#and feels really unhealthy tbh.
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pomegranarchy · 1 year ago
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ehhh. ill preface that i know this post isnt for me, so just ignore my reply here, but i needed to get the thought out.
yes, complex emotions and romantic conflict are compelling, but my issue is the idea that jealousy and monogamy are inseparable from those concepts. to me, love triangles and cheating ARE boring. i don't see the point in playing "who should i date?" when the answer feels incredibly simple: date both of them? maybe have a conversation about your relationship dynamics? confront why cheating feels like a compelling thing to do??
these tropes tend to focus on which character is the better person to date, not why they feel compelled to choose in the first place. why is it that they do not feel loyal to their partner? why do they find these characters appealing? is there something they lack in their partner they desire? why do they not want to discuss this? is it a inability to? do they want to confront that? yes? no? can they? why or why not?
Literally the only instance I can think of where even one of those questions are meaningfully addressed, much less answered, is in I'm In Love With The Villainess. There, the character being asked to choose is a closeted bisexual woman that cannot acknowledge that people love her for who she is. So when given two women that are woo'ing her, she cannot make a choice because she cannot confront the fact she is a woman who is capable of being loved by another woman (or reciprocating). None of them are actually dating (yet), and the two women in question aren't fighting to prove that they're "better fitted," but to prove that they actually care for her in the first place, and are willing to do things to make that love work.
even then, the jealousy and aggression feels kinda unfounded. it never was answered why she had to choose at all. except for the inherent social expectation that is so assumed it isn't even mentioned in the piece of media, i guess.
so personally, love triangles and cheating feels like a cop-out for actually engaging complex thought. there must be conflict, so let's smack these characters together because there's no better conflict than a bunch of jealous squabbling.
if you enjoy it, whatever, have fun! im not stopping you.
i'm just someone who's really really tired of seeing jealousy and monogamy to be claimed as the standard for all romantic relationships. that that's the only way they can be had, the only way conflict can be engaging, the only way complex feelings can be had. it's exhausting.
"i hate love triangles" "i hate cheating" "stop writing about love triangles and cheating" people write about love triangles and cheating because complex emotions and romantic conflict are deeply compelling themes. get good.
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qoldenskies · 2 months ago
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cc!leo is so weird and fun to write because i have to capture the spectrum of him impossibly gentle and caring, goofy and nonchalant to make everyone feel better, and INSANELY invested in the prospect of brutally murdering someone all at the same time and writing ch23 really illuminates that for me lmao. like the characters just kind of take me places that i dont expect and apparently the answer to "what happens when you strip leo of all his layers of facade and make him forced to hurt the most important person in his life through horrifying mind control?" in this extremely specific instance was uhhhh. Bloodthirsty! apparently
he's so funny to me like bro can you CHILL
#personal#canary continuity#i think the difference between the way he treats his family and everyone else in his life is going to be. Stark. for a long time#considering how pressed he is about the topic of witch town? i could see him in particular developing some paranoia#and hypervigilance#ESPECIALLY whenever they're in the hidden city#like i could all see them worrying about donnie almost to an unhealthy extent but like#there's a non-zero possibility of leo having a paranoia spiral about something like this. he feels like he cant trust ANYONE#except for the people he already knows#not when they dont know who did this all in the first place. he's going to feel like there's more danger waiting for them for. a while#yk i could also see this getting even worse after the invasion !#usually people give a role like this to donnie so im being PROGRESSIVE!!!!#CL showed that leo has a lot of villain potential but like... ngl CW kind of does too#its fun to explore a darker side to him tbh#and i think it is VERY funny how night and day the difference is with how he interacts with donnie#literally the most gentle kind consoling person on the planet lmfao#like with raph a lot of his volence and aggression is very. unplanned. especially in the future#its a panic response above all else. all he can think about is protecting them. he's not really making those choices in his right mind#BUT LEO WILL LOL considering how he's been talking about kitsune??? WOOF#he can be your angle.... or your devil...........#put him in front of his CL self and he would rip his throat out with his teeth im not even joking
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delusionalbitchinthehouse · 2 months ago
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In case nobody knows, I'm a whore for Pebbla x Alpha angst, them trying to manoeuvre their relationship, and metaphors. So you'll have all of those in this, inspired by the lyrics :
"Let the impulse to love/ and the instinct to kill/ entangle to one"
from Say That You Will by Sleep Token. (Which I am also a whore for btw)
Tw : a lot of said metaphors are about biting, eating, teeth, blood and gory-ish stuff, so if that makes you squimish proceed with caution.
Pebble nearly startles when a warm hand splays between his shoulderblades. It's not the suddenness of the touch that has him tensing up, but its gentleness. He wants to sink into it, he really does, but his body doesn't seem to get the memo. Because Alpha is not gentle, not like this, not with Pebble. That's just not what they are, what their relationship is. They're mad dogs snarling with all they have, taking chunks of eachother whenever they orbit close enough, holding the torn out pieces between bloodied teeth like trophies to be cherished.
Except Alpha's hand doesn't push, doesn't scratch, doesn't dig or split skin to get to the soft, vulnerable parts Pebble keeps burried, the ones the fire ghoul is usually so keen on exposing to the garish light of day, clawing them out of their hidding places and running away with them crushed between his jaws.
No, Alpha only presses warmth in Pebble's aching back, in the quiet of the deserted greenhouse. The sun is kissing the horizon, bathing everything in gold, bouncing against glass pannels in a breathtaking ballet of light Pebble was too busy to notice. Slowly, he exhales, manually forcing his body to relax, and Alpha seems to notice, wrapping his other arm around Pebble's waist to drag him closer, until the earth ghoul's back is pressed against Alpha's front.
Even as he melts into the embrace, there's a part of Pebble that wants to bare sharp teeth, to take advantage of Alpha's unusual softness to sink them in this quiet moment, tear it to shreds until the fire ghoul bleeds out his unexpected warmth with eyes growing cold again.
Instead, Pebble traces the landscape of scars and ink on Alpha's forearm with dirt stained fingers. The fire ghoul's hand finds its way to the back of Pebble's neck, and for a moment, it twitches there. Like maybe, probably, he's battling with the same contradictory feelings, maybe he's this close to bite through muscles and sinew, chew bones until he can get to the marrow and all the secret sweetness it hides. In the end, though, the hand only caresses, and the lips that land on the notches of Pebble's spine are gentle, brushing sweat damp skin like it can quench the thirst Pebble knows rendeers Alpha's throat dry as sand, for the earth ghoul shares the same predicament.
There is no blood in this interaction, and though Pebble's parched tongue begs for a few crimson drops, he is seized by the sudden impulse to gorge himself full of the sweet honey that oozes from this moment. The sugary taste will only make the thirst worse, but for once, he'd like to crave it instead of the metallic tang of harsh words and clashing teeth.
Alpha keeps kissing up Pebble's neck, rocking them both back and forth. They sway like they never needed muzzles to be let around each other, like there is no effort behind the tendernes of the action. Pebble tilts his head back so he can rest it on Alpha's shoulder, eyes closed so he doesn't have to look at his face, incapable of predicting whether he'd be able to reign in the instinct to snarl if he let himself take in the fire ghoul's features.
Alpha's mouth is at the earth ghoul's jaw now, delicately scratching against stubble. A more insistant press almost has teeth digging in, until Alpha catches himself and let up with a shaky sigh. It's this unsteady breath, so out of character for the ever-confident fire ghoul, that has Pebble reaching out, tangling a hand in silky hair, twisting in Alpha's arm until he faces him, eyes still resolutely closed, even as Pebble gently tugs him down, even as he cautiously slots their mouths together.
Despite the hunger trapped behind his mollars, Pebble doesn't let himself sink the points of sharpened fangs in Alpha's bottom lip, instead licks the saccharine taste of tentative affection straight from his mouth. The fire ghoul follows his lead, not a flash of pain coming to turn the kiss around into something more familiar, something quick and rough that comes so naturally to them. For once, it's all hushed noise and light touches, a fragile moment in time carved in glass, so prone to be shattered by the slightest misstep.
They pull away, foreheads brushing, breaths mingling. Pebble finally opens his eyes. Only to be met by the embers of a four letter word that they never quite managed to fit between their bloodstained teeth, flickering in Alpha's mellowed down gaze. It feels like getting ripped open, still beating heart weakly pulsing under scrunity.
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rileys-battlecats · 3 months ago
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was trying to figure out why I feel so Wrong rn and I think it's because I didn't follow my usual daily routine like At All and now my brain is freaking out. woke up at a vastly different time, had entirely different tasks throughout the day, took a nap at a weird time (to make up for the fact I had about 3 hours of sleep last night), zero human contact for the past 15 hours, and ate different food from usual (various leftovers from social events/thanksgiving, instead of cooking for myself like normal). and before I really realized that these were all things that were Bad For My Brain I was just wandering around my house like "why do I feel like garbage?? I've literally been outside so much today my brain should be happy"
ANYWAY here's to me not remembering I have issues with unstructured living because my days have been so similar for the past 4ish years that I straight up Forgot that things being too different too fast makes me crazy ✌️
#rye.txt#I'll be fine lol#the sudden shift in my daily schedule and my generally unhealthy eating today were the big things that made me feel Bad#so now that I am actually cognizant of this I can take steps to mitigate it tomorrow#god. what the hell did I even eat#leftover soup. that was breakfast (very out of my ordinary). uhh. a lot of pie (grandma made a ton for thanksgiving).#a tangerine that miiight have been on the edge of going bad#(thought I should eat a fruit. fruit did not improve status)#reheated ​popcorn chicken? that was not a good decision I felt so gross after eating that#hrm. ok my issue is that I feel like I Need To Eat These Leftovers So They Don't Go Bad#otherwise i'll be Wasting Perfectly Good Food#BUT. I don't want to eat it and eating it makes me feel generally unfulfilled and kinda blehg#ough. why can't I be normallllll#I'm also not dealing with the whole 'zero human contact' very well tbh. which is weird because I'm a deeply introverted person#and usually spend my days avoiding people like the plague#but idk. it's been literal years since I've spent and extended period of time completely alone#I don't knowwww i don't know#I'm gonna invite some friends over tomorrow and get them to help me eat these dang pies#ALSO. ITS BEEN REALLY COLD TODAY. AND I HAD TO BREAK INTO MY NEIGHBORS' HOUSE#(was not breaking in; I was trying to take care of their dogs since they're out of town)#(but their door code AND their garage door code weren't working#and I didn't have a physical key to use#so I had to push my way in through a back door that'd been blocked by a pile of boxes taller than my head#and squirm into their garage in order to get inside and take care of the dogs)#(was a very stressful way to spend my early waking hours)#i ALSO had to drive to the AIRPORT this morning which SUCKED. had to drop off family#which like I'm happy to help but also airports suck so much ass I hate them#anyway. today was sort of shitty#but mostly I only have myself to blame#did not structure my day well enough
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deus-ex-mona · 9 months ago
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no thoughts, just the way the narumi sisters are so different yet fundamentally similar at the same time yk?
#i love the functionally dysfunctional relationship of the narumi sisters to an unhealthy degree i think…#i’ve just been thinking about how both sisters put each other up on a high pedestal while having a less than high opinion of themselves and.#aaaaaaa just the way sena calls mona her angel while thinking of herself as a useless/subpar older sis#a n d how the main source of mona’s depression is her constant comparisons with her beloved big sis sena is just. aaaaa#just!!!! the way sena pushes herself past her limits in her attempts to portray herself as an ideal big sis for mona#even at the expense of her own health sometimes (see also: the beach sisters honeypre event)#i really feel like the way sena thinks she isn’t good enough of a big sis to mona is pretty glossed over for the most part tbh.. man.#(​i have many thoughts on this tbh. none of them coherent)#and just. aaaaaaaaaaaa im really happy that both of them have great support systems (their families + [midori for sena]/[monacas for mona])#like. even though they don’t personally think they’re good enough compared to their ideals…#at least they have people who are there to love them for who they truly are. their true selves (honto no watashi) if you will—#idk i just wish both of them could see themselves exactly how their sister sees them…#b ut man i really want idol sengen season 2 just so that we may be able to see how sena reacts upon finding out what happens to the bracelet#i doubt they’ll show it in an mv but. man. i really want to know how she’ll react…#im probably misremembering and misinterpreting a bunch of stuff about sena huh… i miss her thoughhh#i miss seeing the sisters together tbh. i think the gen 3 sibling pairs should sing together a la tokyo [season] session style
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marshbarks · 1 month ago
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this is smth thats not gonna make sense to most ppl who follow me but 'm Thinking again so tag rambly
#i really miss lightdogs! they were so fun and Yes okay the community. in hindsight. kind of sucked butt#but i had a lotta fun there and even though i DID need the money from selling my dogs i miss them#like i know the sad fam is SAFE and fine and i wouldn't wanna get them back from the person who has them bc i trust that person#and i dont .. know where the silly babies are but im sure theyre fine too#and the few others i had like redwood and whatnot i've made ocs to fit the story roles they had so i don't NEED them back#but idk there was smth about the simplicity of them that i really liked#and i haven't been able to confidently make a new oc who captures that level of simplicity without feeling Bad or making them complex#and idk. friend i like got me into them so theyre nostalgic n happy#its been like .#fiveee years... but i think about them a lot#i don't know if i'd want a Lightdog™ again or if id be happier to just find some sorta medium where i can make a character that gives me#the same emotions that the dogs did#but man if it was still a species you KNOW i'd be busting my ass right now to get sp-inspired customs from the mods LMAO#though by now i'm sure there'd be so many it'd be REALLY hard to pick a theme lolol#idk! rolls around. i'm not big on species anymore and find myself only creating one or two lately and then sorta drifting off bc i do#personal development outside of the species world#but i like the Feeling of being in a community- and when i didnt have Fandom™ to give me community i was like. unhealthy about species tbh#overworking myself and sometimes spending money i didnt really have; i like that now i'm Better about it#but man.......................... critters................................ sigh......#pine prattles#this one really is a fuckin prattle
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elisedonut · 8 months ago
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what are your opinions on a Bartemius Crouch sr/Percy Weasley fic with Percy as an accidental sugar baby and that's what his fight with Arthur is about?
I'm assuming this is like an au of some kind where he doesn't die?
or is this the fight happening a lot earlier?
accidental sugar baby Percy is a very funny concept to me
Percy not even thinking anything of the extra money or the gifts his brain is just like "I must be doing such a good job to be getting all these bonuses"
meanwhile Arthur is just slowly noticing these things and is like what-
Like Percy comes home is a brand new suit and Arthur is just like
"where did you get that?"
and Percy just answers honestly because in his brain its a reward, something to be proud of receiving.
While Arthur outright is just like "none of my bosses have ever done something like that Percy."
Which is meant as like 'Percy love, that's not normal' but Percy's first thought is just 'yeah well, maybe that's your fault because you don't try very hard'
all the while Percy's brain is still spinning over Mr. Crouch tying a new tie around Percy's neck and telling him how nice he looks in it
That's such a funny concept to me and for sure in the right scenario could totally work. Percy can be very naive and only see what he wants to see so I could for sure see how a scenario like that could happen
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faramirsonofgondor · 1 year ago
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A great example of ted’s non-confrontational approach is how Ted refuses to correct Trent when he asks if it’s true that they threw a party in the locker room for losing the match in s1. All ted had to do was say “actually that was a party planned for sam’s bday” and it would have changed trent’s attitude to some extent. But no, ted is too stuck in his “people will observe what i do and come around to seeing that i’m right” attitude. There was literally no reason not to correct the record and it made ted look totally unserious about his job!
Yes! Ted is a very non confrontational and I don’t really think he actually understands just how harmful his behavior is. He tends to handle most of his issues by ignoring them and believing that things will sort themselves out. He also acts like people will be able to understand what he wants from and adopt his mindset. Especially when Jamie is concerned. Jamie was harming the teams dynamic in season 1 and Ted just decided to be patient and beat around the bush instead of stepping up and telling Jamie to cut it out.
It sort of reminds of the scene in The Office where Stanley is very openly disrespecting Michael, and Michael tries to take the friendly approach but Stanley continues to be insubordinate and rude. But once Michael actually invokes his authority and tells Stanley that needs to cut it out and respect him, because Michael is his boss, Stanley begrudgingly cleans up his act and begins to respect him.
I think if Ted had done similar, he could’ve seen results from Jamie a lot sooner. The problem is that Ted dances around the topic at first and then gets increasingly frustrated when Jamie doesn’t meet his expectations. Telling Jamie to remember that’s he’s only of 11 and that he should be a team player is truthfully really unclear and shitty advice. Especially considering Jamie has issues picking up on “implied” messages. So, Ted thinks that he’s being clear and telling Jamie to pass the ball around, but Jamie probably didn’t really grasp that. Then the whole thing with stepping over Sam, and Roy trying to fight Jamie happened. And Ted decides the best course of action is to bench Jamie, and he’s still not communicating clearly on why he’s benching Jamie because he thinks it’s obvious. Then, when Jamie says he’s injured, Ted immediately assumes Jamie is lying and blows up at him. Like Ted’s reaction was extremely inappropriate. And I’ve seen a lot of people say that Jamie deserved it for being a prick and shit, but Ted is his boss, who’s nearly twice his age and who (in Jamie’s mind) is punishing him for unclear reasons. The fact that he NEVER clears any of this up is just so?????
And then the whole thing with Sam’s birthday. Like it’s not the only time that someone outright asks Ted something and instead of answering he just completely dodges it. There are so many things he should’ve clarified, like telling Jamie he never sent him away, or telling the team Jamie was coming back. Not to mention, he just never did shit about Nate’s behavior in season 2?? It’s just so frustrating when Ted is supposed to give the team guidance and be a good coach but then he ends up constantly contradicting his own standards for others. Like he says “be curious not judgmental” and then proceeds to be extremely fucking judgmental with Jamie.
I really just don’t think Ted sees how his mindset is hurting the people around him. He has a responsibility to the team to make sure that things go smoothly and they’re all happy and healthy but instead he avoids their issues half of the time, or gives them half assed advice the other half of the time.
Ted just needs to learn to be more direct with other people. His metaphors are so complex and time consuming half of the time and it’s actually a bit irritating. Like the whole Denver Broncos thing after Colin came out??? Ted could’ve just been like “we support you and care about you and whatever you’ve been going through” but instead he has to turn it into this whole speech. Some of Ted’s speeches are appropriate and well timed, but some of them also just really miss the mark.
It’s just really frustrating to see, especially considering Ted fucks Jamie over the most but he supposedly cares about Jamie a lot (which might be true but he never acknowledges how he’s hurt Jamie or that he’s never really shown him that he cares about Jamie). Like I think somewhere in s3 Jamie probably just came to the conclusion that Ted has a problem with him and only him because it seems like Ted is extremely lenient when it comes to everyone else’s shitty behavior but Ted got super mad at him (and the whole Zava shit). In reality, I think Ted has been getting away with being very indirect with other people because they’ve been pretty decent at picking up on what Ted wasn’t saying, but for people like Jamie it was probably just really frustrating and difficult because Ted was being confusing and then extremely angry.
I think Ted’s general avoidant behavior is where his “forgive him” advice comes from as well. Ted got by with never acknowledging or addressing Jamie’s trauma because other people were there to do it for him (Beard giving Jamie Ted’s note, Beard kicking out Jamie’s dad, Roy hugging Jamie, etc.) So when there’s no buffer, when it’s just him and Jamie and he’s not able to avoid the topic he tries to get Jamie to forgive and forget because it gives Ted an out from having to worry about Jamie and his trauma. In his mind, if Jamie just forgives his dad, then there won’t be an issue anymore. And it’s not just Jamie he does this with, he does it with a lot of the team. When there’s a certain situation he can’t relate to he either 1) tries to come up with a story or metaphor that encapsulates his mindset and perspective or 2) he tries to get other people to let their issues go. I think we see this most clearly when Isaac attacks the homophobe in S3. He is extremely aware of the fact that Isaac is upset about what was said, and not in just a “i hate being insulted” kind of way. Nobody just attacks someone like that because they’re insulted. But Ted is either purposefully ignorant or he just oblivious because implies that he should just let that kind of stuff go and ignore it. Which first of all, I really don’t think the locker room, in full view of the team, coaches, and Trent, was the appropriate place to have this discussion. Secondly, I think Ted just doesn’t get that not everyone has his mindset and some things just can’t be let go of that easily (I’m not saying Isaac was justified or anything). Thirdly, Ted should’ve waited for Isaac to calm down and reign in his anger and his frustration before saying anything like that.
Ted acts like his advice/mindset is perfect for every scenario when it’s really not. And it’s an extremely harmful way of thinking because it’s not just Ted that it’s affecting. Especially considering Ted doesn’t actually follow through with a lot of his own advice and expectations. Like the most prominent example I can of is Jamie, who seems to absorb everyone’s advice and follow it to the letter. He applies the advice he’s been given to his mindset and approaches every scenario with it. He understands the poop-eh metaphor and applies it the quickest and most consistently out of everyone in the team. The issue is that sometimes Jamie over corrects for things and it fucks with the boundaries Jamie has with other people. Like the entire scene where Jamie is expressing his concerns about Zava in a respectful manner, and yet here the coaches are making fun of him, telling him that he’s doesn’t really have a right to be upset, and assuming that it’s just his ego. Zava fucking steals Jamie’s first goal of the season, and nobody says shit. This is so inconsistent to Ted’s ideas and expectations in S1, and it’s just really unfair and unprofessional to Jamie. But Jamie doesn’t know if he’s allowed to address that or not because Ted is the one who’s in power and he doesn’t want to risk upsetting Ted again.
Anyways sorry this turned into a whole rant thing, I just have so many thoughts about all of this!
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designernishiki · 2 years ago
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today on tumblr user designernishiki’s autistic-with-a-special-interest-in-psychology deep dives: dissecting the hell out of kiryu/nishiki’s childhoods and kazama’s parenting (or lack thereof) and how it all relates to their emotional development (or lack thereof). they will never be safe from my psychoanalyses
#childhood development isn’t actually an area I have a ton of experience researching which is part of what makes this intriguing tbh#because I was basically thinking a lot about how it makes alot of sense that kazama being a semi-absent father figure would result in kiryu#idolizing and idealizing him to the (objectively unhealthy) extent that he does. because he wasn’t around super consistently kiryu would#hardly get to see/experience his flaws and have healthy disagreements and blatant differences with him and etc all-in-all making it so he’d#never really gain emotional autonomy and come to see him as a full-on person rather than an anti-hero character he wants to emulate as much#as possible. and by the time kiryu does come more face to face with kazama’s flaws and moral greyness he’s already well past the age range#where you’re supposed to develop emotional autonomy and have the most neuroplasticity to do so and thus it’s much more difficult for him#to deconstruct the idolized figure of kazama in his head. not to mention kazama died basically just as kiryu started to be confronted with#kazama’s less-than-perfect actions and traits and etc so he can’t humanize him through in-person experiences#it’s. a whole mess#I should save it for the big analysis post and not these tags fhshdjsnd#nishiki may have to be his own post completely because I feel like I’d end up having to talk about why he absolutely reads as borderline to#me and why it makes a lot of sense that certain symptoms/maladaptive thoughts/behaviors grow to be so out of control eventually#I have many thoughts about that boy and I already have many many notes on his potential bpd and image issues in general#hoo boy.#rambling
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meejijis · 5 months ago
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ppl who goes against their "dni" and break their own rules by either invading other people's spaces or hate stalking the ppl they hate (which the said person they hate is literally everything they described in their dni list) will always make me so annoyed
#delete later#i stopped doing dnis and byf cuz i realized its fucking useless AND extremely stupid tbh. like i also find it extremely childish too#its like putting up a sign at a restaurant and going “people who supports and enjoys pineapple on pizza are not allowed here go away”#like i just now realized how stupid this whole thing is. it also feels like segregation ngl#also not all dnis and byfs work like a charm 100% of the time either cuz even if you list the triggers and things you hate ppl out there ar#going to be terrible about it and use your horrors against you and harm you. and its pretty fucked#but yeah on another note: ppl esp the young gen needs to start learning how to avoid something they hate and never look back on it ever#again. like i promise you if you focus on something you like you wont have to be fighting useless pointless battles cuz theyre a waste of#TIME AND ENERGY. please learn how to separate fiction and reality. not only that even if you try really hard on wanting to make things you#hate disappear as well as its supporters well im sorry to break it to you but things you hate will ALWAYS exist. shocking i know#just like how many ppl hate pinapple on pizza there also exists others that loves that kind of pizza alot and its never going away any time#soon. that applies for every other shit we hate just like how i hate the fucking great gatsby lol but it still continues to live on and#strive in highschool eng classes cuz again ppl likes that book lol and also it exists for ppl needing to learn higher reading comprehension#and levels and all that jazz and what not.#but yeah some ppl really needs to stop breaking their own boundaries and consuming things they hate. its really unhealthy#also stop hate stalking ppl you hate too. seriously. get a better hobby.
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monochromelullaby · 8 months ago
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I read happy hardcore hexidream last night, and on the one hand I can absolutely see the horror elements, the abusive behaviors, the trauma responses.
On the other hand. Agere braincell looks at Hexi and is like 'oh but that could be a good caregiver right there'
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spade-club · 2 years ago
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Just learned my hypersexual little is a Christian! Bad sign! Fuck my life maybe??
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melting-heart-knows · 2 years ago
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seriously relating to songs that describe shitty ways to show love or not so normal feelings is what makes me think im not just an asshole but the. asshole.
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kingtomura · 11 months ago
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Cat and mouse
synopsis: Your ex boyfriend has some nerve texting you at three in the morning — an entire week after the disaster breakup you had. You should really go over there and give him a piece of your mind. Well, you know what they say about famous last words.  wc: 6.1k | crossposted to ao3 content: tomura shigaraki x female reader, no quirks au, toxic tomura, reader is kinda toxic too tbh, unhealthy relationships, breaking up and making up, vaginal fingering, overstim, breeding kink, piv, dubcon creampie, degredation, threats of baby trapping, hurt/comfort, sweet at the end idc
You’ve told your friends time and time again to stay out of your business. They never listen. 
“Oh my god, Kirishima? Is he even twenty yet?” You drag as you watch your friend flip through several pictures of the redheaded boy like he was a member of the bachelor. 
She smiles, scrolling her phone for more options, “no, but he will be in a couple of months!”
“No!” Your words are sharp. You love Mina but god, you don’t want her to play matchmaker with you. It’s not like you’re a charity case or something. 
She gasps and you swear you could see the lightbulb go off above her head. “What about Denki? He’s fun!” 
You groan, falling back onto the bed and covering your eyes with your arm. “Mina.” 
“Hey, just give her a break okay? It’s only been about a week.” Your saving grace Yaoyorozu speaks up and it’s nice to finally have someone on your side. 
“Thank you.”
“Seriously? So we’re just going to sit around and watch you mope about all day?” Mina questions, irritation clear in her voice and it grates your ears.  
“Preferably, yes! Just let me be.” You roll over, face officially shoved into your pillow. It’s been a rough couple of days and you haven’t gotten a single call or text from Tomura. Not that you should be expecting one. You broke up with him after all. 
It’s just.. this time feels different. Usually there’s more arguing and he’s fighting for you to stay around, but this time there was nothing. No quips, no insults, just “fine, get out then.”
That hurt the most. 
You had no idea what he was up to. 
Maybe he was as depressed as you were. 
Maybe he’s found someone else. 
The thought makes you stop in your tracks. The idea of Tomura, your tomura with someone else is enough to make you nauseous. 
You jump to your feet and rush to the bathroom, locking yourself in and falling to your knees. 
God, what if that was why it was so easy?
You pull out your phone, the device lighting up and unlocking with your facial id. 
Tomura doesn’t use social media much but you could still check to see if he’d blocked you. 
To your surprise, he hadn’t. 
He hasn't posted anything either and there’s no new person in his followers. 
You feel yourself exhale a breath you didn’t realize you had been holding. No change is a good thing. 
There’s knocking on the door and you thank the stars you locked it. Your friends would judge you so hard if they saw you lurking through your ex’s social media. 
“Hey, are you okay in there?” It’s your saving grace Yaoyorozu again and you almost feel bad for shutting her out. 
“Yeah, I’m sorry if it feels like I pressured you! I’ll give you some space.” Mina's regretful voice calls and it makes your heart clench. You know she means well but she just doesn’t understand. None of them do. 
Whether you want to admit it or not, you love Tomura. 
Yes, you argue and yes, you fight, but he just gets you. He’s so cynical, but so caring — in his own special way. Too bad he was such an asshole. The argument wasn’t even supposed to go that far. 
There are tears beginning to blur your vision and you wipe them away, willing the feelings down and standing to your feet. 
If he wanted you to stay away, then fine. You could do that. 
You splash cool water onto your face and take a breath, steeling yourself and getting ready to face your friend once more. It was Saturday and they were convinced you needed a fun girl’s night.
It takes a lot to refrain from cringing at the phrase, but you believe they held some truth with the idea. You definitely didn’t want to be alone right now.
You unlock the bathroom door, meeting Mina and Yaoyorozu’s worried expressions with a smile. 
“We should probably get ready now, huh?”
Mina’s eyes light up, smile blinding and excitement contagious.
“Yes! Jirou and the others are here now.” She starts to clap, excitement buzzing around her, “Girl’s night is going to be amazing!” 
—-
Girl’s night was a bust.
The moment everyone arrived the apartment quickly filled with chaos. Noisy and busy, it was all giving you a headache. Until someone decided it would be a good idea to pregame before going out.
In preparation for the night your friend’s insisted that you get dolled up, hair makeup and skimpy clothes you wouldn’t look twice at on any normal day. 
You had to admit it made you a little more excited to get out and at least feel like your world isn't crashing around you. It was supposed to be a fun little night out. Somehow one drink turned into two, which turned into three which turned into Mina swearing she could beat everyone in a dance battle. 
The group only got more riled up as everyone indulged in this silly challenge. 
One challenge leads to another, which leads to more drinking, which then ends in everyone being too drunk to function and knocking out — all laid out in odd places around your living room floor and couch. 
The groggy feeling came first, your arms radiating in dull pain as you vaguely recalled trying to beat Mina in a contest of who could do the most push ups. It sure as hell wasn't you, but the drunk version of you thought it was possible to move mountains. 
You blink a few times, trying to will your eyes to rapidly adjust to the darkness of the room and find out what this odd buzzing noise beside you had been. Turning over, you find your phone, squinting as the too bright screen lights up your face and you see that it is three a.m.
You had fallen asleep with everyone else.
The phone buzzes again, lighting up and you have to squint further to read the contact name.
Tomura. 
Your eyes widen as you scan over the three texts he’s sent you. 
Wasting no time, you rush to your feet and into the bathroom so you can look at your phone without the chance of prying eyes overlooking your shoulder. Even though they were probably going to be out until late morning.
Tomura’s messages were short, no paragraphs, no essays but three different messages sent in succession. 
When are you coming to get your shit?
I’m tired of waiting.
And I’m deleting our farm btw. 
The first two messages don’t get much of a reaction from you, especially since it’s three a.m and he knows you’re usually asleep around this time. 
But the third message…
Your Stardew Valley farm that you’ve had and worked on together for almost two years being put on the line and threatened? What the fuck was his problem?
This farm was a constant in your relationship. Throughout the ups and downs and back and forths. You were sure that hell would freeze over before you both would give up that progress. But here he is, threatening you while you would have been asleep. What an asshole.
Your feet are moving before your brain can stop them and you make your way to the front door. Since your friends were all passed out it would be easy to sneak over to Shigaraki’s place, give him a piece of your mind and then sneak back. In and out, quick and easy. 
Your decision is made and you grab your coat, deciding to just go over there as you are. You hadn’t changed out of your outfit that was supposed to be for the night out, but it didn’t matter. You only needed to get over there and get there fast.
Once you arrive at Tomura’s doorstep you waste no time knocking. It’s around three in the morning so he should still very much be awake. 
There's a chill in the air as you wait for his answer and you wrap your jacket closer to your body. A rumble of thunder caught your attention and it's then you notice the rain clouds rolling in. You knew it would only be a matter of time before the bottom of the sky falls out and rain drenches everything. You were on borrowed time if you wanted to make it back before then.
After what feels like forever the door finally opens, revealing a very cozy pajama-clad Tomura, who seemed a little too pleased for his own good — if that sly smile he was doing a bad job at hiding was anything to go by. 
You don't give him a chance to greet you or say anything for that matter, stopping his words in their tracks as you cut him off. “What do you want?”
He doesn’t bother hiding his smirk now, the expression making your fists clench and your anger boil. “What do I want? You’re at my door, in front of my apartment.” He scoffs, clearly getting the exact reaction he had wanted from you, “I should be asking what do you want?” 
Caught like a deer in headlights. Whatever, you don't let that stop you as you pull out your phone to show him his text. “You sent this, I know you’re bluffing. What do you want?”
Tomura shrugs, leaning against his door frame and giving you a pleased look. Expression relaxed and content. Not a care in the world. “To talk.”
“Well, I'm here now, so let’s talk.” You spit, crossing your arms and waiting for whatever else he would throw at you. 
“Sure, but you should come in first.” He starts, looking up towards the darkened sky, confirming his assessment. “It’s gonna rain soon, you know.”
Of course you knew that. 
You just didn’t want to give him more time than you had. But you agree and go in, ignoring the fighting feeling in the back of your mind screaming at you to turn away and hightail it out of there. 
Tomura’s home is the exact way it was the day you left, give or take a few more containers of takeout littered around the place. You have half a mind to scold him about it, but quickly remember that it isn’t your place to do that anymore. 
So instead you stay quiet, following him into the apartment and into the living room. Opting to stand as he sat, and resisted the urge to get comfortable. 
“So, what do you want to talk about?” You try, done watching him pick up a controller and boot up a video game. Seriously? 
Your patience was wearing thin now as you watched him ignore you to play some stupid game. You try calling to him again, knowing this was probably a waste of your time and groans.
“I was in the middle of something before you got here. Let me finish and we’ll talk.” It's flippant the way he waves you off and continues the game. The lack of care only hurting your feelings further and making you realize this may have all been a big mistake on your part.
You shouldn’t be at your ex boyfriend’s house being ignored. You should be at your house getting drunk and hanging out with your best friends. There was no reason to stay somewhere you’re obviously not valued.
It’s a simple choice when you put it into perspective. 
But things are always easier said than done. 
You sigh, the air puffing out your cheeks, a bad habit you had when angry, and walk right in front of Tomura’s TV. There was more satisfaction in making him lose the game and then announcing your departure than just leaving quietly. 
He cranes his neck to see around you, but it doesn’t work, finally giving up as his character inevitably dies. “What!?”
“I’m leaving!” You announced, turning on your heel and heading towards the front door.
“You had to make me lose first? I said I was almost done!” He spat back, rising from the couch to follow you.
You shrug, “I don’t care. Why invite me in if you’re just going to ignore me?”
“Didn’t think you had the patience of a child.'' Tomura stands in front of you, cutting through your path and stopping you in your tracks.
It's almost comical the way he insults you. “Okay pot, meet kettle.” You try to brush past him, but he side steps with you. 
“What are you dressed like that for anyway? Did you go out tonight or something?”
“No!” You deny, a little louder than intended and then pause. “But it’s none of your business what I do anyway.”
Tomura hums at this, taking the words in and running them through his mind as he gives you a once over, eyes scanning from the too-tight shirt you wore — showing a generous amount of cleavage, down to your mini skirt that left little to the imagination. 
“Could've fooled me.”
“What do you mean by that?” You hate when he gives you cryptic answers, like it’s impossible to pry into his mind to see what he was thinking at the moment. 
“You knew you were coming to see me so I dont get why you're wearing that skimpy shit. Unless you wanted me to check you out.”
“Not everything is about you, Tomura. Maybe I just wanted to dress up and look nice.”
“Bullshit—”
“God, Tomura you always fucking do this!” You yell, walking right up into his face. The excitement in his scarlet eyes sends a chill up your spin, but you can’t back down. 
He gets closer, matching your tone and you can still see the grin he’s trying to hide. It makes you see red. ���Do what? Tell you the truth? You know I’m not wrong.”
“Yeah, you think you know everything, but you don’t. I’m dressed up because I want to be, not because of you.” You’re insisting at this point, frustration threatening to tip over and spill out into the form of another pointless argument. Why did you think you could actually come over and have a decent conversation with him?
Tomura is a master at getting under your skin and hitting where it hurts. In all of your arguments he’s never really pulled out the big shots but you wouldn’t put it past him to do so now. 
“Oh, so you come over to my place dressed like a slut and you expect me to believe you don’t have some hidden motive?”
And there it is.
Your last straw. He could be so egotistical and mean — you’ve had it. 
You regret it the moment you do it, but your body moves before your brain can process your actions. You push Tomura. Hard. 
He doesn’t fall back far but you know it’s enough to piss him off. And he’s never been one to hold anything back, so he shoves you back and your back hits the wall. 
Tomura has you pinned before you know it and there’s a thrill that runs through your body in a way you know you shouldn’t be feeling. Your knees feel weak for reasons that are not related to fear and your panties were gradually becoming more wet. 
His voice is low and his eyes are narrowed as he pins you against the wall, pressing your cheeks together with his other hand. “You’re really starting to piss me off.”
You have to bite back a smile, knowing this has taken a turn and you aren’t strong enough to stop where it’s going. Not that you would want to. 
“Oh yeah? If I piss you off so badly then why are you hard?”
He doesn’t look down. He can feel his own arousal just as well as you can while it’s pressed against your abdomen. 
Tomura pushes off of you — maintaining some distance as he turns away. 
“You’re fucking annoying.”
“Sure am.” You supply, chipper and certain as you trail behind him. 
He’s walking further into the apartment, and you follow. Legs moving on their own accord as you go further into the lion's den, exchanging quips and insults. You jab your finger into his shoulder, bothered by the way he continues to ignore you, it's a pathetic attempt at catching his attention and it works. Kind of. 
The only response being him slapping your hand away with a glare and muttering a soft fuck off as he walked on. 
You both went back and forth. Like the sun and moon, you just can’t stay away from each other.  
It was how these things usually went between you and Tomura. He would start up, make a petty argument and you would never back down. Tomura is someone who was used to getting his way and others simply did what he said with no objections. 
But that was not how you were.
And he loved it.
You knew by the way he would get that devious glimmer in his eye when you would challenge a point, starting up a debate. Sometimes they were heated enough to make you both break up. It never lasted more than a few days. A week being the longest.
Push and pull. 
Tomura made his way past you again, ignoring your calls about how you hate being ignored. At this point you’re sure he’s doing it on purpose to rile you up more but you can’t help but take the bait. You grab his shoulder, forcing him to turn around and face you as you point a finger in his face. 
“Stop walking away from me!” 
He grabs your wrist and pulls you closer, making you stumble on your feet and almost lose balance. You were so close you could feel the heat from his body and smell the fresh linen scent of his shirt. “Don’t tell me what to do.” 
You snatch your wrist away from him, tension between you two growing hotter by the second as the space between you got thinner. 
“What are you going to do about it?” 
The narrowing of his eyes only made your grin grow wider as you watched the gears turn in his head as he thought about just how many things he would do about it. All of it enticed you, so you beat him to the punch. 
You reach forward again, fully intending to shove his shoulder again for another reaction, another glare, maybe even more words, but he stops you. It was fast, the way you both tumbled through the hallway as Tomura crashed his lips to yours. The relief of finally feeling his lips again meshed with the excitement of how rough he was with you. 
You lose yourself in the kiss, welcoming him in with open arms as you vaguely register the dark walls of his room and posters plastered along the walls in your scuffle.
It was exciting, probably the best part of breaking up and making up. At this point you think the whole point of falling apart is coming back together again. An endless cycle where the reward is worth the punishment. 
Cat and mouse. 
You end up on top of him, straddling his hips while your smug smile beams down at him. Tomura gives you an unamused look in return, yet the way his hands rested on your thighs gave away the ill hidden interest. It was all the encouragement you needed as you leaned down, hovering above him with both hands on his chest. 
“Not so tough now, are you?”
It’s bait. You know it’s bait, he knows it’s bait, but he takes it anyway — the way you knew he would. 
Tomura wastes no time flipping the both of you over, quickly reversing your positions as he settled himself between your legs. It’s dangerous the way his actions riled you up further, and you have to bite your lip to keep the smile from betraying your false anger. You couldn’t let him know how excited you were to be back in his bed. 
He presses your cheeks together and rocks your head left to right, tone mocking and eyes wild with fever, “Oh, look who’s become a firecracker all of the sudden. Where did that flame come from, huh?”
You want to respond, but Tomura beats you to it, releasing your cheeks and pointing a nimble finger against your forehead, “Don’t be dumb.”
His eyes trail from yours and then down to your lips, then finally down to your exposed cleavage. The movement was swift as he cupped one of your breasts in his hand and dipped down, claiming your lips again. It was softer than the first time but not by much, especially not when he matched his pace by grinding his clothed erection into you, making you moan at the contact. 
Your skirt was so short and it made you feel even more exposed than you already were. Tomura had easy access to you and the thin fabric of your panties made everything feel so much closer. 
You moan at the contact, swiping your tongue against Tomura’s bottom lip and wasting no time deepening the kiss as you pull him closer. You needed more and you needed it as soon as possible. 
Tomura pulled the low cut front of your shirt down, easily exposing your breasts from the confines of the shirt and massaged them, his thumbs rubbing soothing circles against your nipples and making you cry out from the sensitivity. 
He pulls away from you, eyes gazing into yours and you swore in that moment he put you in a trance. Tomura’s ruby red gaze always left you mesmerized and you can’t help the whimper that leaves your lips, brows furrowed and eyes wanting, “Please.”
“Please what?” And he’s not taunting you, he’s not mocking you. His eyes are soft as he brings a hand to your cheek. “Tell me what you want.”
“You.” Fuck, you’ve missed him. “I just want you.”
There’s a hint of a smile on his face as he strokes your cheek, soft look in his eyes making your heart flutter, and then it’s gone. Replaced by a hardened gaze as he moves to remove your shirt and bra, fully exposing you to his hungry eyes, and then moves to remove your short skirt. 
His hands hover there for a moment, debating whether or not he should keep it on and fuck you in it, but then decides against the idea and pulls it off, taking your soaked panties down with it as well. 
The air in the room feels cool against your skin as you shiver in anticipation. 
“Fuck,” Tomura whispers, now eye level with your cunt. You gasp as he runs two fingers between your wet folds and holds the digits up to show you. Syrupy clear slick clung to them, slowly trailing down as Tomura rose back up, eye level with you once more. 
“You’re so wet…” He murmured, bringing the digits to your mouth and you opened, taking them into your mouth and tasting yourself. You kept eye contact as you watched his eyes widen in delight — Tomura loved it when you put on a show for him.
There’s another moment of Tomura pressing against your tongue with his fingers and then he pulls them out, opting for a kiss in exchange, his tongue dipping into your mouth and groaning  as he could taste what’s left of your slick on you as well.
The pleasant feeling and linguid action of your movements made your shoulders relax as you practically melted into his soft bed, the feeling of his body above yours bringing you mountains of comfort. It was a distraction, of course. 
You felt the same two of Tomura’s fingers prod at your slick entrance before pressing in fully and all the way down to the knuckle. The stretch was intense but the pressure was euphoric, making you squeeze your eyes shut and grip him closer. 
He didn’t make you wait long as he pumped his fingers, quickly finding that sensitive spot so deep inside of you that only he could pinpoint and brushing against it over and over. 
The feeling was so good it made you pull away from the kiss to breathe, thighs twitching and toes curling in pleasure. You wouldn’t last long like this.
“Tomura, fuck..!” You moaned, drowning in ecstasy as he continued his abuse of your spot, never letting up or slowing down, aiming to make you cum as quickly as he could. It was obvious he wanted you to come undone as soon as possible by the way he watched your every expression. 
The way your brows furrowed to the way you bit your lip. Tomura eagerly drank every expression and gave it back to you in the form of pleasure. 
“What?” He started, unphased by your dilemma, “Gonna cum?”
It took a lot of focus and effort, but you nod — done with fighting for the night and accepting the fact that you will come apart quickly. So you give in to the pleasure. 
Tomura smiles, a devious grin splitting his features as he curls his fingers, hitting the spot one more time for good measure and you lose composure, your climax crashing into you like a tidal wave. There was nothing you could do besides ride the feeling while holding on to Tomura tight — like you would get swept away if you didn’t. 
He fucks you through it with his fingers, eyes never leaving your face as you come down from your high. 
“Pent up, huh?” He questions, and this time there is that little hint of teasing. It brings you back to reality. 
Yes, you have been pent up. You haven’t been able to get off to anything since you’ve broken up and it’s been hell. 
You have no time for the games, you just want him and you want him now. 
So, you take Tomura’s face in your hands, making him look you in the eyes. The flecks of black in his carmine eyes always makes you remember why you come back. Every single time. 
“Fuck me, please, Tomura.” It's soft and filled with desire that you cannot be bothered to hide, and Tomura has never been one to deny you.
He quickly discards his own clothes, making sure to not stay away from you for long. His cock is hard and leaking precum from the head as he strokes it in preparation. You feel giddy at the thought and watch as he slides the head of his cock between your folds, coating it with your slick, and rubbing against your clit. The action makes your hips twitch up towards him. 
He loves to tease and make you wait, but today he doesn’t make you wait long. Tomura leans down after lining himself up with your entrance and places his free hand behind your head, right above the nape of your neck. His hands were warm and the feeling of those hands cradling your head felt so comforting in the space of his familiar dark bedroom. 
You bring a hand to his hair, tangling your fingers in his ashen locks as he pushes forward. The stretch makes you whimper and Tomura captures your lips in a kiss again, swallowing the noises and releasing a groan of his own as your walls tighten around his cock. 
There's something about the way Tomura drags his hips, the way he starts off at a slow pace, winding you up as he steadily increases his speed and force. It happens so gradually that you don't realize you’re screaming his name until he tells you to shut up — threatening to cover your mouth because he didn't want his neighbors to hear how much of a slut you were.
It drove you mad the way he said it all with a smile and fucked you harder. Almost daring you to be louder so he can punish you with a hand over your mouth.
Tomura knew how rough you liked it and he always delivered, giving you back arching pleasure as he pounded into you. It leaves you gasping and struggling to keep your voice down. Your hands find the surface of his back, trying to hold on as much as you could with building pleasure on the horizon. 
“Tomu— Tomura..! Please,” you cry and he doesn’t miss a beat, driving his cock so deep against your sweet spot it makes you see stars. “Fuck..!” 
“Yeah, that’s it.” Tomura cooed, eyes filled with mischief as he brought you closer to the edge. “Cry for me.”
And you do, your body feeling euphoric as the feeling buzzed up your spine and filled your brain with the fuzz of ecstasy. 
“What are you gonna do, huh?” He starts, his hips grinding against you, the closeness of his pelvis rubs against your clit, making you cry out again, “What are you gonna do when I breed this pretty cunt and make sure you’re stuck with me forever?”
He’s bluffing, you know Tomura doesn’t want kids. He’s just trying to gauge your reaction. Your dedication. 
“Tomura…” You only moan, breath catching as he hits that spot inside you that he knows so well. 
Tomura is smiling, wild and devious, as you look up at him with glossy eyes, so close to crying from the feelings, “I’m gonna do it. I’ll make you mine forever and you can’t do anything about it.” 
“Ah!” You should stop him, tell him to calm down but he has your eyes rolling to the back of your head and your back arching off of the bed. Everything is blurring together and you can only slur words as the drool from your earlier kiss trails down your cheek. 
You are completely at his mercy like this and you know your friends would be beyond disappointed.  
It just feels so good the way his cock drags in and out of your body pulling moans and whines from your throat. He was relentless in the way he pounded into you — beyond the point of being soft and slow because he knows that’s exactly you like it. 
“Say you want it.” The command comes with the slowing of his hips and you whine, high and needy as Tomura slows to a near stop.
“Tomura, I—“
“Say you want it or I swear to god I’ll stop right now.” It’s a threat and you don’t want to find out if he’ll go through with it. Tomura never goes back on his word. 
“No, please, don’t— I want it!” you pant, frustrated and aching for more movement.
“I want you to,” you stammer, desperate to have your release. “I don’t care if you cum in me. I need you so bad.”
“That’s my girl,” He coos, dipping his head down onto your shoulder, “Fuck.. love you s’much”
You stop — you’ve never heard him say that. Ever. You doubted he would ever say it since it’s been so long. 
He doesn’t give you a chance to ruminate on it because he's picking up the pace again and giving you the friction you were so deeply in need of. The feelings are swimming in your head as your cries reach new heights. Tomura is too far gone to stop you or care and you’re thankful. You couldn’t stop yourself if you tried. 
The build of your orgasm crashes down and sends you with it, making your thighs quiver in pleasure and your eyes squeeze shut. Tomura’s mouth meets yours before you could cry out, the warmth of his tongue guiding you as he fucked you through it. 
He didn’t last long after, the way your walls tightened around him with the force of your orgasm has Tomura’s pace erratic as he chased his own high. 
The bed shook as Tomura finally finished, hips stuttered as he released inside of you, hot seed coating your insides and making heat rise to your cheeks. He really did it.
You watch as he slows to a stop above you, his eyes closed as he enjoys the feeling of release. Tomura’s breathing was heavy and you couldn’t stop yourself from bringing him down into another kiss, traveling from his lips to his cheeks and then back again. 
It was intimate and you were worried it may have been too much, given the reason you were both in this situation was because of a stupid breakup. 
Tomura’s pulls out of you, making you wince and taking the feeling of being so full away from you. He doesn’t go far, opting to stay on top of you and rest his head on your shoulder, wanting to keep you as close as possible. 
“You really piss me off.” He mumbles into your shoulder, out of breath and tired. “God, why can’t you just stay with me.”
“Tomura…” Your hands run through his hair, the sweat is making it stick to his forehead as you wait for him to keep talking. 
“Stop leaving me.” His voice is firm, unwavering.
“You told me to go.” 
“I didn’t think you fucking would. I would never actually want you to.”
“I can’t read between the lines Tomura, I’m not in your head.” You make him look at you this time, pulling his hair a little to get him to raise his head. “Did you mean it?”
“I just said I didn’t—“
“No, the other thing you said.” He gives you a look of pure confusion and you lose a little bit of hope, “when you said you loved me?” 
You stare into his carmine eyes, hoping, praying it wasn’t just pillow talk from the heat of the moment. 
He looks at you for a long time, frustration still wearing on his features. If you didn’t know any better you would say he was pouting. “Of course I meant it. I’ve always felt like that.”
“But you’ve never said it!”
“I show it!”
“How?” This is getting frustrating and going in circles. 
He groans, sitting up and taking his warmth with him. “I’m not going to sit here and list everything I’ve ever done for you. I don’t think it works like that.”
You open your mouth to counter, irritation on your tongue because that’s not what you meant, but Tomura stops you again. 
“I don’t know how to explain it, okay?” He shakes his head and sighs, laying next to you on the bed and looking up at his ceiling. “It’s weird. I have these strong feelings, but it’s not hate, it's not anger. It's the opposite of that.”
You stare at him as he focuses ahead, keeping his eyes trained on the uninteresting ceiling above.
“Father said it’s a weakness and I should feel that way but,” There’s a pause as he looks away from the ceiling, meeting your eyes finally, “if it’s so weak of me, then why are the feelings so strong?” 
Your heart aches. It's clear that he’s torn, and with the strange way he was raised you know that he can’t help the way he is. 
“Tomura…” 
“And it won’t go away. I can’t fight them down or push them away like I can with everything else. It eats me up and I… guess I lash out because of it.” He shakes his head and for the first time Tomura looks defeated. You’ve never seen him this way — he’s always been filled with confidence and self assured. “I just don’t know what to do.”
You bring a hand to his cheek as you press your forehead against his. It kills you that this is what’s been on his mind and you aren’t sure what you could do to fix it. Maybe there was nothing you could do, physically, but you would do your best to be there for him emotionally.
“Sometimes,” you try to be careful with your words, knowing how much Tomura looks up to his foster father even though the man has been nothing but strange to him. “People say things that aren’t true because they don’t know how to live with it.”
Tomura’s guardian cannot live with love nor the idea of it. 
“That doesn't mean you have to live that way.” 
And it’s the truth. 
Tomura doesn’t say anything, just watches you with heavy lidded eyes, ruby red nearly glowing in the low light of the room. He was so much more than what people thought they knew of him and you didn’t care if it took time for others to see that.
He leans in, closing his eyes and you meet him halfway into a kiss. 
It's warm and it's soft and you know that even when your phone is buzzing from dozens of missed calls and texts from your friends, it will be fine. 
You and Tomura would take things one day at a time.
3K notes · View notes
angelbarelywrites · 11 months ago
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♡ slashers scenarios | sharing a bed (part two)
♡ fandoms; Friday the 13th, House of Wax, Black Christmas, Scream (kinda), Hannibal (TV), Dead by Daylight, slashers (general)
♡ characters; Jason Vorhees, Bo Sinclair, Billy Lenz, Danny Johnson, Hannibal Lecter
♡ reader; gender neutral
♡ cw; heavily suggestive content, implied smut, unhealthy power dynamics, references to stalking and kidnapping, violence
♡ notes; still kind of figuring out characterization for Jason and Danny tbh
•┈••✦ ❤ ✦••┈•
Jason Vorhees
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> mama always taught him that sharing a bed with someone was wrong
> it could so easily lead to sinning! and the woods tended to be humid anyway, so it’d get sticky and sweaty
> but Jason likes keeping you close, very close
> the only time he’s not by your side is when he’s “working”
> and even then he’ll check up on you throughout the evening
> one day you get worried, though
> he’s usually back by the time you’re about to go to sleep- he drinks tea with you and usually cuddles for a bit even though he’s convinced staying would be bad
> on this night, the tea is getting cold, and you’re getting grumpy, so you step outside to call for him
> it’s just a moment- a split second that you feel a hand on your shoulder- too small to be Jason
> then there’s a sickening squelch, a scream, and a couple more wet thumps and groans before silence
> you don’t need to turn to know what happened, instead letting Jason come to you (he doesn’t like seeing you sad from his messes- and you don’t like seeing them period)
> he’s got the blood of the man who touched you splattered all over you but you just frown softly “…it’s bedtime.”
> he wordlessly nods and scoops you up quickly, seeming scared that you were somehow hurt
> you quietly reassure him but he gets you the tea and pets your hair until he’s satisfied you’re okay
> you relish in the affection and get an idea
> ���Jason baby? can you sleep in my bed? just tonight?”
> you can tell he mulls it over a long while before he nods
> he looks comically large in your bed, holding your teddy bear for you while you change into pajamas
> you let him be the little spoon, wrapping around him happily
> surely something this comfy can’t be wrong, he decides and falls asleep peacefully
> but when he wakes up, holding your soft, barely clothed form tight against him…he realizes he doesn’t care what’s wrong and right when it comes to you
> because you make him want to do all of the things mama said not to - and he just loves making you happy
Bo Sinclair
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> you like your personal space- that’s something you made clear when you started living there
> back then you were still a victim, but the point stands
> so once they trusted you you got your own little room and let you decorate
> and you like your arrangement. you have your bed, your boyfriend has his, and you don’t ever sleep in the other’s on purpose
> why would you want to sleep next to Bo anyways? he snores, he’s always splayed out in weird positions and he sweats like a motherfucker
> maybe it had to do with the way you can always hear him screaming when he wakes up in the middle of the night.
> or how it stings whenever he leaves after you fuck, even though you never really ask him to stay
> okay, fuck it. you love the idiot and you want to sleep next to him.
> that shouldn’t be too hard to say
> except it is, because your stubbornness is almost as legendary as Bo’s
> you’re still actively putting it off when you manage to sprain your ankle in the house
> after thanking Vincent for patching you up, you spend the afternoon in the living room, sulking as you wait for Bo
> you know it’s not his fault you slipped, but you’re irrationally mad at him and getting worse the later that he is
> you can tell Vincent got to him first because he’s already frowning when he walks in to the living room close to midnight
> “what happened to you, little darlin?”
> your anger immediately melts away and you give a pathetic little pout as he hugs you tight, cursing for not checking in
> he babies you throughly and eventually takes you to your room
> he’s giving you a goodnight kiss when you grab his sleeve
> “…stay?”
> he can’t hide his smug smile
> “…you want me to?”
> you grumble but he’s happy to strip to his boxers, whistling
> “what’re you so smug for?”
> “you finally asked me to stay.”
> “…well duh.”
> he falls asleep with your whole body laid on top of him, hand lazily stroking your hair
> for once he doesn’t have any night terrors, and he’s grateful
> so grateful in fact, he’d like to repay you..
Billy Lenz
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> you don’t love the idea of billy spending the night
> it’s not that you don’t love him, or being around him. he’s your boyfriend, of course you like his company
> it’s just that the sorority girls don’t have the greatest track record of giving you privacy
> they don’t cross boundaries, or enter without knocking- you lock the door anyways
> but they like you enough that usually they’re knocking on your door by eight, inviting you on a shopping trip or to breakfast or even asking for help studying
> it can be stifling, but it’s sweet, and it’s not like they’ll know you have a guest. they’d be more courteous if you could tell them
> and there’s the second reason, the one you can’t tell Billy
> you know the walls are paper thin, and you know just as well he’d take that as a challenge
> but it’s spring break, and only a couple of students are still about
> so you quite casually ask him if he’d like to stay the night
> you’ve never seen this man smile wider in your entire time with him
> and he’s surprisingly PG as you make plans
> he’s excited to eat popcorn and get his nails done and cuddle - you paint his hails black and get the snacks ready
> you rent a horror movie for the occasion, and he’s giggling the whole way through it
> he thinks it’s just adorable that you get so scared, hiding your face against him
> “Billy’s pretty baby is so silly- maybe he should distract his baby….-“
> luckily, you’re able to turn being as quiet as possible into a game when you mention how sound carries through the house
> and he’s ecstatic when he gets to stay next to you, tangled in the sheets and clinging to you for dear life
Danny Johnson
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> you’ve never been to his place
> he started as a stalker, so it seemed natural he’d just keep going over to your apartment
> and since he’s always busy with the paper, and continuing his current murder spree…
> well most nights you just let him go, and when you don’t you wake up alone
> but on a particularly boring evening you decide to reverse the roles just a bit
> you figured out his address some time ago- and you picked up a thing or two about picking locks from dating Danny
> so it’s not a problem getting into his penthouse and making yourself comfortable
> you make sure to send a vague text that you knew he’d be able to figure out
> after all actually being sneaky around Danny was probably dangerous- you’re about the only person he wouldn’t stab on site
> you can’t help your huge grin when he stalks into his bedroom
> he’s acting pissy but you see the way his eyes survey your nearly bare body
> “You little brat…”
> he’s the fun kind of angry
> after a through lesson in asking permission you shower and collapse into bed together
> you cuddle close and fall asleep in his arms as he traces all your new bite marks and bruises
> he seems to get the message about staying - when you wake up it’s to him kissing your neck and purring your name
> apparently he didn’t finish last night’s ‘lesson’…and he’s eager to continue
Hannibal Lecter
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> he’s eager for you to spend the night, in all honesty
> he likes being in control, utterly and completely
> if he had it his way, you’d move in within the month
> but even though you’ve brought a bag, and are all pj-ed up, he’s distracted
> maybe the one thing that can distract him from you is work- he’s a perfectionist
> and he doesn’t have to prove himself to you like he does clientele and state boards, and practically everyone else
> “y’know you said ten minutes ten minutes ago.”
> “yes my darling- i’ll be there shortly, just- go lay down-“
> you roll your eyes and instead stand behind him, wrapping your arms around his shoulders and beginning to kiss his neck
> he tries his damndest to keep focused
> “…if you don’t come soon, i won’t be awake enough to help you…unwind,”
> that gets him up- you 1, work 0
> you’re surprised when after you’ve both gotten nice and relaxed, he pulls you flush
> usually you have to ask for affection
> but he spoons you, face buried in your hair as he dozes off
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astrobydalia · 1 year ago
Text
🪻Lavender Observations🪸
it's pisces season my dudes so here's my fave pisces aesthetic... this music video really spoke to my pisces moon soul so I wanted to pay homage to it. As always enjoy the observations!
work by astrobydalia
.・゜゜・ ・゜゜・. 。・゚゚・ ・゚゚・。.・゜゜・ ・゜゜・. 。・゚゚・ ・゚゚・。
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🪻✨Capricorn risings are very full of themselves to be honest. They have an overall pleasant reputation and are loved (Libra 10th+Cancer 7th) but for some reason they're actually very individualistic and conceited deep down, like they think of themselves as being 'on other level' than others. I think this is because their shadow revolves around their ego (Leo 8th house) and we all know they love status but unfortunately fame and popularity tends to change them and/or take out their toxic traits (Scorpio 11th house). Basically they’re the type to become extremely entitled individuals just because they’re successful
🪸✨The virgo placement urge to have a harmeless and innocent personality/reputation while also engaging in the most unholy, taboo and sometimes immoral activities behind the scenes............ iykyk
🪻✨I’ve noticed Geminis are what people think Aquarians are??? Idk Aquarius placements are the most chill and unproblematic people I know and typically don’t make any fuss out of their “quirks” or opinions, they’re just living and vibing them on their own. Geminis on the other hand are the chaotic manic pixie girls/boys or the mad scientists with the most random and out of pocket interests and ideas. They always be leaving me like ‘wtf are you talking about?🤨’ They’re also opinionated af and will jump into controversy pretty easily.
🪸✨Oh! And Geminis are WAAAAAAAAYYY more detached than aquarius dude. Geminis are air AND mutable, for them it is extremely easy to move on and detach from things
🪻✨All the people I've met who's had cosmetic procedures done (botox, plastic surgery, fillers, etc) always had libra placements and/or Neptune aspecting the ASC. Overall Venus and Neptune influence is big in people who wanna look like a glossy instagram filter
🪸✨Chiron in the 6th house are HUGE control freaks due to feeling like reality overwhelms them too much, they feel like their life is never sorted out. They are also the type to overwork themselves with pointless things or hyper fixate on short-term goals cause it gives them a sense of control
🪻✨Capricorn placements are attracted to ambition and independence. It is not so much about age difference that they look for, but rather they like it when someone has their own things going on for themselves and has solid life values that they stick to. Capricorn's love language is supporting your ambitions and you doing the same for them so.... they need to see potential in you and with you
🪸✨Libra+Scorpio placements are VERY envious people and tbh I've seen this in everyone who has this mix regardless of how developed they were.... The type to befriend/get close to people they're secretly jealous of to either ruin them or get a taste of what they have. Seriously these natives are never happy with just themselves they're always focusing on how good others' things are
🪻✨People with fire in their big 3 HATE it and get defensive when other people make unsolicited assumptions about who they are or when people assume they can know the native better than the native knows themselves. It’s hard for them to brush that kind of thing off, they don’t like to feel like people are ‘appropriating’ their identity. The type to be like “you don’t know me or my story so stfu”.
🪸✨All of the Scorpio moons I've met had at least a phase in their life where they had a very unhealthy relationship (scorpio) with food (moon)..... They always seem to turn to food when going through a hard time but in a very self-destructive way
🪻✨Sagittarius is as much of an escapist as pisces. They both crave for things to be good, positive and unserious (Jupiter)
🪸✨I’ve noticed women with personal planets in Aquarius usually have very thin and sparse eyebrows and usually enhance them with makeup
🪻✨Natives with Mars in Capricorn are SUPER hairy. A very thick and stunning head of hair and/or noticeable and abundant body/facial hair. Their hair is usually deep and dark as well
.・゜゜・ ・゜゜・. 。・゚゚・ ・゚゚・。.・゜゜・ ・゜゜・. 。・゚゚・ ・゚゚・。
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🪸✨Scorpio Moon men I’ve noticed are attracted to a woman who is a bit cold, mean or is not easy to get to her because it makes him feel like she can handle him and his intensity. They’ll likely commit to a woman that captures his heart in such a way that he knows she can potentially hurt him more than he can hurt her. Deep down they wanna be the softer one in the relationship cause they’re a water moon after all
🪻✨I personally never had any 2nd house synastry relationship that actually involved money (except for business relationships ofc). Instead people who had planets falling in my 2nd house always make me feel like a million bucks frfr 🥺 They made it clear that they valued my opinion, my talents, qualities etc (essentially they valued all I had to offer which is 2nd house themes) and also made me feel like they favored me in many ways, like I'm a part of their top priorities, one of their 'faves' and wouldn't let me go easily. I have to say this turned pretty superficial in some cases on both sides, with 2nd house synastry there's a tendency to think of the person in terms of what they can offer be that money, time, services, advice, skills....
🪸✨That been said, you're more likely to be hired or promoted by people who have their planets in your 2nd house because they value your talent and skills. The best feedbacks I've gotten were mostly from clients who had their planets in my 2nd house
🪻✨Cancer Jupiter gives a very loving and caring husband that will totally adore you and provide for you both emotionally and financially. Husband is bound to be highly emotional and sentimental as well, the type to make it obvious to the world that he is truly in love with you. This is Jupiter's exaltation so this placement really gives Disney's Prince Charming vibes fr
🪸✨I've also noticed Scorpio Jupiter gives a similar kind of husband^ but less Prince Charming and a more 'dark fantasy novel'. This placement is giving Edward Cullen’s “your scent is like a drug to me” vibes when it comes to your husband
🪻✨With debilitated Jupiter (Virgo, Gemini, Capricorn) you might get a husband that is kinda detached and could even be distant or indifferent depending on other aspects or positions. Best case scenario is they love and support you but they are just not good at showing affection for some reason and might provide in more practical/straight forward and less sentimental ways. Again, house position,aspects,degrees, etc will give nuance
🪸✨I find Virgo and Aquarius are so similar in that they’re kinda judgmental of people and also tend to be very detached and analytical
🪻✨A crazy amount of athletes and fitness people have debilitated Mars
🪸✨I've also seen a lot of YouTubers, podcast hosts, etc have Sun-Mercury conjunction which makes a lot of sense lol
🪻✨Moon/Venus in Scorpio/8th house natives have a 'I hate everyone but you' kind of love. They really do have a level of misanthropy in their personality but it's low-key amusing
🪸✨Couples that have this best friends and partners in crime dynamics always have 3rd house synastry, I haven’t really seen 11th house as much… The 3rd house creates a fraternal understanding in a couple, two keen minds thinking alike (Gemini, twins, etc)
🪻✨I’ve actually observed 11th house synastry is pretty messy??? It creates connections (any kind) that are a bit all over the place tbh. You really don’t know if you’re gonna be together forever or fall apart tomorrow. You haven’t talked to each in years now one of you is reaching out like nothing happened and both people are keeping it chill the whole time specially the planet person. I guess this dynamic is okay between friends, colleagues or acquaintances (which is what this house rules) but when it’s a romantic or more intimate relationship…. Like I said it’s just messy, not necessarily bad, it be can refreshing and exciting but it has to be your cup of tea (I assume Air venus/mars people will dig it). You’re always wondering what’s next with this person, it feels like the sky’s the limit. I’ve seen this synastry a lot in couples who make odd decisions in the relationship that make people often question if the couple is actually serious about each other like that or not like being engaged for too long, etc
🪸✨Capricorn moons are extroverted or at least they easily pass as extroverts in social situations. They really stand out to me for having a very defined public persona that they’re mostly known for but they’re not really like that in private at all, you’d be surprised for better or for worse lmao
🪻✨"My love language is all of them" = Leo Venus
🪸✨Virgo placements are just as talkative as Gemini placements, they ramble just as much (Mercury). The difference is Virgo’s speeches are usually more thoughtout and eloquent like a presentation they’ve practiced a hundred times, in fact they tend to talk about the same stuff and repeat the same jokes, themes and rambles in most conversations because they like to stick to what they know (earth). They’re 100% the type to give you an unsolicited lecture on whatever it is they’re interested in. Gemini’s speech on the other hand is usually more spontaneous, random and chaotic, they tend to brainstorm out loud and enjoy finding new ideas in conversations (air). They’re more likely to wonder, play with ideas and ask ‘what if’ questions cause they like to explore the possible connections of different things
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🪻✨Pluto-asc aspects/Pluto in the 1st house/Scorpio rising come across as the cool girl/boy. They always have some unattainable energy to them that people secretly look up to and this admiration often translates into jealousy
🪸✨Aries in the big 3 always have something with their forehead. Either they have a big forehead or they have a sacar there etc
🪻✨Capricorn placements work hard and party HARDER. This results in them having a rather fast-paced life style honestly
🪸✨Istg Virgo Moons got a stick up their ass. In their minds they are judge, jury and executioner and never give people grace or just the benefit of the doubt. I don't doubt they're soft deep down but damn they can be very very stubborn and they can get mean easily.
🪻✨Best Virgo placement imo is Virgo mars, I’ve noticed they tend to channel the best traits of virgo (constructive criticism, self-accountability, collaborative, understanding but know what they don’t tolerate)
🪸✨When I first joined Tumblr I read an observation that said Aphrodite (1388) conjunct Mars creates injuries or scars from beauty products and that is SO true! I have this and I've burnt myself several times with curling irons and laser hair removal gadgets
🪻✨All the people I’ve met who loved country music, country life style and that sort of cowboy aesthetic mostly had Sagittarius placements 🤠🐎 (myself included lmao)
🪸✨People with Virgo+Scorpio placements are the most intimidating people I've ever met. Imagine the nitpickyness of Virgo mixed with the intensity of Scorpio.... yeah... not the best at going easy on others or letting people in. Don't test them, they have a “get away from me you fucking scumbag” energy whenever they’re upset or simply dislike something and are the hardest to please. They are very sensitive deep down tho, very sweet and selfless if they genuinely like you.
🪻✨Sagittarius is the master, teacher, guru and guide so it makes a lot of sense for the Sagittarius Pluto generation to be hung up and obsessed (pluto) with influencers, life coaches, etc (sag)
🪸✨Moon in the 3rd house natives tend to make vey quirky movements and gestures with their mouth/jaw when they speak or they're very expressive with their mouth like they may grimace or pout a lot
🪻✨Cancer Mars men are huge mamas boyzzzz!! The type to be completely dependent on their moms/wives to even fry an egg and provide overall home security. They will marry a dominant woman who is fully or mostly in charge of the house and family stuff
🪸✨Speaking of, men with domicile or exalted mars (Aries, Scorpio, Capricorn Mars) can be huge assholes if underdeveloped. If immature they can channel toxic masculinity since mars feels very comfortable here it could go a bit overboard and give fuckboy vibes. The type to be very controlling, inconsiderate and always feel entitled to sex
🪻✨On the opposite end, men with debilitated mars (Libra, Taurus, Cancer Mars) are super chivalrous and often present themselves as very polite, thoughtful and modest. Very popular among women for sure. They can be players and have huge ego too if not mature but even then their energy is very inviting
🪸✨Fire moons process their feelings by letting things out in the moment as they come either through anger, humor or simply speaking their mind. They can often appear rude when expressing something that they feel very strongly about but they'll always value authenticity above anything else
🪻✨Earth moons process their feelings by creating a course of action. Like they internally make a plan for things they will do in oder to make themselves feel better, fix their issue or fulfill their needs on a long-term/permanent basis. They could develop a whole personal system or life style that caters to their emotional needs
🪸✨As we all know Air Moons process their feelings by rationalizing their emotions. Ironically, this can make them lack some emotional intelligence because they put so much focus on their feelings making sense that they don't allow themselves to feel their feelings and figure out what genuinely feels right for them
🪻✨Water moons process their feelings by fully owning their emotions. They find comfort in the mere validity of their own feelings which is why they often have this tendency to victimize themselves, blame others for their issues and constantly look for sympathy
🪸✨I’ve very very very often seen Sagittarius/Jupiter in 7th house, Sagittarius Groom/Juno/Briede creates age gap with spouse!!! As mentioned, Sagittarius is the master and guide of the zodiac so with the influence of this sign in your marriage you are bound to have a teacher-student dynamic where either one of you has much more life experience specially in relationships
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work by astrobydalia
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