#and fucked him up and ppl’s perception of him up forever

[thwackk]

been reading young alan scott. slay

[daz4i]

controversial opinion perhaps but i kinda hate when youtubers, esp ones with a large audience, pull armchair psychology on villainous or clearly negative characters, when they don't have the disorders they're talking about or some background in psychology or at least talking to someone who has it to make sure what they're saying is relevant. it kinda feels like it adds to the constant demonization of these disorders (like. going "this character is bipolar because they killed someone on a whim" is Not Great to say the least) without any regard to how it affects the real people who live with them

[anonzentimes]

*guy who loves talking about despair disease voice* wait can we talk more about despair disease. i have so many thoughts on despair disease and esp how it pertains to nagito

i feel like when a lot of people first play/watch the games they see nagito as someone who lies to manipulate people, which while i can’t super blame them for thinking that way bc of how hajime tries to reconcile his conflicting feelings over nagito, i get SO frustrated when ppl call nagito a liar bc no!!! no he’s not!!! you’re falling for other characters’ perceptions of him!!! nagito almost never lies and when he does he’s either really bad at it (cough cough final FTE. “i got it all from a book” you are not slick buddy) or comes clean as soon as he’s achieved his desired outcome- it’s more bluffing than actual deception, and one thing he’s especially sincere in is his beliefs and admiration for the people around him. and the despair disease PROVES this without a doubt!!

ok. i know in-text the despair disease is described as “reversing people’s personalities,” but i’ve always interpreted it a little differently. ibuki isn’t the opposite of gullible, akane isn’t the opposite of a coward, and nagito isn’t the opposite of a liar. to me, it’s always seemed like the despair disease gives its host the trait they’d most hate to have— whatever trait would instill in them the deepest despair. ibuki hates conformity- stick her with a disease that makes her blindly follow whatever she’s told. akane hates showing weakness- force her into a state of constant crying. nagito hates the idea of deceiving his classmates- make him incapable of being sincere. this interpretation makes mikan’s disease make a little more sense too imo, since remembering her brainwashing isn’t exactly reversing her personality but instead literally filling her to the brim with despair. ANYWAYS.

nagito Actively Despises not being able to tell the truth. he hates the despair disease, he sees it as a complete waste. in the ult. luck and hope and despair mangas, we actually get to see some of his internal monologue right before he passes out, and he is In Hell. he’s pissed that he can’t serve as a proper stepping stone in his state, he thinks the whole disease is stupid, and he gets so frustrated about not being able to properly encourage the group that he Literally Starts Foaming At The Mouth ????? like if you EVER wanted undeniable proof that nagito is sincere look at the despair disease. it’s basically a roundabout truth serum for him and that’s a huge part of why it’s one of my favorite motives

sidenote i feel like the despair disease has a shit ton of analysis potential in general just bc of how it turns characters into what they hate the most!! i loveeee brainstorming what symptoms certain characters would have gotten were they to get infected. hajime especially. maybe he’d get a fawning disease where he starts praising everyone nagito-style (this would highlight their bystander parallels and also make hajime feel MISERABLE bc he fucking hates when nagito points out how similar they are lmao). or maybe he’d get an apathy disease that’d essentially izuru-fy him (wonderful foreshadowing potential there, not to imagine the incredible angst of izuru being the thing hajime would hate to be most in the world.) alas i am not a fanfic author so i will sit with my concepts but it is a wonderful daydream with any dangan characters i’d highly recommend it :]

YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESSSS!!!!! I SCREAM IN UNISON WITH YOU I LOOOVEEE THE DESAIR DISEASE!!!!! MAN… I’M SO OBSESSED WITH HOW YOU INTERPRET AND ARTICULATED THE DESPAIR DISEASE💗💗💗 The Despair Disease is genuinely so good for analyzing I really do believe Danganronpa 2 Chapter 3 is the best Chapter 3 out of the franchise. I think the reserving of their personalities truly meaning the traits they would hate to have is soo good I’m eating up, sealing it in my heart, and using it forever such a delightful way to explain it. The interpretations on what disease Hajime would get is so fun, I’ve seen some people interpret him getting the honesty disease which is fun in concept but I don’t think it works as well as other ideas could, y’know? Your ideas for a potential apathy or fawning disease are really fun to me, I like the idea of the fawning disease tapping into how much of a realist he is and giving him the opposite attitude Lol. Thank you so much for sending this it’s so fun I’ll be thinking about this forever, I wish I was a fanfic writer aha! I really want to become a fanfic writer, soon with time I suppose. Thank you again for sharing your daydreams with me, you’re very right it does have a lot of analysis potential! :D

[this-isajokerjoke]

luna, neville, and ginny head canons

neville being chubby

ginny being tall and skinny with no curves lol

ginny has so. many. freckles. 

both ginny and neville have a crush on luna at one point

luna being completely unaware but also has a crush on neville and ginny at different points

ginny hexing people who tease luna or neville

“lulu” “gin” “nev”

ginny having trauma from being possessed and having nightmares and panic attacks

neville being really insecure

luna and ginny help him and give him pep talks

luna still grieves her mother

luna has a collection of increasingly strange jewelry and is never seen without some on

luna holding both their hands

nev infodumping abt plants

neville names his plants

neville learns to braid hair

NEVILLE REALIZING HIS WORTH 🗣️🗣️

luna is fucking insane and neville and ginny adore it

like marbles = lost insane

she’s smart in her own way tho

shes hella perceptive and emotionally intelligent

ginny protecting luna and neville always and forever

neville fucks a guy up for calling luna insane tho (he does not feel bad despite his two weeks worth of detention) 

yet neville still feels bad when people run into him??

luna not giving a shit

she fully knows ppl think she’s weird

she thinks it’s really funny actually

sometimes she’ll say something batshit just to see people’s reactions

autistic neville moment???

luna glaring at people who make fun of ginny or neville

luna making elaborate gifts, like sculptures and mugs and paintings for her friends, and they’re the most detailed and specialized for neville and ginny

artistic luna!

neville is very gryffindor, and the only reason his sorting took a little longer was because he argued for hufflepuff, which the hat didn’t really agree with

similarly, luna is very ravenclaw, but she let the hat put her there immediately 

ginny was only considered for slytherin for a few seconds, and went pretty quickly to gryffindor

[lesbianwyllravengard]

Tired of ppl erasing Leon's flaws. Anyway, resident evil 4 remake analysis:

The funny thing with the remake is, they didn't actually write out Leon's misogyny from the og; they simply recontextualised it. He no longer says "following a lady's lead just isn't my style", but he DOES say "maybe you aren't heartless after all" to a woman who's saved his life and the life of Ashley countless of times. Hell, Ada is the reason Leon lives past Mendéz, she's the reason he finds Ashley again, she's the reason he is able to find anything in that place, and he still has the audacity to act like she doesn't care, or worse, that she's completely heartless, just because he got his wittol feewings huwt.

Leon's so selfishly caught up in making it entirely personal, even when she established that it wasn't, that he's letting his butthurt feelings literally warp his perception of her into something monstrous. He is quite literally the "one woman wronged me in the slightest way so I will distrust and despise her forever but actually it was just my entitled ass demanding more than she ever consented to give" kind of incel. All she did was kiss him in re2r, she NEVER said it meant anything, or that - fucking hell - she'd be committing to him in any way. I mean the very fact that she should have shot him to get the sample but didn't should be the biggest proof, to the audience and to Leon, that she truly cares and just didn't want him to get caught up in her work, which she actively recognises is not morally sound work.

Also, Leon never once stopped to care about or consider her own turmoil about it?? Every time they talked it was about his feelings and his sense of betrayal and "or are you just using me again", it was never about her. She cares more about him than he cares about her and it breaks my heart. He only cares about himself in this situation, he only cares about how Ada's actions affected him through his own lens, he only cares about his own hurt and doesn't stop for a second to consider hers. He doesn't see Ada as her own person, he sees her for what she could do for, or to, him. He sees her as a projection of who he wanted her to be, not as a person. And that's misogyny at its core.

And as for the fans ignoring every wrong thing Leon has ever done, and instead hating Ada for doing nothing wrong, that too is misogyny :)

Edit to add: it's most clear in how Leon treats Krauser in the exact opposite way. Despite Krauser being a power hungry maniac who killed Luis in front of Leon, Leon still appeals to Krauser's honour, he still tries to put himself in Krauser's shoes and says he "understands" the pain and betrayal Krauser must have felt. And these are all normal, natural reactions to seeing someone you used to respect and admire fall short. But the point is, he reacts this way with Krauser because he saw Krauser as a human being capable of good, whereas he only saw Ada as a projection of who he wanted her to be, and when she wasn't actually like that, he hated her for it.

Capcom's misogyny infects everything they make, and while they genuinely tried making Leon no longer misogynistic, this kinda thing still slipped through because Capcom only sees Ada as a romantic extension of Leon.

Edit again: Another thing is that just because you might think something is in character for Leon/makes sense for him to feel/act a certain way, that doesn't inherently mean he's right to. Like, Leon's an unreliable narrator a LOT of the time - anyone who has survivor's guilt like he does is gonna be. Just because you think it "makes sense" or you understand why he'd be upset, doesn't mean he's in the right to treat Ada the way he did. Leon was also understandably upset with Krauser and his actions, even saying Krauser "won't get away with this", and yet he still approaches Krauser with respect, and tries to empathise with Krauser's experiences. I just need people to understand that this double standard from Leon is obvious and misogynistic, that's all.

[narwhalandchill]

okay so. skirk thoughts

first of all: as much as her design is still just kind of an ehhh compared to what couldve been, i do think it looks so much better in the actual game. the sfx in her arms and legs in particular helps a Lot imo. still not a massive fan but given i already loved the hair+eyes as well as the general color scheme, im warming up to it. still unfortunate we didnt get something more ambitious but i can live with this lmao

personality wise i actually really love how they went about her? its a little unexpected but skirk really has that abyss autism rizz to her JSJSIDISGFK love it. like this really isnt someone used to any manner of regular human interactions and it shows. i really like how blunt and utterly unfazed she is even when dropping some insane lore bombs bc theyre just peanuts to her. shes just completely unlike any character from any faction weve encountered before and i rly love the energy they gave her

i also found her little ramble about the value of life and death pretty interesting. it almost makes it sound like she considers herself dead in some way? with how she talks about there being no point in holding onto the bonds and remains of dead things and how this personal philosophy of hers is why she never comes to the surface anymore. like huh. whats up with that.

it also really reminds me of how an underappreciated aspect of childes characterization imo is how like. Incredibly insistent he is on staying alive being the most valuable thing? like this comes up Repeatedly in his voicelines. and now we have skirk literally talking about how to live is in itself a blessing. like i am Not buying this being coincidental at all. so unless they physically disprove me in this somehow down the line im taking this as 100% proof that childes high regard for life is Directly imparted to him through skirks teachings. and thats really interesting to think about.

and like. overall im quite happy with this glimpse of her character we have? i have bigger issues with the overall handling of the childe+narwhal+skirk segment of the AQ but those are narrative problems. skirk really stands out as a character and shes just. really fascinating AND funny as fuck in her nonchalance like. what an icon.

the only real unfortunate thing w her appearence specifically i think just has to do with the way her manner of speech and position as a narrator of dubious reliability to an extent is already leading to some. Quite unfortunate misreadings and/or taking the implications of her statements too far at face value. and i just know fandom will latch onto those forever 😭

(& jic i dont mean dubious reliability in the traditional unreliable narrator or like. lying or sth sense. just that her worldview is so alien and foreign to us that it should be taken into careful account before just blindly running off with any particular thing she claims)

like. firstly. the narwhal. ppl really dont seem to be catching onto how skirks perception of it as just a scuffed pet thats a hassle to manage isnt like. actually reflective of what a massive deal of an entity it is (read the boss fight quest item drop lore i am begging. or just wait for me to start narwhalposting JAJSKDK its coming 100%) 💀💀 what it DOES reflect more than anything is what an absolute maniac surtalogi (+ skirk by extension) has to be in order to claim a creature of this magnitude as a PET of all things. its also good to note that skirk herself readily admits both her highly unconventional view on most things AND that her master wont necessarily share any and all information with her - more so what he thinks is pertinent for her to know. her assessment of the narwhal as a nuisance of a task for a disciple isnt really reflective of the ultimate big picture HSJDKDKSK though it is very funny i have to admit.

im just preemptively annoyed and frustrated by it already bc its highkey giving azhdaha all over again where 99% of fandom just dismissed his deeper lore bc they took the storytellers claims of zhongli creating him at complete face value. like to the point hoyo had to literally add a whole segment at the end of the chasm interlude where zhongli more or less directly wink wink nod nods that a career entertainer isnt giving you the most accurate lore on this stuff 😭😭 like please. ive had the tears from among the stars lore fucking HAUNTING me ever since i first read it. its not just a silly pet whale im hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

and secondly. people really jumping the gun on "haha skirk thinks childe weak" when she was... quite literally speaking in past tense JSJSKDKSISKDK thats ajax 14 not the current state of things. while i do agree skirks power level is still way above his to the point i absolutely do think she considers him weak from her standpoint & ways off from his true potential, id also just.... like to point out that she pretty much confirms that her view of his competence has very much changed too? like please yall

skirk, who in all the years post ajax' 3 day abyss trip made NO effort to contact or keep up with him whatsoever and stated that her disciple wasnt worth even speaking to in the past has now LITERALLY voiced the intent to assign him the task of being a messenger between herself (possibly even surtalogi) and neuvillette. and she has made it VERY clear that she views the communication between herself and neuvillette (and traveler too) as one between equals?

this isnt her assigning childe some irrelevant side quest to keep him busy but actually utilizing him for a task she takes at least relatively seriously. like wdym she still considers him the exact same as before 😭😭😭😭 like obviously childes far off from being regarded as anywhere near an equal by skirk bc SHES just that insanely powerful but seriously. to me this is as clear an acknowledgement of his growth on her part as we will get JSJSKDKFKSKDKJ

but alas. everyone loves a "ha ha childe so weak XDDDD" like they just never wanna let that one go. Man

anyway still rly like skirk!!! all im Really hoping for in the future Especially w how i feel the 4.2 narrative while overall brilliant really sidelined and mishandled the potential and gravity of the narwhal side of things is that like. PLEASE let the interlude be the continuation to this 3rd descender n skirk n childe abyss situation i am so fucking tired of khaenri'ah and the abyss order im sorry lmao

also itll be like 4 years before we ever see her in Real action as a combatant but i am already So hype to see that. especially since her powers are so abyssal and alien in nature like thats going to be So gourmet i just know it.

[gold-rhine]

Repost bc my previous blog got shadowbanned.

Diluc

Diluc’s love language is Doing Things For You, which ranges from just generally being useful to dealing with problems and being protective, sometimes overbearingly, but what he himself recognizes as love language are specifically Grand Gestures.

Caveat: Grand Gestures do not mean “expensive”, Diluc has so much money that he doesn’t see spending it as something special, no matter how much.

Grand Gestures are also not something done publicly, Diluc likes to keep his most important things secret.

No, Grand Gesture has to be a) done for the specific person only b) by Diluc himself c) require considerable effort from him.

Examples: creating a cocktail for someone and asking them to name it (high friendship teapot), climbing mountains on his own birthday to collect rare berries and then cook a special dish with them for dinner (birthday letter).

The problem is that with these conditions it might sometimes be difficult to realize that the Grand Gesture is happening, bc Diluc himself is not gonna tell you. Sometimes you can deduce from context that he spent a lot of effort on it, but the context won’t always be obvious.

He’s constantly giving himself mental grades for everything he does, and especially for Grand Gestures, and unless the person he’s doing it for explicitly compliments him on a good job, he’s gonna decide he failed by default and forever remember how he disappointed his loved one.

(I will never get over the coffeeshop event where he was like “when I mixed my first drink as a small child, my father didn’t tell me that I succeeded, which means I failed a test of creativity.” MB YOUR DAD JUST WANTED U TO PLAY WITH SYRUPS FOR FUCKS SAKE)

So yeah, its better to err on the side of more “good jobs”. The man has a praise kink the size of Mond’s cathedral anyway, so can’t go wrong with that

Thoma

Thoma’s love language is also doing things for you, but specifically small everyday things.

He’s very perceptive and great at reading ppl, so he notices what you like and dislike, and accordingly surrounds you with your favorite things and removes annoyances.

It might sometimes require a lot of effort on his part, but he’ll never say it

Like you can mention that you love some rare jam at the cafe and next week it’s at your home and Thoma’s like “haha yeah, I found a place that sells it:)”, but actually he had to make three different deals and blackmail a merchant bc its not normally sold in shops

Your biggest cheerleader, incredibly supportive in all of your endeavors, if you have a deadline or big project coming up will try to do everything so you can focus on your thing with most comfort

Source: have you met him?

He also can find positives in any situation and will try to improve your mood if you’re feeling down

Like, what are you gonna do, NOT smile and feel better when he gives you a kitten in a knitted sweater?

Each separate thing might be small, but together they all create a protective golden bubble of warmth and positivity, that significantly improves your quality of life, even at the moments when he’s not around himself

Bc like you go to make tea and there’s your favorite tea, and your favorite jam, and the leaking water pipe was fixed without you even noticing, and there are fresh-baked cookies shaped like hearts and puppies

An off-field pyro shield, you might say adfhjkdfg

He also likes showing you his favorite places and just generally sharing nice moments together, esp if he thinks you need a break (hangout, high friendship teapot)  

Xiao

Xiao is a weird case, because he sees himself only valuable as a weapon, so he doesn’t think that trying to do something nice for other people would lead to anything good.

“You believe a Yaksha who knows nothing more than how to massacre countless souls and emerge unscathed is a suitable mentor for such an individual?” and so on and so forth.

So like the closest he gets to love language is actually this:

“If you awake to a knife at your throat, if monsters dig their claws into you, if death comes knocking at your door, call out my name. Adeptus Xiao. I will be here when you call.” “If you encounter a difficult situation, don't be stubborn. Call my name. I will make it right.” “I deal in death. If you cannot bring yourself to kill — speak my name.” “I'm willing to protect you. But don't think about getting close, and stay out of my way, or all that awaits you is regret.”

Which is not just protectiveness, but like his specific brand of willingness to blacken his soul even more so you don’t have to, while getting nothing in return. So yeah, even Xiao’s love language is basically angst lmao.

Though to be fair, once he gets over the fact that someone likes his company, he becomes curious and goes out of his way trying to understand them. He doesn’t see this as an expression of affection, more as a research, because it’s easier for him to rationalize it like that.

“It's too late. The connection between us is too strong. Even if you wanted to, it's too late to sever it. Hm? You've never thought to sever it? *sigh* This eternal dance of demon subjugation... My fight goes on. But I would like to know more about you.“

And the high friendship teapot dialogue, where he asks to go to Liyue together “The stories of these times, or their joys... If I don't experience such things myself, it'll be hard to understand your thoughts. So... you're doing this for me?  Xiao: Yes, to understand you.”

So he starts going out of his comfort zone to do things together (tho probably grumbling the whole way)

Kaeya

Like in most aspects, Kaeya contains multitudes. On the one hand, he is a hedonist.

Kaeya:  I have to say, though, that chatting with you is quite intoxicating... Kaeya: Actually, in much the same way that drinking is. Kaeya: So, I suppose... I'm just greedy and want to enjoy both of these pleasures at the same time.

So all in all, I'm just another layer in your cocktail of pleasure? Kaeya: Hahaha... What an interesting metaphor! I hadn't looked at it from that angle... Kaeya: Let me think... Kaeya: Hmm... Your analogy seems largely correct.

He will want to create moments combining as many pleasurable things as possible, but he will want to know that he is the most enjoyable thing for you in a situation.

In a boring\shitty situation, unlike Thoma who will try to find positives in it, Kaeya will try to become a positive thing that offsets bad parts himself

He’s naturally charming and talkative, likes making compliments and teasing, finding out things about other people, hearing you talk about your day and share problems (“Nothing would make me feel prouder than knowing that my words of advice are of some help to you. That would imply that you trust me and proves that I am capable of helping you solve your problems.” - it might sound exaggerated, but it actually isn’t, I’ll get to that)

He also loves storytelling and has a knack for it (second birthday letter where he offers to entertain with stories, ghost anecdotes, loves telling stories to kids, obv to Klee, but apparentely just likes telling fucked up scary stories to Mond’s children, Kaeya, just become a horror writer and stop giving kids nightmares ffs)

So he likes telling stories, from horror stories to life anecdotes he’s got from the tavern to retelling the books he’s read, and he’s funny and imaginative enough to make anything sound entertaining.

In sum, Kaeya’s love language is literally enjoying each other’s company, settling in a nice place with a bottle of wine and talking hours away about everything and anything, and knowing he can keep you happy and entertained

On the other hand, as i’ve said, he is a book nerd and he loves sharing knowledge. He has to hide his origins, and he obv hates it, and as an off-set he likes sharing his experience.

Like, Kaeya prioritizes giving advice and teaching what he knows to someone to help them learn how to deal with a thing instead of just doing it himself, so they can handle it even if they leave him later. The “give man one fish, teach man to fish” philosophy.

Sources: wrote “rules for survival” for Klee, “In fact... would you like me to compile a guide for you...?  It would contain all kinds of practical knowledge for at home and on the road, including the techniques I have developed for communicating with people from all walks of life. I'd like to share it all with you.”

idk how ppl think he’s just a shallow flirt, he literally offers to write a dedicated book for you unprompted, can you imagine how much effort, like??

But also imagine getting personalized “Manipulating People 101” in a beautiful handwriting asdfghjk what a nerd

No shit, if Klee was growing up at a normal rate, in her teens she’d have like 20 lovingly written textbooks like “How to use your innocent appearance to get away with anything”, “Calculating possible property damage from bombing,” “How to pin pyro damage on Darknight hero so Jean doesn’t get mad at you”.

He also likes doing nice things for ppl, but when he does nice things he likes to give credit to others or make it seem like he wasn't intending to do a nice thing and it just *happened* to end up like that, for like variety of reasons that i'm not getting into rn bc it's already too long lmao

[yappacadaver]

and again you literally can't even be mad that he's so scared to die... man knows hell is real + he is going there when he dies!!!! unless he can find a way to fix this situation, the true nature of which the audience still isn't entirely aware o_o

like ig i must be in the minority of fans for completely 100% sympathizing with him when it's supposed to be morally kind of ambiguous and also he's definitely abusing the player character which colors a lot of people's perceptions of him but like my god dude. hell is real and is the place you're going for all of eternity when you die and you are in life/death kinda danger with increasing frequency as you grow older, and it expands to include endangering everyone around you and potentially getting them sent to hell as well... do you give up and die and get sent to the mommy's rotting flesh dimension forever or do you try to extend your time on earth as long as you can in search of a way to make the demons leave ppl the fuck alone?

[povestotrischane]

basic mecha vn adaptation details:

- it'll be an eroge for a variety of long and complicated reasons which basically boil down to "the public perception of vn genre has been heavily sanitized in the west, western vns are notorious for being #notlikeothervns and the words "western vn" are mainly used derogatorily, by harkening back to the legacy of classic eroge such as f/sn, tsukihime, fmdm or fucking. i don't know. rance. i feel i'd better attract fans of the genre + combat the increasing sanitization of vns, seen in Every Mainstream VN Release In The West and in increasingly in the japanese market as well (i HATE f/sn realta nua. i'm not saying nasu is good at writing h-scenes or w/e (he's cartoonishly bad at it actually) but i am saying that it's A Choice to take hf, the route about sex and sexuality and the sex = death trope, and get rid of all the h-scenes) + weed out ppl who think ddlc is soooo messed up and genuinely. would not be able to handle 10 minutes of idk. higurashi or smthing" with a side of "ofc sex and sexuality are important thematically, tf do you think i am?"

- 4 routes. gawaine is the narrator. it goes priamus -> ysabelle -> lancelot -> ragnelle. sgatgk doesn't happen until route 4. route 1 is a bit expository and is ultimately about gawaine's political machinations/two-faced-ness, modred stabs the shit out of him a la the alliterative morte in the end. route 2 is basically about gawaine doing whatever the fuck he wants forever, do his actions have consequences? eh. does he want to fuck his mecha? probably. is it more complicated than that but takes a while to articulate? yeah lol. route 3 is about uhm. obsession. it's the remarkable route and gawaine is a total freak idk what to tell you he's so abnormal in this one. route 4 is a straight up horror route in which gawaine IS naturally the perfect chivalrous knight who would never do anything he's done throughout the rest of the vn and also galahad levels of repressed. something is deeply wrong. renard the fox is there. overarching themes surround desire, indulgence/repression, chivalry, idealism, sex and sexuality.

- ok time for actual lore stuff. gringolet and galatine are the same thing. and by that i mean gawaine's mecha is galatine, in the same way that lancelot's is secace and arthur's is excaliber, etc. but also. galatine is gringolet, because he stole gringolet from the saxons and quickly decided to officially rename it to that of the mecha he's Supposed to have bc he's not stupid. the thing is, gringolet is uhm. an organic lifeform! (think nge or darling in the franxx) and sentient! and gawaine and gringolet are thus able to share a much deeper bond than anyone else in the round table and their mechas. the og galatine probably ended up being renamed to clarent and given to modred, for a mix of reasons (tie up loose ends, a mecha is a lot harder to sneak around than a sword + why would there be a ceremonial mecha? things have to be rewritten here, leads to there only being one sister mecha to excaliber, makes an easily identifiable symbol of modred and gawaine's relationship for when the inevitable fratricide comes up).

- the ladies of the lake are ais, the du hautdeserts are either robots, humonculi, or one of each, magic and technology are kinda blended to the point where pointing out the difference is kinda pointless

- aggravaine beheads lamorak for thematic reasons which come down to "damn. there seems to be a pattern with his brothers and weird psychosexual issues regarding beheadings. how would that apply to him." and uhm. lamorvaine real.

- the current state of arthur's kingdom is uhm. kinda in a bit of disrepair. like even the richest of the rich don't have the best conditions available. the world is practically covered in a thin layer of rust.

- most countries are planets (occasionally they'll also include like. nearby asteroids / moons / w/e), the names + uniforms used/worn by the knights change based on what planet they're on, in writing and in international diplomacy, they always go back to their latin names though

- tristan pilots a dogfighter instead of a mecha bc 1. he's an archer and 2. mechas are reserved for round table knights

- knights are wayyyy more likely to getting into classic sword/lance/fist/bow fights than actual duels

- morale kinda sucks in the round table as a natural result of (thematic reasons)

- uhhhhm i can't think of anything else rn

[appleflavoredkitkats]

thank u for enabling me

(note that im talking abt these figures as characters in a musical and not the real ppl behind them ok)

first thing; i will never ever forgive how warped the general perception of eliza is in fan spaces. most fans characterize her as Correct and demure and perfect and underserving of all the bullshit hamilton put her through. and while i agree hamilton should have had the basic decency to care for his family, eliza's character has a general theme of: stop aspiring, let's be content with what we have right now.

like, she has motifs similar to burr and NO ONE talks about it. as in NO ONE. she in more than one occasion talks about focusing on the now, and being generally apolitical? and duh, if angelica is meant to mirror hamilton, it makes sense eliza mirrors burr in a way.

eliza's famous lines = "look around look around how lucky we are to be alive right now" and "look at where we are, look at where we started, the fact that you're alive is a miracle, just stay alive and that would be enough". doesn't that sound familiar? like perhaps, burr's "i'll wait here and see which way the wind will blow, i'm taking my time watching the afterbirth of our nation watching the tension grow" like hm. HM. and even in the cut song "let it go", her father loses his seat as senator and eliza's all! haha let it go it's not that serious lawl!

and we need to talk about how these two views legacies in two different ways, bc it's important not just to pad up my theory of them being foils, but important also to understand like. the general theme of hamilton. too many people claim that the theme of hamilton is legacy, and while there is truth to that, there's still something missing.

hamilton never, EVER, mentions in the musical that he's pursuing a legacy just because he as an individual person wants to be remembered. that's burr. the entire first half of the musical establishes why hamilton wants a legacy, and that is to build a nation with an good system that's everlasting. it's in that prosperity and hope does hamilton find purpose in instating a legacy. that's why he is described to he a heavy worker throughout— he wants his time on earth to be worth it.

if he were to just want a legacy because he wants to be remembered as a cool guy, then who lives who dies who tells your story becomes SO cheap. like, usually in medias portraying legacy, the moral is to make the character realize being remembered forever isn't realistic or ideal. you should just be content with what you have. but in hamilton, we end with eliza desperate to keep hamilton's legacy, and that would only be fulfilling as an ending if hamilton's legacy is more than just being remembered as a cool dude.

now, why do i bring this up? it's because eliza's perception of hamilton's legacy is OPPOSITE to how he views it.

that is why she constantly berates him for wanting more and more. her character is meant to feel apolitical. don't you feel it??? she's a character content with the Now. she's not just helpless because she's Demure Historical Woman Character #93848, she's written that way because it's such a perfect foil to what hamilton wants to establish.

take a break and burn are big examples showcasing how eliza misinterprets what he wants. yes, hamilton should take care of his family (i'll bring this back in a bit) but he is not a villain for wanting to work hard. he is part of the first official western-ideology-built usamerican government, of fucking COURSE he'll overthink. he's pitted against people who hate his ideas. hamilton as a character constantly has to make difficult moral decisions, choosing whether he wants to care for his family, or do something impactful for the government he works in to hopefully make a change that lives longer than his own life.

now i have to digress a little because i don't wanna just completely bash eliza's character to the ground, because she IS important. she is crucial because she achieves what burr could not. eliza's contentedness in the now is not bad, actually. her focus on family and close relations is also not bad.

before it's quiet uptown, eliza and hamilton had beliefs of two extremes. hamilton believes in overworking, political legacies, and the future, while eliza focuses on being content with the present and her personal spheres. in eliza, like i discussed throughout, we see it accumulate into her general apolitical nature. in hamilton, we see it in the destruction of his personal self, giving into maria and mixing his own son into his own politics.

it's quiet uptown is when both of them come to a compromise and forgive each other. later on, we see hamilton work late at night in best of wives and best of women, and for the first time, eliza seems to be more understanding of hamilton's need to work. on the other hand, hamilton openly thanks eliza for her care and patience, even if he can't accompany her right now. eliza and hamilton, despite holding two opposite beliefs, finds a middle ground in a way he and burr could not.

this is especially emphasized at the end when eliza talks about fulfilling hamilton's legacy. she works harder than she ever had throughout the musical. not only does her protest against slavery + the establishment of the orphanage a testament to her appreciation of hamilton's ideals, but it's also a testament to her affirming her own, which is her unconditional love to her close family and friends. she did this all because she loves hamilton ("in your eyes i see you alexander") and DO YOU SEE THE VISION. she is a foil but ends up becoming a mixture of both hamilton and burr's ideologies in a way burr, again, couldn't.

tldr; eliza is a good character y'all stop devaluing her role in the musical bc she's a woman thanks

sorry to bring up hamilton the musical but do u guys ever think about how hamilton and eliza are foils as much as hamilton and burr are or

[rhine-gold-archive]

I know you don’t usually write this kind of thing, so feel free to ignore if it’s not something you’re interested in

What would Diluc, Thoma, Xiao, and Kaeya’s love languages be?

I can write you some analyses, if you don’t mind that it’s quick and rough haha. also, tumblr doesn’t let me insert read more for some reason, i’m sorry for length??

Diluc

Diluc’s love language is Doing Things For You, which ranges from just generally being useful to dealing with problems and being protective, sometimes overbearingly, but what he himself recognizes as love language are specifically Grand Gestures. 

Caveat: Grand Gestures do not mean “expensive”, Diluc has so much money that he doesn’t see spending it as something special, no matter how much. 

Grand Gestures are also not something done publicly, Diluc likes to keep his most important things secret. 

No, Grand Gesture has to be a) done for the specific person only b) by Diluc himself c) require considerable effort from him. 

Examples: creating a cocktail for someone and asking them to name it (high friendship teapot), climbing mountains on his own birthday to collect rare berries and then cook a special dish with them for dinner (birthday letter).

The problem is that with these conditions it might sometimes be difficult to realize that the Grand Gesture is happening, bc Diluc himself is not gonna tell you. Sometimes you can deduce from context that he spent a lot of effort on it, but the context won’t always be obvious. 

He’s constantly giving himself mental grades for everything he does, and especially for Grand Gestures, and unless the person he’s doing it for explicitly compliments him on a good job, he’s gonna decide he failed by default and forever remember how he disappointed his loved one. 

(I will never get over the coffeeshop event where he was like “when I mixed my first drink as a small child, my father didn’t tell me that I succeeded, which means I failed a test of creativity.” MB YOUR DAD JUST WANTED U TO PLAY WITH SYRUPS FOR FUCKS SAKE)

So yeah, its better to err on the side of more “good jobs”. The man has a praise kink the size of Mond’s cathedral anyway, so can’t go wrong with that.

Thoma

Thoma’s love language is also doing things for you, but specifically small everyday things. 

He’s very perceptive and great at reading ppl, so he notices what you like and dislike, and accordingly surrounds you with your favorite things and removes annoyances.

It might sometimes require a lot of effort on his part, but he’ll never say it

Like you can mention that you love some rare jam at the cafe and next week it’s at your home and Thoma’s like “haha yeah, I found a place that sells it:)”, but actually he had to make three different deals and blackmail a merchant bc its not normally sold in shops 

Your biggest cheerleader, incredibly supportive in all of your endeavors, if you have a deadline or big project coming up will try to do everything so you can focus on your thing with most comfort

Source: have you met him?

He also can find positives in any situation and will try to improve your mood if you’re feeling down

Like, what are you gonna do, NOT smile and feel better when he gives you a kitten in a knitted sweater?

Each separate thing might be small, but together they all create a protective golden bubble of warmth and positivity, that significantly improves your quality of life, even at the moments when he’s not around himself

Bc like you go to make tea and there’s your favorite tea, and your favorite jam, and the leaking water pipe was fixed without you even noticing, and there are fresh-baked cookies shaped like hearts and puppies

An off-field pyro shield, you might say adfhjkdfg

He also likes showing you his favorite places and just generally sharing nice moments together, esp if he thinks you need a break (hangout, high friendship teapot)  

Xiao

Xiao is a weird case, because he sees himself only valuable as a weapon, so he doesn’t think that trying to do something nice for other people would lead to anything good. 

“You believe a Yaksha who knows nothing more than how to massacre countless souls and emerge unscathed is a suitable mentor for such an individual?” and so on and so forth.

So like the closest he gets to love language is actually this:

“If you awake to a knife at your throat, if monsters dig their claws into you, if death comes knocking at your door, call out my name. Adeptus Xiao. I will be here when you call.” “If you encounter a difficult situation, don't be stubborn. Call my name. I will make it right.” “I deal in death. If you cannot bring yourself to kill — speak my name.”  “I'm willing to protect you. But don't think about getting close, and stay out of my way, or all that awaits you is regret.”

Which is not just protectiveness, but like his specific brand of willingness to blacken his soul even more so you don’t have to, while getting nothing in return. So yeah, even Xiao’s love language is basically angst lmao.

Though to be fair, once he gets over the fact that someone likes his company, he becomes curious and goes out of his way trying to understand them. He doesn’t see this as an expression of affection, more as a research, because it’s easier for him to rationalize it like that.

“It's too late. The connection between us is too strong. Even if you wanted to, it's too late to sever it. Hm? You've never thought to sever it? *sigh* This eternal dance of demon subjugation... My fight goes on. But I would like to know more about you.“

And the high friendship teapot dialogue, where he asks to go to Liyue together “The stories of these times, or their joys... If I don't experience such things myself, it'll be hard to understand your thoughts. So... you're doing this for me?  Xiao: Yes, to understand you.”

So he starts going out of his comfort zone to do things together (tho probably grumbling the whole way)

Kaeya

Like in most aspects, Kaeya contains multitudes. On the one hand, he is a hedonist. 

 Kaeya:  I have to say, though, that chatting with you is quite intoxicating...  Kaeya: Actually, in much the same way that drinking is.  Kaeya: So, I suppose... I'm just greedy and want to enjoy both of these pleasures at the same time. 

So all in all, I'm just another layer in your cocktail of pleasure? Kaeya: Hahaha... What an interesting metaphor! I hadn't looked at it from that angle... Kaeya: Let me think... Kaeya: Hmm... Your analogy seems largely correct.

He will want to create moments combining as many pleasurable things as possible, but he will want to know that he is the most enjoyable thing for you in a situation. 

In a boring\shitty situation, unlike Thoma who will try to find positives in it, Kaeya will try to become a positive thing that offsets bad parts himself 

He’s naturally charming and talkative, likes making compliments and teasing, finding out things about other people, hearing you talk about your day and share problems (“Nothing would make me feel prouder than knowing that my words of advice are of some help to you. That would imply that you trust me and proves that I am capable of helping you solve your problems.” - it might sound exaggerated, but it actually isn’t, I’ll get to that) 

He also loves storytelling and has a knack for it (second birthday letter where he offers to entertain with stories, ghost anecdotes, loves telling stories to kids, obv to Klee, but apparentely just likes telling fucked up scary stories to Mond’s children, Kaeya, just become a horror writer and stop giving kids nightmares ffs)

So he likes telling stories, from horror stories to life anecdotes he’s got from the tavern to retelling the books he’s read, and he’s funny and imaginative enough to make anything sound entertaining.

In sum, Kaeya’s love language is literally enjoying each other’s company, settling in a nice place with a bottle of wine and talking hours away about everything and anything, and knowing he can keep you happy and entertained

On the other hand, as i’ve said, he is a book nerd and he loves sharing knowledge. He has to hide his origins, and he obv hates it, and as an off-set he likes sharing his experience. 

Like, Kaeya prioritizes giving advice and teaching what he knows to someone to help them learn how to deal with a thing instead of just doing it himself, so they can handle it even if they leave him later. The “give man one fish, teach man to fish” philosophy. 

Sources: wrote “rules for survival” for Klee, “In fact... would you like me to compile a guide for you...?  It would contain all kinds of practical knowledge for at home and on the road, including the techniques I have developed for communicating with people from all walks of life. I'd like to share it all with you.”

idk how ppl think he’s just a shallow flirt, he literally offers to write a dedicated book for you unprompted, can you imagine how much effort, like??

But also imagine getting personalized “Manipulating People 101” in a beautiful handwriting asdfghjk what a nerd

No shit, if Klee was growing up at a normal rate, in her teens she’d have like 20 lovingly written textbooks like “How to use your innocent appearance to get away with anything”, “Calculating possible property damage from bombing,” “How to pin pyro damage on Darknight hero so Jean doesn’t get mad at you”.

He also likes doing nice things for ppl, but when he does nice things he likes to give credit to others or make it seem like he wasn't intending to do a nice thing and it just *happened* to end up like that, for like variety of reasons that i'm not getting into rn bc it's already too long lmao

[bakerolivias-archived]

just saw a take that klaus was incapable of love and there’s so much evidence to the contrary i don’t even know where to begin tbqh.

yes, he’s an ass, we’ve always been aware of this, and he does a lot of shitty things even to his own family, but klaus has always, always been able to love. he loves certain ppl so much and it shows through joseph’s stellar acting even when he commits the worst atrocities against them. he’s crippled by loneliness and paranoia and trauma bc he loved his abuser and all he ever got in return from his father was to be hunted down like a parasite or animal, diminished of his self worth.

klaus doesn’t want to be this way. he takes pleasure in the pain of others because he’s had it inflicted on himself, because it’s the only thing he knows, and he won’t make excuses for his actions because he’s not the type of person to justify his moral wrongdoings by playing the childhood abuse card. but he’s always wanted to be known and loved and understood, which contradicts his own self-destructive tendencies of bringing out the worst parts of himself and showing this to others, to ensure everyone he loves will one day leave him. he sees caring as a weakness, as putting too much power in another person’s hands, so he gains power through compulsion and sirebonds and all that bullshit mystical mumbo jumbo tvd pushed down our throats. he’d afraid of emotional bonds and afraid that others will be able to control him the way mikael did, by using it against him.

he has a lot of love inside of him. he executes this love poorly, expressing it through the worst forms of abuse which would in many contexts be unforgivable (and probably is in this context as well), but in his warped and twisted perception, he sees these actions as protecting. at heart he’s a protector and a madman, yes, but to him he has the best interests of family at heart.

because of his intense love and respect for the strong people in his life who aren’t afraid to tell him the hard truths (because really, what’s a better form of expressing love than honesty and wanting ppl to be better, for themselves if not for you) that he’s able to improve, to express his love in more healthy ways and it’s then that he finds affection reciprocated, from his family, from his friends, from caroline and cami and hayley and anyone he’s ever cared for. granted, it’s not their job to prioritize his growth and well being, but they chose to stay for him, because they know he loves them, and klaus reciprocates in return, committing acts of selflessness and kindness out of his own.

always and forever was his very first declaration of love, and no matter how fucked up his attempts at keeping this promise were, he stood by it. he viewed love as transactional and as a weakness until everyone taught him otherwise, and he asserts that love through his actions and through genuine respect.

[mizuurei]

pc miz and henrik were on the opposite ends of people enjoying a villain wrong fr you were there like "she's literally just a human person" and i was here like "he's not the good guy" like you'd think making them work together would make ppl like Get It, but, alas....

YOU RIGHT - YOU RIGHT! Henrik got hella woobified and Miz got demonized (and those few players that sided with her even a little were condemned as well jfc-)

It is amazing that PC Henrik got COMPLETELY declawed in the eyes of the players, I don’t know how that happened other than he happened to be a “canon” character who is generally perceived as a “good guy” by the fandom and so that characterization of him was assumed? Idk, I agree that I would have thought that having him and Miz (who is viewed as Worse than Satan) as coworkers (not even really, Henrik was her boss) would have been the connecting point that made the players realize that he’d done some shitty stuff and wasn’t really a good person. Or maybe bc he was dead we created a martyr/victim??? Idk man, it is a bit wild tho.

Like don’t me wrong, Miz, especially during PC, is a real piece of work, she’s down right nasty at points, but she’s much more than a mustache twirling villain. I developed her as a character to be a person - an antagonistic person, sure! - but ultimately she’s still a person. And c!Miz is a person with Internet literacy, so she didn’t share everything she’s ever thought or felt with the players, which also didn’t help with her being viewed at Actual Satan, but no one asked the right questions to get her to share more/get her emotional enough to slip up. I would be fascinated to know how many of the players went back through all her messages (like, back to her being part of Humanette) after the fact to see how she’s a normal person in an INCREDIBLY difficult and delicate position and it eventually wears down her patience. Then once she got to Marionette and everyone jumped on her immediately and fucking DESPISED her (although granted, probably rightfully so), she decided she wasn’t going to try and be civil with those who already had such a negative perception of her. Like, there’s a pretty clear progression lol

Anyway, long story short, PC Henrik and Miz are both three dimensional characters and I will forever be a bit salty about how players reacted to them sfjhajflsh

[kideternity]

jack wwbn. also peter parker

I don’t like peter enough to like, have actually created thoughts about him outside of my overall perception and how he treats other characters 😭 so im skipping him. BUT, for Jack-

-Overall opinion of them: light of my life he means everything to me. I know I say this for a lot of characters because a lot of characters mean everything to me but Jack does hold a very special place in my heart and that place is helping me accept liking men. His only flaw is being a 70s character because I keep forgetting how much I hate reading the word vomit of older comics and it’s one of the main things why I haven’t been able to finish ALL his appearances yet but godamn I will one day

– Gender/sexuality headcanons: GAY GAY HOMOSEXUAL GAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I refuse to see Jack as anything but gay he is into men he loves men len kaminski didnt write jack not finding girls attractive anymore for people to think he wants a GIRLFRIEND. Also has trans man and leather gay swag

– Favorite moment in canon: there’s a lot of them but probably this entire like epilogue panel from Len Kaminski's “Children of the night” and especially the line “I am something unique and wonderful.” Snif snif okay gayboy!!!

– Favorite moment in a fanwork: none because Jack ain’t got fucking fans 😭😭😭😭😭 IG this one like traditional drawing I saw one time where it was jack smiling hanging out with the midnight sons that was cute 🤔

– Favorite line, in canon or otherwise: Reiterating again here the line above ^ “I am something unique and wonderful.”

– Characters I love seeing them interact with: Jack unfortunately doesn’t interact with a lot of people but TBH even though he's seen as a meme rn I actually really really love Jack's friendship with Morbius the living vampire I think they’re such an incredibly endearing pairing they’re literally boy best friends in love forever. They've tried to kill each other five times. Also that one arc where he meets Danny Ketch ghost rider and it feels like He's giving him gay advice the entire time is funny LMAO I wish he got to interact more with some of the larger marvel universe and other horror themed characters like Blade he like kinda gets slotted in a box of only getting to interact w ppl who show up in anything he's also in syndrome

– Last thing before sleeping headcanons: IDK what the fuck this one means. Howl at the moon perhaps for fun

– Sleeping habits headcanons: Insert Howling at the moon here too. This is kinda based on one story he was in but I think Jack also is a very extreme late night snacker

– First thing after waking up headcanons: I- I guess go to the bathroom get cleaned up????? Like a normal person?????? I dont get these last few questions but okay fine whatever

– Favorite locations headcanon: Jack tends to travel a lot in my experience but I imagine he's probably fond of his hometown still as well as any sort of very lush, forested area. Probably places with a lot of gas stations and car/bike culture too because he was like a literal biker in the 90s. They should let Jack go back to Romania I bet he'd fucking love it there. Chilling in the mountains you know

This wasn’t apart of the questions im just slotting it in here but they should have let Jack be the xkids Gym teacher btw back when the xmen were cool and actually had the academy still literally IDC IDC He'd be a good teacher he'd tell them to love themselves and to kill cops

[drdemonprince]

i guess the thing i really dont understand about queer friend groups where everybody is fucking one another, or has fucked one another is, are most people attracted to the majority of their friends? or are most queer pppl just down to kinda fuck ppl they arent necessarily super viscerally into but just like, like as a person and a bud?

 *j*sse sing*l voice* whats the deal with bud sex 

im a very h0rny person but anytime someone starts talking about how they have fooled around w all their friends im like what the fuck how?

this has flummoxed me since like forever. in high school me and all my friends would get drunk in this girl Anita’s parents’ basement, and pretty quickly all my other friends would be wrestling drunkenly with one another, and stripping nude, and running around and making out etc. and the sexual tension in the room elicited in me such a visceral sense of unease and panic that i would pretend to be drunker than everyone else and slink off behind the couch and dissociate so hard from it all that i did actually pass out into sleep. like every single time. 

and then in college similar things would happen too -- i’d go out with some friends to this big farm house in the country that belonged to one person’s uncle, and everyone would get drunk and start lightly flirting with one another, and i would run away to hide in a spare bedroom or the basement or once, literally, the closet. 

a few years ago i was hanging out with a friend and he confessed to me that he was attracted to me, and thought he got the vibe from me that i was attracted to him as well, and he asked if i maybe wanted to fool around some time, if that was okay in the context of my relationship. i FROZE. flight or fight mode. total panic. i was not interested in this person. had never, ever thought of him in that way. and the fact he thought that i was made me feel insane. 

so i immediately launched into this defensive placating spiral, saying im sure that if he got some kind of vibe he must have been picking up on something, i didnt want to invalidate his perceptions, but it wasnt conscious to me, and i didnt know, i didnt know, i wasnt really doing anything like that with anybody, and i did not feel safe hooking up with friends. i did not even feel safe directly rejecting him. 

and he was chill about the whole thing and always has been since. but the pressure i felt in that moment, the panic that i would *have to give them something or risk being abandoned* hung over me for a long time afterward. thats always the feeling. and it is never rooted in the reality of the person or the friendship. but i just felt completely unmoored. because to be around someone is to be masked and trying to entertain them or keep things even keeled. cant even access what i want in those moments, unless i really really really trust the friend and am really close. 

but then! once! this same friend was flirty with me in an explicitly dominant way -- they asked if they could slap me on the ass while i was wearing my deer tail and grab my ass. and i was like :ahegao face: OKAY. and it was cute. that was an important clue. and this friend has leaned into teasing me for being a little imp and gremblin in recent weeks in a way that feels like -- power dynamic adjacent. and that feels way safer.  

a group of friends of mine have recently all started hooking up with one another and it just baffles me how that can just organically happen. like they’re all bi or pan and all switches and verse so they can all just kinda, fool around and it’s whatever. and i just cant imagine ever encountering a group of multiple people where i felt like that... i guess people like that can just, have sex? just like, fuck? and have that be fun? whereas for me i really do need power dynamics and fetish content to be in the room and in the air. i’m like demisexual but instead of emotional connection to experience attraction, i need there to be power dynamic shit in the room. 

like getting a train run on me by a literally uncountable number of strangers at steamworks was hot as fuck to me because there were degrading dehumanizing power dynamics built right into it. i was sent there by someone else, to be used and to follow certain rules. but a cuddly friendly orgy between friends at a hotel, like my friends were kind of trying to set up at a convention together last month? i wanted to be cool and on board but i was Scared man.and very relieved it did not happen. not only was it not hot to me it was Upsetting to think of. 

i know this is like, upside-down world queer community inside baseball to feel like insecure about this because it is far more normative in society and rewarded etc, but it is very confusing to me to be someone who is down for nonmonogamy but viscerally hates the idea of polyamory. many loves??? no fucking thanks. egalitarian meetings and calendars and managing others feelings in complex geometric ways? no. i would disappear. i would remove myself from the equation in a heart beat. i can never believe that in a situation where someone is pulled in multiple directions, that i would ever be their first choice or that my emotions rank. the whole friend-group-that-bangs dynamic that a lot of other queer ppl write about as being this lovely healing fluffy thing. to me it is just. so scary. i would become invisible. behind the couch, dissociated and passed out, forever. 

i guess i just am finally articulating for myself that... i really need to be rooted in a certain kind of power dynamic in order to feel okay and safe seggsually. something more “egalitarian” feels less safe to me. and something that isn’t intense, and is just casual fooling around without any of that? that is scarier to me. yeah. i think that’s basically it. even looking back on the oestensibly vanilla romantic relationships i have had throughout life, with the exception of one, there was always some implicit or play-pretend hierarchy or some structure, even if we didn’t call it kink stuff. in a supposedly even keeled relationship i dont feel free to actually be myself, sexually and romantically. it’s like how when employees at a workplace have unlimited sick days they never use any of them. if there arent guardrails then i have to imagine the cliffsides are about to swallow me up at any fuckin time, and make myself impossibly small. 

even just in a friendship, i feel a pressure to instead guess and perform what people want and to ask for nothing for myself. normal vanilla life me is just so masked, and so hell bent on making other people feel okay. some kind of dynamic-y stuff kind of needs to be in the room for me to relax and be present a bit. so even when a friendship kind of dances along the edge of some little dynamics even just in a jokey playful way it feels way safer, im also now just starting to discover. 

[movedthechangingman]

i cannot stand this man i really do think he is the worst writer dc has in terms of everything ive picked up by him BUT finding out t*m k*ng claimed he loves the orion solo is like.... how do you have such a completely fundamentally incorrect take on this character still. will also do a full writeup on this after i reread new gods/finish mr miracles comix

i found the interview where he talks about orion in MM and im like bro you should not have been allowed to write new gods ever. fucking awful. not even mentioning how bad his lightray characterization is or how dirty he did the other new gods/forever ppl

how do you read new gods and not know orion is older than scott??? he lived on apokolips! he was locked away alone/alone w granny/w his mom (depending on canon) for ~10 years before scott was even born. i think theres maybe 1 recap where they had him as a baby instead but got retconned within the same comic? (i think it was the same sequence that made lightray waaaaay younger which they also retconned within the same run) ( i have to reread new gods in full ) (honeslty i might even just be thinking abt the backstory n kings directors cut)

i have a few more orion issues to read (and a lot of scotts....) not to mention when have orion and scott ever.... actually fought........ like outside of idk - the pre crisis dream sequence scott has? and orions never to my knowledge ever implied scott hasnt suffered or wont understand (something he has gotten angry at another character over (lightray))

scott expresses that he respects orion. he defends orions obsession w defeating his father when helena wayne makes a Comment. in the JLI-tie in segment of mr miracle vol 2 orion brings up that scott is technically his brother but they never got to know eachother but wants to build that relationship. not to mention the end of the orion solo

like most i can think of orion questions scotts decision to give up godhood one point but simply tells him he doesnt understand. and scott at the very end of DotNG like does believe orion is the killer but immediately realizes his perceptions were being manipulated/the “evidence” was bullshit (and earlier in the comic snapped at clark&gideon for implying orion would betray them at all.... and thats from the writer who made orion a massive cunt in the first place)

ANYWAY i would like to see orion and scott be brothers again i really hate the interpretation that they hate eachother i think they have one of the most interesting sibling relationships in dc and i wish more writers actually cared about the new genesis new gods