#and by new brush i mean the standard pen brush instead of the standard pencil brush

[venuscitrus]

hedgehog doodles

[sayonarasanity]

Reverberation

Chapter V

link to AO3

Chapter 1 - 2 - 3 - 4

notes: the song that will be mentioned in this chapter is She's a Rainbow by Lola Marsh and also here is the Spotify link. I highly recommend you to listen to it especially while reading that part. it's truly an incredible song

The first year of high school passed by in the blink of an eye. Between the adjustment of classes, advanced math, and literature, teachers of idiosyncratic character treats and a variety of teens in the class he didn’t even understand the period between September and June. If he was being honest there wasn’t much noteworthy difference between middle school and high school except for the lessons and maybe some physical changes among his peers as well as himself. Save for the height part. Apparently, he wasn’t gifted like that giant Mike or the very sophisticated Erwin Smith.

There was nothing much to do during the summer break. He worked alongside his uncle in the market to at least gain some money and not spend his whole time lying on his bed, sweaty and gasping for a breath while a single leaf on a tree begged for a tiny breeze to make it wiggle. He read some books, watched some TV shows, played soccer with the other boys in class; Mike, Erwin, Oluo, Guther, Eld and even Moblit when or if they were around. Went to the beach with the same squad in addition to girls like Petra, Nifa, Nanaba and Hanji.

Most of his time was spent with Hanji, of course. On the roof, in the attic, in each other’s rooms, sometimes at the library—because the heat didn’t stop Hanji from being a complete nerd—and sometimes she helped him in the market while stuffing his mind with countless  mind-blowing  topics.

And so came the second year of high school.

And it took Hanji only two weeks to be late for the first class in the morning.

“I can’t believe you actually slept in,” Levi told her after she came inside the class during the break, gasping, her face flushed red possibly from running, hair dishevelled and absolutely not  combed,  and sat down on her desk in front of him.

She was trying to adjust her breaths as she turned over to face him. The dispersed, brown strands were covering her face, some of them had stuck on her reddened cheek and forehead. After the not so successful haircut, Levi had given her, she had also gotten bangs. Courtesy of her mother. “I was reading a book last night.”

“And?” He raised a brow.

She pushed the glasses up, and leaned in closer, putting an elbow on top of his desk. “I couldn’t sleep.”

“What kind of book could possibly make you stay awake all night?”

“It’s called The Blind Owl.” She shivered as if a chill had gone through her body. “It was the most disturbing thing I’ve ever read. And the thing is I couldn’t stop reading it because it was also ridiculously intriguing,” she sighed and rubbed her eyes under her glasses. “It cost me my sleep though.”

“That bad, huh?” Levi asked, but it was obvious from the dark circles under her eyes.

“I mean, it wasn’t that bad actually. It was masterfully written for sure. It was just—”

“Disturbing.”

“Yes. There is no other word to explain it.” She ran a hand through her dispersed hair, but her fingers got stuck between the knots. Then she looked at her wrist and groaned frustrated. “I forgot my hair tie.”

One of the things the almost six years of friendship with Hanji had thought him was to collect the items she had a habit of forgetting, mostly in his room. He had a drawer full of her lost, black hair ties. He kept a few on his pencil case or sometimes, like today, he carried one of them on his wrist. “Here,” he said extending it to her.

“What would do without you?” she whined as she took the tie from him.

“You wouldn’t survive a day,” Levi pointed out. It wasn’t even half-joke.

“Agreed,” she nodded. She had finished tying up her hair. Now her face was more on display, the flush on her cheeks was nearly gone. Levi realized that her nape was not covered with the too-short strands that couldn’t make it into her sloppy, little ponytail.

His hand moved instinctively, naturally even. “Your hair has grown long again,” he told her with a frown. And when his fingers touched her bare nape, she winced quite clearly for his frown to get deeper. He retreated his hand upon her reaction.

Her hand held the place he had barely touched seconds ago and when she noticed his expression she laughed. “God, your fingers are cold.”

Levi folded his hand as a fist, pressing his fingertips on his palm to see if his fingers were indeed cold as she had said. His body temperature was low, it was no news to him but at the moment his fingertips was not that cold for her to give such a reaction. Maybe because she had run here it was her body which was unnaturally hot, he reasoned, not really satisfied but he would accept it for the time being.

“Do you want me to cut it?”

“No,” she objected, avoiding his stare. “I’ll use it like this for a while.”

Her hand went on rubbing her neck, it seemed like an almost unintentional, absent-minded motion at this point.

“I made some research,” Hanji said when the silence got a little awkward for their standards. She then looked through her bag with both hands and slammed a wrinkled piece of paper on his desk.

“What’s this?” He examined her inelaborate handwriting but couldn’t understand the overall concept of what was written. Meanwhile, Hanji brought a pen over the page and underlined two words that were written in capital letters.

ROSE and SINA.

“These two are the best universities of the country,” she started to explain. “Both in terms of education and in terms of different opportunities for students. Student clubs are very much active also the campuses are huge.”

Levi had heard of the universities of course. They were named after the cities they were located in. Sina was almost three hours away from their town and Rose was even further in the opposite direction. But they had to leave the town at some point if they wanted to receive a good education. As Hanji had told the two of them were probably their best options and if they manage to keep their grades high enough there was a chance for both of them to make it into the same university. But, which one?

“But?”

“But” she carried the pen over the word Sina and drew a circle around it. “Since Sina is a technical university, I think it is a far better option for us considering the departments we want to study.”

Levi hummed thoughtfully. She did have a point.

“Also,” she continued, eyes glittering. “Great professors like Keith Shadis, Theo Magath and Darius Zackly are teaching there. Imagine the lectures…” she shrieked with excitement and wiggled in her seat. “It’s gonna be so fun!”

Levi shook his head at her quite early thrill and snatched the pencil out of her hand. He drew an arrow to the word Sina and wrote elegantly above: GOAL. “Sina it is then.”

Hanji took the pencil back and while nodding she scratched the word he had just written and instead, bringing the pencil a little to the crosswise she wrote: DREAM.

She looked at him then as if to confirm, with a bright smile on her lips and eyes full of the glitter of the dream she held so close to her heart. It was contagious. Levi felt his lips curling up, and maybe a tiny bit of that lustre in her eyes had reached out to his own. And he thought that maybe it wasn’t that hard after all.

How naïve, a sly, foreign voice whispered in the back of his mind. Little boy, how naïve.

-

“So, what’s going on between you two?”

Hanji lifted her eyebrows upon Nifa’s question and moved her stare to whom the question was directed. Nanaba gulped her bite with seemingly a little more force than necessary and blinked innocently at Nifa. “What do you mean?”

“You know what I mean,” Nifa wiggled her brows, smirking mischievously at their suffering friend. “You and Mike.”

Petra hid a chuckle behind her hand as Hanji bit her cheek inside to stop her smile from shaping so obviously. They were sitting in the backyard of the school on an arbour for lunch. There was still for about half an hour until their next class and from the looks of it, Nifa had decided to use it for some gossip.

“Nothing,” Nanaba answered nonchalantly then she brought the straw of her peach juice to her mouth and took a very long sip. Hanji didn’t miss the faint blush on her cheekbones. “We’re friends.”

“You’re a little too close for being friends, don’t you think?” Nifa asked with a sweet voice, dropping her chin on top of her intertwined fingers, smiling.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about?” Nanaba brushed her off, taking another bite from her sandwich.

“Stop tormenting her, Nifa,” Hanji interrupted just as Nifa was about to say something else. “She can tell us when she feels like it.” Hanji then smirked at a very pissed Nanaba, who was glaring at her so hard Hanji thought she could catch flames just by responding to her stare.

Suddenly, someone dropped something in front of her with a loud “pat” and Hanji looked down, startled, to a packet of chocolate milk, then looked up to a frowning Levi.

“Did you eat?”

“Yep!” Hanji rested her chin on her palm and smiled at him. “Did you?”

He nodded silently and gestured at the milk standing on the wooden table. “You’re gonna pay me back for that later.”

“Stingy,” she murmured as he turned his back to her. Hanji saw the other boys gathered up around a bench a little away from where she and the girls sat. And before Levi went too far away, she shouted behind him, “When shall we meet again?”

He glanced at her above his shoulder. “After school,” he said, flatly.

“Come on, Levi!” She lifted her chin from her palm, disappointed. “You should’ve said “when the hurly-burly is done”, I thought you were better than that!”

He turned his whole body to her this time, walking backwards. A smirk played on one corner of his lips, midday sun caught his eyes, and her heart skipped a beat. “And you should’ve asked, “in thunder, lightning or in rain?” I thought you were better than  that , genius.”

Take him and cut him out in the little stars.

Levi was beautiful. Hanji recalled the day she had first realized it, the faint yellow leaves and the crackling sound of fire. The realization had hit hard, and she couldn’t have understood the reason why right away. It was startling that was for sure but after some thorough and logical consideration, she had decided that it was all about being a teenager.

It was that simple. Thinking a boy was beautiful was natural. Besides, it wasn’t just Levi. Erwin, for instance, was attractive. With a sharp chin, bright, blue eyes and that shiny yellow hair that always looked so soft like cotton. He wasn’t necessarily beautiful though but attractive still, handsome even.

And he will make the face of Heaven so fine.

Levi turned his back to her again and Hanji snorted, opening the straw of her chocolate milk. “He got me bad.”

When she put the straw between her lips for a long sip, she realized the silence that has settled on the table and when she took a glance above her glasses, she saw the three other girls looking at her.

“What?” she asked after gulping.

“What’s with you two?”

“Huh?”

It was Nifa again and this time the question was directed at her. “You and Levi?”

Hanji blinked, trying to reason her question. “What about us?”

“You seem close,” Petra added instead of Nifa. Her hazel eyes curious as she observed Hanji. “Like real close.”

Hanji frowned and pushed her glasses back to their proper place. “We are best friends.” They seriously hadn’t understood it for a year?

“I bet everyone thinks you’re dating,” Nifa said laughing.

Oh? “That’s ridiculous,” Hanji said, shaking her head. “Why would I date my best friend?”

Nifa shrugged, and Petra looked thoughtful. “How long have you been friends?”

Hanji didn’t know why but she felt her stomach curl. “Since we were eleven.”

Petra hummed and the conversation seemed to be over like that. Hanji chewed the plastic stick thoughtfully and with distress, she couldn’t find the reason why. The curl stayed solid in her stomach, sharp and insistent. Absently she noticed that Petra was staring somewhere with a strange expression in her eyes and when Hanji followed her stare, she saw Levi standing in front of the bench the other boys were sitting. Mike who was standing next to him had wrapped an arm around his shoulders, and he looked content, his features relaxed, his black hair looked smooth touching his forehead.

That all the world will be in love with the night.

Goddamn Juliet, she thought bitterly, frowning she took her eyes away from him. Goddamn Shakespeare.

*

“What did you want to talk to me about?”

It was Wednesday afternoon on a nice autumn day. Near them was a tree slowly getting peeled off its leaves, and the clouds were reflecting the orange light the sun created. It was also reflecting on her ginger hair, making it shine almost yellow.

“I, uh…” Petra cleared her throat, squeezed her hair behind her ear as the blush that had appeared on her cheeks gradually became more visible. “This is harder than I expected.”

Levi raised his brows. He had been wondering what Petra wanted to talk to him ever since she asked him if they could meet after school in the backyard this morning. He had found it a little awkward because it had felt like she wanted to talk to him in private and he couldn’t have thought of any reason why she would wish for that.

“You look nervous,” he told her.

“Well, of course, I am,” Petra laughed, not a cheerful one. “I am trying to…”

She let out a sharp breath as if she was angry at herself and she wasn’t looking at him too. Her eyes were scanning their feet, her fingers were fidgeting, brows furrowed.

And Levi was quietly getting an idea about why she wanted to talk to him.

“Just tell me,” He tried to encourage her, feeling his own heartbeat getting faster abruptly.  

Finally, she looked up at him, her cheeks painted crimson and she took a long, deep breath before she said, “Would you like to go to the cinema with me?”

“Oh,” he said.

Not the kind of reaction he should’ve given apparently. Petra bit her lower lip anxiously at first, searching his eyes. He must be pretty shocked for she looked a little discouraged upon his reaction. But within seconds she gathered herself up, her shoulders held high.

“I… liked you since the seventh grade,” she said, the blush spread from her cheeks to her neck, but she continued to be resolute without looking anywhere else than him. “And I thought that there is nothing wrong with asking a boy out if that boy doesn’t seem to be doing it anytime close.”

Levi felt his own cheeks heating up. Admittedly, he had never realized Petra had such feelings for him. “Sorry.”

Petra laughed, somewhat forcefully. “It’s okay,” she gulped, and a weak smile vibrated on her lips. “Just don’t be harsh if you’re gonna say no.”

Levi considered her offer quietly. Petra had always been a good friend and she was a nice person too. Kind, tidy and even funny. She loved painting and drawing and was pretty gifted at them as well. And she smelled fresh, Levi guessed it was because of the softener she used on her clothes, her hair was soft, and her eyes were pretty.

“When do you want to go?”

Said pretty eyes glittered as she beamed at him. For a second, in the back of his mind, he saw a very similar image belonging to another girl with auburn hair and hazel-brown eyes who had a smile that reminded him of the rainbow after rain and sun.

“What about this Friday after school?” Petra asked, excitedly.

“Sure,” Levi responded, trying to smile and ignore the weird feeling in his stomach.

*

When he stepped into the roof, the night was chilly, the sky was full of transparent, quietly moving clouds, the stars were shining behind them, the Wanning Gibbous was hanging low on the horizon, and Hanji was standing on the edge of the roof, her head laid backwards.

Levi didn’t even know if he breathed, his heart jumped to his throat as he threw his schoolbag to the ground and walked closer to her from behind cautiously. “Hanji, what the fuck are you doing?”

“Watching the sky,” she replied, smiling.

Levi felt a muscle move on his jaw; his heart was beating so loud it almost hurt his ears. He focused on adjusting his breaths. In and out. “Don’t be ridiculous. Get back down.”

Hanji shrugged and Levi nearly had a heart attack right then and there. He felt his eyes widen, and his breath hitched. “I feel closer to the clouds like this.”

“Hanji,” he took slow, careful steps towards her. The night breeze was toying with her dispersed hair, her face was tranquil, her eyes never left the sight of the clouds. The smile that was drawn on her lips was unmoving like it was craved there by the hands of a masterful sculptor. And he watched her, his heart still beating fast and loud, his breaths irregular, and his eyes wide, and he thought about—

Stars

how free she looked at that moment like she belonged to the sky, the stars and the moon. As if they shone for her only.

hide your fires.  

Brown hair and brown eyes but Hanji was luminous. She kept the colours hidden, had a brush and a palette ready in her hand. The murky night did nothing but to contrast the light, she had a way with the world which made her stood out among the dullest of sounds and faces. Even on top of a derelict building, she was—

Let not light see—

the most beautiful thing he had ever seen.

He grabbed her wrist, inhaling hard and thick then he drew her back with a quick move of his arm. Her body turned and crashed against him, and he stumbled backwards a few steps, but he kept his balance, wrapping his arms around her waist securely, without any intention of letting go. He vaguely heard the surprised shriek Hanji made upon his unexpected move. And he half-expected her to push him back, to laugh it off and to say that he was being dramatic again. That nothing was going to happen anyway, it wasn’t like she was going to jump.

Yet instead, her arms circled his neck as she rested her cheek on his head and at that very moment Levi realized that he had never thought of losing her, of what would happen if she were to leave his life. Just like he had never imagined a day without the sun rising. The thought was uninvited and unwelcomed, and it cropped a fear in his heart so profound, he drew a shivering breath in before he buried his face on her neck. Then he pushed that thought deep down to the dungeon in his head never to see daylight again.

“I’m okay, you know,” Hanji spoke after seconds.

“Stupid,” he said, holding her tighter. “Stupid four-eyes.”

“Mm,” she muttered, amused. Then she started to move left and right making him follow her movements as if they were dancing. “I’m going to let all the world know that Levi Ackerman cares for me.”

Levi placed his forehead on her shoulder, pressing hard. “Someone needs to care for your sorry ass, or you’ll drop it down a goddamn building.”

She laughed, and it felt so good to hear it he immediately craved the sound soon as it faded away. Hanji stopped moving afterwards, then put her hands on his shoulder to push him slightly back. He withdrew reluctantly but kept his hands on either side of her waist not ready to let go just yet.

Her eyes were somewhat misty as she watched him, as the sharp peak of a mountain lost behind a grey fog. Levi frowned at her, searching for a sturdy branch to hold and to obtain some kind of a clue about what she was thinking. He came back empty-handed, and Hanji snapped out of it soon after, smiling at him brightly and warm. Her hair was all over her face, her glasses were askew, and he brought a hand up to fix them.

Then he flicked her forehead instead.

“Ouch!” She exclaimed, touching the slightly damaged skin.

“That was for almost giving me a heart attack,” Levi said nonchalantly and walked past her to grab his schoolbag. Then he sat down, bag between his legs as he searched for the snacks he bought after school.

“Geez, I’m sorry,” Hanji muttered as she placed herself next to him. “But you were just being dramatic. I wasn’t going to jump anyway.”

*

So, here was the thing, he needed to tell Hanji.

But he didn’t know how. Through all those years they had been friends, there had never been a secret among them. He knew everything about her. From the fact that she had fed a frog in her room when she was only seven without telling neither of her parents and how she accidentally killed the poor animal by forgetting to feed it properly. And to the very first crush, she secretly had on a boy who didn’t even know who she was when she was ten. Each and every detail in between had been craved in his head, everything about her was a book he had learnt by heart, and he knew that for her it was the same.

He didn’t understand why he was so unwilling now about telling her about Petra. Frankly, he was going to tell her yesterday but when he saw her standing on the edge of the goddamn roof, he had forgotten all about it in a second. Thursday, which was today, he couldn’t have found a chance to talk to her alone and tomorrow was Friday. And he had no idea what the hell he was supposed to do.

Levi traced the shadows on the ceiling with his eyes, lying on his bed. It was near eleven pm but he didn’t have any sleep. Should he call Hanji? But no. It wasn’t something he could tell on the phone. It would be absurd and out of nowhere—

His phone started to vibrate on the bedside table.

He jumped a little, surprised at hearing a sound other than the voices in his head then stared at the phone for a while until he decided that it was going to ring till he opened it. And so, he did.

“I thought you had fallen asleep,” Hanji spoke before him as he lied back down, eyes fixed on the ceiling.

“I was trying to,” he lied.

“Oh, sorry,” she apologized without sounding a bit sincere. “But this is more important than your sleep so…”

He raised a brow. “What did you learn again?”

“A lot of things. But that is not the reason why I called.” Levi heard some clatter he guessed it was the pressing of the computer keys. “I found a new song.”

He exhaled, wearily. “Seriously?”

“Wait before you judge,” she said. “Do you remember the time when you said, this is going to sound weird but, I was a rainbow?”

“No.”

“I hate you,” she said, darkly. “It was our first time in the attic. I had told you about –”

“I know, Hanji.” He rolled his eyes. “Of course, I remember.”

She grunted and said some things he couldn’t quite pick clearly under her breath. “You don’t really deserve this but since I’m a nice person I’ll let you listen to it.”

He snorted, lips curling on the corners, and he waited for the song to start. And not long after, he heard the first notes, then a soft voice of a woman followed. He also heard Hanji accompanying quietly behind, murmuring the lyrics alongside. Then he closed his eyes to focus on the song properly.

Dearest, I'm broken

My body is unspoken

How could I be loved?

Wake up in the morning

Feeling uncertain

Like a burning old scar

For I remember

The joy I’ve had as a child

Various colours I’m hiding inside

She’s a rainbow

And I am

A difficult man

It was as if the song, the lyrics, the notes, the singer’s voice were each had little hooks, they captured his soul relentlessly. He felt captive, unable to move. The song made him feel way too many things, with an intensity that nearly choke him as he lied there. His throat felt tight, even after the song ended, notes faded, and all he could hear was Hanji’s regular breaths a complete opposite of how his heart pounded at the moment.

“So?” She asked when he was unable to speak. “What do you think?”

Levi cleared his throat, he needed to talk dammit. “It was nice.”

“Just nice?” She didn’t sound pleased at his response. “But you have to listen to it every day Levi so that you wouldn’t forget me.”

“Forget you?” Was she kidding?

“We don’t know where life would take us,” Hanji told him, her voice calm now. “It’s the reality of the world. I’m just guarantying myself.”

Oh, so she didn’t know? That no matter where life carried him, no matter how high and wild the waves would be it would change nothing. The sun would rise from the west, and all the world would crumble, melt and disappear. But he wouldn’t forget her.

“What if you forget me?” Levi redirected the question to her, wondering her answer.

“I wouldn’t,” she said, not hesitating.

“How do you know?”

“If I’m a rainbow then that would make you the sky, remember?” Some distinct shuffling came to his ears, and he imagined her lying on her side, the phone still on speaker resting on top of her pillow. “Whenever I look up at the sky, I will think about you.”

“Sappy,” he whispered, ignoring the aftershock her words caused.

She chuckled in response and yawned loudly. “Only for you, clean-freak.”

*

Friday after the last class ended Hanji gathered up her things quickly. It had been an incredibly long and tiring week. She couldn’t wait to spend some time with Levi on the roof, just talking about things that didn’t matter, things that were easy to speak of because they were still young and had years ahead to take them seriously.

She waited for Levi outside, leaning against the school building as he went to the bathroom. She busied herself with observing the exhausted students leaving the school borders, chattering between themselves. It was getting chilly and the black denim jacket she was wearing didn’t do a good job at protecting her. She pulled the sleeves of her sweater to her palms to at least cover her hands. She spotted Petra a few inches away from where she was standing. She was walking back and forth, fiddling with a piece of paper she held in her hands. Hanji found it a little strange but shrugged, deciding it wasn’t her business.

Finally, among the rain of students that walked through the school gate, Levi appeared. His face and some parts of his hair damp, indicating that he had just washed his face.

“Feeling refreshed enough?” Hanji asked, smirking.

“Yeah,” Levi murmured, and he looked around briefly.

“Come on,” Hanji pushed herself up from the wall. “Let’s go. We better grab something to eat on the way. I’m starving.”

She had taken only a few steps when she heard Levi calling out to her quietly. “Hanji.”

“Mm?”

He appeared to be uneasy as he looked at her, brows knitted, and lips pressed. Curiosity rose within her swiftly as she expected the words he was about to say.

“I can’t come to the roof with you today.”

Of all the things she thought about that was the least, she had expected to hear. Her stomach started to burn again, and she imagined a cauldron inside. Burning so fiercely and it never promised anything good. “Why?” Hanji asked, sounding just as surprised as she possibly looked.

Levi’s eyes moved to somewhere above her shoulder. She wanted to trace his stare but was too busy observing his expression, a little anxious, tense and what? Embarrassed? But why?

“Levi?”

“I… am going to the cinema,” he blurted eventually, his eyes finding her again. “With Petra.”

Cinema… with Petra?

“As a date?” She sounded bewildered again as if she couldn’t believe her ears. It wasn’t something to be that surprised about considering their age, hormones and everything. But it was Levi. Levi… It had always been the two of them, now imagining him spending time alone with someone else—she hadn’t prepared herself for that.

“I guess,” Levi rubbed his neck. Oh, he was shy about it too? Was he excited, was he looking forward to it? Was he going to hold her hand as he held hers? Did he even  like  her? When had this thing happened anyway?

“Why didn’t you tell me sooner?”

He seemed guilty, and he should be too. They were best friends for a reason. If she wasn’t going to be the first one to know about his first  date, what was the point to it?

“It happened just this Wednesday. I couldn’t find a proper time—”

“This Wednesday?” She tried not to reflect her disappointment in her voice. “It was two days ago, mind you. You had plenty of time.”

“Hanji—”

“Did you ask her out?” Hanji went on, not giving him any chance to speak. “How long have you liked her?”

“It’s not—” He frowned, his jaw tightened, and a blaze came to life in his eyes. “She asked me.”

“Oh? How brave!” She felt like laughing and somewhere deep inside she knew that she was exaggerating, that she should be happy for him instead. Yet the disappointment was much heavier, and it stood out so blatantly, so arrogantly that it didn’t give her any time to think reasonably.  

“Hanji, don’t.” He stepped forward but she withdrew in an instant.

“Have a nice date,” she said, and she failed at hiding the sarcasm behind. And she thought she saw a flickering of hurt in his eyes but didn’t stay long enough to acknowledge it. With a final look she gave to a confused Petra, she walked out of school. And the cauldron bubbled, bubbled and it burned, and it hurt. Then Hanji wished it would turn the wildflower to ashes to its roots so that it wouldn’t spring again. Wishful thinking it was because the wildflower was already the reason why the flames come alive in the first place.

*

Hanji didn’t quite remember when or how but she was sitting on the swing on the park near Levi’s house, the park they had buried the dead bird all those years ago. Strange how the years passed. She felt old for some reason despite the fact that she was only sixteen and life hadn’t even started for her yet. But she yearned for that little girl now, playing snowball fight with a boy who drank a little too much tea and swore a little too much for their age. Then she cursed at herself for being so frail, for letting her emotions draw the road she would walk.

The streetlamp near the park had a weak light. It trembled from time to time, squeaking as if it was at death’s door. She pondered it was a good metaphor as to how she felt now. Exaggerating? Maybe. But Levi had become such a constant in her life, it felt like the time Jack had crashed her glasses. She remembered how blurry everything seemed and how dizzy she had felt.

“Hanji?”

She blinked and following the voice she lifted her eyes up from the ground. It was Erwin, standing in front of her, with a curious expression painted on his face. What was he doing here?

“Are you okay?”

“Huh?” Hanji shook her head, realizing that she had been blinking at Erwin absently. Then nodded, voicing a half-hearted chuckle. “Yeah, I’m fine. What are you doing here?”

He sat down on the swing next to her, dropping his school bag on the ground. It was a funny sight. A boy of Erwin’s age and height sitting on a child swing. His legs were much too long for that, but he used them to move back and forth slowly.

“I was just passing by,” he said, shrugging. “What are you doing here alone? Where’s Levi?”

She didn’t need to be reminded of the fact that whenever someone saw one of them alone, they immediately wondered where the other was.  I am acting like a child.  Then she started to move back and forth herself, holding the chains on either side. “He is on a date,” she informed Erwin. “With Petra.”

Then the movements of her legs fastened to the point where she had to curl them so that they wouldn’t slow her down. She used her body against the wind, it ruffled her hair, and her hair blocked her vision. And she thought about Levi who was with Petra and Petra who was kind and pretty. Petra who had shiny hair which was always combed and tidy. Petra who was funny and nice and—

“Hanji!”

Ah, her vision was blurry. Had she dropped her glasses again?

“Hey, slow down!”

She couldn’t slow down but someone, Erwin, she remembered, made her. He was holding the sides of the swing, kneeling down in front of her, he looked into her eyes. Hanji noticed his eyes were a different kind of blue not so fierce like the winter ocean, but kind and worried at the moment. Yellow, thick eyebrows knitted, “Are you okay?” Erwin asked.

It was the second time he had asked the same question and it confused her a bit. Did she look that bad? “Yeah,” she confirmed. Her voice came out cracked.

Then Erwin reached out with his hand. Hanji waited silently as he wiped her cheek with his thumb and under her chin with his knuckles. His hand shone under the shrieking light of the streetlamp when he withdrew it, with tears, she realized with a startle. She lifted her hand then, her eyes wide and touched her damp cheek.

“I can walk you home if you’d like,” Erwin offered with a voice so gentle Hanji thought she hated it. Hated because she didn’t want pity when she was the one that had brought this upon herself.

She blinked at her wet fingers, her sight getting blurry again and used her other hand to adjust her glasses.  She could walk herself home, and she opened her mouth to say that much to Erwin. But words betrayed her half-way and what came out was, “I’d appreciate that,” instead, as she accepted, silently. “Thank you.”

[yolkyeomie]

Trade Off of Gifts | Bang Chan

summary — no one knows the world of an artists as well as you do, at least that’s what you thought until he decided to show up one day

word count — 1.7k words

pairing — chan x gender neutral!reader

genre — fluff, artist!reader with a tiny hint of musician!chan (even tho he’s already a musician???)

disclaimer — just something tiny for all your fast and short topher needs !!

Being someone who is artistically gifted has its perks, leaving you to be more creatively thoughtful than most of the people around you.

The world and its people was one big incomplete painting to you, splashes of colors being splattered into its surface as you began to maneuver through it. You were the artist who determined what colors were allowed to stay and what colors no longer fit the narrative you were trying to create. It was a tiresome and even lonely job when you had to pick up a brush and bring a new color into your final masterpiece, but it was a rather exciting process nonetheless.

Different colors meant different things and different shades indicated different tones. Sometimes they’d change meanings and sometimes they’d stay the same, it always depended on how you felt that day. You could never explain exactly what everything meant to you, thinking of it as some innate feelings you were born with.

You never bothered trying to help outsiders comprehend what you meant either, as it was easier to keep it to yourself instead of giving your thoughts and feelings for the world to see.

But then somehow, you were stumbled upon by someone who shared the same views as you. Someone who saw the world in a rather similar artistic and dreamy light as you did, and they weren’t even an artist who puts pen to paper.

“That’s a nice drawing,” the stranger told you, hovering over your shoulder like a hawk to its prey. You scrambled to your feet almost immediately, pressing your art to your chest in a defensive manner. You didn’t like it when people hovered over you while you were drawing, entranced in this magical world of fantasy and possibility when you doodled on whatever surface you.

Usually, people would interrupt you when you weren’t finished, commenting on how odd everything seemed and how empty your art looked.

But then it clicked in your head, the stranger didn’t make any sort of ignorant comment on it. He simply said it was nice.

“Thank you,” you managed to say, your eyes darting down to the sketch you had created.

It wasn’t anything special, a half-done headshot of one of your friends from memory. It didn’t really look like any of your friends at the time either, there wasn’t enough detail on the features for it to be recognizable of who it was. “I mean, it’s not really done or anything so it’s not the best I’ve ever created but—“

“Really?” He questioned, his eyes widening to show off the little twinkling stars in his eyes and his mouth gaping open at your response. You couldn’t help but chuckle at his expression, nodding your head as an answer. “You’re a really good artist, you know that? Not many of my friends can even pick up a pencil if we really wanted to, but I guess that’s not really a compliment. Is portraits the only thing you draw?”

You lifted an eyebrow as he spoke, cautiously eying him and the choice of his words. He definitely wasn’t new to the whole artist thing, there was no way he was that knowledgeable on what artists liked to hear and what they didn’t like to hear and wasn’t an artist himself.

He even called you an artist instead of a “drawer”! If that wasn’t a dead giveaway of the fact that you were in the presence of an artistically gifted person then you don’t know what was.

“Not always,” you answered him, shrugging your shoulders as you tried to come up with a decent answer. “It really depends on my mood, but I like drawing portraits of people more than anything. It gives me an excuse to look at others without seeming… creepy? You know?”

“Oh…,” he nodded, a smile donning his face as he looked up at you. “So you’re a people watcher?”

“Not exactly,” you corrected him, “I just enjoy looking at people’s faces. You know, to catch every little detail that makes them unique to themselves. Everyone’s got something about them that’s different from everyone else and drawing lets me capture their uniqueness in a form that can be treasured forever.”

“That just sounds like an over-exaggeration of people watching,” the boy insisted, a laugh escaping his lips when he caught your frustrated glare digging daggers into his skull. “I’m kidding I promise! I completely understand what you mean. So who were you drawing just now then?”

Your expression immediately falls into a grimace, hesitantly peering towards your unfinished work to your friend. “Ah… this?” You ask him, trying to stall time from explaining your latest creation to him.

Through when you looked up to the boy he only nodded at your question and gave you the brightest smile he could. “It’s… it’s a drawing of a friend. He didn’t ask me to make this or anything, but I was just using him to practice faces.”

“You’re only practicing?” the boy gasped, scooting closer to you to steal another peek of your sketch from before. “That’s crazy, I would have thought you were working on an actual project and trying to get to the final piece!”

“You flatter me too much,” you joked, giving your sketch a half-smile. You appreciated the compliments he was showering you with, but there was no way you were actually living up to those expectations in your head. Being artistically gifted had its perks yet also had its more major downfalls: creating unattainable standards for yourself that you constantly set yourself up for failure was one of them. “I still have a long way to go before I can get anywhere near where I want to be.”

“I think where you are now is a great place, you should help yourself to the compliments when you get them. You deserve them,” he commented, a wide grin stretching across his face. Watching his lips turn into a smile made you so do the same, the atmosphere around him too addicting to go to waste. “Plus, I can tell you like it when people praise you.”

“Shut up, you ruined the moment,” you hissed, jumping to your feet to shove him out of your range of sight. The boy giggled at your reaction as he forced himself to stay put, not moving a singular inch no matter how hard you pushed him. “Leave! I don’t want you around me anymore, you ruined the moment!”

The boy thought about your words for a moment, as if he was trying to determine whether or not he wanted to leave you alone. “How about this,” he offered, spinning on his heel to face you. It caught you off guard for a moment, stumbling back on your feet as he shined that same smile from earlier on to you. “I’ll leave you alone now, but you have to let me come back and talk to you about your art more.”

You snorted, “I don’t even know you, why would I do that?”

He nodded in understanding, considering your comment before holding his hand out for you to shake. “Okay then, hi! I’m Bang Chan and I want you to let me come back another day and talk to you about your art. Does this make up for the lack of acquaintanceship?”

“Hi, I’m Y/N,” you humor him, shaking his hand before sliding out a slightly impolite question from your lips, “Is Bang Chan asking to hang around me because he wants me to give him a free drawing? If so I’m sorry but I’m not confident enough in my skills to even make you anything if I wanted to. There’s a reason I’m practicing here you know.”

“That’s not what I meant,” he clarified, slumping back onto the ground and laying back with a content smile. “I don’t want free art, I just want to hear you talk about your art. Maybe people watch with you from time to time.”

“I’m not a people watcher.”

“Sorry,” Chan nodded, “maybe not-people-watch with you then.”

You went silent for a moment, looking down at the sketch in your hands and glancing back towards the boy. “So that’s all? You just want to… hang out with me while I draw? No strings attached? You’re not going to ask me to draw you for free in the future or make fun of my unfinished work at all?”

He nodded in response and pointed a finger at your head. “The mind of an artist is a very interesting place to explore because not every artist has the same thought process when it comes to their creations. I want to see how we differ from each other.”

“So you’re an artist as well?” You question, your eyes widening as you slowly began to realize what he had said.

“Wouldn’t exactly say an artist,” Chan laughed, downplaying his statement as much as possible. “More of a… musician? I guess? I make songs, but that’s nothing compared to being someone who puts a pencil to paper.”

So your hunch was correct, Chan was artistically gifted! Of course, it wasn’t exactly in the way you had thought before but the mere fact that he was like you made much more sense now. “A musician is still an artist,” you tell him, “just because you’re not creating art in that sense doesn’t mean you aren’t an artist. Art comes in many different forms you know, you can’t limit it to one medium.”

“Well my form of art isn’t very… how do I say this, it isn’t—“

“—You’re embarrassed.” You finished. As expected the boy came up with as many excuses as possible, trying to drill the false act into your head but utterly failing. All you could do was laugh as you spoke, “don’t worry! It’s normal to be closed off about the things you create, I’m embarrassed to show off my art to people all of the time.”

Chan nodded, nervously fidgeting with his hair as he tried to play off his flustered actions. “I guess that’s one thing we have in common right?”

“Make that two things,” you corrected him. He turned to you with a confused glint in his eyes as you held up two fingers and grinned at him as you explained, “we’re both artists and we’re embarrassed to show people our creations. Oh the woes of being artistically gifted, am I right?”

He nodded in agreement, a cheeky smile appearing on his face once again as he repeated, “oh the woes of being artistically gifted.”

[gluestickcherrybum]

Ahoy there! I'm back with another study post °˖✧◝(⁰▿⁰)◜✧˖°

 So if you aren't aware already, me as well as various other study bloggers are notorious for writing aesthetically pleasing handwritten notes. Notes aren’t absolutely necessary if you prefer to do without.  A lot of my friends and acquaintances don’t bother with them and prefer to rely entirely on the lecture materials provided. I find that it helps me indefinitely in my studies and as a brief creative outlet which I rarely give myself the time for.

Why take Notes? 

Instead of printing the lecture materials given digitally, I've taken it to re-write the lecture notes a few days prior to the lecture. Some lecturers insist their students read the material to get a grasp of the topic before the lecture and this is taking it a few steps further.  They say writing something down is equivalent to reading it 7 times, meaning getting into memory this way is so much more efficient which is one of the biggest reasons I insisted myself handwrite my notes. Also writing your own notes is totally customisable to your needs, do you prefer mind maps or lists? Infographics or paragraphs? Minimalistic or colourful? It's all up to you.

Why I personally take notes

Different plants have different needs. Some need to be watered daily, some twice a day and some every other day. Some thrive in nutrient-rich soil and some prefer to sit in dry sand. Just like plants, each individual student has different needs and circumstances to thrive. For me, since I have a relatively low attention span and am a relatively slow learner, I needed the head start of reading topics beforehand to catch on with the rest. To me, with proper preparation for lectures, attending the lecture is like filling in the missing puzzle pieces. At least it should be. Also, I'm more of a visual learner, so if you're like me, then well structured, colourful and easy to read notes are not only more appealing but really help me in my studies and help me grasp topics a lot faster.

SUPPLIES

Probably the part where everyone is pumped for but I'll to simplify as well as be in-depth as possible.

Basically, you need paper and a pen. Need some colours? get some highlighters or coloured pens. Some people usually go one or the other but you can benefit from using both systematically. 

What I look for in my preferred paper:

Thicker paper (120gsm) because I use markers and pens that bleed through anything less and I like my paper sturdy because I heavily reference my notes and I don't want them to get worn out as quickly (i want to actually try to use thinner paper and be gentler but not sure how much I can commit to it  o(╥﹏╥)o).

Smoother paper is good if you use felt tips so they don't get damaged that quickly.

Line spacing. Its a waste of space and paper if you have small handwriting but largely spaced outlines. Not easy to find though.

Line colour. I prefer lighter lines such as light grey if possible, it just looks tidier that my writing contrasts more than with jet black lines.

Recycled or sustainably made paper. Because environment. Trees happy. Duh.

At the moment I'm a fan of loose-leaf paper because I'm not a fan of wasting notebook paper at the back (plus its even harder to get the paper features I want in notebooks unless I'm lucky) but if I were to succumb to using notebooks, I would definitely prefer thread-bound or hand-sewn over spring bound just because I think metal springs are annoying and if they're plastic, they aren't recyclable. You know me.

In conclusion, it's hard to find test pad with all of these features, you can consider printing your own notepaper if you're as picky as I am but you do you. If you can only afford flimsy see-through paper, that's alright. But make sure your supplies are appropriate for them as most of the supplies I use will bleed even on regular paper

Pens

Don't bother going all out and using fine liners or drawing pens to write notes. Get practical. Pick your poison. Smooth gel pens or dry ballpoint? Ergonomic or Budget-friendly? Disposable or refillable? My only guideline is to make sure they have waterproof ink because in any case, you need to send in an assignment last minute and have to rush through the rain without a folder you definitely want your writing to be at least legible if anything. (yes I learned this the hard way, yes illegible work will cost you a lot of marks. don't make my mistake ｡：ﾟ(｡ﾉω＼｡)ﾟ･｡

 Also. Black or Blue? Studies show that writing in blue improves memory collection but black is the more neutral aesthetic. What do I do? I use black as my main colour and write keywords and important facts in blue to take advantage of its memory-enhancing properties.

My current preference: Zebra Sarasa Clip (because its made of 75% recycled plastic and is a good quality pen) with Pentel Energel refill (gel ink that dries quickly. that's all I need)

Budget-Friendly: There are good quality pen sets at the ECO shop (Malaysian dollar store) or buy disposable pens in bulk at any book store. Trust me, it saves a lot more than buying a brand new 80 cent pen every now and again. (Also including the cost of transportation to the store because when you live independently, every cent matters) It's not exactly environmentally friendly but hey, anything to cut the cost right?

Zero Waste option: Fountain Pen with a converter (not the cartridges) and glass bottles of ink refill. Yes, it sounds daunting but its zero waste if that's your cup of tea. You don't have to go all out and buy an expensive luxury fountain pen made of stainless steel, or go fancy and get a flexible nib. If you ask me, I have my eyes set on the pilot kakuno fountain pen, its simple, aesthetic and highly recommended for beginners (although not plastic-free its made out of 85% recycled plastic which is cool since I'm hoping to make a one time purchase, I won't mind it being made from plastic but that just my taste)

Coloured Pens

So I haven't been a fan of using coloured pens for a while but ill tell you I'm currently using a cheap set of coloured gel pens from Kaison just because they have cute patterns but the ink flow isn't that smooth so I should've bought something more practical. The ultimate budget-friendly option which is not only cheap but long-lasting and good quality, and ones that I’d recommend for anyone is the Papermate Kilometrico ballpoint coloured pens. So far I only know they come in five colours but they've been my favourite for years. Most people I know that disagree with me usually don't like the colour range or arent a fan of dry ink but if you aren't that picky and looking for a reliable option they're a good option, plus if you're using cheap paper, they won't bleed or anything so that's cool.

Highlighters

I love pastel highlighters. Its soft, cute, aesthetically pleasing to the eyes and some colours are better at actually highlighting words rather than their neon counterparts like green and purple. Although not the cheapest option, I doubt ill ever go back to neon highlighters ever and ill only be recommending pastel highlighters thanks.

My current preference: I'm currently using Monami Pastel Highlighters just because they were on sale with comparable prices to unbranded cheap pastel highlighters. I will never recommend commonly branded highlighters like Stabilo Boss or Zebra Mildliners because the extra pennies just aren't worth it since the unbranded kind has lived up to my standards. (also I haven't tried those branded highlighters mind you but I doubt I'm missing out on anything)

Budget-Friendly option: While Zebra Mildliners are being sold at RM5 for one and RM25 for a set, Mr DIY sells knockoff brand "BEIFA" for RM7 for a set of six which is a pretty good deal if you ask me (also there are double-sided ones with a bullet and chisel tips if you thought mildliners were the only option with those features). I've also found some rare gems, unbranded pastel highlighters hidden in common bookstores for an even cheaper price, but they're really hard to find unless the pastel highlighter trend decides to catch on. I digress.

Zero Waste option: I heard about highlighter pencils, just wooden pencils with neon colour pigments, but why get trendy when you can use any old wooden colouring pencils lying around? I don't think ill give up plastic highlighters for wooden pencils despite being a strong environmentalism advocate but there are a few options for highlighters made from recycled plastic but they either don't come in pastel colours or too pricey for my taste (yes I'm a cheapskate for crud sake)

Extras

These other things aren't exactly necessary but they add little flourishes and/or aid you in your note-taking. Not exactly an extra investment but its completely up to you

Sticky notes (or coloured memo pads) for extra notes, diagrams or equations which I like for them to stand out a bit. (Pastel over neon of course)

Washi tape to divide subchapters (but a highlighter streak does the job)

Correction tape because never will I ever use correction fluid mind you

Brush pens for headers (completely unnecessary but I don't have any other outlet to practice brush lettering so.) Recommendations: Artline Stix (chunky but super cheap, marker type not for thin paper), Pentel Fude Touch (great for beginners, small and practical, 83% recycled plastic, but will bleed on regular paper)

Alternatively, a regular black felt tip marker just to make the title stand out is good enough.

NOTE TAKING TECHNIQUES

An underrated note-taking method is the Cornell method which is frankly a systematic way to write notes in which you divide the paper into 4 sections, a place for title and date and stuff, the main body for notes, extended side margin for extra info/lecture comments/questions/subtitles and bottom quarter reserved for a summary of the notes. Some people modify this technique by omitting the summary section, depending on your needs.

Bullet points and indents. This is pretty self-explanatory, but it's pretty much notes that aren't chunky paragraphs. Easier to read, easier to register information, easier to skim through. You get the gist of it.

Highlighting system. Some people go all out with their highlighting system and designate colours to certain things such as green for vocab, orange for equations, blue for subtopics. etc. You can try this out if you want, but for me, the plethora of colour is quite distracting and not that aesthetically pleasing, but you do you.

BREAKING DOWN MY METHOD OF NOTE TAKING

My priorities to note-taking are: Easy to read, simple, decluttered and visually pleasing. For colours, I mainly use up to 4. Black pen for the main information, blue pen for keywords (or any coloured pen that matches the highlighter), one or two highlighters as a colour theme and matching sticky notes for extra info, diagrams or equations.

I assign a whole chapter to a specific colour theme, first assigning a certain highlighter colour to the first six chapters, if there are more than six chapters, I use 2 accent colours just to shake it up a bit. This makes it easier to differentiate the chapters when flipping through your notes.

So its, hand-lettered title (i do my lettering quite quickly, mind you) or all caps title in black marker. Mini banner doodle for subtitles (a simple box with a drop shadow works just fine), contrasting coloured keywords (or underlined) and highlighters just for accents like dividing subtitles or drawing boxes for extra info (that or sticky notes). I don't simplify my lecture notes, rather rewriting them in a more orderly manner and leaving a good amount of extra space here and there (or an extended margin if I use Cornell) for extra lecture notes. Also, I highlight whatever notes that my lecturer would point out as important or worth remembering. And that's pretty much it. After the lecture, I then know which parts of the notes were more vital and can then simplify those key points into flashcards which ill discuss in a different post.

Thanks for reading, I know my posts are pretty long but that's the way I like them, long but in depth. As usual, if you would like me to cover any specific topics, feel free to message me or give feedback. I hope to be able to write 2 or 3 articles a month if I can but until then, have a nice day. Study smart peeps. 

ヾ(@°▽°@)ノ 

[xxsanshinexx]

Sk8er Boi

Happy Birthday Yeosang~

Characters: Yeosang x reader

Genre: Fluff

Words: 5721

Summary: Kang Yeosang always came in with some sort of injury. Hand, knee, cheek. You always had to patch him up. But now, you were a little concerned as to how all of this was happening. ~

He came in everyday, as soon as the bell rang, with a new scrap somewhere on his body. On monday, it was his cheek. On tuesday, it was his elbow. Today you could only imagine what kind of odd wound he would come in with. You always pondered over why he had such peculiar injuries; they didn’t tend to add up with any reason you had came up with. Fighting? Seemed like he would have more than such small wounds. Extremely clumsy? Doesn’t seem like he was one to fall down the stairs and only scrap his kneecap.

The whole persona of Kang Yeosang was rather peculiar.

You reorganized your notebooks and papers as flocks of students came in and out of classrooms. The occasional couple hugged each other farewell, the friends screamed at each other from down the hall, and the late sleepers ran in through the door with massive bedhead. It was always fun to watch your classmates scramble in as you sat there; having already been seated and ready minutes prior. And then the bell rang, students scrambling to get into their seats and your favorite person was still nowhere to be seen, not even as your teacher walked through the still open door.

“Good morning class,” Mrs. Jeon greeted, adjusting the glasses on her nose once she came to the front of the room, “Please have out your notebooks, pens and a highlighter for today’s lesson-”

The sound of frantic footsteps made your teacher pause, a knowing look befalling her face. In an instant, Yeosang stumbled into the room, breath ragged and face slightly flushed. It was an everyday occurrence for him to halt the morning greeting by barging into class.

That’s why Mrs. Jeon could only sigh as Yeosang gave her an abashed smile, “You’re lucky i’m nice, Mr. Kang. Anyone else and you would have been in detention more times than I can count.”

“Sorry Mrs. Jeon,” His voice was quiet like always, with that added raspiness that never failed to make you listen a little more attentively.

Mrs Jeon just shook her head and gestured to Yeosang’s seat which was right besides yours, “Just get to class on time Yeosang. This really is going to be the last warning.”

Yeosang just nodded his head as he flung himself into his seat, throwing his backpack on top of the desk to rummage through it for supplies. He always had this messy quality to him. His black hair was always a little windblown, his eyes always a bit dazed, and his clothes were always a tad ruffled. Even the snapback on his head was off-kilter.

He had apparently found what was needed for class and pulled it out, along with an apple and smoothie bottle- he always ate in the beginning of morning class. Setting his bag down, as Mrs. Jeon began to get into her morning lecture, he finally noticed your lingering eyes. His dark orbs stared into your questioning ones for a few seconds before quickly advertising them towards his blank notebook like words were suddenly going to appear on the pages.

You chuckled a little at how mismatched his interior and exterior was, “So what is it this time? Your knee again? Cut your finger?”

“I-um…” He glanced up to Mrs. Jeon, who was too immersed in teaching to notice, and then decided to pull back the sleeve of his hoodie. You hadn’t noticed his sweater paws before which managed to cover the entirety of his hands, and you were almost glad. The top of his right knuckles looked like it had been scrapped off, dried blood matting his skin enough so that you winced. His voice was quiet as he picked at the forming scabs on his hands like it was nothing but paint on a wall, “My hand this time.”

“I don’t think a bandaid is going to be able to cover that one,” Your voice was of equal quiet as you ducked you head with a pencil in hand, avoiding the inquiry of your teacher’s eyes.

Yeosang nodded besides you as he began to write the lecture title, rather sloppily, with his injured hand, “A couple bandaids probably would.”

“You’re literally still bleeding.”

“Do you have any band aids or no?” He pouted, hand shaking with effort as he tried to follow the pace of Mrs. Jeon’s speaking.

You shook your head with an exasperated sigh, “After this class ends… I’ll wrap your hand and everything.”

“Thanks Y/n.” His little smile of gratitude, a rare sight, was enough to get your heart racing.

“No problem,” You averted your eyes to your paper, trying to find interest in the ideologies of the Enlightenment instead of staring at him like an idiot, “ just try not to get blood everywhere for now-”

“Miss L/n, Mr. Kang!”

“Sorry Mrs. Jeon!”

The bell signaling the first class of the day being over came as you began to doze off on your notes on Plato. Not even the vibrant colors you added to your papers keep you awake at this early hour. You were nearly out when a gentle hand knocked on your desk.

You groaned in annoyance and turned your head away from the disturbance, “Go away.”

“Y/n my hand is bleeding again.” Yeosang’s exasperated voice sounded from right above your head. You tilted your head upwards and sure enough, there he was; clutching onto his wounded hand with worry clouding his features.

A small sigh sounded from you as you sat up, reaching into your bag for supplies, “I thought I told you not to pick at it.”

“To be fair you told me nothing of the sorts,” He huffed, wiping away some of the blood that was threatening to drip onto the floor.

“I’m sorry I thought it was common knowledge,” You pulled out a box you had deemed “Yeosang’s personal emergency kit” and set it on top of your desk. There was bandaids, tape, gauze and other small medical necessities piled within it; all because Yeosang was too afraid to go see the nurse. You even wondered why you bothered to become Yeosang’s personal doctor; maybe it was his little hopeful smiles, the shyness in his eyes or the fact that you had a big ass crush on the little, quiet nuisance.

“I didn’t think it would bleed this much,” He added as you stood up and gestured for his hand. Begrudgingly, he placed his slightly bloodied palm in your own and you inspected it with worried eyes. He had seriously scrapped it on something, most likely cement, and had managed to rip off a fair amount of skin.

A soft sigh escaped your lips as you took a wipe to his skin, cleaning it with the as much gentleness as you could manage. He hissed a little at the sensation and an amused chuckle escaped your lips as you cleaned up all the red, “You have to stop hurting yourself, Yeosang.”

“It’s not like I try to,” His breath brushed against your forehead as you worked and you were thankful your head was down. “It just happens.”

“Mutilating your hand doesn’t just “happen”.” You huffed, setting down the bloodied wipe and picking up a piece of gauze.

“It can.”

“Are you seriously going to play this game,” You laughed a little as he looked away from you, a small pout on his face as you began to lay the material against his injury. “You just need to be a little more careful.”

“I’m careful,” He whispered, though it was laced with his own uncertainty. You could only shake your head at him as you finished up your makeshift bandage, wrapping his hand tightly with tape. It was quiet after that; you finishing off his hand and him just watching in complete awe. No one was ever this kind to him, no one willing to just drop their freetime to wrap him up. You had always been so kind to him from day one and he didn’t understand it.

“And that is why you come to school with a new injury everyday,” You rolled your eyes as you ripped the tape and set the rest of the roll back into your bag, “Seriously what would you do if I wasn’t here to patch you up?”

“Probably bleed to death,” His little joke made a smile break out on your face as you smoothed down the ends of the bandage. Your hands were rather small in comparison to his, you couldn’t help but notice this fact as you finished admiring your sloppy medical care.

Yeosang didn’t seem to mind that it wasn’t entirely up to medical standard.

Your smile shifted into a frown as you ran your fingers along the ends of the white wrap, “How do you even get these? I don’t mean to pry or anything… it’s just worrisome.”

His facial expression became one of uncertainty, and you knew you had immediately crossed some invisible line, “Um… well, I just.. Uh-”

“You don’t have to tell me, it okay,” You promised and retracted your hand away from his, saddened by the sudden lack of warmth.

He seemed to have a mental argument, his facial expression shifting every so often to encompass his thoughts. His nose would scrunch up when he looked to the side and his mouth would pull itself into a tight line with he blinked. You had no idea which side one you just knew it was all rather cute.

“Ah… fine-” He reached forward and took your hand in his once again, making pink tint your cheeks at the sudden contact. His eyes now had a new conviction in them, “Can you meet me at that giant tree out front, right after school?”

“Sure,” You said, your brows quirked up in interest at his entire change in demeanor, “You’re not going to kidnap me, are you?”

He got a little flustered at your playful teasing and frowned, “No.. why would you think that? I guess it is kinda odd- we could meet somewhere else if you-”

“The tree is perfect, Yeosang,” You laughed and the worry in his eyes seemed to vanish at the sight of your smile, “Just don’t stand me up, okay?”

“I won’t,” He promised, giving an enthusiastic nod, one of the most expressive actions you had ever seen him do, “It just might take me awhile to get there after class.”

“You’ll have five minutes before I get suspicious.”

“”I can live with that.”

Now you stood, with an excited feeling coursing through your veins, under the large oak tree at the front of school. Many other students lingered underneath its branches, either for shade or just a place to stand until their ride came. None of them were looking around anxiously for a quiet boy, fighting the grin that wanted to appear so badly on their face. Yeosang still had around three minutes until you told him you would take off- not like you really would either. You just had to say something that wouldn’t embarrass yourself or make you seem to eager to finally hang out with him outside of the confines of the classroom.

Your unfathomably large crush on the mess of a boy began the first day of the school year.

“Is.. um is anyone sitting here?” A quiet voice asked as you reorganized the pens on your desk for the fifth time that morning. You had gotten to school the first day much to early for your liking.

You nodded without looking away from the color spectrum you had built, “No, feel free to sit.”

The owner of the voice took the seat without another word and it made you frown a little. Everyone else had begun to chat it up with their new seat mates, the entire room was filled with their idle chatter and screams. Yet this boy didn’t even seem to make a single noise; having retreated to playing with the hem of his shirt sleeve.

You pulled your eyes away from your creation of boredum and glanced over to him, breath suddenly caught in your throat. Your initial thought was that he was absolutely beautiful and you had never seen him before in any of your classes. You had a feeling you would have remember someone with a facial structure like that- and not to mention his dark eyebrows that framed his features nicely.

You snapped your eyes away from his face before he could catch your wandering eyes. Instead, you focused your attention on his hand; where a small amount of blood was running down the side of his finger. How in the world had he already hurt himself? There wasn’t anything dangerous in this school or maybe this pretty boy was just naturally clumsy? Wouldn’t that be adorable.

“You’re um.. You’re hand’s bleeding.” You mustered up the courage to say, eyes trailing the drop that continued t snake its way down his finger.

His head snapped up and he glanced over to you, eyes almost dazed and showing a hint of freight. It made a small frown appear on your face as he averted his gaze, pulling his sleeve up to cover the majority of his hand, blocking the small injury from your sight.  “I know.”

“You know?”

“I just didn’t want to go to the nurse…” He said, eyes glancing over to you in almost sheepishness as his voice quivered for a second, “She uh-she scares..me.”

A small smile broke out on your lips at the boy’s explanation, “You don’t worry about Mrs. Choi, I always have stuff on me.” You reached into your bag, pulling out the small bundle of bandaids your mother had given you as emergency. She knew you weren’t to fond of going to the nurse’s office for small things either. “Here.”

“Oh.. I.. um,” He reached forward which his unhurt hand and took the small bandage into his hand, careful not to touch you in the process. His eyes held gratitude but a panicky smile was teetering on his lips, “I-thanks- I mean uh.. thank you..?”

“Y/n.” You felt your heart thump a bit erratically at the smile, shy but happy, that began to grace his lips. It was a contrast to the nervousness that was originally making them twitch.

“Yeosang,” His little smile grew, so much that it reached his dark eyes making it look like the stars themselves resided in them, “my names Yeosang.”

You knew that was the exact moment Yeosang’s name was imprinted in your heart. How chessy the whole thing was, your whole current situation was, every time you added Yeosang into the equation. The thumping of your heart and the lovesick emotion made you cringe- it all felt much too like a bad teenage fanfiction. You had little reason to think of Yeosang in anyway other than a friend yet your heart decided that it would go rambo whenever you caught sight of his messy hair.

Like now, as you spotted him bolting out of the school with his eyes searching the area around the tree, you heart opened fire on all your emotions. It took all of your will power to fight the blush or the childish grin that so badly wanted to appear in his presence, and became even harder when he caught sight of you- a new, timid smile taking place on his lips.

He bounded over to you, hands wrapped tight around the new object in his hands, a skateboard. You never understood why he was always so nervous, not even as he stopped in front of you- hands tapping a light beat against the board. You let a cheerful smile appear on your face as you stared at him, taking in the snapback on his head that was still crooked, “So you didn’t stand me up?”

“No, I wouldn’t do that to anyone,” He pouted but there was a light in his eyes, “Why do you keep making it seem like I would.”

“I’m joking, chill,” Your laughter bubbled out of you and you could have swore Yeosang’s lips twitched upwards, “I wouldn’t have agreed to this if I thought you were a bad guy… whatever it is that you invited me to do.”

He cocked his head to the side with an unreadable expression, “I told you, I’m gonna give you an answer to how I end up with all those injuries. Now, come on.”

You raised your brows at the new confidence in his voice but nonetheless followed alongside him as he took off, glancing back every so often to make sure you were following. The two of you fell instep with one another as he looked everywhere but you and you looked at the board that was vice gripped in his hands. “I didn’t know you skated.”

He looked back to you from the birds in the sky, finding your eyes already looking into his. To say his heart fluttered was an understatement. He feebly nodded his head as he turned his old board around in his hands, a sense of pride beginning to swell in his heart alongside something else. “Yeah… it’s one of my favorite things to do.”

“So you’re one of those X games boys?”

You got a scoff in answer, though his eyes lit up at the mention of the event, “Is that all you know about skating?”

“That and apparently the fact that you should wear bubble wrap whenever you get on that board.”

The laughter that bubbled from him was something you had never heard before. It was soft and lighthearted with a joyful undertone. A complete contrast to the reserved and quiet scoffs he would give you in class instead. A smile lingered on his lips as he spoke, the mesmerizing noise still lingering in your mind, “I’m not bad at skating. I just try to do too much.”

“Like what?” You tilted your head to the side.

“Like tricks and things. This morning I tried to do a 720 Gazelle flip and-” He flung his hands out in exasperation- one of the most expressive actions you had ever seen him do- and then gestured to his bandaged hand, “I ate it. I don’t even know how I ended up on the ground.”

You were perplexed at his sudden change in nature and the words that had came out of his mouth. “A… 720… Gazelle flip?”

He looked over at you as if you had just asked what air was. The sight made a giddy smirk break out on your features, “It’s one of the hardest moves! It takes even professionals a while to understand it and perfect it! I don’t even think Nyjah Huston could get it in the first couple of tries-” You had stopped listening to his passionate ranting at this point, fixated on the ways his eyes lit up, how his eyebrows moved up and down with his emotions and how his hands moved about when he talked. You had never seen this side of the shy, quiet boy who sat besides you in morning classes and you had never been more captivated by him than in his moment of passion- albeit for something you had no knowledge on. “-and now I’m in this bet with a guy who thinks he can learn it faster than me and I need to beat him- he thinks he’s so much better than me! I can’t let him have the satisfaction of winning a twenty dollar bet-”

He was still on his tirade and you could help but let out a giggle, effectively making him stop talking and blush in embarrassment. He had no idea why he had told you all of that. He barely even told his own mother half of the things he had just spoken freely about. You thought the whole thing was rather adorable, even more so as he raised his board trying to hide his face behind it, “Sorry I didn’t mean to ramble on about all that… I know you probably don’t understand it or probably care all that much-”

“Can you show me this… Gazelle Flip?”

He pulled his skateboard down a little, turning his eyes slightly to meet you amused eyes, “720 gazelle flip.”

A laugh left your lips once again as you rolled your eyes, “Fine, can you show me this 720 Gazelle Flip?”

He swore his heart stopped at your smile and he could only give a feeble nod, “Yeah but I’m not good at it yet- I’ll probably mess up or something! I don’t want you to think I’m-”

You reached out and took his free hand in a spur of courage, trying to effectively stop his rather cute rambling. It worked because as soon as you wrapped your fingers around his bandaged hand, his eyes went wide and the words on his tongue faltered. “I won’t think you’re bad at skating, if that’s what you’re getting at. I just want to see what it is, no judgement if you fall because I could never attempt it.” He gave you a little nod and you could feel his hand relax against yours, wrapping his fingers around your own ever so lightly that pink began to spread across your cheeks. “Now um uh… where are we even going?”

“The skate park.” His voice had reverted back to the timid one that woke you up at the end of class except this time red was plastered against his usually pale features. You weren’t sure how much better you faired, especially not as he moved to intertwine your fingers in his flustered quiet. Neither of you made a move to let go, not as you walked on in silence to the park that was a few more blocks away.

The park wasn’t exactly what you thought it would be. Sure you had seen them on tv before but it didn’t really encompass the whole laid back vibe of the place. There were no scary looking men or anyone hung over; it looked like the place was mainly teenagers or college students just looking for an output or something to do. And while the scenery was a bit gray, it wasn’t dull. You liked the overall feeling of such a place, and maybe it had to do with the fact that there was a special person right besides you.

“There’s not that many people here,” Yeosang mumbled as he began to lead you towards a relatively flat area next to the skateboarding pit.

“Is that a bad thing?” You asked as he he stopped next to a raise piece of cement. You could only assume it was usually used for tricks.

He shook his head no, “Just means less people will see me eat shit.”

His comment made you laugh as you rather regretfully let go of his hand and sat on the cement. From there, you would be able to get a good view of the gazelle whatever Yeosang was so adamant on learning. “I’m sure you won’t eat shit.”

“I’m most definitely going to eat shit, Y/n,” He reaffirmed, setting his board on the ground and taking his cap off, pushing all his hair back, “Don’t be too mad if I use up all of those bandages in your bag.”

“What’s new,” You leaned back on your hands as he hopped on his board, pushing himself around the area softly. “Now let’s see this gazelle flip thing.”

He shook his head and mumbled a soft, “720 gazelle flip,” before he began to pick up some pace. For a few moments, he just rode around getting used to the feel of skating after a long day of school before turning back towards you who was just intently watching. He slowed down a few yards away from you, seeming to take a deep breath and then managed to lift him and his board up in the air; both of them twisting and turning too many times to count until he tried to land back on it. Again, he did try. His foot hit the board but his body hadn’t rotated enough for him to stick the landing and he jumped backwards, stumbling for a minute before ultimately sitting on the ground.

“Even if you failed,” You said as you gave him a soft clap in approval of effort, “it was still impressive.”

“Love the encouragement, Y/n.” And then he was up again. And again. And again. You had lost count how many times he had ultimately failed at getting that trick down. Everytime he was at the point of frustration he would take his cap off, ruffle his hair and place it back on his head backwards. And everytime you would make sure to shout him words of encouragement, which left a small smile on his face that didn’t fade until he did another failed attempt.

“You’ll get on this one, Yeosang,” You cheered, still immersed in watching how he never gave up despite the countless fails. His nodded his head as his lips tightened, forming a thin line in concentration as he set back off to attempt the flip another time. It was amazing he hadn’t given up yet. The determination to win this dumb little bet was evident as his eyebrows furrowed together as he attempted once again to complete the little trick.

And your jaw dropped once he finally landed it, with no wobbling or shakiness to his finish. It was a feeling kin to winning or achieving something grand, even if you weren’t the one who had done it. Upon the initial shock of landing it, Yeosang looked up at you with wide eyes and a mouth wide with surprise, “Holy shit.. I landed it! Y/n I landed it!”

“I knew you would eventually!’ You grinned as he came to a stop right in front of you, a grin now plastered on his features.

“Oh Mingi wishes he didn’t start this bet with me,” His voice was cocky now as well as the smirk on his face as he sat down on his board, the ends of his shoes just touching yours.

You rolled your eyes, though it was more of a way so you didn’t stop and stare at him. His hair was wild underneath his cap, his eyes alight and for once self-assured, and the smile sent your way didn’t do anything but make your face go red. “You still have to perfect it and then show it to this Mingi.”

“Oh let me relish in this moment, Y/n,” He laughed and took his cap off, running his hands through his hair slicked with sweat.

You laughed a little at his words and tapped the ends of his worn out vans with your toes, “Now onto the hardest trick you’ll ever pull off.”

He looked back at you with confusion in his eyes, “That is the hardest trick i’ve ever pulled off-”

“You’ve haven’t taught me how to skate yet.” You smiled as you spoke, and near grinned as Yeosang laughed at your challenge, “If you can pull that off it’ll be a miracle.”

“I don’t think it’s that much of a challenge,” He stood up and wiped his hands on his pants before offering them to you.

“You clearly underestimate how awful I’m going to be at this,” You took his hands in your own and once again that giddy feeling was weaving its way through your body.

He just shook his head and stepped backwards, over his board and onto the otherside, “Skating isn’t that hard, just don’t fall off.”

“Jeez, how much motivational can you get.”

“What? That wasn’t good enough?”

“Nope, just fantastic; really reminded me of when I broke my leg and my mom told me to walk it off.” You huffed as he guided you to stand right in front of the small skateboard. Granted, you were a little terrified. Never once had you tried something as simple as skateboarding, maybe your spur of the moment challenge hadn’t been the best idea.

“I’m sorry I lack the eloquence of a motivational speaker, now just step on the board.” He braced his hands as you stepped up on to the small piece of movable wood, doing your best to balance at the change. To an outsider, you probably looked like a newborn foal; with your wide eyes and stiffness. Yeosang seemed to notice your change in demeanor and gave a small smile, his thumbs rubbing gently on the back of you intertwined hands, “Loosen up a little.”

“That’s easier said than done,” You placed both feet onto the wood, clutching onto Yeosang’s hands for dear life. “You’re like a pro at this.”

“I started where you are at one point,” He shrugged, moving backwards slightly and making the board move causing a breath to hitch in your throat. You were still uncomfortable and entirely off balance; there was no way you could just ride around the park.

“Do not go fast,” You warned but a little smirk flickered at the corner of his lips.

“What? LIke this?” He began to pull you a little faster and you felt like you were going to fall off at any second, though in reality he was in no more than a fast walk.

“Oh my God, Yeosang!” You cried, as he continuously sped up and the only thing you had from keeping you from flying off the board was your intertwined hands. You had no idea Yeosang could be so playful.

He cackled amongst your protests, slowing down a little to appease you and your screaming, “You’re not even going that fast!”

“It’s still terrifying!” You protested as you began to roll to a slower pace, “I’ve never done anything like this before.”

“Well there’s first times for everything,” He stuck his foot out to stop the board, and while the motion stopped your movements rather gracefully, you still flailed at the abrupt stop. Yeosang was quick to catch you by your waist as you teetered at the edge of the board, holding you in place. Your heartbeat quickened at the sudden contact and you straightened up, putting your hands on his outstretched arms; both of you having no intentions to move.

It was the first time you had been this close to Yeosang. Now, you could make out the full shape of the charming birth mark on the side of his eye, the full dull color of it. He had expressed to you once before how he wasn’t that fond of it, but in that moment, your were completely smitten. And maybe it was the way his hair fell in his eyes despite his attempts to keep it in his hat.  And that little mole on the side of his chin or the sparkle in his gaze. Or maybe the way his eyes trailed over your features as well, seemingly lost in thought like he was memorizing every detail, that made you smile in complete content.

“I…. I really want to hang out with you again.” Yeosang said, almost breathlessly as his eyes trailed back to meet yours. “Outside of school and all.”

The words made that feeling of content grow into one of complete cheerfulness, “How about that cafe down the street tomorrow? After class?”

“I’m gonna make you skate there.”

“You’re ruining the moment, Yeosang.” A giggle erupted from you at his teasing and he just smiled, brighter than before.

”That sounds… perfect.” He nodded, looking down at the ground for a second before turning back to meet your eyes, “Just perfect.”

You could feel the both of you lean in slightly. To be honest, you never pictured this; you on a skateboard and Yeosang just staring at you, with a smile on his face. You certainly never pictured him leaning in, just close enough for his ragged breathing to fan over you.

And by God you would have kissed him if it wasn’t for that annoying voice.

”Is this what you’re doing instead of practicing for our bet!?”

”Dammit Mingi why did you have to show up now!” Yeosang turned and yelled at the tall figure that stood at the edge of the skate pit, apparently sharing the same sentiment you did. This Mingi just laughed and hoped off down the ledge, disappearing from sight as a red faced Yeosang turned back to face you. His head didn’t face you as he busied himself with playing with the loose ends of your shit, “I-um… I’m sorry about Mingi and everything that was just going to happen and all that… and yeah.”

“Don’t worry about it,” You gave him a gentle smile but he didn’t look up to see it. “I’ll head home so you can properly go beat this Mingi’s ass without worry. I’ll see you tomorrow? Okay?”

“No.” He said, voice firm as his head snapped up to meet you eyes but he averted them immediately, “I mean uh… just.. Watch me win this bet first and then I’ll walk you home… and we can just um maybe get ice cream or something.”

You chuckled at his shy tone that never failed to make an appearance as you brushed away some of his hair from his eye. It only seemed to make him more red, and you were sure his face had transformed into the color Crayola crayon as you leaned forward and pressed a gentle kiss to his forehead, “That sounds like a great deal.”

Yeosang was thoroughly dumbfounded at the sensation of your lips against his warm skin. Never in a million years could he have envisioned the day you two had together; the conversations, the moments, god even him getting you to laugh- and definitely not the kiss to his forehead. He could have never imagined that. He looked back up to you a look of wonder in his eyes, “Holy shit.”

As much as Yeosang’s reaction made you giggle, head tilted back as the laughter flowed out of you, another voice broke your pure moment. “Yeosang’s got a little lover! Get it-”

“Goddamn it Mingi,shut up!” Yeosang cried in annoyance once again, looking back up at you and as soon as you both met eyes; all you could do was laugh.

[zontiky]

*trips and falls, headcanons spilling out of my pockets* yeah, these are- *tries to gather them up* im just- *they keep spilling* ok im just gonna- *one single headcanon keeps evading my grasp* ok ok i’ll just share the one-

“five and klaus draw together” ah i like this one okay cool, cool let’s go

u remember that piano ben post? yeah well while ben is learning piano five ALSO needs something to occupy himself with, or he keeps forgetting they saved the world and he’s not in the apocalypse anymore

he gets nightmares. all the time. after they go back to 2019 he’s like “alright my work here is done” and then he just crashes

he tries to sleep but all he can see is corpses and ash and more corpses and his siblings shouting at him for leaving even though he didn’t mean to, he tried to get back, and the handler with her touchy hands and everybody he’s killed and it’s so much

so five, being the resident genius, wisely decides to just. not. not to sleep. at all.

he lasts about two days and a half before he collapses walking to the dinner table, and all his siblings are immediately like “five what’s wrong what did you do”

so he explains his perfectly logical solution to nightmares, even though its not like it’s their business, fuck off.

and literally everybody is like five... that’s not.... that’s not healthy you can’t do that

so then klaus is like you know what, fieval, i found me a solution, now you’re gonna be soluting with me.

“klaus that’s not a word”

so klaus tells five that he has nightmares too. and honestly which one of them doesn’t.

but instead of avoiding his nightmares by not sleeping, he draws. he just sketches and paints and splatters and does whatever the hell he wants on any medium

and it helps! it actually helps to put the stuff he’s scared of on paper, or to just draw to get his mind off all the screaming corpses around him.

five decides that he’ll try it. fine. he knows he wouldn’t last more than a week anyway

so klaus takes five to michaels or something (even though michaels is expensive, like damn) and just says “pick a sketchbook and some pencils, also pens and brushes and paints if you want them”

“oh and markers you’re gonna need markers”

but because five knows absolutely nothing about art supplies klaus ends up having to  drag him around the store and list off things and their qualities so five can choose

five tries to get the cheapest things and klaus is like “no five there is no way im buying you paper that thin”

they end up getting a multimedia sketchbook (hardcover because those are the best) and some standard pencils and also mechanical! and pens. klaus sneaks a pack of brush tip markers even though five didn’t want them

(five totally knows klaus grabbed them, but he secretly appreciates klaus doing this for him so if he wants to get them ok. but he’ll definitely try to find a way to pay him back later)

so then five has all these new drawing materials! which is very appealing to him, because of all the neat pencils and paper and it’s just so nice? basically that feeling you get when you go to an office supply store or the back to school section at target 

once they get home it kinda hits five that he has... no clue how to draw.

klaus is like “here i’ll show you!” and just starts sketching?? but that makes no sense to five, like where does he start, which lines are the right ones, how?? what??

so then klaus explains that the whole point of this is to express his emotions. he asks five, “when you wake up from a nightmare, how do you feel?”

five has to think for a bit. “I don’t know,” he answers, and it’s honest. He doesn’t.

“Alright.” Klaus flips to a new page in his own sketchbook. “Then let’s start with this. What’s something you see right now?”

Five looks around Klaus’s room. “The flower pot,” he decides. It’s a new one, with bright flowers in it. Klaus has been sticking flowers left and right throughout the mansion, trying to “make this place less of a depressing hell-hole,” in his words.

“Okay. So now get your pencil, and try to draw it.” He holds up a hand, cutting off Five’s protest. “It doesn’t matter if you’re good or not. Just try to, how do you say this. Put the general shape of the flowers onto your paper. Just lines and shapes, how it makes you feel.”

“That doesn’t make sense,” Five points out.

“Yeah. Yeah, you’re right,” Klaus agrees. “It doesn’t, not really. But try. Just try to draw out the flower pot.”

Five hesitantly reaches for a pencil. He hovers his hand over the blank paper, trying to figure out where to start. He gently lowers the sharp tip of the pencil onto the page.

Light gray lines cross over each other, each one adding a little bit to the flat likeliness of the pot. Soon enough Five has a messy outline of Klaus’s flowers.

“I don’t know.”

“Hey, no, it’s good! I mean, you’re obviously not Van Gogh, but it’s a start. Now how do you feel?” Klaus asks him, looking over his drawing.

“I...” He doesn’t really know. It’s like there’s been a small shift in something he doesn’t quite grasp. “Better, I think.”

Klaus claps his hands together. “That’s good. Now, do you know what you’re going to do, Five? You’re going to sleep with that sketchbook in your room, and if you wake up from a nightmare, you’re going to get up and draw out your feelings. Doesn’t have to make any sense, just get your emotions onto that page. You can add words if you want, too.”

“When,” reflexively corrects Five. “Not if, when. But okay.”

“I’m going to ignore that for now, but just know that you’re concerning. And if you try to skip out on sleep again, I’ll find you and beat you into unconsciousness with a dirty sock filled with pennies.”

“That’s very specific,” remarks Five, standing up and gathering his sketchbook and other stationery. “But sure. I’ll sleep.”

He flashes out of the room, and that’s that.

five has a nightmare that night. it’s not unexpected or anything, but he’s still upset. just as he’s getting out of the post terror funk his eyes catch on the sketchbook sitting on his desk.

he grabs it and starts sketching what he sees from his window, because why not? he may as well humor klaus.

he ends up drawing the moon. it’s the clearest thing he can see

he shows his drawing to luther in the morning. he tells five that it looks great! it’s really cool, how he can draw like that

and slowly five starts to draw more and more. eventually he’s just sitting around the house sketching. he never gets very good, but it’s nice. the scratching of the pencil on paper and the weight of the pen in his hand are comforting

at one point klaus just plops down next to him and starts drawing five. he’s using charcoal, not pens and pencils, and his sketchbook is different. when five moves to go get himself some coffee, klaus just goes “no. don’t move.”

at this point five understands how fucking hard drawing people is so he stays and just watches klaus draw him.

it becomes a sot of Thing they do, just going somewhere new or to the park or something and drawing. either each other or the things around them.

also five really enjoys markers! markers are really great for him, they’re so smooth and the different colors are very nice

five’s nightmares ease up after a while. some of both his and klaus’s pages in their sketchbooks are really dark, filled with things they just can’t stand and things that still scare them even after the danger’s gone

but there are other pages that are sloppy pictures of allison watching a movie, or diego throwing a knife, or vanya and luther trying to bake

eventually five and drawing just become something intertwined. he draws a lot with klaus, he goes to drawing classes sometimes to get himself out of the house

and slowly, things start looking up

(ben sometimes plays piano with klaus and five sitting in the same room sketching. klaus is humming along and five is just enjoying chilling with his bros)

[scyrel]

Huion Display Tablet Review

Now that I have had a chance to experience using it, I can share my honest opinion in order to help other people interested in considering a non-Wacom brand product.

Huion Kamvas GT-221 Pro

First of all, this thing is huge, but that's great for doing sweeping movements or just to have a larger view of your work. I also really like the fact this thing comes with a flexible stand and I don't have to pay an extra $300 dollars for one. Something this big needs a stand in order to be comfortable and not just some pegs to sit on.

This model does NOT require a pen charger.

That's real nice considering a few of these other brands don't use magnatism like Wacom does on their products. This is a new feature that is also available on their smaller model, KAMVAS GT-191 and a smaller non-display tablet. In videos with the previous 220 model though, you will be given 2 pens to keep one charged, but instead I only have one pen for the latest model.

This tablet offers 10 hotkey buttons you can program either for the right or left-hand. That's more options than the 22"Cintiq. However, the GT-191 does not have side buttons.

If you search Huion's previous model tablets, you'll find similar specs, I'm just adding that this model has a battery-free pen.

I also answered my own question about whether this tablet could run TVPaint. It can and so far I haven't had to adjust any particular function of the program, except for standard tablet/computer configuration. I did hear that Toon Boom was a problem with older Huion models, although DRAW WITH JAZZA seemed to feel his model worked just fine and that's from 2016.

This newer tablet runs windows 7 and Mac 10.12 or later. I'm currently running it smoothly on a Windows 10 with a 16GB laptop, i7 processor. Once I setup my desktop computer i'll be moving it there.

Now, here are just some cons to consider.

No pen tilt. I now realize what this means and looks like having an old Wacom. For me, it's too small a problem for a display screen, but I won't be able to utilize all of the effects from Photoshop brushes. Overall, it's workable, but that's a matter of preference.

Sometimes my tools or the tablet don't communicate 100%. Clip studio's hard sketch pencil doesn't respond at all and my moving tool doesn't want to move today, although it moved everyday before. (That might be something else)

Size. This is both pro and con, pretty self-explanitory. You either have the space or you'd like to be able to move it around. Huion only offers a small selection of display tablets, but if size matters, there are other decent brands.

I have no further comments to make, but there are plenty of people who have already made step by step videos and comparable notes on other tablets out there. As for myself, I really enjoy this tablet and don't feel like I'll have to slit my wrists after paying for it. I still have a year warranty just in case.

Before I close, let me mention shipping and customer service. I bought directly from their website based in China, so I did wait about a week or so before I received it. (Amazon had not received this model yet)

They kept me updated through email and text very well, even though DHL was slow at tracking. I was contacted fairly quickly when there was a slight confusion about my address and they delivered slightly earlier than the original estimate. I feel like they took care of my customer satisfaction and this product. There was only minimal container damage from customs, (they always do this) but the actual product was untouched and still factory sealed.

That is all and I hope you found this helpful!

[ryanswaves-blog]

My Front Room Table

I’m writing this blog mainly for myself. I think it will be a lot of help to me. Its a lot harder to lie to yourself while writing. My life has also never been more interesting, so I hope it proves entertaining for those who do read this,

Ryan B.

My current Home.

I’ve always had a habit of Judgement. And Rambling.

Unfortunately it used to be a Judgement that would end up with me feeling superior about some imagined slight in their viewpoint, their laugh, a picture on the wall, their taste in music, and I’d have this terrible way of assigning someone a value because of these observations. At the time, it was the best tool I had to not internalize all this anger and let it destroy me.  Now i’m older and (hopefully) wiser, Judgement for me comes in the form of constant hypothesis’, and by making these observations, I have learned to socialise. I’m no good at reading body language, hearing the tone of friendship, or the cue of flirtations.  I don’t believe this will ever come naturally to me, and I will have to put serious effort into refining the tools I have developed throughout my life if I am ever going to have fluent communication with the Human race.

I don’t bother with small talk. It is not something I am good at. It feels too much like a farce that allows people the comfort of not getting a wrong answer or engaging in low key confrontation before you feel like it won’t damage the fledgling relationship you are building. There are many social tools like small talk. Many are unique to culture. I have mastered none. So I skip straight to the Front Room. Isn’t that how we’re supposed to be at the heart of it? Strangers come to your village of reeds and furs with shells on well crafted twine, sit down at your fire and regale you with their stories of the Ocean, the water that never ends, or with scorpion stingers from the Sands that swallow all and you laugh, dance, eat, drink (probably) and fall merrily asleep under the stars with traded trinkets and new friends. 

So very early on in my interactions with my new Human acquaintance, I will invite them back to my dwelling. In the past, this has been seen as blundering and clumsy by those used to the nuances of the western world, other times flirtatious, (and has ended with mixed results), but my fondest friendships have been forged in the conversation over the Front Room Table. The Front Room Table for most is where the Tea sits on the coaster usually paired by reading material (Bills, TV guide, or the dreaded Facebook scroll) and biscuits.

For me the Front Room Table is a focal point in my life. At the moment, it is attached to the Mast of the Lady Jane, and is the certified physical centre of my universe. It can also be lowered and matted for another berth. We all have our rituals of metaphysical alignment as we assign meaning or purpose to the order of our lives. The pattern of your comings and goings laden your 4 walls heavy with Emotion and if one looks hard enough it becomes very possible to find ways to communicate and connect with someone through observation, hypothesis and interaction of their world.

Move as they move, and if there is alignment, there is relationship. It can be a game of snap with 20 potential pairs a second and the chance that some cards in the deck will catch fire if they meet, or stain the table with the lifeblood of what could have been the journey of a lifetime.

This I find is Much more straight forward and rewarding than slowly picking each other apart with words as you dedicate a good portion of the interaction to appearing to do ‘The right thing’. 

This is a picture of me, trying to get away from small talk.

You can learn an awful amount from someones Front Room Table. There are tell tale signs of a persons routine, their habits and peeves can be hypothesized by the depths their coffee cups have stained into the varnish, the chips and bumps where it was kept in storage or moved with small accident, the crumbs of their last breakfast that defied the hasty palm brushing,small details which often lead to a bigger picture. Material can be a good indicator, but like with Humans, the material is usually circumstantial. I have had glass, Pine, Mahogany, and more than often whatever flat round stump comes along my way. The articles upon the Front Room Table can be a direct insight, or simply provide clues. Flowers and studying notes, A gerbil in his cage, a Combat knife and a bottle of Whiskey. How close to the settee is it, are the follicles of the carpet brushed aside by a pillow as she sits cross legged to write? Is that fleck of red paint on the leg a sign that there is an artist waiting to be born but without the esteem of himself will never come to be? Perhaps someone sneezed painting the last house and nobody noticed till the move. 

My fondest memories of a Front Room Table are those of my Nanas, which would have a stack of Sodoku books, 1 white & rose trimmed coaster in each corner, a TV guide, a mechanical pencil (which I would always break on purpose), Sweet gifts, and a Picture of my family. I loved my Nanas front table as it would usually be where I spent most of my time as a child. By 10:30 AM I would have completed a task that only I would know the point or conclusion, the result of which would be me being collected by my Nana for an early hometime. I didn’t mind this. I had made my point with unappreciated passion, and now I could walk home, play with the dogs (Mitsie & Susie) and sit at the front table eating Dairylea sandwiches and playing a game of Go that my Nan had modified so we could play with pens & graph paper. Life was good around the Front Room Table. 

There was nothing special about the Table itself. It was a standard Ply top until she bought a Glass & Aluminium table from Argos. It could have become anyone's. There is nothing special about most Tables, they are objects until we introduce them to our homes and imprint our lifestyles upon them. You can talk to your Table if you want, but it will never answer you.

If you mark its surface or place something upon it, you perform a change through action, and it will reply according to the laws of nature, as does all. Your Table will let you know because you will see. You can call that mark damage, and repair it to the best of your ability (or not). Those who see your Table will see this. It is up to them how they see you for the marks you make. Or you can leave it where it is and see what comes along later, allowing you to take muse in the shaping of your home. 

My Nana had learned hard lessons that gave her a cunning only available through earned Wisdom. I would never ‘misbehave’ around my Nana because she knew how to communicate with me. 

Here she is, teaching my brother Jack about the secrets of the best Fish & Chips. There is no photographer in existence that has the skill to catch my Nana smiling on camera.

Being from the generation of The War, her communication was usually Action and her actions would always carry a message of Love and care. Only now she is gone and I am older do I realize the weight of the Lessons my Nana imparted on me. My greatest regret is that I did not appreciate her more while she was still here, and that I did not spend more time with her. 

Her lessons allow me to communicate in such a way that speaking just cannot capture. It isn’t limited by the words you can say and it doesn’t allow you to choose the Validity of your ‘conversation’ through emphasis, side tracking, jokes and persuasion.  Observation, Hypothesis and the analisation of ones actions in their surroundings invites you into their world when nobody is watching, it lets you view their past before they’ve told it, It gives you a much better idea of the Human you want to know instead of who they want you to know. I’m not interested in faces, I’m interested in the Human interacting with the environment, their environment and how it reflects upon them. You can tell me you like music and list your favorite bands, or we could Jam and find each others groove. You could tell me your work, your studies, but I’d much rather start a project and make a Youtube video about it. We could talk for hours about Fun of all kinds. I’d much rather play.

I have found impossibilities and unhealthy paradox’s in the Western World’s communication  that make it very hard for myself to learn how to make healthy  bonds with other Human beings, and as a result I have a handful of friends. Many I do not talk to and have not seen in years, and some I have never met in person, but I remember all those who I have been close with and shared something special with. If any of my friends are reading this, I’m sorry if I don’t talk to you, but I don’t really know how to talk to other people. I’d much rather make the effort to meet up and make a memory than give you a digital thumb once every social acceptable interval.  If the friendship we have is true, I  will see you one day and we will pick up exactly where we left off. 

Your Front Room Table will change as you do with Time, and will tell you what might be going on in your life, at whatever point you decide to take notice of it. But you can’t lie to your Front Room Table, because it is an inanimate object and incapable of making its own decisions of belief. You can train your Front Room Table to lie to others however, whether through fear of judgement or lack of reciprocation, by keeping it spotless. I don’t trust Front Room Tables with nothing on them. It smells like a secret. It smells like Chemical polish and fretting. 

My Front Room Table at the moment has my Laptop, A Creality Ender 3 3-D Printer, a Software Defined Radio, A coaster with an Anchor on it, and my Notebooks. I have no way of taking a picture at this moment in time, but I will. I can’t be having this first post be a brick wall of text. 

It is Varnished Hardwood with a lovely routed round trim, a hole for the mast, and one side is collapsible. Its one of the nicest Front Room Tables that has been a part of my space. Its windy out at the moment, so the collapsible side is swaying against the boat. Sometimes when its like this I drop a dab of water on the top of the sway and see where it goes. Sometimes it makes patterns. 

I will treat this blog as my virtual Front Room Table. If you happen by, Please sit and see. We may have something to do. I may have something interesting to show you, and we might even get around to some serious talking.

[selenelavellan]

If you feel inspired, I'd love to see reverse reincarnated Dirthamen awake in Selene a new love of mathematics. I'd love to see her healing from that bad start.

Sorry for the wait!

Reverse Reincarnation AU

Dirthamen is @feynites

tw for nightmares, abuse mention, and vomit

Living with an abomination is less ofa hellscape than Selene thought it would be.

It's a strange feeling, to be morecomfortable in this home than she ever had been with the clan.Though, she supposes her home life with the clan turned out to bemore of a hellscape than she thought it would be, so...maybeshe just fits in better with those who exist outside of a standardsociety. Maybe she just wasn't meant for aravels and husbands andfamilies; maybe she's just meant for a different sort of life, spentwith demons and abominations and boxes of forgotten items of pastlovers of the man that she's starting to...

It's a ridiculous notion.

A ridiculous thought, even, thatshe might be developing romantic feelings towards a man who stalkedher in dreams and tracked her down in reality until he found her onthe side of the road and then...and then flewher back to his home, to a country she's never even seenbefore.

Farther from her clan than she everthought she'd manage.

Farther, she thinks, than she evercould have managed on her own.

She's thankful for that. Always willbe, she hopes.

As time passes, she only finds herselfmore thankful. More grateful, and more conflicted about expressingher gratitudes. He pays attention to her; learns her likes anddislikes, notices what sort of food she prefers, even recognizes her nervous ticks before she realizes she's doing them.

She doesn't know why he's doing thesethings for her. Doesn't understand why he went to the trouble oftracking her down; the slew of people ringing the doorbell only to beturned away by her presence proves there was no lack ofcompanionship. There is nothing particular about her.

She is, on all accounts, only averageor worse.

He is very handsome, though.

The sharpness of the cut of his jaw hascaught her on more than one occasion, accented by light streaking inthrough the curtains. Light that highlights the muscles of hisshoulders, the cords of his neck, the curve of his waist. It's veryenticing, and too often she's had to drag her eyes away from himbefore her mind could turn to lewder concepts of touch and taste.

She supposes that's part of thepackage, when you merge with a desire demon.

The concept that her husband is deadis...difficult to wrap her mind around. That he could truly be gone,could truly be incapable of hurting her again, of fulfilling thelingering promises he left her with when last they met.

Her fingers brush against hershoulders, memories of bruises now long faded still rising at thetouch.

The nightmares persist.

The most common is the worst; that hefinds her here. That he strolls right in the front door, somehow evenlarger than he had been in life with his hair the same color as thefires that destroyed the clans home, his mere presence fills the air with smoke, choking theair from her lungs as she struggles to breathe and fails to scream,barely able to cough while hands wrap around her shoulders and forceher down against the kitchen counter-

But that is where the nightmare ends.Where Dirthamen appears and turns her husband to ash night afternight after night. He stands there with his eyes and nails turnedblack as pitch with hair to match, horns stretching out of hissilhouette while he takes slow and careful steps toward her, smokereplaced by air with every pace as he inspects and ensures she issafe and unharmed.

And then she thanks him.

It's a terrible thing for her to do,she thinks. To thank him, for murdering her husband. For saving her, because she is too weak to save herself. It only illuminates the worstparts of her; the parts that are selfish and disloyal and moreconcerned with her own wants than the needs of others.

She is not sure why this nightunsettles her more than the others. Why she jolts awake so suddenly,and so violently, with a burning in her gut that sends her racingto the bathroom to empty her stomach and shaking droplets of sweatfrom her skin with every motion.

She is unsure why her skin feels likethere are flames still licking at it, like there is still smoke inher lungs.

Like there is still a tall, red-headedelf standing on the other side of the door.

She showers, and brushes her teeth forthe second time that night and tries to shake whatever it is thatseems to be plaguing her, but finds no relief. Still feels asthough her world could be stripped from her at any point, that shewill need to vacate her body at a moments notice, that somethingterrible will happen and she will be powerless to stop it.

Her hair is still damp and her feet arestill bare when she finally leaves her bathroom. She doesn't stop ather bed, or her door, or at any point in the hallway between whereshe was and where he is. Doesn't even knock when she opens his door.

He is awake, at least.

Dirthamen blinks up at her, the pen inhis hand mid-signature as it presses against a small pile of paperson his work desk, the lamp upon it the only source of light in theroom.

Selene lets out a breath, and for thefirst time in an hour doesn't taste ash on her tongue.

“Sorry,” she swallows, hand stillon the doorknob. “I couldn't-I don't know why it was differenttonight, but I can't-...D'you mind if I just sit with you for a bit?I'll be quiet. I just...” She shakes her head, taking a deep breathand feeling a bead of sweat drip down the length of her neck. “Idon't think I can be alone right now.”

“Of course,” He says. His eyes arewide, and his body tenses as though conflicted about whether heshould stand to help her into the room or stay where he is to allowher her space.

It's a strange sort of politeness hepossesses, but she finds herself enamored by it all the same.

She finally releases the doorknob, hisrug soft and plush beneath her feet as she carefully moves into the largewingback chair sitting against the wall opposite his desk. It occursto her now that she is only wearing her bathrobe, as the warmthof her flames finally starts to calm down and she's left feelingexposed to the chilled air of the room. She curls her knees up to herchest, leaning against one side of the chair as she finally letsherself relax again.

She can only relax in the presence ofthe man who murdered her husband.

Probably not a great steptowards self sufficiency, she thinks wryly.

Dirthamen stares at her for a fewmoments more, and she tries not to be too awkward about it, beforehis attentions return to the papers on his desk. Selene takes thetime to look around the room; no photos, but plenty of mirrors.Shelves littered with tie and jewelry stands, bowls filled with ringsand loose change, and in a few places there are even books, laying ontheir side or propped up between other decorative pieces. She readsthe spines of a few, noting that most seem to be 'how to's forvarious hobbies and the rest are all biographies and oddly titledfictions.

Nearly half an hour passes beforeDirthamen seems to be finished with whatever he was working on, andSelene tenses slightly as he rises from his chair. But he makes noapproach towards her; only steps out of his own bedroom in silence.

Selene shifts awkwardly in the chair.Should she leave? His footsteps thud distantly against the stairs, andshe feels a distinct pang of guilt that he might be moving to sleepon the couch instead of in his own bed. That's not right, sheshouldn't-she didn't mean to make him uncomfortable in his own room. 

She stands and straightens her robe, meaning to go downstairs andapologize for her intrusion. But just as she starts to move for thedoor, it swings open again.

Dirthamen is standing there with twopencils and two books, and looking at her curiously.

“Is everything alright?” He asks.

“Yep,” Selene says a little tooquickly. “I was just-I didn't mean to bother you, I was just-”She sighs. “...Sorry.”

“There is nothing to apologize for,”He assures her, closing the door behind him with what she assumesmust be his tail. “I thought you might enjoy these with me.”

Selene blinks quickly, taking the softcovered book from him and glancing over it with a frown.

Sudoku and Other MathematicalPuzzlers

“You mentioned earlier that you thought you were not gifted withnumbers,” He says before she can bring it up again. “But Ifind these often help me to unwind and relax before sleeping. Ibelieve you would also find them similarly beneficial.”

“Dirthamen, I...” She starts, eyes darting briefly to the way histail flicks when she says his name. “Are you sure?”

“Yes,” He says with a smile. “If you have any difficulties orconcerns, feel free to ask. Though I believe you will do just fine.”

She swallows nervously, nodding as she takes one of the pencils fromhis other hand with a quiet thanks.

She hasn't worked with numbers in quite some time. Once, she hadthought to help Haleir with his own work; had found some of hisreceipts and bills of sale and value listings, and thought that perhaps, she had seena more productive and prosperous way for him to handle such things.

But she had been incorrect in some manner she could not see, and he hadbeen very angry at her actions and made it abundantly clear that thiswas something she knew nothing about. That she should concern herselfmore with the simple matters of her healing tent than the businesswhich he was trying to run.

So of course, she expects a similar disaster to await her in thepages of the book. But as she manages to complete the simple puzzles,and makes her way through to the intermediate, she finds she doesn'thave much difficulty with it at all.

It could be a fluke, of course.

She skips ahead, to one of the more advanced puzzles, and finds itstill does not take her long at all to find the solution.

A strange sense of pride wells in her chest.

She tries another, and another, and another still, and finds that thenumbers and the clarity and control she is given over the numberedboxes is comforting, in its way. After five of the Master levelpuzzles are completed, she skips further still into the book, findingpuzzles more akin to algebra than a crossword. Strings of lettersarranged into several equations, with a goal of finding out whichletter equals which number. It is a slow start, but Selene findsherself solving even those with ease, before long.

“I see you are finding them enjoyable,” Dirthamen finally speaks, breaking the silence of the room.“I think that is the first time I have seen you smile tonight.”

Selene feels her face heat slightly, pulling the book up to coverher darkening cheeks and the bridge of her nose while she mumbles outa reflexive apology.

“It was not mean to be a negative statement,” He assures her. “Iam afraid I am not having quite as much ease with my own endeavors,however. Would you mind assisting me?”

She hesitates.

He is laying in his bed, back against an array of overly fluffedpillows with bright pink socks covering his feet. Still wearing hisblack slacks and belt, though his shirt is clearly one he regularlysleeps in, with a slightly stretched out collar. As though he hadremembered he had work to finish half-way through his night timeroutine.

There is something oddly vulnerable and alluring about theappearance.

And so she hesitates.

But only briefly.

Selene crawls over the side of his bed closest to her chair, peeringdown at the offered book from beside him.

“You have a five where you should have a three,” She informs him,pointing out the offending square on the page.

“Ah,” He notes, staring directly at her and not so much asglancing at the page. “So I do.”

Selene raises an eyebrow at him as she straightens from where she hadbeen on all fours, pulling her robe back over where it had loosenedon her chest. “Was this a trick?”

“No,” He assures her. “I truly was not sure where I had madethe mistake. Though...” His tongue darts out briefly to lick histop lip and his eyes flash gold for a brief moment. “I think it isthe best mistake I have made in a very long time.”

Selene snorts, before immediately covering her face and apologizingagain. Nobody likes snorting, and its rude to do in front of people.

“I do not mind it,” Dirthamen assures her. “It is a sign thatyou are happy, correct? How could that possibly be a bad thing?”

Her face flushes, and she feels flames licking beneath her skin foran entirely different reason than earlier.

It's a ridiculous notion, she reminds herself.

“I suppose I should just go back to my puzzles then...” Dirthamendrawls, eyes still on her expectantly.

Selene clears her throat and nods, opening her own book back upbeside him. “Yes. That-that's probably for the best.”

He makes a soft noise of acknowledgment, and they both return totheir tasks, close and in various states of undress on one of thenicest mattresses Selene has ever been on.

She realizes this, of course, when she wakes up on it in the morning.Covered by the blue blanket that had previously been slung over thewingback chair, and curled into thestill-only-partially-dressed-for-bed abomination that had kept hersafe through the night.

Dirthamen is still dozing, breaths light and even with the rise andfall of his chest, his arms wrapped around her shoulders, touchingthem in a way that doesn't make her flinch. In a way that just makesher feel safe, and warm, and content.

She closes her eyes, her own hand tightening in the hem of his shirt,and takes a deep breath.

No smoke. No ash.

No nightmares.

[acaseforpencils]

Jason Chatfield.

Bio: I grew up in the far flung suburbs of Perth, in Western Australia, and used to spend my paper route money on MAD Magazines (I cheaped-out and stole my dentist’s waiting room issues of the New Yorker. I think I was the only kid who looked forward to going to the dentist).

I moved to New York in 2014 and started pitching to the mag in person. I’m not sure Bob liked me, so I went back to pitching via email. Then I went in on his last day and finally sold my first piece. I feel like it was his final f—k you to the magazine. “Here! Have a Chatfield!” 

Find this print here!

The cartoon was a goofy play on Vlad the Impaler. 

I didn’t sell to the magazine again until last month, but I’ve had a handful sold as dailies. And I’m published in MAD often, so they’ve clearly done away with any of their standards.

When I’m not drawing gag cartoons I write and draw a syndicated legacy strip called Ginger Meggs which I took over 10 years ago. It’s been around since 1921 and now appears daily in 34 countries. He’s kind of an Australian version of Dennis the Menace, except he predates him by about 30 years.

Tools of choice: For drawing/roughs, I use a Prismacolor Turquoise clutch pencil with a red lead and try to find some paper with a little bit of tooth. The mixed media pads at Blick do the trick nicely.

I ink using a Uni-ball Vision Elite Stick Roller Ball Pen… or a Pigma Micron 03. 

DO NOT use the Uni-Ball Vision Rollerball Pens, Fine Point (0.7mm) if you’re traveling. They explode on planes. And ruin your copy of The New Yorker.

For a wash, I just use watercolor and whatever brush is lying around. Nothing fancy. There’s a scanning app on my phone called “Adobe Scan” which does a nice job of scanning line-art into a PDF when I’m out of the studio and need to email in a quick rough.

I use a Wacom Mobilestudio Pro for finished artwork. I like to get out of the studio and work from a bar or restaurant, so it helps that I can take that with me. I use a little glove that I got on Amazon so I don’t grease up the screen, and the felt-tip nib that comes in the pen-holder makes the friction between the stylus and the screen more like pencil on paper. Unfortunately, they’re not waterproof, as I found on a recent vacation…

My wife plays piano and sings at bars around the city so I’ll often sit at the bar during her sets and draw. Digital/Traditional depends on what deadlines are most pressing. (She has a weekly residency in Astoria —if anyone’s interested in going, let me know!)

A lot of people email me for advice about tablets —I’ve been trialling/demo-ing Wacom products for 15 years— I think they’re great. If you’re married to doing stuff by hand but want to colour digitally, you can get a decent tablet without going broke. Depends on your workflow.

Writing Desk: My wife and I were living upstairs in 5A when my neighbour in 4B died. He was a brilliant poet and had an incredible old writing desk. It’s the only thing that was left in the apartment, so I’m looking after it ’til his grandson moves in at the end of our lease. I work for countless hours at this old thing. It’s beat up, but I’ve patched it together enough that it won’t collapse and bury me mid-brushstroke. I’ve stuck a few of my favourite toons on the top of it.

Tool I wish I could use better: My brain. It really is a sack of cats. Whenever I want to sit and do work, it clocks off. Then it comes up with a pearler of an idea at 3 in the morning when I’m trying to sleep. I write it down in my phone, but autocorrect makes it indecipherable by morning.

I like working with my writer friend, Scott. We both do comedy at night and have developed a nice short-hand. We also seem to have the same library of references and can build on each others’ premises, which tames my sack-of-cats.

Tool I wish existed: The Deadline Extender.® I’ve never missed a deadline, but that said… an extra 3 or 4 minutes to allow for a terrible wifi connection, or a errant scanner wouldn’t go astray.

Also: The Deadline Extender® PREMIUM: Let’s you go back in time to when you were procrastinating and slap yourself in the face. $30 p/month.

Tricks: Ok, well. This is going to sound a bit Dalton Trumbo, but bear with me: I do my best work…in the bath.The most productive 3 hours of my week are during Scotchbath Sunday; an immoveable chunk of time on Sunday evening whereby I lock myself in the bathroom, run a bath, lug my drawing stuff onto a bit of wood that sits over the bath, and just write and draw. Nothing else. I write weeks worth of my syndicated comic strip (Ginger Meggs), I write New Yorker cartoons, scribble up roughs for dailies— and when I feel like I’ve earned it (usually 2 hours in) I tap the side of the bath three times, and my wife peels herself from her piano and I unlock the door to a nice big glass of scotch. It’s a hell of a carrot on a stick to work towards when you’re stuck. (PS. Lest you think I’m some kind of Don Draper-era misogynist; the scotch reward part was her idea. I think she realized it keeps me in the bath and out of her way.)

Anyway. It’s a great way to switch gears creatively. It’s like being on an aeroplane. No wifi, no phones — just the work you need to get done. Get involved. #ScotchBathSunday.

Oh! And if I get my deadlines done for the week, I have a small budget for a solo lunch somewhere where I can eat cheese and draw. I really didn’t know cheese ’til I moved to America. (And yes, I’ve already been to Wisconsin. Good Lord.)

Tips? I always tell younger artists to not even think about touching a drawing tablet until they’ve learned to draw by hand first. Otherwise they’ll always be drawing away, knowing they have the insurance of the CTRL+Z key at their disposal if they screw up a line. That’s not a good habit to have when you’re working to a deadline. But, once you do know how to draw, by all means dive head-first into the digital realm. It’s incredible. Procreate, Sketchbook or Photoshop are all great.

Misc: One of the hangovers from working in advertising illustration is that I’ve had to be a bit of a chameleon style-wise for the last 15 years and haven’t allowed myself to just settle into one style. Lately, I’ve just decided to say “Bugger it!” and try and find a loose, consistent style that I’m comfortable with, that’s an apt conduit to my silly ideas.

I always loved George Booth’s line, and his ability to create a scene with so much movement but just at the right moment in time. Also Sam Gross’ dark, hilarious cartoons with perfect line-economy. And I’d give my left arm (I draw with my right) to know how Barry Blitt has so much control with his washes…

Chatfield’s portrait of Sam Gross

While I’m geeking out, I love seeing younger cartoonists find their feet and thrive in a style that just feels like they’re speaking to you— Ellis J. Rosen, Sofia Warren, Hilary Fitzgerald Campbell, Jason Katzenstein, Amy Kurzweil, and a seemingly endless list of talented younger artists who are putting in the work are a big inspiration. 

I know it should be Steig or Thurber or Addams, but my favourite cartoonist is Sergio Aragones.

I was always so enamoured of MAD growing up and studied the lines of Jack Davis, Mort Drucker, Al Jaffee and the Usual Gang of Idiots. I remember being so frustrated I couldn’t even come close to getting my work to look like theirs, but I think I found a style somewhere in between when I fell short. 

I think Wil McPhail’s poses are masterful, and I wish I knew how how the hell he did that. One day I’ll trudge up to England and knock on his door to ask him. I find myself doubled-over at John Cuneo’s Instagram, and Ed Steed’s absurdly funny gags. I have a slew of toons I’ve torn out of years’ worth of magazines and taped to my studio wall, or my zillion year-old writing desk. I’m constantly humbled by how generous and welcoming the existing crop of New Yorker cartoonists have been to a goofy Aussie immigrant — Joe Dator, Matt Diffee and Pat Byrnes, Mort Gerberg and an ever-growing list of prolific, talented cartoonists who make the 99% weekly rejection tolerable.

I’ve made some of my closest friends and have been lucky enough to meet my cartooning heroes through the National Cartoonists Society. I got to spend a lot of time with Sergio at the Lakes International Comic Art Festival in the UK last year which made my year. We were signing together for a whole afternoon and I spent more time geeking out with him than signing.

Okay. Enough drooling. Sorry.

I’m a fan of cartoonists.

Website, etc. I have a weekly podcast where I throw around ideas for New Yorker cartoons with a fellow comedian and writer, Scott Dooley. It’s called “Is There Something In This?” It’s a bit of fun. We don’t take ourselves too seriously, but we do take the art of writing gags very seriously. It’s an extremely difficult skill to master, and we’re virtually zygotes at it. We have lots of listeners now, which is bewildering. Talking about drawing is like dancing about architecture, but here we are. Anyway you can find it on iTunes or wherever you waste time listening to podcasts.

My website is jasonchatfield.com and my comedy stuff is up at jasonchatfieldcomedy.com  ( I’ve been doing stand-up comedy for 11 years. If anyone wants to come see a show, hit me up! I’ll put you on the door). My instagram is @jasonchatfield. I’m still trolling the British chap who has the @jasonchatfield handle on Twitter to no avail. To that end, I’m @jason_chatfield on Twitter.

If you want more art supplies in your life, A Case for Pencils is on Instagram and Twitter.  You can also find me, Jane (the person who created/edits this blog), on Twitter here, which is where I stick the paintings that I’ve been doing instead of interviewing people consistently (I needed to balance working on other people’s work and my own work!). Oh, and If you’d like to support this blog, which is always very appreciated, there are many different ways to do so, which you can find here!

[kamccormickhnd1b]

Photoshop Tools And What They Do

Photoshop is a very in-depth application. Photoshop was designed for the use of photo editing, image creation, and graphic design. The software provides many image editing features for pixel-based images as well as vector graphics. It appeals to photographers, graphic designers, video game artists, advertising, and meme designers. 

Photoshop has many useful keyboard shortcuts, but if you’re anything like me, you tend to forget those shortcuts! There are so many shortcuts to remember that I find myself keeping a cheat sheet to remind myself of what does what! 

For example, instead of right-clicking on the tool, you can press “W” and then “Shift-W” to toggle between the two tools.

If you’re completely new to Photoshop, whether it be your first time or simply  new computer, opening up the application and selecting a tool brings up a video of how that tool works. It’s a rather nice way to show you how to use the tool instead of wondering what it does and getting yourself worked up.

Customisation

When in Photoshop, while in the Edit menu, you can select the “tools” option. Once clicked, the Customize Toolbar window displays and it allows you to customize the toolbar to however you like it. You can:

Group tools together

Hide little-used tools

Display a tool on the Photoshop Toolbar instead of it being nested

Change the keyboard shortcut for a tool

Save the customized Photoshop Toolbar to an option to use at another time

The Photoshop Toolbar is able to be moved around and displayed as a single row or a double row by selecting the two arrows at the top of it, it all comes down to how you want your workspace to look. You can also click and drag the top bar and drag the Photoshop Toolbar wherever you wish on the canvas. 

Neural Filters

A Neural Filter is a smart and manipulative tool that is able to make changes to a person’s facial expression, age, hair thickness, head direction, or any other chosen area. To access it, simply click “Filter” from the menu bar, then click “Neural Filters”. 

Neural Filters are put into 3 different categories: 

Category 1: This  category features Neural Filters, these filters are highly functional and can surprise the users with the outcome with standards.

Category 2: Beta Neural Filters. The Beta Filters option includes dramatic and impressive features. It combines features of popular apps and changes facial expressions, editing emotions, and more. It gives the user the ability to alter background, looking direction, hair thickness, smile, age, and more.

Category 3: This category provides the user with options to add little changes into a person’s skin, hair, details and more. The options involve:

Skin Smoothing

Style Transfer

Smart Portrait

Makeup Transfer

Depth-Aware Haze

Colorize

Super Zoom

JPEG Artefacts

Photo Restoration

Noise Reduction

Dust and Scratches

Face Clean up

Photo to Sketch

Sketch to Portrait

Pencil Artwork

Face to Caricature

Select & Mask enhancements

The Select and Mask tool in Photoshop helps to make the selection and masking process a lot easier and quicker than before. To use it, click the Lasso Tool, Magic Wand, or Quick Selection Tool from the options bar. Once you have that selected, look to the top bar and the Select and Mask button will show up.

Most useful tools in Photoshop 

Move Tool – To move a part of any image.

Marquee Tools – To give any particular shape of an image.

Lasso Tools – To make any selection on an image.

Quick Selection Tool/Magic Wand Tool – To make a quick selection.

Crop Tool – To crop any part of an image.

Eyedropper Tool – To sample a colour from any image.

Spot Healing Brush/Healing Brush/Patch Tool/Content-Aware Move Tool/Red Eye Tool – To fill or remove in any area in an image.

Brush Tool – To retouch the image.

Clone Stamp Tool/Pattern Stamp Tool – To clone of copy image information.

History Brush Tool – To undo any tool used earlier.

Eraser Tool/Background Eraser Tool/Magic Eraser Tool – To remove any section of an image.

Blur Tool/Smudge Tool/Sharpen Tool – To blend color in various ranges.

Dodge Tool – To highlight in different tone on any image.

Text Tool – To write text anyway.

Pen Tool – To draw paths around objects.

Shape Tools – To give various shapes.

Hand Tool – To move any area of an image.

Zoom Tool – To zoom in and zoom out.

Move Tool

The Move Tool simply gives you the ability to move part of a layered image to a new location. The very first thing that you need to know about the Move Tool that it will only work if there is something that can be moved in your image. If the image has more than one layer and is locked, the tool can’t do anything to move the image as you need two layers to use the Move Tool. If a layer is unlocked, then you can use the move tool. 

Marquee Tools

There are several marquee tools that allow you to select areas in an image. With the any of the selection tools selected, holding shift will add to your selection, and holding option/alt will subtract from the selection. One such selection tool includes: 

I. The Rectangular Marquee Tool: it makes a rectangular selection on your Photoshop image.

The Elliptical Marquee Tool: it allows for you to make a round selection.

The Single Row Marquee Tool: this tool makes a 1px horizontal selection that spans the total width of your image. 

The Single Column Marquee Tool: It makes a 1px vertical selection that spans the total height of your image. 

Lasso Tools

In photoshop, there are several lasso tools that also allow you to make selections, including: 

Lasso Tool: this tool makes loose selections around anything on a layer, just like a lasso. It operates the same way as the marquee tools.

Polygonal Lasso Tool: the Polygonal Lasso Tool let you make selections, but only in a particular way, meaning you can only draw straight lines for your selections.

Magnetic Lasso Tool: the Magnetic Lasso Tool lets you drag your mouse over the edges of an image, while doing that, the tool determines where the edges are, and anchor points are placed often to show where these edges are located. The tool offers a rather close and controlled selection.

Quick Selection Tool/Magic Wand Tool

These two tools are very popular in being used, mostly because they are the simplest to use and help to make quick selections in slightly different ways.

Quick Selection Tool: the Quick Selection Tool will makes a selection based on the edges of an object. Like the title says, it selects quickly and you can drag over the areas that you want to select.

Magic Wand Tool: the Magic Wand Tool allows for a selection based on where you click your mouse. As with other selection tools, you can hold Shift to add to the selection and hold Option/Alt to take away from your selection.

Crop Tool

Crop Tool: this tool lets you crop an image to the size that you want. 

Eyedropper Tool: the Eyedropper Tool lets you sample a colour from any image so that you can use it in your work. You are in control the entire time and can select the colour area that it samples. 

Spot Healing Brush Tool

This tool is a great way to remove blemishes from images. It works with a simple click of the mouse by sampling the surrounding areas and blending the blemish away.

Healing Brush Tool

This tool lets you brush out blemishes and areas that aren’t desired in your images. Unlike the Spot Healing Brush, the Healing brush requires you to select a reference point before it can begin working.

Patch Tool

The Patch Tool is a tool  that allows the user to make a selection that is similar to the Lasso Tool. Once selected, you can click and drag it to the area to fill it with and when you release it, it patches that area with the selected content.

Content-Aware Move Tool

The Content-Aware Move Tool is a tool that intelligently tries to fill in any moved content with what it perceives to be there. Example: a rowboat on a beach can be moved, and Photoshop will try to fill in the sand that would be left behind the boat, the aim is to try and replace what has been removed. 

Red Eye Tool

The Red Eye Tool is a quick way to click on portions of an image that have red-eye and remove them instantly.

Brush Tool

The Brush Tool is one of the most used and important tools within Photoshop. You will use this tool more than any other tool in Photoshop, especially if retouching is required. You can change the size of the brush, how hard it is, its shape, texture, opacity, flow, and more. 

Clone Stamp Tool

The Clone Stamp Tool is used in order to clone or copy parts of an image from one area to another. You can hold the Option/Alt key and click an area of an image. Then, click the image to brush with the colour and image information that you sampled.

Pattern Stamp Tool

The Pattern Stamp Tool works similarly to the clone stamp tool, it allows you to use use a brush-type tool to paint a pattern or texture on your image.

History Brush Tool

This tool allows you to paint with an image snapshot in a different layer. This lets you bring in details from a previous point in your work, it is an undo feature. 

Eraser Tool

This tool will remove pixel information from your image just like a real eraser. It is best to duplicate an image before using an eraser as it will remove pixels from the image itself and damage it. 

Background Eraser Tool

The Background Eraser Tool is a tool used for removing the background from an image.

Blur Tool

This tool allows you to blur parts of an image, which can help with harsh contrasts between images. Like the Sharpen Tool, it behaves just like a brush and gives you accurate results. 

Sharpen Tool

The Sharpen Tool gives the ability to sharpen areas of an image by painting on them., it gives to you a lot of control and accuracy when sharpening images.

Dodge Tool

The Dodge Tool  paints in highlights in the different tone ranges of your images. 

Burn Tool

This tool is used in pairing to the Dodge Tool, while the Dodge tool allows for you to paint in highlights, this tool lets you paint de-highlights in the different tone ranges of your images.

[mrsbenedictbridgerton]

How not to fall for Killian Jones (and other failed endeavours)

SURPRISE! Hey @xerxesrises, tis I, your very tardy GFSS! This is one of those situations where what I set out to write bears little to no resemblance to what ended up on the page or what I had planned to write initially. Regardless, I hope you like it.

A huge thank you to my wonderful beta, nickillian/Ztofan, for all her tireless efforts to make my writing not suck!

Also on FF.NET and AO3

She wasn’t really good at any kind of resolutions - New Year’s or otherwise. Maybe that was why it was so easy to break them.

7:52 pm  Failure one: Not thinking of or fully considering the consequences

Bored and listless, Emma Swan drummed her nails on the surface of her standard issue corporate desk. Around her, the office was silent, its beige walls absent of the echoed sound of her workmates chatter. This was unsurprising, considering it was New Year’s Eve and almost 8pm but still disconcerting when used to the hubbub of the dozens or so coworkers who shared the twelfth floor. She stared at the phone for the hundredth time, willing it to ring and give her something to do, yet it remained stubbornly quiet.

Letting out a frustrated huff, she picked up her lukewarm coffee and knocked back an unpleasant gulp while she reminded herself that she had volunteered to work that night (and that it was triple pay that she badly needed).

It had seemed a great idea at the time; now, not so much.

She slipped her hand into the pocket of the red leather jacket that hung over her chair and pulled out a small, black leather notebook. It had been a gift from her closest friend and one time roommate - Mary Margaret - one that had started out as a trendy ‘bullet journal’ when Emma had complained one too many times about not being focused enough in her life. Her friend had sworn that this would change everything. Well, it hadn’t taken long for daily lists with twee little codes and pretty pens to be replaced with grocery lists scrawled in sharpie and the once pristine pages to be stuffed with receipts and business cards.

Emma flicked to the back and grabbed one of the number 2 pencils that sat in a pot on her desk. She scrawled at the top of the page: Emma Swan, 2016. And beneath began a start assessment of her life.

31 years old

Proud renter of a one bedroom apartment with a kickass view of Boston Harbor

Owner of a car older than she is

Single

Hopelessly addicted to hot cocoa (with cinn

Stuck in a goddamn rut.

 She underlined the last one three times. Tapping the eraser of the pencil against the page, she paused.

Mary Margaret had once told her that her problem was that she spent so long pondering what direction to take her life yet so little time putting anything into action (hence the damn journal). At the time she had brushed off the comment, but now, begrudgingly, she had to admit her friend was right. While Mary Margaret was always working on improving herself (and had even found just about the best still-single man in the city), Emma was still exactly where she had been for the past few years. That’s not to say that Emma was unhappy… just a little lost. Or maybe unfulfilled. And certainly lacking in direction.

Like her current place of work, for example. It was yet another one of those situations where her laissez faire attitude had led her down a path that she had not intended. See, this job was supposed to be temporary - a short work contract, earning her enough to pay some of her overdue rent and get her landlord off her back. An old friend, Ruby, had hooked her up after they’d met up for some drinks and Emma had bemoaned her financial situation. A few weeks working for Mills Security Systems seemed an easy enough way to supplement her bail bonds income (which had taken a nose dive that Spring) and when her friend had told her it was 20 dollars an hour for simply monitoring some alarm systems and taking a few calls, she’d been sold.

Yet now the year was drawing to a close but her ‘temporary’ contract was still going. She had just about paid back her rent when her car had decided to break down, maxing out her credit card and thus extending her supplemental job. She’d even became eligible for basic health care now she’d been there for so long…

Okay, so there were a few positives. She had her own desk - which was a step up from working out of the driver’s seat of her VW Bug. It even had three, half-sized walls around it which gave a modicum of privacy when she was sending WhatsApp messages during working hours. She did like the paycheck. It came in a crisp white envelope, once a week delivered to her little cubicle (the one labeled E. Swam in some clerical error. She’d changed the M to and N with a Sharpie). She liked the regular (ish) hours and the climate controlled environment that meant less time spent freezing in her car or apartment (heating wasn’t cheap during the cold-ass east coast winter). She even liked most of her coworkers. So far, so good?

Well, there was one particular fly in the ointment that made her resolve to quit the job as soon as possible even stronger: Killian Jones, the head of finance who she’d met that first week, and then tried to avoid ever since.

Okay, okay, let’s back up a little.

It had been her third day. She’d already jammed the copier and gotten scolded for taking someone else’s coffee cup from the break room (seriously, it was plain white and looked exactly like all the others). She’d been told to attend a team strategy meeting one floor up on 12 and arrived with her (non-stolen) coffee cup and a minute to spare meaning the only seat in the tiny room had been next to… him. Him being the most attractive man she had seen in a long, long time. Her quick assessment of him as she looked for a seat noted his glossy dark hair and piercing blue eyes and the nonchalant way he crossed his legs at the ankles as they sprawled out in front of him. It wasn’t like she was exactly an innocent gal, but the way he had looked her up and down as she approached the chair beside him had her stomach doing flips and an uncomfortable heat growing between her thighs.

Goddamn it.

(It had been way too long.)

Then as she’d sat, he’d turned and looked her in the eyes, taking her hand and shaking it firmly. He’d introduced himself and then asked her name, repeating it in his silky English accent. It had cut through her like a hot knife through butter and she’d known straight away that he was trouble.

Hey, if things had been different, if she’d met him at a club after a few drinks, she’d have made it quite clear that she thought he was highly fuckable and then added him to her ‘one and done’ list. But even Emma Swan, not exactly employee of the year, knew that one night stands with work colleagues were a recipe for disaster.  

Problem was, he was gorgeous. He was that easy kind of handsome. The kind that took your breath away but at the same time just suited him so well that you couldn’t help but stare, even as your cheeks flushed and your mind turned to goo. And then there was just something about the way he held himself, his manner and posture, that made her want to fucking swoon.

So like a rabbit startled by headlights, she’d decided then and there to not put herself in any situation where she’d be tempted to exercise poor judgment–no matter how freaking hot he was. When the meeting was over she’d scuttled back to the 11th floor as he was distracted by a coworker, yet not without the nagging feeling he was watching her as she left.

Of course, despite her efforts, that wasn’t the only time they had interacted.

A few weeks later, for Ruby’s birthday, a bunch of people had headed to a bar downtown after work to toast in her new age with pineapple margaritas. She didn’t think Killian Jones was exactly a friend of Ruby’s (though she’d mentioned offhand just how ‘hot’ he was in his ‘tight, ass-hugging pants’) so Emma hadn’t hesitated to tag along. But, unexpectedly, he had turned up, looking perfect in a pale grey suit and sky blue shirt, his tie removed and his hair ruffled oh-so-perfectly.

Emma had almost panicked. Which she knew was ridiculous… He was just a guy! She’d met thousands! But whenever she glanced in his direction (and she couldn’t resist), it seemed like he was wearing the most intense, curious look that had made her feel completely naked and exposed. It had ended up with her feeling hot under the collar and thoroughly frustrated. So she took the only action she could in such a situation. Putting on her best stony-faced look, she’d done her utmost to stay as far away from him as possible, practically gluing herself to the birthday girl’s side. Strategically, she had positioned herself as much out of his line of sight as she could, purposely avoiding his gaze. (And maybe, once or twice, when she had allowed herself to look again at him… maybe she saw an expression on his face that looked like disappointment.)

After that close call, they’d found themselves frequenting the coffee cart in the lobby together a few times. Waiting in line, she’d pretended not to see him, instead attempting to focus her attention on her phone. He hadn’t tried to speak to her those times. Clearly, her cool demeanor was working. See, the one thing Emma possessed in bucket loads, was self-restraint.

And I suppose the question that needs to be answers is why was she so adamantly avoiding this man? Simple. She just didn’t do relationships. After a couple that crashed and burned quite spectacularly, she’d came to the very adult conclusion that she was just not designed to be part of a pair.

Emma Swan did just fine on her own, thank you very much

Huffing softly, she opened a drawer and tossed the damn notebook away and out of her view.

 ***

8:31 pm

Time continued to drag painfully slowly.

Tink, the girl who usually worked the evening shift, was visiting family for the holidays and the rest of the team had split her tasks between them. Emma’s sole role tonight was to answer any customer service calls (thanks to Mills Security’s promise of ‘365 days service’) and log the details so the client could be contacted during normal office hours. She had zero idea why they just didn’t use a phone service.

She was staring at drunken photos on Facebook of friends celebrating at the parties that she could have been at when she heard a noise at the other end of the floor. She knew it was only her and a security guard working that night, so she immediately grabbed the pepper spray she kept in her purse and peered over the top of her partition. Then the sound of a bang behind her practically made her jump out of her skin and she spun around.

What the fuck.

It was Killian Jones, bending down to pick up what looked like a bottle of champagne that was rolling along the floor, his perfect arse exactly in her line of sight as it strained against his oh-so-tight dark jeans.

(She flushed as she imagined his ass sans those jeans.)

“Shit,” she cried as her heart raced and she tried futilely to look away, “You scared me!”

“Sorry,” he replied, sheepishly dropping his chin as he stood up. “Didn’t realize anyone was up here.”

With desperately feigned aloofness, she folded her arms. She could be cool. She was alone with the a guy she’d had some pretty R rated dreams about in a deserted office building. No biggie.

(Yeah, there had been dreams to… It had been a very, very long time and he was very, very attractive.)

“Well, I am. What are you doing here?”

He smiled. (Damn he had an amazing smile.) “Ah, I left earlier and realized I’d forgotten to file a report.”

She eyed the bottle in his hands. “And you thought you’d celebrate that fact?”  

“Oh, I need to keep this chilled. I was just up here to use your refrigerator - the one on 11 doesn’t seem to be working.”

“Right,” she nodded, relaxing just a little as the initial shock of his appearance faded. These were the most words she had ever shared with the guy. She vaguely wondered if he even remembered her name.

(Because she knew his: and that he had one brother and that he had moved from England five years earlier and that he owned a sailboat - yeah, her colleagues liked to talk and she was an apt pupil when it came to Killian Jones 101.)

“So you heading to a party?” she asked, feeling a strange mixture of jealousy and yearning as he nodded.

“That’s the plan,” he smiled, “My brother said I need to stop being a miserable sod and enjoy myself for the holidays.”

“Your brother sounds like my old roommate. She’s still offended I volunteered to work tonight rather than attend her potluck dinner.”

He smiled again, much broader, exposing his pearly white teeth and she was struck by the fact that when he did so, he looked even more handsome. Her heart did a little jump and she suddenly felt, well, a little shy.

“Well, I’d better-” she hitched her thumb towards her silent phone.

He nodded. “Happy New Year, Emma.”

“Happy New Year,” she echoed.

(She really did like the way he said her name.)

***

9:37 pm Failure two: Keeping promises to herself  

Twenty two minutes spent playing Candy Crush.

Thirty five on Facebook.

Eleven spent composing the perfect inspirational New Year post.

And not a single goddamn phone call.

The dollar signs that had convinced her to volunteer were slowly morphing into visions of the glasses of champagne she was missing by not attending Mary Margaret’s potluck. She pulled out the notebook and  flicked back to the list she had made earlier. Her life laid out in the stark grey lines of the pencil was particularly sobering. Sure, she was doing… fine. Better than many. Yet something was missing, she just wasn’t sure what.

Maybe Mary Margaret was right - maybe she did need to really make some changes this year. She’d never been one for New Year’s resolutions, but what could it really hurt to do something different? Because doing the same old things year after year wasn’t really getting her anywhere. Hadn’t she wanted to travel and see the world? To be brave and take some chances? (Secretly, she’d dreamed of opening her own bonds bureau for over a year.)  If nothing else she knew that she did not want to spend her next New Year’s Eve surrounded by grey partition walls and lingering regrets.

The sound of Killian Jones clearing his throat startled her and she jumped in time to see him standing now six feet away, the bottle of champagne he had earlier back in his hands and covered in beads of condensation.

“Shit,” she cried, placing her hand on her racing chest, “You need to stop doing that.”

“Apologies, love,” he said advancing a step closer to her desk.

“S’fine,” she replied, waving away his apology with her hand. She looked at the bottle of champagne with more than a little envy. “So you done?”

“Aye,” he nodded, his hair bouncing over his forehead.

“Then off to this party of yours..?”

He gave her an awkward smile and then tilted his head to one side. He opened his mouth to speak and then paused before dampening his lips and repeating the process. “Look, this may sound a bit mad, but what are you doing tonight?”

“Umm…” She gave him a curious look and then gestured towards her phone. “I’m the customer support til the automated system kicks in at one a.m. and everything is forwarded to India.”

“Oh, yeah,” he grinned rubbing his hand across his face. “Of course you are. Mills Security’s famous promise of US-based call centers.”

A peculiar light feeling bubbled in her chest as Killian Jones - object of her lust and fascination for months now - danced awkwardly from foot to foot-

“You see, the thing is, my brother-”

“The one who said you’re a miserable sod?”

“Aye, that’s the one.” He gave her a quick, searing glance and she felt a shiver ripple down her spine. “Well, he always says I’m too uptight. That I need to be more spontaneous.”

“Okay…” she said, wondering where he was going with this.

“So, Emma Swan, who has been avoiding me since I clapped eyes on her gorgeous self five months ago, how do you feel about joining me?”

Stunned, Emma felt like she’d been slapped in the face. But in a good way. “Huh?”

“The party. I believe it’s custom to bring a date?”

Her mouth gaped open.

What was her life right now? Was she not just minutes earlier contemplating doing something different and out of her comfort zone? It was like he was freaking psychic.

Immediately, her usual defenses flung right up, spewing out reasons why this was a very, very bad idea.

“But the calls-”

“You can forward them to your cell phone.”

“If they find out-”

“They won’t.”

“I won’t know anyone there…”

“You’ll know me… And, Emma Swan,” she blushed as he said her full name for the second time in the span of a minute, “I would really, really like to get to know you better.”

Oh shit.

Now this was unexpected and quite frankly, scary territory. She had sworn to stay away from him, but now that seemed like such a ridiculous thing to do as she stared into his beautiful blue eyes.

She looked down at her sweater and jeans combo.

“I’m not exactly dressed for a party.”

“You look great to me.”

She was running out of excuses. And actually wanting to make excuses.

A thought suddenly occurred.

“Just gimme a minute.”

***

Ruby Lucas, whilst a great girlfriend, was foremost known among her circle of friends for her active social life and exacting preparations. As such, she kept a selection of outfits in the breakout room lockers just in case of any last minute post-work drinks or dinner invitations that just could not be attended in her usual office attire.

Most of them were short, but since Ruby was a couple of inches taller than Emma, she was able to find a black wiggle dress which fit just about right, landing an inch above her knee, with cap sleeves and a sweetheart neckline. It was sexy, but not too sexy. (Since she didn’t know what this was - was it a date? She wasn’t an expert in last minute New Year’s plans when she was really supposed to be working.)

She dug out a pair of black pumps with a medium sized heel that were only a little too big and checked her reflection. She was pretty sure Ruby would not mind when she found out. She was actually pretty sure Ruby would quite the opposite of mind. Next, she grabbed the emergency makeup bag that also lived in the locker and added some layers of blush and mascara before finishing the look with a red Dior lipstick that even she had to admit was very flattering. A spritz of perfume before she ran a brush through her (thankfully, freshly washed) hair and she was ready. And her heart was racing.

Nervously, she stepped back into the office. A cool shiver trickled over her skin. What was she doing? She was about to turn back, when-

“Well now, I have to admit, that’s much better.”

She hadn’t thought it was possible to blush any deeper because of this man and she had been wrong. He gave her a slow, appreciative look, one that was hot and spine tingling yet not disrespectful. Her heart skipped a beat.

“Oh, this old thing,” she teased.

He held out his hand, “Shall we? I have a car waiting.”

“A car?” she asked.

He shrugged, “I’m CFO, have to take advantage of the perks at some point.”

“What the hell,” she shrugged in reply, placing her hand in his and letting him lead her to the elevator.

***

10:52 pm Failure three: A total misunderstanding of what she had gotten herself into

‘Party’ was perhaps a bit of an understatement.  The event was being held at one of those trendy little bars in Union Square with oversized art on the walls that contrasted with simple, neutral furniture and neon accessories. It was being hosted by a client of Mills Security, as it turned out, Killian had explained on the journey there that he’d been given the company invite.

It had been so hard concentrating on what he had been saying in the back of the sleek black sedan that had been waiting for them. Even though the back seat was pretty roomy by her VW bug size standards, they still seemed to be achingly close together as the car pulled away.

Then it hit her just how crazy this was! Five months of avoiding this man, only for her resolve to crumble in seconds. But she couldn’t find herself regretting her snap decision. He smelled damn good next to her. She peeked over at him, noticing how he’d left the top few buttons of his navy shirt open, showing a hint of chest hair. Her eyes lingered there. Biting her lip softly, she wondered just what that would feel like under her palms.

Down girl, she warned herself, puffing a breath of air over her face and trying to shift her focus onto anything other than him.

Upon arrival, Kilian had gifted the bottle of champagne upon the host (One August W. Booth, local furniture magnate and pretty skeezy in Emma’s opinion) before scooping up their own champagne flutes and observing the scene of the party in full swing.

“So,” she sighed, feeling a little awkward as she ran her free hand over the satin of her skirt and tried to think of something smart or witty to say.

“Maybe we should… mingle?” he suggested. She sighed in relief; she wasn’t quite ready to engage in solo conversation.

“I’d like that,” she smiled, taking his offered arm as they wandered into the crowd.

Up to this point, her attraction to him had been almost purely physical. But as they spent the next hour moving around the different guests and drinking just enough champagne to take the edge off her nerves, she started to see that he was really a great guy. Being one of those business-like occasions where most people don’t know each other that well, he was fantastic at putting others at ease and introducing himself (and slipping some of them a business card or two). He had the perfect combination of wit and charm that seemed to win over every woman - and man - in the room. And if she was a little proud of the envious looks some of them gave her, that was merely a bonus.

Finally, her feet began to ache and the two sought out a small table in the corner of the room.

“Wow, you really know how to work a room!”

He beamed before ducking his head a little at the compliment. “I’m generally better with people I don’t know.”

“Oh?” “I’m not the easiest man to get to know.”

Emma shrugged and took another sip from a fresh glass of champagne. “Well, it’s not like I’ve exactly tried to…”

“I noticed.”

“You did?”

“I tried to overlook the hiding from me at Ruby’s birthday bash, but by the third time you ignored me at the coffee cart, I was beginning to take the hint.” He pouted a little, his full pink lips looking so inviting that she could help but stare for a few seconds.  “Truth is, I’ve wanted to ask you out for ages.”

“You have?”

“Emma, I’ve been quite taken by you for months now.”

How was this happening? Her breathing began to quicken.

“But you were giving me very clear signals that you weren’t interested.”

“I don’t…” she began, ready to spout out her usual ‘don’t do relationships’ spiel, when she realized just how lame it sounded. “Yeah, I guess I did. But what about this-” she gestured to the party in full swing around them.

He smiled a little coyly before his gaze dropped to studying the glass in his hands. “Before I came into the office, I’d been on a call with my brother - he lives in England and you know, time differences made it past New Year there. He was quite merry and told me that it was about bloody time that I got over myself and started living a little.”

“He sounds more and more like my friend.”

Gently, he placed the glass on the small table in front of them. Looking up, his eyes flitted over her face. “Maybe we have something in common, then; people in our lives who care more than we think we deserve. I’ve spent years living in the past, Emma, using shit I couldn’t control as an excuse to not try to change. But then I spoke to Liam and then you were there and - do you believe in fate?” she shrugged, “Well I’m not sure I do either, but I figured if ever some higher power was telling me I needed to make a change, it was tonight when I saw you in the office.” Her breath caught in her throat as she absorbed his words. “And the change?”

“It was taking a chance and putting myself out there,” He edged a little closer on the loveseat upon which they sat, until their knees jostled together, “Honestly, I was fully prepared for rejection and having to begin to avoid you.”

Lashes fluttering like some paperback heroine, Emma let herself reply with a bright smile. “I’m glad you did.”

“So am I,” he whispered.

They tipped their glasses together, exchanging daring glances as they drank. The bubbles danced over her tongue the way only a really expensive champagne can. Slowly, the music around them changed from lively into something with a more mellow beat.

“Care to dance?” he asked.

“You can dance?”

“I have many talents.”

A peal of light laughter fell from her lips as she took his hand and let him lead her to where a few other couples were swaying together. He placed her arms around his neck and his own hands about her hips. The heat, the champagne and this intoxication of him made the room swirl pleasantly, tempting her to place her head on his chest, while a part of her deep inside hummed ‘this feels right’.

***

11:59 pm Failure four: Making sensible and rational decisions

The music became quieter as the minutes ticked towards midnight. The pair paused in their dance and Emma let her fingers brush against the tendrils of hair that spilled over his collar. He looked at her, his focus dancing between her eyes and lips until she thought she might burst with the tension.

“Hey, remember what you said about being spontaneous?”

“Yes,” he whispered, just as the countdown began.

This time it was her turn to focus on his lips. She knew that kissing him could be a beginning of something. It had been so long since she had felt that way about a man and that scared her. But not enough to stop.

Her fingers slipped from his hair to slide under the lapel of his thin wool jacket, hands drawing down over his shoulders and balling in the material, as she reached up on her toes. A second passed by, where their eyes met and both smiled, then there was a little jump in her stomach as she leant into him and pressed her mouth to his. Instantly, she was consumed by emotion: happiness, desire, fear- Until the simple physical motion of lips upon lips engulfed her completely, drowning out the countdown echoing around them. Her whole body tingled as he wrapped his arms around her pulled her body flush.

They fell apart to rousing shouts of ‘Happy New Year’, her fingers still tangled in his jacket, breathless and exhilarated.

“Wow,” she sighed, her senses slowly returning.

“Yeah,” he agreed. His cheeks were a captivating pink. Without thinking, she reached up her hand to brush against them.

“So, do you have any resolutions?” she whispered.

“Well, I definitely want to do that again.”

“Oh do you?” she teased.

“Yes,” he replied, his voice serious; the air around them suddenly thick-

And then it was as if the rest of the room faded away. He took hold of her hand, edging it back around his neck before crushing his mouth against hers once more.

Emma Swan was pretty sure she was drowning. Her whole body throbbed with need as she chased each motion of his lips. As first (or technically second-) kisses go, it was up there with the best; the explosive chemistry between them so palpable that the idea of not taking this further made her gut ache.

Resting her hands on his shoulders, she paused the kiss, whispering, “Follow me,” not waiting for a response before she took hold of his hand from her waist and pulled him with her towards the service area behind the bar which currently stood deserted.

“Kiss me,” she demanded, letting him push her against the wall, his hips anchoring her own in place so that she could feel his erection pressing heavily against her and making her wish that she was wearing a more forgiving skirt that would have allowed her to wrap her legs around him and seek out the friction she so wanted.

His needy lips did as she desired, desperately claiming her again: a little recklessly, certainly without restraint, almost bruising in their determination. One hand gripped her waist while the other snuck under the hem of her skirt, teasing her thigh while his lips found her neck. She let her hands thread through his hair, not caring if she mussed it up, just wanting this feeling to not end; wanting to be as close as she could to him and whatever magic spell he had placed over her.

Finally, he tipped back his head and took a few deep breaths.

“Emma, this wasn’t what I intended-” “You want to stop?” she asked, feeling slightly mortified at the idea she had entirely misread the situation.

“God, no-” he cupped her face with his hands, “I just don’t want you to think that this was my aim when I asked you to come here.”

She saw honesty in his eyes - she’d always been great at telling when someone was lying. Mary Margaret  called it her superpower. He was telling the truth.

“I don’t think that,” she smiled, “If I’m honest I don’t even know what’s happening right now,” she swallowed hard and then added, “But I do know I don’t want it to stop.”

A flash of understanding crossed his face and he tipped his face closer, “Well, maybe we need to take this elsewhere…” he let the words linger a moment between them.

“Is that car still available?”

He nodded and she became captivated for a moment by his unfairly thick lashes that curved back and further enhanced the mesmerising blue hue of his eyes.

“Then let’s go.”

***

The car ride was almost unbearable. There were too many thoughts in her mind to cope with being so close to him and not having him there and then. What was going on? What was she doing? What was he thinking?

And she was taking him back to her place.

Emma Swan did not bring men back to her own apartment - it was too intimate, it suggested she wanted more. But the invitation had fallen from her lips without hesitation and she’d given her address to the driver before she could overthink it.

Their hands rested next to each other, spanning the small gap between them. Emma counted the beats of her heart as the street lights zipped by. Then his fingers inched closer, slowly overlapping hers until he had taken hold of her hand. She looked at him, half hidden in the shadow of the dark interior, flashes of light flickering over his face.

God, she wanted to kiss him again. Waiting was such sweet torture - but she knew should she touch him like that now they would be consummating their new found chemistry on that very seat. So instead, she focused on the feel of his hands on her and let her eyes roam over his figure as he did the same. She could feel him study her decolletage and the exposed curve of her breasts thanks to Ruby’s predilection for low cut necklines.

Pulling up to the curb, she’d never been so thankful to get out of a moving vehicle, the pair tossing the driver a breezy ‘Happy New Year’ after Killian signed the chit.

Inside her apartment, she found herself once again pressed against the nearest wall, but this time with a lot less self restraint from both parties. His hungry lips tasted every exposed inch of skin as she clawed her fingers through his hair before yanking his shirt from his pants and sliding her palms up his back. He urged her hips apart and she felt the slit at the back of the skirt rip as she hiked her legs around him.

“Bed,” she demanded, tipping her head in the direction of her bedroom as they kissed their way across the living room.

After kicking open the door, Killian placed her back on the ground long enough for him to toss away his jacket and for them both to kick off their shoes. Then they were back, fused together, falling onto the bed as they pulled and tugged at each other’s clothes in a desperate search for the feel of bare skin.

The dress already ruined, she begged him, “Just tear it.”

With a guttural groan, he complied, foregoing the zip and yanking at the material until it gave way to the satisfying sound of threads splitting, leaving her in her simple underwear, as she concentrated on removing his shirt and fanning out her hands over his chest. His perfect chest, peppered with swathes of hair and just toned enough to say ‘hot’ rather than ‘gym obsessive’.

“You’re stunning,” he panted.

She palmed his hardness through his pants, earning another growl as her thighs clenched in anticipation of his generous size. “You’re not too shabby yourself.”

He yanked down the cups of her bra as she started to work on divesting him of his remaining clothes, suckling on a nipple as his hand worked the other into a firm peak, the sensation going right to her core where her body was practically begging her to take him inside.

“Shit,” she moaned as he took a second to help her with her task, before he was left gloriously nude and exposed before her - looking better than she could have imagined - so masculine and wanton with his erection jutting out proudly, demanding to be given attention. Bending forward, she reached out her tongue and ran it over his silky length, it jerked at the sensation, but before she could touch him he took hold of her wrist-

“You first,” he insisted and before she could protest he tugged down her panties, his lips once agains exploring her breasts as his fingers parted her folds and gathered the dampness that had already formed there. “Fuck Emma you’re so wet already. Such a delicious cunt.”

The unexpected language was surprisingly a huge turn on and she pulled his lips to her mouth-

“Waiting for you to fill me up, Jones.”

His fingers danced over her clit as he paused, inches from her mouth-

“So I’m Jones now, am I? Well I guess that makes you Swan.” Without ceremony, he pushed one thick finger into her quickly followed by another, her back arched from the bed until his lips muffled her moans. Inside her,  his digits found places that had her letting out breathy little moans.

“You like that, Swan?” he asked, his eyes scanning her expression as her knees flexed and she pushed her heels into the mattress, trying to ground herself from the sensation of flying into the air.

“Yes,” she cried, her hands seeking something to also anchor themselves to him, finding his ass to be just as firm and round as it had appeared in his pants. She was now so slick that his hand was gliding silkily between her legs, harder and faster- until he fell back on his haunches, giving her a searing look, before his mouth joined his hands on the assault of her sex. His tongue flicked out to swirl around her clit and over her folds until she could no longer discern his movements in the high of sensation he was creating. Her body was folding in upon itself, the muscles of her gut and core tightening and twisting as they bended to his will, his free hand massaging her breasts and then she was spiraling out of existence into the heavenly bliss of release as the tension snapped and rippled from her in waves.

“You’re glorious,” he panted, suffocating her in an all-consuming kiss that tasted of her, pulling her back to reality and fueling her desire once again.

Reaching for his cock, she ran her hand over him, imagining how he would feel inside her while he rutted into her palm. She pressed her hand against his shoulder, trying to lay him on his back so she could return the favor.

“What’s wrong?” she asked, once again worried she was misreading the whole situation.

“Nothing, love,” he replied, still pistoning his hips as he laid a kiss to her forehead, “It’s just, if I can’t be inside you right now, I think I’m going to explode.”

Oh, she wasn’t going to argue with him-

“Top drawer of the nightstand,” she whispered, sitting up to watch him as he found a condom, palming her breasts as her whole body ached in expectation. It had been so long since she had gotten to this place with a guy, and even longer with someone who she could potentially care about-

It was right then, as he turned back to her, his face deliciously wrecked, that she recognized that was just it- there was something about him, something as still intangible in addition to his more obvious assets, an attraction brewing that was more than just superficial.

She liked Killian Jones. Really. Truly.

Stunned, she let craving for him roll over her again as he crawled back across the bed to her, caging her body in with his, a look of pure want on his face.

“Swan,” he whispered, with a crooked smile.

“Jones,” she replied, widening her legs to accommodate him, wrapping her legs around his waist until she could feel the weight of him pressing against her entrance.

He sank into her heat, every solid inch more perfect than the last, pausing once he had bottomed out until she pressed her heels into his ass, urging him into a sensual rhythm.

His soft grunts and moans had her hot and bothered, writhing against him, seeking out further friction as he alternated between hard, quick thrusts and softer, rocking motions. Normally, Emma would be vocal with what she wanted in bed, but he just seemed to know instinctively how to make her body hum. She gave as good as she got, encouraging him with muttered ‘yeses’ and ‘harders’, getting lost in the moment - not trying to draw it out. Because she knew this could never be a one time thing. Instead, she chased her peak, wanting him to join her, grinding against him, foregoing technique for desperate motions that had one single purpose-

It worked. In a frenzy of movement, she found herself falling once more, this time her body was gripping his, dragging him with her into dizzying, euphoric release.

To the heavy beat of heaving hearts, he collapsed beside her.

Minutes later, his fingers tangled in her hair as she lay against his chest, truth be told she was a little too warm, but had no desire to move as she soaked in the post-coital bliss. His other arm wrapped around her shoulders and he ran his hand over the naked skin within his reach.

“Can I ask you a question?” she whispered.

“Of course,” he said, punctuating his reply with a kiss to her forehead. “Anything.”

“Why me? I mean, you could have your pick of anyone, Jones.”

“You’re beautiful,” he answered, without skipping a beat.

“Please…” she clucked, rolling her eyes.

“And, well, it was really a choice between you and the security guard tonight,” he joked.

“Not funny,” she deadpanned, though tossing him a grin that showed she knew he was joking.

“Okay,” he nodded, “Well, when we first met I could see the guarded look in your eyes. I recognized it. Not many wear it so openly, but you, sweetheart, are an open book.”

Her instinct was to rebuff that statement, but she knew it was true. “I’ve been… hurt.” she admitted, “More than once.”

“Me too,” he nodded

“So pain is attractive to you?”

“I walked right into that one, didn’t I?” He shook his head, “Not exactly, love. I guess I saw a kindred spirit in you? And though you may have tried to avoid me, you piqued my interest that day. I sought you out, tried to learn a little about you. Ms. Lucas is surprisingly chatty when she brings up the daily figures.”

“I may have asked a bit about you too.”

“Oh really?”

“Yes really, just don’t let that go to your head!”

He gave her a wicked grin in response. She sighed. That cheeky smile of his was probably going to be her downfall.

“What’s wrong?”

“Why did you have to be one of the good ones?”

“The good ones?” he asked, his brow creasing in confusion.

“You know… I’m pretty good at telling when someone is being dishonest.”

“Oh, for all you know, I’m just some dashing rapscallion, love.”

“You wish buddy.”

The pair fell silent for a moment.

“Can I kiss you again?” he asked, strangely nervously considering their current situation.

In reply, she rolled onto her front, running one hand through his hair, her eyes focusing on his mouth, until she kissed him once more.

“Mmmm,” he moaned, “I could get used to that.”

She dropped her forehead to his, her fingers drawing circles against his scalp as the reality of what this all could mean began to dawn on her.

“Killian, we work together…”

“We work for the same company, love, entirely different departments.”

“But still…” she trailed off, searching again for an out clause-

“Love, if you feel this was a mistake-”

“No,” she cried, placing a hand on his chest. “I’m just- Can we take this slow?”

The smile he gave her was a one she hadn’t seen - wide and bright, full of hope - “As you wish, my lovely Swan.”

She kissed him again, rousing them both to round number two.

***

31st December 2017

Emma Swan, 2017

32 years old

Cohabitating with a gorgeous man who loves her (and she loves him)

Still have kickass view of Boston Harbor but this time sharing her bed (and life) with aforementioned gorgeous (and amazing) guy.

Still owner of VW Bug older than she is, but better able to afford mechanic costs since…

Now owner of her very own bail bonds business.

Very, very, sickening happy, thank you very much!,

[ghostfantasyart]

How Long You Should Draw A Day To Get Better

Do you need to exercise a skill every day to get better?

How Long You Should Draw A Day To Get Better? To get better at drawing you need to dedicate at least 30 minutes a day to the habit. Realistically any amount of drawing you can do a day will improve your skill. It’s important to focus on what to draw instead of drawing in general.

Start from the beginning even if you are knowledgeable about the medium. You never know what has been forgotten. Building a drawing habit isn’t only about advancing a talent, but also how it makes you feel.

Read further how to set a drawing habit, what to cover, and how else this hobby can benefit you.

How to begin a habit

Beginning time should match your schedule

The idea of throwing your entire being into this new undertaking may float through your mind but leave it there. Look at the time that you have in a day. It’s likely everything is filed up with things that you already like to do.

Well, you are going to have to give up one of those things. To do something new you have to give up something old.

After you have decided when you can fit in drawing how much time do you have in the day to do it. Some people have some extra time while others are already squeezed tight as it is.

For those who don’t have as much time, you will have to remember the word flexible. You might not have a certain time right now, nor a certain length. Just get it in when you can.

If that means getting in five minutes with a pen and post-it notes. Do it. When you have more time for a relaxing hobby you can put in more time. There is no need to rush the experience.

As you continue to make time for drawing whether you want to make time for will be clearer. If you feel that more time is needed you will look at the other things that take up your time and see where you can make room.

How good are you at forming habits?

If this something that you want to do the first step is to develop a habit. At first, your drawings will be nowhere near what you have in your mind. You will have to deal with that to varying degrees for a while.

Get over being perfect. Don’t tell people when they ask if you can draw that you can’t even draw a stick figure. It doesn’t matter. As long as you put pencil to paper every day.

The lines will get surer and proportions will start to make sense. At first, all that you need to worry about is putting that pen to paper every day.

Some people can draw for an hour every day from the start. While others immerse themselves to judge their amateur talent by a master’s standards. Just take a deep breath and concentrate on the drawing.

Start out with 30 minutes a day, but each person is an individual. Ask yourself how much time you have per day to dedicate to drawing then go from there. 

You don’t want the new habit to feel like a duty your mindset will work against it if it views this new habit as an obligation. Try to frame as something that you are excited about and make it a relaxing venture.

Make your favorite drink to sip on while drawing and get comfortable. Framing your activity this way makes it much more enticing. The video below has some more tips for you to ensure that you will draw every day.

What you should draw to get better

Just as important as putting assign time to draw is what to draw. There are a lot of wrong ways to go about it. Just sitting in front of a blank piece of paper will just result in doodling, which doesn’t help your technique.

Those that are new to drawing or haven’t done it in a while should start at the beginning. Even if you took art classes in high school you have no idea what you have forgotten since them. It doesn’t hurt to brush up.

It’s not going to be creative at first. But don’t underestimate the feeling you get the first time a circle is shaded perfectly. Take your time and conquer every step it will help out in the long run.

If you don’t know where to begin you can check out tutorials online. A lot of drawing tutorials are floating around online, but not all of them are created equal. Look for one that gives you the basics of drawing.

Lines

Proportion

Perspective

Shape

Form

Each one of these elements builds upon each other. Rather than learning to draw one thing like a lot of tutorials out there practicing the above will help in any art project.

All art starts at lines from fashion to interior. Practice how dark or light you can make your lines. Practice cross-hatching and stippling these will come in handy later with shading.

An understanding proportion will help your drawings look realistic. It forces you to look at the object to see how all the corners and curves interact with each other to make the overall piece. Pay attention to this area, it will make your drawing future a lot easier.

Perspective adds depth to drawings with the objects in them. One point and two-point perspective are where students start on this subject. Think of perspective for city scenes even in distant landscapes.

More than circles and squares shape represents the outline of the thing being drawn. Don’t start with the minor details then outline it. To get the correct proportion you have to learn shape.

The form is when a drawing starts to look real. It’s the little details that give art depth. Shading with values or the above cross-hatching or stippling is where your drawing becomes alive. Learn the realistic method of shading to understand the exact places to place minimalistic values.

What are your intentions for this talent?

Do you want it to be a relaxing hobby that you do for yourself or do you want to take a more commercial path? Each one is a legitimate way to go. Just stick to whatever feels right for you.

How do you maintain a habit?

Keep it up every day. I know that some days it’s harder to maintain a schedule than others, but your life is never going to settle down enough for you to do it later.

For the days where it just doesn’t happen don’t beat yourself up just start again the next day. It’s ok as long as you start again.

How to advance

The simple act of doing something every day will make you better at that thing. After a while, the joy of simply being able to draw something and it looks how you want it to look wears off and you will crave more challenge.

Some people want to go in a more graphic direction and will go with Adobe Illustrator, others will drift into painting capturing more vibrant scenes.

Play with a lot of methods and tools to see what fits for you.

Realistic drawing

Non-objective

Painting

Sculpture

Why you should set a section of your time to draw even if you can’t

Something happens when you start to draw. Your concentration goes from day to day to stark black lines on white paper. Drawing is a productive activity.

Placing that white paper in front of you then producing something with your own hands with plans from your mind. It clears everything.

The simple act of drawing works as a meditative practice for those who struggle with standard forms of meditation. Instead of sitting on the floor trying to clear your mind you are using the act of creation to do it for you.

Doing this once a day especially in the morning sets the pace for the day. You will be more inclined to be in the moment of the day.

We often live lives of consumption with very little creation. No matter how small or wobbly your new creations are they are something that you have made so be proud of them.

Drawing is a simple form of creating something that didn’t exist before now breathes below you on your tablet.

The best way to set a drawing habit is to view it as a pleasurable experience and start at the basics to help when t your talent evolves. Look for quality content instead of one-off tutorials that show the user how to draw one thing one way.

If you learn the basics no matter how tedious you will know how to draw anything.

[gethealthy18-blog]

2018 Ultimate Holiday Gift Giving Guide (For Everyone on Your List!)

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2018 Ultimate Holiday Gift Giving Guide (For Everyone on Your List!)

I don’t know about you, but this time of year can be a little hectic for me! With Thanksgiving, Christmas, and several family birthdays, there is a lot to plan and a lot of gifts to wrap. We try to stick to experiences instead of stuff as much as possible (here are some of my best ideas), especially with our own kids, but also usually give one physical gift per family member.

Also, for extended family and close friends that we don’t live close enough to share experiences with, we send small gifts as well. I know it seems early, but I try to get my shopping done now so that I can savor and enjoy the holidays while knowing gifts are already wrapped!

This holiday gift guide is a compilation of the best gifts we’ve ever received and the ones that are favorites to give. As much as possible, all these gifts are eco-friendly and limit plastic whenever possible. They are also natural, organic, and health-promoting.

My Natural + Eco-Friendly Gift Giving Guide!

I’ve included my favorite gifts for every member of the family, age group, and interest level, so keep scrolling if you need ideas for a specific family member. They go in rough age order (adults down to babies) and then special interest gift ideas are below that (for the chef, the grandparents, white elephant gifts, etc).

Important: Please note that many of the links in this guide are affiliate links. This means that if you purchase through these links, the price will be the same for you and I’ll receive a small commission that helps support my blog and my family. Many thanks!

Gifts for Mom (That She Won’t Just Pretend She Loves)

As a kid, we always got my mom new kitchen gear and equipment as gifts. I remember feeling a little guilty because my brother and I got toys and fun gifts, and I always thought she got the short end of the stick just getting kitchen items that she used for us. Then, I became a mom myself and developed a love for cooking, and now I get just as excited about new kitchen essentials. This list includes some of the best practical gifts for moms, as well as some pampering and relaxing ones!

Amazon Prime Membership – Get free 2-day shipping on many items, plus free streaming music and movies.

or Real Plans Membership – My biggest time saver – this plans all of my meals and shopping lists and can handle allergies, bulk prep day and more!

Shiatsu Massage Pillow – Seriously rivals an actual massage for half the price!

Hydroflask Water Bottle – The water bottle I use that keeps water cool (or hot) for days!

Complete Facial Kit – Amazing facial oil with the highest quality ingredients and no junk!

RTIC Tumbler – Great for hot or cold drinks.

Wake-up Light Gentle Alarm Clock – Wake up gently to gradual light and sound

Himalayan Salt Lamp – Soothing warm orange glow at night from these beautiful lamps.

Blue Blocker Glasses – I wear these after dark for better sleep (some studies show that avoiding blue light after dark helps melatonin levels).

Sleep Master Sleep Mask – Great for travel – a sleep mask that is actually comfortable!

10,000 Lux Happy Light – Feel blue in the winter? I use this super-bright light to keep my cortisol levels healthy.

Anything Le Creuset – Incredible (but pricey) dishes. I’ve been collecting a few pieces over the years and resisting the urge to buy it all!

Microwaveable Slippers – Does someone you love always get cold? These slippers have microwaveable pads that stay warm.

Dry Brush – Brushing isn’t just for hair and teeth. Brushing skin can help it stay smooth, supple, and may improve collagen.

Low EMF Hair Dryer – Did you know that hairdryers produce a lot of EMFs?

French Press Coffee Maker – Make wonderful coffee with this classic method.

Instant Pot – Revolutionize dinner! This electric pressure cooker makes roasts in about an hour and turns tough cuts of meat into deliciously tender meals.

Grown-up Coloring Book and Markers – Coloring isn’t for kids anymore and studies show it may reduce stress levels. Try a “grown-up coloring book.”

Kokomo Cream Organic Deodorant – This natural deodorant smells like the tropics and lasts for months.

A good book – Just off the top of my head… maybe The Wellness Mama 5-Step Lifestyle Detox or The Wellness Mama Cookbook? 🙂 Ok, I’m biased, but it’s a great way to have all of the best recipes and health hacks on the site at your fingertips.

Blackout Curtains – Even a little light can interfere with sleep quality. We use blackout curtains to keep our room really dark.

Wine Bottle Tiki Torch – Upcycle old wine bottles with these adorable tiki-torch kits.

Gifts for Dad (No Ties or PJs on This List)

I’ve always had the most difficult time finding good gifts for the men in my life, especially my husband. He has incredibly high standards for products and prefers really high-quality items that last forever. These have been some of his favorite gifts in recent years and they might be perfect for the guys on your list too. (Also, check the lists below for more specific ideas for dads who travel a lot or who love the outdoors!)

Magnetic Wrist Band – Holds nails and screws for the handyman!

Fire Starter Kit – Useful tool to start fires without matches or a lighter.

Blue Blocking Glasses -These glasses help reduce eye fatigue from computers and reduce blue light for better sleep.

Lifestraw or Sawyer Water Filter – Survival water filter that fits in your pocket.

Comfy Slippers – My husband loves these slippers he got a couple of years ago.

Heat Proof BBQ Gloves – For the man who likes to grill, these gloves will protect his hands.

Smart Wool Socks – Warm but not sweaty and they keep feet dry. Great for hiking or everyday use.

Surefire Flashlight – High quality and super bright pocket flashlight.

Wine Aerator – Pour wine through this to improve flavor.

30-day Lantern for Camping – A really long lasting lantern for the outdoorsman who loves to camp.

Esse 3 Knife – Really high-quality multi-use knife.

Saddleback Leather Wallet – This wallet has a 100-year warranty!! (yes, really!)

Quality Shaving Kit OR Beard Oil– Great options for the clean-shaven or bearded man in your life!

RTIC Insulated Tumbler – This insulated large mug keeps things cold for up to 24 hours and hot for up to 12.

Hydroflask Insulated Water Bottle – Insulated water bottle that keeps water cold for days.

Backjoy Seat – Does your guy sit a lot? This may help improve posture and alleviate tension in the back.

Defender Phone Case or Tablet Case – Protect him from EMFs when using electronics.

Tactical Pen – More than just a pen, it works in all conditions and can break a car window if a person is trapped.

ENO Hammock – Portable hammock that fits in a small bag and is great for travel and camping.

Tactical Backpack – For the outdoorsman, this bag holds everything he could need.

Tool Pen – Available in hex and mini-tools for easy use.

Whiskey Stones – Freeze these rocks to use in place of ice in drinks “on the rocks.”

Gifts for Older Kids & Teens

My older kids have gotten harder to shop for, but these gifts all got their seal of approval!

Buddha Board – A relaxing way to paint with just water (it evaporates and you can paint again).

Leather Journal – A beautiful leather journal for sketching or journaling.

Japanese Puzzle Box – These beautiful puzzle boxes are a unique way for older kids to keep valuable items safe and fun to learn.

Rubix Cube (or Giant Rubix Cube) – The 1980s called, but we told it we are keeping the Rubix Cube. Older kids love learning to solve this.

Star Wars Legos – Popular among big kids and teens with dozens to choose from.

Build Your Own Programmable Robot Kit – A favorite with my oldest. Build a robot and program it!

Grown-Up Coloring Books – Coloring isn’t just for little kids anymore. These “adult coloring books” are very detailed and studies show that coloring is relaxing.

Boogie Board – Reusable board that encourages doodling and drawing.

Kindle Fire – An affordable tablet with a lot of capabilities.

Runaway Alarm Clock – Does your teen have trouble waking up? This alarm clock runs away and keeps making noise until caught!

Natural Makeup Brushes – If your teen is old enough to wear makeup, these natural brushes are great!

Power Cube Wall Adapter – Surge protector and charges multiple devices at once.

Collapsible Duffel Bag – Great bag for short trips that collapses to a tiny size.

Minnetonka Chrissy Boots (for teenage girls) – Super comfy boots!

Cash inside a Money Maze Puzzle Box – Give money so they can get what they like, but make it fun by hiding it inside this puzzle cube.

No Crease Ponytail Holders – These are really popular right now. They are gentle on hair and don’t leave a crease!

Travel Hammock – Have an outdoorsy teen? These travel hammocks collapse small and are awesome.

Pocket Strings Guitar – A fun way to learn guitar! Fits easily in a backpack.

Gift Ideas for Younger Kids

There are certainly the most options to choose from when looking for gifts for children, but I’ve found that many are lower-quality plastic items that break easily and release harmful endocrine disrupting chemicals into the home or that only facilitate one activity. These are a few of the gifts I’ve found in recent years that have survived the durability test of our house and that the children have enjoyed the most:

Gym 1 Indoor Doorway Gym – Our kids’ favorite Christmas gift of all time. It is a gym that mounts in a door frame and they use it every day.

Snap Circuits – Really neat kit that lets kids learn about electricity by building different types of basic machines like a fan, a radio, etc.

Art Kit – A favorite among our girls. This kit contains markers, paints, colored pencils, and more.

Seedling Wooden People kit – Kids can create mini wooden people.

Mini Trampoline for Indoor Play – We’ve had a trampoline in our house for years and it is great for cold or rainy days. Rebounding (bouncing) is also great for adults!

Wooden Twig Colored Pencils – Wooden colored pencils made from twigs. Good size for younger kids just learning to write and draw.

Wooden People and Craft Supplies – Our kids loved making their own little wooden dolls with these.

Plasma Car – Our little kids love these and they are great for kids of all sizes.

Natural Paints – Made from natural earth pigments.

Design Your Own Superhero Cape – A fun activity that encourages creativity and is great for imaginative play.

Microscope Kit – My oldest loved looking at hair, dirt, and all kind of other things in this microscope.

Crayon Rocks – Portable and fun for littles who still have trouble with regular crayons.

Or Beeswax Crayons – Triangular crayons made of natural beeswax.

Doll House – Fits Barbie size dolls and other smaller dolls.

Stainless Steel Play Kitchen Pots and Pans – My daughters play kitchen with these for hours!

Beginner Piano Keyboard (and free Hoffman Academy Lessons) – These are a great way to get the kids started with music.

Boogie Board – A reusable writing tablet that encourages creativity.

Sun Art – Fun educational craft idea that kids love.

Kendama Game – Fun interactive game that encourages movement.

Gifts for Babies (and Expecting Parents)

There are literally thousands of options for gifts for babies, but many of them contain endocrine disrupting plastics or will just never get used. With over a decade of parenting and six kids, these are the gifts, toys, and gear that made the cut for us.

Pregnancy Affirmation Cards – I love these sweet cards that encourage pregnant moms!

Organic Mattress Cover – Protect baby from mold and allergens in mattresses.

Organic Cotton Crib Sheet – Soft organic sheet for crib.

Organic Muslin Swaddling Blankets – My favorite blankets that are perfect for swaddling or nursing.

Snot Sucker – Not as gross as it sounds and a lifesaver if baby is sick!

Baby Bouncer – This bouncer actually bounces! Rock with a foot to keep baby asleep.

Food Grade Silicone Fruit Teethers – A favorite with my 9-month-old!

Hape Wooden Toys – I love these high-quality wooden toys!

Ergo Organic Baby Carrier – A great organic baby carrier that is comfortable for mom or dad too!

Sophie the Giraffe – This teething toy has a passionate following with the under-one-year crowd!

Fleece Newborn Booties – Babies always manage to lose socks, but these stay on and keep toes warm!

Manhattan Toys Rattle and Clutching Toy – Little ones love this engaging wooden toy.

Natural Rubber Orthodontic Pacifier – For babies who will take a pacifier, try this natural rubber option.

Baltic Amber Teething Necklace – May help soothe teething pain.

Manhattan Toys Circle Toy – A beautiful and fun toy that baby love to play with.

Natural Rubber Teething Toy – The only toy my baby prefers to my finger when teething gets bad.

Organic Cotton Teether – An organic cotton and wood teething toy option.

Shea Moisture Baby Wash and Lotion – Fabulous smelling baby wash and lotion without the junk!

Animalz Wooden Animal Toys – Adorable and durable wooden animal toys.

Gifts for the Chef or Foodie

Does someone in your life love to cook (or eat)? These gifts make spending time in the kitchen so much fun!

Stainless Steel Coffee Percolator – No plastic, no junk, just awesome coffee that stays warm for hours in this all-stainless percolator.

Blendtec or Vitamix – both are amazing blenders that will last for years!

Stainless Steel Immersion Blender – Great for sauces, smoothies, blending things in a pot or pan and so much more.

Yogurt Maker – Homemade yogurt tastes so much better than store bought and is simple to make.

Ice Cream Maker – Make any kind of ice cream: dairy-free, sugar-free, etc.

Lead-free Crock Pot – A great slow cooker with a lead-free crock.

Instant Pot – This electric pressure cooker has almost replaced our slow cooker and I use it at least three times a week.

Crinkle Cutter – So the kids can help cut food for meals.

Stainless Steel Bowls – Great for mixing, serving, and storage.

Spiral Slicer – Make vegetables into noodles with this spiral slicer.

Stainless Steel Straws – Replace disposable straws forever with these steel straws.

Huck Towels – Similar to the towels they use in emergency rooms… these towels are super absorbent, great for cleaning and easy to wash.

Mason Jars + Cuppow Lids + Sprouting Lids – Use mason jars for cups and the opportunities are endless.

Kombucha Brewing Supplies – Do you drink kombucha? If so, do you make your own? It is so much better and the flavors are endless.

Dehydrator – Preserve foods with a stainless steel dehydrator.

Xtrema Cookware – Scratch-proof ceramic pans.

Bamboo Utensils – These inexpensive bamboo utensils are great for cooking.

Stainless Steel Large Baking Dish – These have been a lifesaver when cooking for large get-togethers with family and friends.

Glass Electric Tea Kettle – Make tea in seconds with this glass electric tea kettle.

Salt Block for Cooking – I love cooking fish, meat and even baked goods on a salt block for amazing flavor.

Premium Milk Frother – If you want to spring for an unusual (and more pricey) gift, this milk frother makes coffee shop worthy froth for coffee.

Organic Spice Set – These super high-quality organic spices (from my favorite olive oil makers) are beautifully packaged and come in ready-made blends like Smoky, Tex-Mex, Savory, Taco, Bagel, and more to make flavorful cooking easy.

Gift Ideas for the Grandparents

Our parents both live nearby and are involved in our kids’ lives. I always struggle with what to get them that somehow says “thanks for everything you did for me all of those years and thanks for being just as awesome with my kids.” We usually give them something handmade from the grandkids, but these are some other ideas that have been a hit. (Some of these are also ideas for this year, so Mom, if you’re reading this … don’t read past here. 😉 )

Amazon Prime Membership – What my parents are getting this year (don’t tell them!). This gives them free 2-day shipping on many items and free streaming of many movie and music.

Photo Frame – This photo frame was a hit a few years ago with our parents. No fancy motion detectors, wi-fi, bluetooth or anything else that can stop working.

Kindle Fire – My brother got my mom a Kindle a couple of years ago and she uses it quite a bit.

Terracotta Plant Waterer – Perhaps not the most fancy of gifts, but very practical for anyone with house plants (I just ordered some). It upcycles a glass bottle to water a plant for weeks.

Wine Subscription – If your parents are wine-drinkers, they will love this wine subscription box of organic biodynamic wines.

Royally Flawless Face Oil – Ditch all the overpriced anti-aging creams out there. This oil uses high-quality ingredients for real results.

Shiatsu Massage Pillow – I got this for my mom last Christmas and she uses it all the time.

Glass Electric Tea Kettle – For tea-drinkers, this electric glass tea kettle makes tea available almost on demand.

Instant Pot – The grandparents love it for all the reasons we love it- faster and more nutritious meals!

The Grandparent Book Journal – A sweet way to encourage kids and grandparents to spend time together and a beautiful keepsake of family history.

Or anything on the lists above that they will love!

“Just in Case” Gifts

These inexpensive gifts are great to have on hand for when someone drops by with a gift or to take to party hosts. I keep several of these wrapped to give when someone brings a gift by unexpectedly:

Electric Wine Bottle Opener – A fun way to open up a bottle of wine.

RTIC Tumbler – Great for keeping drinks hot or cold while on the go.

Bottle of Wine – We have a subscription to these delicious biodynamic wines, so I always have an extra bottle on hand.

Grocery Bag Carrying Handles – They make carrying all those bags of groceries a lot easier!

Bag of Organic Coffee – Who doesn’t love coffee, especially when it’s organic and fair trade?

Hario Mizudashi Cold Brew Iced Coffee Pot/Maker – I’m a big fan of cold brew coffee and this is a great way to make it.

Car Diffuser – Keep the car smelling great all year long!

Mason Jar Solar Light – Add some beautiful ambiance to any room with these solar lights.

Mason Jar with Drinking Lid – Ditch the plastic and drink out of old-school mason jars!

Funny Gifts for Dirty Santa and Gift Exchanges

These are some of my favorite funny gift ideas for dirty santa or white elephant gift exchanges. Sure to get lots of laughs!

Toilet Light – For those night time bathroom trips.

Nap Sack Prank Box – Take a nap anywhere with this hood.

Prank Pack Crib Dribbler – A fun prank for baby someone with a baby.

iDrive Prank Pack – This is just hilarious!

“You Parked Like An Idiot” Cards – I think my husband would actually use these!

Slipper Genie Mopping Slipper – This might actually get my kids to help sweep the floor more often.

The Obsessive Chef Cutting Board – For the OCD chef.

Pooping Pooch Calendar – Yep, it’s exactly what you picture… perfect (or awful?!) for the dog lover in your family!

Banana Slicer – If you’re going to eat bananas, why not slice it correctly?

Cards Against Humanity – These are incredibly irreverent, but will have you on the floor laughing for hours.

Maybe Swearing Will Help Coloring Book and Markers – For the potty mouth (or clean mouth?) in your life 🙂

Family Gifts & Outdoor Fun Gifts

If you’re like us and often choose family gifts that the whole family can enjoy (or enjoy better health because of), you might love these options. This list also includes outdoor activity gifts that we use and love.

Sauna – This is one gift that will have long-lasting health benefits. It isn’t an inexpensive gift, but one that family can enjoy all year.

Joovv Light – Like the sauna, this gift also brings the benefit of boosting health. Red light therapy is well-studied for its skin and mitochondria benefits and this is one of my favorite parts of my daily routine.

Rapid Release – Like a chiropractor and a massage therapist built into one. This device is designed to release muscle tension and it works! I love this thing.

Myobuddy – A percussive heated massager that targets muscle and fascia. A lot of people use this for cellulite, I just use it for relaxation and fascia massage.

Wholetones Music Subscription – Uses soothing music with targeted sound frequencies to induce health benefits like stress reduction, focus, sleep… and yes, it works even for kids! I love this one too because it isn’t a physical item to store around the house.

Organic & Natural Mattresses – This was our gift to each other one year and we love our mattress. We have an Intellibed and love it, but My Green Mattress is also a great option and not as pricey.

Natural Cookware – I got some of this cookware for Christmas years ago and have been using it since then!

Matching Organic Jammies –  Switching to organic PJs is one way to reduce chemical exposure from clothing by half and these organic jammies are our favorites.

A Year of Wine – I love wine, but most wine is contaminated with chemicals and additives. Hubby and I give each other natural wine from Dry Farm Wines.

Trampoline – Not just for kids when you consider the lymphatic benefits of jumping!

Swing – Our kids love this backyard swing and they can all fit on it!

Slackline – Like a balance beam and trampoline in one. It encourages balance and coordinating and is hours of fun.

Ninjaline – Like monkey bars but tougher. A lot of people use these for Ninja Warrior training, but our kids just think it is fun!

Natural Beauty & Home Gifts (Ones to Buy or DIY)

Home & Beauty to DIY

I love receiving homemade gifts and making them for others. I have hundreds of DIY recipes and tutorials on the blog, but the ones on this list make the best gifts. These are especially perfect for stocking stuffers!

Home & Beauty to Buy

If you aren’t into the DIY options, here are some great store-bought alternatives:

Lotion Bars – If you’d like lotion bars similar to my recipes, but that you don’t have to make yourself, check out Made On, a small, family-owned company that makes all kinds of lotion bars, soaps, natural baby products, and hair products that are up to my standards. If you use the code WELLNESSMAMA, you’ll get a 15% discount on your order!

Alitura Skincare – Alitura uses organic botanicals and superfood ingredients to nourish the skin. This is serious skincare with the works: clay masks, intensive moisturizers, derma rollers, and more. Use the code WELLNESS for 20% off!

Toups Organics (Makeup & Beauty) – Heather of Mommypotamus introduced me to this line and they have an incredible line of clean cosmetics, lotions, and even a baking-soda free deodorant for sensitive types.

Crunchy Betty Facial Serum & Natural Deodorant: Mentioned before, but I can’t say enough about them.

Branch Basics Cleaners – I know I’d be happy to find some all-natural cleaning products (I don’t have to make) under the Christmas tree.

Vibrant Blue Oils – Wildcrafted and organic essential oil blends made to support specific health conditions. Use the code WELLNESSMAMA10 to get 10% off through December 31st.

Magnesium Oil – Spray on for relaxation, detox support, even deodorant!

Homebiotic Spray – Like a probiotic for your home, this freshens air by targeting the source of bad smells… bacteria and mold.

Genexa OTC Medicines – So much of what goes in children’s medicine is just flavors, dyes, preservatives, and fillers. Genexa is the first to come up with a line of over the counter and homeopathic medications completely free of all unnecessary additives. I give these to my kids for colds, coughs, fevers, or even just a bad night of sleep, and they’ve worked great for us.

Kid-Safe Essential Oil Roll-Ons – For sleep, headaches, cold relief, and more, without having to worry about negative side effects.

There’s probably a lot more that could be added to this list, but these are my current favorites. If you still haven’t found the perfect gift on this list, Heather shares all of her favorite natural gifts here.

What is on your Christmas list this year? What are you getting for friends and family?

Source: https://wellnessmama.com/25195/gift-giving-guide/

[jeremystrele]

The Tools I Use · Jeffrey Phillips, Illustrator

The Tools I Use · Jeffrey Phillips, Illustrator

The Tools I Use

by Sally Tabart

Photo – Amelia Stanwix. Styling – Ashley Simonetto.

Photo – Amelia Stanwix. Styling – Ashley Simonetto.

Photo – Amelia Stanwix. Styling – Ashley Simonetto.

Jeffrey Phillips (aka Jeff the Peff) in his Collingwood studio. Photo – Amelia Stanwix. Styling – Ashley Simonetto.

Photo – Amelia Stanwix. Styling – Ashley Simonetto.

Jeffrey Phillips (aka Jeff the Peff) entered the professional illustration game in his mid-20s, although he’s been drawing ever since his family relocated from India to Australia when he was a young teenager. Back then, he drew to observe the new sites he found himself surrounded by.

It was only in his 20s that Jeff enrolled in a Design and Multimedia course. Now a full-time freelancer, Jeff’s clients include organisations like Aesop, Facebook Australia, Ernst & Young, MYOB Australia, Studio Round and yes, even The Design Files. We asked Jeff to take us through his go-to tools.

The tools i use · Jeffrey Phillips

1. Noodler’s Bulletproof Black Fountain Pen Ink

This is a handcrafted black ink that is archival, fade resistant and water resistant when dry. It is pretty rare to have a waterproof fountain pen ink, so these are quite highly prized and can occasionally become sold out. I keep a bit of a stash to last me through dry times.

I think it’s good to be consistent with the type of ink, especially when you are combining different pens. Different inks fade in different ways. Some fade to a bluish black, others go a bit brown. So if you aren’t consistent, the drawings can start to look a bit funky as they age.

Find it here. 

2. Pentel Water Brush

There are loads of brands and styles out there, with different sized tips and so on. Both of mine are filled with water, but the grey one also has a few drops of black fountain pen ink for a nice grey wash.

Find it here. 

3. Daler-Rowney Ivory Sketchbooks

These tick every box for me. The hard-cover is great for support, the pages are perforated for easy removal, they have a lovely ivory colour and work really well with my pens and inks. I often try other sketchbooks but these are my mainstay. Unfortunately completely unavailable in Australia, but you can find them on eBay.

Find it here. 

4. Namiki Fountain Pen

This one has a 14k gold nib (fancy!) which has a nice amount of flex for creating variable line widths. Gold nibs are great. They give your lines a wonderful wobbly character! Also means you can swap five pens of different widths for a single one.

The Namiki Falcon is a very delicate pen and so probably not recommended for beginners or if you don’t use fountain pens regularly. An ill-timed bump or wrong move will probably permanently ruin the tip. So it can be stressful to use but the lines are AMAZING and worth it. Here it is in action.

Find it here. 

5. Lamy Fountain Pen with an EF Nib

This is my main drawing pen. It’s a no bullshit, reliable and versatile pen that has given me years of great drawings. It’s much easier and safer to use than the Namiki Falcon. A great beginner pen actually. I originally meant to get the yellow one and accidentally bought the neon-yellow – but what are you gonna do? I had a second one as a backup but lost it on the NYC Subway. I wonder what it’s up to now. It’s funny when you lose the backup and not the thing you wanted to back up. Here it is in action.

Find it here. 

6. Pentel Pocket Brush Pen

This pen must be one of the worlds most popular black ink brush pens. Every illustrator I see on Instagram seems to have one. Even though the black ink cartridges it comes with are great, I have replaced the ink in them with my standard Noodler’s black for consistency. Here it is in action.

Find it here. 

7. iPad

I have the 12.9inch iPad Pro second gen. The second-gen version has a slightly higher screen refresh rate than the first gen. If that makes a difference to you. I don’t know if I can tell! It also has 256gb of Memory – I heard that the higher memory allows you to run larger files without impacting performance.

I use it with the Apple Pencil which is great – except the lightning port you charge it from is the same one that the iPad also uses. So god help you if both are flat.

Find it here. 

Photo – Amelia Stanwix. Styling – Ashley Simonetto.

Jeff’s TOP shops, Apps and Tips

Favourite apps related to your practice?

AstroPad Studio – an app that effectively turns your iPad Pro into a Wacom-Style Cintiq tablet, allowing you to draw in Adobe Photoshop on the iPad. At $117AUD per year, it’s not the cheapest app but in terms of the time it saves me it’s worth it.

Best place to shop for gear?

Jetpens for pens and inks. They have almost anything pen-related you can imagine, including great reviews and handy guides.

Most visited websites?

Dropbox, because good backups are life. About a year ago I decided to sync all my working files and folders with Dropbox. It took a couple of weeks to finish uploading but it’s been the best thing I ever did – it syncs everything across multiple locations and keeps previous versions of all files, too. I can generate a link to any file at any time from any device. I also have an external HDD backup just in case.

Xero has changed my life. Having an easy and intuitive accounting system has freed me up to focus on the fun stuff. If I wasn’t using something like Xero, I’d be mentioning Microsoft Excel instead and not in a positive way.

Reddit – fun to browse, but the worst when you have deadlines.

Ozbargain Forums, where people find and share bargains basically – pricing errors, specials, voucher codes etc. and they get voted up/down depending on whether it’s a good deal. It’s really handy to check when you’re shopping around for something. And when you are procrastinating…

Inspiring reference books?

The Personal MBA by Josh Kaufman is hands down the best book I have read about running any kind of practice. It’s very agnostic in terms of what ‘business’ means to the reader, so you bring your own agenda to it and come away with loads of good stuff.

What do you listen to when you work?

Spotify is always on. Otherwise I’m listening to podcasts. I enjoy streaming WNYC, Radio Melbourne, The Economist, or Design Matters with Debbie Millman.

What’s something you wish you’d known before you learnt it the hard way?

Your environment shapes your behaviour in mysterious yet significant ways. Having known the 9-5 grind before starting out as an illustrator, I thought working from home would be the Shang-ri-la of working lifestyles… Hell no!

Even though I had a separate room set up as my work space, I would find myself keeping extremely odd hours, seemingly always in PJ’s, not leaving the house for days, and always feeling guilty that I wasn’t doing enough work.

Now I have a hired a studio space, so I’m required to get up, get dressed and leave the house. It means I get physical activity, social interaction and a dedicated space for work. When I leave that space, it’s play time!

I think this delineation is very important for people who do something for work that they also find fun or pleasurable. The conventional boundaries are blurred, so you need to work out where the line is. Inevitably, it will be different for each person and situation.

Catch Jeff on Instagram, and check out his personal and professional illustration work via his website. 

[freya21louiseeee-blog]

Out Here, In The Field. Workshop

The aim of this workshop make planned illustrations based on field observations and photographic references using our view finders to create an A4 comic book page made up of at least three panels. The final outcome is to build a non sexual group comic book using pages made by all of my peers.

Tools:

0.5 - 0.8 Fineliner

Pencil (light to heavy)

Cardboard/Scalpel/Scissors

Brush or Brush pen

Paper

Black Ink

I began by making my view finder using cardboard and a scalpel to create the panels for my comic page in which I took photos and drew from. Below is my View finder followed by some pictures I took using it...

I found the view finder very useful as it sectioned off different points so it makes it easier to draw from, below are some of the drawings I attempted from the photographs. I liked using the view finder because it helped me see how the comics will come together it helped me focus my field of vision and allowed me to scrutinise the world around me. To start me off I began using my view finder around the college, over easter I will start taking more interesting images to work from and draw using my view finder. These images will be of objects, people and landscapes. 

Working The Recorded Panel

Using photoshop I copied and pasted other panels into one image to create a collage, this make it easier for me to draw from instead of having multiple references. 

As you can see from my drawings I aim for more of an industrial, linear look. This is a style I believe works best for me when working from pictures as I want to keep my panels simple but effective similar to the work of Sam Elston. I plan to use more shading and detail when working on my development, I also want to incoperate a better sense of tonal value within the black and grey I am using. This may mean exploring new medias such as ink or crayon, I feel using various medias will give my drawings texture therefore grabbing the viewers attention over just using biro and pencil.

As mentioned in my Katsushika Hokusai research I plan to give this task more meaning by venturing out and looking for better images to use, I feel this will make this task more exciting as I feel so far its been quite dull as a result of the photos I had taken. 

After researching Aiden Koch this has also given me the idea to apply what I learnt whilst researching Gestalt theory, by layering my work and the basic principles of how I will lay this out as it will give direction and meaning to my work. Below are a few outcomes I tried applying all the knowledge I have learnt from researching my chosen artists. 

Since one of the main things I added to my comfort zone was being a perfectionist, I decided to stick with the original images and use the images I had already taken. Rather than just using the images in a basic way I applied the knowledge I've learnt.

To add more creativity to my comic I used the pointing finger which I previously used in our project “Post up” I felt since both projects are under the same over hanging project it would be good to try and incorporate a small part of each task to help link everything together. In regards to my drawings I scanned them in and left on the binder to add more of an industrial look.

To really make my comic stand out I had a play with cutting out shapes and playing with how this could be presented back, this idea came to me after looking at the work of Aidan Koch and my knowledge of Gestalt theory adding a sense of direction and layering to the comic. For the last touches I added the word “ROTATE” this was added because I feel again it adds to how I have already presented the comic using the cut outs. 

Overall I am very happy with the outcome, I am pleased I managed to step out of my comfort zone and go with my ideas rather than back tracking as soon as I didn't like it. I feel I have used my research and knowledge appropriately to help enhance the comic to the best standard I could. 

If I were to do this task again I would of to have like to add a small hint of colour, maybe a watercolour wash and possibly bolden the lines to enhance the images more.