#and being like 'their future child will be one of my faithful'
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athalantan · 7 months ago
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Actually though that breaks my heart more? Knowing that it wasn't just one period of El's life in which My.st.ra caused them to beget children without their knowledge or consent. She has quite possibly done it many times over El's considerable long life. Maybe even before she birthed the Seven Sisters. All part of a plan to breed potential Chosen and otherwise worthy agents. As well as an eventual plan to groom a successor to El who, though still serving admirably, cannot and should not go on forever.
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random-autie-fangirl · 1 month ago
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I drew another Chara- living with the Dreemurrs edition
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"The King and Queen treated the human child as their own. The underground was filled with hope."
I don't like this as much as the last one but oh well... I ended up rambling a huge amount in the tag, so if you want details and headcanons about the actual drawing again, you'll have to look pretty far down this time, sorry (Also, I ran out of tags after a while. Tumblr is tired of me, lol. I might reblog this more tags later if I remember what I was going to say.)
#chara dreemurr#undertale#next up: the narrator#(I know that's not a title they receive in game like the other two but... just let me have this)#The future monarch of monsterkind. The prophecized saviour. One of the most important people in the underground. An angel apparently.#Chara puts all of their effort into appearing perfect in both appearance and manners. They're representing all the underground now and they#don't want to let down the king and queen! (Plus Chara's scared of getting kicked out or worse should they ever disappoint their family)#But... they're gonna save everyone! They're gonna make sure the monsters win this war! It's their destiny! The prophecy says so!#(... That's why all this happened to them. Chara sees themself as smarter more careful and maturer than their peers... because of the way#what a strange child...#hey look! I did a thing#my art#they were raised on the surface. They believe they have the skills to lead monsterkind to victory because of what they suffered.#Almost like they were trained or led to this moment. Like they don't have a choice. But this makes all their pain worth it right?#It was always for this fated grand purpose right? That's why they hate feeling robbed of their ''purpose''! Might be part of why they hate#determination! What do you mean you can defy fate? What do you mean things could've been different? That I didnt have to go through this?#that it wasn't written in the stars?... Oh shit I forgot to talk about the drawing!#The little bunches are supposed to look like monster ears. Especially with the monster soul locket. They're doing a curtsy which they alway#upon meeting someone new and introducing themself as the future monarch of monsterkind. Calling whoever they're talking to sir or ma'am.#Wanted to make it a curtsy/bow combination but I couldn't draw that. They have a little golden flower clip to pull their hair back and#they gave themself the belt and flouncy petticoat. They iron and polish everything they wear literally everytime they go outside.#Chara wears heeled boots whenever possible because they really hate being so short...they somehow think it makes them look weak.#The blushes and lashes are make-up! Chara wants to look perfect after all! They also really really hate their red spots/birthmarks and will#cover them up whenever possible...and they're wearing their crucifix again. Of course they are! Through it all they'll always keep#their faith. ....Until Chara finds themself a figurehead of an entirely new religion. I think they're...newly 11 here. (Second year in the#underground. 10 when they fell. 13 when they did.) Comfortable (comfortable as they can be) with their new family but not yet desperate#to get them out as soon as possible. Might not even be working with Gaster yet. But Asriel already gave Chara their locket.#I definitely think it was...a while before Chara really thought of returning the favour. Not that they don't utterly shower#Asriel and their parents in other gifts or affection! But they're just not one to make... promises of forever lightly. Especially because#Chara isn't really planning on staying around for a long time at all! They will break the barrier like prophecized then climb the mountain
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ostwitchsheart · 1 year ago
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Why did my brain randomly dump story lore on me. Do you really want me to make a sad one piece ripoff
#it was basically about this girl who had a little brother and her dad dies in the future and she used a memory she had to manipulate time#or something#to talk to her dad but she was too nervous she started shaking the boat a lot and the enemies came on#her dad was a slow fighter because he was confident about being the strongest#he got killed before he could use a syringe or something and then the enemy kills him#the girl knew the enemy was coming and they only got a split second longer#the enemy didn't want to kill the kids despite the enemies pets wanting to eat them#and left them to die on the ship#they sailed away i guess and went to this world and met a baby who was obsessed with them#and the baby grew up like idk three years. and kept trying to hangout with them#and they are like 'i lost my brother and father once i won't do it again'#basically the ''''one piece'''' is a journey of bringing her dad back#which was just me venting about how i miss my dad a lot#the baby became named Cadence Persistent of the Sea and went back home to see the MCs parents#and Cadence owns a dinosaur my childhood fav BTW#the girl MC is about 30 but she's stuck in her brain or something and she's a kid so her brother doesn't die#bc he does die like the dad but for some reason the enemy didn't kill him too#even tho she was canonically 31 in my dream i might change it bc she generally acts childish#(she IS her child self so i could twist this to be her also '''' regressing '''' back into it)#i would 100% try to put my faith in here somehow. Cadence becomes a nun and her Dinosaur is still her best friend and she's a boss that#never marries#who knew it was that easy to pump out lore i got a huge chunk of it after sleeping this is awesome
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harmoonix · 9 months ago
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𝐒𝐨𝐥𝐚𝐫 𝐑𝐞𝐭𝐮𝐫𝐧 𝐎𝐛𝐬𝐞𝐫𝐯𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧 II
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💚 Here are some indicators of starting new relationships in that specific year 💚
Venus/Juno in the 7H 👰🏼‍♀️
Venus/Juno in Libra or Taurus 👰🏼‍♀️
Venus in the 2nd house 👰🏼‍♀️
Venus aspecting Mars 👰🏼‍♀️
Juno aspecting Jupiter 👰🏼‍♀️
Juno aspecting Venus 👰🏼‍♀️
Juno aspecting ascendant 👰🏼‍♀️
Juno aspecting Midheaven 👰🏼‍♀️
💚 Uranus in your 10H can indicate a major change in your career/plans of career
💚 Mars/Neptune in the 8H can indicate a year where you wanna connect more with your intimacy/wanting to be more sensual that year
💚 Moon in Sagittarius can indicate a year where you set yourself free, where you wanna explore and discover new things, maybe a wish to travel too
💚 Sun in the 5H can indicate discovering new talents/hobbies in that specific year, like you suddenly started to like painting?? Hold my Monalisa
💚 Rising in Libra can indicate to put more attention and love into yourself in that specific year, buy new clothes, make yourself shine
💚 Saturn in your 5H/7H can indicate taking a break from relationships but the 8H as well, especially sexually taking a break from everything that means "a partner"
💚 Venus in your 3rd house can indicate being more comfortable with yourself in that year, with expressing yourself verbally
💚 Chiron in the 4H/5H can be a year where you start to heal your inner child
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💚 Moon aspecting Chiron can indicate healing an emotional state in your life, really depends on how you feel in that year
💚 Saturn aspecting the ascendant can indicate a year in which you grow and evolve more, especially in your personal maturation
💚 Moon/Mercury in the 3rd house can indicate being more socially active, more communicative, and more open with your friends
💚 Midheaven aspecting the Sun can indicate people will focus on you a lot that year, like the center of attention
💚 Neptune in the 10th house can indicate thanking a lot about the future in that specific year, especially your future carrer/job
💚 Gemini Lilith/Venus/Mars can indicate a lot of gossiping about you in that specific year, take care of your reputation
💚 Capricorn Rising can indicate being more stable in that year, more down to earth, more calm, and more mature
💚 Taurus Rising can indicate you may need grounding in that specific year, and it also definitely a year where you need to connect with nature
💚 Scorpio Rising can indicate evolving and healing yourself more in that year, you can also attract envy or jealous people
💚 Jupiter or Neptune in the 9H indicate questioning a lot about spirituality/faith or religion in that year, I had this placement in 2023 and I changed so much since I become more spiritual instead or a religious person is also more fun
💚 Mercury in the 1H/9H or 5H can indicate learning new languages as your hobbies, but also as a desire for wanting to learn one
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💚 Jupiter or Sun in the 9H can indicate you can travel more times in that specific year, can also indicate a lot of focus on school
💚 Moon in the 9H can become more attached to a spiritual belief in that year, maybe something that reasonates more with you
💚 Let's not lie because Venus/Neptune or Jupiter in the 8H even Mars in the 8H can indicate being more sexual = having lots of sex
💚 Moon in the 8H/Moon in Scorpio in your solar return can indicate healing a wound that can be related with your mom/grandmother/ or even getting more close with them in case you have a cold relationship
💚 Sun in the 1H, you'll have to focus on yourself/on your skin, maybe/also on your body, and even your health
💚Venus in the 6H can indicate being more lovely with yourself, don't be harsh with yourself in that year if you have this placement, focus also on your mental health
💚 Venus in the 10H/Venus in Capricorn, a good relationship with your boss in case you work in that year. This can indicate focusing more on your goals and just work work work (We can work from home, Fifth Harmony can't relate)
💚 Taurus Mars/Mars in the 2H a lot of attention can be on your body that year, your body will stand out, also money and good luck
💚 Virgo Sun/Moon/Rising in your solar return is when you start to be more devoted to everyone including you as well and you start to be more understanding of the world's situation, a very humanitarian placement
💚 North Node in your 8H is a placement where you gonna be side to side with the deepest point in your life/and you gonna learn how to heal/evolve and process the soul's evolution
💚 Moon/Venus/Jupiter in your 5H, if you want or wish kids, these placements can indicate getting a kid or being pregnant in that specific year (not 100% confirmed)
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💚 Pluto aspecting your Moon/Mercury in the SR is a year where you gonna be more understanding of your intuition, good time to mediate on your thoughts
💚 Uranus in your 1st/11th or 12th house can indicate big changes within yourself in that specific year
💚 Mars in the 11H/Aquarius can be a time where you may join in a lot of conflicts maybe around your friends or dear people, people can also start arguments for no reason with you
💚 Chiron - Venus aspects in the solar return can indicate getting hurt emotionally or hurt in love so just think about if that person you like it's the right for you in that year
💚 Neptune harshly aspecting the ascendant or sun is a time where you'll stop being delusional, and you'll see the world with the real eyes
💚 Uranus in the 2H can be a year where you gonna spend money fast on things, like for real spending money with the lights speed
💚 Sagittarius Rising & Gemini Rising can indicate a year where you start to discover yourself..to be more free, creative, more open and more optimistic
💚 Uranus in the 9H can indicate sudden changes in travelling. Maybe an opportunity with travelling or just moving away from your home country
💚 Mars/Pluto/Saturn in the 4th house can indicate intensity at home, maybe with finding a place to live, maybe intensity between your family members or just an inner anger with your home, can be a year where you'll want to change something inside your home
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💚 Pluto or Lilith in the 11H can be a year where toxic people (friends) can come in your life to betray you, but also can indicate getting socially more powerful
💚 Saturn in the 11th house can indicate a year where you're "tired" of everyone and just wants to be alone, not a bad placement you just want to be alone for some time
💚 Juno in the 5H/7H/11H houses can indicate starting a new relationship or even marriage in that yea
💚 Aquarius Rising/Pisces Rising in your SR will make you to think that you need to change something with yourself in that year and that probably can be your mindset and the way you see the world, to open your eyes
💚 Moon/Venus in the 1H will make you more soft in that year. It can be emotionally or romantically, positive placements for 1H and lots of joy can happen as well
💚 Mercury or Sun in the 4th house can indicate more closure with your family or you can be more active in family talks
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💚 7th house ruler in the 9th house can indicate traveling with your spouse (if you have one)
💚 Sun aspecting Moon especially in harsh aspecting can tell about personality issues within the native's life
💚 Pluto in the 3rd house can indicate a "truth" opening out to you or you'll just discover some truth in that year
💚 Sun/Moon or Mercury in the 11th house will make you more active in online/social media, or can even make you more popular that year
💚 Cancer Rising in your solar return chart indicates more healing and sensitivity around yourself that year, possibly more comfort too
💚 Saturn in the 1st/10th or 12th house can tell about a year where people will put more pressure into you
💚 Libra or Pisces Moon will make you more open romantically or dreaming more about romance in that year
💚 Mars or Aries Rising can indicate having a leader role in that specific year, you'll mostly end up leading your life somewhere you didn't expect
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💚 Aquarius Moon can make you to be more into technology in that sperii year, maybe you'll be more on your phone than usual
💚 Sagittarius Venus can indicate trying to find freedom in your relationships in that year, it can be any type or relationship
💚 Pisces Midheaven can be more attracted into music and art in that specific year
💚 Sagittarius Midheaven can have a lucky time in their specific year, especially if they're looking for a job
💚 Taurus Midheaven can make the native more down to earth in that specific year, you can be more spirtual too
💚 Neptune in the 1H will make you bring you more closer to spirituality than ever in that specific year
💚 Pluto in the 7h will definitely put you into possessive relationships take care yall. A lot of evolving in your relationships as well
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💚 It's been 6 months since I did the 1st part in December, and after half a year, I'm coming with the 2nd part!! I know solar returns take a bit more time to understand them!
Have fun reading, Harmoonix 💚💚💚
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mosovi-vian · 2 years ago
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And I will stay alive for my future self, so they can one day learn to be kind to who I was as a child. And I will teach them to honor who we used to be, so they can remember the comfort of what once was our untempered flesh and gentle soul. Me and myself are each a fresh wound and a rough scab, bearing respectively the gift of green faith and honed will.
This has been in my draft for a while because I was determined to post this only after I knew what I should write underneath it. I’ve read a lot on the concept of healing the wounded inner child since even before my c-ptsd diagnosis. However, I’ve sought as much comfort in my little self as they had in me. Looking back, I was an impressively emotionally-intuitive kid. I remember well how I used to think, the things I would write to my future self; they were wiser and gentler than I could ever hope to be as an adult. Needless to say, the little poem above is inspired by the aforementioned experience. Sure, big me is armed with a more developed pre-frontal cortex and access to invaluable resources (coping mechanisms, therapy, on and offline communities) , but I struggle to rediscover/reinvent my identity. Little me was the biggest vestige of my lost personhood. So yeah, this might be just a huge self-indulgent projection with my favorite character, but thinking that post-S3 Hunter would also be in my shoes is not completely baseless. 16yrs old Hunter is the fresh wound (a lot of things happened before his teen years, but I’m going to interpret the events of Hollow Mind - which happened when Hunter was 16 - as the ultimate boiling point in his trauma timeline, hence the ‘fresh wound') and 20yrs old Hunter is the rough scab. Each version of Hunter could be dealing with a different set of trauma-induced symptoms. I think his loyalty to Belos kept him going as a child. Being doubtless was important to Hunter back then; it held his sense of self together. And maybe when he survived and was rewarded the time and space to grow into his own person and live for himself, there was this lasting emptiness. I feel this sort of emptiness even today. My only reference of what ‘wholeness’ felt like was when I was obedient to my family. I equated self-abandonment as the righteous norm. The symptoms I deal with today are definitely different from when I was Hunter’s age pre-time-skip. Now that Hunter is in a safe space and an adult post-time skip, he might also need to seek that strength from his younger self. Reminding himself of how far he’s come and the parts of him that he'd like to keep from his past. The parts that he knows in his bones are purely his - not instilled by Belos, not inherited from Caleb.
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bumblesimagines · 8 months ago
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Curiosities
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Part 2
Request: Yes or No
Summary: King Aegon keeps his word and uses his power as the king to get what he desires. His decision flips (Y/N)'s world on its axis.
Pronouns: He/Him/His, M!Reader
TW/CW: Typical GoT/HOTD warnings, mild slutshaming, implied homophobia (the Faith), mentions of child exploitation/abuse, mentions/implications of sexual and physical abuse toward sex workers, mentions of child/teen-adult relationships, takes place in S2 and while it doesn't follow the latest episodes as of currently beware of spoilers
These warnings keep getting longer and longer 😮‍💨
Divider from @targaryen-dynasty!
~~~
The members of the Small Council rose to their feet when Aegon strode into the room; uneasy glances and frowns being exchanged when they took in the skip in his step and the wide smile dangling from his lips. He had something in mind, something that most certainly wouldn't do them any good if it came from Aegon Targaryen of all people. 
"Good morrow," Aegon greeted them, setting his hands over the armrests of his chair and settling down comfortably at the end of the table. The council members tentatively sat down, dipping their heads in greeting and exchanging more glances. He raised his hand when Lord Jasper went to speak, effectively silencing the man. "Before we begin, I'd like to bring up the subject of taking an official paramour. These last few days have been... hard, to say the least, but I believe my pain has been soothed."
"Your Grace," Alicent began, her eyes fluttering shut in exasperation and chest falling with a heavy sigh. "I believe it's far too soon to be taking a mistress, much less the proper time with war brewing on the horizon. You are without an heir for the moment, so I understand the desire to-" 
"This is hardly about heirs or children, Mother." Aegon cut in swiftly, his back pressing against the chair and jaw ticking with a smidge of annoyance. "I want this. I will have this, one way or another. I am merely... informing you all." 
Clearing his throat, Maester Orwyle regarded his king with a small smile. "Perhaps knowing the name of your lover will soothe worries, Your Grace. Does she reside in the Red Keep? What house is she from? We certainly wouldn't want to bring any offense to her family during this time. Many fathers are oft' protective of their daughters and would find it insulting for one to become a mere mistress." 
"You're in luck then," Aegon grinned widely, his thumb rubbing against one of the many rings adorning his fingers. He took in the perplexed and curious looks on each of their faces, savoring their undivided attention. He swiped his tongue over his lips and reached forward toward his goblet, tilting it toward the cupbearer and listening to the heavenly sound of wine being poured. "For my lover and future paramour does not come from any noble family." He couldn't help but giggle, taking a sip from his wine. "He comes from the Street of Silk." 
Silence followed his revelation, each of the council members staring at him in complete and utter shock. His mother moved first, her folded hands unlacing so she could rub the bridge of her nose. Her eyes squeezed shut, lips rolling into her mouth to prevent any unsavory words from spilling out. Lord Jasper reached for his goblet next, drinking every last drink in it and motioning for some more while Maester Orwyle and Lord Tyland blinked at him in astonishment. 
"Y-Your Grace," Maester Orwyle stuttered, "The Faith of the Seven views the act of-"
"The Faith views incest, bastardy, and prostitution sins as well, Grand Maester. Yet many of the men sitting at this very table are guilty of at least one of these things. Besides, I am of Targaryen blood and I am the King of Westeros, am I not? My grandsire King Jaehaerys put a law in place exempting those with Valryian blood from being judged, did he not?"
Aegon's smile shifted from genuine into a more daring one, his eyes burning into those of Maester Orwyle and any other council members who felt bold enough to look in his direction. "My word is law."
Alicent's eyes fluttered open and she leaned back in her chair, casting a glance at the rest of the council members. "Think of what you are asking-"
"I've made my decision, Mother." Aegon interrupted once more, smirking at the way she clenched her jaw, and turned his head to study his newest Hand, Ser Criston. The knight straightened up, ever so loyal, and Aegon smiled brightly. Finally, someone who wouldn't object. "I have some orders for you, Ser Criston."
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Digging his teeth into the warm loaf of bread he'd been given, (Y/N) walked along the gravelly, muddy road in the direction of the Street of Silk. His breakfast had been a gift from a patron who frequented the brothel, one of the few good things of working where he did. Lavish gifts were expected from nobles who could afford whatever they desired, though they more often than not merely dressed their favorite workers up like little dolls.
The smallfolk could hardly compare but they provided the more necessary gifts; food, drinks, materials. It hardly had anything to do with genuine love or care, and more so the simple desire of holding the gift over his head, but (Y/N) would never be in a position to ignore free food.
Madam Sylvi had long stopped providing him with anything other than a place to bathe and sleep, claiming he was no longer a babe and had to provide for himself just as the rest of the smallfolk. She was a good madam, better than most brothel owners, and she tried to take care of all the women and men she took under her wing, but she couldn't be everywhere at once; and she couldn't kick out every patron that grew bolder or more sadistic. 
His eyes dragged away from the light gray clouds rolling overhead as he stepped into the Street of Silk, the sound of pleasure and music filling his ears from brothels accepting patrons. Eager men bustled up and down the street, jeering at those lingering by their respective brothels in hopes of enticing one to come inside. But still, things seemed more oddly quiet than usual, (Y/N) noted, and he soon realized why when he noticed the elegant carriage waiting outside of Madam Sylvi's brothel. 
Ripping the bread in his hand apart, he tossed one piece toward the child sitting in an alleyway, his ribs visibly showing throw his thin layer of dirty, ripped clothes. The child sprang to his feet and dug eagerly into the bread, his eyes lighting up with newfound life.
As (Y/N) shoved the rest of his bread into his mouth and quickened his step, he hoped one act of kindness would spare him later. He swallowed down the food, throat itching for water, and stopped by the large double doors where a fellow brothel worker stood by.
His lips parted to question her on the carriage but he winced when he noticed the darkening bruise on her cheek, staring near the corner of her lip and ending near her eye. Hardly seemed like an accident. Alise brushed her fingers over the purple skin, her dark eyes slightly watering and her nose scrunching up in pain.
"Was it Felir again?" He asked instead with a gentle sigh, taking a step toward her and sweeping back some of her blonde hair. 
"Always is." She responded with a sigh of her own, dropping her hand down toward her chest where her dress plunged enough to show most of her cleavage, finger hooking to drag it down even further. "He pays too well to be thrown out, though. I hear he's grown tired of his new wife now that she's grown heavy with child. I'm certain we'll be seeing him around more often when the babe comes."
"I'm sorry."
"You mustn't be." Alise dismissed with a wave of her hand. "Be thankful he has no interest in boys, otherwise he'd do a whole lot more than what the Targaryen's done to your neck." She reached out to push back the hood of his cloak and dragged her fingertips over the markings on his throat, an amused grin forming on her face until she winced and touched her cheek again. 
"You should rest." (Y/N) told her, giving her arm a delicate squeeze before he pushed open one of the large wooden doors leading into the brothel. The air still reeked of smoke, sweat, and drinks despite the open window but most of the brothel had been cleaned up and ready for another round of patrons. He and the others would be given a chance to rest and eat, although when he spotted the two men in their shining silver armor and long white cloaks, he suspected his day wouldn't be the same as the rest.
The Sworn Brotherhood - better known as Kingsguards - were sworn to never own land, take a wife, or father children so they could fully focus on their duty of protecting the king and the royal family. Of course, they were still men, and despite the sworn promise to remain as pure as fresh snow, most of them were regulars at brothels; but they never sought workers out in their uniforms, much less in broad daylight. It'd be asking for swift punishment.
"Here he is, the man you seek." Madam Sylvi announced with a smile full of feigned joy that only made his stomach drop. She rose from her chair swiftly, the long skirt of her dress swishing with her movements, and she hurried over to him, her arms sliding around his shoulders and head dropping to whisper in his ear. "The King has asked for you, sweet boy. I do not know why but you must mind your step and tread lightly." Her nails dug through the fabric covering his arms. 
Aegon.
"The King has ordered your swift removal from this.. establishment so that you may settle into your new apartments in Maegor's Holdfast as his new paramour. He asks that you only take belongings of sentimental value so we may escort you to your new home as quickly as possible. He's asked of us to assure you no harm or insult will come to you for as long as he reigns." One Kingsguard spoke, his voice largely devoid of emotion and stance rigid with alert, but he shifted his weight from foot to foot. He seemed nervous, perhaps flustered. At least he attempted to appear like a Kingsguard whereas his companion blatantly ogled one of the girls until subtly elbowed.
(Y/N) looked between the two men, his fingers curling around the skirt of Madam Sylvi's dress. It'd been years since he'd last clutched to her like a child, but he felt tremendously small under the unnerving stares from the two knights. "Sylvi," He exhaled, tearing his eyes away from the knights to look at her soft features. 
"Perhaps it will be temporary, until the anxieties and worries of war pass." She soothed softly but the subtle tremble of her voice gave away her real thoughts. Paramours could be replaced, they often were, but hardly any noble - much less a king - had ever so publicly announced their new lover. "Go collect your things, (Y/N). We mustn't make King Aegon wait." 
Madam Sylvi ushered him up the stairs toward the rooms on the second floor where workers without homes to return to slept. His legs moved automatically toward his room at the end of the hall, or rather... his old room.
The idea hadn't settled in fully, not yet. He'd called the brothel home for far too many years. He'd been born in one of the many rooms he walked past; he'd raced up and down the halls whilst playing games; he'd been bathed and clothed and doted on by many in the very place he now had to leave. 
"(Y/N)!" A squeaky voice called out, soft footsteps thumping after him. (Y/N) stopped by the door into his old room, hand hovering over the doorknob and head tilting to peer down at the girl rushing toward him. Lyla collided with his leg, her arms wrapping around it and her chin resting over his hip as she looked up at him with glittering blue eyes. "Are you leaving?" 
"Afraid so, Ly." (Y/N) answered, opening the door and stepping inside the familiar room. The girl of only thirteen followed him inside, her lips forming a pout. He still remembered when her first flowering had occurred, a sign she'd become a lady. Her maidenhood had been up for auction the following month and a stout fisherman had managed to be the highest bidder. (Y/N) had been the one to clean the blood from her legs and ensure she drank moon tea. 
With a heavy exhale, (Y/N) looked over his rather plain room. He'd never given it any thought to decorate it with things from around King's Landing, for many of his fellow workers had sticky fingers and an eye for beautiful things. His bed was big enough to fit his body and his blanket thick enough to keep him warm throughout winter. There were a few potted plants around the room, something he added for some color and life. Otherwise, everything would merely be wood-toned.
"Will you visit?" Lyla asked, seating herself in the middle of his bed and tugging at the ends of her dress as she crossed her legs. Her eyes followed him as he sorted through his clothes and belongings in search of anything he'd miss, only to conclude the single item he considered valuable was the bracelet wrapped around his wrist; a simple gift from Madam Sylvi but one he held dearly. 
"I... am not sure, Ly. I will try to, if... if they allow me." (Y/N) responded, kneeling down by his bed and blindly searching until his hand bumped into the small wooden box he kept. He slipped his fingers around it and rose back up to take a seat beside the young girl, lifting the lid to reveal the glittering jewelry hidden within. Lyla gasped softly and shuffled closer. 
"They're pretty!" 
"Gifts from countless men and women, noble and smallfolk alike. I have collected and hidden them throughout the years for they are of little use to me. But, now that I am leaving... I believe you should have them. Take a few for yourself, Ly, but hide them where no other will find them. You must tell Madam Sylvi that you wish to exchange the rest for coin. It should be enough for your aunt to pay her debts and you'll never have to come here for work again." (Y/N) instructed her, digging through the jewelry until he found a thin silver necklace and clipped it around her neck.
"Truly?" Lyla asked quietly, her eyes shimmering with tears. Her fingers glided along the necklace until they curled around it, squeezing it tight in her smaller hand. 
"Truly." (Y/N) nodded, setting the box on her lap and planting a kiss on her temple. His fingers brushed back some of her black curls, a bittersweet feeling bubbling in his chest at the tears that spilled down her round cheeks. An orphaned child so desperate to remain with the last of her family that she'd shown up on their doorstep asking for a job, first as a mere servant and then into something more horrid. 
With Lyla's future looking brighter than his, he stood from his bed and took one last look at his room before venturing out into the hall and down to the first floor. The knights awaited him by the doors, the younger one of the two once again distracted by those coming and going. The one who'd addressed him straightened up at the sight of him, his gaze dropping down to (Y/N)'s empty hands and the lack of luggage. 
"I have... little of value."
"Very well." The knight cleared his throat. "We must depart for the Red Keep, then."
(Y/N) had never been in a carriage before, and he had to admit it was an odd feeling. Many of the roads leading back toward the Red Keep were bumpy and far from easy to travel. He found himself holding onto the cushioned seat beneath him as his body lurched and swayed with the bumps and light shaking of the carriage, his fingers digging into the soft fabric in a vain attempt at stabilizing himself. How lords and ladies could withstand such dizzying rides was beyond him. 
When the carriage finally rolled to a smooth stop and the door on the side opened, the extent of the situation finally dawned on him. He'd never been to the Red Keep; Seven Hells, the only time he'd even stepped on the road leading up to the castle had been on his way to Fishmonger's Square.
But there he sat, in the main outer yard with the loud groaning of the main gate sliding closed behind him. He forced himself to step out of the carriage and out into the yard, the sight of servants, knights, and courtiers greeting him. 
"This way, my..." The knight trailed off and exchanged a wide-eyed look with his companion. (Y/N) was no courtier, no page or ward, no lordling with lands and titles. He was merely... a prostitute; a whore as patrons loved to call him and his friends. Everyone around them seemingly came to the same conclusion, their stares becoming scrutinizing or pitiful. 
"(Y/N)," He said quietly, tugging his cloak further over his shoulders, suddenly feeling extremely aware of how plain his clothes seemed in comparison to the courtiers lingering around. He prayed the hood covered his neck from prying eyes. "Call me (Y/N), Ser." 
The knight nodded, his helmet slipping further down his head with his movements. It seemed the new Lord Commander of the Kingsguard had chosen... a questionable lot for the job. (Y/N) dug his teeth into the tip of his tongue and lowered his head, an action that'd become second nature to him whenever he left the brothel, for drawing attention to yourself in the city was asking to be robbed or killed. It hardly helped him inside the castle, however. Those they walked by stared and whispered amongst themselves, blatantly motioning in his direction while doing so.
(Y/N) saw the look in their eyes, the way they turned their noses up and scoffed as if his mere presence brought a stain to the castle. Nobles believed themselves to be better than those who worked to provide everything they required, and it was that sense of ego that often made them the best customers; for a simple stroke of their ego had them spilling more coin than they could count. Most of them were fools, even with the high education they received, (Y/N) knew this well. Appearing timid and meek did people little favors in Flea Bottom, even less so among the nobility. 
Madam Sylvi had been right. He had to tread lightly. 
After a long walk through many hallways and staircases, the knights finally stopped before two large oak doors and simultaneously pushed them open to reveal the bedchambers within. "Your apartments... (Y/N)." One spoke rather awkwardly, vaguely motioning with his hand for him to enter. (Y/N) stepped into the room and stopped, blinking at the size alone. 
His... 'apartments' were even larger than the brothel if the two floors combined into one. On the far right end elevated by a small platform sat a luxurious-looking bed large enough to fit at the very least five people with a wooden canopy holding sheer curtains at the sides. Near the bed sat a desk with blank papers and a quill ready to be used alongside beautifully carved wooden chests for storage whilst on the opposite side stood a large closet.
In the center of the room, a beautiful rug with flower designs covered most of the floor, long couches and comfortably looking seats atop with a dining table set nearby. Lined along the walls were numerous paintings and shelves, some filled with books and others empty.
His eyes were immediately drawn to the large open window at the left side of the room that overlooked part of the city and ocean, a gentle breeze flowing in from it. Near the window sat a bronze tub on one side and a few more chairs by a fireplace on the other. Extremely extravagant, he had to admit, but far too much for a single person. His old room seemed pebble-sized in comparison. 
"I am Ser Corlin and I will be stationed outside at all times if you ever require my presence or assistance. I will follow you wherever you must go and am sworn to give my life for you if needed as King Aegon has assigned me as your Sworn Shield." (Y/N)'s brows furrowed and he whirled around to face the more talkative of the two knights, his eyes flickering to the other one when he dipped his head and left. Ser Corlin seemed a well enough protector, if not a little young. 
"Why would I need a... 'Sword Shield'?" He hardly knew what that meant, but based on Ser Corlin's words it appeared to be quite the important job. "I am merely... I am hardly important enough to need protection, Ser." 
"You are King Aegon's paramour; the only one of many to be given such attention. We cannot know for sure if any envious past lovers may wish ill upon you or if Rhaenyra the Cruel will attempt to harm you to cause our king further strife." Ser Corlin explained, shuffling aside to allow a few maids into the room. He dipped his head, providing no further information, and shut the door behind him. 
"How wonderful." (Y/N) exhaled, hands undoing the laces of his cloak and carefully tugging it off his shoulders. One maid sprang into action, collecting the cloak from his arms and looking over the muddied ends with a thoughtful look. He blinked at her, watching her dip her head similarly to Ser Corlin and slip out of the room. Were they... bowing? To him? 
"I'm Laerra," The eldest looking between the maids spoke before motioning to the other three with her. "These are Eliza, Shana, and Marya. We will be primarily tending to your needs: bathing, changing, cleaning, and fulfilling any requests you ask of us. His Grace wished for you to be changed into some of the clothing stored in the closet, if we may?" 
"I... am not a child. I can change myself." 
"It would be better if we did it for you, My Lord." The round-faced redhead, Eliza, spoke next, a hint of meekness in her voice. The usage of a title made him grimace but if it made things easier on the servants, he'd deal with it, he supposed.
Pursing his lips, (Y/N) sighed and nodded, finding no use in arguing with the customs of nobility. The maids moved swiftly; one of them filled a basin with water and warmed it by the fireplace, another fetched the clothes, and the remaining two began removing his clothes.
They worked diligently and quickly, a focused look passing over each of their faces. Shana scrubbed and dried his skin with a rag she dipped into the basin, getting his skin rid of any sweat and dirt it accumulated during his trip in the city, giving herself a nod of approval when she finished. Eliza scooped his old clothes into her arms and disappeared from his room as Marya and Laerra began dressing him in soft fabrics. 
"Imported fabrics and cloths from Dorne and some of the Free Cities, My Lord," Marya revealed when he eyed the white undershirt, the soft fabric rubbing nicely against his skin as they put him in a dark green overshirt. When they slipped gem-adorned rings on his fingers, she added, "Gemstones from Pentos. The King wished for nothing else than beautiful." 
"Thank you." He told them, feeling pampered yet suffocated. "I-... You.. may go. I'd like time alone, if I may." 
"Shall we bring you some wine? Perhaps some lemon cakes, as well?" Laerra questioned but when he waved them off, they all dipped into a curtsy and ushered themselves out of the room, plunging it into heavy silence that loomed over him like a storm cloud. It was too much, all of it. The room, the clothes, the accessories. He'd had a perfectly fine life in the Street of Silk, despite everything he witnessed and experienced. 
(Y/N) tugged the rings from his fingers, scattering them across the dining table, and undid the buttons of his overshirt to pull it off and drape it over a chair. He had little need for such things, for so many layers. He collapsed on one of the chairs and braced his arms over the table, his eyes drifting over to the window. His ears strained to catch the bustle of the city but the wind was all he heard, amongst muffled chatter and footsteps from the hallway outside. 
"Gods," He sighed and ran a hand over his face, slumping back in the chair. "What have I gotten myself into?" 
(Y/N) hardly had any time to process before the doors swung open and Ser Corlin's voice echoed into the room, "Dowager Queen Alicent Hightower." His lips pressed together tightly, teeth digging into his inner bottom lip and a heavy exhale escaping through his nose. The Gods lacked mercy for him, it seemed. 
"Your Grace," (Y/N) greeted, standing up from the chair and bending at the waist when he turned around to face her. Queen Alicent (was she to be referred to as Dowager Queen? There were far too many titles) strode into his room with an air of grace, her dark eyes sliding over to him while her features remained blank.
Queen Alicent was beautiful with long dark auburn hair that'd been tied back and cascaded along her back, big brown eyes that studied him closely, and a slender figure. She appeared youthful, and he had to remind himself she had most of her children before reaching the age of twenty. 
"You must be (Y/N)." She spoke softly, her voice soothing and gentle. "I apologize for the sudden intrusion... amongst other things. I am aware my son feels quite fondly of you despite your former job. I must admit I was quite caught off guard when he announced his decision to move you here, into the Red Keep rather than housing you elsewhere as most other nobles do with their... lovers. May I ask what your family believes of this? I cannot say they will be welcomed if they seek riches." 
"I was born in Madame Sylvi's brothel. I do not know my father as my mother likely took many lovers a week to know for certain." 
Queen Alicent's brows furrowed, her long fingers ghosting over the hand of her hand to begin toying with one of her rings. "Likely? You.. you do not know your mother? How is that so?"
"I was never told." (Y/N) shrugged. "As a babe, I was passed around to whomever had the milk to feed me. My mother never claimed me as her own, but I'm sure she tended to me at one point or another. The women there never cared to tell me who amongst them had birthed me. They were all my mothers, I suppose. I can assure you they'd only approach me for favors if the idea ever struck them." 
"Born in a brothel.." Queen Alicent murmured quietly, her skirt gliding along the floor as she drew closer to him, her hand coming to rest along the top of the chair at the end of the table. "Forgive me if it is a difficult question to answer, but may I know the age you were when you began... working?" 
"I was eight years of age when frequenters began asking, nine when I began working. It is tradition in most brothels to auction the first time to the highest bidder as most patrons enjoy laying with virgins. I hardly recall the night but I believe it was with a couple from Braavos." His hand moved to grasp the wrist where the bracelet remained, thumb pressing into it at the memory of Madam Sylvi gifting it to him the following day after the couple left. The Dowager Queen paled. "They paid well." He added, though it hardly sounded like much of a comfort.
"You were a child." She exhaled, breathless and her voice dripping with pity. The stone-faced look she'd carried when she first arrived had vanished, her glassy eyes reminding him of Aegon's. They looked so alike in certain lights, he noted, from the furrow of their brows to the curve of their lips. She appeared smaller, younger, without the emotionless facade she'd put up when first acknowledging him. 
"As were you when you wed King Viserys." (Y/N) spoke carefully, his words soft and knowing. She stared at him, the shine in her eyes growing and full lips parting with a shaky exhale. Queen Alicent's gaze fell onto the stone floor and the tip of her nails scraped against the wood of the chair she held onto, her chest rising and falling with a deep inhale. 
"It is the duty that falls on the shoulders of many young noble girls. It was expected of me, and I fulfilled my duty, as you well see." He heard the subtle tremble in her voice, saw the way the corner of her brows dipped with each word; was she convincing him or herself? (Y/N) could hardly tell, but what he did know was that with a simple few words the Queen's true nature had reared its head. She remained a young girl in her heart, despite the years of motherhood and marriage thrusted upon her. 
"Duty or not, it did not make you any less of a child, Your Grace." He moved slowly, somewhat cautiously, when he approached her, keeping his footsteps light and his posture relaxed.
(Y/N) studied her face, her reactions, and the way her body responded to his movements with keen, observant eyes. She watched him, her eyes darting down to his arms so he moved them behind his back to ease any worries of him lashing out toward her. He stopped a few feet away, keeping enough space between them for her to relax.
"Forgive me if I speak too plainly or boldly, Your Grace, for us smallfolk hardly ever converse with those above our stations. I assume you have your assumptions about me, about how I make my coin, but I do not just pleasure others."
She shifted her weight from one foot to the next, the way her eyes jumped around the room from item to item telling him she felt nervous, likely uncomfortable with the topic of sex. The necklace resting around her neck held a pendant similar to the seven-pointed star that represented the Seven. For a woman of faith and nobility speaking of sex with someone of the opposite sex whom she had no relation to would be considered scandalous. 
"I provide comfort, as well. A willing ear to those who desire to be heard without judgment. I hold many stories, secrets, desires, and hopes that have been told to me throughout many years that will never leave my lips. I value trust, and I would never break another's, even for coin. I had little friends in the city, I doubt I have any at all here," A flicker of recognition flashed in her eyes. "If you find yourself needing a friend, I'd be happy to listen over tea or sweets. I have a feeling I'll be finding myself... quite lonesome here." 
"I... I shall keep your offer in mind." Queen Alicent said gently, her fingers curling around her hand and lips forming a tight-lipped smile. She dropped her hands down to the sides of her skirt, slightly lifting the ends and departing toward the doors. She stopped before them and peered over her shoulder at him. "King Aegon has matters he is attending to but I'm certain he will welcome you once he is done. Welcome to the Red Keep, (Y/N)."
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neovillains · 3 months ago
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GENESIS | SUKUNA RYOUMEN
syn. isolation can lead to insanity and the desperate will do anything to live.
── sukuna ryoumen & fem-bodied!reader, apocalypse!au, blood, religious themes, suicidal ideations, death & violence, minor character deaths, reader is described as skinny, cannibalism, biting kink, bruising, forest sex, rough sex, unprotected sex, etc | 4.4k words ( minors, ageless, & blank blogs: do not interact. )
note. here's a small playlist to accompany you on your reading journey. i hope you all enjoy this. please let me know your thoughts afterwards in the comments or in your reblog. thank you so much!
credit. thanks to my babe, leilani, for helping me out and screaming about this idea with me. im so happy with it :3
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Dilapidated buildings with rust growing on the side, resembling the colors of a forest fire. A deep auburn that grows into orange and yellow as it rises. Overgrown grass, the vibrant and various hues of green growing in the dirt and critters dig and groove around in sanctum. They’re free to roam through the deep crevices of soil, still living in harmonious nature as blood shed rids the rest of the Earth. 
The number of humans dwindle as they become rotting flesh running amuck in search for something to satiate that hunger inside of them. No longer a society built on order, but one fighting to survive in hopes of seeing a better future. They tell themselves that soon a god will come to free them from their trepidation and ease their aching hearts. However, the longer they look through their windows— what’s left of them— that optimism slowly dwindles into nothing. Just bullshit that they tell themselves as their guns become more enticing and the sweet taste of one bullet to the head will take them out of their sweet misery. 
It’s come to a point where everyone knows that there’s no point in having faith in their government. All televisions and radio responding in static, and no one hearing anything from them. It’s always been a world structured towards survival of the fittest, the rich leeching off the poor. Now, it’s whoever can leech off of who. 
Once upon a time, you called yourself a true child of God. Church every Wednesday and Sunday, a prayer every morning and night. When the announcement of a deadly virus sparked the news, you prayed to God for sanctity, knowing that it was your time to join him and for the angels to sweep down and take you away. However, you must have missed your stop.
Deadly missiles launched into cities, killing multiple of thousands. They looked like blinding light, what you believed to be heaven reigning down upon the Earth. Oh, how you cried to join the dead and sought refuge with your people. However, the moment they landed was just as quick as they left, and after that, God never answered your prayers ever again. You asked time and time again, did you do something wrong? How could you repent and join Him? 
You had done everything right. You had been an obedient child through and through, through every calling moment. What was He seeing that you didn’t? Did you really need to be damned with the rest of them for it?
The small religious group you sought refuge with started growing weak in numbers, their naivety leading them open to numerous attacks from the selfish and the careless leading zombies inside the church. Slowly, did a group of fifty turn into twenty-five, and twenty-five turned to ten. Ten to five, and five to two— you and Sukuna. 
Sukuna Ryoumen, a brute of a man he was. Someone who came seeking refuge with a group of five, though he always did voice how much disdain he had for the church. Oftentimes, he snorted during sermons and rebuttal the word of God with self-proclaimed pastor, Geto Suguru. He belittled everyone and everything, even when it came down to you being the last to survive alongside him. He scoffed, crimson eyes that matched the bloodstain on his white t-shirt. “Of all people, you’re the last to survive.”
Later that day, he bashed the window in. The rest of the church was flooded with the undead, the outside much clearer than the hoard still in search of them. It was a distance down, but nothing to kill you both. You looked at him as if he were crazy when he asked you, “Are you coming or what?”
What else was there left to lose? All of your immediate family, gone. Having joined God up at those golden gates, watching you with a heavy amount of disgust. What did it hurt to keep on surviving?
In a pair of jeans and a long-sleeved sweater, you dusted away the rest of the broken stained glass with your sleeves before asking for a hand. Neither of you said anything, Sukuna helping you up before you were holding onto the window panel. You stared out, eyes widening as your heart raced. Were you really ready to take this leap?
The memory is foggy, but you can’t remember if Sukuna pushed you out the window or your mind had made the decision for you. But all you remember is eating dirt before someone yanked onto your sleeve, forcing you up and dragging you alongside him. Sukuna dragged you through it all, managing to pull you both to safety. 
Before that, all you saw was a selfish and sinful man that only sought for his protection and safety, but now you see him in a different light. He could have thrown you to the wolves and watch you get mauled by a stampede of the forever hungry. However, his steps were always careful and he never looked back, a set determination to make sure that the both of you survived. 
And God said, Let there be light. You always took that as a saying of hope. That with darkness comes light and whenever the sun shines, it’s your reminder that God is a true man. Only, Sukuna has become your god. 
Sometimes, you still read the bible. Just something you use to give yourself hope before you’re pulled back into reality and only to realize that it’s all bullshit and lies. And that Sukuna was right, God is just a bunch of bullshit. However, it’s a constant reminder of what you used to be, and who you used to be. The bible now a set of affirmations though you know that in your sweet death all there will be is an eternal inferno waiting for you. 
Out in the woods, everything is silent. Only the occasional grumble of a walker lurking through these parts. It’s a surprise that the two of you have lived for so long by yourselves, but Sukuna’s managed to toughen you up. Teaching you how to shoot a gun and aim right for the head, though the two of you never use guns often. It attracts them. 
Opening up to him, you reveal that you used to be a nurse. In turn, you teach him how to disinfect stitches with the supplies the two of you find and how to create holistic remedies so neither of you die from a cold. Neither of you give without taking, always having something in return for each other. 
Right now, the both of you equally have as much to give as it is to take. In a tattered dress, dirties and white, you peek from behind the trees as a group of survivors follow the dirt path back to you. The growl of a walker sounding from behind you as it’s shackled on a chain, the key dangling in your hold. Every step you take is careful, stepping over twigs and making sure every part of you is soundless. You move slowly to loosen the manacles off the zombie, but making sure he’s not entirely free. You feel bad for the poor man that you’re taking advantage of. Underneath all that decay, he couldn’t have been older than thirty-five— a healthy and active man to be blinded by whatever factors that led to his demise. 
One day, a voice rings inside your head. That will be you. However, just like all those constant reminders, you push them to the back of your mind as everything’s set in place. You just have to do your part while Sukuna does his. 
The five stay huddled together, never losing their guard for a second before they hear the rushed snaps of twigs and the crunch of leaves underneath a pair of feet. Mechanic weapons already in bat— a crossbow, a bat with nails embedded, a bow and arrow, a katana and a sharpened staff, aiming it towards the direction before finding a small figure running out of a band of trees. You run barefooted, no longer hissing at the sharp pricks and pebbles that poke at your bare skin as you’ve done this routine a dozen times now. 
Your breath comes out in heavy pants as you cry and moan. “Please… Please… Help me!”
They lower their weapons, but not enough to where they’ve lowered their guard. Staying wary as they huddle together in one group, so cautious over such an “innocent” thing like you. “Please,” you croak, your footsteps staggering as they take in your tattered appearance. “I need help. My– my–”
The waterworks start, able to spill the salt so easily now as tears prickle from the corner of your eyes. “My boyfriend, he got hurt and I don’t know if he’ll make it! I promise, I’ll be out of your hair. Just… Help me, please.”
The desperation that reeks from you, wide eyes that look so helpless. You look like you’re barely surviving, dirt covering every inch of you as you pant heavily. They’ve run across people looking to take advantage of people, making them on the constant lookout for those who’re the bait. There’s usually an underlying piece of evidence that singles them out, it's a hidden identifier. However, before they can come up with a conclusion, snarls behind them call for their attention. Three zombies— two handled by Sukuna with yours in tow— trudging in their direction. 
“Walkers!” One says in a hushed voice, raising his bat and ready to swing. With their backs turned to you now, a smirk graces your features as you trail behind them in their preparation to fight. Dark hair with a bowl cut, you attack from behind just as you were taught, lodging the pocket knife that you had hidden away into his neck. He gurgles blood, unable to say anything, managing to grab ahold of the blonde next to him. 
“Haibara!” the blonde cries out, but before he could lunge at you, you kick him in the path towards the zombies with all your strength. Two down, three to go. Unfortunately, just as your victories came, your losses came in twice as fast as the three zombies were quickly handled by the three that were left. One with white hair that seemed unreal, a girl with auburn hair stopping at the nape of her neck, and another girl with jet-black hair and a gnarly gash running across her face. 
With gazes filled with determination, they’re ready to attack within a split second. The unsheathed katana comes out to play, swiping through the air. You manage to duck right in time, dodging the sharp blaze to your body. The next to swing at you, the bat with rusted nails that would possibly lead to a disgusting infection if it got into your skin. You back up and back up until you’re at the right spot. When the girl goes for her final lunge at you, you manage to jump in time, clipping the string and unloading the trap. The heavy cleaver swung in the air and landed straight to the head. 
The play of events leaving the two that are left in shock and giving you ample time to hide away. All you can hear is, “Where’d they go?”
“I don’t know, but keep your eye out,” the male says. In this neck of the woods, you have the reign. The vastness of a playing field that you’ve managed to memorize. You’re as silent as a ghost, having them second guess every direction they look in. 
Sukuna was right in a way. You shouldn’t have lived as long as you have, but you’ve also come to learn that the strong can’t win all on their own. Where Sukuna will excel in a battle of strength, you’ve defied your very teachings, surviving off of deceit and mischief. Every trap set in place a work of your own while Sukuna cleaned up your mess, leaving the two victims clueless to the fact that their three friends have already been properly disposed of. 
However, he leaves you the crossbow behind. Bending down to pick it up, you think you’ve won another round until your hear the click of the gun. “Smart, I have to say.”
The man with white hair smirks at you, cocking the gun right in your direction, aimed straight at your head. “You had me fooled. You had… us fooled.”
You stand tall, posture straightening as you stare straight in the man’s eyes. Your hand is still on the crossbow, you know if you move your hand, you’re dead. He glances at the weapon. “Drop it.”
You don’t listen. “Drop. it.”
Again, you stay stubborn as a mule. His finger is so close to pulling the trigger, he tilts his head to the side. “Drop it.” 
It’s a risky move. You know it, but you make a run for it. The gun fires throughout the forest and immediately alerts your partner. He’s immediately on your trail, making sure not to lose you from his sight again. You drop the crossbow, leaving yourself completely defenseless now in your dash to safety. You can hear him gaining in on you, his gun finding refuge tucked back in his pants. The palm of his hands open and ready to grab you when you halt abruptly, too quickly for him to gain proper footing. You use it to your advantage, turning around and knocking him on his back. 
You jump on top of him, the pocket knife revealed as you take his disadvantaged state and stab him repeatedly. Blood splattering from his arteries, it splashes against your skin as you find yourself lost in bloodthirst and all that you can see is red. Before that voice of the god you follow rings through, bringing you back to reality. “Woah there, princess. I think he’s dead now.”
“Wait,” you pant. Both hands around the handle of the blade, you use your strength to plunge the knife inside his skull. Finally, you look up at Sukuna, eyes bright when you say, “He’s gone for good now.”
“You were reckless,” Sukuna breathes, the two of you walking back to the cabin. You dragged back the white-haired man and the boy named ‘Haibara,’ while Sukuna managed the rest— chaining one to a tree so that they could have a zombie at leverage. Both covered in blood, the metallic stench of it has become a habitual thing now. You grunt, used to his chastising now. He always has something to knit pick at every time the two of you go on a hunt. 
“I’m still alive, aren’t I?” you shrug. 
“And next time, you’ll die,” he sneers. “I’ve taught you all that you need to survive. Stop with the theatrics and get straight to the point.”
“If it’s my time,” you shrug again. “It’s my time. Fate will tell.”
“Oh, don’t start with your religious bullshit again. I thought you were over that by now.”
“I am, but—” He drops the bodies, hands immediately on you. The blood’s starting to oxidize, the red hue darkening as he grabs you by the face. You no longer flinch in his touch, letting him grab you by your cheeks and pull you in. You can feel his breath on you when he snarls, “Then, stop with the suicidal crap. It’s getting old.”
At one point, you swore that Sukuna hated you. However, whenever he looks at you like this— feigned anger as his vermillion pupils stare you down— you know you were all wrong. There’s a longing inside of him, he needs you. He needs you just as much as you need him. You don’t know if it’s because of the familiarity and losing the sense of that that makes the two of you feel this way, or if it's genuine. Nonetheless, whenever this moment is sparked between each other, neither of you are afraid to ignite those deadly flames. 
“Okay.” You give in. He rolls his eyes.
“Don’t turn into an obedient puppy on me now,” he breathes, grip on your cheeks tightening. “Give me something more.”
Letting go of the lifeless legs, your hands reach for his biceps. The palm of your hands, providing him the warmth of you. When you look at him, there’s always awe tinged inside of your pupils. “I’ll do whatever you want of me.”
There’s something carnal about sex. It reminds you of when you’re baring out your teeth, gnawing at human flesh. The hunger and need that you have for each other closely resembles the battles the two of you share while hunting, watching the life leave your poor victims’ eyes. Sukuna’s brute strength on your body, pulling you and manhandling you in any way he deems fit, reminds of you the way he steals a person’s last breath. Veins protruding from his hands, squeezing the air out of someone’s lungs. 
It reminds you of the moments with his hands around your neck, his length pounding into you deeply as you can barely utter a word. Thumb and index pressing just where they need to restrict air flow as he presses down. Scratchy moans and mewls that manage to escape as tears escape from you. He batters your pussy how he pounds on the defenseless, punching them until their face is unrecognizable and lifeless, and taking away that privilege of revival with a knife through their skull. 
When he manhandles you and pulls you just where he wants, it reminds of moments like these heading back to the cabin, dragging your next meal to your shared abode before starting a fire. The sky darkens and the two of you are still in your soiled clothes, a deep red painting the two of you. It only becomes worse when Sukuna hands you a cleaver, the two of you chopping away and more blood spilling on the palm of your hands. A heavy tension that cascades the two of you before the human meat is properly distributed into smaller chunks. Sukuna did the heavyload of harboring it away with the rest of them.
And when he comes back, his hands are still bloody and you do the favor of cleaning him off. Holding his much larger hand in yours, the taste of blood becomes a regular occurrence, no longer shying away from it. Pink tongue that tickles the palm of his hands as red melts on your tongue. You’re careful and thorough, making sure that you’ve reached every crack and crevice. A purr reverberating off his chest as those vermillion pearls look right into your eyes, how your lips hollow around his digits. He’s a blood-born predator the way his chest vibrates; you, the only one able to tame the beast he is. 
Every inch of him makes you feel frail, how he’s able to tear you apart with his bare hands. He rips through the fabric of your clothes, turning them into scraps in his impatience. He’s left you bare in a matter of seconds, fingernails digging into your flesh as he pulls you impossibly closer to him in a deep need for your proximity. 
Warm-blooded, his body heat beats off of him as your nimble fingers cling onto his shirt, tugging for him to remove. And one-by-one, you help him out of every piece before you’re being lifted into his arms, legs draped around his refined torso as the two of you share such fervor and passion in a kiss. Saliva dribbling from the corners of your lips before you’re pulling away, hooded eyes that darken before your tongue lulls out again. The splotchy patches of blood getting cleaned off and making his skin shine. The twinkle and sizzle of the fire guides a path to the busted patio furniture. 
Your back pressed into the cushion, like this, the two of you resemble two cats grooming each other. Both taking turns to sweep the dried blood from each other’s bodies, the taste of each other’s flesh being something heavily embedded in each other’s memories. Each other’s potent stench of sweat and musk so familiarized in each other’s senses. Rough and calloused hands come to explore your body, further ingraining the softness of your skin deep into his core. Groping and grabbing at the fatty flesh of your breasts as he takes in deep breaths. His breath tickles your neck, providing you warmth as the cooling night comes to cascade down on the both of you. He kneads at your breasts, thumbs flicking at your pert and erect nipples. 
You hum a sultry melody before yips of pain end the song abruptly, the pinch of Sukuna’s canines marking at your skin as his mouth clamps down on you. Your hips buck when he pulls away, a string of saliva following in his path before the band breaks. When he sinks his teeth in you, it reminds you of how dangerous a man he is. Every part of your body is a weapon, he told you once upon a time, and thus proving it when he killed a man with his bare teeth. Arousal that had pooled inside you watching the moment and arousal that pools inside of you now as he covers your body in bites, a call of ownership as his hands bruise your waist and his length pressed to your stomach. 
One hand around his cock, aligning himself to your entrance while the next pushes the strands of hair that dare to get in front of your face, it’s a short period of gentleness before he’s pressing his mushroom tip inside of your walls. The way you gasp out from the pain, a stretch that you always have to brace yourself for before his teeth pulls at your bottom lip. This brave face you always try to pull in front of him falters as a single stray tear falls and you’re holding back your cries. He sees right through you, his pretty little thing. Someone once so fragile has stepped into the light, mustering up strength out of you to become a cold-blooded killer, but yet you’re still so weak in so many ways.
Like, how your knees always come to buckle at the sight of him, always falling into submission like a dog loyal to its owner. Your eyes twinkle as if to forever promise your evermore devotion towards him, casting a light upon him and naming him your god. You lay so much trust in one man. One man, that if he truly wanted to, could play God and end your life. Sometimes he comes to question whether you continue to survive for him or for yourself. But now, he’s come to ask himself the same thing. Who is he surviving for? Because in his mind, all that comes up is you. 
The taste of mankind is a flavor he’s well accustomed to, but no matter how many times he made you bleed and have bitten down on your soft flesh, it’s one that he’ll never find himself acquainted with. It’s something so intoxicating and something that always makes him feel weak in the bones, his hunger for you so overpowered that it drives him to insanity. 
His cock sheathed inside of you, the way your walls clamp down on him has his body shuddering. A breath he forces himself to hold until he withdraws himself completely before battering your poor pussy. As the stars shine and the two of you are more at risk of being attacked, the two of you willing to take such a risk just to indulge into each other’s pleasure. The buck of Sukuna’s hips drives you wild as the sting subsides and is replaced with euphoria. One hand clamping around your mouth as he forces you silent. You poor thing, never able to hold yourself back with your pathetic claims that he just makes you feel too good. 
The way he drills his cock inside of your pussy, pistoning inside of you with such vigor that it has your nails digging into his back. Creating more scratches to accompany the old ones that are slowly fading away, your mewls and moans go muffled as he grunts and groans from above you. Glossy eyes that stare up at him with such heavy admiration as you hold on for dear life. Your juices intermingle with the translucent precum that seeps from his tip, his hips holding no rhythm as he selfishly uses your body. For a moment does he uncover your mouth, replacing his hands with his lips to swallow down your moans as his pelvis beats into yours. And though the undead prowls through the night, the squeaks of the battered and overused patio sofa goes unheard, the crickets and cicadas creating a song to deafen the lustrous intimacy the two of you share. 
When you cum, it reminds him of the desperate who plead for their life, so weak and torn that they whimper out so pathetically that it sends blood rushing straight down, the depiction reminding him of you. A look of craze that always washes over his face before he lands the finishing blow and they’re no more. Your face contorting in pleasure as you beg and plead to him. You pull away from him, calling his name. “Su…Sukuna, please.”
Please, that one word he associated with weakness. A word that he’s always associated with asking instead of simply taking what you wanted. You weak little thing, begging for something you know he’ll always grant you just to see the way your body responds.
He grabs your face, squishing down on your cheeks before his index and middle finger shove their way inside your mouth. No gentler than before, he only continues his abuse on your cunt, the head of his cock kissing roughly at your cervix before your body stiffens. Your legs tensing up and trapping him inside you as your mouth falls open. You resemble a wounded animal, whimpering and croaking out in pure lust and ecstasy. 
Your pussy flutters, beckoning for his orgasm to follow in suit as you cream around his cock. One more bite— letting go of your lips and his mouth now on your neck, a high-pitched squeak leaves you as he spills his seed inside of you. He paints your walls white as your heat holds him tightly inside, canines digging inside your flesh as he groans in pleasure. A white ring forming around the base of his cock, a beautiful picture painted as both bodies lay pliant in attempts to catch your breaths. At the end of it all, your eyes close shut. Just like all of his victims, accepting a pitiful defeat. 
Only, yours has come to be something he loves.
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( 🫀 ) : @r0ckst4rjk @kasukuna @pixelcafe-network @satsattoru
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stil-lindigo · 1 year ago
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You'r eunder no obligation to reply but I'd like to ask, how do you keep your head up these days considering the genocide? It's been nearly five months now, my entire family is giving up the stirke and falling into propoganda, and every time i think "surely this is the end, no way the us will keep supporting this, israel is on limited time" i keep seeing no end in my twitter feed to the countless losses, i keep seeing gore and childrens butchered on my tiktok. i dont wanna lose hope or faith but ive started feeling so depressed these days that i dont even wanna open my social media because i know what ill see. it might sound selfish but i hope i can open up my tiktok and see silly little people doing trends again instead of seeing one between 6 posts asking to use filters so that they can donate and detailing the necessities that israel banned from palestine and it just feels so soul crushing and hopeless. it makes me feel worse because if im tired of it then how do palestanians cope being in it? if you have any tips or good news id be grateful
hi anon. A lot of what Palestinians report first-hand is graphic, and horrifying, and would contribute to that soul-crushing feeling. But they are so tenacious, they have so much love for their people, their country. Often, Bisan or Motaz or Plestia when she was still in Gaza will share little slices of joy from displaced Palestinians. It reinvigorates me, and I'll often return to watch them when things seem dire.
A baby in Gaza, blessedly unaware of the horrors. Look at that smile!
A Palestinian mother makes donuts for her children, and offers Bisan one as she prepares for an interview. She (the mother) talks about how she makes treats like this to try to cheer up her children, how she keeps herself busy like this so she can't feel the grief of the situation. It is expensive to buy firewood these days, and flour. At her side, her children chip away at a block of wood to help her.
if you'd like to support people like this family, donate to CareforGaza, which directly distributes supplies and money to families in need. They have stopped donations to their Gofundme campaign due to overwhelming support, but you can still donate via the paypal link in their bio.
Young Palestinians parkour in the ruins of Gaza, to show that Israeli bombing will not kill their spirits.
Mo, a Palestinian man, buys cat food after searching for two days straight, and feeds the stray cats in Gaza.
Palestinian children at a refugee camp filming a cute video.
Although they've lost their home, a Palestinian family gather to celebrate their youngest child's birthday, complete with a small cake and a birthday hat.
Bisan makes bread in Khan Younis.
Palestinians celebrate the birthday of an injured girl in hospital, with a small cake. One of them has dressed up as a clown.
After losing 22 members of his family and being injured in a bombardment, a Palestinian man named Mohammed Al Ghandour marries his fiance in a tent.
A Palestinian journalist plays with a baby who survived an airstrike.
@/nisreendiary on TikTok documents the process of making fresh bread in a tent in a calming video.
I got most of these off twitter, from this thread. Twitter is a hellscape at the best of times, but the easy communication it provides is a blessing. I'll try to share more of the good news here, as they pop up. In the future, I recommend you follow Eye on Palestine, or Al Jazeera if you'd like to stay informed on the situation in Gaza with minimal scrolling.
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cherryclitgirl · 3 months ago
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The Gods IV
Pairings: Maegor x reader
Author’s note: Hey guys sorry for not updating, I’m working on this one and the Song of fire. Sorry but I had to restart because the app updated while I was typing and erased the work and I’m currently studying for my midterms. Anyway I hope you all have a good Christmas, Hanukkah and Kwanzaa! (and I’ll be updating soon, if you have any suggestions or request feel free to tell me:)
Summery: After the death of her son and Ceryse, the queen’s eye’s began to open to the dangers of the world. She recognizes the danger of being married to Maegor, and that as queen she must do what it necessary for the protection of her children,causing her to distrust the people she once called family. Maegor has too come to bone chilling realization that the young girl he tormented is old enough to betray him at any given moment.
———————————————————————-
“Fueled the terror of becoming prey, see quickly we become predators.” - Dr. Volumnia Gaul
There had been a shift after the death of Queen Ceryse Hightower. The court filled the halls of the Red keep with tales about her demise. Many gossiped over her sudden death stating it had been planned. While others argued that the queen had been in poor health for long and she had finally succumbed to the Stranger whilst she slept . Even after her cold body was found by her handmaiden neither Maegor nor Tyanna visited her. The only who had seemed to act had been queen y/n, briefly ordering for the silent sisters to prepare the body. There was no ceremony in her honor, no discussion or public announcement. Her body was ordered to be returned back to Oldtown without further questioning.Soon there was not single trace that remained of Queen Ceryse Hightower.
The council meeting concluded as it would have any other day. It had been quiet and the lords kept their eyes on Maegor and the two queens. Not a brief mention of Ceryse was uttered throughout the entire meeting, leaving no room for future attempts of discussions. Maegor stayed back as everyone began to leave the room, everyone left except for y/n. She turned to look back at Maegor who sat on his chair his expression pensive but resilient.
His eyes did not move from her, he was glad she had stayed. He didn’t hesitate to hold her hand as soon as she was in front of him “I did waver… when I had to marry her” he spoke his voice cold and low “But no with you” he said his large fingers intertwining with hers.
“I do not wish to hear of it ” she spoke softly slightly leaning down . Maegor had not hesitated to take his niece as his wife after he took the throne. Not because she was another thing he had earned, but because she was just like him. He saw it, when she was still a child. When he was still her father’s hand. Her claws digging deep into face of a noble after he made a remark about her sister. Her nails so deep , his face had begun to bleed. It had been the mentioned of her sister that had always triggered something in her. The order she gave to have Lord Alton’s head removed. Now the death of Ceryse. He was no fool he had been in the same room when it happened. Hiding in the walls after Tyanna told him Ceryse she called for y/n.
She was just like him, violent underneath her act of rightouness . Her true colors were beginning to show, if she wished for it she could’ve betrayed him. Yet she didn’t. He was thankful for that. He didn’t trust Tyanna, he had seen Tyanna’s true behavior. When it came to worrying, his mind never directed itself to Tyanna.
“Lord Tymond rides for Kings landing, you summoned him?” He asked his fingers beginning to caress her hand. “I ordered it” she said resting her forehead against his. Maegor closed his eyes letting out an exhausted sigh, he was frustrated with the current events of the kingdoms. The faith militant was dying down, no longer were they allowed to carry weapons. But there was more to do, so much more. “We also need a new master of laws “ her murmured his eyes closing for a moment.
“I’m sure any Lord will be please to take that place” she said her forehead still resting against his. “Would you?” He asked his eyes opening to meet hers.
“Why on Earth would I do that” she scoffed softly pulling her head away his. She leaned back against the table her fingers still intertwined with his. “You’ve used your power to punish Lord Alton, you have been a good advisor, you’ve earned your seat” he told there.
She didn’t regret her decision Lord Alton was to die sooner or later. However it had been the first time she used her power as queen if she became mistress of laws there was no telling what she would do. “Do you know why I took the throne?” Maegor asked his young wife. He felt her body tense beneath her touch, it was sore topic for her. He had killed her two brothers, usurped the throne and forced her to marry him. “You sought power “ she replied.
Maegor rose from his seat and leaned closer to her. His large frame towering over her body “I sought greatness. ” he corrected her “The realm was weak. You know it. They all did” he hissed his hands slowly reaching for her neck. “I did not hesitate to spill blood to create stability“. His hand wrapped around her neck with a gentle grip he was not trying to hurt her, his thumb gently caressed her skin “It was necessary “ there was no remorse in his voice just empty words.
His eyes were focused on hers. Her big beautiful purple eyes. They were filled with many emotions, sadness, anger and bitterness. “Even Viserys?” She asked him.
“Even Viserys” he replied. “Your mother’s defiance could not go unpunished” No matter what he said the murder of her young brother was not justified even if his hand was on her neck, even if she was at his mercy. She tried to move away but the once gentle grip on her neck suddenly tightened.
His expression had not darken nor changed but his grip had “Your father was weak, your brother would was to ” he spoke his harsh yet his expression was still unreadable “My father did not conquer the seven kingdoms just for power…He created justice and stability “ His grip was not meant to hurt her but it could. “You are no fool y/n” he spoke firmly “yet you choose to be”
“You have the will and the ability to make decisions and you’ve showed it” he spoke his voice filled with venom “Sooner or later Jaehaerys will want the iron throne and to secure his claim he will put our children to the sword”He hissed at the girl.
She was well aware if Maegor were to die, her brother would want to reclaim the throne. The lives of her children would be at stake, there would be no one on her side to protect her. If Maegor was gone any protection he gave her would follow . “You prepare our son to rule …or you cling to Jaehaerys for mercy” he spoke his hand letting go of her neck. Queen y/n eyes began to sparkle , but tears did not fall from her eyes. For she knew the cold truth…Maegor was right.
“Will you stand by me when the time comes?” He asked the girl “Or will you cower away like your mother and father”. Both of his hands found their way to her cheeks. She looked into his eyes, She had begged for mercy when her child was murdered, and she would be damned if she pleaded once more. “I will” she said softly.
Maegor hummed and placed a kiss on her lips “Good” her murmured against his soft lips. He pulled away and stared at her for a moment admiring her beauty. As long as he had her by his side there was nothing to worry about, after all they shared more things in common than she realized.
Maegor left her to ponder, she began to realize that she had to ensure not only the protection of her children but her own. She was the queen, the power she had was enough to maintain stability in her own right. But it was not enough to prevent Jaehaerys from putting her children to the blade. He was her young brother, still a child but he was actively hiding. Along with her mother, her brother was surrounded with those that opposed Maegor. Those who would not hesitate to kill her children— to kill her. She would not succumb to that faith, not after what she had endured.
- - - - - - - - - - - - -
“Where is Aella?” Baelon asked his mother as he waltzed into the room his eye landing on Rhaenor. He was very fond of his younger sister Rhaella, he was fond of both of his siblings and the three had a close bond as they were close in age . Y/n often wondered if Baelon had forgotten about Aegon. He was practically a babe when it happened, part of her was relieved that Baelon did not have such horrible memory. “Abandoned your custom already, sweet boy?” His mother smile pausing her embroidery.
Baelon grinned making his way to his mother “Grand maester Benifer allowed me to leave early” he spoke looking for something in his pocket. He took out a small scroll and held up to his mother “He said it’s from Lord Tymond”. Y/n did not recognize the wax stamping on the scroll, but she did recognize that it must be important. Grand maester Benifer always personally delivered news and letters . “I’ll see to it later “ she smile discreetly taking away the scroll.
Baelon happily ran to play with his brother while his mother remained seated. Often she felt as if she were being watched. She looked at the balcony and pondered about stepping out to read the letter. But she would not risk the danger of stepping out in opened. Instead she continued embroidering moons and starts on her daughter’s new dress.
Grand Maester Benifer was concentrated writing on his book. His study smelled of natural herbs mixed with the odor of his experiments. There were large piles of parchments and medical equipment cluttering his room. His head perked up as he heard the door opened. Her grace queen y/n stood holding the small parchment on her hand. It was still unopened and he was almost aware of the reason of her visit.
“Would her grace like to sit down?” He asked gesturing a sofa in his study. She shook her head and walked to his desk her hand clutching the unopened scroll. “Care to explain?” She asked unamused.
Maester Benifer gave her a weak smile exhaling as he began to speak “My apologies your grace, it would’ve have been risky if I had delivered it personally “ he explained “For the contents of the letter come from across the narrow sea”.
Her eyes fell on the small scroll she was well aware of a certain someone who resided across the narrow sea. Someone she had not seen in years “Are you sure?” She asked slowly almost afraid of having misheard.
“A maid from Dragonstone received it…there are those who still are loyal to your mother and brother” He told her hoping the love for her family had not disappeared.
“ Traitors of crown” she spoke to herself as she began to open the seal. She her hands were trembling slightly as she began to unroll the small scroll. Her stomach began to fill with both excitement and fear “It’s from Rhaena” she whispered. She tried to hide a smile but it soon betrayed her as she began to read.
“ y/n… there are many things I wish to say, and not enough room for the amount of words I wish to write . I pray for you to forgive me. I abandoned you on that wretched day, it was not in my best judgment to leave you. I did only what a mother thought was needed. I took my daughters and sought refuge away from Maegor. By doing so I abandoned you, it is something I carry with me all these years…. I pray you read letter and the rest that follow ”
She had stopped reading the letter even before the grand maester spoke. She did not blame her sister for leaving, she had forgiven long before she send the letter. Her sister was protecting her daughters, and y/n would’ve have done the same But writing back to Rhaena would be foolish, anyone who was not currently in the realm acknowledging Maegor as king was enemy of the crown. She would not put her and children at risk by going against Maegor. She simply swallowed the emotion that had build up on her throat and crumbled the scroll.
“Your grace?” The grand maester asked confused as he watched her toss the letter into the fireplace. “Might I ask..are you not pleased with the words of your sister?” He asked the queen.
Y/n shook her head as she watched the paper burn into ashes “I am grand maester, but if that letter were to get in the wrong hands”she said pausing as her hands fiddled with her necklace. Already picturing Maegor’s grip “Our heads would on spikes “ she warned him . The grand maester dropped his gaze, he had been guilty of many crimes. He gave the queen the moon tea, he had searched for allies that were loyal to Jaehaerys. He had given her that letter. “Our sins will haunt us” he whispered.
There were not sins in the eyes of y/n. She had refused to acknowledge her actions as immoral. For all she knew she had no plans, no motive to act against her family. But that was before Maegor warned her. She was allowed to mistrust her brother and he probably shared the same feeling. It was had seen years since she saw him last, he was child when she left and now nearly a man grown. Yet part of her was filled with a feeling that suppressed any other. The motherly rage that grew inside her. It made her distrust everyone, even Rhaena. She would do her duty as queen and ensure Baelon sat on the iron throne. She would put traitors to the sword the way her child was. Morals were set by knights and honorable people. But she was neither a knight nor honorable.
“If any letters arrive, see that they’re delivered to my chambers by Kiara” Y/n said heading to the door. The grand maester nodded unsure if he should speak. He had many regrets but his deepest regret would always be failing to advise his queen before Maegor corrupted her.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Across the narrow sea in the far end of the city of Volantis stood a large house. With large towers and high windows and Ionic columns that held it up. Its white lime stone walls guarding its owners. The night was quiet and peaceful, the only sound came from the fountain in the gardens. In one of the rooms paced a white haired woman, her simple blue dress trailing behind her. She looked at the parchment on her hand, tears swelling in her eyes she clenched it tightly. It would take days before her message arrived. It was not the first nor the last.
However no matter how many letters she sent none were answered. She could only cry and pray for a word back. Anything would sooth her heart. The guilt of knowing she fled with her daughters and left her sister behind ate alive every day. She would picture her face when she left, and cried herself to sleep. Oh her poor sister. She wished back in the Redkeep. Sharing a bedroom with sister, sneaking out down to the kitchens for cakes. Riding their dragons all over the Crownlands. She even missed when her sister dragged out to the rain. She was far away from her sister, far away from her best friend.
She had gotten the courage to finally write to her mother, she tested her luck and wrote to her sister. She knew the message was send discretely and her sister would face no trouble receiving it. Still she worried, would her sister resent her for abandoning her?
- - - - - - - - - - - -- - -- - -- - -- - -- -
The role of mistress of laws was not a task given to anyone. Many lords who spend years around the politics of the realm constantly battled for the position. The last master of laws had been established when her father was still king, he kept records of all sorts. Books and parchments that granted her knowledge of what she needed to know. Still she was not sure why Maegor had appointed her.
“Countless shelves filled with the knowledge of men” A voice spoke. Y/n looked up to see Tyanna standing by the door looking into the small study “Mayhaps the knowledge you accumulate will help Maegor keep some stability “ she said in a slight confident tone.
“Mayhaps” y/n said returning her gaze to a scroll dated during her grandsire’s reign.
“It seems like an eternity ago Aegon conquered the seven kingdoms and created his small council-“ Tyanna began but quickly stopped as she noticed y/n’s bored look. “Have you heard the story one too many times?” She smirked
“He told me the story” she corrected her, she seen the great conqueror alive. He was her grandsire, she once sat on his lap while he sat the iron throne. “I am not lost with the story, I have memorized it whole” she muttered.
“Then you understand the significance of this position? “ Tyanna raised an eyebrow “you understand there is more to the realm. The realm is difficult and to truly know it…..it’s to truly experience it.”
Y/n looked up to Tyanna for a moment watching her careful she stood carefree by the door “You speak to me as if I am new to Westeros and its laws…… I am not…you are” she cringed
Tyanna’s expression faltered for a moment but quickly smile as she left the comfort of the door “I came into this strange country as nothing but a mistress, soon a wife and now a queen, the quick change did not bestowed me with sudden knowledge “ she spoke her smile vanishing once she was close enough to y/n. The only barrier between them being a wooden desk and a silent hatred for one another.
“ Knowledge?” She asked Tynna her cold gaze meeting hers “One can read many books, listen to many lectures but one cannot fully grasp the harsh reality…Power is what keeps the realm from tearing itself. Had Aegon not conquered the kingdoms men would’ve waged war with one another. “ she told the pentosi woman.
“What is your purpose? By all right the Iron throne is yours and your sister’s…yet you’ve served Maegor and soon your son…I doubt you will have much power” Tynna spoke her fingers pressed against the desk.
“Power resides where men believe it resides”. The young queen told Tyanna. “If I have enough power..then power will be power.” Tyanna hummed and looked at the girl her expression slightly changed “How will you use that power exactly?” Tyanna questioned “Kill all those who deny the throne to your son? Avenge the death of Aegon? Or will you see this country burn for your own pleasure?”
Queen y/n simply shrugged at the her questions “Any mother would see the world burn for her children “
Tyanna scoffed slightly “What stops you from seeking revenge, ending your brother to secure Baelon’s place on the throne”
Tyanna never failed to irritate her and her constant bothering deeply annoyed her “I would be a fool to kill an innocent, but I would be a fool if I didn’t secure my son’s claim”
“Ceryse is gone, we have a mutual goal and mutuals must work together “ Tyanna proposed
“I would also be foolish to trust you” she replied her response as cold as her gaze. Tyanna sneered at her comment but deep down she knew the girl had the right to distrust her. “We kept our distance you and I” Tyanna noted as she moved away from the desk “If there was a need for us to stand together as the storm approaches…it would be now” Tyanna left but her presence still lingered
Y/n knew the conversation would be resurface again, she was no fool when it came to playing Tyanna’s games But for now she would be playing alone, as queen y/n had notice both Tyanna and Maegor were cautious and paranoid. Silently worrying and insinuating something she could not yet realize. Both of them had been correct in their statements, the throne was hers by right, and to become king Jaehaerys would have to but get rid of any active threats. She had no desire for the throne however she knew the realm needed a good monarch. She had three children and despite Baelon being the oldest, the three of them would be shaped into the crown. She would have her son on the iron throne, she would protect her children no matter the cost.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Queen y/n stopped reading letter before she tearing up the parchment. It was the fourteenth letter her sister had sent. All the same, all expressed their regrets over the last years. She would be lying if she said the first letter made her happy. Each letter had been thrown into the fire moments after reading them. Her heart was not cold, or broken. It was busy. She stood up from her seat and threw the letter into the fireplace. After the death of Ceryse there had been an obvious shift her attitude towards those around her. She had appointed new council members and even punished certain members of the court. Her visits to the small council were frequent and she became an ambitious member. She worked in the shadows- as some would call it scraping for power and clinging to whatever was beneficial.
—————————————————————————
“A marriage between Prince Rhaenor and my youngest granddaughter would strengthen the bond between both houses “ Lord Daemon suggested. The topic of marriage was not always discussed during the council meetings. Today was among the rare occasions where the topic was debated. “The queen is not only my niece but a daughter to me, having her son marry into my family would follow our traditions “ his pathetic attempts did not surprised the council. Y/n ignored her uncle, he never spoke to her and if he did it was to gain favor.
“We should consider foreign strength “ Tyanna said. “I believe marrying into a powerful family from the one of the free cities will send a good message “ she said eyeing Maegor.
“Are you suggesting Pentos?” Questioned y/n. She was leaned back on the chair her body physically in the meeting but her mind somewhere else. She had already opposed the betrothal between Aella and Baelon. Tyanna by no means came from a wealthy family, y/n never even bother to learn the story of how she met Maegor. She knew nothing about the woman and it only added to the hatred and suspicion that already lingered. If Tyanna suggested Rhaenor should be betrothed to a family from Pentos then Tyanna would choose her own kin.
“Over the past year and a half …much has happened “ Tyanna said “and…over the past months I have grown fond of the children..I might not be their mother but I wish to give when what is best “ she said calmly her eyes looking around the rest of the members. She sought their favor and Maegor was no fool at detecting it. Tyanna held no lover for any of his children but he kept quiet and simply watched as the situation unfolded. Y/n bit the inside of her cheek. Her children were hers and hers only and Tyanna had tried to kill them, now she wished to take her son Rhaenor, the only one that still looked like Aegon. Tynna had her gaze on everyone but y/n , she was well aware of her actions and she knew it infuriated Queen y/n…but she held to remorse.
Before: No matter how often she paced around with Rhaenor he simply cried even more. He would cry in her arms , the arms of the wet nurse, and in the arms of the maids. She was running out solutions and was scared her son cry for all day. She did not have a clue what it took to be a mother, she believed she would’ve already learned as this was her third child yet it was more difficult. Rhaenor was fussy and disliked many things unlike Aegon and Baelon who were often calm. Her soothing did not seem to calm him, the fact that she was pregnant yet again only filled her with overwhelming dread.
When Rhaenor was barely four moons old Maegor threw a large feast for her seventeen name day. The day was neither joyous nor pleasant for her. She simply remained seated at the royal table while she watched nobles drink and dance in her honor. They seem to enjoy the day more than she did, she did not care if they toasted her name and thanked the old gods and the new for granting king with three healthy male babes. She knew how the celebration would end.
Without fail Maegor took her to his chambers, he did want he could and what he wanted. She was still as he worked on top of her. His massive body fully covering her as he pleased himself. She never enjoyed it and it never brought her any pleasure. She felt dead while he felt alive.
Soon the poor girl became pregnant with yet another child.There she stood comforting her son while she had a small growing bump beneath her gown. She swallowed the knot on her throat , there were times where she wished to be back in the arms of her mother. But the feeling would vanish when she saw her children, she now the mother and her children needed their mother just as much as she needed hers.
“Having Pentos, one of the richest cities as allies…would send a message to a certain resident in Volantis” Tyanna spoke finally gazing at y/n. “I have chosen the family, one that is both beneficial and trusting” she finished.
Maegor exhaled rubbing his temple, the constant growing headaches plague his body. He felt his body beginning to feeble at times. The crown had enemies and as long as they lived the headaches will remain. He couldn’t care less about marriage proposals but he did found Tyanna attempts interesting as he could tell his wife was not pleased.
“The king and I will discuss it” Queen y/n spoke firmly but calming. She stopped leaning against the chair at once when Volantis was named and had visibly irritated expression .
“The queen is right” Daemon Velaryon spoke out “Let us not rush into marriages…the children are young and there is enough time ahead”. He spoke against Tyanna once his plans were made to compete with hers.
“Let us be finish then” Y/n said raising up from her seat, the rest of the lords followed each of them ready to leave the small council when Tyanna spoke “We are two queens” she declared her voice sending the lords back into their seats. Queen y/n was the only who still stood not interested in Tyanna’s words“Under one house..just like Aegon the conqueror and his two queens .”
Maegor watched his favorite wife who once was too frighten to look at him, stand against his other wife. He was fully aware that she had been young and he doubted if she would become a dutiful wife but as the years went by she was now a woman grown of twenty, advising the council and him. It made him realize she could handle the proposals, a high contrast to when she first joined the small council, were she would quietly sit and listen. “Targaryen Queens under the Targaryen house” Y/n replied reminding Tyanna she was neither high born nor Targaryen but simply Tyanna from Pentos. She turn her attention to Maegor who was trying to sooth his headache while paying attention to the banter .
“You must rest now, husband “ Queen y/n told Maegor as she moved to his side completely disregarding Tyanna’s words. The council members left the room leaving Tyanna alone, for the past half year she felt her power slipping away. Although the court did not deny her the tittle of Queen, it was y/n who they considered the true wife of Maegor. They were both from old Valyria and had been married under the faith of the seven with approval of the high septon, she had given him Targaryen children and was influential with both the common folk and the nobles. What she felt were the same feelings Ceryse once did . She held no true power except for being the mistress of whispers but even that seemed to vanish.
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“You are no fool, husband “ Y/n spoke her arm wrapped around Maegor’s as they walked side my side back to his chamber. Each noble passing near by bowed their heads respectfully, it was a rare sight to see couple together and it only fueled to their support for the Queen. “You see right through her yet you refuse to speak against her ridiculous proposals! ” She scoffed softly. “She is desperate” she said looking at her husband.
Maegor’s head pounded with a throbbing pain he was in no mood to discuss with his wife about marriages “What would have me do?” He asked pausing his steps. He would let her to decide the faith of the proposal, one which he truly did not care for.
She looked at him and shook her head “To not marry my son off to one of her — courtesans” she said bluntly. She never bit her tongue in matters that included her children. Maegor only sighed as they continued walking, he never saw Tyanna as wife. She was tavern dancer that learned the secrets of many wealthy individuals and he was in need of someone with that availability . He was fully aware of her ambition, she never made an effort to hide it from him. She had failed to do many things such as giving a child and she lacked y/n’s dutiful nature. He could agree with his wife that Tyanna’s choice was not the best.
He could not deny that his niece was a dutiful wife. She cared for both him and her children. In his mind that made her vulnerable, yet when their son was murdered she sought sanctuary in him. She had searched for him and only him.
Though Maegor had a different perspective on how his young wife viewed him. He lacked the ability to distinguish her love and duty. For she loved her husband and cared for him. But she was not in love with him.
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“I do not milk of the poppy” He said firmly. He laid on the bed his head on her lap as she sooth his headache. The night was dark and the castle walls trapped the cold air. The soft candle light barely illuminated the room creating comfort for the two of them. He had summoned her to his chambers not for pleasure but for company.
“I was told I would never have children” Maegor told her, his eyes focused on the ceiling above him “That was I damned with a rotten seed…”. He closed his eyes picturing the day the high septon dammed him for marrying Alys. He kept the fear of never having an heir buried deep in his heart. “I no longer believe that ” he spoke his eyes returning to the ceiling.
There was a moment of silence between the two of them. The only noise being the cracking of the fire burning into the wood logs and the soft whispers of the wind.
“I dreamt once “ Y/n spoke softly She dreamt, a lot and as she grew older the dreams became clear and frequent but not clear enough to warn her about her future. The first dream she ever experienced happened long before her father became king. The wolf man, she called it. The body of a man but the head of wolf. Her sister Rhaena had been disturbed when she walked into her sister day dreaming, her eyes simply staring at the wall. Her second dream was the dream of the man with a golden hand cursed to love his match, that dream had been short but clear and would come soon, but not during her time.
“Of four dragon eggs and their mother…the loss of one fueled a fire within her…… so strong the three remaining eggs hatched…but it was in her story to live in sorrow …until only a single one remained “. Her soft fingers gently massaging the side of his head providing him with comfort.
“Our children?” Maegor asked his wife. The dream followed the order of their children… four babes and their mother and only three remained. He did not wish for the dream to become reality.
She shook her head “No” she spoke softly “It’s all a story” her voice creating calmness in the room “And you’re but one part in it”. His wife’s words send an uncomfortable feeling down his neck and body. Although he was glad her dream did not apply to their children, he did find her ability induring and chilling.
She had lived in misery for years in his grasp. He often wondered how she found a new strength after the death of their son. Her growth was no longer a duty but a need. She had her own ambition , she would put her son on the iron throne not because it was his birthright but she wanted it. To him her motives were clear, she would soon rather burn House Targaryen than have her children slaughtered by her brother. She would take the throne even if she had to spill her own blood. She would decide who sat on it and it would not be her brother.. the history books will always remember her. Her tragic life abandoned and doomed by the gods .
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She stood overlooking the training yard watching Baelon train. He was seven summers old almost eight and had begun his sword training. He sparred against young squires and sometimes Maegor would personally instruct him. His resemble to his brother Aegon had faded. He has his own looks that imitated his father’s. Had Aegon lived past the age of four mayhaps he too would’ve look like Maegor.
“You still mourn Aegon” Tyanna’s voice spoke as she stood next to y/n. It has been nearly four year since the death of Aegon and even when the days passed and the new season began to emerge ,she still dreamt of her son. He wondered if Bealon remembered his brother or if he simply believed it had all been a dream. However she never failed to talk about her son , afraid her children will grow thinking he never existed.
“It’s a condition of motherhood” y/n replied her eyes not moving away from Baelon. She loved her children dearly and no one denied it. Unfortunately for the past year and so she had began to show her true colors at court, she was the queen consort, what little power she had she made sure to use it all.
“Come the good years Baelon will become king wear his father’s crown and rule Westeros “ Tyanna said. Y/n had spend the days shaping her children to wear the crown , some would say she loved her children but her love did not stop her from using her children as pawns. “Aegon will simply be washed into the history books and be forgotten by most”
“He will be a good king” Y/n spoke “A decent king” the firmness in her voice lingering for a little longer. “Aegon’s memory will die when I die”. There was acceptance in her words ,she knew better than anyone that it was only she who kept her son’s memory alive.
“He will soon ride for the Dorne “ Tyanna said referring to Maegor who had decided his presence is needed to at marches to put an end to the dispute between the stormlands and Dorne.
Y/n hummed in response , her husband always decided his presence was needed where there was conflict “He will leave you as regent?” She asked Tyanna. Having Tyanna as regent meant what ever power y/n looked for Tyanna would have it. Maegor did not trust the Hand of the king to have him as regent. Tyanna scoffed as if y/n had insulted her “These people do not consider me their queen, even if he left me as regent there would be anything put respect “ the hostility towards her position was noticed by both Maegor and y/n.
Y/n was able to hide her smile at Tyanna’s discomfort mayhaps Maegor would leave old Lord Edwell Celtigar as his regent. It would less of a challenge for her.
“He plans to remarry” Tyanna’s voice caused her relief to vanish. She knew well that Tyanna was no content with his wishes, he plan to marry widowed woman with children. The windows of the man he killed, whose children were the future lords of their fathers land. Having them close allowed him to have control over any potential threats and traitors. She knew of his future two wives, Jeyne Westerling and Elinor Costayne women who she felt pity for but not enough to welcome them with open arms, as no women should be punished in such cruel way. Rhaena’s letter became less frequent even though she never wrote back she knew the reason why her sister no longer wrote to her…she would soon see her.
“I know” y/n replied not fazed by Tyanna’s news . She had gained what little power she currently had and she would grasp to it even if she had remove obstacles. Seeing her carefree demeanor made Tyanna realize mayhaps she too should care less. “He’ll grow into a senile man paranoid of his own shadow should you join him as well ?” Y/n faced Tyanna.
Something beneath Tyanna seemed to tingle with eagerness. She had hatred towards her and y/n felt the same way. But Tyanna could not ignore the fact that she was beautiful, she had constantly lied to herself but she knew the truth. She could plot against y/n and curse her with misfortune…and it would all be just to get her attention. She looked at her plump lips..so soft and bitable, no wonder Maegor could not keep his hands off- Tyanna thought.
“I follow our husband where ever he wishes..but not that extend “ Tyanna joked nervously. She was never the flustered type, the way y/n tilted made her eagerness throb even more. “ our? Husband? “ Y/n scoffed in disbelief. Tyanna had never shared Maegor and made it clear Maegor was only her’s. She no longer considers me competition - Y/n thought as she gave Tyanna a not so subtle eyeroll.
Tyanna swallowed and looked back the training yard. It had been so long since Maegor bedded her and the feeling of pleasure was beginning to become foreign to her, she found herself missing the nights she spend with Alys, and now she yearned for y/n’s touch. “We will soon share him with multiple women, there is no mine or yours” Tyanna said. Without a word she left y/n’s side her steps becoming quicker the further she was from her.
Puzzled y/n watched her leave. Normally Tyanna would’ve pushed her buttons with a witty comment or tried to infuriate her. But she simply left without another word, holding the skirt of her dress to walk faster.
She looked at her ring for a moment, there would be time where either Tyanna would betray her or she would betray Tyanna. There was no probability that she would ally herself with Tyanna, there could be only be one queen when Maegor died and it would be her.
There was a sudden change in the training yard as chaos erupted ,guards and squires shouted and scrambled to separate a quarrel between two people. Y/n could barely see who was fighting until she looked closer and she saw silver hair. Ser Olyver was pulling Baelon who had his hands deep into a squires face, digging into his eyes so hard blood was dripping from the squire’s face. Baelon’s grip on the poor squires was so tight Ser Olyver struggled to get him off. “SAY IT AGAIN!” Baelon shouted as was dragged away from the bleeding boy “SAY IT AGAIN!”
It took several tries but Ser Olyver finally managed to get Baelon off the squire. He pushed the prince back shoving him into the dirt. The poor squire laid on the ground bruised and bloody barely moving. A large pool of blood dripping from his eyes. The guards were unsure what to do with the squire , afraid that if they touched the body they would be punished by the king. The boy was older and taller than Baelon. A few years older than him and somehow the squire had fallen. Albeit the boy had no choice as he would serve a severe punishment if he fought back. “Gods be good” Ser Olyver gasped as he knelt down by the squire, his eyes bloody and scratched. Bealon had dug his fingers so deep into the boys the skin was peelings off. Ser Olyver could not tell if the boy was alive , the boy’s eyes they were tightly closed dripping with blood. He looked back at Baelon who was still in the ground his hands were bloody and dirty, his face filled with hatred while clutching something on his fist.
“Come on Lad” Said Ser Olyver his voice rough and stern. Ser Olyver pulled him off the ground by the back of his collar. He pushed him forward almost knocking him off his feet. No King’s guard would have the guts to treat the prince in such way, but Ser Olyver had seen Aeny’s children grow up and gained the experience of a second father…and more of grandsire to Baelon and his siblings.
When Baelon was dragged off to his mother he had a sour expression refusing to look from the ground. He was afraid to face his mother, he had never seen her angry or disappointed in his actions. He was still clutching something so he carefully hid his fist.
“See him to his chambers “ Queen y/n ordered a standing King’s guard. She was furious and frustrated and unable to stand by Baelon any longer. She made her way down the to training yard where the squire laid. She was unsure if the boy was dead, his eyes were unrecognizable making it difficult for her determine if they were even opened. She felt nauseous watching the boy twitch in pain, her stomach twisting and her throat tightening in disgust.
“Why is he still here?” She hissed at Ser Olyver “Help the boy!” She ordered a guard who without another word gestured for help.
“We thought the king might want to see the boy” Ser Olyver explained not being able to look away from the body.
“He has suffered enough” she said covering her mouth with her hand. “Who was he?” She asked her gaze following the boy as he was carried off.
“The son of a steward squiring for Ser Dylan Farman” Ser Olyver told her. The squire was a simple boy working to earn his knighthood, a something many dreamed of but not many achieved. The boys mother would see her son return a walking dead man. A blind man cursed by a spoiled prince. “No amount of gold will enough for that boys mother” y/n said solemnly.
She looked at ser Olyver for a moment, she could let the boy heal and return home to his mother, but the current state of the boy would not allow it. She considered giving the order to have the boy put out of his misery it would be a quick clean death with no struggle.
“Fetch the grand maester “ she ordered as she made her way out of the training yard. The boy was would return to his mother, it was not in her heart to take the life of a woman’s child, her heart will not allow it.
Baelon sat on his bed his hands stained with blood, his eyes looking at the ground with anger and hatred. He knew his mother would soon come through the door, yell at him for the first time. He knew the consequences of what he had done, but he would be dishonest if he claimed he would not do it again. He loved his mother and did not wish to disappoint her, but there were certain things he must do. Things he could get away with thanks to his father. He knew he would not face punishment. But his father could no save him from his mother’s wrath.
The doors of his chamber opened, he slowly rose his gaze to see her standing with a cold hard gaze. “The boy….will be a blind man ” she her tone calm but firm.
“I didn’t mean to make him blind” Baelon murmured trying his best to keep his gaze on his mother. He had acted out of anger but he knew he wanted to hurt the boy, not matter how severe the result was. Baelon was not violent, his mother had made sure of it. But his feelings were not easily sooth by the love his mother granted him.
“You think your father will forever let you walk free with no punishment?” She asked him. He didn’t respond which earned him a scoffed “Your father won’t always be here, you know that ” she told him walking to his bed.
“I will be king” Baelon said his voice firm and defiant. “When father dies I will be king”
“You think the realm will accept a cruel arrogant king?” She scoffed “As we-as I see it , you will ascend the iron throne” she said “There are other’s who will put their claim forward, and your very life…the life of your brother and sister could be forfeit, Jaehaerys will not hesitate to get rid of those who oppose his succession“.
“It is my birthright-“ her hand shot out and gripped his face so tightly he winced as he felt her nails dig into his face “your birthright! “ she snapped “Will not matter!. Simply by being HIS son you are in danger! ” she hissed her nails digging on his cheeks tightly sending a stinging pain, her grip did not falter causing his eyes to water “your father did not care about my brother’s birthright! He usurped the throne, Jaehaerys will not care either , ” her voice filled with venom angry and bitter. It had been the first time Baelon had seen rage in his mother’s eyes, she was angry at him, she was hurting him. He winced trying to protest but his mother let go of his face “That did not compare to the pain you inflicted upon that boy” she exhaled.
“You will send your regrets, fall to your knees and beg the boy’s for forgiveness “ She scolded. “I will not beg-“ Yet again Baelon was silenced by his mother with a gentle but slightly firm slap that caught him off guard. “Do I make myself clear ? Or do you wish for me to slap you again?” Baelon shook his head and held his cheek.
“Wash up, your father wishes for us to have supper together “ she said firmly and left without a word.
No one was sure what the squire had said to the prince that caused such a chaotic response. Some believed the squire had offended the young prince, but no squire would be brave enough to offend the heir to the iron throne. Other’s said Baelon had seen the boy wearing an emblem of the faith of the seven. Leading to Prince Baelon to attack the young boy over his bitterness towards the faith. The story changed often but the history books remembered the incident as the first act of cruelty in the hands of Baelon the bitter.
Baelon knew it would not the last time his mother would lay a hand on his face. But as he took out a small seven pointed star pin from his pocket he silently vowed to avenge the death of his brother. His mother would have to understand even if it created a drift between them. He stared at the silver pin on his stained hand, he will punish those who wronged the crown, Rhaenor will be his hand and Aella his queen. They would rule together as his mother preordained.
A maid entered his chamber will a water bowl and rags she bowed her head at the young prince before speaking “My prince, the queen has requested for you to tend your own wounds”. Baelon simply nodded as he watched the maid place the bowl on the table, he said nothing nor protested against his mother’s orders. The maids and guards had seen him grow up and most likely heard what he had done. Mayhaps his mother was right…the people will se him differently.
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Before : With help of Dowager queen Visenya, y/n made her way into the wheelhouse. To the surprise of both of Tyanna and Ceryse the young girl would attend the hunt. “You should be coming along? It is not safe “ Ceryse warned y/n who sat down with the help of a maid. Y/n gave a half smile before holding her large bump “His grace the king wished for me to attend our son’s Name day celebrations “ she replied. It was not his wish, it was his command for her to attend the joint Name days of both Aegon and Baelon. He ignored the warnings of the maester yet again and successfully impregnated his young wife the girl was pregnant shortly after birthing Rhaenor “The grandmaester says nature should do good for her and the babe” Visenya added gesturing for another pillow to be added for y/n.
Ceryse had hope y/n remained in Dragon stone during the duration of her pregnancy. She resented the girl for getting in the way of her planned bonding with Aegon and Baelon . Yet again the girl was pregnant with her fourth child, the girl would have her fourth child before the age of twenty. The thought became bitter in Ceryse’s mind as she watched Visenya take Aegon from his wet nurse.
“The Mother is quite the generous” Ceryse smile examining the large pump on the girl.
“Is she?” Tyanna snickered eyeing Ceryse with a subtle mockery.
“My grand-niece has given my son healthy babes so effortlessly - while others have struggle and failed miserably “ Visenya said proudly keeping a sharp look on both Tyanna and Cersye. “Even if she is at the age when most girls are enjoying their early stages of womanhood” she said placing a kiss on Aegon’s head, she acknowledged what her son did to y/n. The constant pregnancies made difficult to remember a time where y/n was not pregnant. It was concerning to many members of the court. Even if the young queen has already bled and turned into a woman, in the eyes of many it had she had awfully young and she gave birth to Aegon.
“The days are not easy…but in no time the babe is born” y/n replied carefully holding onto the seat as the wheelhouse drove through hard paths. “Even if it’s a struggle” she said softly avoiding the pity gazes of the maids who were among many who opposed the constant pregnancies, strongly believing it would be the death of young girl.
The carriage reminded silent expect for the noises of both Aegon and Baelon. Rhaenor still being a babe remained in the Redkeep. Despite having wet nurses it was y/n who was slowly learning the ways of being a mother.
The King’s woods appeared to be a small village with the amount of tents and stands set up for the nobles. Jousting and combat arenas were installed for the two princes. Dancing and drinking, large tables with feasts laid out for Maegor’s court. Great houses traveled to celebrate the occasion, all but Baratheon who simply granted both princes with large piles of gifts. The Targaryen colors were displayed proudly and the people gathered as the wheel houses came to a halt. Cheers were received by Maegor who had ridden Balerion despite being such a short flight they watched as he dismounted his dragon with ease. The large beast towering over the camp that now appeared insignificantly smaller.
Ceryse stood up ready to open the door of the wheelhouse when Visenya spoke “The princes should go first along with their mother and I”. Ceryse’s smile faltered as she had planned to exit the wheelhouse with Aegon. She simply nodded and watched as Visenya and the maids help y/n leave her seat.
“Your attempts are no longer admirable but pathetic “ Tyanna whispered whisper to Ceryse as loud clapping erupted once queen y/n and Visenya stepped out of the wheel house. Maegor smile at his mother as he took Aegon and Baelon from her arms. His large stature guarding his sons in his arms. He named his first born son after his father, and his second son after his dragon. He displayed them both with pride, pride in his accomplishment when it came to defying the gods.
“Here is to the princes of the realm!” Lord Daemon Velaryon toasted as he rose his large goblet of wine. Soon the rest of the nobles followed imitating the toast. Daemon Velaryon was a proud man, having he niece married to the king only added to his ego and did not waste his time parading the topic around.
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The room was lit with candles and the fire that granted them warmth. The large oak table filled with variations of foods for the royal family. At the head of the table sat Maegor and Baelon by his side. Rhaenor only a few months younger than Baelon sat on the opposite side drumming his fingers with a slightly bored expression. The doors opened and queen y/n with her daughter Rhaella by her side. She was a happy child with her mother’s eyes, she was often seen day dreaming just like her mother and had taken an interest at the night sky.
Queen y/n noticed there were only fives chairs in the room , Tyanna would not be attending the supper. There were rare occasions when Maegor wished for his family to be together and enjoy supper, in some past occasions even Visenya would attend. “As it should be from now on, a united house under one roof” Maegor said waiting for his wife to take a seat on the opposite side next to him.
“I did not take you for a man who upholds his family values “ she replied dark red dress trailing along with her as she sat next to him. Maegor smirked admiring his youthful wife “Certain things make a man change his mind” he said taking her hand.
“How dreadful it is to know you ride for the marches soon” She said sarcastically as he kissed her knuckles. “You will see it soon wife , I plan to have Dorne on its knee before the new moon” he said proudly.
“Unbent, unbowed , unbroken “ she replied “You fail to remember certain places are better as foes than allies”. Aegon the conqueror himself had failed to conquer Dorne and Maegor would be defeated even if he tried.
“I am well aware of their words, what are words when fire and blood rains upon them” he said mockingly. “I will also take Baelon” he said smiling at his son
“That is out of the question “ Queen y/n said frowning “He’s too young, I will not let him ride to a battle he did not start.”
“I’m not sending the boy to die , he’s my squire and he will learn when he’s in the battle ground” Maegor said firmly “If needed he will ride along with me atop of Balerion “ He said proudly.
“You’re keen to have our son rain fire upon the innocent “ Y/n sighed. “Innocent?” Maegor laughed “Those people are mongrels “ he said in disgust “Baelon has proven himself to be a notable sword mans despite young” he said referring to the accident from earlier.
“Do not congratulate him- he blinded a man” y/n disagreed “But that does not mean he should go to battle”
Baelon who had been quiet finally spoke “I wish to fight, earning my knight hood means a great deal to me” he said his voice betraying his eagerness.
“It’s settled” Maegor said satisfied. Y/n she could no longer protest and ultimately decided to not.
“What about us?” Aella asked her father “you will remain in Red keep” he said observing his wife “under the care of my chosen regent, whilst Rhaenor squires for Lord Edwell and learns what it takes to be hand of the king “ his eyes then landing on his son. “Won’t you lad?” He asked his son. Rhaenor nodded proudly content with his father’s choice. “I will” he grinned
The dinner continued with the occasional chatter and bantering of Aella and Rhaenor, all y/n could think about was what she would do during her husbands absence, he would leave Tyanna and mayhaps return to a dead wife and a sole queen until he married Jeyne Westerling and Elionor Costayne. The thought of no longer dealing with Tyanna was refreshing, she could send Maegor’s wife to Dragonstone whilst she dealt with the succession. Everything would go her way, for once.
She was about to leave the room after dinner concluded when she felt his hands on her waist. It irked her when she felt his touch “Eager , when you have two brides riding for King’s landing” she muttered taking his large hands off her.
“I did not take you for a the jealous wife” he sneered his firm not letting go off her as he sank his face in the crook of her neck “I did not waver when it came to marrying you - to think I will replace you with them is foolish..even for you” he said turning her around to face him.
“Do as you wish” she said dryly“I have done my duty “ she hissed as his hand gripped her chin “you are a hateful woman, our son does not only take after me but you as well” he taunted her. Deep down she knew she was also filled with bitterness something she tried to hide but always lingered.
“You will receive Lady Jeyne and Lady Elinor in my absence “ he told her his hand still firmly gripping her face. “You will do so with no complaint. If you wish to remain in your position , you will do as I tell you”
She clenched her jaw and nodded “As you wish it”. Over my dead body- she thought to herself, when Maegor left the city gates things would change and she would be sure of it.
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Maegor rose from his seat while the council members watched. “You are all well aware of my soon departure “ he spoke his voice rough and cold. “The conflict at the marches will be resolved and soon Dorne will join us” he scanned the room for anyone who wished to speak but all sat quietly listening.
“Lord Edwell” he turned to the hand of the king. The old lord looked vigilant waiting for the king to speak. “Your grace?” He replied clearing his throat. He was visibly nervous as he felt Maegor cold glare on him.
“You will council my son, Rhaenor will be the future hand of Baelon” he instructed to the old lord. “It is my honor your grace, to instruct the prince “ The old man bowed his head.
“It should be” Maegor replied looking at his ring before speaking again “My dear lady wife, who has stood by me for as long as I have been king” he spoke his gaze still on his ring.
Tyanna seemed more relaxed at his comment, he had acknowledged her and her devotion to him. Something she never expected but always craved. After years at his service he would name her regent and the court would deal it with.
“Only a cunning woman as her should be named regent” his voice filled with admiration as his eyes landed on her. The eyes in the room landed on her as well. It had been expected and unexpected. The once tense room seemed relaxed, the members could not oppose his choice. He locked eyes with her and gave her a nod of approval. He did not considered anyone else as regent, the choice there the whole time. His mind never changed.
“Y/n” he spoke firmly pulling his chair so she could sit. She will sit in judgment and rule for him during his absence. As she took her seat the head of the table she held her gaze. Everything had fallen in order as she had hoped, even better than she had. As regent she no longer needed to grasp for power. It had been delivered to her by her king himself.
Tyanna face was hard only watching as Maegor whispered something to y/n. Having the woman she hated as regent was worse than having Lord Edwell, she will cling for mercy something she knew y/n no longer had for those who wronged her. Tyanna had wrong her as much as Maegor had and in her heart she knew she would not be spared.
Tymond Lannister and Daemon Velaryon gave each other knowing glances. Daemon was her uncle and now a trusted ally, only adding to the desperation of being at the high table of nobles. Tymond was a friend, she had appointed him herself and he supported her son��s claim, with her as regent they need not to worry about Maegor.
Only Grand maester Benifer, her longest ally who knew having her a regent meant she had all the power. Something she had searched for since the death of he son, only the gods knew what y/n would do once Maegor left.
The horses and men were ready and so was Baelon, his armor shone under the sun light and clanked as he walked. Dark sister tightly stripped on his waist, his father had given him the sword as a name day gift ,he approached her mother eh “I’m sorry” he spoke quietly. Long it had been since his outburst and was unsure if his mother had forgiven him. “For what sweet boy” his mother asked brushing some hair off his face.
“I truly did not wish to blind him…but I did want to harm him” he confessed. His mother kissed the top of his and whispered to him “If you to harm those who hurt us, let it be them and not the innocent”. He nodded upon hearing her words. “I don’t have a dragon what use would I be to him” he sighed.
She smiled and patted his shoulder “I have not seen my dragon in years only from afar. But one day, you will get to have one and experience the feeling of soaring through the skies. “.
“I heard Skyfyre’s song is filled with sadness, she’s taken home in Dragon stone waiting for you” Baelon said “She has three eggs that she guards with her might…selfish” he rolled his eyes.
His mother chuckled as guided him to say his goodbyes to his brother and sister. “Aella” Baelon said taking out a small ring from his pocket “I will be back soon enough”. “I know” She smiled as she accepted the ring.
“I trust the iron throne will be warm when I return” Maegor said pulling his wife aside.
“Anything else you wish for me to warm? Such as your bed for Jeyne and Elionor “she raised an eyebrow.
Maegor smirked “I would venture to say it was I who you are protective of, but if it’s your role as queen you so worry about” he said holding her hand. “You will not be supplanted, you are the queen regent do as you wish “ he placed a kiss on her. He was confident on his future victory, his wife had made sure to grant him pleasure before he rode off. He almost regretted his choice on leaving. “I will return “ he reassured her.
“I know” she replied letting go off his hand as he placed his helmet on his head. He would ride Balerion with his son. He looked at his wife before both him and Baelon made their to the dragon pit.
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Rhaella sat on her mother’s lap , the had iron throne always intimidated her. The sharp blades poking out, thousands of swords forged into a large throne meant for the king. So mighty it seemed to never end. Yet there she sat with her mother as if they were both ment to sit comfortably . Listing to the request and petitions of both nobles and small folk. Her brother Rhaenor stood by lord Edwell as they gestured for another petition, Rhaenor had learned fast and he grinned at his sister every now and then both finding their roles boring but interesting. Their father had been gone for months now and their mother had been running kingdom smoothly, even forcing to common people and nobles to coexist if they wished for an audience.
“Good morrow you grace” a small old man bowed to queen y/n.
“Good morrow Kevan” queen y/n nodded, it was the third time the old man had asked for an audience, first time being when a member of the guards had assaulted his bread stand. The second when noble had been tormenting his daughters. Even if the request was minor the small folk sought refuge in the queen who defended them.
“I heartily hesitated on asking for another audience , your grace” he said ashamed.
“You are to ask for as many audiences as you please” she reassured him. “How might I be at your service?” She asked.
The old man swallowed hard “I come representing the small folk who..are afraid of facing the nobles and the faith “ he spoke quietly but bravely. She raised an eyebrow at the mention of the Seven, her husband had banned the militant from carrying weapons and all she knew they currently roamed the streets as they please with no arms or weapons.
“There had been…unfair attacks on us your grace, we are accused of sins we have not committed and terrorized by nobles who envied our new privilege of exposing their actions” Kevan said his voice raising slightly.
Y/n nodded as she listen his petition “There is a new self proclaimed high septon, he calls himself the Lord of the seven, he claims he was chosen by the gods. He accepts coins from the nobles who seek to make the small folk pay for their own punishment.” The queen was well aware of the result when it came to prioritizing the common people, many nobles has been exposed by both the small folk and the servants themselves yet she never expected for the nobles to form an alliance with the faith militant. The people who took her son.
“I assure you Kevan, you problems will be dealt with” she spoke firmly. “Where would I might find this so called Lord of the seven?”.
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“You sit so comfortably “Tyanna said bowing her head. The throne was completely empty and only y/n sat the throne lost in her thoughts, her body completely leaning against the throne fully relaxed. The day was late but it was yet to end “it’s a chair” y/n replied. Tyanna rolled her eyes walking closer to the bottom of the steps her heels clicking and echoing in the empty hall. “A throne, one which your brother is currently desiring “ Tyanna corrected her.
“You have not been of much use lately” she told Tyanna her voice slightly annoyed.
“I tell her grace what she should hear” Tyanna smirked “Not what she wants to hear”. It was clear she kept information from the queen, the only thing she could do as an act of defiance.
“Within a fortnight Lady Westerling and Lady Costayne will arrive. Yet you refuse to cooperate, even though your tittle and power are diminishing” y/n muttered. “Tell about me Rhaena…Will she be the third bride” Y/n had not received a letter from her sister which only filled her suspicions.
“He send a message..pardon her for her acts if she married him, and bend the knee“ Tyanna told her “It was just answered and she has agreed”. It felt strange that the once defiant sister had easily accepted such ridiculous proposal. But she had her own daughters to protect and for that y/n did not blame her. Tyanna was not by all means pleased with his decisions, she was jealous having to share Maegor but seeing y/n not care for the king and only worry about the throne made her feel something.Feelings she struggled to hide, feelings that would make the hatred for her vanish.
Y/n did not care for Tyanna let alone Maegor. Though having Tyanna as a spy was a useful benefit her, she would not side with the woman that killed her brother. “That will be all” she dismissed her.
The place reeked,even if she held her scented handkerchief close to her nose she still could smell the decaying stench. They had made the outside of the Grand Sept their home, and even in the outdoors the smell of facies was potent enough to make her gag. She had the king’s guard by her side an and few guards ready to defend her if any of them attacked. As she was about to climb the steps a group of men dressed in grey robes blocked her path. She had not come to discuss peace terms with the lunatics that terrorized the streets she had come to put an end to it. The men did not say anything simply blocked her path not flinching or moving. She looked back Ser Olyver standing behind her, his sword tightly held on his hand.
“Clear it out” she ordered not bothering to look back at the group. Without hesitation the white cloaks took out their sword and swooped to clear out the steps. She did not look back as heard the agonizing screams of the faith militant. The sound of crushing skulls and the clanking of metal attracted the attention of the common folk. They watched in horror as the King’s guard stained their cloaks. Leaving no room for escape each guard cut through them swiftly and each body fell one by one.
It was Ser Olyver who climbed the steps of the sept clearing his path with his sword in hand. He looked for the so called Lord of the seven ready to take his head. He stopped at his tracks instantly spotting a knelt man praying to the Father above. Ser Olyver took off his helmet the only noises were the screams and clacking of metal . The king’s guard would clear not only the sept but the Red keep. In his pocket was a list of names of nobles who conspired against the throne. He would help queen y/n restore greatness to Westeros.
The lord of the seven had his eyes closed and silently prayed, his voice coming out in rigid whispers. He swallowed knowing soon his head would fall from his shoulders, but he will meet the gods and they would reward him. He was wrong.
He gasped as his lungs filled with water. Burning his nose and throat as his head was shoved into water. He was about the scream but his head was submerged again. He coughed loudly unsure of where he was. “What?” He breathed loudly trying to fight off the dizziness. He felt a sharp pain on his jaw that made his eyes focused on a woman who stood next to a guard. “Leave us” she ordered. The old man had his hands and feet tied up and could not move even if he tried. He was shoved into the dirty floor his face slamming hard against the stone. He felt the drool mixed with blood pour down his mouth. He spat out a tooth, his mouth full of the metallic taste of blood.
“I always pictured this moment “ the voice said. He was on the ground and the only thing visible was the dark red dress she wore. “Only it was you who had me at your mercy” she said dryly, her dress circling around him. “You were reason I never slept, the reason I was paranoid of everything, I was afraid to close my eyes. Afraid you would come take my children” she said pausing her steps for a moment. The old man looked up and was met by a white harried maiden. Dressed in beautiful red and black gown, her hair neatly done and her hands fidgeted with her rings. “I was, so consumed with grief my daughter did have a mother for the first months of her life ” she said biting the inside of her cheek.
“Your child” he moaned In pain his limbs suddenly aching “was an abomination “ his voice weak and fragile.
“Yes but was mine!” she snapped her eyes filled with anger, her teeth dug in the inside of her cheek so tightly she too could taste blood. “He was not a monster, he was a child!” She hissed. The man did not respond, the man simply lay on the ground twitching in agony. “My child”
The lord of the seven began to drag himself across the floor, the little strength he had used it to try and sit up. “I’m, not much of a believer, I never was. But I do believe that if you could, you would kill the rest of my children.”
The man let out a painful groan as struggled to reach the wall. “You were out for.. a week mayhaps “ she said “the king’s guard made sure to torture you even when your eyes were closed.” She said her hands folding together unsure what to do with them. She wanted for him to feel pain, her pain. “You will at no one’s mercy and you will beg for forgiveness. Not it is sufficient “
The old man spat out again this time more blood came out of this mouth “You” he gasped “Will have to KILL me!”. She hummed almost finding his outburst amusing. Her hands folding together unsure what to do with them, she would not touch him
“Kill you?” She sneered “no, I won’t kill you but the days will stretch and you will wish I did ”. She wanted him to suffer and he would be locked in the smallest chamber and be tortured severely but still he kept alive. The old man had not been caught by Maegor which only made the interaction more satisfying for her. She was avenging her son but it was not enough in her eyes. “The heads of your followers are currently on spikes but you won’t join them, not any time soon”. She looked at him with disgust as he watch him finally sit up. It was pathetic how long it took him, she simply knocked him back down with her foot.
“For Aegon��� it was the last thing the man heard before she turned blew out the torches . Leaving him trapped in the cramped cell with nothing but his pain and that rats that would soon eat him.
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She stood overlooking the gates watching the last lord be hang for treason. She stood and watched more than twenty nobles hang from walls, she had spared the lives of a few of them and instead of hanging them she send three lords to the wall, where they will forever rot without titles or lands.
She would welcomed Elionor Costayne and Jeyne Westerling and even her sister Rhaena. But she would not care for them they wound fend for themselves just as she had. It had taken many losses and years for her to be forged into the woman who currently sat the iron throne in her husbands absence. Maegor was cruel , heartless and a tyrant, she had hid behind him, devoted her life to him. But she now clawed her way up the wheel clinging to power. Crushing anything beneath her path that could risked the lives of children.
It was her nature to protect the innocent.
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icyg4l · 2 months ago
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Who Wants to Kiss You Under the Mistletoe? ❄️🎄
Hello beautiful people! It’s been a long time since we’ve gathered together. But I am back and better, coming to you all with a collab with the beautiful @icanseethefuture333! I hope you all enjoy and have a wonderful and safe holiday season. Without further ado, please select the Destiny’s Child/Beyoncé Christmas photo that resonates with you to find out who wants to kiss you under the mistletoe :)
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Pile One: You have someone from the past missing you, Pile One. I get this energy of a regretful lover who wishes to start over with you. They regret not paying as much attention to you as they should have when they were in your life. They would like to make it right. Someone here is a nursing student or could be working as a medical assistant. This plays a part into why things did not work out; busy schedules can lead to resentment down the line. I heard “you got it all wrong, dear” as I was channeling messages. It feels like you could have misconstrued this person’s intentions as childish when they weren’t. You’re tired of the games, but there weren’t any played to begin with. They just couldn’t multitask and decided to let you go. Practice patience, kindness and compassion with your next lover. They will need it. But just for future reference, keep your love connections light and upbeat. It will save your heart from serious damage.
Tarot Cards Used: The Emperor, Wheel of Fortune, Princess of Wands, 2 of Wands.
Oracle Cards Used:
Express Your Love - Go ahead and make the romantic gesture.
Flirt - Extend your lighthearted energy to others.
Stay Optimistic About Your Love Life - Positive thinking and faith will bring you romance.
extras: baked bread. finished clinicals. America. Philippines. feeling drained. Looking for partnership.
Bonus Songs: Hold Tight by Justin Bieber. Let it Go by Elsa. Pick up the phone by travis scott, young thug and migos.
Pile Two: You know exactly who this person is! You and this person have similar music tastes, probably are both into niche artists or deep cuts of popular artists. This person likes to send you cute subliminals on social media, such as posting a song dedicated to you using the note feature on Instagram. This person is very aggressive in their approach. You keep resisting this connection, but you shouldn’t! Is this person not your type? Are you scared because they have children? Are you an ashamed single parent? Are you a bored college student that needs excitement in your life? Well, just know that this is your person, and you can ask for all the signs in the world but this will end up being your lover. It is possible that you two could be in a long distance situation, however, this is not stopping your person from showing up as their best selves. If given the chance to kiss them under the mistletoe, just do it! What the hell? What could go wrong?
Tarot Cards Used: Queen of Swords, The Hanged Man, King of Wands, King of Cups.
Oracle Cards Used:
Keep an Open Mind - Your soul mate may differ from your usual type and expectations.
Children - Your love life is being affected by children.
This Could Be the One: You’ve already met the romantic partner you seek.
extras: joy. georgia. SJW. emeli sande. letting it unfold. global peace prize. traumatic past.
Bonus Songs: My Love by Justin Timberlake. Feeling Myself by Beyonce. Let Me Love You by Mario.
Pile Three: Pile Three, your person hasn’t been shy about their advances at all. This is someone who finds themself to be incredibly attractive. They could be big on partying. They’re kind of intimidating (to you). But there’s no need to be scared, love. Get out of your head and get in the field. You are not out of this person’s league. You’re simply a human being with feelings that need to be expressed. Trust, the feeling is mutual. When this eventually happens, you two could be planning on watching a movie and there will be tension between the two of you. It’s also possible that this kiss could happen in front of other people. I saw a bowl of popcorn in my third eye. This could lead to other acts, if you catch my drift. You’re a hard worker, but you deserve to experience love. There is nothing wrong with taking a break and just allowing yourself to bask in the presence of someone who makes you feel free! This person does not care about your baggage, they only care about spending time with you. So go with the flow, you control freak!
Tarot Cards Used: Strength, The Hierophant, Queen of Wands, 4 of Wands.
Oracle Cards Used:
Finances and Career - Financial issues are a factor in your love life right now.
Very Soon - Clearly decide what you want so that it comes to you now!
You Deserve Love - You are lovable!
extras: sunburnt. 11th house placements. drinking. raybans. “beauty is in the eye of the beholder”
Bonus Songs: Out of My League by Fitz and the Tantrums. First Position by Kehlani.
Pile Four: As I was shuffling, I heard the word, “observant”. This person could be watching you from a distance. There is a strong connection to the Atlanta area here. You or this person could be from there. You could be visiting and vice versa. There is something about this person that brings out the girly teengirl in you, lol. This person makes you feel really giggly. This person has beautiful eyes that captivate you. They have a detached, suave demeanor to them. It seems as though they’re not real. They seem to have a level of stability in your life that you do not have, and this draws you to them. They seem to be the “perfect package” for you. As for whether or not you should kiss them, you should wait. There should be some type of buildup between the two of you. There will be some type of waiting period, of which you will endure. There could be some type of interruption (maybe a couple honestly), but the kiss will be worth it.
Tarot Cards Used: 9 of Discs. King of Cups. 8 of Cups. The Hierophant.
Oracle Cards Used:
Playfulness - To recapture romance, allow your inner youthful spirit of fun to shine!
Healing Family Issues - Your love life benefits as you forgive your parents.
Attraction - You attract romantic love by enjoying this moment fully.
extras: traveling to/from atlanta. it’s the journey. children of the corn (1984). the perfect holiday (2007). jayson tatum.
Bonus Songs: Are You That Somebody by Aaliyah. Haters by OMG Girlz. Crush by Mulatto. Check it Out by william. Fantasy by Mariah Carey. Goosebumps by Travis Scott.
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koko-loco-urlocalbbgirl · 5 months ago
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Comments/Q&A on Degrees of Lewdity version 0.5.2.8
Hi! I decided to take some screenshots of the questions that caught my attention and share them here, but since it breaks the picture limit I put the text only. I might add more were I check the comment section again but you can add screenshots in the replies if I don't <3
1) What emojis does Lis like to use?
2) If PC doesn't want to take a bath, what will Lis(+Wren and Bailey) do and what will they say?
Vrelnir
1) Robin just uses hearts and happy faces. Whitney uses a lot of whatever fashionably represents genitals.
2) Robin and Kylar would be okay with it. Alex and Whitney would make fun of them. Eden would carry them to the spring and drop them in. Avery Would get angry. Bailey wouldn't care. Wren would find it odd.
Thank you very much, I was already thinking that it wasn't going to come out yet. I doubt it's possible, but will you ever add a way to "kidnap" NPCs like they do to us? I know it probably goes against what you want to do so take it as a question.
Vrelnir
You're welcome. A way to kidnap NPCs isn't planned, but I'll consider it when I get around vigilantism.
1. Would Eden use the cage punishment on the pc in front of their children?
2. How would the High love Lis handle their child with the PC inheriting PC's attractiveness. Let's say their child is being pursued by someone just like them? IE. Eden's kid being pursued by someone who wants to lock them away and is very violent both sexually and physically, Robin's kid being with someone who is extremely codependent to their kid's detriment, Whitney's kid being pursued by a bully who treats them like a sexual object to be passed around, Avery's kid being pursued by Someone much older than them who is very abusive, and Kylar's kid having a creepy obsessive stalker who can be very dangerous.
2a. What about Alex, Corrupted Sydney, Black Wolf, and Great Hawk?
2b. Would this cause the Lis to reflect on how they treated the PC?
3. Though there is no death in DOL what would (High Love) Eden, Avery, Whitney, or Kylar do if they caused the PC to die from physical trauma?
3a How would Bailey react?
4. Are there plans to make Alex darker to be more in line with the other Lis?
Vrelnir
1. Aye.
2. Eden wouldn't connect the dots, and would see the aggressor as very different from themselves. Whitney wouldn't either, but would be more receptive were it pointed out, and would feel terrible. Robin would get on well with them. Avery would intervene. Kylar would commit a crime.
2a. Alex would see themselves in them, and feel embarrassed. Corrupted Sydney is likely to encounter this very issue, and might be okay with it, though cautious. The black wolf would want to fight them. The great hawk would think them a good match.
2b. Aye, except Eden.
3. Eden would retreat deeper into the forest, where not even Bailey could find them. Avery would Continue as normal, for a time at least. Whitney wouldn't recover. Kylar would burn half the town, then vanish.
3a. With anger.
4. No hard plans, though that was the original intention.
I don't know if this has been noted before but, I think it was in one of the confessionary events, someone mentions the Christian faith. So far | thought the world of DoL had its own faith going on, so | found it weird to see a mention of that. Is it a mistake in the writing or?
Vrelnir
I think Winter mentions Christianity in connection with one of the antiques, but I don't recall explicit mention outside that. l'd need to take a look. Christianity does exist in the world of DoL.
1. What's Niki's favorite dish?
2. Does Niki has a favorite animal or pet? And if they do - how would they react to a PC with that animal's transformation?
3. When Niki mentions being glad about PCs safety during the photoshoot event post-underground farm it got me curious; were they thinking about PCs safety during that time before they found out PC managed to leave?
4. Are there any other future plans for Niki? Nothing too big or revealing but maybe tiny hints?
5. Any fun fact - or maybe not so fun fact about our photographer?
6. Does Niki get along with anyone at all from town? Not work wise but as friends?
7. Not a Niki related question! (Surprisingly) Did you eat well today? I hope so!
* Lilian Dimveil
I'm sorry, not Vrelnir, but I could answer 4! and 5? >W<
4. Vrelnir said, there's lewdity planned for Niki.
5. I don't know if you've seen it.but | remember Vrelnir saying that Niki isn't particularly romantic - is that a funny thing?
Vrelnir
It's no problem! I hope you enjoy the new scenes. You're not being a bother!
1. Chicken Tikka Masala.
2. They don't have a pet, but they like swans.
3. Aye, occasionaly.
4. Aye. There's more to come for their photo studio. There's also lewdity planned like Lilian Dimveil says.
5. They're not native to the town. Thanks for the response Lilian Dimveil.
6. Not in particular.
7. I ate well yesterday thank you! I had a pasty and Some veg for tea.
1. Who from the Lls would cry on their wedding with the PC? 1.2 The other Lls who won't cry, how would they feel?
2. I always imagine Whitney with my PC when | listen "Umbrella" from Rihanna, so if the PC declares that song to them, what would Whitney think/feel? (that one song that is like "Ella, ella, eh, eh, eh, under my umbrella, ella, ella, eh, eh, eh' such an amazing love song!)
3. If a PC who has a long beautiful hair and loves it, gets attacked by some delinquents from school (not Whitney's friends) and cut the PC's hair into a neck length, and Whitney comes just in the moment when this happens, besides from attacking them back, what would they do/say at the crying and depressed PC? (anime cliché, sorry)
3.1 Just for some revenge, how would Whitney attack those delinquents? Imao
4. At the raining day at the park, when Whitney meets the PC again after the PC went missing, why did they leave after the hug? I tought they would like to spend more time since they missed them
5. When the PC is missing on town, how are Whitney's days? 6. When Whitney finds out the PC is missing, how did they take it?
7. How many times did Whitney cried on those days?
8. Did they became more violent at that time or just silent and don't giving a fuck about anything?
9. After meeting the PC again at the hug moment on the park, when Whitney is leaving what would they do if the PC takes their arm and ask to stay with them a little longer?
10. Realistically, what would Whitney change on their way to treat the PC after they came back?
Vrelnir
1. Robin and Kylar.
1.2. Like they could cry.
2. Whitney would call the PC a slut, but they wouldn't be unhappy.
3. They'd say the PC looks just as slutty with short hair, as an attempt to reassure them.
3.1. It's hard to say. It would depend on their whim.
4. They don't like how emotionally vulnerable they feel.
5. Anxious.
6. Badly.
7. Never.
8. The become more surly, and quick to commit violence.
9. They'd shake the PC off.
10. They might not change anything.
1. You've said before that the orphans are both at awe and disbelief at PC taking Robin's debt, but what do they think about PC after completing the Loft, adding the pond and greenhouse in the back, and buying everyone Christmas presents on top of shouldering Robin's debt? Do the other orphans ever get jealous that we don't shoulder their debt too? 2. Out of all the Ll's, who texts PC the most to just chat? Is there a scale of who texts the most to the least?
Vrelnir
No problem!
1. Not jealous, though this might be explored in the future
2. Whitney would text the most, and Eden would barely text at all.
1. If Wren, Remy and Zephyr are in the same car, who will be the driver and what will Zephyr do in the car?
2. What's the impression of "villains" on Harper, a young and terrible person?
3. We know Zephyr likes Wren quite a lot. What's his opinion of Wren? Does he love Wren as a younger brother?
4. Are Charlie and Jordan classmates? I remember you said that Jordan once learned to dance from Charlie. What was Charlie's first impression of Jordan?
5. Is Niki in her twenties, too? Are he and Wren classmates, too?
6. Is there any personality difference between Jordan in high school and Jordan now?
7. If the PC went to the cabin to play cards with Wren, and Wren happened not to be there, what would other colleagues say to the PC? What will colleagues say to Wren when he comes back?
8. Will Harper fall into a coma because of the pressure of work? Or does he have a good plan for his working hours?
9. To what extent did the temple people overprotect Jordan?
Vrelnir
1. Zephyr would insist on driving, though they don't have a license.
2. The ones who know who they really are feel somewhat frightened.
3. They like Wren, but don't view them as a sibling.
4. Aye. Charlie liked Jordan, but was too shy to approach them for a while.
5. Aye, and aye.
6. Their personality has become more extreme.
7. If they were familiar with the PC, they'd let them know where Wren was. Otherwise, they might assault the PC.
8. Their plan is to take more stimulants.
9. Considerably.
1. Can you add a tiara/headpiece to go with the belly dancer and ball gowns?
2. Could you add a Little Red Riding Hood costume outfit with a handheld basket?
3. Maybe when you get to a certain level in the housekeeping skill, you could repair/make your own clothing?
Thank you for reading this, and I hope you consider incorporating these suggestions in the future!
Vrelnir
I'm glad you like it!
1. A tiara/headpiece for the belly dancer and ball gowns would be very appropriate.
2. This sounds cute.
3. This would fit.
If it's a coincidence that Pc looks very like Kylar's parents, does Kylar have some sort of paternal or maternal predisposition that makes Kylar close to PC?
Vrelnir
Nope.
1) Can you name a single redeeming quality for each villain (+Avery)?
2) Is Avery capable of genuine, romantic love towards the PC or would they still see them as an object even at max affection?
3) If in a scenario where the PC has escaped Eden and he's desperate to get them back, and asks Bailey where they are, but they've already sent the PC to a place like the UF/UB as punishment, would he be honest about it or lie? 4) Why does Kylar want kids so badly?
4a) Did they already want kids before meeting the PC?
5) Is Kylar deranged enough to take the PC being raped as them being cheated on at high/max jealousy?
*Lilian Dimveil
Hey, sorry it's not Vrelnir. but I think I can answer a little bit. Avery is actually one of the villains! Although they are LI, they are also villain.
2) In those past Q&A's of Vrelnir (some of which were Q&A's that he and other players privately messaged in Subscribestar) - it's very unlikely that Avery would be able to generate the kind of genuine, romantic love that you're talking about. Or, if they do have love for the PCs, it's almost impossible to detect.
Vrelnir
No problem! I'm keeping well thank you. I hope you are too.
1) They're all industrious! Briar has a good sense of style. Harper is smart. Remy has good taste. Eden is self-sufficient. Bailey is consistent.
2) Thanks for the response Lilian Dimveil.
3) They'd be honest, but maybe not blunt.
4) They want to be less lonely.
4a) Aye, but not with such intensity.
5) Aye.
Seducing Bailey felt so "taboo" that it was very hot. I don't like the removal of that mechanic... hope it's going to be re-introduced with even more depth in the future.
Vrelnir
I'm glad you liked the scene, and I hope you'll like what Bailey has in store for the future.
Hi! I have some questions:
1. In a scenario where PC was middle aged and their and Eden's kid was 18 like canon PC...If Eden's kid had a sexual/romantic relationship with Kylar, Whitney, Great Hawk, Gwylan, Mason or Doren, how would they react? In a scale from "tolerating" to "| hate you so much" where would the npc be according to Eden's View sexual/romantic companion for their kid?
2. Could you list who is the horniest and less horny out with the current love interests?
3. Were PC to go one day to town to never return until almost two decades later, what would Eden (at High Love) do? Would he keep looking for them or lose all hope and think they're dead? Would he try to get a new companion? How Would it be their reaction when PC returned to them, discovering it wasn't intentional their disappearance? (Either by being kidnapped or loss of memory that prevent them to remember where they lived and who was their beloved)
3.B. Similar to the previous ask, what would it be Eden's reaction to losing their kid, only to find them years later and discover they were living as an orphan at the orphanage? (In the hypothetical scenario where Bailey was unaware that baby was Eden's and the kid had 0 memories of their family) Would they blame or get mad at Bailey? Would they try to make their kid live with them in the cabin or would they accept if their kid preferred to keep living there?
4. Charles/Charlene will be a character capable of being found by PC in the future or are they dead/disappeared forever? Will we know more about presumed spouse/person Morgan's whos Charles/Charlene other parent?
5. Do you think Robin and Kylar could have common interests (such as animes or games they both like)? In case they do could you provide the genre they're both interested in?
6. Whitney is an only child? Do they live with both parents or do they have only one?
7. Was Avery born in a rich family or did he became a rich man?
8. How old do you imagine Morgan and Avery? In their 30s or above?
*Lilian Dimveil
Hi! I'm sorry, not Vrelnir, but I think | could help answer a few questions.
4. It may be explored in the future. And Morgan's content is being tweaked.
7. Rich family. Their family is old money.
8. 40s.
Vrelnir
1. Eden wouldn't allow their child to go to town.
2. It's hard to say! Eden might be the horniest, and Robin the least.
3. Eden would keep looking for them, and wouldn't find another companion. If the PC returned in the future, they wouldn't let the PC escape again. Especially if they'd been abducted.
3B. They wouldn't be angry with Bailey, but they would insist their child move to the forest.
4. It might be explored in the future, like Lilian Dimveil says.
5. They both enjoy games, though usually different ones. There might be some overlap at the edges of their interests.
6. It might be explored in the future.
7. 8. Thanks for the response Lilian Dimveil.
No problem. You're not bothering me. I hope you have a nice day as well!
+ I can't find the screenshot I made with the questions but here's Vrelnir answers (pretty self-explanatory what the questions are):
1. Bailey isn't planned to become a love interest, but they should have their stats in the cheat menu, ideally.
2. There's a plantperson love interest planned for the future, like Lilian Dimveil says.
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txttletale · 1 year ago
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its so incredible how being a trans woman gives people full license to just boldfacedly and confidently lie about you. like look at this:
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apparently i was "literally mutuals" with someone who i never followed and who never (as far as i know) followed me, despite the fact that i reblogged his post from someone else who in turn reblogged it from someone else who in turn reblogged it with someone else. 3+ layers of online interaction away from his blog magically turns into "LITERALLY mutuals" as soon as someone is in the mood to call a tranny a pedophile.
also, dipshit, if he was an 'open' pedophile then why did he have a whole private website to talk about being a pedophile? could it be that he was not in fact 'open' and that you in fact only know about it because people put together a lengthy google doc of screenshots from his private website to out him as a child abuser? (months after i reblogged that post btw). guess i should have used my epic oracle vision to simply see into the future on this one, my bad
the post already had hundreds of notes at least when i saw it, by the way -- that's how it got onto my dash via reblog chain of 3+ users! so it's pretty rich to accuse me of 'boosting' it, and even richer to say 'posts' as though there was more than one!
through an incredible rhetorical technique known as 'lying', miss situation has transformed me reblogging a post on my dash by an OP i didn't know and knew nothing about into me being "literal mutuals" and "boosting [his] posts". this is what transmisogyny looks like lol it is happening in real time, trans women don't matter so you can make up whatever shit you like about them that best suits your narrative.
& you know if 'seeing the posts' is so utterly damning for me, miss situation, you'd think you wouldn't have to make a bunch of shit up! if you're soooo obviously right that any request for nuance is clearly in bad faith, you'd think you would't have to lie about it! but i guess maybe then it would be too obvious that your first reaction to some guy being a pedophile is to look for random trans women to unperson, huh.
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targaryenrealnessdarling · 1 year ago
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Nūmioītsos
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19/12: Future & Face Sitting - Aemond Targaryen Word Count: 1.5k~ | Warnings: mentions of pregnancy, oral (f receiving), prince regent aemond A/N: This is in the Pearl of The Realm Universe!
12 Days of Smuff Masterlist
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It's something he'd dreamt of, but never really envisioned. Perhaps he'd never allowed himself to. With Aegon severely wounded by dragonfire, the conqueror's crown would no longer sit atop his head with ease, so now it sat on his.
It was lighter than he imagined it would be. Like it was the most natural thing in the world.
He was not King. But it was the closest he'd ever be to it.
The aura was strange at the Dragonpit, very much akin to Aegon's in that sense. 
He remembered standing beside Helena as she'd pressed her lips together and curtseyed before her brother-husband, who had become her king and made her his queen. Remembered how she had that distant, forlorn look in her pale violet eyes. Like she knew hardships were coming.
And as Aemond turned to his little pearl to see what expression she wore, he felt his heart ache for her like he had done for his sister.
She was visibly nervous. Clasping her hands at her front, and squeezing for dear life. Her eyes were trained on the space before her, away from anyone else's. He could not blame her. She married a second son. Who would inherit nothing but a name.
She never expected this responsibility, and in a way, above the power that the crown gave him, he felt awful that he could not give his wife, who deserved the world, the peaceful, calm life she always expected.
Not a word was spoken between them, until they reached their chambers, and the doors shut with a heavy thud, like he wanted to shut out that feeling.
“I am sorry…” she whispered suddenly, standing in the middle of the room.
He was transported in his memory back to their wedding night, when she'd apologised, for maybe not being as pretty as he wanted her to be.
She had come a long way, but she still always apologised too much.
He saw her throat bob before she continued, “I could not find the right moment to tell you…”
“What is it, my love”, he replied softly, moving a waved strand of hair from her face with all the sincerity of a husband so irrevocably in love.
Her eyes lifted to meet his gaze, leaning slightly into his hand before she took his one hand in her two small ones, leading it flat to her stomach.
And then he understands.
Her nerves. Her silence.
She was terrified.
And with child.
His face softened instantly despite the incessant weight of the conqueror’s crown on his temples, his violet eye searched her nervous face, as if trying to see what she was thinking.
“I am frightened, Aemond…” she uttered quietly, her cheeks pink and lips pressed together, trying outwardly to stop herself from falling apart and becoming hysterical.
His hand almost entirely covered her belly and he sighed as he rubbed it lovingly, his child inside her made him feel all hazy on love.
“Afraid of what, wife?”
She swallowed thickly before she raised her head, “Afraid of…what this all means for us now,” she replied, her eyebrows arched in worry, “for our child.”
He understood entirely what she meant. And he saw her eyes close contently as his palm rested against her cheek, brushing her hair away, “Oh, my little pearl. I will not let anything happen to you, or our babe.”
When their gazes met, she knew she had nothing but her belief in him. She had to believe him. Though her eyes were moist, with tears rimmed in them with fear of their future, she gave him a gentle smile, choosing to put her faith in her husband entirely.
“I will not have you go to sleep crying”, he whispered, softly running the backs of his fingers over her cheek, seeing her nod weakly.
“Unless you are crying my name”.
She gave a watery laugh, a pleasant smile stretching on her delicate features. And when she met eyes with him again, the smile faded into a blush, finding that her husband was in no mood for shallow promises as his hand drifted from her stomach to that sensitive spot between her legs, even above her thick skirts, she felt herself become warm.
“I-I thought…lords did not lay with their wives if they were…”
Aemond smirked, quite forgetting the crown placed atop his head when he leaned down to lay open-mouthed kisses to her neck, making her shiver.
“It is fortunate that I am no lord then, little pearl”.
His words made a warmth sink between her thighs, clutching onto his doublet tightly like he might disappear in a moment.
She sighed, eyes slipping shut as Aemond kissed and marked at her neck, not noticing that Aemond’s deft hands were undoing the laces of her dress and prying each section apart. It was only when his warm hands chased the curves of her hips and back that she lifted her eyes to him again. 
“Aemond-”
“Hush - do you not wish to please your King?”
The words make her mouth go dry, a chill settling on the little baby hairs on her arms as he tugs the heavy dress off her, like he was desperate to see what was underneath. As if he had not seen her bare since the day they were wed.
He tugged her close to him as he sat on their bed, his face level with her breasts which he mouthed over lovingly, taking one of her nipples between his lips and suckling gently, both his hands tight on her hips.
“Aemond…”
He still loved that, the way she said his name so breathily and needy like that. 
He fought the urge to grin, teasing the stiffened bud with his warm tongue before trailing it to the other.
“Hm - Oh, little pearl, I can hardly wait to see you fat with child - and these so full…”
She gasped in pleasure, a warm feeling sinking to the apex of her thighs. 
And Aemond did grin widely when she squeaked with surprise as her husband laid back on the bed, pulling her on top of him, with her legs either side of his waist.
Being on top was not something she'd done before. And being entirely naked on top of her entirely clothed husband, makes her head spin dramatically.
“Aemond, I…I don't know-”
She shivered as his warm hands traced the outline of her body, “I have not seen that lost, blushing expression in so long, dear wife. Are you nervous?”
She nodded softly, her eyes looking away, wanting to cover herself but knowing that if she tried, it would only inspire him to tear her hands away from herself.
“My sweet, innocent wife…I only wish to taste you.”
Her eyes widen, “Aemond, I do not want to hurt y-”
“You will not hurt me. I want your cunt on my lips, now.”
She could feel her stomach flipping with nerves as Aemond guided her higher, her cheeks aflame with the idea that all this was arousing her in the most forbidden way.
“Relax..”
She could do about anything but relax as Aemond tugged her hips down, a high pitched moan slipping out when she felt his warm tongue part her slick folders and dive in, his moan vibrating through her core as he moved his lips with passion.
He hummed into her womanhood, his fingers sinking into her flesh to keep her flush down to his mouth as he feasted on her. He is sure he could spend forever between her plush thighs, almost forgetting the weight of the crown slipping from his moonlit head as he tasted his queen.
The crown almost slipped all the way off as he hand grasped his hair, her hips moving atop his tongue in micro-movements, “Gods - Aemond-”
With his one eye looking up at her body, he squeezed her thighs tighter, increasing his movements and shifting his tongue up to suckle at her bud, enjoying the way she moaned breathily and tipped her head back.
He happily sucked every bit of release that came from her as he felt her trembling atop him, her fingers tightening in his hair almost painfully as she rode out her high by fucking herself against his needy mouth, prolonging her sweet rapture by sliding his wet muscle through her quivering walls.
She jolted when he placed open-mouthed kisses to her sensitive cunt, his hands soothing where he'd been gripping at her.
Equally, she whined when he pulled his lips from her, looking down at him with flushed cheeks and dreamy, misty eyes. Her husband grinned up at her, as if in victory, the conqueror's crown laid upside down on the bed above his head from the effort of his lust.
She briefly worried she'd upset him by nudging the crown from his head.
And her heart thudded with excitement, as did his, when she leaned down, to place it back atop his head.
Aemond was sure, he had never been more hard in his life at that moment.
And he smirked with mischief as he leaned up, making her sit astride him, still trembling from her release, and unlaced his breeches. 
It may take all night, but gods, he'd make her feel like a queen by the end of it.
Like his queen.
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General Taglist: @aemondsfavouritebastard @bellstwd @blairfox04 @buckybarnesb-tch @castellomargot @hb8301 @jamespotterismydaddy @mochi-rose @natty2017 @nenelysian @randomdragonfires @risefallrise @thelittleswanao3 @theoneeyedprince @thetrueblackheart @tsujifreya @urmomsgirlfriend1 @valeskafics @virtualsweetsqueen @watercolorskyy @fan-goddess
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juletheghoul · 26 days ago
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Hey there! Not sure if you're still taking submissions to expand your creativity, but I'd love to see what you come up with for everyone's favorite murder daddy, Dave. You have some great Dave stories, just curious if you still vibe with him. I love the look on his face when he gets caught in a lie, how he just lets the act drop.
Ouuu I DEFINITELY still vibe with Dave, I’ve been kicking around this idea of Dave and the surrogate him and Carol hire. Thank you for this ask!
Please enjoy the (possibly first part if I am inspired enough to continue🫣)
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Dave (Murder Daddy) York x F!Reader 
Pairing: David York x F!Reader
Word Count: 3.6k
Warnings: **TRIGGER WARNING** NSFW 18+ INFIDELITY! (reader is a surrogate, David is married) language, Smut, PIV sex (wrap it up), dirty talk, Dave has a pregnancy kink 👀- let me know if I missed any!
(please note this is not beta'd and barely proofread)
Masterlist
-
He’s not exactly sure how to feel about the situation. Carol, his wife, is set on it though, and everything just feels easier to accept than to fight. There’s no real reason to deny her request, not unless you count the glaring fact that Dave York didn’t technically love his wife. 
He respected her, he appreciated what she brought to his life, he valued her as the perfect cover, but he never loved her. Not really. He’d made the commitment though, he’d said the words, he’d done all of the things that were expected of him as a man and husband and he’d committed. He’d even stayed faithful, he was in it for the long haul despite his lukewarm sentiments for her in the emotional department. 
When she broached the subject of children, part of him–the part that hated being tied to someone he felt nothing romantic for–rebelled. It set off warning bells and alarms about the finality of the whole thing. If they went through with this it would signify the complete intertwining of their lives. Even if in the future, for whatever reason they separated, a child would be the bonding element. The zip tie around his ankles. 
These fears, and a million more flooded his brain within seconds of her bringing up the subject, spiking his blood pressure and widening his eyes before he reigned it all in. He’d gotten his shit together though, and shifted the deer in headlights expression to a benign smile. He’d agreed with her, ignoring the cold sweat trickling down his spine. She’d gone to bed happy that night, excited to embark on the journey while he stayed up, terrified and apprehensive in the dark cavern of their room. 
He’d expected their sex-life to have a dramatic increase, he’d expected her to keep track of her cycle, to schedule their trysts according to her fertile periods and ovulation windows but she’d shocked him by suggesting a surrogate a few days after the initial talk. He’d always known her career was a priority for her, it was one of the main reasons he’d committed to her in the first place. The one characteristic they shared for real, their devotion and commitment to their respective jobs but he’d been a little taken aback at her not wanting to carry the child herself. 
“It’ll be so much easier for me, I won’t have to give birth, I won’t have to quit my job and with childcare I’ll barely be away from the office at all.” She’d said it with a toothy smile, so proud of herself for having thought of it, it had rubbed him the wrong way. Not for any of the archaic, sexist reasons you’d imagine, but he expected them both to take time off once the baby was born. He was all for her hiring someone to help should she want it but with the way she spoke, it sort of seemed like she expected their lives to continue without interruption after the baby was born. 
Despite his reluctance, despite his concerns and his general disagreement with her in how their lives would change with children, he said nothing. 
“Whatever you think is best, honey.” He’d smiled his agreeable smile and she’d accepted it happily. 
-
You almost didn’t answer the phone call, the name of the agency flashing meant another potential pregnancy and while the money was great, the emotional toll was a little more than you’d expected. You answered anyway, cursing yourself but smiling through the conversation all the same. 
With nails chewed down to the bone, and the raw edge of your t-shirt pulled until light blue strings hung like tinsel at your hip, you agreed to meet with the new couple and see how it went. 
-
The Yorks meet up with you at the coffee-shop down the street from your house. 
Carol is a lovely woman, a little manic maybe but there hasn’t been one potential mother you’ve met up with that hasn’t been. There is grace in you by the mile for her. 
Her husband, David, is another story, and it isn’t a new one–different flavour maybe. The men usually puttered around, awkward and detached while their wives took the lead. It wasn’t always a malicious, uninterested thing, you just found that sometimes it took them a little longer to connect to the idea. Once that baby was born though, they were usually just as emotional, just as invested in the whole thing. 
David isn’t so much detached, as clinical. His questions are concise, practical and intelligent. He supports his wife, even if he seems a little cold. His looks are…something to be impartial to on your part. Tall, broad, clean-cut and handsome–completely your type. Completely gorgeous in that, ‘you could be sort of dangerous’, ‘tell me what to do’ sort of way. 
You do your best to ignore the initial attraction, ignore the heavy way his eyes seem to bore into you and focus on the objective. This couple wants a baby, and you’re open for business. 
The agency called a few days after the initial meeting, congratulating you on being chosen, and a whole host of appointments lined up for check-ups, blood work and for insemination. There’s a request from the wife, Carol, though, for a private phone call before everything is to begin and you accept. 
When she calls you a few days after that, you’re taken aback by what she wants to discuss. 
“Okay, so I know this is a lot to spring on you but I was wondering if you’d be open to donating your own eggs, I know it’s usually just the surrogacy–my fertilized egg implanted and done, but I wanted to know if you’d be up for it. I would pay of course, the agency has given us the fee for the surrogacy and then I would add the fee for egg donation. You don’t have to agree right this second, and if you find you aren’t comfortable with that then I understand. Let me know once you’ve thought it through.” You can hear the smile in her voice, when she hangs up, you’re shocked. The idea of the extra money is appealing, that can't be denied but something about it gives you pause. 
You sit with it for a few days, weighing the pros and cons. The money is the biggest pro. It would be enough to finally buy the little house you’ve been dreaming of, enough for a down payment and to have a few months worth of mortgage payments. On the other hand though, there would be a child out there that is partly yours, a little girl or boy with your hands or eyes or your quirks living with another family. It’s all a little dramatic, but you always thought your children would be yours, with the love of your life. 
Your future ends up winning, and after a brief call to confirm that yes, you would be willing to donate your egg for the surrogacy, the process begins. 
-
The regiment of vitamins is insane, the shots and the fertility clinic visits are just as overwhelming as they’ve always been, despite there being no monetary aspect to worry about. You go through with it though, sometimes Carol is there with you, but mostly you go it alone. When the time comes to harvest the eggs, they end up with five. David makes his own contribution and all are fertilized. 
Carol smiles as the doctor explains the process, that there are two boys and three girls and something inside you wilts a little. She is happy, and the whole thing snowballs, what keeps you going is the thought that by this time next year you’ll be happy and living in your own home. 
They implant the first embryo, the sex of which is left to the doctor's discretion. Carol doesn’t want to know until it’s born and part of you thinks that might be for the best. It would help keep the emotional aspect of the whole thing separate. Might help to keep you objective through this whole ordeal, remember that it’s just like the other times.
This is Carol and David’s baby, not yours. 
-
The morning sickness hits a couple of weeks after the procedure and you know it took. You can feel it in your bones. You wait though, do things the right way and test at home, call for a follow up at the clinic to test thoroughly there and when the time comes they tell you what you already know. 
Carol and David send a massive gift basket to your apartment, so big you can barely lug it over to the sofa. It’s full of prenatal vitamins, treats to satisfy every craving. There’s a giftcard to a maternity store, one for a fancy local cafe, and then another one for the expensive grocery store. There’s a pregnancy pillow and soft pajamas, it’s very thoughtful and you genuinely appreciate the thought. 
Communication between you and the couple–well, Carol–is pretty consistent, David joins in on the random facetime call but you’ve accepted that he’s one of those men that only connects with the child once it's born. You push away that constant little thorn in your brain, the one that reminds you that he’s the father, and that the egg is yours.
-
Their house is a lot nicer than you’d imagined, it had to be for the amount they’re paying. 
Carol holds your arm as you walk through, even though there’s really no need. Although at twenty weeks and showing quite a bit, the baby isn’t a hindrance yet. Not in terms of getting around anyway. Hormonally however, that’s an altogether different story.
She prattles on while you eat, chattering happily about studies she’s read and the food and its beneficial properties. She speaks about nutrition and the size of the baby while you smile around your bites. 
David stares.
He barely speaks at all, a complete contrast to his wife and instead studies you as you sit there, in his house. It's a bit unnerving, intimidating and the heaviness of his gaze makes your hands tremble. There's something in his eyes that sets off those hormones you’d been battling, the ones that begged for a partner, for a man to rip your clothes off and give you the business.
Your mind gives your libido a serious talking to, all but dragging your imagination by the ear while smiling at them both. 
When the meal is over, David blessedly excuses himself, clearing the table while Carol ushers you to the sitting room sparing you from your unsavoury thoughts about a married man, about the father of the child you were carrying for them. About her husband.
“Okay tell me what you’re feeling, has the sickness gone away now?” It’s the first question she’s asked all night.
“Yes, thankfully the nausea has relaxed, I’m not throwing up as much. I’m feeling pretty good actually, despite being alone.” You smile, huffing a frustrated laugh. She tilts her head in confusion.
“Despite? Is there something you need help with? I could hire a nurse to come check in on you—“
“No no, it’s nothing like that. It’s more to do with the hormones.” You wave it away, dismissing her worries.
“Is it more supplemental? Should I get more prenatal vitamins for you?” You sigh, maybe you aren’t being clear enough.
“No, nothing like that, I have everything I need, believe me. It’s just, being single, and hormonal sucks. This is probably too much information but I’m just incredibly horny.” You laugh, half embarrassed and half amused by the expression on her face, it’s replaced with an empathetic smile.
“Oh! Oh gosh I’m sorry, yeah I can imagine that must be frustrating.” 
“It is, incredibly so. I am five months pregnant and all I want is to be fucked into my mattress you know? I’m sorry that sounds horrible—“ you cover your mouth but she waves away your concerns.
“Not at all, in the books I’ve read it’s completely normal. I’m sorry you’re going through it alone.” She pats your hand, kind above everything else.
David walks in then, broad shoulders filling out his white shirt so nicely.  There’s a tightness in his frame that gives you pause, an intensity that wasn’t there at dinner and it only highlights the loneliness, highlights the absence of a man like him in your life. There is no David waiting for you at home. 
“Would you ladies care for a coffee? Or maybe a tea for you? I’m not sure if coffee is okay���”
“I would love a coffee.” You smile, in your previous pregnancy coffee had been a no-go but luckily, this time it was something you still enjoyed. 
“How do you want it?” The question is simple, and appropriate in context, but your body can’t tell the difference, and the desire to say ‘hard’ is on the tip of your tongue. You blame the baby, and the tornado of hormones flooding your system, as well as your panties. 
“Um. Just–uh–” You flounder for a moment, mouth watering at the thought of him asking you the same question in bed, “Um.” 
“Just bring the tray with the cream and sugar, honey.” Carol smiles, oblivious to the torment. 
“Can I use the restroom?” You rise quickly, body warming, nipples hardening at the barrage of images flicking through your mind. 
“Sure, it’s just through here.” He points you in the right direction and once you close that door behind you, you let out the sigh trapped in your throat. You wipe away the arousal, annoyed with the sticky damp seat of your underwear, and splash some cold water on your face before rejoining them. The rest of the evening goes by smoothly, and once you’re home again you vow to put it out of your mind. 
-
Another basket arrives at your door a week later.
With a smile, you open the card, curious as to what Carol has sent this time since it’s wrapped up in brown paper. 
Just between you and I, 
Wish I could help. 
Enjoy, xoxo
David
His writing is neat, block letters so different from Carol's loopy script and for a moment you’re lost as to what he means. The paper rips under your fingers and what you find shocks you into frozen silence. It’s a collection of sex toys, different sizes, things that vibrate and thrust and alongside them are bottles and vials of arousal serums and lubricants. A whole menu selection of self-exploration. Your cunt clenched at the thought of using them, at the thought of him thinking about you using them. 
Your conscience chimes in, knocking down the door your libido had barricaded yourself behind and picked up your phone. WIth a shaky hand, you look through your emails and finally find his number.
“David York speaking.” He answers and his voice sends a thrill through your body, you push it away, focus on the anger that should be there.
“David, It’s-”
“I know who it is,” he sounds amused, and it only fuels the fire inside, whether it's in anger or arousal you cannot be sure, “I’m assuming you received my gift.” 
“Yes. I–I think you should come by and pick it up.” The wobble in your voice betrays you but you push through, “I am guessing by your note that Carol has no idea you’ve done this.”
“No. She doesn’t.” there is no wobble in his voice, and that only annoys you. 
“Then why?” 
“Because I heard what you said about how you’ve been feeling, the hormones, how horny you are and since I cannot fuck you myself, despite how badly I’d like to, I want you to be satisfied.” Your cunt clenches at the thought, at the knowledge that despite the way your body is changing, he still finds you attractive. Your hormones rage, they cloud the sense that screams that this is wrong, that he should not be saying these things to you. 
“It’s, um. David, this is so–inappropriate. I need you to come pick these things up, Carol wouldn’t be happy to know you’re speaking to me this way.” You take a deep breath, gathering your good sense. He’s silent on the other end, the sounds of people milling about in the background coming through and then he hums softly. 
“Understood, I’ll stop by after work.” 
“Thank you.” You hang up, and bask in the rightness of putting him in his place, even though your body screams and rebels at the loss of everything.
When your doorbell rings just before four-thirty, your heart races. He’s smiling when you open the door, the basket waiting on your table. He says nothing when you step aside for him to come in but the mistake becomes obvious when he fills your space. His eyes bore into yours and the smell of him, the crisp lines of his suit, the breadth of him clouds your brain. 
“There’s really none of this you’d like to keep?” He opens the package, pulling a little bullet out of the package, testing it against his palm before turning to you. Your heart races, your nipples harden, your cunt leaks. 
“Um. No–no I shouldn’t–”
“Shouldn’t?” He smiles, “Sort of sounds like you want to.”
“What I want makes no difference, you’re married, and I’m carrying a baby for your wife.”
“My baby. You’re carrying my baby.” He takes a step forward, “and you’re suffering, and to be honest, hearing what you said made me harder than I’ve ever been in my life.” He towers over you, stepping close enough that you have to tilt your head to keep eye contact. 
“It did?” Your conscience screams, begs you to see reason and to back away, to shove the basket at him and shut the door in his face. 
“Oh yes.” His fingertips brush against your shoulder, sliding up to curve around the column of your neck, “You just need someone to give it to you, don’t you baby?” He tightens his hold and a moan slips out, something filthy and his smile is sharp. When he presses his mouth to yours the dam breaks and you clutch at him like your life depends on it. 
He groans when he pulls your clothes off, his mouth engulfing your nipple, the gentle scrape of his teeth turning your cunt to liquid on your couch. With shaking hands you loosen his tie, shoving his shirt off as he rips your leggings down. 
“Turn around, I want you on your knees.” He moves away, leaving your nipples puffy and shiny with this spit. You swallow thickly before getting on your knees on your couch, your heart races at the sounds of him taking his clothes off, all of you a raw nerve when he presses up behind you. 
When he slips inside, the world makes sense.
His cock is perfect, thick enough to make you gasp, that tiny edge of pain amping up the pleasure. Your face dips down, pressing against your forearm on your sofa but he pulls you up, your back hitting his chest, his hips snap roughly, pulling you apart with every thrust. 
“That’s it baby, just take it–” He talks into your ear, one hand holding onto your belly possessively, and the other slipping around and when he touches you your body tightens up. The bullet is on and he presses it against your clit, shoving you into an intense orgasm. 
“That’s so good huh? Fuck you’re squeezing me so fucking tight–” He doesn’t stop his rhythm, his cock kisses your cervix as he fucks you through your peak, the vibrator making your legs shake. Your hands reach back to hold onto his hair, clutching. 
Tears slip out, his hand moves from your belly up to your breast, he pants his exertion into your ear and the pleasure builds again, ramping up until you reach down to pull his hand away, it’s too intense. 
“David–” The voice that comes out of your mouth isn’t yours, it’s some wounded, desperate animal and he laughs, swirling the bullet quicker until you scream, clenching around him hard enough that he groans and spills his own passion deep inside. 
He kisses your shoulder as you float back into your body, thumb strumming at your oversensitive nipple while the other lets the bullet go and cradles the swell of your belly. 
You feel his come when he pulls out, part of you gets horny all over again, part of you feels incredibly ashamed but it's hard to focus on it, especially when he sits back on your couch and pulls you into his lap. Wordlessly you straddle him, pressing yourself close. 
“We shouldn’t have…” You speak mostly to yourself before giving into the urge to kiss him, his tongue licks into your mouth, his hands sweep from your shoulders to your back, down to the swell of your ass, kissing you like he’s done it a million times. 
“No, we shouldn’t have, but we did, and if you give me like twenty minutes we’ll do it again.” He skims his nose against your throat, and you hate that it excites you so much you feel both your arousal and his come drip out of you. 
He stays another hour, fucks you in your bed, and again in your shower before getting dressed and leaving you sore, and more satisfied than you’ve been in years.
The basket stays. 
-
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thatgentlewife-deactivated · 5 months ago
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Welcome to My Blog!
Hi there, lovely! I’m so glad you’re here. I’m a 20-year-old wife, homemaker, and most importantly, a servant of Jesus Christ. I was blessed to marry my wonderful husband in November 2024, and every day, I strive to honor God by embracing biblical womanhood, nurturing my marriage, and cultivating a home filled with love, warmth, and faith.
I believe in living a life that reflects God’s perfect design—one of gentleness, purity, and devotion. My heart is set on serving Christ first and foremost, and second to Him, my husband, whom I joyfully submit to as my leader and protector. I cherish the beauty of traditional values, which shape every part of my life—spiritually, emotionally, and physically.
What I Stand For
✨ The Sanctity of Life
This blog is pro-life, because every child is fearfully and wonderfully made by God (Psalm 139:13-16). Life begins at conception, and every baby has a God-given purpose. I believe in supporting women with love, resources, and guidance so that no mother feels alone in choosing life.
✨ The Dangers of Pornography
This blog is anti-porn, because pornography destroys hearts, marriages, and intimacy as God intended it. It turns real love into something selfish and empty, leading to addiction, shame, and broken relationships. I believe in fighting for purity and God-honoring relationships that reflect true, selfless love.
✨ Biblical Marriage & Submission
I believe in God’s design for marriage—a covenant between one man and one woman. As a wife, I embrace submission as a beautiful, biblical calling, trusting my husband’s leadership and honoring him in my words, actions, and heart. Love, respect, and obedience to God’s Word create a strong, joyful, and lasting marriage.
✨ Domestic Discipline
I believe that domestic discipline is a personal choice that should be made mutually and consensually between a husband and wife. While it’s not for everyone, I support a couple’s right to practice it if they believe it strengthens their marriage. When approached with love, respect, and biblical principles, it can provide structure, accountability, and deeper trust. As long as both spouses agree and it is done in a way that honors their relationship, I see it as a valid and beneficial dynamic for those who choose it.
✨ Biblical Womanhood & Femininity
I am passionate about biblical femininity, modesty, and creating a home that reflects Christ’s love. I believe true beauty isn’t just about how we look, but about having a gentle, quiet spirit (1 Peter 3:4). In a world that devalues womanhood, I strive to embrace my role as a wife and future mother with joy and grace.
✨ My Perspective on Feminism
I do not agree with today’s version of feminism, which rejects traditional femininity, submission, and the beauty of God’s design. However, I do believe women should have the right to vote and make choices for themselves. Women are not less valuable than men, but we are beautifully different, and our strengths should be celebrated rather than diminished by a culture that seeks to erase them.
✨ My Beliefs on Gender & Sexuality
I personally do not believe men can become women or that women can become men. I do not agree with the LGBTQ lifestyle, and you will not find me in support of it on this blog. However, I have nothing against those who choose to live this way—you are a valuable human being, just like the rest of us. My belief is simply that marriage was created by God to be between a biological man and a biological woman. If you disagree, this may not be the blog for you.
A Few Things About Me
• I love to cook! (I once dreamed of being a chef, but my heart is too tender for the food industry.)
• Children are my joy! I work in childcare and find so much fulfillment in nurturing little hearts.
• I love reading! (The Phantom Tollbooth is my favorite book!)
• I enjoy poetry, songwriting, and drawing. (I may not be the best artist, but I love creating beauty in every form!)
• I make soap, lotion, and tinctures as I learn more about natural living.
• I strive to be a good, submissive wife and grow in grace, patience, and humility every day.
Why I Started This Blog
Marriage is a journey, and I want to share mine with you—the joys, the lessons, and the ways God is shaping me into a better wife and homemaker. My goal is to encourage other women to embrace biblical womanhood, cherish their marriages, and build homes that reflect God’s love. ❤️
If you value faith, femininity, and the beauty of a God-centered life, you’re in the right place. I pray that this blog blesses and encourages you as we grow together in grace and truth.
With love,
thatgentlewife
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yaseraphine · 2 months ago
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2024, the year I lost my crown.
Pluto in aquarius / Sun / Ego / Leo stellium / Ego death / Karma
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I will say it loudly and proudly : In 2024, I entered my flop era (and it set me free)
This post will sum up the major lessons I learned this year through the prism of astrology.
INTRODUCTION - This post is a post I was looking forward to sharing for a while. 2024 seemed to have been a crazy year for a lot of people. Mine could be summed up by “emotional release” or the release of a karmic emotional cycle as well as connecting with my inner child. This year was charged with deep epiphanies about my childhood, which I realized I romanticized and erased key moments from my memory. Realizations came in waves always accompanied with the identification of intense deep seated insecurities and fears that stemmed from my childhood and the way I was nurtured. All of those intense and hidden emotions bubbling up to the surface together made this year really emotionnally charged with negative emotions. This eventually unwillingly forced me to neglect superficial aspects of life, such as appearance and charisma. I was slow, insecure, tired all the time, felt like sh*t all the time, lost drive. You could say that, basically, in chronically online terms, In 2024, I just entered my flop era.
This made me realize the extent of our society's obsession with glowing up, being the best version of ourselves at all times, pushing ourselves out of our comfort zone. Entering our so-called “bad bitch” era, focusing on self-care, being the best, having people admiring us, standing out, being that b, making people do a double take on us,etc... Most of our life is spent relentlessly  trying to be unique, appearing at the top of our game. We always aspire and desire to appear and seem , but we never just are. 
Capitalism has its ways of trapping us into a vicious cycle of superficial constant change and improvement. Like it creates new problems to solve for the mere goal of selling a new product to us, it creates a weird transactional and selfish sense of self, where we almost aspire to be alienated from the community and stand out. 
I decided to share this post as a reminder, in the sea of “how to glow up in 2025” videos and posts, that, sometimes, divine timing has its ways and it prevents us from shining the way we want to. Not every year is a year to glow up, you cannot be at the top of your game all the time. Like during the reign of a Queen or King, your empire will have an apogee, but also a decline. Your power and influence over your empire will always fluctuate, and you will only get probably one period of apogee, followed by a pretty intense empire decline. Despite going through all of this, something will always remain and that is faith. The faith you have in yourself, in the future, maybe even in God or a Higher Power. The faith that is deep inside yourself and that guides and helps you to push through even if you’re at your lowest.
This issue behind this obsession with “glowing up”, and all the external validation that comes with it and avoiding “flopping” at all costs, is what led me to go insane and completely give up this year.
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Start of college : a beautifully humbling experience
-> from the top grader to a “mid” grader, an average student
-> highly political place 
-> Politicians and rulers : ruled by Leo BUT political parties, independent parties, ideology : ruled by Aquarius
-> I started to not only take interest in my own endeavors but also the country’s / humanity’s condition
-> I attended riots and protests multiple times, even during exams seasons
-> I assisted to GM’s hosted by students there to protect students’ rights but also for Gaza (GMs = General Meetings)
-> I read books about feminism, learned about communism and just politics in general
-> Unlearned a lot of myths surrounding the working class, rape culture, cultural appropriation, ..
-> Made new friends quite different from the ones I had in High school > anarchists, feminists, really woke people.
Why did all those changes occur ? 
SR Chart of the year 2023-24 : North Node in the 11th  house > letting go of ego and individuality to embrace community
Lilith in the 9th house transit : with all this new knowledge, I literally felt like my brain was being rewired. All the old thought patterns and life limiting beliefs I have been clinging to all chattered, bits per bits. Of course, I started that shadow work way before I got that Transit HOWEVER this transit did boost the process of getting rid of those limiting beliefs.
Gemini rising > my 7th house sign, my shadow, was my rising that year. I have to say the year prior to this year prepared me REALLY well to deal with it since, that year, I became friends and hung out with a bunch of people with gemini stelliums (i genuinely don't know how I survived tbh)
North node return -> events that pushed me to get out of my comfort zone
Chiron in the 9th house transit : my natural ability and talent to think abstractly got tested by this transit. The more theory I learned, the foggier my mind got. I kind of felt like the more times passed, the dumber I got. Which, I know, sounds crazy. But my comfort zone of having philosophical thoughts, disconnecting from my direct environment, this sagittarian hyper-independence (and ego..) became uncomfortable to embody and I felt a sense of loss every time I was ought to have abstract ideas and see the bigger picture. My natural intellectual talents “decreased” and I had no choice but to ask for help and interact with other students to understand certain concepts (so becoming the student even though it’s not comfortable to me). Along with my North node return in the 3rd house (my natal placement), this pushed me to trust other people’s knowledge and experience and learn from them. To show up daily, interact with people from all walks of life and not think to myself before doing so that “there is no point anyway to talk to them it’s useless/ a waste of time / we’re too different” or whatever bullshit excuses my ego would create to prevent myself from socialising
"Let them eat cake"
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My obsessive desire to be perfect and to handle everything by myself got too far. I wanted to look my best every single day, but, by the second semester I just couldn't keep up. My timetable was heavier, my classes less interesting and even harder. But, what truly pushed me, or more so forced me to change, was my final exams results of the first semester. In high school, I did not have to study much to excel. To be a top grader, better than everyone else was easy for me, it was a routine. I was never surprised by my grades because I knew I topped as usual. However, going with this mentality/ belief for those exams was what slapped me right back to reality. My grades were bad. When I saw them, my heart shrinked, I was completely shocked. I did not expect much to be fair, but I thought it was going to be okay. Oh boy, it clearly WASN’T. And what made it worse was the people around me, who did not seem to take school as seriously, who consistently skipped classes, who cheated and lied for homework. These people, these people that I consistently judged as immoral, those people that I despised so much , THOSE, they got better grades than me. This made me go CRAZY. I cried for days on end, I couldn’t go to classes because of how badly I felt. This was the final straw for me : what is the point of being such a straight, invested person who came to classes even when I was sick, who always looked clean and hydrated. A perfect student with a perfect attitude. An independent student who helped her classmates. A perfect student who gets exploited by a system where cheaters and liars pass just as well, if not better, and get complimented as much. I realized how much pent up rage I had inside of me. I wasn’t just sad or disappointed, I was deeply disgusted. 
Leo stellium, Sun in Cancer conjunct Saturn, Pluto and Chiron in the first house and 9th house south node : unrealistic standards, lack mindset, low self-confidence, strong ego , scared of being bad at something, of being the worst, self-loathing, “there is no point in doing that anyway” , “i am not like them anyway there’s no need for me to go to this event” : 
As someone with a Leo stellium, I never realized how strict I was to myself. Only people around me could see it, but, because of how headstrong I am, I thought they just didn’t have enough standards. The thing is, I couldn’t see how perfect a lot of things in my life were because I was only fixated on what I lacked. I only focused on the defaults, the problems, the parts I wasn’t good enough in. And even the vocal and direct feedback of people wasn’t enough for me to believe I was just fine, maybe even great. And while I always focused on the parts I have failed in, I also had this unrealistic expectation that I needed to have a neutral, linear emotional life. In my head, it was like : I had a period/ period of emotional disturbances now I cannot have one again, or at least not as intense. It’s simply impossible. Now I used all my “jokers”, cards , I have no choice but to only go higher. This strange way of thinking was what made me only put positive/confident songs on my spotify playlists and avoid any songs that expressed “negative” emotions, outside of anger and rebellion. You could say it's a good thing in a way because I did my best to lift my head up. I knew how music affected my mood so I adapted my playlists accordingly. The thing is, whenever I was feeling anything other than confidence or anger, I did everything in my power to dismiss it. I obsessed over avoiding feeling low because in that state, no one will like me. People will see me in a vulnerable state and it’s too embarrassing. People have to admire me, compliment me, heck just like me at least. But if I’m not on top of my game, they will realize I am like them. I am part of the “plebs”. I have to be a queen, a princess, not a goddamn peasant! (really harsh wording, I know, but it felt like that looking back). I can’t. I just can’t. ... Unfortunately, trying to desesperately keep up with my reponsabilities as a Queen, not caring much for people as they were mere peasants who had nothing to do with me, is what led me right into my empire's decline.. Up in my fragile papermade castle, seating on my throne, I truly always felt so lonely...
The last straw  : getting rid of the lion’s mane
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I shaved my head. Crazy but I did. By myself. A monday afternoon, 3 days before halloween. Right in the middle of the sinister season of the Scorpio : I shaved my head. I shaved my long, luscious and golden curly hair. This mane that held all those limiting beliefs and toxic standards. My hair was my signature look, one of the first things people noticed about me. One of the first things people complimented me about. “Look at those beautiful curly hair ! I wish I had hair like you!” “They look so healthy omg!”. All this external validation was like a drug to me, therefore, I never DARED to even trim it. Yeah. Looking back, I was crazy for that.
Sr for the year 2024-25 + Pluto in Capricorn last turn around : my experience
SR Chart 2024-25 : Virgo rising with the chart ruler Mercury in Leo in the 12th house.
Pretty gloomy and bleak period. I was feeling quite depressed to be fully honest. I started the new school year with every symptoms of depression, exept the su*c*dal thoughts. I was slow, my body was heavier yet I lost weight. I moved slower, thought slower, slept more, was always tired, taking a shower, doing the dishes, eating and every other simple daily task was a burden, harder than usual. My solar leonine energy, my vitality all disappeared without me realizing it. I had low self confidence, didn’t get ready in the morning, and stopped feeling any sense of pleasure. I was empty, crying on the train to my campus. The last time I felt like this, it was in 2018, I was 13, depressed and entering the darkest phase of my Dark Night of the Soul.
Guess what, I am Not A Robot
You've been acting awful tough lately
Smoking a lot of cigarettes lately
But inside you're just a little baby, oh
It's okay to say you've got a weak spot
You don't always have to be on top
Better to be hated than loved, loved, loved
For what you're not
You're vulnerable, you're vulnerable
You are not a robot
You're lovable, so lovable
But you're just troubled
Guess what? I'm not a robot, a robot
Guess what? I'm not a robot, a robot
Once again, I had no other way but to ask for help. I went to see a doctor after years of avoiding it. I confessed a lot of things to my mom with whom I always had/have a really distant and tense relationship. Our conversations were really eye opening for the both of us. I went to see a therapist, and I am still looking for one. I didn’t have enough energy to attend class (I live 1h15/1H30 away from my campus.. so my 8 am classes were awful, especially since not attending is a risk to failing in that subject.. I was in a really problematic period.) But, I met a friend, an Aquarius sun and rising student who helped me throughout all of this. She was the contrary of me in many ways : really social, open and relied on other people. easily opened up to others. She didn’t have those perfectionistic obsessive thoughts. She trusted people, had a bunch of friends, and didn't overthink every single one of her interactions. She quickly became the air that tempered down my fire, which was burning myself out. My ego was killing me and my body (symptoms of depression) was warning me. I couldn’t control these feelings. I hadn't felt that depressed in a while. Like the type of depression that makes you stare at the wall in the morning, struggling to get out of bed.I thought it was behind me. I thought I was better than this. I thought “yes other people have depressions and struggle on a daily basis because of it and that’s okay but me ? I am over it. I had one at the beginning of my teenagehood. Now it can’t happen again, at least not actual depression.” But no, unfortunately for me, It did indeed happen. This showed me I was vulnerable, like every human being. I wasn’t immune to failing, to lose, to being bad, to being average, to needing help. I was simply a human being. I wasn’t a superior entity, a god flying above the rest of humanity.  I was just like them. Was I considered a bit weird for liking astrology, tarot and for listening to kpop ? Was I considered a bit weird for having Halloween as my favourite holiday ? Was I a bit edgy and had a certain sensitivity to anything grotesque, deadly, macabre, taboo ? Yes, I was all of that. But I am still a human being. I am just like other people in many ways, and even if I have more quirks than the average person It shouldn’t stop me from socialising. I need people and people need me, and, honestly, that is totally fine. Connecting with others is beautiful. People are here to help each other and share their experiences. That is the most beautiful part of existence : everyday frivolous conversations with people, interacting with them, exchanging ideas, sharing our daily frustrations and struggles, laughing. All of that is the simplicity I never expected I needed so badly. On the quest of finding this truth, I went faraway in the abstract realm of ideas only to realize that this truth was right in front of me since the beginning.
Life really wasn't as complicated as I made it to be.
A song that sums up this overall energy
Fear and Loathing - MARINA : "I'm done with tryin' to have it all and endin' up with not much at all"
Marina called Fear and Loathing a turning point in her life, after which she stopped being a "bitter person" and began to work with new people and try new things, even though she wrote the song alone in her bedroom in London. She placed the track last on Electra Heart because she views it as a "letting go" song.
In this process of losing myself, I am gaining something precious and that is the construction of a true authentic self-confidence. Not one that is out of fear : out of fear of being perceived like a loser, a compulsive fear of being like my 12 year old self, a scared and terrified pre-teen who hated herself, from the way she looked to her personality and non-existent talents.
I am finally starting to cultivate something solid, something that comes from a deep sense of self. 
[Verse 1]
I've lived a lot of different lives
Been different people many times
I live my life in bitterness
And fill my heart with emptiness
And now I see, I see it for the first time
There is no crime in being kind
Not everyone is out to screw you over
Maybe, yeah just maybe they just wanna get to know ya
And now the time is here
Baby, you don't have to live your life in fear
And the sky is clear, is clear of fear
[Chorus]
Don't wanna live in fear and loathing
I wanna feel like I am floating
Instead of constantly exploding
In fear and loathing
Albums that accompanied me during this period
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Traumazine - Megan Thee Stallion
Something to Give Each Other - Troye Sivan 
All year long, I was drawn to artists with an 8th house North Node. Lately, I’ve been drawn to slower, more sensual and jazzy songs, which isn’t something I listen to usually. Songs about intimacy, vulnerability.
-> both artists have a North Node in the 8th house, which is currently the energy I am encouraged to embody as it is the North Node of my solar return for the year 2024-25.
EDIT 030425 : Troye sivan doesn't have a north node in the 8th house
This north node is all about trust and intimacy, sharing oneself, the deepest parts of ourselves with others, sharing our resources, accepting loss and not compulsively clinging onto things, and possessions.
Just in the title of Troye Sivan’s album, this 8th house aspect is instantly identified : we have something to share, to give to others, to exchange with someone. It hints at an exclusive exchange between two people.
Something to Give Each Other hits especially now. Traumazine, it was more in February/March, which was the period I was starting to release things and started healing, feeling deeply angry and sad at the same. (around the astrological new year). Since September/October, especially now and for the next few months if not year, I have been feeling more like Something to Give Each Other. Now more than ever I am discovering the beauty of connecting with others, sharing my true self, throwing myself fully in the unknown nature of human relationships. All of those things , despite being a Pluto dominant and 8th houser, truly terrified me for years  even though I obsessively and terribly craved it at the same time.
This album is my something to give you - a kiss on a dancefloor, a date turned into a weekend, a crush, a winter, a summer. Party after party, after party after after party. Heartbreak, freedom. Community, sisterhood, friendship. All that.
— Sivan describing the album
At the end of the day, we all have something to give to someone, and to give each other.
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