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chibsytelford · 4 years

Text

Queen of my Heart

* GIF CREDIT TO CREATOR *

word count - 2139

warnings - slight mention of strangulation, murder, swearing, angst - I think that’s it.

a/n - i haven’t described reader at all. I’m actually really nervous to post this for some reason. I am sure this is the longest thing I have written yet, and idk just nervous. Reblogs and comments are welcomed, and if you would like to be added/removed from my taglist just let me know!

P.s I didn’t mean for it to be this long, and it is kinda based on the song Queen of my Heart by Westlife (my guilty pleasure). Italics are flashbacks and the lyrics.

You knew from the start that getting into a relationship with Angel Reyes might not have been the best decision. Pasts will do that to you. You knew when you first laid eyes on him, that inside he was hiding his pain. The only reason you noticed it was because you were hiding the exact same pain as him. Normally, you avoided guys with baggage, because frankly you could barely deal with your own, never mind someone else’s, but something about him just kept you gravitating more towards him, as each day passed.

It started out in his father’s butcher shop, you had just finished work and you were in the mood for some steak, so you finally checked out la carniceria and you knew the second you walked in you were in trouble. All you wanted was a bit of steak, but you left with (not that you were complaining) Angel Reyes’ phone number. He gave you some standard cheesy pick up line, his smile not quite reaching his eyes, and you knew as soon as he opened his mouth that you were done for, your ‘I don’t do baggage rule’ going straight out the shop door.

It took you a few days to text him. You actually drafted up a ‘Why I should text Angel Reyes list’ and a ‘Why I shouldn’t text Angel Reyes list’ and funnily enough, the list that had more on it was the ‘Why I shouldn’t list’ but as it turns out, the lists were pointless, because you text him anyway.

Your first date you walked around the streets of Santo Padre, just chatting away about life in general, what you did for a job, what he did for a job (he didn’t tell you that much, just that he was in a club with some other men) and of course you didn’t want to pry, it was the first date and all. You spoke about pretty much everything, except the past. It was too early for that. At the end of it, he walked you home, and left you on your door step, wishing you had invited him in, wishing you had kissed him, wishing you had asked him on a second date. But you didn’t need to wait long for a second date.

2 days after your first date, you were on the back of Angel’s motorbike, both hands wrapped tightly around his torso. He had insisted on taking his bike, he wanted you to enjoy the thrill of it as much as he did, and if you were being honest, it was absolutely thrilling, as well as absolutely terrifying. He drove you both to a small forest, where you enjoyed a picnic and the scenery and the attention that Angel was giving you. It was then you decided to pry, just a little bit.

“Tell me Angel, what secret are you carrying?” You asked catching him off guard.

“What makes you think I’m carrying any?” He responded, popping a strawberry in his mouth, conveniently answering a question with another question.

“Honestly? The first time I saw you, when you gave me that hideous pick up line” you both laughed at the memory “the smile you gave me afterwards, it was genuine, but it wasn’t quite a full smile, you know?”

Angel took a moment to gather his thoughts. First he rubbed his beard, then he rubbed his neck, and then he fiddled with his fingers. You placed your hand over his, comforting him, silently telling him there was no rush to answer the question.

He sighed, and slightly shifted his body so he could look at you. “Well, uh, the thing is, I’m not good at this shit, feelings” you could see the pain etched on his face, the way his eyebrows twitched and the way he couldn’t meet your eyes for more than a second.

“Do you want me to go first?” you softly asked, brushing your fingers across his ringed hand, soothing him, and yourself. You knew if you expected him to open up so soon, you had to give him something back.

Angel swiftly nodded, and relaxed slightly, and it was his turn to rub circled on your hand, silently telling you he was listening.

“I came to Santo Padre to get away from my family, my step father specifically”. You took a deep breath and continued “he was horrible. But for some reason, my mother couldn’t bring herself to leave him, something about love. I don’t know” you hated telling this story, if you could call it that, but something about Angel just made you want to tell him everything. “One day, I got home and found him on top of my mother, his hands around her throat, and so I grabbed a kitchen knife, and I stabbed him until I knew he was dead.” Angel’s body tensed and he stopped caressing your hand for a split second, shocked at your revelation. You pulled your hand away instantly, wrapping them around your body.

“Shit Y/N, I’m so fucking sorry you had to go through that” Angel murmured, pulling you into him and placing a soft kiss on your temple, but you could tell his demeanour had changed slightly.

“My mother luckily vouched for my version of events, and so I got away with it, but that feeling of killing someone never leaves you, it takes over your mind and soul” you felt Angel nodding at your remark, like he was admitting he had killed someone too. “Anyway, I stayed there for another few years, in that godforsaken house, but I knew, deep down, as much as she tried to hide it, my mother looked at me differently, so I got out of there, and came here a few years ago, I’ve been laying low, still trying to wrap my head around what I done, that’s probably why you’ve never seen me before. It was fate that took me to your father’s shop” you nudged him in the shoulder, trying to lift the mood slightly.

“That it was” Angel replied back, “And I guess now it’s my turn huh” you nodded in agreement. “Well, I lost my mother, Marisol, years ago. She was murdered” As soon as Angel uttered those words, you knew why he had tensed earlier and you knew why he was just that little bit colder towards you. Because you had murdered someone, and his mother was murdered. “We found the guy, but we kept him alive. He was ordered to do it” You weren’t sure if Angel would want you to touch him, so you kept your hands to yourself, waiting for him to continue his story. “I carry the pain of her death with me every single day, I don’t think I’ll ever get over it” he admitted.

“Of course you won’t, it’s your family, your mother and that will always stick with you in your heart” you said, reassuring him that it was normal. “It seems we are both pretty fucked up, huh?” Angel commented, lifting the mood once again ever so slightly.

“Do you look at me differently now? Knowing that I murdered someone? I did to my stepfather what someone did to your beloved mother” you questioned.

Angel took a second to answer. “You had your reasons, reasons I agree with, so no, I don’t feel differently towards you” but as Angel said that, you were second guessing him, and you always would.

After your second date, when you got home, Angel asked you to officially be his girlfriend. You said yes, but there was still a small part of you that thought it was a bad idea, and that it could only end badly. You thought Angel only asked you to be his girl because you both shared stories of your past and you clicked together, and you said yes, because you really liked him, but also because you thought you deserved happiness, and he did too, even though you still carried the thought inside you that Angel looked at you a little different after your revelation. You knew you were being selfish, but you couldn’t stop yourself.

Recently Angel had been spending more time with the club, over time you had learned completely what they did, and you stood by Angel. Everyone had their reasons for doing things, and you knew that better than most people. You felt that he was avoiding you more than usual, staying out later, leaving earlier in the mornings, barely responding to texts, and something inside you, just didn’t really care anymore. You had had a wonderful couple years being by Angel’s side, but you always knew that something like this might happen.

You quickly fired a text to Angel telling him to meet you at your place. The forest where your second date took place.

He arrived on his bike 5 minutes after you, and you watched him walk towards you. It seemed to take an eternity until he was standing in front of you. It was the same place, but you felt like a completely different person standing here now, a few years on.

“Hey” you said, letting out the breath you didn’t know you were holding. “Thanks for coming”

“Of course I came” he answered back, rubbing the back of his neck. You wondered if he was feeling the same as you. It would make the whole thing a bit easier if he did.

“I just wanna-“ Angel cut you off, holding a hand up to stop you talking. “Can I go first?” You nodded at him, secretly glad he wanted to.

“I love you, I really do, but I think you know as well as me, we stopped working months ago, I’m not good at this shit, feelings” you both said together, causing a small smile from the man stood in front of you. “Exactly, I don’t know if you’ve noticed I’ve been distant lately, the shit with the club has taken over my life completely, but I think I’m just realising now, that we jumped into this too quickly” Angel revealed, stuffing his hands in his pockets. You nodded, acknowledging what he said and taking a second to gather your thoughts.

“I mean, Angel, I love you too, but I have to admit, you’re right. I should be angry you’ve been coming home late, I should be angry that you barely reply to my texts, but honestly I haven’t been. I think we did rush into this like you said, after our second date, where we both revealed our pasts, I think we took comfort in knowing that our pasts were out there, and we weren’t being judged. I know that now”. You both visibly relaxed slightly, and the atmosphere shifted too. It was calm. Nice.

Angel made the first move, grabbing your hand and placing a soft kiss on your palm. You closed your eyes for a second, engraving the memory of the kiss in your mind.

“Thank you Y/N, for trusting me with your secret, for listening to my pain and past, for just being you. I know we didn’t work out, but I just want you to know, I will always remember you.” Angel wiped a stray tear that had managed to escape his eyes. “Fuck, look at me” he laughed.

So here we stand in our secret place

Where the sound of the crowd is so far away

You take my hand, and it feels like home

We both understand, it where we belong

So do I say, do I say goodbye

We both have our dreams we both want to fly

So let’s take tonight, to carry us through the lonely times

“God Angel, you’ve got me crying now” you laughed back also wiping away your tears. “I’m glad we met. You accepted me for who I am, and for that I will always thank you, and cherish you. Who knows, maybe under different circumstances, we would have worked out, but I can honestly say I’m thankful for the years we have spent together, it just wasn’t meant to be”.

You and Angel gave each other one last hug, one last smile, one last look. “Take care, querida, I’ll always remember you” Angel whispered, placing your hand over his heart. He then let go and headed back to his bike. You watched him walk away, you watched him climb onto the bike and you watched him drive away from you. You were sad of course, but you knew that it was for the best.

@rebelwrites @mayans-sauce @everyhowlmarksthedead @encounterthepast @angelreyesgirl @starrynite7114 @jadesamhart @fangirlingaesthetics @trulysuccubus @lovebennycolonmiguelgalindo @multiyfandomgirl40 @queenbeered @lauraashley93 @deeandbobbymcgee @shelliechen @calif0rnia-lovers @yourwonkywriter @peaches007 @scuzmunkie @blessedboo @sheeshgivemeabreak @sadeyesgf @anangelwhodidntfall @gemini0410 @rocketqueen @destynelseclipsa @xx--day-dreamer--xx @talicat713 @i-love-scott-mccall

I'll always look back as I walk away

Memories will last for eternity

And all of our tears will be lost in the rain

When I found my way back to your arms again

But until that day, you know you are

The Queen of my heart

#angel reyes fanfic #angel reyes x reader #mayans mc #angel reyes

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random-fandom1 · 3 years

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I’ve been thinking about this for ages and have just gotten round to writing it.

Some quick background information before we start. Peter is 27 in this and is dating Bucky who is genetically still 28 - 32 because of the cyro freeze. They’ve been dating for 3 years now and no one knows they’re dating (well, maybe some people know. They live with two assassins so Natasha must know, Wanda must suspect at least and Loki knows because he walked in on them doing the you know once. They had to slave after him for a week to make sure he didn’t tell anyone).

It’s not like they’re hiding it but are at the same time. Who knows what Steve and Tony would do if they found out their precious little peter was dating one of their closest friends.

Enjoy!

__________________________________________

The avengers have just finished fighting a villain, some kind of alien or something. Like any other time they’re in a fight, they didn’t all get out unscathed. It’s not too bad this time, Peters just fractured his wrist and dislocated his elbow when swinging around and falling. His dads (and Bucky in secret) insist that he goes to the hospital wing to get it checked on.

This is how they’ve ended up in this situation.

6:48 pm

“But Jamieeeeeee! I want to do the interview, it’s James Corden. You know how much I love James Corden. My hand and arm are fine!” Peter whines trying to get out from under the scratchy hospital sheets Bucky wrapped him in. Bucky rubs the bridge of his nose, sighing deeply. He loves his boyfriend but he can get really whiney and clingy when he’s doped up on pain killers.

“Doll, you know you have to stay here. We’ll have plenty of times to go on to The Late Late Show in the Future. For now, you have to rest,” he says as a nurse walks into check his vitals, “I’ll be back later Peter, be good for the nurses”. Bucky starts to exit the room, looking back as he reaches the doorway to see his boyfriend chatting away to the nurse with a pout on his face. ‘He’s probably asking her if she can discharge him without his dads knowing’ he thinks to himself. James smiles to himself as he walks down the corridor to the main floors so he can get ready for the interview.

8:34

It was going well. The avengers had just been introduced and had taken their seats on the 3 couches they brought out for them (Couch 1 = Tony, Steve, Natasha and Thor/Couch 2 = Wanda, Vision, Clint and Pietro because he never died/Couch 3 = Bucky, and supposedly Peter.) Tony and Steve were running late but promised they’d make it by 8:45. Traffic must of gotten bad because of all the paparazzi.

Once the audience had stopped cheering and they had all been introduced to the audience, James started off with the obvious question.

“I notice that we are missing a few people. Does anyone know whats happened to the Roger-Stark family?” James asked. Before anyone could answer they heard a voice coming from the back of the audience

“We’re here, we’re here. The Stark-Rogers are here. This one insisted we take him, no matter how much meds he was on. Children am I right?” Came the voice of the one and only Tony Stark-Rogers. Tony walked in front of Steve who was carrying Spiderman who was wrapped in a blanket burrito. They walked to the front where the rest of the crew were sitting, Steve going to the last couch to dump Peter.

Bucky could feel his emotions swirling around in him. The frustration of Peter not listening to his advice, worry about his boy’s injuries and if they’ve healed properly as well as adoration for how adorable he looked wrapped up, while completely out of it. As Steve puts Peter on the couch, he let out a small ‘oof’ which James had to resist cooing at. Instead, he gives Steve a nod of acknowledgement and returns to surveying the area with a cold, emotionless look on his face, trying to keep up his dangerous, assassin persona.

At least that was what he was trying to do. It was kind of hard to be a murderous assassin when your precious boyfriend is all tired and clinging onto a blanket a mere 3 feet away from you. He tries his hardest to ignore him. He really does. But all hope is lost when Peter starts to slowly shift closer to him, muttering something about the warmth and ‘my bucky bear’. Peter, bless his little drugged out self, slowly and discreetly shimmies over to his boyfriend. All the attention is on the most well known of the avengers at the front so no one notices Peter nuzzle into Bucky’s side.

“Babe, doll, what are you doing? We’re on live TV.” Bucky whispers, subconsciously wrapping his metal arm around his boy.

“Oh Jamie, your nice and warm,” Peter says, muffled from where his head is buried in the crook of his neck. Everything blurs out in the background and the only thing Bucky can focus on is Peter. About how his steady breathing is hitting the exposed skin of his neck and how his petite frame is starting to koala hug his own muscular built one. The boy is perfect in his eyes. His boy is perfect. His. He can’t help but to copy his boyfriend and bury his own face into the boy’s neck.

“Bucky, what are you doing back there?” Comes an English accent from somewhere around him. As if on instinct Bucky replies,

“Hugging my boyfriend what does it look like?”

There’s gasps heard around them

Shit! He must have zoned out badly. Bucky looks up from where his face was in Peter’s neck, face a scarlet red and eyes like a deer caught in headlights. Looking around him, he sees a majority of the avengers with their eyes wide open, mouths agape. The crowd aren’t much better. The studio is dead silent. Peter lifts his head slowly, totally dazed, and innocently asks,

“What did I miss Jamie?”

Buckys eyes land on his boyfriends face, momentarily relaxing but quickly his eyes catch the ones of the people in front of them. His best friend and his best friends husband. Peter’s parents.

Gently placing Peter to the side, Bucky stands up with his arms out, as if he were approaching a lion. Steve has a look of shock and hurt on his face while Tony’s is radiating off pure anger.

“We, I can explain. Stevie just - fuck, Stevie just listen to me. I love h -”

Before he can finish the sentence Steve is grabbing him by the arm and taking him backstage into a private room.

8:58

“MY SON! MY SON BUCKY! You were telling me about this relationship for months! About how you’ve been seeing someone, someone younger. But you don’t really have a choice now with people your age, you can’t exactly go chasing 102-year-olds who look 30! He’s 27! Buck, how, why, Bucky -” Bucky cuts him off by placing a hand on his shoulder and massaging

“Stevie just shut up,” Bucky still knows how to shut him up when he’s about to have a panic attack, “Look, first I want to say that I’m actually only physically in the 28-32 age range. You are now older than me punk,

“Secondly, I’m sorry. I wish I didn’t feel this way, you have no idea how many nights I wasted trying to convince myself that I didn’t like him. I love him, and he loves me. You know better than most that you can’t control who you love. Peter, god Peter deserves so much better than me but I’m going to stay with him for as long as he’ll have me. I, I just adore him with every cell in my body. He makes me happy, when I see him he just lights up a room. I, I just love him, words can't express how much ”

Steve stays silent for a moment, looking deflated. Like the small, frail boy he was back then. He looks at Bucky and in that look, Bucky knows, knows that he is forgiven, given half the permission he needs, that he still has his best friend.

“Come here Punk,” Bucky says stepping over to Steve and pulling him into a tight embrace.

"Love you Buck"

"Love you too, Stevie"

9:17

Bucky and Steve had been hugging for just over 7 minutes when Tony barges in with Peter groggily walking in behind him. He's still confused on what's going on, why are his dads so angry at him and Bucky?.

"Bucky," Tony starts off, "I give you forgiveness, a roof over your head, I fucking convinced the government that you weren't a threat! And you go ahead and date my SON!" You can see Tony slowly growing more angry by the second. He continues

"I'd have every intention to throw you out if it weren't for the fact that your Steve's best friend and Peters boyfriend. That would hurt them and I dont hurt those who I love, not anymore. So, I'm here to hear out your side of the story because funnily enough, doped up Peter can't really say things that make sense.'" All eyes turn to Bucky as he gulps but nether the less, starts talking

"Tony, and Steve because I didn't tell you the whole story. I'm going to be honest with you guys, yous deserve to know. I want to start of by saying that I am forever grateful for everything yous have ever done to me. I love yous,

"It was 4 years ago, just after I moved into the tower when Peter came up to me. The kid wouldn't shut up. I wanted to be alone, at least that's what I thought I wanted. We slowly became friends. I trusted him with my life. I helped him with school work, he helped me with nightmares. We clicked, we worked. Feelings started to develope after a while and one night when we were studying on his little balcony, he kissed me and I kissed back. We've been dating 3 years now and they've been the best 3 years of my life. I love him, so so much. So please, don't make us break up, I don't think I'd survive without him. He's my light, my star. I want to marry him and start a family, live in a house just outside of New York so its still convenient for spiderman and avengers business. Maybe have a dog and definitely some goats. I want all that with him" Bucky finished with a tear rolling down his cheek. He really hoped Tony would understand, understand that they love each other

Tony sighs and rubs his forehead. All the gears in his head are turning and he's getting a headache. Tony sighs.

"Well, I guess there's not much I can do. I believe you Bucky, your a good man. I give you my blessing or whatever to date him. Can we go home now" Tony says walking away, talking to no one in particular. Steve chases after him, leaving the boyfriends alone in the studio room. Bucky is grinning like the Cheshire cat, that's not how he expected that to go. There was definitely more shouting in his head. Peter suddenly comes up to him and plonks a kiss right on his lips.

"Well then Bucky Bear, shall we go home?" Peter holds his hand out but instead of taking it, Bucky scoops him up and carries him out of the room.

"Of course doll, anything you want"

#peter parker #winterspider #tony stark #bucky barnes #avengers #superfamily #steve rogers #marvel #cute #stony #james corden

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detectivecarlosreyes · 4 years

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In Case of Emergency (Ch 9/10)

Ao3 | 2.9/18.5k | Buddie | Status: Incomplete

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Chapter 9: It’s about time In which Buck and Eddie try to disclose their relationship; if only calls didn’t keep getting in the way. Set in mid-3x18: What’s next.

Things were going well between them. After recovering mentally and physically from Eddie’s ordeal, they were closer than ever, with Buck spending most nights in the Diaz household than he ever was before. He was there for Chris’s first sleepover party, being an incredibly helpful chaperone to a bunch of hyperactive 9-year-olds. He was as much a parent as he was both a form of entertainment for the kids and was a welcome relief to the stresses of parenting such an event.

It was good, practically perfect really, having him home all the time, helping, basically being an integral part of the family. He was rarely in his own apartment anymore, only returning to collect his mail and restock on clothes really.

Buck was effectively living with them full time, his wardrobe slowly but surely integrating into his own and their relationship had progressed to the point that it was near almost impossible for them to keep it to themselves anymore, considering how intertwined their lives had become. So now, in their downtime between calls, nearly every recount of what they did on their time off involved the presence of the other.

They were pretty sure the others were finally catching on. It was hard to miss the side-eyed glances when he mentioned something involving Buck and Chris or when Buck did the same mentioning him and Chris. They were also noticing long considering looks coming from Bobby, especially when they were doing something together alone when at the station, but it was hard to say whether he knew but was waiting for them to come to him or if he just suspected something was going on.

In any case, they knew it was long overdue for them to officially be seen as a couple in the eyes of the team and the universe, except the problem was, anytime they tried to get Bobby alone for a chat or tried to bring it up when there was a dip in conversation, something else became more important.

Their most recent attempt was the closest they had ever gotten, having managed to catch Bobby alone in his office looking at them expectantly behind his desk.

Buck had just managed to utter, “Bobby, there’s something that Eddie and I have been wanting to tell you. We’re in a--”

He was cut off before he could finish the sentence, the call alarm blaring for their attention and distracting them all from the conversation at hand. It resulted in a rushed promise from Bobby that they would finish the chat when they returned after the call.

The call being the train derailment; bringing Eddie face to face with a person that he has only ever heard of.

Abby.

Buck’s ex-girlfriend.

As soon as Buck appeared by his side and said her name Eddie knew exactly who she was. How could he not? Buck had been living in her apartment in the first half of the year of him knowing the man and he remembered how long Buck carried a torch for her. How long he desperately held on to the idea that she was still his girlfriend until he finally let go and moved out of her apartment.

And now here she was, just showing up after all this time; no text, no call, no warning at all that she was coming back into town. Returning with a fiancé no less. He saw the way Buck reacted, how that revelation affected him. And then Buck, his kind-hearted, selfless boyfriend goes and promises her that he’d bring back her fiancé with the heavy implication that he would make sure they brought Sam back alive.

He didn’t understand. He didn’t understand why Buck would make that promise, she had ghosted him for months before he had finally given up on the hope that she’d return. It made him nervous because he knew exactly how far Buck would be willing to go for a promise, and that terrified him.

And he was right. Buck wouldn’t listen to reason, so focused on being able to deliver on his promise that he seemed willing to ignore rational thought. He was so hell-bent on trying to save Sam even though there was no feasible way of rescuing him and the girl, that he was willing to put his life on the line. It was maddening and enough to make him snap out of fear and frustration in a last-ditch attempt to make Buck see reason.

“Buck, stop! Alright, I know you made a promise.”

And then for him to see Buck to back-track and fail to divulge pertinent information to Cap as to why he was acting the way he was, well, it set his teeth on edge and it had him spitting out, “Abby! His fiancé is Abby.”

Unable to look at Buck as he continued to blatantly disregard his own safety for a promise he shouldn’t have made, he left Bobby to deal with him, hoping that maybe the Captain would have more sway in talking Buck down from his dangerous plan. But it seemed not even Bobby could talk Buck down, especially when, much to his chagrin, he was offering admittedly sound reasoning.

That didn’t stop him from worrying about the man the whole time he was out there, hanging off the side of this awfully unstable car. It was one thing to be on the inside if it destabilised and falls, it was another thing entirely to be attached to it on the outside with no way to protect one’s self from the fall.

Thankfully, it was a situation that didn’t eventuate, and for that Eddie was enormously relieved because he wasn’t sure his heart could take it if it did. In the end, he was left with Buck watching as the ambulance drove away and could only imagine how Buck was hurting from seeing Abby and Sam together. It was enough to dispel any residual feelings of frustration and anger that he might have felt about the situation.

In fact, the whole situation was enough to put things in perspective for Eddie. Reminding him of how far he and Buck’s relationship has progressed and how much he wanted it to keep progressing and take the next logical step. But first, they were going to have to deal with Bobby who seemed to have remembered their previous meeting, despite the exhausting call, as he muttered to the two of them to join him in his office once they returned back to the station and restocked the trucks.

“Now what was it that the two of you wanted to talk to me about? Don’t tell me it has something to do with the way you were both acting today in that train car,” Opened Bobby when they finally joined him, looking up from his paperwork with a tired sigh.

“Well, it does, and it doesn’t,” Eddie answered vaguely, causing Buck to shoot him a look as he closed the door and took a seat beside him.

“What’s that supposed to mean, Eddie?” asked Buck in a hushed tone, half-turning in his chair.

“Nothing. We can talk about it later,” he muttered back, not wanting to talk about it right this second.

“If this is about Abby, you know I had no idea that she was coming back.” Pressed Buck.

Before he had a chance to respond to Buck and say that yes it was about Abby but not it the way that he thinks, Bobby was clearing his throat, reminding them that he was in the room and waiting for an answer to his initial question.

“Right, sorry Cap. What Buck and I have been wanting to tell you is that we’re in a relationship.”

Bobby looked between them as if he were trying to gauge whether or not he was joking and must have come to a conclusion because his next question was simply, “How long has this been going on for?”

“Over eight months.” Buck jumped in, answering resolutely, “We wanted to be sure before we told anyone.”

“Well, that clears up a few things.” They heard him mutter under his breath as he pulled out a manila folder from his top desk drawer before addressing them again, “I had a feeling this might come up at some point, I’ve been waiting with the paperwork for the last couple of weeks.”

“You knew?”

“Well,” Bobby drew out as he slid across the relationship disclosure form, “I didn’t know for certain, but I have been suspecting that something was going on, so have Hen and Chim, just didn’t realise exactly how long it’s been going on for.”

He waited patiently after handing a pen to them to fill out the form and sign it before sliding it back to him.

“As your friend, I am happy for the two of you but as your boss let me make one thing clear. If your personal relationship starts to affect your work on the job, I won’t hesitate to transfer one of you to one of the other teams in the station. Understood.”

“Yes, sir.”

“We promise to be 100 percent professional at work just like we have been when you didn’t know about us-”

Bobby raises an eyebrow at that, giving them a pointed look.

“- but we will try to do better at controlling our emotions if and when one of us is in a dangerous situation?” Buck tacked on questioningly, assuming that was Bobby’s look was alluding to.

Bobby nodded in approval before adding in good humour, “I should hope so, however, I have a feeling we might have to revisit this conversation sometime in the future.”

Eddie chuckled as he stood up, “That is entirely possible, but we will do our best to avoid it.”

“Good.” Bobby said with a grin as he offered his hand to both of them, grasping each of their arms warmly with his free hand, “I really am happy for you both. Now go, tell the others.”

With a sigh of relief, they left the office feeling somewhat liberated over finally disclosing their relationship. Admittedly, one of the reasons for their hesitation was that they weren’t sure they would be allowed to continue working in the same team and they wanted to prolong the moment for as long as they could, not wanting to be separated. But it seemed they were worried for nothing and now they could bring Hen and Chim into the loop.

Funnily enough, they didn’t have to look far for their friends, finding them not so subtly loitering nearby. Feeling Buck’s fingers thread between his own as they move to greet the other two, Eddie found himself unable to keep the smile from his face, knowing that this was something they could now do freely in front of their friends.

They barely had to say anything, with Hen immediately zeroing in on their joined hands and crowed in delight over their announcement before a group hug was instigated by Chim, celebrating their news, and declaring how overjoyed they were.

“Can I just say you two are adorable,” Hen remarked when they relocated to the couches, causing him to blush over the comment, knowing that he and Buck had left little room between each other on the couch and had yet to relinquish the other’s hand. “And it’s nice to see that you guys are so comfortable about it after only a couple of months, I honestly thought you’d be more awkward about it.”

“Well,” Buck drew out in a contradictory higher register, “I’d say that’s because it’s been a bit longer than a couple of months.”

“Uhh, how long is ‘a bit longer’?” chimed in Chim, parroting the short phrase back at them.

Eddie looked at Buck who in turn looked at him, and they had a momentary silent conversation based on eyebrow movements and head tilts over who got to break the news. It ended with him sighing and turning back to the waiting pair, knowing what their reaction would be, “Some time since before Halloween last year.”

Their collective response to the admittance had him both wincing and trying to suppress the laughter that was bubbling in his chest over Chim and Hen’s affronted exclamations that they had waited so long to tell them.

“In our defence, we stopped actively trying to keep it a secret at the beginning of the year, we thought you’d figure it out sooner.”

“So, at all the gatherings this year, when you just happened to be dressed similarly and always also came in the same car together with Christopher and seemed to spend your days off together more often than not, that was you being a couple?”

“Yep!” Buck confirmed, popping the p as he relaxed further into the couch cushion and pressed himself more heavily into Eddie’s side.

“Oh my god, that makes so much sense. I can’t believe we didn’t see it.”

They watched as Hen and Chim withdrew into themselves re-evaluating all the moments together and realising what was so blatantly there. It was after a few more drawn-out minutes that Chim startled and stared Buck down.

“Wait, does Maddie know?”

Naturally just as Buck is about to respond, the call alarm sounded sending them all into a flurry to head down to the trucks. Chim however stopped at the bottom of the stairs and repeated his question more loudly. “Buck! Does Maddie know?”

Eddie watched out of the corner of his eye as Buck stopped mid-step and turned back to Chim gesturing for him to hurry up as he does so, “Yes Chim, Maddie was the first to know, now come on, we’ve got to go!”

This jump-started Chim back into action, “Right, yes, of course.” But that didn’t stop him from muttering that he couldn’t believe she didn’t tell him sooner.

** ** ** ** ** ** ** **

It’s not until they make it back home, do they revisit the aborted conversation that started in Bobby’s office.

“So Eds,” Buck opened with from the bathroom doorway having just finished brushing his teeth, “it’s later. Want to tell me what you meant in Bobby’s office.”

He sighed, realising that he might have been a bit dramatic about the whole situation as he shucked on his bed shirt, “I didn’t really mean anything by it, honestly.”

“I feel like that sigh said otherwise,” Buck observed as he turned off the bathroom light and flipped back the covers, and slid into bed.

“I don’t know what to tell you, Buck! In that train car, I was just so worried about how far you’d go for that stupid promise. That’s all,” he ended up saying in hushed exasperation, turning on the bedside lamp and moved around the room to turn off the bedroom light before moving to climb into his side of the bed.

Buck wrapped an arm around his shoulder when he did and he let Buck pull him into his side, “I only said that because I was thrown. I haven’t seen or spoken to her in almost 2 years and she came back with a fiancé.”

He huffed at that and pushed his mild annoyance aside, relaxing into Buck’s embrace instead, “Okay, so maybe I was being a bit irrational too. But so were you promising to save him, you know that we’re not supposed to do that.”

“I know. And as much as I know I shouldn’t after the way things ended between us, I do still care about her, I didn’t want to be the reason she didn’t get to be happy.”

He repositioned his head to settle it more closely to Buck’s heart speaking softly, “I get it,” and then after a period of quiet as they listened to each other breathe he suggested, “You should go see her.”

The was a beat of hesitation from Buck, “…you sure?”

“Yeah, of course. I mean, I may resent her as your friend and boyfriend for what she did, but this is about you. You deserve to get the closure she owes you.”

There’s a long considering pause as Buck thought it over, long enough that Eddie actually thought he might have fallen asleep, so he shifted across Buck’s warm chest to turn off the lamp and resettle back onto his pillow.

“Eddie?” is spoken softly into the darkness, the sound of a head turning on a pillow.

Rolling back onto his side to face Buck even in the darkness, he places a hand on Buck’s bare chest, “Yeah Buck?”

“I just want you to know how much I love being part of your life. You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me and I promise to do everything in my power to keep it that way for as long as you’ll have me.”

Smiling softly at the heartfelt declaration, he uttered immediately in response, “I love being part of your life too Buck and I know how seriously you take your promises." He pressed a kiss to the tip of Buck’s shoulder, "Don't worry, I don’t intend on letting you go anytime soon.”

“I’m glad to hear it.” He felt as Buck adjusted his position slightly to drop a kiss to the crown of his head with a contented sigh.

The conversation trailed off after that and he could feel Buck slowly drifting off beneath him. He wasn’t lying, after everything the day had brought and the months leading up to it, Eddie knew one thing for certain; he wanted to take the next natural progression in their relationship and have Buck move in properly, officially. Now he just needed the assistance of one Christopher Diaz to make it happen.

#jess writes #my fic #911 fic #buddie fic #eddie diaz #evan buckley #911 on fox #buddie #911 fox #userkourt #userkimmy #userpauline #userjillian #eddiesdiaz #gracieli #useraninha #javachik #tuserjamie #buddie4ever20

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inlovewithfictionals · 4 years

Text

I Need You Alive (Jason Todd x Reader)

A/N: Don’t let the title confuse you, this isn’t an angst about Jason or the reader dying no no no I’m not writing that type of angst. Not yet, at least. This fic is another fluff (yes, again). But the flashback was… angsty. And Y/N is a doctor in this (It’s mainly for the flashback). I have a much darker plan for the flashback, but I thought “I’ll save that for future fics.” So… stay tuned, lads! Ftr, ‘Y/H/T’ means ‘Your Home Town’. Ok bye. Enjoy, Y/Ns!

Warnings: Mentions of death (again, it’s not Jason’s or yours), bloods but not a lot, I’m pretty sure there’s no swear words, mostly fluff.

Word Count: 2238 (This was supposed to be a short fluff, but i got carried away.)

“So, sweetie, how are you and Jason?” Y/N’s mum asked over the phone that was currently on a video call with her daughter.

“We’re fine. He’s been treating me ‘like his queen’ as dad had told him the day he talks to Jay.” Y/N giggled, making a quotation marks with her fingers in front of her phone.

Her parents never talked to Jason in person since she lived with Jason in Gotham City while her parents live all the way in Y/H/T. Y/N was always the one who visited them, but she never brought Jason with her. Reason being that Jason has his Red Hood persona here at Gotham with the rest of his family and she thought, what if the Batfam needs him while he was away with me?

So she never took Jason with her. And with a bit of arguments, Jason agreed.

She also has this other reason. The whole one and a half year of dating him, she always tests if Jason is worthy enough to be introduced to her parents. Don’t get her wrong, before they started dating, she already loved him. But her experiences with her past lovers makes her more cautious. Which is why she doesn’t rush her current boyfriend to meet her parents. She wants to take it slow.

Again, with a bit of arguments, Jason agreed. About seven months into their close relationship, she thought to herself, mum and dad would love him.

“He better be! He sounded like a great guy. Can’t wait to meet him in person!” Her dad butted in. His voice had a hint of playfulness.

“Oh! Speaking of which, when can we see him?” Her mum asked.

“The next time I go and visit you guys, I’ll take him with me. No promises though.” Y/N answered. “And I have to ask Jason if he’s ready to meet you guys eye to eye.”

“Make sure he’s absolutely ready to meet me. I can be pretty intimidating, you know?” Her dad stated half-jokingly while straighten his posture and deepening his voice funnily.

“Yes, dad.” She laughed at his dad’s antics.

“Well, we’ll wait for both of you here! Bye, sweetie, we love you!”

“Bye, love you too!” She said, hanging up.

She stretched her body and arms after the call. She had been sitting in front of the coffee table, hunching for about an hour of talking with her parents through phone. She doesn’t call or get called by her parents often, but when she did, expect a lot of laughs, talking, and possibly gossiping. Yes, she is, in fact, an adult. But that doesn’t stop her from being a teen or a child whenever she’s with her family.

Y/N looked at the time on her phone, realizing that it’s already 9.30 PM. Well, that conversation took some time.

She got up from the floor and made her way to the kitchen to make herself a tea. While she’s doing that, she thought back to the day she knew that Jason is the guy she would take to her parents.

Y/N was curled up in a ball on the corner of the room, crying. Earlier that day, she was doing a surgery on a girl that has been in a car accident. It’s pretty fatal, small chance of her surviving. But Y/N was determined to save this girl.

The girls’ parents told the nurse, who later told Y/N, that the girl had an argument with her parents. She ran away from the argument and got into this accident. This makes Y/N more determined to save her. I can and I will save her, she tells herself.

But unfortunately, death disagrees with her. She failed.

The look on the parents’ face when she told them that their daughter didn’t survive was etched into her memory. She feels guilty for failing to save her. After the surgery, she was allowed to go home and have some rest. It’s been about thirty minutes after she got home, she’s still on her work outfit, crying non-stop.

When Jason got home, he expects his girl to run into his arms like she used to if she’s awake. But when she didn’t, he thought she was sleeping or she’s still at work until he heard quiet sniffles from the corner of the bedroom. He immediately made his way to her and hugs her. Worry starts to fill him as well as his protective side starts to take over. Why is she crying? Did someone hurt her? Did she get fired? Did she get mugged?

“Doll, what happened?” Jason asked her.

“I couldn’t save her. I couldn’t save her, Jay.” Y/N cried softly on the crook of his neck. “She was on a car accident, I couldn’t save her. Her parents’ face when I told them-“ She couldn’t finish her sentences as she let out more sobs.

Jason was a bit shocked when he heard this. Almost a year of knowing her, Jason never heard Y/N failed to save a patient before. She even successfully healed Damian’s fatal wounds that one time. So this is new. He hugs her tighter while shushing her softly.

“It’s not your fault, Y/N. You did your best to save her. You always do when it comes to healing someone.”

“But I-“

“You’re not the one who caused the accident, so it’s not your fault. I’m sure the parents know this, Y/N.” Jason told her softly, brushing her hair out of her face.

“It’s not your fault.” He said one more time before kissing her temple.

Y/N starts to calm down. Her sobs and cries has died down. She’s breathing steadily. She nuzzled herself into his chest, putting herself closer. Jason tighten his arms around her, whispering sweet nothings to comfort her. And that’s the moment where she knew that she had to keep him. And that he’s the guy her parents would be proud to have as a son in law.

“Thanks, Jaybird. For being here when I need you. I love you.”

“I love you too.”

She smiled on the memory as she placed her mug on the coffee table.

She’s planning on waiting for Jason to come home that night to ask him if he can come with her the next time she visited her parents. She wanted Jason to come with her the last time she visited, but Jason had a mission at the time. So she was hoping that he didn’t have a mission this time. It’ll be a quick visit.

Y/N made herself comfortable on the couch, turning on a movie series to watch while she waits. As time goes on, Y/N felt her eyes dropping. She tried her best to stay awake, but alas, in the end, she’s too tired to do so.

Jason arrived home not long after Y/N fell asleep. He opened the living room window, staggering inside and made his way to the bathroom. Jason tried so hard not to be too noisy when he saw Y/N sleeping on the couch. He made a mental note to move her to the bed after he finished patching himself up.

That is if I didn’t wake her up, he thought. But he accidentally tripped and fall face first into the floor. Fortunately, he still wears his helmet.

Unfortunately, the sound is loud enough to wake the sleeping Y/N.

“Jason? Is that you?” She asked, yawning.

“Sorry. Go back to sleep, doll.” Jason apologized, groaning lightly as he stood up and made his way to the bathroom.

Jason turned on the bathroom lights and took off his helmet and mask, placing them on the shower to wash later. He opened the medicine cabinet above the sink and grab a couple of things he needed for his ‘minor’ injuries. As he begin to take his leather jacket off, he heard the sound of foot-steps walking towards him.

He looked at the door to see Y/N scratching her droopy eyes, one of her hands reaching out to grab his jacket. “Take your armour off.” She said.

“Are you trying to seduce me, Y/L/N?” Jason smirked teasingly.

“Jason, just take…“ She stopped to let out a small yawn. “…Take off your armour.” She continued as she walks out of the bathroom to put the jacket in the washing machine.

While he takes his gloves and armour off, Jason let out a small chuckle at how she looks. She was wearing a red hoodie that was supposed to be Jason’s, a pair of basketball shorts, her hair is messy but in a cute way, and her eyes looked as if she’s so done with everyone and everything. It’s kind of adorable, if he’s honest.

Y/N came back not long after. She gave Jason an icepack for the bruises and grabbed a small cloth from the sink cabinet, wets it with a warm water from the sink, and starts to clean Jason’s bloody wounds on his arms and chest. The wounds looked like a stab wound, it doesn’t look like they need stitches, but it does look bad. Jason watched as she cleaned his injuries.

“I thought I told you to go back to bed?”

“Technically, you told me to go back to sleep. But I didn’t listen.” She answered, starting to put antibiotics on a cotton pad. “Put the icepack on your foot later. I heard you staggering earlier. No blood on your pants, so it’s probably be a bruise.” Jason put the ice on his supposedly bruised leg, as instructed.

She goes back to his cuts, inspecting it before patting the cotton pad on it. She did the same to his other cuts and then she puts a bandage over the bigger wounds. “You’re being a little reckless, aren’t you?”

“Not too reckless. I mean, I only got hurt this much.” He smiled sheepishly at her, placing the ice on the sink. She hummed to his response.

“Well, don’t be so reckless, Jaybird. I need you alive.” She said so calmly while carefully bandaging the last wound. Jason snorted. He let out a little noise that sounds like he was holding his laughter. “What? Why are you laughing?”

“I’m sorry, it’s just- When you said ‘I need you alive’, you sounded as if you’re going to kidnap me and take me to meet some kind of mob boss or something.” He confessed, chuckling. Y/N laughed along, hearing his confession.

“Maybe I am, for all you know.” She mumbled, smirking.

“Wait, you are?” Y/N just shrugged.

“I’m not going to kidnap you. You’re too heavy.” She noted, exaggeratingly said the ‘you’re too heavy’ part. Though, it is true. It’s even hard for her to roll him to his stomach when she’s waking him. She’s that small compared to Jason. Or maybe she just doesn’t have the strength to push him. Or she’s just lazy to put strength to move him. Possibly both.

“But I do want to take you to meet someone. Eye to eye.”

“Really? Who?” Jason asked, still have the smile on his face.

“Oh just a couple of people who, for my whole life, I’ve learned to call ‘mum’ and ‘dad’.” She stated, smiling as she finished with the bandage.

Jason’s face fell. Not in a bad way, per se. He’s excited to finally meet her parents, that’s for sure. However, he’s also nervous. Worried. Even though he had already talked to them once over the phone, he had never talk to them, eye to eye. In person. Face to face. What if they don’t like me when they see me?

“Jason, are you okay? What’s wrong?” She worriedly asked when she saw his face fell.

He snapped out of his thoughts as he stuttered. “N- Nothing. I’m- just worried. What if they don’t like me when they see me? Wh- what if they think I’m actually not worth it for you?”

“Hey, hey, calm down. They liked you just fine, they already told me after you went on a patrol tonight. In fact, they’re the ones that wants to see you!” She told Jason, excitedly.

“I- really?” He asked, not believing her.

“Yes! That’s actually why I decided to wait for you tonight. I just can’t wait to tell you and ask you if you want to go with me to visit Y/H/T in a couple of weeks. Only for 2 to 3 days? Please?” Y/N begged him.

Her parents liked me? Her parents liked me!

“Sure! I’ll make sure I can go with you. Don’t want to disappoint.” Jason said, grinning widely. Y/N fist bumped the air enthusiastically, exclaiming a loud ‘YES!’ before tackling him with hugs and kisses.

“Thank you! Thank you, Jason, I love you so much!” She exclaimed loudly. Jason winced a little bit as Y/N touched one of his injuries.

“Hands off of my cuts, doll.”

“Oh sorry.” She sheepishly said, quickly getting off of him. “I’m just excited.”

“That’s not obvious.” Jason sarcastically said.

Y/N huffed as she impishly hit his uninjured shoulder and walked out of the bathroom. “Change your clothes and come to bed, Todd.”

“Be right there in a minute, Y/L/N.” Jason said. He smiled at his girlfriend. Jason still have that nervous feeling on him. Y/N did told him that her parents liked him, but what if they changed their minds?

“Don’t worry, Jaybird. As long as you don’t hurt me, they’ll like you. Now come here, you’re taking too long!”

A/N: I’m very sorry I didn’t put the part where they meet her parents. Part 2 on da way!

#jason todd #jason todd x reader #jason todd imagine #jason todd x you #red hood x reader #red hood imagine #red hood #red hood x y/n #i really want to be y/n

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anika-ann · 4 years

Text

Errare Humanum Est - Pt.11

Persona

Type: series, soulmate AU series (part 1, part 2) x Supernatural

Pairing: Steve Rogers x reader (past?) Word count: 3400

Summary: Arrival to NYC is not what neither the Winchesters nor you expected. Like… not even in your wildest dreams.

Warnings: mentions of violence, blood and death, amnesia, swearing... that’s enough, I think, oh and confused Moose and Squirell (it’s a... reference)

Story masterlist

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Natasha slept like a baby – or like a dead. Sam didn’t find either of those options comforting. He couldn’t say he wasn’t glad Rowena had assisted them – but he would also be lying if he claimed to be happy about their particular ‘ally’ on this case.

While Dean’s eyes were glued to the road, Sam’s kept flickering between Natasha’s torso, always making sure she was still breathing, and his tablet, where he had started a search. Manhattan was surely a smaller place than the whole world, but it still had over million and half residents and finding Natasha’s soulmate wouldn’t be easy in the slightest.

He was still searching police databases for missing person cases and for house fires and gas explosions. The only problem was, he had no time frame to search – with Dean, it took three months for him to be resurrected and while his particular case had rather different circumstances (with angels having to fight their way through literal Hell and the whole Righteous Man versus apocalypse thing), Sam had no clue when exactly Natasha died.

It could have been the same day Castiel had brought her to them as well as months ago, years even. It wasn’t helping they still didn’t have her name and didn’t know the circumstances.

In other words, they didn’t have jack squat. Then again, Natasha believed her soulmate was a man, probably around her age – that would narrow down the search then. If they failed, they could always try to create her a tinder account and see who would super-like her.

Sam huffed in irritation and amusement, happy that Dean was pulling over. His legs might have been dying for the past few minutes.

“Where are we?” he hummed, cracking his neck.

Dean tuned down the volume before answering – and really, if the loud music hadn’t woken up Natasha, something must have been seriously wrong, Rowena’s magic messing her up on a level eleven on a ten points scale.

“Harrison, New Jersey. About an hour drive to Manhattan. Figured we would be no good in the overpriced hotels in the city, especially with her like this. Plus, I’m hungry,” Dean replied honestly and Sam raised one corner of his lips in a half-grin.

“Fair enough.” Dean opened the door, climbing up. Sam looked around, confused, not seeing any hotel, only a diner, and it got him get out of the car with an exasperated whisper-yell. “Where do you think you’re going? We can’t just leave her here!”

“Oh, we don’t. You’re staying, I’m getting food,” Dean grinned at him cockily, earning Sam’s famous ‘I’m-so-done-with-you-jerk’ face. “I might get you something too, Sammy.”

“Get something to Natasha too, in case she wakes up any time soon,” Sam growled, but obediently folded his long legs back to the car, casting a glance over his shoulder at their last passenger. “Jerk, isn’t he?”

Naturally, Natasha didn’t even stir, let alone reply.

༻༺༻༺༻ღ༺༻༺༻༺

She didn’t regain consciousness until late night. When she did, she seemed to be convinced this was what hangover felt like – neither of the brothers opposed her. She ate two good portions of dinner, drank a litre of water and passed out again, absolutely exhausted.

“I don’t even wanna know what she would have looked like if Rowena drained her as much as she wanted to,” Dean noted darkly and Sam silently agreed, ready to hit the hay too.

“You think she’s safe to be left on her own?”

“You mean if she dies in her sleep? I wouldn’t worry about that now,” Dean shrugged light-heartedly, patting her calf that slipped out from between the covers. She didn’t seem to mind – or notice for that matter. “We might leave the bathroom light on so she wouldn’t crash into something when waking up groggy like before, but I think she’s good now. Get some sleep.”

Sam casted a glance at Natasha’s peaceful face, watching her form moving ever so slightly as her chest was rising and falling regularly. He sighed and made his way to the bathroom, humming in vague agreement. He was still going to set an alarm for every two hours to check up on her.

Funnily enough, Dean’s phone woke him up sooner as they had got the same idea. Sam snorted in amusement as Dean seemed ashamed for being caught caring for their protégé.

The next time Sam woke up, it was only due to his alarm at four a.m. About an hour later, he was snapped from his dreams by Natasha’s loud cursing as her shin met the nightstand; they had forgotten to leave the light in the bathroom on.

Well. At least she was alive and clearly alright enough to walk and talk.

༻༺༻༺༻ღ༺༻༺༻༺

“So… what happens now?” Natasha asked the burning question as she finished her croissant and fruit.

Sam had been the one to go grocery shopping this time, adding apples to the cart. Dean had been mockingly disgusted, but Natasha seemed ecstatic, discovering she liked red apples better then green ones. It was adorable and Sam felt an uncomfortable pang near his heart when he realized what a little thing like this meant to her, an amnesiac.

He truly wished he had better news for her in a form of some masterplan. The true was they weren’t sure about their next step.

“Now we go to explore the island of Manhattan,” Dean shrugged, causing Natasha to tilt her head and squint.

“Okay…? How is that going to help?”

Dean made a face. “You women are so hard to please sometimes…”

Sam snorted, but quickly fixed his expression when Natasha’s eyes fell on him. He smiled at her tightly with a bit of guilt.

“We’re not sure how to proceed to be honest. Police station is an option, but I searched their databases – they probably won’t have any more luck than I did.”

“Oh,” she said only, her voice sad, her hopeful expression falling. “Can’t you like… eh, post my face on the internet or something? Could that help?”

Sam bit the inside of his cheek, the one ridiculous idea popping up in his head again. He glanced at the woman, her eyes full of steadfast trust in them.

Sam cleared his throat, uneasy sensation in his stomach.

“Well… I actually thought of creating you a Tinder account-“

“Dude!” Dean cried out, exasperated. “You don’t mean that!”

“I’m sorry, you have a better idea?” Sam demanded, irritated as he spun on his chair to face his brother.

Sam was aware it was a lame-ass plan, but there were kind of out of options.

“…what’s a Tinder?” Natasha asked cautiously and Dean answered her swiftly with the ominous words.

“It’s a fuck-app.”

“I’m sorry?”

Sam beat his brother to speaking this time. “It’s a form of a dating site – or better, a dating app for your phone. You create a profile and-“

“So it’s a dating side. Basically. What’s wrong with that?”

“It’s known for finding a quick lay,” Sam explained bluntly, making her eyes widen, blood rushing into her cheeks.

“Oh.”

Dean gestured towards her wildly as if wanting to scream ‘see?!’ when a mixture of emotions played on her face. Sam rolled his eyes and huffed.

Natasha, seeing their exchange, worried her teeth over her lower lip.

“Well… how about we have a trip to the city and if we don’t come up with anything better, we give this a go?” she offered, causing both brothers to look at her as if she had grown a second head. Frankly, Sam was pleased too, though.

“Seriously?” Dean questioned in disbelief.

“We don’t have a better plan, do we? Desperate times. Besides… I have two bodyguards if someone lures me out under false pretences, don’t I?” she asked innocently, an honest smile lighting up her face, her unshakable trust in them showing again.

It made Sam’s stomach flip and his heart melt like hot butter. His lips spread in a smile as well unwittingly and he exchanged a look with Dean, who shrugged.

“You got balls. Let’s go then.”

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It took them an hour to get to the city and find a spot and neither of them had a better plan. Which meant they wandered the streets – earning strange looks for some reason –, postponing the inevitable until they found a small homey café.

Sam gulped. “Well, looks like this is it. We’re gonna dive into the Tinder jungle…”

Dean scoffed as he entered the café, looking around for a free table in the friendly space. It was clear that this wasn’t a franchise type of thing and Sam couldn’t tell he minded.

What he did mind were several pairs of eyes falling on them – and few of them growing wide, having their owners nudge their mates and whisper.

The taller hunter glanced at his companions who seemed equally uncomfortable under the glares. Good, Sam wasn’t getting paranoid then.

The moment only lasted few second though, then an orange-haired barista making rounds approached them with a smile, pointing them towards the counter, breaking the spell.

“Welcome to MDDC. Order at the counter, please. Oh and I recommend our caramel latté. It’s known to be magical,” she winked at them and Sam winced, mentally pleading for no more magic.

Squinting at her nametag, he thanked her for the recommendation anyway.

“Thank you… Terri.”

She threw another wink over her shoulder as she spun on her heels and headed the same direction. Unlike some of the patrons she seemed unfazed by their presence as she should. Yet, Sam still caught some people watching them with interest and shuffled, uncomfortable in his own skin.

“Am I like… famous? Or are they staring at you?” Natasha whispered, cautiously walking to the line of customers.

“They are staring, aren’t they?” Sam agreed, his mind racing. Was it a good thing? What did it mean? Could Natasha be famous?

“Maybe they think we’re all in poly.”

“Dean,” Sam snapped instantly, not amused as much as his brother clearly was, judging by his smirk.

“What? They could,” Dean offered innocently, earning a curious glance from Natasha, followed by a shake of her head.

“I’m not even gonna ask.” Good choice. “Grab me the caramel latté, please? Maybe it won’t taste like coffee too much. I’m… ugh, I’m gonna…” she pointed towards the ladies room and Sam just nodded.

A quick scan of the room confirmed his suspicion – there were eyes following her. Whatever this was, it was about her, not them.

Good news: no one was about to call the police, recognizing them as criminals. Good news no.2: finding information about Natasha might not be as hard as they had thought. Might.

“So, what are we thinking?”

Dean joined him in the line, losing his carefree attitude. “I think it’s worth asking. This ain’t coincidence. I just don’t get it – if she is famous, how did you not find a match?”

Sam grimaced, wondering about the same thing.

“Maybe it’s her family – or her soulmate. They could be annoyed with people, wanting to have their peace. How much it can cost to have someone cover the digital trail? Or maybe they sued someone and it resulted in that.”

“Or we could be wrong and they’re just looking at her ‘cause she an eye-candy,” Dean hummed, sounding perfectly serious. Sam hoped that the look he sent him spoke volumes. “What? She’s cute, we’re both thinking it.”

Sam rolled his eyes , but didn’t protest. “Let’s hope that it’s not the case, otherwise we’re about to sign her up for a ‘fuck-app’.”

This time it was Dean who glared mocked murder. Sam grinned.

“So, guys, what can I get you?” Terri asked them cheerily, genuine smile on her face. It somehow made Sam smile back automatically.

“Flat white, medium for me. Americano, no sugar for him. Tall? Yeah. And one of those caramel lattés,” Sam ordered.

“Here or to go?”

“Here. Add one of those… cheesecakes or whatever it’s called,” Dean requested. Before Sam could ask, he explained. “She liked trying new stuff. And Rowena said she should eat a lot.”

“That’s surprisingly thoughtful of you,” Sam blurted out, not watching his mouth. It earned them a giggle from their barista.

“Shut up, Samantha. You’re paying.”

Sam snorted as his brother aimed for a free table in the back and he pulled out the cash.

“He looks like a piece of work,” Terri commented lightly. Sam silently agreed. “I’ll bring your order to the table, okay?”

“Thanks.”

The boot in a quiet corner was a good choice, though Sam felt a little sorry for Natasha, who would have to walk through the whole café and face the strangely curious eyes.

“Here we go. Enjoy,” the barista landed their coffees and dessert.

“Thank you. Uhm… Terri? Can I ask you something?” Sam asked and straightened in his seat, which earned him a suspicious look from the woman.

“I have a boyfriend.”

“What a shame for the rest of us…” Dean sighed, shooting Sam an amused look when he noticed how flustered he grew.

“Huh? No, that wasn’t what I was-! I mean, not that you weren’t- uh, I mean-“ Sam stuttered, horrified she came to such conclusion.

It was when she giggled, her eyes sparkling. “I’m messing with you. What is it?”

Sam huffed, but couldn’t help but sigh in relief. He even charmed a little smile, trying not to look too self-important and showing he was okay with her teasing him.

“This might sound strange but… I think… people are kinda staring? At our friend? Do you have any idea why?”

“Well… if I could take a guess… it’s… it’s just that she looks so much like her,” she said slowly, glancing around. No one paid them any mind as they lowered their voices.

Jackpot. Sam’s eyebrows jumped and he leaned in, intrigued. With the corner of his eye, he registered Dean doing the same.

“Like who?”

“Cap’s girl,” Terri said simply, her expression darkening and softening at the same time. “God give him strength and let her rest in peace.”

Millions of questions popped up in Sam’s head, mostly whirling about what, who, why, when. A tragedy had struck, that was nothing new, they expected as much, but not an event of public manner.

“Cap?” Sam questioned, confused. What kind of a nickname-

“Do you live under a rock?” Terri asked with a strange expression on her face. She seemed… surprised and weirded out, honestly. Sam couldn’t help but be offended at such blunt and mean question. “Sorry. Not much of a patriot then? Not from around here?”

“Wait, you mean Cap as… Captain America?” Dean whispered, sounding excited and Sam felt his heart skip a beat.

No way. Sam wasn’t very patriotic, never felt it, but even he knew who Captain America was and what role he had played in history – and present. But… she had to be shitting them, right?

“Well… yeah.”

Apparently not.

“Captain America? The Avenger?” Sam checked, making sure there was no confusion between them.

“Sure thing.” Terri shrugged, a small smile tugging at her lips.

“And she looks like his-…?“ Sam hinted her, trying to mask his impatience and excitement, probably failing epically.

“Soulmate, yeah.”

“That’s…” The younger hunter jerked his head, exchanging a meaningful look with Dean. “…interesting. Can we find her picture online? What’s her name? You know… celebrity look alike game and all that…? They do say my brother here looks like Bradley James.”

Oh yeah, Sam was totally making this up as he went. Dean was going to murder him for that comparison, but sacrifices needed to be made in the name of their rescue case. Terri tilted her head to side, examining Dean’s face, her smile growing wider.

“Huh. You kinda do,” she concluded and smirked. “I always was a sucker for Arthur and Merlin bromance.”

Sam snorted. They had watched an episode of Merlin. Dean had been horrified.

“I hate you. But yeah, do tell us.”

“Sure. But you can just check out the church on West 59th Street,” their barista confided them in – except neither of the brother understand what it meant. Dean was the one to ask.

“Why?”

“It’s the closest church to the Tower,” Terri announced, seemingly bewildered as she looked between the two of them. “How did you miss all this? It was all over the news.”

“We’ve been… travelling a lot.”

“Oh. Okay. You can just check it out. Light a candle for her. She died so a lot of others could live,” Terri explained them softly, clearly about to make her leave.

Sam had one last question though – well, among like million others.

Light a candle for her? What the hell?

“Thanks. Just… how long has it been?”

“Not too long. Few weeks.”

The moment their barista was out of hearing rage, Sam turned to Dean, whose shocked expression matched his own, and started whispering hastily.

“What the hell?!”

“Yeah, I’m right there with you. But it sounds legit. You check it out?“

Sam glanced around before pulling out his tablet. He liked this option better than the Tinder one, but an anxious knot was tying up his stomach as Natasha still didn’t find them at their table. She sure was taking her time. Sam hoped she was okay and wasn’t having a panic attack or something. And that there were no windows she could climb through – because if she was Captain freaking America’s soulmate, she might as well be a superhero just like him.

Seriously – what the hell.

The amount of results for ‘Captain America soulmate’ search was ridiculous, climbing to astronomic numbers. Links to articles, pictures, videos… and lots of the links had only the headline and nothing more to it – they had been deleted.

Sam wasn’t surprised anymore. Once again, if Natasha – which wasn’t her name at all, of course, as he found out – was the one for the supersoldier, there was no wonder someone would want to protect her privacy.

Sam roamed through the links, finally finding a photo – a photo of an altar, a picture of what clearly was a woman of Natasha’s hair colour, though blurred via filter, surrounded by teddy bears, flowers and candles.

The younger hunter gulped, satisfaction at possibly solving the mystery mixing with nervousness and compassion.

“Got something,” he hummed, passing the device to Dean.

“Well, that’s not creepy at all. Found any picture of her that actually shows her?”

Sam glared at his brother. “I’m trying,” he hissed, returning to his search.

He clicked on several videos – it was no surprise they had all been removed. He grunted in frustration, trying out what could be twentieth link, some no-name person Tumblr blog who had reposted it about three minutes ago.

Bingo!

The blurry picture moved a little, showing a blond man standing up from a bed in a plain room, crackling sound in the background. Sam froze the frame, attaching headphones and pressed play again.

The camera finally cleared and… the frame split in two. In the other frame, a woman strapped to a chair appeared, causing Sam’s heart stop along with his breathing.

Holy shit.

Holy.

Shit.

“Dean, you have to see this,” Sam choked out, a lump growing in his throat as he pushed the tablet to sit at the table between them and passed one headphone to his brother. Dean’s eyes went wide upon seeing the people in the video.

“Life is full of hard choices, isn’t it, Captain?” a scratchy male voice mocked the desperate man in the picture and Sam’s shoulders tensed when he realized just how hard choice the soldier was given; two bombs showed in the frame.

Well, shit.

“Steve?” Oh yeah. This was definitely Natasha’s voice. This was hundred percent Natasha. Who wasn’t Natasha, but whatever. “It’s… it’s okay. Go. Go save lives. I… I knew I’d have to share you with the world. Frankly, I didn’t imagine it would be like this, but— you go and be hero. My life is nothing compared to thousands and we both know that.”

“Is that really-“ Dean questioned incredulously, eyes glued to the screen.

“Yeah. I… I think it is.”

They spoke no more, watching the video as if it was the most suspenseful thriller they had even seen. Which it was, because the plot was very much real and they had the main character in the near bathroom. Risen from death.

Someone should probably check up on her, but Sam couldn’t tear his gaze away. It was like watching a train wreck to happen; they knew how it must have ended. Thousands of people Nat in the video had mentioned got to live; because Captain’s soulmate was about to blow up.

Both brothers still winced when the explosion did end the video.

Christ.

Dean slowly pulled out the earplug and gulped, glancing at Sam.

“Well… son of a bitch.”

༻༺༻༺༻ღ༺༻༺༻༺

Part 12

༻༺༻༺༻ღ༺༻༺༻༺

Thank you for reading!

(I’m sorry for that GIF use, I had to)

I hope it’s clear enough now that there’s a slight time shift between reader chapters and Steve/Nat/Sam/Bucky chapters (theirs are earlier, while reader had been resurrected a few weeks after her death, about after Steve’s drinking night.)

P.S. – I couldn’t resist that little cameo :D If you know who I mean the better, if not, don’t worry about it, Terri is one of my OFCs ;)

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theravenclawmonster · 4 years

Text

I thought getting diagnosed would be able to get me help...(post 2 of dunno how many)

The previous post of this series of posts can be found in this link post 1

Trigger warning: This post (and the later continuation posts after it titled the same) may contain mentions of abuse, mental illness, suicidal thoughts and many more things which i will try to edit in it after writing the post(s) (hopefully i’ll remember to) [yes, this is the same in all posts in series]

Disclaimer: this is just a written account of events that happened in my life in the past few weeks and my emotional/ physical response to those events. I am writing this here so that it stays here as help for people to read and maybe see what certain things feel like, and as proof or diary for when i forget what really happened and start to believe her words. Also, this is going to be a long post... a very long post.

Okay, where was i? The first visit to the doctor. I had my tests done and bought the acidity medicine and the vitamins he suggested (i had already started to take vitamins again since a couple of weeks before, he just added folic acid to that. I also have a bit of an issue with vitamins and people telling me to eat them indicating that all will be well after that; but more about that later). in the pharmacy, my mother was pretty upset with me cuz i kicked her out of the room and told me some stuff i don’t want to remember right now. ummm... basically she said “ why did you ask me to leave, what secret were you going to tell the doctor? what did you tell him we did to you? i know what you think about me. you could have just said it all in front of me. what was with all the secrecy” [funnily enough, although i did ask her to leave, my reason was cuz i can’t really speak in front of her (she interrupts a lot too) and i was worried that i’d cry and didn’t want to hear about it for another 6 months. there was no secret or i didn’t even think about mentioning the abuse, cuz how do you just go to a stranger and say “ hi i am in pain and my parents abuse me”. even asking for help for my pain was demanding enough for me.] . she also “informed” me very angrily that the it wasn’t allowed for a woman to be alone with a male doc, a nurse must be present (which was not present) and that is probably why doc didn’t do the proper physical checkup. Well! he should have (if he thought an extensive one was necessary; he did check my breathing and stomach softness), called a nurse in or my mother in. i didn’t have any issues with him doing my physical checkup alone too. and he didn’t mention anything about that to me at all.

Anyway, I went back thinking God knows how long was this process was going to take and if i had the energy to fight for myself and make people believe that i was actually in a lot of pain. the reports came back fine (the expensive test one too, to much displeasure of my father “but this came back fine, so expensive for no use. why did he even write that test?” as if it would have been somehow better to get a positive test back for a disease?! I really don’t know how his mind works. By the time all reports were in, it was time for my appointment at the psychiatrist and it was decided to go to her first, then on our way back show the reports to our primary doc. that way we could also talk to him about what she said.

Oh wait, i forgot to mention in my last post. the doctor only suggested the psychiatrist and later sent me her number saying that i have told her about you please take an appointment. i had to call her and i asked about her fees which she very nicely said would be discounted and that helping me and understanding what was stressing me was more important. I felt so weird then, i don’t really hear these type of things very often.... or almost ever.

going to the clinic was easy enough, of course my mother and father accompanied me. and my mother did follow in. [let me just add that i only remember about half of what happened so...] the doctor ( hereby referred to as Psy lady) asked me “so, how are you?” and i said “ i’m good *smiled awkwardly as she realised that was not what she meant to ask*. she was like okay, how do you feel and what do you want to discuss me with. so i just sat there like a dumbass. then i asked her how much the other doc told her about me. she said it was just that you are his patient and needs psychiatric help in his opinion.

I am just going to make a dialogue format written account for that and the next doctor’s visit as this seems way too confusing.

At that time (not sure) my mother interrupted;

Mother: *turned to me* “if you don’t mind may i tell her the history etc” *in pointed politeness*

Me: “ok.”

Mother: *launched from how i was such a brilliant smiling child and wanted to take this scholarship abroad but she said no* *went off a long tangent about how she was just being a nice worried parent in controlling my life and now feels guilty cuz i can’t let it go* *finished by saying* “Dr., she just can’t forget that, she is stressed no job plus the lock down etc you know how it is. then she found out she has scoliosis in january and i think she has taken it to heart, like really it is completely asymptomatic and i have asked the doc she won’t have any problems cuz of it in the future” (i am guessing she meant having babies but really who knows) “she has just taken stress over that”.

Psy lady : *scribbled something on her paper* “My i have some time alone with her?”

Mother: “yes yes sure” *left*

Psy lady : “so tell me a bit about yourself.”

Me: *was still fuming and recoiling and shaking in my seat cuz i just don’t understand until how long is my mother going to throw that in my face. it has been years and i wasn’t even that upset about it (at least i just quietly internalized it) but she refused, controlled my life (since birth btw and still does now) and not even let me do anything else i want to do, nor find a job, then proceeded to throw her ‘oh i feel so guilty, i am such a good parent. i have commited a crime by being caring and now i must be punished oh!’ at me. Like where am i in all that? you say no, you control, your guilt, your love, your care, your image as a parent that must never be broken. where am i in all that? ALSO you never listen to my complains about pain so shut up*

Psy lady: ...

Me: “umm... hi... i umm never had a dream, but then i found this thing in my mid-twenties and i loved it, but they didn’t let me pursue it, then didn’t let me do anything. and now they act like i am a burden on them. now i have nothing to do or like, and i can’t even find a job or have anywhere to go. i don’t even really wanna die, i am just tired” *burst into tears yet again as i realized i had no idea why i was telling her all that and it felt so fake and story like at the same time* “... i can’t even breathe and i am in so much pain all the time that i feel like detached from my body cuz every time i try to be in it it fucking hurts.”

Psy lady: “are your parents always this much controlling” *pointed to the door indicating my mother*

Me: “they are emotionally abusive”

Psy lady: *had been looking into my eyes but looked away at the word abusive and didn’t say anything*

Me: *continued after a little shock that i actually said it out loud* “I can’t walk, my knees hurt” *tried to repeat almost all that was possible from the previous doc* *also told her about feeling dissociative and explained a bit how that feels for me* * told her all about how i was fine in dragging me through life but now that my body has suddenly collapsed (where as before it was just emotional pain and numbness and occasional body pains in back and stuff nothing too overwhelming or maybe i was mentally strong to ignore it) i feel very scared and lost. I was dealing with everything fine on my own even when i felt like dying but now i cant handle anything, i can’t even act in front of others; something i am exceptionally good at* *talked about lowered brain function, slowness, low blood pressure, no energy suddenly, not being able to retain information or remember anything, not having a concept of time and memory*

Psy lady: *explained about DPDR disorder and asked me about sleep eating etc.*

Me: *repeated the same: loved sleep can’t now, loved eating can’t now*

After some time of explaining asking and answering, she said that i have depression and what happens is that our brain stops making certain chemicals and to get it to make them again we have 2 options. one is medicine; the other is motivation and exercises. it seems like the latter would be hard for me (and i confirmed that i infact cannot walk or do almost anything and exercise is too painful cuz pain everywhere) she said that the best route in my situation is to start the medicine for some weeks (she said she’d not give them for more than 4 months; whole course including tapering them out) and explained that the medicines were very safe and answered all my queries about dependency on them or side effects etc. I said if that is what she thinks would be best and if taking them means i could feel alive again and my brain function would return to normal.

she then asked me to bring my mother back in. she explained the medicines to her and said i have diagnosed her with MDD. My mother asked what is that. She said Moderate Depressive disorder. my mother asked if the medicine was necessary. she said yes, and to not worry as these were safe and she’s only giving to get me started and pull me out of this extreme state, only for a short time. she also said that come back after 10 days of eating these, so we can see the effect and the side effects if any, and that day she’d also get me an appointment for a psychologist who worked in the same clinic as she thinks it would help me immensely. we agreed. took the medicine and left for the doc no. 1′s clinic. My mother didn’t say anything.

we reached his office and throughout the short car ride and while sitting there waiting for my turn, i was feeling very... accomplished? enthusiastic? Dunno... I was just trying not to cry cuz i finally had it written on paper, i was finally diagnosed, i had finally gotten help. yes, it was only a start and i don’t know much about how doctors work diagnosis and how much more can be added in future visits but it was a start. i finally did something to actually help me.

Finally, our turn came. we showed him the reports and told him what she said and prescribed. My mother asked him if the meds were necessary.

doc: “yeah they really believe in starting meds right away.”

mother: “I don’t want her to take them, it’s like giving up. she can use her will power and get better right?” [she also added something very weird like ‘these stamps (mental disorders diagnosed on paper) are not good for a woman’ or something along this line]

Doc: “yes she can. i too would suggest she do that.”

Mother: *went off on a long tangent about how when she was my age she had depression after having my older sister. but she will-powered through it and didn’t take the meds etc*

doc: “yes i agree, but it really depends on her is she willing to do it” *in a tone that suggested that i should say yes immediately and will-power though life*

Me: * realizing no one is listening to me* “doctor, can you please talk with the Psy lady and ask her if they are necessary in her opinion cuz i have no will left to power though with.”

Doc: “okay.” *called her and talked right then* * told her that he thinks it would be better to willpower through it?

Mother: “well she can will-power through right?”

Doc: “well the Psy lady said that she has been powering through with her will power for years; she has none left anymore. so she thinks that meds are the best option and besides” *looked at the prescription again* “these meds are not addictive and very safe.”

Mother: * insisted on no meds for 15 more minutes and had a long discussion with doc about praying, watching motivational speakers and what not*

doc: *joined in enthusiastically*

Me: *stared into the distance and stops listening with my wobbly neck and painful back*

Doc: “well she is not even listening. can you do it? exercise?”

me: “no it hurts, as i have explained before, not like the yayy muscle cramping up cuz i worked out way and i will love exercise in 2 weeks time way. No! the tendons hurt the bones hurt the joints hurt extremely painfully and it increases with time, even after 2-3 weeks it doesn’t get better.”

Doc: “okay, how about friends? social life? what do you do at home etc”

Me: “my friends are not here, i never made new ones. no social life. even when i was going to class before the lock down, it was from home to uni, uni to home. had no friends there. and i did walked in uni for about half an hour or even more but it hurt in the beginning, i thought okay, cramps (although my knees and heels were very painful too) but it almost felt like it got better (the cramps part) but then it got way worse and after a month i couldn’t walk for more than 10 minutes at a very slow painful speed.”

Doc: *asked about pets, anything that would suggest i was a living being with a life*

Me: “pets are not allowed and so is leaving the house by myself.”

Mother: *interjected* “we have never restricted her for anything.”

By this time, i had frankly given up and i don’t remember what happened next or where the conversation went. just remember something along the lines of “ for these 10-15 days before the next Psy lady appointment, let her do whatever she likes to, don’t ask her don’t control her. let her start up her social life again. she needs to be around friends and the things she can enjoy” something like this. to which my mother said very confidently “sure whatever she wants to do”

then, we left his office and in the car she told me to “not eat the meds as we have ‘now discussed it with your doctor”

this is getting way longer. i think i’d make one more post about it, or maybe one more after that for bits that i forgot. this post seems so badly written upon second inspection. this is not even the 40% of what happened but i don’t remember what happened exactly, or even the timeline.

The third and hopefully last post of this series can be found here post 3

#emotional abuse #abuse #actually abused #abusive parents #depression #MDD #chronic pain #tired of life #dpdr disorder #dissociation #scoliosis #migraine

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hispeculiartreasure · 5 years

Text

All We’ve Got is Time - Chapter Thirteen | B.B.

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Female Reader

AU: If They’d Survived/Post-War/Window Washer!Bucky Barnes

Rating: Teen

Word count: 3,540

Chapter 13/24

Warnings: Language

AN: Spanning the time of Bucky’s entire on-site training, this chapter is pretty different from anything I’ve ever done before. I have a sneaking suspicion y’all are really going to enjoy it. Lemme hear your thoughts when you’re done!

Chapter Twelve

‘All We’ve Got is Time’ Masterlist

July 7, 1946

Dear Bucky,

I can already imagine the panic on your face when I hand this to you at the train station this afternoon. I hope you take my assurance that it isn’t a Dear John letter seriously. I just wanted to give you something to read on your long trip to Pennsylvania. A 10 hour train ride to Pittsburgh and then a 2 hour bus ride to New Castle, I think you told me? I know you packed some textbooks but one can only do so much studying in a 12 hour window - you’ll go crazy. And I’d really appreciate it if you returned semi-sane. But I also wanted to circumvent any uncontrollable emotions I may have during a goodbye, no matter how temporary it may be. In short, you’re very welcome.

I know you’re a big brave combat veteran but I also know this training is a big deal for you. It’s all new material, a new place, new people. A lot of change in a really small amount of time. No matter how much you insist that you’re fine, I’ll still commend you for facing this challenge head on. And I’ll be in your corner as long as you’ll let me. Hopefully you’ll be so busy that you forget about any discomfort you may have.

I have to admit, I’m a bit jealous of you. You know how tough work has been the last week. With Anderson piling more tasks on me while he’s been mysteriously out of the office and Flannery being even more strict on how the office is run after the Fourth of July debacle, my job has been exhausting. What I’d give to leave it behind for a while, to learn useful, practical skills. Alas, it wasn’t meant to be - well, I guess I already had my turn, huh? I’m hoping you’ll let me live vicariously through you over the next month. Write to let me know all about what you’re learning and how you’re feeling about it, if you want to. Who knows, you may be able to teach me a thing or two when you get back. But not more than two. That’d be far-fetched. Don’t forget, I did teach you everything you know.

See you in 34 days. That’s doable, right? What am I supposed to do with myself with all this free time? You’ve put quite the cramp in my social life, apparently. I’ll have to see what kind of trouble I can get in without you.

Hope to hear from you soon.

Be good,

Your Girl

July 8, 1946

Sixth Floor,

Gotta admit, you shoving a piece of paper into my hands as you pushed me onto the train did take me by surprise. After the split second of panic I realized you’d miss me too much if you let me go. But in all seriousness, thank you for writing that letter. Kinda felt like I got to carry a little bit of you with me here. That’s cheesy. Nevermind.

I haven’t written a letter since I was discharged from the army, so I apologize if I’m a little rusty. It’ll be especially strange since my CO won’t be reading it or redacting any information. I’ll have to get Becca to show you some of the letters I sent home - most of the time half of what I wrote had been blacked out due to “sensitive information”. Towards the end of the war my letters were short and sweet, just telling everyone I was alive and okay. I don’t get the impression that the teachers here will have much interest in my mail. Time will tell. But I do remember in the beginning that writing down things that had happened to me over there was helpful. Like I could get a tragic event out of my head with just a pen. Writing down helped make sense of it somehow. Hopefully these letters will have the same effect.

While I technically wrote this on the train, by the time I get this to a post office I’ll have made it to New Castle safely. When I was young we never traveled very far out of the city, so ironically the most “country” I’ve seen was in Europe and it was nowhere near as pleasant as here. Places that have had the ever-loving shit bombed out of them can hardly be called pleasant. Maybe getting out of the city will be good for my head. Like you said, being able to get away from the usual responsibilities to focus only on this training will be a nice break, I think. And a vacation from washing windows. I’m gonna get spoiled.

You called me on my bluff and I like to think I’m an honest man. To be real honest with you. . . I’m nervous. Part of me wonders if I even have what it takes to finish out this training. But I’ll take your word for it. If you think I can do it, you can’t be completely wrong, can you? And don’t worry, the problem won’t be ‘how long will Bucky keep me in his corner’ but closer to ‘will Bucky ever let me OUT of his corner?’. The answer will probably be no. To be determined.

Don’t be afraid to share about your days, too. Maybe it’ll make me a little less homesick, if I get to that point. And I know your days will be infinitely harder without me there by your side. Whatever will you do? I really wish you could be here, though.

33 days better pass quickly, for your sake and for mine.

Yours,

Bucky

July 12, 1946

Dearest Bucky,

If you can’t actually address a letter with my real name instead of using “Sixth Floor” I’m going to find an embarrassing nickname for you so the postal worker snickers when they hand letters over to you, see how you like it.

It’s been a fairly innocuous week. A quiet one, that’s for sure. Just been trying to keep my head down and avoid Anderson as much as I can. Suzy has dragged me out for dinner and drinks a few times to keep me busy. She says hi, by the way. And she demanded I tell you that if you don’t come back soon, I’m going to drive her crazy with my “mopey-ness”. Also, you owe her a drink for cheering me up while you’re gone - she’ll collect when you return. The other girls are doing great; Alice got married and is moving upstate with her husband, so we’ve got a new girl taking her place. She seems sweet, but extremely shy and quiet. Hopefully she warms up to us soon.

Funnily enough, it’s my turn to write a letter on a train. Earlier this week Mom called and complained about not seeing me often enough since I moved into the city, so I’m on my way to Tarrytown. I hadn’t realized I’ve stayed in town every single weekend since we’d gone steady. Guess I’ve had a good reason to keep my plans open, huh?

Mom also fished around for when I’d come back next even though I haven’t even arrived yet. In her round-about-way, she hinted that she wants me home for Halloween. I can’t blame her, I’ve never not been home for the festivities. I was going to buy my ticket in advance and began to wonder if I should buy two. One for me, one for you? I mean, if you would like to visit Tarrytown with me the weekend before Halloween? The 31st is a Thursday, which puts a damper on things, but it’ll still be a blast. Mom mentioned wanting to meet this “mysterious new friend” that’s kept me in New York so often.

Since I had the pleasure of meeting your family, I thought I should return the favor and ask if you’d like to meet my parents? If that’s something you’re not comfortable with, I understand being that it’s way ahead of time and a fairly intimate situation. I’m sorry, I’m not being very eloquent am I? You don’t need to make a decision. Just think about it.

How’s it been? Are you getting along with everyone? Tell me everything!

We’re down to 29 days, but that still feels far too long.

Truly,

My Name is Not Sixth Floor

July 17, 1946

Dear Sassafras,

Buy 2 tickets to Tarrytown. I’m looking forward to spending Halloween with your folks. You’ll have to try a lot harder than that to scare me off.

Have we gone steady? I don’t remember asking you. Did you hypnotize me? Please advise. (Hopefully you can read my teasing tone and not leave me heartbroken as a result of this horrible joke)

Tell Suzy I’ll happily buy her a drink as long as she keeps guys in bars away from you, huh? All is well here. The guys are okay, but they’re not you. No one is you. But chatting passes the time and they’re easy enough to get along with. It’s interesting to see all the different paths that have led us here, all our different motivations. There are people here from all over. I thought I had to travel a long way, but the guy from Maine’s got me beat. His letters take longer to travel too, makes me grateful I get to hear from you fairly often.

I know this doesn’t come as a surprise to you but the training has been tough work. Motor oil is permanently stained into my skin, I’m convinced. But I have to admit that everything you taught me gave me a definite leg-up on most of the other students. I was the only one who could replace a spark plug successfully on the first try. They didn’t believe me when I told them my girl showed me how. Obviously they don’t know my girl.

I was daydreaming the other day about something you whispered to me at Steve’s birthday dinner. It was right after you had finished chatting with Peggy. You kinda tucked yourself into my side when you slid back into the booth, you just grabbed my hand almost wondered out loud, ‘What kind of cake do you like? I wanna know so I make sure you get in on your birthday’. My birthday isn’t even until March, but you were still thinking about me and wanted to have the little bit of info to save for later. The fact that you had ‘for later’ in mind . . . I think about that a lot.

How are we only at 24 days? Seems like time should be passing faster.

Always,

Bucky

July 22, 1946

James Buchanan,

You’re right, that is a terrible joke. Never do that again or you’ll find I’ve died of a heart attack. Ya big tease.

Speaking of Steve, I dropped by y’all’s apartment on my way home from work to return that book I’d borrowed and we ended up talking for a while. It’s funny, I don’t know if I ever voiced this to you, but he is absolutely nothing that I expected him to be. We were so engrossed in talking about art and literature that I ended up staying way longer than planned, making him late for dinner with Peggy. Hopefully she wasn’t too upset about it. He’s so easy to be around, to let my defenses down with him. I’m really really glad you have him in your life, Bucky. He’s solid, he’s kind, he’s loyal. Knowing him by knowing you has been a treat.

Not to be a downer, but things with Anderson seem to be turning worse. I’m getting up my nerve to talk to Flannery about it. He’s been extra grouchy and demanding. Either he’s raging in his office or he disappears for days at a time. I can’t pick up the slack anymore. And the way he’s been eyeing the new girl - did I tell you her name was Marjorie? I can’t remember - makes me anxious. Something just doesn’t feel right. I don’t want to kick up a fuss, but I’m also reaching the end of my rope and want to look out for the other girls.

Anyway, on to happier things. I remember my hands were covered in all kinds of stains for a while after training, too. Have they taught you to weld yet? That was one of my favorite lessons, welding to fix damage or create a new part. Glad to hear you’re working hard and learning a bunch. And I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t a little smug at my having played a small role in your success. I knew you had it in you. Now please don’t prove me wrong out of spite.

You’re such a sweet talker, Barnes, you’re gonna make me shed a tear before this is all over. Of course I think about the ‘for later’s. I like learning the little things about you. Sometimes we get so wrapped up in the big picture stuff, we forget about the small details that are even more a part of making us who we are, ya know?

By the way, I’ll kick your ass in 18 days for addressing your letter to Ms. Sassafras Pants. If you won’t properly address, I won’t properly sign. Do you even remember my real name at this point? I got some input from Steve and he recommended a nickname, but it was too offensive for a postman’s eye to put on the outside of the envelope - contrary to popular belief, I do have a reputation to uphold. I’ll let him write it in the postscript.

Always yours,

Sixth Floor

(I’d rather be Sixth Floor than Sassafras)

P.S. I only told her to call you a dumbass. -SR

July 27, 1946

Sixth Floor,

I hope you appreciate your proper name on the envelope this time. But please let me keep calling you by your nickname inside. Sound like a deal?

Anderson hasn’t made you feel unsafe, has he? Are you okay? Do I need to send Steve over to teach him a lesson? I trust you’re fully capable of looking after yourself, but a visit from Captain America couldn’t hurt, could it? You know he’d be there in a heartbeat if you asked. I hope the conversation with Flannery was helpful. Keep your eyes and ears open, your gut feelings are usually right. Lemme know what I can do, I feel useless sitting all the way in Pennsylvania.

I feel like I’m starting to get overwhelmed by all the information. Training isn’t over for a couple more months, I know that, and having Harvey’s help makes me feel a little better. But some days I wonder if I’m cut out for this. If I’m smart enough for it. Can I even fake it good enough to pass? Sorry for rambling. Just processing, I guess. Don’t know if I could ever say that out loud.

But did you know they’re starting to talk about putting telephones in the radios of cars? Isn’t that crazy? And apparently new models are going to have power-operated windows. Guess the future is coming fast. I’ve also discovered that I hate carburetors with every fiber of my being and they hate me back. The majority of the time it feels good to work with my hands, to keep my brain busy. As an aside, when were you planning on telling me you knew how to weld? Envisioning you handling a welding gun is both adorable and incredibly attractive. Is that too much? Probably. Oh well.

I miss you. 2 weeks left ‘til I’m home. August 10th, please come quick.

Thinking of you,

Dumbass

P.S. Steve - write me letters your damn self if you miss me so much. Dumbass.

August 1, 1946

My dearest Bucky,

I get to see you this month - that feels so good to say! We’ve almost made it! Given the timing of our past letters this is probably my last one before I get to hug you. I miss you so much, but honestly, writing letters has been fun. Our relationship blossomed from only speaking with our hands and mouthing words, and here we are now, only using the written word. We’ve come full circle, huh?

Truly, I don’t think I’m in danger at work. Just extremely irritated and on guard. I don’t feel the need to involve Steve at this point, or Peggy. Let’s be honest, she could take him down in the most satisfactory way that would definitely tarnish the symbol of Captain America. You’re sweet to worry, though. Just keep listening, that’s all I ask right now.

I had dinner with Becca last night. I hope that’s okay, I don’t want to cross any kind of boundary that would make you uncomfortable. We had such a pleasant time, though. I feel like we are both so very similar, having overcome a lot of the same struggles. We bonded over our parents worrying about us ending up as old maids and the trouble they had with us working rather than homemaking. Your mom sent cookies with Becca. To be fully transparent, I definitely ate the entire sack that night. Think Winnifred will teach me her ways? Also, I had no idea how interesting being a telephone operator is - the stories Becca had to tell about the people she interacts with! She’s a saint and hilarious and I adore her. She also had some incredibly interesting stories about you. . . we should discuss how angry Monopoly makes you. . . I’m tempted to play a game with you, Steve, and Peggy - I’m aware that could rocket us into another world war, but it’d be fun to watch, no?

I don’t have the words to describe how proud of you I am. I know it hasn’t been easy, I know change can be hard. I know you have doubts. But you are so close to finishing, to reaching a major milestone in your career. I have full faith in you - you can do this. Me, Harvey, Becca, Steve, and everyone else is rooting for you. And if it doesn’t work out, so what? You tried something, you put in work and effort. Finding something you don’t like is just as helpful as finding something you do. You have other options, you always do. I mean, we know you are an impeccable window washer, so. . . Whichever way you decide to go, I’m with you for the ride.

Only 9 days left. I can’t wait to see you at the train station.

Affectionately yours,

Sixth Floor

August 6, 1946

Darling Sixth Floor,

The more I think about it, the more I realize that being here has been helpful in a lot of ways I didn’t expect. I’ve bounced from being surrounded by family, then an army, the Commandos, and back to family, I haven’t really had space to figure out who I am away from all of that. I’m still working on finding that out, but the breathing room has been. . . enlightening. Is that word too hoity-toity? Probably. Oh well, you can make fun of me for it in a few days. As nice as it’s been to get away from the city, my fingers are itching for New York. Doesn’t hurt that you’re there.

You having dinner with Bec doesn’t bother me a bit. I’m a little worried you’ll like her more than you like me, but I guess we’ll cross that bridge when we get to it. Whatever she told you about Monopoly is a lie - I did not throw anything, she is the agressive board game addict. Unfortunately as per the Howlies, Peggy and Steve are not allowed to play Monopoly together. We tried when we were snowed in to camp one winter and I’m not exaggerating when I say they almost killed each other. Well, Peggy almost killed Steve. Those nails of hers are lethal, you know.

Ma would be thrilled if you asked her to help you bake, although you will be in danger of her never letting you leave the kitchen ever again. The woman has a lot of wisdom to impart and all the time in the world. This may sound weird but. . . I like you getting along with my family. Not sure why. But it feels nice, having you fit in so seamlessly.

One of the guys recently asked how long we’d been together and I really had to think about it for a second before answering. Not to wax poetic, but it’s strange to me that we’ve only known each other since April. Four months of knowing you and continuing to know you every day. You’re so familiar to my life now, I can hardly imagine a time when you weren’t in it.

Thank you for having faith in me. Thank you for being an encourager. Thank you for opening up this new life to me. The world has only gotten brighter since you walked into that skyscraper all those months ago.

By the time you get this, I’ll probably be within a few hours of home. But as of this moment, I’ll see you in 4 days. I can’t wait.

See you soon,

Your Window Washer

Chapter Fourteen

TAGS:

@moderapoppins @lookwhatyoumademequeue @crazinessgraveyardsandcartoons @thinkwritexpress-official @fearless2tobeme @laneygthememequeen @past-perfect-future-tense @drhughgrection @promarvelfangirl @connorshero @anditwasjustus @p3nny4urth0ught5 @usernamemingmei @the-canary @thorfanficwriter @blueskiesbleakeyes @silverwing2522 @satansmushroom @nerd-without-a-cause @firewolf-marvels @reginaphlanageadams @kiliakit @forsaken-letters @bouquet-o-undercaffeinated-roses @part-time-patronus @biavastarr @ellaenchanted91 @ihopeyousteponarosepetal @bloatedandlonly @barnestruck @itsbuckysworld @captainsbuck @writemarvelousthings @havanaangel @animeflower26 @igotkatiepowers @clockworkherondale @mcueveryday @buckybarneshairpullingkink @cassianpeia @ladylizzieofdarbyshire @russian-romanova @yknott81 @bellamys @xmarveled @barnesrogersvstheworld @abovethesmokestacks @ursulaismymiddlename @sarcasm-ing @hiddles-rose @thisismysecrethappyplace @palaiasaurus64 @fanfic-diaries @fangirlfictionmain @majesticavenger @creideamhgradochas @lucyyannabel

#bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes reader insert #bucky barnes fluff #bucky barnes fanfiction #bucky barnes series #All We've Got is Time #beka writes #Chapter Thirteen #AWGIT

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lgbt-moonboards-aesthetics · 4 years

Text

14th June - Pride Month Post (by Corin)

Hi everyone, this is admin. Corin! My pronouns are they/them/theirs, I'm bisexual and nonbinary. I am also intersex, though I don't use this label as often, mostly because of how recent it is that I've come to accept this due to the lack of information on conditions which fall under the intersex umbrella.

I think I'll touch on two lil anecdotes in this post --

I've been both pretty lucky and pretty unlucky in terms of coming out, although I think I'd still consider myself luckier than most.

Growing up in a very Christian family, the internalised biphobia was DEEP, though it mostly came in the form of denial. I was pretty much your typical homophobe until S2 (year 2 of secondary school on scotland/ typically around 12-14 y/o). There was an incident where one of my friends sent me a gay meme about jesus and I went off at them for it. I almost lost them as a friend. Eventually, being a non confrontational person, I apologised. At the time, i dont think i meant it, i was just desperate to not lose them as a friend. And then, that same year, she came out as bi. I went to an all girls school at the time, and I think our year was uncommonly out about it because suddenly at least a third of the year were saying they were bisexual. We made gay jokes during class and in the corridors. There were still bigots, but they weren't very loud. We were louder.

Funnily enough, my long denial phase ended after seeing Age of Ultron in the cinema with that same bi friend I'd had the fight with. Honestly, I think I still have a crush on Wanda from AOU.

It took me a lot longer to figure out I was nonbinary. For a long time, I wasnt aware of the word. I just have this vivid memory of lil me sitting in front of the mirror repeating "I am a girl" over and over again and hoping that it might stick, so I never really had an attachment to being one. I guess it kind of makes it awkward that I went to an all girls school now, and honestly I've kind of put this acknowledgement in a box for later.

ANYWAY, I think in the end, what made me realise, after asking google and various tumblrs a load of questions, that I am nonbinary was simply the fact that *I dont feel like a girl*, and I want to be nonbinary more than I want to be a girl. It seems kinda straightforward, but gender is weird and no experience is the same so it's hard to ask someone "how did you know?" and then apply their answer to yourself.

I finished just my first year of uni, and I'm living as out as I can. Luckily, scotland is one of the more lgbtq+ progressive countries, so my name is Corin on school records, and all my uni friends know me as Corin too. Though it's one of the smaller scottish unis in terms of population, and we're in a small town, the lgbtq+ community there is visible. There are trans people there, there are nonbinary people there, and those who are visibly queer.

I'm still not out to my parents, I'd like to think I will be one day but i dont know.

What im trying to say here is that queer people are there. There are more of us than you might think. Ive been incredibly lucky with being in environments where I knew I wasnt alone, but if you aren't and you can't see anyone, even when you can't see others in the community we're still there. Prioritize your safety, but also remember-- just wait. You'll find a space eventually where you can be authentic to yourself. You can even create a space, if you're lucky, even if it's online, or just one person.

And if you are in a position where it is safe and stable for you to be heard, be loud. Yes, it isnt your job to educate the ignorant, but it's a privilege to be able to help those in our community who cannot be heard our out so that one day they'll be able to live and express themselves as they want. Those people who were loud helped me, are STILL helping me.

I know this is a long ass post so just one last thing:

Even though we cant all gather in one place this year for pride, if you're feeling isolated and like there's no place for you at home or wherever you may be, just remember that even apart we're here. we're queer. and, well, we're always filled with existential fear so the rest of the world better catch up.

Even when you're lonely, you're not alone. and we'll keep reminding you of this. There are people, and there WILL be people for you, just wait.✊🏼🏳️‍🌈

Stay safe, everyone ❤

#lgbt #lgbtq #pride #pride month #trans pride #nonbinary #bisexual #bisexuality #bycorin #internalised biphobia #internalised homophobia #internalised transphobia #religion #gender dysphoria #homophobia #transphobia

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breaniebree · 5 years

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Can you share your journey as a writer? How the idea of writing fanfics came into your mind? Do you have other own fiction too? Also how do start a particular fanfic? As in do you make notes, timeline or character sketches and stuff or do you just go ahead and write and then make notes on facts?

What an interesting question -- thank you for asking! This is literally going to be a novel response (letting you know in advance LOL)

My journey as a writer... I guess I always wrote things down, started as a child when I wrote in a diary and then as I got older I wrote a little poetry, none of it very good (though I wrote a poem when I was twelve to describe the loss I felt when my Nana, my great-grandmother died, and my aunt read it aloud at her funeral). I wrote a few short stories, just little things, prompts from teachers in school and such and then one day I decided I wanted to write my own story. But funnily enough, it actually came about through fan fiction.

I used to love this book series back when I was ten called Trash by Cherie Bennett, and I was completely in love with the characters Chelsey and Nick, and when Jazz claimed that she was pregnant and Nick was the father and it did ended on a cliffhanger and I didn’t have the next book, I remember writing my own version of what happened next -- God, looking back, it was probably terrible, I definitely don’t have it anymore. Pretty sure the book series isn’t that great looking back at it now, but when I was ten, it was great! LOL. I also wrote a side story for Demetrius and Karma, so even then I guess I branched off into subplots. When I was fourteen, I started my own original series, which I am still currently working on and probably will be for the rest of my life if I’m honest -- it’s changed over the years, but the characters and my ultimate goal have stayed the same.

How did writing fanfiction come into mind?

Well, with Harry Potter, it was because of my friend Chris. We used to talk on the phone every single night after school for hours on end and after HBP came out and Harry and Ginny were FINALLY together only for him break up with her, I was so livid that I had to wait to find out what happened! I remember Chris and I debated what would happen in the last book for ages and one day I must have ranted too much because he told me to go write my own story if I didn’t want to wait, so I did.

I was seventeen and it was Harry Potter and the Prophecy Fulfilled: Which looking back at it now, I think it’s not exactly the greatest story lol and you can definitely see where I’ve improved since then. After finishing HPPH, I ended up still having different ideas, all Hinny, and went on to write a few one-shots: Almost Too Late and Beautiful Mess. Then I started writing A Different Beginning, which turned into my Beginning series: A Different Beginning, A New Beginning, Why Don’t We Just Dance?, Life Is Fickle Like That, Graduation Party, and The Reunion. Those of you who have been reading my fanfiction since the beginning know that I originally posted the above stories on SIYE between 2005 and 2007 and had then completed (except for the second half of Life is Fickle onwards before Deathly Hallows was published). I didn’t start posting on fanfiction.net until 2008 and only recently on Ao3. Somewhere in between writing the Beginning Series, I also wrote a few other Hinny one-shots including The Greatest Gift, She Never Lets It Get To Her Heart, I Loved Her First (actually Arthur POV, which I later incorporated into the Beginning Series), The River (which is a standalone but also can be read as part of the Beginning Series), When the Sand Runs Out, and then the mini-series Padfoot’s Advice (Late Night Talks with Padfoot 1 & 2, Padfoot’s Advice, and Secrets from the Past). Then I wrote the short Hinny/Romione story: The Trouble With Secrets and was inspired to write a Jily series, which I did with Crazy Little Thing Called Love, which could technically be a prequel to the Beginning Series as I kept some of the story similar. I also wrote a Jily one-shot called Flowers and another Hinny one-shot called I Don’t Like Your Girlfriend.

I didn’t plan on writing any more fanfiction as university became busy, but then in 2017 I started writing these little Missing Moments for Harry and Ginny both before HBP and then during, and then after. I just sort of compiled them on my computer for a while, wondering if it would turn into a story or not and then the idea came to me one day for A Second Chance after seeing some fan art of a five-year-old-Harry in sunshades and a leather jacket while riding a child’s motorbike next to Sirius in the same outfit and the next thing I knew, this story just pored out of me in February of 2018, I had the first twelve chapters written by March and another five by April. I started posting the Missing Moments compilation, added a few more things including the Remus and Petunia scene from ASC and kept writing A Second Chance and in May, decided it was time to share it and uploaded the first twelve chapters.

By the time I realized it was going to be a long one, I knew which characters I would sacrifice and how it would end, but how I was going to get there I still have no idea. I’m not a writer who methodically plots. I have a few general bullet points at the end of my current WIP chapter and that’s really it. I add to it occasionally as I go, but mostly, I just write as I go along. I can’t tell you how many chapters it will be or how long it will take me to get to the next section because frankly, it’s constantly changes. I do not write in chronological order, which means I am often writing anywhere between 2-6 chapters at the same time depending on what scene has drawn my attention. I might write something today that fits in the chapter I am currently working on and then by the time I finish writing other stuff, I realize that it doesn’t really fit there and stick it ahead into the next chapter or ten chapters from now. I write where my heart takes me and where my creativity flows.

I rarely ever work on more than one story at the same time, though I did write the short Newtina one-shot for my friend Heather as a Christmas present in 2018. She requested it and I couldn’t write it, I found it so hard as I like them but it’s not characters I loved enough to write so I did it with a Luna spin-in, which I found helped. I never take writing requests so this was very different for me, but I think it turned out cute: Say Love, ‘Cause We Got All the Time in the World. I only recently uploaded it a month or so ago because I found it on my computer LOL.

Do you make notes, timeline or character sketches and stuff or do you just go ahead and write and then make notes on facts?

Once I am into the story, my notes are EXTREMELY detailed. I do have a time line and separate documents for the following:

Character lists and family trees

General notes on: Political stuff, bills I’ve written, the sacred 28 document I wrote, tattoos mentioned, important dates, moon cycle dates of Remus’ life, classes I’ve invented (what they are about, who teaches them etc), textbook list per school year, notes on each Animagus form and information about their animals, actual time tables I wrote up Monday to Friday for Harry’s third/fourth, and fifth year, details of Zee and Tonks’ engagement rings, history and outline of Dante’s circles of hell with notes on how to incorporate into story, notes on pregnancy, character’s wands, geographic locations of characters, and any other little notes I think are important but don’t belong in the bullet points at the end of my current WIP chapter

History and ancestry of each family (from Harry Potter Lexicon, Pottermore, Harry Potter wiki, and my own personal creations). This also includes manor information for Potter, Black, Longbottom, Nott, and Malfoy.

Hogwarts lay-out including stuff I’ve added or made up

Ministry of Magic departments and people (known and created)

List of spells (including ones I’ve made up and which chapter and which character introduced it to who)

List and pictures of Sirius’ motorbikes with information on each one

List of Pensieve memories and marauder moments (crossed out which ones I’ve shared already, some are written and waiting to be used and others just a general idea)

Terms and phrases from different languages I’ve used in the past

My playlist of songs I have mentioned in the story

An entire document dedicated to Operation FUVP including a Voldemort timeline which I have now shared in the story itself (also includes when and where each character found the Horcruxes)

A list of some of the recipes I mentioned, and

I have a 72 page document that is literally just detailed chapter summaries to help me remember what the hell I’ve written LOL (also highlights introductions to new characters in a different font colour to help me find out when people were introduced).

Hope this answers your question -- thank you again for asking!

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migleefulmoments · 5 years

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"Hahaha. A friend pointed this out. W online shops too!" What does this even mean?! I don't know anyone in 2020 who doesn't online shop besides my 80 year old grandparents because they refuse to learn how to use a computer 😂 I don't get how Will, a 30 something year old man, online shopping is worthy enough for Abby to comment on it. I'm sure Chris does it too. And Darren.

On Nov 5, Darren wrote this post and the cc fandom lost their shit.

They decided that organizing 10 costumes for multiple events in two different states for two different people was not worthy of acknowledgment- especially since they wore several purchased costumes. They spent the next 30-ish days mocking her “online shopping skills” like the petty idiots they are and now they bring it up two months later.

Anonymous asked: this is funny, C posted a photo of beard, D posted photos with the beard. Almost like they were sitting next to each other and saying “ok ok I will say this”

ajw720 answered: The only difference, C controls his SM and the bearding, D does not, but they knew the Halloween post was coming when C posted his belated b-day wishes (not that he acknowledged they were late).

It really is, if you can remove the very human, tragic element, like a script for a really bad D Movie. C posts “Happy Birthday, Babe!” a day after the man’s actual b-day and “D” praises his fake bride for MAKING TEN costumes. Sure praise her if she actually designed them and sat with her sewing machine. No, she went online and ordered things (I doubt she even went to a store). And 3 couple costumes were cheap frankly. The only thought was how narcissistic she could be in their execution (as @flowersintheattic254pointed out even the Mario costume had a reason, it was a reminder of Japan and the fake encagement by referring to the ad that paid for their trip there).

And seriously how are people not questioning that she spent the entirety of her month picking TEN costumes? Who has time for this? I know, i know, a person whose only role in life is to play fake plus one.

I am just so tired by D in particular being utterly dragged down by the useless dead weight by his side and his team’s sole ambition to promote her and make her sound like a decent person.

If they wanted to praise her, maybe they should have forced her to participate in the zero waste initiative instead of sitting drinking by the pool or have her volunteer to help young girls who have been kicked out of their homes, or have been raped. Or pick any cause and truly volunteer her time to promote it. If she is not going to actually get a job and pursue a career, please force her to do something that is actually of value and contribute something good to the world. But to praise her for picking TEN costumes?

Praise that comes from a man who this year alone won three awards, is starring in a show he created and wrote the music for, has his first big movie premiere this week, is exec producer and star of a huge show on N/etflix, just announced his starring role with 2 A++ lists actors next spring on Broadway, celebrated the 5th anniversary of the festival he created, volunteered his time for the zero waste initiative, performed at several charity events, and was just yesterday name limited series actor of the decade. Where is the praise for him from his “bride”? He at least deserves it.

How do they not see how ridiculous it is for someone with D’s accomplishments in 2019 alone praise a person for purchasing TEN costumes for Halloween? And stans, how do you accept that this is right or normal. You really know nothing about him and have such little respect for him as a person if you continue to accept the character his idiotic team has created on his behalf. It is so far from the person he is and that he generally holds himself out to be when given the opportunity.

This isn’t about being a “gay fetishist” or “hating woman” this is about wanting for D to be fairly and accurately represented and no longer forced to participate in this stupid, life sucking game to promote a person that contributes absolutely nothing to the world. If you want to have a strong female role model, there are so many, i’ve talked about a few in the past few days (thus far Nancy, Lea, and Phoebe) and will continue to do so, but please stop worshiping a person whose sole reason you are speaking about her is her connection to D, even if you refuse to accept it is fake.

klainecentric Finished reading the funniest ig story of the day, the qween being praised for sitting in front of either a sewing machine or computer...bravo your majesty qween....your my hero well done.👏👏. And all I can think of is how irrelevant the statement D made about being an emotional horder, being a very private person and finally D saying he's lazy when it comes to social media, I'm internally screaming in frustration because yeah we know D wouldn't have written a post praising that lazy good for nothing waste of space but he's coming across as a lier and it's extremely damaging to his character as a person. I absolutely hate lying and every time another "private" moment is posted to the world is another small piece that's chipped away from what D has originally stated about privacy. PBB, nobody cares about your cheap arse highly flammable costumes you buy online, did you forget about your piano baby adult strip club. I'm sure there are still plenty of people out there you can hire to rub and flaunt their flanges all over the beer taps, why don't you keep busy on that instead. If you want to make costumes, I'm sure you can sew some mighty fine titty tassels together. It'll be cheap nasty, sound familiar.

souly So, let me get this straight. We should all praise a person for going online, looking up different costumes in online stores, putting those in their shopping basket and hitting “buy”? Because I do that at least once a week with other stuff. Do I get praised for that now? Pretty please? I’m doing good work there and buy a lot of stuff, therefore I must be the best person ever!

notes-from-nowhere You’re my Queen. Please, love me.

souly

(I think I got it right. I’m getting the hang of what said person is doing. Wheee! ;))

notes-from-nowhere You nailed it 🤣

ajw720 Yesterday I got a delivery of car food. And instead of his usual seafood mix up greats, I got him shrimp flavor. I’m awesome!!!!!

souly Oh, hey! I think we should all take pictures of whatever we bought online during the week or month and make individual posts on all of our social media accounts about it. Because, you know…

cassie1022 I picked up stuff I ordered online at Target and PetSmart. Does that count? Should I receive accolades because my cat will have fresh litter to do her business on?

souly Only if you post the pictures to prove it! ;)

ajw720 As soon as I get home. Pictures forthcoming. Shrimp cat treats and I also got a burgundy blanket for my new comforter!!! Life goals!!!!!!!!!!!

souly Okay, so, let’s see… What did I buy online during the past month that can be shared as pictures? Some things are gifts, so I obviously can’t post anything about those yet. But I think these here are safe.

Let’s start with one of my fav new shirts. (Excuse the grainy quality. I had to quickly edit it for privacy reasons. :p And yes, that’s a butterfly mirror.)

The rest are behind the cut to save your dash from drowning in too many pictures. ;)

cheekyface72 You’re my queen from now on…

ajw720 I think emmy/sag/gg/CC winner DC should write a post @soulypraising your awesome, amazing, unparalleled online shopping skills! You earned that praise. That cat toy is particularly spectacular.

*********************

Just A Taste of M’s Amazing Online Shopping Skills that are worthy of such Praise

ajw720

Super Mario with inflatable Dragon $54.66 (x)

Princess Peach $78.99 (x)

chrisdarebashfulsmiles. i can’t

flowersintheattic254. When you add the fact that the wedding was sponsored so heavily, and her history of outfits I think it shows Mi@rren is something that’s always been done very much ‘on the cheap’.

From work vacays (honeymoon included), RC ‘glue gun’ looks, thrift shoes and subsidized weddings.

It’s BUDGET BEARDING!!!

leka-1998. It’s not worth more than this, that’s for sure.

notes-from-nowhere We are so ungrateful. She worked hard to find the gloves.

I bet she had to click on another link to find them. She deserves another accolade.

ajw720 @flowersintheattic254 Budget Bearding! I LOVE It! (and something tells me D’s SW costume in particular was far cheaper than either of these).

souly That Snow White dress can be found for about $25 in a ton of online shops. I stumbled upon it even before Halloween way too many times. 😂

@notes-from-nowhere The plush question mark block can be found in a couple online stores like this one. She simply glued it onto some gloves - or asked L to do it with that glue gun of hers.

flowersintheattic254 Well funnily enough I think we may have confirmation that 🚽🚽 glued on the puppies so I guess YES to the question mark block too!!!

cassie1022 They can’t even glue things properly. Why am I not surprised?

leka-1998

So, so amazing. Bow to the kween and her not so helpful helper.

************************************

There are lots more...I figured enough of your brain cells died reading the ones I posted. On Nov 30 she is STiLL bringing it up”

Anonymous asked:

Whenever I see miarren gifset they always use the same quote underneath (the rolling the windows down quote) and at first I rolled my eyes and thought uh not that quote again, and I can't believe it took me this long to realise it's because there is literally no other quote that can be construed as loving. You can hardly put down "she's a big girl" whenever you make a set of gifs with M beaming and D looking like someone murdered the dog he's allergic to.

ajw720: And I love the Emmy quote as it was an absolute reference to his character who was a psychopath. Pretty telling if you ask me. But that reference is over their heads.

And pretty much the only one. Guess saying he’s a ball and chain kind of guy isn’t romantic. They can’t even take pooping exes as he clearly steered the conversation away from her. Lovely lady of many moons? Nah she sounds like a stranger. Saying nothing changes after marriage? Sounds boring. It’s a struggle. But hey she’s an excellent online shopper that he done got hitched to!!!

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scottfuckingreed · 5 years

Text

You’re mine - Sweet Pea

ANONYMOUS SAID: ‘Can I get a jealous Sweet Pea smut plssss, your writing is fire.’

Warnings!: Smut and smutty language, swearing

Sweet Pea. How do I even begin to describe him? I mean... he’s cute, he’s funny, and he’s even ironically sweet. He’s even a tease. And - most importantly - he’s a serpent. I shouldn’t even want to go near a serpent, let alone flirt with one. But that’s our friendship? Relationship? It’s not a relationship, but it’s a ‘relationship’. Do you know what I mean? We flirt with each other, but we never actually do anything. We definitely aren’t dating, although I get asked that question A LOT.

It’s the average hangout. We sit around a fire in the caravan park. It’s like a part of out daily routine almost. I’m not here with Sweet Pea, but he’s here. Pretty much all the serpents are. I guess that’s what being friends with Betty brings. There’s alcohol passed around and we play stupid games like truth or dare. It’s so childish, yet I find myself looking forward to this time of night. It’s later today. We always have a fire, but it’s actually dark. 9pm. A perfect time to start playing a silly little game.

Before we start we make sure we’re settled. Cups full of drinks and in a comfortable position to begin. These games can last 30 minutes, or they can last hours. It highly depends on the mood, the game, and the questions asked. “Jughead! Truth or Dare?” His arm lays tight over Betty’s shoulder as he ponders his response. They’ve always seemed like the perfect couple. He would do anything for her. I guess there are perks to a gang member as a boyfriend. “I’m gonna start off easy, truth.” There are grunts from some serpents in the circle, and calls of ‘boring’ and ‘pussy’. “When did you last have sex?” I roll my eyes at the question. The first question? Really? We all know what the topic of questions is gonna be tonight don’t we. I see Betty blush in the corner of my eye, but I soon get distracted by the hand placed on my bare knee. I look up at him and instantly lock eyes. I don’t even need to say his name. I don’t hear the answer - I assume it’s fairly recent - as I’m stuck pretending I don’t want Sweet Pea’s hand off my knee. There are other places I’d rather him touch, but my knee is just enough. “Don’t pretend you don’t like it Y/N,” his soft but low voice rattled through my body. “Why would I?”

I know for a fact that he prefers hard to get. Imagine if he knew how easy I actually am. That would just be embarrassing. But I’m struggling to ignore the hand that was no longer on my knee. Every now and then I feel it higher. Only slightly, but it’s moving towards my... you know. The way his eyes were involved in the game was frustrating. He knows what he does to me, but he acts as if it’s nothing. The only response he has for me is every time I look up at his face a smirk will appear. That little shit.

“Y/N!” My head snaps away from Sweet Pea’s face as fast as his hand is removed from my thigh. “You zoned out there! It’s your turn.” My turn? Was I tranced our for that long? We’d been through about 7 people since Jug. By the looks of it there’s been a lot of ‘drinking’ dares. That’s all I can guess. “You know the question, Truth or Dare?” Compared to these lot, I’m probably very innocent. It’s time to step out of my comfort zone. “Uhm... Dare.” It didn’t come out my mouth confidently. I’m just hoping I don’t regret that. “I dare you to kiss a serpent of your choice.” Oh boy. It feels like all eyes on me - which it pretty much is - as I make my decision. I can’t believe I’m even thinking about this. Instant thought: perfect time to finally kiss Sweet Pea. It might be my only chance because, let’s be real, me and Sweet Pea don’t stand a chance together (not that I’d even get a chance). My other thought is wrong in so many ways. I’ve never looked at Fangs in a ‘omg I want to kiss you’ kind of way. I’ve never really looked at him in any way like that. So, why would I kiss Fangs? To see if Sweet Pea is bothered.

I stand up and lock eyes with Sweet Pea before taking a step. This could really fuck everything up; if there is anything there of course. I can’t even read him. His expression is extremely vacant, as if he’s empty inside. “Stand up Fangs,” I smile confidently when I get in front of him. Sweet Pea’s head turns towards me and a now stood up Fangs. Him and Fangs exchange a look. Man I wish I could mind read. I raise my arms up to Fangs’ face and start slowly becoming closer to his face. I can feel he’s hesitant. Oh god. I really should’ve just kissed Sweet Pea. No one even said what sort of kiss. Our lips touch. I don’t know what I expected, to maybe feel like fluttering in my vagina as he sticks his tongue in my mouth? But there’s nothing. Now I am just solely doing this to get a reaction. The kiss lasted about 5 seconds. It doesn’t seem that long, but it was 5 seconds too many.

I finished my round - which was very long by the way - and walk to ‘get a refill’. I actually just needed to breathe. I’m often the sort of person the pass on a game of truth or dare. ITS POINTLESS. And as I get pushed up against a caravan I begin to regret it more and more. “You’ve really pissed me off, you know that right?” It takes me a second to grasp what’s going on. I open my mouth to speak, but my words are stopped by a mouth on mine. Hold on... I push him off to take a proper look. Was that Sweet Pea who just kissed me or am I seeing things? He stands in front of me with a shocked face. “I wasn’t meant to, uhm, I’m gonna just,” he starts to walk away. Grabbing his arm, I pull him towards me and latch my lips onto his again. My back returns to the caravan but in a slightly more gentle way with my arms already worming their way around his neck. Instead of his hands, it was his body pressed against mine. Although it was directly on mine, it still wasn’t close enough. His hands immediately went under my skirt to my ass. I wish I had the will power to slap him away. If only it wasn’t exactly what I wanted him to do.

“Jump,” he mumbles between our passionately long kiss. Excuse me? “We’re-“ kiss. “In public.” I couldn’t even convince myself. To say I’ve been waiting is an understatement. So I couldn’t convince him or I, so I did exactly as he said and jumped.

I’ve imagine this many times in my head in so many different ways. It was almost like a fantasy world where thing would actually go my way - except now they were. It’s like a movie I’ve seen one too many times. The way my legs are wrapped around his body... the way our tongues hungrily battle... the thrill of the massive chance we get caught was all too familiar, but I haven’t lived it yet. Once he attached his lips to my neck I was snapped back into reality. This is actually happening.

“Sweet Pea,” i moan in a whisper as he nibbles my neck. He pulls away, and I finally see that face. Somehow it’s all different now. “What are we doing?” I laugh in slight embarrassment. He frowns slightly. “We’re not doing this out here,” I warn him, just to erupt a huge ass smirk across his face.

It was only a split second between him saying ‘Who do you think I am?’ and dragging us into the caravan we’d been pretty much grinding against for the past 5 minutes. Who’s is it? I don’t know, and to be honest I don’t care. I need this boy and I need him like NOW.

The sofa is the first thing we both see so we throw ourselves on it and tangle ourselves back together. It was flash moments with me removing his shirt, my thongs being thrown over the room before my hands found their way to his belt. He eyes widen slightly so I pause. “Y/N please,” he begs, which is sexier than I could ever imagine. Actually, I’ve never imagine it which made it even nicer to hear. I smirk and bite my lip slightly. I know how it feels to be Sweet Pea right now, that’s me when I’m in the same building as him. Let alone when he creeps his hand up my thigh! I’ve gotta say, it’s nice to be in control. For once, I’m not waiting - he is. “Don’t piss me off Y/N,” he stretches his hands to the back of his head as I slowly undo his belt. “You’re hot when you’re angry,” he’s always angry so. My words magic a smile - not a smirk - right across his face. I push his body backwards so he gracefully falls on his back, and I straddle him. “Do you have any idea how much you’ve teased me over the past few months?” He look on his face is indescribable and the words fall out of my mouth. I don’t know where this sudden flood of confidence came from, but he just brings out every side of me.

I had finally undone his belt after making out for another 5 minutes, and we were finally almost ready. I mean, I was ready since I met him, but now we’re both ready. After tumbling and rolling for at least 2 minutes just fighting for dominance, he - funnily enough - won. His eyes are nothing like I’ve seen before. As he lays with his face directly above mine, he eyes stared into mine we complete kindness. I’d never been looked at like this. It’s truly angelic. A kiss gets planted on my forehead, before asking, “Okay?” I nod at his pureness and can’t help but feel completely whole in this moment. He slowly inserts himself inside of me, and as he does this he plants a passionate kiss on my lips until he fully enters me.

The pace isn’t slow, but it’s a lot slower than I’d expected. He thrusts himself in and out at such a nice and regular pace. With him being ‘a bad boy in a gang’ you’d think he’d be wreckless and uncaring of situations like this, but it couldn’t be more opposite. The way our kisses are, and the way he rests his head on mine every now and then was so beautiful. I shouldn’t even be thinking of this as anything more than a fling, but I feel that - in this moment - we both were on the same page.

The pace quickens as our breaths get heavier and heavier. It was almost like we were in sync with the way our bodies moved. “Fuck,” he whisper between a kiss with his forehead pressed against mine and our noses dancing together. My thumb rubs against his bottom lip as start to moan louder. I accidentally clench around him, making him go into a frenzy. “Oh my god Y/N! You better be close after that,” he moans. How does he keep getting more and more attractive?! He could breathe and I’d explode. I let go around him, and he climaxes I into the condom shortly after.

A few heavy breaths later, I lay with his arm draped around my shoulder. “That’s not how I thought tonight would go,” I laugh honestly. “I did,” I prop myself up slightly to look at him in the eyes. “Or I was hoping so anyway,” I nudge him in the chest with my hand. “I would’ve preferred if you hadn’t of kissed Fangs though,” he doesn’t sound ‘sad’, but I can tell him words rang honest and true. “Well if id know you were feeling this way I would’ve gone for you.” I pause. “So I made you jealous?” I knew I made him jealous, but hearing him admit it would just bring me so much joy. “Don’t try me Y/N,” he laughs and throws himself on top of me again. “You’re mine, not his.”

#riverdale #riverdale sweet pea #sweet pea #sweet pea x reader #sweet pea smut #riverdale smut #riverdale fanfiction

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galacticcannibalisms · 6 years

Text

It’s late, I’m stressed because my dog is limping badly and I have to change out the newsprint on my prints tomorrow AND take dog to vet and hope they can see him before I work. I did finally finish my next fic, once again inspired by @one-trash-man‘s art. And funnily enough, while I was dragging my feet, they made a really cool animatic! You should check it out.

I’m debating between writing an Aaravos or a Reigen ficlet next.

If you like this fic, please reblog it. Tumblr isn’t putting any of my work into the tags unless it’s original, traditional stuff like my brooch hand print WIPs.

It hit Teru on a nearly daily basis how lucky he was to have Shigeo Kageyama in his life.

Like today, as they walked home together for the umpteenth time since… They weren’t really talking right now (it’d been years since he felt the need to fill the silence, realizing at last that Shigeo’s quietness wasn’t disapproval and was in fact Shigeo enjoying not talking his throat raw with his friend), but they were close together. Teru’s apartment was off a busy street, so their shoulders rubbed together whenever Shigeo needed to scrunch closer to avoid hitting a passerby.

How tempting it was to wrap an arm around Shigeo’s narrow shoulders. No, that wasn’t fair to him. He had bulked out a fair bit since their first days of tentative friendship. Certainly, he was no Adonis for the rest of Salt City but for Teruki – for Teru –

“Hanazawa-kun?”

“Y-yes!” Teru could feel his face grow hot, and then he was suddenly jerked to a stop by a familiar blue aura. It lasted just long enough to stop his momentum.

“You nearly ran into that sign.”

Teru looked forward and realized that Shigeo had just saved him an embarrassing faceplant into a stop sign. His blush deepened as he internally derided himself for not noticing sooner. “Ah, thank you Kageyama-kun.”

“What were you thinking about?” It was such a simple, small question, but Teru didn’t know how to answer that. How could he answer that he was thinking about Shigeo’s shoulders without sounding incredibly weird?

Teru deftly sidestepped the sign to continue walking, adjust the grip on his bag. “Honestly? A couple different things, but mostly just how lucky I am you sought me out after – ” He glanced at Shigeo, watching him piece it together as he talked. “ – after, well, him.”

“You can say his name,” Shigeo finally said, very quiet. But he was rubbing his palms against his school jacket without thinking, fingers spread wide. Teruki knew that feeling. He’d done it too, after their first meeting.

Quick as a thought, Teru reached out and snatched one of Shigeo’s hands from its incessant rubbing, giving it a comforting squeeze and a swipe of his thumb of the back of Shigeo’s knuckles. His hands were always surprisingly soft, the callouses from using dumbbells – focus Teruki.

Shigeo was blushing it seemed – No, focus.

“Come inside for some tea,” Teru finally blurted. He absolutely was not focusing on anything but the faint color in Shigeo’s cheeks. Was he imagining it? Was it real? Did it matter? Teru had just grabbed Shigeo’s hand. To anyone else, it was an intimate move, but to them…

“I think we passed your apartment,” Shigeo said, looking about. Teru glanced back, galled to find that Shigeo was right. “I’ll come in.”

“Good.” He sighed in relief, following after Shigeo until time came to actually enter the building. They held hands the entire way. Teru chalked it up to his imagination that Shigeo clung a moment longer before he could pull the keys out.

Teru was an only child, and his parents were very rarely if ever home. So it wasn’t a surprise for him to enter an empty apartment. They slipped their shoes off, dumping bags on the floor next to the door before Teru went for the kitchen. Shigeo went the opposite way, to the bathroom. Teru could hear running water, biting the inside of his cheek.

Why had he brought up Mogami Keiji? That’d been three years ago. Of course Shigeo hadn’t recovered. Teru hadn’t recovered from his own brush with attempted murder, and that’d been much milder in comparison.

He looked at his own hands with unusual scrutiny as they filled the teapot. Sometimes, sometimes he still had nightmares of that time. His hands wrapped around Shigeo’s throat, trying to force him to fight. He could feel the pulse still, the warmth, the look of a boy trying his damndest not to give in.

That. That power that blew him into the sky had only come out because of his, Teru’s, actions. The sun had been so warm and beautiful, but the crash had been horrible. Not because Shigeo let him fall to his death, but the crisis of identity afterwards.

When had that ended? When had his near daily nightmares of almost killing someone stopped being so daily?

“Hanazawa-kun? You’ve overfilled the teapot.” Pale hands entered Teru’s field of vision, turning off the sink and pulling the teapot from Teru. Vaguely, he watched the disembodied hands empty part of the pot before wiping the excess water off. Then they disappeared as Shigeo set up the stove to warm the water.

“Shigeo?”

“Mm?”

Teru let his hands drop to the edge of the counter, supporting himself as he stared blankly down. He was still so selfish, he thought vaguely over the rushing blood in his ears. To have a crisis right after forcing Shigeo to think about him again. But Teru was a selfish boy. He always had been. That wasn’t going to change now.

“How can you stand me? How could you talk to me after what I did?” He blinked in the ensuing silence, twitching in surprise when he felt short, blunt fingers against the small of his back, pulling him back down to earth. He looked back to Shigeo, focusing in on his face. There was color there again, but Shigeo’s gaze dropped away thoughtfully before their eyes could meet.

“People can change,” Shigeo finally said. “No one told you not to use your powers against others, so… of course you went so far. But you changed afterwards. You helped me find Ritsu.”

Teru pulled back, using his hand to hold back a bark of laughter. “Shigeo, I hadn’t changed at all back then. I was just… faking it.” He balked briefly under Shigeo’s intense stare but pushed forward regardless. He had to say this now. “I just had my ass handed to me by this. This sounds horrible now, but by this punk nobody of a kid who was. Protecting me? From himself? When I was supposed to be the strongest esper around. I’d been fighting and hiding from those adults for months, and I couldn’t even defend myself when you let yourself go.”

“I didn’t – ”

Teru held up a reassuring hand, letting it drop to Shigeo’s shoulder to squeeze. “I know that now, but back then? I was shook, down to my stupid bald head.” He leaned back into the counter, loathe to let Shigeo go. But he couldn’t look him in the eye either, knowing what he was about to say.

“After… you were this. Gold-plated god to me. How could you decide that you were no better than anyone else when you had so much power? You could’ve been a god at age fourteen! You were my god for awhile.” He laughed at himself, embarrassed. “When I learned what was happening with Ritsu, I jumped at the chance to be helpful to my own personal savior. I didn’t really start seeing you as a person until, until Mogami.”

Since he was holding Shigeo’s shoulder still, he could feel the flinch Shigeo had at the name. “Why then?” Shigeo asked, his voice very quiet. Teru couldn’t read him now, despite the years of learning Shigeo’s micro-expressions. He started to drop his hand, but Shigeo forced it to stay with a gentle grip on his wrist.

“Because you came to me,” he said quietly. “My god-figure called me in the middle of the night with the same itchy, hot palms as me and asked me how I lived with nearly choking someone.” He could still remember the events so clearly, having played them over and over in his mind in the years since then, reminding himself that he and Shigeo really were the same. A phone call in the middle of the night, Shigeo’s halting, soft voice as he related what happened without waking his family. Insisting they meet up after school to talk turning to months and years of walking home together, except when Teru had therapy with his group or Shigeo had to go work with Reigen, the one-sided feelings that built in Teru until he felt his stomach was full of flowers…

“Hanazawa-kun, do you still have nightmares?”

It was Teru’s turn to avoid eye contact. “Sometimes. About when you confessed to Tsubomi-san.”

“Oh.” The grip on Teru’s wrist released. “We fought then, didn’t we?”

“That’s not why.” Teru pushed ahead quickly, squeezing Shigeo’s shoulder tightly. “We’re both commoners, right? You losing your temper like you had showed me why you so strongly believed it.”

“I hurt people that day.”

It made Teru laugh, hearing that from Shigeo of all people. “You didn’t mean to. And we kept people from getting hurt too badly.” It’d been the first time Teru had really focused on people outside himself and Shigeo. It’d been… enlightening why Shigeo cared so much.

Right now though, Shigeo was trembling, ever so slightly. “I was being swallowed by my own power,” he said slowly, haltingly. The teapot was starting to whistle, and he moved to take it off the hot stove, busying himself with finding Teru’s mugs. Teru watched, waited. “It was hell again. I couldn’t stop myself. And I hurt people. I destroyed the city.”

“We rebuilt. People recovered.” Something pinged in Teru’s mind. “You didn’t become him. He had nothing to do with it.”

Shigeo didn’t reply. Teru wondered if he was off the mark. Maybe it was him just connecting the dots between Mogami and Shigeo’s destruction of the city months later, and what if he was making everything worse now? But then Shigeo’s shoulders shook, and Teru could hear the faint sound of him trying not to cry.

Teru stepped forward, two, three steps across the narrow kitchen to wrap his arms around the teen. Shigeo stiffened briefly before sinking back into Teru, setting down the pot so he could turn into the hug. This wasn’t so unusual. Teru had become a surprisingly tactile person over the years, and it had nothing to do with how well Shigeo fit against him, how the other esper didn’t judge the way Teru’s body felt against him even if it wasn’t quite to standards. They were almost the same height, but Shigeo still tried to make himself so small, crushing his face against Teru’s shoulder as he fought the urge to cry.

Teru supported the back of his head, looking off to some of his mom’s collected wine bottles that she kept on display above the counters. “We’ve both changed quite a bit since then. You’ve gotten stronger, more in control.”

“Mm…”

Teru paused to see if Shigeo was going to speak, continuing as he just rubbed his face against the curve of Teru’s shoulder instead. “You accepted yourself then, didn’t you? That you can’t always hide from your emotions? So what’s happening now?”

“I hurt people.”

“I hurt people, and you are friends with me.”

“You don’t anymore.”

“Ehhhhh…” Teru gave his hand a little so-and-so wiggle that Shigeo couldn’t even see. “I could never maintain myself as well as you.” That got Shigeo to pull back and give Teru a suspicious look, to which he guiltily grinned. “Oh, don’t give me that. I don’t use my powers on them.” All the time, at least.

Shigeo let his head drop again with a little thump, sagging into Teru in such a way that he had to adjust his grip to keep him from collapsing into the tile below. “You’re impossible Hanazawa-kun.”

That had him smiling because, funny. That’s what he thought about Shigeo. “You… you can call me Teru, you know. Most everyone does.”

“Teru?” The quiet that followed gave Teru the time to soak in the thrill of hearing his name in Shigeo’s voice. “You can call me Shigeo.” Teru knew he was trying to play fair, knew that he knew that Teru always slipped up and called him that anyway, his heart on his sleeve like some sort of lovesick middle-schooler --

“Mm, okay Shigeo.” He patted his back lightly. “Let’s get the tea made and we can continue this on the couch, okay?”

“Okay.” Shigeo shuffled off him, wiping quickly at his face and the mottled red spots that always showed up when he was upset, whether or not he was crying. Teru stepped forward to help, only for a twinge of pain to go up the side of his ribs.

“Ah, I’ve got to change.” The binder was a cruel master, tearing him away when he knew Shigeo was still fragile, but he had tried to ignore the pain once. Tome had become friends with him that day, helping him get to a bathroom and pull the damned thing off because it hurt to even move, let alone breathe or wrestle the constricting fabric off. Since then, he’d followed the eight hour rule fastidiously, doubling up on sports bras and other, less constrictive means of hiding his chest when need be.

He disappeared into his bedroom, changing as quick as he could, the soft sweater familiar and comfortable even as the ache in his ribs let up ever so slightly. He returned to the main living space to find Shigeo had already sat at the couch, carrying the mugs and holding them somewhat awkwardly because he lost track of the coasters. Teru helped, coasters settling on the table next to Shigeo with a gentle click while he sat down.

Shigeo passed him his own mug before focusing on the cup in his own hands, steam rising to warm his face. Teru watched him from the corner of his eye, sipping on his own tea and feeling the burn to his tongue instantly remove his sense of taste for the next six hours. He set it aside.

Shigeo still wasn’t drinking his tea. Teru watched him a moment longer before reaching out to drag him close. When Shigeo flinched, he realized he was still thinking of… that. “Hey, it’s okay. You’re not hurting anyone here.”

Shigeo shuffled into Teru’s embrace, leaning against his side. The mug of tea was lowered into his lap, twisting over and over in his hands. Teru let his arm drop over his shoulders, hoping Shigeo wouldn’t notice the way his heartrate picked up as he watched the mug of tea twist and twist and twist.

“Shouldn’t I be over all of this? Mo-Mogami and when Tsubomi-chan moved away. That was when I was fourteen. We’re practically adults now.”

Teru made a humming noise, dropping his head back to think. “Now, I’m good at a lot, Shigeo, but I’m not so sure any adult knows what they’re doing. Look at your master. He makes money off of people blaming their stress on supernatural causes when really they’re just overworked.”

“Sometimes they have real supernatural causes.”

Teru poked Shigeo’s far shoulder, making the other teen look up at him. He grinned at Shigeo. “Wouldn’t you say that getting trapped in some poor girl’s mindscape for six months is a legitimate supernatural cause?”

“Mm.” Shigeo looked down.

“Or a lifelong trauma caused from hurting your little brother? You were, what, six? That was eight years Shigeo. It’s been three since you’ve started opening up to yourself. No one is expecting you to be normal that fast.”

No accompanying noise from Shigeo this time. Teru pushed on, rubbing at the spot he’d poked soothingly. “What is normal anyway? We’re commoners, yeah, but we’re still not normal, either of us. Reigen is not normal. Tsubomi is not normal.”

“Tome-senpai is definitely not normal,” Shigeo offered after a moment.

Teru laughed, squeezing Shigeo tight. “No, she certainly isn’t. But most everybody likes her anyway. Everyone in our therapy group do, and so did those kids in that club she tried to strong-arm you into.”

Shigeo was thinking, plucking at a hangnail plaguing his hand so he no longer twisted his mug over and over and over. Teru waited, not wanting to say more, knowing his friend, his rival, his… liked to mull things for a little, chewing at ideas until he came to his own decision. Something that Teru couldn’t do. Something he was jealous of, loved in Shigeo.

“Sometimes, the nightmares get mixed up.”

Okay, Teru had been expecting for Shigeo to agree that all was good in the world and they’d drink tea and Teru would memorize just how Shigeo felt against his side all over again to torment the ache in his chest for another week or two. Shigeo, as always, brought it crashing around his head.

“What, what do you mean?”

“Everything that happened when I was fourteen.” Shigeo sighed, closing his eyes. “Ritsu’s kidnapping, the fire, Mogami… all of it was, is – ”

Teru pulled Shigeo closer, his own face warming up as Shigeo stiffly lay against his chest only to slowly relax, the hard lines of his shoulder and arm adapting to Teru’s softer frame. “Shigeo, I-I like you.”

You could drop a needle in the carpet and hear it for all the sound that was in the room. Outside, a car door slammed, making them both jump. Shigeo started to sit up again, but Teru held him tighter. “No, wait, hear me out.” He cleared his throat and closed his eyes, though Shigeo was not really looking at him. He could feel the tickle of his hair whenever either of them breathed. He was certain Shigeo could feel the panicked racing of his heart.

“When we first met, you refused to fight me. You talked to me the entire time I was trying to provoke you, but I didn’t listen. I, okay, let’s be real. I thought I had killed you at first.” This wasn’t the greatest start, remembering all this. He could feel Shigeo starting to look up and deftly put his chin on top of his head to stop him. “I told you, I worshipped the ground you walked on. I, I needed you. And you were there for me. Even when things kept going wrong in your life. I watched you reach out time and time again to help other espers, other adults, turn their lives around.

“So, your, your nightmares and all that baggage you still have from everything that happened? That’s fair. And I want to be here for you to sort through it. But I think you need to hear every now and then just how much good you did in that year too. You’re amazing Shigeo. I love that about you.”

“Ah. I thought you were confessing to me.”

Teru wondered after the jolt of fear that shot through him if Shigeo had felt it too because he could feel the other teen moving away from him. Did Shigeo look… disappointed? Maybe Teru needed a break from all this heavy talk because surely not, surely it was a mix of whatever else was going on in his head showing itself.

Still, Teru couldn’t stop blushing.

“Ah, that happens to you a lot, doesn’t it? The confusion thing. I remember a few months ago you thought Sakura-san was going to say she liked you?” Shigeo looked a little flustered, but Teru had already been reading him wrong, and he wanted to distract from his own insecurities. This was an easy topic. “What was it she wanted again?”

“For me to walk her home. She thought she was being followed.” His voice was a mumble. It was always a mumble though. Teru plowed ahead, the blood rushing about his head as he continued to distance himself from what Shigeo had said. He gave an awkward laugh, coasters rising and settling down again subtly around them.

“Or before that, what happened with that one girl who gave you chocolates?”

“She was trying to pass them on to you.” Shigeo shifted, straightening up. “Hanazawa-kun, can we get off this topic now?”

“R-right. It’s just a shame you know because you’re a really good guy Shigeo. Anyone would be lucky to have you and I – ” He cut himself off, but he could feel Shigeo staring at him, waiting. He thought I should say, I’ve been in love with you since you sent me to the clouds, since I learned you weren’t gold-plated or the sun or the moon but a normal person like me – he should say these things, but he couldn’t get his mouth to work.

Shigeo leaned against his shoulder, picking up his mug of cooling tea to sip at. “You should finish your tea Teru.”

Teru picked up his mug to sip at, discovering that, well of course it was cold. He warmed his hands with a spark of pyrokinesis, watching steam rise once more from its surface. Shigeo lifted his mug towards Teru, and without a thought he warmed it too.

“Have you thought about trying for the track team at Salt High?”

“Mm, I’m not sure I’m fast enough yet for their team.”

“Shigeo, come on, you have to try – ”

And just like that, they were back in their routine, painful memories and emotions not quite locked away or resolved, but there were more important things to worry about. Like Shigeo joining the cross-country team at school, or Tome’s latest escapade trying to get her and Teru’s therapy group to go out into the woods to hunt for spirits. Or the way Shigeo’s hand fell so easily back into Teru’s as they relaxed into the couch, curling up together to finish their tea.

It was a golden moment between a boy and his former god. Teru really, really felt lucky having Shigeo Kageyama in his life.

#mob psycho 100 #mob psycho #shigeo kageyama #hanazawa teruki #shigeo #teru #mob shigeo #my writing #fanfic #this one's a little longer at 3.5k words #lgbt fic #transgender and bisexual headcanons and pining and hand holding and yes

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niall-is-my-dream · 6 years

Text

A Secret Connection - Part Three

"Hey sweetheart." You said as you answered your phone that Sunday afternoon.

"Wow you sound chirpy, expected you to be hungover." Anna replied shocked.

"Oh I'm hungover, but I'm ok!"

"So your work thing was ok last night then?"

"Yeah it was fun." You replied blushing, thankful that you were on the phone with your best friend and not face to face.

"Any good office gossip?"

"Not really. Pretty straight forward party to be honest. How was your date yesterday?" You asked trying to steer the conversation away from you.

"Good, James' housemate was out so we went on a trip along the Thames and then he cooked me dinner and we watched a film."

"Sounds romantic!" You said smiling.

"It was, hey shut up!"

"Sorry! Things are going well with him then?"

"Yeah, really well, he's a great guy, think I've fallen in love with him."

"Wow really? That's amazing Anna, I'm so happy for you."

"Thanks, so you still ok for next Saturday?" She asked.

"Yeah I am, 2 o'clock right?" You replied.

"Yep, 2 o'clock. Weather forecast looks good. James has got a hot tub so bring your stuff with you. Are you still staying the night to? They have the spare room."

"If that's still ok? Saves me getting a taxi back."

"Yeah of course, James said it would be fine. It's just his office with a single bed in it."

"That's great, say thanks to him for me."

"I will do."

"Can I bring anything?"

"Just bring a bottle. We are heading out that morning for the food."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah it's fine, James and his housemate are in charge of what to buy, I'm just going to make sure we have enough wine!" She replied laughing.

You'd met James a few times over the past few months that they'd been seeing each other, normally at the pub with your friends. He'd suggested a bbq at his house to get to know you better without loads of people around.

"I'll text you his address. Have a good week at work lovely." Anna said.

"You to." You replied.

You were not looking forward to work at all, and it was entirely your own fault.

Thankfully the person you were hoping to avoid, was no where to be seen all week and he didn't ring the office once. You gave a sigh of relief as you got the tube home Friday, safe in the knowledge that you hadn't had to see him.

You woke up late that Saturday morning, you headed to the loo before going into the kitchen and making a coffee. You didn't have much to do today apart from the bbq, just a few chores to catch up on. You organised some washing while your coffee brewed and ate a quick breakfast.

The weather was gorgeous today, you couldn't wait to head over to James' later and do a little bit of sunbathing and chilling out in his hot tub.

You headed out to the supermarket ten minutes from your flat and grabbed some shopping for the week. It was only you in your flat, so you didn't need much. You also grabbed some wine to take over to the bbq later.

You'd checked Google maps and James' house was about 20 minute drive away. Once you'd put away your shopping and packed your bag, you text Anna to tell her you were in your way.

You pulled up outside the terrace house, spotting a parking space a bit further down the street, before getting out and lugging your stuff up to the door. You could see someone approach through the glass on the door not long after you'd rang the bell and Anna appeared.

"Hi!" She said as she pulled you into a hug. "Nice dress!"

"Hi and thanks. Got it at that new shop, you know that boutique place in the high street."

"Its perfect!" She said.

Perfect? Ok...... You thought to yourself.

"Makes your boobs look amazing."

"Cheers!"

Just then James appeared in the hall way.

"Hi Em, how are you?" He asked as he gave me a hug.

"I'm good, thanks for inviting me and for letting stay the night to."

"Its no problem, saves getting a taxi back later. Don't like the thought of you going home late like that on your own."

Ah what a sweetheart he was, you were really pleased for Anna.

"I'll take this upstairs for you." He said taking your overnight bag from you.

"And I'll put this wine in the fridge." Anna added. "Go through the lounge to the garden, I'll bring you a drink out."

"Thanks guys." You replied.

You made your way out to the garden and stepped out onto the patio. The sound of your arrival had alerted the only other person in the garden to turn around.

Fuck.

He was here.

You stood staring at him for a second, both of you recognising each other. You couldn't read his expression, was he annoyed to see you? Happy? Confused?

"Emily.....hi......." he mumbled.

"Hi......." you replied frozen in the doorway.

Just then you heard James behind you, he had been quick to take your bag up to your room.

"Em, this is my housemate Niall." He said, as you finally stepped out into the garden.

"Yeah, we've met before." Niall said smiling.

Fuck, he was going to call you out. Say what happened last weekend.

"Oh really?" James asked oblivious to the nervous look on your face.

"Yeah, we both work at the same place." Niall replied.

"Oh I didn't realise, so do you work in the same department?"

"Um no, we don't." You replied feeling like you could throw up.

"We hung out a bit last week at our work party, we know a few of the same people."

"Of course! Anna said you had a masquerade ball to go to and I knew Niall was at one. I should've clicked!" James said.

Niall was staring at you still, James bless him was still oblivious to the tension between you both.

"I'm going to go sort out the food, Niall can you get the bbq lit?" James asked.

"Yeah of course bud."

Anna came out with your drink and one for Niall before offering you a wink and heading back inside with James. You stared at her as she walked away and she glanced over her shoulder at you and made a shooing motion with her hand. Oh god! She was trying to set you up with Niall. You bet this was the blind date that her and James had tried to set you up on.

You turned to face Niall, the feeling of needing to throw up still there. You took a sip of your wine before looking across at Niall.

Shit this was awkward.

"So you haven't told Anna about the party then?" Niall asked you nervously.

"No, I haven't told anyone." You replied, looking at the ground, too embarrassed to meet his gaze. "Have you told James?"

"No, was a bit embarrassed by the fact that I woke up alone."

"Oh........I'm sorry........it's not something I normally do...... just sleep with someone I hardly know."

"Well it's not something I normally do either............... Was gutted when you weren't there when I woke up." He said quietly as if he was unsure of your reaction to his statement.

"You were?" You whispered, the surprise in your voice evident.

"Yeah........I um........doesn't matter........you did leave......I um got the hint."

"Niall I'm sorry, I just presumed you wouldn't want me to be there when you woke up."

"Well you were wrong." He replied as he reached over and took his beer off the table. You watched him take a sip, watched the way his mouth wrapped around the head of the bottle.

His lips.........God his lips. You exhaled slowly not realising you'd been holding in a breath whilst you watched him.

"I thought we had a connection, I thought it meant something to you. I thought........we could........I don't know." He flustered.

You looked at him, your mouth wide open. You hadn't expected him to say that.

The connection you'd felt with him had totally overwhelmed you, you hadn't been able to stop thinking about him. You'd only tried to avoid him last week to save face. Stupidly you had assumed that he would only view that night as a one night stand. It seems you were wrong.

"It meant something to me. It meant a lot to me.......... I'm so sorry Niall." You whispered hoping he'd hear the sincerity in your voice.

He looked at you for a moment, before turning around and opening the gas bbq up. He quickly lit it, before closing the lid and facing you again.

"I hoped I'd get to see you again away from work, hadn't expected it to be at my house! " he said a grin on his face. The atmosphere had changed slightly between you. It was less awkward more flirty.

"Well l think Anna and James are trying to set us up." You said smiling as you glanced towards the house.

His face lit up. "I think so, I've funnily enough been told a lot about how great Anna's best friend Em is, I assumed it was short for Emma not Emily. Do you prefer being called Em? I mean, I always call you Emily."

"I don't mind either, although I particularly like it when you call me your dirty girl. " You replied quickly and a smirk appeared on your face.

His mouth hung open at your crude words. The air felt thick all of a sudden. He set his beer down and as he moved closer about to reply, Anna and James came striding out.

He stopped his steps and looked down at his hands before turning towards them then back to you. He cleared his throat and whispered, so they couldn't hear. "This conversation is not over." And then licked his lips.

Anna then launched into a long conversation about how she hadn't realised that Niall and I knew each other. She was desperately trying to be subtle about how nice it was that we were outside of work getting to know each other better. You were trying to process her words but you're exchange of words with Niall was running through your mind. What did he mean when he said this conversation wasn't over? You couldn't wait to find out.

"Shall we go change into some swim stuff whilst the bbq is warming up?" James said.

"Great idea." Anna said smiling.

Oh God this was a set up.

Wonder what Anna and James would say if they found out that last week you'd had mind blowing sex with Niall. You couldn't stop yourself from smirking and Niall smirked back, like he could read your mind.

Opening your over night bag, you pulled out your towel and simple black bikini. You'd just finished tying it up behind your neck when you heard a gentle knock on your door. Opening it up you expected to see Anna, but instead you saw Niall. He'd changed into some swim shorts and was shirtless.

Wow. You tried to hide your massive smile.

He put his finger over his lips to silence you and looked behind him and down the hall before walking in the room and shutting the door.

"So.........what can I do for you?" You whispered, a small smile appearing on your face.

He stood staring at you, his eyes running up and down your body. His earlier bravery at coming to your room had gone and you could tell he was nervous.

"I um..........You look gorgeous." He whispered back.

There was silence for a moment before you took a few steps forward, you moved your hands up to his chest, running your fingers through his coarse chest hair. Your mind was wandering with thoughts about last week but he pulled you back to reality as his hands fell on your hips. He tilted his head, nudging your nose with his, a smile on both your faces.

His lips met yours in a tender kiss, moving your hands up to run through his hair you deepened the kiss. He moaned against your lips and slipped his tongue in mouth. All your emotions of last week came crashing down on you, the connection and spark you'd felt was still there.

A loud knock on your door had you both pulling apart from each other.

"Just a second." You called out.

"It's just me." Anna said. "I just wanted to say I'll meet you downstairs with the lads."

"Ok, I'm just getting changed. Be down in a minute." You called back.

Niall took that to mean he'd probably got another few minutes to keep kissing you before you had to go downstairs. His lips found your neck and you stroked the nape of his neck as he moved his mouth across your collar bone. You could feel his arousal in his shorts as he pulled your hips closer to him.

"Haven't stopped thinking about you all week." He whispered against your skin. " Didn't have the guts to call you. Shamefully avoided you all week." he said as he brought his face up to yours.

"I did the same thing. I'm sorry, I really am." You whispered.

"Let's forget about how stupid we were and go downstairs and laugh as we watch our best friends try and set us up together." He whispered back smirking.

"I'll go first, and maybe you should go to bathroom to calm yourself down." You replied as you pushed your hips forward and your centre met his erection. He hissed out at the contact. "If I had time, I'd help to out." You smirked as you grabbed your cover up and towel from the bed and walked towards the door.

"I'll get you back for that." he said as he gave your bum a quick squeeze and slowly opened the door.

The hall way was empty, Niall went towards the bathroom while you made your way downstairs, throwing your cover up on as you went.

Anna was in the kitchen when you got downstairs, getting bits out of the fridge.

"Hi." You said as you walked in the room.

"Hi, sooooooo............?"

"So what?!" You asked confused.

"Nialls pretty great isn't he? Didn't realise you worked together."

"Yeah he's a nice guy, we chatted a bit last weekend. Don't know him that well, as he doesn't actually work with me, just for the same company."

"Well, you can get to know him better today can't you?!" She said smiling.

"Knew this was a set up as soon as you opened the door to me!"

"Oh come on, he's a nice guy, good job, nice place. Just get to know him. James and I think you're perfect for each other."

You heard the stairs creak as Niall came bouncing down them, his shorts showing no signs of an erection. You curled your bottom lip into your mouth and you swear you could taste him still.

"Need me to take this stuff out to James?" Niall asked.

"Yes please." replied Anna.

He took the trays of burgers and steaks out to James who you presumed was in the garden. Anna didn't push the Niall conversation any further, you just chatted about your weeks and how work was as you cut the rolls and chopped the salad. With the prep done you placed what you needed in the fridge and grabbed the wine before heading out to join the boys.

"Is it ok if Em and I jump in the hot tub whilst you boys sort the bbq out?" Anna asked James.

You took the opportunity while they were talking to check out Niall again, he had a smirk on his face. How had you got him so wrong? You could tell he wanted you just as much as you wanted him. You had no idea what was going on with you two or where he wanted this to go. That was a conversation for another time.

The both of you took off your cover ups and grabbed your wine before climbing in the hot tub. It may have been a warm June day but the water wasn't too hot. You both settled back against the back of the hot tub and watched the shirtless men argue over the bbq.

Luckily you were far enough down the garden to talk about them in low voices but it meant you weren't too far away to hear what they were saying to each other.

"James seems really sweet Anna, I'm so pleased for you."

"Thanks, he's honestly such a great guy, I'm waiting for it to go wrong."

"It wont! It's obvious he's crazy about you."

"It is?"

"Yeah, he's all cute trying to keep you close to him, sweet little glances over to you all the time."

She smiled as she gazed over at him and Niall arguing about what should go on what rack on the bbq.

This afternoon was going to be interesting you thought as Niall turned around and smiled at you.

"They're watching us." Niall said, as we sat in the hot tub that Saturday evening. A massive sigh left his beautiful pink lips. James and Anna had gone up to bed a few minutes ago.

"Oh god, are they?!" You said smiling.

"Yeah, don't look straight away but, top window on the left." He replied taking a sip of his beer.

You looked around the garden a little, before looking up at the window Niall had described and saw the curtain twitching.

"Subtle!"

"Ah bless 'em though, they really have tried to get us together today."

"They have, the pair of fucking idiots!" You said, a smirk appeared on your face as you sipped your wine.

"So, I get the impression that you and Anna are really close."

You nodded. "yeah she's my best friend."

"But you didn't tell her about last weekend?"

You knew he'd want to talk about this further, you'd been waiting for it. You'd both apologised earlier and shared a secret kiss in the spare room. But it was strange that you'd not told Anna about him, you'd not even told her about your year long crush on him.

"Today's set up is exactly why I didn't tell her about us!" You giggled. "She's a hopeless romantic and I knew if she found out I liked you then I'd never hear the end if it! What about you though? Why didn't you tell James? Do Harry and Liam know?"

"Harry quizzed me the next day, told me I was a twat because I didn't make a move on you. James, well similar to you I suppose plus I was embarrassed."

"Not even sure what I was thinking when I left."

"I get it, I do. You thought I'd just view it as a one night stand, not want anything to do with you the next day."

"Just thought it was best." You said playing with the stem of your wine glass.

"Wish I could kiss you now." He whispered, staring at you.

"I wish you could to."

Both of you knew they'd be still watching you, waiting to see if something would happen.

"Are you busy tomorrow?" He asked.

"No."

"Can I take you out on a date?"

You chatted in the hot tub for a another half an hour before getting out. Wrapping your towel around your body you began gathering up bits that needed to be taken in over night. Niall turned off the hot tub and checked everything was clear, before following you into the house and locking the door behind him.

You weren't sure if Anna and James were asleep or not, but you still tip toed around downstairs as you put glasses and stuff in the kitchen.

His hands found your hips as you went to leave the kitchen, and you smiled as he turned you around pulling you back to him.

"Need a kiss goodnight." He whispered as he leaned in.

You leaned in to, your lips meeting. What started out as a sweet goodnight kiss turned into a heavy makeout session against the wall in the kitchen. You reluctantly pulled away from each other before saying goodnight and heading towards your separate bedrooms.

Part Four

https://niall-is-my-dream.tumblr.com/post/177026487588/a-secret-connection-part-four

#niall #niall horan #solo niall #niall smut #niall imagine #niall fan fic #niall fan fiction #one direction #Emily writes #niall au

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jahmusicandlive · 6 years

Text

SubWoofers: It’s Showtime

The day was here. The day we had been building up to for seven months. The day that had caused endless stress, documents, and spreadsheets. The day that pretty much represented my input and effort of second year (I would say roughly 85% of any of the work I have done this year has been towards this event).

One thing I had already agreed with myself about a week prior to the event was that I was going to stay happy and positive. Generally I find this fairly easy, I tend to have a positive outlook in day to day life, however, I also know that once I allow my stress to work me up into a mess I struggle to get out of that spiral. I like to think that I did a pretty good job of staying happy, which doesn’t really sound like a job at all, but I think as a leader, if you’re smiling your team are more likely to, like a sort of reassurance that things are on track.

As requested I arrived later than the first group. My mum was generously offering her photography services to us and so she picked me up and drove me in for 8:30. Though I had offered, we both knew that her staying at my house wasn’t the best idea as my only downtime (sleep) needed to be comfortable and having another person to focus on wasn’t going to help that. I cannot explain how incredible it was to have my mum at the event, getting to see me in action. I am very close with her and always keep her updated on uni work, so she has been a part of this journey too. I also know from the past 20 years of my life that if I make my way into that stress spiral, there is one person who can ALWAYS get me out of it. Shout out to you mum, you are a living legend.

Anyway, I arrived at 8:30 (though that hadn’t stopped me being up since 5:30 checking documents and communicating with the early team to make sure everything was going according to plan) and went straight out to the field. The site actually looked like a festival site and I was BUZZING. This was also the first day that the whole team would be on site and I would be coordinating approx. 40 people. One of the tasks that I had an active influence on was the build and break roles, and basically deciding who needed to come to the site on which days. This is definitely something I would have changed in hindsight. We knew we would need people that were actually going to turn up and put the work in, but a few more bodies would have definitely made the process quicker and easier.

When security arrived on site I became two radios Jessie (see flattering picture below). At this point, I really had to get my head in the game, as not only did I need to focus on communicating with people in person, I also had two radios to listen to. Oh and not to forget my phone ringing every five minutes with calls from members of the team without radios. The staggered arrival times of team members meant the radio protocol had been mostly swept aside. Thought this didn’t cause any major issues there were definitely hiccups involving people cutting into other conversations or just speaking rather than using a call and response system (“Jessie to X”, “Go ahead”). One item mentioned in the debrief was that everyone should have arrived at the same time, with one briefing for all including health and safety, radio protocol, and any other information necessary.

The rest of the team arrived after 10 and were given the health and safety briefing. Then came the moment that made everything real… Alan (our course leader) turned to the group and said “Jessie is the event manager, Jessie is in charge, any questions go to Jessie and she will either answer them or send you to a person that can answer them”. In that moment I realised how much responsibility I had been given and how much was relying on me, but funnily enough it didn’t send me into a panic, instead, it got me pumped. It also reassured me that people would listen to me, as the day before I felt I struggled a little with enforcing instructions, so for everyone to have been told clearly (by someone of authority) that my instructions needed to be followed was a relief.

Though the arena was not due to open to the public until 1pm, myself, Jess (H&S coordinator) and Michele (THD CEO) were scheduled to carry out a final walk around at 12pm to ensure that all structures were safe and everything was in place ready to open. At around 11:50 I started running around, knowing fully well that there were still bits to do, however, it turned out that most of these tasks were reasonably small and could be achieved in a short time with the help of many hands. One aspect that was an issue, however, was the security. In the build-up to the event I had been responsible for arranging and liaising with security. When I met with the boss of the company I felt assured that they were event specialists and since the event target audience didn’t pose any major threats we chose to use their services. The reality was that, although the boss fully knew what he was talking about and the industry, most of his team didn’t. One or two of the on-site team were great, fully communicative and on top of it… the other were simply bodies. They didn’t have any clue about what was going on and within that there is definitely room for improvement on our part as their briefing clearly needed to be more in-depth, potentially even held a day or two before the event so that it didn’t clash with the madness of the on-site tasks. There was also an inability to follow simple instruction and in the end, it took the CEO going down and shouting at them for them to actually follow instructions. I understand that with it only being a one-day event, by the time you have your head around it, it’s almost over, however they felt very separated like they were their own little group and only their team leader would communicate with me, it didn’t feel like a coherent collaboration.

It was showtime! Generally, most things within the arena were running smoothly, the two areas that were a bit hectic were the box office and arranging the stewards. Though I was event manager I had fairly little to do with the box office as there were box office assistants, who were managed by the box office manager, who was managed by the logistics coordinator, and so there were already people capable of making the decisions and adjustments necessary to improve the situation. When it came to arranging the stewards Remely (staffing coordinator) was on boss mode. Having made the stewarding rota I knew what the plan was, however as we found out, rotas completely change on the day when volunteers drop out and problem areas need more help and attention. There were a handful of times that Remely called me asking for assistance or advice on who to move where, but other than that I felt comfortable in the knowledge that she was on top of it and props to her because it’s an insanely difficult job.

Once most people were through the gates the day was in full swing and everyone seemed to be really enjoying themselves. I’ll set the gif (below) speak for itself. I ended up making multiple radio calls along the lines of “does anything need doing, are there any issues anyone needs help with” because my team were doing their jobs so efficiently.

As the final act performed everyone managed to find 10 minutes or so to experience the show. Some of the team went on the rides, others just sat down in the sun for a bit. I was walking near to the main stage as saw my mum dancing to Ska Souls - This may seem like nothing to some people, but I usually have to drag my mum onto the dance floor and build up her confidence to let go and have a proper boogie, so to see her doing this by herself made me unbelievably happy - and so I had no option but to go and join her for a dance. Little did I know that Dan captured a few seconds of it (and probably doesn’t realise how much this footage means to me).

Once that moment was over I had to round everyone up in the production office to go over breakdown roles. Before I could start, Remely got everyone’s attention and ended up giving me a little thank you speech. My production team got me two bottles of spiced rum (my drink of choice) and a card. I cannot put into words how thankful I am to have been blessed my team members. Though some struggled to find motivation at times, we all came together and smashed it! Thank you to all my production gals (that includes you, Michael) for making my life so much easier, I couldn’t have coped without you guys. And while I’m here thanking people, let’s chuck a thank you over to the other team leaders. Without our weekly meetings and communal stress rants, I don’t think we’d have pulled off this event. You guys were my stability through this rollercoaster and I can’t wait for us to work together in the future, cause I know that whatever we do together, we’ll smash it!

Now I am aware this post is getting fairly long now, so it’s lucky that the breakdown on the day was a fairly swift process. Once everyone’s roles were allocated it was GO! GO! GO! (This was definitely helped by the fact that once we were finished we knew we could rush home and go out to the final night of Festiball). During this time I was pretty much just overseeing everything. The main issues involved the vehicle egress. Because so much planning had gone into the placement of stewards during the event, the post-event placement had been given less attention. In reality, more stewards were needed throughout the exit route, as well as more signage (In a larger font size). Within this egress route, more attention should have also been given to traders, as it was a one-way system it became difficult for them to get back onto the field from the parking area. All problems were solved but we were all so focused on the show itself and the breakdown that the egress definitely should have been looked at in more detail.

Though there were many other highlights and hiccups, this post is already longer than anyone wants it to be, so I will finish up here. One last thing I must write is to Alan. Alan dropped the bombshell on us a few days before the event that he would be leaving the university at the end of this term. Now, if you had told me this a year ago, I would have been concerned for the future of my course, but I wouldn’t have been particularly personally affected. Over the past year (the past 5 months in particular) I have grown to have the biggest respect for you and I am truly gutted that you are leaving. You have done so much for this course and this event and I know that in the future I will look back knowing that you will have had a major impact on my work ethic and my career, so again, thank you so much.

#mine #bucks #bnu #music and live events #event manager #subwoofers music festival #subwoofers

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buckleyy--diazz · 7 years

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36, Raphael/Simon

36 - Can we just watch a movie and fall asleep on the couch.Enjoy! ♥〰〰〰The Way I AmRaphael knew he was going to have to talk to Simon soon. Things had been getting more serious between them in the past few weeks and if Simon couldn't accept his asexuality and wanted to break up with him, Raphael thought it would hurt less now than later. Raphael knew it would hurt no matter how long they had been together but he was trying to convince himself.His phone rang, startling him. Simon. Raphael took a deep breath and answered.“Hey Simon.”“Hey, what are you doing?”“Studying, why?”“My mom is working late, so this means I have the house to myself. Do you maybe wanna come over?”Raphael’s breath caught in his throat. This awfully sounded like an invitation to...take the the next step in their relationship. He didn't know what to answer.“We can order pizza and watch movies,” added Simon.“Yeah okay, I’ll be there in an hour.”Raphael threw his phone on his bed and sighed. He would need to talk to Simon tonight.At 6pm he parked his car in front of Simon’s house, he took his overnight bag from the passenger seat and got out of his car. Simon was waiting for him in the doorway, smiling from ear to ear.Raphael plastered a smile on his face and he hope it looked sincere. He was so nervous he was almost shaking. He tried not to think about the conversation he needed to have with his boyfriend.“Hey babe,” Simon greeted him and placed a small kiss on Raphael’s cheek. He took Raphael’s bag from his shoulder and entered the house. Raphael followed Simon inside, he removed his shoes and sat on the couch.“Let me go put that in my room. Pizza should be here in about 20 minutes. I ordered the pizza with extra pepperoni, extra cheese, no mushroom. I hope this is okay for you. Make yourself comfortable. You can set Netflix if you want. See if there is anything good…”“Simon! You're rambling,” said Raphael, looking at Simon curiously.Simon almost never did that anymore, only when something was botherin him or if he was nervous.“Simon, what’s going on?”Simon sighed and joined Raphael on the couch, leaving the overnight bag forgotten at the bottom of the stairs.“I kind of need to talk to you about something and I don’t know where to start. That’s why I invited you over. In my head everything was perfectly clear but now my nerve took the control and my mind is all over the place and…”Raphael took his boyfriend’s hands between his in a reassuring gesture.“Simon, are you...are you trying to break up with me?”, asked Raphael, trying to keep his voice from trembling.“Oh god no! I love you, breaking up with you is the last thing I wanna do,” exclaimed Simon.Simon seemed to realized what he had just said, his eyes going comically wide. Clearly he hadn't planned to confess his love right now.“Good thing we cleared that up,” said Raphael, “because I love you too.”Simon grinned and placed a chaste kiss on Raphael’s lips. Surprising himself and Simon, Raphael deepened the kiss a little. He and Simon didn't kissed like that very often because Raphael was always afraid it would send the wrong message. After a few minutes, Raphael put his hand on Simon’s chest and broke the kiss.“Is everything okay?”, asked Simon.“Yes, yes but you said you needed to talk to me and I have to talk to you about something so…”“Oh yeah, I have, well, I had a question for you but the kiss kinds confused me and I know I still have to ask but I fear you might not take it well, I don’t know…”“Simon, you're rambling again,” said Raphael fondly.“I know okay, I know! Anyway, I want you to know that you can say everything to me and you never have to be scared of my reaction. And no matter what you will answer, it won't change the way I feel about you.Raphael felt his heart swell, suddenly Raphael felt a little bit less scared. Maybe he was scared for nothing.The doorbell rang, cutting Simon’s speech. Simon took his wallet on the coffee table and answered the door. After paying the delivery man he disappeared in the kitchen with the pizza box. He reappeared a few minutes later, carrying two plates and two cans of soda. He set everything in front of them. Simon took a bit of his slice immediately and burned the roof of his mouth. Raphael chuckled lightly. Simon always did that and after he spent the night complaining about how much his mouth was hurting.“Don’t try to stall the conversation by hurting yourself,” teased Raphael.“Not what I’m trying to do.”“Sorry if I don’t believe you.”Raphael opened his soda and took a sip at the same time Simon asked, “are you asexual?”Raphael choked on his sip and started coughing violently, surprised by Simon’s question. It was the last thing he thought Simon was gonna ask.“Oh my god! I am so sorry, I didn't want to almost kill you with my question. It’s just, I noticed things, like we’ve been dating for 6 months and we never took our relationship further. Except for a few kissed here and there. That’s why it confused me a little when you deepened the kiss. You never initiate anything but I thought maybe you were not ready so I didn't pushed. But, I got curious and I found this page about asexuality and I thought, well maybe…”Raphael opened his mouth to answer but Simon held his finger in front of Raphael’s mouth.“No please, let me finish. I really need you to know that whatever you're going to answer, it doesn't matter. I love you and it’s not about sex. I care about you and yeah…”“Can I speak now?”, asked Raphael.Simon nodded.“Okay well, funnily enough, what I needed to tell you is that I am asexual. I was really scared of your reaction and I had honestly no idea how to tell you.”“You’re kidding me!”“Do you have any questions? Knowing you, you probably have a thousands questions going through your mind.”Simon let out a little laugh.“How do you feel about kissing? I mean, I know we kissed a few times but I want to be sure you are really comfortable about it. And how do you feel about the sex? Are you repulsed by it or are you just indifferent about it? Have you always been like that? Can I touch you, I mean can I hold you in my arms, can we cuddle? How do you feel about sleeping in my bed, with me?”It was Raphael’s turn to laugh.“Okay, I didn't think you would really have a thousand questions.”“Sorry”, answered Simon sheepishly.“Don’t be, I am happy you are asking, I’m happy you care enough to ask. About kissing, I am obviously okay with it but only sometimes. Like when you told me you loved me, I felt a burst of affection and I really needed to kiss you at that moment. For the sex, I am not repulsed by it, I just don’t care about it. Yes I have, as far as I remember, always been asexual. And you can definitely hold me in your arms and cuddle the shit out of me. Oh and I trust you so I have no problem with sharing a bed with you.”Simon smiled softly.“I’m really happy we had this conversation. And I’ll probably have some more questions later. I want you to tell me if I ever do something that makes you uncomfortable. ““Don’t worry, I will.”Raphael closed the gap between them and pressed a gentle kiss to his boyfriend’s lips.“I think the pizza has gone cold.”“I’ll go put our slices in the oven, it’ll be ready in five minutes.”When Simon came back to the living room he sat close to raphael, their thighs touching.“How do you feel about watching a movie and falling asleep on the couch?”“That sounds perfect.”-FIN-

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