#and dean has let angels possess Sam before so why not Jack! they know Jack! Jack won’t lie to them or trick them! he’s only going to help!!!

[quietwingsinthesky]

actually wait can Jack possess people? I guess it doesn’t really matter because he can if I say he can and anyway what if he possessed Sam :3

[ruinedsam]

If we still get the nephilum arc, after Jack is born, Lucifer heads to the bunker, where there is currently a gathering of Sam and Dean and however many of their friends are still alive at this point/perhaps didn’t die as a result of Sam having an archangel whispering in his ear, and proudly announces that his and Sam’s son is named Jack, when does everyone wish to meet him? “After all, Dean, it’s not every day you become an uncle.” Sam, who has stopped thinking it’s weird that Lucifer is like this about Sam due to how long he’s been dealing with Lucifer and the fact that he absolutely cannot think about this when there is nothing he can do to change it, asks how exactly Sam is the child’s parent while everyone else makes a cacophony of noise, most of which are expletives. Lucifer only addresses Sam, as is typical of him here because at any given moment it is entirely possible Lucifer only registers Sam’s presence and others in the room are window dressing, and informs Sam that due to Vessel Reasons, the child is also Sam’s. Sam visibly shuts down, he can handle a lot but this is a stretch even for him. Castiel decides to set that aside for a later time and asks how Lucifer even got in, the warding should keep out every angel but Castiel; Castiel is the only one other than Sam capable of speech because he is very very aware of how Lucifer is about Sam* and isn’t all that surprised by this. Lucifer scoffs and says that his true vessel is around, no ward can keep him out of a place Sam is in now; this would be because the body Sam is currently in was resurrected while possessed and had Lucifer latch on so tightly he can never be removed. Sam must now contend with the fact that he can never ever escape Lucifer; this is an added layer of tension between him and Castiel because Castiel freed him from the Cage and Cas is someone it’s safe to get angry at but Lucifer is not. Cas visibly blanches when Lucifer explains just why he can get around wards after Sam asks for an explanation, again due to Cas knowing Lucifer’s stance on his vessel. So Sam found out he was a father just minutes before learning Lucifer would never leave him alone; I think there should also be a layer of concern for Sam that Lucifer is not going to let him die or like age, that Lucifer will just freeze him in time because vessels appear to be frozen at the age of possession (Cain’s didn’t age and Castiel told Jimmy he wouldn’t age so ignore that the actor of course aged over the show) and Lucifer told Sam that he’d just bring him back if Sam died. So not only can Lucifer find Sam anywhere in the world, but Sam is growing increasingly worried that Lucifer will not let him go, not even for death. But back to Jack, Jack also considers Sam to be a parent, but for the life of him he can’t figure out why; Lucifer refers to Jack as “their” son all the time. For years, Sam has been trying to differentiate himself from Lucifer and establish that they are separate entities, for all that Sam has found himself needed less and less sleep over the years as he spends more time with an archangel’s grace entwined in his DNA so it looks like soullessness was not the entire reason for the lack of sleep, and then there’s the kid looking at Sam and calling him a father because he feels like Lucifer and maybe Sam will never be able to determine where he ends and Lucifer begins because that point is nonexistent.

Btw, I read this really good fic about what led to Sam saying yes in End-verse, featuring Lucifer telling Sam he would not allow Sam to age or die so Sam could very well live for centuries, and that’s part of the basis. If you’re interested, it’s called “Meteor” by Capsherlocked, you need an account.

*A key thing is that for all Lucifer doesn’t hide that he’s obsessed with Sam, what others see does not begin to let on the full scale of it. Castiel only knows the truth due to the possession, yet even he doesn’t see all of it. 4/4

Lucifer only addresses Sam, as is typical of him here because at any given moment it is entirely possible Lucifer only registers Sam’s presence and others in the room are window dressing

YES YES YES YES YES THIS IS HOW IT SHOULD BE

The Sam & Jack & Lucifer relationship is so fascinating to me and the great thing about it is that it's really fucked up in any scenario. There is something to be said for the way it is in canon, with Sam becoming a parent of choice to Lucifer's son, and I also really like Jack as Sam's biological son (either via possession or rape & mpreg horror), but Sam as Jack's parent due to true vesselism is also really interesting. It's about how Sam is inextricably bound to Lucifer and can't do anything against that. Jack is the living proof of how deeply, irreversibly enmeshed Sam and Lucifer are (insert sicko laugh here).

Ohh that fic sounds interesting 👀 I marked it for later (though later may be much, much later with the way I currently are about spn fanfic lol), thanks for the rec <3

[autisticgayngel]

Canonverse Castiel-centric/pining/loving Cas fics

some of these are Dean's POV and a lot are alternating POV, but all of them really delve into Cas's emotions and his love for Dean. All canonverse and all happy endings. Categorised by post-confession, pre-s15 curtain fic and other canon-era. Descending word count within each category. If anyone has any recs for things I should add lmk!

Post-Confession Fics

things happen (they do, they do, and they do) by sobsicles 28k rating E

Everyone has recced this, and for good reason, it's stunning. Cas gets back from the empty and Dean sort of lets him down gently and is very worried about breaking his heart. Despite this Cas is finally able to express to Dean how much he loves him and takes full advantage of this. He's earnest and sweet and so intense about it, but also incredibly hurt about the lack of reciprocation, though he tries to hide it. He does get the love he deserves in the end and it's so good!

closer (isn't close enough) by fleeceframe 18k rating E

Again, Dean's POV, but very much focused on how much Cas loves him. Has the gorgeous Cas line: “When you are hungry, you eat. When you are tired, you rest. When you are dirty, you bathe. But what are you supposed to do with love?”

My unintended by DeanaWinchester, Jeanne_de_Valois 10k rating E

Really good Cas POV, he’s obsessive and insecure but also deeply loving.

my heart a compass by lagaudiere 10k rating T

The empty torments Cas with visions of Dean and of the family he longs to have with Dean. Dean saves him.

I said show me something by ilovehowyouletmefall 7k rating E

Sparked by the debate about whether or not Dean thinks Cas can feel. Cas is hurt by Dean saying he thought he couldn't feel and vulcan mind melds to show him exactly how he feels about him. It's a really interesting exploration of both of their feelings and fears.

Gift by thisisapaige 2k rating G

Very sweet little fic of them trying to work things out once Cas returns from the empty.

Pre-s15 Curtain Fics

take the long way home by dothraki_shieldmaiden 95k rating E

Dean tries to retire with his family but finds himself alone as Sam and Jack take a road trip and Cas goes hunting in order to prove he's still useful as a human and to avoid thinking about his feelings for Dean. Really agonising and harrowing at the start as they both feel so rejected and miserable. Cas gets into situations where monsters use his feelings for Dean to attack him. Eventually, they're able to tentatively work out their feelings and settle down together and it's very sweet.

Morning Glory by edgarallanrose 26k rating E

Dean and Cas retire together. Cas becomes a beekeeper and Dean starts to use the honey he makes to bake goods, which they sell at the farmer's market. Cas is very much in love with Dean but it takes Dean a bit longer to work things out.

Other Canon-era

A Winter's Tale by NorthernSparrow 64k rating T

This one hurts a lot, so fair warning for that. Cas falls ill while human and homeless and is hospitalised. Dean finds the journal Cas kept as he struggled to survive in this time. Pre-Destiel but Cas does write a lot about his feelings for Dean. Sam and Dean shower Cas with love and kindess as he recovers. Also a destiel epilogue that is very sweet and fluffy.

In the Shadow of your Wings by Enochian Things (Salr323) 57k rating E

Cas confesses his love to Dean post s11 finale but the timing is terrible and Dean is very repressed about it all and breaks Cas's heart. Cas gets an Italian man of letters boyfriend in an attempt to get over it and Dean is insanely jealous (which Cas is oblivious to) but they all have to work together to try to save Sam from the BMOL. Dean eventually gets his shit together and treats Cas the way Cas has learnt to understand he deserves.

That Black Dog Ache by SaltyWords (agent4hire22) 28k rating E

This is very much Dean's POV but I'm putting it here anyway because it has a really intense love confession from Cas, which I'll include an excerpt of that drives me insane:

'“I listen to your music, and I close my eyes. I try to imagine I’m in the Impala, hunting with you. And, sometimes,” his throat jumped, “I lay on your bed. I think about what it would be like if I got to have a place on it beside you... If you ever let me get close enough.”'

Kelp!I Need Somebody by andimeantittosting (Saylee) 27k rating E

A really sweet fic in which Sam, Dean and Cas go to investigate a case on Jesse and Cesar's ranch. Switching POV with really good mutual pining as they tentatively begin to realise the other feels the same.

Being Dean Winchester by Anonymous 26k rating E

Set early s4, Cas has to possess Dean temporarily. While doing this, he has to work to hide his feelings from Dean. Cas is already obsessed with Dean and in love with him but is embarrassed by it and struggles to keep Dean from seeing all of this, especially when Dean wants to have sex with someone while Cas is possessing him.

Après by imogenbynight 24k rating E

Set after the angels fall in s8. Cas falls to earth in Paris and realises he's in love with Dean. Dean comes to get him and they find love together in Paris.

desiderium, lost by atlasian 20k rating T

Castiel confesses his love for Dean and Dean tells him to move on. Cas tries, fairly unsuccessfully, before Dean gets it together.

No Other Worthy Quest by MajorEnglishEsquire 15k rating E

Cas just loves Dean very much.

'“For fuck's sake,” his skin is heating. Cas can feel it. “Stop saying lovey-dovey shit.”

“I know,” Cas rolls his eyes. “It’s so mortifying for you when I want to tell you I love you. I’m using all my self-restraint, I promise not to embarrass you.”'

The Arrow by jscribbles 12k rating T

Valentine's day and Cas has been hit by a Cupid's arrow and is literally sick with love for Dean.

and all this devotion by dothraki_shieldmaiden 10k rating M

Dean gets hurt on a hunt and Cas takes care of him in a cabin. Very sweet, delightful Cas POV of him being very much in love.

Cuckoo And Nest by komodobits 10k rating E

Cas struggles to work out why Dean deems some things meaningful and some things worthless, and where he fits into this apparent dichotomy. Really gorgeous and agonising Cas POV that deals with their constant issue of Dean just wanting Cas to stay and Cas wanting Dean to want him to stay but they're both too afraid to express it.

Breathe by turningthepages 9k rating G

Dean and Cas platonically sleep together to help with Dean's sleep. Cas both likes the situation and longs for it to mean more.

First Date by aeli_kindara 9k rating T

Dean asks Cas on a date and they're both trying very hard to make it all work. The sequel is stunning too.

'Dean says, “We should do that. Go on a date.”

Something in Castiel’s chest fuzzes, like static on a TV, and stops.'

weights on my ankles by dothraki_shieldmaiden 9k rating M

After 15x3 The Rupture, Cas goes back to Rexford. While there, he thinks about how Dean hurt him all those years ago and how he hurt him more recently. Partly a 9x6 Heaven Can Wait fanfic-gap fic.

Let it Linger by OmniscientOranges 8k rating M

Cas starts sleeping with men out of jealousy when watching Dean pick up women at bars. The way the fic describes how in love he is and how hopeless he feels about it is both agonising and very sweet.

He Thought He Was Reckless by MajorEnglishEsquire 8k rating M

Cas plays up injuries so that Dean will coddle him. Self-woobification from the Angel of the Lord and it's so sweet!

Something to Protect by Sass_Master 6k rating G

Cas tries to work out how to make Dean feel less unsafe so that he no longer has to jolt awake. Sweet, tentative intimacy and Cas enjoying it so much.

lonely hearts. by outpastthemoat 5k rating G

Deals with Cas accompanying Sam and Dean on hunts and feeling incredibly lonely and longing to be with Dean. He finds solace in romance novels.

Some People Would Call This Romantic by almaasi 5k rating G

Human Cas goes to the beach and finds it rather overwhelming. Taking a romantic walk with Dean along the beach is also overwhelming.

The Tea is Decaf by mnwood 4k rating T

Really sweet! Cas and Eileen talk and gossip about Sam and Dean in the bunker at night over tea.

A Place to Rest by Inessencedivided 3k rating G

Dean and Cas talk through things after the Stuck in the Middle with You love confession. Cas cries some more.

White Noise by domesticadventures 2k rating G

Cas struggles with feelings of worthlessness in the aftermath of Lucifer's possession.

Receipts by surlybobbies 1k rating G

Cas writes little notes about how much he loves Dean on receipts from meals they share together. Dean finds them.

[astermacguffin]

What if the Mark of Cain manifests differently when it's imprisoning God and not the Darkness? If the Darkness makes the Mark bearer go insane with unbridled want for destruction, then what does sealing God make you do?

An obsessive desire for creation? Creation to the point of corruption? (Think of the Shimmer from the film Annihilation. Continuous reproduction to the point of begetting alien, cancer-like entities. A refracted, distorted notion of creation.)

Okay, so canon divergence from The Trap. They successfully seal away Chuck, then Castiel bears the Mark. (Jack won't be back until later episodes, so he's not here yet.)

At first, they think he's fine. Cas says he's not feeling any bloodlust just yet. (He does feel a certain itch under his skin. Not a desire to murder, but a desire to do...something. He doesn't tell this to anyone.)

His grace is getting stronger, almost archangel-like (if not more). It's incredibly helpful for hunts, and Cas is happy to feel his wings healthy again after a long time. Sam is happy for him, but Dean is suspicious of things (especially since he's a previous Mark bearer).

After a while, Cas starts feeling...burdened, almost bloated by grace. (After all, he does have access to an infinite supply of it.) He needs to have an outlet for it.

Cas tells them so and Sam suggests healing people. Dean gives the green light on the condition that he remains invisible and he doesn't go Godstiel on them again.

It's a great outlet, and for the first few weeks they start feeling normal again. But unfortunately, healing stops being enough to relieve Cas of his excess grace anymore. The mass healings start to pile up all across the globe and it catches everyone's attention. Some think it's a blessed miracle, some think it's a sign of the end times. They make him slow down on the healings after that.

Without an outlet, however, Cas starts feeling antsy and pained. They brainstorm on possible alternatives. Cas suggests going to Heaven and saving it from collapse by healing his brethren's wings and creating more angels out of consenting souls in Heaven.

He explains Heaven's endangered and dwindling numbers. Sam agrees that it would hit two birds in one stone: relieve Cas from excess grace and prevent the extinction of angels. Dean doesn't like the idea of more winged dicks so he shoots down the idea. Eileen says that since Cas is the one in pain, he should be the one to decide.

Ultimately, Cas defers to Dean's judgment (as always). Sam protests, arguing that he can't just shoulder that pain. Cas replies: "I've suffered worse, Sam."

Cas doesn't complain about the pain for about a week, so for a while, everyone believes him when he said he can shoulder the pain. One day, Dean finds him outside the bunker, groaning in pain as he bleeds himself out, his grace pouring into the ground and sprouting plants. Dean sees this and is finally convinced to allow Cas to make more angels.

What follows then is a series of escalating events:

While Sam and Eileen are practicing their witchcraft for spell they need in a hunt, Cas suggests to enhance Sam's physical and magical abilities using his grace. "It will make the process faster and safer," he reasons. He agrees, but Dean eyes this suspiciously.

During one of their hunts, they encounter a young and freshly-turned vampire. The boy begs them not to kill him, and Cas gives him a proposal. "Promise not to feed on humans ever again and I shall cure you of your hungers and your pains. Pledge your allegiance to me and you shall never be afraid of yourself ever again." The boy agrees, and before Dean could even protest, Cas slices his palm and feeds the vampire his grace.

They argue about the grace-feeding in the Impala. Dean notices Sam's pointed lack of complaints and figures it out. "You're in on this, aren't you? How long has Cas been doing this? He's going Michael behind our backs and you're letting him?"

Sam argues that it's different because Cas isn't making super monsters; he's making them less "monstrous" (whatever that means). Sam's obsession with his own "purity" is key to understanding him here.

One time, Dean catches Cas in his "garden" ("forest" seems more apt with how lush the greens already are) creating butterflies and bees out of thin air using his grace alone.

Reports of the miraculously healed people suddenly gaining new abilities like increased strength, heightened senses, and prophecy start popping up. Some are experiencing phantom limbs, talking about their sprouting "wings."

Sam is becoming addicted to Cas' grace to the point that he willingly lets himself be hurt in hunts just so Cas can cure him. Dean confronts him about this, but Sam just argues that he's "never felt this pure before." Eileenn shares the same concern as Dean.

Hunts are becoming less frequent the more monsters are being "cleansed" by Cas. The world is becoming disconcertingly quiet.

Cas' "garden" is starting to emit this strange aura. The plants and creatures growing inside it are starting to look more...alien.

One of the original angels goes to Dean and tells him of Heaven's affairs. The Host is stable again, but the angels he created are...not exactly angels. They're graced up and they sustain Heaven, but their true forms are "horrifying and incomprehensible, even to an angel." The angel adds that more than 60% of Earth's creatures have already been touched by Cas' grace.

The final nail in the coffin is when Dean catches Cas in the garden fiddling with his angel blade. It's emitting a strange glow, vibrating a subtle hum and looking as if it's liquid, flowing and distorting here and there.

Dean asks him what he's holding. "Oh, this?" Cas responds. "This is the Last Blade. Last, not in terms of time but in concept, for no other blade shall ever compare to it. The spark of creation. Fiat lux."

Dean's heart sinks. Of course. The First and the Last, Alpha and Omega. "Cas...the Mark, I think i-it's scrambling your brain, man."

"I know," he replies, eyes wet and apologetic. It's a small moment of lucidity amidst weeks and months of...whatever that was.

"Okay, okay, so you're still you, that's... that's good. Okay." Dean doesn't know how to approach this. Give him a fight and he'll know what to do, but this? Watching his best friend, the love of his life, be distorted into something incomprehensible? Yeah, this is totally beyond him.

"You know, I used to hate Chuck," Cas says. "How could the Father of All Creation be this angry, petulant child? But," he continues, "knowing what I know now, it's either regressing into a petty child or being reduced to insanity."

"Cas...what are you talking about, man?"

"No mind should bear this burden, Dean. No matter how infinite they are," he says, voice trembling in exhaustion.

(more below the cut)

He continues. "The awareness of everything is the awareness of nothing at all. Imagine perceiving every possible piece of information about the world all at once. Seeing light in all its forms all at once: ultraviolet, infrared, etc. Sensing all the neutrinos zip by, sensing gravitational waves, sensing the slighest bit of seismic activity."

Dean doesn't know how to respond, so he lets him go on.

"Knowledge can only ever be a slice of the Totality of Truth. Truth is absolute chaos, and Knowledge is the partial ordering of this chaos. One can sanely approach Truth only through organized paritions of Totality. Why do you think Chuck is so obsessed with stories? Stories are linear and finite; they're sensible snippets of the endless sea of possible worlds."

"So, what? Are you trying to—"

"I'm not trying to justify Chuck's actions, Dean," he interrupts. "I just want to contextualize them. Chuck's simplistic and repetitive narratives are what they are: manifestations of a chaotic Totality, gone insane trying to understand itself. Looking for simple things to hold on to."

Cas takes a deep breath. He speaks with a shaky voice. "I'm barely holding myself together, Dean. I can feel the universe beneath my skin."

He doesn't know what possesses him to ask, but he does it anyway. "What are you holding on to?"

Cas smiles at that. "You."

They stare at each other for a while, frozen where they stand. Cas, with unrestrained affection in his face. Dean, struck by shock and indecision. It's Cas who first breaks the silence.

"I think we both know what needs to be done, while I'm still lucid enough." Cas slices his palm and lets his blood drip down the soil. He then thrusts the Last Blade into the ground, lifting it when the soil glows.

Dean stared in awe as the ground erupts and a familiar shape rises from the hollow. "Is that.."

"The Ma'Lak box, yes. I also enhanced it with the Blade to be able to house things as powerful as me."

"Cas, wait, maybe we can think of another way to—"

"Dean," he says, calmly. "You know there's no other way. I wouldn't ask this of you if there was."

In any other scenario, Dean would've kept arguing, but even he knows that they're running out of time. Sam's grace addiction is getting worse and all the creatures touched by Cas' grace are slowly mutating into eldritch horrors. Dean offers a shaky nod. "Okay."

Tension visibly releases from Cas' body. "Thank you, Dean." He opens the box and enters it with ease. "When you lock this, bury me with the garden's graced soil. Once I'm under, my influence over the world should dampen."

Dean gives a wordless nod. For a while, they just stared at each other, Cas lying down and Dean trying to memorize every inch of his face while he can.

Cas presses his hand into Dean's left shoulder where his mark used to dwell. "My untainted grace," he whisper gently. "Some of it is still inside you. That's probably why you're not as affected by me."

Dean wants to say, I'll always be affected by you, but he holds himself back.

He takes his hand back, a bloody handprint now on Dean's jacket. "I love you, Dean," he says, breathless.

"Cas..."

"I probably would've built up to that if we had more time but," he makes a surprised laugh, "I am, as you would say, already 'losing my marbles', so."

The air quotes would've been funny and endearing in any other scenario, but it just makes Dean's vision blur up with tears.

"Thank you for everything, Dean. I know we've done nothing but repeatedly hurt each other these past few years, but I don't want to spend a deathless eternity with that as my memory of you. I forgive you, even for the things you haven't forgiven yourself for yet. And I'm sorry for everything, especially for ending things like this."

He should probably wipe away his tears to clear his vision, but Dean can do nothing but stare at Cas in awe, in fear, in grief, in reverence. They're both fully crying now.

"Goodbye, Dean."

"Wait, Cas."

Cas looks at him, waiting.

"Can you...can you say it again?"

He doesn't need to clarify what 'it' means. They both know.

With one last mournful smile, Cas says: "I love you, Dean."

And with that, Dean finally gathers all the strength he needs to shut the lid and lock the box. He stares at it for a while, unblinking. He forgot to ask, Can you hear my prayers down there? But it's too late now to ask.

The box automatically lowers itself into the hole it arose from. Now all that's left to do is to cover it again with soil.

Dean doesn't bother with a shovel. He gently buries the box with his hands deep in the soil, some of it getting trapped under his nails. He continues the mindless task, whispering a tireless series of I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I hope you're okay I'm sorry, over and over between his quiet sobs. Cas is quiet inside the box. No screaming or crying. Dean doesn't know if that's better or worse.

When the final clump of soil is pressed into the mound, he suddenly feels it: a visceral shift that echoes throughout the world. The alien glimmer of the garden dims, and the world corrects its axis. Dean screams his agony into the air.

That's how Sam finds him: sprawled over a mound of soil, crying his heart out. Dean doesn't need to say anything: he knows what happened. He pulls his brother off the ground and brings him inside the bunker.

For the first two weeks, Dean cycles through drinking and passing out in various places in the bunker. If he's not wearing the jacket, he's holding it with close to him. Sam gives him a considerable space to grieve while he monitors the world grace problem with Eileen. The grace mutations have significantly dropped since then and everyone's going back to normal.

Unfortunately, that means monsters are getting hungry again. Sam doesn't want to leave his brother alone after going nonverbal with grief and dysfunctional due to alcohol. Eileen assures him that she can handle hunts on their own and that the hunter network that they're building will lessen the workload.

Sam's attempts to sober Dean up finally work, mostly due to the latter having very little strength to protest. Dean remains sober an entire day for the first time in weeks, and all he can think about is: I haven't prayed to Cas in a while. The longing might have reached him, but never a coherent prayer.

The first time he goes out of the bunker in a while, he heads straight to Cas' garden. Sam's glad that he's finally going out because "the sun is good for you" or something, but he's really only here for Cas. He kneels in front of the burial mound (where a patch of an unknown species of flowers is already growing).

The first prayer he says to him in a while is: I love you, Cas. I should've said it while you were still here. Not saying it out loud and just strongly thinking about the words somehow bolsters him to get the words through.

He's crying again, and he knows he's losing coherency. In his mind, he's explaining about his hangups and his regrets and his continuous denial of his own joy, but one constant remains: he's beaming all his love and affection into this prayer.

He's halfway through explaining all the traits that he finds endearing in Cas when suddenly, he feels it like a snap. If the glimmer dimmed when he buried Cas, now it's as if it was never there in the first place. With an unsettling amount of certainty, Dean just knows that Cas is gone. For real, this time.

"C-cas...?" It's the first thing he's said in a while and it sounds rough in his long unused voice.

"CAS! CAS!!! " He's now screaming, ripping away the flowerbed with his bare hands and scratching the soil away. Tears are obstructing his vision, but he has no time to wipe them away. He needs to make sure that is really gone. His hands are bleeding and he doesn't give a damn.

Eventually, Sam comes running towards him. "Dean! Dean, stop!"

He tries to hold his brother back, but Dean just keeps on clawing away soil. "Sammy, Sammy he's gone, he's not there anymore, Sammy I have to see, please, let me see Cas again, I need—" he breaks into sobs again, and like a puppet with its strings cut off, he slumps into Sam.

"Dean, it's okay, it's okay..." he says softly to his shaking brother.

Eventually, when Dean calms down, he looks at the carnage he's done and starts sobbing again. The flowers, his last evidence of Cas being here, are all destroyed. Now Cas truly is gone.

. . .

When Cas first heard Dean's confession prayer, he was overcome with joy. When he realized what that means, however, his stomach suddenly sinks.

He hears before he sees the Empty arrive, slithering like black goo.

"Wow, were you excited enough for eternal slumber that you wanted a preview?" The Shadow teases in Meg's voice.

At first, he was dreading the Empty, but now that he thinks of it, it's actually the perfect prison for him: a vast, endless nothingness for him to fill with his creations.

And if Jack wasn't in Heaven, that only means that he's in the Empty, and he can't wait to see his son again. Even when blinded by the madness of the universe, he can never forget the joy of being a father.

"Yes," he replies, "I'm actually glad you're here now."

. . .

Somewhere around the globe, Billie drops Jack back.

"Don't worry, kid. You'l reunite with your father very soon."

(to be continued)

[norahastuff]

penny for your thoughts on salmondean codependency ?

Sure. Fair warning it’s long (was longer but I stopped myself.)

I think it’s complicated in a show that’s had so many different showrunners because they’ve all handled Sam and Dean’s relationship very differently. In Kripke’s era (s1-5) there was a romanticization of the bond. Sure there was a lot of in-depth exploration of how they wound up at the place they were at, spoiler alert: it was all because of John and his obsessive crusade to find the demon that killed his wife. That’s all he cared about and as a result, Sam and Dean had to be everything to each other. But Kripke had no intention of dismantling that at any point because he was (and always had been) writing a tragedy. Gamble continued that too. There was no room for anyone else in their lives and it would always just be the two of them against the world. So Cas had to go. Bobby had to go.

(Actually, it's funny because Gamble didn't intend this at the time, her plan was to kill Cas off, but by Edlund creating the masterpiece that is The Man Who Would Be King, he not only saved Cas from being seen as a villain, but he also deepened Dean and Cas' relationship in such a profound way and inextricably linked the two of them emotionally. And since Cas was eventually brought back, that laid the foundation for a lot of what their relationship would become.)

Up until this point, there hadn’t really been any significant dismantling of perhaps the more unhealthy parts of Sam and Dean’s relationship. Enter Carver. He stripped things down and started to explore what drove these characters. What they wanted and why they couldn’t have it. It starts with Dean being mad at Sam for not looking for him in purgatory, which sets up the whole speech in the s8 finale of Sam’s guilt about letting Dean down, but the thing is, Dean was never honest with Sam about his year away either. He never told Sam he could have gotten out much sooner if he hadn’t stayed to find Cas. I mean Dean had assumed Sam was up there alone doing God knows what to try to bring him back, and yet still he stayed in Purgatory because things were clear there. He needed Cas. Anyway, I just find that interesting, but Cas isn’t a victim of Sam and Dean’s relationship in s8.

Who gets the honour of being cast aside? That would be Benny and Amelia, two characters they introduced in s8 specifically to highlight that Sam and Dean’s relationship doesn’t allow for anyone else to be a significant part of their life. I mean that’s nothing new, we’ve watched that happen many times before. Lisa even said as much to Dean. The thing is this time? It’s framed as a truly sad thing. That moment at the end of 8x10 when Dean has just ended things with Benny and Sam leaves Amelia, and they’re sitting alone drinking beer and watching tv is such a hollow empty moment. This is not what they want. But it’s the way things have to be.

I’m actually fascinated by Sam and Dean’s conversation in the church in the s8 finale. Not so much Dean’s assertion that there is no one else he would put before Sam, but more so what provokes it, which is Sam saying “who are you going to turn to instead of me. Another angel? Another vampire?” See the thing is Dean saying he would always put Sam first is not news. We know this and it’s not really an unhealthy statement in itself either. A lot of people would put their sibling above anything else, not less a sibling who you raised and is the most important person to you. But in this context? After what Sam said? It just highlights how unhealthy they are if Sam believes that Dean having other people in his life means he doesn’t love him enough. That he’s a disappointment to him. That’s so profoundly fucked up.

(Note, Dean tells Sam that he killed Benny for him but he doesn’t say anything about Cas. I think like I said before, this is because Cas and Dean’s relationship has largely existed out of the Sam and Dean stuff up to this point - Sam and Cas don’t even really have much of a relationship yet besides both of their connections to Dean.)

And then from here, things start getting steadily worse. But we also keep being shown how bad they are. Dean lying to Sam, taking away his free will by letting Gadreel possess him. Dean sending Cas away, Kevin dying. It’s all awful. The whole “there ain’t no me if there ain’t no you line” from 9x01 isn’t really said by Dean, it’s Gadreel, but that is how Dean feels. He does think that’s all he’s good for. And over the season we’re shown how much of himself and what he truly wants he’s had to give up because of his ingrained “Save Sammy” and “Sammy comes first” mentality. It’s always been this way for him. In 9x07 we see that he had found a happy home, a good father figure, and his first love, a first love might I add that he had to leave behind with no real explanation because Sam needed him, and Sam comes first.

I mean just one episode earlier we had him rushing out the door elated about seeing Cas and spending time with him, only for their time together to come to sad and melancholic end when Dean once again leaves Cas behind without any real explanation, because despite what he wants Sammy comes first. What he wants doesn’t matter.

See I think after the Gadreel stuff comes out is where the narrative starts to get a little wonky for me. You can clearly see that this was intended to be a shorter story that they ended up stretching out to a much longer one because of renewals. There’s also the fact that this is a formula show so they can’t necessarily be separated for longer than an episode or two. S10 is a rough one to get through at times, I think the themes still mostly hold up but it’s a rough one to get through.

S10 highlights all the connections that Dean has, Cas, Charlie, Crowley even, but Sam doesn’t really have those bonds in the same way.  For Sam it’s just Dean, so he goes down a reckless destructive “do anything to save Dean!” path and so many innocents pay the price, and ultimately with the release of The Darkness, the whole world.

They skirted right up to the edge of exploring just how toxic and dangerous their relationship had become in the season 10 finale.

DEAN: I let Rudy die. How was that not evil? I know what I am, Sam. But who were you when you drove that man to sell his soul... Or when you bullied Charlie into getting herself killed? And to what end? A..a good end? A just end? To remove the Mark no matter what the consequences? Sam, how is that not evil? I have this thing on my arm, and you're willing to let the Darkness into the world.

I can’t say evil is the right word, they were never evil, but they were wilfully blind to everything and everyone else when it came to saving each other. S10 tested my love for the show because after watching it, because there was certainly a feeling that the two of them had become the villains of this story. And don’t get me wrong, I didn’t have a problem with that, it’s just after 2 seasons of this I can’t say I had a lot of faith that this was going to be properly addressed or if we were going to keep going in circles around it. Keep being shown, it’s bad and then nothing much being done to fix it. Your mileage may vary on how it was handled, but I think s11 did a relatively ok job considering it wasn’t the end of the story, and the show needed to keep going.

See from Dean’s side a lot of the codependency rests on 1. His father’s orders to always save Sammy 2. His low self-esteem where he sees himself as nothing but a blunt instrument. 3. His guilt at not being able to perfectly fulfil every familial role in Sam’s life 4. His belief that no one could choose to love him but family has to love you. 5. The unhealthy example of what it should look like to love someone that he got from John. You give up everything but them.

For Sam (and honestly it’s not as clear for me as Dean’s side is so feel free to correct me/disagree on this) 1. Everytime he’s tried to leave and create his own life it’s never ended well. 2. His guilt over wanting freedom and a normal life when he was younger (I’m referring specifically to Stanford era here) 3. His guilt over everything Dean has given up for him. 4. John. 5. Jess.

Ultimately it all comes down to isolation. They both had to be everything to each other, and the deeper they got into this fight, the more people that they lost, the tighter they clung to this notion of family and brothers. I think s11 (and 11x23 in particular) was an important turning point, both for Sam and Dean’s relationship, as well as for them as individuals. Because they weren’t alone there anymore. Cas was there. Sam let Dean walk to his death. Of course, it would devastate him, but he knew it was what had to be done. And he didn’t walk out of that bar and go back to the bunker alone. He had Cas, he had someone who cared about him and wanted to help him and talk to him. Sure Dean asked Cas to take care of Sam for him (you know after Cas offered to walk to his death with him) but Sam let him. He let him be there for him. We didn’t get to see much before the BMOL showed up and blasted Cas away, but still, we saw enough.

I think that’s a significant difference to note why their relationship was different in the Dabb era. It wasn’t just them anymore. Cas was an important member of their family and given a level of importance he’d never been given before and couldn’t have been when the story they were telling was of the dangers of their codependency. Mary was back. Eventually, Jack would become a part of their unit too. Just the two of them wasn’t enough for them anymore. This is made abundantly clear with all of Dean’s desperate attempts to get Cas to stay in s12, followed by his inability to keep going when they lose Cas and Mary in s13. Similarly, Sam really struggles when they lose Jack and fail to get Mary back later in the season.

Another big moment is Dean letting Sam go alone to lead the hunters against the BMOL in 12x22 while he stays back to try and reach Mary. Like he tells Mary, he’s had to be a brother, a father and a mother to Sam and he never stopped seeing him as his kid, but in that moment he makes a choice. He lets Sam take charge and he shows that he trusts him and believes in him. He knows he can handle it.

Sometimes it’s not even a character growth thing. Sometimes having other people there stops you from making destructive choices even though that’s still your first instinct. I’m thinking specifically of 13x21 after Sam was killed. Dean would have run headlong into that nest of vampires and got himself torn apart, but Cas was there to stop him. He was able to make him see reason.

Basically, I think that for a long time, they thought the only relationship they could have was each other, which then became a self-fulfilling prophecy because their desperate attempts to keep each other around led to them losing the people around them. They eventually started to learn that that wasn’t true, they could have more, they were allowed to want more, and that it wasn’t an either-or situation. Dean didn’t have to choose between Sam and Cas. They didn’t have to choose between each other or Jack. The same goes for Mary. Different relationships can coexist without threatening each other, and not say that their relationship in s12-15 was all smooth sailing, but it was certainly so very different from everything that came before.

(There’s maybe a point to be made about how they didn’t have anyone or anything in the finale and how that relates to the story we got, but honestly I have no idea what the intention was with any of the choices made in that episode so I’ll leave it at that for now.)

[maxineswritingcenter]

Heart’s Possession - MichaelxAdamxFem!reader Part 7

Adam and Reader grew up together and were high school sweethearts, after his death and learning about monsters, (Y/N) tries to move on but never forgets her first love. When ten years pass, what will happen when a familiar face appears?

TW: I’m sorry for what I must do

-

"Alright." Michael said as he walked back into the living room, "Message has been sent. Time and location and my words of 'defeat'." He air quoted the last word with his fingers.

The plan had been to trick God (easier said than done) into a trap. Jack had gotten an ability to absorb power from an incident where Dean has made him into a bomb to destroy God and his sister, Amara. The fact that God had a sister who was literally darkness was still mind-boggling. And then, Jack would be more powerful than God and could take him down.

Sam nodded, "Good. Now, Michael, after this, there's no going back. It ends. He ends."

The angel let out a long breath through his nose, looking down at his love as he spoke: "I know. I'm prepared for whatever he's going to do tomorrow." He faced the Winchesters again, "I will see to it that Adam returns. That the world will be as it once was." Sam and Jack slipped off around then to sleep before “the big day” leaving the eldest brother behind. 

Dean nodded, a smile twinging at his lips: "Ya know, what?" The couple turned to look at him, “You’re not half bad.” Michael smiled genuinely and nodded. He began tugging her towards the guest room when she slipped his hand from him. 

“I just need to talk to Dean for a minute. I’ll meet you.” Michael nodded at her words, pressing a kiss to her forehead and walking towards the bedrooms. 

When she looked back at Dean, he was leaning against the large table at the center of the room, sipping on a beer. He regarded her with a nod, motioning next to him on the table. Taking the offered spot, she smiled at him. 

“Thank you for believing him.” Looking back towards the direction where Michael had gone, she sighed: “Michael can be difficult, I know. But he really has changed.”

“Seems like Adam had a major effect on him.” Dean said, nudging her with his elbow. 

Thinking back, she nodded: “Yeah, Adam was just like that. I remember when we first met. Adam was this outgoing, brave kid. But he was the nicest and kindest. There were these four older kids who used to follow me around the playground, asking me if I slept in the graveyard or if I practiced kissing on the corpses.” 

“Jeez.” Dean muttered, grimacing at the thought.

She chuckled, “Yeah. Adam hadn’t been one for confrontation, these are the same kids who made fun of him for not having a dad. The kids were shoving me towards a dead bird on the playground, trying to push me on top of it. Then they were just... Gone. I looked back and I saw Adam just laying into them. He was yelling and punching.” 

“Kicked their ass?” Dean smirked. 

“Oh no, he got his behind handed to him.” She smirked, “He was like eighty pounds soaking wet at the time. Then when the parents were called, mine no showed, so Kate took us both for ice cream. And when I asked him why he would help me, he just smiled.” She could see his face now, his lip was busted, a black eye already forming, “He said ‘I wanted to help you’. And I fell in love right there.” 

Dean sat there for a moment in deep thought, “Look, (Y/N), I know we haven’t done right by you when we should have. And I’m sorry. When we get Adam back, I promise you we’re gonna be the family that he deserves.” 

“Thanks, Dean.” She patted his back, then made her way to the bedroom where Michael was standing in the corner like he was waiting for her return. 

“Come on.” She called softly, “We need rest.” 

“I don’t require-” 

“Yes, I know." She stood unnaturally straight with a serious expression, "You don’t require sleep.” After relaxing, she took his hands, leading him towards the bed. “But you need to relax your body. Your mind, if possible.” He smiled at her, rolling his eyes. 

“Am I sensing a break in your seriousness, archangel Michael?” She raised an eyebrow at him, draping her hands around his neck. 

“Only for those I love most, precious one.” His words caused heat to bloom in her cheeks, avoiding looking at his gaze. 

“Oh, are we shy now?” He teased, “So unlike you."

"Shut up."

-

Just before the sun was at its highest, three humans, an angel and a Nephilim made the trek to a beach alcove near Hastings. It was a peaceful place. The water sparkled in the sunlight, the only thing that dampened the moment was the overwhelming quiet of the place. No birds, no wildlife, not even a single mosquito.

They set up a spell in the alcove near the lake. The spell, as Sam described it, was just a glorified flashlight. All it would do is send up a beam of light and would alert Chuck where they were. They stood in a circle around the three metal bowls containing the spell ingredients, Sam "reading" Death's God book. (Y/N) gripped onto Michael's hand tightly, trying to steady her breathing as much as she could.

“Let’s light it up.” Dean said as he stood up from adding in the last of the ingredients.

Sam lit a match and dropped it in one of the three bowls on the ground with a few words of Latin. The bowls sparked to life, sending a bright blue beam of light into the sky. And then, the spell seemed to "fizzle out" and the beam was gone, the three bowls being thrown apart from the loss of energy.

Dean stared down at the spell in confusion, looking to Sam: “Wait. What happened? What’s wrong?”

Sam’s face was looking past Michael and (Y/N), Dean and Jack's gaze following. It was a gaze that made her hair stand up on end, like they were staring at the monster at the end of a book.

The angel turned them both around to stare at the man he called father, God.

Honestly, she wasn't sure what she was expecting. But the man who stood in front of her looked like just that: a man. He wore a tweed suit with an open jacket, his hair was slightly curled, beard touched with gray.

God smirked at the group, waving his hand. An invisible force blew Dean, Sam, and Jack to the ground, and the power had made her heart rate skyrocket. But the sweat against her palm told her that Michael was also nervous.

“Father.” Michael spoke sternly, as if he were back to being the soldier he had been.

“Son.” His father replied with the same lack of enthusiasm, “And, listen, I appreciate the heads-up about all this.” playing right into the trap.

“It’s always been my destiny to serve you.” Michael's smile was bittersweet.

“Yeah.” God drawled out, “The thing is, it’s kind of late in the game. You did side with the Winchesters. Plus, it seemed that you were also touched by humanity. That I can't forgive."

“Father, no.” Michael shook his head, “That was a lapse of judgment, I admit, but I swear I-”

“Save it!” The Allmighty's eyes turned a bright blue color, Michael's jaw shut tightly as the blast from his words hit them.

Then God smiled, a little chuckle in his voice as he turned to face her. While his eyes were kind, they still pierced into her soul.

"Ya know, I never would have guessed such an insignificant waste of plasma would be able to sink her hooks into Adam, let alone such a powerful being." His words were harsh, a dull ache forming in her belly. "The phrase God's mistake comes to mind and funnily enough; you were a mistake." He moved his hands in a spinning motion. "Just threw some bits and bobs together to make sure that John Winchester's child got a funeral; that was when the Winchester's weren't on my shit list." The ache in her stomach grew in pain, her teeth biting into her cheek to take her mind off of it, off of his beratement, off of the pain in her hand from Michael's increasing grip.

"But that's not your fault." He said sympathetically, "But it is your fault that Michael will be punished." The pain elevated in a sharp peak, bringing her to her knees with the loudest scream her throat would allow. Her insides felt like they were being ripped apart. She could even breathe long enough before another cry of agony ripped through her. She could taste blood and bile mixing in the back of her throat, bubbling with each scream. Michael was kneeling beside her, eyes wide and panicked. He pressed two fingers to her forehead, like he healed her and others countless times before, but it wasn't working.

"Sorry, you can't heal her." Chuck shoved his hands in his pockets, watching the show.

The angel looked to the others, seeing Dean and Sam struggling to get off the ground, held down by his father's will. They were all made to watch.

Eyes burning, vision hated with blood, (Y/N) could no longer scream. Life's blood violently projected from her throat as her body desperately tried to expel the blood filling her lungs.

Soon, the waves of red ceased, only a stream as she collapsed on the ground. Rocks digging into her cheek. Michael's trembling hands pulled her on his lap, tears trailing down his cheeks.

"No, no, no, no, please." He whispered through sobs, "Please not like this. I can't lose you, I can't-" He was cut off by a cough.

"It's so dark." She croaked as her vision failed. The white light everyone talked about, the one they would see when they died, was gone, nothing but an empty void.

“(Y/N)?” Michael whimpered as her body went limp. Then, as if to torture him more, as she took her last watery sounding breath she crumpled away into dust. 

The angel starred as his precious one flew away on the breeze, breathing erratically through his nose. He gritted his teeth tightly, going to stand even as his body shook. Staring his father down, he began to walk towards him. 

“I did everything you asked of me!” He shouted, pain in his every word, “I slaughtered thousands in your name, I murdered my own brothers. And you took everything that I had to show for it.” His eyes burned bright but before he could make a last mark on the world, God snapped his fingers. 

Michael then knew the darkness that (Y/N) had been so afraid of. 

-----------

Read the finale here!

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fic rec masterlist

canon divergent/finale fix its

Anamnesis

THIS! FIC! this fic lives in my head rent FREE it is so good and it makes so much sense in the narrative that the shitty finale concocted, as to why they wouldn't mention cas or anyone else and its just. so good and they write chuck in the most villainous way that i love!!!

"Chuck is depowered, Jack is the new god, and the world is free. Dean and Sam get into the Impala and chase down the miles on an endless highway, and their story is finally, finally their own to follow. At least, that's what Dean tells himself. But the diners and motels and painted interstate lines are blurring together and the smallest details keep catching at his brain like tiny fishhooks and he can't quite shake the feeling that not everything is exactly as it should be. Fix-it/alternate series finale. Canon-compliant through the end of 15.19."

Sunset Sound: Stairway to Heaven by @adhdeancas

GOD FUCKING CHRIST this is so good and sweet and im such a sucker for team ups and reunions!!! its 3:30 am rn and i just finished it and i love it SO much it made me laugh a lot and the last few chapters i had the stupidest grin just plastered to my face

The Closer the Star, the Greater the Parallax by @rocksalts​

repressed bastard dean submits to the mortifying ordeal of being known and receives the rewards of being loved but only after some miscommunication i LOVE this i read it last night and it’s a fast favorite. my interests have overlapped and i am INTO it

“When Dean sits down to watch some bullcrap Discovery Channel episode with Cas, he doesn’t expect to actually learn anything. Except, with Cas explaining, he makes an effort to connect the dots.”

Don't We All Deserve To Be Happy?

VERY sweet and a VERY good pick me up. all around feel good fic!!! 

"Post-canon fix-it, divergent from 15x19 where Jack stays and Dean doesn't die and Cas comes back and everyone is happy. Take a shot every time I'm salty about the finale."

Keep Your Love Alive

okay. okay okay okay this may be my favorite finale fix it just because of how well reasoned it is. like this feels what should have happened i love it SO much

"Dean gets to spend eternity sharing beers with Bobby on the Roadhouse porch and riding around in his Baby with Sam. He’s at peace… or he feels like he should be. But a few things nag at him: Where is Cas, and everybody else Dean had been hoping to see in Heaven? Why does he feel like he’s stuck in a loop, reliving the same memories over and over again? And who are the strangers wearing Sam’s and Bobby’s faces?"

The GoldenRod Revisions by @aethylas​

this is one of the most well written things ive ever read. the script format DID make it feel more real and honestly? this is better writing than this show deserves. the finale that could have been ♥️

“A rewrite of Supernatural’s final two episodes, expanded into a five episode arc - in which Chuck needs to be defeated, Castiel deserves to be saved, and the characters in this story get a very different ending.“

Ascend by @wanderingcas​ 

THEE finale fix it fic!!! written by the AMAZINGLY skilled and talented @wanderingcas !!! it’s 50k of angst and hurt/comfort and pure bliss

“Something in the world is wrong.

Demon activity is rising where mysterious black substance oozes and unusual ecological events are shaking the world. Dean, grief hanging on his shoulders, restlessly searches for answers that might lead him to the Empty… and to Cas.

But what Chuck wrote can’t be undone. The narrative thread pulls Dean along, forcing him to comply. Because once a story already has an ending, it can’t be rewritten.

Or can it?”

Things Happen (They Do, And They Do, And They Do) by THEE @sobsicles

i KNOW everyone has already recommended this and likely you’ve all already read it. but it has to go here bc REPRESSIOOOOOOOOON i LOVE this so much it is one of the most perfect things i’ve read. are you bisexual? did you have a kind of weird relationship with your best friend and not realize that how you felt about them wasn’t necessarily how other people felt about them and you were maybe a little bit in love with them but were too repressed to realize it? you’ll feel seen. maybe a little too seen

Closer (isn't close enough)

are you a sweet and sappy yet horny bastard? do you like cas exploding light bulbs? you will like this.

“the one where they finally talk about what cas said before the empty took him”

You and Your Husband

it is exTRMELY sweet!!! repression dean strikes again <3

"Five times Dean corrects someone about his relationship with Cas, and one time he realizes he doesn't need to."

Tall Grass

miscommunication and a slowburn! despite being written in 2017 and finished in 2018, it feels like a fix it. ft. plant obsessed cas <3 

Invictus

a LOVELY and short (relatively) finale fix it

“They saved the world. They're free. It's done.

Except it's not, and carrying on is the last thing any of them are thinking about.

They still have someone they need to save.”

Unchained Link

post finale- it’s a great case fic and i am compelled i want more!!!

"It's after the end of things. Life continues on while Dean is "livin it up" in heaven. But it's never that simple, is it? A freak occurrence sends Dean into another time stranded back on Earth. And he thought his hunting days were over. But, no worries. His knight in shining armor comes to the rescue. Hijinks, therefore, ensue."

fun and time unspecified

Ladies and Gentlemen, This is Love Potion No. 5

very funny and sweet! miscommunication at its finest ♥️

"Cas gets drenched with a mystery potion from the ‘love spell’ shelf and... Dean has a sneaking suspicion, angel or no— the spell may have taken effect. And Cas might be in love with Sam."

The Way We Were

Y'all. It is so good its a great mix of funny and serious- extremely fun to see dean as like a base bisexual

"Dean and Castiel pose as a couple to gain access to a gated community known as 'The Glen', a pleasant if secretive location that the boys believe might be linked to several dead bodies showing up over the years bearing signs of ritualistic sacrifice. All seems well until Dean's memory is affected from an incident during a solo exploration, leaving Dean convinced that their cover story is true. Castiel is left trying to resolve their case without taking advantage of an increasingly enthusiastic Dean"

While You Were Sleeping

this is basically just the movie but replacing sandra bullock with cas. this is my comfort movie and imo, one of the most perfect rom coms. the fic isn’t finished but i still have the tab open on my phone and i will straight up go back and re read it when i need a pick me up. 

aus/rewrites

The Harvelle Gospels: Offscript

i know everyone ever ( @jewishcharliebradbury ) has recommended this fic. and for good reason go fucking read it

“The Apocalypse is averted, the angels are in Heaven, and Jo is free from the threat of possession. Somehow it couldn't be farther from a happy ending.“

absolute riots

An Ineffably Profound Bond

i honestly would have put this in the finale fix it section! look. i know. i know you've been burned by crossover fics before. but this is Thee good omens/spn fic you want. its funny as hell and immensely satisfying. im weak for everyone working together tropes and that is this

"After Chuck sets 'The End' in motion, the remaining members of TFW make a miraculous escape. Not willing to waste any time, Castiel comes up with a plan to travel to one of the other worlds to try and get help from the angels there, but after a fight with Dean, it's the hunter who gets sent into an alternate universe,with seemingly no hope of return.

When a mysterious human with a heavenly weapon shows up in Aziraphale's shop, he and Crowley learn that their world is not the only one. Now it is up to them to decide whether or not they want to join forces with the human and help him save his world or simply find a way to send him home."

Somebody Up There Likes Me by @lafilleredige

cas is hit with a spell that turns his vessel into a woman, hijinks and sexuality crises ensue etc etc sam is a supportive and bitchy little brother and its all SO fucking funny and also. horny as hell i love it i love it i LOVE it

“’Dean doesn’t want to talk about your breasts, it’s making him uncomfortable because he hasn’t acknowledged the complex fluidity of human sexuality.’“

Stray Cat Strut

a long crack fic that IS one of the funniest things i’ve ever read and i can’t explain why. it’s so ooc but its so funny that i don’t care. if you need a laugh you gotta read this

"Sam and Cas are immediately in love with the adorable kitty they find outside the bunker door, and occupy their time planning how to convince Dean--who they believe is off sulking after a botched hunt--to let them keep their cat. Along the way, Dean learns to use a litter box and hears some confessions he maybe wasn’t supposed to hear, all while realizing just how much he loves Castiel.

Now all Dean has to do is convince Cas and Sam their new pet cat is actually him before they do something crazy--like neuter him!"

canon compliant or slight canon divergence

Give

by @doublestuffedimpala post season 7 episode 7, kind of ambiguous ending but truly a cas is happy to bleed for the winchesters fic

Punch Like Bones 

short, post 5x04 homoerotic moment that i wish we’d gotten

[you-cant-spell-subtext-without]

now that I've accepted that I am forever unclean and that Analyzing the CW’s Hit TV Show Supernatural Specifically Dean Winchester is the regular hell loop that is my brain -

I Have Some Words to Say About Miracle (the dog):

Yes, this motherfucker.

(this episode contains SPOILERS from Season 15 of Supernatural including 15x09, 15x18, 15x19; TRIGGER WARNING - abuse, trauma, self harm, and spn 15x20 analysis).

I know we as a collective were confused (and angered) when instead of getting his One True Love at the end of the series, Dean Winchester got....a dog.  No offense Miracle, because you are cute and fluffy and I’d keep you forever

YES FOREVER YOU ARE SO FLUFFY COME HOME TO ME NOW

but

Dean Winchester does not like dogs.

Some have theorized it’s because he was killed by hellhounds at the end of Season 3, which is enough to give you a little canine PTSD:

Even explaining the following behavior in Yellow Fever:

He was also killed by this dog at one point in Mystery Spot:

It’s canon he has a strong aversion to dogs in the Impala:

(I would like to know more about Don)

There’s also probably lingering/repressed anger around that whole Sam never looked for him while he was in Purgatory situation:

There is, however, ONE prior episode in which Dean doesn’t hate dogs.

In Dog Dean Afternoon, when, as a side effect of a spell, he takes on the characteristics OF a dog.

(don’t let anyone tell you Jensen Ackles doesn’t have range, by the way).

SO MY THEORY ON “WHY MIRACLE” BASED ON THE AFOREMENTIONED IS:

As essentially everything, it all goes back to John Dumpster Fire Winchester, Father of the Year.

If you’re a John Winchester apologist, you should just stop reading now.  Also just don’t.  There is NO REASON TO DEFEND THIS MAN.

We know John was abusive.  Just one example of what  he put Dean through when he was NINE that he STILL remembers.

Also, this:

I could go on, but you get the picture. Why people were so thrilled when he came back for Lebanon keeps me up at night (nothing against the wildly talented Jeffrey Dean Morgan; he is fantastic, but John Winchester is trash). 

Dean’s childhood abuse is part of the reason he is convinced he is unworthy of anyone and anything.  It’s the first thing Cas notices about him.

Sam knows it too.

Even Crowley:

Abuse is generational.  Dean has shown he has potential to continue the cycle.

With Sam:

(not mentioned, lying, controlling Sam’s choices, the angel possession thing)

With Ben when he lives with Lisa:

He snaps at him about taking a gun from the Impala’s trunk at the beginning of Season 6, and then in Live Free or Twihard he physically pushes him against a wall (granted he’s a vampire at the time, but still - not an excuse).

With Jack:

At the outset of their relationship, Dean treats Jack the way John treated Sam.  He initially blames him for Cas’s death just like John blamed Sam for Mary’s (remember when John not only forced Dean to fucking single-parent Sam but later told Dean he may have to kill him seriously I could strangle this man).

Dean is terrified of turning into his father and perpetuating the cycle.  Remember the lyrical genius of Single Man Tear in Fan Fiction?

“But underneath this broken mask It is my father, with all his wrath”

That’s why he pushes away the people who love him the most.  He deeply believes he will inevitably hurt them.

He doesn’t even allow himself to begin a relationship with Jack at first.  The Jack/Dean arc is wildly important in all of this not only for representing Dean’s fear in perpetuating the cycle, but also because Jack/Dean is a narrative mirror for Dean/John.

Remember what Jack was doing before this? (TW: self harm)

Think about that in terms of Jack representing Dean.  Sit with it for a second.   Oof.

I posit to you this is also why Dean becomes so aggressive in using Jack to stop Chuck in Season 15.   Remember Dean consistently refers to the hamster wheel (a literal CYCLE) throughout this season.  This ties directly into Dean’s fear that he can’t control his life; that he is destined to become just like John - abusive and cruel. Team Free Will for Dean has always represented the glimmer of hope that this will not be his ending.

15x05:

The gun is gone, but it turns out Jack can be the weapon that ends God.  Think back to someone else who was fighting a Big Bad in Supernatural, and was so obsessed with finding the weapon to end him that he sacrificed everything, including his family for it.  Dean is acting exactly like John Winchester.  He’s perpetuating the cycle.  And that’s also part of the reason he shoves Cas away - because he believes this is inevitable, this is who he was always going to become.  

That’s why the purgatory prayer is BRILLIANT and important:

Dean is finally talking about his anger; his fear of the cycle. How his first response to stress and conflict is anger, just like John’s. He is acknowledging and accepting that this is in him, and sharing it with Cas.

WOOF ok so back to dogs.  You forgot this post is about dogs right?  So, we all know dogs give us unconditional love.  The best and truest kind.

Abusers also tend to abuse animals.  Dean’s aversion to dogs is a manifestation of the cycle of abuse. He believes if he gets a dog, he will inevitably abuse and torment it, because he believes that is who he is.  So he just acts like he doesn’t like them.

Until this happens:

And the very next episode, we meet Miracle.

Tell me this isn’t a man who has ALWAYS LOVED DOGS.

And BTW he has no issues having Miracle ride in the Impala.  Because that wasn’t ever the real problem to begin with.

Cas’s words of love helped Dean break the cycle.  

Reinforced in the finale (derogatory): 

When Chuck says -

Dean responds with that’s not who I am.  

And that’s the reason for Miracle.  Dean’s Team Free Will ending is breaking the toxic loop, and accepting love without fear that he will destroy it.  It’s acknowledging that while the history of abuse exists, it does not have to control or define him.  He chooses a different path.  He chooses to be defined by love.  

But he was still robbed of actually living his life with the people who got him here.  I will never stop screaming that he deserved better.  If you are fighting against this cycle, please know that you too deserve better.  

Oh and John Winchester 10000000000 percent belongs in hell. 

Which is why the Sexy Silence continues.

BONUS FOR SEROTONIN:

[angelfishofthelord]

i am covered in skin

based on this cursed idea and thanks to @kellykline for asking and for the suggestions by @jackklinemybeloved.

set post-canon, post-s15 (one-shot, 5k)

Cas comes back from the Empty, and he’s fine, in a papier-mâché  version of the word. He’s fine in that he’s there with them, alive, voice speaking their names, body wrapped in their arms, smiles being passed around like party entrées.

He’s fine. But he’s also not. There are a million little creases in him, none of them are large enough to pinpoint, to point a finger at, to diagnose. So Sam and Dean don’t say anything. Not even to each other. They exchange glances from time to time, wondering if the other has also noticed the way Cas holds himself differently; the way he lingers at the dinner table after the dishes are cleared; his hesitation before crossing any door’s thresh hold.

His silence.

Cas was never an effusive conversationalist, Dean reasons to himself, but his quietness was never as deliberate as it is now.

Whenever Sam or Dean or Jack talk to him he’ll answer, but outside of that Cas doesn’t initiate any conversations, the way he used to with Sam about some translation particularity, or with Jack about his latest tv shows, or with Dean about how he needs to start eating healthier.

"Are you sure he’s okay,” Sam finally asks his brother one night while putting the dishes away.

“Yeah, he just needs time to adjust.” Dean throws the wet towel aside and dries his hands on his pants. “I mean, he’s basically back from a personalized angel-version of Hell. We needed a lot of time when we came from Hell, too.”

“True, but--” Sam reaches over to snag the errant towel “--it helped when we actually talked about what happened. When we didn’t, it just made things worse.”

“We did try--we both tried-- to talk to him when he first came back..”

“Maybe he wasn’t ready to talk about it then,” Sam persists. “Maybe he is now.“

“You’re welcome to try, Sammy, but I don’t think he’ll just open up to you like that. Not unless someone makes him.”

+

Later, when a witch forces Cas to reveal the truth, Sam has to admit Dean was right.

It’s nothing as outright as a spell or truth potion or possessing spirit. It starts off innocuous enough, or as innocuous as getting burned by the last blast of the witch’s exploding powers is. Cas jumped in front of Jack to take the brunt of the force, and the force of the blast left him unconscious and in the Bunker’s infirmary being tended to by all three of them. Jack worked to heal the blistering the burns on his face while Dean cut off the charred remains of his pants legs.

It’s when Sam is rolling up the coat sleeve to check for more burns that he sees it. “Dean?” he frowns, tracing his thumb over the white-ish blue lines under Cas' skin. "What is this, is it writing?" 

Dean leans over to look. "It looks like numbers? That's a three for sure, and that--" he points to the last marking "is a four."

Jack crowds his head in catch a glimpse, too. “Let me--” he presses two fingers to the spot and the ghostly tendrils only brighten. Four numbers appear sharply against Cas' pallid skin. "It feels like his grace, but it's not a wound, it's like..." he wrinkles his nose. "A scar."

“She damaged his grace? I’ve never heard of witches being able to do that.” Sam is already on his feet, phone in hand. “I’m going to call Rowena and check some books. Make sure to tell me if anything happens when he wakes up.”

Dean stares at the digits seared onto his friend’s skin and feels sick with fury

+

When Cas wakes up, however, he dismisses all their concerns and waves away the half-prepared spell that Sam is working on.  “It’s not from the witch,” he sighs. In one fluid motion he rolls down his sleeve and swings his legs over the side of the bed like he’s ready to bolt.

“We don’t know that,” Sam reminds him. “This spell should reveal the intention of any cursed marking so we know what we’re dealing with.”

“Just sit still, Cas,” Dean holds out a hand. “We’re going to figure out what she did and get rid of it, okay?”

Cas sighs again, louder, irritably. “It’s not from her. It’s from the Empty.”

Sam pauses mid-snapping sticks of dried rhubarb. The roll of gauze falls out of Dean’s hand with a soft thunk.

“The Empty?” Sam repeats, incredulous.

“And you’ve had that all this time?” Dean makes a weak attempt to keep the anger out of his voice. “And you didn’t say anything?”

Jack reaches out again, gold sparks hanging off his fingertips like tinsel. “Maybe I can read it to see if there’s any--”

Cas recoils faster than they can blink and moves rapidly towards the door like he’s been chased by hounds. “I said it’s harmless. Don’t worry about it.”

+

All Sam and Dean and Jack do for the next week is worry about it.

They wisely don’t say anything else to Cas about it, but they keep researching and asking every supernatural ally in their contacts list for hints as to what it might be. “Why would the Empty--he didn’t have that the first time he came back from there,” Dean says one night while he and Sam are searching through a stack of books. They’ve set up base in his room, instead of the library where Cas might figure out what they’re doing. “Do you think it tagged him or something? So it can pull him back?”

keep reading

[casmick-consequences]

Cas&Dean VS Claire&Jack

So I wrote [a small little theory] a while ago as to why I think Claire and Jack wouldn’t have been shown on screen together/have any connection throughout the show on-screen/off-screen at all. And so here I will some points as to why I think that is. 

AKA here’s the long awaited essay/conspiracy theory y’all have been asking for.

First of all; let me start off by saying this is 100% meant as a joke (no it’s not) and it’s not to be taken seriously (yes it is) as it’s literally just a dumb theory (it definitely isn’t). And second; fuck the C*W for contributing to every little bit of tinhatting this fandom (especially us hellers) has succumbed to.

-

Now; for this theory we have to understand a few things:

How Dean and Cas work as individuals

How Claire and Jack work as individuals

How Dean and Cas work as a duo

Let’s start with the first two things.

How Dean and Cas work as individuals

Dean Winchester is a masculine, tough but loving hunter. He cultivates a “bad-boy personality”, and makes sarcastic jokes at even the most morbid times. Underneath, though, he's become hardened by life as a warrior (as Daddy’s blunt instrument, if you will). He’s been taught to fight his father’s battles, and protect the ones he loves and cares for. But soon began to see that neither of his parents (especially his dad) did the job they were given when they had children. He didn’t just have to be a brother; he had to be a father and mother. He’s had to grow walls around him to stay strong for his little brother, but over time, after making a family for himself, it became easier to tear those walls down. However, he has his weak spots and is an emotional and loving human being through and through.

Castiel, the Angel of Thursday, is an angel of the Lord. He’s lived for aeons, and as an angel has (just like Dean) been taught to fight the battles of his creator and father. He’s a warrior, and he’s been given the job to follow the orders of said creator. Only for those orders to be thrown out the window once he meets Dean Winchester. The man who showed him that hate and anger isn’t always the true answer and that you can choose to be good. Everything that he has been taught slowly breaks away as his hard exterior crumbles, and he develops into a being with emotions, as he slowly but eventually learns to love and care for this man, and with that; humanity.

How Claire and Jack work as individuals

Claire Novak, a woman who has lead a tragic life, where she lost both her parents early on. Her father said yes to be the (permanent) vessel of an Angel, and her mother just disappeared after dropping her off to her Grandmother. After the grandmother had passed away, she was left alone. She had to fight through the world on her own, as she put a wall around herself to make herself stronger for the people around her. It took a while before she found her place in a loving family filled with strong women, who didn’t just help bring her walls down, but build a home instead.

Jack Kline is an innocent, naive but loving Nephilim. The son of the human Kelly Kline and the archangel Lucifer. He was destined for evil, as a Nephilim is one of the most powerful creatures in existence. But, with the help of his three Godfathers (heh), he learns that he doesn’t have to be evil. He can be whatever he wants to be. Controlling his powers has been hard, but no matter what happened, his mindset never changed as he grew to love the people and love the things around him. His biological father saw his power, but his chosen father saw his kind soul. Castiel believed he could create paradise, and he did, as he became the God that the universe deserved.

There are alot of parallels between Dean/Claire and Jack/Cas that can be compared to here. Let me show you a few:

So we’ve established that with Claire being Dean-coded, and Jack being Cas-coded, there could’ve definitely been potential for a cute Claire/Jack dynamic in the show. Why wouldn’t they have done that, you think? Perhaps this question can be answered when we look at thing number 3:

How Dean and Cas work as a duo

Destiel is the relationship between the hunter Dean and the angel Castiel. Castiel was ordered by God to free him from Hell, and afterwards he was supposed to do as he was told while Dean was supposed to figure out how to “stop the apocalypse” which happened to be a bunch of garbo afterwards knowing what we know now. Nonetheless, Castiel didn’t listen, as he quickly grew fond of the hunter and, because of him, developed a sense of emotion and free will. This lead to Castiel helping Dean throughout the Apocalypse, and beyond, and they’ve been best friends ever since.

There have been MULTIPLE essays on Tumblr about how this relationship works, and it would be silly of me to try and summarize stuff that hasn’t been said a million times already. But basically; What they have is quite a bit more than best friendship. It has been confirmed in 15x18, Despair, that Castiel has been in love with Dean for quite some time, as Dean’s own feelings are kind of all over the place. Nothing has been confirmed, yet nothing has been denied. But, seeing as all the insane things Dean has done for/because of/regarding Castiel... for instance:

defended his behavior to his brother and father when neither trusted him in season 6

kept his trenchcoat when he “died” in season 7, and keeping it with him in the trunk of his car(s) for the entirety of Castiel’s absence.

absolutely despises angels, and hates praying, yet he only ever prays to Castiel when he needs anything because he’s the only one he trusts

couldn’t get his mind of of him when he was possessed by Lucifer, and later taken by Amara in season 11

Has Castiel being referred to as his Colette by Cain (subtext but not really subtext because it was so incredibly obvious)

was supposed to be completely enamored by Amara and was supposed to be so hypnotizingly attracted to her that he couldn’t focus on anything else, yet he called out for Castiel’s name when it came down to it (aka the equivalent of calling out someone else’s name during sex) 

keeps looking at him like that

acted like a grieving widow when Castiel died in season 13

gets down on his knees to pray to, cry for and apologize to Castiel in Purgatory when there’s millions of creatures hunting his ass

...it’s easy to say that this is more than just a “brotherly friendship” between the two. There is dialogue that would NOT have worked between Sam/Cas because it would’ve felt weird. I wonder why.

So now to get back on topic; why is it that we’ve never seen Claire and Jack on screen together?

Is it because the writers didn’t have time to put them together in any given scenario whatsoever? Is it because the writers didn’t care enough for Claire to give her some more airtime with the boys? 

Or is it perhaps that if there was a possibility that they’d be on screen together, that they’d have a very similar (if not the same) connection to one another as Dean and Cas, only written as an actual little brother/big sister friendship dynamic?

-

So yes, TL;DR: the actual reason that Claire and Jack never met is because they would’ve had the exact same dynamic as Dean and Cas, but in this case platonic. Which would’ve meant that the audience would’ve seen a clear difference between the Dean/Cas dynamic and Claire/Jack dynamic, and it would’ve shown that the way they’ve been writing and directing the Dean/Cas scenes is romantic.

thank you very much, and I bid thee a very good night. <3

[bijoharvelle]

a coda of sorts for 15.18 Despair. MAJOR HUGE SPOILERS for the episode so please proceed with caution if you haven’t watched yet (has anyone not watched yet??) angst with a hopeful ending.

Here’s what doesn’t happen: Cas smiles and laughs through his tears and says, “You changed me, Dean.”

There’s a beat of uncertainty but through it, Dean steps forward. He walks towards Cas. This is an angel of the Lord who followed him from Hell, who came when he called and betrayed his trust and earned it back. An angel who gave up an army, a Host, his Grace, the favor of his brothers and sisters, all for Dean. So Dean steps forward and hesitantly puts a hand to Cas’s waist. “Why does this sound like a goodbye?” he asks.

“Because it is.” Cas voice shakes and shatters and he leans into Dean’s touch. He presses one hand, palm bloody, to Dean’s shoulder and cups it there. “I love you,” he says, and it’s sure and strong. They’re called love confessions but this feels more like an absolution, like a benediction. 

Dean can feel the press of Cas’s hand as he tries to push him away, out of the way, because there’s a teeming wall of void that’s opened behind them but Dean holds his ground.

They meet in the middle, Dean holding Cas at his waist and the collar of his trench coat and kissing him like he needs it to breath. He can feel the shudder-shock of Cas’s breath in the kiss, shaky inhale to clipped exhale. There are tears on Cas’s cheeks pressing into his own and Dean, stupidly, thinks, I’ve never seen him cry. He’s seen Cas’s blue eyes go glassy and red, but he doesn’t think he’s ever seen them spill over.

One of his hands moves to cradle the back of Cas’s head, fingers in that fucking hair of his and when Cas breaks the kiss, Dean holds him there, keeps him close. Their noses bump, foreheads brush, and Dean doesn’t know if he’s crying or if it’s just Cas’s tears on his face. “Don’t do this, Cas,” he says and it’s begging. I’m not one for praying because in my books it’s the same as begging. “Please. Castiel.”

Before he knows what’s happening, cold air rushes to fill the space that was once Cas. Dean sees just the edges of the Empty’s tendrils, black and shimmering and all-consuming. He turns on the balls of his feet just in time to watch the rift against the wall close up.  

Here’s what doesn’t happen: Cas tells him that it is a goodbye and Dean shakes his head, hard. “No,” he counters, “No. This isn’t happening.” And he puts himself in Cas’s space, curves his hand around the back of his neck. He holds him there and meets his eyes, like he had with Jack, just a few months ago. “You’re family, Cas. We don’t give up on family, even if looks like there’s nothing left.”

“Dean--”

But Dean rushes to cut him off. “I love you,” he says and he can feel his cheeks getting hot, his throat thickening. “Okay? Cas. I love you. And I need you here. Cas, please.” 

Cas smiles, beatific, and Dean can’t help but think that he’s beautiful, incandescent. An angel of the Lord, here with him. “I love you too, Dean,” he says and he’s smiling, the tone in his voice is almost laughter. “Please remember that. I’ve loved you, all this time.” He presses his hand to Dean’s shoulder and Dean remembers, for a brief moment, Hell. He remembers Cas reaching down and pulling him out.

When the Empty reaches out, when it takes Cas, Dean isn’t ready. He screams and dives for the eddying mass of nothing but you can’t put your hands on something that isn’t. The wall closes back to its industrial brick and Dean is alone, pounding until his knuckles split.

Here’s what happens: Sam is feral with worry as they make the near eight-hour drive back to the bunker. Jack has his phone, calling everyone Sam can think of between trying Dean and Cas over and over again. Dean’s phone keeps ringing out to his voicemail. The calls to Cas drop as soon as they get placed. 

The car is still running, thrown into park at an angle up against the bunker’s entrance and once they’re inside, both Jack and Sam are screaming for Dean and Cas. Sam is sure that he’s going to find Dean’s phone on the floor, shattered, with all those messages and calls collecting, just like Eileen’s. He doesn’t know what to expect of Cas.

He and Jack end up skittering into the basement together, trailing a ragged, scorched scratch-mark on the wall. And then, they find him.

“Dean!” Sam shouts and slides to his knees. He takes his brother’s face in his hands and makes him meet his eyes. Dean’s chest is working, eyes wet and red and Sam’s heart sputters. “What the hell happened, man?” He handles Dean gently because he thinks he has an idea. Thumbs come up, to brush away the tears, like Dean always did for him when they were kids, when they weren’t kids.

“Cas is gone,” Dean gasps out. “He’s gone, he’s really gone.” And he pitches forward, shaking. His fingers bite into Sam’s shoulders so hard he’s sure there will be bruises and all Sam can do is cradle his brother to his chest.

Jack drops to the floor, burying his face into Dean’s shoulder and letting out his own grief. Through it all, Sam sits and holds his brother, puts his hand to the back of their kid’s head and tries to keep them all together.

It takes awhile. He has to coax Dean to his feet and then up into the kitchen - his brother looks like a man possessed, like a ghost, like a ghoul, like something already dead. Jack follows him like a lost duckling, trailing behind Sam as he settles Dean at the table and then makes coffee because it’s something he knows how to do.

“Dean,” he says softly, once they’re all sitting together with steaming mugs. “You gotta tell us what happened.” And he knows, he understands. He remembers just yesterday - God, was it only yesterday - how it felt to know that if you say it, if you acknowledge it, your whole world will fall apart and you’ll be useless. I can’t go there. But they need to know, so they can make a plan.

It comes out in halting spirals, in between whining breaths and deep shudders. More than once, Dean trails toward guilt, toward shame, toward I should have done something, why didn’t I do anything. Sam redirects him as firmly as he can manage.

He’s known about Cas’s feelings for years - in fact, he’s pretty sure Cas had only just discovered it himself when he came to Sam. They didn’t talk about it often but when they did, Cas was gingerly ecstatic at just being near Dean, just sharing space with him. He would have been content to follow Dean through the rest of his life without having said a word.

When Dean finishes, tells them that the Empty took Cas and Billie disappeared, he folds his arms on the table and buries his head. Jack, sitting next to him, puts a hand to his arm and fits his face into Dean’s shoulder. Sam watches as, slowly, Dean shifts one hand to cover Jack’s.

Sam lets them have a moment, let’s them mourn and revel in the mourning, but then he dips his head and says, “Dean, this is good.”

His brother picks his head up so fast he almost brains Jack.

“It’s the Empty,” Sam rushes to explain. “We know how it works. We know what it wants. We know exactly where Cas is and how to get there.”

Dean blinks through new tears tessellating his lashes. “You... You mean get him back?” His voice is shot to hell and it breaks when he says him, like he was going to say Cas’s name. But for the first time since they split up last night, Sam thinks he sees something like hope blossom over Dean.

“I mean get him back.”

Dean didn’t tell Sam, word for word, what Cas said but Sam has always known that his brother operates from love. He was the kid, after all, who Dean raised. Dean wiped his tears and kissed his skinned knees and proofread his essays and taught him about cars and girls and drinking and their father. Sam is alive and the person he is today because of Dean’s love.

So it’s tragic and terrible and it hurts. He hurts for his brother and Jack, he hurts for Cas and Eileen and Donna and everyone else, but he’s also, suddenly, alive with the gift that Chuck and the Empty have given them.

Sam watches as Dean realizes it in degrees. He straightens his shoulders back and wipes a hand down his face. He looks to Jack and, so tenderly, reaches out to clear away his tears too. And then, Sam watches as his brother smiles. “Hell yes, we’re gonna get him back.” Dean watches Jack until the kid tries for a smile and then he turns to Sam and he sees there’s a smile already there.

The thing that Chuck doesn’t understand, that the Empty can’t understand, is everything the Winchesters have ever done, has been family. And it’s been for love. So taking these cosmic entities out with love as the power chord running under their mission...

Well, let’s just say they’ve got work to do. 

-

@prayedtoyou • @folklorecastiel • @good-things-do-happen-dean • @cas-you-assbutt-dean-needs-you • @nesnej •  @bianca29753 • @spaceshipkat • @madronasky • @dizzypinwheel • @kayrosebee • @feraladoration • @destielangst • @destiel-is--real • @brazencas • @destielle • @flowersforcas • @50shadesofsubtext • @multifandomagic • @fluffiestlou • @geo-val • @menjiiii • @top13zepptraxx • @lanaserra • @eccentriccas • @trasherasswood • @angelresort • @starlightcastiel • @dreamnovak • @jazzbabythatsme • @lyndalynn • @organicpurplepants • @cursed-or-not • @contemplativepancakes • @can-i-just-stay-in-the-corner  • @galaxymysteryelephant • @misha-moose-dean-burger-lover • @one-more-offbeat-anthem • @keata-kaylee • @redsconfusion • @bennedict • @mishha • @smushedmuffins • @galaxycastiel

[mittensmorgul]

So for the most part, I outright reject the finale. But I do think, in light of the whole "Jimmy was supposed to be in the bar, and Dean was disappointed by that because his perfect heaven would have Cas in it" just makes me all the more convinced that the final episode was some kind of djinn dream. Like.... There's no other explanation in my opinion. If Dean's perfect heaven was supposed to have Cas, and he tragically gets faked out by Jimmy (????? Why tf would jimmy be there anyway), it just proves that it's not ACTUALLY heaven. That, along with he El Sol beer he's drinking is all the evidence I need. I think after 15x19, Dean and Sam got whammied by some monster, and are stuck in a hallucination, and that's what we're seeing. (My headcanon is that it's actually The Empty doing it, because it knows if it doesn't keep Dean and Sam occupied and spinning in circles, they'll invade the Empty to save Cas. So its trying to prevent that) :)

Hello, anon friendo! I am gonna start by offering the socially distanced version of a high five, because yeah... There is just so much to unpack here, and you provided such a succinct and all-encompassing series of statements to start from. Thank you!

*flings open array of questionable suitcases*

First off, Congrats on having rejected the finale. I know a lot of folks are still struggling with that one, for many reasons. But you have hit upon so many of the points I’ve been trying to make about the finale since it aired. I’d just like to start with some of the assumptions I’ve heard from folks about the finale that make it impossible for me to consider it fully honestly canon. Because so much about it just makes no goshdang sense... like... not at all...

One of the biggest issues I have surrounding the reception of the finale in parts of fandom is that it portrayed a “happy ending.” The show itself spent the entire final season telling us that a gravestone marked Winchester was not and never would be a happy ending (thank you Becky Rosen-- words I never thought I’d say, but honestly and most sincerely meant). Let’s break this down a bit.

Starting from the assumption that “heaven was fixed” so that characters could have true free will there, making it satisfying in any way that Dean died so young and never got to truly experience happiness during life, I would like anyone who has adopted this attitude to then explain Kansas the band. I mean... explain that in any satisfactory canon-compliant way. (hint: you can’t. it makes zero sense in canon, if heaven is truly reformed and “happy” with everyone in possession of free will.)

Which brings me to Misha’s comments about Jimmy being in the Roadhouse. Why, if heaven were truly fixed, would Jimmy ever in a bazillion years attend a party for Dean Winchester? If Heaven were truly a “happy” ending for Dean, why introduce this element of eternal tragedy and heartbreak to his heaven experience? Why taunt him with the eternal loss of Cas-- even if you don’t think he reciprocated Cas’s romantic feelings, he was canonically the best friend Dean ever had, and being forced to exist forever in a place where he had everyone else he ever cared for except for Cas? Is frankly horrific.

How the actual fuck is that a happy ending, in any sense of the word?

How is this the sort of heaven that Dean would’ve made for himself before it was “fixed?” At least in the memorex heaven, he could’ve lived in oblivious peace with Cas, even if it was always just his own memories and not ~actually Cas~. I honestly think that would’ve been happier than the abject tragedy of what we did get, and what we would’ve gotten had the original script played out.

All of this kind of makes me wonder if they ever even actually defeated Chuck. Like... it feels more like Dean got pulled into the Empty at that moment with Cas and Billie, and everything else after that point was the Empty’s endless experience of sorrow and despair we knew it subject its charges to. So that’s one potential for what could’ve actually happened. I mean, everything about the finale was sorrow and despair, you know? Dean didn’t even get to enjoy his pie at a pie festival because Sam smashed in in his face. How is any of it happy, in any way?

Because if that was actually heaven, there wasn’t actually any free will (because why tf would Kansas the band have chosen to put on that concert? why tf would Jimmy have been there, just to torment Dean with the taunt of Cas returning to him only to have that hope snatched away again? It’s cruel. It’s, in fact, a source of intense despair).

The djinn theory could also work, and I’ve read some excellent fix-it fic using that as a premise. But that doesn’t really explain what happened to Jack (and Amara, since she was in there with them) after hoovering up Chuck’s power, you know? I think the simplest explanations in canon are that Chuck actually won via the unified power of Light and Dark being transferred into Jack and effectively using him as a vessel. With Sam and Dean convinced they’d won, they effectively stopped resisting Chuck’s story for them, and using Jack’s understanding of humanity and the Winchesters specifically, Chuck finally was able to implement a version of his story that the Winchesters would just waltz into without thinking it was supernaturally influenced at all. Going bigger and bigger with monsters and cosmic troubles hadn’t worked, but going so small Sam and Dean would barely even notice the influence-- even with the incongruous reappearance of a vampire that appeared in their lives once, for like two whole minutes 15 years ago, and an unsolved case from the journal from more than 30 years ago that John had never even linked to vampires at all.

At this point, I need to mention that I’m watching 10.23 as I type this up. An episode in which we confront the Mark, along with Death, and Dean’s despair, where he learns a version of the truth (but by no means the full truth, or even accurate truth in some respects) about Chuck’s Story, Amara/The Darkness, etc. That would unfold more fully over the next five seasons. And what was the case Dean took in this episode? Vampires. LOLOL omg this show is nothing if not horrifically consistent, yes?

So because of this, I went haring off through my own blog looking for a post I made a long time ago about the symbolism of how various monsters are used on this show (because again, consistency). I got sidetracked by other posts in my monsters tag, including this from after 15.09 aired, which feels particularly awfully relevant. This was my reaction to Chuck’s Story he showed Sam in that episode, about what the future would look like should he successfully trap Chuck with a Mark, and which... yeah is basically exactly thematically consistent with what we saw in the finale, right down to a cheesy twist on vampires. Read the whole post right here, but this is the part that reached up and punched me in the face:

this is how Dean personally reacts when he loses Cas. We know how he reacts when he loses anyone else– think about what he did when Charlie died. He went on a murder rampage against the Stynes for killing her. When Mary died he broke some furniture and went full bore toward both resurrecting her and stopping Jack. But without Cas, Dean loses the will to fight. Sam has… always been different. He referenced Jess in 15.04 to remind us of how he was after she died in the pilot episode. Just like John, he picked up the revenge mission and ran with it. But for Dean, Cas is different. Without Cas… Dean gives up.

Because... Dean gave up. Sure, he and Sam weren’t overrun by vampires in the end. Chuck knew they’d never stop fighting the monsters, one way or another. The only way to get Dean to give up is something Chuck hadn’t quite figured out yet... maybe not until after 15.17, after confronting Cas in the hallway of the bunker, after absorbing Amara’s power, knowledge, and perspective on Dean.

Chuck needed Dean to give up, and honestly? Pushing Billie to clear him off the table and send him (and Cas, that pesky angel who never did what he was told) to the Empty would’ve been a direct way to deal with that... pretty much akin to having one sibling locked in a cage forever, yes?

Also, still looking through my monsters tag, I’m reminded of 14.15, and still cannot differentiate the version of Heaven in 15.20 from what was done to the people of that town. This... is not... paradise. This is actively what Dean has been insisting is the OPPOSITE of paradise since like… 4.22… No ending where Dean was a “Stepford bitch in paradise” ever had the possibility of being “happy,” at the core of things, and this “fixed” version of Heaven just doesn’t hold up to any degree of inspection. Something is seriously wrong here. https://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/post/183465650390/so-can-we-talk-about-this-monster-of-the-week-for

And since I was unable to find the post I wrote who knows how long ago about Monsters and how they’re symbolically used on Supernatural to represent larger themes in the episode, I’ll just attempt to sum up what Vampires have been used for. Revenge. Vampires are always, in some way connected to themes of revenge.

(and hooray, I found at least a post adjacent to the one I’ve spent the last four hours trying to find... https://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/post/187207052080/i-obviously-did-not-think-this-through, where I mention that shapeshifters are about revealing hidden truths (mostly about Dean since most shapeshifters are connected to Dean), zombies are about grief and the inability to move past it.)

So why... why at the end of their road is the monster that comes after them-- literally FOR REVENGE for something that had never been blamed on Sam or Dean to begin with, from season 1, directly connected to John’s revenge mission and the first time they learned about the Colt AND the first time they learned in canon that Vampires were even real... like... this feels very specifically like some kind of layers-of-meta levels of shade on them, you know? Vampires are for revenge, so what vengeance exactly is being visited upon Sam and Dean in this episode? If not Chuck’s entire story for them itself?

So yeah, 100% agree, something is incredibly rotten in the finale. And I am sick to effing death of people trying to convince us that anything about this was “good” or “happy” or “satisfying” in any way. Or even “how it was always supposed to end” with Dean dead bloody, as if the entire back half of the series hadn’t been suggesting that a true win was the subversion of all of Chuck’s story for them, and Dean finally being able to have his chosen family all alive, happy, and chilling on a beach somewhere watching the sunset. Nothing will ever convince me that the ending portrayed in 15.20 wasn’t exactly how Chuck thought he “won,” rendering it entirely irrelevant to the rest of canon, unless all of canon was ultimately the tragedy we’d been encouraged to believe would be firmly defeated in the end.

Folks, you can’t have it both ways. 

[ghost-go-roasty-mctoasty]

What if hallucifer stayed with Sam throughout the whole show? What if cass didn't really fix the problem, but only took the pain away?

Sam walks out of that hospital knowing he's not alright. Knowing he's never gonna be alright. He gets into shotgun, dean smiling next to him warmly, Lucifer smiling at him from the back seat. Cold dead eyes.

Lucifer is there with him when dean and cass get blasted to who knows where. Crowley tells him he's all on his own, Lucifer laughs next to him.

He meets Amelia, but eventually she leaves him. He doesn't blame her, who would want to be with a guy who talks to air and barely sleeps? He starts drinking a lot after that.

Dean comes back, from purgatory apparently. He doesn't know about lucifer, Sam never told him, didn't want to make himself a bigger burden for his brother. So he lies, tells him he was with Amelia this whole time. Dean gets angry. Sam knew he would, but it's easier this way.

Lucifer is with him when they find the bunker, commenting on the ugly lamps. Sam snickers, dean looks at him weird, but doesn't say anything.

Lucifer is with him when he completes the first trial. He looks down to Sam who is covered in blood. He points to the dead hellhound. "I knew that one." He says. "Her name was Ashley."

Lucifer is with him when he goes to hell to rescue bobbys soul. "I did not miss this place." Lucifer whispers next to him. A shiver goes down Sam's spine.

Lucifer is with him when he's just about to finish the last trial. Lucifer always keeps quiet when Sam is completing trials, something about "purification." Sam doesn't really know, he mostly blocks him out.

He's there when dean comes and stops him. He's yelling at Dean, telling him to go, leave them. But dean cant hear him, he knows he cant hear him. Sam doesnt know why Lucifer even tries.

Lucifer is in the back seat of the impala when Sam wakes up. He doesn't remember getting into the impala. He remembers passing out in the mud in front of the church. His clothes are clean now though. Lucifer is quiet.

Lucifer has stopped talking to him, he just hovers now. It's driving Sam mad. He's not used to the strange silence, but he doesn't suspect anything weird until he starts losing fragments of his day.

He starts noting down time frames that he loses. He started when he was researching in the library at 2:45pm, blacked out, and came to in the kitchen at 3:14pm. Lucifer stays out of his way. Sam sometimes thinks he has a look of pity on his face, but that can't be right, can it?

Sam eventually asks dean about this. His brother just brushes him off. Lucifer continues to hover.

Crowley comes and saves him. Sam kicks the angel out. He opens his eyes to see Lucifer staring at his brother. "I guess sammy has a thing for kicking angles out."

Deans starting to get suspicious. Sam's zoning out more and more. Eyes glazing over as he just listens to Lucifer ramble on about nothing. About everything.

"You good Sammy?" Dean asks him one day while they're eating breakfast. Sam answers too fast. Dean only gets more suspicious.

Dean eventually finds out, Sam knew he would sooner or later. He finds dean with alcohol more often now. A look of guilt is permanently stuck on Sam's face.

"Its not your fault Sammy." Dean always tells him. Sam is finding it harder to believe him.

Sam zones out more often. The only thing that can bring him back is deans touch. Deans heavy hand on his shoulder bringing him back down to earth, grounding him. Deans always looking at him with this sad smile. Sam feels like he's failed him.

Lucifer is with him when he finds out dean got the mark of Cain. "Oh that's a nasty little thing." Lucifer comments next to him. Sam has taken to ignoring him, it eases deans mind.

Dean is getting worse and worse. And so is Sam. Dean is slowly losing care for Sam and he's not there for him anymore. He's not there to ground him, to pull him back.

Sam starts zoning out for longer periods of time. Dean doesn't seem to care, only rolls his eyes. Lucifer watches perched on a chair next to him. "Does big bro not love you anymore?" Sam flinches.

Lucifer is there when dean dies.

Lucifer is there when Sam finds the note. "Aww big brother left you." Lucifer laughs.

Sam is spiralling. Lucifer talks to him more and more as Sam searches for his brother. No-one is there to ground him anymore. No-one is there to help him. One day Sam accidently talks back to Lucifer. Lucifer looks shocked for half a second before that cold smirk comes back to his face.

"Its been years since you talked to me Sammy." Lucifer says one day as Sam is reading a book on demons. "I missed our little talks." Sam slams the book shut. "Shut up." He hisses.

Lucifer is right there as Sam ducks down to avoid the hammer. "I never knew why Alastair liked this one." Cass appears. Thank god. Sam falls back against the wall and helplessly covers his ears. He knows it won't block him out. "Sure he ripped apart a lot of souls in hell, but a hammer?" Sam hits his head against the wall. "Shut up shut up shut up." Lucifer laughs at him. Cass pays him no mind.

Lucifer is there when the darkness is unleashed. "Ooh aunty." He says next to Sam. Sam flinches, dean places a hand on his arm. All three stand there and watch.

"You know, I find it really uncomfortable that your brother has a thing for my aunt." Lucifer says one day. Sam looks him right in the eye. "Shut up, Lucifer." Sam hasn't looked directly at Lucifer for at least 3 years. Lucifer smiles coldly at him as dean walks up to Sam, worry and fear etched into his face. Palms out towards him like he's trying not to scare off a frightened animal. Sam doesn't feel too far off from that.

Lucifer is with Sam when he goes to see real Lucifer. Sam thinks he's going crazy.

"So, you're still seeing me huh?" Real Lucifer asks him. Sam sucks in a breath as Lucifer stands to the side of the cage. "Oh c'mon Sam. I've been inside that head of yours. There's nothing I don't know about you." Real Lucifer smiles down at him. Or is it fake Lucifer? Sam doesn't know anymore.

Lucifer is with him as he gets tourted by the British men of letters. Always sending words of encouragement, towards Toni.

Lucifer is sitting on the steps. "Ah remember our lovely time down under?" He asks, titling his head to get a better view of what the lady was doing. "Ooh blowtorch. You never did like fire huh?" Sam screams. He can bearly hear Lucifers laughter over his own screams of pain.

Dean comes and saves him. Hands all over him as soon as they're out. Lucifer rolls his eyes at them. "Mother hen." Sam tenses up.

Lucifer is there when their mother leaves them. "I guess everyone hates ya huh Sammy?" Lucifer smiles at him. Dean doesn't react, doesn't even look at him.

"Never did like the brits." Lucifer says one day. Sam smiles. Deans hands are on him straight away.

Lucifer is there when Jack is born. Lucifer is there when cass is killed. Sam thinks he's seeing double, two Lucifers talking to him at the same time.

One Lucifer stays with him, one goes with his mother. He's not sure which is which. So he asks. Lucifer laughs at him. Dean doesn't put a hand on him.

Dean always stands closer to him after that, he's always making sure that they're touching, that they're shoulders are brushing. Lucifer gets annoyed at dean. Tries to hurt him. Sam sleeps less and less, just in case, just in case one day Lucifer succeeds.

Lucifer sits right next to Sam one day, getting all up in his personal space. Dean isn't in the room. Sam silently sobs.

Lucifer is always hovering around Jack, making terrible remarks about the kid. Sam snaps one day. "Leave him alone!" Lucifer smiles at him, Jack looks up at him like a confused puppy, and dean is dragging him out of the room, his fingers digging into his shoulder blade.

Jack has started to avoid him after that. Dean tells him not to worry about it, but it breaks Sam's heart. Lucifer laughing at him for it all the time is not helping.

Lucifer is there when the vampires get him. Cheering to the side of the cave. And Lucifer is there when he wakes up. He didn't know that it was the real Lucifer.

Lucifer is with him when he makes it back to Dean, both of them. Sam only knows which one is real beacuse everyone is looking at that one. Sam feels like he's failed Dean, again.

Dean hugs Sam, but it doesn't feel real, it doesn't feel right. Lucifer pokes his blood caked neck, Sam jerks away from dean. Dean looks at him with heart broken eyes.

Deans hand is on him all the time now. Holding his arm, brushing their shoulders together. It makes Sam feel jumpy.

Sam makes sure Lucifer stays in this world. He doesn't know which one he trapped, but he hopes it was fake Lucifer. Real Lucifer is easier to deal with.

Lucifer is there when real Lucifer is killed. Sam smiles at him.

"So much for your win Sammy." Lucifer says one day while Sam is sitting in the darkness of his room. "Sure you killed me, but you lost your big brother." Sam wishes he could punch him.

Lucifer is there when Sam gets dean back.

Dean makes a comment on his beard. "Don't listen to him Sammy." Lucifer says as dean walks off. "I think you look good." Sam shaves his beard off after that.

Lucifer is there when Michael possesses dean again. He's laughing the whole time. Dean won't help him, can't help him. Dean is gone.

"Let him in the box Sam!" Lucifer suddenly snaps at him one day, making Sam jump. "Get rid of Michael!" Sam starts to cry. It's too much, not even deans touch is helping him anymore. It feels wrong, alien.

Nick attacks him, Lucifer is cheering him on. "Ah I wish he was my true vessel!" Lucifer exclaims as Sam's vision darkens.

Mary is dead, Jack is gone. "Bye bye mother Mary." Lucifer sings. Sam flinches, dean doesn't care.

"Oh so you can't put your brother in that box, but you sure as hell can put my son in?" Lucifer is yelling in his ear. Sam punches the air. Deans hands on him don't help.

Chuck comes back. Lucifer snarls at him, never stops yelling at him. It's hard for Sam to pay attention to anything, he can't hear anything over Lucifers yelling. Deans hand is on his shoulder the whole time, but he seems out of it.

Lucifer was quiet for a while after God killed Jack. Sam counts his blessings.

Lucifer is there when they rendered chuck powerless. He seems to have a grateful look on his face.

Lucifer isn't there when dean dies.

Lucifer isn't there when miracle dies.

Lucifer is there when Sam's on his death bed. He's standing in the corner of the room, arms crossed over his chest. He waves, and Sam's vision fades.

Sam's free.

Sam's finally free.

[thegeminisage]

birthday meta for the birthday boy <3

[this version of the meta is behind a cut. if you’d prefer the no-cut version, it’s here.]

a fun little fanon from Ye Olde Days of spn (when seasons 1-5 were airing) was that sam always had the absolute worst birthdays. a big part of this is because sam’s birthday is in may. supernatural tends to align itself with “real time,” meaning that they like to use either the date the episode was filmed or the date it aired as the in-universe date, even when two canon dates conflict each other. (they’re so intent on doing this that they pretended the gap years between s5 & s6 and s7 & s8 right out of existence - season openers also usually tend to pick up right after season finales in-universe but still somehow be set several months later.) that means sam’s birthday tends to line up with the airdates on either season finales or episodes right before the finales, which means that every time sam gets a year old, shit hits the fan. 

here’s a list of things that did happen or could have happened on some of sam's birthdays:

0-22: we don’t have much in the way as far as concrete dates go for preseries stuff, but it’s perfectly possible sam walked out all that bullshit the day he turned 18, even if i prefer to think he left at age 19 as that aligns rather tragically with some adam-related canon.

23: we don’t have any dates for the end of s1/opening of s2 either, but it’s likely that sam’s birthday took place between 1.20 (dead man’s blood) and 2.01 (in my time of dying). he could have been doing anything from hunting vampires to saving one of YED’s special children to almost shooting his possessed father to getting hit by a semi to using a ouija board to talk to his not-quite-dead brother.

24: here’s where the real fun starts >:) sam died in cold oak in 2.21 (all breaks loose pt 1) and in the episode he says he’s 23. but according to the lore (extra-canonical material), dean made the deal to bring him back on his 24th birthday...

25: ...which means that on his 25th birthday, he was forced to watch dean get dragged to hell...

25b: ...except that sam had TWO 25th birthdays, because mystery spot took place in february, and sam lived in an alternate timeline where dean stayed dead for 6 months, putting him well past may 2nd. which meant that the first time he turned 25, he was actually getting tortured by gabriel. while his brother was getting tortured (or torturing someone else) in hell.

26: 4.20 (the rapture) took place in very late april/very early may (the wiki says may 3, but that’s just a guess), and 4.21 (when the levee breaks) picks up immediately where it left off. so it’s not only plausible but EXTREMELY LIKELY that sam was locked up in the panic room suffering withdrawals when he turned 26, dude

26b: ...except that in 11.17 (safe house), bobby and rufus’s half of the episode presumably takes place at the same time during season 4, and he mentions sam and dean are in reno?? so you know they could have been doing that instead.

27: we have no hard and fast dates for the end of season 5, but it’s my personal headcanon that sam’s birthday took place during 5.22 (swan song), and he beat the devil and leapt into hell on the day he turned 27 - because at this point, why not. however, his birthday could also have taken place during either 5.20 (the devil you know) or 5.21 (two minutes to midnight), meaning he was reconfronting his old college pal who turned out to be a demon brady, or helping bobby and a human cas destroy the factory with the croatoan virus.

28: there’s a gap year between s5 and s6, so sam’s 28th birthday took place while he was soulless, hunting with the campbell family...

28b: ...except spn likes to say “a year passed” without adding one to the calendar, so sam ALSO had a 28th birthday during the airing of s6. there’s some conflicting information about s6′s timeline, so this could have happened anywhere from 6.18 (frontierland) to 6.21 (let it bleed). sam could have been doing anything from time traveling to fighting eve to grappling with cas going dark side to rescuing lisa and ben.

29: sam’s 29th birthday almost definitely took place during 7.20 (the girl with the dungeons and dragons tattoo), during which he met charlie. in case you’ve forgotten, that was actually a great day for him - in a moment of true little brother antics and justifiable homophobia, he got to laugh at dean gay flirting with the security guard.

30: there was another gap year between s7 and s8, which means that sam spent the big three-oh with amelia richardson while dean and cas were in purgatory. he got to have a picnic!

30b: ...but since spn ignores gap years, sam ALSO had a 30th birthday during s8 (a big season for him). there isn’t an exact date for the episodes leading up to the finale, which takes place in late may, after sam’s birthday, so his birthday could have taken place in either 8.21 (the great escapist), where he nearly died of his trial-induced fever and confessed to dean that he always felt unclean, or during 8.22 (clip show), where he met sarah blake again after nearly a decade, only to have her die right in front of him.

31: the s9 timeline is pretty vague, but the best guess for this one is 9.18 (meta fiction), in which sam finally gets to confront gadreel, the angel who possessed him and killed kevin with his hands

32: the s10 timeline is also short on dates, so sam’s birthday could have taken place anywhere between 10.16 (paint it black) and 10.21 (dark dynasty). a few possible things sam could have been doing: dealing with a hunt involving soulless people, helping cas and bobby break metatron out of heaven’s prison, catching up with charlie and giving rowena the book of the damned, battling the cursed werther house (don’t click that unless you’ve seen the episode, the twist is TOO good), reuniting claire with her mom, or building charlie’s pyre.

33: the last quarter or so of s11 happens really quickly sequentially, every episode picking up soon after the last one left off, which means that sam’s birthday either took place at the very end of the season or the beginning of s12. it’s most likely he turned 33 either the day dean saved the sun and sam himself got shot and kidnapped by toni bevell, or a few days later when he was being held captive and tortured in her basement.

34: unfortunately, sam’s 34th birthday almost definitely took place during 12.21 (there’s something about mary). i was really hoping it’d be 12.22 so he could be kicking the bmol’s asses, learning lucifer was back, and hugging mary, but no...instead he was mostly likely learning that ketch had had eileen killed. 

35: because of some weird canon, the timeline for season 13 is actually batshit insane and makes no sense whatsoever, which means sam’s birthday is really early this season - either during 13.17 (the thing) where he rescues his brother from a frisky tentacle monster or 13.18 (bring ‘em back alive) where he hangs out with gabriel and cas in the bunker. since that’s garbage, you’d be forgiven for ignoring canon and pretending sam’s birthday fell on one of the following episodes - 13.19 (funeralia) is very touching, as he and rowena clash and then make up with each other; 13.21 (beat the devil) has sam capturing lucifer, then dying and getting revived and captured by him; 13.22 has sam getting a little revenge by leaving lucifer for dead; 13.23, of course, has lucifer finally dying for good.

36: there’s no dates whatsoever on the back half of s14, so theoretically sam’s birthday could take place in any episode after 14.13 (lebanon). the likeliest and COOLEST candidate is for sam to turn 36 during 14.20, in which he shoots god himself point blank. other admittedly inferior  scenarios include his stint as justin the 50s househusband, mary’s death, or putting jack in the ma’lak box.

37: we saw this birthday happen onscreen during 15.14 (last holiday) at a party thrown by mrs. butters. unfortunately, not too long after that, she wound up torturing him by pulling out his fingernails.

38: that’s this year! because the timeline of s15 is also so weird and vague, partially fucked up by covid changing the shooting/airing times, and because sam’s birthday is SO early in s15, it’s possible that he has another one this season, right at the end, or maybe post-canon, which means............................................

...................................................that he’s spending it with dean and jack and the newly revived eileen and cas, in the bunker or somewhere else he feels safe and loved :)

happy birthday, sam winchester <3 after all the unhappy ones...u deserve it

[spn masterpost]

[sergeant-angels-trashcan]

Dean and Sam have to infiltrate the college in Scream Queens, go

oh jesus fuck how do you always do this to me??? this is INCREDIBLE there are 2 options of course: early seasons Sam and Dean and later seasons Sam and Dean 

Early Seasons Sam and Dean go undercover as students and rush the Dickie Dollar Scholars frat. Sam is like "I have done the College before, I know and understand the culture" and then promptly fails to be accepted by the Dickie Dollar Scholars. Dean, who was running a prison after being an inmate for a day, is wholeheartedly accepted by the Dickie Dollar Scholars despite actively hating golf. He and Boone are bone buddies. Dean and Chad collectively Do Not Understand Sexual or Gender Norms and they would absolutely have bro sex? It’s OKAY for them to have sex because neither of them are gay! It’s just two straight dudes going to pound town. Enjoying how absolutely ripped the other is. But it’s NOT GAY, Chanel. What, are you saying two dudes, two bros, two completely heterosexual guys can’t have sex with each other without is suddenly becoming a gay thing? That’s Not Cool, Chanel. What man doesn’t want to bone or get boned by his friend every once in a while? Are you saying men don’t want that, Chanel? Are you trying to say that my good buddy Dean Winchester isn’t a real man just because he likes to suck a dick every now and then? Well, then you must not think I’M a real man because guess what, Chanel? I like to suck a dick every now and then, too! That’s really small minded of you, Chanel. I don’t think I can date someone like that. 

Meanwhile literally everyone else is just. Staring. Grace is BEGGING you two to take a gender and sexuality studies class, oh my GOD. And Sadie!Chanel (i don’t remember their numbers!!!) is like, no, no, I totally get that. She pulls out her phone and starts googling stuff for Dean and Chad, Meanwhile Chanel is like, GOD, why is everyone so INTO sex, it’s like. Ugh. WhY! WHY AM I NOT JUST ALLOWED TO BE ARM CANDY! WHY MUST I CARE ABOUT YOUR FEELINGS AND ALSO SEX! Sadie!Chanel pokes her head up all “hey, wait, you don’t like sex? have you thought maybe you’re asexual?” “UH NO I’M NOT ASEXUAL I ABSOLUTELY HAVE A VAGINA” “that’s not what asexual means chanel”. and it’s a whole day of Let’s Learn Queer Vocabulary

Sam winds up friends with Zayday and Pete. He and Grace don’t trust one another at all. Chanel is constantly making remarks about how they are Too Tall. Chanel #3 becomes a hunter by the end of it.

I feel like there’s also a lil somthing something between Pete and Dean.

Dean Munch is constantly hitting on Sam.

Denise is constantly trying to teach the boys about self defense (which is hilarious) BUT she knows a lot of obscure lore and winds up doing some hunting of her own. She’s in the FBI later and runs into Sam and Dean on cases all the time and TOTALLY covers for them. She NEVER thinks they are right about what the monster is, but she’s always good at reading people. Also, with as much as Sam and Dean change their aliases, she does NOT ever remember their fake names. She’ll be like “look at these two big white boys, they have to do whatever I say because I’m their boss, ain’t that something? You! Tall one! Sasquatch, i don’t remember your name, go and get me a coffee. Bowlegs, what you laughing for? Don’t you have paperwork to do?” She makes them do paperwork, she thinks it’s only fair if they’re going to pretend to be FBI. Anyway, they love Denise. She’s the one who is like “Dean when are you going to admit you’re in love with that angel?” which prompts a Dean freakout and Sam conference calls Chanel #3 and Charlie to figure out how to talk Dean through his sexuality crisis

The OTHER option is Late Seasons where Sam and Dean go undercover as professors. Obviously it’s easier for Dean to be like, security or cooking with Sam stepping in for a philosophy/religion professor who got killed but I LOVE the idea of Professor Dean Winchester because you KNOW he would be that insane professor that everyone wants in on their classes and every single student is madly in love with him. He doesn’t really want his students to come to class so he tells insane batshit stories from his life experiences as they pertain to the topic of the day, but this OBVIOUSLY backfires and makes him the single most memed professor on campus. He also has a reputation for Big Mom Energy. He sends emails like “hey class, I got thrown into a minivan by a demon-possessed soccer mom so class is cancelled tomorrow. please make sure to do the discussion board questions and come to next class prepared to discuss the significance of cattle mutilations. xoxo Professor Winchester”. THE MAN DOES NOT KNOW HOW TO FORMAT PROFESSIONAL EMAILS, WHEN WOULD HE HAVE LEARNED THAT I ASK. He has snacks in his office ALL THE TIME and when he learns one of his students has a wheat allergy suddenly gluten free homemade snacks start appearing.

At some point Crowley stops by and everyone is like “??? is that Prof Winchester’s ex??” because OBVIOUSLY the guy who wears a trench coat and pops up at the most random times and stands super close to Dean is his HUSBAND (”who was that?” asks a student who sees Cas right before Dean’s office hours. “he’s an angel. he pulled me out of hell”. Prof Winchester is OBVIOUSLY a hopeless romantic!! who knew!!!)

meanwhile Sam is Losing His Shit. He keeps texting Eileen, Rowena, and Jody. Dean Munch will Not Stop Hitting On Him. 

I don’t know what the plot is, it’s mostly Shenanigans and soft bois in sweater vests. Claire might pose as a student. With Kevin and Jack. It’s just highkey chaos for them while Dean and Sam are being the most abnormally normal people they’ve ever been

[expectingtofly]

One Hell (Heaven?) of a Situation

2.6k

also posted on ao3

thanks to @callenofthenorth​ for beta-editing :)

15x20 Coda, Crack and Fluff, Jimmy and Kansas are in Heaven

I have no good explanation for this. I was in the middle of writing a "serious" coda... then the stuff about Jimmy and Kansas came out and this happened instead

Dean opened his eyes to a bright, blue sky.

“What the fuck?” he muttered, realizing he was lying on the ground outside. Sitting up, he looked around, trying to get his bearings, then everything came flooding back to him. The vamp mimes, that fucking piece of rebar, piercing pain—he looked down at himself and frowned. These were not the clothes he’d been wearing on that hunt. 

“Fuck,” he said aloud as it hit him. “I’m dead.”

Getting to his feet, he stared at the building he’d ended up beside. The Roadhouse? He thought his Heaven was setting off fireworks with Sammy. Then a familiar figure stepped out onto the porch and called, “Dean!”

“Bobby?” Dean asked as he approached the porch.

“What the hell are you doing here, boy?” Bobby asked, pulling him into a hug. “Thought you had several more years in you.”

“Yeah, well, bad luck.” He really was gonna have to come up with a better story for how he got here than death by glorified rusty nail.

Pulling away from Bobby, he looked at the lit windows of the Roadhouse. Was that "Dust in the Wind" playing from inside? “What memory is this?”

“It isn’t one.” Bobby clapped him on the shoulder. “Heaven’s completely different now. Jack changed everything. Everyone’s together, we can go wherever we want, do whatever we want.” He gestured to the Roadhouse door. “Turns out that means a lot of parties inside.”

“Shit, alright.” Dean smiled. “Way to go Jack.”

“Wasn’t just his idea, though. Castiel helped.”

Dean’s heart skipped a beat, or would’ve if it was still beating. He stared at Bobby, afraid he hadn’t heard him right. “Cas  helped?”

Bobby grinned. “A week ago, or something like that—time passes strange here—Jack showed up and introduced himself. Brought Cas with him.”

“Wait, wait, wait,” Dean interrupted. “A week ago? What the hell? Why didn’t Jack bring Cas down to Earth? Sammy and I, we were going crazy—” He cut himself off. He didn’t want to remember his last days on Earth. The way he and Sam had poured through books of lore, trying to find a spell, something, anything, to bring Cas back. The long, sleepless nights, the way his eyes burned as he scanned yellowed pages, the fear that they might never get Cas back, that he might never get to give Cas a reply… Even after defeating Chuck, returning to run-of-the-mill monster hunts, nothing had seemed normal. Nothing had seemed right.

“I don’t know,” Bobby said, frowning. “Cas said he had work to do here first. He’s inside—”

The words hadn’t left his mouth before Dean was wrenching open the door to the Roadhouse and rushing inside. Calls and greetings rose around him, but he couldn’t pay them any attention, too intent on scanning the room. 

There, in the corner, sitting at a table near a stage where a band played. The angel he never thought he’d see again. “Cas!” Dean called and rushed forward. 

A woman at the same table nudged Cas’ shoulder, and Cas turned from watching the band. His eyes met Dean’s, then widened, and a look of horror crossed over his face.

“Wait, wait!” he exclaimed, lifting his hands up in defense, and holy fuck—Dean skidded to a stop in front of the table, the words, I love you on his tongue. That was not Cas’ voice. And the man in front of him was not Cas.

He was Jimmy.

Dean stared at him, the joy and relief that had urged him forward giving way to shock and disappointment. If he’d paused for one second before running over, he would’ve realized in an instant that the man in front of him wasn’t Cas. There were several giveaways. For one, the polo shirt and khakis Jimmy was wearing. Two, his arm around the woman sitting in the chair next to him—his wife, Dean was assuming.

“What the fuck are you doing here?” Dean managed, realizing he’d been staring with his mouth open. He shut it and tried to not look as betrayed as he felt.

“I live down the road,” Jimmy said, looking affronted. “Well, not live, because I guess we’re all dead—”

“Where’s Cas?”

“He’s, um,” Jimmy rubbed the back of his neck and looked around the room. “He was here a moment ago, but I don’t know where he went.”

Dean blinked at him, then turned to scan the room. “Anyone seen Cas leave?” he called desperately. He got a mixture of noncommittal sounds and shrugs. Just his luck. The one time he was finally ready to tell Cas how he felt, and Cas was nowhere to be found.

Bobby reached his side. “I see you’ve met Jimmy. Again.”

“Yeah.” He stared at Jimmy, who shifted uncomfortably in his seat. “This is one hell of a situation.” Which was ironic, considering he was in Heaven right now.

“It’s not my fault!” Jimmy protested. “I wasn’t expecting Castiel to show up looking like me! Besides, I thought angels didn’t go to Heaven when they died.”

“Well, Cas is special,” Dean spluttered. “He gets to keep his vessel, I guess. And if anyone deserves to be in Heaven, it’s him.” 

Tearing his eyes from the imposter, he turned to Bobby. “What the hell is going on?” he muttered. “Why is Jimmy in my Heaven?” It wasn’t that he hated the guy; it was just incredibly difficult to look at him—Jimmy having the same face as Cas and all.

“Like I said,” Bobby explained patiently, “it’s not  your  heaven. It’s everyone’s. Case in point, your dad has a house not five minutes from here.”

“Fuck.” Sam was gonna  love  that. “Wait.” He scanned the room again, slower now. There was Ellen, Jo, Mrs. Tran—fuck, he was gonna have a lot of explaining to do about Kevin. “Where’s mom?”

Bobby grimaced. “Her and John split up, pretty hairy situation. She’s doing well now, though, much better off without him. Do you know a stuck-up British guy by the name of Ketch?”

“You’re joking. Not him and mom… Together?” Bobby nodded and Dean swore under his breath. “This place isn’t what I was expecting at all.”

“If I might add,” Jimmy spoke up and Dean looked at him. “Castiel has been creating quite the disturbance since he got here. Heaven was… peaceful before him. Not so much now.”

“What’s he talking about?” Dean asked Bobby.

“Well, turns out Cas isn’t such a fan of John—” 

“He nearly started a fight!” Jimmy interjected. “This is Heaven, for Heaven’s sake!”

Dean couldn’t help but grin, and Bobby returned the smile. “Come on,” he said, leading Dean away from Jimmy. “Cas will turn up soon enough. I’m sure Jack will too. There’s a lot of people here who are happy to see you.”

“Right, yeah,” Dean said, trying to hide the fact that, at the moment, the only person he wanted to see was Cas. He let Bobby lead him to the bar where Ellen smiled and waved at them. “Icarus-Borne on Wings of Steel” filled the air and he frowned. That sounded pretty good for a cover band. 

He glanced at the stage and stopped in his tracks. “Is that… Kansas?”

Bobby nodded. “They all died when their tour bus crashed. I would say it’s a shame, but I’m enjoying the live music too much.”

Dean shook his head in disbelief. First Jimmy, now Kansas. Heaven was… interesting, to say the least. Overwhelming was another way to put it. If only Cas would show up, he could start to appreciate it all. 

Cas? he prayed silently. I’m here, buddy. I wanna… I wanna see you. He waited for the sound of wings, but none came, and disappointment sunk in his chest.

He made his way through the Roadhouse, greeting old friends, making up a badass story for how he died—thirteen vamps, an epic car chase, and liberal use of his grenade launcher—but his smile felt forced. Where the hell was Cas? Maybe he was angry Dean had stayed silent during his love confession. In Dean’s defense, Cas had thrown a lot at him all at once. He’d been in a state of shock for days after. Even now he wasn’t completely sure he hadn’t dreamt the whole thing up.

“Jimmy,” he called, returning to the table. He caught the way Jimmy rolled his eyes before looking up at him. 

“Yes?”

“Cas, he’s been alright, hasn’t he? I mean, did he, um, has he said anything about me?”

Jimmy’s eye twitched and his wife laughed. “What has he not said about you—that’s the real question,” she answered. 

“He won’t shut up,” Jimmy added. He gestured to Kansas, to the bar. “All this, it’s been for you. Giving Kansas a gig here, the free, unlimited liquor. He acts like he’s designing Heaven for everyone, but it’s painfully clear it’s all for you. He even brought in the Impala, which he won’t let anyone near, by the way.”

Baby was here? Obviously. She was as good a car as cars got. Of course Cas understood that. “So, he’s not mad at me?” he pressed.

Jimmy let out an exasperated sigh and looked at his wife. “This is the nonsense I had to put up with, the whole time Castiel was possessing me.” He looked back at Dean. “No. Not that I know of. Did you two really not get together on Earth? After all this time?”

“We’ve been busy,” Dean protested. “Saving the world, defeating God—we haven’t exactly had time for heart to heart talks.” That wasn’t strictly true, but the truth wasn’t something he was proud of. All these years and he’d never worked up the courage to tell Cas how he truly felt. But now he had a second chance, if only Cas would show. 

“Well, hopefully you two can talk it out soon because if I have to see Castiel stare at you longingly across the room one more time, even if it’s not through my own eyes anymore, I’m gonna request a transfer to hell.” With that, he turned back to his wife, and Dean stammered for a snarky retort. Unable to come up with one that preserved the last shreds of his dignity, he slunk away.

Joining Jo and Charlie at the bar, he listened as Charlie told him about the recent larping tournament she had organized. He paid attention, nodding and laughing at the right moments, but his eyes kept searching the room for any glimpse of a trenchcoat. 

The door to the Roadhouse opened and Dean turned expectantly, his heart racing. Rufus raised a hand in greeting as he stepped inside and Dean sighed. 

Please, Cas, he prayed. I have so much to tell you.

His eyes returned to Jimmy again. Same hair, same face, same eyes as Cas. But so different. So human. Cas, though… Cas was gorgeous—the way he stared at Dean so intently, the way he carried himself, the way his eyes glowed with angelic strength, such blue eyes, and his hands, holy fuck...

“For Pete’s sake!” Jimmy exclaimed and Dean startled, realizing he’d been staring for who knew how long. Jimmy jabbed his finger at a door on the back wall. “He’s hiding in there.”

“W-What…?”

Jimmy looked heavenwards—well, at the ceiling—for a long moment before meeting Dean’s eyes. “Castiel panicked when he heard you were here, something about not expecting you so soon—”

Dean stopped listening, already shoving his stool aside and rushing to the door. The doorknob didn’t budge so he knocked. “Cas? Cas, are you in there?”

A long pause, then a muffled, “Yes.”

Dean leaned closer to the door to hear better. “Cas, what the hell, man? What are you doing in there?” He waited for a response, but none came. “Cas?” he pressed, afraid the angel had flown the coop.

The door opened slowly, and Dean took a step back. Cas stood with one hand on the doorknob, an embarrassed look on his face. “Hello, Dean.”

The sound of those familiar words, in that familiar voice, made Dean weak at the knees. He forced his voice to be steady as he said, “Hi, Cas.”

Cas studied him. “You died so soon.”

Dean huffed a laugh. “Yeah, sick joke, right?”

“How did it happen?” Cas started to ask, but Dean waved his hand. 

“Not important. The better question is, why have you been avoiding me?” His voice faltered at a sudden fear that he wouldn’t like the answer. Maybe Cas had had too much time to think since the night he died, maybe he was regretting everything he’d said, maybe Dean’s silence had spoiled the moment—

Cas ducked his head, studying his shoes. “I wasn’t sure… I never expected to see you again. I thought my death was final. Then Jack awakened me and brought me from the Empty, and...”

“And?”

“And I wasn’t sure how you would react to my reappearance.” Cas raised his head to meet Dean’s eyes. “I said a lot of things before I died, and I don’t know how things stand between us now.” 

“Then let me speak.” He glanced over his shoulder to see everyone watching them. In all the times he’d pictured this moment, he’d never imagined having an audience, let alone background music courtesy of Kansas. But he’d be damned if he went one moment longer without telling Cas the truth. 

Focusing on those blue eyes again, he took a deep breath and said, “You were wrong.” Cas frowned a little and Dean continued, “You  can  have me. I love you, Cas—have for years now. I just never… I never knew how to say it.” Cas watched him, face serious, eyes intent. So undeniably Castiel. “I love you. So goddamn much. Please say it’s not too late. Please tell me you’re not having second thoughts.”

A smile slowly spread over Cas’s face. “It’s not too late, Dean. I’ll always love you.”

Relief rushed over Dean. Before he could think twice about it, he stepped forward, grabbed Cas’ tie, and pulled him in to kiss him. He felt Cas’ hand rise to his cheek, then Cas was kissing him back and people were cheering, but Dean ignored them all, wrapping his free arm around Cas to pull him closer. 

“I thought you didn’t love me back,” Cas whispered, pushing his forehead against Dean’s when they broke apart after seconds, or maybe years. Time in Heaven was different, after all.

“I can’t believe you hid in a closet to avoid me.”

Cas laughed a little. “Not my finest moment.”

“I almost confessed my love to Jimmy; I thought he was you.”

“Oh, yes. I suspect his being here is going to cause some confusion.” Cas pulled away to frown at Jimmy over Dean’s shoulder. “And he was not supposed to tell you where I was.”

Dean laughed. “I’m just so glad you’re here.” He kissed Cas again, deeply, slipping his hands under the worn fabric of the trenchcoat. Cas’ fingers slid along his neck and in his hair. Finally, after so long...

Though his mind was spinning, he caught Jimmy’s voice rise above Kansas playing “The Wall,” “First I had to hear all of Castiel’s thoughts about Dean while he possessed me, now I have to share a Heaven with them—”

“Get a room!” Jo called. Dean waved her off as Cas pulled him into the supply room. He’d make a comment later on the irony of hiding in a closet. Right now, he nearly tripped over his feet in his haste to keep kissing Cas while fumbling to pull the door shut behind them. Time to start enjoying the afterlife.

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