#and even if it was fake it's hard to develop emotional connection with people you don't fully understand

[torgawl]

fontaine and furina having this theatrical motif around them has always felt intentional. the way furina was characterised in the first two patches almost being the personification of the ostentacious nature of european, and more precisely, the french monarchy has always come across as aforethought. the same way furina was presented as not having her nation's sympathy and indulging in her own pleasures is very akin to marie antoinette, as we all probably know (and this makes even more sense now knowing she has a similar fate of being sentenced to death by the guillotine, which we can almost infer is also related to treason by acting against the security of the "french state" or genshin's version of it: fontaine). now, to make my point i want to quote a few characters and expand a little on what i have interpreted of them.

let's start with lyney who is introduced and has a bit of a monologue on magic in the teaser for fontaine.

"the essence of magic is getting people to believe a lie. and the most important part of this is what people see."

lyney tells us, the viewer, the interpretation of a lie depends enterily on what you see and how you see it. doesn't this resonate perfectly with the title for fontaine's last archon quest and the theme that was presented to us all the way back to toy teyvat's teaser narrated by dainsleif, "masquerade of the guilty"?

"people don't realize how much they expect their eyes to tell them the truth. but it's not real it's all a show. and every part of the show is carefully controlled. controlled how? by choosing the right time, the right place and the right people."

i pointed out how lyney talks to us as the viewers because i think we're very quick to exclude ourselves from being seen as a character. it's easy to infer that a major plan is taking place thinking of one character (or a group of characters) fooling the others. but i always thought it was curious the way these things and the emphasis on being part of a play was pointed to us (you and me, if that makes sense) like we were going to be the ones fed a lie so that the curtain could fall eventually at the end. you know what's curious about this specific lyney quote? how the camera pans to clorinde and neuvillette as we heard the words "the right people". specially after seeing the trailer for the last part of the archon quest, having neuvillette aknowledge he now knows his role and hearing furina say at the end she hopes he enjoyed his part in the play ties perfectly with this.

"but keep your eyes peeled, and you might be able to turns thing to your advantage."

weather you think of yourself as the viewer or not, this phrase feels like a presage for what the future might look like.

after lyney's monologue, arlecchino chimes in and the conversation stirs a little.

"in a nutshell, magic is what you see with your own two eyes. very fun, but it's not enough."

she seems to be indicating that having a trick inst enough, that making people believe the lie is what makes the show. this trick has to be so perfect and believable that it's impossible to see through which she then compliments with:

"let me make something clear. you think of yourselves as magicians. but when you're on the stage, you're first and foremost actors. good actors hone their craft to mesmerize the whole crowd."

arlecchino makes a distinction between magicians and actors and, this way, the narrative of being part of a play is introduced once again. which makes me think of her hand creeping out from behind furina in one of the posters for the next update. so it has me wondering what her part of the play may be. seeing arlecchino characterised as a wolf in sheep's clothing and someone who would betray the tsaritsa in a heartbeat almost makes me wish for that to be the case. but i also wonder if she is doing something in exchange for the hydro gnosis. theories apart, she's definitely weaving her threads in there somehow.

i could skip the next part since we already know the furina we meet is but a superficial layer of who furina actually is and her role as the hydro archon. but the way she is introduced in the fontaine teaser really ties with everything mentioned in this post, making it clear she's the main character in the play.

"ugh boring! why do I even bother? when are we going to finally see a real twist for once?"

she's described by dainsleif in the teyvat teaser as someone who "lives for the spectacle of the courtroom" as we all have seen through the first patches. it also correlates to the whole theme of justice as entertainment which many people have expanded upon. she asks to see "a real twist" and who better to do that if not the queen of flamboyance herself?

i wanted to point all of this out because, since the beginning, i think it's been obvious furina as a character was always implied to have people change their view on her. not only by other characters but also us, who are part of this big play by following fontaine's story. this was highlighted by the sheer difference in the way traveller is treated or used in fontaine compared to other regions, having other characters play the big important moments as if we were side characters (loss of protagonism), and the ammount of control we are given over (our influence in court and our role as a lawyer, for example). this change in opinion furina was fated to have has always beem hinted to be triggered by some sort of sacrifice. being so influenced by marie antoinette, having furina turn into a scapegoat or a martyr and getting people's respect after death (either real or metaphorical) feels to fit the narrative. this is why players not liking furina has never really bothered me. i believe furina was not characterised - when she was introduced to us - to be liked, quite the opposite. it was faux, a way to manipulate our own perception and opinion on her. i think part of our "role" was to be tricked, much like what we are hinted at throughout the narrative.

[aeth-eris]

scorpio moons aren’t mysterious because they want to be-it’s a natural defense mechanism. their emotions run so deep and intense that not everyone can handle it, so they keep it under lock and key until they feel truly safe. when they do open up, it’s raw, transformative, and probably a little intimidating... but also a connection you’ll never forget.

scorpio moons have this emotional x-ray vision; they can read people like an open book, no matter how hard anyone tries to keep things hidden. they just know what's beneath the surface, and faking it around them? nearly impossible. oddly enough, they're drawn to chaos or intense situations and people that push them to the edge. they don’t create drama intentionally, but a calm, predictable life often leaves them restless, like something essential is missing. if there’s no depth, they’ll either stir things up or keep it moving.

they have this complicated relationship with vulnerability, craving raw, soul-baring intimacy while fearing exposure. they’ll test you, push you, maybe even try to push you away-just to see if you’re really in it with them. but if you stick around, you’ll earn a place very few ever reach.

when it comes to loyalty, scorpio moons are all-in-but cross them once, and getting close again is unlikely. it’s not about grudges; it’s about survival. they guard their hearts fiercely because letting anyone in feels like handing over a part of their soul. they’re the shadow dancers, finding beauty in life’s darker aspects that others avoid, like pain, loss, and transformation. if you’re going through something heavy, a scorpio moon will be right there, unafraid to sit with you through it all.

scorpio moons can be emotionally intense to the point of being exhausting-for both themselves and others. they live in a world of extremes, where every feeling has depth, but sometimes this leads them to hold onto grudges or past pain way too tightly, almost like they’re feeding off of it. forgiveness isn’t their strong suit; once someone crosses them, it’s like an internal switch flips, and they’ll silently cut that person out for good.

their need for intensity can border on self-sabotage. they crave emotional highs and lows, and if things get too stable or predictable, they might unconsciously stir up drama just to feel that rush again. it’s as if they fear peace because, to them, it might mean a lack of depth. but this pattern can end up hurting people who just want a calm, steady love.

they can also be a bit manipulative in relationships. scorpio moons have a knack for understanding people’s weak spots and, when they’re feeling insecure or hurt, might use this insight to get the upper hand or control the situation. it’s like a defense mechanism-they’ll push buttons just to test loyalty or see how much someone really cares, often without realizing how destructive this can be.

scorpio moons are driven by a deep need to understand life’s complexities and uncover what’s hidden beneath the surface. having the moon in scorpio means that their emotional core is tied to scorpio’s intense, transformative energy, which makes them feel everything in extremes. they aren’t wired for light-hearted emotions; their experiences with feelings are all-or-nothing, which creates that intense, sometimes overwhelming inner world.

part of this comes from scorpio’s association with themes of life, death, and rebirth-it’s a sign that’s constantly in the process of shedding and regenerating. scorpio moons are almost emotionally programmed to seek out these transformative cycles, but it makes them feel like they’re living in a constant state of survival. this can make them fiercely protective of themselves and others but also hyper-aware of betrayal or disloyalty. because they feel everything so profoundly, they end up developing thick emotional armor, only letting people in if they’re sure it’s safe.

they’re also deeply intuitive, almost psychic, when it comes to understanding others’ intentions. this comes from a need to protect themselves from vulnerability. it’s like a sixth sense that lets them read people’s energy and motives without anyone saying a word. they pick up on power dynamics and hidden agendas in ways most people don’t, which makes them wary and, at times, even suspicious. the downside? this hyper-awareness of potential threats can make them closed off, always expecting the worst.

finally, scorpio moons have a complex relationship with control. because they experience emotions so intensely, they fear losing themselves in them. to counter this, they might develop subtle ways to control their environment or relationships, creating situations where they feel powerful rather than vulnerable. it’s like they’re in a constant dance with their own emotions, learning to balance depth with self-protection. it’s what gives them that air of mystery and emotional intensity that’s both magnetic and, sometimes, challenging.

[mbti-notes]

Being introverted (INFJ), I've worked hard on social skills and I'm proud to say socializing is less tiring than it used to be, but I'm coming to face the reality that it will always be tiring. Is there another way except socializing to feel connected to the world?

One's relationship to the world is mediated through the two extraverted functions, which are Fe and Se in INFJ. To simplify, Fe is about feeling connected, whereas Se is about being connected. Why is this seemingly minor distinction important?

One of the great advantages of being INFJ is that you are gifted with great powers of imagination. With Ni+Fe, you possess a unique capacity to conjure connections to the world. This means you can form a strong emotional bond with anything in the world, simply because you want to.

You might quibble with the word "conjure" because it sounds like you're just inventing something, and how can something fake or unreal be truly meaningful? I don't see it that way. A feeling is real, and feeling connected benefits your emotional well-being in very real ways. The benefits include: contentment, joy, love, fulfillment, and a sense of mattering. Life is hard enough, so why deprive yourself of this gift?

Yes, conjuring connections becomes a problem when it is the only means through which you can connect with the world (aka trapped in your own head). This is why it's important to strike the right balance between feeling connected and actually being connected. Fe development will only help quell Se grip if it leads to at least some concrete connections in the real world. Thus, social connection with real people is absolutely necessary, but it doesn't have to be the only or even the primary means of worldly connection.

It's always quite sad to me to see INFJs suffer from having their imagination stifled or oppressed. If you are one of them, perhaps you're wondering how to go about conjuring connections. To feel "bonded" to something is essentially to deeply love that thing, which requires opening your heart to it. I can give you simple examples from the many INFJs I've met. Some INFJs feel a strong bond with the authors that inspire them. Some feel a strong bond with nature, plants, or animals. Some feel a strong bond with creative works like music or paintings. Some feel a strong bond with sacred objects. Some feel a strong bond to particular places, times, or events.

Since you can form a strong emotional bond with anything, the only limit is your imagination. The more you work to expand your imagination, the more receptive your eyes will become, and the more opportunities you'll discover for filling your heart with love. People often chase love as though it's an elusive object out there in the world. Unfortunately, they don't realize that love can be willed into existence and actively infused into life, so there is no need to be so starved or desperate for it. Since you're very easily fatigued by socializing, you might be missing this key ingredient. If you approached people with a heart full of love, you might find socializing to be easier and much more fulfilling.

[timeskip]

OKAY. So Umineko episode 3 thoughts. I finished it, but I did NOT start the tea party, and I will do that tomorrow. My opinions on this may change, possibly DRASTICALLY, with the tea party, so this is my sleepy preliminary thoughts

FIRST AND MOST IMPORTANTLY: THE TWIST

Beatrice doing it all to trick Battler is weird, right? Right. Okay. I don't believe it was all an act. At least PARTS of it were real. Maybe not her pathetic failgirl demeanor, as much as I loved it, but some of the underlying emotions... especially in the way she hesitated before saying it was all to trick him. At the same time, I do believe her that it WAS ultimately to trick him. I have no doubt that she's cruel, and she's tormenting Battler, and this is all to force him to do things her way... At the same, it's hard to say for sure. How much of Beatrice's actions and feelings were real? Can we trust what we were shown? The moments where she was contemplating alone, or even her fight against Eva/Virgilia/etc... Hm. Weird.

It almost makes episode 3 feel hollow? NOT in a bad way. It's very much like "ahhhh she fucking GOT me huh. She truly is an amazing villain." but at the same time I had ADORED her character development. Maybe me trying to twist it to make her have felt some of it genuinely is me attempting to keep that, in order to get rid of that hollowness, even though the POINT is that it's hollow. At the same time, I'm almost surprised I got tricked, because I kept thinking "this is only episode 3. I know this goes on for 5 more episodes. How are we going to go back. Isn't this too fast?" so basically I did know it was in some way "fake" even if only subconsciously. And I love Beato being cruel so I'm not mad about that... but it's. weird. god idk how to feel about it. I feel positively for sure, but. dude. You can't just say "everything you saw was a lie" and expect people like me to not go "wtf you can't tell lies like that" even though it's fiction and they absolutely can. Without a specific unreliable narrator to point to (since Umineko swaps POVs and ultimately some scenes end up coming off as omniscient even as they establish a lack of "truth" to any scene being shown) it just leaves me wondering what to think of it, and trying to wrap my head around Beatrice's truth and lies. It's fun! I enjoy that!!! But also I'd have appreciated more hints... I guess. Maybe the tea party will help. Or maybe I'm just being overdramatic about being tricked with Battler. She really did get me.

As for Ange, I was NOT expecting her. Obviously. Who would? But I guess it's time for her to join the game...!!! So excited!!! I do wonder why she's roughly a decade older than she is in 1986, so... time travel? That's crazy. I'm all here for it.

ANYWAYS. Episode 3 was by far my favorite. I loved seeing more of Eva, and she's a fascinating character. Beato's act pulled on my heartstrings in all the right ways to make me fall in love with her. She truly is the woman ever. And Battler's rejection of her was so interesting, and everything that forced him to believe in Beatrice, even if only for a short while... All the twists were fun, I was kept on the edge of my seat, it was truly amazing in a beautifully brutal way.

If I have any complaint other than the ending knocking me notably off-center, it's... Virgilia. I ultimately accepted her, and ofc I love Beato's teacher as a concept, and the Beatrice name passing on, butttttt I have so many questions about where she came from. As Kumasawa? Kumasawa is ALSO a witch connected to this, but has none of the same mannerisms as Virgilia? It just felt so. over the top to me, for lack of a better phrase. It's such a minor complaint though, and a matter of taste. But also, was she just as cruel as Beato? I genuinely don't know. Wild.

Definitely an episode to chew on.

[donnerpartyofone]

First Pants, THEN Your Shoes

I spent a lot of time on the autism and ADHD subs before and in the aftermath of my ADHD diagnosis, and it was often helpful in contextualizing a lot of my nagging and seemingly unexplainable problems. The people there are generally nice, I never really saw any of the toxic behavior that Reddit is famous for. There's just one incident that stuck in my craw, where someone was dealing with issues of emotional access that I thought were so misunderstood by everyone who responded, I wanted to help somehow but I didn't know what to say.

Basically this person admitted that they just have no relationship with their parents. For their whole life they never experienced an authentic, loving connection, and faking it all the time was both exhausting and guilt-inducing. This was a pretty brave thing to express, but I thought that it basically made sense in a forum for people who are famously thought of as cold, rude, and "low empathy". But what happened was that a ton of people responded with "I feel this because" of their horrific history of open abuse and neglect, which I thought was clearly not what OP was describing--and then one person absolutely flipped the fuck out on them, posting a vicious tirade about what a bad person they were. The aggressor faught with a couple of other people before loudly announcing that this post had caused them to leave that subreddit for good. That seemed so cruel and unnecessarily personal to me, I really felt bad for OP who came to the autism forum like we all do to say "I have feelings or behaviors that are abnormal and I feel bad/confused/conflicted about them." I also felt bad that their confession had been conflated with the problems of child abuse and domestic violence, which they clearly did not address. I thought I knew what they meant. I think that I also have different kinds of emotional experiences than most people, and that incident reminded me of why I don't usually admit it.

Do I have histories of abuse and neglect that could have affected my emotional development, or am I just "like this"? I don't know how to answer that. I think that the nature versus nurture debate is like, a fun game to play, but basically absurd. There is absolutely no way to control for pure effects of biology and neurology and genes, separate of pure effects of experience. The right answer is always "it's both", and then you proceed with whatever psychological management style seems most helpful. You try to understand what you have to work with, which rarely involves nailing down the absolute factually objective specifics of your origin story; you approximate about what feels important, and you try to move forward. Some people have histories so difficult that dealing with their inherent "nature" is moot, and some people have a nature that makes even minor experiences vastly more affecting than usual.

To be Freudian about it, my mother kind of didn't want anything to do with me. She was civil about it so it's hard to say I was abused, but I received a pretty consistent rejection signal until she died when I was a teenager. This seems to me to be related to her mother, who made a big performance of being the Perfect Mommy but who was in fact critical, controlling, and manipulative. This in turn seems related to the fact that her father, my great grandfather was a child rapist, which my grandmother refused to deal with, or only dealt with through her burlesque of extreme normality. Severe clinical depression exists on that side of the family, and I have it too. Nature or nurture?

My paternal grandfather was a fascinating, cosmically-minded person who obviously affected my father's powerful intellectual development, but who was emotionally absent. My paternal grandmother was an infantile narcissist with zero sympathy for others and semi-violent tendencies. Also there was obviously "something going on" with her; she cataloged everything in her house, literally on a computer and in physical binders, and devised wild methods of controlling everything around her including children and animals. When we visited her we had to shower outdoors like cattle.

In my family, we didn't say I love you. We didn't touch except for ritually mandated occasions. But we talked a lot. We shared interests, which many families do not do, do not even consider, even when they are warm and affectionate. From the moment I was born I was sad, angry, obsessive, freaked out. Intellectually overdeveloped and emotionally crippled. My mom checked out, and when her parents visited I was very confused and frightened by their soap operatic and purpose-driven performance of emotion. But no matter how messed up I was, my dad made infinite amounts of time for me. I cannot say that he was comforting the way people normally mean it, but he was present and listened. How many miles did we walk before I was a teenager? We talked about dreams, phobias, the subconscious, symbolism, theology, and art and literature. This is still the basis on which I relate to him. Sometimes as an adult I bare a wound brazenly to see if I can make him react to the bad things that have happened to me, but he doesn't. That's not in the rulebook. I don't even know if I WANT the rules to change, I just have to test them sometimes. I probably like them just the way they are.

Meanwhile my brother, who is close in age to me, has become the single most normal and successful person I know, professionally, socially, and in his private life. Nature or nurture?

I have had a much harder time gaining traction. It's hard to get ahead when you have to spend a lot of time just figuring out what the fuck is wrong with you. There are a lot of normal-seeming things I cannot figure out or literally cannot do. My emotional life is somewhat bizarre. I either retreat from society or develop intense, virtually monogamous 1-1 friendships with very poor boundaries. At my small wedding I suddenly realized that my guests didn't even know each other very well; people making toasts didn't seem to know what to say about our courtship. I obsess over people, but it tends to be very intellectual. I don't want anyone to touch me ever, like unless we're fucking, which is a source of much confusion and ridicule among others. I need to be alone A LOT. I can think about someone all the time but forget to tell them more than a few times a year, so I have to be consciously careful to let people know I remember their existence. I once tried to explain to someone that I don't really miss people in the way that others seem to, and I meant it to say "I love you even if it doesn't look normal," and I think I just insulted the person and I regretted speaking.

I think this stuff sounds evil to a lot of people. I tend to think, there's me and there's the mammals. The mammals are warm and enjoy each other's warmth. The mammals feel safe in groups. The mammals have a physical and mental metabolism that refreshes itself daily or hourly; mine is very slow and I need lots of rest and recovery time. I don't feel safe in groups. I like to be cool and dry and hidden in the dark under a rock. For the mammals, their warmth is what makes them feel the value of life. Many of them assume that my coolness means I don't value life. This is absurd. Just because I don't want to feel your body against mine, doesn't mean I don't care what happens to your body. Just because I need to be alone, doesn't mean I wouldn't feel terrible if you are lonely or hurt. I don't even have to like you, to care whether you suffer. If I have misunderstood how my behavior will affect you, it is because I am an alien from outer space; I still care tremendously about whether I make your life better or worse. But this is hard to communicate for some reason.

I watch Lifetime movies with great, almost ghoulish fascination. I'm captivated by their hyperbole of American values, of love and family. I'm spying on it from orbit. It constantly amazes me.

I had been talking to my dad for a while about my feeling that I'm autistic, but the ADHD diagnosis took me by surprised. When I learned more about it, it explained so much about my childhood, about behaviors I couldn't help and stuff I couldn't learn that made my parents, especially my mom so, so mad at me. I didn't know how the new information would strike my dad. My doctor had cautioned me not to feel bad about all the time and potential I lost not understanding my own care and upkeep. Would my dad feel bad about not understanding me? His response was so perfectly, absolutely emblematic of our entire relationship that I couldn't have written it better myself.

There would be no emotional outbursts, no drippy apologies. There was only consciousness, perception, existentialism, God, subjectivity versus cosmic reality. This is what we do. This is how we survive. This is how we say I Love You. I love you so much, dad. I'm proud of you and I'm so glad I am your daughter. Thank you for everything. Please don't touch me.

[the-shark-well]

Do you perchance have any Triple Threat headcanons you’d be willing to share….

you bet I do !!! and sorry this took me a second to answer I don't often think about these three enough . which is a shame because they make me normal

These are all scrambled thoughts so I'm . very sorry if it comes off as utter nonsense . there's a lot going on in my timeline it's hard to boil it down , really . also I applied headcanons for the "canon ending" of my timeline , which is Toppat King , so you're getting romantic triple threat , hope that's okay !

for reference: Henry uses they/it , Ellie she/her , and Charles he/him

- due to Henry's future sight and being caught in a timeloop with the help of Liaf , they feel very disconnected from others for a long time

- Ellie is able to see into their head through telepathy , so the two kinda accidentally develop an extremely powerful and eldritch bond even through the barrier of a timeloop . Ellie will always know Henry better than Henry perhaps knows itself , and Henry's choices will always lead it back to Ellie .

- Henry chooses to settle down in the TK timeline due to it being the best outcome long-term , from their perspective . They get married to Ellie and later on , Charles

- Charles is the Just Some Guy in the relationship ❤️

- post-TK Henry Charles and Ellie will fake capture Charles just so he can get away from his work for a while to hang out / go on dates . Charles is the one who proposed the idea (there are a million other much simpler solutions to get Charles from his duties but , to him , this is the most fun approach)

- this is less triple threat and more Charles but , Charles and RHM develop a very silly friendship . needless to say even despite his rank as a helicopter pilot for the government , Right likes him enough to accept him as one of their own

- the ideal date night for all three of them is going out into some crowded area and doing whatever is available to them . they like making every date an adventure together . fairs and festivals and theme parks are their favorites

- Although Ellie makes a big show of being more grounded than the others , in actuality she is just as chaotic if its funny . her responsibilties are second to her commitment to the bit .

- Charles is very touchy with his friends and loved ones , not just hugs but patting them on the back or shoulder , shaking them around , bumping their shoulder , etc. the others weren't used to it at first but they pretty quickly adjusted

- Ellie and Henry are rarely if ever seen apart . due to their weird divine relationship to one another they are very in sync as a married couple and Toppat leaders . Charles , due to his chaos powers of extreme empathy , learns to catch up with the connection the two share . although not nearly on the same level of Eldritch as the other two , he can read both of their emotions pretty plainly .

- Charles might eventually make the leap and join the Clan instead of living a double life , but he struggles with how to confront Galeforce about it without him freaking out

- Henry is very quiet and to themself and doesn't usually speak unless they absolutely must or are comfortable . Charles and Ellie are the only two who have consistently heard it talk .

- Ellie's best trait and worst flaw is her trust in others and the desire to give people second chances . Despite her history as a Toppat , she never wants to believe that anyone can be evil and self-serving everytime . this did get her in trouble back in the day (hence being at the Wall) , but it also allowed her to get close to Henry and get it to see that it can do and be better . Henry is very grateful for her .

- Charles is similarly very trusting , although less likely to give people second chances , he moreso operates on first impressions or orders given to him . His personal feelings may sometimes come secondary to his instructions . for some reason Henry and Ellie throw a wrench into his typical attitude . he just cannot bring himself to wish harm upon them , which really muddies things more when he starts to seek them out and talk to them . despite literally all of his orders telling him not to .

- Henry doesn't trust anybody because they don't even trust themself 👍 Their disconnect from people due to controlling the timeloop with Liaf is why they felt so Nothing about everything they've been doing . Until they met Ellie , and Ellie was the only person who saw what was up and that shook Henry to their core so bad they immediately started to reform . Henry nowadays is much , much better at trusting people , especially its partners .

[goldyluna]

5, 14, 25, 28 for the Soft Ask Game, please 🌻💖

5. How do you like to take care of yourself?

I like to give myself time. It is sometimes hard to do as sometimes you want something to work out now. Sometimes you have to look at the thing a few minutes, hours or days later to see it in a different light

I do what I like to do. Watch some videos, read or write some fanfics, draw, listen to music, cook. If I don't feel like doing any of those things I let myself be with myself

Being with myself is hard. I like to push my emotions and troubles really deep down and don't touch it. But taking care of ourselves is tightly connected with our emotions, mind and heart. It is important to get to know ourselves. And it is hard, I still have problems with it, but I try to give myself time to know myself

I like to spend time with other people. I am introverted and asocial person. I love doing things by myself, sitting alone in my room and do my things. But I utterly believe that we, as humans, need interactions with other people. It stimulates our brains, makes us feel better when we enjoy ourselves

I go out with my friends, sometimes even when I don't really feel like doing it. I sit with my mom to talk about some not important things or watch a movie with her

I wear clothes I want to wear and I think are cute. I struggle with self love and sometimes it is really hard to look in the mirror. But fashion is important to me. I style myself for me, so I should quit being such a hater. It still is a work in progress

I keep myself clean but also let myself be dirty. Sometimes it is so hard to clean your clothes, brush your teath, wash yourself or your place. But even the smallest step forward is enough to be proud of ourselves

Some of those things are still something I struggle with. I know there will be worse or better days. But we are only people, we will do good things and bad to ouselves. We deserve to take care of ouselves, no matter how. We deserve to feel good, no matter if we don't feel we deserve it. Let's be kind to ourselves <33

14. What's something upcoming that you’re excited for?

Maybe it is silly, but I always liked Christmas. I have really good memories with this holiday. I lost the excitement I had when I was a kid. I no longer wait in anticipation for the day. But it still holds a lot of sentiment to me. With this season there is always so many things. Colorful lights, miniature santas, ornaments, going outs for gift hunting or to just meet ups, the end of year is coming.

I love seeing my mom's happiness when she opens a new ornament bought specially for her. To sit in kitchen and cook things for the supper. To share wishes and jokes. Laugh that our cats are too shy to talk this Christmas too. We fake our surprise opening the gifts that we knew about and are under the tree just for the fun of it

It is just a day and it ends just like a normal day. But somehow it is really special

25. If your soul was a color, what would it be?

I am not really good with auras and picking colors for myself. I love to think my soul would be a combination of purples and yellows. Maybe some indigo and blue? I really like those colors

Yellow is a compassionate color, purlple gives mysterious vibe, indigo and blue are such calm colors. I would be happy with any color for either my soul or aura

I would love to know for real what my aura and soul looks like. Or at least how other people think it looks like. Anyone in the room that can tell me what color I am?? lol

28. What are you proudest of?

I think that I am proud that I am still going forward. That I try to be there for myself and others. That I try to be more social

I am proud of my diploma, even if I sometimes don't feel like it really shows my knowledge

I am proud that I found people that like my art or maybe even me

I am proud of my own development and how I might be a part of development of others

[hologramcowboy]

//noticed some body language cues and microexpressions that make me wonder. //

Can you give a few examples of the types of body language you noted, or micro-expressions? Or just things to watch for from each guy? I’ve watched Jared and Jensen's more recent panels trying to decide how I think they’re doing, and I keep flip-flopping between thinking they are getting to a better place with each other and the idea that they’re just putting on a stronger show and falling into their practiced habits. Maybe I’m picking up on the cues but not consciously?

I have noticed that some of their connections are missed at times, but they are also often in sync a lot, too.

It's important to note that actors are hyperaware of the effect their presence has on the crowd and due to this they carefully orchestrate each move to create the desired effects. Both Jared and Jensen play on their sex symbol images so to see real microexpressions you need to focus on those moments when they lose sight that everyone is watching. Which can be extremely difficult, especially with Jensen who has truly developed a persona on stage. Despite this, while words and chosen mannerisms can lie body language and microexpressions will always reveal someone's true mood so look for:

signs of tension that contradict the joy someone is displaying: e.g. they are laughing loudly but their eyes look full of tension and sad. Jensen is a master at hiding his emotions.

when one is speaking always looks for what the one who is not speaking is signaling but keeping in mind that most of what they do on stage is a performance much like stand up comedy so be on the watch for spontaneous reactions. Jared is usually more open and authentic compared to Jensen and when he fakes his mood you can spot that easily. There is a tension in his smile, it doesn't reach his eyes, he sweats and his nostrils flare. He may be smiling but he looks discontent. With Jensen it is a bit harder because he's so used to playing on his looks most of his expressions are histrionic and pre-planned, however, his eyes look dead inside even if he puts on that wide smile where people just focus on how how he is and he always has outbursts of arrogance that give his real mood away. His emotions are very intense so when they do shift it's hard to miss though he tries to hide it by adopting a sarcastic persona.

by the way, the look at the person who isn't talking thing- apply it in the workplace especially, when negotiating or in a meeting, if you want the truth, ask a well oriented, focused question from the person you are talking to and while they are answering, glance once in a while at the person standing next to them and what their bodylanguage and microexpressions are really telling you. They won't expect you to focus on them so they will be giving away a lot through their body language.

Especially during the last cons I've noticed how Jared's mood has shifted quite a bit towards the negative, he seemed sad and discontent but hiding it and this seemed to amplify during photo ops with Jensen. You know that feeling you get when you have to meet someone you don't really want to have to deal with and you are in competition with them because they wronged you and yet you end up in the same room together and have to play nice? That's exactly how I would describe it. They both had that look with Jensen's being a bit more amplified by a sense of arrogance. So it really made me wonder if maybe they had some not so pleasant discussions or some high stakes in some audition perhaps? Something's just off about their dynamic. I usually look for tension in the face and even photographers know this, they can really easily read the mood of the person they are photographing by noticing the tension in their lips, eyes, nerves and how it contradicts the expression they are actually putting on, for example, a smile. A real smile detenses your entire face, it lights up the eyes and you end up smizing with your eyes as well. Whereas, when you are smiling but your face looks frozen, your facial nerves are tense that indicates that you are forcing a smile against your natural mood in that moment and lately I've been noticing a lot of fake smiles and platitudes along with full on displaying discontent and contempt and both of them have mastered their on stage persona so if they are slipping and no longer able to hide certain emotions I'm really inclined to believe that all is not 100% harmonious with them.

They love each other as family but I think just like how brothers and sisters can get into high tension or competition so can J2 and perhaps there's a potential revival, audition or situation that has them a bit at odds with each other currently. Keep in mind, this is just my speculation so please ignore what does not resonate.

[tutuandscoot]

Some thoughts I’ve had recently:

Based around the idea of being so proud of the work they put into making each other the best they can be and in their highest moments/ standing on podiums they look could look at each other and see how both their’s and the others work has paid off.

Something that no doubt would be so rewarding for them but may possibly have added to the complexity of their relationship (and maybe hindered any possible romantic feeling if that was ever a possibility) was through all this work they did to become the best, they kind of in a way.. raised each other to be incredible humans. Like it was on each other to create the best possible human and athlete. They each had this… literally, hands-on role in each other as humans growing up and developing skills and world views.. It was this mutual agreement to not only become the best ice dancers in the world but within that they took their responsibility so seriously to always- every moment of everyday make the other feel confident and capable of becoming the best. From literally the earliest years of their partnership tessa talks about working with psychological ideas to nurture their partnership and they obviously really connected to the idea that becoming the best meant taking care of each other, respecting eachother, not putting the other down in order to thrive. For them at such young ages to commit to this partnership over everything else in life- then be lucky enough to have the people around them to instil in them these values of care and respect and trust, then them at these tiny ages actually understanding those things and wanting that to be the core of their partnership… they are two incredibly rare, intelligent, compassionate souls that’s for sure!

They couldn’t be their best if they were made to feel by the other like they were the drag on the team or weren’t working hard or wasn’t into the dance/character.. they themselves were allowed to feel those things- eg T feeling guilt over her injuries or S never feeling he was the dancer T was, but it was never to be as a result of the other making them feel like that. So through T’s injuries, S saying that the only girl who could go through what she went through and within a year be olympic champion- he had to be the one to make her believe that. She had enough self doubt on her own and opinions from others to put her down- S was not allowed to make her feel that way.

In a really interesting sense their relationship, or huge components of their relationship- specifically athletic partnership is the way it has been trained and drilled into them. They are/were.. put bluntly, an arranged marriage who’s relationship was trained to be successful. And the weirdest thing is there is a huge amount of emotion immersed in that quite cold description of it. It’s not to say their relationship is fake or manufactured because through learning how to trust each other with their lives and knowing what the other needs to hear and feel to be their best, they did develop incredibly deep feelings of affection for each other. And as I said above, it took two incredibly special humans with (if you want to believe in magic) some ‘written in the stars’ kinda fate attached to them. Nothing about them at all feels trained or scripted- it’s so real and that’s why so many people had a hard time accepting it. It just seemed too perfect that two people could appear to love each other that much and it not be romantic.. it’s because they practiced it everyday for over 20 years.

So at the end of their competitive career, even years later T still never fails to share her overwhelming emotions in the moment looking at Scott getting his gold medal.. to be able look at each other and feel so much pride and happiness for each other’s achievements, within that undoubtedly is self pride in the influence and work they put in to making that person the best they could be. And that is not at all a selfish emotion to feel- to think ‘you got here because of me’ because there is two of them and they feel that exact same way about eachother and hell no, they would not be there without eachother and they know that and don’t let anyone forget it.

People like to use the ‘business partner’ label as the butt of the joke with them or drag them for emphasising the work they put in to becoming so successful in the sense of their relationship but they really, truly wouldn’t have had they not cared so much about making each other the best they could be and omg.. for them actually at the end to look at the other and think ‘wow, look what you achieved and was here with you every step of the way’.. I mean what more could you want??

Ahhh..

I’m still finding new ways to understand them even in the slightest sense and the smallest new insights can lead me to have new thoughts about this incredibly complex, beautiful love story 💕

[thoughtsbeewild]

She won calling the shots for debate platform which is her Mainstream ABC platform to hold the debate location

We know orange wanted Fox news, but i get confused because sometimes he would say fox is fake or is thier certain sections of Fox that is fake. We need more clarity on that.

Knowing trump can handle the trenches of NBJ whatever, this will be thier turf. Its going be thier bullshit rules and they will not make it easy.

her comment by the plane just from a female perspective, she said she look forward to that ABC debate but will see for future debates after her first debate with you. That is sketchy, we women say that for a reason either you bomb or you don't. I know she trying save face and her ass , so thats why she probably said well see on Sept 10 debate. VERY SUSPICIOUS AS FUCK ...THEY ARE SO UNTRUSTWORTHY, LIKE SERIOUSLY.

Will will they have fair moderators?

Will the moderators give soft ball questions to Kamala the VP and nasty racist questions to orange, such as all the topics discussed?Expect every negative question to be thrown your way.. Also the questions that you struggle with, you have to ask yourself how can you answer better when its presented? Be prepared to answer in FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT but calm composed and don't ever show weakness or emotion that that she pushed your buttons. People see how intelligent you are from compassion to her about every topic/question thrown. That will be huge for voters to see that

Knowing they are VP/President- i wonder what kind of dirt will they air out. Joe biden in debate randomly said the pornstar. Is kamala going do the same, will they have an audience that will propose a question? Will they have liberal haters as audience to present Q&A questions to the debaters? Will they make Kamala look like America sweetheart as the presidential candidate or have questions make you look like bad person for being against queen kamala to whom they bow to? So many questions..

Please for the love of god... don't squeeze ill bet you ill beat you in a golf game, this is the president throne you want to win. Leader of the motherfucking free world, naw mean... Don't let this women puppet manhandle yo ass on national television..Not the time and place after all the effort, time etc. made. Entire WORLD wants to see you own her ass on national television so sweetly . but a great fuck you dumbass liar. make America great signoff

Mental note: Everyone is USA and other parts of the world are counting on you, if you lose all hope is lost..

its hard because i cant stand watching her, just hearing her voice, i cant but i do see clips from people reactions. She just so full of shit, everything that comes out of her mouth so untrue, unreal. how can people tolerate her being the next president? because we live in a world where these people exist and they want someone like that to vote for, despite the policy's, the make America great again. Those people want to feel like winners even though we know thier not and knowing that they can beat an intelligent educated person with little effort, lies, manipulation, kinda taking the short cut(instead of working hard or putting in the work, they don't have to like no interviews, barely rallies) makes them feel superior. Like haha in your face orange/vance, yall did all that work and my kamala ass just had to do this with my celebrity puppets . This is how we think, its female ego talking.

In Biden America, on THE WORKPLACE SOCIAL MEDIA PLATFORM , YOU SEE ALL THESE UN-DESERVING PROMOTIONS LIKE WTF. Your like i worked with her or him, they suck they are slackers and now they are manager, director, president. Because today leadership, in order to get promoted FOR THE JOB TITLE right now YA GOTTA KISS THAT ASS, KISS KISS MAD ASS, BOW DOWN, MAKE THOSE PUPPET CONNECTIONS AND THEY ARE UTILIZING DEI FOR PROMOTIONS FOR BLACK, LATINAS WORLD. ITS ALL WTF...

I WOULD WANT THAT CHANGED BACK TO MERIT, HARD WORK, DEVELOPMENT, STARTED FROM THE BOTTOM, NOW AT THE TOP. giving people back that feeling of accomplishment, being rewarded, and earning things along the way from bottom to the top..teach the kiddos if one decides to have kids, the value of a hardworking dollar. Money dont grow on trees son..

That's why people would vote , for kamala because easy way for them, makes the losers feel like winners..

Thinking, brainstorming....

[soulful-corner]

Passion.

I came to the realisation at the lovely age of 29 that I was not passionate about anything. I had things that I liked but I never felt the urge to dive deep into them and that scratching the surface was just enough for me. I had the tendency to fake passion in the hopes to stop others from thinking I was boring or shallow.

I enjoyed music but never felt that crave to discover new artists that others always described. I stuck with what I knew and never wanted to move on. I had some interests but I believed I didn't deserve to be called a fan or 'good' at that particular hobby because I never felt the need to invest time into it; knowing just the basics was fine for me.

I started to notice that my life felt empty but I exhausted myself to make it seem like I had passions to ensure the world around me didn't notice I was just an empty shell of myself. Once I became aware of this, my mind started to spiral and I began to question whether I had anything I liked at all, let alone had passion for. Was I just pretending to like these things to make conversations easier? I was living my life in black and white and I was wholly desperate for colour.

I needed to re-evaluate was passion really looked like.

The first step in trying to bring colour to my life, I needed to re-evaluate what passion looked like to me; not how it was to others. For the longest time, I was led to believe that external energy meant passion. I would look at someone bouncing around and chatting nonstop about something and assume they were passionate about it because of their actions - I am not a particularly energetic person, so I came to the conclusion that I'm just not passionate.

However this is just not true. One thing to note about me is that I am neurodivergent (exactly what is yet to be diagnosed) and I struggle with showing my emotions externally. As well as this, I am particularly introverted and it's quite common that introverted people tend not to show as much external energy as those who are extroverted. External energy and passion are different things. This all just means that how we act about passionate things will differ from person to person.

Passion is connected to how you feel internally about something, not our external energy. We therefore cannot compare ourselves to someone else's external show of passion.

Mental health can also play a huge part in what we enjoy. Not enjoying anything at all in the slightest or having any interests at all can sometimes be a sign of depression; especially if we have that empty feeling. I was diagnosed with anxiety and depression at 17 years old and have dealt with it for now over 10 years. I have now learnt my mind's signs that I'm struggling more than usual; I will lose all interest in everything and will want to go into hiding. I enjoy reading and listening to music and I know that when I lose interest in doing those things, I need to ask myself why and pay attention to how to help my mind. Depression can make everything seem pointless and this mindset can make it difficult to pursue your interests and passions.

Passion begins with you.

Do you love yourself and treat yourself with compassion? If you struggle with the lack of self-compassion, it can be hard to try and develop passions because ultimately cultivating a passion means to learn. When you are in that low mindset, learning means to fail, which can lead to telling yourself that you're not good enough and go on to experience guilt and shame.

So if you can't love yourself and find self-compassion, if you feel guilt for not being 'good enough', this can easily prevent you from enjoying your interests and finding potential new hobbies. If you don't try new things, you can't be passionate about them.

Being passionate about something doesn't mean you have to be an expert. I love reading and have found passion in it. This doesn't mean I have to read 200 books a year, or even 5 books a year. If I read just one book that I love and it sparked any kind of joy, that is enough. I don't need to go on and know everything about that book or the author or the fandom; I don't even need to memorise the book and the characters. As long as I enjoyed it and it made me happy to read it, then I can find peace with that.

Passion can be whatever you define it to be for yourself.

[noodle-shenaniganery]

I’m gonna watch Rockabye (as per @foxtail-1311’s recommendation) and document my thoughts. I know it’s Lovecraft related with a cool premise and Fox loved it so much its brain zworped some of the characters, so, I’ve got a good feeling about this!

- Eyo! We got actual subtitles and not just the autogenerated ones! Already impressed.

- “Ladies, gentlemen, etcetera!” Green flag! All the green flags!

- This seems like a small production—decreases the chance of being a cash-grab. Lovely! I like the lighting.

- Funded by the community, probably. Good.

- The starting person with the robe seems really cool! Are they Sushi Soucy?

- “One of my musicals…” what masterpieces are you hiding in your robe. Tell Us.

- Happy birthday to Robe Person!

- Jesus christ, twenty-one musicals is probably a lot of Word documents.

- 👏👏👏👏👏

- oh no the fonts

- One of the ladies sitting in the front has a cool (sun?) flower shirt.

- Love the paper props.

- WOAH, THAT WAS AGGRESSIVE! 😅 Half-expecting Dreamer Person to burst into tears.

- Oh no.

- God, their energy level is amazing. The performer is very funny. Props to them! (Pun intended. Get it, ‘cause they’re holding a prop-)

- I read the description aND ALL HAIL YOG-SOTHOTH! (Joke.)

- The actors are great—even in the way they sit, it’s already showing bits of the characters’ personality. 👏👏

- …autism? ‘Tis thee?

- Yep, little families do be arguin’. I would know, I have one of those.

- Love Adil already.

- “BAM! FIRE!” 😂

- Damn, they jumped so hard the camera shook.

- This is a very unique premise!

- Someone get this gal a notepad.

- “I’m gonna keep going ‘cause I never learned how to stop,” OW, that line hit me right in the gifted kid burnout syndrome!

- Is Regina Starr real?

- The snap! That makes sense! Calypso needs a break, and it hasn’t even been an hour…

- The little “H.P.” on the cup. Love the details.

- Because a lot of people don’t have very good taste, in my humble weirdcore-loving opinion, Calypso.

- Hey, Simon moved his chair! Character development.

- The ringtone they play for the phone calls remind of a performance that I went to once where someone accidentally left their phone connected to one of the loudspeakers, and then they got a call. We didn’t hear it, just the ringtone. Fun times.

- Ey! Aromantic representation!

- “Uniquely human”? You sure about that, my dude?

- My man Bobby has clearly never been stung by a jellyfish.

- It’s odd that they didn’t make a piano prop, but I guess it makes seeing the actors easier.

- Do I smell some lesbianism………….

- DON’T THINK I DON’T NOTICE THE CHAIRS MOVING. YOU GUYS AREN’T SUBTLE. (Not a criticism, by the way.)

- I agree with Marly putting her head in her hands, by the way. If manipulating is part of your therapy process, you probably aren’t doing therapy correctly.

- WoAH! WAS NOT EXPECTING THE EYEBALL CREATURE!

- Wait. Is this going to be a Bobby plot again.

- OH, DAMN, IT WAS BUT NOT IN THE WAY I THOUGHT! W H A T

- Hm. This musical is much more unhinnged than I thought. Great! As the great Azathoth put it, “very entertaining”!

- The eyeball is just. Staring into my soul. I love it and whatever trashbag-ballon-looking stuff they made it from.

- The rocks. I should have guesses the rocks. HOW DID I NOT GUESS WHAT THE ROCKS WERE. AAAAAHHHH NOOOO NOT ADIL!!!!

- “I said ‘leave me’, I was faking!” JESUS CHRIST, HITTING ME IN THE FEELS, MAN!

- The Yog-Sothoth costume. I can’t with the Yog-Sothoth costume. Wheezing over here.

- Why does Yog-Sothoth sound like a stoned character in SNL? What.

- THIS IS NOT THE TIME FOR GAY, XANDER!

- Rotting is already stuck in my head. help

- Simon’s face during Xander’s song. 😂 Understandable.

- How actors repress the urge to burst out laughing during these types of skits, I will never know.

- I am experiencing EMOTIONS sjdgnwosgdvkaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

- THEY BETTER NOT ACTUALLY MAKE OUT, I DO NOT HAVE THE SANITY LEFT FOR THAT—

- 👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏

Well. Uh. Holy shit. I have been forever changed, thanks Fox 👍 .

jesus fucking christ

[webspinning]

hiii

self, for good, intimacy, mentor, social circle, exit, future prima iris, esi, lullabies, strix, embers within the underbrush

as always you don't have to do all of them :>

ohHO HO !!!!!!! heeheehee

Self; Prima Iris - Yes! She very much likes who she is and she knows others do too. Her confidence helps EDIT a lot, in some ways :) ESI - This sad wet man has never had an opinion on themself in their life. I think if FMSS or SNH said they liked who he was he'd be happy and take that as fact for himself, but uh, otherwise, I don't think he thinks about it. They have bigger problems. Lullabies - Likes who they are...kind of? They like how it makes others behave around them but they're not sure they're so sold on the whole showman personality- they'd probably be happier just existing, they show off enough as it is. Embers - Does now! Wasn't really a fan of themself in their very young years, but then again, who is :) they've changed since then, but would like to have a big more emotional regulation. For Good; ESI - They like to think FMSS made them better, but honestly, who knows. Lullabies - Iveya made them better and worse :) Saved from what would have been an unfortunate life, their quality of life definitely improved after she adopted them, but she also made them undeniably worse. Intimacy; Prima Iris - She's alright with flirting, anything beyond that she'd rather not engage in if she doesn't feel an immediate connection. She prefers long-term relationships, though she hasn't had anyone last beyond a few years. ESI - Just for speculation, this one, I think if iterators dated [or if ESI had time to date, rather] they'd prefer long term and probably be confused by flirting. Robot autism + projecting, perhaps? Lullabies - If they weren't taken I think they'd flirt with everyone under the [nonexistent] sun. I might have made them poly, I cannot for the life of me remember, but they like any manner of relationships as long as they're getting lots of attention. Embers - More picky with the person than the length, they're fine with anything but it has to be the right person for them. Mentor; ESI - raised eyebrow. stares at FMSS. They love her with their entire heart, probably more than is good for them because of The Situation. They'd probably die for Fortunes if, uh, if, uhhhm- They get along I think. Hard to put into words how I imagine them. Lullabies - Iveya was more of a mentor than a mother, quite honestly. Akirrhikki also helped them out, mostly with battle related things, and they learned some from Isabeth before she was killed as well. They've had a lot of people teach them various things :) They got along with Isa quite well, Aki was strictly business, and Iveya is the [platonic] love of their life. skipping Social Circle because I don't fully understand it :) Exit - One could consider FMSS' and the abrupt cutoff of communation between her and ESI at her shutdown clumsy even though it wasn't a mistake. It was definitely unintentional on Fortunes part. Future; Lullabies - They look forward to seeing Whisperer whenever they return to Hallownest...unfortunately, uh, there might be some complications there. Oh, and Seething! They're a common visitor to the Troupe tents just to see if they can spot their sibling. Almost the entire Grimm Troupe hates it when they visit because the both of them together are loud and annoying as fuck, but Seething is the class pet of the sorts so nobody can do anything but complain. They swap increasingly boastful [and fake] stories while hanging out, and Lullabies often gives Seething a bottle of the wine they're bringing back for Iveya. Nobody tell her. Thank you for these, I love doing them so much and they help me flesh out some of these ocs :) had to skip Strix because she's so young and doesn't have much development, it made the questions hard to answer

[deardiaryxo1]

Dear Diary,

I've decided to start writing a diary here, a place where I can pour out my emotions and thoughts without fear of anyone ever stumbling upon it. 🤫

High school can be such a whirlwind of emotions, and I desperately need an outlet to put my feelings on something 🫠.

You see, there's this guy that I'm head over heels in love with, but he doesn't even know I exist lol

Every day, I see him walking through the halls, he is year older. He's …..HOOOOOOT. 😱😭 But there's one problem - he already has a girlfriend.🙂

It's hard for me to understand why he's with her. She seems more interested in the idea of dating someone as attractive as him, rather than truly being in love with him. She's the popular girl, the one everyone adores. With her blond hair and blue eyes, people say she's the most beautiful girl in school. But honestly, I don't see it. To me, she just looks like an average popular girl from any other school.

It's frustrating to watch them together, knowing that I could offer him so much more. I see the way he gazes at her, hoping to find a connection that seems to be missing. I yearn for him to see me 😭

But for now, I'll keep my feelings hidden, locked away inside the pages of this diary. I'll continue to watch him from afar, silently cheering him on in my heart. Maybe, just maybe, someday he'll notice me and see beyond the facade of popularity.🫠

Anyways, let’s get to the small twist of this all lol {DRUM ROLL} 🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁

You see, for the past two weeks, I have been talking to him on Facebook, but there's a twist to the story - he doesn't know it's me. 😭😂

Let me explain.

I created a fake Facebook account, using a different name and all info, and approached him with a weird shit story lol I told him that I had seen him around and blah blah blah and surprisingly, he went along with it.

The chats have been going on for two weeks now, and we've developed quite a bond. 🫠 We talk about our days (as if I don’t know his day 🥲). It's quite amusing to listen to him sharing his experiences, knowing I already have insight into his life.

I must admit, it's become a bit of a best friend conversation, despite the fact that most of what I've told him is a lie.

However, amidst all these lies, there is one truth that I've stuck to - my name. I may have created a fake persona, but my name remains unchanged. Perhaps it's because deep down, I believe that honesty should be at the core of any relationship, even if it's built on deception.

I find it intriguing how easily we've formed a connection, despite the dishonesty that lurks behind every message. We seem to have a lot in common, and it's effortless to keep our conversations flowing. Yet, there's a part of me that wonders how long I can maintain this charade without it coming crashing down. 😫

I can't help but wonder how he would react if he discovered the truth. Would he be angry, hurt, or understanding? Would he appreciate our connection enough to overlook the lies I've told? It's a risk that I knowingly took, but now it keeps me up at night, wondering about the potential consequences. 😭

As the days pass, the situation with him becomes increasingly complicated. It seems that he is eager to take our online connection to the next level, suggesting meeting up or casually saying hello in person. This puts me in a precarious position, as I am torn between maintaining the facade and coming clean about my true identity.

Whenever he brings up the subject of meeting, I find myself crafting feeble excuses to avoid the situation. 😩 So far, my excuses have been successful in diverting his attention away from the idea. But deep down, I know that this cannot go on forever. Sooner or later, I will have to confront the truth and make a decision about how to proceed.

Maybe I am selfish but let me say one thing - whatever is going on is better than nothing 🥹

Yours sincerely,

A Hopeful Hearty

[buypsychedelics1]

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Despite the risks, many people still choose to buy LSD in Canada. If you do decide to take the plunge, just be sure to do your research and only buy from a trusted source.

2) The Legality of Buying LSD in Canada

In Canada, it is not currently illegal to purchase LSD. However, it is important to note that there are a number of restrictions on the sale and possession of LSD. For instance, it is illegal to sell LSD without a valid prescription. Additionally, it is illegal to possess LSD for the purpose of selling it. It is also illegal to possess LSD for the purpose of consuming it.

While it is not currently illegal to purchase LSD in Canada, it is important to be aware of the risks associated with taking the drug. LSD is a powerful psychedelic drug that can cause a number of adverse effects, including hallucinations, anxiety, and paranoia. Additionally, LSD can be addictive, and users may develop tolerance to the drug over time.

3) How to Buy LSD in Canada

If you're looking to buy LSD in Canada, there are a few things you need to know. First, LSD is a controlled substance in Canada and it is illegal to possess or distribute without a valid prescription. Secondly, LSD is a Schedule III substance in Canada, which means it has a high potential for abuse and can lead to physical or psychological dependence. Finally, LSD is a controlled substance in Canada and it is illegal to sell, import, or export without a valid prescription.

If you're looking to buy LSD in Canada, the best way to do so is through a licensed dealer. There are a few things to keep in mind when dealing with a licensed dealer, however. First, LSD is a Schedule III substance in Canada, which means it has a high potential for abuse and can lead to physical or psychological dependence. Secondly, LSD is a controlled substance in Canada and it is illegal to sell, import, or export without a valid prescription.

When buying LSD from a licensed dealer, make sure to get a receipt that includes the date, time, and amount of LSD purchased. It is also important to keep in mind that LSD is a Schedule III substance in Canada, which means it has a high potential for abuse and can lead to physical or psychological dependence.

4) The Different Types of LSD Available in Canada

LSD, also known as acid, is one of the most popular drugs in the world. It's a powerful hallucinogenic drug that can produce intense, long-lasting effects. There are different types of LSD available, and each one has its own unique effects.

1. White Light LSD

White light LSD is the most common type of LSD available. It's a pure form of the drug that's typically sold in liquid form. White light LSD is very potent and can produce powerful hallucinations.

2. Blue Light LSD

Blue light LSD is another common type of LSD. It's also a pure form of the drug, but it's typically sold in powder form. Blue light LSD is less potent than white light LSD, but it can still produce strong hallucinations.

3. Green Light LSD

Green light LSD is less common than the other two types of LSD. It's a mix of the two previous types of LSD, and it's usually sold in tablet form. Green light LSD is the least potent of the three types of LSD, but it can still produce mild hallucinations.

4. Yellow Light LSD

Yellow light LSD is the rarest type of LSD. It's a mix of white light LSD and blue light LSD, and it's usually sold in liquid form. Yellow light LSD is more potent than green light LSD, but it's not as potent as white light LSD.

5. Red Light LSD

Red light LSD is the strongest type of LSD. It's a mix of white light LSD and green light LSD, and it's usually sold in powder form. Red light LSD is very potent and can produce intense hallucinations.

5) The Different Strains of LSD Available in Canada

Lysergic acid diethylamide, more commonly known as LSD, is a potent psychedelic drug that has been used for centuries for its ability to induce powerful hallucinations. In recent years, LSD has experienced something of a renaissance, with a new generation of users discovering its potential for spiritual exploration and personal growth.

There are many different strains of LSD available on the market today, each with its own unique effects. Here, we take a look at six of the most popular LSD strains available in Canada.

1. White Lightning: White Lightning is one of the most popular LSD strains available. It is known for its strong visual hallucinations and for its ability to produce powerful spiritual experiences.

2. Blue Heaven: Blue Heaven is another popular LSD strain. It is known for its mellow effects and for producing feelings of euphoria and happiness.

3. Golden Dragon: Golden Dragon is a potent LSD strain that is known for its strong visual hallucinations and for its ability to produce powerful spiritual experiences.

4. Green Dragon: Green Dragon is another popular LSD strain. It is known for its mellow effects and for producing feelings of euphoria and happiness.

5. Red Dragon: Red Dragon is a potent LSD strain that is known for its strong visual hallucinations and for its ability to produce powerful spiritual experiences.

6. Black Magic: Black Magic is the most potent LSD strain available. It is known for its ability to produce powerful hallucinations and for its ability to induce powerful spiritual experiences.

6) The Best Places to Buy LSD in Canada

When it comes to buying LSD, there are a few things that you need to keep in mind. First and foremost, LSD is a Schedule III drug in Canada and is therefore illegal to sell, possess, or use. Secondly, LSD is a very potent drug and should be treated with respect. It is important to start with a very small dose and to increase the dose gradually. Finally, it is important to be in a safe and comfortable environment when taking LSD. With that said, here are the 7 best places to buy LSD in Canada:

1. The Psychedelic Society of Toronto

The Psychedelic Society of Toronto is a non-profit organization that is dedicated to educating the public about psychedelics and their potential benefits. They offer a variety of services, including workshops, support groups, and educational events. They also sell a variety of psychedelics, including LSD.

2. The Vancouver Island Compassion Society

The Vancouver Island Compassion Society is a non-profit organization that provides access to medical cannabis and other natural health products. They also sell a variety of psychedelics, including LSD.

3. The Toronto Psychedelic Society

The Toronto Psychedelic Society is a non-profit organization that is dedicated to education, harm reduction, and community building. They offer a variety of services, including workshops, support groups, and educational events. They also sell a variety of psychedelics, including LSD.

4. The Vancouver Psychedelic Society

The Vancouver Psychedelic Society is a non-profit organization that is dedicated to education, harm reduction, and community building. They offer a variety of services, including workshops, support groups, and educational events. They also sell a variety of psychedelics, including LSD.

5. The Montreal Psychedelic Society

The Montreal Psychedelic Society is a non-profit organization that is dedicated to education, harm reduction, and community building. They offer a variety of services, including workshops, support groups, and educational events. They also sell a variety of psychedelics, including LSD.

6. The Halifax Psychedelic Society

The Halifax Psychedelic Society is a non-profit organization

7) How to Store LSD Once You've Bought It in Canada

If you're looking to buy LSD in Canada, there are a few things you should know about how to store it. LSD is a very potent drug, and it should be stored in a cool, dark place. It should also be kept away from children and pets.

Here are a few tips on how to store LSD:

1. Store LSD in a cool, dark place.

2. Keep LSD away from children and pets.

3. If you are storing LSD for long-term use, consider keeping it in the fridge.

4. Make sure the container you're storing LSD in is airtight.

5. Store LSD in a safe place where it won't be accidentally ingested or mishandled.

With these tips in mind, you should be able to store LSD safely and effectively.

8) The Difference Between LSD and Other Psychedelics

When it comes to mind-altering substances, there is a lot of misinformation out there. So, let's set the record straight: what is the difference between LSD and other psychedelics?

First, it's important to understand that all psychedelics work by altering the brain's neurotransmitters, which affects mood, perception, and cognition. However, each psychedelic has a unique chemical structure that gives it different effects.

For example, psilocybin (the active ingredient in magic mushrooms) is a tryptamine, while LSD is an ergoline. Both of these substances can cause visual and auditory hallucinations, but LSD tends to be more potent and produce more intense effects.

LSD also has a longer duration of action than other psychedelics, meaning that its effects can last for up to 12 hours. This is due to LSD's ability to bind to serotonin receptors in the brain.

Other psychedelics, such as DMT and ayahuasca, work differently than LSD. DMT is a potent psychedelic that is active at very low doses. Its effects are short-lived, however, lasting only 30-60 minutes.

Ayahuasca is a brew that contains the psychedelic substance DMT, as well as an MAOI (monoamine oxidase inhibitor). This combination allows the DMT to be active for a longer period of time, and produces a more intense experience.

So, what is the difference between LSD and other psychedelics? It all comes down to chemistry. Each psychedelic has a unique chemical structure that gives it different effects.

[lycantranny]

2023

Well, it’s over, and we move onto the next course. This year has undoubtedly been the greatest of my life. That might seem like a bold statement, but I can assure you of the genuine sentiment I’m trying to express. I finally had a year that didn’t entail a brief period of glory followed by a swath of dark ruin, or an entire year of emptiness with some brief moments of well needed (if selfishly taken) joy. The development and direction of Heart, my first short film, was absolutely life changing, and I hope it served as a similarly valuable experience for my cast and crew. The folks I worked on that film with are among the greatest of the world as I see it, and I love them with all that I can love with. My journey into therapy and my transition both have played a role in saving my life, actualizing the changes I made at the end of last year, and ultimately giving me this new, fresh chance.

At the start of the year, I was coming off of an experience that reinvigorated my love for film and storytelling, after 2 hard years of losing sight of that and becoming lost. I had met an idol, and I had written my first feature length script. I set out for work to save up a budget for a film called “What Day Is It?”, which later became Heart. Over the next 8 months, I felt more like myself than ever before, I was doing what I loved, and I knew for certain by this point that my life would become meaningless if ever decided for a moment to not dedicate it to storytelling. The people I either met or got to know better by collaborating with them and letting them learn as much as I was learning made me like people again, made me care once again about pathos and human connection. Right after that, I started my transition, and this holiday season has been a great cyclone of emotions. I feel so much more than I did prior to HRT, more than I’ve felt since 5 years ago. Smiles are easier to not have to fake and I’m interacting with the world with one less layer getting in the way and softening impacts.

This isn’t to say there were never spiritual, emotional, or physical challenges. There were, and I want to list them here. Around when the weather began to warm up, I entered a period of extreme anxiety that was spurred solely by the nature of my social life at that stage, and this led me to attend therapy, where I was diagnosed with PTSD. In the summer I had an experience on the set of Heart that is responsible for the final product in every way, because it was the first time a shoot had spiraled out of my control, and I was feeling as spiritually damaged as I could the day after. To everyone that was there, your criticism brought our film to something greater than it would’ve been otherwise. I eventually made a realization about someone I briefly considered a like-minded friend. I experienced a litany of physical predicaments that were completely miserable. Re-realizing that I was transgender, in a lot of ways, only made my dysphoria worse, and in that gray space between coming out to myself and actually transitioning it was often debilitating. But for the first time in so long, these struggles were never anhedonic, they were always truly emotional experiences that I actually felt things over. More than anything, I hate feeling like I’m being bled out by circumstances that I can hardly even figure a cause for, and I’m so glad to be able to say that didn’t happen this year.

As I write this, I’m packing up my bedroom to head off to Olympia to attend The Evergreen State College. I personally count Heart as a full year of college experience, and I think its existence is part of what got me in. I can recall thinking about Evergreen a lot during creative peaks during high school, so here’s to hoping that it goes well.

Thank you everyone. Here’s to 2023. :)