#and for me that's way more of a normal people thing than anything else

[alaskan-wallflower]

gonna add on but

i’m scared for my brother who lives in washington dc, or at least close to it-he saw guards with machine guns today around the voting centers, and god knows what he will do this time if he loses. not only that but i’m scared for him losing his rights as a gay man. im scared for his boyfriend, who’s become a pretty good friend of mine and will have his rights taken away too. i’m scared for my own rights being taken away because i know that he doesn’t care about people with disabilities, nor members of the lgbtq community nor women. i’m scared of this country becoming a fascist country because he said himself he would be a dictator for one day, but we know dictators aren’t dictators for only one day. let it be known he has also said that we will never have to vote again if he wins.

he doesn’t care. he doesn’t care about you or me or anyone else, even if he says he does, because he sure as hell doesn’t. if he wins he will turn this country into the equivalent of the handmaids tale. not only will he be affecting our country but other countries as well, and not in a good way.

i know i won’t be able to change your mind. but this is more of a vent than anything. i cannot vote this election, but take these notes into consideration. i don’t normally post about politics on here because i don’t wish to engage in that kind of things however i will this one time. i feel sick to my stomach thinking about the possibility of him winning. i know this all sounds dramatic but i cannot fathom what kind of upside down hellhole this country will turn into if he wins.

I’m so scared for Tuesday.

For those who live in other countries and do not know the date of the US election, it’s November 5 aka this Tuesday.

I’m so scared. I was raised watching the news 24/7, it was always on; which now means, I am into politics and have very strong opinions

When it was the 2016 election, I was scared. Just before the election I did a project on her and when she lost I cried. I was six.

In the 2020 election, I was scared. I remember being at home sitting on the floor watching the news and my cousin, she was five, I was explaining the situation, the candidates, and the issues. She told me she really hoped Biden won. When he did I screamed and told her. I cried of relief. I was ten.

Now it’s the 2024 election, I am more scared now than ever. That same cousin is now nine, and she convince my undecided Uncle, on her own, to vote for Kamala. I’m so scared and I can’t understand the severity of the situation now more than ever. I hope that at the end of this week I still can say I feel safe. I will cry no matter which way the election goes either out of relief or out of fear for me, my friends and my family. I am fourteen.

I’m praying at the end of this week my friends, my family, and myself are still safe and have access to healthcare and online resources.

I am so scared for Tuesday.

Vote for me and our generation because we can’t.

Vote Blue.

💙💙💙

Please share this and remind people to register and go out and vote

^Click here to check your ballot, if your registered, where to vote, count down to voting and more

[certifiedsexed]

i think i'm aspec because even though i find women attractive and want to date them, their bodies don't turn me on. i reckon when most people are turned on they feel an urge to do things with the person or sort themselves out? and while sure i would like a pretty girlfriend; i wanna kiss and cuddle more so because we're in love and stuff.

however, i have just one fetish. i won't be sharing what it is but whenever i'm bored or understimulated i'll get off to a video of it. i guess this proves that i can find something sexually attractive? but when it comes to anything besides that kink i'm just not interested.

it's like, i assume all allosexual people have a "sex kink" (that sounds dumb but just listen) where they enjoy hot bodies and you know, having sex and things associated with sex. and i don't have a sex kink, just the other one. but since i don't like the idea of being sexual with another person i'll probably just engage in this fetish by myself.

i guess my question is: am i still asexual? i do know that it's a spectrum and some people identify as ace even if they have a little sexual attraction, but i feel like my circumstance is kind of weird because i've never heard of anyone else who has a kink but isn't horny. is it even normal, or is it a sign of some weird sexual suppression or something?

sorry to ramble so much. it's just confusing.

Well, asexuality is more about your varied/lack of sexual attraction to OTHER people. So having a fetish, getting off to it or even getting off in general doesn't negate being asexual. Having a kink doesn't even have to have anything to do with sexual attraction to others.

Yes, you're absolutely still asexual. There are actually a lot of asexual people in kink scenes, it just depends what circles you're in. It's not really anymore weird than having kinks is in general-Or, as is commonly said in kink spaces: if that's weird, it's all weird.

It's not specifically a sign of sexual suppression. It's just the way your sexuality manifests. It's find to be asexual and have kinks, it doesn't have to "mean" anything specifically.

That's not to say you can't be sexually suppressed and need to work through that. It's just that being asexual and having kinks isn't, in of itself, a sign of sexual suppression.

Not sure if this helps but hope so! Let me know if you have any other questions. <3

[simpforpeterp]

stanford pines x reader

Look Me in the Eye

summary: based on a daisy jones and the six scene! a one shot in which ford comes home from a crazy night with bill, pushing you to your limit

warnings: a slap from reader to ford. gender neutral reader! this one shot came from a chapter of my actual oc story about ford but i made it gender neutral x reader because i’m so proud of this scene.

word count: 4.4k

With Fiddleford back home for Thanksgiving and the portal on a brief hiatus, you’d think Ford would take that chance to be home. But he doesn’t; he keeps working. So, you decide to try and get some work done too. Writing hasn’t come easy, though.

Ford is God knows where, and you’re sitting at your piano, staring at the keys, waiting for the words to come. At this point, a part of you has accepted that the Ford you married is somewhere deep in the back of his brain. He said he would do better, but he hasn’t. You think back to your cousin and how you swore that you wouldn’t let yourself end up like that—in a small town with a deadbeat partner and a baby.

The only thing you don’t have out of those things is a baby, which you don’t want. When you were younger, you always saw yourself having kids. But when you marry a human, it’s a little strange to think about. It’s unknown if you could even have kids together. There were legends back home about two humans in the demon realm, and one of them married and had a baby with a witch.

You do a mini birth control spell that you’re not even sure works. Well, it’s worked so far—you haven’t gotten pregnant yet. Ford wouldn’t give a damn about a baby anyway, so why even put it at the forefront of your mind? And you’re fine without kids. You’re not one of those people who craved kids their whole life and dreamed about what life with children would look like.

You always assumed it would happen if it happened. And with Ford, it’s not happening. These past few months have proven that more than ever because he’s rarely home. The way most couples go out to dinner at the end of a long day, you and Ford go out to breakfast two or three times a week. But he’s usually trying to hide the fact that he’s rushing to get back to work.

His attempt at spending time with you is noted but not necessarily accepted.

The door creaks open, and you hear the unsteady shuffle of Ford’s footsteps before you see him. He stumbles into the room, shirtless, his hair a tangled mess, eyes glassy, and reeking of alcohol. He stands there in the doorway, looking at you with a mix of shame and regret, unable to meet your gaze for long. He tries to speak, but the words fumble out, barely coherent.

“Ford,” you breathe, your voice wavering between anger and concern. You step closer to him, looking at how droopy and tired his eyes look. “What happened to you?”

“I… I know Bill took it too far this time, but it doesn’t… it doesn’t mean anything. It’s not—” He’s almost nonverbal, his normally sharp mind dulled by the alcohol and Bill’s lingering influence. When you see new tattoos on his body, you lose it.

“What the fuck do you think you’re doing, Ford? What the fuck is wrong with you?” You demand. He doesn’t even look at you; his mind is completely somewhere else. It’s as if Ford isn’t even in there right now.

Before he can respond, you close the distance between you, and your hand connects with his face in a swift, stinging slap. Given that you’re smaller than him, it doesn’t do much other than make him look at you. Ford looks at you, stunned, his hand moving slowly to his cheek where your slap left its mark and a slight stinging pain.

“You come home like this,” you say, your voice breaking as tears well up in your eyes. “After everything, you think you can just brush it off? You think you can say it doesn’t mean anything and that’s supposed to be enough?”

Ford’s lips tremble, his eyes filled with a mix of guilt and sorrow. He wants to tell you how sorry he is, how much he hates himself for what he’s become, but the words won’t come.

“What happened to the man I married?” you continue, your voice softer now, though no less pained. “Where’s the Ford who would move mountains for me, who promised we’d get through anything together? Because this…” You gesture at him, tears finally spilling over. “This isn’t the man I fell in love with.”

Ford’s eyes fill with tears, his heart breaking at the sight of your pain. He knows he’s the cause, knows that he’s pushed you to the edge, but he still can’t let go of the work, of the promises he made to Bill. But none of that matters now—not when he sees how much he’s hurting you.

“I’m so sorry,” he whispers, his voice raw with emotion. “I… it’s Bill, but I—”

“So, who do I blame?” you ask, and he doesn’t have an answer. “Who the fuck do you think you are, acting like this? You come home from doing God knows what, God knows where, and have the nerve to try to defend Bill? After all of this bullshit, you still think he’s someone worth putting up with?”

You look at him, your anger slowly giving way to a deep, aching sadness. You still love him—God, you love him so much—but this version of Ford, the one who’s been consumed by his work and Bill’s influence, is breaking your heart piece by piece.

“I love you, Ford. I love you so much it hurts, but I can’t keep doing this. I can’t keep watching you destroy yourself… and us.” Your voice trembles as you take a step back, the space between you feeling like a chasm.

“Please… I don’t want to lose you. I love you more than anything. I’m sorry.” Ford reaches out to you, desperation in his eyes.

You hesitate, looking at the man you married, the one you’ve been trying to hold on to, but you can’t shake the fear that he’s already slipping away.

“You’re losing me, Stanford.” You shake your head as another tear falls, and it’s like everything comes bubbling over all at once.

Ford reaches out, desperate to close the distance between you, but you step back, gently pushing him away. Your hands, though soft against his chest, carry the weight of all the anger and hurt you’ve been holding in.

“Go take a shower, Ford,” you say, your voice trembling but firm. “I’m not going to talk to you again until you do.”

Your words hit him like a cold splash of reality. He can see the resolve in your eyes, the line you’re drawing in the sand. You’re not just angry; you’re done—at least for now. Ford hesitates, wanting to say something, anything to make this right, but the look on your face tells him that words won’t fix this. Not this time.

He nods, defeated, and turns away, heading for the bathroom. The sound of the door closing behind him feels like a finality he’s not ready to face. He lingers for a moment, his hand resting on the doorknob, hoping you’ll say something—anything—to stop him from leaving the room. But you don’t.

As he steps into the shower, the hot water cascades over him, washing away the grime and sweat from the night, but it does nothing to ease the weight on his chest. He leans against the tiled wall, water mingling with the tears he’s been holding back.

His heart breaks. He knew after every other little crack in your relationship that this was coming. But nothing could’ve made him ready for the day you finally snapped. And he knows you don’t believe he loves you as much as he does, which kills him.

Meanwhile, you watch him disappear into the bathroom, your heart heavy with the love you still feel for him, mixed with the deep-seated pain of watching him spiral. You turn on your heel, walking away, needing the space to gather yourself before you can even think about facing him again. As you move through your home, every room feels colder and emptier, and you can’t shake the fear that the warmth you once shared might be slipping away for good.

After all that, you feel like you need a shower too. You can’t believe you said all that and exploded. It felt like it was a long time coming and this was the final straw. His coming home like that, completely shameless, made you feel an anger you hadn’t felt before. Anger because you always said you could do better than your family, but he’s making you feel the same as they did.

When Ford finally emerges, clean but still burdened, he heads into your bedroom. He notices you sitting there with red, puffy eyes. He doesn’t know what to do; he doesn’t know how to fix this.

“I’m sorry for how I reacted, but you have to know how pissed I am,” you speak first as he takes a seat beside you on the bed. “If you don’t love me anymore, just say it. You’re never around anymore, and when you are, it seems like you just want to get away from me. It’s fine if you don’t love me anymore; I’d be heartbroken, but I’d be okay. I’d be even more heartbroken if you kept me hanging around here when it’s just me who still loves you.”

Ford feels his throat tighten at your words, guilt and sorrow gnawing at him. He opens his mouth to respond, but the words catch in his throat. How can he make you understand that his distance has never been about a lack of love? How can he convince you that despite everything, you’re still the most important part of his life?

“I always promised myself I wouldn’t be this,” you start. “Sitting around as if I need someone. I never wanted to be the person stuck at home, trotting around at the genius’ heels. Especially not with someone who doesn’t—who might not—” your voice trembles, and he quickly jumps in.

“I do love you,” he finally whispers, his voice hoarse. “I love you more than anything. I’m just… lost. This work, everything I’ve been doing—it’s consumed me, and I know I’ve let it come between us. But please, don’t ever think that I don’t love you. That’s the furthest thing from the truth.”

You listen, your eyes searching his face for sincerity. You can see the regret there, the deep sadness in his eyes, but you’ve heard apologies before. You need more than just words. Ford reaches out, taking your hand in his, holding it like a lifeline. He can feel your fingers trembling, and it breaks his heart all over again.

“I know I’ve been terrible,” he admits, his voice barely above a whisper. “I’ve been so wrapped up in my work that I’ve neglected you, neglected us. But I don’t want to lose you. I can’t lose you. I’ll do better—I promise I’ll do better.”

“How many times have we had this conversation, Ford? I—I’m getting tired,” you breathe out.

“I mean, what do you want me to tell you here? Do you want me to say I’m never gonna work with Bill again? Because I can’t! I need him.” Ford tries.

“No, you don’t!” you slightly raise your voice before sighing.

“Do you want me to just stop working so you can be making money and supporting me while I do nothing? I mean, fuck, you’re not exactly writing or anything right now,” he breathes out.

“I’m trying,” you say firmly.

“I can’t… I can’t lose so you’re comfortable! I can’t lose because you can’t win,” he raises his voice.

And then it’s quiet for a moment. Neither of you speaks, but Ford instantly regrets it.

“I don’t know how much longer I can do this,” your voice breaks.

He’s failed you in so many ways, and he’s terrified that it might be too late to fix things. But as he looks into your eyes, he knows he has to try.

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry. I’ll do whatever it takes to make this right,” he says, his voice trembling with conviction. “Just… please don’t give up on me. Don’t give up on us.”

“I don’t believe you,” you cry, and he slightly stiffens. “I mean, did you hear what you just said? I need to go for a drive or something.”

“Wait, please,” he starts, but you’re already standing up and trying to leave. “I’m so in love with you it feels like I can’t breathe when I’m not with you!”

As you try to walk out as quickly as possible to hide your tears, he sees your hand come up to wipe them.

“Please don’t go,” he begs, finally catching up with you and placing his hands on your shoulders. “Please, just hear me out.”

“I’ll hear you out later, I just need a minute. I don’t want to give up on this, but I just… I need a coffee or something,” you look him in the eyes, and everything in him softens.

“Okay,” he breathes out. “Just… please, come home to me.”

“I will. I’ll be back soon,” you nod.

Ford watches helplessly as you leave. The door clicks shut behind you, leaving a deafening silence in its wake. His heart aches with a pain he can’t describe, but he doesn’t have the time to wallow. The moment you’re gone, something snaps inside him, and he storms back into his office.

Once inside, Ford slams the door shut and collapses into his chair, his body shaking as the tears finally break free. He buries his face in his hands, the sobs wracking his body with a force he hasn’t felt in years. All of the pain, the regret, the self-loathing—it all comes pouring out in a way that feels like it could tear him apart.

But before he can even begin to regain control, he senses a familiar presence. The air in the room changes, becoming thick with an ominous energy that Ford knows all too well.

"Why the long face, Sixer?" Bill’s voice cuts through the silence. "Having a little lover’s quarrel?"

Ford lifts his head, his bloodshot eyes meeting Bill’s glowing form. Rage surges through him, raw and untamed.

"This is your fault," he yells. "You’ve ruined everything!"

"Me? Ruin? Oh, come on, Fordsy. You know this was bound to happen. You’re the one who’s been pushing them away, not me." Bill laughs, the sound echoing eerily off the walls. Ford’s fists clench at his sides, the anger building to a boiling point.

"I wouldn’t be in this mess if it weren’t for you!" he shouts, his voice cracking with the weight of his emotions. "My marriage is falling apart because of you!"

"Oh, don’t be so dramatic," Bill taunts, his voice dripping with condescension. "You think I made you neglect them? Do you think I made you ignore all those signs? That’s all you, pal. I see everything, and they’ve been telling you how they feel like every day. It’s not my fault you don’t care enough to do anything about it."

"I- why did you have to go so crazy in my body? I respect you, and I’m still finishing the portal, but what the hell? At the end of the day, I wouldn’t be in this situation if it weren’t for you." Ford glares.

"You think finishing that portal is going to fix your problems? Oh, Fordsy, you’re in way over your head. Stop blaming me. It’s not my fault you want to see me more than your own spouse." Bill laughs.

"Maybe you can’t process emotions like this, but they’re the love of my life. Before them, I hadn’t really dated anyone, and I wasn’t even sleeping around or anything; I was a loser. The only reason I ended up with someone as incredible as them without ruining it, like usual, is because I saw them as an anomaly at first. I didn’t think I was flirting or anything. I don’t know what I’d do if they left me. I wouldn’t even know what love is without them. You need to think about what your actions can mean for other people, Bill." Ford turns back to Bill.

"Clearly, you’re the one that needs to think about your actions. Isn’t it crazy that if you neglect someone’s feelings, they won’t want to be with you anymore? Even I can understand that!" Bill laughs, and Ford just stands up.

Ford sits there for a moment before he decides he can’t take it anymore. He stands up and heads to the music room. Bill yells things as he walks away, but Ford doesn’t hear it. He heads straight for a notebook full of songs they’ve written. His heart is racing as he opens it and sees so many that he hasn’t even heard yet.

In fact, this is a new notebook almost full of songs he hasn’t heard except for a few at the beginning. Have they not tried to show him, or has he not tried to listen? He reads the sad lyrics of almost every song, lyrics about feeling lonely when with someone you love and waking up alone. Songs about how they try to convince themselves that they’re a part of his life but not feeling like it. When did he start pulling away from them?

You sit in your car with a to-go cup of coffee, unsure if you should drive home yet or simmer for a little while longer. Your fingers tap on the warm cup as you try to think clearly. Your love for Ford is swarming every inch of your mind. But you know you shouldn’t accept what you don’t deserve, and you know you haven’t done anything to deserve this.

The version of you before Ford would’ve threatened a divorce already to try and scare him. You don’t want to do that now, but you want him to realize that you can’t keep living like this. You can’t keep following in his stride instead of walking beside him. You’ve won ten Grammys; it’s not as if you’re unaccomplished with no other options but to stay with him.

But you want to stay with him. Ford is so loving and warm. No one has ever loved you the way he has. Hell, no one other than Ford has seen you as more than a one-night thing. And you love him so much. You can’t help but wonder if maybe there’s something here for you to try to understand that you don’t already.

You look at the ring on your finger—his ring. And you don’t feel like other people have described, like it’s a handcuff or a jail cell that’s keeping you locked to him. You love being married to Ford. Saying you don’t and never did would be a complete lie. You just don’t love being mostly ignored by the man you love.

For someone so smart, he can be such an idiot sometimes. Letting some kind of entity possess his body whenever it pleases is a new low. Is that my problem? Bill? you think. It’s not right to you that his weakest self gets to decide how your life is going to turn out; you get to decide that. And what you want is a life—a beautiful marriage, a home—with him. With the man you know he truly is. And you’re going to get it, hell or high water.

You take a deep breath, your eyes still fixed on the ring as you turn it around your finger. The thought of a future without Ford makes your heart ache, but you know you deserve better, and you know Ford is capable of giving it to you—if he just realized how much you mean to him, how much you mean to each other.

You sip your coffee, the warmth grounding you, giving you the clarity you need. You know you have limits. If Ford can’t see the toll his actions are taking on your marriage, then you have to make him see it. You have to stand up for yourself, for what you want, and for the life you could have together.

You start the car, the decision made. You’re going to drive home and talk to him—not in anger or frustration, but with the love that’s still there, burning so fiercely in your heart. You’re going to make him understand what’s at stake—not just your marriage, but everything you’ve built together.

As you drive, the road blurs slightly through your unshed tears, but you blink them away. You can’t afford to lose focus now. Ford needs to know that you’re serious, that this isn’t just another fight that will blow over. This is your future, and you won’t let it slip away without a fight.

When you pull up to the house, your resolve only strengthens. You take a deep breath before stepping out of the car, the ring on your finger feeling like a lifeline rather than a chain. You walk into the house, finding Ford sitting on the couch, his head in his hands. He looks up as you enter, and the relief in his eyes is almost overwhelming.

“Ford…” you begin, your voice thick with emotion, but you hold up a hand to stop him as he tries to respond.

“Ford, I need you to listen to me,” you say firmly, though your voice trembles slightly. You sit down beside him, taking his hands in yours. “I love you more than anything in this world, but I can’t keep living like this. I can’t keep being the one who’s always trying to catch up to you, to your work, to everything else that seems to matter more than me or my feelings.”

His eyes widen in panic, and he starts to speak, but you squeeze his hands, stopping him again.

“No, Ford. Let me finish,” you continue, your voice soft but steady. “You’ve always been so loving, so warm, and I’ve never felt like this with anyone else. But you know me, and you know I’m not the type to ignore the fact that I’ve felt more like an afterthought lately. And it hurts. It really, really hurts.”

“Please, I—” Ford’s face crumples, and you can see the guilt and regret swirling in his eyes.

“I don’t want to threaten you with divorce or give you an ultimatum,” you say, your voice breaking slightly. “But I need you to understand that if we’re going to make this work, you need to start seeing me as your partner again, not just someone who’s here to support you while you chase after your dreams. We need to be in this together, walking side by side—not with me always trying to catch up.”

Ford looks at you with such intensity that it nearly takes your breath away. His eyes are red and puffy too, his fingers nervously moving his ring in circles on his finger.

“You’re right,” he finally says, his voice hoarse. “I’ve been an idiot, and I’ve taken you for granted. But I swear to you, I’ll do whatever it takes to fix this. You mean everything to me, and I can’t imagine my life without you in it. You make me want to be better, not just for you, but for us. And I’m going to prove it to you. I don’t want to lose this with you, and I’m so sorry that I’ve hurt you. Just… please, don’t go. I’m still yours. My heart is always gonna be yours. You are the one I want.”

“I just want you to see me, Ford. Really see me. I’m not asking you to give up your work, but I need you to find a balance, to make room for us in your life. Because I can’t keep doing this if things don’t change.” You nod, tears spilling over your lashes as you squeeze his hands.

“I see you. I promise I see you,” Ford whispers, pulling you into his arms. “And I’m going to show you just how much you mean to me. I won’t let you down again. And those aren’t just empty promises—I mean every word I say to you.”

As you hold each other, the tension begins to melt away, replaced by the hope that you can find your way back to each other. It won’t be easy, but you know it’s possible. And for the first time in a long time, you believe that you can make it work. Ford pulls back slightly, his gaze locking with yours.

“I’ve never loved anyone like I love you,” he says, his voice thick with emotion. “I didn’t date anyone in high school or college—I was too focused on my work. Hell, I’ve only slept with four people in my life, and you’re the only one who wanted me after that. You’re the only one who stayed the morning after and kissed me and smiled at me. You looked so perfect then, and it would’ve been impossible not to want more with you. You’re the reason I want to be better, the reason I want to wake up every morning. And I don’t know how I got so lucky to have you in my life, but I’m not going to take it for granted anymore. I promise you that.”

“Okay.” You nod for a moment before bringing his lips to yours.

He sinks into you, and the next thing he knows, he’s on top of you on the couch. Both of your hands are desperate as your lips talk. And he thinks, while this is happening, that you are worth everything to him. He didn’t think any of this would be happening when he first got out of high school and his life was in front of him. He never thought he would even have a spouse, let alone be kissing you with his body between your legs in your home on a quiet November night.

And the further things go, he realizes that he hasn’t touched you like this since your most recent talk about him neglecting you before tonight. Seasons changed, months passed, and he was too wrapped up in whatever he was doing to just exist with you, which is what he loved doing when you first met.

[dirtyzucchini]

I was chatting with @sammags and @syrupmap about Frannie's German Suitor from Dead Men Don't Throw Rice earlier (have you noticed he bears an uncanny resemblance to Canadian actor Paul Gross?), and the question came up: "Zucchini, how is that guy's German?" and the answer was, of course: "ATROCIOUS, thank you!"

So, let me count you the ways in which those lines at the end of the episode are clearly supposed to be German, but were not influenced by anyone who has anything more than a passing acquaintance with the language!

Line number one:

What they're trying to say:

Their German translation and why it's garbage:

"Da komm ich nicht drauf was ich sagen."

This first line is almost a sentence, only it's missing a part, it means something else than they think it does AND it's just not something anyone would say. "Da komm ich nicht drauf was ich sagen" is like… if someone said it to me I would think I knew what he meant, but I would also think he used a bad translation app or something. Unfortunately, what I would think he meant would be "I have no idea what I'm supposed to say", which the astute reader will agree is NOT what they where going for here. A good translation would have been "Ich verstehe kein Wort", a more direct but not quite idiomatic translation would have been "Ich habe keine Ahnung, was du sagst", but neither of those happened. Aside from that, his pronounciation is... not horrific, but he would not be mistaken for a native speaker.

Line number two:

What they're trying to say:

Their German translation and why it's garbage:

His pronounciation of the first half of that sentence is so bad that I can't for the life of me make out what they're trying to say. Listened to it twenty times at least, can't do it. The second half ("Ich kann keine Englisch") is almost correct - it should be 'kein' instead of 'keine' - but it doesn't sound great. While it is idiomatic, a closer and still perfectly normal translation of their line would have been: "Ich spreche kein Wort Englisch."

Line number three:

What they're trying to say:

Their German translation and why it's garbage:

"Sie Chicago-Mädchen sind merkwürdige." Oh boy, where do I even start? A native speaker would probably phrase it as "Chicago-Mädels sind komisch" but only because the construction we would normally use only works on place names ending in a consonant. For, say, Berlin we would say "Berlinerinnen sind komisch", but 'Chicagoerinnen' is impossible to say somehow. So normally the word 'girls' would not appear in the German version of the sentence, but we would likely make an exception for Chicago. We would not say Mädchen because it mostly refers to children and teenagers; Mädels is the word to go for when then girls in question are adults. Then there's the thing about "Sie" - while that's one way to translate 'you', it's the word used in direct formal address of a single person, so it's right out in this case. A fairly direct, but not quite idiomatic translation could be "Ihr Chicago-Mädels seid merkwürdig", only no one uses merkwürdig like that. Last not least, his pronounciation is not great here either.

Line number four:

What they're trying to say:

Their translation and why it's garbage fine actually:

"Ich muss jetzt gehen" - solid translation, solid delivery. While he doesn't sound like a native speaker, he definitely sounds like a guy who's been learning German for a while.

BONUS:

This made me laugh because he said it in English and they put the German in the caption. Solid translation again!

Thank you for coming to my TED talk! In conclusion: these lines were written by a bunch of people who took German in school for a year, then pooled their vague memories to create this. It's weird and funny and I love it, actually!

[theloveoffootball10]

sᴛɪᴄᴋᴡɪᴛᴜ - ᴛ ᴡ ᴇ ɴ ᴛ ʏ ɴ ɪ ɴ ᴇ

m a s t e r l i s t

ᴛ ᴡ ᴇ ɴ ᴛ ʏ ɴ ɪ ɴ ᴇ

Falling asleep and waking up with Lando are probably two of my favourite things in the world. The warmth of his body next to me. His arm lazily resting across my hip. His soft snores when he's not talking in his sleep. It all feels very normal. When we're in bed like this he's just Lando. He's not the formula one driver everyone loves to have an opinion about. He's just my Lando.

"You have that look on your face what you pull when you're thinking. What's on your mind?" Lando mumbles one eye half open.

"You. I just love when we're like this. It's just us and there's no expectations. I get to just enjoy being with you and no one needing your attention for anything else" I knew what I was getting into with Lando, I've never been oblivious to that but when so many people demand his attention for media or fans or whatever it may be on a daily basis I appreciate being able to have these moments alone.

"I know you aren't a morning person but it's nice to just relax and not have a reason to get out of bed. It's been amazing having you in Monaco, I didn't realise how much I needed it until you were stood in my apartment. It wasn't a hotel. It wasn't a motor home or drivers room. It's my home and that means more to me than anything else".

"Lando I'll be here as much as you want me to be here. I've loved being here with you as well. It just feels like it's meant to be. I would love to stay in bed with you but we have a busy day. I need to arrange everything for Liv and Max's gender reveal" after brainstormings for a few hours I came up with what I think is the perfect way for them to find out if their baby is a boy or girl. I have the envelope so I could technically look but I want to find out with them.

"I still can't believe they're having a baby its wild"

"I know! Who would have thought them meeting in Belgium would lead to this. I need to shower and get ready for today I'll be as quick as I can" walking into Lando's bathroom I lock the door knowing Lando is likely to follow me. Normally I'd happily share a shower with him but I am a woman on a mission today. I loosely curl my hair and apply my make up in the bathroom before opening the door to allow Lando in.

"Fuck me baby you look stunning" Lando looks genuinely surprised at my appearance and I have no idea why. I've done nothing different.

"Thanks babe. You seem surprised" I stand leaning against the door frame of the bathroom as Lando brushes his teeth.

"I'm not surprised, you always look stunning but there's just something about the way you look today" feeling Lando pick me up and throw me over his should I can't help but laugh as I'm thrown on the bed "I need you. You've given me a semi just looking as good as you do"

"Lando..." I can't even argue as I feel Lando's lips on mine. He's always affectionate but I don't know what has got into him today.

"Baby I just need to eat you out" who turned my boyfriend into a teenage boy? Feeling my legs spread and my underwear pulled to the side I don't stop Lando. I have a list as long as my arm to do today but I want this from Lando as much as he wants to give it.

"Please Lando, I need you" my words are all it takes to feel Lando's fingers tracing my slit and his tongue teasing my clit. He's holding me down with his spare hand leaving me a moaning mess on the bed underneath him.

"You two are so loud when you start" Liv says to me as we're stood in Lando's kitchen ready to leave and my cheeks heat up with embarrassment "it's a wonder that I'm the pregnant one not you"

"I'm so sorry. You didn't need to hear any of that" I would say it'll never happen again but I'm never going to be quiet when Lando is giving me multiple orgasms with his fingers and tongue alone.

"It's nice to see you so in love so I'm not going to complain just don't wake me up when you're so loud and we're good. Plus Lando had let us stay here so I can’t complain" Liv says with a laugh knowing I'm dying inside. We all know it happens but no one wants to hear anyone having sex.

"Are you okay driving? You know where we're going and I know you hate when I drive" I ask Lando as he joins us in the kitchen knowing how dramatic he is when I drive us anywhere.

"Yeah I'm driving. I don't think I'd survive a car journey in Monaco with you" rolling my eyes I hand Lando the keys to his Lamborghini Urus so we can all travel together.

"Okay drama queen. Liv are you both ready?" I ask picking my phone and bag up knowing we need to leave soon.

"Yeah we're both ready. I'm nervous to find out" Liv tells me as we walk to the car and I can only imagine how she feels.

"Do you want a boy or a girl?" I ask knowing everyone usually has a preference.

"I honestly don't think I'm bothered Lucía. I think I'll be happy with either but I know Max would love a boy but I think that's just a man thing isn't it? Did you look in the envelope?"

"Nope. I was tempted but then I changed my mind. I want to find out with you and Max" our conversation continues as Lando drives us through the streets of Monaco towards Monte Carlo golf club. I know Liv and Max are both confused as no one is dressed for golf and neither of the boys have their golf clubs.

"Are we playing golf mate? You could have said!" Max is gutted I can tell.

"Max he didn't know. I only told him when we left the apartment where we were going. He has no idea what I have planned" I can't let Max blame Lando for the lack of golf prep considering he didn't know. Today isn't about them playing a round of golf.

As Lando parks the car we pile out and into a golf cart. I may have had to pull the Alonso card and possibly the Lando card to pull this off but it's going to be worth it. The golf club have closed a section of the course for us that is out of everyone else's way. I want this to be about our friends, not people realising Lando is at the golf course.

"Why are you driving?" Lando asks expecting me to let him drive the golf cart "You're never allowed to drive when we're together"

"You drove here but now I'm the only one who knows where we need to be" I say with a shrug as I drive us around the course.

"This is almost criminal driving around the course and not playing a round of golf" Max complains as we pass every hole on the course.

"Max don't complain, you have no golf clubs with you. We're here for a purpose" I say pulling up to the quietest spot on the golf course where the team have absolutely nailed my vision in such a short space of time.

I didn't want anything too over the top but the small set up of a golf cart cut out, pink and blue balloons with a backdrop reading 'boy or girl with will our caddy be?' Is perfect. It's big enough for us to make a celebration but not too over the top when it's only the four of us here. The views behind us are incredible of the sea in the distance and the sun is shining.

"This is perfect! It looks so good! Lucía you've pulled this off to a point I didn't think you would! I was thinking just a balloon with confetti when I asked you to arrange something"

"Liv I've never done things by halves, I'm not about to start now" walking behind the back drop I grab the golf club that is now engraved with 'baby Fewtrell' handing it to Max "you have a few practice shots first then the golf ball printed with the baby footprints is the one that has coloured powder in it. I have my phone on the tripod recording, go ahead whenever you're both ready" leaving Max and Liv to have a few moments with each other I feel Lando wrap his arms around me from behind.

"You've done amazing to pull this off. It looks incredible, we're all lucky to have you in our lives you know that right?"

"I've only done what Liv would have done for me if it was the other way around. What do you think, boy or girl?" I turn my head to look at Lando as I'm stood in his arms. I know regardless he's going to be an amazing uncle. He's already amazing with Mila and Athena and they adore him.

"I think girl. I can see Max being a girl dad but I know he'd love a boy as well"

"I think boy but you know my thoughts on girls" I say with a laugh as we join Liv and Max who are ready for their moment.

"Go on mate it's your chance to shine" Lando tells Max as he lines up the ball. He takes a few practice swings away from the ball before getting into position with Liv by his side. As the golf club hits the 2 inch ball I scream with joy in Lando's arms as blue power explodes around us.

"No fucking way!" Max and Liv both shout as they embrace in a hug. Our best friends are having a baby boy!

"I'm so happy for you!" I say hugging Liv then Max once they pull away from each other.

"I wanted a boy so bad I didn't want to admit it. I almost convinced myself it was a girl so I wasn't disappointed if I ended up having a girl" Liv tells us as we take in the blue power spread across the green below us "honestly Lucía I'm so thankful you arranged this for us. It's been perfect. I can't wait to share the video with my mum"

“Her and Noah are going to be so happy” hugging Liv I try not to cry and ruin my makeup. I didn’t realise just how happy I could be for someone.

A few days later we’re in Austin and it’s media day. My time in Monaco has gone so quickly I almost don’t want to return to the UK after the race. Lando and I have fallen into a perfect routine together and call me insane but I could see myself living with him. I know I have to go home after this weekend as much as I don’t want to but right now I’m joining Lando for the interviews that are open to fans.

Standing at the back of the room I want to keep out of the way and let Lando’s fans get closer to the front but I still want to be here. I’m savouring every minute I have left with him and that means being by his side at all times except when he’s in the car. As the interviewer fires quick this or that questions at Lando one in particular catches my attention.

"Do you prefer blondes or brunettes?" The interviewer asks Lando oblivious to the fact I'm in the audience.

"Blondes" Lando says with a slight laugh barely able to get his words out before the crowd around me goes wild "my girlfriend is blonde and she's in the audience so I have to say blonde or she'll kill me" this is the first time Lando has said in public that he has a girlfriend which sends the audience into meltdown and I can't help but smile at him from my place at the back of the room. A few fans have realised I'm stood where I am and smile at me but my eyes are on the man at the front of the room. My man.

“And is it true your girlfriend is Fernando Alonso’s daughter?”

“Yeah it’s true, Lucía is Fernando’s daughter” I’m interested to see where this interview is going considering it’s taken a detour from rapid fire questions.

“How does he feel about you being in a relationship with his daughter?” Talk about digging for an exclusive! Lando already knows I’m happy for him to talk about me in public but I can tell by the look on his face he doesn’t want to give too much away. We’re both enjoying our relationship as it is and we don’t want anything to change.

“He’s happy for me. I think. He hasn’t pushed me off track yet which is a good thing I guess” Lando explains making the crowd in front of him laugh. He’s got them on a string. He could say anything and they’d believe him “I’ve known Fernando a long time and I’ve always looked up to him. Hopefully he knows by now I’m a good person and will always treat Lucía with the love and respect she deserves”

“You sound like the kind of guy every dad wants for their daughter”

“I have my flaws just ask Lucía she’ll give you a list” Lando says with a laugh as he winks at me. Never mind the audience being held on a string, the man has me hanging on his every word. As the interview wraps up Lando works his way around the room taking photos with the fans until he gets to me.

“I love you y’know”’ I say wrapping ay around Lando’s neck kissing him softly.

“I know and I love you”

landonorris

Like by esmelucia, mclaren and 785,993 others

landonorris LFG! Austin I’m coming for ya 🇺🇸

View all comments

esmelucia if anyone wondered what it's like to be on your knees for Lando its a similar view to this 🤤

↪️ landonorris seriously Lu 😅

↪️ esmelucia I'm so fucking horny

↪️ landonorris you're the only one

oscarpiastri I have a girlfriend and you two make me feel single

↪️ esmelucia sucks to be u

user93 Lando and Lucía quoting Sabrina Carpenter to each other is iconic!

↪️ user68 imagine the bed chem between them!

↪️ emselucia it's even better than in my head

↪️ user93 what an absolute queen!

• • •

This isn’t proof read and it’s shockingly bad but I’m sorry it’s taken forever for me to post. I’ve been so busy I haven’t had time to sit and write 🫣

[dyingstarsatdusk]

I've been wondering this for a while but

(and yes, I'm not considering the actual normal characters such as xie lian's mom and dad or anyone else. That just wouldn't be fun)

[toddtakefive]

thinking about todd and his resolve toward… not quite isolation, but being alone in a room full of people again. he goes along to the study room to sit on his own and do his homework, he sits at the poets table and follows along with what’s being said while keeping quiet, he goes to the meetings at all but doesn’t necessarily contribute (in fact, if you watch him when cameron is telling the story ‘from camp in sixth grade’, you can see that he recognizes it before any of the other poets but doesn’t voice it until they all have). he’s not alone, necessarily, if you want to get technical about it, he’s just lonely, and he’s generally okay with that. he doesn’t have friends and that’s fine, he doesn’t participate in class and that’s fine, he doesn’t have a relationship with his family and that’s fine—he could live without any real connection and he’d have been, more or less, fine.

the thing about when he says “i can take care of myself just fine!” is that he isn’t really wrong, you can infer that he’s been doing it his entire life anyway, it’s that ‘taking care of yourself’ isn’t the same thing as really living or being happy. todd’s an introvert, certainly, and even as he gets closer to the group he defaults to sitting quietly in the background, but he’s also denying himself community out of fear not introversion. todd isn’t friendless because he’s an introvert, although that definitely plays a part, he’s friendless because he pushes anyone that might want his company away. if anyone has every wanted for his attention in the first place. (neil’s unwavering interest in him is unique (even when it comes to the rest of the poets, who are fine with todd coming along and joining the group, but aren’t really hellbent on him being there in the beginning) and his refusal to accept it is a direct result of being so lonely growing up.)

there’s obviously something to be said about the implications of his parents neglect, and the more than likely fact that he grew up friendless, and how those both play a part in in him being so skilled at dodging social interaction/being so avoidant of it, but by the time we see him in the movie he’s all but accepted his fate as being alone his entire life. he’s already accepted being the family disappointment, and he’s already accepted he’ll never amount to anything, and he obviously doesn’t like it, but he’d have managed living with that knowledge without the confirmation that it was all wrong. would he have been miserable? almost certainly. but he’d have managed. he’d done it for that long already, anyhow.

[cowboy-robooty]

imma be so fr rn i think its homophobic when people are fine with yuri but go up in arms about yaoi. like seriously. because its so fucking stupid to act as though yuri is somehow less fetishistic than yaoi when legit the entire fetish appeal of lesbianism in yuri is the fact that its "so pure and untainted by men". Straight men who consume yuri love it because they have a thing for purity in a similar vein as straight women love yaoi for being guys "sinning" and shit. I think both of these sentiments are foul in their own respective ways and its plain ignorant to act as though the "purity" of yuri is made out of a respect for lesbians instead of fetishistic appeal. And dont get it twisted rn and think im saying yaoi and yuri both suck; you know i love both of these genres, but i can criticize it without saying the genre as a whole is some evil demon shit. Straight erotica also houses a plethora of problematic themes and sentiments because every genre is going to have issues, especially when its lewd content. Lewd content is made TO BE fetishistic because well... its lewd; the problems that arise are not black or white matters and I think that if people are willing to enjoy straight erotic manga critically but unwilling to give the same grace to yaoi or yuri then thats plain homophobic. Because when people act as though yaoi and yuri having these problems means that the genres as a whole are unsalvagable while straight erotica can still be excused, it implies that homosexuals are obligated to be BETTER than heterosexual content to be accepted. It creates this idea that homosexual content is somehow inherently more dirty and needs to make up for this fact by being morally superior in other ways. 50 shades of gray and twilight can exist with a littany of foul tropes and problematic themes that are completely put into a fetishistic light, and yes it recieves mockery and is called cringe (because it is), but how come thats all it gets while some yaoi has the same shit going on and is treated like the entire genre as a whole needs to be exterminated??????? nobody has ever said that all shitty novels made for lonely women need to be demolished because of twilight and 50 shades of gray, and anyone who has gets called out for their misogyny because its fucking stupid to act like an entire genre of content should be killed for some cringe loser shit being mixed in with it. All porn has problematic tropes, and its so homophobic to act like specifically the genre of gay men having sex is the most egregious offender of these tropes while passing off yuri as fine because the problematic tropes it houses feed into the idea of purity.

Like oh my god, the majority of yuri is not made for lesbians. Even though it is made by women, these women are not fucking queer women. They're straight women who are feeding into the misogynistic ideals of pure, feminine women remaining pure and feminine by keeping untainted by men while exploring eachothers bodies. thats why yaoi and yuris problems mirror eachother in that you see an abundance of heteronormativity in yaoi (big semes, small ukes; with the smaller feminine one being lured into a tainted world of sin by being gay or whatever) while yuri has the opposite problem with a lack of body diversity because it focuses on ideal feminine ladies remaining untouched by "sin" by only touching eachother. Why do you think that around the same time yaoi was full of shit like junjou romantica bullshit yuri was also notorious for being boring as hell with two girls thats have no personalities making out together? Because BOTH of these genres had these issues much more severely in the 2000s-2010s. Yaoi was too crazy with that sinning fetish while Yuri was too boring with that purity fetish. Its also so stupid when people keep using examples from that era of yaoi as evidence that western mlm work is sooooo much better and superior compared to the entire fucking genre because its comparing shit from ten years ago to shit made now. Idk if you remember but literally ten years ago pedo bear was a normal thing that was goddamn EVERYWHERE online. Culture changes and i can assure you western gay media was not so squeaky clean during that time either; but this is a whole 'nother enchilada to be devoured another time.

Anyways in short; its homophobic as hell if you embrace yuri but shun yaoi. All you're doing is showing you have a fundamental lack of understanding concerning the roots of yuri and who yuri is actually made for. You're acting like gay men having sex is inherently "dirtier" than straight people having sex and that they need to compensate by being more morally righteous. I'm not saying that the different problematic tropes found in each type of erotica is good and shouldn't be changed, but its homophobic to excuse straight porn while refusing that same grace to yaoi. And it disgusts me seeing people continue to perpetuate the sentiment of gay men being seen as sin and lesbian women being seen as pure (in an almost baby-fying way) only wrapped up in a new convoluted form of packaging while acting like theyre protecting homosexuals.

[adhd-merlin]

x

[snekdood]

i dont think I should have to explain how it's fucked up to tell someone with bpd, someone with an already unstable sense of self, that they're not themself and try to insist you're them instead. I feel like that's pretty self explanatory actually

[criscura]

I wish I wasn't so exhausted and I could make more art.... I even planned out a whole prompt-a-day month for Saigenos/Genosai, TWICE, but the first time no one seemed like they could participate when I asked about it, and the second time I friggin lost the damned plan. I could remake it a third time, but I just....I don't know.

I've been really struggling to get along for a while, and I think if it didn't hit it off--or even if I just got really productive and it seemed like I was reaching crickets--I'd be so incredibly discouraged that it would bring me down even further. It usually takes my stuff a few months to a year to get reach, and that really doesn't do anything for me when I need the support immediately.

It's not that I don't have a billion ideas for so many different things, but my battery has been taking longer and longer to charge up and it's been running out faster and faster, and it's been like this for....a year?? Ish?? Maybe longer, I don't know.

I wish I could just stop needing so much fucking time to bounce back.....

[get-more-bald]

the fuck do you mean I have to leave....

[butnotbubblegum]

Thinking a lot recently about the fact that within a wider group of friends there will be people you don’t like. And this is fine and normal and you just get on with them because that’s what you do. But when it happens in a smaller group which is tighter knit, what do you do then? If you try and do the same it comes across weirdly. Because the level of closeness with the rest of the group is on average higher than in a big group.

[daddysropepuppy]

tell us about what makes tentacles so hot for you. what fantasies are running through that perverted head of yours?

i just think that they're hella versatile so whatever you want in the moment they can do . like the tentacles can restrain you, explore your body, overstimulate you, turn you into a mindless fuck toy, etc .

i think my current fave tentacle fantasy is a tentacle monster sneaking into my room while im sleeping n gently exploring my body until it finds the holes it wants to enter n then it like secretes an aphrodisiac or something that wakes me up . it'll start fucking me n playing w my clit n nipples . it'll use its other tentacles to move me around to put me in the position it wants me in n i'll just be helpless to it, getting so much pleasure from the monster

[aroacedavestrider]

jump off a cliff

hi Roxy Trans Woman Anon. unfortunately i live in ohio and as such its flat as fuck here so if you really truly want me to do that then you gotta buy me a plane ticket to somewhere with mountains. if you dont have the cash then get to finding it girlboss !! that coin wont bag itself !!! xoxo

[angorwhosebabyisthis]

five is gay and arospec thank you for coming to my ted talk