#and by 'it' i mean the outbreak of war in which they are falling on separate sides who would have guessed in a fe3h based game

[atomatowriter]

The line between naivety and hopefulness Is almost invisible So close your heart, The world is dark, and...

[vexwerewolf]

I’m suddenly getting swathes of Lancer hate across my feed… Has something happened in the fandom? “Union is ______ how could they paint them as even remotely good. They allow _____, and I hate the devs they are ______. The whole thing is just 40k with communist veneer”.

Like am I taking crazy pills…? I thought that all of the problems were literally like right there on the tin “we are a utopia in progress! We will obtain it by any means possible even if it means being everything we say we are not/fighting against. As the player you decide what is right. How much will you ignore for someone else’s idea of utopia?” Like doesn’t it mean all the tools to actually change are there and that is the HOPE aspect of all of this?

(Sorry if this in incoherent grammar is a weak point and I pulled something in my back simply standing up. Now I am sad and crook backed in spasmodic pain)

This isn't an argument I feel super enthusiastic about stepping into, because it gets the most annoying sort of people in your mentions eager to maliciously misrepresent what you say.

However, yeah, there are some pretty terrible readings of Union floating around. I'd invoke "media literacy" because think that a lot of this comes from people not really holistically engaging with the fictional future history of Lancer, but also from a sort of dogmatic purism that requires future societies to be flawless, else they're irredeemable.

It is important to note that ThirdComm is the direct descendant of two highly imperfect societies. FirstComm was formed as a response to the Three Great Traumas of discovering the Massif Vaults (and thus that they were the inheritors of a fallen world), the wars over the Massif Vaults, and the discovery of the lost colonies, all of which collectively showed humanity how close it had come to total extinction.

FirstComm decided that it had a responsibility to ensure that humanity never risked extinction again. It manifested this by trying to colonize every habitable planet it could find, pumping out ship after ship to seed the cosmos with as much human life as it possibly could. This led to problems when it encountered civilizations like the Karrakin Federation and the Aun, who had been carrying humanity's torch just fine by themselves, thank you very much.

SecComm was an Anthrochauvinist fascist state. The book defines it thusly:

We can see a lot of Anthrochauvinist historical romanticism in the mech naming schemes of Harrison Armory, SSC and IPS-N - the fact that Harrison Armory names its mechs after great military leaders of pre-Fall Earth history, IPS-N does the same with naval figures, and SSC uses the names of Earth animals. Even the GMS Everest is named for a mountain on Earth. It's very Cradle-centric.

Anthrochauvinism was, to be clear, largely just an excuse for colonialism and hegemony. Atrocities could easily be justified under by stating that whoever they're being committed against were a threat to the Continuance of Humanity - a term that SecComm got to define.

It's also at this point that we have to zoom in from broad sociopolitical points to address one very specific piece of history: the New Prosperity Agreement. This was signed to prevent the outbreak of a Second Union-Karrakin War, and mandated that the Karrakin Houses would maintain privileged levels of autonomy within Union, and that they would be granted colonial rights to the entire Dawnline Shore. This agreement, struck in 3007u, basically defines much of the current political situation today.

ThirdComm was a final and inevitable reaction to the atrocities, abuses and excesses of SecComm. The unspeakable horrors of Hercynia were the spark, but I need to stress how little Hercynia actually mattered in the larger Revolution - at the start of NRfaW, it's explicitly stated that almost nobody in the galaxy even knows where it is, let alone what happened there. The Revolution was a generalized response to SecComm's tyranny, with no single rallying cry.

The Revolution might also have failed entirely, but for a critical error by Harrison Armory: pissing off the Karrakin Trade Baronies. After getting kicked off Cradle, the Anthrochauvinist Party organised a fleet at Ras Shamra to try and retake Cradle. Simultaneously, however, they were attempting to secure protectorate agreements to steal worlds in the Dawnline Shore out from under the KTB. Putting these two together and making five, the KTB assumed that the fleet was pointed at Karrakis, and started the First Interest War.

The First Interest War initially favoured the KTB. They smashed the fleet above Ras Shamra and simultaneously conquered the moon of Creighton in the Dawnline Shore. However, they underestimated just how ruthless Harrison I was - he "retook" Creighton by relativistic bombardment, and then conquered four of the 12 worlds of the Dawnline Shore with mechanised chassis, a technology the KTB had not adopted and had no counter for.

To prevent further loss of life, Union was eventually forced to broker a peace agreement that saw Harrison I handing himself over to Union justice in return for Harrison Armory's continued sovereignty, and the KTB joining Union as a full member state.

So, with that historical context out of the way, let me get to the second part of this absurd essay I'm writing.

Third Committee Union isn't a civilization that arose from whole cloth. It's shaped by five thousand years of Union history, six thousand years of post-Fall history, and six thousand years of pre-Fall history before that. It is, ultimately, an extremely well-thought-out and well-worldbuilt fictional polity, in that all of its imperfections come from traceable root causes in its history.

Why does ThirdComm permit the abuses of the KTB? Because to stop them, it would likely have to go to war, and such a war would butcher billions. Worse, to do so, it would probably have to ally with Harrison Armory and make horrific concessions.

Why does ThirdComm permit the expansionism and cryptochauvinism of the Armory? Because to stop them, it would likely have to go to war, and such a war would butcher billions. Worse, to do so, it would probably have to ally with the KTB and make horrific concessions.

Nobody in CentComm likes that Harrison Armory are empire-building expansionists. Nobody in CentComm likes that the KTB has a hereditary nobility and enforces blockades against planets that rebel against it. The problem is that ThirdComm is, in historical terms, still relatively new. They've been around five hundred years, and compared to the 1600 years that SecComm was around and the 2800 years FirstComm existed for, that's not very much.

ThirdComm is attempting to decouple itself from the Cradle-first politics of its predecessor, and to amend the many, many atrocities committed in the name of Humanity. It is not easy to do any of these things. SecComm was defined almost entirely by the fact that if it didn't like what you were doing, it would send in the military as a first response. Every time ThirdComm chooses to do the same, its legitimacy erodes, because the mission of ThirdComm is to prove that diverse, vibrant and compassionate human civilization can exist without devolving into war and bloodshed. ThirdComm always tries diplomacy as a first response because if it doesn't, millions of people could die.

[pupbeat]

the poll is to catch attention, I was reached out to personally to come up with any way to create some sort of poll to catch your eye and get you to listen, so please take time to listen, donate, and share, hopefully all three.

Match my donation of 5 Euros, if you see this and have the means, and I'll sketch something for you!

Anything at all helps!

A direct copy paste from Shorouq's own post:

I am Shorouq, a mother of three children: Qusai, 7 years old, Eileen, 5 years old, and Hisham, who is nearing his second birthday. I lived with my husband Samer in a beautiful home in northern Gaza, where our lives were filled with hope. Every corner of our home held precious memories, from our children’s laughter to the happy moments we shared as a family. But over a year ago, everything changed. The dream we built turned into an endless nightmare. We lost everything, and our journey of suffering and displacement began.

Donate to Shorouq’s Story: A Mother’s Cry from the Heart of War, organized by Shorouq Eldrimly

I am Shorouq, a mother of three children: Qusai, 7 years old, E… Shorouq Eldrimly needs your support for Shorouq’s Story: A Mother’s Cry fro

gofundme.com

On the night of October 10, 2023, after I had put my children to bed, the bombing grew closer. At exactly 1:30 AM, the threat came. We had to leave our home immediately. There was no time to think, no time to gather anything. We carried our children and fled into the dark, not knowing where to go, just trying to survive the relentless bombing. Our home, which was once our safe haven, was partially destroyed and became uninhabitable. Along with it, all the beautiful memories we made were gone. We left with no food, no extra clothes, and none of the basic necessities for our children.

We moved around for two weeks inside Gaza City, being displaced twice during that time, until we finally reached Rafah on October 20, 2023. There, a new chapter of our suffering began. We had no choice but to live in a small tent. As a mother, the hardest thing was seeing my children hungry and not being able to provide for them. No clean water 💧 , no food to sustain them, and the cold wrapping around their small bodies.

My son Qusai has had a heart condition since birth, requiring several surgeries. In these circumstances, we can’t access the medical 🏥 care he needs, not even basic medicine. Every time I see him in pain, my heart breaks. How can I, as a mother, not provide safety and treatment for my child?

My daughter Eileen, only five years old, has been deeply affected by the war. She was once a joyful and lively child, but now fear has taken over her small face. She no longer laughs like she used to, and she no longer dreams of the future. The war has stolen her childhood.

On October 5, 2023, we were threatened again and forced to flee from Rafah to Deir al-Balah. This was our fifth displacement. We stayed there for two months, but even Deir al-Balah wasn’t safe. Once again, we packed our few belongings and headed to the town of Zawaida.

My youngest son, Hisham, who hasn’t yet turned two, is suffering from malnutrition. I cannot describe the feeling of looking at my baby, knowing he is hungry and not being able to provide him with the proper food. Prices for basic needs have skyrocketed, with even diapers costing $100. We were also living in constant fear of the polio outbreak, which was declared by the World Health Organization . This added another layer of terror for us as a family, fearing for our children’s health, but thankfully, we managed to get them vaccinated just in time.

For the second year in a row, my children have not been able to attend school 🏫 . No education no clear future. As a mother, I feel helpless, unable to give them the hope they deserve.

We now live in a small tent ⛺️ where everything is cramped into one tiny space. The bathroom, 🚽 kitchen, and sleeping 🛌 area are all in one room. The war rages on, and we live between fear, hunger, and the cold.

Today, I ask for your help. As a mother, all I want is to take my children to a safe place, where they can enjoy their childhood without fear or hunger. We need your support, as the cost of travel alone is $5,000 per person for me and my husband, and $2,500 for each of our three children, bringing the total to $17,500, just to cover the expenses required by travel companies to get us to safety.

Donate to Shorouq’s Story: A Mother’s Cry from the Heart of War, organised by Shorouq Eldrimly

I am Shorouq, a mother of three children: Qusai, 7 years old, E… Shorouq Eldrimly needs your support for Shorouq’s Story: A Mother’s Cry fro

gofundme.com

In addition to this, we need ongoing support to start a new life. We need your help to rent a home, continue my son Qusai’s medical treatment, and enroll my children in school so they can resume their education. My husband and I need the means to stand on our feet again, to rebuild our lives and give our children the future they deserve.

Please support us in this campaign so we can escape this suffering and provide a dignified life for my children, far from the destruction.

Help us give my children a chance at a new life.

Note our campaign vetted by

Verification source: number 196 on users el-shab-hussein and nabulsi's master list

Attached are the verification links for the old account from the supporters.

Link vetted by @fairuzfan

Link vetted by @sar-soor

Link vetted by @ibtisams

Link vetted by @el-shab-hussein

✅️Vetted by @gazavetters, my number verified on the list is ( #240 )✅️

My approved number by the families in need and endorsed by the supervisors is 196."

[lonely-ey3s]

With All My Love (joel miller x f!reader, no outbreak): Chpt 2

Chapter Two: A Dramamine Would Be Nice

Word count: 10.2k

Chapter Summary: You get notice of your deployment which creates some anxieties, but allows you to reach out to Joel about it. You and Joel continue to write back and forth, surprising each other with little details, each opening up to another more and more. With each letter you both write to each other, the more the both of you start to realize how much you both mean to each other, as well as how much happier now that you are in each other's lives. 

Chapter warnings: switched POV, mentions of death, mentions of vomiting, flying in a military aircraft, mentions of blood and combat injuries, mutual pining, slight flirting? (our babies are a little out of practice), anxiety, feelings of being alone/isolated, panic attack(s), fluff, if I missed anything I apologize but those are the major ones. 

A/N: oh my gosh thank you for all the love and support you've shown me with chapter one. i did not expect so much response back and it's given me such motivation to keep writing and also blossomed so many ideas for chapters to come. i am super excited for ya'll to read the rest of this series, it's something that i am enjoying so much writing and sharing with you all <3

Banners by: @saradika-graphics

Main Masterlist  

Reader’s POV

Two days later

You were right, no more than 48 hours after you graduated you and Maria received your deployment assignments. You would fly out to Afghanistan the following morning at 0300 hours. 

It all started to set in, the potential of you not coming back. You knew what you were getting into before enlisting, and you knew how grueling the war was, but it didn’t seep into your brain until now. You knew that being a medic would put you right in the line of fire as that is what you were trained to do, get those wounded out of the area, and treated with as much speed and safety as you could guarantee. What you didn’t think about was if you were to die, who would they alert? No one, right? 

You were packing up your duffle with what you needed when you felt the weight of that question drop down on you like a ton of bricks. Your heart rate sped up, the color seemed to disappear from your face and as you were packing a pair of socks, you realized your hand starting to shake. You then got a wave of nausea, and before you knew it, felt your dinner coming up. You ran to the toilet, throwing up what little dinner you had this evening. 

“Whoa, you good?” Maria followed behind and knelt behind you, laying a hand on your back. 

You coughed and then threw up once more, this time more violently, back arching, knuckles white from your grasp on the toilet, back and neck drenched with sweat. 

“There ya go, get it out.” Maria stood and grabbed your water bottle from your nightstand before returning again behind you. “Here, take a sip…” she handed you the bottle. 

You wiped your mouth with the back of your hand and then took the bottle and took a small sip. You sat back, falling with your back against the wall, head arched upwards, eyes shut tightly, your breathing unsteady and fast. You put your hand over your heart and gripped your shirt, trying to ground yourself. “Fuck…”

Maria spoke softly, “Breathe in through your nose, out through your mouth…” and placed a hand on your knee to comfort you. 

You opened your eyes and looked at her, she nodded and kept eye contact, then proceeded to breathe in through her nose slowly, which you mimicked. She counted to 3 with her fingers and then slowly exhaled through her mouth, which you of course followed suit. 

“Again…” you both did it again and then she lightly squeezed your leg, “You aren’t alone. I know what’s going through your head and you aren’t alone. Anything happens, I’ve got you and you got me, right?” she moved her head closer as you dropped your head to catch your gaze again.

You nodded and swallowed the lump in your throat, “Right. We got each other.” you said letting out a slow exhale once more.

She nodded and then lightly squeezed your knee, “Come on, we gotta finish packing, we have an early morning.” she stood and offered her hand to help you to your feet. 

You grabbed her hand and stood, taking a second and then tilting your neck upwards and rolling it side to side, shaking your hands out to do what you could to get out which you could only assume was a lot of anxiety while she walked away. 

Maria went back to her duffle to finish what she had left to pack. You took another sip of your water and then flushed the toilet and walked back to your duffle bag. 

You looked at the clock, ‘18:37’. 

You looked over at Maria and she had already packed all her things and got into bed. She was someone that needed a full 8 hours of sleep if she could help it.

“Mind if I keep the desk lamp on while I wrap up a few things?” you asked as you folded up the rest of your socks, stuffing them deep in the bag. 

“No, you’re good, thanks for asking.” She tucked her head under the sheets and turned away from the light. 

You moved your pillow to untuck your sheets when you saw Joel’s letter and pictures neatly tucked under it. You smiled softly and let out a breath, his smile was something that brought you comfort lately. You sat on the edge of the bed and studied the photo for a moment then looked at the clock again before getting up and sitting down at your desk and pulling out your notebook and pen. Mail day was coincidentally tomorrow and you felt it was something short of fate as you hadn’t yet sent your other letter, but also, you didn’t know when the next time you’d be able to send him another letter. With that thought gnawing at you, you just started writing:

‘Joel, June 4, 2014

Call yourself lucky, you’re getting two letters this round. The first was a reply back to your letter, this one well, it's just going to be a bit of a ramble or dump of information to what I hope we can call each other a confidant. 

To cut to the chase, we got our deployment assignment. 

It’s setting in that it’s all happening. I’ve already I think had my first panic attack in weeks realizing the gravity of the situation. Pathetic right? I’m panicking about something I signed up for, willingly.. 

I just, I think I’m feeling the weight of my reality of ‘if I was to die’, they made us fill out some paperwork earlier today and one of the questions was who to alert in the case of injury or death. I left it blank.

If I’m being honest, I don’t have anyone besides Maria, and well now, you, that would even know where I was.  

My parents have been dead for years, but even if they were alive, they weren’t the type of parents that would be concerned with my well being. All they cared about when they were alive was what they could get out of me. Hell, they’d probably try to seek out some pension or compensation out of the military for my death.  

Sorry. That was a lot. I don’t really know what I’m doing here.

You put your pen down and sighed, ‘What am I doing? Trauma dumping on this poor guy? Jesus…’ you thought. You looked at the Polaroid photo of him and something urged you to keep writing, something told you that he’d want to listen and help. 

'I guess what I’m trying to say is, I am just feeling alone. Yeah, I’ve got Maria here and she’ll be with me through this deployment, but it's a different type of alone. One deep down, feels like a burning brand, scorched into my being. 

I’ve always been alone, but never felt it the way I am right now. I mean, like I said above, my parents didn’t really care about me, I mean not like I’m sure you do with your daughter. You’d move heaven and earth for her, put your life on the line for hers. You can tell that just by the way you smile at her. I have rarely known that to last, to have known clear and utter devotion and love, by a parent or hell, by a partner. The last.. monster I was with.. He was the opposite of devotion and love. Hell, he’s the reason I joined, joined to get away from him, to be safe. But that’s another story for a longer letter, plus I don’t think you want to know about all that shit this early into our relationship, that's a 3rd date topic of conversation. 

Sorry, that was forward of me to say, I just mean, it's heavy and a lot. 

Do you ever feel alone? I mean being a single dad, I would assume you do at times. What do you do? I tend to shove it down and ignore it (not healthy, I know) - but it’s just easier, you know?

It’s been years since I haven’t felt this so loudly.. 

When I was a young teen, I would visit this little old man down the street. His name was Levi. He was the closest thing I had to what a grand dad might be. When my parents would fight, or they’d leave me for days on end to gamble or do hell knows what.. I’d go to Levi’s. He’d feed me, make sure I had somewhere to sleep on his couch, and even make me lunch for school. He used to pack me homemade ‘treasure cookies’ he called them, in my lunch, write me little jokes in my lunch bag… he used to write ‘Cricket’, his nickname he had for me on those lunch bags. He was everything to me for those 5 years I knew him. Taught me how to drive (illegally, must’ve been 13 when he taught me), how to change tires, cook for myself, taught me how to fight, how to take care of myself.'

You teared up as you wrote, a tear landing on the paper. 

'Something tells me he knew his time was limited, because looking back, he shoved as much love and care he could on me before he died of a stroke…

I came home from school.. found an ambulance taking him out of his place. After that, I was truly on my own and when that feeling came back again.  

I miss him, I know he’d be mad at me for joining tho… he would say there were other ways, that he’d make sure I was safe. And he would, he’d keep me safe. 

Jesus, that old man was terrifying when he needed to be. I remember.. a boy from school put hands on me. He came to my school after the principal called him because I socked the kid in the nose, and was getting suspended for it (bullshit, I know), but he told the kid while he was waiting in the hall for his parents to come, if he ever looked my way again, he knew where he lived, and it wouldn’t be just a broken nose next time. The kid never came near me again, in fact now that I think about it, not a lot of boys came around while he was alive… jeez, thanks Levi for being the ultimate chastity belt.'

You laughed to yourself thinking about that. 

'Anyway, thanks for listening to me ramble. It’s actually helped getting all this out. Don’t feel obligated to write back concerning this letter, consider it like a… what do the Catholics call it? Oh, like a confessional! Well, not really, but you get it, right? 

I’ll write back when I can. I’m going to Afghanistan, we haven't received where we will be stationed, but I'll be sure to write as soon as I'm able.

Also, if you send your replies before I am able to write you, I've been told mail will automatically forward to our new location, from Fort Jackson.

Thanks again Joel. 

Talk soon. 

Warm regards, 

Y/N’

You folded it into thirds, and put it into a new envelope, sealed it, and then looked back at your room, taking it in. 

‘I’ve got this.’ you thought. 

You stood up, turned off the lamp and then laid on your bed, slowly drifting to sleep. 

— 

You awoke to your alarm blaring at 0230, Maria already up and getting ready. You rolled over and put your pillow over your head, groaning. You were never a morning person, this morning was a testament to that. 

“Whoever decided for us to fly out at 3am in the damn morning… I hope their pillow is always hot, and they have a pebble in their shoe!” you groaned again, but sat up, stretching your arms above your head.  

Maria chuckled at your reaction. She was a morning person. She loved the early start to the day and sunrise and blah blah blah. “You are NOT a morning person.” she turned to look at you, tying up her hair.

You shot her a glare, “You don’t say, Ms. Ray of frickin’ Sunshine…” 

She chuckled and pointed to your desk, “I got you a cup of coffee from the cafe, and took your letters to Joel already to the mail drop...” She turned to look at you and smirked, “Two letters in two days? Lucky man…” 

You rolled your eyes, “Ha ha, nice insinuation… you’re so funny.” you stood up and walked over to grab the coffee, taking a sip. “For your information… I was just letting him know we got deployed.” you shrugged. “Did you let.. what was his name again… Reginald, know?” you said smirking into your cup, taking another sip, knowing it would get a rise out of her. 

“Oh stop it, ok? You know his name is Tommy!” she threw her hair brush at you softly, you caught it and chuckled. 

“Speaking of Tommy, I saw Joel’s last name was Miller on your letter, and he’s from Texas, right? Curious if he’s related to my pen pal, they both have the last name of Miller and both live in Texas..” she questioned as she looked back in the mirror to make sure her hair looked acceptable. 

You shrugged your shoulders and started to clean yourself up as you needed to leave for the bus soon. “I don’t know. The odds of that would be like what, 1 in a million?” you said as you straightened up your hair bun and grabbed your toothbrush, starting to put toothpaste on it, “Joel mentioned owning a construction business with his brother, but never mentioned a name. I can ask if you want?” you looked back at Maria before shoving your toothbrush in your mouth, brushing softly.

She shook her head, “No, it's ok. I’ll mention it to Tommy next time I write.” she packed up the last of her things as you spit your toothpaste down the sink. “Got everything?” she asked, starting to grab her things.

You wiped your mouth and nodded “Yeah, I’m ready.” you grabbed your cap, slid on your boots, grabbed your duffle and cup of coffee, and both of you walked to the bus stop.

—

The bus ride to the airport was about a 30 minute drive. You could tell that everyone’s nerves were a bit heightened. A guy's leg behind you kept bouncing the whole way there against the back of your seat which drove you mad- but deep down you also knew it wasn’t him trying to be annoying, it was probably a coping mechanism; as you were currently tapping your fingers anxiously against your knee. 

When you arrived at the airport, you were all instructed to tag your bags and then load up into the hangar of this huge military plane. 

“Eyes up!" you all stood to attention as soon as you heard the command. "You aren’t flying commercial or first class today, so I suggest you all suck it up - get all your bitching and moaning out now because if I hear one complaint when this aircraft is in the air, so help me I’ll toss you out! Understood!?” the commanding officer yelled loudly amongst the crowd.

Everyone in unison shouted “Yes sir!”

"Buckle up." he turned around to release you all. You all started to sit down, start to buckle. 

Within seconds, another man came into the plane, marked higher than the other. "Attention!" someone called loudly. You all stood to attention, facing forward, hands to your side, uniform formation.

“My name is Sgt. Anders, this will be a 35 hour trip. So strap in, and get comfortable. We will be making multiple fuel stops. When that happens, you can get up, stretch and use the restroom, but you will not be leaving the aircraft. We are on a tight schedule and can’t afford delays. We will be flying in and landing at Bagram Air Base. If anything is to go south, as we will be flying into an active war zone at one point.. there are parachute backpacks above you. You should all know how to equip one, if not, you better hope the person next to you helps your helpless ass- put one on!” he continued to yell as he paced up and down the plane. 

“When you arrive, you will be assigned to a portable, you will have your assignment, departure time, commanding officer, and any other necessary information in an envelope on your beds!” He looked at you and Maria, “Medics! You will be assigned in teams of two!” He looked at two other guys down the line that were also medics, “You will be paired by gender, so women with women, men with men.” He looked back at you and Maria, “Your assignments will be immediate, as soon as you touch down. You will be loaded into a Humvee and taken to location, is that understood?”

��Sir, yes sir.” you all four said in unison. 

As he continued to further instruct the rest of the group, you leaned slightly towards Maria, careful to not break formation and softly said, “Didn’t know our assignment would be so immediate, did you?” she shook her head very slightly and exhaled a breath. You could tell she was nervous. You grabbed her hand and gave it a light squeeze. “We got this.” you said facing forward, leaning back straight. 

She nodded slightly and squeezed your hand back in agreement. 

After about 5 more minutes of instructions, you were put at ease, told to buckle in, and the aircraft took off. 

—

You were not the biggest fan of flying to begin with, but this experience and this damn aircraft made you feel a lot more vulnerable and nervous than flying commercial. You kept thinking ‘If I would have known I was flying 35 damn hours without a flight attendant and knowing there is a parachute back above my head, I would have never signed on the dotted line. Fuck this shit…’ 

Around hour 3 there was major turbulence, you tucked your head down and shut your eyes trying to calm down your growing anxiety, legs bouncing up and down together, hands gripping your seat belt over your chest so damn tight your knuckles were turning white. 

Maria noticed and leaned over, “I heard there’s going to be a fuel stop in 30 minutes, we just gotta hold on ‘til then.” 

The fuel stop was more like 45 minutes later with the turbulence. 

As soon as the plane landed and you were given the ok to unbuckle, you bolted to the toilets. Maria followed closely behind, also sick from the nerves. 

You chuckled at the sink after you both were done being sick, “Some Dramamine would be nice right about now, am I right?” you gently knocked your elbow against hers, drying your hands with a paper towel. 

She smiled and splashed her face with some water, “That or a fuckin’ Xanax. We all need to take a chill pill...” 

You both chuckled softly and then walked back to your seats together, starting to sit back down when the other two medics came over from their seats, “Sounds like we’ll be working together…” one of them said, looking down at you both. 

You stood up and held out your hand, “Yeah, sounds like it. I’m ___ and this is Maria. Nice to meet you…?” Maria stood and held her hand out as well. 

“Oh um, Terrance, and this is Reginald, but we call him Reggie.” he looked towards the baby face standing next to him, who tried to size you both up by puffing up his chest and trying to appear taller than he actually was. 

You and Maria both let out a snicker at the name Reginald. 

“Somethin’ funny?” Reggie asked, clearly offended. 

You shook your head and smiled, “No, no I’m sorry. We just have-” you shook your head, not caring to explain, seeing he was trying to possibly start an argument, “No, nothing’s funny, sorry.” you shook his hand, gripping it tighter than usual, trying to assert you weren’t going to be sized up by him “Nice to meet you Reggie.” you gave him a half smile, clenching your jaw down a bit. You knew that being dainty and feminine wasn’t the route to go with him, if you didn’t shut him down now, you could see him possibly being an issue.

You looked at Terrance and shook his hand more gently, giving him a more genuine smile, “Nice to meet you both.”

Both nodded, agreeing, then turned to go back to their seats. Reggie was still somewhat bothered by your humor that you didn’t care to explain to him. 

Maria and you sat down again and then turned to each other and chuckled when you said “Shucks, I think we hurt his feelings..” 

Maria sat back in her seat, unbothered, “Oh boo, he’ll get over it.”

You chuckled and sat back as well, thinking out loud. “Reginald… who names their kid Reginald?” 

Maria chuckled to herself and shrugged her shoulders. 

Before you knew it the plane took off again. 

Joel’s POV

Your letters came to Joel about a week after you left for Afghanistan. Sarah came in from grabbing the mail after school one day and was shocked to see two envelopes in mail. Joel hadn’t gotten home yet. He was still at work but Sarah smiled knowing her dad got two letters, she hoped that meant things were going well between the two of you. Her dad seemed a bit different since the first letter came around. Joel also would never admit this, but Sarah caught him a few times checking the mail more times than once during the days he had off, from what she could guess was him hoping to hear from you. 

She went upstairs and laid them out on his pillow and then started on her homework in her own room turning on some music. 

Joel got home around 7pm, dead tired and sore as hell. He was covered in saw dust and reeked of sweat. He needed a shower, and needed it now. 

He heard the music in Sarah’s room and lightly knocked on her door, “M’ gonna to take a quick shower baby girl, why don’t you order us some pizza? My wallet is down on the counter..” 

Sarah turned her music down slightly “Pepperoni and Three Meat sound good?” 

Joel started walking down the hall to his room, taking his shirt off in the process, “Anythin’ you want sweetheart.” 

He closed the door behind him and went to sit on the edge of the bed to take his work boots off when he stopped to look back at his pillow, seeing the two envelopes. He took off one boot and then scooted over and grabbed the envelopes. He immediately smiled seeing your name and then looked slightly confused when he saw two envelopes. “Wonder why I got two..” he opened the first, which was the one you wrote right after your graduation. 

He smiled at your sincere remarks about Sarah. It warmed his heart when you asked about her, and it felt genuine, not just conversation filler.

He chuckled when you mentioned the spiders in the jungle and then frowned when you mentioned your baseball team being the Cubs, “Oh we’re gonna have to fix that…” he said lowly. He continued to read and then a smile came back to his lips when you mentioned the Cowboys and couldn’t help but agree with your comment about their defense needing some work. 

He smiled at your suggestion for him to heat his back and knees, it was something not a lot of people outside of Sarah and Tommy did for him, care for his well being. 

He pulled out the post card you sent as well and chuckled about your remark about southern food. You weren’t wrong, food in the south is very good, and he thought when you were back, maybe he could barbecue for you. He was known for making some mighty tasty ribs.

He then pulled out the two pictures you sent. He saw the one of you alone first. He smiled warmly and traced his thumb gently over the photograph. ‘She’s gorgeous..’ he thought to himself. You had a beautiful smile, and a very warm energy he could sense. He felt something tug in his chest when he continued to look at the photo. He flipped to the other photo and smiled wider seeing you smile bigger with Maria. 

You were contagious. 

He couldn’t help but chuckle at how bright you were. He looked back at the other photo for a moment longer, and then set them both aside and picked up the second envelope. 

This letter felt thicker right off the bat, and for some reason that made his heart drop. He wondered what that could mean. He unfolded the pages and began to read. He immediately could tell that you reached out when you were struggling. 

He hated thinking about that smile of yours being dimmed. He read every word like his breath depended on it. Soaking in every syllable so he could give you what you might need in his response. 

He came across the part where you talked about Levi and smiled softly, having comfort that someone took care of you like that. You deserved that at the bare minimum, and he hated to learn that you had been so alone and neglected for so long. He chuckled at the chastity belt part, thinking if it were him, he would have still made a move on you, Levi wouldn't have kept him away from a beautiful girl like you.

He noticed the tear stain on the letter when you mentioned his passing. He rubbed his thumb over it gently, as if trying to comfort you somehow, telepathically. 

He finished reading and looked up at the wall across from him, letting out a soft sigh, racking his brain for what to do next. 

—

The next day 

Joel was a man of very few words, but what he lacked in speaking, he made up for in actions. One could say one of his love languages was acts of service. 

He made a commitment to get work off a little earlier than usual so he could make it to the store before they closed, as he wanted to send something to you today, sooner than later. 

He grabbed three things, a disposable camera and a package envelope large enough to fit the camera in, and a new post card design. 

As he was walking down the street to his truck, he walked past a small jewelry shop, something in the display window caught his eye. They had a trinity knot pendant. It was perfect. He knew that was a symbol of protection, and it felt only right to send it to you with where you were going. 

He purchased it and then went and sat in his truck. He addressed the envelope to you, put the pendant in, which was in a little velvet bag, and then a disposable camera inside. He then wrote on the postcard he grabbed from the market:

'Y/N, June 11, 2014

Do you think you out-letter me by sending two at once? It’s on. ;)

Consider this my first letter. 

The camera is to be a placeholder until you get back, then I’m gonna get you a digital one. I’m now curious and want to see what you can do with one of those. For now, I’ll be sending you a disposable camera - one for every month that you're deployed. I expect once you’ve filled it up, you’ll mail it back to me, I’ll process them and then when you get home, I’ll hand deliver all the photos you took - we’ll call it a meet and greet, it’ll give us a good excuse to meet up. 

The pendant is to keep you and your group safe, but mostly you. ;)

My mom always taught us about how certain symbols and things carry certain powers of protection, and right now, you need protection where you are. 

Be safe, stay healthy, and just for the record, I prayed there wouldn’t be any big bugs, I hope it worked. ;)

-Joel’ 

He then stopped by the post office and mailed that off first. 

He would worry about the letter he wanted to write back to you when Sarah was in bed later, but he wanted to get those small pieces of what he hoped would be motivation and support to you as soon as he could. 

Joel got home right after Sarah got home from soccer practice. Sarah was getting a glass of water from the sink when he walked in, she set her glass down, shock and slight worry coursing through her. 

Seeing him home so early was rare, but it was a Thursday, Thursday’s meant heating chicken nuggets in the oven and her dad not being home until after she was in bed. 

“You’re home early… are you ok? Do you feel sick?” she rushed over and put her hand to his forehead, attempting to feel his temperature. When he felt normal, she looked at him a bit more worried. 

“Dad, did you hit your head at work? Quick, how many fingers am I holding up?” she held up 4 fingers, making eye contact with him, as if she was trying to look for a concussion or head injury. 

Joel chuckled and gently pushed her fingers away, “I’m fine sweetheart.” 

She scoffed, offended he didn’t answer her question, “Dad! This is serious, how many fingers?” She put the same 4 fingers up with wide eyes and a jutted out jaw, something she did when she meant business.

“4 fingers.. My name is Joel Miller, I am home with my beautiful daughter, Sarah…” he smiled sweetly at her and kissed her forehead and then started walking towards the fridge to grab a drink for himself, “It’s Thursday, Obama is the president, and…” he held out his arms straight out from himself, water bottle in his right hand, and walked in a straight line toe, to heel back towards her, stopping in front of her, chuckling lightly as he touched his nose with each pointer finger like he was performing a field sobriety test, “I am fine baby girl. Just got off work early.” he booped her nose with his finger and began to walk to sit at the table to take his boots off. 

Sarah’s right eye twitched in disbelief, and she looked at him like he was nuts, “Dad, you never get off work early, especially on a Thursday…” she came and sat by him, “Is everything ok?” 

He smiled again warmly at her and gently grabbed her hand that was on the table, “Yes, everything is ok. I promise.” he gently gave it a squeeze, “Everyone is safe and healthy. I am just home because I had some errands to run before the stores closed.”

Sarah looked at him puzzled for a few seconds then gasped loudly, “Did you have a date?!” 

He cocked his head at her and let out a deep gut laugh, “Sarah.. If I ever go on a date looking like this, and smelling like..” he raised his armpit and took a few sniffs and then waved his other hand in front of his nose “Jesus… smelling like this..? You need to admit me to a psych ward, because that means I’ve lost my damn mind!” 

Sarah giggled at his playfulness and nodded, “Understood.” She stood up from the table and went to walk away but stopped suddenly and looked back at her dad, head tilted to the side in curiosity, “If you weren’t on a date, then what errands did you do to come home empty handed?” 

She wasn’t going to let this go. Joel and her were as thick as thieves. They told each other everything, nothing was hidden from each other, at least for the most part, Sarah kept boys that flirted with her to herself, obviously. 

“I uh, I read Y/N’s letters last night, and one of them gave me an idea of something I could send her in addition to the normal letters we write, somethin’ small but meaningful since she said she was getting deployed..” he cleared this throat and scratched the scruff of his chin, trying to not give any added context that you were struggling. But also, he went out of his way to pretty much send you a care package.

He knew Sarah would take the intention out of context and she’d think something more.. was going on. Which there wasn’t, not that Joel wouldn’t mind that, but it was meant purely as a friendly gesture, or that’s what he kept telling himself. 

“That’s nice of you dad, what did you get her?” Sarah looked at him with a sweet smile. 

He broke eye contact and starting untying his second boot to take off his foot, “She um.. mentioned that she likes taking pictures, so I sent her a disposable camera.” he tossed the second boot next to the first and then stood up, “Told her if she sent it back, I’d get the photos developed for her…” he left the part out about the necklace and how he also said how he’d keep sending camera’s so that he had an excuse to meet up with her in person, Sarah didn’t need to know about that plan, at least not yet. 

He started walking out of the kitchen, up the stairs, “Anyways, I’m going to hop into a quick shower then I’ll make us something to eat.” 

Sarah nodded and then stood in the kitchen and smiled to herself as Joel continued up the stairs. She knew her dad better than anyone, and she knew when he breaks eye contact and then removes himself from a conversation, there’s more he doesn’t want to share. However, Sarah was ok with that. He seemed lighter and happier since getting letters from you; and for him to take work off early…that wasn’t something he just did for anyone. He only did things like that for those he truly cared about.

—

Joel showered and then made the two of them what Sarah called ‘The Joel Special’ - which was a can of Chef Boy-ar-dee’s Beefaroni and homemade garlic bread. 

Sarah retired early to her bedroom as she mentioned she had a paper to finish and early morning tomorrow for the debate team before school. 

Joel was left in the kitchen, cleaning off the dishes, stuck inside his thoughts, wondering what you were up to right now. Since your last letters, you were a constant thought in his mind. Especially after seeing what you look like. How beautiful you were. Hell, you were in your uniform and still took his breath away. He couldn’t fathom how good you’d look in a sundress or just regular clothes, that thought drove him somewhat mad. 

He did wonder what you normally wore and how you did your hair. He could see you wore a bun which signaled you had longer hair. He also could tell you had a very feminine energy about you, were you someone that wore a lot of makeup or took the more natural approach? Either way didn’t matter to him, he just wondered. He was very curious to get to know you more out of the military. 

However, he knew he probably wouldn’t see that side of you for a long time as he knew when Tommy served and would Skype him, he was always in his uniform or some form of it. 

I wonder if she’d be up to Skyping at one point? Maybe in a couple weeks, I’ll put the idea out there… or maybe mention it in the letter? He thought as he finished loading up the dishwasher. 

He put a dishwasher tablet in, wiped down the counters and table, put the coffee machine to pre-brew for the morning and then headed upstairs after making sure everything was secure and taken care of. 

He knocked on Sarah’s door lightly before opening it up a little, “Hey sweet pea, let’s be in bed by 9pm. Also, I’ll take you to school tomorrow if you’d like. Gotta leave by 6:30 am right?” he said looking down at her reading something at her desk. 

“Ok dad, and sure, that’d be nice to grab a ride. Yeah, by 6:30am!” she looked up with a soft smile. 

“Sounds good, I’ll set my alarm to be up in time. Goodnight, I love you.” he leaned in and kissed the top of her head before lightly closing the door again after she said goodnight back and walked to his bedroom. 

He shut his door and then pulled out the bedside table Sarah had got for him last Christmas, for when she does breakfast in bed for him on birthdays and other special events, before pulling out a pen and paper and sitting on top of his sheets. 

He turned on his bedside table lamp and turned the tv on the sports channel for some background noise before zoning in and writing: 

‘Y/N, June 12, 2014

Told ya I’d be writing another letter! :) 

This one should be to you maybe a day or two after the package I sent. I hope it finds you well. I also hope you made it to your base overseas safely. I remember when my brother went over there the flight was brutally long and the plane they went over made him forever now terrified of flying. I hope that didn’t happen for you, that you got to fly more comfortably. 

I first wanted to thank you for trusting me with the anxieties you were feeling in your last letter. I know that writing and opening up like that to anyone, but someone like me, I mean we are two steps away from being somewhat strangers, was not the easiest. Hell, I’d be nervous to do it… but you did.. so… thank you for trusting me with so much important information you shared, I won’t make you regret it.

I also want to say, you aren’t alone, and you aren’t pathetic for feeling that way. 

In all honesty, I tend to also feel the same way whenever I feel anything but happy. I would say ‘I’m pathetic for feeling sad, alone, hell… for when I grieved - when Sarah’s mom left us.’ I felt stupid for feeling mad, betrayed, and left alone to raise our daughter. However, I was wrong, I had every right to feel those things. It took a long time to come to terms with that - a whole lot of growin’ up on my part, also some convincin’ from my brother and Sarah… but those feelings are valid, and you aren’t less of a person for feeling them. 

In this case, sweetheart, you are 100% wrong about being alone. You’ve got me now. Right? 

I know, at least speakin’ for myself, I’ve found great comfort in our letters, in your humor, your stories.. like.. Levi - he sounds like my granddad. He took the place of my dad when I was growing up a lot of the time. My dad was worried more about gambling and bets than my mom, brother and I. But my granddad - stepped in and up. He taught my brother, Tommy, and I, everything about being a man. How to work hard, provide for our family, how to respect women, how to pretty much be what my dad wasn’t. 

He was alive when Sarah’s mom left us, he was the one to tell me that it was time to be the man he raised me to be. He wasn’t wrong, I needed to hear that. It shaped me to be the man and father I am for Sarah. She’s everything to me and like you said, I will move heaven and earth for those in my life I love. 

I’m so sorry to hear that Levi passed, I can tell he left a huge mark and influence in your life and heart. I hope you know that he is with you and always will be in spirit. 

By the way, quick side note, I was told by Sarah that she wanted this picture sent of us to you :)

She’s a lot better at capturing moments than I am on her camera so we will have to thank her for being proactive or I would probably never get photos to you. I think I would be better about it with my phone, but the damn Poloroid intimidates me. 

Perhaps when you’re back, we could text each other? It would be faster than letters, unless you like that, I’d be happy to do either or.

Before I forget, you asked my favorite animal, I like foxes. I think they are beautiful creatures and get a bad rap in my opinion. I also love whales like you. I remember there was an episode that we watched that explained that there was a resident pod of whales that have continued to stay by this coast in Oregon, um, if my memory serves me, I think it was Depoe Bay? And it said they’ve continued for years to come back and their pod keeps growing… that’d be cool to see, don’t you think? 

Speaking of animals, what was the reason behind Levi’s nickname for you, ‘Cricket’’..? Do you chirp in your sleep or somethin’ cute like that?

Your last letter, you asked about hobbies and I told you I didn’t have any, but now that I think of it, I guess I kind of do. I do woodworking here and there. I haven't done it in a few years unfortunately- but I specialized in rocking chairs and I was approached by an old family friend today to make one for their pregnant daughter’s nursery. Any ideas of what I should carve into it? I was thinking since they are having a girl doing flowers or maybe an intricate bow. What do you think? I’d love your thoughts. I’ll have Sarah take pictures to also keep you updated on its process, would that be ok?'

Joel looked over at your picture and smiled softly, running his fingers through his hair anxiously, thinking if he should ask about maybe doing a Skype call as that’s how he kept in touch with Tommy while he was deployed. 

'I was also wondering if you’d be open to Skype.. ' he stopped writing and fiddled with the pen between his thick fingers, thinking, slightly panicking.

He shook his head and exhaled, chickening out. ‘Too soon..’ he thought to himself. 

He lazily scribbled over the text in an attempt to hide what he wrote. 

'I’ll wrap this up as I’ve got an early morning but I just wanted to say a few final things:

-You aren’t alone. 

-Your feelings are valid. 

-Broncos need a better offense and the Vikings need a better team - GO COWBOYS! ;)

All my best, 

Joel’ 

He put the photo of him and Sarah in the envelope and then folded his papers into thirds before sticking it in the envelope and licking it shut.

He put it on his nightstand to remind him to drop it off at the post office on the way to work tomorrow morning, turned off his light and tv and slowly fell asleep. 

Reader POV

2 weeks later 

You have been in the middle of nowhere for the past 2 weeks. The commanding sergeant wasn’t kidding when he said your assignment was immediate. Once you got off the plane and into the Humvee, the four of you were driven another hour to a smaller city outside of Bagram. 

Once there, you were to provide immediate medical assistance to the troops and allies there. 

Maria and you worked together to triage and maintain a good rhythm to make sure those with more immediate needs were taken care of while Reggie and Terrance took on the less immediate concerns. 

The four of you worked well together, especially after Reggie got over his feelings and got to know you and Maria more. You finally caved and told him why you two laughed at his name, and told them about your pen pals. Reggie understood and agreed, the name Reginald was a poor name. 

After that, and finding your rhythm, you all worked like a well oiled machine. 

___

0900 hours - June 19, 2014

“Maria, I need some help over here!” you shouted across a tent that was filled with a mixture of fellow troops and city folk. 

You had a young man on the table from the local village, no more than 13, bleeding out of his chest from what you were told was caused by shrapnel from a grenade explosion that happened about 2 miles south of your location. 

For the last 2 days there had been a stand off between the American soldiers and members of the enemy. 

7 dead. 

16 wounded. 

9 hours on your feet. 

Your medical tent was full and people just kept coming. You and Maria were moving patients into your own bed quarters to keep attending to people. 

Maria rushed over, your hands putting pressure on the wound that must’ve nicked an artery based on how much blood had been coming out. “What do you need?” she said ready to dive in wherever needed. 

“Get some gauze and put pressure on the wound. I’m going to get IV going and then a repair kit to attempt to tie off the cause of this bleeding.” you moved your hands that were quickly replaced by hers and turned around to rinse your hands in a basin full of water with as much speed as possible without being reckless. 

You had picked up a little bit of the language in the little time you had been there. You smiled softly at the boy looking terrified back at you laying on the table, “I am here to help. Can you tell me your name?” you said in Dari, which was the general language spoken in that region. 

He nodded frantically “Azzami…” he said softly. While he spoke you quickly and effectively stuck him with an IV needle and started pushing fluids.

“Hello Azzami, my name is ____ and this is Maria.” You said in Dari again. “I need you to stay still and keep your eyes on Maria, for me, can you do that?” you said slower and used hand signals to help translate as you now spoke in English. 

He nodded “Look Maria. Stay still.” 

You nodded “Yes, good.” you said in Dari. 

Azzami turned his head and kept eye contact with Maria. She smiled and softly hummed a song to him that you both had heard mothers sing to their babies around the village. 

You took that as your chance to do what you needed to do. You grabbed some forceps and a needle and sutures, as well as moving the light that was shining overhead closer to Azzami’s chest. You looked at Maria quickly and said “This is going to hurt him like a bitch, keep humming.” 

You immediately dug your finger into the wound to investigate where the bleeding was coming from, and almost immediately you felt the left thoracic artery leaking. Azzami screamed and cried, Maria held his head and shoulders down and continued to hum to him louder, keeping eye contact. 

“Very good Azzami, you’re so brave.” you said in Dari as you started to wrap a stitch to stop the bleeding. Before you were done he passed out from the pain. 

You started to hum along with Maria, not knowing if he was conscious enough to still know what was going on, but wanted to still provide him comfort. She looked at you and nodded towards the injury after you finished, “You think you got it?” 

You nodded “Yeah, that’ll hold. I just need to dress it up and then give him a shot of antibiotics.” you started to gather the needed supplies to dress the wound, “You’re good to go help Reggie, he’s been doing compressions on that guy for the past 10 minutes..” you sadly looked his way briefly, you knew that doing compressions that long didn’t mean anything good. Maria nodded and started heading that way. 

You finished dressing Azzami’s wound and gave him a shot of antibiotics before Terrance called you over to help with another in take. 

You ran over “What do we have?” you asked as you started a general examination, shining a light in the man’s eyes seeing a head wound, you saw no pupil reaction. 

“Anderson said he was hit in the chest, fell and hit his head, he’s been on site for at least 10 minutes…” Terrance said starting to grab gauze and a repair kit which was routine procedure for most chest wounds. You took your fingers to the pulse point of the soldier's throat and felt nothing. “Terr.. there’s no pulse, no pupil reaction..” you said matter of factly. 

Terrance shook his head frantically, taking gauze and pushing it to the chest wound, “No, there’s gotta be something we can do..” The number of deaths had been getting to him. He was someone that had a hard time letting go. 

You pulled your stethoscope off your neck and put it on the patient’s chest to listen, checking for even the smallest sound of movement, something to tell you there was a chance. Terrance stood still, looking at you, with hope. 

You pulled it off your ears to hang around your neck and shook your head. “DOA..” you put your hand over Terrance’s which was on the soldiers chest wound, covered in blood,  “Terr, he was struck pretty close to the aorta..” you looked at the entry wound. “... he was gone probably within the first 90 seconds of getting hit. He was out there with little to no care for what we think was 10+ minutes. He’s dead. I’m sorry.” you sighed heavily and looked at the body before you, taking your free hand to the soldier's face and gently closing his eyes. “Rest now… you served valiantly..” you whispered gently. 

You stepped back and nodded at Terrance before you took off the gloves you had on your hands and moved onto the next patient. You shoved every ounce of frustration and sadness down deep. Now wasn’t the time. 

That chaos went on for 6 more hours. 

6 more grueling hours filled with blood, sweat and tears. 

5 more deaths.  

18 more wounded. 

You traded off with the other crew of medics as you work 12 hour shifts at time to avoid burnout when you’re not out in the field. 

Terrance and Reggie offered for you and Maria to come rest in their quarters as they knew you guys had patients currently in yours.

You laid flat on the ground as soon as you got inside, the small fan hitting you like a godsend. You went from humid heat to dry heat in Afghanistan and you were bitter about it because you never had air conditioning, just small fans that you felt just pushed the heat around.  

Terrence sat on his bunk, looking down at his hands, mind far from here. 

Maria laid beside you and let out a breath of relief “I just heard Sgt. Beck tell someone that we cleared out that area; whoever is left on the other side is either dead or surrendering. We shouldn’t have any more heat come through.” 

You sighed heavily and put your arms over your head to cover your eyes “Oh thank god..” you were all exhausted. The last two weeks had been grueling. Little to no sleep, and mentally draining. You barely had time to even shower half the time or eat, it was constant. 

Reggie came in grinning ear to ear, “Ladies and well.. Terrance.. good news! We finally got mail!” He said, shaking his hips like the idiot he tended to be. 

You all shot up excitedly and turned towards him. Maria and you standing walk up to him. 

The mail was temporarily delayed due to the village entrance being deemed unsafe for the last two weeks. You were sure that the postcard you tried to get to Joel within the first few days, letting him know you got there safely, hadn't made it out of the village.

You all needed contact from the outside, you needed to hear from your loved ones. 

“Maria, you have 3 letters, milady.. Two from mom and dad, one from a.. Mr. Miller…? Oooh is this Reginald?!” he caught on and remembered the name of her pen pal you guys told him about. He shook the letter up in the air teasingly towards her. 

Maria grabbed all three envelopes and stuck her tongue out at Reggie, “His name is Tommy, but yes, this is who that idiot-” she nodded towards you, you hold up your hands in defense, “..calls Reginald.” 

You chuckled and looked at Reggie, “So feisty, isn’t she?” 

He chuckled along with you and nodded, and then looked at the mail he had remaining, “Ooh would you look at that! You got spoiled… you not only got a letter but a small parcel from Mr. Joel..” he shook the parcel in front of you teasingly like he did with Maria. 

You blushed slightly and smiled “Wait what? He sent a parcel?” you asked, reaching for the letter and parcel, confused as you didn’t know what he could have possibly had sent. 

Reggie pulled back to tease you further, he had a shit eating grin plastered on his face, “Would you look at that! You’re blushing… Oooh you liiike him!”

You chuckled and went to grab the items again, “No, I-” only for him to pull them away and start to run away from you like a child. 

Now you were pissed. Before he got out of arm's reach you grabbed him by the collar of the shirt and pinned him against the bunk bed he and Terrance shared, “Hey shit stain, you wanna play this game with me?” 

Reggie swallowed hard and shook his head. 

“Good boy. Now give me my mail.” you smirked, holding out your free hand. He slowly gave you both items. You let his collar go then gave him a playful punch to the gut, “Thanks Reggie..”

He coughed and groaned in pain, “Not cool, man.” 

You ignored him and went to sit down at their desk, now curious as to what the hell Joel sent to you. 

You looked between the two items and tried to decide which to open first. You looked at the post date and saw the parcel was sent first so opened that one. 

You pulled out the postcard and started to read it and then stopped when he mentioned the first item in the package. 

You slowly took the disposable camera out and smiled widely then went back to the postcard, reading that part. 

‘The camera is to be a placeholder until you get back, then I’m gonna get you a digital one. I’m now curious and want to see what you can do with one of those… 

…I’ll process them and then when you get home, I’ll hand deliver all the photos you took, we’ll call it a meet and greet and it’ll give us a good excuse to meet up…’

You smiled at that last part warmly, as well as a warmth creeping up your neck up to your cheeks as you liked he wanted an excuse to meet up. You wanted the same, very much so. 

You then pulled out the second item, the velvet bag inside the parcel.

As Levi would have said ‘Close your mouth honey, you look like a trout.’ with how wide your jaw dropped when you realized the pendant inside. 

You looked and read the passage about the significance and meaning behind the pendant. Tears welled up and a few streamed down as you read through the remainder of the postcard, lightly chuckling to yourself at his closing remark about praying away the bugs.

The thought and sincerity behind the symbol alone was enough to make you want to sob tears of joy. 

No one, and you meant it, no one, in years, made you feel this seen. This cared for.. or given you even an ounce of genuine sincerity without wanting something in return. 

All Joel wanted was your time. He wanted to get to know you more from what this felt like. He wanted to make you happy and feel safe, at least that’s what acts like this made you feel. 

You felt nothing but warmth by this gesture.

You took the pendant and put it around your neck, wearing it proudly and feeling ten times lighter with it on. 

You looked back at the rest of the group, wanting to stay in this moment by yourself and Joel just a little longer. They were all still head deep in their mail, you smiled as you turned back around and opened the letter excitedly, almost ripping with your eagerness. 

“Shit…” you giggled to yourself at how giddy you felt. 

You pulled out the letter first then pulled out the photo inside and immediately smiled brighter seeing Joel’s smile. 

You traced your fingers over the photo and chuckled at Sarah’s goofy smile, wondering what the context of the photo is between the two of them.

You set the photo down and began reading the letter. 

You felt nothing but comfort and security by his words of support. 

‘In this case, sweetheart, you are 100% wrong about being alone. You’ve got me now. Right?’

You felt the warmth of your blushing immediately hit your cheeks and your cheeks started to hurt by how much you were smiling when reading over the term of endearment, sweetheart. 

You smiled and nodded, thinking to yourself, ‘Yeah, I’ve got you now..’

You read the part about his grandfather carefully, taking in each detail he shared with you, appreciating his openness and vulnerability, sharing details about Sarah’s mother as well. 

You smiled more reading how Sarah took the photo and asked to send it to you, but then chuckled reading how the Polaroid intimidates Joel. You imagined him not being the most tech savvy person and that made you chuckle more. 

You blushed deeply and you felt a tug at your heart when he brought up texting when you got home, and nodded to yourself, you’d like that too. Hell, you’d love to keep up the letters as well. It could be your thing, together. 

You continued reading, making mental notes of what questions to reply back to him in your next letter.. especially concerning the rocking chair, you would love to share your opinion with him.

You got to the part he scribbled out and looked confused, ‘Did he spell something wrong?’ you chuckled lightly as he was someone who never had typo’s or scribbles in his letters so far. You tried to decipher what it could have said holding it close to your eyes.

Then you then held it up to the desk light and as clear day it read,

“I was also wondering if you’d be open to Skype.. ” 

You thanked God that Maria wasn’t around to see the stupid fucking smile you wore on your face right now, she’d never let you hear the end of it.

You put your hand over your mouth shyly to hide the excitement you wore across your face. If any of the other 2 dipshits saw how giddy you were over a letter from your ‘pen pal’, like Maria, they’d never shut up. 

You traced your finger over the part and thought to yourself ‘Maybe he thought it was too forward? Too soon?’ You shrugged unbothered because to you, it was sweet he didn’t want to be too forward. It felt very gentlemanly, something you have never had or experienced. It made you feel special, respected.  

It also didn’t matter because in your next letter you would ask him, rip the band aid off for the both of you. 

You read the last little bit of the letter and let out a laugh louder than you would have liked at his last line about the Broncos, Vikings and Cowboys. Alerting the others and popping your little bubble prematurely for your liking.

Maria zoned in like a shark smelling blood in the water at that kind laugh. “What? What’s so funny?” she stood up, and started walking over to you, smiling. 

You quickly cleared your throat and folded the letter up, “Oh uh.. Joel just said something about football that was funny.” you hoped to God she wouldn’t pick up on anything else. 

She smiled and hummed in acknowledgement. She then went to walk back to her spot but then stopped and turned back towards you, looking at your necklace, “That’s new..” 

It was then where you saw all the stupid damn dots connect in her head and smirked like the Grinch did when he plots to steal Christmas, “That’s new, as in the parcel from Joel, new..” she chuckled lowly and then crept back over, giddy as hell. 

You turned bright red and grabbed the necklace in your fist to try and hide it, feeling exposed and caught red handed, “Maria stop it..” you whispered and chuckled trying to defuse how red you felt. 

She laughed softly, slightly enjoying watching you squirm. She then grabbed your arm and lightly shook you a little, like the cuteness aggression took over her, then she stopped and whispered to you, “Ok… I’ll stop if you tell me everything when we are away from these two dipshits… and I mean everything.” she nodded to the necklace.

You looked over her shoulder at Terrance and Reggie, who were distracted by pages of Playboy they must’ve had a buddy mail to them. You chuckled and shook your head at how ‘boyish’ they could be. You looked back at Maria, “Fine, but we listen and we don’t judge or tease…” 

She pondered for half a second, “I can’t fully agree with the no teasin’ part, but I won’t judge.” she stuck her hand out for you to shake in agreement. 

You rolled your eyes and smiled “Fine.” you grabbed her hand and shook it, “Now drop it for now.” 

She smiled and nodded “Deal. Lips are sealed.” she winked. 

Previous chapter - Next Chapter

taglist: @sarahhxx03 , @blahkateisdone , @sunnytuliptime , @herebriefly

[cosmicjoke]

Okay, so, I just got an ask in my inbox from someone bitching at me for "defending" Erwin Rommel, the German general from WWII that some people think Erwin is based on or inspired by. They said "I can't believe you would defend Erwin Rommel because of a mid anime. He turned against Hitler in 1944 because the war was turning, not because he was against Fascism". Needless to say, I'm not going to play into this morons game by actually directly answering them, but I do want to make a point which is important to understand.

Because here's the thing that idiots like this don't get. The morons like this, that want to accuse AoT of being antisemitic, Fascist propaganda, they say all this shit while laboring under the belief that the Eldian's are "meant to be Jews", and because they can turn into Titans, Isayama was making some nefarious insinuation that Jews are actually monsters.

This is so stupid, it shouldn't even need to be addressed, but I will anyway, because some fuckers need to get their heads out of their assess.

First of all, nothing in AoT is meant to be a direct or 1 to 1 allegory of anything. It's an amalgamation of different historical events all meshed together. Second of all, none of these people seem to want to acknowledge that the closest group the Eldian's resemble, in reality, are the Germans, not Jews. It doesn't even make sense for Eldian's to be seen as Jewish, or as a stand in for Jews, because everything about them, from their history, to their names, to their culture and architecture and religious beliefs, resembles German and Germanic culture and history, including the German's historically warmongering ways. Remember, the Eldian's started off as a warring, Viking-like tribe of people who went around conquering other tribes of people. And the arc of the Yeagerist's eventually coming to power most resembles how the Nazi's eventually came to power, through the German people being horrifically oppressed and punished for the outbreak of WWI through the Treaties of Versailles, something we see reflected in how the Eldian's were eventually punished for their warmongering, cut off from the rest of the world, isolated and stolen from. Even if Erwin Smith is inspired by or based on Erwin Rommel, how does that in any way, shape or form indicate some Fascist or antisemitic agenda on Isayama's part, when Erwin Smith clearly isn't meant to be Jewish, but in every way resembles a German man? Let's suppose he is inspired by Rommel, again, it only supports the likelihood that the Eldian's are meant to be German, not Jews, and so the entire crux of these fucking moron's argument, that Isayama is being "antisemitic" because the Eldian's can turn into titans, completely falls apart, when the people that can turn into titans aren't meant to be seen as Jews, but clearly more obviously resemble Germans. Further, Erwin Smith is a fictional character. Just because he was inspired by a real-life historical figure doesn't mean he's meant to be that historical figure. While Erwin may share some superficial aspects with Rommel, Erwin is still a fictional character, and possesses multiple characteristics that differ immensely from Rommel in every way. People don't seem to understand that inspiration for a character or theme doesn't mean the character or theme is meant to be a direct representation of the thing that inspired it.

Further, one of the main themes of AoT is that we all have the capability to be monsters. Eldian's being able to turn into titans isn't meant to be seen as some sort of condemnation of their race. We aren't meant to hate them for this. The entire idea is that people, all people, can be monsters, their having some weird, magical ability to turn into titans having nothing to do with it. The Marleyans were just as monstrous as the Eldian's ever were in the way they treated people, in the things they did, in the agenda they pushed, and in their warmongering. They couldn't turn into titans, but they were every bit as bad, every bit as capable of evil. Again, the ability to turn into a titan isn't ever meant as any sort of statement as to the nature of the Eldian people. It's human nature itself that is framed as the real monster. It's also important to note that the Eldian's turning into titans wasn't ever something they wanted or which they chose to do. They were forced to turn into titans, either by the former rulers of the Eldian Empire, or by the Marleyan government, both of which utilized them as weapons against their wills. The Eldian people subjected to this were never meant to be seen as monsters, but as victims. We were always meant to feel sympathetic toward them for being used and forced against their wills to do something they had no say in or wish for. We see their persecution clearly framed as a bad thing, a very bad thing, which ultimately leads to tragedy and untold destruction and death. We see the prejudice against them clearly framed to be something wrong and evil, the very thing which ultimately leads to Marley's own demise. Again, if you want to make some sort of direct comparison to real, historical events, this all clearly resembles what happened with Germany and the rest of Europe after WWI, with the German people being convinced that they were being denied their god given destiny and right to exist through the extreme punishment exacted upon them by the rest of the world. Nazism and the National Socialist Party took hold because the German people felt deeply wronged and persecuted, which they were. The entire country was practically destroyed by the harsh sanctions and restrictions placed on it. The reaction from the German people in real life is something we see reflected in the Yeagerist's eventually coming to power and exacting their "revenge" on the rest of the world through their support of Eren. The Eldian's were, just like the German people, unduly punished and made to suffer for the wrongs of their past government and rulers, and eventually grew resentful and longing for the days when they saw themselves as glorious and powerful. We see this reflected earlier on in the story with Grisha Yeager's extremism and his belief that the Eldian empire should be restored, etc... His and the Yeagerists desire to take back what was once "theirs", spurred on by excessive punishment and cruelty and persecution from the rest of the world. This, again, all resembles Germany, and what happened with Germany following WWI, with the rise of Nazism and Hitler. How people can miss this is beyond me. They're so fucking stupid, and ignorant to boot. The rise of the Yagerists was never meant to be seen as a good thing. I don't care how many dumb fuck Yeagerists there are in the fandom, or how many morons try to make excuses for Eren's actions, the story plainly frames his actions and the Yeagerists taking over Paradis as a horrifically bad thing, one which leads to unspeakable tragedy and destruction, just like the rise of Nazism did in real life. Anyone who's read or watched AoT would know this. But then, I think most of the people that actually believe AoT is some sort of fascist, antisemitic propaganda haven't ever actually read or watched the manga or anime. If they did, assuming they have any, actual functioning brain cells, they would know how absurd and nonsensical such a belief is.

And once more, I reiterate, nothing in AoT is meant to be seen or taken as a direct or 1 to 1 allegory for any, real life historical event. Isayama was clearly inspired by multiple sources and multiple parts of history when he crafted his story. But it's still a work of original fiction, which is it's own thing, and which can't be taken as some sort of political or ideological statement on anything in real life. It's a self-contained work of art which, while it may have some resemblance to real life events, isn't and never was meant to be seen as an allegory for those events.

Anyway, that's all I'm going to say on this matter.

[mariacallous]

As all journalists know fear sells better than sex. Readers want be terrified. And here in the UK, there appears to be every reason to frighten them.

A country that was overdependent on financial services has been in decline ever since the banking crash of 2008. Then, from 2010 on, the astonishing Conservative policy failures of austerity, Trussonomics and, above all, Brexit further weakened an enfeebled state.

I was a child in a happy family during the crisis of the 1970s. Like all happy children I just got on with my life. But even I picked up a little of the despair and hopelessness of the time. That feeling that there is no way out is with us again.

In 1979, Margaret Thatcher came to power, and with great brutality, set the UK on a new path as she inflicted landslide defeats on Labour.

Obviously, our current Conservative government is heading for a defeat, maybe a landslide defeat.

But there is little sense that Labour will transform the country.  The far-left takeover from 2015-2019 traumatised it. As recently as 2021, everyone expected Boris Johnson to rule the UK for most of the 2020s.  

Johnson’s contempt for the rules he insisted everyone else follow and the great Truss disaster are handing Labour victory. But the centre-left appears to be the beneficiary of scandal and right-wing madness, not an ideological sea change that might inspire it and sustain it in power

Desperate to drop its crank image, battered by the conservative media establishment, fashionable opinion holds that a wee, cowering and timorous Labour party will come into power without radical policies that equal the country’s needs.

Just this once, fashionable opinion may even be right

And yet, and I know I will regret this outbreak of commercially suicidal optimism, there are reasons to believe that the UK’s position is not quite as grim as it appears.

1)    The economy may revive

Although no one has been as wrong recently as the economists and central bankers who predicted that inflation would be a transitory phenomenon, it is finally coming down. Falls in energy prices may even bring it to the 2 per cent target this month. Interest rates will eventually follow suit.

Lower interest rates mean lower government borrowing costs. They will reduce the extraordinary debt bill Labour in power will have to meet.

Chris Giles of the Financial Times calculated this week that lower government borrowing costs improve the public finances five years ahead by almost £15bn (about 0.5 per cent of national income) for every percentage point reduction.

Meanwhile the Conservatives have raised taxes so high (by UK standards) a Labour government may not need to risk unpopularity by raising them further.  Under Conservative plans the tax burden has risen from 33.1 per cent of gross domestic product in 2019-20 to 36.5 per cent in 2024-25 with further rises planned, taking it to 37.1 per cent by 2028-29.

If the 1997-2010 Labour government is any guide, Labour will be reluctant in the extreme to play into its enemies’ hands by raising taxes

It may not need to if economic growth leads to the revenue growth that would take the UK out of the rolling crisis that has afflicted it since 2016.

I wouldn’t be doing my job if I did not add that there are some pretty large caveats to make.

Economists missed the post-covid inflation surge because they forgot about politics. Russia’s unprovoked invasion of Ukraine upended the European economy. An extension of the war in Ukraine or the Middle East, or, more terrifyingly, a US-China confrontation, or the return of Donald Trump could all derail a new government.

In any case the IMF predicts growth of 1.5 percent in 2025, which is nowhere near the 3 percent we need to fund the state.

And yet, with a bit of luck there is a fair chance that our fortunes may revive, albeit modestly.

2) Labour is not as scared as it looks

Near where I live in London is the Union Chapel, a vast neo-Gothic hall.

Will Hutton was there recently to launch his new book This Time No Mistakes: How to Remake Britian. I have interviewed Will for the podcast, which should be out in a couple of days. For now, I’ll just say his book is a classic combination of liberal and left thought, and makes the case for radical reform. Keir Starmer arrived on stage to the cheers of the crowd and endorsed Hutton’s findings.

The fashionable view is that Labour has abandoned difficult policies so as not to alienate frightened voters, and I can see why people think that way.

The grand plan for green job creation has been hacked back after fears the markets would not wear it. The majority of people in this country, and the overwhelming majority of people who vote for opposition parties, now recognise that Brexit was a disastrous error. Year in year out it drags the country down. And yet Starmer, who once argued for a second referendum, is terrified of mentioning the subject in case he upsets a minority in marginal seats.

There was a depressing little vignette a few days ago when the European Commission laid out proposals for open movement to millions of 18- to 30-year-olds from the EU and UK, allowing them to work, study and live in respective states for up to four years. Labour joined the Tories in rejecting the offer.

 It would rather squash the aspirations of young people than lay itself open to the charge that it was taking us back towards EU membership.

Yet Rachel Reeves, Keir Starmer and David Lammy talk about the need for cooperation. “Success will rest on forming new bilateral and multilateral partnerships, and forging a closer relationship with our neighbours in the European Union,” Reeves said as she explained her economic programme.

Meanwhile the UK has been ruled by Conservatives for so long our battered minds can underestimate how much the country will change when they are thrown out.

The new parliament will be filled with politicians who support renters, more home building and the EU. They will at least be interested in a land value tax and a universal basic income. Radical that ideas have been forbidden for years will soon seem normal.

3) The impetus for change

The last Labour government of 1997 to 2010 did not change economic fundamentals for what seemed at the time to be a very good reason.

 When it came to power neo-liberalism worked. Indeed, is easy to forget now how successful the ideology appeared before the crash of 2008. Politicians like Gordon Brown and Tony Blair accepted much of what Margaret Thatcher had done because they thought they had no choice. Everyone knew, or thought they knew, that this was how you ran an economy.

None of that certainty pertains today. The Brexit nationalism that succeeded neo-liberalism has failed. Starmer and Reeves will not be like Blair and Brown: they will have no good reason to cling to discredited ideas.

That does not mean they won’t cling to them for fear of the Tory press or swing voters or because of their own intellectual failings. There is no guarantee that countries will turn themselves round. The UK could go the way of Argentina or Italy.

But the Labour leadership is made of serious politicians, and I keep asking myself why would serious politicians want to preside over decline? I can’t see why they would.

As I said, maybe I will regret writing this piece. But for the moment I think we can enjoy a rare moment of optimism.

[shejustcalledmeafish]

I’m going to make you share Ianto audio opinions now :D Sorry I know there’s like 9 million of those

Dhhdhdhd you’re all good, everyone needs to know my hot takes on their favorite blorbo that is just A Guy

Fall to Earth: Very good! The beginning of a long saga of Ianto having audios with women who are cooler than him, also he’s a dumbass and Myfanwy has insurance now

Broken: honestly, this one is overhyped in my opinion. It’s still very good, but people scream so much about it and I’m like “…poodle goo”. That said, it is a classic, content warnings for depression and suicide attempt, but it’s really doing its best to establish the janto dynamic behind s1

The Office of Never Was: this one features a darker side of Ianto which is very interesting, but also I barely remember any of the details due to me listening ages ago, but like yeah I think it’s good

The Last Beacon: PEAK GO LISTEN IMMEDIATELY, beloved romp and Ianto-Owen character dynamics

Serenity: definitely my preferred Janto audio, dumbasses in the suburbs, violence and swinging attempts and Ianto just slowly losing his mind (affectionate)

Expectant: okay so this isn’t good. I wouldn’t even necessarily say it’s fun. There’s not even that much Ianto in it. But goddamn there’s something about it, so many things that are mentioned and not explored and there are slippers and whale songs okay (also gross birth noises so be warned)

Dinner and a Show: yes very good! just a good fun romp at the opera with aliens and cheap knock-off Welsh Prosecco

Ex Machina: genuinely such an interesting concept, unreality warning heavy, but I really enjoyed it

Rhys and Ianto’s Execllent Barbecue: oh my god this is literally a masterpiece on grief and masculinity and also there’s a cool time bubble and a guinea pig, mandatory listening

Coffee: fun and painful and just like, a lot of it is kinda basic but when it hits it HITS

The Great Sontaran War: okay genuinely a pretty solid one, goss needs to stop trying to write marginalized people, but there’s a sontaran in a trailer park with a cat named Group Marshal Cat and Ianto is just trying his best, so

The Grey Mare: okay it’s not bad, but it is a pretty basic spooky tale, I heard someone describe it once as a plot that it didn’t have to be Ianto, and that’s pretty fair

Restricted Items Archive Entries 031-049: this is my personal favorite honestly, both for the almost anthology type vibe of all the entries, and because this author Gets Ianto and it’s just so fun and also a bit ouchy as it should be

SUV and The Lincolnshire Poacher: okay, haven’t heard these, but based on vibes poached from my friends, SUV is good, and Lincolnshire Poacher is slowburn Ianto whump and I mean slowburn because he doesn’t show up for a while, so don’t expect him right away, but I’m not gonna write it off

The Torchwood Archive: very good, domestic janto in the most weirdest and in character way honestly, lmao

Outbreak: YES SO GOOD, be warned for a virus plot and scratching noises, but like worth it for all of the vibes, who doesn’t want to have your boyfriend try to murder you because he loves you and your best friend mock you for your shit tie, so good

Believe: okay so his plot is probably the most interesting/best one, but overall it’s really just not that good, not really worth it

Torchwood One: god fuck you Alyssa I forgot about these, okay okay

Before the Fall: technically individual stories, but it’s really more like one big one, Rachel be girlbossing

Machines: Blind Summit is the one for Iantotent, man sorta gets supersoldiered and everyone forgets about it, I personally really like 9 to 5, the premise Bangs. Also the law machines is here, it’s okay I guess

Latter Days: Retirement Plan lets Ianto James Bond it up, Locker 15 is solid, the Rockery isn’t a Ianto story but it is my favorite from the set so 😤

Nightmares: honestly, the best set, both My Guest Tonight (not a Ianto story), and Lola are very solid, LESS MAJESTY IS FARCE AND FUCKING HILARIOUS

TLDR: honestly he doesn’t really have a Bad one, but some are better than others :3

[capricioussun]

The reason i say i have like seven different versions of UF on rotation in my brain is because there are several different Styles of UF that i really like and can never really decide on which I'd consider my Main one, on top of also Lore, which i have a few different ideas for, too.

So like, we have the one i talk abt most often probably, which we'll call AngstFell, because. I'll be honest i love angst and i love doing terrible things to characters. This is the one where they have core issues, supply issues, food shortages, LVlost culling, very complicated and sort of miserable relationships between just about all of the characters. No One is having a good time pretty much, but despite everything, there is still hope...

Then there's how i often mentally refer to it as SillyFell, which is basically just like. If everyone in UT decided to try to be mean and was mostly really bad about it. In this one, things are still generally worse, but having LV is still somewhat uncommon, mostly only guards would have it, and people are generally more sad than they are mean/angry.

And then we have what's probably """closest to canon""" as far as my understanding of it goes, where it's sort of somewhere in between the two prior ones, in that there's definitely still silliness, and their UT selves aren't too far removed from them, but it still can get pretty heavy, and problems aren't as surface level as Silly.

Then we have my """fanon"""fell which is essentially something I've done for most AUs, where i try to imagine circumstances that could possibly, believably (by my own standards and interpretations) make the characters behave more in line with fanon portrayals. This one's way more difficult to summarize since the changes are more character specific, but generally, as far as "seriousness" goes, it falls in a similar place as "Canon"Fell.

And then there's Tale to Fell (v.1) which is essentially based around the idea that UF kind of started as UT, but slowly became UF due to Circumstances like core trouble and slightly different events going down with the humans, both during the war, and with what happened to Chara and Asriel. (End results are similar to "Canon"Fell)

But there's also Tale to Fell (v.2) which is based on the premise of UT slowly becoming UF after Frisk has fallen into the underground due to waaay too many resets and gradual code fuckery. (Opposed to v.1, this is actually a concept I've never seen explored before! Not to say it isn't out there somewhere, but i have a rough draft layout of a potential fic abt it that will...probably never happen bc it would take a lot of commitment lol)

So we have those bad boys, but then there's also differences depending on Lore. Like there's one version i think of sometimes where Papyrus is the older brother, or a version where Gaster didn't make Sans and Papyrus but was actually their adoptive uncle, and another with Gaster Papyrus where, as it goes, the incident that "shattered" Gaster created Papyrus, one where Undyne knew the bros as kids briefly, one where Asgore's just Terrible for like, no real reason, like. There are a lot of ways to think about it!!

And that's not even taking into account all of the Fell based story ideas like the psychonauts one, the one where the bros are gb shifters, one where Papyrus is [redacted], one where there's a zombie like plague outbreak that can only affect monsters with LV, one where Frisk winds up living underground with them all for a Hot Minute, and then of course there's the AUs, like Vesselfell, Horrorfell, Heartfell, Lovefell, Invertedfell, Orangefell, that mysterious one I've been mulling and have not talked about at all with Albatross-

Clearly i am very normal about this 👍

[latenightcinephile]

Film #916: 'The White Ribbon', dir. Michael Haneke, 2009.

If there's one mood that unites everything produced by the Austrian director Michael Haneke, it's that of disquiet. He gained global notoriety for his alarming and confrontational Funny Games (1997), which he remade in English in 2007, and achieved a string of successes with bleak films such as The Piano Teacher (2001), Caché (2005), and Amour (2012), the latter of which gave Haneke his first Academy Award nomination for Best Director. The White Ribbon, which was nominated for Best Foreign Language Film, is also a tremendous example of Haneke's stately and discomforting style of filmmaking. Like many of his feature films, it's about a world in which violence erupts suddenly and seemingly without cause.

In a small German village in 1913, we follow the stories of three families - headed, respectively, by the doctor, the pastor, and the baron - and the experiences of the midwife and the schoolteacher whose lives intersect with the events of the village. In the opening moments, the doctor rides up to his gate at speed. The horse falls in a spectacular fashion, and the doctor is thrown, injuring himself so badly that he will spend months, unseen, in hospital. Someone has stretched a wire between two trees, but before an investigation can begin, the wire has been removed. Further accidents befalls the town: a woman is killed falling through a rotten floor; her son takes vengeance on the baron by destroying the cabbage fields on the day of the harvest festival. The baron's son goes missing that same day, and is found injured the next morning, in the sawmill where the woman died. A barn burns down.

Haneke's screenplay chooses to leave these events mostly unexplained, but the violence spreads. The pastor's daughter, humiliated in front of her siblings, gets vengeance by murdering his parakeet. The steward's son at the baron's estate jealously attacks the baron's son. The midwife's son is also abducted, but his injuries are more severe and the boy may go fully blind. Whether his recovery is helped or hindered by the doctor is an open question, as the doctor has abruptly ended his affair with the midwife. The parade of mysteries and recriminations is so unrelenting that, when a scene is suddenly interrupted by the announcement that Archduke Ferdinand has been shot, we realise that we'd completely forgotten that was on the way. The outbreak of the war understandably eclipses all other concerns, but stymies the audience, who are denied any real answers - especially as the story culminates with several main characters completely disappearing.

'Watch who comes to help', the film seems to instruct us, and we gain partial access to the film's events through the eyes of the schoolteacher, our narrator. Suspicious at the interest the pastor's children have taken in Karli, the blinded boy's, convalescence, the schoolteacher intuits that the children of the village are responsible for many of the mishaps. There is certainly no shortage of motive against the men who run the town - the doctor abuses his daughter, the pastor severely punishes his children to try and keep them pure, the baron seems indifferent to everyone who works his land or populates his life - but many of these details are unknown to the schoolteacher, or to the gossips who formulate a different theory about the midwife and the doctor. What the outbreak of war does mean is that the schoolteacher is drafted, never returning to the village again and unable to provide any closure.

After watching the film, I discussed with the people in our viewing party our best guesses of whodunit. Our immediate suspicions also fell on the children of the village, because we'd been given enough insights into what was really going on that the schoolteacher's suspicions seemed well-founded. Despite this, I can't be entirely sure, which is certainly the point of Haneke's film. The idle speculation of the village's gossips is, on the face of it, as plausible as any other explanation, and this ambiguity is exacerbated by the extremity of some of the events. Children can burn down a barn, of course. They could possibly descend to blinding another child. They probably couldn't make multiple adults disappear, though... could they? Do we even think those disappearances are malevolent? Or are they the reasonable actions of the doctor, a man who fears he's about to be exposed as a molester, and the midwife, a woman who sees a village spiralling out of control and threatening her son?

Haneke is no stranger to this type of ambiguity. Caché revolves around a family being threatened by anonymous videotapes, but although we get some good suspicions of who is responsible, we can never be entirely sure of it, or even that the videotapes are meant to be menacing at all. In The White Ribbon, a similar type of uncertainty occurs. The film's narrative is even framed as the remembrances of an old man, so we can't even be certain that details aren't embellished within the world of the story, despite the precision of the film's black and white cinematography and objective, locked-off shot framings.

The experience of the film is also a test of the viewer's ability to recall and differentiate information. Is the girl fired from the baron's employ the same as the farmer's daughter, who was earlier described as having a job that keeps the family afloat? For a film that takes so much care with its imagery and sound, it's surprisingly disorienting - even Roger Ebert's review mistakenly remembers the murder of a child. We're eased into The White Ribbon as an experience of a whodunit - mysteries are posed, and we've been taught that with careful attention we can tease apart the riddles a film presents. But, as with Haneke's other films, no amount of note-taking or diagramming can explain things beyond the shadow of a doubt.

So what is the film, at long last, about? Haneke described the film in an interview as being about the inhumanity of rigid ideas, and how these strong moral ideas become the basis for evil. Ironically, the pastor attempts to teach his children right and wrong, and punishes them for even the most minor of infractions, not realising that this treatment might be causing his children to commit even worse sins. Meanwhile, the adults of the village, supposedly old enough to know right from wrong, inflict their own kinds of atrocities on each other and the children.

The results of this inhumanity spare nobody. Some characters, either explicitly or implicitly, realise that the only way to save themselves from the creeping damage, is to leave entirely. This could explain what happens to the midwife and her son although, of course, Haneke will not tell us for sure. It certainly explains the baroness's decision to leave her husband, shortly before the Archduke's assassination is announced. "I'm going so that my children don't grow up in surroundings dominated by malice," she tells her astonished husband, confessing that she has fallen in love with another man who, evidently, shows more interest in her and the children than her husband does.

It's not just the floor of the sawmill that has rotted away - "it's all rotten", a character warns another. When these horrible events befall the town, there is a natural tendency to seek answers, and to punish the culprits, but Haneke suggests that there is no easy way of doing this, and perhaps no point even if there was. The problem is not entirely with the children, if they were the ones responsible for doing these things, but rather with rigid morals handed down, which stunt them and drive them to further violence. The pastor, suspecting his son is masturbating, has him tied to his bed each night until his cravings pass. His children wear white ribbons when they need to be reminded to preserve their innocence, but these states of grace are short-lived, and the pastor relents and gives his children communion anyway. He learns nothing about what he is responsible for, and when he is confronted by the schoolteacher in one of the final scenes, he threatens to have the schoolteacher imprisoned.

The power structures of the village have rotted through, and tainted another generation who, having learned the difference between right and wrong, appoint themselves magistrates. In order to achieve this, though, they have to injure others to protect themselves, and the cycle continues. The outbreak of war doesn't stop this cycle - Haneke seems to see it as a different outlet of the same eternal poisons.

The White Ribbon is, funnily enough, one of the more accessible of all Michael Haneke's films, if you can stomach the oppressive feeling that lies over everything. It's less explicit than Funny Games, for example - most of the violence in this film is offscreen, which makes the moments of violence we do see all the more jarring - and more eventful than Caché. Like his other films, though, it lingers: knowing the message that Haneke seems to be trying to send doesn't put The White Ribbon to rest. "To function, art has to rub salt in the wounds", he says. "What interests me when I read a book or a movie are works that make me uneasy, that make me think of new problems, instead of those that reassure me. The films that I retain are those that disturb me."

[iturbide]

Thanks for the Emmeryn stuff! It does help! I really like the idea she hugs Chrom too tight cuz she's been worried. ; u ; Do you have any more ideas about how she is with her siblings, or like, with close friends, where she can be a little more casual? How does she react to Lissa's pranking people? (does Lissa ever prank her?) Do you think she was taught how to use any weapons, like to defend herself?

I'M SO GLAD THAT IT HELPS I love Emmeryn a lot and have a lot of thoughts about her because of it. ;v; So I absolutely have more ideas about her relationships with people she's close to hold tight.

Emmeryn loves her siblings so much. They, more than anything else, are what keep her going and give her the strength to hold firm in her beliefs. She wants to make a better world for them -- and while it certainly has benefits for all the people of Ylisse, I think that first and foremost, she set her sights on peace for the sake of her siblings. Emmeryn spent her earliest years in a country falling to ruin because of her father's crusade, so as soon as she was crowned Exalt and had the power to do so, she ended the war and tried to make the peaceful world she couldn't have for herself, so that her siblings could have better childhoods than she did.

I suspect that Emm did everything in her power to give Chrom and Lissa that peaceful childhood -- which includes trying to give them as normal an upbringing as possible. Rather than push studies on her brother that would prepare him for future rule, should something happen to her, she arranged for more mundane tutealge: reading, writing, arithmetic, etc. She tried to ensure that her siblings would recognize that everyone in the halidom was deserving of equal respect, regardless of their class or place of birth. This contributes to Chrom and Lissa's easygoing manner with commoners and nobles alike (especially compared to Maribelle).

Related, but this also explains their inability to recognize Grimleal symbology like the eyes on Robin's coat: Emm never taught them how to spot Plegian iconography, to keep them from succumbing to the prejudices of the wider halidom, meaning that while they know enough of the history between Ylisse and Plegia, they don't actually have a solid visual reference for what Plegians might look like until they actually go to Plegia, by which point Robin is so ingrained in their friend group that they wouldn't dream of kicking them out.

As much as her siblings mean to her, though, Emm keeps a lot from them, telling herself that it's for their sakes. Even with Ylisse now at peace, politics are strenuous and frustrating at the best of times, a delicate balance of keeping multiple groups with disparate needs happy to avoid the outbreak of civil war. She never lets on about this to Chrom and Lissa, though, because she doesn't want to burden them: that sort of burden isn't part of the peaceful world she wanted to make for them, after all, so she shoulders all the pressure on her own. She does her best never to cry around her siblings, even if she wants to: her tears are a private release for her, and if Chrom or Lissa happens upon her while she's crying she will swiftly try to get back under control and pretend it didn't happen to avoid making them worry.

This isn't to say that Chrom and Lissa don't want to help, or haven't tried to take some duties on to make her life easier. I tend to think that Chrom taking over as Captain of the Shepherds was his way of trying to ease some of his sister's burden: by going afield and dealing with simpler matters on her behalf, she could focus on the larger issues facing the halidom. While Emm does wish that a militia weren't necessary, she does appreciate her siblings' willingness to act as her agents in the wider halidom (and beyond, when it eventually comes to Regna Ferox), seeing to matters she can't easily tend herself.

Emm might keep up some of the mask with her siblings so that she doesn't burden them with her problems, but she certainly doesn't keep them at the arm's length she does most people. Her smiles are warmer and her laughter more open, and she's much less reserved on the whole, showing much more emotion than she does in public (though she still keeps a firm lid on any frustration or anger she might feel, preferring to take a gentle yet firm approach in correcting their behavior). In private she enjoys lightly teasing them about minor embarrassments and fussing over memories of their youths that they find mortifying; she can also let loose and just be silly with them, making funny faces to get a laugh out of them.

Emm tries to encourage her siblings' pursuits as much as she's able, and so long as Lissa's pranks aren't hurting anyone, she's usually the sort to laugh it off and encourage others to do the same. It's just harmless fun, something to spice up the day. With that said, though, Lissa may have pranked Emm when she was much younger, but probably tapered off dramatically as she got older because she could see the stress it caused Emm when Lissa snuck a frog in her sleeve, and she really doesn't want to stress her big sister out because she loves her: it's not fun to see Emm in distress. The worst she does now is sneaking into her sister's study and putting all her quills and ink on the wrong side/in the wrong drawer.

With a partner or especially close friend, I like to think that Emm would be easygoing, expressive and excitable with a sweet smile and a sweeter laugh. She can be playful, but she also enjoys the quiet moments she can share with good company, the kind of comfortable silences that are only possible with people you share a deep bond with. She would even be willing to let down more of the walls that even her siblings aren't allowed to see past, once there's a suitable bond of trust (something that's not easily established -- she's well aware that of how people might try to win her favor just to abuse her station, and tends to over-scrutinize interactions for possible ulterior motives). For someone that close, Emmeryn would even be willing to express doubts and fears that she would never otherwise give voice to.

Emmeryn was almost certainly trained to defend herself, though she probably refused physical weapon training following her father's death and her rise to the throne. Her distaste for war extends to the arms associated with it, and she staunchly refuses to handle them. Instead, she focused on her magic training for self defense, building off the lessons she first received from her mother. At the end of the day, though, she will only use that magic as a last resort (she's already been wounded and is unable to run); she will always pick her staff first if she has the option.

I also love the idea that Emm was never trained to ride a pegasus, despite pegasi being emblematic of Ylisse: it was considered too dangerous, given the risk of grievous harm that could come from a fall, so she got some cursory instruction in horseback riding and that was it. She does wish she could have at least tried, though: she wonders if it would feel freeing to be up in the sky like that, the world and all the problems that go with it shrinking below her, and maybe then she would be able to breathe easy in ways she hasn't been able to in...perhaps as long as she can remember.

[moonykore]

BACKLOG OF GAMES

THIS IS THE LIST OF GAMES THAT I OWN. They are tagged with:

[completed, played on stream, VOD unavailable] indicates exactly what it says. The VOD is unavailable for any reason. I can play it again.

[completed off stream] this one indicates that even if I already played it I'm willing to play it again on stream.

[video here] which means that there is a video or more on my channel

[completed on stream, video/vod soon] which means that the vod or video will be uploaded soon.

────── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆.──────

GAMES

Little Misfortune [completed, played on stream, VOD unavailable]

3 O'clock Horror

Arruyo

Disco Elysium [completed off stream]

Life is Strange 2

The Outcast Lovers

A Raven Monologue

Subnautica

Tell Me Why

The Walking Dead [completed off stream]

What Never Was

Where the Water Tastes Like Wine

The Backroom - Lost and Found

Champ's nightmare

Classified Stories: Color out of space

Escape Room - The Sick Colleague

Fungiman

I'm on observation duty

It's dark

Our elusive suffering

Poppy Playtime

Samsara Room

Scarlet Hollow - Episode 1

SCP: Nukalypse

Solitude Underwater

Video Horror Society

Among Us [videos here]

Stardew Valley [videos here]

Dead By Daylight

Payday 2

The Timeless Child

We Were Here

Ann

Annie and the Art Gallery

Skyrim [completed off stream]

Milk inside a bag of milk inside a bag of milk

Moon hunters

Princess remedy in a world of hurt

The Rabbit's Scroll

To the Moon

Tower Princess: Knight's Trial

Wicked Games

Without End

You Will (Not) Remain

Yume Nikki

911 Operator

Cult of the lamb

My child lebensborn

Swallow the Sea

theHunter: Call of the Wild

Ballads At Midnight

Find Love or Die Trying

My Therapy

non-binary

one night, hot springs

Purgatory

A Taste of the Past

Who is The Red Queen?

Brothers: A Tale of Two Sons

Dark Deception

Despotism 3k

The Doll Beneath

The Night Fisherman

Dungeon of the ENDLESS

The End of it All

Equinox

Eragon's tale

The Good Time Garden

Grimm's Hollow

Gun Witch

Hollow Knight

Jesus Christ RPG Trilogy

Kach

Lay

Little Nightmares

The Looker

Mansions of Madness

Marie's Room

Martial Law

missed messages.

NEEDY GIRL OVERDOSE [completed on stream, vod unavailable]

Ori and the Blind Forest.

Outbreak Island

A Plague Tale: Innocence [completed off stream]

Alba: A Wildlife Adventure

Alien: Isolation [completed off stream]

Amnesia: Rebirth

Ancient Enemy

Ark

Bioshock Trilogy

City of Brass

Darkwood

Fallout 3

Evil Dead: the game

Filament

Frostpunk

Gods Will Fall

Hell is other demons

Hundred Days

Insurmountable

Iratus

Jotun

Maneater

Neverwinter

Nioh

Paradigm

Path of Exile

Prey

Quake

Ring of Pain

Tomb Raider: Anniversary [completed off stream]

Tomb Raider: Legend [completed off stream]

Tomb Raider: Underworld [completed off stream]

Tomb Raider 2013 [completed off stream]

Rise of the Tomb Raider

Shadow of the Tomb Raider

Rising Hell

Saturnalia

Tharsis

Wytchwood

The Vanishing of Ethan Carter

Terraria

Runaway Trilogy [completed off stream]

Secret Files: Tunguska [completed off stream]

Secret Files: Puritas Cordis [completed off stream]

King of Seas

Fallout: new vegas

Coffee Noir

Dagon

The Darkest Tales

Beyond Good and Evil [completed off stream]

Dex

Against the Moon

A Space for the Unbound

Lucifer within us [completed on stream, video/vod soon]

Cafe in the Clouds

Lavender

7 days in the fire mountain

Butterfly Soup

Lovewood

Winterlore I

Winterlore II

Latide's Plane

Me and My Eldritch Parasite

6 Feet Behind

Nameless - The Departed Cycle

Hampton Court

Roseblight

Doll House

Dear Mom

False Protagonists: A Queer Magical Story About The Rest Of Us

We are bonded kin

Bales of Amber

In your wiggly eyes

Zeitz Mach

Not Alone

Cerulean

Pillars on Poppy Hills

Grunge

Boiling Over

Finding Felicia

Dandelions

National Park Girls

To Kill a Black Swan

Song of the hunt

Make it Last

Terranova

Good Morning Hun

Inverness Nights

Lucah: Born of a Dream

Ciao Nonna

Brassica: A Marry Tale

Winter

Snow Angel

VISIGOTHS vs MALL GOTHS

Apartmen No.9

Pinewood Island

We should talk

All in Love and War.

A Normal Lost Phone.

The Morning Star.

Co-open.

My Alien Roomate.

What's your gender?

Stillwater.

Lookouts.

Symbiosis.

Candylight.

Bunflower.

Lunarrota.

Dark Sheep.

Redd's Runaway.

The Lost Cave of the Ozarks.

Sonny

Fo|rest

Project Mallow

Knight Bewitched

Lost dreams

Back to bed

Lydia

Meta Form

Prison of the magi

Bringris

Murder at the cat Show.

Wonderland Nights: White Rabbit's Diary

Infini

The Tower: The Order of XIII

Without Escape

Roll for Confidence.

RB: Axolotl

Planet Driver

Wheels of Aurelia

No Think

The Light at the End of the Ocean

Nauticrawl

Marginalia

MMM: Murder Most Unfortunate

Paranoihell

Self-Checkout Unlimited

Four Horsemen

Luna

Tales From Windy Meadow.

Bonbon

Amelie

Glittermitten Grove

Homunculus Hotel

Pendula Swing

Midnight Scenes

Explorers

Hero Hours Contact

Reminiscence in the Night

The Lost Night

Pixel Fireplace

Pumpkin Eater

Pale Cachexia

Be Not Afraid

Old Man's Journey

Bard Harder

The Black Iris

Democratic Socialism Simulator

Death and Taxes

Highway Blossoms

Changeling

Sagebrush

Midnight Scenes Ep. 1 & 2

Long Gone Days

Arcade Spirits

A Mortician's Tale

They Bleed Pixels

Sunlight

TowerFall Dar World Expansion

Shattered Planet

Promesa

Celeste

Bury me, my love

A Short Hike

Sundered: Eldritch Edition

Fatum Betula

INMOST

Evergate

Cloud Gardens

[z4nstories]

Sun on Beach☀️🌊

16 years ago, I was 8 years old. My brother Santos would have been 32 now, double his age back then and I suppose if he was here right now, he would have shown a smile of contentment, seeing my life right now. Happy for my peace but sorry too. So deeply sorry for the loss he probably thought he incurred on us. It wasn’t his fault though. War really has no victors especially when you’re conscripted at 16 - but I still think he should have fought to stay out of it. He missed out. Our family could have been alone on a distant shore in the east, where the sun rose in the sea and set again, inland - had he not gone out to war. Such a heavenly place I have found, away from that war. I wish, so deeply, that they could be here with me now. But they all died 16 years ago, alongside the ones already on their deathbeds, wrinkled and silver haired as well as the little ones atop their mothers chests on a hospital bed. All in a great war.

I find it funny that in the years preceding the war, we were at the peak of our civilization. Well we believed we were - and I do not think at the time, I could have imagined a world greater than that one we inhabited. All the fantasies of a past world were real, very real so much that on one Christmas day, we gave our veteran grandfather that car he wanted so dearly in his youth, except it could fly. There was no concept of an economy, no rich or poor. Just peace.

We never thought it’d come to this. Behind the sea, a few miles behind the sandy shores I sit on, there is nothing. It is as though since the outbreak 16 years ago, it persisted in remaining a battlefield. First it was a battlefield for humanity, then nature against our sins and faults. Plants don’t grow inland and birds fall from the sky if they get too close, like that one Greek story of Icarus, the boy who flew too close to the sun. But the birds were born to fly; it was us who flew too close to the sun and they had to pay for it.

As a child, my parents sacrificed their lives to save my siblings. Our eldest brother Santos was at war but the rest of us fought the world to survive. When we were hungry we found only the rotting corpses of deers, cattle and rats in the scorched fields. If we were thirsty, we met a great vast ocean and rejoiced as if victorious against a great opposition but when the first of us fell after drinking from it, we looked closely and found it was green and red in pollution and bloodshed. And it flowed on for miles. When night fell one day, one of my brothers, aged 14, took a knife to my sister’s throat then to his and by the time we arrived to intervene, it was just red and we hated him for it, but the two dead on the floor were smiling and shedding blood stained tears from their eyes. I suppose he was the smart one out of us, because soon enough, we had fled so far from ‘civilization’ that the only ones left were us. And well - we had to survive didn’t we? 

In the end I lived. I believe I am the last survivor of not just my family but our species and part of me feels as though that would be quite ideal for me. I don’t think I alone could keep them from ruining this place. These golden shores turn silvery at night and are forever soft and comforting like a mother’s embrace. The ocean isn’t green anymore and there is nobody left to paint it red, which means that the fish have come once again to the shoreline and are visible through the clear water that rolls back and forth like the unravelling of a golden scroll at day and a silver one at night. When it is time to start the day, the sun greets me from the other side of the ocean; so warm and bright a greeting I had never been offered before these days. 

These days are better than our futuristic civilization. I think my family would have agreed. I think humanity would have too.

Insta won't let me post this whole pic 😭

[gryficowa]

I love how anti-Russian people use Russia's past to spread hatred towards Russians and anyone who looks at Russians even slightly positively (Because many of them are LGBT+ and is anti-Putin) is suddenly considered "Spreading propaganda about the good Russian"

Information for you: According to this logic, Ukraine is also bad, because Ukrainians, before they gained the land, were bad people and raped Polish women, yes, you heard right, this is the history of Ukrainians, and does it mean that what Putin is doing is fucking good? No it doesn't and it shouldn't fucking matter because these Ukrainians who are alive today are not the Ukrainians who raped Polish women, you fuckers

Seriously, Ukrainians did a lot of bad things to Poles, which you want to erase to show that all Russians are bad because "Their history shows them as evil"

"Even before the outbreak of the German-Soviet war, both Polish and Ukrainian political and military organizations operated in Volhynia. They were in sharp conflict with each other. After June 1941, quite a large part of the Ukrainian political circles in Volhynia decided to cooperate with the Germans - to such an extent that that Ukrainians constitute the main part of the auxiliary police forces in this area. They participate in carrying out the Holocaust of Jews and take part in the pacification of villages - both Polish and Ukrainian"

"As the months of the war pass, the tension in Polish-Ukrainian relations systematically increases. In 1942, we are dealing with increasingly frequent physical attacks on the Polish population - both the intelligentsia and the peasant population. In the fall of 1942, about six thousand Ukrainians leave the German auxiliary forces and join the underground, which causes a new, very important military and political factor to appear in Volhynia. The structures of the Ukrainian Insurgent Army are being formed, which remains in a very close alliance or is simply politically subordinated to the Organization of Ukrainian Nationalists, a splinter group led by Stepan Bandera. Poles decide to enter the place abandoned by Ukrainians. This is done in consultation with the structures of the Polish Underground State and not to help the Germans, but to create an opportunity to defend against attacks from those Ukrainians who went underground. Ukrainian political groups, but also part of the Ukrainian population, view the takeover by Poles of functions previously performed by Ukrainians as extremely negative"

You see right, Ukrainians hurt Poles, so according to this logic you should hate them…

The history of Ukraine is quite bloody (And that's probably why Zionists think that Poles collaborated with the Nazis, so eh…)

So should I be anti-Ukraine because evil ancestors hurt Poles? No, there's something wrong with your head

What Putin is doing is inexcusable, but I blame Putin because he is a shitty person

This turned out to be a series of posts, so you see…

But I can't hate someone for their country of origin or ethnicity, I hate people for supporting genocide, or I mention the problem (I compared Russians and Israelis in previous posts because I noticed a key difference that is ignored, which is trust in your government, so yeah...)

I don't like Russia and Putin, but that doesn't mean I have to hate Russians, because many Russians are wonderful people, just like Jews who are hated by Zionists and some pseudo-pro-Palestinians (Mainly with right-wing views…), let's stop judging people for their origin and ethnicity, and for what kind of people they are

[ancientyaoi]

So much of The Aeneid is a reference to the Odyssey and the Iliad. The first half of the epic (with voyages like the Odyssey) is more successful than the second half (a war story like the Iliad), in my opinion, as the Trojans were much more interesting in their travels than at war. It does not help that the I read the Iliad recently, so I remember how emotionally charged it was. The war parts of The Aeneid just fall flat in comparison. Plus, lol, it ended with unearned yaoi:

"Should I let you slip away, wearing what you tore from one I loved? Pallas sacrifices you, Pallas punishes your profane blood" (p. 305, Bartsch)

One I loved? Aeneas you barely knew him! You just met! Lol! Of course, since Aeneas has spent most of the epic lying his ass off maybe this too is a lie used to justify his actions.

There is this scene tho:

"[Pallas] took Aeneas' hand and clung to it as they left the river, heading for the grove." (p.178, Bartsch)

Which could mean nothing, and probably doesn't, especially because this touchy-feeliness is not unusual for the Romans:

"It was standard Roman practice, at least among men of the elite, to use a kiss as a friendly greeting, and there was so much kissing at court that at one time it had to be banned to prevent the spread of a nasty outbreak of infectious herpes." (p.178, Beard)

Whatever the case, we did not learn enough about Pallas to truly care about his death or Aeneas' revenge. Maybe it really is just a roundabout criticism of Augustus who justified many murders with filial piety. If we had gotten to know Pallas, like we knew Patroclus in the Iliad, we would be able to justify, emotionally, Aeneas' excessive violence. But we did not get to know him. If we view this as intentional on Vergil's part, then we are not intended to feel too sorry about Pallas' death, nor are we intended to admire Aeneas's acts.

Cited:

The Aeneid, Translated by Shadi Bartsch (Random House, 2021)

Emperor of Rome by Mary Beard (Liveright, 2023)

[nacricissa]

happy (late, thanks to dumblr) WBW from @magic-is-something-we-create!!! in your post about nihils, you mentioned that they happen when vampires turn into wraiths or vice versa - how rare are nihils because of that? is someone in-world likely to think they even exist?? and are there any significant historical figures that are or were nihils??

i hope you have a lovely day/night!!!

First of all, both vampires and wraiths are recent phenomenon. So, they are at the beginning of the story not broadly known, and also very rare. After the pandemic begins, the highest rate of spread is among wraiths, because wraith nests tend to attract people. While the most common outcome of falling into a wraith nest is to die and thus join it, the odd escapee does occur (though they will often succumb and either simply die or become a nest not too long after). After that is vampires, which pick in spread later because they are more mentally there, which means they themselves have to figure out how they are spreading their condition, and even once they do they are less likely to want to do it than a wraith, who can spread their condition almost entirely by accident.

Nihils are extremely rare. They are hard to make, and even within populations of vampires they are not thought to exist. This is because you turn a human into a vampire by draining them of their darkness without killing them, but wraiths generally are made mostly of darkness, and so are very hard to entirely drain, never mind without killing them (draining darkness is often accomplished by draining blood). The inverse is also true. Draining a person's faith is difficult, because a wraith will more often just drain a person's faith in the wraith themself, rather than as a whole. A wraith nest will drain as a whole, but it also drains very fast, so it is likely that a person will lose all their memory and sense of self before their ability to drain it from others takes hold, making them join the nest.

A skilled vampire can circumvent either of these issues, and such beings come into existence after about 5-10 years after the outbreak, which occurs in 1897. This means that deliberately created Nihils begin to become relevant in the leadup to the first world war (the outbreak begins near the German/Austro-Hungarian border). This is also the point at which regulation of turning begins, in the form of power dynamics within vampire communities, the expungement of wraith nests by effective quarantine procedures, and the development of a secret society devoted to eliminating them which was meant to be a con but accidentally contains the first nihil (who was created directly from the source of the epidemic, rather than by community spread) and so turns out to be a very effective chilling effect on making more wraiths, vampires, and especially nihils.

In terms of relevant historical figures, the first nihil ends up being important in some historical events, and also Rasputin and David Bowie are nihils.

[castleofcuntdracula]

I accidentally made a canonical timeline for Simfield Decades.

If he was conscripted into WW1:

that means he was 18 some time before Nov 1918.

He was called up in autumn/winter, and the highest rates of conscription in that season were October & November of 1916.

The minimum fighting age at that point was 19, and simfield was born in spring.

Training at the time lasted around 3 months, so if he was called up in the winter of 1916, he'd be fully trained just in time for his 19th birthday in the spring of 1917.

By this logic, he was born in 1898 and will be 32 when he goes to castle Dracula.

Working backward, he graduated secondary school in 1916, meaning he started in 1910.

Right now in my game it's the winter of 1918/19!

More complete timeline below!

So, following:

~1892: Margaret Renfield is born.

~1894: Edith Renfield is born.

~1896: Stillbirth of a boy, Albert Renfield

Spring 1898: Robert Montague Renfield is born.

summer (?) 1899: Florence Renfield is born.

Autumn (?) 1899: Florence Renfield dies.

1904: Robert Renfield starts primary school.

1904 (approximately concurrent): Mary-Elizabeth Renfield is born.

1905/6: Winnifred Renfield is born.

1906: An outbreak of measles in their city catches up with the family, resulting in the death of their maid-of-all work, Ada.

1907? (6 months later): Henrietta Renfield is born.

Autumn 1909: Mary-Elizabeth Renfield begins primary education.

Winter/spring 1910: Robert gets sick, badly, and spends most of the summer holiday in bed. He's left with lingering food sensitivities and general bad vibes.

Autumn 1910: Robert starts secondary school.

Late summer, 1911: Margaret Renfield gets married, becoming Margaret Datta.

Spring 1912: Margaret has twins, Brennan and Marjorie Datta.

Autumn 1912: Robert's school puts him on the beloathed diet

Winter of 1912: Outbreak of illness in Robert's dorms; 2 boys die.

Winter/spring 1913: Robert decides he hates food forever and will only eat strawberry cake.

Mid Summer 1914: Archduke Franz Ferdinand assassinated.

Late summer 1914: Renfield family suffers another outbreak of disease, leaving Edith scarred & with damage to her sight and hearing. British forces arrive in France.

Autumn 1914: Robert starts fifth year.

Autumn 1914: First Battle of the Marne.

Winter 1914/15: Robert misses exams while ill in the school infirmary. Germany begins naval blockade of great Britain.

Spring 1915: Robert breaks his ankle falling from a horse. German forces sink the Lusitania.

Autumn 1915: Robert starts his 6th and final year of secondary school and begins a physical/romantic relationship with Glenn.

Autumn/winter 1915: Margaret has twins, Magdalena and William. William dies a few hours after birth.

Winter/spring 1916: UK passes the military service act, making all men aged between 18 and 41 eligible for conscription. Robert, still 17, takes his final exams and applies for university.

Early Autumn 1916: Robert begins studying at university, and begins a playful courtship with his landlady's daughter, Charlotte, which she initiates.

Winter 1916: Robert is conscripted. He promises to marry Charlotte, if he returns.

Spring 1917: Robert ships out. Various of war happenings, leave, ect, ensue. He picks up habits of smoking, drinking, and sleeping on the hardest available surface.

Nov 11th, 1918: Armistice of Compiègne is signed, and the great war ends.

Nov ? 1918: Robert returns to his childhood home and promptly gets horrendously ill with H1N1 influenza.

Nov/Dec 1918: Edith Renfield dies from the same illness.

And that's where we're at!