#and gives you strong visual blocks of 'how much room does this take up' and 'where might this tray of stuff fit'

[thesixthstar]

my toxic trait is that i legitimately have so many little organizers/trays/drawer separators that help me keep my room clean that are literally just cut up cardboard boxes from things I bought - a 12-count clif bar box but horizontal turns into a tray for hair care stuff, and another clif bar box cut vertical for pills/painkillers, old box for period pads with the lid removed becomes my sock container in my drawer, and another for undies. cardboard panels from an amazon box now separate my pants from my shirts from my skirts-and-misc in my clothes drawer. Another clif bar box holds pens and pencils.

which would be fine except. it means that i feel like I should hold onto all my cardboard boxes forever just in case inspiration strikes and it could be a good organizer tray size, so i am forever fighting the urge to keep what is usually just actual garbage (well, recycling at least)

[yurimother]

LGBTQ Manga Review — I'm in Love with the Villainess Vol. 1 (Manga)

A New Look on a Compelling and Innovative Series

A manga adaptation of one of the best and queerest Yuri light novels I have ever seen, what is not to love! As a massive proponent of the light novels, I eagerly followed I'm in Love with the Villainess began serialization in Comic Yuri Hime last year. I am thrilled to get my hands on the first English volume, and now that it is finally out (digitally at the time of writing), I am equally delighted to read over the start of Rae and Claire's journey once again. Getting to see my favorite isekai protagonist and her bratty noble crush in full illustrations is terrific. However, it does not make for a completely flawless work.

I'm in Love with the Villainess follows Rei Ohashi, an avid otome gamer who dies and is reincarnated as Rae Taylor in her favorite game, "Revolution." Rather than chase any of the game's handsome bachelors, all students at the Royal Academy in the European-inspired fantasy world, Rae heads straight for her favorite character, the game's villainess! Rae begins to relentlessly tease the bratty and elitist Claire, much to the latter's frustration. Soon a rivalry forms between the two girls, but despite Claire's taunts and coldness, Rae is determined to stay by her side and protect her.

The increased focus provided to Claire and Rae's early relationship will be noticeable to light novel readers. While Inori's writing focuses mainly on world-building in the first several chapters, the manga makes the wise choice to condense much of this information for the sake of reading. Blocks of exposition work poorly in the manga compared to prose. However, establishing a setting is not completely thrown out the window. There are several small conversations and explanations of key aspects of the world. After quickly setting the story, the characters are left with room to explore.

Claire and Rae are the most enjoyable part of this manga. Rae is eager and doting, with a touch of masochistic. On the other hand, Claire is more arrogant, often looking down on peasants like Rae, and is continuously infuriated by her affection. A hilarious rivalry starts to spring up between the two, with Claire pranking or mocking Rae and then getting outraged when she revels in the attention and teases Claire by expressing her undying affection.

These interactions also further the story. They establish the dynamic between our two heroines and add more detail to the political situation and tensions between the commoners and nobility, the series’ main plotline. Interestingly, while Claire may believe commoners inferior, she also sees it as her responsibility to protect and instruct them in her very elitist way. Noticeably none of the torments she subjects Rea could ever cause permanent harm or damage. It is a fascinating insight into this character's mental state, and even in the first volume seeing her start to change and become more aware slowly is fascinating.

Much of the rivalry is comedy and often plays out as such. However, some readers may find it slightly off-putting and understandably see the dynamic as Rae sexually harassing Claire. I strongly encourage you to give this series a chance. This book will undoubtedly be the worst volume of an incredible series. Once I'm in Love with the Villainess breaks into its stride of exploring queer and socioeconomic issues, some point in the next volume based on reading the serialized chapters, I promise it will become a quick favorite. If you know you may not be able to overlook its immediate faults during the wait, consider holding off on the mage until after the second book is out and get them together.

Much of the previously mentioned content is the same or strongly similar to the light novels, perhaps a touch more emphasis on Claire's early hostilities; however, there are some significant points unique to the manga to consider. For one, Aonoshimo's artwork is fantastic! The characters and backgrounds are distinct, with only slight adjustments for the more comedic or dramatic stylistic choices. No matter the panel's tone, though, it is always easy to read without oversimplification. Aonoshimo also relies on very standard square or rectangle panels during most of the manga, but occasionally produces more dynamic boundaries and layouts for action and service scenes. Lastly, all the characters are on full display. It suddenly becomes a lot easier for light novel readers to picture their favorite moments. It is a lovely treat for returning readers as the visuals aid the characters, allowing us to clearly see Rod as the strong-willed if slightly aloof prince and understand how Maximillion Pegasus-cosplayer Thane is the most unpopular character in the fictional otome game when they are displayed visually.

There are some other vital factors to consider when reading the manga. For one, every character's personality was dialed up a few points, with Rae being a touch more physically affectionate and masochistic and Claire more easily exacerbated. However, the manga and the English translation takes many quirks and exaggerates them further, reducing the series’ performance. For example, while Claire's actions show the complicated relationship to commoners described above, her dialogue contains a surprising amount of vitriol and vulgarity that stands out notably.

Additionally, while Rod is usually the perfect if slightly detached prince acting as the occasional voice of reason in early chapters, his dialogue here appears laughable indifferent and meanspirited. As I'm in Love with the Villainess is one of a very few series that I follow the monthly serializations of in magazines, I was surprised to see this dialogue, as it did not stand out to me in the Japanese version (admittedly, the manga did overblow everyone's personality to some extent for comedic effect). I feel it changes the characters for the worse — do not get me wrong here, calls for "literal translation" are as unfavorable as they are uninformed. Still, the work feels careless at times.

Finally, there is the service. While the first volume contains virtually no romantic caresses or sweeping panels of scenery we associate with Yuri, there is a fair amount of salacious content. Of course, there are Rae's desperate and overblown expressions of admiration for Claire and her slight case of masochism. However, towards the end of the volume, Aonoshimo shows some skin. In one scene, Rae helps Claire get dressed and very openly admires her body, accompanied by some close-up panels of her back, stomach, and butt. There is also a very exposed bathing scene, although light covers the most explicate bits. It is obviously garish, though it tonally fits with Inori and Aonoshimo's more comedic manga interpritation and even includes some wholesome interactions with Claire and Rae alongside the sexualized comedy. Reader's millage will vary here, but I enjoyed it.

This first outing of Aonoshimo's I'm in Love with the Villainess manga adaptation is very likely to be the weakest entry in a phenomenal series to follow. The manga does a fantastic job of bringing the original light novels to life in a new visual format. The artwork is excellent, and the story condensed with a slightly different focus that maintains the feel of the original while providing manga audiences with entertainment that does not feel constrained or lacking. However, the gradual pacing of the plot and the main characters' relationship means that the volume leaves off before showcasing the meat of the series and most of its best features. There is a little bit of the stumble out of the gate, and both the publisher and the manga will likely have to course correct in future volumes or else risk destroying the development and voice of the series remarkable characters. I still recommend the series, but unless you are a diehard fan of the original like you, you might wait a year or so until we have the second volume and can enjoy a more complete vision of Inori's intricate and groundbreaking story.

Ratings: Story – 8 Characters – 7 Art – 9 LGBTQ – 9 Sexual Content – 6 Final – 8

Check out I'm in Love with the Villainess (Manga) Vol. 1 today: https://amzn.to/3wTSJ9R

Thanks to Joshua Hardy, Courtney Williams, Peter Adrian Behravesh, and the rest of the team at Seven Seas for their hard work.

Help support future Yuri news and reviews, and get access to exclusive content by subscribing to the YuriMother Patreon

[chiefbeifongcanrailme]

I found your Linumi headcanons and loved the one where Bumi picks her up, slams her on the bed and kisses her all per the face.

Would you please give me more headcanons for that? Especially the one where Lin does the same, because even though Lin’s pretty small compared to him, I'm trying to imagine her busting into the room by kicking the door open, startling Bumi, then picking him up (maybe bridal style) without any problems and doing what he does to her.

Omg thank you so much for that xD I stand by the headcanon with a very vivid visual for it too! I'm going to categorize these headcanons as "Aggressive Linumi lovin' " because these deserve a place of their own. This was pretty interesting and fun to write, so here go you below the cut:

- Adding on to your own headcanon up there, I kinda see her picking him up over her shoulder though. I can't really say why- but also the fact that Bumi is substantially taller than her- so he just hangs down her shoulder like an oversized scarf. I can't get this imagery out of my head.

- I also like to think that Bumi's like really strong. Like, he's ripped and has a lot more of that brutish strength than Tenzin. So, with Lin being a tiny toot in front of him, he can kinda just lift her upwards by the waist. Imagine, The Lion King- where Rafiki lifts baby Simba in the air? Something like that- just very easily. She could be blocking his way standing in front of a door or something? And Bumi just effortlessly picks her up and places her aside to continue on with his day. And Lin either looks all confused like, 'wait how did I just teleport 2 feet to the right?' or she's used to it and pays absolutely no heed while when a third person sees and gets totally taken aback.

- Lin can do the same thing to him, except she does it with her Earthbending and Bumi loves taking credit for the idea he believes, she got from his actions.

- Lin takes lengthy cat-naps on Bumi's chest. Bumi barely even recognizes her weight on his torso- for him, it's just a comfortable, soft-skinned, weighted blanket that may or may not drool and leave tiny kisses behind from time to time.

- Bumi can 100% do push-ups with Lin seated on his back. Please don't fight me on this one, I cannot do push-ups to save my life.

- Sometimes, Lin likes to give Bumi piggyback rides around the house. Now, whether or not Bumi uses airbending to lighten the weight on her back will forever remain a mystery. But if Lin's backache is any evidence, we could assume he doesn't.

- After drunken nights out, one of two things may happen: 1) Bumi is way too wasted: he'll give Lin his shoes while he carries her heels in his hands so that Lin can carry him(Either over her shoulder or piggyback) home. 2) Lin is way too wasted: Bumi just flings her over his shoulders or carries her bridal style to cozy her up before getting home. Both of them fully baby the other until they're sound and fast asleep.

- The positions of the big spoon and little spoon are often interchangeable between the two. While Bumi normally loves being the big spoon and holding her close to him, sometimes, he just wants Lin to run her tiny arms over his torso and hold him close enough for him to feel her heartbeat on his back for a change.

[wings-of-a-storm]

Alrighty lovely peeps, here is the final part of my thoughts on Victor’s infamous ‘love-triangle’ journey in episodes 9-10 (and why the undercurrent is full of Benji).

MOURNING A LIFE WITH A LOVER ALMOST LOST: HURT AND ANGER

Our first understanding of how Victor is holding up in episode ten is through the visual of the wedding invitation he is holding. It’s a very strong visual with so many connotations -- weddings are romantic, full of love and celebration, and most importantly a lifelong commitment to a loved one. That is Victor’s dream too and one he was working hard on (not necessarily a marriage but certainly a life-long commitment). But the person he wants to work on that commitment with isn’t talking to him and quite likely easing them into a separation.

What is even more of a mockery is the envelope -- Victor and Benji’s names are printed together in gorgeous cursive, like they are a team, a unit, a done deal. It’s almost like how their own wedding invitation might look, if they ever wanted to have one. But it is a dream that only exists on a piece of paper right now.

It is clear in this scene that Victor is feeling a mix of three things: sad, hurt, and anger. The anger is quite clear when he puts the invitation aside with the shake of his head. He’s angry that Benji ditched the wedding commitment last minute, yes, but no doubt a lot of that anger is born from how hurt he is that Benji is seemingly giving up on them. A glance at his unanswered message to Simon where he says something similar confirms it.

This anger is channeled into a practical matter -- the etiquette faux pas of being a last-minute wedding guest now messing up catering. Victor needs to find a substitute plus one (which to be honest feels like a plot device but shh). Enter Rahim, sans Pilal. Once again, Rahim is a welcome friend that Victor knows he will have fun with, be comfortable around, and more importantly experience a nice distraction with again.

Fast-forward to the next key scene, for me: Victor’s fascinating response to hearing Harold’s and Veronica’s wedding vows. Which brings me to:

VICTOR’S DESPERATION FOR SOMEONE TO LOVE HIM ENOUGH TO FIGHT / BUILDING A SAFETY NET P2

Guess what themes happen to be in the wedding vows Victor hears? A) Fighting for a relationship you love. B) Not giving up on someone in the tough moments.

“I know there will be tough days but it's on those days that I vow to love you the hardest” / “I vow to always remember that we are worth fighting for. Forever. No matter what.”

Gee, what an extraordinary coincidence!

And what does Victor do in response to hearing a loving couple voice his own feelings and goals? He looks at Rahim. Or rather, to Rahim. He knows Rahim is a romantic (like himself and Benji are), so he knows Rahim would share those goals too. And Rahim certainly is transfixed by the vows, very much feeling their sentiments too.

Rahim just ticked a box Victor is currently desperate for: someone who looks like they value fighting to beat the odds for the person they love, unlike what Benji is seemingly doing. Victor can project that onto Rahim. In reality, there is no way of knowing what Rahim would actually do in a relationship, but he feels safe right now.

It rather feels like VIctor was trying to distance himself from Benji in that moment and find a sanctuary with someone else who would give him the love and commitment he really needs right now. Like a protective, defense mechanism. He is so terrified that Benji has reached his limit of fight; that this time their argument and Victor’s breach of trust pushed Benji too far and Victor will end up severed from him and alone. With each hour Victor is closer to processing the end of that relationship and is now trying to put up a shield to block the impending tsunami of pain that he really doesn’t want to be hit by.

BENJI MAKES HIS OWN VOW

Victor doesn’t know it yet but we, the audience, get a hint of good news: the romantic vow exchange cuts to Benji staring at a picture of Victor on instagram, clearly missing him. From that piece of storytelling timing, we know what that probably means… (Flashback please to Benji’s declaration of “I don’t think I could give up on you. Even if I wanted to.”)

Benji is fighting. Or trying to.

What seals the deal is the beautiful conversation Isabel has with him -- her promise that Victor adores him and that Victor did actually stand up for Benji to the point of impressing her with his moxy. For a lot of the season, that is so much of what Benji needed -- to know he was worth standing up for, fighting for. Gee, what a familiar theme…

The next time we see Benji, he has come to the wedding reception, after his shift, as Victor’s belated plus one. His appearance symbolizes a promise, a vow of his own that is yet to be said out loud: that he is committed to fighting for their relationship to work.

I found that a really nice piece of storytelling -- that Benji is linked to the wedding vows at Brasstown and then fulfils them (or at least will try to make the sentiment a reality as best he can).

VICTOR’S CROSSROAD

Unfortunately for Benji, Victor does feel a connection with Rahim. New friendship is exciting and thrilling on its own let alone having the opportunity to suddenly slow dance with that person. Lines can get blurred. Plus the atmosphere is completely romantic and Victor has never had the opportunity to experience this particular romantic act before.

Victor and Rahim spend quite some time staring deep into each other’s eyes without even saying a word to interrupt the Moment. Because it is a legitimate moment of intimacy between the two. Which is exactly why Victor doesn’t stop immediately and run straight to Benji as soon as he notices Benji has come to see him. His head is still half in the Moment and it is tricky to extricate himself from Rahim.

That Moment is also why Victor doesn’t keep chasing Benji through the yard after Benji sasses him with his ‘Sure, Jan’ energy after Victor insists Rahim is just a friend.

Consciously Victor thinks he is telling the truth, but his “That was crazy, I’m not allowed to have a friend?” defense had the same energy as S1 Benji’s “I know I didn’t do anything wrong when you kissed me!” before scuttling his ass out of Brasstown with all of his belongings. Hello guilt.

The question is how much is Rahim a friend-cum-something-more. Which is the crossroad Victor finds himself at when Rahim confesses his feelings and kisses him.

We have Rahim who confessed so sweetly and endearingly, who at this moment is comfort and warmth and safety because Rahim isn't going to break up with Victor any time soon. And whom Victor does feel a connection with.

And we have Victor’s relationship with Benji which feels like a dying ember, especially now that Benji is even more furious at Victor and it will be a very hard battle to win him back around again. It won't be a romantic running into each other's arms moment if they were to reunite…

So Victor has a dilemma to figure out now in Mia’s room: does he fight a very hard uphill battle with Benji to win him over (a fight filled with inevitable painful emotions being unleashed), or does he just let it go since that appears to be the trajectory for them... Or does he try exploring things with Rahim where there is a 100% success rate guaranteed in the short-term if he accepts Rahim’s declaration…

If the big theme of this episode is vowing to love someone on their tough days and committing yourself to a relationship worth fighting for (something Victor had been obsessing over even before he heard the wedding vows), it would feel like a strange conclusion for Victor to choose Rahim over the partner who proved he was mutually willing to fight for their relationship against the odds, especially when they have already been tested through tough times and found their way through. (And of course Felix’s visualisation exercise would have reminded Victor of all the qualities he loves about Benji...)

THE WINK OF VICTOR’S PARENTS’ PARALLEL

And finally we have the culmination of an underlying parallel: Victor's parents’ relationship, which also slips into the theme of those wedding vows.

Isabel and Armando, the high school sweethearts who were stuck in a cycle of fighting, fore-sake choosing a new partner with less baggage and instead make the choice to get back together. This doesn’t influence Victor’s decision because he doesn't know about his parents’ progress yet but we, the audience, do know. We can see the underlying parallel there. They are making it work, so so too can Victor and Benji if they keep putting the work in to understand each other better and learn how to communicate.

But that’s just my take on ep 10.

[a-froger-epic]

Can you please give a few tips on how to write? Anything you find helpful would do

Gladly!

Firstly, writing takes conscious practice.

Like any other skill, like playing an instrument or a sport, the more you write, the better you become. That's a simple way of putting it. But just like you'll never really improve if you only ever sit down to play the one song you know how to play on the piano, you won't really improve your writing very much if you don't write consciously. What do I mean? What is there to be conscious of when writing? 1) Show don't tell.

You understand the story you want to tell. It's in your head. But what you want to do, to engage your reader, is to show it to them the way you see it rather than to just tell it. An example:

Freddie felt frustrated to the point of tears because Roger just didn't understand him. “It's not that easy,” he said. “It's not that hard,” Roger uttered, equally hurt and upset that Freddie found it so incredibly difficult to just admit that they had feelings for each other.

Now, there's nothing technically wrong with this bit you just read. You're telling the reader what's going on, you're telling the story - but that's just it. You're telling the story. Let's see what happens when you try to show the story instead:

Freddie's eyes stung with unshed tears as he drew a shaky breath, hands clenching and unclenching by his sides. “It's not that easy.” For a long moment, Roger looked back at him, his jaw tense and eyes glinting in the yellow-tinged light of the naked bulb hanging from the ceiling. “It's not that hard,” he uttered, and brushed past Freddie on his way out of the room.

So, what's changed? On the one hand, you're giving the reader less information. You're no longer spelling it out for them. Will they understand why your characters are acting the way they do? Hopefully. But also, it doesn't matter. Because by leaving it up to the reader to interpret their words and actions, and what is behind them, you have made your reader think. They are now actively engaged in the story, rather than just passively consuming information. You have their full attention. Also, you've given them a stronger visual of what is happening, rather than why, which creates a reading sensation as though they're watching a movie in their head.

Of course you can tell sometimes. Brian was furious - can be a strong and necessary statement. But generally, try to show and not just tell your story, and trust your reader to interpret it. They won't always interpret things the way you want them to, but that's okay. It can be a different story to them than it is to you.

2) Structure, grammar and punctuation.

Boooooring.

Yes, I know. You just want to tell a story, people will get it. Is it really so important if all the commas are in the right place? No, of course a few missing commas or a bit of questionable grammar won't make much of a difference.

But.

Yes, it does make a difference. Just like this little writing advice post would be much harder to read if it was all one block of text, you are making your story harder to digest for your reader if it's visually badly structured and full of weird punctuation and grammar. And no, you don't need to have a beta reader. I personally use this language tool extension for Chrome, which I find quite helpful. It's free! Otherwise your readers' brains are constantly tripping over mistakes they might spot or things that don't immediately make sense. It's like walking on a rocky path. Why not pave that path properly and make it easier to follow the story?

3) Does this add information?

One of the most helpful things to keep in mind for me, personally, is asking myself with every sentence - sometimes even every adjective I feel inclined to throw into a sentence - if this adds information for the reader or if I'm just unnecessarily rehashing something they already know. And then I ruthlessly end up cutting things, much as I'd love to waffle on about them self-indulgently.

Being aware of this really, really helps with the flow of a story.

These are the main things I like to be aware of while writing. These are the things I constantly try to improve on while writing. Secondly, read, read, read and don't try to reinvent the wheel!

You have your own favourite stories, I'm sure you do. And if you stop to really think about it, you'll see the bits which make them so engaging and so well-written, in your opinion. Steal those bits. No, not word for word, of course not! That's plagiarism. What I mean is, figure out what it is that you love about the stories you love, and teach yourself to do the same. You don't need to find some novel way to write that is unlike anybody else. DO copy other people's styles to learn from them. DO try to mimic you favourite writer's way of telling a story. Equally, try to stay away from purple prose to be original. Eyes are just eyes, they're not glossy, (insert unheard-of colour) orbs. It's perfectly fine to keep on using your characters names, there is rarely a need to keep referring to them by their age, hair-colour or complexion. (I'm notorious for this myself in some of my writing from only a year ago, still, I've been learning!) No, it's not likely that one of your characters thinks the other smells like three different specific things at once. Sometimes, it's perfectly fine for character A to just love the way character B smells and want to inhale deeply.

Thirdly, don't be a stickler for rules. I know, I just gave you a whole bunch of rules, but don't look at them like rules so much as guidelines. And feel free to ignore them. Writing is great, often times, when it doesn't do what the reader expected it to do. When a story doesn't end the way it usually does. Subvert expectations. Don't stop yourself from throwing a thought into your character's inner monologue that feels absurd or crass, people have strange thoughts all the time. Let the fictional people in your story be as nonsensical and strange as people often are, and let your story be as random as life sometimes is. Not everything has to be perfect or as it "should be", in your story.

Lastly, don't ever, ever, ever write what you think people will want to read. If that is the reason you're sitting down to write, just stop. Don't bother. You won't have fun, you are setting yourself up for disappointment and you're putting insane pressure on yourself. Write because you simply have to tell this story. Write because it gives you joy. Write because it's a challenge, because it's exciting, because it's fun.

[pfreadsandwrites]

Kakashi NSFW Alphabet

18+ CONTENT AHEAD - NO MINORS - ANY MINORS CAUGHT INTERACTING WITH THIS POST WILL BE BLOCKED

Okay, attempt 2 - That’ll teach me to try ever posting from the mobile app. This is a rewrite from scratch and I’m way too tired to reread and see if it makes sense or if there are typos, it’s probably not a good thing this is longer than the original though.

No one asked for this, no one at all, and I know everyone’s done these but hey, it’s Kinktober, and you can never have too many Kakashi headcanons, right? Right? Right. I hope you enjoy these!! Goes without saying that these’ll be smutty. It’s also about 6.4k words. There is some real filth ahead, very nsfw, seriously, the thirst is so real. (I hate myself), so, this is 18+ only!

Also, I'm tagging @allthingskakashi​ because she asked me to (i really hope these aren’t disappointing)

Side note: This is all written from the view of an established relationship. I can kinda remember most of what I said, so these will be still be very long despite being a rewrite from scratch. Apologies for any rambles and tangents I might go on, since I was rewriting this, my brain got weird and tired, but I wanna take you through my thoughts. I’m also very concerned about keeping things in character and not self-indulgent/self-projecting of what the writer’s personally into so I won’t be doing that here... You’ll see what I mean as I go on. But I still wanna make it hot so i’ll try lol. I’m new to writing but I’m even newer to writing dirty stuff so i’ll try my best. And with this post goes my dignity

A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

Straight after sex is one of the rare times where Kakashi feels completely at ease and relaxed. He’s pensive, often quietly mulling over what you two have just been doing and trying to come to grips with it, his hands gently running through your hair or along your back. He’s probably at his most affectionate here too. Expect gentle, lazy caresses, little kisses here and there, soft, easy conversation. He might not always be the most talkative, but post-coitus is where you’ll most likely hear him say something earnest and romantic compared to other times. You’ve gotta understand, you’re a miracle, and you being in his arms is like heaven, but he can’t really believe it? But he’s also overwhelmed and tired to let it bother him too much, so he’s able to let his doubt and restraints go a little easier and just breathe. He feels safe, he feels at home and that’s a rare thing, so he’s really just happy to bask in the afterglow and the quietude of it all. It’s the safest, easiest thing in the world for the both of you.

If he’s been on the rougher side, he’ll definitely make sure you’re alright and be more gentle in comparison. and he’s generally more attentive than usual. He’s usually nice about cleaning you up, too, a gentleman lmao.

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

Kakashi quite likes his upper body, or his torso more generally. He’s lean and broad, but not in an overbearing or obvious way, and he really likes the reaction he gets when you actually do get to see him shirtless. He’s also a little sensitive on his back (and he doesn’t mind if you end up scratching it). But if you rub his shoulders or massage his back or chest, he’s putty in your hands.

When it comes to a partner? So the fandom seems to be consistent in thinking of Kakashi as an ass man, and I’m inclined to agree. He just loves to grab it, slap it, just look at it tbh or whatever, but even if you don’t think your ass is that great, there’s very high probability that he does anyway. But honestly I think he’d have a hard time picking a favourite part of your body.

Some other body parts he definitely loves that don’t get mentioned though: he just loves your waist and how it curves in and out into your hips. He’s mesmerised by it.

plz imagine Kakashi’s nice big hands running gently running along your waist while he thrusts into you deep and slow, your back arching and then they settle on your hips?

Also, he loooooves legs, how they feel wrapped around him, the soft thighs omg. When you wear stockings or heels or other things that accentuate them, ahajhfkaj have mercy on him. Also, wrists and ankles? They’re so pretty and delicate he’ll just grab them where he can. If you both are in some kinda position where he can, he’ll definitely give you lil ankle kisses. also wear an anklet to see him blush

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

So uh, I’m really doing this, huh?

Soooo hear me out. Kakashi’s diet is impeccable. I don’t take criticism here lmao, it’s been mentioned multiple times how much he hates deep fried stuff and sweets (yeah yeah he’s one of those weirdoes that enjoys healthy food most, Kakashi we get it) and he’s always feeding Naruto veggies (or trying to). My point? His cum would taste good, okay? Or at least, not strong or bad at all, very neutral if not good. (You have zero problems swallowing)

Also, he cums a pretty good amount. He tends to try and hold back his orgasm so when he does come it does build up. Coming inside you is his favourite, just the intimacy of it, of filling you like that.

But…. he’s pretty ashamed of it at first, but he does love coming on his partner. Whether it’s on your face (ughhhh when you lick up some of his cum around your mouth after a blowjob), or your breasts, or your back, or wherever tbh. He doesn’t know whether it’s the visuals, the eroticism of it or even a territorial aspect? He doesn’t wanna ponder it too much it’s just hot okay.

D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

So this one was hard… because, unpopular opinion, I don't see him as into anything too crazy or depraved?

But here’s what I came up with: he’s totally fucked in the Hokage’s office. It’s only a dirty secret because of how improper that is, how inappropriate it is that the man in charge of the whole village is having sex in the very epicentre of where he’s supposed to be doing that, when other Hokage have been in that room before him… but it’s also why he’s into it.

Also, he’ll die before he ever admits to you exactly how many times he’s jerked off to the thought of you. And after you got together into a pair of your panties when you were away and he missed you too much

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

Short version: Kakashi’s not as experienced as you might think, but this doesn’t translate into lack of skill in any way.

The long version: Ahhh so I go back on forth on this but I’ma attempt to think this through here. Okay, so, fandom has generally two sides when it comes to Kakashi and this topic. He’s either the completely suave, smooth ladies’ man who has all the one night stands or on account of his issues he’s a passive, stuttering virgin who’s constantly flustered.

Neither of these are that accurate. So I do get ladies man Kakashi to a point. It comes from the fact that he is quite smooth? And women do seem to like him quite easily in the series. And Kakashi definitely has the capacity to be a charmer, and is quite good at flirting when his job requires it or it’s a stranger etc. He’s good at reading people and winning them over. This is more complicated when he’s faced with someone he’s attracted to, or that has the potential to mean something to him. He still might be charming, but he’s very good at using this to keep you further from him, so you can’t really get to know him or get close to him so it’s not quite the same. It’s his way of controlling the distance between you.

Now, when it comes to experience, I don’t think Kakashi’s incapable of using casual sex as some kind of a coping mechanism (it’s not the healthiest), but if he was going to do this, it’d be during the latter part of his ANBU years. I can see him having sex as just a means to forget and remember he’s alive, and quell an urge, with basically faceless partners, or maybe complete strangers on missions. This does make him feel even lonelier after a while though, and it’s not really what he wants. Eventually having sex with women he’ll never see again serves to make him more miserable, and I think by the time we see him at the beginning of the series he doesn’t really do this anymore. So I wouldn’t say he’s completely inexperienced sexually at least, though he definitely is romantically.

Generally after that, Kakashi’s gonna reserve sex for someone who he has a deep emotional and physical connection with, but God forbid he ever calls it what it is - a relationship. Basically, if he’s sleeping with you, he pretty much loves you whether he knows it or not. And if he’s comparing that to his past experiences, he really feels the difference and cherishes it all the more (but it still scares him and he won’t admit it to himself.

So here’s how I see it. There’s always been a sexual chemistry between him and you, and a physical and romantic attraction. But of course Kakashi is Kakashi so he does absolutely nothing about it and doesn’t want to let you do anything about it. Still, you’re surprisingly persistent, and you do become close to each other in a friendly capacity, in whatever way Kakashi’s able to participate in that. Eventually, ( I haven’t thought this through quite yet) you do end up fucking and Kakashi tries to convince himself that he can just do that, that he can keep up having great sex with a great friend and that you don’t mean the world to him. You try to do the same, for his benefit, but you’re in deep and neither of you can’t deny there’s a bond and your connection is so strong that you’re basically in a relationship - and you kinda are by the time you start having sex - but he doesn’t really have the balls to actually call it that till after the 4th shinobi war. (I have some thoughts about how the war impacted Kakashi’s psychology but it’s generally then when he’ll genuinely feel comfortable enough to fully commit himself to you and see a future for himself, which he’s never really had before, and a future with you to boot).

To bring it back to this (I’m sorry what a fucking tangent), Kakashi’s maybe not had sex with a large amount of women, but he’s a quick learner and has natural skill. He also learns your body and what you like quickly. So whilst he’s not as experienced as he seems, he’s definitely more skilled than he has any right to be.

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)

When it comes to positions there’s very little he wouldn’t enjoy tbh. He does have an affinity for positions like doggy style, just the visuals and the power it gives him. It’s easy for him to get a bit carried away though, but that’s his go to when he’s feeling rougher.

When it’s more romantic and slow and sensual, he also loves variations of missionary, because he loves the intimacy of the eye contact, and how your body is so close he can hear your heartbeat but his absolute favourite positions are missionary variations where your legs are on his shoulders, or where he’s spreading your thighs as perpendicular as possible and really testing your flexibility are probably his favourite cuz legs, and he can go even deeper and get an amazing angle.

But he definitely likes it when you ride him too, whether you’re facing him or away, it just feels too good when you’re bouncing on him like that. Also it’s nice to relax a bit and not have to do more of the work… plz take care of him from time to time…

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

He definitely has the capacity to be a fucking dork, as we know, and this has the potential to translate to his sex life. It’s a sign of complete ease if he can laugh and joke with you during, and he loves to have fun and play around with you, but at the same time, he does prefer to be serious most of the time. This means a lot to him and he’ll make sure you know that. He’s also gonna get a bit exasperated if you don’t seem to be taking it as seriously as him, or if you’re too into jokes and giggles for his liking that day. Probably will try and shut you up one way or another.

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

(Ughh okay so the idea of Kakashi with a silver happy trail leading to a messy shockwave of hair down there really does things to me okay, I’m sorry, I’ll see myself out)

Okay so… Have you seen how Kakashi manages his hair? Spoiler alert: he doesn’t. I don’t even know if this man owns a hairbrush. So I can definitely see him not being assed about shaving his bush. It’s probably kind of wild, or at the very least more on the unkempt side.

But then again he’s assed enough to keep his face clean shaven so he can wear his mask, so maybe he does, like I do head canon that he’s a very clean person and he probably feels like it is a *bit* cleaner that way but I’m leaning towards nah he just leaves it alone, but will trim it from time to time when it gets too wild or if it bothers you. I do think he probably has slightly more body hair than you’d expect tbh, but his hair is so light especially against his complexion so it’s not really noticeable. Oh and obviously, the carpet matches the drapes. (Idk why this made me imagine Kakashi with a ginger bush..  LMAO there’s a thought)

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

It does depend on the mood between you, what kinda day he’s had, what position you’re in etc but he places a lot of value on sex in your relationship, for the intimacy and emotional bonding, not just the physical pleasure. So there are a lot of times where he’d be super intimate. Kakashi’s a man who chooses his words and actions very carefully in normal life and during sex he allows himself to let all that go. His actions really convey the depth of what you mean to him, what being with you like this means to him. He’ll hold you close to him, running his hands all over your body just to feel you everywhere, kiss you everywhere you can whilst he moves, bury his face into your neck, breathe you in - he just is very overwhelmed by this and there are times during your most intimate moments where he’s so in awe and so happy that he could die right there.

That being said, if he’s fucking you over his desk in the hokage’s office and it’s rough and fast, it’s a little harder to feel the intimacy and the romantic connection. Still, it is underlying every moment between you too. You’re the only ones that see these sides of each other, and make each other feel that way, and he really values that. He’ll still make it feel tender somehow and not just mindless fucking (no matter how blank he makes your head feel)

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

I don’t see him as being a particularly frequent masturbator tbh. He strikes me as disciplined and he can probably go a while without it, especially if he’s busy, but more than just that, he kinda sees it as an inconvenience he just has to do sometimes? To blow off some steam, or when he’s not had sex in a while or something got his mind racing and it’s a distraction because he literally can’t think about anything else. He’ll probably use his books, but he prefers to use his imagination tbh, though the books can start as a seed for that.

He also doesn’t like having to put too much effort into jerking himself off? He doesn’t like to overcomplicate things when it comes to his sex life, and especially when it’s just jacking off.

He just kinda wants to get it done so he can move on to something more productive or fall asleep or something. So he’s just happy to pump himself off until he gets there.

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

Okay here’s where I’m gonna lose some of you.

Kakashi’s just not that kinky. Or maybe not kinky by tumblr/fic standards. Like I said in the previous head canon, he just does not see the appeal of making his sex life more complicated than it needs to be and his kinks aren’t gonna be too crazy. He just wants to feel good with you and he’s not that difficult to get going. With that in mind, here are some things he likes:

Spanking ;)

Teasing

Face-fucking

Dirty Talk (to a point, anything too stupid sounding or too dirty might make him laugh or take him out of it…)

clothed sex (where you are so horny for each other you can’t even wait to get undressed properly)

semi-public sex (he would hate the idea of actually being seen but the idea of *almost* being caught is kinda hot to him, not that he’ll ever let that happen if he can help it),

body worship (is that a kink)

LIGHT dom (I’ll mention it more later but he’s not too extreme into this stuff, but if you call him Hokage-sama or captain he might get a little too into it… not that that’s bad) I heard someone call him general during the war arc and that shit SENT me

he maaaay do a a threesome with shadow clones (either two of his if you want that, but two of you seem kinda hot… that being said, this might delve into that ‘making things too complicated’ so Idk, this might just be hot to me cuz I would like two Kakashis to rail me and I do think he’d enjoy it if two of you focused on him),

L = Location (favorite places to do the do)

The bed is fine but that’s really what he associates with either morning sex, or romantic, intimate lovemaking type stuff. When it’s more raunchy and playful, he really likes bending you over stuff tbh, his desk, kitchen counter etc most surfaces work well. He likes the shower too. Also, one time you both were just so hot for each other and didn’t make it to the bed and went at it on the hard floor and it was so wild and rough.

But he really loves fucking you up against walls, doors, mirrors, etc, Wall is his favourite, it’s just so intense and he gets animalistic and yeah it’s so good.

WAIT, how did I forget, sex in front of the mirror?! This is something he enjoys more with a more flustered or shy s/o who’s not used to looking at themselves. I have been thinking about writing something for this

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

Kakashi’s more on the traditional side in terms of what he likes but it’s really not that hard to turn him on. He loooooveeees when you wear lingerie for him, anything pretty and lacy but also stockings and all that. But then there’s something about when it’s simplistic too, like when you’re just wearing his shirt and nothing else? That’ll get him going too. But yeah, plz surprise him with a sexy outfit when he comes home from a long day of work and he’ll love you 5ever.

I dunno why I’ve always thought this, but I also think he’s turned on by subtle, understated signs of femininity? It’s just such a contrast to what he’s used to and he really appreciates it and is just mesmerised by you tbh. It’s things that are natural, the way when you sit down your hips get that crease where they meet your thighs, you might sometimes look down when you smile softly, the way you walk, pretty hair. If you have a really classical, elegant/sophisticated kind of style he loves that. Kinda hard to explain what I mean with that but like, say a dress or skirt that shows off your curves but isn’t too revealing? It really gets his mind racing. That make sense? (No worries if that’s not your style either, like I say, it’s not that hard to turn him on) But I also think he kinda likes when you wear jewellery? Like nothing too ostentatious but if you’re naked beneath him and the only thing you’re wearing is a necklace or some fancy earrings he just thinks you look so beautiful.

He also likes the comfortable, gentle teasing and flirting in the conversations you have, the jovial aspect to them, the connotations they carry. You could say one comment and not mean a whole lot by it and it might get his mind racing. He’ll think about you all day.

I mentioned before but offering to massage his back/chest/shoulders is his favourite, and if you kiss his jawline or neck even innocently it might not be innocent for very long ;) just when you’re generally affectionate and gentle with him.

He’d definitely enjoy it if you were confident, but I also feel like he’d like a shyer s/o too? If you were a little easier to fluster than he is, he finds it much easier to be confident and make you feel that much better ;) he likes making you blush.

N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

Okay, here’s where I’m definitely gonna lose some of you. But hang with me.

Short version: He doesn’t really like BDSM, be nice to him and let him be

Long version (I’m sorry guys):

By the time Kakashi’s in a loving relationship with you, he’s shown you his vulnerability and he trusts you, and he’s happy to try things within reason, but he has boundaries. And he expects you to respect them, just like he respects yours. You’re gonna frustrate him and make him close off if you’re wanting to push him to try new stuff or go out of his comfort zone. He can be set in his ways. If he doesn’t want to, he doesn’t want to. So if that’s not cool for you, that’s a turn-off.

He’s not into role-reversal. This is a tricky one to explain (and I’d explained it better in my first version of this that got lost to the void but alas this is where my memory is getting hazy), but though he’s a man with a lot of power and responsibility and control, these things aren’t necessarily things he’s insecure about or that come unnaturally to him. They’re not a persona or things he’s necessarily putting a lot of effort into being. He just is. He’s self-aware of his own abilities and strengths and he’s very a-matter-of-fact about them. I guess what I’m saying is, the more masculine attributes of his personality and demeanour that make some people say he’s DaddyAF and others say he’s probably not like that sexually, are just who he is naturally. He’s not putting effort into being these things and does not see the appeal of working to reverse this in the bedroom, or better yet, doesn’t really understand it. It’s way more effort for him to do that than it is for him to just be who he is. I could go way more into the psychology of this but this thing is long enough already but part of that accepting him for who he is is just letting him be. I’m saying he’s in no way a sub, basically.

But he’s not a huge dom, either. He’s actually really not into anything hardcore when it comes to dom/sub or bdsm stuff like at all. Like he’s not gonna be your daddy or your master or anything like that. He really values ease above all else and is happy to just enjoy the two of you and your body without adding extra layers of extreme power dynamics and kinks on top of it. He’s happy to be more on the authoritative side, which is why I say light dom, and it’s more natural for him to take the lead, but he’s not thinking about it too hard. I also don’t think he’d be averse to some mild power play - in that mean he likes it when you get a little cheeky, tease him, you can make fun of him, there’s a bit of cat and mouse between you, but if you’re too much into control or power that actually might bring out his rougher dominant side a bit more than normal. Don’t get me wrong, he’s not incapable of lying back and letting you do your thing.

…But he is still a bit of a control freak at heart and he doesn’t want to feel like something could go wrong, so if you make him feel like he can’t do anything about the situation or having no control at all is likely gonna be a bad experience for him.The other thing is that Kakashi doesn’t feel like he’s had control over his life where it counts, and he still feels pretty shitty about himself a lot. He’s not gonna wanna relinquish all control during his sex life, no matter how much he trusts you. He’d hate feeling completely passive, and if you humiliate him you’re just gonna make him feel shitty. He doesn’t wanna humiliate you either. So what I’m saying is, he’s just not into femdom or extreme male sub stuff or anything like that, sorry not sorry. He’s felt shitty enough in his life for you to turn it into a kink. He’s a pretty chill guy, but he still has his comfort zone, and he trusts you enough to be vulnerable, don’t take advantage of that. Be kind to Kakashi Hatake 2020.

With everything I’ve said so far, he’s never gonna let you peg him. It’s not something that really appeals to him visually or psychologically, plus any kind of receiving anal stimulation is just not really his thing. Leave Kakashi Hatake’s asshole alone 2020. Also, he doesn’t like the plastic/artificialness of toys in general, he’d much rather genuine skin on skin contact and feeling your body and you his, and just yeah you having to use toys on him will turn him off or seeing you in a way, that’s you know, not you, with an artificial appendage is just, a big no for him. Probably has the exact opposite effect you’d want. 

He’d also never wanna hurt you, or be into you hurting him. If it doesn’t trigger his PTSD or his tendency to self-loathe like all the other things I mentioned, he’s been getting hurt his whole life so he’s likely not gonna enjoy this in the bedroom, it’s either banal to him or a complete turn-off at the least. He’s self-aware enough to know it’s not gonna be the healthiest thing for him to sexualise it. He’s also hurt too many people to do something that could potentially hurt you, so no weapons, ninja techniques, things like that. I don’t think he’d even be into choking you. He just wants to relax, and enjoy himself and being with you in a way where he can feel safe, but not passive, and he loves having a partner that can allow him to do that.

So a partner being too dominant to the point of making him feel shitty and weak would be a turn-off, or just generally one that’s impatient or unkind. You’ll need to be empathetic and warm to get anywhere with him anyway, or at least you’ll struggle otherwise. Also, he wouldn’t ever want a threesome. It’s taken so much out of him to build up trust and intimacy between you, he’s sure that introducing another person, even if it’s only a one time thing, would ruin it. He also doesn’t want anyone other than you to see him in that way, or vice versa.

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

So I don’t know why but I feel like Kakashi sees eating you out as such a special, intimate act? It’s a big deal, and this is something he probably wouldn’t do with someone he doesn’t have a strong connection to, or not as much. But when he does love you, your responses and the whole act are just mesmerising to him. Maybe it’s how vulnerable delicate you seem, how your moans are more gentle and delicate compared to when he’s fucking you, how he’s up and close against your most private parts, how he’s the only one that sees you like this… It really gets him going tbh, but it also takes a lot out of him? It just ends up meaning more to him than a blowjob might mean to you. So he might actually end up receiving more than he gives, despite the fact that he enjoys it and is very good at it. I don’t mind I’ll suck his dick 25/8

Like most men, he’ll be putty in your hands if you give him a good blowjob. It’s one of those things that never cease to amaze him or drive him crazy, no matter how many times you’ve done it, the sight of you on your knees, sucking him down. He’ll feel guilty but he face-fucks you sometimes, and it feels amazing, but he honestly might let himself get carried away. So he’ll sometimes grab your hair or clench his fist instead, otherwise he’ll just try to gently guide your ahead along sometimes. His moans during blowjobs are also damn hot as well. Like guttural groans and moans, he’s louder than normal.

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

Depends with Kakashi! Whether it’s a quickie, the position, where you’re doing it. He has a penchant for slow and sensual though. He wants to savour you, the sensation, the moment, the sights, everything. He really wants to bask in the intimacy of what’s going on and go as deep as he can and take his time. He likes taking it easy.

But there’s always gonna be moments where he can be pretty damn animalistic and rough and he’s pretty good with that too. Though, where he has the time to do so, he likes to build up to it? Occasionally he’ll be too pent up/frustrated or too short on time to really do it but like if time and space allows he doesn’t wanna start ramming into you like right away, he wants you to adjust, and will slowly fuck you until you’re really want it as crazily as he does.

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

He likes a good quickie, or rather, they’re his only option sometimes. He’s a busy guy who can’t always plan his schedule, and this goes tenfold when he becomes Hokage. So whilst his favourite will also be something longer where he can take his time and enjoy your body, you’re gonna have to accept that there will be periods where all you’ll get is quickies in his office, or in the morning before he has to leave.

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

So despite all that stuff I listed about all the things he won’t do, he’s willing to try a lot of stuff with you. He does enjoy experimenting and he thinks it’s fun and brings you guys closer together, but within reason. He doesn’t wanna do anything too complicated or too strange by his standards, but he’ll be up for new locations, new positions, and he is risky in the sense that he won’t mind doing some stuff in public, or semi-public at least.

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

So it’s definitely better when he doesn’t have his sharingan constantly sapping his energy anymore, but not to the point that you really noticed there being a problem before. He just puts a lot of effort and concentration into not cumming before you, and he’s pretty good at that. Depending on how pent up he is, he can last a decent amount of time. But if he has lasted quite a long time, when he finally does cum, he might not be in the mood to go again.

I see him going for like, one short round and one long one. Or if it’s shorter his recovery time’s pretty decent. But if you get ever happen to get three or more rounds of him in one go you should definitely praise him or take care of him cuz that’s pretty difficult and his dick might be broken for the next few days.

The only time his ability to hold back his orgasm goes to shit is when you’re having his way with him by riding him or sucking him off. You’re just too good have mercy on him But he’s better able to control that stuff and slow down and take breaks when he needs to when he’s the one leading things.

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

Nah, this harkens back to the whole thing about him not wanting to overcomplicate things and just have fun without thinking too much. He can’t be assed with toys and won’t use them on himself. I also mentioned earlier that he doesn’t like the fakeness/artificiality of toys, just the gimmicky-ness of it, the plastics... Nah. He wants to feel something real. Besides it’s canon how crazy this man’s physical skill is, his hands, his fingers… He’s completely satisfied with just his hands. And you are too

If it means a lot to you, he can use toys on you. But let’s be honest I really don’t think you’ll feel the need.

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

Kakashi is a little shit, we all know this. He loves to tease and edge, and he just loves seeing how frustrated you get, your scolding, knowing that you still can’t make him do anything he doesn’t want to do, your annoyed little whines and huffs… But he always more than makes up for it later.

He is so bad at receiving teasing though, he cannot withstand as much as you can, which is lame, considering how much he can put you through.

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

He’s not that loud, though there are times he can be. When he’s getting close to cumming, when he finally does are probably his loudest. But generally, his noises are so so nice. He makes soft little grunts and pants mostly, but he’ll growl and groan, whisper your name.. But sometimes you can get a semi-loud moan out of hiim and omg it’s so so hot.

He’s a little louder when he’s tired, or first thing in the morning? He’s more sensitive. When he’s not having to concentrate so much or think too much about what’s going on, he’ll get a little louder. He’s also louder when you’re riding him than in other positions.

W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

You know what I’ve gone in so deep with this head canons that I can’t think of a random one and I can’t remember what I wrote yesterday.

So Kakashi really appreciates just physical contact with you, wherever it might be. It doesn’t necessarily need to be sexual either but it makes him feel at ease. I said this already too, but Kakashi loves the comfort of just being vanilla. Nothing special, nothing elaborate, no gimmicks, just him on top of you, with your legs around his hips, as he drives into you. It’s literally just you and him in the world and that’s all there needs to be and nothing’s ever felt more right than that.  

X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

It’s canon Kakashi is big need I say more. Okay I’ll say more. So it’s pretty long and thick. It’s not like monster huge but he’ll definitely take some adjusting. Probs uncut, and the same girth all the way down. Also kinda veiny, there’s some big ones on the underside. You’ll definitely feel him throb inside you.  But his body is nice too, but we been knowing that. He’s lean, and muscular, but in an understated way. He also has really nice legs? Like his thighs are good. The only time I saw his legs was in ep 101 of og Naruto but I was very pleased tbh. Like they’re well-trained but not crazy muscular like those men who work out a lot get… do you know what I mean? The round calves and stuff? He doesn’t have that. He also has a very nice ass. Gets flustered if you stare at it or slap it. Please do though his reaction is so cute.

Anyways, back to his dick, the colour is slightly darker than the rest of his body and the tip a tad darker than that. I remember seeing a picture on twitter and omg I couldn’t like it cuz I need some semblance of keeping my twitter professional but omg I saved the link, this is it though, the artist gets him perfectly.

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

It’s high but nothing ridiculous. He’s controlled enough where he can go a while without it, but this is harder once he has a partner.

Once you guys have settled into each other and grown comfortable, he’s probably up for it 3-4 times a week, but depends on you and both of your schedules too. Sometimes it’s more, sometimes less.  But he’s a busy guy and has tons of things going on so as much as he’d like to, he can’t think about having sex extremely frequently. He’s also gonna have periods where he physically can’t see you that much, so the times you do see each other might be spent having sex so it might feel like it’s crazy high, but it’s more that he’s making up for lost time.

As he gets older his sex drive does decrease slightly, but not by much tbh. He’s very adaptable to your needs too. If you wanna fuck a lot that’s all great but if it’s like twice a day every day then calm down dang you might need to satisfy yourself. But if yours is a lot lower than is, he might struggle, but eh, he can manage.

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

Sex definitely depletes him and makes it easy to sleep, but he’ll normally wait for you to fall asleep. It’s a control thing and a protective thing, but he just feels a lot better about sleeping once you’re already there dozing off in his arms, and after sex is one of the rare times where he feels relaxed enough and his mind is empty enough where he can get a good night’s rest without any issues.  

[starr-fall-knight-rise]

HASO “Leading the Witness.”

Alright guys, this is going on longer than I thought and way more detailed as well but its been interesting. Also I am sorry for the late update, my boss has me rolling quarters at work so I am trying to do that and write this in between.

Thank you to my discord member Eddi for the testing logs he wrote and that I am using as evidence in this story. He deserves all the credit for the well thought out and executed test logs.

WARNING: Graphic depictions of blood, gore, bodily mutilation and mentions of suicide. The Steel eye project development is very graphic, so if you wish to read, please skip the test logs, which will be bolded. 

The room spun around him, and he took a few long, deep breaths hoping that it would stop.

He wast sure he could survive another few hours of this.

He wasn’t sure at all 

He was sweating, and his body throbbed all over. Clammy hands gripped the sides of his chair as he sat straight backed in his seat. A line of cold sweat dripped down the back of his neck. Blood had long since drained from his face, and he wondered if he looked as sick as he felt half expecting the bailiff to walk over with a bucket or something. A part of him fancied he could feel every eye in the room staring at him. The prosecution was still talking, but he could barely hear them as his head spun around and around in circles, ears ringing.

The lights pulsed.

He jerked out of it as a hand came to rest on his shoulder. He looked up, confused for a moment as he tried to figure out where he was, the room was partially tilted and it took him a moment to realise that he was slumped slightly to the side. Waffles had her head in his lap whimpering very softly.

“Adam, adam are you ok, do you need to step out.” 

He lifted his head and turned to look at Admiral Kelly, who now sat beside him, a hand on his shoulder.

His ears were still ringing but not enough to realise that the court had stopped.

The lead judge had held up a hand to the prosecution and was looking directly at him. 

Well… at least now the blood was rushing back to his head, and he could feel his ears burning, “Is everything alright, council?” The judge asked, “Does your witness need to step out.”

The lawyers turned to look at him, hints of both concern and concealed annoyance on their faces.

They looked at him expectantly.

He cleared his throat awkwardly, “No your honor. My apologies.”

His voice was surprisingly strong for someone who felt like he was about to pass out. The judge didn’t seem too annoyed at him, and looked on with some measure of concern. They whispered something to the nearby bailiff and then motioned the council to continue.

Admiral Kelly didn’t move seats keeping one hand on his shoulder. The bailiff walked over after things had started up again and sat next to them for a moment, “If you need to step out.” He whispered, “Take the side door to your right and someone will let you back in.”

He nodded, “Ill be alright, but…. Thank you.”

The man nodded and stood returning to the front of the room.

“As you can see, their first attempts at creating a proper drug cocktail to dull the pain of direct neural interface, was a complete disaster. Dr. Gladstone, assuming you were forced to use drugs instead of subdermal implants, how would you have gone about this? What is the proper procedure dictated by ethical state law.”

“Drug trials can take months to years, we test them on animals, rats monkeys and even inject them into synthetically grown human tissues and tube grown organs before we even test on animals. Each phase of testing can take up to eighteen months in clinical trials, and if the drug proves to be wrong we start over again.”

“Have you ever done phased drug testing on human subjects.”

“No, certainly not.”

“But of course they continued. May the prosecution present Experimental log 32 for For consideration by the court.”

Experimental log #32:

Over the past experiments we have been testing multiple drug mixtures to try and reduce the pain induced by the Direct neural interface our most recent tests have involved morphine much to our resident doctors discouragement it is one of the few drugs we have found capable of suppressing the pain induced by the direct neural interface. This test involves the use of an automatic dispenser controlled by the pain sensors in the arm.

The subject, as before has been sedated for the implantation of the test augmetic. This time however the drug reservoir has a direct link to the bloodstream. 

-recording break-

The subject seems to be stable and moving around without much interference, although slightly lethargic and a little dopy due to the drugs.

We made sure to remove the augmetic well before the drug reservoir ran out. This seems to be successful and stable Several more tests are to be made to confirm this before moving on to the next stage. 

“Dr, do you happen to know the laws in relation to the regulation and use of morphine during testing?”

The doctor nodded, “Morphine is heavily regulated even on the research level owing to its additive properties. Only doctors are allowed to prescribe it, and even then, the morphine dosages are regulated and reviewed by an internal board of directors. There is a cutoff point for the amount of morphine allowed for personal use,and the amount of morphine allowed for medical use. This cap can be broken if the board of directors determines the patient is terminal and in extreme pain.”

“How about for research purposes.”

“You can’t research with morphine, and you certainly cannot give it to a patient with no prior history of injury, or other medical conditions.”

“Thank you doctor, the prosecution wishes to present experimental log 34 to consideration.” 

Experiential log #34:

Our continued experimentation has lead to the conclusion that stronger chemicals may be required to reduce the pain, one subjects auto-dispensary caused an overdose When the subject spent some time prodding and poking at the implant site it caused excruciating pain that was responded to by the auto dispensary by flooding the body with over 500milligrams of morphine. A stronger painkiller would mean lower doses are required thus avoiding an overdose. Despite our team's medical advisors continuing protests. 

Prosecution turned to the judges, “You see here your honor that instead of considering the ethical questionability of their actions, they determined to use more morphine despite the overdose and even extend the use to even more potent drugs. These are not the actions of scientists who were considering ethics, or even the value of human life.”

“Objection your honor on conjecture about the thoughts of my client.”

The judge waved a hand, “It may pass.”

The defence took a seat.

The prosecution adjusted her tie, “Three people died as a result of these tests your honor. Marvin Dess, William Moseratt and Angela Vilgrin. Not once were the tests paused or delayed. Instead, they moved onto the next phase of testing.”

Adam was starting to feel a little better now. He wasn’t sweating so much and he had finally managed to even out his breathing.

“The prosecution would like to present experimental log 28.”

Experimental log #28

Calibration of the arm mounted augmetic seemed to proceed without error or difficulty, The drugs delivered through the internal reservoir developed by Dr. Nkosi renders the subject inured against the supposed pain induced by the augmetic. The primary tests we will be administering are of the use of high strength servo motors to power the augmeitc, reducing its weight and increasing the power behind the subjects rapid motions. 

-Recording break-

The Reaction of the servo motors and torsion cables was far too extreme delivering significant damage and trauma to the subject, Further testing will have to be done and fine tuning of the suits will be needed. 

Adam knew what was coming and tried to close his eyes and block out the sounds as the next visual log was projected before him. 

Audio-visual log transcript:

The subject appears bleary and unresponsive. The augmentic is mounted on their right arm, supposedly their dominant one according to the research notes. The subject is drawn to attention by the scientist administering light taping on their cheek. Upon raising their arm the subject appears a little shocked at the size of the augmetic and the fact it is connected directly to an external power source, questioning the scientist on this who confirms it is just an experimental version. The augmetic appears to only be active on the elbow joint. The scientist appears to be requesting the subject extend his arm in an attempt to punch an invisible foe. Upon doing so the augmetic appears to cause an extreme reaction of force, resulting in not only damage to the subjects musculature, but outright stripping the subjects muscle tissues away from the bones, the pins seem to be functioning as anchor points as the subjects skin and muscles are removed from the skeletal structure. Functionally stripping the flesh away from the skeleton in a manner that can only be described as ‘glove like’. It appears that this area also contained the drug delivery interface as part way through the emergency removal of the upper section of the augmetic, the subject seemed to come out of the semi stupor and begin to register the damage done to themselves, screaming and becoming violent. It was only after the subject was re-drugged with the remaining contents of the drug reservoir that they calmed down.

His attempts to block out the sound do not stop him from hearing the hydraulic hiss, the tight whirr, and the horrific cracking popping noise as flesh is torn from bone. The screaming echoed around in his head. His heart was beating at a million miles an hour. Sweat poured down his back and neck and in between his shoulder blades. Flashes of red sky cut before his vision, the sound of gunfire and the smell of ash.

Admiral kelly squeezed his shoulder hard bringing him back. The dog was halfway in his lap her head pressed against him, and the Bailiff from earlier was on his other side steadying him as his body seemed prone to leaning to one side.

He took a few very deep breaths.

A few of the judges were watching him, but they didn’t stop the proceedings this time. Most of them just looked like they wanted an excuse to look away.

“Your honors, this is not the last log in the series. Even after the catastrophic failure, they continue to implant the steel ee pieces onto test subjects without prior testing in a controlled environment. I believe we have been making realistic ballistic dummies for the past thousand years. I am sure there is something that could have been done.”

Adam was fading.

The lights were growing up in his vision, turning everything around him white.

The defence stood, “THe defence calls for recess, your honors.”

There was a pause, “Recess granted. You have thirty minutes.” 

The room burst into a flurry of murmurs and movement. Admiral Kelly leaned forward hands on his arms, “Adam, you should get up, walk around a bit.”

He nodded and stood feeling the world tip around him as he did. With one hand he gripped heavily onto the back of the pews and staggered forward out of the room. Waffles followed after him whining and whimpering. He waved admiral Kelly off him as he wobbled his way down the hall and burst through the outside door and into open air. He took a deep long breath and leaned against the wall trying to choke down the bile that welled into his throat.

“You alright here buddy.”

Blinking owlishly, he turned to the side to see a man leaning against the wall on the other side of the door.

“You don’t look so good, Cigarette?” He asked offering a pack of the things towards him.

Adam waved a hand, “I don’t smoke but, thanks anyway.”

The man shrugged and lit up puffing a billow of smoke into the air, “You know breathing exercises.”

Adam blinked and nodded, “Yeah.”

“Don't forget to do them. It will help.”

Adam rubbed a hand across his forehead breathing slowly.

“You seem to know a lot about this. Am i that easy to see through?”

The man shook his head “I was a soldier during the panasian war, I know what PTSD looks like.”

“My father fought in the Panasian war.”

The man nodded, “Better get back inside while you still have some color, boy.”

He did as told. He didn’t know the man  but something about his calm demeanor and understanding was nice, and he stepped back inside patting waffles on the head as he walked back towards the courtroom.

He sat down before anyone else was there just yet and rested his head in his hands breathing slowly and evenly. The room slowly filled up again, and before he really knew it, things were back in session.

“The prosecution would like to present Experimental log 31” 

He closed his eyes and began to count slowly breathing in and out, in and out.” 

Experimental log #31

This test is the first among the replacement for servo motors for hydraulics The system was far slower and makes use of a combination of fast extension pistons and slower extension ones for combination. The test is the same as before a simple arm extension in the guise of  a punch. However the augmetic will also include the shoulder. We have increased the dosage of the painkiller as so to prevent the increased implantation volume from inducing a negative reaction in the subject. -Recording break-

The reaction from the hydraulics was stronger than expected, and the delay and stack up of orders has caused significant issues. A halt override taken directly from the nerve system needs to be implemented. 

He squeezed his eyes tight shut 

Audio-visual log transcript:

 The subject appears to be only semi responsive, appearing to function at a 12 on the GCS, Only held there by the active responsiveness of their motor function. This appears to fade somewhat when the subject is given physical stimuli by the scientist in the form of a light slap on the cheek. Bringing the subject back to consciousness. The subject is then encouraged to make the punching action as prior experiments. The subject does so, the fast reaction of the piston seems to achieve the scientist's goal, However the long extension piston appeared to continue extending. This continued, dragging the subjects arm outwards, dislocating the subjects shoulder, then elbow as well as wrist. The subject appeared to be distressed at this, however not unduly in pain. The scientist having stepped back to observe the outcome of events. The extension of the piston continued beyond tolerable human limits. The piston continues to extend despite the protests of the subject and attempts at removing it. The extension continued forcefully separating the subjects limbs at both the elbow and shoulder joint, ripping tendon and muscle as well as ligament structures, fully separating the limb in to two parts and away from the body. It is at this point the subject began to scream in terror and panic till the researcher sedated the subject. 

A door opened at the back of the courtroom as a few more people stepped out. Adam sat there on the bench, his head tilted back and staring at the ceiling breathing even and slowly as light and color swirled around them. He could what speaking, but didn’t really hear what was being said.

He just had to keep himself together.

“....Log 35 to the court.” 

Experimental log #35

Continued experimentation indicates that a combination of servo motors, torsion cables and hydraulics are likely to result in the desired effect. Since the previous experiments a stop override has been implemented in to the systems. This prevents the hydraulics from continuing to extend despite the users body having ceased movement. This should result in the desired movement structures. We are moving on from the single arm testing considering the current functionality and strength amplification satisfactory. The current test is simply to get the two lower limb implants to function in tandem with walking. We have had to once again increase the level of drugs in the users system to prevent the reaction to the pain induced by the interfacing devices. 

-Recording break- 

While the system is capable of walking, the addition of hydraulics have caused the system to be heavier and more cumbersome than intended. Additional servo motors and possible leaf springs for artificial support tendons will have to be added to prevent the augmetics from lagging behind their users.

“Objection your honor…. The court has seen enough….. This is simply…”

“Objection denied council. The evidence stands. If you must you may leave the room.”

“But members of the audience…”

“Can step out if they need to.”

Audio-visual Log transcript:

The subject once again appears to be somewhat unresponsive. This ceases when the scientist provides a physical interaction with the subject, tapping them on the shoulder. The subject appears to be somewhat disoriented. Upon being prompted to walk the subject beings to walk without much in the way of impediment, though seeming to tug at the augments as if they are holding the subject back. The subject is then prompted to move at a might higher speed. Running if possible. The subject manages this for two steps before the continued pulling against the augmetic and movement against the interface needles appears to pull the subject’s leg free, removing large sections of the subjects muscle tissues and nerves along with it. The subject seems to be disturbed, if not in pain. Likely due to the drug reservoir and input mounted on the subjects arm. The subject however seems to be announcing that they can no longer move their legs as the researcher requested. The subject is then sedated and recording ends. 

Adam is being held up again by Admiral kelly his body tilting widely sideways and he is having trouble finding the orientation of the room.” 

“.... experimental log 38 as a demonstration of the scientists moving development far too quickly.” 

Experimental Log #38

Increased response time in the legs combined with the introduction of support springs within the armour have reduced that movement restrictions of the armour and made it much harder for the user to ‘pull away’ from the armor, this combined with several additional straps and metal binding to keep the users legs attached directly to the augmetics have solved several of the most recent problems. The newest set of experiments are moving on to vertical movement, focusing on the subjects ability to jump and move around obstacle strewn environments. 

-Recording break- 

It appears the engineers did not calibrate the hydraulics and other systems to function as shock absorbers, but rather only as force amplification devices. Meaning that impact shock is taken fully by the users body, This would normally not be an issue, however with the additional force and weight provided by the augmetic seems to cause issues upon landing. 

Audio-visual Log transcript:

The subject is suffering the same symptoms as prior subjects, low levels of function and unresponsiveness. Once the subject is roused from the stupor via an open handed impact to the cheek, delivered by the researcher,  they are directed to attempt an obstacle course. The subject seems to have little trouble with the primary obstacles, clearing them with little effort, however their recovery from each obstacle appears to be ungainly and improper. The subject is then presented with a  three meter high wall and instructed to go over it. Rather than scaling it as expected the subject simply jumped over the wall, exhibiting far more mobility and control than prior subjects in experiments. However upon landing the subjects legs appear to buckle and collapse under them, folding at several points that do not have joints. Indicating shattering of the bones. The subject seems unphased by the injury, Pointing it out to the researcher and asking if that is normal. This indicates that the drugs being used are of a high enough dosage and strength to suppress not only extreme pain but the shock reaction of the body. 

He can feel another person holding him up from the other side, but mutters that he is ok when anyone asks. E just keeps counting and breathing counting and breathing knowing that it has to be over soon. He just needs to hold himself together 

Experimental log #42

The final tests regarding midriff functionality have been completed, with shockingly low failure or complications compared to prior testing phases, we are putting this down to our own excellent ongoing improvements of the system. This final text is a sequential system test where a single subject will be required to use each individual part in sequence to ensure that no errors are likely to occur during the whole body testing or further complications are likely to occur.

-break in recording-

The subject suffered no ill effects due to the armour itself. However the subject seemed to become agitated and seemed to be suffering ill effects until they were returned to the augmetics. So long as prolonged exposure to the augmetics is not an ongoing factor we do not see an issue with this. 

“These testings had immense costs and horrific side effects to those who participated. Many of these men and women seen here are not functional or alive to testify in court as to what happened, however, the prosecution would like to call Admiral Vir to the stand as a representative of those who could not be here today, and s a member of the steel eye operation himself to ive the court a little idea about what this experiment did to people even when fully operational.”

Adam was still feeling light headed but even then he still knew what this was. This is what he was here for. Thi was the moment he had come to be a part of, the moment that he was here to help all those soldiers and test subjects used by steel eye.

Admiral Kelly stood with him as he made it to his feet, but he brushed off her hand and walked towards the witness stand. The judge stopped him on his way up.

“Are you well enough to testify Admiral?”

“This is why I came, your honor. Even if I had to crawl through a field of glass to get here.”

The courtroom murmured as he was sworn in, and he sat down feeling the eyes of the entire room on him.

He was still sweating and light headed.

“State your name for the record.”

“Adam Allen Vir.”

“And what is your position in the UNSC.”

“I am Fleet admiral of the UNSC space armada on loan to the GA.”

“And what branch?”

“Originally the air division. I trained at the Aerial combat academy as a fighter and shuttle pilot before being a member of the crew on the enterprise.”

“And how did you end up on Anin.”

“The Enterprise was being decommissioned for some wok, so I offered to go to Anin and be part of the war effort against the Drev.”

“And as a fighter pilot, you didn’t see much time on the ground.”

“No ma’am, I was primarily air support at that time.”

His voice was strong and hard, and the longer he talked the straighter he sat. he had to do this for them. He would NOT fall apart now.

“How did you end up on the ground forces then, Admiral.”

“Volcanic activity, ma’am, they call it the dark season when ash chokes the ai miles into the sky. It isn’t safe to land a ship or fly a jet in such conditions, so my vehicle was grounded. By that time the war was going badly and they needed every man they could get.”

“Were you trained for ground combat, Admiral.”

“Yes at the academy we were trained in ground combat though not as extensively.”

“And you lost your leg to a Drev.”

He reached down hand to his leg remembering the screaming of a red sky above, “Yes, I did.”

“What happened after that?”

“I ended up in a triage tent in out forward operating base. There was no medicine because all our supplies had been used up.”

“Would you say that you were delirious during that time.”

The defence stood quickly “Objection your honor. Leading the witness.”

“Dismissed, council.” The judge said, waving a hand.

“There were no painkillers, ma’am, so maybe. If not delirious than I was at least not in a right state of mind. I remember floating halfway in between being conscious and unconscious. I was in so much pain its…. Had to describe.” His voice wavered before he had it back on track shoring it up and strengthening it with memories of the men and women waiting back at the rehabilitation center.

“And at this time you were approached by Admiral Ablemen about the steel eye project?”

“Yes ma’am.”

“And did he detail any specifics.”

He paused thought for a moment trying to remember back into memories that he really didn’t want to foster, “Not…. really. It's hard to remember but I…. I remember him saying that we could help him win the war. I remember him saying that when I woke up I would be a new man. He gave us the choice to go home or serve the UNSC one last time.”

“In your opinion, would you have said yes had you been more conscious.”

“Objection based on conjecture your honor.”

“Objection accepted.”

Adam paused and the mn let him continue, “Wat DO you remember about what happened to you.”

“I…. remember pain and….. Anger. I was never really all there during the steel eye project. I remember feeling invincible, like I could do anything but at the same time, hazy. I remember getting orders and going out, and then nothing after that.”

“Did they tell you there would be rugs involved.”

“No ma’am.”

“And after the war was over, what happened. How did all of this affect you?”

He paused and struggled to speak for a moment, opening his mouth and then closing, “I…. have never been so hopeless in my entire life. I tried to get help with the Veterans association but my claim was denied. I…. went through withdrawals…. Horrible horrible drug withdrawals where I. I was in so much pain, I just….”He paused then lifted his head to look up at th courtroom making eye contact with them. His voice was as strong as ever “I wanted to die, and I would have done it if I hadn’t had a good support system in my family. After a few months my brother got me in contact with a group of people who got ahold of my service dog, and I was able to heal.”

“Does what happened still affect you”

“Yes Ma’am.”

“In what ways.”

“I still have long term PTSD, and while it is controlled and I am no longer on medication, I still have bad days. Days where I can’t move or think, days where the quietest nosies send me into a panic.”

“Were you ever compensated for your injuries, Admiral.”

He paused again and shook his head, “No ma’am, I never received help.”

“Thank you admiral, you may be seated.”

He stood, his head was clear and his hands were dry. He stepped down from the podium with his chin raised and his back straight returning to his seat. He had done it. He had done what he needed to do and the only thing that was lft was to survive the rest of the trail.

He could do that.

He survived operation steel eye didn’t he?

So he could certainly survive this.

[tilltheendwilliwrite]

Star-Crossed: Bound by Blood

Chapter Four

Master List / Read on AO3

Previous Chapter

Warnings: Canon divergent during Chapter 13 of The Mandalorian, serious pining, much angst, violence

A/N: I make this stuff up as I go along, if I screw something Star Wars-y up, apologies in advance, I didn’t do it on purpose, but I’m new to this Fandom. I will be cross posting this story between AO3 and Tumblr except the smutty bits. Those chapters will only be available to registered users on AO3. (I’m trying something new for people who want to read here on Tumblr, but to also avoid the smut for minors controversy. We’ll see how it goes.)

*I do not have a tag list* Please follow the story on AO3 if you want email updates, or follow @tilltheendwilliwrite-library where I post the new/latest chapters of all my stories.

***

Baast, back in her own clothes and covered in a cloak, hood pulled forward to hide her face, followed Din and Grogu through the bustling streets. It had been a long time since she'd been in the company of so many. 

It was overstimulating. There were too many voices, too many scents, too many emotions bombarding her at once. She increased her pace, walking practically on Din's heels as she reached out and laid her fingertips against the beskar. 

Blessed silence. Yes, she still heard the noise with her ears, but it no longer vibrated within her skull. Too long had she isolated herself to be this out of practice blocking out the world around her.

"Baast?"

She flinched and removed her hand. "Apologies. It is… loud. I have not been around this many people for some years."

He studied her for a moment before stepping closer. "The beskar blocks your abilities, doesn't it?"

She tilted her head. "To some extent, yes."

He handed her Grogu, then took her right hand and tucked her fingers at his elbow, allowing them to graze the silver of his vambrace. 

The position of honour caused her mouth to gape. "Mando?"

"When I show up with you, it is highly probable Karga will make assumptions. Do not be alarmed if I don't dispute them."

"Ah," Baast nodded and accepted her place in their deception. 

He led her through the market, Grogu babbling happily. Now that she wasn't fighting to shield her mind, she could focus on the people around them and the merchandise.

Spices, silks, pots, pans, and machine parts all crowded together, spilling from one booth to the next. The people called, cried, and bellowed in so many languages it was deafening for an all-new reason. 

Baast had never allowed herself to enjoy such things before. Always she had remained vigilant, one step ahead of those hunting her, but she knew nothing would come that Din would not first see. 

He was a great hunter. Grogu and his snippets of memory assured her of it.

Eventually, they left the market to walk dusty streets, heading into a more respectable, business-centric area of the city, finally arriving at a neatly whitewashed building with a plaque that read Magistrate above the door.

Baast hesitated.

"He's a friend."

She glanced up at Din and felt the small wave urging her to trust him bump against her. She did trust this Mandalorian. He would not put her in danger and motioned for him to continue.

The inside was as welcoming as the outside, with soft cream walls and individuals wearing brightly coloured clothing.

The female at the desk looked up, took them in, and pressed a button at her station. "The Mandalorian is here, Magistrate Kraga."

"Well, send him back!" bellowed from down the hallway.

The female rolled her eyes and waved them on. 

Baast felt more than heard Din's amusement. "Who is he to you?" she whispered.

"He was Leader of the Bounty Hunters Guild. Now he's still that, but also Magistrate of Nevarro."

They were met in the doorway by a man of later years, the grey of his beard giving him a distinguished air that went well with his yellow and gold robes.

Someone more naive than Baast might have said he looked jolly, but she knew better. He was happy to see Din, certainly, but there was a sharpness to his smile and cunning to his eyes that bespoke a shrewd businessman lurked beneath the finery. 

"Come in, Mando! You've had some success; I take it?" he asked.

Din tilted his head and motioned for the man to proceed them back into the room.

The Magistrate turned his cunning eyes her way, and Baast was suddenly very grateful for the heavy cloak.

"And you've brought a guest?"

"Greef Karga, Baast'mal," Din said, his voice without inflection.

"Charmed, I'm sure," the man said, attempting to peer past her hood. 

Baast clutched Grogu to her and glanced up at Din. He made no move either way, just gave her the inscrutable visage of his visor.

"Pirusti met," she murmured.

Karga's brow whipped up like it was alive, surprise written on his face. "Speaks Mando'a, hmm? Did you take a riduur and not tell me, my friend?"

As he warned her, Din didn't dispute it, and Karga jumped to his own conclusions with a toothy smile. 

"Well, congratulations! A clan of three! Come, we will drink to your good fortune."

"You mean you will drink," Din chuckled and made his way across the room to a small couch where he motioned Baast to sit with Grogu as he approached the man's desk and pulled three pucks from his pocket. "You can celebrate for us later. We have somewhere else to be."

Karga stared at the pucks, eyebrow slowly winging upward. "Only three, Mando? I sent you out with four. Surely no one escapes the Great Mandalorian?"

"The last was dead on arrival. Body retrieval wasn't an option."

Baast fought not to shudder and looked down when Grogu tapped her chest. A wave of soothing calm went through her, and she forced herself to relax.

Karga peered at Din for a long time before his gaze shifted to Baast. "You know, the last time you refused to turn in a bounty - or rather when you liberated a bounty after turning them in - they wound up bound to you. If I were the suspicious sort, I would wonder at the sudden appearance of a riduur and lack of a fourth body."

Din didn't move, he said nothing, yet it was as if he grew bigger and sucked the air from the room. The swelling wave of menace left Baast breathless.

Then Karga grinned. "Good thing I'm not the suspicious sort."

The heavy feeling subsided, and Baast sucked in a full breath.

"Should they ask, you tell them she's dead."

Karga nodded. "I'll log the information myself." Then, he opened a drawer and reached inside before sliding an ingot of beskar across the table. "For your trouble."

Din visually stiffened, betraying his surprise. "Where did you get that?"

"Off the Imps after this last round of clean up."

"You have others?"

Karga shook his head before throwing a handful of credits down beside it. "That should make us even."

"It does. Get your cargo off my ship." Everything went in a pouch on Din's belt.

Karga pressed a button on his desk. "Tana'ya, send the boys."

The bodies encased in carbonite would soon be off the ship. While Baast didn't mind them, the bodies within were in stasis - dreamless and without emotion - their startled or angry faces were slightly disturbing. 

"Now, a question for your lady before you leave," Karga smiled, and Baast went still. The man was far too interested in her. "Is it true Mandalorian wives put off their armour when they decide to have little warriors?"

Baast snorted. "Di'kutla. Anade knows gar ke barjurir gar'ade, jagyc'ade kot'la a dalyc'ade kotla'shya."

Again Din stiffened, betraying himself in a way Baast was not used to. "She says, "Foolish. Everyone knows you train your sons to be strong, but your daughters to be stronger.'" Almost too low to hear, he murmured, "My woman is all warrior."

Pride filled her and straightened her spine before despair crashed down. She could not be his woman. She could not condemn him to half a life if their bonds failed.

Grogu's hands caressed her face, comfort offered in the gesture.

She bent and kissed his wrinkled green head. "Ni kar'tayl gai sa'ad," she whispered, claiming what might be her only opportunity to have a child by adopting this one. "I know your name as my child," she translated near his large ear when his gentle curiosity filled her, the two of them hidden beneath her hood.

He cooed and patted her face, encouraging her not to give up hope, but Baast had lost hope years ago with her first mutation. Hope was a hard thing to cling to when one's teeth fell out.

The distressed cry from Grogu - who had the misfortune of picking up on that particularly disturbing memory - had Din before them in an instant. He dropped to a knee to sit Baast back when she hadn't even realized she was slumping forward over her knees. 

He peered into the shadows of the deep hood. "Baast?"

"It is nothing," she whispered, fighting tears and a trembling lip.

"Mando?" Karga murmured, sounding genuinely concerned.

Din spoke over his shoulder. "Shut down your recording devices and give us a moment… please."

Karga appeared stunned by the please before pressing a button on his desk. He headed for the door but paused to open a small cabinet. "There is water here should she need it." 

The quiet click of the door closing announced his exit before Din was thrusting back her hood. "Baast, what is it?"

"Nothing," she whispered, closing her eyes, her heart tearing itself in two.

Soft and warm, his bare hands cradled her face and swept the tears spilling from her eyes away. "This isn't nothing. I want to help. Let me."

"You cannot help this," she insisted. "I am too broken."

"You're not broken. Baast, tell me what's wrong?"

Unable to hold out against his kindness, she wrapped her arms around his neck and clung to him with Grogu safe between them. "I realized I would never have warriors. I will never know the joy of growing a new life. The closest I will ever come to being a mother is with Grogu."

Though he held her gently, it was a little stiff. It made her think he hadn't hugged many people or any, but eventually, his arms tightened, and hands began to stroke tenderly along her spine. "You don't know that."

"If I cannot bond with my mate, I cannot breed," she whispered the horrible truth into his cowl.

His hands stilled. She could almost feel him processing that information. Then, ever so gently, he murmured, "Aliit ori'shya tal'din."

Family is more than blood.

She clung tighter and wept into the beskar of her star-crossed mate.

***

Din kept his hand on Baast's hooked at his elbow as they walked through the market on their way back to the ship. She was subdued, far too quiet after her revelation. When he took her down the aisle where they sold clothing, she picked what she needed and nothing more.

He added to the pile, haggled down the price and hauled the sack of new things over his shoulder before offering his arm. His whole body ached for her. He didn't know what to say, what to do, how to comfort her after this. 

It had reduced the once-proud set of her jaw to a resigned tuck as she walked silently beside him. She was despondent and not at all the proud, fierce Zentari he knew her to be. 

Maker ! He didn't know how to snap her out of this self-induced funk. 

When she yanked him, beskar and all, into a narrow alleyway between two booths, Din wondered if he would have to. "Baast?"

"Someone comes for you," she growled, removing her hand from his armour, likely to open herself to this person's mind. "They are intent on finding you."

He was already reaching for his blaster. "Do they mean us harm?"

"I cannot tell. I can just feel the urgency. They are after you. Come." Baast turned and sprinted down the alley.

Din went after her, amazed by her agility as she went up the corner of two buildings and over a roof as smoothly as she'd run down the street. He followed with only slightly less grace and paced her as they ran silently above the market.

She swung around a corner and came to a stop on the balcony of a two-story home before throwing back her hood. "They persist." She handed him Grogu before snaking the beskar spear from his back.

"Baast, let me-" 

She growled so fiercely Din took a step in retreat. "They come for you, not me. I will stop them. Go. Get Grogu to the ship."

"I'm not leaving you here!" he insisted.

Baast snarled and snapped her teeth together before shrugging her cloak to the ground and going up the wall. She was gone so fast, he barely had time to register her disappearance before a sharp cry and harsh grunt rang out a few buildings back. 

"Kriff!" he hissed, snatching up her cloak before running after her.

He leapt the space between buildings in time to watch Baast take Cara Dune's feet out from under her and put the ex-shock trooper on her ass. Then his spear was headed for Cara's chest.

"Baast, stop!"

She did, so sharply and with so much control she went from in motion to motionless in an instant. "You know this one?"

"She's a friend."

Baast stepped back, dropped the butt of the spear to the ground and scowled at him. "You have too many."

He threw her the cloak, she tossed him the spear, both catching their items in the same instant. It sent a funny flutter to his heart. 

As Baast shrugged back into her cloak, Din crossed to Cara and held down his hand. 

She glared up at him, sporting a black eye and bloody lip. "Maker, Mando. Where'd you find this one?"

Baast hissed like an angry cat before tucking her braids into her hood and lifting it over her head.

He was finding this all too amusing and too damn close to his dream to be real. "Cara Dune, Baast'mal."

Grogu cooed and reached with grabby hands for Cara, who accepted Din's and let him haul her to her feet. "Hey! Womp rat! I've missed you."

She reached for the kid, but the low growl from Baast had the three of them glancing her way. Her hands were clenched in fists, and though he could no longer see her eyes, he knew she glared at the lack of space between Grogu and Dune.

"Nayc," Baast growled.

"Why?" Din asked.

"Kaysh cuyir ner adiik."

He was only surprised for a moment. After her earlier emotions, it shouldn't have phased him she'd taken Grogu as her child.

"She is a friend," he murmured. "You can trust her with Grogu."

"Grogu?" Cara muttered. "Mando, what the kriff is this?"

"Ni taylir him o'r ner kar'ta," Baast growled, clenching her fists.

Din held out his hand, Grogu strangely silent like any Mandalore child would be when an unknown female attempted to touch the heart bound child of another. Grogu wasn't just a foundling to Baast, not anymore. She had accepted him as her child. 

This could all go sideways if he wasn't careful.

"Olaror," Din murmured, beckoning Baast to his side. "Udesla." He encouraged her to be calm when she arrived and placed her hand in his. "Haalur," he whispered for her ears alone. "No one will take him from us, but Dune has helped me get him back and keep him safe. You can trust her."

"I trust you," Baast sighed, her hand again finding its way to his elbow. "This place makes my hackles jump."

Suddenly, Cara wavered, her body rocking before she dropped to one knee. "Mando?" She fell to her side and rolled to her back. Her breath came hard and fast as dark lines raced to show her veins beneath her flesh. 

"That looks like poison," Din stated, handing Grogu to Baast before dropping down beside Cara.

"It is."

He glanced up in time to watch Baast throw back her hood and kneel beside him. "What are you talking about?

She held up an index finger and flexed it gently. From beneath the black nail emerged a sharp spine that glistened at the hollow tip. "They called it my Snake Tooth. It is full of Sand Cat venom. It appears I caught her with it. I thought her foe at the time."

"Maker," Din whispered. 

Dune was a dead woman.

"Give me your cuisse," Baast commanded as she set Grogu down, then batted his hands away. "No, ad'ika. It is more than you can heal. I will fix her."

"How?" Din asked as Dune began to claw at the ground. The pain must be excruciating, but she kept her teeth clenched.

"Your cuisse!" Baast snapped. "We have not much time." 

He began to unbuckle the thigh guard. "What are you going to do, Baast?"

The words barely cleared his lips before she reached into her mouth and yanked out a tooth. 

"Kriff!" he bellowed as blood dripped down her chin. "What was that?"

She swiped at her face, smearing blood before snatching his cuisse and turning it into a makeshift dish. "Your canteen."

He handed it over. "Baast?"

"I inherited the Manka's teeth. It is another reason they fight so hard to retrieve me." She ground the canteen down on the tooth, then added enough water to dissolve the powder before bringing his cuisse to Cara's blackening lips. "Drink and live."

Cara's wild eyes rolled to him, and Din nodded. She could trust Baast, even if the one had just tried to kill the other. 

Baast poured the liquid into Cara's mouth and made sure she swallowed before handing the thigh guard back to Din.

"How long does it take-"

"What the kriff is going on here!" Cara spat as she launched herself into a seated position, black lines receding like they were being erased.

"Hn. I see," Din chuckled. Faster than he had expected. He pulled a rag from his pocket, one always close at hand with Grogu around and dumped water on it before reaching to clean the blood from Baast's face. "How long until the tooth regrows?"

"Three weeks." Baast's lashes fluttered. She leaned into his hand like a cat enjoying the petting.

It made him sick, wondering how she knew that with such assurance. How many times had her torturers pulled her teeth? 

"You will want to avoid alcohol for the next full day. The powder will not allow harm to befall you. That includes pouring poison into your liver," Baast warned.

"What did you just do to me?" Cara demanded. 

"Saved your life. In the process, the Manka teeth make you invulnerable to harm for the next day." Baast lunged and laid Cara out, her sharp claws clenched around Cara's neck. "Do not waste this gift, and do not speak of it to anyone," she snarled.

"Or what?" Cara forced out. "I'm invulnerable to harm."

"I can still tear out your throat. Even my abilities cannot repair that." Baast gave her a bloody smile that was terrifying to see before releasing Dune and retrieving Grogu.

"I see you've made a new friend," Dune muttered. "She'd be hot if she wasn't terrifying."

Din smirked and helped Cara to her feet. "She is something."

She looked at him and arched a brow. "I think you like her."

He said nothing.

"Maker! You do!" Cara laughed and shook her head. "You know Karga thinks you married her. That she's something called a riduur? I said there's no way, not our Mando, but now I'm not sure." 

She peered up at him as if she could see through the visor. Din stared back until she huffed and shook her head. 

"Well, she fights dirty, so I guess that's a good thing. I never even felt her scratch me with that snake thingy."

"Snake Tooth," he murmured, watching Baast smile at Grogu as the little one played with the end of her braid.

"And she's sure not hard on the eyes," Dune murmured.

Jealousy soured Din's stomach. Baast was not his to covet, yet he wanted to. He wanted everyone to see how mesh'la she was, but he also wanted to hide her beauty away, let it be just for him to admire.

"What did you want, Dune?" he asked coldly.

She appeared to shake herself from Baast's thrall and turned toward him. "I just wanted to see the kid and check-in before you left again. Nothing exciting ever happens around here unless you're involved," she grinned.

"Was this excitement enough?" Din asked, amused.

"Nah," Cara scoffed. "That's a typical afternoon," she chuckled.

He snickered, watching Baast's face light up when Grogu chattered in coos and babbles. She murmured to him, spoke Mando'a so low she probably thought he couldn't hear her, but he could. He could hear her calling him sweet baby as she stroked his ear before she lifted him beneath her chin and rumbled that sound that made the thing in his chest purr back. 

If that didn't quit, he would have to get it checked by the covert's resident healer. 

It couldn't be healthy.

***

Pirusti met - well met

Nayc - no

Kaysh cuyir ner adiik - he is my child

Ni taylir him o'r ner kar'ta - I hold him in my heart

Olaror - come

Udesla - calm

Haalur - breathe

ad'ika - little one

***

Next Chapter

[just-a-quirkless-loser]

In A World Of Grey

Chapter One

Words: 4K

(Not my art. Please credit the artist if you know their handle💕)

Thank you @anonymous for reminding me to update this piece!!!

Sountrack: ‘34+35′ by Ariana Grande, ‘I Don’t Miss You At All’ by FINNEAS, ‘Chained to the Rhythm’ by Katy Perry

Grey:

Adj: A color intermediate between black and white

Adj: Pale, as through age, tiredness, or illness

expulsion...ExPulSiOn...EXPULSION!?!?! Grey couldn’t believe that she was sitting on the sidelines of the track getting ready to compete for her spot in Class 1-A. She’s only been in the class for a few minutes and she’s already on the chopping block for being expelled. As Grey looked around, she noticed her peers having the same fearful, anxiety filled gazes as they looked around the obstacle courses. 

Aizawa stood in front of them, gazing at them as they huddled together, trying to think hard about how they were going to pass (and some of them thinking to impress) with Aizawa. All of them stood together in a line, waiting for the next directions to be given. 

“As a hero, you must be resilient and strong. These obstacles are meant to test your strength before we begin your training as a hero. We’ll start with the fifty meter dash, followed by grip strength, standing long jumps, and the ball throw. You are allowed to use your quirks,” only problem with that was that Grey couldn’t think of any song that would help her. She wanted to shake as she now understood she’d probably fail if she couldn’t think of a song. And, failing means EXPULSION.

‘I can’t fail, I just can’t. Not after I’ve come so far to be better,’ she starts to feel the world spinning as she fears the worse however, she knows she won’t give up without giving it her all. 

They line up for the fifty meter dash, Iida to her left and Midoriya to her right. It doesn’t take a genius for her to know that she’s already beat by Iida but she  surprisingly comes to the end with five seconds, her thighs rubbing together as she runs. Truthfully, she’s disappointed with how she’s performed but she supposes it’s better than coming in last. 

The grip strength test wasn't as difficult as she thought it would be (although, she could probably thank her father's rigorous training regimen for that). She managed to lift 85 kilograms, which was better than a lot of other people, extraordinary for her considering that she doesn't even have a mutant type quirk.

The standing long jump wasn't anything too spectacular. She landed within the box.

‘At least I’m not in last place,’ Grey felt bad for Midoriya. She could already tell from his attitude that he had a positive outlook on life and she’d hate it for him to lose the sparkle his green eyes contained. Plus, isn’t this what they were going to U.A. for anyway? To gain the strength they needed to be heroes? Why would Aizawa expel any of them? It just didn’t make sense. 

The ball throw was good for Grey, her total coming to eight-hundred meters high, higher than Bakugou. Grey smiled giddily as Bakugou cussed about her being a ‘shitty girl’ that cheated.

“There’s no fucking way she beat me. I call bullshit,” Bakugou glared down at her radiating face, part of him already knowing he wasn’t truly mad. 

“She’s so manly,” Kirishima gushed.

“Manly? No, she’s too adorable for that,” Kaminari grinned. Sero was to his left, observing Grey as well. Grey didn’t notice how most of her classmates looked at her whenever she started to get happy, all of them wondering if she had a second type of quirk that could make them feel this way. 

“Midoriya, how do you expect to save people when you keep breaking your limbs whenever you use your quirk?” Grey felt bad for the boy that was currently being held by Aizawa’s scarf. Although, she understood why Aizawa was being so rough on him. He couldn’t keep getting injured the way he was if he wanted to be a legitimate hero. 

Thankfully, Midoriya was able to push through and, in the end, none of them were expelled. She supposed the extra incentive to do well was good for them all however, she still thinks it was a bit of an unorthodox method of teaching.

“You are all dismissed. Grey, I want to talk to you,” Grey tensed up as Aizawa beckoned her over to speak to him. “No songs for the fitness test?”

“I couldn’t think of any and my quirk wasn’t supplying anything,” she bows her head.

“Supplying?”

“Yes, Sensei. My quirk normally comes with a song before an event happens, normally either a day or days before. It normally clouds my judgement or rings through my mind so much I can’t forget it.”

“Have you tried writing the lyrics down? Making your own music?” Grey shook her head hard, her eyes dimming as she thought of the time she tried to make her own lyrics. 

‘Never again.’

“You should try, it will help you for when these types of things happen,” if only her father were here to protest what her Sensei was telling her. Nothing good comes from her making her own songs. “We noticed at the exam that your songs also seem to influence those that are in your proximity. Is that a side effect or do you have dual quirks?”

“No, Sensei,” it was a good lie. Short and sweet to the point and Aizawa bought it. Grey’s father popped into her head, repeating the lie to her, telling her she should never tell anyone about her mother’s quirk, no matter what trouble she may be in. Was it a selfish request? Yes, but her father was a selfish man. Either way, she knew she owed it to her mother to never use her quirk again. 

“Very well. We’ll work on it during training,” wait...does that mean he’ll help her with her quirk?

“Wait, you’re the one that's going to help me?”

“Of course. I’m your teacher,” Grey couldn’t help but squeal and jump up and down, her energy hitting Aizawa full force, making his tiredness disappear. He had a small smile on his face as he watched her run away squealing. “She’s a peculiar one.”

“What did Aizawa-Sensei need?” Mina asked as Grey returned to the girls locker room to change.

“He wanted to know why I didn’t use a song for the test today.” 

“Why didn’t you?”

“My quirk didn’t give me one,” yet, her quirk was now starting to belt a few tones, making her think something important was about to happen. She got dressed quickly and left the locker room, excited to see whatever the music was prepared for. 

“LITTLE LISTENERRRR, WAIT FOR ME,” Present Mic was once again screaming from the distance, his tone gaining in pitch with how excited he was getting. He was running towards her when one of Aizawa’s scarves came from nowhere, wrapping him up before he could reach her. “AIZAWAAAAA.”

“Yamada, leave her be. Can’t you see she’s in a rush?” Aizawa rolled his eyes as he caught his friend in the middle of trying to stop Grey as she was running to the front gates of the school. 

“PLEASEEEEE,” Aizawa put him down, already getting a headache from his friend’s pleading. “Five minutes.”

“You’re Grey, right?” Yamada asked her and didn’t wait for her reply. “Yes, you are. I’ll be assisting Aizawa with your quirk training. The school thinks you could use the extra help considering your quirk is a sonic-emitter type like mine. So, I look forward to hearing whatever you come up with in that little noggin of yours,” Grey smiled hard, her energy once again amplifying. 

“Thank you so much for helping me,” Grey bowed and ran away before they could say anything, causing both of them to smile. 

Grey decided to take the long way home that day, popping her hips to the pop music in her head. She wanted to dance but she opted not to considering all the looks the people around her were giving. Her smiles were infectious, lifting the days of the people she passed. 

She ended up passing a group performing on the street: a keyboard player, a violinist, and a drummer were playing. All they needed was a singer...

“Do you guys mind if I join? I promise I can sing,” Grey’s mind was now flooding with lyrics. Ofcourse, the time when she doesn’t necessarily need it, the music comes in bounts. 

“Knock yourself out little girl,” said the gruff drummer with his beard flowing down his chest. Grey grinned, starting off the song. 

“You might think I’m crazy, the way I’ve been craving, if I put it quite plainly, just give me them babies.”

So, this is one of those times the music is a bit...explicit. However, Grey can’t help herself as she sings, shimmying down and around the band, gathering the attention of many onlookers, her blush prominent on her cheeks as she grinded her hips into the air. 

“So what you doing tonight? Better say "Doing you right" Watching movies but, We ain't seeing a thing tonight.”

Grey laughed loudly as she caught sight of Sero in the crowd, waving in between the stanzas as she hit a splits in front of him, pulling herself up as she swung her head around, her dutch braids whipping around her to create a faux halo. 

She kept singing, no matter how large the crowd was getting, waving her hips enticingly as she did a backstand into a flip through the crowd that parted for her like the Red Sea. Many began clapping for the girl as it became apparent that she was putting her all into the performance. 

“I don't wanna keep you up (you up) But show me, can you keep it up? (It up?) 'Cause then I'll have to keep you up, So maybe, I'mma keep you up boy.”

Sero sang backup for her as she danced around him, using his body as a wall to push herself up against, her body creating a visual representation of what the lyrics promised. She briefly wondered what she looked like to the people around her? A girl in a school uniform dancing so wildly? She didn’t care as long as she was having fun. 

“Wanna come home with me tonight?” Grey asked Sero once she was satisfied with her dancing.

“You sure about that? You’ve only known me for a few hours. How do you know I’m not a homicidal maniac that cha-chas after he kills his victims?” Sero mimicked the move he talked about, his arms swinging left to right.

“Okay, for one, good dancing. For two, if you are a cha-cha slanging killer, I’d be honored to die by your lady killing moves,” Grey giggled. “Plus, you’d be the type to slaughter me in my sleep.”

“True. Lead the way, fearless lady,” Sero stood to the side and motioned for her to walk in front of him. This was turning out to be a really good day for Sero. Kaminari would lose his mind when he found out he got to spend extra time with Grey. 

“What do you want for dinner?” Grey led Sero all the way to her humble apartment, unlocking it and yanking him into her space right after her. Sero looked around, noting the lack of pictures on the walls. “I’ll have to warn you that I’m not the best cook. 

“Anything is fine. When will your parents be home?” Sero instantly felt bad at the way the girl's face dimmed. Walking further into her apartment, Sero could see that there was a small, rotating sectional in the corner with a few chairs scattered around the living room. The furniture was pointed at a flat-screen T.V. (which was coincidentally playing the American news). When he looked over to the dining room, his heart sunk a bit more when all he saw was a small round table, clearly meant for one person. “You live here alone, don’t you?”

‘Great! Now he thinks he made me upset. There’s no way I’m ruining this opportunity,’ Grey thought as she whirled around to face Sero. She’d be damned if she let this chance to be around someone other than the mailman slip away. 

“I do! My dad’s an American hero, so he sent me away to be safe,” okay, that was a very big omission of truth. He DID send her away to be safe...from her. “It gets a bit lonely but he always answers when I call.”

Sero felt a little better hearing her explanation but, he still took notice to the way she didn’t mention her mother. Deciding to let it slide, Sero grinned and nodded.

“So, dinner?” Sero and Grey migrated into the kitchen. There was a small marble island in the middle with a spacious countertop seated on the wall. 

“Hmmm, I’ll let you pick,” Sero took a seat as Grey got out the ingredients for spring rolls. As she cut up all the vegetables, Sero sat at the little dining table, laughing at the crazy things she would do as she cooked. 

“Then, what did you do?” Sero was practically screaming as he laughed at the story Grey was telling him. 

“I did what any rational person would do; I poured some barbecue sauce on my ass and told him to kiss it. Then I pushed him into the closet,” they both were laughing hard as Grey came to the table with food for Sero to assemble his own roll. 

“What did he say? Did he kiss it?” he wiggled his eyebrows.

“No, ahehe,” Grey rubbed the back of her neck sheepishly. “He actually had a wig in the closet which he put on, turned around, and screamed “Jokes on you Grey, I identify as a woman” and tackled me onto the bed.” 

Sero was holding a fist to his mouth, trying not to snort at Grey’s story. This girl was such a whirlwind to him; he couldn’t wait till they had their own stories of each other. He looked down at his phone, noticing a text message from his mother telling him he’d have to get home soon. It was already nine o’clock! 

“Wow, I didn’t know it was this late. I’ve gotta start heading home,” Sero said as he got up, gathering his plate so he could wash it. “Thanks for having me over!”

“No problem! You can come over any time; I enjoyed having you over. And, don’t worry about the plate. I’ll wash it. It’ll give me something to do,” despite how much she smiles, Sero could feel Grey’s loneliness. No one can ever truly be okay being alone every single day in a forgeign country with no one to talk to. He can only think about how sad she must be at night when she falls asleep without her father.

“I’ll definitely be coming over more often,” Sero placed the plate in the sink for her, walking over to give her a big hug. Grey’s eyes were wide as her arms were squeezed to her sides. She didn’t know what to do. She hadn’t been hugged like this since she was seven years old. “We’ll definitely be making more memories.”

He left soon after, promising one last time that he’d be coming over soon. She was still smiling moments later as she was washing the dishes, reminiscing on how happy she felt. If only she could feel this way all the time. 

Once she finished washing all the dishes, Grey went upstairs and took her shower (she wasn’t really feeling up to taking a bath). Grey could hear a song coming into her mind, killing her happy mood as she started to listen to the lyrics. 

‘I swear I don’t, Miss you at all, And I barely still remember, Who’s in the pictures on my wall.’

As she washed her body, she wanted to believe that she truly didn’t miss her father but that would be believing a lie. She missed him with every fiber in her being but, there was nothing she could do about this feeling. Her father is a busy enough man and he doesn’t need her taking up any more of his focus. That’s what she had been telling herself to justify his behavior. She just wishes she could still believe that too. 

One thing about her quirk that she’s noticed is that it plays off her emotions. Sometimes, the music will be truly random but, most of the time, the music is created from a strong feeling. She’s also noticed that the more she connects with the song, the harder it is to control her influence on the song. So, she wondered if this new song was any indication of what she was truly feeling. 

‘All but forgotten, About those eyes, A shade of green, that if he seen, Would make F. Scott Fitzgerald cry.’ 

How long had it been since she saw her father? He hadn’t even seen her off when she left for Japan. And, before that, he had been gone for a while on a mission (she half suspects he was just staying somewhere else to avoid her). By her estimation, it’s about a year and a few months since she’s seen him. She doesn’t know whether she should still be pained from her feelings. 

Grey supposes it can be worse than what it is right now. Her father could’ve sold her off to the American government, claiming she was a loose cannon. And, it was somewhat true. She was a loose cannon in the sense that she couldn’t control her quirk like others but, it wasn’t as if she didn’t try her hardest to suppress the urges she had every day. 

Truthfully, her only hope for a good future as a hero was lying in her teacher’s hands. She needs help from them; the help she should be getting from her own father. Again, she still can’t feel any resentment towards her father. 

Grey got dressed in her Pikachu onesie, her mind drifting off a bit to Kaminari’s hair, and went downstairs to complete her nightly routine. She plugged up her laptop to the t.v., searched for the American news channel just like she did every night, and sat on the rotating sectional in the corner of her living room. She watched as the broadcasters talked about the daily news, happy to see that her father wasn’t on the screen. 

This was her only way to make sure her father was safe. Her father was prone to not answering his phone for long periods of time, so she had stopped calling so frequently. If anything ever did happen to her father, she would most likely find out just like any stranger would. 

‘And I’m sleeping fine, I don’t mean to boast, But I only dream about you, Once or twice a night at most. And it feels so good, eating alone, I don’t get distracted by your smile, And miss the green lights driving home.’

She would sit in that sectional for hours, making sure that her father was safe. Her loyalty and dedication to him weighing on her consciousness. She felt bitterness creep into her soul. Why did she care about him so much?

Then, the guilt came; it always comes. It’s her fault that her father is the way he is. This is her penance. She knows she must pay the price of what she’s done but, it hurts all the same. It hurts like hell. 

This particular night, she sees her father smiling at the camera as he restrains a villain. He looks so good to the public, his bright, white teeth setting him apart. His dark skin looks good against his white superhero costume. Hell, even his grey hair looks nice. He looks better than he’s ever been with her. 

“OUR NEXT TOP STORY: AMERICAN PRO-HERO ‘SOUND-YEAR’ HAS ONCE AGAIN SAVED THE DAY.”

She watches with tears in her eyes, hurt in her heart. Why couldn’t he be this happy with her? 

‘But I won’t, Make that mistake again and fall, So I say I don’t, Miss you at all, And one day I won’t, Miss you at all.’ 

                                                          ***

‘Are we crazy, Livin’ our lives through a lens, Trapped in our white picket fence.’ 

Oh my! Grey woke up the next morning, body grooving on its own. It’s weird how quickly her feelings can change but she doesn’t question it. All she does is shoulder shuffle out of her bedroom to her bathroom and get prepared for the day. She dressed in her uniform, using her hairbrush as a microphone. She’s pretty sure she forgot to eat breakfast in her dance craze. She figured she’d just get lunch at the school. 

“Aren’t you lonely, Up there in Utopia, Where nothing will ever be enough, Happily Numb, So comfortable, we’re living in a bubble, bubble,” Grey sang loudly on the train, her quirk flowing through the bodies of the other people around her. Their souls felt uplifted, their feet thumping on the train's floor, their bodies shimmying to her accord. 

Poor Grey didn’t notice how she was controlling the people around her and, to her credit, none of them seemed to mind. Her song control wasn’t bothering them. 

When she got off the train (A nice lady had noticed her U.A. uniform and directed her off on the right stop), she continued her dancing all the way to U.A. A few pedestrians that got too close to her felt their moods lift a bit, eyeing her with curiosity. To most, she would seem like some wild girl but, the closer they looked the more they saw her beautiful aura of happiness. 

“Turn it up, it's your favorite song, Dance, dance, dance to the distortion, Turn it up, keep it on repeat,” and this is where her true problem rears its head. As she danced into the school, people were raptured by her song. They began to dance just as she had sung, their bodies flailing to repeat her moves. Grey’s voice was loud, drowning out all the student’s that were yelling for her attention. 

“Stumblin’ around like a wasted zombie, Yeah, we think we’re free, Drink, this one’s on me, We’re all chained to the rhythm, To the rhythm, to the rhythm,” she danced into Class 1-B. Vlad was getting ready to direct her out when his body began to dance as well. The students that were already in the class couldn’t fight her temptation as they began to stumble around, running into each other. Hell, some people were crashing into desks and walls. 

Grey’s eyes were still closed. The poor, oblivious girl. She had no idea of the mayhem she was causing. All she knew was that the music was making her feel good. She wanted to feel good. 

Vlad was trying hard to fight her siren’s call when he experienced first-hand what happens when you try to go against Grey’s commands. The blood bubbled in his throat, snorting from his nose, running out of his ears. His atoms were clashing against each other violently, causing more blood to splurt from his body. 

“GREY, GREY, PLEASE! SOMEONE GET PRESENT MIC,” Vlad was screaming to the top of his lungs to any students that were out of her singing range. To be fair, Grey’s range goes far, most likely extending to Class 1-A. 

Footsteps were pounding the school's hallways. Present Mic was yelling some low sound waves, trying to cancel her sound out. He hoped he could get to the girl before any real damage was done. However, he was too late. 

What drew Grey out of her happy trance was a spurt of blood that landed on her face. Her eyes snapped open, staring up widely at Vlad’s bloody appearance. Her body began to shake as she slowly turned to look around, seeing her peers with red faces as they hugged their bodies. She felt the tears bubble in her eyes as she kept glancing at Vlad’s face, the image of his blood flowing would be permanently stained into her mind. 

“I’m so sorry.”

—————————————————————————-

TagList💕

@sakurashortstack @sinclairsamess @mha4life007

[idontgiveaflyinggrayson69]

Auston Matthews N/SFW Alphabet

A = Aftercare (What they’re like after sex)

Auston isn’t one for aftercare. He likes to talk to you about whatever and run his hand up and down your back, but nothing more than that. If you needed or wanted something, like a towel to wipe yourself off, you would have to ask for it.

B = Body part (Their favourite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

Auston loves boobs. He’s a total boob guy. He loves looking at and touching your boobs. Low cut shirts and dresses absolutely kill him.

On himself, Auston likes his arms and his jaw. His arms are strong and covered in tattoos and his jaw is sharp and he knows that you find both of them super hot.

C = Cum (Anything to do with cum basically… I’m a disgusting person)

Auston wants to finish in you, condom or not.

But, if he were to pull out, he loves to cum on your boobs. He loves your boobs so much already and seeing his cum on your boobs, claiming you in that way… It’s super hot to Auston.

D = Dirty Secret (Pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

He has a fantasy of using how well he can sexually please you to teach some of the rookies on the team.

E = Experience (How experienced are they? Do they know what they’re doing?)

Oh, he knows what he’s doing, no question. He’s been around the block more than a few times.

F = Favourite Position (This goes without saying. Will probably include a visual)

He likes when you ride him because your boobs bounce with your movements and he can touch and play with your boobs.

But he also likes anything that lets him be in control when he wants to be in control.

So, he likes pulling your leg over his hip or shoulder and just pinning you into the mattress with your hands above your head.

G = Goofy (Are they more serious in the moment, or are they humorous, etc)

Auston is not a goofy guy in the bedroom. He’s super soft and giggly in the mornings, but the only time he’s really “goofy” is when something unfortunate happened to you. If it happened to him, like if he fell out of bed, it’s not funny. You falling out of bed, on the other hand, is the funniest thing ever.

H = Hair (How well groomed are they, does the carpet match the drapes, etc.)

Auston takes pride in how he looks, so he grooms himself. But, there is no grooming happening at all during the playoffs.

I = Intimacy (How are they during the moment, romantic aspect…)

It depends on his mood. There are times when you wonder if he has a caring bone in his body because he’s just so rough and not intimate, and there are times when he could make you melt with feelings.

J = Jack Off (Masturbation headcanon)

Auston jerks off all the time. He gets too frustrated not to.

He’s favourite kind of masturbation is when the two of you have Skype sex. He likes to see you and see you touch yourself for him.

K = Kink (One or more of their kinks)

Like I said, he really likes to watch you touch yourself for him. So, he’s super into sitting in a chair in the corner of the room and watching you touch yourself, telling you how to touch yourself.

He likes it when you call him Papi. He reallylikes it when you call him Papi.

And he’s into choking. That being said, if he ever took it too far and you weren’t able to stop him (he didn’t know he went too far until after), he would never do it again.

He’s really into anal.

L = Location (Favourite places to do the do)

He likes to keep this private. Hotels are fine, sometimes in the car after an event and he just couldn’t wait till he got home to have you. But, generally speaking, he likes to keep it to his or your space.

And he likes to take you against the wall.

M = Motivation (What turns them on, gets them going)

Aside from the obvious low cut shirts or tight dresses, Auston gets turned on when you do mundane things like cook a meal, doing laundry, and especially if you were to wash the floor on your hands and knees.

It also gets him going when you challenge something that he said. If you were to talk back to him, he’d just back you against the counter or the wall and make you feel small and be like “is that so?” or “what did you just say?”

N = NO (Something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

He does not like it when you tease him. If you try to tease him by not quite giving him what he wants, he’ll stop you, and his grip on your wrist would be hard.

He also does not eat ass.

O = Oral (Preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc)

Auston definitely prefers receiving over giving, but he’ll make sure you’re satisfied.

You on your knees before him, him tangling his hand into your hair before you take him into your mouth? He’s done. He absolutely loves it.

And it’s super fun to blow him when he’s playing Chel with the guys because he always loses awfully because he stops focusing on the game. He always turns his mic off, but you tell him to keep it on and continue talking to the boys like your lips weren’t wrapped around his cock.

P = Pace (Are they fast and rough? Slow and sensual? etc.)

His pace depends on his mood. It’s always firm, but sometimes he’s rough and fast, other times he drags things out teasingly, and other times he takes things slow in an intimate way.

Q = Quickie (Their opinions on quickies rather than proper sex, how often, etc.)

They’ll happen every now and then, like in the car after an event and neither of you could wait, but generally he’s not a fan. He wants to have sex and not just be in and out quickly.

R = Risk (Are they game to experiment, do they take risks, etc.)

He’s willing to branch out and explore new things, but he also knows what he likes.

S = Stamina (How many rounds can they go for, how long do they last…)

Auston can last a while, like it’s impressive. But, he can usually only go for one round. On a good day, two. And usually after he’s done, he’s done. He gets tired really fast and he just wants to go to sleep.

T = Toy (Do they own toys? Do they use them? On a partner or themselves?)

Auston is interested in toys, but only uses them occasionally because he thinks he shouldn’t have to use some toy to make you feel good (and he doesn’t, he can play you like a fiddle).

U = Unfair (How much they like to tease)

Unfair would be an understatement. Auston loves to tease. He would tease you all day if he could, all with his stupid smirk on his lips. But, you can’t tease him back. That is a huge no no.

V = Volume (How loud they are, what sounds they make)

Mostly, Auston is just soft groans and breathy moans with a little bit of dirty talk depending on the day.

When you blow him on the other hand… He can get pretty loud.

And he’s louder in the morning.

W = Wild Card (Get a random headcanon for the character of your choice)

He learnt how to talk dirty in Spanish because he knew that you’d find that hot.

X = X-Ray (Let’s see what’s going on in those pants, picture or words)

He’s about 6-6.5 inches and girthy. He’s a thicc boi and his dick reflects that.

Y = Yearning (How high is their sex drive?)

Literally he’s always yearning. He’s a young professional athlete. He’s down to fuck literally all the time.

Z = ZZZ (… How quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

Pretty fast. After sex Auston gets sleepy in a really cute way, he gets cuddly and he starts to slur his words together as he cuddles with you. He’ll lightly run his hand down your side for a little bit before he’s out like a light.

[ddixons-angel]

Fated: Season 4

Summary: Gloria Rhee narrowly escapes Atlanta with her brother as the outbreak reaches the city. Luckily, they find a camp outside the city and together, they fend through encounters with the living and undead.

Starts a little before Season 1 and then follows the main storyline of the show.

Pairing: Daryl Dixon x Glenn Sister!OC

Warnings: major TWD spoilers, language, violence (the typical TWD stuff) 

A/N: Woot woot! We are on Season 4!!! Who’s excited??? :D I’m excited and kinda nervous for what you guys think haha the first half of this season will be taking place in the 1-2 ish month time lapse they had between seasons in the show, hope you guys like that ^^ enough of my rambling, let’s go! finding gifs for the first half of this season was so hard guys lol

Chapter 1

It’s been a month since the survivors won the war against the Governor. Rick had taken up farming with Hershel and they even built a pen for some wild piglets they had found in the woods. Daryl had helped him round them up and herd them into the prison fences. It was now peaceful within the prison, lively with the newcomers from Woodbury but peaceful. Sasha and her brother, Tyreese, had come with the Woodbury residents. They’d all set up a job system for everyone; some people assigned on watch, some on the fences to take care of the walkers that had gotten piled up so that the fences wouldn’t collapse from the weight. 

Carol and Gloria were in the kitchen near the main area of the cell blocks serving lunch to everyone. Another serving of Carol’s classic squirrel and rabbit stew, courtesy of Daryl’s hunting skills. Two girls from Woodbury happily bounce up to Gloria and Carol.

“Hello Lizzie, hello Mika.” Carol smiles at the two girls.

“Hello Carol and Gloria!” the girls speak in unison with a happy grin on their faces. 

Gloria chuckles at how cute they are then passes one of the filled bowls to Carol then goes on to fill up another one. The girls thank Carol and Gloria for the food then happily go over to their father. Glenn smiles as he walks over to the kitchen area, leaning on the counter. 

“So uh... Carol made this right?” Glenn says jokingly, teasing Gloria. 

“Rude. Okay, you aren’t getting any, this is for Maggie.” Gloria playfully eyes Glenn, taking a bowl away from him.

“Alright, alright, I’m sorry! I was kidding!” Glenn pleas, reaching out for the bowl again.

“A word of advice, Glenn. Never mess with a woman in the kitchen.” Carol chuckles at him, shaking her head.

Glenn chuckles and nods, “Yes, ma’am.”

“Here, go eat.” Gloria gives him a second bowl filled with stew for Maggie. 

He takes the bowls and goes to the table where Maggie is sitting and sits down beside her. Another newcomer, Nina, walks up to the women this time.

“Good morning, Carol!” she smiles then tries to hide her grimace at Gloria, “and hi Gloria.”

“Good morning, Nina.” Carol says with a fake smile, handing her a bowl.

“Oh, can I get another one? I wanted to get a bowl for someone else too.” Nina smiles sweetly at Carol with pleading eyes. 

Not bothered with being ignored, Gloria hands her the second bowl and Nina murmurs a thanks then heads to one of the tables. Carol eyes Nina as she walks away then looks over at Gloria and nudges her with a disapproving look.

“What?” Gloria asks, confused.

“You better watch out for that girl.” Carol tells her, nodding pointedly in Nina’s direction.

Nina had sat herself down at Daryl’s table, sitting beside him and placing the second bowl in front of him. Gloria let out a breath, she knew exactly what Carol was saying and they both knew the new girl liked Daryl.

“She’s just being friendly, it’s fine.” Gloria says, not bothered at all. 

“I don’t think it’s that simple.” Carol frowns then leans in and whispers to Gloria, “I think you should keep an eye out for her, call it mother’s intuition, but there’s just something off about that girl.”

“Alright, I will.” Gloria says then looks at Carol and nudges her, “did you just adopt me without me knowing?”

“Please,” Carol scoffs, “I adopted you a long time ago.”

Gloria laughs with Carol and then sees that Sasha is on her way out the building. As she had eaten before, Gloria makes her way out with Sasha since they had their shift on the fences together. 

“So what’s the bet today?” Gloria asks as she catches up with Sasha.

Sasha slows down her pace until Gloria is walking along her side, “that you and I will kill most of them judging with who was placed on our shift.”

Gloria furrows her brows in confusion then Sasha gestures back towards the building and Gloria glances back to the building to see Nina coming out holding a pipe. Sasha had nothing against Nina, she just knew the girl was not a fighter, not when she was back in Woodbury and definitely not when she got to the prison with the others. 

“Well, this’ll be fun.” Gloria chuckles.

Sasha scoffs and rolls her eyes, “yeah, carrying the group is always fun.”

Gloria runs ahead to the fence first and unsheathes her dagger, stabbing a walker through the fence, “first kill!”

“First doesn’t always mean you’ll win!” Sasha chuckles and jabs a walker through the fence. 

The two continue to bicker competitively as they kill the walkers through the fence. Eventually, Nina gets to the fence and she also joins in stabbing the walkers, but not as quick as Gloria or Sasha. Even though Gloria and Sasha got off to a rocky start when they had first met, they'd become fast friends with their competitive nature. Sasha never blamed Gloria for not letting them into the cell block, understanding that it was for the safety of Carl and the others. 

Gloria was about to stab another walker through the fence when an arrow whistles through and pierces the skull, killing it instantly. A knowing smile creeps on Gloria’s face when she sees the arrow.

“That does not count as your kill.” Sasha teases beside her.

Gloria chuckles at Sasha’s words and yanks the arrow out from the walker’s skull, letting it fall to the ground. She turns around and as expected, sees Daryl walking towards her with his crossbow now slung behind his shoulder. 

“Show off.” Gloria calls out, wiping the arrow on her pants before handing it back to him.

“Thought ya needed help with that one.” Daryl teases, a side smile tugging at his lips. 

Gloria rolls her eyes and scoffs jokingly, “I had it handled, Mr. Dixon.”

Sasha chuckles behind her, “hey, are you two lovebirds gonna flirt all day or help?” 

“See what you did? Making me look lazy.” Gloria nudges him and stabs another walker through the fence, making Daryl laugh.

A whining cry from Nina captures their attention as she struggles with killing one of the walkers. Her pipe got stuck in the skull of a walker she had just killed. 

“D-Daryl, help me, please!” she whines. 

Being the way he is, Daryl goes to help her. He pulls the pipe out from the walker with one hand, looking rather effortless. Gloria had gone back to killing walkers through the fence. 

“Wow, Daryl, you’re so strong!” Nina gleams at him helping her. 

Sasha gawks at Nina then turns to look at Gloria, “how are you not bothered? You can not be okay with this.” she says in a whisper.

“Because,” Gloria starts then leans in and whispers to Sasha, “she can flirt all she wants but at the end of the day, Daryl’s mine and he knows that.”

“Oh wow.” Sasha chuckles, feeling quite proud of her friend’s confidence.

“Plus, you wanna take in how uncomfortable Daryl looks with her advances?” Gloria can’t help but point out that he’s been shifting on his feet, clearly not comfortable with how much attention Nina’s paying him.

Sasha glances and notices it too and laughs, nodding in agreement, “you’re right, you got nothing to worry about.”

Daryl comes back to Gloria once Nina is done bombarding him, “hey, Glenn wanted to do some meeting for tomorrow’s run.”

“I’m included?” Gloria looks over at him, yanking her knife out of a walker. 

“Yep.” is all he says as he walks back to the prison. 

---

Gloria had finished her shift with Sasha and Nina. Tyreese and a few others were in charge of taking the corpses to a designated area to burn. After getting cleaned up from her shift, Gloria came back out to the main area where Glenn and Maggie were already seated at a table with a map spread out. Gloria sat across from them and looked at the area Glenn had circled in red. Daryl came by and sat down beside Gloria, automatically snaking an arm around her waist. She smiles at him as Glenn starts to explain the plan.

“So this place used to be a really popular mall, I’ve driven past it before and it seems pretty overrun, but with the right team we can get a pretty good run out of it.” Glenn says, pointing to the circled area. 

“By the right team you mean...” Gloria ponders out loud while looking at Glenn.

“Us four.” Glenn tells her.

Gloria chuckles, “Glenn, if you wanted a double date, you could have just asked.” 

The others chuckle at her comment, “yeah yeah... well, jokes aside, I’m thinking we can enter the mall at opposite sides, clear it and meet in the middle. Maggie would be covering me, and Daryl covering Gloria. Scavenge what we can find and exit through the main doors.” Glenn explains, his hands guiding them through the map and the other smaller map Glenn had drawn to give them a good visual of the place. 

“So we’ll be leaving early tomorrow morning, that way we can make it back for dinner?” Maggie confirms.

“Depending on how it goes, we might even come back with dinner.” Daryl says.

“Speaking of dinner,” Glenn looks around the room, “where’s Carol?”

Gloria rolls her eyes, “I swear, you just ate.”

“I’m a growing boy!” Glenn grins cheekily at her, Maggie puts her hand to her face in slight embarrassment.

Daryl looks at Gloria with a smirk, “ya sure he’s older?”

“He is...” Gloria sighs jokingly. 

---

Next Chapter

There you have it, first chapter of Season 4! We have a newly introduced character, I have a feeling not a lot of people are gonna like her at all hahaha I wanted to create some kind of love triangle or even have a jealous Gloria but... I just couldn’t see her jealous so it became this xD let me know what you guys think and what you think will happen on that run they’re gonna go on? (it’s not the Big Spot run, that comes after hehe) 

I hope everyone stays safe and healthy, please don’t panic, we will get through this!

And as always, I would really appreciate any comments left for me! I’ll be replying to any comments in a new post because this is a sideblog!

Taglist (please let me know if you’d list to be added/removed!):

@twdeadfanfic​ | @fandomfanatic97 | @crossbowking | @watchmeaspire | @spidergirla5 | @kamieshep | @letsstarsfalling | @molethemollie | @alicewinchester99 | @neilox | @womanup22 | @jodiereedus22 | @theonlyone-meeeee | @theunofficialduke

[papers4me]

Fruits Basket, SE02, Ep19

A rare ep divided between mom-tohru & real-girl/woman tohru!

-The sohma’s moma role (ending?) :

Once again tohru is shown as a mother figure. I know this is the backbone of the show & reason of its existence, but it’s been dragged so long now! It’s time the show graduates from this concept & moves on to deeper analysis of the characters. But since the writer impersonates yuki most of the time, I think the show/story itself will stop playing/showing mama-tohru card when yuki moves on/admits his feelings. Yuki can grow in front of our eyes but tohru won’t be allowed much growth unless her mama role is done completely. Kinda similar to a young mom raising kids, once they grow up, the mom will start to see herself as a person with interests, excepts tohru isn’t really the sohma’s mother, so the longer it takes to move her character beyond this role, the longer this role itself becomes stale & known as long last impression. However, it is promising that this is a first where a person finds motherly love in tohru yet sees her as teen/equal/friend in the same ep they discover her motherly charm!, so I guess the story/ show is getting ready to let go of moma-tohru & welcomes woman-tohru!! Moreover, this ep is divided between tohru & rin as equals! Rin acknowledges tohru’s motherly appeal but she quickly moves from it, since rin herself is treated as an adult within the show (intimate with haru), so her initial child-like attachment to tohru is treated as rin needing one last hug/break down before she reconciles/lets go of her motherly issues. We see the result right away, all rin’s interactions with tohru is based on equality as BOTH bush each other in a unique way within tohru’s journey in sohma land.

-New bond with new friend (female power!):

Tohru is the person with most friendships in furuba. Each of these friendships are unique with the other person. There are friendships with motherly/ dependent hint as of yet in the story: yuki/kisa, friendships strengthened by kyoko: hana/arisa, light friendships: haru/hiro, equal friendships: kyo/momiji (It shocked me looking back at momiji’s friendship with tohru! he was never dependent on her & he shared time & interests with her! cute lil boy!). so why is tohru’s friendship with rin any different? Tohru befriends rin based on mutual feelings of loneliness & abandonment at first, then mutual goal, mutual strong desire to fight & protect loved-ones, mutual stubbornness & mutual need to keep the quest hidden from others. The biggest differences between hana/arisa friendship with tohru & rin’s is that the former was established in the tender age of early teens & fueled by the three’s admiration & attachment to kyoko. Hana/arisa tend to care for tohru & shower her with love, pretend to not see her mask, respect the distance tohru puts in her heart, fight for her at times & always try to protect her which is awesome & sisterhood goals! but rin is different. Rin acknowledges tohru’s weakness & doesn’t see it as cute or endearing!. Seeing someone being overly kind for their own good breaks rin, she hates seeing such kind ppl taken advantage of, she challenges tohru with care wrapped in harshness, she fights back tohru’s tendency to take care of her & isn’t afraid of scratching tohru’s mask by stating the truth! Rin is harshly frank & doesn’t sugar coat her words. (sth she shares with kyo). Moreover Rin’s friendship is sth tohru makes in her youth/early adulthood years. soon, tohru is becoming an adult woman who needs to stand up for herself & her desires in the harsh world & fight back to get what she wants. It is amazing that the story is acknowledging the importance of new bonds without belittling old ones. Tohru’s friendship with rin shouldn’t be compared or put above or under her other friendships. We need/give different things from/to different ppl. I love that!

-Tohru the Real Woman:

While the ep contained a moma-tohru reference, tohru was more herself than most eps so far!! her inner thoughts were blocked again but she was given space to interact with others, a space to be a girl/a woman! Glimpses of tohru’s real character with hints of growth!! was shown this ep:

She yelled at rin demanding answers. Didn’t like to be pushed over or ignored!! YES! Showed rin that she too has things to fight for. She stood her ground to the point of making the boys leave their rooms shocked! tohru shouting & demanding selfish needs & fighting shrewdly!! “I have things I can’t give up, just as you do” You go girl!!

She interacted with kyo like normal teenage girl in love for the 1st time pleased with how much he was paying attention tor her & they flirted openly like the young dorky oblivious teenagers they are!

She talked frankly with rin abt the curse & the two bonded over their desire to break it without teaming up together. Rin wouldn't want to endanger another “haru”.

Tohru’s core was shaken with one direct question triggering past/deeply buried trauma. we saw glimpses of real vulnerable tohru as opposed to the bright always 100% optimistic persona introduced since SE01.

-Tohru’s Mother nightmare:

That was chilling, creepy & weird. it was triggered with rin’s “why do you want to break the curse?” which is odd cuz we know tohru wants to save the zodiacs, then “ what can’t you give up? What’s the most precious to you?”..then Akito is shown... weird!!! if her mom was shown, as she’s the most precious to her, then, fine. If kyo is shown, I’d say perhaps he’s the new most precious to her?.. but Akito?? Obviously, Akito’s pic doesn’t mean she’s the most precious o tohru. perhaps it calls to sth Akito said?...what tho??.. that day they only talked abt kyo’s confinement, & zodiac never ending banquet... I don’t get it? what’s so triggering abt a speech Akito said ages ago & tohru moved from it since then. Why NOW it is triggering?

-The nightmare tells us YES, her mom is the most precious.. why Akito mattered then?? The nightmare showed that tohru still hasn’t moved on from her mom’s death & perhaps still feels guilt, which is very common for ppl who suddenly lost a loved one. The “if only I said goodbye, if only I kissed you one last time or even worse if only we didn’t fight that day”... al these guilty feelings are common symptoms of not letting go yet. But what comes after the nightmare is the chilling part! Her haunting face.. what is tohru looking for outside her door? she’s trying to see if her mom is still there? ouch!

-Rin’s monologue/voice-over is giving us exposition of what tohru is feeling & what she needs. Rin notes that tohru is falling apart & breaking down. Baring the burden of everybody’s pain on top of her own buried lid! Tohru needs a haru-like person. someone who sees the real her as haru saw the real tormented rin. someone who smiles warmly for her & gently pushes her forward. Oh I get it now! Rin said tohru needs someone who opens the door! we saw tohru herself open the door after the dream. meaning that this person is yet to be admitted in tohru’s life! Off course we know it is kyo~ duh~ but it’s not this easy or simple. Tohru needs to acknowledge kyo as this person even if he really is. Her realization is her door to opening the lid.

Side Notes:

I know that the scene of kyo/tohru flirting is shown from yuki’s perspective & is essentially made to be used to further yuki’s development abt his own growth & how he sees tohru vs how kyo sees her. but I really wished that visually the scene would be given double importance. show it from yuki’s perspective & show it from tohru’s. You can do that. You actually can show multiple characters equally in one scene & hit two birds with one stone. further yuki’s growth & show us glimpses of tohru’s. Not everything regarding tohru’s development needs be shelved for later. We saw kyo’s face, but the scene moved quickly & tohru was giving her back to yuki when she blushed meaning giving her back to us. (don’t mind me, just slightly disappointed abt tohru NON-mom-mode screen time/focus that could’ve been adjusted better). no big deal..T_T.

Yuki got a mother-nightmare. Then tohru, does this mean kyo will have one too? Does this mean that their lid opening will follow the order of the nightmare appearance? yuki,then tohru, then kyo?

Haru acknowledging, blessing yuki’s growth & new friendships is cute!

I hope this isn’t the last time we touch upon tohru’s personal feelings this season. Give me hints, symbolism. Doesn’t have to be full story. T_T.

I hate/love how hot shigure is!

Shihure’s “ the sound of breaking” is epic! his schemes are paying off & he knows it. My wish is for the curse is to break without any magic involved or any big thing tohru needs to do! it would be best if it even breaks without tohru!!!! I kinda feel a hint of “depend on yourself for your wishes” subtle theme here, so tohru breaking the curse for the sohma’s negate that. Moreover, the hell with the curse & the sohmas!!!! why should tohru bear others’ burden till her last appearance in the show! I want her to let go of everything & focus on herself!! what SHE wants/needs for HERSELF! That’s an epic message for a self-denying & excessively altruistic character like tohru! but yeah..seems it’s curse-breaker tohru story.

Haru wearing kyo’s red shirt!!! which means that is after, Se01, ep.9. he wasn’t a high school-er then. (I’m not gonna calculate how old was he when they did it. lol)

I relate to rin’s feeling towards overly kind ppl!

I don’t like tohru’s elementary style pigtails in an ep where she’s more womanly than she’s ever allowed to so far..=/. Nothing against woman doing pigtails!! but we are speaking abt using visuals to express change in character & growth! C’mon show!! however, I’ll give them credit for drawing tohru more grownup/older/mature in her hospital walk scene with rin. =D! plus her clothes are awesome! 

Who thought that the kindest, cutest & most precious character would say the most cryptic, haunting & chilling words “ together..always”.. tohru continues to hide her pain.

[scoutception]

Ys V: Lost Kefin, Kingdom of Sand review

The SNES was a console with many great RPGs. From popular classics like Final Fantasy VI, Chrono Trigger, Secret of Mana, and Earthbound, to hidden gems like Live A Live, Terranigma, Secret of Evermore, and Shadowrun, it’s a library with a lot of enjoyment to offer. Of course, not every RPG on the system fared so well, with quite a few mediocre and forgettable games scattered about, and unfortunately, Ys V, Falcom’s second attempt at revamping their classic series, after Ys IV backtracked to using the original bump combat system, is among these. Even today, about the only notable thing about Ys V to a modern fan is the current lack of any remake, unlike IV, or the similarly flawed Ys III, which was enough to rouse my curiosity and drive me to give it a fair playthrough. While I did have some fun with it, there’s certainly a reason there were no new Ys games for nearly a decade afterwards, and the specifics on why that is is what we’ll be looking at today. Note that while Ys V was never released outside of Japan, it does have an English translation patch, courtesy of Aeon Genesis, in what was apparently one of their most difficult hacking jobs ever.

Story: About 4 years after the events of Ys I & II, Adol Christin, or, as he’s come to be known, Adol the Red, arrives at the port town of Xandria on the continent of Afroca (yes, literally just fantasy Alexandria and Africa), rather suspiciously without his constant companion Dogi, and on an intact ship, at that. The normally aimless Adol has been lured to Xandria by rumors of a mysterious Phantom City, said to contain amazing riches. After being contacted by a wealthy merchant named Dorman, however, Adol is given the truth: the so called Phantom City is actually the lost city of Kefin, a prosperous nation that wielded tremendous power five hundred years ago through the power of alchemy. Recently, the Kefin desert has been expanding, consuming many towns within the area, and monsters have become numerous and aggressive, leaving Xandria at threat of becoming a barren waste. Wishing to gain access to the secrets of Kefin’s alchemy in order to halt this desertification, Dorman hires Adol to find six elemental crystals that are said to have the power to unlock the way to Kefin. Unfortunately for Adol, he really has his work cut out for him this time; many of Afroca’s citizens are fearful of him, due to ancient legends telling of a red haired man that will bring great havoc upon his arrival, and he’s harassed by a band of thieves called the Ibur Gang, who are out to take all the crystals for themselves. Though Adol makes several allies as well, such as Niena, the adopted daughter of the great adventurer Stein, who disappeared three years ago looking for the crystals himself, Massea, a woman who possesses knowledge of alchemy matched by few others, and Stoker, the spirit of a man who lived five hundred years ago, he also comes to find that several other forces are conspiring to use Kefin’s alchemy for their own destructive purposes, and that his client may be less trustworthy than he initially seems.

While most of the classic Ys games had quite cliche stories, if understandably considering their age, Ys V is actually a fair bit more original, with some pretty decent moments toward the end of the game. Unfortunately, before that point, most of the story just consists of just wandering around finding all the crystals, with the random interferences Adol encounters being the only things spicing it up, such as being forced to undergo a series of trials, or being blown off a raft by a sandstorm and washing up in a different town, keeping the tradition of boating accidents in Ys alive and well. Despite the amount of important supporting characters around, most of them barely even show up for most of the story, which makes for a pretty underdeveloped and forgettable cast, with only Terra of the Ibur Gang sticking out thanks to reappearing in Ys VI. It also just feels very disconnected from the rest of the series, with Dogi completely missing, and a lot of plot elements that feel out of place for Ys. According to the book Ys Complete Works, a lot of plot elements had to be left out of V, which certainly explains why it feels so underbaked, and leaves a lot of potential for improvement if a remake ever materializes, but until then, while a neat step forward for the writing of the series, Ys V’s story ultimately just doesn’t fare very well overall.

Gameplay: Here’s where things really start falling apart. The bump combat system is gone once and for all now, with Ys V using a dedicated attack button like Ys III, a system that remains in place even today. Unlike Ys III, however, the general gameplay is still much more similar to the other titles, overhead perspective and all, with the change in combat instead feeling a lot more like the 2D Zelda titles. Along with swing his sword, Adol can also now use his shield to actively block attacks. There’s also a jump button, though there’s not much platforming to be done. In theory, this isn’t a bad change at all, but in practice, combat is extremely stiff and awkward feeling. Unlike in Zelda, where Link always swings with a nice, wide arc, Adol is stuck jabbing things for most of the game instead. Each sword has a different range, with exactly one that actually has a proper swing, and the ones you’ll use the most, the second and last swords, only being capable of stabs. Annoying as this is, it wouldn’t quite be a deal breaker, if it wasn’t for how frustratingly precise you need to be when attacking. If you’re even slightly off center, you’ll just whiff. Meanwhile, attacks from enemies are given far more leniency, and even using the shield, you need that same level of precision in order to block anything. Needless to say, this gets very frustrating.

Aside from just attacking physically, magic, or to be more accurate, alchemy, is also available, with spells being made by collecting elemental stones and having an alchemist combine three at a time, with six different elements and eighteen possible spells, which can then be attached to Adol’s weapon and slowly charged up until the magic meter reaches 100, at which point attacking will cast the spell and drain MP and spell charge. While a neat idea in concept, in practice, almost everything you can make is downright awful. Not only are many spells nearly identical to each other, but most of them are just really, really bad, with absurdly long casting animations, during which enemies are free to continue moving around and out of the spell’s range, wasting both your time and MP. About the only useful spells are the ones that hit everything on screen, which take an absurd amount of MP, and the basic fireball, which has no casting animation, and is mandatory to get anyway. Several enemies will also just absorb magic entirely and gain HP, so using it can often be an outright detriment. Even worse, the game basically forces you to use magic by separating EXP into two different types: physical EXP, obtained from defeating enemies with the sword, or from bosses, which boosts physical power and defense and magic EXP, which is gained from killing enemies with magic, and boosts magic power and defense, meaning if you ignore magic, any enemy using magic attacks will quickly wreck you. The stones needed to make the spells, along with a few other items like coins to be sold, are also mostly hidden across the different areas, and can only be found by rubbing up against every wall and object in sight, which is really annoying, and you really can’t afford to miss any of them if you want to make most of the available spells.

Bosses are pretty dumb too, with a lot of them just coming down to standing in one places and stabbing until they die, chugging heal potions until they die, and considering the most basic healing item heals 60% of Adol’s HP, it’s not hard to do, either. In general, the game is overly forgiving. While still pretty annoying, the level system means it is pretty easy to end up overleveled with physical and magic levels combined, and rather than just dropping a set amount of gold, enemies instead drop gems, which can be sold to merchants for varying amounts. While this wouldn’t make much of a difference on paper, the gems are worth so much, and certain merchants have high enough exchange rates, that you can make a lot of money pretty easily, and considering the third and second best weapons in the game are sold in the first two towns, it’s even easier to break the game wide open. Most areas are also really short, with several dungeons literally just consisting of three or four small rooms, so you’re rarely ever in serious danger traversing them, with most of their length just coming from forced backtracking. While an improvement from how grind heavy most of the early Ys games were, the easiness just makes the experience even less engaging, to the point Falcom had to make a second version of the game, titled Ys V Expert, due to complaints.

Graphics: The visuals of Ys V, to put it bluntly, barely even resemble the rest of the series, to the point it’s basically indistinguishable from any other SNES RPG. It doesn’t look outright bad, but whereas Ys usually uses a super deformed style with lots of colors, Ys V uses a more realistically proportioned style with really dark, dull colors, to the point that Adol’s usual distinctive bright red hair looks more brown than anything. Most areas are pretty forgettable, with pretty generic caves and ruins, but there are a few neat areas, like the rainy marshlands, which actually carry a pretty strong atmosphere, and the bosses look kinda cool, if a bit samey. You also get to customize Adol a bit, being able to change the color of his clothes and armor in the menu, along with his hair color, if you find a hidden NPC fairly late in the game, with the default option actually giving him his usual hair color. Overall, though, the visuals are still pretty unspectacular.

Music: In yet another change from series tradition, Ys V forgoes the usual rock style of the soundtrack, and instead takes a much more orchestral approach, again making it stand out even less from its competition, only retaining a few traditions like the item collection music and the Theme of Adol. In this case, however, I can’t complain that much about the change, because the resulting soundtrack, in usual Falcom fashion, is still fantastic. From the peaceful Foresta Village, to the melancholy Misty Lake, to the mysterious Oasis, to the dark Sand Castle, to the adventurous Wilderness, there are a lot of great tracks to be found, and it’s absolutely worth looking up the soundtrack even if the rest of the game would drive you away.

Conclusion: Overall, Ys V is not recommended. It’s not an outright bad game, and can still be decently fun. It’s short enough that it’s not much of an investment to play through, and it was still an important step that allowed Ys VI to fully modernize the gameplay of the series. As a whole though, it’s still a pretty underwhelming and clunky experience that’s almost completely divorced from the rest of the series. You’re not missing much by leaving it alone, and perhaps with the release of Ys IX, a remake of V could be next on the schedule. Either way, that’s about all I can even say about this game. Till next time. -Scout

[popcornbutterflymedia]

it’s a little before seven in the evening as i am attempting to begin writing this post on the day a former president has died. in other words, i am winging it and praying it comes out half decent. i have been winging all my the posts for this show, but writing this post about this particular episode at the tail end of the last week is interesting, to say the least.

upon first viewing on iwanttfc, i had already tweeted “consider this the soul of the show.” at this point we’re not even halfway to the entire series. that declaration carries such weight, but this episode did prove to be the soul of the series. this is also the first episode i’ve had a visceral reaction to, beyond the understandable kilig. i was lightheaded, stumped, and on the verge of tears after the first episode viewing, that’s probably why this is taking awhile to put out.

this also feels like an episodic answer to a lot of questions.

max has entered the lion’s den, lost, but with her defenses up. deib was less than prepared to fight back, considering the circumstances, but he was quick to gather his wits about him, pinning max where he is at an advantage. even now, as i am writing it, i feel it - it’s a notch above giddiness, it’s an awareness, it’s pushing the envelope in a way that’s right for their age, but still surprising, and refreshing. it’s the naughtiness of the sly smiles, the role reversal, and the trading of banter, all of them collectively are building blocks to max and deib’s dynamic.

the banter graduates to actual conversation, that, for people who are considered arch rivals, is surprisingly decent, and seemingly cordial. both max and deib give as good as they get, much like a tennis rally where either one refuses to be on the losing end. this amuses to no end, and ups the kilig factor in such an intelligent and substantial way. this is how you know, this part of the series is their story. more on this later.

outside of the boy’s room, the banter becomes a challenge, a daring as represented by a pool table, and the number of games that such table hosts. these pool games between benison’s star player and mindoro’s top billiard player, and pool center fixture, these games are metaphors, with the stakes higher each game, for their rivalry, and their curiosity about each other. more so his curiosity about this slip of a girl who he finds difficult to win against. i daresay, at some point he gave up trying to win, and just gave in seeing her in a different light. deib’s eyes give him away, and as for donny’s eyes, finally doing the work, this is it, and it’s a sight to see, a growth to enjoy.

it’s a given that belle makes donny’s job easier for him. four episodes in, and i am still in awe at belle’s ability to transform. it’s still surprising, how she willingly gets lost in character. i am watching max, but she doesn’t make me forget that i am watching belle. it’s a weird thing i have watching actors in character - i am aware i am watching both the character and the actor wholly and simultaneously, and belle is one of the few who makes me do that with ease.

deib’s mother announces her presence, interrupts the pool tournament shaping up between taguro and sensui.

in front of his mother, deib the star bear, the alpha disappears. he signals for max to leave, and just when she was about to, max is invited to join them for dinner. it is insisted that she join her for dinner. he warns his friend: 'don't say anything that will get us into trouble' prompting said friend, max to wonder, what could she ever say that will put them both in trouble?

at the dinner table, the silence weighs heavy between mother and son. a silence foreign to the lone guest, a silence she attempts to diffuse, by talking about anything other than subjects, as touchy as family, and the like. then again, between this mother and son, the line between touchy and permissible topics of conversation are blurred and fragile.

food! food is a free for all, food is a benign subject. the food's delicious, is it her own recipe? max is genuinely curious ma'am. the woman across the table laughs off such a formal honorific. call her auntie, she says. 'tita' is more like it. 'tita' it is, max decides. not stopping there, max asks if she'd gone to one of deib's games to see his lay ups and three pointers. she regaled him with embellished stories of his reputation, of being an all around star student and an instant friend. this, much to the mother's relief - her son is apparently surrounded by good people. max was able to do all this, when all deib asked of her was to not get both of them, into trouble. just like that, the girl single handedly broke the tension and dispelled the air of formality, in a way no one else has. if that isn't enough of a surprise for deib, max held the door open for him, and granteded him access to his own mother's heart, and let hope spring in his own.

after dinner, we find max and deib in his room, steeped in the assigned work. it's an easy silence between them, proof that from that dinner encounter, something new and beautiful and unnamed grew between them. he pays her his due, and thanks her for not damaging his reputation more in front of his own mother. so he knows how to say thank you, after all, she's surprised...in jest. he allows it. and so insues an exchange of histories, and fears and lessons. she reads him so perfectly, he's supposed to be scared, or condemn her, or banish her from this earth, or whatever it is the deib lhor enrile does to those who get a bit too close for comfort. he, instead allows it, giving her unprecedented access to his friends, his brother, his heart. and his heartbreaks. he dares to get closer himself, in the most physical sense so the curiosity planted at the pool table grew exponentially. that is until she breaks the spell. there is resistance in letting him in, which he knows to hold against her. he wins, and she relents. we learn of a ghost of a past love, a young love. a better player than deib is.

just a note though: for a past love who ghosted her, max boasts of rj being the better basketball player still. this could be true, based on who I am guessing rj is, but consider this: could she be clinging onto the untarnished memory she has of this first love, disregarding the pain she was caused, because straying away from that memory will allow her the space to fall, and that's what she promised herself she would never do? if that's the case, max is just as complex as deib is, maybe even more so.

after knowing her story, he did promise to go up against this ghost of a lover, in a one on one game of basketball and win it for her. someone is making her promises now. that's unsettling.

meanwhile, the barb is winding down as alpha two plus lorde strolls in. they keep it open for the boys who are in for a later night shot of caffeine, sweets, a shot at love perhaps?

art and sweets and flirtatious, funny quips are choice ammunition in this game of love, or something like it. naih's confidence is legendary. she gets away with her boldness because of criza's charm. joao, you know, that boy always makes it work.

tob and michiko are easy, because rhys and kaori make it easy. i understand the visual. I get the chemistry. I swear I get the hype. I have been waiting for this. you all know that. they've only cemented their place in the industry as new partnership, and there are hardly any words for it, a chemistry this strong. theirs is an unspoken connection and sincerity that cannot be taught. they are all that.

it is clear, though, that this is deib and max's story. see, I have been hyping myself up for thst tochiko moment, probably from the time when we still had very little news in the junket about donny and belle. and they did deliver, they did not disappoint. max and deib's chemistry surprisingly captured my heart from the get go, though, especially in this episode (as they should, this is, again, their story anyway). if I was a teenager, I would be fawning over tochiko's eye to eye silent conversation and up to now, I still do to some extent. I'm just older now. give me substantial kilig more than anything any day. give me kilig in context. kilig that opens up the heart. kilig with emotional intimacy.

max and deib in the fourth episode is kilig (just as tob and michiko are), but I can't stress enough, just how much and why. from the entire conversation from the banter to the interaction with the mom to the entire encounter in the room, they aren't trying to make us kilig. it isn't exactly sweet, but you'll reach a point where just the mere act of people wanting to have a conversation with you is life changing, when someone cares enough not to put you in more trouble than you expect, matters so much more. it shows you your worth. and that to me is the sweetest most loving thing ever. that is, even before both of them acknowledge that love between them.

a breakthrough has been reached. walls have been shattered.

the day of their school presentation, the event is met with an air of uncertainty, not for the two's lack of skill, but because two people from separate ends of the social spectrum are to work together, which up to that point is unprecedented.

the presentation started out shaky even for max and deib themselves, but once they got drafted, they had the audience, most of them, at least in the palm of their hands.

'we are all bullies, yet we are also victims. the cycle never ends...because we are all trying to survive this cruel world, trying to succeed, trying to grow. trying to discover who we really are. trying to accept who we really are. trying to be accepted for who we really are...'

this was followed by definitive apologies from both deib, for bullying, and max, for judging, and not necessarily helping to make things better. this prompted the entire community to mingle, and make their own apologies.

a few things about this whole moment:

there is such power in calling things as they are, calling things by their name. 'bully' and 'victim' are such weighted words and there is such a relief in taking responsibility for your disgressions and through that responsibility allowing your victim to embraced their pain guiltlessly.

there is also such power and humility, that while one did not do anything explicit, to stop the cycle, they did not do anything to make things better, easier. there is humility in realising that even as a victim your own pain, might have caused more pain to others.

apologies matter. the word 'sorry' matters. and it matters across the board. while metaphorical apologies are in some ways acceptable, and poetic, sometimes, the simpler, the better. a sincere 'sorry' should suffice. no one is ever too old to apologize.

now, even the sincerest words have parameters that are dictated by how many listen, and how many don't. and that's what we cannot control. there is power in recognizing who you are in the community, and that, especially when you are in a place of influence, you have the power to create change. the power to stop the cycle. there is peace in knowing we've done all that we could to make things better, just like deib had his own moment of reckoning.

as for max, the moment she stepped into that school, she was meant to be a trailblazer, and even at this point, she had been nothing but an agent of change.

I am curious now, how she is changed by the newness of her surroundings and the possibility of a budding love?

everything is well and dandy for everyone else, max and deib even had that little moment by the tables, again with the simple but powerful chemistry. everyone is changing (this is a shoutout to melizza again. every time the camera pans to her, especially when max was speaking at the auditorium, you could sense an internal transformation. she knows the assignment well, huh? )...everyone else, but aimee. I feel sorry for her. it makes me want to know more of her story. what makes her cling to being mean? why the volatility? more than anger, there's curiosity. I feel sorry for her. there's more to be told. breakthroughs open the narrative up for more, newer stories.

this was a fast one to write, but I held off until these last few moments, because it's incredibly triggering and just as healing. more than the kilig I understand and we all enjoy, the real message is the importance of communication, telling people how you really feel. don't let them assume and don't assume they know. it's also important to call things as they are, even if it's ugly, even as it hurts. some days, there is no replacement for a 'sorry,' a genuine apology.

be gentle. be kind. listen. everyone, after all, is a story.

[thedragonslibrary]

Is it possible to be blocked like magick or energy wise? I do not know how to put it in words but sometimes I feel like there is something that i should connect to or should be able to do but I am not. Maybe I am not idk well practiced enough but it sometimes feels like I am running against a glass wall. Maybe I Idk man. I am just really frustrated. I cant really give examples just everytime I do something magick related it feels like running against a wall and it makes me wanna cry. Sorry

Yes, of course it’s possible to be blocked!  

To clarify, your first statement about feeling as though you should be able to “connect” to something is a common beginner issue.  It may simply be that you haven’t found the thing you’re supposed to connect to yet - whether that’s opening your third eye and being able to talk to your guides, finding the deity and/or pantheon you connect most to in a religious manner, or simply opening your psychic awareness fully enough to feel the energies around you.  The best advice I can give is to experiment.  Try everything, and don’t hold yourself back!  

When I was a beginner witch, I tried everything from Wicca to demonolatry to Christian witchery, from reiki to hexing and cursing, from psychopomp work and shadow work and light work and everything you can imagine.  If you can think of it, I probably tried it in some way.  Only by putting yourself out there in as many avenues and paths as you possibly can, will you find what works for you.  If something doesn’t work, doesn’t fit or “feel right,” put it away and move on.  Read everything you can - on Tumblr, in books, in every single resource you can find.  It took me probably five or six years of exploration to figure out what generally “worked” for me, and I still feel like I’m learning and discovering new outlets for my magical expression.

An extra “something” is not for everyone.  Often in magical practices, you are the source of your own power.  Sure, crystals and herbs and grounding and gods help, but ultimately the magic is coming from you.  You might not necessarily need an extra “thing.”  Let your magic be intuitive, don’t let books or Tumblr bloggers tell you how to do your thing step-by-step.  Take spells or rituals and modify them to fit your needs - that is how they’ll be most powerful and useful for you.

But back to the topic of blockages, if you have already had magical abilities previously: I have gone through blockages myself, and they are exactly what you described here: frustrating, like hitting a wall.  Sometimes it feels as though all your “power” has been taken away, and you’re left without your previous magical agency.  You might have the thought that perhaps you were just making everything up all along, that maybe you’ve been deluding yourself.  Trust me, you didn’t, and things will get better!  

In my experience, there are two general types of blocks you can have.  I’ll outline them for you and how they can be worked through.  

The first is a bit simpler, and is more like an art block.  Lots of magic-users go through periods of this softer, mental blockage at some point or another on their path.  It can be sometimes referred to as a Fallow Period, which comes from a similar phrase in farming used to refer to when a partition of soil is meant to rest for a season or two to regain its fertility.  

A Fallow Period can arise from burnout, especially from outside sources creating stress in your life.  

Magic, especially psychic and spirit work, is infinitely more difficult when you are stressed, going through a rough mental health period, or when you are physically ill.  

Fallow Periods can also be caused through divine intervention - your spirit guides or deities may have decided that you need to take a break to focus on real life, or to focus on taking care of yourself for a little while.

Blockages of this nature eventually right themselves, but it can take time - it can last anywhere from a few months to over a year.

The best thing to do when you’re experiencing a fallow period like this is to not force it.  You are only going to frustrate yourself if you continue to attempt to perform magically and have little to no results.  Additionally, you’re going to create a deadly cycle of feeling disappointed in yourself, and eventually burn out so hard you won’t want to do magic at all anymore.

Instead, take some time to create: write poetry, draw, or paint.  Write devotional poetry.  If you want to do magical work, work on your grimoire or book of shadows.  Focus on practical magic you can do with your hands - cooking, creating items with intent, cleansing and clearing your home.

Take time to meditate and perform self-care.  Perform practical, easy meditations like the simple, free ones in the Headspace app, or find guided meditations for free on YouTube that bring you into fun, brightly colored astral spaces.  Take baths and imagine all of your troubles washing away down the drain when you’re finished.  Give yourself room to heal and just feel good about yourself.

When you feel ready to move out of your Fallow Period, it will come very naturally.  Like an urge to pick up a witchcraft book or to astral travel suddenly.  Don’t worry about easing back into it - while taking it slow might be good for some, it’s not for everyone.  If you’re really excited to get back into magic, and you’re being urged to do it right now, go ahead and do it!

The other type of blockage is a physical, energetic blockage.  These are usually sudden-onset conditions.  If one day you are performing just fine magically, and the next you wake up and you can’t feel any of your sixth senses, and you are not physically sick or particularly more stressed out than normal, you probably have a physical energetic blockage.

Ensure first that it’s an energetic blockage.  Perform a reading on yourself, check your energy centers, figure out how you’re feeling physically.  Meditation goes a long way here, as well as visualizing your energy moving through your body.  Does it seem to stop anywhere?  Likewise, do you feel extremely hopeless and drained energetically for no discernible, tangible reason (i.e. depression or a recent traumatic experience)?  Can you not even muster up the motivation to check yourself?  Then you probably have an energetic blockage.

Find an energy healer in physical proximity to you.  Trust me when I say that it is not enough to go to the local Hand & Stone and ask for a reiki massage (I have tried this for you already, and please believe me when I say it’s not going to solve your problems).  Distance healings do work and are worth it, but in my personal experience physical healings tend to be much more powerful when it comes to dismantling blockages in this way.

Ask around at your local metaphysical stores.  Find someone who is a reiki master or another type of energy healer, who has great reviews outside of what’s posted on their website and who has a great deal of experience.  Ask them if they have unedited testimonials anywhere they can share with you (such as Google reviews).  

Ask what their process is, ask to see their healing space, ask them what physical tools they use in their session.  Ask them if they’d be willing to charge a small fee for them to examine you and figure out what’s going on (don’t expect them to do something like that for free).  Remember that they should never suggest that they can heal physical ailments or claim that their services replace allopathic medicine - they should only focus on your energetic issues.  

Explain to them that you feel blocked energetically and that this is exactly what you are looking to be treated for - psychics and healers are not mind readers, and they cannot help you if they’re not told what they need to fix.  

Pay attention to your gut and what feels right.  Even in a blocked state, you always have decent access to your intuition.

I won’t lie, you will likely need to shell out a good amount of money for this.  A good healer worth their salt most likely won’t charge you less than $60 for an hour session.

If you don’t feel some kind of energetic release during your healing session, mention that to your healer.  Since you’ve already told them about your issue, they may be able to give advice as to why you didn’t feel any specific change, as everyone’s process is different and the healer you’ve chosen to work with is going to have the best understanding over the situation, after you.  Again, pay attention to your gut.  Give the healing a couple of days to set in, and make sure to drink plenty of water and pay attention to how you feel.

When I personally dealt with my own physical energy blockage, when it was finally healed it felt like a dam breaking and all of my energy flowing back into my body.  It felt like I had had one of my senses shut off, and for the switch to finally be turned back on.  Not everyone is going to feel this way, but if you’ve been blocked for a particularly long time, it may feel very strong and overwhelming to have yourself be un-blocked.

Whatever your situation is, I hope this post was helpful!  Good luck on finding your solution!

[bkwrm523]

Bruce Wayne NSFW Alphabet

Notes: as ever, this isn’t about any specific version of Batman.  Also, we are headcanoning him as bi.

My coauthors in this are @imoutofmyvulcanmind​ and @bookcaseninja​

A = Aftercare (What they’re like after sex)

Chatty.  Not necessarily about anything heavy, but he wants to talk with you.  How was your day, maybe teasing, etc.

Very gentle; he likes rough sex a lot, so he turns very cuddly and soft afterwards.  Feel free to stroke his hair or draw random patterns on his skin, he’ll love it.

B = Body Part (Their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

On a partner, he’s a whole picture kinda guy.  He doesn’t have a specific favorite part, regardless of his partner’s gender, he loves all of you.

On himself, just his body in general.  He works hard to stay in perfect shape, and he’s proud of it.

C = Cum (Anything to do with cum basically… I’m a disgusting person)

He loves your cum.  He loves the evidence of what he does to you.  He loves making you squirt, if applicable.

He prefers coming inside you, loves being buried deep in you when he comes.

D = Dirty Secret (Pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

He has very mixed feelings about bringing Batman into the bedroom.  On the one hand, there’s a lot about it that’s a major kink for him.  On the other hand, depending on how you approach the idea of bringing Batman into the bedroom, he hates the idea that you might be more into Batman than him.  That part of him might be nothing more than a kink for you.

It’s advisable to let him be the one to suggest bringing Batman into the bedroom, and when he does bring it up, be very careful to avoid trampling on his feelings.

E = Experience (How experienced are they? Do they know what they’re doing?)

He’s definitely been around the block a few times, but not as much as you’d think.  He has enough experience to have a good idea what he’s doing, but he spent most of his growing up years very focused on a goal.  And he didn’t really deviate from that goal enough to fuck around a ton.

He is a very fast learner when it comes to what you do and don’t like, and he’s good at reading people.

F = Favorite Position (This goes without saying, will probably include a visual)

He’s strong enough to pick you up and lug you around, so anything that lets him show off.  He prefers face to face so he can watch your reactions.  On or in the batmobile.

Once you’re both really comfortable with and trust each other, he’ll wanna play in just about every room of his home.  Especially in the batcave.

G = Goofy (Are they more serious in the moment, or more humorous, etc)

No, but.  He will not bring the humor, but he really needs in his life someone who does.  If you make him laugh in or out of the bedroom, he’ll be delighted.

H = Hair (How well groomed are they, does the carpet match the drapes, etc)

As long as you’re reasonably clean down there, he really couldn’t care less.  As for himself, he keeps completely shaved.

I = Intimacy (How are they during the moment, romantic aspect…)

So, Bruce is Mr. Paranoid.  It’s going to take you a long time to earn his trust; you’re gonna have to be patient.  But once you earn his trust, you’ll find he’s a slut for intimacy.  He’ll confide in you a lot.

J = Jack Off (Masturbation headcanon)

So, he doesn’t not, but he doesn’t do it very much.  He’d rather save it for when he has time with you, so he’ll hold off a lot.  He’ll do it more often if you’re away for awhile and he misses you.

K = Kink (One or more of his kinks)

Rough sex is a big one.  So is bondage on his partner.  Batman kink, but.  He definitely is into bringing Batman into the bedroom sometimes, but he’s also insecure about the idea that you’re more into Batman than him.  You’d have to be really sensitive about bringing it up.

Pretty much anything involving you and the batmobile.  Taking you on the hood, sucking him off in the car, etc.  He will occasionally want you to call him Batman in bed.  Vibrating panties.

About 9.9 times out of 10 he’s gonna prefer to be the dom in bed, although there will be occasional days when he wants you to take the reigns.

Breaking the bed.  Pegging, but mostly just on the days when he wants you to take the reigns.  Edging.  Daddy kink, if you’re into it.

L = Location (Favorite places to do the do)

Hands down, the Batcave is his favorite.  In his office, chasing you around Wayne manor.  Nowhere in the manor is safe, really.

M = Motivation (What turns them on, gets them going)

You are his number one kink.  Anyone flirting with you.  You in his clothes.  Teasing him, but you’ll have to be very persistent; he’s got a lot of self control.  Dirty talk in public.  Seeing you turned on.

N = NO (Something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

Public sex, in places where you might be caught by paparazzi.  He isn’t into degrading dirty talk, like calling you bad names.  He doesn’t mind spanking you, but any other kind of physical abuse, no.  He’s low key terrified of accidentally doing real damage.  No humiliation, in either direction.

O = Oral (Preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc)

He prefers giving over getting.  He loves watching you come undone on his tongue.  Face riding.  He does love sitting down in something and watching you suck him off.

He can deepthroat a cock like a fucking PRO.  No matter what, he’s gonna tease a lot.  He likes to hear you beg.

He’s.... actually not very into roadhead.  Oral in cars, sure.  But not if someone’s driving; it’s too dangerous.  Not to mention the danger of being spotted by the paparazzi.

He is an expert at making his partner squirt.  Multiple times.  He’s a quick learner, and is good at learning your ins and outs.

P = Pace (Are they rough and fast? Slow and sensual? etc)

Most of the time it’s gonna be rough sex.  Slow and gentle sex is reserved for feels.  Like when he almost lost you, when he’s worried about you, etc.

Q = Quickies (Their opinions on quickies rather than proper sex, etc)

Quickies, yes, definitely.  But still, paparazzi.  He’s not gonna want to do it anywhere where your bare ass might end up on the front page of a tabloid.  At home before work, or before he goes on patrol.  Or before a party and he sees you in formal wear and decides he just can’t wait.  Or vice versa.

R = Risk (Are they game to experiment, do they take risks, etc)

Ehhhh, yes but he has conditions.  You have a safeword, for one.  And for another, as we went into in the No section, he has hard limits.  Anything that compromises those hard lines, he won’t want to do.

The other thing is, he’s gonna be slow to introduce his real kinks.  He needs to trust you first, and that’ll take awhile.  Also, he’ll want to sit down and have a talk about it before he introduces a new kink in the bedroom.

S = Stamina (How many rounds can they go for, how long do they last)

Nothing superhuman, but he works out a lot.  He’s got a lot of stamina in him.  He’s gonna make sure you’re a wreck before he comes at all.

T = Toy (Do they own toys? Do they use them? On a partner or themselves)

He is definitely into toys in the bedroom.  

For one thing, he has cuffs.  They’re his own, that he made himself.  It’s a version of what he uses as Batman, but modified for the bedroom.  They’re padded, and they have some kinda release on them so you can get out of them on your own if you really need to.  

As far as his own stuff he keeps, obviously cuffs.  Vibrating panties.  A variety of different vibrators.  A blindfold, nipple clamps, lots of lube,

U = Unfair (How much they like to tease)

Yes, a lot.  For the most part, he can handle a lot of teasing before he breaks.  But there are some things that get him going fast.  Like, other people flirting with you.  If it’s just you though, it’s gonna take a lot before he snaps.  If you do manage to get him to snap, you’re getting taken and spanked over the nearest surface.

V = Volume (How loud are they, what sounds they make)

He growls a lot, but not super loud.  Dirty talk, and he likes making you scream.  He loves you screaming his name, be it Bruce or Batman.  He’ll bite a lot, partly to hold in the noises.

W = Wild Card (A random headcanon)

He actually loves visible hickeys, but he doesn’t want them in the tabloids.  So he’ll restrain himself to leaving them where no one but him will see them, like your thighs.  He also loves you leaving hickeys on him, but he doesn’t really mind if the papers pick those up.  He likes people knowing he’s taken.

X = X-Ray (Let’s see what’s going on in those pants, in picture or words)

He’s about average in length, but he’s super girthy.  Very, very wide, and he’s a grower.

Y = Yearning (How high is their sex drive?)

He can do without for quite some time if he needs to.  Bruce is famous for his self control.  But when he’s with someone, it gets pretty high.  It’s more about the person than the act; he loves you, he wants you often.  If he’s with you, and it’s serious, expect a lot of sex.

Z = ZZZ (… How quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

Unless he’s dangerously sick or exhausted, no matter how tired he is, Bruce will never fall asleep before you.  Ever.  He is a protective teddy bear and wants to watch you drift off in his arms.  He loves it when you snuggle into him as you’re asleep or drifting off.