#and for most of the last four years was standing straight up so like. wasn't super visible

[tj-crochets]

Pros and cons of my hair getting longer Pros: - it's starting to get long enough to form actual ringlets so I look more like my mom and my sister - it curls sort of over and around my ears to keep them nice and warm while it's cold without curling into my ears the way it did when it was shorter - I really like how much more visible my few white hairs are with the pattern of the curls, the rest of my hair is so dark it feels like I have sparkles in my hair Cons: - it's now the exact right length for my hair in the front to curl out, around, and under the arms of my glasses up into my eyes

[wordsarelife]

—mine

pairing: theo nott x fem!reader

summary: your’s and theo's relationship throughout the years

warnings: canon typical violence near the end, mentions of the war, blood and death

note: feel free to request stuff for the christmas calender!!

theo was startled by a sudden voice who called out his name, he turned around, the book he was about to push into the empty space still in his hand. 

"nott" you had muttered, arms crossed and the surprised expression on his face when he turned around had almost made you lose it. you quirked a brow at the missing reaction. "i guess you don't even know my name?" 

"sorry" theo winced and you could see how umcomfortable he was simply because he knew nothing about the person standing in front of him. 

"don't feel too bad" you shrugged. "didn't know yours until you borrowed my favorite book for four weeks and i had to beg madam pince to tell me the name of the person who had it" 

"well, sorry again" theo held the book in your direction. "you can have it now, if you still want it" 

you completely ignored the book, until theo sighed and put it back in the empty space on the shelf where it belonged. "guess not" he muttered to himself. 

"so, tell me, theodore nott" you followed him back to the table with his things. "what tempts a guy like you to borrow a book like that?" 

"well, without meaning to insult you, i'd say it is more male literature than female isn't it?"

"you're a moron if you really think something like female or male literature exists" you sat down in the chair across from him. "i wouldn't declare sherlock holmes as male literature, more preciously i would say that most boys are too daft to even understand half the things arthur conan doyle mentions and to your information i'm taking great insult to whatever the hell you just said"

"geez" theo's eyes had widened, he found you a bit odd, annoying even, but he couldn't help but feel all the same intrigued. "like what you just said isn't an insult. most boys are too daft, huh?" 

"maybe daft is a bit too harsh, i admit that" you rolled your eyes, a smile on your lips, "but i'd say most are too impatient to read those books, yes"

"well, you're not wrong about that" theo nodded "i can't remember the last time one of my friends touched a book that wasn't part of a class" 

"that's quiet sad, i'd say"

"i agree" theo smiled. "so, now that we're on the same page, do you mind telling me your name? i feel like i deserve to know it"

"no" you grinned just as the smile vanished from his face. "i decide when you deserve to know, theodore nott" you left him sitting there, speechless about the sudden rejection. 

you never actually told theo your name. he only found out when you managed to borrow the memoirs of sherlock holmes for two months straight. 

the next time that the two of you talked was a few months later, at the beginning of december. snow had fallen and the hogwarts grounds had turned into a beautiful white landscape. 

the snow was poudry, but you managed not to slip as you made your way through it. your body tightly wrapped in layers of clothing, the thick ravenclaw scarf almost reaching up to your eyes as the falling snow hit your face. 

"not the right weather for a stroll, is it?" theodore nott had caught up to you, not exactly spotting the right outfit for the wuthering cold. 

"well, i know there's a reason you're a slytherin and not a ravenclaw, but i would've expected you to be just a little smarter, nott" 

theo looked down on his clothes just as you did. "i was actually just going for a smoke"

"in the middle of a mild snowstorm?" you quirked a brow. "i'd say it's not the right weather to be doing that either"

"you're a real know-it-all" 

"tell me something new, nott" you rolled your eyes "it's exhausting to always be right, you know?"

"i bet it is" theo shrugged sarcastically. "there had to have been a reason you got sorted into ravenclaw"

"well, as said before, i can see why you weren't" you shrugged with a grin. 

theo sighed. "another dig at the outfit, really?" 

"well, considering you're standing here discussing with me and getting yourself wet, i'd say i'm allowed to keep judging your outfit" 

"fair point" theo nodded and you were surprised he gave up so easily. "are you coming or what?" he asked, ready to walk back inside.

"no" you shook your head "you go ahead though, wouldn't want you catching a cold, who would faint during potions then and entertain the rest of the class?"

"hey, that was one time" he called, as you walked away "how did you even hear about that, we're not in the same potions class?"

you just shrugged and send him a smile over your shoulder. he was standing in front of the doors to the castle, soaked from head to toe and you had to admit, theodore nott was a (beautiful) sight for sore eyes. 

it wasn't like you minded theo's company, but you noticed how he started hanging around the places you frequently visited during the weeks to come. 

theo had it especially easy when he realized that you stuck to your routines during the week, making it impossible for him to miss you once he had figured it out. 

monday and wednesdays after class were spent in the library, doing homework or reading a book from your list. tuesdays you helped madam pomfrey in the infirmary, healing minor injuries or filling up medicine cabinets. thursdays were reserved for your friends, playing card games or just spending time together in the common room, you always found something to do. 

fridays were flexible and you often decided what to do spontaneously. sometimes you did a little tutoring, on other fridays you helped madam pince sort through books and put them back where they belonged or you continued reading the book you had begun reading that week. saturdays and sundays were for remaining homework, hogsmeade visits and drafting letters to send back to your family on the start of the next week. 

"you're not being slick, you know that?"

it was a friday and you were putting away books, when theo kept lingering around you, like he had done that past week. 

"what?" he asked, looking up from the book in front of him, a confused tone to his voice, clearly trying to mask that he knew exactly what you were talking about.

"well, i was sure you knew stalking was considered a legal offence" you noted.

"stalking?" he repeated. "i'm not stalking you"

"now, you're not not stalking me, are you?" you send a tight-lipped smile in his direction. "i do admit that it might be a question of definition, though" 

"aren't you a bit full of yourself if you think i would be stalking you"

"that was offensive" you rolled your eyes "and i'm pretty sure i'm not imaging you turning up everywhere i went this past week. and considering i didn't know you until a few months ago, i'd say that you only started doing that recently"

"well, i didn't"

"okay, you didn't" your shrugged and turned back to the shelf, reaching for another row of books from the trolley beside you, before you pushed them in a row one after the other. 

theo furrowed his brows, surprised by you just letting him get away like that. he knew he wasn't being slick, hell, he even knew that he was behaving like a stalker. you weren't wrong in the slightest and theo felt a bit called out by your words. but on the other hand, you hadn't said anything about being opposed to the idea that he really did go everywhere you did.

you waved at him, before you pushed the trolley into the next row of shelves. it didn't take long for him to follow, already making a decision in his mind. 

"go out with me" 

if he had startled you, you didn't show it. you didn't even blink at his suggestion, rather ignoring him like he was a fly on the wall, as you continued reaching for books on the trolley.

theo pushed the trolley to the side and stepped into the empty space. the next time you tried to reach for a stack of books, you touched his chest instead. 

"you're still here, nott" you noted the obvious. 

theo had to admit that he was a tad bit unsettled by your ignorance. he wasn't sure if you really hadn't heard him or if you just ignored the question, because he had made you uncomfortable. 

"you know, normally stalkers don't look so scared" you smiled mischievously. 

"i'm not stalking you, but i can understand if my company made you uncomfortable and i apologize if i have gone too far"

"you're a bit weird, you know that?"

"this is a serious topic, y/n" 

you smiled at the honesty in his voice and sighed. "do you really think if you were making me uncomfortable or i was scared of you i would continue to speak to you?" 

"well, no—"

"i'm not a child, theodore nott, i can voice when i'm annoyed, but i respect your manners" you smiled "and if anyone follows me around like a lost puppy, i'm glad it's someone with at least a little intellect"

"little intellect?" theo repeated offended. 

"you might be smarter than i thought, but you're really bad at this" 

"i know" 

"well, would you now let me sort in the rest of these books? you're kind of in the way"

theo, nodded, the disappointment flashing over his features just like a wave of water. "i guess that's a no" 

you waited until he had stepped aside and pushed the trolley back in it's original position. your hands reached for the row of sherlock holmes books and you held them up at him like a trophy. "that means yes, obviously" 

theo spent exactly three days brainstroming what to do for your date. his friends tried their best at helping him, more than interested to finally hear something about the mysterious girl theo had been infuriated with these past weeks. 

"is she that hideous?" blaise asked on the third day of theo's hard thinking.

"what?" theo raised his brows, he had been too deep in thought to even hear his friend.

"blaise just asked if your girlfriend was hideous, i'd hit him if i were you" mattheo shrugged, stiring the pot. it had been a particular slow morning and he had to admit that it would be quiet entertaining to see blaise and theo fight each other. 

"five galleons on blaise" enzo added, before theo was able to say something. 

"have a little faith in him" pansy said next to theo. "he might not look like it, but the boy has a wicked right hook"

"this is just embarrassing" draco threw the newspaper down in front of him. 

"what?" pansy giggled "the newspaper or that theo and blaise are going to slap each other even more stupid"

"take a guess"

"guys" theo sighed, annoyance already taking over the worry that was bubbling inside him. "i'm not going to fight blaise and y/n is not my girlfriend"

"no yet" enzo wiggled his brows.

"y/n, huh?" mattheo said with a mischievous smile.

"oh god" all colour drained from theo's face. "please tell me the two of you didn't hook up with each other"

"close to it" mattheo shrugged. "she tended to my wounds in the infirmary once and i could tell she had the hots for me"

"wasn't she the one who said you had the charm of a troll and the brains to match?" blaise offered with a smirk.

enzo's mouth almost hit the table infront of him by how fast it flew open. "that was y/n?" he giggled.

theo had to smile. "that does sound like something she'd say"

"she sounds lovely" draco nodded sarcastically "but at least she never saw mattheo naked. that does make her at least a little likable"

"i already love her" pansy quickly said, before draco could continue his judging. "seems like she knows how to handle little annoyances" 

"i'm not a little annoyance"

"yeah" theo nodded "you're a quite big one, actually" 

theo couldn't tell what had led him to the idea for your date, but he had known in that moment what the both of you should do. 

"so hot chocolate was your huge idea?" you smiled as you sat down in the booth across from him, the server already putting down two mugs with steaming hot drinks in front of you. 

"i saw how your friends gave you their hot chocolate packages after dinner and figured this might be something you liked" he shrugged "and before you call me a stalker again, i'm just very attentive to those around me"

you giggled as the grandma at the table next to you send you a worried glance at theo's words.

"he's harmless" you laughed in a way to assure her. 

theo managed an awkward wave and the woman turned away quickly.

"well, it seems those around you are very attentive too" you giggled. 

"i'm sorry" theo tried to hide behind his mug, feeling a tad bit ashamed at the awkward encounter, but having to laugh at the same time. 

"don't be" you smiled honestly "rather tell me something i didn't already find out by snooping around"

"you snooped around?" theo exclaimed surprised. 

"i had to get even, after you found out everything about me" you shrugged "i met this lovely boy, i think he goes by the name enzo, who told me a whole lot about you"

"oh god, no" 

"quite interesting to hear about all those things from someone who has no interest in sleeping with me"

"what? i don't—“

"so you don't intend to sleep with me?" you smiled. "don't be ridiculous, theodore nott"

"i'm just not used to being this straightforward, admittedly"

you completely ignored the surprise swinging in his voice and went on with your story. "enzo did give me some exciting information and i wanted to talk about one thing in particular"

theo was ready to close his eyes and open them back up after you had screamed and left him sitting alone at the table. he had to admit that he wasn't particularly proud of his dating history (or lack of) before he met you and he was sure you weren't happy about that either. 

"before you say something" he interrupted you, before you were able to let the words slip past your lips. "i'm not like that anymore, i was young and not interested in a relationship and just wanted a bit of fun—"

"what are you talking about exactly?" you asked, a susprised smile on your face. 

"that wasn't what you wanted to talk about, was it?" theo asked and you shook your head giggling. 

"i mean, don't let me tell you what to talk about" you managed to say between your laughter. "we can talk about your previous hookups if that's something you'd like to discuss"

"i'd rather not" theo shook his head and his cheeks turned rosy. 

"fine" you smiled "now back to my question: how did you manage to play out that prank on professor binns in our third year?"

theo's features relaxed at the simple question and he smiled, recalling the memory. "so it all started with a ridiculous idea from mattheo and me getting roped into something stupid again"

you spent the rest of the night talking and ordering one hot chocolate after the other. there was not one second of awkward silence, even as theo brought you back to your common room. 

"i had a lot of fun tonight" theo smiled, hands sinking into the pockets of his trousers. 

you had admired how well dressed he was when he had come to get you in the afternoon. 

"me too" you said honestly. "i can't wait for the next one"

"so there will be a next one?" 

"don't be ridiculous, theodore nott" you smiled, before telling the password to the eagle ontop of the door. "of course there will a next one" you slipped into the common room and away from the smiling boy in front of it. 

"are they weirder than you?" 

the voice startled theo, as he was standing in front of the shelf in the library. he turned around, not surprised that it was you who had asked that question. you mostly started your conversations in the middle, without so much as a hello or some kind of warning. 

"what?" theo wasn't sure what else to ask.

"you friends of course" you shrugged, like that had been obvious "we've been together for a month and i've never even met them" 

"well, you have met them" theo corrected. "like in the hallways or during dinner" 

"you know what i mean, theodore" you rolled your eyes. "i don't think a grunting sound could be classified as me meeting someone"

"that's just blaise, honestly" theo muttered "but pansy waved to you during dinner more than three times now"

"theo" you pushed "either something is completely wrong with them or me and i'd like to know what it is, now" you sighed, before you added "just say if you're ashamed of me or something, i know i can be a bit rude to people i don't know"

"tesoro" theo sighed "i'm sorry that i let you think that. they're just annoying, that's all"

"and you thought they would scare me away?" you smiled, touching his cheeks with your hands. "you stalked me for weeks and i'm still dating you, aren't i?"

"that's never gonna be funny" he called after you, as you walked out of the library. "fine, breakfast at the slytherin table for you tomorrow" 

"aye, aye" 

"she's not hideous" was the first thing you heard when you sat down at the table the next morning. 

"well, you aren't either, zabini" you smiled, not even fazed by his assumption. "even though theo warned me about you" 

"burn!" enzo called, exchanging a high five with pansy. 

"i'm so glad we finally get to meet" pansy smiled. "i've just been waiting to have another girl around, it sometimes gets to much with all the testosterone"

"i don't know how you manage, honestly" you smiled.

to say theo's friends and you hit it off immediately would be an understatement. it took approximately ten minutes for you to become part of the group. enzo and you had been friends before, unlikely study partners, after you had helped him on a potions assignment once. pansy was ready to keep you by her side for the rest of the year and even blaise took a quick liking to you.

mattheo and draco were harder to break. mattheo, still having a pretty hurt ego about you turning him down the year before, was sure that you were just dating theo to get back at him for whatever reason and draco was just not interested to have any relationship past a simple hello and goodbye. 

you didn't mind their antics, even if theo repeatedly apologized for it. 

yours and theo’s relationship lasted for exactly two years. theo broke up with you one day after your anniversary.

the break up was painful, the fight that followed even more and still, you held him that evening, both of you understanding the severity of your situation and the war that was waiting to happen.

“theo” you cried, rushing through the ruins of the courtyard just months later. 

you had been on different sides after all. you had followed harry potter into the war and theo had been bound to his father and to the promise the man had given to the dark lord. just like draco, mattheo, pansy, blaise and enzo. 

your friends had gotten lost in the fight and despite not being supposed to, you were desperately screaming for them. 

you ran back into the castle, not having found theo outside. you send curses at the death eaters that tried approaching you, having more luck than an actual plan. you were simply determined to find him. 

you were thrown down to the ground as the doors of the room of requirement suddenly appeared and flew open. just as quickly as they had opened, they closed again, spitting out people in the procress, before the fire was tamed behind the doors. 

harry potter, hermione granger and ron weasley were standing up from the ground slowly, black powder darkening their cheeks and clothes. 

it took a moment for you to realize who the other two people were, as you quickly got up from the ground. 

draco was breathing just as heavily as blaise was, both trying to fill their lungs with air. 

“oh god” you mumbled, before you finally started moving, your legs guiding you into the direction of your friends, falling into their arms and pressing them close to you. “i’m sorry, i’m so sorry” you cried. 

blaise and draco held onto you just as tight, not being able to let you go as they cried into your hair.

“be honest, draco” you said when you broke the hug, completely ignoring the trio next to you. 

“theo” draco muttered, knowing what you were talking about immediately. blaise and him exchanged a look. 

“is he dead?” you asked, heartbreak already burning in your limbs and throat. you were ready to mourn, ready to lose your life just like him. he had died for the wrong cause, but you hoped, heart heavy in your chest, that death was more forgiving than his life had been. 

“we don’t know” blaise finally said. “we got seperated in the halls, theo—he was looking for you i think”

“i have to find him” you muttered, touching each hand of the boys in front of you. “stay safe” you kissed both of their cheeks, before you turned on your heel, running down the corridor opposite of where you had come from. 

“theo!” you called once more, running up the stairs and through various hallways, hopeless to ever receive an answer.

“y/n” a voice called and you almost crumbled from the surprise it reached you with. hope was hard to keep and you had thought, really thought, that he was dead. 

theo wasn’t dead, but close to it. he was laying on the ground, his back against the wall, while the rest of his body was bathing in his own blood. his cheeks were empty of any colour, lips dry and almost blue as he looked up at you with tired eyes. 

“oh god” you muttered in shock, slipping onto the ground beside him, your uniform soaking up the blood like it was water in the lake. your hands touched his chest and the big glass shard that was stuck inside of it. theo hissed in pain. “sorry, sorry” you whispered. 

“they surprised me as i came down the corridor” he explained. “i was looking for you”

“you found me now” you whispered once more. 

“i don’t think they meant to do this” sweat dripped from his forehead. “they were kids, not older than fourteen, but they left and they took my wand”

“oh god” you repeated as you shook your head, holding his face in your blood soaked hands and kissing his lips softly.

“i thought you were dead” tears slipped over his cheeks and you shook your head crying. 

“i’m gonna help you” you said quickly, before reaching for your wand and using it’s magic to extract the glass from theo’s body. he was winding on the ground, the pain probably unbearable. but you had to do this in order to help him. he would heal, he would survive and that was all that mattered to you in this moment. 

“i don’t want to fight” theo cried “not for them, not against you” 

“i know, my love, i know”

the healing had begun, slowly but surely his wound closed up, only leaving behind the blood around you and the worry on your face.

“come on” you said, as soon as he looked less pale. you took his hand and he followed you through the corridors of the castle, standing next to you when you had to fight death eaters, even beginning to send curses himself. 

“you don’t have to fight, theo” you called over the loudness of the fight. “confringo! i don’t want you to fight against him” 

“i’m not leaving you” theo called back, his voice nearly drowned out by the deatheater across from him, who was screaming curses and uttering threats about theo’s betrayal at the same time. “he doesn’t mean anything to me”

“what?” you send the deatheater flying against the wall, effectively knocking him out. your wand was now facing theo's death eater too.

“i don’t care for my father” theo said, before he too send the man flying. “i only care for you and your well being”

you made sure it was safe, before you pulled him in and kissed him so passionately that you almost forgot you had ever been apart. “don’t ever let me go again, theodore nott” 

“i wouldn’t dare, y/n l/n” 

you took his hand, walking back into the entrance hall, looking if you were needed anywhere. that’s when you saw them coming over the bridge. 

“he’s here” you said, pushing theo behind you if there was really anything you could do to save him. “he’s—“ you paused, as the both of you walked closer up behind the rows of people already standing in the courtyard.

“harry…?” your voice was quiet, as you adressed the boy you had put all your hope in. someone you hadn’t known well, not well enough to be on first name basis, but what did it matter now that he was. what was he?

“harry potter is dead!” voldemort announced loudly, while the deatheaters broke into laughter. 

ginny weasley dashed forward with a heartbreaking scream. “no! no!”

“stupid girl! harry potter is dead, from this day forth you put your faith in me” you looked down onto the ground in front of you and then back at theo, who looked like he was being painfully tortured by voldemorts words. he too had set his hope into harry.

“it’s done” you said softly. “the war is over”

“we lost”

“harry potter is dead!” voldemort repeated once more “and now is the time to declare youself. come forward and join us.. or die”

your ears were drenched out by the wailing sound in your head. it was loud that you missed everything neville said. you pressed your eyes close, wishing to be anywhere else. to be free from this destiny, but you knew you could never just leave. you wouldn’t be able to leave all these people behind. 

it was theo‘s voice that woke you from your half sleeping state. the word he muttered was foreign on his tongue, but ignited a flame inside of you immediately. 

“harry”

your eyes snapped open like a gun shot had rung through the air. but it wasn’t the sound of a gun. it was harry potter, who was running and firing spells at voldemort. you just had seconds to react, before the fight broke out again, no end in sight. 

you had never thought to be happy that a war continued.

but continuation meant that you hadn’t lost yet. there was a chance to win as long as harry potter was alive. 

when voldemort finally dies, it’s nothing like you ever imagined. he bursts into the air, pieces by pieces disappearing until only his wand is left. 

the deatheater in front of you let’s his wand fall to the ground and you don’t have any interest to finish the job as you sank into theo‘s arms. content is flashing through your body and immediate tiredness is dragging you down. theo holds you as all your weight crashes against him. 

you‘re tired of fighting and of war and death and fear. there is nothing in your head, apart from the thought that you will never have to endure all of that again.

theo and you went away after the war.

you travelled europe for a year, before you came back to hogwarts to finish the school year you were still missing. 

theo got a job at the ministry, you started working at hogwarts. he proposed to you the day that you signed the contract. 

your wedding was beautiful. pansy and luna were your bridesmaids. draco and mattheo were theo‘s groomsmen. all of your friends were there. you had even invited the golden trio, it was only thanks to them that the both of you were still alive and able to celebrate your connection.

“you lost your bow again, robin!” theo picked up the little pink bow and clipped it to his suit, knowing that your daughter was way too busy to even hear him call for her. 

“maybe you should just give up” you suggested, picking up luke who was softly hitting your leg, seemingly tired of walking. 

“but she looks so cute with it!” theo protested, the disappointment sipping from his voice as he pushed the trolley through the wall. 

“it‘s no use if she always loses them” you shrugged. “what is it? like the tenth one you’ve gotten her in the past month alone? just wait until she’s older, love”

theo sighed, but nodded at your suggestion. 

“grace, robin” you called, looking around the people in front of you to spot your girls. 

“well, lucky you’ve got me” mattheo popped up next to you, robin in his arms, as he threw a wink in your direction. 

“why are you even here, mate?” theo asked annoyed “you didn’t have any children the last time i checked”

“well, theres still a few women we’re not a hundred percent sure about yet” pansy joked as she appeared in front of you. “hey sweetheart” she kissed your cheek, before she took luke out of your arms. 

“haha” mattheo rolled his eyes. “i was just accompanying my nieces and nephew’s like a good godfather and uncle should do”

“nope” theo shook his head. “you’re still not grace’s godfather, one daughter of mine has to be enough, riddle” 

“yeah, yeah” mattheo shook his head, clearly not caring about anything theo said “we’ll get there eventually”

“no, we won’t, that’s the point—“ 

“hello nott” blaise greeted, draco following, scorpius and grace behind him. you sighed in relief, glad you daughter had not gotten lost.

“blaise” theo nodded, while you went around the trolley, hugging both men. 

“amazing style choice” blaise pointed against his chest and theo's eyes fell down on his own chest, having completely forgotten about the bow he had pinned there. “looks great on you, mate”

“it’s robin’s”

“sure, keep telling yourself that” blaise said with a sarcastic smile “i heard denial is a river in egypt, y/n”

you giggled, but promptly stopped when theo elbowed you. “you’re my wife. mine” he muttered between clenched teeth, but clearly joking. 

draco took a look on his watch. “there are places we have to be, aren’t there?” he set a hand on both scorpius’ and grace’s shoulder, who were talking to each other excitedly.

“of course” you nodded, following your friends to the platform and hugging your daughter so close, as if that might make her leaving a little less hard. “stay with scorpius, sweetheart. stick together, the both of you” you advised. 

“i think isaac was trying to safe a department for the three of you” blaise told you daughter, who smiled gratefully. 

“yes, mum” grace nodded, before you swapped places with theo, who was already crying. 

“write to me every week, honey!” he declared. “stay far away from professor trewlaney and close to your mother as soon as she’s back at work”

“theo” you shook your head “she should have space to develop” you watched grace and scorpius board the train, waving as it slowly left the station.

“i’ve seen people develop at hogwarts!” he shook his head “it lead to a pregnancy in your case, tesoro”

blaise and draco choked on their spit simultaneously.

“that was after i became a teacher and you know it, dear husband”

mattheo held robin away from him, to take her in fully. “were you made there too?” he muttered, more to himself than anyone in particular.

“mattheo!” draco, pansy and you scolded loudly. 

“hey guys!” enzo appeared behind you suddenly, startling all of you. “oh no, they’re already off, aren’t they?” 

you nodded sadly, feeling sorry for the poor bloke who couldn’t arrive on time if his life depended on it.

“half an hour too late” draco exclaimed with a look at his watch. “as always”

“well you know the traffic is being a bitch” enzo slapped a hand to his mouth, before he took a quick look at evie next to him. “sorry, love. well everything’s been a b-word since jacky started forcing me to use muggle transportation.”

“i do not envy you one bit” mattheo shrugged.

“well, evie” enzo shrugged “the train is gone, but i hear that the weasleys have this super cool car, that—“

“no!” you shook your head, taking the little girls hand in yours. “i’ll take her!” 

“so get-together at yours or what, nott?” mattheo asked “gonna have to know which of your kids were conceived in hogwarts” 

“mattheo!” all of you scolded at the same time.

[deadpcnned]

Sealed by the Storm (jj.m)

chapter five

pairing: jj maybank x reader; marriage of convenience

content warning(s): mentions of vomiting

author's note: i always sit down thinking i have nothing to write and then the chapters end up this long... i'm sorry. if you're reading this, maybe you can lmk if you'd prefer the chapters be shorter (esp since it's a series)

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JJ feels as though he can still tell which patches of grass he'd stepped over when he trekked the path he is currently walking less than twenty-four hours ago. Only yesterday, he was making his way to the familiar red brick steps that would lead him to one of his most life-altering moments. JJ had always expected to be a frequent flyer at the Kildare County Courthouse, but his two most recent trips to the establishment couldn't have existed in his wildest dreams. 

Getting married at nineteen — sorry, John B— to you would have been like a weird fever dream he experienced while on a crazy trip. Being a property and store owner with his best friends? That dream he had kept buried deep inside his heart for years. From as early as twelve, JJ saw the potential in the property where they'd built Poguelandia 2.0. He spent many nights using the open water to catch something to make for his dad and or to make an escape when he needed to. He knew that land and that water like he knew the back of his hand. Building a business like the shop from the ground up had been what JJ had made his eighth-grade career fair project about. He'd completed it with a piece of printer paper he'd stolen from the school library and a red marker he'd taken from his homeroom teacher. He'd crumpled it up and thrown it away before he could turn it in when he realized all the kids had made theirs on full-sized poster boards.

It was moments like those that had made him decide early on he'd never be a business owner. Those subtle reminders that he was in a league so far behind the rest that even completing a middle school project properly wasn't possible for him. When he and the rest of the Pogues had established Poguelandia 2.0, he couldn't believe it. It was proof that twelve-year-old JJ hadn't been wrong. Forget proof of validation- it had made him happy. So happy. To belong, to have purpose. And that happiness may be snatched from his grip in an hour. 

JJ drove the Twinkie up to the courthouse, and in the time he'd spent parking it, the Pogues had already begun making their way in. Spotting Kie, he decides to try to catch up to her. Kie had been quiet all morning, and he obviously hadn't had the time to talk to her last night. If he's being honest, he isn't sure what he'd say to her if she were willing to talk. 'I'm sorry?' 'You up?' Nothing he'd say in any other situation made sense in this one. What did a guy say to the girl he was sleeping with after getting married? 

"Kie—" JJ's call is cut quiet when he notices who Kiara has just met up with in the gathering crowd. Anna Carrera embraces her daughter tight, while Mike Carrera stands with a straight face behind his wife. JJ tries to turn the other way to dodge them, but Kiara has already heard him and is waving him over. Fighting a grimace, JJ makes his way over to the trio. 

"Morning," JJ says, nodding at Mike and Anna. He should probably shake Mike's hand, but he isn't a fan of false niceties and Mike and JJ are not cordial. 

"You showed up," Mike chides, resulting in a tap to his chest from his wife, who is clearly trying to keep the peace. 

"It's a hearing concerning my property. Where else would I be?" JJ shrugs. Mike has never been a fan of Kiara hanging around the Pogues, but he definitely has a personal vendetta against JJ. It's been like that for years. Maybe he has some fatherly sixth sense that told him JJ's relationship with Kie was different from the rest, but JJ thought it was more that Mike saw him for exactly what he is — nothing good. 

"Didn't bring your wife? Not dragging her into this with you?" Mike's question might have thrown JJ off — what with being addressed as having a wife— if it didn't feel like he'd spit the word. He can't figure out why Mike, referring to you that way, claws out an even darker part of him than he usually feels come out with Kie's dad. 

"Her name's Y/N," JJ corrects, his tone low. "She's a good friend of your daughters, actually. I dropped 'em both off here just now." JJ lifts his right shoulder to give off an air of disregard for Mike's faux concern. 

"Right. Well, I hope you don't mind giving us some time with our daughter," Mike uses his hand to gently guide Kiara into the courthouse with him, and JJ waits for Kiara to stiffen up and bristle, telling her dad no. But when he looks at Kie, he doesn't see the same fire he usually does when her parents are sticking their noses in her business. The fire is still there, but instead of defiance, it is fueled by something bitter JJ can't quite place. He watches as she lets her father guide her, not waiting to see if JJ will follow. 

JJ knows he probably looks like an idiot, standing alone like he's frozen. He feels it then, that tight pull right in the center of his chest. A loop of everything wrong starts to run through his mind: Kiara's mad. Property hearing. Groff's my dad. Kooks always win. The loop won't end no matter how hard he tries to turn it off. The volume may decrease as he gets more feedback to interpret, but it'll still be there like a low thrum in the background. 

He finally picks up his feet and moves towards the courthouse, his mind only half there, as if he is floating instead of making the mindful decision to walk. As he draws near the ivory building, he sees Pope and Cleo standing by the doors, in conversation with Pope's parents. It's the person standing a few feet away from the red steps who captures his attention. 

There you are, standing all alone in the bustling crowds. His fucking wife. Your eyes keep flitting around the lawn, looking for something or likely someone. JJ ignores the tiny voice in his head that wants you to be looking for him. 

He doesn't know what's wrong with him, but he can't get the image of you from last night out of his head. You in that white dress the moment he decided he liked your hair down best — loose and carefree. You when he was knelt in front of you, all the cards in your hand, still choosing him. You with the barely restrained tears that had felt like they were blurring his vision instead of yours.  And you, with that wide smile and those flushed cheeks from the summer night's heat. The way you danced, your body molding perfectly into his as he spun you closer. He had realized that somewhere between all the fun, he hadn't wanted to let go. There is possibly nothing more dangerous than feeling like he needed to touch you at this moment in time. 

JJ wills away the haunting memories of last night as he finally reaches you. You'd caught sight of him when he was a few feet away and are speaking as soon as he is in earshot. 

"You parked," You say, and JJ just smirks at you stating the obvious. He hasn't spoken to you one-on-one since you returned to your room last night. 

"That I did. You ready to head in?" You nod at JJ's question but make no effort to enter the courthouse. You bite your lip, worrying the soft skin with your teeth. JJ tries not to dwell on how badly he wants to free it for you. "What?"

"Something feels wrong, JJ."

"Yeah, no shit," JJ grumbles, though he finds comfort in being able to focus on his anger rather than whatever else he's feeling at the moment. "These fucking Kooks, man. Always in our way."

Kooks always win. Kooks always win.

You shake your head again before looking around. "I can't shake this feeling like we're forgetting something huge." 

"I think JB brought the Proof of Ownership certificate with us, but I'm sure the court has those files on hand, too," JJ says, trying to ease your worries. 

"No it's not…" You shrug, giving up on explaining this to JJ. "Never mind, I'm probably just anxious." 

"You sure?" JJ takes your nod for what it is– not at all assuring but a green light to proceed anyway. You both walk into the courthouse side by side, the perfect image of a united front. Pope and John B have saved you both a seat at the edge of their bench, and JJ steps back to let you slide in first. He settles beside you, his legs kicking out as he slouches against the backrest, but his attention doesn't stray from you. His gaze remains on your fingers as you wrap them around the edge of your green top, your nerves clearly needing a way to physically manifest themselves. JJ balls his hands in fists to stop himself from reaching out to hold your hand. That probably would do the opposite of consoling you. 

He fights the urge all throughout the start of the hearing. His mind's still running through his spiral, and as he fails to pay attention, the hearing plays on a loop. 

Kiara's mad. Property hearing. Groff's my dad. Kooks always win.

JJ watches as your group elects John B as their spokesperson. He listens to his speech and knows he should be choking up on emotion, but instead, all he can do is focus on his own thoughts. Eventually, the other side is speaking, and he hears something that draws his attention.

"So, what the, uh, current occupants of the land don't seem to understand is that there is an injunction to invalidate the most recent sale," JJ straightens in his seat, no longer able to play the part of uncaring. What does he mean by invalidate? "There was a pre-existing promissory note from the original owner that was in the process of being finalized when the land auction took place." JJ bristles. From the corner of his eye, he can sense the Pogue's confusion, but as he searches his mind for an answer, the pieces are coming together too quickly. The hotshot lawyer keeps speaking, but all JJ can concentrate on is 'previous owner.' Before the Pogues, it had been JJ's house. Which means the previous owner is…

"Where is the original owner? And can he validate the authenticity of this document?" the judge asks, to which Dale, the lawyer, responds affirmatively. 

"He's right here," JJ turns slowly, the appalled gasps of the crowd barely registering past the blood thumping in his ear. There he is, Luke Maybank, his father. No – not his father. The man JJ had been thrown onto, never wanted and never loved, no matter what tiny moments JJ had believed they'd shared. 

Groff's my dad. Groff's my dad. Groff's my dad.

Somewhere around him, JJ can hear words like 'son,' 'JJ's dad,' and 'fugitive.' The only clear sound comes from beside him: 'We were missing something.' None of that feedback matters, though. JJ can't focus on one thing long enough to process it. The world around him has reached a screeching halt, but his thoughts are neverending bursts of chaos. Of course Luke didn't show up to stand behind him, to support JJ in not losing the land that their fragile relationship had been tethered to. 

"JJ, why would your dad–" Kiara's voice rings through to JJ from her spot next to Pope. JJ doesn't look up as he opens his mouth to respond, but your voice cuts in to answer for him.

"He's not his fucking dad," If JJ was in a more conscious state, he might have enough energy to flinch at your words and the lethal tone you spoke them in. Instead, his head falls, and he can feel it happening. The moment right before his chest completely constricts, and his legs carry him away, running from everything happening here. JJ stands up abruptly, facing the man who ruined him. Luke's eyes find JJ's immediately, and there is probably something he can read in them if he wants to, but JJ has no interest in that. 

From a distance, he hears a familiar voice. She's shouting something about love and not being deserving of it. But it's not the right kind of feedback. He can't use it to reel himself in. 

Property hearing. Kooks always win. Property hearing. Kooks always win. Property hearing. Kooks always win.

JJ's feet carry him towards Luke, but he doesn't stop, ignoring him. He walks right past him, and with a frenzied turn of his head, he searches for anything he can grab ahold of. His fingers twist around the smooth surface of a chair and he lifts it over his head. He intends to crash the chair into a window and get some goddamn air in this room, but he never gets the chance. 

"JJ, no." It's you. You followed him? He looks up, his mind still not completely catching up with the moment, to see the rest of the Pogues crowding the front of the room. Then you. JJ scoffs at the fact that you feel the need to follow him. Always fucking babysitting him. 

JJ's arms are being restrained by the security officer who stands by the courthouse door. As he resists the man's grip, another security guard joins in. JJ can hear you telling him to stop, to not 'spin out.'

"Take him out!" You yell at an officer, and as they drag him out the doors, JJ thinks he never wants to see you again. Your self-righteousness is so apparent in your features. You always know the right thing to do, and in your mind, JJ couldn't tell his right foot from his left. 

"Let— let go of me!" JJ yells, his voice shaking with his body. "Stop!"

Eventually, the guards let go, and there you are again, your hands out in front of you in a cautious stance as if he's some animal that just escaped its cage. JJ can't see anything past red, and without Luke in front of him, you are slowly becoming his target. JJ needs to get past you and away before he does something he'd actually regret. 

JJ charges past, or at least he feels like he is charging. In reality, his movements are slow, from the delirious state he's reaching, giving you the chance to step in front of him. You reach your arms out, pushing them against his chest, and the force is strong enough to shove him to the ground and not even there at the same time. 

“Y/N.” JJ seethes. "Move."

"I won't let you do something you'll regret." JJ steps back, his hands coming up to pull at his hair. You are so frustrating. No. You are downright infuriating and he is so tired of it. You'd gotten in the way and gave him the chance to think about what he's doing. Thinking means feeling and feeling means he won't be able to stop from breaking down. 

"JJ," your voice comes out soft, as if you are trying to coddle him, and it sounds so wrong coming from you. So fake. You don't care. You can't care. Because you see him for exactly what he is. You see him like mold that ruins everything it touches, making it irreparable. Yet, he finds himself wanting to let go of his inhibitions and lean into that softness. He wants to trust it and wrap himself up in it. Your voice seems to be the right kind of feedback. He's able to focus on it and grab onto it. But he's not ready to.

Property hearing. Kooks always win.

Tears are gathering in his eyes, and he looks around quickly to see if anyone is nearby. A few stragglers have left the courthouse, and he immediately runs to the back of the building. He knows you're hot on his trail, but right now, he needs to hide from prying eyes. Everyone will be looking to see how Luke Maybank's son reacts. 

You don't say anything right away, and JJ relishes the moment of quiet. But all good things must come to an end, or so they say. 

"JJ, you don't des—"

"Screw that!" JJ's voice is loud and full of disdain. "Screw what I deserve. He doesn't deserve this. He doesn't deserve to call that place his. He's… he's not fit," JJ emphasizes his point by hitting the pads of his fingers against his temple. "Don't they see that?"

The look on your face doesn't feel like pity but JJ still doesn't want to see it. You can't care. Do you care?

"No, he doesn't. I know he doesn't," you agree, and JJ shakes his head. "But he doesn't deserve you throwing your life away for him." 

"You don't get it. He's not fit," JJ's arms are being thrown in every direction as he made his point. "He's not fucking fit, and I have the receipts to prove it."

"What do you mean, JJ?" You ask with a note of hope that makes JJ's heart throb. "Is he not the actual owner? Did someone else own the property before?"

JJ sighs, a sound between a groan and a 'no' leaving his throat. "No— I… never mind." 

He watches your face fall; that light in your eyes, the one he found too rarely, disappears again. With the final bit of fight seeping from his body he slumps against the wall of the courthouse, his head falling between his crossed arms. He doesn't expect you to meet him where he is, and you don't move for a moment, but then he feels your hand against his arm. You're massaging circles into his bicep and even with the added layers of his gray shirt and blue flannel, he feels like his skin is on fire. He's still angry, it seems, because everything feels like it's on fire with you here. 

He lets you touch him still, unable to escape the heat. He doesn't lift his head or say a word, but he also doesn't move away. After a moment, he feels you rest your forehead against his shoulder. You both must look uncomfortable, the way he's curled into himself, and you are probably extending your neck far enough to reach his shoulder, but neither of you changes the position you're in. 

His mind is silent. No loop, no spiral. JJ is unsure how long the two of you sit there like that, but nothing seems to be pulling you away from him until he hears a voice from around the corner. 

"Let's check here," it's Pope's voice. When JJ lifts his head, he sees you haven't moved yours just yet. He has this lingering thought that he doesn't want Pope to find you just yet. Pope does, of course. 

JJ makes eye contact with Pope and then with Kie. The speed with which that burning sensation leaves his body is as though a bucket of ice water has been dropped over him. Kie's face gives away nothing, but her eyes tell a different story. She's upset, but right now, he can't really find it in himself to care. 

Kiara's mad. Kiara's mad. Kiara's mad.

"Guys," Pope speaks, only pausing for a second to take in the sight of you resting on JJ. You finally lift your head at his voice, pushing your body back so you aren't as close to JJ. "They're calling us in. Emptied everyone except us and Topper's team." 

"You guys go ahead," It's you who speaks up for the both of you. "We'll be right behind you." 

"Y/N, why don't you head in with Pope? I'll come with JJ," Kie's voice is void of malice, which JJ is relieved about. This whole thing is weird enough; he doesn't need Kie holding onto misplaced emotions because of your arrangement. 

"Right," You nod, standing up. You look at JJ once giving him a nod as well. No consoling smile or encouraging words to part. Just a nod like you had this one under control. Great job, comrade. 

And yet, he doesn't want you to go. He wants to stay like this for just a little while longer. He also knows he should want that with Kie. God, when had this all become so complicated? 

He turns to the curly-haired girl, who is already offering him that sympathetic smile you failed to give him, and he realizes he kind of hates it. He always hates that smile, but he loves what's associated with it. Free range to fuck up as profoundly as he wants. For once, he doesn't want that pass. He wants to believe he can be better and not need it. Laughable, truly. 

"Jayj, I'm so sorry." What else is she supposed to say, really? 'I'm sorry your dad's a piece of shit' basically sums it up. It still feels so pointless. "You deserve better family."

Alright, well now that one is definitely pointless. 

"Yeah, well, "JJ shrugs, pushing his arm out to one side. He's gotten up now and is already walking towards the front of the courthouse. "We all do." 

He knows she wants to say more, but he doesn't want to hear it right now. Kiara accepts that. He feels like there was a time she wouldn't have. She used to put him in his place, but somewhere along the way, she'd stopped. If he had to pinpoint a time, he thinks it was sometime after he'd spent his restitution money on that hot tub. She'd been so angry at first, but after seeing him all bruised up, she hadn't said anything again. She'd even argued with Pope and John B to let them keep the hot tub instead of returning it. In a way, Kie has accepted that this was JJ. He'd always be the guy who drew shit cards and kept gambling like he had a Royal Flush each round. 

"Mr. Maybank, is it?" the judge asks as JJ walks up to the front. John B pats him on the shoulder, leaving his hand there for a while. JJ only nods in response to the judge. "I trust you've calmed down enough to be part of this conversation."

JJ nods once. The judge, still displeased, continues anyway. JJ knows Luke's still in the room; he saw him as soon as he came in. He's standing between Topper Thornton and his lawyer. He must feel like he's on top of the world, sandwiched between those Kooks, and untouchable. He always sort of was for JJ. 

"As discussed during the trial, land ownership has been transferred from the original owner. Seeing as the property was auctioned off before these details were settled, the property is rightfully theirs." 

"Judge, with all due respect, that's unfair," JJ can hear the voices of every adult who ever told him life's not fair as John B speaks. "When we purchased the land, we weren't told of any such issues. To punish us for the fault of another party is wrong." 

The judge nods, not pleased with the situation either. "I agree, Mr. Routledge. However, these are not mere technicalities, and we must not treat them as such. I am sympathetic to you all, and for that, I've decided to grant you a one-week eviction notice." 

JJ scoffs and is pleased to find out he's not the only one. He looks up at you, and when you notice, you roll your eyes as if you are the only ones who can see how idiotic this judge is. 

"What about our money?" You say, your voice full of authority. You're not usually the one who speaks up in public, leaving that kind of work to Cleo, so JJ is surprised to hear you so sure of yourself. "We paid a lot of money for that property; if the auction is void, we should get that back." 

JJ hadn't thought of that. He'd been so caught up in losing this dream he hadn't thought about the fact that the money could be returned to you. That it should be. 

"I also agree with you, Ms. …" You don't fill in the space the judge leaves, instead sticking your nose up at the thought of sharing information about yourself. JJ does nothing to hide the smirk that comes out of him, subconsciously finding himself jutting his chin out to mimic you. The judge continues, but he does not looks happy about your display of rebellion. 

"The sum you paid for the property should be returned to all of you. However, because this auction was done through a third party and not by this court, the money's return could take between three to six months."

The judge lifts his hands at the outburst of the Pogues, cutting them off. "This is completely out of your control, but it is out of my control as well. I've decided that until the money from the auction has been returned, no work can be done on the old Maybank property." 

This time, the Kooks in the room react poorly to the news. JJ should be glad it's not all smooth sailing for the Kooks, but they'll still get there eventually. What's there to celebrate in that? The judge continues, going between appeasing you all and the Kooks and then going over the ground rules. 

The Pogues must leave by the following Wednesday at 12 pm. 

The Kooks may not remove any structures or begin work until the money has been returned to the Pogues. 

There will be another hearing between the two parties and the judge when the money has been returned and construction may only proceed then. 

There's more. So many rules, all of them pointless. 

JJ walks out behind all the Pogues except you. You're walking next to JJ again, with a little more space. No one speaks. 

"JJ," JJ stills at the voice of his father. He can hear it already, that tilt of apology present. JJ never could figure out if it was real. If his dad would have these moments of clarity, he could see just how cruel he was or if it was just a way to get JJ to keep coming back. 

JJ sighs, as if he'd rather be anywhere else than having this conversation, but he wants to hear the reason for the betrayal. 

"What?" JJ asks, his voice full of nonchalance that doesn't belong in this conversation. Topper and his family have already headed towards the parking lot, leaving only Luke, JJ, and the other Pogues. 

"JJ, I'm sorry," Luke starts, inching closer but stopping when JJ steps forward. When Luke's sober, he's a bit of a coward. You gotta believe me; I had no choice." 

"Could've been a man and gone to prison," JJ shrugs. "Simple as that." Luke's face is small, so different from how he looks in his fits of rage. 

"Son, please—" JJ flinches at the term. Son. He hates how much he loves it. 

Groff's my dad. Groff's my dad. Groff's my dad.

Suddenly, he doesn't want to have this conversation anymore.

"You don't deserve him," It's Kie who speaks up from somewhere behind him. "You don't deserve his love." 

JJ wants to vomit. Do they know he loves Luke? Do they not believe him when he pretends not to care? He doesn't want them to see through his act. 

"I'm talking to my son," Luke is shooting daggers at Kie, but she keeps going. 

"Don't call him that. He loves you, and you betray—"

"Kie, stop." JJ mumbles, but she doesn't. 

"You betrayed him. He's so much better than what you gave him." 

JJ's mumbling for Kiara to stop, but it's like she doesn't hear him. Or maybe he's not actually speaking out loud. He feels you then, brushing past him and walking past Kiara, who's come closer to where JJ is standing. You stride up to Luke and JJ wants to pick you up and tuck you away. He knows Luke's basically harmless when he's sober, but he still wants you nowhere near him. 

He watches as your hands grab the front of Luke's worn-out shirt, pulling him down to your level. Your voice is low as you speak, but the words still ring loudly. 

"You're a piece of shit who got in my way," Your teeth are grinding against each other. "Watch your back." You let go with a hard shove that pushes Luke farther back than someone who didn't know you would expect you to be able to accomplish. "And leave JJ and us alone, asshole."

You don't even wait to watch what Luke does, turning around and grabbing JJ's wrist to lead him to the Twinkie. You're mumbling something under your breath the whole way to the Twinkie that JJ can't understand. When you finally reach the Twinkie, you remove your hand from JJ's arm and cross them across your chest. 

"He's such a piece of shit," you whine, and JJ almost wants to laugh. One because you're telling him? And two, because you look practically childlike in your anger, and after such a devastating loss, it's almost a relief. There are no pitying comments in an attempt to soften the blow Luke landed. With JJ, certain steps need to be performed at specific temperatures. Right now, when he's cooled down, but his hand is still on the knob to start the stove, he needs to pretend that nothing is happening. And if he can't do that, he needs to pretend that what's happening isn't a problem unique to him. Somehow, you know exactly how to handle him right now. 

You're making the problem one he can share with you. He doesn't have to shoulder it alone and he doesn't have to feel like he's the only one drowning. He can use you to come up to the surface. 

"That he is," JJ whistles, then smirks as a thought strikes him. "How'd you like meeting your father-in-law?" 

You stare at him momentarily, your eyes comically wide, before you smile at him. Your smile against the backdrop of these circumstances feels like agony and he thinks he may be a masochist. 

"Think I may start calling him daddy." 

"Aye, that title's reserved for me—"

"Okay, okay," you shut him up, your arms coming up to shove at his chest lightly. You're laughing though. Your real laugh, the choking one. JJ's hands come up to catch yours, tugging you closer, and he relishes how your eyes become hooded, the only indication that his being near you does anything. Fuck, why does it do something? 

"You've got the keys," your voice is even, and you don't move away from his grip, almost making him second-guess whether he really does have any effect on you at all. "Unlock the car."

JJ reaches into his pants pocket and then the next, following with the one stitched into his flannel. He's making a show of not being able to find the keys because he knows how you'll react, and he wants that sense of normalcy. 

"JJ, I swear to God if you lost the keys," JJ quickly brandishes the keys from his flannel pocket, giving you a sideways look. You just roll your eyes and get into the back seat. You don't sit next to him when he gets in the driver's seat, and when Kie takes the passenger seat instead, he guesses that makes sense. 

The week following the town hall meeting had been painful, to say the least. It felt like everyone was tiptoeing around one another, afraid to directly address the issue and too stubborn to let go. The Pogues had tried to come up with solutions the evening they returned and the following day. Every option thrown in the middle of their circle seemed like it would be their life raft, but soon enough, they’d find a dozen holes in it. The Pogues were used to working in the gray, but this issue had them working in black and white. The problem was too entangled in legal technicalities to find a backdoor solution. 

You and the other girls are gathered in Sarah and John B’s cramped room because Sarah had said she felt too sick to get out of bed.

“What are you feeling?” You ask Sarah, whose head is resting against your thigh. She has a lethargic look painted across her features that’s making you tired. 

“Mm, don’t know,” Sarah mumbles. “Just feel tired.” 

“You must’ve caught a bug,” Kie says from where she’s sprawled out on the floor. “Just gotta rest.” 

Your hands run through Sarah’s hair to comfort her, but your mind keeps wondering what’ll happen tomorrow. No one is addressing the issue, and even though there’s been ample time to pack, no one has begun to do so either. 

“Where are we gonna go?” Your voice is hushed, afraid to be the one to bring it up. The atmosphere doesn’t shift so much as it intensifies. The threat of leaving this home is constantly looming over you all, but you’re bringing it down and covering the group with it by putting it into words. 

Cleo sighs from her corner of the bed, “We’re gonna go with Pope to his parents’.”

That much you had assumed. It was like when you arrived from Poguelandia and crashed in their living room. Your question had been more abstract. 

“Um, no,” Sarah says, and you can hear the nausea in her voice. It sounds like her words are escaping past a literal lump in her throat. “Y/N has to stay with JJ. You’ll come with John B and me.”

“Sarah, come on. It’s not that serious,” You argue. Your eyes find Kie’s, who has sat up a little and is already looking at you. You hadn’t had the conversation with her yet, and now it feels a bit pointless. You had already married JJ, so what was the point in running it by her? At least that’s what you’re telling yourself. In reality, you have built the conversation up so much that it felt like too high a wall to climb now. 

Sarah lifts her head from your lap, “It is exactly that serious. What kind of married couple splits up a week after their wedding?” You bite back your bitter reply of a ‘fake one,’ not wanting another lecture from Sarah. 

“Well, where exactly are we going? Because the Chateau doesn’t exist anymore.” Sarah’s entire expression changes. She’s biting her lip in a way that makes it seem like she’s sorry more than anxious. 

“So I went to see Rafe after he stopped by at the shop,” Sarah starts, her eyes flitting to the side. “He, uh, was talking about trying to… reconcile our family.”

You’re sure you’re staring at Sarah as if she has two heads. In what world is Rafe Cameron going to save their family?

“And you told him to shove whatever plan he was brewing up his ass, right?” Cleo asks. You hum in agreeance. 

“I know it sounds crazy. Trust me, if anyone knows how untrustworthy he is, it’s me. But… it makes the most sense right now.” Sarah’s picking at her cotton pajama shorts, avoiding you and Cleo’s eyes. Kiara rises from the floor and sits next to Cleo. 

“You’re planning on staying in his house… with him?” Kie’s voice is dripping with well-founded disbelief and defensible judgment. 

“I’m not doing that,” You add. 

“No, of course not,” Sarah finally looks up. “He has a one-bedroom apartment he bought to lease and said John B and I can take it.”

“And you trust that?”

“No, but I trust that he said we can call a guy to change the locks. And that he’ll finance it.” You tilt your head in semi-approval. At least she’s thought it through somewhat. Picking up on the fact that you aren’t entirely convinced, she adds, “It’s our best bet, Y/N. Where else are me, you, and Kie gonna go.”

She’s right, but knowing she’s right doesn’t make it easier to accept this is where fate has taken you. You’d never met someone as evil and, frankly, unhinged as Rafe Cameron. He’d tried to drown his sister, for crying out loud. Now, you were going to trust him to shelter you?

“So, let me get this straight,” Cleo leans forward. “We’re trusting Rafe Cameron to give you a safe space? That’s like giving a kleptomaniac the keys to your shop and asking him to watch it.” 

“What– what other choice do we have?” Sarah’s voice wavers, but she looks resolute about her choice. “I can’t just let us fall apart. Not again. I need to make this work, and if that means trusting Rafe, then so be it.”

You can’t argue with her when you hear how much this means to her. If five of you are together, that’s still better than zero. 

“Um,” You turn to look at Kie. “I’m gonna go stay with my parents.” You lock eyes with Cleo, both of you silently acknowledging how out of character this is for Kiara. Kiara’s relationship with her parents is rocky. Not in the way it was for JJ or Sarah, but her childhood home is not a place of comfort for her. She’s doing this because of you and JJ. Which makes no sense because you and he are nothing. 

“Kie, you’re coming with us,” You insist. 

“No,” Kie shakes her head. “I’m not. A one-bedroom can’t fit five people, and apparently, you’ve gotta stay with JJ. Guess the rest of us have to figure it out alone.” The bitter tone in her voice is not missed, and you’re scrambling to find something to take it away. Kiara may not be the closest to you, but she is your family. You love her like you love Sarah and Cleo. You don’t want to lose her because of a guy you don’t even like romantically.

You love them all, and they’re all slipping out of your grasp. Kiara’s bitterness, Sarah’s desperate optimism, and Cleo’s lack of contesting all leave you feeling like the ground is being taken out from under you. Then there’s JJ– residing in your mind in the form of a shadow and complicating everything. 

One moment, he’s behaving so much like the reckless boy who drives you crazy, his words biting and his actions thoughtless. He makes you want to scream, but when you least expect it, he’s pulling you in close and shielding you from the chaos — even when he’s the cause. His touch is always steady, anchoring you to this convoluted reality. That part of him — the one that seems like his rawest, most unguarded self — gives you whiplash. He’s a mess you feel you’re constantly cleaning and a safety net continually catching you. 

“Kie–” You try to get her attention. 

“Hey, Sar, I’m gonna go make you some soup. Just… call the boys back. Let’s have our last dinner.” 

You're not sure how the night had rushed by you so quickly. The dinner had been a haze of forced conversation, and the night had been full of drunken suppression. No one reminisced about their time at Poguelandia 2.0 and discussed how much they'd miss it. That might be something you'd all regret in the future, but it seemed like your last line of defense last night, to live in denial. 

You're all outside the house now, the early morning sun mocking you. The sun isn't gentle. It beats down on you but does nothing to warm you from the chill washing down your spine. The sharp light cuts you out of your thoughts of the wasted night, a cruel reminder that it's all over. Pope and Kie's parents drove up to help transfer their belongings, but they were waiting further away to give you all privacy. The yard, which you had loved for its spaciousness, feels too small. You could see Mr. Heyward leaning against his truck, trying to maintain a respectful distance from the group. Kie's dad had packed his car with her belongings and immediately sat back in the driver's seat, never wanting to interact with the rest of you. You know Pope's dad is carrying your grief with you all, but you wonder if Kiara's dad feels more smug– like he finally gets his chance to shout, 'I told you so!' You want to beg Kiara not to give up, not to go back to their house, but you don't because you think you're the last person she'll listen to. 

You're unsure how many hugs Sarah gives you, but she won't stop even though you are both going to the same place. Cleo isn't holding it together nearly as well as you thought she would. The strongest girl you know is failing at hiding the tremor in her voice, and it's throwing you off balance.

"You sure you and JJ can't just crash with us?" She asks, resting her hand on your arm. 

You shake your head. "We'd just make it harder for you guys." You can see on Cleo's face that that isn't the right thing to say, so you add, "Plus, Pope would get back pains after we force him to sleep on the floor."

Cleo gives you a shakey smile before pulling you in toward her. She hugs you tighter than ever before, and you return it tenfold. She'd been your rock since you were fourteen. You'd never spent a night more than a few rooms away from her, and now you'd be on different sides of this island, which you felt you were still learning some days. You didn't know how to survive without her guiding your way. 

"I'll call you," She whispers.

"Every day," You promise. 

When you pull away, you see JJ standing in the corner with Kie. He looks like he's trying to convince her of something, his hands waving as he speaks. Kie has that determined look on her face that you always admired. She doesn't look like she'll budge about whatever they're discussing. You don't want to stare at this private moment between them but can't tear your eyes away. Is he pleading with her? Apologizing? Only saying goodbye? 

You don't have to watch Kiara and JJ for much longer because suddenly she's stepping away from him with her hand out to halt his motions. That's the last you see of Kiara before she walks away from the slowly dispersing group. Pope and Cleo are the next to go, leaving a hole in your heart that you're not sure you'll ever fill. 

The ride to Rafe's apartment is quiet, even quieter than the ride you four had taken to the courthouse the day of your wedding. When you finally reach the building, no one announces the arrival and no one talks until you enter the apartment. It's a grand apartment, fully furnished and nicely decorated. You'd expect nothing less from a Kook property, and it makes you want to tear apart every – probably custom-made – painting on the wall. Why do they have to have everything? 

"Fucking Kooks," JJ mumbles, taking in the room. "Fucking Kooks."

"Couldn't Rafe have just bought the land? " John B. adds, and it feels like a stab to the chest. 

You can hear Pope commenting with some smart-ass comment or shockingly sassy remark, but he isn't here, and no one fills the silence. 

You don't bother unpacking your suitcase; you're so used to living out of limited storage space. Instead, you help Sarah hang her clothes while the boys go to the grocery store to get a couple of essentials. Sarah is in the restroom, and you've just finished hanging the last of John B's printed button-downs. For a Pogue, he sure did have a lot of shit.

"Oh my God!" You hear a screech from the connected restroom, startling you. You drop the shirt you just picked up from Sarah's box of clothes. 

With your heart in your throat, you approach the restroom door, "Sarah?"

"Oh my God, oh my God," Sarah continues to repeat the three words, her alarm rising each time. 

"Sarah, open up," When she doesn't reply but her panic persists, you try the knob and find the restroom is unlocked. "I'm coming in," you warn and rush in without waiting for a response. 

Sarah is bent over the sink, her left hand covering her mouth. Her right arm is hidden from your view, and she's shaking. 

"What happened?" You ask, leaning forward to find some semblance of an answer. 

Sarah doesn't say anything, but she pushes her right arm out towards you. Her lips are pursed in a thin line, her cheeks void of color. You take a moment to process what she is showing you. In her hand is a blue and white stick, and you take it from her hand to inspect it closer.

"Holy shit."

It's a pregnancy test. A positive pregnancy test. Sarah's positive pregnancy test.

"Is this…" 

"It's real," Sarah whispers. You look up at her, and she returns your stare as if she is expecting you to explain this to her. 

"What are you going to do?" It isn't the right thing to say in this situation, but it's the first thing you can think of. 

"I don't know," Sarah's voice breaks, and her emotions flood out. "I mean, I'm nineteen. I'm living in my murderous brother's rental property because we don't even have jobs. Babies are expensive! I need a job. What will JB thi–"

"Hey, hey," you say, placing the pregnancy test on the counter and stepping toward her to cut off her rambling. Breathe, Sar. Just breathe." Her chest is heaving, and you exaggerate your breathing to model what you need from her. When she begins to calm down and matches her breath to yours, you ask, "Is this something you want?"

Sarah lets out something between an inhale and a whimper. At first, she shakes her head, but something changes when she turns to the sink, and her eyes catch on the test. Her shoulders fall, but instead of devastation, you see relief. 

"I want this so bad," She whispers. You agree with everything she said: having a baby in her situation doesn't fit, but you can't help but smile at her. "I didn't think I would, but if I am…" Her hand rests on her stomach, a streak of protectiveness you are both used to seeing from her and is entirely foreign to you. "I'd want to keep it."

Your chest swells with warmth. "Then that's what you'll do," you tell her firmly. "And we'll all be here for you. Every step of the way." You offer her a confident smile, and she returns it with a hesitant curve of her lip. 

"I'm going to have a baby," Sarah whispers again, but her smile seems impossible to contain as she says it. 

You laugh, pulling her in for a hug, "You're going to have a baby." 

Sarah tightly winds her arms around you, "I can't do this alone." 

After so many years, you want to cry for the hundredth time in the past two weeks. This beautiful girl who loves so freely is afraid no one will love her enough to endure this trial with her. Her tumultuous relationship with her family aside, your new family has been torn apart, and she's finding out there's going to be a new and very dependent member. 

"And you never will be," You promise. "This baby's got a village." 

"Baby," she squeals. Your laughter bubbles up and washes over the room, blocking out the weight of the world for this moment—this moment between two friends and their shared joy, hope, fear, love, and life.  

You'd decided you'd wait for Sarah to tell John B about the baby before you left the apartment. You had to. John B and Sarah would need privacy and space to grow their family. A one-bedroom was already too small for that task, and adding two grown adult roommates would worsen the situation. You'd already shared the bedroom with Sarah the night before when John B had insisted he'd take the couch. You couldn't keep that up. 

You didn't know where you'd go, but maybe you could take Cleo's offer to stay with her and Pope. JJ would have to bite the bullet and stay with Kie at her parents. You'd figure it out. But you didn't want to be more of a burden than you already were on your best friends. 

John B and Sarah had left the following evening to go on a walk, where Sarah would tell him the good news. You'd figured you'd use that chance to explain to JJ what was happening. 

"Hey," you announce your presence, though it seems a bit unnecessary since you are both on opposite ends of the same couch. 

JJ directs his attention away from his phone and to you, "Yeah?"

"So, I needed to tell you something," JJ must notice how serious you are because he shuts off his phone and tilts his body to face you. "It's about our living arrangement."

"You wanna stay with Cleo?" He asks. "That must be hard." 

You weren't sure if anyone else had noticed how much separation from Cleo affected you, but apparently, JJ had enough insight to assume it would. 

"No, uh, it's not that," JJ waits for you to continue. "But what I'm about to say is a secret. Like, a huge one. So no one can know."

This makes JJ's brows knit together in confusion. "Okay? What is it?" 

"Sarah's pregnant." JJ's jaw drops with humorous speed before he begins to open and shut it. He's sputtering, unable to form a thought. 

"Relax," You say, giving him a peculiar look. "You're not the father." 

"She's pregnant? John B's gonna be a dad?"

You nod, letting him process this however he needs the time to. JJ sinks back into the couch as if he is being physically hit with the news. 

"Wow," his hands run through his hair. "Parents. They're gonna be parents," JJ shakes his head, and you wish you could be in his mind at this moment. Is he being judgmental? Is he worried?

"Wait, are they?" He asks suddenly, sitting up straighter. "Does she want us to— does she need our help. Is that why you're telling me?" It takes you a moment to understand what he means. 

"No, she doesn't need us for anything like that," you assure him, a bit caught off guard by his awareness of situations like these. JJ isn't the most emotionally intelligent guy, at least you don't think so, and his awareness of other potential options is a bit of a surprise. "They're going to be parents."

"Wow, that's… amazing," He mumbles. "For them. Could not be me, but good for them." You laugh, the JJ you know poking through from behind all the maturity. 

"Yeah, agreed," JJ chuckles at your grave tone. "But that's why I wanted to talk to you."

"Right," He nods, suddenly remembering the start of this conversation. 

"We need to leave. The apartment, I mean. They'll need their space, and we can't overstay our welcome." 

"Where would we even go?" JJ rubs his hand against his clean-shaven jaw. 

"I could stay with Cleo, and you'd probably hate this, but Kie's parents—"

"What? No way," JJ leans forward again, his expression tightening. "We're not splitting up."

"We aren't?" You ask dumbly. You had expected JJ to push back on leaving the apartment. It may have had just one bedroom, but it was better than any home he'd had before. Plus, it was much better than encroaching on the Carrera's property for him. You hadn't expected him to be concerned about you two going your own ways. 

"We have to stick together." There's a certainty in his stare and an edge to his voice that has you second-guessing yourself. It pins you in place and leaves you defenseless. "Or none of this will look real." 

Oh. Right. What else would he have been concerned about?  

"I doubt Kie or Pope's parents would blow our cover," you say, keeping your voice light, hoping to conceal any disorientation. JJ gives you a pointed look, and you sheepishly correct yourself: "Maybe Mike, but we can find a way past that."

JJ sighs, not laughing at your light attempt at humor, "We're not splitting up."

"We don't have anywhere to go, though," You sigh. "Remember, you said it yourself, no one else will cover for us."

JJ's shoulders fall, and he gives you a look that makes you want to take back everything you've ever said. He looks so… fragile. You may have missed it if you weren't looking at him as closely as you are, but it's undeniably there. 

"We cover each other," he shrugs, and with those four words, he speaks so nonchalantly that he eases the weight you've felt growing on your shoulders. He sighs again, leaning back against the couch. "I know somewhere we can crash." 

You wouldn't have imagined going along with that uncomfortably vague statement a week ago, but now you had no other option. All you can do is follow JJ blindly, even though your trust in him is hanging by a fragile thread. For once in your life, you don't bother asking questions. You're too exhausted to try to piece together your next steps as diligently as usual. You'll figure it out later. 

When Sarah and John B returned, you'd tried your best to arrange a celebratory dinner for them. You'd used the ridiculously expensive glassware Rafe had stocked the apartment with – because, of course, Kooks that could afford real estate on this side of the Island couldn't buy their own plates and cups – and put a very fancy peanut butter and jelly sandwich on each plate. It was all you could do, but you made Sarah's a double-decker for what it's worth. It hadn't made you feel great that you could hear her hurling the contents of her dinner from your spot in the living room (JJ had gotten a good laugh out of that). 

It had taken a lot of convincing and even more tears for Sarah and John B to agree to let you go. They had reasonably questioned where you planned to stay, and JJ mentioned something about a Jim Buckley. The name meant nothing to you, but John B seemed to understand. John B had looked apprehensive but hadn't shut the idea down completely, which made you feel better. He'd even driven the Twinkie to drop you two off while Sarah turned in earlier than usual. You'd held her tight and whispered your promise to her again. You and JJ separating from them was only physical. Nothing could keep you away from that baby now that you knew they existed. 

When John B pulls up to what looks like a dock, you step out of the car to give him and JJ privacy. They'reTheir connection is like yours and Cleo's. You've seen how they communicate without words and how sometimes the only person who can reel JJ in is John B. Saying goodbye will be painful, even with the sweet reminder of who you're all doing this for now. 

You take the time to figure out where you are. The dock extends over a large lake, not the ocean. There'sThere are only a few man-made lakes in the OBX since most Kooks are in the market for real estate by the ocean. You notice a secluded mansion that seems like it touches the sky. In typical Kook fashion, it's humongous, but unlike most other mansions, the nearest house to it is a few miles down. 

When JJ exits the Twinkie, his eyes are misty, but you don't comment on it. Instead, you'd sidle up to his side, your entire demeanor asking him what's next. You hate this– not knowing and not being in control. You never relinquish your control unless it's to Cleo, and it took a few years before you could get to that place with her. The itch for control is catching up to you.

"Why are we at a dock? Whose house is that?"

"That would be Jim Buckley's house. Used to maintain his boat for him when I was younger." You nod, waiting for him to expand on that, but he doesn't. 

"And he's going to kindly let us stay with him?" You ask, a false sense of hope laced in your tone. You know that's not happening. 

JJ snorts, "Yeah, right. No, we're gonna crash on this fine boat of his." JJ waves his hand in front of him, towards the water. You look at the dock, and there, tied firmly to a post, is a cabin cruiser. More specifically, a Yellowfin 54. You'd dreamed of having one since you were fifteen, and after moving to the Island, you would enviously look at each one you passed. 

"We're gonna stay here?" You ask with a slight pep in your voice. You try your best to mask that little bit of excitement and focus on the issue at hand. "We can't. We'll get caught."

"Don't gotta worry about that," JJ shrugs, heading towards the boat. You follow him as he explains further. "Jim's usually flying internationally for business and the missus is usually miles away at Kelce's dad's place when that happens."

"She's cheating on him?" You gasp.

JJ waves his hand behind him, "It's fine. Jim's probably doing the same in, like, China." 

"Um, okay. I'm going to ignore how you know this, but what about maintenance. If they're never here, it must be in horrible shape."

"I used to do maintenance for them, and I know for a fact they have someone take care of it every Tuesday at ten a.m., without fail," JJ offers, and you can't lie that your nerves are calming a bit. "He uses it when he's in town, and Janet puts him in the dog house."

"And Janet is Mrs. Buckley?" You ask.

"Yes, ma'am, she is," JJ stops right in front of the boat, turning to smirk at you. "I was wondering when you'd start your interrogation."

"Shut up," you roll your eyes and sidestep him to get up onto the boat. You don't take the hand JJ's offering you; instead, you stick your hand out so he can use you as support. JJ gives you a sarcastic smile but still takes your hand. He doesn't let go as he guides you to the front of the boat. Lifting the cushion of one of the seats, he pulls out a small key.

"Jackass still keeps it here," JJ mumbled, throwing the key up before catching it in his fist. He has that dangerous look on his face, the one he gets when he's winning a risky gamble. JJ leads you to a short, narrow door on the side of the boat. Before he places the key in the lock, he pulls you in, searching your eyes. He seems like he's waiting on you. For what exactly, you're not sure, but he doesn't deter his staring. You don't have to voice your concerns. He's used to you badgering him with your distrust. 

Still, you say one thing. "JJ, someone could find us." 

"I know," he nods. His voice is quiet but steady. He's grounding you again, tethering you. He doesn't cut into your concerns. Instead, he catches them and holds them with care and understanding. "You don't have to trust this, but try to trust me," 

"Impossible, I know," he says. A small laugh bubbles past his lips, his expression genuinely amused. He steps forward then, using the hand that's still clad in yours to pull you towards him. The smile leaves his face, but his voice softens as he speaks. "But will you try? For us?"

The air around you compresses, pushing you two together until there is space for nothing except a little spark between your chests. A spark ignited by the words Us. That word hits you like a bad wave wiping you off your board. In a literal sense, you are an us, two people in this together. But it means so much more. Like, after you step into the cabin, everything will change. There won't be a you or JJ. There won't even be a you and JJ. It'll only be an Us. One unit. For better or for worse, it's Us. 

"I-I'll try," you stammer. JJ gives you a grateful smile. 

"We'll lay ground rules, make sure no one catches us," JJ promises. There really is nowhere else to go, and all you can do right now is either give this a shot or sleep on the streets. "And if we get caught, at least the jails have cots." Or that.

You hit your hand against JJ's arms, and he pulls away, laughing. He takes two small steps away from you, but the spark doesn't snap. It grows. No amount of distance can extinguish it now. 

He puts the key into the lock and opens the cabin door. You note that the door doesn't creek. He ducks his head and crouches to step inside, flicking the switch to his right. The dim light spills out around him. You follow his lead, his hand– still holding yours– pulling you through despite any lingering hesitation. 

The interior looks exactly as you remember seeing it online when you would mindlessly scroll. The "lounge" area consists of a leather couch built into the floor, a sink with a microwave over it, a fridge under it, and two doors. If your research is correct, one door will lead to a full-sized bed, and the other will lead to a restroom that makes a porta-potty seem big. You'd dreamed of having a boat like this for vacations and fishing days. You'd never wanted it to be your home. After you'd left Terrance, you hadn't wanted to return to ship life, but at least it wasn't foreign to you. You'd know how to maintain it and make it work. 

JJ strokes his thumb against the skin of your hand as he announces, "Home sweet home." 

"Home sweet home," You agree.

taglist: @theater-bitch @ayy1234567 @tpwkyarely @loves animals0000 @b3rryb3t @mvaldez7821 @ummmmokaynotme @velyssaraptor @chloemaybank @sandaltoesocks @thexplosivegirl @rudypankowisbae @marleymarleymarleymarley @snowtargaryen @awurtzx06 @yumwhy @rudypankowisbae @thxtmarvelchick @otra-chica-0 @agnxstic @rinaarii @kaisgirlie

[panickingpansexuality]

Mommy Issues

Your mother comes to visit you

Warning this story contains a not wonderful reunion with a toxic parent

For five years you have been no contact with your mother and everyday that her words didn't dig into you was another day that you were healing.

Elliott and you were at the Saloon sharing a drink in celebration of him coming home from a second book tour. He was working on another novel but was having trouble finding a good antagonist, luckily for him and ill fortunated of, you fate was just about to deliver one.

The door to the Saloon opened and your entire body went rigid.

"Ellie.." you whisper out. "We gotta go."

Elliott doesn't ask questions, the woman's back is turned to you two as she chats up Gus, quickly you two make it for the door and out into the night.

"Who is that?" He asks as you two speed walk home.

"My mother.." you say your heart clenching in your chest. "I can't believe she's here."

Elliott knew the relationship with your mother wasn't one to write home about, he knew that she had ripped your heart out with her narcissistic personality and you had fought hard to get away from her.

"Breathe my darling." Elliott said grabbing your hand

You went through your breathing exercises feeling the bile rise up in your throat. A thousand questions ran through your head as you wondered why she was here. Why now? Who had told her you were here? Dad?

You didn't remember the walk home, the feeling of Elliott holding your hand and controlling your uneven breaths were all you could register.

The lights were out, Elliot's body held yours as a form of sensory seeking.

"I hope she doesn't find the farm." You say quietly

Elliott stayed up with you until two when you both went to bed.

The next morning there was a knock on your door around ten. You went to answer it, Elliott was in the barn with Bubba the pig. Which left you alone with the woman you hated the most.

"Mother." You said.

"Hello (y/n), my darling. Stand up straight will you? Is this your home?" You stepped back as she let herself in.

"My, have you only just moved in? It looks like it needs a lot of work."

"We do ask." Elliott said from the doorway, "that guests take off their shoes before entering."

"Who's this?" Your mother asks taking a seat the table.

"My husband." You say tightly.

She looks Elliott up and down like a stain in the carpet, then turns to you.

"Well, I suppose that he's your type, though I think that he could do a little better."

"Do not speak about my partner like that." Elliott says coldly.

"Oh are you still in with that gender nonsense?" Your mother asks you. "Seriously darling, you're a perfect girl I see no reason to-"

"They," Elliott says tightly "are a perfect person and I think it's time you leave." Elliott says, "I spent four years chasing after that human. Four years of hoping and praying that I would get a single date and Yoba granted me with a partner more perfect than nature itself."

Your mother leaned back in the chair and looked him up and down.

"I came all this way and you're going to tell me to leave my daughter?"

"You came all this way to ridicule your child and I'm telling you that I will not stand by and have you rip away what they've been trying to heal for the last five years! Now you can either walk out or I can have our trusty goat kick you out."

"You let a goat into your house no wonder it's so-"

"Taylor!" Elliott yells outside, with a quick a high pitched whistle your goat jumps the stone fence and runs up past your dog and into the house.

The goat belts innocently at you, with a quick wag of it's tail it looks at the stranger and goes behind the chair she's sitting in.

The goat headbutts the chair and the woman stumbles out of it, she screeches as the goat and pulls the hem of your mother's skirt. She screams and runs out of the house cursing you both.

You run to the door and yell;

"Fuck off with you and your curses you hateful cunt!"

Elliott laughs and Taylor the goat belts after her, then innocently leaves the house and goes for the berry bush for a well deserved treat.

"Are you alright?" Elliott asks you.

You sigh and lean against the doorway, heart pounding, shaking your head you wordlessly allow Elliott to hold you in his arms.

"I froze up..thank you so much for standing up for me."

Elliott shakes kisses the top of your head, his arms like a weight holding you to reality that you're safe.

"I will always do what I can for you, please don't thank me for doing the bare minimum."

"Elliott, it isn't the bare minimum to me..its more than I could ever dream of someone doing for me."

Elliott sighs, a knot in his chest forming at how such a little basic action means the world to you, he feels good that he made you feel good but he hates how it was through him doing something anyone should do for you.

Your husband is almost startled when suddenly you pull away and place a sensual kiss to his lips, his arms coming to your ribcage to hold you close, a small groan escaping him as you kiss.

Someday you'll realize that someone who loves you should do more than the bare minimum for you and your confidence will truly thrive then and he can't wait to grow with you through that.

[flippinpancakes64]

can you please write some headcanons for Carlisle with male reader who is a workaholic and Carlisle constantly has to remind him to go to bed (sometimes even having to drag him to bed)?

Carlisle Cullen with a workaholic Reader

Thank you for requesting and I hope you like this!

Again in your request you mentioned a male reader but I tried to make it more gender-neutral I hope that's okay

Also I tried doing something new... I tried actually writing a narrative story to go with this. Carlisle is one of my favorites and I got really inspired. Tell me if it sucks please like genuinely

Yeah edit here from after I'm done writing this, I got really carried away...

He understands what it's like to be obsessed with working

I mean he's been working for like 400 years

And he doesn't even need to

The only difference is that it doesn't matter if he spends all of his time working

He doesn't need to sleep, eat, or rest

He could literally do the most back-breaking labor in the world for two weeks straight with no breaks at all and he would be fine

A little bored but fine

But you?

This can't go on

For as long as you guys have been dating, he has noticed the same pattern repeats basically every week

You work yourself to the bone for like four days straight, he steps in finally and tells you to take it easy, you take it easy for a couple days, and then you're back at it

He understands, your work means a lot to you

But you mean a lot to him

So he does his best one day to show you what he means

You're sitting at Carlisle's desk in the Cullen house. You didn't even need to ask anymore to be able to use it. What's his is yours. It's late at night, the moon is high in the sky and the house has quieted down. No one is asleep, of course. And if you were awake enough, you would be able to hear the hushed, quick conversations taking place through the house. But as you sit at his desk, finishing some paperwork that didn't even need to be done for another week, your eyes were drooping.

This was the third day in a row that you had done this, and Carlisle was tired of it. He was sitting on the couch downstairs, not really paying attention to the show that Rosalie had on the TV, when he heard your breathing begin to slow. He heard your pen strokes become less and less frequent, and he finally heard you drop your pen altogether. With a sigh he stood up and ascended the stairs. And there you were, one hand propping your head up as your other arm laid atop the stack of papers sitting in front of you. Eyes closed, breathing even, peaceful.

He would have smiled at the sight if he wasn't so frustrated. He had no idea what to do anymore. No matter how many times he has asked, begged, pleaded, and bargained with you to just simply take care of yourself, you've never listened. All it's ever gotten him have been empty promises that end up with the both of you here again. Him watching his beloved human mate working themself to death.

So he starts on his final plan. Last ditch effort.

You wake up to the feel of your pen being taken from your lax hand. You blink the sleep out of your tired eyes to see your boyfriend standing above you with a smile on his face.

"Oh, hey," you say, yawning slightly. "I was just, uh, resting my eyes."

"Really?" He says with a hint of playfulness in his words. "Looked to me like you were sleeping. Maybe even like you're tired and ready to go to sleep for the night."

You sighed. "I told you already, I just need to finish these reports for Wednesday."

"Wednesday as in next Wednesday? As in a whole week from now?" He says with a frown, "Why do you need it done so soon?"

You groan in frustration, "I just do, okay? I've already told you I just like to be on top of things."

He sighs and grabs your face, forcing you to look at him. You shiver slightly at his cold hands. "This is not 'being on top of things,' this is full-on obsession," he says sternly.

You huff and pull your face away. "You're not one to talk. You work all of the time. So stop being a hypocrite."

"I'm not trying to argue. All I want is for you to see what you are doing to yourself, and to me." He sighs.

And that's when you finally let your eyes fall on the man that you love, really taking him in. His hair is disheveled, his eye bags are pronounced, his clothes are ruffled. This is the roughest you've ever seen him look.

"I'm worried about you," he says in explanation of his appearance. "I love you, I want- no I need you to take care of yourself. I worry, constantly."

You sit there stunned for a second, processing the fact that you have made this perfect man, the epitome of surreal beauty and professionalism, practically get on his knees and beg you to go to sleep. You steal a glance to the stack of papers on the desk, calling your name, crying for just one more to be completed. Your mind fills with the anxiety of turning in your paperwork late, the embarrassment of facing your boss, the stress of catching up. But one more look into his golden eyes and you stand up.

He flashes a blinding smile and drags you to your shared bedroom. He waits patiently, following you around as you change, brush your teeth, and finally crawl under the sheets.

It's only as you're cuddled up to him, looking into his beautiful eyes and stroking his handsome face that your thumb smudges something under his eye. Some more rubbing and the "eye bag" under his left eye is gone.

"You liar!" You gasp indignantly.

All he does is chuckle and kiss you.

Outside the door you can swear you hear Alice laugh lightly.

[sodalitea]

I - Miracles of the White Nights [Il Dottore x Reader/OC]

For Valentine’s Day I’m sharing the first chapter of my longer fanfiction about Il Dottore and my Genshin OC Marie Snezhevna (this story can be perceived as reader insert type of thing; the characters' names play a big role in the plot and I decided to pick them by myself). In this chapter I have not provided the most detailed background of the current circumstances between Zandik and Marie, but I plan to do so in the future. I don’t really know if I’ll update it in any regular schedule, but for sure I’m going to continue this story. Meanwhile, enjoy!

TW: Minimally suggestive! Mentions of Marie's guesses about Dottore's true intentions.  Summary: Small gestures make a big difference. Due to the long lasting effects of a serious argument with Il Dottore, Marie Shnezhevna gets degraded on the lower position in Haeresys despite being one of his most reliable workers in the lab. Three months later a ceasefire is established. Zandik finds surprising but efficient way to trick her into getting promoted again. Don't repost my artworks/writings please! I'll appreciate likes, comments and reblogs. I am the author of both text and signature illustarion. ♡ English is my second language, there may occur some grammar issues!

AO3 link

I - Miracles of the White Nights

“The days in Snezhnaya seem identical. Wherever you go, you will find your hair and eyelashes frozen. It's so cold that you have to keep moving your body constantly in order to survive, even in the properly chosen clothing. Everywhere you look, you'll be surrounded by the snowy desert. If you stray too far from human settlements, your eyes will be obscured by one of the sudden snowstorms. Bunch of snowflakes will cut into your face like tiny, marvelously crafted blades. Somewhere on the horizon you may spot the outlines of deep, impenetrable, coniferous forests. You will find it difficult to stand straight due to the violent blows of the whistling wind trying to bury you alive in the frosty grave. It's worth mentioning that the typical Snezhnayan days are rather short in comparison to local nights that can last even for months. This land is harsh, but it still possesses unique, raw beauty. Those cold nights offer truly charming views in the form of multi-colored aurorae you couldn't experience anywhere else in equally rich form. The artistry of almighty Cryo Archon is undeniable, only the canvas she uses to paint her abstract compositions are painfully fake. Of course, these aren't the only charms of the Ice Nation. This country is huge and full of contrasts. What may seem surprising is this special time of the year when the sun takes control over the sky completely, so it doesn't set at all. The local population describes this phenomenon as the "Miracle of the White Nights''. Over the course of four hundred years, one could experience many of them, but they could not compare to the fragrant, inflaming nights in the Nation of Wisdom.”

Zandik, as he wasn't holed up in the deepest dungeons of Haeresys, stopped next to one of the windows in the southern part of his mansion and locked his gaze on the distance. The scarlet irises wandered somewhere along the glittering horizon, seemingly without any specific goal as the Harbinger enjoyed pervasive silence. Since he got rid of the segments, it had been happening more and more often. Sometimes he was just trying to shake off a strange feeling of lightness inside his skull. He was fed up with everything. Exhausted with the amount of delayed work. Instead of dealing with serious matters, he wasted too much time on trivial affairs such as correcting the mistakes of people less competent than himself. For centuries he wasn't relying on his employees that much and now he was just even more disappointed with them. After all, they were only humans with ordinary lifespans, without the satisfying amount of experience that would possibly match the level of Teyvat's most powerful mind. Zandik felt frustrated by the lack of quick alternatives to slow down the pace of his own work. He was alone with all of the projects he started when his other selves were still present. By the time he still handled most of the things on his own in different forms, but for now he couldn't even rely on himself truly. This would be a disgrace to him if he addressed this issue to Pierro or their Archon, since for hundreds of years he had been an exceptional professional, the master of planning and reacting quickly to every breakthrough revelation. He was always a few steps before everyone. At this stage, it was not possible for him to return to such a tedious work alone. It would be much less problematic if only deadlines never existed. Escape in thought was his way to break away from the unfavorable situation at least for a short moment. His thoughts traveled to the place where it never snowed. To the forests that sheltered a much richer variety of living organisms. The days were longer there, and the hot nights often made it impossible to fall asleep. The scents in Sumerian air could effortlessly mess with the restless minds of angry young men living for some greater purposes… For the Second Harbigner of Shneznaya, looking towards Sumeru was an involuntary, bitter flirtation with his own past. Currently he was in a place so incongruous to his homeland, but it was the only nation that guaranteed him complete freedom and support in turning his wildest daydreams into reality. It was the only place in Teyvat that allowed him to prove himself the way he was. He had everything he wanted to continue his journey and test the ideas that many would not even dare to think about… And yet, somewhere in his suppressed consciousness, he understood perfectly well that even here he was just a stranger meant to simply play his part. This time, as the man continued staring out the window, he heard the echo of someone's slow footsteps on the marble floor behind him. He recognized the sequence of these steps extraordinarily well… Those were inimitable. If only their owner walked barefoot, she would reach him in perfect silence. The corners of the Doctor's mouth turned up involuntarily.

“Marie Snezhevna,” he said without even turning towards the woman. Instead, he laced his fingers together behind his back. “Is this an emergency? At this hour I would rather expect to witness your presence in the laboratory or in your chamber.”

His voice echoed crystal clear between the walls of the corridor occupied by him and his underling. As usual, the scientist chose his words in a stiff, somewhat archaic way. Although it added seriousness and supposed politeness to his overall image, he himself seemed distant. Despite Zandik's cold demeanor, his interlocutor did not feel rejected. She was used to talking to him. Marie's interactions with Il Dottore resembled rituals based on some unwritten rules which the main participants managed to learn over the last few years. If there was an ordinary side witness there, the said unrefined observer could experience the eagerness to say that both Marie and Dottore enjoyed engaging in these subtle games.

“I will leave immediately if I interrupted something important,” the woman replied calmly, keeping her demeanor professional. Zandik remained silent for a moment, giving her no answer. This made the woman sigh heavily before she turned her back towards him to fulfill her promise. The quiet rustle of her clothes alerted the Harbinger, who slowly turned towards her and squinted his eyes hidden under the raven mask.

“Stop.”

It was an order. Naturally, the woman immediately stopped and turned her face towards him, allowing him to continue his speech. After all, she had to respect his will. He cleared his throat, seemingly offended by the whole situation.

“You wouldn't come here without a reason. Besides, I don't think it's respectful to be in a hurry when you're talking to your boss.” Indeed, he had known her for a long time and he knew what he could expect from her. He had to play it cool, precisely because — since he had fully understood his own position over the last few months – he didn't want to miss the opportunity to finally talk to Marie alone.

Since he delivered the two gnosis to Tsaritsa, he cut off almost all forms of communication with his former main assistant except her reports on the progress of her research under his command. Although the heretical scientist usually didn't care about time, now it felt like the whole eternity had passed. A really strange thing. Deep down in his heart he was a simple coward, or maybe his unwavering patience was reasonable and had finally paid off as the woman herself announced her readiness for a face-to-face confrontation? Marie shrugged her arms and shifted her body weight to one of her hips before shaking her head, sighing again with a faint smile on her lips. It was an extremely familiar gesture, as if everything before had never had the opportunity to set them apart.

“Of course, naturally…” she looked up at him, and then her facial features softened noticeably. “I just want to thank you for everything you did for me. I really didn't expect this. Certainly not after I caused additional problems in a very crucial situation. I made it all about myself. I think you deserve an apology for what I said, when I stated that you're…”

“Your apology is unnecessary.”

The Harbinger made a gentle gesture with his hand to silence her. He didn't want Marie to take old skeletons out of the closet. He also did not want to elaborate more about the choice of his that had a negative impact on his daily functioning. He wasn't even bothered by the earlier behavior of his former assistant anymore. Even though he still couldn't fully accept what she truly meant back then, he understood her perspective on an intellectual level. During that mission, he was caught off guard by Kusanali and he just did what was necessary to succeed. However, he could have done it all more skillfully to minimize the unpleasant side effects of the special operation. However, he did not take this into account at the time, so he was delaying an adequate response to Marie's complaints. No honest apology passed his lips in ages and he wasn't very likely to utter that magical word anytime soon.

“Follow me. It will be much more beneficial,” he gestured and clasped his hands behind his back again. Then, he started moving further into the southern nave of the mansion. He walked leisurely, visibly waiting for Marie to go after him. True to his expectations, she caught up with him very quickly. When Marie glanced at his face from closer distance, she spotted his poor state immediately. He looked extremely tired and couldn't hide it even under the mask. His skin was paler than usual and it had a sickly greenish undertone. Exhaustion would explain his growing isolation in a convincing way. His own pride was his downfall. As they walked through the corridors in silence, listening to the wind blowing outside, Marie noticed that they were approaching the sector of private chambers. His intentions could be... everything and anything.

Dottore's supposed intentions caused Marie's consternation, but in order to avoid hasty guesses, she decided to keep all comments to herself. The time on his side teached her that the worst things were usually caused by the incorrect assumptions about his agenda. Yet, when Zandik started unlocking the door to his dorm, the woman cleared her throat quietly and took a step back.

“I'll wait outside.”  

Slightly awkward smile appeared on her face. She received a reply in the form of a nod. It seemed that he didn't care about the goal that could stereotypically motivate any man to take a woman to his apartment. Overally, Zandik loved privacy, so Marie was going to respect that as well, leaving aside the obvious moral issues. The Doctor disappeared inside his apartment for around five minutes. When he came back, he handed her a small box wrapped in a papyrus. He had a gentle yet wry smile on his lips that only fools could trust. He warned the woman before she started asking him any questions.

“In Sumeru I managed to obtain some new chemical samples which I expect you to analyze, describe, and maybe even extract something completely new from them. I just require you to be extremely careful when handling them. I didn’t choose any intermediary, considering the high value of those resources… I'm strongly against unpacking them outside of the laboratory environment.”

“I see. I will do my best to keep them safe,” Marie took over the package with extreme caution. She seemed to turn pale when she heard a silent clink of glass under the packaging. She looked fearfully at the Harbringer, who rubbed the tip of his nose with his knuckles, covering the lower part of his face at the same time. It took a lot of effort for him not to burst into manic laughter. Fortunately, Dottore was an excellent actor.

“This is another urgent project that has been delayed unexpectedly, so get on with it immediately… If you can make it this evening, I might even consider promoting you again.”

The man sounded as categorical as promising. Yes, exactly, it was a great idea for Marie to return to her previous position. Of course, if only that's what she wanted. Zandik just intended to convince her to do so, being fully determined to achieve the desired effect. Among all of his employees, he memorized cooperation with Marie as the most pleasant. Moreover, he could keep an eye on her constantly to avoid particularly embarrassing accidents involving her... This woman's reliability required appropriate supervision to shine fully.

“Promoting me, you say… For how long?” Although the woman turned it into a joke, she slowly moved towards the opposite side of the corridor, remaining very careful around the package received from her boss. Since Marie was cut from the same cloth as Zandik, she also didn't want to admit that she simply missed the infamous heretic's company. “Apart from formalities, I just wonder what it is. Naturally, I will prepare the report as soon as possible!”

The Harbinger watched as the woman took up her task. It was amusing to witness her curiosity and willingness to gain knowledge. In this particular case, he had a feeling that it would herald a real breakthrough in their united research.

“I'm counting on your expertise, Professor,” he added in Fontanian as she left, before the storm of woman's black curls disappeared from his sight. He expected very quick results from this long-awaited experiment.

══════⊹⊱≼≽⊰⊹══════

When Marie entered her study room in the lab, she put the package on the table and rubbed her hands together with excitement. Sumeru was the region with the best samples of poisons. What could be inside the parcel? Small colorful frogs for the production of poison darts, medicines and antidotes, rhizomes, roots, leaves, mushrooms, insects… The tropical jungle hid countless treasures and the fact that Il Dottore himself managed the trouble of obtaining raw materials was exceptionally valuable. Marie didn't know anyone who was more familiar with the local flora and fauna. She herself might not have even paid attention to some things during her on field delegations, but now she had the opportunity to learn something new directly from the mastermind himself. On top of that, he offered her another promotion. Wonderful. Low importance tasks weren't as fulfilling as experiencing the true science. After conversation with Zandik she felt extraordinary happiness that she had not expected to return these days. The way he referred to her as Professor scratched the right part of her brain a bit too pleasantly. She was more willing to try to forgive him for scaring her to death when he destroyed his segments out of nowhere. At the same time, was this really necessary to wait so long before handing her the new project?

The woman tied her hair back and put on protective clothing, quietly humming the first random melody that popped into her head. Then, she walked over the table and began unrolling the package. As soon as she saw its contents, she felt the wave of heat on her cheeks. This wasn't what she expected… She slipped the protective mask off her face in bewilderment, and then, with wide eyes, she began to look at the containers. The bottles indeed contained chemicals, but at first glance none of the substances had something to do with the poisonous flora of Sumeru. Those weren't even standard vials from Zandik's laboratory, but some colorful glass flasks decorated according to the Sumerian manner of design and sealed with appropriate labels. Marie sank heavily onto her stool and began carefully turning the bottles over in her fingers. Maybe… Dottore made a mistake or someone miraculously robbed him, replaced the original cargo and even managed to escape with his life? Sounds a bit too silly, but it was all just women's cosmetics. Nothing really valuable to the scientist.

Rose water, kohl, aker fassi and several niche perfume oils. What's more, at the bottom of the package there was an original Sumerian halva decorated with dried fruits.

Marie tried to maintain her denial, but instead of relief, she felt a pang in her heart. At this point her face felt as if she was on fire. If Zandik planned to give it to her right after he returned and her sulks prevented him from doing so… She felt so bad about herself. Willingly or not, she blinked her eyes a few times, as for a moment her vision became blurry. He had no reason to be so generous. Maybe it was a suggestion that he noticed her getting old slowly, or maybe she should just look for some specific, new purposes for simple household chemicals? Maybe the halva was poisoned or packed with elixirs he hadn't tested before? After all, Dottore always devoured it himself and he was reluctant to share it with anyone. Or maybe Marie was just overthinking at the moment and what Dottore really expected from her was terrifyingly simple. Was it that he wanted her to try those substances on herself, like she always used to do in her job? Zandik wished to see the effects of her work in the evening, which meant there was no time for typical scientific inspection… Marie had just enough time to do her makeup. It was exciting, moving and scary in its own way. It wasn't usual to get any prosaic, non-scientific gift from Zandik.

However, if this was the only requirement to restore the old order in the laboratory, Marie was willing to do it for both of them and touch the precious part of Sumeru that he brought to Snezhnaya for her. Soon the woman's green eyes got embraced by a beautiful dark frame. Her cheeks and lips got touched with the color of a pomegranate with a golden glow. She placed the sweet scent of honey, sandalwood and rose behind her ear. She cut the halva into pieces. For now she was almost ready to face him again. It was one of those white nights, when endless days asserted their domination over the lenghty times of darkness again.

[ingravinoveritas]

The fact that in that scene in the doctor who special Donna’s about to go off with the doctor in the end and her husband is like yeah most husbands would be jealous of their wife hanging out with men in a small space alone but then he looks at the doctor and is like nah not him. Like he knows the doctor wouldn’t be interested in Donna in that way and that she was completely safe from cheating on her husband. Shaun took one look at the doctor and was like I know what you are . He was NOT worried about Donna being alone with him

So, I did watch the 60th special today, which I originally wasn't planning to do, since I'm not much of a Whovian. But curiosity got the better of me, and once your ask came in, I figured why not give it a watch.

After sitting through the whole episode, I still have no idea what the hell actually happened, or what a Metacrisis is, or why they were all fighting evil anthropomorphized dryer lint...but I was still thoroughly entertained. Haha. And there were moments I liked (disability rep with Shirley Bingham whose character actually wasn't about her disability but just her as a badass person!), moments I didn't like, and moments that made me unexpectedly emotional (the mention of Wilf, which given Bernard's passing last year was incredibly poignant and left me in tears).

But what I was really living for with this episode was how unbelievably and incredibly gay it was, in absolutely the most phenomenal way possible. Again, I want to emphasize that I am a very casual DW viewer, so I can't speak to previous seasons or incarnations, but this certainly felt like the queerest Doctor Who ep I have ever seen. The awesome Yasmin Finney as Rose. Describing the Doctor as "male...and female...and neither...and more." Having legend and lesbian extraordinaire Miriam fucking Margolyes as the voice of the Meep.

And of course, the moment you mentioned...

What's really interesting to me about this is so much of the writing in this episode was pretty on the nose (thinking in particular of the scene about the Meep's pronouns, which was very well meaning but felt a bit heavy-handed in both the writing and some of the delivery). But I wouldn't say Russell T. Daddy was really going for nuance in a lot of what ended up on screen, which is why this moment stands out and is so interesting and hilarious. You can almost feel Russell abruptly stop short of saying what this is clearly meant to be saying, and leaving it as subtext instead of, well...text. And I've mentioned on my blog previously about seeing the Doctor and Donna's (as well as David and Catherine's) chemistry as very "exasperated straight woman and her chaotic bisexual BFF," so this really seemed to validate the hell out of that. Haha.

So yes, overall, I enjoyed "The Star Beast" much more than I ever expected to, and I'm definitely intrigued to see what the other specials will entail (especially "The Giggle," since NPH is in that one, and the queer quotient will no doubt be off the charts, at least if the production stills/BTS I remember seeing last year are any indication). It will certainly be interesting to see if we get more moments like the one above with Fourteen (Ten? Ten-Four?), so I suppose we'll find out soon...

[tabsters]

The Twelve Days of Zodiacs - Day 12

"On the twelfth day of Christmas, my Zodiacs gave to me, Twelve skaters skating, Eleven singers singing, Ten actors acting, Nine sledders sledding, Eight drinkers drinking, Seven bakers baking, Six ornaments, Five ugly sweaters, Four wrapped presents, Three snowmen, Two bread rolls, And a snowball fight under a tree."

aaaaaand that concludes my second ever SGZ X TZE crossover!!! this was really fun to write as well, and putting in a bunch of christmas tropes was very refreshing, compared to the stuff I normally like to write. i hope you enjoyed this 12 chapter fic!!!

it should be noted that this story is in a modern AU, aka an AU where no magic exists. everyone is just normal and untraumatized! the modern AU names for the characters are listed below:

SGZ! Aquarius: Odessa SGZ! Pisces: Cherise SGZ! Piscis Austrinus: Paris SGZ! Aquila: Aquilina SGZ! Lynx: Lennox (Len) SGZ! Lepus: Luka SGZ! Chamaeleon: Mae

tagging @mythicalmagical-monkeyman @hyperfixation-tangentopia @maiawhimsicalt @sweet-star-cookie

"Gotta warn you, though," Ciara said as she laced up her figure skates. "I'm garbage at skating. The last time I did it was in eighth grade, when I went on a family trip. Fell on the ice, then on my older cousin, then I cried."

"I'm sure you've improved in that time!" Cassie said as she wobbled on the ground, holding her hands out to keep her balance. "It's been three years."

"Yeah, but I haven't skated at all in that time." 

"Eh, fair point."

"Don't worry!" Cassie's friend, Ellie, piped up. Her curly brown hair bobbed around her head as she bounced around. "We'll be here to catch you if you fall, won't we, Leena?"

"Hmm? Oh, yeah." Leena, a small girl with a curtain of straight black hair, nodded. "Yeah, definitely." 

"Do you guys go skating a lot?" Ciara asked, finally trying to stand up by herself. She immediately almost lost her balance, and sat straight back down.

"Yeah, every year," Ellie said, grabbing onto one of Ciara's arms. Leena limply hung onto the other arm, and Ciara slowly rose. This time, she was able to stand, with their help. 

"Don't worry, it's much easier when you're actually on the ice!" Cassie grabbed Ciara's shoulders, and together, Ciara was escorted out of the locker room by a troupe of eighth graders. 

"Easy, easy...ooh, don't trip and fall!" Ellie squealed nervously as they slowly made their way towards the ice.

"You could crack your head open on the ice," Leena said, her voice low. "That would be really bad."

"No! Nobody's cracking their head open!" 

"Lots of blood. Lots of guts."

"Anyway!" Cassie laughed, and Ciara was reminded of the concept of the Freudian Trio, from AP Psychology. There were two people that each fell on an extreme, and one in the middle to balance them out. It seemed that Ellie was "anxious energy", Leena was "no energy", and Cassie was "calm energy". A very good combination when it came to friendship.

"Almost there...almost there!" All of them finally stepped onto the ice. "Woo! Success!"

Ciara then proceeded to almost slip and fall face-first on the ice, so maybe it wasn't quite a success. 

"Oh, jeez!" Ellie tightened her grip on Ciara, while Leena loosened hers. "Hey—Leena, come back here!" 

"You got it!" Leena shouted, skating away. Apparently, she had the most skating experience, as she was able to expertly spin in circles on the ice. She even did a little hop twirl move, which Ciara found very impressive.

Cassie skated forward to replace Leena. "Don't worry! Take it easy. Right foot, left foot...yeah, that's it! Just like that."

"This is gonna take a while," Ciara sighed.

-

Ciara did up being able to stand up by herself, albeit with the help of the rink railing. She inched her way forward, just putting one foot in front of the other. Cassie stayed by her side most of the time, and when she did skate off, one of the other girls went to replace her. 

However, she couldn't help but feel that she was intruding on something. Every time one of the girls traded out, Ciara felt that they looked enthusiastic to leave her behind. 

That's not true, She tried to tell herself as Leena stood at the end of the rink, waiting for her to catch up. Not true. They enjoy having your company, probably. They think you're cool, even if you can't skate. Probably.

Leena was staring at her, the majority of her face hidden behind her hair. Ciara was trying not to think about how Leena was probably judging her underneath all that hair. 

"Leena?" A voice asked, causing the middle schooler to look up suddenly. Ciara looked over as well. There were three women, all skating towards them. Cassie and Ellie were accompanying them as well. For the first time since Ciara saw her, Leena had a visible smile on her face. 

"Hi!" Leena said, quickly skating over to the tallest woman. She had dark curly hair, and was wearing dangly lightning bolt earrings. The woman standing next to them, one with dark skin and a pink dress, patted Leena's head. "How have you guys been?"

"Good, good," The tall woman said. "Cherise has been helping me with my prototypes for my next fashion show."

"And Paris has been helping her model them!" Cherise gestured to the final woman, who was small and had long, dark red hair. The woman waved up at all of them, blinking her lime green eyes. She had on a sparkly skating leotard that was adorned with various pink sequins. 

"This is Odessa and Cherise," Cassie said, waving to the two women standing on the right. "And Paris. Odessa's an old friend of Leena's mom, and Cherise is her wife."

"Her mother and I were in a band, back in the nineties!" Odessa chuckled, playing with one of her earrings. “Ah, those were the days!”

“Your work is so good!” Ellie said, admiring the leotard. It seemed to shine no matter what angle Ciara looked at it from. “How long did this take?”

“Ah, forty hours?” Odessa shrugged. “Give or take. One of the longer pieces I’ve worked on. I’m hoping to beat miss Aquilina over there."

All of them looked over to see a woman with bright yellow hair leaping on the ice. She was wearing a similar sparkly leotard, this one with blue and green sequins. Perhaps she opted to model her clothing herself. 

"Now, now," Cherise said, patting her wife's arm. "Just because Aquilina won last year's competition doesn't mean she'll win again this year."

"She better not." Odessa seethed. 

Paris tapped Cherise on the shoulder, signing something in ASL. Ciara could understand a bit of it—one of Mizumi's friends was deaf—and she thought it was something like 'we should go'. Cherise nodded in agreement, gently tugging at Odessa's arm.

"We should really get going," Cherise said, and Odessa seemed to snap out of whatever reverie she was in. "But it was lovely to see all of you!"

-

An hour later, Ciara was making a tiny bit of progress on her skating skills. At this point, she told the middle schoolers to go on without her, that she would be fine by herself. Cassie made a brief argument against it, but Ciara insisted.

Alright, let's try this again, she told herself as she slowly let go of the railing. Left, right, left, right...nope.

She fell on her butt, yet again. She sighed, wondering if straight up lying on the ice would be a better fate than this.

She then heard the distinct sound of someone laughing at her. 

They were three teenagers, two guys and one girl, probably freshmen. She hadn't seen them at her school—they probably went to the one across town. One of the boys was wearing an oversized hoodie, with what seemed like a cat print on the back. The other boy was wearing a fur-trimmed coat, with a checkerboard pink and purple pattern. The girl, who seemed to be their leader, was wearing a plain white sweater with various colorful paint-looking splotches.

They looked like idiots, in Ciara's humble opinion. And she would be damned if she let herself be made fun of by idiot freshmen. 

So it is with this thought that she grabbed at the railing once more and stood on her feet. She wobbled around some more, but finally managed to maintain her balance. The kids stopped laughing at her. Damn kids. 

Emboldened, she skated forward, slowly putting one foot in front of the other. 

Steady...steady...

Nope. She lost her balance by the fifth step, falling forward and reaching her hands out to block her fall. The two male teenagers keep laughing as they skated by her.

"Len, Luka," The girl scolded them as she passed Ciara. "Stop laughing." Her voice is dripping with insincerity, and it catapults Ciara straight back to middle school. "That's not nice."

"Yes, Mae," The two boys grumbled in perfect sync as they pass as well. 

"You good?" A new voice asked as they approach from behind. Ciara muttered some swears, her hands struggling to get purchase on the ice. The person skated in front of her, reaching out a hand, and Ciara distantly thought that this day will be responsible for giving her a heart attack.

"Hi, Kai." Ciara said as she took the hand offered to her. Kai's wearing the Charizard beanie that she got him when they were nine. The orange ears flopped around as Kai readjusted it. "What are you doing here?"

Kai shrugged, holding up his phone. "Pictures for photography class. Candid shots of passerby."

"Ah. Nice."

"Mhm."

They stare at each other for a little while more, Ciara trying to figure out topics of conversation. It had only been a couple days since she saw Kai at the coffee shop. Maybe the universe was playing games with her. Damn universe. 

"You kept my hat." Ciara pointed out, pointing at his hat. Kai looked up, touching his hand to the neon orange Charizard hat. 

"Yeah. I did." Kai pointed to Ciara's hat, smiling a little bit. "And you kept mine."

Ciara, bewildered, pulled her hat off her head. Had she wore the hat today? She just put on a random hat and ran out the door. 

"Huh," Ciara said, staring at the Pikachu hat. "I did."  

"Ciarachu's back," Kai laughed, ruffling Ciara's hair. "Remember, in fifth grade?"

"Yeah! And now..." Ciara stared at the Charizard hat, trying to come up with a way to mash Kai's name and Charizard's name together. "Kaizard's back as well!" 

Kai ruffled Ciara's hair, placing her hat back on her head for her. "You still don't know how to skate?"

"Eh, no."

"Well, c'mon." Kai held out his hands, shaking them a bit. "I'll help you, yeah?"

"I..." Ciara gently placed her hands in Kai's. "Yeah, okay."

"Great, great." Kai looked over his shoulder, making sure there was nobody behind him. "Alright, don't let go, okay?"

"What are you—"

And so Kai began to slowly skate backwards, holding onto Ciara all the way. Ciara found herself being tugged along slowly, more secure now that somebody was holding both her hands. 

"Yeah, just like that," Kai said as they both drifted along the rink. For a split second, it felt like they were the only ones in the skating rink, maybe even in the whole universe. "See? You're not so bad after all."

"That's just 'cause you're here to help me," Ciara laughed. It was true—every time she felt herself slipping or sliding, she held onto Kai's hands tighter. Kai then steadied her, shifting her back to a better position. 

"Nah, that's all you," Kai said, smiling down at her—when did he get so tall? 

"Hey, Ciara!" Ciara could distantly hear Cassie shouting as she skidded across the ice. "Oh! And your friend! You've been having fun by yourself, yeah?" 

Ciara could just hear the 'wink, wink, nudge, nudge' in Cassie's voice. Kai didn't seem to notice, though, and cheerfully waved at her. "Hi! You're Ciara's middle school friend, right?"

"Mhm!" Cassie nodded her head as Ellie and Leena skated up behind her. "And these are also my friends from middle school! Ellie and Leena, say hi!" 

"Hi!" Ellie said, while Leena just nodded her head in greeting. "Who's this?"

"I'm Ciara's friend from middle school," Kai said, shaking his bangs out of his eyes. He threw the girls a grin, and Ciara swore she could see Ellie swoon. "Name's Kai."

When did he get this cool? Ciara had to ask herself as Kai let go of one of her hands to smooth his hair back. 

"Are you...?" Leena asked, pointing in between Ciara and Kai. "Dating?"

Both of them looked down at their connected hands, seemingly now realizing that they were holding hands. Ciara quickly let go of her crush's hand, immediately almost toppling over. Kai spun around, grabbing Ciara's shoulders and keeping her upright. This ended up with Ciara awkwardly holding onto Kai's waist, and Kai awkwardly holding onto Ciara's shoulders. 

"Anyway!" Cassie said, skating in front of both of them. This gave the two of them a brief moment to recollect themselves, and untangle their limbs. Ciara thought she could hear Leena snickering. "We should take a picture, yeah? Everyone gather round!"

Leena and Ellie skated over to stand next to the two high schoolers—Ellie seemed very eager to stand next to Kai—and Cassie put herself in the front and the middle. 

"Sorry we left you behind," Cassie said as she fumbled to get her phone out. Ciara held her purse steady while Cassie finally fished the phone out.

"No problem." Ciara snuck a glance back at Kai. He was smiling, chatting with Leena about some RPG game. "I found a friend, so it worked out, yeah?"

Cassie nodded cheerfully, smiling up at all of them. She held the camera up, shifting it to get all of them in frame.

"Alright, guys!" She shouted, all of them looking towards the camera. "Say 'Merry Christmas'!" 

Ciara looked up at Kai, who grinned down at her. He nodded his head towards the camera, as if urging her to channel her inner Christmas spirit.

So she did. After all, she was surrounded by good people that cared about her. And wasn't that what Christmas was all about?

"Merry Christmas!"

check out @sweet-star-cookie's starglass zodiac lore if you liked this!! questions about my lore are greatly appreciated!!

happy 2025 everyone!!! wish you luck and prosperity and good mental health!!!

[lawluaficionado]

Pregnant Luffy + Distressed Law

Law was stressed most of the time, we can say it was the default setting. Having been dating Luffy for well more than a year is the cure for his depression, and the introduction to anxiety, massive panic attacks and mild high blood pressure.

When he'd met Luffy (again) two years ago, the younger had claimed "You had the yummy tattoos at the hospital!" Yes, claimed. He hadn't even responded when his brothers had already wrestled him to the ground saying he was a creep. THIS HAPPENED AT A COFFEE SHOP!

Two months later they were dating, so...he couldn't be all right up in the head either.

Now, at the age of 28, he's decided it's finally time to invite Luffy to move in with him. That's the plan at least.

Nothing, absolutely nothing goes according to plan with his boyfriend. NOTHING! Here he was making steak when his boyfriend barges through the front door, luggage in hand. "You got me pregnant! Now you hafta take all the responsibility!"

This is what Law meant with the panic attacks...

=-=-=-=-=-=

To be continued later...

=-=-=-=-=-=

So much for Law asking Luffy to move in. When he'd told Luffy about his botched plans, the shorter male had laughed and said "Silly Torao, don't you know by now those never work?"

Needless to say, it's now been two months since Luffy had moved into his house and things had gone from 'We still have time before the baby' to 'oh shit there's literally only three months left'. When Luffy had moved in, he was already four months along, and based from his latest doctor's appointment, their baby is on the smaller side. Which would explain why even at six months, he's much smaller than other pregnant people (on average).

"It's okay, he just takes after me then," Luffy's carefree laugh rang in the exam room.

It eased Law's nerves more than he would admit. "So I guess this means we don't have as much time as I thought to get everything together."

Luffy just waived him off. "We have to get a big party and tell people!" Luffy watched with a odd sparkle in his eyes as the jelly was wiped from his abdomen. "Can we stop for grape jellies at the store? And meat?"

Law instead made a detour into their local supercenter. He had a mental checklist of every single thing he researched on what newborns need. But first... He went straight to the paint section. "Want to choose the color of the nursery?" He smiles down at Luffy.

"Really!?" Luffy bounces around toward some really bright yellows and reds. "I like these! It can be like a sunrise and then we can paint clouds and birds and a pirate ship!" He let Luffy ramble on about the decoration. And from there Luffy started putting in more things into the shopping cart. A lot of carved wood decorations, which he swore he'd paint himself and place in the nursery.

They'd have to call in Ussop, no way was this nursery going to look decent with their art skills.

"Whatever you want Luffy, but we should really at least buy the crib."

"Ohh, I didn't tell you. Your dad, my dad and Gramps got everything already. They said it was going to be a surprise. But if they told me, they should have know it wasn't going to last long," he shurgs. "So we only need to decorate really." By Luffy's dad, he meant his birth father, Crocodile. Guy scared Law as much as Sabo irritated him. The only tolerable one was Ace, and that was pushing it.

Law relaxes a little, "Wait, so when you say they got everything, you mean all the crib stuff and rocking chair, and then the changing table and the stroller and-"

Luffy shuts him up, standing on his tippy toes to kiss him. "You worry too much."

"No, you worry too little," Law leans down, cradling his boyfriend's face between his hands.

"Our dad's were really happy to be grandparents. My Gramps is not as happy but he's gotten over it. They said it was a gift."

"Well, okay then, that makes me feel ten times better than this morning."

Once they are on their way home, Luffy has an epiphany. "Oh I forgot to mention! Your dad and my dad are going to stay with us the last month I'm pregnant. That was kinda the deal we made." He continues laughing as Law's eye begins to twitch.

[anidiotwithfanfiction]

"How is their company still going? Who knows. They had one brain cell and they lost it at the stock market."

- cofeewithaleks on tiktok

Bright florescents hum obnoxiously, the red velvet walls encasing are starting to feel stuffy.

Nervously, the redhead preens himself in the mirror behind.

Over the top extravagance crammed in every nook and cranny. Expensive marble statues, expensive leather chairs, expensive suits and ties.

It was like everything in the building needed to wear a price tag to get in.

And Pickles could not feel more out of place.

Stuffed into his thrifted tux, he played with cheap cuffs as the elevator went up.

He really didn't know how he landed this job. His resume was far from impressive. Fired from three jobs in the last four months, he applied to this one out of delusional hoping. He was nowhere near qualified. The job required and extensive background check, random drug tests, and 5 years of experience.

And he had a good one and a half at best. From a shit job he took back when he'd just graduated high school.

The elevator dings, and he spins around to face the front. His stomach swirling, he really needs this job...

The light is blinding, pouring through drawn crimson curtains. Windows from the floor to the ceiling, like a wall of glass, illuminate the figure hunched over at a large mahogany desk. He blinks hard, and steps into the room, suddenly feeling all eyes on him.

Nervously, he clears his throat.

"Uh, hi. 'M here for tha job."

Another figure emerges as green eyes adjust.

"Welcome, ah" the man moves beside the one sat, adjusting glasses as he peers down at a stack of papers "Pickles, is it?" He glances back up and it strikes the redhead that this isn't a rhetorical question.

"Yes- sir, uh- I'm s'posed to start my training today for-"

"Security, I'm well aware. It's a pleasure to be seeing you again"

And as the man steps forward, holding out a hand, it clicks just how familiar that voice is.

"Charles, right?" He asks, nervous to get it wrong.

"Yes, you may remember me from the interview." He retracts his hand. "You made quite the impression" he looks up, as Pickles pulls his hand back. God he hoped his it wasn't too sweaty.

There's a pause, the room quiets for a moment too long and green eyes drift to the left, the shadowy man beginning to form into something tangible.

"Ah, and this is Mr. Explosion, our CEO"

A freckled hand reaches out, as he stands in front of the desk now.

"Pleasure ta meet ya sir"

Shoulder length black strands part, as mossy green eyes greet his.

He glances at the outstretched hand, before awkwardly seizing it with a grip a bit too tight.

"I told you to call me Nathan" he looks over to Charles annoyed.

The man simply rolls his eyes.

Mr. Explosion turns back to Pickles, those intimidating eyes boring into his soul.

"Call me Nathan."

"Nat'an', got it" dry lips crack a smile.

This job might not be so bad.

"So you're like, my body gaurd?"

"Not yet" Charles interrupts "we still have to train him. But yes, Mr. Explosion, he will be your body guard."

Nathan does a once over of the poor ginger again, his eyes trailing a little too long for comfort.

"Metal"

Charles simply sighs, before adressing Pickles directly.

"If you'll follow me, I can begin to show you your on shift duties."

The rest of the day goes by uneventful. For the most part anyways. Following Charles around like a lost puppy was far from interesting. But there was a moment in the breakroom that felt odd to Pickles. Even now, as he lays in his shitty little bed, he keeps thinking about it.

Everything was fine, standard "I say jump, you say how high". Learning safety protocols, the itinerary, how Nathan likes his coffee.

Straight black. No sweeteners, no creams. Just a plain Jane coffee. And though Pickles could never sip on something so tasteless, he could respect it.

But it was as they were pouring a fresh cup he noticed Charles tense up.

And it was so fast, he wasn't even sure he saw it correctly. It was like pure instinct. The redhead heard some shuffling, a few beeps, and then a metallic clink.

By the time it clicked and he finally turned around it took a moment to process what he was looking at.

In part, due to the much-taller-than-he-thought CEO himself standing there beside the microwave. He hadn't really gotten a good look at him earlier, but the guy was easy on the eyes. He had sharp features, his eyes, mouth, nose. Like he was chiseled from marble.

But the most distracting feature was just how unserious he seemed.

Every other suit walking around this place carried themselves like they owned the joint. Practically shoving their wealth and entitlement down your throat in just the way they walked.

But here was the guy running the place, slouched over with piss poor posture, trying to heat up some Ramen in the microwave.

"Nathan" Charles cleared his throat, bringing the redhead back to earth. "What have I told you about putting metal in the microwave"

"To uh, not do it" he looked over at Charles confused, before looking back to the microwave. Swiftly the elder man moved forward, picking his pen from the floor and reaching into the appliance.

"Can you tell me why you put a fork in there just now?"

The raven haired man just stared. Like a laggy computer screen processing indefinitely.

Charles sighed, set the fork on the counter, and started his food up again. Metal free this time.

It was a stupid thing to fixate on, but it showed him a lot about the pair.

Like Charles, he came off as just another bureaucrat. But he was smart. Smart as hell. It was something he tried to downplay, but Pickles noticed it. Even in his little mannerisms, the way he tapped his pen against the paper instead of the clipboard. Or how he changed his style of speaking depending on who he was talking to. Proper and strict with the managers. Softer with the regular guys, the janitors, the cafeteria ladies, even him. He just spoke different.

And then there was Nathan.

He seemed to lean more into "Well meaning but exhausted father" when he spoke to him.

And Nathan was something else.

Quiet, for sure. He'd hardly spoken. He seemed to have a bit of a staring problem too. Those vibrant eyes boring into him whenever they found themselves in the same room.

And he was a total mystery.

Pickles had heard of him before, he did his research when applying. Kid's made it on the top 30 under 30 for the last three years. The details were a bit unclear, he didn't take many interviews. But from what Pickles could tell he had inheritaded the business from his grandfather, and somehow quadrupled profits in the first year.

He couldn't help but pull out his phone and type in a quick Google search. Because honestly, he just couldn't fathom how. Like the guy seemed cool, not one of those stuffy jack asses Pickles had had the displeasure of bumping into today. But he also seemed... aloof? In a way. Like sticking a fork in the microwave. He'd be lying if he said he'd never done it. But the way the guy looked at Charles, like fork and metal were two separate objects.

It just wasn't adding up.

And Google gave him nothing of substance. Just gossipy tabloids extensively covering his dating history. And it felt weird, but Pickles was a nosey guy. If he's gonna be spending every day glued to this guy's side he might as well get an idea of who he is.

Countless pictures of expensive dates, interviews of scorned lovers, tasteless speculation on the man's "prowess". He was starting to feel bad for the dude, these chick's were ruthless in their reviews.

But there was one that caught him off guard. No pictures, no proof, she choose to stay anonymous. But the way she spoke about him just felt too genuine to be faked.

"What was it like, dating the Nathan Explosion?"

"Well at first, a dream come true. He really is a sweet guy. More than generous, he even helped me pay off my student loans."

"Was that common for him? Using his wealth to make problems go away?"

"I don't know about that... he just. He didn't like to see people struggle. Not when he had the means to help."

"Well it must have been hard, dating someone like him"

"What exactly do you mean by that?"

"Well, someone of such high status. Someone so sought after."

"It was different for sure. He really is a romantic, despite the playboy persona he gives off. In real life, he's nothing like that at all."

"So then, why did things end?"

"He just... it didn't work."

"How so?"

"I don't want to speak ill of him, he truly is an incredible guy. We just... didn't click. We want different things in life and, well, honestly, things were just going too fast for me."

He rubbed his eyes, glancing at the time.

With a sigh, Pickles tossed his phone to the side. Pulling the scratchy comforter over his small frame.

He had a long day ahead of him.

"So uh, how long 've yew been runnin the place?"

"Couple years"

The red velvet of the elevator is beginning to feel like the interior of a coffin. Self contained and suffocating.

He knew he was expected to be around his new boss constantly. But he wasn't expecting the guy to be waiting at the door for him.

After an awkward exchanged they had shuffled into the quiet ride to the top.

"Yew grow up round here?"

"No"

His smile stretches thin.

"Yew don't talk much huh?"

Nathan break his short responses, turning to him.

"Depends on what we're talking about"

He looks so nonchalant, like there's not a thought behind those gorgeous eyes.

"What kinda stuff do ya like?"

The Ceo turns back towards the door, his shoulders raised as he contemplates the question.

"Chips, I guess. Fuckin love chips."

Sometimes Pickles thinks about bashing his skull in. The mirror in here would probably do the trick.

But before he can fully entertain the idea, the elevator door chimes, as they begin to part.

He's ready for the light this time, unwilling to be blinded by the massive windows view.

They step into the office, finally free of their awkward confinement.

"What about you?"

"Huh?" The question catches Pickles off gaurd.

"What do you, um, like?"

Theres an antsy fidget in the looming man's demeanor. Like a shy school girl introducing herself to the class.

It strikes something endearing in him.

"I dunno. 'M pretty kick ass on the drums."

"Yeah?" Nathan turns his head back, after pacing towards the curtains. He begins to tug one side closed with his eyes still locked on the red head.

"Yeah, I mean. Me an' my friends had this band back in highschool. Weren't nothing big, but we uh. Played a lot of parties, couple a' dive bars." His eyes cast down to freckled fingers clawing at themselves. He's rambling too much. "It was fun" he's too old to be reminiscing about high school.

"That's fucking metal"

It catches him by surprise. The room much dimmer than before as the CEO pulls the second curtain closed.

"Thanks? That was forever ago though-"

"How old are you?"

Wow this young man was brave.

"Twnety eight" There's no point in lying. He's pushing thirty working a menial job.

Nathan finally rests in his cushioned throne, rummaging through the drawers.

"You're older than me."

"Five years" he clicks his tongue, his piercings clinking against chipped teeth.

Nathan stops for a moment, dark eyes raising to meet his. The redhead felt his heart drop. Did he say something wrong?

"How the fuck do you know my age?" The CEO's voice deadpans, something terrifying in that flat tone. Those expressionless eyes.

His face grows bright red

"I was- shit" God this is embarrassing "it's just, like, yer in the news. I've seen it mentioned before" no way was he outright admitting he was fucking googling the guy.

The pair froze for a moment, either unmoving. Something tense in the air.

"Huh." Cold eyes calculating, prying him apart.

"That makes sense." He shrugs his shoulders, turning back to his desk.

Pickles could feel the air return to his chest. His heart still pounding. Christ that was nerve wracking.

This was a side he hadn't seen.

He's brought back to earth by the flick of a lighter.

He looks up, finding his new boss sparking up a joint.

"Wow"

Brilliant puffs of white pour from thick lips.

He turns to the new hire, holding it out.

"You smoke?"

His mind runs wild.

This is a joke right? Or like, some weird test designed to get his ass fired?

"I uh"

But what if it's not? What if he offends his cool ass boss's offer and is marked the lame ass square for the rest of his time here?

"I dunno bout that. Tha job listing mentioned yew guys drug test randomly."

Nathan pushes back in his chair, chuckling.

"Dude that's for like, meth and shit. Nobody gives a fuck if you smoke."

"I-" His face feels warm again "is this like a test?" He can't beat around the bush any longer. There's no way this guy is for real.

Nathan sits up, pulling himself towards the desk, a red button beneath his fingertip.

"Watch this" He's grinning as he presses down, the intercom clicking on.

"Hey Charles. Tell the new guy it's cool to smoke"

"Nathan."

He sounds so done with him.

"Don't be an asshole. Tell him it's cool."

"Tell me you aren't smoking right now. On the job."

"Quit being a square. Just tell him."

With a heavy sigh, Charles responds.

"While we do not test specifically for Marijuana, it is highly discouraged to engage in getting high at work."

Nathan laughs as he releases the button.

"Told you dude. We don't give a shit."

Pale hands outstretch again, passing the torch. It feels like he's in middle school again, the cool kids giggling as they hand him the bud.

He swallows hard, fingers brushing against rough digits.

"Fuck it" he pulls in deep, his lungs set ablaze.

"Fuck yeah" Nathan's eyes light up "Finally someone fucking cool."

[hsgwrld-archive]

-JUST FRIENDS. P.SH

-pairing : best friend!Sunghoon x gn!reader

Genre : fluff ,, angst (?)

-inspired : just friends - Virginia to Vegas!

-wc: 1036!

Warning : mention of smoking ,kinda drinking (?)

Sunghoon being asshole at some point.

-100.flw masterlist

Note - big thank you to @redm4ri for helping me !!!. This is first story from 100followers masterlist !! Anyways I hope everyone who reads it enjoy this 😸feedback is appreciated 🫶🏻

taglist : @wanna-live-yn-life | @ddenoudepression

——-

“Friends?” It was exactly 2 years ago that Sunghoon asked you to be his friend. It was the start of high school, you met him through a mutual friend

Now everything is changing slowly. You developed feelings for him but just as a friend right? It was hard to understand. He treated you more like a lover, less than a friend.

And you're telling me you wanna kiss me

But we shouldn't 'cause we're just friends

“Sunghoon we shouldn't," You lightly pushed his face away from you with your hand, his face getting red with every moment as he stared at you. Walking together home from practice, you never knew Sunghoon would wanna kiss you. But you both knew that shouldn't happen.

“Why not y/n, tell me why not“ groaning Sunghoon said, looking straight into your eyes.

“We are just friends right?”

“yea we are”

Smoke a cigarette and talk shit about exes,

Take a couple shots and see where the night ends.

Another weekend, there you were, standing beside Sunghoon with a cigarette between his fingers. It was a chilly night. At a party Heeseung hosted. It wasn't a party but more like a gathering.

You believe Sunghoon saw his ex, at this point, He knew she hated seeing him smoking so why not show her that he doesn't care anymore? The only thing Sunghoon wasn't aware of was your feelings. You hated seeing him like this and it hurts.

“Have you seen her?” you turned your whole body towards him while leaning on the balcony railing. You crunched your face in disgust when Sunghoon exhaled the last blunt. The smell was disgusting. Sunghoon turned his face toward you.

"Yes, I saw her, but I don't care anymore. I'm glad I broke up with her. The rumours about her lately are disturbing."

Sunghoon let out a small chuckle. He threw the cigarette away and fully turned towards you.

"And y/n, you should forget about Jake, I saw you staring at him“

The second most thing you hated about this gathering was Jake, your stupid ex. He made you so happy, but it didn't last long. But at least you have Sunghoon now.

“Let's forget about them both, let's go take some shots and let's see how the night will end”

Tomorrow when it's over and we're sober

I just want to believe that you'll miss me

That shouldn't have happened. The kiss shouldn't have happened in the first place. It was a huge mistake, right? Everything happened too fast, from getting drinks at the counter to sharing a kiss on the couch. For you, the whole night was blurry, but the moment you both shared was stuck in your head.

You were regretting everything that happened. The question was what Sunghoon was thinking at this moment. Was he upset about it? Or did he not want to see you anymore? Days go by. You didn't see Sunghoon at school, you wished he missed you as you miss him. He didn't even bother to call you or text. You would be happy if you get a small text saying 'I hope you're doing okay' but you can only wish for that.

Hoping Sunghoon hasn't turned his back on you at this moment, and that he still sees you as his best friend.

Days still go by. That is, you thought two years of friendship was gone.

Going home from school, you were almost there. You never thought of seeing him in front of your door. Wait what?

There he was standing, with flowers in hand. Wait? Flowers.

“What are you doing here?” you narrowed your eyes at him. Almost four days went without him talking to you, and now he is in front of your house, smiling at you.

“I wanted to see you, and I missed you“ he smiled, stepping closer to you, and embracing you in a hug. You feel your cheeks heating up. Maybe you liked him more as a friend, but he didn't see you that way, right?

Sunghoon explained he didn't reach out to you because his phone was broken, and had family business to attend to.

Stop pretending like we're just friends

It has been a week since he showed up in front of your house. Something has changed. He treats you differently? More like a lover than a friend? You were sure of it this time. Holding your hand, kissing your forehead when you both hang out in public. It was giving you a headache. Confusion, everything he said was confusing.

Once again he was at your house. For the usual movie marathon you both have.

That is, you thought, you needed to ask him. Pausing the movie, what was going on in the background, turning full attention towards Sunghoon, who was sitting beside you on the couch.

‘“Hoon, what are we?”

‘“we are good friends y/n”

Friends? It was the biggest bullshit you have ever heard from Sunghoon. But this made your heart shatter.

Just friends? His words were stuck in your head.

Friends don't treat each other like we do.

Friends don't kiss each other randomly.

“You're lying to yourself and to me Sunghoon" you exclaimed, your voice breaking. Tears escape your eyes, taking your head between your hands. It wasn't your first time crying in front of Sunghoon. Failing a grade or a boy rejecting you, it was always Sunghoon who comforted you about everything but this time it was different. You were crying because of him.

Sunghoon understands your feelings, it hurts him too, seeing you like this. He knew to him, you weren't just a friend but something more. He was scared to hurt you. You two were too opposite. Sunghoon was a so-called cold type and didn't care about grades or others' feelings but when it came to you, He wanted to be the better version just for you.

Sunghoon wished to be more than friends.

Seeing you crying broke his heart more than ever.

Moving closer to you, putting his hand on your back and rubbing it. A smile broke on his lips.

“Maybe I am lying to myself, and we should stop pretending that we are just friends“

[backupanddoitagain]

Independent Claws

Summary: You are lost in a cycle of avoidance caused by a painful past. Peter shepherds you towards a happier future.

Pairing: Peter Parker X Reader; written as mostly Fem!Reader

Warnings: Angst, Alcoholism (mention), Hurt/Comfort, Language, Mature situations, etc, etc Minors DNI

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Chapter One: Tense

Your skin appears orange under the glow of the street lamps as you chain the rusty bicycle to the fence railing and tread softly down the street. A mental image of black gloves, left sitting on a desk back home, taunts the only part of you uncovered. "Idiot," you mutter to yourself, looking down at your hands, balling them into fists. It isn't the weather for which the gloves are necessary, although your breath frosts in the night air. You need stealth. But at least the navy blue hoodie, t-shirt, and pants are dark so you keep on walking, head down, going over your plan in your mind. Going over it and over it as you had done ever since this afternoon when the devil of opportunity presented himself and then your stupid angel conscience sent by your late mother decided to make an appearance to even the score.

--------------------

You had been watching and crushing on Peter Parker since forever, and he often wore sweaters and hoodies back in high school, but over the last few years he seemed to grow warm so quickly and shed them as if he radiated thermal energy beyond what was normal. On the first day when he made eye contact, you'd given him a shy nod of recognition in the college class you shared, surprised he had even remembered the green-eyed classmate from long ago who hugged the walls and lockers always looking for a place to hide, to avoid interaction.

As the semester continued, you tried desperately to remain inconspicuous, unapproachable, but still watching him, wide eyed like a cat in the darkness under a bed. Peering up through your fingers while taking notes in class as he pulled a sweater over his head, watching his thick brown hair go awry and stand up as if he was touching a Van de Graaf Generator at the science museum. Yeah, it shocked you too because sometimes his t-shirt would ride up higher and made your own neck hairs stand up as straight as his hair. But the hoodies, Peter wore those hoodies the most often. They looked so soft, so touchable and when you heard the faint but crisp ziiiiip as he ran his hand down the front and shook his arms out of the sleeves it always made your head turn. Not too fast though. You had learned to be careful. Once, hearing the familiar sound you flicked your eyes up when he removed his navy blue hoodie, which happened to be your personal favorite hoodie, and caught his brown eyes staring straight at you. That was when you dropped your pen just so you could duck to the tile floor, missing his smirk and lifted eyebrow as he shrugged the hoodie over the back of his chair.

The disrobing, as you mentally termed it, became a regular habit and made worse by the quieter nature of the calculus course compared to the mayhem of high school. No class clowns making noise, no troublemakers. Just students watching the professor while taking notes, and you, despite the mental scolding you gave yourself, watching Peter. Any notes you took on him were seared to the back of your eyelids. You rarely spotted him outside of class, even though you had grown up not too far away from his street and you tried very hard not to see him outside of class anyway. What point was there to extend your martyrdom outside of the hour you spent within four walls? You were more than a little ashamed of yourself already. The devil on your shoulder often smiled and said just a little more time when you gazed at Peter's left ear and the brown hair that curled temptingly around it; but the angel on your right gave you that sad somber look that made it clear Peter Parker wasn't for the likes of you. Not when he had been in love with Gwen, who was an angel on earth and now an angel in heaven, and not now, with your feral attitude and your heart hardened against anyone who might try and lure you to comfort and safety. That was what that hoodie symbolized if you'd bothered to analyze it. Maybe you were aware of that in some remote way, but it was like the craft store heart-shaped cardboard box you had painted for your mother when you were a child. You kept those thoughts hidden away in a part of you that hurt too much to look at. Just like that paper scrap and photo filled box, the only thing you’d kept of your mom after she passed away. You couldn't touch either where you'd hidden them; you couldn't look at them, it kept everything remote and cold and manageable.

Perhaps, just perhaps, it was your mother sending an angel friend that placed the opportunity before you, although you scarcely believed in heaven, not anymore. Or maybe there was some cosmic electric charge that rearranged and short circuited Peter's brain so that he left the hoodie, the navy blue one, resting on the back of his chair when the class ended. You didn't notice at first, you were staring at the back of his head as he walked toward the door along with everyone else, while you were busy memorizing the muscles that ran across his shoulders. Shoulders and biceps that you just then realized you could see as his short t-shirt sleeves pulled tight across them. But most likely it was that wild devil that forced your eyes to cut to Peter's vacated chair and there was the hoodie, forgotten. A quick glance to the door of the classroom revealed he had disappeared.

Without a word, you snatched the hoodie to your chest and left quickly, searching around the building exit for Peter but with no sign of him, the choice was made with no regret. You scurried silently down the hallway and went straight into the restroom where you stuffed the hoodie into your backpack. Five minutes later you were on your bicycle pedaling home with a hoodie, a backpack, and a devil of a grin on your face.

--------------------

Home is where you should be right now, not in the shadows creeping down an alley by Peter Parker's house in an attempt to do the right thing. After sitting in your upstairs room while your dad was somewhere out drinking himself into a bitter and vengeful stupor, you had lost the battle with your conscience. Your dad's worldview had always been finders keep, losers weep. Even if he was never around any more now than he was when your mom got sick, somehow he hadn't been quite able to make his the world owes you something kid type of logic stick with you either, another disappointment that he never failed to point out.

No matter how you tried to justify it, no matter how much you wanted just some thing to hold, to wrap around you, never mind some one, you could not keep what was never yours. Stupid old hoodie you told yourself as you put your arms on your knees and breathed in the essence of Peter in the soft fabric. That scent almost broke you... almost. It felt like what home could be when there were warm hearts and hands that comfort each other. When tired eyes were allowed to close because there was no need for a wild-eyed wakefulness that danger downstairs had crossed the threshold drunk and delirious. That thought, the thought of a different disappointment, that the example of how to do the right thing had been forgotten was why you were tiptoeing past a run down garage to reach an old beat up car so that you could return Peter's hoodie. It may have been a stupid plan by someone who couldn't seem to muster the courage just to hand it to Peter the next time class met, but then again it was academic not emotional intelligence that was supposed to be your asset anyway. Your intelligence being the academic asset that was to get you a degree and take you far away from the warm memories and cold reality. Far away from watching what the one you could never have. At least that is what you told yourself as you stopped at Aunt May's car. You had only met her a few times, crossing paths at the store, picking up medicine for your mother. May had asked after her and your look of surprise at her knowledge didn't go unnoticed but her eyes were soft and kind, not unlike Peter's.

The lights were on in their house; maybe in the kitchen and an upstairs bedroom. You were confident from years of climbing up and down stairs silently in your own home that none of the neighbors had heard you in the alley, and perhaps that made you careless. The plan was to leave the hoodie in Aunt May's car, a place where anyone might forget a hoodie. Since the car was an older model it probably didn't have an alarm, at least you hoped it didn't. You also hoped it wasn't locked, but that hadn't occurred to you until just now. Too late. You stood there for a minute, just a minute; the brief thrill of having the coveted hoodie and its symbolic aura now fading as you pulled back the hood and tugged the zipper down, not thinking about the ziiiiip.

One last soothing stroke of the soft fabric and the hoodie was in your hand, ready to toss in the front seat. One tug on the driver's side handle and whew, it wasn't locked when...

"In the future, if you're going to steal cars, you really shouldn't dress like a car thief."

Out of the shadows stepped Spider-Man.

Shit. You are in trouble.

To be continued...

A/N: Please let me know if I left off any warnings you think would better serve readers.

[sunnyie-eve]

2 | Bring us closer

Series: Uttermost Lifestyle

Paring: Johnny Knoxville x Original female character

Word Count: 1.8k

Warnings: Mention of rape

| MASTERLIST |

~

This morning Caiden begged to go to work with me so I agreed to keep him off to the side. He was actually just excited to see a small film crew for a tv show.

"Great, Alex is here to watch me get sprayed by a skunk." Johnny smiles as I walk into the building.

"I don't have to join, right? I've been sprayed when I was younger and it was terrible." I look at the crew.

"Nope just watching." Jeff tells me and I'm thankful.

"When you aren't doing anything we wanna have you just watch some of us so we can get close to you. So you feel comfortable around us." Johnny walks over putting his arm around my shoulder.

"That's fine by me. And if I wanna try something anyone is doing, I can right?" I ask them.

"If you want to go for it." Jeff says as they get things set to go.

"Oh, I hope it's okay I brought Caiden today. He begged to come with me." I move over to him.

"I didn't know you have a little brother." Johnny smiles at him.

"He's not, he's my son." I wrap my arms around him but as soon as he sees Chris he takes off.

"I'm sorry for assuming." Johnny apologizes.

"Don't I get it all the time. I had him while in high school because of my ex. It's a long story." I didn't wanna just throw all my personal stuff at him when this is our second time meeting.

"I got time. That's if you wanna tell me." He takes a seat on desk behind him.

"We were at his older friend's party and he made me drink a lot. I wasn't all there and he took advantage of me." I lean against the wall.

"He raped you and got you pregnant." Johnny says not sugar coating it like I do.

"Yeah but I got my world out of it. It's just us two most of the time, along with Chris." I laugh adding him.

"I have a daughter whose four. My ex and I have good relationship so I can see her." He tells me.

"Kyle, Caiden's father, wanted nothing to do with him for six years. Suddenly he pops up on his birthday wanting to try but always gets Caiden's hopes up. Yesterday Caiden told me Kyle went to the school trying to take him out early. For school records he has no father information. When he was born the only dude by my side was Chris. Yeah, Kyle is on record as the father but I gave him my last name."

"Good, he's a piece of shit that doesn't deserve to be apart of Caiden's life. He has a wonderful mother." Johnny gives me a smile.

"You don't even know me." I laugh.

"Chris said a lot trying to get you this job." He laughs standing up straight.

"You still technically don't know me. Especially what kind of mother I am." I cross my arms.

"I don't need to know because I can see it and it's all in the eyes too." He points at them.

"Why you starring so deep into my eyes, man?" I make my eyes wide.

"You're supposed to keep eye contact when having a conversation with someone. Let's get going because I gotta skunk to meet." He grabs my arm pulling me with him.

"Are you coming Caiden or are you gonna stay with Chris?" He asks as we pass the two.

"Chris wanted to show me some things. Is that okay mom?" He asks me.

"I don't care. Chris behave." I point my finger at him.

"Okay, that means I get mama Alex today." Johnny says making me shake my head.

"Don't call me that." I make him laugh.

"You can call me daddy Johnny if you want." He jokes.

"I'll pass. Hi Ryan, Bam." I wave as they walk pass up to go inside.

"Hey, Alex." They wave back.

~

While Johnny talks to the skunk lady I try not to laugh at his face while she informs him about them. "I'm Johnny Knoxville and I'm about to get sprayed by a skunk."

"Hello. Hello, Mr, Skunk. Hi, Mr. Skunk. How are you? Come here, Skunk- AHH!" He gets sprayed and I laugh at me.

"Let him out." The lady tells him.

"Well, damn it, I'm trying to." He just keep get sprayed. "So that's 5 squirts. He's gotta be out after the next one, right?" He asks so we say yes.

When he was done he walks towards us so we back away. "What's wrong?" He laughs coming towards us.

"You smell." I jog backwards.

"We need to bond. Come here." He puts the cage down walking faster toward me.

"Don't you fucking dare!" I point at him as he starts to jog over to me.

"Johnny no!" I run away from him trying to put other crew members between us.

"Fine, fine." He stops walking away from me.

"So Alexandria, you've been sprayed before?" I'm asked.

"Yeah, when I was ten. My brother locked me in our shed with one. It was the worst thing in the world. Any time I see one or smell it I try to get as far away as I can." I laugh.

"Why did you come out today?"

"I walked into the building and Johnny volunteered me to watch." I notice it was too quiet around me then scream as arms are wrap around me and I get picked up.

"You fucking son of bitch!" I curse at him as he rubs he body all over me before letting me go.

I start to cough because all I could smell was skunk now and I couldn't breath clean air. "Fuck you!" I start to punch him.

"Ouch! You hit hard. Ouch!" He tenses up as I keep hitting him.

"Fuck you." I curse as we all get in the van.

"Now you need to take a bath in tomato juice to get that smell off." Johnny gets told.

"We have a problem." Jeff says.

"What?" I ask annoyed.

"We didn't get enough big cans for two people."

I turn my head slowly to look at Johnny and he laughs but puts his arms up as I pull mine back to punch him again.

For the bath situation Johnny was gonna use most of the tomato juice because he was actually sprayed while I was hugged by him.

"Gonna strip all the way down right in front of me?" I laugh as he gets undressed.

"It's gonna bring us closer." He gets fully nude. "I'll try to save you some." He runs to the bathroom.

As I sit outside, because I couldn't get the smell on anything, I hear the crew yell my name.

"Alexandria! Johnny's about to pour the last can on him so you won't have any!"

"Fuck it." I get undressed staying in my bra and underwear running to the bathroom. "What happened to I'll try to save some for you!" I startle him.

"I am..." He smiles lifting the last can to pour on himself.

"I will get in there with you fucker. I don't care if you're butt ass naked." I excuse myself passing the crew.

"How often do you see two people, one nude and one semi nude, take a tomato bath together?" Johnny asks the camera as I join him in the shower.

"Just pour that on my back because that's were you rubbing yourself all over." I snap my finger at him so he does then dumps it on my head like he did to himself.

"I'm just happy I'm not wearing a white bra." I stare down at myself.

"Rub it into my back?" Johnny turns around.

I look at the camera, "I didn't know this was something I sighed up for when Chris got me this damn job."

"Getting in a shower with a fully nude dude you just met yesterday?" Jeff laughs at me.

"No, rubbing in the tomato juice/sauce whatever for him." I message it into his body than I do myself.

He goes to turn on the water but he doesn't fix the temperature right away. "Ah, that's hot." He backs away from the water moving behind me.

"That's burning me! Why did you push me forward!" I punch him in the chest then fix the water to a warm temperature.

"We'll leave you guys to shower alone. We'll get some new clothes for y'all." The crew leaves us alone.

"Hi." Johnny gives a smile.

"I hate you but can you make sure my whole back is covered?" I put my back to him so he rubs in all around my back.

"I'm surprised you aren't uncomfortable in this situation with someone you barely know." He says still touching my back.

"People hook up with someone they met in a bar one random night, right? Our situation is just weirder." I look back at him.

"You make a good point. Plus you know you work with a cast full of guys so I'm sure your gonna see some dicks at some point. I also respect how respectful you are. Not once have you looked down even for a second." He laughs.

"You're supposed to keep eye contact when having a conversation with someone." I say what he told me earlier making him smile.

"Well this is one bonding experience for us." He changes the topic.

"This already made us super close."

When he was done he gets out putting a towel around his waist. "I'm gonna get fully undressed now because I got tomato in my bra." I let Johnny know.

"Don't worry, I'll be respectful too." He turns his back to me.

I quickly wash the rest of myself before turning off the water so he hands me a towel. "Thank you."

I get out and we both just look at each other. "Are they gonna bring us clothes?" I ask so he opens the door calling out for our clothes.

"Did something happen?" Jeff laughs handing us clothes.

"No, he got out and I took off the rest in the shower then got out." I take the clothes going to change first.

Back at the office Chris asked what happened to my original outfit. "Skunk ass hugged me and rubbed himself all over me so we had to take a shower together." I say as Caiden hangs onto my waist.

"Together?" Chris looks at us.

"I was fully in the nude, she was semi with her bra and underwear till I got out." Johnny adds.

"Well once she sees your dick you're automatically best friends." Chris motions between us.

"I'm elementary he was peeing outside during recess and I turned the corner and saw him." I explain to Johnny.

"And we became best friends that day." Chris kisses my cheek.

[simply-un-well]

school has been brutal, but finally got the chance to write some more !! intro to some of the team + heat exhaustion. requests are open, but i was thinking about doing a motion sickness one next ! or maybe an oc intro, who knows

-

A sharp whistle echoed around the field, drawing the attention of the players. It's boiling outside, but for some horrid reason, Coach has decided that today would be a perfect day to do stamina training. As the team starts to gather around, he explains the plan for today's practice.

"Okay, I know that it's still relatively early into this year, so we're going to start conditioning your bodies. This exercise will count as both endurance training and a bonding exercise with your teammates," he recites. "In this park, there's a five-mile trail-"

There's an outbreak of murmuring after that, five miles isn't too bad normally, but in this heat? Jason groans audibly before getting elbowed in the side by Blake. Glaring he gestures for Jason to shut up.

Coach claps to get their attention back on him. "Yes, I know it's hot out, but you're going to be playing in heat like this during some of your games. I'll be dividing all of you up into groups. You will introduce yourself to each other and run the trail together."

Jason sighs, tuning Coach out as he begins to read off the names of each group. Blake and him are the only two first years that he knows of so far. Running with upperclassmen just doesn't seem that fun, but at least they might not-

"Tucker, Ackers, Salem, Hakashis," Coach calls out. Jason glances to the side, meeting Blake's eyes and sighing exasperatedly. Of course, it's their luck to get out in the same group.

It takes them a minute to find who else is in their group, only figuring it out when one of the taller guys waves them over. He's the second tallest of the three people huddled together, with tan skin and brown hair. The other two have the same black hair and cream-coloured skin.

Nudging Blake, Jason frowns. "Wasn't only four last names called out?" His question earns him an eye roll before Blake pushes past, leaving him to catch up.

"I'm guessing you two are first years?" The guy who waved them over smiles at them. "Name's Tavin, most people on the team call me Tavi. I'm a fourth-year student."

Nudging the taller guy next to him, Tavi gestures for him to go next. The guy shakes his head amused before introducing himself. "Jesse, fourth year, technically captain. It's good to see some new people on the team."

Jason grimaces internally, it's just his luck to be placed with the one guy he's hated for most of his life, and two fourth years, where one of them happens to be the captain. Before either Blake or him can introduce themselves, the third person standing there cuts in.

"Ace Hakashi, they/them, third year, unfortunately, related to the captain." That makes a lot more sense as to why there were only four names called out.

"You're just annoyed that you have to listen to me," Jesse smirks before turning back to Jason and Blake. "What are your names?"

Jason glances at Blake before hesitantly speaking up. "Jason or Jay, either or works, first year." His face feels hot with embarrassment as he trails off shrugging slightly, unsure of what else to say.

"Blake, first year," his voice is careful, introduction straight to the point.

Tavi nods before smiling. "Have either of you run this trail before?" Two shakes of the head from both first years. He grins, "You'll love this trail. It's not super hard or anything!"

Jason can't help but feel a little eager, he's always been a pretty big runner. Same with Blake, the two of them constantly competing against each other for speed.

"-we're probably going to go at a bit of a slower speed to warm up in the beginning." Jason tunes back into what Jesse was saying. "If anyone in the group needs to slow down, take a water break, or anything, let everyone else know so that we can adjust accordingly." There's a few nods of acknowledgment before he seems satisfied.

Jason spends the next few minutes lost in thought as the third and fourth years talk amongst each other a bit. Occasionally Blake or him would chime in when prompted. Eventually, Coach calls their group over to start running.

They take off and it's smooth for a little bit. They're all sweating like crazy even before five minutes have passed. The sun is brutal, but thankfully most of the trail has little periodic bits of shade every five to ten feet.

All five of them end up settling into a formation of sorts. Jesse and Tavin are in the lead, as they're both accustomed to this sort of training. Ace is slightly behind them, but it seems willing like they just don't want to be running next to their brother. This leaves both Blake and Jason in the back of the group.

The two of them are engaged in a familiar silent competition of who can keep up the best. Their teammates, having more practice with these types of workouts, can hold a faster speed throughout. This leaves the two of them to try and keep up the best they can.

Sweat drips into Jason's eyes as he keeps running. Calves burning as they pass the two-mile marker. He's always had a rather low heat tolerance, so as much as he loves running, this is starting to feel like his own personal hell. Out of the corner of his eyes, he can see Blake starting to speed up a little, maintaining the gap behind Ace.

Jason glares at him before speeding up a little faster. From there a push and pull begins where every time one of them would speed up, the other would too. His mouth is dry, chest burning from exertion, but at the same time, Jason is far too stubborn to call it quits or ask for a break.

Blake glances over at him as they pass the four-mile mark. Slowing down a little, his face holds a weird expression. "Ace," he calls out. They turn their head slightly, indicating that they heard him. "Can we break?"

Jason snorts quietly. "Are you really that tired already?" It feels like a small victory to have Blake ask for a rest of some sort despite the blistering heat being a pretty valid reason.

Blake rolls his eyes in response but doesn't engage verbally. Everyone in the group slows down to a stop, ducking into the shade. Jesse looks slightly concerned, eyes lingering over each person in the group.

"Is everything alright?" He frowns worriedly, shoving Tavin when he starts making mom jokes at him.

Blake nods. "Just a bit hot. Needed a few minutes."

Taking advantage of the break, Jason leans his back against the tree that all five of them are under. It is hot. The ground practically looks like it's swimming from the heat. Wiping his sweat off his face with his shirt, he closes his eyes trying to imagine that it's cooler out than this.

It feels like it's all too soon before the break is over, Jesse and Tavin start to move out from under the tree, followed closely by Blake. Jason opens his eyes before pausing, the world spinning underneath him. It's disorienting and he blinks rapidly to try and get rid of the feeling.

He feels exhausted all of a sudden, leaning more heavily against the tree. Ace glances over at him before freezing, looking over him more closely. "Hey, Jason, are you okay?" The question brings the attention of the other three to how he's slumped against the tree.

Jason only manages to lift his head, vision swirling, before doubling over his knees gagging. Vomit splatters the grass in front of his running shoes. Tavi stands there a bit shocked by what just happened.

Quick to move, Ace is there to support Jason right before his knees give on the next retch. Vomit splashes into the growing puddle. There's a choked gurgling noise before he opens his mouth, sick pouring from it like a faucet, too out of it to properly heave.

Jesse checks his pulse before frowning. "It's too fast. Probably heat exhaustion." Moving his arms to help support Jason a bit better, he pauses for a second. "Tav, Ace, finish the run and let Coach know what's going on. We're not going to be able to carry him back. Ace, stay with Coach. Tav, get cold water then come back."

Both of them are quick to nod before dashing off at a faster pace than before. Blake hovers around, unsure of what to do before hesitantly crouching down where they are.

Jesse keeps a hand firmly pressed on Jason's back, a grounding presence that he appreciates. The world is spinning off-kilter and he just feels bad. "Blake, you feeling okay?" Jesse asks cautiously, unsure if he should have sent him back too.

He receives a brief nod of confirmation. "I'm fine. Jason has a worse tolerance to heat."

As if he heard his name, Jason glances over. There's vomit clinging to his lips and his eyes are unfocused. He squints before jerking slightly. Jesse is quick to push him forward between his knees just in time for him to add to the puddle in front of him.

"M'gonna pass out," he slurs and it's the only warning they get before Jason slumps to the side, falling into Blake.

A few minutes pass by in silence, Jesse rubbing circles onto Jason's back as Blake lets him lean on him despite their rivalry. It feels like forever before Tavin returns. He's panting heavily from sprinting there and back, cold water in hand. Passing it to Jesse, he frowns at the way Jason's limp against Blake.

"Passed out," Jesse explains briefly as he presses the cold water bottle to Jason's neck, passing it to Blake so that he can hold the bottle in place while he gets the update.

Tavin nods worriedly. "Ace should be here with Coach in a few minutes. We just need to keep him alive until then." Looking over the two youngest members of their team sat together under the shade of the tree. Blake who has a weird mix of annoyance and worry on his face, Tavin smirks. "Shouldn't be too hard."

Looking over, Jesse pauses. "Yeah, shouldn't be too hard."

[tomcat-radio]

Some disjointed thoughts on the bathroom scene/needle in the hay scene from The Royal Tenenbaums (2001)

ok first up, major tw for suicide/suicide attempt, and spoiler for The Royal Tenenbaums (do I need to spoiler warning for a movie from 20+ years ago, I don't know). If you haven't seen the Royal Tenenbaums go watch it and come back to this, hell, watch it twice if you want.

I geniunely believe the bathroom scene from The Royal Tenenbaums is one of the most interesting and important scenes in Wes Anderson's entire portfolio. It might seem insigificant if you watch his movies from oldest to newest, but if you go backwards you might notice some stuff. A lot of the darker moments of his films are still coated in a layer of whimsy and a lot of his typical aestheticism, especially in his newer stuff. Not that that's a criticism at all. But when you look at the bathroom scene it has this unique rawness to it that I've never really seen anywhere else in all his movies. It feels like all of the layers that his characters tend to sheild their emotions with have suddenly and viscerally been ripped away. And the visuals of this scene contribute to it too, it's two things not often seen in Wes Anderson movies: very saturated and somewhat dark/has dimmer lighting. The bathroom feels so out of place in a way that really makes you sit up and go "oh shit, something's happening", the music too, not only does the song choice never fail to make me sob, but the way it stays quiet as Richie stares into the camera and cuts his hair off, and at the final moment of tentsion as his life flashes infront of his eyes the background music slowly grows louder, climaxing as he bleeds onto the tiles before finally stopping abruptly.

The scene itself is truly one of the best scenes Wes Anderson has under his belt too, despite bringing me closer to tears every single time I happen to watch it. Something that'll always stick in my mind is the exact moment Richie Tenenbaum takes off his glasses, the first time in almost the whole film where we properly see his eyes. Richie is a character that has been hiding, both literally seperating himself on humanity by living on a boat for the last four years before the beginning of the film, but also mentally. He's clearly bottling up all his emotions and problems throughout the film (symbolised by the sunglasses, long hair, beard, even margot's line "stand up straight, let me get a look at you") until he cracks under the weight of them and we get, well, the bathroom scene. Seeing his eyes not only, as the saying goes, gives us a window into his soul, but also truly communicates the amount of pain he's in. Pain that's beyond margot, beyond Royal's betrayal of him, and deep within himself.

Richie never finishes shaving, and in my opinion it's a nod to the fact that he himself as a person is unfinished, unresolved, incomplete. Even his plans lay incomplete with the death that would have met him if he wasn't found by Dudley. His only line in the scene is simply "I'm going to kill myself tomorrow" unfinished because well, he tries to that day. Richie to me is one of the most interesting characters in the movie, if not the most. I didn't think that on my first watch-through, but as I watched the movie again and again it quickly became my opinion. He's someone who unlike Chas and Margot is holding onto an idealised version of his childhood, still mentally stuck there and unwilling to believe Royal as a bad person because of the blurred vision of him that he saw as a kid. His concept of human connection is as equally broken as Margots but instead of filling the empty abyss left by it with unpassionate affairs such as her, he cuts himself off from society, and once he's ripped away from and pulled back into the very family he always thought of as a perfect world he breaks just a little more.

I find his relationship with Margot very interesting too, as I don't belive it's simply a case of "these two flawed people are doing something socially unacceptable because they're flawed". Infact, from Richie's point of view I don't even believe it's romantic. Margot and Richie clearly became codependent on eachother from a very young age due to the childhood they were put through by Royal and to a lesser extent Etheline, and as they grew into emotionally broken people with twisted ideas of love and connection they mistook their relationship for romantic love instead of a platonic relationshop, because that's the only way they know to express a close platonic relationship. Being reuinited with Margot is the only thing keeping Richie together throughout the film and when he learns of all her infidelity he unravels immediately something that was hinted at, began to slip through when Richie puts his hand through the bird cage after Raleigh shares with him his suspicions of margot cheating, he's lost his last coping mechanism in other words.

And so we return again to the bathroom scene, hopefully this helped whoever may be reading it appreciate such a tragic scene a little more, or maybe it just made it sadder, I'm not sure. Stay safe out there and remember that help is always available and things will get better.

[elcorhamletlive]

Yeah sorry for asking byl3r questions again and filling your page, but yeah I agree. I think one of the things that makes me not vibe with Byl3rs' thoughts is that, they say Mike has been leading El on since S2 or at least since S3, and that he never actually loved El romantically, he's just been with her to hide his sexuality and be 'Normal' and he continued to be with her because that's what she wanted. They're saying it would make sense because 'gay people go through this all the time in real life so it is realistic', but i think they do not get the narrative. El is like you said, the show's protagonist. Having one of the hero guys (Mike) lie to her for 3 seasons straight about loving her and lying to her for basically years would just take a lot of time to wrap up and it just messes up the characters. It simply makes no sense. Especially when they made El get strength from Mike's words.

And thats where a lot of Bylrs logic falls IMHO because they have to come up with contrived narrative reasons and bend the story to make bylr make sense within the show. Because as it stands, bylr makes no sense. So for that reason, they have to come up with contrived reasons or not-likely-to-happen scenarios. It's laughable to expect that Mike will say he's never loved El romantically and he's been lying to her and lied in his monologue. That's just not what you do as writers to the show's protagonist... and it makes no sense for the characters either.

They also use 'Mike and El will move on from each other during the time skip' argument but by that logic, it makes more sense for Will to move on from Mike in that time and find another love interest. Actually it's like a perfect narrative setup, but ofc they don't entertain that idea bc for them 'it's bylr or not'. They do actually lack any real engagement with the canon source of the show too IMHO because their wish fulling thinking prevents them from coming up with fitting expectations. And at that point one might ask, why should bylr even happen if it is happening in the show's last season at the last second?

Yeah, pretty much. The thing about the "realism" argument is that it doesn't hold true in a manufactured narrative. In real life, yes, it's totally possible that a young boy could behave exactly like Mike does towards El for four seasons and still be gay, because you never really know what is going on in someone else's head. But in fiction, character arcs need to be shown to the audience. Even if Mike himself wasn't able to admit to his sexuality yet, the viewers, at large, should be able to tell the storyline is taking place - like they can with Will.

Re: the time skip, I think B*lers assume everyone else is as immediately willing to have Mike and El break up as they are. Now, I'm not a M1leven shipper, and I don't think the audience would, like, quit the show en masse if they broke up, but it would confuse a lot of people. I think most viewers would be left wondering why so much time was spent in the relationship in the first place, if they were never meant to last.