#and being able to allow myself to feel it
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I’m almost done with it. I’ll be honest.. I only read this book because Cooper Koch loves this book and way how beautiful it is and he may be playing Jude if they actually decide to make a movie about it which I heard is possibly happening. So I’m like hmmm he keeps talking about this book and the cover caught my eye. I did a little research on it and saw a lot… ALOT of people hated it. But I just took that as people on TikTok being dramatic as always.
This book is so traumatic, tragic, painful, sad and had my emotions everywhere. I’ve never cried so much reading a book. Then I decided to see what everyone thought of it on TikTok and just doing research. I’m seeing everyone call it trauma porn and all these other things. I’ll be honest. Would I classify this book as beautiful? No. Do I understand why people describe it that way? Definitely. But it’s not beautiful to me. It’s just heartbreaking. It’s a wonderfully written book and the story and how it’s told is phenomenal. But it’s so tragic that I can’t define it as beautiful. I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it or the characters. Thinking about it makes me cry.
But I don’t hate it? I think the reason why is because there are so many people out there going through what Jude had experienced and what he was experiencing with the aftermath of those things in his adulthood. Now I’m not saying these exact scenarios are happening to people. But these things do happen. The child prostitution, the child sexual abuse, physical abuse. Rape. How people deal with it, I feel sometimes is similar to how Jude was dealing with it. Refusing to see a therapist, the cutting, thinking he’s not good enough or doesn’t deserve love because he thinks he’s disgusting or that people think he is. Not being able to open up because of the fear of people seeing you differently. His difficulties with sex and his relationships with the people around him. All of that I think is what made me emotional because all I could think about is the people out there who are or who have been through this. Then myself being a victim of sexual abuse.
I think that’s what made it hard for me to hate it. Because once I saw everyone hating it.. I’m like why? This is stuff that’s happening to people. Stuff that people are dealing with and we don’t even know it because some people are afraid to talk about it. But that doesn’t mean I don’t understand why people DO hate it. It’s fucking wild to write as a book. Like who the fuck thinks of shit like this??? I also don’t agree with the authors opinions about how someone as traumatized as Jude should kill themselves and how she doesn’t really believe in therapy. That I think is the most ridiculous thing I heard. Therapy works if you allow it to work and you allow yourself to be open and vulnerable. Suicide doesn’t need to be the answer and a lot of times therapy has saved someone’s life. So the author I don’t really like. Cause girl what… I also don’t agree with this becoming a movie. No one wants to see this on film, it’s hard enough reading about it. I love Cooper Koch and I think he’d make a great Jude especially after seeing him as Erik Menendez. But I don’t want a movie about this book. WE DONT NEED THAT.
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Humans Are Extinct (Yandere!TWST x fem!Reader) Monster AU- pt 19
(As a Kelpie, Trey is carnivorous and has a tendency to hunt his own meals. From deer, to rabbits, to fish, he will catch and consume his prey. He was far more driven by predatorial instincts as a child and actually bit Riddle once when Trey's parents were trying to teach the Unicorn to swim. Riddle has not forgotten or forgiven the bite as it did need stitches. To this day, Riddle refuses to swim with Trey because Trey bit him when they were kids.)
Warnings: yandere, yandere relationship, yandere behavior, multiple competing yandere, romantic intentioned Yandere, platonic intentioned Yandere, Harpy, Selkie, Sphinx, Spirits, Dragon, Hellcat, Vampire Bat,
~~~~~~~~
"Any word on what has been decided?"
The staff murmured quietly in the very early morning, most of them somewhat asleep as they met for what felt like the umpteenth time in the past three weeks. They had much to discuss and iron out as a group given the more than eventful few weeks it had been. Barely into the official academic year and they already had to meet almost every other day due to the impromptu student.
Not to say they minded the soft and abnormal student they all found themselves adoring and looking after, more they minded how others seemed to look at that soft student. Many of the staff were of the mentality that they had to be guides and enter parental-like roles for this wayward soul tossed to the mercy of the least inviting academic setting to such a creature. Most students of Night Raven College were confrontational, selfish, and butting heads on a good day. Tossing in a lone female student in an all male student body was trouble, tossing a soft Human female into the adult all male population of Night Raven students? An absolute upheaval of social norms and settings.
The staff had no choice but to take on parental roles, lest the students gnaw free of their own inhibitions and leap like slavering beast at the soft Human. At least with the staff standing at the ready as deterrents, few students had the agency to try anything. Still, that didn't mean the many self proclaimed poachers and Humanfuckers alike weren't equally thrown off by the staff.
Beyond the threats on Sage Island, more still needed to be discussed.
"The evidence was more than damning, and it wasn't hard to figure out where he had been siphoning funds from. To think, someone so high-ranking could turn on a critically- and effectively extinct- species to secure their own fragile sense of power. The execution will take place in a few weeks time. She is required by the laws observed in the Queendom of Roses to be present and even witness the beheading."
Professor Trein winced at this, setting down his delicate tea cup in the saucer. The older Sphinx had been the primary source of fatherly wisdom as he raised his own cubs and had the most accurate recollection of Human history in Twisted Wonderland. Naturally, he was opposed to such a grisly prospect.
"Where I agree the punishment must be severe for the crime committed, does she truly need to be present for that? It is a messy affair to see a beheading and I can't help but worry she may not be able to handle such a violent act done exclusively in her name."
"I disagree," Divus now spoke up, tapping his typical riding crop against his leg in thought, "I feel she will be more than willing to see the one who targeted her and Grim be punished for his crimes. Now, she can't go alone, that is out of the question, but who would be assigned to go with her? Surely a staff member familiar with the Queendom, such as myself, but we all know the upheaval that will come from all students should we limit who is allowed to attend."
"Perhaps it would be best to let her decide who she feels safest with? It is several weeks out, we have time. What is more pressing of an issue is who shall be next to act as her guards this time around. There is also the issue of Mr. Draconia being absent from Diasomnia for so long. To restrict his access would be best for Diasomnia, but may result in violence from him."
Crowley tilted his head before he seemed to realize the problem. He had forgotten to do the raffle again which meant none of the students knew who was expected to act as guards. Hopefully with this changing of the guard, Hades would also be content to return to the Isle of Woe.
"Why not just select the dorm that has obviously been maligned since her arrival? Savanaclaw deserves to be selected and Leona has more than proven he is a competent protector on several occasions."
"Excellent idea! Though, there is no Vice-Housewarden for Savanaclaw. Perhaps it should be a rule that at least two or more students from the dorm need to be selected as guards. Though I don't doubt Mr. Kingscholar is effective on his own, more eyes to watch for danger is not a bad idea."
~•§•~
You were somewhere between asleep and awake as you cuddled into the blankets and the warmth that seemed to surround you. Snoring softly in your arms was Grim as the young Hellcat decided early in the evening that he was going to stay close to you. Behind you, with his arms, tail, and wings wrapped around your figure, slept Malleus. The Dragon had been insistent that you stay in his embrace following the increased interest you gained after your day-long cooking feast.
As far as you were aware, everyone in the nest was still asleep.
Somewhere you vaguely figured that everyone was going to spend the day sleeping off the copious amount of sweets and other foods you had made the day prior. Ruggie had looked like a bloated balloon about to pop by the end of the day, though he certainly wasn't alone in that respect. Several students remained in the many different unoccupied rooms in Ramshackle following the feasting, Ruggie included.
Honestly, you were surprised when he began to weep upon eating a donut. It was odd to see the large fat tears rolling down his muzzle as he began obsessively shoving more of the fried sweet into his face, but his continued consumption told you he was happy. He ate until he was flat on the floor with his bloated belly on full display. Part of you wanted to scratch the little heart shape on his stomach, but your respect for the Gnoll kept you from treating him like a puppy.
Trey had been enthused with the donuts more than you expected and he was eager to help in every step of the process. From using the standing mixer- of which he begged Idia for his own- to helping you concoct the exact portioning of powdered sugar to water ratio for the glaze. With how happy the Kelpie was in the creation and consumption process, you vaguely began to consider Crowley's somewhat flippant question from earlier.
Perhaps you should take him up on teaching cooking classes. If all the ones who took the course were as willing to learn as Trey, perhaps it could be the start of something grand.
While you were lost in thought a soft light compelled you to open your eyes. Glowing on the other side of the room was a mirror, seeming to be shining from within. Something deep within your very soul urged and begged you to investigate, carefully wriggling from the Dragon's hold.
The only indicator that Malleus noticed your lack of warmth was the way he seemed to furrow his brow. Luckily for you, you had chosen a spot near the edge of the nest and didn't have to sneak across your nestmates. It vaguely intrigued you that you managed such a feat, as they had previously been woken by very little in the past. Perhaps it was your innate tallent to sneak away despite being entangled, or perhaps something more were at play.
As you approached the mirror, a soft whispering of many voices could be heard. It hummed and murmured words too low for you to understand and seemed to only intesnify as you got closer. When your hand reached out to touch it, the whispers fell silent leaving you in the quiet room once more.
You only somewhat noticed the movement in the corner of your eye, so dazzled by the mirror you almost missed the translucent figure floating next to it. The figure had a gaunt look to it as it was skinny and ethereal floating before you. Despite the oddity of its presence, you didn't feel afraid of it. If anything, the specter seemed to be Human.
Beckoning, the silent being floated backwards and away from you, encouraging you to follow the insistent gestures. A faint voice hummed in your mind as the spirit phased through the door.
'P l e a s e . . . T h e r e i s m u c h t o b e s a i d.'
You were hesitant and cautious, but this image of a Human in a world where Humans were extinct was rare. If there was a chance this thing was Human, or once was Human, you had to at least try to investigate it. Maybe they could help you get home without the monsters following suit.
Stepping lightly- oddly silent in the old creaking dorm- you followed the beckoning spirit.
The being led you to an old forgotten storage room across Ramschackle. Despite the unkempt look of the room it was void of all dust and incredibly cold. It was there two other spirits appeared, one was oddly small and difficult to see from how faded it was, barely visible among the many boxes. Last was a large spirit that was surprisingly opaque despite the ghostly appearance of the other two.
"What'dya know? A Human. You're actually... I thought we were all gone."
The largest of the spirits hummed out, a deep voice they kept low to minimize the sound they made. They looked so Human and yet the see-through appearances of the first two led you to believe they were dead. You didn't know actual spirits were a thing, but then again this world was quite different from your own.
"Sorry for frightening you," the first spirit spoke in a reedy whisper, "but I couldn't risk them noticing. It is hard to find a moment alone with you."
"Unfortunately, I rarely get to be alone these days."
"We've noticed. We're Human- well, we're what's left of the Humans that lived on this world. We want to help you. You're a lot like us, but something tells me you're not from here. Even so, you have the same aura as us."
"Aura?"
The three ghosts nodded, the room around you suddenly going pitch-black. A soft glow came from the spirits and the second moved around you, covering your eyes with their transparent hands. Through their fingers you could see a similar glow coming from yourself.
"Something spirits can see about other spirits. Through a spirit, the living can see it as well. All Humans have this aura and it seems to magically impact the other species."
"I thought Humans didn't have magic?"
"We don't. We have something else, kind of like a natural armor or defense instead of magic. The way it impacts magic users is stronger than any of them realize. It's how we knew you were a Human for sure."
"Wait, I'm not from this world, why do I have this aura too?"
"We don't know. I think your world came from ours, or you somehow did. Not sure. All I need to know is you have somewhere to go back to. You shouldn't stay in this world with them, and we are willing to help you find home again."
You somewhat perked up at this, glad to hear the spirits intended to help you. The largest of the spirits gestured the mirrors.
"We can look around the different mirrors and see if one can send you back, but it takes time. We don't want to risk being seen."
"I wouldn't want you all being discovered because of me."
"We've been here a while, we can hide well enough."
"... Will you let me know if you find anything?"
"The moment we find something, we will try to tell you. Still, it's nice to see one of us alive."
"I have so many questions for all of you, if you'll indulge me."
"We can try to answer your questions, but there isn't much time. Once the others notice your absence, they will search."
"How does this 'aura' act as a defense? Does it deter or encourage-?"
The sound of movement, fast and frantic, met your ear. No doubt the Dragon awoke and was less than pleased to discover you were missing from the nest yet again. Since you left Grim there- fully intending to double back for him if shown the way to escape- they no doubt took your absence as a grave concern. You couldn't let them find the Human spirits.
Without another word you ducked out of the room, closing the door behind you as you turned towards where the sound had been. Frantically searching the various empty rooms was Malleus, his eyes glowing in the darkness as he glanced over another empty room. The floorboards creaked loudly beneath you, making his gaze snap over to you sharply, dark pupils expanding as they landed on your figure.
He was quick to approach you and examine your figure for any injury. When he saw you were unharmed he breathed out a long sigh of relief, those same eyes locking on you as a pout took over his lips. You would have laughed at the almost innocent look of displeasure but something told you Malleus would not appreciate the act very much. It was odd to think about, but Lilia told you during the feasting about Malleus and his proclivity to possessive behavior.
According to Lilia, all Dragons obsessed over their Hoard, to the point of violence towards others. Hoards were exclusive and built upon the personal taste of the Dragon, guarded as greedily as treasures and jewels. You were more prone to wandering than the other members of the Hoard and it distressed the Dragon to know you could wander off from his protection so easily.
"(Y/n), why must you insist on disappearing at all hours of the night? It was my understanding that most creatures are not nocturnal."
"Sorry, Tsuno, I couldn't sleep. Nightmares again..."
His hard expression softened at this, seeming more understanding with your vague explanation. The pair of wings lowered as he calmed and took in your relaxed presence, relaxing as well. Truthfully, he struggled to remain displeased with you and felt compelled to forgive as soon as he understood you were safe.
"I often find my own sleep to be restless most nights. It has been somewhat better, having my Hoard around me almost every evening thanks to you, but I too struggle with rest. You are always welcome to wake me if you cannot sleep. What were you doing this far into the dorm and away from your room?"
You avoided the question somewhat, instead trying to steer the conversation a different direction. Hopefully Malleus wouldn't press the issue as you had no desire to share your new secret with anyone just in case.
"Exploring to quiet my mind. Are all Fae nocturnal?"
"No. There are Night Fae and Day Fae. Lilia, Sebek, and I are Night Fae. Sebek is half-Fae technically, but still Night Fae all the same. Night Fae are typically nocturnal."
"... Tsuno, can we sit somewhere? Somewhere quiet, or even the roof would be fine, it feels too stuffy in here."
You were surprised when Malleus lifted you quickly, exiting the large window nearby. A startled cry escaped your lips in a squeak which only made the Dragon chuckle, carrying you up to the roof of Ramshackle with several beats of his wings. Sometimes you forgot Malleus was not Human and even forgot he was considered one of the most powerful in the world.
The Dragon hesitantly set you down, hands struggling to release you now that he was acutely aware of how high up you both were and how fragile you were compared to himself. His tail raised up to somewhat act like railing around you, ensuring there was no way you could fall as you both sat. It felt excessive for him to be so protective of you, but he still seemed much calmer now.
On the horizon, light slowly began to seep into the sky as the sun started the long tireless treck across the sky once more. Something about this place seemed so keen to wake you before the sun. As the stars flicked out of sight one by one, your nightmare from what feels like ages ago caressed the edges of your mind.
Your survival hinged upon staying around the monsters that were fond of you, but you needed to be alone to talk to the Human spirits without exposing them. A present need to be protected at all times yet what you truly wanted was kept at bay by that same protection. Freedom in a world that both cherished and despised you was a laughable concept.
Of course, this was also not to mention how none of your protectors seemed particularly mentally sound. Even the noble Malleus had this obsession to him, but then again it could just be the fact he is a Dragon. The words of the ghosts echoed in your mind as did the questions you were desperate to ask. Perhaps the reason these monsters acted the way they did was because of that aura the ghosts mentioned.
"Tsuno, how did you know I got up?"
"Your warmth lets me know you are alive and safe. Silver has a similar warmth, but many Fae do not have the same heat to them. The nest gets cold without you there warming it up. What I want to know is how you left the room without waking us. The doors and floors creak, you shouldn't be able to be so quiet."
You hummed, having wondered the same question. It was very likely that the ghosts of the past Humans have been aiding your escape from the nest. Truthfully, you had noticed how silent you had been while following the ghosts versus the loud floorboard creak when you approached Malleus.
"I don't know. I just got up and walked out. It didn't seem quiet to me-"
"MAMA!"
The sudden cry of a familiar voice had you sharply standing, Malleus following suit as your stress rised exponentially. That voice belonged to none other than Grim and it made your heart hurt horribly to hear the frantic wailing. Malleus was quick to grab you once more, ducking back into the window you came from.
You didn't even wait until Malleus had let you go before you wrenched yourself from his grasp and shot off down the hall. The crying continued and you almost threw yourself into the door to get to the sobbing kit. His paws covered his eyes and his wings smacked away Lilia's hands as the Bat was attempting to soothe him.
"Grim!"
"Mama!"
The Hellcat thew himself into your arms, snuggling and cuddling into your embrace as he sniffled and mewled pathetically. You were quick to hold securely to the little feline that hiccuped and sobbed.
"Grim, honey, what happened?"
"I w-woke- woke up, an-and- and you were- you were gone!"
"I'm sorry, sweetling. I had a bad dream and Tsuno was talking to me. We didn't want to wake any of you."
The kit sniffled, looking up at you with those large blue eyes as he pressed his cheek against your chest. His fur was fluffed and his eyes were swollen with tears as he used his small paws to grab your hand and rub against your fingers. You quickly picked up that he wanted to be pet, stroking the soft gray fur of his little head.
"So- so you're not- not leaving? Y-you're not ab-abandoning me?"
"No. I would never abandon you. If I planned to leave, I'm taking you with me. No way would I ever leave you behind like that. Never."
"Ne-never ever?"
"Never ever."
This seemed to be enough to soothe the sniffling Hellcat as he hiccuped and sniffled, cuddling into your warm arms and slowly quieting. As Grim calmed, you began to calm as well, cradling the little cat affectionately. Lilia cast a quick glance at Malleus, the two speaking with their eyes before he looked back at you, approaching slowly to not seem like a threat to you or your young Hellcat.
"He was frantic when he couldn't find you in the nest," Lilia started, peaking over at the kit, "I figured you were with Malleus, but he wasn't hearing any of it."
You just let the Bat speak as you continued to soothe Grim, kissing the kit's forehead. This made Grim slowly begin to purr, rubbing up against your hand affectionately. Even if you did find a way to escape with the help of the Spirits, you planned to always bring Grim with you. He was your Boy and you were his Mama, nothing could change that.
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This is by far the furthest I’ve pushed myself with a bloat/stuffing before, my god I feel like I’m about to burst, I just felt so insatiable while I was chugging, like I couldn’t stop!
4L of soda, 2L of icecream, chocolate bars, candy, a sandwich, literally anything I could find I’d consume! Whenever I thought I was at my limit, I’d rest, rub my gut of a few minutes and resume gorging myself to a new limit I could literally feel my gut stretching and making way for my gluttony! 🥴🐷
I’ve never felt like that before, just being able to consume more and more, as if my gut is just allowing me to consume ridiculous amounts so food! I just can’t wait to do the same thing tomorrow, and then the entire weekend 🥵🐷
Now who’s coming over to take advantage of me and forcefeed this gut until I pass out? 🥴🐷
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hiii!!! loving your locket comics!!!!!! just wanted to ask a few questions about your process, if you dont mind :D
whats your general process like?
do you do thumbnails, how do they look like?
roughly how long does it take you to complete a comic panel or page?
how detailed are your sketches? do you do multiple?
do you have any specific techniques for lineart?
do you typically use references for your comics?
generally, how much effort and focus do you put into your comics?
do you have any advice for drawing comics?
sorry for for the absolute bombardment of questions, lmao. just really enjoy your art and comics and very interested in the behind the scenes!! feel free to skip any questions (or this whole ask) well wishes and salutations!!! :D
Hello! I'm so glad you enjoy my comics, and I totally don't mind breaking down the process!
For a normal comic page, I would likely actually write a script since it's much easier to keep track of dialogue and actions. But since these are short, I just write it into my thumbnails.
Step 1: Thumbnails. Easily one of my favorite parts, since I get to throw all my ideas down. I do these comics on a 2-panel grid, so I don't have to worry about actual paneling, and it allows me to focus more on the setup of each shot. Think of it like storyboarding!
Step 2: Add cleaner thumbs if needed. I actually made 3D models of Deadlock and Ratchet's chest in Blockbench, so I often trace them to save myself some time! (It might look insane, but I promise, for me, it's not.)
Step 3: Lettering! I actually like to get the lettering out of the way right away since it can take a while. Ever since I started treating lettering as its own form of art, my skills have gotten better, but it also takes much longer.
Step 4: Clean sketch! I'm just now finding out that people think I’m doing lineart for these? I am not… these are all just clean sketches. Maybe doing the blackwork gives the illusion of lineart?
Step 5: Color! Most of these comics are in black and white to save time, but it also lets me focus on values and shot framing again. I add my glow overlay to the eyes, and boom, done!
Roughly how long does it take you to complete a comic panel or page?
It really depends on how complicated the panels are. I like to step out of my comfort zone. I know the Grimlock and Misfire one took longer because of how many panels there were and the fact that I was drawing characters I’d never drawn before, but I’d say it usually takes around 5-8 hours for a whole page.
Do you typically use references for your comics?
I'm literally the reference GOD- we all know this. But yes, I love using references and doing character studies. I have yet to do a study on LL Drift, but I have a few references of him that I’ve made.
Generally, how much effort and focus do you put into your comics?
I mean, I wouldn't say I don't put in a lot of effort? I put in enough. I don't know… there's a point in the clean sketch process where you can kind of just turn off your brain. I'm passionate about comics, but we can all agree there's a point in a drawing where you just zone out.
Do you have any advice for drawing comics?
I think being able to balance dialogue and visuals is super important. I don't know if you guys have picked up a graphic novel from Barnes & Noble recently, but if you open a page, you'll see a character sitting with the biggest bubble you've ever seen, filled with paragraphs of text. While I get it—being a novel as much as it's graphic—I personally like to visualize emotions more. If it means adding two more panels to make an interesting dialogue setup, I don't mind doing it. Another thing to remember is that not all panels need to have details or 100% effort. Sometimes you need to simplify and move on, and that's okay! Those two extra panels that are giving you a better stage setup might be the ones that need fewer details and less time. I would consider my comic page work and my 4-panel work very different. One is about paneling, setup, and visuals, while the other is very much like storyboarding. Both are skills you learn with practice and study.
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WHY IS THIS SO TRUE because before my transition i felt like i wasn't allowed to or was scared of being feminine because of the reactions i get sometimes from wayy older guys when i went out deciding to wear more fem aligned clothing, and also my parents would lowkey berate me for wearing something experimental. There are also times when i want to buy something in a certain color and people are like "yeah you'd like that because you're a girl!" like ???? so i always felt off but just went along with the girl role even though it was uncomfortable. But lo and behold the tv glowed one day and i realized i was more masculine than i thought ToT
Through this community i was able to unlearn these stupid beliefs that's become the standard, like makeup and dresses = women and sports and action shows = men (there's more to it than that but you get me). This community helped me become more true to myself in terms of both gender and style. I'm practicing makeup now which past me would never thought they'd do hsgfh. i love prince kyle and other creators like him and i just wanna say thank you to everyone making trans babies feel better about themselves
The OP uses he/him pronouns.
#trans experiences#trans masc#gender#trans joy#personal vent#personal shit#lgbtq+#lgbtq community#me to myself: no one asked gurl#<33333
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chasing infinity
@howlsofbloodhounds for you my most enabling moot. i think this is way harder to write than anything i've written before so...
shamelessly ripping off arrival (2016) and story of your life. go watch/read it!!
(cw: suicidal ideation, abuse)
chara is about to turn their back on me as they excitedly go on and on about another game that they've thought of. i want to imprint every detail of this moment in my mind. the cadence of their cheerful speech, the unsuspecting smile on their face, the weight of my knife hidden in the sleeves of my jacket.
this is it. this is when it will all change. an end of a story, and a beginning of another one.
years from now, you'll have heard of this moment recounted by me. we will be sitting in a cafe at the corner of a small street as i finish my story. i will laugh at the gobsmacked expression on your face, and you'll splutter, your rainbow-colored flames sparkling like fireworks.
"what type of story is that?" you'll ask me.
"a tragedy," i'll say, sipping on my piping hot milk coffee. "as life is wont to be."
you'll argue that reality is not a story with a definitive end, and i'll humor you. i can't help but wonder though, what the genre of our story is. i've been wondering for a while. i know how the story will end - i've known for a while. in thousands of you's and me's out there, our story repeats itself over and over again, but i don't think i was, am, and will be tired of it. i wish i could tell you about our story some day, but we'll never have the chance.
i haven't understood how to feel about it, and i doubt i will ever do either.
i guess it is cliche to start the story at the very beginning, but maybe it is warranted. it was disorienting - the moment of birth. the softness of the golden flowers enveloped me, but it was small comfort in the face of the pain shooting across my body. everything about it felt wrong - the broken joints, the hollow face, the nakedness. and yet, it was right.
people say babies are born with limited eyesight that develop slowly after time. but i am doomed to forever be cocooned in infancy - a broken prototype of a being, just good enough to be allowed to exist with the rest of the world.
chara didn't mind me. "hello, partner," they said to me, minutes after i started to exist. i couldn't see them, only able to hear to voice so close to my head. "are you ready for the rest of your life?"
the secret is, i'm always ready. like that one time your friend delta will begrudgingly invite both of us to a hangout, i'll grab an umbrella on my way out. delta will look at me strangely.
"it's scorching today. what are you taking an umbrella for?" he'll ask.
"killer often has a sixth sense when it comes to unexpected things," you'll chime in for me. "and it doesn't hurt being prepared."
delta will squint his eyes at me, who will sport a not-so-innocent smile. "really?"
"really," you'll say before i can say anything, knowing that i'd cause a scene just outside the door just to rile the hotheaded skeleton monster up. "let's just go now, shall we?"
we'll leave our house that we'll have chosen together just three months before. the food at the bar that delta will bring us to will be just average, but you'll enjoy the atmosphere too much for me to say any disparaging comments. we'll sit together in a secluded booth - just the two of us - listening to terrible music and watching as the first snow rain fall down on the street. your hand will hold mine as i'll put my head on your shoulders, finally still.
waterfall is chara's favorite place to visit after new home. there is that one statue in the rainy corridor that they like to visit from time to time, most of the times without me. it is easy to tell that is a weakness to look into, but for some reasons i always refrained myself from doing so. too late now anyway.
like usual, chara took two umbrellas in the bin but neither of them was for me. i was ordered to leave them for an indefinite amount of time, and of course i had to be productive during that free time: finding flowey, finding the remaining survivors, finding new ways to entertain chara.
i went to the echo flower field this time. the usual scripted dialogue lines repeated themselves over and over across the field. i was trying to find anything new, anything that would indicate another change in this game, in this script, that would intrigue chara. this time, i found one.
"hey, do you think we're stuck here forever?"
"why would you think so?"
"... i don't know. it's just a feeling i have lately. everything's been too much."
"... yeah, i understand what you mean. but hey! maybe this won't be the end! maybe we'll get through this." a strained laughter followed. "come on, you're such a pessimist. it's good to practice some radical optimism once in a while, you know?"
"maybe. it's just difficult to have hope when everything is so, well, hopeless." silence. and then, "if you knew this would happen, what would you have done differently?"
"hmm i don't know-"
"-maybe i'd have tried to visit people i love more. tell them what i feel before, well, this happened."
"that's all you'd do?"
"like i said! i don't know what i'd have done. you're the one randomly asking me this!"
"mmmm sorry..."
"hey, no need to apologize. i know you're just as anxious about this as i am."
"don't want to make you feel sad, habibi."
"i'm not. being with you, it's the best thing to happen to me. i wouldn't have done anything differently."
it will be a full four years after we start to live together that you say the word. and i'll freeze. the world will stop as if waiting for what i'll say back to you.
"i love you too," i'll say, and you'll beam, arms carefully hugging my smaller body. i don't know what emotions i'll be feeling at that moment. logically, happiness. most likely, guilt.
i'll be thinking about what i think right now, and i'll laugh at it.
the medics will tell me that it is an inevitable conclusion of your condition, that they are extremely sorry for me to hear this. i'll tell them it's all fine, that i've expected this. and i'll know they won't believe me.
i know illnesses like i know my own body and soul - there's no difference between them. i remember the way the insides of my body burned for the first time, the agony, the delirium. it felt wrong, but it was so right at the same time. this was how i was supposed to be - this is how i will always be. and i've accepted that a long time ago.
chara once used my body as a flower bed. strangely, it was one of the most peaceful game they played with me. just lie there in the dirt and play dead - easy enough. the way the dirt was deposited into my skeleton frame was uncomfortable, but thankfully not painful. chara has always been interested in gardening, but they lack the patience for it. but this time, as they said, this time they would get it right.
"what do you want to grow?" i'd asked them before all of this, as i prepared to lie down in the pit i'd dug for myself with my bare fingers. it'd taken a long while, and my fingers were all sore and dirty by the time i was done.
"buttercups," chara hummed. "i miss them around here. asgore never has them anymore."
i didn't question how chara knew. i didn't question why they cared. i just accepted the answer as it was and plopped my body beneath the dirt. chara had taken care to put my soul somewhere else. somewhere safe. it was nice of them to do so, i thought.
my body, with all its needs, was nothing but a burden anyway.
i don't know if being with you will fix me. i don't know if you care about it. i don't understand you, truly. i wonder if i will.
but i don't have infinite time to think. the world doesn't stop when i languish in thoughts. i'll have infinite time later, but never now.
so i'll remember this moment - this last moment between me and a dead child who has been here for too long. i knew this would happen, that everything would come to this point. and then after this, there will be more to come. there will always be more to come. so i hold my knife above chara's head as their back is fully turned. after them, there will be another, then another, then another, then one day it will be you.
i can't wait to see you.
#killing everyone with this#this is what happens when you guys enable me#i write#killer sans#color sans#something new chara#color spectrum duo#colorkiller#buttercup duo#utmv#undertale au
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The future can never be known beforehand, but in your crystal ball eyes I see myself and what you want me to be.
Yuki’s Fandom Analysis and Thoughts
It was after midnight when I saw the news. I was heading to bed and was struck by this thing that has now caused Obey Me to be a trending topic in gaming today, something it hadn’t done in quite a while. Shock, dismay, hope, despair, relief, commiseration, joy, emptiness. Sleeplessness. I took a nap after the Ferris wheel of emotions from talking with everyone and seemed to process the entire gamut of emotion in those few hours, then I went to work because it was just a normal day.
I cried at work. [secretly]
I smartly decided to take a day off today. Throughout, I kept an eye on all my social medias and saw the range of opinions about where the game should have gone or could go next, some rampant rage, confusion, but mostly just sadness. Posts lamenting, posts agonizing, because this is what fandom is. We are all the emotions that can ever exist and at any given point we as individuals become fixated on a certain genre of them. No matter what we each thought to ourselves about individual elements, we are joined here by this love that we feel for the game because we can only feel a loss this strongly if we also love just as strongly.
I decided to take a breather from social media and opened the apps. It felt so strange. Obey Me wasn’t an mmorpg. There was never any physical people in there aside from the friends we got ap from. The tactile features, the noises, texts and pop ups were the same, so why did it feel so empty?
It’s because the fandom was mourning. I realized that when the fandom is joy, I am joy. When the fandom is sad, I am sad. I and you and others are fandom and fandom is what made the games what they are. Fun.
We are what keeps this world running.
Everything we had as a fandom, as friends, acquaintances, even if you were just a random blurb attached to squishy avatar to me, all this was meaningful beyond the constraints of the game.
But we are hurt. If we are to take Obey Me’s rules to heart where we are the MC of our universe, this was literally world-shaking news. We need to allow ourselves to process these feelings (even me, who didn’t treat the inhabitants as my romantic partner). We need to do it on our own terms and not on someone else’s timeline.
The official statement is vague on purpose, and everyone is preparing themselves for the end, but the future can never be realized beforehand. I don’t care for self-fulfilling prophecies if the only reward at the end is being able to say “I was right”. They gave me a rescue hook and I’m skewering myself on it. I’m passionate about what I love and I’ll let it drive my action; whether critically or lovingly. We took a hit yesterday and I’m still feeling it today, but that’s exactly why I want to support this fandom in anyway I know how in whatever way I know how.
Here is where you’ll find me.
(I remastered my “Hug Day” art for this. I usually repost the original when I’m feeling sad and Diavolo’s stupid silly face actually makes me less sad. Imagining this big awkward dude earnestly trying to make me feel better puts the smile back on my face where it belongs, so let me eat my bittersweets and don’t tell my dentist)
Live discussion on Reddit
#obey me isnt ending so please dont treat it like it is#obey me#obey me nb#obey me nightbringer#obey me analysis#obey me thoughts#obey me characters#obey me boys#obey me diavolo#obey me mephistopheles#obey me lucifer#obey me barbatos#obey me shall we date#obey me fanart#obey me fandom#obey me game#obey me mc#obey me one master to rule them all#obey me swd#my safe art
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Round 2: Fandom Wrapped (Writer Edition) 2024!
Thanks again to @kattyelf for the template. A blank one can be found at @twiyorbase for anyone who wants to do their own!
Detailed reflections under the cut.
This is a long, introspective post. Forgive me if I sound self-absorbed in all this reflection.
The past year has been a unique one. The last long fic I completed was more than ten years ago in the Aladdin fandom. I dabbled in shorter, more stream-of-consciousness fics after that, but hadn’t written or posted a fic since 2016. Then I got into Spy x Family in 2022, devoured tons of fics, and slowly, nervously considered writing again.
There were many reasons I stopped writing. Being busy with real life responsibilities, naturally. I got married and had kids. I had a highly stressful career. With so little time on my hands, I feared that if I tried to write after such a long hiatus, the result would be stilted and disappointing, and I would have “wasted” my precious free time feeling shittier about myself. I’ve had some version of this mindset my entire life: if I can’t do something well, then I shouldn’t bother.
I have @whateversawesome to thank for encouraging me to try my hand at writing again. After the mole hunt arc was published, an idea struck me quite suddenly—what if Yuri had died or been critically injured in Shellbury? How would Twilight deal with that guilt and how would the identity reveals unfurl in such an extreme scenario? Could Yor ever forgive him?
For months I shied away from writing it. To do the idea justice, I knew it would have to be a long, complex fic. And I continued to have mixed feelings about my last long fic in the Aladdin fandom—regretting parts of the premise and the ship dynamics and the characterizations and just overall feeling ashamed about my writing. I didn’t want to fail—write myself into a corner and abandon the fic or something like that. Right now, on the other end, I still look back on Orpheus sometimes and wonder how the hell I managed to write it. I reread my favorite passages and wonder how I came up with those exact words.
If it may help any writers, I would be happy to share a copy of my brainstorming doc and outline of Orpheus, where I kept track of unresolved plot points, options to resolve those plot points, notes to self to go back and add foreshadowing, and calling out unexpected events in each chapter that I did not plan ahead for. It is a very long doc. But I wanted to remember everything I was thinking at the time as a gift to my future self, in case I ever attempt a big project like this again and feel paralyzed.
Orpheus allowed me to explore themes and beliefs I suppose have been marinating in my heart for years. For anyone who is still interested, below are some of my thoughts and personal experiences around the main themes.
Forgiveness
Forgiveness and redemption are always what I reach for in my serious fics. I think I fumbled it in my Aladdin fic (or didn’t really get to the redemption part), but I was able to explore it more thoroughly and with more integrity in Orpheus, with an additional decade of life experience.
I think forgiveness is a difficult and fascinating theme to handle because it is so highly personal and often carries memories of deep hurt for ‘victims’ or shame for ‘perpetrators’. I was grateful when readers sometimes shared their personal beliefs and experiences with it in their comments. In order to treat this theme with respect, I wanted to convey that forgiveness should not come cheaply. That is not to say it’s bad to be merciful and quick to forgive—those are amazing virtues. But the act of forgiveness comes at a cost and can be incredibly painful. The cost does not simply vanish due to good feelings or an act of the will.
Someone can either withhold forgiveness and make the other person pay the cost—in Orpheus, this would have been Yor rejecting or taking revenge on Twilight and leaving him to feel horribly guilty about Yuri’s injury for the rest of his life. Or they can choose to forgive and pay the cost themselves. In my own experience it feels physically painful. It feels like extreme grief. This is what I wanted to portray, the devastation to the spirit, as well as the catharsis that can follow. Because after the cost is paid, what we gain is healing. The ability to move on and no longer feel like we’ve swallowed glass. And the mending of a relationship, if both sides are willing. In the case of Yor and Twilight, it makes their relationship even stronger, like a broken bone healing stronger than before. And it adds weight to the trials they would face together after that moment.
Forgiveness of self / Perfectionism
Of all the conflicts in the fic, “Twilight vs. himself” is the last one to be resolved. Even after the man has been forgiven by the people he loves, he still struggles not to hate himself. To find his life to hold any value outside of being a highly competent spy. I think many people go through some version of this struggle. I certainly did and still do sometimes, with regards to work and career.
I chose Orpheus as the title to illustrate the journey of someone who carries an enormous burden on their shoulders. Trying to save the person they love and having to follow a strict rule of never turning around or they will lose it all. All the while, the temptation to look back is incredibly powerful. Twilight bears the burden of WISE’s expectations as their top spy, the hero who has stopped nuclear missile launches, who will supposedly prevent the next war from breaking out. He also carries the expectations of his newfound family which call him to turn away from the ruthlessness of his mission. To look back at them, and not abandon them for the sake of world peace. And finally he carries the guilt of what happened to Yuri, and the pain of keeping all the secrets resulting from Shellbury.
In Orpheus, Twilight harbors both a very low sense of self-worth as well as a highly inflated sense of self-importance. He sees himself as a discardable tool who has done unforgivable things for his missions, with no right to love and be loved. But at the same time he sees himself as the lynchpin to maintaining the fragile geopolitical peace. Responsible for never screwing up, ever. Responsible for the fact Yuri was shot, even though he tried his best to spare him. He’s an unreliable, self-absorbed narrator, and the other characters around him also parrot his guilt back at him throughout most of the fic. Until the end, where I try to address the illusion of control and how a good portion of his guilt is unrealistic and undeserved.
Unfortunately for many people who carry this kind of burden, no one tells us that it’s okay to turn around. That we are indeed not responsible for more than our own choices, and we certainly cannot be responsible for circumstances outside of our control. I’ve worked jobs where I’ve been asked to do the impossible. My first job out of college, the expectations were incredibly high. I got no training and was thrown into a project in a foreign language and an unfamiliar industry. I pulled so many late nights that in the second week I fainted on the way to the office. And I was told this was normal. That in order to succeed like everyone else, I would figure out a way to solve each problem thrown at me, no matter how impossible.
And what sucks is when you start succeeding. You pull off miracle after miracle and then people start expecting it of you like it’s normal. The reward for success isn’t a break. It’s more work. Harder work. And you buy into that unrealistic narrative that you should be able to do it or something must be wrong with you, you must be broken and can’t perform like you used to. And when you finally break, you get spit out and discarded like an outdated machine. They find the next, younger miracle worker to buy into the narrative.
Knowledge vs Wisdom
This is an easier one. Funny that Twilight’s agency is called WISE in canon. But what is wisdom? The ability to discern between right and wrong, to utilize knowledge effectively for the greater good, to know how to truly live life and live it well.
Twilight strikes me as the kind of person who uses knowledge as a weapon, not too dissimilarly to Yuri who literally states “knowledge is power.” Twilight hoards knowledge like building an arsenal, so he can always be prepared for any problem. And this is how nations treat knowledge (intel) in the real world. Constantly trying to gain an information advantage on the enemy.
But how does one know if one’s strategy to use all that knowledge is right? In Orpheus, the Ostanian state exhibits little wisdom in its pursuit of endless knowledge, experimenting on children and prisoners and animals to gain an edge over its rivals and amass more power for those at the top. At the same time the competition and backstabbing between the various arms of the state are almost childish in their motivations, the epitome of foolishness. Knowledge on its own does not build trust or confidence—but it can build hubris and confusion and distrust.
One unexpectedly fun part of writing Orpheus was the dynamics between Garden and WISE. While there is distrust at the start, the leaders and members of both sides demonstrate wisdom in how they navigate the partnership and grant trust to each other bit by bit. And this feels very counterintuitive to spies who build careers off of lies and masks, as they find that truthfulness can unlock results so much faster than subterfuge. At least when it comes to dealing with Garden.
On a final note on this topic, I find it interesting that in canon Donovan Desmond claims it is impossible to know what other people are thinking and therefore human beings can never trust each other. And yet the highest form of knowledge (second only to knowing God), in my opinion, is to truly know another person to the depth of their soul. To know a person completely, and to trust and love them regardless. This is what all people yearn for, even people like Twilight who have made a fortress of masks around their true self. And this kind of knowledge is what requires deep wisdom to wield well.
Sigmund Authen’s gift of the Tree of Life plaque and the accompanying wisdom quote was an unexpected event I did not plan in my outline for Chapter 33. So was Barbara’s advice to Yor in Chapter 34, which I will end this long ramble with:
Before the two left, Barbara turned and patted Yor’s arm. “I know what it’s like to be married to a brilliant man, dear. Don’t feel discouraged. They don’t need their brilliance and worldly achievements so much as they need our love. I know it can be exhausting sometimes, but I’ve stuck by my Siggy this long through thick and thin. What he didn’t mention amidst all that blather about wisdom is that even wisdom isn’t the final goal of all of mankind’s striving. Love is. What is a life full of wisdom and philosophy if it doesn’t help you find love and keep it? In my simple little mind, that’s what wisdom is for. Goodnight, dear. Thank you for having us over.”
And that's a wrap for my 2024!
#spy x family#writing#twiyor#fanfic#orpheus#agent twilight#loid forger#yor forger#fandom wrapped 2024
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Cure narratives: when fiction depicts a disability being cured. Because no one on the internet has nuance, it wound up getting overwhelmingly presented as "you should never depict curing disabilities because that's ableist." This rested on the fact that for neurodivergence-type disabilities, "curing" the disability means fundamentally changing the person; you're born neurodivergent and it's an integral part of who you are. (And also this slides really, really easily into eugenics.)
But disability is a broad umbrella! Even with the social model of disability (and if you want a beautiful fictional examination of the social model, look up The Fledging of Az Gabrielson; the author thought through every detail of what it would mean to not have wings in a world where everyone has wings), chronic pain is disabling no matter how well society accommodates it. The vast majority of people with chronic pain would like to not have chronic pain.
There are also some things that exist on a spectrum. I'm not qualified to give an expansive discourse on Deaf culture, but there is a schism between the people who are culturally Deaf and see that as worth preserving and the oralists who lean into cochlear implants and seeking to eliminate it. (For that matter, while it's highly taboo to talk about it and I don't think it's common, neurodivergent people who want a cure do exist. I'm not going to get into all the complications and controversies of John Elder Robison because that's an essay in itself, but look at his book Switched On for something adjacent to that perspective.)
So you wind up with a lengthy set of discussions about what is and isn't acceptable to depict-- and it's a lot like every other diversity discussion in that market-level generalizations wind up getting held against individual authors. It's a problem if every depiction of disability shows cures (and then you get the related things like the "not really blind" trope where you have characters who are supposedly blind but magic or technology allows them to function as though they weren't with no problems)-- but that got turned into (because no one on the internet has nuance) "you should never depict cures and if you do you're ableist," which in turn sparked backlash from the people for whom the cure narrative is wish fulfillment. (I have myself joked about being a Bad Disabled because my own desires as regards cure do not align with the "You must be proud of your ENTIRE DISABILITY" narrative.)
There's also the fact that even among the wish-fulfillment people, sometimes you want to read about someone who is suffering what you're suffering the way you're suffering it without it being magically cured at the end! Or what's desired is fantasy assistance devices that function like actual assistance devices in that they have drawbacks and trade-offs and assist without making the character functionally not disabled.
So I feel like the people in anon's fandoms probably got into the "it is ableist to depict cures" thing with the same level of nuance typical of People On The Internet (which is to say, none) and then mangled it even farther. There's probably also some influence here from a related conversation, that of using fantasy substitutes instead of giving your character real-life actual disabilities, but again, that's a spectrum and depends a lot on how well you do it, and I see it happening more frequently with people wanting to write Stereotype Neurodivergence without considering whether it has any resemblance to actual neurodivergence than I see it with physical disabilities. (See also Sheldon Cooper.)
So now that we've gotten to the end of my essay (this is probably a bit more than you thought you were getting when you asked the question), further reading if you're still so inclined:
"The Trope of Curing Disability" at Disability in Kid Lit
"Disability Tropes 101: The Magical Cure" at Dis(abled) Embodiment
Brilliant Imperfection by Eli Clare
The Disability Visibility Project
"The Complexities of Curing Disabilities" by Emily Ladeau
And finally, a bunch of people having a conversation on Reddit.
(And now we have proved once again that you can take the girl out of the library but you can't take the librarian out of the girl.)
Tagging question! In canon, a character has a magic-induced health problem. Basically, every so often, he has days moving his back in any way causes staggering amounts of pain and he has severe fatigue. He can't get upright under his own power during severe episodes. Painkillers do not work. The frequency of episodes starts off once every few months but by this point in canon has become a once or twice a week problem. It can hit right out of nowhere even if he was fine all day today or he can wake up with it.
Fandom wank being what it is, people keep insisting to me that this is not a disability. I tagged the fic with Disabled Character because since he's the main character of the fic and this... look, I'm not disabled? I could be wrong. But to me this feels like a disability. If I met someone with this IRL with a non-magical cause I would go, "I 100% believe this qualifies as a disability" without question. But oh, wow. The fandom does NOT agree with me on this. I've gotten several annoyed remarks by people informing me that this is belittling the pain actual disabled people have because disabilities, unlike curses, can't be lifted. And I can see that there's a difference. Thing is, he can't canonically afford to pay to have the curse lifted. He's stuck with it.
Because every single person in this conversation is abled, though, I feel like they're not who I should be listening to. OTNF, I know your readership includes disabled people. Do you/they have any suggestions? Does he qualify as disabled, or am I too attached to my headcanon-y idea of him as being a metaphor for disability?
--
I don't think that's a metaphor. I think that's a canonically (magically) disabled character.
What say you, readers?
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Work your magic.
Scar x Mage! Healer! Gn! Reader
From this message (CAUSE I FORGOT TO TURN THE ASKS THING ON BEFORE AND REALISED SO LATE 😭)
Warnings: mentions of illness, violence and drug use [not Reader], should be mostly fluff though, banished mage reader, okay.. I kinda gave Reader an adoptive daughter I can't help it I'm sorry.
Extra: The person requested for the reader to be strong, so I went with the route of them being able to create and manipulate detailed and realistic illusions, and their strength is in that sort of field rather than battle strength. So they have a more mental strength and can manipulate dreams although its not really a main point.
DID I NAME SCARS BABY? YES. I NAMED HER RIRI OKAY? ITS CUTE. SHE'S CUTE.
Summary: Y/n, a mage, who has wandered too far from home finds themself under the care of the firelights. Or perhaps the firelights have found themselves in their care. A particular chirean takes interest in their less than typical methods of calming people.
Masterlist.
---
Its been too long since I have seen my family. I come from a place far from here, so far I'm not even sure it is of the same plane of existence. My home feels foreign to me now. Years have passed since I was there. Banishment does tend to keep a person away I suppose.
Since I have wandered to a new home, a place I stumbled upon by chance. No, even that isn't right. I stumbled upon the person running this place is more accurate, he was shielding a small injured girl from harsh weather and clearly manic due to the fear of losing the child in the even harsher city of Zaun. I offered them help as I was nearby enough with a place to stay. I couldn't be more glad that Ekko accepted my help that day, as stubborn as he can be.
Its only been a couple of weeks since such an event, but Flora has healed quickly with my help and has been helping introduce me to the Firelights. She's a sweet girl who now seems rather attatched to me and tends to stick around the medical area that I have taken residence in. Ekko, the leader, has helped me get more comfortable here and I couldn't be happier. Or maybe, I could be happier. I've never tried to be more than just content, its all my family allowed until I tried something new and got myself banished.
In the past few weeks, many people have come to me for assistance. Plenty injured from time out on the streets, a few scraped and scratched children and returning firelights after their dangerous missions. It worries me how many shimmer affected patients I've recieved, this drug is a foreign concept to me still but calming those affected with illusions of things they enjoy seems to solve their aggression for a time until the drug wears out. Healing can only help so much when the wounds are not visible. I find much more difficultly with these patients, but if I weren't up to the challenge I would have left.
-
Flora had just settled in for the night, a small loft area for her to use as she pleases. Although she doesn't have a proper room, I plan to change one of the unused rooms into a proper space for her if she wishes. For particularly gruesome patients, I always ask her to return to her normal room and she does. What a sweetheart. I hum a tune as I pack away balms and bandages to use another day. The quiet is nice with the shadowy atmosphere, few things would dare disturb such a calm. Few, but never zero.
The door is quickly flung on its hinges as Scar, Ekko's seemingly stern right-hand man, bursts into the room, startling me and Flora, who was very nearly drifting off. His eyes are wide with a certain kind of distress only a worried father can display. In his arms is his screaming baby girl, the poor dear clearly unwell. Not a word is said as I take her from his arms and usher her to the nearest and softest place to lay her. Scar seems to shake with terror. He must be almost as frightened as her.
I gently feel her forehead to vaguely check my suspicions of a fever and am pleased to have guessed correctly. I swirl my hands with a dark blue starry mist forming into shapes and animals, floating and playing with one another as a distraction for the poor baby. Her cries seem to dull, if only for a moment. Her concentration taken from what I could only assume to be a headache and placed on a starry fox prancing amongst a now fully formed forest scene. With the distraction working, I quickly gather a child friendly medication for her. Its a sweeter flavour than most but she surely won't mind or care as she is too enraptured by the friendly forest creatures of my hometown.
She doesn't fight or fuss over the medication, simply grumblles a little, and turns back to her little show. However, I'm reminded of another presence when the silence is broken by his ragged breathing. I assume Flora is asleep after the littlest was calmed. I pick her up and move towards where Scar is sat. The larger man looks utterly horrified, his normally steady stance shattered at the thought of his daughter being deathly ill. Luckily, it seems to be not much more than a fever and headache.
"Rough day?" I ask simply as I bounce her lightly in my arms before handing her back to Scar. He sighs as he carefully grips her small form, his lip twitches up in a quick huff of air and smirk paired as one.
"Something like that. Is she going to be okay?" He quickly switches topics to avoid the obvious worry I have forming for him.
"Of course, it doesn't seem like anything serious. No real magic had to be used aside from my little 'puppet show' for her." I gently tickle under her chin, causing her to giggle at the attention. Scar's eyes bounce up to meet mine, and he smiles. Staring into his eyes, I see the clear tiredness of a struggling parent.
"We shou-"
"You should stay." I catch him before he tries to flee. Why is he so against taking a break? If not for his own sake, why not her sake? "I have a cot she can use, and we have spare room for you both it really wouldn't trouble us. To be able to look after her, you need to be able to look after yourself."
He looks down and grimaces but nods and follows while I guide him to one of the spare rooms that are likely to keep longer-term patients, but I've never had that, so they're empty. I bring him to a room with items for caring for babies and a bed big enough for him to sleep nearby. He lays her down so gently that it makes me honestly question what I even know about the man.
"Thank you." Is the last thing spoken between us as I leave for the night.
-
This is the first of a few of our encounters, seemingly becoming more frequent. His eyes always a sharp contrast to their normal rough shape and instead becoming soft around me and little Riri. Maybe a small bit of progress, but it is progress nonetheless.
She quickly recovered and yet Scar was adamant on staying and asking me to care for her when I could, which was admittedly most of the time since the only patient I seem to ever recieve is the vastayan himself. As though he was allowing only himself to take the rougher hits to get treated by me.
The door to the clinic gently clicks open and Scar appears in the room, Flora and Riri are playing in the far corner and I'm reading a worn down book on the counter.
"Pick up time already? My, how the time flies. I-"
"Actually I'd like to stay tonight, if thats okay?"
My face contorts to one of confusion, but I won't lie and say it isn't a pleasant surprise. I simply nod, thinking he'd leave to the room he's basically claimed as his and Riri's. However as he stops he nods me over.
Curious, I follow without any debate. Flora will look out for Riri and knows what she's doing by now. He sighs as he drops to sit on the bed and pats a spot next to him.
"I, I have had trouble sleeping." He grimaces and puts his back against the wall. "I was wondering if you could use those illusions of yours to help me?"
My eyebrows raise, and my mouth falls open slightly. He's asking me to use my magic on him? I was convinced he hated it as he only ever cautiously stared when I'd used it. I thought he was afraid. His brows are pulled together, and he can't meet my eyes, hands placed on his lap in front of him.
"Why would I ever turn down my second best patient?" I grin at him and he looks up confused.
"How am I second?" Almost offended, a fake snarl on his lips but a slight upturn that is barely hiding a smirk.
"Oh poor dear," my hand gingerly raises to meet his cheek, "are you jealous?"
He quickly breaks and chuckles, fake snarl failing completely, instead changing to a weak smile. Oh, so we are like that, I suppose. The grin on my face turns to a full smile that I hope properly conveys the joy that comes with the accidental confession of sorts.
"How could you possibly be jealous of your own daughter? The little thing has been such an angel, why wouldn't she be my number one." I tease knowing it will irk him slightly.
Before I can revel in my slight victory, he gets in close and grabs a hold of my jaw. Eyes meeting mine in an intense stare before quickly pressing his lips to mine. Simple. Yet so impactful. He pulls back and his eyes droop, the tiredness still there yet he seems far more awake somehow.
"Shut up and work your magic, mage. The quicker your done, the quicker we can sleep."
"We? Whoever said I was going to sleep too?"
"Me."
---
OKAY I THINK I LOST THE PLOT OF WHAT I ORIGINALLY WANTED TO DO WITH THIS PROMPT BUT I can't lie, they're cuties still 🤭
I'll be getting through each request one at a time and will post when I open them up again, sorry this took so long (im still reeling from Act 3 ngl but also life is catching up to me so it might be a sec)
#arcane#arcane x y/n#arcane x you#firelights#arcane season 2#arcane x reader#arcane scar#arcane scar x reader#scar arcane#scar x reader#scar
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babysitting (a dad!chratt installment) ⊹₊⟡⋆
this takes place pre dad!chratt x mom!reader relationship 𝜗𝜚˚⋆ 805 words ! very minor talks of infertility due to health issues, but nothing direct or major
"matt, i-" matt could practically hear his brother, chris, running his hands through his dmessy, brown hair through the phone. "i hate to ask, but is there any way you could watch harper this afternoon?" the boy begged.
matt chuckled, allowing you to feel the deep rumble as you laid your head on his chest, listening to the conversation. "you know you don't have to ask right?"
chris and matt exchanged a few more words, deciding that chris would drop harper off in the next hour. matt hung up the phone, tossing it to the end of the bed, before carding his fingers through your hair.
"i get to see my girl." you mewled happily, still slightly sleepy.
you had always wanted a daughter, but due to your career, as well as certain medical issues, it just wasn't in the cards for you and matt to have biological children. that wouldn't stop you from treating harper like your own, though. the two year old was borderline spoiled, especially when it came to you. she'd come to your and matt's house in a cartoon chracter shirt and leggings, only to be recieved by chris a few hours later in a toddler-sized version of a juicy tracksuit that matched your own.
matt smiled gently at your excitement, knowing how much you adored his brother's daughter. if he were being totally honest, he also considered harper a daughter of his own.
౨ৎ
"mommy!" the sound echoed off the walls of the foyer of home forty five minutes later.
as soon as harper had been able to speak, you had been "mommy" in her mind, and neither you, matt, nor chris had the heart to tell her otherwise. it was nothing short of adorable, after all.
"hey baby!" you giggled, picking the girl up and spinning her around.
chris watched the two of you with a smile, despite the prominent bags under his eyes. "thank you guys. really. i just...it's been a long day and i need some me time."
"who said we were doing you a favor?" you smirked, kissing harper's cheek. "this might be a favor to myself."
it wasn't long until goodbyes had been exchanged, you and matt agreeing that you would babysit for several hours in order to give chris time to reset. being a single dad was hard, and wherever the two of you could help out, you would.
the three of you migrated towards the kitchen to make lunch, harper babbling in two year old language about my little pony. as matt slid chicken nuggets in the oven and began to slice strawberries, you imagined what your life would be like if you two spent time with harper every day. you had always wanted a little girl, and being around one as sweet and well behaved as harper only amplified that want.
"matt?" you said abruptly as you slid harper into the high chair that had taken up residence in your kitchen for babysitting purposes.
"mhm?"
"what if chris and harper moved in with us? like...permanently?"
matt looked up from the oven, placing the tray of nuggets on the stove. "sweetheart, chris and harper have a place." he chuckled.
"but like...we could be built in babysitters," you said, eyes lighting up. as if agreeing with you, harper began to giggle in that adorable toddler way. "you work from home basically, i work from home, it would be perfect! and then we could be one of those cute multigenerational families living together. besides, this house is big enough. we have three unoccupied bedrooms."
you began to talk a mile a minute as the idea came to fruition in your head. matt watched you intently, noticing that you were truly set on this. it would make sense. the two of you had orginially purchased the house before finding out about your health issues, leaving most of the space unoccupied. besides, he could see it in his younger brother's eyes. single fatherhood, along with being a famous youtuber was wearing on him.
matt came around the island, wrapping his arms around your waist and kissing your forehead. "i'll ask chris about it. deal?"
"deal!" you squealed, laughing harder when harper's blue eyes that matched her father's twinkled with excitement as well.
౨ৎ
"daddy?" harper asked as chris slid her coat on.
"yeah, baby?" chris asked, voice more refreshed than when he had dropped his daughter off earlier in the afternoon.
"we lives wif mommy an' matty?"
chris blinked, clearly caught off guard. "uhhh...i dunno, baby. probably not, honey. but we can come back and visit!"
yet as he thanked you and matt for your help and began to pull out of the driveway, he couldn't help but notice the looming emptyness of the home, as well as matt's mouthing 'we'll talk later'.
★ a/n: save me dad!chratt...dad!chratt save me
★ @emely9274 @tyummyz @55sturn @nicksbestie @quinnysnursery @tyummyz , to be added to my taglist, click here!
#© sturniolocafe#dad!chratt⊹₊⟡⋆#chris sturniolo#chris sturniolo fanfic#chris sturniolo fluff#christopher owen sturniolo#christopher sturniolo#chris sturniolo smut#chris sturniolo x reader#chris sturniolo x you#chris sturniolo x y/n#matt sturniolo#matt sturniolo smut#matt sturniolo x reader#matt x reader#matthew sturniolo#nick sturniolo#the sturniolo triplets#matthew sturniolo x reader#matthew sturniolo fanfic#matthew bernard sturniolo
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I know this is cursed but. Please rank DS9 characters in order of how Dominant or submissive they’d be during kink scenes? I feel like we could write whole essays analysing what those guys do in bed tbh.
Oh my god, cackling, is this really what you all think of me? :P (Yeah, no, that's fair 🤣)
This was actually so interesting to think about! I was finding it very hard difficult to decide on an order on initial vibes alone, so I wrote up my headcanons for them all first - and a few of them are surprising even to me! Also there are so many switches/not really into it so the middle is really very fuzzy.
1 - Ezri Yeah, definitely a surprise to find her at the top of my list, but I so really think she'd get a kick out of the dom scene (and mostly dislike subbing). She's just got that quiet powerful energy that makes you want to be in her thrall, and being joined and having Jadzia's memories alongisde her own just makes her more confident that she's good at what she does. She wouldn't dom for brats though. (Also partly why she's so nervous at asking Julian out, she doesn't feel she's got a good read on his dom/sub energy...)
2 - Sisko If he was into it, I can only see him as a dom. He made captain because he's good at commanding, and he likes it, and I think that would carry through into the bedroom. But honestly, he probably wouldn't be interested in power play in the first place.
3 - Jadzia She's a great dom for sure, but I think she enjoys exploring new things way too much not to be a switch? Plus, Worf like to think he's a dom, and she's happy to humour him from time to time. More dom than not, though, and she's definitely a brat when she subs.
4 - Worf I've definitely said this before, but Worf thinks he's a dom. He's a Klingon warrior, etc etc etc, "obviously" if anyone's domming, it's him. I don't think he's that good at it, but Jadzia finds it endearing, so it's fine. And I think he likes it when Jadzia takes charge, but he never actually refers to that as "subbing" in his head... Idk, I just don't think he'd be able to relax enough to really let himself be submissive, even though I think he'd enjoy it if he were able to. (I also don't think he's particularly into power play, either, tbh)
5 - Garak Ohh, another difficult one... I think subbing would be really good for him, if he could let his guard down enough for it. And he'd have to be in the right mood to dom - at times, he'd really enjoy it, at others, it would hit too close to home and he'd be holding off a breakdown until whenever his partner left. I think he'd *want* to dom, though, even if he knows it'll trigger him, because he does enjoy breaking the other person down and hurting them. (Not that he'd think of it as "triggering" to himself, of course.)
6 - Odo I really cannot see him being into it. No rating. [Edit: I came back to re-evaluate after writing Kira but no. Even for her, it's really not something he wants to try.] [Edit: Fuck, he would dom for Quark though.]
7 - Miles Again, not sure he'd be into power play for itself, but he enjoys playing his role for a partner who's into it. Keiko, I think is a switch with a slight preference for domming, so he's been a sub more often than not. I think his favourite part of it is giving aftercare when he's been a dom :3 (something something good-cop-Miles-bad-cop-Keiko domming the hell out of a dazed Julian)
8 - Julian Disclaimer - I exclusively read sub!Julian, so I'm biased XD But trying to think about it objectively... I think he's a switch. Like Jadzia, he enjoys exploring new things too much to really stick to one or the other. I do think he'd have hangups over how much he enjoys domming though, what with his secret fear of going bad... And being a sub allows him to relax and not have to think and just relish in all the sensations and I think he'd love being slowly taken apart bit by bit...
9 - Kira Sure, she screams dom at first but I pegged her as a sub a few weeks back and now I've really talked myself into it. I think she could dom, but unlike Sisko, while she's very good at being in command, I don't think she intrinsically enjoys it, and letting someone else be in control would give her the chance to relax. It would take her a while to allow herself to explore it, but once she got there, she'd find a space where she can be soft and gentle and cherished - and hurt, and soothed.
10 - Quark Oh my god he's such a sub, right? Not that he'd ever tell anyone but he LOVES being told what to do and ordered around. In theory he's a brat, but it never lasts for long - he becomes a pliant submissive wreck too quickly. (Okay now I'm considering if Odo would break his definitely not rule for Quark and... Yeah, actually 😅 Why would their dynamic change just because they're having sex?)
#lol i got SO into this actually it was super interesting to think about!#thanks for the ask!#now i'm thinking super hard about ezri/kira ngl 👀👀👀#ds9 headcanons#my trek musings#wsb
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Oh boy. I have a lot to say on this. I 1000% think that one of the biggest issues in AWI reenactment is the failure to reach the younger generation and I also wish the article had talked more about this and how it intersects with the inclusion of historically marginalized groups within the hobby.
I’ll put it this way: as of 2024, the BAR has an article in their constitution that prohibits women in ranks. As a young, non-male, and only sometimes white-passing reenactor, this has caused me issues in the past. People from the BAR have complained about me—a young, fairly new, dedicated reenactor—being on the field as a musician. Now, I’ve had the good fortune to be part of a unit with significant influence in the hobby, who have gone to bat for me in these instances and allowed me to feel relatively safe coming to these events, but I still can’t take up a musket at a BAR event if I want to. Over the past year I have become acutely aware that if it weren’t for the fact that I do music and not hat company, I would not be able to interpret at these events in the way I have repeatedly proven myself capable of doing.
So you have the primary overarching association responsible for organizing large-scale AWI reenactments literally denying interested, dedicated people from the younger generation the opportunity to participate in the hobby. And this is just one official organization—this is to say nothing of the culture. At the end of the day, sexism, racism, homophobia and transphobia is rampant in these environments. I do think the culture is slowly improving with time, but still, there are spaces where I do not feel safe in the hobby, and I spend a lot of time considering what my future as a reenactor might look like if I ever decide to medically transition, for example. My love for this hobby means I put up with a lot, even within my own unit, but I cannot fault other people who take one look at this mess and decide it’s not worth it. Of course there are going to be less reenactors. If individual units and the overarching organizations are going to actively resist a new generation of young living historians, interest in the hobby is going to waver.
I also think there’s an important distinction to make between so-called “progressive” units and a broader sense of historical accuracy, because ultimately reenactment is a hobby. I strongly believe that no issue of historical accuracy should take precedent over actual issues of discrimination (if we were going to really pursue historical accuracy, we would be excluding probably 90% of the reenactment community as it is!). But I also believe that the spirit of this hobby is one that is educational and authentic: second to having fun and staying safe, of course, I think the priority should be pursuing as accurate of an impression as you can in the meantime. “Progressive” units often get kind of a bad rap but ultimately I think they have the right idea. They’re what’s going to keep this hobby relevant as an educational tool and pursuit, as opposed to just being a bunch of grown men running around playing war with each other. Progressive units are, in my opinion, the future of this hobby. And yet a lot of more conservative units have this weird resistance to this philosophy simply because they don’t… want to have to adapt to what it means, I suppose. But I really do think that if that philosophy prevails, we won’t have educational reenactment—it’s possible we won’t have much in terms of reenactment at all. Ultimately I want to believe this, too, will improve in time, but the fact that we have to violently contest, for example, whether British soldiers had to shave (which they did) just because some reenactors desperately want an excuse not to… does not bode well for garnering interest from historians and enthusiasts in time for the 250th.
Anyway, that’s been my experience. I should probably stop talking about this because I think about it constantly and could go on forever. But that’s my (admittedly rather scathing) two cents on why this is the case.
Who has Wall Street Journal access I heard there’s an article about 250th reenactors and I need the tea
#one thing I actually am kind of unsure on has been the decline in continental reenactors I’ve been told has been ongoing for the past coupl#years#like the majority of the events I’ve been to this year have had the british vastly outnumbering the americans#which has some interesting implications but again I have no idea what to make of them#there are a lot of factors involved#awi#redcoatposting#historical reenactment#long post
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Is it cheesy to hope everyone feels as loved and/or wanted as this
#day musings#I haven't done a proper one of these in a w h i l e#I think it felt a little embarrassing to gush about them#When I know they have notifs on#but yk it's way past my bedtime#and I just really love my jf guys#Theyre s o wonderful#and I just like. I feel loved#which is a very bright feeling#and being able to allow myself to feel it#when for like so long I wasn't because of some self imposed defense mode#Yeahs#I love them love of my life so /srs#I can barely keep my eyes open to write#Soo#goodniight <3
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Tristan seemed to be surprised by this. He knew that Carl had a stepbrother named Thomas. He also knew all about Thomas and the way he reacted when he became Dr.Two-Brains. That man was honestly so on very thin ice for making his spouse feel like he did. "You're his older brother? We had no idea he had any other siblings." Bailey began to fidget with his hands. "I... am aware of that. Yes. I hadn't realized that I had a younger brother until recently myself. Carl was standing a few feet away from the door, listening in. He was just as confused by this. If he was going to be completely honest. He was only told of his one sibling Thomas. And that was his stepbrother. "I see. Do you want to speak with him? Perhaps another time..." Carl felt like they shouldn't turn him away. "I will be able to talk with him. You and Gene can plan out what you need to do. It's alright. I'll speak with him outside while giving you two privacy." Gene was also feeling protective over his father. Yet from where he stood, Bailey didn't pose much of a threat. If anything, it seemed Carl would easily be able to handle himself against him. "Very well. Please call us if you have any trouble." Tristan moved out of the way, allowing Carl to walk through the door. Leaving the former mad scientist and Tristan to their conversation. "You say that you're my older brother. How do I know that you're telling the truth." Bailey frowned. It wasn't disappointment from Carl not believing him but courage leaving him. "I know it sounds strange, I truly do. But I know you are my younger brother. We share very similar facial features. When I saw you, I just knew that we were family. I had come looking for you in hopes of us meeting. You see, I never got to truly meet my birth family. I was given hope of meeting one of them when I saw you on the news." Carl might have not been a lie detector, but he knew that this man wasn't lying to him at all. It seemed he didn't dare to try. "Very well. We can speak. I can see what you are referring to. We do have very similar facial features. Genetic features." At the library, Matthew's thoughts were racing. He wanted to chase after that blasted woman, but if Matthew were to do that, Miss Dewey wouldn't be very happy with that. She would have to report his sudden leaving to Margaret Fuller, and he didn't want to deal with her during such a time. He had to let Evangeline free. Unaware that he wasn't the only one wondering about her whereabouts. "Who was that?" Frank seemed concerned. "It's... very complicated. I can't go after her because of my probation, unfortunately. I had known her for a long time." This answer seemed to have appeased him. "Oh, I hope she will be fine. Hey, on the bright side. I happened to pick you up some snacks as well. Since you seemed occupied. And since we're going to be working buddies." Matthew gave him an appreciative smile. "Oh, thank you.” Though at the back of his mind. He couldn't shake the expression of confusion on Evangeline's face. Why was she so disoriented? Why was she young, alive? After work, Matthew was going to tell Carl about this. Perhaps not Gene though. He wasn't going to pile his problems into his son's own. He already did so unfortunately. Back at the house. “My love. I can't sit back anymore. Please. I have another solution, to ease your mind. Why don't I wear a tracking device of your own creation? This will ease your mind. Knowing where I am if I were to disappear. Don't you have anything of the sort already set to be used?” Gene's eyes widened at that. Why didn't he think of it? “Tristan, you're brilliant!” Finally they were on the same page. “If I'm taken, you'll be able to find me and send help. If I'm not taken by this being, we'll be able to track down my brother and our spouse. Either way we'll be able to get them back. I promise, my love.” Gene was quiet for a moment before embracing the other. “If things go wrong, I hope you know you'll be sleeping on the couch. Fine then. I want them back just as much as you do.” Tristan gave him a reassuring squeeze. “As you wish.”
@ninjastormhawkkat
"Hold on a minute, some weird guy is staring at me. Probably some bum trying to get change off of me." Comments like that had ensured he would absolutely be relieved of guilt for what was to happen next. A smile spreads across the figure's facial features, revealing inhumanly sharp teeth glinting in the street lights. A hand quickly shot out, taking a hold of the rather obnoxious man. "What the hell are you doing-" A scream soon pierced the quietness of the night. It quickly became a horrendous gurgling noise. The cellphone in the man's hand had fallen in the process. Leaving the person on the other end to become worried and confused about what was happening to the man. It didn't take very long for the man to become completely still. The figure allows him to finally fall to the cement below, licking at his blood stained lips in satisfaction. "The night, it is still so young. I don't think I shall waste another minute on you." Like a ghost in the night, he had vanished. As if he were never there. Leaving only the grotesque mess he had made for others to find. Unknown to him, there was a witness to this who had seen the whole thing. Watching in complete and utter fear. The figure grinned, it was as if he were seeing the world through different eyes. The opportunities that awaited him. It sent a shiver of excitement up his spine. His thirst might have satiated but he wasn't satisfied with only that. Oh no. There was so much more he had in mind for this city. Just wait till morning until they discover his little surprise for all to see. It wasn't until hours later did he finally return to the house. Feeling pleased with himself. Carl shot up in bed, heart racing so fast within his chest. Calming down once realizing he was in bed with Matthew. It took the retired scientist to recognize his surroundings. "That's right.. we're at Gene's place." The dream he had woken up from was already fading from his memory. It was rather absurd, recalling what he could. He could've sworn the dream was incredibly vivid and felt so real. But the little bits of the dream that he did remember became fuzzy and distant in his mind. Carl wasn't as quiet as he thought. Matthew had woken up. "Love, are you okay?" His voice had brought Carl from his thoughts. "Matthew, dearest. I hadn't meant to wake you up." He frowned, feeling guilty as he wanted his husband to get as much rest as needed. "It's alright, I needed to get up early anyway. Don't feel bad, my darling. I'm worried about you, though.” He gave Matthew a smile. “It was just a dream. I was just startled from a dream. I don't even remember what happened in it anymore. I'll be fine.” Matthew pulled the other into his arms, holding him in such a comforting manner. Placing a loving kiss to Carl's forehead. “Even so, I've still got you.” The former scientist blushed. Matthew still had such an effect on him even after all this time. “Thank you, my love.” They had stayed like that for a good while. It wasn't until Carl noticed the time that he forced Matthew to get out of bed and to get ready for his community service. Though there was something that had been bothering Carl since waking up. He had not remembered going back to bed after his conversation with Gene last night. No matter how much he tried to, it just kept coming up blank to him. Carl sighed, he must've been that tired that he didn't remember. He was getting up there in age. “I could stay back. Margaret won't be very happy about it but I don't want to leave you if you're not okay.” Carl smiled once more. “I'm not going to be responsible for what she'd do if you tried. You're also expecting a new face there, aren't you?” Matthew looked surprised at that. He had completely forgotten about that. And Carl did make a point. Wincing at the thought of what Margaret might do if he actually did skip out on it. Though for Carl, it would've been absolutely worth it. Whatever punishment she'd dole out, he'd endure for his dearest husband. “Go get dressed now.” Matthew chuckled at that before doing as he said. Leaving Carl to this thoughts.
Carl still felt unsettled by the dream, it was like he was walking through a mist. Yet at the same time it was like someone or something was controlling his body and actions. The dream was scary, but also ludicrous. At one point Carl thought he saw someone who looked like his old narcissus ex boyfriend who he never thought about again until now. Carl just let out a sigh and shook his head. 'It was just a nightmare.' Carl reassured himself. He remembered how reading how the mind and senses can trick the body into thinking something is real when it isn't. His strange dream was just one of those cases. Carl decided to get out of bed and go downstairs. He was going to try and help his son and other son-in-law deal with this strange and frightening case of kidnapping. Carl pushed away the issue of the nightmare and headed downstairs, ignoring the feeling of dread in the back of his mind. Carl also did not pay attention to that fact that his mouth was no longer dry and that there was no glass cup on the nightstand when he got up that morning. Atomic Steele surveyed the area with caution and an intense gaze. He was going over the area looking for something out of the ordinary. Something that had bothered his friend and teammate Electric Blur. Something in this seemingly abandoned area affected Blur's powers. "I wasn't sure what just happened. It felt like I was suddenly communicating emotionally with a strange energy wave that was being transmitted from there. I felt uneasy and scared...but also sad for some reason." That is what Blur told Atomic when she came back to their hideout looking shaken and worried. She told him she never felt anything like that before, not even from the fallen B.E.A.W labs. Atomic Steele offered to check it out for her as the young heroine wasn't keen on returning to the spot. While Electric Blur was being comforted by her other teammates, Atomic followed the directions the heroine had given him to the location where she felt the strange and unsettling energy. What Atomic Steele found when he got there was a large but abandoned warehouse surrounded by an empty field. The area was surrounded by a rusted, wired fence. The place looked like it hadn't been used for years. Still, the normally brave yet brash young hero couldn't help but feel a child go up his spine. His gut and instincts telling him there is something dangerous here, something evil. Atomic Steele walked up to the doors of the warehouse. He grabbed at a rusted handle and tried opening it. To the hero's surprise and growing caution, the door easily unlocked. Atomic Steele took a deep breath and steadied his nerves. He then proceeded inside the warehouse in a slow pace, ready to discover what laid inside. "Oh hello there Matthew. Cutting it a bit close are we." Miss Dewey lightly teased the former villain as he just came into the library to start his community service. "Sorry about that Miss Dewey. I had some problems this morning but I'm here now." Matthew replied, feeling a bit embarrassed about cutting things close. He really didn't want to leave Carl and Gene alone during the family crisis that was happening but at the same time he really didn't want to test the limits of his second chance at freedom from prison. Miss Dewey gave the man a look of sympathy and concern. "You know, if there is a serious problem going on at home, I wouldn't mind helping you fill out some forms to request a temporary leave from your community service." The librarian offered. Matthew smiled in appreciation at her kind gesture. "Thank you Miss Dewey but I'll be alright." Matthew responded. "So has the new service worker arrived yet?", the former villain asked. Miss Dewey smiled and nodded. "Yes he is here. Matthew, allow me to introduce you to Frank Leigh." Matthew glanced over to the man Miss Dewey introduced. He looked to be a few years older than Victor but still younger than Matthew and Carl. He had dark hair and light, blueish gray eyes. The man gave a friendly wave to Matthew. "Hi nice to meet you." Frank spoke in a kind tone. @dualnaturedscientist
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It’s so embarrassing and heartbreaking being in so much pain over losing someone while knowing they don’t give a fuck if you live or die. Your favorite person becoming a stranger is a special kind of hell.
#I fucking hate having bpd#while I’m at it I don’t understand the fuckin audacity some people have to say they love you and do horrible things to you#I feel so stupid#I feel so stupid for believing all the lies#but I was so in love and put him on such a pedestal that I just allowed it all.#thinking about someone constantly and grieving over them and knowing they’re perfectly fine and to them you don’t exist#I’m still in such a state of grief and I don’t understand why time hasn’t healed#it honestly feels like it’s gotten worse w time#I just torture myself but I can’t help it my brain wants me dead#it’s so painful I feel so fucking stupid#being abandoned with no closure by someone who’s your entire world#for someone they were unfaithful to you with multiple times (I don’t even know how many and dony want to know) immediately#like that was the plan all along#he took our cat hundreds of miles away and I don’t even know if he still has her or if she’s still alive and I miss her every day#I never loved someone like that and it feels like the heartbreak is actually physically killing me#i spent 1/5 of my entire life with him#I was my prettiest and had the best body at the time and I wasted it on someone who didn’t appreciate me#not wasted. it wasn’t wasted. we had some incredible times together#I’ll never be that beautiful again#and now idk what do so bc i can’t decide which is worse: being alone and isolating or loving deeply and ending up horribly hurt all over#it’s all just so upsetting.#and I feel so stupid for allowing it all#he knows more about me than anyone and he made me feel like he loved me so much sometimes and then did horrid things and it’s so fucked up#nobody read this I’m so embarrassed and horribly broken#it traumatized me so much there was so much abuse and pain idk if I’ll ever recover#I deserved it but it still hurts my heart#I was so mentally ill and sick I know it had to have been miserable to be around me#there are so many things only he understands and knows about me and I need to talk about them I j wanna b able to b there 4 each other#but that girl is so beyond insecure and controlling so. if I want to talk to who fuckin gets me I’m just fucked#why lead someone on like that for years knowing you’re going to abandon them the second it’s convenient
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