#and even in cases where they're accurate why do you care so much about some 14yos on twitter having baby's first internalized misogyny

[spring-ephemeral]

my most #problematic take is that i find discussions about misogyny in fandom extremely tiring and at least 50% extremely overblown

[malaierba]

Thoughts on Toshiro’s eating behavior, restrictive ed/disordered eating habits, and ARFID (obvious warnings apply).

Been thinking about how Toshiro’s eating is described in the manga. Especially when you consider the context within which he snaps — which is jokingly referred to as “he has hangry”. Interestingly enough, emotional deregulation IS a common symptom of EDs. That, alongside all the symptoms that Ryoko Koi chooses to illustrate in him… it’s done too accurately for it to be dismissed as him simply choosing not to eat and starve, as if it were that easy.

Basically, I think Toshiro’s inability to eat is ARFID-coded, and that’s symbolism in itself. I also think food is one of the few areas in his life where he exerts control effectively.

Assuming that he was under the influence of the dungeon (not necessary for this analysis to work tbh), his behavior is a quite accurate depiction of how desire works for people who are chronic ascetics in general, and ED'd in particular:

According to Maizuru, he’s a person who's denied themselves all their life (“saving Falyn was his first selfish request“),

Who seems to only experience a sort of self-agency when it's linked to deprivation (not really eating food from anyone who wasn’t Maizuru as a child, turning down her food as an adult even though he’s otherwise easy to pull around),

Who's actively reaching towards something for the first time in their lives (so he doesn’t know how to work towards it without burning himself out).

A common trigger (perhaps the main one) in EDs is the desire for control. The logic often goes, what's easier to control than what you eat? what do you own more fully than your body? It tracks in Toshiro’s case: when he is picky that's one thing he can fully control, no one could force him to eat not when he was a child nor as an adult. Toshiro's “whims” are most indulged when he restricts or rejects food, rather than when he reaches for it.

The reason why I’m getting ARFID vibes from him is Maizuru’s wording. On the screenshot I shared, she said “he never ate much, but he ate plenty of what I made”, making it sound like he’d try stuff made by other people, but in the end, Maizuru was the only one who could tailor it to his tastes the best (and made it with love). Rather than fighting him or forcing him, he worked with him, which is the best course of action for parents with kids who are being picky eaters.

There’s also the wording used by Maizuru: I think he's ARFID and perhaps ortho coded, or some other restrictive ED. Here we have to note that EDs aren't exclusively or even always about weight, weight is often a secondary effect of the behaviors that are motivated by the ED. In layman terms, they're eating disorders not weight disorders.

With the established, I do see a narrative relevance to giving Toshiro this type of relationship with food:

It sets him in obvious opposition to Laios: You need to eat and take care of yourself to succeed, neglecting yourself equals not taking your goals seriously vs. I’ll sacrifice everything recklessly, myself included, in the pursuit of my goals.

Tangentially related but lol, can’t help but think of Laios getting SO mad when Toshiro’s reaction to his plan (admittedly thought of on the spot) to get back Falyn is “you aren’t even EATING” which, SO fair, you can strategize and make detailed long term plans all you want, but as they say the secret to your future lies within your daily habits.

It makes him a mirror of Falyn, her passiveness reflecting Toshiro’s own. Falyn explicitly says at the end of her adventure, while she’s turning down Toshiro’s marriage proposal, “I’ve always wanted to travel; I’ve always just done what my bother and Marcille want, I want to try doing what I want now”, which is reminiscent of Maizuru saying “He was always such a well-behaved, reasonable boy, so much so that it worried me sometimes. The only time he ever made a personal request was for this task” <- person disconnected from their desires. (More on this idea here, I love it as a narrative choice).

And then (here’s where I get suppositional). It could be an extrapolation of the way his upbringing has permeated so deep within himself that he overtly controls what he eats even under normal circumstances. This extreme exertion of self-control, this constant self-monitoring, would be unsurprising in the guy who’s a little too good at following social scripts and masking (fun fact, did you know that ARFID is often co-morbid with autism?).

I often think of him in this scene, where he seems to be telling Senshi that he’s had enough / he doesn’t want something (featuring the other Weird With Food character, my beloved Kabru, maybe trying to help him? or maybe hassling him too lol):

Looks like some habits are hard to break. But, Laios does get through to him when he kicks his ass, and Falyn seems to have reached him too with his words, so perhaps there’s hope.

Look at him forcing himself to eat a burger while holding so much distaste in his heart. Did he and Laios order for each other? At least Laios seems to like his meal.

[maximumzombiecreator]

I have a question about mapping the dungeon - all the games I've been a part of that weren't theatre of the mind had the GM prepare and draw the maps, both for encounters and dungeon exploration, typically on a whiteboard or dry erase mat. What are the pros and cons on having players map out the dungeon instead? How is this handled for OSR dungeon crawling typically? I can foresee miscommunication and distraction leading to incorrect maps - how much should the GM intervene in these cases? Does player mapping slow down the game?

Typically, OSR games will have someone assigned to be the mapper, both literally, in terms of drawing the players' copy of the map and within the fiction, having their character (or a hireling) doing the mapping. In most systems, the rate of movement through the dungeon includes mapping as part of what the party is doing (hence why if you look at the actual pace of movement it's really slow.) This means that in situations like fleeing from enemies, the characters are not able to map and the GM won't give them things like measurements, just a vague sense of what they see. Similarly, it's often something that a character does while exploring a room. Someone will investigate the interesting thing, someone will keep watch, someone will be mapping the room.

Now, if you're running on a grid, then I think it's pretty much essential for the GM to draw the maps when they're needed for combat. There's no sense adding a game of telephone into the mix every time you're setting up for a fight. In this case, I think you can either just accept that the party gets some free detail when they get into a fight, or you can go all the way and just have the GM provide the map that the characters draw.

For the most part, the decision whether to do manual mapping depends on if it's a type of gameplay that you care about. Because it is gameplay. Classic D&D dungeon maps often contained elements designed to confuse and frustrate mappers. Dwarves have the ability to detect slopes in passageways specifically because dungeons would contain features like that so that the party could switch levels without knowing that they had. In that sense, incorrect maps are a desirable outcome.

Typically, a GM will only want to intervene if something has gone unfairly wrong. If the map of a room or section is so wildly incorrect that the in-world character couldn't reasonably have arrived at it, it needs to be corrected. But for small mistakes (or just tricky dungeon design) your mapper could potentially end up sitting, staring at their map, trying to puzzle out what's gone wrong so that they can find their way back to the surface. Certified map sicko (affectionate) Dyson Logos has even made Mapper's Challenge dungeons that really put this skillset to the test.

And this can lead to some really great moments! Good mapping can be a way for the party to find secret doors and rooms, with their mapping leaving conspicuous gaps for them to look into. Likewise I've had players figure out based on their mapping that a wall was thin, and opt to mine through it in order to circumvent a difficult fight. In classic dungeons, partial maps were also often part of loot. This might include treasure maps, as well. A fragmentary map that shows a secret treasure will have the mapper scrambling to figure out how it fits into the map they have so far.

It does slow down the game, but all gameplay slows down the game, right? That said, I think it's a form of gameplay that works best if there are players who are going to engage with it enthusiastically. If the party is going to be in the position of forcing someone to be the mapper, it may be better just to work collaboratively with the players to keep an accurate map of what they should have been able to map so far. But if the players are into that gritty kind of playstyle, where the characters might be sitting in a dank hole, looking at their scribbles, trying to figure out how to make their way home? It's great, it's honestly fantastic.

[propertyofwhitney67]

So this may just be a me thing and no one else would want it but may I get some Headcanons of the LI's (maybe the teachers or some of the others if you feel so inclined) dealing with a PC with Diabetes, I have the type where my sugar gets dangerously low sometimes, I always have to keep a snack on hand in case it gets too low when I'm not at home.

I don't know much about diabetes but I will do my best to get this right. I googled a few things and I hope they're accurate <3 I had a hard time with some of the teachers bc I really only know Winter.

Whitney laughs the first few times till he realizes how serious it actually is. He always has some kind of candy or something on him. He says it's just extra he had for later but it's really for you. He's learned to spot when your blood sugar gets low and he tends to act fast, finding you somewhere to sit and give you what food he has or something you have.

Kylar probably already knows about your diabetes before you tell him. He fucking knows everything about you. He always has food and juice on him for you. Knows all the quiet spots he can take you to recover.

Robin knows intimately your struggle and is always prepared to help you. Keeps a stash in his room of food and drinks just for you, also makes sure to have some snacks when he's out and about. Not great at getting you to a quiet place outside the orphanage but still takes care of you.

P!Sydney finds out the first time your sugar drops in the library. They're so worried and take you to the nurse. After that, they are prepared with everything you would even need.

Alex finds you passed out in the field and fucking panics. Immediately takes you into the house and tries to call Harper but you come to and explain to him your sugar dropped and need to eat. He makes sure to always check on you when you're working and regularly brings you lemonade.

Avery only cares if you cause a scene. You have to take care of yourself because they won't do anything unless you're causing a scene. He has to play the part of concerned partner but will yell at you as soon as you're in private. He half's your usual pay at the end of the night.

Eden is worried as to why you're so dizzy/light headed and nauseous. He tries everything but you have to explain to him that it's your diabetes and need food to get your sugar back up. Now he makes sure to add snacks and certain food to the shopping list for you and keeps a closer eye on you.

All the teachers have been informed by the nurse of your diabetes

Winter keeps a close eye on you during class while also being discrete. Has a few snacks in his desk drawer for emergencies. Always checks in before he has you do a demonstration.

Sirris uses you for demonstrates on what signs to look out for and what to do to help someone when their sugar drops. Makes sure to give you food right after or sends you to the nurse.

River is very on top of your health during his class despite Whitney's usual distractions. Refers you to the nurse if your sugar starts to drop and sends another student with you just in case. 50/50 whether or not you get there unscathed

Mason panics a bit and makes sure to walk you to the nurse themselves

[creature-wizard]

Hello, your special interest in conspiracy theories might prove insightful for my predicament.

i've been having very strange things happening to me from a young age, and only in the past few years have i begun to accept them and embrace them. however, whenever i try to search for any information about them, i find these new age conspiracy rabbit-holes that as you've made clear are just thinly veiled white supremacist nonsense.

I wonder if transcendent experiences (in my case having direct, regular and positive interaction with a caring nonhuman entity as well as accurate premonitions for largely mundane future events) are not that uncommon but we either push them to the back of our mind and make them out to be wishful thinking or odd quirks of the brain.

That therein I think may be one of the reasons why the new age cult is the monster it is today: a vacuum of explanation and community for the very real and unexplainable experiences people leads them to new age sooner or later. In these rabbit-holes I often found people speaking of very similar experiences to mine but immediately attributing it to explanations provided by this cult, ones that i felt very deep in my gut to be bullshit.

Do you think the apprehension to discuss & believe genuine spiritual experiences for fear of a loss of acceptance by your peers is detrimental to non-new age spiritual communities? I observe that online pagan, witch, etc circles are rife with this apprehension, of either accepting their or others experiences, either actively or passively by adjusting language used to appeal to the assumed skepticism of the audience. New age, on the other hand, appeared to be far more accepting of the reality of these experiences.

A general unwillingness to consider strange and seemingly inexplicable events (spiritual experiences, UFO encounters, etc) without trying to apply a "rational" yet wholly inadequate explanation is absolutely a problem. The people who do this aren't even necessarily trying to be dismissive, but it can still often feel that way.

Meanwhile, New Age and the conspiracysphere in general will usually provide some sort of explanation that at least feels adequate, especially to those who aren't particularly scientifically or historically literate. (Although some people are so desperate that they'll set aside their scientific and historical knowledge.) New Age alien mythology, for example is of course chock full of nonsense, but it's still more validating than "you hallucinated it" or "you just saw a normal aircraft."

That said, I also don't think this is the only problem. People in general are just uncomfortable with not having answers, and don't really understand how having no answer is better than having a bad answer. Furthermore, people often perceive scientists as waffly and ignorant because scientists have a much better understanding of how much they don't know than the average person, and are therefore more hesitant to give firm answers; whereas conspiracy theorists, who are often incredibly ignorant as to how much they just don't understand, will just trumpet their beliefs with absolute certainty, and thus feel more likely to be right.

Overall I'd say there's a big cloth mother/wire mother problem going on, where New Age conspirituality often provides comfort and validation where more critical viewpoints typically do not.

Sometimes, people's egos just get in the way, like the person who has an incredibly vivid experience where they perceive a divine being telling them they're the reincarnation of Jesus Christ, and doesn't want to hear that maybe their experience shouldn't be taken at face value, and maybe they shouldn't go and start a cult over it.

So yeah, I'd say it's a combination of factors, and I think overall it could be helped by everyone coming to terms with not needing to have an answer or a solution to things like this all the time. We don't need to always assume that we already have enough information to adequately explain things like this, and that it's better to not have an answer than to come up with a bad one. And I think it could also be helped by understanding that just because the current "rational" answer is wholly inadequate, doesn't mean that the conspiratorial or spiritual one is any better. And I think we all need to be more aware of people's need for validation and comfort, and do our best to be more compassionate and understanding in general.

[princelylove]

Your Prince, I do believe there is no statement on what your highness prefers for flavour! Do you prefer a sweet, savoury, or spicy snack? I find myself leaning heavily to sweets, or extreme spice.

I also wanted request: can we please to hear your thoughts on how Narancia may feel about a feminine reader that doesn’t play into their gender role well? I saw in a previous post your highness sees him as a bit sexist (and I loved it). Terrible cook, doesn’t clean up the apartment while he’s gone, responds with the same annoyed deadpan he gives when he demands something. I find myself on the “stir the pot until it gets you kicked out or killed” end of suicidal; it’s fun to annoy people.

I hope this doesn’t break your rules about specific readers, but I’d like to hear your thoughts! Thank you

Mmm.... well, it depends. If you're having dinner, you want something savory. If it's during the day, spicy, because I adore salads with a bit of a kick to them. But, other than that, sweet. All of my favorite foods are. Rice pudding with either cinnamon powder, pistachios, or coconut shreds in them, dates, more I can't think of at the moment..... my heart belongs to sweet things.

My rules are kind of iffy because if something interests me enough I will abandon my morals to talk about it. Sometimes it's just factual that a character has a sister/mother complex and I feel like it's doing an injustice if I don't write the character's psychology accurately, regardless of how much I don't want my page to be ridden with emotional incest even as a background not the main topic thing. So it really depends on my mood. Just develop a gambling addiction if you're going to be a consistent anon of mine, it'll help you cope with me choosing to answer something one day and then declining the same thing another time.

Narancia may just not fall for someone that isn't feminine. He's not a "oh the potential" guy, he's an "I'm seeing this and I like it and it's mine now" kind of guy. The only case where he might like someone that isn't feminine leaning is if he can sexualize them in some way, like how there's a whole trope of "tomboy but hot" in a lot of older movies.

Buuut, someone who is feminine but not playing into gender roles is different. As long as you look good, Narancia could fall for you, regardless of your behavior.

Narancia lives by his favorite artist's words of wisdom, the prettiest bitches are the most scandalous hoes. Pretty women are just like that. His type of woman can be as bratty as she wants to be, as long as she's hot. He thinks he's just doing something wrong and that's why you're acting extra crazy. Going to grumble to himself about how frustrating bitches are and keep trying, no matter what. As long as you're not pushing him away, anyway. Then he crashes out and kills you. Who said that?

Initially it honestly agitates him. He can't understand what the hell he's doing that's pissing his bitch off this bad. Women are too complicated, they say one thing and then really mean twenty other things. He may snap at his darling here and there, but he's stubborn. He's not going to just give up because you're frustrating, he's a man about his problems, he's not a quitter.

Women, they, uhh, you can break one if you're not careful. They're sensitive, you know? Maybe he broke you and didn't realize it, that's why you give him that dead fish stare when he wants a kiss goodnight. He'll try to make you feel better with physical affection. A hug, cuddling, rubbing your hands and praying you didn't just get the ick and want to leave him....

The whole not cooking thing is definitely one of two things. One, you can't cook and you're embarrassed about it. Two, you just don't know what he likes and you're too shy to ask! Or, you're too shy to ask for ingredients in general. That's three things. He can count. He has no problem going on a little shopping trip if you write down what you want, you know...

Narancia... his basis for how women act is his mother, and girl magazines. Women are either delicate, not really fully there, in need of a provider, or a playmate. He typically goes for someone in the second category, but if he caught you and you're broken, he was obviously wrong. Don't worry, though! Narancia would never abandon his darling because they're got some stuff going on. Difficult or not, he wants to love you, and surprisingly has the patience to not take it personally if you're despondent. Only if you're despondent, though. Aggressive types make him anxious and more aggressive- Narancia's first instinct isn't violence, it's verbal aggression. He'll only hit you if you hit him first.

You know, Narancia may be stupid, but he's not entirely moronic. He can tell if you're acting out for attention because he does it all the time. It may take him a little while, but eventually, it'll click. Maybe you've stirred the pot for no reason too many times this week. Maybe Pannacotta made some offhanded, bitter comment that changed his perspective. Who knows. He's a weird guy. Once Narancia convinces himself you're doing this all for attention, he just doubles down on his love. He'll cook, albeit terribly. He'll be home a lot more- as much as he can, comes straight home after his 'business' he had to 'deal with.' He'll make chores a two-man job. You want attention, your needs aren't being met, he understands that. He's been there. He's just like you. He was you, once. Isn't that the best feeling in the world, to understand someone entirely like that?

Honestly there's no other reason you'd behave like that. It clicks, you know? You've been doing all of this because something in your head is telling you that he doesn't love you, you're insecure- he knows how that works! He can fix that! Well. He can't fix it immediately, but he's willing to prove how serious he is about you. Then you'll act right. That totally makes a ton of sense!

If you're not acting right after a little while, he just thinks he still hasn't proven himself to you yet. It's a process. He can learn to be patient about it, no matter how much you denying him makes him want to rip your nails out. It'll happen. Women are just crazy sometimes. Aren't there meds for that?

[see-arcane]

Regarding your Nosferatu post, Eggers is known for being fairly homophobic in how he portrays gay relationships. The lighthouse represented homosexuality as this repressed, awful thing and I don't wanna see gayness be turned into evil vampires like some sort of evil desire. I don't see him doing it anyways bc he's quite rigid in his own beliefs (including stuff about race too)

On that front I'm afraid the deck is already a little stacked in the 'icky gay goings-on' department if Knock really is already long-distance hot for Orlok; but then, so is Ellen, and there's a Random Naked Nubile Girl on a Horse scene, and just a lot of general full-on horniness in many directions. I hesitate to clutch pearls over the presence of fucked up sexuality everywhere--especially in the context of something trying to be classically gothic, and double especially in a climate where So Much of media is increasingly wont to be self-censored or sanitized into blandness. I am very fine with Fucked Up and Perverse happenings on principle. My monsterfucker badge is worn proudly, as is my 'Let Gothic Horror Be Fucked Up' badge.

That said.

Yeah, the fact that the only non-straight hint I can think of in his track record is the almost-kiss dance scene in The Lighthouse (plus a side of Dafoe's character comparing Pattinson's eyes to a lady's) is not a fantastic sign for el gee bee tee elements. Yet even while the obvious 'lolll Thomas gets cucked because he doesn't satisfy Ellen she's 2 hot and goth 4 u loser' hints in the trailer and implications in the script leak indicate him just going straight to full Francis fanficification with Ellen and Orlok, I don't think it's explicitly a homophobic product. There may be some quote or info floating around somewhere that stamps Eggers as more staunchly anti-gay--and if so, please point me to it--but I think in this case it just adds up to 1) Elbowing Thomas out of the way for his OTP and 2) Horniness for everyone, not just the girls

That also being said.

The racist/xenophobic shit didn't need to be doubled down on in twenty-twenty-four, Bobby Egg. You almost did a smart move with the whole 'No, wait! They aren't working for Orlok! Look, see, they're local vampire hunters and taking care of other undead!' thing. Cool!

Why did you immediately have to throw in the g slur and declare them all stinky-dirty-mega masculine while Thomas quails over how much more manly they are than him and also they steal his horses because we simply HAVE to keep the ye olde 'land of thieves' line ~accurate~?

There's being 'period accurate' and then there's. That shit.

[mercurygray]

Literally don't know if it's my lack of self confidence or anxiety that's giving me intrusive thoughts. I've always wanted to write for BoB but never did. It wasn't ever an issue or anything I just kind of enjoyed the fandom from afar. Since seeing Masters of the Air trailer I've been inspired but underwhelmed by self doubt. I want to make OCs and participate in this fandom when the show airs but feel I will be mocked or critiqued if I don't research the history of the period or get something wrong. I'm not academic. I'm just about the blorbos. But the BoB fandom strikes me as hugely intellectual and the fic is always immaculate and we'll researched even stuff that is made up is feasible because of the research. I feel masters of the air is gonna follow the same pattern and I feel intimidated. I'm stopping before I'm starting. I don't want to enjoy the fandom from afar but I don't want to put the legwork in to make a fic historically accurate. But I don't want people jumping on me for being so ignorant. I don't even know what or where I can get face claims from that era to use. I guess this is a cry for help

Kind Anonymous Friend, you come sit over here by me and let's talk.

First, let's start with one thing - there's no right or wrong way to be in a fandom. Fandoms need readers and observers just as much as they need writers, and just by you being here, and being willing to listen and talk, you are valuable, and you are part of the community. Please do not underestimate that.

Second, that's great that you're feeling inspired! That should be celebrated and held close! Even if you do nothing with that idea, if nothing comes from it, that's still valuable too.

I was like you once; I watched Band of Brothers and I didn't come back to write anything for it for nine years, because just like you I was really intimidated.

Every writer likes something different, and does this work for different reasons. The research part is fun for me, so I do a lot of it. (It's me! I am part of the problem!) I know of plenty of authors who care much more about the emotional feel of the thing and couldn't care less about historical facts. You have to figure out what makes sense for you - and it sounds like you already have. Knowing yourself, and your reason for being here, is a great thing. Hold on to that. That's important.

On the flip side of this, every reader likes something different. I'm sure there are some people who think my approach is total bunk - and that's okay!! And I know that there are people who really don't care for the original character approach; thankfully some of those people are still on speaking terms with me even if they don't necessarily like what I do. Not everyone is going to read everything - what matters is that your people find your fic.

I think if you're open about what your process is, or why you're here, people will be more likely to appreciate what you have to offer, or know that while you're a nice person, they're unlikely to enjoy your story and give others the space to appreciate it in peace. I know that's certainly been the case with me.

I think if anxiety about sharing or being mocked is a big deal for you - and it sounds like it is - maybe sharing some of your ideas in, say, a smaller group of friends could be a good idea. And nothing says you have to be public with your ideas at all. Maybe they're just for you. That's okay, too.

And to your last point regarding face claims - there is no right or wrong way to make an OC. I personally think faceclaims are overrated. Most of my characters don't have them.

I hope this helps. I'm giving you a reassuring back-rub and wishing you good luck -and if you need to DM someone, you know where to find me. I believe in you.

[brother-one]

[Twitter repost]

Just because something was the last straw for me today...

On Kainé's intersexuality:

A (long) post, from an intersex person to you 💛💜💛

First of all! Why am I making this post?

I hope it doesn't seem out of nowhere, but let's start bit by bit.

I am making it not because I'm mad at anyone, but because I genuinely want you all to learn about who Kaine as a person, how she can be interpreted, and most details that can be taken and associated to her intersexuality, from an intersex perspective. There's A LOT of things I want to address in this thread, not necessarily all of them negative, but I do think the NieR fandom as a whole needs to get educated on intersexuality.

I can't speak over every single intersex person, but I can give my insight on this.

Now, the first thing I want to address:

1- Kainé, intersexuality AND transness.

Why is this first? Well, because there's a really big issue hiding in plain sight here: Intersexism, and therefore intersex erasure.

First on this, a detail that a lot of you know about, and yet it's not even close to EVERYONE knowing it: The use of the word "hermaphrodite" for an intersex person. Even if it's widely accepted by people as a whole, it is a slur against intersex people and even if some DO reclaim it, its casual use is not correct whenever you employ it to refer to an intersex individual, be it fictional or not. Not only is it considered insensitive, but it's also heavily inaccurate whenever used to describe an intersex individual, even if it may be in fact accurate for, in this case, Kainé.

It is a word a lot of us are uncomfortable with, and seeing a character who is one of the very rare cases of representation being associated with it doesn't really make it better. Especially since being intersex isn't just about the genital differences, but hormonal differences and such. Anything that doesn't conform to the SEX binary is considered intersex, usually also known as hyperandrogenism. I've seen people frequently agreeing that even PCOS can be considered an intersex condition, so there's also that.

Next, is the reduction of Kainé to either a transgender woman, or a transfem individual.

While these headcanons are completely okay and I personally have never minded them, there is an issue hiding here too.

It seems that people either don't care enough about intersex issues to do proper research, or they're blissfully ignorant about general facts on intersexuality.

Some of these facts are:

- Intersexuality isn't a "third sex" or an in between.

- Intersexuality does not NECESSARILY have to do anything with one's gender identity.

- It is completely, and I repeat, COMPLETELY okay to just call someone "intersex".

- Not every intersex person is transgender. Cisgender intersex people exist.

- Even if trans people and intersex people may relate to the other in certain aspects, they're nowhere close to being the same, or to share the exact same experiences.

- Every intersex person experiences gender and life differently.

- There are many, and I say, MANY different intersex conditions.

- Intersexuality is way more frequent than you may think.

And many other facts, really, but they would pretty much need another entire, separate thread to be listed.

Now, where's the issue I want to approach here?

Explained simply to non-intersex people:

Turning a headcanon like trans Kainé into something so widespread not only gives a totally different idea of what her character is from the start, but also gives a place for intersexism to rise. It is a way to force us intersex people into conforming within a system, a binary that EXCLUDES US and always has from the start. Because yes, the current ideas of identity are wrongly still binary.

I thought Kainé was trans from the start. I thought it was extremely cool to have such representation, being also a fellow trans person myself. Then I discovered she's intersex.

Then, everything felt unfair.

To have such an idea of something, then discovering the reality is very different to that idea didn’t feel right. Not because transness is bad because, again, I am trans myself, but because that just feels like everyone is forcing her into transness, when it doesn't have to be like that.

Intersexuality and transness can coexist without problem, the problem only manifests itself when you do not give those two the opportunity to even try and coexist. It is already hard by itself to embrace your body as an intersex person, and personally topping that with transness only makes it more of a struggle. And yet, in the end, everyone's experiences, feelings and identity will always be different to one another. Intersex people can decide to stay as the gender they were assigned (keyword here being assigned) at birth, they can decide to transition (or maybe they could've transitioned way before discovering the fact they're intersex), and they can also decide to just be intergender.

Our experiences and relationship with our body, and the way we perceive ourselves may be similar to the one of, say, a perisex transgender individual, but there will always be a gap between both.

To finish up with the first point, the general objective with this:

I want you all to understand that, while trans people need representation, it's not okay to erase intersexuality or to try and make us fit into your concept of identity. Intersex people are already stigmatized enough, and the last thing we need is erasure. Our voices as a whole are already heavily ignored, so the least we can ask from you is to not erase us. You can keep your headcanons (I encourage so!), but PLEASE don't forget about Kainé's intersexuality. Intersex representation is extremely important and needed, even if the character’s intersexuality may not be handled in the best way sometimes.

In summary:

That is pretty much it for the first point. Now, on to the second:

2- Kainé and body dysphoria.

Here comes a very important part, too.

Some parts of her character and dialogue can be interpreted as dysphoria, and also as a way of showing rejection towards another aspect of her body, since it’s possessed by a shade.

A very important dialogue in the first fight against Hook that I originally interpreted as body dysphoria is:

“She gave me the strength to deal with this goddamn mutant body! Do you know how long I’ve been like this? How much I loathe myself?”

This dialogue has been in my mind ever since I first played. And I still strongly believe it can be interpreted as dysphoria, I just acquired a different perspective on it after finishing NIER and doing a dive into what she is, as a character. While I don’t believe I have the deepest understanding of her, I think I have the main aspects of her character clear.

No one in the world could understand her.

Yet another thing on her I believe is important, is this:

“A heart and body in constant conflict.

Now, and even if she may or may not have dysphoria, here’s something that I think should be spoken of way more often - the fact that dysphoria doesn’t make you transgender. Even if it may be considered necessary in order to get certain medical treatments in the case of trans people, having dysphoria doesn’t make you trans, and not having dysphoria doesn’t make you not trans, either.

And loneliness was eating her alive.”

Because while it may not be part of, say, a main storyline game, if we talk about NieR (it comes from SINoALICE!), it does give us a really interesting sight into her. Even if it may probably refer to her struggle as being possessed, it sounds very familiar to the experience I know as dysphoria.

Kainé’s hatred for her body exists in a way where many reasons for it overlap. I think it could be narrowed down and represented like this:

I think it’s very important to note that Kainé, as a gestalt, wasn’t intersex. Somewhere in the process there was an error that made Kainé, as a replicant, intersex. Which doesn’t sound very good, if you think about it, but it gives you room to think about Kainé a bit differently.

Which takes us to my third (and probably last) point:

3- Kainé and identity.

Carrying on from a detail in the last point, we can see a clear, yet maybe not intentional mistake in her writing. The error of her becoming intersex.

While it can be read as intersexism, it is also rather understandable - mistakes and errors happen, especially if we talk about literally separating soul from body, and considering the fact that there were more defects in the transformation process too. Another very important fact that comes into picture is the different ‘generations’ of replicants, and the way that there have been multiple Kainés over time. So probably, since the system was already long-running by that point, that could be the reason for it.

Still, if we’re taking it the intersexism way - we have to understand that it is not and it will NEVER be caused by some kind of “error” or mistake, even if people have chosen to see it that way for a long time now. It is not an inconvenience nor is it something not meant to happen. It IS meant to happen, and there is much evidence that sex is variant - could go from slight differences, to more “noticeable” ones. Not just in humans, but in animals too.

People want to change something that just happens, that always has. In here, I beg you to take into account the fact that intersex CHILDREN are forced to go through surgeries to make them fit into the sex binary. Children are bullied, hated and seen as freaks just because they were born different. 

Sounds terrible, yes ? Well, thanks to this, many intersex people often feel more comfortable identifying as their own gender - intergender. Others stay cis, and others feel more identified with the term transgender.

Kainé is a hard to figure out case, since she had been and identified as a woman from the start, as much as she had been dehumanized or degraded by others. Because they didn’t even call her a man, for they didn’t think she was deserving of that. She wasn’t deserving of a gender - she was a freak, and that was all of it. Though it is a struggle that a lot of trans people go through too, for intersex people it often comes from society as a whole.

The rejection intersex people go through is there from birth, and the eagerness from others (who don’t even have the right) to change it is too. And as much as it follows us through life, as similar as it may be to trans struggles, it is not and it will never be the same.

For that, trans and intersex people have to stand together, but sometimes that feels like too much to ask of the community.

Because intersex people, much like ace or aro people, are often ignored in queer spaces (or not considered at all, for that matter). It is harsh.

But then there are the intersex trans people, who use both terms. The cis intersex people, the intergender people, the intersex people who chose not to bother with gender…

So that is, too, one reason why lots of intersex individuals choose to not call themselves trans, as much as they may identify with the term. Or the complete opposite, choosing to present themselves as transgender, as to not have to bear with the load that is being intersex sometimes.

After some time of knowing her, I think canon Kainé fits into the cis intersex category by a lot - considering she has always identified and KNOWN she is a woman. But of course, that is canon.

You are free not to, I can’t stop you. But I think that, if you’re perisex and trans, it shows the way you are with the people who have stood with you since always. To not recognize our existence is to not recognize a part of what brought all of us trans people to where we are.

My headcanon? Trans, intersex woman. Not hard or complicated, is it ?

And that is the way it should be, if you want to listen to intersex people. To listen to our voices.

So, please, if you care about us - don’t take away from intersex people what we have struggled so much to even get.

To close this thread, I just have to say: Thank you for reading, I hope you could at least learn something or get a bit of perspective on to what being an intersex person is like, and a bit of interpretation about Kainé from one.

If you want to go ahead and follow what I’ve said on it, you have a forever thanks from me. Happy pride month guys <3

[set-wingedwarrior]

This Pride let me share one happy story

It's nothing big, just a little something that happened a couple of weeks ago.

So, my room in the place I share with a couple of other students is pretty big and I love it. Only problem, a too tiny shelf for books, which is why I asked my landlord if I could attach some more on the walls.

He told me that there was no problem, that he actually had like 5 shelves ready to get attached and to just call him whenever to get them up (I know the general opinion on landlords on usa standards, here in Italy we do have our problems but are smaller, it's a different situation and my current landlord is actually a super nice, helpful and caring person).

When I finally got some free time from studying, I asked him to come over to get the job done, and we did, he got me everything I needed and I helped him get two shelves up. He also told me that if I wanted more to just ask.

Now, I have my ace pride flag hanging over one wall (one of the shelves I asked to put right above it actually), and a tinier rainbow flag on my desk hanging from the desk lamp.

I was a little nervous at first about them because I didn't explicitdly know his position on lgbt+ stuff, I talked about it with my roomate (who's been here for like 8 years now, and is very close to him), who is also queer, and she was pretty sure he was fine and that it was kinda impossible he didn't notice she was queer, even if she never explicitdly say so. Just in case, I made sure he came over when she was home as well.

While we worked on the walls he didn't mention them. He just moved the ace flag because using the drill might have gotten it dirty, but that aside he really ignored them and focused on the work. Only after we were done, he said something.

"...what is this one for? I didn't know this one" he said, nodding at the ace one.

I laughed, a little nervous saying that ti wasn't super well known (I mean, as much as we talk more about asexuality, it isn't as "mainstream" as others). Then I tell him honestly "this is the asexual one, for asexuality".

He then looks at the flag, then looks at the rainbow one on my desk, points at it and says "Ohhhh, so they're relatives!!"

I laughed telling him that yes, asexuality is another category. After that we talked a much more stuff about the apartment with my roomate as well, then he said goodbye and went home.

I wanted to share because the way he expressed it, "they're relatives", like being in the same family, is both an accurate and very cute way to say it.

And most importantly, it was no "coming out", or "weird discovery", it was just a genuine simple question, learning something new, and that was it. Full acceptance, zero problems. It was very nice and the kind of world I aspire to and hope that we will achieve someday. One where this isn't a special story from me to share, but the norm for everyone.

I know I'm lucky, and I'm happy I'm able to share this little thing. I hope you all will get things like this too. I'm still taking it as a good sign, as a show of progress.

Happy Pride :)

[margridarnauds]

Do you have a favorite musical composer or director? If so, why are they your favorite!

Tough question, but I do maintain that I do, genuinely, like Frank Wildhorn's work.

Okay -- Pretty much all the critical reviews of his stuff are 100% accurate. The man often sacrifices plot and characterization to spectacle and pop ballads, but...there's something to be said for SPECTACLE, isn't there? We're living in an age where Broadway is increasingly....un-ambitious. Which you could argue has been the case for ages now, but it's not getting *better*. I grow weary of the endless putting down of jukebox musicals; I think they're a valid art form and a valid approach to musicals, but the truth is that we DO currently have no fewer than three currently on Broadway at the moment. The age of the overblown gothic spectacle has been swept away by this sleek, modern musical that is increasingly embarrassed of the fact that it's a musical to begin with.

And...Frank Wildhorn is many things, but chief among them is EARNEST. He genuinely BELIEVES in his musicals and in romance and in love ballads and sword fights and adventure, and it shows. Yes, the time I spent with Wonderland was 2 hours of my life that I'll never get back, but STILL. He *cared* about it. He LOVES spectacle, he loves over the top stagings that draw you into the world of the musical, he loves period settings and that scratches a specific place in my id.

He also, genuinely, LOVES villain songs, and it shows. His most iconic songs are, overwhelmingly, the villain songs -- "Life after Life" from Dracula, "The Reign of Terror" from Robespierre, "I Will Prevail" from Wonderland, "Falcon in the Dive" from Scarlet Pimpernel, "Monster Inside of Me" from The Man Who Laughs, "A Story Told" from The Count of Monte Cristo, either "Hurricane" or "The Game Begins" from Death Note (depending on if you view a "villain song" as belonging to a villain or an antagonist), "You belong to me" from Carmen (though imo, Zuniga is Wildhorn's most vile and terrifying villain, yes, even in competition with Hyde), "You and I" from Svengali...the man GETS villain songs and how they work, and it means that his villains, imo, are often more charismatic and interesting than his leads (who are often, again, imo, bland self-inserts who hurt the women around them, who take it with a loving smile because they are the Madonna in the Madonna-Whore dichotomy...which could be interesting if it was explored more but is often taken for granted.)

This is especially true with his female villains which...I know we've discussed this before, but it's so GREAT to see female villains get VILLAIN SONGS. There truly aren't that many female villains in musical theatre, fewer who actually...are allowed...to be villains. It feels sometimes like, even though we've improved so MUCH even since I first started being a musical fan, about....14 years ago...there's still an expectation that women's songs in theatre should be Girl Power songs, or sad, or soft, and...that's great, but sometimes, *I* want to be the badass, powerful one. Also pretty lady step on me. Morgana from XCalibur (even though she suffers from some tragic writing in both versions of it) and Hatter from Wonderland, even though they're not EXEMPT from sexist writing decisions, ARE badass, when they're allowed to be. Likewise, Lucy from Jekyll and Hyde (again, who isn't exempt from sexist decisions) gets some of the most iconic songs from the musical. Mina from Dracula, ditto-- "Please Don't Make Me Love You". Carmen and Mata Hari (and, again, ditto for not being exempt from sexism) both have their OWN shows, and, imo, are presented in a way that tries to understand them and gives them some really strong songs that get to the heart of why they are the way they are. I'm forever in MOURNING for "If you Only Knew" from Jekyll and Hyde, since it REALLY got to the heart of Emma/Lisa's character in an interesting way (likewise for "Lisa Carew" from the concept album). "Viva" from Carmen is a great example of a woman just...enjoying life and enjoying living life, while "I Can't Go Back" from Mata Hari is a great exploration of Mata's fears, her anxiety over being dragged back into a life she's terrified of leaving behind.

The man is a middle aged straight white male composer -- fine, but also...how many composers are perfect? It's a matter of choosing what flaws you're willing to live with and which ones you aren't. Plenty of people are fine with, for example, Kunze and Levay's, and I feel like they do less but claim more re: their depictions of women. I feel like Frankhorn...does *try*, especially since marrying Wao Yoka, and I think that he does love her. I think that she's really helped him expand his repertoire and his range as far as his subject matter, and I think that his move to Japan (specifically, Takarazuka) and Korea as far as his focus is probably for the best, as it allows him to do what he wants with an audience who will actually appreciate him.

[wildlyplanted]

Snap back

Make a cup of tea or coffee because this is a long one :)

The other day, I was watching the YouTube channel of a couple I follow. They just welcomed a baby, and the latest vlog was the woman showing her 3 weeks postpartum body, which looked unbelievably great, and for some reason, I felt a little uncomfortable while watching.

I asked myself, "why?" as I thought back to all the similar vlogs I’ve viewed. I think the postpartum vlogs that make me uncomfortable are the ones where the woman seems to be having a quick “snap back.”

“But why?” I asked myself, again. Then it dawned on me. Most of the women I know didn't recover as quickly as some of the women I see in vlogs and on social media. I think this notion and perpetuation of "snapping back" is detrimental to women, especially while they’re in such a vulnerable state, having just given birth.

In this particular vlog, the woman mentioned (multiple times) how she still needs to lose weight, criticized and pointed out areas of her body, including her stomach, even though her body was recovering, remarkably. This blew my mind because I was thinking "Oh my goodness, you grew a baby in your uterus, of course it’s still swollen! You just brought life into the world! Stop!!”

In my sensitive opinion, I think the conversation around postpartum should not be focused on a mother’s body and how fast she is, “snapping back” and I don’t think women should offer up their postpartum bodies for debate. These “snap back” vlogs and social media posts can cause women to be subjected to unfair comparisons by their partner, causing feelings of inadequacy and stress. Comparison shouldn’t happen, but I can guarantee it does.

Instead, the focus should be on mothers receiving an abundance of support from their partners and the trusted people around them in caring for a new baby, eating well, getting ample rest, feeling ease and calm, feeling confident in expressing the status of their mental and emotional health, and overall feeling extra taken care of.

I understand that for some women, the healing process happens nicely, and they feel good enough to exercise as soon as they're cleared by the doctor, and they're in a good space. I also understand that many women who give birth for the first time have been shocked to find out that 6 weeks is not entirely accurate for how long it can take a woman to heal because the dominant narrative is the quick “snap back.”

I'm so thankful and appreciative that more mothers are sharing their childbirth and postpartum journey and showing how different it can look from what we see on social media. Showing that it can be a long way down the road before you feel comfortable in your body again, or before that favorite outfit fits the way it used to.

Additionally, I’m grateful to all the women who are bringing to the forefront, important conversations about healing after having a baby. As someone who has yet to give birth, I want to know as much as I can about the process, keeping in mind that each woman’s experience is unique to her. Something that I’m surprised to only have recently found out is that before a woman even thinks about any sort of working out, she should first take care to strengthen her core and pelvic floor, and only after that, begin working out again.

Hearing and seeing different narratives are so important, because for example, I had no idea that Pelvic Floor Specialists existed until a couple of years ago. I also had no clue that so many women experience Diastasis Recti and when that is the case, they should absolutely not do any typical ab workouts because it will make it worse and most definitely cause setbacks and issues. Working with a Pelvic Floor Specialist is the appropriate procedure.

I’m quite stunned that the medical community does not do women justice regarding postpartum. Why aren’t all mothers given a proper exam to determine if she has Diastasis Recti? Why aren’t all mothers referred to a Pelvic Floor Specialist as a place to start after they’ve been cleared for movement? I’m not sure if insurance would even cover the cost of the specialist.

If men were the ones to give birth, the postpartum period would be 6 months, not weeks and every sort of specialist would be offered up to them, along with insurance covering it all!

Not only is 6 weeks an inefficient and unreasonable amount of time, in my opinion, for a woman to heal– it’s definitely not enough time for a mother to even begin thinking about losing weight or “snapping back.” I would imagine, she just wants to be able to sit and stand without being in pain.

The last point I would like to make, is that I don’t think men truly know how painful and traumatic childbirth and postpartum healing is. Even though more women are sharing about the realities of childbirth and the aftermath, I think so many more don’t share because their journey doesn’t look like what we see on YouTube and social media.

Not enough women are talking about how terrible it feels (I can only imagine) to have swollen and painful private parts, a swollen uterus, hurting when peeing, bleeding a river up to 6 weeks, in some cases, pain during breastfeeding and experiencing issues like Diastasis Recti. Now add on top of that, being expected to perfectly care for your baby, knowing exactly what to do at all times, enduring sleepless nights with little help in some cases, leaking milk and standing in a body that you don't feel comfortable in and can hardly recognize. Then add even more on top of that, being the main person your baby clings to for survival and support and fighting unhealthy thoughts about how your body looks like or what it will look like weeks and months down the line. Imagine how mentally and emotionally taxing it is to love your child and at the same time not like what carrying and birthing your child has done to your body. It’s A LOT!

Welcoming a baby into the world will always be a heavier burden on the mother and just straight-up unfair to her in so many ways. The “snap back” narrative just adds more unreasonableness and should be done away with!

*Shout out to the loving partners who play an equal part in caring for the baby and who help alleviate some of the mental and emotional stress that women experience during postpartum.

Where you can find me/how to contact me:

IG: wildlyplanted

YouTube: Wildly Planted (this is a work in progress, but I’m finding direction)

Email: wildlyplanted@zoho.com

[jasper-pagan-witch]

Hi friend! Hope your end of the year is going well, and that you're drinking enough water.

You said that your asks were open and empty, and yooo, do I have a few questions my ADHD brain forgot about. 😂

One, I remember seeing a couple posts from you about deities and entities, and I was curious about your general experience with how you connected with them. Don't want to pry, but curious about the process you went through. (It's my next subject of study after I finish a tarot project)

Two, what things (witchcraft related or not) do you like to do at the end of the year?

Three, what is your least favorite misconception about the witchcraft community, and why?

And four, favorite source (like a blog, yt channel, book) for spell, tips, etc?

This reads like more of a "get to know you" vs anything specific, doesn't it? 😅😂

Ooo, I'm gonna have a lot to stay here, so I'm gonna break out my fun post dividers that I make over on @jasper-graphics to help split things up!

How I connect with deities is interesting compared to all of the 101 posts I see about deity work. I build an altar, verbally introduce myself once, and then proceed as though they're definitely already there. I'll use divination such as tarot to interact with deities and interpret messages, because I fucking love tarot.

Other than that? As long as I feel like I'm getting a go-ahead, I'll just go ahead. If I don't, I'll thank them for their time and put things away - sometimes some of the stuff will go to other deities, but otherwise everything gets put in a box together in case I need to talk to or work with that deity in particular again.

I just fucking rest at the end of the year. I don't care about "preparing for the new year" or "saying good-bye to the old year" in any way. I just have to remind myself to use the right year for a good couple of months while I get used to the forward march of time.

Boring? Yes. Do I care? No.

I don't like any of the general ideas of the witchcraft community, even back when I was a witch. I don't care for people calling us all Wiccans, or all dark, or all "black magic users" (which is SUPER RACIST btw), or all soft and sweet, or that we all follow the Wheel of the Year...I just don't like stereotypes, even if they're "accurate" to myself or others.

That's why I'm a wizard, not a witch. I gave up on the whole thing because I was tired of having to scream not all witches at Generic Wicca Is Witchcraft Is Wicca Book #347.

I have many favorite sources for ideas. I tend to hoard posts on @jasper-grimoire, but I'm a big fan of the following things:

Books:

Grovedaughter Witchery | Bree NicGarran/@breelandwalker

Ozark Folk Magic | Brandon Weston

Queer Magic | Tomas Prower

Morbid Magic | Tomas Prower

Do I Have to Wear Black? | Mortellus

honestly most of the books in the beginner magic section of my bookshelf

YouTube Channels:

Annabel Margaret | The Green Witch (same person, two YouTube accounts)

The Witch of Wonderlust

Chaotic Witch Aunt

I'm also becoming fond of The Stitchin' Witch, but that's one of those channels where I have to speed up the voice.

I watch a few more magic/tarot YouTubers, but I keep yelling at them to get to the point and to script their videos because they stumble over their thoughts, repeat things over and over, or fill their speech with "uh" and "um". It's YouTube, you can edit your videos before you put them up, I promise-

Ahem. Moving on.

Tumblr Blogs:

@crazycatsiren

@will-o-the-witch

@serpentandthreads

@stagkingswife

@traegorn

@windvexer

@breelandwalker of course

And more, but once you follow all of these people, you can look at the recommended blogs on their pages and go from there. Go observe their posts and read their masterposts. Give them your money if you can. They do so much to better this platform and the magic community as a whole and deserve to be supported.

Hopefully this gave you a bit of insight into what I consider to be pretty decent things! Above all, be respectful.

~Jasper

[lunarsilkscreen]

A theory on ovulation inspired by Rebecca in the Bible

So there's this frog that ovulates when pregnant women pee on it, and this is half of the premise. The other half is the verse that Handsmaid tale is based on...

Now there are many places in the Bible that showcase older women having children. Barren women having children. And God basically preventing women from having children *until* the very last second.

The question here is *how?*

Some scholars suggest that it's because women were married to older men as children. Because of course; women were object of which to birth nations. And not *really people* despite the beginning of Genesis suggesting otherwise.

Rebecca did not marry Jacob for 14 years. So even if she were 14 before that point; she was not married until she was 28. Even then the Bible describes her as "shapely" which, most 14 year olds are not!

And even then; her elder sister Leah had several children while Rebecca remained barren.

So much so that she had committed her handmaiden Billah to have children in her stead.

Several more children were born to Leah and Billah before God allowed Rebecca to even become pregnant with Joseph.

What I'm saying is; Rebecca was likely menopausal age before she conceived her first son, and then she had a second.

You might be saying that "Well these stories are fiction" or "They're allegorical".

But what if they're not. And I'm not saying the story is entirely literal, but what if it's even remotely based on actual happenstance if not completely true?

Another story features Abraham and Serah who had their first child *in their 90s* holy f*.

And while she might be up for debate here, the Bible says the oldest humans lived for 200 years sometimes. Years could have gotten longer or shorter, or lifespans shorter because humans aren't very good at taking care of themselves to live long lives.

So the question we're left with is the how and the why of the matter.

As we know; At about 40 a woman typically goes through manopause. This is the biological process where a woman stops producing estrogen and goes through male puberty due to increased testosterone production.

That's only partially a joke. But mostly scientifically accurate.

They don't "run out of eggs" as some dumsdums suggest; they just stop ovulating. This is exactly what happens to trans men when they go through hormone replacement therapy. They don't become infertile... Their eggs just go into stasis. And then they can donate them to women who actually want them.

So what does this have to do with Frogs?

Well; pregnant women pee has a lot of hormones related to pregnancy in it. So the reason those frogs ovulate is *because* of the jacked up amount of hormones.

To say this with different more unsavory and discriminatory phrasing; Trans Women used to use pregnant mare pee as a source of estrogen in order to transition.

So let's put all that together; There's a possibility in scientific advancement that we have not studied yet because we assume it's "impossible" or at the very least "improbable" that a cis woman can get pregnant after menopause with hormone therapy and just... Regular sexual activity instead of invitro-fertilization.

Not only that; because hormonal imbalances can cause a woman not to ovulate; high estrogen being a form of contraception, and testosterone in the case of trans men; there's a possibility of even keeping a woman's eggs dormant *inside her gametes* through hormone therapy.

Where does this part come from? Well; if Rebekah had high estrogen all her life, and didn't see a reduction in estrogen *until* menopause; then that would be when her natural ovulation cycle actually started.

In what we consider to be old age.

So uhm. Anyway; I'm not a doctor, or a woman's health specialist. I'm just a random scholar who reads stuff and puzzles things together in her free time.

But like; It'd make a really good PhD thesis if true, right?

[dredshirtroberts]

I have a few minutes and some thoughts and i might as well put them out into the universe and see where it gets me

I'm relearning how to be a people, which i think i've said already on here. It's still true, btw.

Actually I'm relearning how to be several people but that's a conversation for another time perhaps.

I've found comfort in a lack of definition. Much like my over-sized sweatshirt, I like not needing to be perceived on a metaphysical level as much as I enjoy not being perceived on a physical level.

[img ID: a gif of Inigo Montoya from The Princess Bride saying "Let me explain... No, there is too much. Let me sum up"]

I lived by labels for a very long time. I also wore clothes that fit tight to my skin, exposed a lot of my skin for comfort reasons as well as desire reasons. I liked being seen because I felt invisible. I liked being placed into a box because I didn't feel like I belonged anywhere. I wanted people to look at me and think I was the most fuckable in the supermarket (despite being under 18 for a large portion of the time i was doing this).

This conflicted with my self image a lot. Despite being a perfectly fine weight and shape my whole life, I was convinced very early on (when i was at my smallest even) that i was unattractive because i was too heavy. This is something I am still unpacking and I have a lot of thoughts and feelings on the subject of my body in this regard. This is not the time for that.

I wanted to be Shaped. I wanted to Exist Specifically. As in I wanted to be something specific so that I could point to it for people and go "here! this is me! this is what i am! please see me!" I tried on many boxes - sometimes they were ones that fit me, sometimes they were ones i tried to fit myself into. Some worked. Some didn't. Some have stuck around and I keep for nostalgia's sake. Some I still wear from time to time as it suits me, or as I need to.

But life isn't box-shaped. It's not neat and tidy, there is no clear delineation between colors. How do you know which is green-yellow and which is yellow-green - when does one become the other exactly? Point to it on the gradient, please.

(I can use that analogy because I can see more colors than most according to online tests and I can't find the point of change) (jokes but also)

The fact that I am not just me but many factors into these feelings, of course. I have a nebulous grasp of gender on the best days - whose gender, is it accurate? are we feeling it now Mr. Krabbs? What does it mean to feel like a man, like a woman, like a girl, like a boy, like something outside of that, like none of the above, anyway? Why does it matter?

Am I autistic? ADHD? Struggling with C-PTSD from my childhood trauma? Depressed? Anxious? Are they symptoms or are they diagnoses? Does Bruno Mars is gay?

Why does it matter?

I mean for me specifically, for other people your answers might vary. And in some cases maybe I need the labels still - for accommodation, for pointing to what is going on with me so I can work on it and fix it, for existing in the world outside of the apartment, for dealing with family or friends who i'm not that close to yet.

But why do I need them? I'm not using them outside of those cases - perhaps having a set that fits best would help in a couple of those scenarios but which ones? and why? and fitting best only goes so far - what if i've picked inaccurately and it still chafes? Do I go to a cobbler to fix my shoes i got from walmart? No, I just wear them until they're shaped around my foot or i give them away and say "maybe not for me". With a little time and sitting in the zone maybe i'll make the box fit me, reworking the definitions and shoving the parts i don't care for out of the way.

Am I bisexual? Pan? does it matter? I like everyone regardless. I prefer one flag over the other because I like the colors better. Am I aromantic? Maybe! How about a good vague label - they've got lots thankfully. So do the Aces because how can I tell something that no one will explain in detail what i'm supposed to "just know" according to them. I can't "just know" anything - that's not actually how my brain works.

If you can't describe it, I can't tell you whether or not I feel it because lord help me if I can know how I feel about anything.

What is anger if not sadness made fire? What is grief if not love without a home? What is gender if not a box I need to settle into and see if it fits around me, like a cheap sneaker?

Maybe much like the rest of my wardrobe, most of these boxes are second-hand, given to me by others that I've made my own because I didn't know where to find my own. And perhaps the right boxes are out there somewhere, or maybe I'll just finally pull out my sewing machine and start making my own clothes and my own boxes to fit into.

I contain multitudes and perhaps I'm not meant for any single box. perhaps i am meant for many. Perhaps I am meant for none. who can say.

Anyway I'm trying on They/Them pronouns. Feels like it'll fit better maybe.

[doomed-era]

so zelda as a series is generally not that interested in historical accuracy to the point if you call it strict medieval fantasy I'm going to assume you've never played any of them, or you weren't paying any attention. despite the whole swords and sorcery thing, zelda generally does not try to draw from a specific time period for more than maybe one or two things pre-botw, and includes wildly "out of place" technologies at various points that seem to contradict where they are in the "timeline."

for example, ye olde neon lighting:

ye olde steam-powered boat:

ye olde baseball:

ye olde remote controlled device:

pretty much no zelda game before botw has ever been concerned with being that grounded in its worldbuilding. hell a link to the past has dwarves for no reason and a wind waker npc implies they know what brain surgery is. it's got the general aesthetic of medieval fantasy, but it never pretends to take it that seriously or stick that closely to it.

then we get to botw and they're like "oh my god what is rubber"

which, sure, fine, nothing's inherently wrong with modern hyruleans not knowing what rubber is. a culture could have very sophisticated tech and not know what rubber is simply because it's not relevant to them. however I doubt that's the case here. there's a very strict divide in technology in botw: "ancient tech" and the technology that most of hyrule has, which is...actually kind of jarring when you compare it to other games, where technology is much more evenly distributed even where there are "advanced ancient civilizations." there's no weird minigames that involve big colorful mechanical spinning wheels, no automated bombs, no implied brain surgery. which, again! nothing wrong with this, but tonally it's very different from the games before it, and I can see why others would consider it an unwelcome addition.

I'm also not saying that botw is period-accurate, because it is also not adhering to anything more than a basic aesthetic--but from what I've observed, its "open-air" design and commitment to groundedness do cut out a lot of the more colorful and weird parts of zelda, and there are advantages and disadvantages to it. on one hand, I think it can lead to some fun speculation, because all the game will tell us about it is that some dipshit king banned the cool stuff. on the other hand, it's...kind of boring. idk i dont feel too strongly about this choice

OKAY ONTO THE FUN PART. so "we are going to stick harder to the whole medieval fantasy thing in botw" thing also permeates the story, tone, and infrastructure of hyrule, while still attempting to tell a story within the confines of the previous games' sense of groundedness.

let's take minish cap as an example.

minish cap's version of castle town is super fun and godd i love it so much. everything is cozy, princess zelda is free to walk around as she pleases and enjoy a festival with her friend. no one really treats her with, say, reverence-- she's basically just a girl to the townsfolk, though an important one. zelda is a princess, for sure, but the infrastructure of hyrule and how much political power she has is pretty debatable. minish cap is not interested in answering those questions, and its atmosphere makes it obvious that it doesn't intend to. sure, there's guards and a postman, but they really don't tie into anything; they might as well just be townsfolk. it is meant to be whimsical, lighthearted fantasy, and this suits it very well!

in my opinion, pretty much every version of hyrule is meant to have some sort of whimsical quality to it, no matter how dark the game gets. I don't know if the fandom always understands this though. it's one thing to be aware of the games' level of worldbuilding when you're writing fanfic and aus, and expand upon it with careful research and creative additions, and it's another to just insert more of the trappings of pop culture medieval aesthetic without putting in any actual depth or research. and...yeah that's what some of botw's worldbuilding feels like to me in its attempt to look more grounded. it wants so desperately to be taken seriously, for you to see zelda as a person with real struggles and for hyrule itself to feel like a real place while not doing enough to make zelda real and not enough to make hyrule feel lived in. there's implied to be a full standing army in pre-calamity hyrule, there are roads and towns and prisons and citadels and forts and zelda has servants and there's a royal guard and link is an actual soldier (he has never been one canonically before botw!!) there is a LOT of implication here about how hyrule used to be structured, but it's never elaborated on and instead we get repetitive information about one or two characters to the point that it's annoying! god it drives me crazy. zelda's field research outfit is meant to look like an english riding outfit and she has ladies in waiting in the dlc!!! but it still cannot bother to make any of these choices MEAN anything to the larger story; it's just meant to look good, so don't draw any conclusions about how power works and might be abused because the devs cannot commit to the groundedness they need, and are only concerned with making it look grounded.

idk does that make sense

i'm gonna rant about botw's obsession with appearing more serious and grounded worldbuilding-wise than other zelda games but it actually being rather shallow and how it annoys me hold on