#and from there it snowballed into generational trauma

[wreywrites]

Tiger Shark

Part 5: The Net

Chapter 27

None of us can believe how this turned out. Of all the ways for the reaping to go, this somehow seems the least fair. But there is nothing to be done now. And nothing is what we do. We spend the train ride in silence, we sit in our living quarters in the new Tribute Center in silence, we watch the replay of the reaping in silence. Cashmere and Gloss from One. Augustus deflates when they call his mentor’s name. Brutus and Enobaria from Two. She bares her teeth at the camera. Johanna, whose name is the only one in the District Seven female fishbowl. In Ten, the woman who didn’t get drawn—Rein, I think is her name—screams when they draw Beau. Alvan volunteers. And in District Twelve, Katniss and Peeta, and Haymitch volunteers.

Everyone goes to bed, but Finnick and I sit on the couch, watching a replay of Johanna’s Games. He reaches over, tapping on my leg, You have to trust me in there. There’s more going on. I can’t say, but you have to trust me. Stay with me.

I nod. Then suddenly, like we’ve never left, I stand up, go to the snack table, and retrieve the platter of cream cheese rolls, because of course they are there. I bring them back to the couch. Johanna goes on her rampage, and Finnick and I eat all the rolls.

~~~                               ~~~                               ~~~

We get the fish nets. I shouldn’t be surprised. Finnick takes it in stride. I am less confident, even when he assures me with a wink that I look good. He passes me a sugar cube, just like five years ago.

“Stay with me,” he says with an easy smile. “Just stay with me.”

I nod. I know what he means. I have never wanted to slip, but I know that I can’t now. Not anymore. It’s not just my life at stake—if I go blank at the wrong moment, that’s the end of Finnick too.

He gives me another sugar cube, and we go out into the waiting area with the chariots and the rest of the tributes.

Someone whistles, and I take half a second to compose myself. I am the Tiger Shark of Four. I look off to the right, and see Gloss.

In spite of all of it, a grin splits my face and I flash a wink back at him. He laughs and waves me over.

“Go on,” Finnick snorts. “I’ll catch up.”

He starts off toward the District Twelve chariot, and I head for Cashmere and Gloss. I only get halfway there when I see someone else I have to talk to.

Alvan and I have spent enough time together to be something like friends. And no one else quite understands what the two of us went through in the arena.

He smiles good-naturedly as I approach, then extends both arms to offer my choice of a handshake or a hug.

I opt for the hug, a little awkward around the light-up belt on his cow costume, but surely that makes it no more awkward than my fish net would on its own.

“I mean this in the nicest way, but we look ridiculous!” I laugh.

Alvan chuckles, a smile lifting one corner of his lips. “Well, ya look better’n me.”

“Thanks. I’m sure that’s what Marius was going for.” I do my best Marius impression. “‘I don’t care what we put them in, they just have to look better than Ten!’”

Alvan laughs, and it is maybe the first time I’ve ever heard him really laugh. He has a nice laugh, a good strong booming laugh that is surprising at first, but fits him perfectly upon inspection.

Then he shakes his head, still smiling, and says, “Ya better get goin’. I’d hate to be the one who held up our Tiger Shark.”

“See you after, then,” I grin as I walk away, on toward Gloss, who gives me what I can only describe as a friendly up-down as I approach. I return the favor. He’s not wearing much either, and he might be approaching thirty, but he’s still in fantastic shape.

“I see you finally ditched Finnick,” he smiles, leaning against the chariot.

I shrug. “Maybe I’m looking for someone a little… newer.”

Cashmere’s bright laugh rings out. “Not sure you’ll find what you’re looking for here. My aging brother just isn’t what he used to be.” She sighs dramatically as she looks off into the distance. “Any day now the Capitol will tell him his services are no longer required.”

I snort at Gloss’s pretended offense, then he rolls his eyes and says so quietly I barely hear him, “Wouldn’t that be horrible.”

Finnick appears next to me, handing me another sugar cube. “Talked to Katniss. She’s…”

Cashmere and Gloss raise opposite eyebrows, giving the hilarious illusion that their outside halves are two pieces of the same person.

“Boring,” Finnick says after some thought. But it’s almost a question, and there’s something strange in his eyes. “Or at least not nearly so interesting as you three.”

“Thanks, I guess,” Cashmere says, reaching for a sugar cube.

Finnick pulls them out of her reach. “Ah-ah-ah.” He pops one in his mouth, then does the same to me.

Five years ago that would have had me up the mast like those stupid strawberries, but now it’s just life.

He grins. “Close your mouth, honey, you’ll catch krill.”

Absently, I close my mouth, watching Finnick smile cheekily at Cashmere.

“You didn’t say please.”

Cashmere rolls her eyes. “I don’t think you made her say please.” She jerks her head in the direction Finnick came from, where apparently Katniss is.

Finnick shrugs. “Didn’t have to. She didn’t want one.”

“Is that the first time a girl has said no to you?” Gloss raises a playful eyebrow.

“It is…” Finnick looks thoughtful. “Not a pleasant feeling.”

The rest of us laugh, and then the anthem starts, signaling us back to our chariots.

“Good luck out there!” Cashmere calls, her clear laugh ringing out as she jumps into One’s chariot.

“You too!” Finnick laughs, grabbing my hand as we hurry back to our chariot with its iron gray horses. It’s a lot easier to run in the fishnets than it was to walk in the mermaid tails.

Before we can take too many steps, Finnick turns back. “Cashmere!”

She turns just in time to see him toss the sugar cube. Face split in a wild grin, she opens her mouth and catches it easily, then turns back to face the big doors as One’s white horses trot out onto Victor’s Way.

Finnick and I jog the rest of the way to our chariot. He springs up, then offers a hand back and pulls me in beside him.

Suddenly it all feels real again.

The horses start forward. I wonder if they’re the same ones from my Games.

My head whips around to look at Finnick before we pass the doors. “What now?” I whisper.

“Smile,” he says, already grinning smugly himself. “You’re the Tiger Shark. Show them your teeth.”

~~~                               ~~~                               ~~~

After the Parade, we watch Johanna snag an elevator with Haymitch, Katniss, and Peeta.

Finnick chuckles. “I can only imagine what she’s going to do to them.”

“Scare them finless, probably,” I say as we get in an elevator with Mags and Beck.

“Probably.”

We get out on Level Four of the new Tribute Center. I see now what I couldn’t put my finger on about it last night. It looks shinier than the old one. Sharper. Colder. All hard edges and glass.

But the same snack table, and the same plate of cream cheese rolls.

Finnick has already eaten two by the time I return from changing into shorts and an oversized sweater. He’s sitting on the couch, watching the pre-replay of the Parade, still in just the fish net.

I sit down next to him, take a bite of a cream cheese roll, and say, “Are you really going to keep wearing that?”

He glances down, then at me. “Yeah. Do you find it distracting?” He winks.

I roll my eyes. “Something like that.”

It is only a few more minutes until the Parade replay begins, but I can barely force myself to watch it. These are my friends. At the very least, these are people I know. How do you kill someone you know?

“Finnick…”

Thankfully, he seems to know what I want to ask but can’t find the words for.

“I would love to be allies with you, Annie Cresta. I think a good strategy for people of our skill level would be to go straight for the cornucopia. In our interviews, we need to remember who we were when we won, but also show the audience who we are now, and how we feel about being reaped again when they told us we were done.”

I nod. “Alright, Finnick Odair. That sounds like a plan to me.”

Five years ago, he told me most alliances break themselves. It was true then and it is surely true now, but I’m not going to worry about it yet. I have four more days with him before the arena, so I will live these last four days like there is no arena.

~~~                               ~~~                               ~~~

“So,” Beck says over breakfast the next morning, “any ideas on allies yet?”

Finnick shrugs. “Three’s never a bad idea. And I bet Haymitch will be shockingly useful. Ten.” He shrugs again and glances at me.

“Johanna,” I say.

Finnick nods. “Yeah, definitely Johanna. Other than them, we’ll see how today goes, I think. And you two, feel everybody out for us.”

Mags nods eagerly, Beck more reservedly.

We escort ourselves down to the Training Center.

Finnick is almost bouncing. “Think of all those shiny new toys.”

“Finnick…”

“Hey.” He puts a hand on my shoulder. “Don’t think about that. Think about all those shiny new toys. Spears nobody’s ever thrown. Rope that’s never been tied into a knot before. Think about that. This will be just like recess.”

The doors open to reveal less than half of the tributes gathering around the same woman from five years ago.

Just like recess.

~~~                               ~~~                               ~~~

Cashmere and Gloss are setting up hammocks. Why there is a station in here with anything resembling hammocks, I don’t know, but I don’t particularly care. I care even less when they wave me over, Gloss sitting up and making room for the two of us to sit next to each other as Cashmere lounges in the other. We watch everyone else for a while. No one seems particularly concerned with any of this. I know we are all planning last ditch attempts for our interviews. Until then, there is nothing to be done, so everyone who bothered to come down to the Training Center is either goofing off—Finnick tying a noose and pretending to hang himself in front of Katniss at the knot-tying station—or enjoying what they are already good at—Johanna throwing some axes in a manner that is much more recreational than “I’m planning to kill you all.” And then there are the three of us in the hammocks, chatting and watching the others.

When they call lunch, we drag all the tables together and sit as one big group, talking and laughing.

I cannot kill these people.

I tell Finnick as much that night as we watch a replay of his Games. There are tears in his eyes every time they show Leena. He doesn’t talk about her. He hasn’t since just after I won, when he told me how hard it is to go on, to keep moving forward, to keep living with what you’ve done and the people you’ve killed.

Beck says ever since the reaping, they have had a constant replay of the Games this year’s tributes won. Curiously absent, he and Mags have noticed, are Katniss’s Games last year, and the last Quarter Quell—Haymitch’s Games—which you would think would be their big-ticket item this year.

Finnick doesn’t answer. He blinks away more tears as he and Leena call off their alliance, and his hand drifts to my leg and he starts tapping. Won’t have to. Trust me. Stay with me, and we shouldn’t have to.

~~~                               ~~~                               ~~~

The next day, about eight of us decide now is as good a time as any to learn to juggle. Seeder knows, and Blight, and by lunchtime the rest of us are not too bad, though my mind is preoccupied with Zalea’s interview, when she said she could juggle eight oranges.

Over lunch at the tables we have once again pushed together, Gloss jokes about juggling for the Gamemakers for his one-on-one. None of us are taking that too seriously either. They know what we can do—or at least what we used to be able to do—and none of us want to be here, so why play their game? Why not play our own?

“Think I’ll weave something,” I say, with a glance at Finnick.

He nods. “I’d tell you to weave me a hammock and then I’ll nap for mine, but I have to go first.”

“Maybe you should weave and I’ll nap!”

Seeder laughs.

Throughout the afternoon, we all discuss what we are going to do. Haymitch jokes about mixing drinks for the Gamemakers. Beetee wants to try to build something that would play the anthem backwards and even launches into an explanation of how he’d do it, but he loses me somewhere along the way. Cashmere says she is going to string up a hammock and nap. Cecelia has several children’s books memorized and thinks she’ll just recite one of them. Alvan and Kivvie are talking about walking the Gamemakers through butchering a cow, which inspires Johanna to try to make a wood carving.

I’ll be amazed if they don’t kill us all before we get in the arena, just because we won’t play by the rules. But it might not be the worst thing that could happen.

~~~                               ~~~                               ~~~

The next day as we wait to be called in before the Gamemakers, everyone—even the people who haven’t been down to the Training Center yet—jokes about the useless things they will show off. Everyone except for Katniss, who seems confused by our camaraderie, but Haymitch says she’ll come around.

I don’t know when. We’re running out of time to all be friends. Once we’re in the arena… Well, I guess Finnick does want Haymitch as an ally. Maybe he and Katniss are a package deal.

Finnick and Johanna and I are laughing at Augustus’s expense, since he isn’t here to defend himself, when the voice calls, “Finnick Odair, District Four.”

He winks at me. “I hope they’re ready to hear the epic tale of Finnick and the octopus!” He’s out the door and I am laughing hysterically. I can only imagine him reenacting the whole story, probably with props and voices.

Johanna raises an eyebrow. “Finnick and the octopus?”

Still giggling, I say, “Yeah, you’ll have to ask him about it tonight. It’s a good one.”

Before I know it, the voice speaks again. “Annie Cresta, District Four.”

I stand.

“Weave good!” Johanna teases.

“Go get ’em, Tiger Shark!” Haymitch calls.

Someone else laughs.

Grinning, I head through the door, and spend my fifteen minutes weaving the best sunhat I have ever woven. Mags would be proud, I think as I settle the hat on one of the archery dummies. The tone sounds, and I leave.

~~~                               ~~~                               ~~~

They show our scores, and they are ludicrously high. All of us from One, Two, and Four pull elevens, despite Finnick saying he dramatically reenacted the octopus story, Gloss’s sworn statement before he went in that he was going to juggle the little rocks that were always at the camouflage station, and me having left a woven sunhat perched jauntily on one of the archery targets’ heads.

Johanna gets an eleven, Alvan gets a ten, and Katniss and Haymitch get twelves.

Finnick swears, though whether it’s at their scores or his dropped cream cheese roll, I can’t be entirely sure.

“Here I was worried about you two having the target on your backs,” Beck says without humor. Then he and Mags go to bed, and Finnick and I settle in with the cream cheese rolls and the Game replay of the night.

When it starts, Finnick reaches for the remote.

“No.” I grab his wrist. “I have to- I have to get through it. If I can’t watch this, I’ll never survive the arena again.”

He looks at me for a minute. Long enough to hear replay-Casca call my name and then Mako’s. Then he nods. “Okay. We’ll watch it. But let me know…”

“I will,” I say quietly, watching Mako walk to the stage to stand next to me.

They are showing the scores when it clicks.

“They want us to kill Haymitch and Katniss first.”

“That is what they want,” he says slowly, emphasizing every word. There’s something he isn’t telling me. I know this, but I also know him. I trust Finnick Odair with my life and with everything else. If I needed to know, he would have told me. Maybe tomorrow he will. But tonight, it isn’t important.

I trust you, I tap on his leg.

He smiles, taps back. I love you.

What a night for confessions.

****

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[byerseason]

my personal opinions on byler & mike’s character

most people believe mike is clueless or at least he just suspects will’s feelings. well, sometimes i agree with that but in general i think mike knows. actually he always knew. let’s look at everything from the beginning.

both mike and will always lived in a small town full of homophobia. we know will personally experienced homophobia from his dad and other people in hawkins. mike and will are friends since kindergarten and mike obviously witnessed all of these homophobia will went through. maybe mike experienced it too, we know ted said “see what happens?” for a reason. especially with lonnie, mike witnessed everything he did to will, we all know will shares everything with mike. so from their point of view, this thing called “homosexuality” is something really bad and all it causes is harm and hate. it’s something forbidden.

now let’s see what happened in all seasons. in season 1, a cool girl magically comes into mike’s life and shows interest in him. “you’re blind, because a girl is not grossed out by you” now mike has a chance to be normal like people expect him to be. and he’s a child, it’s not that deep. he can try. no deep feelings, no love, just be normal.

in season 2 this chance is taken away from mike leaving a trauma to him. after all, el was special and he cares for her so much. and the fact that she sacrificed herself just to save him and his friends is not something we can overlook. and adding to this trauma, something really bad is happening to will and they don’t even know what is it and how to fix it. he does his best, he never leaves his side because it’s something a good friend would do right? it wasn’t that forbidden thing the adults get angry about and it shouldn’t be. after el’s return and will being safe, mike had this chance again. el was here, she was incredible, a superhero who saved will and the world, and she was ready to be in a relationship with him. snowball scene was mike telling will “i’m moving on, you should move on too or we will get hurt by this.” because you know, these things always hurt will and nothing else.

in season 3, mike continues to this “moving on” as we can clearly see. this time a little bit grown up, or at least trying to grow up. distancing himself from will and all his friends, focusing on el all the time and for some reason not being able to maintain a friendship with will while dating el. this speaks volumes actually. it’s both him trying to be normal as expected and distancing himself from will to make sure he is normal too. to me that’s all the “it’s not my fault you don’t like girls.” scene. while mike is fighting back, will makes it harder for both of them without realizing it. i think -like everyone- the ending of season 3 was mike realizing it’s not working and it’s getting serious. he’s growing up, they’re growing up and everything is becoming clearer.

will and el moving to california was a new chance for mike. he ignored will, well at least he tried even though it’s clear he felt his absence especially in school, he didn’t reach out to him thinking maybe this is the chance for both of them to move on. and then el’s letter happened. mike thought will really did it, he moved on, he was able to move on while mike isn’t. if we think deeper, he is even working on a painting for her, something he used to do with mike. so yeah, will is normal, it worked for will, while mike is still dealing with this. when they reunite i think it was much more than just jealousy. disappointment, anger maybe? especially after he saw he brought the painting to the airport. apparently will wasn’t planning on giving all his attention to mike, who was visiting him after months, but he was planning to give the painting to the girl he likes, it was probably the reason of his excitement, not mike. so this is what makes mike want to focus on el more and ignore will during rinkomania scenes. when el mentions angela and will gives a reaction to this, mike is sure he was right and this day is about angela for will.

but he finds out he was wrong. well, the painting is still for a girl but at least he was wrong about angela. will was just upset because mike was being lied to, and he was hurt by mike being distant from him. this is what leads mike to sincerely apologize to will, as always. he always does that, if will says “where is dustin right now?” mike realizes his mistake and tries to fix it. if will says “we used to be best friends” mike realizes his mistake and offers to be best friends again. that’s all their dynamic about.

after mike and el’s fight, mike comes and explains what happened to will but it’s more like he is asking for an advice, he wants will to understand him. “it was a fight that you can’t come back from.” he wants will to agree but he doesn’t, this is when we start to understand mike’s inner struggles. he brings up this topic to will three times. none of these conversations are like two best friends giving each other relationship advices because mike never tells will what is the problem. for some reason he doesn’t want will to know he can’t tell her girlfriend that he loves her. we all know will and mike are sincere enough to tell these things to each other, they always do. but if he can’t, there must be a reason. maybe mike himself doesn’t know the answer either, maybe he doesn’t want will to understand his situation because he thinks will successfully moved on, who knows?

in the desert scene, he brings the topic up again, without mentioning what is “that thing”, but this time will seems like he understands. “sometimes, i think it’s just scary to open up like that, to say how you really feel, especially to the people you care about the most.” mike never mentioned he is struggling to say how he feels but will understand, he always did. this conversation would continue with mike opening up to will if it wasn’t interrupted, so mike brings it up once again for the third time, in the van scene.

this time he is being more open but he is still struggling to say one thing, which will completes for him “you’re scared of losing her.” well, mike was wrong. will wasn’t getting it until.. the painting scene. mike is not stupid, he knows will spent days working on it. he knows eleven doesn’t know about what this painting is about. he knows he doesn’t make el feel like “she is not a mistake at all” especially after their fight, remember that line from the script “she’s already beginning to understand she doesn’t need me, i saw it in her eyes” he knows el doesn’t need him, he knows will well enough to understand he is lying. the way he looks at will admiringly is him thinking “he didn’t move on, we’re still the same.” and also him being aware of what will is doing for him, breaking his own heart and sacrificing himself just to make mike feel better. also, he notices will is sobbing, he looks at him and even if he didn’t how could he not? he had tears in his eyes during all the monologue and he was sobbing right next to him. so is there any reason for mike to not say anything to his best friend sobbing next to him if he didn’t know the reason? the mike i know would immediately ask what was wrong if he was clueless. he knows why will is crying but he doesn’t know what to do about it. mike’s situation is pretty sad when you think about it, he probably feels like he’s stuck.

then we have the desert reunion scene. this time we clearly can see how stuck he feels between el and will, he doesn’t know how to get out of this without hurting any of them, and also himself. the way he looks at them looks like also him being afraid of damaging their bond.

then the monologue scene.. this scene may mean lots of different things, i am not sure either.

it may be mike being aware of what will is doing, how he is sacrificing himself once again, how mike is gonna have to lie and hurt everyone in the end, how the things are gonna be way more complicated or mike realizing he was wrong about thinking will has feelings for him.

my season 5 expectation is seeing a mike wheeler who stops fighting back and embraces his feelings, without hurting both of them.

that’s my point of view that changes almost everyday lol. i don’t know if there are many people who believes mike isn’t clueless so i wanted to share my thoughts. 💛

[squiddy-god]

Lmao last time I asked for Avenpaz but this is x reader so what about Aventurine x reader? Hehe thank you :3 (Desperate for some Aventurine stuff 🥰)

Yes you may, i'm going to do general hcs for this because thats what im feeling right now teehee- on a side note, aventurine but its the scene with hua cheng and xie lian with the dice rolling- there was just,,,so much tension in that scene please  

♡requests open♡

Cw : gn!reader, mentions of trauma and spoilers for his story and a bit of penacony, fluff. Both established and un established relationship hcs, a little bit of angst 

Ok so pre relationship i think that aventurine is actually quick to catch feelings but slow to realize them

Like off the bat he can tell how he feels in about someone, like or dislike, trust or not trust 

What is slow to build is how deep that runs, both his romantic feelings and his trust are gained slowly but eventually snowball and that is when he finally either realizes or admits it.

Something i never got in general is when people talk about like how {character} wouldn't trust you until xxx into relationship etc

But the thing is like, are y'all dating people you dont trust? Because especially as someone who is depressed/traumatized, I fully would have to trust someone to get into a relationship, and that trust does not reset to 0 because we got together like??- i promise i will tie this in trust me 

The other slight problem with aventurine pre relationship is that after he realizes/admits his feelings to himself he is taking that to his grave. He will casually flirt or maybe drop little hints, but he is content to never speak these feelings out loud to you, 

Half of this is a fear of forming intimate connections that he knows he's ultimately powerless to protect, he fears rejection and loss when it truly matters and this prevents him from ever really bringing himself to pursue you. The other half is a subconscious self sabotaging hatred. Despite his fronting he is an insecure and traumatized man who's become jaded by the cosmos. While he at this point would trust you implicitly he cant help the feeling that you won't, dont, and couldn't possibly like him and return his feelings. 

Reasonably he knows that he is an attractive man, a man with both wealth,power, and status, and yet he feels that you won't possibly want him. His self loathing even in his subconscious holds him back, giving a false sense of apathy towards your relationship status that outweighs the jealousy he feels. In truth the jealousy only serves to prove his point on how you don't return his feelings

There are scenarios that I think he would confess first if you don't beat him to the punch. 

The first is said jokingly, and yet there is not that sharp witted teasing edge or bite to his words, unexpectedly raw and genuine when he poses a simple “what if” question 

The second involves many different factors, maybe you catch him on a good day, maybe he sees the way you seem to look at him and in your eyes is the reflection of his own affections. Maybe you catch him on a bad day, and in his pit of despair he decides that it is at least worth the risk to gamble.

These are the moments he confesses to you, bated breath waiting for the other shoe to drop and for you to lash out with laughter or anger but he is delighted when you return his feelings

Ok ok enough angst-

This man is a shameless flirt, he is romantic long before you every begin a relationship- you just take it as a joke, a bit that's silly between close friends 

After you manage to pry that confession out of him or you make the first move, he is shockingly quick to put a label on it, you are his romantic partner! His love, hes your lucky charm

Ok ok like i said before i really don't thing that aventurine is the type to be in an actual relationship with someone he A)doesn’t trust, or B) doesn’t love

So by the time you get in a relationship there is already a strong foundation of real trust, but he has already realized he is hopelessly in love. 

I will die on the hill that aventurine is a stage 100 clinger 

This is a clingy man to his core, he is sending you 50 messages a day

Good morning, good night, have you eaten? I love you, miss you, literally anything because he truly dose miss you 

Have you eaten? Yes? Good have a little treat +500 credits 

No? Wait there he's taking you to lunch- or +5000 credits 

I know everyone says it but he really does spoil you. Now the way he sees it genuinely isn't as like a bribe but both something that genuinely makes him happy and also he likes to make your life easier 

Seeing you happy, being able to spoil you with gifts and treats and money brings him genuine joy, and knowing that he is able to provide some relief from the harsh reality of life makes his a very merry man

As I said, clingy- he loves your time, being able to spend time with you and relax in your presence is truly heaven. 

Most of his missions aren't dangerous, just business so he enjoys taking you with him so that he can spend more time with you

He is touch starved for positive physical contact and affection 

Sit in his lap, let him sit in yours- honestly he isn't very picky as long as he gets to touch you 

If you thought his playful bestie flirting was bad you are gonna die, because he gets so much worse, now that he knows exactly what to say so that he can fluster you he grows ever bolder in his pursuit

No matter what he says his actions always follow his words, he shows he loves you with the way he sees you and treats you, in the way he seems to crave you like a thirsty man craves water or how a plant craves the warm sun, to breathe you in like air and love you tenderly 

Even if he is clumsy at love and intimacy he still puts in a profound sense of effort. 

The definition of if he wanted to he would. And he definitely wants to

[kyokutsu-sama]

Hello ! How are you? I hope your doing well ^^

I was wondering if I could request a tanjirou x reader where the reader and tanjirou where childhood freinds but haven't seen each other since tanjirou's family was eliminated. During that time span the reader was attacked by a demon and ended up running into Tamayo whom helped like she helped Yushiro; and the reader and tanjirou reunite at Tamayo's?

I think it would be a really nice fluff / angst scenario ^^

Hi!! I'm fine and I hope you're well too✨️

A/n: It really sounds cute to me. I loved the request❤️ and I'm sorry for the delay🥹

Tanjiro Kamado, your best friend and also your neighbor, since you also lived in a house near his, even though you had to climb the entire mountain to get there. You were very close and got along very well. It was very common for you to get together with him and his siblings to play, especially in the winter when the snow fell and you would have snowball fights or make snowmen. They were innocent children who just laughed and played all day long. Tanjiro was the kindest and purest boy you had ever met; there was no one you could say had a generous heart like his. His smile and bright eyes spoke for themselves.

It turns out that one day things changed from a paradise on earth to a living, dark nightmare. A scene that terrified you and left its mark on you. You were speechless when you learned that a demon had killed his entire family, leaving only his sister, Nezuko, alive. Even though she had now become a demon too. You started crying at the news since his family always welcomed you with kind words and affection.

It was macabre what they had done to those innocent people. People who had done nothing wrong and who had to face such a cruel and bloodthirsty fate.

After that day, you lost track of Tanjiro. You hadn't known his whereabouts since he had left Master Urokudaki's house.

You stayed living in his house even after the boy left. You didn't dislike the evenings there. Despite the fear of nightfall always filling your heart, especially because of the trauma that day also left in you.

Urokudaki was always by your side and assured you that he wouldn't let any of those creatures hurt you.

But it turns out...

One day you went out afternoon to go for a walk and ended up going far from home. You were walking among the very tall trees with huge green branches. You could see the lights of the houses in a small village that could only be reached after descending the high mountain where you were.

You didn't aim to get there, but just walk a little further before returning home. After some time you looked at the setting sun, almost disappearing on the horizon and looked at your pocket watch, realizing that it was time to return home. You heard the noise of something moving behind you and turned around quickly, scared. You stood still watching one of the bushes move, as the wind was blowing you thought it was just the wind but it seemed like something more. You held the hilt of a dagger that Urokudaki had given you, not only for hunting but also to defend yourself from other types of threats.

You approached only to be startled by a small, cute fox coming out of the branches. You sighed in relief when you saw that it was just an animal and not something worse, but that wasn't the end of it.

When you least expected it, a figure came running towards you and as it got closer you clearly saw that it was a demon. Even though you had a knife on your hand, fear took over you and you didn't want to risk fighting, choosing instead to run away towards the village without looking back.

You ran full of adrenaline coursing through your veins and at a speed that not even you knew you could reach. You didn't want to die and despair began to take over you.

The tree branches scratched your arms and legs, there was even a moment when you ended up tripping and falling down a slope full of leaves and dirt, but you quickly got up and continued running even though one of your legs was badly injured due to the fall.

The demon seem to get closer and closer, so close that when you looked over your shoulder, you saw his hand reaching out to grab you but right after, both you and he stood still, without moving. The demon felt a strong smell spreading through the air that made him dizzy and confused. It seemed something like the smell of Wisteria, a true poison for those creatures.

He started running, disoriented, through the trees, as far away from that smell as possible. As for you, it didn't affect you, but it left you very intrigued because you knew that at that moment there was another person there. You felt a hand on your shoulder and you turned around to find a woman behind you.

She didn't look like those monsters, she had a young and pretty appearance. You felt your heart relieved now when you found her and knowing that she was helping you.

"Did you get lost around here? It's dangerous to go out at night." She said, holding your hands and analyzing the wounds all over your body. "Come with me. I'll take you to a safe place." She smiled and you nodded. Even if you didn't know her, she had been your salvation and if she was offering help, you would accept it.

Along the way, you started some conversation to introduce yourselves to each other, since everything had happened so suddenly.

"Nice to meet you, Y/n. My name is Tamayo. I have some medical knowledge and also about the demons that hunt people in the dead of night."She explained. "Do you live around here in the mountains?"

"Well, actually I do, but it's still a little far from where you found me a little while ago. I was just out for a walk when all that happened. I don't even know how I feel. I was so scared that if you hadn't shown up, I would have died. Thank you, Miss Tamayo." You smiled at her in gratitude

You were now in front of her house and she looked at you before going in.

"I should check your wounds, especially that one on your leg that looks really bad, You probably have fallen halfway or brushed against the trees. Come with me." She signaled for you to follow her

You hadn't even realized how hurt you were yet, probably because in the heat of the moment you didn't feel it when you did them or because you got a big fright.

When you entered the house with her, the two of you reached the living room and came across a scene of a man choking the other, which you actually knew very well. However, the scene was still a little comical and... a little worrying too.

"Yushiro, please let go of Tanjiro. I welcomed him and his sister here with great pleasure and I don't want any fights." Tamayo said and Yushiro quickly composed himself. "Besides, I found this girl on the mountain and brought her with me because I thought I should check on her since she was in the presence of a demon. Her name is Y/n, Y/n this is Yushiro and this boy is Tanjiro and his younger sister, Nezuko." Tamayo introduced you but you had known him since you were both very young

Tanjiro got up from the floor and looked at you and you looked at him, there was a moment of silence before you ran towards him and hugged him, to which he immediately returned.

"Tanjiro, it's been a while!! I've missed you so much." You said, moving away and looking at him, who smiled at you

"Me too. I haven't seen you since I became a slayer, but now you're here. I'm so happy to see you!" He said

"And you must be another idiot like him." Yushiro muttered, crossing his arms, and Tamayo gave him a side eye after what he said

"So you two already knew each other before?" Tamayo asked

"Yeah, Y/n is my childhood friend. We used to play together a lot, and with my brothers too. She's a great friend." Tanjiro replied

"I see."

"Y/n but now that I look closely, you're covered in wounds. Where have you been?" Tanjiro's expression changed to concern as he saw your open wounds

"Yeah, I know. I was running away from a demon and ended up falling along the way. Don't worry, I'm fine."

"Come, sit here and make yourself comfortable. I'll take care of all of them" Tamayo ordered, and you followed her orders

You sat down, looking tired and still anxious about the whole situation. You had gotten a big scare and you could have sworn that this would be your end, but that woman saved you and now you were there, albeit with many wounds and a bad appearance.

You let out a few grunts of pain as she cleaned your wounds and removed some thorns that had also been left in your skin. Tanjiro looked at you with a very worried look, it was as if he could feel your heart at that moment. He didn't want to lose anyone else important to him and seeing you in that condition made his heart heavy. He held your hand and you looked at him. You could see his red eyes shining as he looked at you.

"You'll be fine again Y/n. You're strong, I'll protect you even if I couldn't protect my family before. I won't let anyone else get hurt anymore." He said firmly and you felt the first tears fall down your face

"Tanjiro..." You whispered with a small sniffle. "I'm sorry."

"It's okay, don't apologize. It wasn't your fault."

"I appreciate your words, but even so... I'm still grieving since that day. I just wish no one else had to live in a world like that." You looked down, watching the wounds being cleaned, wounds caused by a cruel night that almost took your life.

"I believe so, you were practically part of our family too. You must have suffered too." Tanjiro looked away, feeling sadness come to his heart. "But we have to be strong, I believe they didn't want to see us cry." Tanjiro gave a slight squeeze on your hand

"Mmh mmh!" Nezuko nodded with a happy expression and you looked at both of them with a hopeful smile

"You're encouraging me, it gives me hope." You said and Tanjiro smiled

Tamayo looked at you and curved her lips in a little smile, placing confidence in you. Deep down, she also just wanted to avenge the death of her husband and son.

Even though she was a demon too, she would do anything to help the slayers and even the Hashiras to defeat those enemies that tormented the populations.

Seeing that someone who lost everything to them, wanted to become stronger so they could avenge them, made her feel even more hopeful that everything would be resolved one day.

"If you need anything, you can always count on me Y/n, I want to help you too." Tamayo said and you looked at her and nodded

Even though you only met that night, you both maintained a good relationship of friendship and cooperation.

Yushiro was also an idiot to you just because you were talking to Tamayo, the woman he had feelings for and wanted to protect above all else.

You stayed at Tamayo's house until you got better and Tanjiro insisted on only leaving when you were healed and feeling better. You tried to convince him that everything was fine now but he didn't listen.

When the day finally arrived, you were now thanking Tamayo for everything she had done for you and also for Tanjiro and your little sister.

"I will come back every now and then to visit you and Yushiro. Thank you so much for keeping me safe here and for taking care of me. You were a wonderful person and I loved getting to know you." You said, hugging Tamayo who smiled at your words.

"Come whenever you want, I will always open my door for you. As for what happened, I did my duty, I took care of and protected someone who needed me. I hope I did my duty."

"You did and you did well. Thank you, Mrs. Tamayo."

"You are smiling too much at her, stop now!" Yushiro said with a frown but you just laughed at him

Tamayo looked at you shaking his head as if she was telling you to ignore him.

On the way with Tanjiro and Nezuko, you stopped to say goodbye.

"It was really great to have met you here. I'm glad you're okay now and that you're determined to get stronger too. Nezuko and I will support you in everything, right Nezuko?" Tanjiro said and Nezuko raised her arms and nodded

"I'm also glad to have met you, these days together made me remember our childhood. I hope we can meet more often because now I have to go back to Mr. Urokudaki's house. He must have been so worried about me after being away for so long. I'm going back hom now e but I'll take the good memories of these days with me. Thank you too, Tanjiro." You smiled, hugging him

The boy smiled and put his arms around you to hug you too, Nezuko looked at the two of you and decided to join in the hug too. You were a little surprised by her but you thought it was sweet of her.

After moving away a little, you knelt in front of Nezuko and caressed the top of her head and kissed her forehead.

"I'm also rooting for you to become human again and be able to live normally with your brother in a normal life." You said, seeing how her pink eyes shone at you

"Thank you, Y/n." Tanjiro smiled at you

You approached Urokudaki's house and when he saw you, he ran to you to hug you.

"Y/n, where the hell have you been? I looked everywhere for you and I couldn't find you. I thought some demon had taken you or something." He was anxious and worried but you just calmed him down saying that you were fine

"Mr. Urokudaki, let's go home, I promise to explain everything to you." You guarantee and he nodded

"I see, so you ended up meeting the boy along the way too. How was he? And his sister?" He asked

"They're both fine, he's still trying to find a way to turn his sister back into a human and he seems to be more positive than the last time I saw him."

"That's good. He's a good boy and has a lot of potential to become a great warrior. I trust him."

"I know, and I'm putting my faith in him too."

"No matter what happens, I'll stay strong and help you too... Tanjiro."

[darling-heffron]

Hello all, and welcome to the first chapter of Momento Mori!! I hope you are all excited for this new AU, I know Sol☀️ and I are very excited to be sharing this with you all. We will be posting chapters weekly and hopefully we will be able to keep on top of the workload ahaha. We will update you if this does change.

Also an overall disclaimer that this story will involve violence, gore, swearing, abuse, SA, death, non-con, family trauma, parental abuse, dead dove: do not eat, just a lot of bad things, please inform us if we have missed anything and we will add it. (We will not be adding this to every chapter, only if we think one needs some extra disclaimers, or if it going to be very bad, we will let you know. We will have a full disclaimer list on the masterlist when it gets posted.)

Also also, this work is purely fictional, based on the HBO show and the actors who portray the characters and no hate to the men who served in WW2.

Taglist: please let us know if you want to be added!

Chapter One: The Plan

“Do you hear me, soldier?” The Lieutenant bent forward as he screamed in Sam’s face, as if she couldn’t hear him. 

She tried her best to not recoil from him as his salvia landed on her cheek. Sam wondered what her father would say this time, another infringement in just one week. Surely, he would have some choice words for her, when doesn’t he? 

Sam couldn’t believe she spent her whole life trying to please that sorry excuse for a man. God, everything she had ever done had been for him. 

The tall woman thought she was finally earning the praise she so desired when he suggested she join the army. All for it to be about him and not her. God, how could she have been so foolish, constantly trying to please that man. 

Well now she had woken up, and Sam was angry. The blonde woman would not beg anymore, she was better than that. She would not let him treat her like she was gum on the bottom of his shoe. 

“Don’t make me repeat myself!” Lieutenant Jones boomed. 

“Yes, sir.” Sam yelled back, looking past the man. 

“The General will be hearing about this, Jackson.” She resisted the urge to roll her eyes. 

“Get your pack and get your ass moving, Jackson. I don’t want to see you back here until you are throwing up all over your boots!” Sam bit her tongue to keep from spitting back a retort, things were going to plan so far, she didn’t need her temper getting the best of her now.   

“Yes, sir!” Sam yelled, turning to grab her gear, hauling the heavy pack onto her back and slinging the gun over her shoulder. 

The girl moved quickly out of the barracks into the open expanse of ground that the base covered. She ran down the road into the open field, heading towards the woods at the furthest end of the territory. She couldn’t help the smirk that pulled to her lips. 

Everything was falling perfectly into place. 

Sam’s punishment had purpose, she had intentionally been sloppy all day; her bed wasn’t made, her uniform incorrect, she spoke back brazenly to her superiors, it all had snowballed to this moment. 

The blonde needed the punishment to be bad enough to get a full pack run, but it was harder than she thought. Sam had tried earlier in the week, but falling from the top of the class to the bottom was hard. She had made a name for herself for being the best of the best and so the officers turned a blind eye to her misdoings, thinking she was just having an off day. 

But when she kept up the behaviour for the second week, the officers started to notice. Sam noted that was the first time she had ever been yelled at like that by an officer. 

It wasn’t her first time being scolded, Sam’s father didn’t join the military for nothing. She had only ever known him as a cold strict man, she had never seen him smile once, not for her anyway. 

Sam didn’t see her father often though, Robert was a busy man and didn’t make time for his daughter.  

Isolated from a young age, Sam often was alone. Her own mother didn’t even make time for her, all Sam was to them was an accessory. She could count the times on one hand the amount of instances they were all together as a family. 

After her mother and father divorced, most families would fight over taking custody of their child, for Sam, she was forgotten about entirely.

Samantha’s legs moved faster carrying her towards the back fence, she checked her watch 1300hrs on the dot. She made it to the fence, slinging her pack off her back and sliding it through the cut hole at the bottom, she pushed it through to the other slide, following after it on her belly. 

She got to her feet brushing the dust from her clothes and bag before putting it on her back again. The girl needed to move away from the compound before she was spotted by one of the patrolling guards. 

If she had timed it right no one would realise she had disappeared, the next guard wasn’t due until 1330 and her Lieutenant wouldn’t be expecting her back for another hour. 

Woods surrounded the base, the dense brush hiding the whole facility. Sam slipped further into the bush, making her way towards the only main road close to the base. 

Before emerging from the bushes she redressed into more casual clothes, she didn’t need her whole attire to scream, ‘Hey look over here, I’ve just deserted and I’m running away!’

Sam stood on the side of the road, scanning up and down for one lone car. 

“Jesus Christ, what’s taking him so long?” Sam muttered to herself checking her watch for the millionth time. He was supposed to be here 15 minutes ago, if he wasn’t here soon she would have to move to plan B, and plan B was not her favourite. 

Sam sighed, her foot tapping impatiently on the tarmac. Screeching tires pulled her gaze down the street again. 

“Finally!” She said exasperatedly.

The girl watched the car zig-zag down the road. The man who was coming to pick up some army goods she had stolen for him was now careening down the street towards her. 

Why she used Craigslist she didn’t know but she was desperate for money and he seemed to be the only buyer interested in her items she had put up for sale, and he was offering her top dollar for it. 

Sam needed enough money to get her out of state and at least a few meals, then she was going to change her name and start a new life, one where she wasn’t tied to her horrible family or past. 

But now this guy was swerving all over the road, Sam watched the car speed from one side to the other. Everytime the car looked like it was just about to fly off the side of the street it swerved back onto the other side again. 

“Fucking hell, what is this crazy motherfucker doing?” Sam shook her head. The car never slowed as it came closer to her, in fact it seemed as if it was speeding up the nearer it got. 

“Hey, slow down!” She called, not thinking it would actually do anything, he couldn’t hear her yells from outside the vehicle. The car was heading towards her now, full speed, not looking like it was about to stop. 

“Fuck!” Sam screamed, leaping out of the path of the oncoming vehicle. 

She watched the events play in slow motion, the car screeched past her ploughing through the exact spot she stood only moments before. Sam crashed to the ground, her eyes never leaving the car as it sped past her. 

The blonde lay on the grass panting as the car smashed into the line of trees that bordered the road. Sam winced watching the collision, the whole front of the car imploded on impact with the trunks, the car halved in size. The whole front bonnet was now in the driver's seat. 

“Oh my fucking god!” Sam got to her feet running over to the smoking vehicle. She rounded the car to the front, the driver’s top half was sprawled across the bonnet, unmoving. 

The man clearly wasn’t wearing a seatbelt, his whole body impaled with glass, the pool of blood quickly spreading around him. 

Sam hesitated, she didn’t know what made her pause, her hand outstretched ready to check the responsiveness of the driver. But she didn’t want to touch him for some reason, he seemed off, everything about this situation seemed odd. 

She slung the gun from her shoulder, extending it forward, Sam gently nudged the man with the barrel of her weapon. The man didn’t move or react, so she tried again but harder. 

“Hey! Dude!�� Sam called to him, trying to rouse him from his unconscious state. The man’s shoulders rose and fell, was he breathing? Sam couldn’t tell. She stepped closer again, eyes trained on the driver. 

“Sir?” She uttered under her breath. 

The man’s head shot up, his bloodshot eyes staring into hers. Sam stumbled backwards, the sudden movement from the person made her heart drop. A strangled groan or gasp left the man’s lips, it didn’t sound human, almost animal-like. 

Feral. 

Sam out of instinct raised her gun again, but it wasn’t loaded, all of the ammo she had was neatly tucked away in her pack. 

The driver’s eye never left hers, but he began to move. Surely all of his limbs were broken or injured, but the man wrangled his arms back to his sides. His movements were sharp and jerky, Sam had never seen someone move like that before. A loud crack nearly made her gag as she watched the man move his backwards leg back into place. 

“What the actual fuck!” She whispered under her breath. She took small steps back from the car, trying not to alert the man of her current escape. 

Ragged breathing from the driver grew louder, she watched in horror as he lifted himself off the bonnet, a long piece of glass from the windshield halted his movement forward. Sam’s eye bulged as the man pushed himself up, removing himself from the glass that was slicing into his flesh, fresh blood pooled underneath him. Questions flooded through Sam’s head but a louder voice spoke over them. 

‘RUN!’ Her mind screamed at her to move, but she stayed planted in place, watching the driver. 

In that same moment the man had gotten himself free, by the time Sam looked up again at him, he was standing in front of the wreckage. He jolted forward in a gurgling roar, Sam didn’t look back as she sprinted her way through the trees. 

Her heartbeat pounded in her ears and ragged breaths spilled from her lips. She ran as fast as she could from him. He pursued her quickly and she could hear his rabid noises following her through the trees. 

Sam darted and weaved through the branches, hoping that the uneven terrain would slow down her pursuer. The wire fence came into view, if she crawled back she could hold him off and get some assistance, it was nearly time for patrol so there would be someone in the field that she could call over. 

Sam threw her pack off her shoulder, pushing it through the cut in the fence as she had only done moments before. The footfalls of the rabid man grew closer, his snarls and screaming sending shivers up her spine. Sam used her boot to shove her bag under the fence, but it was stuck. Her now entrance to safety was blocked by the bulky army bag. Her urgency rose even further as the man was so close she could see him charging through the trees in the distance. Sam kicked harder, using both of her feet, looking over her shoulder constantly to find the man coming closer and closer with each passing second. 

“Fucking hell!” Sam cried, willing the bag to just move at her effort, “Please!” She begged, putting her full strength into her legs. 

The rabid man now almost to the fence as well, growled loudly making his presence known. The bag came free moving from the hole, Sam moved quickly sliding under the wire as well, not wanting to look back at how close he had come to catching her. 

The girl got to her feet moving back from the fence as the man charged at full speed, never slowing. The driver launched himself at Sam, arms stretched wide, jaw hanging agape. She had never seen anything like it, no person has ever acted this way. 

The rabid man didn’t get very far in his attack, the chain link stopping him in his path, he ricocheted backwards landing in a heap on the ground. But much to Sam’s surprise he was back on his feet in no time, clawing and yanking at the barrier between them.      

“Hey, you!” A loud voice called from behind her, pulling her eyes from the crazy driver that gurgled and groaned. A guard walked towards her, his hand on his hip, ready to draw at any second. She raised her hands to show she meant no harm. 

“Sir, I can explain.” She replied breathlessly, but the guard's attention was drawn away from her as the driver roared loudly. 

They both turned to see the man had found his way under the fence, he clawed at the ground ferociously. 

Sam cringed, she could see from here the man’s fingernails ripping away from his flesh. 

Before she could even warn the guard, the driver had wiggled his way in. The driver leapt like he did before when he was coming after Sam, but this time there was nothing stopping his attack, the guard didn’t even have time to draw his weapon. 

The rabid man’s body crashed into the guards tackling them to the ground. Sam stepped back towards the fence. The driver baring his teeth, teared into the guard’s neck, blood spurting from the carotid artery that he had found so easily. 

The guard wailed in pain, trying to get the man off him. More voices sounded from across the field; the man's screams of pain had alerted the other guards.

Sam watched, her back pressed against the fence, as the driver lifted his head. The man stood focussing on the guards approaching, standing over the man who clutched at his neck choking breaths leaving his mouth. 

The driver once more sprinted towards the guards who came closer, but Sam didn’t need to see the rest, she had to get out of there. Once again she slid under the chain link fence, tugging her bag through with her. 

Sam ran quickly back to the road, her gun bouncing over her shoulder. She examined the car but it was completely totaled, she wouldn’t be able to drive it anywhere. The girl didn’t waste any time, she swung open the back doors, noting nothing of use. 

“Guess its plan fucking B then.”  

Authors note:

What did we all think of the first chapter?! Please let us know in the comments. Also stay tuned as the next chapter will be out shortly, if you would like to be notified when we post please let us know and we can add you to the tag list!! Did we scare you? Are you creeped out? Do you like Sam? hehehheehe

Love Esra ✨

[murderofravens]

To be honest, I am starting to see alot of submissive and flustered Yuuji smutfics and it is irritating me because of how it truly misrepresents and mischaracterizes Yuuji's canon personality where he is blunt, honest, straightforward and perverted. It canonly states he "likes all girls with a big ass" with bold nonchalance that he isn't afraid to voice his desires and wants. He is very upbeat and initiates dialogue with people and has a perverted mind but is respectful about it and isn't afraid to call a girl a bitch or is having pms problems (which he did to Nobara in season 1, no offense to princess Nobara though😎��️)

But Yuuji is down to try new things and experiment. He is a golden retriever with a heart of gold, but he is also a wolf in sheep's clothing and I remember reading Yuuji smut where he is properly characterized but a majority of the writers either deleted tumblr or are no longer active. I can see Yuuji as a pleasure dom/soft dom power top, with some switch tendencies but definitely not a full on sub. I have to most likely write to fill the void. (Ugh this is saddening. But what do you think? Do you see Yuuji as a pleasure dom or soft dom as well? Or alot more of a power dom?)

i agree with everything you said ! 😊 portraying him solely as a sub truly feels like mischaracterization for me. i do believe that in general yuuji is a pleasure dom and a soft dom, but after shibuya, and mostly in shinjuku showdown after being hardened with so much trauma and having changes in his personality (such as he's more motivated, stronger, always locked in, he didn't even blink when yuta/gojo fell to the ground) he gives me major power dom vibes. i feel like after being used as a vessel and having no control over his actions through shibuya, he definitely has more dominant tendencies and perhaps even a hunger for some sort of control. one thing i really think depicts this clearly was during mahito vs yuuji, when mahito was panicking and crawling away from him while he was calmly walking because he knew he had won, and how mahito kept throwing snowballs at him and he didn't even care, or during shinjuku showdown how he has literally not said a single word throughout the entire fight with sukuna except for wanting megumi to wake up— all these little things enforce that power is something he takes very seriously. even in fights you will never see him enjoying them, or smiling or cracking jokes in them like nobara, megumi, gojo or sukuna do. he is simply dedicated to fighting, and i think it would bleed into his sexual life as well.

yuuji has been shown to be blunt, straightforward, he doesn't lie because he sees no reason to, he's gambled, been in pachinko parlours and had girls swoon over him and had posters of girls on his walls all the same. and i dont like how people try to push this agenda of him being some innocent stuttering mess when he is so very clearly confident and smart and learns things so easily. it irks me a lot.

[libellule-ao3]

Awww snowball fights sound so fun! ❄️

It sounds like Evelyne and Ominis have a, um, wonderful time out in the snow 😳 but I'm glad that after everything she's been through, she's able to enjoy the wintertime at Hogwarts!

As for Annie, I wouldn't want to go up against her in a snowball fight! She sounds like she has a lot of fun, and she's very clever!

Out of curiosity, what was your thought process in developing your OC's? I loved reading their backstories and you worked very hard to give them all fascinating and very fleshed-out backgrounds! Where did the ideas originate, if you don't mind sharing?

Hope you're having a wonderful time getting ready for the holidays!

-🎅

Apologies for the late reply! 🙏

These past couple of days have been hectic with the final Christmas preparations (I hope yours are going well too, if you celebrate🎄).

I’m always surprised when people point out how detailed my stories and characters are. For me, everything feels so clear and obvious in my mind that I don’t always realise just how intricate it might seem to others. 😅

But it’s incredibly flattering to hear, so thank you so much for your kind words! 💚

Annie is my MC in the Hogwarts Mystery game. I was often frustrated by the lack of emotional depth in certain aspects of the game’s storyline. So, I started mentally noting all the details mentioned in the dialogues & events. Then, I asked myself what might motivate certain reactions, what impact a specific event might have had on her, and how it tied into other elements of her life. Gradually, this accumulation of reflections gave birth to a coherent character with solid motivations. To sum it up, Annie grew organically as I sought to fill the gaps in the original narrative and through the stories I later wrote about her.

Evelyne was a completely different process. She isn’t from the game; she’s an OC I created entirely from scratch. I wanted to explore the emotional complexity of Ominis, but I felt that the MC had better chemistry with Sebastian. Evelyne was born from the idea of giving Ominis a character who could not only enrich his story but also stand strong as an individual outside of their relationship. Her name, Evelyne Lavandin, was chosen with great care. I wanted a soft alliteration and a floral name, as it ties perfectly to her interest in herbology and fits the HP universe, where many female characters have names linked to flowers.

When it came to developing Evelyne, I aimed to create a parallel with certain aspects of Ominis’s life while integrating fundamental contrasts to generate interesting tensions despite their similarities. For instance, both carry deep wounds and have pasts marked by trauma, but they process and experience these in very different ways. Ominis hides his emotions behind a distant coldness and shields himself with a sense of control. Evelyne, on the other hand, is more demonstrative in her efforts to connect with him because her past has made her deeply attuned to others’ pain, and she recognises parts of herself in his reactions. However, she takes longer to open up about her own vulnerabilities.

Their relationship is a dance between contrast and harmony. Between confrontation and understanding. They help each other grow and heal, which is why Evelyne’s character development remains a work in progress. Her role isn’t limited to “completing” Ominis; she challenges him at times, even unintentionally, and offers a different perspective that forces him to confront parts of himself.

Finally, certain aspects of Evelyne (and my other characters) are inspired by personal reflections or explore themes that are particularly meaningful to me. I enjoy delving into subjects such as toxic relationships, trauma, resilience, loneliness, and the intricate mechanisms that shape a character and their decisions. I find it fascinating to "peel back the layers of a soul" and explore what truly makes a person who they are.

Thank you again for your lovely message—it’s always a pleasure to share my thoughts!

I hope you have a wonderful holiday season, filled with warmth and joy!💕✨️

[faeriemarie]

(a very late) shiftmas catch-up 🎅🏾🎄

1. christmas caroling

your love’s like by sabrina carpenter - because it reminds me of my bf; von dutch by charli xcx - i’m shifting back to summer 2024; anything ha vay has ever released - her music videos are exactly my aesthetic and what i strive to look like

2. gingerbread houses

my house is a very boring suburban row house. but i still like it. i live with my mom and my sister, but i’ll soon move into my dorm at uni and live with my cr roommate. fav part of my house is my bedroom (obvi) and fav aspect of my dorm are my posters — i have george harrison and romeo & juliet (1968)

3. eggnog

drama going on in my dr? literally me and that i get crushes on too many people. i break up with my gf, have two crushes, and start dating my bf all in the span of a few months 😔

4. sledding

my friend group is my cr friend group. our favorite thing to do is go to local theatre shows and spend nights at karaoke. we go to a local diner after to eat sides and drink milkshakes that are way too big.

5. snowman

my fit inspo pinterest boards

6. stockings

my family is lowk the worst but i wanna keep in the trauma that makes me me. my favorite family member is my cousin jessica who’s one year older than me and my closest friend since birth. we spend christmas with my mom’s immediate family

7. candy canes

this is so toxic and shallow but literally looking at myself in the mirror and finally being beautiful and skinny. i need it like i need air to breathe

8. mistletoe

ahhh my s/o is named petro and i love love love him (scripted him myself too). he’s weird like me and likes old things so we go antiquing and visit museums. where i am a more 1960s filmmaker poet girl, he’s a total renaissance man who plays cello and oil-paints and is basically a chess grandmaster. we bask in our similar loserdom and it’s great

9. snowflakes

headcanons in my dr: my mom was the beauty when she was younger and everyone wanted her, my younger sister actually likes and admires me though she’d never admit it, my super religious best friend is a lesbian, i am my history professor’s favorite student 🤭, my boyfriend’s parents believe we’ll get married

10. icicles

my occupation is an amateur multi hyphenate: writer-director-actor-animator among other things because i can’t pick a hobby to save my life. primary job is being a uni student though. favorite aspect is having freedom to study what i want while pursue a career in entertainment. least favorite aspect is having to rely on my mother

11. tree skirt

found out about shifting from a random intriguing subliminal when i was in the sub community. first dr was an improved cr and current dr is a different improved cr. some things never change, even after 5 years

12. ornaments

objects in my dr but not my cr? my whole ass stop-motion set that’s beautiful and professional even though i made it alone in my childhood bedroom

13. sleigh bells

greatest privilege of all is my lifa app. the universe bends to my will with the click of a button and i can control anything i want :))

14. cookie cutters

i haven’t thought about this much honestly because i’m not big on scents

15. elf on the shelf

main wingman is always my cousin. she loves trying to set me up because she generalizes my type too much (thinks any random white boy will work for me 🙄). but she’s cool and somehow always has a new bitch which makes my job really easy. when we hang out we either go to the movies (my choice) or to a party (her choice)

16. wrapping paper

i like scripting in bullet points in either my notes app or a google doc. i’m very concerned with dates so a lot of my script is taken over by timelines

17. gift tags

my camera roll in my dr

18. snowballs

i want to make short films with my friends and get absolutely nothing done because we’re too busy cracking jokes and having dance parties

19. mittens

i make short films on my youtube channel and post short stories on my substack. i also watch a lot of movies (like 600 a year) and love to read classic literature.

20. ice skates

art museum dates with my boyfriend!! we could spend 5+ hours in MoMA and 8+ hours at the Met and it would be perfect to me

[tired-all-the-time22]

I just got here from the YouTube via the LaPlace’s Angel animatic, it has been replaying on my phone for at least 20 minutes if not more- I am obsessed with your guys and also your expressions and linework. If I may, might I ask what was going on in it?

Sure!!! I'm always excited to talk about my little guys :DD This is gonna be like. A ridiculously long post because of all the backstory, lore, and context I'm about to dump on you so I'm gonna put it under the break below.

Also now that I've fully written this I will also say it kinda turns into like. actual writing at the end so yeah. this gets long.

Massive thanks if you actually read it all!!!! lol

Also massive spoiler warning because I'm making a comic of these guys and the animatic is basically like. the climax of the story

(I might copy this writing and delete the post later when/if the comic starts picking up in popularity-- don't want it to get completely spoiled lol)

TW for text depictions of violence, murder, child/teen death, and brief mentions of child abuse

Ok so like. I made two little diagrams to explain the relationships between everyone in the animatic (click for better quality/readability):

These are everyone's general relation/feeling towards each other:

For larger context,

this is set in a post-apocalyptic world where most of humanity has straight up disappeared. Planets have been rearranged and earth has essentially just become a snowball, all courtesy of an 8 year old Nyx (purple) breaking down and gaining psychic powers after Faux (blue), her newly-acquired father figure, is knocked out and presumed dead at the hands of her abusive biological mother.

Nyx grows up blaming herself for the annihilation of the humanity, but has also in the process created a new, weird world inhabited by many different creatures, becoming a sort of god-like figure. Grief-stricken and horrified by what she has done, Nyx isolates herself - terrified of repeating what has happened - until she ages to 16, at which her trauma and inability to move on manifest in her mind and body magically stagnating, now unable to progress further in her life. This goes on for [really long amount of time undetermined by author yet].

Unknown to Nyx,

the residual effects of her powers had actually resurrected Faux, who is now left alone on a now snow and debris-filled earth to go about his business, isolated and amnesia-ridden.

Meanwhile, Ash (red) and Attwell (pink)

have come into being as distant personifications of Nyx's self-preservation (including her wish to be able to move on) and her mind/intelligence respectively.

(There are other personifications that exist, such as her love of humanity, physical flesh, and the physical energy/electricity in her body, but they're not quite important here. These personifications, though originally manifesting from Nyx, are all their own people, generally unaware of where their relation to each other or Nyx herself.)

Attwell (similar in body/mind situation as Nyx -- 16 and unable to grow past that) grows up among a society of capitalistic and corrupt racoons who make high-tech inventions where she is isolated, her ideas are stolen, and where she is generally mistreated by pretty much everyone around her. Unfortunately, having grown up in this environment she has also been indoctrinated into the idea that this is the normal way to be treated. Ash on the other hand, is pretty much spawned - fully grown (~25ish, same age as Faux) - into existence along with his pseudo-sister (aformentioned personified love of humanity), and is subsequently tasked along with her to take care of a sort of mini-humanity who grow and die relatively rapidly, over and over again. His sister, Yasen (not pictured, same age), is enamored with this humanity, throwing extravagant blowout parties in order to give what she believes could be the best life they could have before their inevitable death, while Ash aspires for more, unsatisfied with simply preserving what they have.

This culminates in an event when

(pre-isolation) Nyx makes a visit to their city to explore what she has created; ending in a death, a horrified and re-traumatized Nyx, a heartbroken and betrayed Yasen, and an Ash who has now found who he (misguidedly) believes to be the bringer of progess he has been looking for (Nyx). Ash leaves Yasen and their mini-humanity to become a mentor, bodyguard, and follower of Nyx, who has now gained a reputation as the creation goddess of their world.

This all goes on for [aformentioned long and undetermined time] until one day, Ash stumbles into Faux through Shenanigans and, unknowing of who he is or his relation to Nyx, collects him from his isolation and dumps him in the forest Attwell grew up in.

Hijinks (capital H) happen, and Faux ends up meeting Attwell, mentally adopting her, and dragging her out of the bad situation she's been saddled with growing up, her kicking and screaming the whole way. They get kicked out and banned from returning from the racoon society, Attwell devastated and terrified of leaving the only place she's known, despite its shittiness. Faux, unaware that he actually already has an adopted daughter, is intrigued with exploring the new world he's been shoved into. The two go on adventures together, with Attwell desperately trying to find a way back into a society that never accepted her through trying to prove herself useful, and with Faux slowly coming to remember the life he used to lead bit by bit.

Along the way, Ash, oddly interested by Faux, starts secretly meeting with and forming a relationship with him.

Subsequently, Nyx discovers Attwell's existence for the first time and is enamored with her boldness and attitude. Attwell has just now met the most beautiful girl she has ever seen. The two begin their own secret meetings as well.

Then begins the three major events leading up to what happens in the animatic.

Ash, in an effort to force his and Yasen's mini-society out of the cycle of death and rebirth, injures an enraged and protective Yasen in a fight to the point she succumbs to her wounds and dies.

This happens right before the eyes of Nyx, who is horrified and blames herself, Ventria and Shax (other two personifications mentioned earlier), who had become like little siblings to Yasen in Ash's absence, and Attwell, who had only just been starting to find a community and people who cared about her and was coming around to the idea of staying with them, all courtesy of Yasen. Faux, though aware of Yasen's death and her significance to Attwell, does not witness Ash's actions and continues to meet with him. Attwell, hateful of Ash and defeated in every way possible, leaves the city without a word to anyone. Nyx returns to her place of isolation to grieve, while Ash is left to sit with the feeling of essentially killing his sister.

2. Attwell, tired and having been broken, built back up, and now broken all over again, returns to where she grew up, begging for forgiveness. She is given the ultimatum that, if she is to return, she is to serve a minor deity responsible for the forest's wellbeing, as resources have been dwindling. Attwell accepts the ultimatum, desperate for any amount of belonging, acceptance, or praise from an authority figure.

This manifests in a wedding-like ceremony where it is revealed that pledging herself to this deity in the way needed would kill her, as the deity would possess her. This revelation comes at very inopportune time, having only been disclosed to Attwell at the altar by the deity itself, and by accident no less. For Attwell, who has ever only been a child used as a sacrificial lamb for the majority of her life, this is the straw that breaks the camel's back. Full of regret, rage, and mental exhaustion, Attwell accepts the deity, loses control of herself, and violently murders the ringleader of the society/the main instigator of her mistreatment, in addition to causing massive collateral damage as a result of out-of-control plant powers. In the aftermath, running on fumes, Attwell limps away to find Nyx and, in her mind, say her goodbyes.

3. Faux, having been left behind by Attwell, finds himself alone again in the aftermath of Yasen's death. Her city, and her little siblings, are significantly rattled and at a loss of what to do in her absence. They'd never had to grieve before -- they never even knew the meaning of what death truly meant. And now Faux-- the only adult in a sea full of freshly-traumatized and grief-filled children --strangely starts to feel as if he's been in this situation before.

He sticks around to help Shax and Ventria with the fallout, and with the death of their older sister. He's worried about Attwell but- there's just. Something. here that needs his attention. He's been having flashes of a life that he thinks might be is, and he's on the verge of figuring out what the deal with that is. Eventually, he discovers Ash lurking around in the back alleys of the city, with a heavy air of contemplation and an undertone of regret. The two meet up, Faux unknowing the Ash is the direct cause of the city's great loss, and venture into depths of the city only privy to Ash and Yasen. They fall down a sinkhole or something and get isolated, met with a cave full of darkness and crystals clean enough to reflect the tiniest details with stunning clarity. They venture deeper and deeper into the cave in an attempt to escape, Faux's head starting to pound with increasing pain as Ash grows concerned. As the pain grows to agony, Faux is met with flashes of memory, and soon enough what was the solid ground of his mind -- his consciousness, his sense of self, what he thought he knew -- crumbles. Faux plummets. and then, He remembers. First, he remembers himself. Then he remembers the woman he met long ago, and their affair. Then, he remembers the kid. His kid. His daughter. His daughter who is very much still alive, who he's seen throughout the past few months everywhere -- scripture, folk stories, stained glass in religious congregation -- Faux is left reeling on the ground, shocked and terrified and devastated. and Ash, confused and unable to cope, Leaves him. Later, when Faux begins to wake from his shock, finds himself alone, and he knows exactly who he needs to see.

Now! With all of that out of the way, we can get to the animatic.

(apoligies for taking so long to actually answer your question)

What's below is the TLDR of what's happening in the animatic:

However,

if you will indulge me in yapping more about these four, you can read on for a more in-depth scene of what is happening in the animatic:

Everyone is looking for Nyx.

Attwell gets there first.

The two reunite, emotionally exhausted and in greatly in need of seeing the other. Over the time they have gotten to know each other, Nyx has found someone her age that gets her -- that doesn't idolize, or infantilize, or minimize what she's gone through-- and though Attwell can't truly understand the scope of it, she's willing to let Nyx do what she needs. And Attwell, so used to being used, has found someone who respects her autonomy and intelligence. Though these two have not gotten a proper moment to truly hang out like normal teens, there is respect, and adoration, and there are the beginnings of love. Their happy reunion is short-lived.

Ash gets there next.

Unwell and unsure of his previous actions, he sees them together. He first sees Nyx -- the kid who he's come to care for and grow protective over, and Attwell -- the rambunctious girl that fought him every step of the way in his city, over what to do with the people he was charged with caring for, and who emboldened his sister to fight with him to the point that he had to kill her to get what he needed done. Safe to say, he is deeply unhappy with this development. Safe to say, that girl needs to get the hell away from his kid. Attwell soon becomes aware there's someone watching her and Nyx. She looks, and sees the man who murdered the only other adult in her life (apart from Faux) that didn't see her as cannon fodder. She's not about to let this man take away one of the only good things she has left in her left. Not again. Not when she's got such little time left. So she gets up, puts herself between the two, and resolves that, if there's anything-- anyone she's going to sacrifice herself for, it's going to be Nyx.

Nyx had always been there. With herself.

She'd been with only herself. For years, for decades, for millenia-- she didn't know. She hadn't even been old enough to read a clock when her dad died, so it's not like counting would have done anything for her. Besides, There were no clocks left. No calendars or alarm clocks, no sundials or hourglasses. She had destroyed everything in her wake, and left nothing in the aftermath. Everything that had mattered was gone. She had left everything ruined, and continued that path into the afterlife. But now. they mattered. The two in front of her. This man who had aided her through her lowest, despite claiming indifference. She knew he cared for her. Even in the earliest beginnings of their meeting, she knew. Could one child have four parents? The first two hadn't cared for her -- she knew that now. But she had killed the third, and now the fourth... Could a child like her deserve a fourth? A child that had achieved nothing but death, and was only rewarded with more murder? And the girl in front of her... The girl that she hadn't even been aware of months ago, that had both more and less than Nyx had ever had. The girl that had sought her out in her time of need. Nyx had never known friendship. She knew of it -- of the characters on the TV she used to watch as a little girl, sitting with her dad as he braided her hair and told bad jokes. She saw it looking out onto the street from the window of the one-bedroom apartment she lived in when her mother was gone. She longed for it. Attwell was it for her. Friendship, love, family- Nyx had only ever known the concepts. But she knew. and now, She was horrified. The sight before her was nothing short of ravenous. These two, who she had come to hold so deeply in her heart, clawed and punched and stabbed at each other with nothing but pure, unadulterated violence. She couldn't tell whose blood was whose. It didn't matter. She needed it to stop. She needed something to happen- She needed to someone to do something- She needed to make it stop- The tension in her mind snapped. something had released. She couldn't see what- she had closed her eyes without thinking. But there was silence. and then, there was a sickening thud.

Faux had gotten there last.

And he had gotten there too late. What laid before him, was the most unfortunate, most one-in-a-million-unluckiest-fucking-horrifying thing he had ever seen in his life. First, he saw his daughter, his little girl, face frozen in shell-shocked, ice-cold terror as she sat on the floor, legs unable to support the weight of what she had just done. Then, he saw the man he had been coming to like more than a little over the past few months standing, with talon-like nails and hands painted in warm blood, face obscured, fingers twitching. And finally, he saw the corpse. He saw the child. corpse. of the girl he had gotten to know. Of the young girl that was so bright, despite what she had gone through and what people had done to her. The young, fragile girl he let leave while he stayed behind to try and pick up pieces he wasn't even sure were there at the time she left. The spear lodged in her chest was the only thing that was new. He had seen it only a few times. The same places he had remembered his daughter from-- they had always accompanied her in her depictions. The heavens' wrath, they said. His eyes returned to his daughter. and his heart broke. Because it was like watching her fall and scrape her knee as a kid. Because she was silent. Because then she crawled forward, and pitifully grasped the shirt sleeve of the only friend she had ever had. Because her tears welled up, face catching up to the scene before her. Because then, She wailed.

-----------

I didn't mean for this to turn into me essentially writing fanfiction about my own characters, but here we are!!!

I have been getting back into writing lately, so maybe this was a good little exercise to get the creative juices flowing :))

MASSIVE thank you if you read until the end!!!!!

I am always open to more questions if you have any!!

[ixxivvv]

toxic comfort severus

(written by a girl with a broken ex that threatened to kill me.) (written by a girl with generational trauma.)

this is just a way for me to process what happened to me, i guess. its been years and im forgetting what happened, but the effects on me psychologically keep snowballing into what i am today. a letdown. forgive me.

DNI: psychological abuse comfort, severus is not daddy, manipulation, lying and lying, trauma bonding.

- "i wont be like my father." is what he promised, but he keeps lashing out.

- even friendly conversations with a co worker are enough to set severus off.

- y/n cant even go out for drinks in a pub, something she sometimes enjoyed, because her boyfriend severus has trauma. not her, but him, "because why would you do things that scare me? you love me dont you?" she misses the taste of a mojito or a random energy drink mix, the banter with strangers, watching the patrons play darts or smoking a cigarette. all because he dosent like it. the bartender missed her, but ignored it.

- forces y/n to comply with his aspirations, never her.

- she has to change for him because "she loves him." at least, thats what he thinks. y/n fell out of love the moment she saw through him- a broken child. but its too late and completely drained of energy, sucked the life out of y/n.

visiting cokesworth.

- his home in spinners end dosent look lived in. it has objects, a chair, books, tea, food. but its just cold. you can't explain why.

- you just both sit in silence as he pours you a cup of tea and serves you biscuits to pair. its like you are with a stranger but youve known each other for a year now. you know this house, but only just know it.

- realising you know everything about him, but you dont at the same time. you want to know, but dont want to set him off.

- he gets up from his chair to brush a piece of hair out of your sight. taking pigeon bites out of a jammie, you took in surprise of his sudden supposed kindness. the corners of his mouth curled. good, hes in a good mood.. now, gotta keep this up.

- "dear, sit on my lap." you comply. you lay in his chest, feeling his heartbeat and fabric on his clothes on your cheek. "good." you dont make eye contact with him. both of your eyes, severus too- were dark in color, and desolate.

- "look at me. good girl." as he brushes your features. this moment wont last, this is the man that is draining your soul out. this man, his kindness was mere an act to have his hands on you. was this an act too, because severus, you enjoy the act of yourself doing this?

- it confused you. but you were too tired to persue that mystery. you had enough, he yelled and pushed you around his problems right next to your ear.

- he recognises this as well. the way before you were dating, what he saw was a bright, youthful, and sometimes reckless admittedly pretty girl.

- the way you smiled and greeted people when people were infatuated with you. how people turned heads and whispered behind your back, but so unaware. how you knew dark, morbid, terrible things about people, but still some how had the heart to still engage with strangers with a smile.

- he felt obligated to control you down, to keep you grounded out of your floaty nature. it would annoy him, how can you not see all the dangers in everyone? "but they arent, severus why would you-!"

- how stupid you were. you were so beautiful, everyone wanted a piece and admire.

- he had to keep this butterfly in a cage, away.

- he knew it would hurt, it would suffocate you. but, you would one day be thankful for him. that one night you cried to yourself, how people would hurt you. .. how you blamed yourself for even doing such a thing to get hurt.

- you should be thankful for him. he went out his way to grant your wish. but why, he thought, why did you never pay him back? he constantly looks out for you, why did you fight when you should be grateful?

- he would admire the wings on his butterfly. the soft round smooth facial features he didnt have.

- the dissasociation in your face, he dosent matter. what mattered to him, at this moment, was that you werent fighting or going against him. you were in his chest, as he pleased.

[meowmeow518]

Warning for grooming and csa themes involving the characters of the powerpuff girls along with other mature themes and their long term effects. (DEAD DOVE CONTENT)

MINORS DNI

I find it so interesting that both Buttercup and Bubbles were to some extent groomed by older adult men. Criminals and whatnot. This makes sense considering they are five and continuously put into situations with other adults who want to hurt them.

On top of that they are held accountable as if they are these policemen who were trained to handle these situations.

For instance the situation that happened with Buttercup getting all of her teeth knocked out after she was caught stealing other peoples teeth and purposely knocking them out.

She did do those things and while they were messed up and she needed to be reprimanded, being jumped by a bunch of grown up criminals when she is all of five years old is not appropriate to allow to happen.

Buttercup is groomed by Ace, in a more literal way. She has a kid crush on him and in the show this is somewhat innocent but my goodness is it easy to get to these girls when no adult is actually watching them. I think later on she might have inappropriate relationships with men who are older possibly but more than likely her aggression might stave off most predatory people. (Hopefully)

Bubbles is groomed by the literal Devil in a more abstract way, not inherently for the purpose of “romantic” or sexual intent but for malign reasons nonetheless. I think her assault would more than likely occur when she’s older, possibly developing early and causing some inappropriate groping she’s not sure how to react to. Can’t beat someone unconscious over a touch and no one is going to take a superhuman seriously when they complain about being assaulted.

This leave Blossom who in canon was groomed by no one and in all honesty to her character she probably thinks that would never happen to her. She feeds into the idea that they are above or different from the other townspeople and therefore immune to being hurt in such a way.

I think narratively it sets her up to be groomed and likely assaulted in the future. I feel like for Blossom it would likely be a teacher or tutor brought in to help her excel in her subjects without having to leave her school with her sisters. Something that would happen as a tween. I think it would fuck her up pretty bad. She would definitely blame herself for it and even more if she were convinced that she allowed it to happen to herself. She would hide it and try to deal with it by herself.

This would likely result in a bad view of sexuality, she would struggle with hyper sexual tendencies, having a high sex drive only to feel grossed out by herself afterwards.

I also find it interesting that most of the fandom hcs her to dress conservatively or be awkward about more adult things like alcohol, drugs, or sexuality in general.

While I think she would develop this way on her own I would find it interesting for her to suddenly develop an obsession with dressing in longer skirts, turtle necks and going on about how she won’t be dating until she’s older. Framing herself as someone who’s not “gross” while avoiding touch because when it’s not inherently violent it’s somehow worse.

I think Blossom relies on her clean image, her position with being the savior of the town more than buttercup and bubbles do. They seem to often have identities outside of being the powerpuff girls. Blossom enjoys science of course but in most depictions of the girls I notice she doesn’t usually have an inner friend group aside from her sister.

She’s the leader of the girls, othered from the townspeople and even othered from her sisters as their leaders. She in reality has no one to confide in or trust as an equal which makes her so susceptible to dealing with trauma and abuse on her own and that snowballing into suicidal tendencies.

Personally if she did kill herself, I’d like to see her fly into the sun. It’s poetic, being a source of warmth and light for the world only to burn out in quite possibly one of the only ways she could die.

In conclusion,

Yes these kids are superhuman but that does not stop or prevent the psychological damage on their psyche from being held in a very high regard by the townspeople and their father while the emotional and physical toll of this responsibility on them is completely disregarded. As if these girls are worthless. They are tools for the town and that’s about it.

I think the professor tries his best with them, to protect and care for them but much like in Steven Universe Future with Greg. He may have cared a lot but it doesn’t change what happened and Greg didn’t protect him from hardly any of it.

I also think the professor tends to forget that these are little girls. They are other to the townspeople and a bit to him. They aren’t human, they’re better.

[wakeupthemembersofbylernation]

Just say you hate Eleven don’t beat around the bush with listing all the reasons Will deserves a prize. “deserves the boy he loves” right and where does Mikes feelings coming into that exactly? So far I’ve learned there two sets of fans the ones who fancy finn and want to see him kiss boys as some weird fantasy and the others who adore Will and feel he deserves what he wants without thinking of the other party.

Only in the ST fandom can someone take a reasonable sentence like, “After four seasons of trauma, Will deserves a happy ending” and utterly twist it to mean, “I hate El and want her to be alone and miserable grrr.” It’s also wild how you can glean “Will deserves a prize” from my words when that’s not at all what I said. I don’t see Mike as a “prize” for Will. That’d be ridiculous. I see them as equals- because that’s what they are: lifelong best friends who’ve been through so much, consistently put each other first, and have made multiple beautiful promises to each other.

“But you said, ‘Will has suffered so much and deserves a happy ending with the boy he loves.’ How is that not proving my point?” Yes, I did say that, and I would say it again in a heartbeat. Will has suffered so much. Here’s a refresher on just some of his trauma. Given the context of everything, given the significance of Will’s sexuality to both his coming-of-age journey and the 80s, it would be genuinely cruel to not give him a happy ending. And it’s not Byler shippers on the Internet, but the show itself, that has consistently tied this happy ending to Mike. It’s been reinforced in every season, and the writers and filmmakers doubled-down on it in Season 4 through the van scene and through aggressively inserting Will into every Milkvan scene so that he’s always on your mind. S3 brought up their hypothetical question of the future through the rain fight, and it also had Will very specifically saying, “I’m not gonna fall in love.” This was not placed in the show so he could be proven right in S5 when Mike iNeViTaBlY rejects him. Be serious.

As I said in my post, this has nothing to do with thinking unreciprocated storylines don’t serve a purpose in media. Obviously they do! Stranger Things has given us a few: Dustin and Max, Steve and Robin, and Steve and Nancy (after they broke up). It is also given us another which I will talk about in a second, although this one comes with a twist. Dustin was crushing on the attractive new girl in school, as was Lucas. Max chose Lucas and fell for him. Dustin was sad about it, sure. The Snowball dance emphasized his general sadness as well as his unluckiness with girls at the time. Narratively, dancing with Nancy was the healing moment he needed to move on. It propelled his character to his Season 3 glow up, where he surprises his friends with news that he is dating Suzie. Dustin liked Max, but he wasn’t in love with Max, built upon a lifelong friendship. The situation is just structurally different.

Steve and Robin? Well, you know the story. Steve developed feelings for Robin (after Dustin pushed him in that direction, I might add) over the course of S3. But Robin was like, “Psyche! I’m a lesbian. Let’s be best friends,” and platonic Stobin was born. Notice there was no grief on Steve’s part. Steve was shocked, sure, but he wasn’t heartbroken. He bounced back in a heartbeat and fully accepted her sexuality. And then the season ends with their friendship shenanigans at the video store. Again, this was a crush. And it had a very interesting plot twist at the end of it. And it served a very specific purpose in Steve’s journey.

In terms of Steve and Nancy, there was more heartbreak involved, since they were actually dating. And in S4, it’s clear that Steve has never fully gotten over Nancy, or at least he thinks he hasn’t gotten over her. But narratively, this just serves a fundamentally different purpose than the situation between Mike and Will. Steve believes he needs romantic love to be happy, so his arc is accepting that he doesn’t. Also, as a presumed straight character (even though I love the bi Steve HCs), he doesn’t have the same kind of existential crisis that Will, a sad gay boy in the 80s, does.

The fourth unreciprocated storyline is an interesting one cause it’s not actually unreciprocated at all. It just seems that way. And of course, I’m talking about Robin and Vickie. Robin has feelings for Vickie, but when she sees Vickie with her boyfriend Dan, she assumes all hope is lost. But alas, all hope is not lost! Vickie is queer too and has feelings for Robin as well. You just have to take off your heteronormative glasses to recognize it. Sound similar to something else?

I bring this up because while Byler shares surface-level similarities to these other unrequited storylines, it visually parallels the situation with Robin and Vickie. So don’t be surprised when Mike, like Vickie, turns out not to be straight. And character wise, it’s deeper than all the other examples by miles. Dustin got over Max, Steve got over Robin, Steve is just looking for any girlfriend tbh, and S4 showed Robin getting over Vickie before the plot twist. Will and Mike are lifelong best friends, and a slow-burn rejection arc would not only make no sense, in-universe it would structurally derail Byler’s powerful connection and interrupt key plots already in motion during the apocalypse.

You forget that these aren’t real people. They are characters. In real life, sure, sometimes you don’t get what you want. Sometimes gay kids fall in love with their lifelong straight best friends, get gently rejected, and then life goes on eventually. In real life, saying, “But I have suffered, so you must love me back,” would be insane. And Will agrees. The homewrecker allegations need to stop. In the context of the show, Will doesn’t think that Mike loves him back. He doesn’t think love can be for boys like him. It rips him apart and tears him inside for sure, but all throughout S4 he’s the one trying to repair his bestie’s relationship while being madly in love with him. Will thinks he will be forever alone, and your argument is that he should be proven right?

Of course, I adore Will. He’s my favorite character, and I’m a proud member of the Willuminati. The shoe fits, and I will wear it. But I saw this Tweet today that I had to screenshot, and it applies directly to the subtext of your ask:

No one should find it strange or delusional or creepy that people ship Will with the boy he’s into. Calling it a “weird fantasy” in any context is inherently homophobic and weird behavior. You simply would not say that about any other ship in the show. Admit that you find queerness icky. Don’t hide behind faux concern for El.

Lastly, I must directly respond to your question,“Where do Mike’s feelings come into that exactly? Why do Bylers feel Will deserves what he wants without thinking of the other party?”

What are you even saying? Accusing Bylers of not thinking about Mike is the strangest accusation considering there are 50 essays per day posted on this app diving into the psychology of Mike. Mike’s feelings are powerful. Mike’s feelings are important. I could just as easily have written a post that said, “After everything Mike has been through, he deserves a happy ending with the boy he loves” because Mike clearly loves Will. It is overflowing out of him. If you analyze and “think of the other party” as you put it, it becomes crystal-clear where Mike’s feelings come into play and what his happy ending is. Hint: it’s not with the girl he can’t even write ILY to.

I could have written about Mike, but my post was about Will, who is canonically gay, deeply traumatized, and whose sexuality is not in doubt. Will deserves a happy ending. “But El is also traumatized, and she deserves a happy ending as well.” Agreed, but her happy ending and the overall trajectory of her character arc simply do not center Mike. El’s arc is rooted in her independence, and I could do a deep-dive analysis comparing and contrasting Will and El and explaining why romantic love is central to Will’s endgame but not to El’s. But I’m sure there are fifty of those already on this platform. I want Mike, Will, and El to all have happy endings.

Anyway, Byler endgame.

[honeytonedhottie]

Hello, tbh I am very open here because you give me big sister vibes so the question (if you don't have time to read through everything): How do I like (if this makes sense) factory reset my mind,body and soul (if you know what I mean) like start from scratch, let go of my past and how I missed all my childhood days. I don't mind the process I want to improve...self concept tips, I am super lost, how do I get my life together...where do I start? quick summary for clear understanding, the coming years in my life is huge because college and moving out of my home tbh the past few years I was and still am not up to the mark but I want to do better, like my mind is always racing and my body looks good (ik) but I am not that healthy. P.S. I am always grateful for your work, waiting for your reply, with love cam.

hi cam 💗 thanks for the question i'd love to help as much as i possibly can 💗💗💗

RESET ; to start off, understand that every minute, second, every time u BREATHE thats a clean state. a clean canvas for u to paint out whatever u want ur reality to look like. if u dont know ab loa i HIGHLY recommend understanding it bcuz your life WILL change, and my blog is a good source to get started on ur loa journey

so u can always start from scratch again as many times as u want 💗

LETTING GO OF THE PAST ;

mental - i noticed that u mentioned u missed childhood days, so if therapy is accessible to u, then invest in therapy. but if ur resources r limited rn that start journalling, shadow work, inner child work etc

i have shadow work prompts and self healing resources on my blog, so thats a place to start <3

once u take the time to explore the deepest depths of ur psyche and ur habits, ur trauma, and urself in general, we have ENDLESS sources online that can help u manage and deal with them.

physical - practice self care, start moving ur body in ways that feel good for you, take time to work on the big parts, and the little details of ur appearance bcuz it'll make u feel a lot better if u feel like u look good.

health - start consuming foods that are good for ur body. start small, little by little every day and eventually it'll snowball into completely different eating habits. make sure that ur seeing ur doctor when u should if ur having health problems but most health problems can be solved with the way that u eat, and the quality of food that u consume.

goals and focus - know what ur goal is. know what ur aiming for and then do actions that align with who u wanna be

goals and focus is the most important category bcuz since every individual is so different and unique and since we all have different goals and aspirations, u need to know where ur going. where u are right now, and where u wanna be. thats something for YOU to decide, but when u have a clear picture of where u wanna be then you'll know how to get started on it.

when u have a goal this creates passion, and when motivation isn't enough, we have discipline and passion. so becoming passionate about ur life and ur goals will help u stay on the right track.

some other things that help :

mentors - mentors dont have to be ppl that u know, they can simply be ppl who have similar goals and morals as u and that u admire

hobbies

practicing gratitude

journaling (im a huge advocate for journaling)

support from the ppl around u

[vessels-two-front-teeth]

You don't like IV anymore? 😔

Oh boy…how do I answer this?

I’m going to put the majority of my answer to this under the cut, as it will likely be a longer post. There’s a lot of moving pieces to this, and it all has to do with mental health. I know not everyone is interested in seeing things about my personal life, so this will make it so that those people can skip past this easier.

To make a long story short, I have no negative feelings towards any members of ST. If anything, the opposite is my problem.

To now get into the nitty gritty…

As a whole, I have a lot of unhealed trauma and unchecked coping mechanisms. This combination results in essentially me being addicted to the idealized versions of people, usually celebrities. In my mind, the person that this is focused on is always treated like actual drugs. And this time around it was IV.

All of last year (from January to August), I was living in a near constant state of high high stress. I was facing a countdown clock until the inevitable day that I would become homeless. Starting in August, I began to switch my old blank blog to what it is now and started doing my portrait series of watercolour paintings of ST. At the end of August, my partner and I had to move in with our only friend and began living in a camper on his property. We had a roof over our head, and somewhere to sleep, but we were essentially homeless with some glitter thrown on it. In September, I began writing a fanfiction about IV, and this is where things start to fall apart.

I have always had “a habit” of maladaptive daydreaming (it’s a cornerstone trait of ADHD, as is addiction), and this time around, it snowballed out of control very very quickly. Through writing the story, I began trying to put myself into the story to try and write it more believably, but it just became me fantasizing about IV. It got to a level where I was constantly living in those fantasies, to the point where I was willing to throw away my actual relationship for said fantasy about someone who doesn’t know that I exist. It reached a point where I was emotionally cheating on my partner with IV, turning to these fantasies in search of things that I should be getting from my partner. Furthermore, I began trying to find labels that would allow me to make excuses for what I was doing. That label was polyamory. (Nuance time: I have nothing against the label or identity, this instance for me was purely delusion being fed by trauma and coping mechanisms.)

(I cannot make it any more clear, my partner and my relationship with him has never been the cause of any of the stress that I was going through. He has only ever been the best thing to ever happen to me. That has still not changed, nor will it ever.)

This came to a head about two weeks ago. I had finally worked up the courage to come out to my partner as poly, since that’s what I thought needed to happen. And over the course of the next few days the blinders were rapidly removed from my eyes and I became uncomfortably aware of the way that I had been behaving here for the previous 5 or so months. That way can only be described as predatory and entirely unhinged. If a man was caught making the same kind of comments about a female celebrity as I was about IV, that man would be put on a list and be labeled a stalker. The fact that was me, makes it no different.

With this new realization, I began the process of going through my blog and massively altering my tags and in general the type of posts that I make here. From an outside perspective, I know it looks like I suddenly started hating IV, or something like that, hence you sending this ask. That’s not the case. I’m making the conscious decision to distance myself until I can reach a healthy level of indifference.

A major contributing factor to this is the fact that I will eventually be a published author and having a digital footprint that looked the way it did for those few months, would immediately get me cancelled and my career would be over before it even began.

Being a fan of ST is not the problem, the obsessive romanticizing and **sexualising that I was doing is.

I also want to emphasize the fact that nowhere in this post am I calling out anyone. else’s. behaviour. I am only talking about myself and the ways that I have chosen to behave.

**correcting a typo

[hirak0s]

Inner World Merging

aka

(Everyone you meet leaves a piece of them with you, and you leave a piece of you with them)

(and none of this has a damn bit of canon evidence, it’s just for fun!)

General Idea: Inner worlds can change depending on those who have touched your life, those who stayed, those who have left and they can leave an influence! Strongest influences leave stronger changes!

Ex: Ayame and Shinji’s inner worlds are fully merged. They’ve left imprints on each other's lives that’ll last their lifetimes (due to being twins). They both share their inner world. It’s also possible they can wield each other’s zanpakuto.

Ex: Shunsui and Jushiro would also have shared or heavily influenced inner worlds due to their relationship with each other and how long they’ve been ‘friends’. It’s quite possible that the waves in Shunsui’s inner world are related to Jushiro’s inner world.

Ex: Shinji’s world is partially hollowfied thanks to Aizen’s hollowfication.

Ex: Ayame’s is damaged and hollowfied thanks to Shinji’s hollow attacking her inner world. As well as, due to her anxiety and fear, it hasn’t mended or gotten any better.

Small changes could be as simple as a blade of grass cut, a piece of sand disappearing. Whereas large changes can be as strong as the sun breaking through clouds, parts of one’s inner world appearing in the other’s. (See Jushiro and Shunsui’s example)

Inner worlds can also take damage from bad/sinister/corrupt influences, and can corrupt their inner world. (see: The Visored)

Good friendships/relationships/relatives/etc can also influence one’s inner world positively. Sometimes possibly mending damage that had been done but never fully undoing it.

Trauma and abuse can also shift how the inner world is, usually causing damage.

Sometimes Zanpakuto spirits will also engage in conversation, interact when their wielders are close by. EX: Sode no Shirayuki getting in a snowball fight with Zangetsu. EX: Sōgyo no Kotowari playing with Katen Kyokotsu EX: Benihime and Rakkagan playing tug of war

[mbti-notes]

Anon wrote: hey, 18f. just here for some general advice (?) regarding post-high school life and transitioning into uni in a foreign country. if type is relevant for what i'm asking for, i can't provide much at the moment so feel free to tell me if you do need a type, i'll come back to you later with more information at hand. but if it helps, i could share why i haven't pinpointed what my type is yet (and these reasons may be relevant to how i behave in my current situation).

my childhood trauma remains to be unresolved, i'm definitely seeking therapy once i leave my parent's house. my mum has been the main cause of my trauma so i guess you could call her the abuser but that's a lot… that makes it seem as if she's a monster. but i suppose abuse perpetuator and monster doesn't have to be equivalent. and maybe i'm just having a hard time accepting i was abused. anyway my uni has some free counselling services so i'll make use of that and then get therapy if possible. although, my mum has been much better in terms of emotional negligence and corporal punishments. she was much more educated on healthy parenting after i'm around 12 to 13. but that doesn't change the fact i'm still mentally traumatised. it seems like she moved on but, for me, it is so so sooo hard to make sense of things.

i'm generally quite sheltered by my family as well because the country (third-world) we live in isn't the safest which also resulted in how we don't get to interact with much strangers or new people to bring some element of surprise into our lives. this also means i'm not aware of the different dynamics out there in society or much about myself because i'm not certain how i actually respond to new situations or certain types of people.

to be a little more specific, i'll write how i see my mental health state in a timeline format:

0-12 i'm busy dealing with a mum who has a bad temper, would hit me and invalidate my emotions. i don't have much specific memories but i suppose this is my impression of my childhood.

12-16 things has gotten much better i home but i don't actually feel safe, i still flinch after my mum loses her temper and is insanely concerned of any conflict (e.g. if she and my dad quarrels, it may snowball into a problem involving me and my sibling because she's in a bad mood so somehow anything she choose to do is justified) and then covid happened, my mental health was probably the lowest here, i thought about suicide, i just wanted everything to end and also maybe have my feelings validated for once. additionally, this was the time i probably spent a lot of time dwelling on my racial identity. i come from a background of two cultures/countries and i've been the only kid of such a background in school (aside from my sibling, of course) so i felt quite lonely and couldn't find someone who i could figure this out with. plus my parents, especially my mum, didn't even take the effort to learn my dad's language so i'm just like eh, who are you to pressure us to balance both languages? but, obviously, i managed to balance those two languages along with english very well because i do care about my cultural heritages. though, sometimes, i do wonder if i've made my identity too much about being biracial… i've come to terms with this much better though, i can accept both sides of me well despite my mum's opinions. oh and did i mention how my mum also liked to check my phone? yeah, so she does that and i liked to read smut. i knew i wasn't supposed to read them at that age so i was worried and felt so uptight all the time. oh well. but then she always tells me she respects my privacy so she doesn't read my journals and i know she doesn't, she genuinely respects my privacy in that regard. i think there's more stuff she's done but i can't recall right now. oh. so she has some, in my opinion, dramatic reactions or overreactions to something insanely small, again in my opinion. like if i sneeze or show symptoms of being sick or just losing my phone or if she loses her phone. with the sickness thing, i sort of get it. as a child i didn't have the strongest immune system so i got sick more than the average child so that was a lot of work for her so i guess that justifies her reactions? but i get so scared, every. single. time. and with the phone thing, i know she's very concerned about her personal data being out there and maybe because she went through more than a decade ago that related to having gangs terrorising her family. but as a child, it triggers my fawn mode and i seem to normalise this sort of behaviour from her as time goes on as in i think this is how i should react? how i should panic when something concerning happens to me instead of calmly finding a solution instead? although, as i've grown older, i tell myself to breath and slow down when i see that she panics and as a result trigger me.

16-18, i'm still building myself up from what happened nearly my whole life. i took the time for self-help books, some philosophy and psychology so i have a better idea of how to get out of the old thought process of younger me. i do have to say i'm doing much better. and i'm happy to share last night i cried many, many happy tears, because i realised i was free. as in free from abuse and emotional terrors. and truly free because i'm an adult so i can take of my wellbeing and leave completely if i ever need to take that step to feel truly safe. at this moment, i also figured out why i cried for this specific for a romantasy book (blood and ash by jennifer armentrout) i read at 15/16, the female lead was essentially monitored her whole life which she believed was for her safety but as she had a taste of freedom with the male lead, she realised her whole life has been a lie. and one night, when the male lead was away and she was not guarded by anyone, not even the male lead's guards, and the door was open, she pushed it lightly and she realised she was truly, truly free, she could run, she could do whatever she wanted, she didn't even have to stay with the male lead. and i bawled at this part. i think teen me wanted this feeling so i empathised with her greatly and last night, upon realising i had what she had, i cried too. like, yes, i'm actually free!

wew, seems like i wrote quite a bit for the reasons sections. well, i wouldn't mind any second perspective on thoughts or advice if my thinking process or judgement seems limited.

now onto the stuff i initially wanted some advice on.

for context, i am currently on a gap year, uni starts in a few months for me. but with all the free time i'm getting, it's getting boring. i find my life to be so stagnant, like i can't do anything. but, technically, i also can. so maybe i'm choosing to not engage with the possibilities…?

i know i have access to a lot of things to add some spark to my life. i can read books, watch shows, etc. i also have access to a range of art materials, watercolour sets, drawing tablet, origami paper, piano, you name it. i haven't been using the piano, though. i don't really like playing with my parents in earshot. i know they're trying to be supportive and all that… like my dad comes around and dance and tap on the keys for fun when i'm figuring out the music sheet. my mum would compliment me from time to time. but i really just want to be alone, alone with my feelings specifically. when they can hear me playing, it's as if my emotions are on display or as if whatever i write in my diary is for eyes of the public which i do not appreciate.

we also have some exercising equipment at home but i don't like using them, it's boring to run in the same spot for hours on end per week. i did try running on there for like ten days, i'd say. but it was mainly because i liked seeing how many calories i burnt on my watch and meet weekly exercise targets.

but i want more options, i want to go out more whilst also feeling safe doing so. i want to go for a walk in my neighbourhood at 05:30 or 18:00 when it's dark and feel safe enough to have earphones on or have shorts on in this humid and hot weather i'm in.

i want to explore the city, go on an city adventure and walk on the streets without concern of being sexually harassed or robbed.

i know these latter two could be achieved once i start uni because the country i'm going to is much safer so i'll definitely make use of all the resources i can. whether it be to paint in parks, go on morning runs or sign myself up to a rock climbing club.

i mean i do spend my time now to get myself ready for uni: course enrolment, course planning, dorm stuff, packing and organising, planning for orientation week, learning about the city, etc. i also set aside for psych stuff, currently really focused on type theory hence why i'm here. though, i suppose i could take some online courses on excel or something… or learn knitting… but that's still at home, sigh. i'm picking up maths recently the past few days as revision and also so i could have maths tutoring as a side hustle.

i'm also in the process of getting back into proper routine of sleeping and waking on time. my mum says i've lost my typical routine when school was still a thing, she says the busier my life is, the better scheduled my day was. not sure why i'm like that but it is true. though, i have been doing a lot of self-introspection and figuring out what i want to get out of my uni life so i wouldn't say my time has been unproductive.

with all that said, i would appreciate some of your thoughts and opinions on how i could deal with this feeling of stagnation and just lack of newness or movement forward in my life despite my current living circumstance? oh and speaking of stagnation, i suppose i have to say, most or if not all of my classmates are in college now, leaving only me still study-less so perhaps some part of me feel behind and left out, hm. but, i do have to confirm, a bigger part of me wants to deal with the stagnation.

thank you so much for your time, mbti-notes.

---------------------

Your question is difficult to respond to, not because it's especially complicated, but because the notion of "possibility" is really quite vast. I would indeed tell you to explore more possibilities, but I can't really provide detailed suggestions when I don't know the exact circumstances of where you live and what is/isn't feasible (with regard to safety). You're going to have to explore your environment a bit and check out what is available to you.

There's only one point that sticks out at me in response to the possibilities you've already put forth. I noticed that they are mainly solitary activities for skill building or general enjoyment. Solitary activities aren't going to remove that feeling of being "sheltered", in fact, they might even exacerbate feelings of boredom or isolation.

Human beings need social stimulation and warm companionship in order to feel that life is full and meaningful. Oftentimes, other people provide inspiration and catalyst to move forward in new ways. I'm guessing this is the missing ingredient in your brainstorming?

I don't know how the need to socialize would translate into your particular circumstances, though. Online socializing isn't good enough. Surely, there is some other relatively safe place you could spend time in other than your own home? Normally, I'd suggest things like volunteer for a good cause, get a part-time job, or join a club. To build skills, do so with others, by taking group classes that allow you to meet new people. If there are any opportunities like this available to you, take advantage of them.