#and get a lot of specific anxiety about very analytical or moral things

[candyunicornsateme]

This may be random but I keep thinking Kyle would totally oscillate between "ew don't put that near me, don't get that on me that's gross" and "I wanna get my hands dirty. I'm human. I'm a filthy dirty boy", like ok chill Kyle what existential crisis are you having this week

[fanartfunart]

@sapony01​ commented on one of my Sides Swap posts: Can you explain their function and personality a bit better/explore them? Some are kinda obvious but some kinda confuse me

And, but of course! I’m totally open to it! (I’m mostly making another post for it because otherwise it’ll get absurdly long)

To summarize, the main idea is that they keep their personality and secondary traits they represent (Like Ego, Emotionality, ect), while further representing the Main Trait (like Anxiety, Creativity, ect)

The rest under the cut:

Anxiety

Roman: His key representation of Anxiety would befall closer to overemphasizing bravery and ignoring problems, and of course, insecurities. Thus a focus on Dangers you can Fight, and avoiding things you can’t. A emphasis on the Knight theme as a representation of bravery. He’d use ego and theatricality as a cover- a ‘be weird before people can accuse you of being weird because then it’s on purpose’ type logic.

Patton: The type of Anxiety where you emotionally over extending yourself because you’re scared of social-emotional repercussions. Caring so much that there’s no time and energy to care for yourself. Also a good representation of the Dad-Friend override for Anxiety.

Logan: A representation of over-analyzing the world like an outsider, that emotional distance that, while you’re curious of all the things around you, you can’t help but focus on the bad. Avoidance becomes a key factor and everything is categorized as bad or good off of exaggerated ‘proof’.

Janus: Very self protective to the point that things outside the Comfort Zone are almost always negative and overwhelming. Sarcasm, brittleness, and lying as a way to avoid things outside the Comfort Zone.

Remus: Overthinking creating an Anxious reaction. Basically seeing things in the shadows and over-analyzing interactions. Essentially worries cropping up out of the idea of various terrible things you can think of possibly coming at you from the smallest of hints to it. Also Knight theme because why not.

Creativity 

Logan: A more organized and analytic approach to creative works. Prone to being a literary critic. Draws from media to explain a point. As creativity would likely be the type of writer that hides details and metaphors in everything, focus on foreshadowing and the such.

Janus: Never lets anything be direct, people should be able to make their own conclusions about the meaning of the text. Probably thinks method acting is fun. The kind of actor/writer that easily shrugs on different types of characterizations that it makes other people dizzy seeing him switch between them.

Virgil: Your inner Emo Art Phase personified (everyone has at least one somewhere in there). Would prefer to be either a lesser known creator, or not let Thomas use his real name (thus Ghostwriter), because being Known is Awkward and his work can get too real, being known as a real person could detract from the art. Focus on art as an outlet for expressing negative feelings and stress relief.

Patton: Take your craft-happy relative who always hand-makes gifts and you’ve got Creativity Patton. Just wants to have fun and share the fun. Draws from positive emotional experiences for creativity because he wants to give everyone who sees said art a hug through said art. (Yes, his design is vaugely based off of Disney’s Pinocchio Geppetto aka Pinocchio’s dad.)

Remus: Take Remus as he is, and then take the ‘intrusiveness’ out of him. He basically has all the same horrifying ideas, but he doesn’t use them to make Thomas upset or anything, he’s just making stories.

Logic

Patton: Sorta a relaxed logic, understands not everything can be solved with a clean logical solution and that emotions hold a important space in people’s actions. Is that little logical voice when you’re super mad going ‘you’re mad because this, this, and this, and this is probably an overreaction to what you’re expressing your anger to, but it’s still valid.’ Prone to emotional fallacies though.

Virgil: You know any super cool teacher/professor who teaches you what the book says and then closes the book and says ‘ok now guess what, they’re also wrong, and I’m probably wrong too’?? Virgil as logic. (also why I kinda gave him the ‘tired + university hoodie’ style) Emphasizes learning from various sources and never trusting any of them 100%. Doesn’t trust his own information either, and it makes him stressed.... but like, he’s always stressed anyway so it’s chill. 

Roman: Bounces from topic to topic to learn. Very curious and easily inspired- also easily distracted. The definition of what a liberal arts education should be doing- aka, connecting seemingly unrelated topics. An Encyclopedia of very specific information. But, once he’s got a set of information it’s hard to let go of it, which makes it hard to adjust to being told he’s wrong.

Janus: Emphasis on how information is always being adjusted, and people’s biases are always present in studies and interpretation. Focuses on debunking things. Also kinda makes it hard to 100% be sure of any information presented.

Remus: Enjoys abusing the ‘technicalities’ in things. A little hard to follow in terms of train of thought. Disturbing Facts are still facts.

Morality

Virgil: Emphasis on sympathy and ‘do what you’d hope people would do for you’ moral arguments. Focus on social structure for the ground rules for moral behavior. That guy who’s constantly nice because he wished someone was nice to him, ya know? Hates the idea of being a bad person so much that it causes a lot of guilt and mistrust of the self.

Logan: Thinks of moral behavior as an equation of sorts. People do good things and that causes good things and that allows the social structure to work as it should, so do good things. Draws on philosophy and other social sciences to argue his points. Easy to readjust his thinking with proper reasoning.

Roman: Just wants people to be happy! And to be good! Emphasis on the reactions of others and how that effects your social/emotional well-being. Do good because it feels good kinda guy (he wants to be somebody’s Hero, ya know how it be).

Janus: Understands that morality is such a grey place that most anything can be seen as bad if you argue it enough. Places value on the self as someone deserving of feeling good as well, and bases moral values on what you as an individual wants to do. Also still kinda morally grey in general and probably shouldn’t always be listened to.

Remus: I Follow no Rules but My Own. Full rejection of social pressures. What precisely that means for his resulting moral standing is up to debate.

Deceit

Logan: Woorsst lair because he’ll twist truth and facts into it and it’s hard to pick out what’s the lie. Very blunt about his role as deception and its benefits and drawbacks. Very good about remembering which lies were told when and to who. Not the kind to lie more than seen necessary.

Roman: Focus on lying as acting and getting to where you need to go in life. ‘Fake it til you make it’ is his motto and it also includes mental states. Makes it hard to be honest about feelings. Very much a ‘lying to yourself’ aspect.

Virgil: Lying to avoid perceived negative repercussions. Lying still bothers him- as lying can also cause negative reactions. Focus on lying in reaction to events, less so on lying to the self. Not every lie is especially necessary though, knee-jerk reactions and fear make it very easy to lie. Lies of omission being the most utilized.

Remus: The opposite to Roman’s ‘lying to yourself’. Lying to others just to see their reactions. Uses being ‘blatantly honest’ about taboo subjects to seem honest about other things.

Patton: Lying to spare people’s feelings and being perceived well. Focus on lying or omitting the truth to seem like everything’s awesome.

Intrusive Thots

Patton: Makes emotional reactions overwhelmingly hard to gauge and control, results in terrifying thoughts and feelings with little control or filter. Gets stuck on ideas because of how hard he’s trying to push it away (yea know, like the white bear experiment).

Virgil: Thinks in problem solving, but the problems are of course, the thoughts of his own creation. Incessant about ‘solving’ the perceived problem.... not much else changes.

Logan: The Mad Scientist aesthetic is fun, what can I say? Takes facts and focuses on the scary parts, and then brings them back up on the slightest hint of relevance, and sometimes just Because. Some of it is curiosity taken into a frightening territory and gets overwhelming.

Janus: Emphasis on what happens if terrible things happened. Also likes using the ‘you’re gonna go to hell anyway just dive in with me’ argument. Occasionally pops up in a way that sounds almost nice, then turns horrifying very quickly.

Roman: Take Roman, make his ideas more Remus. He’s already Loud and Proud, just make him scarier, and a little more incessant and probably a little more arrogant for good measure.

[freddieofhearts]

Bye bye, dears (for now!)

I know there have been a lot of rumours and some posts about me leaving, so here I am to set the record straight and say a quick ‘au revoir’. This post is long, and I don’t expect everyone to read the whole thing—if you just want information on how to keep in touch, or about access to my removed fics, scroll to the bottom. ⬇️

*

Why are you leaving?

Firstly, of course I’m not leaving Freddie. This is just an ongoing hiatus from the social side of fandom, because while I have some incredible friends here, who have done all they can to support me and have made this experience wonderful in lots of ways—it’s also true that the social space has become more and more toxic for me.

I get a wild amount of hate. Despite never having my ask box enabled on here, people create new accounts just to message me and tell me all the problems in this fandom are my fault, that I’m faking being sick, that I should kill myself, that I’m fat, etc. I also very regularly get hateful comments on AO3.

Obviously I realise that I’m not the only one who receives these cruel attacks, but it’s become increasingly hard to handle them—especially as some people (‘real’ accounts, not faceless anons) do continue to blame me for wider problems in the fandom. It makes me feel consistently sad, anxious, and paranoid, so that I can’t focus on anything Queen-related that I enjoy.

More pressingly, it’s affected my mental health, which is—imperfect at the best of times. As I’ve occasionally alluded to in older posts on this blog, I have a history of anorexia, OCD, PTSD, and some other overlapping issues. Most people who know me in the fandom are also aware that I’m ‘clinically extremely vulnerable’ to Covid-19, significantly immunocompromised, and have been isolating at home for eleven months.

The combination of all of these things + the constant toxic messages has really been triggering me, and leading to an uptick in disordered behaviours, which my body cannot sustain. Every new instance of hate from an anon—every time there’s another indication of groups in the fandom wanting to ostracise me further—my reaction is deeply self-punitive and unhealthy. Ultimately I need to be out of this environment for, at least, a protracted period. My therapist, my partner and my close friends in the fandom support this decision.

*

So, what went wrong?

In 2019, I expected to be an absolutely tiny blog in the Queen Tumblr landscape. The fandom was already well-established, and I have never worked to ‘build a following’ on here—I think I’ve linked my own fic a maximum of three or four times!—in fact, more or less the opposite. As I mentioned above: ya girl is nutty as a fruitcake. As a result, I often avoid extremely niche things in daily life which cause severe anxiety for me, Relevant examples here: I never look at my timeline. I never intentionally look at my follower number. Yup, it’s strange, I fully admit it, but it’s best for me to go with these things—usually. In Queen fandom, however, this avoidance both of analytic stats and of most direct engagement led to some problems... My followers grew without me realising, and way more people were reading my blog than I was aware of. I was still in a—“Wow, this fandom is very frustrating, and rife with ableism, racism, etc., so how do we fix this???”—mindset, and I wanted to share my opinions, sure! but I also thought I was sharing them with 15-20 like-minded people.

Now, intent is not impact, and I recognise that I was brusque, didn’t phrase things particularly sensitively, and absolutely did hurt some people by criticising the fandom so freely. I still regret this—and I regret just as much the fact that some assholes have used my criticising the fandom on my own blog as implicit justification for attacking authors. I have said on here many times that I don’t condone that behaviour—but I also think there’s some truth in the presumption that these anonymous malcontents felt my critiques somehow ‘permitted’ them to engage in abuse. For the first few months, though, I genuinely had no idea there was a link at all—and so I was initially slow to condemn this abusive behaviour in public, because I was taking it for granted all authors agreed it was shitty. It took someone directly telling me (shoutout to @a-froger-epic) that people had identified a connection between my posts and the anons, before everything fell into place.

I would like to offer my apologies to the fandom at large for not being more quick on the uptake about this, because I feel that had I realised sooner that these people were taking ‘inspiration’ in some way from me, it might have been easier to put a stop to it. It does seem that there is still a lot of confusion about whether I support them and which of their views I agree with. Let’s be 100% clear on this: I do not support the anonymous commenters on AO3. At times there is some, limited overlap between parts of their views and parts of mine, but even that is less than you may think—I often see anonymous comments from so-called ‘Freddie fans’ that I substantially disagree with.

Perhaps even more importantly: I do not support anyone who sends anonymous hate on Tumblr.

*

What’s all this about ‘overlap’ with the anons?

Let’s do a mini-summary of the myths vs. the truth. There are views I hold which are genuinely unpopular in the fandom—but which I own up to completely, and have never tried to hide in any way. I’ve never needed to use anonymous to share my opinions because I’m completely open about them! What people who don’t know me tend to have ‘heard’ about me, though, is usually a drastic distortion of my real opinions.

What people think I think:

- Freddie should never top.

- It’s okay to send anon hate if someone writes Freddie ‘wrong’.

- It’s more important to correct ‘wrong’ portrayals than to respect other writers.

- It’s inherently wrong to be more interested in band pairings than canon pairings.

- Freddie should be overtly written as a r*pe survivor/victim (and not doing this is wrong).

- Freddie should be overtly written as having an eating disorder (and not doing this is wrong).

- Kink fics are wrong.

What I actually think:

- I believe Freddie did have a strongly defined sexual identity with marked preferences, but I don’t think Jim Hutton lied when he said that Freddie topped. I believe Freddie did top, but this isn’t the time or place to get into my thoughts on why/when/how much. I do believe that my analysis of the sources relevant to this subject is as historically accurate as one can reasonably be in matters of sex (where historical accuracy will always be particularly limited and imperfect)—but I don’t think it’s morally wrong to write Freddie as topping more than he probably did.

- I don’t believe there’s only one ‘right’ version of Freddie (all others being ‘wrong’). I do believe it is possible to be more right or less right—but I’m also conscious of the fact that this scale of value is not one by which everyone measures fanfiction. As a result, then, I don’t think that any perceptions surrounding ‘right’ or ‘wrong’ justify sending anonymous, non-constructive criticism, or outright hate.

- I do believe constructive criticism is a good thing. I welcome and appreciate it myself; I have received it on my fics in Queen fandom, and it has made them better. I have been in writing workshops which included very forceful criticisms, and the value of such feedback has been intimately and immediately part of my life as a writer for years. However: in this case, I have accepted that my opinion differs from the general community preference, and so I no longer offer any constructive criticism (outside private beta-reading). I haven’t changed my view, but I’ve changed my practice to align with community norms.

- I do not think any single, individual writer has a personal responsibility to write about Freddie Mercury in any given way. That ranges from including the more distressing topics to which I’ve devoted attention (such as trauma)—to concentrating on ‘canon’ pairings like Jimercury—to, even, focusing on Freddie at all.

“Now, that doesn’t sound like you, @freddieofhearts,” you might be thinking. And I know it doesn’t; I think something I’ve done a poor job of articulating is the difference between how I view each individual fan—namely, as free to shape their creative experience at will, even in ways that I might find distressing or offensive; even in ways that you might find distressing or offensive—and the way I view the Collective. I think people have interpreted some of my critiques of ‘Queen Fandom’ as meaning something like: “You-in-particular, a specific Queen fan, are doing it wrong and should change everything about how you do it; also you don’t really care about Freddie.”

And—that’s not it. What any given fan, as an individual, does, isn’t a problem. And that can be true alongside—concurrently with—a multivalent critique of how the fandom is lacking in representation of Freddie’s life, with all that that (wonderful, deservedly celebrated, but also profoundly traumatic) life entailed. I still hold that view; I still have myriad problems with ‘the fandom’ (structurally, collectively, historically and presently—from the 1990s to the 2020s). Some of what I want to work on (away from the social life of fandom) is expressing those critiques with greater nuance, in ways that can’t be misinterpreted as shading any particular fanfiction author or subgenre of story.

In brief: I haven’t changed my mind, but I think Tumblr is an untenable environment in which to discuss the things I want to analyse, especially as there is an ever-present danger of hurting someone.

*

Can we keep in touch? Where is the fic?

I will drop by this account periodically to check out posts that friends have sent me, so you can always sent me a private message to ask for my contact details on the other app that I’m using now for fandom friends. Multiple Freddie conversations and projects are going on over there, off-Tumblr, with a much ‘gentler’ environment and no bad actors—I personally love it!

All my fic has been downloaded and saved. I don’t want to deal with constant harassment on AO3, but I’m happy to share a copy with anyone who missed it and wants to read/re-read something. I also saved everyone’s lovely comments and thoughtful con-crit, so none of that has been lost or erased.

Thank you to everyone who welcomed me to the fandom, made me think, taught me, shared with me, sent me into fits of the giggles, collaborated with me creatively, and otherwise made this one hell of a ride! Love you all. ❤️

[trad-masculine]

I'm dating again.

Which brings a very weird feeling to it, admiting this anonymously to people who follow me for doing a Masculine style thing on a blog. Speaking of I appreciate all of you for being interested in what amounts to one person's thoughts on being a man in the 21st century.

It might be palpable that I'm in an emotionally vulnerable headspace as I write this. Which, yeah, breakup, taking some time to myself to recalibrate, back to dating after over a year in a committed thing; it's emotionally heavy.

A bias to near prejudice, or at least strong dislike approaching disgust of mine is this; I do not like weakness in men. This is a feeling, & the idea of weakness is a felt thing, it's not born of an extensive philosophy, as most of what I think & feel tends to emerge from. This is visceral, the philosophy that it has is post hoc. I'm not sure, then, if this is the truest of beliefs I have, or the most distorted.

Weakness is not emotionality. This is a profound truth for me. As, the men I most respect, I have seen almost to a man, cry & bring forth tears to their eyes over depth of feeling, either of joy, of sorrow, or of compassion. I consider an absence of emotion a form of cowardice. Perhaps the central nature of it. As by my introspection, fear of emotion is what represses all the other emotions. Rolling off of this, I respect people who Know Fear. Being scared is an honorable place to be, if the emotion is appropriate. Cowardice isn't the act of being afraid, but of being only afraid. Having nothing meaningful within you to temper your fear.

I bring this up, because I want to talk about what the social process of dating does to men.

When on a dating app, nearly every guy is a player. Those that aren't are either very confused & naive, or are working something very specific. Player to me isn't a skill or approach, but an innate psychological state, let's call it Player Mode. There is also a psychological state which we can call Commitment Mode.

Spread your seed, or tend it, so to speak.

There is all sorts of powerful brain chemistry involved & the psychological states are deeply embedded in our psyche.

There are two very distinct ways to be a player, however. A Manipulator or a Lover. Possibly a third, I'll call a Sniper.

Before we get deep into that, let's walk through what happens when when you use a dating app, although playing the field at a bar or in the wild works somewhat the same, psychologically.

You start by swiping, liking & messaging girls. Some reply back. Let's say you come across a profile & immediately start crushing on the girl. You get nervous, so your message is shit, she doesn't reply. That's brutal if you think it through, breaking a crush hurts. You have to like/message about say, 50 girls to get a date. Breaking 50 crushes isn't a viable emotional strategy to get to step one of a relationship.

*Thus the emotional train is off the tracks, & for a deep relationship to happen the feeling must be rekindled, after you start to get to know the girl. >She needs to talk you into crushing on her.*

*This* is the central problem of dating. Because of the social process we have currently, men aren't chasing crushes, & so aren't entering a first date in the headspace that builds to true commitment.

The Manipulator is afraid of commitment, & of his own emotions controlling him, so he tells himself that the number of women he can lie to & talk into sleeping with him is the measure of his Masculinity. This is hard to argue with, man to man. The moral analysis isn't worth much. But the analysis that recognizes him & outs him as a coward, that has a better chance of productive impact.

The Lover can be powerfully passionate because his emotions are brought to the fore & made active as he goes into a relationship, as he wants to feel the love, but to balance himself, he lives in the moment. Generally, he doesn't lie or promise commitment. Regardless of the intensity of his feelings, he is still very embedded in the headspace of Player Mode. Since is isn't repressing or managing himself, after a time in a relationship, that player mode returns to the forefront as the honeymoon period ends & he finds himself drawn to a new & exciting Lover.

The Sniper can be of either type as default, but he is also looking for "the one." So he's judging women very directly between what he wants to lay short term, & who might be worth more effort & is worthy of commitment. I think I'd accurately describe myself as a Lover-Sniper.

I tried to not emotionality weight these, or apply judgement to the ideas. I simply want to be concise & analytical so there is clear understanding.

A pure Sniper is rare. The emotional insecurity of not having some form of a relationship is a powerful form of anxiety. There are plenty of guys who are "snipers" because they can't get a relationship. So they are mentally in commitment mode. This is, I think, the source of porn addiction & or simping. I know of guys who are on a high level & who had the self control to turn down offers of sex & relationships until they found someone they considered worthy. I wanted to be this, intuitively as a teen, but gave up the fantasy that I could win the girl of my dreams without having the confidence that comes from experience in realationships & in bed. This can get to a very disturbed & obsessive mindset. Stalkers are pure snipers. But there are other kinds.

*

My advice to someone in that kinda spot, to my past self. It's easy to get good at sex, it's easy to get good at being in a relationship with someone who sees the potential within you. Figuring out how to get girls to the point of willing & then to turn down those girls is useful. If purity of purpose & being is important to you, don't take the first girl who throws herself at you. The regret bites for a long time. But if porn takes you to a place where you aren't getting out & talking to girls, tossing the v card is easily worth it to get your headspace fixed.

*

There isn't a psychological dynamic that is in itself correctly healthy for men regarding approach sexuality, at least in the current dating environment. Chasing Crushes isn't scalable, & that is the root problem.

There's a type of girl who is only looking for "A Long Term Relationship Only." She isn't however, inticing. She doesn't know how to be wanted & desirable. She doesn't offer anything that brings out the crush which a man will need to be in in order to shift into a healthy commitment mode with her. I'm not certain what happens there, but I have to imagine everyone involved feels they are settling, & will hurt for the entirety of the relationship.

*

I'm writing this up as I'm trying to really think through how to solve the dating situation so that it works for more people. So relationships are successful & men & women are happy in them. It's not the most elegant or beautiful or composed thought I've had or published here, but this is deeply important to me.

Love shouldn't suck. We need to collectively figure out how to Make Love Lovely Again.

So, I have an idea I want to pitch, which has been difficult to get across to people I've talked to about this, such that the idea made sense to them. But I really think I'm close to right on this.

*

Women need game. Men have game. Fuck hookup PUA's but the actual technique tools of how to appeal to women are spectacularly useful. Women need to figure out how to appeal to men, not as sexual objects, but as potential relationships. Game for men is about getting laid. Game for women should be about getting men to fall for them & only them.

"Men are responsible for making the relationship, women for keeping it."

*

There's an ancient form of girlgame passed down generations mother to daughter. Just as there was an ancient form of guygame passed down from men to boys. We need to rekindle the dance between the Masculine & feminine in the realm of sexual relationship, dating & play. This fight thing we're all doing sucks.

Like most guys I want to find someone good enough to catch my heart, but I don't want to pretend for lifetime I've found the one when I haven't.

The love of men that isnt born of a crush is slow. The path of a crush is easy to explain, but deep love is a slow thing. I've seen love at first sight, or at least very close to it. But it's from a level of deep being that's so rarely reached mutually by two people who meet such that such a lightning connection can form. But I've also seen a relationship start from a small kernel & grow into a forest.

I firmly believe there's a lot of possible paths to True Love, I've seen several myself, but normative paths of how we find each other as sexual humans make us start in places within ourselves that make reaching True Love impossible, at least without a deep course correction at some latter point.

Those of us looking for that Sacred kind of love in fairy tales, that which we burn for, need to figure out how to survive with outselves long enough to find each other & get there together. Maybe this means breaking the rules of what we thing is "proper" dating.

Honestly, whatever we do, we need to figure this bitch out & work together to get back there. I'm tired of the men VS women game, tired of the fight being the normal way of things.

Hmu if you have some thoughts on how to do this love thing better together, I'll be listening to Hozier & watching Princess Bride. ✌️

[makimakikun]

Maki Katsuragi: The Autism Theory

Maki Katsuragi could be on the autism spectrum. Here’s why! TW: Abuse mentions/references, mental disorders/disabilities in-depth, child abuse, psychological aspects, and childhood conditioning. 

I think the common conception of mentally ill/disabled people not being confident in nature or never being able to fit into a setting isn’t entirely accurate for everyone or a good way to sum up such a wide variety of people. 

Let’s go into maki’s personality. His most noticeable quality: he’s confident. He’s confident enough to shape the environment he enters if he wishes. He’s confident enough to make people bend or even change their entire perspective on things. 

Did you notice everyone had false misconceptions about him? Everyone was surprised when he said certain things, like they weren’t expected of someone “with his personality”. For example, what he told Itsuki after he hit the boy with the racket, what he said when Tsubasa held the racket, what he told Yuu after confronting them, what he said to Touma after the matches, etc.  There are so many examples of people misconstruing Maki. People thinking he’s not as smart or as considerate as he actually is.

Why? I think it’s because he comes off a certain way. He seems too confident; too formal; too anti-social; too whatever. Everyone has misconceptions of everyone else, but these are things I heavily related to: the ways everyone saw Maki. 

To add personal experiences-- in the environment I was raised in, I had to be confident. I had to learn how to confront opposition with a calm war face. I had to learn how to speak; how to stand; how to stare into people’s eyes despite being uncomfortable with it; how to seem like I did things with little thought to them, despite the fact that I overthought constantly. This made many people think I was an airhead, or just generally not as smart as others.  I’ve had many people be really surprised that I was insecure, that I had issues, that I was smart & analytical. it’s happened to most people I met. These same misconceptions are bred when people see Maki, just because he’s confident and makes talking/moving/doing anything look easy. While we can see he’s smart as the audience, the other characters cannot, and this is important to remember.

Living while mentally disabled in a situation where you have an assigned job (like mediator & provider, which are Maki’s jobs) and huge responsibilities (both household chores/jobs and/or emotional support, which are also Maki’s jobs) is different from living while ill in a situation where your responsibilities are limited (like Touma’s).  There are many reasons why Touma’s issues seem more relatable and noticeable to the audience than Maki’s, and it has to do with the familial and outside dynamics they experienced throughout their life, as well as personality and disorder conflicts.

By personality and disorder conflicts, I mean that Maki and Touma have a lot of differences, both in upbringing, personality, and in the disorders I believe they have. Maki contrasts from Touma’s Autistic relatability most likely because he seems to have both ADHD and Autism, in my opinion. It’s a combination that can leave you a lot more jumbled and harder to relate to than just having Autism or ADHD alone, like I headcanon that Touma only has Autism.

Circling back to Maki’s personality. He seems to have a case of Chronic Chillness, outside of his obvious impatience issue, which I think is an indicator of his trueness as a person. In that respect, I mean that his impatience may be an indicator that he’s not as nonchalant as he seems. This is a huge part of my own mentally ill experience, so I felt the need to mention it.  It doesn’t mean I never look anxious or that I’m never anxious; It’s that no one sees it or suspects it. Sometimes I even convince myself. I have lax shoulders, I make lazed movements, I speak confidently & a lot of the time with slang or curses. Maki exhibits these qualities as well, aside from the cursing. However, I become starchly formal with people I don’t plan on befriending or becoming close with - esp in a professional setting (I.E. how Maki acted with the teacher and meeting the team, as I’ve concluded his original belief was that he wouldn’t attempt to attach himself to the team emotionally at first) - and I add formality to most newer people unless it’s a casual setting and I want them to feel comfortable/welcome. 

I create environments where either respect is expected or people feel obligated to bend in their hatred, whether it be out of insecurity, fear, or genuine appreciation. Maki does speak confidently and calmly, and he does all that I listed, in my opinion.  Let’s talk about the symptoms and symptom portrayals.  ♡ First up on the list: Intensive focusing/ Hyperfocusing/Interest in specific topics alone, with a habit of losing interest or not showing interest in other things. This is one of the most talked-about symptoms in processing and learning disorders from my experience.  One could say Maki is the definition of this symptom. He shows little interest in school, clubs, or any other subject besides astronomy. Specifically, as of most episodes, his book given to him by Ryouma, which he seems to continuously read despite it being a small book. We can assume he may be reading it over and over again.  The only club he now focuses on is soft tennis. That began from a place of obligation, not genuine interest. He seemed to have felt morally obligated to join after receiving a promise to money and a racket. However, we can assume he’s more emotionally invested in this team now, after rekindling his friendship with Touma and meeting the club members.  His focus on the club is obvious. He allows it to be a part of his daily life, and seems to even spend his off-time putting together schedules for their play, as seen in the episode where Rintarou and Touma speak privately. He also speaks of soft tennis during breaks within the school or dinner at his own apartment, as seen in the episodes where Yuu, Kanako, and Touma visit.  ♡ Moving on to the second symptom. Tics, like repeated motions, phrases, or movements. These movements or phrases can vary in frequency and noticeability. It can be shown subtly or as a common and known action that this person does every day. Maki Katsuragi seems to have a catchphrase - saying “I see.” or “naru-ho-do”, but since this isn’t your typical anime and the characters are portrayed as a lot more realistic than troupes, we can assume this could be a sign of a tic. He also tends to make strange movements while thinking, which is a sign that he’s trying to process what he’s about to say or what he’s thinking of.  This scene, in particular, stood out to me. While thinking, Maki idly swung his hand in circles. This is something I do personally as well. I tend to circle my hands while thinking to either enunciate my words or figure out a way to explain what I’m about to say, as well as try to process things I’ve heard. 

♡ On to the third symptom, which is - in my opinion - a very important one. Trouble showing or expressing certain emotions well or clearly. This can range from ways of speech, to expressions, to body language, and so forth. This can be both subtle or severe, depending on the case. Maki seems to be the type that wears smiles on his sleeve in good situations, but... let me ask you a question. Did anyone see the ending coming? I can’t say that I did, but I can tell you that I don’t think it’s unrealistic for it to happen. What I noticed about Maki is that he’s not the best at showcasing emotions outside the scope of positive or neutral, which is a huge indicator of many things. Two of them are some of the main issues in his life. Physical and mental abuse (from his father), and an overly cheerful and somewhat neglectful parental figure whose nature most likely makes him feel obligated to keep up a facade and not vent his frustrations (like his mother). In truth, many of the scenes where Maki was happy in recent episodes could’ve been motivators for him to pick up the knife. The looming threat of his father never went away, and when you’re in a happy situation, while there’s a threat still lurking, it can leave you to wonder when all these good things will be taken away. His mother possibly being hurt or even kidnapped are huge solidifiers for his resolve. I’ll be addressing this motivation-driven argument further in another post. Moving on now! Maki shows very few expressions. One of his most common being a blank face that looks a touch angry. It doesn’t mean he is angry; I think the intention behind his facial expressions is that he has trouble showing a relaxed neutral expression as well as having what many would call a “resting bitch face”. Most of his expressions range from constant neutral, curious, scared, happy, or the occasional mad. His voice tone is also key here. He often speaks around the same keys. His voice is quiet and calm, with the occasional hint of playfulness. However, it rarely rises or falls drastically, unless in a serious situation. Even then, Maki still doesn’t sound very different from his usual tone.  He also moves very directly and with purpose. It’s rare for him to show hesitation or anxiety, which may be a product of Autism, ADHD, and/or living with his father, where any sign of fear, sadness, or anger could cost him. ♡  Here’s a fourth symptom. Not remembering information, especially information not regarding hyperfixations or general interests. This is common in many illnesses but is hugely prevalent in both Autism and ADHD.  This is shown especially in the scene where he meets Kanako Mitsue for the second time canonly. He didn’t even remember her face, name, or room despite just meeting her yesterday. This is a huge indicator of a memory problem regarding information his brain considers “not important”, as he seems to remember most things about his interests and chores clearly. 

This is getting increasingly long, so I think I may be ending it here! This is a subject I could go on and on for, but I think I made some good and valid points here! It took me a long time to finish this, as my motivation is lacking.  Thank you for reading and I hope you enjoyed it! 

[blissfulalchemist]

full clear for catraf xx

Thank you for asking Stella! Here they are for you all!

1. Who do the kids enjoy playing with the most?

Raf more so. Not that mom isn’t fun, but A. she’s shorter and so can’t lift them as high as dad can B. Dad isn’t always around (gotta love that military career) and so he’s seen as more of a novelty than anything. Outside of those two its Chance and Wes.

2. Who gets carried away with the baby proofing?

For Liz? They both do. It’s the first kid and so everything has to be perfect and ready and just SAFE! Danny? Well they kind of kept the house as is for baby proofing since it just made sense if they were gonna have another kid....and Liz showed some signs that she was gonna be a little out there. Raf though went a little more extensive in the touching up though. 

3. Who does the baby follow around more?

Liz followed dad around more when he was home, was it to annoy him a little? Yeah, but she just loved hanging around him too, especially when he played cello for her. She also loved to imitate his smiles and body language, she wanted to be a leader like him, so she just had to follow him like royalty did in order to best learn. Danny always kind of was Cat’s shadow. He was always the quieter one and just preferred mom’s quiet to Liz’s loud, he also liked to watch her cook and work around the house really, yes even corrected her when she wasn’t cleaning just right, though who is she to argue with him. Mom also just was fine with him drawing in her lap as she she did computer work or just any time she was sitting. 

4. Who is the one the kids call out to when they’re looking for something?

You would think Raf but no it’s Cat. Cause here’s the thing, Raf makes sure everything has a place and everything stays there, but who decides to move stuff around or leave a bit of a mess? Cat. So if something is missing it’s because she probably moved it and she can tell you a very specific area on where she placed it. She’s better at retracing her steps too so if she can’t remember she can find it fairly quickly. Yeah can’t tell you how many times she’s almost made Raf late cause she decided to put his keys somewhere else the night before and thought he’d be able to see it.

5. Who’s constantly up checking on the baby in the middle of the night (even when the baby is sound asleep)?

Cat likes to sleep with Liz and Danny as much as possible when they are babies so she can at least wake up to their cries easier, but her anxiety makes it harder to sleep and if she can wake up just a bit to see that they are still breathing then she can get some sleep still. When Liz was first born, Cat kept trying to run on 2 hours of sleep which was doing more harm than good so Raf bought the bigger bed to allow them to have Liz between them and then Danny. Raf would also check on them too but he also sleeps a lot more lightly than Cat does, as they get older he checks on them a little more, especially when he comes home late in the middle of the night. 

6. Who has their kids’ favorite movie nearly memorized on account on how frequently they request to watch it?

Cat would have the songs memorized and special lines memorized, while Raf would have the full movie script down. Its something he can do to try and feel closer to them and keep himself from missing them. He can know their exact reactions and be able to see in his minds eye the movie with them.

7. Who trails behind the baby to make sure they don’t fall? (And then has to console them once they inevitably do.)

Cat more so. It starts to feel like second nature to her to keep an eye on them. Being at the big family parties she always tried to keep an eye on the smaller kids to help in case their parent was farther away. Part of that community parenting aspect, so she does this to other’s people kids. She has eyes on as many of the kids in jeopardy verse as possible. Raf will watch but he’s also more the one that can stop them without even looking it seems. Especially Liz, he has a second instinct with her a lot of times.

8. Who knows to cut off the crust from the sandwiches?

They are both chefs they both remember to do this. If one does forget it’s Cat cause she rushed, but neither child is that picky.

9. Who started taking photos of the baby as soon as they were born?

Raf. Cat would have but she was a disaster and didn’t want pictures, he did not listen. Three pictures are sent to everyone as soon as humanly possible of both Danny and Liz. Cat soon takes the most pictures of them both, you could make a three hour length movie with just the first ten years of their lives for each child.

10. Who doesn’t let the kids go out in the cold until they’re bundled in layers?

This might fall more onto Raf. Look its not because Cat doesn’t care but she’s someone that doesn’t get as cold and feels that if you have one good coat you don’t need all these extra layers. She just makes sure they have coat, scarf, gloves, hat, boots, and appropriate pants. Raf will want them doubling up on layers at a certain temperature that’s a bit higher than Cat’s threshold for extra layers. 

11. Who has a harder time getting the baby to eat their food?

Raf does. They make their own baby food and snacks a lot of time and well....someone tries to make it healthier and therefore it doesn’t taste as good as the other. Cat is just slightly better at hiding the vitamins and minerals than he is. 

12. Who ends up having to hold whatever half-eaten snack the baby didn’t want anymore?  

Neither really. Cat does a lot of time but both she and Raf quickly figure out the right portion to give the kids and those two kids split their snacks so its easier. This makes Cat laugh because sometimes they only like certain things of a meal and so it makes it easier to share, just like she and her sisters. You could give them a corn dog and one could not and would not eat the hot dog part while the other could not and would not eat the breading so mom and dad would just buy one big one and boom there was snack/meal taken care of.

13. Who checks under the bed for monsters?

Cat brings the monster spray while Raf is the muscle to fight them away if the spray isn’t working. 

14. Who’s the “tooth fairy” that leaves money under the kids’ pillows?

Both are, but you can always tell who got there first by how much money was left under the pillow.

15.  Who is better at comforting the kids when they’re scared?

This goes to Cat more. It’s not that Raf is bad, he’s got his methods to make them feel comforted for more specific situations, Cat just is better with in the moment emotional comfort. Cat is primary first response team while Raf is more like the doctors once you get to the hospital. It works out really well for them and most of the time it doesn’t take much for the kids to be comforted by mom, so the second response isn’t needed until the morning when they can go to dad for a solution on how to fix what’s scaring them.

— BONUS

A. Who do they think their child takes after? In what ways do they remind them of each other?

There’s a running joke that Liz takes after Wes too much to actually be Raf’s but at the end of the day she’s more like Cat. Her personality and extrovertedness comes from Raf 100% but the qualities in which she believes in and are her core come from Cat above all else. Her wanting to stand up for those around her, willingness to give the shirt off her back to those in need, leaving the world a better place than one found it, determination, stubborn in their morals, and impulsiveness to do the right thing, all things that came from Cat, you just only really see it as loud as Liz when Cat loses that barrier of polite society. The music though came from Raf, Cat has a love for music and has to have it around, but the talent for it and ability to be a performer comes from Raf. Danny though, his core comes from Raf. That independence, leader like quality, thinking ahead/preparedness, analytical, sense of duty,  and loyalty to his family that’s all his father. The way it presents is more from Cat, he’s shyer and more willing to let others take the lead but still be the voice of reason, he also is a bit more attuned to other’s emotions that has become a learned behavior, and just is softer like her. 

B. What was their first night as new parents like?

A bit overwhelming really. They thought they were prepared but no one is really prepared. Neither slept much that night as it soon became little tiffs on who was getting up to do what and the next few days had them questioning if it was the right thing to do. Many of these thoughts came from Cat’s own anxiety and that neither didn’t have any kind of sleep and so their minds weren’t exactly the clearest. Once Raf’s parents butted in and made those two get some good sleep things were smoother sailing and so Danny was a lot easier as they felt like they knew more and had better systems in place. 

C. Did their relationship change once they became parents? How?

It did as things they agreed on and methods established proved to be unrealistic and so there was an adjustment in how their parenting styles would mesh again. This was also around the time Raf’s career started to take off again and so there was some slight resentment and worry on Cat’s end that they would be permeantly tossed to the side, things that went away as they found systems that worked and Raf continued to show her that he wasn’t just going to forget about them, that he was going to be there as much as he could be. 

D. What new traditions do they start as a family?

There was already some shared cultural traditions that involved family but one thing was as they got more friends and settled back in with the community(especially in jeopardy verse) were big dinners and music/talent nights. It was at least once a month and everyone was invited, it was food galore, laughs, music, and just a way to have everyone around to catch up. On a smaller scale the four of them have a wall that was mostly photos that were of Raf when he was somewhere new and family vacations that were firsts, soon when someone in the family visits some place new for the first time you take a picture and it goes on the wall. Going as a family for the first time also counts and they get spots on the wall. This makes Cat the most happy once Liz and Danny start moving out as she can see where they’ve been and see where they’re going. 

E. Are they honest with their children? Are there certain things they try to shield from them?

Neither Cat or Raf like lying and so they are honest in age appropriate manners. Cat really doesn’t hide her mental illness and explains it to Liz and Danny many times when they ask in ways that get more details as they get older, this is most important to Cat as she doesn’t want her kids to suffer in silence like she did so if it’s normalized to be talked about they can feel more comfortable coming to her or Raf if they start to have issues. Depending on the verse there are things that they try to shield the kids from but are discussed when asked in a way that feels appropriate for their ages. 

[smallnico]

Concerning Good Omens, it's so interesting to me that Crowley is the one most forward about his feelings while Aziraphale keeps them closer to his chest. It goes against trope expectations of their characters imo, since Aziraphale is the "nicer, lighter" one and those character types are usually more open about love. But in another way it makes sense since he probably sees it as giving in to selfish desires/temptation. It just makes their dynamic all the more interesting!

it really does! :> it also contributes to the themes of the book in adaptation by making the two different "types" of person, good and evil, a lot more complicated. it'd be easy to make the kind and loving and good one also very honest and open, especially considering another facet of az's character, that he tends to take other people at their word, but good omens goes the different direction of making aziraphale and crowley People rather than making them Fit -- with good or evil, or with any particular character archetype.

he could see it as giving into desire/temptation! but here's something else to consider, too: crowley and aziraphale both have their own ways of masking their own vulnerability. at the end of the day, both of them are more human because they're vulnerable, despite being immortal and incredibly powerful, and because that makes them more human than anything, they both need to take measures to hide it, particularly from their respective employers. because aziraphale is the sort of person to take people at their word, maybe it's just that he generally assumes others -- particularly other angels -- will believe him as well, when he insists that he doesn't like crowley, or insists that he's interested in stopping the apocalypse for more general "greater good" reasons, rather than showing off his weak spots. another specific example of this apart from crowley is when he talks to gabriel in the first episode, in the sushi restaurant: gabriel asks what he's doing and why, az replies not that he likes sushi or that he enjoys eating, but that sushi is, broadly speaking, good. when gabriel argues that he'd never "soil the celestial temple of (his) body with gross matter", az just doesn't respond, not to defend himself or defend what he's doing, even though in the acting he clearly understands he's being shamed and knows he's not going to do anything about it.

the fact that this is his chosen defense mechanism and he's still so bad at lying, i think, speaks more to the fear of being Discovered or Known rather than any sort of genuine belief in his own denial. he knows he loves crowley -- how could he not know? he admits it in subtle ways all the time -- he just doesn't want to be recognized as having vulnerability, or vices, in az's specific case.

crowley has the same kind of thing. i remember seeing an analytic post about his sunglasses (which i would track down and link but can't, cus mobile is awful) and how they're used as a personal and cinematic shorthand for him disguising his true feelings from prying eyes. crowley can get away with admitting his true feelings because he's better at hiding how vulnerable they make him apart from the feelings themselves. the only thing crowley really outwardly denies is the fact that he's a good person, because he's trying very hard to seem like a good demon, something he never wanted to be in the first place. unlike aziraphale, who By Definition as an angel has to be pure and righteous according to someone else's standards, crowley can get away with having vices because he's a demon, and he can get away with having virtues because he knows how to play it smart so his bosses don't find out and Destroy him.

good and evil are both polar extremities, between which sits humanity and vulnerability. if aziraphale openly admits to liking sushi, that's ammunition to judge him for not being angelic enough. if he openly admits to liking earth, it betrays his human vulnerability, his softness, and it's ammunition to judge him for not being angelic enough. if he openly admits to liking crowley, even without admitting that the two of them are in love, then he gets accused of conspiring with hell, the ultimate evil, cus there's no in-between for angels and demons.

it's easy to interpret az's denial as earnest because of the general vibe he gives off of being a soft and sunshiney classically Good person, and i enjoy that interpretation as much as the next person cus i think he's adorable, but it's like you said, it's not that straightforward. az may not be very good at hiding his feelings and vices to anyone who doesn't trust him at his word (crowley sees right through him nearly as soon as they meet, and so does a generous portion of the audience, cus of michael sheen's acting), but he does massively succeed at appearing pure and simple. like crowley, he's playing it smart. unlike crowley, his boss is literally always watching -- it's god, after all. crowley is allowed to play around his vulnerabilities and act apart from his infernal superiours, but aziraphale isn't allowed to slip at all. he's terrified when the other angels corner him because they've found out he's friends with a demon. the only real admission of personal vulnerability az makes which i can remember off the top of my head is when he says "i'm soft" -- the rest of the time he misdirects that stuff so it isn't about him, or so that it frames him as being in the right/not personally at fault/doing his best anyway. like the scene when he's going to be discorporated during the french revolution, where crowley confronts him for making the mistake of going for crepes during a revolution dressed like a dandy. az's responses during this scene communicate a few things:

1) when confronted with the dress code mistake, az argues that he "has standards" for dress which he isn't willing to relinquish

2) he carefully makes no comment on the fact that he loves crepes so much he's willing to follow them through the french revolution despite his dress standards, instead saying that paris is the only place to get good ones, which doesn't address the fact that he wanted crepes to begin with

3) he blames the executioner for making the mistake of discorporating him, and then blames crowley for the french revolution (before he learns it isn't his fault, after which he says nothing else on the matter)

4) he does absolutely nothing to dirty his hands to get out of the situation he's in. he's supposed to cut down on superfluous miracles, but he says not a word with regards to fashion sense or even the killing of his executioner because he's not the one responsible for either of those things -- crowley is. like he says (more or less) in the climax when they're trying to get into the airbase, "i'm supposed to be the good one, i can't do anything about this guy with a gun who's about to shoot us". he wants to do something, and is pleased when something is done, but if he's the one who does it, then he's the one that ends up judged for whatever it is he does if it happens to be the wrong thing. in the climax, worth noting is that he immediately worries he might've sent the soldier somewhere unpleasant.

i could go on and on about aziraphale and about good omens in general, really. i relate to him a lot, cus that mindset is more or less the root of so much of my anxiety: i'm not an angel, and i'm not claiming to be one, but i am pretty idealistically-minded, and afraid of being condemned by others for just doing my own thing, no matter how much that is synonymous with trying to do things i consider to be good. also like with aziraphale, i've loved humans and human variety too much to be so convinced of my own intrinsic moral/ideological superiority that i don't worry if what i'm doing is the correct thing to do. that's just how it be sometimes.

but back to az's denial of his true feelings on things. i can't be sure that he genuinely feels like his vices and his love for crowley are Bad Things that he needs to cover up, but i feel like given his circumstances and personality, the conflicted feelings of "i love this guy, love is good and it makes me feel good" and "this guy is a demon and he does bad things, ergo i can't be sure that loving him specifically is a good thing, so i'm going to pretend it's not happening because what if it is bad and i don't know it's bad and god makes it so i can't be an angel anymore and have to be a demon as well". really, he's just playing it safe and covering his weak spots in case heaven finds out he's not Good. he's an angel, which means he almost certainly doesn't trust his own judgement enough to self-determine, even though he has opinions galore. you can see it in his eyes and on his face that he believes certain things are right and certain things are wrong no matter whose side is doing it, he's just too afraid of the repercussions to admit it. i love my ethereal son

i'm talking more about the show in this post, but all this is a lot more obvious in his book characterization. lest this post become twice as long, i'll cut myself off here -- if you or anyone else wants to continue the discussion, feel free to! sorry this took so long to respond to.

[emmvxnce]

i didn’t know i was a p h o e n i x                                TILL I LEARNED HOW TO S P E A K

𝖖 𝖚 𝖔 𝖙 𝖊 𝖘

"Without losing a piece of me, how do i get to heaven?  Without changing a piece of me, how do I get to heaven?  So if I’m losing a piece of me, maybe I don’t want heaven.” — Troye Sivan, Heaven

“She had a strange feeling in the pit of her stomach, like when you’re swimming and you want to put your feet down on something solid, but the water’s deeper than you think and there’s nothing there.” — Julia Gregson

“The worst thing in the world next to anarchy, is government.” — Henry Ward Beecher

“I’ve left my fingerprints somewhere. And that’s good enough.  And I am my own person. And that’s good enough.  And… I stand my ground. And that’s good enough.” — Morrissey

𝖇 𝖆 𝖘 𝖎 𝖈

NAME: Emmeline Glenys Vance NICKNAMES: Emme, Em, Vance AGE: Twenty Two BIRTHDAY: 10 September 1957 GENDER: Cis Female PRONOUNS: She/Her SEXUALITY: Homosexual ETHNICITY: English, Welsh, Chinese

𝖋 𝖆 𝖒 𝖎 𝖑 𝖞

MOTHER: Jìngyi ‘Jenny’ Vance, née Ling (44) FATHER: Raymond Thomas Vance (46) SIBLINGS: Charles Vance (23), Margaret Vance (20)

𝖕 𝖍 𝖞 𝖘 𝖎 𝖈 𝖆 𝖑 𝖆𝖙𝖙𝖗𝖎𝖇𝖚𝖙𝖊𝖘

FACE CLAIM: Chloe Bennet BUILD: Naturally slim, of average height.  Several years of training have lent an athletic edge to her body.  Solid bone structure, thin but not waiflike. HAIR: Shoulder length, thick, and wavy. Typically pulled back off her face in some way or other.  Often twisted up with her wand which backfires when she is forced to pull her wand and her hair comes falling around her face.   HAIR COLOR: Dark brown. EYE COLOR: Typically brown, nearly black when she’s upset or angry but lighter when the sun is bright or her mood is up. SKIN COLOR: Beige with warm undertones. DOMINANT HAND: Right. ANOMALIES: Broken nails from years spent biting or picking at them.  A scar on her hairline on the right side of her forehead from where she fell when she was eight and cracked her head on the coffee table in the living room.  Various minor scars from several years with the Order.   SCENT: Honey and lilac from her shampoo, a touch of something floral if she’s decided to put on perfume which is rare and reserved for the most special of occasions.   ACCENT: RP but with traces of welsh from years listening and speaking with her dad who is from Cardiff.   ALLERGIES:  Pollen and blueberries. DISORDERS: Mild anxiety triggered in the last several years by the worsening war FASHION: Leans to muggle fashion, typical late 70′s clothing.  Bell bottoms, high waisted jeans, crop tops, the occasional leather jacket, over sized men’s shirts paired with leggings.  She prefers pants to skirts as often as possible.   NERVOUS TICS:  Biting and picking at her nails, toying with any jewelry she may be wearing, usually a necklace, twirling hair at the base of her neck or from her ponytail.  In general her hands are usually fidgeting in someway, she has a hard time keeping them still. QUIRKS:  She doesn’t like silence and sometimes will hum to herself if there is no other sound just to fill the empty air, she almost always sits with her legs pulled up either under or in front of her.

𝖑 𝖎 𝖋 𝖊 𝖘 𝖙 𝖞 𝖑 𝖊

RESIDES: Plainview Point BORN: Cardiff, where her parents lived in the earliest years of their marriage before moving to a village just outside London.   RAISED: Shere, a village in Surrey, about an hour southwest of London.   PETS: Persimmon aka Persy, a ginger cat she met in an alley near St. Mungo’s who took a liking to her after she shared her turkey sandwich one day and followed her home.  

CAREER: Healer, specializing in spell inflicted damage and working on the fourth floor of St. Mungo’s. EXPERIENCE:  Member of the Potions club in her fifth through seventh years at Hogwarts.  OWLS and NEWTS in Charms, Potions, Herbology, and Defense Against the Dark Arts.  Entered the Healer training program upon graduation from Hogwarts, rotating through each floor and specialization at St. Mungo’s before choosing to specialize in spell-inflicted damage.   EMPLOYER: St. Mungo's Hospital for Magical Maladies and Injuries

POLITICAL AFFILIATION: Order of the Phoenix BELIEFS: Equality, in all shapes and forms.  Being a muggleborn, a woman, the daughter of an immigrant, and a lesbian have given her a unique viewpoint into so many of the ways that society is stacked against certain people.  She does not have a strong religious or spirtual practice or belief but adds it to the list of things she believes people should be allowed to choose and practice without judgment or intercession. MISDEMEANORS: Breaking curfew, pilfering from the potion supply closet in school and a little bit from the hospital when it’s not something she can get at the apothecary FELONIES: None on the record, only in service of the Order DRUGS: Marijuana, both inhaled and ingested.  Girlfriend makes a hell of a pot brownie. SMOKES: Marijuana, yes.  Cigarettes, no. ALCOHOL: Beer mostly, the occasional whiskey when someone else is in charge of choosing it.  Never wine or cocktails.  Too sweet for her taste. DIET:  Mostly simple meals, usually with a bit of a Chinese foundation.  Rice as a staple, a lot of stir fry because it’s simply and quick and can be made in large quantities to last her for many days or to feed a multitude of people.  

LANGUAGES: English, Welsh, Mandarin

PHOBIAS: Fire, losing those she loves and being left alone.   HOBBIES:  Brewing potions, listening and collecting muggle music TRAITS: { + }: compassionate, self-assured, determined, hard working, pragmatic { - }: blunt, ineloquent, inflexible, stubborn, temperamental

𝖋 𝖆 𝖛 𝖔 𝖗 𝖎 𝖙 𝖊 𝖘

LOCATION: Her flat.  She’s turned it into a haven with couches you can sink into, nooks where she can curl up, candles and warm smells, even a fireplace she and Persy like to lie in front of until they fall asleep on the poufs she has as extra seating.   SPORTS TEAM: Chelsea Football Club, Holyhead Harpies (football first and then quidditch) GAME: Rummy, card games in general MUSIC: Muggle rock and punk - Queen, David Bowie, Blondie, The Clash MOVIES: Star Wars, The Godfather (just the first one), Superman, The Exorcist FOOD:  Chinese food but actual Chinese food like her mother makes, not what you can get in the shops.  Not that that’s bad - it’s just not her favorite.   BEVERAGE: Chocolate Milk.  Yes she knows she is a child.   COLOR: Deep gold.  

𝖒 𝖆 𝖌 𝖎 𝖈

ALUMNI HOUSE: Hufflepuff WAND (length, flexibility, wood, & core):  9 ¼ inches, ash, phoenix feather core, slightly springy.  The saying goes that ash wands are stubborn but it isn’t the arrogant or crass type of stubborn that attracts this wood.  It is drawn to a person whose beliefs are held strongly in their mind and deeply in their heart.  Combined with a core of phoenix feather and it’s slightly springy nature, Emmeline’s wand is particularly loyal and becomes finnicky in the hands of anyone other than it’s owner. AMORTENTIA:  Fresh baked pastries, cinnamon, twilight air in the summer PATRONUS:  Brown Bear - social creatures who find strength in sharing resources and who are known for their protective instincts.  Bears are also closely associated with healing in some cultures.   BOGGART:  Darkness.  The kind of darkness that envelops your senses.  Instead of becoming stronger, it dulls each sense so you cannot see but you also cannot hear or feel or smell.  You are isolated, alone, helpless.  Seconds become eternities as you seek any anchor to hold on to to pull yourself back to the world.  

𝖈 𝖍 𝖆 𝖗 𝖆 𝖈 𝖙 𝖊 𝖗

MORAL ALIGNMENT: Neutral Good MBTI: ENFJ-A (Extroverted, Intuitive, Feeling, Judging, Assertive) MBTI ROLE: The Protaganist ENNEAGRAM: Type 2 ENNEAGRAM ROLE: The Helper TEMPERAMENT: Sanguine WESTERN ZODIAC: Virgo

Virgos are always paying attention to the smallest details and their deep sense of humanity makes them one of the most careful signs of the zodiac. This will lead to a strong character, but one that prefers conservative, well-organized things and a lot of practicality in their everyday life. These individuals have an organized life, and even when they let go to chaos, their goals and dreams still have strictly defined borders in their mind. Their need to serve others makes them feel good as caregivers, on a clear mission to help.

CHINESE ZODIAC: Rooster

Roosters are smart, charming, witty, honest, blunt, capable, talented, brave, and self-reliant. They are known for their ability to do astounding things with extremely limited resources. Their way is always right (in their mind, at least), and they love to debate their stance. Roosters are extremely sociable and bask in attention and praise.

PRIMAL SIGN: Corgi

Loyal, observant, and analytical, those born under the Primal Zodiac sign of the Corgi are devoted friends and family members who take on the role of caretaker with great passion. Few others are as eager to jump in and help a friend in need, and Corgis take great pride in this. More so than other signs, members of this sign like to fill a very specific role in the lives of other people, thus getting the majority of their own personal fulfillment through their service to others.

TAROT CARD: Justice

The Justice Tarot card has to do with moral sensitivity and that which gives rise to empathy, compassion, and a sense of fairness. Since the time of Solomon, this image has represented a standard for the humane and fair-minded treatment of other beings.  This card reminds us to be careful to attend to important details. It's a mistake to overlook or minimize anything where this card is concerned.

SONGS: coming soon, i suck at this

IDEOLOGIES: Doesn’t believe in wallowing or living in the past.  Mistakes get made and bad things happen and the only way to get past it all is to pick yourself up and keep on walking.

Tea over coffee.  Fight her about it.  Get yourself some black tea if you need the caffeine.  

There is exactly nothing that can’t be made better by a dance party around the flat with the music so loud that you can’t hear your own thoughts anymore.  

There is no excuse for inequality.  People are people and the only way to get through this life is to care about the people inhabiting the world around you.  Most common thought - “I don’t know how to explain to you that you should care about other people.”

[aqua-eros]

iKON astro notes: Kim Hanbin ✒️

Bonjour! and welcome to a new series of astro notes, this time covering the members of iKON. As always, all assumptions are based on their personal placements and personalities without knowing exact birth times. First, let's take a look at B.I, the leader, rapper and composer of the group🎼

Sun in Libra

Unless you are unfamiliar with iKON and/or B.I, you could definitely point out that, one way or another, Hanbin is very likeable and charming. Any type of person can and probably will naturally and unintentionally fall for him, even if they just met. Such is the Libra gift, brought to them by Venus itself. Venus brings irresistible charm and beauty to to the signs it rules (Taurus and Libra), therefore anyone can find themselves trapped in the moment as the magic of Libra takes their breath away, especially considering the fact that this is an air sign. Air is known for being alluring in a breezy and light-hearted sense, making it's way into your life through the help of intellect. The addition of Venus to Hanbin's air is an even bigger magnet that pulls people in without them even realizing it.

The element of air gives a wide understanding of the world, concepts and ideas, since the mind is the most active and receptive part. Air natives are creative and highly adaptable, because just like air, they can mold themselves into any shape or form, they change in order to fit in or, on the contrary, stand out. In addition, being so observant of the world and people around them, Libra natives are exceptionally good at putting up a facade, acting and playing make-believe in order to get what they truly desire. As you can see, such techniques can be used with various intentions, both good and bad, but ultimately, the goal is to bring harmony and peace to the environment a Libra is in. And if harmony means being right and having the upper hand, well, a Libra will not hesitate to take action to suit themselves. After all, we're talking about a cardinal sign and as much as Libra is known for it's indecisiveness, they know what they truly want.

The Libra energy within Hanbin (his sun and mercury) contributes to his remarkable leadership skills, for as much as he is demanding, detailed and strict, he is also diplomatic, communicative, responsible and a fighter for justice.

take a look at any episode of their survival shows "win: who is next" or "mix & match" to truly understand what I mean. Hanbin always strives for perfection and ultimate dedication from his team, to use their abilities to the max and develop them with every practice session. he accepted no slacking and because he strived for a stunning visual experience of their performances, he put immense effort into leading his team to the top (along with writing/composing their tracks). of course, that required him to play good cop/bad cop and push the members (and himself) to their limits. cardinal energy at it's peak

Libra being a social and partnership-oriented sign, it takes action through relationships and interaction with others, which also explains the heavy influence he had on his team

as much as Libras may be airheads, they are very clever. they constantly analyse and evaluate their relationships and environment, wishing to improve themselves and their surroundings for others

imbalance and unfairness is a no-no⚡

Moon in Pisces

Ah, the soul of a true poet, the spirit of an artist, such is the essence of Hanbin's inner self and it is obviously reflected in his field of work.

Hanbin's quiet, shy and somewhat awkward side is granted by his moon. It may be quite challenging for him to speak about his actual emotions and whatever ups and downs he is experiencing, since it's difficult to understand them all in the first place.

While he is very much concerned about others' emotional well-being and is trying his best to help, reassure and console those who are in need of it, when it comes to his own feelings... It can get really complicated and foggy.

The notable Neptunian influence is bound to hide and confuse whatever it touches and in Hanbin's case, his moon gets overshadowed and is left unable to fully reveal itself. He most likely goes through periods of self-reflection (his Libra energy craving that as well), isolating himself for even just a little bit in order to clear his mind, to detect the roots of his problems and, hopefully, find a solution or at least some inner peace. Whatever it is, understanding himself definitely does not come easy. It's a whole journey that takes him to pretty deep and unclear waters, as Pisces is notoriously complex and multi-facetted. Hanbin's feelings are not just this or that, they are everything at once and go through pretty intense changes on a daily, which is a lot to process. Thus, self-expression in a more emotional sense is not his forte. Yet, that explains why writing down what he feels (music) can be an easier way of opening up to the world.

Accepting failure is most certainly harder for him, since Pisces is a very sensitive sign. In his position, it is important to find the strength to move on, which he does, yet emotional pressure hits him hard and disappointing others is his worst nightmare. In a sense, it can make him feel fragile and helpless, push him into a dark place where he swims for some time, almost drowning, almost surrendering. Melancholy is close to Pisces, as well as getting lost in their own heads, endlessly dreaming, wishing and thinking.

Hanbin has mentioned that he's not especially experienced in the field of love. yet, he has written many songs specifically associated with that. obviously, he draws inspiration from fiction and certain life situations, yet I cannot skip on his imagination. pisces are famous for having visions that are beyond vivid. their minds are full of wonder and distant worlds🌠and romance is a constantly present theme inside those worlds

in other words, the need for love is really prominent. it is a yearning

intuition is strong with this placement

despite being an avid thinker, a pisces moon often acts based on emotion and the heart's desire, rather than logic

sentimental and soft, though he may try to hide it

did someone order pink glasses?🌸💕

Libra Mercury

lovely tone of voice, pleasant manners, charming way of approaching people✨

not a fan of conflicts, he either avoids them or, if the need arises, finds strength to resolve it in the most peaceful way possible

a good example of his mercury in action is "iKON TV" (ep. 7, part 4) where he felt uncomfortable confronting the rude/provocative behavior of a man and wanted to end things on mutual understanding and good terms

afraid of harming people with his words

naturally polite to everyone, wants people to like him

open-minded about new ideas and loves hearing what other people have to say

beauty finds it's way into B.I's speech. again, this serves him well during writing and sometimes public speaking

fairness is a big theme here as well, won't tolerate unjust or foul words towards anyone

his mind is very much set towards the good things and traits in people or the world. it's a rather idealistic perspective, but Libras seek peace and equality within their lives. imbalance or lack of harmony throws them from the right path and that may lead to unwanted moodswings, unusual behavior or an overall negative response from the Libra native🎭

needs a lot of time to make decisions and process things (and especially what side he's on)

Venus in Virgo

highly detail-oriented, especially when it comes to other people

hardly ever satisfied, perfection is everything to him. this goes for himself and others as well

while dealing with a Virgo placement, notice how good they are at helping you improve and develop yourself and your work ethics. they are great at helping people, yet they might not be too good on themselves and their standarts. considering that Virgo is in Hanbin's venus, his standarts in relationships of any kind can be high. he's a selective kind💎 that can be both useful and too much to handle

Virgos show love through service, mostly when in comes to something practical

although this is an earth sign, it is ruled by mercury, which makes B.I not only down-to-earth, hard-working and determined, but also craving communication, variety and fun

enjoys people with a broad mind and diverse personality, someone who never stops learning🚀

considering that venus is in fall in the sign of Virgo, the planet doesn't sit well here. it feels like there's no air for venus to breathe in when trapped in the analytical mind of Virgo, where much emphasis is put on the smaller things and not the bigger picture

tbh writing, information and organizing is basically a turn on

needs loads of time for himself, to organize his throughts, progress, values and work. alone time is a must

highly intellectual. knowledge is power

shy. especially when he likes someone

cares a lot about anything and everything. oftentimes that leads to worry and anxiety, but in severe levels

spends money wisely, is very careful about it. never impulsive spending, thinks it through a lot

responsible

Mars in Leo

oohh, here we go🔥

a very obvious indication of natural leadership skills

mars feels comfortable here, in the fire-y sign of Leo, therefore brings loads of confidence to the table

cocky boi, lets be real

noticeable presence, strong ethics, fixed morals, big desires

takes much pride in his achievements/success and the leo withing him likes to show it off to the world, wear his power like a lion's mane 🦁

winning in life is what he lives for

the stage truly belongs to him, it feels right to be there and shine like a thousand stars, to be loved by many and to, most importantly, spread that love even more like a Leo is prone to do

receives attention quite easily, even if he's not asking for it

since adoration is enjoyable, especially for Leo placements, it is likely he may go out of his way to feel it, to experience the admiration from others. after all, he's a born performer and has all of the creativity to get what he wants🎬

as you can imagine, for a placement like this, losing is not an option. but when that happens, when things don't go well or they unwillingly put shame on their name, it's a big stab in the ego. Leos are never in a good place when they fail, therefore they do anything they can to always end up victorious. otherwise, they won't even compete

embarrassment and humiliation is a big NO

can be quite the drama queen when all worked up about an issue, definitely the type to demonstrate what they're feeling

Hanbin is a frequent gym visitor, which is really good for his Leo mars. that way he can manage his emotions better and calm down his high levels of energy

say hello to !passion!, she loves to be here and boost Hanbin with even more drive for conquering not only his goals, but also his love interests

ultimate hunter award? yeah, you got it

he truly loves to love, spread love, show love, be loved, make love, everything!❤️

big-hearted and very generous, he would share the world with you if he could, or better yet, give it to you🌌

That's it for this goofball🌈 Thank you for reading! I'm really excited to start this series once again (previously done with Monsta X) but now with iKON. Only 6 more members to go!

Hope you're having a lovely day, wherever you are🎈

[impeach-trump2018]

Cole Launius

English 212

Professor Kim Lacey

30 June 2018

Analytical Reflection

            This class was a great surprise for me. I had no idea that the course would be based off of this great book. As I engaged in the reading and further went through the subjects inside with my review of “The Truman Show,” my ability to identify with the surveillance around me grew as I gained more insight and information. The issue at hand is not only a matter of unethical decision making above the governed heads, but also the idea that surveillance and the lack of privacy can create a negative impact on the human condition. Surveillance culture is exemplified in today’s society primarily through films, music, and art, and informative pieces all in which I intend to dive into as I examine and reflect on a world surrounded by the camera lens.

          I think that ethically speaking we can all agree that it is wrong to invade someone else’s personal space. According to information from The University of Tennessee at Martin, surveillance involves paying close attention to someone else, and to me that is another reason it is made unethical because everyone deserves their own space and privacy and by watching closely, that perimeter is destroyed. It is annoying to find yourself being watched by the overhead camera in the local Walmart or VG’s, but when someone gets close to you it rekindles a different kind of emotion. One that makes you question the persons upbringing and their morals to go along with it. “Stop reading my texts,” your friend yells as you lean back into your seat in the car. Why do you feel the need to read what I am saying? Why are you so interested in my conversations? Did your parents teach you any manners? It becomes more of an issue of ethics than it does about us solely being watched and recorded for other purposes. Trust and privacy go hand and hand, and when someone’s privacy is compromised by the public environment, they tend to lose trust and have more opposition. In an example from a clip from “The Dark Knight,” Batman attempts to link all cell phones in the city together to create a virtual map to find his objective.

          Surveillance changes the way people act around each other and in public especially. For a moment I had reacted with such hostility when I first had discovered that I was constantly being watched and others reassured me that I no longer had any privacy. I would stand taller, push out my chest and walk like I had just done a great workout at the gym. I am a very big fan of Hip-Hop and moreover I have noted that most of the artists that I listen to have a gig for fashion. They are always wearing something extravagant in the spotlight. Said perfectly by 2 Chainz in one of his songs, “Feds Watching,” he states that he will be dressed accordingly if they are watching him. This is most definitely interesting because he chooses to boast about changing his view under surveillance because I am sure he wears sweatpants lounging around the house. Another unfortunate way that people change and act differently when being watched is in a show called “Hansen Vs Predator.” In this show Chris Hansen creates a fake meet up with creeps on the internet and then interviews them right on the spot to find out why they choose to do what they do and try to trap young children. When watching the predator as Chris enters the room, his facial expression changes so quickly, you know he knows something went wrong, and that now he is being watched very closely.

          A few pictures I happen to come across on the global web reminded me that those cameras we see in our peripheral are not about just keeping us out of danger and harm’s way, but it is about the politicians, according to Mike Harris from The Telegraph. And I also agree, that anything related to the law never is about the people first, but the ones who put it into effect. The first image scripted, “We need rules that limit our leaders’ power more than we need rules that limit our rights.” I really felt as if I related to this quote or even wrote it because it seems like a thought that would come screaming out of my head in the middle of the night. How doesn’t everyone in the world agree with what this says? It makes more than complete sense, think about it. If we live in a democracy, then we have the ultimate say, yet we don’t, and we are still under claims as a democracy. If the people truly had the power, not power restricted by congressmen, we could change the way things are imposed on us all and put the spotlight on the ones who get to make the big decisions. Another photo that I saw was more of a political cartoon if anything, but it still recreated the idea of militant opposition towards the government. The cartoon was an army ranger pointing a gun to an unarmed victim, with the victim saying not to shoot, but also the ranger looking back at a tv recorder saying, “don’t shoot!”  The irony of this situation is also a great factor and a reason why I chose to include it. You are pointing a gun at someone, yet yelling at a camera not to record? Sounds like something fishy is going on.

          In life today people and companies, and the government use surveillance in other ways as well. One common way surveillance is utilized in today’s economy is that there is a lot of online traffic so app developers share information gained from watching users and allow them to shape apps and clothing and shopping related goods to a specific audience and you could be targeted depending on what you post. You may post different things to avoid this then becoming someone you’re not. This is called social sorting when companies take advantage of your information that you post to social media sites. There are also other ways that surveillance can cause change within someone. For example, if your co-worker is staring at you everyday after work, you might get a new car, or park in a different spot to get away from the state of being watched in your own space.

          Cell phones, iPads, MacBooks and cameras have taken over the life of the youth. Then there are memes which have taken over the internet. What is ironic is that as the amount of surveillance in the world increases, the more we joke about being watched and create memes about it on our social media sites. But the fact that we are creating jokes and messing around with being watched and surveilled by the government and others is kind of scary. Why are we joking about having zero sense of privacy around us and for others? That is unnatural and strange, and it is upsetting to think that everyone else in society has come to accept being watched all of the time. Surveillance has had its way weaving into everyones lives so easily because it was not a choice but an unfortunate and irreversible consequence.

 Works Cited

 Always, Clean Music, director. 2 Chainz - Feds Watching. YouTube, YouTube, 7 July

          2013, www.youtube.com/watch?v=-pkd2lUxwQE.

Borg, Anna. “EurWORK European Observatory of Working Life.” Finland: Wage

          Formation | Eurofound, 31 July 2014, www.eurofound.europa.eu/observatories/

          eurwork/articles/working-conditions/impact-of-electronic-surveillance-in-the-

          workplace.

Daily, Crime Watch, director. Hansen Vs Predator. YouTube, YouTube, 15 Sept. 2016,

          www.youtube.com/watch?v=VOBgE10sEQE.

DeGeurin, Mack. “Mass Surveillance Memes Show Our Collective Anxiety Over

          Government Spying.” Motherboard, Motherboard, 2 Apr. 2018,

          motherboard.vice.com/en_us/article/zmg3ky/surveillance-memes-nsa-fbi-

          facebook.

Ellis, Daniel, director. Bragging Gone Wrong. YouTube, YouTube, 21 Apr. 2015,

          www.youtube.com/watch?v=TZ9kKgZ0-pM.

Gleisner, David. “This Is My Jam: Government Surveillance Memes.” Are There Really

          3,700 Abortions Each Day in the U.S.?, North by Northwestern, 29 Jan. 2018,

          www.northbynorthwestern.com/story/this-is-my-jam-government-surveillance-

          memes/.

Harris, Mike. “The Politics of Surveillance Are about Politics, Not Keeping Us Safe.”

          The Telegraph, Telegraph Media Group, 4 Nov. 2015, www.telegraph.co.uk/news/

          uknews/crime/11975759/The-politics-of-surveillance-are-about-politics-not-

          keeping-us-safe.html.

Legend, Dark, director. The Dark Knight. YouTube, YouTube, 10 Dec. 2015,

          www.youtube.com/watch?v=IRELLH86Edo.

Macnish, Kevin. “Surveillance Ethics.” Internet Encyclopedia of Philosophy, 2008,

          www.iep.utm.edu/surv-eth/.

Moran, Sean. “Surveillance Ethics.” Philosophy Now: a Magazine of Ideas, Philosophy

          Now, 2015, philosophynow.org/issues/110/Surveillance_Ethics.

Munn, Nathan. “How Mass Surveillance Harms Societies and Individuals - and What

          You Can Do About It.” CJFE | Canadian Journalists for Free Expression, 8 Nov.

          2016, www.cjfe.org            how_mass_surveillance_harms_societies_and_individuals_and_what_you_can_d

o_about_it.

OB, Andres, director. Robert Downey Jr. Blooper. YouTube, YouTube, 18 July 2015,

          www.youtube.com/watch?v=nCC5SfQHOfo.

Shaw, Jonathan. “The Watchers.” Harvard Magazine, Harvard Magazine, 18 Dec. 2016,

          harvardmagazine.com/2017/01/the-watchers.

Wang, Victoria, et al. “Surveillance and Identity: Conceptual Framework and Formal

          Models | Journal of Cybersecurity | Oxford Academic.” OUP Academic, Oxford

          University Press, 15 Dec. 2017, academic.oup.com/cybersecurity/article/

          3/3/145/4748787.

[kit-kat-draws2798-blog]

Thought I would show you guys my oldest oc that I've had for about four years now ^^ I hope you like him ^^ (Note: I'm sorry that it's really long lol Along with my horrible spelling and grammar) ~BASIC INFO~ Full Name: Alexander (Peyton) Gray Meaning of name: Latinized form of the Greek name Αλεξανδρος (Alexandros), which meant "defending men" from Greek αλεξω (alexo) "to defend, help" and ανηρ (aner) "man" Nickname(s): Alex, Al, (More tba) Code Name: Silent Hunter (May change) Gender: Male Age: 21 years old Date of Birth: 12/21/?? Place of Birth: Ashenfall Race/Species: Half human half demon (Shapeshifter) Native language: English Languages spoken: English, various demon languages, latin, etc. The demon knows many languages, so it gives him various different options. Orientation/Sexual Preference: Pansexual/romantic Zodiac Sign: Sagittarius Religion: N/A Occupation: Military soldier/ Bodyguard. He likes to call it glorified baby sitting. Are They Dead: Nope ~MEDICAL INFO~ Blood type: O Do they have a mental disorder?: Yes If so what is it?: Dissociative Identity Disorder (Aka Multiple personality disorder) Symptoms: Occasional suicidal tendencies Night terrors Anxiety (Usually keeps it to himself and lets it fester in his head) Psychotic-like symptoms Self-sabotage Memory loss Etc Phobia(s): The color white Holy objects (They are painful man-) Anything that resembles surgical tools Doctors/Scientists Etc Allergies: Dust Habits: Paces when he’s stressed or nervous Spaces out a lot Taps feet and fingers Powers/Special Abilities/Skills: Can use most types in magic: A jack of all trades in this area. Is a pretty good hacker He can see people’s souls as dots. Spirits have outlines. He has a strange sense of smell in which he can tell people apart: by smell alone Shape shifting (Uses a lot of magic though, so he only does it when necessary) He can also change his voice when he shapeshifts. It gives the illusion that he's that person or thing. However he needs to see what the person looks like and hear their voice to be as accurate as possible ~APPEARANCE~ Height: 6’4 ft Weight: 190 lbs Hair color: Golden blonde Hairstyle: Medium straight hair Eye color: Light blue. (When being puppeted/when his eye “bugs” out, he has a mark on his left eye. He usually keeps it covered with an eye patch though) He has bags under his eyes due to lack of sleep. Piercings: Has two silver earrings on each ear. Scars/Weird Marking(s): Self harm scars on both his wrists. Large cuts/ scars extending from his shoulders down to his hips on his back. The parasite that he is a host to has the ability to reopen them and generally it makes it worse. He bites at his right wrist/hand a lot, so it leaves scars and open wounds Birthmark: Has a mark on the back of his neck that resembles a simplified rose Skin: Porcelain Clothing/Style: Shown on ref ^^ Jewelry/Accessories: Small brown bag, bandanna, and the four earrings on his ears. Scent: Calla lily mixed with a bit of blood (The Calla lily represents his innocence and the blood represents corruption) Weapon(s): The sword on his back and a custom gun that was given to him by his father Physical Disorder/Disability: With his right hand pretty much always being injured, it hinders his ability to use both of his hands effectively. Never Seen Without: Small brown bag/ gun holster on hip, his sword, a purple handkerchief, bandages, and if you’re able to see it, perscription pills. Strengths: He is very agile and light, so he can move very quickly Is very clever and can get himself out of a pinch Heals faster than a normal person and even grow back limbs if severely injured (But still takes a while. Especially the limbs. Those take months.) He has a sense that can detect a person's aura. It varies on whose arua it is. But when he talks about it, he describes it as a “smell”. It makes it hard for anyone/thing to escape, but not impossible. Can find information pretty easily, as he has a good hacking skill. Often goes on the deep web. Uses his shapeshifting ability to his advantage. Often does it for info or for getting out of a tight spot. Weaknesses: His mind can be weak and is sometimes easy to control when his mind is unstable (hypnotism, mind control, etc.) Can die from severe wounds if they aren’t treated (blade, gun, etc. It’s very unlikely though.) If he uses a lot of magic he becomes sick (Varies with the amount used. Ex: If was fairly low, he just has headaches. If high then he feels very nauseous and may be unable to move from that and extreme pain. It can even kill him if he uses it too much and/or too often) He also has this being that calls itself Airice “living” inside his shadow. It is this demonic being that loves to kill and destroys things. If it wants to do anything, it must posses his body. If irritated enough it’ll injure him until he’s weak enough for it to take over. Or sometimes Alex just lets it because he doesn’t feel like struggling. If you hurt certain people he cares about, he will lose all train of thought and will attack you mercilessly. He will not care about himself in the slightest. Is really dense, in the sense he often cannot tell how others truly feel about him. He thinks most people hate him. He has in his head that he's worthless, so why would anyone really care about him as a person? (Also he has a huge weakness for cute things. It’s really bad because if it’s cute, he doesn’t hurt it first. Even if he senses that it’s dangerous. Such a bad habit.) ~PERSONALITY~ Overall: Reserved and quiet at first Very much a gentleman (To most people) With people he’s comfortable with, he’ll be really outgoing and loud Bubbly and childish Get’s overprotective and clingy to people he’s really close to Gets jealous easily Naturally curious person Loves to tease Has a hard time hating people, even if they have wronged him at some point (Currently only despises 3 people out of the dozens he knows) Can be really dense when it comes to how people feel about him Very intelligent Holds grudges with people he really doesn’t like Likes: Anything cute, family/friends, sweets, nature, really bad/cringy puns, etc Dislikes: Airice, isolation, the color white, His father, Dead silence, medical equipment, himself... Hobbies: Listening to music, Running, Reading, etc Flaws: Anxious often Childish (Can be good or bad) Overly Emotional (When it involves someone he cares about) Can be overprotective at times Wary for the most part around strangers Withdrawn from almost everything Extreme clean freak Impish Clingy af Can be somewhat lustful Pet Peeve: People being late Methods of execution: When he has to, Alex will eliminate targets for very reasons. Whether it be personal or not. From one to four, is his most ¨prefered¨ to least ¨prefered¨ A bullet through the head or anywhere else that kills instantly Magic related death (The ones that are quick) Stabbing or slicing with his sword (He mostly has it for tight spots and an intimidation factor) Magic related death (The ones that are slow and painful. Ex: Burning) Targets To Killing: Men and women can be the victims (Ages can vary). Rarely children are victims. Doesn’t have a specific type of victim, he usually kills to survive or if he is forced to. Crush/Greatest Love: Emily Scott -Low key is kinda obsessed and really protective of her. You hurt her- or even try to- he will murder you without question Love Song: You’re Mine - Disturbed Theme Song: Tba Battle Song: Tba ~PERSONALITY 2~ Name: Angel “Age”: 17 years old Gender: Female Overall: Hard working with tasks given to her or even stuff she plans on doing on her own will Energetic: Has a hard time sitting down and prefers to move around Adventurous: Goes hand in hand with her being daring and unable to sit down Daring: Often takes risks just for fun Independent: Doesn’t need people to help her with things Realistic: Tries not to be too fanciful with her desires Droll: Despite being serious and rude most of the time, she does crack jokes sometimes. However they usually aren’t exactly that nice Sarcastic: Angel always seems to sound sarcastic and she does this on purpose to confuse people. Solitary: Usually likes to be by herself since she doesn’t really like others. Stubborn: She likes it to be her way or nothing at all. This makes her hard to work with. Whimsical: Uses magic abilities to mess with others and trick them. Likes: Going out, exploring new areas, fire-, watching or being part of destruction,Cold weather, Adam, etc Dislikes: People in general, sleeping, the Underworld (The Dry & hot area), etc Hobbies: Exploaration Training Flaws: Arrogant Blunt Bold Aggressive Hot Headed Brash Asocial Doesn’t always think, so she sometimes does stupid things Pet Peeve: Loud, Obnoxious people Method of execution: When she has to, Angel will eliminate targets for very reasons. Whether it be personal or not. She usually does stealth attacks or just straight up stabbing. Targets To Killing: No one in particular Crush/Greatest Love: N/A Theme Song: Tba Battle Song: Tba ~PERSONALITY 3~ Name: Alvy “Age”: 29 years old Gender: Male Overall: Distant and cold: Doesn’t like social interaction unless it benefits him in some shape or form Often comes off as emotionless; Robotic like most of the time. It’s rare to see him give you a genuine smile Calculative/analytical Holds grudges quite easily Highly intelligent Has a seemingly never ending curiosity for everything Becomes bored easily Has a slight ego Likes: Learning, phonominas, exciting events, interesting or unusual people, etc Dislikes: Not doing anything productive, others that try to get in his way, etc Hobbies: Hacking, researching into various topics, etc Flaws: Very cold and emotionless Doesn’t always abide by regular morals Doesn’t know social norms that well, so he comes of as kind of an alien Pet Peeve: Stupid or idiotic people Method of execution: “It’s a waste of time to kill things. I’d rather be looking into other things than that.” Targets To Killing: N/A Crush/Greatest Love: I don’t think it’s possible for him to really grasp the way people see love as. He probably just thinks it’s nothing special and he doesn’t really need it. Love Song: Tba Theme Song: Tba Battle Song: Tba ~PERSONALITY 4~ Name: Aaron “Age”: ??? Gender: Male..? Overall: Quiet and softspoken Nothing else is known about him. He doesn’t really emote or even speak, just moves around silently. Everyone just assumed he was a mute until someone actually heard him speak. That one person has been the only one to have actually heard his voice. Likes: ?? Dislikes: ?? Hobbies: Flaws: Gets overly aggressive to the point of destroying almost everything around him Pet Peeve: ? Method of execution: Tearing apart things with telekinesis Targets To Killing: It really doesn’t matter Crush/Greatest Love: …? Love Song: Tba Theme Song: Tba Battle Song: Tba {Note: There’s nothing really here because he doesn’t come out as much as the others and he just doesn’t show much personality in general} ~FAMILY~ (Mother/Father/Sibling/Grandparents/etc)~ Name: Rachel Gray (Mother, Alive) Age: 41 Gender: Female Hair Style: Medium, in a bun Hair Color: Blonde Eyes Color: Baby blue _ View On Him/Her: Alex barely remembers anything about her. Angel, Alvy and Aaron never got to know her Name: Christopher Gray (Father, alive) Age: 42 Gender: Male Hair Style: Longish, baggy Hair Color: Dark chocolate Eyes Color: Emerald green _ View On Him/Her: Alex has very conflicted feelings on him. On one hand he ruined his life, on the other he constantly hopes that Chris would go back to the way he was when he was a kid. Even though Alex knows that he probably won’t. Angel enjoys his company every once and awhile. Otherwise she doesn't care for him. Aaron heavily dislikes him. Aly loves being around him since they pretty much have the same mind set. Name: Jackson Gray (older brother, alive) Age: 22 Gender: Male Hair Style: Medium Hair Color: Dark chocolate Eyes Color: Hazel _ View On Him/Her: He forgives him for what he did, and deeply cares about him. Angel however despises him. He gives her a bad vibe. Aaron doesn’t care for him Alvy: Who..? Age: Adam Gray (twin, alive) Gender: Male Hair Style: Medium/long shaggy Hair Color: Blonde/golden Eyes Color: Bright blue _ View On Him/Her: Loves him to fuckin death. The end. ---Sincerely Alex and Angel Aaron doesn’t really care. Alvy finds him useful. Name: Selene Thomas (Adopted sister, Alive) Age: 19 Gender: Female Hair Style: Short, very floof Hair Color: Black Eyes Color: Yellow _ View On Him/Her: He really enjoys her company. He views her as his little sister. Angel kinda likes her. Aaron can tolerate her presence. Alvy: ¨....What a weak minded girl. At least she can be useful when she's needed.¨ ~Best friend~ Name: Emily Scott (Alive) Age: 20 Gender: Female Hair Style: Long Hair Color: Brown Eyes Color: Dark indigo _ View On Him/Her: He cares deeply for her. Wouldn’t want to live without her. He can’t live without her... Angel doesn’t really care for her all that much. Aaron “…” Alvy finds her to be...interesting. Pet(s): Katrina Backstory: WIP AF ~Notes~ Has severe memory loss. He can barely remember some things in his childhood, along with the people that where there. The only people he can vividly remember are his family and his best friend, Emily. Everyone and everything else is a complete blur. He’s a experiment. His number was A-121. Angel has only been around since he was 11 Alvy and Aaron came in shortly after His magic can become unstable if he loses control- it could lead to his death if not stabilized. Alex’s intended purpose in the experiments was to be a tracker/spy/stalker The Lurker also messes with the host’s body tem, this is higher than what’s considered normal and doesn’t get cold easily. Although he has a higher chance of overheating. He occasionally makes dolls and inserts wandering souls in them. He usually gives them to Coraline (A wip character) but he has kept a couple to use for himself. He currently has three. Has a special room in his home where he keeps all of his findings and security cameras. It’s hidden however. Sometimes his marked eye “bugs” out and is occasionally visible even if Alex is in control His marked eye makes his vision sharper, but kinda makes him color blind. He has a collection of dolls he made to mimic his family and friends. He made it so they act exactly how the person that the doll portrays. They can be used as voodoo dolls, but he mostly uses them when he gets lonely. I may edit this later, because he is still a work and progress. But he’s mostly done. Alexander Gray and Art(c) @kit-kat-draws2798

[rainbowravioli]

yoi characters in hogwarts houses?

Oh no, not the Hogwarts houses discourse! Anon why would you throw me on a minefield like this?

Ok, disclaimer: Interpretation of Hogwarts house traits and of character is always going to be debatable. The very system is flawed anyway and anyone can fit into more than one house (and nobody fits every single trait of a house). These are my personal opinions, you are free to disagree. Please don’t attack me over anything here.

Yuuri

My first instinct with Yuuri is to look at his noticeable Hufflepuff traits. He is determined, tenacious and very hard-working. I know it may feel redundant to call a character in a sports anime hard-working, but this is a trait that’s specifically emphasized with Yuuri. We are told he spent all his free time at the rink, he’s eager to practice and learn, he’s dedicated. He’s also patient and tolerant, we see this in the ways he deals with the people around him (just look at his entire relationship with Yurio). He’s very practical and honest. There’s also that side of Hufflepuffs where they are basically Hobbits, with the love of comfort, food, home, family and living things, that fits Yuuri too. And even though Yuuri is very close-off towards people he doesn’t know well, he has shown compassion and worry over fellow competitors he wasn’t friends with. He’s also terribly humble but I honestly see that as coming more of a result of his anxiety and imposter syndrome so I don’t really count it.

That said, Yuuri also shows a very strong Gryffindor side. He does have a tendency to get too self-absorbed when in competition mode. Yuuri is a very competitive person and hates backing down. Being around Victor I think also brought out a side of Yuuri he tends to repress. Where he is usually meek and docile (and we see this in flashbacks too with how he never went against Celestino’s decisions or fought for what he wanted), being around Victor progressively makes him show more of his bolder, impulsive side. He is stubborn, passionate and daring, and often lets his emotions gets the better of him. Deciding to add a quad flip in the middle of his routine with no previous practice was a very Gryffindor move; taking risks without thinking them through or consider consequences. Gryffindor is also the house that seeks external validation the most and wants to prove themselves. While Yuuri wants to win and that can be seen as ambition, I feel like it’s not enough to push him towards Slytherin. After all, it’s a sports anime, they all want to win. What’s important is how and why. Yuuri’s desire to win is centered on personal achievement and overcoming his own shortcomings. He also gives priority to other things, and even other people, over winning. See how he didn’t hesitate to tell Victor to go back to Japan to be with Makkachin even though it put him at a disadvantage, and how he was willing to quit the sport altogether no matter the GPF results if it meant not holding Victor back. Yuuri is also very brave in the sense that every time he goes out on the ice he is facing and battling his fears and anxiety head-on.

So I lean Hufflepuff but the Gryffindor is certainly very much there. I would say he’s a Gryffindor with strong Puff traits. 

Victor

The obvious choice for Victor would Slytherin. Now here’s someone who uses any means to achieve their ends. Victor did neglect his own life to ensure he would stay at the top of the figure skating world. He is resourceful, self-reliant, cunning and ambitious. He’s also a perfectionist and has a high sense of self-preservation. Willing to take risks and be an interventionist, but they are always calculated risks with care that it will ultimately hold high benefits  - see his entire skating career and his decision to coach Yuuri. He also has that bonus enjoyment of elegance and the finer things in life.

That aside, I would like to introduce you to the concept of Ravenclaw Victor. He actually has a lot of Ravenclaw to him, so much so that in an hypothetical Hogwarts AU I think he would be happier there than in Slytherin. Victor is very curious and he loves learning, as we see from his time in Hasetsu and his interactions with Yuuri. Loves surprises, is attracted to the new and unknown and focused on the future. He is analytical and logical, contrary to how a lot of the fandom likes to portray him, but also very creative and artistic. He is always thinking about how he can be innovative and elevate his craft. While he is a logical person and more introspective than people give him credit for, Victor also leans towards being a bit of an airhead sometimes (or absent-minded, if you prefer - see his memory problems and such) and can certainly be quirky with his social interactions when he lets loose and just acts like himself. 

I understand why the fandom tends to sort him into Slytherin, but I’ll admit I’m quite fond of Ravenclaw Victor. I think he has strong traits from both houses but would be much happier and at home in Ravenclaw.

Yurio

Yurio is literally willing to sell his soul and body for the sake of winning. That’s as ‘uses any means to achieve their ends’ as it gets. Something about our resident beloved Russians and Slytherin I guess. It’s really no wonder he would share many traits of the house with Victor. After all, the narrative does set Yurio up with be Victor Nikiforov 2.0. Ambitious, resourceful, ruthless, adaptable, willing to go to any lengths to achieve personal glory. A true baby Slytherin in the making. Yurio also carries that Slytherin trait of looking out for himself above all else but also for the ones closest to him. Think of it as his agape arc. Yurio has to learn about unconditional love, but this is not ever portrayed as an universal love, it’s love for a very closed off group of people he accepts into his life. It’s not like he ever learned to love JJ. Which is another Slytherin thing to do, not care about people he doesn’t know or who he doesn’t consider to be his peers. 

That said, if I were to pick another house for Yurio, I would actually go for Gryffindor. Yurio is very impulsive, stubborn, confident and extremely blunt. He always deals with situations very directly and is not afraid to get into fights, even welcomes them. Has a very black and white morality and that lack of respect for authority that’s very characteristic of Gryffindors. Like Yuuri, he also seeks external validation and praise and is determined to prove himself. He is also very defensive of the people who matter to him.

So I think he would be sorted in Slytherin (might even ask to be sorted there, especially in a Slytherin!Victor scenario) but he would do alright in Gryffindor too.

That covers up our three mains. It’s easier to talk at length about them and even talk about secondary houses since they are so developed. For the other characters (rest of the skaters) I’ll be much more brief.

Phichit - Hufflepuff. Sociable, cheerful, loyal, kind, hardworking and with a lot of pride in his country. While he wants to make history and prove himself, his desire to advance and win is very tied to his country. His dream is to have an ice skating show with his friends to show everyone in Thailand how fun skating can be. Very concerned with his community, even if he does show a lot of personal pride and has a very mischievous streak. 

Minami - Gryffindor. Highly emotional, extroverted, energetic, daring and honest. Seeks external validation and praise. Not afraid to confront Yuuri even though he is his idol.

Guang Hong - Gryffindor. Entirely based on his imagined scenario for himself during his free skate. He was willing to take a bullet for a friend in his imagination after all. I’ll admit this is a difficult one though. I’ve seen a few Hufflepuff sortings because he seems shy and sweet but he’s too much of a slacker to be a Puff. 

Leo - Ravenclaw. Artistic, very original and open minded, does his own thing. Could also be Hufflepuff since he seems to care for his friends a lot and just wants to ‘fill the world with things he likes’. 

Georgi - Ravenclaw. He’s too artistic, and has a very serious approach to both his skating and relationships. Focused on the future, doesn’t confront his problems directly, tends towards daydreaming. Could also be a Gryffindor because of all that emotion and passion, but Ravenclaws are not necessarily lacking in being emotional either.

Chris - Ravenclaw. Intelligent, creative (he says he designed his own programs), moves at his own pace, inquisitive, witty, individualistic but open-minded. He does have that ambition and ruthlessness of the Slytherins though. 

Mila - Gryffindor. Confident, blunt, humorous, friendly, loves to tease Yurio but is very concerned and caring for her rinkmates. 

Seung-gil - Ravenclaw. A bit too close-minded for one but very logical and analytical, more of an observer, individualistic and independent, introspective, cynical. 

Michelle - Gryffindor. Stubborn, chivalrous, passionate, hero complex, overprotective, daring, black and white morality.

Sara - Ravenclaw. Free-spirited, curious, open-minded, focused on the future, seeks to be independent. Could also be Gryffindor as she does share traits with her brother such as being stubborn and confident, and also for being extroverted and caring while not afraid of confrontation.

Emil - Hufflepuff. Friendly, hard-working, genuine, tolerant, non-confrontational and dependable. Dedicated to loved ones, cares more about cheering for his friends than for his own performance, is very relaxed about the competition.

JJ - Gryffindor. Very confident, extroverted, headstrong and blunt. Impulsive, tendency to run his mouth without thinking about what he’s saying. Hero complex, desires personal glory. Passionate, seeks external validation. He is very ambitious and prideful but he always places as much importance in his own personal achievements as he does in the support and love of his community and loved ones.

Otabek - Slytherin. Willing to do whatever it takes to achieve success, ambitious, self-reliant, resourceful, realistic, adaptable, highly selective loyalty, looks after himself and his own, values tradition and history, very selective with who he socializes with and cares about, admires strength and elegance. 

[adhd-ahamilton]

Joy To The World, 1, 4 and 5!

Hoo boy, so many questions!!! I hope you’re prepared for the deluge that’s gonna result...~ I’ll answer these tonight and finish the ones in the other messages tomorrow morning!

1. What inspired you to write the fic this way?

So. Over the last five or so years I’ve been writing fic, in all but the second year, I’ve written a special Christmas-related fic for Christmas. (And I did two the first year, so.) Christmas is a really important holiday to me and I really love Christmas-related stuff (the cheesier and sillier the better), so it became kind of a tradition. But this year, I was at a little bit of a loss. I knew I wanted to write Lams, because that’s my big thing right now. But how would I write Christmas Lams? Did they even properly ‘celebrate’ Christmas during that time period?? Or should I just go for an AU?

I researched it, and thankfully it turns out that the 18th century is around when people did start to celebrate Christmas in the modern sense (and it’s also when carols really started to come about, which is great because per tradition all my Christmas fic are titled after a carol), but that was just the beginning of the issue. When exactly would it be set? Valley Forge? But, uh... I highly doubted they would be really doing all that much at that point. But I couldn’t really think of any time outside of Lams AU that they’d be together. (And then I found out afterwards that Ham wasn’t even there for Christmas 1777, so, welp.) And I really couldn’t think of any kind of actual plot. I could have done a kind of meditation on their relationships to religion, but I didn’t know that much about which specific form of Christianity they belonged to, and I thought it was something that could be and HAD been done much better by other people. (Plus that’s not really my fave kind of fic to write to begin with.)

So, it wasn’t really working out that well. But still, I really kept trying. Through November, my working plan became almost set in stone: I’d do a combined historical and modern AU fic, switching back and forth between scenes, comparing themes (supply lists in VF compared with finding money for food over Christmas break in modern AU), sorta casually looking at the differences. When I gave it up, it was partly out of lack of interest in the themes, but my conscious reason was ‘I just don’t really care about modern AU Lams.’

...which came to the crux of the problem all along: I’m not really an AU person. Or rather, I’m very not an AU person. I’ve written very few AUs in my time, and almost all of them were historical AUs - certainly not modern day ones, and definitely not school AUs. I don’t have any, like, moral opposition - I can fully appreciate the transformative potential of full-setting AUs and find very interesting the interdependent communities that develop around AU-heavy fandoms as they essentially create their own accepted canons - but I just...don’t tend to like them. I’m very analytical!! The idea of just...MAKING UP not just one character or setting but basically a whole story just always seemed simultaneously too easy and too hard to me!!! Plus, I like to write really interesting and unusual things and try new styles, and one of the most basic points of interests for me in writing is asking what makes these characters and relationships unique, based on their precise personalities and backstories and combinations of traits. None of that lends well to full-setting AUs.

But. As I was mulling this terrible problem over, as usual, I was also running over in my head all kinds of various different characterisation ideas. This time, I was thinking about how it was interesting that Hamilton always seemed to be written in opposition to Henry Laurens, when IRL it seems they had a pretty decent acquaintanceship. And I was thinking about it, and I really started to think that, actually, someone in Hamilton’s point of view - who was constantly abandoned by his father, and desperate for his attention, and incredibly ambitious despite the circumstances of his birth - would be one of the WORST people to understand that an overly-controlling, overly-interested father who expects extremely highly of his son could be a negative influence. Which also added to another thought I’d been having. I always liked one quote from Chernow, that Laurens must have seen in Hamilton what a man who makes himself can do, and it always made me think that Hamilton must have been the same way - that he must have seen in Laurens the man he had always aimed to be. So, Laurens grew up in a good family, acknowledged and promoted by said family, with plenty of money and a great deal of opportunity. To Hamilton... yeah, it’d definitely be hard for him to see the problems with that. (And, you know, there IS a lot of privilege there!! It’s just, y’know, that mental illness doesn’t always listen to that.) But, those thoughts were kinda moot, because I really couldn’t think of any way to contrast these different experiences with fathers in historical verse.

And that’s when it came to me. What if I did a modern AU where Hamilton came down to visit the Laurens family for Christmas?

I didn’t have the time (or, really, the interest) to develop a full-on world for everyone, and a uni AU just seemed to be the most appropriate for this one, anyway. And it also did have a bit of appeal: it always kinda bugged me that in the AUs I read, Hamilton and Laurens never seemed to be studying law, even though that’s historically what they did do. As a law grad, I figured I might as well be the one to write it. (Though law in Australia is p different from in the US - there’s no separate law school, we just study it straight out of high school like anything else - but whatever.) And once I was doing THAT, it was hard for me to escape the fact that, in the real world, studying law hadn’t...exactly always been the best experience for me. Given that Laurens didn’t really want to study it either, it seemed appropriate to lean on those experiences a bit.

Aaand that’s where we really get to the meat of the inspiration behind it, heh. Which is to say: this is possibly the most autobiographical thing I’ve ever written...? I’ll say outright that a lot of it WAS entirely invented - my relationship with my family is nothing like John’s was in this, at all. But my anxieties over studying, and my worries about the future and what a career in law would lead to... yeah, that came from me haha. Because, to get kind of personal about it... well, I graduated July 2015. And in the time since then, I have been employed for about 2.5? months, total. The job scene here, in general and especially for law grads, is just that bad. (And, uh, there was a fair bit of personal fault in my lack of preparation for after I’d graduate? But, seriously, I was really anxious already...) And ever since then - particularly 2016 to the present - I’ve also had a lot of anxiety and depression and stuff going on. At the time I wrote the fic, it was in a position of leaning worse rather than better. So...I honestly don’t know if there was ever, like, a dispassionate fic in there safely cordoned off from my own projections, but if there was, it didn’t last long.

So, I got the idea, and wrote it all up pretty quickly in early December, just kinda ridin’ that catharsis of getting all that stuff out. (And it turned out to be even more relevant than I thought, as ‘trying to enjoy Christmas like you usually do when you’re really not happy’ also ended up a very autobiographical theme.) And that’s how it happened!

As for one or two other things:

I really really didn’t wanna get too into politics in the fic lmao. I don’t feel comfortable with more than the broadest strokes of Hamilton’s beliefs (I’m gonna GET THERE but Im still well rev-verse in Chernow) and I always feel uncomfortable about portraying historical figure in any better light than they deserve when it comes to specific matters. But I also wanted to have Laurens and Hamilton at least as POC because I also think it’s important to increase racial diversity in fanfic in the rare cases that we really get a clear choice. So, I tried to kinda portray that without really getting detailed about any activist stuff or whatever. Which is why in Ham’s argument with Henry he’s really not siding with anyone, he’s just an economics wonk who gets mad when people on both sides of the political aisle don’t make sure their numbers add up, lol. That was my best compromise. (And Philly kinda nudged me when I still got too far off-course;; haha!)

Hamilton has ADHD because: again, I wanted to actually officially write up neurodivergent characters into fic when I had the option of being specific (my Ham is always neurodivergent but obv I can’t explicitly write that into the text of historical verse), and it’s ADHD because......well, I could write a really long thing about that alone lmfao. And I feel like I kind of should in some ways because I know that a lot of people aren’t rly familiar with how ADHD tends to actually, like, feel, for real-life people, and if you aren’t then I KNOW this must sound like a really arbitrary or misguided HC. And I’d really love to write it up and expand education and all, but. It’s also something that hits really close and personal for me and, as someone who can be anxious for days straight over opening entirely innocuous tumblr messages... I just DK I could do it, atm;;;;; Someday I will though, I hope!!! (Tho I will say that I’m totally for all neurodivergent Ham HCs and that honestly my Classic Ham is also influenced by BD and BPD things so I’m p flexible about it.) (Actually I guess I CAN say that my HCs for Ham all involve disorders with extreme moods and mood swings and stuff and ADHD in its lesser known symptoms can absolutely include that, esp with Rejection-Sensitive Dysphoria, so yeah. That’s basically the large part of my reason for that headcanon right there lol.)

4. What's your favorite line of dialogue? 

HM OH MAN, I’m not sure!!! Lemme skim it again real quick.

In terms of sheer characterisation efficiency, I always liked the idea of Henry Laurens’ introductory sentence being to complain about John not calling often enough. It’s just such a perfect combination of a) genuinely cares about his son and wants to hear from him, and b) is an asshole who has no idea whatsoever of the pressure he’s putting on his son without offering any concurrent praise or reassurance. 

...so yeah I think I’ll leave it at that actually, since this thing is long enough already lol.

5. What part was hardest to write?

I was sitting here trying hard to remember if I really had trouble writing any part of the draft because there was one bit where I stalled briefly but it wasn’t really that bad and I couldn’t even really remember it and apart from that it was super smooth...until I remembered that editing counts as writing. And hoo fucking boy.

I was lucky enough to be able to have my fic beta-ed by Philly! Which I’m super grateful for and the fic is undoubtedly better for it! But it was a really difficult process for me because of my anxiety. And I needed to do it rather quickly, because of course I had to have it finished before Christmas, and my family actually was going away for Christmas where we wouldn’t have internet access.

So I get through almost all of the fic. It’s finally almost done. And then right at the end there’s a bit where Alex and John quickly exchange gifts on Christmas morning. Super short scene. And Philly pointed out that, actually, wouldn’t the rest of the family be taken-aback at them exchanging gifts without them?

And I kind of read that and sat back and. that was right. That was 100% correct. So like. What do I do??? Do I involve the other characters? But the original scene was like, three lines. and I don’t wanna have to write a whole new scene lmao. Do I take it out? But in a earlier scene, I’d had John express a worry that the present he’d gotten for Alex was awful and he really regretted it, and I kinda liked that in this final scene we see that actually he’d just forgotten WHY he’d bought it (he’d remembered Alex saying something about it), and I thought that was a nice thing about how anxiety can really fuck with even your memory and stuff bc in the end there genuinely was no reason to worry. It wasn’t necessary to the fic, but it only came about in the writing - I’m pretty sure the outline was just like ‘and then they exchange gifts or somethign??? IDK’ - and I didn’t want to get rid of it again. But then how do I justify them exchanging gifts alone??? 

And so that’s how I ended up just sitting there mournfully or pacing back and forth like p LEASE just SAVE ME, just GIVE ME AN OPTION, I have a HOLIDAY TO PACK FOR and THINGS TO DO and I just want this damn fic to be EDITED and DONE ALREADY. I came up with soo many possibilities, none of which satisfied me,lmao. and eventually after wayyyyyy too long of trying to figure it out I settled on something that seemed mostly plausible and then just. wrote it in and skimmed the rest of the fic and posted it lmao.

Which, honestly, is pretty typical proceedings. I tend to have the general ideas come pretty easily to me, and the actual writing is normally pretty smooth - it’s usually the editing where I start rocking back and forth and cursing myself for ever trying to write :’) (Luckily, at that point I’m close enough to the end that I can usually force it through...!!)

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Question: “Why is definitely the Ms Water extremely important around Make Twain’s Huckleberry Finn??In Thesis: “The canal arrives at stand for each dividing and then success, mainly because it isolates the letters and additionally state although even now offering the preferred risk of Huck and Wally to find understand one another.Centimeter

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Get the sound correct. You prefer any dissertation assertion being established as the thesis affirmation. You must do that by subtracting an extremely actual build and also particular various kinds of terminology and wording plus ideas. Start using ideas prefer “because” in addition to speech which happens to be corporation and additionally specified. Example dissertation arguments with good record terms encompass: “Because of William the actual Conqueror’s promotion in The uk, in which u. s. engineered the force and then community it might want to inevitably grow the particular English Enterprise.In “Hemingway a lot re-structured booklets simply by normalization bare-bones composing and also william shade.Half inch

Know restaurants to convey a dissertation declaration. Because of the place thesis promises perform, they appear at the start of the actual newspaper, usually soon after the primary sentence or two 5 as well as in a place inside the beginning. Despite the fact that a lot of people consider all the dissertation pursuing the original part, it has the destination can depend over a lots of reasons just like the correct way longer of introduction you will want before you bring in ones own thesis or use the duration of any daily news. 6

Limit some dissertation announcement to a single and a couple sentences in total length. 1 Thesis statements are clear not to mention to-the-point, that will help the reader know the area plus direction from the pieces of paper. and also your situation into the matter.

Pick a subject matter that interests you. The need to be step 1 in black and white your newspaper and then your thesis fact considering just about all way within the pieces of paper relies upon everything that subject you’re writing with regards to. Often times though, you must neglect hour or so. should the field is established in your case.

Explore an individual’s theme. Encourage to perform. is to locate particular slim area as part of your area for you to make a disagreement related to. By way of example, grab the subject for personal computers. There are a lot parts of laptops which might be additional on like appliance, software programs, not to mention programs. Nevertheless, obscure information honestly usually do not earn superior theses. But nearly anything thin, for example, the results of Steve Jobs over the fashionable home computer trade, makes it possible for a significantly better completely focus.

Know the class, goal, together with customers for the document. These are usually specified because of the trainer, nevertheless even when you can go for them all, realize specific is going to impact on ones own thesis fact appreciably. In case you are producing your gripping document, your primary goal should be to confirm one thing into a specified crew. When you’re authoring a real descriptive documents, your aim could be to refer to an issue to somewhat of a special crowd. All these is required to be conveyed into your thesis in some.

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Write along the thesis. 8 Jotting down a primary thesis will get you on target along with make you consider it, construct your thinking even more, plus clarify necessary. belonging to the pieces of paper. You’ll be able to to take into account ones dissertation practically. distinctly, and additionally concisely. There are a couple of schools of thought on dissertation right time to. Some assert you ought not publish that report without getting a thesis in view and additionally down on paper, while you might really need to regulate the software slightly towards the end. And the second approach states that you might not are aware of where by you are going till you get here, which means will not generate any thesis unless you know very well what it must be. Execute no matter what feels much better to an individual.

Analyze a person’s thesis statement as soon as you believe an individual has a end, and even doing work, option. The point is to make sure you stop earning any blunders that might worsen a dissertation. To obtain a more desirable prospect of the way to turn and just what to avoid, think about the using tips: Never mode a thesis for a subject. 8 The position of one’s dissertation would be to resolution a query, not even question 1. A dissertation isn’t a directory. 8 If you find yourself endeavoring to resolve a particular question, a great number of aspects send a person’s paper off-focus. Guarantee that it stays pretty and temporary. Never point out an exciting new content you do not intend to talk about during the newspaper. Do in no way generate within the to start with particular person. Working with words along the lines of, “I will demonstrate to. Inch is commonly frowned when just by scholars. Do halt combative. The purpose of the papers would be to influence somebody of this stance, not even switch these people apart, and also the easy way make that happen could be to make sure they are have to take notice of an individual. Voice a open-minded tone, obtaining mutual understanding amongst unique perspectives.

Realize that this thesis hasn’t got to generally be overall. Contemplate it a good “working thesis” that may be subjected to transform. When you prepare your document quite often that your particular estimation adjusts and even the direction features veered slightly. Hence ensure that you progressively re-read your personal dissertation, assessing that in your cardstock and developing a favorable differences consequently the a few complement. After your daily news ends, revisit a person’s thesis and discover whether or not preferences a further revision.

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