#and by the time I realized it my rules no longer reflected my decision to be strictly JP based

[bravewolfvesperia]

/ so I finally updated my rules and verses pages to reflect current activity and such since they were a bit outdated. if you haven't checked them in a long time, pleeeease at least skim them again! I think I mostly got everything, but I'd realized I hadn't properly updated them since shortly after I made this blog. 🙇‍♀️

[vipwinnie]

Sleeping after an argument

mattheo riddle x reader

Summary : you decided not to sleep with him after an argument

In the dimness of his room, you sit on the edge of the bed, your heart heavy with frustration. The walls echo with the reverberations of an seemingly endless argument. He stands, a sharp gaze in his eyes, his poisoned words filling the air.

"Why are you always like this?" you ask, trying to contain your own anger. "Your attitude is toxic, Mattheo. It can't go on like this."

He sneers, an ironic smile distorting his face. "Oh, now it's my fault? You're always the victim, aren't you?"

You take a deep breath, trying to calm the flames of anger rising within you. "It's not about being a victim. It's about mutual respect. You can't keep acting this way."

Mattheo approaches, his presence oppressive. "Mutual respect? Funny coming from you. You just criticize me, judge me."

"Because you act disrespectfully! You constantly attack me, and I can't take it anymore."

He shrugs, disdainful. "If you can't take it, leave. No one is forcing you to stay."

The tension reaches its peak. You stand up, facing Mattheo with determination. "Maybe that's what I should do."

The words hang in the air, heavy with consequences. The room is filled with the silence that follows an argument, and you wonder if this confrontation marks the end of something, or perhaps the beginning of a new dynamic.

Frustrated by the atmosphere, Mattheo abruptly stands up and heads to the bathroom, using the excuse of needing to prepare in there to escape the confrontation. You remain in the room, Mattheo's dark look still echoing in the air. The decision not to spend the night in this toxic atmosphere takes hold in you, and you head to the bathroom as well.

Reflecting in the bathroom, you decide to leave the unresolved argument behind and choose not to sleep that night. The idea of returning to your shared room with Pansy becomes a tempting refuge. Exiting the bathroom, you silently slip through the hallway, deliberately avoiding Mattheo's room.

Meanwhile, Mattheo, after anxiously waiting in the bathroom for some time, starts to worry about your absence. Concerned, he knocks on the door, softly calling, "My love, are you okay?" Faced with your silence, he eventually opens the door, discovering that you're no longer there. Regret fills him as he realizes the impact of his behavior.

Determined to find you, Mattheo heads towards the girls' dormitory, disregarding any rules of decency. His only thought is to bring you back to him, suddenly realizing how crucial your presence is to him.

Upon opening the door to your room, he notices Pansy's absence, but you're there, asleep in your bed, hugging a pillow that was supposed to replace him for the night. Mattheo gently removes the pillow from your arms, slipping into its place. He embraces you tenderly, whispering an "I love you" in your ear, realizing the foolishness of the argument. He holds you tightly, hoping that you'll find it in yourself to forgive him despite the hurtful words he uttered.

[deliciousangelfestival]

Every Time You Lie - Ch 4 || Lloyd Hansen

Character: dark!Lloyd Hansen x female!reader, dark!Husband Lloyd Hansen x Wife!reader.

Synopsis: Any woman is jealous of you, especially with the status of being the wife of Lloyd Hansen—the CEO of the biggest pharmacy company in the country. From the outside, everyone sees you as a perfect family, a successful husband, two kids, and living in a big house. 

But the truth is different. You are trapped in this marriage because of the mistake you made. You are willing to give everything you have to get your freedom. Free from him. Free from your vicious mother-in-law. Free from your snobby son.

Both of them shouldn’t be together.

Warning: Betrayal, suicidal thought, harsh language, tragedy. Minors do not read. 18+

Author Note: I do not consent to copying or translating my work.

Words Count: 3,551 

Any reblog, comment, and feedback are appreciated. I want to know what you guys think.

Series Masterlist || Chapter 1, Chapter 2 , Chapter 3 , Chapter 4, Chapter 5, Chapter 6,-

Main Masterlist || buy me Ko-fi 🥹💓

Determined to find the missing pieces of your life, you were resolute about leaving the hospital. Despite the doctors' recommendations for more rest, you insisted on speeding up your discharge. Every moment spent confined in the hospital felt like precious time wasted.

Lloyd, your supposed husband, supported your decision. Yet, his concern seemed to stem more from his internal battles rather than genuine care for your well-being. His gaze held a mix of anxiety and something you couldn't quite place, making you feel increasingly unsettled.

Your skepticism towards Lloyd deepened as you struggled to recognize the man presented as your husband. Your instincts pushed you to seek understanding from the one person you felt could trust—your daughter, Emily.

Alone in your room, Emily seized a fleeting moment when the vigilant bodyguard left, feigning concern by pretending to place a bandage on your chest. As soon as both of you were alone, a sense of urgency lit up in Emily's eyes.

"Mother, I don't have much time, but you need to know the truth about our household," Emily whispered urgently. "Father holds the ultimate authority in our household. His decisions shape everything. Mother always adheres to what he says. If he rejects something, it's final. And if he approves, it's unquestionable. Just hold on, Mother. I'll figure out a way to help you escape from here."

You felt a mix of emotions—confusion, suspicion, and a profound need for the truth. Your reliance on Emily as the only familiar and trustworthy figure in this puzzle of your life intensified.

In that fleeting exchange, you realized the grip Lloyd held over the household, and the sense of constraint around your existence magnified. It felt like being caged in a life you didn’t recognize, enforced by rules you hadn't consented to. The resolve to break free and uncover the reality surged within you.

Suddenly, the heavy air in the room shifted as Lloyd entered. His mere presence seemed to suffocate the space, casting a shadow that loomed over everything. Emily's demeanor, despite being related by blood, reflected a facade of grief in the face of his entrance.

Lloyd's countenance softened, adopting a concerned expression as he addressed you. "How are you feeling, my dear?" His voice held a blend of tenderness and concealed apprehension, creating an unsettling aura that made you instinctively retreat.

Your mind churned with questions, doubts, and an instinctive distrust toward this man you were told was your husband. The sense of entrapment in his presence only heightened the urgency to unravel the truth behind the facade of this life you were expected to accept.

You forced a strained smile "I'm alright, thank you, Lloyd."

His gaze lingered on you for a moment longer than necessary, then he turned to Emily. "It's late. You should rest. We'll have a lot to take care of tomorrow."

You watched as Emily nodded obediently, her eyes briefly meeting her mother's, a silent reassurance amidst the hidden distress. With a swift, worried glance at you, Emily left the room.

Alone with Lloyd, the unease in the room felt palpable. You attempted to compose yourself, yet the air crackled with tension, making it increasingly challenging to suppress your growing sense of skepticism and fear.

Your mind raced with questions, doubts, and the feeling that you were entangled in a web of secrets and lies. As you observed Lloyd's careful demeanor, you vowed to find the truth, to unearth the reality buried beneath this carefully constructed mirage.

Lloyd, enveloping you in a gentle embrace, held you as if trying to bridge the gap of lost time. His touch conveyed a genuine longing, a yearning for your presence that was difficult to fake. "I've missed you so much, Y/N," he murmured, his voice tinged with a blend of relief and genuine affection. "I'm overjoyed to see you standing again, to witness your recovery. You've made remarkable progress."

Caught in the duality of her own confusion and the necessity to comply, reciprocated the embrace, your mind wrestling with the incongruity of emotions. You masked your skepticism behind a facsimile of reciprocated affection, knowing you had to tread cautiously within this enigmatic household.

Lloyd, as he held you, felt a surge of relief coursing through him. He was elated to see you regaining strength, standing on your feet again. It was a moment he had anxiously awaited, a glimmer of hope in the maze of uncertainties. His joy at your recovery was genuine, yet it was intertwined with the dread of potentially losing the delicate balance he had tried to maintain.

"I've been so worried about you," he admitted, his voice filled with a mix of tenderness and guarded anxiety. "Seeing you on your feet again—it's a great relief, Y/N. I want nothing more than for you to recover fully, to reclaim the life we've shared."

"Thank you, Lloyd," you softly uttered, her words carrying a hint of solace, enough to offer a glimmer of comfort to the man who seemed to miss you dearly.

Your response carefully measured a balance between your quest for truth and the facade you needed to maintain for the time being, even though your heart yearned for answers hidden within the veils of your forgotten memories.

The car ride back to the Hansen residence was a silent journey. You seated beside Lloyd, gazed out the window at the passing buildings and streets, your eyes filled with a mix of awe and bewilderment. The city looked so different—modern and advanced, a stark contrast to any image you had in her mind. Everything seemed unfamiliar, yet subtly intriguing.

As they arrived at their home, your eyes widened at the grandeur of the mansion. The scale and opulence of the building were truly impressive. However, the facade felt imposing, creating a sense of discomfort within you, an inexplicable feeling that it was all too much.

Stepping into the vast halls of the Hansen mansion, you felt overwhelmed by the extravagance. The grandeur seemed excessive, almost suffocating, as if the walls echoed with the weight of secrets and the burden of a life you didn’t remember living.

Lloyd guided you through the corridors, every step magnifying your unease. The walls were adorned with art, the furniture spoke of luxury, and the air was scented with an air of richness that contrasted starkly with your sense of displacement.

The residence that was supposed to be your home felt foreign, like a stage set for a life you have yet to comprehend. The enormity of the mansion felt less like a sanctuary and more like a labyrinth of hidden truths and unanswered questions.

Stepping into the grand master bedroom, you felt a shiver of trepidation down her spine. The room exuded luxury, adorned with lavish furnishings and an ambiance that spoke of comfort and wealth. Yet, you couldn't shake the unsettling feeling that this was a space belonging to a stranger, not you.

Lloyd observed your hesitation, his own expression filled with a mix of concern and an underlying apprehension. Sensing your unease, he approached you with a gentle demeanor, trying to mask the weight of his own hidden worries.

"Dear, I know this is all overwhelming. But the doctor recommended that we stay together like we used to. He believes it might help trigger your memory to return," Lloyd explained, his voice tinged with an urgency that mirrored his desperate hope for your recovery.

You're still unused to every time he calls you 'dear.' Your heart fluttered uncertainly, caught between your natural wariness and the doctor's suggestion. The thought of blending into a life you couldn't recall felt suffocating, but you realized the urgency of your situation.

Torn between your instincts and the doctor's recommendation, you nodded, a hesitant agreement borne more out of necessity than genuine comfort. In this unfamiliar space that was supposedly your sanctuary, you found yourself straining to navigate the delicate balance between compliance and your quest for truth.

Lloyd led you into the clothing room, which he claimed to be your favorite. The room was adorned with an assortment of elegant dresses, shoes, and accessories that radiated opulence and sophistication. He watched you with hopeful eyes, waiting for a sign of recognition or approval.

"This is your favorite place, dear," he said, his voice carrying a note of anticipation.

You scanned the room, your heart fluttering with a sense of disconnect. The elegant gowns, the neatly arranged shoes, and the luxurious accessories felt like remnants of a life you couldn't quite recall. The items bore an air of sophistication that seemed at odds with her own sense of style and taste.

For a moment, a fleeting sense of discomfort washed over you. These weren't the clothes you would have chosen for herself. Your style and your preferences were nowhere to be found among the opulent collection. But understanding the situation's fragility, you fought back the instinct to express your discomfort. You masked your true feelings behind a composed facade, not wanting to upset Lloyd, who seemed genuinely trying to help you reconnect with her lost memories.

"Thank you, Lloyd," you replied with a measured smile, careful not to reveal your inner turmoil. As you stood amidst the lavish collection, you realized that, for the time being, you had to navigate this world, gently treading the line between complying and searching for the truths hidden within your forgotten memories.

As you perused Lloyd's wardrobe, your attention was drawn to a unique perfume bottle sitting among the array of exquisitely crafted colognes. The bottle's design stood out, and Lloyd's discerning gaze caught her inquisitive stare.

With a faint smile, Lloyd leaned in, his eyes reflecting a hint of pride. "I customize all my perfumes. Each one is unique, crafted to match specific moments or memories."

You nodded, acknowledging his explanation, and continued to scan the bottles. Among them, one bottle captured her attention. Its scent carried an inexplicable familiarity, triggering a jolt in her memory. Curious and inexplicably drawn, you picked up the bottle and uncapped it, the scent wafting gently to your nose.

However, as the fragrance reached your senses, a sudden and piercing headache tore through your mind, almost causing you to collapse. Before you could fall, Lloyd swiftly caught you, his arms providing a secure and steadying embrace.

"Y/N, are you okay?" Lloyd's voice carried genuine concern, his arms ensuring your stability.

Struggling to regain your balance, you fought the throbbing headache and the unsettling dizziness that the fragrance had brought. Despite the agony, a faint memory flickered at the edges of your consciousness, a memory so close yet shrouded in the haze of amnesia.

Barely composing herself, you managed a weak nod. "I-I'm fine, just a sudden headache," you murmured. The scent lingered in the room, its familiarity stirring a faint glimmer of memory just beyond your reach, leaving you in a whirlwind of confusion and questions that seemed to have no answers.

Seating you on the bed, Lloyd observed you closely, his concern palpable. The perfume bottle, a relic from his past, lay on the dresser, its scent triggering an unexpected turmoil in you. At that moment, his own thoughts turned somber, clouded by the weight of his own past mistakes.

Lloyd's gaze lingered on the bottle, the same perfume connected to his most significant mistake involving Zoey. A wave of regret and apprehension washed over him, realizing the potential impact this fragrance could have on your fragile state.

His resolve solidified, knowing he needed to eliminate any reminders of his past transgressions, especially one that had the power to distress you. The decision to remove the perfume became more than just safeguarding you; it was about erasing a connection to his own grave errors, ones that threatened the delicate balance of the life he was desperately trying to rebuild.

With a determined yet pained expression, Lloyd silently vowed to get rid of the perfume. His biggest mistake, a wound from the past, seemed to have resurfaced, and he couldn't risk the distress it might cause you. Resolutely, he made plans to dispose of it discreetly as a means of protecting you and shielding you from the repercussions of his own regretful history.

As Lloyd ensured you was resting, he quietly slipped out of the room. In the hallways, his steps slowed as a cold shiver ran down his spine, heralding the arrival of his mother, Krystal. Her aura was as intimidating as ever, emanating an air of authority and unyielding dominance.

"Lloyd," Krystal's voice sliced through the silence, her tone stern and unwavering.

Lloyd turned to face her, steeling himself for what he anticipated would be a confrontation. "Mother," he acknowledged, his voice laden with a mix of caution and respect.

Krystal's eyes pierced through him, cold and calculating. "A daughter-in-law with amnesia is akin to having a dementia patient in our family. It brings disgrace to the Hansen name," she declared, her words cutting deep with a disdainful tone.

Krystal's disdainful words pierced Lloyd's facade, igniting a fire within him. The insult towards you, spoken so callously, shattered the thin veil of diplomacy he had attempted to maintain.

Lloyd's fervent tone shifted as he confronted his mother, the intensity in his voice resonating with a blend of regret, urgency, and an undercurrent of anger.

"Mother, don't you dare speak ill of my wife!" Lloyd's voice quivered with a mix of disappointment and a newfound determination.

Krystal, surprised by the change in her son's demeanor, observed the turmoil within him. The bond between them had been strained after the car accident caused by Lionel, a turning point that shifted the family dynamics.

"Lionel's recklessness nearly took my wife from me!!! I won't allow her to slip away again, especially not because of you or anyone in this family," Lloyd expressed firmly, the weight of responsibility for your safety etched into his every word.

"Looking down on Y/N? If you continue your disrespect towards my wife, I'll erase you from this world without hesitation," his words cut through the air like a blade, carrying a severity that shocked even himself. The rawness of his anger unveiled a side of him his mother rarely witnessed.

The tension in the room thickened, marking a moment that showcased the transformation in the family dynamic after Lionel's mistake, emphasizing Lloyd's resolute stance to protect you, no matter the source of the threat.

Lloyd's sudden outburst left Krystal utterly speechless. Her usual poised demeanor shattered as she stood frozen, aghast at her son's uncharacteristic and forceful words.

Her mouth agape, Krystal struggled to find her voice. "Lloyd..." she stammered her tone a mix of astonishment and disbelief. The sheer audacity of her son's manner had left her momentarily stunned, unable to comprehend how he could speak to her in such a manner.

As the tense confrontation unfolded between Lloyd and Krystal, unbeknownst to them, Lionel had just returned from school. Hearing their conversation from the hallway, his heart sank, realizing the weight of his actions and their impact on his mother, Y/N.

*******

Frozen in the corridor, Lionel stood in disbelief, absorbing the severity of his mistake and the weight of his father's words. His recklessness had nearly cost his mother's life, and he was now witness to the turmoil it had caused within the family.

As Lionel retreated to his room, the weight of his emotions bore heavily upon him. His heart ached with the burden of his mother's absence—the void left by her amnesia that denied her the memories they once shared.

Tears streamed down Lionel's face as he sat in solitude. His gentle and loving mother, now lost to the turmoil of amnesia, was a painful reality he struggled to accept. Memories of her warmth, the moments they shared, and the comfort of her embrace flooded his mind, deepening the ache in his heart.

But how could he ask that? Before you got amnesia, he wasn't a good son; he never listened to you, and he always abused your kindness to get what he wanted since he knew you could never get mad at him.

In the silence of his room, Lionel's quiet sobs echoed the profound longing to hold her once more, to seek solace in her comforting embrace.

"I miss you, mom... Hikss... I'm so sorry. Please remember me."

He wished for the return of the gentle and affectionate moments they had shared, now lost in the fragments of her forgotten memories. The weight of his own actions that led to this situation bore down upon him, and he wept for the absence of the mother he dearly missed.

Krystal's incident on the first floor resulted in a situation where her leg strength was at risk due to an unforeseen mishap involving her son. During the commotion, her secretary, Zoey, rushed to her aid. When Lloyd encountered Zoey assisting Krystal, a moment of tense silence enveloped the room.

As he observed the scene, Lloyd was deeply affected by the presence of Zoey, his secretary and a figure from a past he wished to leave behind. At that moment, a silent yet weighty realization struck him – the emergence of Zoey, a reminder of past mistakes and the complications that followed, leading to strain in his relationship with you.

As Lloyd encountered Zoey tending to Krystal, he was slightly surprised to see her in front of him. Since you had fallen into a coma, Zoey had seemingly vanished from their lives. Her reappearance at a critical moment, just as you returned home with amnesia, raised questions in Lloyd's mind.

The unexpected reappearance of Zoey, your sudden amnesia, and Zoey's presence at a crucial juncture triggered a series of perplexing thoughts in Lloyd's mind. Who was this woman, and what was her sudden reappearance after your return? The timing seemed more than coincidental, and it sparked a nagging sense of suspicion and doubt within him.

As Lloyd entered his bedroom, he observed you peacefully sleeping on their bed, no longer reliant on the supporting machines—a sight that seemed almost miraculous to him. Gratitude swelled within him, knowing you were alive and resting in the comfort of their home.

Carefully changing into more comfortable clothes, Lloyd approached the bed. Gently, he slid under the covers, mindful not to disturb you. With a heart full of gratitude for her presence, he wrapped his arm around her waist and drew her close, cherishing the moment. Placing his chin on your shoulder, he held her gently, feeling relieved that you were safe and by his side once more.

In the stillness of the moment, as he held you close, Lloyd silently prayed for you to regain your lost memories. He yearned for you to remember the life they had built together, the moments they had shared, and the connection they once had. He hoped for the return of the woman he cherished, hoping that you might once again become the loving and devoted wife you had always been.

After Zoey assisted Krystal back to their residence, she discreetly excused herself and made her way outside. Pulling out her phone, she dialed a number and waited as it rang.

"She's home," Zoey stated before ending the call. A mysterious smirk played upon her lips, hinting at a concealed plan or hidden motive. Her expression bore an enigmatic assurance, suggesting that more was at play beneath the surface.

Join the taglist:

@rubywrites-4, @marigarcia07, @chemtrails-club, @barnescamboy, @esotericgalaxy, @inlovewiththefictionalcharacters, @buckysteveloki-me, @xcaptain-winterx, @magnificentsaladllama, @bagoffeelings, @darkofimagination, @cherrybubblebullet, @starsofcloud ,@thatzolagirl, @notathingjustthere

Any reblog, comment, and feedback are appreciated. I want to know what you guys think.

Series Masterlist || Chapter 1, Chapter 2 , Chapter 3 , Chapter 4, Chapter 5, Chapter 6 , -

Main Masterlist || support me: Ko-fi 🥹💓

[morphinejunkie]

hii how are you? i hope you’re doing well :) i really love your fanfic crush, i’m writing a mello fanfic myself, but i’m having such a hard time capturing his essence, sometimes i get carried away writing him but then i realize it’s not really accurate, i either make him too angry, too much this, too much that, idk, do you have any tips for me? (only if you want, i just really love how you portray him, i think it’s really accurate so i thought what’s better than to ask you?) <3 ✨🌸

thank you very much!

mello was a character i struggled to write at first too. he’s a delicate tightrope walk between intelligence, aggression, coolness and (in my opinion) brevity. personally i find that the hardest thing is striking a balance that encompasses all four.

so i’ll break it down, this is what worked best for me.

1. use canon

the way i wrote mello, i referenced the original manga (and voice/diction in the dub anime) a lot. i would first listen to his lines and try to internalize his voice. and then i would study his body language in his panels and try to shift that body language and attitude into whatever scenario i’m writing.

mello is a pretty layered character, which i think a lot of people struggle with. he plays up the characteristics that people often associate with him (i.e. in the call with the president, he acts taunting and brash) when on his own turf he’s actually very calculating and careful (i.e. any scene in the mafia - he’s often staring into space, sprawled into a relaxed but aggressive position, and thinking).

i think a big thing to remember too is that mello made many decisions in canon that need to be backed up to create a holistic view of who he is. reverse-engineering mello’s character from his actions was a huge part of how i developed my mello as well - “why did mello do this? what motivations were urging him to do the thing he did? why are his emotions this way while he’s doing it?”

general rule of thumb is: if your mello would not do the things that canon mello did, the way that canon mello did, he’s probably ooc.

2. take him as a whole - not parts of him

i focused a lot of my energy on trying to capture mello as a whole. a lot of it is meeting mello where he is, not where you want him to be. assuming he is fully formed, an actual person, and you are getting to know him, not creating him from scratch. when i was no longer concerned about making mello do things that i wanted him to do, and instead interacting WITH mello as a fully formed character, i found it natural to hear his voice. near the end of crush i felt like i was just documenting them with a camera while matt & mello did what they did. they moved almost completely on their own and i was just there to capture it.

for me, especially in the beginning, i would often “practice” by throwing both matt & mello into a scenario with no expectation or plot, and seeing how they play off each other, without trying to move them from point a to point b. i found that let me understand their characters better — better than say a character study or a self-reflection would. in fact the bar scene was that exercise for me, and ended up setting the tone for the rest of the fic.

3. figure out all the different ways you can read mello, and figure out which works best for you

the one thing is, even if you study mello and take him as who he is, there’s not a lot to work from off the original series. a lot of him is further developed in fandom, and so there are various camps of interpretations of mello that are all equally valid & sound. i found that mapping out exactly how mello can be interpreted and figuring out where my mello lay on that scale helped me a lot in determining what i found was personally ic/ooc.

funnily enough this matrix was really helpful even though it was just a stupid joke post from back in the day. i really liked the way “mihael keehl” talked, i found it so cool and grounding. “priss” still exists though the details or manner of speaking has changed over the years, in fact twinky/glamourous mello remains one of the most common interpretations of his character which i personally rejected (i don’t think it reflects his body language in canon at all). “batshit” mello is time and place for me, but ultimately, not how i like to write him (as it only explains some of his actions in canon but not all).

of course writing mello in the end is wholly depends on your personal preference - you could do all of this and still end up with a different vision of mello as i did. as long as he is fully fleshed out to you, the details don’t matter.

[astarionslittlejuicebox]

The Promise of Eternity (Part 8)

Author: @astarionslittlejuicebox

Imagine: The reader helped Astarion ascend and became his spawn. After saving the world from the Elder brain and it’s destruction, the reader and Astarion set out to take on the world together. While he promised to never forget the gifts the reader has given him, Astarion has seemed to have changed his attitude towards the reader in the last century…. After someone breaks one of  Astarion’s rules, how will this affect the reader’s fate?

Pairing: Astarion x F!Reader

Trigger warnings: potential for minor spoilers, suggestive themes, language, mentions of death, mentions of blood, abusive relationship, mention of slavery

Word Count: 702

Imagine Series

Side Notes: 

This imagine series takes place 200 years after the events of Baldur’s Gate 3.  Everything you read in here is a story from my mind outside of the original BG3 character Astarion.

In this imagine series, Astarion is a bit more unemotionally unavailable, and this series will follow the decisions and consequences of that change. This is not canonically accepted and it is just an idea I’ve had in my head! (I do believe Astarion might truly care for the reader after Ascension, but that is open to individual interpretation.)

In this series, TAV is mildly based on my first character I played in BG3; she is a drow and I will make references to her in her background and knowledge as well. I do apologize that it is not 100% your own imagine, but the name for TAV is up to you as well as anything else that I can think of leaving to you, the reader, to decide.

I appreciate everyone who reads the imagines and this series, and I hope you enjoy the story!

TAV POV

I hovered around the yard as I looked for any sign of the tiefling arriving at our doorstep, and I noticed a couple of figures standing at the edge of the pathway. Taking cover in the nearby shrubbery, I focused on the two figures: one figure was a beautiful looking woman with blonde hair and striking golden eyes with pointy ears, and the second figure was an older elven male with golden brown hair and piercing green eyes. My eyes narrowed on their own accord as I recognized the elf as the chef we had just recently hired before the tiefling’s arrival, Ahriman . The other figure bore a striking resemblance to the tiefling that disrupted our lives.

“Are you sure that the plan will work?” Ahriman asked the beautiful looking woman, who smiled sinisterly in response.

“My darling pet, you have planted the seeds to enable my entrance into the mansion. Did you give him the potion as I instructed?” The chef nodded eagerly in response. 

“Of course, Hiedra. He drank it with his evening cup of wine, and he was none the wiser.” I felt the blood in my dead veins boil at the interaction as the woman transformed in a flash of blue light to the familiar tiefling that ruined my life.

Hiedra? That name sounds familiar. I thought to myself as I watched the interaction. Where have I heard that name before?

“Excellent. Then everything shall work, and in a few years time, his guard will be let down enough for me to get exactly what we need from him. Once we have that, we can figure out how to utilize him to take over the world as our servant.” Ahriman laughed as the woman finished her sentence.

“Good. Then the fucking bastard won’t be able to terrorize anyone any longer. What will you do for his consort?” The tiefling laughed.

“Oh, she will leave of her own accord once she realizes that he won’t have any time for her after my arrival.” He gave a nod to her before they went their separate ways; she went to the door and the chef returned the way towards the servants’ quarters. Once they disappeared from sight, I found myself back in the rock cave—seated on the floor in the middle of the circle. I took a moment to reflect on the events I had just witnessed, and I could feel myself getting pissed at what transpired the night that tiefling showed up, but I knew I couldn’t do anything without any proof. 

Now to figure out where I know the name Hiedra from, what the liquid is they’re giving Astarion, and what the hell she’s doing with his blood. Gathering my stuff, I hurried to get back to the castle.

Before I entered the castle, I recast the invisibility spell on myself and snuck into the castle. No one noticed me as I stealthily walked through the hallways. I stopped by my bedchambers to grab two flasks and a small vial before I made my way to Astarion’s bedchambers. I paused outside the double doors and pressed my ear against the solid wood. Closing my eyes, I focused my highly sensitive drow ears on any noise coming from behind the door and quickly moved to step away from the door before the doors flung open. The tiefling herself strolled out from the room.

“I’ll see you later.” She nasally spoke to someone in the room before she started walking down the hall. I stepped out from behind the door as Astarion exited the room and shut the door behind him. My heart told me to reveal myself and tell him of what I saw, but my head knew that I needed to figure out all the shit with the tiefling first. You never go into war based on a measly assumption. My mother’s cold and cruel voice spoke in my head. Assumptions are what threaten the delicate balance of power, but proof of wrongdoings will enable you to wage any war. Heeding my biological mother’s advice, I followed the tiefling as she rounded the corner and made haste towards the servants’ wing of the castle. I prayed to any and all gods listening that I could find out what that shapeshifter was hiding.

[grembox]

Thinking about Dirk Strider once again and how stupid and smart he is at the same time. Dirk’s type of intelligence is really scary because he’s smart enough to be self reflective in a way that many of his friends take a bit of a longer time to get to, and he’s naturally hyper aware of all of his flaws (even before creating Hal, but especially afterward) Dirk’s whole thing is scolding himself by telling himself that he’s better than that. He’s better than feelings and self harm so there’s no way he can be experiencing that. In his mind, the only reason why people are so expressive and open about their own emotions is because they don’t know any better, but /he/ does.

He’s the type of smart where he /knows/that he’s intelligent but has no emotional awareness whatsoever because he’s so focused on analyzing his thoughts from an objective* standpoint that he convinces himself that his own emotions should never have any place in any equation.

I think that’s the big difference between Bro Strider and Dirk Strider; Dirk strider believes his own feelings should not not considered as it clouds his decision making, but Bro Strider feels that emotions belonging to himself AND others have no place in rationalizing his actions. This is exactly how Bro rationalizes his abusive behavior towards Dave and conversely how Dirk rationalizes his self harm. Bro’s inability to consider others’ feelings clouds his moral compass as well as any judgement he gets from others he immediately casts aside as being uninformed. **

I feel like Dirk, after a while of interacting with his friends in person, realizes that the mindset he holds regarding self denial of emotions or emotional expression is unhealthy, but before that I feel like he’d hold some animosity towards himself for not being able to instinctually express emotions that he’s been “suppressing” for YEARS which leads him to the realization. ‘Well I’m bad, my friends are good, I should be more like them. I’m bad for not being as emotionally open as they are,’ and instead of this actually leading him to work on his emotional constipation (or realizing that these emotions and traits are morally neutral) he starts analyzing why he analyzes his emotions, and passively punishes himself. Rinse and repeat.

Footnotes below: \/\/\/\/\/\/\/

*(Which is never truly objective from within his own mind because you cannot be objective about your own thoughts but Dirk for some reason thinks he’s the exception to the rule)

**I.E, In response to people judging him for sword fighting a teenager on the roof, Bro strider thinks ‘I need to be harder on him for him to succeed, to prepare him. They don’t know what our household needs, they should mind their business’ type beat. (Which falls so heavily in-line with black households and how abuse is normalized- Another reason why the Strilondes are Black as Fuck.)

[imaginethezeldaverse]

The price of ruling a kingdom is always steep. Your time. Your energy. Your values. All your currency to be able to lead with a sense of nobility.  Rauru’s price was unsurpassed. In the lengthy fight against the Demon King, his options were limited. He could not win. As Ganondorf’s transformed visage beamed down at Rauru and his withered faction of sages, the King of Hyrule reflected. He thought of the Princess, who lay just behind him, battered and bruised - barely starting her life as a ruler in her own time and now lending her power in his to face an ultimate evil. He thought of his sages, important figureheads to their own people, leaving the safety of their families and homes to fight at his side. He thought of his sister, collapsed at the ground - his council, his confidant, the last living Zonai besides himself to have agency in the land of Hylians. 

...He thought of his wife. His strength in all that he did, his guiding voice, the only person alive to be his peace when the world felt too heavy. How he had failed her...and how he was so tired of failing everyone else.  With a decision at the forefront, Rauru straightened his gaze. It was a last resort, a plan that he’d discussed only briefly with the sages prior to this final battle - but it was time to put it into motion. In a flash he bypassed the distracting swing of the sage’s weapons to launch a full-frontal assault on the Demon King. With all of his power, the first king of Hyrule thrusted his fist through the chest of his enemy, his fingers seizing the heart of the monster and locking both of their bodies into place.  “You bind my heart and steal my magic. You plan to hold me here...” growled the Demon King, “What a clever way to solve your problems.” He stared down at the Zonai, malice vibrant in his orange slits, “But are you ready to pay the price for this?”  Rauru stood his ground as his arm stole away at the Demon King’s lifeforce, “Don’t be so smug...I know exactly what it will cost me.”  He had come to peace with it. For all of his shortcomings, for all that he’d lost, this was the least he could do. There was hope yet in the future - and he needed to play his part in ensuring that there would be one to stop Ganondorf then. With his last breaths he told the Demon King of a knight that would wield a sword of fate...and to the remember the name of the man that would be his end. The world would fade around them both shortly after.  ----- Rauru would awaken to silence. His eyes blurred in their sight, but soon piecing together the blues and greens so similar to the power he possessed. Zonai lettering floated around this place, and the only structures he could see in his peripheral vision as he sat up were a few stone slabs and the archway over his head. His afterlife, was what he concluded.  Had he succeeded? Would there be peace for a time until the swordsman could fight once more? His mind raced as he pondered all the possibilities, only to realize that he would no longer have a say in the outcome. Just then he thought back on his wife’s words of comfort, how she always reminded him that some matters in life had the simplest answers when you led with a just heart.  “Was I enough, Sonia...?” he said to no one. His ears fell as he envisioned her face. Her blonde cascading tresses and smile so genuine. What he would have given for her fate to have been any different. Rauru felt tears slide down his cheeks, the weight of his loss finally taking its toll on him.  “...More than enough, my love” came a soft voice.  Ears perking up, Rauru rose his head, the slightest tremble in his stare. Just before him was his beloved, spectral in appearance, but very much there.  “Sonia...” he whimpered, his hands reaching up to take her own, “How can you say so so easily...I...I failed you.”  The blonde gently squeezed his fingers, “While neither of us may be alive any longer...you have given everyone what they desperately needed most, Rauru.” He eyed her in confusion, unsure of what she meant. Sonia prompted him to rise from his sitting position, her emerald eyes gazing lovingly into his own.  “You gave them hope for the future.”  Her arms came around his torso, head laying against his chest like she had done so many times while they were amongst the living. Rauru relaxed into her embrace, his own hands pushing her closer to him. His ears shook sadly, though in his heart he was happy to have her in his arms once more. “...It was torture without you, Sonia.”  She hummed softly, slowly pulling herself from his hold.  “Which is why I’m here now, my love...you have done all that you were able,” Sonia turns away from him briefly, a bright light now shining in the direction she was looking. Turning back to him, she smiled gently, “It’s time you finally allowed yourself to rest.” 

[tarot-by-tabitha]

Hello ! Hope you are doing well . I saw the slots were open so i got intrested in requesting a reading!

My initial - B

Gemini sun taurus moon and scorpio rising

memoriable childhood memory - when i was a kid my family and me moved into a new place when i was around 9 - 11 years old i think. The place was so calming especially at night and whenever came we used to switch off the lights and lay on the bed at night ( there was my parents bed near the window ) there was a sense of calmness it was so extraordinary feeling that till now it lingers and smtimes i want to go back . Another thing is that i got sexually exploited before moving into that place by few men ( when i was a kid ). One was a bizzare experience but it happened only once and another one wasn’t that much bizzare but it happened more often .

Hello 🍂 thanks for sharing your childhood memories and I’m sorry that happened to you 🙇‍♀️ I hope you are fine now

Sooo I’m connected to one of your past lives around 1920 and 1945.

Your Past Live in a Lost Civilization

In one of your past lives, you were born into lost civilization. a place that no longer exists or has been forgotten by history. This civilization was thriving once, with strong beliefs and systems but it faced many natural disasters and conflicts that led to its downfall. You were the grandchild of someone important in your community, and your family carried certain expectations for you to follow in their footsteps.

Fanatical Faith and Deception

You grew up in a community with a fanatical faith. This wasn’t a calm or gentle belief system, it was one that demanded complete loyalty and obedience. You believed deeply in the religion and followed its strict rules without question. At the time, you were convinced that your faith gave your life purpose, and you dedicated yourself fully to it.

But this faith also made you vulnerable. Someone within your inner circle, possibly a religious leader or a family member betrayed you. The Labyrinth card shows how you became lost in the of lies and manipulation. You were tricked into thinking that following this path would lead to salvation, but it ultimately led to betrayal. The love and trust you placed in others were turned against you.

Guilt and a Life Altering Choice

As you grew older, the guilt from your earlier actions started to burden you. You began to realize that your blind faith had caused harm not only to yourself but to others around you. The guilty conscience you carried was a result of choices made under the influence of this deceptive faith. You regretted the decisions you had made, feeling like you had let down those who depended on you.

At a crucial point in your life, you were faced with a choice. This wasn’t just an ordinary decision it was a life altering one. Your civilization was struck by a massive earth disaster likely an earthquake and the society around you began to crumble. During this time, many were captured and enslaved including you. You were forced to choose between your freedom and the survival of your loved ones. This was not an easy choice and whatever decision you made, it left you feeling responsible for the consequences.

Imprisonment and a Slow Decline

After the disaster you were taken as a prisoner of war or enslaved for labor. The Birds card reflects the chaos that surrounded you in these dark times. You were far from home, trapped in harsh conditions and the constant noise of fear and uncertainty filled your mind. In this captivity, you faced many hardships including starvation and dehydration which ultimately led to your death. It was a slow, painful decline, where you struggled for survival but couldn’t escape the fate of your captors.

A Gifted Grandchild with Prophecy

Although your life was filled with hardship you were not without gifts. As a grandchild of someone important in your civilization, you inherited certain prophetic gifts. You had a natural intuition and an ability to sense things before they happened. These gifts were not fully developed in that life, as your faith and external circumstances often overshadowed your abilities. You were meant to be a guide for your people but the chaos and betrayal you experienced made it difficult to embrace your gifts fully.

The Lesson of Self Trust

The lesson from your life that time was to learn how to trust yourself. This life taught you that true wisdom comes from within. You had the gift of prophecy but you couldn’t use it to its full potential because you didn’t trust your inner voice. Instead you allowed external forces to dictate your actions which led to betrayal and regret.

How This Past Life Affects You Now

In this life, the lesson from that past is still present, you are meant to trust your inner voice and fully develop your gifts. You may find yourself drawn to situations where you have to make tough choices and these moments are opportunities for you to listen to your instincts. The Labyrinth shows that life may feel confusing at times with many paths and voices pulling you in different directions, but you have the wisdom within to find your way out.

Your prophetic gifts are still part of who you are today. You have a natural intuition and an ability to sense things before they happen. The challenge is to trust this gift and not let external pressures or influences cloud your judgment. The Birds remind you that there will always be noise and distractions in life, but your true path lies in quieting that chaos and listening to your own intuition.

I hope you like your reading and please leave a feedback 💓 thanks

[sylvanedadeer]

If I remember correctly, you have mentioned that you are a big fan of literary tropes. Can you tell us what are some of your favorite tropes, least favorite tropes and what tropes you'd like to see more?

This one might be fairly long:

Anyone who knows me fairly well knows I'm literate largely because of comics. It's what my dad had around, so naturally, I'm a bit superhero/fantasy/fiction brained, but my dad is also a latin teacher, so I've been reading Homer, Livy, Herodotus, and Plato for probably longer than I should be. So, genre-wise, I tend to stick to writing/consuming fiction, usually fairly grounded in reality, with superhero stuff tending towards the top of the list.

Some of my favourite literary tropes are "The Self-Chosen One", "The Power of Friendship," and "The Sacrificial Lion".

"Self-Chosen Ones" are kinda self-explanatory, but have some chunky nuance to them. The archetypical "self-chosen one" is Sir Gawain, who chooses to take a challenge that would've otherwise fallen to his king, which ends up roping him... into a bisexual throuple? His isn't as chunky as like, Luz Noceda, who chose to take responsibility for her mistakes and for the people she empowered, or Moana, who rejects her destiny on the basis of destiny and chooses herself to prove TO herself that she can.

Marco, from Adastra, is an interesting instance of this, because the specifics of his "being chosen" were structured in such a way that he super WASN'T necessary. With Luz and Moana, there was... a remarkable lack of people hanging around to solve the plot, so by the Rules Of Stories, they kinda had to take things upon themselves, because otherwise... there's no story. Of course, Marco also had to go forward because PLOT, but 1. Not without grappling with the decision 2. At the detriment to his own health (his near-decapitation) and 3. They clearly outline why he made the choice he did, and also kinda... leave it tenuous on purpose. Very good way of using the trope for a tragedy.

"The Power of Friendship" is less of a trope and more just a reflection of the truth, that humans work well on their own, but will always work better, be happier, and thrive best with other people around them, helping and supporting them. The more direct invocations of this, like in MLP or Yugioh are kinda one of those guilty pleasures, even though I'd argue against the guilty part.

But less overt instances of it, like in Castlevania, when Alucard goes Fucking Nuts because Trevor and Sypha leave. The Avatar Gang and their whole "do you ever wonder if friendships can transcend lifetimes?". There are several instances of "you hurt my friend, time to die" in Invincible that honestly do a lot to keep me going despite the horrific nature of some of the fight scenes.

The most notable one that really got me was the "Loner realizes he has friends and allies" arc in TOTK, because I've clocked. About as many hours on BOTW as I have breathing, and it really does FEEL LONELY AND EMPTY, and that never FELT that way until TOTK came along and my nephew (Tulin) gave me the whole "We're stronger together" bit. I cried.

"Sacrificial Lions" are a little less obvious as to what they are, but the general gist is "a character who exists in the narrative as a heroic bastion of hope, who will be killed or die to further the narrative". Rose Quartz, Pyrrha Nikos, and most versions of Leomon I know about fit this category, as well as, like. Jesus lol.

I've... always liked heroic sacrifices it seems like the best way to really end a heroic character's life, and while I've reexamined that SPECIFIC point, I'm still a lover of the idea. Altruism is a very worthy thing, but I also like how these characters can haunt the narrative, almost always, to the point of making the cast Really Change. Rose is, of course, the inciting incident to an entire show, as her death lines up all of the pins that Steven has to kick over now.

Idk, I'm a fan. I also love it when narrative foils kiss.

[lechir3]

Dear Great Love,

It’s been a hard year. I thought last year had already given me enough, but this year was overwhelming and painful, and I bet next year might feel the same.

This year taught me that we can’t expect too much from someone, and that love comes in many forms—it can be deceiving. People can change at any time, and bonds can break at any time. And though it’s painful, there’s nothing we can do about it but to let things be.

We also cannot force ourselves on someone, especially when we don’t hold the same value to them as they do to us. This used to trouble me so much, to the point where I drained myself completely.

But there’s no point in punishing ourselves for things we can no longer control. I stopped asking, I stopped trying—I just stopped—because I realized we can’t keep doing everything for someone who won’t do the same for us. I stopped because I was slowly losing my grip on myself.

I guess they’re right—our greatest love can also be our greatest pain.

I stopped trying to search for my reflection in you because it only hurt me more. There was no point. It was a big decision because I’m not someone who gives up easily. But unless something is breaking my walls piece by piece, I cannot risk it all. Loving should feel secure, calm, and clear—not messy, confusing, and painful.

I thought last year was enough, yet this year left me so tired. But you know what? It’s still beautiful, because I’ve grown. I’ve learned.

I’m in my own process of healing, and sometimes I break my own rules again. And that’s okay. Things will get better, and eventually, I’ll get there. It may be difficult for now, but one day, it’ll be okay.

I’m looking forward to the day when things no longer hurt. Acceptance is the key—accepting that some people are meant to be let go, while others are meant to stay. We must make good choices.

What more can I say? I wish my great love the best in life. We all deserve a good life. There’s no regret, just genuine love—a story I’ll never tell.

-Richel

[yellowcrispycake]

Fragments of Becoming

"Serenade of the Waves"

Bathed in sunlight, salt-filled breeze and her feet burrowed in the sand, Jhosel took a brief step out of her reality of antiseptic smells and bright artificial lights. Her demeanor showed the scenery's soothing effect on her as she basked in the sound of the waves and took the chance to unload experiences she claimed she rarely had chance to share.

Jhosel graduated in 2023 with a Bachelor's Degree in Medical Laboratory Science. In early 2024, she officially became a Registered Medical Technologist and entered a workforce aligned with her field. Currently, she is preparing for her next step: applying to medical school internationally. Despite how far she has come and what she plans to achieve, she still feels the weight of being "so little" in the world of adulthood. While it overwhelms her whenever her age is mentioned, she can’t escape her reality—and wouldn’t want to. Despite nostalgia for the innocence of childhood, she embraces her current reality with a breath of fresh air, finding freedom and rhythm in her journey.

"Runner Number 0211"

What Jhosel once thought she couldn’t prioritize or see the significance of was the very thing she chose to challenge herself with the moment she finished college. College life demanded much from her intellectually, physically, and time-wise, so running was never a focus. But on September 23, Jhosel completed a marathon after months of hard work. Running challenged her ability to control her breathing and build endurance, but it also required discipline in her diet and early-morning routines. Though she didn’t believe she could achieve such self-discipline, her success tells a different story. Yet, crossing that finish line also marked the end of this phase; running wasn’t a hobby she wanted to continue. Nonetheless, the experience was dear and life-changing in ways beyond the activity itself.

"Treasures of Thought"

Finishing college gave her time to indulge in other hobbies. She was particularly glad to find time to think and write, adding to her collection of notebooks filled with poems and reflections. She also reopened anonymous accounts to share her thoughts, offering comfort and personal insights to others. She continued to build her collection of solved puzzles and reassembled Rubik's cubes. Yet, despite this, a feeling of emptiness lingers. Her craving for continuous learning isn’t as fulfilled as it was while actively working. She even opened herself to the idea of enrolling in a local college to take a course completely unrelated to her field. This manifestation of her continuous desire to actively engage in learning would have been fulfilled had she not been advised to focus on her applications.

"Just keep doing your best and eventually the right people will appreciate and congratulate you."

My Family

“Back then, I was annoyed by my parents' strict rules, but now I realize they taught me self-control. Like when my friends invite me to certain gatherings, I can make sound decisions by considering if the situation might be dangerous or not.”

The Church

“I love the church and the values taught there. Growing up active in the church helped me develop a charitable side. I’m sure the church influenced my ambitions in my field because I really want to help people, especially in medical missions. I want to be able to participate and do more. The church also helped me understand my parents; I might not have understood their strictness otherwise. But the church gave me principles and values.”

My Experiences with People

Jhosel admitted that she recently had experiences that were emotionally challenging. They intensified her desire for external validation—she wanted to show that she was doing well without certain people in her life. Painful experiences can make us bitter without us realizing it. Finding clarity, she now compares it to “breaking free from a chokehold, realizing that the arms holding me were actually my own.” She no longer seeks external validation, saying, "Life is so much better without seeking validation from them."

Most people in her past may have stayed in the past (even versions of those people), but it's the multitude of her interaction with them that had made her to be who she is now. And recently she laments over the thought of having so little opportunity to engage with them with time and space against her. Despite this, she relishes with the memories she shared with them and finds these years in her life an opportunity to focus on her self and less on her social obligations.

"I'm 24, but I feel like I'm still a kid"

An MLS graduate, an RMT, and now a Med Tech professional aiming for med school, Jhosel’s journey is filled with life-changing decisions. She has seen long-term dreams fall apart, some delayed, and others still uncertain. But she's here now, taking one step at a time. Erik Erikson’s theory emphasizes adolescence as the peak phase for identity exploration, yet Jhosel's story reminds us that self-discovery is a lifelong process. We often crave clarity in our future, but there’s freedom in being lost.

[dahliaontherun]

Maria has to die

TW: blood, animal death/slaughter, knives

Chicken are anxious, wary animals by nature; from their hatching they seem aware of their fragile existence in this world, their hollow bones filled with the fear of certain death. No matter how slowly you enter the pen, how gently you give them corn, how softly you sing them lullabies, they will still run from you.

But not Maria. Ever since she was a chick, she was always willing to come a little closer to me and eat from my hand. When she got older and separated from her mother, she came out at the pen entry to welcome me; now, a few years as a fully grown laying hen, she walks around the farm like she owns it, never flinching at our approach; she comes sit on my lap when I tend the garden, and closes her eyes when I sing. She coos to Maria de Nazaré the most, and so my parents and I have taken to calling her Mariazinha. Little Maria.

Maria can live up to ten years like any other chicken. But like any other chicken I've always known she won't. Chickens don't die of old age, ever; it is human law, or animal curse. You can't waste the meat by letting it get too hard with age.

I didn't know for how long my mother would be willing to keep her, and I never had the courage to ask.

I had almost convinced myself Maria could be an exception to the rule when today, in this cloudy October day, a few weeks after her 3rd birthday, my mother finally calls:

"Child," Her voice is softer than ever, "Maria has to die."

She does not give me much time to prepare. She disappears from the window, but I can still follow her movements by the sound of the opening drawer and the clinking of metal. I feel my blood leave my face as I hear her returning steps.

The knife is the first to emerge at the window, followed by my mother's hand, her sagging arm, her torso, and a wooden bowl wrapped by her other arm. She holds both objects over the windowsill, the blade pointing toward her, the bowl facing up. I grab the first by the wooden stem, its blade too rusty to show a reflection, and press the latter against my torso with my elbow.

I walk away in uncertain steps, toward the end of the concrete slab and the beginning of the yard. I sit down by at its border, the patch of ground between them stained with dry blood.

I look up to the sky – of a uniform light gray – and take a deep breath. My mother's eyes burn my back, urging me to get it over with.

Mariazinha, I call, and she comes in her little jumps, her wings fluttering, like so many times before. She does not hesitate when she sees me by what must be her closest idea of hell. She comes close, her feathers softly brushing against the knife, as if she does not believe it has any power to do harm if it is my hands that hold it.

She startles when I grab her by the feet, but doesn't resist when I hold her wings out. I push them against the concrete with my left foot, hold her feet with my right one, and grab her head with my left hand. Her eyes tremble under my gaze, but she makes no attempt to flee.

It is only when I pluck out the feathers on her neck that she realizes what is going on. She coos. She tries to move her wings. She sticks her neck out. I begin to sing Maria de Nazaré to calm her down, but stop before I finish the opening verse. It is dishonest to give her any hope of a better fate.

"This was always going to happen," I whisper. "You've been dead since the beginning." The words I'm sorry come to my mind but I quickly reject them. Remorse requires repentance, and I know Maria won't be the last.

I hit the knife into her throat as decisively as I can. Local folklore says pitied animals take longer to die and I do not want to extend Maria's suffering. I place the bowl under the cascade of blood and wait for the breath of life to leave her open artery. When I let go of her, her wings are still stiff and folded in take-off position; her eyes turned upwards to the sky.

Everything else happens as usual. The boiling water, the fire, the cleaning of the guts, the breaking of the bones, the seasoning, the cooking. I had asked my mother to gift it to another family, but she said it wouldn't be right of us to free ourselves from that burden, nor would it be fair to Maria to have her death appreciated by someone who was not aware of the suffering attached to it. We raised her. We killed her. Now, we eat her.

We have lunch in silence.

[projectarkquel]

For my Tumbler Tuesday

Some things I learned from all the mistakes and bad decisions I made in my life.

1. You can’t change what you tolerate. If you let people disrespect you then they don’t have any reason to respect you at all and it applies to ALL.

2. Love yourself always. Unahin lagi ang sarili even if you tend to give 100% to everyone, always make sure to leave something for yourself so if ever the time comes that no one is willing to stay on your side you still have yourself.

3. Even superheroes has their own weaknesses. Hindi laging strong tayo. Its okay to be weak at times. Its not every time you can bear the pain, rejection and disappointment. If you can no longer carry the cross rest for a while, cry if you must-life must go on.

4. Let go of toxic people. Unfriend, block ang delete. It will bring you peace of mind.

5. Move forward and never look back. One of hardest lesson actually that even today I am having a hard time to do. Often times, its one step forward and two steps backward. Whenever I fail, I start all over again.

6. Do things that make you happy. No one can buy you happiness. Take the risk so you wont regret the things that you didn’t do. Ang hirap nung laging may “kasi ikaw eh!”, “sana talaga”, “dapat kasi” etc. Masakit to sa heart kapag laging may ganitong eksena.

7. Cherish every moment. Treat each moment as if this is your last. Do not be afraid to let your emotions be felt. Be honest with your feelings.

8. Avoid “okay lang ako” moment. Nope! Hindi ka okay and its okay to tell that. Be open about it and discuss it. Mental health is important. Don’t let sadness rule your emotions. Don’t let someone invalidate your feelings. We have our own capacity to carry our own cross, no one should ever question that.

9. Its not about the length of relationship. If someone doesn’t see you as someone they will spend their life with, they will drop you anytime- without explanation, without any guilt on their part. Yung mga gagong paasa naman utang na loob have some decency to let the other person know. Don’t keep them wondering what went wrong. They deserve to know, they deserve to sleep peacefully at night without questioning God’s intention. The pain is unbearable (maniwala kayo putang ina sa sakit ‘to).

10. Silent Time/Reflection Time. Hindi laging masaya guys! May mga pag kakataon na you will question your worth (based on personal experience ‘to), you will doubt your capacity as a person, praning moments, over thinking and having doubts. I would always tell these words “whenever I am in doubt, I just need to trust you a lil bit more”. Always remember that things may not go as what we have planned but God will never give us what we can’t bear. Iyak mo lang tapos inom ka ng vodka. Pray and ask guidance. I have survived so many heartaches sana wala na ngayon.

11. Kahit na gaano ka unfair ang mundo sayo, don’t make that as an excuse to be a bad person. Continue to live a good life, let’s believe that God will reward all our pain and sacrifices.

12. Do not assume, do not conclude. I am still on the process of mastering this. I know I will get through with this with flying colors.

13. Viu and Netflix were created for person like me. Laking tulong nito during my dark times. Binge watch if you must. One way or another it will teach you that no matter how hard life can be, there still a reason to enjoy movie and tv shows. Okay na yung ma fall in love ka sa mga characters wag lang sa maling tao.

14. Forgive yourself always. Because you are not perfect. You make bad decision, you choose the wrong people and that’s okay. Sabi nga nila charge to experience na lang. Forgive and move forward because time will come that everything will fall into place.

15. Live the life is you always wanted. During my dark times, when everything seems so wrong with myself, I realized how important my decisions are. So, after being betrayed for a couple of times, got disappointed with a lot of people, hurt by a lot of friends- I decided to cut out those people in life. Just recently, I took the courage to delete all the remaining photos and messages which bring me back to those hurtful moments. Signed up for a new social media account and added those people who just really matters. Those i miss you’s and i love you’s s does not matter anymore , those “tara labas tayo”, “tawag ako”, “punta ko dyan”, “wait mo ko” will be a just a part of the person who no longer exist. It was a good fight. With all that has been said and done, I am taking the risk to give myself the freedom to live the life I always wanted, to focus on myself and to someone I know who will bring peace and sanity to my life. ILYSB.

16. Things happen for a reason. A lot of us experience failures in life. Madalas, I always ask God bakit ako? Ang dami namang masamang tao dyan pero bakit ako. Why do I have to go through a lot of hard times na feeling ko I don’t want to live na sana isang araw matapos na kasi sobrang painful na. And then, maiisip ko na lang if those things didn’t happen, ano na kaya ako, ano na kaya tayo. Ganito pa rin ba ko ka strong, ganito pa rin ba ang personlaity. So, I have accepted that it was all in God’s plan. Those heartaches kept me from being humble and strong despite struggling emotionally, mentally and physically. I choose to live on the present. Kung may mga pag kakataon man na maiisip ko na sana ganito, sana ganyan- yun yung regrets na sana noon pa lang nag risk na ko.

17. Be careful with the people you trust because chances are they will hurt you more than anyone else.

That being said, I would still keep on praying for the things I wanted to happen and one day I will be able to say “this is what I prayed for”

xx

Project Arkquel

[olgbenga-agboola]

The Power of Perseverance: How Olugbenga Agboola’s Challenges Shaped the Future of Payments with Flutterwave

It’s hard for a company not to take on the personality of its founders. They’re the ones who set the culture, express the vision, and make those first crucial hires. Luckily for Flutterwave, Olugbenga “GB” Agboola has the kind of work ethic and demeanor that’s built for success.

The way a founder’s personality seeps into their company is plain to see across almost every industry. Jeff Bezos’ ultra-competitive spirit pervades the machinations of Amazon. Apple still follows Steve Jobs’ form-follows-function ethos and emphasis on simplicity. And who can deny that Tesla is the very manifestation of Elon Musk’s idiosyncratic style and outsider positioning?

So how does a conscientious overachiever like Olugbenga Agboola affect a payment services company that has gone from simple startup to Africa’s first unicorn? It may be harder to notice the personality of a tech company focused on finance, but it’s there. It just takes a little bit of digging to uncover how the company seems to reflect everything about how he is and how he conducts business.

Olugbenga Agboola: ‘People Are the Secret Sauce’

For starters, look at how the company has grown.

“I have to admit that I am very people-centric,” Olugbenga Agboola said. “I listen to people a lot. I think of what people will feel. I think of their own career growth, what will work for them. I do this because I realized very early that people are the secret sauce of the company. It’s not our technology. It’s our people.”

A company that focuses on people doesn’t grow according to data trends. It grows according to user needs and employee availability. By that metric, it’s easy to see how Olugbenga Agboola’s outgoing personality and thoughtful disposition are baked into the strategy that’s led Flutterwave to its most recent $3 billion valuation. 

“It’s the people that come to work every day that put in their shift, those are the people that matter,” he stated. “So I put them ahead of my investors, ahead of my board.”

That’s one way that Flutterwave has been able to keep growing amid the COVID-19 pandemic and the post-pandemic economic challenges. Flutterwave’s emphasis on employee morale has kept it chugging along at its typical breakneck speed. 

As it turns out, when employees feel valued, well compensated, and important, they work harder and stay longer. That ensures that Flutterwave doesn’t suffer from brain drain and that legacy information remains with the company, even as it grows into new markets and launches new products. 

The other way that Flutterwave manifests the personality of Olugbenga Agboola is through its product strategy. 

“I rely on the Colin Powell rule, which is that you have to be data-aware, not data-dependent,” he said. “When you know too much about something, it’s too late. For example, I imagine that to make a decision, I need just 60% of the information required. By the time I get to 95% or 90% and I’m sure, then it’s too late for a decision to be made. It’s already in the past, and the right time to act is long gone. I believe in that a lot. It’s something that I use in my work, and it’s worked for me all my life. That’s one [piece of] advice that I would give and also to ensure that I do that.”

Flutterwave began by helping large companies navigate payments across national borders. International corporations are great clients because they have lots of money. But instead of continuing to focus solely on the biggest fish, Flutterwave pivoted toward helping small businesses and, eventually, individuals. 

Those were moves that seem prescient in retrospect but had a risky feeling at the time. The company made the moves anyway, relying on Olugbenga Agboola’s intuition and understanding of the facts. 

“The other thing I do is to trust my gut,” he shared. “That’s something that has always driven me in the right direction and really helped me stay true to what I want to accomplish. It helps me do the right thing and act quickly.”

[elmozzosays]

The One Second Decision

I meant to write this a couple days ago. I did announce it over twitter but life and plans for the better happened along the way. Found a day when I could sit down and put down a couple of paragraphs to detail my 1 second decision. But what is it? it’s not what you think. I am fully aware about my preferences. Stay here and I'll further explain: 

November 2022: on fully working season. Every place at the food industry is blooming with constant pressure and long hours to work. At that moment I was well, eating whatever I could find, going with friends after work for drinks and sightly resting. It took a toll. Some people started to notice something in me that I was not fully aware: I was gaining weight. People’s opinions about me are not relevant, but when more people noticed, it was something to analyze. 

By the end of the World Cup, I was invited to shoot a baby shower. Some coworkers were invited. I was extremely exhausted and basically went home and passed out in bed. I had missed calls by 2 girls who were there, wondering where I was. A chance missed. Something could've sparked there but it is what it is. 

At the beginning of 2023 a surprise boost at my workplace occurred (from January to March is dead season) but this one was different. I was glad but my mood, physique was getting at a low point. All these months of every day drinking were affecting me that I secretly dealt with a minor depression, not even my friend who I hang out the most knew. One of my coworkers gave birth and she insisted to visit her and I had to decline several times. I later revealed to her the real reason and she understood. it wasn't bullshit, it was some serious stuff. 

Reaching 40 made me realize a lot of things. I need to make serious changes, especially body wise. One day after taking a shower I look at the mirror fully naked and realize something: A change must be made. I look disgusting! beer belly, no muscle, weak. On Thursday, March 16 a decision was made and it only took 1 second to make it happen: I embarked into a commitment fully to myself: Improved everything about me, leave behind all sorts of addictions (drinking) and start on a new regimen. I always had dumbbells laying around the house. Bought them a long time ago and used them from time to time but nothing serious. This time, I set the rules. Started with 3 day workout of 40 mins with weights, quit drinking (mostly) meaning I don't drink every day like I used to. Also, change my eating routine. Left aside what my body don't need. Now I see food as fuel. 

Ditching those bad habits was as simple as 1,2,3. I must admit, I gotta thank my Military school background for the early mindset I was given back In the early 90′s. That still happens to this day. Discipline is my ultimate drive. 

I have made the 3 month mark since I decided to change. It was hard at first, but like my sister told me, It’s better now than later. People stared to notice the change and it’s not accident: the effort I'm putting now, will reflect tomorrow. It’s a long ride, but every step counts. My minor depression went away, I no longer feel sad or anxious about stupid shit, determination for what I want to do shows up every day: I perform better at work, eat right, rest better and an overall change is reflected. 3 months ago, none of that was present. None. 

I am also more confident. Clothes that didn’t fit, do now, my waist shrunk and now update in jeans must be made. I feel slim. no more embarrassing beer gut and for the first time, wearing a t-shirt feels natural. 

For you reading this and want to make a change for yourself: it’s never too late. We all start at something that’ll later develop into a normal part of your life. Do it for you, not for others. This change I made also risk leaving some people behind, including my 9 year friendship (on that on some other post). It was a hard decision, but it wasn't contributing anymore. 

Thanks to a decision not hard to make, I am on the other side of the fence. Focusing on what matters, on what's important: Myself. 

[l0vesquared]

2023 - Trust

It's crazy how much we change and grow over the years. What to say, what to say before I disappear for another few years..

I have a partner now. We met at the end of 2021 and they moved in with me at the beginning of 2023.

It feels like the most adult thing I've ever done.

When I was younger, and I'm sure a lot of people relate, I wanted to be older. What was it about growing up that seemed so appealing? In my case, I think it may be because I had so many great teachers during school. I looked up to these adults and so I thought being an adult would make me awesome too. Maybe I thought time would make me awesome.

I know that was leaning melancholic, but I'm actually in a very good place right now. I'm pretty proud of where I'm at. I know the last time I was here I wasn't doing well- "starving for validation" was an accurate statement that past me was able to grasp.

But I think I know now it isn't time that made those adults awesome. It was who they were. It was their personality, and their decisions, and their experiences that shaped them into amazing people. Understanding that I think has also helped me get in touch with myself. I never needed to lament over not being good enough. I just needed to be me, do my best, live my life, and take it one day at a time. "Trust the process." That's my peace.

Something that I had to work on back in 2021 was this tendency I had to worry about the next thing. I was obsessed with being "efficient" with my life, that as soon as I accomplished something, I was already researching how to get the next thing done. It made it easy to let work engulf my life, and while I was "successful" I was not happy. I never enjoyed the moment, and it took a lot of self reflection and time to myself to realize that being good at something / accomplishing things did not mean they made me happy.

When I learned that about myself, I let myself do things I wanted to do. It sounds so simple (they say the answer usually is, right?). If I wanted to nap after work, I would let myself nap and not worry about the things I could be doing (as long as it wasn't being irresponsible). If I wanted to play an old video game, I would play it and not argue with myself over how I have new games. If I wanted to clean all day, I would clean and not pressure myself to go do something "more fun". If I wanted to talk to this person even though they were across the country, then I would. Despite one of my rules being not to do long distance.

Liberating. That was a word I used in college when I started getting free time. It's a word I would use to describe the feeling of no longer allowing the crime of me judging my own desires while also not trusting my own decisions.

That's why living with a partner feels like the most adult thing for me. Young me could never imagine trusting someone enough to live with, let alone trusting my own judgment to fall in love.