#and even though it hurts like hell i hope you know this isn't forever. you are so so so loved ❤️

[strawhatboy]

hi happy new year ❤️

[kevindavidday]

i love that neil considers jean as part of the family he wants to protect. i will elaborate this time because

if you think about it, neil spent book 1 trying his best not to build a connection, book 2 trying to break down the walls ending with confirming from nicky if they were friends, and every second after that deliberately doing whatever was in his goddamn power to keep these people safe and happy. going to edens for andrew, keeping the truth from them, getting the letter back for kevin, reminding kevin that he owes jean a conversation after all that's happened, fixing the twins' relationship, spending time with them even though he knew he would leave. in his mind, what he was doing was selfish because he was going to die soon and they didn't even know it.

he doesn't die, though and he comes back with even MORE fight in him than before. he meets his uncle once and although his mother hadn't wanted him to be involved in one gang after another, he doesn't give a single flying fuck. the hatford's existence is just another resource for him, a way to hurt those who have hurt his family. stuart already killed his father, so what's it matter if there's a few more - protecting him means protecting his family. if the fbi had any clue about the power neil actually holds over the hatford's they would all willingly eat their hats tbh.

so the first thing he does when he sees his uncle again? despite knowing that ichirou is close-by? he tells him to kill proust.

hell, even the moriyama's are nothing to this man if i'm being honest. he isn't afraid of them, he knew the rarity of ichirou's visits which made him wary when he got into the car to talk about bargaining their lives and i truly do believe ichirou moriyama was fucking relieved neil didn't ask for more than that. there is that strange, dead look in his eyes that he's inherited from his father which unnerves the fuck out of everyone who doesn't know him. and when he bargained for his life and kevin's, he remembered jean too.

which is fucking insane. he spent only winter break with jean moreau, ONLY. i know there's extra days at the nest, but i'd kill to know what happened between jean and neil during that time for neil to have such unflinching loyalty towards his 'forever partner'. i want to know their conversations, i want to know what they suffered through together.

and the casual way in which jean dropped the news about grayson to neil, after hiding it away from everyone for so long. he admitted the truth to neil straight up, like of course neil should know, it's neil. jean's mind is still haywired to remember him too even though they were only together for a few weeks!!!

what is it about them?

and then the entire time otw to the diner, neil's plotting again. he's scheming. he's thinking. and he knows what to do. and its asking for local work because fuck anyone who has ever hurt his family. he literally only ever needs a fucking name, bro. 'my first memories are of people dying.' i think we can tell...

wymack saw that leadership potential and made him vice captain. god bless neil only cares about playing exy because if he had even a second more interest in crime he would've floored everyone. i can see it so clearly.

anyway, hope he takes a hit out on tetsuji moriyama next 🙏

[intimacyequalsdeath]

Bubz's Slasher Fictober Apple Crumble NSFW Alphabets Day 18: Harry Warden

Day 18 coming right up! As always I hope you all enjoy <3, I will be honest though and say it has been forever since I've actually watched my bloody valentine so I'll try my best to do harry justice here.

Notes: Minors DNI, Smut, NSFW.

A is for Aftercare (What they're like after sex):

Soft baby boy. Checks on you multiple times and makes sure you have anything and everything you need. A bath? done, A drink ? done, A snack ? done. Literally ask for anything and this man will run to the store if you don't have it at the house.

B is for Body Part (Favorite on them and their partner):

After years of working in the mines, Harry is pretty fit. I could see his favorite part of himself being a tie between his chest and his arms as both show all his years of hard work to put food on the table.

On you it's your smile, Harry's been through a lot, but with you he feels like he's at home. Your smile brings a comfort to him he hasn't experienced in forever.

C is for Cum (Anything to do with cum):

Harry wants babies (If you have the equipment to make them) so always inside you. If you can't get pregnant he'll probably still cum inside just to avoid a big mess to clean but if he does make a mess it'll be a cold day in hell before he lets you clean it.

D is for Dirty Secret:

If he could get away with it, He'd lock you up in the house and never let you leave. The people outside, the ones who let him sit in that mine and almost die, don't deserve to see you or have you in their presence. Your his baby and he wants you all to himself.

E is for Experience (How experienced are they?):

Harry... isn't the most experienced person. You might have to help him along the first few times. He knows what goes where, and how to make you feel good, But in the actual sex department he's a bit lacking.

F is for Favorite Position:

Even though he hasn't had the most experience Harry fucks like a dog. Doggy style is his favorite by far. He likes bringing you to your hands and knees for him. Knowing he can do that to you and no one else can thrills him.

G is for Goofy (How serious are they?):

He isn't the most serious but he's not really goofy either? He's more so just really soft and fluffy during sex.

H is for Hair (How well groomed are they?):

It's a bit unruly since during his time in the minds he kinda lost the will to care for himself, so you might have to remind him to continue with the upkeep of it. If it gets too bad he takes care of it without reminder but don't be surprised if it slips his mind.

I is for Intimacy (How are they during the act, romantic etc):

Very romantic, He's all about wining and dining you. He's really into foreplay just to get the two of you in the mood but its the most tooth rotting foreplay you'll ever experience.

J is for Jackoff (Do they masturbate and how often?):

He does it every so often. If you were with him when the mine accident happen then he definitely jacked off to the thought of you in the mines to keep himself somewhat sane.

K is for Kink (Their kinks):

Praise kink: Tell this boy he's doing a good job and he'll cum on the spot whether he's inside you or not. You've made him cum in his pants more then once with this.

L is for Location (Favorite places to have sex):

At home in the bedroom. Like I said your his, he doesn't want anyone that isn't him looking at you in any type of way. He would have to end them if they did and he doesn't wanna have to be killing people 24/7.

M is for Motivation (What turns them on?):

The thought of wanting nothing more then to please you is what gets him going the most. He aims to please and wants you to be as satisfied as possible.

N is for No (Something they won't do):

No degrading you, No hitting you or even being mean. He's just not into it and would never even think about hurting you even if it was for fun during sex.

O is for Oral (Oral Preferences):

Major giver. He'll let you give him a blow job here and there but he loves giving you oral. If you ask him what he wants to eat nine times out of ten the answer will be you.

P is for Pace (How fast or slow? Are they rough?):

Slow and sensual all the way. He'll get a bit rough when he gets desperate but he wants to make love and make the most of it.

Q is for Quickie ( Do they like quickies?):

He hates quickies. Why would he go for a quickie when he can give you the actual real full fledged thing. If you like them that's fine but don't expect him to like them.

R is for Risk (Are they down to experiment?):

He'll experiment within reason, Like if it's something that may hurt you or anything, it's a hard no. However if you bring something up he finds interesting then he'll be down to try it out with you.

S if for Stamina (How long can they go for?):

This man used to be a miner, he has all the stamina in the world from doing that for years. He will give you breaks and stop after awhile but he could literally go for hours on end.

T is for Toys (Do they use toys and do they like them?):

He doesn't have much experience when it comes to toys so if you bring up one night you'd like to try them he's all for it. He might not like every single toy but there are a few he does really like and a lot that he loves to use on you.

U if for Unfair (Do they like to tease?):

He thinks teasing is mean, and he's not about to be mean to his baby. If you wanna tease him just a bit to get him worked up then go for it he doesn't mind but don't be too terribly mean to him just some playful teasing.

V is for Volume (How loud can they get?):

He grunts but that's about it, Harry isn't a big noise maker in general and he doesn't talk much either so don't expect sex to be any different.

W is for Wild Card (Random things):

Soft Harry is soft, he loves cuddles and really anything where he can just hang out with you. So after he runs your aftercare bath expect him to sit on the toilet and have him just hang out with you, no talking, just you and him being together.

X is for X-Ray (What are they packing):

Harry's got a big thick dick, About 8 inches and a good amount of girth to it.

Y is for Yearning (How high is their sex drive?):

High as fuck but only for you. He's never felt this way about anyone before and as far as he's concerned the sun rises and sets with you and so does his sex drive.

Z is for ZZZ (How fast do they fall asleep?):

He waits awhile. He likes to make sure your entirely ok before even thinking about sleeping. He also likes to cuddle and just hold you for awhile too. If you had any doubts of his feelings for you, you won't after this.

[hastyprovocateur]

An analysis of Mizu×Akemi

Mizu gave up Akemi to Lord Daichi's men saying her path of revenge has no room for "love, friendship or weakness." She looked Ringo up and down at "weakness" after which he got offended and ended his apprenticeship for not helping Akemi. Mizu's eyes held guilt as Akemi cried out for her, hoping to be by Mizu's side and not go through with her marriage to the Shogun's son. Mizu was aware that if she fought Daichi's men, it meant more would be coming, which inadvertently meant more time having Akemi around, growing close to her... peering into her soul, breaking some walls... like she did at Madam Kaji's when she lay bare the fact that she's not the killer she pretends to be. Which was hammer meets nail as far as Mizu's singular purpose is concerned. It also means a lot that Mizu's appearance in itself wasn't scary to Akemi, or worthy of contempt despite being an aristocrat in an extremely xenophobic time. Racism should've been her second language but she doesn't exercise it. She only noted the distress evident in Mizu's behavior. Her rage- "Your face isn't even so scary... you're just... angry."

The thing about noticing is... you keep noticing more. Especially someone as observant and calculated as Akemi. Mizu was aware of this, hence why she tested Akemi's mettle in the brothel knowing she was the princess all along, trying to get under her skin instead of the other way around- "You thought I wouldn't recognize you?" casting back to the very intense first sight exchanged between the two on the bridge in ep 1. Mizu looked up with little interest, yet the stoic samurai's jaw dropped upon their prolonged eye contact and she tracked the palanquin long after Akemi had left her line of sight. It's implicit that love, friendship, and weakness represent Akemi, Taigen, and Ringo respectively. When Ringo questioned why Mizu let the princess go, she stated that Akemi's "better off" almost following up with "without me." She didn't deem her marriage to the Shogun as favourable, hell, she was unimpressed by the fact that Akemi was trying to save her doomed engagement with Taigen, telling her she's "begging to eat trash" despite being a "magical forest creature," who could have anything she wants. Mizu still considered it the lesser evil as opposed to spending time alone with her.

This isn't the case with Taigen, whom she is decidedly more comfortable with even though he threatens her, and calls her slurs. In part, Mizu believes that she deserves the hatred. She's more familiar with it. With her past where she was the demon as opposed to the future where she could be loved. Imagining true love is cruel for Mizu so she rejects it and embraces her darkness. It protects her from people actually seeing her as a person. As a whole. She can loathe herself in peace. She can be a vessel of revenge. She even promised Taigen the duel he wanted to up and kill her in exchange for his honour. Believing she won't have much to live for after concluding her revenge. Akemi is not the same. She never wished to hurt Mizu, going only so far as to try and drug her, until Mizu made her believe she killed her fiancé. Akemi was soon able to see Mizu's honour when she fought alone against the Thousand Clawed to protect Kaji's girls. Akemi was bent on helping, braving the trained men to protect Ringo and then to save Mizu's life from the man who almost choked her to death.

I will forever love the detail of her vulnerability in the face of death being mirrored by Mizu's own intimacy with Mikio in the flashback, letting her body serve love over rage for once. Engaging in sex was a huge step towards transparency on Mizu's part. Also, the fact that Akemi, in her little capacity, wielded her knife and pulled the clawed men away from unconscious Mizu, trying to keep their focus on her. Knowing she could very well die. She tells Ringo "I have been a captive my whole life. If I die, I'll die free." And then she goes upstairs saying "Mizu can't hold them off alone." Acting, most likely, out of a place of love. I was also warmed at the instances of Akemi trying to "drug" Mizu before she took on the bitter task of killing Kinuyo and then a few scenes later "slapping her awake" from a burning memory of betrayal. When her father's men came to fetch her, Akemi did not doubt that Mizu would fight for her after she did the same for her, hence her asking for her validation "I'm not going anywhere... right, Mizu?". And Mizu would've fought them for her, what's 3 more men after a whole army? But something prevented her.

To ruin Akemi's strong faith in her then... as opposed to later? When more of her ugliness had spilled before the princess? When both their hearts were more open to be scrutinized by the other? Madam Kaji and Swordfather Eiji are both the motherly and fatherly advice Mizu sorely needs. That fighting is an art, not independent of loving. Mizu cannot evade love if she is to take on a bigger war. She cannot do it alone and the story's purpose keeps circling back to the same lesson. Fighting from a place of hatred can never be stronger than fighting from a place of love. Akemi, evidently, was hoping to seek refuge under Mizu's protection. She is loyal, as she was to Taigen even though he abandoned her in pursuit of his lost honor. But Mizu's betrayal broke her heart. At the end of the Bunraku play in ep 5, Akemi confessed that she met the Onryo but that it was "incapable of love." That she searched his eyes for "love or mercy or good," only finding darkness. Both Mizu and Akemi weighed the merit of love in each other, Mizu pushed Akemi away because she felt love and Akemi avoided Mizu because she felt her lack of love.

Taigen, Mizu's former bully, did learn to respect her as a fighter and comrade. Representing their growing camaraderie, how they fight alongside. Mizu told him about Akemi getting married off to the Shogun's son in her duty to him as a friend. Upon learning that she abandoned Akemi, Taigen is also reasonably pissed. Mizu is on the precipice of the rebirth of her katana. Swordfather is justified in being wary of her guilt and darkness, refusing to aid in her pursuit but only guiding her by way of asking her to seek peace, to unify herself. Which she does by adding Chiaki's broken blade (which Taigen took), Akemi's knife, Eiji's tongs and Ringo's bell into the forge. She is ready to make amends by going to save Akemi, to encourage her to leave with Taigen, to be honorable as Ringo wants, and to find peace as Eiji wishes. And ofc to fuck the shit out of Fowler.

Akemi's repeated assertion of "we are not friends" (accompanied by the angy eyes) when Mizu comes back to save her is reflective of that heartbreak Akemi felt after relying on Mizu for her freedom before. Mizu tries to fix this by showing her a way to Taigen, trying to do right by her, asking "Do you still want your freedom or not." To give her what she wants even if she disapproves of Akemi's choice when she states "He's not a good guy, but he could be a great one." Seki too, gives Akemi a share of her dowry he saved to build a free life "With Taigen, or without." Akemi did end up rejecting the idyllic runaway Taigen was willing to embark on, it is hard to say Mizu would take it as an opportunity to make a move on Taigen after deeming him unsuitable for a partner. It would be against her nature to try to jump in as a lover just because Akemi's out of the picture. Not when she's so hot on the track of striking down Skeffington and Routley. It's pretty straightforward if you ask me.

Mizu is focused on going up for a bigger war. To seek the truth. To turn London upside down to kill all the four white demons that sabotaged her life since conception. This is parallel to Akemi deciding to stay and take control of the Shogunate through her powers over her decidedly meek husband. To take control of her life against all the odds that seek to box her up. I do not doubt that she will move to include Kaji and her girls in her retinue, subdue her father's machinations and rebuild Edo, and wrest power from whoever threatens her. Love doesn't seem to be on her cards. Kaji told her to choose a path of freedom through a man, not to choose a man to love like she'd been doing all along- "Stop running to and from men and decide what you want for your fucking self." Could this mean that Akemi is to never chase men romantically? Either way, Akemi follows through pretty quickly. Takoyoshi is a means to an end. Her sexual prowess was her first tool to entry into the Shogunate. Nothing more than an instrument of control as opposed to her initiating any sort of genuine romantic bond.

I fail to see as of now where Mizu and Taigen's paths collide romantically further since the latter clearly showed his intention to abandon all pursuits of greatness and to settle down. Which is vastly opposed to what Mizu and Akemi are bent on doing. I see a lot of potential there. If anything, Mizu would quite possibly need Akemi's refuge if she were to return to Japan in the wake of the London chaos. They are foils of each other. On the opposite ends of the spectrum with the same stories. Poor-rich, blue-red, water-vermillion, darkened-fair, streetsmart-booksmart, warrior-prostitute, bastard-pureblood, masculine-feminine, caged internally- caged externally, widow-new bride. Both deal with same vindictive self-serving parents. Mizu lost her stand-in mother in ep 5, and Akemi lost Seki at the end of ep 9. Mizu the crashing waves and Akemi the rising flames. Both women. Both so alike yet so different. Mizu's name is pretty straightforward, meaning "water." However Akemi's can be written as "bright sea" or "vermillion beauty" While vermillion is Akemi's colour scheme, "sea" is likely her connection to Mizu.

I find the sex in the show to be representative at best. Borne out of duty or manipulation rather than true love. Just because Akemi and Taigen had sex was no testament to the endurance of the depth of their relationship, same as Mizu and Mikio's wasn't. Akemi's alliances with men have always been influenced by the need to go with or against her father and never her independent choice. Same as Mizu merely agreeing to her mother's insistence on marrying and settling down. I liked the juxtaposition of Mizu being submissive during sex and Akemi being dominant, both with Taigen and Takoyoshi as well as in the brothel. Here, I would extend that this isn't their true nature. Both in marriage or the brothel, sex is labour meant to cater to men. As Seki said a woman can only have fixed paths- "Proper wife or improper whore." I can't imagine Mizu or Akemi being happy as either.

Akemi for the most of S1 only wanted to be loved but was being forced to use her lovemaking skills to steer men into agreeing with her. Playing the improper whore. I imagine that in a safer intimate relationship, she would enjoy being on the bottom, to be protected and pleasured instead of always being the pleasurer. Mizu on the other hand, was shown to deliberately downplay her physical agencies during her marriage, to pretend to not know knife throwing or what she wants during sex, thus settling for whatever her husband had to give lest he feel inferior. I would imagine she'd prefer to be loved in all her proactive masculinity, to not be forced to submit. To not be forced to be the proper wife.

Mizu has repeatedly been shown to dominate people unthinkingly, her safety lies in her being on top and knowing what she's getting into. We saw a glimpse of that in the brothel with Akemi under Mizu where she ordered the princess to "get down." The colours from their respective sex scenes blended into one, inky blue on Mizu's end, warm golden on Akemi's. Mizu immediately doses the princess on pursuing worthless men and then Akemi soon willingly submitting to Mizu's protection while thinking of her to be a man. They both tried doing the rightful wife thing, both tried to save their marriages with their husbands as best they could, to be the ideal women even after both men bailed on them. But now they are liberated. Akemi is free from her father and on the path to rule Edo, Mizu is on her own with Fowler, to pursue her revenge in London. Both are relentless in their pursuits. Akemi's "No one refuses me" and Mizu's "We're going to the 9th level" is one and the same. Unstoppable force meets immovable object. Only time will tell. I rest my case.

[mikaela-the-slut-expert]

What do you think about mu qing & his crush stuck in an elevator/room?

Stuck

Mu Qing x gn!reader

He's "annoyed" but more so embarrassed

The two of you were supposed to do an easy mission and it was supposed to be over with quickly.

Apparently not

You two had been exploring a temple who ironically had been the temple of the goddess of love.

Mu Qing hates her now.

Because when going in one of the rooms, after both of you had walks inside you both heard a loud slam and the door had slid shut.

So today has been just wonderful for Mu Qing

It's been a few hours. You spent time trying to find mechanisms or some type of enchantment that may have caused the issue.

Mu Qing spent his time trying to beat the door and walls down. He even tried putting a hole in the ceiling or, hell, even the floor

The room cut off all array contact too so you guys couldn't call anyone.

Now he's exhausted, annoyed and leaning against the wall.

The worst part about it? It isn't even a big room! It is the size of maybe a regular closet.

Even worse? It's dark

So all the beating he was doing couldn't be done at full power without hurting you

All the searching you did couldn't be done well without the two of you bumping up against each other.

You hadn't minded the bumping against each other but the more you had tried to search Mu Qing told you to stop and even diminished the light he had summoned in his hand.

Just for reasons you know, not because he's blushing. He sounds like he's annoyed but what he looks like is completely different.

You're searching is successful though. So you tell Mu Qing to bring the light back.

You've found a sign! That's great. You mumble out what it says, "Shared souls must share secrets"

So after thinking for a while you come up with nothing. You have no secrets.

Mu Qing definitely has secrets. You urge him to tell just one so you guys could leave. You even promised to forget about it.

Mu Qing rolls his eyes and tells something small, something stupid. The doors still don't open.

You add that maybe it has to be a secret regarding you since the both of you are in the room together.

Well aren't you so clever today? Mu Qing grumbles about it. He doesn't want to tell you anything, but he doesn't want to be stuck in this room forever either.

He diminishes his light once again and gives in.

Mu Qing can feel heat rise to his face, especially since you're so close and then he mumbles out his confession to you.

He's always arrogant and sneering but right now he's embarrassed, vulnerable.

There's silence and at first he's cursing himself because why aren't the door fucking opening.

Then he feels soft lips on his and a light in the room comes on.

You lean back and you're grinning from ear to ear.

The door still hasn't opened but you have your fingers pressed to your temple and he can only sputter.

You've been able to contact someone the whole time! He couldn't open the door but you could've!

You're only laughing softly once he finally realizes what you've done and then you open the door for him.

Then you're holding his hand while the two of you walk out of the temple.

You try to bring up his blushing face to tease him but he tells you to shut up. He's still holding your hand though.

Mu Qing realizes now that you're a sly, cunning fix but he still loves you so it's okay

____________________________________

Ignore my grammar mistakes guys and I hope you liked it😭🙏

[popcat69]

Maybe In Another World

"If you gave someone your heart and they died, did they take it with them? Did you spend the rest of forever with a hole inside you that couldn't be filled?"

warning: death, blood, angst

Apocalyptic future donnie x reader (can be read as platonic or however you want)

Bits and pieces of once beautiful, proud standing buildings now decaying on the ground, pink gum wrapped around them marking its presence, large rocks the shape of spears emerging from the deepest parts of hell into the once green, enchanted globe. Dust dancing around slowly filling my lungs with a slow death, hopefully a peaceful one. Unlikely, however, I'm told it's a good quality to be optimistic. Mikey would be proud.. Right? Then again i'm mostly far beyond from recovering,

Calloused hands stiff and a victim of repeated harsh tasks that i said were easy, not making me break even a single sweat, you not allowed to be weak in an apocalyptic world, its survival of the fittest out here, i learnt the hard way, even if you try and try it's impossible to save everyone and useless, we don't have the support to help everyone. It's hard to move my eyes around, it's as if I'm crawling through a desert, everything feels so dry but it feels like I'm sweating a lake. I feel so empty, everythings kind of peaceful right now, I never thought I would experience a quiet moment since the start of this recheted downfall on my and many other lives. Mothers, fathers, sisters, brothers, children…..

HGK!

Why is everything starting to burn? It's slow but it hurts, my skin itches but i can't move , i can't move? Why can't I move? My matted tangles locs becoming more reteched smelling and dirtier by the second. Salty drops start to run down my face, my eyes becoming less dry, its getting easier to see. There's a small blur of purple coming my way, its too far to make out what it could be but as it comes closer I can understand who it is. I want to say ‘hello Donnie’  but only my lips move and not a sound comes through them, it's weird though i don't feel motivated to say hi. I’ve always loved greeting people, maybe thinking that it would  give everyone a little bit of hope that we will get out of this piece of shit world alive. He's kneeling down beside me, his eyes are shaking… he looks scared? Not like him, he's quite ‘idgaf’ about everything. He's saying something, i can't make out what the ringing in my earring is becoming louder, more uncomfortable. I’m pulled up and placed with my back leaning onto a small mountain of bricks. Dark green hands swiftly moving its way to wrap around my bloody waist.

Bloody?

Blood?

Why am I bleeding? I thought I was careful, apparently not. He looks at me as if saying sorry, i look back not really connecting the dots before he puts pressure on a wound i didn't know i had, and its if in that moment i woke up. I can hear the screaming of children, the bones that the resistance is stepping on trying to flee to safety. A hole in my lower torso spilling red profusely, how am I alive? I should be long gone. The intense taste of blood fills my mouth, spilling out uncontrollably. He just stares, i never seen anyone who looks so helpless, i don't like it, i want to hug him and tell him everything is going to be ok, it's not though. We both know it. Everything hurts, I feel like I'm on fire, I need to move, do something to try to get rid of this pain but I physically can not, my body has given up. I don't want to give up yet. There's so much still to do. I'm not ready. But I have to be, there isn't much of a choice. With the very last strength I had I was able to lift my hand, my bruised, abused hand and it rest on the side of his face. I try to voice my last words.  

“I’m so proud”

Tears flowing down mixing with the blood splattered around my face. I try to get one last look but my body doesn't allow me to, it is trying to get me to rest and give up. I'm not ready but I wasn't ready for my world to become…this. I'm never gonna be ready, I think I'm starting to accept that. Maybe in another world we all lived together, happily.

[kimberellaroo]

I have a theory on why Crowley might not have told Aziraphale what he experienced in heaven, both during the hellfire execution I S1 and the files he saw about Gabriel and the second coming in S2.

Crowley is protective of Aziraphale, we know that he keeps coming to the rescue and bailing him out of trouble. We also know he's said that Aziraphale is just enough of a bastard to be likeable and we've seen him all gleeful when Aziraphale does something a little bit bad. But I'm pretty certain that his protective streak also extends to protecting Aziraphale's innocence a little from just how bad Heaven is.

Aziraphale has had a long run of either getting off scot-free, getting away with lying to God, and at worst receiving a "sternly worded note", basically just a reprimand. He knows Crowley goes through a lot worse in Hell, but that is hell of course. They're the bad guys. His attempts to protect Crowley are protecting Crowley from hell. Crowley also is very aware that hell are cruel so we can leave that aside for now.

The situation with heaven is more like this:

Imagine you have a group of friends that you trust, you've been close forever, maybe since childhood, practically family. They can be a bit bitchy to outsiders, but you're part of the group. As far as you know, they love you. Then one day while you're not there, your partner hears what these friends actually say about you behind your back and it's horrifically cruel. Things your partner knows will hurt you pretty bad. Your partner has to try to work out how to let you know that these aren't good friends, that you should cut ties with them, without wanting to repeat the hurtful things that could devastate you. Also if you believe your friends more than your partner, if you decided your partner was just trying to drive a wedge between you and your friends or isolate you, there's a risk you fight with your partner and break up about it.

Crowley is this partner. I think that he's trying to say "trust me, heaven is toxic" hoping that Aziraphale trusts him enough to believe it without having to go into detail. Meanwhile Aziraphale doesn't have the context to properly believe how bad it is, and Crowley isn't giving it to him. It's not the best way to go about it, even though Crowley means well.

I also think that as the demon, as the person who has gone through torture and abuse, part of Crowley is determined to carry the burden of this knowledge alone to protect Aziraphale from any of that. He's had practice after all, that means he's tougher right? He may think he's better able to handle it.

Because of all this, while Aziraphale obviously knows heaven punished "him" (body swapped Crowley) after the failed Armageddon, he may believe that heaven treated it like an unpleasant duty that they had to do, because he never saw and wasn't told about how much smug pleasure Gabriel took in doing it, and how he would have encouraged others to humiliate him (Eric the demon in the deleted scene). Did Crowley even tell him that it was meant to be an execution and not a lecture? There was nothing said about it on the park bench afterwards. Aziraphale knows execution was what Hell had planned for Crowley, but as we've already established, Hell is cruel. He may believe that Heaven only smites demons and sometimes humans (because angels don't seem to really understand humans), never their own angels. As far as we've seen, Crowley and Aziraphale have never had a serious talk about how and why Crowley was cast from Heaven, how that took place, who was involved in the casting out. It could be that Crowley has protected him from that info too. It could be that Aziraphale forgets a little that demons were once angels too, or again, thinks it was done as an unpleasant duty.

Of course Crowley's determination not to share the hurtful information backfires spectacularly in a number of ways:

Aziraphale does not have the information and context needed to see the real danger towards himself and treats Crowley like he's overreacting. Crowley hasn't shared the tools that allow Aziraphale to protect himself.

Not knowing all this means that Aziraphale forces Crowley into contact with an abuser, even if it's one with a personality change. That puts a lot more pressure on an already burdened Crowley.

I think that Crowley trying to bear the burden himself starts to weigh on him. His efforts to protect Aziraphale from heaven are unappreciated by Aziraphale because Aziraphale is clueless that he's even doing it. When he finds Aziraphale has been sheltering Gabriel I think part of his reaction is to how ungrateful Aziraphale seems to be, as well as the feeling taken for granted and that Aziraphale doesn't trust him enough that he's gone back to that metaphorical cruel friend. He explodes, and then is exhausted by it all. Aziraphale demanding an apology dance from him and being smug about it makes it worse, but I think he does it to keep the peace because he doesn't want to leave Aziraphale to deal with the threat of Gabriel and Heaven alone.

I know all this kind of makes Aziraphale sound like a bit of jerk while Crowley is all self-sacrificing, but if Aziraphale's jerkier actions are from genuine ignorance and Crowley's self-sacrificing is misguided thinking he knows what's best for Aziraphale, it kind of evens out. Neither of them are seeing what they have as an equal partnership at this point. Both of them are trying to protect the other from the other's ex-employers and think they are right. We've already established that crappy communication skills form the basis for a lot of their problems. It's not healthy at all and there's definitely ways they could deal with it better, but they are both messy flawed people acting according to feelings.

[ofallthingsnasty]

From the yandere alphabet, could you possibly do F, H, J, or N for Blue? Him and Bill are my favs :)

Yandere alphabet

Of course 💕 Blue is from this fic and my not-so-little beefy merman, you can find more yandere Blue here and here. For everything Blue, browse my OC: Blue tag.

tw. yandere, noncon, oviposition, f!reader, minors dni

Fight: How would they feel if their darling fought back?

Hurt, betrayal, disbelief, anger, annoyance - Blue feels a lot of things at once. But the only emotion that he will show is anger. Of course, he knows that what he is doing isn't sane, isn't consensual - he isn't delusional - but he thinks he is acting for both his and your own good when he takes you for himself. Blue is a lot older than you (which is only natural, considering that merfolk live longer than humans do and mature slower) and he sometimes gets a little cocky, a little condescending. To him, you're still so young and immature - especially when you tell him (fully aware that his last fertile seasons are approaching) that you want to put off having kids for another few years. He takes you out a sense of entitlement and hurt that you're suddenly 'breaking your promise', coupled with the 'I-know-best' attitude I mentioned above - so how does a boyfriend-turned-captor react when the love of his life is fighting back? It's definitely going to be a pile of negative emotions. When you dare to buck under his grip, to wiggle away from him or even try to hurt him - he'll go through a million thoughts in one second. But his pride is too grand to show you that it makes him sad, deep, deep down - the only thing that you will reap is acid, in hopes that it might deter you from acting out again. He can fix your relationship later, he thinks. Because you're more likely to see that he was right all along with a fat-cheeked baby on your arm. Hell: What would be their darling’s worst experience with them? I'd say that depends on you - as in, what would be worse for you? He isn't violet, but he is going to force himself on you so you can carry his eggs. He isn't going to isolate you forever, but he will definitely keep you from anyone and anything until your babies are a little older. So, what is worse? To get violated by your partner of more than a decade or to be all on your own because he thinks it's what is best for you? Which can you stomach better? That one singular traumatic event or the grueling years of isolation and solitude? Both are harrowing in their own right, though the latter might not be defined as a 'single experience'.

Jealousy: Do they get jealous? Do they lash out or find a way to cope?

Oh, Blue gets jealous pretty easily, even as his 'canon' self. Your worlds are so different - he can't follow you to land, only has you when you're at sea with him - and, as many men with big, great egos do, he has that little nagging voice in his head that tells him that you might just fall for another human because it's easier, more familiar. I didn't mention in 'at home', but you wear his bite on your neck for that very reason. He's trying to tell any potential suitor to back off. He's a biter in general, obsessed with leaving marks all over, to make it clear that you're taken. So when he gets jealous? It might just be the straw that breaks the camel's back. You tell him you need more time before having kids and he can smell some other man on you? That doesn't bode well for you. Trust me.

Naughty: How would they punish their darling?

Never physically, that's for sure. He will give you the cold shoulder, will ignore you, will get loud and desperate - but he won't ever hit you. Really, in his eyes he isn't even punishing you. He thinks that you're still in a relationship, even when he forced his eggs into you, thinks that he simply had to force you to see what's important. He thinks you're just arguing like couples do, that he's simply voicing his anger and frustrations. (The fact that there is now a considerable power balance between you is ignored by him.) So why would he hit you? He isn't like that, he loves you, don't you see?

[skayafair]

Daaaaaaaaaamn this boy has absolutely no idea how to process his feelings *head in hands*

^ this is about episode 4 ending by the way

And, well, yes, Crystal does refocus any talk about others' problems to hers, okay. Usually there's at least a bridge of "yeah I get you, it's really rough" before sharing your own experience to connect, but she just goes straight to "And I...". Which... honestly she has every right to, but it's also her old self talking, yes.

I'm a bit stuck on Charles' "I cant help her, I can't help you, I can't help anyone or anything" because. It's so damn familiar. It's not that he can't help anyone - he does so plenty. It's not even that he can't SAVE anyone - they DO. But he can't see this, because the ones the closest to him are the ones he cannot save. This isn't about helping, that's a fucking saviour complex. An "if I'm not useful or helpful they don't need me", only just "helping" has never been enough now, has it? It's never enough, whatever you do. Moral support or help with research, little daily things are help, too. But it doesn't count. It has to be big, something you can't overlook, and it has to be final, to make who you're trying to save happy, forever. Only it's not possible. That's why the saviour complex is so bad - you can't save someone whose life is not over over completely, forever. You can only help bit by bit, but it won't ever be enough for you, because it has never been enough for someone big and important in your life, someone from family.

I kinda knew where exactly my - the same - issues stemmed from but never looked at it from this specific angle. I didn't connect the dots at first because Charles had an actual physically abusive parent while for mine it's just narcissistic tendences, but. Honestly the general outline is too familiar and I was tiggered and more perceptive today so yeah, thanks again for the insight, DBD.

The feeling of "I can't help my best friend, I can't help my family, I can't help anyone or anything, so what's even the point of me at all?" is too familiar. And I believe the show didn't create a resolution for Charles' problem, more like put it on hold because there were more pressing matters at hand. If we get season 2, I hope it developes this theme further. I need someone to tell him "your worth has nothing to do with this".

Speaking of which, I can't help being astonished at how psychologically accurate and nuanced the show is. With all the characters, really, but Charles' case is the most obvious, I think. The way he's always drawn to the same kind of people and - wow, Charles, that was unusually perceptive! - even noticed it himself? What he didn't notice yet is that this is the kind of people not only with similar personality traits, but also unavailable. Edwin's metaphorical walls, Crystal being alive and honestly just not very interested? Both are rather rude and I couldn't help noticing how uncomfortable Charles often looks when either of his sweethearts is at it again. I could almost see the cogs in his head turning, figuring out how to balance out yet another moody fit of theirs, be it Edwin or Crystal. And not being offended by obvious insults? Hell, Crystal noticed it right away. Yeah he's used to it with Edwin but that's not normal??? There's nothing good about it??? Have some self-worth, boy!

And. Well. Chasing after an unavailable partner is a totally common thing with this kind of trauma. Toxic relationship is the only normal you know. The only kind of "love" you know. If it doesn't hurt even a little, doesn't have these highs and lows, if you don't have to accomodate another's fits - what are we even talking about, yeah?

Charles is honestly lucky though. Edwin tries to be nicer, amitting his flaws, and generally they are pretty well-balanced and keep growing together (but there's always room for developement). Crystal is doing her best and is caring all over as well. The intent is there and it's good at its heart.

But I'm still waiting for the resolution. "You're the best man I've ever known" doesn't cut it.

Also it would be REALLY interesting to see Charles' developement in s2 because while Crystal is probably still off-limits due to the whole the living and the dead thing (and she wants to be friends), Edwin has opened up. Are there going to be any changes in this regard, because this isn't even about romantic or platonic and the orientation, it's about the dynamic in whole? Or is this going to be glossed over? I mean, when Crystal was being emotionally available as a friend - same episode 4 - Charles got angry fot prying. He doesn't know how to deal with all this but has made some progress. Will we see more of it?

We need season 2 SO. BAD.

[liyazaki]

I have zero place commenting on today's episode (I've only seen the first 2 eps), but from what I'm seeing? Moonlight Chicken has ascended into the rarest category of BL content: showcasing nuanced, highly-complex, grown-ass-people-in-relationships issues.

no one goes into a relationship thinking it's going to end. with that heady cocktail of hormones coursing through your veins, you can't even fathom a world where you don't feel this way forever. you might even think, "when the initial high fades, I'll choose to love this person." and hopefully, you can.

but sometimes, you just can't. not because it wasn't real, or because they aren't wonderful, or because it isn't healthy. you could have the most loving, supportive relationship in the world- but things never stop changing. you will never stop changing.

the grief & guilt over outgrowing a relationship can be unspeakably devastating. it doesn't make you a horrendous human being. it doesn't make you a failure, even though it sure as hell might feel like it. it doesn't change the reality that it just doesn't fit anymore.

the hardest thing? knowing when to fold. in being able to discern between actual hope & desperately clinging to a dead or dying thing. to what isn't anymore & will likely never be again.

if we just gave ourselves a little more grace to be human, to not be infallible- we'd hurt others (& ourselves) so much less. we wouldn't overstay when we should've left, or try to twist & contort ourselves into something we aren't anymore.

endings will always hurt. how much they hurt- & who they hurt- is (at least partially) up to us.

[misspennymelodies]

Where We Run

Song: Sol by Kati Ran 

NSFW. MDNI. Seriously. Turn back now. I'll make things for you later.

For everyone else: Start/end of smut is clearly marked, just in case spice isn't your thing. If you choose to skip, smut is still implied throughout the rest of the sections.

CW: Swearing. Reader gets a little physically aggressive at points.

Smut TW: Slight praise kink if you squint. Use of "good girl" and "princess". Overstimulation. Multiple Orgasm.

I think that's it? Let me know if I missed anything between the tags and the TWs

This is a bit of a long one, so buckle up.

*****

Your POV

Raindrops fall from the sky in steady sheets as your feet carry you forward, not bothering to steer you around the puddles in your path. Your clothes and hair are soaked from the lack of protection a raincoat or an umbrella would have provided. You should have brought at least one if you were smart - but you weren’t. Right now, you're just done.  

Done with all the violence, and the pain, and the death. It had been painful enough when Suguru abandoned your close-knit group so many years ago to… what? Massacre over a hundred people? Even then, even though your heart grieved, he was still there. He was still physically present in this world. You could still reach out and touch him, even if the touch would likely have come in the form of a punch to the face. But now? He was just…gone.  

You could only imagine the pain that Satoru was going through, having been the one there during his final moments. The two of you had only shared a few words after you recovered from your own injuries, and you understood enough to know that he had been the one to end his best friend’s life. And then, he, too, was gone. Not in the same sense – he was still here, alive, going on missions. But he pulled away from you, keeping you at arm’s length instead of safely within them.  

You gave him his space, understanding that he needed to grieve in his own way. But days turned to weeks, and weeks turned to months, and soon you barely spoke anymore. You two had once been inseparable, but he had been the one to change that. He was still there, but you could no longer touch him. No longer feel the warmth of his skin over yours. Despite the dark sky and the dense forest, your feet knew exactly where they were headed, even though your heart was lost. 

The rain mixes with your tears as you push forward, feet slipping on a smooth stone. You land on your hands and knees with an audible thud. You're sure it hurt, but you're so numb on the inside that the stinging never registers. You don’t move for a minute, your mind wandering back to earlier that day, and your heart painfully tears just a little bit more.  

(flashback)

You had just finished a class, and you spotted him walking past your classroom window. You quickly shoved your things into your bag and rushed after him, hoping he wouldn’t outpace you. You were determined to talk to him, to have a goddamn conversation with him today. You were so fed up with the silent treatment, and he couldn’t shut the world out forever. 

“Satoru!” He didn’t even acknowledge you as he continued to amble forward, his hands stuffed into his pockets. “Satoru, wait up!” You caught up to him and went to place a hand on his arm to get to stop – but it never connected. His Limitless was up. And you hit your own limit. “Will you just fucking STOP?” You yelled, continuing to push against the barrier. He whirled around, forcing your arm back.  

“What the hell do you want?” he seethed. You felt yourself falter slightly, taken aback by the way his words bit at your resolve.  

“We need to talk.” 

“No, we don’t”.  

“Yes, we do! Look, I know you’re upset about Suguru, but – “ 

“Don’t you DARE say his name!” His eyes were ablaze behind his glasses, and you immediately recoiled, burned by his sudden outburst. “You don’t get to say his name. Not in front of me.” Tears pricked at your eyes, but you refused to stand down.

“Look, I lost him too,” you spat. “Suguru was like a brother to me, and –“ 

“Stop!” 

“No, you stop! You’re acting like such a fucking child, Satoru! Just because you’re hurting doesn’t mean that no one else is!” 

“Well, if I am, then it’s your fault.”  

“What the hell is that supposed to mean?” You asked, taking a step back, his words lashing out at you. You could almost feel them rip at your skin, leaving marks with their intensity,  

“If I wasn’t so busy having to keep all eight of my eyes on you all the FUCKING time, then maybe he’d still be alive.” A crack formed in your armor. Did he blame you for Suguru’s death?  

“How DARE  you.” You spat, clenching your hands, but he continued as if you hadn’t spoken. 

“All that time I wasted in your bed instead of at his side, all those moments that I spent trying to keep those curses away from you, I could have saved him. It’s your fault he’s dead.” Time seemed to stop, and pain radiated through your hand as your fist came to a stop inches from his face.  

“Take. That. Back.” All you could see was red. You willed your hand to break through his barrier, even though you knew it was fruitless, but you didn’t care. “You. FUCKING. Take. That. BACK!”. Your fist made contact with Limitless with each punctuation. 

“Why?” He was almost nonchalant now. “After all, you know it’s true.” His sudden change of tone tore the wind from your lungs. 

“You’re… you’re serious, aren’t you?” Your brain spun, and you staggered back, more tears threatening to spill out. What was happening? 

“Deadly.” He was a mixture of cold and flippant, and you were struggling to keep up. He… he really did blame you for Suguru’s death. “You always held me back. Always pulled me down with you. Always so weak, needy – if I didn’t waste so much time on you, then maybe things would have been different. But I can’t change the past, so better to change the future.” 

That was it. Your heart didn’t break; it shattered. It crumbled into so many tiny pieces that you didn’t think you’d ever be able to pick them up again.  

“So that’s it then,“ you stuttered, tears now freely falling down your cheeks. “You’re just done with me? Done with us? Did it even mean anything to you?”  

“No.” You thought you caught a glimpse of remorse in his eyes as the words left his lips, but it passed too quickly to tell before your own vision went blurry. You sank down to your knees, hands pressed to the rough cobblestone as you struggled to see, to breathe, to even comprehend how things ended up here.  

You loved him, you loved him, you loved him…  

By the time you stopped hyperventilating, Satoru Gojo was nowhere to be seen.  

(end flashback)

You come back to yourself, still kneeling on the ground in the rain. You cursed yourself for being so stupid. You knew he was just lashing out because he was in pain, but why didn’t you stand up to him and fight back? Fight for the both of you? Satoru was the strongest, but why couldn’t you be strong for him?  

Maybe you were weak. 

You stand up, the broken skin on your knees stinging from the movement. You continue moving as if you had never stopped. A few minutes and a million thoughts later, you reach your destination. The city lights seem to dance and flicker in the rain as you look down from your perch.  

You and Satoru used to come to this lookout to pretend that the world didn’t exist outside of you two wrapped in each other’s arms or, sometimes, each other’s bodies. But now? Now, you just want to pretend that the two of you don’t exist either, feeling more alone than you ever had. You slump down onto a nearby log, bury your face into your hands, and cry. 

*****

Satoru POV

He is lying on his bed, the occasional bolt of lightning the only source of illumination he can be bothered to accommodate. It had been hours since the two of you spoke – well, at least that is what you had tried to do. Him? He had eviscerated you.  

He turns onto his back for the umpteenth time, getting lost in the blankness of the ceiling. He had never been good at dealing with emotions. No, that wasn’t true. The happiness that came with being near you was as easy as breathing. He had even accepted that he was in love with you long before either of you said those words to each other. He was even good with death, in a sense. He had known countless people who had died… but betrayal? The sense of loss that came with murdering your best friend, even if it was the only mercy you could give them after they themselves had slain so many others? That was new to him, and he didn’t know how to handle it. 

So he did what came naturally – he didn’t deal with it. He bottled it up and just hoped it would go away. But every time he saw you, saw your heartbreak, he was sorely reminded of his own. Maybe if he just put his head down and moved forward, he could outrun those feelings of hopelessness and insecurity that kept chasing him. Maybe then he would be strong enough to keep either of you from falling away.  

But what he didn’t do was let you in on this plan. He knew he was stupid for not talking to you, for thinking he could do this on his own. He was going to be your knight in shining armor, and he didn’t want to be reminded of just how weak and vulnerable he was. But in reality, he could barely breathe without knowing you were breathing right next to him.  

Time passed too quickly for him. Just when he thought he was ready to be vulnerable for you again, you were right there in front of him, eyes on fire and Suguru’s name falling from your lips. It was like all the pain he had been running from suddenly overtook him. Became him. He could only watch as he tore through each and every one of your defenses – blaming you for both of your losses and… *his heart clenched*… and even insinuating that the time you had spent together was…  

He rolls onto his side and sits up, feet touching the cool floor beneath him and elbows resting on his knees. He buries his hands in his face, digging his palms into his eyes as his long fingers grip and pull at the edges of his hair.    

He had caused you pain. So much pain. More pain than even he had been feeling at the time. Why? Because you dared to love him when he could barely love himself?   

He eventually lets his hands fall to his lap. These were the hands that killed his best friend. And now they were responsible for ripping your kind, sweet heart from your beating chest. But he couldn’t just let you die a cold, heartless death. No, he would give his heart to replace the one he had so mercilessly taken. Even if he couldn’t make it up to you, he had been the one in the wrong and had to at least try to make it right. 

He walks slowly down the dark hallway, the rain against the roof helping to steel his resolve. Once he makes it to the other side of the faculty building, he pauses outside your door. He wouldn’t blame you if you didn’t forgive him – hell, he didn’t know if he could forgive himself. But he had to try. He couldn’t rest tonight without you knowing that each moment with you meant more to him than his own life did.  

*Knock. Knock. Knock.* 

He pauses for a moment. Nothing. He knocks again, calling out your name in a hushed whisper. Nothing. He puts his hand on the handle, and it gives way underneath the weight. The door gently swings open to reveal…nothing. You're not there.  

He steps into your room, looking around. It was well past midnight, so where were you if not sleeping? You weren’t typically a night owl like he was. He notices your bag slug over the back of your desk chair, the same one that you had been carrying earlier. So, he knew you were here at least at some point after he left you.  

Lightning flashes again, and something glints on the floor beside the trash. He takes a step forward, his stomach dropping. Your necklace. He gently picks it up, running his thumb over the charm. 

He had given it to you a few months after the whole star plasma vessel incident. It was a cheap pendant on a chain from some festival, but he had bought it mere hours before the two of you stood at your favorite lookout spot, watching the sun set over Tokyo and exchanging shy, heartfelt ‘I love yous’ for the first time.    

You had never taken it off since. And now here it was, discarded like you couldn’t bear the weight of it anymore.  Another flash of lightning, and suddenly, it was like all the pieces fit together. Panic surges through his veins as he tries to shove the necklace into his pocket. He just hoped you were okay. By the time the thunder rolled, Satoru had already transported himself away. 

*****

Your POV

You're exhausted. Every fiber of your being hurts. Your heart still lay shattered within your chest, the dust from its collapse threatening to be washed away with the rain. Maybe if you just sat here forever, somehow, just somehow, the world would right itself again. You were alone, but all you wanted was for Satoru Gojo to show up behind you, bring you into his arms, and never let go.  

"Hey...." You turn, not quite believing what you are hearing. "Thought I would find you here." 

You sit there, shellshocked. How? What? When did he...? Your eyes follow him as he walks around to squat down in front of you. He doesn't have his glasses on, and the heavy rain is already starting to mat his silvery white hair against his forehead. His crystalline eyes bore into yours, somehow shining against the darkness of the night. 

"Look, I - " 

You slap him.  

Satoru's head turns to the side with the impact. You had wished so deeply for him to show up, but how that he's here, all you can feel is the anger and hurt from the last time you looked at him. The slap had actually surprised you. You didn't realize your arm was moving until your palm had made contact with his face. 

"I guess I deserve that." He says quietly, meeting your gaze again.  

"You think?" You bit back. There were so many emotions, and you feel yourself being swept up in their wake. It was like there was a storm raging both inside and out. But Satoru just continues to sit there, unmoving. You feel the broken pieces of your heart lurch in time with a pulse of pain from your hand. It was stinging...from when you hit him...he didn't have his Limitless up this time.  

It was just him. 

Just 'Toru.  

You angrily push him back, a sob bursting from your lungs. "Asshole!" Satoru falls back, landing in the wet grass. "You. Fucking. ASSHOLE, Satoru!" He gets to his knees, kneeling in front of you. Tears were once again streaming down your face. You're not sure if Satoru can see you crying with all the rain, but you damn sure hoped he did.  

His eyes never left yours. You go to push him again, but he catches your hands.  

"I'm so sorry," he says. Another sob wrecks your body, and you wrench your hands back from him. He lets them go in exchange for bringing his own hands up to your shoulders. "What I said before... baby, I didn't mean it." Satoru tries to bring you into a hug, but you fight back, closed fists beating against his chest.  

"You're such an asshole!" you cry. Satoru just pulls you closer, letting you pound against his chest until you sink to your knees in front of him, crying uncontrollably in his arms.  

"I know, I know." He puts his face into your shoulder, just hugging you, afraid that if he loosened his grip, he would lose you for good. You were only half aware that you could feel his body shaking alongside your own, his own sniffles drowned out by the rolling of thunder moving off into the distance. 

Eventually, the rain begins to let up. You pull back slightly, and Satoru gives you a small, lopsided smile. You brush the wet hair from his forehead.  

"I don't deserve you," he mumbles, tracing a thumb over your cheek.  

"No, you don't." Yet despite your words, you could feel your heart pieces gravitating towards each other again, as if Satoru had placed blue right in the middle of the destruction that he caused within you. "I'm sorry I hit you." Satoru lets out a breathy laugh. 

"I'm the one who said all of those things to you, and here you are, apologizing for hitting me? Babe, I deserved each and every one of those punches. Even the ones that didn't hit..." He trails off but brings his other hand to the back of your head, smoothing your wet hair. "I don't expect you to forgive me anytime soon, but let me at least try to make it up to you, yeah?" You nod, allowing his sincerity to melt into your skin.  

"You better." Satoru stands and offers you a hand. You take it, and he gently helps you to your feet. You look up into his face, memorizing every aspect of it. You know him; you know how hard it is for him to bear his soul in such a vulnerable way. Yet here, right now, you feel like it's so exposed that it wraps you up in its very existence. He loves you. And you love him. 

Satoru wraps an arm around your waist, and the world vanishes. 

*********************************************************** 

START OF SMUT SECTION

***********************************************************

Standing in the middle of your room, Satoru kisses your forehead.  

"Get some sleep, Love. We'll talk in the morning." 

"You promise?" 

"Cross my heart, baby." You instinctively roll your eyes at him, a playful grin tugging at both of your lips. Satoru turns to leave, but you grab his hand. He looks down at it before back up at you quizzically. 

"Make it up to me," you whisper, looking at and feeling the smooth skin of his hand under your fingers. The room is warm, far warmer than it was outside. It makes your body tingle.  

"What?" You meet his gaze and pull him gently toward you.  

"Make it up to me." He brings both of his hands to your face. 

"You sure? We don't have to do this now." You nod, your body physically and emotionally desperate for him.  

"Please." His lips meet yours. The kiss is soft and tender and filled with emotion. 'I'm sorry,' his lips seem to say. You let yourself sink into him, enjoying the feeling of being connected to him again. But as sweet as the kiss is, you need more. You want more. You want to feel him need you as much as you need him. 

You bring your arms around his torso, your fingers digging into his back through his clothes. Satoru grunts, and you feel his grip tighten on the sides of your face. You nibble at his lower lip and press yourself closer to him. Satoru's left-hand moves to the back of your head, gripping your hair tightly. Your tongues battle for dominance.  

You let out a breathy gasp as Satoru's hand makes its way under the back of your shirt. Despite the warmth of the room and the arousal blooming under your skin, his hand is still quite cool to the touch.  Satoru takes advantage of this and quickly overwhelms you, forcing his way into your mouth and circling around your tongue with his own.  

His hand rests across your back, pulling you closer. You can feel his dick hardening against you. You rub yourself against him, the slight friction sending shocks straight into you. 

"Mmmm, fuck," Satoru groans, pulling from the kiss. His left hand is still buried in your hair; he gently pulls it, guiding your attention to his face. "You don't know what you do to me, baby."  

"Then show me," you challenge, standing on your toes and nipping at his bottom lip. You can practically hear the instinctual growl that emanates from his chest. Despite the gentle sincerity of the few prior moments, you're still very much angry with him. You don't want to make love to him. You want fuck him –  long and hard. 

That's all it takes. Satoru releases you and brings both of his hands to the hem of your wet shirt, removing it from you in one swift motion. His hands grip your hips, and he lifts you up. Your legs instinctually wrap around his waist, your arms around his neck. He buries his face into the juncture between your neck and shoulder, immediately finding the spot that makes you arch into him. You moan into his ear. Your skirt has risen up, and his dick is pressing maddeningly against your clothed clit.  

Fuck he feels good.  

Satoru is not small by any stretch of the imagination, and you don't dare repress the onslaught of dark and dirty thoughts that invade your mind. You grind your hips against him, seeking more friction. You're sure that your thong is already - 

"Satoru!" Satoru is sucking and biting at that spot on your neck. He brings one of his hands to your back, unclasping your bra and splaying his hand out against your skin, holding you tight against him as he continues his assault. You can practically feel him grinning against you.  

"Like that, baby? You like it when I mark you like that?"  

"I could say the same thing to you," you whisper, biting at his ear. Your hips circle his again. This time, his hips thrust up to meet you. You clit spasms at the unexpected extra contact. Yeah, your underwear is definitely soaking.  

He walks the two of you over to your bed, not breaking his suction on your neck. Satoru lays you down gently but is quick to remove your bra, tossing it carelessly to the side. You pull at the top of his shirt, anxious to feel his skin against yours. He takes it off, and you can't help but marvel at him. He's like a god. His tall, thin frame is toned with muscles that you can see shift as he moves. Who the hell made this man?  

As Satoru is distracted by removing his own shirt, you lean up and kiss along his jaw. He groans, his hands gripping your sides. Much like he did to you, you grab at his hair and kiss down towards his neck. He leans into you, enjoying the feeling of your lips against his skin. His hands slide up your body, and soon, his thumbs are grazing over your nipples. You moan into his neck, your body trying to arch into the contact.  

"Easy, baby," he laughs, leaning back. "There's much more where that came from." His smirk is sexy and disarming...and you could so easily lose yourself in him. But you had a mission that you wanted to accomplish first.  

"Don't I know it," you smirk, wrapping a leg around him. His hand rests against you, keeping your leg in place. Perfect. Just as he leans down, presumably to put his glorious mouth to your chest, you push against him, flipping him so you are straddling his waist.  

As much as you wanted him to make things up to you (and God, did you want him to), you also wanted to make him need you. You had waited months for him. He could wait a few extra minutes to have you. 

"Ooo, someone's fiesty today."  

"Fiesty doesn't even begin to cover it." You wink at him and slowly crawl your way down his body, maintaining eye contact with him and occasionally kissing your way down his chest. "You made me wait for you, made me wait for so damn long. I needed you. And now you're going to need me..." 

You trail off when you get to the bulge in his pants. You gently run your nose against it, trying not to provide too much sensation for him. He bucks up against you, but you move your head back, grinning.  

"Ah ah ah, patience is a virtue 'Toru".  

"Yeah, and a virtue you know that I don't h-have." You bring your mouth to his pants, slowly undoing the zipper with your teeth as your fingers deftly open the button. He lifts his hips and shoves clothes down, but you pretend not to notice his haste, taking your sweet time removing them the rest of the way. He practically guides your hand to him. You cock your head to the side and grasp him lightly, your fingers barely grazing his length.  

"Hurry it up, babe. I need you." 

"But do you?" you tease. Satoru's eyes dance wildly, but you know that this is just the beginning. He doesn’t really need you. Not yet. Your hand tightens a little, and you bend down, licking the tip of his member.  

"Fuuuuck. Baby, come on."  

"Did you say something?" you ask. Your hand strokes him a few times before you stop, blowing on the tip where your tongue had just been. 

"Nghhh..." He moans, throwing his head back into the pillows. You know he could easily overpower you and force his dick into your mouth – he had before, on several occasions -  which is why you appreciated the fact that he was holding back. He was trying. That meant more to you than he could know. Plus, it was so fucking hot.  

Perhaps a little reward, then. 

Without warning, you take him fully into your mouth, lips suctioning against him.  

"Fuck!" Satoru's right hand comes to grip at your hair – partially for leverage and partially to keep it out of your face. His other hand is fisted into the sheet. God, this man... 

You pull out until just the tip is in your mouth. You circle it with your tongue before retaking him, letting him hit the back of your throat. You do this a few times, enjoying his breathy gasps as you suck him off. Once you feel like he is getting a bit too comfortable, you add your hands. You let one pump at the exposed base of his dick while the other cups his balls, your thumb running over them in time with your mouth. 

Satoru's breath hitches, and you look up. His eyes are scrunched, and his back has arched slightly. You increase your pace slightly, and his hands dig into your hair, urging you to go faster. But you refuse. Instead, you go slower until he lets you continue your chosen pace. Then he tries bucking up into you; you just lay your arm across his hip, making sure to keep the pressure at his base, twisting and pumping as you continue to take him into your mouth.   

You were practically drooling; you could feel the saliva dripping from your mouth and down his shaft, giving some lubrication to your hand. When you start to taste the saltiness of his precum on your tongue, you back off. You sit back on your heels as you stroke his full length, squeezing at random intervals.  

"Babe... Baby..." He pants, his lidded eyes partially obscured by an arm that moved over his face at some point. "I need you." 

"I'm sure you do." You blow onto the tip of his dick again and watch as he shudders at the feeling. "So show me. Show me just how badly the great Satoru Gojo needs me." 

You blink and are on your back, your hands pinned above your head. You almost forgot just how fast Gojo could be when he wanted to be. His hand is large enough to cover both of yours, and he towers over you, his body already covered in a slight sheen of sweat. He is panting slightly. He leans down until your faces are practically touching. 

"Now it's my turn, doll. I've got a lot of time to make up for." He nips at your lower lip before moving down your chest, taking a nipple into his mouth. You moan, arching up into him. His teeth gently graze the skin, torturing the bud until you are sure you could cum from that alone.  

Then he moved on to the other one. His right hand moved up to pinch and twist the one his mouth had just released.  

"Mmm, 'Toru... please," you sigh, raising your hips in an effort to get him to bring his attention lower.  

"Uh, uh, uh," he chides, his right hand leaving your heaving chest to wag a playful finger in your face. "It's like you said, doll. I need you. Not just to touch you" - he scrapes his nail over your nipple - "but to taste you, to feel you. I'm a starved man, so I'm going to take my time savoring your body." He pinches your nipple again, and you moan, your eyes closing at the pleasure as his mouth - 

"Fuck!" Your hips snap up, and your eyes open as Satoru drives two fingers into you without warning. You were so focused on his damn mouth that you didn't realize that he had moved his right hand away from your breast.  

"But then again..." He seems to stop and think as he slowly pumps his long fingers in and out of your slick folds. "… I do have a debt to repay." He thrusts his fingers into you again, sinking them straight up to the third knuckle and curling them upward. "I'm going to make it up to you." Out and In. "Even if it takes all night." Out and In. His fingers quickly speed up, and you can feel yourself practically fucking his hand. You want to reach up and touch him, but his left hand still has both of yours pinned above your head.  

"Mmm...yeah, 'Toru... fuck...fuck!" Satoru smirks and rests his forehead against your own. His impossibly blue eyes burn into yours.  

"Say my name, baby." His thumb starts to rub circles into your clit. You practically cry into his mouth as he claims your lips in an intense kiss. "I want to hear you scream my name as you come." 

"'Toru...'Toru...." Satoru curls his fingers in you again, his thumb still deftly circling your clit, which is now throbbing with the anticipation of release. You're close. You're so close. 

"My name. Say it," he punctuates as he presses his thumb harshly into your clit as his fingers roughly press into your g-spot.  

"Satoru!" You come crashing down into an orgasm, toes curling at the sheer intensity of it. Your walls spasm around his fingers as you continue to ride it out. He always knows just where to press to make you come undone. 

"Good girl," he praises, kissing his way down your stomach. He lets your hands go, and you wipe away the hair and sweat from your face. "But you didn't think we were done, did you?" 

"Wha-?" Satoru looks up at you from where he's hovering over the apex of your legs. His arm wraps around your leg, pulling you open for him.  

"We're just getting started, darlin'. Gotta make it up to you, remember?" Any words that you would have said all change to his name, wrenching itself from your lungs. His tongue laps at your folds while his fingers start thrusting into you again. Your hands fly to his hair, gripping it as he buries himself further into you.  

"'Toru, please, I'm so – fuck – I'm so sensitive. Mmmm... fuck!" He's alternating between lapping and sucking at your clit, and your vision feels like it's swimming, the coil in your abdomen tightening up surprisingly fast. Satoru tilts his head up.  

"I know." He sends you a devilish grin before diving back into you, this time flicking his tongue rapidly against you.  

"I'm coming! Fuck Satoru, I'm coming again..." You buck against him, throwing your head back into the pillow as the coil snaps. Your orgasm feels like a tidal wave, crashing through you with such force that you see stars, even though your eyes are forced closed.  

Satoru hums against you, the vibrations sending tremors through your thighs, straight to your core. His fingers are still buried inside you, pressing and curling into your g-spot over and over again... they make such lewd sounds with your wetness all over them. He's not stopping.  

"'Tor...'Toru, baby, please... I … I..." His teeth gently bite down against your clit as he roughly rams a third finger into your sopping hole. "FUCK!" A third orgasm rips through you. Your entire body stiffens as your back arches. Are you even breathing? You can't tell. Satoru finally comes to a stop, grinning like a Cheshire cat.  

"That's my girl." He hovers over you. You smile languidly at him, running a sweaty hand through his own damp hair. "But you've had your fun. Now it's my turn." He kisses you. You can taste yourself on his lips, and you can't help but moan into his mouth. Your passionate kiss turns desperate, and he pulls away, staring into your eyes. You can see the wonton need behind them, the desire to take you barely being held back by something else." 

Satoru brings one of his hands up to the side of your face. 

"I love you." Your heart leaps at the words. He doesn't say them often, even when it's just the two of you. But that's what makes it powerful; that's what makes them mean something to you.  

"I love you too, Satoru." He leans down and kisses you again, this one deep and longing, the growing primal desire starting to slip through the cracks.  

"Tell me if it's too much." 

"'Toru, I-" 

"No, please. Tell me because I'm not going to hold back." You hand moves to grip the back of his hair. 

"Satoru, I will tell you." You stare into his eyes so he can see the truth in your words. "Now fuck me." He lets out a breathy laugh as he positions himself with your opening.  

"As you wish." 

He sheaths himself in you with one long, deep thrust. You arch up, and he hovers over you, arms on either side of you. It's been so long since you've had his dick buried in you. God, you forgot just how big he was. You can feel him pulsing up against your halls, his head rubbing against your overly sensitive spot.  

Satoru sets a brutal and fast pace right from the start. You wrap your legs around his waist in an attempt to anchor yourself. You would try to meet his thrusts, but he's moving far too fast and hard. All you can do is hold onto him and let him fuck you mercilessly. You did ask for it, after all. You teased him, and them asked him to fuck you. What else did you expect?  

Well, certainly not to come for a fourth time. Not so soon. This one starts deeper than the past three but moves quickly. You barely have time to groan out his name before you're crashing over the edge again. Your entire body is shaking, but he doesn't slow down. He takes your legs and hooks them over his shoulder as he leans into you, allowing himself to go deeper. You feel him brush against your cervix. 

"Fuuuuck. You're gripping me so damn hard, babe. Nghhhh.... yeah, baby, just like that. Don't you fucking stop gripping my cock." Your head is spinning, and your entire body spasms against the sheer amount of pleasure. You can feel Satoru's thrusts start to waver, and you know he's close. He's panting, and you can see the concentration etched on his face. He moves his hand to your mound, fingers quickly finding your clit. 

"Satoru! Oh my -  Fuck! Fuck, 'Toru!" This time, you can feel your orgasm building from your toes. It is deep and thrumming, filling every fiber of your being with pleasure. It's too much. It’s too much. You're going to...  

"Come for me, princess."  

You let out a loud moan, so raw and deep that it cracks as it forces its way past your lips. It is joined by Satoru's own moan – stuttering and gravely as he pulls out, his warm seed spurting out across your skin.  

You both stay there for a moment, panting. Fuck that was good. He finally lets your legs down as he gets up to grab a tissue to clean you off. You don't want him to leave, but you know you'll be more comfortable when he's cleaned himself from you. Once your skin is no longer stained with his cum, you draw the covers back and climb under them, holding a hand out to Satoru, who has paused near the garbage can.  

"Satoru?"  

"Hmm?" He meets your gaze, coming back from...wherever his mind was.  

"Please?" You question, patting the space next to you. "I need you." He smirks at your choice of words, and you let out a laugh, but it's true. Now that you've been thoroughly fucked, you just need him. Just him. You want to feel him next to you, to make sure that he's not going to disappear from your side again. 

Satoru nods and climbs into bed with you, pulling up the sheets and draping an arm across your body. You both lay there in a comfortable silence before drifting off into sleep, the best both of you have had in months. 

*********************************************************** 

END OF SMUT SECTION

***********************************************************

The next morning, you wake to find Satoru sitting at your desk, seemingly deep in thought. He is fully dressed – he must have been up for a while.  

"Mornin'," you say, your voice still rough with sleep. He turns, startled from his pensive state. He smiles, but you can still feel his mind trying to pull him away again. Your own mind follows suit, and you replay the events from last night. It's hard to believe that all of that transpired less than 24 hours ago. "Hey, "Toru?" 

"Hmm?" He props his head on his hand in an effort to maintain focus on you. 

"How did you... I mean, I had hoped you would, but I still can't help but wonder..." Satoru raises his eyebrows, and you chuckle at your stream of consciousness. "What I mean is... how did you find me last night?" 

He lifts a hand up, and you can see your necklace dangling from his fingers, glinting against the early morning rays of light. Your hand subconsciously goes to the front of your neck, and your heart pangs at the memory of taking it off yesterday. You had sworn you never would, and even though the events did indeed justify the action, you still felt bad.   

"I'm sorry..." You trail off, but Satoru just shakes his head.  

"I told you, I deserved it." He takes another look at the necklace before coming to sit next to you on the bed. He motions with his finger for you to turn. You comply and brush your hair to the side, allowing him to fasten it around your neck. Right where it was meant to be. "I'll always know where you run." The words are softly spoken, his breath ghosting over your ear as he leans his head against yours. "At least when you leave clues as obvious as that." You scoff playfully and elbow him lightly. He laughs and wraps his around tightly around you.  

The two of you sit in a comfortable silence, just enjoying being in each other's presence.  

"Maybe we should just run away," you muse, drifting your fingers over his own. "Someplace where only the gods know where we are." He hums into your head, both of you only half contemplating the selfish thought. You both knew that you were needed here.  

*buzz buzz* 

You're broken from your thoughts by a text message coming to your phone. You plan to ignore it, but it buzzes again. Sighing, you reach over into your bag, reading the text messages.  

*buzz buzz* 

*buzz buzz* 

Your face goes red with embarrassment, but you can't help but laugh. "Or at least far enough from Shoko." You show Satoru the texts, and he bursts out laughing too.  

"So, my room tonight? Unless you want to try and be REALLY quiet -" You smack his arm.  

"Your room. Definitely your room." You quickly get ready, and Satoru flicks his glasses onto his face.  

"You know...I'm sure I can figure out how to soundproof a room. Or maybe we can try out a ball -" 

"Satoru!"  

"What?" He's grinning impishly at you.  

"Your room. Unless you plan on running those ideas past Shoko..." You let out another laugh as he sweatdrops. 

"Maybe you're right. But at least we'll be there together." A devilish grin spreads across your face. You tap his shoulder and then make a break for the door. 

"Last one to breakfast is a rotten egg!" He's in front of you before you can even reach the threshold, his grin now mirroring your own.  

"Nice try, Love." He leans down and brings you into a kiss, a hand grazing your - 

"Ow, 'Toru!" He pinches your butt and then runs off, cackling. You laugh and sigh, locking up your room behind you. You turn around and see that Satoru has already made it outside and is standing in front of a slightly annoyed Shoko, waving his hands in an exaggerated manner. You don't know what he's saying, but Shoko tries to hit him on the back of his head. She notices you and waves you over, looking less annoyed as she sees the smile across your face. Satoru is standing behind her, making faces.

Your heart swells. He is back. You are back. Everything is back to normal. And you wouldn't have it any other way. You could probably do without Shoko overhearing you guys again, though you couldn't lie, Satoru's offer was quite tempting. Maybe later.  

But for now, coffee.  

*****

Thanks for reading! :)

Feel free to reach out with comments or suggestions for future works/songs to use. I can't guarantee regular posting or if I'll use a particular idea, but I'm always open to new ideas to get the brain juices flowing.

Cross-posted on AO3 (misspennymelodies)

Much Love,

Penny <3

[purgemarchlockdown]

God wait okay I'm going to get really emotional here (like I'm not always on this blog but ignore that-) It's really important to me that Amane gets forgiven on a personal level because there's something to me for that.

That it's possible to break cycles of harm even if the harm has already been committed, that it's not an inevitable that we will be stuck here harming each other forever. Even if she hurts someone, even if she does something that can't be taken back it can still...be broken, it's still possible to stop. It's still possible to move forward and do better.

That it's possible to be forgiven even if you fucked up horribly, I don't think she will forgive us/Es and that's fine. But I'm glad we were able to forgive Her even though she's been framed so scary and threatening.

That it's possible to Move Past This, even though there's so much fucking bullshit the fact that she's Forgiven in the first place brings me sincere hope and joy that the hell she's trapped in isn't a permanent one.

She hurts someone? Alright, she does, she already did. She's just going to go back to her parents? Alright, she might.

But I Simply Cannot let go of that glimmer of hope and genuine want to live. I believe in the Amane that says stuff like this:

T2Q20: How do you feel about you not being like everyone else? Nevertheless I was born as myself, so I'm happy.

So what if it gets worse? We know it can get better, It Just Got Better For Her and I simply Do Not Care how long it takes. I believe in her, I really do.

[bildad-the-shuhite-official]

Alternative Universe fic recs

Dusk by snae_b M, 800 words, sci-fi au, human au, drugs, soldier crowley, one night stand, drugs There's a station between worlds where you can enjoy one last night before shipping out to fight someone else's war.

Snake Eyes by Lucy_Ferrier G, 3k, blind!Crowley, Aziracrow through the ages, bad communication Crowley has snake eyes. They look like snake eyes. They function like snake eyes. The thing is snake eyes aren't all that good for seeing with. He doesn't really seem to let it stop him from doing what he wants.

Part of a series:  InfraRed

Unaching Scars (Which I Should Hide) by Pearl09 G, 7.8k, soulmate AU, soulmate marks, angst with happy ending Soulmates seemed like a good idea at first, to the angels. If people share the same scars as their soulmate, there's no mistaking they are supposed to be with each other. But when one of their own suddenly has the same scars that mark a demon, it's like their greatest fears have been realized. Aziraphale is sent to Earth as an outcast, hoping one day he'll meet his soulmate, even if Heaven wouldn't like it. But when the same being keeps rescuing him and hanging out for 6000 years… it's hard not to fall in love.

Gravity by kaeltale T, 13k, fallen!Aziraphale, fluff, hurt/comfort, religious trauma, ineffable gender Falling starts with a question, and Crowley has fallen twice. The first time he asked himself, “Can I choose a different path?” The second time, he stood under the wing of a flustered angel, and thought, “Can I keep you?”

Part of a series: - Gravity: Fallen Angels

How My Light is Spent by Azira_Amane E, 19k, blind!crowley, disability, coffee shop au, happy ending, hook ups, fluff, body worship, chubby aziraphale, human AU Navigating the dating world when you can't see it can be tricky. For Crowley, that was never a problem; he's usually too busy to contemplate a relationship. The same goes for Aziraphale, though he doesn't have Crowley's excuse - he just isn't really all that much into people as a whole. One chance meeting on Crowley's usual route home changes all that.

I See You by doorwaytoparadiseE, 24k, Crowley is Medusa, ancient greece, greek mythology, friends to lovers, forbidden love, first kiss, first time, skippable smut Aziraphale didn’t know what he was, a mess of snakes and scales and claws and fangs, hidden beneath heavy fabric, deadly gaze tucked away when he spent time in the city. Aziraphale didn’t know, had never seen his face, and had befriended him anyway, always delighted when they met up. Crowley nearly chokes, despair rising like floodwaters in his lungs. Aziraphale is here to kill him. He can’t hurt Aziraphale.

Along the Changing Tide by NaroMoreau E, 53k, Human AU, summer romance, a hell lot of smut, fluff, night walks Aziraphale and Crowley meet at Anathema's beach house as guests for the summer. Neither of them think they're ready for a relationship but when they find themselves sharing a room, things will get complicated. A getting together, summer romance.

A Diamond Sky Above Titanic by SeaBlueEyes E, 58k, Titanic AU, Romance, Tragedy, Angst, Mind Rape, Crossover, pining The year is 1912, and one angel and one demon's lives are about to change forever as they embark on the fateful maiden voyage of the R.M.S. Titanic - and a relationship utterly forbidden by both Heaven and Hell.

I've got more fic recs for you guys. I really loved these so check them out and give them some love!

If you want a particular fic list, feel free to reach out to me.

Have a lovely day<3

[cocogrrrl]

waiting list

“do you even love me?” the question floated stale in the air. (or you and stan talk things out)

stan marsh x gn!reader cw: angsty, neglectful (i think?) relationships, implied self destructive stan, big-hearted yn :( wc: 777

an: stangst season!!! i love this a lot its very personal heart heart heart let a silly guy be silly

“Do you even love me?” The question floated stale in the air.

Deep down, you trusted within yourself that he did love you, yet you also felt like it could very much be otherwise. If he wanted to, he would. What exactly does it mean for someone like Stan to love you? What would it look like? Cause you’re sure as hell it wouldn’t look like this.

“I do,” his words felt incomplete. It felt like there was a but. However, whether it’d be an explanation or an excuse, it was buried within his throat.

“Then why do I have to question if you even like me?”

You knew he was beside you, but god you’re so far away from him that you could’ve sworn that two feet felt like two thousand. If you reached your hand out for him to hold, it’ll never meet his, even if he wanted to hold your hand. It’s because he might never see your hand extending out to him.

You wondered if any of your words even registered in his head at a distance like this.

“I’m sorry…” He sighed, relieving pressure by rubbing the back of his neck.

“I don’t want a sorry, Stan. I want us to be happy again. An apology isn't going fix everything.”

You swore that this is like your hundredth time repeating this. Maybe you’ll never be able to reach him—no matter what you do. When the vinyl has a divot in it, it usually skips sections or repeats it. To him, whenever you have these conversations, you are just like a broken record.

“Well, what should I do then?”

“I don’t know? I just want us to go back to how it was when we started dating. I want everything to go back to ‘normal.’”

“What exactly is normal?”

“...I wouldn’t know, I guess.”

You didn’t like this side of him. The side that seemed to be always so skeptical of everything. You learned how to love it, though. You’ve always stuck to the rule that if you love someone, you should love them a hundred percent. Anything else is just an idealized version of them.

“Do you feel even a little bit bad, Stan? For either one of us?

“Of course I do.” Finally, his gaze is turned to yours. “I feel bad that I keep trying to push everything away. It’s hurting both of us.” His tone was sympathetic, guilty even.

“Then why don’t you do anything to fix it?”

Because it’s all he knows. Because it is his second nature. Because it’s the only language that he’s been taught to speak.

You already knew the answer. Why did you even bother?

“It’s hard, dear. You know it is.” He took a long exhale. It almost felt dragged to piss you off. You knew you were looking a bit too into the lines, but everything right now seemed to either tick you off or make you upset.

“I know, but I’ve never even seen you try.” Or at least fully commit to it.

“I really have tried. I just… It’s really difficult.”

“Can’t I do anything to help? Please, I want to help you. I want us to go back to how it was.”

That, perhaps, is your greatest weakness. Your inability to let go of the past. You are a hoarder of memories. Ones you could throw out, you don’t. You keep them in your palms and will cling to them to make you feel fulfilled.

The collection of memories you hold are reminders that you have been happy. The present is here to pull you down. The future is a reminder of doom, but can also be a beacon of hope. As of now, things for you are bleak.

“How long will it take? Stan, I can’t keep waiting forever for something I’m not sure will ever come.”

You weren’t sure if that was a lie or the truth.

On one hand, you constantly lie restless, waiting for any semblance of a healthy life between the two of you. It was like watching the bottom of a large hourglass, unsure when will the sand run out. All you had and were left to do was watch and wait—hoping that the end will come while you were present.

On the other hand, you had a big heart. If your heart had a bouncer, Stan would have no issue with that. His name is tattooed on the waiting list. You knew deep in yourself he’s left a big dent in you, but scars make you beautiful, right?

One beat.

Two beats.

Three beats.

“Why don’t you wait for someone else then?”

[effervescentdragon]

If yes, can I get any pairing+ Daemon AUs?

happy bday @cerona10 ! im a bit late, sorry 🥰 i hope you still enjoy this. Also everyone go read Niamh's @milflewis fic that I adore :)

Charles sometimes thinks Esteban must be Pierre's soulmate or something similar. Why else would Ida be a rat?

Beatrice scoffs at him. "You are an idiot," she says, and if a peahen could roll her eyes, she would. "I keep telling you, you are your own worst enemy."

Charles shrugs. "I'm just saying. Ida and Marie get along great, and you can't tell me Este doesn't look like a rat."

He expects her to scold him. She has no problem doing it, and when Lorenzo's Arcana joins her, they can go on forever. She doesn't. "Marie," she says instead, her tone ice-cold. "What a common name."

"You're being mean," he says, because one of them has to be responsible. One of them must remember their duty and how to act when there's people around, and apparently it will not be Beatrice. So it must be Charles. "Why are you being mean?"

"No meaner than you," she says regally, ignoring his question. Her feathers puff up and Charles can't help but giggle, because she is as adorable as she is beautiful. "Every other girl is named some variation of Marie."

"At least you get those verses," Charles tries to placate her. "I'm getting better at Italian, and the book is full of expressions of love for Beatrice. I think they're all written for you personally. They feel like they are."

Beatrice squints at him like he's an idiot. "It's a book about hell, Charles."

"I don't believe in hell," he says, hurt a bit and not even knowing why. She folds her tail and steps closer to him, and he lets her, of course he does, she is his daemon, she is everything and he will always forgive her everything.

"I know you don't," she mutters. "That may be for the best."

"What do you mean?" Charles asks. Beatrice just shakes her head.

"Doesn't matter, little one," she says, and sometimes he forgets that she is not of this world, that she is other; never in moments like these, though, when her gaze goes through him and she seems to be remembering something. "Heaven and hell are not quite real, anyway."

Charles thinks on it a moment. He's reading Dante's Inferno, because Lolo insisted, but it's going slowly. He think's he may like Paradiso more, but Arcana insisted he does it in proper order, and he doesn't dare contradict her very much.

"And Purgatory?" he hears himself ask. "What about Purgatory?"

She doesn't answer for a moment, closing her eyes in a manner he's starting to recognize as the indication she's thinking of how much should she say. When she opens them, her voice is as far away as her gaze.

"Purgatory is in your head, Charles," she finally says. He blinks at her, because he doesn't understand, but he also doesn't like it one bit.

Before he can ask, she shakes her head, as if coming out of a trance. "Esteban isn't Pierre's soulmate." Her tone is final, and Charles bites his lip to prevent himself from poking her more. She won't appreciate it, and he doesn't want her to be mad at him.

"Okay," he sighs instead. "Let's go see if him and Ida are free after quali? We don't have to do anything after the F2 feature race, and we can maybe all hang out? Or at least Pear said so."

Beatrice smiles. "Yes. Let's do that instead," she says, and struts off elegantly towards the door, and Charles doesn't ask Instead of what?

-

Ida settled late. Even Beatrice settled before her; but then again, everyone knew Beatrice would be something special. Charles hated it and loved it in just the equal amount, and she knew that. She didn't really care.

"White peafowl, Charlo, how wonderful," Pierre had said to him when he first saw her. "And you, you look wonderful, my lady," he said playfully to Beatrice, and she scoffed, and preened, and let Pierre touch her snow-white feathers and caress her head.

Charles wasn't jealous of his own daemon. He wasn't.

Ida had sat on the couch by him, then, and Charles didn't dare reach out to her. It didn't really matter because she was just like Pierre. She went for what she wanted, and sooner rather than later she was in his lap. Charles didn't mind. He never did.

Why don't you settle, Charles had wanted to ask her back then. What is bearing down so heavily on his soul that he can't settle you?

He didn't ask; of course he didn't. He wouldn't put Pierre on the spot like that. He was content enough to watch Beatrice and Pierre talk as he caressed Ida's fur or feathers ir skin carefully as she flickered into different forms on his lap.

-

"Pierre Gasly's daemon is a rat," a boy says snidely on the track. "Just like him, the asshole."

The boy doesn't even get to finish his sentence properly when Charles punches him so hard, he breaks the boy's nose.

"Fuck you," Charles growls as Jules drags him away, apologizing to the boy's parents. "Don't talk about him like that!"

Jules doesn't say anything as he cleans Charles' hand except "Next time, clench your fist a bit more. It will hurt you less."

Charles smiles through the tears he doesn't let fall, and drives with his hand hurting the whole time, and wins the race.

-

Ida is already with Charles when Pierre walks into the room, Beatrice on his heels. Nobody says anything; Charles couldn't take it if anyone tried to speak.

His race trophy stands forgotten in the corner of the room as Pierre curls around him until all Charles can feel is Pierre. Beatrice is a heavy weight against his back; Ida scuffles until she is settled in Charles' t-shirt, her small body a little oasis of heat where Charles is so, so cold.

"I'm sorry," Pierre murmurs, and Charles doesn't want to hear it but he doesn't want Pierre to go away, ever. "I am so sorry, cher, I am sorry, I'm here, I have you, we have you."

Charles doesn't fall asleep that night, and it's not okay, but three warm bodies around him make it a bit easier to bear everything.

-

"Hello Beatrice, hello cher," Pierre says, and smirks, and looks so good and happy in Alpine's colours, Charles wants to kiss him.

Beatrice snorts. Charles always wants to kiss Pierre, that's not new.

"Hello Pierre." Beatrice inclines her head regally. "Where is Ida?"

Ida chooses that moment to scatter up Charles' leg, over his race-suit and up to his shoulder. Charles looks around warily, because daemons touching other people doesn't happen, it isn't something that happens outside strong bonds, and if the media got wind of this...

"Right where I belong," Ida squeaks, and Beatrice laughs, and Pierre almost blushes, and Charles does blush and pets her with one finger and tries not to beam too obviously, like a fool.

-

"We need to leave," Ida tells Charles and Beatrice as they wait for Pierre to be done with his briefing. Yuki's bear with the name Charles doesn't even know how to begin to pronounce isn't with them, so Beatrice is as relaxed as she ever gets in public.

Charles says nothing. Ida, much like Pierre, needs to be waited out to speak her mind.

"I don't care about loyalty anymore," she continues. "It's not about that. There is no loyalty there, and whatever he's clinging to, it's going to kill his spirit unless he stops. And I can't do it anymore."

Charles' phone pings.

From: Pierre

go on withiut me this will take a while

Ida hisses in anger. Beatrice coos at her, and Charles lowers himself down to the ground, and lets them both press against him, and waits for Pierre to be done.

-

"Be safe," Pierre says and pulls him into a hug. "And if at all possible, win."

"Always," Charles replies, and holds Pierre tight, and then goes out to drive the race of his life.

[cozymoko]

Hello OP ヾ(๑╹◡╹)ﾉ" I was super excited to see someone writing for AkaYona in 2023, it was such a dead fandom last I checked two years ago. I was reading your rules and it seems you exclusively write for yanderes? But I’ve seen you write non-yandere content too. So if it’s okay…maybe a platonic reader and Yoon who sees Yoon as her child and is fiercely protective? Bonus points if it makes Yoon cry because he remembers when he lost his mother and is unused to having someone care for him since he’s usually the one caring for the group? Sorry if this offensive, I’m rereading the manga and have a lot of feels

Note: Hi hi hi! I do not exclusively write for yanderes but it seems like those type of posts get the most interaction. I'll be sure to go back and make it more specific.

I never really liked Yoon so this might be a little strange to read. I read the manga years ago.

Pairing: Yoon x (platonic) Mother-figure! reader

Format: Headcanons

WARNING(S): slight angst

LINKS: Akatsuki no Yona Masterlist

You were only a couple of years older than YOON; less than eight to be precise, and it took very little time for the two of you to grow close. After the unfortunate passing of his mother nonetheless, you became his main source of support from there forward. And although similar in numerous ways, you were also differe nt.

It was hard for him to adjust to the idea of someone caring for him as much as you did. You reminded him of his mother in so many ways, it was comforting, to say the least. Not that he would admit it. He didn’t want to come across as weak or soft in front of others as the thought left his ears a font shade of pink. But as he expected, you did not care one bit

At times he finds your nagging to be such a pain, which is quite hypocritical on his behalf. But he never verbally complains, he wouldn't dare. You cared for him, deeply, and you were never scared of showing it. He's grateful for you even if he doesn't express it too often.

But once he gets attached, it's over. The two of you are inseparable, nearly spending every waking moment together.

You found yourself fixing his hair every morning, brushing through it with the utmost care. You’d make breakfast solely for him as he always forgot about himself whilst tending to the others. Your actions were brimming with affection, so much so that he could feel it with every touch. It made his heart swell with a foreign warmth that he hoped would stay forever.

The idea of calling you mom or mother isn't all that strange to him, and at times it comes as second nature. You entered his life at a very young age thus, he thinks of you as nothing more than a second parent.

He's grown pretty reliant on you in little time, though he'd never admit it. When seeking comfort or solutions he'd look for you. When annoyed and at his wits end with Yona and her dragons, you're always there to lend a helping hand and he's not opposed to it.

You are as protective as you are kind and his friends learned that the hard way. If they wouldn’t listen to Yoon, they sure as hell listened to you (strange sentence).

Your glares were deadly like a snake staring through its prey. You did not attempt to hide your protectiveness, there was no use. Seeing you practically seeth when Hak even slightly raised his voice at the young boy sent you spiraling out.

YOON was more than capable of taking care of himself, you were aware, but the thought of leaving weighted you with ineffable grief. You didn’t want to, you would never. He’s been hurt enough and you knew that your absence would crush him into pieces.

Restless nights had become scarce for him thanks to you. You never left his side, leaving him something — someone to wake up to. Occasionally, the two of you would take amongst yourselves as YOON was gradually lulled to sleep by the steady beating of your heart.

“You don't have to pretend in front of me, know?” Your voice was soft as you gently pat his head, swaying to the whispers of the ocean touching the salty coast. “I'll always be here for you Yoon, no matter what.”

You sit on the edge of a sharp peak, its warm surface faintly grazing the cold skin beneath your legs. A faint smile captured your lips as you gaze to your side. Yoon watched you, eyes wide, fingers coiled into tight fists; but not out of rage, oh no, but happiness rather.

“D...don't say embarrassing things like that, of course, you'll be here! Where would you go anyways? Hmph, you said you wouldn't leave me so I expect you to keep your promises!”