#and can often make bad decisions or judgements based purely on emotion (see him asking for us to be good friends again)

[dtaegis]

3 days. and the boy already feels bad for the decisions he took 🫥

[whitewolfofwinterfell]

Just ONE more...until I think of yet another question I'm dying to ask you a few minutes from now! What do you see as Buffy's greatest traits and worst flaws? Angel's greatest traits and worst flaws? In what ways (assuming they were human) do you see them as compatible? In what ways do think they're similar to each other, and what are their complementary differences? What jobs do you think they'd have as humans? What would they each be like as parents? What would they do in their spare time?!

Buffy’s greatest traits and worst flaws

Buffy is a very complex character with so many strengths, but equally, many flaws. Without a doubt her greatest strengths are her resillience and inner-strength. No matter what life throws at her she seems to have an incredible ability to keep moving forward. Even after Joyce’s death - which is undoubtedly one of the greatest tragedies anyone in this world will face - she’s able to compartmentalise in order to take responsbility of the household and step up to be a parental figure for Dawn when she’s still a child herself. Not to mention that she dies and is resurrected and somehow manages to find a way to keep going. What strikes me about Buffy is that even when she’s clearly struggling mentally and emotionally she never wallows in self pity. She accepts that the world is unfair and cruel and that everybody suffers in different ways and she does the best she can to carry on. Her other strengths include her leadership, confidence, determination and decisiveness. In every situation she finds herself in, Buffy is able to make tough decisions for herself and others. She never shies away from the responsibilities that go with being the Slayer, she owns it. She’s the one that everybody looks to when shit hits the fan and that’s a huge burden, but she never treats it as one despite feeling that way deep down inside. It takes so much courage to be able to make hard and fast decisions, particularly when those decisions impact the people around you, but Buffy does it all the time. Her morality is also a strength of Buffy’s. She has a strong sense of right and wrong, and although that view can sometimes be a little bit too black and white, she is never afraid to stand up and fight for what she believes is right no matter what it takes. Once again, that takes great courage. Speaking of courage, the courage and bravery Buffy has is staggering. Even when she’s afraid she doesn’t let it show, she always goes into a fight ready and raring to go. She’s also incredibly loyal and although she has a strong belief in justice, she has an ability to forgive others even when they sometimes aren’t necessarily deserving of her forgiveness.

As for her flaws, they’re very much the flip-side of her strengths. Her resillience and inner-strength can sometimes lead to her being emotionally unavailable and closed off. Her way of dealing with the responsibility of being the Slayer and the trauma, depression, grief and other powerfully negative emotions she faces is to isolate herself, shut away her feelings and focus on tasks. This means that she often doesn’t process or deal with her emotions in a healthy way resulting in her taking it out on others, or more commonly taking it out on herself (this is particularly the case in season 6). The way she would shut herself off emotionally also sometimes led to her not being perceptive of how others around her were feeling and being insenstive or dismissive of them. Simirlarly, her leadership and confidence means that she can be condescending and belittle the opinions and knowledge of others, believing that she’s superior. Sometimes her confidence can drift over to arrogance and she can’t always admit when she’s wrong or take the advice of others. Statements such as “There’s only me. I am the law” really show that. Furthermore, her decisiveness and leadership means that she sometimes makes decisions for others that aren’t hers to make or she doesn’t take the feelings of others into consideration as much as she should. Her courage and bravery can occassionally transform into recklessness and impulsivity whereby she throws herself into potentially harmful situations with little regard for her well-being.

Angel’s greatest traits and worst flaws

Angel’s greatest traits are definitley his compassion, dedication and selflessness. Angel will lay his life on the line to save the life of anybody, whether it’s his son or a stranger that he’s just met. He is fiercely dedicated to helping others and is genuinely able to empathise and sympathise with people in order to provide that help. Because of the uniqueness of Angel as a vampire with a soul he has an inherent ability to empathise with people (despite the fact that he believes he’s disconnected from them), because he’s lived for so long, has such a wealth of life experience, has experienced the darkest parts of humanity as a soulless demon and now feels the pure emotion that comes from having a soul. He’s able to see the good in everybody and to remain open-minded and non-judgemental in order to understand people’s lives, motivations and feelings. Despite how much good he does, he’s very humble and never seeks fame, glory or praise. There’s a lot to be said for the fact that every person Angel helps he does so because he wants to help. It’s that simple. He doesn’t do it because of some ulterior motive, it’s completely selfless. I mean, this is a man(pire) that was willing to die fighting an unwinnable battle. Angel is also a great leader, but in a very different way from Buffy. Angel isn’t a self-elected leader, he’s a natural leader that his friends look to because they trust his judgement and have faith in his decisions and ability to lead. Angel doesn’t assume responsibility because he believes he has the authority, power or skill to do so more than anybody else, he does it because that’s what his friends expect of him. As a result of this, he’s able to listen to the advice of his friends and even delegate responsibility, letting them to take the lead sometimes. This is all part of Angel’s kindness and ability to see the good in everyone. Angel has an ability to inspire and motivate those around him based purely on his actions and philosophy. He’s able to bring characters like Faith, Cordy, Wes, Gunn and Fred - all of whom felt disconnected, lonely, unappreciated and had very little self-belief when he first met them - and transform their perception of themselves. With Angel’s mission statement and leadership to provide them with direction and his care and support, they were all able to come into their own and hone their strengths, skills and abilities (which hadn’t been acknowledged previously) to make a difference in the world.

In regards to his flaws, I’d say that he can be very depressive and pessimistic, which is only to be expected from a vampire with a soul. Sometimes he can be prone to falling into a dark spiral and when he starts that descent there’s very little that can stop him. A lot like Buffy, this can sometimes be part of him hitting self-destruct. Angel carries a lot of guilt and self-loathing for his past actions, and in the moments that that catches up to him he struggles to put things into perspective and acknowledge the person he is now and all of the good he’s doing. He also has a tendency to fixate on certain things which causes him to lose sight of the bigger picture. This happens at various points with Buffy, Darla, Cordelia, Connor, Lindsey W&H and Spike. A lot of the time I think this stems from his  persistent fear that threats to those he loves are lurking just around the corner and doom is imminent (which, to be fair to him, it’s usually true haha). Angel also lacks confidence in his own abilities and is too humble. Being humble can never really be a negative thing, but I think that in the context of Angel’s character he’s too hard on himself and doesn’t give himself as much credit as he should for all the good he does. He often diminishes the huge importance he plays in fighting the good fight and the impact he has on people’s lives. Similarly, But Angel’s most obvious flaw (if we can even refer to it as such) is Angelus. Soulless vampires are evil, plain and simple, but Angelus takes this to the extreme. He’s a callous, vindictive, cruel, merciless monster that takes pleasure in inflicting pain on others and exploiting their weaknesses. Although Angelus is an entirely different character, it has an impact on how Angel acts. He constantly lives in fear of Angelus returning and with the guilt of Angelus’ actions. This results in him having a huge amount of self-hatred which festers inside him no matter how much time passes and which he can never get past or forgive himself for. However, Angel’s understanding and acceptance of this part of himself actually makes this somewhat of a strength of his. He hates that side of himself and repeatedly tells his friends that if he’s ever to lose his soul again they should kill him immediately.

In what ways (assuming they were human) do you see Bangel as compatible?

This is a very tricky question to answer, because I genuinely struggle to imagine Buffy and Angel as humans. The supernatural is such a huge part of their lives and such a definitive aspect of their relationship that if you take that away they become entirely different people and their relationship transforms as a result. Ultimately, what brings them together is their shared sense of isolation which comes from them being the only one of their kind - Buffy being the Slayer and Angel being a Vampire with a Soul. In addition, their fight against supernatural bads and desire to help others is a mission they share which unites them. There’s not very much that Buffy and Angel bond over outside of this, no shared interests, hobbies or commonalities that could be considered “human” that I can think of. So, I apologise, but I actually don’t know how to answer this question!

In what ways do think Bangel are similar to each other, and what are their complementary differences?

They’re both leaders who take immense responsibility onto their shoulders and have an ability to bring people together, to motivate and inspire them. Emotionally, they share similiar feelings of loneliness and depression that come from the traumas they face, the pressure of being a leader and feeling disconnected from the world they fight to protect. They’re resillient and have an astounding amount of strength which enables them to go on even after the worst has happened - Buffy has to endure killing Angel, losing her mother, dying and being resurrected; Angel has to endure dying, going to a hell dimension and being resurrected, losing Buffy, watching the mother of his child die in front of his eyes, having his son kidnapped by his own best friend, losing his son to evil, the woman he loves being possessed and impregnanted by an evil entity, losing his son forever as he wipes his memory, losing Cordy and Fred. I could continue, but you get the point. Buffy and Angel are able to keep moving forward when anyone else would simply lie down on the ground and give up. On a lighter note, they’re both goofy and have this adorkableness that seems to pop up during the most random times.

As for their differences, they have a lot but I wouldn’t necessarily consider them complimentary. I’d say that Buffy’s extroversion makes for a good contrast to Angel’s introversion. Angel keeps Buffy grounded and centered, whilst Buffy’s free-spirit captures Angel. Angel is also more able to remain open-minded to the possibility that demons have a capacity for goodness, whilst Buffy is usually much quicker to condemn demons without considering that they may not always be wholly evil. This means that Angel is able to encourage Buffy to reconsider her black and white view on the world and to give chances to those she may not have naturally, and on the flip side, Buffy’s outlook can remind Angel that not everybody always deserves a second chance or has a capacity to redeem themselves and set themselves on the right path.

Besides this, I can’t really think of any differences they have that are complimentary. The main differences I see between them come from the fact that Angel is so much older than Buffy and has completely different experiences as a vampire. Ths means that his motivations and priorities are quite different from Buffy’s, despite them being dedicated to a similar cause. Although Buffy accepts being the Slayer and fulfils her duties, she’s resistant to it on more than one occassion and when an oppourutnity arises to create more Slayers so that she’s not the only one she does so because she doesn’t want to carry that burden of being the Chosen One. In comparison, Angel is a self-elected hero. He’s not pre-ordained or chosen, he willingly dedicates himself to helping the helpless because he believes that’s his calling and he wants to repent for his previous sins. In an ideal world, Buffy doesn’t want to be the Slayer, she wants to be an ordinary girl, but Angel wouldn’t willingly choose to be human even if it was offered to him on a silver platter (which it is in ‘I Will Remember You’). Buffy, despite being the Slayer, is a human girl who longs for the things that most human girls do; to hang out with her friends, have fun, go shopping, spend time with family, graduate, get a car, go on holiday and do everything else that young people do. Angel naturally doesn’t care about any of that. He doesn’t think in terms of his future or building a life like Buffy does, he lives for the here and now and works off the idea that he will do everything he can today to make his life count for something.

What jobs do you think Bangel would have as humans?

I think Angel would be a Private Investigator. I know this is a bit of a cop out, because he was a PI on AtS, but it’s exactly the sort of job that suits him. He needs something where he can actively be out in the world making a difference to people’s lives but where he has freedom to make his own decisions and take on his own cases. He also needs to have action in his life and to have independence. Although he works well with his friends on AtS, he isn’t the sort of guy that necessarily works well in a team, particularly if he’s forced to work with people that he doesn’t know very well.

Buffy would be in fashion. I don’t just say this because she has great fashion sense, but because she’s able to see the essence of people and I feel she would know exactly how to use fashion and image to project that to the outside world. I also think that a creative and vocational career where Buffy can use her hands and put her ideas into practice would suit her personality down to a T.

What would Bangel each be like as parents? What would they do in their spare time?!

Well, we saw Angel as a father and Buffy as a kind-of-mother to Dawn, but I suppose as a co-parenting team I’d imagine them to be fun-loving but over-protective parents. They would definitley teach their kids self-defence; Angel would encourage them to read books and go to the ballet and theatre and musuems to ensure they’re attuned to the world around them and culturally aware; Buffy would be the discplinarian because lets face it Angel is just a softie; they’d attend ice hockey games every weekend where Angel would embarass the kids by yellling out all the time; Angel would tell the worst dad jokes in the world; Buffy would always try to make things fun and take any oppourtunity she could to have a family barbeque, parties or celebration; they’d sit down to eat dinner together every evening and Angel would cook (because Buffy’s cooking skills only extend to cheese toasties); Buffy would be the cool hip parent that every parent at the school playground would admire and envy; Angel would take on the domestic duties like cleaning, washing clothes and cooking but the kids would have a strict chore schedule that they’d get pocket money for; Buffy would be incredibly affectionate always smothering the kids with hugs and kisses and beaming about how proud she is of them.

[miyomiikonran]

OCtober #8 p.2 - Who's your most developed OC?

Oh my, that's a question (as well as next one) that actually made me think quite a lot about my OCs, and I came to quite complicated conclusion that I simply can't choose one OC ¯\_(¬u¬)_/¯ For me it really depends on point of view. How should I even measure development? By number of universes OC exists in? Or just compare all of different versions like it were normal characters and choose the one with the most complicated/thought out story of them all? I came up to such division when I asked Ironic (@ironic-artist) who would he consider my most developed OC, after I already had my own answer ready. To my suprise, he said smth completely different than me which came from that difference in point of view, I thought about amount of universes, he thought about characters on their own.

What were the answers though? I said Takashi&Shinuo, with a bit of more of emphasis put on Takashi, who's more active when comparing the twins to themselves. Shinuo is more about thinking and planning, which often can lead to interesting outcomes and suprising decisions he makes in some universes, but Takashi's all about action, making decisions as he goes and pushing forward no matter what is happening. For example, as I said before in here, Shinuo's very likely to step out of confrontation if he thinks it may lead out to violent outcome or he'll try to put down emotions and talk things through. He often considers someone's motives and feelings first and possible reactions, which can even prevent him from interacting at all, while Takashi ditches that out completely. He reacts immidiately basing on his own judgement only or what he considers important and his stubborness often prevents him from giving up even for very long time till he reaches his goal, of course it sometimes leads him to conflict, but he's not afraid of it at all.

Both of them, as they always exists together (I can't kill my own OCs for real, even if I sometimes think about such tragic endings TuT) have TEN universes they exist in and almost half of them (4) were actually made for them and later expanded to other characters as well. Which kinda makes me want to make a chart presenting my way of thoughts when creating more AUs on their example as they're characters with most of these from all my OCs :'D Maybe tommorow I'll add such thing, but don't expect nothing high quality, I suck at drawing and I'll probably make it in paint x'D

Well, but what did Ironic said? Just to make you aware, Ironic is my ultimate soulmate-creating-OC-shitposting-buddy ever. Most of my OCs were created just because Ironic had another idea on his mind and he knows around 90% of stuff created about my OCs in last 10 years. There's literally not even one person who could be more reliable with such question ❤ And he said that such character for him would be either Circus AU Miyomi about who I talked here, or Sadao, about who I talked here, here and here. It was very suprising choice for me tbh :') While with Miyomi after thinking a minute or two I could agree, as this universe is quite widely developed and Miyomi's story continues a lot after she joins the circus, to the point where we even talked though possible bad-ends for it and created a world dedicated to it called "post-circus" which includes concept of reincarnation and soulmates. It also makes sense as developing her took me around 2-3 years before I was satistied with result and once again I included some details in her story with which I'm very familiar myself, which helped me make it more accurate. Sorry, I can't really talk about details, as Ironic wants to ilustrate it one day c: But I can summ it up as journey of a person who started from rock bottom, by pure determination and will to live turned from victim to offender, criminal, force feared by many. At first, it was just an outside appearance as she was completely closed out and stuck in her past, haunted and tied up by everything she did and lived through, not able to affect who she is or change it any way, but eventually found her way through trauma, in the end finding some peace and place for herself even in a world that seemed to forgot the meaning of kindness and forgiveness. Woah, I awakened my almost non-existent poetic sense :')

But Sadao? It kinda shocked me, because of his origins (random, only for fun kinda rp) I didn't take him seriously most of the time and often added ideas about him or his friends based just on funny sentence I or meme I found on internet >u>" But I can see why Ironic can see it like that, as despite of my wild creation process Sadao ended up as very datailed character, who evolves a lot though his story, I even consider him a type of person I would like to be myself, a definition of happy and healthy attitude. He started as egdy, misunderstood and neglected child, that through many mistakes and missteps learned how to take resposibility for another person at young age, which resulted in him becoming confident in his own abilities and made him able to stand up for himself and others. This bloomed a lot when he gained some space and free time only for himself, making him a force hard to stop once he decides he wants something- he finished school despite his past fails and got to university. He opened for new and other people which got him to reflect on everything he did to this point and make important decision about dropping out because architecture didn't make him happy. But getting to know new people, socializing and developing his relationships did and concentrating on that made him able to gain some peace of mind and eventually meet love of his life. Then all these past experiences helped him make important decisions and grow as person, gain more resposibility and finally see some value in stability. By himself he got to the point when he decided that he wants to finish his studies and create his own family, which was something he always lacked himself and that was kinda the last step he missed to really be happy and be able to say he feels whole, which when I think about it, made it all very wholesome c:

Well, this post turned out similar to some posts from last OCtober, kinda personal and more about my way of thoughts than characters themselves, but it's quite satisfying~

[hidewari]

Your review for chapter 143 please. No Hide in this chapter but I suppose it's not a big deal. It means he's still safe and sound.

@nitsuki-baka said:I think this abrupt ending is pretty good and strong, even if everyone seems to hate it. There is Kaneki who worked so hard for this moment but has still has to realise that everything can be gone within a second. And the desperation that he still had to make him crawl, I cried my eyes out. Hyped for the next bit we’ll get.

anonymous said:do you think the “GAME OVER” could have meant that there is going to be a new start/new beginning for kaneki? the caterpillar thing also makes me think he’ll change again into smth else and have a new beginning. And that that’s what we’ll see in part 3? maybe one where hide shows up and instigates a reform in kaneki’s group and leadership into something better yk?

anonymous said:Reading the spoilers of chapter 143 makes me feel like we’re going to have a trilogy. Especially the way Furuta is acting.

Alright, so I read both the MS and JB translations twice to try and understand the chapter as well as I could and hopefully catch on to anything I might have missed and I think I have a bit to say on the direction I think the series is going to take now.

This chapter has been the big turning point that I think Kaneki really needs to push him in the right direction. He took up the role of the One Eyed King, and that means that he has a whole lot of responsibility on his shoulders whether he likes it or not, and I’ve mentioned before how most of his decisions as King have mostly just been influenced by his emotions. (I’ve given these examples before, but for those who haven’t seen, a couple examples would be when Kaneki wanted to endanger their mission by talking with Amon and another would be his refusal to kill Hajime which essentially lead to the twenty fourth being attacked. Both times Kaneki’s actions have been criticised by Ayato and Tsukiyama respectively. To me, this shows an awareness by the series that this is a major flaw of Kaneki’s which he’s chosen to ignore.)

Kaneki made yet another decision based on his emotions to return to the twenty fourth ward (because he has a “bad feeling”) and that decision went abysmally wrong. To me, this is actually a good thing for Kaneki’s character. This devastation has now been a direct result of his original emotionally driven decision not to kill Hajime, and now, his second emotionally driven decision to return to the twenty fourth ward has resulted in Furuta’s supposed victory.

He’s now not only having to face the fact that he has these flaws as a result of the situation, but it’s also blatantly laid out for him by Furuta himself.

Kaneki is finally being forced to face these flaws that he has in his leadership and the way that he approaches and tackles situations. Even as King, knowing that he’s responsible for the lives of hundreds, even thousands, he still too often thinks of himself and does things for selfish reasons, even if he doesn’t know it.

He only takes the side of ghouls because he wants to protect those who are close to him. He doesn’t really care for the unification of species in and of itself, he only cares about it because it would put the people he cares for in a better position and make them safe.

And this always reminds me of the scene in chapter 120 of Tokyo Ghoul where Touka confronts Kaneki about this exact motive and indicates exactly how it is driven by Kaneki’s own selfishness.

Kaneki still hasn’t moved on from this mindset, and even he himself acknowledges that this makes him a terrible leader, yet he appears to have no desire to change this, presumably because he doesn’t realise that it’s the exact reason why he could be putting the people he cares about in trouble.

In fact, I think it still isn’t clear to him what his role as leader should be. He still isn’t looking at the big picture, and seems to only focus on his own role within all of this, which is ironically inhibiting him from being able to take up the position that he wants to and become the leader that he has to in order to achieve his goals.

He touches his chin when he tells Hinami that he’ll be right behind her; at least a part of him knows that he isn’t going to make it out of this, but I think he’s made himself content with that. This is the moment he claims to have been living for; this is the moment he finally gets to protect everyone he loves. This is the moment that he shows himself as a true leader, by becoming a martyr to protect the ones he loves.

It may have appeared that he had chosen to live alongside Touka, but the reality is that he never really moved on from that mindset he had back in cochlea; wanting to die “in style” for the sake of someone else.

This much is clear in his dialogue in this chapter.

He says he’s been living for this day, this day that he seems to apparently realise he won’t be able to survive, but he’s content with that. All this time, he never really moved on from wanting to protect others with his life; that’s been his motivation since the beginning of the series, and it still is, and although this isn’t exactly a negative thing, it is preventing him from seeing the bigger picture. His desire is still the same, just he’s shifted his focus from death to life.

He’s so concerned with himself in this situation; he wants to defeat Furuta, and in his death, he’ll be able to protect all those who are close to him, but he isn’t considering what his role as King really means beyond this. Killing Furuta isn’t just going to magically bring about the unification of humans and ghouls; it isn’t going to guarantee the safety of those close to him. As King, as a leader, there is so much more work to be done, but Kaneki fails to really see his role in this in perspective as a result of his bias.

That’s why I think this whole chapter’s themes have been a pivotal point for Kaneki’s character. Not only is he forced to come face to face with the fact that his methods are inefficient, but we also get more subtle symbolism.

Firstly, as some have pointed out, Furuta’s referral to Kaneki as a caterpillar could be foreshadowing of a coming transformation he may make, a metamorphosis, which links to Franz Kafka’s story of the same name which Kaneki’s story has been compared to before.

Not only that, but the butterfly has been a symbol of positive change in the series before, and assuming we are currently in the Judgement arc, this points to significant development and flourishing in Kaneki’s character to come, which brings me onto why I think there will be a third part and how this will line up with the Fool’s journey.

Judgement is a card which calls for a period of self-reflection and self-evaluation. Kaneki is now being forced reflect and evaluate his approach, and this is the key to his fulfilment. The Judgement card calls for a moment in someone’s life in which they “come to a point of deep understanding about the common themes throughout [their] life and what [they] can do or change to avoid these situations in the future.”

“The Judgement card suggests that you have had a recent epiphany or an ‘awakening’ where you have come to a realisation that you need to live your life in a different way and you need to be true to yourself and your needs. You have opened yourself up to a new possibility – to lead a fulfilling life that serves your higher needs and that offers inspiration and hope to others. You feel as though you have had a ‘calling’ in life, and you are getting much closer to the point where you need to take action. Something that was lying dormant within you, some unconscious knowledge or truth is finally being awakened and brought into the light.”

“The Fool has been reborn.

His false, ego-self has been shed, allowing his radiant, true self to manifest. He has discovered that joy, not fear, is at life’s centre.

The Fool feels absolved. He forgives himself and others, knowing that his real self is pure and good. He may regret past mistakes, but he knows they were due to his ignorance of his true nature. He feels cleansed and refreshed, ready to start anew.

It is time for the Fool to make a deeper Judgement (20) about his life. His own personal day of reckoning has arrived. Since he now sees himself truly, he can make the necessary decisions about the future. He can choose wisely which values to cherish, and which to discard.”

To me, this is reminiscent of this piece of art which foreshadows this awakening with the caption “I stand here with my past self,” indicating that Kaneki has moved on from his past self and his old mindset, ready to start anew.

Tokyo Ghoul and Tokyo Ghoul:re are the stories of the Fool’s journey on his path to personal development and self-fulfilment. Judgement is the second to last stage of the Fool’s journey, so that may leave you asking, what could come after this to warrant a third part?

I believe a third part to the series would serve as “the World” stage of the Fool’s journey. Though Kaneki’s journey of self-development and fulfilment comes to an end in Tokyo Ghoul:re, the third instalment should be about how he uses this fulfilment and flourishing to make his influence on the World and finally pursue the goal he’s established as the One Eyed King. The Fool’s own personal journey ends with Tokyo Ghoul:re, but that just means that he’s now ready to begin his influence on the world.

“The Fool reenters the World (21), but this time with a more complete understanding. He has integrated all the disparate parts of himself and achieved wholeness. He has reached a new level of happiness and fulfilment

The Fool experiences life as full and meaningful. The future is filled with infinite promise. In line with his personal calling, he becomes actively involved in the world. He renders service by sharing his unique gifts and talents and finds that he prospers at whatever he attempts. Because he acts from inner certainty, the whole world conspires to see that his efforts are rewarded. His accomplishments are many.

So the Fool’s Journey was not so foolish after all. Through perseverance and honesty, he reestablished the spontaneous courage that first impelled him on his search for Self, but now he is fully aware of his place in the world. This cycle is over, but, the Fool will never stop growing. Soon he will be ready to begin a new journey that will lead him to ever greater levels of understanding.”

[jacksonandeli]

Dateworthy

As I was about to start writing on this topic, I thought I’d do a quick search to see what videos were out there to hopefully verify or dispel my thoughts and discoveries on the world of online dating. I share my discovery later on.

Being what one may label as ‘old fashioned’, the idea of meeting someone significant/special online has never been a priority for me and I often refer to it is as, “a foreign concept”. I will reveal my underlying truth in due course. The reality of it all is that it is normal. All my colleagues (and some friends) who are single, do it. They all talk openly about it, it is not frowned upon and this gave me comfort in giving it a go. In addition, I thought it would be a good topic to write about, so it would be part of my research rather than me living vicariously through others!

Last year sometime, a colleague was showing me the profile of a guy she started chatting to and I remember reading the conversation thinking no one was really saying anything meaningful and she agreed it was boring conversation and didn’t know what to say. ‘Hi, how are you’, ‘what are you doing’, ‘have you had a good day’ kind of talk. So far, I have experienced this meaningless chatter multiple times.

I joined a site about six weeks ago. It’s one where if both parties ‘like’ each other, they match, but then the girl has to make the initial contact to start a conversation. I had no idea when I signed up and I honestly struggle with an opening message that will illicit more of a response than, “great, how was your day?” (I’m rolling my eyes as I type that). The problem could be with my opener, but I said hi, now I expect the guy to do some pursuing!

With all the stereotypes of ‘all guys like younger girls’, ‘all the girls like rich guys’, ‘only the beautiful people connect’ constantly going through my head when I experience some sort of rejection, this TED talk’s data verified it! I also struggle to understand how men choose their online profile pictures. Selfies are often of them half naked, lying in bed or at the gym. Their main picture is often blurry or with hats/caps/hoodies and sunglasses on, or one from ten years prior and then the big reveal of how they really look is at the end very end of their profile. A colleague said all guys look better in real life than they do in their profile. Her rationale (which makes sense) is that guys probably feel weird asking their friends to take a photo of them nor have they mastered how to take a good selfie while girls take selfies all the time or happily have people take their picture. I’m curious to see what other girls’ profiles are look like.

Particularly in our modern day, we are used to endless options and it is so easy to replace things and move on to the next best thing. We are easily distracted. Let’s face it, online profiles are a catalogue of choice at our fingertips and as much as it’s ‘not about looks’, I admittedly swipe left or right often based purely on that. It is so superficial and shallow of me. I took the time to write a short profile, and eight times out of ten (I’m being generous), men don’t – so they are forcing me to make my decision based on appearance and the minimal information provided. To set myself some sort of standard, when I actually look through individual profiles, my deal breakers are smoking (socially or regularly), drinking (regularly), specified religion that is not Christian (faith and belief in God and Jesus are important to me) and if they have cats. Okay, so the cat thing is harsh (I hate cats), so sometimes I ignore that criteria. Dogs are fine. And of course location…I don’t see any real point in trying to connect with someone who lives across the country, or in a different country. This particular app must be popular in the US as there are a lot of American guys (passing through on holiday or for work) who are active on this site. Now, many may know I appreciate an American man…but let’s be realistic people! You are probably wondering why I don’t apply filters on my search. I did, but it made me realise I am so fussy that I limited my options DRASTICALLY.

From the few meaningless or short conversations I’ve had, none have materialised into anything of interest or significance. Two guys ‘unmatched’ me because within two days of exchanging numbers and me not calling and setting a date to meet, they decided I was not interested or worth pursuing. A couple of them actually held decent conversations then ghosted me…so I deleted them. I had one guy ask if I spoke Spanish and when I said no, he deleted me. When I am ‘talking’ to one guy, I tend not to have conversations with any others so that my attention is not diverted. I know I have no commitment to any of the guys, neither do they to me, but I’m not on the app to make more friends, I am investing in meeting a special person, this is likely me perhaps being naïve and inexperienced.

Now my intention is not to hold endless text conversations, I know my imagination can run wild and I do not want to create the ‘perfect’ man in my head and have any sort of emotional attachment. I will be doing a disservice to the guy if I meet him and I don’t give him the opportunity to reveal his true self to me and I would also be setting myself up for disappointment if he isn’t all the things I ‘created’ him to be and worse yet, if he doesn’t like me back. Self-preservation and guarding my heart are important. Text, phone call, then a date if we both feel there is an ounce of spark – all needs to happen relatively quickly.

The underlying truth I referred to earlier, my fears in this whole experience is rejection and validation of my insecurities. Why would I subject myself to scrutiny, criticism, body shaming, ridicule and allow myself to be reduced to an option in a catalogue. Being exposed and vulnerable to a world of people I may or may not ever meet, where judgement is made in a split second, with no means of me knowing or being able to defend myself is terrifying. My insecurity of not looking like a model is magnified when a guy has expressed interest in me from a head shot and I potentially am a disappointment to him. This feeds the belief that girls learn to love, where guys can learn to love but need an element of physical attraction from the onset. There I said it…

Someone once told me to capitalise on my assets, as in embrace my ethnicity and body shape because there are guys out there that love my ‘type’! Haha!

A friend said it will take several bad experiences before someone interesting comes along. I’m impatient. She said not to give up. I haven’t deleted the app yet, I’m trying to be more optimistic and thick-skinned. I told someone this week that my greatest fear is regret. I do not want to regret having never tried. So this is me trying. Not very hard, but I’m trying!

If you haven’t listened to the TED talk I mentioned earlier yet, go ahead and do it now. After listening to it, it gave me a tiny glimmer of hope and faith in the system. The research verifies all the stereotypes of online dating, it highlights and acknowledges the human fear of rejection, but it also encourages and instils hope in the system with patience, perseverance and the power of using our words well.

There is so much more I want to write about this, so consider this topic ‘to be continued’. You never know, there may a ‘success story’ to follow ;)

[mailorderfictionalcharacter]

Malcolm Reed, Geordi LaForge, Kes, and Janice Rand

Seven years and two plagues later; I respond. My apologies. Life. Y’know.

1. Sexuality Headcanons:

Malcolm - oh how I wish the powers that be didn't cowardly back off on the original plan, wherein Malcolm was openly gay. Oh well, let's Headcanon him in anyways. 

Geordi - bisexual, demisexual(just a vibe, not a very serious headcanon)

Kes - let's say bisexual. For reasons.

Janice - This is probably because I've only seen Janice in a few TOS episodes (I'm only doing a proper start to finish watch of the series now) and thus haven't reached the inevitable het romance, but as far as I'm concerned Janice Rand is a lesbian. If at any point she shows romantic interest in a man it's obviously an elaborate inside joke with Uhura. Janice Rand, very lesbian.

2. OTPS

Malcolm - I don't have one. I don't think Malcolm is the sort of person to want a relationship with a crew member and none of the men on the ship seem like a good romantic match for him. (If Malcolm got a love interest, they should probably be a civilian, more emotionally expressive). If I had to choose an otp Malcolm/Travis might work.

Geordi - I'm not super serious about it but Da Forge is a good ship.

Kes - I don't have any preexisting ideas about Kes' relationships other than "c'mon Neelix be the better person we know you can be," but, to make something up; Kes and B'Elana could be interesting because they're both very passionate and principled people but externally they present themselves very differently: Kes is caring, subtle, and calm whereas B'Elana is expressive, and a bit judgemental. Also Kes's morality is more about caring while B'Elana has a warrior's moral code, resisting injustice.  (There's a running theme in these asks because only interesting character foils can get me interested in romantic plots).

Janice - I enjoy the idea of Uhura/Janice Rand. Both are talented and Janice seems more level on and off duty whereas Uhura is a capable woman but an incorrigible flirt.

3. Brotps:

Malcolm - I would enjoy seeing a Malcolm/Hoshi friendship, mostly because Malcolm is very militaristic whereas Hoshi is more of the Civilian Science Nerd Who Got Swept Up In All this Rubbish. On the whole Enterprise forgot to do what tng/ds9 did well and allow their side characters to actually *gasp* interact, so pretty much any platonic relationship is up for grabs. Malcolm is an interesting character to work in contrasts; his disciplined nature compared to Phlox, or his close to the belt nature compared to Travis' comfort with his roots.

Geordi - Also Data and Geordi; they're so affectionate and supportive. I also really enjoy the dynamic between Picard and Geordi in the tng relaunch novels, considering Geordi is one of the remaining original crew members.

Kes - canonically, Kes and the Doctor all the way. So good. Remember when she extended his flu? Good scene. For an au take, I would enjoy a purely platonic Kes and Neelix friendship. They did have some nice dynamics canonically and I'd like to see a relationship without the squicky romantic possessiveness.

Janice - Rand and Spock. No good justification it's just that Spock goes well with everyone.

4. Notps:

Malcolm - Malcolm/Hoshi, Malcolm/T'pol, Malcolm/Archer. Not really established ships but in my mind each of these pairings are  a Bad Idea.

Geordi - I don't remember any established canon or fan popular relationships that made me cringe, so here's one: Geordi/Q. Awful idea.

Kes - Kes and possessive!Neelix. So many cringe moments

Janice - Rand and every damn person who falls in love with her and then tries to force her into sexual acts against her will why is this a plot multiple times for goodness' sakes. (Also not big at all on the idea of Kirk/Rand).

5. First Headcanon that Pops to Mind:

Malcolm - So based off the pineapple thing, let's say Malcolm has a ridiculous amount of personal experiences he never talks about. Like he had a steady boyfriend back on earth and never brings it up because it's not relevant. If prompted he has all these prank stories but you basically have to drag the information out of him.

Geordi - Geordi is also friends with Felix, who sent the Chief Engineer on Starfleet's flagship a sample program because he knows just how good he is.

Kes - Since Kes starts canonically developing her telekenetic abilities, let's imagine Kes as an absolute telekenetic prankster.

Also, after she leaves Voyager I like to imagine that some of what she got up to would be protecting the vulnerable, considering her past. (I don't think this directly contradicts canon but I actually try to forget that episode).

Janice - Janice Rand is so professional that no one expects her to have wild musical tastes. Like death metal, weird atonal music, lots of instrumentals, music from non-human planets etc*

*My lack of musical knowledge is showing, isn't it.

6. One Way I Relate:

Malcolm - I would also refuse to marry and copulate with my coworkers if we were stranded on a planet in an alternate timeline. My mom is also largely unaware of my food preferences.

Geordi - often interacts with people with an understated sort of humour. I would also subtly lecture ableist aliens and befriend the local android.

Kes - This example is more about admiration than relating, but I really enjoy Kes's compassionate curiosity and the sense of wonder that comes with her character.

Janice - In the episode Charlie X we see her being mature to someone who is A) probably quite traumatized and B) currently sexually harassing her. I relate to that sense of "oh, this situation is kind of worse for me and I'm still going to handle it fairly and levelly because of moral principles and rational empathy." Also even though she's backed into a corner she still tries to pass emotional labour off to Kirk and that's A+. ("Ask the Captain, he'll explain.") I'm sure lots of women (although not all women and not just women) could relate to that.

7. Something that Gives me Second Hand Embarrassment:

Malcolm - I have a distant memory of an episode where Archer, Trip, and Malcolm were all trapped in a pod, thought they were going to die, and Malcolm got about 10% sentimental? That always makes me unjustifiably embarrassed, but I don't even remember if that episode was real, so.

Geordi - nothing? I think Geordi may be the perfect human being?

Kes - the episode where she came back and tried to hurt all her old friends was pretty embarrassing. Also her relationship with Neelix.

Janice - From what I've actually seen of TOS, nothing beyond those damn impractical uniforms. If we have to see people in dresses at least show me Spock in a dress, c'mon.

8. Cinnamon Roll or Problematic Fave?:

Malcolm - I want to call him the problematic fave because he was somewhat militaristic, but nah, cinnamon roll. Let me see only the best in people like some sort of naive federation citizen. (Also Archer made way more questionable decisions and I don't remember enough about Enterprise to say that Reed ever did anything less than an exemplary job).

Geordi - Clear cinnamon roll

Kes - Clear cinnamon roll. No controversy there.

Janice - Definitely a cinnamon roll. Too good for this world.