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slaylinski · 3 years

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5 Times Something Almost Happened And 1 Time It Did

Pairing: Sam x Bucky (AU) 5+1

Word count: 8704

Warnings: angst, major character death (mentioned), grief, miscommunication, Sambucky can be absolutely idiots sometimes, mutual pining, fluff, happy ending

Prompt: Sam and Bucky are obviously in love with each other, but each secretly thinks the other is the boyfriend of their recently deceased friend (Steve) and that they should respect the bro code.

A/N: So, I recently saw that prompt on IG and since there is no fanfiction out there that covers that I decided to write one myself. Prepare yourself for some misunderstandings, angst, grieving and sambucky fluff!

btw, shoutout to @januarystears and @gwen-novella for being my beta reader and emotional Marvel supporters🥰💕

Please be aware that English is not my first language.

Bucky was looking at the tombstone in front of him, still not able to process what happened the last few days. Steve Rogers was his childhood best friend. He remembered them being 5-year old’s trying to steal some of the cookies his mother had baked; he remembered Steve calling him at 3am on a Sunday, crying and telling him about his mother‘s car accident, the one that had made him an orphan. He remembered his parents not even hesitating for a second before they took Steve in.

And now Steve was gone. And everything Bucky had left were a few memories that were already starting to fade.

Since his parents were dead not many people came to Steve’s funeral. A few friends he had met in Chicago, Bucky’s family and of course Sam Wilson.

After he and Steve had finished college, Steve had gotten an amazing job offer in Chicago and since Bucky had decided to stay in New York, they had had to adapt to not being able to see each other every day. They had still managed to see each other monthly, most of the times Steve coming to New York, since Bucky’s family, meaning Steve’s family, was still in New York as well. And every time they had visited each other Steve had talked about Sam. Every damn time. Bucky had felt like he already knew the other man. Obviously, he had been happy that Steve had found a boyfriend in Chicago.

Since Bucky was bi and Steve had been gay, they had had a few first times together. From having their first kiss with each other to some things he was not going to mention here. They had tried to make their relationship work, but ultimately decided they were better off as friends. Since then they had not really talked much about their relationships. The only thing that had mattered to Bucky had been that Steve was happy and the way he had talked about Sam had made Bucky realize that he had been happy.

“You okay, man? “ Bucky looked to his left and stared into a pair of brown eyes.

“Yeah, I am okay," he said quietly, which was far from the truth. He still could not believe that Steve was dead.

“I am Sam, Sam Wilson," Sam introduced himself to Bucky, which made the latter chuckle. “Yeah, I already know that. Steve talked about you, a lot," Bucky tried to smile but his eyes were still focused on the tombstone in front of him.

“You know, it is a shame that he never introduced us," Sam said.

“It really is, but I feel like I already know you from all the stories Steve told me about you. I am glad he had someone in Chicago who took care of him. I am sorry for your loss," Bucky felt terrible. He felt like he could not breathe, like drowning but not being able to swim to the surface.

“I am really sorry too, Bucky," Sam whispered. Bucky barely remembered the next few hours. They went to the Barnes house for a funeral service. He saw his sister Becca who tried not to cry but miserably failed, he met his parents’ eyes. His mom was silently crying, and his dad wore sunglasses, trying to hide his swollen eyes as well. To his parents it was like they had lost one of their children. To Becca and him it was like they had lost their brother. And Bucky could not even imagine how hard it was for Sam to lose his boyfriend, his significant other, the person he wanted to grow old with. However, Sam looked more pulled together, like he tried his best not to cry in front of Bucky. Which Bucky understood, it was not like they knew each other very well.

“Do you want something to eat?" Sam asked and tried to feed Bucky some of the cake that was sitting on the kitchen counter. It was one of the many cakes people had brought over to the Barnes house after they had found out about Steve’s death. Everybody had loved Steve Rogers and it was a real shock to them that he had died at such a young age. Bucky, however, did not feel like eating. He felt like sleeping. Like the kind of sleep that makes you forget reality, the one that comforts you. He had not slept for the last couple of days, he was afraid of dreaming, afraid of dreaming and waking up. Afraid that his mind was going to dream about Steve and then him waking up and realizing that it was only a dream and that he was really gone.

“No, thanks. Do you want something?" Bucky asked but Sam shook his head. It was the first time that Bucky took a closer look at Sam Wilson. He was a little bit shorter than Bucky. His brown eyes were warm, and they looked worried, and Bucky felt like Sam was as close to breaking down as he himself was but tried to hold it together. The longer he looked at Sam, the more he understood Steve when he had talked about how warm Sam's eyes were or how good his smile looked. Sam was exactly the type of guy Bucky would go for. Sam tried to comfort him, and Bucky did not understand why. It was not like he had lost his boyfriend. He had lost his best friend, which was pretty hard as well, but not as hard as what Sam was going through now.

“Sorry, I need to get out of here,” Bucky told Sam and rushed out of the house.

The Barnes house was pretty small, barely enough room for two children, but they had squeezed together when Steve had moved in. The backyard had a small garden. A bench facing the giant cherry tree Bucky and Steve used to climb up.

Bucky felt his lip tremble and sniffed. He was all alone now. Steve was gone and there was nothing he could change about that. He felt a tear slipping down his face and tried to wipe it away with his shirtsleeve, but his stupid shirt was too tight, and he could not reach his eyes, and everything was just stupid.

A few moment later his vision was blurred with tears and he tried hard not to sob. It was horrible. He had not even realized that Sam had followed him outside until he felt a hand on his shoulder, trying to comfort him. “Hey, it’s going to be alright, Bucky,” he said and tried to calm him down. The second he noticed Sam; Bucky felt like shit. Sam had just lost his boyfriend and Bucky was out here crying and not even thinking about Sam for a second.

“I’m sorry,” Bucky looked at Sam. “I just… I can’t imagine what you’re going through right now and I-,” he tried to continue but Sam interrupted him.

“If you try to apologize for having feelings, Barnes, I am going to throw you into your neighbors’ pool,” Sam pointed to his right to the swimming pool next to them. “I’m not joking. I don’t know what Steve told you about me, but I’m a man of my word,” Sam laughed. Bizarrely, Bucky laughed as well, like a real laugh, not the ones you fake to seem polite.

“You know, he would’ve hated that,” Bucky declared.

“What? “

“Us here, moping around. He would have wanted his funeral to be party. Has he ever told you about the first years of his life?”

Sam shook his head.

“When we were younger, Steve used to be sick, like all the time. He had the worst allergies and asthma and everything you could possibly imagine. Some winters were hard, there were times when he was in the hospital for week.

Then one time he had this stupid idea to plan his funeral because somehow in his 10-year-old brain he was thinking that he was going to die. And me, being the other 10-year-old, agreed to that so we were in that chapel and he was reading a text that he’d written and playing some weird ass song he’d found on his Mp3 player and then we were all mushy and crying. A couple of weeks later he was home again. A few years after that, he got his height boost and most of his allergies were gone and he became the Steve you know,” Bucky hadn’t even realized that he was crying again but it was a weird combo of crying and laughing.

“God, I miss him so much already,” he sniffed.

“So, Steve Rogers would’ve wanted a party for his funeral? “Sam grinned, and Bucky couldn’t help but start to notice Sam’s laugh. The way his eyes crinkled and the way his whole body moved when he laughed.

“We’re going to get through this, Buck. I promise,” Sam put his arm around Bucky and patted his shoulder.

“You know, you can always call me if you want to talk,” this was the first time that Bucky saw that Sam had tears in his eyes as well. Sam quickly looked in a different direction but left his hand on Bucky’s shoulder. Bucky was not mad that Sam called him ‘Buck ‘, he felt horrible. He was a horrible person. His best friend had just died and all he could think about was how badly he wanted to kiss his best friend’s boyfriend.

Sam Wilson was fairly sure that Bucky Barnes was one of the strongest people he had ever met. He could not even imagine what it must feel like to lose his boyfriend. Well, until the funeral, Sam hadn’t been quite sure if Bucky really had been Steve’s boyfriend because even though he had known Steve for more than 4 years, he still did not remember one woman or one man that Steve had ever mentioned with as much enthusiasm as he had radiated when talking about Bucky. So, it was kind of weird to Sam that they had only visited each other occasionally and still hadn’t been living together after so many years, but he hadn’t wanted to ask why. It was not his business anyways.

Even though he did not know much about Steve Rogers’ love life, he considered him one of his best friends if not his best friend. Therefore, it was hard on him to have lost Steve so suddenly. He had never heard of somebody dying of an asthma attack. Especially someone who hadn’t had one in more than ten years. He remembered Bucky’s call and nearly dropping his phone. Bucky’s parents had been Steve’s emergency contacts, so it was unsurprising that they, and thus Bucky, had gotten notified first.

He had been in the middle of cooking dinner for him and Steve, since they were sharing a flat. It was not like they were poor or not earning enough money, it was more about not being alone and being able to save up a bit for the future. None of them minded living with a roommate, though.

After the call he had travelled to New York to attend Steve’s funeral. It was not how he’ imagined his first trip to New York and it certainly wasn’t the way he had wanted to meet the famous Bucky Barnes. After the death of Steve’s parents when he’d been a teenager, Bucky’s family had been all he’d had left.

Sam had felt a little anxious, and even though two of his and Steve’s friends, Wanda and Pietro, had come with him, he still felt like an intruder. He still could not believe that Steve was really gone.

He recognized Bucky immediately. He had seen a lot of picture over the years and even met him one time via face time but that could not have prepared him for what he saw the first time he looked into Bucky’s eyes.

Even though he was on the verge of crying, he looked like one of the most beautiful men Sam had ever seen, and the second he thought of that Sam wanted to slap himself. He felt like the worst person on earth. His best friend had just died and all he could think about was how good-looking his boyfriend was. He was going to end up in hell.

For the next couple of days Sam felt numb. Bucky kindly invited him to stay over at his flat in New York, so Sam didn’t have to bother booking a hotel room or anything like that.

Since his boss had known Steve as well but could not attend his funeral due to business, he kindly gave Sam two paid weeks off. Sam was not sure how he was going to handle going back to the flat he shared with Steve. He already felt lonely and was not sure if he could handle throwing out Steve’s stuff.

But right now, he was thinking about a lot of different things, for example about Bucky, who was sitting right in front of him, eating a bagel for breakfast.

Bucky’s flat was not what Sam expected. After living together with Steve Rogers for nearly three years, he thought that he knew the way Steve liked to live. Pretty messy was an understatement. His room looked like it belonged to a messy 3-year-old. Bucky’s flat however was completely clean. So clean that Sam would not have been bothered eating off the floor. The thought of Bucky constantly reminding Steve to put away his stuff made him laugh.

“What’s so funny?” Bucky looked at him curiously and swallowed the last bit of his bagel.

“Oh, nothing,” Sam tried hide his grin.

“Hey, that’s not fair. Tell me,” Bucky protested but he was smiling as well. The pretty smile, the one that made Sam’s heart flutter. He quickly put that thought aside.

“Well, you knew Steve better than me and when I see how clean your flat is all I can think about is how messy ours used to look.”

That made Bucky laugh as well. “You know, I asked myself the same question. Do you remember when you were on that business trip? That time I visited Steve, and it was the first time I saw your flat and I was shocked how clean it actually looked. Not that Steve was a messy, but I’m amazed how you managed to get along with him not putting his stuff everywhere.”

“Well at least he tried with you, whenever he was coming home, he just threw his jacket on our couch and went into the bathroom,” Sam laughed. `

“Yeah, he tried his best whenever he visited me,” Bucky answered.

‘Perks of being the boyfriend, Sam thought but didn’t say it out loud. He did not want to upset Bucky and tried to talk as little about Steve as possible, only referring to him when Bucky told him a story about them.

“You know what, Sam?” Bucky asked after they put away the dishes from their late breakfast. “I’m done sitting here and moping around. I need to get out of here, get some fresh air.”

“Do you have something in mind?” Sam looked at him. It was weird, even though he never met Bucky in person he felt like he already knew him. Steve used to talk about him all the time, mentioning him even when he was talking about the most unnecessary things. At first Sam thought it was cute, but after a while it kind of annoyed him. However, Bucky really was as great as Steve had described him. In the last days he got to know him and found out that he was one of the most generous and humble persons he had ever met.

“I actually do. I have been craving ice cream ever since I saw that Ben and Jerry’s commercial last night and thought that we could go to the Central Park,” Bucky suggested.

“Sound great. Let me get my jacket and I am good to go”.

They each grabbed their phones, wallets and jackets. Bucky stuffed his keys into the pocket of his leather jacket. Sam could swear that Bucky had at least five different versions of the same leather jacket in different colors.

Bucky’s flat was close to the Central Park since he lived in Manhattan. Sam was not quite sure what kind of job Bucky had but it must have been paying really well if he could afford living that close to the city. They didn’t talk much while walking to the park, but Bucky took the time to show Sam some of Steve’s favorite spots, for example his favorite coffee shop. Whenever they walked past a shop or cafe Steve used to like, Sam knew immediately because Bucky tensed up.

Obviously, Sam had never been to the Central Park in New York and he had only ever seen it on pictures so far, so he was surprised how big it actually was. There were a lot of children, parents and young people walking around. A couple of them were inline skating or even skateboarding. It was a sunny afternoon, which made for a crowded park.

“What’s your favorite ice cream flavor?” Bucky asked him after they sat down on a free bench they found.

“Pretty much any ice cream flavor,” Sam laughed.

“You know, that was Steve’s answer to that question as well. He ate pretty much every flavor of ice cream I bought so I always had to hide it or buy an extra pack,” Bucky smiled but his eyes looked sad.

Sam wasn’t sure what he could do to make him feel better. And the worst was that he was still thinking about how good-looking Bucky was. “Just surprise me, okay?”

Bucky nodded and quickly walked away to the nearest ice cream van.

Sam leaned against the bank and closed his eyes. His mind was still trying to process Steve’s death. When he was younger his dad had died, and his mom had made him go to a therapist for a couple of months. The woman had told him about the five different stages of grief, and Sam was sure he was still stuck in denial. He just couldn’t imagine his life without Steve Rogers, and he still did not know how he would manage living on his own. He might get a different flat, one that was smaller.

His thoughts were interrupted by Bucky, who returned, carrying two ice cream cones in his hands. There were at least three scoops of chocolate ice cream on each one. Sam’s eyes grew big once Bucky settled the ice cream into his hand.

“I thought we might as well treat ourselves,” he only stated and started eating his ice cream.

If there was something worse than having the hots for your dead best friend’s boyfriend, it was watching his so-called boyfriend licking ice cream.

He quickly looked away and stared at the ice cream in his hand, which was slowly starting to melt.

“You know, I bought this for you so you could eat it. Not watch it melt, but you do you,” Bucky raised his eyebrows and looked at the ice cream that was slowly dripping around the cone.

“Yeah, of course. Is it a coincidence that you chose chocolate because it is Steve’s favorite ice cream or is it your favorite flavor as well?” Sam asked curiously.

“You got me there. It’s my favorite ice cream flavor, too. So now you know why I had to hide my secret ice cream stash in the freezer whenever Steve came around,” Bucky laughed.

They were quietly eating their ice cream when Bucky stood up all of a sudden and grabbed Sam’s hand. Bucky’s hand was warm, warmer than Sam had imagined. The former quickly pulled him to his feet and Sam felt himself blushing. Hopefully, Bucky didn’t see that.

“Come on, we are going to see the ducks,” Bucky shouted and ran to the lake that was in the middle of the park. Sam just laughed. Sometimes he felt like Bucky was still ten years old and not 28. He followed Bucky and found him a few seconds later, throwing the last crumbs of his ice cream cone to a little duck family that was quickly picking up the crumbs.

“You are such a child, Bucky.”

Bucky just rolled his eyes and tried to pet the small ducklings. However, the mother duck was not having that and tried to pick at Bucky’s hand. It even started to flutter towards him. Bucky let out a scream and started running to Sam. “Help me, ahh. It’s trying to kill me. Sorry duck, I was only trying to pet your babies,” Bucky exclaimed. “I wouldn’t hurt them.”

Sam was trying his hardest not to burst out laughing. He noticed a couple of other people around him who were watching them. A few seconds later he just gave up and completely doubled over. He was wheezing and already feeling the weird looks he got from the people surrounding him. Tears started to form in his eyes and that was the first time the last few days that the reason for them was not him being sad.

Bucky finally came over to him, laughing as well. “They were so cute, I just had to,” he exclaimed, and before Bucky was able to say another word, Sam grabbed him by his hips and pulled him over to him. He let his hand sit on Bucky’ waist for a short moment until he realized that Bucky was staring at him, especially at his hand. Sam felt blood rushing into his head. He probably looked absolutely flustered and he noticed that Bucky was blushing.

“Anyways. They were cute and Steve loves, I mean loved, ducks,” Bucky said quietly.

After hearing Steve’s name Sam felt guilty again. Following that awkward incident, they quickly went back to Bucky’s apartment and never mentioned it again.

Ever since Sam had left to go back to his flat in Chicago, Bucky felt lonely. He had never felt that way when Steve had left him to go back to Chicago or when his other friends visited. It might have to do with the fact that Sam was the first person who really calmed him down after Steve’s death. His parents and his sister tried their best, but they were still trying to process the fact that Steve was gone. Sam’s reaction to Steve’s death was different. It almost made Bucky a little angry, because how could he not have cared about Steve, but then he remembered that Sam hadn’t know him as well as the Barnes family. Sam might have tried to pull himself together because he had not wanted to cry in front of Bucky. The last couple of days Bucky had gotten to spend with Sam he understood what Steve had loved about him. Sam was kind, made him laugh and the best thing, he was honest to Bucky.

Bucky’s last relationships had not been exactly what he pictured. The last girl he had dated had been someone named Natasha, who he’d met through work. She was nice and pretty, but after a few months she’d told Bucky that she did not see a future with him. He wasn’t sad that their relationship ended, he was sad because it meant he was alone again.

Right then, he was sitting on his couch, watching his favorite tv show. Suits. The first time he’d watched that show he couldn’t decide whether he would rather sleep with Donna or Harvey. Seeing that he was a lawyer himself, he knew the series was nowhere close to being realistic, but he still liked it. Practicing law wasn’t exactly how he’d pictured it in college but still, it made him happy.

His thoughts were interrupted by his phone ringing. He quickly grabbed it and smiled once he saw the name displayed on the screen. Sam Wilson.

“Hey, Bucky,” Sam greeted him.

Bucky felt his chest flutter but tried to ignore it. Sam was his forbidden fruit, but he already felt like Eva ogling the red apple in garden Eden. Apparently, he and Eva would share going to hell.

“Hey Sam,” Bucky answered quietly.

There as an awkward pause.

“Something wrong?”

“Well, I don’t know if this might seem weird to you but yesterday, I was finally able to enter Steve’s room and was trying to sort his stuff and because he doesn’t have any family left, I thought you might want some of this and- “

Bucky interrupted him. “Sam, you are rambling. What do you want me to do?” he asked.

“I was just wondering if you might want to fly to Chicago and look through Steve’s stuff. Like, I know he would have wanted you to get most of his things. I understand if you are occupied with work but honestly, I don’t know if I’m ready to get rid of his things. It feels like I’m starting to forget him. I’m already starting to forget what his voice sounded like, and it’s starting to drive me crazy. And I know it’s a lot I’m asking of you and it is a shitty thing of me to cry to you about it, since he was your-,” Sam sniffed and before he could continue Bucky interrupted him again.

“To quote you, Sam: If you dare apologize for having feelings, I might throw you into your neighbor’s pool. Even though I don’t know if your neighbor owns a pool, but you get what I’m trying to say here,” Bucky could hear Sam laughing, although his voice was still a bit cracked. He sounded like he had been crying for at least a couple of minutes. Then again, Bucky would probably react the same if he’d had to sit down and sort out Steve’s stuff.

“I’m flying out to you tomorrow,” Bucky stated. He could hear Sam breathing. “You don’t have to if you have work to do or something else, I can get Wanda or Pietro to help me,” Sam said, guilt lacing his tone.

“No, you’re right. I should have thought about that earlier. It must be hard for you. Of course, I can help,” he assured Sam.

“Thanks, Bucky,” Sam replied.

“You’re welcome, Sam. I’ll text you my flight information.”

However, he did not mention that he was excited to meet Sam again. He was sure that the last thing Sam was worried about right now was finding a new boyfriend, and Bucky still felt guilty about even thinking that he had a chance with Sam. Sam had been Steve’s boyfriend and was grieving, and Bucky was selfish for thinking that Sam could like him that way.

Immediately after the phone call ended, he grabbed his laptop and started looking for flights straight to Chicago. Since it was on such short notice, the flights were way more expensive than usually, but he didn’t care about that.

The day he arrived in Chicago was rainy. The weather was characteristically bad, so he was glad that Sam had offered to pick him up from the airport. Once Bucky had grabbed his suitcase, he made his way into the arrival hall of the airport. He already noticed Sam from far away, due to the fact that the other man was waving like crazy at Bucky, which made him laugh. Sam was such a dork.

“Hey, I’m glad you made it. Thanks again,” Sam tried to carry Bucky’s suitcase, but Bucky pushed his hand away.

“I got it, thanks,” he still thought it was cute.

They walked outside to Sam’s car, talking about random things. Bucky noticed that Sam didn’t mention Steve’s name. He was probably waiting until they got home, and Bucky did not want to upset Sam any further, so he did not mention the deceased’s name as well.

Bucky could count on one hand how many times he had been to Steve’s and Sam’s flat. It was still weird to him that they did not sleep in the same bed. But after knowing Steve Rogers for nearly two decades, it was impossible for even him to sleep next to Steve. Whenever the latter had slept, he’d snored so loud that Bucky had been sure the neighbors next door could still hear him, so he did not blame Sam for having wanted a separate bed.

The flat had not changed much since the last time Bucky had been there. The walls were decorated with a lot of artwork - most of it done by Steve. While Bucky was not able to draw a straight line, Steve had been able to draw the most amazing things with only a pencil.

“You can keep some of them, if you want,” Sam commented and squeezed his shoulder.

“Yeah, that would be nice, but you should keep most of them. They’re in your home, anyway, so why should I take ‘em with me.”

Sam only stared at him in confusion.

“I guess I’ll move into a new flat once we are done here. It’s too big for me anyway. Might as well get another roommate,” Sam stated.

“Roommate?” Bucky looked at him “Aren’t you a bit old to live with a roommate?” he asked, seemingly confused. He knew Sam was nearly 3 years older than him and Steve.

“I am what?” Sam raised his eyebrow.

Immediately, Bucky felt bad. He was such an idiot. Sam had been living with his boyfriend for the last 3 years, of course he was going to feel lonely living on his own. “Nothing. Forget it. So, where did you put Steve’s stuff?”

Sam pointed to a couple of boxes that were lying in one corner of the living room. “I got rid of most of his clothes and furniture, apart from some t-shirts and hoodies. Thought you might want to keep some of these.”

Bucky’s eyes wandered to a green hoodie that was crumpled up in one of the boxes. He quickly snatched it and pressed it against his chest. It was the hoodie Steve had worn the day they had gotten their college acceptance. It even smelled a bit like Steve.

“You should keep it,” Sam mumbled, “I have so much of his stuff, and you have nothing and…” His voice started to crack.

Bucky felt helpless. He was trying to think of something that would make Sam feel better. The only thing he could think about right then was a hug.

He quickly wrapped his arms around Sam and pressed his chest against the other man’s. He could feel Sam’s breathing and heartbeat.

Sam started to calm down, still pressed against Bucky. They stayed like this for a moment until Bucky started to feel something. ‘Oh god’, he panicked. Not now. It had been a few months since he’d last had any physical contact and it was starting to show. Sam clinging and moving against him did not make things better. Bucky felt his face heating up and tried to think of a way to break out of the hug.

“You, okay?” Sam asked and quickly ended their hug. He’d probably felt something was wrong.

Bucky was still red and quickly looked away. ‘So much to not thinking about Sam in that way,’ he thought to himself.

“Yeah, everything’s alright,” Bucky just knew Sam had felt it. However, he was glad that he didn’t mention it. It was already awkward enough for him. They continued to look through Steve’s stuff and neither of them said another word.

“I am glad you are here, Bucky,” Sam whispered after a while.

“I am really glad you called me,” Bucky responded. It was going to be okay.

“What movie do you want to watch?” Sam asked and started zapping through Netflix. It had been a couple of months since Bucky’s visit to Chicago, but he and Sam had been in contact with each other nearly every day. Bucky had started to slowly crawl into Sam’s daily life, but he did not mind it. Quite the opposite. The more he talked to Bucky, the more Sam caught himself thinking about the way Bucky smiled and laughed. The way Bucky’s eyes lit up when he talked about his work or his cat, Alpine. The cat was cute. Sam remembered Bucky finding her near the trash cans in the backyard of his flat and the moment he’d seen her he’d known that she was supposed to stay with him. Just like Steve and Bucky used to do, the two chose at least one time a month to meet up with each other. That month it was Sam’s turn to visit Bucky.

Right now, they were sitting on Bucky’s couch. Bucky was on his phone trying to figure out what he wanted to eat for dinner. Alpine was cuddled against Bucky’s chest.

“I don’t care. Chose something you want to watch,” Bucky answered Sam’s question. He stroked Alpine’s white fur. The cat snuggled closer to Bucky and purred. Sam could not blame her. Bucky’s chest did look comfortable.

“Okay, then.”

It still took Sam more than fifteen minutes to find a series he wanted to watch.

“Have you decided on what you want to eat?” he asked Bucky, who was still scrolling through his phone.

“No,” Bucky let out a groan. “They have so many options. How am I supposed to choose? I want fries and sushi and pizza at the same time,” he exclaimed.

Sam laughed. One of the many things he had learned about Bucky in the last couple of months was that Bucky loved food. It was close to being an unhealthy obsession.

“Well, how about we just get something small of everything and share?” Sam offered but Bucky did not seem convinced.

“Sam, I don’t want to share,” he pouted.

“Okay, well, that’s your problem. I already know what I want to eat,” Sam crossed his arms and leaned back against the couch. It was comfortable and probably cost more than Sam’s monthly salary. He had learned that Bucky was a corporate lawyer, which explained how he was able to live so close to Manhattan. It also explained the amounts of money he was able to spend on food. The first few times, Sam had tried to split the bill, but Bucky had always protested. Sam had stopped trying after that. It was sweet of Bucky, and Sam wondered if that was the way Bucky had treated Steve as well. The more he got to know the other man, the more he caught himself falling for him. He knew it was wrong, and that Steve would probably hate him for feeling that way - he even hated himself a little bit for it - but he couldn’t change his feelings. He tried his best not to get too touchy with Bucky, but he failed sometimes.

“I want pizza.”

Sam looked at Bucky. “Are you sure?”

“Yep,” Bucky started to scratch Alpine’s belly, and the cat purred in response.

Sam shrugged his shoulders. He knew that Bucky would probably change his opinion once the pizza was here, but he still called the pizza place and ordered.

45 minutes later the doorbell rang, and Bucky stood up to answer. Alpine looked up in confusion once she noticed that Bucky was gone and started walking towards Sam. After looking at him, she decided he was worthy and cuddled against his chest. Sam patted her.

“Oh, this is so cute, I need to take a picture,” Bucky had returned with two large pizza cartons and a smaller one containing some garlic bread. Sam smiled, but the second Bucky got his phone out, Alpine jumped up and quickly walked away.

“Stupid cat,” Bucky mumbled. It was almost like she heard him because she turned her head and hissed at him.

“Great, now she’s mad,” Sam sighed.

“She’ll get over it. Here’s your pizza,” Bucky gave him his carton and settled down to eat his own pizza.

“By the way, my sister wants to finally meet you,” Bucky said after a few minutes. It didn’t take him long to finish his pizza and he moved on to the garlic bread.

“I can’t wait to meet her. Steve used to talk about her all the time. He really loved her like a little sister.” Sam didn’t know Becca personally, apart from that short meeting at Steve’s funeral, but back then hadn’t really been the right time to get to know her better.

“Yeah, he really did. She is our little sister,” Bucky mumbled, a sad undertone present in his voice. Sam wasn’t going to lie, he thought about Steve a lot, but whenever he visited Bucky or got a message from him, the thought of his best friend was pushed a little bit further back in his brain. Every time he caught himself doing that, he felt guilty. Guilty for starting to forget the way Steve’s voice sounded, for getting a smaller flat because he couldn’t stand continuing to live in the same flat, he used to live in with Steve and mostly, guilty for slowly starting to fall in love with Bucky Barnes.

He wondered if Bucky sometimes forgot about Steve, too, or if Sam was just a horrible friend. He didn’t have the courage to ask Bucky about it; he did not want to lose the closest thing he had to a best friend since Steve.

They continued to watch the series. After a while, Alpine came back from wherever she had hidden. She settled into the crook of Bucky’s arm and looked into Sam’s eyes. He almost felt caught by her. He did not really like cats; however, he made an exception for Alpine.

Shortly after the movie, Sam noticed that Bucky was snoring. He was leaning against Sam’s shoulder, Alpine still lying on him.

Sam caught himself watching Bucky for a few seconds. He looked so cute and calm and the way he was resting against Sam’s shoulder gave him goosebumps. His skin looked so soft, and Sam had to fight with himself not to touch his cheek. He decided to close his eyes for a few minutes as well.

The next morning, Sam noticed something furry on his nose, tickling him. He sneezed and opened his eyes, only to look at something white. He tried to push Alpine away from his face and started to look around. He remembered falling asleep on Bucky’s couch. He noticed that somehow during the night, Bucky had shifted and was now laying on Sam’s chest. Sam’s arm was wrapped around Bucky’s torso. He tried to shift without moving too much but failed. He looked at Bucky’s face and noticed that the younger man was still sleeping peacefully.

‘Great and now I have to pee’, Sam thought. He ran his other hand through Bucky’s hair. It was as soft as he imagined. A few minutes later Bucky’s eyes fluttered, and a pair of blue eyes started into Sam’s.

“Morning,” Bucky said with a rusty voice. It took him a while to notice that he was lying nearly on top of Sam.

“Have you slept well?” Sam asked.

Bucky nodded and stared at him so intensely that Sam briefly thought he was going to kiss him. However, Bucky quickly sat up and rubbed his eyes.

“So anyways. Do you want some breakfast?” Bucky changed the topic, already half up off the couch and on his way into the kitchen.

Sam stared after at him. ‘What the hell was that’, he thought but shook it off and quickly followed Bucky into the kitchen.

Today was the 6th month anniversary of Steve’s death and Bucky’s day had already started out shitty. Firstly, he’d nearly missed his alarm clock, then his client had stood him up for lunch and finally he’d managed to spill his coffee all over himself and had to ask his assistant to get another one. He was currently sitting in his office, staring at the framed picture in front of him.

It was a picture of him and Steve when they were younger. He still could not believe that Steve had been gone for 6 months. It felt like yesterday to him how he’d called Steve nearly every evening to talk to him about his boring day.

The only thing he was looking forward today was that he was finally going to see Sam again. Thinking about the dark-haired man made him smile. The last time Sam had visited had been kind of weird. That one morning, they’d woken up all cuddly and Bucky had nearly kissed Sam. Thank God, he’d caught himself in the last moment. Sam would have probably thought Bucky was a horrible friend, and Bucky refused to lose his newest friend to something as stupid as a little crush.

He probably felt like that because the last time he’d had sex had been back when Steve had still been alive. Yeah, that was the most reasonable explanation as to why he could not stop thinking about Sam’s lips and his toned arms. He quickly looked back at the file in front of him. It was a case about a holding company that was trying to sell one of their firms they owned. It was boring, to say the least. He tried to get it done as quickly as possible.

Finally, a few hours later, Bucky was able to close the file. He looked at his clock; it was 20 past 7pm already. His eyes widened. He was supposed to meet up with Sam at 7pm at his flat. He pulled out his phone and noticed that he had a missed call from Sam and a few text messages.

Barnes, you there?

Buckyyy

Where are you, man?

Okay, I am just going to let myself in, I know where your spare key is 😊.

Sam had added a bunch of random emojis, and Bucky smiled. Of course, he knew where Bucky’s spare key was.

Bucky packed up his things, bid goodbye to the colleagues who were still in the building and made his way home. He was pretty sure Sam was comfortable enough in the flat to entertain himself, so Bucky ended up picking some food on the way. Thai. It was Steve’s favorite food.

As he opened his apartment door, his hands full of takeaway boxes, he could already hear the TV. Once he entered the living room, he could see Sam lying on his couch. Alpine was sitting on his lap and Sam was cuddling her. It was adorable.

“Hello, person who does not live in my home,” Bucky said and walked over to place the food on his couch table.

“Well, I decided I do now.”, Sam exclaimed. “Your cat likes me better anyways. Isn’t that right, Alpine?”

The cat snuggled closer to Sam.

“Traitor,” Bucky whispered. But he was glad that Sam liked her as much as he himself did. They were a package deal.

“What is that?” Sam pointed to the food boxes.

“Food, duh. Thai. It was Steve’s favorite,” Bucky said. After mentioning Steve’s name, he noticed how Sam tensed up. Bucky decided not to comment on it; instead, he sat down next to Sam and started opening the food boxes.

“Fuck,” Sam whispered and ran his hands over his face. “I can’t believe it’s been 6 months already. How has he been dead for 6 months? I feel like it was yesterday that I talked to him, we were planning a trip to California this summer. We wanted to take my nephews to Disneyland. There were so excited and devastated when I told them we could not go anymore and cried when I told them why.”

Bucky felt his heart aching. He knew Sam had nephews.

“I’m sorry, Sam,” Bucky said and put his hand on Sam’s shoulder, squeezing it in reassurance.

“I still cannot process that he really is gone. Some days I forget that he is dead, just for a short moment, and then reality hits and I feel like I just want to fold myself into a corner and cry. He was my best friend.” Bucky looked down and noticed that Sam had started to sniff.

“You know, I still get nightmares about the day you called me,” Sam admitted.

Bucky saw a single tear roll down Sam’s face and he quickly wiped it away with his sleeve. The man next to him looked so small and vulnerable. Bucky wanted to hug him so badly.

“I always wonder what would have happened if I had been with him. I should have made sure he’d take his inhaler with him. God, I am so sorry, Bucky,” he started to sob.

Bucky froze. It was the first time Sam cried in front of him. He felt helpless, the only thing that he could do was try to comfort him.

“It’s okay, Sam. It was not your fault. Steve was an adult, he should have known better than to not carry his inhaler with him, even if he hadn’t had an asthma attack in more than 10 years,” Bucky tried to calm him down, but that made Sam even more upset.

“I was supposed to look after him, you trusted me to look after him-“Sam was starting to hyperventilate.

“You did, Sam. You did. It was not your fault, and it wasn’t mine either. It was just a stupid, terrible thing to happen, but it wasn’t anyone’s fault. Please stop trying to blame yourself for his death,” Bucky shouted. Apparently, this was the only way Sam understood he was not responsible for what had happened to Steve.

Sam stared at him, not being used to Bucky raising his voice.

“I’m serious, Sam,” Bucky said again.

“You are way too good; do you know that Bucky?” Sam said with a weird mixture of laughing and crying. “God, I still miss him so much.”

“I miss him too, Sam, but Steve would have wanted you to move on with your life. He would have wanted us to live the best life we could possibly have. And I know that sounds harsh but please don’t blame yourself.” Bucky wasn’t sure if his words were what Sam wanted to hear. He would either think that Bucky was a total asshole for thinking that he should move on this quickly after his boyfriend died or he would agree with him.

“Yeah, you are right. He would have wanted me to move on. He would have wanted that for you as well, Bucky,” Sam answered quietly, and the next thing Bucky knew he was pressing his lips against Sam’s.

+ 1

Sam felt Bucky’s lips pressing against his own. At first, he was shocked that Bucky really was kissing him but after a few seconds he returned the kiss. He pulled Bucky closer to himself and started moving his hand to the other man’s neck. Bucky groaned and started to move closer to Sam.

It was everything Sam had dreamed about for the last couple of months and if Bucky was ready to move on from Steve, Sam was ready for that as well. They continued to kiss for a while, none of them saying a word. The sound of them kissing was the only one heard in the apartment. Sam was already starting to slip his hand under Bucky’s t-shirt when Bucky suddenly pulled away from him.

“No, no, no-,” he exclaimed and looked at Sam, both their lips slightly swollen from their kissing.

“This is wrong,” Bucky whined.

Sam could almost hear the crack his heart made the second Bucky stopped their kiss. Of course, he thought it was wrong. Steve and Bucky had been together for more than 5 years or maybe even more, obviously, Bucky wouldn’t move on so quickly.

“God I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have done that, Sam,” Bucky looked at him with blue eyes and Sam wanted to kiss him again, so badly.

“Sorry, I just thought that… you’re right, this is not fair to Steve. God, I’m a horrible person, Steve would hate me,” Sam whispered ashamed.

“No, I’m the bad friend. I kissed you. I kissed my dead best friend’s boyfriend. I’m pretty sure they have a special place in hell for people like me,” Bucky let out a groan.

Sam looked at him confused. What the hell was he talking about?

“I was his what now?” he asked and stared at Bucky.

“Boyfriend, partner, significant other, I don’t know what you called each other, but I’m pretty sure that if there was one rule for friendship it’s that you don’t make a move on your friends’ partners,” Bucky gestured between Sam and him.

“This shouldn’t have happened,” he was out of breath and pushed his hair out his face. His cheeks were starting to get redder.

“No,” was the only thing Sam said at first. “You’re his boyfriend”, he continued and pointed at Bucky.

“Huh?” Bucky replied, still confused.

“No, you are. He always talked about you and he visited you nearly every week and-,” Sam was starting to ramble, but Bucky interrupted him.

“You two were living together?! I thought you were his boyfriend, what was I supposed to think? I didn’t assume two grown men would be living together as roommates,” he exclaimed.

“Hey,” Sam felt offended.

Bucky quickly noticed the way Sam looked at him. “No, that’s not what I meant. It’s just…I thought you were his boyfriend.”

“No, I’m his best friend,” Sam answered, this time a bit louder. What the hell was going on?

“No, I’m his best friend,” Bucky mumbled, still trying to process what had happened in the last few moments.

“Wait. So you’re not in a relationship with Steven Grant Rogers, and you never were?” Sam asked slowly.

“No,” Bucky answered, though it sounded more like a question. “I mean we used to when we were teenagers, but that’s nearly a decade ago.”

“And you’re not in a relationship with Steve either, right?” Bucky added and looked into Sam’s eyes.

“Nope, and I never was.”

There was an awkward silence between them until Bucky asked Sam, “So, the last few months you thought I was grieving my boyfriend, while I thought you were grieving your boyfriend?”

It was the thing that made Sam crack. He started to laugh. Loudly. He even started wheezing, tears forming in his eyes.

“I cannot believe this. That little shit,” Sam cried out. “He never corrected me when I referred to you as his boyfriend. He knew exactly what he was doing.”

Finally, Bucky busted out laughing as well. “We’re so stupid. We could have just asked each other but instead we just assumed that the other was the grieving widower.”

Sam could feel the way Bucky was staring at him, trying to figure out what to say next. Sam, on the other hand, knew already what he was going to do next. He got closer to Bucky and kissed him again.

This time Bucky didn’t hesitate and pushed himself against Sam. “You know,” he mumbled between kisses, “We could have done that way earlier.” The complaint was evident in his tone.

“Better late than never,” was the only thing Sam answered before he kissed Bucky once more.

And somewhere out there, Steve was looking at them, smiling to himself and thinking how much of an idiot both of his best friends were.

Feel free to leave any comments or any suggestions for improvement!

Thank you so much for reading my first ever English written One Shot! I hope you enjoyed it as much as I did. I'm really looking forward to writing more Marvel fanfiction, especially Stucky and Sambucky.

much love, your local stucky shipper xx

***

#angst with a happy ending #angst #major character death #grief #miscommunication #misunderstandings #sambucky #mutual pining #fluff #happy ending #steve rogers #fatws bucky #bucky barnes #samwilson #captain america #thefalconandthewintersoldier #tfatws

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boop-le-snoot · 4 years

Text

PARTY FAVOURS I CHAPTER 13

first time readers click here 💖

TWs/Summary: In this house, we ship Reader/Tony's Rolls-Royce. Reader and Tony being dorks on a date. That's it that's the chapter. Lots of sass and Tony being Tony.

A question for my readers: Are you still invested? How's the slow burn? Is everything realistic? 👉🏻👈🏻🥺

As usual, my beta is @miscmarvelwritings . I love her.

"Nice digs, Cupcake."

"Nice ride, Tin Man."

The sass fell from my lips, warm and familiar, paving the way for our upcoming debut like the old, soft living room rug. Any awkwardness I had expected there to be left the moment I saw Tony pull up to my front gate in his Royce: the man was just that extra. The size of my estate, the five-figure outfit of mine - it paled in comparison to his own clout.

In a world where my choices were usually distributed between stuck-up rich boys or insecure middle-class men, Tony was a fresh drink of water with his absolute indifference towards my and his own net worth.

I wasn't afraid to admire said ride, either. Being a huge petrolhead was what got me interested in engineering, physics and computer sciences in the first place. The desire for speed grew into thirst for knowledge: how to get more horsepower, how to tune, how to mod. No mechanic took an eighteen year old rich-girl seriously even when I had all the lingo right, I had to be a step ahead, at all times, if I wanted my ride to be the best. And I never settled for less than that.

"No driver?" I inquired for the reason behind the unusual behaviour. After all, a Rolls' wasn't the kind of car you drive personally. All the amenities it had, it had in the back.

"Gave Happy a day off," Tony remarked absently. I noticed the small quirk of his eyebrow, however. He was intrigued.

I decided to give it a shot. "So what, this thing packs, what, about five-fifty horses?" I mused, watching Tony nearly swerve into the opposite lane. "At two and a half tons, it's still gotta be pretty quick with that V12-turbo. How fast it go?" The satisfaction was immeasurable, as pleasant to my soul as sitting in a heated leather chair with the smell of a new car, engine quietly rumbling in front of me. And by quietly I mean, it was focus-or-you'll-miss-it kind of quiet.

"Well aren't you full of surprises, baby girl," Tony grinned; a happy, excited grin even. It made his face lose ten years of age just like that. "Zero to sixty in five and a half seconds," He said after a moment.

"Not bad," I said, sounding impressed. I already knew that but I wasn't planning on robbing Tony out of well deserved praise for his choice in vehicles.

"Got a ride of your own?" He asked with a smile, like he didn't know it already. No background check would have skipped my three speeding tickets, but I concur. This game was fun.

"I do, actually. It's a 2008 Range Rover. Supercharged," I added in the end, just to emphasise.

"A big car for such a little girl," Tony whistled playfully.

"I'm compensating," I deadpanned. "I'm a little slow on the uptake, y'know, so my Rangie with five hundred horses makes up for it. Gotta keep it balanced."

Tony chewed on his lip. "Five hundred? Haven't heard about that, it comes with three-ninety-five in stock," His eyebrow wiggled. "Tuned it?" He cast me a contemplative glance.

"Yup," I exclaimed happily. As far as the date, I would have been utterly ecstatic to talk about cars all evening. Screw the boring "where do you see yourself in five years" questions, talk to me about your favourite engine swaps. Concept cars, give me those. Monster trucks? Yes, please. Vintage low-riders? Couldn't wait to get my grubby little hands on one. Gimmee!

Tony kept his silence and kept his press smile starting the moment we set foot on getting out of the car. The place he'd taken me to was ridiculously upscale and fancy; the valet hesitated only for a second before catching the keys Tony so carelessly tossed in his direction. There was almost no fear in his body language when the boy approached the massive, expensive vehicle.

The hostess smiled big at Tony and gave me the world's biggest stink-eye when he looked the other way but what else is new? As soon as she left us in the privacy of our booth, I didn't hesitate to stick my tongue at her retreating back. A brief lapse in maturity, if you will.

Tony cackled, growing suddenly serious. "Did she bother you? I can get her fired. I should get her fired."

"Nah," I shrugged. "Don't really care, just wanted to showcase my amazing sense of humour." Snorting, I gave Tony a wink and a secretive grin.

"You really don't give a fuck, do you," His eyebrows twitched again, a sign of mild interest that I noted during our routine sciencing time together. Tony was incredibly expressive if one took the time to observe.

"I could suck your dick under the table right now," I answered honestly. "It's just that when God gave out things like dignity and shame, I wasn't home. Too many fun things to do, y'know," I spoke as casually as I could even though I was dying of laughter inside.

Eyes bulging, jaw hanging mid-way to the floor. Tony was serving Looks™ and I didn't mean just the white tee and purple blazer combo. "Princess, you're going to be the fucking death of me!" He took a sip from his water glass, smirking.

Finally releasing my mirth, I gathered my hands in a lock in front of me. His own, warm and calloused, reached over - I allowed the brief intimacy, clasping them, fiddling with the leather band of his watch. For a moment, it was just us, sitting in the dim light, discovering each other anew to Robert Johnson singing the blues and NYC bustling with life just behind the wall.

The waiter took our orders - and if I totally butchered the Italian, Tony was gentleman enough not to make any remarks.

"Somehow, every time I am with you, you both manage to meet my expectations to a T and surprise me at the same time," I wasn't able to completely ignore my nerves. My hand was still loosely in his and he didn't mind at all, me messing with his watch.

"How so?"

"I'm going to loosely quote someone, bear with me." Mr Davies's words popped into my mind just as I was wondering how to best articulate my feelings. "You're eccentric and interesting because it's, well, it's you, because it would be much weirder if we'd be sitting here and making boring small-talk and asking each other the genetic get-to-know-you questions," I briefly paused to sip my Dom Peringon and stare at our hands. Gathering my wits. "That would be why I don't do dates. It sounds so tedious on paper, just sorting through people until a person that's not absolutely mind-numbing comes around."

Tony was silent for a moment, the sheen of his eyes, the faraway look; he was lost in memories. Probably remembering all the girls he had charmed before. I didn't doubt it was easy for him: his smile was distracting and people usually were attracted to shiny things. He shone plenty. Also, most people were stupid, they never cared to look past the golden wrapper. I was convinced there was a diamond under it. But then again, I was biased.

"I've never thought about it that way, but I guess you're right," He finally said, serious. "With Pepper, at least, it was. Come to think of it, we never had that much in common, besides Stark Industries and her willingness to put up with my shit." It was painful for him to talk about her, that much was obvious. His laugh was forced and sardonic.

I, on the other hand, never understood why they got together in the first place. Or maybe I did - but the cold, composed Pepper and the chaotic, energetic Tony reminded me too much of my own parents. All four people in this fucked up equation could have been much happier if they choose... What? Being alone? That was terrifying, too.

I kept quiet, giving his hands a gentle squeeze.

"You know, this is so bizarre. Even an eighteen year old kid has got it figured out," He suddenly said, his tone bitter like the coffee that he loved.

"Woah, slow down," I put up a hand. "I never said I know what to do. I just said I know what NOT to do." The 'kid' remark would have made me eye-roll so hard my skull would crack any day. In this context, however, it was pretty spot on.

Tony snorted. "And how did you come by that information, pray tell, Baby?"

I huffed. "Have you met my parents?" We simultaneously cringed and I hurried to erase that mental image. "I make fun of myself for being into old dudes all the time," I made air quotes around the phrase that made Tony scoff, "But, honestly speaking, I've never even been on a date. Like a real one. Usually it's twenty minutes and I'm falling asleep mid-conversation. People can't seem to keep up with me or something," I felt genuinely dejected. "So many meaningless questions, so many downright idiotic comments. From men," I pointed out the obvious. "My mother used to tell me she thought I was gay because I didn't act like a girl... Whatever that means."

"That sounds pretty shitty," Tony was studying me like one would have been looking at an exotic animal in a zoo. "That said, I agree."

"That I don't act like a girl?" I teased him, the left corner of my mouth tilting upward. "Fuck that noise. I want to drive fast cars, drink straight liquor and have orgasms. If that makes me a dude... I look pretty good for a dude in a dress."

We laughed in unison, tension evaporating under the shared, mutual understanding. With Tony, it was easy. The waiter brought our selected dishes. Blink-and-he's-gone. Top notch service.

"A dude in a dress, can't say I'm surprised 'bout your lack of dates," He remarked conversationally, happily digging into his food. The noises he made were intriguing, to say the least, and I followed suit on my own food, finding it absolutely delicious. A delicious meal with a delicious man at my side. I refused to feel guilty about my thoughts.

"I guess I have exactly one (1) date on my ledger now," I raised my argument.

The fork clattered as Tony once again, came to a sudden realization. "Holy shit, you weren't kidding."

"No shit," I gave into the urge to roll my eyes. "But on the upside, my first date was with the most gorgeous, intelligent and witty bachelor of the city. I'd say I don't have it all that bad," I quirked an eyebrow at him.

"Aw, you're making me blush," Tony recovered quickly, grinning. "And don't be shy. The most desired bachelor of the country, if not the world."

I shook my head. "No, the world's most delectable bachelor is one of the Saudi princes. What's-his-name, the one who posts goat and horse pics on Insta," I snapped my fingers a couple of times, trying to remember the name as Tony looked at me all offended. "Anyways, you get my point. I could have a go at him, don't you think?" Cocking my shoulder, coyly twirling the strap of my dress, I gave Tony my best come-hither look and was rewarded with an appreciative once-over. His eyes were growing hungry again.

"You're a million dollar baby," He finally said, voice low. "And the extent of people I would be willing to share you with is very small."

That got me interested, sudden heat prickling underneath my skin. The conversation took a turn I didn't expect it to; and there lied the delight of being around Tony. He was always ready to surprise, in the best way. "Tell me," I requested politely.

"That's a conversation for another time," He was enjoying the chit-chat, desire beginning to creep into his features.

"Mmm, you think?" I allowed the strap of my dress to slip down my shoulder, exposing a collarbone, showing him just how far I was willing to go to satisfy my curiosity.

He swallowed audibly. "I think... You're smart enough to figure it out," He finally gritted his teeth, finishing off his dinner and immediately calling for the check.

I wasn't done yet, however. The possibility of riling him up, taunting him into a lustful frenzy - I was in heaven. Karma had favoured me that evening, it had given me a chance to get Tony back for all the times he unknowingly made my mouth water and my brain go blip. "Must be Steve then," I bit my lip in thought.

Honestly? I was as clueless as the couple next table over. Steve it wasn't, that much I knew for sure, he and Tony had their little love/hate dramatic connection that always ended in a massive ego standoff. Tony would be on the frontline fighting against Steve if the blonde dared to show anything even remotely resembling romantic interest towards someone Tony himself had his eyes on.

"Princess," Tony growled, sarcastically raising an eyebrow.

"Not Steve," I replied, cracking a smile. Success! "You know, I'm really bad at guessing who's into me. Unless someone is balls deep in me," My face was mere inches away as we quickly shrugged on our coats. "And even then, I can't be sure."

My giggling was accompanied by Tony shaking his head in exasperated fashion; he took my hand nonetheless and I happily swayed it between us, poster child for "not a care in the world". He allowed it, maintaining the same exasperated air about him, and I let him. Fondness and happiness seeped through that anyways.

"Brat," His voice was kind. And his kiss tingled where he left it on the corner of my mouth, sweet and short. "Here, have a go," Before I could react, the keys to his Rolls Royce were placed in my palm and he was making his way around the car to the passenger's side.

THE TAG LIST IS NOW OPEN! @another-stark-sub @mostly-marvel-musings @vozit @littlegasps @pilloclock @shereadsinquiet @downeyreads @hermione-grangers-wife @individualistfem @sleep-i-ness @capbrie @lillsxd @agustdowney @dee-vn @justanotherblonde23 @fanngirl19 @persephonehemingway (it finally let me tag you)! @softie-socks @schemefrenzy

#tony stark x reader #tony stark x you #tony stark x y/n #bruce banner x reader #bruce banner x you #bruce banner x y/n #stephen strange x reader #stephen strange x y/n #stephen strange x you #party favours #bun writes

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leechonspeeddial · 4 years

Text

Midnight Shift: A Vampire Burger Queen

Read on ao3

"Get fucked" I said as I dunked the fries into the fryer. If Edward wept at the sounds of classical orchestra, then the bubbling of the hot oil was my siren song.

"Renesmee Carlie Cullen! Do not speak to your m- Bella like that!" I rolled my eyes, the fact the Cullens had made it this far without detection was truly astonishing.

I threw a side glance at my tormentors and nearly snorted. They looked like every second they spent at this Burger King was mounting evidence that confirmed the very existence of hell. Not that I could entirely blame them, no less than three hours ago someone took a shit in the very spot where Edward stood.

Edward, unsurprisingly, grimaced even further.

"If you wanna talk with this 'Renesmee', then you're in the wrong place cuz no one working here goes by that name"

"You're being ridiculous," Bella's expression now matched her husband's. Or what was it in this town? Foster sister, maybe? It was something with equally incestuous vibes.

I shrugged and checked whether or not Straight Kevin was back from his pot break. Still absent, as expected. Reach the skies, king.

"I don't know Isabella, am I? Since when are you the only one allowed to go by a preferred name?" This time, Edward was the one who rolled his eyes.

"You're being deliberately obtuse," maybe so, but they deliberately named me Renesmee, so I felt entitled.

"I go by Resentful Cannibal. Equally ridiculous, but at least its ironic," the expressions on their faces were so hard that they resembled statues far more than they normally did.

The timer rang, so I pulled the fries from the oil. My mouth watered, and not for the first time I wondered when would be the last time I'd find the smell appetizing. Gay Kevin, who also happened to be assistant manager Kevin, was currently on bathroom cleaning duty, so I popped a couple of fries into my mouth.

"Are...are you allowed to do that?" I shrugged at Bella's question. What Gay Kevin didn't see, didn't hurt him.

Edward didn't look impressed.

"Steady Eddy, I hear a fall from a horse that high can be a serious pain in the ass," it was unbelievable that the billionaire serial killer had the audacity to look down at my harmless snacking.

Between potatoes and people, there was no question which one was the more morally bankrupt bite.

Edward's face went from stormy to apocalyptic.

"Gonna order something? We take the no loitering rule very seriously here" At that, Jeremiah - our resident homeless man - looked up from his water. I winked at him, the man had been here long before I started working and I suspected he'd be here long after I left.

Edward sighed.

"Renesmee," I started mentally screeching. "Resentful Cannibal," he corrected, but not without looking as if just saying the name physically pained him. Good.

"Don't be stupid, come back to school with the rest of us. You don't belong here and being a high school drop out is not you"

I raised my eyebrow at him.

"I'm sorry but that isn't in the menu. Would you like a double whopper combo instead?"

I heard the back door open and someone stumble inside the kitchen. Straight Kevin was finally done hot boxing in his car. The pungent smell mixed delightfully with the other scents in the kitchen. I could see Bella stop her breathing. No more talking from her then.

Edward closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose. Class traitor gramps would be proud.

That seemed to be the last straw.

Metaphorically speaking, anyway. I had refilled the straw dispenser when my shift began and since then, no one but me and Straight Kevin had taken any straws. Even so, we were promptly forbidden from grabbing anymore after Gay Kevin saw us using them to projectile soggy paper balls at annoying customers.

"Ok that's it. When you get home we're going to have a very serious conversation about this as a family. This sort of behaviour is unacceptable and you will be facing very serious consequences"

"Wow, to think you guys have more of a problem with me working at Burger King that you do living with a Confederate soldier"

"Renesmee!"

"Isabella!"

"Enough!" I stuck out my split tongue at Edward. He scowled, the forked tongue debacle was one he had resoundingly lost.

"As fun as this has been," I clapped to emphasize each word, "I'm going to have to ask you to leave, because you haven't ordered anything and you're monopolizing my time. Actual paying customers need me right now."

Bella glanced around the nearly empty store. It looked like she was ready to say something, but she must have preferred not being able to smell the establishment, because she only shook her head and left.

Edward stayed in the store for a minute longer before he followed Bella out.

"Have a craptacular day!" I said cheerfully as the door closed after him. Jeremiah snorted.

I leaned on the counter and snacked on more fries, the man was due for a hot meal soon. It was a shame I couldn't take my break until None of Your Fucking Business Kevin started his shift.

I glanced at the clock on the wall and frowned. Not for the first time I wondered which was a worst fate - to spend eternity alone but be free to spend it however I wanted to, or to spend eternity with people like me but be forced to conform to their ridiculous and nonsensical expectations.

I squished a ketchup packet for the sake of it. The condiment more or less exploded all over the place.

Death was also an option.

I sighed. Burger King was so not the place to unpack that.

Maybe someone should check on Gay Kevin, I thought instead while cleaning up my mess. It wouldn't be the first time the toxic fumes from the bathroom made an employee pass out.

I sighed again.

#twilight #twilight renaissance #renesmee cullen #twilight fanfiction #edward cullen #Bella Swan #midnight shift

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porcupine-girl · 4 years

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Untamed Fic Rec List

Look, most of these are reasonably popular fics already, so if you’ve been in this fandom for a couple months you’ve likely read them. Which is not how I normally do rec lists, but I’m new enough to Untamed that I’m still reading through all the fics by authors I know from other fandoms plus ones that have been personally recced to me, so I haven’t made it into the deep dive of underappreciated fics that I normally like to rec.

It doesn’t help that one of these recs is 445K, so for like two weeks straight it was basically all I was reading.

BUT if, like me, you are rather new to this fandom and its fics, here are some good ones:

The Same Moon Shines Series by sami

This is the 445K behemoth, made up of 23 works, and is technically made up of three interrelated series. The first fic, which establishes the whole universe/multiverse, is 139K on its own. Basically, decades into the canon future, WWX invents time travel.

He goes back to being born, but is reborn with all his memories intact. And he fixes, like, fucking everything and it’s so, so fucking satisfying. Everything’s not perfect though - for example, he like lowkey (highkey?) traumatizes LXC by showing him his previous life via empathy and that has some consequences eventually. Featuring ace poly JC/LXC/WQ triad.

Then in a cracky subseries, appropriately called “ridiculous future bullshit”, we assume that the main six from this universe (WWX, LWJ, JC, WQ, LXC, JYL, & Lan Sizhui) all achieve immortality and find out what they’re up to in the modern day, where they’re revered in the Five Nations (this does a great job of staying in the canon world instead of ours) but of course white Western assholes do things like try and make a disney movie called Hanguang-Jun and the Yiling Patriarch where they marry LWJ off to a girl.

And then in a third subseries, which so far has only one WIP fic, we go back to the canon universe, find out that JC and LWJ were stuck there watching WWX disappear in his time machine array (so WWX actually split off into another universe, he didn’t rewind his own), and so they get into the array having no idea what it will do but wanting to chase down the asshole they love. And so a third universe is born, where they are both born with their memories but WWX is not. I absolutely love seeing how different their priorities are from WWX’s in terms of what they want to change in their new life.

(Also: This is technically a MDZS fic that usually goes with novel canon over show canon if there’s a discrepancy, so if like me you haven’t read the whole novel you might need to look up some plot points now and then.)

The Vermillion Ribbon by @unforth

AU where Wei WuXian was taken in by Wen Qing and Wen Ning’s parents instead of the Jiangs. LWJ (who is the POV character) is a super DUPER dick to him at first, like even moreso than in canon, but the speed with which he regrets his choices is breathtaking and extremely satisfying.

LWJ is a VERY unreliable narrator. He has absolutely no idea what is going on with himself or anyone else at any point in time. Eventually he at least becomes self-aware of this fact, and can at least go wait am I missing something? I think I’m missing several somethings but fuck if I know what. Wei WuXian not understanding this about him leads to some miscommunication, because WWX doesn’t get that LWJ needs absolutely everything spelled out to him in single-syllable words with crayon drawings and y’know, WWX isn’t going to be straightforward anytime he can pretend he’s TOTALLY FINE :D :D :D instead.

LWJ’s friendship with NHS is magical, and NHS in general gets 810% more opportunity to scheme and plot pre-time-of-NMJ’s-canonical-death than in canon and is honestly living his best life. It’s also valuable for LWJ to have a scheming friend because, aside from realizing he misjudged WWX, this is how he starts to figure out that he’s a dumbass who has no idea what is going on ever. But he can count on NHS to always be ten steps ahead, so it’s okay.

(ETA: I’m sorry, I made unforth feel like maybe LWJ was too dense, and no, he’s very much not stupid in general. Like, honestly the fact that he becomes so self-aware of the things he’s bad at, and does things like trust NHS to always understand the stuff he’s missing, makes him come off as very intelligent. It’s just in the specific realm of understanding anything that people say or do that isn’t 100% honest and straightforward that he is just entirely hopeless in a rather relatable way, and like I said, WWX’s go-to is hiding any and all pain so that is a bad combo.)

The Fire Lapping Up the Creek by notevenyou

This diverges from canon when WWX is on his way to Jin Ling’s one month celebration, but doesn’t bring Wen Ning along. So when Jin Zixun attacks it goes very poorly for him, poorly enough that Jin Zixuan thinks he’s dead and it’s reported back at Carp Tower as such. Sending LWJ into a dissociative state. He manages to break through to reality just long enough to find out that Jin Zixuan took WWX’s body back to the burial mounds and left it with Wen Qing, and to get on his sword and go directly there. Thankfully, it turns out that WWX is not dead, but only just barely so.

So LWJ stays there, because now that he spent some amount of time (he isn’t really sure if it was like five minutes or two hours, because dissociation) thinking WWX was dead he now knows that he should never, ever be anywhere but with WWX.

Honestly, it almost feels like a spoiler to say WWX doesn’t die, but there’s no major character death warning while there IS one for graphic violence so it’s not a chose not to warn either, so that’s technically not a spoiler. But things are touch-and-go for him for a very, very long time. And the romance is a slow burn with pining galore. And you get to see LWJ teaching A-Yuan to play the guqin, so like imagine being WWX and you wake up from almost dying to see that going on in your cave.

Velle: to will, to wish by @aerlalaith

This one is actually canon-compliant, and as it’s both quite a bit shorter and more straightforward, plot-wise, than the others, my writeup will be short but that doesn’t mean I loved it any less. Basically, it’s the process of LWJ deciding to adopt A-Yuan in the aftermath of WWX’s death. It starts just after he’s been beaten for turning against the other cultivators, and at first it’s mostly his grief and both physical and emotional pain. A-Yuan starts slipping in to visit him. and LWJ isn’t sure if he’s really okay with that at first.

Of course he becomes very okay with it, but the Lan elders and Lan Qiren and all aren’t just going to be like “ok sure you can barely walk you should def adopt a four-year-old of unclear origins who may or may not have something to do with your demonic dead boyfriend and the evil people he helped, that’s cool,” so it’s not that simple.

There’s a followup fic where, years later, LWJ chooses the courtesy name Sizhui and Xichen gives him shit for it.

save a sword, ride a socialist by sysrae / @fozmeadows

Continuing on my grand tour of Untamed fics by my fave writers from other fandoms, I get to enjoy having overlapped with foz on a third straight fandom which is just fabulous. I totally thought I wasn’t gonna read AUs and then this asshole comes along and writes AUs, which is not playing fair.

I especially love this because it’s modern day but much like ridiculous future bullshit it’s modern day in (more or less) a canonish world, not our world. So like, they fly on swords, but not long distances because it’s easier to take a train or drive rather than use up all that spiritual energy.

Lan Qiren and Jin Guangshan miss the old ways, though, and they think the best ancient tradition to bring back is arranged marriage! Because that will go over well with today’s youth. They try to make LWJ marry Mianmian but he’s like “um I’m gay” and LQ throws a hissy fit about that so Jin Zixuan (who is LWJ’s bestie and is fucking hilarious) hatches a plot for LWJ to cause LQ to stroke out by bringing WWX to Lan Xichen’s birthday party as his fake date.

But when LWJ and WWX meet up to talk this over, LWJ is instantly fucked because WWX has a small child with him and it turns out that this small child is the orphan he adopted. He doesn’t notice he’s fucked until a few days later, though, when WWX comes over for “kissing practice” and they fuck and he calls Jin Zixuan all “I think I caught a feel, what do?” and JZX is like idk, you’re a moron, don’t ask me to clean up your moron messes. And the next day LWJ buys a car seat.

Lan Wangji heard about Jack 110% Zimmermann and said “challenge accepted,” is what I’m saying here. And now I’ve written as much about this 33k fic as I did about the 445k, so I’ll shut up before I just recount the entire plot.

#the untamed #fic recs #wangxian #if I haven't recced your fic I probably haven't read it yet #literally this is most of the fics I've managed to read so far #when I say the same moon shines took up all of my reading time for 2-3 weeks I am being entirely serious #and then vermillion ribbon is 220+k so it took a week or two too #so like i've got ao3 emails waiting in my inbox for fics by tippy and moosefeels and through_shadows_falling and a few others #I promise I will get to them!

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allthefilmsiveseenforfree · 4 years

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Magnolia

I don’t know much about Magnolia or Paul Thomas Anderson, but I do know that it takes someone paying me to get me to watch a 3-hr+ drama that doesn’t star Kate Winslet, Leonardo DiCaprio, and a really big boat. This is one of my mom’s favorite movies which is why she requested it for me to review. It’s packed with a balls-to-the-wall star-studded cast (Tom Cruise! Julianne Moore! Phillip Seymour Hoffman! John C. Reilly! William H. Macy! Felicity Huffman!) and I’m genuinely excited to see how they all fit together. Cause they have to all fit together in some coherent way, right? Well...

Do you remember in Sorry to Bother You when the Equisapiens came out and things just took like...a real turn? That’s kind of what this was like. Whereas StBY pushed a thought to its most extreme, but logical, conclusion, what Paul Thomas Anderson has done here feels like a magician doing a lot of impressive illusions - sawing a lady in half, making a motorcycle disappear, pulling smaller things out of bigger things - and then for his final trick, walking onstage amidst a grand plume of smoke, dropping his pants, taking a gigantic shit, and then saying, “You’ve been a great audience, thanks a lot and goodnight!” It’s not like you can say the experience was BAD. Everything up to the finale was a really great time! But when you’re left on a note that is that bafflingly odd, it kinda colors the way you’ll remember the whole thing.

Magnolia is the story of one long day in the life of 12 people living in Los Angeles who are all connected via an extensive web from acquaintances to married couples to parents and children to paid caregivers and beyond. It’s a day that has the same kind of ups and downs as any other day until it, well, turns into something else entirely. I’m not sure how else to explain it, but if you want to know more, spoilers will be spoiled below.

Some thoughts:

Patton Oswalt cameo! I am a massive fan and thought I knew his whole filmography and OMG how did I not know that he was in this!!

Ok, in spite of my skepticism this entire opening sequence about coincidence had me hooked IMMEDIATELY. Like, this is some damn good storytelling, if this were a novel, I would not be able to put it down - that pull, that’s what it feels like.

Am I the only person whose encyclopedic memory of character actors/roles gets distracted when they see someone from something that is wildly disparate compared to the role you’re currently watching? For example, I had to pause the movie and confirm via IMDB that I did just see Professor Sprout from HP scream “Shut the fuck up!” at her husband while brandishing a shotgun.

Would people really recognize a grown ass man from being a successful child game show contestant? I’ll tell you the answer, no they wouldn’t, because no one realizes that Peter Billingsley (aka Ralphie from A Christmas Story) is the head of the elf production line in Elf.

I knew this was a stacked cast, but holy SHIT this is a stacked cast. If I had $1 for every fantastic character actor I recognize in this, I would have at least $37, and these are people in the film who have maybe 2-3 lines each. It’s a deep bench is what I’m saying.

This makes me miss Phillip Seymour Hoffman so, so very much.

Watching PSH care for and be so compassionate and gentle with his hospice patient, Earl (Jason Robards),makes my heart ache terribly. All of the people who have been unable to perform this kindness, this type of compassionate care for their closest loved ones as they lie dying in isolation of Covid...it’s overwhelming.

OMG I’m counting 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 Very Good Dogs in the old man’s house!

I know Scientology is evil and he’s undeniably a complicated and morally grey person. I know all that. But goddamn I just love watching Tom Cruise COMMIT. Particularly when he commits to just absolute fucking sleazebag slimeballs. And boy oh boy is Frank Mackey an absolute fucking sleazebag slimeball.

Related - I know Frank looks like Tom Cruise, so he could get people to sleep with him no matter what, but I honestly feel like as a human being, this flesh suit is WAY more attractive balding and fat in Tropic Thunder than he is in this shiny brown shirt/leather vest/long hair combo.

I’m getting an uncomfortable vibe about these black characters being written by an artsy white dude, because I don’t know any young black kids who want to hang around with cops and offer up information about who committed a murder in their building. In fact, the way all of the black characters are treated in this film - as liars, criminals, the disingenuous “main stream media,” and thieves - feels rooted in some racist ass bullshit. We see a lot of nuance in our white characters, but even in a film that has, shockingly, more than one key black role, we don’t get that spectrum or nuance.

There is nothing I would love more than to learn that Frank Mackey is 1) gay 2) impotent or 3) both. He’s so disgustingly over-the-top misogynistic, it honestly feels like it should all be a complete act.

I confess I am on the edge of my seat trying to figure out how all these narrative threads tie together. It’s compelling as hell, even though half the time I don’t know why these people are having these long, meandering conversations. The pacing feels so deliberate, like a puzzle coming together. There’s real craftsmanship in how every scene is plotted to feel connected rather than manic or disjointed.

This pharmacist is being unprofessional as hell. Judgy McJudgerson, mind your fucking business, Julianne Moore’s father is dying! [ETA: ope, that’s embarrassing, Earl is actually her husband.]

NO THE DOG IS EATING THE PILLS OH NO VERY CONCERNED ABOUT THE DOG.

I think I knew this, but this soundtrack is fantastic. All Aimee Mann and Supertramp, and Jon Brion’s score is this thrumming, anxious thing full of strings that underscore all these nervous conversations, and then it shifts into these low, mournful horns when things start to take a turn and everyone is reaching their lowest points.

I love this interviewer (April Grace) who is taking Frank (Tom Cruise) to task. I think it’s particularly noteworthy that she is a black woman, because the kind of misogyny Frank peddles is rooted in white supremacy.

Stanley (Jeremy Blackman) is breaking my goddamn heart here. I think he and Phil (PSH) are my favorite characters.

Jim (John C Reilly) is the perfect example of how even a cop with the best intentions, with absolute kindness and love is in heart, is abusing his power and sexually harassing a woman he encountered in the line of duty, who is eager to appease him because she doesn’t want to be charged with a crime. This movie reads a LOT differently than it did in 1999.

I normally really love Julianne Moore, but she is a screeching mess in this. I can’t stop staring at her mouth and all the contortions it makes as she delivers every line in hysterics. She’s one of the few weak spots for me here.

Listening to Frank go on his whole diatribe about what society does to little boys to break them and victimize them HAS to be the source of where Keith Raniere got at least half of his NXIVM bullshit. Like, some of these points are word-for-word.

Also if Frank makes as much money as he seems to, there’s no way he would drive a shitty Saturn sedan.

It feels like the common thread of this movie is everyone is terrible and cheats on their spouses, and you should come clean when you get cancer so you can die peacefully. Weird moral, but ok.

If Jim is a cop, how does he not see that this woman he’s interested in (Melora Walters) is coked out of her mind?

Y’know for being a quiz kid, Donnie (William H. Macy) sure is kinda stupid.

I confess I’m not taking many notes throughout this because I’m just kind of sitting breathlessly still watching all these conversations unfold because I am on the edge of my fucking seat to find out how all this is gonna come together.

Secret MVP of this movie is the mom from A Christmas Story (Melinda Dillon) who is giving the performance of her goddamn life as Jimmy Gator’s wife.

Did I Cry? On the surface it appears ridiculous, but when Tom Cruise is having his breakdown at his dying father’s bedside, I admit, that really got me. If you’ve ever been faced with that kind of hysterical, I-can’t-believe-this-is-happening, it feels like the whole world is ending kind of shock and hurt and anger, that’s what the crying looks like.

Are those......frogs?? That landed on Jim’s car? It’s raining fucking frogs???? OK for those of you sensitive to frog harm, this movie is going to take a real hard left turn for you, because I swear that came out of NOWHERE.

Um.

What.

Pray tell.

The fuck.

The climax of this movie - is when literal frogs rain from the sky.

And we finally got resolution about the dog, and the dog DID die, and I’m pissed about it. It’s offscreen but still.

I'm sorry - I know I’m fixating. But how is it possible that I knew about all the characters performing a sing-along to Aimee Mann’s (excellent) song “Wise Up” but I did NOT know that the climax of the film involves literally thousands of frogs falling to their death from the sky? How is that something that escapes entry into the cultural zeitgeist? I’m with it, you guys. I have been Very Online for over a decade, and before that, I read a lot of Entertainment Weekly, and like it just seems that this is something that pop culture really should have told me.

I think the funniest moment of this movie might be the credits in which I discovered that not only is Luis Guzman playing a man named Luis, he’s actually playing himself. I don’t know why, but I can’t stop laughing about it. That was a 189-minute setup to one dumb punchline.

I think I loved this movie but I don’t quite know. The frog thing really threw me. What I’m taking away from it is that even when it doesn’t feel like it or seem like it, we are all connected to each other, always, in ways we can’t see or know. As Wife astutely pointed out, it’s reminiscent of the pandemic - we’re all in the same storm, but we each have our own boats and our own experiences within that storm. And it’s kind of nice to remember that right now, that connection still exists even when it feels so far away. Just not if you’re a frog I guess, cause they really got the short end of the stick here.

If you liked this review, please consider reblogging or subscribing to my Patreon! For as low as $1, you can access bonus content and movie reviews, or even request that I review any movie of your choice.

#121in2021 #magnolia #magnolia review #paul thomas anderson #tom cruise #julianne moore #phillip seymour hoffman #John C Reilly #william h macy #movie reviews #film reviews #patreon review

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pilot-boi · 4 years

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Shouting In Cafes: Chapter 14

Catching Feelings

Mistakes were made. Astronomical mistakes. Neptune might be starting to come around to his friends’ point of view on the situation

AO3 LINK

After about twenty minutes, Sun started to get bored. “Wow, this sucks, all these people suck,” he muttered, looking disappointed.

“Have you never tried online dating before?” Neptune asked.

“No, usually people come up to me and ask me out on dates.”

Neptune frowned. “Wow.” Surely he just misspoke when he said ‘people’ and not ‘girls.’ Because Sun was definitely straight. Shut up Voice-Of-Scarlet in the back of his head.

“I think I’ve asked out one person ever.”

“Yeah? Did it go well?” Again, with him saying one person and not one girl.

“Well, I’m single now.”

Neptune felt a curl of guilt in his stomach, remembering the hand he had to play in that whole ordeal. “Yeah.”

“Anyway, none of those people were good enough for you,” Sun said casually, swiping through the other pages on Neptune’s phone.

Neptune laughed. “No?”

“No.” He looked Sun right in the eye when he said this, bright blue eyes narrowed as if daring him to argue. Neptune didn’t think he’d ever heard Sun be so convinced of anything.

“Whatever you say.”

“Bro, you are by far the coolest guy that I have ever met in my life. I swear I will get you a date or die trying, Neptune Vasilias,” Sun said, finally putting down the phone and pointing a finger directly into Neptune’s face.

Neptune raised an eyebrow. “How do you know my last name?” He was fairly convinced that he’d never told him his full name.

“Nora.”

“Wait how the fuck do you know Nora? How does everyone know her?!”

“Ren’s in my psych class,” he said, waving a hand to brush him off. “Bro, are they dating?”

“Nobody fucking knows, and they’re not answering.” How was this his life? How was this an almost casual conversation that he hadn’t even noticed they were having?

Neptune couldn’t remember the last time he had a conversation with someone that went this smoothly without him analysing everything and knowing exactly what to say without needing to think about it. Talking to Sun was so easy, when had that happened?

They’d freaking screamed at each other during their first conversation. What had changed in the intervening time?

“No, but really. I’m serious about you being the best, bro,” Sun continued as if he’d never been interrupted.

“Damn, okay.” He rolled his eyes.

“Neptune.” God, he sounded so serious. Neptune jumped a little when he saw how close Sun was to his face. He had to be leaning across the entire table, as if that was an okay thing to do. A kind of intense prideful fire was in his eyes, and for once he wasn’t smiling.

It changed his entire face. Neptune’s traitorous mind stumbled back to their first drive. Sun had been this close before, too. Exactly as close, with the stars above them reflecting the flecks of gold in his eyes. With this same expression of concern and somehow… pride. Pride in Neptune.

Looking at him like he was the only thing in the world-

Nope! Nope nope nope, not having that!

“Jesus! You scare me with your intensity sometimes!” Neptune sat up straight in his chair. Anything to get some distance between the two of them.

Sun laughed, and Neptune couldn’t help but watch his chest as it rose and fell in shuddery bursts. The smile was back, and Neptune would be lying if he said he hadn’t missed it. Neptune didn’t know what to do with a Sun without that smile, in those moments when he became so serious and intense out of nowhere.

“Do you wanna go get some food?” Sun asked, smiling so genuine and so bright it was almost blinding.

“Sure,” Neptune heard himself say. The thought of saying no never once crossed his mind.

Before Neptune realized it, he had Wendy’s in his lap and Sun was driving him back to his dorm. The speed was just as breakneck as before. Sun apparently only knew how to drive if it was at least twenty miles over the speed limit.

When they arrived back at Neptune’s dorm building, Sun screeched to a halt at the sidewalk. Before Neptune could even move to open the door, Sun had leapt from his side of the car and scrambled over the hood to open it for him.

If he was really that excited, why begrudge him the opportunity?

Sun yanked the door open and flashed him that too bright smile of his, giving a mock bow. Neptune rolled his eyes. Stupid not-frat boy, holding the door for him. Shut up.

With Neptune’s attention occupied with his phone, he didn’t notice that Sun was strangely quiet. Any quiet was strange for him, so this really should have stood out like a sore thumb.

Neptune’s eyes drooped, and he longed for his bed. Sun was walking much closer than he really had any need to be, the two were practically brushing shoulders. Their hands kept brushing, and everytime they did Sun’s face would do a flush/grin combo, and Neptune wouldn’t be able to meet his eyes.

Paying attention to his phone would keep him from just grabbing Sun’s hand. That would work. He did not want to hold his hand. Nope. Not even a little bit. The bland concrete stairs they were climbing up were extremely interesting.

Turns out that diverting all of his attention to one thing was his undoing.

“Hey watch for the-” Sun said a moment too late from in front of him, and then Neptune’s foot stepped into open air onto the step that wasn’t there.

With a very undignified yelp, Neptune swayed forward and then back, and then finally toppled forward towards the stairs they’d just climbed. Neptune scrambled to get his feet back under him, but he was too tired, and his movements were too sluggish, and it was too late he was falling-

“Hey!” A large calloused hand enveloped his own. Neptune’s rapid descent to the sidewalk below jerked to a halt. One foot still on the final stair, one foot in the open air, and Sun’s hand holding him up from the brink.

The other’s blue eyes were wide with a shocked sort of alarm. Their eyes met, and Neptune felt a thrill go up his spine.

Guess they did end up holding hands.

Sun pulled him back up to standing, babbling the entire time about how Neptune had to be more careful, and he should watch where he’s going, and was he okay. But all Neptune could notice was that they were standing nearly chest to chest. Alone. In the dark courtyard.

A yelp escaped him when Sun pulled him into a bone crushing hug. “God, bro, don’t do that to me, my heart can’t take it.”

“Yeah well.” Neptune could feel his heartbeat through his shirt. “I didn’t exactly do it on purpose, dumbass”

Sun pulled back. “When I asked if you were falling for me, this wasn’t exactly what I had in mind you know.” He flashed him a cheeky smile, still standing far too close.

Neptune’s mouth was saying words before his brain had time to vet them. “Give it a minute,” he heard himself say, “You’ve got more of a shot than you think.” As soon as he said them, he wanted to take them back. What the hell had possessed him to say that? The ghost of Cupid Past?!

“I- what?” Sun started to snark back, then froze. His eyes were so wide Neptune could see the stars reflected in them, and his face was flushed a red to rival Scarlet’s hair. For once he seemed to be at a loss for words.

Finally, what he’d said processed in Neptune’s mind.

Oh dear God in heaven, saints preserve him.

They stood like that for a minute. Chests nearly touching, Sun still holding his hand, alone in a dark courtyard. Leaning towards each other imperceptibly, closer, closer, and-

A car alarm went off in the parking lot.

-The two of them leapt back from each other like they’d just been caught doing something they shouldn't have. The thoughts of what that something almost was were chasing themselves across Neptune’s mind, one after another.

Neptune couldn’t meet Sun’s eyes, and Sun kept rubbing the back of his neck. Even his ears were tinged red. For once, Neptune could almost read him. He was thinking the same things. Fuck. Dammit. He averted his eyes.

“I’m… I’m gonna go,” Neptune muttered, glancing at Sun. He was shocked to find Sun looking at him like he’d never seen him before. One of those in between expressions, that left Sun looking so open but so unreadable.

Pushing the door to the stairwell open, he finally managed to meet Sun’s eyes and murmur a quiet, “Good night.” His face was still bright red, he could feel it.

“Night, bro,” Sun said with a soft smile, in as close to a murmur as the other boy was probably capable of. One hand shoved in a pocket, the other gave Neptune a small wave.

He’d been holding that hand just minutes before, he couldn’t help thinking as he climbed the dark stairwell. He’d nearly fallen down the god damn stairs, then Sun had caught him, and then… Well Neptune was still bright red thinking about what nearly happened next.

Scarlet opened up his door, his perfectly styled hair going in every direction and a sleep mask pushed up onto his forehead. He found a very red-faced Neptune standing just outside, his shoulders hiked up to his ears and oil stains on his shirt.

“Oh, you’re back,” Scarlet yawned, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes. “Did you actually need something, or do you just delight in bothering me?”

Neptune didn’t say anything at first. Scarlet waited.

Until finally, “Okay! Maybe I’m a little gay for Sun!”

Scarlet snorted. “Congratulations, you’re officially the last person to know.”

And he shut the door in Neptune’s face.

#rwby #neptune vasilias #sun wukong #seamonkeys #scarlet david #lie ren #nora valkyrie #mine #my writing #writing wednesday #shouting in cafes #coffee shop rwby #chapter 14

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ambitionsource · 4 years

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Hi, I am so here for all this ambition content right now. I check this page every day! I remember u guys mentioning about a rl and dasher road trip and I was wondering about that! Thank you!

hello pal!! literally so honored and happy that you’re enjoying ambition and the fact that you check our page every day... ugh you’re too sweet. hopefully the nonsense we do around here is entertaining! very happy to have you in our fandom community <3

so yes, rl + da road trip! i hope it’s okay that i took a bit to answer this, bc i wanted to ruminate on it for a bit before typing it up. so as y’all know we refer to the summer between s1 and 2 as “cruel summer” (thank u tswift), and similarly we have a code name for the summer between s2 and 3 which is “summer of love.” this is admittedly mainly because of rl, but also because a majority of the characters are in such a better headspace this summer than they were last.

boppin the rest under a read more, because i just go on... and on... and on............. (i really love rl & da)

-- Maggie

one facet of this summer is that around... july sometime, dylucasher decide they want to take a trip down to virginia beach (or the beaches in that general vicinity) because they want to check out a beach that isnt grey and cold like the ones close to them in ny, and because a trip before their last year of school together seems like a fun and Classic idea. originally they plan it for just the three of them, but somehow riley comes up and all of them agree -- especially dylan -- that it would be way more fun if she came along too. so they try to convince her to come along, which doesn’t take much convincing, it’s more so about figuring out how she’s going to get around cory because if he knew she wanted to go on a like week long trip with her boyfriend (who he doesn’t really trust) and two other boys he would probably have a heart attack.

you know, it would be like “you can’t go on an overnight trip with three boys!!!” “dad, you know dylan and asher. they’re gay. they’ve been dating for three years. they’re GAY. i do not think i’m at ALL at risk in that scenario???” fsdfSDKGDL

so riley devises a plan / cover story that involves like “going to stay with mom” for a few days, maybe a lie about staying over at isa’s or yindra’s for a couple days in there, you know, she lays out the whole lie and then bribes maya to go along with it and help cover her tracks (rl have very inverse influences on one another -- where riley sort of tames lucas and helps calm him and make him less feral, she develops a bit of a rebellious streak from him or just better identifies the nuances of which rules should be followed vs which were meant to be bent or broken..)

the good thing about this road trip is that it’s what truly cements riley’s friendship with dylan and asher. they’ve been toeing the line of friendship for like two years now (as riley said in cruel summer, she regretted not taking the time and establish a friendship with them in sophomore year before everything fell apart), and it’s kind of like it’s bound to happen. riley and asher takes a little more time to grow and develop just because of the kind of person asher is, but on this road trip dylan and riley just Click. like they were basically made to be best friends, dylan is the first person who kind intrinsically Gets riley and they match each other in terms of enthusiasm / personality / brightness. again, a friendship that’s just been Waiting to happen, and this trip really brings that to the forefront.

(on that note, i once joked that when dylan and riley get really into chatting about something and lucas zones out, they start sounding like the villagers in animal crossing to him. like if he stops paying attention for even a second suddenly dyley sound like this. and i stand by that claim.)

as for the trip itself, its not like i have the whole thing perfectly plotted or anything like that, more just... musings and ideas. oh and a playlist, of course i have a playlist. obviously they’re really good about swapping around drivers and sort of organizing their time since they only have a week, and i think it’s mainly funded by dylan’s youtube vlogger coin. asher helps and riley chips in her fair share, but dylan basically covers lucas because obviously he can’t pay but they all want him there. he makes up for this by driving the most even tho the other three insist its not a big deal.

when it comes to sharing space, the quartet of them are pretty good at it. obviously when they stop for the night they just share beds by couple, but it is interesting to think about how different these two relationships are in terms of like... you know, where they’re at. like its super easy for da to share a bed because they basically do that all the time now, but for rl breaking that boundary would be a kind of unspoken big deal and lucas would be so cautious about it. like they spend most of the summer in riley’s car (can’t hang out at her place with cory there and no one is going to lucas’s) and so theyve probably like fallen asleep together there once or twice and maybe napped ONCE at riley’s place when maya and cory were both gone in the 2.5 months they’ve been together, but it’s still... not the same. so at first lucas would be really nervous about it, but after the first couple of nights he’d relax and realize its really not that big a deal -- esp since riley seems pretty confident and comfortable with it. by the end of the week, lucas wakes up in the middle of the night and riley has cuddled up next to him and he’s like... okay MAYBE sharing a bed with someone makes points. perhaps.

one of the nights on the way down the coast, what truly breaks the ice for dylan and riley is that they break out a SMALL amount of alcohol and both get tipsy (which for them is just like. giddy and giggly and very chatty. they’re both happy drunks without a doubt). lucas and asher don’t indulge bc lucas doesn’t trust himself getting intoxicated and asher is just wary of it in general, but they figure dyley can do it as long as they’re both supervising. so dylan and riley talk A LOT that night and truly form their Kindred Spirit bond and also lucasher end up regretting letting them drink bc for like a half an hour dyley do this thing where they just pretend to share secrets with one another. like they theatrically whisper in one another’s ears and look at lucasher while they’re doing it and then start laughing and they’re literally not saying anything Important (like it’s probably like riley being like “psst... i think lucas is... hee hee... lucas is hot”) and then dylan cracking up and agreeing but bc lucasher don’t know what they’re saying they’re like ha ha very funny........... but y’all aren’t talking about us doe right. wait, what did you say. hold on --

a lot of the trip is also based around being in nature and the outdoors, since they don’t get to do much of that day-to-day in manhattan. considering one of their favorite spots to hang out as a group during senior year is at central park, they’re all definitely fresh air outdoorsy kind of people to a degree. so like, stopping at parks, going on hikes, and of course the beach itself. i made an instagram edit of one of said hikes when i was testing a template i made:

naturally, and i swear this happens at least once on a long road trip whether it is with family or friends or any combo of people, but you hit a point where you get irritable and start to get a little sick of one another. i think in this case that mainly starts between lucas and asher, because although they’re Best Friends i think lucas has a knack for finding ways of irritating him. and also lucas probably gets irritated by dylan’s high energy after too much time with no breaks, so he’s also snappy, and as they’re on the way back up to nyc people are spatting at one another or getting snippy over stupid things so riles is like. here’s an idea! how about we split up for the day when we get to philadelphia. this is an excellent idea and none of them are opposed, so when they arrive in philly, dylan and asher split off to go explore the city + historical sites.

what do riley and lucas do? well, riley takes lucas to meet her grandparents, of course.

at first lucas is like ummmmmmm no because he’s SUPER nervous about meeting her family -- the only family he’s met is cory and we know that’s... unideal, and eric, both of whom have a completely different perception of him bc of school and his behavioral record. he’s yet to meet topanga or auggie yet or anything like that -- but riley assures him that her grandparents are chill and she has no doubt she’ll like them. they’re also meeting lucas with a completely blank slate (i.e. no preconceived notions about him like those who work at aaa), so it’s not hard for lucas to make a good impression since he really is like... a good guy. not to mention no way is he snarky or deadpan in situations where he doesn’t feel comfortable or like he has the right lmao, so he’s on his BEST behavior around amy and alan.

the good thing is that alan himself kind of had a similar background and run on the wild side that lucas does (kind of like jack, altho jack was never as troubled as lucas), and so i think he would kind of... inherently Get him. like he’d strike up a conversation with him and at first lucas would be like omg why is this man speaking to me please i’m invisible pretend i’m not here... but after a bit he’d find it’s surprisingly easy to talk to alan. and they’d talk for like an hour and get on pretty well. meanwhile, amy is talking to riley and is like so... let me guess. cory does not know you’re traveling with your boyfriend???? and riley is like... perhaps. maybe don’t tell him? pretty please? and once amy convenes with alan and is like how is he and alan is all “he’s fine, we can approve,” then they agree not to rat riley out.

riley and lucas also climb up into the matthews tree house and take a look around and they comment on how strange it is that cory and eric once used to like, hang out in there and in that house and were once teenagers (lucas: be careful this is humanizing your father too much for me). and i’d think they’d sit up in the treehouse for a little bit and just talk and riley would talk about how nice it must’ve been to grow up in the suburbs like this, and she’s surprised when lucas agrees and he admits he fucking hates living in manhattan. and that kind of prompts this subtle internal thinking in both of them of like hmm well... maybe in the future when things are different and we can make our own rules maybe we’ll move out of the city and into a quieter life... they don’t say any of that out loud, but they’re both thinking it. and at the tail end of that conversation riley kisses lucas which turns into a Really Good Kiss... but then they’re interrupted by amy calling for them to come down for dinner and its kind of like lmao, they’re both a little bashful but in a casual silly way

#riley x lucas #dylan x asher #riley x dylan #rl x da #SOL #bonus content #kind of lol #is this readable? who knows. i just really Love them #thank you for asking about them!!!#there's also an insta edit buried in here gJFDLGH #Anonymous #answered #high praise tag

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she-is-tim · 5 years

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I love hating you | Elu enemies to lovers AU | Ch. 2

Previous Chapters: 1

Lucas is an angry, closeted and frustrated gay teenager, while Eliott is the handsome, smart and popular guy in school. They hate each other… but not forever.

You are surprising

Lucas woke up with a terrible headache, feeling sick. He walked to the bathroom, taking in a painkiller and brushing his teeth. He could feel the smell of sweat and alcohol on himself. His face looked like a car accident with some horseshit on top of it. He walked back to the couch where he was sleeping, he hoped that Mika has to work today, so he won’t be bothering him. Lisa usually spent the weekends in her room anyways. Manon was still upset because of her breaking up with Charles, so she didn’t really came out of her room during weekends either.

He laid down, trying to ignore the terrible sound of his “bed”. It wasn’t really uncomfortable and considering that he barely could pay the rent, it was more than he could have asked for. He pulled the blanket over his head. His legs felt numb now, his stomach was tiny, his chest hurt. He knew it was just his anxiety trying to take over, but it still freaked him out. Feeling so empty was just the worst.

As he was struggling with his apathy, flashes of last night started to hunt his brain. He barely remembered anything after the first joint he smoke with Arthur. He could feel a touch of warm hands on his shoulder, a nice smell coming into his nose, stormy blue eyes appearing in his mind. Lucas pulled up his knees to his chest, still staying under the blanket. He wanted to stop thinking about it, but flashes of Eliott just kept coming.

His happy smile, the way he looked at Lucas when they were in the bus stop, the feeling of his arms around him. His warm and strong chest, his messy hair and oh, those damn blue eyes. Lucas wanted to scream, rip out his brain and just throw it away. He was feeling everything and nothing at the same time. He hated this.

It was a real struggle going to school on monday, especially since he spend his sunday arguing with Mika. He was telling Lucas how lazy and useless he was around the house, that he was supposed to take care of the dishes on saturday and clean the bathroom, but he didn’t do it. Lucas was far beyond the point where he tried to explain things to his flatmate, because it was pointless. And Mika was also done with Lucas’ bullshit. They both knew that Lucas wasn’t being honest, but since the younger one refused to talk about his problems, Mika couldn’t do anything for him.

He walked to his locker, taking out the books he needed and putting in the ones he doesn’t need until afternoon. He was so busy with packing, he didn’t notice the person appearing by his side, leaning to the lockers, arms crossed in front of his chest. When he closed the door of his locker, he jumped back, looking like a deer caught in headlight. Eliott smirked at him, eyes sparkling like the summer sky.

“Morning.” He said on a soft tone, looking excited. Lucas had no idea why he was acting like this and he didn’t even wanted to know. “Are you okay?”

“Someone definitely overdosed you this morning, Demaury.” he said with a suspicious look on his face.

“I think it was you who got a bit too overdosed on friday.” he said, still with that annoying smile on his face.

“Thank you for reminding me of that.” he said, rolling his eyes. He was hugging his backpack to his chest, hoping that Eliott will finally leave, so he can breathe a little.

“You didn’t even let me get you a taxi. But I can see you got home safe.” he said, reaching his hand out to put a stray lock of hair behind Lucas’ ear. The smaller boy jumped a little, taking a step back. Eliott seemed to be amused by that. Fuck you, Demaury.

“Don’t touch me.” he said angrily.

Eliott was ready to answer when someone walked to them, punching his shoulder gently. It was Alex, smiling brightly, ruffling his friends hair, which made Eliott’s smile to turn into a grumpy expression.

“Morning, Eliott.” he said happily and then looked at Lucas, giving him a fistbump. “Morning, Lulu.”

“Good morning, Alex.” Lucas said with a soft smile, it always cheered him up how this guy was acting like Lucas was his younger brother.

“What do you want, dude?” Eliott asked a bit annoyed, Lucas was surprised how his enthusiasm were gone now. He seemed to be annoyingly happy just a couple minutes ago.

“I am not here because of you.” Alex said and handed Lucas the scarf he left at his place on friday. “Here, I guess this one is yours, Lulu.” He said smiling, ignoring the piercing stare he got from Eliott. Lucas smiled happily, he totally forgot about his scarf, and it was kinda cold today, so he will need it for sure. He grabbed it and stuffed into his bag.

“Thanks, Alex. I thought I lost it forever.”

“Next time make sure you don’t leave it behind.” he said softly, ruffling Lucas’ hair. The short one chuckled, he really felt like the younger brother of Alex, it made his day a bit less shitty.

“I will, thank you.”

“No worries.” Alex said and walked away with a big smile on his face. Lucas was still smiling, looking back at Eliott, who seemed to be really upset now. He tilted his head, looking into those stormy eyes. He’s so fucking handsome.

“What’s wro...”

“Whatever, I’m going to class.” Eliott said, walking away just as quickly as he appeared. Lucas was watching him a bit shocked and confused. He is just as weird as good looking.

Days passed and Lucas haven’t see Eliott much, only on their literature class, but he was strangely quiet, barely even said hi to Lucas. The small boy was a bit concerned about his behavior, not admitting to himself that he was actually worried.

On wednesday he got a message from his mother, a short verse from the bible, including the fires of hell and some other shit like that. Lucas tried to forget about it. He had to text his father to remind him that he needed to pay the rent. His parents were just the worst, even though his mother wasn’t like this on purpose, it felt like he had no one to rely on.

He was already very frustrated, so after his classes he decided to go to the common room. He had no patience to listen to Mika’s bullshit and he had no chores to do today anyways. He walked in, but the girls weren’t there. He was surprised, but also glad. It was nice to be finally alone, letting go of himself and forgetting the lies he was building each day.

He looked at the piano in the corner, right in front of that terrible mural. Daphné was planning to repaint it, she had a lot of ideas to redecorate the common room, maybe that’s why they weren’t here. He could remember Emma saying that they wanted to get some stuff for Daphné’s plans this week.

His steps were unsure a bit, but then he decided to fuck it and walked to the piano, sitting down on the little bench in front of it. He opened the key lid, looking at the black and white keyboard. He haven’t played in a long time now, since they didn’t have a piano at the flat, but he loved to learn playing the piano, making his mom smile with some silly or happy music.

He was searching for melodies in his head, he remembered a complicated piece from a couple years ago. He was supposed to go to a competition with it, but his mom snapped just a day before, so he had to take care of her. He put his fingers on the keys, they were cold, but made him feel warm in his chest. A bit of nostalgia crawled its way up inside him and this time he let it to take over. He took a deep breath and started to play.

His mind got lost into the song, he closed his eyes and enjoyed the freedom he felt spreading in his chest. He forgot about his pain, his worries, his lies, he was just living with the music his fingers created on the instrument. It was really magical and he felt sad when the song ended. He wished it could go on forever, to just sit here and keep playing the piano until the end of the world.

He stopped playing, opening his eyes when he heard slow clapping, he jumped, turning around quickly to see Eliott Demaury himself standing in the door of the common room. He was standing there a while now, cause his bag was in front of his legs, not on his back. He was wearing dark jeans that were ripped at the knee parts, a black shirt and his usual hoodie jacket combo. But the thing that catched Lucas’ attention was his stunning smile and those piercing eyes. They were filled with so much emotion, focusing on Lucas like he was the only person on the whole world.

“That was awesome.” Eliott said after a minute of clapping.

Lucas didn’t know what to say, just watched as Eliott grabbed the straps of his bag, walking inside and closing the door behind him. He felt his heart beating faster as the boy got closer and closer. Finally he was standing in front of Lucas, looking down at him, still with that weird expression on his face. He couldn’t decide what he saw in those eyes, they looked like the sea on a really windy day, filled with waves of emotions.

“You are surprising.” he said, looking into Lucas’ eyes.

“I wasn’t expecting anyone to hear it.” He mumbled, finally able to find his voice, but that was basically all he could push out. He was just in total panic thanks to the tall boy, stading so close to him. His neck was hurting because of looking up at him, but he didn’t wanted to break eyecontact.

“Didn’t know you can play piano. I wonder if there’s anything else you keep in secret.” he said with a soft, teasing smile.

“Not like you don’t know it already.” Lucas said, pointing out how Eliott knows about his sexuality.

“That was more of a guess. And you made my suspicions turn out to be right with how you reacted to me.” he said smiling. Lucas could punch him in the face. How dare he be so stunningly sweet? That was illegal.

“I hate you so much.” Lucas mumbled, blaming his own stupidity for letting Eliott indirectly know that he is gay. The tall boy chuckled, running his fingers through his own hair, looking at Lucas happily.

“I know that.” he said smiling.

“Why are you here?” Lucas couldn’t find a better question to ask, his brain was fucking him up so bad. Eliott’s smell was crawling into his nose, the flashes from friday night started to haunt him again. He remembered Eliott’s arms around his body, holding him so carefully, but still strongly. He remembered the warmth of his body and his breath on his neck. He got goosebumps just thinking about it.

“I was on my way going home, then I heard the music. When I saw you sitting here, playing the piano... I just couldn’t leave.” he explained.

Lucas felt his heart skipping a beat, he couldn’t tell why, but it made him happy that Eliott wanted to stay and listen to his music. They were staring at each other for long minutes, he had no idea who took the first move, but their face was so close now that he felt Eliott’s breath on his lips. He closed his eyes, lips opening a little. He was just following the moment, not thinking about what he was about to do. Their lips almost touched, when they heard a loud banging.

Eliott pulled back, putting his bag on his shoulder, looking really lost and avoiding to look into the other boy’s eyes. The girls walked into the common room, bringing lots of special stuff with them, chatting and laughing loudly. They were already inside when they noticed the boys. Lucas quickly closed the lid of the piano. Manon and Emma were too busy talking, but Daphné smiled at them softly.

“Hey, I wasn’t expecting of you guys to be here.” she said softly. “We got some supplies to redecorate the common room.”

“That’s amazing, Daphy.” Lucas said softly, trying to forget about that moment with Eliott, which was hard considering that said boy was standing just a few meters away from him.

“I was just... I heard you wanna repaint that shit.” Eliott said, pointing at the mural. “If you need help with it, I can try to make something better to cover it.” he offered with a little smile now. He looked at Lucas, who was staring at him in awe. Eliott repainting the mural? How can he be so fucking perfect?

“Oh really?” Daphné asked with that bright smile of her. “That is so generous of you! I would love that.” she said excitedly. “I was actually worried, since I didn’t wanted to just repaint it to a certain color, but none of us is really the artistic type, y’know.” she said looking at the girls. They were packing stuff out of bags and boxes, discussing where to put all those, how to start the decoration.

“I’ll let you know when I have free time to do it.” Eliott said. “I gotta go now. See you.” he said, but when he said the last two words, he was looking at Lucas only, which made the boy gasp. Then Eliott disappeared behind the door and he stayed there with the girls. He joined them in the packing, trying to get into the conversation, so he wouldn’t be thinking about that he almost kissed Eliott fucking Demaury.

It was really late, Lucas was staring at his phone, more specifically a picture of Eliott on instagram. It was just a simple selfie, he looked into the camera, his hair was messy, he had dark circles around his eyes like always. He wasn’t smiling, well not the way he smiled at Lucas. It was just a half-smirk playing on his lips. The caption said: “Missing you”.

He posted it like 6 hours ago, not much after he left the common room. People in the comments were freaking out, mostly girls. They were guessing who the caption could be about, asking questions, but Eliott didn’t reply to any of those. Lucas didn’t know what to think about all this. He had a weird feeling that the caption was about him, but he didn’t wanted to think about that. He can’t have feelings for Eliott, not a good idea. What if I already feel something?

Lucas showed his phone under his pillow, closing his eyes, but all he could see was Eliott’s face. His eyes while he was clapping, smiling at Lucas. His face before they leant close to each other. The smell of Eliott kept haunting him, it was infuriating.

He spent long hours, suffering from his own thoughts. This caused him to sleep only 3 or 4 hours. He drank two mugs of black coffee in the morning before going to school. It wasn’t the best idea, but he had to stay awake and function in school somehow.

Literature was his third class, but Lucas still looked like a walking dog poop. His eyelids tried to close every fifth minute, his limbs felt heavy, he sat down to his place, totally not noticing that Eliott is there. His mind could only process one thing at a time, and that was him trying not to fall asleep.

He jumped a little when a warm hand touched his shoulder, looking to his left and seeing Eliott made his face feel suddenly really hot. First he thought it was embarrassment, but then he felt dizzy, not understanding what Eliott was saying to him. His eyes closed, his body was falling, ending up in strong arms. They everything ceased to exist and Lucas enjoyed the nothing surrounding him.

Quiet noises made him open his eyes, he wasn’t sure where he was, but he laid in a bed, having a blanket on him, but still wearing his indoor outfit, so he was definitely not home. His eyelids felt heavy, his head was spinning, but he slowly opened his eyes. The first thing he saw was a pair of blue eyes. His heart was fluttering of the thought that Eliott was there with him.

“Hey, how are you?” he asked softly, he looked relieved now that Lucas was conscious again.

“I feel dizzy.” he said honestly, struggling to put his body into sitting position. He could see that Eliott wasn’t happy that he moved so much, but didn’t do anything to stop him. “What happened?”

“You fainted in class.” he said simply. His eyes were dark, filled with worry which made Lucas smile a little.

“Yeah, that makes sense.” he mumbled and laid back on the soft pillows. It felt good to finally get some rest in a real bed and not on a goddamn couch. “Sorry that you had to take care of me.” he said now, hugging the blanket on his body, looking at every little expression the other one makes.

“Yeah, I had to carry you here, it wasn’t easy.” he said with a soft smile. “You owe me a lot, Lallemant.” the way he said Lucas’ name gave him goosebumps.

“Oh yeah?”

“Yeah, you can make it up with...”

“Lulu!” Arthur, Yann and Basile stormed into the nursing room loudly, running to the bed, surrounding Lucas, asking questions, talking to fast for him to understand.

“Hey! Hey! Guys, I am fine, but calm down! I can’t understand shit.” he said, raising his hand to stop his friends talking. From the corner of his eyes he saw Eliott leaving, using that the boys were focused on Lucas. Of course he didn’t wanted to stay. Why would he wanna stay with such a loser as you, Lucas?

He told his friends what happened, trying to avoid mentioning Eliott. Luckily they were focused on the fact that Lucas fainted and asked if he was sick. He told them that he has some trouble sleeping, but other than that he was fine. Well, they were asking about his physical health, so he actually wasn’t lying to them this time.

He spent the rest of the day in the nursing room, resting and thinking about Eliott. He went home around 16:20, the school doctor made sure he got food, enough water and anything else. She was really nice to Lucas, which was a fresh thing after all the things he had to endure at the flat and from his parents.

He was laying on the couch, the others were either not home or working, he had no idea, but he enjoyed the silence. He looked at his phone and noticed that he got a message, it was a DM on instagram, from Eliott himself. He swallowed before he opened the app to see the message.

srodulv You still owe me Did you get home safe?

Lucas smirked like an idiot, seeing those messages and just enjoying the fact that this asshole at least a little bit cared for him. It was such a good feeling, his heart was beating faster, his palms were sweaty. He had to wipe them before typing a reply to Eliott.

lucallemant I’ll make it up to you, don’t worry I’m home now, laying on the couch

srodulv You should be in bed, not on the couch

lucallemant The couch is my bed

He wasn’t really thinking before sending that message. That was just so pathetic and lame. He ruined the mood totally and after long minutes without any sign from Eliott, he knew that it was a stupid idea telling the truth.

srodulv You don’t have a bed?

lucallemant there’s only three room in the flat and we’re four I am the one who got the couch

srodulv Isn’t that a little unfair?

lucallemant It sucks, but I barely can pay the rent, so it’s more than what I deserve

srodulv You deserve so much more

lucallemant Are you sure this is Eliott Demaury? I’m starting to think someone hacked your insta

srodulv Very funny Go to sleep, Lallemant

lucallemant Sure, see you

srodulv See you

Lucas put down his phone next to his pillow, but then picked it up again, reading their conversation over and over. He just couldn’t believe his eyes, but it was true. And maybe... just maybe he was right about that insta post. His heart started racing again, making it impossible for him to fall asleep, so instead he just went to Eliott’s profile, liking that last post. He closed his eyes, putting his phone down now. He haven’t feel so happy in a long time now.

Writers note: We’ll this got together fast, thanks to an idea of my best mec. I hope you guys liked it. I appreciate all the messages and asks I recieved! Feel free to do so after this chapter, I wanna hear your opinion about it. What do you like in it, what you don’t like? It would help me a lot! Bisou

#Elu enemies to lovers AU #Skam France #Elu #Eliott Demaury #Lucas Lallemant #Eliott x Lucas #I love hating you

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curriebelle · 7 years

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Episode Ignis Feels Like Fanfiction and That’s a Good Thing

Ok so I’m having a Thought.

You know when people say something reads “like fanfiction”, and it’s meant to be a criticism? The phrase is one of those intangibles, one of those agreed-upons, where no one can define it quite accurately but everyone thinks they know what it means. Usually it’s a combination of deviation from the original tone, bleaching out character flaws and complexities, a lack of understanding of nuance, and a reverent or worshipful attitude towards old characters, moments, settings, and iconography (and iconography is just the Stuff. Star Wars iconography is lightsabers, wookies and Jedi robes).

That’s a pretty reductive description of fanfiction of course, because a lot of fanfic - whether it’s well or poorly written - doesn’t necessarily follow those patterns. Weirdly enough, saying a sequel or reboot reads “like fanfiction” often implies that the writer doesn’t understand something about the source material - that they’re oversimplifying, or they’re fanning about while failing to understand what a “good” sequel would actually require. And that’s pretty ironic, because fans - obsessive detail-hoarding, secondary-character-worshipping pastiche-crafters that they are - often know the source material better than anyone, sometimes better than the creators themselves, and they are very aware of what they are erasing or changing when they move Marvel into a fluffy coffee shop AU.

But I’m kind of digressing, because my point is that “this feels like fanfiction” shouldn’t be seen as a criticism, but rather as a gut feeling that we need to unpack. Sometimes it leads to legitimate criticism that, while worth addressing, actually has very little to do with fanfiction. And sometimes it leads to this weird 4:30 am conclusion: Episode Ignis is when “this feels like fanfiction” should be deployed as a compliment. Spoilers onward, for both Episode Ignis and FFXV.

I’m talking specifically about the alternate ending, here, which is tantamount to an FFXV fix-it fic. In this version Ignis averts the tragic ending of FFXV, and though he prepares to sacrifice his own life to do so, it ends up costing nothing. Ignis survives with even prettier hero-scarring than he gets in the regular plot. The episode fills in a sizable story gap after Leviathan knocks Noct out, and closes a few additional plotholes (I wondered what happened to that one obnoxiously overdesigned Imperial guy: turns out Ravus stabbed him). It spends some time with likable characters (Ardyn, yeeee) and underdeveloped characters (again, Ravus). Ignis gets roughed up and drenched, loses the glasses, and I’m 90% sure the animators made his eyes bigger in the cutscenes for extra pretty. He gains maximum plotline power, and Adam Croasdell voice acts the shit out of some sassy comebacks and anguished screaming (ok, this is unrelated, but when he’s doing the regular stormbind combo, it sounds like he screams FUCK in one of his battle grunts and it makes me laugh every time). He can liberate Altissia more or less by himself, and that’s before he drives a goddamn speedboat away from pursuant megarobots. So for anyone calling Mary Sue, yes, Ignis dives headfirst into that. He basically becomes Magic James Bond.

The whole episode is also pretty blatantly queer-coded. We get a very cuddly flashback to kid Noctis, and Ignis’s vow to stand at his side. Ignis is monomaniacal when it comes to finding Noctis. Noctis eiher drops the l-word, referring directly to Ignis and the freshly fridged Lunafreya (I’m still salty about that one, sorry), or says Ignis will always be in his heart depending on the ending. There’s a fantastic gifset going around of the official couples in previous Final Fantasies (Squall and Rinoa, Tidus and Yuna) declaring the exact same thing Ignis does in the alternate ending. “Rinoa, even if the world turns on you, I’ll be your knight”. “There’s no way I’ll let Yuna go”, even if I have to break all the rules of your stupid religion. Even if it costs my own life, I won’t let you take Noctis away. The queer subtext here is one of those things where it’s purposefully vague - just enough emotional evidence and physical contact that you can read romantic feelings there if you want, but just short of an actual romance to leave interpretations open. If you’re convinced Noctis and Luna were in love, Episode Ignis probably won’t debunk that.

So Ignis and his Episode are both powerful, emotional, pretty, potentially kinda gay, and ridiculously awesome.

And honestly, it is phenomenal.

Episode Ignis is a blast to play. His combat style is very fun and quick and fluid and flashy, and the grappling hook in the first portion makes you feel superheroic. Killing Ardyn, meanwhile, makes you feel godlike. It is an incredible surge of adrenaline to take on armies and deities by your lonesome. The gameplay and narrative reflect each other here, just like they do in the base game. FFXV seems happy at first, and the combat is pretty entertaining with all the goofy combo-attacks, but that game is a tragedy. It’s all the more tragic by how fun it is to begin with, and by the end it is painful to play. Characters get older, places fall apart, people die, and you have to escort Ignis around for a chapter while he grows used to being blind and Gladio constantly bitches at you for walking too fast. The photo mechanic is introduced to break your heart later, to show you how fleeting youth and pleasure can truly be under backbreaking destiny.

And in retaliation, Episode Ignis thrives on the power of Fuck You. Long commutes by car, mundane in the moment but peaceful upon reflection decades later? Fuck You, I have a grappling hook. Sections that force you to walk slowly through a dungeon and think about what you’ve done? Fuck You, I’ve got two daggers, lightning teleportation and button-mashing hands. Musings about the ravages of time, and aching nostalgia for youth? Fuck You, Ignis is prettier than ever. A tragic ending pre-ordained by prophecy? Fuck You, Ignis is going to re-write that fate by being clever, patient, and brave enough to sacrifice his life, but double Fuck You, he gets to live as well. Bullets flying, health bar low, multiple explosions and Atlas Ripped decking airships in the background? Fuck. You. It’s time to make some fucking soup.

With all that in mind, it makes sense that people might accuse Episode Ignis of being tone-deaf, of being fanfiction in all the “bad” ways - it neglects the nuance of the original, and papers over complex themes so everything can end up hunky-dory, but I still think that’s too easy.

Here’s the thing: Episode Ignis can only exist as fanfiction - or as alternate-ending DLC, I guess. FFXV is the story of Noctis and his story has an ending and it’s horribly, horribly sad, but it’s also what the story is built around. You might find it too depressing or too grim or you might find it just right, but it is well-structured. FFXV is careful with its themes and patterns and foreshadowing.

Because of that care, Ignis screwing Ardyn’s plans out of whack and saving Noctis from his fate couldn’t occur in the main game. FFXV is not about Ignis. It’s about Noctis. And the gameplay, built as it is around creating nostalgia - photographs, long car rides, camping, friendship - wouldn’t work if the ending wasn’t agonizing enough to make you long for the good old days. Maybe Noctis didn’t have to die or maybe he did, but the ending of FFXV was always going to hurt.

FFXV is an emotional project, and that project is to make the player painfully nostalgic. With that intriguing goal achieved, Episode Ignis exists as a response, and it can never really be more than that. It’s an ending I like better, but it is an alternate ending.

If you think about it, Episode Ignis didn’t need that alternate ending. It could have existed perfectly well as a companion to FFXV, filling in a much-needed blank (and without the alternate ending that’s exactly what it does). But in making a response to FFXV instead, they challenged a lot of assumptions FFXV needed to make in order to tell its story. FFXV assumes its prophecy is the only answer, as do its characters. FFXV yanks a great deal of agency away from Ignis, Prompto and Gladio when it asks them to sit still for a decade and wait for their friend to die without hunting for an alternative

Why can’t they try something else? Why can’t they defeat their nemesis on their own terms? I mean, who the heck does Bahamut think he is, anyway? Who says the ending can’t be happy, and the future can’t be bright?

Those are exactly the questions a fanfiction writer would ask. FFXV created those questions, and Episode Ignis addresses them, but in a way that acts as more of a breach than a closure. It’s one route to a happy ending - so maybe there are more. This is also the reason I brought up the queercoding in Episode Ignis. If there is any genre that needs a complete overhaul from grimdark tragedy into happy endings, it’s the scourge that is the modern queer romance story. There are so many of those bloody stories ending in anguish or separation or suicide or displeasure, and not nearly enough fairytales. Having a tragic ending overturned by the power of queer love is an insanely empowering experience, and that’s probably why you see so many posts about how Ignis’s gay love can pierce the veil of death and save the day. Episode Ignis didn’t need its queercoding any more than it needed its alternate ending, but the two make sense together: both of them are stories that people are absolutely aching for.

I don’t know if I’ve ever seen anything quite like this - a company actively revising their story, overturning its mood, questioning its plot, granting a completely different ending, and then asking fans to pay 6.99 for it. It’s different from alternate film endings, because those are DVD extras and one always wins the theatrical release. It’s different from re-imaginings or adaptations because Episode Ignis is...just not quite that. It can’t exist on its own, unlike most remakes. Video games are always fluid texts to a certain extent, but now developers are even relinquishing the solidity of lore and cutscenes. It’s so odd.

At the decision point of Episode Ignis, you can use R1 and L1 to flip the camera back and forth, moving between a shot of Ardyn and a shot of Ignis. It’s a tiny, insignificant moment, one that almost feels like a mistake - like maybe the developers couldn’t figure out how to stage a normal shot-reverse-shot. But that moment became an oddly powerful synecdoche for what Episode Ignis was to me. If you want to look at this story from a different angle, well, go for it. Here’s another place you can point the camera. Maybe the sun will rise over there too.

#ffxv #episode ignis #what the fuck it's six am #happy 2018

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platitvdes · 6 years

Text

BASIC INFORMATION

FULL NAME: edward michael kaspbrak

NICKNAME(S): eddie, eds, spaghetti head, eddie spaghetti, spagheds, etc. by the losers/party. also wheezy, “sissy little queer boy,” and uh a bunch of other… more aggressive things by non–partylosers according to the book thanks a lot steve (king, not harrington)

AGE: eighteen

DATE OF BIRTH: september 3, 1976

HOMETOWN: derry, maine

CURRENT LOCATION: derry, maine

ETHNICITY: he white

NATIONALITY: americano

GENDER: cis male

PRONOUNS: he/him/his

ORIENTATION: het thanks!!!!! just kidding he’s a homoromantic homosexual

RELIGION: a good christian boiy. he was raised methodist. what is he really? who knows. fighting a giant clown monster demon thing makes you really question a lot about religion and he’s not willing to go too deep into it

POLITICAL AFFILIATION: left-leaning, but very moderately so, mostly influenced by his friends and also by the fact that maine has been a blue state pretty much for the entire time he’s been old enough to think about these things. his mom’s a democrat solely because she lives off the welfare system ( and because she finds bill clinton incredibly charming and charismatic ); otherwise she’d definitely be a republican

OCCUPATION: student, a sad small gay

LIVING ARRANGEMENTS: he lives with his momma in a very toxic environment also his mom is lowkey a hoarder it’s not so bad that he’s embarrassed to invite people over but like she’s a hoarder

LANGUAGE(S) SPOKEN: english and…. english

ACCENT: um idk a maine accent

PHYSICAL APPEARANCE

FACE CLAIM: timothée chalamet

HAIR COLOUR: dark brown

EYE COLOUR: hazel—sometimes more green, sometimes more brown, sometimes more weirdly gold-ish; depends on the day and lighting

HEIGHT: five feet, eight inches.

WEIGHT: one-hundred twenty-two pounds.

BUILD: skinny af and long-limbed ( for his stature ). not crazy short anymore, but still below average height

TATTOOS: LMAO

PIERCINGS: y’all. pls

CLOTHING STYLE: from my head canons, bc i’m too lazy to rewrite it: eddie often looks like he’s stepped out of the pages of a ralph lauren catalogue not because he is stylish or fashionable at all—he isn’t—but because he wears a lot of polos and shorts, though he doesn’t fill them out nearly as well as the ralph lauren models do. Especially pastel polos. he also frequently wears your good ol’ graphic tee and jeans combo, because you can’t go wrong there, right?

USUAL EXPRESSION: concerned tbh

DISTINGUISHING CHARACTERISTICS: slightly doe-eyed, extremely doe-bodied, a preppy haircut, an inhaler in hand, and also he’s probably getting squeaky-voiced about something and/or visibly shaking. like a chihuahua.

HEALTH

PHYSICAL AILMENTS: technically? none

NEUROLOGICAL CONDITIONS: LORDY okay so the number one most important one is munchausen syndrome and hypochondria courtesy of being the proxy of his mom’s munchausen by proxy; severe anxiety (including generalized anxiety disorder, panic disorder, and social anxiety disorder); clinical depression; and, finally, i believe the medical term for it is “FOMO"

ALLERGIES: supposedly pollen, animal dander, insect bites/stings, dust, latex, mold, wool, and, like, a bunch of other shit. he does actually have some allergies, especially to pollen/animal dander/dust, that aren’t super severe and therefore don’t necessarily present typical allergy symptoms and contribute to his constant feelings of general illness and malaise that heighten the aforementioned hypochondria. he also is actually allergic to latex. womp womp

SLEEPING HABITS: not the best but not the worst—eddie falls asleep early enough and wakes early enough, especially when left to his own devices, but he’ll often stay up later just to be in the group chat because of the aforementioned FOMO and also because richie will usually show up at his house and they’ll just talk for a while. but even then tbh he has a hard time staying up later than like 1 or 2, and even on the weekends he’ll wake up pretty early. so……… all this adds up to having ambitions of getting a good amount of sleep, not getting Terrible amounts of sleep, but also not getting Enough sleep.

EATING HABITS: you would think he would have some special diet and maybe in 2018 he would be raised eating nothing but kale and granola and gluten free shit but bitch it’s 1994 eddie eats hella processed foods

EXERCISE HABITS: that’s cute idk he gets exercise from running from bullies and riding his bike w his friends although they don’t do that as much anymore now that people have cars

EMOTIONAL STABILITY: 1 probably eddie is always on the verge of a nervous breakdown. in actuality he’s probably around a 7, which is much higher than you might think; as much as he is indeed constantly on the verge of a nervous breakdown, he’s done a pretty good job of pushing down literally everything into a well so deep that most people, including himself, can’t really tell what’s wrong or what’s going on, and it’s been that way for a long, long time. or anyway, repression is the only version of emotional stability he’s learned to manage and maintain, which probably doesn’t actually count as very stable, so who knows, maybe he’s a 3.

SOCIABILITY: not as introverted as one might think; he’s definitely an introvert and needs some time alone to recharge, but in general, he prefers being around his friends to not being around them and will go out of his way to be with the people he’s closest to

BODY TEMPERATURE: runs cold, typically, which also means he gets cold easily, which sucks when you live in fucking maine

ADDICTIONS: none

DRUG USE: a seasoned pill popper of all kinds of vitamins and various placebos. he’s also on like 35 different mental health related medications. i know this isn’t what you were looking for but this is eddie kaspbrak

ALCOHOL USE: fam, come on

PERSONALITY

LABEL: “the little nervous one,” according to me upon my first watch of IT (2017); the crepehanger

POSITIVE TRAITS: loyal, feisty, energetic, brave

NEGATIVE TRAITS: defeatist, anxious, rambling, hypocritical

GOALS/DESIRES: to overcome his biggest fears, mainly—which means to be able to leave derry ( and his mother ) behind; to accept that he is not some sickly boy in need of protecting; to feel comfortable in his own skin.

FEARS: disease, death, abandonment, intense feelings of any kind honestly, his sexuality, exposure of said sexuality, change, his mom, disappointing his mom, independence, failure

HOBBIES: comics, movies, spending fucking HOURS reading medical websites and learning that all roads lead to cancer, hanging out with The Gang™, annoying his friends, lecturing his friends, sneaking out of his house, super mario bros, is candy a hobby? it is now, not dungeons and dragons ‘cause he’s not a fuckin nerd

HABITS: nail biting, compulsive timekeeping, pencil chewing tbh but only at Home, ice chewing also…..it’s super bad for your teeth but man does he love it……., assuming death lurks around every corner and shouting at everyone else about it

FAVOURITES

WEATHER: he likes a sunny day in weather that is slightly crisp, like late september, bc he has seasonal allergies

COLOUR: blu. particularly a good royal blue. sometimes sky blue if he’s feeling festive

MUSIC: pop music mostly…………. he loves a diva. he is a Loud whitney houston stan but he keeps his madonna love much closer to the vest

MOVIES: comedies definitely. he doesn’t care much for movies that are like, cinematically renowned and artsy or whatever. he’s here for something stupid that’ll make him laugh. he really likes dumb and dumber, embarrassingly enough. he also loves bill & ted. it’s his favorite movie. good ol wholesome fun, there.

SPORT: tennis obviously

BEVERAGE: an arnold palmer he’s really wildin out here

FOOD: honestly? a fuckin ice cream sundae

ANIMAL: penguins they’re gay and they mate for life

FAMILY

FATHER: frank kaspbrak. he died of cancer when eddie was a wee bab ( he was five so not actually a wee bab, but wee enough )

MOTHER: sonia kaspbrak, a devil woman

SIBLING(S): none

PET(S): he had a goldfish named arnold once that’s it

FAMILY’S FINANCIAL STATUS: lower middle class. his mom doesn’t work and lives solely off disability checks and the like, but they never seem to be for lack of money for eddie’s extensive medical care or, like, food or shelter.

EXTRA

ZODIAC SIGN: virgo binch

MBTI: ISFJ ( the defender )

ENNEAGRAM: type 6 ( the loyalist ), but actually he’s a type 6 with a type 5 wing that’s almost balanced, which, hilariously, is also called the defender

TEMPERAMENT: melancholic

HOGWARTS HOUSE: GRYFFINDOR FIGHT ME

MORAL ALIGNMENT: lawful good

PRIMARY VICE: envy

PRIMARY VIRTUE: charity

ELEMENT: earth

#( m. — eddie kaspbrak. )#( profile | eddie kaspbrak. )

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testosteronetuesdays · 5 years

Note

one from every category for whoever you like: 3, 26, 50, 72, 89

oh boy.

idk who you are but you took the bait and now i’m NEVER gonna shut up

3 What is the meaning behind their name? Do they have any nicknames?

oh this is going to be fun as most of my characters don’t use their actual name to avoid the government

Nox

her name is the same as the roman goddess for night she doesn't have any nicknames yet other then Nox. unfortunately I haven’t figured out what her given name is yet lol

Bai

her name means white. cause she’s albino. ha.ha. i’m so original 🙃 her nickname is little boy blue or lbb on missions or fancy pants when out and about

NotBa

his name means not your dad. :^) his real name is Ezichiel.

Massa

her name is the same as the location for the first Mosque in Africa with the last 2 letters dropped. Her given name is Yusra which means ease or comfort

Hansen

his name means son of Hans. his nickname is Diao which can mean a lot of different things, cool guy, artful, bird of pray.... dick. oh Diao... the twins may have given you this name but that doesn't mean its free of malice...

The Twins

Bigs and Lil’ both are nicknames made up by Bigs about who’s the older sister. (hint: it’s not Bigs) their actual names are Lilly or Baihe (Lil’) and Camillia or Chahua (Bigs)

Alma

her name means kind soul or little girl. she has no nicknames. too pure too good. can’t go on recon missions I love her.

Pegan

their name means that they are a godless heathen just the way they were meant to be. that is their name now. fuck you if you want to change that.

Glitch

see Pegan

Camp

see Glitch

26 Are they aware of their flaws?

Nox

unfortunately no which really stresses her out

Bai

Nope. sister is clueless but when she does become aware she works her best to correct them

NotBa

He’s painfully aware. it’s killed people in the past.

Massa

she is mostly unaware of her flaws and often thinks she is peak person but if Nox ever actually gets out of her own head to point them out she’d start working on them in a heartbeat

Hansen

surprisingly yes. does he know how to solve the issue ? no. is he stuck in a screaming loop of self hatred over this ? who knows. he’s not gonna tell you.

The Twins

acutely, they are both kids still and haven’t had much time to self reflect but i’d say they are both well on their way to being the most well rounded individuals

Alma

she is perfect. what are you saying ?

Pegan

yep. that’s why they need others around to balance it all out.

Glitch

see Pegan.

Camp

see Glitch.

50 How would you describe their style of clothing? How would they describe their style of clothing?

Nox

Nox wears an interesting assortment of shitty clothes you could probably find at hot topic in the scene section but only if you excavated it from a 100 year old dumpster and then hit it with your car. she loves wearing yellow but needs to wear darker colors to sneaky better. she’s a thief at heart and half her clothes are either cut up with a knife to help with the summer heat or stitched together to help with the windy winters

she’d describe her style as one that gets the job done.

Bai

Bai wears a sort of neo-ming dynasty style. A lot of the clothing is very flowy and reminiscent of one of the last great chinese empires back when their culture was “without corruption”. a political fashion that evolved from Beijing specifically to raise national pride post war as part of their cultural growth efforts. her favorite colours are soft blues accented with purples.

she would describe her style as elegant and modest.

NotBa

NotBa wears patched up clothes, often pieces of his old peace corps uniform that are well worn and soft he has a sweater that he absolutely loves to death. Cable knit and comfortable as all hell. he’s almost always wearing his Kippa and tzitzit. his favorite colours are dark green and cream colours

he would say his style is a reminder to him about his past and his promises for the future. except his sweater. he fuckin loves that sweater

Massa

Massa wears clothes that are more so something you might find in the 90′s dull pinks, blues and purples accented with her turquoise scarf that she pulls up for prayer. she often wears pull over fleecy sweaters with a zipper that ends around her chest. you know the one.

She would describe her style as functional but colorful

Hansen

Hansen wears yoga capris he stitched pockets on to create cargos. that’s all you need to know about him. he is horrible and every day I have to spend thinking about him is a day robbed from me.

He would say he has the best style. functional, comfortable and unique.

The Twins

Bigs wears a worn out backwards baseball cap (cause she is a cool 90′s kid and a little bby buch lesbian) almost always while rocking that good old blue rainboots, shorts, sweater combo. Lil’ has a hair clip with a plastic flower on it (again think 90s for these kids) she at least tucks her zip off cargo pants into her pink rainboots but makes up for her common sense by leaving her coat tied around her waist almost always so she’s running around in a tank top all the time. Bigs loves wearing blues and darker colours while Lil’ loves pinks and softer colours.

they would both say their styles suit them just fine and if you have anything to say about it they don’t care.

Alma

Alma loves flowy skirts and stripes, she often wears a striped long sleeved shirt paired with a tea length skirt and work boots. she often wears thermal leggings to fight off the cold because of this but she doesn't care. she feels cute. she loves to wear soft and light greens and darker colors or black. a pencil is almost always tucked into her braids and if she hasn’t already added pockets to her outfit she’s wearing her pocket belt. made from an old army jacket.

She would discribe her style as not very practical but pretty.

Pegan

Pegan learned how to sew as a child and oh my god. you can tell. think punk queer trash meets high fashion but make it functional. They love to take formal wear rip it apart and add fishnets or a tear away skirt or just mix men's and women's fasion. They are a drag performer after all. Pegan also wears heavy heavy makeup most of the time to help fool the facial recognition technology littered throughout the city.

They would discribe their style as incredibly practical and calculated. Everything they wear has a reason

Glitch

Glitch wears a lot of black accented with neon blues. Think scene but also hacker geek chic and you have glitch. Zei also have to make a lot of zeir clothes comfortable to wear while using a chair and Pegan is usually more then happy to help.

Zei would discribe zeir style as being very fasion and not to much function. Zei are all about the aesthetics

Camp

Camp wears a lot of loose clothing especially pants but prefers a tighter shirt. turtle necks are also a big thing in his wardrobe even if it's a sleeveless one.

He has no idea how to discribe his style he's blind. Comfortable for him and it makes all the wrong people uncomfortable which is just a bonus to him.

72 would they rather have stability or comfort?

Oh fuck

Nox

For her it's the same thing. To be stable is to be comfortable

Bai

Comfort. She's stupid rich. She dosen't know what instability is.

NotBa

Comfort. Stability can follow but he just wants to rest. This man is so. Fucking. Tired.

Massa

Stability. See Nox.

Hansen

Comfort. He has had one of the more stable up bringings having been with Notba the longest and would like to feel some of that sweet sweet comfort.

The Twins

Stability. They are the newest to the haven and are still getting used to it all

Alma

Comfort. See Hansen.

Pegan

To be comfortable is to be stable. They are one in the same.

Glitch

Comfort. For glitch having all their acess needs met with less work would be much more welcome then stability any day.

Camp

Stability. He had some of the most unstable upbringings you can imagine. He'd like to feel what it's like to have both feet on solid ground for once.

89 what is their dnd alignment?

Ok now I KNOW who sent this...

Nox

True neutral I'd say. She's ok with doing stuff with the law if it fits her situation but she has 0 issues breaking it too. Has no strong feelings about the government as she dosen't really have time to think about it. She just needs to survive.

Bai

Chaotic good. This girl grew up sheltered but then someone pegan told her what crime was and she has never looked back she goes hard for the resistance and gives no shits that they were resisting her like 3 minutes ago. Fuck the system.

NotBa

Lawful good. This man. He is so tired. He will turn a blind eye to your crimes and pretend he has no idea what is going on but you can not pay him to commit a crime. Lit.er.ally.

Massa

Chaotic nuteral. She does what will benefit her the most while causing a little chaos along the way. As a treat.

Hansen

Lawful neutral. He does what will benefit him and his family and will do so in a way that causes the least amount of trouble.

The Twins

Chaotic good. These girls know what is UP. They hate the government. They want it to go DOWN they will break every law they can on the way to doing it.

Alma

Lawful neutral. She can not legally commit a crime except existing I guess but she has no strong feelings either way about the government. Mainly because she spends almost all of her time in the haven

Pegan

Chaotic good. You can fit so many felonies into this bad them. *slaps ass like a car hood* Pegan helps lead the resistance. They love crimes and being a criminal. Everything they do is a crime. Their clothes? Stolen. The money they have? It's from sex work. The bagel they are eating? Made in an illigal bakery that follows religious laws which are illigal with the money that they got from doing illigal things. Gay rights !

Glitch

Neutral good. Won't go out of zir way to commit a crime and prefers to play it by the book but also fuck the government you feel ?

Camp

Lawful neutral. If pressed will commit a crime but frankly it makes him anxious and he would really rather stay home and make soup.

#this was fun !#please send more my way !!!!#oc #meme #ask meme

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fulloflesbeans · 7 years

Text

Hazel Eyes & Cake Pops [Ch. 14]

Read on Ao3 here

Luckily, I was not scolded as much as I thought I would be. When Rachel came back, she simply gave me a slap on the wrist and told me to never avoid drinking from the same cup again. She has actually slapped me across the face once, but I would rather forget that. We all got ready and went to bed, of course I stayed up in case Kate had to text. I was lying on the couch, completely covered by my blanket, with my phone as I text her back and forth at midnight.

We should do that more! I had so much fun. Kate seemed happy, but she was still awake.

Can we not study next time?

Of course, I know that you didn't like doing that all that much.

How about Saturday? We could hang out all day.

That sounds fantastic.

I suddenly slapped myself on the forehead. It was stupid of me to just avoid and avoid, what was I doing? My mind just… shut down and it makes me do stupid shit. There were so many things I wanted to ask: how the short film was doing, why she didn't wear her purity ring anymore, why she couldn't sleep. She was becoming more mysterious to me. The whole story and how open she was to being so close to me made me want to believe she was gay.

What did you and Rachel talk about?

I was curious. Rachel didn't talk about it when she got back.

We just talked about random things. Like what other stuff she does and things like that.

My eyes were starting to really tired and blurry, and my eyelids were dropping. Kate responded again before I knocked out, I think I'll be able to sleep now. Along with a little audio file, "Goodnight Max, sweet dreams." I passed out completely after that.

In the morning, I was awoken by a pillow hitting me right in the stomach. I shot up and frantically got out, falling to the floor and right onto my face. I looked up and saw Chloe standing over me with a straight face.

"Are you trying to hide from us?" Chloe asked.

"Nope, not at all," I grunted as I stood up again, "I understand what I did and I will fix it... tomorrow."

"What's tomorrow?" Chloe crossed her arms.

"I'm going somewhere with Kate. I have a feeling I'll see her today, so I'll talk about it with her."

"Yeah, that was... hella embarrassing, Max."

I could only sigh at myself.

"Get ready, I have to take you early again. Rachel is staying here again." Chloe went into the bathroom, resting her arms on her head. I paced around, rolling my head around to crack my neck and stretching my arms up to the ceiling.

Okay, something needed to change. I needed to be more confident and take Rachel and Chloe's harsh words as helpful tips and only out of love. I had a strange feeling again, but I shook it off and decided to call Kate. It was early, but I still wanted to attempt it. It rang a few times, until I heard a yawn and then, "Hello?"

"Good morning, Kate. Were you still sleeping?"

"No, I just woke up," She yawned again, "I always wake up early. Did you need something?"

"Chloe has to open today and I'm gonna be at school pretty early. Do you want to meet up or would you like more sleep?"

On Kate's side, I could hear something like a case unlocking and squeaking open, "What time will you be there?"

"Sometime between six and seven. It doesn't help that my class is in the afternoon."

"Wow, that's incredibly early. I'm going to be slightly late, but I'll meet you at our table in the library, if that's okay."

Oh, my dog, she called it our table.

"Yeah, that's fine. I'll see you soon."

"See you soon, bye."

I hung up and then thought about it. Why did I have to go with her? When Chloe came out of the bathroom in her uniform, I had to ask, "Why do I have to go with you? I have class at one."

"Do you want to Uber again with Rachel?"

"I want her to stop spending so much."

"Then you're coming with me, so get ready."

I shrugged my shoulders and thought she had a point. Rachel was going to leave somewhere anyway, probably to get groceries for the interview thing airing tonight. I went in for a shower, showering and brushing my teeth as fast as possible.

I threw on my blue jeans and this mustard yellow t-shirt I didn't know Rachel bought and then left. My shoes were still half on, hopping around on the way out and having to put them on in the car. I also had to tie my hair up in there. Chloe didn't mind me still getting ready, but I could see the amusement on her face. I folded my sleeves a couple times because I’ve learned it was gayer that way. Might as well embrace it, right?

"You could sleep in the library again. I would do that."

"Maybe, but I'm meeting Kate there." I said proudly.

"Great, but you better not pull the same shit you pulled yesterday."

"I got it. I'm going to fix it... raviChloe."

"Leave the nickname thing to me, CarMax."

It didn't hurt to try.

Chloe dropped me off, sarcastically telling me to have a horrible day (because of the nickname attempt), and then sped off. I immediately left to the library, though my stomach was grumbling rather loud. I went to the same table closest to the entrance and sat there. I didn't want to work and I didn't want to read, but I had to do something while I was waiting. I took out my journal, neglected and nearly destroyed, and opened it to a blank page. I wrote down everything that happened in the past couple of weeks. This was the end of week nine; basically two weeks until it was all over. It depended, but most days were pure bliss. Most moments were ruined by me being a piece of awkward trash.

I continued to write until I saw someone sit in front of me. Of course, it was Kate, who was happy this day and placed a cup of coffee right in between us. She was back to her bun, shirt, and skirt combo, but I was more distracted by her left hand. I couldn't stop thinking about her saying the whole purity ring thing. As her fingers tapped against the table, I couldn't help but imagine the ring being there at all.

"Good morning Max." She finally said, stopping her tapping.

"Good morning Kate. Did you have to see your friends again?" My eyes made contact with hers.

"I was actually practicing. I play the violin and I've been able to play in the mornings again."

"That's cool. How long have you been playing?"

"Ever since I was six. I try not to miss a day, but my roommate, you know?"

"That's so cool. I play the guitar, or used to, I haven't played in a while."

"You need to show me sometime." Kate grabbed her cup and took a sip. At the same time, my stomach let out the loudest growl it could make, making me place my hand over it in surprise.

"Don't tell me you skipped breakfast." Her face just said "over it."

"I did. Chloe had to go right away to open."

Kate pushed her cup to me, "Would you like some? It's coffee again."

To stab me in the heart again, she actually took the cap off for me. She waited with the cap in her hand, but how do I tell her to put it back? I hesitated, but I awkwardly reached over and grabbed the cover, putting it back.

"I'm sorry that happened yesterday."

"What’s there to be sorry about?"

"The whole not drinking from the same cup thing. And the literally taking the cap off thing."

"It's okay! Don't be sad about that, it was just the last thing I expected."

"I will drink it, but that will never happen again." I started to, but I was practically chugged it down. It was past halfway once I stopped.

"This is why I can't share. It's already almost gone."

"That's fine. I bought it to share."

Kate then went to her bag for her notebook, opening them to a page of neatly-written notes, and started reading it. I sat there, trying to read them upside down and holding onto the white coffee cup close. My mind went blank when I repeated her words in my head. She wanted to share with me, even though yesterday it looked like I didn't want to do that at all. Heart, could you please calm down for one day?

"Is that enough or do you want to get something at the cafeteria?" Kate asked me, eyes still down at her book.

"Are you hungry?"

"I'm not the one with the monster in her belly." Kate looked up again.

I could only snicker, "That is true. We have time and adding some food will make this drink better, so yeah, let's go."

We packed everything we had and then left the library, passing the cup back and forth for sips. It was quiet on our walk through the hall; the cafeteria was on the second floor. Once it was back in Kate's hand again, it was very empty.

"Oh great, I need to get more coffee." Kate laughed as she shook it around.

"Sharing with me is hard, okay?" I laughed with her. I looked at her up and down and felt myself warm up. I cleared my throat, rubbing the back of my neck.

"Do you wear those kinds of skirts a lot?"

"Not before, but I wanted to try these skater skirts and I really like them. My roommate told me my old ones made me look... insecure, she said."

"You look nice, but that's a mean thing to say."

"It was, but that's how she acts," She grabbed onto my arm, latching on loosely as she caught up to me, "You're walking kinda fast."

"Oh, shit," I slowed down, allowing her to be at the same pace, but she didn't let go, "Sorry, I didn't even notice I was."

"You're really hungry, aren't you?"

"I am!" I replied. We arrived to the cafeteria, which was roughly the same size as the library, filled with circle tables with many chairs, the walls were covered in graffiti and many different pop culture characters and bright colors, and on the wall, there was a big ass TV with different gaming systems readily available to play on. Against another wall were lines of vending machines with snacks and drinks. Ironically, no cafeteria food.

"What do you want? I'll get it for you so it won't get stuck." Kate finally lets go of my arm.

I chuckled, "You're never going to let that go, huh?"

"That's how we officially met, so I can't."

We went up to the machine with the most number of snacks in it and peered in.

"You don't have class until afternoon too?"

"Both afternoon and evening, I have Color Theory and Geometry."

We both continued to look until we heard another voice.

"I suggest the granola bars." The male voice said. Oh shit, you had to be kidding me. I wished every day and night for this scenario to never happen—every hour, even. I don’t know what forbidden being didn’t want me to move on, but I despised them. I avoided looking at him; I already knew who it was.

"Oh really, stranger?" Kate responded. She spoke with a very formal and nice tone.

"Yeah, it's early in the morning, it'll help you get that energy you'll need!"

As he spoke, I heard the water vending machine whir and then drop a bottle into the shoot.

"Maybe we will, but my friend and I are still looking."

He was quiet until he gasped, "Hey Max! Crazy to see you here too!"

I slowly turned around and forced a smile, "Hey... Warren. What brings you here?"

Fuck my life and everything in it.

"I was called here to fix some of the classroom's computers."

"Oh, you two know each other already?" Kate kept the nice tone, but it also sounded slightly strained.

"High school, had some classes together." He replied.

"That's wonderful. Well, we're going to keep looking, but thanks for the suggestion."

"No problem, see you ladies around." He finally left and I was able to get the breath I was holding in out.

"Are you okay?" Kate rubbed her hand on my back.

"Listen, Kate, I hate seeing that guy." I turned to face her.

"Did something happen?"

I sighed, "We dated for a little. I'll just say that it didn't end well."

"Oh no! Are you sure you're okay?" She placed a hand on my cheek, then my forehead, "You're really hot."

I held back a smile, but said, "You're hot too."

"Max, I'm serious." Kate was laughing anyway, her hands moved to holding onto my shoulders.

"I'm fine, I swear," I grasped onto her wrists, "Don't worry about me."

"Next time we see him, we'll run away, okay?"

"That would be awesome!"

We got Poptarts instead, eating them through the halls and walking aimlessly. Kate talked about how she used to eat them all the time because her younger sister loved them a lot. I didn't have an interesting story; I just liked snacking.

"Do you watch that E! news thing?" I asked.

"I watch it with my roommate. Why?"

"Rachel is going to have an interview on there and, from what she said, she was going to come out. Like, she's just going to say it."

"Wow, how admirable of her! Will we be texting each other about it or is it a moment of silence?"

"I would love to know your reaction, so please text me."

"Will do," she finished her snack and then crumpled up the silver wrapper in her hand, "This is really nice."

"What is?"

"Hanging out together. Being with you is fun. Rachel and Chloe are fun to be with and... I feel comfortable with you is what I'm trying to say."

"I feel the same way. But, tomorrow, what are we doing?"

"Right, I have to make up for only studying... Would you like to surprise me?"

"You want me to plan everything?"

"If you want to, but you can choose a place, at least."

"Y-yeah, I could do that. I'll try my best to find nice places."

There was not a single ounce of confidence in myself to surprise her. Yet, I still said that, it came out of my mouth before I could think about it.

"I'm looking forward to it."

After this conversation, Kate decided to test me on all the Nutrition things I learned yesterday. As we walked around, she asked random questions she somehow remembered, but I was able to answer. I mean, I answered after five minutes of thinking, but they were correct. Kate then went into her phone and let out an annoyed groan.

"Friends need you again?" I guessed.

"Yup and it's barely nine-thirty. Are you going into the library?"

"Yeah, I'll wait for you again in there."

"I'm sorry, but I'll see you there, okay? Don't move unless you have to go to class." Kate ran off, leaving me in front of the vending machine I kicked last time.

I sighed and trudged to the library. I hope to see that short film soon. It better be the greatest short film ever if they keep having to take her away for her help.

I did as I was told and sat in the library. I was switching between reading and walking around the bookshelves, which was incredibly boring. One eventually came and I had to leave for class. I got one text from her and it said, Sorry I couldn't go. I'll meet you at the front after class.

In class, it was a lot of review, more paper with practices, and lots of going up to the board to put answers. I think I impressed my teacher, judging by their expressions and sometimes clapping from saying the right answer. It got to the point that everyone in class started to clap for me, even though they have no idea why it was happening at all.

At the end of class, Evan stopped me.

"Hey, what you did in there was quite impressive!"

We walked together, but more he was following me.

"You think so? All I did was say answers." I dismissed the compliment. We passed by other classmates, saying small greetings to them.

"You told me you failed the other test. I'm sure they weren't expecting much and that's why they called on you. And then you killed it!"

I only forcefully laughed. I appreciated it, don't get me wrong, it was just that pain you get in your chest when you hear your name get called. Then, the surge of adrenaline when it’s over.

"You're really blowing up my ego, dude."

"It's what you deserve."

"Thanks. I need to meet up with my friend though, so I'll see you on Friday, okay?"

"No prob, see you next Friday!"

He left towards another classroom, even though it was early-dinnertime. I continued on my way to the front; Through the glass door, Kate was sitting on the curb again. I decided to sneak, slowly opening the door, and taking far and quiet steps towards her. I was crouching down and, quickly, I grabbed her by the shoulders and shook her around, "Boo!"

She let out a squeak and doing little shrieks. She gripped my wrists and then turned around, "Max, what the heck!"

"I couldn't help!"

Even though she sounded mad, she was still smiling.

I sat next to her, hugging my legs to my chest, "How was being with your friends?"

"It was actually... uncomfortable, I think I could say?"

I perked up, my back straightening and my eyebrows raised.

She rested on her hands behind her, "I had to do some bad acting."

"Never been a drama kid?"

"Nope, they wanted to try, since I wrote it. But, it was pretty weird. It was just a practice at a bench! It went bad..."

"I'm sure you did way better than you think."

"That's uplifting, though you weren't there. Oh, I need to know when the interview will be on, because my last class today ends at ten."

"That's right! Crap, I need to ask." I grabbed my phone and text Rachel. She should be up and about around this time.

"How was your class?" She asked after I finished.

"Surprisingly good, my teacher kept calling on me, but jokes on them, I knew all the answers."

"That's wonderful! I'm glad I was able to help you on your studies then."

"I owe you one."

"Isn't that what tomorrow is?"

"Leave it to me." I bumped my arm with hers. Confidence level only went up by ten… out of a hundred. I got a text back, it's going to be late, around ten-thirty? Are you ready to go?

Yeah, at the front with Kate.

"It'll air around the time you leave class." I reiterated.

"Oh okay, I'll text you when I start watching then. When I got home yesterday, my roommate still doesn't believe that I had a conversation with Rachel or was in a car with her."

"You should have brought her to make her lose her mind."

"I should have, but I wanted her to get home as quick as possible."

It was silent again, listening to the sound of cars speeding off or people walking by us in their own conversations, sitting there with our arms still pressing against each other.

"How was yours, by the way? Your class, I mean." I asked back.

"It was fine. Just learning more about colors and mixing them together, there's nothing interesting to say."

"Do you like it?"

"I do. Though, it does get boring."

"And you have Geometry later?"

"Yeah, my Fridays are incredibly boring, except for today."

I felt my cheeks burn from the statement. Kate had really pink cheeks, and was also avoiding any eye contact with me. Bravely, I also leaned back on my hands, letting one hand inch closer to hers. I was so distracted, I didn't even hear Rachel calling out my name. Kate looked like she didn't either.

"Earth to Max, are you there?!" I finally heard. I looked to my left and Rachel was standing at the car, still half-out of it. She was a block down in an available parking spot.

"Shit," I stood up right away, "Did you hear her?"

"No, I don't know what happened! I didn't hear her either!" She stood up next to me.

"I have to go, text me later!"

I ran off and jumped into the car, pushing Rachel into the other seat.

In the car, Rachel glared at me with her arms folded.

"Maxine Caulfield, how dare you ignore me." It wasn't even a question, it was a strict sentence.

"I'm sorry, Rachel. I was distracted." I rubbed the back of my neck. I wasn't sure what she was going to do.

Her face started to twist and tried to stay serious, failing in the end. She lets out a breathy laugh, "I'm kidding! You look so scared, oh my god!"

"I can't help it!" I pushed Rachel in retaliation.

As Rachel laughed her ass off, I finally reflected on everything that happened. Kate let me share from her drink, she held onto my arm, she said she'll run away when she sees him, I literally called her hot without hesitation, and then I almost held hands with her. I was making more progress than I thought. It was hard to think about that when Rachel was laughing hysterically.

Rachel stopped laughing right when we got home again.

"I'm sorry, your face was just priceless." She wiped under her eye from tearing up.

"Hey, after that bitch slap, I've been fearful." I touched my left cheek.

"It was impulsive."

She then kissed my forehead, "I'm sorry about that and laughing for a whole car ride."

"I already forgave you." I said and headed to the apartment.

In the meantime, I did all my reviews, finished my final projects, and watched about three episodes of Project Runway. When Chloe came home at an alarmingly late hour, she patted my head and kissed Rachel.

"How was your day?" Rachel asked.

"It was whatever," Chloe seated herself in the last available spot on the couch, "It was all the same."

"That's better, right? You usually deal with bad customers, so you're not really pissed off."

"Thank fucking hell, I hated it enough that I had to open the damn place."

"How about tomorrow?" Rachel said as she sighed and rested her head on Chloe's shoulder.

"I wasn't given a day off, so if you want, you have to come along with me. Max has a real date."

Rachel loudly gasped and then flung her hand, hitting me hard against my arm, "Why didn't you tell me that?!"

"I forgot!" I grabbed my arm in pain. I need to look up places I could take Kate; I cannot afford to mess up any more. I got a text.

I just left class! I'm so tired.

Was it boring?

Only because it was a book work kind of day.

That's too bad. Do you just walk home?

Yes, it's only ten minutes away.

Our TV has been stuck on the E! channel since we got home and it was about to start. It actually has been playing and reminding reviewers that her interview was soon.

That's good. So, what places do you like going to? I need a hint for tomorrow.

"I hated this stupid interview so much." Rachel groaned.

"Are we going to watch you suffer?" I asked her.

I can't tell you! I want you to surprise me!

Pls?

"Yup, but it's not obvious."

We waited the rest of the thirty agonizing minutes. From Kate's texts, she had time to change into pajamas and have a conversation with her roommate.

It's starting! Kate text.

The segment started with a loud intro, bright blue and catches your attention, and the host was a woman with a bright smile and a fashionable pantsuit. Rachel was in the same pencil dress she was in when she left the interview that day. The set was a blue backdrop with white couches and pillows.

"Welcome watchers to E! Rising Star! The show that interviews top celebrities and getting the inside scoop! Tonight, joining me is the beautiful Rachel Amber! It's so nice to have you here!"

"I'm happy to be here."

Chloe snorted, "That wasn't fake at all."

"You're becoming a household name and becoming one of the top social media stars, how does that feel, rising as quickly as you are and only being twenty-years-old?"

"It still really blows my mind! I never imagined to become as well-known as I am, but I am so grateful by it. I try my best to stay connected and let my fans know how much I love them and appreciate them. It's crazy how fast it all happened and I don't take any of it for granted."

"That's the first and last good question." Rachel seemed like she was having war flashbacks.

"How incredibly humble of you! Now, you may or may not know of certain rumors roaming around you at the moment."

"I might have an idea. You'd have to refresh my memory." Rachel's tone changed.

"Yes, in these pictures, you are seen with another woman throughout the week. Can you please enlighten us on this?" On the screen, it showed many different paparazzi and hidden pictures taken of Rachel and Chloe out-and-about San Francisco in both day and night.

"Of course, she is... the love of my life for nearly three years. I hated hiding her and not being able to talk about her or even be with her because of what people may think. To me, I don't really care what people will think of me after this, I'm more relieved than scared about this whole thing."

"Well talk about it, like what it was like before this moment? Not being able to talk about it?"

"It was for avoiding society and rejection, it was for the best. But I'm selfish and, because of that, was sick of not being able to show her off."

"Who is she?"

"I cannot disclose that without her permission."

"How old were you when you realized you were gay?"

"I was sixteen and I'm bisexual, by the way."

"Are you open to everyone in your life?"

"Yes."

Rachel groaned loudly, in absolute annoyance and irritation, "It keeps getting worse!"

Yikes, this was painful to watch. I wonder what Kate was doing.

Rachel is so nice. I can't believe people would actually hate her.

I think my roommate loves her.

How nice she called her the love of her life!

Oh gosh, my roommate is freaking out.

She is about to throw the TV.

That escalated quickly. This needed to stop.

"We don't have to watch all of it." I suggested.

"You know what, I'm okay with that. Go back to Project Runway!" Rachel waved her hand at the TV.

I did so right away and all three of us simultaneously sighing in relief.

"I knew it was fucking bad, but you didn't say it was fucking shit and garbage." Chloe pinched in between her eyes, shutting her eyes in annoyance.

"I respect her, but holy shit," Rachel grabbed her phone, "I need to take pictures."

Chloe looked confused but then Rachel hopped onto her lap and the confusion was gone.

"I could finally do this!" Rachel held her arm out, phone in hand.

"Wouldn't you want me to take that for you?" I sat lonely and only slightly jealous.

"For the first one, I want to take it. Then, I could put up that picture of us from last week! And the collage, I'm so excited!"

I watched as Rachel took a few selfies of her and Chloe: one of them just smiling, one of them kissing, and then the last one was just silly and random funny facial expressions. She stayed on her lap as she typed on her phone. She asked her from time-to-time like "can I say your name?" or "do you like these?" Rachel huffed after finishing and handed her phone to me, "Do you want to read it?"

She uploaded all three, starting with the simple smiling photo. This is Chloe. The one person in my life that makes everything hella fun and unpredictable. I wake up happily knowing she is mine and go to sleep relaxed knowing we're here together. I didn't want it to happen like this, but here we are. I've never been happier and I'm excited to finally show her. Love you. -RA

"It's beautiful, Rachel." I handed it back to her. My heart swelled with joy for them. Tomorrow was only going to be the start for me.

I wonder if she liked museums.

#life is strange #max caulfield #kate marsh #marshfield #my fanfiction

2 notes · View notes

shrugman · 7 years

Note

all of them ily facetime me

I’m half a bottle of wine in so this is the perfect time to answer this

1. Name: Michelle Bair

2. Birthplace: some airforce base in virginia

3. Ancestry: general European, Scottish, and Native American

4. Zodiac Sign: Capricorn

5. Biggest fear: Abandonment

6. Strength/Weakness: For the most part I’m pretty honest / I can’t make decisions if they impact other people

7. Worst habit: braiding and unbraiding my hair / shaking my leg

8. Favorite holiday: Halloween

9. Ever been in a car crash: thankfully, no

10. Have you ever had a crush on a teacher: Paul omg

11. What do you do as soon as you walk in the house: drop whatever bag I’m holding

12. Age at first kiss: 14? Idk whatever the second half of 8th grade was

13. When did you fall in love for the first time: when I was 15

14. Who Is Your Longest Friend & How Long: Stephanie is my ride or die for like 11 years. Like literally I’d die without her I love her so much

15. Goal You Would Like To Achieve This Year: pump that GPA up a bit

16. What were you doing at midnight last night: trying (failing) to sleep

17. When was the last time you laughed hard: earlier when I was telling Stephanie a story about my dad

18. Who was the last person that told you they love you: My dad

19. What was the first thing you thought when you woke up yesterday morning: idk man probably a generic sound of unhappy

20. Where did you go for your first date and who was it with: I don’t even know because like what actually counts as a date?

21. Who’s wedding were you in the first time you were a bridesmaid or a groomsmen: never happened

22. Who did you see in concert first: Jimmy Buffet I shit you not

23. Who was your favorite teacher: Paul

24. Who is the first person you call when you have a bad day: I text Stephanie

25. Who do you think about most: probably Stephanie

26. Is your ideal occupation? Optometrist

27. Beer, wine, or liquor? liquor

28. Favourite restaurant? Saizeriya (it’s in Japan)

29. What is your favorite ice cream flavor? Vanilla with cherry

30. McDonlads or Burger King? McDonalds

31. Fantasy dinner guest(s)? Kate McKinnon

32. Have you ever been drunk? When was the last time? I’m like tipsy rn so? now? idk

33. What is the most embarrassing thing you have done drunk? honestly I don’t even known

34. Wonder Woman or Cat Woman? Wonder? idk

35. How many pets do you have? a single dog

36. What would be the first thing you bought if you won the lottery? idk something stupid like some cheese

37. When was the first time you smoked? Like a cigarette? Never. Weed? Sometime last fall when I went camping

38. Who last sent you a text? Stephanie

39. Who did you last send a text to? Stephanie lmao

40. What 4 things would you take to a desert island? i’d just die

41. Name the 3 most important people in your life? Shit this is hard because like obviously Stephanie but also my family and there are 4 people in that and I can’t pick whos the most important out of them so

42. Favorite song? I honestly don’t know

43. Favorite movie? Heathers

44. When did you last cuddle someone? fuck idk like late march early april?

45. When did you last have sex? see above

46. If you woke up tomorrow with no fear, what would you do first? probably either jump off a roof or tell my dad I’m into girls

47. What was your biggest worry five years ago, do you still feel the same about it at this minute? Abandonment, yes. Constantly

48. If you could change one law of your country, what would it be? There are way to many fucked up things to even choose

49. What relationships have ended? But you can’t let go? Idk there was one that at first I couldn’t let go but now I can so?

50. Where would you take a road trip? Albuquerque

51. How do Mondays feel for you? during the summer, whatever. During the year, like i put a vacuum on my face

52. If you could spend ten minutes with your ‘hero’ alive or dead what would you ask them? Omg Stephanie how did you get to Germany

53. Do your practice ‘self love’ or ‘self loathing’? a weird combo of both tbh

54. What’s your greatest achievement to date? Idk I guess getting into JMU is p good

55. What scares you about your future? That I won’t’ do well enough to get into Optometry school

56. Why does pizza come in a square box? easier to transport

57. What would happen if you knew you could not fail? so many things

58. How does it feel to be photographed? sometimes I hate it but i like being able to look back on the moments

59. If you could erase an event from your mind, which one would you choose? oh god... maybe seeing my dad cry while I went through security out of Japan for the last time

60. Do you want your children (if you have any) to be ‘just like you’? No. I want my children to be better than me in every way so that once I’ve taught them all I know they can then teach me what they’ve learned

61. Do you stand for what you believe in or are you pleasing others? I try to stand for it

62. If money were no concern, what would you do for the rest of your life? If I had the talent, be a stage actor

63. What are you thankful for, this moment? That surgery went well yesterday

64. Do you have same sex fantasies? Well I mean, yeah

65. If you have had sex in a public place, where? a pool locker room

66. Have you ever cried during/after sex? nope

67. Who is the oldest person you’ve had sex with? Dylan

68. Who is the youngest person you’ve had sex with? Tori

69. Would you rather be in a relationship with a totally submissive partner or a totally dominant partner? Dom

70. How tall are you? 5′10

71. How much do you weigh? 144 which I was hype about because the last time I’d checked I was 150

72. What color is your hair naturally? like dirty blondeish?

73. What size jeans do you wear? 8 I think but idk

74. What is your favorite color to wear? black

75. Do you have any piercings? just ears

76. Do you have any tattoos? no

77. Do you care how other people see you? I mean yeah

78. Do you like sports? I love ballet but other than that no

79. How do you feel about age differences in relationships? It depends. Like below 25 if you have more than a few years I’m iffy, but the older you are the more lenient I am

80. How do you feel about race differences in relationships? idgaf

81. Do you believe in karma or fate? yeah

82. Do you keep a journal? no

83. Describe the last dream you remember: I can’t remember a recent one

84. Describe your favorite dream: Don’t really have one

85. Where are some places you would like to visit? Canada, South America, Paris, etc

86. Any upcoming concerts you want to attend? Paramore and Halsey but I’m too stressed about money to buy tickets

87. What music do you listen to when you are happy? BTR and early 2000s songs rn

88. What music do you listen to when you are mad? Breakup songs. I have a playlist

89. Do you like to burn candles or incense? Candles, yes

90. What was the last alcoholic beverage you consumed? Wine

91. What are your favorite alcoholic beverages? I like sex on the beaches and vodka mixed with cranberry juice

92. Do you smoke cigarettes or cigars? What about marijuana? no cigarettes or cigars. Tried weed twice but it didn’t work

93. Who is your number 1 friend and why is he or she there? Stephanie becuase she’s always there for me and when everything in my life is falling apart she’s always my rock and I just love her so much

94. Has anyone ever mistaken you for a family member? I don’t know what this means

95. Is there anyone of your friends that you would ever consider having sex with? Of my current friends? Nah I don’t think so

96. Would you ever have sex in the shower or the bath? I DON’T WANT TO DIE

97. Have you ever kissed or had sex with someone of the same sex? yeah

98. Do you think your last ex still wants to be with you? //actual// ex? idk maybe

99. Ever wondered what it would be like dating the same gender as you? been there, done that

100. What are your outlooks on gay/bisexual people? dude

101. How often do you brush your teeth? twice a day

102. How often do you shower? When was the last time you had a shower? I try to shower every day. I just took a bath and then washed my hair with the shower head

103. How often do you shave your legs? rarely lmao

104. Political affiliation? dude

105. Opinion on abortion? duDE

106. Opinion on immigrants/ immigration reform? dUDE

107. Should prostitution be legalized? honestly I don’t know enough to say

108. How old would you be if you didn’t know how old you are? wtf kind of meta

109. If life is so short, why do we do so many things we don’t like and like so many things we don’t do? it’s easier that way

110. What is the one thing you’d most like to change about the world? just like... make everyone stop hating everyone else so much

111. If happiness was the national currency, what kind of work would make you rich? acting

112. Would you break the law to save a loved one? 100%

113. If you had to move to a state or country besides the one you currently live in, where would you move and why? well technically I live in both Germany and America so this question is too complex

114. Why are you the person you are? what

115. Have you been the kind of friend you want as a friend? I try but I’ve had slipups

116. Why do religions that support love cause so many wars? bc ppl suc

117. What would you do differently if you knew nobody would judge you? I’‘d probably be a lot more outgoing

118. Were you happy when you woke up today? no

119. What’s a fact about the last person who text messaged you? Well my mom just texted me and she really liked turtles

120. Want someone back in your life? At times, but then I remember they’re gone for a reason

121. What are you excited for? PRAGUE

122. Are you scared to fall in love? sometimes

123. When is your next road trip?idk

124. What was the last thing you did before you went to bed last night? told stephanie I love her

125. Do you like to cuddle? yeh

126. Have you ever kissed more than one person in 24 hours? maybe? idk

127. Plans for tomorrow? we’re going to see castles

128. Do you care too much/not at all/just enough? too much

129. How is life going for you right now? :/

130. If you were offered a shot of whiskey right this second, would you accept? yep

131. This time last year, can you remember who you liked? tori

132. Could you stay in the same relationship for over a year? I mean I never have, but I think I could if the military would butt out

133. If you could have one super power what would it be? transformation

134. Background on your cell phone? the lockscreen is a gradient from purple to pink and the background is Tyler on a piano

135. What are you thinking about right this second? these questions

136. Last book you read? How was it? I Wrote This For You. made me cry. I loved it

137. What is the last thing you bought? coffee at the airport

138. Do you live with your parents? during holidays

139. Have you ever been caught sneaking out? no

140. Have you ever met a celebrity? not like A-list

141. What are you like when you’re drunk? super giggly

142. What are you like when you’re high? idk

143. Do you want children? yeah

144. Do you want a church wedding? no

145. How many pillows do you sleep with? as many as I can

146. Have you ever been scuba diving? nope

147. Who was your first real crush? this guy Matt in 4th grade lmao

148. What are you allergic to? grass and pollen

149. Have you already thought of baby names, and if so what are they? rn I like the name Vita but ask again in like 3 months

150. Do you want a boy a girl for a child? Girl just because I feel like I’d be able to raise her better

151. How did you get your name? My sister pointed at my mom’s baby bump and was like “Michelle!” and they were like ok

152. Name one thing about your body you love? my cheek bones

153. What is your biggest goal in life? be happy. Like fully

154. Do you still have feelings for your ex? nah

155. Do you think aliens are real? YES

156. What age did you start drinking? my first drink was at 14 but I started like regulatory drinking at 17

157. What do you think of President Obama? YES

158. Do you think you’ll be in a relationship two months from now? nah

159. Describe your dream girl/guy? idk

160. Story of your first kiss? we were at a park

161. Story of the first time you made out with someone? same as ^

162. Story of the first time you had sex? I went over to her house while her parents were at work

163. When did you first have sex? when I was 18

164. First time you gave/ received oral sex? ^

165. Do you still talk to the person you lost your virginity to? nope

167. Favorite fictional character (movie, book, tv show)? Holtzman

168. How many followers do you have on tumblr? What about twitter/ instagram? 44/87/19

169. Are you friend with your parents on Facebook? yeah

170. First time you thought you were in love? When did you realize that you weren’t actually in love with that person? 14, when we broke up and I realized I was confusing a crush for love

171. Do you talk to yourself? wayyyy too much

172. How old will you be on your next birthday? 20

173. How did you meet the last person you kissed? tinder

174. Do you have any hickies? not rn

175. Turn ons? being confident without being cocky

176. Turn offs? acting like you’re entitled to me

177. What qualities did you get from your mom? petty, creative

178. What qualities did you get from your dad? idiot, hard working

179. How many siblings do you have? 1

180. Have you ever taken anyone’s virginity? yeah

that took so long omg. ily

#324bee2dun

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blainematters · 8 years

Text

For your reading pleasure, a selection of awful fucking quotes from CC’s latest *~masterpiece~*. That’s right, I read all 407 pages so you don’t have to! Unless you too are a complete masochist, in which case go nuts.

This is image heavy, fair warning. Some names have been slightly altered to protect the crazies who would read this and cry.

Audiences found the show’s campiness to be rather charming, its unique underdog spirit resonated with them, and a global phenomenon was born. Nice description of Glee there. Very original. Good work.

Pitying looks were cast upon the unfortunate souls without seats, as if they were third-class passengers on the Titanic. The death of 1500 people in the worst maritime disaster in history is not a funny or clever simile.

Luckily for him, these days Cash had a little help to take the edge off. He reached into his pocket and pulled out three large pills and two marijuana gummy bears. This is how the main character treats his anxiety. He takes this combo with whiskey. This apparently makes him ‘completely numb’.

He thought it was funny how there was hydrocodone, weed, and alcohol flowing through his veins at a work event but he wasn’t the biggest douchebag onstage. Except he really, really is. Funnily enough people on drugs aren’t the best judge of character.

If he responded with something they didn’t like, his social media would be bombarded with pictures, videos, and GIFs of decapitated animals, human feces, and militants destroying priceless artifacts.

“Olá, fucktards,” Davi said—his use of American slang was a work in progress. What. This character is brazilian, and he swears constantly. Those are his only character traits.

“That’s incredible, Huda,” Mo said. “If only diplomacy worked as efficiently as a fandom, there would never be war again.” I’m fucking dying.

“Young lady,” the psychologist said. “I have studied the human mind for more than four decades. I understand the appeal of joining the transgender community, but I promise you, the transgender movement is nothing short of a trend for nonconformists. In fact, it is still considered a mental illness by the World Health Organization.” Sorry, what appeal? What even is this nonsense? Why does it go on for five pages? Why the need to unnecessarily torture the trans character with this when it makes no difference to his storyline? Why?

Mo had suffered from OID (overactive imagination disorder) since childhood. The condition wasn’t officially recognized by the United States Department of Health (because Mo had made it up) but the disorder was just as taxing and consuming as any. From the entire community of people with mental illness: Fuck you CC. Fuck you for this awful, awful thing. Kindly go fuck yourself for pretending you have any understanding of what a mental illness is like to live with. Ugh.

A very good-looking man in his early twenties. He wore thick sunglasses, a black leather jacket, dark jeans, and designer boots. Yes, this is how ‘Cash’ is described. He’s also been previously described as a total mess who hasn’t showered in days, so I’m not totally convinced it’s accurate.

“I’m T0pher C0llins. It is such a pleasure to meet you, Mr. Carter.” T0pher C0llins? Are you fucking shitting me?

“I walked into my bedroom and saw Peaches had taken a huge dump in the middle of my bed, so I had to clean it up and put my comforter in the washer.” This is said by the only girl in the group, in front of ‘Cash’, who she idolises. Because girls are just stupid fucking blabbermouths right?

“-it’s getting asked advice on how to break into the industry from the guy taking a dump in the stall next to you” Oh look, another thing that has never, ever happened.

“You gotta say that shit so no one labels you as a future has-been—that’ll kill a career. Even if it’s obvious you’ll never do anything but the show you’re on, you can’t admit it.” The first honest and realistic thing in this book, and it only took till chapter seven!

“Every time I get any recognition he writes me into a coma or puts me through something horrendous as punishment. After I was on the cover of TV Guide, he put a dangerous stunt into a script and it broke my ankle. After I won a People’s Choice Award, he put my character in a coma for twelve episodes. The list goes on.” I wonder how Ryan Murphy will react when he hears about this character who is so clearly him?

“Nothing is stranger than fanfiction,” Cash said, like a sailor recalling his encounter with a horrible sea creature. THIS ENTIRE BOOK IS REAL LIFE FANFICTION YOU HYPOCRITICAL ASSHOLE.

“He’s a little jaded, I’ll give you that—but after all the joy he’s given us over the years, the least we can do is let him be a human being. ” Yes, let the straight white cis male tell you all how to think, feel, and act. Your hero isn’t a douche, he’s misunderstood. Let him treat you like shit because who else gets that experience?

The world’s biggest rubber-band ball bounced into the horizon like a deer recently freed from captivity. Chapter nine: ‘Cash’ destroys a national landmark for shits and giggles.

The actor excitedly passed out tickets to Topher, Joey, Sam, and the Sacagawea statue—mistaking it for Mo. He’s also a racist. Are we surprised?

Why is he dancing like an epileptic on roller skates? Aaaaand a joke about epilepsy. I’m sure Hannah loves it.

“What did you do? How did you get over it?” Joey said. “One day I woke up and decided I had had enough.” ‘Cash’ cures his crippling agoraphobia by just going outside. Again, fuck you CC. That is not how mental illness works. Do two seconds of research for fucks sake.

“The night we were all watching the season six finale of Wiz Kids at Joey’s house, I was actually supposed to be watching Billy while my mom was at a Bunco party. I gave him some cold medicine so he would sleep and ran home to check on him every commercial break.” Drug your disabled siblings, your friends will think you’re cool and laugh about instead of telling you that you’re an awful fucking person. Which you are.

“Then one day, as I was posting a GIF of a decapitated giraffe on her profile, I learned WizKidLiz01 was a little girl with Down syndrome.” Also on the list of things that make you an awful fucking person… plagiarism or no, don’t do this shit.

“So what’s your real name?” Topher asked. “Now, that you’re not going to believe,” Cash said. “It’s Tom Hanks.”

“They were the most eccentric group of stoners Cash had ever seen and he couldn’t take his eyes off them, like they were the subjects of a fascinating nature documentary.” One character is literally screaming her head off with paranoia and scratching invisible bugs in her skin, but hey, watching teenagers on a drug trip is so interesting!

“I think you’re giving him too much credit,” Cash said. “He’ll be long gone by then.” Oh yeah, ‘Cash’ is extremely preoccupied with death. He frequently says shit like this alluding to it. No-one notices.

“Because if you don’t, I’m going to tell the fangirls about the treatment we’ve received today and unleash them upon your establishment like a plague of locusts! They’ll harass you, humiliate you, and chase your wrinkled, old, racist ass into hiding for the rest of your miserable existence! Do I make myself clear?” Um… what? Why would you even?

“Of course the brakes worked, I was just fucking with you,” Cash said. ‘Cash’ continues to be the absolute worst by making someone think she’s going to die. Of course, she somehow she also doesn’t know that James Dean died in a car accident. Sigh.

“But I think we’d know it if he was mentally unbalanced or an addict of some kind.” YOU ARE EIGHTEEN YEARS OLD AND YOU ARE A COMPLETE IDIOT. YOU LITERALLY JUST DESCRIBED ‘CASH’.

“You lose the right to humanity when you become famous. It’s just the way it is, but I’m not going to whine about it.” Except in this entire book.

“I’m transgender!” Sam declared. “I know what it’s like to have everyone treat you like something you’re not because people have been doing it to me my whole life. I’ve never met someone who could relate—but it’s like everything you just said! We’re both trapped! We’re both prisoners of unfair expectations!” These! things! are! not! comparable! Mostly because ‘Cash’ could leave that life any time, Sam won’t ever stop having to deal with being trans. Shut the fuck up CC. Sam then spends waaaay too much time explaining gender and sexual identity to ‘Cash’ because he’s a complete moron.

Darla spoke with the energy and enthusiasm of a camp counselor on crystal meth. How is this joke in any way appropriate when the main character is clearly a raging drug addict? He’s literally constantly tweaking.

The others stared at Cash in disbelief. It was like a demon living inside of him had taken the reins. Watch as these people we’re supposed to believe all got into prestigious colleges like Colombia and MIT completely fail to recognise the signs of an addict going through withdrawal.

They had never in their lives felt more exposed, more violated, or more gutted. It was as if someone had ripped off all their clothes and chucked their hearts into the depths of the Grand Canyon. ‘Cash’ is so self-obsessed and full of self-pity he decides to out two people in the group and tell another she’s wasting her life just to make them all feel as awful as he does. What a delightful person huh?

“Joey, I have always wanted a gay best friend. I’m not mad because you hid your orientation from me; I’m just upset because of all the Will & Grace opportunities we’ve missed out on.” ARE YOU SHITTING ME?

He was staring at Topher with a weak smile and his eyes were opened just barely enough to see. He clearly knew who Topher was, but Topher couldn’t place him.

“I have glioblastoma,” Cash said. “That’s a fancy stage name for brain cancer.”

I was fine and could easily hide this until a few days ago, but now I’m so weak and frail you don’t even recognise me. Usually Glioblastoma on the brain stem causes symptoms like seizures, confusion, paralysis, vomiting, dizziness, and loss of basic functions, but I’m a special snowflake and get to stay able-bodied and cognisant until the end!

“In April I started getting these really bad migraines,” Cash explained. “A doctor came to the set and recommended I get a scan. We were behind in production so the producers wouldn’t give me time off to get it done.” It’s all Hollywood’s fault he’s dying! Not his for not getting any fucking treatment. And actors can and do take days off for health reasons, that shit is totally allowed.

“Holy shit,” Topher said. “These are all mine.… You’ve saved every letter I ever wrote to you.…” That’s not totally fucking creepy at all, ‘Cash’.

“He’s not a bad person—he’s got brain cancer! That’s why he’s been behaving the way he has!” That makes everything okay! Except not really. Cancer doesn’t give you a free pass to be an asshole. You aren’t making the most of what life you have left, you’re just being a shithead.

“The actor had had so little control over his life, but his death was exactly how he wanted it to be.” Yes, he dies five days later. No-one wondered about his odd behaviour or suspected he might be sick until they visited him in a hospice. These people must be so stupid they can barely function for this to make sense. He’s been dying for months and nobody at all noticed? Bullshit.

“Oh gosh, I’m so nervous to hear how it went! I practically feel like I came out as transgender, too!” NO MORE.

“Not to be a downer, but did anyone watch the footage from Cash’s funeral today?” Mo asked. “Why did they wait a whole month to have it?” Topher asked. “Because it was sponsored by Canon and their new camera comes out this week,” Mo said.

I don’t think companies generally sponsor funerals? Let’s just hope it wasn’t an open casket, that shit would be nasty after a month.

“Fuck off, I’m banging Marilyn Monroe.” No, god no. Please no. Just end this thing now please.

The aspiring writer felt like she and her friends were living a ridiculous happy ending straight from the final page of one of her outlandish stories. Uh…

And a bonus from the author’s note:

However, for the purpose of good storytelling, the characters’ opinions and choices are sometimes flawed. Please do not view their actions as generalizations or examples to follow, but as the mistakes and triumphs of individuals. All of my characters were awful and/or treated like shit by everyone else, but that’s for the sake of the story. It’s not my fault if you act this way and everyone hates you! (And still love me please god I’m so alone...)

#blainematters reacts to terrible shit

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