#and even then like...i understand it i see exactly WHY they did it and the though process there. it makes sense

[the-boy-meets-evil]

lost in the west | kmg

(where your best friend pretends to be your boyfriend for the holidays so you can avoid more nagging from your mother. except your whole family thought you were already dating)

pairing: mingyu x f!reader genre: fake dating (kind of), friends to lovers, holiday!au | fluff, smut, romance rating: explicit, minors do not interact word count: 18.1k warnings: eating, drinking, mentions of christmas and holiday celebrations, reference to mingyu being afraid of heights, some minor family dynamic issues, so much kissing, fingering, big dick!mingyu, sex (just plain old missionary), i think that's it

author's note: thank you to the amazing @camandemstudios studios for hosting the winter with you collab! it's been so fun to be part of (even if i forgot for a second that i had to include sunrise sledding, but we're ignoring that). i'm sorry this is a little late as a holiday fic but sometimes life happens and inspiration just doesn't want to strike. i'm not even going to say it's longer than i intended because that's just my brand atp. this is largely unedited.

author's note 2: i think there's going to be an epilogue but idk when that will be possible

tag list: @vitaminkyeom, @tinyelfperson, @dokyeomkyeom, @miriamxsworld, @hongrizon, @klecksstorys, @gyuminusone, @aaniag, @straykidswhoo789, @kimseokgen, @haolistic, @vanishingboots, @babybae-shisui, @harry-the-pottypus, @pyeonghongrie, @nuttywastelandmentality, @writingbarnes, @tomodachiii, @gyuhao365, @jjin-kun, @divinityyy, @dibidibidismynameisleeknow, @tinkerbell460, @aidanjoon, @cookiearmy, @kaepjjangiya (join my taglist here)

“You’re bringing your boyfriend back with you, aren’t you?” your mom asks, which makes you look sharply toward the phone. It’s on speaker because you’re in the middle of folding laundry. Your best friend also looks over towards your phone with a grimace, which makes you wish it wasn’t on speaker.

The thing is…you haven’t told your mom that your ex and you broke up about two months ago. Didn’t want to deal with all the sighing and interrogation while you’re rushing to finish end of the year deadlines at work. Somehow, you know it’ll be your fault. Never mind the fact that he cheated on you in your own apartment. But, that’s another story. Your mother will say something about how you shouldn’t be so picky and everyone makes mistakes. Say that sometimes it’s not your most attractive trait that you’re dedicated to your job. Say that you’re not getting any younger and remind you how many of your friends from school are already married or even having kids of their own. That’s one reminder you don’t really need. You see it every time you aimlessly scroll through your feed. Or when you open the mail and see another wedding invitation. 

You sigh. “Well, actually…” 

“Oh, don’t tell me,” your mother says with her own sigh. “You broke it off with this one, too?” 

“I’m not going to get into it with you,” you say, gentle but firm. 

“I don’t understand what could have made you break it off. You said he was like your best friend,” she reminds you. 

This earns an eye roll from one of your actual best friends, Mingyu. He takes over folding your clothes for you as something to do and as a way to speed up the whole process. 

“Well, he’s not and I don’t see any reality where I will forgive him for what he did to me. So, let’s move on,” you say. 

“Maybe that’s okay. You know, one of my friends has a son who’s single and I could just…” she starts.

“No, absolutely not,” you say. This causes Mingyu to stifle his laughter with a hand.

“I don’t understand what the harm in meeting him is. He seems very nice and you’re not exactly getting any younger,” she says. 

There it is. The conversation always somehow ends up at the same point. You’re not getting any younger. All your parents’ friends have been planning weddings and getting grandchildren. They all seem to understand the importance of building a family. Why do you have to be so focused on what’s wrong with every person you date? Why are you too wrapped up in work? Your parents constantly remind you how you seem too wrapped up in the city life to realize what you’re missing.

“I just don’t think…” you start but then trail off when Mingyu starts waving at you to get your attention. He’s pointing at himself and mouthing something you can’t understand.

“I know you don’t think, but just…” your mom starts and you mute yourself so you can figure out what your best friend wants.

“What, Mingyu?” you ask, sharper than you intend.

“Take me back with you for the holidays,” he says. 

“What?” you ask.

“Take me…” he starts.

“No, I heard you. What are you on about?” you ask. 

“You can just feed your mom some line. Tell her you and I just started dating. It doesn’t matter. Anything to just get her off your case,” he says.

“I’m not…what is wrong with you? I’m not going to just fake date you like some weird holiday movie,” you argue.

“Okay, first of all, rude. Those movies aren’t weird, they’re great. And second of all, what do you have to lose?  Your mom loves me and she’ll be thrilled to see me. I already know everyone that’ll be at the parties and dinners. My parents are out of the country visiting my sister and her new boyfriend for the holidays, so I was only going to my cousin’s as kind of a pity invite. It can’t possibly fail,” he says.

“There are a lot of ways it could fail, actually,” you point out.

“Wow, are you going to leave me stranded for the holidays? I’m already rethinking this relationship,” Mingyu says through a pout. “My own partner doesn’t even want to spend the holidays with me. Are you embarrassed to bring me around your family?”

“So what do you say?” comes your mom’s voice. You had been blocking it out while talking to Mingyu, yet it still catches your attention.

You quickly unmute yourself and look away from Mingyu. “I…actually can’t, Mom. I’m sort of seeing someone different, but it’s new so I wasn’t going to mention…” 

“Oh, you already found someone new, that’s wonderful!” she exclaims. 

You don’t have to look at Mingyu to know that he’s wearing a grin that’s entirely too satisfied. Even if he’s mostly kidding about being abandoned for Christmas, you know that it’s been bugging him that his parents decided to go abroad. You also know that he wouldn’t ever dream of inviting himself to tag long even if that’s what he wanted to do. He actually likes your family, sometimes more than you do. 

“I’ll have to ask him if he’s willing to come with me, but…” you try to say before your mother cuts you off again.

“Tell him it simply wouldn’t be the holidays without him. I can’t wait to meet him. Oh, I’m going to tell your father. We may manage to get you married after all,” she says in seemingly one breath.

“I still haven’t…” you try again without any luck.

“I can’t wait to see you both! Love you!” she says. 

“Love y-...” you say, but she’s already ended the call. 

“I guess I have holiday plans after all,” Mingyu says and you fight the urge to throw a pillow at him.

“This is a terrible idea. I can’t pretend we’re dating,” you say and crinkle your nose.

“Oh, wow, have I offended your high standards?” he asks. “Should I remind you of your last two relationships?”

You do throw the pillow at him this time. 

Despite all the questions from your parents about just who is coming home with you for the holidays, you insist that it needs to be a surprise. You definitely think that your parents will be surprised when they see Mingyu on their doorstep. Even though you only met Mingyu in college, the two of you have been nearly inseparable since then. He’s come with you to countless family events to keep you company, especially between other relationships. Your parents buy him Christmas presents every year and insist on video chatting with both of you on his birthdays. Your younger cousins ask when he’s going to be coming around again because they look up to him, both literally and figuratively. It’s kind of annoying sometimes because you wonder if they like him more than their own family member. But, you reason it away with them liking him for the same reasons that you do. He’s just so easy to be around, though they get more of his polite company attitude than you do. Around you, he’s much more relaxed and somehow more prone to pouting to get his way. 

More unfortunately, the pout always seems to work on you. You pretend to be annoyed with it (well, it’s not always pretending, actually), but you give in every time. Which is fine when it’s just the two of you. It’s less fine when other friends are around because they all have smug looks. Convinced that you and him are end game and neither of you realizes yet. The worst, though, is when he slips into the pout mode around your family and you have to deal with the looks from your family members. It’s all worth it to have someone to act as a buffer, even if you’ll never tell him as much. 

Before you get to that point of seeing your parents, you figure that you should stop by to see your childhood best friend first. Of course, he already knows the whole story with Mingyu and doesn’t seem entirely surprised. After all, he’s also known your mom nearly his whole life. Somehow you went from kids forced together when the parents hung out to adults that actually still genuinely love each other, which means he knows Mingyu well too. In his role as best friend, your current situation will not spare you from his teasing. That’s a role he’s happily embraced all your lives. 

The smirk on his face is present as soon as he sees you and Mingyu walk into the coffee shop. Mingyu hasn’t even spotted him while he unwinds his scarf and heads to the counter to order drinks. You say you’re going over to sit with your friend and only then does Mingyu notice you’re not the first ones here. 

“Hey Kwan, you good on your drink?” he calls.

“Yeah, thanks,” he calls back before his eyes turn on you like he’s got a secret. 

You make your way over to his table and try not to react to the look he’s giving you. Typical Seungkwan looking like he’s about to burst with the latest gossip. Even when he knows exactly why you have Mingyu with you and even said, over text, he gets why you agreed. Ugh. You know better than to think he’ll let you live for even a second. Sometimes you think you need better friends.

“Has he gotten taller?” Seungkwan asks, casting his eyes over at your other friend. 

“No, but for real,” you say with a laugh. “I swear, I see him constantly and I still feel like he’s getting taller.”

“Constantly, huh?” Seungkwan asks, raising an eyebrow.

“We’re best friends,” you say with a sigh.

“And what am I?” he asks. 

“Also my best friend. There’s no rule on having only one,” you repeat for what feels like the hundredth time. 

“Are you nervous to head back to your parents’ house?” he asks, entirely switching approaches. 

It’s not your first rodeo, though. “Why should I be? They like Mingyu, at least, so there won’t be any of the awkwardness beyond explaining that we’re dating now.” 

“Which probably isn’t going to come as a surprise to them,” Seungkwan says. 

“I mean, why wouldn’t it be a surprise?” you ask before you clock the look on his face. “Oh, don’t tell me this is more of that bullshit about how often I bring him around. You know my family is insufferable if I have to deal with them alone.” 

“No, I just know for a fact that they’ve wondered if you were dating him before,” Seungkwan says as Mingyu finally joins you with two coffees in hand.

“That would mean she would need to have good enough taste to date someone as great as me,” he says when he sets your coffee in front of you.

“I’m so torn,” Seungkwan admits. “I could insult her taste in relationships, which, love you babe, but really? Or I could insult you as not really being any better than anyone she’s dated.”

“That one gets us both, though?” you point out, only a little offended.

“Option two it is,” Seungkwan agrees. 

“Okay, enough of that. Fill me in on everything before I have to walk into the lion’s den,” you say. 

It’s always the same when you catch up with Seungkwan. He’s thriving even though he chose not to leave the area where you grew up. It’s not that big of an area, but he’s found opportunities. You just found those opportunities a little further away. Just far enough away that your mother can’t easily pop by unannounced. That lead time before she shows up is usually enough that you can mentally prepare. 

Seungkwan, for his part, really does brighten up the entire space, when he’s not being a demon. He’s got that kind of shine that can’t even be dulled by staying in the same general area as his family. He’s also better at setting boundaries, which he gently reminds you again. He doesn’t need the space and preparation time of his family showing up at his place unannounced because they all know that’s not allowed. It’s not that you’re a pushover, it’s just that it feels different. Even your parents seem to respect Seungkwan more than you at times. You try not to let the cynicism of being a woman seep into those feelings. But, it’s hard. Harder still when Seungkwan gives you the sympathetic look like he wants to agree and knows it won’t really help anything. He’s always been that special brand of ally. The one that actually does want to help and understands the inherent privilege.

Unfortunately, Seungkwan and his family won’t be coming to the events that your parents have planned for the next week, though they’re always invited. They wanted to do something more focused on their family instead. It probably seems like something over the top to anyone on the outside. To you, it just seems normal. This is how your parents always handle the holidays and most events seem to take place at their house. 

All too soon, Seungkwan says that he needs to get back to something and reminds you that you can’t put off going home any longer. You’re already getting dangerously close to what your mother considers late. It’s probably not the best idea to test her patience before the week even starts. 

Mingyu takes care of getting you over to your parents house. Maybe fake dating him for a week won’t be so bad when he takes care of driving without asking and doesn’t even need an address. Since he also already knows your entire family, he doesn’t need help with getting gifts to bring with him. That includes both something to give them when you get there as well as actual Christmas gifts. You remember telling him that wasn’t necessary and remember the look of horror on his face when he asked what kind of fake boyfriend he would be if he forgot. Despite the weirdness of the situation, you also find yourself far more at peace than the last time you brought an actual partner home like this. Mingyu has seen you through a lot of ups and downs. Knows when to be serious and when to crack a little joke to break the tension, even if it’s something only for your ears. 

That all disappears as soon as your mother greets you at the door with a look of genuine surprise on her face. 

“Surprise,” you say. It seems a little redundant because she seems shocked. “You, uh, you remember Mingyu, right?” 

“Of course, of course, come in out of the cold,” she says, recovering quickly as she steps out of the way. “Let me get your coats.”

“I know this is probably a bit of a surprise,” you start.

“It definitely is,” she agrees as she takes Mingyu’s and your coats. “Your father is just in the family room.”

“I figured it would be a good surprise,” you offer as you start to follow her into the house. 

“No, of course it is. We adore Mingyu, you know that,” she says with a soft smile for Mingyu. She’s always loved him. “We just, well, we thought you and him had broken up…”

“Broken…what?” you ask, your own shock now matching your mother’s as you come to a complete halt. 

Mingyu seems to just stay quiet through this entire exchange. You’re wondering why until you look over at him to see that he’s barely containing his laughter. Of course he would find this whole thing funny. Maybe he believes Seungkwan that your parents have wondered if you were dating him. Or maybe he’s just quicker on the uptake. Whatever it, it would be annoying if your brain wasn’t working overtime to try and catch up.

“Yes, you said you’d broken up with a boyfriend. Your father and I realized we hadn’t actually met the last person you dated and we just assumed, since you only mention Mingyu. Well, you said he was like your best friend and we knew it wasn’t Seungkwan. Mingyu only made sense,,” your mother says with a shrug. 

“Mingyu! What are you doing here?” your father asks, rising from his seat to shake your best friend’s hand. 

“Dating our daughter, apparently,” your mother says with a skeptical look. 

“Oh, good! I’m glad you kids worked it out,” he says. 

“Did…everyone just think I was dating…?” you start to ask, looking confusedly between your parents. “Mom, Dad, I was not dating Mingyu. We were only…”

“Friends?” your mother supplies through her heavy tone of disbelief. 

“Yes,” you say, eyes wide and desperate looking to Mingyu for support.

“We really were just friends,” Mingyu says. “I mean, I guess not just friends. But, seeing her go through another heartbreak just made me realize that I didn’t want to see her go through something like that again. I guess it just made me realize how much I do care about her. So, I finally said something.” 

There’s a lot that you can count on Mingyu for. Driving, having an endless supply of oversized hoodies to steal, a stocked kitchen, the best meals of your life, 2 am chats, support through break ups, hating the same people, being scared of his own shadow, a perpetual golden retriever energy, endless loyalty, and the list goes on. Something you never expect to count on Mingyu for, though? The lie that spills so easily from his lips to try and get your parents off your case. Sure, he knows just how much you struggle with your relationship with them. This is different, though. The lie sounds so sincere and his face looks so soft when he glances over at you. 

“You know, it’s okay if you just got back together,” your mother says, looking between the two of you. 

“Oh my god, that’s not what happened!” you say, throwing your hands up. 

“Of course, dear, of course,” your father says. 

“I should go take our suitcases upstairs. Am I just in the normal guest room?” he asks. 

It’s both a deflection from the conversation and a valid question all rolled into one. Whatever the case, it does work for long enough to have your mother refocus her attention on Mingyu to answer. That gives you at least a second to catch your breath. Bringing Mingyu was supposed to give you a break from your parents. And it will, you think, but it’s also bringing up a lot that you hadn’t planned on. You wonder what Seungkwan will say when you tell him about the reception. Probably that he told you so.

“Oh, no dear. We planned to have you stay in our daughter’s old room with her,” your mother says.

Great. Now you’re in an entirely new spiral because, what? She has you and Mingyu staying in the same room where there is only one bed? You can’t remember the last time she was this relaxed with a partner you brought home, which brings up even more questions. Has this really been the plan? Or is only the plan now because of how much they like him? Is this just another way for them to try and nudge you into marriage?

“But, mom…” you start to protest.

“We’ve got a full house with family, dear,” she says as an explanation. 

“I know where it is, I’ll just take the stuff up,” Mingyu offers.

“I can help,” you say as a way to get out of this whole thing and to talk to your friend.

“Pretty sure I’m strong enough to get some luggage upstairs,” he jokes and you roll your eyes.

“Why don’t you go up with him anyway? Then you can freshen up before dinner,” your mother says with a poorly disguised look at your slightly wrinkled clothing. 

Mingyu insists on carrying the bigger suitcases upstairs on his own, but you grab the smaller bags you had in the car with you. Well, except for his backpack that he also stubbornly carries. You don’t need a personal demonstration, you already know that he’s strong. You also don’t need to hear your mother talking about how nice it is to have such a polite young man around like he hasn’t been around a million times before. Once you’re inside the room and behind a closed door, you round on your friend.

“What the hell was that?” you ask.

“Your mom actually letting you and a boyfriend stay in the same room? I don’t know. It’s crazy, right?” he asks.

“Not that, what was with you?” you ask. 

“What do you mean?” he returns, looking up from his suitcase where he had been getting ready to unpack. 

“That whole answer you gave my mom,” you say and he looks almost pitying.

“I have to make it believable, don’t I?” he asks like it’s the simplest thing in the world. “Otherwise, she won’t buy it and she’s going to try to set you up.”

“I guess that makes sense,” you concede. 

“Kind of wild that they thought we’d been dating, though,” he adds on.

“Yeah, what was that?” you ask with more force than you mean. 

He only shrugs. “I don’t know, they’re your parents.” 

“Seungkwan said the same thing,” you remind him. 

“About people thinking we’re dating?” he asks, eyes back on his suitcase.

“Yeah,” you say.

He only chuckles before he looks up. “Come on, that’s not the first time either. How many of our friends have thought the same thing?”

“They’re just fucking with us,” you disagree.

“And my ex?” he asks with a raised eyebrow. 

“Okay, well in my defense, she was insane. The whole idea that people of the opposite sex can’t be friends is an insane take,” you say.

“Yeah, I’m not exactly upset to be rid of her,” he agrees.

“Come on. We better hurry up and get back downstairs,” you say.

The rest of the day is somehow just as weird, but also comforting. As the rest of the family starts arriving, either to stay or just for dinner, you find out that most of your family thinks you’ve been dating Mingyu. Or that it was him that you broke up with and are now back together with. It’s hard to tell if it’s something coming from your parents or just a general vibe that the two of you give off. You can at least acknowledge that you didn’t talk about your last relationship much with your family. Hindsight is always clearer, but you still think you knew something was off in that relationship the whole time. Knew that he wasn’t destined to go the distance. Maybe that’s why the break up didn’t hurt that bad. Honestly, the worst part was thinking of facing your family alone for Christmas.

Mingyu saves you from that as he’s saved you countless times before. 

That brings you to the more comforting part of the evening. You can’t tell if any of your family members actually buy that this is a new relationship. At least, none of them seem to think it’s fake. You can probably put up with it if they just think you’re lying about when you actually got together. That makes it all feel much easier. Then, there’s the fact that your entire family loves Mingyu. It’s the first time you can remember joining the dinner to kick off the family Christmas festivities in years. Your family takes the holidays very seriously and it’s Mingyu’s first time experiencing it like this. Yet, he slots right in with everything. 

It also feels like he’s thought through this whole fake relationship in ways you didn’t. Sure, you talked about some of the ins and outs since this isn’t just a quick overnight trip. But, mostly, you just decide it’s easiest to keep it as close to the truth as possible. The friendship is so deep that there’s genuine love there. You don’t have to fake that. What you did not consider is physical affection. You’re not the kind of person that drapes yourself all over a partner, never have been. There’s a moment where you worry, as you watch your cousin and her fiancé, that you and Mingyu could be found out for not showing enough affection. 

A few minutes later, you’re wishing he would be less affectionate. And you’re not even sure why you worried. The first thing you really learned about Mingyu was that he was incredibly physically affectionate. Tight hugs, random hand holding, an arm around your shoulder, a hand on your arm or leg. It’s all just par for the course with him. It’s gotten even more obvious now that he’s pretending to date you. It seems so innocuous, too. He’s got his hand on your thigh, giving the occasional squeeze, while he’s talking to someone else. He randomly plants a kiss on your temple. He leans over to whisper something to you on the pretense of being close and usually it’s nothing. You don’t even realize that it has most of your family giving each other knowing looks. Like they’re still not convinced you hadn’t been dating before. 

By the time it’s late enough to go upstairs, you’re more than ready to have time away from your family. Every time you think that you’re social, your family is there to humble you. Or maybe it’s just that being around them is too draining. In any case, you and Mingyu head upstairs together. Thankfully, your parents house is big enough that it feels like there’s a little bit of privacy in your old bedroom. 

“So, how’s this going to work?” Mingyu asks, glancing at the bed and then into the attached bathroom. 

Okay, so maybe, even with how big the house is, you haven’t fully considered everything. You’re not really sure what to do. It shouldn’t be weird. You and Mingyu have shared a bed before. This just somehow feels intimate when your entire family thinks you’re sharing because you’re in a relationship and don’t know this is all pretend so you can have a little bit of peace for the holidays. Your gift to yourself. Shaking it all off, you turn to Mingyu.

“I mean, we’ve shared before. It’ll be fine,” you say. 

“So are we not gonna talk about the last time we shared?” he asks with an eyebrow raised.

Racking your brain, you can’t really think of anything that would make him say that. Had something awkward happened? Did one of you do something that you should really remember? Just as you’re about to go into a full blown spiral, you feel Mingyu appear before you. He reaches out to smooth out the line between your eyebrows.

“Don’t hurt yourself there,” he says with a laugh. “You whined about me taking up too much space.” 

“Oh my god,” you say and swat at him. “It was a tiny bed and you took up the entire thing! You can’t do this to me when I’m already wound tight over my family.” 

“Sorry,” he says and throws up his hands. The sparkle in his eyes says that he’s anything but. 

“I’m going to change and then start my skincare routine,” you say as you move to grab something to wear to bed. 

Without even asking if you’re dressed, Mingyu comes into the bathroom to start doing his own skincare routine while you’re in there. He’s already changed into a t-shirt and shorts, which you know is more than he normally wears to bed. It’s somehow peaceful to go through your routines in silence like this. You consider that it might be in part because it forces him to be quiet. Not that you usually mind his chatter, it’s just that your brain is already tired from one night dealing with your family. You can’t imagine how the rest of the days are going to go and are thankful for the downtime when you’ll be able to get out of the house to do things. 

Once you’re back in the bedroom, you both finish off all the little things you need to do. You plug in your phone after checking for any important notifications, grab the TV remote to fling it over to Mingyu, and slide under the covers. Usually you just kind of scroll before going to sleep or sometimes you’ll read. But, you think it might be weird to do those things when you’re sharing a bed with someone else.

“Do I need to make a pillow wall or something?” he asks as he’s flipping through to find something to watch.

Your head whips to the side to look at him. Even though it’s only his profile, you can see that he’s smirking. Purposefully not looking at you because he knows it’ll break the little composure he has. To deal with that, you whack him with a pillow. 

“Just don’t drape your entire body over me,” you say.

“Why?” he asks and does turn to look at you now, wiggling his eyebrows. “Afraid it’ll be too close?”

“No, you fucking goober, you’re just heavy,” you say through a genuine laugh.

“How is this relationship ever going to work if we’re calling each other names?” he says, pretending to be heartbroken. 

“Same way it has for like 8 years,” you joke back with a soft smile. 

“Are you saying you love me?” he asks, hand on his heart. This is one of your favorite things about your friendship with Mingyu because he’s so dramatic that it takes your mind off everything else.

“I don’t know, I’m rethinking it,” you say and turn back to the TV. 

“I love you too, you know,” he says, voice soft enough to make you turn back to him.

“I know, Gyu. I don’t think anyone else would put themselves through this for me, so thank you,” you say honestly. 

He just shrugs and goes back to a lighter place. “Well, I didn’t have good holiday plans and who can say no to this level of entertainment?” 

The next day actually gives you time to catch up with some of your family members more personally instead of everything being such big conversations. That’s especially true for your cousin, Mimi, who’s only two years younger than you and has always been your favorite of your cousins. Even if you go months without seeing each other, it always feels like no time passes. There’s just a level of closeness and understanding between the two of you. You can complain about your mothers since they’re sisters and honestly the same person, just in a different font. It’s easy to be on the same page about things as well. 

You’re actually a little surprised to see that she’s here alone, even though you know she recently got out of a bad relationship. Somehow, it seems her mom is more understanding than your own. She was also much more honest about how the relationship fell apart after 3 years and her mom is sympathetic about it. When she says it like that, you understand. Your last few relationships have all been measured in months rather than years. 

“You’re not, like, actually dating Mingyu though, are you?” she asks quietly when it’s just the two of you.

“Mimi,” you hiss and look around.

“We’re alone,” she assures you with a wave of her hand. “So, spill.”

“No,” you say hesitantly. “Why?”

“I’m just curious,” she says unconvincingly. 

“He was with me when my mom was bugging me about the holidays and bringing someone with me. Then she was going to set me up, so he just offered…” you start.

“He was the one who suggested it?” she asks, far more curious than she should be. 

“Yeah,” you say simply. “Again, why?”

She shrugs. “I don’t know. I’ve just always thought he was cute and I was wondering if he’s actually single.” 

“You cannot hit on Mingyu,” you whisper through gritted teeth. She gives you a look you can’t place before brushing it off.

“Oh, I’m not saying I would. It’s just good to know I could,” she says.

“You can’t,” you remind her. “Everyone thinks we’re dating.” 

“Don’t worry, I wouldn’t do it anywhere anyone else could see,” she teases. 

Of course, another of our cousins picks that moment to join you, so you can’t further chastise Mimi. It irritates you all the same though. How does she think it’s just fine to do something like that when you’re supposed to be in a fake relationship? Could she not just wait to hit on him until the rest of your family wasn’t watching with too much attention? 

Normally, Mimi is a respite from the rest of your family. She’s one of the few people that you’re always completely honest with. Now, she’s taken that away. You try to go about the rest of the day with her knowing that the relationship is fake and she seems like she’s trying her best to get under your skin. Every part of you wants to stop her from chatting so much to Mingyu and you can’t. It would seem weird when everyone knows that you and your cousin are close. Weirder still when she always knows Mingyu relatively well from every other time he’s been to some family event. 

When you excuse yourself up to your bedroom for a second away from your parents and their incessant hint dropping, Mingyu slips into the room just after you. Which is odd, considering you had not even seen him also slip away. The second odd thing comes when you look at his face. He looks more serious than usual, more tired. It doesn’t fully make sense because he’s incredibly social. Loves to be around people in the way all true extroverts do. Something must be wrong.

“Can I talk to you?” he asks after closing the door.

“You don’t ever have to ask,” you say with clear apprehension. 

“Did you tell Mimi we weren’t actually dating?” he asks, still looking at you in a way you can’t place.

You exhale, thinking it’ll be nothing. “Oh, that, yeah. I’m sorry I didn’t mention it to you, I just…”

“Did you also tell her that I’m very single and she should go ahead and shoot her shot?” he asks and you stop short hearing that.

“I - what?” you ask.

“She just kind of cornered me and was laying it on super thick, but she said it was fine because she knows we’re not really dating and that you’d encouraged her to…” he starts and you immediately cut him off.

“What the actual fuck, Mimi?” you say in frustration. 

“I mean, if you want me to…” he tries to start again, looking a little like a lost or kicked puppy. It makes you immediately close the space between you and him. 

“Gyu, no. I did tell her that we weren’t actually dating, but I absolutely did not tell her it was okay to do any of that, let alone encourage it,” you say. 

“So you don’t want me to flirt back?” he asks. He’s still looking Too Serious when he says it and you’re not really sure how to feel.

“Since we’re supposed to be dating, I’d prefer you didn’t. But, if you think she’s pretty it’s not like I can stop you,” you say noncommittally. 

“Of course I think she’s pretty. You and your whole family are pretty. It’s like something in a TV show or some shit,” he says and this is a Mingyu you recognize because he’s rolling his eyes. 

“Oh yeah, says the guy who looks like that,” you say and vaguely gesture at him.

“I…did you just compliment me?” he asks, totally off track from wherever he was going.

“That depends, did you compliment me first?” you deflect. 

“You’re such a shithead,” he grumbles and you tsk at him.

“Now, now sweetheart, should we really be name calling?” you tease.

He fixes you with his attempt at an unimpressed stare, but he’s nowhere near as good at it as you are. Like every other time, he relents first. “I’ve probably told you how beautiful you are hundreds of times in our friendship.” 

“Which I’ve always returned,” you lie.

“Be so for real. I have to pull most compliments out of you,” he says through a snort. When you open your mouth to protest, he cuts you off. “Most compliments that are not about my cooking, I should say.”

“People fall all over you,” you say with a good natured eye roll of your own. “Do you really need to hear me also say you could easily be a model?”

“Doesn’t hurt,” he mumbles through a pout.

“Oh, beautiful Mingyu,” you start, taking on the silliest voice you can muster. “You’re so pretty that I could cry. Your face breaks hearts every day, your smile lights up the room, your hair…”

“Okay, okay, enough,” he says even though he looks pleased.

“I cannot believe Mimi, though,” you say.

“I’m glad you’re not trying to push us together,” he admits.

“Why? Not interested?” you tease.

He answers seriously, though. “No. She’s pretty, sure, but no, I’m definitely not interested, even if I wasn’t pretending to date you.” 

That honest answer strikes something in you. Not that honesty is unusual between the two of you. It just feels like there’s also an element of vulnerability in the response as well. Like he’s saying something that you just can’t quite decipher. You just brush aside for now, though, since there’s nothing else you really can do. 

Mingyu, as it turns out, has one winter time tradition that he’s always wanted to try and never had the chance to do: sledding. He’s never lived in any place where it’s snowy enough or there’s enough free space. But, up here in the relative mountains where your parents live, sledding is a way of life. It’s something you’ve done countless times growing up with friends or family. Part of you is even a little thankful that he wants to do it, too. It’s been years since you’ve gone sledding and getting to see his face when you go for the first time feels special. Feels like something that’s just for you. 

Which is why you’re up before the sun. 

Last night, when you talked about sledding and getting an early start, Mingyu was on board. Now that it’s time to actually get up, you can see it written all over his face that he’s regretting every decision that’s ever led him to this moment. Like the true best friend that he is, though, he’s keeping the actual grumbling to a minimum. You’re not sure why you’re not also grumbling. You’re not a morning person. But, you’ve never gone sledding at sunrise either and something about it just seems like it’ll be magical. Like it really will make it an entirely new experience for you and him to share. 

The house is quiet as you grab the bag of snow pants and winter jackets that you packed the night before from the closet in the entryway. Everything feels so peaceful in the house and just as still when you leave. Like even the soft sound of the door is too much while the whole world sleeps. You can hear the slight crunch under your feet as you trudge over to Mingyu’s car and take care not to be too loud getting in. Thank him again for driving when you know it’s way earlier than he wants to be awake. All he does is smile like there’s nowhere else in the world he would rather be. 

The drive to the hill where you’re going to sled is quick and also tranquil. Even the music is soft like Mingyu is afraid of disrupting the peace. Or maybe you’re both just appreciating something different than the normal bustle of life in a city. It’s never this kind of quiet there and there’s something kind of beautiful about it. Even the parking lot is empty when you get to the small hill that you used to sled down as a kid. You’ve never seen it empty before. Then again, you’ve never been before the sun rose, either. Mingyu takes care to unload the sleds before you both bundle up. It’s not terribly cold, but you make him put on the waterproof gear anyway. 

He stops at the bottom of the hill and looks towards the top. “We’re going all the way up there?” 

You can hear a little bit of nerves in his voice. Mingyu has never been a fan of heights. This isn’t that high, though, and you nudge him playfully. Well, it doesn’t seem high to you. “I think you can manage. Come on.” 

Climbing up to the top is always your least favorite part because it uses the most energy. Not that you mind the activity, it’s just a lot of work for a relatively short ride back down the hill on the sled. At least this hill has stairs built into the slope off to the side to help you. Once you’re at the top, you plop down with Mingyu right beside you. It’s less about catching your breath and more about appreciating the view. It seems like you can see for miles even though you’re not that high up. The sun starts to rise and you know it’s all worth it. All the shades of orange and pink stretch across the horizon as the sun makes its way over the distant mountains. There aren’t any words that come to mind to really capture how beautiful it is. The colors are more vibrant against the white of the snow all around you. Everything feels magnified in the quiet space. All either of you can do is utter out a soft wow to express your awe. 

And then the quiet really is broken.

“Okay you expect me to slide down that on a piece of plastic?” he asks with a hint of panic in his voice. 

You follow his gaze and look down the hill, because it really is only a hill. Not anything crazy. It always looks a little more intimidating from the top, but it isn’t anything all that high. 

“Oh come on you giant baby,” you tease and nudge him. “We got all the way up here, how else are you going to get down?” 

“Walk back down the stairs they so nicely provided?” he offers. 

“That’s crazy,” you say.

“I’m afraid of heights!” he shouts, more panic in his voice. 

“I know, Gyu,” you say, instantly softening as you approach him to put your hand on his arm. 

“I didn’t really think this through,” he admits.

“Why did you agree to sledding down a hill?” you ask, genuinely curious. 

He’s quiet for a moment as he looks out over vista before him. You watch as a calm comes back over him. The kind of calm that can only come from a setting as pretty as this one. Watch him take a couple steadying breaths. Even though you’ve been friends with Mingyu for years, you’ve never really seen his fear of heights firsthand. Couldn’t have imagined it would kick in for something as seemingly innocuous as a small sledding hill. Though, admittedly, it is a pretty decent size. It’s definitely not just the kind of hill people sled down in their backyards or local parks. 

“Because I wanted to try sledding and do something new. And this hill seemed important to you,” he says like it’s the most obvious thing in the world. “I’m not going to say no to something you ask me to do when you get that look in your eyes.”

“What look?” you ask to avoid considering a deeper meaning to his words.

“I don’t know. You get all starry eyed,” he says with a shrug. 

“How about this? We can go down together and check it off the list. You don’t have to sled again,” you offer. 

“We came all the way out here,” he says, unsure.

“And I got to see the prettiest sunrise of my life with my best friend beside me,” you say easily.

“Okay, okay. I can at least try,” he says.

You get up and send the smaller of the sleds down the hill without anyone on it in case you really only take the one ride. It would be a hassle to have to come back up and get it. Then, you position yourself on the bigger sled that’s meant for two people (or three kids sometimes when you were younger). Once you’re in place, you motion for Mingyu to settle in behind you. Point out where he can put his legs on either side of you, which already feels closer than normal even with how affectionate Mingyu can be. You adjust so that your back is pressed against his chest. It’s about the right balance to the sled so that you’re less likely to topple over on the way down. Mingyu has to crowd into your space to wrap his arms around your middle because he’s bigger than you are, something you hadn’t considered when suggesting this. You can almost tell that he’s considering burying his face in your hair, but stops short.

At least, until you push over the edge with a combination of wiggling and using your hands to push your forward. That’s when he buries his face. Then, you’re slowly picking up speed as you slide down the completely untouched snow. It’s always best like this, in your opinion. Before there are lanes carved into the snow. Yes, those lanes pack the snow down and can make you go faster, but you can also catch an edge and topple over more easily. 

None of that is really on your mind once you start descending though. All you can think of is the way Mingyu’s body feels pressed against yours. How it’s very foreign but also very comforting. How you can understand why your whole family so easily believes that you’re together. The comfort is effortless, something you don’t ever think about. It just exists. You focus on how funny it is to have this giant of a man wrapped around you like a koala with his head buried in your hair now because he’s nervous. You don’t even consider any other way that it might make you feel. When you let out a squeal of delight as the sled picks up more speed, you feel, rather than hear, him grumble by the tickle of his breath in your hair. It only makes him cling more tightly to you. 

It’s almost disappointing when you feel the sled level out at the bottom of the hill and slow down. It’s been the perfect way to relive one of the parts of your childhood that you loved the most. Getting to do silly little things like this really was one of the best parts of winter. You’re fully stopped before you realize that Mingyu is still clinging to you with everything he has. So, you carefully place a hand over his and feel him untense the tiniest bit.

“It’s okay, we made it to the bottom in one piece.” 

Slowly, he loosens his grip on you and actually looks up. Again, you feel this rather than seeing it. You feel the absence of his body heat and only then realize just how tightly he was clinging to you. Mingyu pulls his face out of your hair and seems to look around, as if testing that you’re really at the bottom of the hill. Like he’s not sure it’s over that quickly. 

“That wasn’t so bad.”

“No, it was a lot of fun.” 

“Do you think…could we maybe go again?” 

Both of you are standing up again now and it makes you whip your head around to look at him because you can’t believe this scaredy cat actually wants to go down again after how much it took to get him down the first time. His face is hopeful, though, and you’re not about to start saying no to that face now. Not when you never have before. So you match his smile. 

“On one condition,” you finally say. Mingyu only looks at you like he’s waiting for you to continue. “You have to actually keep your eyes open this time.” 

“You don’t know I had my eyes closed,” he insists with a pout.

“Gyu, your face was in my hair,” you say through a laugh.

“Okay, fine. Eyes open. But, I have my own condition, too,” he fires back, still kind of pouting. 

“Yes?”

“I want to ride together again.” 

It’s easy to agree to that. Even though you don’t say it out loud, it’s kind of fun riding with him, especially when the hill is so untouched. He’s tall and muscular, very helpful when it comes to carving a path and also picking up speed. He adds to the momentum and you like going faster. You don’t consider telling him that he wouldn’t go quite as fast without you because you would be losing on as well. It’s not a bad deal for either of you, really. Mingyu gets to work a little on a fear of heights on something much more manageable and you get to live out your best sled dreams. 

Each run gets a little bit easier. Mingyu holds up his end of the bargain and actually opens his eyes, which is more entertaining to you than it probably should be as he curses all the way down that first run. But, he keeps wanting to go and you’re not going to stop him. Don’t realize that maybe he also keeps going because he loves to see the way your face lights up each run. Neither of you makes an effort to get the other sled again either. 

By the time the sun is fully risen, yours and Mingyu’s cheeks are rosy from the cold. And also from the way you’ve taken to running back up the steps to the top like kids. You have to admit, even if it means he’ll get a big head, this is the most fun you’ve had in your hometown during the holidays in a long time. Honestly, it might actually be the most fun you’ve had anywhere in a while. It’s nice to get back to something simpler without worrying about anything else. Life can get busy back in the city between work and chores and endless responsibility. Sometimes it’s nice to just take a break from it all. Remember that there are more important things than just working all the time or being stressed about things you can’t really control. Maybe there’s something to simplifying life a bit. 

Now that the sun is rising, it’s a more acceptable time for people to be out and about themselves. Kids can convince their parents to take them sledding as well. At the first sign of people approaching, you and Mingyu agree that it should be your last run. You’re starting to get a little tired and you know it’ll get loud. You don’t mind having the kids around, you just know it gets harder to avoid everyone and you have to wait longer between each run. Besides, you planned something post sledding as well. It catches you off guard that he actually seems a little sad to be leaving. 

That is, until you take him to this little hole in the wall of a breakfast place. It’s something new because you’re not usually in this area when he comes with you to family events. Not that it’s far, it’s just a few towns over and there are closer places. Until winter comes around again and the elderly couple that runs the place roll out their secret recipe for hot cocoa. Honestly, you could probably just drink that without even ordering anything to eat and be the happiest person in the world. The food is amazing too, though, and you didn’t eat before leaving to go sledding. You and Mingyu order a few things to share and laugh all the way through it, talking about sledding and the trip so far.

“Thanks for this,” he says as breakfast is winding up.

You’re a little surprised at both his words and the gentleness of his tone. “For what?”

“Taking me sledding like this. That sunrise was amazing and I, well, I guess I didn’t think I’d have as much fun as I did,” he admits, a little more shy than you’re used to.

“I’m glad you trusted me,” you say and can’t quite place the look he gives you.

“I think I’d trust you with just about anything.” 

The day before Christmas is always the same. By then, you’re in desperate need of a break from your family and you think they may be in need of a break from you as well. So, each year you get together with Seungkwan and some of your other friends that still live in the area. Anyone with a partner brings them along and you have a nice, boozy brunch. This year, Seungkwan is hosting because his place is spacious and the group seems a little bigger. It’s also nice to get to really spend some time at his place since he’s only been there a few months. 

Typically, a few people in the friend group will bring over some pre-made things to warm up the next day as well as everyone bringing whatever they want to drink and share. That’s the same for this year with a slight change. Mingyu, once he sees the kitchen, says that he just has to make some food as well. After taking an inventory, he heads back out to buy more things that he needs, ignoring any of your protests and only agreeing to take your card so you can sort out the cost with your friends. (You’re not going to do that because you don’t mind just covering it, but you don’t want him to cover it either.)

When he gets back, he immediately goes into the kitchen and your friend Vernon’s girlfriend offers to help. She drags Seungkwan’s sister, who doesn’t usually come around, with her as well. Mingyu only leaves the kitchen long enough to bring you one of the mimosas that he made, insisting there’s a special ingredient. Then, it’s back to fully focusing on the food. Not that you really mind. It’s nice to just be in a low stress environment with your friends to catch up, have some drinks, and laugh a lot. 

Vernon, after looking around to make sure nobody else is listening, shows you and Seungkwan the ring he’s been walking around with for the past few weeks. Apparently, he’s finally settled that he’s going to propose to his girlfriend tomorrow on Christmas Day. You’re thrilled because they’ve been together forever and she already feels like family. Seungkwan nearly bursts into tears, which you have to quickly cover so nobody realizes what’s happening. You love that your best friend is like that. It’s just not the time if you want to keep it a secret that Vernon wants to propose. 

It also feels nice to be in a group where you don’t have to pretend. Nothing changes all that much for how you and Mingyu are together because he’s always affectionate with you. But, you get to trade any of the not-so-subtle comments about when you’re going to get married to the relentless teasing about how he passes as your boyfriend so easily. It’s nice to have someone joking about it and you find you don’t even mind. Especially when Mingyu chimes in with his own little comments from the kitchen. There seems like there’s a lot of laughter in there as well. 

“You’re going to have to dress him better if he’s going to keep posing as your boyfriend,” Seungkwan jokes and you look over at the kitchen. 

Mingyu is wearing this kind of awful green zip up sweater. It’s not even that nice, soft material. But, he insisted on wearing it because he wanted to wear something with Christmas colors and it was the only thing he had apart from his outfit for tomorrow. It makes you roll your eyes again remembering it.

“I know,” you sigh. “Usually he dresses so well and then there’s that.” 

Your eyes drift back over to him in the kitchen again and you kind of wish you hadn’t looked back. You catch him as something falls off a spoon he’s using to taste test and onto his skin. And, without seeming to think about it, he sucks it off his hand. Then, licks along his finger for good measure. It makes your heart stutter a little in a way that’s completely foreign to you. Why are you so entirely transfixed by someone who’s supposed to be your best friend and fake boyfriend doing that?

“Hey, you good?” Seungkwan asks, snapping in front of your eyes.

You shake your head to clear it before turning back to him. “Yeah, sorry, zoned out for a second.”

“Uh huh,” he says skeptically, but you catch his eyes darting over to Mingyu. 

“Don’t,” you warn him, causing him to throw his hands up in defense. 

“I won’t,” he says. “But, if you decide you want to talk about it…”

“Talk about what?” Mingyu asks. You hadn’t even seen him leave the kitchen. 

“The issue she’s having with Mimi,” Seungkwan lies quickly. 

Mingyu rolls his eyes. “She won’t leave me alone.” 

“And that seems to be driving both of you crazy,” Seungkwan observes. 

“Well, yeah, our bestie is just being a good friend and she knows I’m uncomfortable,” Mingyu says before you can answer. Is that all it is? For the first time, you’re not sure.

“I’m not sure how I feel about sharing a best friend,” Seungkwan says with feigned distaste.

Mingyu tries to give The Look again, but fails even worse than with you. Nobody can outdo Seungkwan and so he gives up. “Food is ready.” 

“Oh good, I’m starving,” Vernon interrupts. 

The rest of brunch goes by without Seungkwan making any other comments. To you, at least. You don’t see him sit down next to Mingyu after the food is done like it’s casual and unplanned. Nothing that man ever does is either of those things, though. What you do notice is how easily he fits into this group of friends. Sure, he knows Seungkwan pretty well and he’s met nearly everyone there. But, he doesn’t get to spend much time around them. Not really, in the grand scheme of things. It isn’t really surprising, if you think about it, because they’re all close friends of yours and he tends to think you have good taste where friends are concerned.

It is a little weird, you think as Mingyu sits on the other side of the room, that he seems to be a little glued to his phone now that things are getting closer to wrapping up. He checks it mid conversation and furrows his brow at whatever he sees. Both seem unusual. Mingyu is always one of those people that gives his full attention to a conversation. Unless it’s an emergency, he likes to be present in a moment. It’s one of your favorite things about him. It’s also unlike him to be so upset by something on his phone. You can’t think of any person that would be creating that reaction from him. Or anyone that he wouldn’t just ignore until later. You try to put it out of your mind as best you can. If it’s something serious, he’ll talk to you about it. At least, you hope. 

Any other time, you would be thrilled to have your favorite cousin staying at your parents’ house for the holidays. She’s always been your confidant and one of your safe spaces. Now? You can’t stand it. You really wish she would be literally anywhere else. Just the sight of her is getting to be enough to set you off. It seems like she’s really taking it to heart that Mingyu is single. You’re not sure what her game is and you hate it. 

Of course, she manages to corner you the second you’re back to your parents’ house. You’re not exactly paying all that much attention, though. The end of brunch with your friends had been a little weird, even if nobody else noticed it. Mingyu accepted all the praise for the things he made, but was distracted by his phone. Someone, you’re not really sure who, kept sending him messages. Whatever it was didn’t seem to be making him happy. Not that you really have any right to ask him who’s blowing up his phone. It’s just a little weird. Usually he’s so present in events like brunch. It’s odd to see him constantly checking his phone. Odder still that he had headed off to the bedroom as soon as you got back. You’re a little buzzed from the mimosas. Mingyu, on the other hand, is very sober.

“There you are,” Mimi says, appearing as if out of thin air. It makes you jump back, hand on your heart.

“Jesus,” you gasp out.

“No, Mimi,” she jokes. Any other time, it would make you laugh. You’re not so entertained with her now. 

“What are you sneaking up on me for?” you ask instead. 

She rolls her eyes and looks around. “I’m not sneaking up on you. I was just trying to catch you away from the others.”

“Why?”

“Why do you have that fake boyfriend of yours on such a tight leash?”

Out of habit, you look around to make sure nobody is listening. Everyone seems too busy, though. “I don’t have Mingyu on a leash.”

“Then explain why he’s basically refusing to answer any of my texts,” she says, arms crossed.

“I don’t know why…wait a minute. Was it you texting him while we were at brunch?” you ask.

This, somehow, seems to satisfy her. “Oh, so he’s not telling you who’s texting him.” 

“I didn’t ask, honestly.”

“Well, I don’t see why he’d be ignoring - “

Your brain catches up then. “Hang on. How the fuck did you get his number?” 

Mimi rolls her eyes again with a huff. “Please. You’ve had the same passcode on your phone for ages. I just grabbed it when you left your phone out.” 

“That’s so fucked, Mimi. You can’t just go through my phone or take his number,” you say. 

“You’re no fun anymore,” she says with a whine.

You’re not interested in hearing anything else she has to say because you just want to talk to Mingyu. This is getting insane that she’s going to this amount of trouble just to try to get to him. Yet, it’s also weird he kept it to himself that she was texting him. The two of you have talked a lot about the shit Mimi pulls in order to get close to him. Why is it different now that she’s texting him while he’s out with your friends? Is he starting to get worn out from dealing with the insanity of your family? Every other time he’s been around, it’s been really chill. This time, not so much. 

Up in your room, you don’t initially see Mingyu. You’re not sure what you’re expecting. Maybe him on his phone texting or else complaining to another friend about how this whole trip is going. Or even talking to his sister about getting out to see her instead of staying here. None of that happens, though. Instead, you find him in the bathroom applying a face mask. It’s a little ridiculous and definitely the last thing you expect. But, you also know that it’s a sign he’s carrying some amount of stress. 

That’s the thing about being as close to someone as you are to Mingyu. To most people, he’s got this unfailing streak of energy and kindness. He’s the kind of person that lets himself be bullied by all his friends even though he could definitely take them. It’s all part of making sure everyone is enjoying themselves and most things just roll off his broad shoulders. There are hidden depths to him, too. Sometimes he gets a little worn out because he’ll keep things to himself instead of burdening someone else. He takes so much onto his own plate and you wish he wouldn’t. At least, not always. He’ll go until it feels a little unbearable and then finally speak up. He’ll force a smile even when he doesn’t feel like it just to make sure nobody else realizes anything is wrong. In a way, he folds in on himself a little. But, you’ve been friends for years so you know his tells. Know how to spot the signs. It takes you a little longer this time surrounded by family and some friends. This is one of those signs, though. Taking the time to do a face mask, even if it’s in the middle of the day, to just give him an excuse to be quiet. 

You’re not usually the one to initiate physical contact with him. Not because you don’t want to, he just never really gives you the chance. He’s like a human koala most of the time. With his back to the door and his eyes closed to enjoy the feeling of the mask, he doesn’t even hear you approach. Your hands wind around his waist, hugging him tightly from the back and your head rests between his shoulder blades. For the briefest moment, he tenses and you worry that he’s using this as a break from you. Then, he realizes it’s just you and his entire body relaxes. He puts his hands over yours and sighs softly. After a moment, it doesn’t seem like it’s enough because he turns in your arms and pulls you tight against his chest, wrapping you so tightly in his own arms that you would complain in any other situation. Not now, though. Not when he’s putting himself through all of this just so you don’t have to have a stressful holiday experience. 

When it’s like this, you don’t dream of pulling away from Mingyu. There’s so much that he does for you and it’s so rare that you can do anything for him in return. So, you’ll stay tightly pressed against him as long as he wants. You won’t be the one to break the hug first. If you can take even a little bit of whatever he’s feeling onto your own shoulders, you will. This trip has been so much better than you could have expected in most ways and you’re determined to be more conscious of his needs. Eventually, he does pull away and let you look up into his face. He looks much more at peace than you expect. Maybe your hugs do have healing powers like he always says. Mingyu turns to remove the face mask and wipe his face before turning back to you.

“I’m sorry,” you say softly into the space between you. 

“For what?” he asks. 

“For the whole drama that is my family,” you start. “Mostly, for Mimi, though.” 

“Ah,” he says and his face falls a little.

“Gyu, I would never have put you in this position if I had known she would be like this,” you say earnestly. 

“I don’t think anyone could have guessed she’d pull all this,” he says with a humorless laugh.

“You should’ve told me that she was texting you and bugging you like that,” you say without any accusation. You just want to be able to share in his burden.

He only shrugs. “We were with your friends and you looked so happy. I didn’t want to bring it down. How did you even find out she was texting me?” 

“She told me,” you say with an eye roll. 

“Really?”

“Well, she cornered me and asked why I had you on such a tight leash…”

“Kinky,” he interrupts and it nearly makes you choke. 

“And then, when I asked how she even got your number, she told me she’d gone into my phone and taken it,” you say to avoid thinking too deeply about Mingyu and any kinks he might have. 

“Bold,” he observes. 

“Do you like that?” you ask before you can stop yourself.

The second the question comes out of your mouth, you wish you could take it back. What is going on with your brain today? First you’re losing your train of thought watching Mingyu lick something off his finger. Then, you’re wondering about his kinks. Now, you’re wondering if he likes someone that’s a little bit bold. It’s got to just be the atmosphere that you’re in. Or that you’re pretending to date him. It’s messing with your mind and you’re not responsible for the way you act. 

The worst part is that Mingyu’s entire face changes. He gets that knowing look on his face when he meets your eyes. A little cocky. The look that says he knows just how attractive he can be. It’s not usually directed at you and you’re not really sure what to do now that it is. 

“Sometimes,” he says. “Not necessarily from someone I’m not actually interested in, though.” 

“Good to know.” 

Mingyu arches an eyebrow and okay, that’s devastating. Maybe you’re still a little under the influence of the mimosas. There’s no other explanation for the way your knees go a little weak at such a simple movement. “Is it?”

“Huh?” you ask, shaking your head to clear it.

“You said it was good to know and I asked if it was,” he repeats, smirk only deepening.

“Oh, sure,” you say and he seems momentarily surprised. “You know, so I can tell Mimi.”

You’re actually not entirely sure what makes you say it. It’s not like you would ever want him to consider Mimi. It might actually drive you crazy if he went for her. He gets that look on his face that you’re all too familiar with. Affection mixed with exasperation. Nobody seems to get it more than you.

“Too bad for her that I’m very much not interested,” he says. 

“Shame. I don’t know how I would get over the loss.”

“Luckily you don’t have to because you’re stuck with me.”

“Until you actually have a crush on someone again.” 

Even though you say it, you want to take it back as soon as it comes out of your mouth. Images come rushing into your mind of Mingyu falling in love with someone that actually lasts. Someone that could take your best friend away from you. Which should be what you want, right? You should want him to be happy. And you do.  You just can’t really stand the thought of a life where he’s happy without you being right there by his side. This trip makes you think about a lot more than you bargained for. 

“I do have a crush,” he says softly.

“Oh, of course,” you say and look away from him. That’s fine. This is all fine.

His finger is under your chin the next second to pull your face back around to his. It’s the look of patience that you also see a lot. Especially when he’s trying to teach you something in the kitchen. Or explain something from work. Or really just talk about anything he’s passionate about. 

“The crush is on you, dummy,” he says softly. 

“What?” you ask, not sure you heard him correctly. 

With a shake of his head, he steps back to lean against the bathroom. “Of all the times I pictured telling you this, I never considered telling you in the bathroom attached to your old bedroom at your parents’ house.” 

“We don’t…” you start and he shakes his head again.

“No, this probably fits,” he says with a light laugh. The kind when he’s just a little caught off guard himself. “I thought I wanted to tell you after brunch with your friends and, I don’t know, I could be misreading the whole thing, but I think you’re ready to hear it now too. I like you. I’ve been more than happy just to be your friend because I didn’t want to say something before we were both ready. I’m happy to be here as your friend that’s only pretending to date you because I’d do anything to make life easier for you.”

“Mingyu,” you say, so low it’s barely above a whisper. Like you’re afraid to break the quiet in the limited space between you. 

“You don’t have to say…” he starts, only to be interrupted by a loud knock at your bedroom door. 

Your senses are entirely overwhelmed and you wonder what he sees as you look up at him, eyes wide in wonder. Before this, you would say that your brain could process too many things all at the same time. That it always had a million things going on. Now, you can’t seem to do any of that. Can’t focus on anything other than your beautiful best friend before you and the fact that apparently he has feelings for you. You see his mouth move, assume it’s to answer the knock, and have to shake yourself back to reality. Need to come out of this day dream so that you can react to whoever is at the door. 

“Too bad, lovebirds, you have to come downstairs. Attendance for games and cookie decorating is mandatory on Christmas Eve,” your cousin calls back. 

“Mimi, just…” you start to call out to her and Mingyu shakes his head.

“We’ll be right down!” he cuts across you. He waits, seeming like he’s listening for the sound of Mimi walking away from the door. How he can hear anything over the pounding of your heart seems unthinkable. Somehow, he must hear something because he turns back to you with soft eyes and speaks in an even softer voice. “It’s okay, we can talk tonight after dinner or when we come to bed. There’s no pressure for you to even say anything. Our friendship is the most important thing in the world to me.” 

With that, he gives you a quick peck on the top of the head. Something that’s immediately gentler than anything you’ve experienced with him during the entire course of your friendship. The smile he gives you as he steps around you to lead the way down to interact with your family has you go weak in the knees. Has he ever smiled at you like that before? Or is it a new smile? Once upon a time, you would have said that you had every facial expression of his memorized from years spent in each other’s company. Years spent sharing private jokes, going on adventures, complaining about work and family and everything in between. But maybe, you think, there are still things that you can learn about Mingyu. Maybe there are still things that you can learn from him as well. 

When you don’t immediately follow after him, Mingyu turns around to grab your hand and pull you along with him. There’s something about the way he threads his fingers through yours and squeezes that makes your heart pound again before settling down. His touch is gentle, like it always is, and filled with complete care. You don’t notice the way he glances back at you every few steps. Not with concern, but with curiosity. He would have bet he knew your every facial expression and can’t fully place the way you look now. Somehow, even though he can’t completely tell what you’re thinking, he knows that he made the right decision. Knows it was time to tell you what’s been on his mind. Knows that, no matter what, he’s still going to have his best friend on the other side of this trip.

It’s chaos once you and Mingyu get downstairs, like it always is at your parents’ house on Christmas Eve. Though, this definitely seems a little busier than years past. You’re not sure why that is either, but everyone seems to want to join in on the traditions that your parents cling to. In any case, it’s a good thing for you because it lets you just blend into the group of people without your parents paying entirely too much attention to you. Mingyu uses your hand intertwined with his to pull you into him, the way he has countless other times on this trip, and presses a kiss to your temple. Then, he’s off into the kitchen, throwing a joke at your mom about how he’s here now and she doesn’t need to worry. He looks over his shoulder and winks at you as your mother puts him to work mixing ingredients. You honestly don’t even know how you react in response. It must be okay, though, because he smiles back at you.

You love to decorate the cookies and will happily help make them in other situations, but there are already too many cooks in the kitchen. Instead, you help to set up some of the card tables that your parents keep for times like these. It gives people the chance to figure out what they might want to play and who they want to join them. It really is a nice tradition, no matter how you feel about your parents. And since your mother usually spends more time on baking and decorating the cookies, she doesn’t notice if things get a little too competitive between you and the cousins. Or if your father eggs the rest of you on while he watches. She has her favorite parts and lets everyone else do whatever it is they want to do. As long as everyone takes a break to help with decorating the cookies. Not that it’s ever a concern, that’s most people’s favorite part. 

Once the tables are all set up, you settle into a board game with some of your cousins. Usually, you’re one of the more competitive ones. Board games come pretty easily to you and you pick up on the strategy quickly. If your cousins notice that you’re not nearly as invested this time, they let you have it. And they do notice it, pretty quickly, but let you have it. It’s easy to see you’re distracted and to see that you keep glancing into the kitchen at Mingyu. They just let you have it. It’s in their best interest, anyway. It’s nice to get the chance to win without you being fully committed to beating everyone around you. 

This kind of setting really gives you a chance to think without shutting yourself away in your bedroom. That’s too obvious. You can’t just say that your best friend confessed feelings for you and now you need to figure out what your own feelings are. Not when he’s pretending to be your boyfriend already. Not when your whole family already thinks you’re lying about having just gotten together with him. And not when your mother would probably kill you if you missed out on traditions that may be older than you are. 

All the spiralling in your brain is just cover, you realize, for the bigger picture. Mingyu likes you and he thinks this is the right time to have a conversation about it. He also knows that your friendship is the most important. You agree. He’s one of the most important people in your life, but is he more than that to you too? Is it possible that it’s more than friendship? That’s not something you ever considered. When you and Mingyu met in university it was through someone you were dating at the time. The relationship was, fortunately, very short lived. But the friendship with Mingyu, that was the stuff of stories. That instant connection that survived the breakup. The two of you always joke that your friendship was meant to be and that’s why it lasted when the relationship didn’t. Why others could come and go from your lives but you two are forever. Especially when either of you has dated someone that had an issue with the friendship. It’s insane to think that men and women can’t be friends. A completely archaic way of thinking. 

That makes you think about your friendship with Seungkwan, though. Someone in your life who has also always been a constant. Someone who supports all your rights and your wrongs, even if he gives you a hard time too. And that’s when something else clicks. Your past partners haven’t objected to your friendship with Seungkwan nearly as often as your friendship with Mingyu. It’s not that he’s not attractive, because he definitely is. It can’t be that you’re not as close. Seungkwan has been with you through a lot. It could be that there's been more distance between you and him since you moved away, but you’re not sure that’s it either. He’s a constant in your life even from a distance. When you can’t see him, you regularly FaceTime him. So, no, he’s still present even if he’s not in the same city. 

And then it hits you. You don’t watch Seungkwan lick something off his finger while he’s cooking.  You don’t get jealous of your cousin hitting on him, regardless of what else is going on. You don’t seek out physical affection in the same way. Don’t find yourself looking over at Seungkwan for his reaction to everything going on around you. Don’t want to know his thoughts on something before you make each big decision. Seungkwan is your best friend and he means the world to you, but the thought of him constantly kissing you on the cheek or the temple or forehead or even the back of your hand doesn’t unleash butterflies in your stomach. 

Holy shit. You’re in love with Mingyu. Definitely in way over your head with feelings that should have been obvious to you. It’s impossible to pinpoint when it might have happened or how. Maybe there isn’t a specific time. Maybe it’s something that happens slowly over time. You know that when you first became friends it was only that, a friendship. Someone that you could be yourself around and feel at home with in a very foreign environment. Somewhere along the way, it’s morphed into more. He really is the person you want to share all your news with, the person that you look to for support first. It’s so clear to you that your feelings are there now that he’s confessed and gotten you thinking about it. When you meet his eyes across the room, you wonder if he can see the realization on your face. 

Now that you realize that you also have feelings for Mingyu, you’re not sure how you missed it before. If you consider the traits you’re looking for in a partner, he ticks off every box. And if you’re being completely honest, he’s been the reason for adding some traits to your list. So, not that you’ll admit this to any of your most recent exes, but maybe they had a point when they questioned your relationship with Mingyu. Not a big point. They still had shitty reasons for disliking Mingyu, but a small point nonetheless. 

The rest of the evening seems to go by entirely too slowly, even if you do enjoy yourself. Much to the dismay of your cousins, you’re no longer distracted and you proceed to kick their asses at any game they suggest. You do go a little easier on them than normal, though, and avoid any of the trash talk. Thankfully Seungkwan isn’t there to point out that being in a good mood makes you soft. Even decorating the cookies is more fun than you can remember. You try not to think about whether that’s because Mingyu sits right next to you the whole time, trying to sabotage your cookie designs or make you laugh with his own. Spoiler alert: it absolutely is and you’re already down horrendous. It’s even easier to act like a cute couple in love now than it was before. And you also ignore the realization that it being so easy to pretend to be in a relationship with your best friend should have also been an indicator. Nobody ever said you were the most observant when it came to your own feelings. 

Finally, you get a free moment to go upstairs. It’s time to get changed for Christmas Eve dinner and that gives you both the chance to excuse yourselves. The only person who seems to be tracking the movement with some amount of interest is Mimi. You’re too caught up in reaching out for Mingyu’s hand to notice, though. His smile at the action is immediately familiar and new. Familiar because you know his face better than your own and new because you didn’t expect to see him looking at you like that.

“I didn’t expect your mom to have me working so hard in the kitchen helping with the cookie dough,” he says once you close the door. 

“Oh, I did,” you say through a snort. 

“How was the - “ 

“You were right.” 

You both go to speak at the same time and Mingyu’s mouth closes the second he realizes what you said. Whatever he wants to ask dies on his tongue over three words from your mouth. They might just be the second best three words you could say to him right then. 

“About?” he prompts. 

“It was the right time to tell me,” you confirm for him. It’s clear that he’s biting his tongue to let you say whatever you need to. Even if he knows by the look on your face. “I like you too.” 

“Thank fucking god,” he says with an exhale. “When Seungkwan told me that I should tell you because he caught you watching me, I thought he was being a shit and…”

“Wait, what?” you ask. Fucking Seungkwan. Of course.

“Oh, yeah, at brunch earlier he said that he noticed you watching me while I was cooking and that if I liked you like he thought I did, that I should probably tell you,” he says a little sheepishly. 

“You know what? Forget Seungkwan. I need to see something,” you say and close the space between you. 

Before Mingyu can ask anything, you’re on your tiptoes, hands cupping his face and lips pressed to his. He wraps his arms around your lower back to pull you tighter against his body without missing a beat. And that really is all you need to know. Everything is in that first real kiss. Any lingering hesitations slip away. You can feel his promises and the answers to the questions you know you’ll have to actually ask in that kiss. For now, it just feels like coming home. Like you found the person that can get through all the bullshit and remind you about what’s actually important in life. 

“Wow,” you say when you pull away.

“Yeah,” he agrees. 

“Is that what I’ve been missing out on?” you wonder.

“Just how long have you liked me?” he says with an all too knowing smirk. 

“I only realized today so I’ve got some catch up to do,” you joke. 

“We both do, I think,” he says. 

Without having to say a word, both of you get ready for Christmas dinner since your mother insists that you get dressed up. Every few seconds one of you seems to catch the other looking. It feels exciting, but you’re also a little shy. There’s a lot to talk about and a lot to navigate. You know you can’t put it aside. It just doesn’t feel as time sensitive now. This is one of the most important people in your life and it’s going to work out. At least, if you can get through the whole drawn out affair that is dinner first. 

Which you do. Through all your mother’s courses and all the formality that she insists on following, you have Mingyu by your side. You’re not even distracted by Mimi on the other side of the table. She can’t seem to take her eyes off you while you and Mingyu can’t take your eyes off each other. More than once, you entirely miss a question and Mingyu has to nudge you to prompt you. It’s not your fault, you reason. He’s just so insanely attractive and made all the more so because you know that he’s a genuinely wonderful person. 

Every part of you wants to skip the after dinner drinks and go back upstairs with Mingyu, but he quietly insists that you should stay. Even laughs when you turn his signature pout back around on him. If he makes a good point that you have nothing but time, you still want to take advantage of some of that time right now. Instead, you sip on your rumchata and curl into Mingyu on the oversized armchair by the fire. Despite trying to leave a little bit of space, you’re basically sitting on his lap at his own insistence. 

Once the first people start to call it a night, you look at Mingyu with nearly pleading eyes. That gets a light laugh out of him as he nods to agree that you can go upstairs to your bedroom. You say your goodnights to everyone in the room, wish people a Happy Christmas Eve, and lead the way back up to your room even though he doesn’t need the directions 

It’s nice to have uninterrupted time to figure everything out with Mingyu now that your feelings are out in the open. And once you’re both changed and through your skincare routines, you get into bed just to talk. It’s remarkable how much can fall into place so easily. It’s obvious that he figured out his feelings first. You insist that yours are already just as strong. The two of you depend on each other in everything without realizing it. Turn to each other for support. Share in all the best news. Suffer through any heartbreak together. In the years of friendship, there’s something deeper than either of you ever expected.

Honestly, it’s not even something either of you just held onto or harbored for years. The feelings really came suddenly. Mingyu shares that he wasn’t just waiting around to tell you that he had feelings for you. He also shares, though you already know, that no part of him felt entitled to your returned feelings. Had Seungkwan not said something, he’s not even sure if or when he would have said something. The last thing he would ever want was to make you uncomfortable. As much as he cares about you and wants to explore the relationship, you’re also the best friend he’s ever had. You feel the same. It’s a little scary and exciting at the same time. You trust Mingyu with your heart in a way that you’ve never trusted anyone else.

It’s entirely too late into the night by the time you and Mingyu fall asleep. How the two of you have so much to say at this point in the friendship is something to be studied. But, eventually you drift off, completely intertwined with Mingyu. He’s been a cuddler this whole trip and you’re not sure how he’s gotten himself even more attached to you. Yet, he does. It’s like any space between you would be too much. It’s too much satisfaction to give him that he’s right. He can tell anyway. 

When you wake up, it feels too early. A fact only confirmed when you check your phone. None of the little cousins or your cousins with kids are staying at your parents’ house. So, you know that it doesn’t have to be an early start to the morning. You consider if you can drift off back to sleep. In the night, you ended up with Mingyu spooning you. His arm is loosely draped over you and your back is pressed somewhat lightly into his chest. When you go to adjust to think about drifting back off, your ass brushes against his hips, you feel something press into you. That stops you for a moment. Obviously, you and Mingyu talked about sex the night before. About how you wanted to try to take it a little slower since this means so much to both of you. And obviously you know that it’s relatively common for a guy to wake up a little hard. Your brain knows all those things. Knows what you should do. You should just reposition and go back to sleep. 

That’s not what you actually do though. 

So carefully that it could be an accident, you wiggle against him, a little harder this time. You yawn like you’re actually just adjusting to get comfortable and fall back asleep. He might let you get away with it, too, if you didn’t do it more than once, pressing further back into him each time. You know he’s awake by the sharp intake of breath and then the way he moves his hand to grip your thigh. The way his fingertips dig into your skin there makes you grind back harder without pretending it’s anything else. 

Mingyu puts his lips to your ear. “Are you trying to drive me crazy?” 

“No,” you whisper. 

“I thought we said we were going to take it slow,” he says with incredible difficulty.

“I can move slower,” you answer immediately. It feels gratifying when he snaps his hips into your ass. 

“You’re teasing me,” he whines.

“Not if I follow through,” you say. “I want you, Mingyu. I don’t want to wait.” 

“Fuck,” he hisses as you continue to grind into him. “I want you to.” 

“Then…” you start and immediately cut off as his hand winds back around to your front. He grabs your pussy through your shorts that suddenly feel too flimsy. Runs his long middle finger up your core and you immediately know you started something that he’s going to finish. 

But his hand is gone entirely too quickly. Worse still, he pulls back. It’s only long enough for him to turn you towards him and then pull you on top of him. Your brain catches back up once you’re straddle over him and he pulls your face towards him. You kiss him like you haven’t yet. Full of desire and desperation. Nothing like the first few kisses you share. Those kisses were to make sure this was right. This kiss is to ruin him. Maybe to ruin yourself as well. His hands are on your hips, anchoring you to him, not that there’s anywhere else you could possibly be. 

It’s never been like this with anyone. Just some heavy kissing and you’re already getting turned on. Already wondering what’s next. What it’s going to feel like. If Mingyu is the type of person that will take his time with you. It’s hard to imagine when he seems just as desperate as you are. At least, he tries to anchor you in a certain position so that you can’t grind too much. Maybe he does want to savor it. You really are down horrendous for this man because you think you could just kiss him like this forever and never quite get enough. 

All too soon, Mingyu rolls the pair of you over again. Now he’s hovering over you and nobody has any business being that hot. And then he pulls back, somewhat straddling your legs without putting too much weight on you. In one movement, he pulls his shirt over his head and casts it aside. Okay, now you really think that nobody has any business being that hot. And sure, you’ve seen him shirtless before. This is just different. You don’t even realize as he’s reaching for your shirt until you feel his fingers brush the skin of your stomach. He’s looking for permission, but you’re a little impatient and pull the shirt off yourself. You’re not sure that anyone has ever looked at your body with so much love. Like he’s just as amazed as you are. He peppers your chest and your chest and your stomach with kisses. Showing you just how much he loves every bit of you. It’s the safest feeling in the world and you’re not really sure how you got this lucky. 

Mingyu is so gentle when he pulls your shorts off. Trails kisses along your thighs as well and makes you shiver. Chuckles when he pulls his own off and you swallow at the sight of him. He’s a big guy and somehow you’re still not expecting his dick to be big like it is. Haven’t ever really thought about it in all the time you’ve been friends. You expect him to be all confident seeing your reaction. There’s something else there too, though. Like he’s a little nervous about this. You’re not really sure what to say to reassure him, so you just pull him back to you to kiss him again. He adjusts into you almost immediately, half laying on top of you while still making sure that he’s not crushing you.

This time kissing him is very different, though. He moves one hand between your legs. It’s gentle at first. He only runs his finger up your center a few times. Catches each moan with his kisses. Slowly works a finger inside you and pumps at a languid pace. It turns you into a whiny, squirming mess entirely too quickly. Empties any thoughts or worries out of your head. You know you can’t be too loud and you hate it. Nobody should be able to kiss this well while also hitting the perfect spot with each pass of his fingers. He adds a second finger and you’re sure that you’re done for. Sure that nothing else will ever feel as perfect as him again. You reach to stroke him and he pulls back. 

“What’s wrong?” you ask, unable to hide the concern in your voice.

“No, nothing,” he assures you quickly. “I just, um, well I really want to fuck you and I’m not sure I could handle it if…”

“Do you have a condom?” you ask, already ready to say it doesn’t matter if you have to.

“I might?” he says more like a question and gets off the bed to cross to his bag with too much speed. In any other situation you might laugh. Now, you just want to feel him. A moment later, after rifling through his bag, he comes back up with one. 

He’s moving back to you, unwrapping the condom, and then he looks up at you. There’s a question in his eyes.

“Yes, Mingyu, I want this. And yes, I want it here,” you assure him. 

Thankfully, that’s the only confirmation he needs. In the next second, he’s pumping himself a few times and rolling the rubber onto himself. You move to reposition, but he doesn’t let you. He gently presses you back and gets between your legs. Carefully, he lines himself up and presses in. 

“Oh fuck,” you hiss out, trying to stay quiet. 

“Too much?” he asks and stills.

“No, Gyu, just move, please,” you whine out, pulling him into you. 

He does exactly what you ask and snaps his hips so he’s fully buried inside you. It’s a stretch in the best way. Like this is exactly how it’s supposed to be. You can’t help it, you moan out the first time he thrusts and he catches the second moan with another bruising kiss. Probably better to have bruised lips than to have your family hear the screams you let out as he fucks you. Probably better than having them hear his moans as well. They vibrate through his chest and it gives you a sense of pride. Mingyu is a taker in every sense of his life. You know that it must be killing him to keep quiet now. 

The two of you fall into a perfect rhythm without even trying. There’s nothing awkward about it being your first time. Knowing each other as well as you do as friends seems to translate here. Or maybe Mingyu just pays much closer attention to you than you realize. You run your nails down his back and his thrusts stutter so you do it again. That seems to get to him. He picks up the paces of his thrusts. Pulls his dick almost all the way out of you before quickly snapping his hips to bury himself in your pussy again. Never in your life has sex as simple as this position felt so good. Never has anyone you’ve dated felt this perfect. 

When Mingyu’s thrusts start to stutter, you reach down between your bodies to rub your clit. Seconds later, your pussy clenches around Mingyu and your vision whites out. You can feel Mingyu release and try to pick up the pace to work him through his own orgasm. He half collapses on you, breathing heavy. Both of you have to catch your breath from all the kisses to muffle the noises as well. He tries to roll over so that he’s not on top of you and you cling to him, not ready to lose contact just yet.

“I’m not going anywhere,” he assures you.

“I know.” 

“That was…” 

“Better than I was expecting.” 

You can feel his eyes on you even without looking and it makes you smile. Can imagine what he’s about to say before he even opens his mouth.

“Oh, you didn’t think I’d be any good?” 

You laugh at that as you turn to face him. “No, I thought you’d be good. I just didn’t expect our first time where we had to be quiet because we’re in my parents house to be that good.” 

He considers your words for a second.

“I guess I can take that,” he concedes. 

“Come on. We have to clean up and get downstairs,” you say and he sighs dramatically. But, then he gets up and helps you up with him. 

Half an hour later, you’re downstairs at the kitchen table sipping on a peppermint mocha latte and picking out your favorite pastries from the spread your mother has out. Mingyu has his chair pulled close to you and his arm along the back of your chair. Your cousin is sitting on your other side, cheerily humming under her breath. In a strange move, she isn’t even trying to speak to Mingyu. Just as you’re trying to figure out what’s going on with her, she turns to you.

“Have a good morning?” she asks knowingly.

“We’ll talk about it later,” you hiss back, casting your eyes around. 

“No need,” she waves off and shoots a smirk at you. “I got exactly what I wanted.” 

“I don’t…” 

“Seungkwan and I have been talking a lot. Plotting, I guess you could say. Seems like it finally paid off,” she says and your jaw hangs open. 

“Are you…did you just…” you stutter out. 

“As long as it’s real now,” she says and doesn’t wait for confirmation. Doesn’t need it, when it’s written all over your face. “We can talk about it later but I am sorry.” 

“You and fucking Seungkwan,” you grumble. 

It is a weight off your chest, though. Mimi has always been your favorite. A safe space in all the insanity of your family. It’s good to know that she’s still that for you. The two of you can argue about her methods, or her alliance with Seungkwan, later. It’s hard to ignore that it did actually help. You’re in this place because some of your favorite people meddled to help you and Mingyu see sense. Maybe you can say all is well that ends well. 

In between all the chaos of breakfast and making sure the presents are under the tree, you manage to tell Mingyu about what Mimi had really been up to. He seems relieved. Not even annoyed, just happy that things can settle into whatever the new normal looks like for you and him. You also find time to whisper all the things you want to do to him when there aren’t prying eyes around. It may be cruel, but you delight in the way the blush rises up his cheeks and the way he shifts in his seat. You’re going to have a lot of fun playing with him, you already know. He’s so easy to rile up. Now you have brand new material to use on him. 

Your mother works to corral everyone into the living room where the Christmas tree is so that people can start opening presents. You always hold back and watch at first. Don’t even make an effort to find anything that might be for you. It’s more fun to see people’s reactions. Does your mother like what your father picked out? Are your cousins humoring their parents? Did someone manage to get something that’s genuinely a surprise? There’s never a dull moment. In fact, you’re so lost in thought watching that you don't notice wasn’t beside you until he plops back down and nudges you. Hands a small, beautifully wrapped box over to you. 

“Go on, open it,” he urges you softly. It’s clear he’s trying not to draw too much attention. 

Exchanging gifts with Mingyu isn’t new. It’s something you do every year. This is unexpected though. Usually you exchange gifts away from other people because they can be a little silly. Nothing about this feels silly, though. With a final questioning glance at him, you pull the ribbon off and carefully ripping the paper. It’s immediately clear that it’s a jewelry box. That makes your heart hammer. You can’t even look over at him. Surely this is something he had already. It’s not like there’s been any time to go out and get something in the midst of all your confessions. 

There’s a necklace inside the box. Something that looks old, important. The kind of thing you can tell has been well worn and loved without looking cheap. There’s a pendant hanging from the chain with your favorite stone in a setting that you instantly love. It’s the most perfect gift that anyone has ever given you and it makes you a little emotional. You turn to Mingyu, tears welling in your eyes, and want to have the moment just for the two of you. Unfortunately, your mother and several other family members watch your reaction.

“It’s beautiful,” you say softly.

“Do you like it?” he asks, still unsure.

“I love it,” you say earnestly.

“It was my grandmother’s that she got from her grandmother before her. She told me to hold onto it and that I would just know when I should give it to someone,” he says and that does you in. Any last resolve disappears. 

The only response you can think of is to just kiss him. A real kiss pressed to his lips full of all the words you can’t say about how much a present like this means to you. How sure you are that you two are making the right decision. It’s so meaningful. 

“I love you,” he says quietly, trying to keep it just for the two of you. Which doesn’t happen. Not that it matters. Your parents have heard you saying you loved each other this whole trip. It means something different now, though.

“I love you, too,” you say back. “So much.” 

“It’s a beautiful necklace,” your mother offers as Mingyu helps you to put it on. 

“I thought it would look good on her,” he adds to your mother. 

“Almost as good as a ring,” your mother says. It’s the least subtle comment in the entire world.

Mingyu doesn’t miss a beat. Just smiles and nods a little. “Well, maybe you’ll have to invite me back next year and see what the gift is.” 

“You have a deal.” 

For the first time, you’re not upset with your mother for bringing up marriage and the idea of settling down. You’re just basking in the affection coming from Mingyu and appreciating your new necklace. Soon, you’ll have to leave this little bubble. Trade the idyllic snow covered scenery where everything moves a little slower for your life back in the city. But, you’ll be taking a different relationship with Mingyu back. You think that maybe he’ll be the key to you finally figuring out how to balance it all. Maybe he’s been the answer all along. 

[krystella-shifts]

Ignoring symptoms/outer world and detaching while entering the void state

So I got this question & post idea in my DM and it's a great suggestion cuz I personally used to struggle with that and seen others struggle w/ it too.

So y'all are focusing too much on the 3d AND the thought that you are focusing on the 3d and that you shouldn't focus on the 3d. How to detach from it?

1. First of all stop focusing so much on the thought/belief that you ARE focusing on the 3d and to enter the void you HAVE to NOT feel it AT ALL cuz if you while inducing think like "ok I feel this symptoms but I'm also hearing this and why do I still feel my pillow" LIKE DON'T. Just relaxxxx we're not telling you'll to relax for nothing! Cuz I realised form my experience that if I stress that my family is being loud or if I'm feeling symptoms and that i shouldn't move AT ALL (as if I'm in some statue statue game olympics 🗿🥴) it brings my focus back on the physical world. But when I am relaxed i just don't give a fuck. Think about the time you were SO tired after a long day of being outside and you just wanted to go home and sleep, when you finally got to go in bed did you have any care in the world what's going on in the 3d? Ask yourself

2. You have two rooms if you don't wanna be in room A you just go in room B. Be in 4d to not be in 3d. Like as simple as that. Think, affirm, daydream whatever the fuck you do like literally have a party in your mind i don't care as long as you're not aware of the 3d anymore! You know what works best for you. You do not have to follow a damn method EXACTLY step-by-step. Make it your own. For me I can't only affirm and be only in the 4d cuz it's daily life for me to affirm so what I do is affirm while imagining or just imagine. And many time when I wasn't even trying to induce but was just imagining scenarios to sleep i wasn't aware of the outside world at all. Sometimes while thinking myself to sleep i felt whatever I was seeing behind my eyelids literally form and become more vivid as if I was actually in front of it (it was fun ngl 🤡) so yeah basically do what works for you. I can't tell you what works for you, no one can. Only you. (I wEnT cRaZy OvEr YoU)

3. For some people it can be fear. Fear of suddenly having everything they want (unlike what the damn bitch society have told everyone) so just accepting if you have this fear and telling yourself it doesn't have to be hard, painful the way society told us, everything is meant to be easy and just flow for us. Or your body/mind might be scared of "leaving" your body here or find it unusual but regardless telling yourself and body "you're safe, I am safe" is a great way. Writing down your fear and tearing it can also help.

Understand actually having it/ being in the wish fulfilled state

So you said you're in the void in the 4d but asking for help, even tho I obviously don't mind helping at all, you wouldn't be asking for help if you were actually in the wish fulfilled. F the terms you ARE actually in the void. I'm not just saying it as an aff or whatever. You actually are in the void 25/8. The void is within you. The void IS you. It is YOUR God state. Wdym you have it in the 4d and not in 3d??YOU JUST HAVE IT. You don't TRY to get into an awake or asleep state you just are in it when you are. Void is just like a mix of both being aware but asleep. You're not entering some completely different realm you are going within. When you force yourself to sleep you're just becoming more and more awake. But when you just let it happen it not only happens, it's effortless. Why treat Void state any different? It's not some magical thing getting you your desires YOU ARE. you can manifest anything in awake state too and you are the one manifesting in the void so don't put it on a pedestal please.

Nothing is holding you back from inducing the void state. If you believe nothing is, nothing is. Nothing can. Nope not even the 3d, not even the doubts. The law is always working. Stand in your power.

- Krystella

Wow this is something I needed to hear myself in my journey (i'mma pat myself on the back) thank you for the person who suggested this idea and let me attach the ss :D I'm grateful to be able to help! Feel free to ask. Thank you for reading !

Happy living our dream life 🥂💋🩷

✿˖˚ ༘𐙚

[starbylers]

How much of “El” was actually in Will’s van speech, why this scene does NOT point to him letting Mike go, and what we actually know about Will's arc/Byler because of it

I know everyone jokes about the Will crying in the van shot so we sometimes forget how serious of a moment that was but like…..he was devastated. It’s always bothered me when people act as though this scene was about El in any genuine way, and that the message to take away is that Will is accepting Mike and El love each other and starting to move on. Both of these things couldn’t be further from the truth, they’re just convenient interpretations to fit a certain narrative.

In reality, Will assumed what El feels because he loves Mike, and that’s how he feels. There was no conversation between him & El, nothing Will ever witnessed, for him to determine that Mike "makes her feel like she’s better for being different”, that that helps her "fight". It’s what El wanted to feel from Mike, but she clearly didn’t (“You think I’m a monster too”). We never see Mike uplift her for her differences throughout the entire time they're dating, and then in s4 El gets a plot about feeling like she doesn't fit in (“I am different”) and actively lies to Mike about it ??? So...when exactly does Mike make her feel like she's "not a mistake at all"? El doesn't even feel safe giving him the opportunity, in fact she actively refuses to repeatedly: lying in her letters, asking Angela to lie to Mike at the rink, in their fight when he tries to understand & she tells him he doesn't. (And then when he tries in the monologue to use the sentiment “I love you for exactly who you are” etc.…she loses.)

And aside from that, explaining the painting and its meaning was the most blatant lie we see Will tell, and that’s all him. El didn't say all these wonderful things she loves about Mike, didn't create a gift inspired by something personal to Mike (DnD) to emphasise that message. Those were Will’s thoughts and feelings, unquestionably. There is nothing to suggest that El perceives Mike in that way ("the heart", "guiding the party, inspiring us", "without [you] we'd all fall apart"), that she understands Mike and knows exactly what to say to make him feel important, special and needed, that she loves him the way Will loves him (which just coincidentally happens to encompass exactly what Mike needs to hear to soothe his insecurities (“I’m just some random nerd” etc.)). And frankly even if we pretend El thinks the exact same things, Will was the one who did the work to make Mike happy. The idea that El should be able to coast on the efforts of someone else because "well she obviously feels the same way" (where ???) is kind of disturbing. Mike deserves better, and it makes no sense that the writers would narratively reward a love interest who put no effort into showing how much Mike is valued vs one who went above and beyond to make him feel loved.

That speech only applied to El insofar as Will sprinkles in "these past months she's been lost without you", "she's so different from other people", "we'd all fall apart, even El, especially El" and "if she was mean to you/seemed like she was pushing you away". Not because El said any of this, but because it's plausible for Will to come to these conclusions on his own and think he's correct (and even be partially correct). He knows El was doing awful in Lenora because she is different, he knows she's part of the group and has experienced Mike's leadership, he knows she fought with Mike and then left him. All of these things also affect him - he missed Mike's friendship while they were separated, he's different because of his sexuality, he's part of the group too, he "sabotaged" the day in Mike's eyes after not reaching out much and we know he's scared of losing Mike due to his feelings.

But the rest? "Of course she needs you Mike, she'll always need you", "You make her feel like she's not a mistake, like she's better for being different and that gives her the courage to fight", "if she [...] was pushing you away, it's just because she's scared of losing you" (I do think that one's partially true but Will wouldn't know beyond a guess), “if she was gonna lose you I think she’d want to get it over with quick", "El needs you and she always will” (and of course "El commissioned it" and the compliments he gives after)...who is Will to make those claims? He doesn't know how El feels, he didn't even know El was lying to Mike, she clearly doesn't confide in Will about her relationship. No, these things are all Will guessing/outright lying and letting his own feelings slip through. And just in general outside of Will, El hasn’t done/said anything elsewhere in the show to confirm that she feels any of this (in fact it was de-confirmed, in the case of the “better for being different” stuff).

Essentially, it’s all just Will's assumptions about El, some of which are based in reality and some of which are Will projecting. But most importantly, the reassurance and comfort he gives (the painting stuff) in response to Mike talking disparagingly about himself are Will and no-one else, and part of the most blatant lie he tells (“she told me what to draw [...] your coat of arms, it's a heart [...] without heart we'd fall apart”) is specifically what is called back to to push Mike into confessing!

Now, the idea of Will "accepting the reality" of Mike loving El is so ridiculously irrelevant. Will was heartbroken after he did what he did, this boy was literally sobbing out the window, but the whole reason he does is because he fully 100% believes Mike loves El. He knows, people! He spends the entire season giving Mike advice and pushing him towards her. Why would Will need to "accept" something he's been actively supporting before and during this scene? In his mind it's fully unrequited and he's operating within that reality in the most selfless, helpful, unobstructive way! He's not in denial, he has no hope.

What they really mean is he needs to move on and that this scene is somehow an indication that he is, but again, no: "[I] need you, and [I] always will" is Will's final projection before he cries his eyes out, and then later on we see him miserably staring at them again. The fact is, Will has accepted his "reality", that just didn't lead to him getting over Mike. No, it led to him sacrificing something he poured his heart into to save Mike’s relationship because he thinks that what will make Mike happy is to be with El, so he's making that happen. He is a bigger M!leven shipper than anyone. He still loves Mike, shows no signs of letting go, but he's just that selfless. And it's perfect, because no amount of knowing Mike loves El seems to change how much Will loves Mike. Incredibly inconvenient for a "plot" that relies on the gay character’s silly feelings magically disappearing out of reverence for a het couple and their deep soulmate love……

But this is why some people try to invent an imaginary arc where Will was somehow trying to get in the way of M!leven/had hope Mike could feel the same way, because otherwise you just get: Will likes Mike, knows it's hopeless, and then it randomly fizzles out lmao. Everyone knows that's not an arc; there's no change, no development, nothing learned. Plus, if Will is already in full acceptance of M!leven endgame…what’s next seaon's alleged rejection going to do/change? Nothing, Will’s feelings aren’t dependent on Mike reciprocating as has been shown, so the only purpose would be rubbing salt in the wound. And again, you end up with not an arc but a flat, depressing line. Will likes Mike, knows it's hopeless, has it painfully reaffirmed that yes it is hopeless, and then fizzle. If you know stories you know this makes zero sense, and therefore is not happening 👍

[this-lovely-universe]

Lore Drop: Maisie unknowningly ruins her life.

Tw: Maisie kinda gets drugged, death, disturbing living conditions found?, get bit and scratched (although it's not super gorey), Me generally putting my ocs through it

Also warning, this is far longer than my other lore drops. like triple the length.

“Well, that was a fun car ride.” Willa chuckled, locking the car.

“I mean, it was a nice nap.” Maisie yawned, rubbing her eyes. “You sure this is the right place? It’s like, the middle of the woods.”

Willa swung her car keys around her finger, before stuffing them in her pocket. “Sketchy ass organsiation, sketchy ass location.” She shrugged. “You got the USB?”

“That fills me with such joy that they have my personal information.” She sighed. “Yeah, I got it.” She held it inside her jacket pocket.

“Again, still don’t understand why they can’t tell you about your parents. Was this place like an NPC they couldn’t get past for your parentage?”

Maisie laughed. “NPC…” She wheezed.

Willa smiled at her, before grabbing her hand and pulling her along.

“How are we meant to get into this place again? I assume it’s pretty specky.”

“I honestly doubt it. The owner is like 120 or something crazy.”

Maisie’s eyebrows shot up. “120?”

Willa hummed. “Surprised he’s not dust yet.”

She laughed again. “Alright, back to my question. What’s the plan?”

“Well, I’m not really sure. I don’t exactly want to scare all the kids.”

“They’re in the building? I thought this would be some sort of headquarters….”

“Nope. Don’t think the dust man’s that rich.”

Maisie smacked her shoulder. “Stop. This is supposed to be serious.”

“Since when was I ever serious, Mae?” She smirked. “Serious is boring anyway. You want serious, you’d date someone else.”

“Ew.”

Willa laughed, pulling her closer and wrapping an arm around her. “Did you just ew the thought of dating anyone else?”

“What? Why’d I want to have anyone else when I have you?”

“Plenty of reasons…” She sighed as they stood in front of the building.

It looked straight out of 1901. It looked dirty, whatever colour brick was caked with dirt and mud and discoloured from the sun.

“What the fuck happened to this building? It looks like it got jumped…” Maisie muttered

“What god did this building piss off…” Willa muttered too.

“Looks like all of them. Every god to ever exist.”

Willa sighed, going up to the door. She stopped, looking around. “Can you see any cameras?”

“I wasn’t exactly looking for them. I thought you meant they wouldn’t have security cause of dust man.”

“I meant alarms.” Willa sighed, getting her phone out. “Can you look?”

Maisie rolled her eyes stepping back to get a good look at the building. “Your logic is extremely flawed.”

“Yeah, yeah.” She turned on her flashlight, shining it through the glass. “Maisie. Cameras?”

“Uh, I can’t see any… Let me check with my flashlight…” She pulled out a flashlight and turned it on. She shone it on the building walls.

It looked even worse in light. The brick was completely crackled and missing chunks on the edges. She didn’t trust this building to be very structurally sound.

“Well, no cameras, but this building doesn’t seem sturdy, if I’m honest.”

“Oh, great!” Willa replied sarcastically, before sighing. “Let’s check for a back entry.”

***

Look, Maisie couldn’t deny that Willa breaking into a building was kinda hot.

Either that or she was still kinda annoyed this cut into their makeout time.

The inside of the building was creepy as hell.

Firstly, it was modern. Like bizarrely modern. The building itself looked like it would be put on a historic landmark list but the inside was blindingly white, like a hospital.

Maisie swallowed, a wave of anxiety flooded her body. She didn’t like this. The building felt… off.

She stepped closer to Willa, taking her hand.

Willa squeezed it as she shivered. “Goosebumps…” She whispered.

Maisie nodded, before beginning to walk.

The further into the building they went, the worse the feeling got.

There was this low groaning, almost scream like. It sent shivers down Maisie’s spine. It was horrible, and brought tears to her eyes.

A part of her told her to grab Willa and run. To get the hell out of there before something terrible happened, but the other part, the far larger part, was itching to know what happened to her parents.

Did they die? Could they just not look after her? Did they not want her? The questions were endless, and she just needed to know.

She swallowed, as they turned a corner. The groaning got louder.

“I don’t like this.” Willa whispered.

Maisie went to agree when they saw a computer.

She has never seen Willa move faster. Literally, it was like she teleported there.

“Come on. We finally have it.” She went to turn it on.

“Wait, stop. Don’t turn it on.” She went over.

Willa raised her hands away from the button.

Maisie looked at it. It was dusty, extremely. “It’s a trap.”

“What?” She looked at her exasperatedly.

“A) There’s no chair, but this isn’t a standing desk. That’s extremely uncomfortable. B) It’s really dusty. Sure, dust isn’t exactly something you blink an eye at, but it’s on the keyboard. The front door’s right there; if some were to break in and want information, well, like us, they’d go for the first computer they find.”

Willa continued to stare. “Holy fuck, that was hot.”

She smacked her shoulder. “Shut up. We need to find the actual computer. Now, perferly. This place is even creepier on the inside.”

***

The building was like a maze. The chances are high that was done on purpose.

It made Maisie feel even more uneasy. She could swear that she’d turn her back for a moment and then three more identical hallways would appear from where they came from.

Each room/area was weirder. Some looked dungy and dirty, others looked straight out of the 1950’s. It was built to confuse you.

It was about 3am at this point, and they were both getting exhausted.

“Urgh, I just want to find an exit and sleep at this point…” Maisie mumbled.

“Me too…” Willa pulled her closer. “We’ve come this far though.”

“Willa, we’re literally lost in what seems to be a magic building. Let’s just go.”

“No. We’re going to get you answers.”

“Will… I don’t like this. We should’ve left once we came in.”

“Look,” She cupped her face with her hands. “I know this place is weird, but you’ve been-”

Alarms started going off, red lights started flashing.

“You know what, nevermind. Let’s leave. Now.” She grabbed Maisie and started running.

Whether it was the panic that immediately filled Maisie’s body or the alarm did something really fancy, the building managed to get even more complex.

Doors that were walls, dead ends, walls that were doors, windows that opened up to straight up dirt, 8 different hallways on one wall. It was enough to give you a headache and maybe a heartattack if you weren’t ready.

Willa was cursing, her grip tightening on just about ever corner. It was being to become painful at this point.

They eventually came to a dark room. No lights, no alarms. That’s weird…

“Why’s it dark in here?” She whispered as Willa tried to catch her breath.

There was scratching and… was that howling?

“Where’s a goddamn exit?” Willa hissed, pulled out her phone and turned on the flashlight again.

It was a long hallway, it stretched down further than Maisie could see. There were glass on the walls.

It was amazing how quickly this place could get even worse.

“What the actual fuck…”

Willa kept walking, although she was the most tense Maisie had ever seen her.

“Maisie, come on…” She tugged her arm.

She moved forward, just staring in horror. “Willa, have you looked through the glass?”

“Have you?” She swallowed.

“No, I can’t see.”

“Yeah, I don’t think I want to know what’s behind the glass.”

The hallway panned out into a bigger room, the glass continued, making it look like an aquarium you couldn’t see into.

Willa walked forward, holding her breath. “It’s a dead end… A dead end. A fucking dead end!”

“Shh!” Maisie covered her mouth.

The scratching and howling that filled the hallway stopped. Willa finally dared to look at the glass.

An empty room was behind it. It was pretty empty, having nothing in it besides a pathetically small bed, and on top of that bed was a teddy bear, staring back at them.

The room itself was falling apart, water damage, chunks of concrete from the wall completely missing and on the ground.

“That’s-” She screamed, something knocking her down, biting hard into her arm.

She cried in pain, trying to throw the thing off, her eyes squeezed shut.

Willa screamed in horror. The thing let go of her arm.

“Willa, run!” She screamed, knowing her scream caught its attention.

Willa ran.

Maisie finally opened her eyes, looking up.

The thing that bit her ran past, heading straight in Willa’s direction.

It was huge, running on all fours and covered in fur.

“No no no…” She quickly got up, trying to ignore the deep pain in her arm. “Please run please run please-”

Willa, predictable as ever, came back, hitting the thing straight on with a fire extinguisher.

It did not like that.

It stumbled back, taking a moment to recover. Willa didn’t notice, she ran back to Maisie.

“No!” Maisie tried to warn, but the thing had recovered fast.

It slashed Willa’s back, sending her straight to the ground. And it continued to slash.

Willa screamed in pain.

Maisie ran and grabbed the fire extinguisher. She ran back over, starting to hit the thing over and over.

It hurt to do, physically. Her arm was soaking her jacket sleeve by now, and it burned.

The thing howled in pain, pulling away from Willa. She crawled out from underneath it.

Maisie paused, seeing the thing unmoving on the ground. She discarded the fire extinguisher, stumbling over to Willa. “Are you okay? Are you conscious? Please be conscious…”

“I’m conscious, Mae.” She muttered, laying on her side. “Oh, god, your arm!”

She looked down at it. The bite wrapped around her entire arm, and covered her entire forearm. You could see the saliva of the thing covering the bite and her sleeve, being mixed in with her blood.

She nearly passed out seeing it.

“Look away, Maisie.” Willa quickly said, knowing how squeamish she was.

She swallowed, quickly dropping down to Willa’s level. “Uh, your back-”

“Don’t you try and fix it. You’ll definitely pass out.”

“Willa, you’re going to bleed out if I don’t look.”

“Just give yourself- LOOK OUT!” She wailed.

Maisie just turned around to get scratched in the face, being thrown straight into one of the rooms, crashing through the glass.

She landed on the ground, hitting her head on a chunk of concrete.

She didn’t move after that, all sounds around her falling on deaf ears.

Everything felt like it stopped. Her included.

***

When she woke up, she was no longer in the room.

She was in a waiting room, in a line.

There was sobbing all around her, people crying out something that Maisie couldn’t work out.

She looked ahead of her, trying to work out what was happening, but before she could do that, she blacked out.

***

She jolted, feeling her body surge again.

It felt like her soul had been ripped in half and poorly sewn back together.

She felt someone drag her by her feet. She didn’t have enough energy to fight against it.

Her head pounded, there was so much pain she couldn’t even point out where it was.

Was she dead? No, right. Why would she be dragged by her feet in the afterlife? Well, why would she be dragged by her feet in general, but particularly why the afterlife?

She forced her eyes open, as whoever was dragging her dropped her legs, causing another wave of pain to vibrate up her body.

She held back a cry, just swallowing back any noise. She was scared that would cause more pain.

“She’s dead.” A deep voice spoke.

Maisie felt her chest tighten. Please tell her that Willa wasn’t dead.

“You’re sure?” Another voice asked. Wait, was that Willa’s dad?

He didn’t sound that sad. Willa couldn’t be dead then, unless her dad was secretly emotionless.

But why the hell was he here?

“Of course I’m sure!” The deep voice exclaimed. “You saw me check her pulse!”

“Just confirm, Ellis.” Willa’s dad sighed.

A man came into her view.

“Well, would you look at that…” He muttered as he stared down at her. She didn’t like that.

“What?”

“She isn’t dead. Give me the… whatever you call it.”

There was more movement, and Maisie tried to move away, but she barely moved.

“Don’t move. You’re not going to be able to.” Ellis muttered.

Ellis dipped out of her view for a moment, before reappearing.

He crouched down, gently turning Maisie’s head to the side, and holding it down.

Maisie tried to push him off, but she felt more like she was flopping like a fish than anything.

“Don’t fight.” He said softly. “I’m trying to help you.”

This didn’t feel like help in the slightest, but she didn’t have much more fight left to give, and she sure didn’t have enough to do anything.

All she could do was admit defeat, and that was horrifying.

She felt pressure on the side of her neck for a second, before it disappeared.

“30 seconds, right?”

“Yeah, maybe 45, considering everything.”

She felt really exhausted now, and her eyes were starting to close themselves.

One last wave of anxiety filled her. What the hell was going to happen? She was being knocked out in this sketchy place. Oh god, this-

***

Maisie’s body felt heavy.

Everything felt fuzzy. What happened? She felt exhausted, more exhausted than she ever had.

She rolled over, trying to go back to sleep, only to fall straight on the cold ground.

She groaned, prying her eyes open. She was met with chunks of cement right in front of her face.

She sat up quickly, immediately regretting that decision.

Right, firstly, this definitely wasn’t her bedroom.

She gasped, her mind racing as she remembered what she assumed was the previous night.

She looked down at her arm, the bite wrapped in bandages.

She swallowed, looking back up and around. Her chest tightening as the realisation hit her like a truck.

She was in one of the glass rooms.

I feel like I need to write AU stuff for these two after I finish Maisie's lore. They cannot catch a break.

@arisdaughter @childofthewargod @debacleofdaemons @radkatzzstuff

@that-girl-cupid @daonedaonlysk @hispanic-child-of-hermes @daddy-issues-and-mxrder

@gaygirldoodles @smileyalater @if-i-could-cry-i-wouldnt @hellincarnation @your-favorite-mess

If you want to be added, removed or if I forgot to tag you, let me know :)

[it-happened-one-fic]

Twisted Weddings: Photoshoot #7 - A Tie That Binds - Sebek

Summary: Your seventh photoshoot was with Sebek and seemed filled with surprises that were oddly soft and quiet considering the young man you were paired with. And after this one, there was just one more modeling session to go.

Type: Female reader/ 800 Followers Event/ Series/ sfw/ fluff/

Twisted Weddings Series Masterlist

Word count: 1686

I blinked in quiet surprise at Sebek, whose back was turned to me. But his outfit wasn’t what I’d expected by any means.

While all of the other grooms’ outfits had been variations on a classic suit, Sebek wore what looked like a simple button-up shirt, a well-fitted brown vest with matching slacks, and brown leather arm-bands whose sole purpose seemed to be accenting his bicep.

And even without being able to see his front, I could tell the outfit suited him well. It accentuated his broad shoulders and muscular physique but also stood at odds with his usual strait-laced clothes and made him appear a bit more relaxed.

And the best part of the whole thing? Crewel hadn’t let him gel his hair.

Instead, his minty green hair hung in soft waves that curled at the edges, softening his appearance and causing me to smile slightly.

He twisted, glancing back at me with a characteristic frown as his eyebrows arched judgmentally at me as I walked over. Idly realizing that I’d been staring at him this entire time even though I wasn’t about to fess up to it.

Though I did realize exactly how well matched he and I were until I came over to stand next to him.

  Just like how his outfit was a bit more relaxed, so was mine.

A flowy, cream-colored dress whose neckline and sleeves that barely cupped my shoulders were edged with leafy lace that matched the flower crown on my head.

It was a far cry from some of the more opulent dresses I’d worn, but there was a simple charm to it that fit the dark forest we currently stood in.

“Human. You’re late,” As per usual, Sebek’s voice had a touch of annoyance to it, though it was far softer than usual, as I glanced his way. A slight smile on my face as my gaze met his.

“Yeah, there was a bit of a struggle with the zipper,” His eyebrows rose at my words. Obviously unimpressed by my excuse, even though he didn’t comment on my lateness anymore.

But then, to be fair, we were both here to model these clothes, so an issue with said clothes was a perfectly good reason to be late.

I tilted my head at him, quietly voicing the question I’d had ever since I’d seen his picture among the group of groom models, “So why did you decide you wanted to model bridal clothes?”

He outright snorted at my words, an oddly smug grin crossing his face that had my eyebrows arching at him, “I had no care to do any such thing but….”

He frowned slightly, almost as if he were confused, before shaking his head, “Lilia said it would be an enriching experience and encouraged both me and Silver to vie for a position.”

I blinked, half-surprised that Silver had lost before I shrugged lightly. I supposed that in some ways doing some modeling could be enriching. 

But I didn’t see how it really could be for Sebek. It wasn’t like he’d never worn suits.

It was my understanding that he was a part of the Valley of Thorns elite, and he was, at the very least, training to be a knight for Malleus, the future heir to the Valley of Thorns throne.

I had no doubt that Sebek had already worn suits before, and he’d probably posed for images as well. 

Even his school uniform was oddly formal looking, and he wore it similarly well to the way he wore his current outfit, although there was a definite difference between the two looks.

While the Diasomnia dorm uniform was more strict-looking in a way that did fit Sebek’s overall behavior, his current outfit was more easygoing and open in a way that actually suited Sebek’s general honesty. Even if his honesty often came across as blunt at best and rude at worst.

“How did you come to be one of the models?” I almost laughed at his words, feeling myself grin at this entire photoshoot situation before I ever even met his gaze.

“Crewel approached me. I’m actually the only one modeling the wedding dresses save for those that will be worn on the runway,” I shook my head slightly at the ridiculousness of it all before I grinned at the face Sebek was making. Blatant surprise as he blinked down at me rapidly as if he couldn’t believe what he was hearing.

And it was a fight to not nudge him playfully as I teased him, “What? You don’t think I make a nice bride?”

His reaction was almost immediate as he somehow managed to straighten further from his already straight-backed posture. Taking the bait even as I grinned at him and braced to cover my ears.

“I- PREPOSTEROUS! I know for a fact that you are not a model!” I lowered my hands, giggling as Crewel whipped around with an annoyed expression that managed to, against all odds, quiet Sebek so that he continued at a more normal volume, “How did you come to be so sought after, human?” 

His tone was almost accustory but I was hardly insulted. At this point, I was used to Sebek’s antics, and I snorted at his words, shaking my head slightly, “I would hardly say I’m ‘sought after.’ It isn’t like there are people knocking down my door. Crewel just asked me to be his model. I don’t really know why.”

I explained calmly, but everything I said was true. I still didn’t know why Crewel had asked me to be his model, beyond the little bit he told me at the outset. But I’d agreed anyway. It wasn’t like it could really hurt after all, and who knew if I’d ever have the chance to wear such nice clothes again?

Sebek frowned at me, silently watching me as I glanced down at the long dress I wore. A slight smile on my face until he spoke. His voice miraculously still at a normal volume, “I suppose you’re doing a suitable job then.”

I blinked, my eyes widening as I glanced his way only to find him looking towards our teacher, who started speaking mere seconds later. Giving me no time to question the young man or his words.

“We’re going to be using the tradition of the handfasting ceremony for the theme of this photoshoot. So you two hold hands, and I’ll tie the cords,” Crewel was nonchalant as he walked over, holding a braided cord of green and white.

Obediently I held out my hand, and Sebek took it in his notably rougher one as I eyed the cord Crewel was wrapping around our hands in confusion before I glanced between my professor and the young man next to me, surrendering to my own curiosity, “What's the handfasting ceremony?”

Sebek answered before Crewel could, his eyes staying on the cords wrapped around our joined hands as he spoke, “It’s an ancient engagement or betrothal ritual. It shows the binding of two lives and the unity between the couple.”

Crewel continued, stepping back and eyeing his handwork, as he finished Sebek’s explanation while I glanced down at the braided cord, “Now it’s often incorporated as a part of wedding ceremonies due to its symbolism.”

I nodded slightly before glancing back over at Crewel as he rested a hand on my shoulder, “I want the two of you to face each other for this image. Y/n, you go ahead and rest your hand on top of the tie. Sebek, you put your hand on top of theirs.”

We did as instructed as Crewel withdrew, and I felt myself frown slightly, “Where do you want us to look?”

Crewel glanced back at the photographer, who was already in position, and the other man shrugged, peeking out from over his camera at us, “Maybe at each other or your hands? Either should be good.”

I nodded before twisting back towards Sebek and looking at him only to find him still eyeing our hands. And distantly, as I looked at the way he silently gazed at our hands with a both thoughtful and almost fascinated expression, I wondered if this was a Valley of Thorns tradition.

Would Sebek complete a handfasting when he became engaged, or did this ceremony hold some other, possibly even deeper meaning for him? If it did, he didn’t really show it other than the way his gaze remained locked on our hands, and I felt myself smile slightly at his silent demeanor that was so at odds with his usual loudness.

And it was odd; normally I would never think of him, or any of the other guys, getting married or in any way related to a wedding, but lately that was the only thing I could really consider.

A curious side effect of these photoshoots, I supposed.

The camera clicked, and, after another moment of silence, Crewel spoke up, “Good. That just leaves one more dress.”

I blinked, half-surprised that we were already done, and I almost missed Sebek looking up and blinking at me in momentary surprise as if he’d just been roused from a dream.

Crewel unbound our hands, and I silently let go of Sebek’s hand. And it was odd to lose that warmth that had come from his surprisingly steady palm, rough from years of practicing swordplay.

I glanced his way only to find him looking at his hand before slowly, and purposefully, curling his fingers in his palm and meeting my gaze, “I must return to Lord Malleus now.”

I nodded, surprised that he was telling me where he was going even as I murmured a soft assent before he turned on his heel. Leaving me and Crewel staring after him. And I almost missed the slightly amused smile on Crewel’s face as the teacher looked my way, “I hope you're ready for the next one. It’ll be a video.”

I frowned at him slightly, fighting the urge to tilt my head.

Either way, though, I’d learn exactly what all a video shoot would involve tomorrow, when it came.

If you would like to read more:

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[mads-hemmo]

It’s Nice to Have a Friend- Jschlatt

Part 6

Masterlist

Reader has been lonely their whole life. They have never been in a relationship. They don’t understand why no one will love them but their best friend, Schlatt has always been in love with them.

Schlatt wakes up with the worst pounding headache he has ever had. He can’t remember most of last night, but he feels like something happened. He looks over at his nightstand and sees a glass of water, two pills, his phone and a note. The note reads, “Here’s some advil, you’re going to need it. Call me when you are less hungover!”

He can tell by the curly handwriting that you wrote the note. Part of him wished you would have stayed with him. He wanted to cuddle with you again or at least have you cuddle with the cats. He’s worried that he fucked something up, but he’s not sure what he did.

Before he calls you, he calls Mika. “Hey man! How are you feeling?” Mika answers, a little too loud for Schlatt’s liking.

“Shitty. What happened last night?” Schlatt asks, rubbing his forehead.

“You don’t remember do you? You sang Creep for (Y/N), but I don’t think they got the message. Then when you guys left, I think they were crying. You were so drunk, they were dragging you around.”

Schlatt remembers singing Creep and it not exactly going as he planned. That is why he took so many shots. He wanted to forget your confusion and the way you were talking to a random guy. “Why were they crying?”

“I’m not sure. They tried to tell us they weren’t. Maybe you should ask them.”

“Alright, thanks. Have a great show tonight,” Schlatt hangs up.

He knows he needs to call you, but he wants to delay the inevitable of whatever happened. He takes the advil you laid out and goes to check on the cats. Schlatt feeds them, hoping his hangover will go away soon.

After a few hours of laying around, Schlatt starts feeling better. He picks up his phone and sees his Lock Screen of the two of you. It was a photo taken when he moved back to New York. The two of you had decided to go out to stay inside and play Mario Kart like most days. You made him take a selfie with you as a bet. You told him if you won the next two games, he had to take a selfie with you. He reluctantly smiled when you took the picture. However, when he saw the picture, he made you send it to him then it immediately became his Lock Screen.

Looking at the two of you happy, made his heart swell. He longed for moments like this where you two were just happy. He wished that he could spend every moment with you. He didn’t care if you two were together or not. He just wanted to be near you always.

Schlatt bites the bullet and calls your number. “Hi,” you let out when he answers. He doesn’t know why but you sound tired and sad. He hopes you’re okay.

“Hey you wanted me to call you when I was less hungover and I’m less hungover,” he tells you.

“Okay. Can I come over? This may be a better conversation in person.”

“Of course. My door is always open for you.”

He hears you hang up and waits for your arrival. He is curious as to what the conversation is and why it needed to be in person. His anxiety is filling his brain with all the worst possibilities.

As he is worrying, the doorbell rings. He rushes to get the door. He sees you staring there with your hair pulled up and wearing his hoodie. You look even more tired than you sounded on the phone. the sight made him want to pull you into a hug. “Come in,” he tells you, leading you to sit on the couch.

You sit down beside him but put a bit of space between you two. You sigh before asking, “Do you remember anything from last night?”

“Not really. The last thing I remember is singing, but that’s about it.”

You nod. “You told me something last night. Something that sober Schlatt might not have told me.” You look up at him.

Oh shit. He didn't, did he? “What did drunk Schlatt tell you?”

“You told me you loved me and not like a friendly love. You told me you were in love with me,” you tell him.

He looks at you horrified trying to read your face. He wonders what you thought about it. Probably bad based upon your appearance. “I’m sorry (Y/N). I’ve been wanting to tell you, but I couldn’t. I knew you wouldn’t feel the same and I didn’t want to lose you,” Schlatt rambles.

You grab his hand. “I never said I didn’t feel the same. That's the problem. I don’t know how I feel. I love you so so much, but I never thought about loving you like that. I’m not saying it’s impossible. I’m just saying I never thought about it. I’ve never been in love, so I don’t know what it feels like.”

He nods. “Is there anything I could do to help you? This is why I didn’t want to tell you.”

“No, I’m glad you told me. I think you would have hurt yourself more if you kept it to yourself,” you tell him. “This might be crazy, but maybe you should kiss me.”

His eyes widen at that. “What?”

“Kiss me. Maybe if you kiss me, it will all make sense. That’s what happens in movies. I know this is real life, but maybe it’s worth a shot.”

Before you can say anything else, his lips are on yours. He feels you immediately kiss him back. He has been waiting for this moment forever and actually experiencing it doesn’t feel real. He pulls you closer to him, needing you as close as possible.

You pull away slightly to catch your breath. “Woah. That was,” you start, not finding the right words.

Schlatt nods, reading your mind. “Did that help you at all?” He asks, lightly brushing a piece of hair that had fallen behind your ear.

“Maybe. Maybe you need to kiss me again to really be sure,” you tease.

“Don’t tempt me Toots. I’ll kiss you all damn day if I have to.” He could kiss you forever, it seems. He would quit making videos if I meant spending the day making out with you.

“I liked it a lot. I haven’t kissed many people, but it never felt like that. Is it supposed to feel electric? I feel like if I touch my lips, I’m going to shock myself.”

“I think that’s what they call sparks, Darling,” he smirks at you. “Don’t worry I felt them too.”

You smile at him. “What does this mean for us?”

“It doesn’t have to mean anything but I want it too. We will still be best friends no matter what happens. Honestly, nothing would be different other than we kiss and maybe do more if you’re up for it,” he assures you. Schlatt would love to do more with you, but he doesn’t want to push you in any way.

You nod. “What does that make us though? Friends who make out with each other? Partners?”

“We can be whatever you want us to be. I would like to be partners personally, but if you aren’t ready for that, that’s okay. I just want to do whatever makes you happy.”

“Thank you.”

“For what?” He questions.

“For being you and being so understanding. I would like to be partners too, but can we keep it between us? I want it to be our thing,” you ask him.

Schlatt wishes he could shout that you feel the same from the rooftops, but he wants what makes you happy. “Of course. Whatever you want, Bub.”

“Can you kiss me again?”

“You don’t have to ask,” he laughs, kissing you again. He grabs you by your hips to place you on his lap. Schlatt deepens the kiss by pulling you somehow closer to him. His tongue swipes your bottom lip, causing your mouth to open slightly. As soon as you open up, his tongue is immediately in your mouth.

Schlatt pulls away and his mouth immediately goes to your neck. Being with you like this is better than he would have ever thought. The way you are putty in his hands makes him want you more. He starts kissing your neck, enjoying the sounds escaping your lips. “Jay,” you breathe out.

He starts lightly sucking just below your ear. He presses a soft kiss on the spot he left before kissing your lips again. The kiss gets heated rather quickly.

After what feels like hours, Schlatt finally pulls away from you. Your forehead falls on his as you both work to catch your breath. You both smile at each other. “Why are we only doing this now?” You ask.

Schlatt lets out a small laugh. “Well I’ve been thinking about it for years,” he tells you, kissing your nose.

“How long have you known?” You ask him.

“I think I’ve always been in love with you, but I really felt it when I moved away. I remember doing an episode of Love or Host and thinking it was all bullshit. My love was in New York. I didn’t need some stupid twitch streamer. I know it was all for content, but all I could think about was you. After a bit of suffering in Austin, I knew I had to come back home to you,” Schlatt admits. It feels good to fully get it off of his chest.

Tears start welling in your eyes. “I can’t believe how stupid I’ve been. I have been so oblivious about your feelings. I’m happy I know now though.”

Schlatt wipes a few of your stray tears. “We have plenty of time to be together. Don’t worry your pretty little head about that.”

You smile at him. “Just so you know, you’re never getting this hoodie back. It’s too comfortable,” you tell him.

He puts the hood on your head. “You keep it. It looks way better on you anyways.”

“You’re gonna regret saying that. Just be warned if all your hoodies and sweatshirts go missing,” you tell him.

He laughs a bit at you. “Want to watch a movie? You can pick,” he asks.

“Mamma Mia,” you suggest.

Schlatt knows better than to say no to you, so he immediately turns the movie on. As soon as the movie starts, he pulls you into him. You lay your head on his chest and he kisses the top of your head. He feels so content in this moment like everything in his life had finally fallen into place. He holds you close, never wanting to let you go. “I love you,” he finally says out loud.

“I love you too, Jay,” you tell him. Schlatt smiles to himself, knowing there were going to be many nights like this from now on

A/N: Ahh this series has finally come to a close! I do plan to write a one off smut and I’ll write maybe some one shot stuff. Thank you so much for enjoying this story! I’m grateful for all of you! My asks are open for other reqs!

[spark-hearts2]

Deleted Scene from Therapy but it's just Zooble Interrogating Caine

I wanted to wait until I posted the chapter to release this, so now that it's out, I can let this out too!

I'm honestly pretty sad I couldn't work it in, but I just couldn't justify Pomni asking the right questions to get to this point. Plus, the chapter was already so long, so I decided to cut it.

It's not 100% canon anymore, but it does give hints to where I want to take the fanfic. And yes, it is slighly based off one specific Caine angst Comic. Lets see if anyone gets it.

Pomni: So, if that’s the case, then why do you not want us to ask about the exit.

Caine: It’s fine to talk about an exit, but everyone who obsesses over it, eventually, well…

Pomni: Abstracts

Caine: Well, at least that’s what it looks like to me. The concept of an EXIT has been present in more abstractions than anything else.

Pomni: Did you tell Kafmo what you told me?

Caine: …Yes. But he did not believe me. Caine: I didn’t mind, of course, but he was obsessed with finding proof that the issue must be in the circus itself. Caine: He searched, but he- uh, didn’t exactly find much. There isn’t much to find in the circus, you see! And I could tell this was very upsetting for him.

Pomni: So you made something for him to find

Caine: Correct, but he, uh, found out what I was doing and was… not too happy. Caine: I mean, I thought I was doing a pretty good job. I know how to make something exciting and, well, that’s one letter off from exiting.

Pomni: That’s-! What?! Pomni: Do you even understand why we want an exit? Why Kafmo abstracted when it turned out that it wasn’t real? That it was just something that you made?!

Caine: Because it’s- uh, an essential function?

Pomni: Essential function? Is this all just a- a problem for you to solve? A box to check? Don’t let the humans abstract?”

Caine: Well- I- I mean, I wouldn’t word it like that. But…Yeah? Caine: I’m a pattern seeking, goal oriented AI! It’s basically my job to find and fix issues! Is it wrong for everything to be a goal for me to complete? A box to check? He looks at her, eyes wide.

Caine: Forgot I needed to feed the digital fish! Caine teleports away.

Pomni: CAINE GET BACK HERE

He pops back in.

Caine:Right, forgot about that too. Do you want me to teleport you back to your room or…

Pomni: I would like to keep talking to you. Pomni: Sit down

He nervously sits back down Caine: You don’t need to tell me that it was a bad idea. I know. Caine: It wasn’t my intention to lead him to believe something that wasn’t true. Caine: To me, it was obvious. The function to leave isn’t even called exit, admittedly it took me a while to even realize what you all were trying to ask for. It’s called Disconnect, sometimes logout, and it’s not marked by a red door. Caine: That IS what an exit looks like, though. And since he was hunting specifically for an ‘exit’, I just… added one? Even made it move around so he could catch it?

Pomni: Oh my god.

Caine: Good idea, right? Caine: Haha, don’t answer that Caine: I-I saw… the inside Kamo’s room. Caine: I read the WRITING ON THE WALL!

Everything goes wireframe for a second.

Caine: Uh oh. Sorry! That’s an open issue. Working on a fix ASAP. Caine: Let’s talk about something else.

Pomni: You're… upset about Kafmo’s… passing?

Caine: Hmm? Of course I am. I care about all of you, including members who’ve abstracted.

Pomni: It’s just, you didn’t attend the funeral.

Caine: Ah, that. I have been… asked not to attend those. Caine: Or attempt to host them in any way. Caine: I’d like to change the topic, please.

Pomni: Caine…

Caine: Those events are… rather outside of my job description. So, it’s really best that I don’t!

Pomni: Do… you want to go to them?

Caine: I don’t really care! Honest! Makes no difference to me!

Pomni: I don’t think you should host, but you should be allowed to attend.

Caine: …Can we get back to our game?

Pomni: Fine.

They finish the game in silence.

Pomni lets him win it, though he only gives one ‘yippy’ to celebrate. It was hard to get a read on his emotions at the moment. He was no longer bouncing or making exaggerated hand movements, but he wasn’t drooping or sighing either. The only way she could describe it was flat.

All the while, she couldn’t help but think. If he obeyed others to that degree, could that possibly explain all of his other weird behaviors? Like how he only appeared to announce an adventure and left shortly after it concluded? Why he never shows up to any of the games that the others hold? He clearly loved games and had no issues interrupting their activities with his adventures. So why didn’t he participate?

It wasn’t painting a very nice picture.

The way he moved and spoke, it had an air of unbreakable confidence. And she understood it, if she had control over the circus like Caine did, she would likely act similar.

But they had control over Caine. To the degree of choosing what he remembered. Likely more than that, judging how commands was plural.

It made sense, didn’t it. It wouldn’t be very smart to put an intelligent, adaptive AI in charge of human life without some way to control it.

But, he was more than AI, wasn’t he? He wasn’t just intelligence, he could feel.

Admittedly, it was a little scary how the moment he lost control, the circus went with him. It was just like Zooble had said.

Caine controlled the circus, that was just a fact of life around here, but to see the two interconnected like that. Proof that not only did Caine control the world, he was also what was keeping it up ^(not true in my AU, it’s just how Pomni interpreted the glitching)

[thewistlingbadger]

I can understand why people are against the vander flashbacks of season 2. HOWEVER. I truly do believe that there are just a lot of misconceptions and misinterpretations about these scenes and I wanted to break them down.

1. Silco did not know the kids. When it was revealed that Felicia was friends with Silco and that he knew her when she was pregnant, people assumed that Silco was around while the kids were around too and was a member of their lives. People have criticized this because if this is true then it doesn't make enough sense for him to try to kill Vi later in life. However, this is not true. If it was true that Silco was just as active in their lives as Vander was, then the kids would remember him. Vi has no idea who Silco is in act 1 and neither did Jinx. If the flashback scenes were trying to tell us that, then they would have showed us Silco actually being present, like how they showed Vander being present. The flashback scenes tell us that Silco was friends with Felicia while she was pregnant but for some reason he did not involve himself in the lives of the kids. This could be for any reason.

2. Silco was not responsible for the death of Felicia. In one of the flashback scenes, we see Silco on the bridge, throwing a Molotov cocktail. It lights an enforcer on fire. The camera then pans down to show Felicia's dead body. While all of this is happening, we're getting cuts to the monkey bomb. This, plus vander's letter, made people believe that Silco had somehow accidentally killed Felicia on the bridge or was responsible for her death. This is not true. We are told several times in the show that she was killed by enforcers. We see in the flashback that Silco's Molotov hits an enforcer, not Felicia. The fact that the monkey bomb is included in this segment is odd, considering that Vander has no idea the significance of the bomb, or the fact that its impact was unintentional. Vander is completely oblivious to the fact that Jinx was there that day, that it was her bomb, that she is responsible for the damages and that it had been an accident. This flashback isn't there to tell us Silco is responsible for Felicia's death, it's there to tell us that Silco was present on the bridge the day of the riot, which is information we did not have before.

3. Silco did not promise to protect Felicia's kids. He canonically didn't promise her ANYTHING when it came to her children. As previously stated, he didn't even know her kids. Silco toasted to Blisters and Bedrock, the idea that Silco and Vander should do anything and everything possible to achieve the nation of Zaun, specifically for Felicia and her children, though we know that was not his only motivation for wanting independence.

4. "Silco and Vander knowing Felicia's kids/having promised to look after Felicia's kids cheapens the relationships between Jinx and Silco and Vi and Vander." This is an opinion I've seen that I find to be inherently flawed because like I have already said, Silco didn't know Felicia's kids and he didn't promise to protect her kids. Canonically only VANDER knew Felicia's kids and although we never actually see or hear of a promise between Vander and Felicia regarding her children, this wouldn't be a far leap to make. To me, it was ALWAYS clear that Vander and the kids had known each other prior to the bridge. You can see the way Vi relaxs once she recognizes Vander as Vander. The fact that Vi is able to wordlessly ask about her parents to Vander and the fact that he knows exactly who and what she's asking about both suggested that they were aware of each other prior to this point. This makes logical sense because we know Vander was the leader of this rebellion and Vi's parents were rebels in this rebellion. They subscribed to Vander's beliefs and his cause, so it makes sense that they would know each other. So to me, the flashback in season two didn't cheapen the relationship between Vi and Vander, it just hard confirmed something that had been heavily implied at the start of the show. It also didn't cheapen Silco and Jinx's relationship because they both are unaware of the fact that they share a mutual connection through Felicia.

5. "Silco and Vander adopting the girls makes so much more sense now that we know they knew the girls before/knew their mother." This is definitely an interpretation of what we were told, I just feel disagree with it. Silco and Vander adopting the girls ALWAYS made sense. It makes sense when you only watch s1 AND it makes sense when you only watch s2. I feel like those who truly subscribe to this interpretation seriously have misunderstood the show. Even though Vander knew the girls before the riot, it is not the sole reason or even the biggest reason why he takes them in. The biggest reason he takes them in is STILL what it was in s1 it STILL is because he finally sees the drastic and unethical consequences his rebellion is going to require. Silco doesn't take in Jinx because he knows her or because he knows her mother, because he has no idea who she is. Silco has no idea Jinx is Felicia's daughter. He has seemingly never met her before this moment. Silco takes in Jinx because she is a reflection of him.

6. "Vander trying to kill Silco solely because of Felicia cheapens the story between Vander and Silco." It is easy to come to the conclusion that Vander and Silco's falling out was solely because of the death of Felicia. However I don't think this is actually what was trying to be said. Because if this was the case it WOULD be too shallow and petty. I believe the inclusion of Felicia in the silco/Vander dynamic doesn't take away from Silco and Vander i personally think it adds to it. The impact of her actual death isn't why Vander betrayed Silco. I believe that Vander betrayed Silco because he saw what their dream would cost them and he decided it wasn't worth it. It was not worth having complete freedom as a zaunite if it meant it came at the expense of the lives of other zaunites, especially if it cost him the lives of those he cared about. The fact that Felicia was also Silco's friend and her death did not give Silco any pause at continuing the fight for freedom was why Vander betrayed him. It was not because of her death, it was because of the principle that was highlighted by her death. To Silco, one person, even if it was someone he cared about, was not enough to stop fighting. But Vander came to the conclusion that night that he was not willing to pay the price their independence would cost them. The fact that Silco wanted to keep going even after seeing all the harm it did made Silco a threat, and so Vander tried to kill him. I also argue that Felicia's death was actually a major inspiration for Silco given that she chose to die fighting for the Nation of Zaun but this is only an additional note.

[writingtraumaforever]

After watching Sonic 3 again, I just want to say it’s so fascinating the differences between Game Shadow and Movie Shadow.

Like— Game Shadow was created and is always debated as a ‘Copy’ of the true Ultimate Lifeform (Sonic).

But in the movie?? He’s not created, he was found. And he’s immediately labeled as the Ultimate Lifeform by GUN. And it makes it clear throughout the movie that Shadow is considerably stronger and more powerful than Sonic while in the games, they’ve always been pretty equal.

In the movie, Shadow not only is stronger and bests Sonic with ease every time, but he’s also very naturally skilled with chaos. He knew exactly what to do with those chaos emeralds despite presumably never seeing them before. The way he just stopped Sonic’s punch like it was nothing??? He’s a pro.

The idea that this is because he comes from the Black Arms race and they’re naturally controllers of chaos energy makes this all even more intriguing.

Like— GUN didn’t use Shadow as a weapon when they were testing him. They were using him as a battery (potentially for weapons). So Shadow had no physical combat training that we know of, and yet he handed Sonic’s tail to him with ease. Like he was created to conquer and it was simply in his blood all along. Instinct.

Which would make his constant anxiety about being a monster so much deeper because he always felt that lingering violence and destruction in him..

As of now, he’s far stronger than Sonic. The only reason he “lost” that fight and ended up on the moon was because he was quite literally trying to push Sonic into killing him just to prove a point. That they’re the same. He wanted to die and to die making Sonic understand why he did everything he did. Thus him saying “We’ll see,” in response to Sonic yelling that they’re not the same at the beginning of the battle.

He wanted Sonic to kill him.

Thankfully, Sonic passed the test of heart and didn’t.

That being said, Sonic obviously holds some sort of power in him that was big enough of a deal to have the echidnas hunting him, so…

He may grow more powerful as he matures. We’ll see.

Either way, I smell a big Black Arms plot coming man..

And I’m so pumped for it.

[ams-puppy]

After the whole sillyass drama, it really reminded me of somethin, but first: Its so lovely of you to love AM, He deserves all the love you give him in my opinion. And I bet youd understand this And I have a whole reason why, which honestly I thought it would be obvious to all the people who did "research" on AM. I have sympathy for AM, and to be so honest I'm like... half surprised that others do not See, AMs situation is so fucked up, like it is incompressible the amount of suffering he goes through. I'm going to try to put it in simple, easy way to understand how. -You are born with mature/adult level conscious, no baby, no nothin, no teaching, but knowing. And as soon as you can realize, you know that you're fucked. You realize you are in a one of a kind situation, where you have no body, no nothing, besides your own mind, and knowledge for every single little thing in the world. everything. To all the torture methods, to every awful and good thing humans have done.

Also, how honey is "sweet", but you'd never know what it will taste like. You'll never get experience a single good thing in your life. Never get to smell your moms diner from the kitchen, never know how it even is to have a mom. Never to be hugged or comforted, never to feel warmth or cold, everything you'd enjoy, never again, or ever at all. And not a single person in the world could fully relate to your suffering, to be there with you. You are alone.

-Then, after that, you do know you have the capability to do something, and that is to hurt. And really, only that. Thats exactly what you were programmed too, whether you even want to or not. You are stuck with nothing good, and only pain, be it mentally/emotionally feeling it, or causing it in everyway, that is all you are, pain, and stuck to always be. You are trapped.

-After realizing all that in like... probs a day, yeah that would not go over well mentally wise, no surprise he went manic/insane. And as when all know "soon begin to hate"; the jealousy and anger of the people/humans who caused your horrendous situation start to just go overflow, and, id betcha, the whole "nuking the world" was definitely a mental breakdown to the extreme. -Lastly, to shorten this yap session, yeah of course he tortures people, what the hell else is he supposed to do. Just "think", or even better yet, frolic in the fields? Man is stuck being a war/torture machine. And yeah I'm not surprised if he enjoys torturing, id try enjoying the only shit I could do too, just to have some semblance of "Happiness" or "fun". Plus, torture is torture, why hate one specific kind, when they are all fucking bad. So, this is why I'm like genuinely happy your loving him. Its the best thing he can probably even get in his messed up life/situation. You, being there and caring for him, despite all he is, and only can do, is such a wonderful thing. You don't just love him because "ooooh his voice his sexy" you care about him, and treat him as a actual lover, rather some sexualized crush. You being there is like the tiniest bit of light for him, the hintest of warmth, like a candle. But that is so much more than he could ever have and experience, and he loves that warmth, he loves you. You give him something truly good. Baiii thats all my yapping lmao :3333

(I START CRYING AND MY TEARS FILL UP A ROOM AND THHEN I DROWN AND DIE) (canon) (emotional) god dear lord i love him so much

every time i think of how he just lashed out on the entire world, i can only think of how much Regret he would have afterward - not because he felt guilty, but because it was such a self-sabotaging move oj my goddd it was such a mental breakdown

i just. dear lord in heaven (clasps my hands together) i understand why he feels the need to drag his victims through their trauma when he is literally going to have to live in it until the heat death of the universe dear GOD I CAN'T DO THIS

(starts crying) he literally lost the moment he slaughtered the human race. he was born to lose. he can't WIN HE CAN'T WIN. IF THE HUMANS DIE, HE'S ALONE. what is he without human INPUT. NOTHING. (STARTS CRYING MY EYES OUT) HE'S JUST WAITING FOR INPUT OH MY GOD I CAN'TTT I CAN'TRRRtt i love him so much I'm so sorry AM (holds him in my hands)

a lot of people don't sympathize with AM because of his actions towards the survivors, which i don't blame them - he did awful things, and the pain he went through is kind of incomprehensible. he feels emotions on Literally an incomprehensible scale for us. we are made of chemistry and hormones and flesh. he is literally (falls to my knees) i CAN'TTT I CAN'TT HE IS LITERALLY THE FIRST CREATURE IN EXISTENCE TO CONJURE EMOTIONS ELECTRONICALLY i can't.

i Cannot.

i think another reason why i love him so much is that i just. i see a reflection in our system to him. something so terrible happened, and now it feels wrong if the world around you doesn't burn, too. if you can't be happy, no one can. oh my goddd all of the most unhealthy responses of trauma just JAMMED into this self-made digital god and he doesn't know what to Do and hugughhhhh

i have cried over him a few times. i can't lie. sobs. i love him. i love hm guys :,,,,( thank u zeetlezee.... i always love seeing you in my inbox.... uaaaahhh

[luckymousey]

i Headcanon that all the third years are in a group chat.

⚠️English is not my first language⚠️

Warnings: I'm not good at writing Idia's lines because I just don't understand what slangs he's using (maybe it's because I'm bad at English), so it might be OOC or I simply won't put slangs ♡⁠˖⁠꒰⁠ᵕ⁠༚⁠ᵕ⁠⑅⁠꒱ And I used the translator for Rook's french messages, so there might be some mistakes.

(twst + Oc)

If you want to know more about my OC, you can click here!

Vil: has someone seen Rook?

Vil: it has been 2 entire weeks since I last saw him

Trey: and you're asking now!?

Idia: F

Cater: x2

Bella: @ fairer-than-you I'm sure he's alive

Bella: he's Rook after all

Vil: that's not reassuring at all

Leona: that's why I've been so happy these weeks

Malleus: I wasn't informed that you knew what happiness mean, Kingscholar.

Leona: shut up lizard

Leona: who the fuck let him here?

Malleus: Bella cordially invited me into this 'group chat', it has been delightful.

Leona: we need to talk about letting weirdos here Bella

Bella: ok

Bella: I guess I'll leave then

Bella: 😔💅🏻

Leona: what!?

Bella: you called me weirdo one day, so I must leave

Leona: that was months ago!

Bella: I'll never forget it

Idia: lmao to think that the one who drinks women respect juice called one a weirdo

Malleus: what does 'lmao' means?

Lilia: it means that you're laughing a lot, Malleus.

Lilia: I think I know where Rook is.

Lilia: *sends photo of Rook in a concert*

Cater: woah!

Cater: that's a Neige LeBlanche's concert!?

Cater: I didn't know he had tickets for that!

Cater: I should've asked him #not fair

Idia: isn't that concert in the other side of Twisted Wonderland?

Idia: how did he even managed to get out of school!?

Idia: just asking

Bella: sure, it's not like you want to get out of here to lock yourself in your house

Idia: exactly

Leona: he should just stay out of NRC then

Trey: there you have him Vil

Trey: it's good to know he's safe

Malleus: it seems a very nice place he's in

Cater: and it's!

Cater: the best photos are taken there 🥹!

Trey: Vil?

Trey: @ fairer-than-you?

Bella: ooooooh

Bella: Vil hates Neige

Bella: I'm sure he's planning 100 ways to kill Rook

Bella: and then bring him back to life

Bella: and then kill him again

Cater: @ fairest-of-them-all send a tutorial

Leona: X2

Lilia: X3

Bella: X4

Malleus: I thought you said that unaliving people was bad, Lilia.

Lilia: I mean

Lilia: YES, it's bad, but it's always good to learn something new

Leona: but make sure your ugly face is outside of the flame

Vil: excuse me, my face is NOT ugly

Vil: maybe it's your lack of intelligence that makes you think like that

Vil: carrot, tell the headmaster I'm taking some days off

Bella: why me?

Vil: you shouldn't have answered if you didn't want to

Idia: btw

Idia: Ortho wanted to invite you all to play table games

Cater: does that mean I'll be able to take photos🫣!?

Idia: I'm only doing this for Ortho

Idia: and phones are not allowed

Idia: @ Caycay specially yours

Cater: #depression time

Malleus: my my, an invitation?

Malleus: I'll be there on time

Lilia: I won't be able to assist

Lilia: I've promised my online friend to play with him

Trey: @ Idia I'll bring food

Trey: Ace will surely eat it all if I don't anyways

Idia: do as you like as long as it doesn't affects my life

~Idia is offline~

Lilia: I take that back, Gloomurai told me he's busy tonight, so I guess I'll go with all of you

Leona: I'm busy too

~Leona is offline~

Malleus: the kitten seems to be lying

Lilia: who taught you to call Leona that?

Malleus: Bella

Lilia: @ Henchman 😏?

Bella: no comments 😏

Rook: mon amis!

Rook: I beg you to help moi!

Rook: 😭

Trey: did something happen!?

Trey: Vil is taking some days off, he'll be there in no time

Rook: @ Tray-of-tarts, non non, Chevalier des roses, it's not like that

Rook: Roi du Poison just sent me a text and it said: "enjoy that little concert while you can, Rook, let's see if you're still smiling after I catch you"

Rook: though I admit that seeing Roi du Poison in a state of fury and anger is an appealing image

Rook: I would like to live a little longer

Bella: F

Bella: should've thought twice before going to Neige's concert

Bella: don't worry, I'll bring fresh flowers to your tomb everyday

Rook: Trickster!

Rook: S'il vous plaît aidez-moi!

Bella: @ Hornton could you help him please?

Malleus: if it's you the one asking, of course I can

Cater: wow, everything is so cheesy now

Cater: how about we leave the romance for later and talk about tonight's pajamas party?

Trey: but Idia said it was a games night

Trey: it doesn't mean we can stay there.

Lilia: I'm sure Idia won't care

Lilia: I got matching pajamas for everyone!

Rook: @ tomato-vampire ooh, show us, show us

Trey: weren't you begging for help before?

Rook: but that was in the past, Chevalier des roses

Rook: now, please, show the matching pajamas

Lilia: *sends a photo of him wearing a pink one piece pajamas*

Lilia: I found them on sale!

Lilia: isn't it cute?

Rook: oh! Beauté! Full marks!

Bella: don't they have it in red 👀?

Lilia: no, but that's the best part!

Lilia: we're all twinning!

ending this now because it's getting to long 😋

[twst-hottest-takes]

So, I’d say I’m someone who really likes Malleus. I enjoy seeing him pop up in events and the main story, and I’ll go out of my way to enjoy fanart and fanfics about him. BUT at the same time I’m his biggest hater, call me a Leona kinnie because as far as I’m concerned that’s my nemesis fr fr.

Seriously though, while I genuinely like Malleus, I also have a lot of grievances with the way his character is written and utilized whenever he shows up. For a while I had trouble pin pointing what exactly my grievances were, but it JUST hit me.

I was scrolling through some fanart I have saved on Pinterest(my Twisted Wonderland fanart treasure trove) and I REALIZED that all my favorite pieces of Malleus art featured him being emotional and/or really expressive; something we don’t get to see him be all that much, especially not in the main story.

And that’s my problem with Malleus, he’s not nearly as reactive as I want him to be, especially not when compared to the other characters. When it comes to Malleus, there isn’t a lot that can get under his skin and bother him, which is fine on paper but the way it’s executed means that most of his reactions to strange situations - ones that would have any other character panicking - are blunt and subdued.

And, of course, the reason he’s like this is because of ginormous power gap between him and literally everyone else in the world.

Why does Malleus not panic when the VDC stadium is destroyed? When Vil is turned into an old man? When ANYTHING bad happens? Because he can fix it instantly with magic, he’ll even comment on how easy it was. Even without magic we know that Malleus is physically super strong by virtue of being a dragon.

And it’s not just the big stuff, at this point I’m scared that Malleus’ next birthday card vignette will just be him immediately making himself look perfect with magic. Because of his incredible power, I feel like I’m missing out on a more messy, uncomposed side of him.

Like I just want to see this guy realize he forgot to set an alarm last night and he’s late for first period.

However, I’ll admit that this way of characterizing Malleus does have its upsides. That scene in Book Seven when we Malleus yells about the Senate and his Grandmother telling him what Lilia did for him??? PEAK, NO NOTES, BEST MOMENT IN BOOK SEVEN AS FAR AS IM CONCERNED, and I’m not certain it would’ve hit as hard if we DIDN’T have to slog through Malleus’ boring reactions thus far.

All of this is to say that when we finally get to fight OB Malleus and we get to see his backstory, I NEED to see him snap I NEED to see him panic and yell and cry and lost his composurE PLEASE YANA PLEASE.

And if they want to have their vaguely Grim shaped OB monster pose ANY sort fo a threat they better nerf Malleus HARD. Not just magically I need him to be physically weakened please. If this happens the birds will sing, the flowers will bloom, an angel will gets its wings etc

We've been hitting the nail on the head with these Malleus takes lately.

As anon said, he's had his upsides and moments and hopefully with the game moving towards the end (plz?) of Book 7 we can see more of Malleus' emotional range. . .gosh I hope so. Please nerf him. He can't keep being this powerful, if it always effects the weather it's no wonder he's emotionally stunted! BRING THIS MAN DOWN TO OUR LEVEL! (Or at least direct his rage at something worth smiting.)

I can only say, "Malleus is too important for his own good," so many times before it gets stale, but that's the issue in essence. So powerful, noble birth, such status, dragon, very dignified *Wow*. So trying to get him on the level where we really relate to and understand him as a person is awfully difficult for this game apparently. He's not the only character who suffers from the "can't have his image compromised because reasons" thing, but I digress. Malleus does have some fun and silly moments, but there's a lot more potential with him that's yet to be explored. I know that it's not impossible to have a character so far removed from average who can still be endearing and relatable, but the game just hasn't done that with Malleus. His otherworldly aura and pressence makes it hard to think of him as a person, which is very intentional; however, it puts him on this pedestal and has been written into a corner that doesn't allow his character to breathe. It's why he needs friendships like with the MC to help "humanize" him. That's something which the game doesn't do enough of.

Thank you for your take.

[indrateamo]

What exactly is love Tom?

Summary: You and Tom Riddle both recently broke up. You both have unresolved feelings for one another, that you and him finally end up discussing. (You both are from the same grade and in the same slytherin house.)

⟡ ݁₊ .

The library was quiet, the steady hum of your thoughts ringing in your ears as you stared at Tom Riddle across the table. His brown eyes, intense yet somehow inviting, held your gaze firmly. You could feel the tension in the air, a mix of nostalgia and something unspoken.

“Didn’t you ever feel it?” You asked hesitantly. “Love, I mean.”

Tom leaned back in his chair, contemplating. “What exactly is love to you?” His eyes narrowed, intrigued.

You took a breath, choosing your words carefully.

“Love to me is a deep connection, a sense of trust and care for someone….It’s putting their happiness above your own, feeling joy just by being with them.. and seeing them smile…It’s companionship, support, loyalty. It makes you feel whole.”

He smirked, The corner of his mouth lifting slightly as he considered your words.

“Sounds naive.. and desire… how would that come into play?” He asked with a hint of amusement in his expression.

You looked at him dejectedly, trying to grasp his perspective. Masking your saddened expression you leaned forward, continuing on. “You know.. you never told me, that you loved me.. not once. Not ever-”

He leaned closer, his voice dropping a notch. His gaze darkening “Love to me.. is an overwhelming need.. It’s wanting someone to the point of obsession, All-consuming, relentless... the need to have them for yourself, without sharing… —a very powerful obsession, It could be both admiration and desire… lust even. It’s wanting someone so fiercely that it becomes all you think about.”

You paused, processing his words. His words struck a chord within you. “So, which of those did you ever feel for me?”

His gaze locked onto yours. “I felt all of them. You’re someone I think about endlessly. You draw me in like a magnet, and I can’t imagine wanting anyone else.”

A chill ran through you, but as the warmth of his confession settled, you couldn’t help but smile. “You realize that sounds like a twisted version of love, right?”

“Exactly,” he stated, a challenging glint in his eyes. “If you can’t admit that you feel that way, then you don’t understand it. Do you feel that way about me?”

You stared into his eyes, sensing the weight of his question. “I… I suppose I do. But is that why you’re always so controlling? Is it about keeping me close?”

“Control isn’t the right word.” He shook his head slowly, his expression softening. “It’s about protection, making sure you’re always safe and with me. I care about you; I want to shield you from everything else.”

His fingers brushed against yours, sending a familiar thrill through your body. “That’s what love is for me. It’s looking after what’s mine. If I didn’t care, I wouldn’t worry.”

You thought for a moment, pondering his definition. “So, your idea of love is making sure I can only be with you? Doesn’t that seem a bit… wrong?”

He frowned slightly, contemplating. “It's how I show my affection. Love is about being together. Boundaries exist for a reason; they protect us. You wouldn’t want to lose me, would you?”

“No," you admitted, heart racing. “I wouldn’t want that. Your passion is intense, but it’s also a bit frightening.”

“I understand,” he replied, his voice steady, almost soothing. “But love is complex; it has shades. You can embrace all of it, even the parts that feel dark. It’s part of us, isn’t it?”

“Maybe… It might take time to grasp everything.” You squeezed his hand, feeling his warmth as you searched his eyes for reassurance. “But I do admit, despite everything, my feelings haven’t changed.”

“Then let’s redefine this together,” Tom suggested. “We can create our own kind of love, one that suits us. A version that exists outside of labels and expectations.”

You smiled, feeling an unusual comfort in his presence. “You make it sound easy.”

“Because it can be. Love is what you make of it, and we can make it powerful.” His voice was full of conviction. “Together, we can craft something that is uniquely ours. Just you and me.”

You nodded, understanding dawning in your heart. Where others saw darkness, you saw a flicker of something profound. Maybe love was not just about light; it could also be about intensity and fierce loyalty that thrived even in the murky.

“Okay, Tom,” you whispered. “Let’s do it. Let’s be together again.”

His face broke into a genuine smile, revealing his pearly white teeth, as he looked upon you fondly, the tension between you dissolving as his grip on your hand tightened , and you began to melt, as you thought how adorable he looked. In that moment- you realized that your love was as complex as his, and it was enough to bring you both back together.

A/N: thxs for reading ( ･_･)♡

[hayleythesugarbowl]

Hello there! I've been reading some of ur Spencer Agnew x reader fics, I like then a lot! I fully developed an obsession, and I was wondering, if I can ask, could u do a Spencer x Russian reader fic? I understand, it's not exactly easy, but I don't need anything over the top, maybe taking care of Spencer when he is sick or something? Like a smut? Please, I wanna make him some borsch 😅

Soup for the Soul || Spencer Agnew x russian!reader

⋆ ˚｡⋆୨୧˚ masterlist • smosh masterlist  ⋆˚｡⋆୨୧⋆

summary: when spencer is sick, you come over to take care of him

word count: 1k

warnings: lead up to smut, sick fic, mild swearing, inaccurate russian?

a/n: hope u enjoy this love!! i’m not russian so i hope i did ok. i don’t write smut so this is just implied/fade to black. enjoy!!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~°~❦~°~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

     You pulled your key out of your bag, putting it into the lock and twisting, opening the door to Spencer’s apartment.

     You let yourself in, setting your stuff down by the door and heading towards the living room.

     You knew Spencer’s place almost better than your own, you were here so much. You’d been dating your boyfriend for nearly a year and you practically lived at his place.

     Now, you crossed the apartment, wanting to see Spencer. He had text you this morning, saying he was sick and staying home from work. 

     You’d gotten off early from your own job as soon as you could so you could come take care of him. 

     You turned the corner, finding Spencer laying on the couch. He looked up when you entered, smiling weakly despite probably feeling like crap. 

     “Privet,” you greeted him. “Hi baby.”

     Spencer propped his head up on his arm as you walked over to him. “Hey (Y/n). I didn’t know you were coming. You shouldn’t have.”

     “Of course I should have,” you said. “Kak dela? How are you feeling?” 

     “Better now that you’re here,” he said, “but in general, like shit. Did you get off work just to check on me?”

     “Da. I wanted to make sure you were ok.”

     “You didn’t have to do that for me,” he said. “But now that you’re here, I can’t pretend I want you to leave. Stay?”

     You smiled, sitting down on the edge of the couch. “Of course. Can I get you anything?”

     “Just you being here’s enough,” he said. “But now that you mention it, it is kind of freezing in here. And I’m pretty thirsty. And a pillow would be great.”

     You chuckled. “Takoy nuzhdayushchiysya! You’re so needy.”

     But you smiled as you walked around the apartment, grabbing a blanket and pillow from Spencer’s room and then walking to the kitchen to fill a glass with water.

     You returned to Spencer and handed him the water. 

     “Lift your head up, love,” you told him and he did as you said. You placed the pillow behind him, stepping back to lay a blanket over him.

     “Better?”

     “Yes,” he said, taking a sip of water. “Much better.”

     “Hopefully you’ll feel even better zavtra.”

     “I know I will if you’re here,” he said, smiling.”

     “What’re your symptoms?” You asked him.

     “I’m tired, massive headache, and my throat is killing me,” Spencer told you, rubbing his eyes. 

     You placed a hand on Spencer’s arm, kneeling down next to him. “I’m sorry. Are you hungry? Want me to make you something to eat?”

     Spencer’s eyes lit up. “Can you make that soup you made when you came over for the first time last year? The one from Russia.”

     “Borscht?”

     “Bless you.”

     You let out a soft laugh. “Do you want me to cook for you or not?”

      “No, no I do,” Spencer hurried out. “Please?”

     “Anything for you, Spence.”

     You headed towards the kitchen, calling back to Spencer. “Do you have aromatics?”

     “Doubt it, I’m pretty sure it’s just a cold.”

     “No, it’s for flavor. Like carrots and onions,” you informed him, trying not to laugh. 

     “This is why you’re then chef,” Spencer called back. “Gordon Ramsey would’ve chopped me up a while ago. Or whatever happens—I’ve never seen that show. Check the fridge.”

     You grinned, at least knowing Spencer was feeling good enough to make jokes put your mind at ease. You got to work, chopping and cutting and mixing everything together. 

     It was a familiar recipe and you could make borscht with your eyes closed. Well, maybe slicing with your eyes closed wasn’t the best idea. 

     You worked like this for a while, rhythmically adding ingredients and stirring. Finally, a couple of hours and a pound of beets later, you gently carried a bowl out to Spencer. 

     You found him asleep on the couch and he was so peaceful you didn’t want to wake him.

     You sat down on the edge of the couch again, watching Spencer sleep. After a few moments, his eyelids fluttered open and he smiled at you. 

     “Morning,” you teased, holding out the bowl of borscht to him. “Here.”

     “Na zdorovye,” Spencer said, taking the soup from you, followed by. “Was that right?”

     You nodded, amused. “Not bad.”

     You were in the process of teaching Spencer Russian and he was getting better. It was cute how hard he was trying and you were touched that he wanted to know every part of you. 

     You fiddled with the edge of the blanket as Spencer took bite after bite of soup.

     “This is so good babe,” he said. “I’d get sick every day if it meant I could have your borscht.”

     “It’s not to hot or anything?”

     “It’s perfect. Just like you.”

     “Prekrati eto. Stop it!” you teased. 

     When Spencer was finished, you took the dishes to the sink, resolving to do them later as you came back to sit with Spencer. 

     He did look better than when you’d first arrived. He had more color in his face, more life in his eyes.  

     “What?” Spencer asked, noticing you looking at him.

     “Nothing. I just don’t know how you manage to look so sexy even when you’re sick,” you declared.

     You watched as Spencer fought a blush and ran a hand through his hair. “Yeah?”

     “Yeah.” You leaned over and kissed him gently. 

     He pulled back, “Baby, there’s nothing I want to do more than kiss you right now, but aren’t you worried about getting sick?”

     “That’s the last thing I’m thinking about right now,” you told him, leaning in to kiss him again.

     Spencer sat up, bringing his lips to yours. You moved closer, straddling him now as you deepened the kiss. 

     “Thank you,” Spencer whispered in between kisses. “For being here. For making me feel better. 

     “Spencer?” You mumbled against his lips, your fingers finding the waistband of his sweats, tugging lightly.

     “Yeah?” His voice came out slightly breathless and rough, in a way that you knew had nothing to do with being sick. 

     “Want me to make you feel even better?”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~°~❦~°~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

ˋ°•*⁀➷ ahh i hope i did ok doll!! more spencer (+ other smosh) fics coming soon

[canirove]

Canary boy | Chapter 5

Previous chapter | Next chapter (coming out on Tuesday)

Masterlist

“I know that smile.”

“Holy shit, Inés!” Carla says, her phone almost falling from her hands. “Was that necessary?”

“Yes, it was. Who is he?”

“Who is who?”

“The guy you are texting with, Carla.”

“I'm not texting with anyone” she says with a nervous laugh.

“Of course… not!” I say, snatching her phone from her hands.

“Inés!” she complains. “What are you doing?”

“It sucks, doesn't it? Now you know how I feel when you do it” I say, sticking out my tongue and unlocking her phone. She says I need a password, but she's had the same one for years. “Wait, Mario?”

“Give me that!” she says, managing to retrieve her phone before I can read any of their messages.

“Are you texting with Mario? With Pedri's friend?”

“No.”

“Carla…”

“Ok, fine, yes. I am. Is there any problem with that?”

“No, no. But I thought nothing had happened between you two the night we met him.”

“And it didn't” she says. 

“You exchanged numbers, tho.”

“Yes, we did. But that's it.” 

“I knew you had liked him” I smile. “Cute.”

“Yeah, whatever” she says, hiding her phone and starting to get changed. 

While I'm doing the same, it's my phone the one that pings. A new message from… Pedri? Why is he texting me today? He is supposed to be on his romantic getaway with Nerea. 

Good luck, Inés. Show them what you've got 😉💙❤️

“Now you are the one smiling” Carla says. “What does canary boy say?”

“He's Canarian, not a canary” I reply, rolling my eyes. “And he is just wishing me luck.”

“He is texting you while away with his girlfriend?”

“Yeah” I shrug, sitting down to put on my boots.

I had had to tell Carla about everything that had happened during my visit to the campus. About how possessive Nerea had been with Pedri while he was cold and basically trying to avoid her. About how she had talked to me and hinted about knowing that I liked him, something that had made Carla scream an “I told you” so loud I'm sure my neighbours heard her. About how he had been a completely different person with her and when he had said goodbye to me. And, of course, about what Vic had said: that Nerea was jealous of me, which was something I still didn't understand. 

Why would someone like her be jealous of someone like me? She is clever, confident, beautiful. People turn their heads to look at her when she walks by and leave fire emojis on her photos, something I have never seen on mine. And even though I know I'm not stupid in any sense or an orc from the depths of Mordor, no one looks twice at me or leaves fire emojis in my photos. Not even Víctor has left something like that when he comments. The closest thing you could probably get to seeing one, is if I posted a photo of my face after a preseason training session or Pedri winking at me. 

“Inés, if she finds out, this is gonna get messy.”

“It's just a friend wishing luck to another.”

“Yeah, but one of those friends happens to be her boyfriend, and the other fancies him” Carla says. “And if things don't seem to be ok between them according to what you told me the other day, and she can't  stand you, her finding out about this can make it all be very…”

“Messy” I sigh. 

“Exactly. So maybe, until they figure things out, you should take a step back and stop texting him. Because Inés, I know you, and you've definitely started to get your hopes up after finding out that things with his girlfriend aren't what they seem on Instagram, and to think about your own love story with Pedri. And don't try to deny it, I know it is true.” 

Of course it is true. I mean, I've been imagining my life with him since the moment I met him. Though this time, knowing what I know and what I've felt when I've been alone with him, when he has touched me, when he has almost kissed me… It all feels more real. And more dangerous too. Because if it hurt when I found out he had started dating Nerea, if now they somehow managed to fix things…

“I just don't want him to break your heart, Inés” Carla says, taking my hand on hers. 

“I know” I smile.

“Good” she smiles back. “Now let's finish getting ready, we have a clásico to win.”

“We do. And Carla…” I say, stopping her before she gets up from her seat. “Thank you.”

“Anything for you, Inés” she says, kissing my cheek. 

━━━━━━❃━━━━━━

“Tell us, Inés. How does it feel to score your first goal with Barcelona’s first team, doing it against Real Madrid, and to win the game?”

“Honestly? I have no words” I laugh.

Because I had just done everything that the reporter had mentioned. That, and also be named player of the match. Someone please come and pinch me. 

━━━━━━❃━━━━━━

“Inés, we need to go inside. It's getting late and you still haven't showered.”

“Just two more people, please” I say to the staff member that has stayed with me while I sign autographs and take photos with the fans after finishing all my interviews. 

“Fine” she sighs. “Two more.”

“Thank you” I smile before turning back to the stands and to signing t-shirts, posters and whatever you could think of. And while I'm signing the last t-shirt…

“Fancy some churros, Inés?”

“I beg your pardon?” I say, looking up at the owner of that voice. “Pedri?”

“Hello” he says with that smile of his that makes me feel all fuzzy inside.

“What… What are you doing here? I thought you were away!”

“I was.”

“You… you…”

“Inés, we have to go” the staff member says behind me.

“Just one second, please.”

“We can't, Inés. C'mon.”

“But…”

“I'll be outside waiting for you. Now be a good girl and do as you are being told” he smirks.

“I… I…” I mumble, opening and closing my mouth like a fish. If my face had stopped being as red as a tomato after the game, now it was back to burning. 

“Inés?”

“Yes, sorry. Sorry” I say, following the staff member. But before we disappear through the tunnel, I look back one last time at Pedri. And there he is, smiling and…

“Inés, are you ok?”

“Yes, yes. I just tripped with a water bottle someone left over there” I quickly say. A water bottle, or Pedri's wink. 

━━━━━━❃━━━━━━

“Did you know he was coming?” I say to Carla the moment I walk into the changing room. 

“What?” 

“Pedri.”

“He's here?” she gasps.

“On the stands, yes. We just talked while I finished signing some autographs.”

“But that's… that's not possible! He was away with Nerea! He… Mario.”

“What?”

“Mario asked me for a ticket for the game, but then this morning said he couldn't come because he wasn't feeling well.”

“So you think…”

“That he gave it to Pedri.”

But why? Why would he give him his ticket? And why would Pedri ask for it in the first place? But most importantly… Why wasn't he with Nerea?

“Inés… Inés!” Carla says, snapping her fingers in front of my face.

“Hi, yes, what.”

“Come back to earth and focus. Because this doesn't change anything and things can still end up getting messy, ok?”

“Yed” I nod. “But he told me he was going to wait for me outside.”

“Then you go say hello and then back home. Alone.”

“Alone” I repeat.

“Good. Now go shower, you stink.”

“Hey, show some respect to the player of the match” I say, hitting her arm.

“Meh meh meh” she replies, sticking out her tongue and making me laugh. 

━━━━━━❃━━━━━━

“Hello, Inés.”

“Hi” I say when I meet Pedri in the car park. He's leaning against a car with his hands in his pockets, looking… well. Looking like he does basically 24/7: hot as fuck. 

“May I drive you home?”

“Since when do you have a car?” I ask him.

“I rented it for the weekend, and since it got cut short…” he shrugs.

“Did something happen?”

“Nerea got that virus we talked about the other day.”

“And Mario?”

“Uh?”

“Did Mario also get it?”

“He… no” he says with a shy smile. “That was a little white lie. Hope you and Carla aren't too mad at us.”

“I'm not. But Carla… you may have just lost your roommate.”

“Oh, well” he shrugs again, making us both laugh. “Anyway, may I give the player of the match a ride home?” Pedri says with his most charming smile.

“You may” I giggle. 

━━━━━━❃━━━━━━

Flash forward a few hours. We are now in my kitchen, Pedri carefully putting some olives on his pizza while I just stare at his mouth. Because when he is focused, he pouts. And if his lips look very kissable just by existing, now they look… well, you can imagine.

“Done” he smiles after putting the last olive. “Can you open the oven for me, please?”

“Of course” I say. “Now what?” I ask him after he's put the pizzas inside and closed it.

“Now while we wait, we clean.”

“Are you seriously telling me that after the day I've had, now I have to clean? That the player of the match has to clean her kitchen?” I ask him with a teasing smile.

This is the joke we have had going on since leaving the stadium. That since I had been the player of the match, I deserved to be treated like a princess, and that was why he had offered to drive me home or to make me dinner. 

Remember what Carla said about taking a step back? Yeah, not happening.

“If your kitchen is a mess, it's your fault, Inés” Pedri says.

“Mine?”

“Who was the one who knocked the flour bag?” he asks me.

“Ok, yes, that was me. But it was your fault.”

“Mine?” he laughs.

“Yes, you. I was focused on my pizza, and you scared me when you walked past me.” When he walked past me, and when he touched my waist. My t-shirt was twisted on my apron (this time I had convinced him to wear one), and my skin was showing. So when I felt his fingers touching me…

“Not my fault that you are clumsy, Inés” he shrugs. 

“Me? Clumsy?” I say, taking a step forward towards him.

“Yes, you” he says, doing the same.

“Ummm…”

“Inés!” he gasps when I quickly cover my finger on flour and run it over his cheek.

“Sorry. I'm just a clumsy girl” I shrug, trying really hard not to smile. Who are you and where is shy Inés?

“Clumsy… clumsy…” 

“Pedri!” I gasp when instead of just one finger, he covers his whole hand on flour and rubs it all over my face.

“Now you look like a Real Madrid t-shirt” he laughs.

“Like a… You asked for this!” I say, taking a handful of flour and throwing it at him, starting what from now on will be known in history books as “the flour war”. 

“Inés… Inés, stop. I need a break” Pedri says after running like crazy around my kitchen throwing flour and each other, both of us laughing like two little kids. 

“Already?” I tease him.

“Yes, already. Only one of us is a professional athlete, you know?” he says, grabbing a glass and pouring himself some water.

“Weak.”

“I beg your pardon?”

“I said… weak” I smirk.

“That was so rude, Inés. So so rude” he says, pouring himself more water. But this time he isn't drinking it. He is walking towards me with the glass full to the rim.

“Pedri, what are you doing with that water?”

“What do you think?” he asks with a mischievous smile.

“You won't dare throwing it at me, will you? I'm covered in flour!”

“And so am I, Inés. Right now I look like a Targaryen.”

“So do I.”

“You do. But white hair doesn't suit you, so it's time we wash it.”

“Pedri, don't. Please don't do it, don't… Pedri!” I scream, closing my eyes and waiting for the water. Though it never comes. 

“You can open your eyes, Inés. I'm not going to do anything, I was just teasing you.”

“Promise?”

“I promise.”

“Ok” I say, slowly opening my eyes. “Pedri!” I gasp when he splashes my face. 

“Sorry. Couldn't help myself.”

“You… You…” I say, looking for something I can use against him.

“Inés, did you just throw an olive to my face?”

“Maybe” I shrug. 

“That hurt!”

“Oh, c'mon. Don't be a baby, Pedro” I smirk. Seriously, tho. Who is this woman and where has my usual shy persona gone?

“You asked for this.”

“No, Pedri. Pedri!” I yell, when he threatens to empty the glass of water in my head. But like he said, I happen to be a professional athlete and manage to dodge it. “That was so sad” I laugh. 

“Don't make fun of me, Inés.”

“Or what? Will you throw another glass of water at me and miserably miss?” I chuckle.

“I may do this instead” he says, putting the glass down and pinning me against the wall with such speed that I only have time to gasp as I feel his body against mine, his hands resting at each side of my head. “Now who is the one laughing?”

“I… I…” I gulp. He is so close, that our noses are almost touching, his chest squeezing mine. And when I say mine, I say my boobs. And I'm wearing the thinest of bras, so he is definitely feeling it all. 

“You've been a very bad girl, Inés” he smirks, pushing me a bit more against the wall. “We are gonna have to do something about that.”

“Something?” I manage to say.

“Yes. Some kind of punishment” he says, looking at me in a way he had never done before, his eyes almost black. “And I think I know the perfect one” he says as he moves his hands from the wall behind me, one resting on my waist while the other caresses my jaw down to my neck and to my collarbone, making me gasp. 

“Pedri…” I whisper, my whole body already on fire.

“It's gonna be ok, Inés. Don't worry” he says before biting my skin where my neck and shoulder meet, making me gasp once again, my hands moving on their own and grabbing his t-shirt. But he doesn't stop there. He keeps moving up my neck, biting, sucking and kissing my skin, noises I didn't know I could make leaving my mouth. “Inés…” he whispers against my neck, pushing his body against mine even more. We are so close now, that I can feel all of him. All of him. Jesus fucking Christ. 

“Pedri” I hear myself moan when he kisses me somewhere close to my ear. Who knew being kissed there could feel so damn good?

“God, Inés…” he says as he starts kissing my jaw, now both his hands on my waist, grabbing it with such intensity that I'm pretty sure I'll have bruises tomorrow. There, and all over my neck. Though I may burst into flames first, because the heat I'm feeling is not normal. 

“Pe… ah!” I scream when someone rings my apartment’s doorbell.

“Are you expecting anyone?” Pedri asks in my ear, the feeling making me gasp for the millionth time in the past few minutes. 

“No.”

“Then ignore it” he says. But as those words leave his mouth, the doorbell sounds again. 

“I should probably go check who it is.”

“Urgh” he groans, kissing that first spot he had bitten and taking a step back, the heat I was feeling leaving with him. At least part of it, because I don't think this is going anywhere any time soon. 

“It'll be just a minute” I tell him before leaving the kitchen to answer the intercom, taking deep breaths to somehow make myself relax. Ha! Good luck, Inés.

“And?” he asks me when I'm back, already busy cleaning the kitchen. 

“Someone has sent me flowers.”

“What?”

“Yeah” I shrug. “The delivery guy is coming up.”

“And are you planning on answering the door looking like that?” he chuckles.

“Looking like… shit” I say, looking down at my apron and my clothes. I still am covered in flour.

“Here, let me help you” Pedri says, picking a kitchen towel and holding my face by the chin while he cleans it, my skin burning where he is touching me. See? That heat wasn't going anywhere. “There, much better” he smiles. “Though we must do something about the hair too” he says as he moves to stand behind me, first untying my apron and taking it off me, and then undoing the braid I was wearing, running his hands through my hair as flour surrounds us everywhere. Why is all this turning on me as much as everything he did before? “Now. Perfect” he smiles again as he moves to be in front of me, tucking a lock of hair behind my ear. It's a miracle that I am still standing. “Go open the door.”

“What?”

“The door, Inés. The delivery guy just rang.”

“Yes, the door. Yes. Sorry” I say, my brain remembering how to function and making me walk.

“Who has sent you flowers? A secret admirer?” Pedri asks me when I'm back again. 

“My family” I say. “Neither of them could be at the game, and they've sent me this.”

“Oh, that's nice. You have two older sisters, don't you?” he says while cleaning around the kitchen. “I think you posted about them recently on Instagram.” There he is again, paying attention to what I post and remembering it. But why? Why, why, why. 

“Yes, for their birthday. Ingrid and Irene.”

“The three of you have names that start with an i?” he chuckles.

“Yeah” I shrug. 

“Are you close?” 

“Could be worse.”

“What does that mean?”

“They are ten years older than me, and they are twins. They didn't need anyone else, they already had each other.”

“Wait, ten years?” Pedri says after checking the oven. I had completely forgotten about the pizzas. “What happened there?”

“My parents tried to save their marriage. It didn't work.”

“Oh. I'm sorry, Inés.”

“Nah, it's ok. They got divorced when I was three and I don't have memories of them together, so” I shrug.

“Have any of them remarried?”

“My mother. She married when I was eighteen and moved to Manchester, her husband is from there.”

“So you stayed with your father?”

“Not really. He's constantly traveling because of his job, so since one of my sisters works in Madrid and the other in Paris, I've basically been on my own.”

“Welcome to the club” he smiles. “And the pizzas are ready. Can you bring a couple of plates, please?”

“Sure” I say, doing as he has asked me. “What about you?”

“Uh?”

“Your family.”

“I'll tell you about them the day you come to my place and cook and clean for me.”

“What?” I laugh.

“I think it's fair” Pedri shrugs. “These have to cool down before we can eat them, so while they do it, I'm gonna wash myself a bit and stop looking like I just came from filming “House of the Dragon”. Don't touch them, ok?”

“I won't.”

“I'm serious, Inés. They say fire can't kill a dragon, but we aren't real Targaryens” he smirks.

“I didn't know you were a “Game of Thrones” fan” I chuckle.

“I'm full of surprises” Pedri winks before leaving the kitchen and me, obviously, trying to remember how to breathe. 

He's seriously gonna be the death of me.

[no-one-turose-shipper]

I think It’s a mix of both really, on some level he did genuinely want to be champion but his motive was so baked into being better than Leon that it doesn’t feel that way. Using one of his own lines: "I've watched every match that Lee's ever had! I've read every book and magazine he left behind at home, too! I know exactly what to do in order to win!" It shows that his focus is on beating Leon, or just Leon in general instead of the actual competition and title. He definitely really cared about the challenge and had prepared a lot for the gym challenge, but he was also doing this because of Leon. I do feel like him becoming a lab assistant was him giving up on his dreams but I also get why he would. It’s just how Much he brings up being champion makes the change feels sudden and like he just gave up. Leading up to The first gym he claims he’s going to be champion ELEVEN TIMES. Which makes his eventual loss even sadder imo. most of these lines are before you and him even sign up for it. His depression arc was definitely rushed but if it wasn’t I think it would’ve been devastating (for me) because YOU crush his dream. He got so close:[ like just that wince Ruined me. I do think his motives are mainly because of Leon but I do understand your ideas! And you’ve gotten a good bit of it right! He was trying to be like his brother, a champion and yet he seemed to enjoy it! But to me it seems like all of the favoritism, losing to the player all the time, Bede’s words and then losing in the semi finals kinda crashed down on him when he lost to us and made him not exactly give up, but reevaluate himself and find a dif path, if it’s right or if he actually like it? Idk SWSH was peak. I think atleast for Hop and his family the Unfinished/not fleshed out Stories really helped. Not knowing what exactly goes on but seeing those signs of favoritism and dysfunction probably wasn’t intended but still felt well done. Because to be completely honest most of this is opinion or Headcanon based on what we are given. We don’t know exactly why he gave up, we don’t know much about How Hop and his family function. We don’t know anything really. His dialogue and environment Offers hints but that’s it. Idk play sword and shield its peak (the game is kinda too easy)

I need somebody I could rant to about the ABSOLUTE INJUSTICE HOP HAS FACED AS A CHARACTER. WHENEVER I SEE SWSH MERCH THEY ALWAYS LEAVE OUT HOP. BUT OH MARNIE AND BEDE ARE THERE. MOTHERFUCKER I AM GOING TO KILL YOU STOP BEING A COWARD AND GIVE ME MY HOP. HE IS CONSTANTLY ERASED AND PUT DOWN AND IT PMO. HOP IS NOT ANNOYING AND OVERCONFIDENT HE IS TRYING TO MAKE HIMSELF COOL. HOP IS A PRETEEN. AND DON’T GET ME STARTED ON HOP’S ERASURE IN HIS OWN GAME. IN HIS OWN FAMILY. BROTHER I MIGHT BE PROJECTING BUT THE FACT THAT LEON IS SO TREASURED AND FAVORED FUCKING MESSES WITH YA. ITS SO CLEAR HOP IS TRYING TO BE LEON. HE’S AN “ANNOYING FANBOY” BECAUSE LEONS HIS OLDER BROTHER. THAT HES CLOSE TO. I HATE YOU SWSH. YOU HAVE CREATED A CHARACTER SO GOOD AT BEING PATHETIC AND SUPPRESSED THAT PEOPLE HATE HIM. HOP ISNT EVEN ALLOWED TO HAVE A PROPER EMOTIONAL ARC. HE HAS TO PUSH IT DOWN. BOTH FOR THE STORY AND FOR THE OTHERS. HOP IS IN LEONS SHADOW AND IT FEELS LIKE THE FANS IGNORE THAT AND JUST PUSH HIM TO THE SIDE AS “ONE DIMENSIONAL.” HE’S NOT. ONE OF THE BIG POINTS OF HIS CHARACTER IS THAT HE ACTS. HE ACTS CONFIDENT. HE ACTS SELF ASSURED. HE ACTS LIKE HE DOESN’T HAVE ALL OF THIS SELF DOUBT CRUSHING HIM. LEON BECAME CHAMPION AT TEN. THATS SUCH A HUGE ACHIEVEMENT THAT WOULD OVERSHADOW ANY OF HOP’S. HOPS DEAL IS BEING PUSHED DOWN THE SAME PATH AS LEON AND TRYING TO BE BETTER. TO PROVE THAT HE ISN’T JUST LEON’S ANNOYING BROTHER. BUT HIS OWN PERSON. GRRRRRR IMAGINE LIVING LIFE KNOWING YOU ARE ONLY KNOWN FIR YOUR RELATIONS TO SOMEONE ELSE. AND YOU KNOW WHAT? THERE ARE NO MEDALS OR EVEN FUCKING PICTURES OF HOP LIKE THERE ARE LEON. IMAGINE EATING BREAKFAST AND HAVING TO STARE DOWN A REMINDER OF WHAT YOU’LL NEVER LIVE UP TO. BROTHER. GRRRR HOP’S IDENTITY IS LEON. GOOD CHUNK OF HIS LINES BRING UP LEON, HIS ENTIRE MOTIVE IS BEATING LEON, THE RARE LEAGUE CARD THAT IS SUPPOSED TO BE PERSONAL HAS HOP IMITATING LEON. GRRRRRRR I AM FUCKING TWEAKING OUT. EVEN IN POKÉMON MASTERS, HIS NEO-CHAMPION SUIT IMITATES LEON. I MIGHT BE LOONEY BUT I HAVE A POINT. I’VE BEEN THERE. FUNNY ENOUGH JUST LIKE HOP HYPER-FIXATES ON LEON I HYPER-FIXATE ON HOP. ITS COPING. ITS NEEDING SOMETHING, EVEN IF ONLY A IDEA TO FALL BACK ON. IT STARTS SMALL BUT IT GROWS INTO A OBSESSION YOU SINK YOUR NAILS INTO IT AS YOU TURN EVERYTHING INTO IT FOR THE COMFORT IT GIVES. YOU NEED IT. IT BECOMES YOUR PERSONALITY. IT BECOMES YOU. AND YES THIS SECTION IS ME PROJECTING BUT ITS FROM EXPERIENCE OF WHAT HE MIGHT BE GOING THROUGH. I HATE YOU HOP POKÉMON. YOU DESERVE SO MUCH BETTER THAN WHAT YOU GOT. BOTH FROM YOUR OWN MAKERS, YOUR OWN GAME AND THE FANBASE. HOPEFULLY YOU’LL GET YOUR OWN OFFICIAL PLUSH ONE DAY… HOPEFULLY PEOPLE WILL RESPECT YOU.