#and for me that's way more of a normal people thing than anything else

[romantic-misty]

about this kind of posts... I finally have to say smth because I'm annoyed both ways:

(sorry OP, I don't wanna offend you - I wanna offend some sort of ppl)

you shouldn't tell people your (actually human's) basic needs, if you need to beg for bare minimum it's not your fault they don't show effort nor even ask anything because it doesn't cross their mind to do simplest things somehow, they're just egoistic non caring assholes and you repeating yourself won't help much

some ppl can't truly guess some stuff which means they also can not question you on the matter they have no idea about so sure! speak your mind - tell 'em what you like and hopefully they will understand and remember - nobody is a telepath and you should inform others about your thoughts from time to time instead of forcing them to always jump around you or else "they don't give a fuck about you" or smth as it's probably untrue

just because EVERYONE doesn't mean you also have to be like this - if someone is manipulating/forcing you to do things you don't wanna because it's "normal" - believe me, it's not and even if - you have a right to be "weird" so different

not everyone has to say YES forever to something, people have moods and change their mind, remember to explain or at least tell someone you aren't in the mood or changed your mind but also don't forget asking each other if someone is into smth at the current moment unless otherwise specified like "you always can hug me unless I tell you to stop" and such, mistakes and accidental crossing boundaries happen but most important thing are good intention and a lot of discussing, don't break someone's trust constantly proving it wasn't a one time thing

if you weren't assertive enough and someone took advantage of you - don't blame yourself for not saying NO (especially if they were constantly making you feel unsafe to actually stop them or brainwashed you into thinking you want this etc.) - they should check if you're fine with smth and not use the fact you froze and was unsure or didn't have time to set certain boundaries, topis should also continue after certain actions and you can go back to it anytime! no matter what others say - it's never too much for the right person <3

you doing something you hate or what even traumatises you to meet someone's needs because it's compromise... no, it's not - if you're not enough for someone doesn't mean smth is wrong with you - it's probably not a match and that is ok! you will be loved elsewhere by being yourself, if someone cares more about their needs than hurting you with them then they're not a good person (yes, it's mostly about sexual needs) - and no, cheating isn't a proof you didn't give them enough, they can always leave but they're cowards and want to have both :)

if you sh or have depression - don't assume no one gives a shit about you just because they don't question you when you say "I'm fine" - harsh truth - even tho I totally understand why you say that phrase still nobody has to do anything besides accepting it - they might feel like you don't wanna talk about it as it's either personal or you don't trust them enough and maybe just prefer to take your mind out of this as topic is triggering so they won't risk making you feel even worse, say the truth or tell them why you don't wanna talk about certain things because lying to people might make them truly believe you, they have their own issues too they can be occupied with, they can be simply tired and even feel hurt that you don't want to open up to them or show their respect in this way and let you have space - you don't know what's in their mind so if you assume smth about them then think how they feel when you decide to hide the truth from them - as I said, you still have reasons and maybe right to but it doesn't make them immediately evil for not doing more/what you want without you actually TELLING them, I know it's hard and scary and some don't even deserve to know but there are those who truly love you and will understand and will help/support you - you're not a burden! I am aware you don't wanna worry anyone but you can as it's part of being a friend/partner/family and if someone acts like an ass towards you by calling you an attention seeker - they are the problem, not you

silent treatment is manipulation and if you try to show you being offended by that instead of trying to talk things through first you are not good, sorry not sorry

balance is everything but ppl don't wanna meet half way EVER so...

your needs motherfucker do you speak them

[fairqves]

꒰ NEVER A BURDEN ! ۟ ׅ ͡ ୨ৎ

(🐰) ──𝓟ARK JISUNG﹙ 지성 ﹚ ꒰ 𝓰. oneshot ៸ fluff ៸ friends to ?? ୨୧ㅤㅤ WARNiNGS : not proofread ៸ fight ៸ petnames ៸ mean girls ❞ bsf! 𝒿isung x 𝑓! reader ˖ ݁𖥔 ݁˖ ꒰ WC : 1.5K ꒱ SYPNOSiS 𐙚 in which you, a bubbly chatterbox, and your quiet, shy and reserved crush face a misunderstanding that forces both your feelings to the surface, leading to you avoid jisung like the plague .ᐟ HEAVILY INSPIRED BY WIFTY ── LiBRARY

THE CLASSROOM WAS ALIVE WITH ITS TYPICAL CHAOS AS PER USUAL.

the rustling of papers, the whispers of conversations exchanged between friends, and the occasional snickers of laughter.

you thrived in moments like this, pushing through the crowded rows of desks with a beaming smile and a seemingly endless stream of stories to tell.

and, of course, there was park jisung.

quiet, reserved, and hunched over his studying notes, jisung sat at his usual seat by the window, his expression looking more tired and stressed than usual.

you didn’t know what had exactly drawn you to him initially—maybe it was his quiet presence, the calm that had always seemed to follow him wherever he went. ── 𝖱𝖤𝖲𝖳 𝖡𝖤𝖫𝖮𝖶!

or maybe it was the way he always listened, even when you talked a mile a minute about the most random things.

you weren’t oblivious to what people said about you and jisung—the whispers that followed you down the hallways, the teasing smiles from classmates when they saw you together.

everyone thought you were too much for him, like a bright flame paired with an unmovable stone. but you didn’t care.

at least, you didn’t think you did.

today was no different—at least, it hadn’t started that way. you perched on the edge of jisung’s desk, chattering away as he scribbled in his notebook.

he didn’t say much, just an occasional hum of acknowledgment or a slight nod of his head. but to you, that was enough.

“ji, get this,” you began, leaning closer to him as your hands slapped the table dramatically. “i was walking home yesterday, and this dog—this huge scary dog—came out of nowhere and—”

“y/n,” jisung interrupted, his voice sharp and dismissive.

you froze mid-sentence, blinking at him in surprise.

he sighed, not looking up from his notes. “can you please do me a favour and shut up for a second?”

the silence hung thick in the air.

you blinked again, the smile fading from your face as the classroom noise around you suddenly felt deafening.

“oh,” you mumbled, quickly stepping back from his desk. “okay.”

you turned around before he could say anything else, slipping back into your seat and pulling out your notebook in front of you.

your heart felt heavy, the sting of his words settling deep inside your chest.

behind you, the whispers started almost immediately.

“oh my god.. did you hear that?”

“i mean, he’s not wrong. she’s so loud.”

“doesn’t she know he doesn’t even like her?”

“she’s been following him around for months. it’s so obvious.”

you bit your lip, keeping your head down as their words echoed in your ears. normally, you’d brush it off, but today—today it felt like they were right about you all along.

the rest of the day passed in a blur—you avoided jisung as much as possible, slipping out of the classroom as soon as the bell rang and keeping a notable distance whenever you passed him in the hall.

by the time the final bell rang, signaling the end of the day, you were exhausted—emotionally and physically.

you stood by your locker, pretending to reorganize your books as you watched jisung leave the classroom.

normally, you’d catch up with him and walk to the bus stop together, but today, you let him walk ahead.

at the bus stop, your absence didn’t go unnoticed.

“where’s y/n?” jaemin asked, leaning lazily against the bench. jisung shrugged, his hands stuffed into his pockets as he slightly smiled picturing you running after him just to sit on the bus with him. “i don’t know.”

“you don’t know?” chenle repeated, his tone confused. “you always know. did she get in trouble or something?”

jisung shook his head, though his jaw tightened slightly as he remembered what he said to you a few hours ago. “no..why?”

renjun raised an eyebrow, crossing his arms over his chest. “because she’s not here. and the last time i checked, she would rather die than miss a bus ride with you.”

jisung didn’t respond. instead, he stared at the concrete, his hands fidgeting slightly as the bus pulled up.

he didn’t know how to explain the sudden ache in his chest, the uncomfortable emptiness that came with your absence.

when he boarded the bus and saw you sitting in a seat near the front—alone, it hit him all over again.

you didn’t even glance his way as he walked past, sliding into a seat a few rows behind you.

normally, you’d save the seat beside you for him, grinning and waving him over like he was the most important person in the world.

but today, there was only silence.

the bus ride was quiet, other than the occasional whispers of other passengers. jisung spent the entire time staring at the back of your head, his thoughts racing.

he wanted to say something, to apologize, but he quite literally didn’t know how—the words were stuck in his throat.

when the bus finally reached your stop, you got up without looking back, walking silently toward the door.

jisung followed, trailing a few steps behind as you both began the familiar walk home. normally, you’d fill the air with stories and your laughter, your voice the soundtrack to his otherwise quiet life.

but now, there was only the sound of your footsteps, each one heavier than the last.

finally, jisung couldn’t take it anymore.

“y/n,” he said softly, his voice barely audible over the crunch of gravel beneath your feet.

you stopped walking but didn’t turn around. “what?” his heart sank at the coldness in your tone. “are you… mad at me?”

you laughed bitterly, the sound hollow. “mad? no, jisung. i’m not mad.” you turned to face him, and his breath caught in his throat at the sight of your glassy, tear-filled eyes. “i’m hurt.”

the guilt hit him like a slap.

“you told me to shut up,” you continued, your voice trembling. “do you know how much that hurt? and do you know what people say about me? they say you don’t even like me. that i’m just some annoying girl who follows you around. and today, it felt like they were right. like i really am just a burden to you.”

“no,” jisung said immediately, his voice firm and filled with held-back emotion. “that’s not true, y/n. none of that is true.”

“then why did you say it?” you asked, tears rolling down your cheeks now. “why did you tell me to shut up if you don’t think i’m annoying?”

“i was stressed,” he admitted, his shoulders slumping. “i’ve been studying so much, and i wasn’t thinking. i was stupid, and i took it out on you. but y/n…” he stepped closer, his hands trembling slightly as he reached out to touch your shoulder.

“i promise you—you’re not a burden. you’re never a burden. you’re the best part of my day.”

your breath hitched, your heart fluttering at his words.

“i mean it,” he said, his voice filled with vulnerability. “i don’t care what anyone else says. i care about you. you make everything better, even when i’m too stupid to see it.”

before you could respond, jisung pulled you into his arms, holding you tightly against his chest.

his embrace was hesitant at first, like he wasn’t sure if you’d let him, but when you didn’t pull away, he held you tighter.

“i’m sorry,” he whispered, his voice muffled against your hair. “i’m so, so sorry. please don’t avoid me anymore.”

you let out a shaky breath, your hands clutching the fabric of his shirt as you buried your face in his chest. “i just thought…” you trailed off, your voice quiet.

“you don’t have to think anything,” he mumbled, pulling back just enough to look at you. his hands cupped your face, his thumbs gently wiping away your tears.

“just know that i’m here, and i care about you. okay?” you nodded, your cheeks heating under his soft gaze.

the walk home felt different this time. jisung held your hand the entire way, his grip warm and reassuring.

you felt shy now, hyper-aware of every little movement, and every little glance. the air between you was quieter than usual, but it wasn’t uncomfortable—it was gentle and comforting.

when you reached your door, you turned to thank him, but before you could say anything, jisung hesitated.

the tip of his ears were a bright red, and before you could process what was happening, he gently spun you around and pressed a quick kiss to your forehead.

your eyes widened, your heart skipping a beat as you stared at him. his cheeks were undeniably pink now, and he stepped back, avoiding your gaze.

“i—i’ll see you tomorrow,” he mumbled, quickly turning and walking away in the direction of his house.

you stood there for a moment, stunned, before a small grin tugged at the corner of your lips.

maybe jisung wasn’t great with emotions—his words and actions, but in that moment, he’d said everything you needed to hear.

© FAIRQVES 2025 do not repost, plagiarize, or translate.

NOTE. ohmgee guys i pulled jaemin in my dreamscape album !!! anyways jisung is so zhang lurang coded u cannot convince me otherwise. also jaemin is so duan jiaxu coded too… my brain is braining rn 😇

୨୧ TAGLIST OPEN ‹𝟹 @mioons @nshmuras @suneng @pnghoon @shawnyle @laylasbunbunny @privareum @briefsaladfun @cyjzzl @sol3chu @txtlyn @d-dilemma @deezbin @iluvnikism @rikibwn @wonsprincess @niawonn @pockyyasii @kiss4noo @nineooooo @loves0ft @ancnymcnzjy @dazzlingjaeyun : COMMENT OR SEND AN ASK TBA.

[dyingstarsatdusk]

I've been wondering this for a while but

(and yes, I'm not considering the actual normal characters such as xie lian's mom and dad or anyone else. That just wouldn't be fun)

[toddtakefive]

thinking about todd and his resolve toward… not quite isolation, but being alone in a room full of people again. he goes along to the study room to sit on his own and do his homework, he sits at the poets table and follows along with what’s being said while keeping quiet, he goes to the meetings at all but doesn’t necessarily contribute (in fact, if you watch him when cameron is telling the story ‘from camp in sixth grade’, you can see that he recognizes it before any of the other poets but doesn’t voice it until they all have). he’s not alone, necessarily, if you want to get technical about it, he’s just lonely, and he’s generally okay with that. he doesn’t have friends and that’s fine, he doesn’t participate in class and that’s fine, he doesn’t have a relationship with his family and that’s fine—he could live without any real connection and he’d have been, more or less, fine.

the thing about when he says “i can take care of myself just fine!” is that he isn’t really wrong, you can infer that he’s been doing it his entire life anyway, it’s that ‘taking care of yourself’ isn’t the same thing as really living or being happy. todd’s an introvert, certainly, and even as he gets closer to the group he defaults to sitting quietly in the background, but he’s also denying himself community out of fear not introversion. todd isn’t friendless because he’s an introvert, although that definitely plays a part, he’s friendless because he pushes anyone that might want his company away. if anyone has every wanted for his attention in the first place. (neil’s unwavering interest in him is unique (even when it comes to the rest of the poets, who are fine with todd coming along and joining the group, but aren’t really hellbent on him being there in the beginning) and his refusal to accept it is a direct result of being so lonely growing up.)

there’s obviously something to be said about the implications of his parents neglect, and the more than likely fact that he grew up friendless, and how those both play a part in in him being so skilled at dodging social interaction/being so avoidant of it, but by the time we see him in the movie he’s all but accepted his fate as being alone his entire life. he’s already accepted being the family disappointment, and he’s already accepted he’ll never amount to anything, and he obviously doesn’t like it, but he’d have managed living with that knowledge without the confirmation that it was all wrong. would he have been miserable? almost certainly. but he’d have managed. he’d done it for that long already, anyhow.

[sophieinwonderland]

Here's a fun thread from the comments!

This is what we call the "I know you are, but what am I." It's a popular argument among 6-year-olds. The thing about this is that it's ultimately just vague feelings with no actual facts behind them.

You are going to notice these same themes a lot with @ilovexreaderfanfics' replies. A vague sense of "Democrats are the ones who ACTUALLY do this, not us" without any specific examples.

See what I mean!

Before going further, let me stop to cite my own sources.

Donald Trump seems to perform best with people who either never went to college, or went to college and dropped out before graduating.

The more educated someone is, the more likely they are to vote Democrat. This has been behind Republicans seeking to defund the department of education, and their targeting of student loan forgiveness programs. Because to Republicans, there is no threat greater than an educated population.

And finally, comes this. Once again, feelings over facts. A vague general sentiment that "Democrats aren't respectful" with no examples. No sources. No basis in reality.

But since you brought it up, @ilovexreaderfanfics...

Let's talk about respect!

President Jimmy Carter passed.

Tradition holds that flags be at half-staff for 30 days after the death of a President of the United States.

This is how Convicted Felon Donald Trump feels about respecting a great former president who passed.

And before anyone makes the mistake of believing anything Trump says, this is NOT the first time this has happened.

The flags were lowered during Nixon's second inauguration after Truman passed.

The flags were flown at half-staff during President Richard Nixon’s inauguration for his second term on Jan. 20, 1973, due to him having lowered them earlier for the death of former President Harry S. Truman on Dec. 26, 1972.

Trump is complaining about something that is normal to rile up an uneducated base that he knows will believe anything he says.

He's complaining about honoring a deceased former President because it will take attention away from himself.

So... Who do Republicans actually respect?

Our troops? Certainly not POWs.

On John McCain's military record, Trump once said "he's not a war hero. He's a war hero because he was captured. I like people that weren't captured."

Our kids? Trump used his platform to cyberbully a teenage girl because he was jealous of her being person of the year.

Pretending that Republicans are a party of respect is laughable.

The reality is that Republicans are the party of displaying dick pics of the children of their political enemies.

They're the party that introduced introduced a bathroom bill at congress specifically to spite the first openly transwoman elected to the House, and the American People who voted for her.

I could go on all day.

But I think this demonstrates pretty well that Republicans are the ones who will demand that they be respected, yet have no interest in respecting others.

In a way, their fictional "war on Christmas" embodies everything wrong with their beliefs.

Republicans demand the "respect" of having their holiday and their religion acknowledged by name everywhere by everyone.

When people choose to use inclusive greetings that acknowledge the many different holidays around the season, Republicans view respecting others as disrespecting them.

To the Republican, respect is a one way street. It's something meant to be given to them and literally no one else. Something they, and they alone, are entitled to.

How to trigger Republicans, sysmeds and other bigots in 1 easy steps

Step 1: Post facts with sources

That's literally it.

If you threaten them or call them names, they will feel vindicated in their persecution complexes. But if you prove them wrong with facts, they will block you instantly because being proven wrong bruises their ego and they can't cope with it.

If you're angry at bigots and want to hurt them, I promise that nothing will inflict more emotional damage than calmly explaining why they're wrong with sources to back it up.

[cowboy-robooty]

imma be so fr rn i think its homophobic when people are fine with yuri but go up in arms about yaoi. like seriously. because its so fucking stupid to act as though yuri is somehow less fetishistic than yaoi when legit the entire fetish appeal of lesbianism in yuri is the fact that its "so pure and untainted by men". Straight men who consume yuri love it because they have a thing for purity in a similar vein as straight women love yaoi for being guys "sinning" and shit. I think both of these sentiments are foul in their own respective ways and its plain ignorant to act as though the "purity" of yuri is made out of a respect for lesbians instead of fetishistic appeal. And dont get it twisted rn and think im saying yaoi and yuri both suck; you know i love both of these genres, but i can criticize it without saying the genre as a whole is some evil demon shit. Straight erotica also houses a plethora of problematic themes and sentiments because every genre is going to have issues, especially when its lewd content. Lewd content is made TO BE fetishistic because well... its lewd; the problems that arise are not black or white matters and I think that if people are willing to enjoy straight erotic manga critically but unwilling to give the same grace to yaoi or yuri then thats plain homophobic. Because when people act as though yaoi and yuri having these problems means that the genres as a whole are unsalvagable while straight erotica can still be excused, it implies that homosexuals are obligated to be BETTER than heterosexual content to be accepted. It creates this idea that homosexual content is somehow inherently more dirty and needs to make up for this fact by being morally superior in other ways. 50 shades of gray and twilight can exist with a littany of foul tropes and problematic themes that are completely put into a fetishistic light, and yes it recieves mockery and is called cringe (because it is), but how come thats all it gets while some yaoi has the same shit going on and is treated like the entire genre as a whole needs to be exterminated??????? nobody has ever said that all shitty novels made for lonely women need to be demolished because of twilight and 50 shades of gray, and anyone who has gets called out for their misogyny because its fucking stupid to act like an entire genre of content should be killed for some cringe loser shit being mixed in with it. All porn has problematic tropes, and its so homophobic to act like specifically the genre of gay men having sex is the most egregious offender of these tropes while passing off yuri as fine because the problematic tropes it houses feed into the idea of purity.

Like oh my god, the majority of yuri is not made for lesbians. Even though it is made by women, these women are not fucking queer women. They're straight women who are feeding into the misogynistic ideals of pure, feminine women remaining pure and feminine by keeping untainted by men while exploring eachothers bodies. thats why yaoi and yuris problems mirror eachother in that you see an abundance of heteronormativity in yaoi (big semes, small ukes; with the smaller feminine one being lured into a tainted world of sin by being gay or whatever) while yuri has the opposite problem with a lack of body diversity because it focuses on ideal feminine ladies remaining untouched by "sin" by only touching eachother. Why do you think that around the same time yaoi was full of shit like junjou romantica bullshit yuri was also notorious for being boring as hell with two girls thats have no personalities making out together? Because BOTH of these genres had these issues much more severely in the 2000s-2010s. Yaoi was too crazy with that sinning fetish while Yuri was too boring with that purity fetish. Its also so stupid when people keep using examples from that era of yaoi as evidence that western mlm work is sooooo much better and superior compared to the entire fucking genre because its comparing shit from ten years ago to shit made now. Idk if you remember but literally ten years ago pedo bear was a normal thing that was goddamn EVERYWHERE online. Culture changes and i can assure you western gay media was not so squeaky clean during that time either; but this is a whole 'nother enchilada to be devoured another time.

Anyways in short; its homophobic as hell if you embrace yuri but shun yaoi. All you're doing is showing you have a fundamental lack of understanding concerning the roots of yuri and who yuri is actually made for. You're acting like gay men having sex is inherently "dirtier" than straight people having sex and that they need to compensate by being more morally righteous. I'm not saying that the different problematic tropes found in each type of erotica is good and shouldn't be changed, but its homophobic to excuse straight porn while refusing that same grace to yaoi. And it disgusts me seeing people continue to perpetuate the sentiment of gay men being seen as sin and lesbian women being seen as pure (in an almost baby-fying way) only wrapped up in a new convoluted form of packaging while acting like theyre protecting homosexuals.

[adhd-merlin]

x

[nonsensechemicals]

crying whenever i talk about Cookie9 because all my friends have these interesting and unique theories on them while i take everything too literally and they all just stare at me like “dude… uuugh we r TIRED” <-they dont actually say this they are very kind to me but i can Feel It

[snekdood]

i dont think I should have to explain how it's fucked up to tell someone with bpd, someone with an already unstable sense of self, that they're not themself and try to insist you're them instead. I feel like that's pretty self explanatory actually

[criscura]

I wish I wasn't so exhausted and I could make more art.... I even planned out a whole prompt-a-day month for Saigenos/Genosai, TWICE, but the first time no one seemed like they could participate when I asked about it, and the second time I friggin lost the damned plan. I could remake it a third time, but I just....I don't know.

I've been really struggling to get along for a while, and I think if it didn't hit it off--or even if I just got really productive and it seemed like I was reaching crickets--I'd be so incredibly discouraged that it would bring me down even further. It usually takes my stuff a few months to a year to get reach, and that really doesn't do anything for me when I need the support immediately.

It's not that I don't have a billion ideas for so many different things, but my battery has been taking longer and longer to charge up and it's been running out faster and faster, and it's been like this for....a year?? Ish?? Maybe longer, I don't know.

I wish I could just stop needing so much fucking time to bounce back.....

[butnotbubblegum]

Thinking a lot recently about the fact that within a wider group of friends there will be people you don’t like. And this is fine and normal and you just get on with them because that’s what you do. But when it happens in a smaller group which is tighter knit, what do you do then? If you try and do the same it comes across weirdly. Because the level of closeness with the rest of the group is on average higher than in a big group.

[daddysropepuppy]

tell us about what makes tentacles so hot for you. what fantasies are running through that perverted head of yours?

i just think that they're hella versatile so whatever you want in the moment they can do . like the tentacles can restrain you, explore your body, overstimulate you, turn you into a mindless fuck toy, etc .

i think my current fave tentacle fantasy is a tentacle monster sneaking into my room while im sleeping n gently exploring my body until it finds the holes it wants to enter n then it like secretes an aphrodisiac or something that wakes me up . it'll start fucking me n playing w my clit n nipples . it'll use its other tentacles to move me around to put me in the position it wants me in n i'll just be helpless to it, getting so much pleasure from the monster

[angorwhosebabyisthis]

five is gay and arospec thank you for coming to my ted talk

[talentforlying]

man i love hellblazer. i write ten words about how this man grieves / breaks down emotionally and immediately want to crack my hyoid like a glowstick.

[featherymainffins]

I'm always like "Why do I feel so bad and weird today?" after a social occasion during which I drink alcohol and I go "Ohhh wait yeah that will do it." But do I learn anything? No.

[caelum-in-the-avatarverse]

Fandom can do a little gatekeeping. As a treat.

So I finally decided to archive-lock my fics on AO3 last night. I’ve been considering it since the AI scrape last year, but the tipping point was this whole lore.fm debacle, coupled with some thoughts I’ve been thinking regarding Fandom These Days in general and Fandom As A Community in particular. So I wanna explain why I waited so long, why I locked my stuff up now, and why I’ve come to the conclusion that I’m a-okay with making it harder for people to see my stories.

Lurkers really are great, tho

I’m a chronic lurker, and have been since I started hanging out on the internet as a teen in the 00s. These days it’s just cuz I don’t feel a need to socialize very often, but back then it was because I was shy and knew I was socially awkward. Even if I made an account, I’d spend months lurking on message boards or forums or Livejournals, watching other people interact and getting a feel for that particular community’s culture and etiquette before I finally started interacting myself. And y’know, that approach saved me a lot of embarrassment. Over the course of my lurking on any site, there was always some other person who’d clearly joined up five minutes after learning the place existed, barged in without a care for their behavior, and committed so many social faux pas that all the other users were immediately annoyed with them at best. I learned a lot observing those incidents. Lurk More is Rule 33 of the internet for very good reason.

Lurking isn’t bad or weird or creepy. It’s perfectly normal. I love lurking. It’s hard for me to not lurk - socializing takes a lot of energy out of me, even via text. (Heck it took 12 hours for me to write this post, I wish I was kidding--) Occasionally I’ll manage longer bouts of interaction - a few weeks posting here, almost a year chatting in a discord there - but I’m always gonna end up going radio silent for months at some point. I used to feel bad about it, but I’ve long since made peace with the fact that it’s just the way my brain works. I’m a chronic lurker, and in the long term nothing is going to change that.

The thing with being a chronic lurker is that you have to accept that you are not actually seen as part of the community you are lurking in. That’s not to say that lurkers are unimportant - lurkers actually are important, and they make up a large proportion of any online community - but it’s simple cause and effect. You may think of it as “your community”, but if you’ve never said a word, how is the community supposed to know you exist? If I lurked on someone’s LJ, and then that person suddenly friendslocked their blog, I knew that I had two choices: Either accept that I would never be able to read their posts again, or reach out to them and ask if I could be added to their friends list with the full understanding that I was a rando they might not decide to trust. I usually went with the first option, because my invisibility as a lurker was more important to me than talking to strangers on the internet.

Lurking is like sitting on a park bench, quietly people-watching and eavesdropping on the conversations other people are having around you. You’re in the park, but you’re not actively participating in anything happening there. You can see and hear things that you become very interested in! But if you don’t introduce yourself and become part of the conversation, you won’t be able to keep listening to it when those people walk away. When fandom migrated away from Livejournal, people moved to new platforms alongside their friends, but lurkers were often left behind. No one knew they existed, so they weren’t told where everyone else was going. To be seen as part of a fandom community, you need to submit to the mortifying ordeal of being known, etc. etc.

There’s nothing wrong with lurking. There can actually be benefits to lurking, both for the lurkers and the communities they lurk in. It’s just another way to be in a fandom. But if that is how you exist in fandom--and remember, I say this as someone who often does exist that way in fandom--you need to remember that you’re on the outside looking in, and the curtains can always close.

I’ve always been super sympathetic to lurkers, because I am one. I know there’s a lot of people like me who just don’t socialize often. I know there’s plenty of reasons why someone might not make an account on the internet - maybe they’re nervous, maybe they’re young and their parents don’t allow them to, maybe they’re in a bad situation where someone is monitoring their activity, maybe they can only access the internet from public computer terminals. Heck, I’ve never even logged into AO3 on my phone--if I’m away from my computer I just read what’s publicly available. 

I know I have people lurking on my fics. I know my fics probably mean a lot to someone I don’t even know exists. I know this because there are plenty of fics I love whose writers don’t know I exist.

I love my commenters personally; I love my lurkers as an abstract concept. I know they’re there and I wish them well, and if they ever de-lurk I love them all the more.

So up until last year I never considered archive-locking my fic, because I get it. The AI scraping was upsetting, but I still hesitated because I was thinking of lurkers and guests and remembering what it felt like to be 15 and wondering if it’d be worth letting a stranger on the internet know I existed and asking to be added to their friends list just so I could reread a funny post they made once.

But the internet has changed a lot since the 00s, and fandom has changed with it. I’ve read some things and been doing some thinking about fandom-as-community over the last few years, and reading through the lore.fm drama made me decide that it’s time for me to set some boundaries.

I still love my lurkers, and I feel bad about leaving any guest commenters behind, especially if they’re in a situation where they can’t make an account for some reason. But from here on out, even my lurkers are going to have to do the bare minimum to read my fics--make an AO3 account.

Should we gatekeep fandom?

I’ve seen a few people ask this question, usually rhetorically, sometimes as a joke, always with a bit of seriousness. And I think…yeah, maybe we should. Except wait, no, not like that--

A decade ago, when people talked about fandom gatekeeping and why it was bad to do, it intersected with a lot of other things, mainly feminism and classism. The prevalent image of fandom gatekeeping was, like, a man learning that a woman likes Star Wars and haughtily demanding, “Oh, yeah? Well if you’re REALLY a fan, name ten EU novels” to belittle and dismiss her, expecting that a “real fan” would have the money and time to be familiar with the EU, and ignoring the fact that male movie-only fans were still considered fans. The thing being gatekept was the very definition of “being a fan” and people’s right to describe themselves as one.

That’s not what I mean when I say maybe fandom should gatekeep more. Anyone can call themselves a fan if they like something, that’s fine. But when it comes to the ability to enjoy the fanworks produced by the fandom community…that might be something worth gatekeeping.

See, back in the 00s, it was perfectly common for people to just…not go on the internet. Surfing the web was a thing, but it was just, like, a fun pastime. Not everyone did it. It wasn’t until the rise of social media that going online became a thing everyone and their grandmother did every day. Back then, going on the internet was just…a hobby.

So one of the first gates online fandom ever had was the simple fact that the entire world wasn’t here yet.

The entire world is here now. That gate has been demolished.

And it’s a lot easier to find us now. Even scattered across platforms, fandom is so centralized these days. It isn’t a network of dedicated webshrines and forums that you can only find via webrings anymore, it’s right there on all the big social media sites. AO3 didn’t set out to be the main fanfic website, but that’s definitely what it’s become. It’s easy for people to find us--and that includes people who don’t care about the community, and just want “content.”

Transformative fandom doesn’t like it when people see our fanworks as “content”. “Content” is a pretty broad term, but when fandom uses it we’re usually referring to creative works that are churned out by content creators to be consumed by an audience as quickly as possible as often as possible so that the content creator can generate revenue. This not-so-new normal has caused a massive shift in how people who are new to fandom view fanworks--instead of seeing fic or art as something a fellow fan made and shared with you, they see fanworks as products to be consumed.

Transformative fandom has, in general, always been a gift economy. We put time and effort into creating fanworks that we share with our fellow fans for free. We do this so we don’t get sued, but fandom as a whole actually gets a lot out of the gift economy. Offer your community a story, and in return you can get comments, build friendships, or inspire other people to write things that you might want to read. Readers are given the gift of free stories to read and enjoy, and while lurking is fine, they have the choice to engage with the writer and other readers by leaving comments or making reclists to help build the community.

And look, don’t get me wrong. People have never engaged with fanfic as much as fan writers wish they would. There has always been “no one comments anymore” wank. There have always been people who only comment to say “MORE!” or otherwise demand or guilt trip writers into posting the next chapter. But fandom has always agreed that those commenters are rude and annoying, and as those commenters navigate fandom they have the chance to learn proper community etiquette.

However, now it seems that a lot of the people who are consuming fanworks aren’t actually in the community. 

I won’t say “they aren’t real fans” because that’s silly; there’s lots of ways to be a fan. But there seem to be a lot of fans now who have no interest in fandom as a community, or in adhering to community etiquette, or in respecting the gift economy. They consume our fics, but they don’t appreciate fan labor. They want our “content”, but they don’t respect our control over our creations.

And even worse--they see us as a resource. We share our work for free, as a gift, but all they see is an open-source content farm waiting to be tapped into. We shared it for free, so clearly they can do whatever they want with it. Why should we care if they feed our work into AI training datasets, or copy/paste our unfinished stories into ChatGPT to get an ending, or charge people for an unnecessary third-party AO3 app, or sell fanbindings on etsy for a profit without the author’s permission, or turn our stories into poor imitations of podfics to be posted on other platforms without giving us credit or asking our consent, while also using it to lure in people they can datascrape for their Forbes 30 Under 30 company? 

And sure, people have been doing shady things with other people’s fanworks since forever. Art theft and reposting has always been a big problem. Fanfic is harder to flat-out repost, but I’ve heard of unauthorized fic translations getting posted without crediting the original author. Once in…I think the 2010s? I read a post by a woman who had gone to some sort of local bookselling event, only to find that the man selling “his” novel had actually self-published her fanfic. (Wish I could find that one again, I don’t even remember where I read it.)

But aside from that third example, the thing is…as awful as fanart/writing theft is, back in the day, the main thing a thief would gain from it was clout. Clout that should rightfully go to the creators who gifted their work in the first place, yeah, but still. Just clout. People will do a lot of hurtful things for clout, but fandom clout means nothing outside of fandom. Fandom clout is not enough to incentivize the sort of wide-scale pillaging we’re seeing from community outsiders today.

Money, on the other hand… Well, fandom’s just a giant, untapped content farm, isn’t it? Think of how much revenue all that content could generate.

Lurkers are a normal and even beneficial part of any online community. Maybe one day they’ll de-lurk and easily slide into place beside their fellow fans because they already know the etiquette. Maybe they’re active in another community, and they can spread information from the community they lurk in to the community they’re active in. At the very least, they silently observe, and even if they’re not active community members, they understand the community.

Fans who see fanworks as “content” don’t belong in the same category as lurkers. They’re tourists. 

While reading through the initial Reddit thread on the lore.fm situation, I found this comment:

[ID: Reddit User Cabbitowo says: ... So in anime fandoms we have a word called tourist and essentially it means a fan of a few anime and doesn't care about anime tropes and actively criticizes them. This is kind of how fandoms on tiktok feel. They're touring fanfics and fanart and actively criticizes tropes that have been in the fandom since the 60s. They want to be in a fandom but they don't want to engage in fandom 

OP totallymandy responds: Just entered back into Reddit after a long day to see this most recent reply. And as a fellow anime fan this making me laugh so much since it’s true! But it sorta hurts too when the reality sets in. Modern fandom is so entitled and bratty and you’d think it’s the minors only but that’s not even true, my age-mates and older seem to be like that. They want to eat their cake and complain all whilst bringing nothing to the potluck… :/ END ID]

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“Tourist” is an apt name for this sort of fan. They don’t want to be part of our community, and they don’t have to be in order to come into our spaces and consume our work. Even if they don’t steal our work themselves, they feel so entitled to it that they’re fine with ignoring our wishes and letting other people take it to make AI “podfics” for them to listen to (there are a lot of comments on lore.fm’s shutdown announcement video from people telling them to just ignore the writers and do it anyway). They’ll use AI to generate an ending to an unfinished fic because they don’t care about seeing “the ending this writer would have given to the story they were telling”, they just want “an ending”. For these tourist fans, the ends justify the means, and their end goal is content for them to consume, with no care for the community that created it for them in the first place.

I don’t think this is confined to a specific age group. This isn’t “13-year-olds on Wattpad” or “Zoomers on TikTok” or whatever pointless generation war we’re in now. This is coming from people who are new to fandom, whose main experience with creative works on the internet is this new content culture and who don’t understand fandom as a community. That description can be true of someone from any age group.

It’s so easy to find fandom these days. It is, in fact, too easy. Newcomers face no hurdles or challenges that would encourage them to lurk and observe a bit before engaging, and it’s easy for people who would otherwise move on and leave us alone to start making trouble. From tourist fans to content entrepreneurs to random people who just want to gawk, it’s so easy for people who don’t care about the fandom community to reap all of its fruits. 

So when I say maybe fandom should start gatekeeping a bit, I’m referring to the fact that we barely even have a gate anymore. Everyone is on the internet now; the entire world can find us, and they don’t need to bother learning community etiquette when they do. Before, we were protected by the fact that fandom was considered weird and most people didn’t look at it twice. Now, fandom is pretty mainstream. People who never would’ve bothered with it before are now comfortable strolling in like they own the place. They have no regard for the fandom community, they don’t understand it, and they don’t want to. They want to treat it just like the rest of the content they consume online.

And then they’re surprised when those of us who understand fandom culture get upset. Fanworks have existed far longer than the algorithmic internet’s content. Fanworks existed long before the internet. We’ve lived like this for ages and we like it.

So if someone can’t be bothered to respect fandom as a community, I don’t see why I should give them easy access to my fics.

Think of it like a garden gate

When I interact with commenters on my fic, I have this sense of hospitality.

The comment section is my front porch. The fic is my garden. I created my garden because I really wanted to, and I’m proud of it, and I’m happy to share it with other people. 

Lots of people enjoy looking at my garden. Many walk through without saying anything. Some stop to leave kudos. Some recommend my garden to their friends. And some people take the time to stop by my front porch and let me know what a beautiful garden it is and how much they’ve enjoyed it. 

Any fic writer can tell you that getting comments is an incredible feeling. I always try to answer all my comments. I don’t always manage it, but my fics’ comment sections are the one place that I manage to consistently socialize in fandom. When I respond to a comment, it feels like I’m pouring out a glass of lemonade to share with this lovely commenter on my front porch, a thank you for their thank you. We take a moment to admire my garden together, and then I see them out. The next time they drop by, I recognize them and am happy to pour another glass of lemonade.

My garden has always been open and easy to access. No fences, no walls. You just have to know where to find it. Fandom in general was once protected by its own obscurity, an out-of-the-way town that showed up on maps but was usually ignored.

But now there’s a highway that makes it easy to get to, and we have all these out-of-towner tourists coming in to gawk and steal our lawn ornaments and wonder if they can use the place to make themselves some money.

I don’t care to have those types trampling over my garden and eating all my vegetables and digging up my flowers to repot and sell, so I’ve put up a wall. It has a gate that visitors can get through if they just take the time to open it.

Admittedly, it’s a small obstacle. But when I share my fics, I share them as a gift with my fellow fans, the ones who understand that fandom is a community, even if they’re lurkers. As for tourist fans and entrepreneurs who see fic as content, who have no qualms ignoring the writer’s wishes, who refuse to respect or understand the fandom community…well, they’re not the people I mean to share my fic with, so I have no issues locking them out. If they want access to my stories, they’ll have to do the bare minimum to become a community member and join the AO3 invite queue.

And y’know, I’ve said a lot about fandom and community here, and I just want to say, I hope it’s not intimidating. When I was younger, talk about The Fandom Community made me feel insecure, and I didn’t think I’d ever manage to be active enough in fandom spaces to be counted as A Member Of The Community. But you don’t have to be a social butterfly to participate in fandom. I’ll always and forever be a chronic lurker, I reblog more than I post, I rarely manage to comment on fic, and I go radio silent for months at a time--but I write and post fanfiction. That’s my contribution.

Do you write, draw, vid, gif, or otherwise create? Congrats, you're a community member.

Do you leave comments? Congrats, you're a community member.

Do you curate reclists? Congrats, you're a community member.

Do you maintain a fandom blog or fuckyeah blog? Congrats, you're a community member.

Do you provide a space for other fans to convene in? Congrats, you're a community member.

Do you regularly send asks (off anon so people know who you are)? Congrats, you're a community member.

Do you have fandom friends who you interact with? Congrats, you're a community member.

There’s lots of ways to be a fan. Just make sure to respect and appreciate your fellow fans and the work they put in for you to enjoy and the gift economy fandom culture that keeps this community going.