#and boy oh boy are some of the opinions im experiencing while studying making me mad!!!!

[ruthlesslistener]

listen I am about as pro-abortion as anyone can be, but aborting a baby just because they have Down's Syndrome should be fucking illegal. If you're someone who actively wants and is trying for a child, then you should be mentally, financially, and emotionally willing to provide for that child for the rest of your life if something goes wrong- because that is what being a good parent takes, and many many things can go wrong. Down's Syndrome is not at all close to the worst thing that can happen to a baby, and people with it can grow up to be happy, healthy, content adults- they just need a little bit of extra help and a different approach to raising them. If you just want a 'normal' child so that you can boot them out of your house when they turn 18 and have them around to take care of you when you're older, then you don't actually want children, you want an investment. A doll, not a family member. Not a person.

[bokunosoul]

Class 1 - a reacting to reader that is like Violet evergarden

TW : Killing

When they first met you.They were shocked to see an foreigner from a country in America.Oh god how can i explain, your beauty is out of the world even though you have an stoic expression plastered on your face.

Mineta be like : oh fucc an angel 🤩😇✨.You are'nt.

One time deku accidentally bumps into you and he suddenly felt a metalic thing from your hands.He just assumed that it is related from you quirk and he apologizes to you said that it was fine.

That when you changed into your UA P.E uniform.

You indeed have robotic arms attatched from your shoulders.

Everyone was like is'nt that cheating?

Bakugou was even confused on how tf did you even passed the test and got a high score and also got into class 1 - a even though you are a person with disability.

Aizawa said that your disablity does'nt matter and it is also an exception and you passed with your skills even though you dont have arms and mostly relied on your prostetic ones.Honestly he's impressed on you

h̶e̶w̶o̶n̶t̶a̶d̶m̶i̶t̶i̶t̶h̶e̶s̶e̶e̶s̶p̶o̶t̶e̶n̶t̶i̶a̶l̶i̶n̶y̶o̶u̶.

The other students are impressed on how meanwhile you kept an stoic face. Your quirk is also cool and you can keep up with the harsh standards of UA.

Iida likes how responsible and always in the state of mind even when you are criticised or made fun of.

The girls asked about your backstory and everyone is all ears one hearing it e̶v̶e̶n̶m̶r̶.l̶o̶r̶d̶m̶u̶r̶d̶e̶r̶e̶x̶p̶l̶o̶s̶i̶o̶n̶

You said that you lost it while saving your commander who raised you in an battle a couple of years ago.

You admitted on killing a bunch of your enemies and helping out the military in a battle field you said that you train everyday to get better and to be a and deliver a bunch of weapons on the battlefield.

The government lets you off the hook because it's considered an self defense and you are also young.

You were basically an emotionally detached soldier that settles into postwar life.

Everyone has mixed emotions like sad, scared, fazed.Iida asks if you need a psychiatrist you said you already have one (lmao man is reliefed and so is the others and t̸h̸e̸f̸a̸c̸t̸t̸h̸a̸t̸y̸o̸u̸k̸i̸l̸l̸e̸d̸s̸o̸m̸e̸o̸n̸e̸ haunts them) .

They are also ready to throw hands when someone makes fun of you.

Mineta is 😃scared😃of😃you😃.Kirishima thinks your manly and gets tearful in your backstory💪.

You also said that you were highly experienced on using military weapons like bombs, guns, hand in hand combat and teamwork.

You also complimented Bakugo on how his quirk reminded you of the explosions in the battlefield (man is shookt and he is like : is that an insult? ) he ended up blasting a loud ass explosion you just standed there not scared and seemed to bd used to it.

you be like : 👁️👄👁️ yea im used to it.

H̶e̶t̶h̶i̶n̶k̶s̶y̶o̶u̶r̶s̶o̶m̶e̶e̶m̶m̶o̶t̶i̶o̶n̶l̶e̶s̶s̶w̶a̶r̶f̶r̶e̶a̶k̶.Y̶o̶u̶r̶s̶t̶r̶o̶n̶g̶t̶h̶o̶a̶n̶d̶r̶e̶s̶i̶s̶t̶a̶n̶t̶t̶o̶h̶i̶s̶q̶u̶i̶r̶k̶.

Deku inspires a whole ASS 3 page in his notebook about you and questions your experiences in the battlefield while fighting if you want to

You agreed and he just started interviewing you while scribbling on his notebook.You were also interested on how he documents every students or heroes analysis.You also help him on how to write more specific details to add to his hero journal.

Present mic is also ✨amazed✨ on how you can speak english fluently. Everyone in the class is kinda having a bit trouble in that subject so during break time you ended up teaching them on how to improve on that subject.

You also rivals iida's intelligence and basically beside him on the rank 2 h̶e̶f̶e̶e̶l̶s̶t̶h̶r̶e̶a̶t̶e̶n̶d̶.Nonetheless you two get along since you two are the most responsible students in the class.

One time you ended up getting paired with shoji and hagakure to apprehend Mr.snipe and to be able to pass to go through training camp.

DAMNNN girl your basically the only one who can be able to dodge Mr.snipes quirk.SHEESH he's having an hard time targeting you since your fast.You ended up knocking him out from behind and the team wins because of you.

He complimented you and you replied in the most calm voice "I like how your bullets tried to target me too bad i ended up dodging it." he be like : 😃🤠🗿🔫 what? (overall he's so impressed on how you had no problem dodging his bullets)

KSKSKKSJA one time monoma tried copying you quirk on the sports festival he ended up touching your robot arms not your actual skin 😂 lmao he ended up loosing to you.

The whole class 1 - a : 👁️👄👁️,😃,😂🤭,😶 tf did i just witnessed.

Bakugo said that it is the most hilariously stupidest thing that he's ever seen.

Mei hatsume from the support course department adores you.One time your arms got deattatched she ended up reparing it and upgrading it to be more easy for you to use for your everyday life.

You also like her active energy and most of all you like the way she never gives up even tho her inventions failed and she tried again and again until she improves.

The fun started when you move into the dorms.Mineta almost passes out when he sees you armless.You were like : eh whatever you will get used to it 🗿.And everyone was like that how you clean or adjust your arms 👁️👄👁️.

They asked if you needed help.You said no thank you💀 (that's a bit harsh lmao).

They were like watching you clean in and attatch it they were like : 😬,🧐,🤔😮 , they also asked if it its painful and heavy attatching it (you said no thanks to mei she ended up making you easier to move everyday)

You thanked them for being concerned and explains that it does not hurt and you just fell basically numb.

When they also got to know you better you were such an calm nice person and you only kept to yourself.One time they tried making you laugh you just kept an face like this : 🗿 s t o i c.

They also noticed that you love writing waxed letters in your typewritter. A

Everyone in the class be like why dont you just use a phone.You said you did'nt have one they were like : 👁️👄👁️ uhm.They respected your opinion tho.

You also said that you also prefer writing your letters like this because most of your comrades back when you were working in the battlefield they use it as a way communicate to their family living far away from them.

They were so touched 🥰🥺💞.

BONUS : It was valetines day and UA is throwing kinda like an Valetines festival.Aizawa said that we can do anything like throw a party, create love booth anything valentines related.

So basically iida is at the front and everyone was making suggestions on what to do while you help him write your classmates suggestions on the board.

You suddenly said that why dont we do something diffirent and not that much common.Iida allowed you to speak so you did

" I was thinking on opening an confession booth where you can express your feelings to the one you love it can be basically to anyone for example a student,your friend, a teacher or your either your parents and we will write a love letter to them and help them declare your love to each other.Probably we will need a bunch of papers, envelopes, a typewriter and a bunch of people who is skilled in writing also we need someone that is skilled in baking to make heart shaped cookies like sato ."

Everyone was : 👁️👄👁️

"I think that is too much i humbly apologi-----." before you can continue iida interrupts you and said that it is the most amazing yet unique plan to capture someones heart in valentines day.

Everone likes your idea and Momo ended up volunteering buying the items and ingredients that you mentioned and Sato volunteers to bake the cookies and Deku volunteers on making the letters with you.

Meanwhile the others helped on decorating the so called "Love Confession Booth" that is located in your classroom.

The day comes and the whole upperclassmens are stoked to see what their underclassmens valetines booth are like.

An certain student from the general studies requested an love letter to give to the one she likes . You interview her whilst typing on your typewriter and she just spatted on how she really likes him and adored him.You ended up finishing the letter she requested a few minutes ago and putted it into an pink envelope and a heart shaped red cookie that sato maked.

She thanks you and a few moments a later she broughts in a boy and said that the love letter that you made worked and they ended up together.

Now the booth was empty bakugou was like : "NOW WHAT YOUR IDEA IS SO STUPID AND CHEE------."

The ground started rambling and a crowd appears mostly a bunch of upperclasmens and underclassmens mostly of them are begging you to make them a letter and even paid you.You said it is free and there is no need to pay.

Requests started pouring in and many of your upperclassmens praised the class on making good bussiness even the upperclassmens in the bussiness course loves your strategy in thinking of such an amazing idea that is eye capturing yet diffirent.

The class is overwhelmed but all of them and you managed to survive after a long day.

Thanks to you there are many upperclassmens dating now (lmao the teachers are like : is that even possible HSHHSHSHS) the seniors also gave you the nickname :cupid💘 (JSHS lmao)

Meanwhile the whole day your face is just like this : 🗿🗿🗿ok while writing cheesy love letters.

After a long day you opened your shoe locker and ended up getting a bunch of thank you letters, flowers, stuffed toys and a ton of chocolates.

You don't like sweets that much so you ended up giving some of them to your classmates as your valentines gif

Everyone was like blushing (●’◡’●)ﾉ when you handed them a thank you letter with a bunch of heart shaped chocolates.You even gave Mineta one.Lmao he ended up crying due to joy(e̶v̶e̶n̶t̶h̶o̶u̶g̶h̶y̶o̶u̶r̶s̶h̶i̶t̶t̶y̶y̶o̶u̶a̶d̶d̶s̶p̶i̶c̶e̶t̶o̶t̶h̶e̶a̶n̶i̶m̶e̶a̶s̶w̶e̶l̶l̶a̶s̶t̶h̶e̶m̶a̶n̶g̶a̶

Note : the gif not mine a̸n̸d̸s̸o̸a̸r̸e̸y̸o̸u̸

ORIGINALLY by : bokunosoul

[golddplatedd]

50 Questions

tagged by @tonyrights

1. What takes up too much of your time? watching movies and scrolling through tumblr lmao

2. What makes your day better? talking to my gf! talking to my sister! thinking about oswald! lots of things!

3. What’s the best thing to happen to you today? its 12:29 am so im gonna say the best part of yesterday was getting to see so much of my family and giving my mom some pretty silver hoops that i bought for her at disneyland i love my mom

4. What fictional place would you like to go to? hhhh asgard maybe? i wanna meet heimdall

5. Are you good at giving advice? generally no but i am a god listener!!

6. Do you have any mental illness? yeah i have certified™ major depressive disorder and anxiety! probably some other stuff too but i prefer not to think about it ;V

7. Have you ever experienced sleep paralysis? nah but i kinda want to

8. What musician inspired you the most? .......fall out boy.........they have gotten me through so much its astounding

9. Have you ever fallen in love? literally every time i see a cat on the street. oh you mean with a person? maybe but id prefer not to talk about it 

10. What’s your dream date? uhhh going somewhere cute like an aquarium or a museum and then going for a walk and getting ice cream! im a simple girl.

11. What do others notice about you?

usually how short i am which is rude tbh im 5′1″ thats NOT that short

12. What is an annoying habit you have? almost everything i do is annoying!!  kidding (sorta) but i think the most . annoying thing i do is like everything obsessively and then talk about it nonstop. like i cant just. mildly enjoy something. its all or nothing babey

13. Do you still talk to your first love? no not really! that train has sailed . or however the saying goes. we are like on good ish terms though i suppose

14. How many exes do you have? 2. and a half

15. How many songs are in your playlist? i . have like 50 spottify playlists but my main one (jams from my Barbie™ Jeep™) currently has 1140 songs

16. What instruments can you play? i played flute but i dont anymore, i currently play oboe and saxophone and im trying to teach myself ukelele and thinking about trying english horn but its so expensive!!!

17. What do you have the most pictures of? i have a lot of memes, pictures of loki and oswald, and pictures of new york lmao

18. Where would you like to go before you die? the Pyramid of the Sun in Teotihuacán!!!

19. What is your zodiac? leo sun, gemini moon, aquarius rising

20. Do you relate to it? not the leo sun so much but the rest of it, yeah!!

21. What is happiness to you? coffee.

22. Are you going through anything right now? im goin thru IT man im just trying to survive till june but life is testing me

23. What’s the worst decision you ever made? everything i did in high school!

24. What’s your favorite store? goodwill or rhino records!!

25. What’s your opinion on abortion? i am pro-choice wtf kinda question is this

26. Do you keep a bucket list? yes, here is a list of my favorite buckets:

im joking i dont have one lmao

27. Do you have a favorite album? I HAVE TOO MANY here are a few:

infinity on high -  fall out boy // disintegration - the cure // three cheers for sweet revenge - mcr // saturation trilogy -  brockhampton // unknown pleasures - joy division

28. What do you want for your birthday? i like books and money

29. What are most people’s first impression of you? i have literally no idea i think people usually think im weird. im a weirdo. i dont fit in

30. What age do you seem according to most people?

like 16 people still think im in high school ;(

31. Where do you keep your phone while you’re sleeping? charging next to my bed

32. What word do you say the most? worm or yeehaw (its awful)

33. What’s the oldest age you would date? like 25 tbh

34. What’s the youngest age you would date? 19 (i am 19)

35. What job/career do most people say would suit you? surprisingly, psychiatry (which im interested in)

36. What’s your favorite music genre? it varies from moment to moment (generally indie or emo or new wave lmao)

37. If you could live in any country in the world, where would it be? maybe canada or france

38. What is your current favorite song? baby boy - kevin abstract

39. How long have you had this blog for? like 5 years lmao  yikes

40. What are you excited for? GOING TO PARIS AND THEN SCOTLAND TO STUDY ABROAD THIS SUMMER!!!

41. Are you a better talker or listener? definitely listener.im . an emotional bottom

42. What is the last productive thing you did? hhhh i looked over lecture slides for tomorrow

43. What do you want for christmas? world peace. halloween 2. a sense of purpose. a new brockhampton album.  simple things really

44. What class do you get the best grades in? oof . generally my cognitive science classes or like writing classes surprisingly.

45. On a scale of 1-10, how are you feeling right now? like 7  im tired

46. What can you see yourself doing in ten years?

living in new york city baby!!

47. When did you get your first heartbreak? sophomore year of hs babey!!

48. What age do you want to get married? like 27-30 ish? idc

49. What career did you want to have as a child? i wanted to be a teacher and now i cant stand the thought jskjs

50. What do you crave right now? woter

i tag: @gebbylee @moonnddust @panoscosmatoes @jobaisnotreal @lokisfatpussy @vamploki  @pixelpastry @twentycuntpilots @ink-like-starlight and whoever else wants to do it lmao

[prideunbi]

what takes too much of your time?

school work oof 

what’s makes your day better?

music! talking to my sara and kit! and uh, history (lets pretend im not a nerd pls)

what is the best thing that happened to you today?

i’m stuck betwen loonas cover of fire by bts or twices comeback...both probs

what fictional place would you like to go to?

hmmm i’m not sure! 

are you good at giving advice?

i hope so..i try my best! i have such random knowledge and ideas, etc. so it can come off as unnerving.

do you have any mental illness?

i mean? if i were to self-diagnose, probably. but if not, then idk..probably.

have you ever experienced sleep paralysis?

nope! luckily.

what musician inspired you the most?

Camila Cabello..like wow. i’m in awe of her abilities and power.

have you fallen in love?

uh (:

what’s your dream date?

oh! either a picnic in a park where we just talk nd listen to music! probably going to a pretty coffeeshop before hand and getting iced coffee or something! (i’m in a summer mood. ask again in the cold months and it’ll be different..). ITS COLD WHEN IM DOING THIS NOW YEET! so definitely going to a coffee shop still and having hot chocolate, then going for a walk hand in hand (maybe going ice-skating uwu)

what do others notice about you?

My idiocy lol

what is an annoying habit that you have?

i bite the skin around my nails all the time its so bad lmao and I bite my lips

do you still talk to your first love?

everyday! (its myself)

how many ex’s do you have?

uh..four..i think. uh no comment lol

how many songs are in your playlist?

my massive gg playlist is getting more songs everyday...

what instruments do you play?

guitar (i alos run my mouth constantly does that count?)

who do you have the most pictures of?

uhmmmm i mean. my loona album is, perhaps, in the 700s.

where would you like to go before you die?

so many places oof. new hampshire, mainly..and back to Verona!

what’s your zodiac?

scorpio

do you relate to it?

mostly, yes. 

what is happiness to you?

sports! going on a run and beating my record! scoring a goal...winning a match! talking to the ppl i care about...feeling loved and knowing my friends know i adore them...listening to music and reading! A good cup of coffee!

are you going through anything right now?

my metaphorical man, yes, always.

what’s the worst decision you’ve ever made?

oh oof...giving up a sport that i loved...

what’s your favorite store?

H&M, bershka and stradavarius. 

what’s your opinion on abortion?

very very pro-choice. It’s the person who wants to have an abortions Choice!

do you keep a bucket list?

in my head yeet.

do you have a favorite album?

hmmm..love yourself: answer, probably..i adore every song on that album. and CAMILA

what do you want for your birthday?

a will to live

what are most people’s first impression of you?

“Intimidating as fuck” according to @roseblue-doodles

what age to you seem according to most people?

in appearance it ranges from college student to primary school student depending on what im wearing lol. mentally? like, 19+

where do you keep your phone while sleeping?

the kitchen downstairs

what word do you say the most?

shit, fuck 

what’s the oldest age would you date?

i like older guys...maybe 5? (namjoon is 24 so maybe 7 years ig...but like Irene is 28 so 11 years)

what’s the youngest age would you date?

Uhm...like a year?

what job/career do most people say would suit you?

Kit says genealogist/historian or journalist which is accurate yup. Anything involving some sort of research yeet  

what’s your favorite music genre?

uhhhh. rock and pop! (country as well shhh)

if you would live in any country in the world, where would it be?

verona- or close to verona as i can get, in italy...or spain. 

what’s your current favorite song?

currently uhhh KILL THIS LOVE, Boy with luv, and fancy!

how long have you have this blog for?

going on 4 years or so...i set it up cos of lauren jauregui and camila cabello for the a e s t h e t i c 

what are you excited for?

!!! avengers end game!!! and also school to finish

are you a better talker or a listener?

im good at both! depends on the circumstances tho

what is the last productive thing you did?

during my big exams i binge watched the flash and the 100 instead of studying two years ago.

what do you want for Christmas?

uhhhhhhhhh its too far away for me to think about. A ticket to fly to New Hampshire? (:

what classes do you get the best grades in?

history english and classical studies!

on a scale of 1-10 how are you feeling right now?

like a 7 or 8 

what can you see yourself doing in 10 years?

(hopefully rich i mean). living in italy or spain, working a job i’m happy with and with my pets...aka 25523625 cats and a turtle (...and probably a snake oof)

when did you first get your heartbreak?

oof. uhhhhh idk

at what age do you want to get married?

yikes idk if i’d be able to get married for a long ass time. 

what career did you want to have as a child?

singer/actor

what do you crave right now?

coffee.  thanks @jisungshotfirst for tagging Brb I’ve hit my max length lol

[foursproutlove-blog]

The Oral Sex Gap Is Real And I’m Not OK With It

New Post has been published on http://foursprout.com/love/the-oral-sex-gap-is-real-and-im-not-ok-with-it/

The Oral Sex Gap Is Real And I’m Not OK With It

What does a woman have to do around here to get some head?

I’ve been in relationships almost exclusively since I was a teenager, and, until recently, had only ever slept with the men I’d been dating. I’ve since had a foray into the hellish casual dating game, and I’ve observed a phenomenon which makes the sex-positive part of me absolutely livid.

Women are basically expected to give a blow-job, but the chances of the favor being returned are slim at best.

Looking back, it’s something I (and countless other women) have experienced time and time again.

I can barely remember my first couple of high-school boyfriends offering to go ‘downtown’ at all, but I’ve always excused them because we were bumbling teens who were still so inexperienced and young, both learning about sex as we went, so I never held it against them.

My first partner as an adult never went down on me, except maybe a handful of times when we first got together, but he expected a blow-job every time we had sex, and almost daily as a rule. Upon reflection, he was a misogynistic asshole, and so I concluded this was why he never offered to return the favor.

My next boyfriend was much more even-handed with the oral sex. While the numbers still skewed in his favor (mainly because I actually enjoy giving head so much I’d regularly offer to give him one as it got me off as well), it still was in no way equal.

And don’t even get me started on how unfair casual hook-ups are with giving oral sex. In the seven month period I was playing the field and had a friends-with-benefits arrangement, I could literally count the number of times I was attended to on one hand, and I don’t have enough fingers or toes to represent how many times I was gently encouraged to go down on him.

Which is fine, and I’m not complaining about having to give a blow-job or two, but it’s the unfairness of the arrangement which really makes me frustrated.

In a study from The Canadian Journal of Human Sexuality, it was recorded that while over 63 percent of men recorded receiving oral sex as part of their last sexual encounter, the number sat at around 40 percent for women.

The same study also found that overall, between men and women, oral sex was far more pleasurable if given by a long-term partner in a committed relationship – sorry, single friends.

An informal poll of my closest girlfriends confirms there is definitely an oral sex gender gap. The girls in relationships say it goes both ways, but they definitely give more than they receive.

The ones who are single basically laughed in my face when I asked if they were getting an acceptable amount of oral sex.

“Unless I literally beg for it, guys avoid going down there with their tongue as if it’s going to kill them,” one of them told me.

Another went into more detail about why she thinks there is a bit of a gap. “When I hook-up with guys and they do go down on me, I’ve never orgasmed. I think it’s because I spend the whole time worrying about what they think of my pink bits and so I can’t completely relax because ultimately, they’re strangers and I’m not totally comfortable.”

She hits at the crux of the issue.

So many women are too worried about whether they smell alright, what they taste like down there or what someone might think of their vagina, that even when men do want to give a woman oral sex, she can’t completely relax and just enjoy herself. But it would be very rare indeed to come across a guy who was worried about the same if a blowjob was on the agenda.

Unfortunately, if you’re a woman, chances are you grew up being told that part of your body was, in some way or another, defective or not good enough. We have to live up to insane beauty standards which dictate that every part of our bodies must be perfect, and if it isn’t, we have to fix it. And our vaginas don’t get a free pass on this intense shaming and these insane standards.

It has to be hairless, but free from ingrown hairs. It must come in pretty, neat packages even though in reality, every vulva is different. Even though it’s basically impossible, there should be zero scent to the female genitalia at all, and ideally, it should taste phenomenal.

If your own personal private parts are any deviation from this mystical perfect vagina, you’d better feel terrible about it.

The constant shaming of women’s bodies is extremely damaging, not only for self-esteem, self-worth, and self-confidence but in forming intimate relationships as well.

I’ve had friends who have been in long-term relationships who have never let their boyfriends see them naked. And I mean, three years in and they’d never seen all of their girlfriends uncovered at the same time, because they were terrified they weren’t perfect enough.

No wonder women have deep-rooted insecurities about their vaginas.

I know that once I entered the dating scene, the fact that men seemingly avoided giving oral at all costs made me question whether everything was okay downstairs. And I’ve since come to the conclusion that more guys should be going down on women.

While closing the oral sex gap won’t really cure the constant and ever-present criticism of the female form, it might work to make things a little bit easier. Or at least, more women would be having orgasms, and that’s the world I want to live in.

And then, there’s the sexist inequality issue. The one thing about the oral sex exchange which causes the little feminist inside me to scream with pure, fire-and-brimstone rage.

A lot of guys are just selfish.

Maybe some men just don’t enjoy giving oral sex, the same way I know several gals who hate giving blowjobs.

And look, I understand that everyone has a preference, and if a guy tells me he doesn’t like going downtown, it’s absolutely fine by me. Sex must be consensual, and if he doesn’t want to do something, that decision has to be respected. No questions asked.

Problems arise, however, when five minutes after confessing this fact, he is pushing my head towards his crotch and expecting me to service him with my mouth.

The key word here is expecting.

If a guy I was seeing told me he didn’t enjoy going down on a girl, I’d probably still go down on him, just for fun.

But if he told me he wouldn’t be going down on me but would be expecting a blowjob, no negotiations, do not pass go, no chance of reciprocation, oh boy, you’d better believe I have an issue with that level of sexual hypocrisy.

These kinds of guys are everywhere.

One of these holier-than-thou men wrote a ‘think piece’ on why he, as a straight man, hated going down on women, listing off a bunch of different justifications for his decision – the smell, the taste, his personal revulsion at the apparent unappealing look of a vulva and the uncomfortable position oral sex forces him into – before finishing his article with, quite disgustingly, “to me blowjobs are a fundamental part of the sexual intercourse game.”

Hold up, mate. I have a problem with your incredibly selfish views on sex. Not to mention every word he wrote is a direct play-by-play of the concerns which scare women out of being able to enjoy oral sex in the first place.

Does he honestly think dicks smell like roses? Does he believe the taste of a penis or semen is like a delicious chocolate cake? Any woman who has received an unexpected dick pic to her phone can attest to the fact the male genitalia isn’t exactly a Van Gogh painting to look at, and sucking a dick isn’t exactly ‘comfortable’.

Oh, your neck gets sore when you’re between my legs? I’m so sorry! Now, please thrust your manhood into the back of my throat so hard it leaves a bruise, and don’t even worry about massaging my neck after I’ve been bobbing my head up and down for 10 minutes…

And of course, these kinds of men are highly unlikely to show any sort of consideration for the comfort of the woman they want to have orally attending to their manhood, while the same woman would have spent at least 30 minutes freshening up down there and internally freaking out about his comfort if he was going to head downtown with his tongue.

And while some people have a preference and may not enjoy oral sex, to demand your sexual partner perform the act on you if you’re not going to do the same is just selfish. And you, sir, do not deserve the pleasure my mouth can bring you.

So how about men and women agree to take a few wonderful steps towards sexual equality. The world is a better place when everyone is having orgasms, so unless oral sex isn’t your thing, we should all be putting our heads between some thighs more often.

And for the love of all that is sexual and equal, don’t demand oral sex if you’re not going to return the favor. It’s just polite.

Kassi Klower is a passionate and opinionated tea-drinker and cat-lover. She’s a proud feminist who is always sleepy, loves politics and lives for writing about social justice issues. Follow Kassi on Twitter and Facebook.

This originally appeared on SHESAID. Republished here with permission.

The post The Oral Sex Gap Is Real And I’m Not OK With It appeared first on Role Reboot.

[sheisherestories-blog]

Sorry!

Emily Paul. Canadian.

“My therapist challenged me to prove to him that I was a failure, so I listed all the ways that I thought I was just a waste of space. When I had exhausted my list of reasons, and my tear reserves, he said “to me it seems like the only thing you’ve failed at, Emily, is proving you’re a failure.” 

It’s a pretty standard scenario, I think. Someone looks at you, shakes their head, and in a tone of praise and disbelief says, “I don’t know how you do it!” But then, standing there, looking into the eyes of this person, you realize that you have no clue how you do it either. School, work, life. Any of it. 

Then, since the human brain loves seeking out patterns and answers oh-so-much, you reach the “only” logical conclusion: “oh, I have no clue! I don’t know what I’m doing at all. I shouldn’t be here. Any minute someone is going to look at me and they’ll realize I’ve been playing the long-con all along. I’ve somehow managed to cheat and charm my way through life. I don’t deserve any of the things around me.” I think they call it Imposter Syndrome. 

Have you heard of it? If you haven’t, the term was first coined by Pauline Rose Clance & Suzanne Imes from an article in 1978. They used the term to “designate an internal experience of intellectual phonies, which appears to be particularly prevalent and intense among a select sample of high achieving women.” I don’t know about high achieving, but boy does that definition strike a personal chord.

While the term seems to be in the zeitgeist lately, I had never heard of the concept until this past fall when I started my Graduate degree. In the course of the program, which I’ve deemed “intellectually stimulating, emotionally crippling,” I’ve had the pleasure to study under two mind-blowingly awesome women, who I’ll call Dr. E and Dr. S. Now, these women are knowledgeable and funny academic badasses, and I think any sane person studying under them would question their own worthiness. Although my sanity hasn’t quite been confirmed or denied yet, I personally felt like every class I had with them, and even those I didn’t, required triple the amount of work I had done in my undergrad just to construct a semi-articulate thought in class. Every time I spoke I would preface my thought by saying something like “I’m sorry if this is stupid,” or “this probably doesn’t make any sense,” or “if this is ridiculous, just ignore me.” Eventually, this got on their nerves. Which is fair enough. If you were a badass in academia, don’t you think a chronically self-deprecating grad student would eventually get on your nerves too? One day in class, Dr. S finally had enough and asked me to, “please, stop putting your thoughts down before you’ve even voiced them.” Another time I went to see Dr. E in her office and I swear I apologized for something or other in every sentence I spoke right from the minute I knocked on her door. “Emily,” she basically said to me, “you have to stop apologizing for everything.”

You can take my word on this: when these women speak, you should listen. I didn’t want to seem like I had written myself off before anyone else could. So I wanted to change my ways, but I was at a loss. I didn’t have the tools to identify what was going on, what the root of it was, and what could be done about it. Then, I serendipitously came across the term Imposter Syndrome while listening to the radio, and it got me thinking.

The concept of Imposter Syndrome intrigued and resonated with me. This is what I’ve learned: the women studied by Clance and Imes attributed their successes to either luck or “a temporary internal quality,” basically they believed their achievements were a fluke and didn’t reflect any inherent capabilities. Clance and Imes noted in their study that women who experienced the Imposter Syndrome came from two types of backgrounds: either a girl was told she was artsy and not intellectual, and so strove to prove herself in academics, or she was told she was inherently brilliant, so when she encountered difficulties she came to believe she was a fake. 

Clance and Imes outlined four types of behaviour women fall into that reinforce the Imposter Syndrome as adults. The first type is a cycle wherein women worry about their intelligence, so they work hard to mask their perceived failings, which gains approval and positive feelings, but only temporarily before feelings of incompetence return. Rinse and repeat. The second type is women who believe they behave inauthentically as they adapt to please those around them, which undermines their confidence in their own thoughts, beliefs, and personality. The third type is women who use charm and perceptiveness to gain approval, these women wish to be liked and recognized as intellectually special. These women seek approval from authority figures, which reinforces the Imposter Syndrome because they either gain their mentor’s approval but don’t believe their authority figure’s praise because the women think they’ve tricked them, or the women believe that if they were truly intelligent they would not need external affirmations. Finally, the fourth type is the result of the negative consequences that successful women experience in our society. The women in this type believe that, if they can maintain the belief that they are not intelligent, then they can avoid societal rejection.

Are any of those sounding familiar to you? I know they are to me.

Two years ago I had the pleasure of spending a semester in Ireland. While there, I found myself taking an embarrassing amount of pride in my Canadian heritage. Did I mention that I’m Canadian? Well… I am, eh? Anyways, while in Ireland, I became addicted to being a positive ambassador for my country. “As God as my witness, I will be the ultimate Canadian!” I declared to the heavens, Scarlet O’Hara style. You may or may not know the stereotypes that surround Canadians, though I’m trusting you know some (or the eh? joke I made earlier will have made absolutely no sense). Well, among the better stereotypes, in my opinion, is that we are a relatively meek and polite nation, and I did everything I could to be the human embodiment of timidity and kindness. People seemed to respond well to my pleases, thank yous, and sorries. It almost felt like Sorry! had become my catchphrase. With time, my personal background, and my experiences abroad, I think I internalized that Sorry! mentality and came to think that it was best to apologize for everything. I mean, people seemed to like me and found it kind of adorable and really funny when the Canadian girl apologized for random things, so what could go wrong?

Well, evidently, thinking you should apologize for even using up oxygen can lead you to think you don’t deserve oxygen. Ah-ha, my dear Watson, I believe we’ve begun to put the pieces of the puzzle together! However, Clance and Imes speculated that the Imposter Syndrome is incredibly difficult to overcome. So what could/can be done?

For me, after Dr. E and Dr. S’s admonishments, and the deaths of two influential women in my life this past October, I realized I needed to do some serious re-thinking. At the end of last semester I went to see a therapist. I eventually confided that I didn’t think I deserved any of the good things in my life and that I was, really, a failure in all aspects. My therapist challenged me to prove to him that I was a failure, so I listed all the ways that I thought I was just a waste of space. When I had exhausted my list of reasons, and my tear reserves, he said “to me it seems like the only thing you’ve failed at, Emily, is proving you’re a failure.” Usually being called a failure, even in a joking way, would throw me into a spin of panic and despair. But rather than feeling inadequacy wash over me in that moment, I laughed and felt a spark of catharsis. Supposedly the American theatre directer Harold Clurman once said that the truth is like medicine, it can be “difficult to take and hard to swallow, so we get them to laugh and while their mouths are open, we pour a little in.” Oh, how I’ve found that to be true.

In writing this all out, my intention is not to tell a story where I show I have all the answers. This is definitely not a “look at me, I’ve overcome all obstacles, my life is perfect, I’ve made a million dollars, have a big house, a genius-model husband, and 2.5 perfect children - and if you do everything I did, you can too” story. The truth is that I don’t have answers, but I think that’s an important thing to be okay with. For a long time I thought that to be of worth I would need to know everything inherently. I thought that truly intelligent people just know things. However, while working to curb my apologize-for-everything-I’m-a-waste-of-space-god-I-hope-no-one-notices reflex, and in doing my research for this little piece, I’ve learned that it is in fact the norm to be without answers. In writing this I also wasn’t trying to pen some dramatic  unveiling my true Imposter Syndrome-self to the world piece. Honestly, I don’t particularly feel that I do for sure have “clinical” Imposter Syndrome, and my therapist has never “diagnosed” me with it.

No. In writing this piece, I simply wanted to throw a spot light on the temptation to undervalue oneself. Cycles of self-doubt, like those associated with the Imposter Syndrome, are pernicious: but if they can be identified, well, that’s half the battle. Clance and Imes speculated that if a woman can begin to escape from the burden of believing she’s a phony, she can begin to “more fully participate in the joys, zest, and power of her accomplishments.”

Doesn’t that sound nice?

Cited in Essay

Pauline Rose Clance and Suzanne Imes. “The Imposter Syndrome in High Achieving Women.” Psychology Theory, Research, and Practice, Vol. 15, No. 3 (Fall 1978).

Recommended Reading

Mark Manson. The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck. New York: HarperOne, 2016.