#and from there it snowballed into generational trauma

[squiddy-god]

Lmao last time I asked for Avenpaz but this is x reader so what about Aventurine x reader? Hehe thank you :3 (Desperate for some Aventurine stuff 🥰)

Yes you may, i'm going to do general hcs for this because thats what im feeling right now teehee- on a side note, aventurine but its the scene with hua cheng and xie lian with the dice rolling- there was just,,,so much tension in that scene please  

♡requests open♡

Cw : gn!reader, mentions of trauma and spoilers for his story and a bit of penacony, fluff. Both established and un established relationship hcs, a little bit of angst 

Ok so pre relationship i think that aventurine is actually quick to catch feelings but slow to realize them

Like off the bat he can tell how he feels in about someone, like or dislike, trust or not trust 

What is slow to build is how deep that runs, both his romantic feelings and his trust are gained slowly but eventually snowball and that is when he finally either realizes or admits it.

Something i never got in general is when people talk about like how {character} wouldn't trust you until xxx into relationship etc

But the thing is like, are y'all dating people you dont trust? Because especially as someone who is depressed/traumatized, I fully would have to trust someone to get into a relationship, and that trust does not reset to 0 because we got together like??- i promise i will tie this in trust me 

The other slight problem with aventurine pre relationship is that after he realizes/admits his feelings to himself he is taking that to his grave. He will casually flirt or maybe drop little hints, but he is content to never speak these feelings out loud to you, 

Half of this is a fear of forming intimate connections that he knows he's ultimately powerless to protect, he fears rejection and loss when it truly matters and this prevents him from ever really bringing himself to pursue you. The other half is a subconscious self sabotaging hatred. Despite his fronting he is an insecure and traumatized man who's become jaded by the cosmos. While he at this point would trust you implicitly he cant help the feeling that you won't, dont, and couldn't possibly like him and return his feelings. 

Reasonably he knows that he is an attractive man, a man with both wealth,power, and status, and yet he feels that you won't possibly want him. His self loathing even in his subconscious holds him back, giving a false sense of apathy towards your relationship status that outweighs the jealousy he feels. In truth the jealousy only serves to prove his point on how you don't return his feelings

There are scenarios that I think he would confess first if you don't beat him to the punch. 

The first is said jokingly, and yet there is not that sharp witted teasing edge or bite to his words, unexpectedly raw and genuine when he poses a simple “what if” question 

The second involves many different factors, maybe you catch him on a good day, maybe he sees the way you seem to look at him and in your eyes is the reflection of his own affections. Maybe you catch him on a bad day, and in his pit of despair he decides that it is at least worth the risk to gamble.

These are the moments he confesses to you, bated breath waiting for the other shoe to drop and for you to lash out with laughter or anger but he is delighted when you return his feelings

Ok ok enough angst-

This man is a shameless flirt, he is romantic long before you every begin a relationship- you just take it as a joke, a bit that's silly between close friends 

After you manage to pry that confession out of him or you make the first move, he is shockingly quick to put a label on it, you are his romantic partner! His love, hes your lucky charm

Ok ok like i said before i really don't thing that aventurine is the type to be in an actual relationship with someone he A)doesn’t trust, or B) doesn’t love

So by the time you get in a relationship there is already a strong foundation of real trust, but he has already realized he is hopelessly in love. 

I will die on the hill that aventurine is a stage 100 clinger 

This is a clingy man to his core, he is sending you 50 messages a day

Good morning, good night, have you eaten? I love you, miss you, literally anything because he truly dose miss you 

Have you eaten? Yes? Good have a little treat +500 credits 

No? Wait there he's taking you to lunch- or +5000 credits 

I know everyone says it but he really does spoil you. Now the way he sees it genuinely isn't as like a bribe but both something that genuinely makes him happy and also he likes to make your life easier 

Seeing you happy, being able to spoil you with gifts and treats and money brings him genuine joy, and knowing that he is able to provide some relief from the harsh reality of life makes his a very merry man

As I said, clingy- he loves your time, being able to spend time with you and relax in your presence is truly heaven. 

Most of his missions aren't dangerous, just business so he enjoys taking you with him so that he can spend more time with you

He is touch starved for positive physical contact and affection 

Sit in his lap, let him sit in yours- honestly he isn't very picky as long as he gets to touch you 

If you thought his playful bestie flirting was bad you are gonna die, because he gets so much worse, now that he knows exactly what to say so that he can fluster you he grows ever bolder in his pursuit

No matter what he says his actions always follow his words, he shows he loves you with the way he sees you and treats you, in the way he seems to crave you like a thirsty man craves water or how a plant craves the warm sun, to breathe you in like air and love you tenderly 

Even if he is clumsy at love and intimacy he still puts in a profound sense of effort. 

The definition of if he wanted to he would. And he definitely wants to

[wreywrites]

Tiger Shark

Part 5: The Net

Chapter 27

None of us can believe how this turned out. Of all the ways for the reaping to go, this somehow seems the least fair. But there is nothing to be done now. And nothing is what we do. We spend the train ride in silence, we sit in our living quarters in the new Tribute Center in silence, we watch the replay of the reaping in silence. Cashmere and Gloss from One. Augustus deflates when they call his mentor’s name. Brutus and Enobaria from Two. She bares her teeth at the camera. Johanna, whose name is the only one in the District Seven female fishbowl. In Ten, the woman who didn’t get drawn��Rein, I think is her name—screams when they draw Beau. Alvan volunteers. And in District Twelve, Katniss and Peeta, and Haymitch volunteers.

Everyone goes to bed, but Finnick and I sit on the couch, watching a replay of Johanna’s Games. He reaches over, tapping on my leg, You have to trust me in there. There’s more going on. I can’t say, but you have to trust me. Stay with me.

I nod. Then suddenly, like we’ve never left, I stand up, go to the snack table, and retrieve the platter of cream cheese rolls, because of course they are there. I bring them back to the couch. Johanna goes on her rampage, and Finnick and I eat all the rolls.

~~~                               ~~~                               ~~~

We get the fish nets. I shouldn’t be surprised. Finnick takes it in stride. I am less confident, even when he assures me with a wink that I look good. He passes me a sugar cube, just like five years ago.

“Stay with me,” he says with an easy smile. “Just stay with me.”

I nod. I know what he means. I have never wanted to slip, but I know that I can’t now. Not anymore. It’s not just my life at stake—if I go blank at the wrong moment, that’s the end of Finnick too.

He gives me another sugar cube, and we go out into the waiting area with the chariots and the rest of the tributes.

Someone whistles, and I take half a second to compose myself. I am the Tiger Shark of Four. I look off to the right, and see Gloss.

In spite of all of it, a grin splits my face and I flash a wink back at him. He laughs and waves me over.

“Go on,” Finnick snorts. “I’ll catch up.”

He starts off toward the District Twelve chariot, and I head for Cashmere and Gloss. I only get halfway there when I see someone else I have to talk to.

Alvan and I have spent enough time together to be something like friends. And no one else quite understands what the two of us went through in the arena.

He smiles good-naturedly as I approach, then extends both arms to offer my choice of a handshake or a hug.

I opt for the hug, a little awkward around the light-up belt on his cow costume, but surely that makes it no more awkward than my fish net would on its own.

“I mean this in the nicest way, but we look ridiculous!” I laugh.

Alvan chuckles, a smile lifting one corner of his lips. “Well, ya look better’n me.”

“Thanks. I’m sure that’s what Marius was going for.” I do my best Marius impression. “‘I don’t care what we put them in, they just have to look better than Ten!’”

Alvan laughs, and it is maybe the first time I’ve ever heard him really laugh. He has a nice laugh, a good strong booming laugh that is surprising at first, but fits him perfectly upon inspection.

Then he shakes his head, still smiling, and says, “Ya better get goin’. I’d hate to be the one who held up our Tiger Shark.”

“See you after, then,” I grin as I walk away, on toward Gloss, who gives me what I can only describe as a friendly up-down as I approach. I return the favor. He’s not wearing much either, and he might be approaching thirty, but he’s still in fantastic shape.

“I see you finally ditched Finnick,” he smiles, leaning against the chariot.

I shrug. “Maybe I’m looking for someone a little… newer.”

Cashmere’s bright laugh rings out. “Not sure you’ll find what you’re looking for here. My aging brother just isn’t what he used to be.” She sighs dramatically as she looks off into the distance. “Any day now the Capitol will tell him his services are no longer required.”

I snort at Gloss’s pretended offense, then he rolls his eyes and says so quietly I barely hear him, “Wouldn’t that be horrible.”

Finnick appears next to me, handing me another sugar cube. “Talked to Katniss. She’s…”

Cashmere and Gloss raise opposite eyebrows, giving the hilarious illusion that their outside halves are two pieces of the same person.

“Boring,” Finnick says after some thought. But it’s almost a question, and there’s something strange in his eyes. “Or at least not nearly so interesting as you three.”

“Thanks, I guess,” Cashmere says, reaching for a sugar cube.

Finnick pulls them out of her reach. “Ah-ah-ah.” He pops one in his mouth, then does the same to me.

Five years ago that would have had me up the mast like those stupid strawberries, but now it’s just life.

He grins. “Close your mouth, honey, you’ll catch krill.”

Absently, I close my mouth, watching Finnick smile cheekily at Cashmere.

“You didn’t say please.”

Cashmere rolls her eyes. “I don’t think you made her say please.” She jerks her head in the direction Finnick came from, where apparently Katniss is.

Finnick shrugs. “Didn’t have to. She didn’t want one.”

“Is that the first time a girl has said no to you?” Gloss raises a playful eyebrow.

“It is…” Finnick looks thoughtful. “Not a pleasant feeling.”

The rest of us laugh, and then the anthem starts, signaling us back to our chariots.

“Good luck out there!” Cashmere calls, her clear laugh ringing out as she jumps into One’s chariot.

“You too!” Finnick laughs, grabbing my hand as we hurry back to our chariot with its iron gray horses. It’s a lot easier to run in the fishnets than it was to walk in the mermaid tails.

Before we can take too many steps, Finnick turns back. “Cashmere!”

She turns just in time to see him toss the sugar cube. Face split in a wild grin, she opens her mouth and catches it easily, then turns back to face the big doors as One’s white horses trot out onto Victor’s Way.

Finnick and I jog the rest of the way to our chariot. He springs up, then offers a hand back and pulls me in beside him.

Suddenly it all feels real again.

The horses start forward. I wonder if they’re the same ones from my Games.

My head whips around to look at Finnick before we pass the doors. “What now?” I whisper.

“Smile,” he says, already grinning smugly himself. “You’re the Tiger Shark. Show them your teeth.”

~~~                               ~~~                               ~~~

After the Parade, we watch Johanna snag an elevator with Haymitch, Katniss, and Peeta.

Finnick chuckles. “I can only imagine what she’s going to do to them.”

“Scare them finless, probably,” I say as we get in an elevator with Mags and Beck.

“Probably.”

We get out on Level Four of the new Tribute Center. I see now what I couldn’t put my finger on about it last night. It looks shinier than the old one. Sharper. Colder. All hard edges and glass.

But the same snack table, and the same plate of cream cheese rolls.

Finnick has already eaten two by the time I return from changing into shorts and an oversized sweater. He’s sitting on the couch, watching the pre-replay of the Parade, still in just the fish net.

I sit down next to him, take a bite of a cream cheese roll, and say, “Are you really going to keep wearing that?”

He glances down, then at me. “Yeah. Do you find it distracting?” He winks.

I roll my eyes. “Something like that.”

It is only a few more minutes until the Parade replay begins, but I can barely force myself to watch it. These are my friends. At the very least, these are people I know. How do you kill someone you know?

“Finnick…”

Thankfully, he seems to know what I want to ask but can’t find the words for.

“I would love to be allies with you, Annie Cresta. I think a good strategy for people of our skill level would be to go straight for the cornucopia. In our interviews, we need to remember who we were when we won, but also show the audience who we are now, and how we feel about being reaped again when they told us we were done.”

I nod. “Alright, Finnick Odair. That sounds like a plan to me.”

Five years ago, he told me most alliances break themselves. It was true then and it is surely true now, but I’m not going to worry about it yet. I have four more days with him before the arena, so I will live these last four days like there is no arena.

~~~                               ~~~                               ~~~

“So,” Beck says over breakfast the next morning, “any ideas on allies yet?”

Finnick shrugs. “Three’s never a bad idea. And I bet Haymitch will be shockingly useful. Ten.” He shrugs again and glances at me.

“Johanna,” I say.

Finnick nods. “Yeah, definitely Johanna. Other than them, we’ll see how today goes, I think. And you two, feel everybody out for us.”

Mags nods eagerly, Beck more reservedly.

We escort ourselves down to the Training Center.

Finnick is almost bouncing. “Think of all those shiny new toys.”

“Finnick…”

“Hey.” He puts a hand on my shoulder. “Don’t think about that. Think about all those shiny new toys. Spears nobody’s ever thrown. Rope that’s never been tied into a knot before. Think about that. This will be just like recess.”

The doors open to reveal less than half of the tributes gathering around the same woman from five years ago.

Just like recess.

~~~                               ~~~                               ~~~

Cashmere and Gloss are setting up hammocks. Why there is a station in here with anything resembling hammocks, I don’t know, but I don’t particularly care. I care even less when they wave me over, Gloss sitting up and making room for the two of us to sit next to each other as Cashmere lounges in the other. We watch everyone else for a while. No one seems particularly concerned with any of this. I know we are all planning last ditch attempts for our interviews. Until then, there is nothing to be done, so everyone who bothered to come down to the Training Center is either goofing off—Finnick tying a noose and pretending to hang himself in front of Katniss at the knot-tying station—or enjoying what they are already good at—Johanna throwing some axes in a manner that is much more recreational than “I’m planning to kill you all.” And then there are the three of us in the hammocks, chatting and watching the others.

When they call lunch, we drag all the tables together and sit as one big group, talking and laughing.

I cannot kill these people.

I tell Finnick as much that night as we watch a replay of his Games. There are tears in his eyes every time they show Leena. He doesn’t talk about her. He hasn’t since just after I won, when he told me how hard it is to go on, to keep moving forward, to keep living with what you’ve done and the people you’ve killed.

Beck says ever since the reaping, they have had a constant replay of the Games this year’s tributes won. Curiously absent, he and Mags have noticed, are Katniss’s Games last year, and the last Quarter Quell—Haymitch’s Games—which you would think would be their big-ticket item this year.

Finnick doesn’t answer. He blinks away more tears as he and Leena call off their alliance, and his hand drifts to my leg and he starts tapping. Won’t have to. Trust me. Stay with me, and we shouldn’t have to.

~~~                               ~~~                               ~~~

The next day, about eight of us decide now is as good a time as any to learn to juggle. Seeder knows, and Blight, and by lunchtime the rest of us are not too bad, though my mind is preoccupied with Zalea’s interview, when she said she could juggle eight oranges.

Over lunch at the tables we have once again pushed together, Gloss jokes about juggling for the Gamemakers for his one-on-one. None of us are taking that too seriously either. They know what we can do—or at least what we used to be able to do—and none of us want to be here, so why play their game? Why not play our own?

“Think I’ll weave something,” I say, with a glance at Finnick.

He nods. “I’d tell you to weave me a hammock and then I’ll nap for mine, but I have to go first.”

“Maybe you should weave and I’ll nap!”

Seeder laughs.

Throughout the afternoon, we all discuss what we are going to do. Haymitch jokes about mixing drinks for the Gamemakers. Beetee wants to try to build something that would play the anthem backwards and even launches into an explanation of how he’d do it, but he loses me somewhere along the way. Cashmere says she is going to string up a hammock and nap. Cecelia has several children’s books memorized and thinks she’ll just recite one of them. Alvan and Kivvie are talking about walking the Gamemakers through butchering a cow, which inspires Johanna to try to make a wood carving.

I’ll be amazed if they don’t kill us all before we get in the arena, just because we won’t play by the rules. But it might not be the worst thing that could happen.

~~~                               ~~~                               ~~~

The next day as we wait to be called in before the Gamemakers, everyone—even the people who haven’t been down to the Training Center yet—jokes about the useless things they will show off. Everyone except for Katniss, who seems confused by our camaraderie, but Haymitch says she’ll come around.

I don’t know when. We’re running out of time to all be friends. Once we’re in the arena… Well, I guess Finnick does want Haymitch as an ally. Maybe he and Katniss are a package deal.

Finnick and Johanna and I are laughing at Augustus’s expense, since he isn’t here to defend himself, when the voice calls, “Finnick Odair, District Four.”

He winks at me. “I hope they’re ready to hear the epic tale of Finnick and the octopus!” He’s out the door and I am laughing hysterically. I can only imagine him reenacting the whole story, probably with props and voices.

Johanna raises an eyebrow. “Finnick and the octopus?”

Still giggling, I say, “Yeah, you’ll have to ask him about it tonight. It’s a good one.”

Before I know it, the voice speaks again. “Annie Cresta, District Four.”

I stand.

“Weave good!” Johanna teases.

“Go get ’em, Tiger Shark!” Haymitch calls.

Someone else laughs.

Grinning, I head through the door, and spend my fifteen minutes weaving the best sunhat I have ever woven. Mags would be proud, I think as I settle the hat on one of the archery dummies. The tone sounds, and I leave.

~~~                               ~~~                               ~~~

They show our scores, and they are ludicrously high. All of us from One, Two, and Four pull elevens, despite Finnick saying he dramatically reenacted the octopus story, Gloss’s sworn statement before he went in that he was going to juggle the little rocks that were always at the camouflage station, and me having left a woven sunhat perched jauntily on one of the archery targets’ heads.

Johanna gets an eleven, Alvan gets a ten, and Katniss and Haymitch get twelves.

Finnick swears, though whether it’s at their scores or his dropped cream cheese roll, I can’t be entirely sure.

“Here I was worried about you two having the target on your backs,” Beck says without humor. Then he and Mags go to bed, and Finnick and I settle in with the cream cheese rolls and the Game replay of the night.

When it starts, Finnick reaches for the remote.

“No.” I grab his wrist. “I have to- I have to get through it. If I can’t watch this, I’ll never survive the arena again.”

He looks at me for a minute. Long enough to hear replay-Casca call my name and then Mako’s. Then he nods. “Okay. We’ll watch it. But let me know…”

“I will,” I say quietly, watching Mako walk to the stage to stand next to me.

They are showing the scores when it clicks.

“They want us to kill Haymitch and Katniss first.”

“That is what they want,” he says slowly, emphasizing every word. There’s something he isn’t telling me. I know this, but I also know him. I trust Finnick Odair with my life and with everything else. If I needed to know, he would have told me. Maybe tomorrow he will. But tonight, it isn’t important.

I trust you, I tap on his leg.

He smiles, taps back. I love you.

What a night for confessions.

****

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[byerseason]

my personal opinions on byler & mike’s character

most people believe mike is clueless or at least he just suspects will’s feelings. well, sometimes i agree with that but in general i think mike knows. actually he always knew. let’s look at everything from the beginning.

both mike and will always lived in a small town full of homophobia. we know will personally experienced homophobia from his dad and other people in hawkins. mike and will are friends since kindergarten and mike obviously witnessed all of these homophobia will went through. maybe mike experienced it too, we know ted said “see what happens?” for a reason. especially with lonnie, mike witnessed everything he did to will, we all know will shares everything with mike. so from their point of view, this thing called “homosexuality” is something really bad and all it causes is harm and hate. it’s something forbidden.

now let’s see what happened in all seasons. in season 1, a cool girl magically comes into mike’s life and shows interest in him. “you’re blind, because a girl is not grossed out by you” now mike has a chance to be normal like people expect him to be. and he’s a child, it’s not that deep. he can try. no deep feelings, no love, just be normal.

in season 2 this chance is taken away from mike leaving a trauma to him. after all, el was special and he cares for her so much. and the fact that she sacrificed herself just to save him and his friends is not something we can overlook. and adding to this trauma, something really bad is happening to will and they don’t even know what is it and how to fix it. he does his best, he never leaves his side because it’s something a good friend would do right? it wasn’t that forbidden thing the adults get angry about and it shouldn’t be. after el’s return and will being safe, mike had this chance again. el was here, she was incredible, a superhero who saved will and the world, and she was ready to be in a relationship with him. snowball scene was mike telling will “i’m moving on, you should move on too or we will get hurt by this.” because you know, these things always hurt will and nothing else.

in season 3, mike continues to this “moving on” as we can clearly see. this time a little bit grown up, or at least trying to grow up. distancing himself from will and all his friends, focusing on el all the time and for some reason not being able to maintain a friendship with will while dating el. this speaks volumes actually. it’s both him trying to be normal as expected and distancing himself from will to make sure he is normal too. to me that’s all the “it’s not my fault you don’t like girls.” scene. while mike is fighting back, will makes it harder for both of them without realizing it. i think -like everyone- the ending of season 3 was mike realizing it’s not working and it’s getting serious. he’s growing up, they’re growing up and everything is becoming clearer.

will and el moving to california was a new chance for mike. he ignored will, well at least he tried even though it’s clear he felt his absence especially in school, he didn’t reach out to him thinking maybe this is the chance for both of them to move on. and then el’s letter happened. mike thought will really did it, he moved on, he was able to move on while mike isn’t. if we think deeper, he is even working on a painting for her, something he used to do with mike. so yeah, will is normal, it worked for will, while mike is still dealing with this. when they reunite i think it was much more than just jealousy. disappointment, anger maybe? especially after he saw he brought the painting to the airport. apparently will wasn’t planning on giving all his attention to mike, who was visiting him after months, but he was planning to give the painting to the girl he likes, it was probably the reason of his excitement, not mike. so this is what makes mike want to focus on el more and ignore will during rinkomania scenes. when el mentions angela and will gives a reaction to this, mike is sure he was right and this day is about angela for will.

but he finds out he was wrong. well, the painting is still for a girl but at least he was wrong about angela. will was just upset because mike was being lied to, and he was hurt by mike being distant from him. this is what leads mike to sincerely apologize to will, as always. he always does that, if will says “where is dustin right now?” mike realizes his mistake and tries to fix it. if will says “we used to be best friends” mike realizes his mistake and offers to be best friends again. that’s all their dynamic about.

after mike and el’s fight, mike comes and explains what happened to will but it’s more like he is asking for an advice, he wants will to understand him. “it was a fight that you can’t come back from.” he wants will to agree but he doesn’t, this is when we start to understand mike’s inner struggles. he brings up this topic to will three times. none of these conversations are like two best friends giving each other relationship advices because mike never tells will what is the problem. for some reason he doesn’t want will to know he can’t tell her girlfriend that he loves her. we all know will and mike are sincere enough to tell these things to each other, they always do. but if he can’t, there must be a reason. maybe mike himself doesn’t know the answer either, maybe he doesn’t want will to understand his situation because he thinks will successfully moved on, who knows?

in the desert scene, he brings the topic up again, without mentioning what is “that thing”, but this time will seems like he understands. “sometimes, i think it’s just scary to open up like that, to say how you really feel, especially to the people you care about the most.” mike never mentioned he is struggling to say how he feels but will understand, he always did. this conversation would continue with mike opening up to will if it wasn’t interrupted, so mike brings it up once again for the third time, in the van scene.

this time he is being more open but he is still struggling to say one thing, which will completes for him “you’re scared of losing her.” well, mike was wrong. will wasn’t getting it until.. the painting scene. mike is not stupid, he knows will spent days working on it. he knows eleven doesn’t know about what this painting is about. he knows he doesn’t make el feel like “she is not a mistake at all” especially after their fight, remember that line from the script “she’s already beginning to understand she doesn’t need me, i saw it in her eyes” he knows el doesn’t need him, he knows will well enough to understand he is lying. the way he looks at will admiringly is him thinking “he didn’t move on, we’re still the same.” and also him being aware of what will is doing for him, breaking his own heart and sacrificing himself just to make mike feel better. also, he notices will is sobbing, he looks at him and even if he didn’t how could he not? he had tears in his eyes during all the monologue and he was sobbing right next to him. so is there any reason for mike to not say anything to his best friend sobbing next to him if he didn’t know the reason? the mike i know would immediately ask what was wrong if he was clueless. he knows why will is crying but he doesn’t know what to do about it. mike’s situation is pretty sad when you think about it, he probably feels like he’s stuck.

then we have the desert reunion scene. this time we clearly can see how stuck he feels between el and will, he doesn’t know how to get out of this without hurting any of them, and also himself. the way he looks at them looks like also him being afraid of damaging their bond.

then the monologue scene.. this scene may mean lots of different things, i am not sure either.

it may be mike being aware of what will is doing, how he is sacrificing himself once again, how mike is gonna have to lie and hurt everyone in the end, how the things are gonna be way more complicated or mike realizing he was wrong about thinking will has feelings for him.

my season 5 expectation is seeing a mike wheeler who stops fighting back and embraces his feelings, without hurting both of them.

that’s my point of view that changes almost everyday lol. i don’t know if there are many people who believes mike isn’t clueless so i wanted to share my thoughts. 💛

[sanjerina]

Not to go off, but:

- structural, racial, and financial inequalities make it next to impossible for some parents to parent effectively (because they’re working six jobs and/or are in prison and/or are chronically ill);

- their kids go to understaffed and underfunded schools who are expected to provide not just education but also child care, mentoring, mediation, and twelve other unfunded mandates to support their students;

- the kids wind up trying to parent themselves and counsel their friends in schools that are not following through on their IEPs, not providing effective classroom management, and not able to keep sufficient adults around for supervision — and schools are thence full of dysregulated children. many of them high as balls, who do not feel safe;

- and our health insurance companies give me and my colleagues in community mental health like 8-12 therapy sessions to fix alllll of that and refer them out to community supports that either don’t take public insurance or straight up don’t exist.

(Plus we still don’t agree on best practices for teaching people to safely use television and the internet, much less these damn smartphones, and our brains are still running hardware from 150,000 years before the Neolithic Revolution.)

So not to kvetch or anything? but I think the rich assholes who have been profiteering off of the aforementioned inequalities should be obligated to spend a few billion dollars to fund some smart people who have been trying to actually fix, like, literally any part of this.

I ranted yesterday at the end of this post about C-PTSD about the extensive damage chronic stress and chaos does to brains. We have set up a system in which this damage is almost unavoidable for a vast number of people, and it’s only snowballing out of control as the generational trauma continues to rack up. (This shit was already endemic when I was a kid, and I’m old enough to be some of these kids’ grandparents.)

We continue to ask more out of workers, more out of children, and more out of their schools, and while thank GOD people are finally talking openly about the impact on mental health, community mental health centers designed to patch you up and send you back for more systemic damage are … not gonna be enough.

Like, it’s something! Therapy will and can and does help! But if you are sensing the game is rigged, I am here to validate the shit out of that for you.

And yet. And yet. We go on. Gotta haul on that moral arc and bend it. 💛

[darling-heffron]

Hello all, and welcome to the first chapter of Momento Mori!! I hope you are all excited for this new AU, I know Sol☀️ and I are very excited to be sharing this with you all. We will be posting chapters weekly and hopefully we will be able to keep on top of the workload ahaha. We will update you if this does change.

Also an overall disclaimer that this story will involve violence, gore, swearing, abuse, SA, death, non-con, family trauma, parental abuse, dead dove: do not eat, just a lot of bad things, please inform us if we have missed anything and we will add it. (We will not be adding this to every chapter, only if we think one needs some extra disclaimers, or if it going to be very bad, we will let you know. We will have a full disclaimer list on the masterlist when it gets posted.)

Also also, this work is purely fictional, based on the HBO show and the actors who portray the characters and no hate to the men who served in WW2.

Taglist: please let us know if you want to be added!

Chapter One: The Plan

“Do you hear me, soldier?” The Lieutenant bent forward as he screamed in Sam’s face, as if she couldn’t hear him. 

She tried her best to not recoil from him as his salvia landed on her cheek. Sam wondered what her father would say this time, another infringement in just one week. Surely, he would have some choice words for her, when doesn’t he? 

Sam couldn’t believe she spent her whole life trying to please that sorry excuse for a man. God, everything she had ever done had been for him. 

The tall woman thought she was finally earning the praise she so desired when he suggested she join the army. All for it to be about him and not her. God, how could she have been so foolish, constantly trying to please that man. 

Well now she had woken up, and Sam was angry. The blonde woman would not beg anymore, she was better than that. She would not let him treat her like she was gum on the bottom of his shoe. 

“Don’t make me repeat myself!” Lieutenant Jones boomed. 

“Yes, sir.” Sam yelled back, looking past the man. 

“The General will be hearing about this, Jackson.” She resisted the urge to roll her eyes. 

“Get your pack and get your ass moving, Jackson. I don’t want to see you back here until you are throwing up all over your boots!” Sam bit her tongue to keep from spitting back a retort, things were going to plan so far, she didn’t need her temper getting the best of her now.   

“Yes, sir!” Sam yelled, turning to grab her gear, hauling the heavy pack onto her back and slinging the gun over her shoulder. 

The girl moved quickly out of the barracks into the open expanse of ground that the base covered. She ran down the road into the open field, heading towards the woods at the furthest end of the territory. She couldn’t help the smirk that pulled to her lips. 

Everything was falling perfectly into place. 

Sam’s punishment had purpose, she had intentionally been sloppy all day; her bed wasn’t made, her uniform incorrect, she spoke back brazenly to her superiors, it all had snowballed to this moment. 

The blonde needed the punishment to be bad enough to get a full pack run, but it was harder than she thought. Sam had tried earlier in the week, but falling from the top of the class to the bottom was hard. She had made a name for herself for being the best of the best and so the officers turned a blind eye to her misdoings, thinking she was just having an off day. 

But when she kept up the behaviour for the second week, the officers started to notice. Sam noted that was the first time she had ever been yelled at like that by an officer. 

It wasn’t her first time being scolded, Sam’s father didn’t join the military for nothing. She had only ever known him as a cold strict man, she had never seen him smile once, not for her anyway. 

Sam didn’t see her father often though, Robert was a busy man and didn’t make time for his daughter.  

Isolated from a young age, Sam often was alone. Her own mother didn’t even make time for her, all Sam was to them was an accessory. She could count the times on one hand the amount of instances they were all together as a family. 

After her mother and father divorced, most families would fight over taking custody of their child, for Sam, she was forgotten about entirely.

Samantha’s legs moved faster carrying her towards the back fence, she checked her watch 1300hrs on the dot. She made it to the fence, slinging her pack off her back and sliding it through the cut hole at the bottom, she pushed it through to the other slide, following after it on her belly. 

She got to her feet brushing the dust from her clothes and bag before putting it on her back again. The girl needed to move away from the compound before she was spotted by one of the patrolling guards. 

If she had timed it right no one would realise she had disappeared, the next guard wasn’t due until 1330 and her Lieutenant wouldn’t be expecting her back for another hour. 

Woods surrounded the base, the dense brush hiding the whole facility. Sam slipped further into the bush, making her way towards the only main road close to the base. 

Before emerging from the bushes she redressed into more casual clothes, she didn’t need her whole attire to scream, ‘Hey look over here, I’ve just deserted and I’m running away!’

Sam stood on the side of the road, scanning up and down for one lone car. 

“Jesus Christ, what’s taking him so long?” Sam muttered to herself checking her watch for the millionth time. He was supposed to be here 15 minutes ago, if he wasn’t here soon she would have to move to plan B, and plan B was not her favourite. 

Sam sighed, her foot tapping impatiently on the tarmac. Screeching tires pulled her gaze down the street again. 

“Finally!” She said exasperatedly.

The girl watched the car zig-zag down the road. The man who was coming to pick up some army goods she had stolen for him was now careening down the street towards her. 

Why she used Craigslist she didn’t know but she was desperate for money and he seemed to be the only buyer interested in her items she had put up for sale, and he was offering her top dollar for it. 

Sam needed enough money to get her out of state and at least a few meals, then she was going to change her name and start a new life, one where she wasn’t tied to her horrible family or past. 

But now this guy was swerving all over the road, Sam watched the car speed from one side to the other. Everytime the car looked like it was just about to fly off the side of the street it swerved back onto the other side again. 

“Fucking hell, what is this crazy motherfucker doing?” Sam shook her head. The car never slowed as it came closer to her, in fact it seemed as if it was speeding up the nearer it got. 

“Hey, slow down!” She called, not thinking it would actually do anything, he couldn’t hear her yells from outside the vehicle. The car was heading towards her now, full speed, not looking like it was about to stop. 

“Fuck!” Sam screamed, leaping out of the path of the oncoming vehicle. 

She watched the events play in slow motion, the car screeched past her ploughing through the exact spot she stood only moments before. Sam crashed to the ground, her eyes never leaving the car as it sped past her. 

The blonde lay on the grass panting as the car smashed into the line of trees that bordered the road. Sam winced watching the collision, the whole front of the car imploded on impact with the trunks, the car halved in size. The whole front bonnet was now in the driver's seat. 

“Oh my fucking god!” Sam got to her feet running over to the smoking vehicle. She rounded the car to the front, the driver’s top half was sprawled across the bonnet, unmoving. 

The man clearly wasn’t wearing a seatbelt, his whole body impaled with glass, the pool of blood quickly spreading around him. 

Sam hesitated, she didn’t know what made her pause, her hand outstretched ready to check the responsiveness of the driver. But she didn’t want to touch him for some reason, he seemed off, everything about this situation seemed odd. 

She slung the gun from her shoulder, extending it forward, Sam gently nudged the man with the barrel of her weapon. The man didn’t move or react, so she tried again but harder. 

“Hey! Dude!” Sam called to him, trying to rouse him from his unconscious state. The man’s shoulders rose and fell, was he breathing? Sam couldn’t tell. She stepped closer again, eyes trained on the driver. 

“Sir?” She uttered under her breath. 

The man’s head shot up, his bloodshot eyes staring into hers. Sam stumbled backwards, the sudden movement from the person made her heart drop. A strangled groan or gasp left the man’s lips, it didn’t sound human, almost animal-like. 

Feral. 

Sam out of instinct raised her gun again, but it wasn’t loaded, all of the ammo she had was neatly tucked away in her pack. 

The driver’s eye never left hers, but he began to move. Surely all of his limbs were broken or injured, but the man wrangled his arms back to his sides. His movements were sharp and jerky, Sam had never seen someone move like that before. A loud crack nearly made her gag as she watched the man move his backwards leg back into place. 

“What the actual fuck!” She whispered under her breath. She took small steps back from the car, trying not to alert the man of her current escape. 

Ragged breathing from the driver grew louder, she watched in horror as he lifted himself off the bonnet, a long piece of glass from the windshield halted his movement forward. Sam’s eye bulged as the man pushed himself up, removing himself from the glass that was slicing into his flesh, fresh blood pooled underneath him. Questions flooded through Sam’s head but a louder voice spoke over them. 

‘RUN!’ Her mind screamed at her to move, but she stayed planted in place, watching the driver. 

In that same moment the man had gotten himself free, by the time Sam looked up again at him, he was standing in front of the wreckage. He jolted forward in a gurgling roar, Sam didn’t look back as she sprinted her way through the trees. 

Her heartbeat pounded in her ears and ragged breaths spilled from her lips. She ran as fast as she could from him. He pursued her quickly and she could hear his rabid noises following her through the trees. 

Sam darted and weaved through the branches, hoping that the uneven terrain would slow down her pursuer. The wire fence came into view, if she crawled back she could hold him off and get some assistance, it was nearly time for patrol so there would be someone in the field that she could call over. 

Sam threw her pack off her shoulder, pushing it through the cut in the fence as she had only done moments before. The footfalls of the rabid man grew closer, his snarls and screaming sending shivers up her spine. Sam used her boot to shove her bag under the fence, but it was stuck. Her now entrance to safety was blocked by the bulky army bag. Her urgency rose even further as the man was so close she could see him charging through the trees in the distance. Sam kicked harder, using both of her feet, looking over her shoulder constantly to find the man coming closer and closer with each passing second. 

“Fucking hell!” Sam cried, willing the bag to just move at her effort, “Please!” She begged, putting her full strength into her legs. 

The rabid man now almost to the fence as well, growled loudly making his presence known. The bag came free moving from the hole, Sam moved quickly sliding under the wire as well, not wanting to look back at how close he had come to catching her. 

The girl got to her feet moving back from the fence as the man charged at full speed, never slowing. The driver launched himself at Sam, arms stretched wide, jaw hanging agape. She had never seen anything like it, no person has ever acted this way. 

The rabid man didn’t get very far in his attack, the chain link stopping him in his path, he ricocheted backwards landing in a heap on the ground. But much to Sam’s surprise he was back on his feet in no time, clawing and yanking at the barrier between them.      

“Hey, you!” A loud voice called from behind her, pulling her eyes from the crazy driver that gurgled and groaned. A guard walked towards her, his hand on his hip, ready to draw at any second. She raised her hands to show she meant no harm. 

“Sir, I can explain.” She replied breathlessly, but the guard's attention was drawn away from her as the driver roared loudly. 

They both turned to see the man had found his way under the fence, he clawed at the ground ferociously. 

Sam cringed, she could see from here the man’s fingernails ripping away from his flesh. 

Before she could even warn the guard, the driver had wiggled his way in. The driver leapt like he did before when he was coming after Sam, but this time there was nothing stopping his attack, the guard didn’t even have time to draw his weapon. 

The rabid man’s body crashed into the guards tackling them to the ground. Sam stepped back towards the fence. The driver baring his teeth, teared into the guard’s neck, blood spurting from the carotid artery that he had found so easily. 

The guard wailed in pain, trying to get the man off him. More voices sounded from across the field; the man's screams of pain had alerted the other guards.

Sam watched, her back pressed against the fence, as the driver lifted his head. The man stood focussing on the guards approaching, standing over the man who clutched at his neck choking breaths leaving his mouth. 

The driver once more sprinted towards the guards who came closer, but Sam didn’t need to see the rest, she had to get out of there. Once again she slid under the chain link fence, tugging her bag through with her. 

Sam ran quickly back to the road, her gun bouncing over her shoulder. She examined the car but it was completely totaled, she wouldn’t be able to drive it anywhere. The girl didn’t waste any time, she swung open the back doors, noting nothing of use. 

“Guess its plan fucking B then.”  

Authors note:

What did we all think of the first chapter?! Please let us know in the comments. Also stay tuned as the next chapter will be out shortly, if you would like to be notified when we post please let us know and we can add you to the tag list!! Did we scare you? Are you creeped out? Do you like Sam? hehehheehe

Love Esra ✨

[ixxivvv]

toxic comfort severus

(written by a girl with a broken ex that threatened to kill me.) (written by a girl with generational trauma.)

this is just a way for me to process what happened to me, i guess. its been years and im forgetting what happened, but the effects on me psychologically keep snowballing into what i am today. a letdown. forgive me.

DNI: psychological abuse comfort, severus is not daddy, manipulation, lying and lying, trauma bonding.

- "i wont be like my father." is what he promised, but he keeps lashing out.

- even friendly conversations with a co worker are enough to set severus off.

- y/n cant even go out for drinks in a pub, something she sometimes enjoyed, because her boyfriend severus has trauma. not her, but him, "because why would you do things that scare me? you love me dont you?" she misses the taste of a mojito or a random energy drink mix, the banter with strangers, watching the patrons play darts or smoking a cigarette. all because he dosent like it. the bartender missed her, but ignored it.

- forces y/n to comply with his aspirations, never her.

- she has to change for him because "she loves him." at least, thats what he thinks. y/n fell out of love the moment she saw through him- a broken child. but its too late and completely drained of energy, sucked the life out of y/n.

visiting cokesworth.

- his home in spinners end dosent look lived in. it has objects, a chair, books, tea, food. but its just cold. you can't explain why.

- you just both sit in silence as he pours you a cup of tea and serves you biscuits to pair. its like you are with a stranger but youve known each other for a year now. you know this house, but only just know it.

- realising you know everything about him, but you dont at the same time. you want to know, but dont want to set him off.

- he gets up from his chair to brush a piece of hair out of your sight. taking pigeon bites out of a jammie, you took in surprise of his sudden supposed kindness. the corners of his mouth curled. good, hes in a good mood.. now, gotta keep this up.

- "dear, sit on my lap." you comply. you lay in his chest, feeling his heartbeat and fabric on his clothes on your cheek. "good." you dont make eye contact with him. both of your eyes, severus too- were dark in color, and desolate.

- "look at me. good girl." as he brushes your features. this moment wont last, this is the man that is draining your soul out. this man, his kindness was mere an act to have his hands on you. was this an act too, because severus, you enjoy the act of yourself doing this?

- it confused you. but you were too tired to persue that mystery. you had enough, he yelled and pushed you around his problems right next to your ear.

- he recognises this as well. the way before you were dating, what he saw was a bright, youthful, and sometimes reckless admittedly pretty girl.

- the way you smiled and greeted people when people were infatuated with you. how people turned heads and whispered behind your back, but so unaware. how you knew dark, morbid, terrible things about people, but still some how had the heart to still engage with strangers with a smile.

- he felt obligated to control you down, to keep you grounded out of your floaty nature. it would annoy him, how can you not see all the dangers in everyone? "but they arent, severus why would you-!"

- how stupid you were. you were so beautiful, everyone wanted a piece and admire.

- he had to keep this butterfly in a cage, away.

- he knew it would hurt, it would suffocate you. but, you would one day be thankful for him. that one night you cried to yourself, how people would hurt you. .. how you blamed yourself for even doing such a thing to get hurt.

- you should be thankful for him. he went out his way to grant your wish. but why, he thought, why did you never pay him back? he constantly looks out for you, why did you fight when you should be grateful?

- he would admire the wings on his butterfly. the soft round smooth facial features he didnt have.

- the dissasociation in your face, he dosent matter. what mattered to him, at this moment, was that you werent fighting or going against him. you were in his chest, as he pleased.

[meowmeow518]

Warning for grooming and csa themes involving the characters of the powerpuff girls along with other mature themes and their long term effects. (DEAD DOVE CONTENT)

MINORS DNI

I find it so interesting that both Buttercup and Bubbles were to some extent groomed by older adult men. Criminals and whatnot. This makes sense considering they are five and continuously put into situations with other adults who want to hurt them.

On top of that they are held accountable as if they are these policemen who were trained to handle these situations.

For instance the situation that happened with Buttercup getting all of her teeth knocked out after she was caught stealing other peoples teeth and purposely knocking them out.

She did do those things and while they were messed up and she needed to be reprimanded, being jumped by a bunch of grown up criminals when she is all of five years old is not appropriate to allow to happen.

Buttercup is groomed by Ace, in a more literal way. She has a kid crush on him and in the show this is somewhat innocent but my goodness is it easy to get to these girls when no adult is actually watching them. I think later on she might have inappropriate relationships with men who are older possibly but more than likely her aggression might stave off most predatory people. (Hopefully)

Bubbles is groomed by the literal Devil in a more abstract way, not inherently for the purpose of “romantic” or sexual intent but for malign reasons nonetheless. I think her assault would more than likely occur when she’s older, possibly developing early and causing some inappropriate groping she’s not sure how to react to. Can’t beat someone unconscious over a touch and no one is going to take a superhuman seriously when they complain about being assaulted.

This leave Blossom who in canon was groomed by no one and in all honesty to her character she probably thinks that would never happen to her. She feeds into the idea that they are above or different from the other townspeople and therefore immune to being hurt in such a way.

I think narratively it sets her up to be groomed and likely assaulted in the future. I feel like for Blossom it would likely be a teacher or tutor brought in to help her excel in her subjects without having to leave her school with her sisters. Something that would happen as a tween. I think it would fuck her up pretty bad. She would definitely blame herself for it and even more if she were convinced that she allowed it to happen to herself. She would hide it and try to deal with it by herself.

This would likely result in a bad view of sexuality, she would struggle with hyper sexual tendencies, having a high sex drive only to feel grossed out by herself afterwards.

I also find it interesting that most of the fandom hcs her to dress conservatively or be awkward about more adult things like alcohol, drugs, or sexuality in general.

While I think she would develop this way on her own I would find it interesting for her to suddenly develop an obsession with dressing in longer skirts, turtle necks and going on about how she won’t be dating until she’s older. Framing herself as someone who’s not “gross” while avoiding touch because when it’s not inherently violent it’s somehow worse.

I think Blossom relies on her clean image, her position with being the savior of the town more than buttercup and bubbles do. They seem to often have identities outside of being the powerpuff girls. Blossom enjoys science of course but in most depictions of the girls I notice she doesn’t usually have an inner friend group aside from her sister.

She’s the leader of the girls, othered from the townspeople and even othered from her sisters as their leaders. She in reality has no one to confide in or trust as an equal which makes her so susceptible to dealing with trauma and abuse on her own and that snowballing into suicidal tendencies.

Personally if she did kill herself, I’d like to see her fly into the sun. It’s poetic, being a source of warmth and light for the world only to burn out in quite possibly one of the only ways she could die.

In conclusion,

Yes these kids are superhuman but that does not stop or prevent the psychological damage on their psyche from being held in a very high regard by the townspeople and their father while the emotional and physical toll of this responsibility on them is completely disregarded. As if these girls are worthless. They are tools for the town and that’s about it.

I think the professor tries his best with them, to protect and care for them but much like in Steven Universe Future with Greg. He may have cared a lot but it doesn’t change what happened and Greg didn’t protect him from hardly any of it.

I also think the professor tends to forget that these are little girls. They are other to the townspeople and a bit to him. They aren’t human, they’re better.

[wakeupthemembersofbylernation]

Just say you hate Eleven don’t beat around the bush with listing all the reasons Will deserves a prize. “deserves the boy he loves” right and where does Mikes feelings coming into that exactly? So far I’ve learned there two sets of fans the ones who fancy finn and want to see him kiss boys as some weird fantasy and the others who adore Will and feel he deserves what he wants without thinking of the other party.

Only in the ST fandom can someone take a reasonable sentence like, “After four seasons of trauma, Will deserves a happy ending” and utterly twist it to mean, “I hate El and want her to be alone and miserable grrr.” It’s also wild how you can glean “Will deserves a prize” from my words when that’s not at all what I said. I don’t see Mike as a “prize” for Will. That’d be ridiculous. I see them as equals- because that’s what they are: lifelong best friends who’ve been through so much, consistently put each other first, and have made multiple beautiful promises to each other.

“But you said, ‘Will has suffered so much and deserves a happy ending with the boy he loves.’ How is that not proving my point?” Yes, I did say that, and I would say it again in a heartbeat. Will has suffered so much. Here’s a refresher on just some of his trauma. Given the context of everything, given the significance of Will’s sexuality to both his coming-of-age journey and the 80s, it would be genuinely cruel to not give him a happy ending. And it’s not Byler shippers on the Internet, but the show itself, that has consistently tied this happy ending to Mike. It’s been reinforced in every season, and the writers and filmmakers doubled-down on it in Season 4 through the van scene and through aggressively inserting Will into every Milkvan scene so that he’s always on your mind. S3 brought up their hypothetical question of the future through the rain fight, and it also had Will very specifically saying, “I’m not gonna fall in love.” This was not placed in the show so he could be proven right in S5 when Mike iNeViTaBlY rejects him. Be serious.

As I said in my post, this has nothing to do with thinking unreciprocated storylines don’t serve a purpose in media. Obviously they do! Stranger Things has given us a few: Dustin and Max, Steve and Robin, and Steve and Nancy (after they broke up). It is also given us another which I will talk about in a second, although this one comes with a twist. Dustin was crushing on the attractive new girl in school, as was Lucas. Max chose Lucas and fell for him. Dustin was sad about it, sure. The Snowball dance emphasized his general sadness as well as his unluckiness with girls at the time. Narratively, dancing with Nancy was the healing moment he needed to move on. It propelled his character to his Season 3 glow up, where he surprises his friends with news that he is dating Suzie. Dustin liked Max, but he wasn’t in love with Max, built upon a lifelong friendship. The situation is just structurally different.

Steve and Robin? Well, you know the story. Steve developed feelings for Robin (after Dustin pushed him in that direction, I might add) over the course of S3. But Robin was like, “Psyche! I’m a lesbian. Let’s be best friends,” and platonic Stobin was born. Notice there was no grief on Steve’s part. Steve was shocked, sure, but he wasn’t heartbroken. He bounced back in a heartbeat and fully accepted her sexuality. And then the season ends with their friendship shenanigans at the video store. Again, this was a crush. And it had a very interesting plot twist at the end of it. And it served a very specific purpose in Steve’s journey.

In terms of Steve and Nancy, there was more heartbreak involved, since they were actually dating. And in S4, it’s clear that Steve has never fully gotten over Nancy, or at least he thinks he hasn’t gotten over her. But narratively, this just serves a fundamentally different purpose than the situation between Mike and Will. Steve believes he needs romantic love to be happy, so his arc is accepting that he doesn’t. Also, as a presumed straight character (even though I love the bi Steve HCs), he doesn’t have the same kind of existential crisis that Will, a sad gay boy in the 80s, does.

The fourth unreciprocated storyline is an interesting one cause it’s not actually unreciprocated at all. It just seems that way. And of course, I’m talking about Robin and Vickie. Robin has feelings for Vickie, but when she sees Vickie with her boyfriend Dan, she assumes all hope is lost. But alas, all hope is not lost! Vickie is queer too and has feelings for Robin as well. You just have to take off your heteronormative glasses to recognize it. Sound similar to something else?

I bring this up because while Byler shares surface-level similarities to these other unrequited storylines, it visually parallels the situation with Robin and Vickie. So don’t be surprised when Mike, like Vickie, turns out not to be straight. And character wise, it’s deeper than all the other examples by miles. Dustin got over Max, Steve got over Robin, Steve is just looking for any girlfriend tbh, and S4 showed Robin getting over Vickie before the plot twist. Will and Mike are lifelong best friends, and a slow-burn rejection arc would not only make no sense, in-universe it would structurally derail Byler’s powerful connection and interrupt key plots already in motion during the apocalypse.

You forget that these aren’t real people. They are characters. In real life, sure, sometimes you don’t get what you want. Sometimes gay kids fall in love with their lifelong straight best friends, get gently rejected, and then life goes on eventually. In real life, saying, “But I have suffered, so you must love me back,” would be insane. And Will agrees. The homewrecker allegations need to stop. In the context of the show, Will doesn’t think that Mike loves him back. He doesn’t think love can be for boys like him. It rips him apart and tears him inside for sure, but all throughout S4 he’s the one trying to repair his bestie’s relationship while being madly in love with him. Will thinks he will be forever alone, and your argument is that he should be proven right?

Of course, I adore Will. He’s my favorite character, and I’m a proud member of the Willuminati. The shoe fits, and I will wear it. But I saw this Tweet today that I had to screenshot, and it applies directly to the subtext of your ask:

No one should find it strange or delusional or creepy that people ship Will with the boy he’s into. Calling it a “weird fantasy” in any context is inherently homophobic and weird behavior. You simply would not say that about any other ship in the show. Admit that you find queerness icky. Don’t hide behind faux concern for El.

Lastly, I must directly respond to your question,“Where do Mike’s feelings come into that exactly? Why do Bylers feel Will deserves what he wants without thinking of the other party?”

What are you even saying? Accusing Bylers of not thinking about Mike is the strangest accusation considering there are 50 essays per day posted on this app diving into the psychology of Mike. Mike’s feelings are powerful. Mike’s feelings are important. I could just as easily have written a post that said, “After everything Mike has been through, he deserves a happy ending with the boy he loves” because Mike clearly loves Will. It is overflowing out of him. If you analyze and “think of the other party” as you put it, it becomes crystal-clear where Mike’s feelings come into play and what his happy ending is. Hint: it’s not with the girl he can’t even write ILY to.

I could have written about Mike, but my post was about Will, who is canonically gay, deeply traumatized, and whose sexuality is not in doubt. Will deserves a happy ending. “But El is also traumatized, and she deserves a happy ending as well.” Agreed, but her happy ending and the overall trajectory of her character arc simply do not center Mike. El’s arc is rooted in her independence, and I could do a deep-dive analysis comparing and contrasting Will and El and explaining why romantic love is central to Will’s endgame but not to El’s. But I’m sure there are fifty of those already on this platform. I want Mike, Will, and El to all have happy endings.

Anyway, Byler endgame.

[murderofravens]

To be honest, I am starting to see alot of submissive and flustered Yuuji smutfics and it is irritating me because of how it truly misrepresents and mischaracterizes Yuuji's canon personality where he is blunt, honest, straightforward and perverted. It canonly states he "likes all girls with a big ass" with bold nonchalance that he isn't afraid to voice his desires and wants. He is very upbeat and initiates dialogue with people and has a perverted mind but is respectful about it and isn't afraid to call a girl a bitch or is having pms problems (which he did to Nobara in season 1, no offense to princess Nobara though😎❤️)

But Yuuji is down to try new things and experiment. He is a golden retriever with a heart of gold, but he is also a wolf in sheep's clothing and I remember reading Yuuji smut where he is properly characterized but a majority of the writers either deleted tumblr or are no longer active. I can see Yuuji as a pleasure dom/soft dom power top, with some switch tendencies but definitely not a full on sub. I have to most likely write to fill the void. (Ugh this is saddening. But what do you think? Do you see Yuuji as a pleasure dom or soft dom as well? Or alot more of a power dom?)

i agree with everything you said ! 😊 portraying him solely as a sub truly feels like mischaracterization for me. i do believe that in general yuuji is a pleasure dom and a soft dom, but after shibuya, and mostly in shinjuku showdown after being hardened with so much trauma and having changes in his personality (such as he's more motivated, stronger, always locked in, he didn't even blink when yuta/gojo fell to the ground) he gives me major power dom vibes. i feel like after being used as a vessel and having no control over his actions through shibuya, he definitely has more dominant tendencies and perhaps even a hunger for some sort of control. one thing i really think depicts this clearly was during mahito vs yuuji, when mahito was panicking and crawling away from him while he was calmly walking because he knew he had won, and how mahito kept throwing snowballs at him and he didn't even care, or during shinjuku showdown how he has literally not said a single word throughout the entire fight with sukuna except for wanting megumi to wake up— all these little things enforce that power is something he takes very seriously. even in fights you will never see him enjoying them, or smiling or cracking jokes in them like nobara, megumi, gojo or sukuna do. he is simply dedicated to fighting, and i think it would bleed into his sexual life as well.

yuuji has been shown to be blunt, straightforward, he doesn't lie because he sees no reason to, he's gambled, been in pachinko parlours and had girls swoon over him and had posters of girls on his walls all the same. and i dont like how people try to push this agenda of him being some innocent stuttering mess when he is so very clearly confident and smart and learns things so easily. it irks me a lot.

[honeytonedhottie]

Hello, tbh I am very open here because you give me big sister vibes so the question (if you don't have time to read through everything): How do I like (if this makes sense) factory reset my mind,body and soul (if you know what I mean) like start from scratch, let go of my past and how I missed all my childhood days. I don't mind the process I want to improve...self concept tips, I am super lost, how do I get my life together...where do I start? quick summary for clear understanding, the coming years in my life is huge because college and moving out of my home tbh the past few years I was and still am not up to the mark but I want to do better, like my mind is always racing and my body looks good (ik) but I am not that healthy. P.S. I am always grateful for your work, waiting for your reply, with love cam.

hi cam 💗 thanks for the question i'd love to help as much as i possibly can 💗💗💗

RESET ; to start off, understand that every minute, second, every time u BREATHE thats a clean state. a clean canvas for u to paint out whatever u want ur reality to look like. if u dont know ab loa i HIGHLY recommend understanding it bcuz your life WILL change, and my blog is a good source to get started on ur loa journey

so u can always start from scratch again as many times as u want 💗

LETTING GO OF THE PAST ;

mental - i noticed that u mentioned u missed childhood days, so if therapy is accessible to u, then invest in therapy. but if ur resources r limited rn that start journalling, shadow work, inner child work etc

i have shadow work prompts and self healing resources on my blog, so thats a place to start <3

once u take the time to explore the deepest depths of ur psyche and ur habits, ur trauma, and urself in general, we have ENDLESS sources online that can help u manage and deal with them.

physical - practice self care, start moving ur body in ways that feel good for you, take time to work on the big parts, and the little details of ur appearance bcuz it'll make u feel a lot better if u feel like u look good.

health - start consuming foods that are good for ur body. start small, little by little every day and eventually it'll snowball into completely different eating habits. make sure that ur seeing ur doctor when u should if ur having health problems but most health problems can be solved with the way that u eat, and the quality of food that u consume.

goals and focus - know what ur goal is. know what ur aiming for and then do actions that align with who u wanna be

goals and focus is the most important category bcuz since every individual is so different and unique and since we all have different goals and aspirations, u need to know where ur going. where u are right now, and where u wanna be. thats something for YOU to decide, but when u have a clear picture of where u wanna be then you'll know how to get started on it.

when u have a goal this creates passion, and when motivation isn't enough, we have discipline and passion. so becoming passionate about ur life and ur goals will help u stay on the right track.

some other things that help :

mentors - mentors dont have to be ppl that u know, they can simply be ppl who have similar goals and morals as u and that u admire

hobbies

practicing gratitude

journaling (im a huge advocate for journaling)

support from the ppl around u

[tired-all-the-time22]

I just got here from the YouTube via the LaPlace’s Angel animatic, it has been replaying on my phone for at least 20 minutes if not more- I am obsessed with your guys and also your expressions and linework. If I may, might I ask what was going on in it?

Sure!!! I'm always excited to talk about my little guys :DD This is gonna be like. A ridiculously long post because of all the backstory, lore, and context I'm about to dump on you so I'm gonna put it under the break below.

Also now that I've fully written this I will also say it kinda turns into like. actual writing at the end so yeah. this gets long.

Massive thanks if you actually read it all!!!! lol

Also massive spoiler warning because I'm making a comic of these guys and the animatic is basically like. the climax of the story

(I might copy this writing and delete the post later when/if the comic starts picking up in popularity-- don't want it to get completely spoiled lol)

TW for text depictions of violence, murder, child/teen death, and brief mentions of child abuse

Ok so like. I made two little diagrams to explain the relationships between everyone in the animatic (click for better quality/readability):

These are everyone's general relation/feeling towards each other:

For larger context,

this is set in a post-apocalyptic world where most of humanity has straight up disappeared. Planets have been rearranged and earth has essentially just become a snowball, all courtesy of an 8 year old Nyx (purple) breaking down and gaining psychic powers after Faux (blue), her newly-acquired father figure, is knocked out and presumed dead at the hands of her abusive biological mother.

Nyx grows up blaming herself for the annihilation of the humanity, but has also in the process created a new, weird world inhabited by many different creatures, becoming a sort of god-like figure. Grief-stricken and horrified by what she has done, Nyx isolates herself - terrified of repeating what has happened - until she ages to 16, at which her trauma and inability to move on manifest in her mind and body magically stagnating, now unable to progress further in her life. This goes on for [really long amount of time undetermined by author yet].

Unknown to Nyx,

the residual effects of her powers had actually resurrected Faux, who is now left alone on a now snow and debris-filled earth to go about his business, isolated and amnesia-ridden.

Meanwhile, Ash (red) and Attwell (pink)

have come into being as distant personifications of Nyx's self-preservation (including her wish to be able to move on) and her mind/intelligence respectively.

(There are other personifications that exist, such as her love of humanity, physical flesh, and the physical energy/electricity in her body, but they're not quite important here. These personifications, though originally manifesting from Nyx, are all their own people, generally unaware of where their relation to each other or Nyx herself.)

Attwell (similar in body/mind situation as Nyx -- 16 and unable to grow past that) grows up among a society of capitalistic and corrupt racoons who make high-tech inventions where she is isolated, her ideas are stolen, and where she is generally mistreated by pretty much everyone around her. Unfortunately, having grown up in this environment she has also been indoctrinated into the idea that this is the normal way to be treated. Ash on the other hand, is pretty much spawned - fully grown (~25ish, same age as Faux) - into existence along with his pseudo-sister (aformentioned personified love of humanity), and is subsequently tasked along with her to take care of a sort of mini-humanity who grow and die relatively rapidly, over and over again. His sister, Yasen (not pictured, same age), is enamored with this humanity, throwing extravagant blowout parties in order to give what she believes could be the best life they could have before their inevitable death, while Ash aspires for more, unsatisfied with simply preserving what they have.

This culminates in an event when

(pre-isolation) Nyx makes a visit to their city to explore what she has created; ending in a death, a horrified and re-traumatized Nyx, a heartbroken and betrayed Yasen, and an Ash who has now found who he (misguidedly) believes to be the bringer of progess he has been looking for (Nyx). Ash leaves Yasen and their mini-humanity to become a mentor, bodyguard, and follower of Nyx, who has now gained a reputation as the creation goddess of their world.

This all goes on for [aformentioned long and undetermined time] until one day, Ash stumbles into Faux through Shenanigans and, unknowing of who he is or his relation to Nyx, collects him from his isolation and dumps him in the forest Attwell grew up in.

Hijinks (capital H) happen, and Faux ends up meeting Attwell, mentally adopting her, and dragging her out of the bad situation she's been saddled with growing up, her kicking and screaming the whole way. They get kicked out and banned from returning from the racoon society, Attwell devastated and terrified of leaving the only place she's known, despite its shittiness. Faux, unaware that he actually already has an adopted daughter, is intrigued with exploring the new world he's been shoved into. The two go on adventures together, with Attwell desperately trying to find a way back into a society that never accepted her through trying to prove herself useful, and with Faux slowly coming to remember the life he used to lead bit by bit.

Along the way, Ash, oddly interested by Faux, starts secretly meeting with and forming a relationship with him.

Subsequently, Nyx discovers Attwell's existence for the first time and is enamored with her boldness and attitude. Attwell has just now met the most beautiful girl she has ever seen. The two begin their own secret meetings as well.

Then begins the three major events leading up to what happens in the animatic.

Ash, in an effort to force his and Yasen's mini-society out of the cycle of death and rebirth, injures an enraged and protective Yasen in a fight to the point she succumbs to her wounds and dies.

This happens right before the eyes of Nyx, who is horrified and blames herself, Ventria and Shax (other two personifications mentioned earlier), who had become like little siblings to Yasen in Ash's absence, and Attwell, who had only just been starting to find a community and people who cared about her and was coming around to the idea of staying with them, all courtesy of Yasen. Faux, though aware of Yasen's death and her significance to Attwell, does not witness Ash's actions and continues to meet with him. Attwell, hateful of Ash and defeated in every way possible, leaves the city without a word to anyone. Nyx returns to her place of isolation to grieve, while Ash is left to sit with the feeling of essentially killing his sister.

2. Attwell, tired and having been broken, built back up, and now broken all over again, returns to where she grew up, begging for forgiveness. She is given the ultimatum that, if she is to return, she is to serve a minor deity responsible for the forest's wellbeing, as resources have been dwindling. Attwell accepts the ultimatum, desperate for any amount of belonging, acceptance, or praise from an authority figure.

This manifests in a wedding-like ceremony where it is revealed that pledging herself to this deity in the way needed would kill her, as the deity would possess her. This revelation comes at very inopportune time, having only been disclosed to Attwell at the altar by the deity itself, and by accident no less. For Attwell, who has ever only been a child used as a sacrificial lamb for the majority of her life, this is the straw that breaks the camel's back. Full of regret, rage, and mental exhaustion, Attwell accepts the deity, loses control of herself, and violently murders the ringleader of the society/the main instigator of her mistreatment, in addition to causing massive collateral damage as a result of out-of-control plant powers. In the aftermath, running on fumes, Attwell limps away to find Nyx and, in her mind, say her goodbyes.

3. Faux, having been left behind by Attwell, finds himself alone again in the aftermath of Yasen's death. Her city, and her little siblings, are significantly rattled and at a loss of what to do in her absence. They'd never had to grieve before -- they never even knew the meaning of what death truly meant. And now Faux-- the only adult in a sea full of freshly-traumatized and grief-filled children --strangely starts to feel as if he's been in this situation before.

He sticks around to help Shax and Ventria with the fallout, and with the death of their older sister. He's worried about Attwell but- there's just. Something. here that needs his attention. He's been having flashes of a life that he thinks might be is, and he's on the verge of figuring out what the deal with that is. Eventually, he discovers Ash lurking around in the back alleys of the city, with a heavy air of contemplation and an undertone of regret. The two meet up, Faux unknowing the Ash is the direct cause of the city's great loss, and venture into depths of the city only privy to Ash and Yasen. They fall down a sinkhole or something and get isolated, met with a cave full of darkness and crystals clean enough to reflect the tiniest details with stunning clarity. They venture deeper and deeper into the cave in an attempt to escape, Faux's head starting to pound with increasing pain as Ash grows concerned. As the pain grows to agony, Faux is met with flashes of memory, and soon enough what was the solid ground of his mind -- his consciousness, his sense of self, what he thought he knew -- crumbles. Faux plummets. and then, He remembers. First, he remembers himself. Then he remembers the woman he met long ago, and their affair. Then, he remembers the kid. His kid. His daughter. His daughter who is very much still alive, who he's seen throughout the past few months everywhere -- scripture, folk stories, stained glass in religious congregation -- Faux is left reeling on the ground, shocked and terrified and devastated. and Ash, confused and unable to cope, Leaves him. Later, when Faux begins to wake from his shock, finds himself alone, and he knows exactly who he needs to see.

Now! With all of that out of the way, we can get to the animatic.

(apoligies for taking so long to actually answer your question)

What's below is the TLDR of what's happening in the animatic:

However,

if you will indulge me in yapping more about these four, you can read on for a more in-depth scene of what is happening in the animatic:

Everyone is looking for Nyx.

Attwell gets there first.

The two reunite, emotionally exhausted and in greatly in need of seeing the other. Over the time they have gotten to know each other, Nyx has found someone her age that gets her -- that doesn't idolize, or infantilize, or minimize what she's gone through-- and though Attwell can't truly understand the scope of it, she's willing to let Nyx do what she needs. And Attwell, so used to being used, has found someone who respects her autonomy and intelligence. Though these two have not gotten a proper moment to truly hang out like normal teens, there is respect, and adoration, and there are the beginnings of love. Their happy reunion is short-lived.

Ash gets there next.

Unwell and unsure of his previous actions, he sees them together. He first sees Nyx -- the kid who he's come to care for and grow protective over, and Attwell -- the rambunctious girl that fought him every step of the way in his city, over what to do with the people he was charged with caring for, and who emboldened his sister to fight with him to the point that he had to kill her to get what he needed done. Safe to say, he is deeply unhappy with this development. Safe to say, that girl needs to get the hell away from his kid. Attwell soon becomes aware there's someone watching her and Nyx. She looks, and sees the man who murdered the only other adult in her life (apart from Faux) that didn't see her as cannon fodder. She's not about to let this man take away one of the only good things she has left in her left. Not again. Not when she's got such little time left. So she gets up, puts herself between the two, and resolves that, if there's anything-- anyone she's going to sacrifice herself for, it's going to be Nyx.

Nyx had always been there. With herself.

She'd been with only herself. For years, for decades, for millenia-- she didn't know. She hadn't even been old enough to read a clock when her dad died, so it's not like counting would have done anything for her. Besides, There were no clocks left. No calendars or alarm clocks, no sundials or hourglasses. She had destroyed everything in her wake, and left nothing in the aftermath. Everything that had mattered was gone. She had left everything ruined, and continued that path into the afterlife. But now. they mattered. The two in front of her. This man who had aided her through her lowest, despite claiming indifference. She knew he cared for her. Even in the earliest beginnings of their meeting, she knew. Could one child have four parents? The first two hadn't cared for her -- she knew that now. But she had killed the third, and now the fourth... Could a child like her deserve a fourth? A child that had achieved nothing but death, and was only rewarded with more murder? And the girl in front of her... The girl that she hadn't even been aware of months ago, that had both more and less than Nyx had ever had. The girl that had sought her out in her time of need. Nyx had never known friendship. She knew of it -- of the characters on the TV she used to watch as a little girl, sitting with her dad as he braided her hair and told bad jokes. She saw it looking out onto the street from the window of the one-bedroom apartment she lived in when her mother was gone. She longed for it. Attwell was it for her. Friendship, love, family- Nyx had only ever known the concepts. But she knew. and now, She was horrified. The sight before her was nothing short of ravenous. These two, who she had come to hold so deeply in her heart, clawed and punched and stabbed at each other with nothing but pure, unadulterated violence. She couldn't tell whose blood was whose. It didn't matter. She needed it to stop. She needed something to happen- She needed to someone to do something- She needed to make it stop- The tension in her mind snapped. something had released. She couldn't see what- she had closed her eyes without thinking. But there was silence. and then, there was a sickening thud.

Faux had gotten there last.

And he had gotten there too late. What laid before him, was the most unfortunate, most one-in-a-million-unluckiest-fucking-horrifying thing he had ever seen in his life. First, he saw his daughter, his little girl, face frozen in shell-shocked, ice-cold terror as she sat on the floor, legs unable to support the weight of what she had just done. Then, he saw the man he had been coming to like more than a little over the past few months standing, with talon-like nails and hands painted in warm blood, face obscured, fingers twitching. And finally, he saw the corpse. He saw the child. corpse. of the girl he had gotten to know. Of the young girl that was so bright, despite what she had gone through and what people had done to her. The young, fragile girl he let leave while he stayed behind to try and pick up pieces he wasn't even sure were there at the time she left. The spear lodged in her chest was the only thing that was new. He had seen it only a few times. The same places he had remembered his daughter from-- they had always accompanied her in her depictions. The heavens' wrath, they said. His eyes returned to his daughter. and his heart broke. Because it was like watching her fall and scrape her knee as a kid. Because she was silent. Because then she crawled forward, and pitifully grasped the shirt sleeve of the only friend she had ever had. Because her tears welled up, face catching up to the scene before her. Because then, She wailed.

-----------

I didn't mean for this to turn into me essentially writing fanfiction about my own characters, but here we are!!!

I have been getting back into writing lately, so maybe this was a good little exercise to get the creative juices flowing :))

MASSIVE thank you if you read until the end!!!!!

I am always open to more questions if you have any!!

[bitterrobin]

Bette for the character ask game you just rebloggdf

You didn't specify any questions, so I'll answer a good handful of them!! :). yippee

So, Bette.

My first impression of her was a generic comic book blonde, but now that I've fully submerged myself into DC/Batman lore - I can appreciate her character and her wasted potential.

I truly started liking Bette when I read Hawk and Dove Annual 1, she has such a clear and fun personality here. I'm a sucker for outwardly bitchy characters with good hearts, and that's what Bette was there.

I have a playlist, so I'll pick a song from there. Laughing on the Outside by Bernadette Carroll is a good one. I think I've already talked about how I heavily associate Bette with 60s/70s music - and emotional crooners with teenage female singers just scream Bette to me.

(lumped together with 5 and 6) tbh I don't really ship Bette with a lot of characters. Tom, obviously - but that's a ship created purely by myself. Maybeeee Bette and Helena from some interesting fic I've read, but I honestly steer more towards Helena/Babs/Dinah. Uhmmmm. Hm. Yeah, I guess that's it.

I'll skip some questions to get to my last two.

14. Best storyline would be Beast Boy 2000, and everyday I mourn what could have been. I would've loved to see Bette continue on as the new and improved Flamebird while working with Gar, but DC sucks.

16. One childhood headcanon, that I'll probably work into the au, is that before her dad died, Bette had dreams to also become an architect, and she spent several years of her childhood obsessed with ancient buildings and architectural history. Simon's death and the trauma of the car accident shattered that dream, so Bette was aimless for a while. Kathy then redirected her towards sports (and spy training), which then snowballed into vigilantism. Bette definitely still has bits of knowledge embedded in her brain, and will regale you with the history of Italy's domes.

[moonshinemusings]

TF 141 + friends during Christmas headcanons (with s/o included) (Pt.1)

Warnings: slight mentions of canon typical violence, mentions of trauma, a few naughty jokes

A/N: I got so carried away it's a miracle I even finished these

John "Soap" MacTavish

• Absolutely loves the holidays and he would never end a year without celebrating Christmas

• The cold isn't his favourite, but he's used to it since Scotland gets chilly more often than not

• Expect a lot of childlike happiness in general around this time of the year from him. He has so many fond memories of his childhood about Christmas and he gets reminded of something by the smallest things. It's adorable when he starts rambling about a memory while you two are doing something like shopping or watching TV

• He's down for playing in the snow with you, but don't expect him to hold back in snowball fights. He's careful to never truly hurt you, but you still get some snow thrown in your face and tackled to the ground now and then

• If you challenge him to build a snowman or make a snow angel, you can bet he's going to do them as if his life was on the line. He's a competitive guy

• You should let him win every time, because he gets even more cheerful when you feed his ego and his wide grin is worth seeing every second

• He's a pro at building snowmans though, so you probably couldn't win against him even if you really wanted (where he gets coal and carrots every time is a mystery)

• He's really bad at ice skating, but will still try if you want to go with him

• He loves cuddling up and getting cozy under warm blankets inside. Be it watching a movie, resting next to the fireplace or watching the snow with hot cocoas in your hands, he lives for these calm moments where you are all bundled up together

• Likes those really bad Christmas movies and forces you to watch them for the 10th time every year (it's worth hearing his laugh or dumb impressions though)

• He loves how the cold weather gives him a reason (not that he needs one) to see you in his oversized clothes. Some of his favourite moments are when he can get his cold hands under your (his) sweatshirts and make you jump and screech. Partly because it's funny, but also becasuse you two always end up warming up in each other's embrace locked in a hug

• Matching ugly sweaters? Naturally. Somehow he always find the most ridiculous ones

• Finds adorable how rosy your cheeks get out in the cold and how red your nose turns

• Will call you Deer (which sounds the same as Dear tbh, especially from his mouth)

• He constantly sings Christmas songs, please someone stop him

• He's going to use so many pick up lines. Ones like "Shouldn’t you be on top of the tree, Angel?" or "Let’s pretend to be presents and get laid under the tree"

• Let's be honest, he looks really cute in puffy coats and scarves around his neck, shielding him from the harsh weather. Although, he's the type of guy to run around in a thin jacket over a single sweatshirt, so you're going to have to make him wear warmer clothes. We don't want him getting sick, because he turns into a big baby

• He finds gift giving a great way to show his love and appreciation and even when he's gifting something as a joke, you know it's coming from his heart and he doesn't mean anything bad by it

• He loves the traditional dishes and can and will devour everything that gets put in front of him

• Will drink all the eggnog and similar holiday drinks

• He also likes to try out the festive drinks around the popular places

• Always spends the holiday with his family when his job let's him, but would love to have you with them if you are comfortable with the idea (and vice versa ofc)

• He loves decorating your Christmas tree, especially if he gets to put the star on the top when you are done. Somehow he's also really good at the whole thing, putting the ornaments just the right places

• Even if they rarely have a celebration around the base, he's still there to bring the holiday spirit

• He isn't afraid to decorate around the base and wear dumb Christmas sweaters, and his cheerful behaviour is contagious. Soon enough everyone is ready to celebrate, even the usually grumpy ones (Ghost wanted to punch him when he put a Santa hat on his head somehow, but in the end didn't)

• Maybe not everyone is into the idea, but he always gets something small for his friends. A book here, a scarf there, sometimes personal items (perfume, handmade mask), but he never forgets about anyone

• He cried once because Price sat down with a bottle of his favourite whiskey to just talk when neither of them were able to get home in time for Christmas. It meant so much to him, having his mentor by his side, just casually listening to anything he was saying and spending time with him because he actually wanted to

+ he teases Rodolfo constantly with Rudolf jokes this time around and gets slapped on a regular basis by Ghost who can't deal with his overflowing energy

--- ☃ ---

Kyle "Gaz" Garrick

• Munches on candy canes 24/7, it's a wonder how his teeth are still intact

• You can bet he buys the most ridiculous looking Christmas sweaters and makes countless of photos of you wearing them

• He's the one putting mistletoes over every doorframe at base, looking out for possible victims (sometimes Soap helps too, but they both end up getting slapped on the head by Ghost for being so dumb)

• Your home is going to get decorated to the brim. If you don't want him putting stuff somewhere you gotta warn him, otherwise ornaments, garlands and similar will be everywhere

• He loves Christmas lights and you're going to have at least two in the house (on the windows, tree, rails by the stairs etc.)

• He always catches a cold during winter somehow, but it doesn't last longer than a few days luckily

• Loves baking gingerbread and never forgets about it. He makes them in all kinds of shapes and you two decorate them together. Somehow he always ends up eating most of them in the next few days unintentionally. He just loves them is all

• Prone to randomly play Christmas songs and dance around the living room/kitchen with you

• He loves to sing Baby It's Cold Outside with you, especially in the og duet way

• When his nose and ears get all red after being out long in the cold, he looks younger than he actually is

• He wears one specific scarf every year: you gave him a handmade one a few years back and he loves to have a reminder of you with him at all times

• Snowball fights are in order, even snow man making is on the list

• He always gives the snow men dumb names like Carrot or Mr. Snow

• He's the one with Soap who bring the holiday spirit to the base every year, but he's been influencing Laswell and Price more too

• He usually spends the holidays with his family and he's more than happy if you want to join him/ invite him to your family gathering

• Most of the times if they have a little celebration with the team it's just them, but he can sweet talk and beg his way into taking you with him if you want him to

• Somehow he always drinks too much alcohol during the night and he doesn't even like most of the liquors. It's fine though, he never gets too out of it because he has enough brains to pay attention and know you will be pissed

• He makes every present special somehow, be it by taking you out to your favourite place then giving you something, sneaking something into your stuff when you're not looking or simply putting it under the tree and waiting for you to notice

• His gifts range from silly to really heartwarming and he never fails to surprise you

• Often writes really heartfelt notes inside of funny Christmas cards and gifts it to everyone he knows

• He's likely to tear up if you give him something really thoughtful/that means a lot to him

• He likes wrapping presents and he has a talent for making them look good too

• Likes Christmas shopping, but the crowds quickly make him regret going (especially the slow walkers and elderly)

• He's a romantic by heart, but somehow just can't handle Christmas hallmark movies

--- ☃ ---

Simon "Ghost" Riley

• Not a fan of the holidays thanks to his family situation. Christmas always brings grim and bittersweet memories back, so he gets more closed off than usual

• For you, he's going to try though

• He hates the smell of cinnamon for some reason

• Also dislikes anything ginger flavoured, but eats/drinks it nevertheless when you chastise him "It makes you healthier and more resistant Simon"

• He's going to scarf down anything else you make him though, especially if it's traditional dishes

• He's also going to try cooking himself, but will only succeed making a few specific dishes. Those are going to taste heavenly though

• Will only wear Santa hats and ugly sweaters for you and he's not going to let anyone else see him in them

• Likes candy canes and different kinds of special holiday chocolates and sweets

• He often comes home from work grumbling about Soap's idiotic pranks and his everlasting holiday spirit, but he's never truly mad at him. Sometimes they make him giddy too and bring some warmth into his heart about Christmas

• He's never sure about gift giving and for the most part he feels like it's unnecessary. But he will always make an exception for you by giving you something that means much to you. He still likes giving more than getting though, because he doesn't feel like he deserves any of them

• Will only let you play slow and less known Christmas songs, No Mariah Carey or anything similar. You can often catch him humming songs under his breath though, maybe even the most mainstream ones he claims to hate

• He loves the pretty lights all over the city and will help you put some up too. He's good at that and somehow always knows how and why they often get ruined (catch him stare up at the lights with big eyes like a cat, lost in thought)

• The cold and the snow is just another thing that he can put into the back of his mind and mostly ignore, but if you love them, some of the enthusiasm might spread to him too

• It would be a big step for him, but he'd like to visit your family with you. It would take a while for him to warm up to the idea, but eventually he'd agree. He might get a few breakdowns and very emotional moments during the whole visit, but he would be deeply grateful for showing him how lovely it is to have a loving family, especially during the holidays

--- ☃ ---

John Price

• The dad™ who either gets angry because he can't untangle the Christmas lights, or falls down the ladder while putting them up

• Looks really good in a Santa hat tbh

• He might secretly take up Santa gigs for some extra money

• Sit on Santa's lap jokes 😭

• He wouldn't admit it out loud, but it brings him comfort seeing the team so happy during the holidays

• That's the sole reason he lets them have their fun, decorating the base and all the such. Otherwise he wouldn't care too tuch, holidays don't really excite him

• He likes that it gives him more off time though, especially if he can spend it with you

• He often grumbles about snow getting on his clothes, and you have to scold him to take his boots off before making his way into your house. The man just brings all the snow in and you have to clean the water up

• It's funny but also kind of adorable when little snow crystals land on his beard

• The type to absolutely devour Christmas dinner, then drink 3 bears and end up sleeping on the couch, snoring loudly

• That doesn't happen too often, but when it does it's just a sign he feels comfortable enough in your presence to do that

• He sneaks cookies off the plates all the time, and candy canes off the tree. You have to hit his hand like grandmothers do, otherwise he will just do it again

• Can't cook for shit, but he loves watching you make dishes and listen to you explain them

• Gives small gifts to his men, always making sure it's something they're going to like. He pays attention all year for birthdays and holidays

• He's a bit old-fashioned, so his gifts are mostly just spending quality time together and giving you something small but meaningful

• He appreciates anything you give to him, but he always tells you your company is enough to make him happy

• No family celebrations towards his end, but he's more than happy to accompany you

• He gets little presents for your younger siblings too if you have any

• He celebrates with Laswell though, usually just going out for drinks just the two of them, or visiting her and her wife. He gives her wife gifts too and he always gets some in return

• Always hums the worst Christmas songs, if you hate them it's purely out of teasing too

--- ☃ ---

Kate Laswell

• The mom™ who gets present for all her children every year

• She makes amazing cookies and usually lets Gaz help when making them

• Her and her wife always watch every horrible movie in the TV, it's basically a tradition

• When the others want to watch sports at base (Soap and Price), she's going to switch to Christmas movies. Nobody is brave enough to truly argue with her

• She loves the holidays, but she's not as hyped about it as the others. She loves that it gives her more off time with her wife and the overall vibes, but the soft and calm ones

• She's more likely to listen to calming songs and ones without singing in them than the mainstream ones

• She lets the others off the hook more easily during the holidays

• Loves making Christmas wreaths and Price gets a new one gifted to him every year

• She's really supportive and always makes sure the others know they can spend Christmas with her if they don't have anywhere else to go. Her wife is always more than happy to see them, and they can always just cook for one or two more people

--- ☃ ---

If you don't like the holidays (personal reasons or otherwise) or don't have anyone to spend them with, all of these guys are more than willing to be by your side. They are happy to take you to their family gatherings or to their teams, and they would never force you to celebrate something you wouldn't want to. They will always make sure you are comfortable with their ideas and their top priority will be your happiness :)

[kyriefae]

*This is a TL;DR maybe trauma dump kinda post so fair warning. 😉

I have been no-contact with my parents for about a year and a half now. I'd say in that time I've found peace I wasn't affording myself before and I hadn't consciously been able to figure out why. I held on to a sense of guilt and obligation they imbedded in me; indoctrinated into my brain.

I let them go at the age of 32.

I let them know my reasoning but I also note on here a very important thing they were and will likely never know: they don't know I'm nonbinary and they don't know I'm bisexual.

Their acceptance isn't something I crave because I have long since lost it. I've grieved it's loss a thousand times over; many sleepless, tear-filled nights wore away at the desire to feel their acceptance like rain to stone.

It started with "Mom, Dad...I'm not Catholic" at 16 and snowballed from there. The amount of therapists and counselors and priests they sent me to and the sheer distance emotionally they created with me had profoundly negative consequences on our relationship. Not to mention the heightened sense of awareness I began to note as to how much they wondered or cared about my preferences or my day or my thoughts on things. They established a power dynamic and believed they could throw money at the problem; but their "problem" was me. A non-dogmatic child.

I say all of this to build at least a semblance of context around the significance that a couple of days ago, I re-downloaded the book of faces to my phone. I generally don't care to use the app but friends of mine remain connected through messenger. Anyway, my mother reblogged the prototypical Christian supremacy thought line on the opening ceremony of the Olympics. Specifically the part where she and so many other people, fueled through hatred, see a drag showcase of the Feast of Dionysus and think of it as an abomination unto her lord.

...

It's a quiet pain.

Quiet because I expected as much but I know now I was correct. Correct to preserve myself. To look after my own safety; to walk away.

...if she'd heard her youngest child who staunchly accepts agnosticism is ALSO "one of those queers" well ...she'd have a downright panic attack. The phone calls I would receive alone would send me into a spiral. Instead...I know where I stand. I know where she and my father and my siblings stand.

Over there in their echo chamber of heteronormative, god-fearing obligations, duties, and restrictions. Atop their pedestals looking down upon the rest of us that live our lives in every other sort of manner.

While I'm over here. Loving the beauty that exists out there in the world and genuinely moved by what I've been seeing these Olympics. Especially the opening ceremony.

Gojira!? Are you kidding me? I fucking love them. Whales are in the sky!

If you've read this much, know that I'm sending you the positive vibes I plan to instill in my day. You're included and you're valid. 💞

Kisses.

[zoyaofthegardvn]

any zoyalina headcanons?

Zoyalina Headcanons

A/N: Oh boy, do I! They're probably my favorite sapphic crackship, with Manon and Elide coming in second. Zoyalina has my heart, I love to write for them. Thanks so much for the request!

CW: None that I can think of!

They're totally the enemies to lovers we deserved (and for the sake of this fic, the enemies to lovers we got)

I think when Zoya got over her jealousy, and started working more on growing her own power, she let herself admit how gorgeous Alina is, how smart and talented

I think their romantic relationship really started when Alina noticed how protective Zoya is of her, especially defending her against the Darkling, Mal, and Nikolai, men who were only ever attracted to what she could do but never to who she actually is

When Alina confronts her about it, they get into a little fight where Zoya tries to deny all of it

But, eventually, Zoya just says, "They don't care about you! Not really, not like I do."

And it all snowballs from there

They share their first kiss on the palace grounds, in a meadow

Alina's chastising Zoya for not coming out with warmer clothes

But Zoya hadn't been thinking about it, she just wanted to follow Alina, whom she watched leave in a haste

Alina summons light to warm the both of them, and it was actually Alina, the shy one of the two, that leaned in for the kiss while they huddled around her cupped hands

Zoya froze, and Alina tried to apologize for being so forward before Zoya cut her off with a kiss of her own

They steal shy, secret kisses after that, sneaking off to little rooms, nooks and crannies, the meadow, of course

Eventually, Zoya gets fed up with men trying to win over the Sun Summoner's affection, and so she kisses her in public, at a Grisha training session

Some people are surprised, but lots of people, like Genya, David, Tamar, Tolya, they're all just shocked it took this long

When they talk about it later, Zoya tells Alina that she loves her for the first time

Alina doesn't hesitate to say it back

They're unabashedly public after this

When Alina loses her power to kill the Darkling, Zoya supports her through all of it, the trauma, the grief

She even takes time away from her General duties to help Alina heal, mentally

It takes time, but eventually, after they open an orphanage together, they return home, to the palace

Zoya spends a lot of time defending Alina when she isn't around, insisting that Alina will always be Grisha

When Alina overcomes the loss of her powers, she takes on a more formal role at the palace, mostly working in community outreach

When the whole mess with the Darkling coming back happens, they're side by side during all of it, Alina supporting Zoya as her powers change, and Zoya supporting Alina as she has to face the Darkling again

When it's all over, when they once again are shrouded with grief, it only makes them closer

On the night that Zoya is officially made Queen of Ravka, Zoya proposes to Alina, asking her to be her queen

Alina's hesitant at first, unsure if Ravka would accept that

But Zoya insists that she doesn't care. If she's to have the throne, she wants the love of her life by her side, she doesn't want Alina to be an undercover lover she has to hide

Alina eventually agrees, and they marry quickly, a small, private ceremony, in their meadow, of course

They are the definition of domestic bliss

I'm talking soft kisses

Arms wrapped around the other's waist from behind

They love their friends, but they spend so much time alone

They're just obsessed with each other

They're mostly in that meadow, they can't help it, it's their favorite place

Zoya spoils Alina even when Alina insists it isn't necessary

And Alina worries over Zoya like a mother hen, even when Zoya's the most powerful Grisha alive

They argue like little old ladies, too

It's never over something serious

Mostly Alina scolding Zoya for not dressing for the weather, or Zoya getting on Alina for not taking guards with her when she goes out

They try to keep it tame when in public, and mostly, they do, but Zoya really can't help but keep her hand on Alina's thigh when they're sitting together

And Alina can't help but keep a hand on Zoya's back when they walk the halls of the palace

As much as they try to be lowkey, for the sake of public image, it's obvious to literally everyone how in love they are

The love story of the Queens of Ravka goes down in history as one of the most beautiful, one of the most beloved stories of all time

Two saints madly in love, strengthening and leading Ravka for a long, long time! <3

[cleverthylacine]

I just saw your post, and I also just watched Episode One and was absolutely furious about it. I've been looking forward to this season!

I was so into the thought of new baby Terrans! I was thrilled at the idea of Breakdown having a kid! That sounded awesome! Even with Aftermath giving me immediate Motormaster vibes, I was initially hopeful being like, Okay, maybe the Emberstone Theory about who last touched it affecting the creations is true.

Maybe Breakdown being in Menasor is going to be brought up.

Maybe we get to see Breakdown dealing with raising a baby Stubticon a la their G1 more wild personalities, and he gets to give them the parenting he didn't get.

Maybe it's going to be continuing the family and breaking abuse cycle themes. That could be cool. Let Aftermath have a rougher personality, but be a good kid. Let other Cons get babies, too.

But I got immediate ick with the descriptions of the "Chaos Terrans," by Alex. It makes no sense. And how they are "corrupted". What?! Hated that.

Me and my Roomie spent the entire time going "BUT WHY???" with the opening! I wanted to see the Cons and Bots working together! The relationships built last Season were fun! THAT WAS ALL THE FUN STUFF!

I loved Hashtag & Starscream and Tarantulas & Nightshade! So much was unpacking different trauma from the war on both sides.

Everyone has issues! Explore them! Continue the theme of not passing on your trauma to your kids and healing and a new generation without war! Getting the future, they all wanted just not how they wanted it!

And the Quintessons would have been a great villain! Especially with all the mucking about Quintus did and their call out with the Sharkticons! AND IN EPISODE TWO THE EVEN PLAY WITH IT BY DIRECTLY CONNECTING THE FACT THAT A QUINTESSON EXECUTIONER WAS ON THE HUNT FOR QUINTUS! WHY WOULD THEY NOT JUST USE IT!

THE DECEPTICONS COULD HAVE GONE FULL SANCTUARY STATION! IT WAS RIGHT THERE!

Sorry to rant, but your criticism was similar to my own! And now I am on the edge of pulling a full V.O.S. of my own on Earthspark. I am just gnashing my teeth at this. I have to write an Alt-Season Two or I'll scream. Worst part is this was supposed to be a treat for a stressful day. 😭

ACK how do I spoiler cut the ask itself?

Welp, I'll put a spoiler tag on it, hopefully people are filtering those.

*hugs*

Man I get it, you just got mad, didn't you? I watched it and I just got madder and madder and madder.

I guess I'm gonna have to steal some characters. Go write your alt-season-2. Make it RavWave and I'll love you forever.

I wanted Hashtag to bond with Star so fucking much. And Tara and Nightshade. I love Nightshade and Hashtag, tbh I'm not that interested in Twitch and Thrash.

I don't understand why they did any of this. A lot of people in places like TFW2005 were complaining about how "woke" they thought it was, maybe they decided to go back to G1, but holy fucking crap it just sucks. I'm not going to watch the rest of it. I might watch the episodes that Ravi and Wave are in, maybe, just to like, SEE them. But maybe not. I don't want this.

The thing about "pulling a VoS" is that it will grow. I thought I was going to write a story where Ravage left the Lost Light, went home to Soundwave, and everything was, well, not 100% fine, but as fine as it ever is in IDW. @sharkteethies and I were joking about how Ravage would get to be Prom Queen and Starscream would maybe mope a little (the Prom Queen jokes come from there, but I gave them to Swerve because Swerve.)

But then as things happen they snowball. Maybe you don't have to be like me and shove every character you ever loved from the rest of the franchise into one AU (they are all there because they fill a need though). But whether you do that or not, you eventually have to go into the past to figure out why things worked out different this time.

(I got to cheat some because briefcase.)

VoS gets very dark and "Every Day Is A Winding Road" is particularly bleak in places, but it has to get dark so the sun can rise.