#and even though there are times when my local theater doesn't have anything i really want to see

[hbosscreations]

I've sat on this for several days, because your analysis makes me feel feelings as a theater gay, and I think that you touch on exactly why Ride the Cyclone gets to have this conversation and Spirit World (and other modern comics don't).

Marketability.

People like to act like musicals are 'super niche' and not something that the average person will engage with, but that's not really the issue here, the issue is money. Musicals can make bank if they take off. Anything that makes it to a major stage production can generally be assumed to be raking in enough cash to pay everyone back and then some, and musical theater people will promote and encourage people to see the show no matter the cost.

Theater people are drama llamas. We LIKE laughing, crying, and being made to think after a show. A theater person will talk about their favorite show for years. Will see it as many times as their wallets will allow, and there's money to be made in a big enough production.

Ride the Cyclone gets to talk about death and sex and teenage pain because musical theater is allowed to be a vehicle to tell meaningful stories. When you go see a show like Ride the Cyclone, you're there BECAUSE it's about a bunch of teenagers begging to be brought back to life.

It doesn't necessarily matter if the show makes millions of dollars either, because in this day and age small acting companies record things and put them on youtube and use things like patreon and kickstarter to fund passion projects. Starkid is my favorite example of this. The passion is a huge part of it, and marketing allows theaters to make their money back.

Comics in the two major companies DC and Marvel though, have an industry that has been poorly managed since at least the 90s. Can't speak for creators like Image or IDW or whatnot, but I can tell you that the balancing act for DC and Marvel to try and make money has been TERRIBLY run and managed for a long time. Margins are pretty thin on traditional comics.

Which means they need to sell lots of stuff, pay their employees less, and cash grab as much as possible. It's why event comics are so common, why tie-ins are so prevalent, and even why they don't bind all the tie-ins together a lot of the time when they put collections together.

DC wants to make maximum profit, and that means making their stuff as bland as they can to appeal to as many people as possible, not realizing they are shooting themselves in the foot.

John Constantine is a fantastic example of this problem. He's in every crossover they can stick him in, because he's a cool character and he's fun to play with, but he's never treated with the dignity and depth his early comics demand. Why? I think it's because most of DC's current audience is American and they are afraid of alienating anyone by choosing a side on anything, and therefore not getting their money.

God forbid the horror comic series about a queer, burned out punk, a man who fully believed in the principles he stood behind but never had the ability or drive to try and make them happen, be about politics and queer topics. We cannot stand for anything or we risk sales being bad. We can't talk about real world topics, people don't want to read that in their escapist fantasy, even though different people get different things out of the concept.

I actually think that's a big reason Dead in America is suffering. It's not ABOUT anything. We could have had a discussion about racism that the earlier issues so CLEARLY wanted to talk about, but we might risk upsetting someone who reads the comics, that's why we have so many 'rural' stories about bad white people in the run. 'Rural whites' don't read comic books, after all (It's bullshit, but their numbers will show this, because people like me who live in rural areas have to get comics from ebay or from a reseller website because we don't have local options). We could have talked about John's complicated feelings about fatherhood, but that might hurt someone's feelings. We could talk about queer topics, but...well, that I'll blame on Spurrier not knowing or caring about queer culture.

It's why the New 52 and Rebirth stories are...not great. They're the aesthetic of Hellblazer and John Constantine, but they don't have any of the bite that the original run has. I have read the OG Hellblazer twice now and there are comics I am HAUNTED by in the best way. I can't think of many stories that have come out in recent years that have done the same thing.

Xanthe, as you've mentioned in another post, is a very generic 'asian' character in design. I didn't realize this at the time, but once you pointed it out I couldn't not see it anymore. Their character isn't really risky at the time of publication. Their backstory seems made to make numbers on tumblr, the relationship with their family only exists for screenshots to get people talking and buying. I bought it for Constantine, but also because I was pulled in by the dinner scene and Xanthe seemed interesting from the few panels we got.

And this HURTS characters like Xanthe when it comes to future appearances. I remembered Spirit World fondly because it was bland and harmless, but I read it once when the trade came out and never read it again until your post about it because it was bland and not actually engaging. My memories were fond, but I didn't think about it. It had no longevity or real thought to the world-building it wanted to create. Pretty art, lots of action (too much action), no real substance.

This story should have been Xanthe's debut instead of a crossover/teamup, detailing their cast roster, setting up future antagonists and potential enemies to become allies. It should have been about a person trying to rationalize being alive and dead at the same time and what that means, it should have talked about what death meant culturally.

Being Asian-American and having that dynamic around death would be an interesting deep dive on its own that might have fueled more readership. Instead, it seems to have left the target demographic ambivalent at best and unwilling to engage further at worst.

Why was Cassandra Cain in the story? She's Asian. Why was John Constantine in the story? He's queer. Neither character felt well written on the second read through, and more to the point, they were superfluous (and frankly I find it a little insulting that someone at DC went, well, she's popular and Asian, throw her in there).

And you're right. Xanthe will show up in team books occasionally they were in an issue of Birds of Prey recentish, but they were also paired with Constantine again. They'll be background art, they might even die in an event if they get a decent fan following specifically so they can be brought back in a super special single edition, and then be forgotten for a while.

It's a shame, because if Spirit World had the love and care to the themes it claimed to the way Ride the Cyclone did, maybe Xanthe could have been the flagship character for a new generation of readers, but we'll never know now.

I don't think I've treaded any new territory here, everything I've said, you've said better and far more succinctly, but I definitely understand your perspective better now. Apologies for the long, long rant.

Spirit World, Ride the Cyclone and Death. A weird comparative analysis

Gonna combine my musical nerd and cape comics fixation together for a rambling meta thought. I've been reflecting on how taboo the topic of death is in media after getting into Ride The Cyclone (highly recommend watching the slime tutorial and Waiting in the Wings' documentary on it) but also contrasting that musical with how Spirit World handled similar topics.

Both stories cover characters whose lives were cut short from a tragic circumstance, but while Cyclone directly talks frankly about how each character uniquely grieves over their lost life (and eventually accepts death)- Spirit World uses death as largely an aesthetic to a generic fantasy superhero adventure.

[spoilers for Ride the Cyclone and Spirit World]

Spirit World is about non-binary, half dead half living Envoy Xanthe Zhou, as they go into the Spirit World with John Constantine to rescue Cassandra Cain Batgirl. They eventually go toe to toe with the spirit of a bitter dead poet.

Ride the Cyclone is about 6 choir teenagers who die in a roller coaster accident in their small town. In the afterlife, they are given the chance to vote which one of them they believe should be resurrected.

For Spirit World, do we even know how Xanthe feels about being "half dead"? What does that even mean? They died as (what looks like) a 3 year old, and have clearly aged 15 more years since then. So they can age? Do they need to eat or drink (they're seen with a drink in a Pride comic)? Xanthe keeps mentioning they're half dead and half living, but the comic doesn't seem to want to discuss what that means. How would Xanthe feel that they were essentially given a job as an Envoy the minute they died as a very young child? Was this even a choice?

We've already covered the numerous plot holes in Xanthe Zhou's poorly thought out backstory so I won't go over that again. But honestly apart from the thematically loose "the dead shouldn't be forgotten" moral, a lot of how death is presented in Spirit World feels so superficial. When Xanthe is formally introduced as this cool character with a giant sword hanging around a gravesite, fighting all these hopping vampire creatures... this scene would play out the same if you swapped the setting with a forest and zombies as bad guys.

The Spirit World is less an afterlife for the spirits to move onto and more an MMORPG setting for our superheroes to travel across and fight generic evil beings and encounter eviler, bigger, boss battles at the end. Then there's the poet clout villain whose problems are just easily solved by Xanthe promising to remember her. I've already covered what a lost opportunity thematically this character was in my last Xanthe essay, but this time I want to contrast her with Ride the Cyclone's Jane Doe. I also want to compare Xanthe with Noel Gruber afterwards.

Ride the Cyclone's musical numbers follow each character performing a song reflecting their wishes, and musings on life (this sounds depressing but the musical handles all this with comedy and wit), hoping to prove themselves as worthy of a second chance at life. Of the characters, Jane Doe is the mysterious odd one out. The accident decapitated her, leaving her to enter the after life with no memories and the people of the living unable to identify her.

You might see where I'm going with this. So in Spirit World, Wan Yujing was this famous poet mourned by an entire empire. She only goes monster mode when a handwave-y "time erodes all" happens in the Spirit World and she is eventually forgotten- so she becomes desperate to demand to be reincarnated by the Jade Court. Because her clout ran out. Again, I already made the critique in my previous essay that this villain would better link to our protagonist if she was a queer poet whose poetry was being purposefully straight washed as an act of queer historical erasure. But I want to bring up how truly unsympathetic this villain is. She gets Shakespeare levels of clout but still demands more because she isn't getting reincarnated fast enough. Xanthe promises that as an immortal "half dead half living" person that they will remember Wan Yujing, so she too can be immortal in some way.

I think about all the Jane Doe-s in the Spirit World who don't get to be famous poets that have Empires remembering who they were. People who died anonymously without a past. In Cyclone, the main character chooses Jane Doe as the person who should be brought back to life. Our cast of teens come to terms with the fact that while it's tragic that their lives ended shortly, they conclude "to say that if one dies young, they die needlessly... that is to discount the years we had. We had a life, she didn't. That's my vote." Since Jane Doe has no memory of who she is, it's only fair that she is given that second chance.

I get that Spirit World is choosing these "larger than life" characters as villains, but it's at the expense of their own supposed themes. Of all the people to die and face off our hero as the villain, a character who's essentially an influencer but somehow has an entire empire forget about her anyway feels thematically hollow.

Modern Superhero comics are suffering from a specific problem right now; they're not really about anything. Characters don't feel like people with interior lives informed by the context of who they are. Class, race and bigotry are only touched upon as lightly as possible. Queer characters are now Pride ads with no personhood or flaws. They punch gentrified crime and fight for no one in particular. Even recent adapted media such as My Adventures with Superman and Caped Crusader follow this. Superman fights white-washed xenophobia, while Batman fights gentrified, white-washed classicism. It's why comics like Superman Smashes the Klan, Catwoman Lonely City and Alan Scott Green Lantern stand out so much. It's been a while since these characters talked about anything that matters. Don't get me wrong, slop that's about nothing exists in every industry. But when these characters and worlds historically used to have more bite- it's especially obvious.

If I could be playfully conspiracy theory-like for a second; I believe Xanthe Zhou was pitched so that DC Comics can buff out their Pride Anthology or AAPI anthology with a new younger character. The company will give this character one limited series, but that's it. Xanthe will appear in the larger DC universe whenever big magic plots happen, but that's it. Maybe they'll get a YA graphic novel. I would love to be proven wrong, but the problems with Xanthe are baked in the dough.

Because they don't feel like a person, Xanthe feels more like an industry planted Pride ad. They're designed to be the most palatable and marketable image of Asian androgyny. They literally have no flaws to grow out of, and their backstory makes no sense. They weren't built to be a sustainable solo character.

So I want to contrast Xanthe Zhou against Noel Gruber from Ride the Cyclone. Because they're both queer characters whose lives were cut short at a young age.

In a dramatic lament, Noel Gruber expresses how if he had a chance to live, he'd want to live the horrible cinematic messy life of a French sex worker woman in post-war France. He struggled as the only gay boy in a small town and never got to kiss a boy before he died. It's a look into a queer life that could've been lived, one with all the messy texture and self destruction Noel couldn't have but desires. We get to see how death and queerness intersect into rich, unflattering, gender-messy themes. "I want to be that fucked up girl." Noel sings.

But what's Xanthe's deal? They died as a 3 year old, got brought back, avoided their family at all costs for 15 years, and then had a transphobic confrontation with their family when they're invited to dinner way later. If Xanthe grew up in a transphobic household, how did they ever figure out they were non-binary when they were 3? Could they even verbalize it? Or did they instead figure out their queerness after they died? But how is that possible when they already held a level of familiar resentment towards their family's transphobia as if they've had several fights about it? It's hard to picture a 3 year old having multiple heated debates about gender with their parents for this level of resentment to make any sense.

Details aside, how does Xanthe's queerness intersect with themes of death and grief? Well, it just doesn't. This scene ends with Xanthe's sister telling them that she bothered remembering them even though their parents moved on from their death (which makes no sense since the parents wanted to have dinner with a random 18 year old they correctly assumed was their long dead "daughter" but whatever). Honestly, the only reason queerness exists in this family drama is so that Xanthe has a tense relationship with their family. The story would be exactly the same if Xanthe was a troublemaker that brought shame to their family. Who they are isn't specific to whatever grief exists in the comic.

When people give the critique that modern Superhero comics aren't about anything anymore, we usually think of these comics as "lacking political bite and commentary". We don't often think of something like Death to be political. And even though it is in many ways, it's also a social taboo to talk about. Death is an uncomfortable thing to confront, even in the safety of fiction. It's what made Ride the Cyclone such a difficult stage musical to market.

So how does a modern mainstream comic like Spirit World fit into that? It just sits there in this non-committal way. Yes, this is a story about a trans teenager who died, but only in a cool Superhero Origin Way, not in any way that would make readers uncomfortable. Bury Your Gays is a stereotype after all, so we can't talk about how queer people feel about death. We don't get to know how Xanthe feels about death as a non-binary Asian American. Especially if it's messy. It's the reason why Wan Yujing's character can never commentate on themes of historical queer erasure. God forbid superhero comics be about something.

I think about how, in the original Hellblazer run from the 80s, John Constantine had an elderly gay friend who was diagnosed with AIDS but was killed by a homophobic hate group. The comic openly talks about the sheer amount of gay people dying of the epidemic, a looming threat that informs John's queer life. It's such a culture shock, to contrast these early comics with how John Constantine is written in Spirit World. A character stripped of his own queer history and is at the mercy of incessant slutty bi jokes. Where is the desire to talk about how death informs a queer person's life? The mourning of a lost generation to the AIDS crisis? Something John lived through?

How about how any of this intersects with being an Asian American queer person? Queer people of color are often erased or purposefully excluded from queer history and communities. As a Queer Asian American, what does it mean to have identities that are often perceived to be in conflict with each other? Would your queer Asian ancestors even be remembered? Cultural differences with how you'd mourn your communities? But answering any of these questions means an uncomfortable conversation for Spirit World. For Xanthe. It threatens to be about something.

Which makes it all the more silly that, of the two stories, a musical about teenagers dying from a rollercoaster malfunction is more willing to have that uncomfortable conversation. You should ride the Cyclone.

[beloved-belittled]

Gods/Titans x Reader: Birthday Gift Headcanons

Characters: Shinnok, Raiden, Fujin, Liu Kang, Shang Tsung, Cetrion, Kronika 

A/N: Not me forgetting Shang Tsung was a Titan in the last one I did like this, *cough cough*. This is a lot fluffier than my usual content, enjoy!

TW: Nothing really, aside from maybe an implied yandere with a few characters.

18+ to interact.

Shinnok

Likely doesn't know when your birthday is, nor does he care to ask. He's existed since before the concept of time, so what's another year around the sun supposed to mean to him? You’ll accidentally tell him about your birthday too, thinking out loud while he's around. Like, “oh it's my birthday today” or “I wonder if my birthday's coming up.” To which, he'll scoff and ask why you care about such a thing. Mortals and their customs have always irked him to no end.

For that reason, you shouldn't expect a gift or anything special when your b-day does roll around. If Shinnok wishes to treat you he'll do it any day out of the year. And his treats are rare, so I recommend appreciating them when they come. 

If Shinnok was to buy you a gift, he'd consider his tastes more than your own. So that means receiving items he likes and you may not enjoy. This includes: literature in an unknown language, skulls or other trophies from his enemies, overly ornate jewelry or clothing, and even a fresh soul for decoration or consumption. Be sure to smile and thank him even if the present is… Undesirable. It'll save you some pain and maybe he'll get you something better next time.

Raiden

He hasn't asked when your birthday is simply to be polite. But, you'll likely tell Raiden at some point and he'll never forget the day. Like most characters on this list, he doesn't have a birthday himself to celebrate. He understands how important it is to mortals however, and will make an effort to impress you.

Raiden may not get you a gift for your birthday though. It's not because he doesn't care, but because he'd rather not incite rumors or other speculations in his followers. This is especially true if your relationship is secret or even forbidden. It pains him, but he binds himself to a certain standard for good reason. It's only if he became Dark Raiden, or if your relationship was open/public would he offer you a present.

Raiden isn't very much “in-touch” with mortals, so he would also base a gift on his preferences. He enjoys things that enrich the mind and offer more perspective on the world. Some examples are: classical literature/philosophy, historical records or artifacts, spiritual aids such as incense or other herbs, and potentially a jar of Jinsei only if you have max trust with him.

Fujin

He asks you about your birthday, and like his brother he doesn't forget. While he doesn't have a birthday either, he likely adopts a fake one just to connect with humans. So, he knows the importance of your b-day and will ponder what to give you months ahead of time.

He's the first of the characters here to consider your preferences over his own. He'll ask you a lot of probing questions to find out your likes, but he's rather smooth about it so you won't know the intent behind it. He also observes you and learns more about your hobbies, while also doing a little bit of research on them to see what would make a good present.

The type of gift he offers is dependent on you, but he'll aim for something affordable yet memorable. It's worth noting that he may also invest in an experience such as going to a certain city or place. For your birthday Fujin would like to take you to a local restaurant, see a movie or some form of theater, or bring you something you've always wanted. 

Also, please give this man a gift for his fake birthday. He will appreciate it.

Liu Kang 

He should have an idea of when you were born due to him crafting your destiny. But, he makes sure to ask so you're not surprised about him knowing when your birthday is. His god-like memory won't allow him to forget your birthday, and he plans ahead for it a crisp 11 months in advance. He needs the time, considering all of the duties on his plate.

Like Raiden, offering you a gift on your birthday may cause jealousy in the Wu Shi Academy. The last thing Liu Kang wants is for his subordinates to suspect he has some kind of favoritism towards you. However, he has little problem with your relationship being public if you're dating. So, if you're in a relationship with him you'll get a gift. If not, he'll just say “happy birthday" and recommend you take the day off.

He’s considerate of your tastes when scrounging up a present. At the same time, if he feels that giving you what you want would enable bad habits, (ex: behavioral addictions or an unhealthy lifestyle) then he'll resort to a more generic gift. Some examples include: birthday/gift card, baked goods, potted plant or gardening seeds, and candles.

Shang Tsung

He knows your birth date, home address, and banking information before you've even met him. He enjoys thoroughly researching his prey before acting, so he knows all the little details of your life. And once he's wrapped you around his little thumb, you happily spill to him when your birthday is. 

His gift is determined by your relationship with him. If he's in the early stages of wooing you, then he'll get whatever you love. His budget is the most lenient out of anyone here, so if you want something on the more expensive side you'll get it. He can be far too lavish with it as well, easily spending thousands of dollars to get what you desire. Of course, he'll keep reassuring you that such a paltry amount is nothing if it's for you…

If he has you under his control already, then he just gets a gift that will please him. He sees you as a little trophy to show off and tease all the time, so you can imagine what his gifts would be like. Fine silks, opulent jewelry, fancy furniture for you to lay on… If the gift is anything that visually stimulates him and shows off his power then he'll offer it to you.

Cetrion

She knows when your birthday is because she is nigh omnipresent. However, unlike everyone else in this list, she likely won't be able to spend time with you on your birthday. Cetrion would observe you from afar, in Heaven, unless you've already died or she's gained her freedom from Kronika. Still, that doesn't mean she won't do something special for your birthday.

Cetrion has to be a bit sneaky when giving you a gift. While other Gods have to worry about their mortal followers getting angry, she has to worry about the wrath of Elder Gods and a Titan. But, she's been playing this game for a long, long time. She has her methods of getting one or two things past without their notice.

Cetrion's gift involves her powers. She may grow a large and beautiful tree in your yard overnight. Or (especially if you garden) find all of your plants blooming and thriving. If there's a particular animal you've really wanted as a pet, it'll show up practically on your doorstep -begging you to adopt it. Alternatively, you may just wake up with a power you've never had, wondering when in the hell were you able to talk to animals or had a green thumb.

Kronika

She probably cares the least about a birthday, second to only her son Shinnok maybe. But unlike him, she's far more considerate of you once you're in a relationship. If you want to celebrate the passage of time, so be it. 

She sees herself as an artisan in a way, and would likely craft you a gift utilizing her powers. By the end of it, you may end up with a powerful artifact on the levels of Shinnok's Amulet or a Kamidogu. Naturally, whatever object she creates will be imbued with the power of time. Speeding up time, stopping time, reversing time -as long as it relates to chronokinesis she'll create it.

And although she'll put time (literally) and effort into a present, her most important gift to you would be her presence. She'll want to hang out with you like normal, simply enjoying each other's company and voice. Kronika makes for a surprisingly good partner on your b-day. She's swayed many people to her side and for good reason -she considers other people's thoughts and desires. Of course, this is all assuming you didn't break her heart.

[theredhoodedcryptid]

Alrighty, here's more notes from my Jason Gotham Knights playthrough. I'm not finished yet, but what I've found so far is interesting. Also here's the link to my other post about the Labyrinth which I'll be referencing.

Starting off with basic observations:

When Jason first encounters an Owl's nest he states "Hello? I'm selling owl scout cookies."

Jason can somewhat play the piano. We only encounter playable pianos in Gotham Knights whenever you're infiltrating either an Owl base or the Monarch Theater, regardless both are one time story plots, making the the ability to play them very limited. While I haven't tried this with Babs and Dick yet, Tim can't (or won't) play. He just takes his hand and swipes it down the keys, whereas Jason plays a small part of a song. I don't know which one though.

The cutscene where Jason and Tim are bonding and working on Jason's weapons. This one is pretty familiar, Jason's weapons are leaning a little to far on the dangerous side of non-lethal. When Tim brings this up Jason dismiss it, stating most of their enemies wear heavy armor so it's fine. To make his point, Tim gets in front of Jason when he goes to shoot at a practice dummy, stating that if he really believes they're safe then to shoot him. Now the major thing people will notice with this scene is that Jason hesitates for a moment (I think he's remembering something, perhaps Titan's Tower if that happened in this universe?) before pointing his weapon away. Another interesting thing I noticed in this scene is that after he points his weapon away, Jason goes as far as removing the clip and also removing the rubber bullets. It's possible he's just doing this so they can work on it, but I think Jason is going to these lengths to show to Tim he won't hurt him (again). It's clear from an earlier cutscene where Jason had a knife and he absentminded pointed it at Tim to make a point about the conversation , but Tim flinched back and Dick subtly intervened. Something along Titan's Tower happened here, but to what extent I have no clue.

So far during my League of Assassins stuff they've not ambushed Jason. If you've played or watched the game then you might remember The Court and the League sometimes set up little traps to attack you while you're patrolling. Sometimes it's a hostage, but mainly it's a few dead bodies of the local gangs and a trapped chest with a bomb. In my other play throughs I've encountered a lot of this from both sides, but Jason's a little different. The traps are still there from the League, but nothing happens. I open a chest and it doesn't go off, it's a normal chest. And it's clearly the LOA because you can see black smoke hanging around the scene, which indicates their presence. With Jason they just back off and only interact during the main storyline. Is this perhaps because he was in the League of Assassins after his little bath in the green jello? Or maybe I'm not far enough in the plot for the League to really start attacking me, or maybe I'm experiencing glitches. Whose to say, but I found it very interesting.

I was kinda disappointed with Harley's and Jason's interactions. I mean, Jason was pretty chill and civil around her which is totally fine, but I was hoping for a bit more backstory nods. We have a lot to assume about the Gotham Knights universe, so any little bit helps. But nothing really was mentioned between those two. Even stuff with Talia hasn't been very fruitful so far. If cutscenes don't show me anything I'll have to do a deep dive in the audio files, codex, wiki, and any written materiel about GK. I need to know these people's back stories!

(A small side note of how I had this whole theory written out on how Tim might have been apart of the family before Jason died based on a cutscene, but then I remembered that Bruce's audio files explicitly state otherwise. Also that'd make my Titan's Tower theory have to many holes.)

Now for my favorite part, The Labyrinth!

(This is where my previous post mentioned before comes into play)

Now, during my last few playthorughs I've been trying to map out the reason behind how certain hallucinations happen, whether it's truly random or if it depends on which direction you take in the labyrinth. I haven't cracked it yet, but I hope that after playing as Dick and Babs I'll figure it out. Right now this is just my observations.

Everything in general has stayed the same, except for the order of what happens. Here's how this time went: Turned right at the Spike room, turned left at the phonograph room, weird floating vision, (accidentally walked into some spikes and got sent to the beginning but it lead to the next room without backtracking), turned right at Bruce's Grave, turned left at the Table Room, Vision of Jason in an Owl mask, Turned right at the Pit Room, vision of Bruce and the ending sequence. I got a couple of things different then my last analysis for Jason, but I'm leaning more on the different paths direction then the randomized. We'll see though.

As for the things Fake!Bruce says, it's pretty much the same thing as he said to Tim, only in a slightly different order. The only thing that was different was in the Pit Room, where he says "You were the worst Robin, no better then a killer. Now you're just nothing."

Anywho, I'm not done with Jaybirds playthrough yet, so I'll add to this post if I find anything else.

[my-castles-crumbling]

Hello, I'm not sure if you're still doing the advice thing still but I figured I'd shoot my shot.

So I am about to turn 16 and I recently moved to a european country (I'm American). Most days, the language barrier is too much, as soon as I have to speak, I can't form words and I end up having to ask if they speak english which I feel like is unfair because I'm in their home, it's the least I could do. It doesn't help that I look very american, I have dyed hair and dress more alternative. I constantly get stared at which I absolutely hate. I don't feel welcome here.

School isn't much better, luckily my school is still an american high school so the language barrier isn't relevant. However my old school was catered to the theater and band kids, all of us were nerds and our own way and it was great. I felt like I belonged there, It made sense. This school isn't like that, it's a whole mix of people which is fine I guess. I haven't found any of my people yet. I don't know if I will if I am being honest. No one seems to have any similar interests or hobbies. I feel like I'm isolated from my peers.

Earlier today, I had my first video call with my best friend back home. She had some people over which included some of our old friends. Our friend group drifted apart as we got older and went our separate ways. So we hadn't talked to half of them in about a year. Now when I call and I see all of them back together like nothing happened, it just made me feel like I was the problem. As soon as I left they all became friends again, like I was preventing that in the first place.

Idk I'm just not having the best time right now. I have been going out of my comfort zone, I joined the local theater troupe as tech and I'm playing in the school band. But i still haven't made any connections. I just feel like I don't have an impact here and the impact back home is already being erased

I've been talking about this with my mom and she's in the same boat as me. Both of us feel alone right now and we're trying but it's hard

So yeah that's it, I'm not really sure what you can say but I just needed to get it out there. I'm not thinking about anything harmful, don't worry. I'm trying my best to communicate my feelings with my family but sometimes you need an outside perspective. I don't expect you to have all of the answers but just knowing you read this would honestly make me feel better.

Thanks for reading

(P.SI love your writing)

Hi hon!

I'm not sure if it's helpful or not but I've been in a similar situation. I moved across the US (so no language barrier) and it was so lonely when I did. Even though I went with my wife (girlfriend at the time) it was still a huge culture shock and I felt so isolated. I think that's super common, unfortunately, when you make a big move.

I do want to say- it got easier. I made connections, I found my place, it just took time. And you will too! It won't be the same as your old home, and there will always be things and people that you miss. but there will be good things about it, too, things that you like better! I promise <3

I'm sending you so much love! Naming you theater anon!

[donnerpartyofone]

Yesterday morning I woke up early to go to the Corpus Christi event in the park where several local parishes were converging for an outdoor mass. The point of the celebration was to affirm the literality of transubstantiation, since communion has started slipping into the realm of symbolism in a lot of people's minds and the Vatican doesn't like that. I really enjoy the pageantry of Catholicism and I will do anything for a look at the monstrance, the extremely fascinating luxury container for the holy wafer. It looks like something out of DAGON and in fact I wouldn't be surprised if that story were meant to refer to Catholicism in some way, I'm sure Lovecraft hated Catholics as much as he hated everybody else.

At one point the homilist addressed the accusation that eucharistic adoration is a form of idolatry, an impression he corrected by reminding everyone that the eucharist is not a fetish object but the literal body of Christ: "We don't worship a piece of bread!" (congregation laughs appreciatively) But I thought, why not? Even though I'm an outsider who can't take communion, I find it easy to think about its meaning in a general way; like if you believe that there is some sort of generative superlayer to reality, which I'm learning that I kind of do, and if you think everything natural manifests from that, then it's not so hard to think that food is divine. And I mean food is divine, it's what perpetuates life. We SHOULD be treating food with reverence and respect, whether you believe in a spiritual lifeforce or only a chemical one. I'm often surprised that Christians are not hardcore ecologists by nature, if you believe that everything comes from God for humanity to steward, you should have a powerful feeling for your environment--but for whatever reason this is not a standard part of the package. After the park part we processed down the street, which had been closed off for the occasion, to St. Mary Star of the Sea (even more Dagonesque!), and this part was totally amazing. The church was packed to the gills with people from all different parishes and the organist was playing some absolutely demonic music that I had never heard the likes of. When the people sang, the whole place vibrated powerfully, and in a moment of silence an old italian lady started praying at the top of her lungs, startling everyone. It was an exciting thing to get caught up in.

After that my husband and I went to a bar around the corner to stalk the building owner, who is renting a couple of apartments on the upper floors. Unfortunately he wasn't around but we got sucked into a conversation with a local who didn't look like he would want anything to do with the likes of us, a gruff older Brooklynite who engaged us about our weird shared neighborhood for much longer than I meant to stay. I tried to take it as a good sign, like maybe we could put our "vibes" on the place by integrating with the regulars, at the same time that our associates have been recommending us to the owner as good future tenants. It would be amazing if we got in there, we could move almost our whole apartment by hand.

Then it was time to go to the film festival. The screenings I saw the day before were in a theater that is hip but not particularly luxe, which made me feel pretty relaxed about what I was going to have to do--but these screenings were in a VERY nice theater, the lines were huge and everyone was dressed to the nines, and I started to freak out a little bit. The staff rushed me through my instructions with such intensity, I was just praying I actually understood it all. One of the actors on my panel is this cult film goddess who is a terrific person in addition to being shockingly beautiful, and she showed up in this like fairy tale dress that accentuated her otherworldliness to absolutely ridiculous heights. She introduced herself to me and I just started blathering; I'm not attracted to women but she's so beautiful it's insane, it almost qualifies as a deformity. Looking into her face is just confusing. Many other people there were startlingly beautiful. The director of the movie I was there for is someone I had seen on screen many times, and I always perceived him to be kind of an ordinary nerd, but in person he was enormously charismatic and sharply dressed and groomed and he had fully transformed into fucking George Clooney or something, I almost wasn't sure I had the right guy.

I also saw two other actresses-of-a-certain-age who looked so much better standing in front of me than they did in the movies I'd just seen them in, I honestly felt like I was tripping on acid. One of them was Alicia Silverstone, who sat in front of me at a different screening; she wore a highly reflective plastic tube dress and stiletto heels that were almost entirely transparent, and she had to be helped around by her entourage. The aforementioned actress I would be interviewing was also having a lot of trouble locomoting in her amazing Glenda the Good Witch getup, she too needed to be attended by aides. It occurred to me that maybe when your career is (in part) being extremely glamorous, you have to do these things that cripple you, you have to be strapped into these hobbling appliances and carried around to formal appearances. There is something fascinatingly morbid about this.

My panel was really great. I knew I was killing it. All my jokes landed with the audience and I got the film cast and crew in a really good place right away. It was late on the Sunday, the last screening of the festival, and everyone on and off the stage was exhausted until I wound them all up, which I consider a significant personal achievement. Everyone thanked me in this moving way and some stranger on the street told me I did a good job. I was aware that this was my introduction to quite a number of people, including several recognizably established folks who have certainly been vaguely aware of who I am and what I do, but now they've all seen me at full power and I could tell they'll remember it.

When photos of the event started turning up, that was NOT so thrilling. I was a complete mess and I didn't even know it until it was too late. It's probably GOOD that I didn't realize it earlier, when I couldn't have done anything about it. I found myself looking in the mirror at home, where things seem not so bad somehow, and trying to match what I saw there to the person that everyone's camera saw. It was pretty shocking, but I have to say that it wasn't a complete downer. I had the feeling that I can see what I need to do, and that is positive in and of itself. I might not have even realized the degree to which I need to take better care of myself if this hadn't happened, at least not for a while. Right now everything needs to change. My house needs to change, my state of employment needs to change, my body needs to change. If I can treat these things like hobbies, like projects I am authoring, rather than like obligations or fuckups I need to fix, then my chances of success are strong.

[sopebubbles]

hi there!! this is kind of out of topic but i just wanna talk to someone who is an army because i don’t have a friend who is army. most of them are a fan of other group, so it’s kind of a bit lonely here.

i went to yoongi’s live viewing of japan tour! it was my first concert ever! even though it just live viewing at cinema whilst in different countries, just at the exact time, but still that’s the only ticket i can afford at the time as i’m broke af and a student :( but im so happy!!! seeing yoongi and other armies, singing along and hyping up! i think i still have that post concert feeling >< im still scrolling through gallery of the pics and videos i sneakily recorded at the cinema. it’s a bummer that they didn’t allowed any recording :( but i’m still doing it though bcs it was quiet pricey and i’m not recording the whole concert- tch.

yoongi looks quite tired though, he was coughing in between the songs and he also looked exhausted. he so kind as he kept addressing us the live viewers and not only the physically audiences in front of him. so even though, seeing him only through the screen it felt like i was there physically with him as he also conversed with us too :)

ahh it feels so good that i can talk about this with someone, and now i’m quite determined to be there in ot7 concert :( wish me, you and all other armies too ❤️

it’s okay if you want to ignore this :) ahh i love your stories, the lone wolf, will be waiting for your update eagerly anytime soon!!! ❤️

Heyyyy!! I'm so glad you enjoyed the concert!! I am going in about 6 hours to watch the replay at my local theater! This ask makes me look forward to it even more 😍 I hope it's full when I go. I was only like the second person to buy a ticket but i hope there will be lots of people there bc i dont really know any armys in my town 😭

Im so excited about seeing him! What a great first concert experience! I've heard about his coughing and have been very worried 🥺 our poor nap king is not getting the rest that he needs. Plus traveling so much doesn't help anything ☹️ He looks like he's having so much fun tho and that makes my heart want to burst. Gah i cant wait to see my baby on the big screen. I'm such an ot7 fan but when i see yoongi I just remember that i do in fact have a bias. 🥰

Thank you so much for reading and loving my work. Love hearing from you 🥺��

[ahhhsami]

@looneylina

Okay, here are some of my thoughts. For people who haven't seen all of the series, there will be major spoilers ahead.

These are initial thoughts as I just finished the series last night and this most likely will be more a stream of thoughts than something well put together.

First off, I really like that the show is character driven and specifically enjoy the stories of Mizu and Akemi the most. I think they were the most fleshed out and were the most interesting. When it comes to character direction, I'm honestly not that fond of Taigen. I understand his actions and choices, but he's also extremely frustrating and if they're setting up an enemies to lovers path, I don't think they've started it well. But romance is honestly the least of my gripes.

I started not enjoying the show as much as soon as Mizu made it to Fowler's castle in ep 6. The show had been so character driven and had a smaller scope at that moment and I really enjoyed it. I loved the interweaving of the puppet theater with Mizu's story. Her helping the local brothel and fighting the Thousand Claws was really well done. And then we go to the castle. Where the scope starts to grow.

It sets up Mizu finding out that there's going to be an attack on the Shogun. Which is the first major scope change. Obviously it was foreshadowed throughout the story and I think it could have worked except for how the season ends, but I'll get there. This information leads to Taigen regressing back to his awful self, calling Mizu a demon once more because she let Akemi be taken. First off, she had no idea of the planned attack when it happened and as a woman, she has a different perspective than Taigen. She made the choice because she honestly thought it was for the better, even if it took Akemi's autonomy away from her. I can't jump on this Taigen x Mizu train and it somewhat reminds me of my initial feelings related to Catradora. I can't get over the abuse and mistreatment. The fact that a single party is so set on killing or capturing the other to the extent that they hurt one another physically and mentally is hard for me to move past. And I think there's ways to make enemies to lovers work, but in this case it isn't.

The actual attack in the last episode was really disappointing to me. Things were so convenient and I understand it's to show how overpowered gun warfare is along with the Japanese not knowing how to combat it, but there's moments where the doors aren't even barricaded. I think they go through.... 2 or 3 doors before the one Heiji opens. Why weren't they barricaded in any way? And don't tell me it couldn't have been barricaded, because it could have been! Seki and Akemi block it with a single rifle. And this actually brings in the question of how Taigen got out. He came from the direction of the castle over the bridge to find Akemi with Seki's dead body.... the man should have been trapped inside with the dying traitors. Like what the fuck happened there?! And I also feel like there would have been more samurai to defend the shogun considering the scale of Fowler's army. The whole rush on the castle just seemed off to me. It honestly felt as if they were running out of budget because they spent so much on the other flawless action scenes in the first 5 episodes...

And then we get into the room where it's Fowler finally meeting the shogun. All this bravado Taigen had saying he'd do anything to protect the shogun, yet he never steps in. He doesn't try to defend him even though Fowler is a single lunge attack away. I understand it's to allow Mizu to be the main character, but the tight space of the room actually made the scene make less sense to me.

So then we get Mizu against Fowler. And this got frustrating to me. They dragged out the scene by having them engage for 5 seconds, Fowler to run, and then for them to cut to the other character's moments. Fowler runs over and over and during this time, Mizu doesn't pick up a weapon multiple times. ALSO Taigen just gets in the fucking way and it's frustrating with so little pay off.

When Mizu finally has her chance to kill Fowler, he starts "spilling the beans" if what he said was actually true. Because he could have been lying that whole damn time and Mizu is just like.... okay yeah. I believe this manipulative sick fuck. So she gets on a damn boat to head to London. BUT this is where it falls through it doesn't make any sense. If I was Fowler, I'd be like FUCK YEAH! I'm gunna live now because as soon as we're in London, I'm gunna yell and call for help. This bitch can't speak a lick of English and she's Japanese as fuck. She's at such a disadvantage and I can't possibly understand how a Japanese woman bringing a white man to London won't be an instant death sentence to her. I get that they want to explore other cultures and areas for this historical period, but the scope is too large. If they had kept it within Japan, simplified the story a bit to make it more self-contained, I think it would have been better. There was editing needed in my opinion.

PS: Akemi stole the show at the end. Taigen is a little shit that I really dislike. Ringo plays the role he needs to. Mizu is so so so broken and I love how gender is whatever she wants it to be but she's also stupid. Eiji is the best and deserves all happiness to him. I really loved the first 5 episodes, so it saddens me that the last 3 weren't as good.

Finished Blue Eye Samurai and it's good, but the story lost a lot of impact in the latter half for me :(

[actuallylorelaigilmore]

regal cinemas won’t stop emailing me about a holiday discount on their unlimited movie pass and it’s only annoying because i actually AM interested in it and it would pay for itself if i watched two movies a month--but since it’s a year pass i can’t afford the $200 upfront so it’s just rude of them to keep reminding me

[the-softest-bruise]

Post your favorite album by 8 artists you like and your favorite song from the album…

I'm counting on the expand post feature, if for some reason it doesn't work out oopsie haha *twirls hair* sorry for not being able to shut up about my questionable taste in music lmao. I have no idea how to add a read more on mobile in the year of the lord two thousand and twenty two

I was tagged by @lagloriana thank you so much! ❤️ (yes of course I wanna do it!! consider me down for getting tagged in anything really, even if it takes me several years to get around to doing it in the end)

I'm tagging @eulenspiegelei @burning-in-this-dark-world @melaninm0nster @maybecomedy (only if you want to of course! also please let me know if anyone wants to be removed from this post, that's no problem) (also!! if anyone wants to be added that shouldn't be a problem either! just lemme know)

Alright here goes, sorry in advance if anyone decides to listen to anything simply because I'm mentioning it here:

1. Lana del Rey / Ultraviolence - Cruel World (i don't know what it is but this song unlocks shrimp emotions in me. Also I'm aware how much she clashes with the rest of this list but she's everything and whenever she releases something new I will listen to it no questions asked. Hope I get to see her live on stage one day ❤️)

2. Alice Cooper / Brutal Planet - Cold Machines (probably not my favorite song by him generally speaking but probably my favorite song on that particular album on which I like every single one of the songs. The only singer on this list I've seen live on stage - twice - and intend to see again, fingers crossed. He means so much to me and my obsession with Your Dad's Music™ is entirely his fault because he started it when I heard Poison for the first time in 2008)

3. Limpbizkit / Chocolate Starfish and Hotdog Flavored Water - My Way (listen, if the music sounds like something that would be played at a small independent skateboard store that sells oversized hoodies it's very likely right up my alley, no matter if it's rap, rock or reggae or a mix of all of these genres)

4. Linkin Park / Meteora - Somewhere I Belong (I'd say I like Hybrid Theory just the same, maybe even more, but it's harder to pick a favorite song on there. One of the bands that means the most to me but that I hardly ever actually listen to anymore)

5. HIM / Deep Shadows and Brilliant Highlights - Beautiful (I remember so clearly the first time listening to this album in 2005~ish, I got the CD from the library and kept returning it just to immediately borrow it again until I finally bought it from the local record store. Feels like a melancholic summer night just after sundown)

6. Led Zeppelin / Mothership - When The Levee Breaks (yeah that's a Best Of Album, so what. It has all the good shit. Feels like late summer to me and I always listen to it in the car throughout September)

7. Metallica / Black Album - Wherever I May Roam (that's probably a controversial opinion, I know the black album is a breaking point in the band history for some fans. also, I don't necessarily consider myself a die hard fan despite literally owning a t-shirt lol. I do like this album though and have a lot of memories connected to it.)

8. Mötley Crüe (derogatory) (I have been listening to their music A LOT lately while literally thinking they're trash but not being able to fucking stop? I don't know which new mental illness I have discovered in me) / Theater of Pain - Home Sweet Home (here's the thing: Mötley Crüe is not even remotely in my top ten of favorite bands and theater of pain itself is okay I guess? However this fucking song? This FUCKING song?? Yes I DO take you to my heart. Yes I DO feel you in my bones. No I REALLY never feel left all alone when I just take this song. 😭❤️😭❤️✊😔❤️️ I love this song so much I've been considering getting a fucking tattoo of it for well over ten years now, that's how much it means to me. That's long enough to decide about a tattoo, right?? I should do it. Easily in my top five of favorite songs of all times EVER. Play this at my funeral I'm not even kidding)

[vickyvicarious]

Parker: "Teach me to like stuff."

.

Okay, so. I have some thoughts about The French Connection Job's Parker+Eliot subplot. And I think I wanna approach it separately, scene by scene from each of their perspectives, because we have a couple different things going on here. It's still a little more of a Parker meta than an Eliot meta, but I have enough to talk about on both sides, and they're connected enough not to be in separate metas, that I am going to do it this way.

Also going to put this under a cut because it gets long.

Parker

This whole subplot comes on the heels of the last episode, in which there was a lot of banter throughout about Hardison and Parker's dates, and him wanting to branch out into other things than just bungee jumping or whatever. We have seen hints of this throughout S5 so far, even though we're only a few episodes in at this point. They went on a world tour that was pretty much just jumping off of stuff, Hardison said something about them figuring things out. We saw a cute domestic scene of the aftermath of them watching a movie together, except Parker 'fell asleep again' and missed most of it, and Hardison eventually went off to work on his laptop. Parker tried to comfort him last episode about dust mites and ended up freaking him out instead. She talked about how she liked fire and Hardison complained she was missing the point of his offer for a candlelit picnic. They did end on a very romantic note with her still making the effort to make it happen but getting rained out, and him recognizing her effort and listening to him, and projecting the stars around the dark room then having the picnic inside. They are clearly very happy together and both making the effort to meet in the middle, but there are still some disconnects. Which makes sense this early on anyway, but it's not out of place for Parker to start getting worried about her limited interests here given the context of them contrasting Hardison's more widespread interests.

Starting right off the bat - there's a picture limit so I can't show these early moments, but throughout the first part of the episode we see Parker looking visibly upset/pensive. Hardison notices and asks her what's wrong, but is immediately distracted by his package arriving, and then the team gets into the briefing and he doesn't get to talk to her again. (Sidenote that this is pretty OOC for Hardison, and I have to assume he would at the very least come back to her later, but they were clearly trying to get Parker talking with someone else this episode and apparently couldn't come up with a better way to do it. His writing outside of the kitchen stuff was kinda off this whole episode anyway, what with the whole tip thing.) She was about to open up to him, however, which is important. There's also a scene shortly afterwards where she confides in Nate, again after he notices her being upset and asks what's bothering her. She claims everyone but her has 'a thing', and names a few of them. He asks her what she thinks when she sees Michelangelo's David, and when her answer is an immediate assessment of how it's guarded and what she'd have to do to steal it, he kind of hesitates and then goes right back to running the con. He basically gives up on helping her with this once it becomes clear that a quick sentence or two isn't gonna cut it.

So after those brief, unhelpful conversations, that's when she makes a move. She was responding to others before, but this time she comes up to Eliot, clearly nervous. And she asks him to help her feel something.

(I find it very interesting that she doesn't ask Sophie. Sophie is the person who she would usually go to for something like this, after all. But, aside from this being an Eliot-centric episode and just like them sidelining Hardison's possible assistance earlier the writers want Parker to talk with Eliot not Sophie, I think there are maybe a couple reasons why she might go to him here. First, just distance. Eliot is right downstairs, meanwhile at the moment Sophie is however far across town at her theater. Certainly not saying she wouldn't go to Sophie eventually, but maybe that's why not first. Second, she and Eliot have an understanding, one that's been explicitly acknowledged since the start of S4. They are similar in a way entirely unlike the rest of the crew. So while Sophie may understand emotions best, Eliot is the one most likely to know what Parker is talking about when she says she just isn't feeling anything. Which by the way I'm gonna get more into later on. Thirdly they're in love but that's not actually relevant here since all of the team love one another.)

Eliot

On Eliot's side, she approaches him when he's busy in the kitchen. This whole job is stirring up a lot of old feelings in him right from the start. Toby was someone who 'kept him from falling all the way down', and Eliot is deeply concerned for him. At the same time, the way they are running this con is allowing Eliot to take on the role of teacher. Even though his students aren't anything like the eager students Toby has just had taken away from him, Eliot wants so badly to take advantage of this opportunity to teach them - maybe even all the more because they're resistant. He's being given a very rare opportunity to indulge his belief that food is life and to share it on a larger scale. To use the knife to create, not just destroy. Leverage often walks a line between doing both (taking down the bad guys and helping people) but Eliot doesn't often just straight up get to just do the 'creating' part. (I mean, he loves the destruction too, he genuinely loves beating people up and taking down bad guys, but this is a rarer pleasure.) So he's pretty preoccupied with that at first, and initially dismisses Parker just like the other two guys did.

But when she just looks quietly disappointed at his response, he goes still and watches her. We cut away from them here so we don't see his actual response, but it's immediately clear that he's realizing this is actually something deeply important to Parker, and well worth his time.

On to the next part of this scene below.

.

[Eliot sets a dish down in front of Parker]

Parker: "...It's just food."

Eliot: "It's not just food! Alright, some people could look at it and just see food, but not me. I see art. When I'm in the kitchen I'm, I'm creating something outta nothing, you know what I mean? And sometimes I crush it, sometimes it's crap, but either way - it makes me feel something."

Parker: "Feel what?"

Eliot: "Just... feel."

Parker: [murmuring] "Feel... okay." [looks down at the food and hesitates]

Eliot: "You know, I didn't feel anything for a long time. Then Toby taught me how to cook, and after he did, I started to feel stuff again. That's why I share it through my food - this is my art. This is my art, Parker." [Parker nods, looking worried] "It's like lettin' a stranger in your head, just for a second. And you allow them to feel what you're feeling." [pause] "Look again." [he pushes the plate a little closer to her. Parker takes a deep breath and slowly sets her elbows down on the counter as she stares down at the plate. Eliot watches her closely.]

Parker

At this point I want to talk a little about what Parker means when she says "feel something" and talks about "having a thing." Because we've seen her have interests outside of straightforward thievery before. Sure, most of her hobbies revolves around stealing - casing local banks for fun, for example. But she clearly has a deep love for Christmas and for chocolate. So why doesn't she count those kinds of things as 'feeling something'?

I think it comes down to what Eliot's talking about here. It's a sense of art. Not even necessarily making it yourself, although that certainly applies. Parker likes sweet things like chocolate and donuts, but although she really really likes them they don't make her feel any truly deep emotion. It's more tactile than anything else, just a pleasant flavor. Her love of Christmas isn't the same either in her eyes because it's not uniquely hers. It's something she loves to celebrate but she can't do so all year round, and plenty of other people like Christmas too. This one comes a lot closer, because it definitely seems to be tied up more in community and family for her than something like enjoying chocolate and piñatas, but it still doesn't belong to her in the same way that cooking does to Eliot or theater does to Sophie. And while theoretically her love of base jumping and so on could maybe count, it is still so tied up in her thieving that it doesn't feel separate. She's really good at drawing but only thinks of it as a useful skill, not a creative outlet - this is similar to that.

She has been branching out into a lot of new experiences and emotions lately, and while she's struck out deep into uncharted waters with her relationship with Hardison, once there she's only seeing more and more things that she just... doesn't get. She loves spending time with him, and enjoys what they do together, but she doesn't understand all of those things. Not on a deeper level. She wants to feel that sense of connection to something, wants to feel deeply emotionally moved by something.

And honestly? I think she's way up in her head about it. I'm not trying to dismiss her struggle here at all, but I do think she is stressing herself out about having something uniquely her own. About having a huge interest that speaks so strongly to her personally. And those are amazing to have, but it's really not necessary. She doesn't need a strong secondary passion so much as she needs to let go of trying so hard to force herself into something.

And what's happening in this scene in particular is that Parker is trying so so hard to force herself to feel something. It's evident in her face throughout the whole scene, in her body language. And she is so terrified that it's not going to work that honestly, I'm not surprised at all that it doesn't.

Eliot

On Eliot's side of this scene, he feels like he recognizes where Parker is. This entire job has him remembering how it was to feel nothing. Her phrasing got to him deeply. He wants to reach out and teach her to see something more, just like Toby taught him.

He knew a bit about how to cook before Toby. But it was only seeing Toby's passion that struck something in him, that awoke a part of himself he might've never known before. For Eliot specifically, cooking being an art isn't just something he likes. It's something that brings him hope.

Eliot doesn't believe in redemption. But he believes in actions. And what Toby did, by teaching him to cook, was to teach him that his actions can be good. That he can create, not just destroy. That all is not lost - not 'for' him necessarily, so much as 'in' him. There is a deep empty place inside himself that he can enter so so easily. The difficulty is crawling back out again. Cooking was his rope out of there. He still finds it difficult to express his emotions very often, particularly verbally, but when he makes someone a meal he puts a part of himself into it. And yet doing so doesn't take anything from him, it just adds more.

This is all very vague and figurative and may make no sense, but the takeaway I want to have is that Eliot is opening up to Parker on a very deep level here. He feels like he recognizes what she's talking about, and it was a very bad place for him. (Again, I don't think she is quite that badly off at this point in canon, but I digress.) And while making food allows him to feel that he is demonstrating his love for someone, that he is sharing a part of himself with them, he recognizes that she isn't receiving that. What she's getting, is just a plate of food. Tasty food maybe, but nothing more than that. And so Eliot verbalizes everything to her in a way he rarely does.

And then he keeps trying. This scene obviously doesn't end up making her feel something, and we don't get to see the immediate aftermath of that, but we can glean a little about how they feel based on their reactions. And Eliot is deeply determined to help Parker feel something from his food. He insists that she play the food critic; even speaks directly to her and reminds her to consider what they talked about.

.

In the restaurant, we start out with Parker dutifully playing her role but feeling nothing much beyond just the role. Eliot checks in with Parker, she acknowledges that the food is good but doesn't make her feel anything, and he makes improvements based on her feedback. Then something abruptly changes.

Parker: "I can taste garlic, and mushrooms... and something else that makes me feel different."

Hardison: "Wait, was that for me, cause I-I don't get it."

Parker: "No, it's the food. I get it." [smiles] "I feel something."

+

Parker: "Mmm! These black noodles are amazing!

Eliot: "Parker, it's tagliolini nero con gamberi."

Parker: "Mmm." [eats a huge forkful] "Mmm. Mmmm. These are really good."

Parker

What just happened here? Last we saw from Parker, she'd failed to feel something from the meal Eliot made especially for her in the brewpub, and she was clearly disheartened. She felt it as a failure, very much in the sense of a disappointment. She didn't want to try again, didn't think it would work, and tried to protest when Eliot said she would be the food critic. Even once she got to the restaurant, nothing was happening for her.

The difference wasn't in the flavor of the food. The moment Parker started to feel something was right after she said she felt nothing and Eliot, instead of being disappointed or giving up, took it as a challenge. He changed his recipe, he improved it specifically to better reach out to her. He kept trying.

And yeah, maybe the bone broth helped it taste better. But that wasn't the point, not really. The point is that Parker had gotten herself stuck in a hole, trapped herself in this cycle of not understanding how things make you feel and then believing that she just couldn't. She wanted something of her own and she didn't have it and she didn't immediately get anyone else's thing either, and that was it. She just wasn't capable. She was other. This is an old old fear of Parkers, dating back to Archie or even before. Something in her just isn't capable of being like other people. She wasn't worthy of being in Archie's real family, and she's not able to feel passion for anything outside of stealing. (Setting aside the fact that she loves her team, that all she needed was the right family. That you don't have to be a creator to feel passion, and you don't need to be passionate about any particular thing in order to feel deeply and find beauty in the world.) Parker has empathized deeply with people, has felt so intensely before and is constantly trying to learn more and new ways to be. But because she is noticing her teams' passions now, she has this ideal that she wants to reach, and none of that is good enough for her. She doesn't even know exactly what her ideal involves, but she can't get to it.

But when Eliot doesn't give up, that gets to her. If he views his food as sharing himself with others, Parker finally gets what he's been trying to give all along. It's all about him trying again and again, changing his approach to match her better. That's what she feels, that's what she enjoys.

And once she starts, the floodgates open. She loves the black noodles. She is so happy, she is relieved. There was this huge resistance that she couldn't get past before, but Eliot persisting helped her to break past that and now that she is out of her head about it she can enjoy the food in a way she never has before. Because she feels his love for her in it.

Eliot

Eliot is trying so hard to connect to Parker. It's not really different from what I said in the last Eliot section, and basically the same as what I just said in that Parker section, but I want to emphasize a little more just how much this is about love on his end.

Eliot loves Parker. He loves her, and he wants so much to help her. It doesn't honestly matter that he does this with food, except for the fact that food is what matters so deeply to Eliot himself. He can't reach out to her in the same way through any other medium. And we don't get to see his reaction to Parker's moment of realization. But I think it would be such a deep sense of joy. This is as fulfilling for Eliot as it is for Parker. It's exactly what Eliot has been hoping for this whole episode, to teach someone else to see food in the same way he does. It doesn't matter if it only lasts for a moment or a single meal. That's enough. He has been the support Parker needed through this time of self-doubt. And it is all the more meaningful to him because this isn't just a random student, this is Parker.

He told her he loves her through his food, again and again, and she eventually felt it. She understood. That must mean so much to him.

.

I wanna end with one more brief note on Parker. Does she get her own "thing" this episode? No. No she does not, and this scene shows us that. Parker is not suddenly interested in food or cooking. The importance of that meal was purely derived from Eliot on the other end of it, focused on her and trying his best to reach out to her.

And I don't think this is something only Eliot could have done for her either, not really. The difference between him and the others this episode is mostly in persistence. However, it's also about her mentality. Hardison has built/done things for Parker before and she felt them just as deeply - but the context was different. She wasn't looking for a sense of beauty or art in the world at large then, and so even though she felt the love in the gift just as much, it didn't make her feel like she could find that kind of emotion in other things. She just wasn't looking for it. Also, it was made easier for Eliot to reach out because there's that connection Parker has with him, that understanding that they are on the same level somehow. She doesn't feel that with Hardison - and she loves him all the more for him being different from her, but he also I think can intimidate her with how good and open he is, with how much he can feel in so many different directions. It's part of why she got so worried about herself not being able to do so this episode.

Like, the team has scolded Nate for not having a life or interests of his own outside the job not too terribly long ago! And Parker has had her own joys before! But she isn't seeing that this episode, too caught up in this fear about not having her own 'thing', not feeling anything that way. So while anyone could have helped her through this, it was easiest for her to let Eliot do so + for him to understand what she needed from him. (Hardison in particular was rudely robbed the opportunity, but they all love and support her and could have reached her. Not to detract from Eliot doing so, but also I don't wanna sound like no other method of reaching out would've worked.)

But as soon as she feels something once with Eliot's help, that relaxes those fears. And then Parker is free to look in other places. She remembers Nate's comment about art, and maybe even tells him what she plans based on him knowing where she is at the end of the episode. And then she goes to visit this statue. In her own way which means breaking in, but without any goal of taking it. She just goes to look at the art. And she feels something again.

Parker doesn't gain some big passion at the end of this episode. She doesn't need to. She never did. She just learns how to let herself relax from that restrictive frame of mind. To simply be in the moment and enjoy things for the sake of what they are. To feel - not really in any way she was incapable of before, but intentionally now. It's a quiet victory, in the end. It doesn't mean she's going to get a new hobby or change her lifestyle at all really. But she's let go of a fear and is now intentionally seeking out new connections with the world beyond her once-limited parameters.

[itsmoonphobic]

👑Royal Buisness👑 (SBI+Tommy AU)

Hello!My name is Moonbow and I am a huge sbi+more fan! And so I decided to do my bois some justice and create a au based off of dnd and skyrim!They all reside in the land of "Bladestrom" a legendary kingdom build out of mysterious ruins and on the ground where dragons once rested.I will let you in on some headcanons and insights about each character!I hope you guys enjoy it🥺👑💓

Dave(Techno) Blade:

The 12th heir of the throne King Technoblade,or simply King Blade.A strong and fearless warrior known for his determination,power and strength.

He has a serious and egoistic facade.Though in reality the king is anything but egoistic and serious.Quiet the opposite actually:He tends to be very polite and respectful.Sure his ego is the size of a full grown dragon but he is a big hearted man.

Techno mostly stays in his castle walls and prefers to read or write in peace.The only time he will actually step foot in the outside world was during night,when his people need him or his favorite hobby ;)

He has a pretty unbalanced and unhealthy sleeping schedule which he constantly gets reminded of.

The only person Techno actually lets into his private life is his best friend Phil.Phil is Techno's personal knight and right hand man.Techno trusts Phil with his eyes closed,his loyalty is very appreciated.

A huge downside for Techno's reputation is that he is really shy and socially awkward.The poor guy can't find the right words or say anything normal without feeling like he said something fully absurd.

Apart from reading and fighting,Techno loves to farm potatoes in his free time.He loves the fresh taste once they are harvested and prepared properly!!His potatoes are known to be from the best quality in the whole land!Which earns Techno some extra money.

Techno won't admit it infront of Phil or anyone else but he has a soft spot for children,especially orphans. He knows the feeling of growing up without parents and he feels connected to them.That's why Techno stops by the local orphanage to donate some money he earned from his potato farming.

Techno loves to train and upgrade his swordsmanship abilities to their fullest potential.Always coming up with new strategies and techniques to use whenever the time for war would fall upon them once again.

And speaking of war,the thing that terrified the neighboring kingdoms and enemies even more about King Blade is the fact that he never manages to lose. Everyone stupid enough to challenge the king of Bladestrom would go down in shame and regret.

Though Techno isn't really in control of himself in those types of situations.His lust for blood overcomes his senses and he can't but see red with every step he takes on the battlefield.

Phil is usually the one who manages to calm him down and get him back to his normal self.Techno would feel awful and expose the side he hates the most about him to Phil: Vulnerability

Techno doesn't take things very seriously.He is very sarcastic and relaxed all the time,and that's what makes him even scarier.

He competes in the yearly bladestrom championships which is a battle arena with different challenges and obstacles you have to beat.And suprise,suprise Techno wins em' all!

Techno suffers from adhd and anxiety.Something that only Phil is aware of is Techno's ptsd.He didn't exactly have the luxurious and perfect life growing up,so when he ends up getting nightmares or panic attacks Phil's dad instincts take over and do their thing.

Long story short,Techno doesn't necessarily know his limits,but he is hundred percent aware of his strengths and weaknesses.He protects and takes care of the people he deeply cares about and welcomes them as family.His power is what makes him a fearless and violent king.But his heart is what makes him a kind and understanding human.And if he ever forgets about that side of him he simply has to listen to the repeated beating in his chest.

Phil Watson:

The royal guard with a five year long achievement on staying at the top of his game and ranking as the number one royal knight.

Earning himself the trust and life long,brother like friendship with the king himself was a big plus!

Phil is a very loyal and hardworking man.He seeks justice and always wants to take things the slow and pacifistic way before instantly turning to violence and bloodshed,much unlike his best friend.

Phil is very kind,and gentle when he needs to be. Everyone loves seeing Phil in the local town tavern or in a city bar.He always seems to read poeple like an open book and find the right topics to talk about.

Techno and Phil have a very close and important relationship.They are like a brothers,though Techno secretly looks up to Phil like a father he never had. Phil would risk his life for Techno,not only becouse of his duty as his personal guard,but becouse family comes first.

Phil is a very wholesome and strong willed guy.

Whenever Techno is feeling down or something like a panick attack or nightmare is happening,Phil immediately notices it.Techno doesn't have to say a word for Phil to hug him and take care of the vulnerable king in his hands.

He will find Techno on his balcony while patrolling the castle halls or garden in the middle of the night just staring at the moonlit sky.He always seems so lost in thought and carefree that Phil simply smiles and continues his work.

He does scold him for not resting enough the next day though-so he's never really off the hook :D

Phil is also the only person who really knows Techno.He knows his deepest fears,biggest insecurities and darkest secrets.He sees him in moments where the world would turn his back on him but Phil doesn't and he never will.That's what he promised him all those years ago.

Long story short,Phil is very kind and hardworking.He takes problems into his own hands and solves them the best way he possibly can.He can and will tease the living daylight out of Techno and that infront of other residents of the castle who don't know if they should laugh or simply stare in shock.Phil deeply loves and cares of Techno like his son and always makes sure ro put his well being infront of his own.

(I WOULD DIE FOR PHIL-HE IS SO WHOLESOME AHHH-)

Wilbur Soot:

A lonesome musician on the lookout for money and success-

Wilbur is a guitarist living on the streets of Bladestrom He goes from bar to bar and performs his musical talent there.Though the majority of the time Wil plays and sings on the streets.

Earning money is hard so affording an apartment,even a room for a few nights is almost impossible for Wilbur since he only earns a few silver coins per night,that is if he gets lucky and poeple actually listen to him.

He is very charming and suave,also add the fact that he is pretty handsome to the list and you have yourself the perfect boyfriend.May I inform you that his voice is a perfect balance between velvety and rough-

Wilbur isn't from Bladestrom.He grew up in another kingdom which he can't remember the name from since he arrived here during a war 19 years ago.

He never really heard from his parents,they just sort of disappeared.But that was something Wilbur didn't question,he didn't care about them.He learned how to survive and keep himself company.He doesn't need a family ro accomplish his goals.

Wilbur is a huge gentleman and he is also tends to be extremely flirtatious,which he is really good at btw!So yeah he earns himself some extra points with the ladies ;)

His biggest dream that he is trying to achieve is to become a famous musician in the whole entire land. Opening his own theater and doing what he loves the most.Sing and perform.

But living on the streets has it's ups and down's.Most nights Wilbur has to deal with drunk people wandering the alleyways or annoying little children who constantly pickpocket you-

Wilbur will sometimes nonchalantly sneak into a hotel and sleep in one of their cozy beds,since he doesn't experience that feeling often.Or the places he performs at reward him with shelter instead of money.

Long story short,Wilbur can keep apart dreams and reality.He is a smart and sly person who knows how to accomplish his goals.Even though Wilbur has his one Night stands more than often he would never betray a woman if he got into a serious relationship,which he plans on not having any time soon.He keeps to himself and sternly focuses on the things that matter in life,everything else is irrelevant.

Tommy Simons:

An energetic orphan with no manners and the mouth of a sailor.

Tommy grew up on the streets,any memory of his past life or family only appear as a missing puzzle piece or a black canvas.

Tommy is a very outgoing and optimistic person,his emotions are practically worn out on his sleeves.

Spending his days in the local town orphanage Tommy met a few poeple who he spends his time with.You could say that he has formed a wierd alliance with his more questionable friends.

Tommy learned how to defend himself and make sure that his "gang" stas safe aswell.He is quite the expert at pickpocketing which comes in handy.

Being quick and light on his feet,if Tommy does get caught by the royal guards he manages to escape and get away with the stuff he stole.

On the other hand though,Tommy is extremely clumsy and seeks huge amount of admiration in any way.He constantly wants people to refer to him as the best.

And to repeatedly prove himself worthy of that title he picks fights with multiple poeple and always manages to make poeple hate him.He won't say it out loud but he sees the bloody noses and bruises as badges of honor,he's proud of them.

This little troublemaker has only one person he dreams to meet one day,but for now he can only hear stories about him and admire him from afar.And that person is none other than King Blade himself.

Oh what he would give to train with him and show off his badass moves and fighting skills.

Long story short,Tommy doesn't think before he acts and he surprisingly manages to pull off any stupid stunt he plans to do.For Tommy it's kill or be killed.Either you face your fears head on and establish dominance or you act like a coward and run away.And there was no way Tommy ever does the second option even if it gets him into dangerous situations.Tommy is very overprotective over poeple he cares about,his guild is his brotherhood,his family,and he would do anything for them,even going sofar as risking his life.

THIS IS ALL I HAVE FOR NOW-I HOPE YOU GUYS LIKE THIS AU BECOUSE I AM ABSOLUTELY IN LOVE AND I CAN'T GET OVER THE FACT THAT MY BRAIN ACTUALLY MANAGED TO WORK PROPERLY AND CREATE SOMETHING USEFUL-Sorry I ramble alot,anyway I am definitely planing on making this a whole ass fanfiction on AO3 so yeah KWKDJWKIS I AM HYPED!!Love u all <3

[movienotesbyzawmer]

April 6: Rocky

I have learned that the six Rocky movies (so all of the Rocky ones but not the Creed movies) are available on HBO Max. I was looking for a new watch-and-take-notes-and-post-the-notes project, so yo. Check it.

I've seen all six of these movies. I saw most of this one in the theater, like, back then! I was terribly terribly young! Maybe 7. I remember my friend Greg really wanted to see it, but our parents wouldn't let us. So we had them drop us off to see Capricorn One, but Greg made us sneak in to watch Rocky instead. He was so excited about it he wanted to play-punch afterward, but it hurt and I didn't like play-punch. I also didn't care about the movie. You know what movie is decent, though? Capricorn One. Although the supporting performance from O.J. Simpson might throw ya.

Anyway, since its release the reputation of this movie has remained very strong. It won Best Picture in an extremely competitive year. It is very much the Rocky Balboa of that year's awards contenders! But I'm pretty sure I'm going to be watching this first movie and admiring its scrappiness, then watching the subsequent ones and rolling my eyes at their formulaic-ness.

The opening fanfare sets the atmosphere really awesomely actually.

Oh also I don't care at all for boxing. And yet it seems like the idea of it is good drama fodder, I mean the idea of a sport of just two people punching each other until one of them is the winner at that.

So the first scene is a boxing match in a little church somewhere. Some people are in attendance who apparently like to pass the time watching punching. Rocky is bloody and hangdog. After the fight, which Rocky won, both fighters convalesce next to each other in a back room, kind of indifferently. But we have learned that punch-sport is a part of Christian life.

Rocky walks home through the gritty streets, past his friends who sing rudimentary a capella music on a street corner. They should work on the complexity of their harmonies.

Rocky is home and his home is gritty also. Atmosphere. He has a tank with animals in it. I cannot tell what the animals are. He talks to them. Personality.

He has a mirror he looks at and the mirror is decorated with pictures of Young Sylvester Stallone. They are totally pictures of him as a boy and young man. But Sylvester Stallone was not in character as Rocky Balboa when he took those pictures. It is a little jarring.

At the pet store the next day we are introduced to Adrian. That is the spelling, I checked. She is very very very shy-acting. The director told her to act shy, and she was like OH I'M GOING TO MEET AND EXCEED THOSE EXPECTATIONS.

Rocky's next stop is The Docks. I am surprised that Philadelphia has a dock area with such large ships, but I guess that's real. But I'm also surprised that he's there on the business of being the muscle for a loan shark. I didn't remember about that side of Rocky's complex, complex personality.

That scene just ended with a very 80s-teen-movie moment; a fellow thug rolled down his window and bullyingly yelled, "so long, meatbag!" We feel so bad that Rocky doesn't have the respect of his coworkers in the loan shark gang.

After getting dressed down by his gangster colleagues, he then goes to his gym and there's this whole thing about how the coach guy is so sick of Rocky's boxing mediocrity that they gave someone else his locker. It seems like that wouldn't happen. On his way out, the other boxer taunts him by saying he's pumped to be in receipt of Rocky's locker which is a very fine locker. We saw it, though. It was just a locker.

Adrian again. Broad caricature of an introverted person. I don't buy it maybe. Then a scene in a bar and the conversation with the bartender is also dumb fakey acting.

He later came upon a bunch of jerks on a corner, but among them was an awkward teenage girl that he knows. He makes her leave with him and tries to give him avuncular advice, but that scene ends with her telling him, "screw you creepo!" The exposition of this movie has a very opaque strategy.

0:30:00 - A scene with Apollo Creed does some more very unnatural exposition, setting up the premise that some local underdog is going to get a chance to fight him. This doesn't seem like an acclaimed movie. This seems like a scene in a cheap romance movie where the Handsome Man confesses to his best friend that what he's really looking for in a woman is someone not so pretty.

AC is flipping through a straight-up book, looking for a good boxer to fight on January 1, 1976, to celebrate the bicentennial. I'm a little "wha?" about some of this. He chooses Rocky Balboa because of his catchy "Italian Stallion" nickname and remember because Columbus was Italian so

Rocky and Adrian go on a date. It's Thanksgiving but that happens anyway. It does not bristle with romantic energy. It reeks of social obligations. It seems like the beginning of the kind of loveless relationship your grandparents began in the 1940s in their dustbowl-decimated agrarian community.

They are back at his little shithole apartment and he is a persistent man and I do not root for this relationship.

Things escalated kind of quickly. Rocky got invited to an agent guy's fancy office and offered a chance to fight for the World Heavyweight Championship. The next scene, everyone knows about it and he's on TV. He seems like a dumb lug. How can he possibly succeed. Good job contrasting his character with the big celebrity, though.

Burges Meredith is oddly appealing as this surly, pirate-talking boxer-coach-manager guy. He comes to Rocky's apartment sucking up, and Rocky isn't receptive, I'm pretty much buying BM's different emotions, and Rocky's.

1:11:24 - Pretty sure my friend and I talked a lot about this scene when we saw it back then, he fills a glass with raw eggs and drinks it up. All one shot, baby.

This scene with Paulie, Adrian's brother who is Rocky's friend, I don't like. Paulie is a bad friend. That scene ends with Rocky beating up pig carcasses. They should have just had that part.

His hands are bloody when he punches the meat things. That's his blood, right? That's not like animal flesh?

We just had a very melodramatic scene with Rocky and Adrian and Pauly, and Pauly just went nuts. This time, at least, Rocky and Adrian react to him the way you'd think people normally would.

1:30:55 - Famous training montage. I think as this movie series progresses these montages get more stylish. As it is, it's going for just a rousing moment of "he seems confident as he trains", as the music pumps you up with the profound lyrics, "trying hard now" and "getting strong now".

They have actually explained almost nothing about the specifics of boxing. I realize that now as Rocky says "no one has ever gone the distance with Creed". Which I think means something about going all 15 rounds, right? But the point is that I haven't had to hear much about stuff like that, and I honestly don't mind that.

1:44:30 - Ew, some actually kind of bad stock footage of the crowd at the fight. Oh, but then a cameo by actual Joe Frazier, probably.

As the fight begins I gotta say I have been effectively made to root for this underdog hero. I've been indifferent to most of the movie so far, and I'm indifferent to boxing, but ferrealz I'm excited to watch this fight.

It's cinematic with lots of angles that you don't see when you're watching actual fights (I assume), but also the actual fight-acting by Stallone and Carl Weathers seems like they're getting it right. That can't be easy, right? I mean, it's punching! Faces!

1:54:11 - Oh shit I remember this ahhhhhh his eye his eye, his EYE is swollen shut and he tells them to cut it open! That, like, what? He's going to go back out and fight with his eyelid literally slashed open WHAT

They weren't even that careful doing that slice

I thought they would be relying more on the commentators as narrators to tell us what to feel, but it's really all the cinematic storytelling that is getting it done.

But the aftermath of the fight is like opera, everyone is passionate and yelling and it doesn't work on me as well as it must for most people. I don't even exactly get what the outcome of the fight is (partly because I don't understand boxing). But that's the point, at least a little bit; in the heat of passion he just wants to tell Adrian that he loves her. That works well for this movie. And the way it just ends in that swirl of excitement, no denouement, it's really effective.

So overall there are lots of things about this movie that I don't care for, but there are some things to appreciate. It's not a fancy movie, but it seems like they did a particularly good job with the final boxing match feeling like exciting movie drama while also seeming like authentic boxing. As if I know anything about authentic boxing.

I don't agree that it should have won Best Picture over Network, All the President's Men, and Taxi Driver.

One last observation: looking back, I'm pretty sure that scene with the teenage girl is a result of the observation that the movie greatly lacks females.

(next: Rocky II)

[kittycatgundam]

Odd Omens

Chapter 1

Angels and demons, good and evil is there ever anything in between a gray area? This question had my head spinning for a long time. Life is just weird most of the time.

I believe it just the way thing work and went on with my life. If only life was that easy. At least my life.

But no my life a pile of complicated shit. I wouldn't wish my life on my worst enemy.

Okay that's enough renting now I'll tell you my story.

For a long time I didn't have a name. You see my earliest memory is of a garden. Not just any garden no. It all started in the Garden of Eden.

Yep, that garden, the one with Adam and Eve.

My parents were both angels.

Wait, I hear you angels can't have kids can they?

I'm not sure myself how it happen but my parents found a way. I wish I could ask but I can't you see they are dead. Now were was I ... oh yeah the garden.

It's this garden were I was born. I bet you think I was born a angel with white wings on my back. You're only half right. My left wing is white but my right is black.

But how I hear you ask. Well, like I said both my parents were angels but my mom end up becoming a demon while she was pregnant with me. Get the picture now.

So I'm half angel and half demon. Cool huh, not really.

If you know anything about heaven and hell they don't like anything that they think might overpower them and that were I come in. You see I was seen as a threat to their power.

I think you might be getting the picture I think.

My parents hide my very existence so I would be safe. Of course any parent hided there kid from danger everyone know that. But how do you hid a kid from a god who can see everything. It's not easy let me tell you. Let's just say god was too busy with what was going in his garden. Untill my parents were found out to be in a relationship.

While I was in hiding I never saw but one of my parents at a time it was safer that way.

So I never went out into the garden you ask. Well you see I did go out to the garden and I made a couple of friends who mean the world to me. If you can call them friends. Maybe they are I'm not sure.

The first I met was a snake. He was in one of the trees. I went up to the snake and pet his head. That right I was not scared at all that the snake might bit me. I never need to be scared at any of the animals in the garden they were all really nice to me.

This snake had beautiful eyes and was so cool looking. He even talked to me. Yep, animals can talk in the garden but then again it might been that I could talk to them I don't know.

"What are you doing here? Who are you?" The snake ask me.

"I live here this only place I know. I don't who am, I don't even have a name you see. I just know I like you and that all I know." I told the snake.

"I see." Said the snake.

After that I would come see my snake friend ever now and then but one day he disappeared. I couldn't find him anywhere but I did found someone else.

An angle was standing by the tree that snake would be in when I came to see him. He look nice and maybe he knew where my snake friend was but I couldn't let him see me or anyone see who I really was so I had to change my appearance into something that was not out of place. I turn myself into a fox.

"Well, hello there little fellow." The angel saided to me.

I growled at him. "I'm a girl not a boy." I informed him.

"Sorry, about that you all look the same so it hard to tell. What a minute did you just speak to me?" He said as he was take aback by a fox talking to him.

"Yes, is that weird that I can talk?" I ask him as I sat next to him.

"Well, it can be sometime but you might be special. So why are you here?" He ask me.

"I'm looking for my snake friend he gone and I can't find him anywhere. Do you know were he is?" I ask him.

"Sorry my dear I don't where he is. You'll found him one day I bet so don't give up." He told me.

Since that day I would go to the tree and talk to the angle. That was untill a thing happen you know what the thing I'm talking about.

On that day is the day my parents die. My dad was with me that day. He had two piece of fruit from one of the trees from the garden. The fruit were the tree the I meet my friends at to talk to them. I didn't know what was going on. He told me to take the fruit and run. This is the last time I would ever see my dad ever again.

I run untill I found another cave to hide in. I ate both of the fruit. I decided the best way for me to survive was to become a fox and that what I did.

The garden was no more, my parents were gone, and friends were no were to be seen. The truth was I was now alone. I thought I would stay alone for eternity.

I was so wrong. You see life funny that way when you think your life will be one way it never stays that way. I did change onto turn my human form sometime. Just looking for the for the best way to survive.

On that note I have many form but I mostly use 5 forms. Forms one: my real form which just my white and black wings along with my actual eyes that are silver in color and look more like cats eyes then human ones.

Form 2: a fox with reddish blond fur coat and a fluffy tail. The form that I'm in most of the time. I usually only change out of this form if it's foxes mating season.

Form 3: swan is a form I don't really use but I love going to a pond or lake and changing into my swan form and going for swim and there also the flying of course I can't forget that. It's the best feeling in the world flying on one own wings. Better then going to some airport and jumping on a plane that for sure.

Form 4: snake form is a form I rarely used. It's not that I hate been in this form not at all but a white opal color snake with silver eyes doesn't seem like very good camouflage does it. Beautiful yes great for surviving nope.

Form 5: my last form is my human one of course. My human form has reddish blonde hair, bright blue normal looking eyes, and freckles lots of freckles. The only thing I change about this form is that fact of look like a man or a woman. I only been a man when it was easier for me to find work. Oh yeah I don't date. The companies great but the rest of it I can do without thank you very much. I do try to save as much money as I can it better to have some stashed away just in case. So I lots of mony in alots of banks. In truth I probably couldn't spend it all even if I tried.

I readed lots of books. Love stories, Mysteries, fun stories, and stories about different cultures. You never know where you'll end up. It helps to brush up on a local customs so you can blend in. My favorite stories are The Swan Princess and The Ugly Duckling.

I have one tiny problem two actually. My accent and my charisma. The more I stay at one place more my accent begins to adapt once it does it hard to change it. Then there my charisma, it make thing easy sometime and harder other times. Like I said I'm not interesting in dating. I mean I trying to stay under Heaven and Hell radar here. I also don't stay in one place long enough for that sort of thing.

One day I went to a theater in London since those were now becoming popular to watch a new play by a new guy call William Shakespeare. The play was call Hamlet.

I watch the play and noticed two men in the front, one look like just like the angle I met in the garden many centuries ago. The other guy he was with I didn't know.

They were watching play too. They were whispering to each other. What I didn't know what they were talk about since I was to far away to hear untill I hear the guy who look like my angel friend try to cheer on Hamlet. I think he was ask what his friend thought about the play because he then told them that the guy I didn't know was not his friend. I just roll my eyes at this.

Why are you talking to him if he not your friend. You seem like you know him. I left the theater and became a fox again.

I don't like deal with people. Humans have too much of a ego sometime. I went back to been in my human form once again. Why you ask me because sometime I'm too curious for my own good. Sometime I like to eat food even though I don't need to, listening to music is always good, looking for a good book, or just see how the world changes. I never need a reason to be either in my human form or my fox form.

And so the world changes from one century to the next. New thing pop up everwhere citys, cars, tvs, and phones.

Yes, I have a smart phone who doesn't these days.

I was in my human form. I been in my human form for awhile now. I just try to survive so I had to adapt to my surroundings.

One day I took a walk in St James's Park. I very fond of this park. It has a pond to bad it's duck pound. Duck can be such bullies. I was walking to the pond when I noticed I was being followed by some guy. Great, this is not what I need today. Oh by the way I decided to make my human form a woman from now on. I was try to lose the guy who was following me but I couldn't shake him.

"Damn!" I said under my breath.

I need to stop guy from following me. If I couldn't shake him the next best thing to do was to find some people to talk to which work most of the time.

I saw two guys setting on a bench feeding the ducks. Perfect, just what I needed to get this stalker to leave.

One guy setting on the bench had white hair and his friend had dark hair. I walk along the pond and wave at them.

"Hi guys, fancy meeting..."

I didn't get finish this sentence because I didn't know where I was going and was too close to the pond. I slipped and fell right into the water. I was now wet from head to toe. I looked at my stalker to white who seem to be worry if I was ok but dark just look at me like he was thinking how much more stupider can this girl get. I blushed at this and looked away.

The stalker and white seem to be getting ready to come to my rescue but stop because dark had beat them to it. He stood in fornt of me offering his hand to help me up.

"Here let me help you miss." He offered.

I give him my hand and he pull me helping me up but as soon as I was up on my feet dark took this opportunity just to sweep me off my feet and carry me out of the water and to the closest bench.

I held on to dark as he carry me. I saw my stalker was not happy and stormed off.

"You need to be more careful miss." Dark warned me.

"Ok." I manage to get out.

My attention was now on dark. He was hot, like male supermodel hot! He was tall, strong, and wore very stylish clothing which I bet now needed to be taken to the dry cleaners which I was probably end up paying for.

I try keep myself from look at him. It didn't stop me from smelling his cologne which smell really good. I held on tighter to him. My chest begin to tighten as well. I started to think happily that I wouldn't mean if dark never put me down.

Before I knew it I was setting on the bench. White came to see if I was hurt. Dark bend down and gently took my high heel boot off. He move up the pants leg of my jeans and took a look at my left ankle.

"She did a great job of twisting her ankle." Dark told white.

"Look really bad, don't worry my dear we take to the hospitals. You poor thing, you're shaking! Crowley give me your jacket so she can warm up." White said worryingly.

"No." Crowley said angrily. "We are not take her the hospitals. I'm not letting her set a foot in my Bentley so you can forget about it Aziraphale. If you want to help her get on your phone and call for someone else to help her."

"But she hurt, wet, and cold. I'm not going to just stand by and wait for someone else to help her. Look now you are scaring her. Don't worry miss Corwley may look all mean and scary but deep he just a big soft teddy bear." Aziraphale said try to reassuring me by patting my shouder.

Crowley shot him a look of pure anger. If looks could kill this one would have.

"Fine!" Said Crowley angrily. "Here, wear my jacket. I'm going to pick you up and carry you to the car ok?"

I nodded that I understood.

Once again Crowley pick me gently and carry me to his car. I rested my head on his chast has his cologne hit my nose again. I was started to having weird feeling. I was warm, safe, and happy in his arms. Yes, there were alarm Bells screaming in my head but I didn't care.

Aziraphale open the car door so Crowley could sit me down in the front seat of the car. Aziraphale got in the back seat and Corwley got into the driver side.

Crowley's driving can be described like he was in a car chase like in the movies. He was going 90 miles per hour which I knew wasn't speed limit in central London. I thought I was going to die on the way to the hospitals.

Thank to Crowley driving we got to the hospitals in no time. Crowley park the Bentley as close to the hospital entrance that he could get. He got out of the and came to my side and open the door.

"Put the jacket on and put your arms around my neck." Cowley said as he getting ready to pick me up again.

I did as I was told.

"That a good kitty." Crowley teased me.

"Just to let you know this kitty got claws! I might scratch you." I teased him back.

He stop and put his face close to mine.

"I wouldn't mind some scratching and bitting a little later after this if you catch my drift my little sex kitten." Crowley whisper teasley in my ear.

I turn bright red and try to hide my face.

"Damn you to hell!" I mumbled.

"No thank you, been there not a fan." Crowley mumbled.

Oops guess he heard me. Damn I need to work on my teasing game. Wait, what am I saying!

Been carry by Crowley I could tell that had he great body. Oh my god, I just want to shut my mind off. If you were thinking my imagination was running away with me with thoughts I dare not mention you would be right. I wish I wasn't immortal because I just wanted to die.

And Crowley was enjoying evey minute of torturing me.

We found a seating area and Crowley sat me in a chair. Aziraphale went up to the fornt desk to tell a nurse about my twisted ankle. Crowley set next to me. There a noise as my stomach rumbled.

"Are you hungry? I can get a treat as long you keep been a good kitty." Said Crowley enjoy this a bit too much for my taste.

"I'm little hungry but I can wait you needn't worry about me." Told him as I looked round the rest area so I didn't have to look at his face anymore.

This first time someone was make me hissing mad. I wish he just stop.

Crowley walk off and disappeared for a while. Aziraphale sat down on the chair on the other of me.

"We might be here awhile. Were did Crowley go?" Aziraphale wondered.

"I don't know and I don't care." I said as I folded my arms in front of me.

"I'm guessing Crowley been have some fun picking on you. I can tell him to stop if it annoys you." Said Aziraphale.

"No, that ok."

"Are you sure?"

"Yep, I'll just ignore him when he tries to pick on me again." I told Aziraphale and give him smile.

Aziraphale didn't seem so sure about it

Crowley finally came back and sit down next to me.

"Here!" Crowley drop a bag in my lap.

I opened the bag and inside was a sandwich, a bag of crisps, a couple of candy bar, and a coke.

"You didn't have to but thank you Crowley." I said happily.

I guess he really can be a nice guy not just a jerk.

"Well, later we can just ask the vet what kind food our little kitty should eat." Crowley tease me again.

"Crowley, I think that enough teasing her." Aziraphale told him.

"Here I through there hope for you become a better man but I guess even I can be wrong." I tease Crowley.

"You not helping yourself my dear. You might want to stop egging him on." Aziraphale try to warned me.

"Sorry I can't be a better man but maybe later you can find out what I really am." Crowley patting my head as he said this. "And since you're been such a good kitty we'll go buy you a catnip mouse. What do you think Aziraphale?"

"I think you two are out of your minds." Azriphale took out his phone and started to ignore us.

I ate the food Crowley gave me and hug Crowley jacket closer to myself.

I guess Crowley through I was getting cold because he put a arm around me and pull me closer to him to warm me up. I was almost in his lap. I smell his cologne again and I put head on his shouder. The smell of Crowley cologne seem to make me relax and I fell sleep. By the way I don't need to sleep but I do fine it help me to distress and cleared my mind. So I do sleep from time to time. Same with eating since I don't need to.

"Come on wake up, or do you want me to wake you with a kiss like in that stupid fairy tale." Crowley whispered in my ear.

" Eww, no thank you." I was grossed out at the thought of Crowley kissing me.

"You two stop that." Aziraphale warned us to behave ourselves.

A nurse came up to us with a wheelchair for me.

"Get in and I will wheel you to an examining room miss." The nurse said.

Crowley pick me up and put me in the wheelchair. The nurse wheel into a examininh room. The doctor came a few minutes later and examine my angle. Told me what all doctor will tell you about a twisted ankle. Stay off of it for a few days and let it rest. Also put some ice on it.

I was wheel back to rest area after I paid the bill.

Crowley and Aziraphale were waitting for me.

"Doctor told me to stay off my ankle for a few days." I told them.

"Tell us were you live and we will take you home." Asked Aziraphale.

I look down sadly. I must have worry Crowley a bit too.

"You don't have a home do you?" Asked Crowley.

"What?!" Aziraphale was shocked.

"I had a flat I share with a flatmate. My flatmate was a guy and he kick me out because I wouldn't go out with him." I told them. "But it ok I can alway stay at a hotel untill I fine another flat no big deal."

I try to get up out the wheelchair but Crowley stop me before Aziraphale could get to me. He pick me up out wheelchair.

"Hey, put down I can walk on my own you know." I told him.

"Stop, bad kitty! Stop acting so proud. You are staying at my place and I'm not take no for answer." Crowley yell at me.

Aziraphale look at me sadly. I couldn't get any words to come out. Why is Crowley been nice to me? I didn't trust anyone. I been alone for so long. Part of me want to trust them. I guess even I in my long immortal life get lonely.

[rndyounghowze]

An Interview With John D. Smitherman (Part 1/2)

By: Ricky Young-Howze

When you first walk up to the Broadway Theatre of Pitman in Pitman, NJ you look like you've gone back in time. Built in 1926 the palatial performance space looks like it should be either the home of flappers and men in suits dancing the Charleston or mothballs and cobwebs. Lovingly looked after by the owner and staff of the BTP (with the addition of all the new technical bells and whistles of a modern theater) this lovely building is the crown jewel of Pitman's downtown. But this wasn't always the case. Just seven years ago the theatre was on a much different path. They were looking for new leadership and they needed someone with a theatre pedigree almost as varied, if not as long as their venue, to take the helm. That just so happens to be the man who came up the stairs into the lobby to meet Dana and me. John D. Smitherman has done a little bit of everything in the theatre almost everywhere. We were graciously given the opportunity to meet with him to talk about his experience as Artistic Director over the past seven years and “My Broadway” his one man show debuting in three weeks.

The one thing I've learned over three years as a reviewer here is that there are two kinds of theatre people in New Jersey: the kind that you can never get to talk to you and the kind that can talk your ear off about anything you would ever want to know about theatre, local gossip, and the last show they saw. John happened to be part of the latter group but very quickly he honed in on one central theme: his tenure as a veteran of the stage and how he brought that experience to bear running a theatre company. The interview that follows took place across from a table in an upstairs rehearsal room down the street from the theater. It has been edited for clarity.

The first thing John talked about was a very personal subject: how his family reacted to him catching the acting bug. We could see him lean into us and this is where the next hour would disappear as he started to tell one story after another.

“I was still living at home during undergrad, my dad other than polite conversation did not talk to me for a solid year after I changed my degree. because you know he was concerned about you know ‘a music degree?!? What the? What are you going to do with that? You know a performance? What are you going to do?’ But then I started working for the local opera company and symphonies and stuff like that. My dad was a purchasing director at Memorial medical center and so I would go by there if I had a rehearsal in town. I would go by and visit him but basically eat free lunch at the hospital because the food was actually good at the cafeteria. And I remember walking in one day and this was after a year of my dad being obviously angry with my decision and a doctor came up to me a [said] ‘Hey aren't you Frank's boy’ I said ‘Yeah’. He goes ‘I hear you're uh doing Pagliacci this weekend.’ And that's how I knew that my dad was talking about it and was happy about it. Because it took me actually doing it. I know that makes sense as a parent…[I mean] I don't know if I want my kids to go into it because it's so much of a difficult and demanding and iffy profession.”

But he never stopped at just acting. Pretty soon he found he liked branching out.

“I always liked doing multiple things. I always liked just singing like in a concert or in a Cabaret type show like this coming up (His upcoming show, My Broadway). But I also liked playing characters. I liked comedy. And I eventually started liking directing and just things like that. A lot of different interests gave me more opportunities because you know the more you do the more you can do.”

This is how he describes an acting career that has taken him from Florida, Philly, the high seas of a cruise ship, and even Manhattan, to a home in Collingswood where he lives with his wife and two boys. Each thing he's done was a new interest that led to a new skill that led him further down the road. Later on he elaborates how he got to Pitman seven years ago. As he was trying to settle down into a nice neighborhood he got a call from a local theater he had never heard of even though it was really close by.

“When I got here it certainly was not like that (the way the theater is run today). When I got here it was basically a community theatre that was just friends family. Like the artistic director’s son was in all of the shows, or the daughter sometimes. And that’s why they brought me in. They wanted to improve the productions and become a professional theatre and so that’s where things went and changed. And the first thing I did was let people in Philadelphia know about the theatre. I didn’t know about it and I lived in Philly for a handful of years. And then we were going to have Asher so we decided to move to Collingswood which is right around the corner so we were there for about a year when they approached me about taking over. Well it started out as performing a show that was very similar to this [My Broadway] and during that it was to take over. And I mean that was the biggest thing. I never heard of it, my wife never heard of this place, and look at this place! Everyone and their brother should know about it.”

Dana chimed in that it seems so crazy that a lot of theater companies in NJ want to isolate themselves from these Metropolises around them. He latched right onto that.

“You draw from them. I remember working an outdoor theater in Beckley, West Virginia (see I told you he's been everywhere! I swore I was the only other person who’d heard of Beckley) , there’s nothing else around it and that was a 1,500 seat outdoor theatre and we were always packed for every show and I was thinking ‘Where are all these people coming from?’ They come in. You can get things from these other cities and Philadelphia is right there. People literally tell me that they prefer coming here because they would rather come here and park for free. They’ll pay that five dollars to come over the bridge but they get to park for free and they have these nice little restaurants and whatever and the shows, well they say they’re the same as at Walnut Street. We’re not. I can say that because our budget is a quarter of what Walnut Street’s budget is, they have a $50,000 dollar budget for the set alone and our entire production will be $50,000 but we try.

After trying as hard as he could to draw from the Philly crowd and let people know about this great area he started to see an effect on the downtown area.

“In the last five or so years I saw this town turn around, nothing against tattoo parlors and thrift stores because I like a good thrift store, but those kinda switched out and became boutiques and restaurants and that’s the sign of a good city that's starting to develop. I saw that happen over these last four or five years.”

But a theater company doesn't live on its audience alone. John had to also get actors into the area.

“I definitely dove right into the Philadelphia Theatre Alliance, which was even bigger than it is now than when I first got into it. They used to do all kinds of things and now they’re just kind of a bulletin board. But I would always put notices about auditions. ‘These are our shows’, ‘The largest professional regional theater in the area’, etc. And the actors slowly and surely started to come to the auditions and they would get cast and those people had the experience of their life and in a production that they were extremely proud of. And so then that person talked to this person and that person came to audition, etc. And after about five or six years, it took a long time, we now have this wonderful reputation and people like to come out here. We don’t pay well in comparison to some of these other theaters but they’re proud to be in the production. It’s something that they know is going to be a fun process. We try to make it as stress free as possible. I’m a fond believer of theater can be stress free as long as your production team is ahead of the game then you don’t have to have these last minute things that happen in tech week.

And the actors he gets can come from all over. But John is quick to emphasize that while they do have a small house that can house actors that come all they way from New York or across the country ninety percent of his casts come from Philadelphia and New Jersey.

That does mean that his most meaningful relationship isn't with the audience One of the biggest responsibilities of the artistic director is to be a mediator between the audience and the production team and even the owner. He’s noticed a key difference between the audiences of today and then dinner theater crowds of yesteryear.

And you'll have to wait until Part 2 to find out what it is. Check in tomorrow. But make sure you get your tickets for his one man show "My Broadway" now!

[setoangel01-fanfiction]

Revival

Set Me Free - Chapter 16 (Previous Chapters)

Rated: T

Fandom: Sing 2016

Pairing: Johnny x Ash (Jash)

Chapter Summary: A sudden change of heart from Buster Moon has incredible ripple effects for all involved.

Fanfiction.net

A03

The name on her phone 'Moon' suddenly popped up on screen and it made Ash physically flinch and almost drop the device out of pure shock. The annoying ringtone blaring and vibrating in her paw didn't have any intention of stopping and it was only succeeding in making this situation harder to deal with for she had such little time to comprehend it all…

…For indeed - Buster Moon was calling her…

Whatever the reason, she wasn't sure.

At first, Ash thought perhaps it was a strange dream. That she'd simply fallen asleep laying on the couch and this was all some twisted nightmare caused by lack of sleep and too much junk food. It would sure as hell make more sense than if this was reality - because none of this made much sense for why the hell would Moon be calling her now of all times?

It was a dream.

It had to be.

Yet the vibration of her phone echoing up through her paw and arm didn't feel dream-like whatsoever. The noisy ringtone Lance had chosen for her so awful she still berated herself for not changing it yet; it even managed to hurt her ears and the pain registering told her indeed…this may just be reality.

Pushing aside any last hesitation and to sate her own curiosity (and against her better judgment), she answered the call with a swipe of her thumb.

"Yeah?" she asked dryly into the receiver; ready for whatever prank or similar awaited her on the other line. Perhaps Moon had to pawn off his phone for money and neither Moon nor the shop bothered to clean the phone out. The animal who eventually bought it was probably just calling everyone in the contacts for shits and giggles…

"...Ash? Ash, is that you? I-I'm pretty sure I got the right number." the voice on the other line rang out and a chill went through her body when indeed - it was the one and only Buster Moon.

"What do you want, Moon?" she muttered out; more so to cover the shock in her voice than anything.

"Oh, Ash! So glad I got a hold of you - I - I-I first just want to apologize for my behavior last time I saw you. I was being completely selfish and not really thinking when I turned you all away last week. I shouldn't have done that…"

"Yeah. No kidding…" Ash didn't even bother hiding the venom in her tone. His blatant disregard for their effort to cheer him up and still believe in him even after he almost got them all killed was really rather, for lack of a better term, fucked up.

Moon went silent for a moment, a soft sigh she easily picked up before he decided to respond, "…I know - I…I'm so sorry; you have to believe me, Ash. I wasn't in my right mind, I was depressed and not thinking clearly to see how I hurt you all and…

I'm sorry. I really am."

"So what? Did you just call to apologize because it's kinda late for that." Ash was physically trembling; the blatant anger in her voice stemming through even in the back of her mind told her to stop, to not speak in such a way but it was all the hurt speaking now…

"I know that. Sorry doesn't really help now, b-but, I wanted to invite you to come perform with the others back at the theater! W-We're going to perform like we were supposed to! Uh, yeah, sure, t-t-there's no money in it, but maybe we'll get some recognition and who knows what'll happen after that?" Buster's stuttering voice was rather strange to listen to; normally one so confident and self-assured and it was weird to hear it squelched.

The more shocking thing though was the content of his words…

…Performing?

NOW?

"What if there was a producer who heard us? Even a local television newscast streaming the whole show throughout the town? It would bring so much more attention to the Moon Theater a-and maybe with their help, we could raise money and do benefit concerts to eventually raise enough and re-build! Anything can happen if we work together!" it appeared his confidence was slowly gaining by her silence.

Ash was frozen on the other line as Buster continued in his ramblings and the excitement leeching out in waves. A persistent bitterness rose in her chest at all of this for she had desperately wanted to put this all behind her - Lance, Moon Theater, all of those associated - Everything. Didn't Moon get that she wanted to move on with her life?!

Now, here was Moon trying to convince her to come back?! And for what!? A maybe? A billion in one possibility that an animal who actually mattered listened to their impromptu concert and just handed them a shitton of money to rebuild an old theater?! Newsflash: They lived in reality, not a freakin' fairytale land! There was no one who would fund their little venture! That dream was dead a long time ago and they all would have to accept it…especially Buster.

Buster's voice that she supposed she'd drowned out was now audible as her thoughts scattered away with a resolute answer she would give him.

"...I know it may not sound like much, but I can hear the passion when you sing. Your new song you wrote!" Ash couldn't help but flinch when he said it; her mind awash with thing she didn't care to think about right now. "Ash, I know you want to sing it and being exposed on the news or something may spark a -"

"What's the fucking point, Moon?" Ash interrupted, the fire in her voice not held back whatsoever. She felt as if she may be the only one out of the whole group who had any grasp of brutal reality.

"...pardon?" he asked, his voice sounding more like his depressed tone back at Eddie's pool house.

"There's no money, no prize, and no theater left. There's nothing, Moon. Unlike you, I need to move on…alright? It's over!"

"...Ash, of course there's still something! W-What about your dreams? Your singing? There's such passion when you're performing onstage! I know there's still a part of you that wants to do this! I believe in you! I -"

Ash hung up the phone with a firm press of her thumb on the red icon.

Heart pounding desperately in her chest at her abrupt decision to do so and all of a sudden, it all overwhelmed her. Eyes flooding with tears and emotions she cared not to deal with right now.

Just what the hell?!

Looking back down at her phone, she saw Moon was trying to call her back but she rejected his call with a swipe of her finger. It drifted back to her contacts - the few she didn't delete from her phone or block the numbers completely. 'Dad' was one that was staring back at her - how easy it would be to call him now and ask for tuition money - to go to college and ditch the dream forever.

Moon's words flitting about in her mind and how insane it all sounded…yet before she could talk herself out of it, she found her finger drifting downward in her contacts and without any hesitation, she called someone else.

"Ash?" the British-accented voice asked on the other line.

"Hey…" Ash muttered. "Uh…what's up?" she still continued to fail miserably at small talk.

"I just got off the phone with Mr. Moon!" Johnny admitted way too happily for her taste and Ash's stomach clenched, "Yeah, I-I tried to call ya but your line was busy."

"...Wait - Moon called you too!?"

"Yeah!"

"...so he's actually serious about this?" she muttered under her breath in complete disbelief. Was she the only sane one left?

"Uh…Yes. I'm pretty sure."

"...Are you shitting me?" Ash grumbled when Johnny basically had to repeat himself for the third time.

"I'm not!" Johnny laughed; his voice was pure unadulterated sunshine and rainbows and as nice as it sounded from the muted chuckle he had last time they spoke, it still kinda irritated her.

"So, wait, did you actually agree to his insane scheme?"

"I don't think it's a scheme, Ash. I think he's serious. He just wants to have a concert and invited us to perform. It sounded genuine to me So I'm gonna go… Didn't you hear him out?"

"Not really - I hung up on him!"

Johnny grew silent on the other end…and wait, was he fucking snickering?!

"...you hung up on him?" he asked in an obviously bemused tone and she could practically see the lopsided smile he wore on the other end as well as the chuckle lacing his voice.

"YES!" Ash replied, not even bothering to hide her slight annoyance. "I didn't believe him - thought he was just rubbing salt in the wound. I mean, like why the hell would he do this now? It doesn't…"

"I believe him."

"Of course you do." she couldn't help but sigh a moment later; Johnny's endless reserves of optimism would never empty, would they?

"Mr. Moon wouldn't lie about this - I could hear it in his voice."

Ash's mouth opened, ready to argue about how strange all of this was but the words wouldn't come. Silence filling the dead air around her and the nonexistent space between her ear and phone where Johnny was strangely quiet. A soft breath left her mouth; head swimming and body felt numb as the words finally came out.

"…But why now? What damn good is this now?! The theater is gone - what are we going to gain by doing any of this?"

"That our dream of singing may come true - even if it's just for a night."

Ash rolled her eyes that time; he sounded so painfully optimistic and cheesy she couldn't help it.

"But where?! There's nothing but a pile of rubble and I doubt Moon acquired another venue this quick considering the sad-sack of a state he was last time we saw him!"

"I-It is at the Moon Theater! We're going to build…or rather re-build a stage of sorts to have a concert! Ya know, just for fun."

"...for fun?" Ash wasn't convinced.

"Mr. Moon says he wants to relive the glory days - make it about the music rather than the venue and -"

"By putting on a show in a bunch of rubble?!" Ash interrupted.

Johnny grew silent for a moment. "…uh, yeah?"

"Please tell me you told him how ridiculous he sounds?!"

"Ash…c'mon, what have we gotta lose?"

"The rest of our sanity, our dignity - our lives! The Moon Theater is just a pile of unsteady rubble! How the hell is that safe to perform on by any stretch of the imagination?!"

"I'm sure we'll make it work out. Now what do you say?" Johnny said and Ash could practically see the shrug of his shoulders from his voice alone.

Ash grew silent on the other line.

This didn't sound right whatsoever and it felt like she would be taking a giant step backwards if she agreed to this absurd lunacy. The more logical side telling her to finish the call, hang up and dial her father like she should. Attend college, graduate, than finally pursue a real career going rather than chasing fruitless dreams and hoping for it not to completely blow up in her face.

Life didn't work out perfect for her - it never did - so why the hell would it go right for her now of all times?

"...Ash?" Johnny's voice filled her ears again and she audibly sighed.

"I'm sorry," the words felt positively foreign on her tongue, "I can't keep living in the past, Johnny. It's time to move forward and this isn't the way for me to do it."

"...not even for a night?"

Ash's mouth froze, wanting so badly to say 'no' and to even hang up on him like she did to Moon but she found she couldn't even muster up the courage for that.

Using her silence as leeway to try and convince her, Johnny continued.

"Ash, you love to play and sing - I saw the passion in your audition even if that no-good ex-boyfriend of yours tried to steal the spotlight," he chuckled and she hated how her heart prickled in her chest, "It was as if you were the only one on stage. I know you want to do this - you don't have to but…I'd sure like it if ya were there..."

Another sigh escaped her parted lips; heart beating uncomfortable in her chest as she stared over at her new guitar - or rather, refurbished, guitar. The strings and promise of a stage beckoning her to say 'yes', but she couldn't do that either.

"I…I need to move on."

It was now Johnny's turn to be silent. It remained that way for a few tense moments before his voice hit her ears again.

"I understand…b-but, if you change your mind, he wants us to meet there tomorrow morning, bright and early. If I don't see ya - good luck in whatever you decide to pursue." it hurt how genuine he sounded while speaking those words.

"Mm-hmm. Yeah. Alright." was all she replied.

"Well, um…I, I hope you 'ave a good day. Bye, Ash."

"Bye." she muttered before his line went dead; the finality of it all hitting her square in the gut.

Ash started at the screen of her phone for what felt like an eternity. Mind awash with too much to fathom that these last…what, seven minutes at most provided?

It was all just too much.

Moon's and even Johnny's words were torturing her; flitting frantically, more than her scattered mind cared to comprehend now or frankly, ever.

They were really going to do a show?

A failure or flop no one would want to see? A random bunch of animals performing in the remains and rubble of a long-failing theater - not exactly high-class entertainment that would draw any positive attention. Hell, the more she thought about it, it was very likely the rest of the rubble would collapse and crush the rest of them in the process. She supposed it would serve them right for not obeying the brutal weight of reality she grunted internally. The thought was not one she entertained long but a side of her that kept pestering her had far greater implications…

…What if?

That two word question that held more weight than she cared to admit bothered her to no end.

The risk-taker, the rebellious porcupine that pushed against all odds part kept putting these doubts in her mind. What if someone who mattered heard? What if the stage didn't collapse and…the show was good?

"No Ash. Stop! No way! I am not thinking of doing this…" she was suddenly talking to herself; feeling like a mental patient who escaped from the psych ward. Wondering if she should sign herself into a loony bin before she REALLY did something stupid - like actually take him up on his offer? Oh, hell no.

"NO!" she spoke again to herself because yes indeed, she was well aware she was fully out of her mind. Eyes flitting to her phone and seeing her dad's number, hand frozen as she pushed herself to call him but her body wouldn't obey.

"Ugh!" she grunted whilst standing to her feet to pace around, again proclaiming to the empty apartment, "I am NOT going to do this…"

"...I can't believe I'm doing this…" Ash muttered the second she stepped off the bus the next morning; approaching the remains of what used to be the majestic Moon Theater…

[scummy-writes]

Hi, can you do a hc about the rfa (and v and saeran, if you write about them) on a mc that they have met before when she was drunk and was flirting with them really smoothly? And then the storylines happens and she doesn't remember them but they do?

(*´ω｀*) np! I wonder if I’d flirt when drunk….So far when I’m tipsy I just get really stubborn. I think the RFA would have a handful dealin with me, haha!

Zen

-When he finally met you in person, he suddenly realized why your voice seemed so familiar.

-You were that chick from about a month back!

-But…You didn���t seem embarrassed? You just smiled and joked just like you did on the chat (albeit with a bit more blushing). Did you even remember?

-He sure did. He remembered just hanging out with his fellow co-actors, just relaxing at a local bar he enjoyed and having a few beers. He was used to women coming up to him and trying to flirt, but uh…Not drunk women who didn’t realize who he was.

-”You- You know? You look a LOT, like a LOT, like this actor guy dude from the local theater. God, you should just see that dude. His name is? Is uh. Zenny? Something I can’t fucking, remember…But god I’d lick his abs, he’s so handsome. You look like that guy man! That cool guy. That beautiful dude.”

-Oh my god. He felt so fucking embarrassed for you. You just kept going and going, not realizing the whole time, until your friends finally dragged you back home.

-He thought of that scene a few times, but oh my god, your friends never told you? (GOOD FRIENDS GOOD FRIENDS)

-He decided NOT to bring it up then, not when the two of you were finally meeting in person for the second first time. 

-(A few weeks later, he finally brought it up. Your face was so red as you called your friends for confirmation. When they finally admitted what had happened, you just stood in embarrassed Shock. Until Zen finally admitted you were the one girl who managed to flirt with him at a bar and he actually got interested in you.)

Jaehee

-Jumin had given her so ‘free’ time. Which was, of course, allowing her to go on a wine tasting event with him. It was a bit better than working (and he’d probably have her set up a few meetings anyway), so she agreed.

-She didn’t drink often, but she could see how some lightweights could become overwhelmed with the all the samples.

-At least, that’s the excuse she came up for you. God, as soon as she heard your voice on the phone, she instantly remembered how drunk you had gotten at that simple wine tasting event. But you didn’t remember her? It stung a little, but you were…Very. Very drunk.

-She remembered you trying to casually walk towards her. She thought you were wanting to talk to her about Jumin, praying that it wasn’t about how you could get a date with him. But when you slid your arm around hers and slurred, she nearly had her heart stop.

-”You-You are literally the only pretty person here. These dudes are so uuugly. Oh my god, how come rich guys can’t even look decent half the time. Do you like girls? I like girls. I’m a girl. You’re a girl. Lets. Lets hang out. Blow this popsicle stands. We’ll have fun.”

-When security dragged you away (Jumin’s doing, with light murmurs of complaints from him), Jaehee had to try her best not to blush and laugh.

-You were cute, but oh my god she had never been flirted with like that.

-As the two of you started dating, she never, ever mentioned it. Not until about a year later after a night you had gotten tipsy again, and thankfully you two just laughed together about it.

Jumin

-As soon as he heard you voice, he knew it was familiar. A nice one, something that didn’t urk him that much.

-Seeing you in person made him immediately want to ban all wine from the RFA party. How you were so shameless he never understood.

-A few months back, he had attended an event that allowed for extra guests to be brought. He didn’t really remember which one. He had went to so many they just blurred together at times.

-He did, however, remember clearly of a drunken woman suddenly grasping his arm. He immediately was annoyed, thinking it was some other woman who had tried flirting with him earlier, but when it was someone new, he gave you a moment to talk.

- “These rich dudes are so. Boring. Are you boring too? You look cool. You look…Cool. Not borin’. Not borin’ at alllllll. Do you wanna be not boring together? Like. The dude who brought me doesn’t even know where I am. Fuck em. Fuck em all. I’d even fuck you if you’d lemme.”

-Oh my god.

-Security had came and gotten you later, and he just sighed and fixed his sleeve. He thought you were ridiculous. 

-So at the RFA party, when you said you were introducing yourself the first time, he called you out on it. It wasn’t the first time you two had met.

-He ended up going in full detail, exactly what you said, how your hair was messed up, how everything about you was just. Embarrassing.

-Your first RFA party was filled with many embarrassing moments after that, especially from a teasing Seven.

Seven

-He was just hanging out with Zen when the drunk you came sauntering up, looking strangely confident and slightly confused.

-He almost pulled his phone out, getting ready to film what was possibly Zen’s most embarrassing moment.

-Instead, his hands froze when you passed by Zen and went directly to him.

-“You’re. You’re weird lookin. Not in a bad way though. Like. You look weird but cool. Cute. Yeaaah. I like redheads. Are you into girls? Or guys? Because i wanna. I wanna take ya out.”

-Omg. He was dying. He never really had this happen before, and Zen’s shocked expression was totally worth it.

-Before he could give you a reply, your friends finally found you and pulled you away while spouting apologies.

-So when he found out exactly who you were when he did his background check, he laughed so hard

-He wouldn’t bring it up with the others around (Maybe Zen), but he’d tease the FUCK outta you about it.

-“I guess you got what you wanted, huh?”

Yoosung

-Poor baby. He’d NEVER bring it up to you, except on his deathbed.

-He had finally agreed to go to the bar Zen wanted to take him to. He was a bit nervous because of how often he was being carded. His hands wouldn’t stop shaking!!

-Of course, to make matters worse, there were girls flirting with Zen constantly. He was just here as a third wheel!

-He watched as another girl kinda. Stumbled over to Zen. Great. He couldn’t even have drunk girls- Oh god she was going to him, not Zen!

-“Heyaaa, cutie? You’re preeeetty young, huh? Barely able to get in here huh? Hahaha.. but you’re so so cute. Hey, cutie, gimme your phone number! I’ll be your girlfriend!”

-Oh my god. Oh. My god. He was mortified. Even Zen was watching! Oh my god.

-Before he could gather the courage to respond, he saw a few girls come and drag you away, full of scolding and giggles.

-That night, Zen just laughed and patted your back.

-Of course Zen wasn’t laughing now as Yoosung kissed you, vowing to keep that memory to himself.

-(Until Zen told you literally a day later)

V

-V didn’t really go to bars or anything of the sort. But when he visited exhibitions, especially ones he was also featured in, they tended to offer wine to drink.

-Unfortunately, not everyone could hold their alcohol.

-He watched a woman stumble a bit, quietly murmuring to several different pictures.

-Eventually she made over to where he was standing.

- “God. I love this one. This. This is a good one. Better than the others. Wait. No, that’s mean. Those are good too. But this one, this one is like. Good good.”

-Oh god. He was trying his best not to laugh. He decided to stand beside his own just in case he could answer questions, or interest people in more of his works. He was not expecting this.

- “But man. This guy has to be sooo fun to be with. I’d love to date this guy! Have coffee! Talk about. Flowers and shit. God, I’d probably sleep with him too.”

- Wow?? He didn’t even know how to respond. So… He didn’t. He watched you sleepily study his picture and… Walk away.

-Flash to him finally meeting you after the RFA party, and you didn’t seem to remember him OR his pictures at all.

-He worried a bit if his pictures just didn’t last well in people, but when you looked as if you never saw them, he concluded maybe you just didn’t remember that day whatsoever.

-Later on, when you two had been together, he always kept you away from the wine at his exhibits. When you questioned him about this, he finally told you about the first time he met you.

-Needless to say, you never drank at exhibitions ever again

Saeran

-The first time he met you, before the whole RFA mess, was at a bar.

-Needless to say, he pegged you as a target before you really said anything.

-He had watched you from a corner, just basically watching everyone. He was just trying to see what the fuss was about with bars.

-The drunks were annoying. And stupid. Annoyingly stupid.

-But… He wasn’t expecting a decent looking one come to him and try hitting on him.

-He watched, slightly amused, as you stumbled over your words.

-“You’re a little black parade looking punk, aren’t you? Lookin. All tough. And like a punk. Very punky. Can I sit with you, punk? You’re. Cute punk. Yeah! I like punk stuff too, imma even gonna get this badass tattoo one day, man! Whoop!”

-He didn’t even manage to give a response before you sat down and promptly conked the fuck out.

-He didn’t really know what to do, and since he didn’t feel like getting mixed up in anything, he left the bar before any of your friends could question him.

-So when the two of you finally met in person, and you introduced himself, he just laughed for a while.

-“Do you not remember me?”

-After a brief explanation, he ended up laughing for a looong time with how red you had gotten. He actually joined Seven in teasing you.