#and coke with ice cream in it

[escapismisaddicting]

“Hey! Yeah, Talia, It’s me Jay.”

“No, Bruce hasn’t been causing me any trouble, um- it’s actually the opposite problem. You… you know post-nut clarity? I think I’m getting post-lazarus clarity. You know?”

“Yeah… Talia, you kinda failed to mention all the shit that had changed in Gotham while I was gone. Like sure I have a replacement now whoop dee doo! But like- I also apparently have a charity named after me? All proceeds go to refurbishing crime alley- and apparently it’s been so successful that most kids I knew back then are now working in Wayne Industries. So- And you know that’s not the only thing? I have a park now. Like a genuine park named after me. With a statue of me in the center of a god damn water fountain. My favorite gargoyle was moved to the entrance of the park. Fucking hell Talia- I HAVE A MENU ITEM AT BATBURGER. NOT ROBIN. NOT RED HOOD. LIKE GENUINELY JASON PETER TODD HAS A FUCKING MENU ITEM THERE! IT WAS BASED ON HOW I WOULD EAT IT ON PATROL- I DON’T KNOW HOW TO COMPUTE THIS INFORMATION TALIA!”

[lanaswansblog]

[sweetestgirlblogger]

♡ let me be your dangerous girl - i'm his sweet mess 🎀 dangerous girl - lana del rey

[newwavesylviaplath]

summer's in the air and baby, heaven's in your eyes

i'm your national anthem.

[manorpunk]

[Setup: it's act III, and the major characters on both sides are marshaling their forces and preparing for battle. Jacob Martin Rider has been sent to the front lines and charged with organizing and supplying the war effort]

This must have been Jacob’s office, not due to any features of the building itself, but because there was a pink-haired Slavic twink standing outside the door, wearing a maid uniform and cradling an assault rifle. He had sunken eyes, and his sharp scowl seemed to be the only facial expression he was capable of making.

“State your business,” the twink said.

“Johnny Newsroom. I’ve been here since the beginning, I figured I might be able to help fill Jacob in on what’s going on.”

The twink looked up at him with bored, sullen incredulity. “We got the report you sent. He can read.”

Johnny crossed his arms. “I was second in command until this morning, I think that’s reason enough for me to see him.”

The twink gave him one more sullen look, then stepped away from the door.

“Fine. Have at it.”

“Thanks.” Johnny opened the door and started to walk inside, then paused and looked back. “What’s your name?”

“Anton Smolenski.”

“Anton, would you believe that this is the second time I’ve been unduly sassed by a short, expressionless, heavily-armed Slavic androgene?”

“Yeah. You mentioned Lieutenant Rina Pskovski in your report. Again, we try to read things before driving into an active combat zone.”

“I should try that sometime,” Johnny sighed.

“In transit? In fucking transit?” screamed a voice, hopefully Jacob’s, from the building.

Johnny hurriedly stepped in and closed the door behind him. Inside the office was Jacob Martin Rider, wearing a modern officer’s coat for once, though it had clearly been well-tailored, medals and stripes carefully arranged, and his black boots and gloves had been polished to a shine. Jacob didn’t notice him at first, since he was busy screaming into a phone in his right hand while his left hand held a can of beans with a bulging lid.

“What do you mean this might have happened in transit? Did you ship them through a fucking wormhole? This thing is bulging with god knows what. No. Listen. That doesn’t happen in a couple days. That doesn’t happen in a couple years, not unless the canning facilities are contaminated, which would mean your whole operation is fucked from top to bottom. There’s so much mold in this fucking can they’ve developed their own civilization by now. Yeah, I fucking understand it was a big order, you’re supplying a fucking military operation. Are you just figuring that out now? If you’re having trouble filling it, maybe you shouldn’t have taken the fucking contract. I don’t care if you go over budget! That’s your fucking fault! Listen to - listen to me. I don’t give a shit if your company goes bankrupt and you lose your job and start sucking dicks in an alley. That’s your own fault for taking orders you can’t fill. Listen to me. You’re going to hold up your end the fucking contact. This is not a discussion. This is not a negotiation. This is me yelling at you. If you try to pull this shit again, I’m going to come to your office and shove this can up your ass. This is not hyperbole. I will personally come to your office, bend you over your stupid fucking desk, take off your pants, and shove this can up your…”

Jacob raised the can as if he was preparing to hurl it into the ground, then caught himself and stopped. “Jesus Washington Christ, I almost spiked this thing. It would’ve gone off like a goddamn chemical bomb. I’d be dead before I hit the ground. This thing is a chemical weapon. It violates the fucking Geneva convention. Point being, if you send me any more expired food I’ll have you put on trial for sabotaging the Usonian war effort and it will be a kangaroo court. Do you understand? I asked you a fucking question, do you understand? You’re goddamn right you do. I’ll be personally inspecting the next delivery. Bye.”

Jacob hung up the phone and turned to Johnny. “One second,” he said before Johnny could even inhale, then reached into his pocket and took a small plastic bag of a white powder that was technically unidentified but was absolutely definitely cocaine, and the past few minutes made a lot more sense.

“You aren’t quite what I expected, given your reputation,” Johnny said as he watched Jacob take a key bump.

“Yeah, well, I’m on the clock and off the cock,” Jacob said between sniffs. “You know why I can get away with all this shit? Because I’m good at what I do. You see this?” He held up the bulging can of kidney beans, “your average supply guy wouldn’t give a shit. The average supply guy would probably call the distributor and say ‘hey, how about you send us more moldy shit to save money and we’ll split the difference.’ Not me. A good general is like a father to his troops, you understand? No more of these fucking company men. You ever heard the saying that blood is thicker than water? The full version is that the blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb. The bonds of war transcend even family. Anyway, hi. Johnny Newsroom, right? Can I get you anything? Coffee? Whiskey? Cocaine? Hopefully without any fucking mold.”

“I’ll-“

“I hope Anton didn’t give you too much trouble. He’s the only maid I brought with me. It pained me to part with the rest of them but I had to set an example. Kick out the servants and camp followers, that’s what any good general does. That’s what the Romans did, kicked out the servants and family members and hangers-on. That’s one of the reasons our army was so shit in the late imperial period. All the fucking commissaries and base exchanges, our military installations were just fucking malls. Not on my goddamn watch. Did you need something? Because I have about thirty more suppliers to threaten.”

Jacob was vibrating with energy, a rubber band pulled taut and just waiting to be launched, an attack dog straining against its leash. He seemed like at any moment he might burst into a hundred mini-Jacobs, each one scurrying off to its own task.

[orchidrush]

Malt liquor on your lips

[angie-long-legs]

He's listening to this in his room SHAKING HIS ASS one (1) minute after getting up.

[g0negrll]

cant wait for summer🧋🌺

[msicecreamy]

Mr. Coke and Ms. Ice Cream with the stars✨

[rainyfestivalsweets]

Ok so normally I eat a whole pint of whatever ice cream I get.

I love halotop more, but I love artic zero's calories count better.

1/2 halo top choc brownie, 1/2 artic zero salted caramel. Topped by skinny syrup Double fudge ... which was at Walmart. If only Walmart would sell my real skinny syrups.

So... halotop 180, artic zero, 53.

Same volume but shaved a couple calories. About 120 saved? Not perfect but I will take it.

Everything has been going so slow and my healthy ice creams are really not available much anymore. I am trying to talk myself into getting a ninja creami so I can make my own.

The drawback is I live in a hoarder house and I don't know where I would put it.

Everything has gotten real slow which means despite the exercise I must be eating at maintenance.

Oh bother.

**But I am 130 pounds down and I am not regaining so I am counting that as a win.*

[critterzstimz]

did you know the reason arbys floats put ice cream on top instead of the bottom is because it's soft serve, and the air in the ice cream causes it to float to the top and explodes the drink! but also arbys no longer serves floats so

1 - 2 - 3

4 - 5 - 6

7 - 8 - 9

-Mod 🪼

[music-for-them-asses]

Honestly, I haven't lost any weight since starting this person trainer program--but I can see the results when I'm working out! Certain exercises are getting easier. Yoga is a little less challenging every time. I should probably eat a little healthier, but there's already a difference between me now and me three months ago. And that's something to be proud of!!

[y4rhey]

[cherryrodeoqueen]

[stone-cold-groove]

Who says you can’t top Coke?

[acevity]

[eats nothing but garbage] bro why my belly hurt :(