#and college students are Done with that shit ime (for the most part)

[technicolorxsn]

yknow. maybe professor is the route I wanna go

[diobrando]

this bitch is so flakey man it’s getting on my nerves

[cloudycaffeinatedcryptid]

In an Everyone Lives scenario, what majors/career paths do you think all the Hacketteers would end up in? Obviously we have animation for Ryan and physics for Dylan suggested in the game but so many people end up changing their majors anyway, I wonder if the experience would lead them on different paths than they’d originally intended.

thank you for making me think about this, it's one thing i've been putting off but i also think about all the time

so right off the top of my head, i think about Max's major a lot & i end up tossing two things around - law school or childcare/teaching. he seems like a level-headed guy, he breaks down situations in pieces until he understand them ("You remember when I said, 'whoa, look at the moon. it's so big and bright and- it's so cool to see a full moon' and you said "yeah no shit, Max, it happens once a month'?"), & also.... we've all seen his outfit in the 50s pack. but i still come back to childcare bc i grew up working in childcare & he just seems the type for it. maybe he got rejected from Landis for law & pursues childcare or teaching at a smaller school instead & ends up one of those teachers that everyone wants to get on their schedule

Laura, the love of my life, the breath in my lungs, is such a headstrong badass that she prolly still pursues her vet degree, altho i can see her minoring/taking a few psychology classes to coach her & Max thru the rough times

Abi definitely finds her way to art school, i just don't see her changing that. i do think she expands from just sketching & gets into different mediums - pottery, possibly sculpting, using charcoal and paint - bc i think she'd find it calming to work with her hands, cover her skin in anything but red, & she'd lean into it for stress relief

uhh Nick is so complicated sometimes that predicting what the absolute FOOL (affectionate) is going to do is impossible. i want to say culinary school but if i'm being honest, i think he would end up dropping out & just working at restaurant. i don't say this bc i hate him, i say this bc he's a clown. (also i may or may not have done the same thing, minus the culinary part) or maybe he becomes a forest ranger & spends time alone in his ranger tower listening to the forest

Jacob i whole-heartedly believe goes for coaching/athletics or something, but he joins the college sports team (prolly football or maybe hockey) & that's the path he ends up following. he definitely has to get a tutor

i think Emma maybe pursues marketing/advertising or something of the sort, but i also think she def starts loading up her schedule. volunteer work? no worries, she can run it. student council? sure, she'll apply. you know, lacrosse sounds rlly fun all of a sudden, she should join the team! & she kills, obvi. if she never thinks about it, it never happened. if she never has time to think, she can never think about it

Kaitlyn.... she's the one i've been thinking about the most. she's such an odd character bc we see so much of her & yet i still feel like we don't know anything about her. her entire character is kind of just "im mean, i know first aid & i can shoot" & then we love her bc she's a badass. which i don't mind but it makes it kind of hard to make theories on her future. i imagine she IS one who ends up switching her major. she prolly starts with what she had planned - maybe an english degree? - but then switches bc hackett's quarry changed her & she'll never stop thinking about it. i like to think maybe she ends up in enviromentalism, or possibly on the nursing track. something to occupy her mind

Ryan & Dylan honestly seem rlly well suited for their majors so i don't know of i can imagine them doing something else. i do think Ryan starts taking self-defense class & prolly makes Sarah go with him just to be sure she knows. just in case. Dylan takes a part-time job at either the school's radio station or a local one, & if he DID drop out, he would 100% start a podcast. all those fanfics are canon

this was rlly fun to think about even tho i'm not sure how accurate they are - i would love to hear other ideas! thank you for the ask :)

[coelacat]

I am very intrigued by adam harding and stu sullivan please share a crumb of their lore🙏

hehe hi 👋

okay okay ill finally gush abt them

also i should warn that some fucked shit!! happens to these characters. dont read my lore about them if abuse/rape/substance abuse/bigotry isnt stuff you wanna see. anything under the cut is just a brief mention, but its there

so most of my ocs (the guys with relatively normal names, anyone named like. blade or some fantasy name ignore them for now) are a set of young adults in the 80s in small town midwest USA (some town in iowa, probably) (if any of this sounds familiar to anyone keep it to urself :)). i wanna cover their struggles with highschool, struggling with transitional periods, and then growing into adulthood. im debating if i wanna add and supernatural/scifi elements of have it focus on their relationships and internal struggles mostly, but those are minor details for later on down the road

adam!! hes like. My Main Guy. the one i ended up making this whole lil universe for. bold that i created all of this for him basically and i still named him after adam from the bible, yet it gives me a complex i deeply enjoy so i do it anyway. i am a god who created the world for man, not man for the world.

most of these characters play off 80s media stereotypes and expand on them, and i think adam is like. the most blatant example of this. you know that movie from the 80s-90s you last watched that had a misogynistic metalhead who pulled chicks because he viewed them as objects to win, loved his car, and was angry and violent most of the time, while people who were scared of him vaguely assumed he was satanic in some way? thats adam harding. bleached blonde hair done in a perm mullet, a shitty stache hes convinced makes him look mature, sad brown eyes, leather jackets, and steel toed boots, with tattoos to really top it all off.

semi repressed devout christian faggot who struggles with his own sexuality and identity. hes got daddy issues AND mommy issues (though his mommy issues are much more prominent) and an abusive and neglectful home life, he has to adapt to having a sister after being an only child his whole life, and he has to adjust to a move half way across the country, from southern california to the middle of nowhere hick iowa. as a result, hes quick to anger, never lets his guard down unless around other queers, but ultimately he wants to be good. he was told to be good by his mother, its been ingrained in him from a young age to be nice and do good things. its just unfortunate that his environment allows for that as little as possible. when he has the patience and energy, hes often a lot gentler, but its rare for him to not be running on fumes and a bit of nicotine.

his hobbies include chasing milfs and cougars, working on his car, working out, surfing, blaring Dio as loud as humanly possible, chainsmoking, basketball and wrestling. keep those last two in mind.

on the other hand, stewie "stu" sullivan is the star example of what a highschool student should be. athletically, hes the top of the school, hes got pretty hair and a handsome face, a kind of preppy style, and girls go wild over him. soft brunet hair, sweet freckles occasionally dotting his skin, and lovesick hazel eyes. hes even a total sweetheart who usually treats his girlfriends really well. his only downsides are his mild stupidity, petty mean streak, his shitty guard dog entourage, and his twin brother, kurtis.

stu comes from an upper middle class home, and hes got high expectations set on him. hes consistently been great on whatever local sports team hes been a part of, and the success of his whole future rests on his shoulders to continue doing well. he'll have a free ticket to college, if only he can stay the top of his school, athletically. in terms of popularity, hes pretty slow to give up that as well.

you can probably guess that having the constant pressure to be perfect from his parents creates a lot of friction, however, hes always been seen as the "good" of the two twins. he cant really rebel in any meaningful way, as the expectations placed on him keep him locked in place of being well mannered with adults. towards other students, however, stu will happily pick some fights to blow off steam. its usually with the teens that dont fight back, of course, and its usually only a couple petty insults and a half hearted shove. one affected girl thought that she mightve seen remorse in his expression when he walked away. she was written off as being down bad for him.

oh, right. remember those hobbies of adams i asked you to keep in mind? basketball and wrestling?

yeag .... that might be because stu is the top of the team for wrestling and basketball, and is constantly regarded as the schools mvp.

you can imagine how easily theyd hate each other. theyre both hormonal teenagers who are angry all the time and feel insanely guilty about being angry so they only get angrier and now theyre both challenging each others masculinity. adam very quickly comes for the top spot in the sports stu is good at, so they end up beefing with each other fast and hard. its a constant cock measuring contest with them, and they frequently bloody each others noses.

this sorta fued carries on, and they make no real progress with each other for like 6 months, until adam meets eve, a mysterious newcomer to the town who refuses to say much about herself. shes very obviously queer, and he latches onto her almost immediately as a result of that, and verious other reasons. eventually, eve will coax out adams queerness and he'll be a little more comfortable with himself and end up realizing "fuckkkkkj dude ive got a crush on that prettyboy whos blood ive tasted!!". stu will eventually be coaxed into realizing himself and fixing some of his issues as well as they get older, though all that stuff is a lot more vague in my mind at the moment.

the post i rbed from you tagging as them, id imagine is after adam meets eve, and starts spreading his faggot agenda to stu, but before either of them are fully comfortable with the fact that theyre into men.

stu will eventually have some gender fuckery going on too, but like. thats complicated and i wanna wait and explore that once i have a more comfortable grasp on his character.

if you want a voice claim for adam, i particularly like Randy from Idle Hands (1999) for him? i still gotta nail down voice claims for most other characters though. sorry that adams my favorite

[devouringcalamity]

Exactly! I don't even think before doing shit. I used to be way worse about it. Well actually, okay when I was super super insecure and self loathing and constantly sabotaged my own relationships to make people hate me, I never actually did anything to harm those people and it was all stuff that harmed me. But when I worked through my depression and self hatred with my therapist and got more self confident, and stopped thinking I'd end up a horrible person, I ended up finding out that I have horrible issues with impulsivity and hypersexuality, and I ended up like begging for sex and shit from my ex because I felt like so so insecure inside and instead of letting it get to a self hating and depressed place where I wouldve pushed him away, I started to feel like the only way I could be worthwhile was to like have sex with him, and yeah the dopamine from it was intoxicating and it improved my mood so much to have sex with him BUT he couldnt vocalize what he actually wanted and so he agreed to a bunch of stuff that ended up hurting him and like it was bad for us both, especially him though. But now that I've like done so much awful shit, I cant convince myself Im not a bad person, I cant forgive myself when I know Ive made his life so much fucking worse without thinking. I did so much shit I thought Id never do and that anyone who did is like irredeemably bad and now Ive done it, and like all that work on not hating myself is gone because I became a bad person, and me knowing I hadnt done anything really harmful was the only reason I was able to get over hating myself before. But, consequently, now that I hate myself more, I am more annoying, and I cant fix what I did, but in some ways Ive kinda been able to more easily stop doing impulsive shit just by constantly hating myself. Of course it comes at the consequence of me thinking I deserve to die every day but atleast Im not hurting anyone. I feel like its part of why I want someone to like completely care for me / own me so I can have someone else in control and so I dont have to risk hurting anyone. Also I dont know where Id even begin looking for a therapist who could help with these issues, I actually did try having a second therapist last year and it kinda helped he did like internal family therapy or whatever its called and that actually brought me some positive emotions which I havent felt independently of another person like as far as I can remember. Unfortunately he was a grad student and no longer works at my college. Theres new grad students but idk I dont know if I even want to get better I just want to never hurt anyone again, and so far hating myself and isolating myself has worked, but the guilt of what ive done before makes me feel like I should already be gone. Also sorry for how long this message is, idk ive never really had someone understand exactly what I mean and actually relate as much as you right now.

But now that I've like done so much awful shit, I cant convince myself Im not a bad person, I cant forgive myself when I know Ive made his life so much fucking worse without thinking. I did so much shit I thought Id never do and that anyone who did is like irredeemably bad and now Ive done it, and like all that work on not hating myself is gone because I became a bad person, and me knowing I hadnt done anything really harmful was the only reason I was able to get over hating myself before.

I promise you, theres so many people that have done worse, tbh i probably did worse but that doesnt mean you dont deserve forgiveness or youre a bad person, I have never seen someone say that i am a bad person. Despite me abusing people, almost making someone kill themselves, just being an asshole sometimes and knowingly hurt people because i liked it. Also just manipulated a lot of people for the sake of it and i get off on pretty grim things. This is all out in the open, i dont make a secret out of who i am but most people still see me as a good person because my good deeds outdo the bad ones. Youre only a bad person if you let yourself be, the worst people in history didnt feel much guilt you know, self hating wont help you heal and even if you think it keeps you from being worse it probably doesnt. i am a firm believer of the concept that you make your own reality, good and bad are definitions you can decide and being good is a decision, Yes you can hate yourself but you can also dedicate your life to being helpful and doing good, i dont mean in the sense of risking your own mental health and only helping others, but do use situations where you can make a positive difference. And acknlowdge when you did. Its important to realize we as humans arent black or white and you can make an effort to be here for others. Theres a delicate line managing your darker sides and your need to be a social good creature but its not impossible it just takes some work. Finding a therapist that knows what he is doing is hard but dont give up on it <3 if you find the right fit it can do wonders, also look into different types of therapies.

the truth is you cant live your life never hurting anyone, it is in our nature to influence others in our life, good or bad. dont hold yourself to impossible standars. Try to offset your sins. You hurt someone, you regret it, so you try to be a good and helpful person. Taking care of yourself is also a good act, you may not see it my way but your soul just inhabites your body. Taking care of your body is an act of goodness. You choose this body, even if you dont remember, so you should treat it nicely. Humans are social creatures, you should never isolate yourself. Most people who have done things such as murder were isolated. Contact and community can be healing.

im drunk btw so the spelling mistakes are because of that :,) any other mistakes too

[watcherwatts]

CHICKENHEADED POSTS

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[]/[]/[]

MOTHMAN IS REAL ??!

blogpost by marthayells

hey everyone! martha here! so as most of you know, im in college and have classes and a part-time job in the northwest laboratory, yeah? well, today was the most fucking INSANE project/lesson, im at a loss for words.

they took us (me and about 14 other students) down to the fucking *basement* of the school, which i didnt even know we had one, but anyway, they take us down to the basement and we go into a huge fucking room with i giant ass like, operation table. on that fucking table is mothman i am not joking. theres this seven foot one humanoid creature, laying on its stomach, thats covered in fur? fuzz? big ass antenna and giant ass moth wings chained to the fucking table. ill leave my sketch of it at the end. i almost fainted, one kid did. dr. roberts goes on to talk about how this creature was found actually WORKING AT THE LAB. and he says some other shit too, but i cant really remember it at the moment. the chains fucking lifted up taking the creature with it and it was flipped over onto its back. it had scars under its chest. top surgery??? its eyes were piercing red. weirdly beautiful. i think im going insane. i dont know how long it was but dr. roberts kept talking, he was describing details about its outer anatomy and theories he had, when he was done, he pushed the button to flip it over and then called on me. he asked me to remove its wings. to sever them. he said that if i didnt, he would kick me out of the college, fire me from the lab, and make sure that my mother is "lost." i didnt fuckinf understand what was happening but i fucking did it i was so scared. dr roberts is an awful fucking man. the creature screamed. it wasnt asleep, just put on enough drugs to where it couldnt move but very much cohld feel. this has to be illegal. its blood was red. like mine. like ours. it was so human..i am an awful person. i shouldve stopped it. im si sorry.

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COMMENTS:

mackywacky: hey marth? yeah, what the FUCK.

[vamptastic]

i think primarily the problem with me is that i would like to fix everything. i see communism primarily as like The Big Answer, the Right Way Forward, and i think in reality a true communist system would be better in most ways and better in terms of what i personally value (better wellbeing and happiness for all, equality and egalitarianism, the inherent goodness and value of human life), but much, much harder to implement.

the way i (in my extremely uneducated view ive like barely read the communist manifesto im 17 please feel free to talk about this with me but know i indeed have not read theory and mostly come up with shit on my own via unhinged rants) see it there are essentially two ways to achieve communism:

1. you establish an authoritarian government, one that is probably well-intentioned, but still at the mercy of a few people's capabilities. this is, thus far, the only way it has been done, and like any centralized government with few checks and balances you can get a lot of shit done very quickly. the problem, of course, is that individuals are highly susceptible to corruption and logistics are fucking hard, especially in a country that was likely in a VERY bad state to incite revolution, both agriculturally and industrially, and also has the powers that be actively trying to sabotage it. this is how you end up with resettlement programs, lines for bread, and catastrophic famine. it is also how you quickly give the homeless homes, establish supply lines and public transport, and give everybody a job. you also probably have to shoot some people in the head, ranging from monarchy and billionaires to college students who cannot resist the urge to dispute propaganda. i honestly feel the more i learn about political science the LESS qualified i am to evaluate how much of this is because of authoritarian government, in no small part because american polisci classes seem to hinge on democracy = good and evaluate from there (tbf, democracy usually rocks, but i would like to get into WHY a bit, you know?). i will say that i think a lot of the biggest failures in communist countries have come from a national decision that has catastrophic effects on local areas, which could be averted with less centralization. just realized i am essentially just advocating for a mixed federalist system fucking ap us government and politics is poisoning my brain dude. eventually i will achieve my life's work (a minor in political science) and will know the One True Answer to this.

2. you rely on the idea that people just like, will do communism on their own. the issue with this idea being that they havent. from the (again, not exactly rigorous) reading ive done, this is kind of what marx was going for, in that he believed communism was the inevitable result of industrialization and that it would happen no matter what, but should be sort of hastened along (you can blame this perspective on the foreward to my copy of the communist manifesto, which i fall back onto in times of need when i cannot understand the pamphlet itself, and its utter conviction that marx was a romantic). there is some validity to this in that a lot of pre industrial society was much more communal, ranging from indigenous agricultural towns to like, salem sharing their rye, or the many successful small-scale communist projects that have been created since then. and i do think that small groups of people, tight knit communities, embody the spirit of communism better than an entire nation working towards producing more coal. the problem, of course, is that if you got rid of nationalized infrastructure and just let everyone do their own thing our quality of life would drop significantly. you need things like pharmaceuticals and an energy grid to keep up our current lifespan and quality of life for the elderly, disabled, mentally ill, children, vulnerable people in general, which is kind of what communism is all about: that the QOL for the lowest rung of society is indicative of society as whole. also for how much this is predicated on the idea that people just will become communist on their owns if things get shit enough it does seem that outreach and education and distribution of propaganda are important even to people who believe strongly in anarchism. there's definitely an answer here i think i just need to Read More and Think Harder.

both of these methods are the Only Good Method, and both suck. communism, however, is pretty good. i am yet to reconcile this.

a neglected component here is also my deranged idea that it's my personal responsibility to figure out how to fix the entire world, or indeed that that is possible to do. i also think it is important to care about things and that too many people don't care about things beyond what brings them pleasure or greater quality of life as an individual. it would feel wrong to simply accept that i can go about the rest of my life being financially stable if i just stop caring about other people. i think the answer here can probably be found in that 'first they came for jews, but i did not speak out because i was not a jew' poem, firstly because i AM a jew, and because like, i kind of AM the Other People in a more general sense. but on the other hand it would be really easy to just stop giving a fuck and go get my free college degree in whatever is easy and makes me money and never care about any of this ever again, which many will tell you is the inevitable fate of happy people. sad people are like the old revolutionary in disco elysium, sitting on an empty island in utter conviction of their moral rightness and pursuit of am unachievable goal. they are also sometimes assassinated.

the use of metaphors is signaling that the point is REALLY getting away from me so i will be calling it a day on this one i think. if anybody has the definitive answer to how we Do Communism Right please let me know and maybe tell me what books i read to find out the answer as well.

[imagines4thefandoms]

The Man the World Forgot part 6

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5

“Why doesn’t the horn work,” he questioned her. 

Her face contorted as if remembering something painful or extremely emotional. Scarlet took a deep breath, swallowed the lump in her throat and gripped the steering wheel. 

“My heater broke I thought I could fix it myself cause I didn’t and still don’t have a thousand dollars to get it fixed. My father loved this car and on his days off he would come work on Bart. Most of the time I would sit out there with him and he would try to teach me things but I never paid attention. I was alway too busy on my phone or reading or thinking about some boy but I always just sat there thinking this would satisfy his desire to hang out with his daughter and I thought it would be enough so he wouldn’t try to bring me on those boring fishing trips. But now I realize how stupid I was. 

I tried to use a YouTube video to fix the heater hoping it would be easy and that I inherited my fathers fix-it skills but the heater is still broke and I messed with the horn somehow. Now it’s $1160 to fix and I’m still a broke college student. But I’m saving up the money so til I win the lottery I’m using an air horn Becca gave me”

“I feel like I should be worried about making this trip,” Chris said gripping the “oh shit” handle feigning a worried expressing on his face. 

“You do not need a heated and a horn to drive a vehicle. It is completely safe,” scarlet said with a pointed tone.

“Well according to the department of motor vehicle a us government agency one does need a working horn to get a break tag which is needed to operate a motor vehicle,” the actor retorted.

“Well lucky for me I have 4 more months til I have to get a new break tag,” she quickly looked over at him and stuck her tongue out. 

The two fell into another comfortable silence. Scarlet focused on the road again as Chris continued to look out his window pass except this time he wasn’t was the world pass he wasn’t watching the trees and grass and the other cars. He was staring at Scarlet’s reflection. All the questions he wanted to ask her were running though his head. The urge to know every little thing about her was almost overwhelming. Chris wanted to know her favorite word, why she’s scared of the dentist, what’s the story behind her rocky relationship with her brother, everything her thoughts her dreams. It was weird he just met the girl but she consumed his thoughts. The actor chucked it up to wanting to really know the person who was basically saving him. As he was having his weird obsession though the vehicle pulled into the parking lot of a Zippy B gas station. 

“We have a 5 minute break til we are back on the road,” Scarlet informed Chris as she pulled into a parking spot and parked Bert. 

Chris stood by the car while the college student went to see where the bathroom is. He took this time to stretch his legs from being cramped in Bert for 3 hours. He was leaning against the car as he stretched his hamstrings when she came back to the vehicle with a bag of snacks. 

“Is there anything healthy in that bag,” Chris asked remembering what she promised her mother.

“Yes there is this questionable apple and a bag of popcorn,” she replied tossing the bag into the back seat. 

She noticed he was literally stretching his legs and she gave him a smirk. It was funny seeing Chris’s six foot muscly ass inside her tiny slightly rusted volts wagon bug. “Maybe you should be smaller.”

“What and get rid of these muscles that your think are ‘disgusting’,” he retorted this time stretching his back. 

Chris raised his arms above his head and his shirt rose a bit and an inch of skin was exposed. Scarlet quickly looked away noting the suddenly interesting grease spot on the concrete. 

“Ok ready to go,” asked once he was done stretching. 

“Uh…. Yeah im.. im going to fill up then we can leave,” scarlet stuttered trying not to this of how attractive she found him and how she will be stuck in her little bug with him for a couple more hours.

She put her card in the gas pump and was going to grab the handle but chris got to it first. “Sit down.”

She opened the driver side door and just sat with her legs outside the car and watched her favorite movie actor fill her car with gas. A dozen dirty thoughts came to her hear but she quickly shook them out of her head cause those plus the sight space of Bert was not a good combination. 

When the pump stopped Chris put it back in its holder and waited til Scarlet was properly seated to close her car door. She watched as he went around the car to go to his side and she felt her heart flutter. Scarlet knew how much of a gentleman Chris was, everyone knew but it was another thing to experience it. She could say she loved him for it but her love for him means nothing. It’s a fangirls love for a celebrity. Maybe when this is over she will keep this memory of not necessarily being the center of his attention or affection but who can say a Chris Evans did this for her. 

Once he was back in the car he twisted his body to grab the new bag of snacks. She asked him to hand her the bag of popcorn and a water while he grabbed the questionable apple that deemed good enough to eat. Scarlet started the car back up and got back on the road.

“You know popcorn isn’t as healthy as you think it is,” Chris informed taking a bite out of his apple. 

“Yes it is,” she replied tossing another handful into his mouth. 

“Not when it’s caramel popcorn.”

“Ok mr know-it-all give me a bite of the apple so i’m not a liar,” she snapped holding her hand out. 

She kept her eyes on the road but felt the cold wet apple hit her hand. Without looking she brought the apple to her mouth and took a bite then tossed it back to him. “Now can I eat my ‘healthy’ popcorn in peace?”

“No,” the actor responded reaching over to her lap and taking a handful of the popcorn at tossing them piece by piece in the air and catching it in his mouth. 

Out of her peripheral she noticed how relax or carefree he looked. It was nice to see him like this during this stressful situation. Her heart fluttered at the thought she was the reason he was so relaxed. 

Chris grabbed her phone again but this time put on her “Disney” playlist. He placed it back in its designated spot and turned the volume up a little. 

“Omg you really are a Disney nerd,” she laughed when A Whole New World came on. 

“Yes, I love it. If I wasn’t acting I would want to be a Disney animator,” he said with a smile. Thinking of what he is going to do if this doesn’t work out. Go to school get a degree in animation and do that. 

“Well know you have to draw me something special.”

“It will cost ya,” he said giving her a knowing smile. 

Before she could ask him what he was talking about Chris started to sing Aladdin’s part of the song. When it was jasmine’s part he would point over to her. 

“Oh no. not happening. I can’t sing,” she said shanking her head. 

“Liar, you were having a whole concert an hour ago.”

“You were asleep. I can’t sing in front of people. Never have never will.”

Accepting defeat Chris started sing both parts and making his voice higher to mimic a feminine voice for jasmine. Scarlet was laughing so hard she car swerved out of the lane for a bit. 

“Scar your going to kill us,” he laughed grabbing the wheel trying to right Bert. 

“Evans I promise we will get to our destination in one piece and alive,” she promised playfully slapping his arm. “Now please continue doing what ever that was.”

He was about to break back into song when the music stop saying Scarlet was getting a phone call. She was about to grab the phone but Chris grabbed it first, put it on speaker and held it by her head for her. 

Where are you

“In my car, what’s up Becca,” scarlet replied.

Good how long til you get here

“Get where”

Mack’s party, Scarlet tell me you didn’t forget

“I didn’t forget” she lied.

Good how long til you get here

“Im not. Im kinda not in town.”

How kinda

“Um like I just left a gas station in Natchitoches and im heading to Nevada.”

What the hell scarlet. We said we would go to this stupid party a month ago and your ditching me

“I know but chris needed…”

Oh my god. You ditched me for your boy toy. 

“Stop its not like that”

Yes it is. When did you meet him cause you just mentioned him to me today.

“Becca im sorry but this is important.”

More important than your best friend

“Becca please,”

I never asked you for anything just for you to come with me so I wouldn’t have to face mack alone and use you as an excuse to leave early 

“Bec.”

No I get it. Some mediocre dick is more important than the person who as been by your side since we were 13. 

Before Scarlet could reply Becca hung up the phone. 

“Shit, can you call her back please,” she cursed looking over at Chris. 

He tried calling her again twice but both time it went straight to voicemail. Chris felt awful. After the third try scarlet told him to stop and the Disney music started to play again. 

“Im sorry,” Chris started to say. “I didn’t mean for your life to get turned upside down.”

“She just needs to calm down. We’re best friends this will blow over,” Scarlet said to either herself or Chris. Neither could be sure but Chris knew one thing. It sounded more like she was trying to convince herself then him. 

The air in Bert got very heavy. The light mood was gone and this eery dread was in its place. Chris wanted to comfort her but he didn’t know how. Her right hand which she usually kept on the gear shift was know clutching the wheel tightly. He noticed how she was fidgeting. She was worried. Chris noticed the signs. He gets like it sometimes when the fame gets too much. He reached his arm across and placed his hand on her right thigh. 

“Ill be fine,” Scarlet said.

“I know, you wanna talk,” he asked stroking the top of her tight with his thumb. 

“Not really, but thank you,” she replied patting the hand that was on her thigh. 

Chris waited a second before he really let her be. He knew he had to take his hand off her knee know. The appropriate time to comfort her has long pass but he couldn’t bring himself to do it. The thought of removing his hand felt wrong. Chris thought he was losing his mind. It was just he didn’t want to see her hurt cause she is an amazing person. She was helping him and now he wanted to help her but he knew there was nothing he could do. That had to be the reason. 

“Would it make you feel better if I answered any marvel question. Ill even give you spoilers. Im not scared of Kevin,” Chris said giving a macho voice but looking around like he’s waiting for Kevin to pop out somewhere to yell at him. 

“Christopher i’ve watched endgame. I know you do what ever the hell that was and don’t get me started on that cause it won’t make me feel better it will make me angry,” Scarlet scorned giving the actor a pointed look.

“What if I told you Steve was coming back.”

“Are you telling me the truth?”

“No.”

“Are you lying to me?”

“No.”

“Are you just telling me things to distract me?”

“Yes.”

“Thank you.”

“So why don’t you like Steve’s ending,” Chris asked generally interested. 

Scarlet took a deep breath and went on a 20 minute rant about how Steve shouldn’t have left Bucky and how he had just gotten over Peggy and ruined his entire character. But Chris just sat there and listened. He came to Steve’s defense once or twice but enjoying the spark that was in her eye when she talked about something she really enjoyed. 

“And don’t get me started in the moral of it all. Do you really think that Steven Grant Rodgers mr Language won’t stand down from a bully even if it kills him would just sit by and let all these terrible thing happen like jfk assassination which I believe Bucky did. 9/11. Bucky’s torture and enslavement. No sir,” scarlet exclaimed heatedly.

“Ok I get it. Steve is now an ass and for my sake I can never mention marvel around you ever again,” he laughed. 

“You asked the question Christopher,” she replied.

Chris realize he did ask the question and he wasted a question but then realized he unlocked a part of her he probably wouldn’t have met cause people usually don’t get that in-depth with marvel talks with him. 

“And now I regret it,” he joked when he saw her blush. 

The now entering Texas sign was coming into view which caused Chris to look at the clock. It was almost 8 pm and Scarlet was still driving. Even knowing she won’t let him drive Bert he felt like he still needed to ask if she wanted him to take over for a while.

“You good to drive still. I promise i’ll take good care of Bert,” he said placing his right hand over his heart and raising his left hand as if swearing like a boy scout.

“First off, no one drives Bert but me. Second Im fine but can you hand me an energy drink out of the cooler please and thank you,” she asked letting out a small yawn. 

The actor turned around and open the blue ice chest. The energy drinks were all the way at the bottom of the chest. Chris pulled out a monster and gave her a questioning look as he handed it to her. 

“These are not good for you,” he warned as she opened it and took a sip.

“Look Chris I failed to kill me I doubt a little energy drink is more competent than me.”

“Scar,” Chris said in a worried tone. 

“You can laugh. If you can’t laugh at something then you’re not over it,” she reassured him as she placed her hand on his thigh. “Im ok. I promise.”

Somehow Chris knew she was telling the truth that she was fine but there was still a part of him that was worried about her. For the rest of the ride they listened to every song in every Disney movie ever made and he subconsciously kept looking at her out of his peripheral. Almost afraid she would vanish or suddenly not be ok. The desire, the need to be there for her was overwhelming and confusing. But out of all the things he has ever done in his life this felt right. It felt like something he was supposed to do.

PART 7

[she-toadmask]

I'm trying to check my academic progress because I'm hoping to graduate this semester

And the site isn't working and giving an error that looks more like an error from code issues than anything on the user end

So I view page source, not expecting to find anything since best practice is to have all your Javascript in a separate file from your HTML

(I decided to livetype my reaction to the source and it got long and heated so cut)

But NOPE. ALL THE JAVASCRIPT IS INSIDE THE HTML. AND THE VARIABLE NAMES ARE LONG AS SHIT LIKE SOME ARE LONGER THAN THE STRING THEY CONTAIN.

And ok this makes some sense since it's a lot of specific stuff regarding course registration but why is there a dictionary with one item with the key bankingInformationCloseButtonLabel and the value 'Close'

IT'S ONE FUCKING ITEM WHY USE A DICTIONARY

Why is the Javascript split into multiple sections. Like multiple <script></script> chunks.

ANOTHER SINGLE-ITEM DICTIONARY WHY

Oh there's the links to external Javascript files. Why are some of them inside the html and some not.

AND NOW BACK TO INTERNAL JAVASCRIPT FOR WHAT PURPOSE DO YOU DO THIS

This violates readability, jesus. Most of these are just masses of variable assignments. I guess the software that runs the back end does a lot of it but jesus this is a nightmare to look at. Not that my code is necessarily better, but im a student and this was presumably done by professionals who got paid

I mean I guess if you just needed to update a few variables and know what they were this wouldn't be too bad but this is suffering to look at

I would scream about this chunk being confusing and 'what do you mean you have to have this isolated string without quotes or the tests fail with invalid JS' but this is probably what real-world code looks like

At least the variable chunks are labeled with comments as to what they are

2600 lines in and we now have internal Javascript that isn't just lists of variables, oh god

And there's that isolated string without quotes so things work. Joy. Why did my phone try to correct work to worm

This code at least looks fine, logical function names and not doing more than one thing. Still shouldn't be in the main page but at least it's decent code

And almost 2700 lines in we finally get to the body element, the actual html in this file

I have now learned what a vector image looks like in html and I am terrified

AND WE'RE BACK TO JAVASCRIPT THIS TIME INSIDE THE BODY. THIS IS NOT HOW YOU PROGRAM.

Those class names are awful why are they two parts and long

This html is also awful to read but I just don't like working with html in general so that's probably the issue. Scrolling through a lot of it. More inline Javascript.

I FOUND THE SOURCE OF THE FUCKING ERROR THEY FORGOT TO CLOSE ONE FUCKING COMMENT USED IN A JAVASCRIPT LIBRARY

3600 LINES IN

This is equivalent to when my tests kept failing because I forgot to put a quarter of my code into an else statement and it ran every time except worse because i eventually fixed that before submitting my assignment but this is live code on the internet

Ok this is interesting some of this code may have come from the company this is licensed from or whatever and maybe that's why the variable names are garbage. This might be unrelated to anything my college does.

Source: a comment like

[College] customization: student services requested this message be displayed. I did [explanation]. Ben ([college - date])

Now that's good practice. Thank you Ben for being smart.

In any case this file is almost 5000 lines long and most of that was Javascript and one missing comment tag ruined everything

[mushroom-ooooooooooooooo]

This is like...sooo tmi so if you see me on a daily basis like,,,irl. Like at school. Pls dont read this.

Cw: weird mental health stuff/ me talking about low motivation

So basically its the time of year where my body just shuts down. My bones feel like lead, it takes forever for me to get out of bed, and I just generally feel like crap. I love winter but the physical toll its taking on me this year is actually driving me wild. I woke up this morning and genuinely couldn't move my arm for 10 minutes because my bones just feel so heavy. And my joints are getting worse too. I can hear my ankles and knees popping every single time I walk, but especially when I walk upstairs. And most of my classes are upstairs at school. And my immune system also gets weaker, and because of that my psoriasis gets worse. I literally just go to school and then rest.

And thats a problem because my parents both have a physical disability. So all the chores go onto me. But guess who can't do them because I'm fucking depressed and in physically pain constantly? Me. My back constantly seizes up and i literally needed my dads help throwing taking the trash out the other day. I can barely stand long enough to do a "simple" load of dishes. (Simple meaning one for the deep clean we do of our kitchen every 3 months. Its gross. I wish they would rinse their dishes out.)

And all of this is affecting my mental health really badly. This probably sounds gross but I'm just now taking a shower. Its been 3 weeks. And I know its not their fault, but one of my friends made an off-handed comment one day and that made me feel a million times worse. And I've been really snappy lately and I feel so bad about it constantly. And my mom and I think I was misdiagnosed with ptsd because I dont exhibit any symptoms and honestly never did. Autism and ptsd share symptoms and I just dont think I have ptsd from whats happened in my past. And my brother also thinks he may be autistic. Autism also runs in our family, so...yeah.

I also feel like shit because I haven't been taking as good care of our cats as I should be. I love them and want to see them happy, but my parents also refuse to help clean their litter boxes. And thats the big thing I struggle with. And one of our cats has been doing their business on the floor. No matter how many times we clean it up,she still does it. And its really irritating, but i also think she just...cant get into the box. She's like...12-13 and I've been trying to get my parents to buy better things for the cats. We have 4. And we dont even have a cat tree for them. And my cats love climbing. They would have so much fun crawling on a cat tree. And I cant do anything about it because im a highschool student who cant even get a job. I don't even have my drivers learners permit yet.

And that's another thing!! I honestly think my parents are done parenting. My brother went off to college, and everything fell onto me. And like I understand that my parents work hard and that they're older (mom is 54 almost 55 and dad is 52 almost 53) and they need to rest but god damn. Im still a child. Most people arent the sole cleaner, cooker, and pet caretaker. Most people my age don't make grocery lists for their parents. Most kids my age focus on their part-time jobs and school. They actually did stuff before my brother went to college. I just want them to understand how I feel about it. I like cooking and I dont mind cleaning, but it becomes a problem when im the only one doing it. And yeah, I get $50 in allowance every month, and I'm grateful that my parents are able to afford to give me that much, but my mom always pulls the "we give you allowance for chores,". Chores is things like un/loading the dishwasher, taking the trash out, cleaning litter boxes, making bed, ect. Not cleaning the entire trainwreck of a kitchen by yourself and trying to make sure the floor is clean before your friend comes over for the first time in months. They're not parenting anymore, and it makes me upset. I feel like im just a random person in their house. Genuinely, my mom spends more times working on her acrylic nails than actually parenting. And she wonders why I get so irritated with her. She says hi to the cat before she does me.

And I don't even know if my dad likes me anymore. I think im just another financial burden to them. Im just a depressed high schooler with chronic illness who can't even go to school everyday. I feel so useless. I dont even know if I want to go to college. I don't even know how I have friends. I'm not a nice person. I get mean and defensive really easily, and my teasing turns mean really quickly.

I don't know why I am this way. Am I cursed? Is someone even reading this? All I do is shut people out and listen to music. I don't know why I became so rude. I just want to be remembered. But at the same time, I don't think I'm worth remembering. I'm not exceptional at anything. Even my once okayish writing has gone down greatly. I used to get praise for my reading skills and now I can't even read a 300 page book.

I feel so gross and useless and im depressed. How worse can it get? Im also extremely paranoid. I constantly feel like people are judging my every move. Even when im alone in the shower. I still feel people watching me. I should've probably told my therapist about that when I was still in therapy but my dumbass didn't even think to talk about that. Just that oh i saw my friend. Oh i started public school again. You know what? No one cares. And I probably wasted my therapists time. And my dads. Having to drive me across houston just to see her. No wonder no one likes me. Im fucking irritating. Thats why I have 3 friends at school. And 3 friends out of school. And one of them doesn't talk to me anymore, and another lives out of city.

The other is wonderful and amazing and I want them to constantly be happy and comfortable but I cant do that at my house because my parents don't help. Im starting to realize im kind of like a live in cleaner. Thats all I ever do in my freetime. Cleaning up after my parents. My mom acts like shes 15 and my dad doesn't rinse his dishes.

Thats another thing. Along with them not really parenting anymore, I think they've given up on me. Specifically on trying to get me to school. I miss school about once a week to once every couple weeks because I have bad flare ups. As I'm typing this, I can feel my legs aching. It hurts. And it makes it hard for me to go to school like that. The last time I did my back starting seizing during UIL rehearsals. And I couldn't leave. But today was one of those days and I genuinely felt like crap. My dad just agreed and didn't argue. Normally he argues with me about it because "I need to suck it up and do what the rest of us do.". I understand that everyone hurts and has bad days, but I genuinely get so bad during those days. And everyday has been one of those days for the last 6 months. But my parents don't really discipline me. They don't track my every move. They dont even make grocery lists anymore. Or really go to the store often. But our fridge and pantry is filled with a bunch of junk. Leftovers, empty foods that need to be thrown away, and literally so much more.

My mom is also a hoarder and constantly buys new things for herself. Like with her nail stuff. Im glad shes got something going for her outside of work, but why does she need 50 different glitters? I guess one could argue that im the same way with paints, but I dont leave my paints all over the living room area. And she literally has so much clothing. And most of it is on her floor. Its almosy unwalkable and I constantly stumble in her room. And our garage is filled with mostly her stuff. Clothes, old books, even her teacher stuff. Why does she have so much??

It irritates me because she'll say she doesn't have money for something, such as a cat tree, but then buy like...$200 worth of clothes and makeup at walmart, when we could've bought groceries and a cat tree with that. She just...irritates me idk.

Anyways, yeah. I think this is long enough for now. Goodmorning, goodnight, good...whatever idfk. Remember to drink water and eat something.

[clockworkslick]

hi im clockworkSlick, a weird artist guy. i make cool shit and talk about stuff i like, so thats what you'll find here. links to my other stuff below, under the cut is some more info about specific things im doing right now (i edit this post occasionally to keep up with the times, if i stop assume im dead.)

TWT - INSTA - WEBCOMIC - COMMISIONS - PORTFOLIO - ART TAG

BIO

im a 21 yr old college student obsessed with digital art, tv shows, and ive been writing a webcomic called providence to channel all of it. outside of providence i like to try and merge geometric design ideas with more traditionally inspired drawing practices (traditional as in using ink on paper, not as in praying to an ancient god to smite my enemies and fertilize my fields.) in practice this usually just comes off as me obsessing over a character or something, which is because that's exactly what it is.

Providence

this is what i spend most of my time on. if you want to read a scifi fantasy comic about college students doing a healthy mix of standing around talking and fighting monsters, then please give it a read. its inspired by everything ive seen, sitcoms like community, seinfeld, iasip, 30 rock, and also more serious media like the x files, parts of rvb, and plenty of influences that ive absorbed into my brain over time.

the format is based on ms paint adventures, known for homestuck and problem slueth, but isnt that close in terms of stuff like art style and pretending to be a video game. its mostly a normal comic, just presented in the format that i was obsessed with for all of middle school, some of high school, and a worryingly high amount of right now.

making a webcomic is one of the hardest, least rewarding things i have ever done, and yet i just cannot stop. writing bad jokes, coming up with story lines and character arcs, articulating my problems in a way that makes sense, its like crack.

you can read it at either of the links below:

WEBCOMIC

MSPFA MIRROR

[ace-mob-boss]

I am so undeniably overwhelmed at all times no matter what it looks like I'm doing because it's never what I should be. My productivity hours are 11-3 and 5-7, but thats when im supposed to fucking sleep.

And I wanna work out more like, fr before i end up killing myself over my weight on some dumb shit. I don't wanna get to that point but I'm getting worse and worse at communication, i use to just leave it be when i hurt someone on accident and they get mad vcus i apologized and it was an accident and now i sit there biting my knuckles like "FUCK! FUCK. FUCK" every time.

anyways, my communication skills are so bad and i would go to the gym or on walks for a couple hours everyday if I could simply do it alone and dictate my own routine. not my moms.

The ellipitical makes me wanna tear my fucking hair out when someone else TELLS me to do it.

I should get substantially better at getting work done now that i have headphones though, people dont understand that i actually am very bad at getting work done when im not listeniing to music, especially when considering that not only does it help me concentrate but when im listening to music i often try to mainly type, but also write, to the beat. i might tap my fingers along to and throw them out in a flappy kinda way. kinda like when you do explosions with your hands but in a more coordinated way, at least, coordinated to me.

Regardless, without music im shit at concentrating, especially in english. part of the reason my english skills have deteriorated so badly regardless of my high ass reading level, skills and comprehension, because I am officially on college level reading since last year according to the state, I can't pay attention to books in class for the most part. If I start before everyone else adn am left uninterrupted I will annotate on my own and read the whole thing. The problem comes up when they stop letting me do that or they start making other students read a loud. Like, my stupid ass englissh teacher make me take my heapdhone out one time, for no reason when i was actively reading my text and ahead of the class, which i then stopped working cus not only was i now bored as shit, but she also had students reading aloud when they didn't even know the words with a MICROPHONE.

Anyways, i got off track, it went downhill in 8th grade where i literally almost failed english because of the damn school. So usually, since like, 2nd grade where i would do entire hw packets in the beginning of the year, i would start reading the book early or read ahead of where everyone else was. I often got in trouble for it but for years and years, I'd even borrow the books without being seen which was against the rules no matter how safe you were, and I'd read at home or in school. If I don't read ahead I don't pay attention. I dont know how it works but whenever im on the same pace as others i either quickly fall behind because i usually answer questions more extensively then asked or i get stuck rereading the same page, who know why. But in 8th grade they didn't want me doing that and so they would keep the book name a secret, explicitly said to stop me on multiple occasicons from buying and reading the book early. Then they would also send me a copy late/last in the class so i couldnt read ahead. then they wondered how i was failing when they've SEEN the pattern in which i always read the book ahead on purpose.

Anyways, fuck english, it's my worst subject. ON another note. i keep letting my room get dirty even though it bothers me for some reason. it just piles on and on until i force myself to clean it. Also, i am depressed. I don't care if my mom tries to say i just heard it off the internet. I am better than i was before but sometimes i simply cannot gain the will power to do things. Sometimes i ponder my existence in the world as everything goes to shit. and sometimes i just really hate myself. But, it's still better than before. Because while i dont attempt to be a pick me, it is simply something that i accept and try my best to go against. But it isnt just internet influence. I use to ponder for weeks on end with no sleep on different ways to kill myself. which would be less painful and which would be fast. I'd be in the car with family staring at the window, thinking of how i should die. One time i didn't sleep for 6 days straight, how i kept functioning is a fucking miracle. i only went to sleep when i started hallucinating shit in the corner. And yet when my parents learned about me saying i had depression, mind you i only spoke about this with other people who also had depression, both diagnosed and not, they were simply disssapointed in me.

Anyways, i have no clue how i got to this point. My room is hot, my mother has put a plastic film on top of my ac to stop the draft from "freezing the house out" regardless of it being known that my fathers side of the family is constantly hot. including me. and because of fucking global warming, which could be easily ficed if it wasn't for how naturally greed ridden humanity is, it's not even touching, under 45 degrees like it use to even though we're nearing the peak of winter. I also have a fuck ton of squishmallows and blankets which are usually very comfirtable but right now its hot as all hell so im burningm up even with my window open. Another reason is that for year my building has no heat until my mom finally sued the land lord early this year/late last year and they fixed it except for the fact that it is hot as balls now. Both buildings are burning up somehow.

Anyways, my little cousin also like fanfiction right, usually we read weird shit in funny voices as a joke and giggle and laugh. she's three, almost two, years younger than me. I often hang out with her and she obviously the favorite cousin after the chromebook i just bought her for christmas this year. so all of us had a sleepover recently and she was obviously tired and my other cousin was asleep while me and a NOTHER seperate cousin were on the bed.so she was talking about how quiet it was and i laughed and said its cus this is usuallyt the time me and the tired cousin start reading weird shit and giggling but shes tired so i wont. mind you i havent read anything with her in the past like, 1 and a half months on the days i seen her and she had just spent the whole day with me walking around the city to an art gallery unlike all the other cousins. And she just pops up talking baout how oh thats so good and all that shi and i was like, i just said we not doing that cus your tired and i didnt even read any with you today, yesterday, or two days before that when i also saw you and multiple times before that. and shes just gonna go "yeah i know bur you always read fanfiction with me everytime i see you and i was just with you all day" and im not gonna act like i wasnt hurt because i dont know anyone else who reads fanfiction that isn't x reader which i personally just dont like in any way, i think its kinda weird but i leave people who do read it be. but she somehow failed to mention the fact that she is often the one to choose to do that to begin with and just has me read them. but regardless it hurt my feelings and it truly made me feel like shit. cus now in my head im just like, oh. i just make her feel uncomfortable dont i. i cant explain the whole feeling but part of it was kinda like betrayal and it just really fucked me up cus that was two and and a half days ago and i still feel fucking bad.

Then on a whole nother note. my parents got a divorce and while im glad for it cus we live in the same apartment with my mom. im also pissed. my dad left and he texted me the other day in a way that was actively trying to seek attention and guilt me. but thats not even the problem. I haven't loved my father in years right. he constantly made jokes about it and everyone in the family knew this. he also was hella rude to my mother. threatening her and shi but never truly acting. overall just disrespectful. but ive never out right told him i dont like him. until the day my mom officiated this shit show when she came back from vacay and had me wait in the car. afterwards. she told him, cus he was lying and saying that me and my brother said we were fine with living with him and having her visit, that why would i ever agree to that when i dont even like him, like being around him, or like tlaking to him. in which he then called me and she told me i have to tell him the truth and say yes. now she keeps fucking bothering me about having to talk to him about why i dont like him like im legally required to involve myself with HIS healing process and stress myself out over his feelings. Every fucking day its something baout having to talk to him and how shes gonna instigate a convo with him but i dont wanna fucking do that. and she keeps saying/acting like it's out of cowardly reasons that i dont want to but its not because i truly fear him. It is because he stresses me out and bothers me. He annoys me on all levels and when im overwhelmed i cry. He pisses me off and acts like I'm stupid, undermining me and my intelligence while also acting like a damn narcissist who's simultaneously done no wrong. I do not fear him. He angers me. i dont want to talk to him because of the potential stress, not out of mere cowardice.

anyways, i have plenty more to say cus im just venting remotely everything right now because since most of my friends suck fucking ass and the ones who i do talk to aren't ones i'd like to talk about this to without feeling as if im bothering them, ill leave it be. not that theyre bad friends, but, there are different friends that tolerate different things and react in different ways. I think im going to go to sleep now though considering that i just wrote for a hot 35 minutes and it is 4:30 in the morning and i have so much i want to do.

[xmalereader]

Eddie Munson X Professor Male Reader || FINAL || NSFW

-

|| Masterlist || ONE || TWO ||

-

Authors Note: Im finally done!! Here is the final part of this series, I technically had it down for awhile but was in the process of moving and didn’t have time to update, but here is the end of this series. I hope you all enjoyed it, any grammar errors are my errors!

Summary: Eddie survives the upside down and Vecna is no more. After turning back to Hawkins, the town continues to hate him and decided to leave town and find his way to college, giving himself a new future and another chance at life. He just didn’t expect himself roll around in his Professor bedsheets.

Warnings: Fluff, angst, NSFW, Eddie and reader are in their 20s, age gap, Professor reader, student eddie, 90’s, Dustin is sarcastic, mentions of the upside down, anxiety, panic attacks, kissing, dating, mentions of failure, eddie has fears, reader is a sweetheart, good boy kink, secret relationship, teasing, sexual tension, slow burn, self-esteem issues, trauma.

Word count: 5.1k

Tags: @qlqstqr @ur-moms-used-tampon101 @drspencerreid921 @ewf1nn @ziggys-guitar @alexs-playground @qlqstqr @ur-moms-used-tampon101 @ewf1nn @osamuwu11

—

—

It was his first time waking up next to someone. Eddie had grown used to waking up alone in a small room or to the sound of his uncles music but this felt different. When he first woke up he hears the sound of laughing downstairs and then the sound of soft breathing. When he turns around to face the older man lying next to him he can’t help, but feel surprised that Y/n remained in the same spot. He was still asleep, hair messy and flat and with the covers reaching his shoulders. His fingers brushed against Eddie’s exposed skin, his shirt rising as he shifts in position.

Eddie slowly shifts out of his hold, sitting up in bed as he takes in the silence in their room before getting up. He moves around quietly and gets changed into some clean clothes, pushing his bag back inside the closet as the sudden events from last night came crashing down on him. He feels his entire body heat up, flustered as he collects himself and quickly leaves the room. After last nights events he didn’t know what do to, knowing that both he and Y/n will have to talk later about everything. Eddie was always nervous when it came towards serious situations, like the upside down.

The first time Dustin told him about the upside down, the killings, Eleven, Will—it was all very overwhelming for him. He didn’t think that another world could exist to the point where he had to get himself involved, he didn’t want any of that but, he had to help the others into stopping Vecna from coming into their world and destroying it. Eddie got lucky during his plan of distraction, he could have ended up dead if he didn’t listen to Dustin. Yet, here he is. Thinking that facing the upside down was the scariest thing when in reality it’s facing Y/n that scares him the most.

After he’s changed and left the room he makes his way downstairs to see the others. “Hey Eddie! Ready for the camp today?” Dustin calls out with a large grin. Shit. Eddie totally forgot about their camping trip being today, they are to do last minute check ups before leaving to their camping site. “Yeah, I’m ready.” Eddie mumbled out, rubbing the sleep from his eyes as Dustin giggles and turns to let the others know.

They were to be leaving after breakfast, eating a good meal before packing up the vans and heading out to their camping site. Eddie was helping around in the garage, putting their things in the trunk of the van. He makes sure that it’s all organized so that everyone can still fit inside without feeling too crowded.

“Well, if it isn’t Mr. Smarty pants.” Eddie hears Steve say as he looks over his shoulder to see Y/n standing near the entrance, arms crossed as he leans against the door frame, smirking at them. “I am smart—which is why I’m a professor.” He pushed himself off the door frame and steps into the garage, approaching Steve and flicking him on the head causing him to wince and protest. “What the hell?”

Y/n ignored him and sighs. “I guess you all leave today, want to make sure your set up before anyone takes any good spots?” He questions. “Well, when you have a van load of brats—“ he points over. “You kind of have to head there early.” He groans out, dreading the idea of the teens fighting and arguing all the way to their camp site.

Y/n chuckles. “I think you’ll be fine, the kids like you.” He’s seen the way the teens are around Steve, treating him like family but also as a parent. Steve was always running around shouting and screaming for them not do something dangerous or for them to stop arguing. It brought a smile to his face, watching Steve acting like a parent.

“Why don’t you come?” Steve suddenly asks, his question startling him a little as he clears his throat in surprise. “I don’t think the others would want me there—rarely speak to them and I mainly stay indoors.” He tells Steve, patting his shoulder. “You can all enjoy your week, I’ll be fine on my own. I asked your parents to let me stay in this town because I needed time away from the city and from the university.” Y/n didn’t want to ruin their camping trip by coming uninvited, he didn’t want to make the others uncomfortable.

Steve rolls his eyes. “Yeah, time away from work so—come with us.” He invites again, gibing his shoulder a soft nudge before grinning softly. “Don’t think I don’t know your secret.” He whispers out, startling the other as his eyes widen before Steve winks and heads back to help with loading the van.

Y/n knew that Steve wouldn’t judge him for his taste in men. The two did talk sometimes and had small bonding moments, he’s told Steve about his attraction towards both genders? Expecting him to be disgusted and exposing his secret to the world but instead Steve told him that he was lucky to attract both genders when Steve couldn’t even get one.

The two were drunk and giggling all night, hiding upstairs on Steve’s room while the Harrington family held a party downstairs. Y/n avoided the parties, no matter how many times he was dragged to them he’d always hid from everyone.

“You alright?”

Y/n is pulled aqua from his thoughts when he hears Eddies soft voice next to him. He looks over to his left and a small smile spreads across his lips when his eyes land ok Eddie. “Im fine, just lost in thought.” Be shrugs his shoulders. “Sleep well?” He asks.

Eddies face goes red as he avoids eye contact. “S’fine.” He mumbled back, trying to focusing on finding another duffle bag or perhaps a tent that he can toss inside the van but the garage was nearly empty due to their work being done. Y/n chuckles, reaching out to brush his fingers against Eddie’s hair, the soft curls intertwining between his pointer finger and thumb.

“What do you think, sweetheart? Think you’ll survive the week without me?” Y/n teases, noticing Eddie’s eyes widen at the pet name, opening and closing his mouth. Not knowing what to say until Y/n steals a small kiss from his lips, away from prying eyes.

“Enjoy your camping trip.” He whispers, his fingers trailing down to graze against eddies hand before he heads back inside to get himself something to eat and continue on with his day. Eddie can only stand there in shock, his face hot and flustered.

—

“So, you’re leaving in an hour? I expected you all to head out later in the afternoon.” Y/n asks, watching everyone running around as they answered frantically and quickly.

“Gotta get there soon!”

“Before anyone takes our spot.”

“We also don’t want to be in the hot sun all day and must leave early!”

Every teen says as they pass by him. The teens have grown used to Y/n’a presences and have actually spoken to him a few times. They expected him to be mean and strict but he was actually warm and caring, smooth and attractive. Lets just say that Steve got a little jealous by all the attention he was getting from ‘his’ kids.

“I thought you were coming?” Will is the one to ask, packing up the sandwiches and placing them inside a small cooler. Y/n shakes his head left and right. “Sorry kiddo, not today.” He ruffles wills hair, grinning as the young teen blushes softly, leaning in his touch a little as he smiles before pulling away. “I can help with packing if you’d like?” He offers, watching the tend nod frantically as he guides him to the dinning table where various foods lied in and just had to be packed away.

Y/n helped Will pack away the foods and made sure they stayed cool during their long trip. He’s focused on his task that he doesn’t notice Eddie staring ever once an a while every time he passes by the dinning room. He’s been watching the Professor all day, not wanting to miss a single sight once he’s out for the whole week. Eddie wished that Y/n could join them but the older man was too busy doing his own thing and would rather stay indoors. Besides, y/n didn’t look like the kind of person who enjoys camping, right?

Eddie stumbles back when Steve rushes inside with a wide smile on his face. He looks around and slims in a circle before his eyes land on the Professor. “Y/n!” He calls out, startling the young man as he looks over his shoulder with a raised brow. “Yes?”

“Turns out that we have an extra spot open, so your ass is coming to camp with us.” Steve says, earning an eye roll from the Professor. “And who exactly would I be sharing with? I doubt the kids would want me in their tents.”

Without hesitate Steve is quick to answer. “Well you can share with Eddie.” A sly grin on his face, one that Y/n knew far too well when they were both young and stupid.

—

Y/n doesn't expect himself to say yes to the idea of camp, he doesn’t hate the idea of sharing a tent with Eddie he just didn’t know how Eddie would feel if they were share. They’ve already slept in the same bed and have shared many kisses, so their was no point in sugar coding the situation.

The entire group was able to make it to campsite without killing each other. The ride was full of chaos and grumbling due to the teens growing hungry or getting a full bladder which lead to multiple stops. Steve tried his best to get control of the chaos but had little to no success until Y/n stepped up, using his stern professor voice that Eddie knew too well. Y/n had forced Steve to the back seat while he took over driving, hushing the kids from causing any trouble as he drove them to the campsite. It was three hours away from town, entering a popular site that was full with families. Y/n was lucky enough to find them a good spot to claim before anyone else got to it.

After their time together in the car the group is separated into different areas, getting their tents set up and struggling a bit with the instructions awhile Eddie and Y/n stood a few feet away from the nearest tent in their group and worked on getting theirs set up.

“Do you know how to set up a tent?” Eddie questions him while watching him set out the tarp for the bottom so no rocks could jab into their backs. “Eddie, I know what i’m doing, do you?” Y/n shot back with a raised brow. He gives eddie a glance over his shoulder before continuing on with setting up the tent.

Eddie smiles a little as he helps with the other side. “You didn’t have to come.” He blurts out, wincing to himself at the rude statement. “Sorry, didn't mean it like that.”

“Its alright.” Y/n shrugs his shoulders. “Steve really wanted me to come and the kids grown onto me.” He confesses, coming to a stand as be adjusts the tent. “I feel like a professor all over when i’m around these kids, making me spit out instructions and becoming stern.” He laughs out, remembering the first year he taught. He wasn’t taken serious at first until he found a way to make sure that his students took him seriously. He ended up failing majority of them for not completing their assignments correctly, ending up with a line near his office full of angry teens. After that the school knew not to mess with their newest professor.

After spending some time at the university he’s grown used to the fact of him being the youngest and the most popular teacher on campus. Y/n ignored other professors comments towards him and just focused on his job.

“Do you like teaching or working at the university?” Eddie suddenly blurts out, tying down the tent and naming sure that is placed correctly before moving onto the next side of the tent. Y/n sighs softly, moving down to one knee as he ties down his end. “I do.” He responds.

“I didn’t always want to a teacher.” He confesses. “Before I became a teacher, I actually wanted do race cars.” He smiles softly at the thought of racing.

“Wait, wait—“ Eddie rounds the tent to stand in front of him with a shocked look on his face. “You? You wanted to race cars.” He asks the his professor who chuckled and comes to a stand, dusting the Dirt and dead grass from his pants. “Yes Eddie, I used to have other dreams.” He states as a matter of fact, stepping over to the entrance of the tent and pulling down the zipper.

“What stopped you from doing it?” Eddie steps inside the tent and helps clean out the Dirt and dust before they put their things inside and get things setup.

“My little brother was born,” Y/n states, cleaning up the messy tent and coughing a bit. “My brother came into the world and I focused on him a lot—my parents weren’t around much and were busy working in order to keep a roof over our heads and food in our mouths.” He sighs to himself. “My want for racing faded away through time and focused on studying for something that could help me. So, I became a teacher instead.”

Eddie gives him a glance, now knowing why his professor admires him. He told him last night that when he sees him he sees himself in Eddie, referring to their past together. Eddie struggled a lot as a kid with the idea of his parents fighting everyday to the point where he is abandoned on his uncles doorstep, forcing the man to raise a child that wasn’t even his.

Eddie thought that his life would continue to be shit, but his uncle raised him well. His uncle felt more like a father than an uncle and he loved him for that. Eddie did struggle a bit during his school years and soon took up the label of being the towns freak. He was considered an outcast in town, accused of murder and being hunted like an animal.

Eddie appreciated his uncles help when he forced him to leave town and start all over back in the city, giving himself a better education and a fresh new start—well, what was considered a new start. Eddie hadn’t made a single friend since he first started college, always trying to befriend anyone who would get along with him but they never lasted long. So, Eddie kept himself closed up and away from everyone.

He just didn’t expect himself to land with his professor during their summer break. He didn’t think that he would confess and have his feelings returned and accepted, kissing his Professor and spending the night with him. Now, here they both are on a camping trip and sharing a tent together.

“Your a teacher now but that shouldn’t stop you from trying. Consider is a hobby! I mean, I had a band back in high school and wanted to be famous and all but, things changed.” Eddie didn’t know why he was telling him this but it felt right, comfortable even.

“We all change.” Eddie adds.

With that, their small conversation ends as they help each other set up the final parts of their tent. Y/n works on the inside and making their space comfortable by setting ho the sleeping bags and the pillows and blankets they brought with them. He makes sure that everything is finished before stepping out of the tent and zipping it back up.

“Should we check on the others?” He asks as Eddie agrees to his idea. The two spend their time helping the teens set ho the tents, the heat of the sun shinning down on them, causing Y/n to put on a hat and some sunglasses while he helped the teens. The girls were a lot easier to deal with while the boys argued on the sleeping arrangements and who’s sleeping bag goes where, while the girls spoke softly and made quick choices and agreements on their own arrangements. After he’s done helping them set up the tent be offers to help with cooking lunch but Nancy declines, letting him know that she will be handling lunch.

Y/n decided not to argue and heads back to his tent to get some rest, upon unzipping the tent he steps Inside to see Eddie already lying on his sleeping bag with a notebook and pen in hand. Y/n frowns, “please don’t tell me that your doing some extra homework.” He groans out, zipping up the tent and kicking off his shoes, setting them aside.

Eddie chuckles. “Im not doing that—no way in hell am I going to spend this week doing homework.” He closed the notebook and placed it back inside his bag. “Just some journaling that’s all.” He shrugs his shoulders, not seeing it as a big deal as Y/n hums to himself before crawling to his sleeping bag and lying on his back, letting out a deep groan. “Who would’ve thought that camping could he so hard.”

“We just got here.” Eddie reminds him, lying down as well. The two a few inches away from each other as they lie in silence, taking in the noise of teenagers arguing along with Steve's yelling. This reminded Y/n of his own time with his family before they hit adulthood, causing their bond to drift apart.

Without thinking, he reaches out to place his hand over Eddies. He felt him flinch at first before relaxing, a deep sighing escaping his nose as he gives his hand a soft squeeze in return.

“You ready to talk about last night?” Y/n whispers out in a soft tone. His thumb stroking Eddie’s palm as the other continues to stare up, avoiding his gaze like always as he opened his mouth. “Im sorry for breaking down.” He suddenly says, still embarrassed by the way he broke down In front of Y/n, his professor.

“It’s Just—“ Eddie sucks in a death breath. “I’ve never experienced something like that before and it was all new and happening so quick and I panicked.” He finally says, looking over to see Y/n smiling softly at him. He watched him sit up, hand on the side of his head to keel him up as he faced Eddie. “Its alright.” He heard him say, using his free hand to push back Eddie’s bangs.

“We can take things slow, I don’t want to do anything to make you uncomfortable—like you said, this is your first time being with someone so don’t hesitate to tell me if I’m doing something wrong.”

Eddie shakes his head, looking up “You can never do wrong. Your—“ Their eyes meet, Eddie swallows nervously. “Perfect.” He mumbled out in a soft whisper. The two continue to stare at each other.

Y/n is the first to move, leaning into Eddie, his hand cupping the back of his head. Their lips brush and Y/n acts almost tentative before he leans in with careful pressure.

Kissing Eddie fills Y/n with affection so powerful it aches. No one has ever looked at Eddie the way Y/n looks at him and the implication of that is that no one has really kissed him either. Not like this.

Y/n is pressing on the seam of his lips with his tongue and opening him up in a slow, warm sweep. A fractured sound catches in Eddie’s throat, as if taken off guard by the taste of him as he keeps Eddie close by the shirt. Eddie traced the shape of his mouth with his tongue.

Y/n’s pace builds up with a sort of hunger, a moan building from the depths of his chest as be kisses him, deepening their kiss before he breaks apart to take a ragged gasp of air.

Y/n lets him go, breathing against each other as he licks his lips. “I—sorry I should’ve—sorry.” He is quick to apologize. He promised Eddie that he wouldn’t rush things into their new relationship and felt like a line was crossed all because of their kissing.

Eddies heart hammered as he swallows thickly. “Its okay.” His voice cracks when speaking causing him to blush and clear his throat. “I enjoyed it.” He said. “A lot.”

Y/n chuckles, shaking his head. “I know but I did promise—“

Eddie hand reached up to grip the bottom ends of his professors shirt, breath short and raggedy as he leans in close, chests brushing as he speaks. “Please,” Eddie manages, half murmuring against Y/n’s mouth as he reaches for him. His hands, shaking but sure. Fingers fidgeting at the ends of his shirt.

Y/n stares down at Eddie, whispering back to him. “Are you sure?” With a nod he gets Eddie’s conformation, causing the other to push him back, lying him down on the sleeping bag and hovering over him, whispering against his neck. “Shh, be my good boy and relax.” Y/n leaves a kiss against his neck as his fingers trail under Eddie’s shirt, pushing it up and over his head.

Eddie does his best to help, his hands moving to help Y/n ease away the layers that separate the two of them and Eddie fumbles miserably. Y/n helps take care of it and Eddie chuckles a little. “I can do it.” He protests and can’t stop smiling as Y/n lifts the shirt over his own head and tossed it aside, reaching down to fumble with Eddie’s belt.

“Just wait—“

“I’ve been waiting.” Y/n reminds him, an unfamiliar urgency entering his voice that leaves no space for argument. The heat that rises to Eddies skin makes up for any chill that could settle in as Y/n strips him. When he’s finished and returns back to Eddie he leans down to kiss him again.

“Let me look at you.” Y/n asks softly, leaning back a little as he takes in the sight of Eddie. Slowly, carefully, he lets his hands wander. His finger tips brushing against the softness of his skin and can feel Eddie’s slight shiver before relaxing against him. His head leaning back as an unsteady exhale escapes Eddie’s lips.

Y/n fingers follow small scars, littered around his torso. Eddies breath hitched, hand shooting out to grip his wrist, pain and fear filling his eyes as Y/n uses his free hand to place against his ribs. “Its alright.” He whispers, leaning down to press their foreheads together. Eddie leans into the touch and keeps himself calm.

“Good, good, just relax. Im not going to hurt you.” Eddie hears him whisper as his hand lets go of his wrist, trusting the man above him as he goes back to exploring the scars that littered his body. His fingers tracing over them. “You have so many.” Y/n says softly, his thumb circling a spot dangerously close to his torso, and Eddie hums in reply.

Eddie is opening his mouth to speak but Y/n is quick to shake his head. “Don’t speak—I understand. I’ll make the pain go away, you’re safe with me.” He reassures Eddie. “You okay to keep going?” He didn’t want to push Eddie into going any further but he instead nods in return. “Please.” He breaths out as he stares up at him.

Y/n groans, biting his lip, sitting up from his position and reaching over, fumbling around in his bag, and the implication alone makes Eddie’s head rush. Y/n takes what feels like an eternity, slicking his fingers and rubbing them together to warm them, and Eddie catches the inside of his check between his teeth.

“You have to tell me.” Y/n says, his voice quiet but serious as he positions himself above him. Eddie isn't sure how he manages to hear him over the rapid pounding of his heartbeat, but nods. Y/n reaches down between them. As much as Eddie wills himself to relax his body still tenses. Wincing, Eddie closed his eyes and his next breath hisses in from between his teeth.

“Easy.” Y/n says, placing a hand against his chest. Heeding the advice, Eddie takes in another slow breath. “Sorry, its good just—“ his voice is a little strained. “First time.” His face grow red, feeling terribly exposed.

Y/n smiles softly, leaning forward to capture his lips into a chaste kiss as he continues. Slowly, he starts again. One slick finger sliding up inside Eddie with steady pressure, moving in a few shallow thrusts that quickly build.

“God.” Eddie sighs hazily.

Y/n takes it as permission to ease a second finger up inside him and Eddie’s breath catches with a whining sound, rocking his hips down to meet him. Y/n gives off a soft grin as he moves in a full form rhythm, pausing to curl his fingers or spread them apart, stretching him open and sighing when Eddie shudders.

“Good boy.” Y/n utters, almost too quiet to be heard and Eddie gazes up at him with a breathless whine. Y/n turns his wrist, just enough, and this time his fingers curl the slow, steady wag y/n’s been touching Eddie.

Eddie chokes, scrambling he grabs Y/n’s upper arms. His eyes squeezed tightly shut as his hips jerk back against his fingers. “Mhm.”

“There?” Y/n questions, his fingers thrusting deeper into him as Eddie throws his head back in pleasure. “Its good, but please, I want to feel you so badly. Don’t make me beg.” He whines out, eyes growing glossy.

As much as Y/n wanted to hear Eddie beg for him he knows be can’t. Not today, not right now, slamming their mouths together to muffle his moans. “Shit.” Y/n curses quietly against his mouth. Drawing his hand back as Eddie moans quietly at the absence of his fingers. Aching for him and wanting to feel full.

Y/n doesn’t have time to reach for the lube and instead he slicks his hand with spit, spitting into the palm of his hand, biting back a groan as he spreads it along the length of his cock. Eddie bites his lip, watching as Y/n touches himself, settling himself back between Eddie’s legs, and Eddie draws his knees up on either side of him.

Laying warm hands on the inside of Eddie’s thighs, he urges his legs a little further apart. Then, be grabs his hips and gracefully, drags Eddie closer until he’s practically in his lap.

“Better.”

Y/n presses forward now and Eddie hides his mouth behind his palm. One hand firmly gripping Eddie’s hip while the other steadies his cock as be slowly sinks into him. As Eddie’s expression tightens , taking the adjustment slow before be relaxes.

Y/n’s cock is thick and hard, filling him up. There’s nothing but skin on skim as Y/n pushes in deeper and harder. Eddies ears ring as he muffles a sound like sob beneath his hand.

“Easy, just relax.” Y/n whispers against Eddie’s ear as he placed his free hand ok his shoulder, keeping him steady as be breaths out a muffled plead. “Please—fuck,” Y/n takes that as his cue to move his hips, moving down against him in a slow pace before slowly speeding up. Eddie gasps out, his back curving off the bed as his entire body jerks up.

Y/n moves harder, another quiet curse falling from his lips. He hooks his leg over his shoulder, while the other digs into the blankets beneath them. Bracing himself enough to rock back against him. Eddie meets Y/n’s thrusts, taking him deeper, harder, and Eddie shudders with an unsteady moan.

“Its good—“ Eddie moans out. “Right there, and you feel so good Y/n, please—please!”

Y/n shudders above him, his lips press against his chest, forehead, his cheeks, his neck, anything he can mark as his. “Your going to ruin me.” He growls lowly, Eddie arched up to let out a breathy laugh. “Please.” He repeats shakily. Y/n groans, hips snapping up against Eddie with a sudden force due to Eddie’s begging chorus.

It doesn’t take much more for Y/n to slam deep and hard into Eddie as he comes with a shudder, drawing out a moan, as Eddie’s back lifts off the mattress in a needy arch as he spills over Y/n’s chest. His chest heaving in sharp and unsteady gasps of air. The air around then growing intensely hot as they breath against each other. Y/n’s hands gripping his hips as he slowly pulls out, earning a whine from the man beneath him.

Eddie lifts his hips to help, biting his lip as be lies back underneath the blankets. His hair sticking to his forehead from the heat as he slowly starts to feel light headed.

“Hey.” He hears Y/n say, gently tapping his fingers against his cheek as he leans down to kiss his lips. “Here,” he mumbles against his mouth, his hand curling underneath his head as he helped him sit up, placing the tip of the water bottle against his lips and makes him drink the water.

“I don’t think your first time should’ve been underneath this hot weather.” Y/n chuckles as eddie smiles, drinking the cool water and wrapping his fingers around the bottle while the other got then cleaned up, using his own shirt to clean up Eddie’s and his mess.

Once Eddie is done drinking he hands the bottle to Y/n who gladly takes it and takes his own sip, before closing the cap around the bottle and tossing it aside. He turns his attention back to Eddie and with a smile he leans forward to capture his lips into a deep kiss.

“Thank you.” Eddie mumbled against his lips while Y/n grins. “Im not entirely done with you yet, big boy.” Hs teases. “But, I think we can keep going later tonight, right?” Eddie nods his head while Y/n gives him one last kiss. “My good boy.”

[flamingo-writes]

Heyyyyyy, sooo I was thinking bout being Mike's older sister, and dating eddie secretly, but then, Ed has to mention his girlfriend( they still dont know who it is, just that he has one),but none of the hellfire boys believe him and then one night, in a make out sesh on his throne, the boys come in the room,( eddie "forgot"😉 it was DnD night) and Mike is just like, shooketh and it's really funny, sorry if it's too precise or detailed

I was away for the weekend and hardly had time to write. But, As soon as I saw this request I fell in love with it and started writing it right away. It took me some time to get done bcs adult life sucks, and this kinda turned out longer than expected 🤡 but that shouldn’t come as a surprise at this point. This also turned out fluffier than expected, I wanted this to be funny but it turned out to be more soft and fluffy… with some funny parts ofc.

Im also implying that the design of the Hellfire shirt was made by the reader.

Got To Be Real — e.m.

Eddie Munson x Wheeler!Reader

Title based off N.I.B. by Black Sabbath

Word count: 3.6K

Warnings: None that I can think of. Mentions of the reader having an active sex life, I guess?

Mixtape Masterlist

Mike unfolded the new shirt Eddie had thrown at them. Giving a new shirt to each and every one of the members of the Hellfire Club, making sure he handed the right size at everyone. Dustin chuckled next to Mike as Mike admired the details, the D20, a sword in fire, the logo, it all looked pretty badass, Mike thought.

“Oh shit, Eddie, these new shirts are amazing. Where did you get them?” Dustin asked as Mike wasted no time and put it on over the Star Wars shirt he was wearing.

“Oh, my girlfriend does screen printing” Eddie replied.

Dustin laughed again, this time differently, as Mike’s eyebrows knitted together in confusion and looked up, meeting Eddie’s dark eyes incredulously. Girlfriend?

“Whoa, whoa, your what now?”

“My girlfriend, Henderson” Eddie said in a sassy voice.

“Yeah right”

“You don’t believe me?” He asked, his voice growing more serious, as the look in his eyes changed quickly.

“I me-mean, I rarely see you talk to girls, you know, you intimidate most people…and screen printing is such an odd hobby…” Dustin said, justifying himself with a nervous giggle as he tried to reach at straws for whatever could help him from seeing Eddie’s wrath.

“My sister does screen printing” Mike said, looking at Dustin.

“Your sister is an art student…” Dustin blurted out “Besides, she’s living in Indianapolis, she’s not dating Eddie”

Eddie frowned, his look only growing more and more serious and colder, looking at Dustin, as if he wasn’t making any sense.

“I mean, yeah…She’s been acting odd ever since she started college, I think she might be dating someone, though…but every time I ask she refuses to tell me” Mike added, making Eddie chuckle and look away, rolling his eyes annoyed.

“She’s dating some dude from college…” Dustin stated as if it were obvious.

"Are you done chit chatting, kids?" Eddie interrupted bitterly.

"How’s your girlfriend called, then, Eddie…" Dustin asked with a defying look.

Eddie chuckled.

"That’s none of your goddamn business, Henderson" Eddie growled.

"Because she isn’t real" Dustin intervened.

Mike hit Dustin on the ribs with his elbow, as Dustin flinched and whined. Mike giving him a look with wide scared eyes, hoping that Dustin would het the message that he was pissing Eddie off. However, Dustin raised his eyebrows confused and shrugged, making Mike sigh and roll his eyes.

"Can I level with you?" Eddie's voice suddenly sounded calm "Assuming my girlfriend was imaginary, then why would I bother lying to you about where I got the shirts?" He asked.

"Good question," Dustin said, "But I still think it’s odd we’ve never seen you with a girl before, and you don’t tell us her what name is—"

"Henderson," Eddie cut him off with a serious low growl.

"Yes?"

"Give me back that shirt"

"Wha-what?" Dustin laughed uncomfortably "C’mon Ed…I-I’m kidding. This shirt is very cool, and your girlfriend is very talented. Tell her I said these are amazing…" Dustin mumbled nervously, as he clung to his shirt

"That's what I thought" Eddie said.

The last Friday of every month was Hellfire Club Friday. The last Friday of every month, they knew they couldn’t make any plans, as they were going to spend the entire afternoon playing D&D. However, you had forgotten that little detail.

Every time you returned to Hawkins, you usually spent the Friday nights and Sunday mornings with your family before driving back to Indianapolis. And the entirety of your Saturday with your boyfriend, Eddie. And you knew Eddie usually held campaigns on Fridays, but it was hard to track when exactly, and you knew he liked to take his time carefully planning everything, going over his notes from previous campaigns. You admired his dedication to his craft.

This, as well as his creativity, among many other things were what made you fall in love with him. Four years of high school, getting together every once in a while to play D&D, even though you two belonged to different social groups, you still got along pretty well. And slowly fell for each other over the course of your high school years, and started going out on dates in your last semester.

And while Eddie didn't get to graduate with you, that didn't stop him from asking you to be his girlfriend. And moving to Indianapolis for college did not stop you from saying yes.

And for two long years, you'd manage to keep your relationship afloat and going strong. While the both of you wished you could see each other daily as opposed to a few times a month, you made up for it by calling each other on a daily basis.

And during your last phone call, Eddie sounded particularly needy and whiny, begging you over and over again to go see him on Friday after school.

And saying no to him required a whole deal of effort. And yet, you couldn't bring yourself to say no to him. You left Indianapolis earlier than you usually did, to get to see your boyfriend for a while before your usual expected arrival at your parent's home.

Needy was an understatement. Eddie was sitting on his throne, with you straddling him. His lips attached to yours, devouring and swallowing every sweet noise that came out of your mouth. A slow yet passionate kiss, telling you exactly how much he'd missed you.

His hands roaming underneath your shirt, as you knew this make out session was going to end up with the both of you hot and bothered, as you wouldn't be able to do much in there without drawing suspicions. That, and you were running out of time. But boy, was it nostalgic. Your first kiss looked something like this. It had started as a shy kiss with the Dungeon Master after the last campaign of your high school and him confessing his feelings for you.

However, Eddie had deliberately missed the little detail that today was Hellfire Friday, and everyone else was on their way to the classroom where Eddie was taking his time teasing you. Touching your soft spots, tasting your needy moans, and making sure you knew how much he missed you and how much he needed you, although he knew he’d have to wait until tomorrow to finally claim you as his once again. Right now it wasn’t about making love to you, it was about getting to fool around, and proving his point to the newest members of the Club who didn’t believe him when he said he had a girlfriend.

"Wait, she's back already?" Dustin asked Mike curiously as they turned left on the hall, making their way to the Hellfire Club.

"Yeah she said she finished this term earlier because she aced everything and doesn't have to show to her finals…" Mike explained, telling him how your summer holidays had basically started earlier this semester.

"Whoa, she's so cool!" Dustin sighed.

"I know, night? Anyways, I asked her if she could pick me up after the campaign tonight since Nance will be busy, and I doubt my dad wants to miss on his game on the TV to pick me up…" Mike said.

"Could she give me a ride back to my place?" Dustin wondered.

"Yeah, of course. She loves you," Mike added.

As they stopped in front of the door, they pushed the door open, unaware of what they were both about to see. As the door creaked open, the heard a soft moan, and quickly exchanged uncomfortable stares before Dustin finished pushing the door open. The door made a louder creaking noise, and the horror that soon took over their faces could not be compared to anything they’d ever seen.

"Oh, oh! What the fuck?!" Dustin yelled, realizing there was a girl sitting on Eddie’s lap.

"Shit, Eddie, next time could you—" Mike whined, as shocked as Dustin, however, his voice was cut off, and he felt his jaw fall to the ground, as he put the pieces together, paralyzed, shocked.

"Shit, fuck" You growled in a low voice as you recognized your little brother’s voice and looked the opposite direction, knowing it was useless, but still clinging to the teeny tiny chance of managing to go unnoticed or at least unidentified.

"Sis?" Mike’s voice freezing your blood.

You sighed deeply and exchanged stares with Eddie, noticing a little mischievous grin on his face as you squinted, thinking he was behind all of this. You then turned to look at your little brother, and uncomfortably waved at him. Not muttering a single word.

"You're dating my sister?"

"Eddie's your boyfriend?!"

Both Mike and Dustin spat, shocked and incredulous as they replayed the conversation they had regarding Eddie’s girlfriend, and thought about the chances of it being you and wondering how obvious it was. Screen printing was an odd hobby to have, but you did…and Eddie’s girlfriend did too. Now that Mike did the math, it was obvious that Eddie and you were classmates, on his first run of the senior year, you’d been acting odd for the last two years, not really talking about your boyfriend but making it clear that you had one, Ed never really engaging with other girls aside of short simple interactions. You two had similar tastes in music, you’d taught Mike and his friends to play D&D…now that Mike thought about it, it was more possible than he’d thought.

“ Did you plan this?" You hissed, squinting at Eddie.

"Maybe" He said, as you rolled your eyes and got off his lap, fixing your shirt and your skirt.

"I can't believe this" Dustin said.

"So, all the… marks I saw on your neck, Eddie…" Mike murmured, making Eddie laugh.

"Ew, no, Mike stop!" Dustin begged as you rolled your eyes and felt your face heating up, and besting your head in your hands.

"Gentlemen," Eddie said in a calm voice as you looked up from your hands and turned your gaze to meet his. "I'd like to present to you my beautiful, talented, incredibly smart, and very real girlfriend..."

"Real? Oh, Ed—" You groaned and chuckled softly "Yeah, I should've imagine Mike was going to join your D&D club, and I should’ve imagined they were not going to believe you have a girlfriend…" You said looking at Eddie as he shrugged.

"How are you two—" Mike asked baffled.

"Eddie and l actually met in this same club, we became close friends, and I don't know, shortly before I graduated, something happened between us and we started dating" You explained.

"But you moved to Indianapolis for college!" Mike snapped.

"Aw, that's actually cute" Dustin said, noticing they way Eddie rested his head against your chest and you brought a hand to his hair, as he held you close to him.

"Yeah, so? I still come here at least twice a month to see you guys, and also to see Eddie" You replied, as Eddie’s hand grabbed you by the waist and pulled you closer to his throne, wrapping his arm around your hips as you stood in front of his seat and he gave Mike a cheeky grin.

"You have any idea how hard it's to keep a long distance relationship, Wheeler?" Eddie asked.

"It's pretty hard..." Dustin said. Thinking of Susie.

"Mike's girlfriend moved to California..." You said softly, letting Eddie know.

"Why didn't you tell me?" Mike asked you.

"We'll talk about this later, Mike, I don't feel like doing this right now, in front of all of hellfire…" You said, as Dustin and Mike exchanged stares and then looked over their shoulders, noticing the little audience they’d gathered; the rest of the Hellfire Club, who knew Eddie wasn’t lying about having a girlfriend "And, Eddie," You said looking at Eddie "Give Mike a ride home after you guys are done" You said as he chuckled and looked at you.

"What?" Eddie asked with a puzzled chuckle.

"Be a good boyfriend and give my little brother a ride" You said caressing his cheek with your hand. "Would you do that for me?" You said pouting at Eddie.

"Oh this is your revenge, isn't it?" Eddie said quitting as you giggled.

"Yes" You replied and leaned forward kissing his forehead.

"Oh, shit, no! I was going to ask you if you could give me a ride back home!" Dustin whined, knowing Eddie would not give him a ride back home.

"Of course, Dustin. I can give you a ride!" You said looking at Dustin and smiling.

"Oh come on!" Eddie complained "Your evil, Wheeler" You looked at your boyfriend, raising an eyebrow, feigning a naive look.

"Am l?" You asked.

"You're so gonna pay" He murmured, giving your hips a slight squeeze.

"Me? You're the one who set up this! If anything, you owe me, Munson" You said with a grin.

After exchanging playful, yet defiant stares and a little bit of bickering, you left going to your parents house, leaving the guys to finally play Dungeons and Dragons. And, as the afternoon got wasted away, Eddie could easily go into his Dungeon Master persona, and guide and narrate the guys through their adventure, however, Mike had a harder time concentrating. A million questions flooded his mind and was eager to know the answers to them all. He knew asking Eddie mid game would only end in Eddie telling him to focus and to take the campaign seriously, and he knew better than to provoke Eddie, specially during a campaign.

And finally, when the time came to go back home, the awkward tension was palpable in Eddie’s van. Neither of them wanted to be in that situation. It was haunting and asphyxiating. But somehow, Mike felt this impending need to ask, and get at least one answer to at least one of the many questions that had been haunting him.

“So, uh…you’ve been dating my sister since she graduated?” Mike asked awkwardly, he noticed the way Eddie's hands gripped the steering wheel.

“Are we really going to have this conversation?” Eddie hissed.

“I mean, knowing my sister, I’m pretty sure this is why she asked you to bring me home”

Eddie sighed deeply, Mike's words circling his mind, and thinking about it.

“Well. Yeah, you’re right. This does sound like something she’d do…” Eddie said defeated, “And yes, we’ve been dating for two years now…”

“That’s a long time…”

“Yes it is,”

“And uh,” Mike said biting the inside of his cheek “Do you…love her?” Eddie snickered sarcastically.

“You think I’d be enduring along distance relationship if I didn’t?” He replied bitterly and gave Mike a quick glare.

“I’m just asking” Mike stiffened and shrugged.

“Yes, man. I love her,” Eddie added. “She’s…perfect. She’s smart, and talented. She likes the same music as me, she never judged me nor let my reputation get in the way of our friendship back when she was in high school…you know, she got along with the popular kids, and she was still friends with me, and god,” Eddie sighed “She plays D&D too. Seriously, the girl of my dreams…” His voice softened.

Mike wondered if he'd ever heard Eddie talk in such a sincere way. Sure, Eddie wasn't scared to speak his mind, but he'd never heard Eddie talk in such a soft voice. Even when he talked about things he liked, he kept his cheeky arrogant tone. Not this time. His voice softened, and sounded almost dreamy.

"Oh, I didn’t know that…" Mike whispered, not sure what to reply.

"If you’re worried that I might hurt her or whatever, don’t," Eddie said glancing quickly at Mike "She seriously means so much to me, I’d never do anything to hurt her" He said, that sincere soft voice remaining.

Mike nodded and looked back at the windshield, looking into the road as he still had several questions circling his mind.

"I know it's…none of my business but…can I ask why are you guys keeping your relationship a secret?" Mike asked, not sure how Eddie would react to his question.

"Because I asked her to," Eddie said with a flat voice, eyes glued to the road as he took a turn, getting close to Mike's place "I know your parents won’t be exactly accepting of their daughter dating someone like me, and I don’t want to put her in a difficult position…" Eddie explained.

Mike thought about it. And while, perhaps, their mom could warm up to Eddie, their dad would most likely disapprove. His father already told Mike on a daily basis to stop wasting his time with D&D. He also complained to you about the kind of music you listened to. If he were to meet Eddie, it would definitely start an argument with you.

"Her friends in Indianapolis know we're dating…" Eddie added, "So it’s not entirely a secret. I actually know her friends from college. When she can’t come here to Hawkins I drive to Indianapolis to see her…" Eddie explained.

"Oh, wow…Eddie that’s cool. I mean, that you go to her when she can’t come here…I’m sure it means a lot to her…"

"Yeah?" Eddie said parking outside your parents' house and looking at Mike. "Well, I'd do anything for her"

"Yeah, that's very cool of you…" Mike replied awkwardly "Well, thanks for the ride, Eddie…And, I think it’s cool that you’re dating my sister, I always saw my sister acting all cheesy and in love but she never talked about her boyfriend, she only said he was the best that has happened to her…" Eddie chuckled.

"Really?"

"Yeah, but don’t tell her. She’ll know I told you and will kick my ass" Mike whined, making Eddie laugh out loud.

"Oh, I’m so sorry Wheeler, but I cannot keep that promise in particular…" He teased looking at Mike.

"Oh man," Mike chuckled softly looking away.

"Off you go, kid. I guess I’ll wait for your sister to come back from driving Henderson home,"

"What if my parents see you?" Eddie chuckled looking at Mike’s stern face.

"They never do," Eddie’s arrogant tone came back "I’ve snuck into your sister’s room countless times before and no one has ever noticed"

"You what?" Mike snapped.

"See? Not even you’ve noticed" Eddie chuckled victorious.

"What the hell is wrong with you guys, seriously"

—

“I know you’re here, Ed. I saw your van parked in the corner…” You said walking into your room noticing the open window.

Normally you’d leave it unlocked, however, not open. At least not when you’d leave the house. And after returning from giving Dustin a ride and chatting with him about the whole Eddie situation, finding your window open and Mike already home, and a very familiar van parked in the corner a few houses away from yours…it was all too suspicious.

"Welcome home, princess" Eddie said emerging from your closet, as he dramatically opened your closet doors.

You met his dark eyes and smiled walking towards him as you wrapped your arms around his shoulders, and he hugged you back, lifting you up. You took a deep breath, feeling the familiar scent of his cologne and cigarette smoke. He did the same thing unconsciously, taking in the smell of your shampoo and his favorite perfume of yours.

"Did you enjoy the ride with Mike?" You asked him breaking the hug.

"We had some bonding time, yes…" He replied as you gave him an approving nod, "You seriously never told anyone" Eddie added, you met his stare and shrugged.

"You told me not to, and of course I was going to keep my promise to you" You said smiling softly at him.

Over the course of your friendship, Eddie learned you weren’t the best at keeping secrets. Or at least to your friends and family. Two years in a row you completely ruined the surprise and always told him what you’d gotten him for his birthday before you even had the chance to hand him his present. He was sure the secret would eventually slip and you’d tell at least Nancy. But not even Nancy knew.

"Your little brother told me you made it pretty clear you had a boyfriend but never talked about him…" Eddie said walking to your bed and sitting on it as you followed him, stopping in front of him, bumping your knees against his.

"Of course he told you…" You chuckled, looking into his dark brown eyes, almost black as you brushed his cheek with your hand.

"He also said that I’m the best that has happened to you?" Eddie asked as you rolled your eyes playfully and he noticed the way your cheeks lit up. "He said, and I quote ‘She never talked about her boyfriend, but she only said he was the best that has happened to her‘ or something along those lines…"

"I-I mean, you know that already, Ed. How many times do I have to tell you that I love you more than anything for you to realize you’re the best thing to happen to me?" You said cupping his face, as you stared at him tenderly. Eddie closed his eyes slowly, humming, as you noticed a subtle blush on his cheeks.

"Hm, I love you too, sweetheart. So, so much, it’s stupid" he said, as you leaned down and kissed him sweetly "As soon as I’m out of here, I’ll catch up with you in Indianapolis, and we can forget about everything else…it’ll be just you and me, babe"

"I can’t wait, Eddie" You whispered.

"Fuck, me neither. I am seriously madly in love with you" He said as he pulled you closer, making you straddle him.

"Good. As you should" You replied with a cheeky grin and kissed him again.

[weirdmageddon]

five years too late let’s analyze this. the commentary has gotten me back into gravity falls reigniting thoughts and insights i came to years ago

i love everything about this commentary in general it hits the points of humor, genuine analysis of the characters, but most of all im so glad hirsch addressed that the droid not detecting any fear from dipper here doesnt make any scientific sense because that was a massive CinemaSins moment for me

IDK the fact that dipper can fucking stand after an airship crash because theres a bigger threat at hand is literally one of the defining capabilities owed to adrenaline lol...... IM SORRY im a biopsychology student if i dont point that out iwill seethe and die because that was just . its a grudge ive held for a long time about this episode but didnt rant about because it was something so minor and i’m sure nobody would care.

i was 13 when this episode came out and i’m almost 19 now, i had a special interest in biology and i still do but now i’m actually having college classes in biopsychology so i can give my arguments more oomph now. and i have to say, now that i know more about the brain and autonomic nervous system the more this scene bugs me, if that was even possible. and it says a lot of dipper and ford’s relationship.

if dipper clearly wasnt calm before, why would he be now just because he’s put up an outwardly confident facade? before he was in the flight but now hes in the fight. my boy just rode on top of a spaceship by nothing but a magnet gun that could detach at any time if it failed and then the ship crashed, he sustained injuries, is in emotional turmoil because he thinks his uncle is Fucking Dead and the threat of a security droid that detects adrenaline is on his tail and produces a Big Fucking Gun in response to dipper saying “i hAvE a MaGNeT gUn” and hes screaming and has his teeth clenched but sure there’s no adrenaline coursing through his body in that moment i can totally believe that

when dipper asks what happened, ford says “the orb didn’t detect any chemical signs of fear, it assumed the threat was neutralized and self-disassembled” but i don’t think measuring someone’s heartbeat alone is particularly relevant in detecting ... chemical signs of fear?? they dont really tell you this shit but noradrenaline (and maybe adrenaline too if the acetylcholine from sympathetic outflow always activates the adrenal medulla??, theres two pathways) is always active in small quantities to make sure your parasympathetic nervous system doesnt slow your heart to dangerous levels on its own, regardless of your emotions. it’s just a homeostatic mechanism. your sympathetic and parasympathetic nervous systems are CONSTANTLY modulating control of your organs on a see-saw, literally with every breath you take. simply standing upright causes specialized mechanoreceptor neurons in blood vessels to signal your brain to project signals to release catecholamines via the sympathetic nervous system to constrict your blood vessels so that blood is able to reach your brain and not pool in your legs. i have a deficiency in my body’s ability to adapt to this which is why i know so much about it. if i stand up my heart races to compensate. i’m not feeling fear, my body is just adjusting—albeit grossly and incompetently lol.

but what im saying here is that the security system is flawed. it’s a cool idea to have security droids detect fear, but in practice by detecting adrenaline, and not even directly by detecting the molecule itself—it’s done in a roundabout way by reading the heartbeat, could be a recipe for false alarms. like what if someone’s on beta-blockers. that’s not really an adequate way to measure “fear”; there’s so many variables that could interfere with the measurement the farther you abstract from what you’re really trying to detect. and besides, adrenaline is NOT just a sign of fear, it’s just for preparing the body for action. i know the sympathetic nervous system and adrenaline is constantly linked with the “fight-or-flight” reaponse to a stressor, but 99.9% of the time the sympathetic nervous system is used in your life is to balance out your parasympathetic nervous system to maintain homeostatic equilibrium for mundane things.

i think detecting amygdalar activation would be more efficient in detecting fear. the amygdala sends projections to the hypothalamus which then in turn modulates the autonomic nervous systems. but the amygdala is intensely activated specifically in response to a fear-inducing stimulus (it does activate in response to other emotions but they’re mostly negative and is most activated by startle and fear), and wouldnt be highly activated by many other confounding variables like measurement of the heartbeat could be. the amygala is one of the first stops directly from external stimuli.

to show you how integrated the amygdala is as the first step in registering fear after receiving input from sensory stimuli let’s look at the auditory-amygdala connection for example

see how the auditory thalamus projects to the primary auditory cortex and auditory association cortex? the cortex is where conscious awareness of what the stimuli is comes from. this is the “high road”. it goes sensing -> perception -> emotional response. but sometimes you can be startled without even processing what it is you’re sensing, like the startle response of an alarm or a phone ringing in a quiet house before you even register what it is. this goes sensing -> emotional response, without perception happening until after you’ve already felt the startle. that’s when it takes the “low road”. here’s a simplified version:

even if that were the case with these droids though it’s obvious dipper is still fearful on some level here. his body language, voice, expressions all give it away. for the amygdala, aggression isnt too off from fear so it would be detected equally.

the reason this is so important is because ford uses this as evidence for why dipper is special, “i did it?” “you did it. this is what i was talking about, how many 12 year olds do you think are capable of doing what you’ve just done?”

but like....did he really? i’m not saying this to shoot dipper down or make him out to be more of a wuss, he was incredibly strong-willed here and i dont want to take that away from him because it WAS growth on his part. but the underlying psychophysiological reactions of aggression and fear shouldn’t be that different and this was a total asspull. maybe the droid was so old that it fucked up. maybe dipper being covered in grime and dirt made it harder for the droid to measure the correct heart rate through photoplethysmography (im assuming since they use a camera and are non-contact).

and in all honesty everything i just said brings into question the interpersonal healthiness of ford’s judgements, what he thinks, his expectations, and how he communicates that. in this video alex already talks about how ford is projecting onto dipper. and i think ford may be projecting his expectations for himself onto people who are not him, and the fact that it’s on dipper here makes it far more unfortunate. you realize how much this boy idolizes ford, right? how much impressions matter? dipper even tells himself before he leaves in this same episode, “all right dipper, this is your first big mission with great uncle ford. don’t mess this up.”

even though it’s unstated, the implicit message dipper is perceiving from ford based on their dynamic is: “do you have what it takes for me to be proud of you?” and to accomplish this he must be like ford, even though he’s clearly not and he knows this. he says “i don’t think have what it takes. i was tricked by bill, i was wrong about stan’s portal, heck, i can’t even operate this magnet gun right.” then, by simple chance without even knowing what he did, he activates the magnet gun and pulls out the adhesive, which immediately takes the focus away from what dipper was telling ford about his feelings of inadequacy to ford saying, “yes! dipper, you found the adhesive!”

these thoughts of dipper’s hang in the air without resolve or comment from ford. we don’t know what ford would have said. but it then becomes painfully self-evident in the scene immediately after when the droids emerge and ford tells dipper, “they’re security droids and they detect adrenaline. you simply have to not feel any fear and they won’t see you”, to which dipper replies with an exasperated (and rightful) “WHAT?”

dipper goes in a panic trying to indirectly tell his uncle that this isn’t something he can do. and he is completely right and valid to be freaked out by that full stop. that IS crazy. you can’t control your fear. you can control how you interpret that fear in your higher brain regions but the physiological changes will stick around for longer than it takes to cognitively calm down. it’s easy for me to detach from my emotions to analyze them, but being able to do this does not come naturally for everyone. even i have an irrational fear of wasps and i can’t control it by detaching myself, my body is just automatically primed to get the fuck out of there. i know it’s stupid and i know it’s irrational and isn’t helpful to get myself worked up but i literally can’t stop how my body reacts no matter how i cognitively think about it. expecting composure from dipper in a situation like this when he’s being made to consciously be aware of his anxiety is absolutely fucking insane. look what you did, placing these cruel expectations on him, now he’s afraid of being afraid! this isn’t a case where two wrongs cancel out, they just stack on top of each other.

there’s a good reason these scenes were put side by side but it seems up until now it had remained unanalyzed.

what dipper fears from ford is disappointment. not living up to his uncle’s (quite frankly badly placed) expectations for a twelve year old with anxiety. not once did ford say or subliminally communicate “i don’t expect you to be able to do what i can since you are not as experienced as i am and that’s perfectly okay, no judgements”. you don’t put a child on bike before training wheels. you don’t throw a kid into a swimming pool without giving them swimming lessons. the way ford is doing it, there’s no room for trial and error or mistakes that are an opportunity to grow and learn; instead, it’s life or death. he only seems to pride dipper on what he can do while ignoring the underlying struggles that plague him and never making it known it’s okay for dipper to fail in front of his hero and that he won’t think anything less of him for it.

and that’s why i found the ending scene for dipper and ford’s adventure in this episode to feel so.. wrong. on a scientific and social level. because by the sound of it ford focused more on what dipper had done to dismantle the droid (the droid not detecting any fear) instead of how dipper displayed love and protection for him even if he was truly afraid. what if the science was accurate and the droid detected adrenaline while dipper was confidently standing up for his uncle. would ford still be proud of him regardless?

[alreadyblondenow]

Sweet | Jung Jaehyun

❤︎ Jaehyun x female!reader ❤︎ Fluff? Smut, Smut, Smut, Smut, Tiny bit of angst, College AU, Established relationship ❤︎ 2/4 for LOVE MONTH SERIES: Boys Don’t Cry One is a big number | You and your words | Sweet | He loves me, he loves me not |

Summary: Jaehyun has always been in love with you but he thinks so highly of you that he never tried pursuing his feelings for you. All throughout your college years, Jaehyun endured every heartbreak secretly whenever you have a new boyfriend and can only love you secretly in his own ways. Wild. College years was wild and its all because of Jaehyun. After college, you and Jaehyun parted ways but life will reunite you again in the most shocking way. Jaehyun’s wedding.  

Word count: 13,707k

Warnings: Sex, sex, sex, and loads of sex, unprotected sex, loss of virginity, making of sex tape (with consent), making of amateur porn? (with consent), cam boys and cam girl?? idk what to call that but they fuck live, mentions of alcohol, period fingering, mentions of tampon, dry humping, oral sex female receiving, mentions of blowjob, slight blowjob scene,  mentions of other idols, swearing, college students who just wanna have fun haha, kissing and touching, fingering, and slight nipple play, mentions of having sex with Johnny. AH SLIGHT BREAK UP SEX! 

A/N: PURE FICTION. PURE FICTION. PURE FICTION. okay, I know I said that this will be out on Jaehyun’s birthday but meh whatever I’m posting it and will post something else for hearts day. hehe. I hope you guys love this even though im just experimenting and trying to write longer fics, and seriously I wanted to write back to back smut with different feels so I guess im crossing that out of my bucket list. Also this is proof read once only so sorry. You may not be happy with the ending but I’m sure as hell happy with it so sorry. ​

Humans are prone to fall in love with the wrong people and the only thing you can do about it is to forgive yourself and move on. No matter how much history you had, no matter how many special moments or intimate ones you shared… if you know that he or she is not the right person for you then, you know.

Like this moment right now. For exactly ten minutes, you will realize why you and a certain someone never worked out.

“Hey, boss you have a 10 am meeting. Planning for everything” Your assistant says as you double-check your schedule to see the name of the client she’s talking about. “That’s the bride though, 0% progress for the wedding” she added.

“Yikes” you murmur and ready your stuff, “let’s fix that and give her a beautiful wedding. I need you to take down everything she says while I talk to her” you straighten your clothes and fix yourself before you face the client.

The moment you enter the room, the bride greets you with a big smile like she’s saying ‘thank you for saving me and my wedding’ even though you literally haven't done anything yet. Oh, you love seeing those hopeful eyes in every bride. “I’m just waiting for my fiancé, he’s the one who recommends coming here and I have a great feeling that I will have a beautiful wedding because of you”

“And my team,” you added and finished her sentence, “I want to introduce you to my assistant, she will be taking care of every request you say during our discussion later”

“And I want to introduce you to my fiancé, Jaehyun,” she said with a big smile and walked towards his fiancé.

And just like that your ordinary day at the office became extraordinary. Because nothing is normal about Jung Jaehyun, nothing is normal about those dimpled smile that automatically makes your heart skip a beat.

“Baby, this is the wedding organizer” her smile has no hint of mock, she’s not even proud that she has a very handsome fiancé and obviously she doesn’t know who you are. She’s just happy that she’s marrying Jaehyun. That’s all. And in those eyes, you see that Jaehyun is in the right hands.

“Mhmm. Me, Johnny, and Ms. Y/n right here are dorm mates. So you’re talking to the best wedding organizer,” you snorted at what Jaehyun said.

“Thank you for that introduction Jung, now let’s talk about your wedding”

And so, you worked your magic to them the whole morning. Explaining things, showing stuff, asking them what they want. From the wedding reception, wedding dress appointments, and picking of cakes… she has no idea of what she wants. Good thing you do know what you’re doing and you planned everything smoothly after a few hours. And for hours and hours, you watched them smile at each other, lowkey flirted in front of you but you didn’t feel any jealousy, hurt, or regret.

When the exhausting meeting was finally done and finally you’re alone at your office, a soft knock brought you back to reality and a familiar voice was behind it. “Can I come in?” Jaehyun asks.

“Of course, it’s open” you watch him enter your office like he’s some kind of a ghost and made the room cold in an instant.

“I just want to say thank you for helping us out- thank goodness the world is small… Literally, the wedding will be a mess”

“Just doing my job Jae,” you smiled sweetly to him, “your fiancé is lovely-“

“I did love you Y/n. And I’m sorry for hurting you like that, I told you, you deserve better. I’m glad we both found our happiness” he flashed that dimpled smile again and thanked you one last time.

The little reunion ended with small smiles, nods here and there, and in just a few seconds Jaehyun is out from your office and quickly replaced by your assistant to give you your afternoon coffee. Awkward and curious, she placed the coffee in front of you. Obviously, she wanted to know your past with the groom. And when she finally dropped the question, you remembered everything, moments crashing and drowning you right this instance.

Eight years ago  

“Are you even trying, you’re no fun!”  

Your best friend shouts at you from the other side of the table, waiting for you to throw the ball, waiting for you to miss. It was just beer pong but you don’t know why the game was so fucking frustrating and no matter how hard you concentrate you can’t score. Maybe it’s because you’re all alone and you’re competing against your best friend and her boyfriend. Fuck that you thought, you don’t need a man.

“Fuck” you murmur and miss again. You watch your best friend’s boyfriend score another one and of course, you have to drink again. But just when you’re about to get the ball from drink, a stranger’s hand was quick to get the cup, remove the ball and drink the alcohol.

“Mind if I join and help you win?” He flashed you a dimpled smile that immediately made you smile back at him. You take back what you said earlier, maybe you do need someone.

“Come on! Let him in, maybe he’s a better competition” your best friend shouts once again. Oh, you’re very happy that you’re not going to the same college.

As you welcome the handsome stranger and gave him the honor of throwing the ball, you warned him first that your opponents can be very annoying but he doesn't seem to care and just let out a small laugh. Cocky you thought, but confidence looks sexy on him.

And finally. Fucking finally, your best friend had a taste of her own medicine.

“I’m Jaehyun by the way,” he was lowkey flirting with you and you’re not stupid to not notice. “Here, I’ll teach you how to throw” he put the ball in your palm and stood behind you, hands on your waist to keep you steady, arms raised together, and you swear his lips were so near at your nape that you got shivers whenever he talks. “let the ball bounce near a cup and it will land on one” he added. But how can you score if he’s making it hard for you? You did it anyways, threw the ball near a cup and he was right. It landed on the cup you wish to aim and finally, you’re starting to have fun.

The game went on and you and Jaehyun flirted, talked, and exchange deep glances the entire game but winning it at the same time. His one hand is always around your waist even if it's not necessary whenever he’s the one throwing the ball, and whenever the other team scores, he’s the one drinking the alcoholic beverage for you.

At the end of the game, you and Jaehyun won the golden prize which is very awkward when he showed it to you.

“All that frustration and competition for a condom?” you can’t believe that the prize is a single condom.

“We don’t have to use it, it can just be our trophy you know” he let out a small laugh and put the condom in his pocket, and changed the subject.

As the night went deeper, you and Jaehyun had your own little world in that corner at the kitchen with a beer in your hand while you talk about your interest from music to movies. It was pretty crowded but no one seems to care especially Jaehyun because he loves how incredibly close he is to you right now. Until a drunk person bumped Jaehyun and he accidentally spilled his beer on your blouse. Seems like the universe is making a way for you two to eventually hook up and use the condom.

“Shit-shit!” Jaehyun was panicking at the moment and he doesn’t know what to do other than remove his hoodie and cover you with it before anyone sees your see-through blouse and took you somewhere less crowded to help you clean up the mess he put you through.

In a stranger's room upstairs, he locked the door to let you change while he looks for something to dry your clothes with. Luckily, he saw a hairdryer and quickly plugged it in beside the bed and started drying your shirt.

You were conscious for some time, clinging to a stranger's blanket with nothing but your pants underneath it. You watch Jaehyun dry your bra, checking it from time to time if it's ready to go. And when it's finally dry, he hands it to you with an awkward smile but still managed to make your heart beat fast. “I’m really sorry,” he started, a quickly avoided his gaze from you again as you turn your back from him, put down the blanket, and wear your bra like there's no one with you.

“It was an accident, don’t beat yourself up,” you said, there’s no way he’s going to let this go you’re sure of it, so with all your bravery, you came closer to him while he's busy drying your blouse and kissed him on the cheek. “You've been saving me the whole night. You saved me from boredom and from losing and now, you're drying my clothes. So sweet of you,” you added and looked at him sweetly, resting your forehead on his and making the moment even more intense by putting down the blanket in front of him. Allowing him to see you with only wearing your bra and pants, inviting him to make this moment unforgettable for the two of you.

Of course, he's not stupid and did exactly what you had in mind. In one swift moved his lips are on your lips, hands on your shoulders to put your bra straps down, and you unclasped your bra and threw it on the floor before you started to kiss him more intensely.

Jaehyun kissed you exactly how you wanted to be kissed, with want and with lust. His breath and the sound of wet kisses sounded perfect as it surrounds the room. You felt him bite your neck then feel him smile against your skin when his intentions of turning you on even more is working.

Kisses became deeper, playful, and wet when he started to go down to your chest and started kissing the valley between your boobs. His big hands knead your right boob, while his left hand is placed on your waist. Oh when his tongue brushed on your nipple for the first time, you rolled your head back and arched your back as if you wanted him to do more and play more with your boobs.

And just like that the cold night became warm and you feel it getting warmer and warmer by every second and it’s all because of Jaehyun.

He flashed a dimpled smile at you when he saw that you're more than liking what he's doing to you and stopped to open the lampshade. The room was immediately softly illuminated which you thought is romantic even though everything that’s happening right now is totally unplanned.

"Your boobs have spit all over, wait let me get that for you" you were just about to tell him that it's fine but he was quick to remove his shirt and reveal his godlike body right before your eyes. “If you just want to kiss and touch the whole night, I’m fine with that but I am very horny right now that I got you covered with spit,” he said while wiping his spit from your boobs and chest using his shirt.  

If you’re perfectly honest, you’re nervous about what can happen in the next few minutes. But there’s no way in hell that you’re going to let this pass, it’s not every day a handsome man is eager to fuck you. You just have to suck it up, not tell him that you’re a virgin, perform and look like you know what you’re doing. "No, it's fine I'm horny too" and you proved it by kissing him again, cupping his face with both of your hands, and with all your strength you roll on top of him. "Wait here," you said as you push him back on the mattress when he tried to get a hold of you.

You went down from the bed to remove your pants and underwear, he did the same as quickly as he can and you think he's cute for being excited to fuck. You crawled in between his legs, sat nicely on top of him but the impatient guy sat up and met your lips again. One hand supporting his weight, one hand on your waist. "You're so fucking beautiful I'm having a hard time to breath for the last few minutes" he whispers so sexily while kissing your jaw, leaving his mark to remind you the next day about tonight.

For a minute, you felt shy because you've never been naked with someone in bed. But the way Jaehyun kisses you makes you trust him, the way he touches your body with care make you want him more. And again, those fucking lips just made you roll your hips against his hardening cock and it made you both moaned so good that he asked you to do it again. And so you did.

Letting his cock slide in between your folds is a new feeling for you. Not even grinding on your vibrator will give you such an amazing feeling. Grinding on Jaehyun's cock while his mouth plays with your boobs felt fucking good that your grip on his locks tightens but he doesn't care. But for someone untouched like you, you made sure you never forget the feeling whenever his tongue swirls while you roll your hips, how he bites your nipples whenever he feels you're slowing down, and the vibrations that share with you whenever he grunts a little too loud and you feel it all over your body.

Soon Jaehyun switched places with you, putting you underneath him to catch his breath and stop himself from cumming. He reached for your hand and hold it dearly, kissing your knuckles and the back of your hand. “Forgive me if I become rough tonight, I can promise an aftercare don’t worry,” he says and gave you one last kiss before he pulls away and gets the condom from the pocket of his discarded pants. Putting the protection in front of you to assure you, thank goodness to that condom you thought.

As soon as he crawls back in between your legs again, his hand moved around your body like he’s telling you he owns you, smiling in between kisses whenever he accidentally tickles you. Hands slipping in between your thighs and fingers brushed automatically on your very wet slit. You jolt because of the new feeling but careful not to show Jaehyun that this is your first time being finger fucked. So you closed your eyes to avoid his gaze but Jaehyun gave your ass a tight squeeze and put his thumb on your wet slit, admiring how wet he made you already which made you open your eyes again and moan his name deliciously.

“I like the sound of that,” he says, kissing your neck and down Jaehyun goes, kissing your body until he reaches your pussy to give you few licks before he fucks you.

The way he licked your wet folds made your toes curl and your legs spread even wider. Pushing his head away, crushing his head with your legs then spreading it wide again, and begged him but you’re not sure what for.  

“Jae- you eat pussy like a pro” or maybe you’re just telling that because it’s your first time being eaten out. That even the way he puts the right amount of force to stop your legs from closing whenever he flicks his tongue is perfect. And when he saw you relaxing and can handle the pleasure already, his hands cupped both of your boobs and pinched your nipples, making you moan his name loudly “Jae!-“ and arch your back as a sign that you’re almost there, and if he doesn’t stop soon you might cum now.

But of course, Jaehyun didn’t stop and made you cum using his tongue for the first time tonight. Your legs felt like jelly and you can even feel that your pussy is still sensitive. “Thought it’s going to be just a few licks?” you said weakly, wiping your pussy juices from his chin and planting a soft kiss on his lips as a thank you, but he doesn’t know that.

“Changed my mind, you taste good. I might even go for another round-“

And right before he goes down on you again, you stopped him and told him you’re still sensitive. Which thankfully he listened and kissed you instead of licking you. And when you’re finally good to go again, he holds you by your ankles, kiss your neck and touch your body for a few seconds before he finally lines his cock on your very wet slit. Sliding it up and down, teasing you and making you horny and even more aroused.  

When he finally pushed his cock in your hole, Jaehyun thought his dick will slide in smoothly because, one, he thought you’re not a virgin anymore and two, you’re dripping on the sheets but still he’s having a hard time pushing in. Then he saw your face, contorting like you’re in pain rather than seeing you furrow your brows, part your lips, and make beautiful sounds.

For you, it fucking hurts and you would rather suck it up than tell him you’re still a virgin and ruin the mood. But the man on top of you is not stupid and surprisingly he pulled out slowly and came closer to your body once again to face you, “I’m about to be your first time, am I right? You’re so tight and I’ve never encountered a hole like that ever since my first fuck”

Busted you thought. You thought of any more ways to get out of this situation but he looks like he’s okay with it. “Are you mad?” you asked shyly and avoiding his stare.

“No” he admitted, “Actually I’m turned on. But I’ll go slow and sorry if I hurt you at first. Want to try again?”

You nod oh eagerly to his question and finally, you can breathe and enjoy the moment. He gave you a few kisses before he continues and went back to lining his cock, he made you wrap your arms around his neck and asked you to spread your legs even wider. And when he pushed in again, there’s that good stretch you’ve been hearing so much about. The feeling of Jaehyun’s cock go slowly inside you was incredibly good even though he’s not fucking you raw right now.

“The condom is thin-“ he grunts and moaned a few times, “you’re so tight. And fuck you look hot. Does it feel good now?” he whispers and started to roll his hips once which made you both moan and let out sharp gasps.

He fucks you slow and deep until the sting from the stretch is replaced by pleasure. You rake his body with your nails, holding him on his nape, and grab a fistful of hair whenever he tries to give you a powerful thrust which you loved so you asked for more.

He sat on his knees and pull away from your body then immediately gave you a hard thrust, watching your boobs bounce with lidded eyes, kneading them whenever he wants to. In a matter of few minutes, his thrust became animalistic that your head is dangling on the edge of the bed, moaning and gasping sharply but the man above you kept on fucking you hard, savoring the condom and trying not to cum so soon. So whenever he’s on edge, he pulls out immediately and spreads kisses around your body, sucking your boobs until your nipples are swollen, playing with your slit until you’re cumming for the third time tonight using his fingers.

“Not yet, I want more time with you,” he says while kissing your neck and reaching for your hand to intertwine it with his.

“Jaehyun, I can’t take it anymore. Please cum already” you begged with ragged breaths.

“Fine, fine. Since you asked nicely, but promise me to give me your number after we fuck”

“I will if you make me cum using your dick” he was amused by your answer and effortlessly flipped you on your stomach and asked you to put your ass in the air. He kissed your shoulders first, making you feel safe before the grand finale. Hands on your ass while he slowly thrust in again and fuck, he does make your knees weak.

“You were just a virgin a few minutes ago, but now you’re begging huh, okay” he says before he gave you a hard thrust that made you land flat on your stomach but he was quick to lift your hips again and give you another hard thrust.

Thrust after thrust you feel the impact in your body and for sure your body will be sore the next day. You call his name over and over again but you’re not sure what you’re begging for because he is fucking you good. Hard but good. And when finally Jaehyun is on edge for the nth time tonight, he did not pull out and kept fucking you but this time he doubled his pace that you can only hear skin slapping and his beautiful moans.

“Fuck Jaehyun- I’m cumming again, don’t you dare fucking stop” you grip the sheets and arch your back more, taking every thrust Jaehyun gives you and shut your eyes close as you let go and cum for the fourth time tonight.

Thrust

Thrust

Thrust

He gave you three powerful thrusts before you both flop on the mattress and catch your breath together. Your bodies were warm and sweaty, the room smelled like sex but no one cares. You feel bad to the owner of this bed.

While you catch your breath and calm yourself down, Jaehyun busies himself with discarding the condom and looking for something to cover your exposed body before he makes a wrong decision like asking you for round two.

“Thanks” you said weakly when he covered you with the blanket.

“I hope you’re okay with me being your first” he says and lies beside you again, keeping you close to him.

“I’m more than okay with it” you kissed him on the lips like you’re keeping a souvenir, “I hate to ruin this moment that we shared but, we have to go back to the party” you watch him shook his head no and pretended to be asleep, “Mhmm. Come on, I’ll help you get dressed” you added.

To be perfectly honest Jaehyun wanted to stay with you for a few more minutes, he wanted to know more about you, he wanted to hold your hand just a little bit longer. “Stay with me” he asks of you, but you refused with a heavy heart. You exchanged cellphone numbers of course, but when you two got back to the party, hand in hand and back to flirting with each other, your friends are quick to get a hold of you. and the next thing you know you’re inside your friend’s car, on your way home and you couldn’t stop thinking about him.

On the next day, you woke up very sore and you couldn’t walk properly but the thought of what happened last night just makes you smile and all giggly. You waited for his text the whole day, checking your phone from time to time and hoping that whenever it beeps, Jaehyun’s name is on the screen but no.

You thought that waiting for him for a day is normal, maybe he got hungover and slept the whole day. But after a few days later, still you got no texts from him and that part is not normal anymore. You started to think that you’re just a one-time thing for him and you feel stupid for even thinking that Jaehyun can and eventually pursue you.

Everything that happened that night, should be forgotten and you should enjoy the remaining months of your summer before you finally move in to your college dorm. On top of that, you deleted his number and tried to forget the man who made you feel good in bed for the first time.

Now that you’re weeks away from officially being a college student, you decided to settle in your college dorm as early as now so you can have more time to know your dorm mates. Little did you know, that the world is incredibly small and you will end up being dorm mates with Jaehyun alongside his best friend Johnny who welcomed you with a big bear hug like you’ve known each other for years.

It’s not that you weren’t happy to see him when he opened the door for you, it’s just that... it was such an awkward moment because you’ve seen each other naked and... he didn’t call you back. Nonetheless, you pretended to know each other for the first time today, shake his hand and give him a hug. Which you didn’t want to end so soon.

“Hey, uhm… glad to see you settle in” he started and closed your door so Johnny would not hear whatever conversation you’re about to have.

“Yeah, thank you for welcoming me warmly. Johnny is sweet by the way” you said awkwardly while folding your clothes and putting them in your cabinet.

“Uh, about that. Uhm, can you uh-“

“Not tell him that something happened between us?” he nods slowly at what you said, “sure” you wanted to scoff so bad and throw a fit at him, but you didn’t want to ruin your move in day and just shrugged it off.

Starting that day, you tried your best not to be awkward with Jaehyun and really try your best to forget about the sex. The sex that felt good, the sex that can make your toes curl by just merely thinking about it. Although you had a hard time because whenever you touch yourself at night, you remember everything that happened between you two and you end up fantasizing about fucking Jaehyun again. But now that you’re living with him and you see him every day, it's not just about the sex now.

During the summer you were convinced that Jaehyun is a guy who had sex with you and left you hanging. But seeing him every day and knowing him even more by living together, the truth about Jaehyun slapped you so hard that you even liked him even more now. He is a warm person, whose heart is full of care and compassion, or maybe even more than that.

Eventually, you did forget about the sex and your little crush on Jaehyun. Thank goodness, you thought. You couldn’t have done it without a few hookups during your freshman year. And when everything is all nice and pleasant again between you and Jaehyun, you became good friends and started to look after each other.

You were like family in that small dorm during your starting years together. The two giant knows how to cook so a good meal is never a problem, you have study sessions whenever it’s needed and whenever someone is going through something, you were there for each other.

It was great and comforting because you do everything together. But not until Jaehyun realized that he’s not immune to your charms anymore and now he’s falling for you. Hard.

Over the years of living together, Jaehyun saw your true colors. Now he knows you’re more than just a hookup. You were a gem that he found in a stranger’s party and he was such a fool for not calling you back during the summer. It’s true what they say that regrets are always at the end. Now he can only admire you and love you in ways where he can’t ruin this amazing friendship that you have.

Jaehyun endured every heartbreak whenever he sees you with another man or hearing you moan from the other side of the room whenever you and your boyfriend have sex. And when that jerk broke your heart, his broke two times than yours because he can’t do anything to ease your pain, make you realize your true worth and help you move on.

“You don’t need that guy,” Jaehyun says as he pulls you for a hug while Johnny massages your toes. The two giants were a good support system, not to mention they really want to beat your ex’s butt but you told them ‘thanks but, no don’t do that’. And while you’re crying in Jaehyun’s arms, staining his hoodie with your tears, he promised to himself that he will never hurt you or make you cry.

Now that he’s frustrated and mad at himself because he can’t help you, he decided to help himself instead. He watched on the sides and used different girls to make him forget about you, which is hardly impossible by now because even the little things you do make him crazy. Like whenever you ask him to eat dinner with you when Johnny is out for work, or whenever you take care of him when he goes home batshit drunk and can’t even stand up straight.

For Jaehyun, his college years were all about yearning. Yearning for you, your attention, your touch, and your love. But even though you’re now single and have already moved on from your ex, he still can’t confess his feelings for you because he believes that you deserve someone better than him. Jaehyun knew he hurt you already, and he will not forgive himself if he does it again.  

Senior year

In a middle of a busy cafeteria, you, Johnny, and Jaehyun are thinking of ways how to earn money for your dorm rent. This semester made you guys bring out a lot of cash because of books and some of your rent money was needed to sacrifice for education. But now that you guys are a month late with your rent, you have no idea where to get cash knowing all too well that your parents won’t chip in.

“I could sell some of my clothes” Jaehyun suggested while drinking his coffee.

“Dude your clothes are all black, no one would ever buy those” Johnny bites back just to annoy his friend. “Though girls will buy it because it’s from you-“

“Stop it with your nonsense John”

“Or! You can sell some of your nudes, I already know a lot of buyers” Johnny added with an annoying smile.

“Or you two can just fuck each other because you’re the hottest guys on campus but your asses are broke” you tease them further but you have no idea that you just gave out the solution to all your problems. “What?” you asked them as they both smile at you, shy for no reason, and eyeing each other like they’re having a secret conversation using their eyes.

Johnny clears his throat before he starts, “You just suggested to make porn… and porn is good money. A few students do it these days” he clears his throat again before he continues, “We know because we watch porn-“

“Okay, I don’t need to know that part. What are you saying? Are you suggesting we make porn?” you said, eyes big as you look at them.  

“You suggested it. Not us. But yeah. It’s good money Y/n” Johnny once again explained.

“Well, okay. I’ll hold the camera while you two fuck. How do we do this?” you avoid their eyes as your body heats the more you talk.

“Nuh-uh, I’m not fucking Johnny” Jaehyun announces.

“Nope. Me too I’m not fucking Jaehyun, you choose Y/n. No hard feelings, but consider the size” he winks but you know that he’s just joking.

Good thing the awkward conversation was cut when your alarm went off and you have to go to your next class. You gather your stuff and told them to think of better ways to earn money because there’s no way you’re having sex with any of them. Especially not with Jaehyun.

The idea of making money through porn crosses your mind every five minutes and you can’t concentrate with your class. Plus, your landlord kept on sending messages reminding you that in three days, you’re going to be two months late with the rent. But still, whenever you imagine having sex with any of them, it gives you great goosebumps and you can’t handle the awkwardness anymore.

After your class, you were spacing out and still weighing things over regarding the porn making, and unexpectedly, one of your friends brought up ‘amateur porn’ and you’ve never been so nervous in your life. She was talking about how she and her boyfriend went live for a good twenty minutes and they made loads of cash, “and guess what, it’s all for fun! We were really just fooling around but apparently, people do love those kinds of stuff and they pay good money”

Your mouth almost fell when she mentioned the cash they earned for only twenty minutes. And in that twenty minutes, you can cover one month's rent pay already. You just have to cum in front of thousands of people. So with a mind blinded by the possibility of earning too much cash, you said yes to the idea of making porn. The only question is, with whom?

Johnny and Jaehyun stood in front of you as they wait for your answer after telling them what your friend told you about making porn. Of course you picked Jaehyun. Not because you miss him, and not because you have history, but because you don’t want to be awkward with Johnny. While Jaehyun on the other hand is feeling proud and hopeful behind that poker face of his, he thought that you chose him because you already know what’s in store for you if you fuck with him again and of course he thought that maybe you miss him.

“Johnny doesn’t really need to hold the camera for us right? We can just place it, and secure it somewhere” you added and watch Jaehyun agree without looking at you.

“You two have the place tomorrow night then. M-make sure you raise the quota and cover three months of payment... for safety” Johnny says to Jaehyun and you with a smile that says, ‘thank goodness I didn’t have to watch you both fuck’.

Before you sleep tonight, unexpectedly Jaehyun paid you a visit. And there’s that nervous feeling again, you feel like you’re back in your freshman days when you don’t know what to do whenever you see Jaehyun and you just have to pretend that nothing is bothering you.

Breathing in and out, you opened the door quickly and went back to your bed and under the covers to cover your exposed legs. Little did you know that Jaehyun already saw that you’re not wearing anything besides your lacy panties and an oversized shirt.

“Your ears are red,” you teased him.

“Well next time you should wear pajamas instead of your underwear to sleep” he winked and placed the mask that you’re going to be using tomorrow and sat on the edge of your bed.  

“What are you? A stranger? You’re so far, come here” you invited him under your sheets and lie in bed face to face like nothings bothering you two. You put your hand above his head and feel his soft locks, careful not to grip so hard and hurt the man you used to have feelings for.

This is why Jaehyun can’t move on from you. You always make him feel like he’s your favorite person in the world.

“Are you going to leave me hanging again after we have sex tomorrow?” You confronted him.

“That’s impossible now, we live together” he giggles and catches your hand so he could hold it.

“Just promise me after the sex tomorrow we’ll still be friends” you felt his grip loosen up like he became hopeless like he didn’t like what you just said.

“I was actually going to say that I want us to try again. Get things right this time”

And in that very moment, your world stopped and your body feels hot, suddenly you’re sweating and your heart is beating faster. To be honest you don’t know what to say.

Then,

“Kidding. I’m kidding. Just making you laugh before you sleep, and y-yeah. I promise nothing will change between us, cross my heart” he got up from your bed, turned off the lights and turned on your lampshade. “Sleep well okay?”

And just like that, he left again. You don’t know if you were relieved that it was only a joke or your heart broke because deep inside, you’re waiting for him to tell you that ever since Freshman year. Nonetheless, you do what you do best. Sleep it off and pretend nothing happened.

On the next day, you were at the kitchen preparing breakfast and spacing out while you flip pancakes. Most of them got burnt and you blame Jaehyun for that.

“I told you to sleep, didn’t I?”

There he goes again, startling you and flashing a very handsome smile at you like you’re not about to do something stupid later. “Johnny went to work early and took an overtime tonight just so you won’t get shy” he hands you a glass of water, figured you might need one because you looked so tensed.

“We can always text him when we're done” you added, he nods. And there’s the awkward silence again.

You finish your breakfast in one go, not even looking at Jaehyun. Usually, during breakfast, you talk mostly about your plans within the day but given the situation right now, obviously, you don’t want to know his plans because that includes you. Good thing the day went on normally. You cleaned the living room, he cleaned the kitchen, you cleaned your room, he cleaned his. You saw him changing his bedsheets and you think that’s a sweet gesture, you wanted to tease him but that won’t help you with your nervousness so you just smiled at him when he caught you looking.

When it’s finally afternoon and you’re going to fuck live in a few minutes, you were surprised at what he did to his room just so you won’t get nervous anymore. The golden ray of afternoon light was perfect and helped you calm in no time, Jaehyun lit some scented candles and lowered the thermostat of his air conditioning so you won’t get cold.

“Thought I should make this special- not that I’m saying our first wasn’t “ he rambles and scratches his head, ears turning red and now you can see that he’s nervous too. “But come on, I want to do right for you” he caresses your shoulders and nods his head as a signal that you two needed to start.

The mood was nothing like your first, there was no sexual tension or any sign of desire to fuck each other. In other words, he looked like he’s just doing this for the dorm rent and you are too. That’s why maybe stripping in front of Jaehyun while your back is against him was easier than you thought. But you didn’t know that the man was craving for you. He wanted to be the one removing your clothes while his lips roam on your neck, make you feel good and wanted just before the live starts. He wanted to do that.

“Remember your promise okay?” You put on your mask and Jaehyun did too. He was still fully clothed and while you’re lying in his bed comfortably, watching him strip in front of you but not for you. The camera is right above your head so the viewers can imagine that they are the ones having sex with Jaehyun. If that won't give you a lot of money then you don’t know what will.

Jaehyun was a natural, you wanted to tell him that he does look like a pornstar but you’re not allowed to talk. When he finally crawled on the bed, straight between your legs and spread them according to his want, a shiver went straight to your spine and immediately made you wet. He shamelessly kissed your inner thighs first and went all the way up until he reaches your lips.

Finally. You both thought.

But his kisses were different and you wonder why. You feel like you’re not kissing Jaehyun because you know how his kiss can affect you, although his touch was still the same. He can still make you jolt and part your lips with just using his fingers and a few teasing here and there. And when he finally put his cock inside you, that’s the part where you finally believe that Jaehyun is indeed the one in bed with you right now. You will never forget how that cock feels inside you, “I miss you” he whispered very softly, hoping that the viewers did not hear it.

Time flies so fast that the live will end in ten minutes now and Jaehyun has been fucking you deep and slow like he’s savoring the feeling again. When you heard him grunt and moan, that made your toes curl and clench accidentally around him. Making him groan a little louder and fuck you a bit faster. You moaned so loud just so he knows you’re very much close to your high, and in just a few minutes you both cum together and the next thing you know he’s pulling out and letting his cum land on top of your pussy lips for the viewer’s pleasure.

Fuck you wish he didn’t pull out.

He grabbed his phone from above you and turned the damn timer off because you may not know, but the timer was screaming at him that his time with you is over. You removed your mask and he removed his too. And there you saw tears in his eyes, or maybe those are sweat? Nonetheless, you asked him what’s wrong and made him look at you. But instead of answering your question, he kissed you. Hands on both sides and cupping your face as he kisses you deeper.

And there’s that kiss you’ve been waiting for. The kiss that you’ve been wanting to experience again for years and years. You shouldn’t be happy, but you’re actually genuinely happy that your rent pay is late and you get to do this again with Jaehyun.

“I missed you too” finally you said it.

He smiled so sweetly to you and went back to the kiss, spreading your legs again, checking your slit if you’re still wet. And without further ado, he thrust in. Slowly again, but this time he’s proving a point. Like he’s telling you something. And now that you can see his face, you can’t help but feel excited and the butterflies in your stomach are very much excited too that you were smiling in between kisses.

“Ride me” he says, and effortlessly he trades places with you. Holding you on your back, lips still locked like you’re not planning to stop any time soon. And for your own pleasure, you guided his hands and made him knead your boobs. He did more than kneading, Jaehyun sucked your nipples and pinched them to hear you moan.

“A lot has changed Jae” you said, pushing him down to the mattress and intertwined your fingers with his, kissed them and placed them on your hips. You started rolling your hips without a warning, making the man underneath you close his eyes and part his lips. There are many things you wanted to do with him now that you had the privilege to ride him, but you decided to go hard because this might be the last time you’re going to fuck Jaehyun again.

You ride him like you didn’t have sex for years. Skin slapping from rolling your hips faster than he expected, letting your boobs bounce in front of him and letting him touch them whenever he wants to. “It’s hard to pull out when you’re on top, want to switch places?” He was struggling to talk, obviously he’s trying so hard not to cum yet but you’re good at what you’re doing.

“Not tonight” and that promise just made Jaehyun moan deliciously like he’s excited to cum now just so he can experience cumming inside you.

“Y-yeah. That’s right Y/n fuck me. Oh you fuck me so good! Shit- why did I ever let you go. Fuck”

The thing is, you love seeing him all fucked up and love hearing him praise the way you fuck him... but he chose the wrong words. And those words went straight to your heart. The words ‘Why did I ever let you go?’ repeated over and over again while you ride so fast that you’re overstimulating him already. He was begging for you to stop but it was too late when you heard him.

When you finally stopped, you see his cum dripping from your pussy even though you’re not yet removing his cock from you. You catch your breath for a second and came closer to Jaehyun. Good thing he has enough strength to hug you and roll you to the mattress so he could have the honor to pull his cock out.

“You’re right a lot has changed,” he says because his silly crush on you grew and grew and now he’s completely in love with you. “Let’s not shower together, I’m afraid I’ll lure you to have shower sex with me”

“And what’s so wrong about that” you bite back.

“Oh so you’re confident now huh,” he kissed you once again, and shit you never want him to leave your lips.

But every good thing comes to an end. You went back to your room and showered separately, as planned and when you went to the living room, he was all cleaned up and looking so fresh. He was wearing his glasses, hair almost covering his eyes, he looked cozy in his oversized shirt and his favorite plaid pajamas. “Come here,” He pats the seat next to him, signaling you to come watch Netflix with him. Surprisingly, his arms wrapped around you and kept you close to him, subtly smelling your shampoo. He giggled at the thought of imagining you taking a shower while smiling because the sex was fucking awesome.

He played a movie and watched it with you just so he can still keep you close to him. Not even halfway through the movie, he caught you sleeping soundly on his lap and slowly covered your exposed legs with the blanket on the couch. He pats and pats your head until his attention was no longer in the movie that he’s watching but his mind lingers to what happened earlier and eventually fell asleep beside you too.

It was very late when Johnny went home and caught you two all snuggled up on the couch, snoring and slept through to what you were watching. He had a hunch that you two had a great time, smiled and turned off the TV, and wished you both a good night's sleep.

“I have bad news” Johnny announces as you and Jaehyun wake up together on the couch, all smiles and in an incredibly good mood but Johnny was quick to ruin that. “The money you earned from yesterday’s live was not enough”

You don’t know why Jaehyun was still smiling at you even though what Johnny just told you completely ruined your day already. “That’s not bad news, right?” He whispers to you and gave you a look. “I’m okay with doing it again until we cover everything” Jaehyun says to Johnny while you three sit in front of each other, drinking your coffees.

“I’ll work double shifts at the radio station- are you fine with doing it again Y/n?” Johnny asks, and for a second there you feel like you’re in the hot seat.

“Y-yeah. I’m okay with it” you scratch your nape and awkwardly sip your coffee, “it’s easy money, I think if we do more lives we can cover three months pay”

“More lives it is. Don’t worry John, I’ll take other slots at the radio station too for groceries and stuff” Jaehyun added.

The live fucking continues and so is fooling around with Jaehyun, having better sex every after going live and whenever Johnny is not around. It’s like playing with fire, but you don’t exactly know if what you’re doing is wrong or right because you’re both single, so why are you guys hiding? You don’t get it, but you just go with the flow, enjoy what’s happening and hope for the best.

Every sex you have grown more and more intense to the point that your beds are moving and that gives you better reviews in live fucking. Not to mention the money is better now and you’re saving up faster than expected. But whenever the camera is off and you’re having sex without an audience, you guys fuck like you’re together and you love each other.

Sweet love bites here and there, sincere praises and longer kisses. For Jaehyun he feels like he’s having a dream because he gets to do the things he wanted to do with you. Remove your clothes while kissing you, whisper the things he has been holding back to say for years, and make you feel loved and important.

And just like the sex, your cuddling session became even warmer and sweeter. Cuddling after you take a shower has always been your thing, he visits you in your room with damped hair and you help him dry his hair, Netflix and chill, or order in and have a great meal together.

Days went by and you’re getting used to this sweet Jaehyun and you well know that’s dangerous. But you love every dangerous thing about Jaehyun. The following days grew extremely sweet and intimate. You sleep in his room every night and basically do everything together from now on. The only time you two were apart is during class hours but after that, Jaehyun is right outside your classroom waiting for you.

“What are you doing?” you giggle and try to finish the book you’re reading in bed when Jaehyun suddenly entered your room, crawled on your bed, and went in between your legs. Removing your glasses for safety, inviting you to fuck while Jaehyun nibs your ear and caress your legs. Oh his kisses always make your head turn and ask for more.

“Johnny is not around and I just took a shower, hmm? What do you say?” He uses that cute tone that can always make you stop what you’re doing and say yes to him. Forget the book, you can finish it later.

Removing your shorts and underwear while he continuously kisses you, smiling and giggling while he whispers ‘you always look pretty’ before he removes your shirt and exposes your boobs to him. You tried getting up and help him remove his clothes, but he stopped you and kissed you down on the mattress. “Nu-uh. Stay there I’ll treat you good tonight” he winked and proceeds to remove his clothes in between your spread legs, your hands roam freely in his well sculpted and fucking beautiful body.

Then he reached for your phone and took a nice picture while you two are kissing. The sound of the camera clicking made your eyes open, “send me this picture later. So I can stop missing you” you smiled and nod, then Jaehyun took one too many pictures so he could focus on you again. When he’s finally contented with all the pictures he got, he finally thrust in deep and slow while his mouth is sucking one of your nipples and he looks incredibly handsome.

This time, it’s you who grabbed your phone and took some pictures of him sucking your boobs and making you feel good, taking some pictures of his cock inside your pussy while he thrusts. Jaehyun had the idea of taking a video while you two fuck but this time, it’s for his and your eyes only. He took the phone from you and recorded how he fucks you good, and did not miss the part where you part your lips and moan.

“Jaehyun I’m almost there” you moan out, fingerings raking his nape or on his beautiful body. He puts the camera on the bedside table with a perfect angle of him fucking you, without masks or any cover. He intertwines his fingers with yours before he fucks you hard and fast. The camera that’s recording everything was completely forgotten and Jaehyun focused on making you feel good, making you cum at least two times using his dick and his fingers.

After your second high you were so exhausted that you were breathing heavily and Jaehyun is helping you to calm down while kissing your boobs and sucking them playfully. Even your cute moments like this was caught on camera and Jaehyun was more than happy about it.

“You okay? Want to cum for the third time?” He reached for your phone, stop the recording and went back in between your legs again and kiss you wherever he wants. You didn’t answer him ‘yes’ because to be completely honest you were still exhausted and he understood you well. For a good quiet minutes he was just staring at you, flashing his dimples, raking his fluffy hair and biting his lips at the same time. The silence felt good and not the usual awkward silence you have.

“The next live that we will be doing is going to be our last. And our dorm rent will be settled in no time” he started.

“And?”

“I’ll miss you”

Ouch. You wish he kept the quietness and peace instead. Just as you thought that life will now let you be with Jaehyun peacefully, here comes the heartbreak again. Truth is Jaehyun is still scared and very much afraid to hurt you that’s why he just wanted to fix himself before he could date you officially. He didn’t want to pursue his feeling with you just because you did porn together and fucked live, no you deserve better than that.

He loves you. So much, but he’s not ready yet.

You wanted to shout at him and asked him what else does he want from you? He is so good at making you feel like you’re always not enough for him and that makes your mind go crazy. He did it again. He left you hanging again when you’ve completely fallen in love with him. Turns out he’s not willing and ready to catch you. But as usual, you do what you do best. Shrugged it off and continue to live like it’s not bothering you.  

The live fucking and porn making stopped for a while because you and Jaehyun have final exams. And the awkwardness between you and Jaehyun came back in no time, nonetheless, it was a good week to have a breather and to let yourself think straight. But still, you can’t help but think about everything and miss Jaehyun.

“Are you on your way home?” Johnny asks Jaehyun through the phone.

“Yeah, just buying us dinner”  

“Good. Y/n is on her period”

“Am I suppose to be happy because I didn’t get her pregnant?” He chuckled proudly and having no clue what Johnny was saying.

“Take care of her she has period cramps dumb ass!“

“Oh right- right… sorry. Okay, yeah”

When Jaehyun arrived with the stuff that Johnny told him to buy for you and the dinner Jaehyun bought you, you were twisting in hurt inside your room grunting and very vocal about the pain while you hug the hot compress Johnny left you when Jaehyun entered your room.

“Ah- fuck it hurts” you groan and curl yourself, pressing that hot compress more on your lower abdomen and endure your period cramps. Jaehyun is just so sweet to stay beside you and rub your back while he watches you suffer.

“I want to help. Do you need anything other than that hot compress?” He was concerned and willing to make you feel better.

“Nothing I’m fine. You’re so sweet” you said in a little irritated tone but you’re not actually irritated with him. He scrolls through his phone with one hand, while the other is rubbing and caressing your back to give you comfort.

“Google says sex is good when-“

“I’m not having period sex with you, Jaehyun” but you do want him to touch you. Stupid hormones. Stupid period. It just makes you crave for him even more, desperate for even a kiss, or even just with his body closer to you.

“Are you horny?” He asks without shame, smiling at you and hoping that you say yes.

“I am” you admitted

“Just say yes, I got you” he was like seducing you, luring you to sin with him tonight while you bleed. And you like it.

“Okay” you answered softly. Shy but he knew you’re not that type anymore.

Jaehyun scoop over and went under the covers with you. Giving you that warmth that you need, making your body warm and comfortable, and basically giving everything you want. He intertwines his fingers with you, kissed your knuckles, and then your lips. Softly. Slowly. It’s every girl’s dream kiss. And just like his kiss, his hand creeps under the covers, all the way down until he reaches your thighs and spread one leg to gain access to your hole.

“W-wait. Let me just remove the tampon” shyly you inform him and discarded it quickly under the covers and throw it into the trash bin. Going back to the comfort that Jaeyun is giving you, his hand went back in between your legs and tease your clothed slit the moment you’re back under the covers. Smiling so handsomely and innocently while he lies beside you like he’s not doing something lustful under the covers.

“Do you think this will work-“ and just before you finish your question, Jaehyun ran a finger on your very wet slit which turned him on immediately. He flicked his finger, drawing small circles in your nub and listening to you moan while your grip on the sheets tightens and try your best not to close your legs.

“Do you like this?” his lips were very close to your neck and the way he talks to you was so sultry that even his words can make you moan.

“Mhmm. F-fuck Jae, my clit is sensitive” but your legs say others wise because you spread them even more under the covers and your hips voluntarily move to meet his fingers. When he felt your legs shake and hear your moans become higher than usual, he figured you were close, went on top of you and started to hump your thigh while his hand is inside your now ruined panties reaching deep in your hole making you feel good and over sensitive. Jaehyun grunted so loud and moaned deliciously beside your ear, moving his hips like how he fucks you and you feel his hard cock poke your thigh from the inside of his pants. Soon, Jaehyun came inside his pants and did not care about being embarrassed.

While you were coming down from your high, the man on top of you kept kissing you like you’re all that matters to him. Even though you well know that you’re just fooling yourself.

The night ended with Jaehyun sleeping beside you and further taking care of you after you both cleanup. But you woke up the next day without him beside you and thankfully, Johnny came out of nowhere to rescue you from your ugly thoughts. He came into your room with a cup of coffee and some bread for you, smiling like he has no problems in life and to be honest, you love how he’s always like this.

Since both of you don’t have classes today, you went to the groceries with Johnny and had a nice dinner at a fast food he loves. It felt great. It felt great to be with a guy who’s not Jaehyun. The man always keeps you on your toes and you feel like your head is always in the clouds whenever you’re with him but Johnny, he keeps you grounded.

“Shoot. The landlord is really testing me- he wants the money tonight or else they have to kick us out tomorrow. Fuck!” He says typing aggressively on his phone, telling Jaehyun immediately.

“Were not due until next week why are they doing this to us. We have no choice but to go live then” you said calmly, unbothered as much as possible because you just want this to be over now and move on from Jaehyun.

“You can't. You have your period and Jaehyun is not available- fuck why is he not picking up”

“There are other ways to make a guy cum Johnny. I’m sure you know that” you chuckle and shook your head in disbelief.

“Still, Jaehyun is not answering” he gave up and put down his phone.

“Well you’re available. I just want this to be over Johnny” clearly he didn’t expect you to suggest such a thing. You continue to eat your food in silence and so is the man in front of you. Obviously, he was bothered with what you suggested but it appears that he has no choice. You watch him fidget on his phone, maybe he’s not yet done contacting Jaehyun and still hoping that his friend will end up last minute but...

“Okay” he let a sigh of relief, “I texted Jaehyun that well do it but we're not going to uhm- uh, fuck. Blow job then? No more, no less? A bit of kissing maybe. Tell me what do you want? I’ll be able to do this comfortably if I know that you like what I’m doing to you”

“Hmm. Okay, let’s start by... be gentle with me. You’re a big guy and you know... what I mean”

“I may be big physically but I’m warm on the inside, being gentle is not a problem” he smiles and pour you a glass of water before he asks for the bill. “What else?” he added.

“Touch me, don’t hesitate. If you feel like my jaw needs rest then you can tell me to stop” he nods and told you he will surely not forget about that.

The conversation went on until you reached home and get ready for the live. Unlike Jaehyun who made you feel so nervous the day you had your first live with him, Johnny makes you feel calm and comfortable the whole time.

Now that you’re in front of Johnny, half naked with only your panties and your mask on, everything happened perfectly. It wasn’t perfect but it wasn’t awkward too, and quite frankly you had fun with Johnny. Even though the audience noticed that you’re not with Jaehyun right now, they can’t help but love Johnny’s hot body too and the way he fuck your face gently in front of the camera. Hands cupping both sides of your face as he thrust his long, hard and veiny cock in your mouth. Smiling through the pleasure whenever you purposely swirl your tongue and bob your head aggressively.

After the cum-filled and messy live with Johnny, you wired the money to your landlord immediately and secure the rent for good until the three of you graduates. Now you and Johnny can breathe normally after cleaning up and enjoy the warmth of your bed. “Do you like Jaehyun?” He blurted out, trying not to look at your exposed boobs but you roll your body and face the ceiling and so his efforts went to waste.

“Yeah but I don’t think he likes me enough. Y-you know what I mean” he shook his head to tell you he has no idea about Jaehyun’s intentions with you.

“Just have patience with him if you like him, after all, you’re the only girl that can do this to him”

“Do what?” you ask with eagerness.

“Did you really think that I won't notice you two fucking behind my back?” You laughed at what he said and laughed your shyness away, “but it’s alright. I figured maybe you like each other so I didn’t dare stop you two”

The giggling and laughing with Johnny under the soft light of your lampshade continued until you passed out and Johnny was the one who helped you get dressed. And on the same night, Jaehyun heard and saw you and Johnny laugh over a half closed door. Seeing your bodies close to each other made his blood boil and became jealous in no time. That’s why on the next day, Jaehyun was expressing his anger while you three are gathered in the kitchen. He’s not saying a word, but he kept on closing the cabinets a little too rough while he prepares his meal. Then it hit you, he’s jealous.

You confronted him and went to his room, closed and locked the door so Johnny won't hear the unpleasant conversation you’re about to have with Jaehyun. “Don’t be angry with Johnny, I’m the one who suggested it-“

“Like that’s going to make me feel better Y/n. Get out, you’re wasting your time” he turned his back and proceeds to fix his bed.

“It’s not like we cheated Jae. Were not together” you blurted as calm as possible. Little did you know that you just triggered something in him that makes him want to punch a wall and pour his anger out but he can’t. At least not in front of you. So instead, he shouted at you. So loud that you got scared for a second there.

“You know, I’m always afraid to hurt you but you! You don’t care if you hurt me!”

“Don’t act as if you love me, Jae. You never did. You never even tried!” You shouted back and walked away towards his door, banging it and walked straight to your room with tears in your eyes.

The fight was short but unforgettable.

Later that day, Jaehyun got worried when you didn’t eat lunch and dinner and your door was still locked and he can hear you crying from the other side. He kept on knocking at your door until you got annoyed and unlocked it but you covered yourself with your thick sheets.

“Come on why are you crying? Don’t cry over a stupid guy like me you don’t deserve it. I’m sorry” you feel his embrace and rub your back so you know that he’s sincere. And finally, you removed the sheets but still, you don’t want to look him in the eye.

You have a lot of questions for Jaehyun, and you think now is the perfect time to cry it all out and let him know what he’s doing to you. Why he didn’t text you back the night after you fuck for the first time, why he never ask you out when he promised he would, why he’s jealous all of a sudden.

FLASHBACK (In the middle of junior year)

It was very late already and some crazy person is ringing your doorbell nonstop. This couldn’t be Jaehyun or Johnny obviously they don’t need to ring the doorbell because they live here and they know the code. That’s why you were surprised that Jaehyun is the one ringing it and turns out he is batshit drunk and can’t even remember the code. “Where is Johnny when you need him” you murmur, “Jae, help yourself too. I can’t carry you all the way up to the fourth floor,” you said sternly to the handsome guy clinging on to you, breath smells like alcohol, eyes lidded but can still appreciate your beautiful face.

When you finally carried him successfully back to your place, without any hesitation he puked on your sleepwear and smiled so sweetly at you like he did nothing wrong. You wanted to slap him and wake him from his drunken state but Jaehyun was quick with his hands and unbutton your sleepwear and used it to wipe the small amount of puke on the floor.

You cover yourself with your arms and walked straight to your room and get a clean shirt before you take care of Jaehyun. He was murmuring “sorry” as he sees you walk away from him and weakly sit on the floor with dirty clothes and hope that you will come back to him.

When he sees you all dressed up again with a damped cloth on your hand, he smiled and spread his arms like he’s about to give you a hug. “Why are you acting cute- here hold this while I remove your socks” you hand him the damped cloth and proceed to remove his dirty socks and throw it with your dirty sleepwear. He looks at you lovingly as you wipe his face with the utmost care, looking at your lips and thinking about kissing it but no. He may be drunk but he won’t do that to you.

“Go on a date with me,” he says while you continue to wipe his face and help him take off his hoodie. You giggle and boops his nose before you stand and help him to get on his feet, “try asking me again when you’re sober” you opened his room door and told him to don’t forget to change his pants and greet him good night.

But after a few minutes, you’re all tucked in bed and half asleep already when you feel a pair of arms cage you. You can still smell his breath and figured maybe Jaehyun is clingy like this whenever he’s really drunk, which rarely happens.

“It's so sweet, knowing that you love me. Though we don't need to say it to each other, sweet. Knowing that I love you, and running my fingers through your hair. It's so sweet” he sings a few lines from Sweet by Cigarettes After Sex and smells your hair until his breath tickles your nape.

Sweet. He’s not only clingy while he’s drunk, but he’s sweet too. “I think I like you more when you’re rarely this drunk” you turn your body and faced him. Seeing Jaehyun with sleepy eyes, lips curved in a weak smile, but arms conscious enough to keep you near him.

“Then I’ll get drunk every day if that makes you love me”

But on the next day, he just thanked you for taking care of him and forgot about the date. And on the next few days and following weeks, you hear him fuck different girls and have one night stands every now and then.

BACK TO PRESENT TIME SENIOR YEAR

“I keep on hurting you I’m sorry. Don’t cry, please. I hate that I’m hurting you. This is the reason why I can’t pursue my feelings for you. I’m a mess and I’m not ready”

And just as you thought that this day couldn’t get any worse. It just did. You look at Jaehyun as he tells you the truth and admits his true feelings with you. How he fell in love with you but chose not to pursue his feelings because he’s not ready and you deserve better. And from there you stopped listening to him and told him to leave you alone. Jaehyun was speechless and hopeless, he wanted to explain and express his long bottled feelings for you but you don’t want to.

All this time you thought that it’s you who’s lacking that’s why he can’t even try and ask you out. But now that you know the truth and he would rather make you feel small than swallow his pride and try to make things work with you, well you just can’t be around him anymore.

Graduation is approaching near and your dorm has been quiet ever since you finished paying the rent and Jaehyun got mad because of what you and Johnny did. You look at the quiet place while you eat your instant noodle and reminisce the good days you spent with the two giants who made your college years unforgettable and happy. Actually, they even made your life easier.

Days become even more lonely now that Jaehyun and Johnny became busy with their last requirements and you’ve been alone for a few days now. You wake up without the two boys, go to class or run some errands, they go home but you’re not home, and by the time you arrive home they have shifts to the radio station again.

Today is your birthday and you spend it with some of your classmates which are all sweet and you treat them to dinner. Johnny left a bouquet of flowers on your bed before he left for work, together with a sweet happy birthday card. And Jaehyun… well, let’s just say that maybe he forgot about it because being a graduating student makes you busy.

While you were having a nice dream of Jaehyun singing a happy birthday song to you with a small cupcake in his hand, in reality, he woke you up by patting your head and a kiss on your forehead, whispering ‘I’m sorry’ and kissing your face until you’re awake and what’s happening right now is finally registering in your mind. You wrapped your arms around him and decided to forgive him for being stupid and accept his apology. “Is this for me?” you point at the chocolate cake on the bedside drawer a blew the candle, making your room dark and only the soft light from your window lights up your room.

“What did you wish for” he came closer to you and rests his forehead on yours. Oh you missed his presence, but all you feel right now is the heartbreak and remember what happened a few weeks ago.

“You, Jaehyun” you whisper and closed your eyes, not caring if there are tears in your eyes. You’re not afraid to show him that you ache for him.

“I told you, I can’t-“ you didn’t want to hurt yourself further and listen to those hurtful words so you kissed him and pulled him on top of you.

Everything happened so fast and naturally. You removed your shorts, he was quick to spread your legs and free his hardening cock. Not even bothering to reach for a condom, he fucked you in the dark and whispered “I’m sorry” over and over again that it hurts your ear and your heart so you put your thumb in his mouth and let him suck it good while his thrust was slowly picking up the pace and you hear skin slapping surrounds your room

“Jaehyun-“ you moan his name when you felt that familiar feeling of being on edge but you’re not yet ready to let go. You’re not yet ready to let him go. So you tried with all your might to clench and stop yourself from cumming but what you’re doing to Jaehyun just makes him want to fuck you more.

And so he did.

He covered your mouth not because he didn’t want to let Johnny know that you’re fucking but because he never wants to hear your beautiful moans again. He closed his eyes so he could no longer see your face and dream about you underneath him, and with that, he continues to thrust so harshly that it’s hurting you so good and your grip on his shoulders will surely leave a mark.

Soon you failed and cum before Jaehyun could. You exchanged sharp exhales, gasps, and quiet grunts before he lies beside you and kiss you deeply the whole night. One last time.  

As expected, you woke up alone in your bed with a sore body. You stretched for a few minutes before you got out of bed and head outside to have breakfast. At first, you thought that you will be alone again today but turns out Johnny is free.

“Belated Happy birthday. Did you like the flowers I got you?” he greets you good morning and gave you a bear hug.

“I did. I put it in a vase, it’s in my room. Thank you” now that Johnny is here and you’re not alone eating breakfast, you can’t help but wish for Jaehyun to be here.

“Jaehyun is uhm… working. I can take you out today, let’s have dinner and celebrate your birthday again. What do you say?” he offers excitedly and even showed you a great restaurant from his phone.

When the evening comes and you and Johnny should be out by now but you were having a hard time to chose what to wear, Jaehyun arrived out of nowhere with a girl on his shoulders. Someone not familiar and they’re holding hands.

“I think your friends are going out on a date aren’t they babe?” the girl asks Jaehyun, like she's tying to get his attention but Jaehyun’s eyes are glued on you. Eyes that are very much sorry because he didn’t mean for you to see his new girlfriend after your birthday. So this is why Johnny was rushing you tonight. He didn’t want you to see Jaehyun with his new girlfriend because he knew it will hurt you greatly.

“Y/n-“ Jaehyun called you but you didn’t bother looking back and told Johnny that you’re ready now… even though your earrings don't match with your dress. If he can try and be in a relationship with someone else then what does that make you? Why can’t he try for you?

The night went on, carrying the lie that you’re okay but to be honest, you don’t want to go back to that fucking dorm. Good thing, Johnny was trying so hard to cheer you up and make you forget about what happened. Which is working and for that you’re thankful.

On the same night, you swore to yourself that you will never let Jaehyun into your life again and make you feel small. You will never throw yourself to him again, or even spare a glance and waste your time with the one and only guy whom you allowed to break your heart over and over again. But not anymore.

Jaehyun was nothing but sweet to you and that’s all he’ll ever be.

Five years later

When you came home from work, you caught your boyfriend cooking dinner with a glass of cold wine beside him. You greet him, “hey” and kissed him on the cheek before you wrap your arms around his strong built body.

“Tired? Hows work? I have big news” he says while stirring something from the pan. You told him he could tell the big news first because he looks excited, and so he did. With big smiles and overflowing excitement, he said that “Jaehyun is going to get married and I’m his best man!” you almost let out a laugh but you stopped yourself.

“Mhmm. Guess who’s taking care of the wedding....” you teased him. But just as you burst your boyfriend’s bubble, his reaction was quite unexpected.

“N-no, don’t tell me it’s you” he suddenly stopped cooking, he wasn’t mad. Just shocked at the moment and because of the big news.

“Johnny- Don’t tell me you’re being jealous right now...” you tease him further, “he’s like a college fling baby, and you’re the real deal!” you kiss him on the lips but he’s still sulking and went back to cooking.

“We both know it’s not just a fling” he whines.

“He’s getting married and we’re literally inseparable. What are you so jealous of? You know I saw Jaehyun looked at his fiancé and guess what,”

“What?” he turns off the stove and prepared two plates for dinner which you helped him do.

“He never looked at me that way, but you did” you see a shy smile on his face now and poke his cheek but he's quick to catch your hand and pull you into a hug. The kind of hug only Johnny can provide.

“Sorry, that was so childish of me”

“It’s okay. Dinner looks good, is this a new recipe?”

Soon after dinner, Johnny expresses his apology in bed in many ways he can, making you feel good and treating you right as always until it became too exhausting because you don’t think you could cum anymore after having your fourth…or fifth? To be honest you’re not sure anymore.

But even though you’re tired and exhausted, you still can’t help but reminisce. Throughout the years of forgetting Jaehyun, Johnny has always been patient with you and waited for you to heal from Jaehyun. Johnny brought you to the movies and went out with you while Jaehyun only promised. It's like Jaehyun kept promising you things but Johnny is the one keeping them.

“I thought you’re exhausted?” He kissed your shoulder to bring you back to Earth when he saw you spacing out. “Stop thinking. I’ll marry you too, you know that right?” oh you know that all too well, so you nod and kissed him. Whispered ‘i love yous’ over and over again, and thanked him for being the one for you. It was never easy for both of you, but still, you yearn for each other. Sometimes, love will point us to the wrong person so we could find the right person to us. Yes, Jaehyun was sweet, but Johnny is not only sweet in fact he showed his love to you since day 1.