#and even in cases where they're accurate why do you care so much about some 14yos on twitter having baby's first internalized misogyny

[spring-ephemeral]

my most #problematic take is that i find discussions about misogyny in fandom extremely tiring and at least 50% extremely overblown

[sullina]

i honestly really appreciate Mairimashita Iruma-kuns take on demons, because demons in many fiction-works (which is... all of them, bc demons aren't actually real...) are portrayed as selfish and only doing what they want, or are literally just 1:1 to humans but this time with horns.

And yeah, in "Iruma-kun", they're also selfish and do whatever they want, but they're also still very much social and have a (more or less) working society. So they can work together, despite their selfishness.

And this also reflects in the demons we see working. Full disclosure, i don't remember that much right now, but just thinking of the teachers at Babyls, they all absolutely love their jobs and are amazing at it, if to varying levels.

And why wouldn't they? Demons only do whatever they wanna do. The teachers at Babyls aren't forced to work as teachers, they chose to become teachers, because that's what they wanted to do. And if you love something, you're willing to put a lot of work into it.

Even Kaluego, despite his usual demeanor and attitude, loves being a teacher, and especially wants to see every single one of his students grow to their fullest potential. Why else would he have a notebook dedicated to each and every single student? I don't think teachers are required to do that, so the only answer left is that he loves his job.

Also Balam, who gets so excited about new things that it scares most students.

And Bachiko, who taught Iruma archery. She was tough on him, but she never called him annoying or wanted him to go away, unless you count the beginning of their training, but even that was because she had so many students give up and didn't think Iruma was any different. Once he had proven himself to be capable and willing to do whatever it took to master archery, she was behind him 110%.

I just love this take, because on the one hand, it's more fresh, and on the other, also seems a little more... accurate?

Because consider any other medium where demons are portrayed as hating and killing each other on the daily, but still have cities and schools, and just a society in general (if a broken one), and it's said that it's "always been this way". Basically just "humans with horns and way more hostile". Why the fuck would they band together if they can't cross paths without trying to tear each others throats out? Why would they reproduce? If a demon can't care for anything other than its own individual self, why would they raise their children? Let alone anyone elses children, like in schools? You don't band together, unless there's some sort of benefit that outweighs the cost. In that kind of world, it makes no sense that demons would have cities, let alone countries, and without countries, there wouldn't be any wars either. Wars are fought by countries, which is a collection of people, or demons in this case, all fighting collectively for the same goal. If demons don't fight for a collective goal, because they're not a collective, there can't be any wars, only senseless bloodshed where it's everyone vs. everyone and the winner is the last individual left alive.

And yeah, in Mairimashita it's still said that it kinda sorta was like this a long time ago, but it's not like this now, and the clear reason is that Delkira, the demon king, made it this way, in part by introducing the rank system that allowed anyone to get higher in their society. And even then, in that "a long time ago", demons still had a society, just not an equal one. And while we see demons being selfish in the manga/anime, we also know that they CAN care for others, be it their friends or family. And in that amusement park arc, i distinctly remember a child being trapped in a building that could come down any second, and Iruma, the resident human, stepping in to save the child, which inspired his demonic friends to step in and help him. So yeah, demons in mairima are very much naturally selfish, but not to such an extent that they can't care for others.

[maximumzombiecreator]

I have a question about mapping the dungeon - all the games I've been a part of that weren't theatre of the mind had the GM prepare and draw the maps, both for encounters and dungeon exploration, typically on a whiteboard or dry erase mat. What are the pros and cons on having players map out the dungeon instead? How is this handled for OSR dungeon crawling typically? I can foresee miscommunication and distraction leading to incorrect maps - how much should the GM intervene in these cases? Does player mapping slow down the game?

Typically, OSR games will have someone assigned to be the mapper, both literally, in terms of drawing the players' copy of the map and within the fiction, having their character (or a hireling) doing the mapping. In most systems, the rate of movement through the dungeon includes mapping as part of what the party is doing (hence why if you look at the actual pace of movement it's really slow.) This means that in situations like fleeing from enemies, the characters are not able to map and the GM won't give them things like measurements, just a vague sense of what they see. Similarly, it's often something that a character does while exploring a room. Someone will investigate the interesting thing, someone will keep watch, someone will be mapping the room.

Now, if you're running on a grid, then I think it's pretty much essential for the GM to draw the maps when they're needed for combat. There's no sense adding a game of telephone into the mix every time you're setting up for a fight. In this case, I think you can either just accept that the party gets some free detail when they get into a fight, or you can go all the way and just have the GM provide the map that the characters draw.

For the most part, the decision whether to do manual mapping depends on if it's a type of gameplay that you care about. Because it is gameplay. Classic D&D dungeon maps often contained elements designed to confuse and frustrate mappers. Dwarves have the ability to detect slopes in passageways specifically because dungeons would contain features like that so that the party could switch levels without knowing that they had. In that sense, incorrect maps are a desirable outcome.

Typically, a GM will only want to intervene if something has gone unfairly wrong. If the map of a room or section is so wildly incorrect that the in-world character couldn't reasonably have arrived at it, it needs to be corrected. But for small mistakes (or just tricky dungeon design) your mapper could potentially end up sitting, staring at their map, trying to puzzle out what's gone wrong so that they can find their way back to the surface. Certified map sicko (affectionate) Dyson Logos has even made Mapper's Challenge dungeons that really put this skillset to the test.

And this can lead to some really great moments! Good mapping can be a way for the party to find secret doors and rooms, with their mapping leaving conspicuous gaps for them to look into. Likewise I've had players figure out based on their mapping that a wall was thin, and opt to mine through it in order to circumvent a difficult fight. In classic dungeons, partial maps were also often part of loot. This might include treasure maps, as well. A fragmentary map that shows a secret treasure will have the mapper scrambling to figure out how it fits into the map they have so far.

It does slow down the game, but all gameplay slows down the game, right? That said, I think it's a form of gameplay that works best if there are players who are going to engage with it enthusiastically. If the party is going to be in the position of forcing someone to be the mapper, it may be better just to work collaboratively with the players to keep an accurate map of what they should have been able to map so far. But if the players are into that gritty kind of playstyle, where the characters might be sitting in a dank hole, looking at their scribbles, trying to figure out how to make their way home? It's great, it's honestly fantastic.

[creature-wizard]

Hello, your special interest in conspiracy theories might prove insightful for my predicament.

i've been having very strange things happening to me from a young age, and only in the past few years have i begun to accept them and embrace them. however, whenever i try to search for any information about them, i find these new age conspiracy rabbit-holes that as you've made clear are just thinly veiled white supremacist nonsense.

I wonder if transcendent experiences (in my case having direct, regular and positive interaction with a caring nonhuman entity as well as accurate premonitions for largely mundane future events) are not that uncommon but we either push them to the back of our mind and make them out to be wishful thinking or odd quirks of the brain.

That therein I think may be one of the reasons why the new age cult is the monster it is today: a vacuum of explanation and community for the very real and unexplainable experiences people leads them to new age sooner or later. In these rabbit-holes I often found people speaking of very similar experiences to mine but immediately attributing it to explanations provided by this cult, ones that i felt very deep in my gut to be bullshit.

Do you think the apprehension to discuss & believe genuine spiritual experiences for fear of a loss of acceptance by your peers is detrimental to non-new age spiritual communities? I observe that online pagan, witch, etc circles are rife with this apprehension, of either accepting their or others experiences, either actively or passively by adjusting language used to appeal to the assumed skepticism of the audience. New age, on the other hand, appeared to be far more accepting of the reality of these experiences.

A general unwillingness to consider strange and seemingly inexplicable events (spiritual experiences, UFO encounters, etc) without trying to apply a "rational" yet wholly inadequate explanation is absolutely a problem. The people who do this aren't even necessarily trying to be dismissive, but it can still often feel that way.

Meanwhile, New Age and the conspiracysphere in general will usually provide some sort of explanation that at least feels adequate, especially to those who aren't particularly scientifically or historically literate. (Although some people are so desperate that they'll set aside their scientific and historical knowledge.) New Age alien mythology, for example is of course chock full of nonsense, but it's still more validating than "you hallucinated it" or "you just saw a normal aircraft."

That said, I also don't think this is the only problem. People in general are just uncomfortable with not having answers, and don't really understand how having no answer is better than having a bad answer. Furthermore, people often perceive scientists as waffly and ignorant because scientists have a much better understanding of how much they don't know than the average person, and are therefore more hesitant to give firm answers; whereas conspiracy theorists, who are often incredibly ignorant as to how much they just don't understand, will just trumpet their beliefs with absolute certainty, and thus feel more likely to be right.

Overall I'd say there's a big cloth mother/wire mother problem going on, where New Age conspirituality often provides comfort and validation where more critical viewpoints typically do not.

Sometimes, people's egos just get in the way, like the person who has an incredibly vivid experience where they perceive a divine being telling them they're the reincarnation of Jesus Christ, and doesn't want to hear that maybe their experience shouldn't be taken at face value, and maybe they shouldn't go and start a cult over it.

So yeah, I'd say it's a combination of factors, and I think overall it could be helped by everyone coming to terms with not needing to have an answer or a solution to things like this all the time. We don't need to always assume that we already have enough information to adequately explain things like this, and that it's better to not have an answer than to come up with a bad one. And I think it could also be helped by understanding that just because the current "rational" answer is wholly inadequate, doesn't mean that the conspiratorial or spiritual one is any better. And I think we all need to be more aware of people's need for validation and comfort, and do our best to be more compassionate and understanding in general.

[princelylove]

Your Prince, I do believe there is no statement on what your highness prefers for flavour! Do you prefer a sweet, savoury, or spicy snack? I find myself leaning heavily to sweets, or extreme spice.

I also wanted request: can we please to hear your thoughts on how Narancia may feel about a feminine reader that doesn’t play into their gender role well? I saw in a previous post your highness sees him as a bit sexist (and I loved it). Terrible cook, doesn’t clean up the apartment while he’s gone, responds with the same annoyed deadpan he gives when he demands something. I find myself on the “stir the pot until it gets you kicked out or killed” end of suicidal; it’s fun to annoy people.

I hope this doesn’t break your rules about specific readers, but I’d like to hear your thoughts! Thank you

Mmm.... well, it depends. If you're having dinner, you want something savory. If it's during the day, spicy, because I adore salads with a bit of a kick to them. But, other than that, sweet. All of my favorite foods are. Rice pudding with either cinnamon powder, pistachios, or coconut shreds in them, dates, more I can't think of at the moment..... my heart belongs to sweet things.

My rules are kind of iffy because if something interests me enough I will abandon my morals to talk about it. Sometimes it's just factual that a character has a sister/mother complex and I feel like it's doing an injustice if I don't write the character's psychology accurately, regardless of how much I don't want my page to be ridden with emotional incest even as a background not the main topic thing. So it really depends on my mood. Just develop a gambling addiction if you're going to be a consistent anon of mine, it'll help you cope with me choosing to answer something one day and then declining the same thing another time.

Narancia may just not fall for someone that isn't feminine. He's not a "oh the potential" guy, he's an "I'm seeing this and I like it and it's mine now" kind of guy. The only case where he might like someone that isn't feminine leaning is if he can sexualize them in some way, like how there's a whole trope of "tomboy but hot" in a lot of older movies.

Buuut, someone who is feminine but not playing into gender roles is different. As long as you look good, Narancia could fall for you, regardless of your behavior.

Narancia lives by his favorite artist's words of wisdom, the prettiest bitches are the most scandalous hoes. Pretty women are just like that. His type of woman can be as bratty as she wants to be, as long as she's hot. He thinks he's just doing something wrong and that's why you're acting extra crazy. Going to grumble to himself about how frustrating bitches are and keep trying, no matter what. As long as you're not pushing him away, anyway. Then he crashes out and kills you. Who said that?

Initially it honestly agitates him. He can't understand what the hell he's doing that's pissing his bitch off this bad. Women are too complicated, they say one thing and then really mean twenty other things. He may snap at his darling here and there, but he's stubborn. He's not going to just give up because you're frustrating, he's a man about his problems, he's not a quitter.

Women, they, uhh, you can break one if you're not careful. They're sensitive, you know? Maybe he broke you and didn't realize it, that's why you give him that dead fish stare when he wants a kiss goodnight. He'll try to make you feel better with physical affection. A hug, cuddling, rubbing your hands and praying you didn't just get the ick and want to leave him....

The whole not cooking thing is definitely one of two things. One, you can't cook and you're embarrassed about it. Two, you just don't know what he likes and you're too shy to ask! Or, you're too shy to ask for ingredients in general. That's three things. He can count. He has no problem going on a little shopping trip if you write down what you want, you know...

Narancia... his basis for how women act is his mother, and girl magazines. Women are either delicate, not really fully there, in need of a provider, or a playmate. He typically goes for someone in the second category, but if he caught you and you're broken, he was obviously wrong. Don't worry, though! Narancia would never abandon his darling because they're got some stuff going on. Difficult or not, he wants to love you, and surprisingly has the patience to not take it personally if you're despondent. Only if you're despondent, though. Aggressive types make him anxious and more aggressive- Narancia's first instinct isn't violence, it's verbal aggression. He'll only hit you if you hit him first.

You know, Narancia may be stupid, but he's not entirely moronic. He can tell if you're acting out for attention because he does it all the time. It may take him a little while, but eventually, it'll click. Maybe you've stirred the pot for no reason too many times this week. Maybe Pannacotta made some offhanded, bitter comment that changed his perspective. Who knows. He's a weird guy. Once Narancia convinces himself you're doing this all for attention, he just doubles down on his love. He'll cook, albeit terribly. He'll be home a lot more- as much as he can, comes straight home after his 'business' he had to 'deal with.' He'll make chores a two-man job. You want attention, your needs aren't being met, he understands that. He's been there. He's just like you. He was you, once. Isn't that the best feeling in the world, to understand someone entirely like that?

Honestly there's no other reason you'd behave like that. It clicks, you know? You've been doing all of this because something in your head is telling you that he doesn't love you, you're insecure- he knows how that works! He can fix that! Well. He can't fix it immediately, but he's willing to prove how serious he is about you. Then you'll act right. That totally makes a ton of sense!

If you're not acting right after a little while, he just thinks he still hasn't proven himself to you yet. It's a process. He can learn to be patient about it, no matter how much you denying him makes him want to rip your nails out. It'll happen. Women are just crazy sometimes. Aren't there meds for that?

[themeraldee]

hello i am here to ramble about homelander's fertility (not because the g20 trailer dropped and i started feeling feelings and thinking thoughts what nooo). i'm never quite sure what i think the show's view is. are we meant to think ryan really is a fluke? could it be that hl's dna is just so v soaked that it doesn't work with other supes, only non-supes (sort of like bringing fresh blood into a royal lineage)? i'm not sure how many people we're meant to think he's slept with in the past - maeve for sure, i'm personally not 100% convinced stillwell let him go all the way until the end of s1 but then again they did have 20+ years of history so maybe they did, and there's that deleted scene where maeve says they broke up because he was sleeping around but it doesn't feel super character accurate to me and it is deleted so. nebulous canon. i mean, even as i type this i'm thinking up an angsty scenario where a much younger less jaded lab-fresh hl is seduced by a fan at a convention (let's be honest, she'd probably just have to gush and giggle a bit and his love starved ass would think they're soulmates) and he accidentally kills her during sex. so there are possibilities. but anyway to get back to my point. 😂 i've also wondered if vought just straight up lied to him that he was infertile, but this would seem a very silly thing to do as then he'd be less careful and more likely to have a kid. unless they were always planning for a ryan scenario where he'd get someone pregnant and they'd whisk her and the baby off to train to one day kill him without him ever knowing. but this doesn't seem to be the implication from what is said in the show. so if they really thought he was infertile, considering all the insane unethical science those scientists are involved in, that'd suggest ryan really is a fluke? otherwise how'd they get that wrong? i guess all this rambling is just to say i find that scenario even though it's the likeliest kinda boring and i prefer headcanoning there are just strange requirements for him to actually have a kid. such as the other person not being a supe. he'd hate that so it's more fun. 😂 by this headcanon maeve's eggs would've been useless to him even if he did get his hands on them, and i think that would've given her some satisfaction. even if surely vought would've figured this out if it was the case, the irony just feels fitting.

(oh the G20 trailer also totally didn't fuck me up at all...)

This is a great topic to discuss, I also find the way the show handles it strange. And I think they dropped the ball on it.

If your insanely powerful and dangerous science experiment suddenly produces an offspring you should be like... a little more worried? Vogelbaum's "nature is tenacious" explanation is strange. You've put so much work into creating Homelander. Surely you'd care more about him actually being fertile? Vought cared a lot about keeping him on a tight leash, they would have thought about how him possibly being fertile and having his own kid would change his priorities (and potentially loyalties) and rewire his brain. After how much work they put into keeping him docile and cooperative it seems crazy to me that they'd just brush it off.

Obviously they could've been freaking out in the background, which is why they hid Becca and whatnot but it just seems like very poor planning on their part.

Because if they genuinely believed he was infertile well then they did a shit job testing his fertility. Unless they knew he was fertile. And did something to try to sterilize him. However that turned out to either be not long lasting or not working at all.

I'm sure Maeve was on birth control when they were together just in case even if he told her that he was shooting blanks. It's not like she's gonna trust him with that 😆

However I do wonder how many other people he slept with. (I also choose to ignore the cheating allegations bcs it doesn't fit the way I view him, tho thinking about it if it was totally canon I could imagine him doing it as a desperate way to get Maeve jealous just to feel like she cares about him. While she took it as the easy way out.)

But I'm curious how much sex ed did Vought give him in the lab. If any 😆 I'm not sure about the timeline re: Homelander's debut, his and Maeve's relationship. But I think the idea of him getting easily swayed by a fan is fun. Especially if they never actually have sex and he accidentally kills her before they could get to it. That could put him off sex with non-supes for a little while (so no need to worry about him getting people pregnant) and then his actual first time would be with Maeve who again would be on birth control.

Then the next person in line is Becca. And that's the first time he actually had a chance to impregnate someone? And it took.

So maybe Ryan is less a fluke and more just Homelander not having had as much sex as we thought he would. Because he's not really been to exposed to most of it right. And seeing as he was out there already worshipped as something different than a human, something better, I imagine he didn't immediately go like. Hmm now that I'm free, it's time to finally fuck.

Also, I do like your non-supe theory! (The only other supe we know he had sex with was Stormfront but she could've also been on birth control.) I also adore the idea that for him to have kids it has to be with a human. Though at first infuriating I'm sure he would justify it all sorts. Like he's so godlike, other gods can't match him. He has to grace the lowly humans his presence to gift him another mini-him.

I think my final headcanon is that in the beginning, Homelander was sex-averse. After one bad encounter with a fan he realises that for him to feel good he has to lose control, which ends up in him killing somebody. Back then I like to believe that he cared about it a little. Or at least, he was spooked. Like 'oh no, oh no, oh no, Vought's gonna find out, they're gonna put me back in the bad room, they're gonna take away my freedom' kinda thing. Obviously since then he's gotten better at controlling his powers. But with Maeve then being his actual first time, somebody who can handle him is what ignites this need again and he's then constantly chasing that high, that pleasure. With how much I imagine sex was a part of their relationship as opposed to cute dates and hanging out, it's the only way he learned to love. Though that's off topic! But this is what I'm going with.

[see-arcane]

Regarding your Nosferatu post, Eggers is known for being fairly homophobic in how he portrays gay relationships. The lighthouse represented homosexuality as this repressed, awful thing and I don't wanna see gayness be turned into evil vampires like some sort of evil desire. I don't see him doing it anyways bc he's quite rigid in his own beliefs (including stuff about race too)

On that front I'm afraid the deck is already a little stacked in the 'icky gay goings-on' department if Knock really is already long-distance hot for Orlok; but then, so is Ellen, and there's a Random Naked Nubile Girl on a Horse scene, and just a lot of general full-on horniness in many directions. I hesitate to clutch pearls over the presence of fucked up sexuality everywhere--especially in the context of something trying to be classically gothic, and double especially in a climate where So Much of media is increasingly wont to be self-censored or sanitized into blandness. I am very fine with Fucked Up and Perverse happenings on principle. My monsterfucker badge is worn proudly, as is my 'Let Gothic Horror Be Fucked Up' badge.

That said.

Yeah, the fact that the only non-straight hint I can think of in his track record is the almost-kiss dance scene in The Lighthouse (plus a side of Dafoe's character comparing Pattinson's eyes to a lady's) is not a fantastic sign for el gee bee tee elements. Yet even while the obvious 'lolll Thomas gets cucked because he doesn't satisfy Ellen she's 2 hot and goth 4 u loser' hints in the trailer and implications in the script leak indicate him just going straight to full Francis fanficification with Ellen and Orlok, I don't think it's explicitly a homophobic product. There may be some quote or info floating around somewhere that stamps Eggers as more staunchly anti-gay--and if so, please point me to it--but I think in this case it just adds up to 1) Elbowing Thomas out of the way for his OTP and 2) Horniness for everyone, not just the girls

That also being said.

The racist/xenophobic shit didn't need to be doubled down on in twenty-twenty-four, Bobby Egg. You almost did a smart move with the whole 'No, wait! They aren't working for Orlok! Look, see, they're local vampire hunters and taking care of other undead!' thing. Cool!

Why did you immediately have to throw in the g slur and declare them all stinky-dirty-mega masculine while Thomas quails over how much more manly they are than him and also they steal his horses because we simply HAVE to keep the ye olde 'land of thieves' line ~accurate~?

There's being 'period accurate' and then there's. That shit.

[mercurygray]

Literally don't know if it's my lack of self confidence or anxiety that's giving me intrusive thoughts. I've always wanted to write for BoB but never did. It wasn't ever an issue or anything I just kind of enjoyed the fandom from afar. Since seeing Masters of the Air trailer I've been inspired but underwhelmed by self doubt. I want to make OCs and participate in this fandom when the show airs but feel I will be mocked or critiqued if I don't research the history of the period or get something wrong. I'm not academic. I'm just about the blorbos. But the BoB fandom strikes me as hugely intellectual and the fic is always immaculate and we'll researched even stuff that is made up is feasible because of the research. I feel masters of the air is gonna follow the same pattern and I feel intimidated. I'm stopping before I'm starting. I don't want to enjoy the fandom from afar but I don't want to put the legwork in to make a fic historically accurate. But I don't want people jumping on me for being so ignorant. I don't even know what or where I can get face claims from that era to use. I guess this is a cry for help

Kind Anonymous Friend, you come sit over here by me and let's talk.

First, let's start with one thing - there's no right or wrong way to be in a fandom. Fandoms need readers and observers just as much as they need writers, and just by you being here, and being willing to listen and talk, you are valuable, and you are part of the community. Please do not underestimate that.

Second, that's great that you're feeling inspired! That should be celebrated and held close! Even if you do nothing with that idea, if nothing comes from it, that's still valuable too.

I was like you once; I watched Band of Brothers and I didn't come back to write anything for it for nine years, because just like you I was really intimidated.

Every writer likes something different, and does this work for different reasons. The research part is fun for me, so I do a lot of it. (It's me! I am part of the problem!) I know of plenty of authors who care much more about the emotional feel of the thing and couldn't care less about historical facts. You have to figure out what makes sense for you - and it sounds like you already have. Knowing yourself, and your reason for being here, is a great thing. Hold on to that. That's important.

On the flip side of this, every reader likes something different. I'm sure there are some people who think my approach is total bunk - and that's okay!! And I know that there are people who really don't care for the original character approach; thankfully some of those people are still on speaking terms with me even if they don't necessarily like what I do. Not everyone is going to read everything - what matters is that your people find your fic.

I think if you're open about what your process is, or why you're here, people will be more likely to appreciate what you have to offer, or know that while you're a nice person, they're unlikely to enjoy your story and give others the space to appreciate it in peace. I know that's certainly been the case with me.

I think if anxiety about sharing or being mocked is a big deal for you - and it sounds like it is - maybe sharing some of your ideas in, say, a smaller group of friends could be a good idea. And nothing says you have to be public with your ideas at all. Maybe they're just for you. That's okay, too.

And to your last point regarding face claims - there is no right or wrong way to make an OC. I personally think faceclaims are overrated. Most of my characters don't have them.

I hope this helps. I'm giving you a reassuring back-rub and wishing you good luck -and if you need to DM someone, you know where to find me. I believe in you.

[brother-one]

[Twitter repost]

Just because something was the last straw for me today...

On Kainé's intersexuality:

A (long) post, from an intersex person to you 💛💜💛

First of all! Why am I making this post?

I hope it doesn't seem out of nowhere, but let's start bit by bit.

I am making it not because I'm mad at anyone, but because I genuinely want you all to learn about who Kaine as a person, how she can be interpreted, and most details that can be taken and associated to her intersexuality, from an intersex perspective. There's A LOT of things I want to address in this thread, not necessarily all of them negative, but I do think the NieR fandom as a whole needs to get educated on intersexuality.

I can't speak over every single intersex person, but I can give my insight on this.

Now, the first thing I want to address:

1- Kainé, intersexuality AND transness.

Why is this first? Well, because there's a really big issue hiding in plain sight here: Intersexism, and therefore intersex erasure.

First on this, a detail that a lot of you know about, and yet it's not even close to EVERYONE knowing it: The use of the word "hermaphrodite" for an intersex person. Even if it's widely accepted by people as a whole, it is a slur against intersex people and even if some DO reclaim it, its casual use is not correct whenever you employ it to refer to an intersex individual, be it fictional or not. Not only is it considered insensitive, but it's also heavily inaccurate whenever used to describe an intersex individual, even if it may be in fact accurate for, in this case, Kainé.

It is a word a lot of us are uncomfortable with, and seeing a character who is one of the very rare cases of representation being associated with it doesn't really make it better. Especially since being intersex isn't just about the genital differences, but hormonal differences and such. Anything that doesn't conform to the SEX binary is considered intersex, usually also known as hyperandrogenism. I've seen people frequently agreeing that even PCOS can be considered an intersex condition, so there's also that.

Next, is the reduction of Kainé to either a transgender woman, or a transfem individual.

While these headcanons are completely okay and I personally have never minded them, there is an issue hiding here too.

It seems that people either don't care enough about intersex issues to do proper research, or they're blissfully ignorant about general facts on intersexuality.

Some of these facts are:

- Intersexuality isn't a "third sex" or an in between.

- Intersexuality does not NECESSARILY have to do anything with one's gender identity.

- It is completely, and I repeat, COMPLETELY okay to just call someone "intersex".

- Not every intersex person is transgender. Cisgender intersex people exist.

- Even if trans people and intersex people may relate to the other in certain aspects, they're nowhere close to being the same, or to share the exact same experiences.

- Every intersex person experiences gender and life differently.

- There are many, and I say, MANY different intersex conditions.

- Intersexuality is way more frequent than you may think.

And many other facts, really, but they would pretty much need another entire, separate thread to be listed.

Now, where's the issue I want to approach here?

Explained simply to non-intersex people:

Turning a headcanon like trans Kainé into something so widespread not only gives a totally different idea of what her character is from the start, but also gives a place for intersexism to rise. It is a way to force us intersex people into conforming within a system, a binary that EXCLUDES US and always has from the start. Because yes, the current ideas of identity are wrongly still binary.

I thought Kainé was trans from the start. I thought it was extremely cool to have such representation, being also a fellow trans person myself. Then I discovered she's intersex.

Then, everything felt unfair.

To have such an idea of something, then discovering the reality is very different to that idea didn’t feel right. Not because transness is bad because, again, I am trans myself, but because that just feels like everyone is forcing her into transness, when it doesn't have to be like that.

Intersexuality and transness can coexist without problem, the problem only manifests itself when you do not give those two the opportunity to even try and coexist. It is already hard by itself to embrace your body as an intersex person, and personally topping that with transness only makes it more of a struggle. And yet, in the end, everyone's experiences, feelings and identity will always be different to one another. Intersex people can decide to stay as the gender they were assigned (keyword here being assigned) at birth, they can decide to transition (or maybe they could've transitioned way before discovering the fact they're intersex), and they can also decide to just be intergender.

Our experiences and relationship with our body, and the way we perceive ourselves may be similar to the one of, say, a perisex transgender individual, but there will always be a gap between both.

To finish up with the first point, the general objective with this:

I want you all to understand that, while trans people need representation, it's not okay to erase intersexuality or to try and make us fit into your concept of identity. Intersex people are already stigmatized enough, and the last thing we need is erasure. Our voices as a whole are already heavily ignored, so the least we can ask from you is to not erase us. You can keep your headcanons (I encourage so!), but PLEASE don't forget about Kainé's intersexuality. Intersex representation is extremely important and needed, even if the character’s intersexuality may not be handled in the best way sometimes.

In summary:

That is pretty much it for the first point. Now, on to the second:

2- Kainé and body dysphoria.

Here comes a very important part, too.

Some parts of her character and dialogue can be interpreted as dysphoria, and also as a way of showing rejection towards another aspect of her body, since it’s possessed by a shade.

A very important dialogue in the first fight against Hook that I originally interpreted as body dysphoria is:

“She gave me the strength to deal with this goddamn mutant body! Do you know how long I’ve been like this? How much I loathe myself?”

This dialogue has been in my mind ever since I first played. And I still strongly believe it can be interpreted as dysphoria, I just acquired a different perspective on it after finishing NIER and doing a dive into what she is, as a character. While I don’t believe I have the deepest understanding of her, I think I have the main aspects of her character clear.

No one in the world could understand her.

Yet another thing on her I believe is important, is this:

“A heart and body in constant conflict.

Now, and even if she may or may not have dysphoria, here’s something that I think should be spoken of way more often - the fact that dysphoria doesn’t make you transgender. Even if it may be considered necessary in order to get certain medical treatments in the case of trans people, having dysphoria doesn’t make you trans, and not having dysphoria doesn’t make you not trans, either.

And loneliness was eating her alive.”

Because while it may not be part of, say, a main storyline game, if we talk about NieR (it comes from SINoALICE!), it does give us a really interesting sight into her. Even if it may probably refer to her struggle as being possessed, it sounds very familiar to the experience I know as dysphoria.

Kainé’s hatred for her body exists in a way where many reasons for it overlap. I think it could be narrowed down and represented like this:

I think it’s very important to note that Kainé, as a gestalt, wasn’t intersex. Somewhere in the process there was an error that made Kainé, as a replicant, intersex. Which doesn’t sound very good, if you think about it, but it gives you room to think about Kainé a bit differently.

Which takes us to my third (and probably last) point:

3- Kainé and identity.

Carrying on from a detail in the last point, we can see a clear, yet maybe not intentional mistake in her writing. The error of her becoming intersex.

While it can be read as intersexism, it is also rather understandable - mistakes and errors happen, especially if we talk about literally separating soul from body, and considering the fact that there were more defects in the transformation process too. Another very important fact that comes into picture is the different ‘generations’ of replicants, and the way that there have been multiple Kainés over time. So probably, since the system was already long-running by that point, that could be the reason for it.

Still, if we’re taking it the intersexism way - we have to understand that it is not and it will NEVER be caused by some kind of “error” or mistake, even if people have chosen to see it that way for a long time now. It is not an inconvenience nor is it something not meant to happen. It IS meant to happen, and there is much evidence that sex is variant - could go from slight differences, to more “noticeable” ones. Not just in humans, but in animals too.

People want to change something that just happens, that always has. In here, I beg you to take into account the fact that intersex CHILDREN are forced to go through surgeries to make them fit into the sex binary. Children are bullied, hated and seen as freaks just because they were born different. 

Sounds terrible, yes ? Well, thanks to this, many intersex people often feel more comfortable identifying as their own gender - intergender. Others stay cis, and others feel more identified with the term transgender.

Kainé is a hard to figure out case, since she had been and identified as a woman from the start, as much as she had been dehumanized or degraded by others. Because they didn’t even call her a man, for they didn’t think she was deserving of that. She wasn’t deserving of a gender - she was a freak, and that was all of it. Though it is a struggle that a lot of trans people go through too, for intersex people it often comes from society as a whole.

The rejection intersex people go through is there from birth, and the eagerness from others (who don’t even have the right) to change it is too. And as much as it follows us through life, as similar as it may be to trans struggles, it is not and it will never be the same.

For that, trans and intersex people have to stand together, but sometimes that feels like too much to ask of the community.

Because intersex people, much like ace or aro people, are often ignored in queer spaces (or not considered at all, for that matter). It is harsh.

But then there are the intersex trans people, who use both terms. The cis intersex people, the intergender people, the intersex people who chose not to bother with gender…

So that is, too, one reason why lots of intersex individuals choose to not call themselves trans, as much as they may identify with the term. Or the complete opposite, choosing to present themselves as transgender, as to not have to bear with the load that is being intersex sometimes.

After some time of knowing her, I think canon Kainé fits into the cis intersex category by a lot - considering she has always identified and KNOWN she is a woman. But of course, that is canon.

You are free not to, I can’t stop you. But I think that, if you’re perisex and trans, it shows the way you are with the people who have stood with you since always. To not recognize our existence is to not recognize a part of what brought all of us trans people to where we are.

My headcanon? Trans, intersex woman. Not hard or complicated, is it ?

And that is the way it should be, if you want to listen to intersex people. To listen to our voices.

So, please, if you care about us - don’t take away from intersex people what we have struggled so much to even get.

To close this thread, I just have to say: Thank you for reading, I hope you could at least learn something or get a bit of perspective on to what being an intersex person is like, and a bit of interpretation about Kainé from one.

If you want to go ahead and follow what I’ve said on it, you have a forever thanks from me. Happy pride month guys <3

[neonmetro]

My occasional Novaturi lovemail chat

I've been thinking a lot about Novaturi over the break so far. /POS

They are rotting my brain oh no !!!! The sillies ever. I think out of any magical girl based world I've ever read about or anything like that, I think I like this one a whole lot. . . It's weird to describe but the way you describe how their powers work and stuff just scratches my brain. I looked back at the horsemen and their powers and if it is possible I adore in detail descriptions or even examples so if you are so inclined I would love more elaboration on those :))

Project Martyr has been crowding my mind and I don't think it will ever really go away. . .Project Martyr's story is just a work of art and pulls on my heart strings and leaves me sick in the best way. I could never have enough of them I love them all so much. . . I could go on and on about Project Martyr to be honest. I know you might not have anymore information about Project Martyr BUT I can't help but ask just in case (Free peneume guys I love them WHAT)

Gosh I think this has already been touched on by Paris anon, but your characters really are relatable, and I think that's what causes me to feel so emotional when it comes to Novaturient and it's characters. The more I get to know about some of these characters it really is like "damn. . .they are more relatable than I thought they would be" and I think that's kind of uncommon to see in a lot of media. Like some of the characters in media are relatable, but only to a certain extent if that makes sense. I feel like Novaturient represents so many different kinds of people and personalities accurately and in a complex way that really makes them interesting, which only makes them more relatable because as people, I don't think we are cut out as plain black or white. Some of these characters really do make me want to cry tears or just hug them to be honest. I like how Novaturient can have that feeling where obviously it's fiction, but it can represent some very real world things.

This was honestly just an excuse to fangirl again. I had questions earlier but hell it's 10:30 at night and I am worn the fuck out !!! So I kind of forgot everything I was going to ask earlier. But what's a better way to settle down (not) than get some information or just appreciate this work of art. Gosh sorry if this sound weird at all 😭

I hope you have been having a productive winter break and if you have been cooking anything as of late *wink wink nudge nudge* rather that's art or otherwise, I would love to see !!! /nf

Sorry I don't really have any questions this time. . . I think it was dire to dedicate this ask mostly to Novaturi appreciation. . .

Make sure to take care of yourself over break, and relax (゜∇^d)!!

-Ulysses loving anon

EVERYBODY WAKE UP NEW ULYANON ASK !!!!!

RAHGGHGHGH thank you so much ulyanon... it means so much (I KNOW I SAY THIS ALL THE TIME BUT I TRULY DO FEEL THIS WAY!!) I STILL FIND IT SO CRAZY THAT THIS WORLD IS CAPABLE OF BRAINROTTING OTHER PEOPLE TOO (OOOO MY INFECTIOUS DISEASE: NOVATURIENT) (THIS IS SO POSITIVE BTW !!!!) i love opening my inbox and seeing your asks 😭😭😭 i greatly appreciate it...

i want to make a unique magical girl setting that literally caters to everything i love and i'm just glad that there can always be a piece of art that is for everyone

i love ramming as many references as possible in my characters. you have no idea how many layers the symbolism and references to their backstories there are. most of this is an analysis on how it ties into why i chose the name for each power

war's check and checkmate is just the finishing move to kill the king, pretty standard chess move

catalan opening: is a opening move where "white plays d4 and c4 and fianchettoes the white bishop on g2. " (their color scheme is mainly white, so they're able to move first)

bright side promotion: whenever a piece crosses the other end of the board, they're able to gain the range of a higher piece (so therefore when activated, it can change one of the gun attachment to a different kind)

queenside: the placement of the queen (a or d)

king and queen's gambit: self explanatory. cheesy chess move, buffs either the king or queen piece

en passant capture: a move where a pawn takes out another pawn. war's tactics are mostly guerilla warfare, and they're tasked to kill deco/eve

for conquest's power, no man's land is a term in war where its neither side's territory so it's free to conquer.

got your six is a military saying like 9 o clock for directions, basically saying I've got your back. it's a kind of literal interpretation, that he can take other people's body parts behind their backs

on the frontlines is pretty self explanatory, on the front lines of a war

bite the bullet is reference to famine (since sometimes conquest isn't there it's pestilence) and also how conquest'll revive after their HP drops to 1. people will also bite a bullet to prevent making too many sounds while getting nursed back to health if shot

law giver is what famine (biblical horseman) was called with their scales. famine has 3 modes they can be in, moth, butterfly, locust.

fasting: emperor moths don't actually eat when they're full-fledged adults, they only rely on the food they ate as caterpillars so fasting is with the moth phase. it reflects on famine's own reluctance to take care of themselves when it truly matters

butterflies are Barmecide feast because Barmecide means like illustrious and pretty, they'll be able to eat a lovely feast (plus butterflies are considered the prettiest insect). famine often overeats and snacks on things and fluctuates between eating alright to eating incredibly unhealthily.

pestilence is an wide spread epidemic and is famine can be replaced by pestilence depending on the version. locusts and famine go hand in hand as locuts are KNOWN to do absolutely destroy fields of crops. only natural that the locust themed power is the most dangerous and Almost an instakill.

they also have three sub powers because they are the strongest in theory of the horsemen (endless cycle of sucking energy from famine feeds into soul power etc etc)

all of the names of death's power roster comes from the german philosphy "gott ist tott" or "god is dead"

ashes to ashes reflects on humanity's usage of fire to burn things that matter most to them, therefore it can also self harm

dust to dust takes "into account all phases of the item's existence from construction to eventual disposal."

earth to earth, in nature, without society, nothing would matter, so manmade things such as weapons wouldn't have existed

und wir haben ihn getötet is a further continuation of "gott ist tott", meaning "and we killed him". this part is in german because... eto... it sounded cool... and also reflects death's hidden motivations for her actions.

damnatio memoriae is the only power name that isn't tied to "gott ist tot", instead it comes from the concept of killing everything that made a person, essentially purging all memory of them from history and this earth (i believe i learned this from wendigoon's divine comedy recap? so it ties back into catholicism/the bible)

the rest of the answering of the ask will be under the cut... I DIDN'T EXPECT THE HORSEMEN RAMBLE TO BE SO LONG?!??!!? 😭😭😭

(this is the only image of the horsemen i have at this moment. war and death making out._

THANK YOU SO MUCH... CRIES.... genuinely machina mortem is one of the oldest novaturi stories so i'm glad it finally is doing what it's intended to do... (LET'S FUCKING GO I CAN WRITE!!!!)

in mm news, i have been cooking . kind of (its been all over the place since i jump around in scenes a lot (i get so bored easily) so its hard for me to keep track of when i wrote things) I'VE BEEN SO INSPIRED!! I'VE NEVER HAD SO MANY BANGER IDEAS

this is how machina mortem's document is looking at the moment... (only one chapter i'm okay with saying is fully finished and it's like. the 3rd to last chapter LMAOOO)

I WILL SAY AT LEAST PENEUME SHOWS UP IN A FLASHBACK 😭😭😭 I'M SORRY GUYS I HAD TO SACK THEM IN ORDER TO KEEP THE STORY AS STRONG AS IT CAN BE

I'M REALLY HAPPY ALL MY CHARACTERS ARE ABLE TO BE SO UNIQUE YET RELATABLE... i've definitely grown in my art and writing and frankly it feels awesome. i'm so happy to be where i am in my story, making things for me and allowing myself to flourish in storytelling...

it's very important for me to show the complexities of being human. i don't want to be scared to depict some very toxic behaviors but still accepting that they're human but it SHOULDN'T be condoned. people are flawed and make mistakes, it doesn't make it okay, but there needs to be more consideration for complexity in the world...

it helps a lot that even though these people would be fucking be in jail for thousands of lifetimes for their war crimes that you can still see where their behaviors stem from and their motivations.... i'm glad that they can still be sympathetic and people can see themselves in them despite it all...

i'm honestly pretty scared that my characters overlap too much? (happens when you start off by using archetypes and then branching out...) like eve and moloch... they were too similar and i was afraid i was writing the same personality... but honestly i'm glad that they can still be seen as diff people...

grahh thank you for taking the time to write me this ask ulyanon... wahh it means so much hehe :) YOU BETTER TAKE CARE TOO!!!! STAY HYDRATED AND WELL RESTED!!!

i've been mostly taking it easy... though the mental illness is kinda hard to feel like i'm doing anything productive... cries

in the meantime, here's some goofy ahhh doodles i did last night

[set-wingedwarrior]

This Pride let me share one happy story

It's nothing big, just a little something that happened a couple of weeks ago.

So, my room in the place I share with a couple of other students is pretty big and I love it. Only problem, a too tiny shelf for books, which is why I asked my landlord if I could attach some more on the walls.

He told me that there was no problem, that he actually had like 5 shelves ready to get attached and to just call him whenever to get them up (I know the general opinion on landlords on usa standards, here in Italy we do have our problems but are smaller, it's a different situation and my current landlord is actually a super nice, helpful and caring person).

When I finally got some free time from studying, I asked him to come over to get the job done, and we did, he got me everything I needed and I helped him get two shelves up. He also told me that if I wanted more to just ask.

Now, I have my ace pride flag hanging over one wall (one of the shelves I asked to put right above it actually), and a tinier rainbow flag on my desk hanging from the desk lamp.

I was a little nervous at first about them because I didn't explicitdly know his position on lgbt+ stuff, I talked about it with my roomate (who's been here for like 8 years now, and is very close to him), who is also queer, and she was pretty sure he was fine and that it was kinda impossible he didn't notice she was queer, even if she never explicitdly say so. Just in case, I made sure he came over when she was home as well.

While we worked on the walls he didn't mention them. He just moved the ace flag because using the drill might have gotten it dirty, but that aside he really ignored them and focused on the work. Only after we were done, he said something.

"...what is this one for? I didn't know this one" he said, nodding at the ace one.

I laughed, a little nervous saying that ti wasn't super well known (I mean, as much as we talk more about asexuality, it isn't as "mainstream" as others). Then I tell him honestly "this is the asexual one, for asexuality".

He then looks at the flag, then looks at the rainbow one on my desk, points at it and says "Ohhhh, so they're relatives!!"

I laughed telling him that yes, asexuality is another category. After that we talked a much more stuff about the apartment with my roomate as well, then he said goodbye and went home.

I wanted to share because the way he expressed it, "they're relatives", like being in the same family, is both an accurate and very cute way to say it.

And most importantly, it was no "coming out", or "weird discovery", it was just a genuine simple question, learning something new, and that was it. Full acceptance, zero problems. It was very nice and the kind of world I aspire to and hope that we will achieve someday. One where this isn't a special story from me to share, but the norm for everyone.

I know I'm lucky, and I'm happy I'm able to share this little thing. I hope you all will get things like this too. I'm still taking it as a good sign, as a show of progress.

Happy Pride :)

[margridarnauds]

Do you have a favorite musical composer or director? If so, why are they your favorite!

Tough question, but I do maintain that I do, genuinely, like Frank Wildhorn's work.

Okay -- Pretty much all the critical reviews of his stuff are 100% accurate. The man often sacrifices plot and characterization to spectacle and pop ballads, but...there's something to be said for SPECTACLE, isn't there? We're living in an age where Broadway is increasingly....un-ambitious. Which you could argue has been the case for ages now, but it's not getting *better*. I grow weary of the endless putting down of jukebox musicals; I think they're a valid art form and a valid approach to musicals, but the truth is that we DO currently have no fewer than three currently on Broadway at the moment. The age of the overblown gothic spectacle has been swept away by this sleek, modern musical that is increasingly embarrassed of the fact that it's a musical to begin with.

And...Frank Wildhorn is many things, but chief among them is EARNEST. He genuinely BELIEVES in his musicals and in romance and in love ballads and sword fights and adventure, and it shows. Yes, the time I spent with Wonderland was 2 hours of my life that I'll never get back, but STILL. He *cared* about it. He LOVES spectacle, he loves over the top stagings that draw you into the world of the musical, he loves period settings and that scratches a specific place in my id.

He also, genuinely, LOVES villain songs, and it shows. His most iconic songs are, overwhelmingly, the villain songs -- "Life after Life" from Dracula, "The Reign of Terror" from Robespierre, "I Will Prevail" from Wonderland, "Falcon in the Dive" from Scarlet Pimpernel, "Monster Inside of Me" from The Man Who Laughs, "A Story Told" from The Count of Monte Cristo, either "Hurricane" or "The Game Begins" from Death Note (depending on if you view a "villain song" as belonging to a villain or an antagonist), "You belong to me" from Carmen (though imo, Zuniga is Wildhorn's most vile and terrifying villain, yes, even in competition with Hyde), "You and I" from Svengali...the man GETS villain songs and how they work, and it means that his villains, imo, are often more charismatic and interesting than his leads (who are often, again, imo, bland self-inserts who hurt the women around them, who take it with a loving smile because they are the Madonna in the Madonna-Whore dichotomy...which could be interesting if it was explored more but is often taken for granted.)

This is especially true with his female villains which...I know we've discussed this before, but it's so GREAT to see female villains get VILLAIN SONGS. There truly aren't that many female villains in musical theatre, fewer who actually...are allowed...to be villains. It feels sometimes like, even though we've improved so MUCH even since I first started being a musical fan, about....14 years ago...there's still an expectation that women's songs in theatre should be Girl Power songs, or sad, or soft, and...that's great, but sometimes, *I* want to be the badass, powerful one. Also pretty lady step on me. Morgana from XCalibur (even though she suffers from some tragic writing in both versions of it) and Hatter from Wonderland, even though they're not EXEMPT from sexist writing decisions, ARE badass, when they're allowed to be. Likewise, Lucy from Jekyll and Hyde (again, who isn't exempt from sexist decisions) gets some of the most iconic songs from the musical. Mina from Dracula, ditto-- "Please Don't Make Me Love You". Carmen and Mata Hari (and, again, ditto for not being exempt from sexism) both have their OWN shows, and, imo, are presented in a way that tries to understand them and gives them some really strong songs that get to the heart of why they are the way they are. I'm forever in MOURNING for "If you Only Knew" from Jekyll and Hyde, since it REALLY got to the heart of Emma/Lisa's character in an interesting way (likewise for "Lisa Carew" from the concept album). "Viva" from Carmen is a great example of a woman just...enjoying life and enjoying living life, while "I Can't Go Back" from Mata Hari is a great exploration of Mata's fears, her anxiety over being dragged back into a life she's terrified of leaving behind.

The man is a middle aged straight white male composer -- fine, but also...how many composers are perfect? It's a matter of choosing what flaws you're willing to live with and which ones you aren't. Plenty of people are fine with, for example, Kunze and Levay's, and I feel like they do less but claim more re: their depictions of women. I feel like Frankhorn...does *try*, especially since marrying Wao Yoka, and I think that he does love her. I think that she's really helped him expand his repertoire and his range as far as his subject matter, and I think that his move to Japan (specifically, Takarazuka) and Korea as far as his focus is probably for the best, as it allows him to do what he wants with an audience who will actually appreciate him.

[wildlyplanted]

Snap back

Make a cup of tea or coffee because this is a long one :)

The other day, I was watching the YouTube channel of a couple I follow. They just welcomed a baby, and the latest vlog was the woman showing her 3 weeks postpartum body, which looked unbelievably great, and for some reason, I felt a little uncomfortable while watching.

I asked myself, "why?" as I thought back to all the similar vlogs I’ve viewed. I think the postpartum vlogs that make me uncomfortable are the ones where the woman seems to be having a quick “snap back.”

“But why?” I asked myself, again. Then it dawned on me. Most of the women I know didn't recover as quickly as some of the women I see in vlogs and on social media. I think this notion and perpetuation of "snapping back" is detrimental to women, especially while they’re in such a vulnerable state, having just given birth.

In this particular vlog, the woman mentioned (multiple times) how she still needs to lose weight, criticized and pointed out areas of her body, including her stomach, even though her body was recovering, remarkably. This blew my mind because I was thinking "Oh my goodness, you grew a baby in your uterus, of course it’s still swollen! You just brought life into the world! Stop!!”

In my sensitive opinion, I think the conversation around postpartum should not be focused on a mother’s body and how fast she is, “snapping back” and I don’t think women should offer up their postpartum bodies for debate. These “snap back” vlogs and social media posts can cause women to be subjected to unfair comparisons by their partner, causing feelings of inadequacy and stress. Comparison shouldn’t happen, but I can guarantee it does.

Instead, the focus should be on mothers receiving an abundance of support from their partners and the trusted people around them in caring for a new baby, eating well, getting ample rest, feeling ease and calm, feeling confident in expressing the status of their mental and emotional health, and overall feeling extra taken care of.

I understand that for some women, the healing process happens nicely, and they feel good enough to exercise as soon as they're cleared by the doctor, and they're in a good space. I also understand that many women who give birth for the first time have been shocked to find out that 6 weeks is not entirely accurate for how long it can take a woman to heal because the dominant narrative is the quick “snap back.”

I'm so thankful and appreciative that more mothers are sharing their childbirth and postpartum journey and showing how different it can look from what we see on social media. Showing that it can be a long way down the road before you feel comfortable in your body again, or before that favorite outfit fits the way it used to.

Additionally, I’m grateful to all the women who are bringing to the forefront, important conversations about healing after having a baby. As someone who has yet to give birth, I want to know as much as I can about the process, keeping in mind that each woman’s experience is unique to her. Something that I’m surprised to only have recently found out is that before a woman even thinks about any sort of working out, she should first take care to strengthen her core and pelvic floor, and only after that, begin working out again.

Hearing and seeing different narratives are so important, because for example, I had no idea that Pelvic Floor Specialists existed until a couple of years ago. I also had no clue that so many women experience Diastasis Recti and when that is the case, they should absolutely not do any typical ab workouts because it will make it worse and most definitely cause setbacks and issues. Working with a Pelvic Floor Specialist is the appropriate procedure.

I’m quite stunned that the medical community does not do women justice regarding postpartum. Why aren’t all mothers given a proper exam to determine if she has Diastasis Recti? Why aren’t all mothers referred to a Pelvic Floor Specialist as a place to start after they’ve been cleared for movement? I’m not sure if insurance would even cover the cost of the specialist.

If men were the ones to give birth, the postpartum period would be 6 months, not weeks and every sort of specialist would be offered up to them, along with insurance covering it all!

Not only is 6 weeks an inefficient and unreasonable amount of time, in my opinion, for a woman to heal– it’s definitely not enough time for a mother to even begin thinking about losing weight or “snapping back.” I would imagine, she just wants to be able to sit and stand without being in pain.

The last point I would like to make, is that I don’t think men truly know how painful and traumatic childbirth and postpartum healing is. Even though more women are sharing about the realities of childbirth and the aftermath, I think so many more don’t share because their journey doesn’t look like what we see on YouTube and social media.

Not enough women are talking about how terrible it feels (I can only imagine) to have swollen and painful private parts, a swollen uterus, hurting when peeing, bleeding a river up to 6 weeks, in some cases, pain during breastfeeding and experiencing issues like Diastasis Recti. Now add on top of that, being expected to perfectly care for your baby, knowing exactly what to do at all times, enduring sleepless nights with little help in some cases, leaking milk and standing in a body that you don't feel comfortable in and can hardly recognize. Then add even more on top of that, being the main person your baby clings to for survival and support and fighting unhealthy thoughts about how your body looks like or what it will look like weeks and months down the line. Imagine how mentally and emotionally taxing it is to love your child and at the same time not like what carrying and birthing your child has done to your body. It’s A LOT!

Welcoming a baby into the world will always be a heavier burden on the mother and just straight-up unfair to her in so many ways. The “snap back” narrative just adds more unreasonableness and should be done away with!

*Shout out to the loving partners who play an equal part in caring for the baby and who help alleviate some of the mental and emotional stress that women experience during postpartum.

Where you can find me/how to contact me:

IG: wildlyplanted

YouTube: Wildly Planted (this is a work in progress, but I’m finding direction)

Email: wildlyplanted@zoho.com

[lunarsilkscreen]

A theory on ovulation inspired by Rebecca in the Bible

So there's this frog that ovulates when pregnant women pee on it, and this is half of the premise. The other half is the verse that Handsmaid tale is based on...

Now there are many places in the Bible that showcase older women having children. Barren women having children. And God basically preventing women from having children *until* the very last second.

The question here is *how?*

Some scholars suggest that it's because women were married to older men as children. Because of course; women were object of which to birth nations. And not *really people* despite the beginning of Genesis suggesting otherwise.

Rebecca did not marry Jacob for 14 years. So even if she were 14 before that point; she was not married until she was 28. Even then the Bible describes her as "shapely" which, most 14 year olds are not!

And even then; her elder sister Leah had several children while Rebecca remained barren.

So much so that she had committed her handmaiden Billah to have children in her stead.

Several more children were born to Leah and Billah before God allowed Rebecca to even become pregnant with Joseph.

What I'm saying is; Rebecca was likely menopausal age before she conceived her first son, and then she had a second.

You might be saying that "Well these stories are fiction" or "They're allegorical".

But what if they're not. And I'm not saying the story is entirely literal, but what if it's even remotely based on actual happenstance if not completely true?

Another story features Abraham and Serah who had their first child *in their 90s* holy f*.

And while she might be up for debate here, the Bible says the oldest humans lived for 200 years sometimes. Years could have gotten longer or shorter, or lifespans shorter because humans aren't very good at taking care of themselves to live long lives.

So the question we're left with is the how and the why of the matter.

As we know; At about 40 a woman typically goes through manopause. This is the biological process where a woman stops producing estrogen and goes through male puberty due to increased testosterone production.

That's only partially a joke. But mostly scientifically accurate.

They don't "run out of eggs" as some dumsdums suggest; they just stop ovulating. This is exactly what happens to trans men when they go through hormone replacement therapy. They don't become infertile... Their eggs just go into stasis. And then they can donate them to women who actually want them.

So what does this have to do with Frogs?

Well; pregnant women pee has a lot of hormones related to pregnancy in it. So the reason those frogs ovulate is *because* of the jacked up amount of hormones.

To say this with different more unsavory and discriminatory phrasing; Trans Women used to use pregnant mare pee as a source of estrogen in order to transition.

So let's put all that together; There's a possibility in scientific advancement that we have not studied yet because we assume it's "impossible" or at the very least "improbable" that a cis woman can get pregnant after menopause with hormone therapy and just... Regular sexual activity instead of invitro-fertilization.

Not only that; because hormonal imbalances can cause a woman not to ovulate; high estrogen being a form of contraception, and testosterone in the case of trans men; there's a possibility of even keeping a woman's eggs dormant *inside her gametes* through hormone therapy.

Where does this part come from? Well; if Rebekah had high estrogen all her life, and didn't see a reduction in estrogen *until* menopause; then that would be when her natural ovulation cycle actually started.

In what we consider to be old age.

So uhm. Anyway; I'm not a doctor, or a woman's health specialist. I'm just a random scholar who reads stuff and puzzles things together in her free time.

But like; It'd make a really good PhD thesis if true, right?

[jasper-pagan-witch]

Hi friend! Hope your end of the year is going well, and that you're drinking enough water.

You said that your asks were open and empty, and yooo, do I have a few questions my ADHD brain forgot about. 😂

One, I remember seeing a couple posts from you about deities and entities, and I was curious about your general experience with how you connected with them. Don't want to pry, but curious about the process you went through. (It's my next subject of study after I finish a tarot project)

Two, what things (witchcraft related or not) do you like to do at the end of the year?

Three, what is your least favorite misconception about the witchcraft community, and why?

And four, favorite source (like a blog, yt channel, book) for spell, tips, etc?

This reads like more of a "get to know you" vs anything specific, doesn't it? 😅😂

Ooo, I'm gonna have a lot to stay here, so I'm gonna break out my fun post dividers that I make over on @jasper-graphics to help split things up!

How I connect with deities is interesting compared to all of the 101 posts I see about deity work. I build an altar, verbally introduce myself once, and then proceed as though they're definitely already there. I'll use divination such as tarot to interact with deities and interpret messages, because I fucking love tarot.

Other than that? As long as I feel like I'm getting a go-ahead, I'll just go ahead. If I don't, I'll thank them for their time and put things away - sometimes some of the stuff will go to other deities, but otherwise everything gets put in a box together in case I need to talk to or work with that deity in particular again.

I just fucking rest at the end of the year. I don't care about "preparing for the new year" or "saying good-bye to the old year" in any way. I just have to remind myself to use the right year for a good couple of months while I get used to the forward march of time.

Boring? Yes. Do I care? No.

I don't like any of the general ideas of the witchcraft community, even back when I was a witch. I don't care for people calling us all Wiccans, or all dark, or all "black magic users" (which is SUPER RACIST btw), or all soft and sweet, or that we all follow the Wheel of the Year...I just don't like stereotypes, even if they're "accurate" to myself or others.

That's why I'm a wizard, not a witch. I gave up on the whole thing because I was tired of having to scream not all witches at Generic Wicca Is Witchcraft Is Wicca Book #347.

I have many favorite sources for ideas. I tend to hoard posts on @jasper-grimoire, but I'm a big fan of the following things:

Books:

Grovedaughter Witchery | Bree NicGarran/@breelandwalker

Ozark Folk Magic | Brandon Weston

Queer Magic | Tomas Prower

Morbid Magic | Tomas Prower

Do I Have to Wear Black? | Mortellus

honestly most of the books in the beginner magic section of my bookshelf

YouTube Channels:

Annabel Margaret | The Green Witch (same person, two YouTube accounts)

The Witch of Wonderlust

Chaotic Witch Aunt

I'm also becoming fond of The Stitchin' Witch, but that's one of those channels where I have to speed up the voice.

I watch a few more magic/tarot YouTubers, but I keep yelling at them to get to the point and to script their videos because they stumble over their thoughts, repeat things over and over, or fill their speech with "uh" and "um". It's YouTube, you can edit your videos before you put them up, I promise-

Ahem. Moving on.

Tumblr Blogs:

@crazycatsiren

@will-o-the-witch

@serpentandthreads

@stagkingswife

@traegorn

@windvexer

@breelandwalker of course

And more, but once you follow all of these people, you can look at the recommended blogs on their pages and go from there. Go observe their posts and read their masterposts. Give them your money if you can. They do so much to better this platform and the magic community as a whole and deserve to be supported.

Hopefully this gave you a bit of insight into what I consider to be pretty decent things! Above all, be respectful.

~Jasper

[raposarealm]

Just saw the character questions you reblogged! I don't know who you've answered about in the past, but how about either Geo Stelar/Subaru Hoshikawa and/or Sonia Strumm/Misora Hibki? I'm almost positive you've probably answered about them already, but they're my favorite characters in Mega Man Star Force (Alongside Luna). Thank you for reading this, even if you don't respond!

YES ABSOLUTELY I WILL ANSWER

Also surprisingly nobody's sent in Subaru or Misora (or any Starforce characters, actually) yet.

Ok I'll do this in two, but first: Subaru because I will always, always be ecstatic to gush over him because he's my favourite. Also, this got super long so read more to save people’s dashes:

Why I like them

Oh god where to start. Literally me. he's literally me when I was a critically depressed hikkikomori kiddo floating in-between grades in high school. Right down to the space nerdiness. But, I digress.

First off, I don't see too many well-written representations of depression and trauma (or PTSD in this case, arguably,) in the media I consume or in general really, but the few that I do see tend to be the kinda 'Izusu Ren' archetype: gloomy, melancholic, tearful, and often self-harming or even suicidal (especially in Ren's case particularly.) This is accurate to some folks, yes! But, not so much to my experience with the illness. I'm not suicidal, I'm not self-harming, I'm not tearful and sad and mopey. And, neither is Subaru! He's not sad, he's angry, frustrated at the world in general and at himself specifically. He's self-deprecating, but also cynical and paranoid to the point of delusion. He's actively forcing himself to stay this way at the beginning of the first game (I'll ignore the anime for now,) because he's so terrified -- phobic, even -- of being abandoned or betrayed again, and it's just... easier to keep everyone away if you convince yourself that everyone's out to get you, or angry at you, or if you just see people as caricatures instead of, well, people. And that's so dead on the mark of how I act, it's almost creepy.

Subaru has no energy, no motivation, and that's what depression does to you, the 'depression' is the depresses energy, 'cause your brain's not producing enough serotonin, enough dopamine, and your nervous system isn't working right. But, all that paranoia and delusion ends up giving Subaru some pretty severe anxiety issues as well, which isn't really surprising given how often those two disorders overlap. He's not a classic textbook-example of depression, he's an amalgam of different disorders, all compounded by occurring in his early formative years! It's not really known if he had friends before Luna gang and Misora, but there's a good chance he didn't have any close ones -- which might have been why he was so close to Daigo, and why he couldn't physically move on from his death/disappearance for three whole years, until Warrock shows up and very literally drags him back into the world.

But Capcom didn't go full edge here, not at all, because once he's given a reason to keep moving, even one he might not have wanted at first, Subaru can't keep up the cynical façade anymore, he can't keep convincing himself he doesn't care about people, because he does, more than anything. I feel, Subaru kinda embodies the whole 'with great power comes great responsibility' line, y'know the one. He didn't choose to fight, he was forced to by the imminent crisis in the moment (either the out-of-control train in the game, or the derailed monorail car in the anime.) He didn't want to fight, he was scared, he straight up has a panic attack in the anime even; but, even if he didn't care particularly about the rest of the town, even if the classmates now dangling precariously over a hundred-plus-foot drop had previously left a bad taste in his mouth, these were still people, and therefore, he couldn't think of them as objects. There's a line he quotes in game 1 during the denpa-human attack that I've already made a whole post on, but I'll repeat it here again since it really sums up Subaru's true view on things: "Even if there was a sliver of a chance, it's better to do something." I compared it to a line said by Shinobu Akira in her story in Magia Record, "Inaction is Cowardice," and I feel that both lines also resemble a principle I strongly try to live by: Noblesse Oblige, or "Nobility Obliges," the ideal that people in power should help those who don't have it. (Or, as defined by the OED, "privilege entails responsibility.") Even if Subaru didn’t care particularly about anybody in danger, or otherwise, once he fully realized that, as Ryuusei, he now had the power to fight and protect others, he had a duty to do so. This was especially expanded upon in game 2, which, yes, joke all you want about the story, but I still feel that at least this part of the plot was handled really well. 

Having Subaru break away from the ‘gung-ho warrior of justice’ archetype we tend to see in both shounen and magical girl genre series (fight me), or maybe even just from his predecessor Netto’s pure nosiness and naïve curiosity, let Subaru have a character arc that mirrored the arcs of the characters he fought, and eventually saved. He’s having to overcome his past, the way Misora and Luna were. He was having to overcome the cynicism that had come to be his shield, the same way Gonta was using his image as a cruel ‘tough-guy’  to hide his insecurity. He had to learn to place his trust his new-found friend(s), the same that Utagai had to learn that not everyone was out to get him (and frankly, both had to learn to trust Amachi specifically, ehe.) He had to learn to persevere through the right path, even when facing insurmountable odds, the way Ikuta had to learn to fight for what was truly important to him, consequences be damned. And don’t even get me started on Tsukasa and Hikaru. Hell, Subaru even had to re-learn to see people as individuals, and to place hope in them, the way Warrock had to do when encountering Daigo, and again through Subaru himself. Actually honestly the dynamic of those two is just, fantastic thank you. It kept his character from feeling stagnant, since he didn’t start at a good place, he had room to grow and improve -- but also room to dip back down again, to have impactful ‘darkest hours’, and just moments of true, well, mental illness. 

And since the plot of the series is so heavily character-driven, Subaru ends up getting to the point where he chooses to keep going, to keep fighting and protecting others. He chooses to keep his own development going, into a true ‘shining star’ of hope for others. (Ok look I was trying to make a pun here, laugh, dammit.) And the hope others place in him ends up powering him in both a metaphorical sense, and in the very literal sense of the Brotherband. He’s only able to activate the Star Force when he vows to protect Luna no matter the cost. He’s only able to break free from the control of the OOPArt[s] through the force of his will to prevent harm from befalling those dear to him (once again Luna, I know.) And look I’m sure game 3 has an equivalent with whatever’s going on with the Noise Changes but I still haven’t finished it because D-pads are my enemy. He’s only able to be guided back home in the game 1 ending by the collective bond, the Brotherband, between him and his friends, even the ones who hadn’t formed a formal connection were still so dear to him that the connection became a literal path. ...Have I made it clear how much I love the Power of Friendship trope, because it’s literally The Best. 

And maybe that’s the core of it all, Subaru as a character, and through that Ryuusei as both an alias and extension of the two characters that form it, embodies the power of friendship, of bonds, of hope so integrally, yet he’s not the annoyingly bubbly, over-optimistic protagonist that usually gets that type of theming -- he’s believable because he falters. He never gives up hope or faith, but he comes dangerously close, and he’s still prone to a whole load of self-doubt and deprecation that comes with being the one shouldering it all. Also, how did this end up turning into a Madoka theme analysis? Whoops. Basically, I like Subaru’s character theming in the same way I like Madoka’s character -- a realistic, but not dark or edgy, response to their situations, and a inseverable, if not unwavering, hope.

Why I don’t

Ok, usually I have an answer here, but... Nope. Subaru is literally my favorite okay, I don’t dislike really anything about him.

I will note that, for the anime’s writing of him in particular, some of the impact of his arc is lost by speeding up his ‘recovery’ from his depressed state. Actually, my problem there might be that the anime kind of implies that Subaru ends up defeating his mental issues permanently, with the only relapse shown in the middle of the season much more to do with active trauma (and some goading from Cygnus) than with anything more deep-seated. Here’s the thing: depression, anxiety, trauma (and resulting PTSD), any other illnesses/disorders you could argue Subaru to have... they’re treatable, they’re combatable... but they’re not curable. They don’t magically go away, they don’t even go away with all the work in the world. Mental disorders are the result of a physical deficiency and/or deformity in the mind, whether neurologically or chemically. And the source of that issue can’t be cured, because it’s a fundamental part of how your brain works. It’s like saying that an autistic person can’t be ‘cured’ of autism -- because it’s a fundamental issue with how our brains are wired to work. 

The game doesn’t do this, fortunately, and instead does the opposite: it goes almost out of it’s way to show us how these illnesses and issues are still there, they’re still affecting Subaru and every way he functions. He’s never going to be ‘cured’ of his depression, trauma, anxiety, etc., but he still overcomes them the best he can -- and when he can’t, he’s got friends to pull him out of whatever funk’s got him this time. The anime kind of nerfs Luna gang into secondary characters a lot of the time (though arguably set up to be main during the short-lived and much better Tribes,) and while Misora is sort of set up to take their place, they take too long to fully let her and Subaru be actual friends instead of just teammates. Amachi and Utagai kind of fill in a little, but their adult status kinda makes them feel more like mentors and teammates more than proper friends. (Anime-ver. Amachi definitely feels like an older brother-esque figure to Subaru, at least. Utagai, well... he’s Utagai.) However, I wonder how much of this had to do with the show possibly just not having enough time to build things out at the pace they were moving.

Favorite episode (scene if movie)

Since I’ve mentioned both game and anime versions here, I’ll give one for both!

For the game, definitely the scene mentioned above from game 1, during the denpa-human attack on Kodamasho. This part of the game takes place directly after the culmination of the Libra arc, which ended in the school play, where Luna mistakes Subaru in a poorly-made costume for the actual Ryuusei (until Kizamaro fumbles his queue and blacks out the spotlight, which, having now worked with a manual spotlight, that’s not hard to do, give the kid a break he’s short.) Luna’s already starting to act on edge around Subaru at this point, since A) she’s not sure who she saw in that moment, but she can’t shake the suspicion that Subaru and Ryuusei are connected somehow, and B) her puppy crush on Ryuusei has started to evolve into a much more tangible crush, but on Subaru instead, so she’s frazzled and it doesn’t take much for her to start going off the deep end panicking when she, well, witnesses her two closest friends turn into some sort of pink floating monstrosity right in front of her. Her clinging on to Subaru instinctively helps cement Subaru into the rare leader role, and we get to see him act under pressure, in civilian form, with a panicked friend in tow. The line mentioned above is given in this part, where after tactically traversing the school grounds for an exit, Subaru realizes he’s definitely gonna have to fight his way out of this one, and accepts this all on his own, no prodding from Warrock, no complaining or cowering, he immediately moves to thinking of how to protect Luna who’s still clinging to him like a lost puppy. So, rare Cool Subaru, a not-so-rare flustered and panicked Luna (which helped to transition into her arc in the next part,) solid character growth on both parties, and my favorite line of all time.

As for the anime, I’d say I’m split between three. The first scene being Subaru and Warrock’s first meeting. It’s so drastically different from the game’s version, but I sort of liked having them get a chance to properly meet before chaos ensued. It’s rather comical, so it sets up the ensuing gravity of the fight to come in the next episode. 

The second scene, the Ryuusei vs. Harp Note fight. Note (ehe) that in the anime, Misora was unconscious during this fight, and her arousal signaled the end of the skirmish. As a result, Harp was in complete control of Misora’s body, and that led to a much more dangerous opponent than what Harp Note would be later on with Misora conscious. This fight had a surprisingly little amount of dialogue, given what’s normal for the rest of the series, and animation-wise, you could tell that lead storyboarder Shingo Adachi had his hand in this one, it’s one of the best in the season. Subaru demonstrates real efficiency and skill with the battle card system, as well as the high agility and speed he becomes known for throughout the series. The best part, though, being one of Harp’s lines before the fight -- in response to her rhetorically questioning whether her adversary was Warrock in henkan, he effectively tells her to shush and go back home... and then Subaru responds separately as Ryuusei, with much more dignified dialogue of course. Harp responds bewilderedly asking if Warrock’s host was actually conscious, cementing how rare a team such as the two of them working together was. It’s an early indication of both Warrock’s unique nature among the denpa, as well as showing how in-sync (or maybe in-synchro, this is the same studio after all,) the two are. 

The third scene, Subaru returning after the encounter with the Satella Admins to rescue Warrock. Given everything that had happened between the two at this point, Subaru’s decision to throw his wariness and anger of Warrock out the window to save and reunite with him, first, is obviously a really good Power of Friendship scene, which is just the best. But, secondly, it shows more character growth on Subaru, and a lot of it all at once. Warning for spoilers, but Warrock had been accused of being Daigo’s murderer, but in the end, Subaru decided that there wasn’t any way that could be true, that this person that he’d come to know so well just wasn’t betraying him. Finally embracing gut instinct and a blind faith in a friend sets Subaru on the upswing of his arc in this season, and helps to bolster Warrock’s character as well. (The premiere usage of the Star Break coming in the scene after this makes it even better.)

Favorite season/movie

For games, game 1 is my favourite game of all-time now. Like, it’s displaced Drawn to Life, the namesake for this blog even. For the anime, Tribes was better than season 1, ridiculous Gainax ending aside. I just know that if they’d had more time/episodes, it would’ve far eclipsed the source material of game 2.

Favorite line

Already answered above: “Even if it was a sliver of a chance, it’s better to do something.” (I know Daigo said it first but shush)

Favorite outfit

I mean, he wears the same thing pretty much all the time? But, I do like his normal civilan wear, and good ol’ Ryuusei also looks real neat. (Also the concept art outfit from the cancelled game 4 is actually awesome and also the only good thing we got out of that.)

OTP

Look, honestly, Subaru’s kind of shippable with any of the main adolescent cast, but also, I don’t strongly ship him with anybody really. But I guess if I had to pick a pair, Subaru/Tsukasa. Also, Subaru/Kizamaro of all things works... better than it should.

Brotp

Subaru/Gonta and Subaru/Misora! (Or better yet, all three of them as the game 3′s terrific trio!)

Head Canon

He learns to knit because Akane suggested it a bunch of times (she’s canonically said to knit in game 2,) and even though Kodama’s too warm for winter wear, any time he ends up somewhere actually cold, he has a scarf that Akane knitted for him earlier on.

Also, for a decidedly less cute one: since in-game, Subaru would die if Ryuusei did, I assume damage taken in henkan carries over to his civilian form. Thus, I imagine after months of fighting, he’s developed some fairly impressive scars, mostly on the limbs and back from near-misses and being surprise attacked. He usually wears long clothing as shown in canon, so they’re not visible normally, but during Phys Ed and other points where he would have more skin showing, he covers the scarring with a makeup concealer (probably found at like, the local drug store or something.) This would apply to Misora, too.

Unpopular opinion

Y’know, I don’t think I have one of these this time.

A wish

Let him continue to stay with the friends he’s grown so close to.

An oh-god-please-dont-ever-happen

Capcom, don’t you dare pull out that cancelled game 4 ‘edge rebellious teenage phase’ Subaru y’all implied. I. Will. Fight. You.

5 words to best describe them

Stubborn, Resilient, DEPRESSED, Anxious, Determined.

My nickname for them

I affectionately call him ‘my boy’ because he’s my favourite and therefore my boy; I also call him ‘Mohawk’ (though I also call Kill La Kill’s Kinagase the same thing and that made for a confusing summer 2017) and also ‘Cockatiel’ because everyone else like to joke about that.

WOW THIS GOT LONG it also took me like three hours so sorry Crystal

Gonna get to Misora next, because I can’t not gush over her too