#yeah my freshman year of hs was CRAZY

[nathaniacolver]

robotics nerds lacking representation is interesting in a way bc WHY am i not surprised????? like genuinely i don't understand why i am not surprised. stem side of tumblr stand up!!!!!

instrument or sport if applicable in tags. if you wish

[illubean]

Valorant Protocol as Highschool Stereotypes

Characters: Chamber, Gekko, Iso, Jett, Killjoy, Neon, Phoenix, Raze, Sage, Skye, Viper, Yoru Type: Headcanons

HAHA help me valorant brainrot >.< also this is based off of my hs experience soooo yeah

Warnings: none

Chamber

your typical pretty boy

all the girls love him all the boys hate him

well...most of the girls love him

they follow him around to classes or offer him gifts or ask to sit with him at lunch etc.

and he eats up the attention every time

he's lab partners with Viper in Environmental Sciences and he likes trying to flirt with her

she actually hates him btw

Gekko

canonically he skateboards

but honestly? I can see him being on the dance team

he's so high energy, he needs some sort of outlet

he never misses an opportunity to show off his dance moves

homecoming? prom? he is the center of the dance circle

like Raze, he doesn't know how popular he is

he's just happy to have so many good friends that it doesn't even actually occur to him that he's considered "popular"

Iso

he's an ap art kid

like he walks around with a big ass sketchbook every day

always talking about his portfolio

Iso baby ily but please shut the fuck up about oil paints <3

he probably volunteered part of his summer break to come in and paint a mural for the school

I think he'd also take a piano class as like a schedule filler but he actually gets crazy good at it

Jett

pe tryhard

if you end up on the opposite team as her while playing dodge ball good luck 😓

she's always picked as team captain because literally no one else is excited as she is

she's sorta like Hairo from Saiki K 💀

she gets a lil mad when her teammates don't try

Killjoy

she's in robotics club

she's not very popular but that doesn't bother her at all

she heads straight to and from every class and spends her lunch period in the workshop unless Raze drags her off somewhere

not a lot of people actually know who she is, and if they do they just know her as 'Raze's Friend'

i think she'd remind the teacher about the homework and hit you with the "erm actually 🤓" tbh

Neon

she's on track and field/cross country

after every meet you can find her laying on the floor somewhere ready to puke bc she tries so hard to win 😭

she always ends up top 5 tho

she complains about practice but joins the team every year anyways

she carries her bag around all the time and if you open it there's like 10 water bottles in there

#hydratedqueen

Phoenix

theater kid DUHH

he's probably drama club president or sumn

bro will NOT let go of a specific song from a musical he was in his freshman year and it wasn't even his song 💀

he's been in every show every year and somehow he manages to land every role he wants

he's insanely good at the game 'bang' (mostly because he's louder than everyone else...)

he probably plans/hosts the cast parties too

Raze

she doesn't care much about her grades

she does the bare minimum and gets straight Cs

she's just here to have fun

everyone likes her because of her approachable personality

she doesn't think she's popular but she is

Sage

she's in the medical assistant class

she takes it very seriously, as she plans on going to medical school

even before taking the class she carries a first aid kit and other essentials everywhere she goes

you need a bandaid? ibuprofen? a pad or tampon? she has it all

she's also ASB president

school events literally would not be able to run without her

lets just say her college applications/resume will look REALLY good...

Skye

she also took medical assistant but was less crazy about it than Sage

she just follows her friend's lead

she thinks the skills are useful but she doesn't see herself making it her career

but also I think she would play volleyball

she's a well rounded player but specializes most in defense

still, don't underestimate her bc this girl can SPIKE

Viper

she took every ap science class offered without taking the general ones first

she complains about getting any grade below an A...

"What are you talking about? That test was easy"

sorry not everyone is as smart as you Sabine 😑

she spends all her free time at chem tutoring (even though she doesn't need it)

Yoru

he thinks he looks cool and mysterious when he walks down the halls but he doesn't

everyone just thinks his mad all the time and stay out of his way 😭

randos try to pick fights with him bc he "looked at them wrong" (Yoru wins every time)

he's not exactly a 'quiet kid' but he does lay low when it comes to the social part of school

despite his 'bad boy' look, he has pretty good grades

he's also probably one of those guys that a handful of girls have a crush on but he has no idea

[dirt-grub]

i def dont have covid but for the record if i were to be fucked and get it i would absolutely make everyone who thinks covid isnt real uncomfortable. like i’ll be in a damn hospital bed fucking @ ing dumbass tim who thinks its all made up by the government like ok then bro u wanna hang out??? omw and dont bother to wear a mask since you dont believe in them! like yeah bitch im sure youll feel real confident about your conspiracy theories then huh

[romanoffsbish]

Fifteen

Natasha Romanoff x Fem!Reader !!!

Wanda Maximoff x Fem!Reader(Bestie)

Wanda Maximoff x Vision (HS exes)

Wanda Maximoff x Carol Danvers (Wives)

Monica Rambeau x Fem!Reader(Divorced)

Misery x Fem!Reader

Sad Beautiful Tragic (MW x Taylor Swift Series)

High School AU

Next Half

Once your phone goes off, you reach out to shut it down, but the face illuminating your screen tells you that ignoring the call won't work well in your favor.

"Good evening sunshine!!! Piet and I will be by tomorrow at four to pick you up..." Your bestfriend, and business partner gleefully announces through the phone.

"Do I have to go?" You whined like a petulant child, as you pulled your blanket over your head in an attempt to block out the moonlight.

"Yes, now stop asking! We're going to show up looking fine as hell, and shove our success in all of their faces."

"Wands, sweetheart, with all do respect, I'm a divorcee, nearing her late twenties with nothing but a business to my name and a cat at home to give my love to. We both also know that Mr. Mittens would kill me if given the chance, so really what am I left with to show off...?"

"You have me, I love you, and most days I don't wish to kill you.."

"Well, I can't exactly show off my best friend, now can I?"

"You can though, Carol's going to be out of town, my parents will have Christina and Jackson, and I don't have social media so no one has to know the truth."

You giggle quietly to yourself at the mention of the beloved twins, the same ones that she named after a Grey's Anatomy binge session that took place as she was on bedrest. Carol's protests fell on deaf ears, and her glare fell upon you as you vehemently stood by Wanda's side.

"Me knowing is bad enough, plus I'm sure Monica will be there with her new husband, so she'd know too. I'd rather just show up as the pathetic loser who's so emotionally stunted by her first love, that she failed to move on."

"Nooo pity partying Y/N/N..." She tiredly singsongs, her Sokovian accent slipping right on through as she merges into a yawn.

"It's just known as a party for me." You sarcastically quip, and she loudly groans through the speaker.

"Get some sleep champ, I'll see you in less than eighteen hours." She concludes before promptly hanging up on you.

You roll over, acknowledging the late hour, and fall into a restless sleep, full of the memories of your high school years.

———

—————————————————————

You take a deep breath and you walk through the doors, it's the morning of your very first day. You say "Hi" to your friends you ain't seen in a while, try and stay out of everybody's way

It's your freshman year and you're gonna be here, for the next four years in this town.

Hoping one of those seniors will wink at you and say:

"You know I haven't seen you around before."

—————————————————————

•~~~~~~~~~~~~•~~~~~~~~~~~~•

The Summer of '13 had proven to be a great one for you, as puberty had finally done right by you. You'd finally grown comfortable in your skin, and it honestly showed in the way you walked through the hallways of your new school with your head held high.

You'd gotten to see most of your friends throughout the hallways, even catching sight of your oldest friend Yelena Belova near your set of lockers. Over the years the two of you had drifted apart into smaller subgroups, but you still mingled on the regular. Seeing her excites you though, because that should mean her older sister Natasha is enrolled here as well.

"Y/N Y/L/N! I didn't see you at any of the parties this summer!" The blonde greets you with a playful scowl, and you wrap her up in a tight hug.

"Yeah, sadly mom sent us kids off to Connecticut for the summer, we only just got back last week. She said something like 'you three are driving me crazy' and next thing I know I'm on a bus." You relay, and she gasps.

"My mom would never trust Natasha and I alone on a bus."

"Well, I can't really blame Melina, have you met yourself?" You laugh out, while slamming your locker shut, and quickly stepping back before she can slap you.

"Watch yourself Y/L/N..." She grumbles, but you can hear the playfulness in her tone.

"See you around Belova."

"Don't be a stranger!!!" She shouts after you, and you throw up a thumbs up, and smile widely the whole way to your next class.

First period had been super easy as it was English, and you like to think you knew that language very well. On your way to second period you'd had your head down, and unintentionally collided with Vision Stark.

"Hey, watch where you're going froshy..."

You rolled your eyes hard at the term, and then looked up to see his face change.

"Oh, Y/N, it's been awhile."

Not long enough...

"Yeah, I have been a bit busy, haven't seen much of Tony either..." You awkwardly relay, praying to some God that he'd step to the side so you could just get to your next class.

"Vis, who's this? I've never seen her around."

"I am Y/N Y/L/N, and you are?" You answer for yourself, not wanting to hear whatever it is the pretentious rich kid is about to introduce you as.

"Steve Rogers. Just transferred here at the end of last school year."

"Well, lovely to see you again Vis, and to meet you Rogers, but I do need to get to the D wing in less than two minutes."

"Nice to meet you as well."

"See you around Lezzy..."

There it is... What a douchebag...

•~~~~~~~~~~~~•~~~~~~~~~~~~•

—————————————————————

You sit in class next to a redhead named Abigail , and soon enough you're best friends. Laughing at the other girls who think they're so cool, we'll be out of here as soon as we can.

—————————————————————

•~~~~~~~~~~~~•~~~~~~~~~~~~•

"Is this seat taken?"

You look up at the sound of the unfamiliar voice, curiosity peeking through as you try to place the accent, and you look to see a sweet looking redhead is patiently awaiting your response.

"Um, no, it's all yours." You squeak, feeling a bit bad for your obvious staring, but her gentle smile instantly calms your nerves

"You're new?"

"Well, aren't we all?" She jests, and you awkwardly chuckle at the painfully obvious truth.

"Well, yeah, I just meant that I've never seen you around before and it's a really small town." You quip, and she smirks playfully.

"I was just teasing, yes, I'm new. My family moved us here from California, but my accent, since you were clearly wondering, comes from my home country—Sokovia."

"Us?"

"I'm Wanda Maximoff, and that boy in the corner, flexing his noodle arms is my twin, Pietro."

You sneak a look in the corner, rolling your eyes once you see the girls he's trying to impress.

"He's barking up the wrong tree, those girls are especially mean."

"Mean is exactly his type." She cringes, then quickly turns her gaze to the front as the teacher calls for everyone's attention.

—

After class, your newfound friend follows you to the gymnasium with her brother in tow. The room is full of tables with sign up sheets, and you feel like a kid in a candy store at the overwhelming amount of options.

"Sestra!! I'm headed to the track and field table." Pietro announces, bouncing on his feet rather excitedly before taking off in a run.

"What a show off." She grumbles from your side, and you smile lightly.

"So, what are you into then?"

"I'm considering joining a sport, and two clubs."

"Woah, so we got a show off and an overachiever? Well, we will be a perfect trio then because I'm the girl who will join one club simply because my mom expects it of me."

"Lazy, just what I look for in a best friend."

"Maxi, are you sure this isn't moving too fast? We've only just met."

"Weren't you the one to just call us a trio? I'll find us the perfect club Y/N/N, don't you worry that empty little head of yours." She laughs out boisterously, booping your nose lightly before she takes off towards the tables.

"I think you meant to say pretty! Don't worry, I understood you." You shout after her before perusing through the many tables.

Volleyball?

Absolutely not.

Dungeons and Dragons?

No thanks.

Gay-Straight Alliance?

Now why would anyone want to spend their time with the straights?! Maybe...

Softball?

Seems gay enough, but you're not athletically inclined, so you'd be best to just move on.

As you go to walk on, your name being called pulls your attention up to see who's behind the table. Then a familiar face is rounding the table and pulling you into a hug.

Natasha Romanoff, older half-sister to your longtime friend Yelena Belova, the same one you've had a silly little crush on for the entirety of your adolescence.

"It's so good to see you! Yelena talks about you from time to time, but you never come around anymore, I'd thought you moved away." She relays, pulling back with a definite pout and your heart flutters at the mere notion that she'd missed you.

"It's been awhile for sure, sorry, mom kind of sent us away for the last two summers."

"Melina misses you, you know? She thinks you're a good friend for Lena, and she's right too, you keep her in check."

"Melina misses me?" You playfully question, and the redhead moves to deflect your obvious insinuating.

"So, you are interested in joining the softball team?" She chuckles in disbelief, because as long as the redhead has known you, you've always been the one shying away from physical activity.

"Oh, absolutely not, just trying to be seen as the kind of person who would partake in sports." You mutter with a playful smile.

"Good." She beams, and your face falls.

Natasha notices, and immediately lifts your face up by your chin so that she can look you directly in the eyes as she speaks.

"It's just, I'd much prefer a pretty girl such as yourself cheering me on from the bleachers."

Natasha smirks at the way you react to the simplest of flirts, and she chooses to continue to fluster you.

"However, you would look really amazing in the uniform so let me just put you down..."

Before she could even grab a pen you snatched the clipboard off her table, and ran off. Natasha took off after you and as soon as you made it out of the gymnasium she'd caught up to you. Grabbing you from behind, she playfully wrestled the clipboard out of your hands.

"On second thought, with all of that panting you're doing, I think it's best you stay in the bleachers." She laughs out, and the glare you send just spurs the laughter on.

You stood upright with a huff, and went to swiftly reenter the gym, but her arm holding out in front of you had stopped you.

"Y/N/N, wait."

"Why, so you can continue to tease me?" You say with your head down, and hands wrapped tightly around your backpack straps.

"No, silly, so I can ask you out..." She giggles, and your head snaps up to read her expression.

The genuine lift of her smile doesn't help to calm you, or the insane beating of your heart, because you're not entirely sure why a goddess like Natasha would even want you, but you're not going to miss this chance.

"So, what do you say pretty eyes, will you go out with me?"

"I- uh-Ye-yeah." You stutter out, and smile goofily in her direction, and her heart skips a beat at the way you're looking at her.

"Perfect! I'll pick you up this Friday at 5PM, wear something comfortable." She excitedly relays, before placing a kiss to your cheek, and leaving you a flustered mess as she rushes back to attend to her currently empty table.

—

"Hey... Are you okay?" Wanda asks, as she cautiously approaches your stilled body.

Your lack of acknowledgement should throw her off, but she just moves right passed it.

"Well, I signed us up for the Mathletes club." She nonchalantly states, and chuckles as your face contorts into a horrified expression

"You did what?"

"Ha! I was getting worried I'd have to take you to the nurse." She laughs out, then links her arms with yours and takes you both off to your shared fourth period.

"I actually did sign both of us up for the drama club."

"Not great, but not nearly as bad as mathletes so I'll let it be." You grumble, and she rolled her eyes.

"So what is it that happened to leave you stood like a deer caught in the headlights?"

"Well, I sort of ran into the girl I've been in love with since my late elementary days, and she just asked me out."

"Ooh... Who is she? Do we have any classes together?"

"Her name is Natasha, and no we don't, she's a junior."

"Oh no... Not an upperclassman... Be careful..." She warns, and now it's you rolling your eyes

"I've known her for years, and trust me, she's good people."

"You know, I've only known you for three hours, but shockingly I do."

You smile at her truth, then turn to face Mr. Wilson, before ignoring his teachings in favor of daydreaming.

•~~~~~~~~~~~~•~~~~~~~~~~~~•

—————————————————————

And then you're on your very first date and she's got a car, and you're feeling like flying.

And your mamma's waiting up and you're thinking she's the one, and you're dancing 'round your room when the night ends.

—————————————————————

•~~~~~~~~~~~~•~~~~~~~~~~~~•

"Y/L/N!"

"Shit, Belova, I'm literally stationed right next to you, no need to yell." You groan, shutting your locker, then widening your eyes at the sight of the glaring blonde.

"What's wrong?"

"You're going out with my sister tonight.." She states with a death glare, and prominent frown.

"Yeah, I-I am doing that."

"Don't let me catch you breaking her heart..."

"Yelena, I would never dream of it..." You frantically relay, reaching yours hands out to grip her shoulders as if that helps the situation.

"Oh, I know, I've seen the way you look at each other, but I still must threaten you as it's my sisterly duty."

"Are we good then?" You ask, while scratching at the back of your neck.

"Always..." She replies with a playful wink before running off towards her girlfriend.

—

That whole entire school day you'd avoided Natasha, hoping to hide your nerves, but you weren't so fortunate as she cornered you in the B wing when you'd been innocently drinking at the water fountain. She tapped your shoulder twice, and you jumped backwards with wide eyes, water now dribbling down your chin and onto your shirt. 

"Oh, pretty eyes, I never meant to startle you." Natasha coos, with a playful glint in her eyes to contradict her statement.

"Sounds fishy..."

"Well, you've been avoiding me all day... I'd had no choice but to catch you off guard."

"I have not..." You shriek, and she giggled at your horrible attempt at lying.

"Detka, lying isn't very ladylike..."

"Screw ladylike."

She snorts at your sentiment, finding herself lightly nodding in agreement.

"Yeah, you're right... Fuck being ladylike..."

"Now, back to why I tapped you, I was trying to get your new phone number. Yelena was actually offended that she didn't have it. I've texted you all week with no response, and I know my sweet girl would never just ignore me..."

"Oh my gosh, Natty.. I'm so sorry... I had dropped my phone in the toilet at my Nana's over the summer, and I lost all my contacts and then I keep forgetting to get everyone's number this week. It's funny too, because my mom had wanted to switch carriers anyways so she used it as a reason to do so. So that's why my number changed. I would never ignore you."

Natasha watches in amusement as you rambled on for what felt like forever, and she's hopeful that it'll be something you do tonight because she honestly finds it adorable.

"Here.." You sheepishly hand over your unlocked phone when you realize just how long you'd rambled for, and Natasha's smile widens at your background.

"Is that Boomer? This photo of you two is adorable... Send it to me please, for your contact photo..." Her eyes twinkle with a bit of nostalgia at the site of your cat, who'd she met a handful of times, and fell in absolute love with.

"Yeah, he um, he passed over the Summer. Mom called me to tell me, that's kinda why my phone ended up in the toilet..."

"Oh, sweet girl, I'm sorry... I know how important he was to you, honestly to the group, does anyone else know?"

You silently shake your head, Natasha decides to stop pushing, and instead to just pull you in for a hug.

"I texted myself, I'll see you tonight okay?"

You nodded against her, squeezing a bit tighter for just a moment longer before reluctantly releasing her and taking your phone.

"I'll see you later Natty..." You goofily smiled her way before continuing out of the block of classrooms so that you could walk home.

—

"Wanda! What am I meant to wear?!" You shriek to the girl as you walk home together.

"Y/N/N... She said comfortable, so just take a shower, put on a simple outfit, and do something cool with your hair. Don't be so worried, I literally saw her staring at you all week, the girl is already whipped."

"You're wild Wanda, she wasn't staring, and she's certainly not whipped..." You lightly chuckled at your new friend's statement.

"Seriously, Y/N, even I see it." Pietro pipes up, and you suddenly remembered he was present.

"The only person who doesn't see it is you, I literally heard that Yelena girl gagging when her sister mentioned you, I can only assume it was like the fiftieth time."

"Whatever..." You grumbled, then bid them farewell as you still had a couple blocks to go.

——————————————————————

Natty ❤️

~Pretty eyes... Photo please? 🥺🙏🏼~

*Photo Attachment*

~More ? 😉~

*Of what?*

~You, Boomer, you with Boomer 🤷‍♀️~

*Lol.. Okay...*

*Photo Attachments*

*You send some too then, it's only fair. 👀*

~Download Photo Attachments~

~All you had to do was ask, see you tonight Y/N/N. 😘~

——————————————————————

The photos she sent made your heart swell, as you scrolled through them. A goofy selfie caught your eye and you'd instantly set it as her contact photo. Then you saved the rest, as they included throwbacks of your group throughout the years. Before you knew it you'd made it home, and set off to get ready.

—

You sat on the living room couch, having finally settled on wearing a simple band t-shirt, a pair of bike shorts, your classic checkered vans, and settled on a front facing dad hat over your pulled back hair.

The doorbell went off, and you looked down to see it was only 4:45, and before you could answer it your mom already had.

"Natasha, it's been awhile, come on in..." Your mom greets the redhead with a side hug.

You'd quietly jumped up to see the nervous girl stood in your doorway with a bouquet of roses in her hands, as she anxiously teetered on the balls of her feet.

"These are for you." She quietly states, as she gently passes them to your mom with a sweet smile.

Natasha remembered how protective your mom was of you, having been around long enough to see your dad leave all those years ago. Her parents had been part of the main reason your mom even survived the sudden change. So, she was in her own way trying to let your mom know how serious she was.

"Thank you sweetheart, they're beautiful. Y/N's in the living room, please just have her home by no later than 9:30." Your all knowing mother gently relays, before setting off to place the flowers in a vase, and kiss your forehead before you leave.

"Will do Miss. Y/L/N. Mama also sent this over, and said she'd loved to see you soon." She says as she hands over a tupperware with some baklava.

"Oh, sweetheart, Maria is just fine, no need for formality. Please, tell her I said thank you, and I'm free next weekend."

—

"We're here..." Natasha singsongs as she pulls into the parking lot of the local mini golfing business.

"Mini golf?"

"No... Batting cages." She beams, and points to the side of the lot where they're located.

"Oh, so you brought me to your practice for a date then?" You tease, and her smile remains.

"No, I brought my beautiful date to a place I enjoy, so that I can share an important part of myself with her."

She jumps out of her truck, then excitedly bounds to meet you at your door to offer a hand in getting out. You overestimated your skills, jumping down while holding her hand, and she had to catch you before your knees buckled.

"Don't you even think about it." You groan, as you can feel her body shake with laughter, and watch closely as she bites her tongue.

Natasha pays for the hour session, then switches your hat out for a helmet. Without much warning the balls began to fly, and you wildly swung the bat, missing nearly every one.

"This is hopeless..."

"Y/N, it's only been a minute..."

"My arms are literally aching, how?!"

She laughs at your state, then moves to stand behind you, and quietly asks.

"Is this okay? Can I move you around?"

Too nervous to speak, you'd settled on a nod, within a moments time her front flushed against your back, and her arms wrapped around yours on the bat.

"Okay, keep your legs shoulder width apart." She instructs, then taps her toes against your heels until she feels it's suffice.

"Now adjust your grip, move your non-dominant hand below the other, then hold firmly so the bat is secure, but not too tight."

"Now, bend your knees slightly, rotate your shoulders so your tilted slightly inward, then make sure your bat is facing the sky."

You follow the direction, and prepare to swing.

"No, sweet girl, towards the sky, not on your shoulder." She coos, then readjusts you.

"Perfect, now let's work on your swing."

Natasha starts the machine up, and uses her body to rotate yours, allowing the first ball to come in contact with your bat, and repeating it a handful of times.

"Good, now let's see how you do."

Natasha stepped aside, setting the machine to intermediate, and watches your every move. As soon as the bat hit the ball, making the whooshing sound you'd dropped it and jumped triumphantly.

"Natty, I did —."

You groaned at the feeling of the softball hitting your abdomen, and the redhead watched you bending over in horror.

Great, she'd probably scared you away...

"Y/N... Are you okay?" She cautiously approached, and felt relieved when you just threw yourself in her arms in search of comfort.

"I'm okay Natty... Maybe just no more ball related sports for me."

"Sounds doable... Wanna leave to the next part of the date?"

"No, you paid for an hour, and I really want to see you take your turn."

Natasha smirked, then guided you to a chair before stepping up to the plate.

"Homerun!" You shout while clapping after the ball whizzes by you, and she giggles at your sudden enthusiasm.

Natasha returned the gear, and while she did you went and bought two water bottles.

"Here you are Natty."

"Y/N/N... This was supposed to be my treat..."

"It's a water bottle." You deadpan, and she defeatedly sighs while pulling you to the truck.

"Thank you..." She reluctantly whispers before shutting your door for you, then driving off to the next place.

It's silly, but the redhead just wanted to treat you to a full date all about servicing you, the water was harmless, and honestly a sweet gesture.

—

Your napping phase from when you were younger clearly never disappeared, because you had somehow drifted off for the twenty minute drive.

"Wow... Am I so uninteresting to you that you have to sleep to evade me?" She teases, as she jostles you awake.

"Natty, I require ten naps a day, you must remember this." You croak, as you stretch your entire body, then peep an eye open.

The lake—you hadn't previously noticed the picnic setup in the backseat, but now you were overtly excited.

"Thought we could eat some food Mama Melina made, and then watch the sunset."

You squealed in response, then pathetically crawled down from her truck, before resuming your giddy response and jumped around. Natasha just grabbed the picnic basket, then walked along the route to set it up, while she waited for you to catch up.

The night was spent mostly catching up, Natasha told you all about her first year here, and how she's excited to be able to guide you through yours. Her compliments of you never ceased, and you were pretty sure you were about to pop by how much she'd just inflated your ego. The two of you dipped your toes in the water, skipped rocks, talked about Yelena's crazy antics, and even brainstormed future dates.

"So, I got you a little something." She nervously sighs, and starts to fiddle with her fingers.

You gently linked your hands, smiling softly in an attempt to calm her, and it seemed to work as she matched your smile then handed the box over.

"Little? Natasha this is massive."

"Just open it..."

Inside the box was a heartfelt letter that nearly made you cry as you were reading it. Then there was a scrapbook full of photos from throughout the years, and there's honestly no way she'd just put it together. What really caught your eye though was the canvas painting of you and Boomer. It was in reference to your phone background, and it quite literally had you sobbing. The icing on the cake though was the kitten plushy, that resembled the calico in an uncanny way.

"Nat..."

"Shh, I just wanted to commemorate the little guy, and help you grieve if at all possible."

You launched into her lap, she caught you with ease, and just held you while you cried.

"Do you do this for all the ladies?"

She scoffs, then pinches at your sides.

"You're the only lady I've got my eyes on sweetheart..." She genuinely replies, and you smile to yourself at the confirmation.

"It's getting late, we should get you home before the clock strikes twelve." She jokes, then lifts you, and the items around her with ease.

—

Your pouty lip drove Natasha crazy when she'd pulled up outside your house.

"No... Don't go..." You whimper, obviously delirious from your exhaustion.

"I'll see you soon sweets, let me walk you to the door..."

She lifted you from the truck in a bridal hold, before gently settling you beside her, and allowing you to use her body for support. Once you'd reached the door you turned to face her with a sweet smile, then you leaned in to peck her cheek.

"Thank you for tonight Nat..."

"No, thank you for agreeing to go with me, I'd been nervous you'd shoot me down."

"Don't be silly Natty, I've been crushing on you for years..." You shamelessly admit, clearly a side effect of the exhaustion.

Natasha smiles at the admission, and chooses to make her departure before you admit anything else in your tired state.

"Well, glad I wasn't the only one." She muses, before returning your gesture, and kissing your cheek.

"Get home safe Natty..." You sternly state, and she nods your way.

—

"How was it?" Your mom coos from the couch, and you nearly jump out of your skin.

"Magical..." You dreamily state as you make your way to plop down next to her.

"Natasha's a good one, so I don't doubt it. She looks at you like you're the only person she can see, so I trust her. Just be cautious with your heart sweet girl, life has a funny way of even ruining the best of things."

"Thank you mama, I love you." You beam, before hugging her, then setting off for bed.

You turned on Heart Attack by Demi Lovato, and danced around your room while getting ready for. Once you'd finished your nighttime routine you jumped onto the mattress and texted your favorite redheads.

——————————————————————

Maxi 👯‍♀️

*AHHHH!!!!!*

~That good huh?~

*Yes! I can't wait to tell you all about it on Monday!!*

~I'm going to be sick, sorry ... 😳~

*I can always bring some soup over tomorrow, then heal you with my happiness. 😉*

~See you Monday, Goodnight 😴~

——————————————————————

Natty ❤️

*Hey Natty, did you make it 🏡?*

~Yes... I'm safe.❤️~

*Good!! Thank you for tonight, I had a really great time...*

~Me too! I can't wait to do it again next weekend.~

*Next weekend? 😯*

~Yes sweetheart, now get some sleep.~

*Goodnight Natty. 💕*

~Sweet dreams, angel. 😴 ❤️~

——————————————————————

You fell asleep with a wild smile on your face, as you clung to the cat plushy she'd gifted you.

•~~~~~~~~~~~~•~~~~~~~~~~~~•

—————————————————————

'Cause when you're fifteen and somebody tells you they love you

You're gonna believe them

When you're fifteen

And your first kiss makes your head spin 'round

But in your life you'll do things greater than dating the girl on the softball team

But I didn't know it at fifteen

—————————————————————

•~~~~~~~~~~~~•~~~~~~~~~~~~•

Every weekend since the first one she'd taken you out, and this weekend she'd taken you to the first football game of the season. Wanda had vetted her outside of said game, and she played along very well with the outlandish questioning. Wanda had also started dating Vision, even though you had warned her he was a douche; she decided to want to learn the hard way. So, you settled on just being prepared for her inevitable heartbreak.

Natasha and Vision rounded up the snacks, while you and Wanda took initiative in finding seats near the back. The intention was to mostly just talk, and cheer along with the others when the time came. Even with your bags beside you, many students had attempted to take residence there.

"Please, move away from my girlfriend." Natasha politely announced her arrival, and the fierce gaze was enough to send the kid running.

You smirked at her, accepting the slushie and hot dog while moving your bag to the footwell. Naturally, her arm rounded your waist from behind, and your head fell to her shoulder. Wanda and Vis had finished their food rather quickly, and resorted to making out beside you—you're almost certain this was Vision's idea.

Vision left mid game to tend to "important" business, which usually meant saving Tony from ruining the Stark name. That left Wanda a bit sad, and more importantly without her ride home.

"You're not too far from Y/N, so really, it's not a problem at all Wanda." Natasha announces to ease your friends embarrassment, and she settles your bags in her passengers seat so that you'd sit with your friend without feeling bad.

"Thank you..."

"No need to thank me, it's the least I can do."

She'd quietly driven to a McDonald's first to grab you all a kids meal, and your stomach erupted with butterflies at the sweet gesture. You had felt her tense at the game when Vision basically told Wanda they could share the tiny bag of popcorn and handed her a water cup.

After making sure Wanda made it inside, she turned to you with a sheepish smile, and you immediately climbed over and into the passenger seat.

"That was really sweet of you Natty, I'll pay you back..."

"Absolutely not."

"You never let me pay for anything..." You pout, and she resists the urge to lean over and kiss it right off your face.

"And I never will." She laughs out, as she pulls onto your street, and then her laughter fades into a sigh.

"Never say never, I'll get you some day." You giggled and she just rolled her eyes before parking the car and turning to face you.

"I don't wanna say goodbye yet." She whispers, and you gently stroke your thumb across her cheek.

"I'll see you tomorrow morning..."

"I know..." She sighs, as she makes the move to help you out of her truck.

She wraps her arm around your waist, and spins you out of her truck, your giggles, and the feeling of your breaths against her collarbones literally drive her insane as you hide your face in her neck. Once your legs touch the ground, you made no initial move to pull away.

Slowly, you'd pulled away, as you did so your nose ran across her jaw, and she shivered at the slightest of touches. Your doe eyes bore into hers, and you're not entirely sure who initially leaned in, but you're eternally grateful as your lips met hers for the first time.

There was a gentle passion to the kiss, as Natasha allowed you to take the control. This was her first time kissing someone she'd actually cared about, and it was your first time ever kissing anyone. There was no rush to it, no pressure behind it, just an innocent connection between two young women navigating the world of romance. She smiled into the kiss as she felt you pushing to continue, even though her mind was becoming dizzy from the lack of oxygen.

"Detka, we can't forget to breathe." She chuckled out against your lips, and you'd pulled back to finally take a breath.

"Well, now I really don't want to leave..." She groaned, and you laughed boisterously before leaning forward to briefly peck her lips.

"Don't worry, there will definitely be more where that came from." You quip, with a wink before heading into your house.

The both of you walked away with painful smiles on your faces, that simply didn't fade.

—

Natasha knew she definitely loved you after about a month into the relationship. She'd always had love for you, but the butterflies in her stomach had been a new occurrence and she can't get over the overwhelming feeling. Now, you're seven months in, and she's more than ready to say it.

You'd been sitting in the bleachers with Wanda dozing off on your shoulders when she caught sight of you. Her cheeks tinted red at the sight of you in her jersey from last season, with a number one foam finger on your hand, and a confetti cannon in the other. Her heart beat that much faster once you winked and blew her a kiss as she stood up at the plate.

She took a steadying breath, then tapped the home base before raising her bat to signal that she was ready. The pitcher threw the ball, and it went straight into the glove behind her. Strategically psyching the pitcher out, so that on the following throw she could hit it out of the park. Her teammates were on each base, and one by one they all made it home while the other team scrambled for the ball. She was running as fast as she could, opting for sliding herself across the gravel, and sighing as she heard 'SAFE'.

Her teammates crowded her, lifting her up, but her focus was solely on the shrieking coming from the bleachers. She smirked as she saw the Sokovian's angry expression, as you'd jumped up to cheer her on. Then in a picture perfect moment you'd ran out onto the field, where she caught you, and spun you around before bringing you into a bruising kiss, that merged into a warm embrace.

"GO NATTY!!!!" You beamed, as you pulled back, shaking the foam finger, and blasting the confetti all over her head.

You giggled at her attempted glare, and snapped photos without hardly paying attention to if they were steady or not. Natasha couldn't hold back anymore, so she surged forward to kiss you once more, throwing her arms over your shoulder, and holding your head firmly in place.

"Y/N, I-um... I love you..."

You gasped, and your eyes immediately filled with tears at the overdue confession.

"It's okay if you're not there yet, but I just couldn't hold back anymore."

Your lips met hers in a clarifying kiss, hoping that she understood your shared sentiments.

"Of course I'm there, I've been there since fifth grade Nat..." You laugh out over your nearly uncontainable sobs.

"Natalia Alianovna Romanoff, I love you too."

“Now that this lovey dovey crap is concluded, can we please go for pizza?” Yelena groaned, and you turned from lover to see your gaggle of friends stood impatiently waiting.

“Malen’koye Der’mo…”

(Little shit)

“I’m telling mama…”

“Then who will buy your pizza?” Nat quips, as she slyly flips her sister off.

You wrapped your arms around the sisters…

“Play nice…” You warned, and the two of them straightened up, as the lot of you loaded into Nat’s truck.

•~~~~~~~~~~~~•~~~~~~~~~~~~•

————————————————————

6,196 Words

Taglist:

@beenicejoy @d14n4ol

LISTEN THIS SHIT WAS NEARING 10K and I wasn’t even done… So, Part 2 will be out later tonight, hopefully you enjoy this first half. 🤪

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #463

“the siren sings a lonely song of all the wants & hungers  /  the lust of love, a brute desire”

Describe the person that you would like to be in three years. I want my mental health to be in great condition, I really want to be in much better physical shape, ideally be living with somebody in our own place, have a job I'm happy with, have an improved social life, my own license and car... Think back to when you first met your significant other (or ex). Was your first impression of them accurate? It's funny, I honestly don't remember what my first impression of Girt was. I don't even recall our first interaction. I'm sure it was most likely that he was friendly, because he is and always has been. What is your most noticeable personality trait? Probably that I'm really, really shy. What kind of natural disaster is most common where you live? Hurricanes. Which of your family members do you resemble the most? I guess one of my immediate sisters? People tend to say stuff like they can definitely tell we're related. Have you ever had an animal get into your attic? No. Who knows you better than anyone else? Hell, probably whoever reads these. When was the last time you started a “new chapter” of your life? I guess you could call dating Girt a "new chapter." I have a much, much stronger feeling of this attempt being more successful than the last now that I've been able to change my angle on how I see him. What’s the most expensive thing your car needed to get done? I don't have my own vehicle and never have. If you had a thousand dollars to spend on a pricey brand you like but can’t really afford (until now of course), which ONE brand would you choose? *shrug* Most products of highly expensive brands I find hideous anyway. Do you still talk to any of your old teachers? Yeah. One is a close family friend and actually our landlord. Does your family still use the home phone or are you all on cell phones now? We haven't had a landline is yeeeeaaarrrrsssss. Ever go to another school’s prom? No; my boyfriend went to the same school as me. Do you ever venture into the woods? What do you normally do there? No; we live in the city now. :/ When I DID live in the woods, I absolutely loved wandering around with my camera for stuff to take pics of. Does your significant other ever make you mix CDs? None ever have but omg I wish that would be adorable. How did you dress your freshman year of high school? I was one of them emo kids. Would you ever date your best friend of the opposite sex? WELP that's what I'm doing lol. Would you say you have a high sex drive or not so much? I'd call it normal? Higher sometimes, lower other times, but not to either extreme. Come with an unpopular opinion. Silent Hill: Homecoming is a great game and while there's a lot of fan service from the movie, it belongs in the series. It's actually my second (or third)-favorite installment. Most of the SH community absolutely hate that game. What’s the worst thing a friend has either done or said to you? A lot of shit Colleen would say if we got into arguments. She'd ridicule effects of my depression, said I'd never know what it's like to pay my own bills, stuff like that. She's hateful as fuck and everything cut deep. What’s fake about you? Like extensions, fake nails, botox etc. Nothing physical. If you got the chance, would you audition for a reality show? No. Have you ever gotten into a Facebook fight? More than once. What’s the cheesiest thing you’ve ever experienced irl? Hm, I'm unsure. Favorite flavor of jelly bean? Probably watermelon. Do you use Tinder? If yes, have you ever met up with someone you matched? No. You do you, but if I understand Tinder correctly, it just seems... really shallow to me. Like don't you JUST see their picture to decide if you're interested or not? It just enforces the false belief that appearance really matters in love. You just poured your heart out to your crush and all he/she does is respond “k”. What do you respond/do? Well, I don't have a crush anymore; my boyfriend and I literally exchanged "I love you"s last night. That's not a crush. But for the sake of the question, I'll imagine I was single and this happened, in which case I would be both hurt and annoyed. Like, either tell me you return the feelings or not. It's not hard. What's your favorite thing to order from McDonald’s? I usually get a quarter pounder w/ cheese or a McDouble, occasionally with a small or medium fry, depending on how hungry I am. When do you feel your sexiest? Never, hunny. What's your favorite emoji? I don't really have one? It just depends on what the situation calls for. What’s your skincare routine? I don't really have one... I just use a washcloth to clean my face. Who all out of your immediate family smokes? My dad and stepmom. Do you like incense or candles better? Incense, totally. Do you respect your parents? Yeah. What’s your bf/gf’s name? It's technically Donald Jr., but since high school, I've known him as Girt, a nickname I won't explain for his privacy. Do you wear glasses? Yeah. Do you like The Beatles? I honestly don't. Except "Hey, Jude." What was the last reason you got excited? Last night. When we were saying goodbye, I was scared to, but I told Girt I loved him, and he immediately said it back confidently. My heart did like five flips. I'm still over the moon about it. Yes, we just got back together, but we've been in each other's lives as a constant since HS, and after changing my angle of how I looked at him, it's not at all platonic anymore. Do you know anyone who drinks the pickle juice from the jar? Sara does alskdjfklwejrl;er Name something crazy that’s happened recently? Uhhhh... I dunno. My life is very uneventful to have something really "crazy" happen. Can you say for a fact that you’re happy right now? I'm happy about some things, but also nervous and self-doubtful. Have you ever zip lined? No, but they look fun. I'd just be really scared of losing my grip. If you broke your computer, would you be able to fix it on your own? Ha, no. Have you ever been on a boat and got sick? No, but the one time I was at the beach and on a boat riding to an island, I was TERRIFIED I was going to get sick because of the waves. I didn't, thankfully. Did you sleep well last night? For the most part. My new mask might just be working. Do your parents try and plan your life for you? Not at all. Do you have any pictures of you kissing someone? Yes. List two things about yourself that you find embarrassing. My weight and how dark my leg hair is. Do you like to cuddle with your pet when you are sad? Yes. Do you find piercing attractive or unattractive? h o t Do you have any secret hiding spots in your room? To put money, yes. Do you like parmesan cheese on your spaghetti? Ew, no. I don't like parmesan. Does your best girl friend have any talents that you don’t? Yeah. She can animate well, for one. And sing like a fucking champ. Do you have any video game systems in your room? Which one(s)? My Nintendo DS Lite is in here. Well, and my laptop is a gaming one. What color eyes does the last person you kissed have? ... Oh WOW I've known this man for a fuckin decade and somehow I'm not sure??? But I want to say light blue? Have you ever taken a ride in a helicopter? No. Have you ever visited hot springs? No. How slowly or quickly would you say you eat? I'm aware I eat too fast, because my mom will point it out almost without fail if we eat in sight of each other. I'm not a messy eater at all, just... fast. Chewing your food and swallowing isn't a complex task. I've made active efforts to slow down, I just haven't been able to succeed. It doesn't feel normal. That and I've come to discover that when I chew food TOO much, I don't like the mushy texture of it in my mouth. What did you do the last time you were with friends? Yesterday Girt and I planned to watch shitty Netflix anime for some laughs, but we wound up starting Attack on Titan, which I am officially pretty into. What kind of cologne/perfume do you like the opposite sex to wear? I don't care if they wear any or not, so long as they know how to clean themselves and therefore not actually smell bad. If you celebrate Christmas, do you get a real tree or an artificial tree? We always use a fake one. Is there someone who means a lot to you but they don’t know that? My sisters probably don't, really... Is money important to you? Live your whole life poor and I want to see you answer "no" to this. Have you ever watched a meteor shower? No. Do you like Slim Jims? LOOOOOOOVE them. Would you rather write a mystery or love story? Love story. Are you muscular? No. Working for it. Do you have one of those removable hand-held shower heads? Yes. Originally, this house didn't, but I hated it so much that Mom bought one. How many burners does your stove have? Four. Has your car ever been broken into? Mom's hasn't.

[starry-eyed-svt]

Basketball ~ Felix

Genre: Angstyish not really tho a bit of fluff

Requested: Yes

Anonymous said: hii i was wondering if i could request a protective/possessive felix x reader hs au where the reader is on the basketball team and he comes to watch practice but they have to practice with the boys team but one guy keeps hitting on her and getting really close to her and he gets possessive/protective and rescues (?) her i guess lol. thank youu 😊

Words: 620 

~Sorry it is so short!~

                                                     ____

You sat in the locker room of your high school with the rest of the girl’s basketball team. You were spaced out thinking of the date you and your boyfriend of over a year were going on after practice. You met Felix your freshman year in geography and struck up a friendship, during your sophomore year the feelings between you two grew.

“I can’t believe we have to play against the boys team.” one of your teammates muttered bringing you out of your day dream.

“Huh?” You asked, she turned to you and sighed.

“Didn’t you hear Coach? We’re having a scrimmage against the boys team in preparation for the game on Friday.” She said.

“Oh.” Was all you said.

You grabbed your water bottle and headed out. You didn’t mind playing the boys team, you knew you could take them. The only thing that bothered you was their captain in the grade above you that had his eye on you since you joined the freshman team. His name is Min-ho.

It’s not that he was a bad person, he was just extra flirty and didn’t respect boundaries.

You got out to the gym and spotted Felix in the bleachers. You smiled and waved, he sent you a wink.

“Ready to lose?” Min-ho asked you. Your gaze fell from Felix as you focused on Min-ho.

“Whatever lets get this started.”

You got in your position, and the coach blew their whistle starting the game.

Your team mate got the ball and passed it to you, you ran down the court and went to shoot it only to be blocked by Min-ho. You huffed as his team got the ball.

“Great.” You muttered, not only were you playing him but now he was blocking you.

Throughout the game he was all over you, time and time again uncomfortably pressed up against him. He wasn’t afraid to play hard and try to foul you.

You could hear Felix all the while with his friends calling out when there was a foul and booing at Min-ho’s actions.

You were frustrated but played your heart out nonetheless.

You had the ball and were about to make a basket when Min-ho bumped you from behind projecting you forward. You landed hard on your shoulder.

“I’m sorry, babe. Didn’t mean to bump you that hard. I could always make it up to you later.” He said crouching down next to you with a wink as he offered his hand.

“What the hell was that!”

Before you could process what was going on, Felix was beside you and had pushed Min-ho over as Jisung helped you up.

“Mr. Lee!” One of the coaches called running over, “Detention on tomorrow.” They finished.

Chris grabbed Felix’s shoulder only to have his hand shrugged off.

“Come on.” Felix said grabbing your good hand. You followed him as he took you to the nurses office to get ice for your shoulder.

“Why did you push Min-ho?” You asked.

“He hurt you, he’s been all over you the entire game. Everyone knows he wants you.” Felix grumbled.

“Yeah, well guess what everyone also knows?” You asked.

“What?” He asked.

“That I’m crazy about you.” You smiled, Felix chuckled.

“I know you trust me, and I know he’s a prick, believe me. But I don’t want you getting into trouble. You have nothing to worry about.” You said. Felix smiled and kissed you softly.

“There will be no kissing in my office.” The nurse called from her desk.

You giggled softly and bit your lip.

“How about that date?” Felix asked.

“Sounds good to me.” You smiled.

You appreciated that Felix was protective, and also that he knew how to respect your boundaries.

[discoveringenterprise]

“RYAN WHERE THE FUCK DID YOU GO?!” and other shit you might wonder

First off: I am so sorry for disappearing off of the face of the earth oh my god

Second off: I’m going on an indefinite hiatus as of Sundayish. Yes, you read that right, an indefinite hiatus. All the content on the blog will stay for our enjoyment, and I fully authorize use of my gifs anywhere and everywehre

Third off: if you’re struggling rn, shit gets better, PLEASE trust me on this.

TLDR of this post; I got better, so can you, and I’m heading out.

ENT GC: let me know if you want admin. Do what you want with the blog, and if you wanna make a new group chat, please do so since I won’t be around to add people.

How can I contact you/get your contact info before you go? Dallyn and Daphne have my contact info so if you ever need to reach me and I’m gone... yeah. Like I said, I’ll be heading out Sundayish, so I’ll periodically log in here if you wanna talk to me/get my info before I go.

What’s your actual name? That... that’s a long story, too. LMAO. Especially if you know me. DM me for the story if you know me.

Why are you leaving? So, as you guys know, I started college, which is completely and utterly whack. Everything is changed, everything is different and I have friends now? Like, WTF. I’ve been so wrapped up in work it took me forever to get on here after Dallyn texted me “your account got hacked” so... oops. I let everyone into the ent gc (oh my GOD i look back at that and have a love/hate relationship with it!) and let me know if you figure out a way to make admins on it??? I’m confused AF.

I’m going to be focusing off college and staying off Tumblr for a while. It was 2 am technically today and I was reading all my old posts like “jfc I was so depressed???” and now I’m just... not. I made friends, real friends, over the summer. People who understand and get it (and yes some of them are ent stans.)

Why did you disappear in May and why are you leaving again? Shortly put, and I don’t mean to sound mean, I made real friends. Real as in I will physically interact with them in real life (aka college friends). I kind of weaned off Tumblr slowly, and only kept going back for the ent gc (I LOVE YOU GUYS THOUGH!!!). And it kinda became a drag.

When I came back to Tumblr, it was like late January and early February. I’d just got out of the Instagram rping world and was so tempted to start one here, but I was scared and intimidated, and I’m glad I didn’t. Breaking off rp was the best thing I’d ever done for myself, and the best thing that this toxic girl ever did for me. My shitty mental health had been kinda dependent on this rp, it’s hard to explain, but I was being a jerk and kinda had been since freshman year with projecting my feelings onto my character’s and blurring the lines far too much between me and her. She was (and is!) still hella overpowered, hella perfect, and something that would absolutely never happen in canon.

Honestly, this whole situation was basically the lyrics to the song Clarity ft. Foxes by Zedd. I love that song, go give it a listen.

Point being, I got myself off of that once I realized. The problem had started in January 2017, ran through October 2017, and then took a hiatus until junior year but only started to really manifest itself in February 2019. And honestly, mainly when school started back, in September/October 2019 and lasted until January 4 when she and I had our last fight. (She messaged me again, later- here- and since making that post, we’ve ended things on neutral terms.)

So I came here. Tumblr. I’d been here in 2017 right after the OTHER rp ended, and I think Tumblr became my new outlet then, too. I was a baby in the middle of my freshman year then. And then there I was, coming full circle. As a senior in high school. I read all of my old posts about how I’d never make it, and there I was. I’d made it. The end of HS was in sight.

I straight up vibed through all of May. Now, I was slowly making friends in college already, but it only really took off in April and May, which is when I left. I focused more on those, building those connections. I loved you guys on Tumblr, I still do, but I was definitely going to meet these college friends. And as I pulled my head out of Tumblr, I got a job, an actual paying job , in June- and I was already gone.

As I looked back on my posts last night/this morning I was thinking “oh my GOD what the fuck” because jfc, Tumblr had turned into the place where I vented. And then as I got through the months, I became happier. The pandemic was around, duh, and I didn’t have as much school stressing me out, there wasn’t as much craziness around. I was free, I didn’t have people from high school to deal with, and I got better on my own.

YEAH, I was talking to a college guy. And yeah, that was nice, but it was more of a side thing. He was my friend, and he played me, but I learned to be myself. Learned to love Enterprise wildly and give absolutely no fucks.

And it is oh so nice to give zero fucks. It’s an amazing feeling. I hope everyone gets there someday. And yeah, I’ve had moments where people don’t like me, and moments where I’ve felt down, depressed. That’s not saying life is always perfect 100% of the time.

But what I’m trying to say is: it gets better. And to me, Tumblr was like a crutch. Sometimes you need it to help you stand, but when you think you always need it, and can stand on your own, that’s where the problem is. In May, I became confident enough to let the crutch go. And I’m thankful that I did that.

I still love you guys, everyone reading this post, the people that know me and are going to miss me. It’s not that I hate this website or anything- I just stopped using it as a crutch, you know?

Where can I read this crazy fanfic? DM me, haha. It’s the classic “self-insert but NOT a self-insert” fanfiction originating form a fifth grade idea, reformatted by my depressed fourteen-year-old self. And I wouldn’t change it for the world. Yes, it’s Star Trek.

I also have one for the girl’s relative, too, which IMO is much better. She’s less overpowered, more of a real human being.

So why mention the fanfic and RP? It’s weird; I’ve come full circle. I wanted to be this perfect girl, and then I planned how she’d finish her story (and I’m finishing it. I am, I promise, because she’s a part of me that I wouldn’t trade for anything). As I’ve taken a break from the E/AP-verse (my public nickname for it haha, someone found out here) I’ve realized again, I came full circle.

All I wanted back then was to be happy and I thought a guy would do it. Popularity, a bunch of friends, a “hot body” (btw FUCK BODY SHAMING and you’re all perfect) and all that BS that the media tells you. What really gives you happiness (or at least me)? Confidence. The fact that I know I have friends I can count on here. Yeah, a relationship is nice, but complete yourself before you get into one.

And when I planned my OC’s ending back in February, that’s what she got. She’s married in my head now, to her (and my!) perfect guy, but the important part is that she’s happy, and she’s herself before she got married. Before she got in her relationship.

So, yeah. I think that covers it. In all honesty, if you have more questions, send them to the ask box and I’ll tag them and all this as “ry’s goodbye” and update my nav page. It’s 12:39 AM so please excuse any typos!

Bye, guys. For now, at least.

I love you.

[2telluthetruth]

before i watch some shit i gotta know how the story ends. if not, ima critically analyze the whole movie until i figures it... it usually takes me 30 minutes to figure out the whole plot but that’s besides the point. knowing the ending of a movie allows me to pay attention to alll the little things leading up to the end. the directors choice in lighting, the way that certain actor did a certain movement to portray a certain feeling, setting, like camera work, basically everything i just the last 4 years of my life studying get applied to my enjoyment of a film. 

I wish life was like that... you get to like google how it all ends for you. like what will happen in your life all the way to the end. you can always have what you envisioned for yourself, your plan, your schedule of things but then life has a funny way of letting you know that shit happens. and you learn whatever it is you need to from that incident, apply the lesson, and keep going. it’s actually pretty simple. like looking both ways before you cross the street and still almost getting hit by a car because a person felt the need to speed thru an intersection because maybe he had a family emergency or he had too much to drink. regardless life will thro curveballs, ain’t that fucked up? like bitch. lemme read my book of life so i can move accordingly. but i guess that’s not fun anyways because God would just tell us what to do and there would be no free will. and we all know how people hate being told what to do with there life from a higher up lmao

....but idk none of this shit really applies to me. I guess I’ll just share my testimony here since I'm only people who really give a fuck about me would give a fuck about this post. ( Which i recently found out is ME, i’m the only person who opinions/decisons matter when it comes to me life)

SO HERE IT GOES

Since a child, I always knew i was going to be a very wealthy person. I’m smarter than my peers, i’m stronger than my peers, and way more wiser than most of people i meet. It’s very rare I met a person who’s intellect is as diverse as mine in terms of emotional knowledge and regular book smart shit. Like i’m sort of a hood intellectual, but like different because my Dad is a foreigner who comes from i guess what you would call a decent background, My grandfather was an engineer in Germany lmao. Like wtf. That’s very hard to do. Them mfs got some history of disrcrimnation if you know what I mean. And another ancestor of mine on my father side was adopted by the priest of a missionary because he was so smart, hence why my last name has french origins. and you know what i found out this year during my research dives on the different religions in the world..

There is a Saint in the catholic religion named St. Malo and his birthday is the same birthday as mine. He’s french as well. LMAO SO like i said I AM BUILT DIFFERENT. But that’s not what i really wanted to go talk about so let’s talk about how I’ve always knew I am dying a extremely rich woman. First of my name type shit.

So yeah. 

I LOVE PERFORMING AND PUTTING ON A SHOW OKAY! SINCE BIRTH!

I’m not even dramatic. I remember dancing in front of my family all the time.   Ask my auntie teena and she’d tell ya I would dance in front of anybody at any place in a drop of a dime. There’s literal footage of me dancing at every function at BayBay (Vivian) house. Lmao I still dance with all my family members at the bbqs I attend. Dancing really is my shit.

 Singing is too.

 I remember going to church with my daddy, some spot in LA/ the Jamaican jawn with uncle Jerry, and singing “Because of who you are” in front of everybody. No fucks given, And i kid you not I felt the holy ghost. That’s the best feeling in the world. Happened to me a couple times but I’ll tell ya bout it later some day when it matters. i remember one time coming home and singing and HITTING THAT HIGH PITCH ASS MARIAH CAREY NOTE! ( we got the same birthday too)

and i always loved music. the only time i didn’t cry was in my daddy cars listening to the reggae and bass booming thru the fucking trunk. 

During school I remember performing all the time. School plays, I got the lead role. School assembly, I’m putting on a show. Shit even for my 5th graduation I choreographed the whole MJ we are the world dance routine. Lol for hispanic heritage month I always was the girl who had the authentic skirt for the folklore dance. it was black and red. Very pretty. Mrs. Sanchez was enamored with me girl. She was like your the star you gone be centerstage in the middle only black girl while everyone else wonder why your on stage lmao. We were so good we entered a competition and got a trophy. 

Basketball was fun. I do not like team sports so that ain’t work out. Plus i think i suck. Well I couldn’t have been that bad because in middle school I made the All City team. I didn’t play because my hair wasn’t done I kept the jersey though LMAO. They was hot. HS was whatever. Lowkey only did it because of the niggas and cheer was boring/got too intense for me. I had commitment issues back then like crazy lmao.

Track was fun too. Made championships when I ran. Heart really wasn’t into to it if I’m keeping it G-Real. Didn’t fuck with the track meets plus the girls on the team hated me. I was always with the guys but the weren’t like the guys i hung out with all the time. them niggas was squares, homeschooled and all that. i hung out with delinquents lmao. Shit they always more fun. I know why Jesus hung out with the sinners mmkay. They loyal and know how to have a good time.

In middle school, I won a poetry contest about this poem I had about being a tree and not falling despite what happens. I also got like  award for being the top 3% of scoring in the whole district a couple times. Moms got me a iPod touch lmao.

High school ASB President, got accepted into more than 20+ colleges, in AVID. Cheer team. Basketball team. My drama Teacher, Mrs. Borek called me the baby Viola Davis. I directed and produced my own play lol. Boy, when I graduated I was on stage with admin and faculty. 

But anyways overall, 

I’ve always been the cream of the crop in any arena I apply myself. And I’ve never ever experienced a situation where I’ve been down bad that I didn’t plot and maneuver my way out of it (besides the shit that happened this year 2020 but i’ll give my 2020 review later ). I’m continuously blessed. Even when  I shouldn’t be. 

In elementary, I could’ve caught a case because I punched this boy in the head and he hit the tetherball pole then the floor. Buddy was knotted up lmao

In elementary school during after school day care I banged this girl head on the table and a pole lmao. 

In the carmelitos i gave this girl the business at auntie meanies house. Abri said beat her ass so I did. Trust me daddy, I’m always on go lmao. Her family was from some type of hood. They ain’t retaliate. 

Middle school I was beating boys up after school never got in trouble. LMAO None of the girls wanted to fight with they scary ass. 

High school I did the dumbest shit freshman year but didn’t get suspended. \bro i’m tired. i’ll tell the rest later.  but closing statement life’s a gamble for people who don’ t know the code. once you figure out your role play to the best of your ability and pray to God to constantly look out for you. *  4:48 

[lonely-xplr]

I'm 22 years old and I never ever had a romantic relationship with anyone. I never kissed someone or even held hands. I had a few crushes on guys, but I would not act on it bc I felt like I they were out of my league. In 2018 I moved away from home for college and in with a guy I didn't know before. In the beginning I didn't even see him as a love interest for me, bc he wasn't exactly my type. However, I still caught feeling somehow after a few months living together, bc he was the first guy who would actually talk to me about other things than school. I'm like this meme with the butterfly where it says someone is nice to you ohh he must like like me. I know it's pathetic. I also never acted on my feelings, bc firstly I didn't want to ruin things and move out bc I liked my place and I guess I'm scared of rejection. He moved out last year anyway bc he finished college and got a job somewhere else, I think he knew I liked him bc sometimes I can't be subtle enough. He never said anything tho, he promised to stay in touch but I never heard from him again. I knew that would happen bc he's a horrible texter and idk if we were even friends. Like I said I'm kinda pathetic. I guess I'm just afraid to get in a relationship bc I already think about the end before it even begins. I don't want to get my heart broken, plus I'm not ready yet, I have to take care of myself first. But yeah I feel rather lonely most days especially now at this time of the year and with Christmas coming up. Maybe there's also something wrong with me idk maybe. I know it sounds bad but for example my friends have all those crazy guy stories every time they go out bc they get catcalled, this also never happened to me and then I think I'm not even pretty enough to get catcalled so no wonder why no guy likes me (like I said it sounds so absurd). Or another time at my prom (well not technically prom bc we don't do this where I live). I had to ask a guy to be my dance partner for the opening dance bc nobody asked me. It took me 3h to get ready I felt really pretty when I left my house but when I arrived everything was horrible. The guy ignored me the whole time he only complimented my friends, while I stood next to them. Needless to say I wanted to go home asap, it's been years but I still think of that.

Idk if this is even helpful to you I guess I just wanted to rant (you don't have to answer this)

i’m totally fine with rants and i appreciate you sharing this. i can relate to a lot of the same feelings and i’m sure a lot of other people can too. you know, when i was in hs, i was so afraid of rejection and opening up romantically that i would self-sabotage. it didn’t happen often, but if a boy told me he liked me or asked me to a dance, i’d say no even if i liked him back. those were my first experiences with having mutual interest with guys, so i was scared out of my mind!

in freshman year, i had a small friend group and i liked one of the guys. i didn’t think he felt the same, but one day he asked me to homecoming. i was happy and wanted to say yes, but fear got in the way, so i said no. after that he stopped talking to me and found a new friend group; that hurt because i really cared about him and enjoyed his company. it was only until the end of senior year that i opened up to a guy and we dated for a few months, but that ended up being a bad relationship (if you’d even call it that lol.)

anyway, i know what you’re feeling, i’m 22 and haven’t had my first kiss either. sometimes i wish i could just get it over with, but when i really think about it, i’m fine with waiting. i don’t want to give into societal pressures with something that means so much to me (i’m a hopeless romantic 💀). i tell myself that we all have our time; there’s no rush to find love. it should come naturally and it’s worth the wait. we’ll all find our partners one day; some of us just have to wait longer than others, and that’s okay. 🙏🏼🖤

[2ugars]

ੈ♡˳ high school senior!hyuck + soccer player!hyuck all in one!!!!

ps - the high school that i’m basing off their high school is mine, which is an international american curriculum high school that has like . a very small hs population.

a lovable and troublemaker senior who interacts quite a lot w his underclassmen — a bit too much than what’s probably considered necessary

he’s always been loud n friendly even before senior year but for some reason it? sky-rocketed?

like

u would expect seniors to stop tryin to make friends n stuff because they’ll have to leave for college at the end of the year nyways……

but NOPE

donghyuck’s a whole other species so he. .

makes friends .

A Lot of them

some of them r accidental on the other person’s part

there was this one time where hyuck forgot his pencil case and he was asking around

and some guy in junior year was like Here u go!!!!give it back to me after school or smth :)

as promised,, donghyuck Forgot to give it to him after school but he DID give it back the morning after w a bunch of teabags

donghyuck: some tea 2 relieve ur stress! also !!!!!!!      U r invited to my bday party :)

donghyuck: and my future wedding

donghyuck :D

junior: Whjat

hyuck’s that one senior who somehow knows everyone’s names?

he’s crazy

the type to say people’s names whenever he converses w them

he does it to seem closer nd to put them at ease? in a way?

has a unique handshake w 75% of the high school population

how does he remember all of that

muscle memory???????? who knows at this point

someone raised their hand during class and he flinched in his seat because he Really Wanted To Do The Handshake w them

he wouldn’t call it popularity, how a lot of people know him

“they’re just . familiar w me,” he would tell jeno

“that’s called popularity u idiot”

“n .   No”

it takes him a while to let it sink in that he IS popular but he still doesnt like to call himself that since he thinks it’s awkward nd a lil off-puttinng

so he just calls himself annoying in the end lmao

“i realized,” he rells renjun one day, “that i’m most likely the most annoying senior ever. more than mark was, even, and that’s saying a lot!”

renjun hums to show that he’s listening when, really, he’s not

“it’s the perfect plan,” donghyuck continues. “i get all of them to love me this year, and when i leave, the entire secondary school will have no choice but to mourn my absence—“

“was that your plan all along?” jaemin interjects with a laugh

“of course not. the kids love me without me having to try much. but it’s a pretty good plan! i could pass it down to chenle, or something.”

renjun later tells chenle to continue to never listen to hyuck

chenle, although puzzled, agrees

hyuck’s in varsity boys’ soccer as midfield

what u would call a hidden leader

was originally appointed captain by the coach but turned it down almost immediately

Hates disappointing people

especially people who are depending and relying on him

he isn’t sure he’s ready for that much weight, being an official leader

however when the ream found out he turned down the position of captain, they made him vice-captain next to sunwoo

donghyuck: “i won but at what cost”

mood maker of the team

screams a lot on the bench in the times when he’s pulled from the field to take a break

“U GO FELIX”

“LOOK AT MY BOYS GO!?!??!?!?!”

“OOF them THIGHS”

“JEEOOONNGGGIIIIINNNN that’s my little boy. Wow. i think im tearing up”

does this not only in games but in practices !

hes quite a chatterbox

please shut him up

i’m kidding please don’t

“look alive guys!!!!!! last one to run ladders buys sushi!!!!!!”

usually ends upbeing the last one

he says he does it on purpose

he’s lying he hates running ladders

“SPREAD OUT I NEED YALL LIKE A SMOOTH LAYER OF BUTTER ON TOAST! THAT MEANS NOT CLUMPED!”

he joked that if it weren’t for soccer, he’d be on the cheer squad

won mvp in junior year and the sportsmanship award for three years running

NOT ONLY DID HE WIN SOME SPORTS AWARDS.......

HHE ALSO WO N!!!!!!!!the hearts of the middle school boys’ soccer team

it’s because he’s the coach assistant during the ms soccer season

he started coaching in his freshman year

surprisingly gets shy when the boys, in all their wide-eyed awe n wonder, call him Coach Donghyuck

“nnnnnnnNNNNNOOOO O OO O  Dont say that call me hyuck instead omg plwase.  NO SIAN DONT CALL ME COACJ NO”

to hyuck’s confusion and jaemin’s pure delight, hyuck’s managed to steal the hearts of the middle school girls’ soccer team as well??

he took some chopsticks from the school cafeteria because he forgot his own at home

when he finished eating lunch, he didn’t want to go all the way to the tray drop-off since it was so far from where he and the dreamies sat

and renjun’s being more annoying than usual that day and is purposely making hyuck to hurry the HECK up so that they could do some modern language homework

of course, hyuck is lazy and doesn’t want to walk that far, renjun, gosh dan g it

so he goes to a middle school girl he’s had a few random, short convos with in his bus and... .. .

“hi louise! is it okay if i place my chopsticks here for you to take it to the tray drop-off?”

the young girl startles but at the sight of donghyuck, she smiles brightly. “oh, hi, coach!”

her greeting sparks up excited hi’s and hello’s from the other girls that donghyuck acknowledges with a smile of his own

(he doesn’t bother correcting them about the title)

(he knows that no matter how many times he’ll gently scold them into not calling him coach, they’ll still persist without fail)

(so he takes it in, albeit reluctantly and with his ears turning red every time)

“that’s totally fine!” louise says.

“thaaank you!” he sings, placing it neatly beside her plate. “you’re the best. see you in practice!”

and honestly

the reason why the middle school girls love him is because he stayed after school to study one day

and when he was done, he watched one of their games that was on the home field

he was on the sidelines shouting encouragements and generally just . Screaming his lungs out

you could probably imagine how the opponent team wa s thoroughly confused as to who the boy was and why exactly he was shrieking bloody murder

after the team won, he walked over to their team huddle and, after asking permission of their coach, gave them high fives and praised them and gave them light-hearted pointers before giving them a huge HUGE smile

yeah

apparently that’s enough to have a whole armada of boys and girls willingly take your chopsticks to the tray drop-off after lunch

he likes to brag about it every once in a while

anyways hyuck is just

a really good and nice senior

who the underclassmen respect and appreciate lots

when the seniors graduate, hyuck hides his tears by laughing so much

like it’s kind of concerning how much he’s laughing renjun thinks the boy’s going to choke on his spit at this point hyuck please sto p laughign

NOTHING FUNNY IS EVEN HAPPENING HYUKC PELAS E

like hyuck started laughing when the closing speech of the graduation ceremony begun

the boys thought it was because he probably farted or heard someone else fart since he was trying so hard not to make a sound

liek all you could hear coming from hyuck was wheezing and little hiccups

and jaemin, who was sitting next to him, had to pinch hyuck’s thigh constantly with how violently he’s shaking with silent laughter

hyuck was covering his face the entire time and jaemin, widely grinning, finally pried his hands away

only his grin slowly wavered when he saw the other boy’s face

jaemin: “oh”

renjun: “what do you mean oh? the teachers are looking at us, we might not even be able to graduate if he keeps laughing, shut him u—”

there wwere tears staining hyuck’s cheeks and snot was basically running down his nose and he was laughing like a maniac and oh no, he’s losing it, renjun get tissues, what the actual HEK

the closing speech ended with a new tissue box emptied and a tissue rolled up into hyuck’s left nostril

the others were crying, too, but they were smiling

jisung approached them with wet eyes and the same awkward stance where he keeps his hands clasped in front of him and hyuck tearfully joked that he looked like That Meme and made jisung cry instead of laugh and chenle started laughing because of it but ended up crying too

HAHAHAH THE SE BBOYS BEIN CRYBABIES (imcrygin too at the thought of this i love ht em. s o mmmcuhhchl)

hyuck couldn’t help but pull the dreamies into a hug before he gets swallowed by their arms, affections, and surprisingly, their smooches

“ABOUT TIME Y’ALL PUNKS RETURNED MY LOVE”

[bi--jedi]

koneko-rambles replied to your post “koneko-rambles replied to your post “koneko-rambles replied to your...”

Oh man I have many Opinions about the purity police, mainly because I’m frequently one to engage in legit dark stuff, and suddenly I’ve got these kids all on my case for shipping a 19 year old with a 24 year old? Kids, settle down. At least have conniptions about something actually dark maybe? Idk I’m too old for this nonsense.

Ughhh like I’m definitely not gonna be mad at someone for asking people to tag actually questionable content (rape/non-con, dub-con, abuse, violence, etc.) but it gets super crazy honestly. Yeah, I’ve seen very similar complaints and I’m just like...???? 24yo and 19yo are both adults legally and easily may both be in college together. I am SUPER young compared to most people at work so is it icky if I’m with a coworker that’s ~FIVE WHOLE YEARS~ older? I wasn’t even 21 when I started professional school, dude. Most of my classmates were in their late 20s and older. To me, it depends wholly on the circumstances and maturity of the people involved (hard to define by a number, as most of us figure out)---like a 25-year-old HS teacher being involved with their 18yo student is much more questionable than a 19yo college freshman dating a 24yo college senior who took a gap year. People seem so detached from real life sometimes.

I have zero problems with dark fic as long as it’s tagged appropriately. I totally understand that people may want to avoid it. But this false equivalency like writing it makes it seem like you’re ok with it is so weird like is every author who wrote a murder mystery saying they’re OK with murder? And like, it’s only ok if the “bad guy” gets “punished appropriately” in the end? WHat??? Fiction is nOT reality for cripe’s sake. 

Haha nah I mean I’m 26yo and I was 100% like the 12-yo on the forum too. My first encounter with ~sexually explicit~ fanwork was in the Star Trek fandom and has become known as the ‘candy cane story’ (this object was used in the ~preparation~ scene 🤦‍♀️) amongst the friends who were around me at the time. I was so embarrassed but back then I had no idea what “lemon” and “slashfic” meant so I clicked anyway and OOP. I thought for sure my parents would just know and I was scared for weeks. I actually had a computer in my room at the time (GASP) but I was only allowed on it for one hour with the door open at all times. (And only if my dad wasn’t expecting a work call, ya know, because dial-up). 

For a good while I was on FFN and AO3 together, and only published my best stories on AO3 lol. I seem to only get into the popular ships once the frenzy dies down and then it’s still like screaming into the void and hearing only quiet echoes in return. Of course, the fic I usually write is on the less-popular end of the scale (I usually post 90% one-shot PWP), but yeah I know what you mean.

[sn0wblinded]

questions 1-98 ( go big or go home ;) )

ya killin me hollis );

1. Unfortunately, I am 5′1, pros to anybody who wants a nugget for a gf or friend

2.  Body type? uh I suppose slim and slender with an hourglass shape

3. Favorite part of my body would have to be...erh...uh...my eyes? I love the shape of them just wish I had blue or green eyes :(

4. HAH my hair color now is NOT my natural hair color loll I have naturally crazy dark brown hair where it’s almost black but I love blonde in the summer so catch me in the fall for my dark roots ;D

5. Um I’d say it depends where I am and who I’m with as to whether I’ll be shy or outgoing, typically I’m shy until I feel comfortable enough to be myself, or unless someone gets enough drinks in me hahah

6. Uh I’d say I’m probs more on the femme side, like I luvvv getting dressed up and looking super pretty if I’m not sitting on my ass being lazy af. 

7. Super duper smol bean

8. Hands down I’d be a wine mom

9. Hmmph weird habit? Uh I’ll mouth whatever someone is saying as they are talking, even sometimes before they say the next word and I don’t even know I’m doing it. I catch myself doing this watching shows or movies and I hateeee it. “How do you know what I’m saying??” is the usual response *rolls eyes* 

10. OOOHHH my fav meme would have to be the one with the baby orangutang and her crazy hair bc she’s a hot mess and I’m a hot mess ._.

11. who doesn’t sing in the shower???? the acoustics man, i’ll give my SO a full-blown concert w/ an encore. will it sound good tho?? who knows

12. um I’d love to go full Merida and learn how to use a bow and arrow tbh

13. I was never a theatre kid :( I wanted to be in HS 

14. I’ve never seen a broadway musical but def something on my bucketlist

15. Musicals are kinda cheesy but that’s what I love about them

16. I’ve never been a part of a protest or march, but will def be in the future when given the chance

17. My fav Cards Against Humanity Card would probs be “What is Batman’s guilty pleasure?” love having a good giggle at the responses

18. The last movie I watched...that I can think of was Final Destination 2 and was reminded why I can be paranoid af about some stuff LOL

19. Uhh preferably not behind or infront of the camera, not photogenic and my hands aren’t steady enough to take decent photos BUT I’d love to do photography if I had any skill in it

20. If you know me, like come on, F.R.I.E.N.D.S. 

21. just listen to Snowblinded by Kill Hannah nuff said

22. Uhh I joined tumblr back in 2011 my freshman year of HS bc I wanted to release my teenage angst, and then I left after a few years and came back this year:) Luckily my OG url was still available

23. Um you know 

24. Most people love chocolate and I hate it loll Fight me pls ;P

25. Narcotics? Nope sowwe

26. HAH expose me much?? hahah Def not a virgin lemme say that ^-^

27. Um my neighbors little brother caught her and I kissing underneath her sheets when I was a super duper smol bean, technically wasn’t bad but we couldn’t do it anymore:/

28. Oof idk what the funniest lie is that I told... omg 

29. Hmm... expression through words...take a guess what that passion is 

30. My best friend is one the most supportive and loving people I’ve ever met and I love her to death

31. Um lemme keep my secrets ;)

32. I’m super tired but also feeling really motivated so it’s kinda conflicting but oh well das my life

33. My biggest fear is probably ending up alone (amongst a few others)

34. I Like Me Better by Lauv

35. The best decision I’ve made in life thus far was deciding that I’m going to start love being myself regardless of societal expectations and internalizing everything because of the fear of others judgements etc. This is my life and I plan on living it up the best way possible.

36. Um who hasn’t? Failure always leads you one step closer to success

37. I fantasize about finding someone whose soul fits perfectly w/ mine

38. I cried the other night but happy tears bc I no longer have to hide who I am

39. A meme I was sent in a group chat

40. Mm...maybe..my lips are sealed 

41. A few of my closest friends

42. Uh every single day at the end of my last relationship

43. I’ve started to realize who my true friends are, and people’s true intentions

44. Submissive AF, but a lil control here and there isn’t bad

45. I’ll only date you if you’re okay w/ eating lots of pasta and long jam sesh’s

46. Preferably someone my age or a little bit older, but if I click with someone a year or two younger than me then whatevs :)

47. um I’d describe my crush but it’d be a dead giveaway LOL

48. any kinks? oh sweetie.. I’m not as innocent as this halo may make me appear ;P

49. First thing I notice in someone, physically would be their eyes, personality-wise would be their sense of humor.

50. Best way to win my heart is to bond over music

51. Uhh wow like allll the time LOL

52. Once again, like alllll the fucking time *rolls eyes*

53. Oh I plead the fifth on this one 

54. Trust is a big thing for me, but I usually know right off the bat now if I can trust somebody or not

55. Um no bc anybody I like lives miles and miles away >_>

56. Confidence is hot, not cute, hot. Make me swoon. 

57. My heart would probs ache 

58. If you can’t make me laugh we won’t even be close to dating loll

59. Uh no and I’m sure they will never have a clue bc I’m shy af about my feelings 

60. ...too many storytimes there

61. Hopefully one day I marry the love of my life

62. Pleading the fifth bc I’m stuck between a couple 

63. Turn ons: Whisper in my ear, light touches, and cute messages (keeping things on the cleaner side (; )

64. Hate is a strong word, so Trump 

65. Babygirl melts my heart but so does sweetheart and princess

66. Charlies Angels hands down...

67. Oof... intimidating in a sexy and intriguing way? Hell yes, but I love a kind soul

68. Somebody who truly loves me for me and is always up for adventure, and has an impeccable taste in music.

69. I tend to like whoever I like :P

70. HAH good one

71. The first person I came out to was my sister, a few years ago, and it went alright I guess until we had a heated argument and yeah...but I came out to her again recently and it’s helped us grow closer together.

72. I have a quite a few friend who are and luvvv them all

73. um....ya

74. Oof...I honestly can’t remember

75. Maybe later, this is already wayyyy too long.

76. I used to but I’d say it takes a lot more for me to fall IN love

77. Yeah so let’s not talk about it :3

78. Good at hiding my feelings? Uhhhhhh

79. Forgiving? I’ll forgive but I never forget who has hurt me.

80. Uh...I have quite a few, want the whole list? LOL

81. Whichever one would comfort both of us in the moment

82. I like a girl that’s taller, even if it’s just by a little bit. Honestly it doesn’t take much with how smol I am :[

83. Um can I have both? Hugs and kisses pls k thx

84. Be twirled :3

85. Um both mmmff

86. I love forehead kisses, but if you wanna make me melt into a puddle neck kisses are the way to go.

87. I’d do either or, kinda hard for me to choose which one more.

88. Depends on my mood, love me some soft kisses but bet your ass I’m always down to makeout

89. If I’m feeling the need to be cute hug around the neck, if I’m being a lil more touchy then hugs around the waist

90. I used to contemplate my sexuality constantly because of growing up in a religious family and internalizing everything, but without a doubt I’m 100% confident in my sexuality. This is me, take it or leave it baby ;)

91. Uh I blush and get a massive load of butterflies, feeling like I’m on cloud nine etc. I’ve liked people and just felt comfortable and never had butterflies and such but FUCK do I love feeling giddy and happy all over from just the mere thought of them. 

92. Yes, typically that’s how it starts out with me and it ends in either of two ways, mutual or I embarass tf outta myself 

93. I had my first kiss with a girl when I was 7, and man did I never want to stop. But, I knew for certain that I really liked girls when I was in sixth grade and wanted to watch any and everything that contained wlw content, hoping and wishing to have that one day.

94. Be myself? LOL

95. Ohmygosh... favorite lesbian ship... Laura/Carmilla, Alice/Robin (OUAT), Yorkie/Kelly (San Junipero)...these are only a few of a long list

96. The most aggravating thing that’s personally been said to me about my sexuality would be between being told this is all temptation and comparing it to acts of disgusting scum of human beings(pedos and adulterers), and also being told it’s only a phase... I can’t roll my eyes hard enough

97. Um like probably a few minutes ago :3

98. Love is being completely comfortable in being who you are around someone, and loving the good and bad parts of each other. 

If anyone actually reads up until this point I just gotta say...I’m sorry LOL 

and you’re a trooper

[unproduciblesmackdown]

weird to think back on things like the funky experience of being The All A’s/B’s gang and then The All A’s person during middle school and the Smart Kid designation cuz we all have a godawful time within the k-12 education system and also in Higher Education / academia as well and the setup isn’t like, good for anyone though natch between the “lack of attention / occasional positive attention” and “frequent / negative attention” ends of the experience the former is preferable; apparently weird to have been Good Student passing b/c again idk i have good retention and could memorize shit in homeroom for a quiz that day and that was great b/c actually i had godawful / nonexistent study habits and actually basically hated school and did anything last minute and all but like whatever, i could figure out / understand and remember shit more efficiently / faster than usual so like, idk, i’d get wild results ig. and anyways yeah Smart Kid throughout all of k-12 but like, although i don’t think i’m Not smart in any way, it’s like, but no i hated school and never really tried, that inferred correlation wasn’t there but like also there’s the weird Presumed Identity for you. and it Was weird b/c idk i was like, okay? “perpetually nebulous / imprecise / uncertain sense of identity” gang out here and i’m like hmm okay Am i “the good grades getter?” and then apparently you are cuz like welp that’s the Expectation, and also in my case i was also in the “oops let’s minimize ptsd party” gang of Gotta Get As/Bs motivation..............the point is like, it’s funny how despite that concept of what The A’s Getter is, by now i’m like oh but that’s not even like, my Main Thing, much less my Whole thing. my main thing is that i get wildly interested and passionate about stuff and when i’m really about shit i’m So about it and into it and all that yknow. and it’s like, would be cool if i hadn’t had to like, first fight past this arbitrary Assigned Box to even start to figure out what i’m Really like. but Schools aren’t out here about like allowing for people to be varied individuals and shit. plus, weirdly i’m not sure if i hadn’t had that “Positive” Label to supplant any others that my autistic ass would’ve been largely left alone as much as it generally was............even I didn’t get through middle school w/o some light bullying peppered in there but hey for the most part i got by. and like, i remember 15 was a time for a wild Agonizing Spike cuz that was the point i was having to try to settle on a college major and i was like bitch i don’t know!!! for starters how is every 19 / 20 y.o supposed to know!!! but like litchrelly a year and a half ago my ass was in middle school and barely had any opportunities to individually choose what to pursue, and even if i Had an interest i would sometimes assume if it didn’t seem like The Smart Kid choice i would just assume that like, my interest would only be Allowed to go so far. so yeah i’m 14-15 for the first time having a little breathing room and allowed to pick out my own shit and investigate various stuff (cuz of the luck of getting to live on campus aka parents are Not around and i can be around for more than just Classes) and yet like, that wasn’t enough time to suddenly Fully Realize The Whole Of My Own Identity And What My Actual Passions And Life Goals And Etc Are. plus i kinda remember that i figured i’d flunk out and so was kinda Not spending freshman year expecting to actually be able to do this college thing.....so yeah i always distinctly remember the Stress of sophomore year with this Timer counting down of “gotta declare a major oh god” and trying somehow to Realize What I’m Even Like (i did partially lmao outside of the Academic aspect of it) and obviously like, that’s a Lot.......................plus it was kind of doomed anyways cuz i do remember that when i even mentioned the fact of like “hey what if i majored in ______ [cuz i’m evidently actually like thinking social issues are what i’m thinking i could dedicate my attention to, i’m 15 idk trying to figure this shit out]” and it got immediately brushed off cuz of my mom’s assumptions about what i was like based on my being Smart(tm) and my not wanting to tell my parents about anything Actually about myself by that point so that was like..........well cool to know that that’s not an option for me anymore thanks to immediate dismissal........................like i totally remember that by sophomore year i was def Swiss Idol and “i don’t have a clue what to major in” was a big part of that 9_9...............and like, doing college early is kinda crazy but also Not having high school to mayyyybe figure things out for a bit before hurtling towards Declare Major at 92384 mph is like, would it have helped? who can say. but for example, i know Now i’m a theatre gay, and the limited number of friends-ish i made at college was basically all theatre gays what a surprise, but i myself didn’t ever touch that because i had No direct experience with it, because middle school didn’t have that extracurricular, and then being dropped into hs with people who did? i was like fuck i’m not auditioning for shit i really don’t know how to do. i’m not even Supposed To Be Here goddamn!! i can karaoke avpm in the first floor lounge that’s IT!! fuckin r.i.p. but i mean also i Know high school is it’s own fuckin mess that’s hardly like “flourish as individuals!!” all a sudden. like how i don’t know if i’d’ve been “solid B’s” gang if i would’ve had more room to just figure out my own shit earlier, or if things would’ve been even More miserable cuz of my replacement Type being something more frowned upon cuz weird loser was def waiting in the wings............and then of course Smart Kid expectation constraints wasn’t hardly the only issue in holding back that “oh wait but what am i like *Actually*” process cuz if i was in high school i would’ve been around my parents every day and That was just as much if not more a hindrance in figuring myself out. like going to college may have been useful in that yes i did learn shit but if nothing else i am glad for it b/c the strides i made in “god damn i have to get away from these people (my parents lmfao)” and knowing at least that i’m not Like what THEY thought i was like was E ssen tial Knowledge..........but anyhow like the point of looking back on this shit isn’t to figure out How To Have Run The Perfect Course cuz obviously what’s the point in imagining as broad a what-if, but it’s good for Understanding shit currently..........like oh yeah this crap probably Affected me!! and you gotta know the history to understand the present...............it’s just really wild how like, Passion and (rarely activated) Energy And Intense Interest is like, what i consider my Thing now, and that was like. not what i ever heard anyone else tell me that’s what i’m Like, like, ever basically. i mean not that i don’t think i’m Not smart. it’s just like, not my whole thing and it just kinda feels more incidental, right. What If the whole time i’d been able to pursue whatever i felt like is a wiiiiiiiild question i don’t even know. there’s been so Little of that that’s its absolutely off the shits to be able to put together “oh right i’ve been a theatre gay all along” and “actually i Have performed on stage a decent number of times and supremely thrived in those experiences and i Know i was interested cuz i wished like (@ my family: dni)” and have this very simple (and thus far unusable) Knowledge about something i actually like and am interested in, cuz for the most part it’s [??? ?? ? ?? ???]

on a shorter but related note: the Camaraderie i feel with everyone in the “either has or wants to or would even seriously consider Cutting Ties with parent/s" gang and like, always very Interested in the various experiences within this v broad category. cuz there are so many factors playing into Why you’re in this group and then there’s so many factors in regards to whether someone actually feels able to ditch a ‘rent or two, and then beyond that, all the factors in whether someone’s actually able to............like, knowing that it’s never “lucky” to have to be in this group in the first place, i fairly am Lucky about it in many ways cuz, first of all, lucky to have been able to actually execute [eff off from parents] maneuver, and lucky to get to Know that’s what i totally needed to do........we are all Valide in how we try to deal with relations w/ parents that are so bad you even have to think about “maybe i have to Not Have This Person In My Life At All” and like, when people are dealing with that but Don’t feel they have the option to truly cut that parent or two out of their life, that’s like, well as someone who once felt that way and can Empathize and yet also had these Factors Line Up which let me peace out which aren’t factors that are in play for everyone (as well as a lack of other factors which Are relevant for others and which might mean Leaving Behind Parent/s 5eva isn’t an option they’d consider) it’s like Oh wow, let me hear more about that experience. tldr the camaraderie

oh and ps. it’s funny how like, in my post-being-in-school life, i thiiiiiiiink people usually probably assume i’m Kinda Dumb if anything. cuz the Grades don’t exist anymore but i’m still autistic!!!!! which is another wild factor in thinking about like “well what if [some aspect of my life] had been entirely different, hmmm” cuz it’s like. well i’d’ve still been autistic lmao..............the Social shit has like, been an issue even before the other usual shit in school cuz i Knew i wasn’t fitting in at preschool when all we were doing was like, learning colors and going outside. and it always was a bit distressing to me Never really having more than a couple friends and even then not that close or anything, right? and also how i’d try to Fix this with various strategies and trying out different situations like “oh well i’m not putting myself out there i’ll put myself out there” [tries it and it half-backfires] or “well if i’m spending a weekend with people who know me from Online they’re gonna like me for sure” [majority of ppl in a sub Friend Group i’m peripheral to and i’m intermittently stressed the whole time] “Ah Fuck” lmao and honestly only recently am i like oh right..............when you’re autistic socializing just in a very fundamental way is really like That*.................(*a way i can’t easily explain lmao)............like really just in mad recent times kind of realizing like, oh, okay, i don’t think i can ever Adjust My Approach and just suddenly become good at Easily Makes Friends and that kind of shit..............finally just kinda realizing like ohh right okay i really just do Not do “normal good conversation” like you’re supposed to and that’s just chill The Way It Is not necessarily “not good enough at it” way but It Just Is Different way like........yeah it can be Not Pointless to try to modify your social approach and that’s true for absolutely anyone, but like say, if i’m like oh if i simply get Better at [social interaction task] i will then finally be Good at it, it’s like, shit well that’s honestly just not how it works for me. like, #getting how after a point it’s like “okay learning to do [task] in a way that’s more [like this] is maybe gonna be better for Masking / seeming allistic but like, not for Actually giving me a social experience that’s more fulfilling for Me.” Plus, it’s like, i’m also way more (or okay at least As Much) socially limited by external factors, probably. 

pps oh and also, tangentially related b/c Autistique, it’s wild how every time you delve into (something At All specific about autism) you’ll probably learn something Utterly new about autism which is like god damn this isn’t That niche why haven’t i heard this!! why do i have to know there are 538 other would-be “i should already know this” revelations waiting for me about this topic cuz you have to manage to dig up this stuff on your own and dodge all the unhelpful bullshit types of sites where it’s Not about info from people / for people who are autistic? please. it’s almost like this is a constant and important part of my identity that affects p much every aspect of my life and is helpful to hear others’ info about the collective experience of it b/c like, it’s literally all in your own head and you can’t just somehow Know the ways you’re different in that realm just from emergent traits you can pick up on and figure out. ugh!!!! anyways

this is LONG but NO readmore b/c eh. who am i if not [i hope everyone hates my blog this week.jpg] every week

[gaysie]

be the cowboy and 1989 :-)

be the cowboy: oh god where to even begin just masterpiece literally a masterpiece. if i haddd to pick top 3 rn i’d say remember my name, lonesome love, and two slow dancers, but there’s honestly not a single skip on the whole thing. the whole album just captures so many raw and personal emotions and it just makes me feel seen and like idk less alone to know that we’re all goin thru it together!! right now bc of current moods and such the lines that really sum it up are “i need something bigger than the sky/hold it in my arms and know it’s mine/just how many stars do i need to hang around me/to finally call it heaven?” like we’re YEARNING not just for romance but for A PLACE AND MEANING IN THIS WORLD

1989: this album is just such a bittersweet nostalgia and is so intrinsically ingrained in my memories of freshman year of hs which was both so good and also my first exposure to true tragedy and i grew up a lot that year i think. anyway tangent but yeah the album captures this kind of begrudging maturity for me like the sense that yeah i’ve grown up, and this is my life now, but that doesn’t mean it’s not still fine it’s just different…IDK maybe i’m projecting but. it has SO MANY bops and also this is the year we made our stan tumblr that she followed so that was fun for my 14 year old crazy ass. TOP THREE: you are in love, new romantics, ootw bridge

[gfn-sam-evans]

Texts || Fabrevans

Taggings: Sam Evans & Quinn Fabray When: Thursday to Saturday Notes: Getting to know each other! <3

Quinn: Please do! And once you've got it, we'll talk about a vlog. Quinn: Oh geez. That's such an unflattering picture!! Quinn: Honestly, I started getting bored. Everyone was so busy with each other, I figured I'd get home to Jude. He gives me all the attention I want. Sam: Aye, aye! It shouldn’t be too far from now. I’ve talked to Blaine about singing there. Sam: It’s not! I think it’s cute. Sam: I didn’t realize you were bored.

 Quinn: Oh that'll be a great show then. I'm sure other people will show up to join in. Quinn: oh but it really is. I could always send you a better one. A way cuter one. Quinn: I mean it was fun at first but then idk...i was ready to leave. I felt slightly odd ball out

 Sam: I hope. Sam: Business is good but it’s not booming and I don’t want to hit a bad stretch of months. That freaks me out. Sam: I won’t say no to that. Sam: I didn’t realize how fast the night turned until that truth or dare game happened. Sam: I hope I didn’t make you feel awkward

 Quinn: I understand. I can see why you'd freak out. Your business is your baby. You want it to do well. Quinn: Well hopefully we can get you some publicity and get more people to come in :) Quinn: Hmmm, now i gotta pick a good one. GIve me a sec. Quinn: I think everyone was just tipsy, and horny apparently lol Quinn: oh no no. You didn't make me feel awkward at all. I won't lie, it wasn't a bad sight

 Sam: It really is. I never thought I’d have my own store. I still pinch myself about it. Sam: Yeah. Even my date and I got carried away but I reeled it in. Sam: It was fun to do that. Not something I wanted a group of people I know to see but I couldn’t back down.

 Quinn: Was it something you always wanted to do? Or did little Sammy have other aspirations? Quinn: Oh I saw that. Although, I think she would have been okay if you hadn't. Quinn: Hey sometimes alcohol makes us do the wildest things. As long as you had fun with it, that's all that matters

 Sam: Little Sammy wanted to play football but when that didn’t look like it was happening he changed things. Sam: You saw us making out? Sam: I did but when people started taking their shirts off I didn’t know if it was about to turn into a sex party.

 Quinn: So I take it you were a football player in high school? Woulda been just my type.  Quinn: Oh I thought you meant the lap dance. No. I didn't see you make out. I'm assuming this happened after I left. Quinn: Yeah it was getting wild. And while I'm not afraid of wild, I had had enough for one night

 Sam: You’re into jocks? I still play but only when I’ve got time. Sam: Yeah. That’s why I was confused. I took her home and then left after she fell asleep. It was a fun date but I don’t like being that guy who hooks up with someone right off the bat. Sam: Kissing is fine though. Sam: You’re not? What’s the wildest thing you’ve done?

 Quinn: Well I mean I was in HS. I was head cheerleader after all. But I was super into the artistic types too. Quinn: Ahh gotcha. Sorry for the confusion. But that's very gentlemanly of you. Quinn: I don't think there's anything wrong with kissing on the first date. Especially if you've had a good time... or you're super into/attracted to them. Quinn: Wildest? Ummm... climb up to the roof of a house and jump into a pool, half naked? I mean granted I was drunk so that could have been super dangerous.

 Sam: I try to draw but I’m not the best. I can do macaroni art and make actual masterpieces with it. I can show you if you ever want to see it. Sam: Quinn! That’s insane! Even I wouldn’t do something like that.

 Quinn: Wait seriously?? I have to see this. Ive never heard of someone who makes macaroni masterpieces. I'm intrigued.  Quinn: Yeah... not one of my proudest moments. I won't lie... I did a lot of stupid stuff the first two years after HS...

 Sam: They’re good. What I lack in drawing I’ve picked up with macaroni. Sam: Why after high school?

 Quinn: That's impressive. You're full of surprises Sam Evans Quinn: Well pretty much my whole childhood and high school career I had an image to uphold. For the sake of my mother basically. I got tired of it. So when I graduated, I wanted to live my own life. I uhh... I partied a lot. I was super social. But along with all of that, I hung out with the wrong crowd, did things I shouldn't have.... Just lost control of my life basically.   Quinn: wow I'm sorry, we barely know each other and I'm unloading all this heavy stuff on you. I'm so sorry.

 Sam: I like you shared that with me. I did a lot of stupid things in college. Not to live a deprived life but because I hung out with a lot of frat guys. They wanted me to pledge but I didn’t want to go through the whole Greek thing.

 Quinn: Are you sure? That's alot of information I'm sure you didn't want to know. Quinn: But yeah.. I didn't even bother with sororities. But I knew where all the parties were. Living in LA, there's always a party somewhere

Sam: We’ve all been through stuff, Quinn. It’s s lot but it’s still things that help me get to know you better. Sam: I spent my freshman year drunk most of the time. I had fun and met a lot of cool people. Did crazy things kinda kind what happened at that party.

 Quinn: I don't tell people these things. Even some of my closest friends here in Nashville know about this part of me. About my past. Quinn: Yeah sounds like me. I didn't even finish though. I uh... kinda got kicked out because I missed too many classes.  Quinn: I'm uh... really not proud of that.

 Sam: I used to dance for money. Sam: Only sharing that because you said you told me something real personal. But I get doing things you’re not proud of.

 Quinn: Sam you didn't have to do that. Just because I'm basically word vomiting right now doesn't mean you have to too. Quinn: But now I know why you're so good at it.

 Sam: That was me drunk. William sent me the video and I could tell I lost my touch. I needed money to send home and that was a quick way without dropping out of college. Sam: Just don’t tell anyone. Okay?

 Quinn: I've always heard it was a good way to make some serious chunk of change.  Quinn: Your secret is safe with me. I promise. I wouldn't tell a soul.

 Sam: It is. I made a crap load. It was insane because I’ve worked all types of jobs but that one was a last resort job and it paid the best. You lose a little of yourself and I had to go slow with giving my parents the money because they thought I was delivering pizzas.

 Quinn: oh wow. So like on average how much were you making a night? If you don’t mind me asking. I won’t lie but I kinda wish there wasn’t a stigma about the adult business. They’re just trying to make a living like everyone else.

 Sam: it depended on the night and how busy it was. The most I made in one night was $300. Sometimes you get requested by clients. I was one of the favorites there which seemed weird but it was extra money. I did it for a few months.

 Quinn: Wow. That's nice. The money I mean, not being favored by people. I'm glad you found what you actually wanted to do though. Although  some lucky lady is gonna be able to see your experienced moves.

 Sam: it’s nice but it messes with your head. I didn’t really want to date for awhile and didn’t exactly like to be touched. Sam: Technically many lucky people have.

 Quinn:  Oh wow. I never even thought about it messing with someone. I'm sorry. Here I am praising you for it and when in reality... it sounds like it's something you didn't really want to do.  Quinn: Well true but it's not the same like in the intimacy of the bedroom. That's what I meant.

 Sam: It’s cool, Q. You didn’t know and it wasn’t all bad. I met interesting people and got to take part in shows. It felt like being in theater with some of the acting we did. Just when I thought about what it was in the end. That’s what gets me. Sam: Oh. Uh, yeah. That...I haven’t heard any complaints when it comes to that.

 Quinn: Okay then, let's just say you were in Magic Mike... the musical? lol idk Quinn: Well from seeing your moves the other day, I didn't think you had

Quinn: I had a good time yesterday btw

 Sam: I did too! Sorry I didn’t realize I had pasta sauce on the side of my face.Sam: Magic Mike would make an interesting choice for one.

 Quinn: It's alright. It happens to the best of us. It was cute seeing you slightly blush. Quinn: actually i think it's actually a thing...

[knightofameris]

thank you sm for the clarification hhh i was so worried because i knew you had boundaries on NSFW (which i share completely, no minors imo should be interacting with that kind of stuff,,,) but i’m not sure if that extended into talking in general, and that thought never even occurred to me until you brought up the idea of me being a senior.

but yeah! i’m taking two AP classes, which its weird that you weren’t really allowed to bc where i’m from i’m allowed to take AP classes right when i enter hs? i took an AP class my freshman year (APUSH) and im planning to take more and/or dual credit. also this convo got really serious really quick aaa -🧸

Of course! And no worries 🥺 I think I shouldn’t have had assumed LOL general stuff is fine tho esp cus I’m gonna be writing more gen stuff anyway AHDIAJDIWJ s

WHA that’s crazy. High school has changed a lot and kinda DUNNY that I’m so out of the loop since I’m supposed to be a high school teacher LOL. Good luck with all the APS tho I knew they were all very time consuming

And nah dw I think it was a good thing plus a general reminder to my followers :3c