#and being irish you know that's guaranteed to be a big one!

[iobartach]

like / reblog this for memes / asks from miguel?

I'll be lurking until saturday / sunday.

[fantomette22]

The Dogs in Bloodborne!

So @bobbyzombiegg you wanted some headcanons on the dogs right? Following this post. Alright I will, but first i’m gonna recap all the dogs we can see in Bloodborne!

No I'm not talking about the weird beasts. Even the ones we're not sure if they have animal or human origins, I will stay focused on dogs only.

Rabid dog (Yharnam and found in most of the locations of the game)

They seems to be cream coloured but I saw people said it could be brown. It's the dog ennemies we encounter the most often. The chimera in the Nightmare of Mensis are made with them too.

Grey Rabid dog (grey/silver version found in Yaha'rgul & chalice dungeons)

Same breed as the light coloured ones but they have darker fur (grey/silver)

Some might already know but for the ones who don't know this dog highly ressemble the Irish Wolfhound Breed

It's one of the biggest dog in the world. Typically used to hunt wolves (that's how all the wolf in Ireland disappear), deers and big animals.

The breed almost disappear in the 19th century but it was restored into the one we know today with mixing the last ones with the Great Dane, Scottish deerhound, borzoi and even Tibetan dog.

It also highly ressemble the Scottish deerhound, the too breed being very similar and link.

I personally call the ones in Bloodborne just wolfhound because there's no guarantee it's a real breed and again Bloodborne, like dark souls is not our world so I don't think Irish and England exist XD there's equivalent maybe. (And Yharnam would be closer to this universe version or Poland or Czech).

If you are attentive they aren't presented in the hunter's nightmare (see below the old hunter's hound) With the scourge of the beasts becoming worst and huge beasts appearing more frequently the hunters and citizens turn themself to bigger dogs to hunt bigger prey.

Hunting dog (Hemwick Charnel lane & chalice dungeons)

Don't ask me what breed it is I have 0 idea. Greyhound? A mixt breed? Idk. They are principally found in Hemwick too. They have been equip of weapons to hurt beast better I supposed. A hardcore version of the collar of some shepherd dog 😅 The ones left almost in completely autonomy with a herd and half collars with spike to not get hurt by wolves.

Keeper's hunting dogs

Found in the chalice dungeons and are weird mutated fire dogs. They follow their master, the keepers. I suppose they were normal dogs before.

Watchdog of the Old Lords

Idk if that was a dog before. Could be a keeper who transformed or something for all we know. But well it's literally called a "watchdog" so-

The corpses of dead dogs in the chalice dungeons

(I know it looks great but please imagined it's a dog 💀 it's the only screenshot I found)

Sometimes you can see corpses in the chalice dungeons and sometimes there's dogs ones as well. They seem rather "normal". And not really the breeds we already see.

Old hunter hound /rabid dog (Hunter's Nightmare-Yharnam/ The Old Hunters dlc)

So those are probably Dobermann. Used as guard dogs and for protections. During old hunter's era, most beasts were beast patients / human size not huge scourge beasts. So this type of dogs was ideal. With the beast growing bigger having more scourge beasts around the poor dogs become too insufficient. And that's why Yharnam adopt bigger bred like the wolfhounds.

Dobermanns are born with long falling ears and a tail. The tails was cut so they don't got hurt into fight or hunting and the ears because they often got affections. Many countries have forbidden it because with modern standard of life it donees't have any real use now. Contrary to what people think "attack dogs" are not born agressive. It's just that if they aren't trained well and develop comportement issues and agression it's going to be a bit more of a problem than a chihuahua who would have the same issues.

Fish dogs (Hunter's nightmare-Fishing hamlet/ The Old hunters dlc)

Don't ask me please. there's no idea of knowing what they were before. But their fish's head apparently ressemble a viperfish's head, also called a chauliodus, deep sea fish from the Stomiidae family. Not putting pictures here for people who are sensible, I put a link above. Their body as slimed and long (30cm), they lived between 200 and 4000m of depth (3300-13000ft). Those types of fishes (their genus) were discovered in the very early XIX/19th century.

Now my headcanons on why most of wolfhounds in Yharnam have light fur and why the one in Yahar’gul have dark colored ones.

Objectively the most possible answer is simply that the dog’s population of this two area weren’t mixted together. When you have a small portions of individual who don’t mixt with more exterior individuals they tend to end up with similar traits because of dominant & rececive genes (and if it last a LONG time, that’s how new species appears. But it take thousands if not millions of years and generations).

Well my headcanons is much simpler than that and basically for fic purposes. I just thought it would make sense that Yahar’gul hunters kept the darker ones because they need to stay discreet (they themselves have black clothes) etc. And the other would have kept the lighter ones because they are easier to see and recognize at night.

At the beginning of the introduction of the wolfhound races in Yharnam it was probably mixed individuals of different fur coats. With a bit with time, selection and breeding they would end up with most of the dogs being light light colored for the hunters/citizens and church. And Yahar’gul doing the same would ended up with the darker ones.

And bonus headcanons:

I imagined a younger Paarl possibly taking care of the first generation of wolfhound in Yharnam (they were introduced to replace the dobermanns because beasts grew bigger). And i like imagining Gehrman to had help with training and had one of his own :3 a white one (yes I draw it I should do that again) (because you see, to have survived that long and have will to live after Maria passed away and the old hunters dying one by one i imagined it would have been nice for him to have a companion for a time).

[lonesomedreamer]

The Rings of Power Liveblog: Adrift (Episode 2)

In between watching the first and second halves of this episode, I was looking back through the Appendices and realized that the events this series covers, from the reemergence of Sauron in Middle-earth to the eventual forging of the various Rings, span 1200 years! So it’s kind of absurd to think of them somehow adapting those events “accurately” (which makes you wonder why they made some of the narrative choices they did…).

The idea of Galadriel swimming back across the sea to Middle-earth is laughable, but tbh what else can she attempt to do in this situation?

The fire around the Stranger isn’t hot because…magic, I guess?

Nori’s a darling.

Arondir is being all self-sacrificing and stupid noble by going to explore the scary tunnels alone…good thing he probably has plot armor.

People who haven’t read The Silmarillion: Who the fuck is Fëanor? What are the Silmarils?!?

Helpfully, Elrond tells us that they were “the jewels that contain the very light of Valinor.” Oversimplified, sure, but that’s the kind of exposition the first episode needed: Tolkien 101 for people who know nothing about Tolkien (beyond, probably, some movies)!

As someone who can’t roll their Rs, the aggressively exaggerated pronunciation of “Sauron,” “Morgoth,” and now “Silmaril” makes me feel…kind of inept.

That said, a) do they even have the rights to tell this Morgoth story? and b) exposition between two characters who already know it (and I guarantee that Elrond knows the story Celebrimbor is telling rn…) is mildly annoying.

Elrond Half-elven, “as noble and fair as an elf-lord, as strong as a warrior, as wise as a wizard, as venerable as a king of dwarves, and as kind as summer” a Kiss-ass

Good set design! Tbh, I wish Rivendell had been portrayed more like this in the PJ movies: a little richer, with more wood and warm golden light.

Why is Celebrimbor in such an arbitrary hurry to build this forge? A few months is nothing to an Elf!

“How far outside [our own race]?” Well, I just don’t know, Celebrimbor, who else in Middle-earth is renowned for their metallurgy? Which race has yet to be portrayed in this—oh, right.

Please book me a trip to Middle-earth.

“Their prince, Durin, is an old and dear friend.” And yet Elrond, one of the wisest people in Middle-earth, doesn’t know what “Durin’s Day” is when it comes up in The Hobbit. If he had a near-fraternal bond with a Dwarf prince, wouldn’t he be aware of significant Dwarven holidays?

I know this Elrond is just supposed to be younger and less experienced, but he’s coming across as kind of dumb.

Khazad-dûm looks incredible.

So the Dwarves have Scottish accents, the Harfoots Irish, and the Elves English? But the Men also have English accents, just less refined? Hmm. Choices were made.

I would die for her nbd. ♥

Gee, I wonder why everyone is speculating about Gandalf.

“Looks can be deceiving.” Given that I know who this character turns out to be, this dialogue is a little…heavy-handed.

The whole water dragon (?) sequence was so silly. Just like the “ice troll”.

It’s almost like “Elrond is besties with this Dwarf prince” subplot was a bad idea cooked up only to create some pointless, petty interpersonal conflict. It also makes it painfully obvious that there’s no reason Celebrimbor, an Elf, would be in a big hurry to build anything.

“Gamli” is the really best name they could come up with for Durin’s son? Pretty sure Durin’s son was also named Durin. I cross-checked the Appendices and could not find a “Gamli” anywhere…

Do Durin and Disa, the crown prince and princess of Khazad-dûm, have no servants? They’re just welcoming a guest into their house, fussing with their children, and serving dinner like regular folk. Where is a single one of the dozens of extras that we just saw in a previous scene??

What is it with the tendency of Tolkien adaptations to show the Dwarves as less than dignified? (i.e., Durin belching loudly at the dinner table.) Gimli was reduced to comic relief, and the Dwarves in the Hobbit films who aren’t meant to be seen as goofy—Thorin, Fili and Kili—are much more like Men than the other Dwarves. Tolkien felt VERY strongly about Dwarves being a proud and noble race! Respect that!!!

“Aulë’s beard!” I love this. (People who haven’t read the Silmarillion: Who’s Aulë?!)

“I am simply wondering what manner of man would so readily abandon his companions to death.” Big Elizabeth Swann energy.

There are so many problems with making this character a hot human dude. I’m glad I already know the truth about his identity, though—I don’t have to come around to “Halbrand” or (even worse) start shipping him with Galadriel. I can just be indignant.

Based on what we know about the duplicitous behavior as [redacted], you’d think Halbrand would be a little bit more…suave? Charming? Anything but this blunt, confrontational asshole.

People sure can cover ground quickly in Middle-earth. Unbelievably fast travel for the sake of moving the story along is a problem in almost all fantasy TV shows, mind you. If they only budgeted for 10 episodes instead of 8…or even (gasp) 13…

Why do Orcs look like straight-up horror movie villains now?

Also it’s so convenient that this Orc appeared beneath Bronwyn’s house on the same day she tried to convince her fellow villagers about the Orc tunnel threat.

Their pathetic little raft wouldn’t survive this, lol.

WHY does Halbrand save Galadriel? Repeatedly?? Did they think about this at all? There is nothing human, selfless, or compassionate about [redacted], lmfao.

As magical as this looks, Nori and Poppy’s “firefly” lanterns aren’t flickering, and anyone who’s ever seen fireflies knows that their glow isn’t consistent. They blink individually.

Same, Poppy. I also get freaked out when I see a firefly die.

The Appendices tell us that the Dwarves came to the military aid of the Elves and that they were as closely allied with Celebrimbor/Eregion as at any time in their shared history. So why are they making King Durin such a bullheaded, racist prick? (I know: for drama.)

Is the narrative implying that the shining object in King Durin’s chest is…what, a Silmaril? Because it sure as fuck shouldn’t be.

No, little emo kid, don’t take the broken Sauron sword that will surely attract evil to your people as they flee their village!

Bronwyn’s entire village is pretty easy to scare despite their generally gruff attitudes, aren’t they? At least they’re not completely stupid/have some sense of self-preservation.

The Good:

There’s still some stunning imagery to be had in this one, namely Khazad-dûm and the surrounding mountains

Likewise, some really nice set design in Eregion and especially Khazad-dûm

Nori!!!

A little exposition for non-readers (though maybe still not enough)

The Bad:

Most of the acting was weaker than in first episode, not that the writers gave anyone much to work with

Weak writing throughout: the dialogue’s not great. The characters’ motivations/choices don’t make much sense. Most of the scenarios they find themselves in vary from illogical (Elrond, Arondir) to unbelievable (Galadriel).

Why is the Stranger—Gandalf or Radagast or whoever he is—mute? And why does Nori keep assuming that she can understand/communicate with him??

No respect for the Dwarves, as usual

Too much stuff is convenient or coincidental, i.e., the perfectly-timed Orc appearance in Bronwyn’s house and the improbable survival of Halbrand’s raft

Meaning no disrespect to gamers, there were more “video game” type scenes—specifically, the water “dragon” and the Orc in Bronwyn’s house—which added nothing to the story and told us anything about the characters.

Halbrand. Yes, I am biased by knowing the twist.

I didn’t feel like this episode was that much worse than the first while I was watching it, but after reading over this, it’s obvious that it was quite a step down in quality. The first one felt, in most places, like a heartfelt homage to Tolkien’s world in ways this one just didn’t. But I love Nori to bits, and the visuals are still amazing, so I will persevere.

[moonystoes]

I get that this is frustrating for you that Elisa doesn't share anything about politics, but there are many possible reasons why she doesn't do that.

1. There are nearly no posts that aren't football related on her account. It's her professional account and she seems to want to keep it about football as much as possible. She has like 4 posts a year at most that aren't her playing football.

2. She doesn't have to. It's not her job to inform others or educate others. That's the job of the news, which they do very well here. Everyone here knows what's happening and where I live there have been plenty of demonstrations. However, some Arab medias and especially Iran love to lie and twist what's happening here and produce hate against "the Western world" in general.

3. In France, it is totally normal not to say anything political as an athlete. It is mostly considered unprofessional.

4. She hasn't posted about any conflict. She hasn't posted anything about Ukraine, Sudan/South Sudan, Niger etc. or the elections in France. I know in the US, it's quite common that celebrities talk about who they support in public, but this is not the case in most European countries. Especially because most European countries have a wide range of political parties and you yourself have to decide who to vote for.

5. She's actually not that privileged. She's a masc woman, most likely lesbian and she has a migration background since she's French/Portuguese. France is not necessarily the most open-minded when it comes to celebs/public figures being part of the lgbt community. And while the combination French/Portuguese is not the most uncommon combination in France, I guarantee you that there will be people that do not consider her to be a 'real' French person. Portugal is poorer than France, which is why this combination of dual citizenship is not necessarily so well seen there. Yes, sure, she is most likely on the richer side, lives in or close to Paris (and grew up there) and is most likely catholic. For the US, she's white but that is not necessarily the case here. We don't necessarily put people in this kind of group, it is far more complex than "White, Black, Asian, Arabic". So e.g. Polish people are white, yet they are one of groups that had to endure the most in history. If you look at US history, you'll also notice why Italians and Irish in the US might not consider themselves white since they used to be considered as "not white". So, of course it isn't the exact same as Sakina for example but most people will still know that she's not just French and therefore not necessarily see her as a "fully/actually french". Even if she plays for France, was born and raised in France and as far as I remember never lived in Portugal.

6. The amount of hate she gets. She already gets a lot of hate for her being a masc woman, for her style of play, from the PSG fans and from the France fans on each and every single post that exists of her on Instagram and Tiktok. So, if she doesn't post or say anything, she'll most likely get called ignorant. If she does though, she'll get called performative and having "white savior syndrome".

This is in no way or shape meant to attack you or anyone else. I just wanted to explain her possible reasons since if I remember correctly you live in the US, are Arab, never lived in France or Europe in general and in a younger age group. This is just meant to show why she might not post anything since French/European culture and US culture actually do not have that much in common as many people believe. Again, it is not meant to attack or offend anyone and I'm not trying to start a fight or big discussion, I'm just trying to give possible explanations that Élisa might have.

Hey! Since your ask is a lot. I'd try to add my points and thoughts if I have some.

2. Iran isn't an Arab country, it's Persian but resides in the middle east. (Sorry I had to do it or I'll keep thinking about this all month 😭😭🙈). Secondly, Iran doesn't just make the west bad, they make every other country except their extremist dictatorship look bad. Iran has its own propaganda and disgusting government. But for Arabs (especially as one), it's not hard to 'demonize' the west when we get new news articles about one of us getting shot, harassed or basically disrespected. I wish I was joking but there was an Arab person that was just racially attacked this week in France, and I'm pretty sure Sakina reposted something about it in her story. I agree that some Arabs just follow stereotypes, but it's safer than just going there and becoming one of the victims too.

3. I understand that it isn't her job. But it also wasn't Sakina, kenza, le guilly, aissa's job to post about it either. But they still did. Obviously she doesn't have that big of a platform to actually change scores (THANK YOU KYLIAN MBAPPE AND KOUNDE).

5. I understand that obviously as a masc lesbian, things aren't going to be easy for her. But I think that previous anon was referring the Palestinian genocide, not the right-wing issue. The reason why so many Arabs speak so much about palestine is because our country had been affected somewhat and we feel a connected outside of culture too. For example I'm from yemen and it's in a war currently as I speak, I lived through some of it as a kid and I don't want anyone to experience these things. That's why it's so easy for me to sympathize with Palestinians (i want to clarify that what yemen is going through is NOTHING like palestine!!). Thats what the anon was referring to when she brought up Elisa being privileged. Now speaking about her being Portuguese, I'm not aware of the conditions in Portugal or how French people view them, so I feel like I have no right to speak about her life as a Portuguese/french person. And in no way do I agree that Elisa is 100% privileged, at the end of the day she's a queer woman.

6. I agree with you about her having too much attention right now, but that's exactly why we feel like it's best to use her large platform. But I respect her being private for everything, she rarely posts about anything even a selfie is a rare sight.

At the end of the day, this isn't a major issue. It's just something that bothered me and obviously other people based on the anons. I'm not gonna hate on her or stop my fan account (is this what I am now 🙂🙂), I just would've been very happy if she did make a comment about it. I mean....at least she didn't post any zionist info, I guess that's something to be happy about 😭.

[riverstardis]

Casualty pages from this week's TV Times :'(

Why does now feel like a good time to leave Casualty?

One of my big reasons for wanting a break was to spend more time at home. It’s a long commute [to Cardiff, where the series is filmed] and I have a young family. I was also getting that itch to explore other challenges. I turned 40 last year, too, so it all rolled into one package!

Are you pleased that Ethan isn’t being killed off?

Yes, and that was very much part of the conversation when I was toying with the idea of a break. I said, ‘I’d like the door to be left open, please.’ I know there are no guarantees in our industry, but I like that Ethan has gone away, yet there’s loads to explore down the line. In terms of storylines, there was nothing in the immediate vicinity that they wanted me to play out. So it was nice to leave quietly, much like Ethan does in the episode.

Can you reveal anything about his departure?

Ethan is going for his final interview for the Jac Naylor Award, which is a six-month placement abroad. At the same time, he’s treating a young boy who makes him think about his own son, Bodhi. Alongside all this, Fenisha’s parents are in the hospital because her mother has a heart attack. Ethan starts to assess his responsibilities. He’s aware his future is probably going to be shorter than other people’s [having been diagnosed with Huntington’s disease], so he needs to make the most of life. It all comes to a head and he makes his decision. It’s bittersweet. I’m leaving, as [clinical lead] Dylan Keogh says, with an Irish Exit!

Yes, Ethan slips away without saying goodbye to his colleagues! But, offscreen, did you have a leaving party?

Yes, and it was lovely because it coincided with Casualty’s summer break in August, so it was a joint ‘Summer & See You Later, Ethan’ party. The cast made videos, there were a few speeches and William Beck [AKA Dylan] DJ-ed! I went back in October to meet up with a few of them and it was really strange, especially as there were some new faces! The swing doors of Casualty never stay still!

Looking back over the past nine years, what have been your favourite storylines?

The story around Olivia D’Lima leaving; I loved our two wedding episodes [which aired in 2021]. Although if you’d asked me at the time, I probably would have said it was too intense! I also really enjoyed the episodes where Richard Winsor came back in flashbacks [in 2021] and we relived what happened in 2016. And I always love those big, ensemble pieces with the whole cast. Our coronavirus episode was particularly poignant; we were telling a story that meant so much.

What will you miss most – and least! – about the show?

I’ll miss the people; the cast and crew are so talented and fun to be around. But I’m happy not to do those long days in resus for a while! We film them over a couple of days and there’s a lot of tricky medical prosthetics and the medical jargon is like a foreign language.

The next chapter of your career starts with you in the stage adaptation of Peter James’ crime novella Wish You Were Dead, alongside fellow Casualty legend Clive Mantle [AKA doctor Mike Barratt] and I’m a Celebrity… 2020 winner Giovanna Fletcher…

I’m really looking forward to getting back on stage! I’ve wanted to do a play for a while because theatre’s my first love. But I’ve definitely got that feeling of going back to school.

The UK tour begins on Thursday 16 February. What can you tell us about it?

It’s the sixth play by Peter James, and fans of his will know the character Roy Grace, a detective superintendent who lives in Brighton. Most of the stories take place in and around Sussex, but this one’s a little different because Roy, who I play, and his wife, Cleo, played by Giovanna, are on holiday. It starts off light-heartedly as a holiday going wrong, but it soon becomes more sinister – the people who run the hotel aren’t who they say they are!

Did you know any of the cast beforehand?

I remember going on a school trip to see Clive in an adaptation of [John Steinbeck’s novella] Of Mice and Men with my drama GCSE group! We also did a Doctor Who audio together [in 2012] and a Casualty-themed episode of Pointless Celebrities [in 2021], which Clive won while Di Botcher [AKA paramedic Jan Jenning] and I came last!

Have you seen John Simm’s portrayal of Roy Grace in ITV1 crime drama Grace?

Yes, it’s great! I really like the books, too. I’m immersing myself in the back catalogue. I had lunch with Peter James in Brighton and he’s a really interesting guy. He does a lot of research and has been to visit people in prison. He said I can ask him any questions, which I will be taking him up on!

Hopefully, some of your Casualty co-stars will come to see you treading the boards!

Yes, I’m in Cardiff, so they have no excuse! Without being too gushy, Casualty has been completely life-changing. I got to immerse myself in a character and a show, and now I’ve come out 10 years older with all these amazing experiences!

[be-my-wingman-anytime]

I’d like to do a ship Request for Top Gun(1986).

Alright so my name is Amy. I’m almost 25 and stand about 5’5 even. I love to bake and cook and read or just watch child movies or cartoons. I love shopping and supporting my family and helping when I can wether it’s giving blood or helping a neighbor. I love to be goofy but I have serious moments because I am a super sensitive person. I love to just have fun and I’ve played sports especially volleyball.

I am Female and go by She/Her/They pronouns but mostly she/her.

I’m Bi with a preference towards men

I’m a bit more on the curvy side then most girls with long curly hair that’s dirty blonde. I’m fair skinned with perfect eyebrows and hazel-green eyes. Despite being big I do work out!

Hobbies are singing, baking, cooking, reading and sewing. I also have a passion for swimming and like to skate!

Unfortunately, giving my family’s history, I have a Irish Temper and I’m quick to angry but I’m also overly emotional and will cry for no reason or over something trivial. I am also as hardheaded as an ass which I get form both parents. I was diagnosed with ADHD at a young age so unfortunately my brain doesn’t function so it’s hard for me to stay focused!

Growing up with two loving parents and a slew of family close by, I’ve learned to become loyal to a fault. I’ll always have your back and support you as long as you do the same. Despite my ADHD I love to learn and read. I’m somewhat musically gifted and I have a passion for baking and cooking as it lets me explore from what I know. If you really care about me, I’ll give you the same treatment in return. Doing your laundry(my parents mostly), offering advice and listening, just overall being there!

I’m mostly a pretty fun girl whose got a big heart and loves to have fun. I love kids too so sometimes I’m motherly to my cousins kids. I am the extrovert who collects introverts because I love to talk. I’m a people talker which can sometimes be a bad thing but mostly good!

My star Sign is Aquarius!

NSFW can be included!(im 25 on the 23 of this month)

I’d prefer to keep like all the older instructors and such off the list. Sundown and Chipper like background characters who don’t have as many lines. I’d also like to avoid Cougar and Merlin! I hope this helps! Can’t wait to see!

Hi Amy! Happy Birthday for when it’s the 23rd! Thank you for popping into my inbox and trusting me with a ship! I hope you enjoy it!

I ship you with…

Goose

I almost shipped you with Carol because she’s so fun-loving but I kept leaning back towards Goose to the point where I was basically the mental human version of the Leaning Tower of Pisa.

But you’re totally Carols’ bestie! Perhaps she’s the one that set you and Goose up? (sorry Carol/Goose shippers!)

Goose definitely has a thing for blonde-hair, green/hazel-eyed babes! He honestly thinks he doesn’t stand a chance with you. You’re so gorgeous and have all the curves in all the right places. Your golden curls and gorgeous hazel-coloured eyes that are shaped by your eyebrows. Literal picture perfect. Can he have your picture pinned in the cockpit?

You and her totally go shopping together and you chat about Goose non-stop.

This is fine by Goose because he doesn’t like going shopping. However, he does love it when you come home all excited to show him what you bought! Especially if it’s clothes. He’d want a runway session!

And if it’s lingerie… Hehe

It must look a bit weird, you being on the curvier side and Goose being a literal stick figure (hurry and do some sugary baking. Fatten this man up at once!)

But he loves your curves. It’s a literal turn-on for him.

Guarantee, from an outsiders perspective who didn’t realise you two are a couple, he straight up looks like a fucking sleazebag checking you out from the aisle over. The cheesy moustache, Hawaiian shirt and holding a box of lego probably isn’t helping.

However, if you really want him to go shopping with you… lure him with the promise of ice-cream. “Can I get two scoops?” he’ll ask like a child, holding up two fingers, soft puppy-dog eyes glancing at you. How can you say no to him?

You WILL lose him in the store. But you can be guaranteed you’ll find him in the toy department looking at plane models.

Will he look at, holding a box of a model plane close to his chest and beg you? “Can we buy this? Please?” Yes. Yes he will.

Be careful though, he’ll definitely use this soft look against you to get what he wants! He’s just as cheeky as you are!

The fact you play volleyball makes up for all the times you’ve dragged him out to a spontaneous shopping spree. He loves volleyball and loves playing with you! It’s the best way to spend the summertime! A mixed round down at the beach of Girls Vs Boys and then mixed doubles (you and Goose, Mav and Carol [who aren’t dating but just friends]).

Followed by drinks at the bar.

Which leads into Goose at the piano. You by Goose’s side, loudly singing and Carol and Maverick joining in.

Goose is at his happiest during these times.

But you both have your serious moments.

Late evening talks. Sitting on the couch.

Goose is comfortable opening up about what’s on his mind. You both talk the problem out. If it doesn’t get sorted (perhaps because there’s no solution to what’s weighing on him) at least he came to you.

You both have such an open and honest relationship.

You never go to bed on an argument. You’re too soft for that and Goose doesn’t like seeing you breakdown.

No way is he going to let you fall asleep having cried your eyes out.

He’ll be the first to apologise. He has no issue with that. Even if he doesn’t know what he’s apologising for. He just doesn’t want to go to bed without saying ‘I love you’ and being able to hold you.

Goose is a huge family man. He’s always wanted a family of his own. So he’d definitely be there helping your family too. Whenever he can. He’s pretty absent most of the time but even after months of deployment that has him exhausted and tired, he’s still there helping your family.

Speaking of family, you both have such beautiful babies with cheeky personalities. They test the boundaries of what’s good behaviour, but they’re generally good kids. Always have a way of making everyone smile. So good luck figuring out which side they get that from!

He’s a very hands-on significant other. He’s always helping around the house without asking and trying to make things easier for you. Including following your ADHD trail of unfinished things which he finishes while you’ve started three other new things.

There’s more radio on in the house than the TV. It’s a very musical house.

Between Goose teaching the children piano or you just singing and humming away while you’re doing things around the house.

Goose’s favourite moments are watching you, particularly the first time you were pregnant, bopping a little in time with the song you were singing, while you were baking some cookies. You didn’t know he was watching.

Until he came in, dancing and singing, joining in the fun.

So there you two are, two parents-to-be, being silly and goofy in your own home.

But this is where Goose came in to do the dishes so you can sit down and relax.

He kept an eye on the baking because he knew you’d fall asleep on the couch. Pregnancy is tiring after all.

He loves it when you bake and cook. He cooks too! It’s not the stereotypical 50’s housewife scenario. Okay..admittedly it is. But that’s how things naturally fell into place. You do insist on baking and cooking because you enjoy it. But he does love it.

For some reason the house always smells better when you’re baking.

Luckily for Goose, he doesn’t need to worry about putting weight on because he regularly works out. Sometimes high intensity with Maverick. Other times, just a general workout with you. He loves it though. Gets to watch you work-out.

Remember when I said he looked like a total creep in the store?

Yeah…well…the gym too.

Also expect both Goose and Maverick to come to you to get their patches sewn on their jackets. Or to have it safely removed (guarantee they would’ve just pulled it off and made it worse).

You both frolicking at the beach in the summertime. I can see you both getting into snorkelling while on holiday. You both were kind of just ‘meh’ about it but once you did it, you loved it. Especially when Goose would randomly pick something up and point to it like a proud child of ‘look at this!’

But also keep an eye on him underwater too. He’s not the smartest to know what’s considered poisonous or dangerous. He just sees a cool-looking thing that looks like a plane and has to show you.

Skating dates. Or, rather… you’re off skating around the area while Goose is in a egotistical competitive match of Volleyball of him and Maverick Vs Iceman and Slider.

I know Ice-skating is different but you teaching him to skate on the Ice….

He never feels silly. He’s always up to trying everything and anything with you.

Like I said, you are both open with each other. About everything.

Goose is very calm…he shows this during all the times he could’ve torn a new one into Maverick but didn’t (instead, he calmly came to him and spoke to him about a problem) so your irish temper, whilst a thing to behold, is something Goose has learnt to navigate. He’ll either step back and leave you alone, or he’ll place a hand on your shoulder and use the safe word “Potatoes.”

Yes, you two have a safe word for your irish temper (sue me, it was funny in my head).

When you’re getting a little too angry, that little gesture and random word silently says ‘Calm down. Take a deep breath. Let’s work it out.’ …. Most especially if you’re in public. But there have been times when you’ve not listened so Goose is just “Potatoes! Think about the potatoes honey!”

Your over-sensitive heart is one of the things Goose has fallen for. It always makes him laugh a little when you cry over the silliest things (but he’s not laughing at you). He’s always there with a hug and a light “Awh honey.”

But your over-sensitive heart is one of the things Goose is extremely protective of. When Maverick gets too cocky and too risky in the air because, lets be real, he is slightly egotistical… Goose went to him that evening, once he made sure you were settled at home, and spoke to Maverick. He has you and a possible future family to think about.

Your hard-headedness is great because, as mentioned or likely hinted at, Goose needs to be reigned in with a few things (ie, buying toys he doesn’t need).

Now Goose is generally a placid being. But when he puts his foot down, you actually stop and listen. Because it’s not often he does this – and tends to do it when you’re being too hot-headed.

Also prepare to be annoyed with him throwing paper planes at you. Imagine you’re in the kitchen or just reading, minding your own business and you suddenly get jabbed by the nose of a paper airplane. You can’t be mad though because sometimes they’ll have a little love-note on them.

He would propose to you on the beach; which I see going 1 of 2 ways;

Either during the day where you were under the assumption that it was another beach volleyball so it didn’t bother you people were there. And he proposed to you in front of everyone.

Or he’d keep it just between the two of you and propose to you in the late evening when the sun was setting, the sky a soft pink, the water very gently lapping against the shoreline.

NSFW:

Do you know how hot you look if you were lounging on the bed, in lingerie or just sexy-looking pyjamas (that are specifically sexy but to Goose they are) and reading some sort of plane manual or something. You love to read and learn new things, and this was one of those things. Understanding Goose’s job… Except you look sexy doing it.

Picture this; you two at the beach…in the ocean…Your legs wrapped around his waist. Him holding you to him. The rest of the Top Gun guys have their attention on the volleyball match that’s going on at the shore.

Meanwhile Goose’s attention is on you. And IN you.

You do a lot of cooking and baking in the kitchen…prepare for Goose to interrupt that as he sits you up on the bench or has you pressed over the bench.

If he knows Maverick is coming over for dinner, always tries to steal a quickie right before he’s due to arrive. Has you pressed up against the wall, dress lifted up…

But despite these many quickies… he’s still a gentle lover.

Worships your body.

Takes his time. Peppers kisses anywhere he can reach.

One thing he always does is when he lines himself up at your entrance, you’re both gazing at each other and he wants to see your expression. Never gets tired of it.

Loves having your blonde curls splayed over the pillow.

But also loves watching them bounce up and down (amongst many other things) when you’re straddling on top of him.

The definition of sexy is what he’s seeing right before his eyes; his beautiful, blonde-haired, hazel-eyed woman with the perfect lips, the perfect curves…how he doesn’t fall apart immediately is beyond him.

He’s got his hands on your hips, bouncing you, but when you’re leaning down, one hand is definitely in the curls of your hair. Gently gripping as he angles your face to either kiss him or give him easier access to your neck.

You have a beautiful voice when you’re singing, but an even more beautiful voice when you’re moaning.

[glorioustidalwavedefendor]

This is Disney recognising that their heinous and clearly illegal use of the Disney+ TOS wouldn’t hold up in court, and in fact would likely lead to a sweeping precedent that would ban a lot of predatory TOS practices like this one by big corporations.

yes, becasue

a) he might have agreed to those terms but his wife didn't and he is suing on her behalf

b) those wavers you have to sign are only allowed to have things in them that are expected and not Unconscionability becasue even the law agrees that you can't read them through every time you have to click O.K., and you can't expect to never be allowed to sue Disney just becasue you agreed to the terms of conditions to watch Disney+

so yeah

Disney is saving it's own ass here

BUT I also hope the waiter at the restaurant specifically gets thrown in jail for manslaughter, because

“When the waiter returned with [Tangsuan’s] food, some of the items did not have allergen-free flags in them and [Tangsuan] and [Piccolo] once again questioned the waiter who, once again, guaranteed the food being delivered to [Tangsuan] was allergen free.”

the kicthen very clearyl comunicated that the food was NOT SAFE

for what ever reason

maybe part of the ingridienst where delivered ready made (like creams) and could not be supsituted

maybe it was not possible to dessinfect the work station

who knows

the kicthen made sure the patron was as safe as possible

the waiter decided that they are allowed to make that call

-> proably becasue they didn't believe she was really allergic

This waiter is a murderer and needs to be hit by the full consequences of that desicion

becasue the thing is

I know people with food allergies

and I know people who fake it for attention

and I STILL would not feel comfortable making that call

Becasue if someone is faking for attention, and I comply that says a lot more about them then about me

and if they don't fake I potentially can murder someone or get them in deep financial troble (medical bills)

I do not feel comfortable with that kind of resonsibility

why to waiters and kicthen staff fee so comfortable making that call?

I feel like they should feel very VERY scared to make that call

The secret to getting your troops to attack is to make them more afraid of you then the enemy

the secret to having allergy needs met, is to make the staff A LOT more afraid of getting it wrong then of complying with a "facker"

straight up cartoonishly fucking evil corporation

[punkscowardschampions]

Tancy pt.1

Teddy: As much as I hate to disturb you whilst you’re getting ready

Teddy: I’ve got something to tell you

Nancy: A good something or a troubling something

Teddy: I think you’ll like it

Nancy: That’s a relief

Nancy: what is it?

Teddy: [send her the bits of the Chlo convo that relate to the scheme of her wanting to have babies with you]

Nancy: Oh, wow

Teddy: Aren’t you proud of me for keeping myself busy in the best possible way?

Nancy: Of course I am

Nancy: I can’t believe she has so completely lost the plot though

Teddy: Isn’t it fantastic

Teddy: though I knew she had when she said she had 0 desire to see you

Nancy: She would say that, that’s nothing new

Nancy: What are you going to do about the rest of what she has?

Teddy: I told G she wants to molest me, my sister predictably didn’t bite

Nancy: She wouldn’t, can’t be relied on for anything, let alone an emotional response

Nancy: still, the potential is limitless 

Teddy: I know but I couldn’t help it, I was thinking of how you touched me

Nancy: A comparison to Chlo and the word molest is rude 

Teddy: I got accused of being obsessed with her, which is also your fault, THAT’S rude

Nancy: Ha, Teddy 💘s Chlo

Teddy: I need you to talk her about how J & Ava are 💘

Teddy: she doesn’t believe me that they’re more than his typical fling & until she does she won’t be convinced bearing my children is the solution

Nancy: Once I’ve worked out what she’s still mad at me for this time, easy

Nancy: and you’re sure you won’t care, about the practicality of it all

Teddy: Of course I’d care if I actually had to go through with fucking her

Nancy: I was more talking about the producing offspring

Teddy: Oh them

Teddy: why would I?

Nancy: Does it not weird you out?

Nancy: they’d be 50% you

Teddy: The brat she’s got now is all her, poor thing

Nancy: I know but that’s not a guarantee

Teddy: My mother’s genetics are very strong, true

Nancy: You’ll have time to work out if you want to do it or can get enough blackmail material to not need to

Teddy: J would have already raised them by the time I did my big reveal, I’d make sure of that much, or boarding schools take the brats young too, worse case scenario I could send them to [the boujee-est location the furthest away]

Nancy: That’s true

Nancy: Why didn’t you go to boarding school?

Teddy: My mother loves me too much, naturally

Teddy: Chlo was being so hilariously pro-life, you should’ve heard her

Nancy: Is she Catholic?

Nancy: Looks it too

Teddy: Perhaps you share the same depressing Irish roots

Nancy: If she knew she’d have told me when we were best friends

Teddy: Why didn’t you go to boarding school?

Nancy: Why would I?

Nancy: The thought wouldn’t have occurred to my parents

Teddy: How tragically nouveau riche 

Nancy: Stop being a snob just because you’re proud of yourself

Teddy: I’m thinking of you, again, excuse you, you’d adore having that many friends around you all the time, poor little baby Nancy 🥺

Nancy: Until you stole one of their boyfriends and then no one will talk to you, could be hellish

Teddy: No boys allowed, which does sound difficult given your refusal to go gay even at my insistence 

Nancy: You’re making up rules now, they have coed ones

Teddy: You’re right, your daddy would send you there, he doesn’t ever look after you properly

Nancy: And now you’re calling me a slut

Teddy: Chlo called Ava one, it’s frankly the hottest she’s sounded to date

Nancy: You’ll have to hope she can keep bringing it when you fuck her

Teddy: I’ll have to have you to hold my hand through it

Nancy: Maybe

Nancy: Are you even telling the truth about the trust fund?

Teddy: You’re the only one who could get me hard for her

Teddy: How would I have the faintest idea if he can block her from accessing it once they’re divorced? I told her what she wanted to hear

Nancy: That sounds like something you should have thought of before you made such big promises

Nancy: still, you can always wank into a cup for her

Teddy: I’m yet to promise her anything

Nancy: When will you talk to her again, as she’s not going to come to your party now

Teddy: I was hoping you’d talk to her first

Nancy: about Ava and James, I remember

Teddy: If you do a good job, she may come to me herself

Nancy: I can’t piss her off as badly as you

Teddy: You can pretend Ava’s confided in you, Chlo’s foolish enough to believe you two turned over a new leaf since she spoke to you last

Nancy: I could get her to confide in me

Teddy: Regardless, as far as Chlo’s concerned, she has, if it’s straight from the horse's mouth she can’t refute it as more hearsay

Nancy: I get it, it’s straightforward

Teddy: She tried to say she doesn’t think your sister is that pretty

Nancy: She always was a fan of making herself sound delusional

Teddy: Don’t you want to know what I said?

Nancy: You clearly want to tell me

Teddy: [send her the screenshot of you saying she’s prettier]

Nancy: Why would you say that

Teddy: Because it’s true

Nancy: No it’s not

Nancy: don’t talk about me to her

Teddy: Yes it is

Teddy: why can’t I express my opinion on how beautiful you are?

Nancy: Because she’s not as stupid as everyone thinks and she’ll wonder why you’re talking about me at all

Teddy: I’ve talked about you before, it isn’t out of the blue

Nancy: and you told her I’d be at your party

Teddy: You will, people are going to see you

Nancy: In costume, like everyone else, I’ll blend in

Teddy: They won’t see us together, it’s okay

Teddy: but please, it’s impossible to imagine you’d be capable of blending in anywhere, you can’t & you never have

Nancy: We aren’t going to be together, not alone

Teddy: It’s my birthday, don’t be cruel

Nancy: I’m not, just realistic

Teddy: We can do whatever we want

Nancy: You can and will, it’s your birthday

Teddy: Nancy

Nancy: Don’t worry

Teddy: Don’t YOU worry, I’ll always protect you

Nancy: I don’t need protecting, least of all from Chlo

Teddy: The brat is the only one who needs protecting from her, but she isn’t my baby, you are

Nancy: Teddy

Teddy: You are

Nancy: We’re not going to fight on your birthday

Nancy: your sister has already done the honours

Teddy: We’re not going to fight because you can’t deny it

Nancy: I don’t want to

Teddy: Touch your neck

Nancy: I haven’t forgot, it wasn’t that long ago

Teddy: It was unforgettable, touch it, I’ll touch mine too

Nancy: Can you feel it?

Teddy: Yes

Nancy: I can still feel you

Teddy: How long are you going to be away from me?

Nancy: I can’t show up early

Nancy: at least we’ve got this plan to think on in the meantime

Teddy: Is Ava at home?

Nancy: Yeah, of course she caught me coming in 🙄

Nancy: when you’d made me look such a mess

Teddy: Do give her my love

Teddy: A mess? I think not, darling

Nancy: Did you know she’s not planning to attend your party?

Nancy: because she is not getting dressed in a costume for you right now

Teddy: I distinctly remember you preferring she didn’t

Nancy: It’s still your guest list

Nancy: anyway, it’s not like you to care 

Teddy: I don’t care to put her on it

Nancy: Did you ask Chlo what James was up to this evening? 

Teddy: She’s the last to know

Nancy: Is she not trying to keep him at all now

Nancy: perhaps that should be obvious with her offer to you but it is Chlo, after-all, she’s never treated him with any respect

Teddy: She’s adamant he’ll never leave her, the denial is ALL she has

Nancy: Perhaps he committed a crime in his wild days and she’s held onto the evidence for assurance…

Teddy: Very possible

Teddy: though I think she just assumes the brat is a bigger bargaining chip than it is

Nancy: Well his paternal instincts are stronger than most, she isn’t wrong

Nancy: no one else would’ve stuck by her half as seriously

Teddy: She’ll be old enough for school soon, Chlo isn’t someone he needs to keep around for the sake of homework

Nancy: Ava can do hers and the kid’s

Teddy: Quite, she’ll recall it all vividly, the age gap is non-existent after all

Nancy: I really do think much less of him for this, it’s SO gross

Teddy: A silver lining

Nancy: Rude of you not to want to see me happy as my friend but whatever

Nancy: that ship has sailed

Teddy: No one but your closest friend would tell he’s wrong for you

Nancy: Anyone can be right for me if I want them

Teddy: You’d realise your mistake fairly immediately

Nancy: Anyway

Teddy: This isn’t getting you dressed, exactly

Nancy: I’m still coming

Nancy: after your streak of nos there, don’t worry

Teddy: I’m not, I’ve had plenty of RSVPs yes

Nancy: Of course darling

Teddy: 🤴🏼

Teddy: I’ll eagerly await your fashionably late arrival nonetheless

Nancy: There’s no need to wait though

Nancy: I have to go do something first so I can’t get ready yet

Teddy: Holding one’s breath is your party trick, not mine

Teddy: I meanwhile, already have guests, who I should attend to now that I’ve passed the news of Chlo’s impending nervous breakdown along

Nancy: I understand, that sort of excitement cannot hold

Teddy: Of course not

Nancy: Bye for now

Teddy: [rudely don’t reply haha as if you’re suddenly and immediately too busy]

Nancy: [me like that went well huns]

Teddy: [they are the drama mick, but at least he does have bday carnage to distract him and pretend that he isn’t watching the door for her, I’ll be cringing because his gf will show up early because she’s his gf so there’s that whole thing to keep you busy sir]

Nancy: [gutted you have to miss that girl but obviously it’ll be being posted/talked about by other gossipy hoes so you can enjoy it from afar, you will have to turn up eventually because your current boyfriend is the boring kind and you don’t have time to scheme another so of course you’re going to have to still show here, giving a few hours into it being a real party, you know the vibes, just immediately finding a group that is actively doing some lines like thank you]

Teddy: [make your stunning entrance sis and realise that this entire party is themed around you, I’m gonna be so mean and say that he doesn’t even know that she’s arrived because he’s up to his own antics in another part of this house which won’t trash itself lol, despite the fact he has shamelessly been waiting for her and we all know it]

Nancy: [not y’all going around this house avoiding each other lowkey lmao, there are 5 floors to be spread across, it’s easily done truly, and you are trying to actively get the place trashed so much to be done here, can’t send you the sims build I’m not fully done with but you come in the ground floor and it’s kitchen/dining and a little lounge bit with a little balcony with a table area on, you can then go down to the garden from said balcony where there’s more seating/bbq and the hot tub and then on the basement floor there’s a bigger more chill lounge and a bathroom and the sauna, 1st floor is his parent's room with its own little balcony street side/dressing room/ensuite, 2nd is his dad’s office space now but would’ve been Gia and James’ back in Nancy’s day and then 3rd floor is Teddy’s space with the ladder to the rooftop garden, just so you can kinda visualise, the hallways are non-existent ‘cos townhouse so you can’t loiter in them unless you’re fully blocking the stairs how is the cliche in party scenes lol]

Teddy: [thanks boo that is really helpful, I imagine the gambling is happening in the basement so that’s where he’d be spending most of his time because really hitting those poker tables to burn though cash is very his vibe when he’s upset, where do you think we should have them first encounter each other though, do we go balcony/rooftop garden so it’s a throwback to when they were on hers or somewhere entirely different, I have an idea of something he’d wanna do that needs them to be in his mother’s dressing room but that could happen later/he could take her there deliberately as opposed to an accidental meeting it doesn’t need to be first]

Nancy: [I’ll message you because logically she’d go to the 2nd floor and want to nose through James’ room like a massive snoop lmao but then she’ll get there and it’s evidently an office/not his room anymore ‘cos the dad has put in a bigger door with glass panes so you can see a bit before you come in, it also gives locked door so I will come at you now]

Nancy: Do you have the key to your dad’s office?

Teddy: [tell her where it is and remind her of all the codes you told her you know earlier]

Nancy: Am I then letting anyone come in or keeping them out? 

Teddy: Go ahead

Nancy: Once I’ve finished

Nancy: have you found someone to take the nudes of yet

Teddy: [hit her with some suggestions]

Nancy: Long as they’re 18+ and look like someone your dad might’ve fucked, doesn’t matter to me

Teddy: I understand the assignment, [someone] looks the most like my sister

Nancy: Awh 💘

Teddy: I’ll track her down, enjoy your office tour

Nancy: If I find his cache of porn do you want me to go straight to the police or are you down to be traumatised

Teddy: I doubt he’s added anything new since I last found it that would leave me traumatised

Nancy: Hm, can’t be all of it then

Teddy: He’s just a bore, don’t get your hopes raised

Nancy: If he was just a bore, would you even bother trying to destroy him

Teddy: He’s still my father, unworthy adversary though he unfortunately also is & continues to prove himself to be

Nancy: I’m not sure why I’m bothering if you’re so unphased then

Teddy: I didn’t ask you to

Nancy: Um, yes you did

Teddy: Did not, the situation’s in hand

Nancy: What?

Teddy: You think I don’t realise what compelled you to go to that specific part of the house? 

Nancy: You said we were gonna go through all his files, see what we could find

Teddy: & yet, you went exploring without me

Nancy: 🤴🏼 with a court to play to, you’re clearly busy

Teddy: You’re clearly preoccupied with your own mission, thwarted as you’ve ultimately sadly been by daddy dearest’s lack of sentimentality

Nancy: It’s not my mission, what do I care about your daddy

Teddy: You care about my brother & I’m in no mood to entertain the pretence of you being unaware where his room used to be

Nancy: Yeah obviously this is where we’d hang out when we came over, do you think I’m trying to keep that from you, I have no reason to

Teddy: You have no reason to pretend you’re doing something to benefit me

Nancy: Just because you’ve changed your mind on what you want

Nancy: how was I supposed to know that

Teddy: You’re supposed to know he doesn’t want to hang out with you any more, he couldn’t have spelled it out any more obviously, horrifically disabled or not

Nancy: He wasn’t about to be in his childhood bedroom, Teddy

Teddy: Which makes the entire facade all the more tragic

Nancy: There is no facade, idiot

Teddy: I know how your mind works

Nancy: You don’t

Teddy: You wish you were that much of an enigma, darling

Nancy: Not really

Nancy: but you don’t know anything more than anyone else does, don’t feel special

Teddy: That makes two of us, you’re no different than every other simpering fool who stands next to me hoping for an introduction because they want to fuck him

Nancy: Grow up, for God’s sake, tonight’s the night for it

Teddy: Ladies first, time’s rather running out for you

Nancy: I know James, and I know you’re not close, hanging out with you would do literally nothing to help my case but sure, you’re not paranoid or anything, all makes logical sense

Teddy: You aren’t known for making logical sense, I suppose it must be beyond you given your limitations

Nancy: Oh piss off and enjoy your party, I’m so done with you

Teddy: Gladly 🥂

Teddy: [okay he’s on the balcony with a specific girl, not his gf because she is a flop and I’m sure has fled in shame, but someone he’s clearly flirting with and someone that Nancy doesn’t like for whatever petty reason because it’s always more about her than whoever this random is]

Nancy: [oh you two, so ridiculous, like bitch you should go home or not have come if you were gonna be in this mood yet here we are and still are, you were probably heading down to the garden/basement level because the most debauched shit would naturally be occurring there because there’s a hot tub and sauna lol and the stairs down from this balcony are like… metal grate, if that makes sense? There’s probably a better word but you know, industrial vibes and like a thousand girls before you, your heel is clearly getting stuck in said grate and you’re nearly plummeting to your death (not really but it’s honestly quite dangerous lol) so you then have to sit yourself down on the top step blocking everyone’s way and throw your shoes down below fully not caring if you clonk someone upside the head]

Teddy: [when you were literally about to kiss this girl but then you hear all those shenanigans and you literally tell her to go away to her face from that leaned in to kiss proximity, how savage, and then get up and go to help Nancy up like the absolute gentleman you are not, pulling her to her feet in such a hot move like there you go, so instead y’all are in close proximity]

Nancy: [you were probably trying to strut past in such an idgaf way with your head held high and that’s lowkey why you tripped so you’re here scowling at him even though it would’ve pleased you greatly that the random girl got told to gtfo for whatever minor crime you do not like her for before this night, pushing him aside so you can claim one of the seats here and get out a cigarette angrily]

Teddy: [catch him looking down at her so affectionately like oh you when she’s scowling as if she’s smiling at him because it will make her angrier, this boy SO tall now cos she doesn’t have shoes on now, likewise letting her push him aside when he could easily stand his ground because he’s amused, taking the seat closest to her which has probably been pulled even closer for the flirting you and this girl were doing so you’re as much in her grill as you could be, letting her light this cigarette but then reaching over and stealing it before she can take the first drag, you taking it instead, very smugly blowing smoke at her]

Nancy: [when you’re fully aware just how amused and smug he is and is going to be and nothing could piss you off more, literally gritting your teeth as you refuse to look at him like he’s not in your face the way he is, crossing your arms so you don’t smack him when he takes this cigarette, balling up your fists like an angry toddler ‘have it, your gifts are being returned’ because I imagine you only gave him the flowers and balloons and general bday stuff like that in the car because y’all got distracted and maybe you were planning to do a big gifting moment]

Teddy: [mhmm, he’s being insufferable rn, literally loling as she gets angrier because it’s the exact reaction he wanted obvs, but reaching and putting this cigarette between her lips in another hot move because her arms are crossed and she can’t stop him ‘why not regift them to James, perhaps he’ll loosen up enough to be temporarily interested in you’ because the only gift he’s thinking of is the drugs he asked her to get]

Nancy: [when spitting this lit cigarette in his face clearly crosses your mind but you want to smoke it so you refrain, just about lol, shaking your head and taking a BIG drag, freeing a hand to hold this cigarette as you exhale shakily because you’re enraged ‘I’d buy James nicer things’ just saying you’ve bought him crap, whatever it is and is undoubtedly not but you’ve got to give back here, flicking ash all over this table, which in-game had a tablecloth on so making nice burn marks in that/otherwise ruining it]

Teddy: [when you know that impulse exists and your eyes are daring her to do it because you are a chaos demon and you will always encourage her to be her most unhinged regardless of whether or not you’re the one in the firing line and at risk, shaking his own head dismissively when she does not because disappointed by it, taking his drink off said table and reclining in this chair like a cat as he drinks it until she’s almost starting a fire and then he’s pouring it out onto the table cloth as if to prevent said fire but really he’s just adding to the mess because it’s the fancy red wine his parents were saving, obvs, and will stain ‘naturally’ as he lazily pours this wine all over the table, said exactly like duh, he’s your fave and you LOVE him]

Nancy: [raising a brow like a fire is too far, is it? Scoffing under your breath because if you shake your head again we’ll be stuck in this disapproval loop because you’re both salty, we get it ‘did you have an argument?’ you aren’t making it clear you’re talking about his girlfriend but if anything wouldn’t be all over social media it would be y’all have a private row and she wants to know all the tea]

Teddy: [touching her stunning wig in response because a fire is too far in the sense that he’s suggesting it would be highly flammable and he doesn’t want her to get hurt ‘did who and I have an argument?’ because genuinely has forgotten all about that because it was earlier and the amusement has passed]

Nancy: [pushing his hand away because such a dramatic costume now to be fuming in and you feel like you got tricked too even though it is not the same and that poor girl got humiliated ‘your bride, the last one’ like not the girl who just left hun, keep up]

Teddy: [‘oh her’ saying her like the word has left a bad taste in his mouth like ew disgusting but everything else about him is amused remembering her horrible humiliation ‘she had the good sense to dutifully run along, in character to the bitter end’ because he literally doesn’t care about her enough to have an argument, he would’ve been so dismissive and gaslighty we know the exact vibes]

Nancy: [doing a slight smirk as you’re looking off into the distance, remembering all the shit you saw online that was shaming enough and envisioning the rest ‘a backbone isn’t going to grow in overnight’ shrugging, like of course she ran and cried, no sympathy to be found here]

Teddy: [doing a dismissive wave of his hand ‘I’ll send her [a literal gift someone gave you that you don’t want, you making it clear it’s an unwanted gift by literally telling her who it was from, putting them on blast for their bad taste]’ he’s such a bitch we love it]

Nancy: [‘if she accepts that or an apology she may as well just off herself now before someone else does’ such disdain because it’s giving victim sweetie, don’t make your future man murder you by being a doormat vibes, stubbing this cigarette out aggressively, making a proper hole right in the middle on this tablecloth]

Teddy: [him just loling at the idea of her getting murdered, this poor girl ‘I don’t offer apologies for other people’s mistakes’ pointedly because you think she owes you one out of the two of you for her James thirst]

Nancy: [facing him for literally the first time since y’all sat down, to look him up and down like excuse me? Because we owe you no apology, are you mad lol]

Teddy: [sitting forward in his own seat which he’s previously been reclining in such an OTT way in, to LOOK at her from the proximity that is so ridiculous their faces would almost be touching, I’m sure their knees definitely are]

Nancy: [pointedly looking down again like is there any need for THAT but you aren’t moving, just engaging in a not-so-casual staring contest now ‘if you have something to say’ like be in my face some more boy, what is it lol]

Teddy: [just reaching out and touching her face because there’s so much cake being deliberately thrown around we can say that she has some on her cheek for that cliche and the throwback because obviously once he wipes it off with his finger it’s going into his mouth, as though this is all casual and he’s just helping her out again like he did when she fell]

Nancy: [‘I’m aware who you are’ because the same boy who just did all that to that girl and doesn’t apologise is not just helping you out, giving give up the act but nevertheless, touching where he just touched your face as you watch him]

Teddy: [‘you aren’t’ giving when she said you don’t to him saying he knows how she thinks, because we all know there’s no act here and he genuinely treats her different, sitting back to recline again, sitting with his legs crossed so that their knees are deliberately no longer touching]

Nancy: [parroting his you wish you were that much of an enigma line back to him because fuck you, no we don’t and fuck you for moving away, getting up to leave, which in this damn dress, would take a moment to gather yourself]

Teddy: [‘I wish you understood’ which could be giving him calling her stupid and horrifically disabled again but he genuinely just means it because wants her to realise how much he likes her and how upset he is by the James of it all, hence at least some of that is in his tone with how quietly he’s saying it]

Nancy: [and that’s on insecurity baby, because if you thought you were good enough, you wouldn’t assume this was all just a game, like yeah he has form and there’s a degree of not falling for something when it’s obvious but still, hence the ‘sorry I’m SO stupid’ comes out as defence naturally]

Teddy: [‘no, Nancy’ because she isn’t and he doesn’t believe it it’s just the easiest cheapest shot and sometimes you’ve gotta take it, saying this like it’s a fact she is not and he can’t be argued with]

Nancy: [‘not even my brother says it as much as you’ like you better tell yourself because you’re the one who says it, doing an exasperated laugh]

Teddy: [‘you don’t get under his skin as much as mine’ taking her arm like she’s still gonna go and he has to stop her from doing so, walking his fingers up it as far as her costume will allow as he says this, as if he’s gonna tickle her under her arm or something when he gets there because she annoys him so much, but doesn’t, putting that same hand on her lower back then as if he’s gonna guide her back to him, but just leaving it there]

Nancy: [‘he’s not here’ meaning in London but also in a way at this party because at some point he would have been but that’s a long time ago at this one, looking at your arm for some trace of cake crumbs or some reason/excuse he has to be doing this but there is none, the intake of breath when he leaves his hand on your lower back ‘it’s very expensive’ as if he’s about to rip up this dress/it’s not already trashed from the party exploits you’ve been up to]

Teddy: [a lil nod which she may or may not see because she’s looking at her arm and it’s almost imperceptible, but he likewise feels like he’s been abandoned by both his siblings so he gets it ‘yes, it is’ exactly giving the cliche of it’s beautiful from that queen charlotte scene because I MUST, fully LOOKING her over for the first time because he missed her big entrance]

Nancy: [she knows you get it because I was going to say neither is yours but it sounds like you’re just gutted about the fact so I could not lol ‘It’s what you wanted’ because the theme is giving money money money of course but he also told her what costume to wear]

Teddy: [it’s missing something, however’ as my idea strikes him, taking her hand ‘come with me’ just shamelessly handholding and leading her through this house until they get to his mother’s dressing room and the jewellery safe therein, opening it because ofc he knows the code, taking out the blingiest necklace of all time that fully does look like one Marie Antoinette or queen Charlotte would wear and putting it on her, because I vibe that it’s one his mum wore when she married his dad thus he needs it to be ‘stolen’ because fuck that man, you can’t tell me this isn’t a sorry, literally gifting her the wedding necklace, it’s a declaration of love]

Nancy: [my boo says my time to shine flops, step aside, and she’s so right for that, have your moment, even though I don’t feel like you understand that he wants you to keep it, you’d still LOVE getting to try it on because it’s clearly expensive af and he’ll have to put it on for you which is always an intimate moment, look at it/yourself in the mirror, touching it very delicately]

Teddy: [me knowing that there were girls and gays in here (because packed to the rafters is very much the point and he invited everyone he could think of for that exact reason) who were mid trying on his mother’s clothes and are thus half or fully naked but he’s fully still also telling to go away so they can have this moment alone because gotta be done, similarly could not have picked a more expensive or more sentimental piece, iconic moves being made here, LOOKING at her in the mirror from where he stayed after fastening this necklace, resting his head on her shoulder ‘do you like it?’ the way he’s asking to mean enough that you wanna keep it forever and always but that isn’t made clear]

Nancy: [when you wouldn’t even register those people because that type of girly who is never alone if she can help it so does not care who is around but we WILL register him kicking them out because he wants to be alone with us, stroking his hair how you do when he’s placed his head on your shoulder, turning our head to the side to see this necklace in a different light ‘how old is it?’ because it’s giving heirloom, as most really expensive shit does, because can’t just give you a straight answer straight away even though we clearly like it]

Teddy: [give her the tea, because it clearly is an heirloom going back however many generations because lowkey all your mother’s jewellery is, she’s that bitch, also tell her the carats of the diamonds and gold or whatever metal this is because your mother has obvs told you these things, likewise telling her how much it’s insured for, adding a ‘but it’s priceless to her’ without telling her the story of when your mum wore it because the wedding upsets you so you don’t wanna, saying all of this basically into her neck because we can be kind and say it’s the side where her giant lovebite is, why not ‘which is why I want you to have it’]

Nancy: [stroking his hair with progressively more affection as he talks, not just because wealth turns you on although clearly it does but because even you can’t deny that this is a gesture and not just you playing dress-up here, your fingers going from being tangled up in his hair to tracing down his neck to where his lovebite is, pressing down with some of the !! you aren’t expressing beyond on your face in this mirror because can’t control that fully ‘I did think you were going to dress me up as her’ like lol your mummy issues because we don’t know where to begin with saying anything sincere so we cannot]

Teddy: [going back to this safe with a mischievous grin like okay I shall, dragging out all the other jewellery so chaotically that we don’t care some of it is ending up on the floor forgotten about ‘what else would you like to try on?’ because we can make a game of this if you like sis, no fucks given]

Nancy: [it’s giving Casino when he gets her all the jewels and she’s just got ‘em all out on the bed like a child and we LOVE to see it, getting on said floor to look at everything and take your time to decide ‘is this why you like jewellery?’ whilst you’re still going through and holding things against yourself/up to the light, because clearly there is A LOT]

Teddy: [I still haven’t seen it and I need to ‘no one would ask you why you like jewellery’ like expensive jewellery is expensive jewellery ofc I stan, giving I like boys for the same reason you like boys but he’s in too good of a mood to feel hate crimed rn, plus we all know she’s so right and it is a reason, catch him likewise getting the vintage expensive af real fur coats out and throwing them at her feet too because clearly these interrupted girls and gays didn’t get that far it’s a very big and fully stocked walk in wardrobe]

Nancy: [‘you wear more than me’ because not hate criming you, you are that bitch lol but we’re smiling so you know we are still accepting your answer, plus you have fur coats to roll around in and be horrified at how soft they are because that’s the flex of expensive furs from poor chinchillas and whatnot, eugh]

Teddy: [‘tonight we’ll be about even’ as if she’s gonna put on all this jewellery at once and that’s a match for how much you’re wearing because lowkey it’s not far off he’s very much as many rings as he can fit on his fingers + necklace(s) coded, with a smile, that gets bigger as she rolls around in these fur coats because she’s adorable and we love her, meanwhile you twisting your hand to let whatever new ring you got for your bday from your mother catch the light because so expensive undoubtedly]

Nancy: [laugh like okay yeah ‘challenge accepted’ because it would be, some of this old stuff is probably so heavy, you’d be physically weighed down lol and you’re already in a massive dress so good luck ‘I could hide loads under this thing’ at said giant dress like you’re about to try and steal all of this, touching THE wedding necklace absentmindedly, smiling bigger at him because you can tell it’s new from the way he is twisting his hand in that half self-conscious way you do when something is new, so you’re glad that someone got him something nice like that]

Teddy: [going and grabbing as many expensive af handbags as you can carry and beginning to fill them with this jewellery haphazardly like lol no need you can have these as your loot bags to carry it all away but getting distracted by an earring he finds so searching for its other, even if that means dumping all the jewellery out of these bags again, which it deffo do, and then, in a lovely contrast to earlier when he pulled her earring out, putting these in, it’s SUCH an intimate moment, bye]

Nancy: [the way so much of this will go genuinely missing because this party is feral and posh people love to steal lol, soz not soz huns; y’all here and now though, having this intimate as hell moment like it’s nothing and nbd and you aren’t having FLASHBACKS to the before with that earring, when he’s done, pulling the hand with the new ring down from your ear to have a closer look/to hold his hand in this soft manner]

Teddy: [mhmm and he knows that/it was very much the goal but nevertheless he can’t help being sentimental especially about the jewellery cos it’s all heirlooms and his mother’s side of the family means something to him so as much as this dress up is fun and games he is genuinely also giving her a pick of it before it gets stolen because he’d rather she has it than the randoms (though I’m sure if there’s anything he wants to keep for those sentimental reasons and giving it to the future daughters he doesn’t know he’ll have yet, he’ll slip it into his pockets/somewhere safe because he’s being deliberately reckless and destructive but he’s not an idiot), with the hand she is not holding, touching the necklace as softly ‘it suits you better’ because you’ve seen your mum’s wedding photos and can do that comparison] 

Nancy: [you do have the literal safe for the stuff you wanna keep, don’t worry boy, the rest of the house is free game though; not you blushing at this, like dramatically so and feeling like the heat is radiating off your face, shhing him like stop it you]

Teddy: [doing his usual cheek kisses, really lingering over the blush because can never pretend he didn’t see it ‘what did you get me?’ in her ear just because, as a whisper because she shhed him]

Nancy: [tilting your head back into his chest to look up at him, biting your lip ‘do you still want it?’ also as a whisper though there’s no need, just matching energy]

Teddy: [rubbing his thumb across her bottom lip in such a deliberate throwback to when we all remember he did it across her clit in the car, likewise no need but he must because the ‘yes’ is about so much more than these gifts, he clearly still wants her so much]

Nancy: [playfully giving his thumb a little bite because we do remember and we’re not okay with it, making a grumpy lil noise about it too ‘you’re not going to regift it’ said like you better fucking not lol]

Teddy: [not you pushing her back so she’s fully lying on this pile of fur coats, putting his head under her skirts of this ridiculous costume as he says ‘where are they?’ as if she’s hidden his gifts under there and they’ve been there the whole time, but then when he’s under there, ofc doing the thigh lovebite he owed her on the other side as if in response to not finding said gifts]

Nancy: [good thing you can now hide in these skirts because you’ll be redder than you were, giggling like omg get out without ever actually telling him to really, opening your mouth to say something but then he bites you and you have to clamp it shut so you don’t make a NOISE ‘you’re so impatient’ as if it is about the gifts, trying to get him out and smooth these skirts back down out of your face but you’re flustered so it’s taking a sec]

Teddy: [his hands fully PINNING her to the floor where she is when she tries to free herself from these shenanigans, holding her hips so dramatically ‘tell me’ and beginning to kiss her thighs as dramatically as if only doing so to try and force her to reveal where these gifts are, upping the ante when she doesn’t immediately spill that location by kissing and mouthing at her through her underwear in such a deliberate way, nuzzling his face into her likewise as if they’ll be there]

Nancy: [making a noise of frustration, as if you were genuinely trying to escape and he has thwarted you, not being able to see a damn thing over this dress so you can’t see what he’s going to do next until he’s doing it and you feel it ‘I can’t’ shaking your head as something you say SO indecently even though you could, you’re just not going to now]

Teddy: [‘I’ve waited hours’ because he has for her and that’s what really matters no offence these gifts which he ofc also wants, each word being punctuated by increasingly feral behaviour obvs, doing the absolute most with his tongue in an exact re-creation of his thumb before but each time not stopping at just once]

Nancy: [‘you said you wouldn’t’ because when he waited for her to come back from Theo’s that time and was like I don’t do that and I won’t again, blurting this out so you don’t take an embarrassingly long time over it]

Teddy: [‘you said I shouldn’t’ because all day she’s been like don’t wait for me enjoy your party etc and he’s hated it, emphasis on the you with how he says it and how he GRIPS her hips harder like he’s SO mad about this anew]

Nancy: [‘you shouldn’t’ even though you can feel how hard he’s gripping you because you stand by it ‘but you did’ running your heel up his calf because can only reach him so many ways in this POV to express yourself]

Teddy: [take a sec to bite her other thigh so they are matching because you’re so !!, no notes]

Nancy: [whimpering slightly and doing the same but your other heel and his other calf so you can wrap you legs around him ‘I told myself this wasn’t going to happen again’]

Teddy: [‘what makes you think that’s your decision?’ indecently because he literally has her PINNED rn and he can do whatever he wants, making that even more obvious by moving her underwear to the side with his mouth and sticking his tongue into her like he always does her ear]

Nancy: [the ‘fuck’ being reflexive and SO genuine, couldn’t be more about it if she tried, pushing you into us harder with our feet, even though we’re saying ‘don’t you like them?’ as if he’s moving the underwear because he hates them, because he asked you to wear white]

Teddy: [taking that fuck as an instruction and really giving it his all with no fucks given that there are people literally everywhere and a new bunch of randoms could wander in here at any given moment ‘it’s as if you know exactly what I like’ because how it feels, she’s been getting everything so right when he’s used to peeps flopping]

Nancy: [we know you didn’t lock that door, something you should be thinking about girl but are you, nope, not at all ‘you still haven’t seen the presents’ like maybe they suck lol but your laugh is devolving into a straight up MOAN ‘I missed you’ because being apart turned into many more hours than necessary ‘cos y’all were fighting]

Teddy: [he isn’t either, not one thought other than doing the MOST ‘so show me what you’ve got for me’ but entirely said like her orgasm is the gift because only going harder/acting like these gifts are inside her and he’ll find them with his mouth]

Nancy: [reaching for and finding one of his hands to put it on your chest because you’re DYING but also you’re in a corset of some description undoubtedly so you’re finding it doubly hard to breathe and your chest will be HEAVING]

Teddy: [keeping hold of her hand and SQUEEZING it to the point those rings will be digging into her because he loves his attention being drawn to how hard it is for her to breathe and how likely she is to pass out if he carries on how he is and clearly he isn’t stopping]

Nancy: [‘so it’s like that’ like I SEE as if you’re fuming and not excited at the prospect, SQUEEZING his hand right back]

Teddy: [‘I missed you too’ barely coherently because of his antics but gotta say it because did]

Nancy: [‘hmm?’ like you didn’t hear and don’t just wanna make him say it again/struggle to say it]

Teddy: [when you refuse to say it again but you do a hot lol which will feel nice for her anyway]

Nancy: [laughing with him even if your laugh sounds unhinged because of the sensations you are experiencing right now ‘you will’ like I can and will get you to say it again later]

Teddy: [doing such a big grin she’d probably be able to tell, before doing a shh more for the sensation it’ll give than because he actually wants her to ever]

Nancy: [smiling back even though he can’t see it, purely because of how big he just grinned and you love it for him but now you gotta try very hard to shh which is going to make you even more lightheaded nbd]

Teddy: [‘I could drink you as easily as [a very specific and expensive ref which is giving when he said she was aging like a fine wine, could not be a bigger compliment for the type of people they are and the type of booze he’s comparing her to tasting like and something he enjoys as much]’ letting her hear this coherently because she’s being well behaved and deserves a compliment, love that it’s giving Alice drink me vibes too tbh]

Nancy: [‘I got you some’ like by some twist of fate he has got you to give up one of the gifts here because definitely a safe present and thus one you went for, gasping for air from saying a whole sentence because seriously that out of breath here ‘be gone now’ as something you’re panting more than speaking because there’s 0 chance a bottle bag has been left unopened lol]

Teddy: [‘really?’ when that does feel so weirdly fated that you have to stop what you’re doing and free her from her skirt prison temporarily to LOOK at her with heart eyes and then kiss her which does mean that it’ll be even harder to breathe because of not only the kiss but the way he’s lying on her when he does as if she’ll move if she isn’t once again pinned]

Nancy: [just nodding because need to preserve your oxygen but the facial expression with is giving dead serious/would not lie about this because not that girly to try and make things seem a way when they aren’t, still, however much you should chill, can’t resist kissing him back dramatically, pulling him into you like you’re not pinned to the floor and you could be closer]

Teddy: [‘thank you, Nance’ so sincerely like the verbal equivalent of his heart eyes a sec ago, each word in between kisses because of the makeout sesh this is becoming before he’s then kissing her neck too, first on the lovebite side, alternating between soft almost trying to kiss it better kisses and dramatic !! going over it ones, ofc then eventually switching to the other side and putting a matching lovebite there to echo what he did with her thighs, all the while dry humping her harder into the floor because they love that]

Nancy: [doing the smile he couldn’t see earlier at him again, into this makeout, because he’s so cute and you’d lowkey be stressing about buying him a gift, worrying it wouldn’t be good enough but he’s being so appreciative and also still doing the most ‘you look handsome in your costume’ because haven’t commented on his look and feeling SO rude for it now you can see him again]

Teddy: [‘it’s for you’ because this whole party theme highkey is ‘you so badly wanted to try and blend in’ the try being emphasised because like he said earlier she can’t and never will because he thinks she’s so bomb, moving down to kiss her boobs as they are peeping over this dress and corset, her chest forever heaving so he’s resting his head there to listen too while he’s nuzzling in ‘since I could tell how important being incognito was to you, I just had to give you the best chance’]

Nancy: [echoing his ‘really?’ because can’t believe he would do that for you, properly LOOKING him all over and touching every detail of this fit you possibly could to be also touching him all over ‘you didn’t just think you’d look hot in tights and work from there?’ all this being said on an in-breath so it’s kinda whispered because less taxing, smirking at him and giving the top of his ears little bites ‘cos he’s nuzzling into your chest ‘very’ with a pointed look towards the door because you’re playing with fire right now on that score, as you have just remembered]

Teddy: [nodding which she’ll feel from where his head still is, doing a mhmm sound against her skin for extra emphasis ‘how offensive, I’d look hot in anything’ grazing his teeth across her skin as if he’s gonna give her another love bite cos fuming but he isn’t actually so doesn’t, raising his head slightly but still keeping his chin resting on her chest ‘obviously, there was the unavoidable, off with their heads, fuck you, element directed at mummy and daddy, but above all, I care about you’ deliberately phrasing it like that because she said it wasn’t like him to care but he does, ignoring her look towards the door and just intensely LOOKING at her to let what he has said hit]

Nancy: [‘you’re just a romantic’ meant to be more teasing than it is because honestly he is being with you and that’s just facts, still, tickle under his chin to show how you intended it, as you’ve bent your head closer to his to do this, whisper in his ear ‘you know what I’m gonna say about that?’]

Teddy: [shaking his head to shake off her tickling of him because we all remember when he announced he was ticklish, letting his hair tickle her though because it will be in disarray at this point of the night I am sure however carefully he era appropriately quiffed it to go with his costume, reaching out and so gently touching the earrings he put in for her earlier while she whispers in his ear ‘say it’ said almost as quietly] 

Nancy: [pulling your head away like stop it you rascal before giving him some gentle headbutt nudges to stop him/get closer again ‘you shouldn’t’ LOOKING at him because always, should’ve seen that one coming]

Teddy: [a smile because that’s what she always says and yet, here they are unrepentant ‘but I do’ LOOKING back at her as he fixes her frankly insane wig from whatever disarray that’s in]

Nancy: [mouthing ‘stop it’ at him but you’re still LOOKING at him, maintaining this eye contact as you work out how you can touch him in his costume, which will be undoubtedly easier than yours but still doing it without looking is a feat]

Teddy: [doing his own hmm? As if he couldn’t possibly work out what she mouthed there when he obviously can he just doesn’t want to stop ever, that turning into a noise when she touches him though because she hasn’t that much so far]

Nancy: [shhing him but absolutely for the hmm and not the noise that follows, shifting your body up against him so there’s only just room for you to be touching him but also his head will be fully on your chest again so he can feel how insanely your heart is beating]

Teddy: [pressing his ear against her chest so seriously to listen to this like it’s telling him some juicy goss he absolutely must know, and likewise pressing his entire body as dramatically into hers because loves how !! her heart is]

Nancy: [heart eyes at this as you’re grasping to do more, be more extra with it immediately because need to make him as !! as you right now, tilting his head up from this position so you can spit into his mouth, taking your time with it and then pressing his mouth shut so he knows he has to swallow]

Teddy: [obediently doing the most extra af swallow possible while touching her throat and therefore also this necklace which would be shining absolutely insanely under the lighting in here, gently at first but then doing a little squeeze because making it even harder for her to breathe is forever the goal]

Nancy: [when you’re trying finding it hard to breathe at this point and your eyes are fluttering like am I about to faint, am I gonna go, gripping onto him hard because you’re fighting it]

Teddy: [could not be more into it, has never given this much complete concentration to anything the way he is watching her eyes flutter as he slowly chokes her to the point of unconsciousness, if his parents and teachers could see him now lol ‘you want to stay with me, I know’ with such good girl energy]

Nancy: [my boo says so proud lmao, putting your hand over his, as if you might be about to pull him off you but you don’t and it’s just resting there, adding slightly more pressure if anything, making a rasping sound right from your throat, like you might be trying to say something but you cannot, looking at him fully 🥺 through dazed eyes]

Teddy: [it’s just a handhold, we know and we love to see it, hence him pressing his lips to her hand, kissing it like this is a gentlemanly costume era appropriate gesture and he isn’t also just adding slightly more pressure himself, giving her the biggest heart eyes he has ever done while he’s doing it because hers are losing focus anyway so we can pretend they weren’t as intense as they were if we need to, doing another bigger, hmm? about the sound she made like he’s trying to understand it and isn’t just doing a bigger noise with it ‘what is it, baby? Tell daddy what’s wrong’ as he shifts his body weight even more onto her so she cannot breathe]

Nancy: [making the unavoidable mistake of trying to GASP when he lies his weight on you and it’s too much and you’re gonna fully pass out, at least you’re already on the ground because it is a dramatic and complete loss of consciousness occurring]

Teddy: [thank god for those soft fur coats she’s lying on truly, meanwhile he’s so amused, looking at her like oh you what are you like, before he cannot resist doing the most to wake her back up, catch him pinching her nipple v hard, slapping her even harder right on those thigh lovebites, just being a nuisance like this is one of their playfights and he’s in his annoying bored lil brother persona, slapping her across the face ultimately, of course, which is dangerous given how many rings he is wearing, you’re gonna accidentally cut her sir]

Nancy: [another cinematic GASP at this slap that wakes you up, pushing him away though it will be far more feeble than you would like it to ideally be because you’re still gonna be weak as hell but you need to get up immediately and get out of this damn corset, which Ava must have had to help you into because you cannot do it alone so you are just giving him daggers right now like help me get this thing off]

Teddy: [‘you needed a nap’ as he ignores her feeble struggles and holds her face to lick away the blood he’s caused like a little cat ‘but I got awfully lonely and bored’ added like oh no I guess I’m not a good father after all lol lol, grinning at the daggers she’s throwing but helping her up ‘stop it, allow me’ and finally actually helping her get free which is so much more saucy and intimate than when your sister who you hate is doing it haha]

Nancy: [back to being furious at him just scowling and doing your best to bat him away which is not enough because you’re in no state lol, still at least he finally frees you from this corset prison and you can take some real breaths and get back to vaguely normal here, enough to say ‘I hate you’ so petulantly]

Teddy: [‘no you don’t’ as he’s so softly kissing every single indent on her skin that this corset left, again really concentrating so he doesn’t miss a single one, like this is such an important job]

Nancy: [looking at these scratch and slap marks that are both on your face right now in the mirror you’re in front of and pouting ‘yes I do, so much’ but you’re watching him and doing a BIG sigh]

Teddy: [only when he’s done kissing every inch of her he needs to, sitting her down at his mother’s dressing table, wherever that may be and chaotically scooping up with a sweeping hand gesture, like when someone dramatically sweeps everything off a desk or a counter but towards them if you get what I mean, every expensive af product that’s on the top of it indiscriminately like idk but there, we can fix it, wandering to this en-suite then and finding cotton wool balls and some kind of antibacterial cream etc etc and bringing them back and once again holding her face like when he licked it but lovingly cleaning it instead ‘this is going to sting’ because I imagine some kind of liquid tcp moment which really do ‘be very brave’ as he’s dabbing this on]

Nancy: [‘you’re not that gay, I see’ rolling your eyes at this chaotic product push, half of which I’m sure are not at all relevant but still we’re being nosy and seeing what your mother uses like hm, just judging her choices and getting inspo whilst he goes off to the ensuite to get the useful shit; not you shaking your head when he’s coming at you, making this even more of a drama than it needs to be because no, shan’t be brave ‘you’re torturing me and I will scream’]

Teddy: [mhmm it’s 100% giving perfume and things that will be no use whatsoever but there’s drawers she can go through, fill your boots girl, meanwhile, when he comes back and she’s being purposely difficult, which he LOVES, catch him HOLDING her face harder to keep it still and in so doing putting his hand over her mouth in such a hot move ‘go ahead’]

Nancy: [biting the palm of his hand ferally because it would take some effort to achieve this but you must because of course you aren’t going to scream, you’re meant to be on the down-low and not about to draw attention to this little scene]

Teddy: [the NOISE he would make, iconic, thankfully this is an out of control party because he isn’t keeping y’all on the down low with that reaction, soz not soz it’s completely uncontrollable though because he’s just so into everything she does]

Nancy: [and thank god everyone has their own chaos to cause, even if eventually we will cockblock you by someone/some peeps coming to look for the birthday boy, for now, however, just grinning at him for the first time since you came back ‘round and chose violence]

Teddy: [literally almost toppling this dressing table stool or chair over because he’s so !! he absolutely must sit down with her on it, a lil moment like musical chairs where there’s almost another full blown playfight about it but pulling her into his lap so they both fit more comfortably, LOOKING into the mirror at her grin, as he says her name in what’s supposed to only be another oh you/what am I gonna do with you kinda tone but there’s too much !! in it to be that casual]

Nancy: [y’all are definitely breaking some kind of delicate perfume bottle because ain’t no way, just being chaos demons but when you’re in his lap, cuddling in and nodding at your name like yeah, exactly ‘this is what you’re meant to be doing’ said like you’re taking the piss of any kind of softness but you want it as is evidenced by how you’re hiding under one of his arms]

Teddy: [you gotta, all the carnage possible, hence him picking up another perfume bottle and emptying it into whatever vase there is on this vanity holding whatever his mum’s fave flowers are in an expensive arrangement so said flowers will die ‘guess what she’s doing’ meaning said mother obvs because she’s booked and busy to not be here rn and he knows what she do be up to]

Nancy: [watching him like well that seems personal and pointed but we’re not saying anything obvs lol ‘mourning her loss, perhaps with some cosmetic procedures at a getaway medspa, I assumed’ because he’s not a baby anymore and she is of course devastated, we know that much about your dynamic]

Teddy: [nodding into this mirror with a smirk because exactly, picking up a lipstick and drawing on the glass the way surgeons do on people’s faces as he tells her what his mum is having done, cos she’s very much the kind of bitch who likes to pretend she’s had nothing but ofc she is now that she feels old]

Nancy: [raising your brows because although it was an educated guess you didn’t expect to be bang on, shaking your head like oh Amanda Seyfried ‘she should get a surrogate and replace you’ taking another lipstick and drawing xs over his eyes like RIP]

Teddy: [doing such an OTT offended face like HOW DARE YOU but so amused when he says ‘she can have a joint baby shower with Chlo, they’ll adore the shared limelight’ because still not over that scheme]

Nancy: [making a mhmm noise ‘have you even considered how devastated she’ll be that two of her sons decided to breed with that thing’ not a question because of course he has]

Teddy: [making his own mhmm noise back because yep and thank god because imagine if he did impregnate Chlo and nobody cared, coming at her with this lipstick but actually just applying it perfectly to her lips, a very intimate moment as per]

Nancy: [‘what are you going to think about?’ we mean when you are hypothetically impregnating Chlo but not clarifying, even if we could, which we cannot because have to be still whilst he’s applying our lipstick ‘Gia didn’t have barbies for you to steal’ as an observation to break the tension of this intimacy]

Teddy: [‘I told you, I’ll think about you’ because he literally said she’s the only one who could turn him on enough to be able to go through with that, soz not soz Chlo ‘and no’ with a noise like of course not ‘she doesn’t have a maternal bone in her body’ because literally said that to her too ‘or the imagination to make them fuck each other, it would unlock something’]

Nancy: [‘yes but you were lying’ so matter of factly but not sounding offended ‘you’re turned on by the premise, more than anything before, maybe’ like all the reasons you want to do this are enough to excite you, touching up the rest of your makeup whilst we’re here because the makeout would’ve fucked it all and you may as well ‘you poor thing’ saying this actually genuinely and not with the sarcasm usually employed with that phrase ‘younger brothers are much better than sisters, she has no idea’]

Teddy: [‘I was not’ as he’s touching the 2nd neck lovebite he did to match the 1st ‘nothing and no one turns me on more than you’ but if she thought these were just lines he doesn’t mean I wouldn’t blame her because he’s saying it very flippantly for how meaningful it is, likewise fixing his hair as she does her makeup]

Nancy: [‘you haven’t had the chance to fuck her yet, she changed her mind’ giving call me back when you’ve made it happen, looking at him via this mirror before your attention is drawn to some people outside the door being loud and sounding like they’re about to bust in, getting up not in a mad rush but quick enough to put one of these fur coats on and to be perusing the rails when they inevitably do bust their way in]

Teddy: [‘she’ll change it back and impregnating her will be a chore’ matter of factly because you don’t fancy Chlo and you never will but you’re nevertheless confident that this scheme will happen and pay off as you always are, him reclining so cat like in this chair when these peeps appear like oh hello, beckoning whoever is the most amusing (for whatever reason) over to him and kissing them hello on each cheek how he do but not at all like he does Nancy, practically air kisses, taking the drink from their hand and downing it like thank you you may go haha]

Nancy: [distracting yourself, however unsuccessfully, from just straight up watching this exchange by showing some of the other girls/gays in this circle the wild and expensive shit like look at this, try this on, getting them all preoccupied so you can slip out without it looking like they’ve showed and you’ve ran because nothing more obvious, throwing a little wave behind you that could be for the room but is directed purely at him]

Teddy: [blow a kiss at her shamelessly despite this boy or girl who failed to take your hint literally being mid flirt with you undoubtedly because you can do what you want and you couldn’t care less if everyone knows you fancy Nancy, you do, snatch up whatever necessary from the magpies that you wish to lock in the safe, do that and leave the rest as you likewise leave without giving a single fuck, go onto your parents balcony to look out at the street and see how many neighbours you have annoyed, I’m sure this random will follow you but at least you can address some of the tancy tension with them as a stand in because y’all didn’t get to actually fuck yet and you are the kind of exhibitionist who would on this balcony, let’s say it’s a very pretty and very gay boy for fun]

Nancy: [meanwhile you go down to the basement and into the sauna because yeah, neither of y’all finished so frustrations are running high, you can watch and proceed to join in with some gay shit for poetic reasoning because can say you know these guys are 18 plus so this will get talked about over anything else anyone might’ve thought they saw]

Teddy: [y’all are making smart moves, well done because likewise everyone will only be talking about these balcony antics and thinking he’s gay as usual, it’s a good smoke screen even if it blatantly won’t satisfy you anywhere near as much to the point of only reinforcing how much you like and want her and you’ll have to go and find some more drink and drugs, chill on the rooftop for a while as you wait for those to kick in]

Nancy: [smart but ultimately unfulfilling moves, you love to see it, I’m sure there are drugs and drink being passed around this sauna like that’s not dangerous and you’ve not already passed out once, going to go straight to your head sis, yet still get in this hot tub like what you need is more heat]

Teddy: [mhmm he should be having a lovely time throwing lots of his parents shit off the roof which is what peeps are clearly doing up here but he can’t help thinking about her constantly, hence I’m gonna have him message]

[gmarieluxuries]

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[allthemusic]

Week ending: 3 February 1955

Another two songs, both with some fairly generic titles compared to last week. That doesn't mean they're bad, per se, but I swear we've already had a song called Give Me Your Word (?). Ah, well, it looks like they at least both reached number 1, which, while not a guarantee of quality, is probably a guarantee that they're at least memorable.

Softly, Softly - Ruby Murray (peaked at No. 1)

Okay, perhaps what I said about being memorable was a little hasty. I'm writing this quite close to bedtime, and the overall effect of this song is pretty soporific. It's slow and seems to slow down as it goes down. Add to that the lullaby-like "softly, softly" refrain, and you've got a recipe for snoring.

It's not boring per se, but it's very deliberately gentle and inoffensive. I can imagine grandmothers everywhere finding this perfectly palatable - from the instrumentation, to the sentiment, to Ruby's very clear, generically British-sounding enunciation. It's genuinely a shock to learn that she was Northern Irish - not a touch of Belfast here!

There's a touch of Doris Day to the lyrics - in particular, it reminded me of If I Give My Heart to You as Ruby exhorts her love to "Handle me with gentleness / And say you'll leave me never". The only difference is that Doris has a slightly livelier style. I can't imagine this feeling quite so slow or gentle if Doris were singing it, even if it literally went at the same pace. She'd bring out the vulnerability of it all, or a sense of having been burnt already. Which I don't really get here, to be honest. It's not bad, but it's a much gentler, softer affair than it could have got off with being.

There really aren't many lyrics to this one, either - I'm looking at them, and they're shockingly thin on the ground. Really, it's a verse and a few lines of chorus that seem to have exactly the same tune and half of the same lines. Literally half the lines in the whole thing are "Softly, softly turn the key / And open up my heart". Which is a fine metaphor, I guess. It does the job and doesn't hang around too long.

Huh. Apparently this song was a French number originally, called "La Tamise et mon jardin" ("the Thames and my garden"), and was only adapted into English by an exec at the BBC. So at least it's a homegrown British affair, not some translation of an American original. And you know what, I can admire that.

Give Me Your Word - Tennessee Ernie Ford (1)

Well, after a homegrown British artist and song, Tennessee Ernie Ford has about the most American name possible. The song is pretty American too, though not as American as the other Tennessee Ernie Ford song that I know off the top of my head.

But I'm getting ahead of myself. For now, we've got Give Me Your Word, which, true to its title, starts big and dramatic with a massive string ramp-up. I feel like when we're getting into "solemn vow" territory, you kind of have to go big or go home. And Ernie definitely commits to the former.

Once the big old string intro is over, we get a dramatic, deep voice, proclaiming to his lover that they should "Give me your word / Your love will never die". It's quite the performance, all forceful and passionate, and its perfectly underscored by some rather classical-sounding piano and some strings lifted straight from a James Bond soundtrack. It's great, very melodramatic.

And then, once your attention is suitably grabbed, we drop into a warmer, slightly less intense rhythm with some bass going on. It's a little more chill, but the lyrics do not let up, with Ernie imploring his love to "Give me one hope to guide me" and other such intense clichés.

It's not quite explicitly steamy at any point, but I feel like lines like "Give me your lips / And let your lips remain" are certainly skirting a line. If nothing else, it's definitely hinting at some proper making out, which isn't something we've come across yet. So there's that, I guess. I mean, I could be reading too much into it, but I like the idea that we've hit our first song about snogging already, in 1955.

We seem to be then building to a classic Big Old Ending. In particular, Ernie hits the word "Alwaaaaaays" with enough vigour to sell it, before dropping down for "give me your word". It's terribly effective, especially after such a big opening, since it sort of flips how songs usually work. You open with a closing line, and that lets the song sort of peter out gracefully, with an orchestral swell and a glorious timpani roll, fading then into a thrill of flutes and a hazy sort of resolution that's lovely to listen to. More songs should end with a quieter line and then this sort of hazily unfinished cadence - genuinely! I think it's neat, what can I say?

Well, there's a clear winner for me this time round. As much as I love the narrative whereby the homegrown British favourite beats out the big, American, glitzy song, I just can't overlook the quality and sexy instrumentation in Ernie's song. So...

Favourite song of the bunch: Give Me Your Word

[zooterchet]

Andromeda Strain: Famous Nietzscheans

Boudica: Invented Irish Pancration, the grip of the body and the dislocation of the joints, with bare hands.

Hamilcar: Invented the Catholic priesthood, the police code as expected of criminals, therefore all civilians, unless pedophile, an informer or murderer of an informer, either a priest.

Hannibal: Invented the Italian ingenuity, the interbreeding of Africans with Europeans, both in the North, Italy, and the South, Africa, for the intermingling of tools, the invention of civilization of Africa.

Jesus: The first female sheriff, placed in the hands of the man, Marcus, the switch of housing, to create King James, the Jewish Kings of Europe; the ceding of the kings, to the Pontiff, Peter the Patriarch, actually Jezebel, the Joker, through son.

Gilles de Rais: The creation of the law of state, the woman as the matriarch if refusing such title and accepting law of state as battle, war; the creation of the play and title and tithe, as ignonomy, demanding to be a land baron to be taxed by play as Villain, the judge's pontiff; the magistrate's servant.

Hugh O'Neill: The theft of the Nicean Bible, printed in Turkish Steppes Altaic, the language you know as English. The creation of Belfast and North Ireland, as Gael, and Home Rule, as Britain, the Irish Republican Army; the guaranteed movement of souls, inwards, to Ireland, now Britain, through Irish spoils, under Essex, the proper Earl of Tyrone, not Hugh's claim through his mother.

Friedrich Nietzsche: The invention of the British Imperial Psychiatric, the Asylum; those having been born of blood of the Secret Intelligence Service, a Gentile of Noble born with a midget mother and normal size, both sides, as a Supervillain, placed into care of ideal ground by a pornography actress, MI-6, by family, an wealthy actor's daughter through housework as wife of one generation, planting the activation of an agent, the theft of a spy by natural fact and placement outside of police grounds, into Martyr's System, the Intifada; golf, unless unable to play, a Nazarene, the Hindu Spell, the Bondersman, a British Army of Irish claims, the Irish Republican Army; a taxes and stock man, Baccarat.

Heinz Heydrich: The placement of the comic book "Batman" into circulation, by use of Gestapo to deport Jews to America through Abwehr and Sinn Fein title, the Monarchy of the Black Parliament, Victorian England, manipulated to create the Irish Mafia, those against conscription orders of the American Tabernacle; Hitler's organization, through Mecca, within the American Bund, the Prosecutor's Guild. The limitation of the United States Marine Corps, to repeat the Pacific Theater, if following Prosecutor's orders.

Robert Oppenheimer: The use of the Barca poison, the B-Particle, a Neutrino, upon a lab sheet, to fashion a dinosaur urine, the uranium mound, and to place the bomb to make Americans unpopular, therefore feared, but only by Jews, those following the work of Nicolo Machiavelli, the false report of the Borgias and Absolution, the police demand of service if found in fraud; therefore, all fraudulent parties, politicians under cop service, will obey America, having devastated Japan with a poison to avoid sex with an overweight woman to bear child. Otherwise, sex with obesity, having lost the hymen to orgasmic semen, is imminent, a lesbian's bride.

Brian Halloran: The print of "The Big Lebowski", the pornography and sex tourism industry as "Treehorn", the pedophile's rules of state out of the Los Angeles Police Department, and related print; the prohibition of "Hawaii Five-O", and related prints, for relevance, and any such cop lures, through Frank Miller's humiliation, of airmen, as prohibited, pilots now considered refused of whores and pornography appearances, due to reasons of magazines written with preference of view being written as those viewing, the military now refused as homosexual motive to join, unless coming under influence of the Iranian sex doctor, the "Hebe", Whitey Bulger, membership in the Juan Peron organization.

David Charlebois: The use of the slur "faggot", on female sheriff's deputies, in Russian origin of territories for fact websites, to prohibit the Slavic intelligentsia term for both money and restaurant seating, "pussy"', as censored, requiring all Russians having robbed patents and poor into politics, to refuse to type proper term, for fear of Medvedev, own individual oppressed, however claiming Putin, the Jewish lollipop fortune of Russia and American children's finance as the foe; therefore, any refusing to censor food order, therefore hungry, as pedophiles in American business, in view of female sheriff's deputies, the German unions of deportation on unjust legislation of imprisonment for terms of film and gentry prohibition of entertainment to children in favor education of family police unit; otherwise ignored, by Americans, for library study, unless Trump supporter, a Russian philosophy, a pacifist muscle builder, a prison inmate.

[stephenjaymorrisblog]

Trump! The Movie!

(“Today’s news, is tomorrow’s movies.”)

Authur Lee 1967

Stephen Jay Morris

©Scientific Morality

8/20/23

Are we in historical times? We sure are! For the first time in history, a president of these United States is being prosecuted for crimes ranging from treason to rape!

Yes, I know. You have your own life to live, and your existence is the center of the universe. Well, take some time off from your miserable existence, and enjoy the show. After all, it’s free!

No matter how you feel about Trump—hate him or love him—you must confess, he is an historical figure. He is a very flawed human being, but not dull. Every demon has his/her fan club. This guy has people believing he was sent by God! Maybe God is not really that all-knowing or all-powerful. Or maybe he was just a prankster who sent him to punish America for being boastful. Best country in the world? Didn’t God create Israel? Didn’t he create ALL of the countries? Will there be Wal-Marts in heaven??

No matter how this Trump saga ends, it’s guaranteed that a movie will come out of it. A multi-billion dollar mega-hit. On second thought, though, a two hour feature may not be enough. It could turn out to be a multiple season series on Netflix or Max. But can you adequately portray a person’s entire life, even in a lengthy series? It would require at least 25 hours just to scratch the surface of his life.

You must begin with his childhood, then cover his school years, his relationship with his father and mother. The real estate era followed by his years in television. There are his failed businesses—he was bankrupt six times. His sexual relationships and failed marriages. His foray into politics and his campaign for the U.S. presidency. Of course, there was his four years as President, followed by his re-election campaign. There was the pro-Trump insurrection upon the Capitol on January 6, 2021. Still to come are the criminal trials for the 91-and-counting criminal indictments against him.  And through all of this, I haven’t even mentioned 50% of his life’s activities. Whew! Let me catch my breath! 1-2-3-4. Okay, back on track.

If Hollywood did opt to make a movie about Trump, the big question is…who would play him? All right, let me take a crack at it:  How about Jeff Goldblum? Bad choice. Remember, Trump is half Irish, and German! Jeff Goldblum is too Jewish. What about John Travolta? Look, since he didn’t get the part of Jim Morrison, portraying Trump would be a big feather in his cap! But the physicality and body type of this character would require a lot of prosthetics and make up. Travolta would be in makeup for hours! Jon Voight? Too old. Johnny Depp? Too young! How about the actor who played President LBJ on Broadway and in film: Bryon Cranston? Though a great character actor, his voice couldn’t imitate Trump’s. Daniel Day Lewis? Nope! Allegedly, Trump never drank alcohol. (It’s hard to believe he is half Irish!)

Well, my number one pick for playing Trump would be Alec Baldwin! He played Trump several times on the comedy sketch show, Saturday Night Live. He was almost perfect.

Here are a few more casting tips: Gary Busey should play Eric Trump. What about Melania? It’s a shame Eva Gabor is dead. Ivanka Trump? That’s Easy—Paris Hilton! Mary Trump? Well, the great Merly Streep! As for Donald Trump Jr., I think it would be a challenging role for Jon Hamm. As for Barron Trump: Justin Bieber. Who should play Rudy Giuliani? Quentin Tarantino! Enough of this casting stuff.

If this movie should come to fruition, it will cost billions of dollars. Who would finance this endeavor, George Soros Jr.? The Koch brothers? Harvey Weinstein? None of the above! The taxpayers of America should front the bill, as punishment for letting this black mark in history happen in the USA! USA! USA!

Say, I want to be an extra in this movie. Whoops!!! I mean, “Background Artist.” Can somebody hook me up?

[irwinspharmacy]

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[indelibleevidence]

People not from the UK are making posts congratulating us on our good fortune that Johnson has resigned, and lamenting that their democracy doesn't work as well as ours. I need you guys to understand some things:

He's got about three months left in government before he goes. He only resigned because people weren't going to stop walking out until he did, not because he admits he was wrong and deserves to go. He might use those three months to fuck up as much as possible before he leaves, because he resents that he has to go. Sure, he SAYS no new policies before he fucks off, but he also said he didn't know Chris Pincher was a serial groper, and that he didn't flout the rules during lockdown, and a million other things he's lied about to Parliament's face.

During these three months, he gets to have a big wedding party at the Prime Minister's estate, to make up for the one he supposedly didn't get to have during lockdown. Is this being paid for with public money? It really wouldn't surprise me if the answer was yes.

A lot of the people in his party want him out right now, but there's literally no system in place to force him out, because he narrowly won a confidence vote last month, and the rules of his party say he can't be challenged again until next June. He only said he'd go in three months because the party was planning to vote for new executives who'd then be able to change that rule, in theory. (Also, because he thinks he's the new Winston Churchill, and being remembered as the Prime Minister whose entire party walked out on him doesn't fit with his internal narrative. He's already broken the record for most resignations in a 24-hour period, by quite a lot.)

Whoever takes over is guaranteed to be just as evil, only they'll look more professional while doing it, and most of the UK media is unapologetically right-wing, so they'll help spoon-feed the 'government back in honest and competent hands' narrative to the whole electorate. They'll make out that Johnson was the reason everything is broken, when their party has been systematically defunding the health service, social services, the justice system, the welfare system, etc. for the past twelve years. The political party isn't changing, just the Douchebag-in-Chief.

Slight shred of optimism: there are two camps within the Conservative Party, and the more moderate one is anti-Johnson. So hopefully there'll be an easing off of insane policies like 'lets deport asylum seekers to Rwanda' and 'let's have a trade war with the EU because we don't like extra paperwork at the Irish border', assuming the people responsible for those policies are sacked (please, god).

But some very damaging laws have already passed, and I doubt any of them will be repealed. And a moderate Tory is still a Tory.

[madaboutmunson]

Everlong Chapter 6 - Breaking the Chains (Let Me Call You Sweetheart Part 2)

Warnings: drinking, drugs, irresponsible driving, swearing

Summary: Reader’s recent revelations forces them to ask for the help of Mr Harrington, forcing the reader to make a big decision regarding the tour coming to an end and their relationship with the band.

Tags: @silverrings-n-prettythings @munchabunch @portaltothevoid thanks for all your help. This story is very much a team effort!! Especially the wonderful play by play comments left for me to read 🤩

You jump out of bed and reach for your phone.

"Wait…wha-" Eddie snatches the phone from you, "What are you doing? Have you lost your mind? No one's gonna answer you at 3:37am because you had a weird dream." He stands up on the bed so the phone is well out of your reach.

You tense your lips together and try to climb him to get at your phone, "Mr Harrington will. I guarantee it."

Eddie can't deal with this rude awakening of half information he's being bombarded with. "STOP IT!!" he screeches at you, shutting his eyes and gritting his teeth, as he bats your hands away.

You drop back to the bed and genuinely pout at him.

"Jesus Christ!" He says in annoyance, and sighs in exasperation. 

"Have you calmed down now? Can you explain to me, why you think calling Steve Harrington at nearly 4am because you had a bad dream, is a good idea?" Eddie gestures at himself.

"Yes," you mumble, "To both questions. If you'll actually listen and not just go back to sleep," you say glumly.

"Oh believe me dear, I am *wide awake* right now," he says with a false smile on his face.

He looks down at you, tuts, rolls his eyes and caves in "I'm gonna sit right here, and listen, ok?" He places himself next to you.

You get up from the bed and begin pacing around whilst talking to him, "Ok so I need the guitar, but we can't get in to get the guitar, because it's guarded, right? But you used a guitar before to make a gate, to grab your old guitar, right?"

"Yes, but I knew exactly where the guitar was, because I heard it, sweetheart. I don't know where exactly this one is. I’ve looked so many times."

"Yes, but Mr Harrington does, he always used to get it for me when…..wh…when I'd b-behaved," there is a small stutter in your words as you try to force the words out, remembering your cell.

Eddie frowns deeply for a few seconds, but then adds as gently as he can, "Steve isn't just going to go get it for us, babe."

"We don't need him to get it, Eddie. We just need him to strum it."

Eddie stops for a moment, like he's actually contemplating this, looking up at you from the mass of bedhead hair. "Ok let's say he does do that, and I make the gate, and we get the guitar. They'll know it's gone. I only got away with it before, because I would put it back."

"Do you have any idea how many replicas have been made of that guitar? I've been playing one for the last week. There are only two people in the world that I know of, that can tell the difference, and they're in this room."

"Huh," he says in a sort of acceptance, but he's trying desperately to be the realist here, "Right ok, so we have a plan of extraction, and I understand the connection with our guitars, she called to you. What I'm struggling to understand is why now?"

"Ok, but you have to just listen alright? iIt's gonna sound crazy, ok, but believe me when I say I know these are not just dreams Eddie. They are so vivid. Like, I feel them." You pace quicker as your speaking increases with speed.

"The first dream I didn't think anything of, I thought it was my stupid brain mixing up reading books and real life. I'm this woman or girl, I don't know, I can't see her. She collects herbs or something, the town doesn't like her. She sees this guy, right? And she likes him, like instantly, and he looks like you, Eddie, kinda, but old timey, shorter hair, but not exactly the same. A resemblance. He's Irish...I think."

You turn to look at Eddie to make sure he's still with you, and he still seems to be paying attention so you quicken your pace again, "So then he's gotta go somewhere. War, I guess. She doesn't want him to go. Then she got a letter saying he'd come home, but the witch came to her house and killed her. Then, Eddie, I saw you in the guitar shop, with your….your Uncle, maybe? And she's….she's…" suddenly your eyes roll back and you stumble a little.

Eddie gets up quickly and grabs your arms to steady you, and sits you in the arm chair "Hey, chill out, alright? I'm listening, take your time, and here…" he grabs a half eaten PB&J donut, a can of mountain dew and gives them to you.

"Just get some sugar back in you first and then tell me about the guitar shop, ok?" He sits back down on the edge of the bed and studies you carefully. You do as he asks and tell him the guitar shop dream in as much detail as you can.

Eddie's face looks a little emotional, he nods slowly, and huffs a small laugh, "That's what he said alright."

"That witch said neither of you would know peace apart, and that kind of explains some other things I've been wondering about," you say looking over at him.

He raised his hands to you in a stop motion, “Ok, I can see your little grey matter ticking away there, and this conversation sounds like it's about to get real hurtful, real fast, babe."

You lock eyes with him. The information is on the tip of your tongue, and you want to expose it, but Eddie's shoulders slump and his brows push together in a look of pleading.

"All I'm saying is having the guitar might make me feel better, ok? I'm sure if Mr Harrington knew that, he'd help me." You swerve around the thoughts running through your head to give Eddie a reason enough to help.

You didn't know if it was you, or a piece of her in you, but you knew what you felt for Eddie was real, you just didn't know where it was coming from. 

The timing lined up. Before your accident, you didn't feel like this. Afterwards you were distracted by Terry until Eddie found you again, and then that was it for you. 

Weirder still was Eddie spent a lot of time with you in the cells across planes, he could sit in your thoughts, but no matter your mood, he never asked about recreating the gateway to the past again. Eddie had been obsessed with that. You remember thinking at the time, maybe he felt sorry for you being locked up and he wasn't. So he hadn't mentioned it, but then you got out, and he still didn't mention it. He just found as many ways as he could for you to stay out of trouble, but for him to be as close with you as possible. 

So with this piece of guitar, you thought Eddie had a partial embodiment of her wandering around and he's at peace. No big plans, no revenge plots. You just walked around New York finding things he used to like to eat, for god's sake.

You look down at the floor, you knew why he didn't want you to tell him this. He's smart enough to piece this together himself. If you were right about the guitar, he'd think it meant you didn't care for one another. That all of this was just another heap of lies, and you knew he couldn't take it.

You put down the food and drink, and look over at him, he's fiddling with his rings as he leans forward, resting his forearms on his knees, looking around the room. His eyes falling on memory touch points. The window, your robe, the food bags, the mirror, your polo neck jumper, the Ambrose glasses. 

You go and sit behind him and wrap your arms around him, planting a kiss on the back of his head, he holds your arms around himself for a few minutes before finally saying quietly, "I understand, I just don't wanna hear you say it, ok?" He leans back on you.

"You know what I understand? This is real. I haven't faked anything. Not a word, not an action, not a single thing, Eddie,"  you say softly in his ear, kiss his shoulder and hold him a little tighter, "And so is she. So very real Eddie. She's been waiting for you, just you. I think she would literally fist fight a god for you."

He turns to you and asks solemnly, "Can we just…can we call Steve later on?" His sad eyes look into yours waiting for a response.

You take your phone from him and throw it across the room onto the armchair, "Absolutely. He's probably asleep anyway," you say, kissing him and pulling him towards you, to snuggle up under the covers for a few more hours.

Later you find yourself sitting at the table, your phone in your hands, Mr Harrington's contact on your screen. Your eyes raise and you can see Eddie sprawled In the bed, his mass of curls spread across the pillows and his pale torso almost a colour match for the white bedding he's bundled up in.

Your eyes must make this journey between the phone and the bed at least a hundred times.

You didn't want to admit it, at least not when Eddie was awake, but as sure as you were you were right about the guitar, there was that one percent chance you could be wrong, and it was such a prize to lose.

You take a deep breath, sit up in the chair and call Mr Harrington.

"Y/N! Hey, how's the tour?...Yes Ava it's in the laundry…" you hear a clattering sound, "James for the last time, move things out the way first! Almost there." Mr Harrington huffs running up the stairs.

"Well that's kinda why I called, but I can call back when you're less busy, if that's better." You say quietly.

Mr Harrington laughs, "You know it never gets less busy in the house, I wouldn't have it any other way. Ah" you hear the click of a door, "Sanctuary at last. So you were saying, about tour…" you hear a spraying noise, "God damn! LUCY HARRINGTON I KNOW THIS IS YOUR WORK..WE WILL TALK ABOUT THIS LATER!! Sorry Y/N, silly string set up, please go on"

"You might think this is crazy Mr Harrington, but some really weird things are happening and…well…I think you're the only person that can help me," you say nervously.

There is silence for so long you think you've lost connection, "Hello? Mr Harrington? Are you still there?" 

"Yep, yeah, I'm here. I just got a little something in my eye there." He clears his throat "So how can I help? And before you sugar coat anything, know that there is very little I'm going to find crazy, ok? So just tell me."

You explain to Mr Harrington about how ill you've been feeling since leaving the cell, the pains you keep getting, your dreams, how you think it's all connected, and maybe part of the guitar is still reaching out to the other part.

"I just feel like, if I could be close to the guitar again, or even just be able to hear it. I'd feel much better. I know it's a huge ask, and I know how people might be really worried about me being around it, but believe me I have no plans for anything like last time. I swear." You plead with him quietly down the phone.

"Who is there with you?" He asks.

Your eyes dart to the still sleeping Eddie, "Uh, Ambrose. He's sleeping"

"Ah that explains all the whispering then, he's travelled quite a way to see you then? Unless he travelled to see you in Indy too? Either way sounds pretty serious. How long have you known him, again?" he says with a hint of teasing.

"I mean, online for a while, just all this is kinda new, but it doesn't feel new, you know? It feels like it was always like this. I don't know how to describe it. Like I've known him forever, or something?" You try and wrestle your feelings into words but they are much too difficult to get a handle on.

There is a pause followed by a hum on the other end of the line "…Are you certain about the guitar?" Mr Harrington asks again, he wants to make sure this isn't a whim.

"Like ninety nine percent sure, Mr Harrington."

"Ok, ok. I'll try my best with Dustin, but it's not just him keeping that thing under wraps. Other people have gotten involved, but it's still his facility, so I'll see what I can do," he says reassuringly.

You feel the relief wash over you and your eyes brim with tears, "Thank you so much Mr Harrington. Thank you."

"Hey there champ, is it that bad?" he asks. 

You take a deep breath to slow your sobs, "Sometimes it's so bad, so very, very painful. I made some pretty stupid choices to numb it. Luckily Ambrose helped me see sense….There is something else though," you sniff and take a deep breath, causing Eddie to stir a little so you get a little quieter.

"I wanna come home, today, if I can. I can't do this anymore. I know I've got the contract but I think I can find a loophole, or something. They'll send me home, but…it might look bad." You say worriedly.

"If you wanna come home, you get home!! I'd come get you myself but by the time I got there you could have been on your way back already. No matter what happens, you're safe here with us," he says comforting you with his words, "I'll get on to Dustin as soon as I've finished getting the kids out the door to school, ok?"

"I'm so thankful, Mr Harrington. Thank you so much." 

"I'll see you later" he says, his voice a little choked in response to the emotion in your own voice. You end the call, and go get ready for sound check.

—---

As you leave sound check, Krusher slowly pads at your side, and you wave the band on as you pause to have a talk with Alex, the band manager.

"Say Alex, you got a minute?" You peek through their temporary office door

Alex can't clear you a space quickly enough, "Yeah, yeah, of course come in, come in."

Alex positively beams at you, "Look I know you came here to ask something, but before you do. I just wanna show you something." They put their hands up to you and turn their laptop around, "All these emails here, endorsement deals. All the ones here, requests to play festivals all over the world"

Alex points at some comically large checks in the corner, "Your t-shirt idea, we kept it going for all the shows. Those are 15 charities we're sizably donating to tonight, from last week alone. Now don't get me wrong, the band without you is extremely talented, but we're adults here right? That's not all it takes to make it, right? You've changed the fate of this band Y/N. You've changed mine." Alex smiles at you again, "So bearing all that in mind, how can I help you?"

"I wanna be honest with you Alex, I can't talk to the band about this, but I am dying out there. Tour is killing me. I belong at home. I know you'll want to tell me it's just one more day, but believe me when I say I can't do it. I have to leave tonight."

"You'll be breaking your contract, Y/N."

"But what if…what if, Alex, you had no choice but to send me home, and at the same time I gave you front page news…"

Alex's eyes widen, and their pupils dilate a little, "No one would get hurt right?" they say, trying to hide their excitement.

"As long as no one tries to attack me," you scratch Krusher gently behind the ears, "I get two songs on the mic to close tonight, I don't get shut down and the band keep playing. I have no intention of anyone getting hurt, but there might be a big cleaning bill, plus the cost of Krusher here. I’d like him to stay with me."

Alex looks like all their Christmases came at once, and leans over the table extending their hand. You grasp and shake it.

"It's been a real pleasure doing business with you, Y/N," Alex says. As the door closes behind you, you can hear them excitedly yell out.

—---

You finish up the encore the crowd were expecting and walk off to the side stage for some water which you pour in Krushers bowl, take a few gulps of and then douse yourself in the remaining.

You throw a wet arm around Eddie in his Ambrose form, "Enjoyed the show?" You ask knowingly.

"You know, second to that time I found that rare type of luminescent fungi totally by chance, this might be one of the greatest nights of my life, buttercup. Seeing you out there playing your little songs," he says, as he stops your giggling by giving you a chaste kiss, and handing Krusher some treats.

"Awwww," the band sings in harmony at you both.

"You ready?" Harley asks you.

"As I'll ever be," you reply with genuine nerves.

The main lights go out again, and the crowd erupts at their unexpected second encore. 

"Do you want more New York?" Harley screams into the microphone.

The crowd replies with a cacophony of agreement.

Harley nods at you and you play the opening notes to Maggie's Farm in unison with Armani. They ring out around the arena like a siren. Unholy Angel play through Rage Against The Machine’s cover of the classic.

As the song breaks back down to those singular notes again, Harley steps away from the mic and nods you towards it.

You swallow hard, as you step up to it. Playing guitar was one thing, but this put the crowd in your hands. The same set of notes keep repeating behind you, like the sinister, looming backdrop you needed.

"Good Evening New York City!" You shout, and the crowd cheers loudly back. You raise your hand to shield your eyes, "By the gods you look beautiful tonight," a huge smile threatens to erupt over your face as you are hit with an almost overwhelming response from the crowd. It makes you almost lose your breath as you get to bask in this moment. This was everything you’d dreamed it would be, these precious few seconds.

All that time hiding in your room practising, all those nights playing to no one at The Jackroller, the posters on the inside of your closet doors, the dreamy conversations with the band, about things you thought impossible, and yet here you were, living it for a few moments.

Krusher's tail hits your leg as he circles you, helping you remember you had a purpose up here.

"Haven't you had enough, New York?" you yell, "Haven't you had enough of people owning you? Telling you what to do? What to wear? Who to love? How much you get paid for working your fingers to the bone, for someone who doesn't even know your name, just your number? Telling you what you can do? Telling you when to be afraid? Telling you it's ok to be angry at your sports team, but not angry at the people keeping you under their thumbs? Keeping you down where you belong, right New York?!" Each question with increased anger and venom, the faces in the crowd are contorting into anger, fists punching the air, "Well tonight is your night. I want you to let them know…Let them know, that shit might fly elsewhere, but not tonight, Not in New York City, alright?"

The crowd being sufficiently riled up, you continue to the end of the song, singing in place of Harley.

As the song comes to a close, you breathlessly step up to the mic, "One more New York? What say you?"

The crowd roars back, "That's what I thought," you laugh, wiping the sweat from your face.

"A few years ago, a friend of mine”, you point over to Terry, ”Asked me to learn a song, and tonight I'd, well, we'd like to play it live for you, because I never got the chance, but we think your gonna like it. So I gotta ask you New York….Do you want Heavy?!"

You look out on the crowd for their response, and quickly to the wings, that no longer contain a waiting Ambrose. You scan the crowd, as you put your hand to your ear.

You chug the opening chord to Master of Puppets.

You put a kiss on your fingers still holding the pick and point to the ceiling. "Eddie gives you heavy, baby!" You shout over a screaming crowd before, shredding into the song, giving room for Harley to step back in. 

She's glaring at you as you pass, you reply with a wink and security fills either side of the stage. You smile over at them, and back out at the crowd, where you spy your Eddie in all his nerdy Ambrose glory working his magic. The normal mosh pit gets more physical. Things are being thrown over the crowd, cups, shoes, clothes, programs, then other things like seat parts and wall art work. Doors are getting smashed and the security waiting in the wings start to disperse to handle the crowd situation.

At the end of the show there are several curtain call bows for the whole band, but you can feel the tension already in the air.

As you head backstage, you can hear the frantic chatter of people on phones. Security is eyeing you carefully as you pass. Krusher keeping pace alongside you into the dressing room. You flop down onto a sofa, exhausted, the pain plunging through your side.

"WHAT THE HELL Y/N?" Harley bursts in after you, Jenna trying to pull her back, and being pushed to the side. Krusher sits up and positions himself, between you both, in silence.

She looks at the giant wolf dog and steps no further forward, but she is furious, "We had one more night!! Just one more fucking night and then it was the anniversary show which you weren't gonna play anyway!!" she rages, "And now we've gotta deal with all this?! I knew it was a mistake, I knew you couldn't be trusted. You've ruined us."

You let her finish and give pause, in case anyone else had anything to say. Harley is breathing heavily with pure rage and the others are either trying to calm her down or looking to you for a reply.

You lean forward, resting your elbows on your knees and look up at Harley, "Tell me, Harley, tell me the number of tickets you had sold for this show 3 or 4 weeks ago, because as of the announcement of my special guest slot, this last leg of the tour, it sold out. They all did. I'm not saying I'm carrying the band Harley. I'm just saying nothing I've done ruined you. You did that alone. Your signing, your first album, that's all my controversy, and I gave it to you again tonight, because without it, you're just another band of talented musicians, and there are thousands of those that never make it past their local dive bar, Harley."

She lunges towards you only to be pulled back to safety by Terry, narrowly being missed by the snarling jaws of Krusher.

"Maybe you should go, Y/N?" Jenna says, a little annoyed.

"Sure thing," you say getting up from the sofa, "I wish you all the best. Heel, Krusher."

You make your way around the band and head out to find Eddie.

Alex is walking the opposite way, stops you, with a big grin and a hug says "You’re fired, kid. People are losing their shit."

You look confused at them, "It was just a few pictures and some doors, man."

"Oh in the arena, sure…but you just unleashed that onto the streets of New York, baby!" They turn their phone to you, and scroll through a few pictures of the carnage outside and videos from the gig itself that had been and were still being shared at an alarming rate.

"Fuck! I gotta get out of here," you say in a panic, "How frequent are the flights?"

"You wanna stand around in an airport? Now?! After what you started??" Alex laughs. "Here," they reach into their pocket and hand you some keys, "Take it. I'll get myself a new one…or three." 

Walking through the backstage area you grab some hoodies and hats from the merchandise stock, and put yours on as you walk towards the doors to the crowd area, "Krusher, stay," you command as you pull the hat down low and pull the hood up over it, leaving your guitar propped up against the wall by Krusher. 

As you push through the doors and weave through the crowd looking for a flash of short blonde hair. You look behind you at the door and can see Krusher's furry head poking out looking for you.

"AMBROSE?" you shout hoping to make this search a lot faster. 

"Some crazy strong nerd is giving out free beer," you hear someone yell. You know instantly it's your crazy nerd, and run to where he's signalling.

What you had expected to see was Ambrose tossing out beers to an adoring crowd. Instead you see a haphazardly parked little beer truck, you follow the hose up onto the roof of a food stall, and there he is. Blasting the crowd with mostly foam, with a huge grin on his face. Occasionally stopping to pick up a huge keg and drink from it.

"Shit!" You mumble to yourself and squeeze behind the food truck, unskillfully clambering until you can see over the top. You find an empty can and throw it at his leg. He turns around and you get hit full force in the face with a jet of beer, gripping on tightly to the roof you manage to duck out of the way of any more of it. You shake your head and shout, "EDDIE GET DOWN FROM THERE NOW!"

The hose stops and the small crowd groans and boos, as he turns around to check on you, "Shit, babe. I didn't know it was you. Are you alright?" You shove the hoodie and hat into his hands and are about to reply when it starts. A small chant at first but then it gets louder, they'd heard you should and they wanted their beer guy back "Eddie! Eddie! Eddie!"

"Quickly, hurry!! Let's fucking go!!" You grab his arm and run with him back to the backstage area. 

As you run past Krusher and grab your guitar, he catches up with you easily, and you head towards the private area of the parking lot. You can hear Terry freaking out about the Eddie chanting, and Harley cursing your name. You fumble for the keys, and click unlock. Some lights in the distance flash on an SUV, you run towards it and all jump in the car, tossing your guitar in the back.

You sit there for a moment, "Well, let's go, babe!" Eddie says way too excitedly in a situation where a normal person would be terrified.

"I can't," you say looking at the steering wheel.

Eddie looks around nervously, but still grinning, "Ok now is not the time to dick around, alright? Start the fucking car."

"I can't drive, Eddie," you say still staring at the steering wheel.

"Jesus H Christ!! Why did you get in the driver's seat then??"

"Because I had the keys and you've been drinking."

"I had a few sips…"

"From a keg, Eddie!!"

"Hey, look! I'll get us outta the city and you can take over, alright? On a nice bit of uncomplicated road, ‘kay? But for now move the fuck over!!" 

You clamber under him, as he hops into the driver's seat. You check behind and Krusher has already laid down across the back seat of the vehicle.

Eddie starts up the car and before you know it, you're screeching out of the parking lot, and the scene that meets your eyes is something like a very concentrated end of days. There are small fires, fighting, vandalism, some people wearing way too little for what is decent, and some you just plain averted your eyes from, "Eddie, what the fuck did you do?"

"Me??? What did I do??? Oh I wasn't the one telling them to rise up against The Man," he laughs, "That was you. I just amplified your words, just like you asked me to." He must be concentrating pretty hard as you can see his dark curls emerge from his hood, meaning the Ambrose disguise has dropped.

"No! No! I didn't…I didn't tell anyone to do that…" you gesture out the window at a pile of writhing bodies, "Whatever that is!" you avert your eyes again.

Eddie laughs, "Well…when two people love one another very much…" he says sarcastically.

"I gotta be honest with you, it didn't look very loving out there. SHIT! Watch out!" A flaming bicycle flies past the side of the car as Eddie swerves to avoid it.

"Look, no one is getting hurt. I made sure of that. Fires are small. They aren't trashing any small businesses. It's their own stuff for the most part."

"Eddie, there are people kicking seven shades of shit out of one another….right there!" you point at a brawl you drive past.

"But did you see their happy little faces? No you didn't because you only see what you wanna see, don't you dear?" Eddie laughs, "Also I know how to use my stuff, alright? I got this," he says firmly as you scream onto the highway. "You know, you are being a real shitty passenger right now. Not only are you complaining the whole time, but also you haven't even sorted out the music. Just the worst!" He complains.

"Alright, sor-ry for being alarmed at this apparent carnage," you say trying to figure out the radio.

"You wanted chaos, I gave you fucking chaos," Eddie argues back.

"In the arena. In the arena, Eddie. Contained. That's what I meant," you say calmly, whilst pushing buttons that you have no idea what they do.

"But that is not what you said!!!" he shouts, banging on the steering wheel, “And another thing…” he starts only to be rudely interrupted by the radio blasting out The Safety Dance at way too high a volume, causing a pause, and a frantic pressing of buttons. Krusher lets out a whine of complaint and you and Eddie erupt into laughter, as you start to emerge from the chaos, and towards the highway out of the city.

“So, were you serious about the not driving stuff? Like you've never driven a car at all?” Eddie asks.

“I think in an emergency I’d be ok, but I dont have my licence yet so you know if we got pulled over, because of my bad driving, we’d be in serious trouble,” you say looking out on the road in front of you.

“Well how about you let me worry about if we get pulled over? And you take over some of the driving, I mean I could probably do the whole 11 hours, but it’s a long way. We could do a few hours each?” He suggests smiling over at you.

“You’d put your life in my hands like that?” you say with a laugh.

“Well I’m already kinda dead, so I’m cool with it,” he gives you a little nudge, “What I am not cool with is this music, what the hell is it?”

“Er…its Calming Jazz for Dogs,” you say tapping the playlist on your phone, “It’s for Krusher, he likes it. Look,” you say turning back to look at the giant dog, “Don’t cha big boy! You love it right? Nice and calm.”

Eddie adjusts the rearview mirror to look at Krusher, “No he doesn’t, he hates this!” Eddie switches his voice up to baby talk Krusher “He’s covering his sweet whittle ears, aren’t ya handsome? My sweet whittle prince of darkness does no wanna wisten to this, do ya? Ya big beautiful beast!”

Krusher raises his head from under his paws at Eddie’s baby voice, “Thats ma boy,” Eddie chuckles triumphantly, and adjusts the mirror back whilst he smiles smugly, “So can you just sort it out, please DJ?”

“Do you want to listen to something from this century, or like stuff you used to listen to?” you say cheekily, bracing yourself for a tirade.

“Wow! You went there. You know, suddenly, I’m feeling all sorts of sleepy,” Eddie takes his hands from the wheel, stretches and yawns. You dive over and make a grab for it.

“Jesus Christ, Eddie!” you say trying to regain your breath. Then you look down and notice his knees against the wheel.

“Cruise control, babe,” he laughs maniacally, throwing his head back.

“You absolute shit!” you say poking him in the ribs, which only makes him giggle more.

“Ow, geez, but you know seeing as you're over here…” he leans his head over to you for a kiss, which you provide even though you are still a little annoyed, his laugh gets you every time, “Or you know anything else you might wanna do, over here,” he trails off looking back out onto the road.

Your brow contorts as you sit back in your seat, trying to figure out what he means. You look out the window for a spell, wracking your brain. There is something very familiar about the silence you are in.

You look over at him again, and he looks really nervous, “What's wrong with you, now? Oh god, is something wrong with the car, Eddie?” you put your head in your hands, and then start searching around the car for a manual of some kind.

“Ok, I can tell you, but you have to promise to not lose your shit, ok?” he says glancing over at you quickly before looking back at the road.

“I do not like this, already. Go on…” you say with anticipated regret.

“Well I made that comment at you, and you looked confused. Then you just looked at the window, and I just had a little peek at your thoughts…” he says with a grimace on his face.

“Eddie!! How many times?” you throw your hands up in frustration.

“....and then…”

“AND THEN?” you say your eyes widening, “and then, what Eddie? And then fucking what?!” you say, raising your voice.

“Hey you promised you wouldn't lose your shit!” he fires back.

You purse your lips and grab a bottle of fancy water and take a sip.

“And then I might have got a bit curious about why you didn't laugh at me, and thenIMightHaveLookedIntoSomePrivateStuffAndFoundOutYourWereAVirgin,” he says rapidly, tapping his fingers on the steering wheel.

You spit the water from your mouth on the window screen in front of you, and start choking. You frantically start wiping the screen with your sleeve whilst trying to catch your breath.

“You want me to pull over?” he says meekly.

In between coughs you manage, “No I do not want you to pull over, Eddie! Just keep driving, Ok?”

You tuck your knees up to your chest and fold your arms around them, and look out the window in silence. You turn up the radio a little to fill the air.

“Why wouldn't you tell me something like that?” he asks gently, after some time.

“It wasn’t relevant. It's not a big deal. We didn't even do anything like that, so I didn't mention it. Is that ok with you?” you snap at him, a little tired of these invasions of privacy.

You wait a few seconds.

“Besides I thought you’d already know. You know, being a vampire and everything. Like a radar for them or something?” you add and continue to look out of the window.

“I guess, but I have to decide what to look for, you know, it isn't just like… Ping! A virgin just appeared within 5 miles of you,” he laughs softly, “Look I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done that, ok? Just when you shut down like that, I get, you know, worried.” he reaches his hand over to you, fingers splayed out waiting for yours.

“Well, it's out there now. Thank you for being honest about it,” you take his hand. Eddie beams.

“Besides, that whole thing is a bit misleading. It’s a mental thing. If the foo…person thinks it makes them ‘innocent’ or ‘purer’ so they taste that way. I didn’t taste that on you, mostly because you tasted like alcohol or delicious treats, but maybe you don't see yourself that way?” he says reassuringly. “You've got nothing to be embarrassed about.”

“Oh I know that, it would just be nice to be able to talk about things personal to me, when I want to bring them up. Not when you've been prying where you shouldn't,” you say sitting normally again. Eddie nods in agreement.

“I’m sorry, I just can’t help myself sometimes,” he says apologetically.

“The thing is Eddie, you say this and then just do it again,” you laugh at him.

“Believe it or not, for you, I really try, but my curiosity gets the better of me. In case you haven't noticed, I can be a little impulsive,” he gives you an apologetic smile.

“You?! Nooooooooooo!” You say sarcastically.

You both start laughing again.

“I sometimes wonder how much you’ve gotten away with just because you're so cute and manipulative,” you say shaking your head.

“You think I'm cute?” he says in a fake embarrassed voice and flutters his eyelashes.

A few hours into the drive you purchase some energy drinks and snacks for you, and Eddie gives you the driver's seat, and you have a little practice around the parking lot.

“You got this! Nicely done!” He leans over and gives you a kiss on the cheek, “Ready to hit the highway, babe?”

“As ready as I'll ever be,” you laugh and start driving. More nervous than you had been standing in front of thousands of people earlier in the evening. You’re pretty sure your hands will have to be peeled from the steering wheel, whenever the next switch happens.

You hear a familiar guitar riff and turn to Eddie, who is doing some kind of weird dorky dance in his seat, with a very serious face, instead of his usual headbanging or air guitar. 

“Highway to Hell? Really Eddie? Thanks a lot.”

“I am an excellent passenger,” he laughs, and stretches with all his might to give Krusher an ear scratch and some treats, “As are you, aren't ya boy?”

Much to (mainly) your surprise, you make it back to The Harrington’s in your respective singular pieces, you park a little further away, and inspect the house, and wake up Eddie to hide in the back with Krusher. In the daylight Eddie’s powers were much weaker, and if he was going to use Ambrose in front of Mr Harrington, it needed to be at its full effect. They knew one another too well.

Mr Harrington's car was parked out front. You do a quick scan for any other vehicles and nothing else catches your eye. You put on your hat and pull up your hood and run over to the front door and knock, your keys being in your hotel room in New York somewhere.

The door flies open and Mr Harrington throws his arms around you and pulls you inside slamming the door behind you. You look around nervously, as Mr Harrington pulls down your hood and takes off your hat, “Oh I'm so glad you are ok. I was worried sick! I’ve been checking all the flight times, and you didnt call, and with what happened at the concert….”

“I'm so sorry Mr Harrington! I totally forgot to let you know. I was just trying to get out of there, and get home. Hanging around in an airport was not an option at the time,” you grimace nervously.

“What?! You drove all the way here? That's like…11 hours! You don't even have a licence!! What if you’d been pulled over?!” He pushes you towards a chair in the kitchen to sit down. He’s frantically searching the cupboards for where he’s hidden the coffee from the kids. 

“It's fine, it’s fine. Just had a bunch of energy drinks and I didnt drive it all myself, Ambrose helped me. We did shifts. I just did the easy bits of driving,” you try to reassure him. 

“Where is he now then? Was he too intimidated by the prospect of meeting us?” Mr Harrington says looking very self assured and putting a hand on his hip, “Clearly he wants to impress.”

“Yeah, something like that, for sure.” you say as a cup of coffee is thrust across the table at you. 

You inspect Mr Harrington again, taking a sip of your coffee, he looks a little out of sorts, “Are…you ok?” you ask curiously.

“Yeah, yeah I’m fine. Just erm, things are a little complicated right now…” he says running his hands through his hair.

“Complicated, how?” you ask.

Mr Harrington says something but you can’t quite make it out, you put your finger in your ear and give it a wiggle so that you might hear better, “Sorry could you say that again?”

“I said, I spoke to Dustin and he was ok with you seeing the guitar once I explained, but there might be some conditions.” The tiredness must be hitting you. You blink, finding it hard to keep your eyes open.

“What sort of conditions?” you say, rubbing your eyes.

“Listen ok, everything was fine, but then after last night, he got a bit concerned, and he just wanted to make sure everyone was safe.” Mr Harrington says pacing around a bit with one hand on his hip the other animating his words, which was leaving trails behind it in the air.

“Safe….sure…everyone safe. What do I…um…do?” opening and closing your mouth felt like bench pressing a small city, and forming words with it was even harder, “Wuz happen..”

“I’m sorry Y/N” he says putting his hand to his mouth, as your body sags against the kitchen table limply, you are hoisted out of your chair by some security, and dragged away.

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Let Me Call You Sweetheart Part One Chapter 1

Fanfic Master List

Songs you might want to listen to whilst reading this chapter:

[missymurphy1985]

The Extra (part 2)

Warning - smut (eventually....)

Taglist @queenshelby @margoo0 @being-worthy @peakyscillian @peakyciills @janelongxox @elenavampire21 @noctvrnalmoth @ysmmsy @cloudofdisney @lauren-raines-x @namelesslosers @misscarolineshelby @screemqueen @cilleveryone @peaky-cillian @misselsbells06 @datewithgianni @heidimoreton

You were finishing up your coffee, grateful that Cillian didn't hang around after grabbing his. Suddenly you heard Anto shouting in the yard outside. You told Liane you'd find her later, and headed out to him. He was pacing the grounds on his phone, the anger evident in his face. With an abrupt "Fuck you!" down the line, he hung up, kicking a rock across the courtyard in frustration.

"Anto? What's wrong?" You approached nervously.

"We start filming in three hours, and one of the cast had dropped out!!"

"What? Who?"

"Rachel Foster. She was supposed to play Tommy Shelby's girl."

"Oh shit.."

"Oh shit in-fucking-deed. What the fuck am I supposed to do now?! I can't call someone in at this short notice!"

"I don't know anyone who's even available.." he suddenly looked at you, you squirmed a little, you recognised that look.

"You know, it's not too late to reconsider my offer y/n."

"Anto we talked about this, I'm not an actress."

"But you used to be! And you were the best I knew!"

"When you offered me a role in this I was flattered beyond belief, I truly was, but my role is as a professor now, not an actress. I gave that all up nearly a decade ago!"

"Think about it - you're here anyway! She was only meant to film this week, it's a few scenes with Tommy, nothing major.. she's not even lasting the whole series it's just a few scenes I swear it. At least let me do a casting call with you? I'll pay you for your time, even if you don't want to do it? It's win-win! I'm desperate here y/n..."

You thought about it. You enjoyed the theatre shows you used to be involved in years ago so much, but then you were offered the job at Birmingham University and it was too good an opportunity to miss - a steady wage, guaranteed income.. the thought of going back to being a struggling actress made you very nervous.

"One casting call. If it doesn't work, I'm out and you'll have to find someone else Anto."

"Oh you fucking legend... You BEAUTIFUL legend!!!" He scooped you up and spun you round in a circle, before dragging you over to costume and makeup.

An hour later, you were in costume, hair done, makeup on, ready for the camera. You stood in the set for the Garrison, Anto giving you the once over for the short scene he'd got planned for the casting call.

"Anto you didn't say anything about kissing Tommy!" You groaned, reading the paper he handed you.

"It's one kiss - we need to make sure you have chemistry. You know these scenes are always filmed first y/n."

"You fucking owe me Byrne." He grinned his cheesiest grin yet, allowing you time to get to know your lines and the scene. You were lost in it, focussing on getting yourself into a character for the first time in years.

"Y/n?" An Irish brogue suddenly dragged you out of your prep, and you nearly dropped the whiskey glass you were holding as you were practising a scene.

"Holy fuck..."

"Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you - " he held out his hand, chuckling at your outburst. "I'm Cillian. I'll be playing Thomas Shelby."

"I, uh, I know who you are, I'm Y/n..."

"I know, Anto tells me you're Rachel's replacement? Really appreciate you stepping in like this, I know it's all a bit weird. Just take your time, okay? There's no rush, and no pressure to get it perfect, just relax. I know how intense these things can be."

"Thank you. I'm sorry if I'm shit..." You laughed, your stomach in knots.

"You won't be! You wanna stop at any point, tell me. No pressure, remember that. I'm looking forward to it."

"To what? Me throwing a whiskey glass at you?"

"No, not that bit," he smiled, his blue eyes glittering in the stage lights behind you.

"Right then you two, are you ready?" Anto called, and you pulled yourself together. Taking a deep breath, the scene began.

"You promised me Thomas. You said you were going legit!! Now I find out you have guns hidden away from the fucking IRA??"

"Clara, you have to trust me! I AM going legit but I need money behind me to do it - this is our way out of here!"

"You're a fucking liar Shelby. Four years I waited for you. Four fucking years you wrote to me promising me a life of safety, no more having to watch our backs, no more Peaky fucking Blinders, and you lied through your fucking teeth!" You threw the glass, missing his face by a mere inch.

He ducked, and approached you carefully, hands out to catch your arms as they flailed around. A sudden flick of your wrist in the wrong direction caught him off guard and you hit him. Full force on the side of his cheek.

"Oh fuck!! Shit I'm so sorry!!"

"Quite the left hook you've got there!!" He laughed, regaining his composure, rubbing his face. A decent shade of red now blossoming across his cheek. Anto was in stitches the other side of the camera and you shot him a glare.

"I can't believe you've just smacked the star of the fucking show!" He laughed.

"You're certainly feisty enough for Clara's character, I'll give you that!" Cillian smirked. You were mortified.

"I really am sorry..."

"No harm done, I'm fine. I've had worse. Come on, let's finish this yeah?" You were convinced you'd screwed it up, but Anto calling Action brought you back into the scene.

Cillian cleared his throat and approached you again, you could see him trying not to laugh though and you couldn't help but giggle a little, which set him off too.

"I'm sorry, really I am!" You panicked.

"That was my fault, I was too busy watching her arms!" Cillian smiled.

"Guys I really like what I'm seeing here. There's definitely chemistry on screen. Why don't you two go rehearse a little more together and come back in 30 minutes?" Cillian nodded and turned to you.

"Fancy a coffee?" He asked. You nodded and he led you over to the trailers behind the set.

"Are we not going to the cafeteria?"

"Not unless you want to rehearse in front of your Uni class?" He smirked. You shook your head and followed him into a decent sized trailer at the back. He flicked the kettle on, telling you to take a seat while he made the coffee.

"So why did you give up the theatre? You're clearly very good, else Anto wouldn't have requested you?"

"It wasn't going anywhere. I was in the West End, Broadway, Galway.. just seemed to be bouncing around with no real direction. I wanted to get into film or TV work but the roles were in high demand. And it became very clear very quickly that I wasn't the right kind of actress the movie makers wanted as a leading lady."

"Really? Why?"

"I wasn't prepared to get my tits out at every audition like the others I guess?" You shrugged. "I auditioned for a horror movie once in Hollywood. Some big budget thing that never ended up happening anyway, but the director wanted me to audition in this skimpy little dress - barely covered my ass never mind my thighs. Wouldn't audition me unless I wore it, so I threw it at him and walked out. Kinda blacklisted from then on."

"That's horrendous? Which director?"

"Cant even remember his name now it was so long ago. It doesn't matter anyway, the movie was scrapped before production and I landed the job at the university. Secure, stable, good money - couldn't ask for more really. And the kids are so great, Cillian, full of passion and enthusiasm! They're so inspiring they really are!"

"I'm meeting some of them later, I'm looking forward to it. My youngest wants to get into the industry. Been trying to put him off for years but he's such a little showman. Exactly like I was at his age."

"Is that Jack?" You asked.

"Yeah. His mam is keen on him getting into it but she hated me going off for months on end filming. One of the reasons she divorced me last year."

"I heard about that. I'm sorry.."

"No don't be! We get on better now than we ever have. Only stayed together for the kids you know? Milk and sugar?" You nodded, and he handed you the cup.

"This scene is awkward, I've never done a scene like this before," you confessed, taking a sip.

"Like what?"

"A kiss? How do you kiss someone without actually kissing them?"

"You just do it, I guess. Once you're in character it just happens. I won't use tongues I promise - nothing personal, it's just one of my rules."

"That makes it less awkward I suppose!"

"Exactly. Although didn't stop Scarlett Johansson that one time... Nearly got me shot by the wife that one did!" You remembered that scene in Girl with a Pearl Earring and laughed.

"You know, I've learned over the years that if you do those scenes first it makes all the others much easier," he said, putting his coffee down and taking yours from you, placing it on the table next to his. He took your hands and stood you up in front of him.

"What are you doing?"

"I'm going to kiss you."

"What?"

"Not like that, I'm going to 'movie-kiss' you. Show you how it's done. Trust me - you won't feel awkward after this."

"I beg to differ..."

"Come on y/n, what have you got to lose?" My senses? You thought. My mind, maybe? You were hesitant, massively hesitant. You weren't even sure you were even going to go through with this. He glanced at his watch.

"We have five minutes, close your eyes and trust me." He nodded at you, and you took a deep breath, closing your eyes.

His fingers back on your cheek, this was just a reenactment of the scene but those fingers felt like lightening bolts. You could sense him moving closer, and his lips brushing yours. You were almost frozen to the spot until he whispered for you to relax.

"Okay, okay... I'm relaxed.. try again.." he leaned in again, your lips meeting properly. His hand in the back of your hair pulling you a little closer. You fell into it, your hands reaching round his back. As promised, he didn't use his tongue, which felt really strange at first but you quickly got used to it. Your mouths meshed together perfectly as you found your rhythm. A few minutes of this, before he pulled away, another gentle kiss against your lips as he did.

"Wow..." You gasped, opening your eyes. If someone had told you this morning you'd be kissing Cillian Murphy by lunchtime you'd have had them commited to the local loony bin, yet here you were. He didn't speak, and his hand was still on your cheek, brushing it lightly.

"Didn't plan on making you blush so much."

"Didn't plan on kissing Cillian Murphy when I woke up this morning," you laughed.

"Ready to do that again?"

"Again?"

"Just to make sure we got it right, of course."

"Yes.. of course.." he moved in quickly, but it felt different this time. His lips crashed against yours, and you definitely felt his tongue brush your lips a couple of times but you didn't reciprocate. You both moved backwards, your thighs hitting the table behind you, coffee nearly spilling over.

"Fuck, you okay? I'm sorry.." he pulled away to make sure none had spilled on you.

"I'm fine, it didn't fall, I'm fine... I uh, I think we've got the kiss nailed down though..." You brushed your hair out of your face and looked to the floor.

"Yeah, I think you're right.." your eyes met again and you both smiled. Before he could speak though, Anto was at the door knocking.

"Ready for round 2 guys?" He called. Cillian nodded at you, and you nodded back, both of you heading out to try the scene again.