#and frankly I'm just so tired
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Ahhhh I am so here for all of your WIPs, and now I must know more about “Rebecca Stark the Wolf King” if you want to talk about it!
WIP Ask Game
(The main file in this is called 'Robb Stark Now Has a Vagina' just FYI)
There's so many files in my folder that have been languishing for YEARS that I've deleted out so many, and saved a few that I feel very partial to!
So Rebecca Stark was my genderbent Robb Stark AU from.... a decade ago? (yeah this is 2013). She was marrying one of the Royces, Robert Baratheon was being a little weird. I had Kristen Stewart a'la Snow White as the face claim because it fit SO WELL and I made some amazing photoshop art for it (and my first time giffing! and I still have those on my desktop).
Here's a snippet behind the cut!
Father had ventured in his slightly awkward way he had whenever he was forced to remember that his oldest, his ‘Bex’, was in fact a woman. He had simply asked what she had thought of Prince Joffrey.
Rebecca did not care for falsehoods but she understood dangerous grounds. So she had answered carefully that she couldn’t actually say whether or not she cared for him as she didn’t know him.
“There you are.”
She glanced up to see her mother coming toward her and she spared her a smile. “Are you sisters taken-- Rebecca! Why isn’t he outside?”
Grey Wind looked up at Catelyn curiously, a whine in the back of his throat and Rebecca shrugged. “It felt safer with him.”
“Safer? That wolf needs to get outside, Rebecca. I told you.”
Rebecca sucked in her lower lip and thought of how in the torchlight the lines on her mother’s face look deeper and more abundant. There is the slightest wisp of silver at her crown and how queenly her mother looks compared to Cersei Lannister. “It’s not like we’re hosting Lord Bolton and his flayed banners.” She wanted to tell her the truth -- that the King makes her uncomfortable. That the Queen’s eyes pierced her back every time she walked past and there’s nothing she could do about it except hide and it isn’t an option.
Her mother’s hand was warm as it slid across her shoulders, her arm a gentle and comforting weight as Catelyn led them into Rebecca’s bedroom, sitting her down at the dressing table. Rebecca looked at their reflections as she watched her mother reach for the comb to work on binding back her thick, dark hair. The sensation of her mother’s nails against her scalp soothed her and Grew Wind pads to the fireplace and curls up on the rug behind them.
Sometimes if Rebecca looked hard enough she could see the similarities in them. The reddish hue to her dark locks had faded over time but their eyes are the same pale green. The same nose, the same Tully jaw. Rebecca remembered sitting in front of the mirror as a child trying to mimic her mother’s stern looks in a way to get her siblings to listen to her.
“Smile more, Rebecca. A lady should always smile.”
Most of Catelyn’s lines were from her warm smiles. The dimples in her cheeks were evidence of that, the little wrinkles in the corners of her eyes and yet that is where her Stark rears it’s head again. Stern dourness that makes the Stark so sullen.
Queen Cersei looks dour, she thought. Starks look reticent. Serious. Regla rulers of the North.
Frigid Starks, Theon’s teasing voice filters. Ice Queen.
#oc: rebecca stark#thank you for the ask!#much like project ironwolf#I have no idea how these would work out since we don't know how ASOIAF ends#and frankly I'm just so tired#also there's just so much
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The thing no one ever considers while writing up character analyses about Merlin is that. he must have been sooooooo sleepy.
#I see everyone talking about the nuances when you look at Merlin through [x] lens#BUT WHAT ABOUT THE SLEEPY LENS#WE CAN’T KEEP SLEEPING ON THE SLEEPY LENS#(can u tell I'm exhausted)#see this reads as if I'm joking but I'm actually being SO serious. I think the lack of rest was a significant factor in Merlin's conduct#IF he got a solid 8 hours of sleep + 2 hours minimum JUST to himself everyday uninterrupted... I just know things would turn out different#like it isn't even asking for much. decent sleep + a frankly sad amount of down-time. and yet. I know he didn't get that w those 3 jobs#ugh#he must have been TIRED do you hear me#even applies to morgana she looked tired tbh. those prophetic dreams probably weren't great for restfulness. sad what she did but#she did seem sleepy#okay ignore this I am going through it. extrinsic intrinsic coagulation pathways have gotten to me if u know what I mean#actually wait no if anyone sees this don't ignore it#HE MUST HAVE BEEN SO SLEEPY and everyone must understand. SLEEPy.#I hope I do not wake up and reread this and wonder why I posted this. but like I feel like I am the correctest person on planet earth rn#I've been thinking abt merlin's nap deprived state for years now tbh#merlin#bbc merlin
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Goodbye Krakoa. Stay dead bitch. No more mutant islands.
Can we stop making ethnostates now like can we stop doing that in comics. Can we not keep saying "minorities are safe nowhere but in their own country that doesn't let certain people and also they might not even be safe because Evil People might get jealous and kill them". Ultimately this era has done nothing to explore why ethnostates are bad in any real way. It has done nothing to actually explore how being complicit in the creation of an ethnostate is a Bad Thing. We had some events but we didn't explore anything because we were too scared of making some of our faves look bad. I just actually hate the statements this era has ended up saying and I hate the fact that heroic characters are mourning over the loss of an ethnostate founded by eugenicists. These politics are ugly. And worse yet I see people mourning the loss of the fictional ethnostate like have we all lost our minds.
#brieuc.txt#further rant below#krakoa#xmen#negativity#i suppose.....#I'm tired so apologies if this isnt articulated#I just really feel frustrated with everything in this era#And I hope it stays gone frankly#this was simply too ambitious a project to be shared by that many creatives#this is something that needs to be written by one person I think and its been proven by how messy this wrapping up is#my feelings towards the clear 90s nostalgia are complex and generally negative but fuck dude. I'm glad the ethnostate is gone#because having heroic characters be sympathetic and loyal to an ethnostate is bad. It's fucking bad.
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"proship dni" this, "comship dni" that, "neutral dni" unfortunately the people you don't like are still human and deserve comfort. my fucking god shut the hell up you're just as annoying as they are and protest WAY too much about it. go unlearn your purity morality shit
#i dont even KNOW what comship means man#but im so tired of reading every instance of this under the sun with every post about selfshipping#like you realize a good CHUNK of the selfshipping community is going to BE them because they're already otherwise normally ostracized from#their communities for other reasons including being neurodivergent.#they deserve comfort too good lord shut the fuck up with the holier-than-thou “i'm better than you” attitude you're really fucking not and#frankly i'm more suspicious of people like you having something to hide about what they like and dislike#i'm neither pro nor anti nor neutral i'm just a human fucking being that stopped giving a shit about stuff that truly does not matter and#won't affect me in the long run. i'm an adult with more serious things to worry about.#it's like seeing the damn “dni” banners everywhere You Are Annoying.#also it's not like i like anything particularly 'heinous' anyways or pedophilic and i shouldn't need to clarify this but apparently i do!#i'm just sick of this purity culture bullshit i REALLY am#whether u want to hear this or not it is queerphobic and ableist. do u understand? cool.#proship#comship#f/o#selfship#selfshipping
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Augh
#fancy is really struggling#and the babies are lovely and just FASCINATING in how they developed around but not shaped by humans and i so very deeply enjoy them#but they are also a little ungovernable due to their age and general lack of caring about rules and they are bothersome and rowdy#and it is obviously so so hard on her and my heart is breaking because im afraid we wont be able to get her through this#and i will have to give the babies up#and...not have another cat#just one#i would be crushed#and added to all of that is that the babies are taking their time learning to be pets and that is fine and wonderful actually#but...i need surgery on at least one ankle and i won't be able to keep up with them if things haven't sorted themselves out by then#and they haven't become more manageable and fancy hasn't adjusted#so we are asking about meds for poor fancy and hoping that works#but she's really having a hard time guys and i am fighting so hard to cope in a household where i spend most of my time alone#with two animals who don't love me yet or interact with me like pets (i'm a source of three things: food and snuggles on demand and NO STOP#and one who is sad and not herself#and frankly it's terrible that i can't fix this#and i am trying not to lose my shit but this wasn't supposed to be so hard#and im afraid i may lose five cats and not three#and im already barely holding on#i don't know what to do and neither does my boyfriend#i don't want to turn around and have to tell you guys we can't keep the babies#i feel like i am failing at something i am supposed to be GOOD AT#i don't want to be in a house so empty#i can't live like that#having the babies is lovely#they're so alive and the boys were so sick by the end and the stress of the constant anxiety and grief as they faded away was crushing#even before they died#it's been so good to have them running about#i don't want to LOSE that#im so tired of LOSING things
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I realized that A Crown of Candy is actually the first time I've watched Zac Oyama play D&D, and it's frankly been wild watching how masterfully and quickly he sets up Lapin and the depths of this rabbit. I know it's been said that Zac's an excellent player, but it's one thing to hear and another to actually witness.
I feel like it probably shouldn't surprise anyone that the liar spellcaster with the religious bullshit is my favorite right off the bat, but it's funny because the first introduction of him did not endear me to him whatsoever, and in fact kind of off-put me, but every further piece of information about him, and in fact many of his offhand comments, feels like picking up a log on the ground and finding an entire microbiome underneath.
#yes I do know that his fate is not kind and frankly that makes it even better for me#I don't know how it happens (do not spoil it pls. I'm watching so slowly okay.) but regardless it feels fitting#also I was watching slowly but I will probably get through it faster now that I have motivation lol#me constantly: it's literally not that much content. just fucking watch it.#also me: but... I am so tired.... and so distracted..........#lapin cadbury#acoc#dimension 20
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ngl it makes me want to die a little bit that it's so often trans people who feel that sex is mutable but oppression is always-forever based on asab in ways that allow them to demand that information from other trans people. like it feels fucking bad. it feels bad when it's people holding up someone who posts a lot of selfies as transition goals to a degree they have to clarify what they have or haven't done or what "direction" they're going in, it feels worse when people are out there like "caster semenya is not tma" or whatever the fuck. i am, as always, not a trans woman, but here's a sentiment echoed by many of the trans women around me who log the fuck off, quoted directly from one: "people who draw a clear line where they say that semenya or khelif are tme and then call me tma are just calling me male at this point".
like i get it. i really do. we seek community and shared experiences, and we feel betrayed when people have less in common with us than we thought they did. [*more on this later.] but that's not those people's faults and my god in the case i'm seeing play out on twitter rn this poor person did absolutely nothing to intentionally mislead people, just posted pictures of their actual kid self. who looks a lot like i did, because shockingly enough "we can always tell" doesn't fucking work for trans people either!
on the one hand i move in intersex circles which are unapologetically welcoming in cis "dyadic" people with pcos, because it serves nobody to draw a clear line where mutilation or genetics or some ineffable childhood suffering are what make somebody intersex, especially when most of us (esp in places like nz) have never been karyotyped and are being treated for symptoms without a pinned-down cause anyway. the more of us there are the stronger we are, the more pressure we can exert on a medical profession which doesn't like to consider how common outliers are, how uneasy sex is at all. and then on the other hand there's dyadic trans people on the internet who've yelled me out of spaces because a couple of traumatised incarcerated trans women i worked with as a prison abolitionist assumed i was also a trans woman and i didn't immediately tell them my entire csa-involved history of being sexed in varying ways as an infant and child and/or exactly how big my phallus was at birth or where in my junk config my urethra lives so they could decide i was tme or whatever.
returning to the * for a related but not identical thought: i think presuming shared experiences leads to some fucked shit in general! "oh we all had a radfem phase" or "oh we all were channers" no we fucking weren't and it's particularly obnoxious when me & mine are trying to build trans community locally to organise and resist the growing wave of far-right backlash against our existence, and there's just white people in there on a spectrum from "straight up being antisemitic and trying to get the n-word pass" through "handwringing about how they need to make space for people who aren't politically correct" to "handwringing about how brown people are right to be mad at them but doing shit fuckall". and then the other fucking brown people in the space are on some identity politics shit where they're like "trans joy inherently excludes those of us who could get deported" or "big city white queers are killing us by being visible instead of going stealth bc it stirs up the discourse" or whatever the fuck i've heard pulled out this year. there's a bunch of reasons i primarily organise outside of trans spaces and that's one of them. i've never felt more alone in spaces where people claim we're all the same than being left as the brownest moderator or organiser in a space full of people to whom "this is a safe trans space" apparently means they get to abdicate all other responsibilities not to lapse into presumed shared patterns that are fucking racist or otherwise alienating. i've never felt more alone than surrounded by exclusively trans people who sort people into boxes and assume everyone in those boxes has the transition goals they have. like i was on cypro until it disagreed with me to the point of endocrine crisis and now i'm on t and at both those points people were so fucking presumptive or entitled to my reasons or journey or personal relationship w my body
literally just submitted on (and was invited to consult on) the nz law commission's review of the human rights act and like. it's straight up fucked how many nz trans people fully do not comprehend that any "sex assigned at birth" type definitions fundamentally exclude migrants who have no way of proving it and many intersex people who happen to have been reassigned later or many times or never assigned at all as a baby. we can't make law with this shit and that's why we have to have symmetrical protections for all genders/sexes/expressions/presentations, bc naming and defining a protected class here often leaves the people who already are left out from those shared experiences of marginalisation out in the cold when they face violence
#reblogs turned off because obviously i'm already bracing to be pilloried for saying one thing not quite correctly or whatever#and also bc i have zero interest in having this be boosted by trans dudes on their own transandrophobia agenda either#i'm just venting#but frankly the first time i got yelled at for saying that as an intersex person some of the immense violence i experienced as a child#was motivated by transmisogyny#i was a teenager and it was someone a fair bit older than me with more local clout so like. it's been a decade. how is it worse now.#intersex spaces have made SO much progress and yet#also yes i'm femme! i'm femme in a trans way! many dykes who aren't women are!#many of us got more comfortable w it as adults who had gender agency!#in literally the same way it took my wife ages after transitioning to work out she's also butch and doesn't actually want to do femme thing#bc that's a shared experience in how we've navigated the expectations of womanhood before opting out of the parts we don't want!#anyway the lawcomm shit was fucked bc honestl i don't give a shit if someone lost their gonads as an adult in an accident#they should be protected even if they don't consider themselves intersex#and we know that gender as an axis of oppression comes back to the reproduction of the nuclear family#and that cis women who can't have kids sometimes become the political football though ofc not as much by far and like#idk. y'all ever heard about solidarity? sometimes i feel like i'm back in the place where the loudest traumatised person at the party#is yelling at another young woman like “you'll never understand what it's like to be a victim”#when said young woman was assaulted the week before.#a politics that starts by defending and defining oneself w oppression kinda fucking sucks actually#and intersex people stopped policing intersexness by who got mutilated a long time ago#bc actually we want the generations ahead to not get that treatment#and when i see “trans elders” going on about how “if you pass and got on hrt before 18 you're not trans like i am” i'm like. why! what!#anyway. tired.#may regret this. we shall see#tony muses
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like. . .are any other Polin fans out there that do not give a singular flying fuck about Debling? we should form a club lol because from the very bottom of my heart and with my whole chest: I could not care less about him. Not sorry, I'm tuning into S3 for Pen and Colin and Pen and Colin alone
#polin#penelope featherington#colin bridgerton#like. . .i keep seeing all these theories about debling and i'm going '. . .and?'#someone: what if debling-#me: don't care. when is colin back on screen? i miss my boy#because really. . .who gives a fuck? he's a random oc who's gonna be gone by ep 3?#frankly i don't give a shit about him in any capacity#and tbh. . .like it's not even a contest for me. colin is SO much more attractive and appealing than debling#no shade to the actor i'm sure he's lovely but guys. . .luke newton is SO fucking fine#tired: colin gets jealous of debling because he's courting penelope and thus disapproves of them#wired: colin distrusts debling because he's a vegetarian and colin the foodie cannot trust a man who cuts out an entire food group#inspired: colin is friendly to debling and can always hype pen up around him but debling isn't listening because he's queer and likes him#y'all just 'care' about debling because he has no traits rn and you can turn him into your perfect male oc prize for penelope#'i ship pen with options' and i ship pen with colin. . .you know. . .like a polin shipper. . .crazy how that's. . .how it works#anywhoozle i am first and foremost a hater#fellow haters come join me we meet up on tuesdays and we have snacks
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#svsss#scum villains self saving system#shang qinghua#how I be feeling these days ahdnfjgkg#I keep stressing about life in general and its seriously bumming me out hajdjg#how nice it would be to not exist#everyday I wake up and do the same things I hate#time hasn't felt real in years and it goes way before covid times#I haven't felt real in most of those years either#Look I'm lucky I'm not like depressed or whatever but frankly this derealization shit is seriously startin to get a little worrying at times#tbf I only really notice it recently so maybe its just a bias#I've been chugging along this way for years all thats changed is my perception of it#but at the same time I really want to do more too#I get I'm a very boring and unreliable person#and I know I just said its my perception of it but like I do genuinely think my social skills my general living just like me mentally ig#I'm kinda deteriorating in my stagnation ig? artistically too but more worrying in my life idbfjg#priorities sorry anyways I also think I do have adhd or something and that rejection thing dhfjgjg I really can't start things anymore#idk I really just feel so clueless in most things now and I'm too scared or too confused or both to start fixing things#like how do I even fix things? what do I even search for in this kind of thing?#Idk I'm just gonna go sleep ig god I'm so tired of everything#I haven't been able to draw I've really lost passion for a lot of things again and everything irritates me#I can't stand my phone sometimes but it's kinda the only thing getting me through it all ha#ngl I wish I were depressed sometimes if only so I'd actually have the balls to do smth but Ik that's just the Metnally Ail part speaking so#chug chug going along#I also have to make wushi before I die. haha#god my life is so empty#what am I even doing#I'm really so tired why can't my life end here already? modern lifespans are too long how am I supposed to keep going on like this?#so pointless and vapid and its just me ? why did it have to be me that was born? couldn't someone else have been here I hate it here so much#I strive for nothing but I have such a long life and so many people to disappoint haha maybe I should go outside more
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Brief rant but there is something so appalling to me when I see a writer use AI-generated images (no I won't call it art because it isn't, tyvm) for the header/cover of their writing/fic.
People don't want their work scraped. Be it writing, visual arts, music or voices even. But then go and use AI-generated shit out of an art field they don't actively contribute to. It disgusts me. Have you no conscience or shame?
Most writers are actively against the use of AI. Many people don't want to read fics written by AI.
So for the love of god...
If you're against AI - fucking be against it in all art forms and not just your own. It's hypocritical af!
#🍁 dust rambles#gonna start blocking every single fic author I see using AI generated images#I'm tired of it#support fellow artists regardless of the field#don't be hypocritical and only be against it as long as it affects you#writing#lately I'm also seeing more and more musicians using AI for their song cover artworks#and it pisses me off beyond belief#a bit of reflection would do some people good#god I'm so angry about AI bullshit#and frankly I'm tired of seeing it#fucking low quality ass garbage#*inhales* I'm clam again#just needed to get this off my chest
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wore contact lenses instead of glasses today and almost burst into tears when i saw myself in the mirror. like. i want to be that guy. i'm so fucking tired of glasses & the way they distort my fucking face
#'just wear contacts all the time then' alas that shit hurts if i do it for longer than a couple of hours at a time#and looking at screens or trying to read any small text while wearing contacts is torture frankly#and so i'm stuck with Fucking Glasses. and so so SO tired#i'm tired of never seeing shit and never recognising anyone even when i do wear glasses bc my eyesight is apparently just that fucking bad#i'm tired i'm tired i'm TIRED. i don't recognise my own FACE in the mirror#since there's always Fucking Glasses on it and i forget what i look like without them#god nerfed me in a million little ways#but making me this nearsighted and then ineligible for laser eyesight corrections feels just especially cruel#personal blah#started googling laser eye surgery in the area and i'm about to give myself a bass boosted panic attack with it lmaoooo#then again. last time i looked into this was... five? six years ago? what if something changed since then. what if i COULD get it fixed now#hhhHHHHH. closing the websites! going to get groceries. going to Not Think About Any Of This or i'm gonna start fucking crying for real#god. i just love dreaming of surgeries i won't ever be able to get. BONKERS that it's surgeries plural btw but here we are huh!#yeah aight it's groceries time for real now. fuck
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i really am trying very hard to get better at not caring what people think of me but ummm. being rejected by my peers does still hurt a little!
#i was in my calculus class today and i was in a group with four people and like.#i could REALLY feel them not wanting to talk to me or kind of look at me much either#and also the first day of class our professor was making us do icebreakers (horrible) and i ended up being the only member of one group#just like. by chance. i guess nobody else in the class has the same birthday month as i do#and our professor was like ok do you want to go with the october group then?#and someone from the october group loudly went NO!!#and i am. unsure of how much he was joking!#idk idk idk i already feel like kind of a little freak everywhere i go#so sometimes being reminded that other people ALSO think i'm a little freak (not affectionate) is a little. achey#anyways i think i handled the october rejection pretty well i made a joke out of it but. ouchies#god. i have been awake since 6:45 this morning. i am very tired. and frankly i would very much like a hug or something!
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I really liked Ramon's idea of filling a tag with cute little things for Fit's birthday, and I was like "Hey, I got a bit of time to spare today, I can whip something up real quick. Surely I don't have THAT many clips of Fit!"
Well...
#mod talk#head in hands#I don't even think this is all of them this is just ones I've remembered to tag with Fit's name#I've been archiving since last April. I've got. A lot of clips. Which I should probably be putting on an external hard drive at this point#Anyways re: the video; I've whittled it down a lot and it's still almost 5 minutes long#I am NOT going to post a 5 minute long video I'm cutting this thing down to like. 3 minutes MAXIMUM#I don't think anyone would watch that and frankly even 3 minutes is pushing it#I liked the last big compilation edit I did before recent events made me unhappy about the subject#So I'm mostly doing this for my own sake and for fellow fans because I think it'll give everyone a laugh#also Ramon because his admin is a sweetie for thinking of this#anyhoo. ya boy's real tired but putting these things together is pretty fun#it's time consuming but tbh the hardest part is just the subtitling. It's just super tedious and time consuming#the rest is fun even if it's also a bit time consuming#I try to keep RA pretty light on textposts but I think it's fun sharing behind the scenes notes about what I'm working on
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The thing is "forced diversity" only became a real thing after people online got called out for only ever having like white ocs or just Never making women [ESPECIALLY TRANS WOMEN] and now sometimes I see a character lineup and its like Oh I can like actively see the diversity checklist you were crossing off in your head specifically to try and get tumblr woke points because you are being so fucking Weird about this. Like in an effort to be like LOOK LOOK AT HOW DIVERSE MY CAST IS I AM ADVERTISING THIS BY JUST TELLING YOU ABOUT HOW DIVERSE EVERYONE IS YOU DON'T NEED TO KNOW GENRE OR THEMES they make it so clear that making characters of color or women or disabled characters etc has to be a Conscious Choice instead of just. Something that comes naturally because that reflects our real world.
#Sorry I started thinking about that fuck ass paranormal park or whatever show#Makes a character who is a fat trans man. Makes his last name FUCKING GUTTMAN.#and again like. The complete performativeness of Woke Anachronisms#Like sorry man. If you make Sir Arthur and his knights do a pronoun circle thats stupid#The fact of the matter is a lot of the terms we use to describe things are new!#Like you don't have to have a character state every minute detail of themselves to be good rep#And frankly as someone who doesn't tend to bring things up unless its relevant like#I want more rep for people like me pleaaaaaase#There are so many of us that don't feel the need to be open with Strangers abt gender/sexuality/abled status/culture#like. It just isn't other peoples business!#I need to log off before I go on a tangent about how much I also fucking hate pronoun circles#I have to do them so much in college. Please. Please I'm so tired of how weird people are#If someone wants to know they can Ask Me stop making me choose between#Outting myself to the whole damn room or misgendering myself if the vibes aren't right#ANYWAYS. Bed time yaaaay ^w^#chittering
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i know my body is doing its best but christ alive.
#keeping it fun and funky fresh#personal#i need a chronic illness tag#i've been doing frankly a lot better in the past week+ bc we got an upstairs window ac#and we've been keeping the house air conditioned bc even tho it gets cool overnight it is incredibly humid all the time (70-90%)#and the ac units take the humidity out from indoors as well as keeping things a consistent cool temp for me#but today i painted so i aired out the house all day. and. it was a mistake.#i feel fucking miserable. i could not get comfortable At All All Day.#also like. i haven't talked about this but i've gained quite a bit of weight in the last 2 years & especially the last 6 months#(being completely sedentary d/t chronic fatigue will do that to ya)#and so a lot of my clothes fit weird and feel bad and i haven't replaced them yet bc i still don't rly know how to shop#for clothing for trans women. especially bc a lot of those clothes are thrift store finds that Happen(ed) to feel good on me#and today i happened to be wearing underwear that i didn't realize were among the no-longer-comfy and the waistband would not stop rolling#and then it'd get pinched between my stomach & my lower abdomen and chafe horribly especially w/ how sweaty & sticky i was#it was just awful. it was just awful. i finally turned the ac back on even tho it's only 70° outside#bc i couldn't stand being in the (currently) 80% humidity anymore#and grayson helped me take a sponge bath after i broke down crying#and now i feel a little better but i'm just. tired. i'm tired & all of this is getting worse & my doctor doesn't seem to give a shit#heat intolerance
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Failed a social interaction 0 injured 1 killed (me)
#Today has been so long 😭😭😭 I've been out the whole day studying and when I came back I spent more than one hour to cook my probably gone–#bad chicken (and rice and spinach) and then I couldn't even eat it because it was my turn to clean the kitchen at the dorm (which is the–#third following day I'm doing) (worth mentioning I'm running on 5 hours of sleep)#And I was goofing around with my friends but while doing so I. made fun of the landlord. And then one friend told me “hey girl he's right–#outside” and like 😭😭😭😭😭😭 I hope I die painfully. I need to be back next year and he already makes my life hard enough and hhhhhhhhhhh#I wasn't even like. Serious. It was just to joke around with my friends I don't have anything against him (except for the things I do)#hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh#And now I feel so embarrassed I have no appetite at all + the chicken (which I had to bring home through one hour walk in summer which–#probably wasn't good for it. And then froze one day past the expiration day) (I really need to get better eating habits) I had been–#preparing despite taking one hour to cook it I got the firing wrong and now it's all hard and honestly not very good and like 😭😭😭#Look at what you did to the (frankly already diseased) chicken#I feel so betrayed by everything 😭😭😭 Can life get a little easier#I'm mostly kidding I'm doing okay. I just need to rant because I CAN'T GET OVER THE LANDLORD THING MAN HOW DO I FORGET ABOUT IT.#This kind of things always haunts me for at least three days so 😭😭😭#I'm dead tired but I really wanted to answer asks today so. Probably doing so between today and tomorrow#Rant over sending lots of l love 💞💞#random rambles#In my defense it's not my fault I'm too poor to throw the chicken away 😪😪 I haven't eaten since forever#It's also not my fault I can't afford a new non sticking pan so I have to stick (ah) to the probably toxic one#It is very much my fault for messing up the chicken cooking temperature tho lol
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