#and e-mails to my friends who have probably given up on me at this point
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Remarkable what a couple of nights (well, days) of decent sleep will do.
Granted, I was tired enough that instead of grabbing a pot from the rack to start my cereal in, I picked up the phone and started dialling, and stood there for a moment listening to a dial tone and wondering how I was going to fit my almonds into it.
But then I took a shower, and listened to The Adventure Zone as I dried off and dressed. I had cereal with fruit and almonds on the patio and finished my Duolingo, promised to make English toffee for a bake sale the senior citizens are doing, and did a bit of gardening. Then I went in and read for a couple of hours. Three fairly good books--Credulity by Emily Ogden, The Leopard by Jo Nesbø, and Zero History by William Gibson--and two abysmal ones.
The Rule of Thre3 by Eric Walters is a Canadian YA book set in Mississauga and premised on the idea that as soon as the electricity goes out civilization will disintegrate and the only way to stay alive is to build walled enclaves and not admit anyone unless they have useful skills. Much talk of building a big, beautiful wall that makes everyone feel really safe; mass killings of “bad guys” from a distance; and--my personal favourite--referring to the flag at the Mississauga police station as “the Stars and Stripes.” Never mind that actual accounts of disasters document communities coming together and people helping each other, or that we had a 2003 blackout in which people did just that, with none of this apocalypse business. If I hate it so much, you might ask, why did I finish it? Because unless something else comes along, I’m probably going to be writing my next ACCSFF paper about it.
The Blink of an Eye by Ted Dekker is some kind of thriller, I guess, that tries not very effectively (or for that matter thrillingly) to keep Dekker’s pitch for evangelical Christianity at a dull roar. Every part of it, from the shoddy research on Saudi Arabia and the Nizari sect of Islam to the depiction of a Western feminist trying to convince a woman to return to a forced marriage to the physics genius who uses equations to prove the existence of God in front of a class of 200 and his outraged mentor, just screams that he’s never had any experience with most of the things he writes about and is either too afraid or too contemptuous of them to find out. If I hate it so much, you might ask, why am I still reading it? Because if the Dublin conference accepts me, I’m going to be talking about how this genre has contributed to the erosion of American political discourse.
So yeah. Read. Went upstairs, edited two pages of minutes, and wrote a thousand words on the fic, which spent a few weeks languishing. Then I cracked the three-volume French vampire novel I’ve been wanting to get to for weeks. I did ten pages, same as I used to do ten pages of German, but it took only an hour, because I understand French. Mostly. I’ve discovered that I don’t necessarily understand all the shades of meaning conveyed in a depiction of two Louis Quinze-era aristocrats flirting with each other, but I’m not sure I would in any language.
Then I came back down here and picked up the business writing course I signed up for yesterday. I’ve wanted to strengthen my professional communications skills for awhile, in the hope that it might help me write better cover letters and e-mails to various town officials, and now that I’ve been asked to contact an author about a thing, I thought this was the perfect time to go ahead with the course. I got far enough to learn that the essence of business communication is that you do your research, consider your audience, take care to not confuse frequently confused words, and try to minimize your use of profanity. I’ll keep slogging, but I have the feeling I’m not who this course is for, and I’m not going to see the significant improvement in my writing that I was hoping for.
After that I worked a bit at turning my dissertation into a book. And now, if I just do a bit, just a little bit, on my article, I will have worked on every single thing that I wanted to work on today! With one hour to spare until the technical end of my day!
I’m not gonna be able to keep this up tomorrow. Silliness to try. It’s just so nice to have managed to get to everything I’ve been meaning to do for ages, and it was so nice to concentrate on academic stuff for a day without the pressure of a deadline.
#mind you I didn't have postdoc applications on my to-do list and I probably should have#and I didn't do anything about Icelandic#and there's that e-mail to JB I have to do#and e-mails to my friends who have probably given up on me at this point#but never mind I'm having a moment of accomplishment here#bad fiction tw
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I'll Make It Okay for You - Part 1
Pairing: Harvey Specter x Reader
Word count: 3,666
Warnings: Discussion, yelling, some angst, mentions of drugs, and drug abuse.
Summary: What happens when (y/n) (y/l/n), Harvey’s secret crush and a junior partner at his firm, openly defies him in front of everyone?
You can find Part 2 here.
Disclaimer: I don’t own the show Suits, or its characters, also not associated with it in any way or know anyone involved with it.
A/N: So, this is my first Harvey Specter fic and I’m obviously quite unsure about it, lol. This might’ve ended up like one big mess, cause I tried to combine a bunch of Harveys I wanted to see. The perfect recipe for disaster, right? Anyways, I hope it doesn’t suck too bad and, please, feel free to give me feedback, cause I’m also here to learn!!
(y/n) = (your name) (y/l/n) = (your last name) (y/n/n) = (your nickname)
| masterlist |
You’d barely stepped out of the elevator when you were met by your secretary that morning. That couldn’t mean anything good.
“Morning, (y/n/n). You’ve got an emergency meeting with Jessica today. Gonna give you the schedule on the way there.” Lucy stated, leading you on the opposite way to Jessica’s office.
“Oh, I got the memo; company’s under attack again. She wants me on the frontlines this time. Louis is probably running around saying ‘We’re at war, people, war!!!’, or something like that. But why aren’t we headed towards the boss’ office?”
“Apparently, uh, she wants y’all to convey at Harvey’s office.” She said hesitantly, as if afraid of your reaction.
“Are you kidding me? It’s the first hour of the morning and she wants me to go see that smug face of his?�� You pouted childishly.
“Smug and hot, you mean.” Lucy corrected you, getting an outraged look from you in response, as she usually would by saying anything positive about Specter.
“Shush,” You said, motioning for her to stop talking, “ one shall not praise Harvey Annoying Specter around me.” You stated full of obstination, but the younger woman just laughed you off and said:
“Well, here we are. I guess I’ll just have to send you an e-mail with your schedule, since, once again, we spent our schedule minutes of the day talking about “the enemy”.” She mocked with gestures and everything this time. That Lucy really was a piece of work, she timed the whole thing perfectly, in a way that you couldn’t even repudiate her insinuations because you were already standing in front of Specter’s office door.
Not long after you had entered and Jessica had officially started the strategy-meeting, though, all eyes in the room turned to you, as your phone started ringing in your back pocket. "Shit! I'm- I'm so sorry, guys, I guess I-"
"Can you please take your job seriously for once in your life, (y/l/n)?" You heard Harvey Pain-In-The-Ass Specter rudely remark, as you tried to swallow your embarrassment.
“Well, like I was trying to say, I’m sorry. Gonna turn it off right now, won’t happen again.” You said, directing your apologetic look to Jessica.
“You should just go ahead and answer it, could be something important.” She calmly told you.
“Especially now that you’ve already interrupted our work.” Specter chipped in again, which just gave you more fuel to answer the goddamn phone.
“Hello, yeah this is her.” You confirmed to the man on the phone, while taking a few steps towards the corner of the room. “What??? Are you sure? Oh my God! O- okay, just tell me which one and I’ll be there as soon as possible! Right, thank you.” Everyone’s eyes were on you, trying to understand what made you look so distressed. Except his, of course.
“Wait a second. Are you leaving right now?” He asked with a mix of annoyance and irritation in his voice.
“Yes, I am. I’m sorry, Jessica, but this is a family emergency. I have to go.”
“Well, I just hope you know that this doesn’t look good for you, (y/n).” She said, voice inexpressive.
“I do and, honestly? I couldn’t care less about that right now.” You firmly told her, while hoping your career wasn’t over by the next morning.
“I hope everything goes well for you and your family, (y/n). If you need anything, and I mean anything, just let me know.” Louis told you with that childish smile of his. Jesus, even in a moment like this, he tried to flirt with you.
“Thank you, Louis. That’s very kind.” You faked a tiny smile.
“Unbelievable.”
“What?” You asked, turning back to face Harvey.
“Your firm is under attack and you’re leaving because of some stupid family crap?” Was he even serious?
“Precisely. And I don’t really care what your thoughts are on it. Our priorities are clearly very different.” Who the hell did he think he was to say anything about your family’s issues?
“Well, that shouldn’t matter because, the minute you walk in here, through those elevators out there, you’re supposed to leave all things personal behind.”
“Oh, right. I’m so sorry that I’m not some heartless lawyer like you, who’s just in it for the petty fights in the name of money-making.” Shit. You needed to get the hell out of there before you said something else to make Specter wanna kick you out himself. So you did. Stormed out like there was no tomorrow, leaving nothing but the very shocked Donna, Jessica, Louis, Mike, and Rachel behind. Oh, yeah, and a very pissed-off Harvey Specter.
Okay, maybe you were a little too harsh, but given the place you needed to go, to do what you needed to do, you didn't care about Harvey, your job, or anything else.
---
It was much later on that same day, around dinner time, that you heard a soft knock on your door. But how could someone be at your door, if the doorman downstairs hadn't announced any visitors? Were you dreaming? Well, the day had been so tiring that that wasn't exactly impossible… Nonetheless, you made your way to the door, whilst holding your very needy three-year-old nephew in your arms. Not that you could blame Henry after the day he’d had.
Since you weren’t expecting anyone, it was reasonable to believe that, whoever it was, was going to be a surprise. But not in a million years would have you ever guessed that Harvey Specter was the one knocking at your door. Especially considering what had happened at the firm earlier. How did he even know your address?
“Hi, (y/l/n). I didn’t know you had a kid.” He stated with a bit of surprise of his own, pointing to the little boy you were carrying.
“No, uh, I don’t have any.” You managed to say, trying to control your shocked expression. “This is my nephew.” You clarified again, a little more at ease this time.
“My name’s Henry. What’s yours?” You heard your nephew ask with his cute child-voice.
“Harvey. It’s, uh, it’s very nice to meet you, Henry.” Harvey told the boy, holding out his hand for him to shake, as a sweet smile came to his lips.
“Is he your friend, auntie (y/n/n)?” Henry asked you hesitantly, before making a move. The Don’t Talk to Strangers Rule must’ve kicked in his mind.
Before answering him, you hesitated a little bit yourself, though. Was Harvey your friend? Obviously not, but if he came to your apartment in the middle of the night like this, it was probably because of something important. Work-related, of course. Which meant you’d have to let him in, so you settled for what would be the easiest classification for a three-year-old.
“Yeah, bud, he is my friend from work.” Hearing that, something in Specter’s eyes changed, you didn’t really know what, though.
“Well, then, can he come play with us?” He gave you such a cute look, that you almost said yes right on cue. But you obviously couldn’t.
“You’d have to ask him, but I’m sure he has a lot of other, more important, things to do now.” You tried to explain to the little boy, giving Harvey a look. But you didn’t get too far, as the lawyer quickly said:
“Of course I wanna go play with you! That is if your auntie’s okay with that…” Now he was mocking you, that was the only explanation.
“Can we play with him, then, auntie (y/n/n)? Please, please, please?” God, what horrible thing could’ve you possibly done to deserve this particular punishment?
“Um, I guess... If he really has nothing better to do-” Harvey didn’t even let you finish your sentence.
“I really don’t.” He said, shooting you and Henry a bright smile that you’d never seen before.
“Okay, then, come in. Please disregard the mess, I got this stuff to make dinner, but someone just won’t detach, right, mister?” You asked your nephew with fake annoyance in your voice, as you tickled his sides a little bit. He just laughed at you. Though what really caught your attention was the fact that Harvey, too, was chuckling lightly at the scene, as he started picking up your groceries’ bags from the floor. “What are you doing?”
“Helping you, what else?” You gave him a weird look because, well, it was a weird situation. Maybe he noticed your discomfort because he added: “You look tired, so I’ll help you by making dinner and putting the rest of these away.”
“You’re kidding, right?” There was no way in hell that the All-Mighty Harvey Specter was gonna get domestic for you, of all people. Since he didn’t bother to answer, you went on: “First of all, what was it that you really came here to do, hum? And, second, I don’t need your help with anything.” Normally you tried to be kind to everyone, but, then again, Specter wasn’t exactly your normal kind of guy.
“Well, first of all,” he started in a tone of mockery, “that was rude! Look at the example you’re setting for little Henry!” Oh God, as much as you hated to admit it, he was kinda right, because you had completely forgotten about the little boy still cradled in your arms. “Second, we can talk about the reason why I came here later,” after your nephew’s asleep, was implicit in his speech, “third, it looks like you do need some help. And, for your luck, I happen to be a very good cook when I want to.”
“But-” You could barely begin your sentence, as Harvey sharply cut you off:
“You see, buddy,” he started, motioning to Henry this time, “the quicker we get your auntie on board with the game plan, the quicker we’ll get to eat and go play together!” Son of a bitch! Using a child to get to you…
“Can we please, auntie? Please?” How could you not crack after that pleading?
“Fine, but I swear I’ll make you pay if we wake up with food poisoning tomorrow, Specter.” You told him playfully, trying to lighten the mood after all of your bluntness.
“Oh, trust me, (y/l/n), you won’t. This will be the best meal you and the young man here will ever have in your entire lives.” He said cockily, but without the usual arrogance level, if that even makes sense.
A few hours and a really great dinner later, you and Henry couldn’t help but snicker shamelessly at Harvey’s ridiculous faces, as the three of you played a game on your living room’s floor. Trying to catch your breath from your giggles, you glanced up at the clock and realized that it was way too late for your nephew to be out of bed like that. So you broke up the game, announcing:
“It’s bedtime for you, Mr. Henry.” You watched the faces of the pair turn into ones of pure disappointment, as they prepared to pout.
“Just a little longer, auntie (y/n/n)! please!” The little boy started.
“Yeah, auntie, just a little longer! Please?” This time it was the grown man, one of the toughest Wall Street lawyers.
“As moved as I am by your synchrony, guys, the answer is a big no. C’mon, bud, let’s go brush your teeth. And then straight to bed. So say bye to Harvey, and thank him for being so nice to us tonight.” He looked between you and Specter as if still hoping for a hail Mary of some sort.
“Bye, Harvey.” He sounded so sad, but then he smiled brightly again, as he repeated what you’d told him to say word by word: “And thank you for being so nice to us tonight.” Hearing that, both you and Harvey chuckled lightly at the young boy, who quickly added: “Will you come see us tomorrow too?”
“Uh, we’ll, uh, we’ll see about that, okay, little man?” He tried to let Henry down slowly but, watching the boy’s expression become a sad one instantly, he added: “It’s just because both your auntie and I have a lot of work ahead of us tomorrow, but I’ll do my best, okay?” That was definitely a side of Harvey you’d never seen before, he had even bent down to be on your nephew’s level.
“Okay.” Henry said quietly, seeming to be a little happier, too.
“Okay, then let’s just go upstairs already.” You took the boy’s hand to guide him towards the spare bedroom’s bathroom, all the while shooting Specter a look that told him to wait for you a little longer.
“I’ll wait for you down here.” He said, proving he understood what your eyes tried to transmit.
So you headed upstairs with your nephew and, after a good fifteen minutes of brushing Henry’s teeth, helping him into his PJs, and tucking him in, you finally managed to come back to the living room, where you found Harvey looking through some of your photos displayed on the sideboard. For a minute or two, you just watched him. It wasn’t that you liked what you saw or anything. It wasn’t. It was more like postponing the weird conversation you two were bound to have, because, after all that had happened in those few hours, the atmosphere was, at very least, a strange one. But, almost as if he’d felt your gaze on his back, the lawyer in him was switched on, and he interrupted your thoughts by saying:
“Ah, you’re back. Good, because we need to talk.” You just motioned for him to follow you into your home office. But both you and Harvey looked so informal to be in that kind of environment, that you just indicated the small couch on the wall opposite to your desk for you to take your seats in.
“So, uh, before you even say anything, I wanna thank you for being so kind tonight,” a small smile came to your lips, as you remembered, not only the evening but how your nephew had used almost those exact same words, already imitating you, a little earlier. Specter smiled too, you noticed. “and I also wanna apologize. If you came here to talk to me… I must’ve made you waste a lot of time, huh?” You tried with a half-smile this time, as embarrassment started taking over you.
“What? No, of course not! I'm pretty sure that I told you I didn't have anything better to do, didn't I?" He calmly asked with a smile.
"Yeah, but I'm not buying it. You're Harvey Specter, isn't that what you're always saying? And Harvey Specter always has something better to do, isn't that right?" You shot back in a mockery tone, regaining your confidence.
"Well, maybe. But, not today. So don't apologize, and don't thank me. I'm the one who should be thanking you, I had a really good time tonight." Okay, now you were shocked. He had a good time?
"Uh, okay, um, so... What was so urgent that you had to come here in the middle of the night?" You nervously ranted, while tugging your hair behind your ears. He just stared at you, so much so that you almost repeated your question.
"Um, yeah, about this morning… That's why I came here…" You were already guessing that that would come up eventually, but it was the topic of your conversation? "I know that you and I always had our differences, and maybe even some rivalry-"
"Some rivalry? Dude, I'm just a junior partner, and ever since I started on that firm you've been persecuting me-"
"I wouldn't say persecuting…"
"Oh, you wouldn't?"
"Not since you made junior partner anyways. Now it's just a healthy rivalry between work friends…" He tried to use what you’d told your nephew earlier.
"Oh, so you do admit you were persecuting me when I was an associate, huh?"
"Shit." He muttered quietly, as you watched him with a victory smile on your lips. "You know what? Hell yeah, I did persecute you when you were an associate." Hearing that blunt admission of guilt, you just couldn't find anything to say. “You wanna know why? I did that because, from the first time I saw you doing your job, I saw this very thing that I see now: you kicking ass, you think I wanted to admit this to you? I’ll answer it myself: no, I didn’t. The only reason why it happened is that you led me to it.” He blurted out, completely knocking you off your socks.
“So, um, you treated, you treat me like shit because, um, because I’m good?” You asked, still unsure of what to think about his confession.
“Well, that was part of it, sure. So, you see, I could understand it when you weren’t particularly thrilled at the perspective of working with me. But, this morning, you said that I’m a heartless guy who only cares about money… Is that really what you think of me?” This time he sounded genuinely sad? When Harvey said that he’d come to your apartment to talk about that morning, you thought he was gonna reprimand the shit out of you for disrespecting him ⎯ your sort of boss, a senior partner ⎯, but, apparently, he was asking about it on a more personal level. A level you’d never really thought played a part in your relationship with him.
“Oh, Harvey…”
“Be honest, please. I don’t want your pity. You don’t even know me all that well, so don’t try to minimize anything. I can take it.”
“That’s not what I was gonna do. And, trust me, you’re probably the last person in the world I’d pity.” You told him with a sly smile. “You’re right. I don’t know you all that well. Or, at least, I didn’t this morning. But I do know that you’re not heartless. Also, I was really out of line then, I’ve seen you fighting tooth and nail for a lot more than just money in that firm. You’re loyal to your firm and friends like no one else and, tonight, I watched you sitting on the floor and playing with a little boy. And, trust me, that meant more to him than you’d ever know, especially after today… Anyways, what I’m really trying to say is that I was so damn wrong and that I’m sorry. I’d gotten some pretty nerve-racking news beforehand, not that that’s an excuse but...” You told him, meaning every word and trying hard to show how much you regretted your previous actions.
“Wait, what news?”
“Ah, it’s nothing for you to worry about, really.” You tried to brush him off.
“Oh, c’mon! You said all those nice things about me, but when it comes to your life and your problems you still don’t trust me, isn’t that right?” His tone was sharply inexpressive, but his eyes showed he was actually hurt.
“What are you talking about? Oh my God, Harvey! I’ve relied on you for a number of cases that I really cared about! I let you in on my apartment! I let you spend an entire night around my nephew! Of course, I trust you!”
“Then what the hell is the problem? You think I’m not gonna give a damn about your family issues? Is that it? Because I am literally begging you to tell me about them!”
“I don’t wanna tell you because I don’t want you, or anyone else on the firm, to think that I’m some pathetic little girl who uses her family issues as an excuse to get out of a tough fight.” You confessed in a lower tone, slightly embarrassed, just hoping he would understand and stop poking. “Things are very different when you’re a woman, you know…”
“I would never think that about you. Family is important. Especially if it’s made of people like Henry…” He said, reassuring you, even though there was a hint of sadness in his voice. “Besides, you said you trust me, so you need to trust me when I say that I wouldn’t betray you by telling people about your problems. I’m not here as your boss, (y/n). I just wanna help you.” He sounded so sincere and, if you were being honest with yourself, you kinda really needed to vent.
“Okay, um, where to start? I have two sisters: Henry’s mother, Kat, and a fifteen-year-old, Lisa. I’m the older one of all three of us. Lisa’s sick, like very sick, so my parents, who are both retired, are with her at the Mayo Clinic in Rochester, to try and get her better. In the meantime, Kat was supposed to go to college, as well as care for her son, between my parents and me, she wouldn’t even need to provide for them or anything. But, a while ago, she overdosed for the first time. That’s when we found out about her addiction. We’ve already tried a million different things but nothing works. So, my parents and I threatened to make her lose her parental rights over Henry, hoping that it’d be a wake-up call for her, but it backfired. She just took the boy and disappeared, then today I get that call, from the police department, saying that she was in custody for drug distribution and endangering the well-fare of a minor. They asked me to go pick my nephew and, maybe, get Kat a lawyer.” And, just like that, you’d told Harvey Specter, of all people, everything. Tears rolling down your cheeks and him pulling you into a hug.
If anyone had told you that that was how your night was gonna go, you would have definitely laughed them out of the room. But now, just sitting there, being held and caressed by Harvey, as you let your armor down, it was finally beginning to look like things were gonna be okay.
#harvey specter x reader#harvey specter#suits#harvey specter fanfiction#suits fanfiction#bickering#harvey specter imagines#harvey specter x you#harvey specter x y/n#angst#fluff#fanfiction#fanfic#harvey specter angst#harvey specter fluff#imagines#pearson specter#jessica pearson#mike ross#louis litt#donna paulsen#rachel zane
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Cornelia Funke Interview
I had, back in 2013 or so, a literary blog I'd post book reviews on. I was a teenager, with two or three people actually following my reviews, but I loved reading so it was pretty fun nevertheless.
Then one day, I thought, why not ask one of my favourite authors, Cornelia Funke, whether I could interview her for an article?
I was 14, with zero background in journalism, but I'd been reading her for a while and I was absolutely passionate about her work. So, without much hope, I contacted her via her website and she actually, and very kindly, accepted to answer some of my questions.
While I deleted the literary blog I'm talking about, I did keep the interview in my e-mails and I think it's a shame to not share it with other people again (especially the Inkworld fandom here which is small but wonderful) since Cornelia was really sweet and took the time to give very elaborate and enlightening answers.
Now, this is old, from June 2013, so a lot of the information given is outdated and irrelevant by now, but there's so much that's still fascinating and that I love about what Cornelia said.
I'd also like to point out that some sentences have been edited for clarity.
So, have fun reading it, and feel free to react and ask me questions about the interview and my experience conducting it!
[Interview done on 19.06.13 via e-mail]
Q: I know that you are currently working on Book 3 of MirrorWorld. Do you have any other project going on ?
Cornelia Funke: As this series seems to be growing into at least five books the research is so intense that I stay away from any other bigger project. I'm doing short stories though, for younger readers, as they may otherwise think I forgot them behind the Mirror. I'm also working on several Apps ( though I prefer to call them Breathing Books :) ) for my worlds, as I was not very happy with the visual interpretations the movies did so far. MirrorWorld is done, Dragonrider is next, and we'll also soon start with Inkworld.
Q: What is the last book that you've read and loved ?
C.F.: I am mostly reading research for MirrorWorld. I just read the most enchanting Canadian Folk Tales and several books on Russia. As for fiction, I have just been through all the Sherlock Holmes stories as I had to write one myself for an Anthology and I got completely addicted. Then I read R.L. Stevenson on writing and travelling and ....as you see, I am a bookeater with piles everywhere in the house :)
Q: The classic question: what are the 3 books that you would take with you on an island ?
C.F.: The Once and Future King, by T.H.White
The Princess Bride, by William Goldman
The Rain King, by Saul Bellow (though of course I could name a hundred other titles here and I would feel each time that I forgot a favourite one)
Q: Did you want to be a writer when you were a child? If not, what was your dream job back then ?
C.F.: No, I wanted to be an astronaut. Quite seriously – until I realized I needed to get military training for that. It was the time of the moon landing and Star Trek after all :) I think I was also quite disappointed by the space ships they had come up with so far. An echo of this childhood passion is probably my addiction to Dr Who and the TARDIS in my Writing House.
Q: Who are the authors that inspired you ?
C.F.: Every author I ever read, both the good and the bad ones. Sometimes the bad ones teach you even more what you want to achieve as a writer. Among my favourite writers are Dickens, Kipling, Tolkien (though I like T.H.White better), Somerset Maugham, Maupassant, Astrid Lindgren, Toni Morrison, Michael Ondaatje, Graham Greene, Heinrich Heine, Ted Hughes, R.L.Stevenson, Mark Twain, Neil Gaiman, David Almond, Margaret Atwood, Annie Proux etc etc etc as you see I like many and very different printed dishes.
Q: In what circumstances do you prefer to write ?
C.F.: I can write everywhere by now, at airports, train stations, in hotel rooms, cafés, restaurants, waiting for a friend on a park bench....I always have a notebook and a pen with me and all my friends know that I love them to be late as these minutes give me the best ideas. But there are three places especially dear to me: my Writing House in Los Angeles, my daughter's apartment in London and....the Getty high up on the hill in LA.
Q: When you're writing a novel, do you know exactly how it's going to end, or is it also a surprise for you ?
C.F.: No, I need and want the surprise! Otherwise I get very bored!
Q: In which of the worlds you created would you prefer to live ?
C.F.: MirrorWorld. For at least ten lives :)
Q: Who is your favorite character from your books? Who is the one with whom you identify the most?
C.F.: Hmm... now they are all listening and they will all be terribly sad if I don't mention their name. Therefore, allow me to name a few (and tell the others that the selection is quite random): Prosper from Thief Lord, Dustfinger and Elinor from Inkworld, Twigleg from Dragonrider, Longespee from Ghostknight, and then of course Jacob (I can't get enough of him, maybe because he reminds me of my son Ben). As for whom I identify the most with, that is easy – Fox. And sometimes, the Dark Fairy :)
Q: I literally fell in love with the Inkworld saga and Dustfinger has to be my favourite character. How did he come to you?
C.F.: He just stepped into my mind, with the marten on his shoulder. I was not sure about his profession though, until I saw some fire eaters on a medieval market in Germany. He also brought his name. I never had to wonder what he looks like or who he is. He was just there – one of the easiest characters I ever wrote about, and always very close to my heart.
Q: Why did you choose Venice as a setting in The Thief Lord? What does that city represent to you ?
C.F.: I had the idea for the book in Venice and I thought it would make the most perfect setting because it is such a perfect place for children – no traffic to watch for, a labyrinth of alleyways to get lost in, a time machine built from water and stone. I love to set books in a real place to enable my readers to follow the story and literally touch it. There is so much magic in reality. It all comes from there. I did a similar thing with Ghostknight, which I set in Salisbury, England.
Q: Your books inspired many movies and plays. How do you feel about your stories getting adapted?
C.F.: For many years I allowed every kind of adaptation just because I felt it was such an honour to be interpreted by other artists. I feel slightly different by now. So often the interpretation was so different from what I had seen in my mind. So often all the work I had put into a book was shrunk down, simplified or simply changed. All this made me develop my version of MirrorWorld last year and it was the very first time I had the blissful feeling that other artists made me see my world even more clearly. As a friend of mine said when she saw the MirrorWorld App: "But this is more you than you!" After this experience I will be much stricter with adaptations as I now know how good they can be!
Q: If another movie was made based on one of your novels, which one would you like it to be? And would you like Brendan Fraser to take the lead once more? (I, personally, would like that very much)
C.F.: :) Brendan is still the most brilliant SilverTongue who ever read my books on tape, but for MirrorWorld and Jacob Reckless he would definitely be the wrong cast. I have no actor in mind for Jacob so at the moment I couldn't imagine a movie for this world. As for the other InkBooks – I am not sure I would allow an adaptation. The first movie taught me how much can go wrong although everyone is passionate about the project and although so many brilliant actors and artists were involved, it doesn't show at all what I saw when I wrote the books.
Q: Words are of great importance in your books. Do you see them more as tools you can use to create your stories or would you also say that they have a life of their own?
C.F.: A brilliant painter is nothing without paint. A brilliant carpenter is nothing without wood. The words are what I weave the carpet from and only if I choose the right one will the carpet fly! And yes, they for sure have a life of their own! As does the story!
Q: Is there any advice you can give to aspiring authors like me?
Always carry a notebook and a pen with you. Grab the ideas when they show themselves, as they will hide again. Never tell a story where to go. Let the story tell you – though sometimes you may have to fight with it about the direction. Always be curious about everything – inside and outside :)
I am impatiently waiting for your answers,
Yours truly,
Alice
Love from one bookeater to the other from LA,
Cornelia
#cornelia funke#inkworld#inkheart#inkspell#inkdeath#inkworld trilogy#mirrorworld#interview#mine#writing
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Hug-o-gram | Yoongi
→ summary:
“This is probably the dumbest idea you’ve ever had,” Yoongi hisses, but it’s kind of hard for Seokjin to take him seriously when he’s wearing a cardboard sign around his neck that says ‘Huggie Wuggie Machine!’ in bubble font.
“Like, even worse than when we DIY’d your car into a convertible by sawing the top off?” Seokjin asks, genuinely curious.
“Worse,” Yoongi admits, trying his best to stay out of your line of sight. His cheeks redden, matching the gaudy pink kitten ears he was forced into wearing.
{or alternatively: Seokjin is a terrible wingman. He also runs a profitable business by sending hugs to people’s crushes for a fee. Mix them together and you have a recipe for Min Yoongi’s worst nightmare.}
→ genre: college!au, hugging booth!au, fluff, humor → warnings: yoongi is so smitten that he’s a walking disaster, so much shy!yoongi to the point where you’ll want to scream, seokjin just tryna get his homie some y/n love coochie bro ;o; → words: 13.3K → a/n: another commission by the lovely @jincherie because she’s epic like that!! she literally just told me to write whatever the hell i wanted and well... yoobie got me Good... anyway here’s more yoongi fluff bc apparently i’m a fluff writer now and sometimes i just want my boy to be happy... appa yip yip
Kim Seokjin makes a lot of good decisions. He also makes plenty of bad ones, but he likes to think the score is lying heavily towards the positives. Min Yoongi will be the first one to quickly disagree, but Seokjin doesn’t let it get to him. He doesn’t make it his business to listen to opinions that don’t immediately align with his, anyway; he likes to call it “selective hearing.” Yoongi calls it stupidity. Either way, the point still stands: Seokjin knows a good idea when he sees one. Case in point:
“This automatic popcorn machine is absolutely divine,” Seokjin moans, his mouth agape as he waits for the Mister Popcorn Robot to bestow him with another morsel of goodness.
“Yeah,” is Yoongi’s verbose reply. He also has his mouth agape, his prone body lying side by side with his roommate of four years in their small living room. Their roomba (another one of Seokjin’s good ideas) cleans all around them, its steady whirring serving as their only source of background music. “Lowkey though, I think our position isn’t quite… as optimized as it could be.”
“What do you mean?” Seokjin asks, as he drapes his leg over Yoongi’s. His movement jostles the surrounding popcorn halo around them, as most of the food had missed their mouths by a couple of centimeters. At this point, the roomba has probably eaten more of the popcorn than the two of them combined.
“Nothing,” Yoongi shrugs, or whatever might be the lying down equivalent of a shrug. Some of the popcorn on his chest falls down, only to be quickly devoured by roomba-chi. Yoongi stares at the ceiling, tracing shapes out of the cracks that Seokjin had accidentally made when he tried using a pogo stick indoors. He points up, catching Seokjin’s attention. “Hey, hyung. Doesn’t that look a bit like Y/N?”
Seokjin squints. “You mean the mysterious brown stain near the lights? I think the toilet from the elderly couple upstairs might have leaked that.”
“No, you dipshit. The squiggly curve over there. It reminds me of her smile.” Yoongi says. There’s a stupid dopey grin on his face and Seokjin wants nothing more than to wipe it off.
“Jesus fucking Christ.” Seokjin groans, turning over to envelop Yoongi in a sweaty half-armed hug. The buttery residue on his arms and stomach leaves something to be desired, but Yoongi doesn’t scoot away. He only continues to sigh dreamily, staring mindlessly at the image of you that only his lovelorn brain can imagine.
Seokjin slaps Yoongi in the face. “Dude, get a fucking grip,” he grouses, giving Yoongi a serious look. The younger doesn’t break out of his trance, further irritating him. “Will you stop pining in front of my popcorn? It’s seriously making roomba-chi lose her appetite!”
To his credit, roomba-chi did seem to be slowing down, though that could also be because it had overloaded with popcorn and was seconds away from exploding. Wouldn’t be the first time, but Seokjin always managed to find a way to save roomba-chi from imminent death. She was like a daughter to him.
“Hyung, you know I can’t. I just… God, I really like her, you know?”
“That’s the third time you said that within the last hour. Believe me, I know.” Seokjin groans, shoving Yoongi away. He sits up, reaching over to the popcorn machine and switching it off. He grabs a fistful of fallen popcorn from the ground and shoves it inside Yoongi’s mouth. “There. That should shut you up.”
“Aw weawwy wike hew, hwung.”
“And yet, you still haven’t done anything after four years,” Seokjin tuts, finally standing up. He stretches his limbs, his joints creaking youthfully. He grabs his phone from the coffee table, nearly dropping it from the butteriness of his fingers. The clock reads 4:32 PM, which means–
“Yoongi, it’s time for me to head to work. You want to come with me today?” Seokjin asks, though he knows what answer he’s going to get. You see, Seokjin’s new booming business is another one of his fantastic ideas, but it is a little... inventive. Sure, Yoongi had scoffed when he had originally suggested the idea, but Seokjin knew that it was going to be a money-maker. Sure, it had taken a few years for the business to really take off, but once it finally did…
Enter Kim Seokjin’s Hug-o-gram Service! Students from his university are able to send anonymous payments directly to him, with little notes attached for their crushes. Each love letter delivery comes with a hug from Seokjin himself, delivered straight to the person without them ever knowing who the hug came from. It was ingenious! It was lucrative! But most of all…
It allowed Seokjin to cause drama and have an excuse for it! Nothing could have been more perfect for a man like him.
“No thanks,” Yoongi snorts, rolling over to face him. He watches from the floor as Seokjin changes into a butter-less shirt, which also happens to have his own face printed on the front and back. His trusty cardboard sign that reads “I’m Gonna Glomp Ya!” also joins his attire for the afternoon, a long piece of string tied to its edges so that he can wear it around his neck. Throwing on a pair of white sneakers with the tags still attached, Seokjin is ready to tackle today’s list of would-be hug-ees.
“How do I look?” Seokjin asks, combing his hair with his fingers. It leaves an oily sheen, which he somehow makes it work.
“Ugly,” Yoongi says, like a liar.
“It’s okay, I understand. I can speak tsundere, so you don’t need to explain,” Seokjin snickers, nearly getting hit with a TV remote by Yoongi. He opens his phone again, swiping to his e-mail to see his list of hug deliveries for the day.
Seokjin gets around 10 requests a day, with around half of them coming from regular clients. He’s especially fond of this boy who has been sending hugs to his TA named Namjoon for almost a month now. He has no idea why this kid has so much disposable income, though seeing the blush on Namjoon’s face everyday makes Seokjin think that he would spend every last penny for him too. Namjoon had begged Seokjin for his secret admirer’s identity, but snitchin’ isn’t a part of his service, unfortunately.
As much as Seokjin wants to know who is crushing on who, his little business wouldn’t work as well as it did if anonymity wasn’t included in his package deal. It allows people to thirst in public without facing the repercussions, like getting a knee to the groin or a slap to the face. Not that Seokjin has ever been at the receiving end of that; everyone loves him! Like, have you seen him? He must have saved a civilization in the past with how devastatingly beautiful his forehead is.
“Why am I suddenly filled with the relentless urge to deck you right now?” Yoongi says, getting up to change into clean clothes as well. His black t-shirt unfortunately does not have Seokjin’s face on it, but that can quickly be amended if the elder of the two decides to follow his every intrusive whim.
Seokjin laughs, completely unaware of the murderous capabilities of his friend. Due to his smaller body size, his percentage of evil is unusually concentrated. “Maybe it’s because you know that I’m into pain pla–” but Seokjin’s retort suddenly grinds to a halt. He chokes mid-sentence, coughing wildly as he pounds his chest with a balled-up fist. When Yoongi looks up at him, he finds his hyung staring slack-jawed at his phone, seemingly flabbergasted by what he finds on his screen.
“What’s the matter? Accidentally sent a dick pic to your prof again?” Yoongi snorts.
“That was one time! And no, it’s…” Seokjin trails off, uncharacteristically hesitant. He shifts his gaze from his phone to Yoongi, a drop of sweat quickly forming on the back of his neck. Yoongi raises a brow, silently urging him to continue.
Instead of replying, Seokjin hands him his phone. Yoongi finds a copy of one of Seokjin’s newest hug requests, only having just received it five minutes ago. As he scrolls down, he finds that this secret admirer is a new client, but that isn’t what made Seokjin stop in his tracks. Instead, it’s the recipient of the hug that catches his attention–
“Y/N has a secret admirer?” Yoongi says, voice cracking at the end. He clears his throat, trying his best to school his face into something less… jealous. He swivels away from Seokjin, forcing himself to breathe slowly through his nose. He convinces himself that he is the very epitome of calmness.
“You okay there, Yoongi? You look like you’re about to vomit,” Seokjin says, immediately breaking his inner peace. Yoongi groans loudly, shucking the phone over his shoulder, uncaring of where it lands. Seokjin, with his superhuman and God-given reflexes… doesn’t catch it. But he did dive to the floor like a seasoned Olympian, and his ass cushioned his phone so he supposes that’s a win.
Back to the matter at hand––
“I am fine,” Yoongi says, as he continues to not be fine.
From the floor, Seokjin shoots him a disbelieving look. He lies down more comfortably, propping his head on his elbows. Screw his hug-o-gram appointments for now; nothing brings him more joy than seeing Yoongi absolutely losing it. “Really? So you wouldn’t mind if I marched up to Y/N right now and give her the warmest, coziest, most tender hug of her fucking life?”
“Y… Yes,” Yoongi squeaks, neck glowing a furious red. He has his fists clenched (adorably) by his sides, head bowed as he faces the wall of their apartment. Seokjin’s brain makes the unhelpful comparison of Yoongi with that cat meme who says “no talk me angy” in Impact font.
Seokjin grins, his wickedness from within coiling and yearning to burst from his seams. This is it! Maybe if he pushes a little more, then maybe Yoongi will stop pining like a pathetic loser! Also, it didn’t hurt that he got to push Yoongi’s buttons while he’s at it, but hey! Not all heroes go to heaven or whatever.
He grabs his phone from his ass, scrolling back to the e-mail. “So… You wouldn’t mind if I walk up to Y/N right now and tell her ‘Hey! I’ve had an embarrassingly long crush on you and when I heard about this hugging service… I couldn’t miss the chance to shoot my shot! If you’re single and ready to #mingle, then please meet me at the Corner Cafe at 2 PM tomorrow.’” Seokjin sing-songs, snickering loudly when he sees the absolute pain etched onto Yoongi’s face.
There is a pause, and Seokjin waits as Yoongi uses his tiny kitty brain to think of what to do. He can only imagine what’s going inside his head, but he has a guess. Yoongi could either: 1) finally admit his feelings for you and come clean before Seokjin has to deliver your hug, or 2) do something stupid and counterproductive.
It comes as no surprise when Yoongi goes with option number––
“Hyung, let me come with you to work today,” Yoongi decides, walking over Seokjin’s prone body to their shoe rack. He slides into a pair of sneakers, his harried movements unusual for his customary lethargicness. He grabs a coat from its hanger, stomping his feet to get Seokjin to move faster. “C’mon! We have hugs to deliver.”
“Woah woah woah! Slow down there, Simpimus Prime.” Seokjin gets back up to his feet, skipping over to him. An absolutely feral grin is stretched upon his face. “Am I hearing what you’re saying? Are you offering… to deliver hugs with yours truly? Are you finally going to take up my offer to be an employee at Kim Seokjin’s Hug-o-gram Service?”
“Of course not,” Yoongi scoffs, but his shifting eyes betray him. He fidgets in place, refusing to return Seokjin’s eager gaze. “I just… wanted to go out for once. Yeah.”
“Yoongi.”
“What?”
“You haven’t left this apartment other than to go to class in over a month. You never go out. You’re an indoor cat!”
“I’m not a fucking cat,” Yoongi hisses, like a cat. “And of course I go out! There was that one time I went outside to pick up our food delivery last week.”
Judging from Seokjin’s unimpressed stare, Yoongi’s excuse doesn’t cut it. Yoongi flaps his arms around, defeated. “Okay, fine! I rarely go out! Screw me and the bounteous crapload of assignments I have due! It’s not my fault I don’t have the time to socialize and have fun. What do you want from me?”
What Seokjin wants is to push a confession out of Yoongi, not because he needs the confirmation, but mostly because he just wants to annoy Yoongi and say “I told you so!” He’s also pretty cute when he’s all blushy and tsundere whenever he talks about you. Should he film him and sell the footage on eboys.bb? He’s certain that goth boy over here would make a pretty penny.
“You like krabby patties, don’t you Squidward?”
“I have no idea what you mean,” Yoongi sniffs, nose upturned. He opens the door, not looking behind him to see Seokjin’s triumphant expression. “C’mon. Y/N’s last class of the day ends in a few minutes and we might catch her before she leaves the Science Building.”
Seokjin snorts. He is quick to slip his own coat on and he follows soon after. He locks their door shut, hopping over to Yoongi and matching his shorter-legged pace. “Yeah. Because you totally just know her schedule at the top of your head. You know, like a normal person.”
Yoongi ignores him. He trudges on, each step filled with determination as they make their way to Seokjin’s beat-up truck. Seokjin skips alongside him, observing the younger boy and placing bets inside his mind. The drive to campus isn’t that long as it only takes around 10 minutes to get there, but Seokjin guesses that Yoongi’s defenses will begin to chip away only 3 minutes into the drive.
He’ll start to realize the gravity of the situation, the cogs in his smooth and slushy excuse of a brain slowly comprehend what he’s about to witness. He’ll first think about how 1) he’s going to see you and that never helps his poor dainty grandpa heart and 2) he’s going to see you hugging Seokjin as he reads to you the short love confession from your anonymous Romeo. Seokjin bets that after 8 minutes, Yoongi will start to break out into a sweat, leaving gross perspiration marks on his good car seat leather.
After exactly 7 minutes and 34 seconds (Seokjin was keeping track of the time on his dashboard), Yoongi’s face turns an unflattering shade of green. “Dude. I don’t think this is a good idea.”
Yoongi had originally offered to drive the two of them to campus, but Seokjin had the good foresight to refuse. Had Yoongi been the one on the wheel, he would’ve brought them back home in an instant due to nerves. So instead, Seokjin speeds up, ignoring Yoongi’s soft whimpers of defeat.
“Too bad, but there is no turning back now. I have six deliveries today and I am not putting my livelihood on the line just because your balls have magically shrunk in size,” Seokjin snickers. He glances at Yoongi from the corner of his eye and feels the slightest touch of pity for the pathetic fool beside him. “But if it really makes you want to shit yourself from anxiety, we could save Y/N for last. Though, on second thought… That could also prolong your misery, which I will always be up for.”
“God, shut up,” Yoongi groans, slamming his head on the dashboard. Seokjin continues undeterred as he pulls into the campus parking lot, waiting for his friend to make up his damn mind for once in his life. He supposes that he is being a little harsh on Yoongi, but there are only so many sad love songs he can listen to without going completely insane.
Aren’t you tired of being nice? The demon on his shoulder cajoles, shoving the corpse of his angel counterpart somewhere down a ditch. Don’t you just want to go apeshit?
And who is Seokjin to deny his impulsive needs anyway?
“No, let’s… just get this over with,” Yoongi decides, head still smushed against his dashboard. He doesn’t make any move to get out of the car, not even when Seokjin shuts off the engine and makes a show of “leaving” Yoongi behind.
“Okay, lover boy. You have ten seconds to get your butt into high gear before I’m leaving you behind. And you should know that I’m not above playing dirty and giving Y/N the sweetest fucking hug of her life that will make her forget anyone else exists in this world, so you better start moving before I–”
Like lightning, Yoongi scrambles out of the car faster than if it had caught on fire (and Seokjin’s car has exploded before and Yoongi certainly did not seem as bothered to escape than he does right now.) He nearly trips over himself in his haste, getting caught by the car door and nearly receiving a concrete facial to boot. He straightens up with as much dignity as he can muster (which he doesn’t have very much of, if at all.) Seokjin is kind enough not to mention anything, but the shit-eating grin on his face is enough to make Yoongi bristle.
They exit the parking lot, looking to the world like the sun and moon had turned human for the day. Min Yoongi, with his all-black attire and gaunt appearance, is heavily juxtaposed with the man who appears to have been vomited on by a rainbow. They walk side-by-side together, accustomed to the stares that often come their way when they go out in public.
“I just can’t believe we’re doing this,” Yoongi moans for the umpteenth time, his movements stilted like a robot. His footsteps look heavily disjointed like his knees were beginning to rust. His arms swing like a pendulum, adding to the unnaturalness of his motions. Basically, he looks like a fucking idiot.
“Who are you calling an idiot?” Yoongi snaps. Seokjin startles a bit, realizing belatedly that he’d said that out loud. Not that he cares. Yoongi continues, “I’m not the one wearing a fucking cardboard sign that looks like a toddler made it with macaroni and glitter!”
“Hey, Taehyung told me it looked good,” Seokjin sniffs, fingering the macaroni pieces dejectedly. “I don’t need to hear an opinion from a Music major.”
“Shut up, Business major. No one likes you fucking snakes,” Yoongi retorts, crossing his arms. “Your definition of fun is going on LinkedIn and using Excel sheets.”
Distracted by their own quarrel, neither of them notice the sound of the large clock in the middle of campus that chimes every hour, signaling that it was already 5 PM. A few minutes later, hoards of students begin to leave university for the day, the walkways beginning to fill with people as they head home. Amidst the chattering and bustling of everyone trying to get out of the crowd, it is hard to notice that you are also one of the hundreds of people finishing your last class of the day.
But Yoongi notices, as he always does. Call it Y/N intuition, or whatever. “There,” Yoongi points you out over dozens of heads. Seokjin can hardly spot you, but he trusts Yoongi’s weird Y/N-dar to find you without fail. People have begun to notice the two of them, most of whom were whispering excitedly when they notice that Seokjin is in his work attire.
“Oh my god, someone’s getting a hug-o-gram! I wonder who…”
“Have you ever ordered one? I got one for my current girlfriend last month and that’s how we got together.”
“I’ve always wanted to send one, but the prices are insane! Fuck them business students and their capitalist ways.”
“Screw sending a hug to someone else! I wanna order a hug for me. Kim Seokjin is a hot piece of ass.”
(Yoongi swears the last comment had sounded eerily like Seokjin himself, but the older boy’s mouth hadn’t moved in the last minute.)
“Alright, Yoongi. Here’s the plan,” Seokjin leans closer to Yoongi, stage whispering into his ear. Everyone within a six-foot radius is eagerly eavesdropping, not even bothering to pretend that they aren’t. It’s common knowledge that Seokjin basks in their attention, anyway. Yoongi rolls his eyes, urging him to get it over with.
“Y/N is over there, right? Well, I have to send a hug to this guy named Mark Lee too, who just so happens to be over there,” Seokjin points behind them, in the opposite direction of where Y/N was heading, “so here’s my proposition. You go over to Y/N and deliver the hug for me, while I go catch up to Mark so that we can kill one bird with two stones!”
“Excuse me?” Yoongi wheezes, pushing Seokjin away from him. His eyes bug out. “Are you insane? I am not doing that. And the phrase is ‘killing two birds with one stone,’ you fucking idiot.”
“Same shit, Shakespeare! Who cares about numbers!” Seokjin exclaims, exasperated. “Listen, would you rather you hug Mark and I hug Y/N?”
“I would much rather prefer that I stick my whole fist up your anus,” Yoongi seethes.
“Interesting proposition, but maybe for a later time,” Seokjin says, not missing a beat. “Listen, dude. The longer we prolong this little bitchfest you have going on, the farther away Y/N is gonna get. You know I will stop at nothing to deliver her hug anyway, so would you rather you miss your chance right now when I am so magnanimously offering you a shot at getting closer to your crush?”
Even though Yoongi feels like his insides were slowly turning into mashed potatoes, he knows that he had already made a decision long before they left the house. Seokjin is right; this is a good opportunity for him, whether he is willing to admit it out loud. Perhaps it is just because it is Seokjin of all people who is egging him on that preprogrammed him into thinking that this was a bad idea. In all seriousness, it was just a hug, nothing fancy. It isn’t like Yoongi was going to have to kiss you––
(His heart contracts and Yoongi wonders if he’s having a stroke. The thought of your soft lips connecting with his is enough to cause the wind to knock out of his chest. God, Yoongi is so screwed.)
“Why must I always feel as though I am a snail and God is personally salting me,” Yoongi groans, stepping away from Seokjin and heading your way. Behind him, Seokjin hollers in what he assumes is friendly support, but it only further antagonizes Yoongi. The absolute buffoon waves enthusiastically from behind him, a beaming grin almost ready to split his face in two. Yoongi flips him off without looking back.
God fucking dammit. The closer that Yoongi is to approaching you, the stronger the urge to just evaporate like ice cream on hot concrete becomes. He can feel himself perspiring from every corner of his body and he just hopes that his black attire will do well to mask the slimy creature that he is underneath his clothing.
This is all Seokjin’s fault, Yoongi reminds himself. If he hadn’t started this stupid hugging service in the first place, then no one would have ordered a hug for you in the first place. Then Yoongi wouldn’t have to be in this stupid predicament either!
But you could’ve ordered a hug for her if you wanted to, says the annoying part of his brain – the same part that’s always been a little bit too hopeful for Yoongi’s liking. The whispers continue, And she wouldn’t even know it would be you! But more importantly…
“Seokjin wouldn’t know either,” Yoongi huffs irritably because he knows it’s true. The biggest thing stopping him from ever making a move on you, other than his debilitating fear of rejection and heartbreak, is the fact that he’d rather explode into spores than for Seokjin to find out that he’d used his “genius” business idea to get the girl of his dreams.
He’s afraid that one day, Seokjin would magically develop telepathic powers (a fear that Yoongi feels that the majority of the human population should also share) and find out that Yoongi doesn’t actually think his hug-o-gram service is dumb. It’s actually really cute, and Yoongi hates to admit that the success rate of his service is nearly perfect in terms of getting couples together.
But Yoongi is a strong (read: stubborn) man; he’d rather drop dead than allow Seokjin the satisfaction of seeing his business work out for his seemingly hopeless case. Which brings him to the present–
You’re standing by the entrance of the Sciences building. You are dressed nicely as always; Yoongi doesn’t think he’s ever seen you in anything remotely slobby, not even a pair of sweats like any regular uni student. You always look a little bit business proper: the epitome of someone who should be on the student council.
You’re speaking to someone, a younger male student by the looks of it. The hairs on Yoongi’s neck stand at attention and, God forbid, did he just fucking growl? Did he make that sound? By the looks of the students carefully navigating their way around him, Yoongi surmises that he did make that sound. Geez, is he some sort of animal? Is he going to turn into those feral stan accounts on Twitter that salivate over their K-pop boys like it’s their job? He hopes not.
But what if that’s the kid who sent the hug–
Yoongi shuts up his brain before he can let it finish. No, he can’t let himself go down that path. It’ll only cause him to self-combust right then and there, and he isn’t exactly keen on letting you see his entrails anytime soon. That would be the least cool thing to do, he decides. And so, with his brain turned off, he walks over to you, arms swinging robotically by his sides as he forces himself closer.
“Oh thank you so much, Y/N! You’ve been a real help to our club, you know?” The boy (Yoongi can’t believe they’re letting toddlers into university these days!) says, his eyes glittering with an ambition that still hasn’t been killed by the all-consuming dread that comes with university.
You laugh lightly, the sound causing butterflies to flutter excitedly in Yoongi’s chest. “No worries, Soobin. I’m glad I could be of help. If the editorial board needs any more help, don’t be shy to shoot me a message, alright?”
Soobin nods enthusiastically, his head bobbing up and down so quickly that Yoongi was afraid his neck would snap. “No worries, Y/N! Have a good rest of your week!” He waves a cheery goodbye, springing away with his numerous anime keychains on his backpack jingling softly in his wake.
“What a cute kid,” you sigh. You look incredibly fond, and Yoongi hates the bitter coil swimming in the pit of his stomach. That feeling soon fizzles out when you finally turn to face Yoongi. Your eyebrows shoot up, but your expression quickly morphs into one of pleasant surprise. Yoongi’s heart stops for just a moment, feet turning cold. “Yoongi! Oh my goodness, it’s been a hot minute since I’ve seen you! How’s it going?”
Let’s play a game, shall we? How many of Yoongi’s nervous ticks can you spot within the next five minutes? Think of this as the easiest game of Where’s Waldo ever!
“Hnng,” Yoongi stammers, his hand immediately going to scratch the back of his neck. His cheeks pinken, pupils shaking in every different direction as they try to focus on anything but you. It always feels like he’s standing way too close to the sun when he’s around you, hardly able to keep his gaze focused on you. He chooses to stare resolutely at your chin, but even your fucking chin was impossibly cute.
Seriously? Yoongi is a walking shitshow! His inner voice comes back, but this time it sounds uncannily like his roommate. Come on, buddy. Just say hi… You know, like a normal person. “H… Hey, Y/N.”
Success count: 1 point for the Yogurt Machine!
Even though Yoongi felt like he was living his worst nightmare, you still looked every bit like his favorite daydream. You are all smiles, seemingly unperturbed by Yoongi’s slow, embarrassing demise. “It’s so good to see you! Midterms haven’t been too hard on you, I hope?”
“I’ve been better,” he says. Better now that you’re here, he leaves unsaid. God, can you imagine if he said that out loud?
Your mouth drops open, soft cherry blossoms blooming across your cheeks. “Um, what did you say?” you squeak, embarrassed. But certainly not as embarrassed as the boy in front of you.
Yoongi stops breathing. He did not say that aloud, had he? Judging by the awkward silence stretching between the two of you, the signs are pointing to: yes. Ohmygodohmygodohmygodohmygo–– “Er, what I mean to say is,” Yoongi stutters through his sentence, his entire body flushing fire engine red like it’s nobody’s business. He must look like Satan’s spanked ass right now. “I… I’m here to deliver a hug!”
Confusion quickly replaces the shock on your face. You tilt your head, brows scrunching up cutely. “A hug?” you ask.
“R-right,” Yoongi says, waving his arms around because he has nothing else better to do. He gestures vaguely in the opposite direction, where Seokjin had left to find his other clients. “I’m, uhh… Helping my roommate. Have you heard of Seokjin’s hug-o-gram service?”
“Oh, yeah!” You hop excitedly in place, looking to all the world like the cutest thing in the universe. Yoongi thinks you should be classified as a public hazard, what with how you’re somehow able to give him diabetes just from standing next to him. “I totally heard about that! I’ve always wanted to send a hug, but I’ve always been a little shy.”
That piques Yoongi’s interest immediately. You wanted to send a hug? But to who? He unconsciously clenches his jaw, and he can feel a vein pop up near his neck. He forces himself to smile, but he knows it probably looks more like a grimace. “Oh really? That’s… I didn’t know you had a crush on somebody.”
Yoongi is too busy wallowing in his own self-pity puddle that he misses the way you gaze shyly up at him through your eyelashes, your hands clasped behind your back. “Y-yea… I don’t really go around telling it to just anybody,” you shrug as nonchalantly as you can. You clear your throat. “So, are you here to deliver a hug or something?”
Nothing gets past you, huh? Yoongi swallows thickly as he twiddles his thumbs. He still can’t bear to look at you head-on, afraid that his emotions would be too obvious if he did. (Who is he kidding… He knows he’s fucking obvious, and yet you never seem to get the picture!) “Yea, I am. I’m here to deliver one to you, actually.”
He doesn’t get to see your reaction, but he does notice the way your entire body stiffens. His mind immediately starts to run a minute, trying to guess why you’d suddenly gone stock still.
Did you know who your secret admirer was already? Or perhaps, were you just thoroughly shocked to receive one at all? That can’t be it… You’re the campus sweetheart! Surely it’s much weirder that it has taken eons for you to get your first hug… Or perhaps, are you so disgusted by the thought of him delivering the hug? Oh my god, what if you didn’t want him to hug you? Shit, this entire thing is a terrible idea! How did Seokjin ever convince him to do this stupid shit and get his heartbroken in the process? He swears he’s going to shove ten firecrackers up his ass the next time he sees him––
“Um, Yoongi?” You’re staring worriedly at him, your hand semi-raised as if you were about to wave in front of him. Did you say something? He must look like a fucking prick to you! He shakes his head, trying desperately to get his mind back into his body. Why must he be cursed with inner monologue disease? What is he, some sort of shoujo manga male protagonist?
“Sorry about that. I’ve been a little spacey these days,” he laughs, but even he can hear the panic laced in his voice. He sounds just on the edge of being hysterical. “Ahaha… What were you saying?”
“I was just… shocked?” You giggle softly, making Yoongi cry internally. You smirk, mischief glittering in your eyes. “I just never imagined you’d be the type to… I don’t know…”
“Willingly hug people for the sake of capitalism? I feel you,” Yoongi snorts, forgetting for a moment who he’s talking to. “Believe me, I’d rather drop dead than allow Seokjin to use me for his stupid business venture.”
“Then why are you delivering a hug to me now?” you ask, still smiling.
“Hnng,” Yoongi’s tongue feels like it’s grown two sizes all of a sudden. He wheezes, choking on his own spit as he’s caught off guard by your question. “W-well, I––”
“Just being a good friend, I’m guessing?” You’re full-on giggling now, barely trying to hide your mirth behind your hands. Yoongi understands now; you’re teasing him. He hates how amused you are by his awkwardness, but he loves the way your entire expression lights up, like you’re enjoying yourself by being with him.
“Let’s go with that,” Yoongi mumbles, scratching the back of his neck in embarrassment. He has his head bowed, hoping that his unruly fringe can finally come in handy and hide the disastrous blush encompassing his face. “Right… I’ll just, umm…”
“Am I getting my hug today, or am I gonna have to take a rain check?” You laugh, slapping his shoulder in an attempt to help him shake off the awkward tension. It has the opposite intended effect, as Yoongi’s breath hitches imperceptibly at your proximity. You had taken a step closer, and Yoongi could smell the sweet perfume you always seemed to be wearing. Please don’t pop a boner right now. That would be super fucking creepy.
“You’re…” Yoongi hesitates, arms uselessly immobile by his sides. He doesn’t know if he can even get them to move at this point, as he has lost all motor skills the moment you had focused all your attention on him. It’s a miracle that his heart remembers to beat every so often. “I’m just… I’m just gonna go for it, okay?”
You nod, hands tucked neatly behind your back. “No need to be scared, Yoongi. I don’t bite,” you joke.
God, if you only knew about the dreams I’ve had of you. Yoongi hopes to all the deities from up above that he had not said that aloud, but you don’t seem to be disgusted, so he can only assume that his traitorous brain had disconnected with his mouth for the time being.
He shuffles closer to you, the warmth of your body closing in as he makes the grueling effort to lift his arms up to gently wrap themselves around you, but before he can even fully hug you––
You’re quick to reciprocate. With a small laugh, you wrap your own arms around his torso, nuzzling into his chest with more force than Yoongi was expecting. He lets out a soft wheeze, mouth dropping open when he is assaulted by the smell of your fruity shampoo. His hands hover awkwardly above you, still unsure of where it’s okay to touch you without weirding you out.
You tilt your face up, eyes crinkling cutely by the sheer force of your grin. Both of your faces are only centimeters away from each other, and Yoongi could probably count your eyelashes if he so desired. His breathing stills as he becomes positively mesmerized by the beautiful sight in front of him. He doesn’t even hear the sound of phone camera shutters around him, as he is much too deeply focused on nothing but you, you, you.
“Hey, don’t half-ass your hug! Gimme a good ol’ bear hug!” you whine, nudging his elbows gently to get them to move. Snapped out of his reverie, Yoongi mechanically does as you say, his head completely empty of thoughts. He wraps his arms tightly around your shoulders, his wrist knocking slightly against the back of your head until you’re back to snuggling deep into his chest.
“Your laundry detergent smells nice,” you say, slightly muffled by his shirt. Yoongi lets out a breathy laugh, mostly out of disbelief more than anything. He can’t even begin to process anything right now; he feels like he’s reverted back into a single-celled organism.
“Thanks?” Yoongi squeaks, but you don’t seem to mind his awkward attempts at being a Normal Person™️. You crane your neck upwards so that you’re looking him directly in the eye. There’s a twinkle of mischief there, like you’re enjoying Yoongi’s flushed face a little too much. He honestly feels like he’s seconds away from exploding into tiny bite-sized pieces, and he fears that if you snuggle deeper into his chest, he might just do exactly that.
“So… Are we just supposed to hug for another ten minutes, or am I allowed to let go?”
Yoongi doesn’t even realize how long it’s been. You could’ve been hugging him for ten hours and he wouldn’t have known. Yoongi jerks away from you, nearly vaulting himself across campus by how quickly he lets you go. Thankfully, you don’t appear offended––you were more amused than anything. Yoongi has no idea how red he is right now; he feels like he could be blowing steam out of his ears, astounding anatomists everywhere by his peculiar talent.
“I just have to–” Yoongi pats his back pockets for his phone, clumsily pulling it out and looking for his text messages, “–read this message from your, um, secret admirer and then we’ll be good to go.”
“Great.” You nod at him enthusiastically. “Whenever you’re ready, Yoonie.”
Yoongi’s breath hitches right then, caught off guard by the nickname. Only you ever called him that, and it never fails to make Yoongi’s insides feel like molten lava every time you say it. “I… Yeah, here goes,” Yoongi mutters, trying his best to remember how to speak.
He recites the message with as much enthusiasm as he can manage, which is to say, not very much. He could probably read the phonebook with more zeal, but it’s hard to give it his all when the words feel like acid in his throat. He’s unconsciously clenching his jaw as he speaks, looking like a constipated gorilla. “...so, if you’re single and ready to #mingle, then––” Yoongi stops mid-sentence, staring resolutely at his phone screen with a grimace.
You blink confusedly. “Then?”
“Then nothing,” Yoongi finishes, pocketing his phone without an inch of remorse. “I don’t know what was up with that message, but somehow the letter got cut short. Sorry about that.”
“Huh, strange.” You shrug your shoulders, not bothering to question him.
Yoongi fist bumps himself mentally, though other people might disagree and say that he doesn’t deserve any type of congratulations, to which Yoongi says a big “fuck you!” to those imaginary haters. In the wise words of Kim Seokjin himself, “not everyone is worthy to receive your fucks, so it’s time to stop giving them.” (Kim, 2020)
“Well, that was fun! Thanks for delivering the hug to me, Yoonie,” you pinch Yoongi’s cheek, giggling when they turn even redder. “I’ll see you around, I guess? Don’t let those midterms kill ya!” You wave cheerily at him, walking past him and heading towards the bus stops. Yoongi stands frozen in place, the events of the last few minutes finally catching up to him and frying his brain beyond repair.
Oh my god, he fucking hugged you! Like, a good and genuine hug! You felt so warm and so soft and you smelled really good and it was more than he could ever imagine and just––
Yoongi’s brain is trying (and failing) to desperately parse the delayed barrage of information as it comes, but it’s hard for the little hamster running circles in his head when it has never had to run a day in its life. Yoongi’s body feels like it’s overheating even though the weather is nearing the start of winter, but that’s all thanks to you and the devastating effect you have on him.
In short, Yoongi machine has broken, and any sort of maintenance is going to be hard to come by at the moment.
Yoongi could have been standing in front of the Science building for an entire year and he wouldn’t have budged until a tornado in the form of Kim Seokjin arrived to knock him out of his brain dead state. Whistling lowly, the elder stops in front of the rigid mass of meat, an eyebrow quirked in exasperation. “Dude, nice rigor mortis cosplay. Like, yes girl, give us nothing!” he exclaims, slapping Yoongi back to consciousness.
Yoongi blinks rapidly, dazed like he’s woken up from a dream. “What? What’s happening?” he replies dumbly.
Seokjin rolls his eyes. “Yoongi. Did you finish delivering Y/N’s hug or what? I finished all my deliveries in the same time you had with Y/N, so I better hope to God you aren’t planning on applying to be an employee of mine, because you certainly have a long way to go before––”
“I hugged her,” Yoongi interrupts, eyes going glassy once more. His mouth is agape, and Seokjin can see a pool of saliva forming, ready to runneth over. He could see the rusted gears turning inside his dongsaeng’s head. “Oh my god, hyung. I fucking hugged her.”
“Yeah, and I hugged Taehyung Kim and felt his gigantic dick press into my stomach. You aren’t special,” Seokjin snorts, clasping Yoongi by the bicep. He drags him away, leading them to their parked car. “C’mon, Dampé. I’m tired and I wanna eat popcorn again.”
As they walk back to the parking lot, the campus roads are a lot less populated now that most students have gone home. Yoongi only then realizes how late it truly is and he vaguely wonders how long he had been stuck standing there before Seokjin had come to drag him back home. The sun has begun its daily descent, filling the courtyard with a warm glow and causing their shadows to grow longer as they trudge quietly to their car.
The campus is quiet enough that both of them hear the quiet buzz of Seokjin’s phone, despite him putting it on silent mode before he had gone on his hugging deliveries. He stops mid-step, causing Yoongi to bump his nose into his wide back. He yelps, shoving Seokjin forward in irritation.
“Why’d you fucking stop, you asshole?” Yoongi whines, his normal annoying personality resurfacing now that he’s begun to recover from your hug. He peers over Seokjin’s behemoth shoulders, squinting at his phone screen. “What? Another hug delivery?”
“Yeah. I’ll do it tomorrow since I think she’s gone home for the day,” Seokjin says, his tone sounding slightly too delighted for comfort. “In fact, I know she’s gone home already.”
Yoongi stills, changing his focus onto the elder’s expression. He looks… too eager to receive a simple hug-o-gram request. A shiver shoots through Yoongi’s spine when he realizes how nefariously bastardous Seokjin’s smile has grown, the tips of his smirk curling upwards like a villain from a classic Disney animation.
“What?” Yoongi glares acidly at Seokjin, but the elder is unaffected. In fact, he seems to grow more pleased the more aggravated Yoongi becomes. “Spit it out! What’s got your prostate tickled?”
“Oh, nothing,” Seokjin singsongs, shoving his phone down the front of his pants, exactly where he knows Yoongi would never touch. “Just got an interesting new regular customer, is all.”
“A new regular?” Yoongi’s pitch heightens, the hairs on the back of his neck bristling in alarm (like a cat.) “Is it… Another request for… You know who?”
“I wasn’t aware Voldemort went to our university,” Seokjin teases, thoroughly enjoying Yoongi’s distress. “Though, if you’re talking about Y/N, then the answer is not not not no.”
“Two double negatives.” Anyone could hear the audible soft rattling of his two brain cells exerting themselves as Yoongi deciphers his answer. “That means…”
Yoongi stares pointedly at Seokjin’s crotch, where the outline of his phone is glaringly obvious. “Show me,” Yoongi growls, not making a move to actually touch Seokjin’s nether regions.
Seokjin shrugs his shoulders. “No one’s stopping you from taking my phone though?”
“Hyung!”
“Buy me bubble tea first, then we’ll talk.”
“Fine,” Yoongi acquiesces, folding his arms in annoyance. “Just tell me. Is it really the same guy who requested the hug for Y/N today as well?”
Seokjin fiddles around for his phone, digging deeper when it nearly drops down the leg of his pants. When he pulls it out and swipes to his e-mails, he confirms Yoongi’s fear. “Yep. And it seems like he saw you deliver the hug today. Says that he’d prefer that I deliver the hug next time,” Seokjin smirks, enjoying the deep-set frown on Yoongi’s face.
When Seokjin takes a closer look at the order, however, he notices something a little off. “Hold on a sec,” he scrolls to the receipt, scowling when he sees the incorrect amount. “Well, you might be in luck, Yoongi-chi. Looks like loverboy sent the wrong payment. He’s a few dollars short.”
“What?” Yoongi says, for what feels like the tenth time in this entire fic. He grabs Seokjin’s phone, no longer repulsed by where it had been only a few minutes prior. Like Seokjin said, the customer had given the wrong amount, much to both their confusion.
“That’s weird, considering he just ordered a hug today,” Seokjin murmurs, shaking his head. “Oh well. Happens to the best of us. Guess I’ll just have to refund the poor sap.”
“Wait,” Yoongi presses the phone to his chest, preventing Seokjin from taking it. His hyung raises a brow.
“What is it?”
“What if I just… pay you the remaining amount? Then I can also deliver the hug to her and, uhh...” Yoongi mumbles the remaining part, but Seokjin has trained his ears to catch every whisper and mutter for moments just like this. He wouldn’t be where he is today if he didn’t perfect his eavesdropping skills to a spy’s degree. That’s right––Seokjin is a sloppy and nosey bitch and he’s not afraid to admit it!
“Oh? Do my ears deceive me?” Seokjin guffaws, pinching Yoongi’s cheeks for good measure. He hisses in response, but Seokjin isn’t afraid of some little kitten. Seokjin is a bigger bitch with a meaner bite. “Is my little Yoongi Woongi seriously offering to deliver another hug to Miss Y/N? How magnanimous of you.”
Yoongi stares at him, stunned for a moment. A few seconds pass before he shakes his head, faux disdain coloring his expression. “That’s right,” Yoongi huffs, detaching himself from Seokjin’s meaty claws. He keeps his gaze averted, like the big stupid tsundere that he is. “I’m doing this out of the goodness of my heart! I care about your profits, and I want to make your workload a little lighter! Isn’t that what you want?”
“Sure, let’s go with that,” Seokjin snickers, poking Yoongi in the tit. He swivels away, skipping merrily away to their parked car. “I’m expecting that cash in my Paypal by the time I get to the car, or else the deal is off. Make it snappy, loverboy!”
Yoongi had never transferred cash to someone so quickly in his life.
(Yes, not even when the food court on campus was doing a BOGO promo for churros. That’s the extent of how whipped his ass is, period.)
x x x x x
“This is probably the dumbest idea you’ve ever had,” Yoongi hisses, but it’s kind of hard for Seokjin to take him seriously when he’s wearing a cardboard sign around his neck that says ‘Huggie Wuggie Machine!’ in bubble font.
“Like, even worse than when we DIY’d your car into a convertible by sawing the top off?” Seokjin asks, genuinely curious.
“Worse,” Yoongi admits, trying his best to stay out of your line of sight. His cheeks redden, matching the gaudy pink kitten ears he was forced into wearing.
“Listen, I’m seriously not forcing you to do this,” Seokjin starts, even though he’s giving his utmost effort to further embarrass Yoongi by handing out flyers about Hug-o-gram’s newest employee. “Please, take one!” he cajoles, offering a flyer to a gaggle of giggling freshmen. “Make sure to reserve a hug within the week! Yoongi-chi over here is on his way to becoming employee of the month if he gets ten requests by Friday!” They all point and whisper at Yoongi, and he swears he hears one of them wolf whistle in admiration.
“That’s what makes this entire thing terrible. I’m doing this on my own volition, and I absolutely abhor myself for it,” Yoongi moans, grabbing Seokjin’s stack of flyers and smacking himself in the head with them. It probably would’ve hurt more when Seokjin still had a full-stack, but people had swarmed them the moment they entered the heart of the campus, everyone curious to see Yoongi in his interesting attire.
Seokjin might have been famous for creating the Hug-o-gram Service, but Yoongi was famous for hating the business idea, so it’s easy to understand why everyone was interested. (For good reason, he thinks darkly to himself.)
“Damn, Yoongi-chi. Looks like you’re trending on the campus Reddit page,” Seokjin laughs, wheezing even harder when Yoongi points him with a murderous glare. “What? Like you said, this was all your idea.”
“Yeah, but I didn’t ask to wear… whatever this is!” Yoongi whines, tugging on the string around his neck. The cardboard sign had been ready and prepared the moment they arrived home the other day, arousing Yoongi’s suspicions on Seokjin’s actual involvement in his current predicament. Those suspicions are put in the backburner for now, however, as Yoongi actually feels like he might die of embarrassment instead of the packets of MSG coursing through his veins from the ten ramen packs he ate this morning. Maybe both will kill him, if he’s lucky.
“Well, I would love to lend you my uniform, but I haven’t gotten a t-shirt printed with your face on it yet, so you’ll have to deal with the kitten ears and cardboard sign for now,” Seokjin says, patting him on the back. “Or, would you rather I have you wear a shirt with my face on it? I’m open to suggestions.”
“I’d rather swallow a Tide pod, thanks,” Yoongi says through gritted teeth. “C’mon, let’s move. We’ve been standing in the middle of campus like street clowns for long enough. We need to find Y/N because her class is about to end.”
“Street clowns, huh? I guess you are only missing the make-up to complete the look, especially since you seem adamant to keep honking your way through that sickening crush of yours.” Seokjin nearly catches a punch to the head, but his superior reaction time saves him from Yoongi’s sorely lacking physicality. He snatches Yoongi by the hand, dragging them towards your lecture hall. “C’mon, clown! Let’s honk this bread!”
As the two of them get closer to where you are, Yoongi’s heartbeat begins to accelerate. He wonders idly if he should see a doctor after all this, hoping that he hadn’t actually contracted heart disease due to all this stress. Lord forbid that he meet his end before he even gets to ask you out or something!
Even though he’s already hugged you once (and it was, by far, the most euphoric experience of his sad, miserable life), he still finds himself getting clammy hands at the thought of seeing you again. Nevermind the fact that he looked like a walking circus with his get-up… No, Yoongi refuses to think about it anymore, lest his last remaining brain wrinkle irreversibly smoothens.
The campus clock rings loudly, signaling the end of another block of classes. Students rush out of the buildings, with you being one of the first ones out for a change. When Yoongi spots your head of hair among the crowd, he doesn’t immediately notice what you’re wearing at first. In fact, it’s Seokjin who stops in his tracks for a moment, surprised by how you look.
“Woah, Y/N! Looking good,” Seokjin greets, rushing past Yoongi to envelop you in a hug. (A platonic hug, Yoongi reminds himself. Because unlike Yoongi, Seokjin is a normal human being who can give hugs to anyone he wants because he’s… fucking Seokjin! Lucky bastard that he is.)
“Woah!” You laugh, surprised by the sudden hug. You pat him on the back giddily, allowing him to swing you around a little. “What’s this all about? Am I getting a hug-o-gram again?”
“Yes, you are. But not from me,” Seokjin detaches himself from you, scooting away to point at Yoongi. When Seokjin moves away, Yoongi finally understands why his hyung had said you looked good. No, that was an understatement––you looked [redacted].
(For the sake of the author’s fragile ash-coated heart, she has chosen to redact Yoongi’s exact words to protect herself from slamming her head against a keyboard from how cheesy this fic is becoming. Let’s just say the word starts with a B and ends with an L. Make of that as you will.)
You must have come out of an interview or presentation of sorts because you were dressed more nicely than you usually do, which is a pretty big deal considering how put together you always looked. Your hair is styled nicely, obviously given much more care and effort than your regular appearance. You’re wearing a cute little black dress, long enough to be professional but short enough to give Yoongi breathing problems.
If Yoongi’s brain had a playlist, it would be nothing but the sound of him going HNNNNNNNNNG on repeat.
“Oh geez.” Yoongi curses lowly, smiling through the pain. This is fine, he thinks, even though it is clearly not fine. Yoongi has always been a terrible liar.
“Yoongi?” You sound incredulous, though that’s honestly a win in Yoongi’s book considering everything. You didn’t look disgusted, so that’s great. “You look…” You stop yourself, covering your mouth to hide your grin but your amusement is palpable. At least he made you laugh, he supposes.
“Like a fucking idiot? You said it,” Yoongi snorts, arms crossed defiantly. He’s trying to look intimidating, but with his cheeks puffed up and these abominable kitten ears on his head, he looks more like a grumpy cat throwing a tantrum. He juts a thumb at Seokjin, “Thank this himbo for the outfit. I definitely would have chosen something more… inconspicuous.”
“But where’s the fun in that?” You quip, still trying to mask your giggles. On the other hand, Seokjin was wheezing like a hyena, his phone pulled out and presumably filming Yoongi to add to his cringe compilation.
“Exactly what I said!” Seokjin says through his laughter, tears of mirth streaming down his face. He walks back to Yoongi, pushing him forward until he’s face to face with you. “Go on, then! We haven’t got all day!”
“I’m assuming you’re officially part of Seokjin’s hug-o-gram business now?” you ask, opening your arms wide to accept his hug. Like the beta male that he is, Yoongi has to be the one to follow in your footsteps, meekly coming closer to wrap you in an embrace.
“Let’s not get ahead of ourselves,” Yoongi mutters, tucking his chin onto your shoulder. He feels you vibrate with laughter, bringing a small smile on his own face. He likes making you laugh, always has.
With the cardboard sign serving as a barrier between the two of you, he isn’t as fearful of you feeling the erratic beat of his heart, though it wouldn’t be hard to guess if you looked at him. He closes his eyes, allowing himself to enjoy your hug rather than just panic through the entire ordeal like yesterday.
Soon enough, you’re detaching yourself from him, still standing close. Your arm is just a hair’s breadth away, and if not for Seokjin enthusiastically videotaping this entire experience, Yoongi might have closed in for another hug if he could manage.
“It’s always nice to get a hug from someone you like, huh?” You say, cheeks tinted a rosy color. The true meaning of your words flies over Yoongi’s head, as his feeble mind chooses to focus on your comment a little differently.
“I––Of course I like you! We’re friends, aren’t we?” Yoongi laughs nervously, unaware that he’s slowly digging himself into a ditch. To the side, Seokjin audibly slaps a hand to his face, body shivering with secondhand embarrassment from being blasted by the full force of how idiotic his friend actually is.
Yoongi sees you deflate a little, further confusing him. “Yeah, you’re right I guess…” You sigh, taking a step backward dejectedly. Yoongi flounders a little, unsure how he managed to fuck up in just a few seconds when you had just hugged him like your life depended on it.
Choosing now to interfere before the going gets rough, Seokjin steps in between and slings an arm around both of you. Yoongi groans under the weight of his arm, glaring when he notices that Seokjin had done it on purpose, but only to him. You don’t look too bothered by his rude gesture, albeit you were more befuddled than before.
“Hey, Y/N! I don’t know if you’ve ever ordered a hug-o-gram before, but I’m doing a special this week! Now that Yoongi-chi has so kindly joined the team,” Seokjin gives him a pointed look, to which the black-haired music major sticks his tongue out petulantly, “we’re doing a little promotion for first-time customers! Would you be interested in ordering one?”
Your eyes widen, looking like a deer caught in headlights. “M-me? Ordering a hug-o-gram? Well, I…” you hesitate, sending a small glance at Yoongi before looking away in embarrassment. “I would like to, but I don’t know if it’ll be well received, you see…”
Seokjin grumbles, silently cursing the stupid shithead who caused his own demise in the first place. The worst part is that he had no idea that he totally just friendzoned you! YOU! Someone who was literally leagues ahead of him. He sincerely has no idea what you see in this bumbling idiot, but everyone with a brain knows that you have been crushing on him for as long as he’s been crushing on you, so perhaps you’re a little bit of an idiot yourself for liking him back.
Being friends with the two of you makes him feel like he’s constantly wearing a sloppy wet diaper, and he hates it. He wants to wipe his ass as soon as possible!
Seokjin shoves Yoongi away roughly, ignoring his indignant squawks as he pulls you aside. He takes you by the hand, taking you a few steps away from Yoongi, far enough that he can whisper into your ear without the other boy hearing.
Yoongi fumes from the sidelines, trying to keep his emotions in check even though he’s bursting at the seams with jealousy. Not for the first time, Yoongi irritably realizes that he does act like a cat, especially in moments like this. He might make fun of Seokjin for being an attention whore, but Yoongi is the same, if only at a smaller scale. He just wants you to look at him, as selfish as that sounds.
Can someone give him a break? He’s been holding in his crush for four years now… Imagine having to take a massive shit after drinking two gallons of milk while being lactose intolerant, except every time you line up for the washroom, the line gets increasingly long no matter how long you wait. That is the extent of his suffering, he tells himself. So please, excuse his dramatics for this one instance.
(Seokjin’s Note: This fucking jackass is SO stupid. If he only knew how easy it is to ask you out, he would know that his emotional constipation could be solved if he just fucking ASKED where the next washroom is. He could have relieved himself ages ago, but NO! And he calls me the idiot! Me! The utter betrayal! I’m never agreeing to become the second lead to a rom-com ever again!)
When Seokjin finishes whispering in your ears, you appear amused by what he had said. Yoongi sweats when you turn to face him, grinning slyly at him. “Is that so…” you wonder aloud. Yoongi feels like the world has shifted on its axis somewhat, though he still doesn’t know exactly how. He has a hunch that he’s going to find out soon enough.
“Would I ever lie to you?” Seokjin laughs that annoying laugh of his, slapping his thigh in the process. He straightens up almost immediately, his expression turning deadpan in an instant. “Send me the details by tonight, and I’ll make sure to deliver it, okay?”
“Promise?” You ask, holding a pinky up towards him. Yoongi might have let out a high pitched sob when he sees the gesture, wanting nothing more than to cup your hands in his. God, if he already nearly died from hugging you, who is to say Yoongi won’t immediately disintegrate if you were ever to hold his hand?
“Promise,” Seokjin replies, linking his pinky with yours. He doesn’t forget to point a shit-eating grin at Yoongi, for good measure.
You pull away, looking happier than you did moments prior. You were absolutely glowing, filling Yoongi with a warmth that only you ever knew how to provide. He wants to make you smile like that all the time, wants nothing more than for you to live beside him, filling his walls with the sound of your tinkling laughter. You wave cheerily at the both of them, stepping away to head home. “I guess I’ll see you, then? I’ll make sure to e-mail you my request, Seokjin!” you say, winking teasingly. “Bye to you too, Yoongi! Thanks for the hug!”
Yoongi watches as you walk further and further away as the usual melancholy that follows whenever you leave soon takes its place in his soul. It might be his imagination, but Yoongi thinks the cat ears on his head might have started to droop to match his mood.
The only way he knows how to replace the sadness, however, is by redirecting those emotions on an unsuspecting victim. Lucky for him, a willing volunteer is already within punching distance.
“Ow! Stop punching me, you gremlin!” Seokjin whines, blocking Yoongi’s series of punches like a pro. He might as well put ‘professional punching bag’ on his resume at this point. “I’m trying to help you, you useless beta male!”
“How is this helping! You made me wear cat ears and whispered blasphemies into Y/N’s ears! Now she’s going to order a hug-o-gram for her crush and it’ll be the end of my chances with her! How could you!”
“I was not whispering blasphemies, you twittering tit! I was giving her advice,” Seokjin sniffs, annoyed. “Don’t say I never help you, by the way. I’ve been trying to help you for years now.”
Yoongi hits him with a steely glare. “Really? So replacing all my clothes in my closet with clown attire is your version of help? I had to wear those stupid clown shoes for a week before you told me where you hid my clothes, jackass!”
“I was only trying to help you physically express yourself! You’re already a clown on paper, might as well help you achieve your final form!” Seokjin huffs, infuriatingly haughty. “Listen, believe me. I only told Y/N something that everyone already knows anyway, so just shut your trap and let Daddy handle the rest. You’re not going to lose her, I promise.”
“Please never refer to yourself as Daddy ever again,” Yoongi seethes, stalking off towards their car. “Don’t ever talk to me again.”
“No talk, Yoobie angy…” Seokjin snickers to himself, following Yoongi with a spring in his step. This bastard is going to grovel at his feet by tomorrow evening, he’s sure of it. If he doesn’t, then Seokjin will bite his own dick in half––that’s how sure he is of his plan! (Not that biting his dick in half will do anything to his length; he’d still be left with eight inches, let’s be real.) All in good time.
x x x x x
Seokjin gets an e-mail the next morning, much earlier than any sane person would choose to be awake at. He groans lowly, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes as he tries to read the contents of the letter. When he’s satisfied by what he has read, he forwards the e-mail to Yoongi before allowing sleep to take him once more.
Sleep evades him, however, when the sound of Yoongi’s big feet pounds noisily outside his bedroom. He hits his knee loudly against the coffee table, causing their beloved popcorn machine to tumble to the floor, but that is of little consequence to Yoongi right now. No, he needs to get into Seokjin’s room right now and scream––
“WHAT THE FUCK?” Yoongi hollers, slamming Seokjin’s door open. The hinges creak, desperately hanging on despite the impact. Yoongi proceeds to slam a fist upon Seokjin’s ass, who barely flinches due to the fatness of his ass cushioning most of the damage. He blinks blearily at Yoongi, but the smirk on his face is clear as day.
“Came to claim your hug so early in the morning? Well, I usually don’t entertain clients until after I’ve taken a shower, but for you… I’ll make an exception,” he yawns, peeling back his blanket and patting the empty spot on his bed. “Come on in, Yoobie Boobie… Let’s hug like it’s the last day on earth.”
Seokjin fails to realize that once he removed his blanket, he had inadvertently left himself vulnerable. Yoongi slams the heel of his foot against Seokjin’s groin, causing him to shriek bloody murder at 7 AM. He wonders, amidst his pain, whether this might be the last straw and that their landlord will finally kick them out after years of their stupid shenanigans.
“WHAT DID THAT E-MAIL MEAN? IF IT’S WHAT I THINK IT IS…” Yoongi threatens, but it’s as empty as Seokjin’s butthole. They both know the implications of that e-mail, even a toddler can put two and two together and make sense out of it. Anonymous e-mail or not, Seokjin wouldn’t just forward any hug-o-gram request to Yoongi, unless…
What did the e-mail say? It goes something like:
Dear Mr. Kim,
Thank you for offering your special promotion for new time customers of your Hug-o-gram Service! I’ve always been a quiet fan of your business idea, but I’ve always been a little shy to submit a request of my own. Thank you so much for giving me the little push that I needed to send my first (and hopefully last) hug.
I’d like to send a hug to Mr. Min Yoongi from the Music Department. I understand that he has recently been appointed an employee at your business, but seeing as how it’d be difficult for him to hug himself (while not entirely impossible), I’d like to request that you be the one to send the hug to him.
I don’t really have a message for him, per se… I’m still a little shy, even though you already told me that there is no reason to be. I want to believe what you said was true, so I’m pushing my fear aside and putting my fate into your hands. So, to Mr. Min Yoongi… “When I told you it was nice to hug someone you like, I don’t think you understood what I meant. A hug, after all, is a two-way street. They’re often served the best when it is reciprocated, if you catch my drift. :)”
Peace! :3
Regards,
[Redacted] [Redacted]
“Have your brain synapses finished connecting? Because if even this flies over your head, I’m sorry to say buddy but… You might have smooth brain syndrome,” Seokjin pipes up. He observes Yoongi’s brow crumpling, the first signal of his impending mental breakdown. If Seokjin remembers correctly, the next signal should be when––
Yoongi drops down to his knees, his phone clattering to the floor as he stares absently at the ceiling. Seokjin cringes, worried for the state of his friend’s frail kneecaps. The poor sap has bad heart health already; surely, it isn’t too early to get him a life alert button?
Seokjin scooches over his bed, dangling half his body over the edge to appraise his friend. “So. What do you plan to do now?”
For a moment, Yoongi remains silent. Eventually, he shuffles closer to him, perching his hands around Seokjin. The business student raises a brow, confused, until Yoongi pushes Seokjin back onto the middle of the bed so that he can cram himself beside Seokjin on his small double bed. He huffs amusedly, allowing the smaller boy to snuggle into his chest, though he still refuses to wrap his arms around him. Close enough, Seokjin snorts.
“I need your help, hyung.” Yoongi’s voice is small, shy. It’s so uncharacteristic of him that Seokjin immediately softens. They might act like toddlers together the majority of the time, but Seokjin truly does care about Yoongi more than anything. During early mornings like this, when the sun’s soft rays are filtering through his sheer curtains and filling the room with a gentle warmth, it’s nice to cuddle up with one another and enjoy the silence. In fact, Seokjin would never admit it to Yoongi, but he got the idea for his Hug-o-gram service from Yoongi himself, back when the younger boy would be more prone to sneaking into his bed during his bouts of loneliness and homesickness.
Above all else, Yoongi is just a boy with a lot of love to give, so who is Seokjin to say no to his pleas for help?
“You know I always got your back, Yoongi-chi. Whenever you’re ready, we can do whatever you want. Ask and you’ll receive,” he replies, caressing his soft black tresses. Yoongi hums, smiling softly into his chest.
“Thanks, dude. For being… you know.”
Seokjin’s heart pangs a little, but he ignores it. Instead, he continues combing through his hair, humming gently. “I know.”
x x x x x
It’s been a few days since you sent the e-mail to Seokjin and you haven’t heard back from him. You aren’t sure if he sends confirmation e-mails to his clients as you’d never asked for a hug-o-gram before, nor did you know anyone who has. You are forced to continue on with your days like normal, trying to ignore the unsettling anxiety from creeping up your throat and spewing all over the sidewalk.
If Seokjin hadn’t been lying to you, then there shouldn’t be anything to worry about. You’ve been harboring this crush on Yoongi for years now, and you never thought in your life that it would ever be reciprocated. He always seemed a little bit detached, a little too cool for you. Never mind the fact that he always seemed so jittery around you, like it was hard to talk to you or something!
Your answer comes on the last day of the week, after an especially rough day at class. Your back is bent, having finished a grueling four hour lab period where you did nothing but stand and stare at your reaction vessel spinning without any signal of change. You are just a little bit hangry from all the stress piling up on your plate, especially since you hadn’t eaten a decent meal since breakfast at 8 AM.
In short, life isn’t going as smoothly as you’d hoped for your senior year, but you can’t let the blues get to you too soon. After all, there are leftover chicken wings in your fridge with your name on it, and nothing beats your meat more than greasy poultry to end a terrible week.
You’re only inches away from sliding your keycard to open your shared dorm room when the door opens without prompting. You flinch backward, yelping loudly when your roommate Park Jimin grins slyly from the doorway––never a good sign, if you knew anything.
“Fancy seeing you here,” Jimin says, leaning casually against the door like he hadn’t just scared the living shit out of you. He takes one glance at your disheveled hair and lightly sweaty clothes before grimacing in disgust. “Girl, I can’t let you meet the love your life while you’re looking like that. Come on, we have a few minutes before he arrives. Let’s get you freshened up.”
“I’m sorry?” You squeak, allowing your roommate to manhandle you into your own home. He pushes you into your room, depositing you roughly onto your unmade bed. You try to make eye contact with him, but he’s too busy raiding your closet to pay you much attention. “Excuse me? What did you say just now?”
“No time, princess! Your Prince Charming is on the way, and I’ve been ordered by Seokjin to prepare you for this life-changing moment, so get your ass into gear and change into this!” He shoves a clean pair of jeans and a nicer-looking blouse at you before proceeding to grab your hairbrush and comb your tresses with the gentleness of a mother tigress. You shriek when the brush gets tangled in an especially stubborn knot, but Jimin is relentless. He nearly tears your hair by the roots, ignoring your pained whines.
“Will you fucking stop! I have literally no idea why you’re acting like a psycho all of a sudden–” You shout when Jimin begins to undress you, having to kick him in the chest to get him away from completely eradicating your remaining traces of dignity. “Okay, fine! I’ll dress myself! Just get out of my room and fucking stay away!”
Jimin looks at you dubiously for a split second, before eventually acquiescing. “You have two minutes to get changed. You wouldn’t want to keep him waiting, do you?” he says, smirking knowingly. He better dread the day that you finally wipe that annoying twinkle in his eye; it’s been a long time coming.
Left alone to your own devices, you do as Jimin says even though you’re still wildly confused by everything. To think you had been so excited to feast on your chicken wings, and instead, you went through a decade’s worth of torture within the last few minutes. Patting your hands on the butt of your jeans, you meekly take a step out of your bedroom, where Jimin is already tapping his foot impatiently by the door.
He motions for you to hurry up. “Let’s go! Seokjin says they’re rounding up the corner. Hold on,” he steps closer to you, raising your arm up to take a shameless sniff of your pits. “Sorry, had to make a pit stop. You can never be too sure,” he shrugs, disregarding your squawks of indignation.
“I smell fine! Now what are we–” Your sentence is cut short as Jimin all but carries you to the elevator, your shrieks of terror causing one or two of your neighbors to peek their heads out of their doors. When they see it’s just the two of you, they simply shrug their shoulders, returning to their lives like it was normal to see Jimin carry you in a fireman’s hold.
He doesn’t put you down until you reach the lobby of your dorm complex, barely out of breath despite having held you the entire way down. Stupid buff baby, you groan internally to yourself, straightening down your clothes in a desperate attempt to look decent. “Okay, we’re here. Who am I supposed to be meeting?”
In lieu of an answer, Jimin points wordlessly outside your building. A black car is parked on the other side of the road, and you can barely see a familiar head of hair poking out from the driver’s seat. “Seokjin? What the…” you trail off, before your eyes finally land on their target.
Yoongi stands outside the glass doorway, not dressed in his usual all-black attire. He’s wearing an outrageously cute pink shirt today, matching the color of his natural flush. He always looks effortlessly good, with his hair a little windswept in that boyishly cute way. Your mouth goes a little dry when you realize he’s wearing his famous leather jacket, the one that always got the girls and boys swooning when he walked past in them. You hated how whipped for him you were, not wanting to be like the weird kids in his secret fan club, but who can blame you? He’s just so…
You rip open the door, nearly tripping and falling over the short steps leading to the entrance. You grind to a halt in front of him and you’re acutely aware of how rabid you must look. Your chest is pounding, like your heart is begging you to step closer, just like when you had hugged him all those days ago. God, you were going to kill Park Jimin for this.
“Yoongi? What are you…” You take one look at him before your gaze drops to his hands folded carefully behind his back. It doesn’t hide the fact that there is an obvious bouquet of flowers behind him, though. Your face lights on fire when you notice they were your favorite flowers too.
“I’m here to deliver a hug?” Yoongi says it like he’s unsure of himself, but there’s a little coyness laced in his tone. His cheeks are painted a soft pink, and not for the first time, they remind you of freshly baked bread pulled out from the oven. Soft enough to kiss, you wonder idly to yourself.
“I mean… I did order a hug a few days ago, but I do recall not ordering one for myself?” you laugh a little hysterically, your breath cutting short when Yoongi grins softly in response. “I… Who is this hug from?”
Yoongi takes a glance back towards Seokjin. “Hey, boss. Am I allowed to reveal who the secret admirers are, or will that get me fired?”
Seokjin, despite being a few meters away, laughs loud enough for the whole street to hear. “Well, Yoongi-chi. Something tells me your resignation letter was coming in the mail eventually. Who cares about the rules at this point?”
“He’s right,” you quip, pulling Yoongi’s attention back. You’re smiling wide now, your hopes and dreams skyrocketing in your chest and blooming a garden in your heart. “Who cares, right?”
“Right,” Yoongi agrees, taking the last two steps he needs to get closer to you. He drops the bouquet somewhere behind you before finally, finally, embracing you once more. He kisses you gently on the forehead, the contact short and sweet.
You feel like you’re dying, but it’s all good because Yoongi looks just as embarrassed as you. But none of it matters, not when both your happiness is palpable in the air.
“Y/N…”
“Yes?”
“This hug-o-gram is from me to you. Will you go out with me?”
You’ve always been a firm believer that actions speak louder than words. So when you lean in to plant your first kiss of many many more, he knows your answer well enough.
#bangtanarmynet#btsboulangerie#armiesnet#bts scenarios#yoongi x reader#bts x reader#bts reader insert#bts fanfiction#bts#bts imagines#bts fluff#college!au#min yoongi#yoongi#suga#yoongi scenarios#suga scenarios#yoongi fluff#bts suga#bangtan#bts fanfic#btsghostie#why am i even pretending like i write angst anymore... who am i#i feel like ive forgotten who i am LMAOOOO
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Hi! I know you love Haru and I'd love to hear your thoughts on what his personality is like? Not his bending or his ships, but just what kind of person he is. He was super undeveloped in ATLA and I'd love to understand him better and write about him!
hey, i'm glad you asked!! super flattering to have you come to me in regards to this question, and i've analyzed this guy to hell and back over the course of nearly a year now, so i'd be more than happy to give you my characterization of him
granted, it's pretty lengthy, and is heavily based on canon, hence why a lot of it ties to his bending, but i'll try my best to make it so that it's more about haru as a person, rather than his service to the plot
also makes me super happy to hear that people do want to understand and write about him!! that really does mean the world to me particularly, so thank you <3
with all of this in mind, here's a collection of my (pretty lengthy, sorry about that) thoughts:
haru being super undeveloped is actually one of the reasons why i find him so compelling- there’s so much you can do with a character of his caliber because there’s not much canon/supplementary material that can discredit your characterizations. canon, however, does actually supply a characterization of him that i’ve managed to compile and accrue over the course of finding nearly every single little detail i can find pertaining to him. this includes his canon episodes in both book 1 and 3, the videogame he appears in (which is straight up called avatar: the last airbender), and even the silly shorts.
(mild disclaimer, i know full well that the latter two i mentioned are considered non canon, but i like incorporating little bits and pieces of what they have to offer, as i don’t really have any other options. also, the videogames are the only supplementary material where he’s treated as a part of the gaang, so it’s the most personality you’ll ever get.)
i’ll start with main characteristics i try to keep in mind when writing him, and then talk about smaller, more innocuous details that i just find particularly fitting for him.
haru is:
emotionally driven. a lot of his decisions are more driven by emotion, rather than logic. this ties in with his impulsivity and morality. he’s aggravated by his position in the village as the only earthbender left, and this culminates into him still bending discreetly despite the inherent risk. he does this not only for himself, but to preserve the (possibly only) emotional connection he has to his arrested father. this is a similarity he shares with katara, who’s emotionally tied to her mother due to losing her, and haru is the one to understand what that loss really means in this interaction: “this necklace is all i have left of her.” “it’s not enough, is it?” by saying this instead of an apology or some other response, he shows that the feeling of loss she’s experiencing is mutually understood in a way that goes beyond just sympathy. there is nothing that will replace who you’ve lost other than the person themselves, and he understand that more than anyone. it’s also implied that haru doesn’t know if his father is still alive, as no one knows where the prisoners go, but it’s clear that he still holds a sort of hope that he’s somewhere out there, and that keeps him going. it just takes a little bit of outside influence for him to fully believe in that, as well as being reunited with his father again. in general, he’s also pretty receptive of other’s emotions, and is quick to come to their aid.
impulsive. not just impulsive, either- he’s got anger and resentment lying beneath his quiet composure. it’s not as bad as characters such as zuko’s, but it’s still worth mentioning. i’ll mention the impulse part first, though- generally speaking, haru reacts faster than he thinks. upon being spotted practicing his bending by katara, he runs away without pausing to consider the harmful repercussions of being found out (nor followed home). he not only runs away from danger as a first instinct, he also runs towards it in some cases, ironically enough- he’s the first one to notice and immediately run towards the mines once he hears/sees the explosion and suspects that someone’s in trouble. he does this without any prompting by katara, even if the act of actually saving the old man needed some egging on from her in order for him to accomplish. his impulsivity comes to a head in the form of his most dangerous act- him attacking the warden. i’ve already elaborated on that specific interaction here, though i will once again emphasize that haru had absolutely no plans past attacking the warden based on his body language, further fueling the idea that this was just a split second decision, one made on nothing but complete and utter impulse. to bring the anger aspect into this, he’s also unable to hold his tongue and insults the fire nation soldiers and even his town once the former leaves, and his instincts swing wildly between running and fighting on a dime with little in-between.
adaptable. instead of completely shutting down in the face of such a negative situation (and over the course of five years, no less), he brings it upon himself to practice bending, accept his role as man of the house and work in both the shop and on the farm, and other responsibilities that go unmentioned, especially when taking into account that his father is apparently the leader of his village. this is where you could start paralleling him well to sokka, which i have done before, but i will make this more haru-oriented. there is definitely a lot more to be inferred with this particular aspect of him, but i will say that it takes someone of strong will to adapt to the situations presented in his episode, and learning to live with the grim reality of fire nation occupation. to run down what we see again- soldiers freely patrolling the villages, soldiers overtaxing the villagers, soldiers entering wherever they wish unannounced, soldiers stealing away people in the night without much resistance, soldiers forcing villagers to work in the coal mines to gather the coal needed for their ships, and soldiers forcing captured earthbenders to build fire nation ships. this is all off of the top of my head, so i could be missing a lot, but again, seeing haru still be as morally oriented and determined as he is after all of this, it’s pretty impressive and telling of his adaptive capabilities. to take this one step further, he’s also extremely adaptable when it comes to working with others, as in the games he fills his role as a necessary component of the gaang without conflicting sokka or other preexisting roles, and in book 3, he finds his place amongst teo and the duke, taking the most initiative amongst the three.
lonely. a snippet from his personality bio on avatarspirit.net calls him “lonely and brave”, and i think that’s especially fitting for his character. he only had his mom for five whole years after every other earthbender was taken away, and this is without mentioning the ostracization he faced simply being one, given how the fire nation constantly demoralizes his country’s benders and likens them to savages. the village he lives in also appears to be full of old folks, so it’s not very likely that he had friends his age that were even in town, especially if we consider the circumstances of following book 2 episodes with the earth army recruiters. (it’s also unlikely that his friends are alive if they did join the army- take a gander at this line from zuko alone: Gow: Just thought someone ought to tell you, your son's battalion got captured. You boys hear what the Fire Nation did with their last group of Earth Kingdom prisoners? Soldier: Dressed them up in Fire Nation uniforms and put them on the frontline unarmed, way I heard it. Then they just watched.) furthermore, it’s not likely that haru could’ve left his little village prior to its occupation- the games imply he’d been to omashu previously, but the circumstances of the war make this unlikely, unless he was super young. given his not always pleasant attitude and sullen expression we sometimes see him with, it’s not hard to imagine that the effects of him being so alone without the connections he needs has affected him deeply.
some other things:
-he’s horrible at lying (”they’re crazy! i mean, just look at how they’re dressed” is that really the best excuse you could’ve come up with??). -he doesn’t like keeping his hands/arms still (arms are usually crossed, sometimes gestures as he talks, hands usually balled as if expecting a fight). -he’s pretty outwardly expressive (for someone who’s supposed to be hiding most of the time, he tends to wear his emotions/intentions on his sleeve). -he can’t bite his tongue (especially when it comes to something that goes against his personal beliefs). -he doesn’t know how to react to touch (katara hugging him takes him by surprise both times, and he doesn’t reciprocate often, if anything he reacts stiffly) -he’s particular about his appearance (notably in the games, he makes negative comments about people touching his hair, and there’s also. sokka’s comments in book 3. sigh.) -he’s considered dangerous/sensitive by others (note sokka’s comments in book 1, and katara’s comments in the school time shipping short) -he lives a busy personal life (works both in the family shop and on the family farm, and has probably had to work in the coal mines at some point, though this is speculative) -he’s not above poking/having fun (in the games, he’s not above making fun of sokka and his comments about benders, and jumps at the opportunity to ride the omashu mail chutes) -he’s family oriented (count how many times he talks about his parents, it is many times i assure you, it’s important to note that he’s one of the few atla characters to actually have both parents as well as a decent relationship with them) -he has a tendency to idealize. he talks about his father fighting against the fire nation even when horribly outnumbered. it wouldn’t be surprising if he idealized the ideal of rebellion (which would later bite him given that:) -he’s a part of the first successful earth kingdom rebellion. this is mentioned on the wiki, and is unfortunately not shown in the show. it should’ve been, though. -he’s dramatic. he has an entire cliff he brings katara up to just to be dramatic and spill his sad backstory. he needs to be encouraged to save the old man, but he does it in the most dramatic way possible- he really didn’t have to stop the entire avalanche AND push it back into the mines. drama king. -he is very lucky. this can apply to anyone who encounters the gaang, but honestly, given his personality and a few things i’ve mentioned above, it’s a miracle that he’d survived as long as he did without detection nor suspicion. -he’s creative. (this one is much more speculative, but he does create huge statues of katara and ty lee pretty quickly, maybe he’s done similar things before)
to summarize: he’s a lonely impulsive idealist who isn’t afraid to throw hands if necessary and is also very attached to his dad <3 his connection to his dad makes up at least 75% of his personality
#hope this helps! i'm real sorry this took me so long#feel free to send another ask or message me if you'd like more details on anything!#this is the haru analysis i promised way back whoops#here it is now#hope yall enjoy#haru#atla haru#haru atla#atla#avatar the last airbender#character analysis#haru analysis#ask#unacaritafeliz#original#do you people see what i mean by brainrot now. do you see#he has such little screentime and yet i have ALL OF THIS to say. what the hell#baffling to me truly#but yes i truly do love him and it shows#also how could i forget the most important part! he’s gay <3
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skin starving
tony stark x f!reader fluff. no warnings, just a few f-bombs. touch starved tony’s third person pov. words: 2,5k. no beta because i just really needed to get this off my chest.
recommended music to go with the story: two feet - 'love is a bitch' & 'quick musical doodles'. Or any lo-fi hip-hop radio really.
It started as an itch. At first, a small but bothersome thing, that kept him up at night, steering the already unreasonable hours of wakefulness into dangerous territory. The cold of his bed was unappealing and more often than not, he’d started passing out on the flat surfaces nearest to him: workshop, lab, common room couch, the lazy boy in Bruce’s apartment.
The team noticed, of course, they weren’t blind. They all had been on edge the first few months after Pepper left him. They expected him to act out, lock himself up in his lab or go back to his old habits of boozing and bringing home a different girl every night. And he had tried that, once or twice, but airheaded twenty-somethings weren’t appealing anymore. Most of the time their ass kissing and blatantly flattery annoyed him further into self-loathing abyss. He simply couldn’t step up to be the kind of man they described him to be - it seemed as if every woman on planet Earth had a whole list of expectations he specifically could not meet.
With Thor off planet, not one remaining person on the team was particularly touchy-feely. And that was the thing with Tony Stark: as an engineer, as a mechanic, he made his way through the world hands-first, every approach he had was hands-on. During late nights and early mornings, he laid in bed, sleepless and dreamless, desperately refusing to admit his own touch starvation.
Whenever Rogers threw an arm around his shoulders during a particularly successful team bonding activity, it took every ounce of willpower Tony had to not lean into it and purr like a cat. He hadn’t truly forgiven Steve for his cold, cruel words of criticism shortly after Pepper’s departing. He wasn’t going to chummy up to a man who thought him selfish, opportunistic and self-absorbed.
Tony became irritable and withdrawn. He simultaneously craved and avoided even the casual, friendlier attention his teammates gave him on a daily basis. His usual snark became that much more biting, having caused several people to storm out of team meetings.
On a cold autumn morning, Tony had found his way at the tower’s Starbucks on the employee floor. He had squeezed a generous five hours of restless sleep and he was sick of the plain black coffee in his kitchen. A spontaneous desire for something sweet and creamy and caffeinated led him to the place in line at the cafeteria, only a few early birds ahead of him.
Tony’s brain was hazy as it had been past few weeks, dull from the lack of rest and the hyperfixation of his own skin feeling alien to him. For once, he wasn’t typing away on his StarkPhone as he usually did to avoid being bothered; Tony stared straight ahead, unseeing, nothing but white noise in his usually racing brain.
Two women stood in front of him and he couldn’t help but overhear a part of their conversation.
“… Are you really horny or just lonely or touch-starved, though? I mean, Tinder? It’s not really your style.”
“Eh, I dunno. Probably the second but it’s not like men go on Tinder to find a cuddle buddy.”
“Well, maybe? I’ve heard about arrangements like that.”
“No offense, babe, but it’s probably kids in their early twenties. Those gen-z’s, babe, are weird. I’m not really up to date on all of that.”
The topic of the conversation was what piqued Tony’s interest; the world liked rubbing salt into his wounds and hysterically laugh at his misfortune. Bleary-eyed, he briefly scanned the two women: both appeared to be interns or junior techs in his company, evident by the purple employee badges hanging from their bags.
“So what are you going to do?” One woman asked the other as their turn to order took Tony one step closer to obtaining his desired caffeine.
“Unless someone normal magically appears with an offer of no-strings-attached, good ole’ snuggle fest, I guess I’m getting dicked down on Saturday,” The other replied with a teasing tone. The lack of excitement in the last part of the sentence was obvious.
“Gross,” The first one shook her head and hurriedly rattled off her order to the barista who looked about as disgruntled as Tony felt.
Hours and three coffees later, Tony’s overactive brain was still stuck on that woman from the cafeteria. Her back, her purse stuffed full of colorful manila folders, her neatly gathered hair - Tony Stark had nearly perfect memory and he remembered every single detail despite his brain fog. Objectively, she was attractive, no more no less than a different dozen of women he’d seen at any point in his life before. So why was he hung up on her?
It didn’t take him a long time to find her file, faster than he’d liked to admit. Manually sorting through hundreds of interns, lab technicians and various second-tier employees wasn’t exactly considered productive but with Pepper and her nagging out of the picture, Tony could afford to slack off a little bit.
So he found her name and her e-mail address, skimmed over her performance report with satisfaction, finding her to be a busy bee in the 90-th percentile. Her superiors considered her trustworthy, hard-working and communicative, all good traits.
Pepper’s absence meant he’d have no one to cover his ass should he get slapped with a harassment suit; however, he was the Tony Stark after all. He had more money that he’d cared to count and an army of lawyers at his disposal 24/7.
Amidst the jumbled mess of wires, circuit boards, tablets, empty coffee cups and the occasional piece of paper, Tony typed up an e-mail to the woman sharing his… Condition.
“I heard you and your friend talking at Starbucks. I could use a cuddle buddy. Wine and Netflix at my place? What’s your takeout preference?”
No. That came off way too creepy, like he was some kind of a dirty eavesdropper.
He contemplated some more, typing up and erasing multiple e-mails with various proposals: his penthouse, her place, a three Michelin star restaurant, a walk in the park. Almost all of it screamed ‘date’, like he’d drag her off to bed the very moment an opportunity wouldn’t present itself. It wasn’t so: Tony Stark, the playboy genius, had his dick firmly tucked into his pants. The thought of fucking her crossed his mind only briefly, quickly being chased away by the thought of her fingers running through his hair. Her warm, soft body in his arms. Just laying on his couch, eyes closed, reveling in each other’s arms.
Tony hit send on the least obnoxious option. He baited his breath, clicking his fingers in anticipation as the message showed itself to having been delivered.
“Mary, is this you trying to be funny? Stark is going to fire you if he finds out you’re impersonating him to stop your friend from going on a questionable date. Grow up.” Came the very prompt reply, ending with a short string of angry emojis. Tony could totally trust a person who used emojis unironically and generously.
“For the record, I wouldn’t be mad if somebody pretended to be me for the sake of saving their cute friend from a creep. The problem would be making it look credible.” Tony typed up the answer without thinking, quickly snapping a picture of himself holding the Starbucks cup with his name written on it, throwing his usual sloppy peace sign. He attached it to the email and hit send.
“WTF” Came the reply not a minute afterwards. He let it sink in, giving the woman some time to gather her wits. She did not disappoint. “Okay, even if we pretend this is real - which I doubt - what’s in it for you? If you heard our conversation, you surely know my stance on the matter.”
“I’m always glad to prove you wrong. I’m a genius - comes with the territory.” Tony simply couldn’t resist adding a generous dose of snark. “You’re welcome to meet me after clocking out. Use the private elevator, my AI will beam you up.”
The reply took a considerably long amount of time, seeing as previously, she typed back rather quickly. “Please don’t be a creepy rapist, Scotty. Fingers crossed.” Tony managed to almost break his stylus twice. His hands shook, and he had to tell himself to breathe - still, he laughed at the clever way she replied.
Several more hours later, during which Tony had nearly paced a hole through various floors on the residential side of the tower, he took a quick shower, dressed in a flattering but comfortable designer sweatpants and polo combo and made himself at home on the obscenely large living room sofa on his own, private penthouse floor.
He was up and running towards the elevator when Friday’s voice notified him of the woman entering the elevator on the employee floor. Tony tousled his hair, adjusted his glasses, fiddled with the drawstring of his pants.
The woman was wearing casual office wear, pants and a loose blouse, a lab coat loosely draped over her arm and her purse hanging off the shoulder on a thin strap. Her hair was loose now, a little frizzy as if she continuously ran her hands through it. Tony quietly rejoiced at not being the only nervous one.
Clever eyes scanned the room with unhurried interest before finally landing on him. “Not too shabby, if I say so myself,” The corners of her mouth tilted in an attempt at a smile, it was obvious she was studying him.
“Thanks, I try my best,” Tony smirked. Humble he was not. “So, how do you want to do this?”
“I see a comfortable couch,” She looked to be grateful for being given the opportunity to lead this interaction. “Let’s park our behinds on it, bicker for ten minutes about a movie choice and settle on one none of us really like. Then we can tell each other our no-no zones and, well, yeah,” She started out confidently. Probably practiced in the elevator. But towards the end, her shyness took over.
For Tony, it was kind of cute. A nice change from suck-ups that flocked him at every social gathering in hopes of getting something out of him. The woman that had tossed her bag carelessly on the far end of the couch and untucked her blouse looked and felt like the exact opposite of those people. She looked willing to give.
Tony sat next to her, keeping a couple of inches of free space between them. “Food preferences? Food allergies?” He asked, tapping the food delivery application.
“Nope, and I will eat just about anything.” He felt more than saw her side-eyeing him. Both of them were jittery. So uncharacteristic for Tony, to be blushing and stammering like a high school boy. Sex was easy, but intimacy? Complex. It was addictive and eventually, painful.
Movie decisions were surprisingly easy and she said so. They settled on a Tarantino classic, an old flick neither of them had watched in a long time. As the discussion progressed, Tony used his wits to find out more about her without making it seem like an interrogation. He had run a background check on the woman and her family but those only went that far, besides, it was a great opportunity to practice the tips Natasha had shared with him at one point or another. Being friends with spies had it’s perks.
They ate their food until their bellies were full. A comfortable, relaxing stupor, being warm from the inside out.
Tony noticed when the woman spoke, she spoke with her hands. She had caught herself grasping his forearm multiple times when they’d got more passionate about their discussion. And what Tony loved the most was that she refused to apologize. He saw a kindred soul in the woman; quiet until something struck her fancy. Then, she became a whirlwind of ideas and opinions.
In no time, it became a natural action to extend his arm and wrap it around her shoulders, reclining backwards. There was little grace in laying belly-up like a dead fish but the woman didn’t seem to mind. Watching him out of the corner of her eye, she laid down sideways, throwing a leg over one of his own.
Her palm traced the outline of his arc reactor when something on the screen caught her in a moment of intense interest. Tony preferred to avoid the cursed thing - scars around it definitely did not do any favour to his aging, marked body - but he found himself exhaling the tension when it was obvious the woman really did not care. An occasional quiet hum of satisfaction was the only noise that came from her: he noticed the sound escaped her lips every time his thumb began fiddling with the sleeve of her blouse and rubbed against her arm.
He was quite content. It was warm, he was surrounded by so much warmth.
The hug was mutual when she left home, both of them comfortable with the gesture for people who had met in a rather unconventional way.
She started coming over a couple of times a week, a quiet evening of the best takeout in NYC and (mostly) interesting movies. A solace, always a single e-mail away.
Tony saw her in the cafeteria once or twice; he appreciated the brief, tiny secretive grin she gave him out of her friend’s eyesight. She never approached him. He was grateful for that. He didn’t want to deal with all the drama and all the fuss surrounding incidents between him and his employees. It was nobody’s business what any of them did after clocking out - and him and his cuddle buddy, they weren’t even fucking, for Thor’s sake.
Maybe they would get there someday. Or maybe they won’t. It was only now for Tony. The rare free Saturday night he had, he truly took a vacation from all the bullshit and lured her in with promises of very expensive wine, her favourite New York style pizza and the willingness to entertain watching a few of those funny YouTube videos she liked.
They did watch them and Tony didn’t mind. He stepped over the irrational fear and the initial discomfort and curled up around her, hiding his face in the soft cotton of her worn hoodie, his own breath tickling his face in warm puffs. The hand running through his hair was tender like it never was with Pepper - his ex was far too preoccupied to baby her grown-up boyfriend. But the woman moulded to his body like an extension of himself was happy to do so. Tony’s hair was longer now and it glided perfectly along the woman’s palms.
His heart was steady, thumping in his ears, overshadowing the noises coming from the TV. He exhaled and felt her other hand begin tracing circles on his back, as if she saw the stress and the bitterness leave his body with every caress, every brush of their bodies. Maybe she did?
He held onto her, held her back like she’d held him. Safekeeping the warmth inside of him. Guarding his peace.
#tony stark x reader#tony stark x y/n#tony stark fluff#tony stark feels#bun writes#bun writes: drabbles
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The Flowers Always Know
Description: When a mad scientist uses you as an experiment while you’re on holiday, the Heroics only just manage to save you. And in your recovery you become very close to the leader of the group. (Slow burn)
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Language, some mild smut.
Link to Masterlist
Comment: All I can say is: I’m sorry. My head is a strange place.
Chapter 29
“Marcus!! Oh, get that sweet tush over here and hug me, and you better make it a good one after you’ve neglected to visit my cave for longer than these magic hands care to remember.”
You already loved Velma.
“Hey, Vel. I’m sorry, I’ve been preoccupied.”
He did hug her, and properly too, as well as about 10s longer than what would be considered socially acceptable for mere friends, without either of them seeming to find it weird or awkward at all. You still loved her.
“Thank you, my darling. You’re forgiven. Now, tell me what you’ve brought me?”
He beamed at you. He really did love any opportunity to show you off, but he seemed especially pleased about this introduction.
“Velma, this is my fiancé. Hermosa, as you’ve undoubtedly gathered – this is the one and only Velma.”
“Your fi… You’re getting… And you’re here. You brought her to me! Are you…?”
“Yes. I am. On both counts.”
“YES!! Thank the Greek fucking Gods!! A wedding-dress, and for you, my darling, of all people! Thank you.”
“Well, technically it’s for her.”
“Oh, no, sugar. The dress is for the groom. The shoes – are for the bride.”
She finally set all of her glorious attention on you.
Velma was a drag-queen, and the most awe-inspiring individual you’d ever seen. Everything about her was superior. She was taller than anyone else in the room, helped by fucking spectacular plateau shoes, she was broad-shouldered and muscular to boot. She carried herself like an empress, with a kind of stillness and real elegance, despite having so much flare and finesse to her. And even though she was covered in colours and sparkles, she somehow looked like she would belong absolutely anywhere. And when she actually looked you in the eye, you could almost feel her read the pages of the book that was your life, and yet, there was nothing intimidating about it.
“Well, now. There’s a lot of story here, isn’t there?”
“A bit. Yeah.”
“Mm. Alright then, come with me, darling. I demand to know every little detail about the woman my Marcus has chosen.”
She turned dramatically, and headed for a side-door in the studio workshop where you were, and you looked at Marcus with a wide grin.
“She’s coming to the wedding.”
“Don’t worry – she’s on the list.”
“I don’t care about any list. She’s coming. I need that amount of sparkle at my wedding. And I’m not just talking about the clothes.”
He chuckled happily as he watched you literally skip over to the open door, and disappear inside.
-----
Three weeks later, you finally got around to getting your house sold. It was a fairly quick sale since the neighbourhood was nice and the yard was bigger than most other properties on that street. And since you didn’t really need the extra money, you could give the young couple that fell in love with it, a kind price. You weren’t really particularly sorry to see it go, but you were very happy to see it fall into the hands of people who would appreciate it. For a long time, that house had been your refuge, your safe harbour when life got hard, and you wished that it could be the same for someone else. You put the bulk of the money in your savings-account, and ear-marked the rest for wedding-expenses. There still wasn’t really any actual planning going on, as far as dates and times and venues were concerned. But you and Marcus were still getting through a lot of the stuff that goes on around the actual day. You’d settled on what colours you wanted for the flowers, and what types they should be. You’d had an almost outrageously fun day last weekend, trying out the recipes for all the wedding-cakes you’d both found online. And after soiling literally every inch of the kitchen with flour, and tasting so many different cakes your taste-buds had eventually given up, you had managed to conclude that you wanted a lemon-flavoured one. Missy had tried to get you onto the chocolate-train, but you’d held your ground, with the promise that there would indeed be chocolate present, just not in the cake. You’d completed the guest-list, and chosen the invitation cards, but they were safely stowed away in a drawer, still unwritten. It wasn’t that you were stalling or didn’t feel ready. You were just genuinely enjoying the preparations, and not having that deadline made them feel like they were just fun things to do over a weekend, rather than things you had to do to be ready in time. Especially since Missy loved being a part of it too, it made the whole thing feel like a prolonged family event.
By now, the only thing that was still on the prep-list was Marcus’ suit, but you’d both agreed not to make any decisions on that until you’d seen what Velma did with your dress. You’d spent two whole days in her cave, getting your measurements taken and your skin-tone evaluated. There were about a hundred things about your body that she’d wanted to know, but you trusted her with your life already, so you’d happily complied. Plus; any excuse to spend time with her was a good one. Work was finally becoming manageable again, as you’d finally caught up on all the stuff that was trailing behind, and you were deliberately keeping any and all new projects firmly steered in other directions or delegating them onto other designers. You had enough on your plate with just getting through the already started ones, on top of the wedding-planning. Today had been a good day, so far, and you’d decided to go and find Marcus and see if he had time to join you for lunch. When you approached his office, his door was open and you could hear Tech talking. Not wanting to interrupt, you stopped outside and out of sight, while you waited for their conversation to finish. You picked up your phone to send an e-mail while you waited.
“I can’t believe that building was still standing after that.”
“Crushing lost control for three seconds. Let’s just be grateful it wasn’t longer.”
“Oh, I remember that time back in the beginning when he was out of it for like 20 seconds.”
“I think most of Colombia remembers that, too.”
“Probably.”
“Hey, um. Speaking of losing control…”
“What?”
“Well, there’s a certain office on the other side of the building that gets a fair bit of noise-complaints.”
You snapped out of your e-mailing and instinctively turned your head to listen closer.
“Stay out of it, Tech.”
“Hey, I’m not the filing them, and I never will. I’m all for healthy appetites. Just wondering if you’re aware of the fact that a lot of people are talking about you guys?”
“So? Let ‘em talk.”
“Sure. But they’re not talking about it being a nuisance or inappropriate. They’re talking about how the hell you can keep it up for three hours straight sometimes. Is that true, though?”
You weren’t sure if you wanted the ground to open up and swallow you, or if you wanted to go find these people and tell them to mind their own business. There was a brief pause before Marcus answered, and his voice was a bit lower than before.
“It is. I seriously can’t get enough of her. Ever. No matter how tired I get, I can always go another round.”
“That’s kind of amazing. How do you ever get anything done?”
“I have no idea.”
“Any idea when the knot-tying might be happening?”
“No. I’m dying to do it, to the point where I have to repeatedly tell myself not to just beg her to go to Vegas with me. But I also really wanna get it right, you know? Not necessarily perfect; just right. Right for us. And I want her to feel ready, so that she can just relax and enjoy that day, whenever it happens.”
Your heart swelled to an almost painful size behind your ribs.
“I am ready, honey.”
You stepped over the threshold and watched as his expression turned from confusion to realisation as he saw you.
“You wouldn’t have to beg. I’d go to Vegas with you right now if you asked. I’ve told you; I don’t really care how it happens. I’m enjoying the preparations and everything we’re doing together, but even if nothing ever got used, I wouldn’t feel like I missed out on anything. You’re the one that wanted the traditions, remember?”
Tech excused himself at that point, and closed the door behind him after he left.
“Do you still want all that, Marcus?”
He looked so torn.
“Damned it… Yes. I really do.”
“Then let’s pick a date. Let’s find a place that feels right and let’s make it happen.”
“Are you sure?”
“Are you ready?”
He shot up from his chair and was suddenly holding your waist, staring into your eyes.
“Ah, mi novia, I’ve been ready for a long time.”
His hands migrated down to your ass, and you let him squeeze you to him. You were wearing a simple blue summer-dress today, and he quickly found his way underneath it, letting his hands run up your thighs and relieve you of your panties. Then he pulled you along to the sofas, sitting down and urging you to straddle him. It was almost strange how calm it was. The two of you were always so heated, so passionate whenever you came together, to the point where it was almost always beyond your control, or at least, on the very edge of it. But this time, there was no tearing at each other’s clothes. No hands desperately grasping, needing and demanding more. No burning heat that made you feel empty and aching until he entered you. The heat did come, but gradually. With each caress, each tender kiss and each movement of your bodies together, it slowly built from an ember to a flame. Your walls actually allowed him to move inside you this time, and as you rocked yourself over him, a completely different kind of pleasure to what you’d become used to with him, built inside your core and seemed to reach towards your heart, instead of your sex. After a while, he turned you both to the side so he could lay you down and settle himself on top of you, and that feeling that was creeping towards your chest, drastically intensified. He drove into you in long, strong thrusts that buried him as deep as your bodies would allow, each time, and his throat made involuntary little sounds of pleasure every time he returned into your wet and welcoming warmth. It took you nearly thirty minutes to build to a climax this time, and when it finally hit, it was strong in a completely different way than it ever had been before. Your bodies didn’t curl or clench in on themselves, there were no involuntary power-outbursts, no levitation. But it felt like you were underneath each other’s skin. Like your hearts actually melded into one through the intricate contact of your skin and nerves. It was utterly overwhelming and there were tears streaming from your eyes throughout the whole climax. And they didn’t stop, even after you’d come back down. There was no pain or sorrow anywhere inside you in that moment, so you concluded that these were tears of pure love and you made no effort to stop them. You just held him close and waited for the feeling to burn itself out. He burrowed his face into your neck while you laid there, feeling the tears as they passed over onto his cheek on their way down, but making no comment about them. He knew what they were, and it made him love them too.
You took a late lunch together, and since the pills were working perfectly and the lab had been able to produce several months-worth already, you could enjoy eating like a normal person these days. Marcus really did miss your stomach-bear, though, and he would occasionally drop comments like ‘this is one of those moments when mama bear would have roared’, and you felt a little bit sorry for him. It was like he’d lost a puppy. While you ate, you started discussing what places you thought might be nice for a venue.
“Churches are nice, but a bit… I hesitate to say ‘stuffy’.”
“Yeah. They feel so formal, like you’re not allowed to have fun, and I really want us and our guests to feel like we’re allowed to have fun.”
“Definitely. So, what about restaurants?”
“Not my thing, if I’m honest, hermosa.”
“I figured. Pavilion?”
“Now, we’re talking. A big one, with lots of decorations and a dance-floor!”
“You and your dancing.”
“Oh, no; you’re the dancer, remember?”
“And your foxtrot is adequate, but your waltz needs some work.”
“Thanks. So, do we know of any potentially available pavilions, or are we gonna have to build one?”
“Don’t you worry about that, sugar-plum, if it’s a pavilion you’re looking for – I know the perfect one.”
Velma approached your table, wearing an even more daring outfit than last time you’d seen her. As always, she made a show of eyeing Marcus up and down and making appreciative noises to showcase his hunky-ness. And, as always, Marcus just smiled and let her do her thing.
“Where is it?”
“Didn’t I just tell you not to worry? I’ll take you to see it later if you want, but for now – I need to borrow your little cherry, here. Time to dolly you up, hon.”
“It’s finished?”
“Literally seconds ago. I came to find you right away, I need to see it on you before I can definitively say that it’s done.”
Marcus beamed at you both while Velma slipped her arm through yours and led you back to her cave.
Somehow, you’d expected it to be difficult to get into, or at least require assistance, but it wasn’t. It wasn’t a big or flaunty thing, nor was it heavy or complicated in its design. And yet, there was something so special about it. It was snow-white with a hint of gold to the shimmer in the fabric, to match the rings. It was an off the shoulder style dress, with long sleeves in the most beautiful lace you’d ever seen, that carried over into the body of the dress as well, though it was purely ornamental there, as the actual body was made from satin. From the waist down, there was no lace, but tiny golden details had been sewn into the satin and it made the dress come alive somehow. The skirt was cleverly designed, so that it billowed out just a little, but without getting puffy, and it was still just two layers, making it easy to handle and comfortable to move in. There was no train, but she had made you a vail in the same exquisite lace, in case you decided that you wanted one.
“Oh, my. Honey… I thought it looked gorgeous on the mannequin, but damn! You make this dress.”
“It’s perfect, Velma. It’s everything I didn’t know I wanted.”
“Marcus is gonna swoooooon…”
“He’s gonna love it.”
“Well, just make sure to have someone strong standing next to him so they can catch him when he inevitably goes down.”
You just smiled at her.
“Oh, and thank you for the shoes. You’re right, I’m gonna love these a lot more than the dress before the night’s over.”
“You got that right, Cherie.”
You met up with Marcus as soon as you were done in the cave, and the smile that lit up his face when he saw you carrying the special box that housed the dress, shoes and vail, could have put the sparkles in Velma’s very short skirt to shame.
“You actually have it? It’s finished?”
“It’s right in here.”
He looked positively squirmy with anticipation.
“And it’s even more beautiful than anything you’ve imagined. Trust me.”
He chuckled.
“I do.”
Velma took you out to see the pavilion she’d mentioned, and it really was perfect. It sat on several acres of green lawns and meadows, with a large pond not too far from the structure. You could have the ceremony out on the grass, overlooking the water, and put up a canopy over the tables and chairs for the dinner and cake. And then move over to the pavilion for the dancing and fun-times. There were huge old oak-trees framing the entire area, giving the whole place a bit of a fairy-tale feeling.
“Marcus, we have to pick a date. We have to find out if this place is available for us.”
“Oh, don’t you worry about that, honey-bun. It’ll be available whenever you want it.”
Velma gave you this knowing look and you gawked at her.
“You own this place?”
“For a long time now. I only use it for very special occasions, and I don’t go blabbering about it to every Joe and Willy looking for a party-house. But for you, my turtle-doves, it’ll always be available.”
By the time you went to bed that day, you’d not only picked a date, but completed and sent all of the invitations as well. You were going to get married on the ten-month anniversary of when you first opened your eyes and saw him by your bedside, which gave you roughly a month to get everything ready. And since you had everything pretty much figured out already, that wasn’t going to be a hard deadline to keep.
Or, so you thought.
But the day before the wedding came at you like you’d somehow fallen asleep at the wheel going 200mph down the highway. Suddenly it was all happening. And while you were totally ready emotionally, you were also just not ready over-all, and you woke up that morning feeling sick. Actually sick. Marcus was too excited to get more than 4h of sleep per night in the week leading up to that day, but he didn’t want to disturb you, so he’d gotten up and left the bedroom some time earlier that morning. You walked into the bathroom to splash some cold water on your face but it didn’t do much to alleviate the nausea, so you gave up and just got dressed instead.
“Hey, alma, are you okay?”
“Yeah, sweetie, just feeling a little overwhelmed I guess.”
“You sure?”
“I’ll be fine, don’t worry. The wedding is happening, come hell or high water.”
“Good.”
“Where’s Marcus?”
“He got called in to work really early, some crisis with a blue-whale, I think.”
“Okay, well, then I’ll drive you to school.”
“Are you sure you shouldn’t just take a sick-day?”
“I’m not gonna be helped by sitting here wringing my hands all day. Let’s go, Maid of Honour.”
She smiled at that, but then frowned.
“You’re not gonna have breakfast?”
“Kid, I’ll be happy if I can keep the damned pill down this morning.”
You dropped her off and went to work, intending to treat this like any other Friday. But when you stepped into your office, there was a weird smell that just set off all your senses, and you had to duck over the first available trashcan and vomit. Since your stomach was empty, all that came up was bile, and that somehow made you even more nauseas.
What the fuck was that smell?
You abandoned your office and headed for Marcus’ instead. It smelled fine, so you sat down at his computer and used your own login to access your files and get to work. But after about an hour you’d had to visit his bathroom three times as your stomach continued to try and cough up shit that wasn’t even there, and you gave up, and headed down to medical.
You had just intended to ask for some anti-nausea medication, but because of your medical history, they insisted on an exam to rule out any possible delayed complications.
You left medical in a daze, not even realising where you were going before you found yourself back in Marcus’ office. You sat down in one of the sofas and just waited. You didn’t dare to even try and feel anything without him there, because you were afraid that you might suddenly feel way too much, and you needed him to be there, to keep you calm if that happened. Some time later, Crushing ducked his head in and had to almost shout to get your attention.
“Huh… What?”
“I said, Marcus went home straight from the mission, two hours ago, he had something he wanted to get done for tomorrow. So, there’s no need to wait for him here.”
“Oh. What time is it?”
“Almost five.”
“Shit…”
“Hey, you okay?”
“I hope so. Yes. I mean, yes.”
“Want me to take you home?”
“No, I’ll be fine, thanks Crush.”
You drove home being almost ridiculously cautious and you laughed a little at yourself when you parked the car, next to Marcus’. You were surprised to find the front door locked. You never locked the door when you were home. They must have gone out on foot for some reason. Fishing your keys out of your bag, you unlocked it and stepped inside, and you were just about to call out to see if anyone was home, when you heard a sound that made every hair on your body stand straight up. It was a mechanical sound, a machine of some sort. You couldn’t identify it, but your body sure as hell remembered it. Walking into the living room, a fear unlike anything you’d ever felt before, flooded every cell inside of you. Your own blood rushing in your ears drowned out the sound of your keys and handbag falling to the floor, as you tried to take in what you were seeing.
Tubes… wires… computers… machines… bags of liquids… chairs that weren’t chairs but fucking instruments of torture. Two of them. One for Marcus… and one for Missy. And right in between them – Dr. Prince.
Authors’ Note: I love criticism, don’t be shy to let me know if there’s anything you like/don’t like/have questions about.
@blueeyesatnight @farfromjustordinary @allmyspideys @hrk-fic-recs @strawberryperegrine @lucrezia-thoughts @computeringturtle @sarahjkl82-blog
#marcus moreno#marcus moreno x reader#marcus moreno fic#we can be heroes#we can be heroes fic#pedro pascal fanfiction#pedro pascal characters
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Of Muffins, Coffee and Other Miracles - Pt.2
Of Coffee, Brownies and-- Frack
Pairing: Matt Murdock x reader Word count: 2210
Type: Two-shot, reader insert
Warnings: swearing, tons of fluff and cheeky/cute Daredevil/Matt
Summary: You’re a secretary at Landman and Zack, having an office on the same floor as the interns. You notice one of them (which you might and might not have a crush on) seems down lately, so you decide to cheer him up the only way you can come up with. You bake muffins; right after your life is saved by a cheeky vigilante.
Part 1
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“Wild night out?” a male voice made you snap from your dozing and you straightened in your chair with a startle.
Oh shit. Oh fuck, you were so fired.
You look up to the man who addressed you, relieved it was only Foggy – one of the interns. He wouldn’t report you, right?
“Uhm… not sure I would call it wild, but… strange for sure.” Not every night you get to be kissed by a vigilante, even if only on your temple.
“It wasn’t drugs, right? Because drugs are bad,” he whispered, looking around for anyone who could hear. You smiled at him tiredly.
“I know. Not… that kind of strange. What can I do for you… Foggy, right?”
“Yes!” he confirmed cheerfully, until his smile fell. “I’m sorry, I don’t think we were introduced. You’re…” he eyed the name on your desk, repeating it dutifully.
“That’s me,” you confirmed with a nod. “What can I do for you?”
“Oh! Right. My friend, Matt, he’s interning with me here, I’m sure you saw him around. He’s… well, blind.” Oh, I did see him around. “Usually, he gets the copies of the files in braille, but today… whoever is the good soul doing it for him forgot or something and… I have no idea where to find a braille printer here and you seem to know your way around…? And you also look like you’re not gonna fire me for asking.”
You found yourself smiling in the presence of the cheerful man. “Only if you promise not to tell anyone that I was basically sleeping.”
“Deal.”
“Thanks. You have the file? I can print it. Honestly, anyone who knows where to find that printer or how to use it wouldn’t have the authority to fire you. Just send it to me and I’ll drop it in your… your…” you stuttered, unsure how to finish that sentence.
“You can say it. It’s a closet.”
“It is, isn’t it? But which one?” you played dumb, because… reasons. You shouldn’t have known where they were, you didn’t need it. Why would you? Yeah, I’m sooo subtle…
“Oh, the one down the hall.”
“Okay. Just e-mail me the file number and I’ll deliver.”
“Really? You’re amazing.”
“I wouldn’t go that far,” you laughed nervously. Amazing. You didn’t think – scratch that, you were sure your boss never called you that, and you were saving his life on daily basis; he wouldn’t even sign a paper unless you handed him the pen.
“See, that’s where you’re wrong…” Foggy pronounced, pointing at you. Then he seemed to realize something. “You said not many people know where to find that printer?”
You shrugged. “Not really, I guess. It’s on the fourth floor, but it’s next to impossible to go there unnoticed by people guarding printers and they are bitch to talk to, so if you ever need anything just tell me, I’ll do it for you. I’m sure your life is enough depressing in that… cubicle.”
“Hm… okay, thanks a lot!” He spun on his heels, walking out.
Weird.
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Dropping off the files in the right closet, you were confronted with… your crush. You might have not realized it before, but… yeah. You were confronted by Matt Murdock himself and you were suddenly very sure you had a crush on this man. Crap.
The thing was… he was his typical self, which meant… really charming. He stood up from his desk when thanking you, learning your name, shaking your hand. He gave you one of the nicest smile you had ever seen, his grip firm, but gentle; you just stuttered when saying ‘nice to meet you’, stumbling out as quickly as possible, shaking your head over your own inability to communicate like a normal person.
One thing you noticed about Matt that day though was that he had a rather angrily looking gash next to his right eyebrow – whether he ran into a door or something else happened, you didn’t know. But you were glad you had baked the previous night, secretly leaving your backup lunch to ease the blind’s man pain.
You were stuck hungry because of that; you couldn’t make yourself regret it.
You were a hopeless case.
And a liar on top of that, because you had said it wasn’t ‘like that’ just few nights before. Perfect.
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It was raining that night, so you didn’t leave a snack for the vigilante who apparently kissed crime victim’s temples. Maybe the next night.
Or never, because he would avoid you forever, realizing that you were as far from his Lois Lane as you could be. Which was probably a good thing.
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You looked up from the screen at the sound of someone knocking. It was unusual – the door was always open, so people normally just waltzed in.
Matt freaking Murdock was standing in that open door, holding his walking cane and a cup holder in one hand, his other hand on the glassy door. You blinked in surprise at the sight. And god, he was such a sight for your sore eyes…
“Anyone in?” he asked carefully and you fought the urge to face-palm. He couldn’t see you watching him – which might be a good thing, considering you were shamelessly staring.
“Yes! Hi, Matt. What can I do for you? Someone forgot to print case files again?” you wondered when you gathered yourself.
He smiled, turning your direction, walking towards your desk.
“Uhm, no. No, I came to… say thank you.”
Did you hit your head in the shower this morning?
“Uhm. You’re welcome, it really wasn’t a big deal.“ You mentally praised yourself for so many coherent sentences. His smile only grew wider.
“Here. Uhm, I was told you were a bit tired yesterday, so I figured you might appreciate a coffee. One’s black with sugar, which should have ‘B’ on the cup, and the other one is vanilla latté with ‘V’. I had no idea which you might like.” He held out the holder for you to choose.
You had definitely hit your head. What the hell? Or rather… what the heaven?
“I… you really didn’t have to do that, Matt. That’s… thank you, but… it was just a file. Anyone would do that.”
You found the V cup, taking it hesitantly as if it could explode in your hand.
“Well, for one, that’s not true, especially here, and… it’s not just for the file,” he offered with a cute smile.
It wasn’t the smile that sent your heart racing. Well, it was, but also the thing he was implying— did he somehow figure out you were his… secret muffin-maker? Well, shit.
“I’m not sure-“
“People by the printers on the fourth floor are next to impossible to sneak by – that’s your words, not mine. Next to impossible, but not completely. That suggests you know how to do it. I imagine the bosses wouldn’t be happy finding out you’re using the printer to write notes for miserable blind interns, so sneaking under radar it is.”
You pressed your lips together, squeezing your eyes shut, cursing mentally. And out loud. “Frack.”
“So, you know. Thank you. The muffins were delicious. They did make my day much better,” Matt assured you and an unfairly warm feeling spread in your chest. Maybe it wasn’t such a disaster he found out.
“There’s no way I’m finding a way to prove you wrong, is there?” you sighed. “You should reconsider your career choices, you would make a great detective. Glad it worked. I know that muffins can’t fix all the problems of the world, but occasionally, they can save the mood.”
“Not wrong there. I... uhm… the coffee is the best thank you I’m capable of. I hope my debt is paid.”
Well. That made more sense. “You didn’t have to-“
“That came out wrong. I wanted to say thank you, to erase a potential debt, because I was…”
You tilted your head to side, waiting what brilliant end that sentence would have. For once you weren’t the one who apparently didn’t know what to say.
“I was wondering if you would want to go for a coffee sometime? Or a dinner, maybe? Not as a thank you.”
Throw the incapability to speak up back on me, why don’t you. You blinked in utter shock, your knees buckling a little. Come again? “Not… not as thank you. You’re… you’re sure of that?”
“Hundred percent positive.”
You were certain you heard wrong. Which was easily possible given how loud your pulse was in your ears.
“Oh. Uhm… yeah. Okay. Sure. Just… just to be clear, since it’s not a thank you-“
“It’s a date. If you want it to be,” he added quickly, his confidence slightly shaken.
“If I want it to be…” you muttered under your breath incredulously. “Is the sky blue?”
“You tell me, it’s been a while since I’ve seen it last time,” he replied, grinning. He was so not supposed to hear that. Dammit.
“Oh my—… yeah, last time I checked it was still blue.”
“I’ll take that as a yes, then.” He shoved his hand into his pocket, pulling out a phone, holding in out for you. “Would you enter your number in it, please? First name’s enough. I’ll call you.”
You finally set your cup down and took the phone from his hand, still not quite believing this was happening. Your fingers brushed his lightly when doing so, nearly sending you into a cardiac arrest. Jesus.
“Sure. You don’t have a distaste for black coffee right? Because I can totally switch the cups, I haven’t even sipped mine yet,” you mumbled as you were entering your number.
He laughed. “I like black coffee.”
“Noted. And number saved.”
You returned the phone to his extended hand. “Thanks. Dinner or coffee? I would offer a lunch, but the muffins appeared during lunch-breaks, which suggests you’re not leaving the office.”
“Detective, seriously. Dinner?” you asked, unsure.
“Dinner it is.”
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Dinner it was. And an amazing one. Matt picked the restaurant wisely – nice, but not too expensive, because neither of you were exactly rich (not that it mattered, because Matt was a gentleman who wouldn’t let the woman pay for the food, definitely not on the first date) and that way you could have a dessert without remorse; financial one anyway.
Matt saying that your muffins were better after eating a chocolate brownie was just the icing on the cake of how… sweet he was. He was even more wonderful than you had thought, but despite becoming a lawyer and working between the sharks, he was a down-to-earth person. Not playing any… leagues. And you had fun. His sense of humour was refreshing and he was apparently more than capable of smiling and laughing as cheerfully as his friend. He was a freaking sunshine and you found yourself drawn to the warmth and light like to a magnet.
He walked you home, looking almost disappointed that the night was ending, which was a sentiment you shared wholeheartedly.
“If I wasn’t so full, I would invite you upstairs. I have muffins,” you whispered as his hand travelled up your arm, wavering in the crook of your neck and he leaned closer to you.
The corners of his lips rose a little higher at your note and you were honestly regretting he was still wearing his dark red-tinged glasses. You would like to see his eyes to complete the picture.
“Well, I would say I’m sorry, but I’m actually glad. I… I really enjoyed tonight. I wouldn’t want to screw up.”
You could tell he hesitated, his thumb caressing your neck in silent question. You leaned in as well. ”I can’t really imagine you screwing it up, Matt, no matter what you would do. Unless you‘d wake me up now.”
“Is that a permission?” he breathed out an inch from your lips.
“It’s a plea.”
He met your lips softly, retreating too soon.
“Please, don’t wake me up,” you mumbled, not sure you wanted him to hear it.
“This is a goodnight kiss,” he reassured you lowly, kissing you again, caressing your lower lip and making your knees unfairly weak. “We’ll work our way up to a good morning one. If you’d like.”
You brought your hand to the back of his neck, keeping him close just in case he was getting any ideas and you returned the kiss, nibbling on his lips just a little. He let out a content sigh, his fingers tangling in your hair, his body shifting closer to yours.
“Probably sooner than later,” he mumbled against your mouth, making you smile and hum in agreement. You added ‘excellent kisser’ to the mental list you were making about him. Hot. Sweet. Gentle. Funny. Smart. Ray of sunshine. Gorgeous smile. Likes black coffee and my muffins. Never should stop kissing me.
He met your lips for the last time, withdrawing with a smile, his thumb running over your jaw.
“Goodnight,” you whispered, licking your lips to savour the taste of his own.
He pecked your temple lightly, wishing you the same.
‘Familiar,’ you added to your mental list and your heart, fluttering until the moment, started hammering in your chest wildly. Familiar voice, familiar smile, familiar gestures-
No, no, no, no, no. That was ridiculous. You were projecting again, you were-
“Clark?” you chocked out, perfectly aware of how stupid it was, expecting Matt to shoot you a puzzled look and ask you about your possible ex or something.
Except Matt did no such thing. Instead, he froze and said just one word that meant you were somehow, in some impossible way, right.
“Frack.”
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Matt Murdock Masterlist
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It’s silly and I’m grinning when writing it and posting it and I’m most definitely sure that this cliff-hanger is the end and it’s all up to you to wonder what happened next ;)
Thank you for reading :-*
#marvel#fanfiction#matt murdock x reader#daredevil x reader#matt murdock imagine#matt murdock fanfiction#daredevil fanfiction#daredevil imagine#mcu#reader insert#marvel fanfiction#daredevil#matt murdock#of muffins coffee and other miracles#anika ann
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New X-Men Xtrospective Part 1: E is For Extinction “They Will Need Us”
I am SO fucking excited for this one. As might not be obvious to ALL of my readers but should be obvious to some, I fucking love the X-Men. They are one of my favorite superhero teams period as are several of their spinoffs such as X-Factor (All versions), New Mutants, and Marauders. I love the wide cast, the hugely vast universe within the already vast and wonderful marvel universe, and the sheer amount of GREAT stories. I own all 11 movies, have several action figures, and two posters from Jonathan Hickman’s current and utterly dynamite run right above me right now as I work, as well as a marvel 80′s themed poster behind me that’s at least half x-men for good reason. I love this gang of mutants and I have not talked about them enough.
I”ve done some X-Men stuff sure: I’ve talked about hickman’s time as head writer of the books a year in earlier this year, I did a few scattered reviews back when I did single issues of comics, and then we get to the one I beefed big time: covering ALL of X-Men evolution. While it’s a noble endeavor I freely admit to overexerting myself: I recapped the episodes way too closely, gave myself no real schedule and did so while I was already covering two shows a week at the time. My point is it was a good idea, but the timing was REALLY fucking bad and if I do it again, I intend to do it right and iwth a proper place in my now properly paced schedule. I also planned to do the movies which, unlike evolution, I have solid plans to do once I clear out some of my projects. Point is I burned bright and then exploded and took a whole projecet with me phoenix style.
I had until this moment yet to do a really big x-men project, something digging into the comics, something that could help fans both of the comics and not get familiar with something really good, and help me dig into both the good and bad of something. I jsut needed the right start.
Then Christmas gave me that spark, that project that gave me the idea for a butload more x-men content on here and was the perfect starting point for some. See my friend Marco lives in Honduras, and so since i couldn’t afford to send him anything for christmas in the mail, as i’m not exactly rich, I instead offered him three reviews of anything.l He still hasn’t taken up two of them, nor one I gave him for graduating college, but the first one was a doozy, something he hadn’t read due to not liking the art, which is fine as I have some art in comics I don’t like everyone has diffrent tastes, at least for the first arc, and something VITALLY important to x-men as a whole and that’s the backbone of hickman’s current run: the first arc of new x-men, e is for extinction. And given New X-Men is one of my faviorite comics of all time I not only lept on it.. but decided fuck it I’m covering the whole thing. So every so often on here from now until I finish, i’m going to be covering Grant Morrisons ground breaking, mind shattering, status quo destroying run on the children of the atom. This.. is going to be fucking awesome. Buckle up.
New X-Men came about in 2001. Stop me if you heard this one: The X-Men, once marvel’s best selling title and one of i’ts most beloved, had been set adrift in a seal of editorial bullshit, bad writing, bad storylines and a stale continuity where not much could change or grow and things always reset to about the same place it was last week. If this sounds familiar it’s because it somehow happened AGAIN thanks to Ike Perlmutter’s bullshit, hence the current hickman run, but we’ll get into all of tha tsome other time. Point is as it was in 2018, so it was in 2001: The x-men were in bad straits and marvel reached out to a host of various creators to swing for the fences and find a new direction, something to bring sales and life back to the book. To my shock they actually took a LOT of diffrent pitches in before Morrisons won and from huge names: Geoff Johns, who had not yet returned to DC never to leave, Alex Ross, Keith Giffen.. all huge creative types. but in the end the best man won.
For those unfamiliar with him, Grant Morrison is a gloriously batshit scotsman with a long, storied and delightfully insane history in comics, mostly at DC before and after this comic. This is for good reason: DC scouted Morrison specifically because of his early work at 2000ad. See at the time Alan Moore had hit it really big with Swamp Thing, taking a d list, so so book and making it into an utter masterpiece and giving it thoroughly interesting mythology. Given it was a blockbuster hit that’s still widely loved and discussed, as it should be today, DC decided to repeat the strategy of asking British indie comics creators to come do the same to another property. This same experiment is why Neil Gaiman’s The Sandman exists, so.. yeah it was actually a great strategy and naturally Grant had their first big hit with Animal Man, a metafictional take on a b-list hero that made him a loveable family man, while also putting him through hell and playing with the medium and dc’s vast history, the last two being Morrison’s trademark from then on out.
They’d next go on to reinvent one of my other faviorite teams: THE DOOM PATROL! The patrol are a bunch of victims of strange accidents who got powers out of them that are basically curses... and Morrison solidified that concept, taking over after a weak run that ironically enough was trying to imitate the x-men’s success at the time. Instead Morrison just went all out with his weird shit for the first time and made them a team of broken but likeable people with weird powers fighting just the weirdest most incomprehensible shit, a run i’ll likely be digging into eventually along with the team as a whole. It’s also, along with Gerard Way’s recent run, the bedroock for the current and utterly masterful doom patrol series I need to catch up on. They also apparently once wrote a satrical comic starring and lik mocking hitler... a fact I somehow JUST learned but naturally doesn’t surprise me at all.
Morrison’s career at dc, after doing some creator owned stuff there when Vertigo opened up, hit it’s peak in the late 90′s as they were given the go ahead to reinvent the Justice League, with the wildly successful and awesome JLA, another book I probably need to take a look at that put the big 7 back into the team. And by now your probably getting the point of me covering his career pattern.. besides giving morrison the praise they deserve, and they’d have some really great runs after this.. and some terrible ones but no one’s perfect. My point is that at this point in their career Morrison’s greatest skill was taking something that had grown stagnant or been forgotten, blowing it up and reworking it into something glorious and new. Taking what worked, scraping away what didn’t and on the whole making something fucking glorious out of it. So here we are. The X-Men needed a new coat of paint and uncle grant had their lcd laced psycadelic paint bucket and brush shaped like a pidgeon at the ready. And for better, way better and admitely sometimes here and there worse,they changed the x-men for good. Some changes were rolled back out of spite, others finally got their chance after said rollback recently, and some were just outright thrown on the grown and smashed with a hammer. But for the most part Grant left a huge impact on the x-men and i’m here to show you why, warts and all. To me my x-men, this is new x-men. Now naturally there’s even more exposition but i’ts more in what COULD’VE been. Originally while Wolverine, Cyclops, Jean Grey and Professor X were all part of the team the other two members of the slim roster for this run, Beast and Emma Frost.. weren’t. Originally Morrison was going to have Colossus and Moira Mactaggert, long time team ally, token human until very recently, and now thanks to hickman one of the most important x characters peirod and long before that a fan favorite of mine, on the team, with Moira taking over for beast.
This.. didn’t pan out since Marvel apparently either didn’t give a shit about their plans or already had things in motion as the climax of the longtime legacy virus storyline killed both off. Colossus until Joss Whedon, bastard he may be, brought him back for his terrific Astonishing X-Men, and Moira SOMEHOW stayed dead until House/Powers of X. See this speaks to one of the big roadblocks morrison faced: Jonathan HIckman currently has absolute power and all his writers working in concert, a new way of doing things comic companies shold honestly copy en masse as it’s really working wonders. Grant.. was just one of many writers and one of three main x books the others being Chris Claremont’s XTREME X-MEN, basically “let the legend do what he wants since he can’t get freedom on the main book” and another writer on uncanny... before eventually chuck austen took over and I will tackle that horrible mess some other time. Point is while Morrison was setting the tone, costume style and making the big waves, they still didn’t have full power and thus had to play nice with eveyrone else. So their next idea was Rogue, making mer more like her x-men evolution version.. except Chris wanted her, so that was out, though being a decent enough guy he willingly gave up Beast since the moira thing meant Morrison needed a science person. As for Colossus replacement, as it turned out a fan had suggested Grant do something with Emma Frost since Gen X was canceled and while Morrison had zero intention for it clearly Emma clicked with hthem and she was soon both a main part of the cast and one of their biggest contributions to X-Men as a whole.
As for what I think of the needed changes.. they ended up being for the best. I do like Moira... but Hank ended up being a much better fit for the team dynamic wise and power set wise, while Emma was the same. While Colossus, Rogue and Moira are all fantastic characters, I think what we ended up with was just a better mix overall. I DO think the team is incredibly white, but that’s a general x-men problem, even with having an assload of diverse and intresting characters, so it’s not entirely his fault. All in all it’s a fantastic roster: four of the x-men’s best, their leader in the field for the first time in forever, and a new and intresting wild card. IT’s a nice ballance of characters and we’ll get more into it as we go. Now all the expositions done, we can finally dive head first into new x-men. I hope you survivie the experince under the cut.
After an utterly gorgeous and striking cover, the one used up top, we get one solid page to introduce us to Morrison’s mission statment, how they feel and how good Frank Quitely’s art looks
I cropped it best i could for tumblr but this one image immidetly says a lot. Our heroes are just.. easily taking down this sentinel, an old model... the same one we’ve seen a dozen times. What were once the grim, possible destroyers of an entire race of beings in days of future past and devistating killing machines in the present.. had become stale easily defeated murder bots There had been noble attempts to really make the sentiinels work again like the horrifying omega sentinels, humans forcibly converted into sleeper agent killing machines, during operation: zero tolerance, but otherwise they were mostly just a prop for the x-men to knock down. And that.. really is morrison’s whole point. Lampshading and mocking the fact the x-men had grown stale, things hadn’t really progressed.. and that it was time to move on. But to Uncle Grant’s credit, they not only uses this as a mission statment but it’s plot relevant: this mission will both be explained soon and explains why Logan and Scott are out and about enough to end up where the plot will soon need them. It also helps, via the sight of the syndey opera house establish something Morrison made a staple of their run: the X-Men going global. While the x-men were never really NOT global post claremont, Morrisons run has them handling rescue missions and what not worldwide far more often than most runs before it sans Claremont, and really made it feel like they weren’t just another super team but a global force of good with a specific goal and mission. More on the global aspect next time, as that’s where it really comes in but I felt it was important to show it was there for minute one.
So yeah before we move onto the first full scene of the run, let’s talk about the costumes.
We’ll talk about Emma’s later since she’s not introduced to the story for a while but yeah. There’s a sharp, obvious and immediate change just in the outfits, which take after the movie’s more military look, having the x-men not only look more like a unit but more like a professional orginization. Someone to come and help when needed. While this would take on more siginifigance in a bit, we’ll get to it, it also fits Morrisions own views that the x-men were less of a traditional superhero team and more something different on the edges that fought things out there, sorta what like he did with doom patrol. And it’s honestly a valid interpretation as the x-men are often seen as outlaws and misfits by society for beingn well.. mutants. Not as trusted as the avengers. So having them adopt this look played into that: Having them look more professional and focused as The X-Men have a less blanket mission statement than the avenger.. but also mildly threatning. Something to alarm the humans. It’s an utterly brilliant look thrown best together by the big yellow x’s, still giving it a nice flash of color to show off and show this is still a comic and this is still damn colorful.. this just isn’t your AVERAGE supherhero comic or the x-men your used to. IT’s a real shame the only fox x-men movie to use it was fucking dark phoenix.. a film where it didn’t even fit as xavier was getting flashier and more reckless so why wouldn’t he have more garish and colorful and more traditional superhero outfits. They did look good in their variants in first class though. Props there. Point is this is a classic, utterly stunning look, and tha’ts coming from someone whose fine with goofy superhero outfits and perpetually bitter hawkeye is almost never allowed to wear his actual comic outift and is instead stuck with shades instead of you know.. a mask. Or anything resembling an actual good looking costume. This though this is how you do a less superheroy costume: practical and realistic, but still cool looking and comic book friendly.
We cut to a mysterious lady, we’ll come to know her as Cassandra Nova and while I know her origin... i’m saving it for later as the comics themselves explain it eventually, and a simpering dolt she brought with her, Donald Trask, a distant relative of the creators of the sentinels who, via holograms she’s showing cro magnons slaughtring the neanderthal. Her point is that Mutants are going to do this and she’s clearly fearmongering him and trying to talk him into genocide: to wipe them out before they wipe out humanity. And it’s here we get one of hte most important plot points of Morrisons run and one of the most intresting: according to cassandra’s research Humanity will be no more in 4 generations. Mutankind is on it’s way to overtaking them at last.. i’ts still a few decades off.. but it’s coming. It’s sometihing that the whole decimation nonsense sadly snuffed.. and John Hickman has thankfully brought back. I’ll get to his run once i’ts complete in a few years, but point is it’s an utterly marvelous plot hook: Humanity, whose already attempted genocide a few times, is now in real danger of what their petty, racist, fearful attacks have been about: being replaced. It’s one of the central themes of the work the other two being “Just what IS mutantkind and what will it be”. WHat are they as a people? We’ll dig into these as we go but the threat of exctincion is the backbone of this arc... and will lead to something truly ghastly.
It’s then we get our title page.. which nothing really to add it just looks really good and helps show off who are cast is and what they can do with striking simple art.
And since we’re already talking the art of the book, let’s take a moment to discuss an intresting detail of this run: despite it’s short length there’s quite a few diffrent artist, who we’ll talk about of course as we get to each one. The most common and notable though is Frank Quitely. Frank Quitely is one of Morrison’s closest and best creative partners, having a unique, squishy art style.. i.e. the one my friend didn’t like which is why i’m covering this. And while I like the art style quite a bit, I do get why it’s not everyone’s cup of tea: His art is squashed, weird, and admitely some faces can be good god no incaranate. But it’s also why I like it: his characters feel unique, each body and figure feels like it was custom made and thus feels.. real. Like this is a person before you. And given comics can often surrender to having everybody look the damn same, this is nice. His faces may sometimes look similar but his bodies are where the action is. But while having a realistic feel his work also has a weird alien quality that perfectly fits Morrison, and thus his run on x-men. I will say while I love All-Star Superman, his art fits less there in the more hopeful silver agey story, so he’s not an artist for EVERY STORY OF EVERY TYPE.. but when it comes to sci fi weridness, he fits it like a glove so i’ts unsuprising he and morrison are practicaley soul mates, nor that his art sets the tone perfectly for the run: this is something new, diffrent and strange.. and what says x-men at it’s best more than that?
So after our opening titles we cut to the mansion where Hank is showing off his latest and greatest invention: Cerebra. Cerbebra is a massively upgraded version of Cerebro, aka Professor Xavier’s iconic helmet that allows him to track mutants to help them out.. and covertly backup their conconousness for his long game plan, but shhhh, don’t tell anyone yet that’s not going to be retconned in for a few decades. Though i’m damn certain if Morrison has heard about the current era of x-men and how it both builds on what he built, shatters the status quo and is incredibly weird, he’d be damn proud. As for how it’s diffrent Cerebra not only has a large dome around it but said dome allows the machine to amply Charles powers to a global reach. He can now see mutants all over the world anywhere in the world, something I didn’t realize wasn’t ALWAYS a thing because it seems so simple. It’s also likely to bring it more in line with the movies. And while marvel has done TERRIBLE with bringing things in from the movies or in line with them in recent years, i.e. making star lord more like his movie self while forgetting that’s how he already used to be in canon before later writers thankfully did hte better step of merging the two, Hawkeye’s outfit, Cap’s outfit or Nick Fury Jr. But for every mistep there’s also been tons of times it’s worked out really well such as here, as well as bringing hulk into the avengers for the first time since the founding, making tony stark more like the mcu version and less like a nightmarish self righetous dicktator who rightfully gets beat up and called out a lot, making Scott Lang prominent since he became prominent in the MCU, Wakanda being a major force in the marvel universe as it always should have been and various titles that have popped up to tie into movies, often bringing back a team or property that hadn’t had a book in some time like Ant-Man, Black Panther, and Shang Chi just to name a few. It’s not always hawkeye looking all jeremy renner is what i’m saying.. though thankfully comics clint isn’t that uninteresting. Hopefully the series will change that.
So yeah along with a bigger shinier cerebro we’re also introduced to a big change in Hank whose taken on his lion form rather than his classic gorilla with a weird haircut or his return to that except bald. Here he’s more like aslan in a human body and I.. love it. It looks great, helps sell hanks delima of being brilliant while looking like a beast and makes sense: he kickstarted what was likely his own secondary evolution by drinking the potion that made him bestial, so it only makes sense his body wouldn’t be all that stable even if it took years to change again. And even that makes sense as hank was breifly turned back to his original hairless ape mutation during x-factor, easily one of the books.. worse decisions honestly and one that louise simonson thankfully later undid. That probably bought him some time hence why it’s only mutating further now. It also adds an intresting wrinkle which the run will explore further: how far does this go? Will he regress? and how much hank will be left? And how will society treat his new form?
For now he’s actually extatic. While he’s going through hormonal changes, and giving out some excellent banter with Jean
Which also includes one of the greatest lines in comic book history, one that’s been in my head for decades and made me absolutely love henry mccoy.
He’s just great is what i’m saying. As you can tell it’s stuff like this why i’m glad Moira fell through. While I love her.. Morrison’s hank is just a delight and one really questionable subplot aside, we’ll get to that, he’s one of the highlights of this run with an intresting internal struggle, and great chemistry with EVERYONE. And that is the main reason i’m glad Moira fell through as his history with everyone but Emma, who he still has a great raport with, means each interaction has weight. He’s close friends with both scott and jean and thus serves as their needed confidant, while still being able to buddy and banter iwth good old weapon x, and speak with his mentor charles as an equal. While I love moira... Beast just fits into the cast too perfectly and I 100% suspect Morrison was only using her because, while she’s awesome, Claremont wanted her and thus gladly snapped her up when he no longer had a science person. I’ll get into his Jean soon enough but she’s likewise fantastic and easily my faviorite version of the character.. not that until very recently there was much honest competition.
So Cerebra fires up showing a massive cloud of mutants, showing just how much of a huge spike theirs been with Xavier wondering what it all means.. and Hank seeing a weird flare on the mointor for just a second with his special eyes. But since Xavier isn’t stupid and isn’t the kind of idiot who just dismisses it as a fulke, and since Scott and Logan are in the field, he decides to confrence call them in to see if they can go take a look.
And naturally we get to see what their up to and get context for what the hell happened in the first page. Our heroes were on a rescue mission to save Ugly John, tha’ts what people called him, a three faced mutant who ends up passing out as they head out of the atmosphere for a second. Wolverine is regenerating and smoking out of his neck becaue he could still smoke back then before marvel decided “he’s setting a bad example”.. in a comic meant for teens and adults.
I mean I get it on some level as the x-men cartoon was a huge thing in the 90′s and Ben Grimm is basically a giant children’s toy with the mind of a surly 40 year old jewish man from yancy street, but stilll it’s just.. why. I may not like smoking but it’s not like it was SPIDER-MAN saying
It’s a grown man.. whose not a sterling roll model and who Claremont went out of his way to have Logan point out his healing factor means it really dosen’t hurt him in the long run and when Kitty, an actual teenager, tried one of his cigars she choked. I know it’s a weird thing to get hung up on but while i’m all for keeping kids from smoking, this was a really clumsy way to try and hehlp that that made no sense and will never make any sense.
One tangent later we find out that Cassandra was showing Trask a simulation on a flight to, unsuprisingly, south america, to a sentinel blacksite. Between covertly funding civil wars as they do, the US Goverment naturally founded an experimental sentinal project, and a second master mold during the production of the first line... when larry trask asks where it could possibly be well...
Subtly was not the trasks strong point.. or common sense... or.. not realizing their creations would dominate humanity too or not dying.
Anyways we then cut back to the x-men, as their having a psychic zoom meeting with Charlie giving one of his patnted big speeches.. and like a lot of this comic it’s too damn good not to use
The reason I couldn’t should be obvious: This one speech sums up the x-men, why their great and why their necessary in a nutshell: in a world full of prejucided morons.. there’s plenty of scared kids who NEED the x-men to protect and guide them, and with a surge in the mutant population, their needed now more than ever. We also get a good explanation in universe for the uniform change: Charles had them in the superhero outfits hoping humanity would accept them if they were packaged as something they know. Since that clearly hasn’t worked he’s trying new ways to reach out and thus going with a diffrent more rescue team approach to the uniforms. He assigns Wolvie and Cyke to go check out the flair as you’d expect and the meetings over. On the blackbird we get our first hint at a subplot as Logan noticed Cyclops couldn’t wait to get out of there, and is being a tad distant to his wife. He actually has reasons for being kind of cold for once instead of just bad writing as he just came back from being possed by apocalypse. Yeah that happened. So the experience has rattled our boy some what. More on that as we go. But Jean ducks the subject with hank but does breach the fact that Charles has been going kind of crazy with the spending, new uniforms and ambition lately. Hank explains it perfectly: After all the death, suffering and misery the x-men have endured lately, the aforementioned deaths I talked about that took Colossus and Moira off the roster, have lionzed Charles to make sure it was all worth something and look towards the future.
But enough hope time for horror as Cassandra makes her first direct move, trying to take over Charles brain , make his body her own and use cerebra to kill lots and lots of mutants. We then get one of the best moments of Morrisons run with Charles response to a horrifying monster trying to take his brain
While it is shocking to find out Charles has a gun..it’s a grim but kind of understandable precaution. The guy once got fully taken over by a brood, assembling the New Mutants in part because the brood wanted to create more of i’ts kind with more super powers. You’d be paranoid too if some of your beloved students were brought together partly due to your good intentions and partly because a space monster wanted to make more space montsters out of helpless teens, and even horribly gaslighted one of them. We’ll get to that some day. Point is Charles brain is one of the greatest weapons on earth and if the wrong person got a hold of it, it’d be the end of said earth. Thankfully Charles does not need plan gun, as Jean yanks Cerebra off him but the sheer HATE Charles felt from Cassandra, the sheer power has rattled him.. and also told him she’s in Ecuador and his X-Men need to be warned NOW. It’s a great way to set up just HOW powerful Cassandra is. Speaking of which as our first issue of the arc ends, we find out two things: Cass faked being int he government but really just used dead soldiers as prop.. and just what kind of sentinels are out there.. wild sentinels. Easily my faviorite variant of the old killing machines and one that’s barely used despite being really damn awesome. Their adaptive killing machines, designed to mutated just like their pray and take tech from around them, as a result they look like a jumble of guns and parts.. but not only does it give them a unique, cool look.. but it makes them ten times deadlier as instead of being big bricks of robots that while intimidating, the x-men know how to kill... their unpredictable variable killing machines. You can figure out how to kill one sure.. btu the next might be entirely diffrent. They are one of morrisons best creations and I hope someone uses the idea again.. aka hickman. Please use it jonathan I know your focused on nimrod but come on.
And we end on one of the best lines of the entiire run as we close out the issue
Yeah it goes without saying but i’ll say it anyway; Morrison is really damn good with dialouge and being damn quotable.
So we open with another great quote “When I got up today I didn’t expect to kill 20 million people”... and Cassandra being aware Wolverine and Cyclops are on their way and sending the Wild Sentinels to dispatch them. Also our heroes brought Ugly John along while while a dumb move, Wolvie does point out how dumb it was to divert to Ecuador with a civlian in tow.. after the plane crash of course. As for “wait what plane crash’, the sentinels attack and start picking it apart... and since letting them have such good tech is a terrible idea, Scotty blows up the damn plane. So to recap our heroes are stuck in ecuador, surrounded by murder machines, and oh look their there and knock off cyclops viser. Fantastic. So yeah our heroes are fucked. And naturally captured by the enemy.
The rest of the x-men are doing SLIGHTLY better. While beast makes a note for his girlfriend, more on that later on, Charles is in bed, half alive, explaning the rationale I gave for why he has the gun with Jean refusing to let him get back out of bed and you know.. put on the device that just nearly killed him. But when beast announces they lost contact with our boys.. yeah that ceased being an option.
Back in the Ecuadorian Genocide Factory, Cassandra does the obvious and kills donald trask as his real purpose..was to stick around and be stupid for a bit while she copied his dna so she could have full control of her new murder toys.She soon uses them, having a horrifying death chamber slaughter john.. or at least flash fry him. Wolverine takes it how you’d expect and since the sentinels need to “perserve trask dna”.. they can’t fire on him without killing her. Scott escapes.. and in a heart wrenching scene mercy kills john.. before getting badass.
To anyone who says Scott Summers is boring, unintersting, or a stupid asshole idiot head I present exhbit shut the fuck up. Morrison gets scott just right, deconstructing his emotional suppression, while showing him off as a dedicated, companionate man who gets the job done and who seconds after tearfully having to mercy kill an innocent mutant whose death was partially his fault, wastes no time making it painfully clear to the person responsible she WILL die if she tries that again. Logan however realizes she’s already won in some fashion as she’s grinning.. and yeah never a good sign when a genocidal madwoman is grinning like a loon.. and when we find out why.. it’s even less good> We cut to Genosha. A lot of you probably know what happned to Genosha but in case you don’t know what it is it was once a horribly racist country that genetically enslaved mutants and used them for slave labor. It was freed, but still struggled to truly move on.. till Magneto showed up, took the country for himself and made it a home for all mutants. When we last saw him he once again tried to take over the world leading to Logan seemingly killing him. Right now though Emma Frost finally enters the scene teaching some mutants.. when a young one named Negasonic Teenage Warhead.. yes that one and yes she was entirely chosen for deadpool for her name, reveals, via precognition, that their all going to die.. right as the sentinels attack.
Genosha.. is gone. In an eyeblink 16 million mutants are dead, a possible future gone, and one of their greatest leaders is no more. Yeah Magneto WAS alive.. but paralyzed so he could do nothing when his island was utterly slaughtered. Only a handful of mutants will be revealed to survive. Humanity had done a lot to mutants before .. but for once.. they’d succeeded in wiping a massive chunk out. What was an x-men location for DECADES at this point.. was now a smoldering crater. A what could of been that would hant the x-men ever after, even now into utopia it remains the darkest day in mutant history outside of hte decimation. It is a truly horrific moment.. and if the changes already hadn’t made it clear this is morrison saying “NO character is safe, nothing is safe, and nothing will be the same and I damn well mean that”. In one act of hate the world has changed. And it hasn’t finished changing yet.
Issue Three opens hammering in things, as Jean and Beast are in the ruins of genosha, with Xavier having found ONE surivor among the rubble, and our heroes sturggling to find even them, though Jean eventually picks them up and uses her TK to sift through the rubble.
They find Emma who emerges from a bunker in shock, clutching NTW... and not realizing she’s dead until later and revealing she now has diamond skin, her own secondary mutation. Secondary Mutation was a birlliant idea, new powers sprouting up within established mutants.. it’s just morrison barely used this great idea as did hardly anyone else. Only X-Men Blue ever really dug into it and those were artifical at that. IT’s a great idea..it’s just barely used and at most heavily implied to explain changes in powers like Jamie Madrox Multiple Personalities later on or Doug Ramsey’s vast increase in power. Disapointing.
While Charles takes in the tragedy and the fact his old frienmie is dead, the x-men wonder what the fuck Cassandra is and what to do with her.. why did she kill 16 million people, and what the fuck is she. I mean I know, but as I said i’ll explain that when the story does. IN the other room Beast tends to Emma who wants none of not fucking killing Cassandra.. and is utterly right. Bitchy, because i’ts Emma, but right: she killed 16 million people. Say what you want but while it may not be up to the x-men to kill her.. she shoudln’t be living much longer. She commited genocide. Emma decides fuck that and prepares to leave summoning a cab and making peace with being a glorious living fabrige egg. Emma did apparelty change in generation x.. but Morrison is responsible for returning her not only to being a bitch, but a gloriously delightful one And really I don’t think they reset her character entirely: she’s not the heartless monster she started out as: she has empathy, grace, and caring.. she just buries it under a lair of absolute bitch and after you know, surviving a fucking genocide who can blame her? And honestly.. I love their verison of her. She provides a nice contrast to the more idealistic, even logan, x-men and a nice contrarian voice in the room without being obnoxious and her style and sacrastic swagger makes her endlessly entertaning. Thanks to morrison she’s stuck around to this day and went from a pretty good character.. to a great one. And what makes her this way, or as jean puts it “such a bitch?”
With that settled, Hank explains what Cassandra is: a competing species. As he puts it sometimes evolution takes a quantum leap forward.. and Cassandra is the result. Thus she wants to wipe out the compettition and is so far above humanity, she dosen’t need them... especially since she knows what Hank now knows: humanity is at an end. As hank puts it we have an E Gene, one that basically shuts off a race.. and thus the x-men now know what we learned earlier and that cassandra wasn’t lying: in 4 generations there are no more humans and something has to repalce htem. And Cassandra wants it to be her.
Before Logan can do what he does best, and asks why she looks like charles, Cassandra escapes, and Scott briliantly urges them to fight only on instict as she’s a telepath. A damn awesome fight insues including Cassandra donning Charles Psoonic battle armor, Scott being put in his black bug room and the general good looking chaos you’d expect from a superhero fight. While this goes on Emma has an ephinany and realizes she likes to teach, the x-men have a school.. and she shoudln’t give up on helping kids just because of what happened and turns around.
Cassandra is near victory, slipping her way to Cerebra.. and planning to kill only one mind before getting to the millions she wnats, a horrifying slug manifesting around her.. only...
So the x-men accept this and cassandra rises.. seemingly saying “I am charles” Huh... and then charles uncaracteristiacally shoots her saying things must change
We’ll get to what all of that means next time as we close on Jean and Scott in bed. Scott explains why he’s been so distant as what I said earlier: fighting off apocalypse stripped away a lot of illusions about himself and he’s having a hard time walking back from that but Jean is willing to help.. but before they can resolve their issues.. charles has an annoucnment to make and grant has one last whopper of a suprise to end his opening arc on, and just like genosha...it’s a game changer of titanic proportions
No longer is Xavier’s School hidden. Their walking into the light now and so is charles. Hope they surivive the experince. Obviously this move is brilliant: while it removes the veil of saftey the x-men had it also brings on tons of new possiblities and unlike secondary mutation, this one not only stuck but would impact the x-men for good: no longer would they hide and cower.. their mutant and proud.. and their here to stay. E For Extinction is one of the best x-men stories period. Blisteringly paced, full of great character, great concepts and utterly terrifying and terrific moments that would impact the x-men all the way to present day. It’s beautifully drawn, well paced, and a masterwork. I highly recommend it and it’s a great kickoff to a great run. Shame the run couldn’t of ended on this kind of high but.. we’ll get to that. For now this is a masterclass in how to start a run and if you haven’t read it do so NEXT TIME ON NEW X-MEN: A bunch of weirdos try to harvest mutant organs, the x-men get a brain in a jar and a new teamate, and Scott maybe cheats on his wife. Until then, goodbye goodbye goodbye.
#new x-men#x-men#grant morrison#frank quitely#e is for extinction#the x-men#wolverine#logan howlett#cyclops#scott summers#jean grey#henry mccoy#beast#professor xavier#charles xavier#professor x#cassandra nova#emma frost#the white queen#sentinels#genosha
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Hug-o-gram Preview | Yoongi
→ summary:
“This is probably the dumbest idea you’ve ever had,” Yoongi hisses, but it’s kind of hard for Seokjin to take him seriously when he’s wearing a cardboard sign around his neck that says ‘Huggie Wuggie Machine!’ in bubble font.
“Like, even worse than when we DIY’d your car into a convertible by sawing the top off?” Seokjin asks, genuinely curious.
“Worse,” Yoongi admits, trying his best to stay out of your line of sight. His cheeks redden, matching the gaudy pink kitten ears he was forced into wearing.
{or alternatively: Seokjin is a terrible wingman. He also runs a profitable business by sending “hugs” to people’s crushes for a fee. Mix them together and you have a recipe for Min Yoongi’s worst nightmare.}
→ genre: college!au, hugging booth!au, fluff, humor → warnings: yoongi is so smitten that he’s a walking disaster, so much shy!yoongi to the point where you’ll want to *o*e him, seokjin just tryna get his homie some y/n love coochie bro ;o; → words: anticipated 10-12K → a/n: who the fuck am i... why am i writing so much??? let’s all thank miss kwaranteen for that, my friends. but what’s with the fluff, you ask? thank miss @jincherie for that because her weak heart can’t handle angst so i have to use my limited fluff muscles to write this for her... anyway idk when this is coming out but its probs soon,, enjoy this lil snippet i guess LMAO
“Yoongi, it’s time for me to head to work. You want to come with me today?” Seokjin asks, though he knows what answer he’s going to get. You see, Seokjin’s new booming business is another one of his fantastic ideas, but it is a little... inventive. Sure, Yoongi had scoffed when he had originally suggested the idea, but Seokjin knew that it was going to be a money-maker. Sure, it had taken a few years for the business to really take off, but once it finally did…
Enter Kim Seokjin’s Hug-o-gram Service! Students from his university are able to send anonymous payments directly to him, with little notes attached for their crushes. Each love letter delivery comes with a hug from Seokjin himself, delivered straight to the person without them ever knowing who the hug came from. It was ingenious! It was lucrative! But most of all…
It allowed Seokjin to cause drama and have an excuse for it! Nothing could have been more perfect for a man like him.
“No thanks,” Yoongi snorts, rolling over to face him. He watches from the floor as Seokjin changes into a butter-less shirt, which also happens to have his own face printed on the front and back. His trusty cardboard sign that reads “I’m Gonna Glomp Ya!” also joins his attire for the afternoon, a long piece of string tied to its edges so that he can wear it around his neck. Throwing on a pair of white sneakers with the tags still attached, Seokjin is ready to tackle today’s list of would-be hug-ees.
“How do I look?” Seokjin asks, combing his hair with his fingers. It leaves an oily sheen, which he somehow makes it work.
“Ugly,” Yoongi says, like a liar.
“It’s okay, I understand. I can speak tsundere, so you don’t need to explain,” Seokjin snickers, nearly getting hit with a TV remote by Yoongi. He opens his phone again, swiping to his e-mail to see his list of hug deliveries for the day.
Seokjin gets around 10 requests a day, with around half of them coming from regular clients. He’s especially fond of this boy who has been sending hugs to his TA named Namjoon for almost a month now. He has no idea why this kid has so much disposable income, though seeing the blush on Namjoon’s face everyday makes Seokjin think that he would spend every last penny for him too. Namjoon had begged Seokjin for his secret admirer’s identity, but snitchin’ isn’t a part of his service, unfortunately.
As much as Seokjin wants to know who is crushing on who, his little business wouldn’t work as well as it did if anonymity wasn’t included in his package deal. It allows people to thirst in public without facing the repercussions, like getting a knee to the groin or a slap to the face. Not that Seokjin has ever been at the receiving end of that; everyone loves him! Like, have you seen him? He must have saved a civilization in the past with how devastatingly beautiful his forehead is.
“Why am I suddenly filled with the relentless urge to deck you right now?” Yoongi says, getting up to change into clean clothes as well. His black t-shirt unfortunately does not have Seokjin’s face on it, but that can quickly be amended if the elder of the two decides to follow his every intrusive whim.
Seokjin laughs, completely unaware of the murderous capabilities of his friend. Due to his smaller body size, his percentage of evil is unusually concentrated. “Maybe it’s because you know that I’m into pain pla–” but Seokjin’s retort suddenly grinds to a halt. He chokes mid-sentence, coughing wildly as he pounds his chest with a balled-up fist. When Yoongi looks up at him, he finds his hyung staring slack-jawed at his phone, seemingly flabbergasted by what he finds on his screen.
“What’s the matter? Accidentally sent a dick pic to your prof again?” Yoongi snorts.
“That was one time! And no, it’s…” Seokjin trails off, uncharacteristically hesitant. He shifts his gaze from his phone to Yoongi, a drop of sweat quickly forming on the back of his neck. Yoongi raises a brow, silently urging him to continue.
Instead of replying, Seokjin hands him his phone. Yoongi finds a copy of one of Seokjin’s newest hug requests, only having just received it five minutes ago. As he scrolls down, he finds that this secret admirer is a new client, but that isn’t what made Seokjin stop in his tracks. Instead, it’s the recipient of the hug that catches his attention–
“Y/N has a secret admirer?” Yoongi says, voice cracking at the end. He clears his throat, trying his best to school his face into something less… jealous. He swivels away from Seokjin, forcing himself to breathe slowly through his nose. He convinces himself that he is the very epitome of calmness.
“You okay there, Yoongi? You look like you’re about to vomit,” Seokjin says, immediately breaking his inner peace. Yoongi groans loudly, shucking the phone over his shoulder, uncaring of where it lands. Seokjin, with his superhuman and God-given reflexes… doesn’t catch it. But he did dive to the floor like a seasoned Olympian, and his ass cushioned his phone so he supposes that’s a win.
Back to the matter at hand––
“I am fine,” Yoongi says, as he continues to not be fine.
From the floor, Seokjin shoots him a disbelieving look. He lies down more comfortably, propping his head on his elbow. Screw his hug-o-gram appointments for now; nothing brings him more joy than seeing Yoongi absolutely losing it. “Really? So you wouldn’t mind if I marched up to Y/N right now and give her the warmest, coziest, most tender hug of her fucking life?”
“Y… Yes,” Yoongi squeaks, neck glowing a furious red. He has his fists clenched (adorably) by his sides, head bowed as he faces the wall of their apartment. Seokjin’s brain makes the unhelpful comparison of Yoongi with that cat meme who says “no talk me angy” in Impact font.
Seokjin grins, his wickedness from within coiling and yearning to burst from his seams. This is it! Maybe if he pushes a little more, then maybe Yoongi will stop pining like a pathetic loser! Also, it didn’t hurt that he got to push Yoongi’s buttons while he’s at it, but hey! Not all heroes go to heaven or whatever.
He grabs his phone from his ass, scrolling back to the e-mail. “So… You wouldn’t mind if I walk up to Y/N right now and tell her ‘Hey! I’ve had an embarrassingly long crush on you and when I heard about this hugging service… I couldn’t miss the chance to shoot my shot! If you’re single and ready to #mingle, then please meet me at the Corner Cafe at 2 PM tomorrow.’” Seokjin sing-songs, snickering loudly when he sees the absolute pain etched onto Yoongi’s face.
There is a pause, and Seokjin waits as Yoongi uses his tiny kitty brain to think of what to do. He can only imagine what’s going inside his head, but he has a guess. Yoongi could either: 1) finally admit his feelings for you and come clean before Seokjin has to deliver your hug, or 2) do something stupid and counterproductive.
It comes as no surprise when Yoongi goes with option number––
#btsghostie#my wips#bts scenarios#bts fanfiction#bts imagines#bts reader insert#yoongi scenarios#yoongi fanfiction#yoongi imagines#IM SO SICK @ MYSELF THIS IS GONNA BE SO FUCKING SOFT#ITS LIKE I HAVE SPLIT PERSONALITY DISORDER#FLUFF THIS! SMUT THAT! WHERE IS MY ANGST#[dialtone noises] the number u have dialed is no longer in service... zee machine broke
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Never Really Over / JJH
idol!au Jaehyun x Y/N 4k exes scenario where Y/N reflects on her relationship with Jaehyun. This can be read as a one-shot or as part two to Take You Home.
This might feel a little angsty if this could be considered a warning, other than that there are no warnings.
It had been three years since Jaehyun had asked you to get some ice cream with him in an unknown city to both of you. You were finally getting over your breakup when Jaehyun had appeared out of nowhere and showed you that the world was still beautiful. You had met him by accident when you were travelling alone while he was on tour with his band. You didn’t know who he was or who this band of his was, but after your encounter, you had discovered the charming personality of Jaehyun. He just needed to look at you, and you would do anything for him. You would’ve even hidden a body for him without asking him any questions. That’s how whipped you were for the man.
“I don’t really want to go yet.” Jaehyun had said after you finished your ice-creams. Usually, you ate your food relatively quickly, but both of you had managed to eat the delicious dessert, so slowly it had taken over an hour to finish. Most people were enjoying each other’s company at a bar or in their cosy homes, but not you and Jaehyun. You had been walking through the city at nighttime.
There weren’t a lot of people on the streets, and it had given you and Jaehyun a boost of confidence. He had given you his leather jacket because you were only dressed in a loose summer dress. Both of you moved closer to each other with every step you took until you arm was linked with his. If people had seen you that day, they would’ve thought you were on your first date or something. Perhaps this could be considered as your first date.
“You have a concert tomorrow. You should go back to your hotel.” You told him while you stopped walking. Maybe it was fate, or perhaps it was a stupid accident, but you were in the exact same spot where you had seen him this morning. The way he had danced into your heart would be a memory you would cherish until the day you were old and wrinkled. You secretly looked at him, but you noticed his eyes were already on you.
“I still don’t want to go, though.” He whispered softly. You seated yourself at the river’s edge, and Jaehyun quickly followed. You didn’t respond. Not that you didn’t want to, but because you needed some time to reflect on the situation.
“This is the exact same place where I saw you this morning.” You told him after a couple of minutes of silence. You didn’t mind the silence, because it gave you some time to think. Why were you spending time with some foreign guy that you’re probably never going to see again? The longer you stay by his side, the harder it will be to say goodbye.
“I remember because I was over there trying to get you to notice me. I had never danced so thoroughly.” Jaehyun confessed while he pointed toward the spot he had been in at that moment. His eyes were focused on you like you were the only one that mattered. As if you were the most exciting and beautiful person he had ever laid his eyes on.
Two years and six months ago you and Jaehyun were officially dating. After your night out where the two of you simply ate ice cream and walked through the city until midnight, you had kept in touch. First, you were simply e-mailing each other with pictures you had taken that night of each other, but that quickly escalated to sending memes and long-ass e-mails talking about your day.
One day he had asked for your number because he felt sick and didn’t want to spend too much time on his computer. You had given him your phone number, and five minutes later an unknown number was calling you. You still remember the way your heart raced when you picked up your phone, and Jaehyun’s voice was on the other side of the line. It was close to midnight for him, but you were still at work. You had excused yourself, telling your manager there was an urgent call from your mother.
First, both of you only wanted to call each other, but one particular day he wanted to FaceTime you, and you could never deny him anything. Even though your make-up was a mess, you still wanted to see his face again too.
“Hi, Y/N!” Jaehyun softly said through the phone, making your heart race. It had been a month of him calling you every other day, but you still weren’t used to his honey-like voice. You had already confessed your feelings for the man to yourself, but you could never tell him that you thought of him more than just a friend. It was cliché, really, but you didn’t want to lose him as a friend. Even though you hadn’t seen him since the day you had met, your weekly calls were something you looked forward to.
“Jaehyun, how are you?” You greeted him enthusiastically, and you could hear him laugh on the other side. You felt your body react to his laugh. Happiness spreading over you like a warm blanket on a cold winter’ night.
“Can I see your face today?” Jaehyun asked you, but you didn’t immediately respond. You really wanted to see his face again, but today had been so hectic already, you had forgotten to do mascara on one of your eyes.
“Why?” You asked him.
“Because I’m starting to forget how beautiful you are.” Jaehyun said, but you could hear he was just as nervous as you were. You had gotten used to his voice. Over the past couple of weeks, you could call yourself an expert in deciphering Jaehyun’s voice. If it was an Olympic sport, you would get gold.
“I thought my beauty was something that could never be forgotten?” You teased him while silently checking yourself out in the mirror. You tried to fix your hair without making any sounds. You didn’t want him to know you were worried about your appearance. You were just friends with Jaehyun after all, even though he told you every other day you were beautiful.
“You caught me. I just want to see you. I need to see a friendly face.” He confessed, and there was something in the way he spoke that got your worried.
“Is everything okay? Should I be worried?” You immediately asked him, forgetting about your reflection in the mirror. He didn’t answer you at first, but your phone notified you that Jaehyun was trying to FaceTime you.
“Hi!” You greeted him again with the biggest smile you could possibly give him. He mirrored your expression immediately.
“Hi!” He repeated your words, both of you too stunned to say anything. It had been a while since you had seen his face in action. You did receive pictures and updates from him, but it was the first time you could just admire the way his smile lit up his face.
“Why isn’t it dark outside? Aren’t you in Seoul?” You asked him when you noticed his face shining as bright as the sun in the background.
"I might not be in Seoul at the moment.” He softly confessed, his face expressing his every worry. His eyes showed you that he was having multiple thoughts at once, and he was having troubles with maintaining eye contact with you.
“Where are you?” You asked him, but you recognized a familiar parking lot in the background. Your heart was racing, and the palms of your hands started to sweat. This couldn’t be true, right?
“You still work at the same company, right?” He asked you. This had given you enough reason to look out the window that showed you the parking lot.
“Yes, why?” You asked, but you already knew why. Jaehyun was standing in the parking lot of your building in tight skinny jeans while holding some flowers. Sunflowers to be more correct. They were your favourite.
“I might or might not be standing in front of your company.” He confessed, and you could see his blush through the crappy connection of your FaceTime call.
“Are you holding flowers?” You asked him while you were simultaneously running down the stairs as if you were a madwoman. You could hear Jaehyun’s laugh through your phone by your actions, but you didn’t care. Jaehyun had taken a plane and had looked up the address of where you worked, so he could give you flowers? He did give you a bit more than flowers that day. He had given you his promise to love you forever.
Exactly two years ago you had moved to a strange country where you barely knew anything about the language or culture. It had seemed like a good idea at the time. It didn’t cross your mind that Jaehyun wouldn’t be with you every second of the day. It hadn’t occurred to you that you barely spoke Korean, and this could lead to stressful situations and loneliness. You also hadn’t realized how famous Jaehyun was in his country, and that normal dates like going to a restaurant weren’t possible. The two of you were always hanging out in your apartment, or you visited him when he was preparing for a new comeback.
The first months were difficult, but you kept pushing through because you could see Jaehyun every other week, which was a lot more than you could before. The first six months you were together, you had only seen each other four weeks in total, so you didn’t want to complain. You had started to learn the language, and you had made some friends making life more bearable. You began to see your new friends more than Jaehyun, and he was exactly happy with that.
“Why are you not home?” Jaehyun immediately asked you when you had picked up your phone. You were at a new coffee shop with some of your new friends. You hadn’t expected a call from Jaehyun.
“I didn’t know you were coming over tonight.” You explained yourself, but Jaehyun wasn’t in the mood to listen to your reasoning.
“I’m always here on Thursday.” He complained, and you knew he was running his hands through his hair in frustration.
“You weren’t there last Thursday.” You pointed out, feeling a bit fed up yourself by the situation. He could’ve texted you he was coming over. You would always choose him over a coffee shop date with your friends. Not that your friends weren’t important, but you could see them at any time of the day.
“That’s because we were finishing some interview.” He stated.
“I’m sorry. I’ll be right over.” You tried to apologize, but he quickly interrupted.
“No, it’s okay. I only had an hour, so I’m going back to the company. Enjoy your free time with your friends.” He said harshly before hanging up.
This wasn’t the first time a situation like that had occurred. Lately, you were missing each other more than you could actually see each other. Somehow it felt as if you were in a long-distance relationship all over again, and that didn’t make you happy.
You did love Jaehyun, and you hadn’t said the three words to him exactly, but you started to regret your decision of coming to Korea. Perhaps it would have been better if you had let the long-distance thing wear out. Maybe you wouldn’t have loved him as much as you did, perhaps it would’ve been easier to leave. But in the end, you did leave Korea, and you did leave him because both of you weren’t happy in the relationship you were in.
“I’m not Happy, Jaehyun, can’t you see?” You whispered through the tears. You couldn’t look him in the eyes, you didn’t want to show him how hurt you really were.
“I don’t want you to leave.” He told you softly while he embraces you in a hug. You would miss the way his arms wrapped so perfectly around your body as if his body was meant to hold you. You would miss the way he would always softly kiss the top of your head to make you feel loved. You did feel loved by him, but awkward situations and accidents over the past few months had you making this decision.
“I can’t do this anymore. I think we rushed into this thing without thinking about the consequences. We were both selfish.” You told him while your tears were staining his white shirt. You tried to get out of his embrace, but it was hard. This would probably be the last time you would ever hug the man who was the love of your life.
“We can work through this.” He pleaded with tears in his eyes, but you could tell he didn’t believe his own words either. The first months together were the best months of your life, but only when you were with him. Sometimes you could only see each other one hour a week, and the other days you were left alone in a country you didn’t know the language of. Like you had said, maybe you two had rushed into things out of selfish reasons. Perhaps it was selfish of you that you wanted to leave, but not even Jaehyun couldn’t make you stay.
“We’ve been trying for months, and we’re not getting anywhere.” You told him softly. "Things have changed.”
“What has changed? My feelings for you haven’t changed if that’s what you’re thinking.” Jaehyun told you forcefully while tears kept falling down from his eyes. It hurt you to see him like this, but it would be best for both of you if you just left. Especially now that you had seen how badly you could hurt him. It is best that you leave now, before you both loved each other too much to break it. Or that’s what you thought.
“I know, but I’ve got to do this.” You stated. You grabbed your suitcase and tried to make your way to the door. It would do no good to continue the same conversation for hours. Your decision was made, and there was nothing that could make you change your mind. You were deeply unhappy, and you needed to fix yourself first before you could fix this broken thing between you and Jaehyun.
“Are we still going to be…” Jaehyun asked but was interrupted by his tears. All logical thinking seemed to have left him, and you almost wanted to hug him again. You wanted to kiss it all better, but that would be a mean thing to do when you were trying to leave him.
“I don’t think we should continue…” you started saying, but Jaehyun quickly interrupted you with his mouth on yours. It wasn’t an innocent or lovingly kiss, but fiery and passionate as if he tried to make you change your mind with his lips. You pulled away with the last piece of strength that you had. If he had kissed you a second longer, you probably would have stayed.
You stepped away from him with your suitcase in hand. This time he didn’t try to stop you, but he let you go. When you closed the door, you could hear Jaehyun falling apart while you wiped away your remaining tears. How are you ever going to get over someone like him? Someone who would do anything in his power to make you happy. Why couldn’t you just be happy?
It has been two years since you had left Jaehyun in your empty apartment. You didn't have any mutual friends, so you could never check upon him. You could, however, follow him on Instagram. You did watch fancams and interviews starring Jaehyun just to have a little glimpse of him. After these two years, you still loved him the same way, but you didn’t regret your decision. You were missing a piece of yourself, but you weren’t unhappy. The timing of your love with Jaehyun was just never right.
Your friends supported your decision, but they didn’t understand. They tried to help you get over him by setting you up on dates, but no one could ever reach Jaehyun. You had experienced a great love, and you didn’t want to settle for anything less. You’d rather be alone for the rest of your life than having to sleep in the same bed with someone you didn’t even like. However, you still accepted the dates your friends had arranged for you. It would be rude to deny their help, even if it wasn’t the help you precisely needed.
That’s how you found yourself all dolled up at the entrance of a very fancy restaurant. Your friends told you this guy would be the one to help you get over Jaehyun. You didn’t believe them of course, but you did hope the date would be more pleasant than the last one. The guy had taken you to Mac Donalds and made you pay for him, and he had taken his little sister on your date. You actually first thought it was his daughter, but he was quick to state that it was his baby sister. Weird.
You opened the door of the restaurant and made your way inside. You didn’t know what to expect as your friends had never given you his picture or name. They told you he would have a sunflower and would be waiting for you. You spotted someone with a sunflower in his hands, and you wanted to run back outside, but his eyes kept you frozen in your spot. You stared at each other in an off way, as if it were a silent argument. Your glances were fighting each other until tears arose, and you found yourself crying in the middle of a restaurant. You tried to hide the silent tears while you made your way over to where he was sitting. He looked even more handsome than you remembered, more mature.
“Why did you do it?” He hiccuped, tears rolling down with the same silent intensity as yours. You sighed, wiping your own tears before seating yourself before him with a suspending slowness. You felt an urge to do something, to comfort him, but also yourself. You couldn’t kiss him like you used to because you hadn’t spoken to him in over two years.
“They told me I’d forget about you; that I’d move on, but it's been two years, and I still love you.” You told him softly while you kept your eyes on your hands in your lap. You couldn’t look him into his eyes, because you knew you couldn’t control the tears anymore. You have been fighting a long and hard battle to forget him, but you still cried yourself to sleep. You still wanted his arms to embrace you when you had a bad day. You always wanted to tell him about every little thing in your life, but you couldn’t anymore. You didn’t deserve to crave Jaehyun as you were the one to leave.
He didn’t say anything, and you expected the worst. Maybe this was indeed a weird coincidence. Why did you think he had planned this? Why did you think he would still love you after everything you had put him through? You were more delusional than anything, and you needed to leave the situation. You quickly got up and tried to find your way out of the romantic restaurant.
“You can't just say that and then disappear!” Jaehyun yelled while he followed behind. Everyone had his eyes on you and Jaehyun, and it made you panic even more. You had secretly prayed and wished to see Jaehyun's face again, but now that you had seen him in the flesh, you realized how stupid of a thing it was to pray for. All the wounds you had tried to heal by yourself were ripped open by merely Jaehyun’s presence. He grabbed your arm to stop you, but you kept walking until you were outside in the cold air. You hoped it would bring some sense into your troubled mind, but you couldn’t stop the tears. You didn’t care if your make-up was ruined, you only cared about getting out of this painful situation. The more time you would spend with Jaehyun the more you would get your hopes up, and you didn’t deserve that.
“Please.” You pleaded him, but he didn’t let go of your arm. He tried to lock his eyes with yours, but you refused until he forced you to look at him. His fingers forcefully grabbed your chin and made you look at him. You were surprised by his appearance. You knew he had been crying five minutes ago, but you didn’t expect to see a broken man before you. He looked tired, and he looked just as broken as you felt. On stage, he wore make-up and presented a happy persona of himself, but he couldn’t hide the sadness from you. The two of you had been through enough to know the other.
“What are you doing here?” You asked him softly while you looked at the sunflower in his hand.
“I just wanted to see you.” He confessed while he removed the last remaining tear from your cheek. His soft touch brought a calmness, and it reminded you of all the times where Jaehyun had successfully calmed you when you were having a miserable time. You couldn’t answer him because you didn’t know what to do with the information. He wanted to see you? Did this mean he still loved you, or was he just looking for closure?
“I never stopped loving you.” He continued, answering the questions in your thoughts like he had read your mind. You two always had this strange connection, it had shown the first time your eyes had met in a crowded bar.
“Why? I don’t deserve for you to love me.” You whispered, looking into his eyes. His eyes showed you everything you needed to know, but you would love for him to say it. To tell you he wanted you back, and he forgave you for your selfish actions.
“The past two years, I have tried to get over you, but there is this gaping hole in my chest only you can fill.” He explained while he stroked your cheek lovingly. His eyes still showed the same level of adoration as if the past two years hadn’t happened.
“I know you were unhappy back then, but I was too selfish to do anything about it.” He continued while he kept staring intently into your eyes. It all became a bit too much. You had missed him so much, but his presence was too addicting to you. You didn’t want to get used to him again. How he only had eyes for you, and how he listened as if you were the most significant person in this universe.
“You were starting your career. I never blamed you for anything.” You explained to him, but he wasn’t satisfied.
“It’s no excuse for how I behaved. I thought you would always be there when I called. I was selfish. I expected everything from you, but I barely gave anything in return.” It was the first time you had seen him so determined, and you couldn’t understand what his driving force was. Were you his driving force?
“That’s not true Jaehyun. You were the most perfect and loving boyfriend I ever had. Circumstances just made it difficult for us, you know.” You explained to him softly while you mirrored his actions by stroking his cheek. Some people passed you to get into the restaurant, but you didn’t care about their questioning glances. The only person that mattered at this moment was Jaehyun, and no one else. He never stopped being the centre of your world, as pathetic as that may sound.
“Are circumstances still an issue?” He asked you insecurely, but you couldn’t answer him. Was it still the same as back then? You were both a bit older, but did the two of you really mature? Could you try this again? You honestly didn’t know.
“I don’t know.” You finally confessed after staring into his eyes for what felt like hours, but in reality, were merely just seconds. Jaehyun was the only person who could make your world stop. He has always been the one to show you the beauty in everything when you didn’t even pay it any attention.
“Do you want to find out?” He asked you, hope laced in his voice, making you shiver. He looked determined to make you his again, and who were you to deny him?
“I don’t think I can have my heart broken again,” you started, and you noticed Jaehyun’s posture fall, “but today is the first day in over two years where I’m not constantly aching.” You continued, and a smile small appeared over his face. It wasn’t the great smile that had made you fall for him, but it was a start. He offered you the sunflower in his hand, which you gladly accepted. You didn’t know where this was going to take you, but hopefully, you both learned from your past mistakes. What’s the point in rushing? There is always something to fix, isn’t there? You’re going to let yourself be loved by the only person who was capable of loving you. And he was finally allowing you to adore him like you knew how to do.
#Jaehyun fic#jaehyun scenarios#nct fic#nct scenario#jaehyun x reader#jaehyun x you#nct x reader#nct x you#nct fanfic#nct fluff#jung jaehyun fic#jung Jaehyun fanfic#jaehyun fluff#jaehyun fanfic#nct 127 x you#nct 127 fic
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Three Things
Homily by Assistant to the President and Alumni Chaplain Rev. Gerry Blaszczak, S.J., at the Mass to honor Rev. Charlie Allen, S.J. on September 19 at Fairfield University.
vimeo
Bishop Caggiano, my fellow Jesuits, Dr. and Mrs. Nemec, members of the Allen Family, friends of Fr. Allen, dear Charlie,
In early September a number of you received an e-mail from me. It was an appeal for help. I wrote:
I am humbled by Charlie’s request that I preach at the Eucharist on September 19. But I am also daunted. I am probably not going to be able to distill everything into three points. I certainly won’t warm people’s hearts and lift their spirits the way Charlie always did. Please help by sending me your own reflections and suggestions.
Here is a sample of the responses I got, gentle listeners:
-“You’re right; you’re no Charlie Allen. Good luck.”
-“Charlie had the practice of always saying ONLY THREE THINGS. You would do well to follow his example.”
-“Keep it brief. People will be hungry. Remember that they came to hear Charlie, not you.”
So… let me offer three points. Three reflections, really, on how we can find our way into the meaning of today’s Gospel as we celebrate Charlie.
1. It would never occur to Charlie to do what the apostles do in today’s Gospel. Charlie would never waste his energy or time trying to establish that he was the first, the best, the most important, the person most deserving of esteem, honor, or prestige. Charlie is not driven to perform, to say and do things in order to buttress his own sense of self-esteem. It would never occur to Charlie to try to appear to be someone he isn’t. There is in Charlie no put-on, no pretension. No facade, masks, games; no drive to impress or win over. Charlie is always and everywhere himself.
What does Charlie know that, at this point in their own journey, the apostles didn’t? I don’t know how precisely he came by it, but it is obvious to all of us who know Charlie that he lives out of a freedom, a peace, a confidence that is rooted of his own experience and absolute confidence in the unconditional love of God has for him. The love of Christ set Charlie free and set him on fire with the ability and will to share the love of God made manifest in Christ Jesus. That unshakable confidence in God’s love has, I venture to say, allowed Charlie to weather reversals and disappointments in his own life. And, I would suggest, is the source of Charlie’s radiant joy, his unquenchable optimism, his resilient, buoyant spirit. But more on that in a minute.
2. I similarly do not know how Charlie learned that life is about serving others, and putting them first, which Jesus is at such pains to teach the apostles in today’s Gospel. I don’t know how Charlie came to see that the center of his focus, the preoccupation of his life needed to be, as it was for Jesus, emblematically, the child. The child, who in the Palestinian Society of the first century is not the symbol of innocence and simplicity, purity and beauty, but the representative of the non-person. It is hard for us to fathom that in the ancient world a child had no social standing, and no rights. A child did not contribute to the world of trade, warfare, government, religious learning or philosophical discussion. A child, consequently, was a being of no account, at most a potential resource for the future.
Yet Jesus calls the child from the periphery, positions the child center-stage and embraces him. (By the way, I defy you to find any reference in the literature of antiquity to a philosophical or religious leader, prophet or sage doing such an outrageous thing.) How and when did Charlie learn the heart of Christ, and that to follow Him would mean to make the other the center of his life? How and when did Charlie learn that to be Jesus’ companion must mean to imitate Jesus in identifying himself with the joys and sorrows, the needs and aspirations of the person most marginalized and most disdained, most systematically devalued and ignored? How did Charlie learn to receive, to embrace, to accept and to welcome so sensitively, so inclusively, so warmly? I don’t know, but he did.
Here is a claim I know for a fact I cannot make about myself: No one has felt unimportant, unvalued, insignificant in Charlie’s presence. And how keenly, intuitively, unconditionally we have sensed that it was not just Charlie who acknowledged, accepted, received us, but that it was Christ himself who had sent Charlie and who was somehow present in and through him.
One of you wrote to me: “Charlie was a champion of students of color and women, which, in my experiences on this campus at that time, was rare and unique. If I had one word to offer, it would be ‘gratitude’ to Charlie for who he is and how he made me feel.”
Another wrote: “Fr. Allen always made me feel connected to him as a person, i.e., he was always PRESENT and very focused on you when you were with him. In this way he manifested his own connection to Jesus and Jesus to me.”
3. My third and last point. Charlie’s irrepressible good spirits. The crazy games he plays, the jokes he tells, the laughter he loves to provoke and participate in, the upbeat quality of his preaching, his ability to lift spirits whenever you met him, his wry, playful sense of humor that finds its way into everything he does and says. Are we just talking about some particular character trait of Charlie’s, some quirk of his personality? There is more to it than that.
Charlie’s humor and joy and ability to lift us all up, I feel certain, has its source in the experience of God’s pervasive, faithful and unconditional love. A love that draws us ever more deeply into God’s own endlessly sharing, self-giving life, into the very life of the Trinity, where, emptied of crippling self-concern, progressively freed from enslaving ego-driven obsessions, we become more and more channels of God’s liberating, life-giving love for the world.
Dear Friends, toward the conclusion of the Last Supper Discourse in the Gospel of St. John, Jesus spells out his motive for the preceding instruction he has offered: “These things I have told you so that my joy may be in you, and that your joy may be complete” (Jn 15.11). Today as we gather for Eucharist, we give thanks to God for the gift He has given us in Charlie Allen, for all that Charlie has shown us, shared with us, been for us. Perhaps most of all, we thank God for the joy that fills Charlie’s heart, that overflows into all his ministries, friendships, relationships. We ask, dear God, that that joy, rooted and grounded in Your love for us all, continue to flow through us to touch, heal and renew all whose lives we touch.
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Old School X is a project interviewing X-Files fanfic authors who were posting fic during the original run of the show. New interviews are posted every Tuesday.
Interview with Mary Ruth Keller
Mary Ruth Keller has 42 stories at Gossamer, plus her stories are at AO3. She's written a number of short standalone stories, but she's thought through the X-Files mythology and written about it probably as much as anybody ever has. So if you want to dive into the mythology and all its drama, you need to go read her mythology fics ASAP. (But read this long, interesting interview first!) Big thanks to Mary Ruth for doing this interview.
Does it surprise you that people are still interested in reading your X-Files fanfics and others that were posted during the original run of the show (1993-2002)?
Quite frankly, yes. The Kuxan Sum Cycle branches off the actual series following the Third Season episode Syzygy. I took the myth-arc as it stood at that time, post Nisei-731, and the agents in mid-Rift. Although I didn’t quite realize it when I started out, I was most interested in moving the myth-arc forward in a continuously unfurling narrative, one where Scully and Mulder became an effective investigative team who support each other as partners and friends again. After I started writing in my little corner of the X-F universe in 1996, there was a lot of stuff on the show that just happened, with no real storytelling logic to it I could fathom, but that seemed to be popular. I stopped writing in 2000 because I was frantically busy at my new job (which consumed far too many twelve-plus-hour workdays and weekends) and because my sister and I were trying to take care of my elderly, increasingly frail, Mother. So, I never expected, when I started writing in 2018 and posting again in 2019 (I reposted all my stories, in order, to AO3 and fanfiction.net, because Chermera would never have made sense without them) for readers to take an interest in myth-arc and character issues that the series writers had simply abandoned to go chase, well, anything else, especially if it made no coherent sense whatsoever. What do you think of when you think about your X-Files fandom experience? What did you take away from it?
The fandom was a lot of fun. There were many interesting, engaging discussions I took part in with other fans of the show, some of whom I am still in touch with.
Social media didn't really exist during the show's original run. How were you most involved with the X-Files online (atxc, message board, email mailing list, etc.)?
All of the above. I spent a lot of time discussing writing and characters with other writers on ATXC, except when I was actively working on my novels. Since I was doing basic research into microwave remote sensing of the Earth while working at the Naval Research Laboratory at the time – yes, I was one of those dreaded Department of Defense scientists the show had a love/hate relationship with – my writing happened at night and on weekends. Novels, especially the longer ones, take me about a year from first words on disk until release, which meant I didn’t have all the time to participate on-line as I would have otherwise. But, I enjoyed chatting with the fellow denizens of the Endies Board, and on the EMXC, Scullyfic, and Je Souhaite mailing lists. I’ve saved some of those posts and conversation threads on my older computers, where it’s fun re-reading them from time to time. What did you take away from your experience with X-Files fic or with the fandom in general?
There were a lot of generous, funny, very intelligent fans involved with X-F back then (not that there aren’t now; there are, of course). I started writing because I wanted to get the myth-arc and the characters back on-track, the long-term story moving forward and the agents again being the smart investigators I loved hanging out with on Friday nights. But, outside of having read a lot of myth, literature, fiction, and non-fiction, I didn’t know enough about the mechanics of writing fiction. Several authors were willing to help out, some explicitly through E-mail conversations, and some from general comments about crafting stories that were posted to ATXC. I had a real problem with how I initially handled dialog, which I had some E-mail guidance on, that was very much appreciated. I also had two quite diligent beta readers, one an on-line fan, and one a real-life friend, both male, who helped me with the direction of the Scully-Mulder half of Anath. I was, at the time, utterly exasperated with how the pair of them had become such complete morons on the series, both totally incapable of investigating anything successfully, which was affecting my writing the characters in that story. What was it that got you hooked on the X-Files as a show? Ooh, boy. I’d like to say I started watching with the show with the Pilot, but I didn’t, quite. Tom Shales was the Washington Post TV critic at the time the Pilot aired – yes, not only was I a government scientist, I was living in Alexandria, Virginia, in 1992. He was intrigued by the characters and premise and found Duchovny and Anderson engaging while playing their roles. At the time, I was wrapped up trying to work on a PhD while still employed at NRL, so I tucked the review away, waiting until I had Friday nights free to check it out. I’m a great lover of science fiction, so I thought to give the show a try, eventually. [Lilydale note: I found a couple things Tom Shales wrote about The X-Files premiere in 1993: Fall 1993 TV preview article and a “Pilot” episode review.]
The first episode I sat down to watch was the First Season Darkness Falls, where Mulder and Scully get trapped at the logging camp with the Earth Firster, Doug Spinney, the logging executive, Steve Humphries, the Forest Ranger, Larry Moore, and the gooey green bugs. I was amazed by that story. It was as perfect a little piece of science fiction as I have seen on TV (except for one bit toward the end), with an environmental moral to it as well, where all the characters make good and bad choices, and they all suffer or succeed because of them.
What hooked me, really hooked me, were the first/second acts, specifically, Dana Scully’s actions, once they find the desiccated logger in the tree. The investigation is handled logically, in that it’s not the big male agent who goes shinnying up the trunk to look at the evidence while everyone else stands around watching and wailing, “Whatever shall we do!” No, it’s little Dana Scully who takes the ride to the upper branches. This made oodles of sense, in that she was this tiny woman whom two men could lever up that far with a rope, a hand winch, and pulleys. When she gets there, after grimacing (who wouldn’t, considering what she saw), she starts investigating. She does an on-the-spot post-mortem exam, while Mulder makes an ooky male-body-parts joke, but everyone takes her results seriously. I was thrilled. Here was a female character I could really relate to, someone who could hold her own in a difficult situation, unlike most of those on the tube, then or now.
I made a point, over the following summer, of watching as many re-runs as I could, catching up on the episodes and characters. The stories ran to science fiction and horror, which are my preference. Further, although there was an emphasis on the paranormal, several of the first season episodes were written so both Mulder’s wanting-to-believe-but-needing-proof intuitive, emotional approach and Scully’s logical, scientific, justice-oriented viewpoint each got the narrative coherently from initial crime to identifying and apprehending a suspect. It was some spectacular, complex writing, and I was hooked, hopelessly hooked. I discuss this some on my old author web-page, which still exists, courtesy of the Wayback machine), so I won’t belabor it. What got you involved with X-Files fan-fic? The shenanigans within the Third Season, quite honestly. The myth-arc wasn’t moving forward, as it had during the Second Season, which I really couldn’t understand. Carter had given us this bang-up start in the ABC Trilogy with all these new fictional possibilities to explore, but instead, bupkis. The MOTW’s were retreads with no depth or moral/ethical weight to them, except for Darin’s stories. The intelligent agents I had enjoyed spending time with while they pursued their oddball investigations were evaporating before my eyes. Mulder had always been this deeply intuitive character who cared about others and knew he could get it wrong, so needed Scully’s logic in their investigations, even if he didn’t always want to hear her observations and questions. But that character was being replaced by a cookie-cutter misunderstood anti-hero, who wasn’t thinking, just running off to chase butterflies, who was always right because he was The Guy. Scully, as an investigator, the little agent who could, was simply being sidelined. Sure, she’d argue with Mulder, but the writers had stopped giving her and her logical viewpoint a real role in their cases, Darin excepted, again. As the series went on, the Agent and Doctor Dana Scully I respected was replaced with this snappish little female whose only notable skill was running in high heels, who spent her time standing around with her arms crossed, and made pruney faces at Mulder if she were required to do any actual investigating. I hated that character, but, apparently, the all-male writing staff just loved her.
I knew about the on-line fandom, so I thought to check out if anybody else had noticed these “improvements.” First, I spent time at ATXF, discussing the changes with the series, that disturbed a lot of folks, not just me. Eventually, I tripped onto ATXC. There were writers there who understood the two characters, quite well, but weren’t that interested in the other problems with the show that bothered me deeply.
Like many fan-fiction writers, I decided to try to bring in, or in my case, bring back, what I was missing in what was being aired. Sins of the Fathers was the result. As I mentioned above, it was a far from perfect story, but I learned much putting it together, and it got a lot of positive feedback. So I kept writing and trying to improve what I wrote. Folks appreciated it, then and now, surprisingly, which was endless encouragement to keep going. What is your relationship like now to X-Files fandom? With work and my Mom, as I mentioned above, I dropped out for a few years. My new job is still microwave remote sensing of the Earth, at a University-affiliated laboratory, not working directly for the government, but the NASA/NSF-type funding for the research I like to do is much harder to come by, so it takes up a lot more of my time to keep funded and working. Adding to that, I haven’t found places like ATXC in the 90’s or the Endies Board, but I suppose lightning only strikes once. Were you involved with any fandoms after the X-Files? If so, what was it like compared to X-Files?
Not really, no. I’ve enjoyed other TV series, but, I never felt those shows were just throwing away essential parts of themselves as X-F did, or, if they went bad, I simply stopped watching them. A fandom is, or can be, a huge time commitment, which, as I’ve noted, I don’t have that much of. I discuss this quite extensively in my author’s notes at the end of Chermera, so I won’t repeat myself. [Lilydale note: the long author notes are at the end of the story’s last chapter, not in the AO3 notes section.] Who are some of your favorite fictional characters? Why?
As a child, I loved reading myths and legends from many different cultures. So many amazing stories, so much that touches on truth. Greek myth, Norse legends, Islamic tales, Celtic fables, all of them. It goes without saying that discovering Tolkien’s fully-realized Middle Earth in my early teens was like falling into an river of endless delights.
In literature, perhaps the character I enjoy most is Sherlock Holmes. On television/in movies, I’d have to say: Beverly Crusher, (early) Dana Scully, Susan Ivanova of Babylon 5, Pa’u Zotoh Zhaan and (early) Aeryn Sun on Farscape, Samantha Carter on Stargate SG-1, Hermione Granger, and most recently, Lagertha on Vikings. Dunno, there might be a pattern there. Possibly. Do you ever still watch The X-Files or think about Mulder and Scully?
Yes, absolutely. I started rewatching the series when it ran on BBC America, enjoying the first two seasons again. I’d actually never stopped thinking about Mulder and Scully; I just lost the time to write about them, until two years ago, when I managed to land some long-term funding so I wasn’t staying up nights writing proposals every few months. I’d have a thought about how to advance the story that became Chermera, so I’d make a mental note and play with it in my head. I also have two more novels and a satyr play left to go in the sequence of stories I want to write, so I’m turning over plot-lines and potential arcs in my head all the time. Do you ever still read X-Files fic? Fic in another fandom? I do read X-F fan-fic. Since the series has wandered so far away from what engaged me, and most fan-fic keeps up with that, I don’t read very much. As far as other fandoms, one was enough. Do you have any favorite X-Files fan-fic stories or authors?
Reaching back into the dark ages, I’d say Pellinor and Nascent. They may both be available on Gossamer. [Lilydale note: Fortunately, they are!] What is your favorite of your own fics, X-Files and/or otherwise? Zurvan is the favorite of my older stories. It, like Twelfth Night (Denha on AO3 to avoid confusion with another X-F story named Twelfth Night), builds on the past stories in their trilogies and brings the overall arc to new places. It’s fun to uncover surprises when writing and develop challenges to address in the future, which both of those stories did. Do you think you'll ever write another X-Files story? Or dust off and post an oldie that for whatever reason never made it online?
I’d certainly like to. I had planned to write three trilogies with their satyr plays, each of them focusing on an aspect of the mythical Triple Goddess: Maiden, Matron, and Crone, in the X-F universe. Only, being me, I turned it around. Sandra Ann Miller (Samantha) is the Maiden, but I’ve just started telling that part of the arc with the transitional Anath and the first trilogy story Chermera. I’m approaching this trilogy as a coherent tale spread across the three novels, which is different from the other two. The Caroline Lowenberg Trilogy didn’t really get organized until Twelfth Night. It was only the third story I’d ever written, so perhaps I can be excused. The Dana Scully Trilogy was all interconnected, but that was more of an organic, rather than a pre-planned and deliberate, effort. I didn’t really grasp the full arc of what I was creating there until I was writing Chermera and looked back over the threads running from Rustic Suite through Anath. The next story in the Sandra Ann Miller Trilogy involves the exposure of the Japanese arm of the Consortium, but, I need to read up on Japanese history, myths and legends, and world view before I write it. After finishing and posting Chermera, that’s what I’ve been doing. The conflict between Amaterasu, the Sun goddess, and her ne’er-do-well brother Susanoo-no-Mikoto, the god of, among other things, storms, marriage, and love, as told in the Kojiki and the Nihongi (both written down in their near-final forms at the same time as we in the West were just recording the first skeletal versions of the Arthurian Legends), will definitely get worked into the Sandra Ann Miller Trilogy. I’m starting to put the arcs and plot-lines together, but, I’m not ready to begin writing yet. Do you still write fic now? Or other creative work? As I’ve discussed, I do. Part of why I take my time is because Mulder and Scully are owed real, challenging cases to solve - the two intelligent agents with their own approaches, strengths, and weaknesses, remember. Partly, because I have original fiction ideas I’d like to pursue. Trying to do the best I possibly can in the sheltered world of X-F where I attempt to create stories with universal themes, well-realized settings, coherent plot-lines, and original characters who resonate with my readers is practice for the original fiction. I’ll never write the Great American Novel (whatever that is), but I’d like to write stories that are as good as I can make them and fun for my readers, so I keep plugging. Where do you get ideas for stories? Reading and thinking, mostly. I try to look for ideas that haven’t been done to death, or different approaches to old themes. I have four original novels I scribble mental notes on. After I bring this myth-arc I’ve been working on to its (to me) logical resolution, I hope I’ll be able enough of a writer to get started on them. What's the story behind your pen name? Actually, it’s my real name. At the time I started writing, I didn’t think to do anything else. On ATXC and Gossamer, I wrote several of the shorts that are separate from the Kuxan Sum Cycle under the pen name Lise Meitner. She was a Twentieth Century theoretical physicist who explained nuclear fission, then was cut out of a Nobel prize because the judges of her day thought Marie Curie and Irene Joliot-Curie were “enough” women physicists working in radioactivity to be so honored. [Lilydale note: here’s her Wikipedia page. Among many other fascinating things talked about there, she was nominated for the Nobel Prize 48 times in two different categories and had the 109th chemical element, meitnerium, named after her. She also escaped Nazi Germany in a plot involving trains, boats, planes, and an emergency diamond ring. You really ought to read about her.] Do your friends and family know about your fic and, if so, what have been their reactions?
I’d shared the first five of my novels with my family back in 1996. They liked them, my sister especially. I’m not sure they knew what to make of them. I haven’t shown them to my in-laws, but, I think my sister-in-law found them on her own. We haven’t discussed them, as they aren’t her usual preference, which is Romance. One distant blood relation was thrilled to discover them on-line and wrote me about them. My sister, though, is my (self-admitted) biggest fan. When we were kids, she and I shared a bedroom, where I’d make up stories to tell her at night so she could fall asleep. She and I correspond regularly by E-mail (she’s in Florida and I’m in Maryland). Back while I was working my way through Chermera, she asked out of the blue if I was ever going to write any more. She was thrilled to hear I had been but she doesn’t have regular Internet access other than at her job. I made printed, bound copies of all my stories to mail to her last Christmas. She loves them, bless her. Is there a place online (tumblr, twitter, AO3, etc.) where people can find you and/or your stories now?
I’ve sent Chermera to Gossamer, but, it hasn’t been updated since July 2018. All the rest of the stories are there.
At AO3, my stories are under: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mrkeller. The Kuxan Sum Cycle is linked together at: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1555492.
I’ve published the Lise Meitner stories under my own name there: Faustus Mulder; Late Night Thoughts on Evolution, Hard Times, and Lost Pets; You Just Don’t Understand; and Lux Perpetua. Since I could separate out the trilogies into their own cycle, it just made sense.
At fan-fiction.net, they’re under: https://www.fanfiction.net/~maryruthkeller
Again, the Lise Meitner stories are under my own name. Since fanfiction.net doesn’t have a linked series option like AO3, I’ve added a header to all eleven of the stories in the Kuxan Sum Cycle so far explaining the order. The novels all are tagged with thumbnail versions of the covers I made for them. Also, the literary quotes I started each chapter and begin and end each story with, are kept in the AO3 versions, but are removed at fanfiction.net to avoid potential copyright issues. Shakespeare, Christine de Pisan, the Popol Vuh, the Ugaritic myths around Anath, and others are all long out of, or never were in, copyright, of course, but, just to be on the safe side, I’m following fanfiction.net’s rules.
If folks care to write, I’m still at my old eclipse address: [email protected]. Is there anything else you'd like to share with fans of X-Files fic?
Enjoy it, use it as an opportunity to make connections and expand your horizons as a storyteller. Fan-fiction was much more of a home-grown effort back in the 90’s than it is now, when there are how-to books, of all things. But, don’t get so wrapped up one forgets about real life. That’s where all the best stories are.
(Posted by Lilydale on October 27, 2020)
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Rp Log: Cravs introduces “Windy” to Lin.
(Cravendy Hound) Cravs has sent a letter to “Windy,” asking him to meet at the Heartwood estate in order to meet a friend of hers. Of course, lacking an address, Cravs had simply handed a moogle the letter with “Windy” written on it, and had hoped that it’d somehow find its way. She waits outside, searching for that telltale tuff of blond hair.
(Cravendy Hound) And moments prior, she had told Lin that she’d be bringing over a friend of hers tonight. A mailman who delivers on foot, who can outrun a chocobo, who’s really good at fighting bugs. What Lin would think of that description...well, it was up to her.
(Bertram Windshadow) It is by the miracle that is the Moogle Mail System that a letter found its way into Bertram's hands. How convenient to couriers that 'knew what she meant'. Though when Bertram saw the address in the letter he was certainly a bit surprised. It certainly wasn't a place unfamiliar to him. At least ... he thought that was the correct address? Any doubt was quickly dispelled as he approached the ground proper, looking travel worn as ever.
(Bertram Windshadow) He hadn't set recovered from his mild confusion when he bumped into Cravendy. "... Oh! Uh ... hey there. It's good to see ya again." He pauses. "Is ... this where you work?"
(Bertram Windshadow) (( We're re-enacting the Tyler1 meme right now. )) (Cravendy Hound) PFffFFahaha ))
(Aislinn North) Cravendy had breezed through the front library like a gust of wind moments before, explaining to Lin there was a friend she wanted her to meet and potentially sign a contract with Heartwood. Aislinn had only had time to look up from her notes and blink owlishly, a disoriented 'Alright' coming from her before Cravendy had disappeared out the front door. Aislinn shook her head. While Cravendy had all the power to had her friend a contract herself, ...
(Aislinn North) Aislinn understood that the Seawolf was still uncomfortable with her position in Heartwood. She frowned down at the report from Heartwood's informants and tried to reach a good stopping point before the company arrived.
(Cravendy Hound) Cravs waves at Bertram as he approaches. “Oy there! That’s right. Welcome to ‘eartwood.” She proudly points to the company’s gates. “I said I worked as a mercenary, didn’t I? Anyway, let me show ye around. This ‘ere is the...” She steps into the garden and begins to list off her opinions about the décor.
(Cravendy Hound) Stuff along the lines of “This tree is a nice tree. This tree is not a nice tree.”
(Aislinn North) ((I kinda want to know what quantifies a 'not nice tree' in Cravs' mind xD)) (Cravendy Hound) LOL probably if she holds a personal grudge against it...like a branch falling on her xD )) (Aislinn North) ((That's exactly what I was thinking! It all comes down to a grudge she must hold against it!))
(Bertram Windshadow) Bertram rather understands that such distinctions are important when one lives in the Shroud. You wouldn't want to wake up and have your breakfast in the shade of a *grumpy* tree. Of course, as Cravendy rather enthusiastically leads him through the gardens he isn't exactly able to find the opportunity to mention that he's been here before ... instead he just listens polite and occasionally nods ... smiling!
(Cravendy Hound) After giving Bertram a thorough tour of the garden, she finally shows him to the door. “Alright, ‘nough about the good and evil of plants and rocks. My friend should be waitin’ inside for us.” She pauses, and gives a wide grin to her guest. “I think ye’ll like ‘er. She’s...serious, but dependable.”
(Bertram Windshadow) Bertram couldn't truly keep himself from starting to connect dots the longer he thought about it. Of course Bertram couldn't claim to have met all the members of Heartwood, so maybe he was mistaken, but ... things seemed to be pointing in a certain direction. "Anything that can keep up with you must be, I think." He let out a quiet chuckle, bobbing his head to the side.
(Cravendy Hound) “Heh, it’s the other way ‘round. Ask ‘er about the time we fought a giant dodo.” Cravs smirks, and then barges in.
(Aislinn North) So the mage she sought had quit Ul'dah and returned to Ishgard after the Calamity. She hung her head and let go a heavy sigh. Bloody Coerthas. Again. Just then, she heard Cravendy and her friend approaching and set the report face down on the table. Certain to clear any lingering annoyance from her face in regards to the report, she turned with a polite smile at the ready and makes her way over to them, smoothing down her skirt. ...
(Aislinn North) "Welcome to Heart-- *Bertram*" she blinked in surprise, quickly shifting her gaze between him and Cravendy. "-This- is your friend?" laughter bubbling up. "Cravendy, this is Bertram." she paused. Perhaps Cravendy didn't recall that part. Wyda would have. She shook her head. "He's an old childhood friend." she turned her attention to Bertram with a warm smile. "Alright, there?"
(Bertram Windshadow) Bertram couldn't really keep a straight face as Aislinn walked up, his lips twisting into something decidedly goofy looking. The sight of Aislinn immediately put to bed any doubts regarding who Cravendy's friend was. His laughter was quick to join Aislinn's as his smile grew, dipping his head toward Aislinn in confirmation, "Got my head on my shoulders." He tilts his head to the side, still smiling, "What about you, Linn? Seems we've got a mutual friend."
(Bertram Windshadow) He glances over to Cravendy with an amused expression.
(Cravendy Hound) Looks between the two of them repeatedly, confusion growing with every iteration. “What? Ye know each other already? Wait, what?”
(Cravendy Hound) “Bugger, I can’t go round assumin’ every golden ‘aired man is Bertram. An ye didn’t tell me ‘e was wanderin’ round the Shroud!” Cravs grumbles at Lin. She then turns her ire to the man himself. “And get that smile off yer face. I thought yer name was Windy!”
(Aislinn North) "It does seem that way, doesn't it?" she nodded to Bertram, a thread of good humor still in her voice. "Windy?" laughter threatened to overtake her again but she could see Cravendy was flustered more than anything and did her best to hold it in. "Ahh...wait. So he's the one that saved you when the Shroud attacked?"
(Bertram Windshadow) He blinks several times as his mind processes that. Maybe he should have corrected her when she kept calling him Windy? It had seemed ... y'know ... 'close enough' for him. Then he's chuckling quietly at the absolutely delightful ridiculousness of the situation. "I mean ... it is. Sort of. Windshadow; it's an epithet of sorts."
(Aislinn North) "Like Ren and Armsbreaker." she added. "They're Highlander battle names." she glanced back to Bertram. "Cravendy said you were looking for work? You could have told me that."
(Cravendy Hound) “Ye should’ve! Corrected me!” Cravs grabs Bertram by the shoulder and shakes him like a maraca. “ARgh! Don’t tell me ye’ve been ‘ere afore too! Why didn’t ye stop me in the middle! Of! The garden tour!”
(Bertram Windshadow) (( Oh my *gosh*. )) (Bertram Windshadow) (( Betram's going to be a few marbles short after a rattling like that! ))
(Bertram Windshadow) Bertram starts to bob his head in Aislinn's direction in solidarity to her clarification before Aislinn turns the focus onto the matter of his looking for work. Of course, before he manages to say anything, Cravendy is upon him and shaking out any cobwebs that might be building up in his skull. "I'm sorry!" He calls out, though there's a certain joviality to it, "I have, I'm sorry. You got started before I could say anything and then, I don't know! it seemed like you were having a good time."
(Aislinn North) Blinked and hurriedly stepped between them in an effort to keep Bertram's senses from being rattled into oblivion. "Cravendy!" she wasn't loud by nature, but her voice held a urgent edge. "It was a simple misunderstanding, is all."
(Cravendy Hound) Lin’s intervention thankfully brings an end to the shake-egeddon. Cravs huffs, half overwhelmed with embarrassment and half winded from the effort of nearly shaking Bertram’s head loose. “Aargh, bloody bastard...And ‘ere I was, thinkin’ I was gonna bring two friends together, and it turns out they know each other better than they know me!”
(Cravendy Hound) “Anyone else wanna say somethin’ I don’t know afore I make a fool out of myself?” She groans, red faced.
(Bertram Windshadow) Bertram stumbles his way back just a touch as he is released, a hand rising to his head to gives himself a steadying before looking back up to Cravendy. He sobers just a touch and offers the woman a light smile. "You did bring two friends together though. And not to mention given me all the confirmation that I'd ever need to know that you're a good sort yourself."
(Aislinn North) Let go a soft breath of relief as Cravendy mercifully releases Bertram. She glanced over at him to be sure he was alright before turning back to Cravendy with a wave of her hand. "That's only because we've had the benefit of time, nothing more. And aye, it's been awhile since we've seen each other, so you did what you set out to do." she eyed him over her shoulder with a teasing glint in her eye. "He has a tendency to disappear for Twelve knows how long. So we were due for a bit of catching up."
(Aislinn North) "Now I know he's been off racing chocobos and saving people from the Shroud, though." she looked back at him again with a deadpan look as if to say 'Racing chocobos. Really?'
(Cravendy Hound) Cravs sighs, slowly but surely recovering from the near lethal dose of embarrassment she had received seconds earlier. She grumpily rubs the space between her brows, as if kneading her head could will it to better process what was going on. “Windy, don’t tell me yer not even a mailman...”
(Aislinn North) Cleared her throat at that. "Maybe we should all go have a drink."
(Bertram Windshadow) Bertram lifts a hand up, rubbing the back of his neck a bit bashfully at the teasing before collecting himself enough to give a slightly bemused shrug. It ... seemed like a good idea at the time? He didn't have a good explanation. He looks back to Cravendy as she poses the question. He looks like he's about to answer but hears Aislinn clear her throat and follows her lead. "That's sounds nice, yeah."
(Cravendy Hound) “Bah. Best idea I ‘eard all night.” Cravs goes up the stairs to where the company bar is located.
(Aislinn North) Gave another sigh and glanced at Bertram. "Well, it's good to see you again."
(Bertram Windshadow) Bertram looks to Aislinn with an expression that reads as 'is she going to be alright?' before offering a light smile and following up the stairs. "It's good to see you too, Linn."
(Aislinn North) Leaned down under the bar and pulled out a pint glass before looking at Cravendy and Bertram. "Right then. What're you two having?" she asked as she poured cider from the tap.
(Bertram Windshadow) The Windshadow Riker's his way over the stool and settles himself down upon it before glancing around the bartop. "Ah ... " he skewed his lips to the side slightly before retreating to an easy answer, " ... whatever you're having there. That looks good!"
(Cravendy Hound) “I think ye should regale me with embarrassing stories from Windy’s youth. Only fair for what ‘e put me through,” Cravs says to Lin while shooting Bertram a smirk. “...As for drinks, do we ‘ave any mead left?”
(Aislinn North) ((Lol! Riker's his way. Such an apt and efficient description)) (Bertram Windshadow) (( *laughs and grins* It saves time!! ))
(Aislinn North) Nodded and pulled up another pint. Her hand settled on a wine glass but hesitated and thought of the face Cravendy would make if mead showed up in something like that. She went for a short whiskey tumbler instead. As she pours the drinks she gives Bertram a wry sidelong glance. "Embarrassing stories. I'm sure I can recall one or two. If I think hard enough." She sets the bottle of mead on the counter and then pushes all three glasses to the front of the bar before disappearing to make...
(Aislinn North) her way around front. "But tell me why you thought he was a mailman in the first place?"
(Bertram Windshadow) Bertram blinks a couple times, holding up his right hand with index finger extended, before speaking. "In my defense, I didn't even know you worked here until you sent the letter." He glances down slightly, a small smile touching his lips, "But I figure it's only fair in recompense for my not correcting you about my name." He pauses again and glances to Aislinn as she asks her own question ... and then back to Cravendy. He takes a sip of cider.
(Cravendy Hound) Cravs gladly takes the drink in hand and leans against the railing. She traces the brim of glass in thought. Why -did- she think he was a mailman? She was so confident about it earlier, but now...Cravs looks at Bertram with a great deal of suspicion. What IF.
(Cravendy Hound) “Didn’t ye tell me that was yer occupation over drinks? And I could’ve sworn I brought it up a second time when ye were racin’ against my chocobo. Something about ‘ow ye run really fast to deliver mail.” There's a hint of doubt in her voice, mind racing as she questions everything she knows about the man.
(Aislinn North) Glanced between the two, entertained as she took a swallow of the crisp cider. She raised a brow in his direction. Lying wasn't something he was any good at so she knew that couldn't be it.
(Bertram Windshadow) The man furrows his brow slightly as focus turns upon him and he beings to file through his memory in search for the day that he met Cravendy, "... uh ... I think you said that I run really fast? And that I had escape tools. And suggested I was a some kind of courier?" He pauses for a moment, "But ... I think we might have miscommunicated. I ... don't really have a *job* so to speak. Even if I'm running around a lot." He clears his throat and glances away. "Sorry about that."
(Bertram Windshadow) It's his turn to look flushed now.
(Cravendy Hound) Cravs is ilms away from grabbing hold of Bertram’s shoulder and shaking more sense into him, AGAIN. But she doesn’t want to put down her drink, so instead she just facepalms with her one free hand in utter disappointment. “WINDY NO...”
(Cravendy Hound) “Is ‘e always like this? Vague and friendly?!” Cravs gives Lin a pleading look. "Well, at least the jobless part I got right."
(Aislinn North) Turned her attention to Cravendy, a hint of a smile tugging at one corner of her lips. "Sounds like an easy mix-up." she shrugged. She glanced back to Bertram and considered Cravendy's description of him. "Friendly, aye. Vague...well, I think we're both just the quiet sort to let assumptions hang in the air." she shook her head. "Though, honestly Bertram. I wouldn't put it past Cravendy here to keep hounding you until she's found you suitable employ. She's the determined sort."
(Bertram Windshadow) Bertram concealed himself -- and his blush -- within the opening of his cider. He was probably taking a longer drink than he actually wanted so that he could keep himself hidden away for a moment. It would seem he and Cravendy had swapped hotseats. He glances over to Aislinn as she offers her ... warning? A slight smile pulls at his lips before he bobs his head to the side, "I'm starting to get that impression ..."
(Bertram Windshadow) He looks back at Cravendy. "All the same. I'm sorry. I can be ... a bit cagey around new people. I'm working on it."
(Aislinn North) ((*hugs the cinnamon roll*))
(Cravendy Hound) “Only if ye want it. But with ‘ow fast ye run, ye would make a fine mailman’, and there are plenty of parcels that I need sent, no questions asked.” A smug grin crosses over her face as she senses the heat switch from her to Bertram.
(Bertram Windshadow) (( Cravendy engaged her trap card! ))
(Cravendy Hound) She leans in close to Bertram and whispers something in his ear. “Some of these could be, ah, unverbal messages. If ye catch my drift.”
(Aislinn North) Pauses, her drink halfway to her lips. "Wait...what do you mean parcels, no questions asked." she narrowed her eyes slightly as she looked over at Cravendy. Her suspicion only grows as Cravendy whispers something to him. "Cravendy, he's not going to be your runner." she stated, emphatic.
(Bertram Windshadow) Bertram blinks several times at the whisper. No; he did not catch the drift. At least he didn't think he did. He passes Cravendy a somewhat bewildered look before his gaze flickers back toward Aislinn and she makes her point *very* clear. Oh. Now he was caught up in the drift alright. He remained looking a bit shell-shocked for a moment letting out a quiet laugh, his head shaking in gently bewilderment.
(Bertram Windshadow) "I ... don't know about being a *runner* ... but ... maybe some real work wouldn't be bad for me. I know Aislinn's been suggesting that I apply myself a bit more healthily for a while now and ... well ..." He glances back to Cravendy, "With a force like Cravendy out there trying to help too ... I probably should take a hint."
(Cravendy Hound) “Aw, ye ‘eard the man. He’s good at runnin’, and there’s a few people I’d like to see knocked down a peg or two.” Cravs protests, a toothy grin revealing her canines. “Pff, I wouldn’t start ye with such jobs anyway. Just some stuff to deliver to a village we’ve been helpin’ rebuild, and to ‘elp me look into some business in the east.”
(Aislinn North) Put off glaring at Cravendy to look back to Bertram with a sharp exhale. "Me saying it wasn't enough? Should have gotten Cravendy involved a lot sooner, apparently." she noted with a helpless shake of her head.
(Cravendy Hound) “Oy, e’s a grown man and can make ‘is own decisions. And if that’s runnin’ mad in the wilds, aimless and jobless and all other kinds of ‘less’, then power to ‘im.” Cravs is making assumptions. Again. She takes a sip with a smug smile.
(Bertram Windshadow) Bertram offers Aislinn an apologetic expression and soft smile as he bows his head toward the woman. "We'll add it to the long list of things that you were right about ..." He murmured quietly, taking a sip of his cider again. A regular one this time. "Cravendy was just ... the tipping point." He offers in gentle tease.
(Bertram Windshadow) "But ... " He looks back to Cravendy, "If I can help with rebuilding a village I can certainly say I'd be happy to do so." There he goes. Not even asking for job details or compensation.
(Aislinn North) Makes a noise of displeasure in the back of her throat. Maybe she was sick and tired of being right after the fact. She quietly takes another swallow of cider. Or two. She'd let Cravendy give him the details of Dirtpatch.
(Cravendy Hound) Cravs snorts. “It’s called volunteerin’ if ye don’t get paid!”
(Bertram Windshadow) Bertram winces as he witnesses the level of embarrassment that whatever childhood story Aislinn has in store for Cravendy skyrockets in realtime in the wake of his response. He blinks and looks back to Cravendy, "Oh, ah ... heh ... right. What's the usual price for something like that?"
(Bertram Windshadow) Bertram needs an agent.
(Cravendy Hound) “And volunteerin’ won’t pay the bills. Anyway, it’s just a couple of boxes to deliver to a village called Dirtpatch. A small seatown off the coast of Vylbrand. Tools and medicine, stuff like that.” She pauses. “...I’ve ‘eard recent rumors of pirates attacks though. Those don’t follow the accord. So keep an eye out for them.”
(Cravendy Hound) (me w/ no idea of what the proper payment for this would be* ))
(Aislinn North) "And you're afraid you wouldn't make a good officer." she noted to Cravendy as she propped an elbow on the bar and rested her head against her fingertips. 'Get Paid' was rule number 1 of the mercenary company.
(Aislinn North) "Seems like you got it all sorted out to me."
(Cravendy Hound) Cravs blushes. “I-I’m pretty sure ye keep me around to make the others look better. Why ye all ‘aven’t cut me loose is a mystery I grapple with everyday.”
(Aislinn North) Tipped her head in Cravendy's direction, staring at her over the rim of her glasses with a 'Come on, now.' look. It didn't need to be said.
(Bertram Windshadow) Bertram glances between the two women and their exchange with a slightly slanted smile. There was something about it the evoked a feeling of happiness before he let out a quiet laugh and took a drink from his cider once again. "She's got a point, Cravs. You *do* seem like you've got this all sorted."
(Cravendy Hound) Cravs presses her lips together in an attempt to hold back a shy smile. “Seven ‘ells...why we talkin’ bout this anyway? So, Bert, ye want the job or not? Can pay ye this much.” Some reasonable number is presented to the man.
(Aislinn North) ((hehe)) (Cravendy Hound) what even is gil. it's like 3 for an egg, 100 million for a house xD )) (Bertram Windshadow) (( So ... you're telling me if we get 300 million eggs ... )) (Aislinn North) ((Profit)) (Cravendy Hound) xD ))
(Bertram Windshadow) Bertram quietly chuckles and passes Cravendy a thought expression before glancing over the presented payout. He -- honestly -- doesn't seem like he has a healthy bearing on *normal* expenses but he nods his head all the same. "Count me in, Cravs. And, in good faith, I submit to whatever embarrassing story Linn has in store for you." He pauses and looks back to Aislinn with a subtle smile.
(Aislinn North) had been minding her own business, drinking her cider when Bertram voiced his offer. She shot him a look of surprise. Honestly, she thought she had well and truly helped him dodge that bullet by turning the conversation but here he was, putting himself back in the hotseat. "Why would you..." she stopped and just ruefully shook her head. She glanced over at Cravendy.
(Cravendy Hound) oh Bertram....I feel like I could pay him in eggs and he'd be like. Looks good? Looks good! )) (Aislinn North) ((He would have loved the Hatchingtide shenanigans in that case xD)) (Bertram Windshadow) (( Oh dear ... *laughs* Hatchingtide shenanigans you say? )) (Aislinn North) ((Cravendy paid us in eggs)) (Cravendy Hound) two words. egg mafia )) (Bertram Windshadow) (( Oh. My. *Gosh*. )) (Bertram Windshadow) (( I am slayed. ))
(Cravendy Hound) “Oh, I -so- look forward to it.” Cravs puts her empty glass onto the bar table and then puts her hands on her hips. Leaning over, she gives Lin and Bertram a devious smile. “And of course, anythin’ ye ‘ave on Lin would be appreciated. No secrets between friends, aye?”
(Aislinn North) turned several shades of red in the span of mere moments. She stared hard at Bertram. This is the mess he got them into. After she had neatly changed the subject. No good deed goes unpunished. She gave a heavy sigh. "I swear to the Twelve, Bertram..." she muttered as she touched her fingers to her brow.
(Bertram Windshadow) Bertram lifts his brow in surprise as Cravendy goes fishing and Aislinn invokes the Twelve. "Oh ... ah ... " Oops. He's definitely made a mess of it now. If you give an inch they'll take a mile, as they say. He clears his throat. "Right, ah ... we'll start with just the one, yeah?" He was just trying to be nice!!
(Cravendy Hound) lmao windy....when niceness leads to the opposite effect ))
(Aislinn North) "Alright..." she takes a swallow of cider and then begins in on the misadventures of Bertram, the would-be rescuer of a cat that belonged to a girl he was sweet on. It inevitably ends with Bertram crashing through the awning of a market stall, into a stack of pristine melons with nothing to show for it but a mess of scratches along his face and arms, an angry crush and a cat that simply saunters further down the ledgetop, not in need of rescuing at all.
(Aislinn North) What followed was a pell-mell escape from one burly, enraged melon merchant.
(Aislinn North) "Ren and I could barely catch our breath for laughing. Once we were in the clear. Of course."
(Aislinn North) The three of them continued to drink and trade stories long into the evening. Between them, there was certainly some catching up to do.
(Bertram Windshadow) (( *dies* )) (Cravendy Hound) AWw NICE )) (Bertram Windshadow) (( A long-standing aversion to melons may have been planted that day. )) (Cravendy Hound) noo not melons )) (Aislinn North) ((And to this day, Bertram shudders at the sight of a Gyr Abania melon)) (Cravendy Hound) hehehehe )) (Bertram Windshadow) (( Indeed. Forever shall he associate the sweet, crispness of a melon with the shearing of a cat's claws! ))
#ff14 rp logs#Cravendy Hound#Aislinn North#Bertram Windshadow#my crops are growing my skin is clear#and its all thanks to this rp
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One Night in Milwaukee - Ch. 6
(Now with my new cover art...)
David x Patrick, 2700 words this chapter (A03) 18k so far. Read from the beginning here.
Summary: Being stuck in the Milwaukee airport is bad enough. Then David realizes that the man who broke his heart is sitting right next to him. After a rom-com worthy reunion, David and Patrick decide to give it another try.
Chapter 6
There’s a new lightness in the air as they settle back inside the house, David kicking back on the couch while Patrick pokes around in the kitchen. He really does need to make a list and do a real grocery run – although he appreciates David’s efforts to save him the trouble.
David grumbles at his phone and stands up. “Do you mind if I deal with this? There’s a problem with a supplier, it’ll go faster if I just talk to her instead of sending endless e-mails.”
“Of course not, go ahead.”
Patrick watches David head back towards the bedroom, his phone already up to his ear. Patrick’s glad that David is still involved with Rose Apothecary, even if it’s not what it used to be. At least it means that some part of what they created together survived.
Patrick heard about what happened with the store itself from Stevie, how David relocated it near Toronto, but eventually closed down the physical location. Stevie told Patrick that David’s heart didn’t seem to be in it anymore, but now that Patrick knows that David was depressed, he wonders how much Stevie knew. Patrick wouldn’t have been able to do it, either – have the store, but not David. It was always about the two of them together, left brain and right brain working in tandem. If he had to run Rose Apothecary by himself, it would definitely have lost its heart.
Patrick finishes up the grocery list, the act of neatly putting down everything he needs soothing in its own right, and sits down on the couch with a glass of water. He’s tired, again. It seems like he can’t go ten minutes without wanting to lie down. It’s been a week since he was hurt, and he thought he’d feel better by now.
Patrick remembers David scolding him, on the plane, for traveling so soon. He probably has a point, but if Patrick hadn’t decided to get out of town, he wouldn’t have run into David, and that’s worth a lot more than sore ribs.
He leans back on the couch and closes his eyes, wincing as his muscles relax. If he concentrates, he can hear David’s voice as he talks on the phone, the cadence familiar and reassuring.
Patrick wakes up to the tantalizing aroma of garlic sizzling in a pan. He grabs his phone, dismayed to find that it’s almost six o’clock, the whole afternoon having gone by while he napped on the couch.
“Hey there,” David says, leaning down to press a kiss to his cheek. “You’re up just in time. Dinner will be ready in thirty minutes or so, I was just getting ready to heat the water.
Patrick reaches for David, and David’s face lights up as he sinks onto the couch next to him and pulls him into a hug. “Hi,” Patrick says, still half-asleep. It feels too easy, to have David right here with him, to be breathing into his shoulder like nothing ever went wrong.
“Hi,” David responds, rubbing his palms over Patrick’s back. “Have a good nap?”
“Sorry I slept so much.” He almost resents missing the time with David. Time with David is far more interesting than sleeping.
“Not a problem,” David says. “Gave me the chance to take the Camry out for another spin.”
“Ugh, you did the shopping again?”
“I did, and thanks, by the way, for the detailed list. Although I’m not sure that you needed to specify back-ups for each of the items. I’m pretty sure I could figure out what brand of tomato sauce to buy if your top choice wasn’t available.”
“That list wasn’t meant for you,” Patrick grumbles. “I just like having a plan.”
“I know, sweetheart, I know.” David kisses Patrick again, and stands up despite Patrick’s grabby hands. It feels so good to have David close to him, he doesn’t want to let go. “You go freshen up while I finish, if I don’t get the water going it’ll be forever until we can eat.”
Patrick uses the bathroom and puts some after-sun lotion on his face, where a bit of color is just appearing on his nose and cheeks. It doesn’t take much. He needs to remember to use sunscreen down here, or else he’s going to turn into a lobster.
When he comes out, David is working on the Bolognese, and there’s a large pot of water heating on the stove.
“That smells great,” Patrick says, leaning around David to check out the sauce. He lets his hand linger on David’s waist. David has put on a pair of his own black jeans, but he’s still wearing Patrick’s dark green t-shirt from this morning. It stretches enticingly across David’s shoulders as he stirs the pot.
“You still like this, right?” David asks. “You haven’t become a vegetarian, or anything like that?”
Patrick laughs. “If didn’t like it, I wouldn’t have put the ingredients on the list.”
David has set out dishes and silverware on the kitchen island where they had their breakfast. The room also has a small round table, but it’s covered in piles of all the junk mail that has been delivered since his parents were last here, and the groceries David bought this afternoon.
There’s a bottle of wine there too, the one Patrick had listed as his top choice on the list he made earlier. It’s an easy to drink table red that he remembered being able to buy when he was visiting his parents last winter, with a very high class screw top. He thinks David will like it, and it will pair well with the tomato sauce.
Patrick opens the bottle and searches around in the cabinets for two matching wine glasses.
“Oh, um, none for me, thanks,” David says as Patrick sets the two glasses down next to their plates.
“You sure? It’s not fancy, but it’s not as bad as Herb’s fruit wine, either.” Patrick is surprised, but not particularly so, not until he turns and sees the deer-in-headlights look on David’s face. “David? You okay?”
“What? Oh, yeah. It’s fine.”
Patrick watches David as he slowly empties the box of pasta into the boiling water, giving the task quite a bit more attention than it needs. Deciding not to push, he screws the cap back on the bottle of red and puts it down on the table, and exchanges the wine glasses for water glasses.
David turns to him, his face scrunched up and pained. “You can have wine.”
“Nah, it’s okay.”
“No, I mean, just because I’m not having any, it’s okay if you do.”
“I get that, thanks.”
David shakes his head. “So why did you put the wine away?”
“It’s not as much fun if it’s just me.” Patrick realizes that this might not be the best thing to say as soon as the words leave his mouth, but he can’t quite figure out how to fix it.
After a few moments of awkward silence, David speaks up, keeping his eyes on the stove. “I’m not an alcoholic. And I’m not going to fall off the wagon if there’s a glass of wine in my vicinity.”
Patrick thinks back to the many evenings they spent curled up on the couch with a glass of wine, whether something cheap from Brebner’s or a reserve vintage they nabbed from the store. He’s never known David to have a problem with alcohol. Between the two of them, Patrick was the lightweight, and much more likely to get tipsy. Clearly there has to be a reason for David’s decision to abstain, whether it qualifies as alcoholism or not, but given how nervous David looks, Patrick wants to tread lightly.
“You can tell me as little or as much as you want to about why you’re not drinking, David. It’s okay no matter what the reason.”
Patrick’s standing close enough to David that he can see him swallowing hard, trying to keep his composure. The last thing he wants is to send them off the rails into another emotional meltdown. David clearly feels put on the spot, and that’s not what he meant to do. He certainly doesn’t want David to feel like he’s being judged. It would be the worst kind of hypocrisy at this point.
Patrick clears his throat a little, not sure how to launch this discission, but then decides to jump right in. “You know, the night I was attacked, with Jamie, I was hammered. Wasted. I made some bad decisions that I probably wouldn’t have made if I was sober.”
David steps away from the pot of boiling water and stares at Patrick. “What are you talking about?”
Patrick recognizes David’s “I need a minute to catch up” phrase, and understands. He wishes he could have found a way to work this into conversation more smoothly, but there is a connection, and he needs to get it out. However he goes at it, the explanation is a rough one, and Patrick’s been stumbling over it in his own mind for a week now. At least if he manages to spit it out, he might be able to come to terms with it.
“My aunt had asked me to get together with Jamie to check in on him, saying he was having a hard time at university. But really she was asking Jamie to check in on me. I wasn’t doing well – I hadn’t found a new job, wasn’t even really looking, and I was pretty miserable. So I let Jamie convince me that going out with him and his college friends was a good look for a thirty-something guy, and I sat at the bar all night and drank tequila shots.”
“But you don’t even like tequila,” David says, breathless.
“No, I don’t. It’s disgusting.”
“It is.” David nods sympathetically. He takes Patrick by the arm and pulls him out of the kitchen, sitting him down on the couch and letting his hands rest on his shoulders. “Okay. Tell me the rest.”
Patrick is almost thankful that David won’t let him end the story there. It’s time to get it out. “Jamie was flirting with another guy, some other kids started talking shit, and I got up to intervene, thinking I would save the day and defend him. I imagined myself some kind of hero. But I was so drunk, whatever I was saying was just making it worse. I wasn’t being clever, I was just being loud and aggressive. Jamie dragged me outside, trying to avoid trouble. But the asshole kids followed us out, and that’s when it got physical.”
“Patrick.” David’s eyes are wide, and he stares at Patrick for a long moment, then pulls him into his arms. “I’m so sorry,” David says, holding him tight. “I’m so glad you’re okay.”
“I’m sorry too,” Patrick says. “It’s fucking embarrassing.”
“No, you didn’t do anything wrong-”
“I kind of did,” Patrick corrects him, squeezing his eyes shut and pressing his face into David’s hair. “I’m not blaming the victim here, but this was more your run-of-the-mill bar fight than a hate crime. I was blitzed off my ass, I said some stupid stuff to some hyped-up kids practically half my age, and I got beat up.”
“You only got in a fight because you were defending your cousin,” David says. “Who was the target of homophobic animals.”
“I’ll accept 90% bar fight, 10% hate crime,” Patrick says, sinking into David’s embrace.
“At least fifty-fifty.” David’s big hand is holding Patrick’s head against his own. Patrick shifts a little, and then he’s sitting in David’s lap, surrounded by David’s arms, his scent, his breath.
“I feel like an idiot,” Patrick says softly, and David shakes his head in denial.
“You’re not an idiot.”
“Wouldn��t you be embarrassed if you got yourself into that situation?” Patrick asks.
David rubs his hands up and down Patrick’s back, and his sore muscles twinge, but Patrick doesn’t pull away. It feels too good to be wrapped up in David like this. “Maybe a little. But they <i>assaulted</i> you. No matter what you said to them, that’s criminal.” David turns his face and his nose presses into Patrick’s hair. “Did you talk to the police? Do you want to talk to our lawyer? Now that my family has money again, she’s returning our calls.”
“No, I reported it, the guy who kicked me is probably pleading out. I didn’t want to have to deal with it.”
“And so you booked a flight to Florida.”
“I did.”
The timer on the stove goes off and they both jump, Patrick regretting it instantly as his ribs protest.
“Oh, god, sorry, are you okay?” David babbles, his hands reaching to steady Patrick as they untangle themselves.
“I’m fine,” Patrick says with a smile. He gives David’s hand a squeeze and then they make their way into the kitchen to deal with their dinner, Patrick searching for a strainer for the pasta as David turns off the heat. They work together easily, plating their food and digging in, and their conversation returns to mundane things like whether Patrick’s version of Bolognese is appropriate even though it’s made with ground beef, and why flat pasta tastes better than round pasta.
They’ve finished loading the dishwasher and putting away their leftovers when David stops wiping the counter and turns to Patrick, one hand on his hip. “So, you don’t care if I don’t drink?” David’s face is studiously neutral, but Patrick can tell he’s nervous about Patrick’s answer.
“Nope. I really don’t. It’d be good for me to stop, too. At least for a while.”
David holds Patrick’s gaze, and for a moment Patrick thinks he’s going to argue, but then he just nods. “Okay.”
“Okay.”
They migrate to the couch, and David turns on another cooking show (this one has the contestants running through a grocery store to find their ingredients, and it makes Patrick think about David at the nearby supermarket this afternoon, patiently going through Patrick’s ridiculously detailed list to find the 15 oz cans of organic, fire-roasted petite diced tomatoes), and before he knows it Patrick is nodding off.
“Hey.”
Patrick opens his eyes, finding David looking at him from the other end of the couch.
“Want to go to bed?”
Patrick squints to see the time on the clock in the kitchen. “It’s not even nine.”
David shrugs. “So?” He stands up and holds out his hand. “I’m open to an early night.”
It should bother him, this coddling from David, but it doesn’t. After he got beat up, Patrick had quickly turned away his parents’ suggestion that he come home to recuperate. At the time he was too upset about where he had ended up – alone, unemployed, and frankly feeling like an idiot for having let his life turn into such a mess – to let his family take care of him. He can’t believe it was only a week ago. And it was only forty-eight hours ago that he ran into David in the Milwaukee airport. It’s crazy how quickly everything has changed.
Patrick takes David’s hand and lets him help him up off the couch. He leans into David and tucks his face in the crook of his neck, and David hums reassurance and pats his shoulders. David smells like garlic and onions and Rose Apothecary body milk, and Patrick wants to stay here forever.
“Sorry, you’ll fall asleep on your feet, and that won’t work for either of us,” David says, and Patrick realizes he must have said that last bit out loud that. No harm done, it seems.
They take turns in the bathroom, and get changed into sleep clothes, David wearing the same striped t-shirt Patrick remembers from way back at Ray’s house. “Okay if I read for a while?” David asks, propping a pillow behind himself. He blinks at Patrick, his dark lashes hypnotizing, until Patrick rouses himself enough to respond.
“Of course.” Patrick slides under the covers and tucks himself against David almost automatically, his drowsiness letting him get away with it without even feeling awkward. David curls his arm around Patrick’s body, holding him close, and Patrick drifts off feeling better than he has in a long, long time.
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My Kevin Gilbert Story, and my latest single.
As some of you know I’ve had a few brushes with the “big break” that many in my line of work crave. I was signed to a major label in the early 1990s, and the record I turned in was shelved. The label wanted me to be the “next Michael Penn” and by that point not even Mr. Penn was interested in that, let alone me. I had three songs picked up for a movie, which was never released. I got out of my record contract and signed with another label, releasing an album that included 5 songs from the one that was shelved. The label put no money behind it. I had a big hit in 2009 and signed a European distribution deal, which fell apart when the married couple who ran the business fell into a messy divorce. I sold thousands and thousands of records in Eastern Europe – which were being sold by pirates. It took several years to get that fixed.
I had an audition that everyone felt I was a lock for to play keyboards for a Japanese band that had a huge following. My flight to the audition was supposed to be September 12, 2001. I actually watched the plane I was supposed to board land as it was the last flight grounded. I’ve done some engineering and performing I don’t get to tell anyone about – the NDA’s are pretty strong. One of my songs became the theme to a German Television show.
But let me tell you the story of a relationship I almost had with a multi-Grammy-winning star who soared high and made it further than I have, whose song I have made a cover of and released as a single today.
So where to begin. First of all, yes, I knew Kevin Gilbert. No, we weren’t friends, but we were colleagues and classmates. We performed together a few times – all of if school related. That’s it. Oh, and he invited me to a jam session he was going to have once and I turned him down. I’ll get to that.
Believe it or not, I have to tell this story starting in the middle. There was once a band called Toy Matinee. I loved that band. Clever songs, well written melodies, a sense of darkness and a sense of fun. It was a band that me and my roommate Max could agree on and we cranked that album loud and often. We went and saw them live at the Troubadour in Los Angeles, and were about 10 feet from the stage. This is NOT the live album released in 1999, but I can tell you they rocked the place that night. Played almost every song from the album, and did an encore of Elton John’s “Funeral for a Friend/Love Lies Bleeding” that smoked.
A great night.
Now I jump into the past, to tell the tale of the UCLA Synthesizer Ensemble. It was the brainchild of Professor Roger Bourland, who at the time was only in his 2nd year as a professor at the school and would later become dean of the department. He searched out the most rock and roll musicians in what was mostly a stuffy classical music department. Me. Dave Koz. Joel Harnel. And this kid named Kevin. The five of us took another student’s source material and arranged up a musical. Straight musical theater and full of schlock, and all performed on synthesizers. We eventually put on four shows, with the five of us in the orchestra pit. I wrote the show-stopper ballad and a Latin inspired piece. I hate to say it, but I no longer remember what everyone else did, although I remember Dave mostly for his EWI playing and Joel for multiple reasons – including the fact that he wrote and arranged all of the drum parts.
I knew Joel fairly well – we had played together a few times and he was even more rock and roll than me, with more experience. Dave Koz was, even then, Dave Koz. The only saxophonist I had met up to that point in my life who was better than me. We had played in jazz bands together but he was already a rising star. When he beat me for the gig with Richard Marx’s touring band his career just took off – but all this was before then. I was one of Roger Bourland’s students – in fact, I had been in the “test” classroom when he had auditioned for his job.
I barely knew this Kevin kid. I was constantly getting his name wrong – for whatever reason my brain had him wired as Kevin Anderson.
My only real interaction with him outside of this 12-week experiment was down in the practice rooms. Many of these rooms had pianos in them and on any given day you could hear Mozart, Brahms, Chopin and all of the other usual suspects. I would go and write my own material and be pounding out rock and roll. Kevin did that too. Once while in the middle of the writing process for the musical he came into my practice room while I was working on a song in the style of Elton John. He invited me to a jam session the next Tuesday he was going to, and I declined. Tuesday was when MY band practiced, and as their lead guitarist I needed the practice.
That was the end of it. After the musical was over we all drifted our separate ways and for the most part didn’t run into each other again. I ran into Dave once at a music festival in San Francisco and he introduced me to Clarence Clemmons, which was pretty damned cool.
By now you’ve figured out that Kevin was Kevin Gilbert. Congratulations. I hadn’t. For many years to follow I would remember him as Kevin Anderson.
Now I’ve told you all of this so that you understand that this is long BEFORE Max and I went to see Toy Matinee in concert. I became a fan of the band without knowing that Kevin was its leader. I was ten feet away from him, performing for an hour. I had performed with him myself.
I didn’t recognize him. Nothing clicked in my brain that this was the same guy. I didn’t put two and two together. I rolled for my intelligence check and got a one.
Kevin Gilbert would go on to a solo career, win seven Grammys for his work with Madonna, be part of the driving musical force behind Sheryl Crow’s first album, become one of the founders of the Tuesday Night Music Club, and become one of my songwriting heroes. The man could paint a picture with very few words and his musical ability was enviable.
And then he died; a victim of his own vices. I’m not going to go into that here – I know nothing at all and can shed no light on the subject.
Several years later I relocated to San Francisco with my family. I discovered the band Giraffe once I was on their home turf, and of course discovered the fact that Kevin Gilbert had been their leader when he was a teenager. BEFORE I knew him. Giraffe was a pretty damned good band that had come so startlingly close to making it big – their albums are worth hunting down and they did a fantastic live rendition of Genesis’ “Lamb Lies Down on Broadway” (the full album mind you) that is lots of fun.
I was looking for a recording studio for my second album when I ran across a man named Steve Smith who owned a recording studio down the peninsula from where I was living. In his bio, he briefly mentioned that he was the drummer for Giraffe. Awesome. On his web site of the time if you dug in a little bit there was a bio of Kevin Gilbert, and he talked about the brief time he spent at UCLA.
Parts of the story looked and felt awfully familiar to me. Smith talked about the musical without mentioning the name, and again, it felt familiar. Me being slightly brave, I wrote an e-mail to him to ask what was the title of that musical and that I might have been involved in it. He confirmed it for me.
Holy crap.
All of the pieces started falling into place then. The rehearsals, our discussions about piano playing, that I went to one of his shows and failed to recognize him? The fact that I think he invited me to come join the FUCKING TUESDAY NIGHT MUSIC CLUB and I didn’t even fucking notice!?!!?!!?!!?
I’m an idiot.
Actually, in looking back at the timeline I don’t think he invited me to join TNMC. That came a couple of years later – I think. I’m never going to know for certain. If he had told any of the other members I don’t know about it. I’ve exchanged about a dozen words with one of the other members over social media but we certainly don’t know one another.
I wonder if he saw me in the audience that night and laughed. I will never know. I can tell you there is an album version of that night you can listen to and/or buy. A then-unknown Sheryl Crow played keyboards in the band, dressed up like a dominatrix biker chick. When I found out about that later I was amazed – I didn’t recognize her either.
I’m an idiot.
Nick D’Virgilio of Spock’s Beard played drums. I don’t remember the name of the bass player but what I remember is this man with the thickest eyebrows I have ever seen in my life. Marc Bonilla played lead guitar. Oh, the people I could have met.
I never did work in Steve Smith’s studio. I no longer remember why.
When I was working on my third album in my newly built home studio I recorded a number of covers and one of those was Kevin Gilbert’s “Tea For One”. It’s a fantastic song of unrequited love and missed chances told from start to finish in only a few dozen words. I have no idea if he would have liked what I did to his song – he had a wicked sense of humor that I can recall now but I never got to know him on a personal level as a songwriter, which was my mistake. I could have but I was so focused on myself in those days that even if the overtures were made I probably didn’t even notice.
I recorded the song in what I called "Garage Pop" during those days. A bit uneven, imperfect vocals - what you might get from a band practicing in their garage instead of a polished studio version. If you want that, I recommend hunting down his version.
But I recorded “Tea for One” just the same – it’s a great song and I’d like to think I gave it some justice – even if it doesn’t come close his version. It was on the original version of my third album "The Long Goodbye", which I released myself, but was cut when the album was moved to digital streaming services (In all fairness, I cut 21 songs from the original release – which was a 2 CD set).
My music career has been dark for several years, but it got jump started in 2020 in the middle of the pandemic and I’ve been revisiting a lot of my unreleased work since, and of all the covers I did this is still my favorite. I am releasing it now, in tribute to a musician I admire and could have called friend if I had just paid a bit of attention.
The guy holding the roses was me, as it turns out. I had no idea.
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For those of you with very long memories you should listen to the full single on Spotify, because I’ve thrown in a little bonus for people who remember the 1980’s band ASK. Just a little piece of a little ditty written by me, Kevin Donville and Ed Lee.
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