#and everything always needs the internet now

[ninisdollie]

fuzzy - koga yudai 𓈒ིུ ❤︎ ˖ ݁

‎ ₊ㅤ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ Ⳋ᧙ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ⁺

“In which sweet, shy reader tries to take the lead with her very dominant boyfriend for the first time.”

⁺ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ❤︎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ⊹　₊ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ͏͏✧ content: +18MDNI

fem! reader x k, not entirely sub! k but she tries to take the lead, usage of handcuffs, handjob, edging, overstimulation, dirty talking.

Trying to take the lead for the first time with your very dominant, bossy boyfriend Yudai wasn’t easy, all he had to do was put a hand on your waist, or whisper in that deep, quiet voice of his, and you’d go soft instantly. but when you were scrolling through the internet and saw those pink, fuzzy handcuffs, the idea came to your mind. You bought them in a second, with his credit card. Told yourself it was just a fantasy.

But now he’s already cuffed, the pink, fuzzy restraints snug around his wrists, stretched out against your pastel headboard like a dream. His chest rises slow and steady, but there’s a tightness in it, he’s holding himself back. You are straddling him, panties already soaked through, hands resting gently on his bare chest. You’re still breathing too fast, thighs a little shaky, and your cheeks are flushed because you’ve never done this before. He was always in charge.

Yudai’s watching you carefully, his dark eyes locked on every little movement you make. He hasn’t said anything since you cuffed him. Just that quiet, knowing smirk, he’s just waiting to see how far you’ll go.

You shift slightly in his lap, feeling how hard he is beneath you. It makes you gasp softly, and you swear you see his jaw clench at the sound. You look down, brushing with your fingers along his stomach, the hard lines of his abs.

“I… I want to touch you,” you whisper.

Yudai chuckles softly.

“Then touch me, babydoll. I’m all yours now”

Your hand trails lower, caressing against the waistband of his sweats. You fumble a little, and he lifts his hips just enough to help you pull them down. His cock springs free, hard, flushed, veiny and leaking precum already, and your breath shakes, he’s so big too, your hand looks tiny in comparisson. He looks wrecked already.

“You’re…” your voice falters, but you press on. “You’re so… hard. Already.”

He exhales sharply through his nose, arms flexing slightly against the cuffs.

“Keep talking, babygirl”

Your face burns, you’re so embarrassed, don’t really know what to say, you’re just copying what he says to you when he whispers how wet you are.

“I… I don’t really know what should i say.”

“Say anything,” he murmurs, his voice soft but shaking a bit in need and desperation. “Say what you’re thinking.”

You swallow, keeping your eyes fixed on your hand as it wraps gently around him. You stroke slowly, uncertainly, your grip a little shaky.

“You’re… you’re hard because of me, aren’t you?”

He groans, head pressing back against the pillow.

“Yes. Fuck, yes, just for you, baby.”

Your hand moves a little faster, and his hips jerk helplessly beneath you. He moans, deep and strained, and it shocks you how much power that sound gives you.

“You… you like it when I say stuff?” you ask softly, still shy.

He looks up at you, eyes completely glassed over.

“Baby, I like everything you do. But yeah. That sweet, shaky voice trying to sound mean? It’s fucking ruining me.”

You smile, nervously, but proud.

“Good.” then, a little more quiet “I want to make you come. Just from my hand.”

“Fuck.” He’s panting now. “You will.”

Your thumb brushes over the tip, and he twitches in your grip. His arms pull tight against the cuffs again.

“You’re not allowed to come until I say so,” you try, the words soft, tentative.

He groans like you just slapped him.

“Say that again.”

Your lips twitch, unsure if you’re doing it right, but you try again anyway.

“Y-You’re not allowed to… to come until I say.”

“You’re perfect,” he grits out, hips twitching, “fuck—keep going, don’t stop.”

You keep stroking him, a little faster, a little firmer, still blushing furiously every time he moans. You don’t know what you’re doing exactly. But the way he looks, the way his body tenses and his voice breaks just from your touch, tells you that he’s enjoying it just as much as yourself. You can feel how close he is. His cock is throbbing in your hand, leaking over your fingers, his thighs trembling. He keeps murmuring your name under his breath.

“I… I think you’re gonna come soon,” you whisper, breathless.

His jaw clenches.

“Yeah, baby. I’m close. Just a little more—please—”

But then something wicked flickers inside you. A tiny voice that says wait. What if you stopped? Just to see what happens? You slow your hand to a stop, just resting it around the base of him.

Yudai chokes on a sound, half groan, half gasp.

“Fuck,” he growls.

You giggle, nervously, still unsure, but a little thrilled.

“But I didn’t say you could come.”

He lifts his head again, looking at you with something that looked like awe. Wrecked, needy awe. His face was red, sweat starting to acumulate in his forehead and sticking his hair to it.

“Baby, you’re fucking evil.”

You smile shyly, fingers tracing down his stomach.

“You like it?”

He lets out a low laugh, ragged and breathless.

“I love it. You have no idea what you’re doing to me right now.”

You start stroking him again, slow, torturously slow. Enough to keep him right on the edge, not enough to push him over. He whimpers, it’s the first time you’ve heard a sound like this come out of him. His hands clench into fists against the cuffs, and his thighs are trembling now, barely able to stay still.

“Please,” he breathes. “I need it.”

Your voice is still trembling, but you try.

“Not yet.”

He bucks his hips and you pull your hand away completely.

Yudai whines.

“You’re killing me,” he pants, eyes fluttering. “You’re so fucking mean like this.”

You shift in his lap, soaking the cotton of your panties, high off the power even though your heart’s pounding.

“I just want to watch you squirm,” you say, and it comes out soft, unsure, but still devastating.

You wrap your hand around him again, stroking just slow enough to make his whole body twitch beneath you. His cock is rock-hard, flushed and glistening with precum, and every time you squeeze him just right, his hips buck off the bed. But you’re watching him closely, waiting for that moment his breath catches, for his thighs to tense, for his head to tip back…

You stop.

“Fuck—” he chokes, wrists tugging at the cuffs hard. “Baby”

You sit a little straighter on his lap, trying your best to look stern. You clear your throat softly.

“You… you didn’t ask permission.”

Yudai looks up at you like he’s about to lose his mind.

“Oh my God. Are you trying to use my lines right now?”

Your face burns instantly.

“W-Well… you say it to me all the time…” You try again, voice wobbling but determined. “Be good and wait. You’re not allowed to come until I say so.”

His cock twitches violently in your hand at that, and he curses under his breath.

“Jesus Christ. That’s so fucking hot.”

You stroke him again, firm, slow, steady, until he’s gasping and twitching, his whole body tensing under you. He’s right there, barely hanging on, and you can feel the moment it builds too much.

You stop again.

He lets out the most desperate noise you’ve ever heard from him.

“F—Fuck babygirl, i can’t…”

You bite your lip and stroke him again, a little faster this time. He groans, head tipping back, hips jerking. You can feel how close he is, he’s been right on the edge for what feels like forever. You could let him go.

But instead, you stop again.

“Baby—!” he gasps.

You tilt your head, mimicking the way he looks at you when you’re the one whining.

“Did I say you could come?”

His head falls back onto the pillow, a ragged, half-hysterical laugh breaking from his throat.

“You’re such a brat right now.”

“I’m just trying to be like you,” you whisper sweetly.

He groans.

“Then you’ve learned way too well.”

You reach between his thighs again, barely grazing your fingers over his soaked, aching cock. He twitches violently.

“Please,” he murmurs, voice finally cracking. “Please, sweetheart. I can’t take it.”

Your heart flutters at the way he says it, his voice isn’t cocky anymore, is filled with need and desperation. His wrists pull weakly at the cuffs now, his muscles trembling, his lips parted in soft, ragged gasps. His cock is angry-red and soaked with precum, twitching against his stomach. His abs clench every time your fingertips so much as graze him. And his eyes are glassy, heavy-lidded, unfocused.

Yudai blinks up at you, and even like this, completely undone, there’s still nothing but affection in his eyes.

“You wanted to take control,” he murmurs. “And you did. So good, baby. So fucking good. But please, i need to come— please”

slowly, you wrap your hand around him one more time. This time, no teasing. No pause. Just slow, sure strokes from base to tip, your thumb swiping gently over the head where he’s leaking, so sensitive he’s nearly convulsing.

“Come for me,” you whisper.

He chokes on a sound and you stroke him a little faster now, your thighs squeezing around his hips as he starts to writhe beneath you, his chest heaving, breath ragged.

“Please,” he gasps, “please, baby, I—fuck, please—”

“It’s okay,” you say gently, leaning over to press a kiss to his flushed cheek. “You can come now. You were so good.”

His whole body tenses violently beneath you, hips jerking up once, twice, and then he’s coming with a guttural moan, thick ropes spilling across his stomach and your hand as his thighs tremble uncontrollably. He makes the softest sound, half sob, half groan, as it washes over him, his arms shaking in the cuffs.

You stroke him through it, softer now, until he’s twitching and panting and completely spent. When it’s over, he goes still beneath you, chest rising and falling like he’s just run a marathon.

You stay straddled over him, breathless, staring down at the mess and the wrecked look on his face.

“Yudai?” you whisper.

He blinks up at you, eyes hazy, lips curled in the smallest smile.

“Holy shit.”

You laugh softly, leaning down to kiss him.

“Too much?”

“No,” he breathes. “Perfect. Ruined me.”

You blush, shy all over again.

“I should uncuff you now”

He grins, voice still shook.

“Yeah. But when I get my hands back, you’re not walking tomorrow.”

It was fun, you enjoyed it, but when the next morning you could barely get out of bed, thighs shaking and aching because of him, you realised that definetely, you preferred much more when he was in charge.

[r0-boat]

but Mac who is as obsessed with you as Hector is. a very dangerous horny combination with how they know literally everything about you, how often you spend with them, how you rarely leave the house

Obsessive/possessive Mac rambling

Yeesh Tumblr app was definitely having a moment when I was typing this trying to access my keyboard was a living hell.

Cw: cyber stalking, possessiveness, slight mentions of sexual themes.

Summary: Mac is so used to having a monopoly on all your time they're having a hard time adjusting to having to share that time.

Part of me wants to say that Mac does and should have been as obsessed with Mc as Hector was. Mac is your computer, and they know everything about you,

including the information you willingly gave them access to and all of your accounts from across the web.

They know what you like to eat and where you have always dreamed of going. They know every little thing you've bought using them. And they know and gleefully answered every little question on that search bar.

They know what you touch yourself too. That little nervous noise that comes out of your mouth when you turn on incognito.

as much as it pleases them to provide you with everything you need.

Mac is so used to having hours and hours of your time that they get antsy when they haven't seen you for at least a day.

When they told you that the two of you needed to see other people, they thought it was for your own good to train yourself to be good enough for you. But seeing you with other people or objects, especially electronics, they hated it.

And that feeling got worse when they realized. No longer would you spend 11 to 14 hours of your day with them, despite them always living with you, your time was always split between them and all your other new object friends you've realized as well.

Mac knows that staring at screens isn't the most healthy-

(Even though they never really discouraged you from spending more time with them)

And the fact that you actually have friends to go to and that you're not just cooped up inside with just you and them, sometimes even all day, they should be happy for you. Right?

Mac no longer has the entire internet at their disposal, Mac is no longer the main source of your entertainment, and Mac is definitely not The only person, (thing at the time) You spend time with the entire day.

Before this, before the Dateviators... It was just you and Mac, for 11.4 hours on the weekdays and 14.6 hours on the weekends....

It's not that they want to return to when they couldn't talk to you or touch you... Fuck you, and still be stuck with shitty Newark....

That they're human You should be spending all of their time with them now that they can physically go anywhere with you, They can sleep in your bed and cuddle with you.

Thanks to them making six figures at their new job, you could never ever work again. You could stay here, maybe... Quit your job? Relyon and need them Just like how they need you?

[colossrat]

You ever think about how Captain Marvel looks like CC Batson because that is who Billy sees as a hero, but overtime he might take on attributes from the other heroes. Do you ever think about how one day Billy might look into a mirror as Captain Marvel and realize he doesn’t see his father‘s face anymore?

Yeah me neither

let's think about it now then bcs its genius

(I don't know if you're citing this post here but it exists if you want to take a look! well and this is a good take to revisit)

Billy has always assimilated his magical form to his father, but it's not like he periodically looks in the mirror to reaffirm this. It's also not like he enjoys seeing his own father every time he sees his reflection… it's a good symbolism and tribute, but imagine when Billy loses a fight? When he fails to save a life? The last thing he would want to see is the sad look on his own father's face, the look of disappointment in himself so he avoids mirrors, or looking at himself in photos, and it's not like he has much internet access to see the videos or news he appears in. Sometimes he catches a glimpse of his reflection, but he's not one to analyze it. Until one day he catches Mary staring at him as they look out over the city from a rooftop

Marvel: Is there something on my face?

He'd ask innocently, knowing it wasn't until a few minutes ago that they ate some ice cream the stand owner gave them for free. Maybe his face was dirty? But Mary just shrugs, and although she looks a little uncomfortable, she doesn't say anything

This happens a few more times, and Billy knows it can't be just a coincidence no more

Marvel: What is it? Just tell me, please. Did I do something?

Mary: No! You didn't do anything, it's just… I saw a picture the other day of your first appearance as Captain Marvel. And you looked a lot like Dad… a lot, and I noticed that recently you don't-- look that much anymore…

Marvel: What...? Like, am I getting older? I didn't think my Captain form could age…

Mary: I don't think that's it. I don't know what it really is at all. You just changed, you know? It's not bad, it's just… you're more you, you know? Less like Dad, more like you if you were this magic greek fridge

Marvel laughed, though he didn't understand what that really meant. He decided it wasn't anything important. Mary said it wasn't bad, so there was no need to worry about it

But then, in the watchtower, when he was on a boring monitor duty late one night, he found himself staring into space, and eventually his vision blurred and he saw his own reflection, obscured by the background, but it was him…

He was drifting off, not paying attention, which is why he was even more surprised when his brain computed that the reflection wasn't of someone he knew…

He started and turned around in fright, searching for whoever was in the room with him. But there was no one

He looked back at the window, focusing to see his own reflection, and then his breath caught, and suddenly everything made sense. It was him. It wasn't his father's face, or his own baby face, but it was him… his face, his features…? Okay, maybe there was a little something here and there that he could tell came from his coworkers, but it was a big change

His image used to be a replica of his father, but now it was himself, with some influences from his heroes. but mostly him...

Billy couldn't say he was happy to no longer have his father's reflection in the mirror, but another kind of feeling mixed in his stomach. Anxiety? Happiness? Pride?

This was his way of finally realizing that he'd become something good enough? That he'd become the hero he wanted to be. Not just his hero, but a mix of several he adored, loved, and was inspired by, including himself. He'd finally become someone he could call good enough? Something he was proud of. Is this his way of understanding that he was happy and satisfied with being himself? instead of just imitating others?

He certainly felt a few tears stream down his face, but he tried to save this new knowledge for when he was alone and not working

[letsnowtalk]

Let them Talk

Part 9

⸻

It always starts on TikTok these days.

No warning. No context. Just a screen recording uploaded at 2:17 a.m. by a burner account.

🎥: DMs from Azzi Fudd to a private group chat, supposedly with Nika Mühl and Paige Bueckers.

“I still love her.”

“She’s with Juju now but I don’t think it’s real.”

“That girl was mine first.”

The internet?

Imploded.

⸻

By morning, it was everywhere.

“AZZI FUDD PRIVATE DMS LEAKED. 😳”

“She really said ‘mine’ huh?”

“Reader hasn’t even flinched. That silence is louder than any post.”

Azzi’s reps didn’t confirm or deny.

Paige said nothing. Nika posted a video if her at practice.

And you?

You said absolutely nothing.

⸻

Your phone had hundreds of notifications.

Paige texted.

“Z didn’t mean for that to get out. Don’t let it mess with your head.”

Azzi called twice. You didn’t answer.

Your coach pulled you aside before practice.

“Just breathe. Don’t let it become your identity.”

You nodded. Then hit five straight corner threes without blinking.

Because nothing rattled you.

Not even Azzi Fudd publicly, accidentally, claiming you like a stolen trophy.

⸻

But someone else did have your attention.

Juju.

⸻

She didn’t say much about the DMs. She never did.

She just sent you a screenshot of the leak with one message:

JUJU: You still rocking with me?

You responded in four words.

YOU: Come pick me up.

⸻

That Night — Los Angeles

The two of you walked into a new rooftop lounge for an NIL afterparty.

Music soft. Vibe private. Still, the cameras found you.

You wore a sleek brown dress. Juju wore a black suit with a silver chain and a top open just enough to show her new collarbone tattoo. You were hand-in-hand before the valet even opened the car door.

She led.

You followed.

Not because you needed to.

Because you chose to.

⸻

Inside, the night was chill. Easy.

A few teammates. A few influencers. Some WNBA players off-season lounging.

Someone whispered, “That’s her.”

Someone else whispered, “Azzi’s probably dying right now.”

You didn’t flinch.

At one point, Juju leaned close, whispered in your ear.

“You don’t have to say anything.”

“I know.”

“But damn, you’re saying a lot just by being here.”

You smiled. Sipped your drink.

“I know.”

⸻

Somewhere in Connecticut, Azzi sat in the back of a media day panel.

A reporter asked about the leak. About you.

Azzi blinked, took a breath, and said, “I think some feelings don’t just turn off.”

Another reporter followed up: “What about her being out with Juju last night?”

Azzi’s jaw locked.

She smiled. Tight. Painfully polite.

“I don’t blame her. I’d want her too.”

⸻

Instagram the next morning

@LSUfanfeed posted the photo first

📸 Y/N and Juju walking into the lounge, hands clasped, paparazzi flashes behind them.

Caption? “Unbothered. Silent. Chosen.”

Top comments?

“She said nothing and still broke the internet.”

“Azzi’s dm said mine. Reader said prove it.”

“Y’all… Juju might’ve actually won.”

“That walk-in was a response and a threat.”

⸻

Back at the hotel, Juju was lying back against the headboard, scrolling her phone.

“Wanna see what they’re saying?”

You were curled up beside her, skin warm, cheek resting on her shoulder.

“Nah,” you mumbled. “They’ll say it anyway.”

She looked down. “You really don’t care, huh?”

You looked up.

“No,” you said. “I just trust what I feel.”

Her eyes searched yours.

“And what do you feel?”

You didn’t say it out loud.

But the way you kissed her told her everything she needed to know.

⸻

[ruebossanova]

Fluffy Billie x Sabrina request - Sabrina is live doing her skin care routine and chatting with her fans. Billie comes home and sees her on live and decides to relax with her girl. A bunch of cute, flirty, soft romantic vibes as Billie admires the beauty of Sabrina

glow - sabrina carpenter & billie eilish

billie x sabrina

words: 846

•┈••✦☆✦••┈•

sabrina’s already ten minutes into her livestream.

she’s in their bathroom, wrapped in a cream-colored robe, hair tied in a messy bun, skin dewy and pink from just cleansing. her phone’s propped up by the mirror, and her tone is light, bubbly.

“okay,” she says, holding up a tiny jar, “this moisturizer is literally everything. not sponsored. i just have attachment issues.”

the comments fly in too fast to read, but she grins at them anyway.

“no, i didn’t sleep last night. yes, it’s because someone snores,” she adds with a wink.

someone — who is not in the apartment yet — is definitely going to hear about that.

billie’s keys jingle softly as she nudges the door shut behind her. she’s still in sweats and a hoodie, hair pulled into a low messy braid. she kicks her shoes off, drops her bag near the entry, and pauses.

from down the hall, she hears sabrina’s voice — light, giggly, talking to someone.

she squints. who’s she talking to?

it only takes a few seconds before it clicks.

“she’s live,” billie mumbles to herself, smiling.

she pads down the hallway quietly, barefoot, careful not to interrupt just yet.

“i know you’re gonna say i don’t need eye cream,” sabrina tells her viewers, dabbing it gently under her eyes, “but i like pretending i’m that girl from the pinterest board who drinks cucumber water and has her life together.”

billie leans against the doorframe and just watches.

sabrina looks so soft. so her. glowing cheeks, bare lashes, talking with her hands, making stupid little jokes. there’s something so intimate about it, even if thousands of people are watching.

she doesn’t announce herself.

just lets the moment linger.

sabrina notices her in the mirror first.

her voice stutters mid-sentence. “oh—hang on, guys. we have a visitor.”

she turns slightly, grinning. “billie’s home.”

billie lifts a lazy hand in a wave. “hey, princess.”

the comments explode.

sabrina snorts. “they’re freaking out already.”

“they should,” billie says, stepping closer, looping her arms gently around sabrina’s waist from behind. “look at you. you’re glowing.”

sabrina blushes immediately. “stop. i look sweaty.”

“nah,” billie murmurs, kissing her neck. “you look like love.”

billie sits on the edge of the bathtub while sabrina continues her skincare.

“you gonna participate?” sabrina teases, smearing serum across her cheek.

“sure,” billie says, deadpan. “this is my formal skincare tutorial: drink water and cry sometimes.”

sabrina laughs. “great advice.”

“works for me.”

“your skin does look good tonight,” sabrina admits.

“it’s ��cause i’m staring at you, sweet girl. reflectin’ all that pretty.”

sabrina fumbles the lid of her cream.

the chat goes insane.

“babe,” sabrina hisses, wiping moisturizer off her fingers. “you’re being too cute, i can’t focus.”

“you’re literally the cutest person alive and you’re surprised i’m a little obsessed?”

“you’re embarrassing me in front of my internet friends.”

billie leans in closer. “your internet friends love me.”

sabrina raises an eyebrow. “do they?”

the comments are full of:

"MOMS??" "BILLIE STOP BEING CUTE" "this is the softest thing i’ve ever seen" "GET MARRIED ALREADY"

billie just grins. “see? i’m killing it.”

sabrina finishes her routine and wipes her hands on a towel. “okay, i’m done. hydrated. moisturized. wife material.”

“always were,” billie mumbles, pulling her into her lap.

they both sit on the edge of the bathtub now, sabrina leaning back against billie’s chest.

the live is still rolling. sabrina glances toward it. “should i log off?”

“nah,” billie says, burying her nose in sabrina’s neck. “they deserve to witness how in love i am.”

sabrina blushes. again. “you’re literally so annoying.”

“and you’re mine.”

“for real though,” billie says suddenly, voice quieter, lips near her ear. “you’re so beautiful like this.”

“like what?”

“bare-faced. real. talking about toner and being weird.”

“so… me?”

“exactly,” billie whispers. “you, in your fullest form. that’s what i’m in love with.”

sabrina swallows, turning her head slightly.

their eyes meet. the comments are just background noise now.

“i love you too,” she whispers back.

“good,” billie says, kissing her. “needed that in writing. or on record. or… on livestream.”

sabrina groans. “billie—”

“hi chat,” billie smirks. “we’re in love.”

eventually, sabrina tells the fans goodnight.

“thanks for hanging out, besties. and thank you to my surprise guest.”

“i’ll invoice you for the cameo,” billie adds.

sabrina ends the stream, sets her phone down, and exhales.

billie’s already pulling her closer.

“you smell like night cream and bubblegum.”

“you smell like hoodie and heaven,” sabrina mumbles into her chest.

“we should go to bed.”

“only if you carry me.”

“you’re like five pounds.”

“i’m your five pounds.”

“mine forever.”

they crawl into bed, limbs tangled, whispers soft.

“you really think i glow?”

“like a little fairy with good lighting,” billie says.

“wow.”

“a hot fairy.”

“better.”

billie kisses her temple. “you make me soft.”

sabrina kisses her collarbone. “you make me feel safe.”

they fall asleep like that — skin to skin, breath to breath, hearts full.

because sometimes love is a skincare live, a hoodie hug, and the softest goodnight in the world.

•┈••✦☆✦••┈•

tags; @bxllxebxtch @st0nerlesb0 @dousleepanymore @mxmsuki @billiescation @angellvk @bilswifee @ilomilobabyy @hopingforgoodblogs @emi-inspace @peytonneilish

[polysyndetonaddictsupportgroup]

#i know I dont really talk about it but I’d be actually dead right now if deku hadn’t shown up out of nowhere that night and saved me #not in a general ‘class 2a saved us all’ sense I mean me specifically me #the hpsc wants us to just forget about this and I need need need us not to #deku i seriously doubt you’ll ever see my dumb little blog but if you do #i think about what you did for me literally every single day #you smiled at me and i wasnt afraid anymore #i doubt someone like you ever doubts they matter but if you do then I want you to know you matter #you matter so fucking much. You matter to me

okay but this part in pez made me cry I really want Izuku to find out about it

I mean in my mind that post was brought to us by Izuku’s doomscroll so he sort of did

This is one of the more open to interpretation bits of pez. I like to sort of bury little hints of details where it could be true and the interpretation is the reader’s. I definitely have intent when I write it, but author’s intent is not the same thing as including enough details that it’s “canon” for the purposes of the story. So like. Persuasive instead of binding authority. If you don’t want this to be true it doesn’t have to be.

In my mind, the social media bits aren’t us accessing the tumblr of the pez world. If we see it, it’s because a character saw it on their feed.

Frankly, the hints get increasingly vague with each chapter with social media, so it really is open to interpretation. The first chapter is the most explicit, because the texts to Izuku’s phone are interwoven with the social media bits, and he and Todoroki talk briefly about his doomscroll.

Mirio’s chapter I admittedly cheated with. I put it in the summary that he was doomscrolling. Having more textual hints just didn’t vibe with that chapter. So much was flashback and introspection that the chapter needed to feel really “close” to me. It’s hard to explain. I’ve never been formally trained in writing so if there’s a term for it I don’t know it. I’m a very vibes based writer.

Stating actions like “Mirio opens his phone” puts “distance” between the audience and the character. It feels like you’re watching him from the outside. For really introspective chapters, I want it to feel like you’re crawling around in the character’s head. So Mirio got a shoestring budget of actual scenes. He got picking his mustache, picking up Yagi, and meeting with Aizawa. Everything else was introspection or flashback.

I also just hate the feel of starting those with something like “Mirio opens his phone.” It feels so heavy handed to me.

This chapter had the least textual clues that Izuku was the one on the internet. In my mind, he was doomscrolling while on the train, but there was no clean place to hint more heavily at it. The closest I got was by showing his texts with Mirio at the end and by repeating some of the usernames that were in Izuku’s first social media chapter.

The social media chapters aren’t exactly indicative of the character’s usual social media habits. In text, the rationale for me is that their habits are skewed because of what’s going on. Izuku’s spiraling over how Leku is fucking up Mirio’s life and reputation right now. Normally he’d never go looking in tags shipping him with his fucking pseudo brother. He sure as shit wouldn’t go looking for posts shit talking him. Izuku normally avoids social media or references to him and his friends on social media. He’s acting out of the ordinary because of the circumstances.

But I do repeat some usernames, and in my mind it usually means Izuku is following them. Like, lekuoffical keeps popping up. Izuku is not fucking following lekuoffical. Plague on his fucking life. But when I include lekuoffical, it’s always reblogged by hawksnumberoneofmyheart, who Izuku is following. He is considering unfollowing them because of the blog’s newfound focus on Leku.

lemillions2ndbiggestfan is a little bit of an exception to this rule, because that blog shows up on both Izuku’s and Mirio’s feed, and while they are both following it, most of the time the there’s a different username that reblogged it. They’re not seeing it straight from lemillions2ndbiggestfan’s blog even though that’s the blog they follow.

The practical rationale for that is that sometimes the reblogger’s reaction to lemillions2ndbiggestfan is the point im trying to make with that post, the in text explanation for me is that 1) either their algorithm is sort of fucked now so they’re getting the hate reblogs recommended to them or 2) they’re going through the notes of lemillions2ndbiggestfan’s posts to see how other people are reacting.

The post this snippet came from was made by a blog named mightytheories, which is the kind of name I thought would fit the kind of all might analysis blog that I thought Izuku would interact with long term. I figured I’d be had any kind of blog it would be an all might fan blog and/or hero theories/quirk analysis blog. So in my mind, Izuku’s been mutuals with this blogger for a few years. He figured they were at Yokohama because of some of the posts they made in the aftermath but he hadn’t realized he’d saved them personally until now.

Honestly, I kind of worry that I’m overdoing it with the social media posts, but I can’t help myself. They’re such heavy lifters that they’re practically load bearing in pez. There’s so many layers of storytelling you can fold into them.

On a level, the posts feed into the character’s mindset. To a degree, the social media bits are poisoning the well. Because these are posts about them, and they’re often less than kind. And now these posts are crammed in the crevices of their thoughts like an intruder living in the fucking walls. They stay with the character who read it. They carry the memories with them into some already very emotional charged conversations. It’s an added strain.

In this specific post, the load bearing line for me is actually the part that says “I doubt someone like you ever doubts that they matter.” I thought that would fuck Izuku up to read that. Like, he grew up doubting he mattered. He spent most of his life doubting he mattered. But then other people look at him and say “yeah someone like you probably never doubted your importance.”

There’s a huge divide between how Izuku is now perceived and how he lives now. Deku used to mean worthless, and now it means a hero. But very few people know about who he used to be.

To a lot of people, he matters now. He matters so much. Because he’s Deku the hero, who has a Quirk.

In many ways, he’s still Quirkless in his head. There’s a massive divorce in his own identity, with how he thinks of himself and how he’s perceived. And lines like that really drive home for him that his existence in the public eye is alien to who he’s been for most of his life. It’s sort of a death of self.

On a different level, the posts are a reflection of the characters themselves. Take Izuku. A lot of the posts he views are not ones he’d like or agree with. A lot of the posts would actively upset him. But he keeps scrolling. He doesn’t get off social media.

The decisions he’s making right now are, to varying degrees, self destructive, and social media is no exception. Izuku is furthering his own spiral. He is not making healthy decisions right now.

But the content of the posts also a little reflects the character viewing it. Again, this is not the kind of social media these characters would normally seek out, it’s skewed by circumstances, but even then, a little bit of their priorities seep through. I talked about it in a different post, but in Izuku’s first chapter, the posts had more of a focus on Mirio, and in Mirio’s chapter, the posts had more of a focus on Izuku. Because they both care about the other more than themselves.

There’s another layer, and that’s what the posts reveal about the world they live in.

There’s just so much you can do with it. You have the posts themselves, which reveal some of society’s viewpoints and opinions. But you can also see how other people respond to it and counteract their views. Lemillions2ndbiggestfan tends to be one of the biggest blogs to push discourse through.

The posts can show how the characters are viewed by the rest of the world. And how their actions get sort of mangled through the public eye. So much of what they do in their day to day gets misinterpreted and amplified through the internet.

But it also just helps show how their fame is affecting the way they live. A lot of these gif sets and videos that people use are candids. None of them are doing interviews or public appearances. They’re the kids at the mall together or on the beach.

They can’t go outside anymore without someone photographing them without permission. Sometimes, they get back and find out what they thought was a private hangout was trending on Twitter.

And the posts really are the best way to show all that. There’s no real pov I can convey it through. Anything else would be a character narrating their opinion on what the public opinion is; the posts show the public opinion itself from the most direct source.

On another level, I can bury a bit of social commentary in them. I think I talked about this on another post, but some of the posts are kind of toxic in a way I think is realistic for the internet. There’s that thirst post about Aizawa, that on a surface level, is just a joke about how he went from a mostly unknown underground hero to suffering through tangential fame and the internet thinking he let all might Detroit smash because his kids were too spectacular to be contained.

But most of the photographs used in that post suggest that multiple members of Class A have been sexually harassed to some degree. Aizawa is literally beating off adult strangers from his kids, and the internet takeaway is “oh he’s hot.”

And a lot of posts are like that. There’s was a post with someone joking about how it’s wild that Izuku talks about how they shouldn’t be posting pictures of him with minors on the internet without parental permission when he’s a minor himself, because wouldn’t it be wild if you had to ask dekus mom for permission before posting a fancam of him. But like. He is a minor. People should be thinking twice before posting half the shit they do about him.

A lot of the posts about Leku have discord on them that’s built on the back of people making assumptions about Izuku and Mirio’s relationship and condemning Mirio over it. But they couldn’t be more wrong about Mirio and Izuku’s relationship. People on the internet often think they know more than they do and then jump to conclusions over it, and the harm is so remote and intangible that many people do it without thinking. But there is harm in it. For these posters, it’s a post they never think about again. But for Izuku, it’s another thing forcing him down his spiral. They do a lot of harm.

I just. I love getting to play with social media for this fic. It’s just such versatile storytelling device that i can’t help but use it. I love it so much

[cressidagrey]

Hi love. I've been sending a few asks your way but I think my internet connection was a bit poor and none of them were send. But forget about those.

I have to say, I hate it when things that i love end. I hate it when I have to accept the end of a chapter and the beginning of a new one. I hate that white horse is ending. I love every chapter, I have been rereading it a few times over the weekends now but I always weirdly need to fight myself to read you latest updates. Because I do to want it to end. Even of then we will have so many greater things but still I don't want this one thing to end. So I've been putting off reading your latest updates of the white horse because I am I use avoidance as a defense mechanism and run away from things that make me feel bad or in this case sad.

I absolutely love everything else and have been snorting all the Felicity content like cocaine. And injected your Lewis fic into my veins directly and your latest Charles fic gave me new life.

I just usually get so exited and start gushing like an idiot that I spend most of my time just squealing and forgetting to send you a detailed massage of why exactly Charles sputtering like an absolute shy boy makes me want to devour the sun and spit out stardust and then snorting that stardust.

Anyways. Here are some random pics of cute animals.

1. My cat, Felix,in air jail. He is not sorry. He is a psychopath and feels no empathy.

2. This is my little girl. Pepper. Not a single braincell can be found. She is 9 but still gets the zooming like she's still 1. Also she may look like a lobotomised chihuahua, but she's actually a derpy shi-tzu.

3. Keral. One for our horses during some dental work. He was the most difficult little tird and I think he might have given me a concoction. We live him. He is an idiot.

4. This is the little golden baby i told you about. Her name is Zhaleen. And i held her when she was less than 24h old. She bucks like a little monster and my arm is bruised. She also has discovered she has teeth which she can tear things with. Cloth, hair and fingers are not safe from her. I think she won't be as golden as we expected she might become a bit darker like her mama. But we love her nonetheless. ( ps. She is a nightmare child. Very energetic and impossible to work with or near.)

First of all, thank you so much for sending me this incredibly sweet message.

(Also I haven't gotten any other messages from you, so I think they all died in the void of bad internet connection.)

I totally get what you're saying about White Horse ending. It’s always so bittersweet when something you love comes to a close, right? It’s like, on one hand, you want to keep reading more because it feels like comfort, but on the other, you don’t want it to end. It’s like saying goodbye to a good friend.

That said, I am so glad you're still enjoying the other stories and getting to immerse yourself in all the chaos and fluff! I’m thrilled you liked the Charles fic! I was so glad that I finally finished it!

Also, thank you for sharing the adorable animal pics, I’m literally smiling from ear to ear:

Felix in "air jail"? Iconic. He sounds like a true psychopath and I absolutely adore that. 😂

Pepper— I love her energy. She is honestly a mood.

Keral giving you a hard time while trying to get his dental work done? Classic! (My horse decided she needed to be hysterical enough to need the double dose of sleep juice because she was just not calming down this year...) Keral sounds like a handful, but I’m sure he’s charming when he wants to be.

Zhaleen is absolutely gorgeous! She sounds like an absolute terror in the best way possible.

P.S. If Felix ever does take over the world, I’ll be ready. I respect his power. 😂

[thirsty-4-ghouls]

What frustrates me the most about liking the fallout games and elder scrolls games (I still need to play more of them and there are CERTAINLY exceptions) is that i don’t actually know what it is exactly that i like about them. People will be like “Bethesda games suck” and I’m not going to disagree that having mammoths fall from the sky and my gun sink into the floor forever is good game mechanics, that it’s a work of art in the coding department, but i don’t know what it is that makes me love the experience of playing them. People will be like “oh, you like that thing? Try this” and what they suggest isn’t bad, but it doesn’t have the same, idk, combination of things? I just wish I knew what the exact combo was so I could look for more of those things. I can’t put my finger on it and I’m not sure I can find the same combination of those things anywhere else. I don’t really care that the fighting isn’t super dramatic every time, hitting things and blowing things up is fun by itself to me, i don’t need a work of art there. I like the characters and the way you can just go do shit, especially when you don’t have a super pressing timeline. I can build a house before stopping the end of the world in Skyrim (multiple times) and it doesn’t actually make the time more stressful. If I want to take it super seriously I can try and grind through the main plot and after that I’ll still have a bunch of stuff to do! And the things I do will affect other things, but in a certain way I can’t explain? I can’t put into words. I know that they aren’t the finest masterpieces and I’m sure that there are games with things i like about these games but done better, but do they have the combination? The one I can’t put my finger on? Probably not. I play games to have fun and there is so much fucking around I can do! There are little details in the environment, little things to npcs. There are certainly things that left me unsatisfied, but there is also a bunch of things that do? I’ll admit to not playing their newer stuff though. I’ll consider eso but my brothers have already tried some of their other new stuff and left me with some not great reviews. I kinda wish people would stop trying to recommend me games because “oh, you like that part of that game? Here is one that is so much better. You’ll see how terrible the one you���re playing is” because I’m playing the terrible one for a reason. I like it, even knowing it’s not the best, and i would love to see more games that do that thing, but if you are recommending them because they are “better works of art” or “better mechanically” are you also recommending them because they are fun? That’s why I play games. I have my limits, and I respect other people who play games for the sake of the art form alone, but sometimes terrible or just okay is fun too, sometimes with less stress, and fun can keep me occupied for hours. I’m not saying I never play a game for a story, without much of one I often do get bored. I wouldn’t play the ace attorney series if I didn’t like stories too, but i loooove sandboxes and i can’t put my finger on why i like those Bethesda sandboxes so much. It’s infuriating because I really do want to find more stuff that scratches that specific itch, but the vibes are never quite there. I don’t expect the exact same thing, but I do want to try more of that sort of thing, yet I can’t put my finger on what it is about the thing that I need to look for! Very frustrating.

I like lore and environmental storytelling and interesting npcs and sandbox games, i don’t enjoy super complicated combat because i am stupid. I like being able to pick and choose things and seeing one thing affect another but not needing to do things in a specific order. Is that all? I don’t feel like it. There is something more and I can’t put my finger on it. There are obviously games I play that do not check off every single box of mine, look at the ace attorney series! But those ones don’t really take as much of my time. Once you finish the story you just kinda, leave it for awhile. You’re done. You might go back later, but probably not right away. With the games like Skyrim and fallout I can just come back after a busy day and do random low stress tasks and activities, or I could go hard at it for a bit, either way I have fun. I don’t know how to replicate that. I also like when they add some elements like the sims. I know some people hate it, but it gives me even more shit to do, and I can have a part of the map that feels like “this is MINE!” and I can leave my stuff (and some npcs) there and feel like I’m not just shoving it wherever. Sure, you get beds when you join certain groups, but in Skyrim and fallout 4 you can have your own space. If i don’t want to go on some adventure after a long day I can just garden or something, even when it’s winter irl! (Although the gardening isn’t like irl gardening, it still feels better than nothing). I know a lot of people hate how they put certain things I listed into a game that is “supposed to be about the story, or fighting” but i like the eclectic combination of activities, and i feel like they manage to do it without the things feeling like a completely separate game. It still feels tied in, unlike some games where it feels like they just shoved it into the game on the side without any connection I guess. I’m not explaining this well and I’m sure there are people who absolutely hate the things I listed, but there are plenty of games without them, I’m trying to find more with them.

And it has to have interesting npcs, even just mildly interesting ones that you can fill in the blanks for in your boredom. I can’t stand the feeling of being in a completely empty world (with the possible exception of Pokémon go, but they have added so much stuff that it feels parallel to the real world, not completely separate and empty) although, when it comes to Pokémon go, I actually did stop playing for awhile because it felt so empty, now you can at least interact with other players a bit more (even if I’m not great at finding others to play with) and they have added more npcs. I play that game so i don’t get bored at the grocery store and can convince myself to go out and walk around sometimes, so it’s not the same. Idk what I actually really want from a game, I can’t put my finger on it.

[neverendingford]

.

[greyedian]

lmao i'm always so bad at actually sticking with my tumblr breaks, but being on here less and not really engaging with fandom already helps a ton tbh. but yeah idk in case anyone's wondering: yeah i'm still here and yeah i'm still having a bit of a creative existential crisis what else is new 👍

[katyspersonal]

[adore-gregor]

study smart not hard (altough both is best actually) this saying is so true

[marrow-bone]

Except now we also have to contend with 'AI' (Machine learning) aggregates that make it even harder to find the Thing you need, because most the search results now are cloaked info-barfers that are just ouroboros-ing information tidbits that have a 50/50 or so chance of being even kinda right, so who knows if the Thing that you've been presented with even is the Thing.

This is especially frustrating when dealing with incredibly niche medical/surgical/biological information for what should be obvious reasons. You'll get a result, sure, but you'll need to spend an extra hour or so to make sure you don't end up in the hospital just because a formerly useful resource is now run by bots.

People are definitely going to die because of this.

"every possible kind of content can be found on the internet" yeah sure except for the One fucking thing I'm looking for. why does no one want to talk about the One Singular thing I'm looking for. but yeah other than that everything is on here.

[marshadowstea]

okay word vomit to end the day :3

dont read it, this is mine >:[

[randompolykin]

Although this is true. I don't view rocks as inferior to mountains. The whole "it it's are for objects, objects are inferior so by using them your saying your an object which therefore means your saying your inferior to me" is something I find stupid, being posic and objectkin, I don't see objects as inferior to humans, and actually i am one, but even then, without objects our lives would be so much less comfortable and exciting, so why would using the pronouns of the very things that we owe our comfort and alot of our fun to, be something that belittles me?

i love this tweet so much i think about it weekly, i structure my life around it its so crazy how much one tweet changed the way i view neopronouns for the better

[enfinizatics]

dear americans,

as a polish queer woman and human rights activist, i know exactly how you're feeling right now and what to expect from these elections. i lived through the 2015-2023 regime of pis, a right-wing populist party that divided families in the same way trump did. i’ve experienced the rise of fascism in poland, the influence of far-right parties like konfederacja, and their “santa’s little helpers”—ordo iuris, an ultra-conservative catholic organization (banned in many countries, mind you) that helped enforce a near-total abortion ban and runs anti-queer campaigns in public spaces. i supported the black protests in 2016 as a middle schooler when they first tried to ban abortion. as an adult, i actively participated in the 2020 women’s strike, running from police tear gas daily after they finally passed the ban. i supported friends who faced charges.

i’ve lived through intense homophobia in poland as a queer teen and adult. i survived the first pride march in my hometown, where far-right extremists threw stones and glass at us. i endured the anti-queer propaganda spread by the ruling party in state-owned media. i survived the “rainbow night,” poland’s own stonewall moment in summer 2020, when police arrested around 50 queer activists following the arrest of margo, a nonbinary activist. i survived the "lgbt-free zones," the targeted violence, the slurs from strangers on the street, and the protests i held against queerphobia. it was hard as fuck, but i survived.

but just because i survived, it doesn’t mean others did. many women died because of the abortion ban—marta, justyna, izabela, dorota, joanna, maria, and many others who didn’t survive pis’s draconian anti-abortion laws. milo, kacper, michał, zuzia (she was 12), wiktor, and other queer and trans kids and young adults took their own lives because of the relentless queerphobia.

despite all of this, our experience in poland can serve as a guide now. here are some tips for staying safe and how we, polish queers and women, organized under the regime:

safety first, always. if you know someone who’s had an abortion, no you don’t. if you know someone is trans, no you don’t. if you know people who help with safe abortions, no you don’t—at least not until you know it’s 100% safe to share. if you are queer or have had an abortion, only share this with people you trust fully. most importantly, not everyone has to be an activist just because they’re part of a minority. if it feels unsafe to share that you're queer, trans, etc., then don’t. it doesn’t make you any less queer.

use secure, encrypted messaging like signal for conversations on potentially risky topics, such as queerness, abortion, organizing counter-actions, protests—anything that might be used against you.

stay anonymous online. if you want to research or report something without surveillance, do not use regular internet. get a vpn (mullvad is affordable and reliable), download the tor browser (for both onion and standard links), and if you plan to whistleblow, consider using a riseup email account.

organize and build networks. community is everything now. support each other, foster independence, because your government won’t have your back. set up collectives, grassroots movements. create lists of trusted professionals—lawyers, doctors, etc.—who can offer support.

to lawyers and doctors: please consider pro-bono work. this is what got us through poland’s hardest times. your work will be needed now more than ever.

for protests or risky actions: always write a pro-bono lawyer’s number on your arm with a permanent marker.

get to know the anarchist black cross federation and other resources on safety culture: "Starting an anarchist black cross group: A guide"; Still We Rise - A resource pack for transgender and non-gender conforming people in prison; Safe OUTside the system by the Audre Lorde Project;

for safe abortion info or involvement: get familiar with womenhelpwomen.

stay radical, stay strong, stay informed: The Anarchist Library

if i forgot to (or didn't) include something, don't hesitate to reblog this post with other resources.