#and being able to allow myself to feel it

[charminglopunny]

Man, I hear you on all of this. I’ve got a similar disabilities and PTSD smackdown combo, and at least for me, it really messes with how you see yourself in comparison with other people. I know I’ve found myself wondering why it feels like I’m running on a hamster wheel instead of being able to “move on” like everyone else seems to be able to do. It feels embarrassing and like you’re failing at something you can’t always quite name.

But also, you’re disabled! The things that happened to you aren’t your fault, and neither is the fact that the world isn’t built to accommodate the way your brain has been structured as a result of those things. These aren’t excuses, they’re just your life. You’re coming up from a deficit not of your own making, and you’re doing great.

It really sucks that you feel so behind, especially if you have people in your life that aren’t very understanding of how disabilities can be huge roadblocks to things you genuinely want to do. It’s cheesy, but it’s like replanting something in a garden. You might not be as tall as other plants yet, but it’s because you’re spending your energy on regrowing your roots system first. I promise you’re making progress even if it feels like you aren’t.

And there’s nothing wrong with enjoying things associated with childhood when you weren’t allowed the chance to the first time around. Sometimes reclaiming that and having fun can be the healing you need to take other, bigger steps! So I would love to play touys with you :)

i feel embarrassed having mental disabilities and trauma sometimes because I do feel so behind everyone. i have seen people get upset I act "childish" or call myself a boy and "refuse to act like an adult"

and like not to make this sound like an excuse or anything but, having an intellectual disability on top of having severe childhood trauma/c-PTSD and live extremely sheltered away from the world under a conservative Christian cult, it's a little hard to just "grow up" when my mind still feels permanently stuck at 16-17

[beardedjoel]

💗🎉💗CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MILESTONE!💗🎉💗

I’m so happy for you! I found you through Closer, and I couldn’t be happier about it. You’re an amazing writer and such a lovely person!

I’m wondering… what about one of these?🌹the prompt number 1. I love your writing and I cannot stop myself from asking. Perhaps with Joel, or Frankie, or Pero…I’m not picky, I’ll be happy with whatever the inspiration leads you.

Alsooooo… Is it too much if I add a little bit of 💌? I’m curious about your writing process. How do you do it? Is it linear, or do you jump around, and later “paste it”?

wym, you're so sweet and i love sharing this space with you my friend 😘 thank you for sending in this prompt and allowing me to do something special with it. thanks for your patience as i have been painstakingly slow with making my way through this backlog of requests! i'll answer your thoughtful writing question at the very bottom of the post after the one shot, if that's alright!

axel and ember — joel x f!reader

request: "overwhelmed, but happy crying during sex". sent in as part of my 5k celebration! i decided to use this one for something very personal to me. as someone who has dealt with vaginismus, this was challenging to write the last few days but it felt like the right direction for me to go in with this prompt. in no way does this describe the experience every person with vaginismus has (nor 100% true to mine), and it is a lot of hard work to help your body and mind learn to work with the sexual obstacles that come with it. i simplified things for the purpose of this story but still found it really gratifying to write so much from personal experience and feelings that i have dealt with. i highly encourage anyone who has not heard of vaginismus to do a little research as it's something that many, many women deal with in silence or is ignored as much of women's sexual health is. happy reading 💓

wc: 2.9k

warnings: 18+ MDNI, reader has vaginismus, unprotected piv

“Maybe… maybe it just doesn’t fit.”

You’d said the words, exasperated after trying for the third time that week.

“I don’t think that’s how that works, darlin’,” Joel teases the words playfully, his hair hanging down into his face as he holds himself perched above you. His smile brusquely fades when he sees that you’re genuinely upset. Some days, it hadn’t been that big of a deal, you’d been able to shrug off the frustration. Today, however, you felt frayed and emotional, pissed off that your body couldn’t just behave like a normal body should. It’s infuriating, living in a body that won’t cooperate with your mind, seeing others do with ease what you never could. What you could only have as a fantasy. 

“Hey, it’s alright.” He leans down, kissing you softly before moving from where he’d been stationed on top of you to lay at your side.

Another dream of finally having sex with your boyfriend tonight slipped away in an instant. 

“What if I try the dilators again?” you ask desperately, meeting Joel’s gaze. His warm eyes look back at yours with empathy, and he shrugs.

“If y’want. But maybe you should jus’ rest. We already had our fun, yeah?”

He’d gotten you off, you’d gotten him off. Fingers and tongues and mouths, which admittedly were great, but you craved to know what more of him felt like, more than just the one, sometimes two fingers you could handle without soon wincing in discomfort.

You wanted him inside of you, wanted your bodies joined in the way that you were so cruelly being denied by the universe.

“N-no, you’re right. It was fun.” You flash him a somewhat forced smile, grateful for his patience and love when he wraps his arms around you. Joel had been such a constant with you, so wonderful, and that only made it hurt more that you couldn’t give him this. He’d never pressured you, never made you feel at fault these last five months you’d been dating. In some ways, it had brought you closer, not being able to rush into sex, but it didn’t mean that he’d stick around forever if it meant he couldn’t get the one thing you know men always want.

“We’re gonna get it one of these days,” he reassures you, stroking your hair. “You’re workin’ hard at your sessions and here at home. Don’t tell you enough that I think it’s great, seein’ you tryin’ all of that. But don’t do it for me, okay? Do it ‘cause it’s what you want.”

You stare at him for a moment, dumbfounded. You were of course doing all of this work for yourself, so that you could freely enjoy something that should come so naturally to your body. Yet you knew that deep down the pressure was mounting, wanting to give Joel the sexual satisfaction you assumed he craved, something that your hands and mouth couldn’t give him. It was putting up a block between you and your sexuality, making each interaction that much more strained and distressing. You’re surprised Joel caught on to all of that when you’d been trying to put on a brave face for him. 

“I - I know,” you concede with a sigh. “I’m afraid sometimes. That I’ll never be enough without this piece of me.”

Joel’s deep set brow furrows further, looking hurt - for you or for himself, you can’t quite tell. His lips set into a firm line before they part, readying to speak. “I think you’re pretty damn amazing the way that y’are. I want that for us, ‘course I do. But I’d rather jus’ have you, whatever, however you are.”

“You would?” you ask sentimentally, your eyes stinging with unshed tears. You laugh slightly, wiping under your eyes, knowing your question is ridiculous but still needing that extra validation that he’s sure. That he’s okay continuing to try this with you, even if it never results in anything. 

“Yes, silly. Why do you think I’ve kept you around all this time?” 

“‘Cause I find us all the good TV shows to watch?”

He laughs, his burly chest shaking with it. “Quit bein’ a pest, I’m tryin’ to be serious with you,” he quips back, trying and failing to hold back his chuckle.

“I know. I know what you’re saying, Joel. I -“ You swallow, your face falling, pulled back into the seriousness of the moment. “I appreciate you. So, so much.” You reach and wrap your arms tightly around him. You relish in the feeling of being close to him, your naked bodies melding together, the heater-like quality of Joel always comforting to you. 

“You’re all the good in this relationship, baby.”

“Who’s being a pest now?” You flick his chest, sending the both of you into a fit of laughter again, giddy at the late hour and the tax of this evening leaving you emotionally spent.

The voice deep inside your mind taunts you as you slowly listen to Joel falling asleep next to you, his breath falling to a rhythmic pattern interlaced with tiny, endearing snores. You hold back tears that come in the dark, feeling so small and alone in this moment, knowing that despite his reassurances, he could never truly understand how this feels for you.

The next few weeks go by with much of the same - you’re busy with life, work, friends, and going to your physical therapy sessions. It was awkward at first all those months ago, laying there bare underneath the sheet while a woman practically had half her hand inside of you, but you got used to it, even started to look forward to hearing about her life and her kids. 

You and Joel try a few more times to no avail, your body once seeming to have a breakthrough before promptly making you inhale sharply in pain, shaking your head dejectedly. 

You try to let it go, let all of it go. Learn that life doesn’t surround this, it simply can’t if you don’t want this pressure, this hole in your heart that you think you need to fill, to eat you alive. This cannot mean that you’re broken, that nobody could want to be with someone born with their factory settings just a little bit off. 

You see it on Joel’s face and in his demeanor, proudly taking note of the change within you. You start to pounce on him every chance you get, fueled by trying to feed this new, insatiable mental freedom you’ve allowed yourself. If you couldn’t have the sex you were dreaming of just yet, you figured that in the meantime you may as well make the sex you are having something new to dream about.

Joel, as predicted, is highly receptive to your new outlook, hands and lips all over you more often than not the second you step through his door to spend the night with him. You find yourself laughing with him when you’re being intimate instead of focusing on that pit in your stomach that worries if this time could finally be the time. You’ve done away with taking it far too seriously to even enjoy when your gracious boyfriend is buried between your legs like it’s his favorite thing. Now, you can appreciate all of it for what it is - a way to connect with Joel, to share something special and fun and sexy together.

You lie in bed with Joel this evening, cackling as you two take turns narrating excerpts from a friend’s most recent read in the romance department that she’d lent you. For inspiration, she’d teased, saying it might help your mind and body become more open to connecting with one another on the topic of sex. You’d taken it with a grain of salt but now it was the evening's top entertainment. You had to admit that she had a point - it did feel nice to read about characters that were so sexually open that anything seemed possible for them.

“The people in these books are unreal,” you manage to get out through your laughter, wiping the stream of tears that coats your cheeks. Joel wipes at the corners of his own eyes, still chuckling.

“Wouldn’t mind givin’ some of these a try one of these days, bet you’d be sexy flipped upside down or whatever the hell they were doin’,” Joel says, propped up on his elbow, his handsome eyes smoldering in your direction. The implication that many of the acts the fictional couple are doing involves things that your body hasn’t been cooperating enough to even go near makes you stiffen for a moment. Maybe a month ago, the comment would have wrecked you, sent you spiraling or feeling self conscious about this perceived insufficiency of yours, but now you let it slide right off your back.

You scrunch your nose at him, letting it fall into a sly smile as he flicks his eyes over you in appreciation. “Shush,” you tease. “We need to find out what happens next to… whatever their names are.” This had all been in good fun, and their names seemed secondary to the juicy details of their sex lives. 

“Axel and Ember.” Joel cuts in, like it’s the most obvious thing in the world.

You deadpan. “Right… Someone has been paying attention.”

“Go on, then…” Joel insists with sass, his hand motioning expectantly to the open book in your lap. You smirk before focusing on the page and continuing where you left off. You two read until both of your eyelids get heavy, the words muttered slower and slower, your bodies buzzing hotly with arousal from the content yet far too tired to do anything to make a move on the other person. 

“Tomorrow,” Joel utters in your ear just as you’re moving into that cozy, floaty, drifting sensation before it all goes black. “Tomorrow I’m gonna Axel your ass into oblivion.”

You’re awoken by a kiss, feather light upon your lips. Your lids flutter open to see Joel, his scruffy beard and unbearably cute bed head up close and personal with you. It’s barely light out, the room bathed in the pale blue glow that comes right before dawn. Your skimpy camisole strap has slid off your shoulder, the entire thing askew and leaving one of your tits bared to him. Joel’s eyes seem to be glued there before flicking back and forth between your now perky nipple and your face. His lips close around it, gently sucking, and you writhe, your body turning towards his.

“You’re so fuckin’ sexy,” he mutters against your hot skin, breath ghosting over your sensitive nipple. You shudder, your skin prickling with anticipation, the space between your thighs desperately empty. Going to bed so unsatisfied seemed to have done a number on the both of you as you’re now acutely aware Joel pressing up against you, his cock already hard and leaking.

“Joel…” you whine, hips bucking towards him.

He dives in, his lips devouring yours, shifting his body to straddle yours, grasping the sides of your face in his hands. His tongue laps into your mouth and you arch your back into the way his hips start to grind into yours, burning desire low in your belly. You’re already so damn wet from his teasing, more than you’ve ever been, built up longing spilling over from last night.

“I… want to try right now,” you finally manage to gasp out as his lips separate from yours for a brief second. He pauses, looking down at you, his heavy lidded eyes sincere as they dance over your features.

“You sure? It’s okay if we jus’ -”

“No. I’m sure,” you tell him. “I feel so good. I want to feel good with you.” Your fingers dig into his bare back, urging him on.

He only nods, his throat bobbing as he swallows. He places gentler kisses on your lips before moving to your neck, then down your body until he reaches the waistband of your sleep shorts. Tugging those down along with your panties, he moves with certainty and care, adoring your soft skin in every place along the way. 

He touches a gentle finger to your slit, so sensitive and swollen now, and you suck in a breath.

“Holy shit. God damn, baby,” he muses with awe, fire burning in his dark eyes.

You chuckle shakily, feeling your cheeks flush as you avert your eyes shyly. “I - I know. I need you.”

“Can practically feel her puslin’,” he growls, licking his lips, desire clouding his mind.

Your cheeks only grow hotter at his dirty words, pulling your lip between your teeth. “Taking a page from Axel’s book, I see,” you tease him breathily.

“Nah. This is all Joel Miller, baby,” he replies just as he uses his whole hand to cup your slick cunt, the both of you groaning quietly. Joel starts to shimmy his briefs down, leaving him completely stripped underneath the covers with you. You wait for him to climb back on top of you, carefully removing your top and taking you in.

“Perfect.” He smiles, and you wrap your legs around his waist, a silent signal that you’re ready. Joel reaches between your bodies, bringing his cock to your cunt, lazily moving it through the folds until he’s coated in your arousal, each stroke making your hips buck, your need climbing to an unbearable level.

“Please…” you whine, feeling the emptiness inside of you, craving that full sensation you’ve been romanticizing time and time again in your mind.

“I got you, baby. No matter what. I’m right here, ‘kay?” You feel him line himself up, trying to manage your expectations as you nod for him, swallowing down your nerves. Even if it doesn’t work this time, it’ll be okay, you’ll be oka -

The tip of his cock pushes past your entrance, and you gasp, eyes going wide. You both pause, staring at each other in an optimistic, full silence, breathing heavily.

You nod again, mouth agape. “More…” you whisper softly, taking a deep breath, trying to relax your body.

Joel smiles, pressing his hips into you the tiniest bit more. He still slides in with ease, the smallest pinch subsiding when he takes a beat, then pushes a little more, repeating the process a few times. You feel the stretch, the slight burn as your body adjusts, your mind racing at the miracle that’s occurring, barely even able to register it right now.

“Oh my god,” you mutter, starting to shake. Joel leans down to kiss you, a comforting move, but it only pushes his cock in another bit, making you gasp softly at the fullness.

To your shock, when he pulls back the sensation begins to near something pleasurable. “Sorry,” he quickly spits out, his concerned stare meeting yours.

“No. It’s good. A-again. Do that again.” You start to smile in earnest, a toothy grin that you can’t help but feel spread across your face. 

“What… this?” he asks coyly, more overt with the thrust inwards as he pulls his lips into yours. He buries his face in your neck, breathing you in and kissing the sensitive skin there. “You’re so wet, so fuckin’ tight, baby. You feel incredible.”

You shudder underneath him, moaning softly as his words travel right to your core, burning with a new kind of eagerness you’ve never felt before. “You feel so good,” you echo back to him as you pant.

Joel starts to move, testing the waters with slow, steady movements. You keep breathing, terrified that any minute the ball will drop or this will have been a dream or some cruel trick your body is playing on you. But the sporadic bursts of discomfort subside with each new roll of Joel’s hips, blooming into something pleasurable and sweet, pulling up from deep inside of you.

Emotion bubbles to the surface before you can even tame it, your eyes brimming with tears when Joel bottoms out inside of you, pulling back and pushing in to the hilt again. It feels good, amazing even, to be so full of him, to celebrate this victory, even if only for today.

“Shit. Sweetheart, you’re okay, right? Are you hurting?” Joel freezes when he sees your watery eyes, every muscle coiled stiffly, his face screwed up in fear.

You shake your head, fighting the urge to sob, but Joel’s faithful, genuine concern puts you over the edge. Tears spill, rolling down your cheeks in profound little streaks, every bit of your frustration and pain and anger from the last half of a year pouring out into this beautiful display of pure joy.

“I swear, I’m happy, I’m happy,” you cry out, immediately cradled in Joel’s arms.

“Good,” Joel breathes out in relief. “You’re happy, I’m the happiest fuckin’ guy in the world.”

His words make the tears flow faster, but you start to laugh amidst it all “Stop making me cry harder!” you chastise him, hugging him tightly around the neck. 

“Joel…” you say after a long, tender embrace, the two of you soaking it in. His cock still throbs inside of you, reminding you of the pleasure you’d started to chase moments ago, lost to the emotion of the moment.

“Hm?” he asks, pulling his head from where it had been buried in the crook of your to look at you.

“Please fuck me now.”

He grins, the movement lighting up his entire face with a lusty glow before he eagerly crashes his lips with yours again. When you see his eyes again, you swear they’re a shade darker, his cheeks tinged with the color of desire. Low and gravelly, he finally speaks. 

“Grab your god damned vibrator, sweetheart.”

to answer your 💌 my writing process is a little all over the place! i used to write mostly linearly, that was what worked for me and i kind of thought of everything in order. but lately i have been doing a bit more doc hopping when i get stuck. maybe writing a later scene that i have ideas for and feel like it's more fleshed out or going back and polishing older paragraphs and such. i definitely am not a big outliner and plotter, which i'd like to get better about! but mostly everything just lives in my head and gets blobbed onto the doc once i have time to write it, which sometimes leaves things forgotten hehe

(divider by @/saradika-graphics!)

[stayevildarling]

Agatha Harkness x Reader- Spellbound

A/N: based on a request and results of this poll ❤️

tw/tags: nsfw, female reader, G!P Agatha, inexperienced reader, suggestive, flirty Agatha, mention of hex (sex pollen) mention of breeding, oral, Agatha recieving, reader recieving, mommy kink

word count: 3.6k

taglist:

taglist:

@lunaticwhittaker , @billiebeanhoward , @lanawinters-ily , @kenzbro , @minaslittleone , @httpfiftyshadesofgay @whitelotus00 , @ninaahelvar , @paulsonsratched , @vintagepaulson , @isle-of-earle , @grilledcheeseandguavajelly , @lucyintheskywithxanax , @fanfics4world , @mymiraclewitch , @hazard-to-myself , @awritersometimes , @wastdstime , @p1pecleanerwitheyes , @queen2234 , @ihartnat , @lifebyinez , @ahsatanizgay, @laavaagirl,@wtfffisgoingon , @milflovers4 , @ahintofchaos , @brekker157

Today was another day with Agatha. The older woman and witch had been teaching you for several months now after you tried a few academies where you used to live, only to be turned away as they were all full and getting guided toward being taught in private and stumbling over Westview and the witch residing there. At first you had no idea what to do with yourself, not knowing anything about magic other than remembering some mumbling about it during your childhood and the random outbursts that you couldn‘t understand.

The brunette had taken you in, allowing you private lessons in her house, ultimately her basement with several spell books and all kind of magic items. Over the months the two of you got along well and Agatha managed to teach you the basic spells to the point your magic grew more advanced, being able to perfect it well, even try your own spells and potions. By now you were only really around to stay in her company as there had been a chemistry between you from the beginning and both of you could tell.

„I have some errands to run today dear“ she told you after greeting you and you got started on the same book you had been working on for a while. „That‘s fine“ you smile at her, seeing her in a beige blazer, the same coloured flowy pants, her usual jewrely and details as well as some reading glasses. Her hands ghost over your shoulders in that all too familiar way before she leaves you to it. And as soon as you hear the front door upstairs, you begin with the book, eyes flying over the pages before you stumble upon something you hadn‘t seen before.

The spell looked simple really, deepening connections and your own magic, awareness and sensation. You begin by laying out your usual items, making sure you had read the instructions properly before whispering the words. At first nothing happens and you assume you may have done it wrong or with how old the page looks that you may have stumbled upon a spell that was wrong. But then you feel a warmth, spreading through your body. It‘s slow and gentle at first but it quickly spreads like a fire, leaving you trembling, panting and sweating.

You couldn‘t tell what went wrong or what you needed exactly but you needed relief. Your entire body feels on fire, as if you can feel every single muscle and nerves, heart beating incredibly fast. All you can do is grip the table in front of you to the points your knuckles are turning white. At last Agatha returns, even though it feels like minutes to you it had been a few hours as the woman trusted your abilities by now. She expects to hear the usual sounds of your magic practice downstairs, flicks of energy, whispers of incarnations but instead there is silence.

For a moment she even thinks you may have left already even though that wasn‘t like you but when she sees your bag and coat by the door she grows curious. She makes her way into her basement, finding you standing by the table, gripping the edges of the table tight, too tight. You don‘t turn to greet her like you usually do, instead your entire body is tense and a red flush creeps up your neck. Her eyebrows furrow before she teases „Well well, look who is all serious today“ the amusement in her tone is clear as she steps behind you, resting a hand on your shoulder.

„What has gotten you all wound up sweetheart?“ she asks curiously as she reads over the pages of the book that still lays open on the table. You flinch, just barely but of course she notices. And then she understands, seeing the open page of the book, your breathing shallow, a little line of sweat on your forehead and your fingers twitching almost unsure as what to do with yourself. The witch can feel your magic humming in the air, uncontrolled, restless and desperate.

Agatha hums knowingly, obviously already having connected the dots but enjoying this nevertheless. „Did you mess something up while I was gone?“ she asks curiously her voice playful. You glance at her and the answer is enough before she whispers „Maybe I should punish you“ which causes you to press your legs together at the tone of her voice and words. You exhale sharply, squeezing your eyes shut before whispering „I- I didn‘t mean to“.

The woman tilts her head to the side before turning you around, wanting to meet your gaze. „Didn‘t mean to what?“ she asks curiously as she steps away and leans against the table opposite you. You don‘t answer at first, shruddering under her intense gaze. „You tried a connection spell didn‘t you doll?“ she asks curiously before you nod and look away in embarrassment . „Poor thing, that wasn‘t a power boost silly, it was a heat spell“ she explains with a slight smirk on her lips.

„No wonder you are squriming“ she teases as she steps forward again. You make a soft noise, almost a whimper trying to pull away as the embarrassment overwhelms you for a moment. But she simply drags her hands down your arm, fingertips softly ghosting over your skin and then it happens, you whimper. It‘s quiet but loud enough for her to hear and the heat to travel straight to your face as your eyes widen and you understand what just happened. Agatha stops her movements for a moment before you see the deep smirk on her lips.

„Oh sweetheart.. you‘re burning up, aren‘t you?“ she pouts and you nod weakly as the back of her hand touches your cheeks and forehead to confirm. Her voice is sinful now, dripping with both amusement and seduction as you face her again. Your pupils are blown wide, lips slightly parted as you are trying to hold yourself together, feeling the heat travelling lower and lower with each second passing. Agatha catches your chin, tilting your head up so your eyes meet hers. „All you need to do is say the word and I‘ll help you darling“ she whispers before stepping away again, hopping onto the table opposite you casually.

For a moment the world stays still as you realize what is actually happening, what she is offering and suggesting you here. For a second everything overwhelms you as the thoughts circle in your mind. Thoughts of doubt and uncertainty considering she was teaching you and much older and you enjoyed getting taught by her but all you can focus is the way she is sitting, legs slightly spread and that knowing grin on her lips and you can‘t hold back.

„Please“ you whimper, louder this time, so desperate it matches how you feel inside, wanting nothing more for this feeling to go away and knowing the only person able to do this and you want to share this with being the woman in front of you. Agatha hums in satisfaction as she studies you, stepping towards you again and her grip firm on your hips. „Poor thing“ she whispers as she leans closer to your ear. „You must have been suffering so much while I was gone“ she pouts and you nod breathlessly.

Heat spreads through you even more and for a second you think you may explode under her intense gaze and gentle touch despite her body pressing against you strong and solid. Her fingers dance along your ribs before her lips ghost over yours and for a moment you close your eyes thinking she may kiss you before she pulls away again, leaving you breathless. „I could help you I suppose“ she whispers before smirking. „But I think I‘d enjoy it more to watch you beg a little first“. Your eyes pry open, finding hers so close before you stutter „Ag- Agatha“.

„Oh sweet girl, you sound so desperate already“ she sighs before she pulls back enough to study you again. Slowly and deliberately she squeezes your chin before you can‘t take it any more „Tell me how bad you want this“ she whispers before you almost cry in desperation, feeling the tears stinging in your eyes. „Please Agatha - I need you“ you whisper and that‘s all she needs to hear, the words causing her own pupils to blow as she captures your lips in a kiss at last, rough, possesive and so damn hot. She grips your waist, pulling you against her as your chest collides and you lose yourself in the kiss, lips wet and aching for the older woman.

She sends a pool of heat through you, already able to feel your soaked underwear at this point as she begins pushing you against the wooden desk behind you, legs weak under her intense touch. As she pushes you back further and further she begins exploring you a little, moaning into your ear, mouth exploring your neck as well as her tongue. In a swift motion she had your flannel ripped from you, exposing your flushed chest, the black bralette that drives her crazy as her eyes fly over your hardened nipples that undeniably show and how excited she feels to unwrap the rest of you.

But as she steps between your legs you can feel it and she has you gasping and freezing at the same time. Your wide eyes drop before she stops, immediately noticing your hesitation as she stops attacking your neck and looks at you. „What is it sweetheart?“ she asks a little concerned before your gaze drops to something hard between her legs. „I um.. didn‘t know you um“ you stammer before she realizes. „Have a cock?“ she asks so casually that it almost causes you to choke on the air. She watches your expression, the excitement but hesitation and she can‘t help but smirk in amusement.

„Does that.. does that mean you could get me pregnant?“ you ask and she can‘t help but chuckle lowly „Oh sweetheart, you really are a little innocent thing aren‘t you?“ she asks which causes your cheeks to go red yet again. „Yes I could knock you up right now if you wanted to“ she giggles as your mouth hangs wide open from her boldness. „But don‘t worry sweet thing“ she quickly composes herself as she brushes your cheek with her fingers „I know plenty of spells to prevent that“ she reassures before capturing your lips in a kiss again that has you melting right into her. „Don‘t worry, I‘ll take care of everything“ she reassures and you nod into her before her hands reach for your hips, lifting you up and sitting you on the desk as she begins undressing your lower half.

By the time your clothes hit the floor underneath you, the older woman is already between your legs, hands firm against your thighs as she begins exploring your aching pussy with her mouth. She is slow and gentle at first, assuming you hadn‘t done this too many times before or maybe not even at all and despite how much she wanted you, how much she wanted you to scream her name and make you fall apart, she wanted to make this special for you. Once her tongue comes into contact with your clit, your entire body relaxes for a moment before the pure bliss takes over, head thrown back in pleasure despite how hot the image is to have the older woman in between your legs, diving into you as if she is addicted to the taste already.

„Oh babygirl you taste so good“ she moans, her words sending vibrations through you as you grip the wooden table underneath you. She can tell you wouldn‘t last long, your first orgasm already approaching fast with how much she had been teasing you and with how strong this kind of hex was. Agatha wastes no time in teasing your entrance with her fingers, her tongue relentless at this point as your soft whimpers and moans fill her basement and she never wanted to hear anything else ever again, already addicted to you. „So good mm“ you moan, tears of pleasure streaming down your face before the knot in your stomach feels like bursting. „I“ you struggle but she shushes you as her hands stay firm on your legs. „Cum for me sweet girl, I promise it will feel so good“ and so you do, letting the woman elope you in this feeling as you cum undone on her tongue, your juices flowing down her as she licks up every last drop, only coming up to let you taste yourself on her tongue.

By the time you come down from your high, your chest is still heaving, eyes forcing open as you look at her, mouth slightly agape as she stands between you still, eyes searching yours. For a moment she isn‘t sure whether the hex was finished, your entire magic still all over the place. Agatha watches as your eyes go a shade darker, almost as if the desperation from the spell is replaced with something even stronger, lust and desire for the woman. She had been flirting with you for months and teasing you but you never felt ready and you knew by now she wasn‘t seeing anyone, wasn‘t interested in anyone else as she was anything but subtle.

„That better sweetheart?“ she asks curiously before you practically jump at her, innocence and shyness gone as you stand despite your legs feeling wobbly, despite your heart pounding as your lips crash against her own, pushing her into the table at the opposite end of the room until her back collapses against it. Without another thought you go on your knees, pulling her trousers down, wanting to see, wanting to feel what she had told you. Once her cock springs free and you see how hard she is, you waste no time in glancing at her, wanting to make sure she wanted this and by her expression, the way her lips are parted and eyes wide in shock and lust you waste no time.

Your tongue licks around the tip before you slowly take her into your mouth, almost as if you had been doing this a thousand times before and the older woman is so taken back that all she can do is grip your hair tight as she guides your head backwards and forwards until she is completely inside your mouth, surprised with how well you are taking her length and how you aren‘t even gagging, simply carrying on and on and driving her so much closer to her own orgasm. But then she realizes what is happening, how you are topping her, how she gave control to you and that‘s one thing Agatha simply didn‘t do. She drags you up by your collar with practiced ease despite wanting to whimper at the loss of your perfect mouth.

„Confident now are we?“ she murmurs as her lips attack your neck and before you know it she has you in her arms, legs wrapped around her waist before she carries you upstairs, so caught up in the moment and by your mouths exploring each other that you don‘t fully realize she is taking you through the house and into her bedroom. As soon as she lays you down on her bed she is all over you, hands roaming your body before she looks at you, really looks at you, seeing how beautiful you are, how obedient and perfect and how she had been wanting to do this from the first day you ever walked into her house with your notebook and pen wanting to learn from the older witch.

„Fuck Agatha“ you pant as she takes one of your hardened nipples into her mouth, messy and biting sligthly. „I want you please“ you whisper loud enough for her to hear. „You‘re gonna have to get a little more specific“ she smirks confident as ever before your voice wavers „Fuck me Aggie, please I want your cock inside me please“ you almost cry and your begging has her in another dimension as she happily does just that, aligining her tip with your dripping pussy before entering you. Gently at first and so much unlike her and each other‘s needs but all she can see right now is the trust in your eyes, the vulnerability and how this wasn‘t the hex anymore, the older woman being able to tell.

„Oh“ you gasp as soon as she pushes her tip inside, stretching you so perfectly as your eyes force closed at the sensation of having the brunette inside of you. „God- please“ you cry unable to contain how much you wanted this, how bad you wanted to make her feel good and how badly you wanted to cum on her. Agatha doesn‘t hesitate then, pushing in further and further until she is all the way in and surprisingly you take her so well, despite her length, despite how much she is stretching you. „Baby you‘re so tight“ she whimpers as she hovers above you on the bed, unable to deny how good you feel and how she is slowly losing her composure and dominance with you.

„Can you feel - that- darling..“ she pants and you force your eyes open locking with her own. „Mommy is stretching your tight little pussy so well“ she moans and her words send a shiver through your entire body, heart pounding and stomach flipping. With her free hand she takes yours and puts it on your lower abdomen before she smirks despite her own pleasure „Feel how deep mommy is inside you“ she gasps. Something overtakes you then, maybe the fact she called herself mommy multiple times, maybe the fact she was technically your teacher, maybe your huge crush on her or just the feeling of her cock inside you and each other‘s wetness echoing through the quiet bedroom.

„Please can you- can you cum inside me?“ you whisper before she lets out a ragged gasp. „Sweetie“ she hesitates but you don‘t care, don‘t care about the consequences wanting nothing more than for her to fill you up to the brim with her warm liquid. „I don‘t care“ you murmur before she can‘t take it. She always wanted to have you like this, have you begging for her, waking up many times to the thought of this and having to touch herself in order to feel relief for aching for you like this. And now she couldn‘t stop herself. Her right hand moves to your hair gripping it tight again before her left hand reaches for your leg, putting it over her shoulder and hitting into you even harder, the newfound angle sending you both over the edge quickly.

In the end Agatha has you screaming for her, your orgasm washing over you both at the same time „Mommy“ you cry out as her eyes search yours, telling you to keep them open and on her as you cum undone and once you feel her liquid filling you up you cum a second time seconds later. The two of you are breathless by the time she moves your leg from her shoulder and she collapses beside you on the bed. There is silence for a while, the two of you collecting your breathing and waiting for the rush and adrenaline of it all to slow down a little. You are the first to open your eyes, unable to believe this just happened and unsure whether this was maybe just another one of your dreams about the woman you had desired for the longest time now.

As your eyes dart towards Agatha her eyes are closed, lips slightly parted and a hint of a smirk playing on her features. When she notices you shifting onto your side she turns as well, meeting your eyes and tugging some hair behind your ears as she allows herself to take you in fully. „I‘m so glad you accidentally discovered that hex sweetie“ she chuckles lowly and you can‘t help yourself for giggling a little as well as your cheeks go red all over again. Agatha watches you carefully, despite her dominance and everything that happened, caring about your wellbeing more than anything and that you are comfortable with her. She watches you go from content, to shy to very quiet and thoughtful in moments and her eyebrows furrow as she senses something behind your beautiful eyes.

„What is it?“ she asks almost a little worried before your eyes almost grow teary. „Does this mean I won‘t get to come here anymore now?“ you ask, almost small and her heart shatters at your words and the sadness in your voice. „I just mean.. for teaching“ you admit, realizing you may have hinted at your by now obvious feelings for the older woman a little too much. But she is quick to move closer and scoop you into her arms. Her eyes search yours, filled with reassurance and kindness as she wipes some of your tears. „Sweetheart if you think I‘m ever going to let you go after that you are very wrong“ she jokes a little but her features and eyes are so serious that you know she means every word. You almost sigh in relief before she moves a little „Now come on let me clean you up“ she offers as she extracts a hand to you and by the fire in her eyes you could tell this night was far from over.

[essycogany]

Sonic And Amy Are A Unique Couple

This is a quick Sonamy rant /ramble session. With a few added clarifications too. Enjoy!

This couple is more unique than you’d think. It’s cool if anyone disagrees. I'm all for a polite debate and respect your opinion. But if you're willing to hear me out, I'll be willing to explain myself as clearly as possible. Great? Awesome! Let’s get started!

Amy doesn't want to change Sonic. I will scream this until I'm not able to speak any more that Amy loves Sonic for who he is. She always has but it wasn't until IDW that she expressed it out loud. Still one of my favorite moments between them.

Does that make their relationship unique? Not really. What makes their relationship unique is what Amy loves about Sonic is kind of the reason they're not a couple yet. Sonic is an ongoing force that can’t be stopped or changed. Of course, he’ll allow someone to join him on a race, but he still keeps going. Not to say Sonic won’t stop to smell the roses (pun not intended) but he’ll do it on his own time. Amy always likes to take advantage of those moments and best of all, Sonic doesn’t mind. Even during their old chases, he’d slow down for her. Says a lot about the connection they have but there’s more

Their chemistry is…something for lack of a better term. Their back and forth is so interesting to me. Sonic does like Amy back. Notable examples here but to put it shortly, Sonic doesn’t know what he’s doing when it comes to romance. Sometimes he’s not into it and other times he’s chill. Sometimes Amy is ecstatic and other times she's bashful. I'm looking at you Sonic X.

Every time Amy’s occupied, is when Sonic wants her the most. Amy on the other hand wants Sonic to enjoy his freedom. Neither of them stops to think about how maybe they can have it both ways.

I'll also mention romance isn’t about “being tied down.” That paints romance as if it’s some kind of chain being rapt around your neck or being forced to be with the person. That is not romance. It’s keeping someone hostage. Something Amy would not do. Every time she’d joke around about marrying him Sonic didn’t take it seriously. Heroes included.

Sonic’s line in Heros: “Amy knock it off. There's no time to play!” Dude knows Amy was messing with him. She was written to be girly, childish, adventurous, and cartoony. No, it wasn’t always executed well. Hello, Sonic Freeriders Amy! But I think this scene summons it up the best.

Important thing to mention as well is Sonic is an outspoken and honest character who rarely lies. It’s either you get the truth or you get nothing. He’s not the type to spare people’s feelings either, so if he had a problem with Amy in the past, he’d tell her directly. I do think she'd also stop if he genuinely told her to. The last thing Amy would want is to tarnish their friendship because of her actions. This loyal girl is so sweet.

Not to mention this is a popular trope in Japan too. The trope was what their relationship was based on.

Back to my original point Sonic and Amy aren’t a traditional couple. That’s a good thing. If they became canon their relationship wouldn’t change if they got together, but also they don’t need labels either. Romance isn’t or shouldn’t be a burden on you. That’s not how love works and that’s not what Sonic believes Amy to be. If that’s the case he wouldn’t be friends with her. Whether you ship Sonic with Amy, someone else, or no one, there should be no doubt Sonic values her friendship.

I’ll also add that Amy is just as up for an adventure as Sonic is. It’s why she loves him so much. They’re a power couple and love going out to travel, so there’s no staying in one place for these two.

In Sonic Adventure 2 you can tell Amy’s intuition when it comes to Sonic. Close to the end, she saw him looking a bit down and noticed his mood shifting a bit. “What’s the matter, Sonic?” “Oh, it’s nothing.” She knows him so well. I don't know what connection they run on but it’s inspiring.

These two don’t have a typical girl/boy relationship. I know some people say, “Well, why can't Sonic and Amy stay friends? Not every male and female relationship needs to be romantic.” You're 100% correct. Here are some examples.

The difference between other relationships is that Amy was created to be a Minnie to Sonic’s Mickey. Which is why these two are treated differently compared to others. Including in merch. There are more examples but I digress. The point is this specific pair is always going to have nuance even if they’re only friends. It doesn’t stop until Amy doesn’t love Sonic and even if it shouldn’t define her, it should still be a part of her. She might work without romance, but we already have other amazing female characters for that.

No one’s obligated to ship them because of this of course. Again, your opinion is still valid, and I will always stick to that point.

Last but not least is their friendship (or situationship) as a whole.

The funny thing is their friendship is what makes their romance the most compelling. The appeal to Sonic and Amy’s dynamic is how much platonic energy they have. Romance doesn’t always mean you need to be lovey-dovey. With Sonamy it’s their powerful friendship that makes the (somewhat not platonic) interactions memorable. You don’t have to choose romantic or platonic. It can be both. I wouldn't be a Sonamy fan if I didn't think their relationship was plain. I'm here because of how different they are.

And I love them to bits. Look at this panel and tell me it isn't running with situationship fuel.

Another fun detail is in recent years despite knowing Amy still loves him, Sonic hugs her back. Even the moments in Sonic X he carries her are moments he offers to. Even when it wasn't necessary.

Can’t forget about the recent asking Amy out to a dinner panel in IDW. He's never done that before. There's a familiarity between the two of them however you look at it. I LOVE them for it.

His moments of genuinely being excited to see her are not due to some development but because Sonic’s passion for Amy has noticeably increased. Why am I bringing these up? It’s because one thing that hasn’t been talked about when it comes to romance is actions. Sure, Sonic doesn't fully confess his feelings to her outwardly. But why do you have to be obvious and in your face when it comes to loving someone? In Japan, love is mostly shown through what you do more than what you say. That stuff can happen there but it doesn't always have to. The “Sharing an Umbrella, Amy,” line in Frontiers carries a lot more weight when you think about the implications.

Please read this post by @egalitarian-tomboy if you're interested in the implications of Sonamy in Frontiers.

The up-to-interpretation view of whatever they have together is the main reason I and so many people ship them. It’s not the fact that they are close, but the progression of their closeness. To make a long story short, the appeal of Sonamy is the fact that they don’t have to be traditionally romantic to be an interesting couple. Amy represents expressive love and Sonic represents emotional love.

Stay creative! 💜

[solarsavoy]

Sure, I'll share. I've got a couple of approaches for this, a fandom list, and an original work list. I have surprisingly few ships that are important to me, actually, but I should have enough.

Fandom list:

Karmagisa, from Assassination Classroom: my first and one true ship. I love both the chaos and stability they represent, leaning towards chaos. These characters definitely represent me in different ways, and seeing them matched together, in a way, makes me feel whole. I am a highly intelligent loner with no family at home, hung out in the back of the class by myself when I was in school, and played videogames all the time instead of actually trying. I'm also perceived as super sweet and friendly with people, suffer from incredibly low self-esteem, and show a little bit of my surprisingly dark and twisted side every now and then. I didn't know this when I first jumped on the Karmagisa ship, and then later even learned what a ship was, but the more time I spend with it, the more of myself I discover. So really, I think this is the only ship that represents me quite perfectly, but I will list others anyway because they still matter, just not in the same way.

"SakuSyao", from Tsubasa Reservoir Chronicles: Even though this was technically chronologically my first ship, I didn't know what a ship was at the time and simply liked them together. For this one, the story matters much more to me than the ship, but I can't say I don't love them together. ^^ (The quotes are intentional, for those that know the story. Warning: if you look up what they're for, you'll spoil yourself on a big part of the story.)

Karushuu, from Assassination Classroom, with a focus on Shuu: so this one's a little weird in concept. I ship Shuu with Karma, but don't necessarily ship Karma with Shuu. I think Shuu needs a little more chaos in his life in order to grow as a person, and Karma is the perfect one to inspire that. I go back and forth on whether or not I want Shuu to be ace or aroace or other, but regardless, I see Karushuu as a necessary ship for Shuu. I admit, I have a lot of well developed, personal headcanons for him, and because of those headcanons, Karma is the one that helps Shuu break free from his trauma, become his own person, and gives him purpose. And in the reverse, Shuu doesn't really do much for Karma. He challenges Karma mentally, and, I imagine, frequently fights with him to get him to conform. I hope that makes sense, and even though it's a one-sided ship, it's still really important to me. I think any ship where at least one person is able to grow internally and become a better version of themselves because of the other is a good ship, even if it is also best set to sail temporarily.

Original list, all are from Krystar:

Rizzy, Roxin and Izzy, canon: Roxin is a hyperactive extrovert that is kind and loves people. He's absolutely crazy about Izzy and always has been. It's like love at first sight cranked all the way up to infinity. Izzy is an introvert who likes working on technology. He often acts like Roxin is a nuisance, but also sees him as his connection to the outside world. Without Roxin, he feels isolated and disconnected, fully aware that this is of his own doing, but he has a problem fixing it on his own. He just feels more comfortable in his own workspace, and is often annoyed by people, but Roxin constantly helps (forces) him out of his shell. And in return, Izzy is a point of stability in Roxin's life. They're also just super cute together. Roxin is really touchy-feely and Izzy hates being touched, but for the most part allows Roxin to do as he wishes, which makes Roxin feel extra special.

Steshi, Stag and Deshi, not canon: I know it may seem weird to ship two people in my own work and have them not get together when it's technically within my own power to make it so, but it just is the way it is. In canon, they work well together. They balance each other out when fighting a common enemy and make up for each other's weaknesses. Stag is wild, unafraid to attack first and ask questions later, great at reading people, fast both mentally and physically, and is quick to come up with short term strategies in battle. Deshi, on the other hand, is extremely tame and reserved, questions every action he ever takes, is completely oblivious when it comes to other people, is slow to react on purpose but makes up for it with his instincts and intuition, and leans on his instincts for more "in the moment" decisions while fighting. They just balance each other really well, and even though it's not canon romantic, Stag does have a crush on him, and I'm a sucker for unrequited love. (Compare "SakuSyao")

Mythren and Gerit, canon: I just love these two and most of it is because Gerit is just so precious! ^^ These two also balance each other out really well. Mythren is quick, thorough, and playful while Gerit is deadly and dense. Gerit is a very unique character for those that haven't read the bit I've posted for him on AO3. It's hard for me to put it into words exactly, but Gerit is lacking in a lot of ways and Mythren not only compensates for those weaknesses but helps Gerit to grow out of them. They're just really good for each other, and like with the themes of most of the other ships I've listed, they fill in each others' gaps and mesh quite perfectly.

I know this was supposed to be a quick list and I went and made a thing out of it, but I know most who might see this won't know any of my original stuff, so they needed an explanation. So, do these ships say anything about me? 👀

Tagging @jackiewepps, @heyhellohihowareyou, @magicalflyingfish, but only if you want to do it. No pressure if not!

I don't wanna hear any of the emotional-wreckage psycho-sexual deviance comments that my answer might arouse

Soukoku

Klance

Jegulus

Next question.

Bonus point for stsg which takes charge whenever one of em is resting

[stupidlittlespirit]

ough yes to Ford probably not being a cologne-wearer, nothing sexier than enjoying your partners' natural scent although I have been thinking, since it's kind of canon/people LOVE to bring it up, that Ford doesn't shower and me, a shower-every-night girly is like "So? I'll just make him shower we can even shower together :3c" which then got me thinking like. you love his natural scent but like at a certain point, it's been a couple of days dude, you are getting into the fuckin bath and you drag him into the bathroom with some resistance but he let's you undress him and he watches intently as you undress as well and you gotta push him into the shower a little but the minute you start washing his hair he completely melts into putty and you can do whatever you want, run your soapy hands over his body, tease him a little maybe and then you go to wash yourself and he takes the shampoo from you and starts returning the favor and OUGH...Ford soaping you up with his big, six-fingered hands and then he picks you up and fucks you against the shower wall... ..goddamn it you know what I guess I gotta write this fic myself

Not to out myself here or anything but.......I just know he smells like days old sweat and that does something unspeakable to me.

I've actually just been hit with the memory of this CEO guy who tried to schedule a paid date with me a long time ago, and he specified that he HAD to have access to my armpits at all times. He needed to be able to take me off somewhere private to smell them and I wasn't allowed to shower beforehand sdhjhjasfhjsf. I did not go on that date, but mostly because he was cheap. There were other reasons that I won't go into but....

Anyway I digress.

There's something super intimate about bathing together. Hair washing, too. It's a very loving activity to me because it directly shows great care for the other person. It does in terms of self care, too.

I think especially with Ford, he's liable to avoid showering both because of work but also he tends to neglect himself (I believe) due to poor mental health. I kind of side eye people when they laugh about how he got kicked out of the library that one time or whatever because he smelled so bad, because it's like, yeah, a lot of people with depression or those under great stress don't really shower much. It's pretty well known. The only reason I shower when my depression is bad is because I have OCD lol, they cancel each other out, but I think Ford just sort of forgot to take care of himself during that time. He was literally going mad.

In terms of Post-Portal!Ford though, encouraging him to bathe/shower by doing it with him would be good for him. It's like a reward. He does need to look after his health at some point, regardless of whether or not sweaty smells are hot. Removing sex from the equation for a moment; if he showers, he gets to be touched/receives intimacy for his efforts, and that's a big motivator. His partner can take care of him and that kind of removes a lot of the responsibility and effort from himself. He can give himself over and relax, which means both his mind and his body will benefit.

He can build a ritual around doing it. As you said, the process of undressing, watching a partner undress, and then washing together. Rituals build habit, from my experience.

(nsfw below)

And yeah, shower sex would also be very fun. Again, a reward for doing something good. Ford is definitely someone you have to motivate with more carrot and less stick, and he'd be up for that. I think that experimenting with sensations is fun, too. I don't know why, but I think that wet skin (like the texture of it, the way it slides against another persons) can feel nice. It can be very erotic. Everything moves together with ease and it there's no friction there.

Ford's probably strong enough that he can lift a partner up with ease and balance well enough to maintain that for a while. Or there's just the good ol' from behind position against the wall, to avoid falling over lol.

Sex in the bath is not viable, however. It's dangerous to fuck underwater and Ford is absolutely the kind of guy to tell a partner that and refuse to do it in case they get hurt, bless him. You can get UTIs or other infections from water-based bacteria.

shower sex irl is not fun though imo do not recommend. Did it once, never again. Water is not an internal lubricant and things get uncomfortable very quickly. I believe human arousal is actually water soluble? Not sure.

[storiesbyjes2g]

3.218 Giving me life

The next day, I made a point to get up extra early so we wouldn't have another frantic mad-dash out the door. That kind of stress isn't good for anyone. I took a long, hot shower, did my hair, and put thought into my outfit vs. just grabbing something. I went to get Desi up, but as always, she had already beaten me to it. She was playing in her room, so I left her to make breakfast. We enjoyed a nice, slow morning, just like in the old days, but something troubled me. I had another nightmare. This time aliens abducted me, and they did all kinds of experiments on me while I was still conscious; it was terrible. I know it's natural to have lingering stress after a traumatic event, but the trouble I felt didn't seem related to the fire. The heaviness around me felt more unsettled than fear or panic. Deep down, waaaay in the crevices of my subconscience, I knew what plagued me, but I hadn't allowed myself to address it. The fire trauma was just the mechanism used to get my attention, and now, with all these nightmares haunting me, I can't ignore it. I kept telling myself I wasn't ready and stuffed those thoughts in the farthest parts of my mind, but I should have known they would come back to bite me. I need to visit the cemetery.

The groundskeeper threw away all the flowers and candles we had left at each visit; that's how long it had been. I was so ashamed at the sight. Their name plates were all dusty, and my grandparents' were barely legible from being covered in dirt. I knelt in front of Mama and wiped away the dust.

"I'm sorry, Mama. I didn't think I was ready to see you, so I kept putting it off. But days turned to weeks, and weeks into months, and here I am."

"So many things remind me of you, and I can't stand it. But I love it too. You're unforgettable, not that anyone could ever forget their mother. I don't know what I'm saying... Desiree is so big now. We had a fire at our house, and she's still pretty rattled, so I don't think bringing her here will be a good idea right now, but as soon as she's ready, I will."

"Less' kids are great. A little rambunctious, but great. And she's excellent with them, too. You would be so proud of her. I bought a duplex in San Sequoia so she could live next door. It's been great. I'm doing what you asked: taking care of my sister."

"Long time ago, you told me to find someone who fits into my life who I can't live without. Every day, Sophia shows me how there is no one else in this world who could have given me such a wonderful life. I may have had a lot of insecurities about relationships early on, but I never forgot what you told me. I always thanked Dad and gave him credit for getting me from a boy to a man, but I never gave you credit for giving me a framework to guide me. So...yeah. Thanks."

"It looks like it's gonna rain soon, so I guess I'll get out of here. Hopefully, you'll be able to see this before it goes out. I'm lighting a candle, so you'll know I was here. I love you, Mama, and I wish you could see how wonderful my life is. We've had lots of challenges, but I wouldn't trade any of it. I miss you. I'll see you soon."

I stood there in silence, remembering our good times and feeling grateful for the wisdom my parents bestowed upon me. An odd surge of energy coursed through my body, and I knew for sure this visit was what I'd been needing. The truth behind my procrastination is simple: I didn't want to feel broken again. Grieving my parents, especially Mama, drained me, and I felt like I would never be whole again. I hated that feeling and didn't want to experience it again. But standing there, holding that candle, thinking about my beautiful mother gave me life.

I put down the candle and started to leave. Just before I reached the exit, I heard, "Wait! I'm here!"

"Me too," another echoed voice said.

Both of them?? What are the odds?

All at once, I was a little kid again, happy and excited about hanging out with his parents. Mama wanted to know about the duplex, so I started from the very beginning with Dub moving to San Sequoia and buying his house. I rambled on and on about that, and the money tree, and our vacations, and Desi getting into yoga, and my SimTube channel... I felt like Chi Chi had possessed me, ha ha. Talking to them again filled me with such delight.

I thought hearing about everything they missed might upset them, but my life events elated them. I swear, with every story I told, Mama got more and more pumped up. By the time I was done, she was squealing with excitement. I guess when you live a full life like she did, you don't feel like you're missing out when you die. You just cheer on everyone as you watch them grow. That's a life lesson right there.

"I'm so proud of you," Dad said.

Hearing those words again healed my soul. I tend to think I live right and make good decisions, but receiving affirmation that I'm on the right track never gets old. I'm really glad I came.

[velvet-apricots]

A series of Codexs i wrote about my Rook. Taken from this post.

Note found in Rook’s pocket

A note of poetry with deep creases indicating its been folded and unfolded many times. The lettering is written in a neat, loopy cursive in emerald green ink

Eyes of spring beheld by my eyes of winter

Hair of autumn betwixt my weathered fingers

Lips like berries and all for me to devour

My clever bird, my darling Rook

May your hands forever more hold my heart

For as long as it remains beating

E.V

An entry from Rook’s journal

I dreamed about Weisshaupt the other night. All those Wardens we couldn’t help. Davrin said there were a thousand of them. Now there are only a quarter of that. Solas said it was a victory. I don’t know what to think.

Varric said it helps to say or write out what did go right so-

I got to punch the First Warden in the face

An Archdemon is dead. 

Davrin is alive. 

Ghilan’nain is mortal. 

That's four good things. I am particularly glad that Davrin is alright. 

Solas also said that I may have to sacrifice someone to win. I said that I was ready… But I am not. I refuse to let that happen. No one in my team will die. Call it childish, but I won’t be like him. I am already on the right track, given Davrin somehow got out not dead. No idea why, but Bellara says it probably has to do with Ghilan’nain being out of the fade and back in the real world. Something about the soul and stuff.

I don’t remember. I’m not smart like her.

Rook's Shopping List

A list written in a messy scrawl that drifts downward across the page.

Lucanis, please buy these for me. I have to go somewhere with Bellara. No time to get it myself. I left some money to pay for it.

Lipstick. Cherry red. (For me. Last pot was dropped into blighted water. Davrin said I should throw it away.)

Pistachios. Roasted and salted (for me to snack on)

Chocolate (also for me. I need it)

Honey (to make honey roasted almonds as we have way to many of them now)

Beans (for Emmrich. He can't just eat yams and fruit)

Several sacks of Flour (also for Emmrich. Needed for Seitan)

Jam, preferably cherry or apple (for Harding, wants me to try her ham and jam slams again with “proper jam”. Pray for me.)

Spicy Peppers (For Taash to add to their food)

A message between two companions about Rook

A series of messages written in Davrin and Neve’s handwriting.

Should we be worried about Rook? She keeps talking about Varric like he’s still around. - Davrin

What do you mean by “like he’s still around”? - Neve

I mean she’s saying stuff like “I am going to go talk to Varric” then she goes and talks at his stuff like he's actually there. But he's not. He’s dead. Doesn’t that bother you? - Davrin

I have seen people react to loss in similar ways in my work. They talk to the person they lost like there are there. To help them sort their thoughts. It’s a form of coping with grief. I am sure Emmrich would be able to explain it better than I can. - Neve

And watch him fuss over her like a mother hen at dinner? Not a chance. - Davrin

Letter from Rook to their love interest

Emmrich,

Amatus. That's all I want to call you. It's all I chant in my head (along with your name). I feel like a little girl gushing over a boy who shoved mud in her face (not that you ever would).

I can’t write poetry but I can tell you that I want to call you Amatus. Do you know what that means? It means beloved. That is what you are to me.

When we next meet in private. I want you to leave with my name chanting in your head too. Not Rook. But my real name. I think you will like my name. It’s a flower, and you like flowers. 

- The letter is signed with a lipstick mark.

A letter to Rook from a family member or close friend

A letter lost in the chaos of Elgar’nan’s attack on Minrathous. Stained with blood and blight, sealed with the wax seal of Legatus Charon Mercar

My Sweet Rabbit,

Never apologize. You did what you had to.

I will be waiting for you in Ventus. Do not die. You are not allowed to. Not until I see you again.

Love, 

Papa

A note/letter that Rook never sent

An unsent, unfinished letter. Crumpled up and left near the fireplace.

Dear Hawke,

I hope this letter finds you well. You do not know me, but I knew Varric, and you through him. I am Rook, and I traveled with him to stop Solas. I knew him for only six months, but I considered him a wonderful friend and a great mentor.

I send you this letter to tell you that 

I regret to inform you 

I am grieved to say 

Harding probably already told you that

He meant a lot to me

 I have his belongings still and 

The remainder of the letter carries on the same way until there is no more room to write.

[daydreamdoodles]

Is it cheesy to hope everyone feels as loved and/or wanted as this

[unriding]

a … a gift from the talented @kruinka 🥹 thank you so much!! ദ്ദി ༎ຶ‿༎ຶ)

[utilitycaster]

I truly have no patience for "criticizing a creative choice is disrespectful" as a statement. If you can't tell the difference between sending hate or harassing creators/fans, vs. saying "I didn't like this and here's why" you are an idiot. And on the flip side if you're a creator and someone says "I didn't like this" without any sort of personal attacks or hate involved, simply on the basis of critique and personal preference, and that makes you feel bad enough to stop creating then maybe you should step back and either get offline or make room for someone who has an actual creative vision that isn't "I want everyone to like me."

[ganondoodle]

everyones more than welcome to send me asks about stuff* btw, i know i havent been that good in answering, but i think thats largely bc i always want to do too much, like .. drawing entire character design sheets and everything and then never having the energy or motivation for it so it sits around like all of my hundreds of wips i never finished bc i lost energy/motivation, waiting for it to come back .. which might never happen (and i still dont know how to handle compliments ,, i might never will tbh- if i havent answered a compliment its very very likely i dont know how to properly convey my gratitude- feeling like theres no amount of things i can do or say to 'pay back'? ... kinda weird if you think about it .. but i am weird so what do i know jsklfnhsdk, i promise you i treasure it)

im pretty sure not everyone that sends an ask expects a drawing or multiple and pages long text right? thats my skewed perspective isnt it?

*stuff being like .. about my ocs, about my zelda comic, about the totk rewrite project, suggestions, ideas, rants too, kind of anything though im less likely to respond to personal things (and in case theres anyone newer to tumblr, asks dont have to be literal questions, you can write in those what you want, i like them alot bc its a lil message without the chat type of commitment to it ... im even worse at keeping up responding in chats (not intentionally .. my short term memory sucks) o3o)

[angelnumber27]

It’s so embarrassing and heartbreaking being in so much pain over losing someone while knowing they don’t give a fuck if you live or die. Your favorite person becoming a stranger is a special kind of hell.

[sainteclectic]

i have a headache because I slept 5 hours so today you may envision art in your brain instead. ok?

[puppppppppy]

*through gritted teeth* sometimes. The way people go about their lives will clash with mine. And it will be harmless. And you have to be ok with that sometimes. You’ll learn to live with it. And if u can’t do that rn imagine grabbing them in a chokehold until it passes

[liquidchocolatecake]

currently captive audience to a knock down drag out fight in my brain between desire to respect the wishes of the creator and not look for anyone redistributing the comic and god i fucking miss wonderlab i miss wonderlab so much you have no idea i want wonderlab back so bad