#and even from an outsiders perspective it wouldn't read that way once you get to know them personally

[cavedraconem]

Local Maximums

A while back I read an opinion piece my a woman who was upset about the state of grocery shopping these days. I can't really disagree with the basic premise that food in NZ is too expensive and this causes a lot of trouble for people who are living paycheck to paycheck. And shopping at the supermarket can be pretty stressful for a variety of reasons!

BUT, when the writer started to describe her shopping process... it was a massive odyssey. Of a Saturday she was dragging herself and her kids through multiple different shops - a Pak n Save, a Countdown, a fruit & veggie shop, maybe even a butcher as well - looking for the cheapest everything to stretch her budget, the particular whatever her husband wanted, the brand of snacks that her autistic child would eat. Of course she was sitting in traffic and fighting for parking and struggling with the kids and navigating trolleys at every single one of these locations. It sounded incredibly stressful! And she was incredibly stressed about it by the time she got home (and so were the kids).

"Surely just buying food shouldn't be this difficult?" she cried. And, well... no, I don't think it should be. Obviously I don't know every detail of this woman's life and I probably have extreme DINK privilege, but the ordeal she tried to pose as relatable seemed to me largely self-inflicted. Some of these issues seem trivially solvable: if you know your kid will only eat one type of snack, why wouldn't you just buy ten boxes at once? Can you plan ahead and click & collect any of these shops so you don't have to drag the kids around the supermarket itself? Can you pop out by yourself on a quiet evening?

And then we get into some more speculative cost-benefit questions that will depend on the exact details. Are the vegetables from the fruit & veggie shop cheaper enough to make up for the petrol you spend driving there? (Petrol is also expensive in my beautiful country.) What value do you really place on your time and stress? Is the money saved or the special thing for your husband really, genuinely worth the effort? If you are doing all of this work to save money, could you instead work a bit more to earn more money instead? Add a couple of extra hours a week onto your contract so you can afford to shop at a nicer supermarket or get groceries delivered, and save that much time or more on the weekend, plus less screaming from your children.

(By the way, I got that last idea from an old flatmate of mine. His philosophy was that it was better for him to work an extra hour every night and get takeaways for dinner than to spend that hour cooking something cheaper but not very good. I would have been more convinced by this [and his related opinions about division of labour] if he hadn't been allowing his PhD student girlfriend to cook him literally three meals a day.)

Anyway, this writer spectacularly failed to make her problems relatable to me, but there probably is something to be learned here. It's about how easy it is to reach a local maximum in your life: where you look at what you're doing and think, this is the best way I could possibly be doing it. But you're wrong! Maybe you've optimised your routine along one axis (e.g. cost) but totally neglected other axes (e.g. time/stress). You're making tradeoffs that you don't realise you're making. Things that you think are non-negotiable might actually be pretty easy to compromise on. It can take an outside perspective and a bit of convincing or experimentation to even realise that other possibilities exist, and maybe some of them are even better than what you're doing now.

So, in the end it's a good reminder to me to question my routines and ask whether I've trapped myself in any local maximums. What is stressing me out now that could be easier? Does everyone else have so much trouble with this? What opportunities am I missing? Surely it shouldn't be this difficult?

[sukibenders]

Me, trying to come up with a plot that accurately reflects the complexity and dynamics that are Annabeth's and her father's relationship with one another, as well as her feelings towards his new family, because while there is love there, how much necessarily? Not enough, to be assumed, because Annabeth ran away when she was seven and, with Luke's description of her in the books at the time he and Thalia found her, she wasn't in the best condition. Reading about how monsters tracking on to her scent and made her a target was the cause for many fights between her and parents, all of which was before she ran away and reads, personally to me, as a pair of adults blaming their young child, but these are also supposedly the same parents who, when discovering that she was in danger, actively wished for her well-being and, in her father's case, put themselves in harms way to go rescue her alongside her more than equipped friends, something, something, I could go on!

[dceasesd]

why juni ba’s the boy wonder has my favorite jason characterization of any contemporary comic run: a needlessly in-depth analysis (pt.3)

go check out part 1 and part 2 if you'd like! this is a long one, sorry guys.

if you haven't already i'd recommend you check out pt. 1 & pt. 2 (linked above), but if you haven't checked them out i've been going over some of the main things people have been criticizing ba's characterization for: 1. the typical boiling down of jason's character to "the angry one" 2. his lack of strategy going into the fight with the demon is out-of-character 3. the neighbor's kid interaction

alright, so this last point is purely based off of one page of the entire comic: the one where the child of one of jason's neighbors is dragged inside his home when his mother see's jason coming.

first off, i love this page. it might be my favorite page in the entire issue. everything about it is great. just thought i needed to say that.

anyway, there's some people who are seeing this page and reading it as "jason protects kids! that's one of his big things! why are they scared of him?"

here's the thing, though: the kid isn't scared of jason, the mom is. the kid is literally playing dress up as the red hood-- he's not scared of jason, if anything he's trying to replicate him. little kids dress up as their heroes all the time; why is this kid any different? it doesn't really make sense for the kid to dress up of something he's scared of (not everyone is as weird bruce wayne), especially a real person that could be a real threat rather than a concept. i doubt you see many kids in gotham dressing up as the joker or something, because that's just asking for trouble.

the dress-up honestly seems like a ploy for attention to me. the kid clearly knows that red hood lives in his building (which is honestly so funny. take off the mask jason you're giving you're position away (actually this is a really good instance for analysis but i'm determined to not go on a tangent)). if the kid knows red hood lives in his building, what better way to get his attention that dressing up as him and playing pretend? if the kid was scared of him, he wouldn't want to draw that sort of attention to himself. if he had a sort of hero-worshippy thing going on like i suspect, then he would want to get jason's attention. to sum it up,

it's the mom who pulls him away when jason nears, because she either a) perceives him as a threat, b) doesn't want her kid to try and replicate him even more, or, the most likely option, both! the kid isn't scared of him, but the mother believes they should be.

once again, we come back to the whole perception vs. reality theme i talked about in part one! we've come full circle, everyone!

when looking at the neighborhood's perspective of the red hood, ba gives us a few contradictory examples. there's the kid and the mother, obviously, but there's also a slew of other citizens who interact with him at the beginning of the issue, both in fear and camaraderie.

the unhoused man and the people outside of his building clearly have a familiarity and are comfortable with him, while the shopkeeper is terrified and literally has a banned poster on his wall featuring jason (i am so curious what he did to deserve that, if he even did anything at all). from this, it appears that jason's reputation teeters between fearful and familiar-- a sentiment that also colors jason's relationship with his family.

furthermore, this concept underscores just how lonely jason is-- one of the only good relationships he had in his current life was his fucking landlord, for gods sake, and he's dead.

i think it's important to note that jason doesn't respond to the friendly greetings from the men-- he could attempt to build camaraderie, the roots are there, but he chooses not to. he could work to try and show the mother that her son is safe with him, but he chooses not to. why? jason is obviously lonely (as ba states in the panel below) and he caves pretty easily when damian asks him for help (both of them are so desperate for human interaction its tragic). so why does he distant himself from the community?

obviously it is in part due to the vigilante lifestyle, but it is also jason's perception of himself and how he believes others perceive him, especially in regards to his family (ba is literally hitting readers in the head with that theme baseball bat).

he doesn't see that the kid with the mask looks up to him, all he sees is the mother pulling him away. he sees the banned poster in the store. and, as ba narrates, "he was sure he'd been forgotten about" by his family. utrh is jason's twisted way of attempting to reach out and connect with bruce, and obviously that doesn't work-- so he chooses loneliness over rejection.

like in part one, though, damian refutes this idea by describing bruce's perspective, showing how what jason believes differs from actuality. bruce hasn't forgotten about him and doesn't hate him, as he suspected, but instead harbors guilt over the situation and desires to make it better, which jason must come to understand to be able to open the locked door and begin to move past his trauma.

so, that's what the little kid in the red hood outfit looks like to me. i actually have a lot more i'd like to say about the boy wonder, especially in regards to the whole "door to my past life" thing and what ba does with lighting and blocking in his artwork, so i may do a little post on that as well! i was gonna try and shove it into this one, but i've run out of room! i hope you guys liked my analysis, if you'd like to chat about the boy wonder or any other comics, my dms, asks, and reblogs are happily open! thanks for reading! :)) <3

pt. 1 / pt. 2

[deerspherestudios]

Hello! 😊 I wanted to add onto the what-if mind reader scenario and further ask about what kind of person would this kind of Michael be able to end up wanting as a partner and what would enable him to trust them. I find this version of him really intriguing and I have a few ideas of my own of what he could want: Someone who is incredibly honest, and finds it difficult to lie - overall an open book. It would possibly allow him to gradually ease up and trust them as they are always easy to read, and he can finally not always heavily rely on reading someone's thoughts for once when he is around them allowing him to further relax. Someone very sincere and genuine especially in their empathy and has a lot of it. Considering all of the bad thoughts and intentions he has heard, he is probably going to need to hear a lot of kind and genuine words to be able to believe them to be true; even if they are already there in that person's thoughts. Being kind, gentle and slow as well as predictable, in general movements and also getting closer to him. I would imagine that he has had to face a lot of aggression as he wouldn't have the ability to force things to be peaceful like in the original version and has a great deal of paranoia. So, he would be less on edge and find comfort in a pattern of actions as well as being slow allows him more time to react and feel overall safer - he also has more layers to protect himself so it would be ideal with someone who would be able to take things slow to allow him to open up on his own time. Someone who is an optimist and has a very stubbornly nurturing, motherly/fatherly kind of personality as well as some naivety and clumsiness. I think his desire to be alone comes from the pessimism that formed from his experiences overall so I think it would probably help him heal and give him hope to have an optimistic way of viewing life - or at the very least be able to find a way to see things in a better light even if he wouldn't agree with the perspective. I also think having them being stubbornly nurturing as a core part of their personality would probably be somewhat necessary for this version to have a story between the two, where the person would be stubborn in getting to help him out and also him feeling reassured that this person is safe and not violent, as that would be a core part of their personality. Additionally, having some naivety with optimism would allow for an interesting clash of personalities between the two; and at the same time when he opens up more them being more clumsy and naive would also encourage him to want them around more to help them out and protect them like they helped him.

I hope I was able to provide some interesting ideas that you could enjoy! 😊 and I hope you have a wonderful rest of your day 😌✨✨

For context! That's honestly a pretty good analysis of his character and on the kind of person he'd fall for! Honesty is policy and it's not just on the outside; you have to mean it with your whole being when you say that you don't find him disgusting.

Not a single doubt, not a single hesitance. Perhaps some trace of delusion but he'll take any niceties he can get. Thank you so much for the ideas!!!

[raven-at-the-writing-desk]

Can we have bestfriend headcanons for rollo please???? i need to be friends with this guy so bad you don't understand

***Warning: Glorious Masquerade spoilers in the final few headcanons!***

Curiouser and Curiouser...

The best way to sum up this relationship is that Rollo is the mom friend, and you are his child. (If you were to ask Rollo, he would say you're an idiot, but you're his idiot.)

From an outsider's perspective, it's hard to tell that you're friends at all. He always has that hard-to-read face on him, plus those grimaces he gets whenever the slightest annoyance or inconvenience makes itself known.

You've gotten used to his quirks though, so you can read his emotions a lot better than most. When the corners of his mouth twitch, that's him trying to smile! When he taps a finger against his arm? He's thinking hard about something.

He dislikes it when you call him "bestie" (so, of course, you make sure to do it often). Rollo corrects you with his name each and every time.

He finds physical affection just as repulsive. Rollo's constantly shying away from your touch, insisting that it's unhygienic and immodest to even so much as brush shoulders by accident.

There was an incident when you hugged him once and he got oddly quiet, then asked "... What is this?" to which you had casually responded, "Affection."

"Disgusting," Rollo had declared, handkerchief to his nose. "... Do it again."

He's one of those old-fashioned people who insists on keeping in contact via letters and cards instead of text messages, email, and/or social media. Rollo claims that stuff "rots your brain cells" and "promotes a vain, degenerate lifestyle".

You thought it silly and inefficient at first, but over time you've come to appreciate the time and thought that comes with each letter. Receiving a note from Rollo is the best part of your day--you love catching up with him and sending him back updates of your very own.

He's a busy guy and follows a strict schedule, so more often than not you're the one that's following him around as he does his various tasks. You lend him a hand too, though Rollo takes care to not burden you too much. These are his responsibilities, so he should take charge of them.

You occasionally climb up the bell tower with him (the view up there is amazing!) and all the gargoyles clamor to greet you. Rollo has to remind them not to overwhelm the guest.

When there is time, you sit down at a cafe and share a meal. Rollo introduces you to his favorite places and makes recommendations (though he usually gets the exact same thing). You try to push him to vary up his diet a bit more, tearing off pieces of your own lunch or offering him bites of whatever it is you're having (even though he insists he'll have none of that).

One day, you caught Rollo parading through the streets on horseback. He introduced his steed to you, instructing you on how to safely pat it and feed it an apple from your hand. The horse seemed to like you, so Rollo hoisted you up and let you ride it around the city for the rest of the day.

He's still not very good at expressing himself. When you sense that he's feeling down in the dumps, it takes quite a bit of coaxing to get him to talk about it with you (if at all). In his mind, he shouldn't be troubling others with his own matters.

Sometimes you're not successful at convincing him to open up, so you settle for giving a gentle reminder that you'll be there for him no matter what. You wouldn't want to push him to talk when he's not ready to!

... On the other hand, when Rollo wants to talk, he'll rant and rave for what seems like forever. You patiently nod your head and listen to everything he spews out, from his express hatred of a certain lizard to how the local goats almost ate his stationary set.

There are rare times, though, when Rollo shares his passions and ambitions with you. The relaxing gardening he has been doing as of late, how beautiful the Bell of Salvation is today, his plans for the future... It's in these moments that you can truly appreciate how solemn and thoughtful he can be.

Rollo often nags you for little things: there's a crease in your shirt, your room is slightly messy, there's a hair out of place, etc. But hey, it's fine. You know he does it lovingly, even if the comments come with a slight frown.

He also tends to lecture you about your own safety, often warning you to keep away from "suspicious individuals" (and, of course, mages). Rollo lets you know that if anyone gives you trouble, you should inform him right away and he'll come storming over to give them hell. Yes, he's the overprotective friend that will throw himself into the crossfires to defend your honor--

This man comes to hangouts with everything you could possibly need in case of an emergency. Got a scrape? Boom, first aid kit. (He even patches you up personally.) Hands dirty? Hand sanitizer and wet wipes for the rescue. You start calling him “dad” as a joke every time he produces exactly what you need.

Rollo has the tendency to (sternly) speak up for you, especially in cases when you're too meek to speak up for yourself. It has big "EXCUSE ME! They asked for no pickles" energy.

Once a year, you join Rollo for a very special trip. You always stop by the same florist's shop, always watch him select the same bouquet of white lilies, always walk quietly alongside him down to the local cemetery. You don't follow him to the grave, but you let him know he can take as long as he needs with the visit, that you'll wait for him at the gates.

You watch the clouds slowly pass by and the sky change colors from cornflower blue to the shades of sunset. Night has started to trickle in when you hear his approaching footsteps. The flower bouquet is gone, deposited as an offering to a boy that has become one with the stars.

Rollo emerges, and you pretend to not notice the wetness to his eyes, the silvery shine upon his cheeks. You know if you point it out, he'll only become defensive and deny it.

"Ready to go?" you ask every year.

"... Yes," he replies, just the same as always. (Rollo will then try to subtly wipe away at his tears.) "Thank you for accompanying me. I do apologize for imposing on your time."

"Don't," you tell him. "I've always got your back, just like you've always got mine. That's what friends are for, right?"

[oodlyenough]

I've been thinking a lot about how fandom attitudes towards female characters shift, and how a lot of the outright hatred that was once prevalent now is replaced by "girlboss" "mom friend" "only braincell" type discourse... and also about the Hawthorne twins and what I see of them in fandom vs canon.

It's interesting to me that I see a lot of what feels like a fandom desire to rehabilitate Dahlia as a character from a feminist perspective, sometimes taken as a given that her canon material was bad, when ...tbqh I don't really feel that she needs it. If I think of characters wronged by their canon text, Dahlia wouldn't make the list. Even a surface-level reading of Dahlia is, imo, a compelling character, with clear motivations, consistent behaviour, agency. She's funny and memorable. You can dig deeper into speculation and headcanon territory with Dahlia (and I totally get the impulse, she's great and there's lots of potential there) but I don't think you need to do that to make her a solid character, I think she already is. I don't think she's any less complex than the other trilogy villains, and if anything she's a lot more complex already than someone like Engarde, and on par with Von Karma.

On the other hand, I think Iris got some paper-thin writing as "the good twin" and, let's be honest, a feeble attempt to set up a heterosexual romance for Phoenix which gets dropped in subsequent games anyway. There are interesting possible complexities to tease out of Iris, just as with Dahlia; Iris facilitates or participates in some pretty messed-up things, but Phoenix and the story are very forgiving, which just flattens her out further into Good Twin. I don't think the canon is very interested in Iris outside of her role as plot twist doppelganger and occasional blush sprite... and mostly it seems the fanon Iris gets in response is to quadruple down on those things. She's pure and kind and sweet, besties with Phoenix, their relationship is cast as something wholesome and innocent, despite the uh objective reality of it.

What about the Iris who helps her sister plan harebrained criminal schemes only to back out at last second, the Iris who fell in love with Feenie despite herself and yet continued to lie and place him in danger for eight months, who watched Dahlia get a death sentence without ever coming clean ... Those things are the aspects that would make her a multidimensional character, imo, but they're ignored and/or glossed over in the story and (what I've seen of) fandom. And I don't say this to mean that she's evil or irredeemable or something, she isn't -- just that the basic fact of her actions is a lot messier than is usually acknowledged, by canon or fanon. For the canon I think the reasons are obvious and not flattering; for fandom, I think the intentions are generally positive, trying to correct for the opposite end of the spectrum (and 20 years ago the attitude was probably quite different), but I still wish female characters were given more space to be complicated in ways that include being kind of fucked up actually.

[chiisana-sukima]

Oh when you used to sing it to sleep

@jinkieswouldyoulookatthis and @blue-chimera - thank you both for your kind and thoughtful replies to my reblog of this post. The og post is getting quite long and also I don't want to put too much writing effort into a reblog that's susceptible to disappearance, so I'm continuing here instead.

I agree with you both that Dean's parentification and Sam's continued acceptance of vs rebellion against it as an adult are an important part of their dynamic. Dean's dying words in the finale attest to this beautifully (as well as many other things throughout the course of the show); I love you so much, my baby brother. To a certain extent Sam is Dean's baby and always will be.

I think though to a large extent, the framing by both Sam and Dean of Dean as Sam's parentified elder sibling is a mutually employed, mostly cooperative sanitization of the central and most damaging aspect of the roles they internalized through their upbringing: Sam is a monster and Dean is the tool to "take care of" it (double reading of "take care of" 100% intentional on my part). Because of this, while readings of spn through the lens of Dean's parentification are definitely valid, I do think they sometimes risk distorting or leaving out important aspects of the characters' personalities, motivations, and relationship.

Jinkies, in my fruitless quest to process without reblogging a take I knew the OP wouldn't appreciate, I had listened to the interview before posting, and I think while Jensen is being flip, he's also getting at what he sees as a truth in the brothers' relationship. I think he's right from a Doylist/co-creator/actor's perspective--Sam is the protagonist who we see through Dean, the deuteragonist's, eyes. Dean, as a piece of the narrative artifact, Supernatural, is there to save Sammy in a way that Sam (up to that point anyway) is not a piece of the narrative artifact whose purpose is to save Dean. From a Watsonian/in-universe perspective though, I think he's mistaken, and that his mistake is the reason his take sounds uncharitable, even aside from the flippant part.

It's just not a very convincing analysis imo to frame a character who spends the first few seasons rejecting immoral power, the next few in an arc that ends with him willingly subjected himself to eternal torture for the good of the world, and the one after that intending to sacrifice himself dramatically to rid the world of one particular species of monster but doesn't because Dean asks him not to, as self-absorbed or not particularly concerned with his effect on others, including on his brother. Likewise, Dean holds up well as a parentified older sibling with no sense of internal self and abysmal self-esteem in some ways, but in others not so much. He does have interests and priorities and a sense of purpose outside Sam. They're all over spn every day, much more so in fact than Sam's are. They're just not enough to override his Sam prioritization.

The main place I think this analysis fails on Dean's side though is that he, as an adult, is just not a very good parent. Obviously as a child he couldn't be expected to be a good parent (or a parent at all) and as an adult he's already damaged and so it's understandable that if big brother-ing Sam is how he chooses to spend the rest of his life, he may still not be equipped to do it. But he fails on such a fundamental, obvious level at the the most basic aspects of parenting--providing safety, unconditional love, and preparing your child to go out into the world as an independent adult--in ways that once he's a grown up are absolutely within his power to at least attempt (for example: if he wants Sam to be safer, it would ultimately have failed because of Fate, but the logical thing to do first would be not hunt. Dean could've followed Sam to Palo Alto. He could've told him to go to Harvard Law if he can't tolerate Stanford after Jess dies. Could've refused to support him throwing his life away of a mission of revenge. Bought him his own car, encouraged him to have his own tastes. Told him convincingly that trusting Ruby was a bad decision but Lucifer is still not his fault).

None of that is meant to be insulting to Dean though, because I don't think that parenting Sam is Dean's real job--even from Dean's perspective--and I don't think his real job is palatable enough that it would be better for either of them if he admitted what it is head on. What his and Sam's real jobs both are imo is being a container for Sam. On Dean's side, this means holding Sam in his arms with love or if that's not enough, holding him in the panic room, which, from this perspective, is also an act of love. Substituting his judgement for Sam's is an act of love. Not encouraging Sam to hold his own interests first or to grow towards independence are acts of love. Given the nature of (what I believe to be) Dean's actual job, they are effective and competent acts of love undertaken under impossible circumstances, even if the results are sometimes pretty horrific. Because they're still better than the alternative.

Likewise on Sam's side, doing his job well means being a model monster--go to an Ivy, exercise, eat healthy, cultivate empathy, don't have desires of your own, hold yourself to an impossible standard, suppress your anger, kill other monsters when they get out of line. And in the moments he can't manage all that--because who can?-- submit to Dean. When he does those things, he's succeeding at his job, and while it would be nice if "let your brother hit you" or "jump in the Cage with Lucifer" wasn't his job, in the world of spn, it is. He is right to be contained by Dean and wrong to have opinions or priorities of his own unless Dean approves them first.

I do think this sometimes ends up looking like Sam has better self-regard, because Dean's job is to "take care of" Sam, and Sam's job is also to "take care of" Sam. But actually they both have absolutely abysmal shit self-esteem. "I should submit to eternal torture because it's my fault someone else is going to do terrible things he could choose not to do if he wanted" is not the thinking of a person with healthy self-regard. The reason neither of them could fill a thimble with their self-esteem or healthy boundaries imo is because neither "monster" nor "blunt instrument" is a person. Neither of these roles is better or more healthy than the other. Fundamentally, if you don't see yourself first and foremost as a human person, then your life is going to suck horribly. And neither of them see themselves that way.

[abyssal-author-and-artist]

Pacifica Northwest is transmasc and you can't change my mind

Okay. That sounds insane. I am aware. It sounds insane to me. But fuck it - I already did the trans Dipper rant essay and so I'll do the same with trans Pacifica.

So Pacifica grows up rich with very oppressive parents. She's clearly a child of abuse who likely has no sense of identity. She's forced to fit a strict mold of The Perfect Daughter. Someone who is perfect and demure and pristine and womanly and who has to wear the right color dress and can't just wear something close enough because otherwise she gets something implied to be very bad.

Put another way: A kid is forced to be exactly perfect and the definition of whatever their gender is. They are not allowed to deviate from that definition in the least otherwise Bad Things happen. They're scared to even be slightly different.

Sound familiar? Because a lot of trans kids go through the same thing. A lot of trans femme people have to play with the Boy Toys because otherwise they're a flower boy and that's bad (which in itself is bad because flower boy is old slang for gay/derogatory as well as gender expression and identity being different but it also hurts trans people). A lot of transmasc people have to play dress up because if they don't there's Something Wrong with them.

I am more than 90% certain that it wasn't intentional, but looking at Pacifica through the lens of someone who tried to do a Boy Thing once and was forced to be hyperfemme for the rest of their life is just so good to me.

Pacifica embodies a lot of toxic girl tropes. You've heard of toxic masculinity, now get ready for toxic femininity - she's petty and superficial and puts too much stock in appearances. Which, granted, is a thing that happens in girl friend groups - I've seen it happen many times - but it reads as different to me. This isn't malice, Pacifica has been shown to be a good person (The Golf War, Northwest Mansion Mystery). She cares for those around her and often only acts the way she does because she has to. Any time she tries to speak up, she gets ruthlessly shut down. She has to be what her parents want, when they want, how they want. If she doesn't, she gets punished.

Yes, Pacifica shows up to every event dressed femme. But who drove her to those events? Who has their claws in every aspect of the town? Who would hear about anything that happens in Gravity Falls? Who buys her clothes? Her parents. And if her parents - who, again, are likely abusive - want her to be and dress like their perfect little girl, their hyperfemme daughter, then she will. She has to be.

From a writing perspective, Pacifica is made to be the opposite of Mabel. One loves fun and color and chaos, is nice no matter what. The other is sitting outside this room and named Pacifica Northwest. But looking at it like that, why wouldn't Pacifica be trans? Especially if Mabel is transfemme - which is a fun reading of her and one that I love to see. It's not canon but think about it. If Mabel is transfemme then Pacifica - her inverse - would be transmasc. The other end of the spectrum.

But now I need real evidence, right? My transmasc Dipper essay was built on much more than "this is behavior seen in a lot of trans people just generally". I pointed out specific scenes in specific episodes - though I forgot Carpet Diem, which is fascinating and which I could so make an essay on by itself. Can I do that for Pacifica?

Well, the short answer is no. The best evidence I have is a general hand-wave at her behavior and environment and "this just reads as transmasc to me". Which, to be completely fair, is how headcanons work. They don't necessarily need any degree of proof. It's nice and it can help people to agree with you, but in the end, it doesn't matter. I can say I headcanon anything, and because it's a headcanon, you can't do shit about it. If I say Pacifica is transmasc beyond a shadow of a doubt, then you can challenge me.

To be fair, I did say that. The title of this is literally "Pacifica is transmasc and you can't change my mind", I will take that I was making claims. But also I immediately followed that up with "it sounds insane to me" so I should hope we all know that I'm going into headcanons-based-on-the-text territory.

And I'm never going to attack someone over a headcanon that makes someone feel seen, and I'd hope that holds true for everyone. I like Pacifica as transmasc and forcing herself into the box of cis female when it's wrong because I did the same. I love transmasc Pacifica. I love the idea of Pacifica and Dipper hanging out and him telling her that he's trans and Pacifica just kinda goes "you can do that? But then why doesn't everyone? Being a girl kinda sucks - there's girl drama and dresses and girl puberty and all that stuff. Everyone would be a guy if they could" and Dipper gives her The Look and says "Pacifica Northwest, that is the most trans thing I have ever heard".

In conclusion, I headcanon trans masculine Pacifica Northwest. Still workshopping a chosen name for him but I do, and I love him. It's all silly fun headcanoning a children's cartoon character as trans and it hurts no one. And it doesn't even affect a lot of the things I'll do. I have one fic that will hint at it and one that will treat it as the main center of the story planned. (It will be a part of my AU but not a major part and I'm also playing with the thought of gender-fluid Pacifica for Divine Falls. It's entirely ignorable and will not affect anything related to the main AU's plot.)

Yes I referred to Pacifica as she/her for most of this essay but it was referring to a pre-realization Pacifica who isn't out yet and thus would convince herself that she was uncomfortable with he/him pronouns and therefore calling them he/him would be wrong until he came out.

[chaos-of-the-abyss]

This is what I mean when I say this fandom has an incredible Noldor bias and insists on twisting everything so the Feanorians come out looking as charitable as possible, because the accusations that Thingol/Dior/Elwing knew they'd be condemning the Feanorians to the Void to keep the Silmaril and it was therefore justified that the Feanorians attacked Doriath and Sirion rely on some truly nonsense assumptions. How would those three know about the oath? Even if they did hear that it was a thing, how would they have the information that the Feanorians believe they'll be sent to super hell if they don't get the Silmarils back? AND even if they somehow did have this info, the oath literally says the Feanorians will come for whoever comes in contact with the Silmaril, regardless of what they do with it afterwards. On top of all that, I've seen people claim that the Feanorians "begged" Thingol/Dior/Elwing to give them the Silmaril, which, lmfao. These people read Tumblr metas and decided that counted as reading the Silm.

i don't have much to add here anon, just a resounding "yeah." i mean, maybe thingol has heard about the oath through some hearsay from beren, who received vague tidbits from finrod, but regardless, that eternal damnation business is definitely not something he'd be aware of. doubtful that finrod, or anyone outside of the feanorians themselves and their followers, know about that. and it's even more nonsense to say that dior or elwing would have any way of hearing the details of the oath. and!!! like you said! i don't usually find myself including this in my arguments because, as i've said, thingol and dior and elwing wouldn't know what exactly the oath stipulates anyway -- but it quite literally says "neither law, nor love, nor league of swords, dread nor danger, not doom itself, shall defend him from feanor, and feanor's kin, whoso hideth or hoardeth, or in hand taketh, finding keepeth or afar casteth a silmaril." it doesn't matter what this person does afterward -- whether they keep or cast away a silmaril once they have it, the feanorians are going to go after them.

and as for that third point specifically -- that's the most egregious, imo. it's always hilarious to see people act like the feanorians were any iota of polite or diplomatic, let alone humbled themselves and begged, when dealing with thingol, or dior, or elwing. seriously, the way the word "unreasonable" is hurled at those three specifically is something else considering for whose defense the accusation is made in the first place. on the feanorians' part -- zero attempts at reparations made for the murder, kidnapping, and attempted rape. zero indications that they give a fraction of a fuck about any of the teleri. and from the perspective of the iathrim/inhabitants of sirion, zero indications that they are even decent enough people who would honor their own terms and leave doriath/sirion alone if the silmaril is surrendered. as per the text, straight up negative indications that they ever, lmfao, acted with any type of respect towards thingol or dior or elwing, all people whose family they have sorely wronged. towards thingol we get that they "reminded him of haughty words of their claim," and that their words were "proud and threatening." to dior we don't get specifics, but the text does say explicitly that they "sent to him to claim their own," which certainly doesn't make it sound like they were being tactful about it. to elwing and sirion they send messages "of friendship and yet of stern demand." begging? begging where? diplomacy where? attempts to acknowledge their wrongs and make even the barest offer of amends where? yet thingol and dior and elwing, the ones whose families were their victims -- the ones whose kin were murdered, kidnapped, and/or almost raped by them -- are the unreasonable and unfair ones. they are the ones who should have acted differently, and upon whom every bit of blame and culpability lies. the poor sad feanorians are tormented and tragic as they're forced to *checks notes* make good on their own oath to murder innocents which they chose to swear long before anyone other than morgoth was in possession of the silmarils. they tried sooo hard (except no they did not) but those big mean bigoted bullies thingol, dior, and elwing were just too mean and bigoted to listen to them and they had no other choice. they were forced to commit mass murder. boohoo.

so yeah, anon. "relies on some truly nonsense assumptions" is an accurate way to put it. nah, i'd say it's even a nice way to put it, because fucking stupid is what it is

[taeloke]

Overanalyzing 4KOTA Chapter 142 instead of just waiting for more info (2/2)

Part 1

This is the part where I talk about King and no one else. Also, this is more ramble than analysis by the end, and I'm making myself not worry about length this time, so...you have been warned :) As for Mertyl, I'll definitely talk about him again over the next chapter, though I might not say as much as I did the first time.

Firstly, look at this face. Remember all those seasons ago, when everything was peaceful for like a single week? How sweet and thoughtful this little guy was, especially against his own personal wishes?

This is King--regardless of how he's like on the outside.

Elaine herself described him as someone who tries to act tough but is really a crybaby. He's someone who can't seem to stop wearing his heart on his sleeve. He always tries to hide his feelings to keep everyone else from worrying, but try as he might, anyone will see through his "tough act" if they're around him for long enough. Awakened or not, he's not King if he's not a highly emotional character like that. He's just a lot better at putting a cover over those feelings now. He's grown up for real.

If you read these last few 4KOTA chapters without remembering the original Seven Deadly Sins story, it only makes sense to look at him more like an ass of a father right now. There's a lot to his perspective that we just haven't gotten to witness yet, and one of the easiest conclusions to make from all of that unknown space is "King loves Nasiens more than the adopted son he raised." For crying out loud, he's giving an immensely scarce cure-all to a young man who introduced himself as a human without an explanation for why Myrtel hasn't received it yet. We don't even know for sure if he's tried using the Drug of Yore to treat Myrtel's condition in the past right now.

There's just one problem about that conclusion: King isn't like that at all. It only looks like he is because this family drama is fatally poisoned with tension and misunderstandings at this point. It's starting to explode.

Remember how way back in the series, King first thought Diane without her memories of him would be better off without him at all?

I think that's a lot similar to what he's thinking with Nasiens right now. If King didn't play a part in their present happiness, then what right does he have to want their love? He'd label that as too greedy or selfish in a way that he can't allow himself to be. He thinks he knows his place, and that place is somewhere forever distanced from his first-born kid.

But he can't just do nothing for Nasiens. Maybe just one totally subtle yet significant expression of love can slide, right? What could he, seemingly as nothing more than a ruler, possibly give to Nasiens to make him happy? Maybe if he gives Nasiens just one perfect gift, Harlequin will feel like he was good for his son at least once. He'll feel like he's finally atoned for losing Nasiens for too long and failing him as a father, and then he can let that "sin" go. Surely, Nasiens wouldn't be happy knowing the truth anyway. He'll be better off never learning about his true relations, since he's built his life without it already. Assuming that "logic" is what King's going through, a lot of his actions make sense to me.

And yet he still almost slipped up and spilled the beans.

Nice save, King, but if you gave Nasiens more time to think he would have realized what you really meant. Tioreh gave him time to realize she believed he's a fairy and his initial freeze then was the exact same.

None of this is easy for King. It isn't easy for any of them. In some ways, those past 2 years must have felt like forever to him. Precious time to have his first-born kid around that he'll never get back. And after 2 years of keeping distance...

"Sorry, I couldn't help but follow you."

"I just wanted to help you out, in any way I could."

King can't keep his distance anymore. His true feelings are starting to break free.

"Hee hee... Don't be shy, now. I just want to be of assistance."

Sure, King. Saying it like that totally doesn't make it sound like there's more to this, even with your confident/amused chuckle.

Of all the gifts he could give Nasiens, I'm sure King believed this was the one thing Nasiens couldn't refuse to accept from him. A powerful healing drug that he advertised as one-of-a-kind and a once-in-a-millennium opportunity. With it presented not only as that, but also as something that might bring Percival back, how could Nasiens reject such a gift? Right?

...And then Nasiens rejects the gift. Immediately, King gets so nervous that he breaks character.

He immediately started sweating too. King prepared everything up to this moment, and he has no excuse as Nasiens questions him and calls him out.

And Nasiens is right to call him out because of how this looks.

Nasiens, just like us, doesn't yet know what the truth here is. He's right to be suspicious and King needs to realize that plans in how the changeling duo is handled need to change right now. Ready or not--telling the truth is the only way to save what's actively starting to cave in.

But the sad thing is...I have a feeling that it's too late already.

Things are only going to get worse from here... I don't know how, and in a way that makes this feel more awful.

Sixtus should tell King that Mertyl saw him offer the Drug of Yore to Nasiens. There's no doubt in my mind that King will realize the problem once he has that information and try to do whatever he can to make things right. PLEASE don't make him too late again. At least give him a chance to talk to Mertyl before things fall apart if that's where all of this is headed.

[evanox]

On a scale from king/queen of the party to shy awkward wallflower, where would you personally place a good match for each of the M4 of Last Legacy when it comes to a partner? Or what kind of traits do you think, a suitable partner might need?

{HELLO sorry I never responded to your requests I kinda completely gave up on LL BUT I was trying to find something and saw this was already fully written and it was a shame to leave it rotting here}

ooo that's a fun q thank you!! I hope I understood it right!!

m.list

Felix

Felix himself has always been a wallflower at parties. Sure, as a toddler, he'd eat up the praises of nobles as his fathers showed off the gifted kid they were so proud of, but he tired out quickly so Florian would rush him to bed before little Fe got too cranky and his magic started going haywire.

He still doesn't enjoy the balls—the nobility's massive egos far too stifling, only rivaled by the clothes his father made him wear.

Even in a modern setting, he wouldn't enjoy parties that are too loud and crowded. Felix might just hide in the kitchen to read a book or find the host's cat, only emerging from the shadows when it's time for truth or dare (he always picks dare, and it's beginning to get scary for others because there's almost nothing he'd say no to).

Felix finds himself more drawn to other wallflowers; even if you don't talk, you can at least look at each other with understanding before moving on.

It's great to have a partner who understands when Felix needs out. Hell, he might actually enjoy the party better with an introverted/awkward partner—it's the perfect excuse to grill any stuck-up nobles if they so much as dare to tease you if you stumble over your words or forget the nobility's strict codes of etiquette; only Felix gets to tease you (as long as you can take it), and only because he finds you cute.

Then you can both grab a snack or a drink and quietly slip out of the crowded ballroom to tour the gardens together. If the music is loud enough that you can still hear it faintly outside, he might just ask you for a dance amongst the roses with the moon as your lone witness.

"How un-noble of you, Felix!" you would tease when Felix leads you off the paved path and towards the arching willow where you'll be perfectly hidden from any other stragglers, then Felix would laugh softly before he presses you against the tree and kisses you until you're ready to be portalled into bed (for sleep or for other purposes, none of my business).

However, I wouldn't say Felix can't appreciate a life-of-the-party partner! After all, it is only a matter of time before an extrovert comes to claim their introvert, thus maintaining balance in this world.

Your joy might even become so contagious that Felix can't help but join, especially if it's too unorthodox for the nobility, leaving a string of offended gasps and/or disapproving scowls behind you—it's all the more reason to love you. You can swing and sway all over the ballroom and cause all sorts of mischief and pranks together, as long as you can respect when he needs to just go home.

Anisa

Attending balls is a minor part of her job, whether she's escorting a VIP or standing guard. From a work perspective, a more extroverted partner might be more convenient for making connections and entertaining guests. Anisa, however, doesn't really have a preference.

An extroverted partner is fun in the way that, when Anisa is standing stiffly in the ballroom by the buffet or the grand staircase, trying to keep up appearances (or even in a modern setting, fussing after everyone in the party), you can help her slowly but surely relax and break out of her shell.

Once Anisa picks up the vibe, she does a 180 and lets out the party animal (though this one's nowhere near as wild as Sage); you can see it in the way her movements are much more relaxed, how she throws her head back and laughs so loudly at the dumbest of jokes, and how she spares a dance for whoever asks—that is until she finds you amongst the crowds and pulls you in to dance the rest of the night away.

Just promise you won't let her overindulge in the wine or the punch (that Sage might've dabbled in) lest she starts acting too inappropriately on the job. You know she can't part too long from the buffet.

An introverted partner is great, too! Anisa won't force you into attending parties with her because it's work after all, but if you still want to come along, she'll take care of you throughout the event, continuously checking over you.

Oh, to have Anisa hold your hand and press a tender kiss to your knuckles as she softly asks, "Are you okay, love?"

I guess you would activate that loophole where it's like, she might not usually go out of her way to have fun at events, but seeing you wilting by the corner will push Anisa to encourage you to have some fun with her, as long as you're up for it; she'd love to pull you in for a dance, your hand held high in hers, and proudly show you off as her lover to everyone.

And if you don't want to dance, well, there's always the buffet! There are so many foods you can try, and Anisa can't wait to hand/spoonfeed them to you.

Sage

He's drawn to the life of the party like a moth to a flame. Sage might be quite the tease, but he still loves being kept on his toes; having someone who can match his pace might even help him burn out all that extra energy.

The loud, crammed taverns are where he thrives, and a partner who enjoys them too adds to the fun. He'll pull you for a dance once the bard picks up a jolly tune, sweeping you off your feet and hopping from table to table as people watch in awe how he swings you with such ease.

Hell, you could sweep him off his feet; he definitely won't complain.

That is not to say Sage would push away the wallflower! He'd try to pull you from where you cling to the wall—wouldn't you rather have fun than look so awfully glum?

Once you explain that you're not necessarily miserable, but the chaos of the dance floor just isn't your scene, he nods in understanding. With a wink and a swish of his tail, he asks you to keep your eyes on him as he blends in with the dancing crowds. You can join in whenever you wish, but until then, you're more than welcome to enjoy the view.

Your discomfort immediately triggers his protective streak, and he'll keep an arm up so people won't keep bumping into you as he escorts you out of the crowded tavern once you call it a night.

If you're attending a party at Fathom or whatever fancy palace for whatever fancy reason, Sage would gladly pull you away from the crowds and the noise to explore all the secret passages and chambers. Hey, you could even find an empty room or a closet for seven minutes of heaven ;)

Rime

Like Anisa, I don't think Rime has a preference. I'd say he might have been partial to a life-of-the-party sort of character—repressed choir boy craving an outlet that he is—but Rime did date Felix, who isn't particularly social. That is not to say that Felix and Rime didn't know how to have fun! I just think Felix's way of 'letting go' is more so through mischief and less through partying or socializing.

So in conclusion, Rime doesn't care how extroverted or introverted you are as long as you know how to have a good time.

If you'd known Rime before as the Starsworn Captain, you might've taken him for a reserved prude, but unlike Anisa, he doesn't really need you coaxing him into being more 'out-there'; he'll compete with you over it. Want to ask him for a dance? He's already eyeing you up and down, looking like he could almost eat you up.

Even on the dancefloor, he'd be looking for ways to fluster you.

Recall how if you choose to remain silent during the first confrontation in the Felix route, Rime would wonder why Felix would choose someone so boring over him? I think, if you're more of a wallflower, Rime might tease you a bit especially if he's interested in you but doesn't know you all that well—not to tear you down but it's his... unconventional way of trying to coax you into coming out of your shell.

[acourtofthought]

The number of times I see people defend Cass and Az siding with Rhys with "he's their friend and High Lord" vs the number of times Lucien gets shit for "not standing up to Tamlin" (even though he did do that) is wild.

I think people forget to take a step back and look at all the information presented to us when reading these books.

Of course the author is telling Feyre's story and it's easy to get caught up on what she feels and wanting to side with her but from a logical perspective, if you really want to immerse yourself in this entire world with all these characters (and not just have blind loyalty to Feyre considering Sarah chose to continue writing characters outside of Feyre), you have to consider why they did what they did and whether there is some understanding to be found.

When you look at Feyre and Lucien's relationship, she murdered his friend. MURDERED.

How many of us are going to be fond of someone who killed someone we cared for? It had to be done for the curse of course but he had to see her in his home knowing that she hated his kind and that's why she met Amarantha's requirement.

The fact that he was willing to even become her friend after that is a testament to Lucien's ability to forgive because he could have easily acknowledged the sacrifice Andras made to save them while still choosing to never give the female who murdered someone in cold blood a second thought.

He grew to care for Feyre despite that, risked his life for Feyre, but again she was a 19 year old human he'd known for a few months compared to the person who helped save his life, compared to the person who he spent centuries with, compared to the person he called a friend. Why should he have MORE loyalty to Feyre? What had Feyre ever done for him to earn that loyalty?

Regardless of what Tamlin did after UTM, Lucien had years upon years upon years of building a life in the Spring Court, feeling safe in the Spring Court, being Tamlin's friend in the Spring Court.

If you had a friend you'd known for 20 years then suddenly they spiraled due to trauma and began behaving badly, wouldn't you have faith that they could pull free from it? To find their way again? Would you just cut them off because they were behaving in a way you didn't agree with?

It's funny how people argue how awful Feyre and Elain were for not standing by Nesta's side during her depression (though Nesta forced them away) but hate Lucien for standing by Tamlin and trying to help him through his.

Was Tamlin abusive to women for the last 2 or 3 centuries? It seems the answer is no therefore his behavior in ACOMAF seemed a product of his downward spiral after UTM and having fallen in love. That means Lucien was a good person for trying to bring him back, to help him remember who he had been before. That means Lucien hoped the friend he'd always known could break free from whatever had recently happened to him.

Compare that to Rhys who let others believe he was evil for centuries. In all the time Tamlin saved Lucien, that Tamlin gave Lucien a job and they became friends, Rhys allowed everyone to believe he was a monster.

"Lucien wanted to take Feyre back to her abuser!"

No, Lucien wanted to take Feyre away from who he thought the real abuser was, the guy who was once ready to shatter his mind and who he thought worked with Amarantha (the one who cursed them all and brutally scarred him) for 50 years and was promised by his friend of centuries that he was better, that he knew he was in the wrong and wouldn't make the same mistakes again. Tamlin lost control of his temper and Feyre was injured as a result but Lucien had seen Rhys choose to hurt people so I do understand why he thought Tamlin was capable of change, why he believed he could do better and get help.

On a personal note, my father was abusive to my mother. At 5 years old I witnessed him throw her to the ground and break her collarbone.

Domestic violence is a tricky thing. Should I have written my father off never to talk to him again? Was he not deserving of a second chance even though I hated what he did? My parents did end up divorcing shortly after and he remarried and I absolutely adore my stepmother. I know for a fact that he did change and they are still happily married to this day so I see why in some instances you hope for the best, why you'd like to believe someone can overcome their struggles and it's not for someone else to judge how someone should deal with an abuser because even that is complicated.

But that's real life which is a whole lot trickier than a fantasy world where somehow it's ok for Feyre to murder a fae with hate in her heart yet a friend hoping his friend can overcome his depression and anger issues is made out to be a villain.

Lucien had actual reason to believe Tamlin was capable of change considering the Tamlin of ACOMAF was different Tamlin than the one he had known, the one who saved him.

He was a victim of Tamlin's too so him having hope that "that was the last time" is a normal response to victims of domestic violence. Of course he believed Tamlin could change. Why wouldn't he since he'd known Tamlin as a good guy longer than Tamlin as a bad guy? Of course he'd have hope that his entire life as he'd known it wasn't falling apart so spectacularly.

People forget the events of ACOTAR / ACOMAF didn't just happen to Feyre, Lucien's life was falling apart too. Not to mention for Lucien it wasn't just about Feyre, it was about the people of an entire court. He literally said to her, "don't make me risk the stability of this court." He was worried about the people of Spring finding their way back after the horrors they'd witnessed over 50 years and Feyre was worried about the events of the last three months. That's not to say her trauma was not enormous but was it worse than what others went through? Was her depression more important than the depression of everyone in that land?

EVERYBODY in Spring was struggling, not just Feyre and I think that's what people forget.

Nobody should have had to push their depression aside, the needs of an entire court aside, to prioritize Feyre. And I like Feyre, I knew the Spring Court was not right for her and Tamlin was never going to be the right person for her once ACOMAF began. It's clear they should have never been talking marriage when they were both a mess themselves.

But I don't fault Lucien for not being able to pull Feyre from her depression when he had about a million and one other things on his plate. When he too was dealing with the horrors from UTM (remember how he was almost killed twice there?), when he was stressing over the safety of the court and the mental health of all it's people.

Thinking Lucien was there just to serve Feyre is actually really silly when you think about it because Lucien had some major stuff he was dealing with. Did Feyre set aside her trauma to help Lucien deal with his? Did she even bother thinking about his trauma or did she simply turn a blind eye (especially when she kept walking after knowing Tamlin used his power against Lucien).

Feyre wasn't any better a friend to Lucien after UTM than some claim he was to her but I don't fault her for that because I realize that at certain times you can put your own needs over that of another but Lucien should be extended the same courtesy when he was thinking about everyone's needs. Wanting his HL to heal so that the court didn't suffer doesn't make him an asshole, it actually makes him worthy of becoming a HL himself.

The IC? They might have been worried about their High Lord but they and the people of Velaris lived in relative comfort for 50 years. They did not experience the same horrors that everyone else was dealing with. So when Feyre came to them it was much easier for their focus to be on Feyre, on making her a priority, on her healing and she could then focus on Rhys's healing too.

Sarah is very different from many other authors, where the main character is not guiltless, where other characters are just as developed and just as independent, where they're not written just to be a plot tool to serve the FMC. She does a wonderful job of making side characters extremely layered with their own demons and desires and so I think it's important to treat them with the same individuality that we would a main character.

Being mad at a side character for acting independent of the main character is literally saying "I don't want anyone in this series to want anything other than what is best for the FMC" and that makes for a one dimensional story.

And forgetting that the males also had PTSD, that they don't necessarily deserve to be written off by everyone because of their bad choices but to have someone try to help is an important lesson to remember too. PTSD is not something to overlook just because it's a male suffering from it and I'd hope a friend wouldn't turn their back on a friend because of it, I'd hope they'd try to get their friend the help they need if they're in a position to do so.

Should Feyre have helped Tamlin? Hell no. But Lucien helping Tamlin? If that's what he wants because he probably understands what PTSD looks like, he saw what was happening to Spring and it's people because of Tamlin's state and caring is not something he should be faulted for, not when it affected an entire court. As I said above, Lucien was thinking about more than just Feyre or just Tamlin which means there was no way to meet just one person's needs.

[aita-blorbos]

AITA for never coming home or writing letters?

Why, hello everyone. So, I am not usually the type to talk about stuff like this, so please bear with me if this isn't as coherent or easy to read as other posts here. It's just that after a younger friend of mine told me about this forum I got interested. Y'know, went some pent of feelings, get some outside perspectives… Might be nice.

So, I (M, late teens) don't live with my family. In fact, I haven't been for years. When I was in middle-school I had a, let's call it, 'revelation' that I just didn't feel happy at home. See, I don't wanna brag, but I've always had a certain talent for sorcery, and my parents did value that. Just… Not in a way I felt comfortable with, I suppose. Thinking back, the attention and expectations they placed on me felt suffocating. I was expected to invest a lot of my time into studying the family craft, specifically dark magic, which never really was my "thing" to begin with. And when they didn't have me study, they would have me fight exhibition duels against the heirs of other clans as a show of power. For a while, it felt like I had no control over my life whatsoever. I tried to lock myself in the manor's kitchen or run off into the woods to relief some stress by baking or feeding the forest animals, but… doing that would always net me severe scolding punishment. I'd rather not go deeply into that part.

I suppose one day I just couldn't take it anymore. I took the advice of a child even younger than I was and left the manor, traveling the continent with nothing but the clothes on my back until I managed to get myself enrolled in a magic academy far away from my family home. And, I'll be honest, I never really regretted doing so. Ever since that day, I've felt so much more in control of my own life, so much more alive than I ever did when I lived under my parents' roof. I've been able to make a name for myself using my magic the way I want to and specializing in the things I like, and I feel I've really done well for myself. In all honesty,nothing I've done would bring my clan name into disrepute, quite the opposite, actually! But… I wouldn't know how my parents think about that.

I haven't been in contact with them since I've left. Not even once. I've thought of sending letters, but I wouldn't know what to write. After all, even know that I'm fairly well-known as a sorcerer in my own right, I still have no intentions of inheriting the family estate or carrying on the legacy of dark magic our clan is known for. So if I tried to contact them, what would they do? Would they ignore my letters? Would they reply with anger? Would they send an envoy to attempt to retrieve me and bring me back? Frankly, I'm scared. I could probably fight any hired sorcerers they send my way off easily enough, but… That's not what I want. I don't want to go back. There's nothing I want to do less than go back to the way things used to be before.

I guess what I'm trying to say is… I never meant to cause my family grief. But lately, I can't help but wonder if that is what I'm doing. I was the only heir, after all. I am happy with the path I've chosen in life, and I'm convinced it's what I needed to do for my own sake. But I also find myself wishing I could share the happiness I've found away from them with the people I had to leave behind… And I hate the thought that they might be hurt because of me. And sometimes I wonder if I'm not a little at fault for how things turned out after all, in a way.

So… What do you people think? Please, don't hold back. I expect your honest feedback.

~L.

[softcitrus2345]

Hii!! This is the first time I have ever reached out to someone in this community because I am very scared of being 'found out' and I find it hard to accept myself for what I like 😓 But your account feels very safe, and ur art is so gorgeous bsjsbdj!!!. I read ur tips from a while ago about how to start an account and I would rlly like to share my art out there and connect with likeminded people, and present all my ocs to the world that I have hidden in a folder on my procreate HELP. If this isn't too personal of a question, do u have an tips on self acceptance when it comes to this niche?

Oh man, I totally feel you there, I'll do my best to help ya out!

I completely understand the struggle with self-acceptance with this niche, so many spaces both in the internet and real life have stigmatized this kind of niche and made it out to be something disgusting and perverted, and something to be ashamed about..

I struggled for years with myself, feeling guilty for being into these sorts of things, and for "tainting" my characters with these thoughts, and the occasional drawing I would make in a notebook and promptly rip out and hide somewhere out of shame-

It took me a long time to finally understand why I felt the way I did, and what specific things about this niche appealed to me.

The thing that has helped me the most with the self-acceptance aspect is having a sense of community. Whether it be with just one person, or with a small group, having other people with similar interests that you can talk to and feel comfortable with helps a ton.

Around the same time last year was when I started to get more comfortable with this niche. I joined the server of an artist who's chonky art I really liked, and I got to meet new people and explore that part of myself more. But the best thing for me was finding out that one of my closest friends was also into the same things I was. It was just such a huge sense of relief when I found out, and once I started talking with her about it and sharing ideas back and forth, it became a lot easier to talk about, and it helped me get a lot more comfortable engaging with these interests of mine. A few months later, I found another one of my friends also liked this stuff, and then a few more months later, I found even MORE of my already close friends were into this

I guess the universe was just on my side, I'm so fortunate to have such kind and understanding friends that I can share this stuff with, and explore my interests with

Without them, this account wouldn't exist, and I wouldn't be making this kind of art that I share here, so I will always be grateful for that.

The best advice I can offer you is to find that sense of safety and community, whether it just be one person or several

Joining servers of artists who's work you enjoy is always a good way to meet new people, as well as interacting with artists you admire or other people in the community!

It's never easy to start, and don't get me wrong, I still do struggle with this stuff on and off, but I promise you it does get easier. Try to be kind to yourself

Think of it this way. It's SUPER normalized in society to be into like. Buff guys, or big boobies or butts or whatever, right?? Well being attracted to fat can also be seen that way if you really think about it-

Not saying that fat people should always be objectified in that way but I'm just trying to put that into perspective-

Hopefully that makes sense lol

Also, I am so glad to hear that you can find comfort and a sense of safety in this blog, because that's exactly my intention to have a safe space for people to explore their interests without fear of outside judgement

It means the world to me that you like my art so much and that you felt comfortable asking a tough question like that. I hope my advice can bring you some hope and clarity involving your situation 💖

I sincerely wish you the best, anon, I hope you can find the confidence to share your art with the world someday! I'd love to hear your ideas and see what kind of stuff you put out there!

[illarian-rambling]

Thanks for the tag @kaylinalexanderbooks!

OC Deep Dive

I have, surprisingly, never done this one for Anarac, so here goes!

What uncommon/common fear do they have?

Anarac suffers from some severe and debilitating astrophobia. Specifically, he's terrified of the stars. I wouldn't say this is irrational, though, since he knows that the 'stars' are the eyes of a timeless, destructive being that tormented him in life and assimilated his soul into its hive mind for millennia after death. In fact, I think his refusing to go outside past sunset is eminently reasonable. Other than that, he's been through so much that most other fears, like social anxiety or embarrassment, just don't have that much sting anymore.

Do they have any pet peeves?

Bad manners. Anarac had two sons in life, and he taught them to always clean up after themselves, mind their own business, and generally be courteous. He has a lot of "Who raised you??" moments around some of his other crewmembers, who don't always hold to this standard. Also, he never really gets too upset when others treat him like a madman, as he figures it's a warranted enough label, but that doesn't mean he'll care about their suggestions to stay on the ship.

What are 3 items you can find in their bedroom?

Alas, the ghosts of the Starbreaker were not given bedrooms. In his corner of the cargo hold, you can find a blanket made from an old tarp, a collection of instructions from Kaulakri in the form of doodles, since that's the only way they can get around the written language barrier, and some soil and water samples he works on categorizing in his spare time.

What do they notice first in a person?

Hm, that's a tough one. Anarac is pretty good at reading people, so he takes in a lot at once. Generally, though, probably their hands. He can get a lot of details from someone's hands.

On a scale of 1 to 10, how high is their pain tolerance?

10 - Anarac has been dead for so long that pain doesn't really equal danger to his brain anymore. If you stabbed one of the newer-dead ghosts, they'd probably scream in pain, even if the wound doesn't cause any actual harm to them. If you knifed Anarac, he would just stare at you, vaguely disappointed.

Do they go into fight or flight mode when under pressure?

Freeze. When he gets stressed - from starlight or bad memories or what have you - Anarac dissociates pretty hard. It's an involuntary reaction that can leave him unresponsive for days at a time. From his perspective, he just blacks out and wakes up somewhere different, an indefinite amount of time later.

Do they come from a big family/are they a family person?

Oh boy. When Anarac thinks of family, he thinks of his sons, Finlay and Baerdyn. Finlay was older, at thirteen, and Baerdyn was ten. When Anarac was seventeen, he knocked up his then-girlfriend, Eabain, and they both dropped out of school to support themselves - Anarac also cut contact with his parents then, as they kicked him out. By the time kid number two came along, Eabain was realizing how much of life she'd missed by having kids so young. She left in the night, moved to another city, and never sent so much as a letter or dime of child support. Anarac was left supporting his kids alone. He always did his best to make up the difference - quitting his beloved restaurant job for one that paid better and working nights for extra money. This wore on him, of course, but he would've done that and more to make sure his kids were comfortable and happy.

What animal represents them best?

I'm gonna go with a whitetail deer. It's a flighty animal, but it'll put up a hell of a fight in a tight spot. Also, it's just kinda spooky.

What is a smell that they dislike?

The smell of prayer insense triggers some bad memories in him (not religious trauma exactly, more like he was causing trauma for religions).

Have they broken any bones?

Nothing plot-relevant. I'll say he broke a few ribs once falling off a balcony as a kid. He was kind of a dumbass.

How would a stranger likely describe them?

"D-Do you think that guy over there needs help? He's been staring at the same wall for like an hour now. ...Hm now that you mention it, have you ever seen folk like that before? The red skin makes me think hobgoblin, but his features look human, and his ears are too rounded at the end to be an elf. I guess he's many-lined or something. I've never seen clothes like that before either. They're so... antique? I swear I've seen something like those bracers in a history book somewhere. Man, he's gotta be crazy or homeless or both. I don't think that hair has ever seen a brush. His eyes are just uncanny..."

Are they a night owl or a morning bird?

He doesn't sleep - none of the ghosts need to, but only Anarac doesn't. Honestly, he's probably forgotten how.

What is a flavor they hate and a flavor they love?

Anarac, former chef that he is, can be very opinionated about flavors, in his own way. His favorite flavor is caramelized garlic. He's the type to double the suggested serving of garlic for any recipe. A flavor he hates is green tea. He just doesn't get the hype. Too bad he died before coffee spread to his side of the continent.

Do they have any hobbies?

As stated above, in life, Anarac used to cook for work, and he cooked frequently as a hobby too. Dwarven recipes were his favorite, as the Araunian empire was pretty insular, so anything foreign was always a rarity. He also liked to dance, with dance halls being a common gathering space for his people. After dying and spending several thousand years in the torment nexus, then getting sent almost immediately on a space mission for the gods, he doesn't cook or dance much anymore, but he does want to find out if he can still eat food.

Boom, surprise birthday party! How do they react to surprises?

If someone jumps out at him, he's gonna freeze up for like an hour. However, his crewmembers know better than that, so I'd say they'd plan something a little less jarring for him. In that case, Anarac would have a tough time remembering what parties are and what happens at them, but in the end, I think he'd be really touched.

Do they like to wear jewelry?

He's running around in the clothes he died in, which don't include any jewelry. If someone offered him jewelry, I think he'd be ambivalent on the matter. Put a jester hat on him, he doesn't care.

Do they have neat or messy handwriting?

It's godawful. Really, it's so bad.

What are the two emotions they feel the most?

All-consuming terror and crippling guilt. Sorry man...

Do they have a favorite fabric?

He really, honestly doesn't care what's on his body. I don't think he could name a fabric if you asked.

What kind of accent do they have?

He's got a Scottish accent, and his voice is very whispery and ragged from disuse.

I'll tag @wyked-ao3 @vesanal @the-golden-comet @tragedycoded @mk-writes-stuff and anyone else who wants in!

Blanks under the cut

What uncommon/common fear do they have? Do they have any pet peeves? What are 3 items you can find in their bedroom? What do they notice first in a person? On a scale of 1 to 10, how high is their pain tolerance?Do they go into fight or flight mode when under pressure?Do they come from a big family/are they a family person?What animal represents them best? What is a smell that they dislike? Have they broken any bones? How would a stranger likely describe them? Are they a night owl or a morning bird? What is a flavor they hate and a flavor they love? Do they have any hobbies? Boom, surprise birthday party! How do they react to surprises? Do they like to wear jewelry?Do they have neat or messy handwriting? What are the two emotions they feel the most? Do they have a favorite fabric?What kind of accent do they have?

[whumpsday]

Whumpmas in July #2

What are your top three favorite whump tropes?

so i'm gonna add a caveat to this question: my top three favorite whump tropes that i haven't gushed about for previous WIJ prompts. here's those, if you want to take a look:

Whumper-turned-Whumpee

Nonhuman whumpee & Desperate begging whumpee

Immortal whumpee

those are definitely some of my tip-top favorites, but i'll allow something else to take the spotlight for once, lest i repeat myself. these aren't in any particular order.

Tiny Whump

my love of tiny whump is no secret. in fact, i love tiny stuff even outside of whump, which is why i'm also in the giant/tiny community (my blog for that is @smallsday). but since i love g/t and whump, there's no reason not to do both at the same time!

the thing about tiny whump is that it makes everything more terrifying. to someone who's only a few inches tall, even a regular human is a massive threat. this not only creates more unique & creative opportunities for whump, but adds an inherent element of fear into any mixed-size caretaker dynamics. if a tiny whumpee is rescued from some sort of whump situation, they're going to be scared of the (from their perspective) giant who rescued them, too! no matter how kind a caretaker is, there is always an unbalanced power dynamic, and i love seeing characters navigate that.

(the rest of the post is under the keep-reading)

Deprivation of Basic Needs

this is a classic that encompasses so many wonderful types of whump, and i have used it extensively in my main story with Kane's starvation. i'm talking about stuff allll the way at the bottom of the hierarchy of needs.

TAKE IT AWAY! whumpees don't need that stuff! or at least, they don't need more of it than they require to survive. this is why i love immortal whumpees and nonhuman whumpees so much. humans are fragile enough that there's only so much suffering they can endure before ending up dead. and dead is no fun, because then there's no more suffering! an immortal whumpee, or a less-fragile nonhuman whumpee, can reach so much greater heights of deprivation.

this trope comes in many forms. starvation, dehydration, suffocation, and sleep deprivation are the most common, and they're all classics. cold whump and heat whump fulfill similar niches. it's a physical-based trope in general, but you can even get a little more psychological with it and deprive a whumpee of stuff like clothing, hygiene, bedding, shelter, space to move around in, and other things we'd consider basics but aren't necessarily immediately critical to survival. sensory deprivation is also common.

i've also had an idea knocking around in my head about getting more... niche with it, probably in a lab whump setting. there are so many basic needs and bodily functions that a whumper wouldn't be able to deprive a whumpee of under normal circumstances, but if a lab whumper tried really hard, they could get it done--especially if the whumpee possessed some level of immortality. deprive them of the ability to move at all. take away their ability to pee. take away their ability to blink, as their eyes dry up painfully. TAKE AWAY THEIR HEART'S ABILITY TO BEAT, for an immortal whumpee who will remain painfully aware through it all even as their body reacts in utmost panic. in the world of fiction, anything is possible.

Enemy Caretaker

i looooove an enemy caretaker. with known, friendly caretakers, such as friends, family, and partners, there is an element of trust. this lowers the tension, so this tends to be my least favorite kind of caretaker, though i do like it still. with stranger caretakers, there is an element of distrust and suspense. whumpee is still afraid, they can't trust this complete random who's come to their rescue, they need to build up a relationship. i love that!!!

but there is something even better than the stranger caretaker: the enemy. the person whumpee knows hates them, the person whumpee knows they have every reason to fear, especially at their most vulnerable. i'm not talking about "one good-hearted member of the organization responsible for whumpee's torment leaves said organization and rescues them". i'm talking about whumpee's personal enemy. someone they have a storied mutual hatred with. someone who has every reason to leave them for dead or even actively make it worse.

but they don't. they put their history aside and help whumpee, despite everything. and yet! whumpee would still be afraid of them, right? why wouldn't they be? their life is in the hands of someone with a potential grudge. but it all works out, with double that relationship-building needing to be done.

my favorite type of enemy caretaker is a former whumpee put in a position where they're helping their whumper-now-turned-whumpee. i love to see a role reversal like that where the whumpee is now the one with all the power and the whumper gets to be scared. but i love all types of enemy caretakers!

@whumpmasinjuly