#and figured out it is not as cis as they thought and in reality doesn't really perceive himself as having any binary gender | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

physicsfox7 · 11 months

Text

I was just about to go to bed. I was thinking about all the time ive spent the last few weeks with my friends. We talk, we play games together, we stream, we watch videos and trade stupid memes. We support each other. Then I had a realization.

A bit of backstory first, for anyone who doesn't know (how could you not? I never shut up). Growing up, my dad worked all the time to provide for us, so I spent all of my time with my mother and sister. Over time, this developed in to "I dont know how to interact with guys." I mean, I do. Now. As long as its not the hypertoxic, hyper masculine nightmare that I have abhored since I was young.

I have always hung out with girls. In school, 4 of my closest friends were girls. I was always surrounded by a group of girls. I'd rather sit with them. Yeah, I know they can be toxic and vicious and gross too. But for whatever reason, I can talk to girls in a way that I can't talk to guys. (There are always exceptions to the rule, and yes, a couple of my dearest friends are guys, and we can vibe)

Anyway, on to my realization. A large portion of my friends are trans. There is an inside joke about this that is way too funny, and I still giggle when I think about it. Some of my friends I knew before they figured out that they are trans, some I met just after, and some have been on HRT for a time.

I have surrounded myself with people who have every right to be angry, to hurt others, to hate the world. Not for who they are, but for how they are perceived and treated. What the US government is doing might be the most disgusting thing I have heard about since the 1930s. My friends have been spat on, they cant go outside as themselves, some have been verbally and physically attacked. And every other trans person has to live woth that thought every day. They have every right in the world to want to destroy people like me. Cis, White, American males who have grown up knowing little to no hardship (I do whine a lot, but that's for the other bits of my blog) and being happy and comfortabla and feeling at home in my skin.

But they don't. They aren't mean. They are warm, and genuine, and wholesome, and caring, and doting, and loving. Every single trans person I know, without fail, is a lovely human being.

From personal experience alone, they have gone out of their way to make me feel included, and important. They help me when I need help, they spend time with me, they do things that I'm interested in and talk about my topics of interest. They support me in new and ever expanding ways. And they're happy to do it. Its not false, they aren't trying to get something out of it. In all reality, I dont have a lot to offer and I'm pretty clear about that when I start talking to new people.

They are just kind. I can't say for sure why that is, but I strongly suspect they get up every day and see the hatred aimed at them and consciously decide to be a positive force in the universe, even when they're being beaten down.

I am awe inspired. I want to be a better person and a better friend because my friends are so good to me. And frankly, I dont deserve them.

I was a terrible fucking person just 5 or 6 years ago. All the usual tropes apply, I'm not going into it here. If you care enough ask in the comments.

But for all of that, and yes, I have talked with each of them about what a PoS I was, they still show me love and kindness. I dont deserve friends like that, but I will forever try to earn the love and respect they have shown me.

Please, if you can, please hug your trans friend for me today. Because none of mine are close enough, and the only thing I want in this world is to show them that they are genuinely loved. And who doesn't like hugs?

Growing up, I had friends. Who doesn't? Some were good, some were better, some were bad. But what I never had was a family. And that's exactly what this is. I hate calling it a found family, because I didn't "find" them, they saved me. We are together, as a cooperative group for the betterment of each other and the world around us.

I will endeavor every single day to make the world around me better, and try to show the genuine compassion and caring my family has shown me, to others.

That joke? My handle across every single platform is Fox, in one manner or another. I have adopted it, and for all intents and purposes it is me. Foxes like eggs. Its a small thing, but when my friend said it to me, I thought my heart exploded. I was allowed to be included. I am included, I'm not secondary or tertiary, I'm not on the sidelines. I may forever be the wallflower of the family, the one who is willing to walk behind everyone else because the sidewalk isnt wide enough, but I will forever sleep better because you let me be part of the family.

I have unconsciously surrounded myself with people who will show me patience and kindness, compassion and love. I might not have gotten enough of that growing up and that's why I searched it out. But I have found the place I belong, and it's only fair that everyone else does too.

I say this all the time, but I hope its not too old. Thank you for letting me be a part of your lives, letting yourself be shared with me. I love you so dearly (this goes for all of my family and friends, but i bet you already knew that) that my heart feels it might burst.

And seriously, go hug your trans friend today. Just pick one, give them a warm, attentive hug, and when you pull apart, tell them you love them. Dont ever stop telling your friends you love them.

I generally dont farm interactions, it feels cheap. I mean this with all sincerity: tell me about your trans friend in the comments. I dont care if its one sentence or one thousand, I want to hear something you love about them.

So for once, new rule: do interact, do comment and repost. I want to hear about them.

💚

#actually autistic #transgender #trans rights #wholesome #found family #appreciation post #thankful #i finally feel like i belong #long post #hugs and kisses #stronger with support #support

16 notes · View notes

roxannepolice · 1 year

Note

7 & 18 for the choose violence ask meme? :D

7. what character did you begin to hate not because of canon but because how how the fandom acts about them? Hate is a big word and it really doesn't make me happy to complain about Chibnall Who three times a day, but unfortunately the answer is Thirteen. Of course, it all kicked off with people being extermely fragile and pearl clutchy about how the Doctor being a woman will somehow change the very core of the character, but those takes were simply a block and filter flag for me, so it is easy to ignore them. But then the canon turned out to be what it was and, extremely controversial opinion, "just poorly written" isn't an excuse for a character only best possible reason to criticise them. Still, if we are just in the canon my attitude towards Thirteen is warm rather than cold! I'm absolutely not in any "not mah doctor" club, she's likeable and has some amazing moments (much as I hate TTC, her confrontation with Tecteun is genuinely good). But making her out to be the bestest regeneration evah, and her relationship with Yaz the hottest romance in the show's history, and you just have to abandon all of the (insert long adjective from critical theory of the day) ways of assessing fiction to appreciate how subtly ingenious the writing is, and her bs moral compass is actually heading somewhere (argument persisting even after she regenerated), and she's clearly thought from the beginning to be the Doctor that abandoned all hope (fun fact: her theme is based on Luke Skywalker's, as in having A New Hope written all over it), and if I, a cis woman, can't see how brilliant a character she is, then clearly I'm a class gender traitor - yeah, fandom really wants me to dislike her. And then one day I saw a set juxtaposing Ten sweettalking the Master in Eot with Thirteen's I aM sO MuCh mORe THan yOU that had a comment about how it's good we have a representation of "softer" male characters and "tougher" female ones and I just thought Huh. So you're telling me the core of the chacter did change along with gender?...

I should add, though: in the one piece of media that has Whittaker as Thirteen but no Chibnall that got released til now, the game Edge of Reality, she's really, really good! Just to be clear, the game itself is an absolute disaster gaming-wise, but the story is really something I want to consider a valid part of EU. It just... feels like the writers wrote it for any Doctor and tweaked it to fit in Thirteen's individual quirks, rather than starting from the quirks and then making a DW story out of them. And, since it also features Ten (whose ass you chase with the sonic. yes, I believe the Master was involved in the development), it answers the biggest question of all: yes, River would be very excited about her spouse being a woman now :3

18. it's absolutely criminal that the fandom has been sleeping on... CATMASTER!!! This isn't completely slept on, but there can never be enough Catmaster! Specifically the machnics of how the cheetah virus somehow stayed in their biodata and every Master after Ainley is literally a biological cat to some extent! And I guess I should finish the Chibnall negativity by praising bringing this up in canon again! The day the Doctor figures out they just need a laser pointer in the sonic can never come soon enough

#ask game #thank you this is fun!#sorry for taking sometime to answer but as i wrote i treat this a warm up for *serious* writng

8 notes · View notes

soundsliketeenspirit · 2 years

Text

╰ cis woman , she/her/hers☆𝐎 𝐍 𝐂 𝐄 𝐔 𝐏 𝐎 𝐍 𝐀 𝐓 𝐈 𝐌 𝐄 … we’re introduced to MOTO NATSUMI , the TWENTY-FOUR years old SPA ATTENDANT at SPIRITED TIME AWAY from enchanted falls who bears a striking resemblance to TSUNEMATSU YURI. the whispers in the wind tells us of their INTELLIGENT and COLD reputation, that’s why the townsfolk often are reminded of the samsung billboard obscuring the duomo di milano , the cold gaze of an arctic fox in the snow, reckless palimpsests obfuscating sacred texts, and train tickets to nowhere . they are often haunted by dreams of a life lived as LIN ( spirited away ) .

tw: dreamcore, unreality

i . statistics

surname : moto

firstname: natsumi

age : 24

gender : cis woman

pronouns : she/her/hers

occupation : spa attendant @ spirited time away

alignment: true neutral / neutral good

ii . in the present

look, natsumi didn't want to be a spa attendant. that wasn't her dream job. when she was a little kid, she didn't cry into her mom's apron in the kitchen and say "i can't wait to become a spa attendant, mama." she said something else... but she can't remember what that else is.

lately, she's felt like her head is full of stuffing, cotton, something -- she feels like she can't think - she can't dream, she can't smell. she feels like she's moving in slow motion, like she's watching herself move from outside her body. she doesn't know. she feels like she isn't in control.

iii . in dreams

you'd expect her to have it figured out in her dreams -- but she doesn't. in her dreams, she's just as lost as she is in real life. if anything -- she hates her dreams because they make her feel like she's stuck in reality. her dreams are just like her real life. she's working at some random spa - at least, it feels like a spa - and she hates her boss - just like her real life - but it's not her real life.

and maybe that's the worst part.

because if everything was just like reality, if everything wasn't strange, then she could forget the dreams. like a boring text, or a spam email. something that comes onto the radar and then drifts away. without a second thought.

but those dreams aren't reality.

she's not at spirited time away; she's somewhere... else. she's not herself; she's someone else.

but that someone else isn't even herself.

and maybe that's the worst part.

#tw dreamcore #tw unreality #tfw you have dreams that youre in another reality but in those dreams ur also separated from ur own reality #it happens to the best of us #𝘢𝘭𝘭 𝘪 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘪𝘴 𝙢𝙚 #ef.intro

1 note · View note

dostoevskybignaturals · 1 month

Text

i hate feelings because i have to feel them

this morning, after i responded to my mom's texts in defense of her support for trump, a dove crashed into our balcony door. it was fine. it sat on the rail for a moment and then flew off. about a half hour later another dove crashed into the balcony door again. this one was also fine, sitting in almost the same spot as the first dove on the rail before flying off.

i pay attention to omens like that. i looked up what it could mean and there were some sources that said doves can represent spreading your wings and taking flight, and birds crashing into your window but flying away unscathed can mean ending negative cycles to embrace positive change. a friend confirmed this when they said that both of these birds represent my relationship with my parents.

i feel like this is an uncomfortable time where i'm finally being honest with myself about how my mom's choices have effected my mental health. i don't think she's a bad mom, per se. i think she's done fucked up shit, and she's mostly owned up to it. but i've also not exercised boundaries with her very often or very firmly, and it's time i acknowledge that she's ignored them before. i know she doesn't mean to hurt me, but she has. i need to stop tip-toeing around her and be honest about this. it's been a long time coming.

she used to cry a lot. she tried to hide it usually. i remember a lot of tearful "family meetings" where my mom tried addressing my dad's behavior but it always turned into an argument with me in the middle. i learned to be cautious about my behavior and communication because i didn't want to make things worse. i thought that i could avoid my dad's unpredictable moods by being well-behaved. and if he was in a good mood then my mom would be happy too. they never made me feel as if it was my responsibility to support them emotionally, but i was an only child and i didn't have many friends. for years, it was as though my only relationships were with my mom and dad. i called her my best friend for most of my life.

we converted to catholicism when i was nine years old. she thought that religion might convince my dad to be kinder and gentler. i was not welcomed by the community there. i was excluded by the other kids because i was a convert, i guess. my mom homeschooled me with a catholic program for two years. i was taught that god could read my thoughts and that even thinking about sinning was just as bad as sinning. i beat myself up for my intrusive thoughts. i was taught that the pain i endured as a girl was deserved, a debt incurred by eve that i could never repay. my mom made me stand with her outside of an abortion clinic and pray. i remember someone drove up to us and said we were doing something bad. i didn't understand at the time. my mom voted for bush around that time because she thought he would ban abortion.

i know for some time she looked for religion elsewhere and she voted democrat. but she would make off-hand racist comments often. i don't know that they're any different from someone of her generation. she taught me tarot reading and astrology. i don't think she ever understood how much christianity fucked me up. she still apologizes for not leaving my dad sooner, but i don't think she understands how much her christianity instilled me with deep shame and fear long before i ever knew i was queer. it didn't help that she would always say bisexuals are just slutty because they're willing to do it with anyone. it didn't help that she invalidated me the first time i tried to communicate with her that i wasn't a cis woman.

she defined my sense of reality for so long. that ended a long time ago. i don't know what i was hoping for. maybe some part of me hoped that she was right and that i had nothing to worry about regarding my right to exist in america. but her perspective will always be that of a white woman in her 60s. i have always had to figure out my own way. it's my hope that i can do so now with complete confidence.

i can acknowledge that right wing politics preys on the vulnerabilities of her generation. but also i need to acknowledge that she's the kind of person who can't see beyond her own perspective. how much empathy did she really have for my autistic immigrant father?

even today she continues to be dismissive of my feelings. she has recently called me sensitive, asked me to explain my perspective on things but did not take it to heart. i can only believe that her love for me is genuine, and maybe i'm wasting my breath, but i'm not holding my tongue to protect her feelings when she so blatantly disregards mine.

0 notes

burning-sol · 1 month

Text

Just. Talking under the cut.

Yesterday was weird. I keep going back on my thoughts unable to parse what is reality and what isn't and questioning whether what I did was reasonable. In hindsight, I do think it was right for me to feel gaslit. There were so many things that were off but I was scared and I couldn't say it where more than friends could hear.

It's weird to tell someone who's expressing that something was transphobic that "no it wasn't, actually it was very supportive!" And then you go on to talk about if I don't agree with the thing in question being accurate to trans women's experiencing, then I should read a comic called "gaslighting" where the trans character is being told by the other that what they experienced didn't happen.. That's obviously meant to be a parallel to me. And then when I feel provoked and point out how I feel like *I'm* being gaslit, I'm shut down.

I start getting picked apart for things like the fact I wrote transwomen as one word, I get told I'm transmisogynistic for treating the other in a way that wouldn't have been different if it were any other person, later I'm told that my figurative language of feeling "talked over" isn't literal for therefore I'm wrong, I'm told that my comic where there's TWO transfem characters where only one of them is behaving aggressively is transmisogynistic because I portrayed how I felt the interaction happened. There was also a post made where I think it was implied that I'm TME, which is transphobic to assume of strangers on the internet who you don't have any insight to the experiences of.

This might seem over dramatic but, being a victim of emotional abuse including repeated gaslighting, I feel like this experience of being undermined was something I accurately described in the words I did.

Also, there was a comment about how the other did not have the means to suppress my point of view... The individual in question stated she was a friend to a large blogger who has infinitely more reach than me. If the blogger hadn't been understanding and courteous to me, I could very much be harassed into silence. And as I've said before, I am a victim of gaslighting and emotional abuse as well as being psychotic, so I have struggles with recognising reality and am prone to letting others talk over me or insisting they know my reality better than I do. Most people around me, even if they don't realise, have more power over me than I like to think about.

I think there's also an unwillingness to realise that you DO have certain privileges that extend over me when it comes to being trans:

- As a closeted/non-transitioned trans person, there are situations where I may be talked over and excluded by other members of the community because I'm seen as not being trans enough or not trans yet.

- As a nonbinary trans person, people with binary (I know the term is flawed but please don't twist me words here) transitions may be considered the more "normal" trans person.

- As a fem presenting trans with masculine pronouns, evidently, others are always prone to making incorrect assumptions about me in both my offline and my online life, and then criticised because it's "too complicated to understand" compared to binary trans people.

I don't think I have it "harder" or "easier" than trans women, because certain experiences are too different to be comparable and changes from a case-to-case basis. One day, I might be praised for being cis unlike trans women because that's how I'm being percieved, another day, I might be insulted because I'm such a "clockable" tranny because that's how I'm being percieved. This is why I emphasise how weird it is to be marked as TME by someone who doesn't know me.

The entire exchange made me feel incredibly unsafe in my own community. If others can feel entitled to shut me down when I try to express I've been hurt by something I saw as transphobic, if people are allowed to label me as a transmisogynist because I was critical of them the exact same I would be of any other person.. I don't feel like there is room for me here. Or anywhere.

And to get personal, a part of why this entire thing was so triggering is specifically because I've been gaslit about my gender identity before. Like, this whole debacle just affirms my fears I should have never expected to feel accepted by the community, because it's not even real. I'm not real. How dare I say I'm trans and speak about trans things when I'm clearly not?

For the record, I don't think this person was "hysterical" or any other similarly disparaging words? I said what I said. I said she derailed the conversation, I said if felt like she was gaslighting me, I said it felt like she was impatient, I said it felt like she was speaking for someone else: it felt dismissive and even emotionally abusive. If I accept that what I did was entirely transmisogynistic and how dare I say ANY of it- that kind of mentality is the exact shit that's going to get me put in an abusive relationship again.

"How dare you complain that you felt gaslit by me, that's transmisogynistic!" <- If I internalise this then any abuser that comes along can exploit this critcism of my "morals" to shut me down, which is also very very vile to me having traits of moral OCD.

Just.. I don't know how to conclude this post. I'm hurt and I'm sad and I've struggling with my psychosis and considering just stopping calling myself trans all day. I just hope that this makes sense and it might be helpful to others if you've experienced something similar. Idk.

#📚 my posts #📌 thoughts #not rebloggable for obvious reasons #cw gaslighting #cw emotional abuse #cw abuse mention #cw transphobia #cw enbyphobia

1 note · View note

the-missann · 1 year

Text

I just really don't have anyone to talk to about this stuff, so I figured to share it here and just get it out there 😅

Long post inbound

Original Ideas

1. The Dark Moon

I wrote around three chapters for this already, but nothing more.

Following an aristocrat in the gothic era named Vusha, he is searching for someone who can cure an ailment of his. He goes through several wives, all of who do not resolve his issue. Yet, on his most recent courting, this woman seems to know everything about his ailment and even scoffs in the face of the danger it may bring her.

Excerpt:

"Who are you?" Vusha yelled while holding Cassie in his arms.

Her limp body fell against his and Vusha only hoped she was still alive. His grip on her limp body only got tighter as he hoped she would awaken soon.

The figure in front of him didn't appear as any man Vusha ever saw. His skin was pale and the unkempt bang of hair rested right over his eye hiding most his face, but Vusha couldn't shake the animalistic feeling he had. Almost as if the person in front of him were like himself.

"Cassie... what's she gotten herself into this time?"

"Who are you!" Vusha repeated his earlier question, this time with a more stern voice.

The pale figure looked at him. "I'm Curil and I need to see her."

Vusha's grip on her only tightened and he pushed further away from Curil, desperately keeping Cassie away from him.

"Why would I relinquish her to someone who hasn't explained their purpose here?"

"I'm not taking her." Curil began calmly. "I need to be sure she's not dead as it is not her time yet."

Vusha's brows furrowed. "What?"

"With your affliction--as well as what you know to be true in your reality--I trust you'll believe me when I say I am a Grim Reaper."

Examining his features, Vusha couldn't help but feel this was the truth. Unlike the images of skeletal figures in dark robes, this man just looked undead. Like life had never graced him and death was all he knew.

Vusha eased a bit. "I thought reapers were to show when someone's time is nigh?"

"Not in her case." Curil walked over and crouched, he maintained a distance however. "This young woman is afflicted--much like yourself--only in her case with something she cannot hope to control. This woman doesn't have a guardian angel, she has me to watch over her."

Vusha felt his ears deceived him. He looked at Curil's stern face and found no falsehood on him or within his voice. Vusha looked down to Cassie, seeing her soundly resting in his arms. Curiosity overtook him and he spoke up.

"Why would she have a reaper guarding her?"

"Because, it is my job to be sure she only perishes the way she's supposed to. An angel would protect her from the harm itself, but the danger she attracts will find her one way or another." Curil paused. "Now, will you let me see her?"

Vusha groaned softly. He didn't want to just hand Cassie over, not knowing if Curil could be trusted or not, but it seemed too far-fetched to be a lie.

Vusha glared at Curil and gently rested Cassie onto the ground, he stayed between them....

2. Orange Perfect

This is a SUPER old idea that's complete but not edited for reading. I recently got back into it, not fully, but I came up with something I found interesting.

I try to have as much representation in my stories as humanly possible and wanted an internal struggle with a young man coming to terms with his sexuality. I'll say right now that as a cis het woman, I cannot portray it exactly, but I did my best and I hope not to downplay any real struggles associated.

The story is basically a coming of age for three characters: my MC Cassie, (she's usually my MC), and my two secondary MCs Shay and Lucius. They each struggle with different issues, but they help each other come to terms with their changing world.

Excerpt (aka the part I was gonna add):

"I don't know." Shay began. "I guess I don't know what I want anymore... how to feel... or what I should be feeling."

Cassie listened to him and said nothing, she remained looking at him and spoke after a second of silence.

"Maybe... It's not that you don't know, but you don't wanna say it?"

Shay looked at Cassie and seeing her expression, he scoffed and shook his head.

"You know, you're really easy to read and I'm not gay." His eyes rolled in annoyance.

"No one said you were. Maybe, you just don't feel comfortable in a certain role you have... well, a role you feel like you have to fulfill." Cassie paused with a sigh. "And anyways, no matter what's true about you, that's not a bad thing. You're you and every little thing that goes into making that--who you are--is beautiful, no matter what it is or who has something to say about it."

Shay scoffed. "Even if it was true, what do you know about anything like that? You, a girl, who's okay with being one."

Cassie's head shook. "Who said that?"

Shay narrowed his eyes. "It's obvious."

"Yeah, maybe because otherwise no one would care to put up with me." Cassie looked off. "I won't say how I feel is comparable by any means, but it's no less valid." Cassie gripped her hands together as she spoke. "When you feel like a girl, but have dreams people say are for boys... it gets to you. You don't know who would even want to deal with you and you change to fit one mold, but it... It never quite feels right."

Shay swallowed hard before saying, "is that why... you liked Lucius?"

Cassie hid her face. "Yeah." Taking a sharp breath, it seemed like she wasn't going to say anything else...

3. Manifested Malevolence

This is a somewhat old story I just never got around to finishing. It has ~10k and I do have the whole thing planned, but I'm kind of lazy when I have no motivation 😅

So, it's a dystopia where my two MCs, Curil and Cassie, run into each other. Hoping to work together, Curil finds it hard to simply trust her right away, especially with all the strange happenings that only occured when they ran into each other.

Excerpt:

Curil turned back as he supported her escape out the window. With the water gushing, his gaze snapped back. The pipes were bursting in other places and he couldn't tell how many more would burst, so they needed to move and move fast.

Curil returned to looking at Cassie and she had gotten mostly out of the way, so Curil hurried himself to the window sil and stood up pressing his back tightly against the outside wall of the building.

Cassie was just standing there, unable to move any further. She was gripping the wall tightly and made no effort to even open her eyes. Curil tried to look past her and saw there was another building right beside the one that was currently filling with water. He knew Cassie wasn't going to open her eyes, so he just spoke.

"Okay, Cassie?" She shook her head. "Just listen to me. There's a building we might be safe in, so let's go there."

Cassie said nothing and just remained holding tightly to the wall.

Curil sighed. "Cassie, come on, I know you can do this! All you have to do is move to your left." Curil began to hear the water pouring out of the windows. When he looked back, Cassie was slightly moving. "Good job Cassie!"

He encouraged her and started to move himself. He got close enough to her and kept giving her words of encouragement. Soon, they reached the edge of the building and when Cassie's hand felt the corner she let out a gasp and opened her eyes.

"W-where do I go!" Her voice shook.

"Relax, Cassie, you might fall and you don't want that do you?" Her head shook furiously. "Okay then, I saw a balcony on the edge of that building. Do you see it?"

She nodded. "Y-yeah, I s-see that."

"Okay, think you can jump to it?"

"J-jump to it?" She shook her head. "No, I can't do that!"

"Cassie, come on! I know you can and being out here is dangerous! Just try it, we should be close enough to do so."

Cassie remained against the wall, unmoving. Curil looked back, seeing more water pouring out of the window. He looked back to Cassie and saw her still standing there. Curil didn't know what else he could do.

"Forget it... This is why I was better alone."

Curil mumbled that and started to sidle against the wall the other way, he figured he'd find something else he could climb down on.

Cassie's breath turned ragged and she tried to speak. Not only did the wind take her breath away, her throat was horse. Cassie looked back to the balcony and took a deep breath. She shut her eyes tight and took yet another breath.

"It's okay... it's okay... it's okay... it's... okay!" Cassie pushed herself off the building and screamed as she fell to the balcony.

When she landed, she roughly tumbled before slamming into the other side of the balcony wall.

Groaning, she just lay barely moving on the floor...

4. Siren's Call

I just fell in love with a character I made and wanted to work on this sequel ☺

I don't wanna spoil anything in case I ever decide to post the 1st story. Lmk, if you're interested, it's actually done, but I'm finishing some beta reader edits.

So, in the previous story, an event took place and things are a little different than usual, mainly that Demons seem to be the ones trying to help Humans.

Excerpt:

"This world makes it so individuals are less intelligent because they lack education thanks to a worthless currency. Regardless of it's value, nothing can beat the desire for knowledge."

"But you're a teacher," Akuma said with a smirk.

"I can do very little to change the institutions already agreed upon--or shall I say unchallenged?--that is why I give free lessons and dedicate my time to students who want to pursue higher forms of education, not just this corporate cash grab sullying the pursuit of knowledge."

"So, with talk like that, you're not worried about someone thinking your a Demon?"

He scoffed. "Even if they did, Humans perceive what they want to, not what's actual fact. So if I appear to be a Demon, only those who want to see me as one will. I could bear down my dark attachments, lose the soul in my eyes and some will still advocate for me. That is the nature of Humans."

Dia may have looked different, but he still was the same Demon he always was.

"I guess I see what you mean... But, why are you here?" Akuma asked.

"Isn't it obvious? To protect Cassie's interest. Not many have it in mind and I'll be dammed it I allow another tragedy to happen while I'm alive."

I also drew for a lot of some of my other stories! Many of my characters have finalized designs and I love how they came out!

Fanfiction

1. The Tangled Choice

Fandom: Ace Attorney

So, I wrote three stories about Van Zieks 'cause I got obsessed with him after DGS.

Also, I'll just put a *Spoiler Warning* in case you didn't play the games. I don't really spoil anything, but just in case, feel free to skip this one.

I really like his solo stories, but I also like this one too!

This story is a love triangle between my OC/MC Cassie, Van Zieks and Asogi. I always love the "gentlemen duel" where two individuals work for the heart of the one they love. Cassie is ditzy in this story and doesn't even realize they're fighting over her, so it's now two tasks instead of one.

Excerpt:

Cassie nodded. "I did get a bit carried away, that's like me though."

Barok smiled a bit. "That it is."

Asogi then stood up. "Since it's late, I'll accompany her back home."

Barok just looked at the him without a word. It was more of a scowl than anything.

"Oh, thank you! I know Barok may have work he must see to, so I apologize for taking up your time." She got up. "Actually, I didn't ask how you two know each other."

Asogi smiled. "Perhaps I can inform you on the walk home?"

She giggled. "Sounds wonderful."

"Then we shall see to it... but, do you mind if me and Lord Van Zieks speak for a moment?"

"It's no problem. I'm fine waiting since you both were so generous to me." They both chuckled as she got up and walked to the door. "Have a good night Barok!"

"You as well and please get some rest."

"I certainly will, you don't have to worry." Cassie then opened the door and left.

Once the door shut, the air of pleasantries left with Cassie, leaving a stale more hardened feel in the room.

Asogi spoke up. "I would love to ask about your relationship, but I'm sure you would want to ask the same of me."

"You're correct." Van Zieks stated. "However, Cassie may not answer the same as you. So, what is your relationship?"

Asogi let out a sigh. "There's no use in dancing around, I happen to cherish Cassie. She is a very wonderful woman and I would hate to see her with a frown on her face."

Barok nodded. "Then we're the same."

"Now I'll ask, what's the nature of your relationship? How does Cassie view it?"

"Purely platonic." Barok was quick to answer. "Cassie is a very close friend, introduced through a mutual of ours. I relied on her for the better part of a year. I wouldn't want to see her life without fortune and happiness."

"We truly are the same then." It seemed Asogi was going to leave it there, but he took a sharp breath. "So, how are we to go about this? I have no intention of just letting her slip out of my hands."

"Neither do I." They sat stiff for a moment. "How about this, we let Cassie choose." Barok proposed. "Whoever she feels strongest towards is the one who takes her heart, no question about it."

"You two have known each other longer. What chance do I have?"

"I'm fine with pampering her, even expressing our feelings outright," Barok said, "it would actually be very hard for me not to pamper her."

"Is that so? Well, I agree with the terms. Whatever becomes of our advances shall not be met with malice, however, and we shouldn't make things hard on her. Let's not fight amongst ourselves." Asogi added.

"I agree. This is for Cassie after all."

"Indeed."

With that, it settled their conditions with little to no argument. Thus began the length of their efforts to court their unrequited love in a Tangled Choice...

Untitled One Piece Fanfiction

Fandom: ^

When I was a kid, I was obsessed with Law from One Piece and wrote nearly ten fics for him. One in particular was really good (for a 13 year old) and I decided to revise it to meet my standards now.

Excerpt: “We have no food!” Cassie complained with a tone almost as if a Warlord were right in front of them.

Law sighed, knowing she had nothing important to tell him. “Who cares? Can’t you find something to make like you always do?”

“That’s the problem, I’m really hungry right now and there’s nothing for me to cook!”

Once more, he sighed. This time, he got up and stood in front of her. “We’re coming up on an island, just wait and you can go shopping later.”

She huffed. “Can I buy whatever I want?”

Despite only knowing her for a few weeks, those words made him pause. Law knew she could easily spend more than a thousand Berri just from a trip to the market alone, he learned that the hard way and felt like he couldn’t let it happen again.

“I’m going with you then.”

She giggled. “Good! That means I can buy lots of stuff and you can carry it for me.”

“Really? Is that something you should be saying so easily around me?”

She gave a slight shrug. “What difference would it make? Aren’t you smart enough to see through my plans regardless?” Law felt his mouth turn up in a bitter smirk and Cassie already turned to head out of the room. “I’ll be ready once we dock!”

Without any confirmation on his end, Cassie was out of the room and left Law as he once was. Law now needed to focus on a different task—being sure they wouldn’t lose more money than they had. He softly shook his head and returned to his desk.

Law considered this woman as someone who was flagrantly carefree. Nothing seemed to ever bother her and she adapted to the crew quickly. In her few weeks with them, she easily made friends with almost everyone; similarly she had gotten comfortable enough to speak with Law as if he were nothing more than a colleague and not her captain.

There wasn’t much time between their arrival at the island—not like he led on—and this was only confirmed when he heard a ruckus above him on the deck of the ship. He was quick to check it out and once he reached the outside, he saw Cassie nearly falling off the rail of the submarine as she impatiently waited for them to dock.

“Cassie!” She turned to see Law. “It’ll be your own death if you fall off.”

She snickered. “You act like that matters, I can save myself!” With that, she stood up on the railing. “Maybe if we could dock faster, I wouldn’t be so impatient.” From her body came large green vines and they fell into the water. She descended on her below Law’s sight.

He walked to the edge and found her casually resting on a makeshift raft from the vines that came from her. With one vine anchored to the submarine, she looked up to him.

“Come on, we can leave and let Bepo safely dock the sub.”

“Or—” Law’s finger rose and before Cassie knew it, she was back on the submarine’s deck. She collapsed on her back from the sudden shift. “You could learn to wait.”

Frowning, she got up; her arms were crossed, but Law saw the vines retracting back into her body.

“Fine, whatever.”

With her calmed, he returned to the interior of the submarine hoping to get a budget in place before they arrived...

Untitled Obey Me! Fanfic

Fandom: ^

Soooooo it's no secret that I love Levi from OM! However, I since I'm a lot older I didn't think writing a fanfic would be worth it and never did. However, I'm currently struggling with... everything in my life and got a good idea for a story with him.

In it's infancy so I haven't written very much for it, but I'll summarize to story instead.

So, that's it from me. If any of these interest you, feel free to ask me anything about them. I'd even me open to just talking too, no pressure and thank you for reading if you got this far! ❤

Summary: It was almost fate for the pair to meet--Levi didn't get his preorder and Cassie did. Despite the tension between the two at first, they soon realize they have more in common than they thought.

1 note · View note

nerves-nebula · 2 years

Note

ooo thanks for sharing more about Huxley! He sounds like a pretty interesting character! Very sad and I hope he gets to recover, but it sounds VERY interesting that you (might, no expectations of course!) explore the morally grey aspect of his role in the family unit (dude that is like.. I l o v e the exploration of morally grey situations. that's my j a m)

He sounds kind of like what people were calling a babygirl lol. A little noodle of a man. Does he have a favourite food?

possible tw?

If you go for a reality that's uh, similar to our own and homophobia exists, you could add another layer to why Huxley didn't get/failed to get outside help if he had a husband? An extra layer of social isolation and worry, and perhaps manufactured paranoia? idk just some thoughts!

YEAH haha im gonna have a lot of fun making him SUFFER. And also making him be just kind of a bad person. I mean he's not irredeemable but! Yknow! sometimes you do shitty things and sometimes your a shitty father and you gotta live with that.

tbh i havent decided a lot of cultural stuff about this story yet, but I know it's gonna take place in a different, magical world, so not too much like ours in that aspect.

but if I had to make something up on the spot based on vibes alone, then I think that the culture that Groe and Maureno currently live in doesn't have a concept of queerness or cis-het-ness as we think of it. So people would be mostly chill, and if they weren't it wouldn't be for the reasons we'd think (have to think about this more though)

meanwhile where Etik and her family come from (which is a different country/city/city-state to be clear) there might be more rigid ideas of gender and sexuality.

I like the idea of both societies being like, gay and trans "friendly" as in generally accepting of those identities as valid compared to the world we live in. But going about it in different ways.

So Groe & Maureno's culture plays it very loose with gender and sex and relationships, which is cool but can make people feel lonely because they don't have a community or a word to really pin down their experiences. But they also don't feel "othered" so it's not too bad.

MEANWHILE the Allwile family come from a place where you can be gay or trans or whatever but you HAVE to pick out a box and people will nitpick you if you step out of line.

for example, identifying as gay and then being bullied into identifying as Bi because you said you liked someone of a different gender one time, or identifying as a trans man but having people question you about it because you like to dress "like a woman" (whatever that means in that context)

Like, what if the worst queer community discourse was the predominant social structure, I guess XD?? So kinda queerphobic and obsessed with labels.

BUT this is all subject to change. I'm just spitballing ideas here and I think that could be a fun way to differentiate the societies (among other fundamental structural stuff that I'm still thinking about)

i need to like, come up with a name for this cultures or something. Groe and Maureno live in the fuckin woods in a big ole' magical settlement that they sort of founded together hundreds of years ago.

and the Allwile family lives in like, a huge manor?? i think?? near a city?? i dont have it all figured out yet but they're rich.

#nnstuff #rambling #sorry this got a bit off track #ask #huxley allwile #homophobia #transphobia #queerphobia

1 note · View note

idontdowellunderpressure · 2 years

Note

It’s funny how we project our own lived experiences onto the characters. I thought Garou was just genuinely avoiding the question because it’s awkward as hell to talk about that stuff as an 18 year old with a parent figure. But I’m a cis het woman. Of course i would see it like that; what could two supposedly straight cis men (ONE and Murata) meant to portray with Garou’s reaction? When it’s just as normal for kids to have crushes on celebrities. Every male straight OPM fan in the vicinity related to him liking the yellow ranger, having liked the yellow ranger themselves when they were growing up.

Sorry this is a bit long. I don't know when to stop talking sometimes 😅

You're right. It's very true that our own experiences affect how we interact with media. Everything -books, music, movies- is skewed by our own reality. I do not presume to know what ONE and Murata intended (if I ever do, it's mostly for comedic effect) and I am almost certain they meant to just have this silly little bonding moment between Garou and Bang as a moment of levity after several pretty intense chapters. (Do I genuinely think ONE and Murata intend to make Garou not straight? No. I love how ONE writes, but, having seen how they portray Puri Puri Prisoner, I doubt they would write a queer character as seriously and nuanced as Garou).

However, I just find it so interesting that what one person sees as "omg Dad, stop, you're so embarrassing" another person can see as "oh no, oh no, I can't tell them, what if it changes everything, what if they see me differently, what if they treat me differently, what if they can't reconcile their perception of me with how I actually am and leave me". And then when I picture Garou thinking the latter coupled with him only just now getting Bang back, it really makes more sense to me that Garou is freaking out because he's worried something bad will happen if he doesn't answer right.

But, like I said, that has to do with my own experiences. I couldn't tell people in high school "oh, I don't like people like that" because, at the time, I would get made fun of for being a "cold, unfeeling machine" or "a weirdo" or "a psychopath". Hearing the dreaded "you'll find someone someday" like the right person would come along and fix me. I didn't like being treated as someone less human, so I'd make up answers. I'd say my type was "Johnny Depp" because I really liked Jack Sparrow. Or I learned that everyone was really into Chris Evans and remembered that when people started talking about types so I could supply his name when asked about my own.

So when I see Garou squirming and sweating and stumbling along after being asked that question, I see my own experiences and recognize the signs of discomfort and the attempts to answer and move on. I see my own reality.

Even if that isn't what ONE and Murata intended when they wrote and drew this scene, that's what I felt. And, yeah, perhaps I'm not "interpreting" the texts correctly, but that's what happens when you make art. Draw a painting using blue and one person who sees it feels calm while another person might feel sad. Does one person feel incorrectly?

This is why I'm not a lit major. I don't really think I'm cut out for these kind of existential, unmeasurable questions 😂

Plus, with the end bit, expressly saying he likes Yellow Ranger because she looks like/reminds Garou of his mother, implies one of two things:

We've got a serious Oedipus issue on our hands, and I'm worried for Garou.

Garou doesn't really have romantic feelings towards Yellow Ranger and his feelings are probably closer to idolizing or hero worship.

Either way, poor Garou really needs a proper parental figure in his life. I'm really excited to see Bang fill that roll!

#batarou #metal bat #garou #chapter 170 #queer stuff

33 notes · View notes

genderqueerdykes · 2 years

Note

This is going to be a weird way to phrase this, but why does gender feel like a scam sometimes?

For context, I've been on T for almost 7.5 years, lived socially as male for over nine years, and I'm chipping away at my transition goals. I've been confident and comfortable with things for a long time, but I'll have the occasional thought where gender just feels fake sometimes.

Like, if you were to ask me how I identify, you'll get a different answer depending on the day. Sometimes it's "yeah, I'm a guy", other times it's that but with a bit of a shrug. My personal favorite is "man, I identify as being a tired trash gremlin" and I leave it at that. When I sit with myself to think it over, the most I know for sure is that I'm not cis or a woman. It's just the rest that's a pain in the ass and tiring.

I've heard some people describe the feeling as gender apathy, which kind of makes sense to me. But, dang. Really? We're doing this again? I went to the gender store and I got some weird items in my mystery grab bag.

i think there's a point after that initial honeymoon period where transition really isnt exciting or thrilling anymore, it just has become a mundane part of your life, and i definitely get what you mean- I reached a point where i went. maybe i did waste my time, this doesn't make me anywhere near as happy as it used to. i don't feel 100% like a guy so i think i wasted all that time

but in reality, what was happening was my identity was maturing with me, and changing slowly over time. now that you've been on HRT for a while, you may feel confident playing around with gender presentation a bit- I only got confident in feminine clothing once i was consistently read as a guy. you may just not be satisfied with where things have taken you, and that's okay, too

honestly I only started thinking hard about my identity after i started T- i realized i wasnt a binary guy after the hormone finally took its effect, and what i mean by that is that i was in love with what changes it brought me, but i didnt identify as a binary dude. luckily testosterone gave me the opportunity to explore my nonbinary identity in a way that feels safe to me, as im no longer being perceived as a cis woman

i think it's okay to get into a bit of a rut with that part of yourself, and not know where to go from there- i get what you're saying and i hope you're able to figure out what's the root of that feeling. take care! hope you have a good one

#asks #answers

22 notes · View notes

deada55 · 2 years

Text

I worry that writing all this out might actually make me lose steam on this project, but I've been thinking really hard about ladyklok and reality tv. I also love women.

I preface these headcanons by saying that I've thought a lot about these names, and there's one that's really undecided. Honestly I took a little bit of a Naoko Takeuchi approach and made them after my favorite types of girls, and I tried to diversify while maintaining a similarity to Da Boys.

We got Natalie (it was this or Shannon. idk why. Shannon. she'd be a fucking terrifying shannon) Explosion. I entertained the thought for five minutes that she'd sound like Morgan Lander. She's not built, but you know those women with straight, square, beautiful shoulders and big boobs and big arms? Rugby girls? Yeah. Her weight fluctuates, as does Nathan's, and so do their own attitudes towards it (Because You CAN be Bad-Ass And Also Have Body Issues They Are Not Mutually Exclusive.) Another odd factoid is that their hair would actually change the most in length and style for tours compared to everyone else. She's bi and demi and nb (she/they) and lowkey a girlboss, with the least yassified connotation possible. It's hard getting a band full of amazing, hurt women to keep from feeding into each other's drama and crying 24/7. "Unprofessional" is the new "gay." Bc alt wxmen are so Gay.

Stina. Stina Skwigelf. Unsexy name to the American, but she's been a big PR driver while the band was fighting the media during their come-up. Lots and lots of public sightings with different famous and ordinary dudes helped stir up controversy and raise record interest, but she's only so much of a trollop as she thinks men can actually deliver on what they claim, so not as often as she'd like. She's almost six feet tall. Absolutely gangly, but she has a natural pose to her that's *chef's kiss.* You know Surfeta fucked her self-image up. You know how she looks at herself in the mirror, but there's nothing more empowering than a pleather bikini top and matching pants. She's proud of herself. She's talented and beautiful. Cis, heteroflexible. Natalie has hit it. Pickles watched.

Ok. I really am struggling with what to call Toka/Trana/Aslaug, but. It's hard growing up Like That, and it's harder when you're not prepared to be like what we expect from modern, Western women. She's incredibly bubbly and playful, her fight/flight/freeze/fawn reaction is to fawn and fawn so hard. Knows how to make soap with lye. Horrible fingernails. No hair has ever left her body: she doesn't think about it, and waxing fucking hurts! Sincerely doesn't want to wear a bra, please. The fashion sense is just L. L. Bean everything but Worse. Small figured but 5'8", has an interesting posture, BIG feet. She/her, bi, a simp, maybe grey-ace. Prone to incredible "lashing out" and attention seeking behavior (ever watched Bad Girls Club? Ever heard of Ripsi? That's this girl.), but she doesn't really mean it against anyone when it happens. Still, leads to huge escalations with...

Tamara (Tammy) Murderface. I love it when she's got the Cool Curly Lesbian Shaved Sides but it's honestly too good to be true. We're repressing being a lesbian so hard that our hair looks like dogfaced "Believe" Cher-hair doing a Roseanne cosplay. We wear gold hoops, though, because they're cute as fuck and make us feel like a real somebody. She's a total pear shape (and we DO buy them with the cellulite yes ma'am), but that doesn't stop F-cups. Her and Natalie battle it out, but it gets tricky since Murderface has smaller ribs but wears the wrong size bra (like Natalie does any better when they're not just custom.) RIP this poor, poor lesbian. She thinks she's straight and "I just get bi when I'm drunk, you fuckin' lesbos!" Trana/Aslaug/Toka kissed her once and she thought she was going to Simply Die, So Blessed They're besties. Murderface simply struggles, but Natalie has conflict avoidance down to an anxious science. They're Not going to go there. They keep separate dressing rooms for a reason. Except for Aslaug/Trana/Toka. She's in Murderface's or Stina's. Sometimes Natalie's. Always on MySpace.

Pickles. Oh, Pickles. Aging really, really well. Beautiful hair, great performance quality, super cool... She had Toka/Trana drooling for a week. One time her and Natalie fist-fought and it was legitimately incredible how it made their friendship fully develop. She'll outdrink you, but that's not new or surprising. She/her, but anything works. Probably pan. huge feminine lean. Also you know she has gauges. She's pierced. Everywhere. She looks so fucking cool. Stare at her forever. Stina could never. Pickles had a centerfold back in the day, but her talent is indisputable. It simply wasn't a media issue. She might be divorced.

#sorry im femming out. absolutely.#and a lil high #ladyklok

9 notes · View notes

vaspider · 3 years

Note

I've seen two posts in the last 24 hours about pronouns. The first was complaining about how "they/them is just used as the default for non-binary people now and it's bullshit it's not meant to be a trinary" and the second was "cis people asking your pronouns is so performative and it's bullshit" and like... I'm out of ideas? If I don't know what someone's pronouns were, I WAS using they/them until I felt comfortable asking but now I just don't want to use any pronouns for anyone ever. What do?

Well, first of all, I think your mistake is treating queer people like we're a monolith. There will always be conflicting ideas from everyone within the community on what's the best thing. In general, as long as you are acting with best intentions with your best information with an intention to do the best and kindest thing toward the largest number of people, any reasonable trans person is going to be good with the efforts you make. If you don't know someone's pronouns, using 'they' until you can ask is, generally speaking, fine and good. We'll come back to that in a minute.

Second, like, the first person and the second person's statements are not necessarily in conflict and I'll walk you through why. I will say up front that I am not speaking for anyone else, I do not know whose posts these are or what they meant. I am only speaking to general thoughts and why those statements might not be in conflict when I say:

We do have an issue of cis people (and binary trans people, for that matter) treating non-binaryness as though it's simply a third gender, and not an infinitely-sized galaxy filled with an infinite number of genders, some bespoke, some shared, and with everyone experiencing their gender in a different way. (Cis people also experience their genders in unique ways, but that's an entirely different conversation.) My gender is not the same as an agender person; my gender is not the same as another butch's gender. My gender is my own, and it is not 'generic non-binary.'

There is a tendency to refer to non-binary people as "they/thems" or whatever, usually by people who "don't think non-binary is real" (whether those people are cis or trans) or by people who are being dismissive of non-binary diversity and reality. And insisting that anyone whose gender is non-binary in some fashion is they/them -- when a lot of us use flexible pronouns, mixed pronouns, neopronouns, or even just binary pronouns -- is something that quickly becomes a problem. This tendency springs from the very human desire to put everything into easy categories. That it is understandable doesn't make it correct, of course.

Then the other part of this, the second post, is that a lot of the time cis people will only ask for people's pronouns when that person is visibly transgender by the reckoning of that cis person. So you end up with -- for example -- non-passing binary trans people, and people who deliberately present outside the binary regardless of their gender, being asked for their pronouns, but no one else. And on top of that, a lot of the time that's as far as some cis people go in becoming accomplices with trans people. They're not doing anything to materially better our lives, to enforce our rights, to uplift the most marginalized segments of our community, to understand the less-visible parts of our community -- they figure "I asked their pronouns and I used them, I'm a good ally, gonna pat myself on the back and get a cookie."

So it can be very performative and it can actually be really othering depending on the way it's done. If a cis person looks at someone and says in their head 'that's a boy' and doesn't ask pronouns, then a) they may be wrong and b) when they turn to the person next to that 'boy,' who, idk, has both tits and a moustache, and asks them for their pronouns, well, that may be a cis woman with PCOS, first of all and second of all, it becomes really obvious who that person "sees as trans." And that can be a shitty feeling. (It's also a shitty feeling if you don't 'present non-binary enough' and people presume you use binary pronouns, which happens to me a lot.)

I understand being frustrated by conflicting information. It's very frustrating being on the operative end of "I don't want to use pronouns for people ever because two different trans people had two different opinions," too. I hope you understand that your desire to just say 'fuck it' and not use pronouns, and feeling like ... that's ... the worst you get out of it? That's a form of privilege. It's like the privilege of not caring about politics bc your identity isn't political. Sure, you can try to not use pronouns for people and only use their name, but that's generally obvious, too. I only know one person who doesn't use pronouns at all; every other trans person I know does.

Do your best; use 'they' if you're not sure and until you can ask. Ask politely and do so by offering your pronouns first. Don't just ask the people who you think 'look trans,' ask everyone. Practice it and it'll become natural to offer your pronouns and ask. And don't let pronouns be the only thing you do: advocate for trans people, support us, show up for us.

And if you do that, and someone's still a dick to you about your efforts, please try to remember that a lot of us are carrying around so much trauma about how we're treated with regard to our names and pronouns that the person who gets angry and frustrated or whatever probably isn't really responding to you per se but speaking from a place of profound trauma over having their identity continually invalidated or turned into a point of mockery. That doesn't mean it doesn't suck for you, but it does mean that you have the opportunity to allow that minor frustration to flow over and past you because it isn't really about you. Like, yes, it's frustrating, so imagine how frustrating it is for us, being misgendered at every turn and then on top of that having to deal with cis people's fragility over being asked not to deadname and misgender us, having to walk people through how to show us basic respect and be tender with their feelings when we're bleeding... and then try to just let it go.

Yeah, it sucks that we're trying to figure out how to not have our identities invalidated constantly and that we don't always agree on the best way to do that. I'm sure that's confusing. Do your best, and let it go if someone gets frustrated or you get it wrong. Honest mistakes are what they are, and as long as the mistakes you're making are well-intentioned and honest, you'll be fine.

#trans issues #pronouns #gender identity #non binary #spider speaks

41 notes · View notes

epicene-humanoid · 4 years

Note

some trans Jeff thoughts:

he realized he was trans in elementary school and just went fuck it I'll just start introducing myself as Jeffery and see if anyone decides to stop me (as we know, jeff winger can get away with almost anything)

he got top surgery the second he could afford it (around the same time he started at his law firm), and probably bribed someone to keep it a secret

"I'm jeff winger and i would rather look at myself naked than the women I sleep with" are the words of a man proud of his transition

he's really insecure about his fashion sense, which is why he mostly dresses like the douchey guys at his firm in the start of the show, he thought you can't go wrong with the sleazy lawyer look

he will never admit it but he feels super good about the dean hitting on him, because the dean is a (cis) guy, acknowledging that Jeff is more manly than him

i think he starts out stealth and comes out to everyone one by one, probably starting with abed because he knows abed won't judge him and will probably just see it as an interesting backstory.

abed just says it's cool and maybe worth a prequel exploring Jeff's transition, and jeff asks him to predict how all of the members of the group will react to him coming out.

abed's predictions:

britta will be over-the-top supportive and do a ton of research about trans history, probably put together a slideshow just to prove how progressive she is, and jeff will be a little bit weirded out, but also touched that she did all that for him, though he would never let her know that

shirley will be confused, because she doesn't know how someone she trusts and knows so well could be part of a group she was raised to hate, but ultimately realizes that there's nothing actually against the lgbtq people in the bible, and, as a cool character development arch, starts to advocate against use of the bible to justify bigotry

troy will just think it over and decide that Jeff's physique and coolness are even awesomer knowing how much work he'd had to put in to be like that, and respects Jeff's manliness even more

annie will give him a hug, say something sweet about how she'll always love him, and worry about his health, because even she read somewhere that taking testosterone makes you more likely to have a heart attack, jeff will explain that the risk is still only as high a cis guy, and she'll be the one to always remind him to take his shots

peirce will say at best say "jeff winger used to be a chick?" and at worst call him a slur, either way there's sure to be a lot of misgendering from him, and pestering to know Jeff's deadname (needless to say, Jeff just doesn't tell peirce)

the whole group goes out of their way to keep their beach trips a secret from pierce (the girls don't want him there anyways, he's too liable to be creepy) even though jeff knows that even if pierce saw his scars, all he would have to do is make up a story about some childhood accident and pierce would never question it

sorry this ended up being super long. can I hear some of your headcanons for him?

YES ALL THIS!!! yes yes i’m fully accepting this as canon oh my god

i’m about to type a whole ass ESSAY at midnight because i have been DYING to talk about this for months ajfdksljk,,, this is going to be obscenely long and i might end up adding even more to it as i continue to rewatch the show because there is truly no shortage of trans jeff content (especially when you’re trans and see transness in every little thing ajdkslfkjs)

spoiler warning for literally everything about this show under the cut <3

i 100% agree, i feel like he realized he was trans super young, especially since in the show we see him as a little kid a couple of times.

like look at little jeff with the oversized sweatshirt and little ponytail!! that’s childhood trans fashion. not to be dramatic but part of me thinks that jeff’s dad left before he fully came out to his family (which gives him even more angst about it, because until that one Thanksgiving episode, he’s never able to prove to his dad that he’s a better man), but part of me thinks that his dad left after he came out (which adds that spicy i-should-have-stayed-in-the-closet guilt that he has to work through).

either way, because his dad wasn’t there, he had to base his concept of masculinity on something else, which was becoming a lawyer!! there’s some line that’s like “after the dust and divorce papers were settled the only man i looked up to was [the lawyer guy]”. like, replacing your father figure in your mind with the concept of “a job where you can talk your way in and out of anything and distort other people’s concept of reality”? that’s trans.

and the fucking THANKSGIVING EPISODE... i struggle to watch it without crying hehe <3 yeowch! the dichotomy of willy jr. being the “wrong” kind of man because he’s “too soft” but jeff also not being enough despite adhering to all the social standards of masculinity... fuck!! this whole scene of him telling his dad “i am Not well adjusted” and talking about how he gave himself an “appendix surgery scar” when he was a kid and he still keeps the get-well-soon letters from his classmates under his bed? oh my god. the implication of people loving him not despite his scars but because of them?? trans. i can’t think about this episode for too long or i’ll start yelling.

OH and this scene? where he talks about how his mom got him a girl costume for halloween?? and everyone said “what a cute little girl” and after a few houses he stopped correcting them?? and “once the shame and the fear wore off, i was just glad they thought i was pretty”?? THAT’S TRANS... the man needs validation oh my god... and then in all the halloween episodes we see he has these ultra-masculine costumes (a cowboy, David Beckham, one of the fast and furious guys even though he never watched the movies, a boxer with his DAD’S boxing gloves... god) costumes are about becoming something else and he always chooses to be hypermasculine and that is trans.

THE PHYSICAL EDUCATION EPISODE!!!!!!! being uncomfortable during P.E. is a queer experience. period. but him being specifically uncomfortable in the clothes someone else is assigning to him? trans. “are we gonna talk about clothes like a girl? or use tapered sticks to hit balls around a cushioned mat like a man?” TRANS. and him eventually stripping in public? celebration of transness. and the fact that he eventually becomes comfortable in both the uniform and his own style!! trans!! god i love this episode.

AND AND AND!!! the gay dean coming out episode!!! where it’s the three of them discussing the best way for the dean to come out as gay despite not entirely identifying with that label!! so we have both frankie and the dean who are sort of ambiguously queer, and jeff who’s a stealth trans man who’s probably only out to only the study group at this point. this scene where the dean and jeff have this like eyebrow communication while frankie is talking is just so cute. queer-to-queer communication. “I am so curious” “oh?” “intellectually.” “oh...” ajfdksljfk this scene just screams high school GSA to me and i love it so much.

and SPEAKING of the dean!! i totally see you on that. i feel like jeff has some internalized homophobia/biphobia (like he’d throw punches over someone else, but when it comes to himself he has a lot of shame). and also seeing the dean so confident in all his different outfits/costumes has a weird affect on him bc it’s like “okay, the dean, a cis guy, can do that, but i as a trans guy could Not because that’s Breaking the Rules”. which, like, throwback to the halloween thing. of course there’s no right way to be masculine, but mr. winger does not know that.

another thing!! the episode where their emails get leaked? that includes his emails with his therapist. fuck!! he was outed to the whole world in that episode!! no wonder he was so fucking angry!! this whole episode (and really any time he mentions his therapist) is so interesting when you think about them as a person he talks to about his transition. OH which adds to the thing with the dean!! “and you told your therapist you wanted to be alone this weekend” and “not you jeff, i know you’ll be visiting your dad” ”I told you to stop reading my emails”. luckily his study group has his back and just makes fun of him for emailing astronauts lmao

and WHO can forget “they’re giving out an award for most handsome young man!!!!” what else is there to say about this line besides: he’s trans. you know he didn’t get awarded enough for being a handsome young man when he was a kid, and no amount of compliments when he’s fully-grown can really make up for that. some people crash a kid’s bar mitzvah to cope with the fact that they struggled to be seen as themselves when they were a teenager <3

also his weird relationship with pierce? where he kind of hates him (understandably lmao) but at times has this almost-friends-almost-father-son relationship with him? especially in this episode where he’s forced to bond with him and ends up having a good time by accident (at a barber shop no less, the perfect place to Be A Man with your Man Friend). idk what to say about him besides the fact that pierce says his mom wanted a girl when he was born and made him dress like a girl (and his middle name is anastasia!) so if they’re gonna do any bonding over transness it’s gonna be that.

okay one last thing and then i’ll shut up for the night. this episode kills me (and almost kills jeff hahahahelpi’mcrying). it’s a very Trans thing to not be able to visualize your future self, it just is. growing up trans at the time he did? i don’t know what kind of future he saw for himself, but i’m so happy that he ended up with a group of friends who became his family and love him the way they all do. i’m so emotional over this asshole it’s ridiculous.

in conclusion:

they’re trans, your honor <3

#community #jeff winger #trans jeff winger #GOD i'm gonna make a video essay about it if nobody stops me #yall know that youtube channel AreTheyGay? i want to be that but AreTheyTrans #the videos would just b like... jeff community. neo the matrix. bill and ted bill and ted. audrey little shop of horrors. jo little women.#maybe i should start that youtube channel sjdfklsj #thank you for prompting me to talk about this because i think about it twice a day #i might end up reblogging this and just adding different responses jeff has had to casually homophobic/transphobic things that happen #in the show #like the episode that last photo is from when the dean is like #'spring transfer student dance isn't rolling off the tongue so we're calling it The Tr@nny Dance!' 'much more greendale.'#OH AND ACCIDENTALLY KILLING PIERCE'S DAD!!! HOW DID I NOT MENTION THAT EARLIER SJFKLSJ #'you LITERALLY killed a father!' 'well not MINE dummy!!'#alright i need to do my homework now ajfklsdjfl

403 notes · View notes