#and compare to another sport

[onlythebravest]

.

[hyacinthsdiamonds]

Ted saying that no driver has had this level of attention on them since Michael Schumacher...

Gentlemen, a short view into the past; Max's debut season, his Red Bull debut, the literal rule changed as a result of his debut in the sport... oh and everyone and their mother calling Kimi Max 2.0 and Toto's second chance at signing debut!Max since he failed the first time around...

[rickybaby]

Ugh that article came off so condescending and gross? Him dismissing anyone buying tickets to see Daniel in a VCARB….”more impact out of the car then in it” leeches til the end

These people will never understand why so many of us first became fans of Daniel in 2022, why we stuck with him through all the difficult times and why we would still have shown up to see him get P16 in a vcarb because he raced with as much passion in a midfield car as he did in a top car.

They’ll never understand Daniel’s true impact on this sport, but the one thing they understand is money. And they will see the impact of his loss on their bottom lines. While it’s infuriating to see how this guy only sees Daniel as a show pony, I’m going to feel vindicated when in a few weeks, when all the media and Red Bull have exhausted all the ways they could dismantle his career, there’s going to be quantifiable proof of his loss to this sport.

Money is the only thing that matters in this sport, and it’s about to hurt them where it counts the most

[pinkinsect]

watching haikyuu after being in the blue lock pit for a while is so refreshing. like they're so normal

[capitalisticveins]

My English teacher is a conservative and pro-life and talks so much shit about her daughter for going to a college where other black people will be y'all what do I do

[supercantaloupe]

also tbh i miss the days of high school when i wouldn't really have to do homework at home bc i was able to just do it at school during the day

[anintelligentoctopus]

So here's the conundrum

I think I've figured out how much I need to take in the shoulders by, that's not really an issue. The issue is a) the best way to do that and b) then taking it in at the sides

This is the instruction given for how to narrow the shoulders (make a tuck). It doesn't explain what you do about the rest of it (e.g. armholes):

This is the little ruler thing that you adjust:

And this is roughly how most online instructions and also the McCall's sewing book suggest you do it (though they are all talking about women's clothing). Notably none of them tell you what to do about the chest:

The other part of the problem is this is a vintage McCall's men's pattern from the 1950s and the vintage sewing bloggers aren't making that shit

[xstarkillerx]

[robertsbarbie]

the way the news talks about “genetic advantages” is crazy, what’s next you wanna take away all of secretariat’s awards for having a genetic advantage?

[coochiequeens]

Thanks to gender ideology a dude who didn't sign up while there was still spaces left in the men's category was able to sign up to compete in the women's category. And he won leaving with prize earmarked for a woman while if he did run in the men's category he would have come in 55th.

By Nuria Muíña García February 2, 2024

A man claiming to be “gender fluid” has won the women’s category of a mountain race in Spain, signing up after there were no more spaces left in the men’s category. Quim Durán Pradas, who lives his day-to-day life as a man, says running makes him feel “feminine.”

La Cursa de NaDalt is a chrono-climbing race held annually in December in Catalonia, and its most recent iteration, held on December 26 of 2023, was its 13th anniversary. The race, which starts in Sant Pere de Torelló and ends at the Sanctuary of Bellmunt, is a short but challenging event, and consists of a spectacular route of trails and climbs of 3,862 meters with a positive elevation gain of 620 meters.

In true Spanish fashion — once at the finish line, every racer gets a glass of sparkling wine, something to eat, and to finish it off, hot chocolate.

But the results of the most recent race sparked outrage in Spain after it was discovered that a 48-year-old male had won the top prize in the women’s category.

Speaking to La Vanguardia, sources from the event’s organizing committee explained that the initial outburst had begun at the awards ceremony, where several people broke out into an argument.

Among them was Quim Durán Pradas, a 48-year-old male runner who was seen at the awards ceremony wearing makeup, earrings, and a ponytail.

“[He] was saying that [he] had won in the women’s category and that [he] had every right to be recognized. As an organization, we were caught off guard. There had never been a case like this in previous editions,” explained sources from within the Centre Excursionista Serragrenyada, organizer of the event.

Durán Pradas reportedly threatened to sue the event if he was not provided the prize he claimed he had earned — a pricey leg of cured Iberian ham from Beher Red Label. The prize’s value could range anywhere from €100 to €500 (approx. $107 to $540 USD) depending on the weight of the leg.

Due to his threats and aggression, the event organizers attempted to accommodate him, noting that it was “a bit of a tense situation.” Durán Pradas ended up receiving a provisional victory in the women’s general category. When he stood to receive his ham, there was booing in the audience.

The fastest female, Laia Montoya, had previously taken the top spot in the race in 2022 and 2023. Though she had been booted out of earning the top prize by Durán Pradas, the organizers sent her a box of Iberian ham anyway out of apparent acknowledgement of the unfairness of the situation.

Durán Pradas would have come in 55th place had he participated in the men’s category.

On Instagram, the race’s organizing committee issued a statement explaining “the ethical, moral and philosophical dilemma” they faced.

“We want to show our support and the utmost tolerance, solidarity, and empathy towards gender-vulnerable people,” they wrote. “However, at the same time we also want to underline that the NaDalt race has always tried to promote women’s sport, because historically it has been discriminated and less visible.”

Yesterday, Durán Pradas appeared on Más Espejo, a popular Spanish morning show, where he explained that he is a “gender fluid” athlete who feels “feminine” when he is running in natural environments, but “masculine” at all other times. He is not on any hormone therapy, and does not intend to seek out any surgeries.

“I am gender fluid, and when I run in the mountains, I feel like a woman, I feel like the other female runners,” he said. “I have been to an inclusive psychologist who told me that this is not a disorder. I am simply a person who, depending on the situations, is gender fluid. In my day-to-day life, at home when I’m with my children, I feel like a man. In my leisure time, in contact with nature, I feel like a woman.”

On the program, Durán Pradas stated that he wanted to educate audiences about gender fluidity, also noting that he had previously felt too scared to participate in a women’s category but decided to finally take the risk after being informed there were no slots left in the men’s category. He described the situation as La Cursa de NaDalt “putting [the opportunity] on a platter” for him.

He refused to accept questions from the presenter and the rest of the morning show’s panel, deeming them too “argumentative” to respond to. He then complained he was being subjected to a “hate crime” after one of the panelists accused him of “cheating” for running without having altered his testosterone levels.

“I thought this was going to go well for me, and you just won’t let me justify my position,” Durán Pradas said. “People who do not understand [gender fluidity] and ridicule it as you are ridiculing it… it can become a hate crime.”

[nathaniacolver]

robotics nerds lacking representation is interesting in a way bc WHY am i not surprised????? like genuinely i don't understand why i am not surprised. stem side of tumblr stand up!!!!!

instrument or sport if applicable in tags. if you wish

[galaxycunt]

I can’t be one of those ppl that decenter men in my life how else can I enthrall a room full of people with nfl rpf I found

[leathfaic]

Ghost thinks he's cracked the code when he gifts Johnny an ultra complicated lego set for Christmas. Something to keep his hands and mind busy for a while.

He's watching, with terror and awe as Soap burns through a 1000+ pieces in an hour, with half a bottle of whiskey in him - drinking more while he's at it. He smiles the whole way through, though - and Ghost gets a tipsy peck on his cheek. Which might or might not have made the whole endeavour worth it.

"Thought that might keep you busy a while longer." he admits later, when he's deep into his own cups.

"Ach, dinnae sound so disappointed Ghostie, not'ing in there tha' can explode. Can work fast and sloppy."

Ghost just spent an hour staring at Johnny's hands and the concentration painted on his face. He knows there was nothing sloppy about that assembly. But he has to admit that compared to Soap's usual jobs, this is bound to be rather calming.

His eyes meet Price's over in another corner of the room. And the message, conveyed by a single raised eyebrow is clear. Ghost is not to add explosives to any gifts, even if it would make Soap very happy.

So naturally the next time - at Johnny's birthday - he slaps down a timer and a fully assembled lego set.

"Better get it done in time Johnny. And no cheating."

The way Soap's face lights up at the implication that there might be a bomb in his birthday gift should be concerning. But all it does is make Ghost wish there actually were some.

Johnny is a good sport about properly disassembling the marzipan compromise inside though. And just to prove he can immediately rebuilds the legos into the other figure they can form - taking a shot every time he has to look at the manual.

And when he carries his way too drunk partner to bed, Ghost vows to apply for Christmas leave. Which is something he hasn't done since...well for a long, long time.

Johnny, being the man that he is, never questions why they are going to spend Christmas in the countryside. A small cottage barely worth the name, as far away from other people as you can get on the Isles.

He just takes the chance to kiss Ghost every chance he gets, enjoying the fact that their isolation means he's getting an unprecedented amount of mask-free Simon.

"Got a surprise for you out in the shed, sweetheart." Ghost whispers when he catches Soap from behind while the man is about to open a bottle.

"Sounds like what a serial killer would say to lure ye into the open."

Ghost decides not to ponder that. With the reality of their jobs that answer... more than he's willing to argue right now.

"Should wait with that until you've had the surprise." he says instead, gently taking the bottle from Soap. Who for the first time frowns.

Ghost relents and they bring the scotch to the shed.

When Soap sees what he cooked up, he whistles low, no need to confirm that what he's seeing is the real deal.

It has taken all of Ghost's knowledge about explosives to craft the abomination. The two lego sets combined with a new third one, 6 sets of cables - all the same colour, and of course a live charge inside.

Johnny goes all still. Stalks closer like he's trying to get the drop on the inanimate object.

Watches it from all sides before turning to Ghost, "Do Ah need to follow protocol?"

His voice clearly tells him he hopes he does not have to. Ghost once again feels vindicated in his choice to move them out here, just pressing the bottle back into Soap's hand with a smile.

If this is what takes them both out then it's already worth it for the unhinged grin it gets him. Johnny's feral joy is infectious, and when he finally steps away raising his hands like he's expecting a crowd to cheer, Ghost honestly couldn't tell you how much time had passed.

He doesn't get a chance to ponder it either because the next second he's tackled by a full grown Scot with a half empty bottle of scotch in his hand and taken clean of his feet.

And if he hadn't already convinced this had been worth it, then the way Johnny makes sure to say thank you certainly is.

They do not make it back to the cottage for a good long while.

(This whole thing was inspired by my dear beloved @dismightyman who's singlehandedly holding it down in the Ghoap trenches with me)

[astraystayyh]

⋆˚𝜗𝜚˚⋆ kiwi princess

in which you’re in love with hyunjin and he asks you to give him a buzzcut. this is so so so domestic and intimate and they’re both obsessed with one another. the fic starts with aftercare so allusion to sex but no smut! mentions of nudity and showering tgtr

⋆˚𝜗𝜚˚⋆ exactly a year ago i posted a drabble because of hyune’s new burgundy hair and this is dedicated to the insanity that is buzzhyune.. me and hyunjin have a new yearly tradition it seems 🤝 i’ve been having the worst writer’s block so apologies if this is a little rusty.. thank you @hwajin for hyping me up 🥹 i love u

You have come to know the language of Hyunjin’s kisses, memorized the subtle shifts between each brush of his lips against yours.

There’s the good morning kiss, featherlight and drowsy, when you both are lingering still between reverie and waking. His lips find yours instinctively, eyes still closed, as if he’s spent the entire night dreaming of when he’ll kiss you again. As if he couldn’t bear another second spent apart from you.

Then, there’s the quick press of a goodbye kiss, fleeting but still as sweet, as he slips out the door, his keys forgotten and only one airpod in. Yet he’s always stealing that moment with you, his large hands cupping your cheeks, even when time slips through his fingers. He still bends it to his will to make room for you.

And then, the other goodbye kiss, the one that lingers—aching and unhurried—when parting feels too heavy, when his mouth leaves yours only to return, again and again, as if imprinting the shape of his lips onto you, afraid you might forget him in his absence.

And then, there’s now.

Now, when his kisses are slow and weightless, with no urgency, nothing to chase, nothing to ignite. When you are still drifting, when you have yet to regain your footing on earth, when the echoes of your moans still cling to the air, when the taste of your pleasure still coats your tongue, and his, mostly.

It begins with his head nestled into the crook of your neck, his warm breath fanning against your collarbone. Your hand drifts along his spine in return, following the subtle dip of his back, tracing patterns into his sweat-slicked skin. His body answers even now, goosebumps blooming beneath your touch like he hasn’t tired of you—never could. As if you could break him apart, build him anew, and he would still come undone at the lightest graze of your hand.

His leg hooks over yours, drawing you closer, until his chest melds into yours. He smells sweet—vanilla and wood, laced with something distinctly Hyunjin. But there’s more—he smells like you, your essence tangled into his, leaving no part where you don’t meet, where imprints of your love don’t show.

His heartbeat thrums wildly, echoing not only in his chest but within the hollow of your ribs, as if his soul slipped between your bones to rest inside the shape of you. Perhaps it was always there— because loving hyunjin never felt ordinary. Loving hyunjin felt too magical, too soul-crushing for an affection bound to mortal flesh.

At first, you felt shy—acutely aware of the sweat that glossed your skin, the strands of hair sticking to your forehead, the haze in your eyes. You’d tried to slip away, retreat to the shower, but his hand would always circle your wrist, his voice soft—stay.

And so you do.

His lips find yours again—not driven by urgency, not chasing after more. He kisses you lazily, as if savoring the taste of you, the feel of your lips, the shape of your breath. As if kissing you is not about wanting, but about rejoicing—about holding onto something he knows is already his.

Hyunjin’s body is warm against yours, his hands kneading at your supple flesh, tracing patterns on the soft skin of your waist. He kisses you slowly, his nose grazing yours every now and then, your teeth clashing each time one of you giggles for no apparent reason, smiles sported forth by how innocent this moment feels in hindsight, compared to everything carnally passionate that took place before it.

your fingers thread into the dark locks at the nape of his neck, pulling him closer till your legs tangle like roots pressing deeper into the earth. there’s something so intimate in having him so near, at your most vulnerable form— in the quiet offering of yourself, bare and unguarded, with him as witness and sanctuary. To feel his eyes trace each one of your contours in love, in hunger, like having you pressed to him could not possibly be close enough.

“cold,” he whispers with a soft giggle as your palm presses to his chest. His words dissolve into breathy chuckles when your fingers trail lower, teasing him, and he retaliates by tickling your sides until the pillows surrounding you all fall to the floor.

“Stop—Hyunjin, I’m sorry,” you yelp between gasps of laughter, twisting beneath him. He doesn’t let up, though his lips continue their path along your neck, peppering kisses across your soft skin. Your cheeks flush, and you’re unsure whether it’s from how hard you’re laughing or how his touch feels like the very sun caressing you.

Without warning, he gathers you into his arms, before throwing you over his shoulder. You yelp, legs kicking playfully in the air while your fists drum lightly against his back.

“hyune,” you whine, his name slipping from your lips as he grins, head tipped back in laughter.

“What, baby?” he teases, stepping into the bathroom. Your gaze catches on the mirror, but it isn’t his bare, sculpted, form that captures your attention.

It’s the reflection of both of you—eyes bright, faces glowing with a love so profound it feels as if it could bloom into existence right then and there, expanding to coat the entire universe in the very colors that shape your lover—red, like the flush of his lips, plump and swollen from kissing you breathless, then orange, like the warmth of his hands as they trail softly over your skin, leaving you ablaze in their wake, and somewhat blue, like the glossy sheen of his eyes, deep and penetrating, as they drink you in—whole, bare, and his.

“Here,” he says softly, lowering you to the ground and brushing a strand of hair from your face. “Princess first.”

His hands linger at your waist as he tests the water temperature before he finally guides you beneath the stream.

It’s become second nature, this ritual of showering together—breathy chuckles escaping you both at how terribly cold it is. Though you still have to pretend that him reaching out for your shampoo doesn’t free something delicate inside you, like butterfly wings fluttering against fragile glass.

“Isn’t your shampoo fancier?” you’d teased once, and he only shook his head with a quiet giggle. “I like how yours smells.”

Later in bed, curled into your chest, his ear pressed to your heartbeat, he explained it was more than the sweetness of your scent. It was his need to carry you—in the hollow of his collarbones, in the tangle of his hair. A longing to smell like you, to feel you on him even through something as mundane as soap, as shampoo.

“Your hair’s getting long,” you muse, your fingers weaving through damp strands, twisting them softly.

“Should I chop it all off?” he asks, pouring shampoo into his palms before lathering it into your hair.

When you don’t answer right away, his teeth graze your shoulder, playful and fleeting. “Cat got your tongue?”

“Alright, cannibal Hwang,” you laugh. “Do you actually want to do it?”

“I’ve thought about it, a lot,” he admits, softly.

You turn suddenly, cupping his face, tilting it left and right as if sculpting him with your eyes.

“What… are you doing?” he chuckles.

“Shh. I’m visualizing.”

“Well,” he kisses you, quick and light, like a sudden summer rain, “you’re cute when you visualize.”

“Hwang Hyunjin,” you start, tone solemn, even as a smile threatens to spill from your lips. “You’re blessed with a face card that comes once in a century, a face card that could pay off the world’s debt. A face card that is more powerful than all other face cards combined. If aliens come to planet Earth and we need to show them just one face card to save the human race, it would be yours. Unanimously.”

He groans, burying his face in your neck, though it is not fast enough to conceal the reddening of his cheeks from you.

“Angel, I think the soap’s messing with your head.”

“They hanged Galileo for telling the truth too,” you say sternly, and he twirls you beneath the water once more.

“My point is—you should do it. It’ll suit you.”

“You think so?”

“I know so. I’m an expert in Hwang Hyunjin face cards, after all.”

“Stop calling me with my full name,” he whines in your ear, “it gives me weird goosebumps.”

“Apologies my love, my angel, my munchkin, my cinnamon roll, my baby dumpling, my strawberry milkshake, my little eggplant—”

“Okay now you’re just hungry,” he laughs, and the sound seems to trigger your own uncontrollable giggles. You swear the world becomes brighter for a second at the sound of his laugh. As if pierced by a bolt of light sent out just to celebrate Hyunjin’s joy.

And that’s how you find yourself perched on the bathroom sink, half an hour later, a trimmer humming softly in your hand.

“I still think we should sign a contract stating I’m not liable for how this haircut turns out,” you tease.

His pout deepens as you wrap your legs around his waist, pulling him closer. “What happened to your confidence in my face card?” His hands find their place at your sides, and his warm, honey-dipped eyes blink up at you—so tender, so trusting. His face glows, dewy from the moisturizer you pressed into his skin. His lips are tinted red from your cherry chapstick, and his hair is so long, and silky, and soft.

“Shh. We need a moment of silence for your hair. I’m in mourning.”

“Alright, you can take a moment of silence, while I…” his lips brush yours, soft and deliberate, “kiss you.”

“This is highly inappropriate,” you giggle, as you smile into the kiss, “your poor hair. not even a proper goodbye…” you tease, placing a final peck on the tip of his nose.

“Alright,” he nods, puffing up his cheeks, “You can start.”

“Siri, play Long For You.”

He raises an eyebrow at your command, and you widen your eyes in defense. “What? It’s to set the mood.”

The bathroom hushes, save for Hyunjin’s melancholic voice drifting between the tiles. His eyes never leave you, tracing the shape of your face as your hands carefully shave away strands of his hair, his thumbs grazing your sides so tenderly it makes your knees grow weak. There’s something so achingly intimate about this setting, as everything with hyunjin is. To have him so close to you, placing himself in your hands, looking up at you with eyes that drip of adoration.

“Woah…” you breathe when you’re done, a soft smile curving at your lips.

“Do you hate it? Did my face card fail?” His voice wavers just enough for you to hear the insecurity he’s trying to mask.

Your palms cup his cheeks, fingertips tracing the contours of his lovely features as if memorizing him all over again. “You’re beautiful, my Hyune.”

“You mean it?”

“Always. You’re the most beautiful person I’ve ever seen.”

Sliding down from the counter, you guide him to the mirror. His reflection stares back, wide-eyed and unsure, as your head rests gently against his arm.

“What do you think?”

“I… love it?” he offers, uncertain, and you giggle.

“Didn’t I do a good job?”

His nod is immediate. “I’d trust you with my actual life. You know that, right?”

You smile softly, tucking yourself into his arms as he pulls you in front of him. His chin nestles into the crook of your shoulder. He’s warm, and he smells like you. And you smell like him. And he’s yours.

“You know… the more I look at it, the more attractive it gets,” he murmurs.

“Of course. You can make even a buzzcut look insanely hot. I hate you.”

He grins, “and my crazy all mighty face card?”

“Precisely,” you laugh. “You know… don’t you think you look a bit like…”

Your voice drifts off, and his eyes narrow with suspicion. “Like what?”

“You do kind of look like a kiwi,” you muse, barely containing your laughter.

“Not again,” he groans, as you dissolve into giggles— “My little golden kiwi princess.”

“You’re insane. And maybe a little cannibalistic. And insane. I mean—do I always have to look like food? What about a flower, what about—”

“And don't you love me still?”

His rant fades as his eyes soften, the teasing giving way to something quieter. His smile is bright, and warm, like a thousand suns colliding into one.

“And I love you. So much more than you’ll ever know.”

[queenie-ofthe-void]

No one's really surprised to see famous rockstar Eddie Munson show up to the 2024 Paris Olympics. His close friendship with three-time medalist gymnast Chrissy Cunningham had the press working over time when the pair were first spotted six years ago leaving a fundraising event.

However, no one can seem to figure out why- in Chrissy's down time- the metal head is frequently spotted at the men's swimming events. Everyone knows Munson's queer, but he's not the type to show up just to oggle some poor, unsuspecting athletes (he is, but the press don't need to know he's a bit of a freak).

Prime time news coverage chock it up to Eddie supporting the best of the USA's Olympians, including Steve Harrington, who just broke the world record for men's fastest 100m freestyle. They'd pointed out it wasn't odd he was there, since he also made appearances at other events with up and coming stars, such as Lucas Sinclair for men's basketball and Nancy Wheeler for women's skeet shooting. When asked about it, he'd laughed it off, saying swimming was Chrissy's favorite sport to watch and he promised he'd fill her in on what she missed.

That didn't stop fans online from obsessing over small details, including Eddie's repeat appearances at the swimming events, where he only showed once for anything else that wasn't Chrissy's competitions. There was no way he could keep Chrissy filled in on what she missed when he only showed up to meets Harrington competed in, not all men's swimming events.

Fan edits of Eddie Munson clapping a little too hard, screaming a little too loud, and overall just a little bit more excited for Harrington's podium than Chrissy's gold medal spread across the internet like wildfire. One blurry shot caught Harrington briefly look in his direction when he won his silver, but it was hard to be certain.

Tucked into bed after another long day of interviews, Eddie pulls up a few of the best fan edits Jeff and Gareth sent him earlier. It's become a bit of a habit over the past few weeks to watch his favorite ones before he goes to sleep. He feels the bed dip next to him, a warm hand slide over his chest and a leg push between his own.

"Aww babe," Steve coos, "did we get new ones today?"

Eddie leans down, dropping little kisses on his husband's forehead. "Apparently Jeff says these ones are even more convincing than last week's."

Steve hums a content little sigh before nuzzling into the crook of Eddie's neck. They've been riskier about public appearances this time around compared to Tokyo, but they've agreed to publicly come out after this year's games are over. So, why not have a little fun with it?

They release a fan edit of their own later that year posted on the official Corroded Coffin profile. It's a reaction video of them watching all of their favorite tiktoks and fanart and Tumblr posts. They laugh, point out inaccuracies, answer fan questions, and post a few pictures of their own, including the two of them standing under an arch of flowers exchanging rings.

[abyssruler]

furina’s guide on the art of matchmaking

neuvillette x gn!reader

it’s no secret that furina is constantly bored of the mundanity that comes with court, but with the recent discovery of neuvillette’s crush on you, things have just gotten a lot more interesting. if only you and neuvillette would just get together, but alas, it comes down to the great hydro archon to bring justice to neuvillette’s sad, pathetic love life.

furina pov, comedy, furina being dramatic as hell

Furina knows the best way to get under Neuvillette’s skin is through you. The Iudex may seem impassive from the outside, but she knows where to look for his tells, particularly when he’s annoyed (she has, after all, been the recipient to silently judging stares, usually those of a disappointed or even irritated nature).

And she’s seen the way Neuvillette looks at you—his face softening, an almost imperceptible smile on his lips, and most damningly of all, the slightest hint of a blush whenever you stare into his eyes a little too long to be considered proper.

It’s all so entertaining to watch, if a bit miffing to endure seeing how utterly slow the two of you are. If Furina had been in Neuvillette’s shoes, she would have long since enacted a performance grander than anything Fontaine has ever seen and asked you out on a date. Not just any date though, no, she would have to pull an all-nighter to come up with the best date there is. One does not simply go on a date with the God of Justice and have it be mediocre.

But all that aside, with how boring Neuvillette is with his stricter than strict rules and views on how one must go about their day, it falls upon her to make sure he doesn’t die as a decrepit old bachelor who’s never felt the touch of another person intimately. (Not that Furina had any say on the topic of intimacy, seeing as she’s never had any experience in the romantic aspects of life, but experience means nothing compared to the wisdom of the God of Justice!)

So, after many nights spent huddled beneath her blankets, scribbling on her notebook and brainstorming the best way to get a rise out of Neuvillette, she happened upon a breakthrough. An idea so great it would not only be something worthy of the Steambird’s headlines, but also be something the people of Fonatine would speak of for years to come.

Yes, it all comes down to this very moment, standing over the highest place in the opera with hundreds of eyes watching her as she points an accusing finger at your figure standing on the very stage she’s set up.

Neuvillette watches it all with his eyes narrowed at her, hands clasped tightly around his cane, and Furina would have loved to relish in that reaction, but alas, she must continue with her script.

With a haughty smile, she meets your eyes as she yells out loud to her captivated audience.

“I charge you, (Y/N), with the crime of theft!”

The people below gasp in shock at the sudden accusation. Only natural, of course. You, an esteemed person of reputable background who most people view as a kind person, being charged with theft? How scandalous!

But that’s not all!

“You stand accused of thievery,” Furina pauses for a dramatic effect, feeling the spectators hold their breaths as they await her final verdict.

She then looks up at Neuvillette, and it takes all she has in her not to burst in hysterics at the comically pinched face he’s sporting. She moves her finger from you to Neuvillette, practically preening in place as the assembled crowd below let out varying expressions of shock.

And with a smug smile, she deals the final blow.

“For stealing the Chief Justice of Fontaine’s heart!”

One, two, three—

Screams erupt from below. Women squealing in delight while the men cheer at the sudden twist from accusation to romance.

Furina basks in the attention as the people sing praises of her.

“Of course, how could not I have seen it before?”

“Lady Furina is so sharp to have caught on!”

“Monsieur Neuvillette and (Y/N) do make a good pair, don’t they?”

“How ingenious! As expected of our Lady Furina!”

But then, Neuvillette stands, a stern look on his face as he taps his cane on the ground hard enough to rattle her eardrums.

“Order!”

His face could have been made from stone with how hard he’s looking at her. If looks could kill, she’d be dead on the spot. Yikes! Perhaps it’s time to make a swift escape…

“Lady Furina, might I remind you that charges and accusations are not to be made lightly within the court. To abuse your position in order to make a ridiculous statement. I…”

With every word that leaves his mouth, Furina slowly begins to feel that perhaps she’d been too hasty in thinking that all would turn out well. And oh, maybe she should have thought up of scenarios and what-to-dos after she finished performing her grand plan, but in her defense, she’d been too excited at the prospect of finally pushing you two together that it completely slipped her mind!

Is it too late to claim it was all an elaborate performance not meant to be taken seriously?

Neuvillette stares thunderously up at her.

She’ll take that as a no, then.

Just when all hope seemed to have been lost, a savior comes in the form of you raising your hand.

Neuvillette immediately stops speaking in favor of addressing you.

“Would the accused like to defend their innocence?”

You take a deep breath, gaze briefly flitting to Furina’s before meeting Neuvillette’s. And even without much prompt, from that single glance alone, she knew she was about to witness something extremely entertaining.

“I… I would like to press charges as well,” you say evenly, and for a second, Furina’s heart drops as she thinks you’re about to charge her for false accusations and perhaps even slander, (the first time in history that anyone has charged the God of Justice for a crime!) but then, you continue—

“I would like to press charges against you, Monsieur Neuvillette, for stealing my heart too.”

Your statement is followed by a stunned silence that only lasts for a brief moment, before it’s overcome by exclamations and whoops at the sudden turn of events.

Furina falls back on her seat and howls with laughter as she watches Neuvillette be struck speechless, red creeping up his cheeks as your statement echoes across the cavernous hall. She reminds herself to gift you something extravagant for saving her at the very last moment.

Ah, what a delightful way to end the show.

She watches you direct a besotted smile towards Neuvillette. Another day, another poor sod saved from the horrors of a nonexistent love life.

Furina mentally pats herself on the back for a job well done.