#and cares abt his friends; knows them well enough to see through their facades

[tart-miano]

Alternate timeline where Sayaka became a magical girl earlier on, and she and Kyosuke talked about things. Which made the situation worse.

[definitelynotshouting]

3am Moldy Martyn Anon Back Again

still rotating hunger au despite the MONUMENTAL EVENTS OCCURRING (as soon as i watch secret life instead of just admiring all the fanart i’m gonna be insane too)

1)

thinking abt the tragedy of current watcher grians existence.

so player grian got eaten, remembers being both the devourer and the devoured, etc etc etc, ship of theseus, we’ve covered that

but also? thinking abt the watcher larva that existed before it became grian.

if it could remember anything from that point, it went from

being cocooned in the not-yet-suffocating love of its caretakers, still so unaware of the scope of its world, taking its first steps, learning how to *be*

to, STRAIGHT TO, DO NOT PASS GO DO NOT COLLECT 200$ NO SNACK BREAKS NO NOTHING, DIRECTLY TO,

knowing far too much. knowing that you’re you, the larval watcher cradled by its caretakers, and also you’re you, the player stolen from his home and friends and everything he’s ever loved by these incomprehensible beings and NOW YOURE ONE OF THEM.

it’s incredibly sad— because there’s no one else for watcher grian to BE, other than grian. The larval watcher hadn’t had a chance to exist before it was someone else. Sure, watcher grian’s got the watcher form and watcher hunger and watcher needs— but there was nothing, really, to differentiate the biology from the watcher that watcher grian was before cannibalizing player grians code.

we are, i think, made up of our memories. There wasn’t enough memories in that larval watcher to be an individual at all, in the face of player grians memories. I wonder if the larval watcher had a name, before grian— did any of the watchers care about it, beyond a being a means of continuing a dying species? or was it always meant to be exploited?

think it would be mad interesting to see that angle as well. yes watcher grian and player grian are, functionally, the same person, just with differing amounts of trauma. But how empty did the larval watcher have to be in order for grian, memory wise, to be the same person?

Like, the question was raised and answered earlier, abt the differences between the player and the watcher grian being a ship of theseus question for both the characters and the readers, and like i said before—

who else is there for watcher grian *to be*????

it’s horrifying to think of the implications of the watchers kidnapping and meddling with the very being of a player. it’s even more horrifying to think they’d be so willing to give up one of their very few and delicate larva to this experiment.

even done in desperation, the willingness to sacrifice a child and irrevocably change them in the name of a nebulous idea they (the child/larva) can’t even understand enough to consent to, is both the most horrifying thing that’s come out of the hunger au and also characterizes the watchers extremely well.

2)

surprise! all that was context for a joke (<- says person haunted by the concept).

aware this isn’t canon but please imagine with me the forever toddler watcher consciousness living in the back of grians head:

grian, starving himself to avoid hurting his friends, going through two death games and maintaining enough of a facade to build some incredible structures: finally. sleep.

toddler watcher living in the back of his head: you got games on your phone? you got candy crush? temple run? doodle jump? You got games? Please? Games?

grian, searching up “lobotomy diy wikihow” on minegoogle: you’re lucky i cant punt you.

call that brain a meat hotel the way it’s— *EXTREMELY LOUD INCORRECT BUZZER*

3)

ever think about how tf the watchers came up with this batshit idea in the first place. like i’m imagining a board room in the void with these solar shrimp/centipede lookin mfers in a suit and tie (the pants are either one big pencil skirt or many formal looking leg warmers), and mx. [GARBLED TEXT] (DUBBED JAMIE FOR TRANSLATORS CONVENIENCE) stands up after doing a line of void cocaine (like normal cocaine except it glows purple) directly on the boardroom’s void table and says “I HAVE A SOLUTION TO THE POPULATION CRISIS. ITS GONNA KNOCK YOUR SOCKS OFF. ALL 8 MILLION OF THEM. EVERY ONE OF YOU.”

dramatic pause.

“WE FEED THE BABIES PLAYER BRAINS.”

a timid hand raises.

“YES [GARBLED TEXT] (DUBBED SALAXANDER)?”

“sorry but uh isn’t that what we already do???”

“NO. SALAXANDER THATS THE BEAUTY OF IT. WERE GONNA HAVE THEM EAT THE PLAYER BRAIN…. AND THEN BECOME THEM!!!!!! NO MORE PESKY BABY YEARS. ONLY CAPABLE WATCHER”

“jamie if this is about the larvae throwing up on you the last time you watched them im awful sorry about that—“

“DO YOU KNOW HOW LONG IT TAKES TO GET REGURGITATED EMOTIONS OUT OF IMPORTED CUSTOM MADE GUCCI???? THE HALF DIGESTED REGRET STAINED THE VIBES FOREVER. AND DONT GET ME STARTED ON WHAT THEY DID TO MY JORDANS— DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH 800 PAIRS OF JORDANS COST?? DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS TO MAKE PLAYER MONEY LOOKING LIKE THIS?”

a deep breath.

“NO MORE BABY WATCHERS! FUCK THEM KIDS. ”

a cheer echos through the room, a near unanimous agreement.

salaxander looks like xier contemplating reducing the dwindling watcher population by one tonight.

DJCJDJVJFJCJDJX no but damn. jokes aside was player eating the first option or did they try other things? it’s not ultimately important, i think, in the scheme of things, but i do think it would be very funny for player eating to be the FIRST resort. like damn y’all saw half an opportunity and jumped on it like vultures on roadkill.

4) re: docs mystery solution i saw someone mention microwaving grian a bit and yknow that one vine where they’re like “GET ON TOP OF THE FRIDGE. GET UP THERE.” and the person climbing the fridge goes “THIS HOUSE IS A FUCKING NIGHTMARE.”? yeah. grian microwave hours.

or or or

grian, getting the Watcher Brain Rumbles: do not contact me i will be microwaved.

someone: what

cut to deep fried image of grian in the microwave with impact font caption being

“he will b

be microwaved”

yeah okay memes MOSTLY aside having to go meditate in the ATROCIOUS vibes room for 30 minutes every day/couple of days beats starving. i’m imagining walking past this thing with like telepathy feels like a concert having a collective panic attack.

5) speaking of docs mystery solution, while i know the fic is focused on grians healing, i’m having fun thinking about the random watcher that sees this and goes “WE COULDVE BEEN DOING THAT THE WHOLE TIME????????” well not random there’s like 40 left but i have to imagine at least one of them is odd enough to go “OH BOY CARDBOARD? SIGN ME UP” we all know someone who would subsist off of like the irl version of soylent green exclusively so i imagine watchers aren’t that different. i’m assuming it’s jamie for my own amusement.

don’t have to bother feeding the baby watchers anymore just stick em in the Microwave Incubator while they flop around.

It’s not Delivery, It’s Docm77’s Mystery Meal Solution!

also side note re the mystery solution i feel like that’s the equivalent of being Watcher Vegan. don’t have any follow up to that lmfaooooo.

wow i did. not expect this to get this long. thank you for your time and i hope you have a wonderful day!

ps: you got a 🍄 anon? i think i’ve sent like four or five asks in the past week so perhaps picking an identifier is not A Bad idea djcjdjxjdjdj

HELLO 3AM MUSHROOM ANON!!! :D ajdhsjdjd ur absolutely free to take the mushroom emoji, i dont think anyone has that rn!!

godspeed on watching secret life, i have a post-finale fic up on ao3 now to read whenever u want if u desire an extra dose of pain LOLOL gods that ending gutted me. ive been deboned like a fucking trout about it

BUT YEAH FOR THE HUNGER AU THINGS...

1.) you raise a really good and interesting point, in that like-- yeah!! the larva didnt have time to be anyone other than Grian, because it was specifically modified from the start to copy over his memory code. the entire time it cannibalized his code, it was copying over those memories, his personality, his stats. from the start, the moment it hatched inside of him it was collecting that data and rapidly copying it over.

i dont necessarily think it was super aware while it was doing that-- i think that as time went on the awareness grew, but it was cloudy and uncertain, not something he remembers very clearly or was processed well. he remembers emergence, of course, and he remembers Player!Grian dying (and feeding on him as he did), but those hazy days before that?? not much more than sense memory, i think.

i think on the Watchers' parts it was an extremely calculated move that came from sheer desperation, and it wasnt made lightly-- Watcher culture is very community oriented, and children are incredibly valuable when you can only reproduce like. once or twice every year or so. it was a calculated risk, but in all honesty, it was less risky to them in the long term than just trying to raise a juvenile from scratch. a child doesnt really know their own limitations; an adult, however, is much more knowledgeable, and in theory is more willing to listen to them when they say "hey if you mess around too much you WILL die." Grian was selected because he was clever and tricky-- the Watchers needed a Player with a quick mind so they could cut down on the amount of teaching they'd need to do..... but what they didnt account for, bc Players are so alien to them (and vice versa) is that ummm . well !!!! Thats Trauma, Babe™<3

it genuinely did not occur to the Watchers that Grian wouldnt want to stay. or, at least, they just didnt consider the traumatic aspect of all this, or the MASSIVE cultural shock. Player cultural values are way different in many ways to Watcher cultural values!!! it was a blind spot they truly didnt account for, and ultimately that was why Grian was able to escape; they just didnt see the attempt coming.

UHHHHHH other than that like-- i dont think the larva had a name?? like, the Watchers cared, of course they cared, but this was about as blank of a canvas as you can get to stretch Grian's memories over. and something to note here for you that you might find interesting-- you mentioned here the horror of the Watchers changing the code of a child who cant consent, and thats super true, it is horrifying.... from ours, and a Player's, perspectives. Watchers are subject to a very orange and blue morality system as opposed to ours, which i find a very neat dissonance in-- yes, its absolutely horrifying for us to contemplate being changed so thoroughly against our autonomy. but for Watchers, who forcibly changed themselves to avoid getting wiped out by the Seekers, who regularly shift code around like its water... thats just a tuesday. idk i just think thats a neat concept to noodle on, and that it highlights how alien their culture is vs ours (and Players, whom are closer to us in terms of cultural similarities)

2.) something something funnier as a system--💥💥💥💥💥💥

3.) i am utterly obsessed with this image youve concocted of the Watcher boardroom (which also might be a consequence of having JUST spent over 5 hrs straight playing Control with my cousin LMFAO) and also,,,,, void cocaine,,,,,, 😭😭😭😭😭 the implication that this is just a normal Watcher board meeting is so fucking funny to me I CAAANT

i dont think it was the first idea they had, because i think they tried for very many years to hold out the normal way-- but with how fragile Watchers are, especially their juveniles, it just wasnt a viable option. so they started looking elsewhere; another option i think they explored was to see if they could try and modify themselves again, but... like i said, Watchers are fragile. capable of really cool crazy things!!!! but theyre a "made of spun sugar and held together with a packet of chewing gum" type beat of an entity, yknow?? forcing another hardcore evolutionary change Just Like That was WAY too risky to try again-- i think a lot of Watchers just straight up didnt survive that initial change, bc when you're fucking with structural code, you're about one misstep away from collapsing like a house of cards.

so thats why they ended up settling on Player conversion, so to speak. it was a calculated way to try and mitigate the heavy infant mortality rates they suffer due to juvenile watchers not understanding their limits-- being able to just skip years of around-the-clock minding and monitoring to make sure a juvenile doesnt die would buy a lot of time for the rest of the Watcher colony to start expanding their numbers, which could eventually bring them back up to a larger population. what they didnt account for, unfortunately, is that there is a HUGE culture difference, and a Player forced to go through something that traumatic is unmmm mm. not going to wanna stick around<3

4.) im so obsessed with how everyone has latched onto the microwave thing wkndejfnekfj its so funny to me bc like i know what Doc's machine is, i know exactly how it functions, i even know the exact components its made of-- im honestly just keeping it a secret for the sake of my own amusement at this point WHEEEEEEEZE so seeing yall go ham in the microwave jokes and the machine speculation is SO funny to me. i cant wait for yall to see what it actually is like im so excited to see the reaction SJDBEJDNSNSN /gen

5.) you're so right, Grian is the equivalent of a vegan Watcher 😭😭😭😭😭😭 SKDNSNDNNSNDKSS

begging to the gods that my readmore works here because holy shit this is a long one. but thank u for the ask and the questions and i am indeed having a wonderful day!!! i hope you have a great one too :] ❤️❤️❤️

[windupaidoneus]

1, 2, 12, 31 for the ship asks >:]

smiles so so big. thank u my friend....... under the cut bc many words. also some of it is kinda spoilery SORRYYY. sniff

1) Who fell first? Who fell harder? depends who you ask. it's a tricky one due to. well. past life stuff... & also how their dynamic started out in current times. for the sake of simplicity though: emet fell much much sooner, & hilde fell much much harder. helps that the guy fucking died on him at his own hands ngl if i was already having conflicted feelings i couldn't quite place i think that'd get me too <- saying this about a self insert he introjected

2) Who is the one who fusses the most? Does their S/O mind very much? you knowwwww it's emet & it's not even close... hilde can fuss here & there but he's also really bad at taking care of himself & emet is number 1 complainer in the whole wide world. he WILL complain about hilde forgetting to take care of his skin, his scales, his meals, how he threw himself into life-threatening danger for the third time this month, how hilde cut his hair just short enough that he can't mess with it as much as he'd like, so on so forth. hilde doesnt mind. sometimes it makes him feel a little guilty but mostly they're proof emet cares, so it's a net positive to him. makes him feel loved

12) What is something their S/O does that makes them flustered? in hilde's case emet will do a lot of things specifically to fluster him so it's hard to list them..... he teases a lot. cant help himself. hilde is less the tease type but whenever he gets really assertive in a situation it does leave emet a bit dazed. depending on what kind of situation it may very well fluster the hell out of him. another thing though. referring to emet as his wife is something hilde did once for fun, he noticed it made emet shortcircuit for a moment & he just kept doing it afterwards (emet gets back at him by proposing first)

31) How would they describe one another. really depends who they're talking to... also at what point in time they're being asked. in the time where they're more stable & Fine though i'd imagine something like "a worrisome fool with a heart too big for his own good always recklessly throwing himself into some danger or another", & "i don't expect anyone to believe it, but despite everything i've seen his heart, and it is good". or on another day "why, the sweetest man you could possibly imagine - especially endearing when he nearly drinks from his pot of ink rather than his cup" & "oh, just the reason i've been late to every morning obligation i've had this past month". they both deeply care of course. emet views hilde as someone with a little too much kindness & compassion (mixes very well with his own crushing guilt but this isn't abt him) but he also knows the "ugly" sides of him very intimately. he once had some reservations regarding them, but nowadays he'd argue they make hilde's kindness hotter. & of course he finds the uglier parts thrilling. he would hardly ever describe him like that, because hes not telling people intimate, private things about his lover, but he's thinking them! hilde of course thinks emet is a grump with a kind heart because that's just what he is. there's a loooot emet has done that is downright unforgivable & he wouldn't deny it (& would've held it against him better/longer if the grief hadn't consumed him to the point it did) but he also wouldn't like. describe him as a seasoned war criminal LMAO. he sees emet for who he is now but also who he used to be, & how who he used to be still shines through despite all the things he's been through. which is reciprocated in a weird way. so he'd call emet a prodigious sorcerer, one praised for his willingness to lend a hand despite his protests, & would encourage people to not be deterred by his perhaps unpleasant facade. that he no longer is the villain he played in the countless stories in which he was a pawn of zodiark. that he is loving & good. sorry i'm getting a little too into it what were we talking about

[trans-luis-serra-navarro]

IM FINALLY GETTING AROUND TO RESPONDING TO THIS RUUUUAAAARRRGGHHHHH‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️

THAT FIRST LINE YESYESYESYESYES YOU HIT ME LIKE A TRUCK W IT BUT YOURE SO UNBELIEVEBLY RIGHT!!!!!!!!! He has this suave ‘gay or European?’ chivalric persona he puts up around Leon and Ada to some extent but I imagine that’s probably a survival tool!!!!!!!!! He was an immigrant poc kid in a completely new world and his only reference for a heroic figure was Don Quixote, of COURSE he’s gonna embody that and continue to through the course of his life!!!!!!!! And that’s not to say it’s a COMPLETE facade- he IS genuinely friendly and a well meaning person!!!!! We all saw how gentle he was with Ashley and how considerate he is with Leon and Ada he SO GENUINELY CARES ABOUT THE PEOPLE AROUND HIM!!!!!!!!!! He’s holding up this suave persona for not just himself because it’s the one thing in life he can control but so others have a beacon of chivalric hope to cling onto too!!!!!!!!

@anininas and I were talking about this the other day too but I would K I L L to see what luis is like in private when nobody is watching him!!!!!!!!!! Does he STILL pretend to be a knight because that’s literally all he has in life he can control and cling onto????????? Or does the guilt overwhelm him so much he breaks down constantly???????? I WANNA ONOW CAPCOM IM SHAKING YOU (plus he SURELY KNEW he wasn’t gonna make it out of Valdelobos on SOME LEVEL so can you IMAGIME him mentally preparing himself and praying that he can do enough for the people around him??????? PLEASE CAPCOM PLEASE-)

YEYEYEYYEYEEYE I think it’s pretty implied to be canon with Los Illuminados at least that he had no choice but to work for them and watch his friends and family be tortured!!!!!!!!! He was probably blackmailed into being their scientist- I mean hell we SAW him get put in a prison and nearly get tortured!!!!!! And with Umbrella- I HIGHLY DOUBT a kid coming from the middle of nowhere would know abt umbrellas evildoings!!!!!! I can only imagine Luis probably wanted and GOT a place where he can feel welcomed, feel like he belongs, feel like he has a family- AND be making a name for himself and climbing out of that very narrow upbringing!!!!!!!!!!

AND ABBWGWENEHENUENEUDNSHDNSJSNSJDMSKS YOU SAID IT SO PERFECTLY IM SHAKING YOU SO VIOLENTLY!!!!!!!!!!! He cant control the past he can’t control the tragedy that follows him wherever he goes he can’t (in that moment) stop the cycle of pain and death and he can’t control the mistakes he’s made- but he CAN take control back of how people perceive him!!!!!! And I think it’s EXTRA DEVASTATING to imagine him being so scared to tell Leon about everything cuz Leon is the only person whose truly looked past that persona and loved I’m for who he is!!!!!!!

AGAIN!!!!!!!!! YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SHAKING YOU BITING YOUR HEAD OFF!!!!!!!!! YEAH PART PF IT IS A PERSONA HES BUILT BUT THATS NOT A BAD THING!!!! ALL HUMANS ATE THE SUM OF OUR PARTS!!!!!!!!!!! HE I S A GENUIENLY H CHIVALRIC AND KNIGHTLY PERSON HE D O E S CARE ABOUT THE PEOPLE AROUND HIM HE CARES ENOUGH TK CHANGE AND TO LOVE A STRANGER (wow that sounded catholic BDNEHENSHSN) BUT YOU GET THE IDEA

IGH YES. When he finally decides to break that cycle- when he finally decides to take control of his life and do something unabashedly GOOD- it costs him his life. Cuz like you said. What’s he got to loose? In his mind he’s practically unforgivable. The world isn’t gonna remember him and he’s gonna be buried underneath the grave of his grandfather.

But again. He has LEON.

Leon- the only guy whose ever seen past him and given him a second chance!!!!!! A chance to change and be loved!!!!!!!!!! He gave him the opportunity to go on his own quixotic adventure and he’s everything Luis wants to see himself as!!!!!!!!! Leon, Ashley and Ada are, to him, his last chance to make it up to SOMEBODY and show that HE CAN CHANGE HE I S WORTHY OF LOVE- he’d be DAMNED if Leon died while he was still alive!!!!!

AND WUAGH DONT MAKE ME THINK AGOUT THE FACT THAT HELL NEVER KNOW IF ASHLEY AND LEON AND ADA EVER DID MAKE IT OUT OF VALDELOBOS PR IF THEY DIED LIKE HIM TOO DONT MAKE ME THINK ABT THR FACT THAT THE LAST THING HE ASKED IS IF PEOPLE CAN CHANGE CUZ HE WANTS ONE LAST CONFORMATIOM ARGH-

ALSO???? The fact that he’s probably under the impression that HES the reason Krauser was lured to Leon????????? THATS SO AHSBWHENEHENEJDDHENEJSNSNSN

Also kinda on topic with this whole discussion of his persona. It’s SO FUNNY to me that he goes out of the way and makes an effort to say ‘such a loss to the ladies of he world, eh?’ Cuz like. Goddamnit you beautiful idiot. Trying to make a humorous joke with your dying breath so the man you love doesn’t worry about you?????? Trying to hold onto SOME semblance of normality????????? I’m cursing you forever and ever

MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM STAB ME IN THE BACK WHILE YOURE AT IT. HES LITERALLY BLEEDING OUT AND ACTUBELY DYING BUT HE STILL MAKES THAT SHOT. HE STILL MAKES THAT SHOT CUZ HES SO DESPERATE AND DETERMINED TO SHOW HE CAN CHANGE. TO SHOW HES WORTHY OF BEING LOVED. HE WPULD DO ANUTHING TO EVEN GET A GLIMMER OF THAT OPPORTUNITY AND HED FIGHT TOOTH AND NAIL FOR IT CUZ LIKE YOU SAID HES LEAD A PRETTY SHITTY LIFE

M M M M M M M M

IMAGINING LUIS BURNING HIMSELD OVER AND OVER AGAIN LEARNING HOW TO HANDLE SOMETJIMG THATLL SLOWLY DESTROY HIM????? TO THE POINT WHERE IT BECOMES AS EASY AS BREATHING??????????? HEY HEY DANTE WHAT IF I STRANGLED YOOOOOUUUUU-

I obviously have never smoked but ARGH YOUR WORDS ARE SO RIGHT THEYRE SO PERFECT YOURE GONNA MAKE ME CRY????? ‘It probably gives him solace to have some control over the poison’ IM DUNKING YOU IN A VAT OF ACID. HE KNOWS THEYLL KILL HIM BUT LIKE,,;, IN HIS MIND WOULD THAT REALLY BE A BAD THING?????? MAYBE HE FEELS LIKE HE DESERVES THE ONLY THING THAT BRINGS HIM COMFORT TO SIMUTANIOUSLY BE SLOWLY KILLOMG HIM!!!!

AND ARGH! ARGH!!!!!! It’s a habit!!!!!!!!! It’s a vice!!!!!!!!!!!! Just like the rest of his life!!!!!!!! He keeps going back to it cuz that’s all he knows!!!!!!!!! He keeps running cuz that’s the best thing he knows how to do!!!!!! He goes back home cuz that’s what’s familiar to him!!!!!! And like you said BREAKING A CYCLE IS SO MUCH EASIER SAID THAN DONE!!!!!!!! AND ITS EXTRA DEVASTATING THAT THE CYCLE HE D O E S BREAK ENDS IN HIM DYING LIKE AHWNWHWNEHWNWJWNEJNDSJSNSJSNJSNSJWNSJSMSJSNEJENSJS AND HELL NEVER KNOW IF YHR PROPLE HE DIED FOR EVEN LEFT THE ISLAND

AGAIN.

LIKE YOU SAID.

THE FACT THAT HE CABT EVEN MUSTER UP THE ENERGY TO LIGHT HIS LIGHTER

A R G H -

Also I think it’s SO POIGNANT that the last thing he does is smoke before he dies. I recon there’s a million and one different ways to look at it but for the sake of this post it’s like. His mistakes will always catch up to him. He just needed a little bit more time- just one more day- one more week- to change and to break that cycle but it was too late. He’ll always find comfort in something he shouldn’t until he meets Leon- who lets him indulge in his cigarettes and quixotic fantasies one last time. Who assured to him that yeah. He has changed.

i am so sleepy right now but i was thinking abt Luis.

And yknow. every once in a while i think about this in horknee context bc this lil skill is just wildly attractive but also i think about how, when Luis spins that lighter so effortlessly, he never once drops it. and the movement is fluid, skilled and he just does it without second thought. Like its long practiced and its been a part of his life for a while. And its something i feel like he started learning to try and look cool.

But he couldnt even flick it open or so much as hold onto it during his final moments. How awful and pathetic must one feel in their final moments as they feel these small things slip away. Something that was once second nature and easy, done like a sort of unconscious stim, becomes impossible as you feel yourself slip away. The lighter tricks wouldve been a skill he'd have put time in to learn, and as small as it is it just shows how rapidly he declined and i cant imagine how deeply devastating that would feel as all that time slips away into something that never mattered as your efforts to be somebody, be who you wanted to be, also slip away. Also goes to show how much he really mustered EVERYTHING he had to save Leon with that gunshot. And

yeah that prolly didnt make sense

I'll prolly have more to say when i can hold a coherent thought but i am so tired

[kirishibi]

Nights Like These | Kirishima Ejirou

Summary: You’re having a rough night struggling with your anxiety and your long time crush, Kirishima, helps you through it

Pairing: Kirishima Ejirou x Reader

Warnings: pretty vivid and possibly triggering descriptions of the physical symptoms and racing thoughts that come with an anxiety attack, non-established relationship, pining, lots of Kiri comfort, so much fluff, very very mild cursing, spoilers abt Kirishima’s backstory, (y/n)’s pretty shy in this one oops

**this fic has a lottt of comfort and fluff in it after the first quarter, but if descriptions of anxiety are triggering for you please read with caution and skip over bits if needed**

Word Count: 2.8k

a/n: chef actually writing for once??? unheard of. anyway, i was struggling really hard this week, so i wrote some kiri comfort because who doesn’t want this sweet boi to hold ur hand and tell you everything’s gonna be okay when it feels like the world’s falling apart.i legit wrote this while crying bruv if any one of my fics is a window to my soul its this one

It began with that all-too-familiar pit of dread in your stomach, an uncomfortable rush of adrenaline in your upper chest that you desperately tried to force away. Trembling fingertips, wobbling knees, the sudden urge to crawl out of your own skin. All you did was get tongue-tied while chatting with Bakugou and a few of his friends, but your fumbled words wouldn’t stop echoing through your skull, the angry blond’s mocking gaze replaying over and over again in your mind.

You barely made it to your dorm before shards of your shattered confidence gathered to form a lump in your throat, and tears stung at the corners of your eyes. You threw open the door to your room, hastily swung it shut as you entered. As heavy wood slammed into its frame, a jarring bang echoed throughout the hallway outside. You physically cringed, brows knitting together and nose scrunching in disgust at your own actions. 

Damn it, you thought to yourself, everyone heard that, and now they’re all pissed at you. 

This happened more times than you could count: one minor mistake drudged up what seemed like hundreds of embarrassing memories from your past, and in a matter of minutes you knew you’d wind up a sobbing mess on your bedroom floor, gasping for air, convinced that the only thing you’re truly good at is being a burden.

There was a dam inside your mind; one that held all of your regrets, self-loathing thoughts, and most embarrassing memories. The multitude of cracks in its foundation threatened to give with every little thing you deemed a screw-up, and in that moment, the dam broke.

A half-complete exam sat before you. Your left leg nervously bounced beneath your desk as a pencil twirled between the nimble fingers of your dominant hand. The eraser of your pencil caught on the surface of your desk mid-twirl, causing the utensil to fling from your grasp. It arched through the air and thumped the boy seated in front of you, Ojiro, right between his shoulder blades. No amount of rambled apologies from you, nor sincere ’it’s okay!’s from the kind-hearted blond could stop that moment from searing itself into your memory. Just another reason you should never leave your room again.

Sinking into an unmade bed, you pulled your knees up to your chest. Feeble arms hugged your legs tightly as you desperately tried to shake the unpleasant thoughts from your own brain. “No,” you pleaded with yourself, “no, (Y/n), you’re not doing this again.” Fingernails dug into soft flesh beneath your school uniform’s knee-high socks, a momentary distraction from the sheer panic swelling inside your chest. Forehead pressed against bent knees, you hoped that if you made yourself small enough, maybe you could disappear entirely. 

Accidentally interrupting someone during a conversation, tripping over your own feet while walking down the hall, getting anxious speaking to your redheaded crush and forgetting what you wanted to say altogether.

You couldn’t help but gasp for air, the angry burning of your lungs only worsening with every shallow breath as hot tears trailed down the sides of your face. There was no stopping the sobs that pushed past your lips, nor the self loathing thoughts that racked your brain. You pressed your back firmly against the cool drywall beside your bed with the vain hope that the sudden chill may keep you grounded.

Nearly spitting out your tea as Kaminari cracked a joke during lunch, not realizing you took someone else’s seat in the common room, bumping into an elderly woman on the train, dropping a handful of textbooks in front of your entire class.

A knock on the door momentarily pulled you from what seemed to be an inescapable frenzy of thoughts. You stumbled to your feet, stole a glance in the mirror beside your bed. Reluctant to allow someone else to see your puffy, red eyes and tear-stained cheeks, you forced yourself to speak up, “uh- uhm,” your voice wavered with every word, but you cleared your throat and continued on, “I-I’m sorry, now isn’t really a good time.”

“Aw,” a familiar voice pouted from the other side, muffled by the wall between you, “well, think ya could let me in anyway?” It was Kirishima, the guy you’d been head-over-heels for since the beginning of your freshman year. 

You refused to let him see you so disheveled, couldn’t bear the thought of willingly adding another embarrassing moment to your catalogue of painful memories. 

“I’m sorry, I- well,” you wanted to lie, to make up an excuse as to why you couldn’t answer the door, but nothing came to mind. “I just can’t talk right now. Do you need something?”

“Yep! It’s really urgent, can’t wait another second!” He eagerly pleaded, and you just couldn’t find the will to say no.

Hastily drying your wet face with creased sleeves and fixing your hair to the best of your ability, you made your way to the door and cautiously inched it open. 

The crimson haired boy stood before you with a box of your favorite candy in his hands and a warm smile on his face. His brows were knit together in concern, tender eyes wholly trained on you. He glanced both ways down the vacant hallway to ensure that no one was within earshot before speaking in a hushed tone, “you didn’t seem like yourself in class today. Like, you were quieter than usual, and then Bakugou was a bit of an ass earlier...“ He nodded to the cardboard container in his hands, “I’ve seen you eat this before and it always seems to put a smile on your face, so I thought maybe it could do the same today too.” His grin faltered for a moment, gaze dropping to the floor as if embarrassed by his own words. “It’s stupid, I know, but I had to do somethin’!”

Despite your best efforts, the happy facade you’d forced on for Kirishima fell, and your eyes welled with tears once again. Your bottom lip trembled as you tried to swallow the lump crawling up your throat. His gaze shifted from the floor, back up to meet yours, and he nearly dropped the container in his hands at the sight of you so close to crying. 

Without a second thought, he threw his arms around your shoulders in a tight hug, “What’s wrong, (Y/n)?” His voice filled with worry, further breaking your heart, “Did I get the wrong kind of candy?”

“N-no,” you whimpered into his shoulder, unable to finish before the words caught in your mouth and tears wet the thin cotton of his shirt . Your arms wrapped around his waist, unconsciously reciprocating his hug. His warmth reminded you of just how long it had been since you’d let someone be so close. Your knees buckled under the weight of your own grief, and before you knew it, Kirishima was scooping you up into his strong arms. He carried you to the comfort of your bed, kicking the door closed as he passed.

“I knew you weren’t okay,” he muttered into your ear, tone much softer than you were used to from the boisterous man. He carefully set you down on your plush mattress, grabbed the nearest blanket and wrapped it around your shoulders, then knelt on the floor before you.

“I’m f-fine,” you forced out, trying to steady your voice but failing horribly, “You can go if you wa-want. I don't want to-”

Kirishima silenced you with a tender palm rested atop your own. “I’m not leaving you, (Y/n). Whatever’s going on, I care about you too much to make you deal with it alone.”

Up until then, you had made it a point to keep your anxiety hidden from your peers. You worried that they would treat you differently if they knew, that they wouldn’t quite understand. But, something about Kirishima told you that he was different, that nothing would change if you opened up to him. Regardless of your fears, the look in his eyes and tender cadence of his voice made you feel safe, like it was okay to be vulnerable.

“I,” your eyes flicked from your lap to meet his worried gaze, “I can’t help but remember everything I’ve done wrong over the years and just hate myself. I hate every mistake, every failure, every moment I did something dumb and didn’t know how to fix it.” Your stomach clenched as yet another sob forced its way past your lips. “I have so many regrets, and I constantly feel like an awful person because of them.”

A calloused thumb brushed along your upper cheek, wiping away the tracks of fallen tears. He nodded along as you vented, as if he understood exactly where you were coming from. Then, when you went silent, he waited for a few beats to ensure you were entirely finished speaking before responding. “I’m sure it doesn’t seem like it, but I used to be someone I’m not proud of either, and, honestly? Sometimes I still don’t like the person I see in the mirror.” He paused for a moment, lips pulled in a thin, contemplative line before continuing, “can you keep a secret?”

You nodded, surprised and mildly confused by his words. Could someone as confident and lovable as Kirishima really struggle with the same anxieties that you did?

He chuckled at the quizzical look you gave him, took a deep breath to steady his own nerves. “So, I actually didn’t look like this back in middle school -- hold up, I think I actually have a picture.” Five fingers flexed around your own, holding you close as his free hand fished into his pants pocket and pulled out a red-cased phone. Within a few seconds, ruby eyes were locked with your own once again, a shy smile pulling at the corners of his lips. “Promise not to laugh?”

The redhead’s grin was infectious, and you couldn’t help but smile with him. Your worries hadn’t been entirely forgotten, but with every word spoken between you, every passing second with his fingers entwined with your own, a subtle calm began to wash over you. “I’ll try not to,” you responded. That seemed good enough for him, and with only a short moment of hesitation, Kirishima turned the phone’s screen toward you to reveal a photo of himself from a few years before. 

Long, black hair framed a round face, slender shoulders slumped and eyes downcast as he stood alone in the courtyard of what you assumed to be his old middle school. Your head cocked to the side, brows furrowed in disbelief as you looked from the photo to the person in front of you. For a moment, you thought he must have been kidding. The muscular, seemingly self-assured man that knelt before you didn’t resemble the boy on his phone in the slightest. “You’re serious? That was you?” 

He nodded, clearly amused by your reaction. You wanted to ask what changed, how he pulled such a total one-eighty, but couldn’t find a way to without sounding rude.

He seemed to read your mind, though, and answered your question without hesitation. “I realized that I didn’t like the person I was, and vowed to be better.” He powered off the device in his hand and tossed it aside, attention entirely back to you, thumb unconsciously caressing the back of your hand as he continued. “I’m not telling you this because I think you need to change. Frankly,” his eyes darted to the floor, voice lowering nearly to a whisper, “I, uh, I really like the person you are now.” He cleared his throat, a pink tinge dusting his cheeks as his gaze flicked back up to meet yours. “I’m telling you this because, like I said before, I’m like you in a way. I can’t help but cringe when I remember the way I used to be, and I still worry sometimes that I haven’t actually changed that much.”

“But you have. I mean, you’re a completely different person now.”

“Exactly. Here’s what I’ve learned: if you cringe at something you did in the past, that’s probably because you’ve matured enough to know you were being dumb back then. Being able to look at your past self and recognize your mistakes means you aren’t that person anymore.” His other hand moved to rest atop your knee, as if he wanted to hold you closer but found himself hesitant.

You felt a weight lift from your shoulders at his words, yet still one question continued to gnaw at the back of your mind. “But, what if I’m beating myself up something I did recently… like,” your voice lowered in embarrassment, “when I a-accidentally threw that pencil at Ojiro, for example…”

“I promise, you’re the only one who even remembers that.” Kirishima chuckled softly, “you’re sweet for worrying about those little things, but no one worth knowing is gonna judge you off small mistakes. I know how great you are, and so does everyone else in our class. You light up every room you walk into, I swear. It’s like you’ve got a second quirk or somethin’.” You giggled, and his smile only grew wider. “I mean it! How could anyone not fall in love with that laugh?” The boy’s face turned bright red, eyes widening in realization at what he had said, grip tightening around your own. “Shit, I mean- well-” he cut himself off, sharp teeth nervously nibbling on his bottom lip.

His words resonated with you, filled the anxious pit in your stomach with warm butterflies and heated your cheeks with a rosey blush. Still, you convinced yourself he was only embarrassed because his words had come out in a different way than he had meant them. There was no way he actually had feelings for you, you thought. He was clearly just being nice. “I-It’s okay, I know you don’t like me like that. You’re way out of my league, anyway.” You forced a nervous laugh, attempting to comfort him through words that burned as they passed your lips.

You thought he’d relax at what you had said, agree with your comment, and thank you for understanding. Instead, he rose to his feet, a look of bewilderment in his eyes as he pulled you up to stand with him. “Do you really think that?” He questioned, expression twisted in disbelief, hurt by your self-deprecating words. His hands gripped yours tightly as you stood only inches from one another. Heat radiated off of his tan skin, shielding you from the chilly air of your room and prickling your arms with goosebumps.

“Sorry to break it to ya, but you couldn’t be more wrong.” Kirishima lightly tugged you closer, closed the distance between your bodies without a second thought. You allowed your chest to press against his, listening carefully as he continued, “I was afraid of making you uncomfortable or scaring you off, so I didn’t say anything before. But, if that’s really what you think, I’ve gotta set you straight. Truth is, I’m absolutely crazy for you, (Y/n). I mean, you’re cute, and sweet, and witty -- It’s impossible to take my eyes off of you whenever we’re in a room together, and just hearing your voice makes me feel warm all over.”

Calloused fingers released one of your hands, traveled up to caress a now-dry cheek. He cracked another sharp-toothed grin at the realization that you were no longer crying. “Can you do me a favor and tell me next time you start to feel all anxious and stuff again? Regardless of if you like me back, I just want to be there for you, whatever you need. It’s not very manly to fall for a girl, then leave her hangin’ when she needs ya the most.”

An eager nod in agreement was all you could manage for a long moment as you stood entirely awestruck by his confession. All you wanted was to find your voice, to tell him how much his efforts meant to you, but the words refused to come. 

So, you did the next best thing.

The box of candies he had brought as a pick-me-up laid forgotten on your bed as tentative fingers gripped Kirishima’s broad shoulders and you rose onto your tiptoes. Without allowing yourself time for hesitation, you pressed pursed lips to a flushed-pink cheek. It wasn’t a large gesture, but in that moment it felt perfect. 

You’d never seen Ejirou smile as wide as he did in that moment, strong hands firmly gripping your waist as you pulled away -- as if to make sure that you wouldn’t stray too far from his grasp. “That settles it then! Tomorrow I’m asking you out properly -- with flowers, and chocolates, and way more than just one box of your favorite sweets… but you gotta promise me one thing.”

“What’s that?” 

“That we’ll take care of one another. I’ll never judge you, hurt you, or belittle whatever you’re struggling with, as long as you promise the same to me, okay? From now on ‘til the end of time, I’ve got your back unconditionally, and you’ve got mine. Promise?”

“Promise.”

[holdvns]

hi friends ! i’m farah nd im coming at u live frm the pst timezone to bring u a new muse of mine. so excuse me as i ramble abt holden under the cut. like this post and i will come bother u for plots?? that or u can im me on here or on my discord (farah#1263), whatever works rlly! anyways, super stoked to be here and to get to write with u all!!!!

(TOBY WALLACE, CIS MALE) - Have you seen HOLDEN DONAHUE? HOLDEN is in HIS JUNIOR year. The PHILOSOPHY MAJOR is 21 years old & is a TAURUS. People say HE is QUICK-WITTED, DARING, IRREVERENT and DETACHED. Rumors say they’re a member of CALLOWAY SOCIETY. I heard from the gossip blog that HIS FATHER PAID OFF THE SCHOOL TO CHANGE HIS GRADES AFTER HE FAILED FOUR CLASSES LAST SEMESTER FROM NEVER SHOWING UP.  (FARAH. 22. PST. SHE/HER.)

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holden grew up between upstate new york and manhattan in an extremely wealthy family. from the outside, his family had the appearance of perfection, but underneath that facade lay years of shocking and hidden family secrets that one way or another got out into society, even if his family tried to put them down as merely rumors.

his father is a highly respected but also deeply feared business man/media magnate known for his cutthroat attitude in his business dealings and personal relationships. he had an extremely difficult childhood, having been orphaned at a young age and passed from relative to relative around europe, many of whom were not very kind to him. still, he was incredibly intelligent and wanted to make something of himself, having this belief in the american dream and wanting to move there if he ever got the chance. after attending college on a scholarship, he was able to use his connections and move to new york, where he founded his own start-up that eventually led to him building his own personal fortune.

his mother was very much a hustler. she grew up poor in new york and at an early age, learned how to use her good looks to manipulate men for the finer things in life. she had a short stint as a model before she met holden’s father, charming him enough to call it quits with his first wife. underneath her obvious beauty, however, was a fiery temper and substance abuse problem. the thing about her was that she really wasn’t made to be a wife and mother. holden’s father thought he could turn her into this perfect socialite/housewife (marrying her and then proceeding to have his older brother, cal, and holden in a very short span of time), but the task proved impossible. she was always only looking out for herself and didn’t enjoy being tied down, certainly not with kids to take care of despite the nannies his father provided. they fought constantly, and their home life was extremely unstable. it was a normal occurrence for holden to see his mother being dragged off to an institution by his father’s security guards or for his mother to use him and his brother as bait to get his father to give her money for drugs, to leave him, or sometimes just to try and get back with him.

eventually, she finally did leave, having told holden and his brother the three of them were moving to los angeles, but leaving without them and dying of a drug overdose shortly after. holden was about six at the time and thinks he has successfully hidden this entire episode from his memory, but it’s definitely something that affects him whether he likes it or not.

although his family claims this was merely just a rumor, it was often said that there was some foul play behind her death and that his father had some involvement, not wanting her to ever leave him and move on with her life. while holden deep down may admit that this could be the case, it’s never something he would really say.

at this point, his father rarely talks about his mother and when he has, he has poisoned her memory so much, holden feels like he never really had one. when he was younger, he’d often make up stories about her in his head, which were far different than who she actually was. it helped at the time, but after a while it was easier to just forget her altogether.

while his father cares deeply for his children and has provided them a life of ease and luxury, he’s certainly not innocent in all of this mess. he’s extremely manipulative and often psychologically traumatizing to them as well. he often finds his children to be lazy and ungrateful and resents the way they’ve been raised (even though it was his own doing), while he suffered from poverty and abuse in his own childhood. he often pits the two of them against each other, always trying to see who’s the stronger, smartest, who will do whatever it takes to be the best, especially because there’s always talk about who’s going to be the one to be the one who’s going to take over when he retires. it is usually said to be his older brother, because it’s no secret that he’s his father’s favorite.

because of this, holden and his brother never really got along. or so it seems. they did when they were younger, but their hatred runs so deep that the even thought of that feels like a distant reality. they’re only two years apart, but they couldn’t be more different. while his brother is a complete perfectionist and will do just about anything to please his father, holden gave up on that idea along time ago. it didn’t matter what he did, he never seemed to be able to measure up against his brother. maybe it was because he was younger, maybe it was because he was more sensitive and seemed to feel things at a deeper level, maybe it was because he wasn’t as competitive, or maybe there was no explanation why his father simply liked cal better. holden’s never seemed to figure out. he’s always felt like the screwup of the family, so eventually that’s what he became.

he started drinking and using drugs at an early age, basically trying anything to mask his pain and trauma. while his brother excelled academically and in sports in high school, holden never applied himself. he fell in with the wrong crowd and gave up his spot on the football team to run around the streets of new york and engage in all kinds of debauchery. it was common for him to disappear for days on end, spending his father’s money and racking up drug and gambling debts. obviously his father wasn’t happy about this and would constantly remind him of that, but he didn’t exactly do anything to stop him either. if this was a cry for help or attention, it didn’t exactly have the desired effect and only left holden feeling empty. 

he started dating this older hippie girl who was in college while he was a senior in high school who influenced him to want to detach from his family and money and the crowd he was running in. he kind of... took it to the extreme and started talking like timothee chalamet in lady bird lmao, even though he reeked of privilege. honestly, it was just another way to annoy his father and brother, which was always his goal at the time. they ended up breaking up because he cheated on her, but he kept some of her ideas and mindset afterwards.

after high school, he wasn’t really sure what he wanted to do. so he ran off to europe for a year and didn’t talk to anyone from home. just traveled around by himself with little money and getting into all kinds of trouble. he probably would’ve stayed longer, but one morning he came across an american newspaper while he was in greece reporting on how his father had suffered a heart attack. he rushed back to the states and luckily his father has survived, but in that moment of weakness he manipulated him into attending college. his father pulled some strings and got him into yates, and while it isn’t exactly his idea of fun, he’s taking it day by day and looking it as another way to push back actually having to enter the real world.

~ personality wise ~

acts like he hates his family, new york, and everything that comes attached with money and privilege, but completely reaps the benefits of all these things when he can. claims everything having to do with high society is vapid and that he wants more out of life.

a bit of a compulsive liar. will make up fake identities and pretend to be other people or tell people he doesn’t know some sob story about growing up poor. rlly just gets off on stuff like that and doesn’t tell the truth. like ever.

doesn’t always like people knowing how rich he is or who his father is. for those that do know, he doesn’t like to talk much about his family. probably won’t ever say a word about his mother.

has no real ambitions in life or any sort-of life plan. has switched his major at least 10 times and never goes to his classes.

very much a hedonist. likes to party and hates being alone. hooks up with too many people and finds it very difficult to be in any sort of real relationship. he’s just not reliable or faithful enough.

also goes through phases where feels like he doesn’t connect with people? or that he hates everyone?

always attracts chaos of some kind. black eyes from a fight over kissing someone’s girlfriend or owing his drug dealer money.

lives life day by day. doesn’t plan for the future. usually always drunk or high.

kind of... morally ambiguous. with the way he was raised, he doesn’t see life as black or white. it’s sort of grey. usually doesn’t do the right thing, usually doesn’t feel bad about it... but there is a heart there somewhere. he just doesn’t usually care enough to use it.

rlly tries to avoid feelings as much as possible. he’s actually quite a sensitive person, but after being constantly told that makes him weak by his father and having a robot of a brother he’s always felt ashamed by that. so he uses his vices to try and not feel things.

wanted plots

hook ups, fwbs, exes, someone he cheated on, friends, enemies, someone he owes money to, someone who knew him grew up and knows his family, someone he actually rlly cares about (romantic or platonic)...i’ll add more to this when i think of more things!

[staarblaster]

Chapter Three

Hey, guys, before I upload chapter three I want to add another really boring announcement. School starts up again in tomorrow days, and I know my uploading schedule will be scarce. However, I will try to have chapters up whenever I can. Anyways here is chapter three and four, four is going up with a separate post. My posting schedule will be pretty random and I will post when I can. Also,, I’m gonna take a hiatus, for a month(?) 

Chapter Three

“The worst loneliness is to not be comfortable with yourself”-Mark Twain

Perfection (n):  the embodiment of being perfect

My grandmother was my hero when I was little she would tell me stories about her childhood. Growing up her father was a sound technician for MGM and her mother did the makeup and sometimes the celebrities would come over on special occasions like her birthday.

I suppose that’s what prompted her to want to work in the media and journalism.

She used to tell me stories of her adventures,  across Europe and her interviews with varying monarchies. It was on a train back to California where she met my grandfather,  she was drinking a scotch soda, which unbeknownst to him was more soda than scotch.

He was deep in a game of poker with several of his friends who were coming down to California, she was drinking a scotch soda, unbeknownst to him had more soda than scotch.

He was deep in a game of poker with several of his friends, she watched in silence with both curiosity and intrigue, occasionally getting glares from the men sitting around the table.

She watched as her future husband flushed hundreds, more like thousands of dollars into the game until she confidently said she was going to play next which got a few hearty chuckles, which caused her to roll her eyes, most of them were drunk and she had a very good poker face.  As the game commenced she managed to not just win back the money but two engagement rings, a pocket watch, and even her husband’s heart.

She used to tell me at the end of every story that curiosity and wit were our greatest gifts and with them, we could solve any mystery.

But once she died she became like a ghost, pictures of her were removed, only leaving rumors of her behind.

I couldn't let her disappear, so I decided to conduct my own private investigation.

When I was a little kid and I found a picture of her and my grandfather and my mom. I smiled as I held my first real lead.

In the picture, my grandparents looked so happy and then I noticed my mom hiding behind her leg. Slowly and gently I tried to remove the picture from the frame,  and as I slowly got it out my mom ripped the picture from my hands.

Her facial expression was a bright beet red as she violently ripped it out of my hands.

“Why can't you just play your role, Juliana? For once I'd like if you kept your nose of business that doesn't even involve you. ”

I felt the tears swell up inside of me. But, instead of fighting back my better instincts (crying) I immediately hugged my mom.

She sighed,

“I love you Jules...  sometimes I wish you'd be normal. Can you do that for me please?”

I nodded my head up and down slowly.

As she tucked me in again,  she kisses my head and holds the photograph in her hands, the next day I decided to take a little more time to try and fit in.

From then on stopped keeping my blonde hair up and let it down, I ditched my glasses for my more comfortable contacts.

I started to get involved more but it never seems to be enough for my parents. They kept insisting that I should do more, eventually leading me to dance and violin lessons (fortunately only lasting two years).

In the dance class, I realized that I was going to need ”subjects” after all a queen couldn't lead on her own.

In the dance class, I found the Chrissy's, they seem to have the dance studio under their boot heel.

If I could “liberate” them perhaps they'd follow me.

It didn't take long before I eventually made two friends in the class, Ophelia and Madison.

Madison was at least five foot eight and according to the Chrissy's had two left feet. She had light dyed purple hair and her eyes were a light Hazel although she seems like the last person that would be in the dance class she could actually dance pretty well. She would put the facade of insecurities but with confidently dance to Tchaikovsky. She was free to express who she was, as dancing was apart of her.

Ironically, however, being raised by a single dad and four brothers she had to keep the tougher shell in class for the sake of showing fragility. However, once she opened up she was loyal, dedicated and a really good listener.

Ophelia had a caramel skin tone, she was shy and had a shortened forearm but had the biggest heart.

She would walk dogs, and volunteer anywhere to show that she wasn't a girl with just a short arm.

As our friendship blossomed we decided that we would have a come have a “dance battle” against the Chrissy’s which was seen as ridiculous. But my girls and I were ready we could be successful.

However, on the day of our “battle” Ms. Clarke surprised us with all one-on-one auditions with Warren Academy, i.e one of the most prestigious art boarding school, it was basically Teen Julliard. Not everyone would make it in (obviously), but if you did you had potential to be a Broadway legend.

Krissy and I were unfortunately paired together and our theme was duality. One of us would play the person staring into the mirror “angel” and the other would play the reflection the “devil”.

Of course, yours truly got stuck playing the devil and Krissy had to defeat me. Everything was going smoothly but as soon as I was getting ready to give Krissy my final blow Krissy had stepped on my ankle hard.

She claimed that it was an accident only to tell her friends that was indeed deliberate which prompted a) Warren offered me a full scholarship b) my parents threatened to sue the dance studio and Krissy's parents of criminal action weren't taken.

Eventually, it was with Krissy being sent to juvie for two to five years.

As I began to start at my new school Maddie, Ophelia and I began to drift away from each other. I had to do well in this Art School even if I was alone.

Over time I gained a sort of popularity stemming from the incident with my ankle it just started casually saying that I broke it following an audition and then warping into a story of me breaking it while I was on a Broadway stage.

My attempts to quell the rumors only spawn more rumors and newfound popularity and a new boyfriend. My life completely changed when I entered Warren and I never expected any more changes.

---

Wednesday’s were personally my favorite day of the week: Dance team and theatre practice. We were putting on the musical Chicago.

I had gotten lucky and was allowed to the Assistant Choreographer.

Between that and balancing four classes, two of which being Advanced Placement it was a miracle I could stay focused.

I heard my phone’s alarm going off as well as an obnoxiously loud knock.  I tried to stop my alarm which was Pink Floyd’s Another Brick in the Wall from the speakers of my phone which I did kind of successfully.

I opened the door, I saw one of the girls from my dance team, her face was completely flushed, it was clear that she had ran to see me.

Her breathing was hitched, I awkwardly invited her inside my single room, and got her some water to drink which she drank eagerly. I recognized her immediately, she was Hana Andersen, a shy yet over-eager freshman on the dance team. She was a little rusty but was a little ball of energy when it came to freestyle.

“Han you wanna tell me what’s going on?” I asked carefully.

My door was closed, so no one could see the empathy I had hidden for years.

Her hands started to shake and I gently started to coax her into speaking, and she gently took a small breath.

“I-I...Don’t think I’m fit to be at Warren,” she whispers.

Her tone is soft and a bit distressed, but still sad nonetheless.

I nodded,  gently taking her hand,

“You know.. I think you do. Everyone’s been in your shoes at least once. Hell, even you can’t expect to become a star overnight. If you want I can help you, at least if you want me too?”

Hana’s eyes light up as well as faintly brimmed with tears and she nods overzealously and immediately hugs me.

“Thank you! Thank you, Juliana...Jules!”

I nod and look at the time, 7:25 am. Shit, if  I’m not careful I’m going to miss breakfast.

“Meet in my room before dinner?”

She nodded again, as she opened the door and smiled, and said

“Pink Floyd's my brother’s favorite! ”

I smile and lie effortlessly,

“Same with mine.”

I closed the door behind me, I looked at the time again, 7:32. There was no way I was going to get breakfast in time, I had to take a shower and get ready for my advanced English class across campus.

I frowned, going straight to the back of my room grabbing my lilac and rosewater body wash.

I pulled out my school sweater and a pair of leggings, fortunately, there was also a pair of flats by my bed frame.

I grabbed my ID plus my shower stuff and was surprised at the silence as I walked through the hallway of my residence hall.

It was a nice contrast from the usual hustle and bustle I usually experienced which came from running several clubs and homework as well as living in New York.

As I got out of the shower and put on my “runway” outfit and I was greeted with several texts from my Dance Team Group chat and Jaxson (my boyfriend).

Where are you 😟

We’re abt to go on!! 💃🏻💃🏿👯

hey babe, dunno if you forgot lol u dont forget. First classes are canceled. the big pep rally with the new students. the dance team is looking for u! 8:25!

My eyes widened in shock, how could I have forgotten that. There was no time to change and I couldn’t miss this especially with the rumor of a Broadway talent scout in the audience.

I texted them both back

On my way!! ✨💜

I grabbed my backpack, my English Book and quickly ran to the gymnasium and I saw my team about to go out on the floor.

“H-hey! I’m here!”

Jaxson immediately hugs me,

“Jules! Thank god! ”

I smiled immediately kissing his cheek.

“Let’s get this show on the road!”

“You’re gonna kill it!” Jaxson said excitedly.

As we get ready to get on the dance floor Hana looks at me and then looks awkwardly at  Victoria who is scowling at me.

Victoria was about 5’7”, dark blonde hair and dark blue eyes, she was the lead in the musical who personally wanted my job as the assistant choreographer.

“What the fresh hell are you wearing?!” she hisses at me as we enter the gym.

I ignore her for a moment, but for a moment smile,

“I’m just showing school spirit”

As the music starts, I feel like I can feel everyone’s eyes on me, people murmuring to each other and then I make eyes with the talent scout. Her eyes are a cold and piercing amberish hazel and I can feel my hands shaking and I get cold and sweaty, it goes black almost immediately.

---

I’m in the woods, its calm, and  I know I’m not home. The surroundings are familiar yet strange and I could assume this could only be how this is how Alice felt when she fell down the rabbit hole.

I turn for a moment, seeing a girl, she couldn’t be older than me but if she is it has to be a least a year’s difference.

She looks at me with a small smile, there is a quartz crystal crown on her head. She walks closer to me, gently placing a warm hand on my cheek. Her voice is calm as she gently says.

“You need to wake up. We’ll meet again soon Jules. I promise”

My eyes shoot open and I realized that I was in the nurse’s office and I see Jaxson is holding my hand. He smiles looking at me with calm jade green eyes.

“You feeling okay?”He gently squeezed my hand.

Jaxson opens his mouth to start talking, almost immediately the school nurse comes in.

“You had a textbook anxiety attack. I’d recommend resting, I’ll write you a note excusing you from class. Just collect your homework.” she says as she writes something down on a blue slip of paper.

Jax holds my hand as I get out of the cot, and I take the blue slip from the nurse’s hand.

“Take it easy Jules... Don’t overexert yourself.” the nurse recommended.

As we exited the office Jax kissed my cheek, and walk around the campus to collect my textbooks.

“You wanna get lunch at my parent’s place. You didn’t get to eat breakfast today.”

I  was about to say yes but I got a text from Reyna, Victoria’s understudy for the role of Roxie Hart in Chicago.

Can u pls pls help w All that Jazz 😟

I sighed, telling myself I’d eat dinner, besides Reyna was more important especially with the show being the first mark as a choreographer. Sure, I had choreographed the dance team routines but this was bigger.

“We can grab lunch tomorrow?”

Jaxson kisses my forehead and walks off.

“Of course love”

Sure np! Lemme drop off my books.

I put my phone in my pocket, and I notice a tour going on the group looks pretty excited, but as the group gets closer, one of the girls sticks out.

She has a small silver stud in her right nostril, and her brown hair has been cut short. But otherwise, her other features look the exact same from when we were kids.

Under my breath, I silently muttered out of fear and confusion.

“Krissy?”

It couldn’t be, could it?

I unlocked the door to my dorm and dropped off my books and texted Reyna to let her know that I was on my way. As I walked into the room I checked my old group chat, the last messages were old invitations and good luck messages from Ophelia and Maddie.

Hey, I know I haven’t been on here much but I’m p sure I saw Krissy? Wanna meet for some 🍕 Maybe @ 7  ✨💜

I shove my phone into my pocket and heading to the music room and I see Reyna stretching on the bar, as she finishes, she notices me and gives me a smile.

“Ready?” I ask her curiously as I set up the music track up on my phone.

She nodded,

“As I’ll ever be.”

I nod,

“5...6, 7,8” As I hit the play button and watched her sing and dance, there were instances where she’s strong like her singing, but her dancing gets sloppy when the chorus hits. When I break down the routine, Rey starts to look and sound polished and I considered starting the routine of the Cell Block Tango when the bell rings, bringing lunch and our practice to a close.

“Thanks, Jules! You’ve saved my ass!” She hugs me happily and walks off.

I smiled and head back to my room ordering some lunch cause I am starving, I order a simple grilled cheese sandwich and tomato soup, and as soon as I arrive I feel so much better and start with writing out my notes.

---

As the day slowly begins to wind down, slowly begins to wind down, I can see the sun begin to set. I check the old group chat for anything from my last message about Krissy and is met with silence, I sigh as I get myself in some dance clothes in preparation for practicing with Hana.

I check my phone again, still nothing, and as I let out a sigh until I heard a knock on the door. As I opened the door to see the smiling face of Hana who immediately hugs me.

I smile faintly,

“Okay, you ready to get to work?”

She nodded, her eyes light up instantly

“Heck yeah!”

I chuckled remembering my own enthusiasm from last year.

“I’ll go first.I’ll see how you do.”

I hit the play button and Zella Day’s Hypnotic comes on and as I count myself in, I let the music flow through me.

I smile a bit making myself look as if I am a siren entrancing a sailor in Ancient Greece. When the song ends Hana is staring, her hands visibly shaking.

“You’ve got this” I remind her gently.

She nods weakly and as I started the music she tries to replicate my moves, just like Reyna she is strong in some spots. I smile and start to dance with her until she’s more comfortable.

It’s not long before she’s getting it, I smile giving her a high five as she starts to nail the moves.

“Thank you so much, Jules!!”

I smile,

“Don’t mention it. I was gonna grab some pizza. You wanna join me?”

She nodded eagerly.

“Come on now! I’m paying.”

---

As Hana and I finish our pizza its almost 7:40, we’re laughing and joking but we pass by my house. All the lights are off, except for my bedroom light and the one in the attic. I also notice that my parents aren’t home, and  I stare at the window.

Hana looks up with me,

“Jules? You okay?” Han asks gently.

I blink snapping out of it,

“Yeah... You go back to Warren I’ll catch up. ”

She rose an eyebrow,

“You sure?”

I actually wasn’t too sure in all honesty, but instead of sending her away, I politely and calmly whispered.

“Keep watch.”

She nodded, but gasped silently,

“What if we get in trouble?”

I chuckled,

“This is my house, we’ll be okay..”

I went around back to the emergency exit and smiled looking at the slightly faded pink blossoms. I hated to uproot them but I found the spare key taking it to the front door. I ran back down and opened the door.

Hana looked around, her face etched with fear.

“Jules!” She whimpered.

“It’ll just take a minute!” I insisted.

As I go up the stairs to my room, I cringe at some old pictures, remembering how many hours it took to get right. I  push the door open to my bedroom, everything appears to be normal except a box made out of faded old wood is in the center of my bed.

I grabbed the box and closed the door and put the key back under the pot, and lead Hana back to Warren.

“That’s enough excitement for one day,” I say examining the box.

I run my fingers over it, and offer Hana a chance to look at it.

Hana picks it up, her hands fumbling over it, and the box awkwardly fell out of her hands.  The box falling to the ground,  a wedge from the bottom, peeking out. As she hands it back to me I slowly pry it back its contents spilling out. Letters, Photographs; all things that I’ve never seen except the one of my grandmother and my mom hiding behind her leg. Hana and I start to go through the items and in the slew of things there was a white knight piece. Hana is holding an envelope with a letter and I’m looking at a picture.

It looks like a simple polaroid, that says: Me, Andrew, Patrick, Oliver and Sophia. Sophia’s hair is a dark black, and flowing. She is smiling a bunny ears. The other three boys are smiling in their uniforms.

“Hey Jules.. You should read this.”

I nodded and reading out loud, holding the envelope that was awkwardly torn.

January 11th

Dear Sophia,

I am writing this letter as a warning. In three days time He will find you. He has been in my dreams quite frequently and I fear he knows about the iteration. You have to hide it, you and Jeremy have too close with Daisy. And I know after our disbandment we promised we would never talk again but I pray to Elysia he doesn’t find Daisy. The vision that caused our severance is much clearer to me. The Demon King will return this iteration.

Run Sophia Run

Yours

The name is cut off but all I can wonder is who is Sophia?

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[cosmostellar]

Connie in Stevens role au

Connie was mostly raised by the crystal gems, struggles with social interactions, feels isolated from the Beach City ppl

a first few episodes are mostly just Connie interacting with the gems, you get to know who the gems are on the surface level + Connie’s father is introduced

Connie’s dad is still a security guard and Connie is very insistent that it’s not only her moms who fight for the gems, her dad does too!!

Doug is initially disregarded as a “just human” by the gems, but later becomes a more active part of the team and is never left helpless

however, he does travel throughout the entire state most of the time

he always finds some time for his daughter when Connie wants to talk via phone and loves her deeply, but sometimes Connie feels like he isn’t there enough which only adds to her general anxiety

Connie is a pretty cautious person, her big issue at first is how much she overthinks things and hesitates - she wants to help the gems but she isn’t sure how

she brings the fresh blood of new ideas and new outlook into the gems’ life

she reads A LOT, both fiction and non-fiction, and often talks to the crystal gems about the past events, even the brutal ones such as wars; easily makes connections between whatever she reads about and whatever is happening in the gems’ lives or happened in the gem history, is more inquisitive abt the gem history than Garnet, Amethyst and Pearl wish she was at this age

Pearl constantly gets fictional stories and non-fiction mixed up sfddsfd Connie is like “George Washington” and Pearls like “oh isnt he that mage from that book youve read last summer???”

Pearl is EXTREMELY frustrated abt things such as Arthurian myths because it EITHER IS HISTORY OR IT ISNT HISTORY WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT CONNIE

and Connie is like “well you were there right???”

Pearl, remembering how she was thirsting after Rose in the middle ages: .......i do not think i was in that particular place during that time period, no

oh RQ =/= PD in this au, Rose Quartz was just a soldier with a lot of secrets who helped an enslaved Pearl escape, she did indeed shatter Pink Diamond + Pearl was indeed a renegade

the Bismuth arc plays out COMPLETELY DIFFERENT because Connie always needs to see and understand all sides of the conflict and even then she sometimes can’t decide or feels uncomfortable with deciding, in a way she is fascinated by Bismuth’s new perspective but v unsure bcs this is not how she was taught, they sit down and talk together for a very long time

Connie is generally not as uncomfortable with the idea of killing for the greater good since she knows history, she still feels weird with the idea of doing it herself and would rather spare people if she had to

she sometimes struggles with expressing or even understanding her feelings very much which makes the gems initially think she’s much more mature and responsible than she really is

Amethyst is from the beginning introduced with attempts to deal with her issues; she tries to put her self-worth into the hands of others, that is, she is the one who goes to Beach City, she is the one known by everyone there, she seems outgoing, she has friends there

or rather “friends” bcs no one really knows how insecure Amethyst is under all this Attitude, they only know one side of her and Amethyst feels even worse because in some way she is just fooling people into liking her since she can’t make Garnet and Pearl like her

she doesn’t realize that the part of her Beach City people like is also her

Connie is just the awkward girl always hanging in the background and has a much worse relationship w/ Beach City people than Amethyst does, she has a hard time connecting to people

first real attempts she makes are actually bcs Amethyst encourages her to do so which probably leads to Connie discovering more abt Amethyst’s self-worth issues

(before that Amethyst is kinda The Coolest for Connie since Connie really wishes she was better with people and Amethyst has that trait, people look at her and talk to her and she is amazing and Connie is just there, too awkward to stutter a full sentence)

at some point after shes more socially developed Connie decides to actually go to school because there are so many things the gems simply can’t teach her (this is also connected to her arc of idealizing the gems less and less, she has so many questions they are unable to answer)

during the Homeworld arc Connie tries to get her way out of there, helps Blue Zircon with the case, they actually manage to run away together

Blue Zircon is super anxious after that and Connie is too so its GREAT

there would be no murder mystery so there’d have to be a different kind of trial put there BUT: Connie takes Blue Zircon to Earth and they become very very good friends because they are both extremely inquisitive and interested in puzzles and logical solutions

Connie shows Blue Zircon mystery novels and Blue Zircon is DELIGHTED

Connie-Peridot mutual awkwardness

Peridot and Lapis are an actual addition to the cast, appear regularly, have their own motives

EACH BEACH CITY EPISODE IS MADE TO FURTHER AN ARC OF ONE OF THE MAIN CHARACTERS, EITHER CONNIE OR ONE OF THE GEMS

at first they are mostly abt Connie’s social anxiety and her attempts at understanding the human part of her heritage better, she reads about it a lot but she wants to have a better insight in practice

and also the whole Amethyst thing

an episode that is just Pearl taking Connie to some party the kids from school throw

Pearl thinks it’ll be HardcoreTM but its really just kids sitting around talking, Pearl is awkward

gOOD GOD LET PEARL HAVE ACTUAL INTERACTIONS WITH HUMANS, LET PEARL STOP SEEING THE PLANET EARTH AS ROSES-AND-ONLY-ROSES THING, LET PEARL FALL IN LOVE WITH THE THING SHE’S FIGHTING FOR FINALLY BECAUSE OF THIS INCREDIBLE LITTLE HALF-HUMAN WHO WONT LET HER FORGET THAT PEOPLE CAN BE COOL

at some point after heavy stuff happens Connie starts seeing a therapist

Lapis is also encouraged to do so, the idea Lapis is at first repulsed by and it takes her some time to actually see it in the realm of possibilities

Connie starts seeing a therapist because of Doug’s influence and help

Doug, as a guard, went through pretty heavy stuff himself and therapist’s help is just a very natural part of his life and he knows it helps and he doesnt want to leave his daughter completely alone with her psyche after so many fucked up events including the whole intergalactic war thing

Lapis and Peridot do live together but only after they get to know each other better and are able to be healthier and more functional with each other

Lapis doesnt know where to stay and for some time shes just a free bird, she disappears and reappears randomly; she is afraid of commitment, she is afraid of finding someone she’ll like, she is terrified of facing her own feelings, its bizzare how shes finally free and all she really wants is to lie somewhere and die

in some ep she meets Doug who kinda takes care of her in this non-invasive way Lapis needs which makes Lapis come back more and more; she doesn’t officialy travel with him but she kinda does, for some time

bcs goddamit Lapis’s problems are fucking heavy and she needs adults who will help her figure it out, Connie is like what, thirteen??

aka: Lapis is Doug’s grumpy adopted teenage daughter and you can f ight me

also Pearl dates some human women, then Bismuth is unbubbled and after some time she and Pearl slowly start having a thing

it’s an incredible chance for Pearl to actually revise her past: to bring the events of the war to the surface and see them from a new perspective, to have a new understanding of herself and her past actions, to finally deal with all those heavy fucked up feelings that have never been properly worked through because Rose never really gave her the chance or support to do so

it’s sometimes very ugly, and it’s a lot of crying, and sometimes Pearl is just weeping silently for a very, very long time, but Bismuth is there for her

since Bismuth isnt rebubbled in this au bcs Connie actually listens to her point, Bismuth is keeping up the facade of just being magically found in the lion for some time more

one day when Pearl is just hanging with her in her workshop Bismuth finally tells her abt why Rose bubbled her which brings a whole new light to the picture of Rose Quartz Pearl has; Pearl has never thought that Rose could bubble someone like this, especially someone like Bismuth

Pearl is the support Bismuth needs, Bismuth is the support Pearl needs

Lion actually has a name here bcs Connie names him - more specifically, like 343234 different names because Connie is so damn indecisive

Connie asks questions. so many questions

[tiny-little-bird]

Jonsa isn't happening. The show wouldn't waste time on creating a relationship between Jon and Daenerys only to forget about it in season 8. There is only 6 episodes left. Not enough time for anything. JONSA ISN'T HAPPENING. I'm even a fan of the ship but I know it's not happening in the show (or the books)

The show wouldn’t have wasted time on creating a relationship FULL of romantic tropes and parallels between Jon/Sansa and Ned/Cat, Jaimie/Brienne, Gilly/Sam, Robb/Talisa, and even Cercei/Jaimie, only to forget about it in Season 8 🙃

They would not have wasted screentime on creating a relationship, between Jon and Sansa, where they work as a team, where they take back their home TOGETHER, where Sansa is the mind and Jon is the sword, where they complement each other, where Jon starts acknowledging her intelligence, and actually begins listening to her, where they deeply bond and form a strong relationship based on trust, openness, partnership, companionship, communication, love and support, only to forget about it in Season 8 🙃

Jon is as closed as a pearl shell with Dandelion, he hasn’t told her A SINGLE thing about himself. Idk abt you, but I’m 1000% sure Jon isn’t in love with her, and 1000% sure that Dany is in love with the idea of him, and that’s it. 

Like for crying out loud, she doesn’t know anything about him! He hasn’t shared not even a small piece of personal information with her. THAT is HOW you bond with a person, the bonding has happened on her part only, only she, kept sharing personal stuff with him, it has been one sided since day 1. Which, has literally given Jon access to HER weaknesses and soft spots.

All she knows about him, is that he’s honorable, brave, a good commander/fighter, that the people love him and admire him, thus they chose him to be their King, to lead them, and that he took a knife to the heart, died for his people, and then came back to life. 

I repeat, she’s in love with the idea of him, because, she thinks, she sees herself in him, because she thinks he’s as magical as her lol Only, they could not be more different from one another. They have different goals, different ways of approaching certain situations, one would die to protect those he loves, for the greater good, the other has seen the army of the dead, 100.000+ of them, and yet still hesitates to help, because she is too self absorbed and obsessed with power and ruling. But she doesn’t know just how different they are, she doesn’t know what and how he really thinks, because she knows/because he hasn’t shared NOTHING personal about him/himself. I mean look at it this way, boasts around all these titles, “the unburnt”, while jon calls himself The King In The North and that’s pretty much it, we don’t see him calling himself, “the resurrected”, or “the undead”, idk, they ARE opposite of each other. 

Dandelion is entitled, tyrannical, pyromanic, narcissistic, power hungry, unpredictable, impulsive, doesn’t know how to rule, has no respect for other cultures and their traditions, doesn’t care about “the people”, she likes to say that she does, I think part of her/her ego believes that she does, but she doesn’t, at all, it’s all about her image, how she wants to be perceived, it’s all a facade, deep down she’s not like that at all. She wants people falling at her feet in adoration, that’s her narcissistic side, she has a golden child too (Drogon), also part of being a narcissist, she like to be in the center of the attention, she likes power. Shecan sometimes display mercy and goodness, but only if it serves to preserve her image, and even then, her impulsiveness can get in the way of her “I am a good person, I care for the people” idea of herself and murder in cold blood (Randyll and Dickon)

Jon is none of those things, idk how some of you

He hasn’t told her anything about Sansa, about Bran and Arya, as if they don’t exist, he doesn’t give any info away to her about himself about his family, because he’s weary of her, and fears/he thinks she might find his weakness, or the Starks’ weakness, and use them against him, his family and his people, he can’t afford something like that. He does not trust her, and love, cannot exist without trust. Just look at how quickly he opened up to Gendry, he smiled, and laughed, and joked with him, from second 1 lmao THAT is how our Jon is, and not this “weary, always calculating and watching what he says” version we’ve seen with Dandelion.

I honestly don’t know where y'all Jondelion fans see love between them, but you do you, whatever floats your boat, I guess 😅😅

Their bond is supposedly based on what? Oh yes, talking about the Night King, and about the Wights, oh and yes, talking about the Night King, and of course the Night King too, also the White Walkers, oh and I almost forgot, The Night King as well, you lost two brothers too *crickets*, The army of the dead, The Night King, you took a knife to the heart *doesn’t open up about it, denies it (but he did tell Sansa all about it and more)*, the Night King, they’re going to come see you for WHAT you are (not WHOM, but WHAT, that s*it sounds ominous af), The Army ofthe dead, and the The Night King, we’re all gonna die if you don’t help, the Night King, the Wights. Like seriously, what even lmao

WHERE is the bonding? Just, WHERE?

Jon looks at Sansa in a way he’s never looked at Dany, he looses himself in her eyes, more times than we can count, and Sansa was fully clothed the whole time, just sayin’ 🤗 Sansa “can TWIST him, like no one else”. We’ve never seen Jon look at Dany tenderly, smiling tenderly and genuinely at her, we never saw him, sighing at her, while he lingered longingly on her eyes, he never longingly stared at her lips, not even in the boatbang scene lol The lip staring, seems like something Kit does, a lot, when he’s around a love interest in movies etc. it’s kind of his signature move. I mean he did it with Sansa/Sophie, why not doit with Dany/Emilia too? If he’s so in love with her? hm?

Care to explain the need of this VERY “platonic” scene, with VERY “platonic” looks and lip staring contests? 🙃

The above scene was intense AF. You can try and fight me on this. I agree brothers might give their sisters a foreheard kisses, I get it, okay, but that forehead kiss is usually followed by a sweet, tender smile, a pat on the back or a pat on the head even, idk, but in no universe brothers stare with that type of intensity in their sister’s eyes after a forehead kiss, okay? 

If y'all brothers do that, they’re broken, and need repairing asap lol Jokes aside, I’d be worried and creeped tf out, if my brother kissed me like that, and then leaned in a little, stared deeply, intensively, and seriously into my eyes, and THEN stared at my LIPS!!! Oh hell no 🤢😷😖😖

There should’ve been a smile from the two of them, if they meant to pass this forehead kiss as platonic, the smiles would’ve added a familial feel to the kiss. Instead, Jon is all serious and has intense heart eyes for her, in the first gif, he LEANS IN towards her, after ending the kiss (for a second there, many people thought he was gonna kiss her. I watched that episode, with two male friends, whom I should add, both have sisters, and let me tell you, they were confused af by this kiss). 

Sansa was just as bloody confused as my friends (lol), by what Jon kissing her made her feel, you can literally see it on her face (3rd GIF), when Jon ends the kiss, she had to legit take a moment to recollect herself and, then, she looked at his lips for a moment, and then straight up in his eyes, no smile from her either, instead, she looked at him with a rather, vulnerable, confused look.

Care to explain these very “platonic” looks and strong “platonic” moments between them too?

Have y'all see Jon laugh or smile with Dandelion, like at all? Cause I sure didn’t.

And this very “platonic” arm grab and spin around, which is LITERALLY taken out of the “How to show Two Charachters are in Love, for Dummies” book? Care to explain this one too? 

D&D have used said book, A LOT, for Jon and Sansa. I mean come on! He looks at her, then at her hand, and then back up, which she kept there on his arm, she didn’t let go of him, when he spun around. So why, why have these scenes, if they mean nothing, they’ve had so many romantic tropes in their scenes, that at this point is RIDICULOUS lol 😆😆

Jaimie and Tyrion are legit going to be like,

when they watch them interact “platonically” in season 8 lol 🙈😂😂

Not to mention that, Jon and Sansa have had more scenes, and more screentime together, than Jondelion. lol

So don’t come here telling me, “they won’t have time for Jonsa to happen in 6 episodes”, because Jondelion boatbanged in roughly 4 episodes, with no bloody build up too lmao Jonsa already has a more than SOLID foundation, they don’t need more buildup, cause they were already built up in season 6 and 7. 🤗

After the secret is out, watch Sansa propose the match herself, it’s the most logical of things, she knows it’ll strengthen the North, and will secure her place at Winterfell, Littlefinger unknowingly planted the seed in her head, when he talked about a marriage alliance between Dandelion and Jon. By marrying him, she would never have to leave her home, ever again, she won’t ever have to marry some stranger, she’d marry someone she loves and whom she knows loves her back, someone she knows will NEVER hurt/harm her in any way, someone who has been nothing but, kind, gentle, loving towards her, and whom she knows respects her and appreciates her. 

And Jon, he would finally become a Stark. I 100% see Jon taking the Stark name through Sansa, thus finally becoming a Stark, something he’s always wanted. He’d have a strong, intelligent, kind and beautiful woman by his side, he’d finally have the family he’s always dreamed of. Once The secret about Jon comes out, not even a marriange alliance between Jon and Dandelion will make sense, they’d be gaining nothing from it lol The north would hate them and oppose them both, and they would NOT be uniting the South with the North like so many Jondelion fans say. A Jonsa marriage is inevitable in S8.

Jondelion was rushed af, and yet you come in my askbox saying that there’s not enough time for Jonsa to happen? lol When they had plenty of scenes togeter in 9 episides, and even after they parted, they kept popping up in each other’s conversations? They have a strong bond based on trust and love. They are open with each other, Sansa yells at him, he yells at her, they fight, they make up, they talk it out, just like a real married couple 😆. Jon gives Sansa a sense of security, he’s made her feel cared for, and safe, after so many years of feeling anything, but that, and she’s returned that love a thousandfold, she would do anything in her power to keep him safe, to make sure he doesn’t end up like Robb and Ned, you know, dead and without a head, and as I’ve said, he’d die for her, he went on this “suicude mission” to Dragonstone, for her, so he’d have a better chance at defeating the NK, and therefore at keeping her safe. He did it for the realm too, yes, but Sansa was the MAIN reason, Sansa is what drove all his actions, ever since they reunited, she is his 1st priority (“I’ll protect you, I promise”), for going to Dragonstone.

They can easily set things in motion for Jonsa in 3 episodes, that’s all it’s needed, they’re already very close, they’ve been through a lot together, they’ve had plenty of screentime together, they’ve already pretty much used all the romantic tropes, that are used to built up a romance between two characters, all that is needed now, is for the secret to be out. That, will be the cataclysm that will set everything in motion. Jon will find out first, in the first episode, and we’ll see him behave even more weirdly/ambiguously towards Sansa after finding out, there’ll be even more tention between them, especially coming from him. Y'all will see. 

So yeah, please don’t use the “'There’s not enough time” excuse/argument ever again, because it’s pretty pathetic, considering how fast they made Jondelion bang, with no build up, no foundation, no nothing. 

And if you can’t see how obvious Jonsa is, and how bland, rushed and built on nothing Jondelion is, I must say, you’re lying, you’re not a Jonsa shipper, but clearly a Jondelion one.

*thinks to herself - how do I always end up writing essays when I reply to asks?* 😅😅🙈🤣🤣