#and before people come at me i’m not talking about people who genuinely can’t afford anything other than a dollar sandwich from mcdonalds

[irlwakko]

i don’t get why people act like boycotting is so hard like genuinely. and i’m done being nice about it. i’ve been boycotting chik fil a for over a decade even though it’s one of the easiest things to get on my campus. i used to go to mcdonalds at least once a week and now i haven’t gone since october. instead of going to starbucks i learned to make coffee at home or i go to local coffee shops that cost less. like i can’t stress enough how not hard it is

[prettyrealm]

lucas reputation reading

this reading is a paid commission, thank you so much for trusting in me! <3

female idols:

most female idols basically think he’s a thief in every sense of the word. let’s say he sees you smoking a cigarette, he can definitely afford his own and maybe even has his own, but he’s gonna bum one off of you anyway - a huge beggar. they think he’ll even “steal” your energy (energy vampire) because he can be a huge trauma dumper. they see him as a player that always has a new girlfriend. they see him as super energetic and social. they think he’s someone who is full of excuses, like he always has some made up reasoning as to why he can’t just complete one simple task himself. they think he’s a really horny guy that hits on anyone, it’s to the point where some may think he’d sleep with almost any woman in the industry so it’s not even special or flattering to be hit on by him. they think he tells a lot of sob stories and he has a lot excuses and may even use his trauma dumping/sob stories as a way to flirt or pull girls (forcing girls to talk and sympathize with him). they think he larps as a “nice guy” to also flirt like, “people don’t ever want to give me a chance even though i’m great and never do anything wrong 🥺” (“don’t i get a hug” vibes)

male idols:

male idols for the most part seem to admire lucas and his closer friend group (& I get that he has A LOT of friends actually) really feel he’s hard done by, lucas is a really big ”bro code” person (bros before hoes) and he’ll really be there for his guy friends like no other, he’s male idols “do anything” bestie. if you need him to come over last minute he will, you ask him for help he’ll do it no questions asked, if you need him to lie for you he’s way ahead of you etc., they also think he has a good memory and they like that about him, if they tell him things he’ll actually remember it. he gets along with men really easily to the point that your personality doesn’t really even matter, as long as you follow typical “bro code” rules you should get along with him pretty well. he’s really there for his male friends and displayed true loyalty to a lot of male idols. gay men in the industry also seem to have an affinity for lucas, finding him charming and attractive. I think he’s good at getting a long with men to the point where if a male idol is gay or bi it’s really easy for them to catch feelings for him. lucas isn’t the distant type and he’s very easy to talk to and get along with.

staff:

most staff really like lucas, he’s really nice to them and open to listening to them. he may even be really conversational and ask them opinions on things in his personal life (“should I buy this?” “what do you think?” “how do you feel about this?”), he’s really good at treating them as if they’re his friends. he’s especially nice to female staff, to the point where they could almost think he’s a feminist. he has very good manners with them and may take care of them well - extremely chivalrous, he does a lot for staff as well (like letting them take his card or putting things on his tab - if a staff member needs to go get him something from the convenience store he’s like, “and make sure to get yourself something too”). the people that work with him right now also feel really bad for him and don’t think what he’s going through is fair - they genuinely see it as all just haters trying to bring him down. staff genuinely love working with him, if they’re working with 10 different idols and 15 different groups throughout the week, their favorite time and what they look forward to most will always be working with lucas.

[swords-and-starlight]

ok i think this is my first time ever watching a show while it’s coming out so i’m gonna write out my reactions as i watch the episode for the first time, even though i’m watching it from streaming (i don’t have cable rip) and i already got a bunch of spoilers.

obviously spoilers ahead

CARLOS!! first time we’re seeing him with his friends this season! and he looks so good!

Natacha looks so good in green, man. they seriously need to have her wear it more.

TK Marjan and Mateo look so good in that shot even if the person they’re being mean to is Paul :((

i really want to see them actually play a whole game of catan it would be so fun

i fs know those two boys are from paul’s past. i thought they might be people he lost but i feel like people who bullied him would make more sense in the context of the nightmare?

i know this is gonna turn out badly but i feel like this dinner is going surprising civilly for now

“LT” aww

why is the chore chart so big i don’t think we’ve ever seen it before

this is kinda making me miss clipboard Marj

paul is gonna crash and burn poor baby

wyatt is so cute omg but i miss gracie

i missed judd soooo much he’s the ultimate cutie pie

paullll why you doing this to yourself

PAUL CALL FOR HELP JESUS

tommy is so nice actually i would never facetime someone i didn’t like just to check in on them

love tk and nancy giving each other looks lmao they’re so siblings coded

gina torres is literally the cutest woman on this show (with the exception of sierra) i love her so much

tk and nancy “it’s convenient” “a little too convenient” omg this feels like one of those disney movies where the kids are trying to solve their parents kidnapping or something

why does tk know that??

nancy loml keep being a dramatic suspicious bitch please

“the enemy is behind the gate” so dramatic for no reason omggg what’s cassandra gonna do?

love paul and owen bonding time, i feel like we barely saw owen interact with the house on a personal level so far this season

genuinely how does judd afford that house by himself especially when grace was out, he didn’t have a job, and he was taking care of wyatt

TOMMY UP TO SHENANIGANS AGAIN oh i’ve missed you devious bitch tommy

i love that tommy has just fully embraced her work kids’s delusional ideas and judds the one trying to talk sense into her now

aww i know judd and tommy have been best friends forever but i know if sierra was here she would be going to grace :(

PAUL BABY WHAT ARE YOU DOING

rich people are so strange

i already love jenna hope nothing happens to her

nancy and tk sending each other looks again lmaooo

ofc the elevator broke down

damn poor augie

aww ok they’re better now

WHAT THE SHIT why is she bleeding from her eyes!?!

it’s really cute that wyatt takes all of 126 medic teams calls it feels like he’s trying to look out for them after they saved his life

paul’s gonna get hurt and mess up on this call isn’t he

oh nooo paul it’s so hard to see him cry

i feel like we need more people to die yk like how does tnt consistently bring people back from the dead? like the kid that was trapped underwater in a frozen lake for at least ten minutes and was expected to make a full recovery but tk who was in there for ten seconds was in a coma? but it was for the drama so whatever

tommy’s hair is my favorite part of every episode. is she even allowed to be whipping that horse tail around?

weed pen lmao

judd is such a nice probie

ok so i was kinda right about the kids in paul’s dream

aww paul he must have been so lonely growing up

i’m sorry i can’t take the weed pens

girl miss melody how did you think poisoning your mom and getting ur sister suspended would be better than just asking to live with your mom

episodes almost over :((( i don’t wanna wait till next week

tkmarjan friendship i’ve missed you!

im glad joe and marjan are still together! they were so cute

PAUL!! i love this entire scene with my whole heart

controversial but i really love it when people choose logic and their personal values over love. this show does that so well. like with marjan and salim, they were both in love but marjan couldn’t see herself building a life with someone so flaky and that’s a valid reason to break it off! with tommy and trevor, i think it makes sense that tommy can’t love someone who might contribute to a family breaking apart.

i know that tk and nancy are gossiping about all of tommy’s drama right now

TOMMY CALLING HER MOM!!!

idk if this is obvious yet but tommy is in fact my favorite 9-1-1 character

anyway that’s a wrap i loved this episode

[permanentlyexhaustedpigeon88]

My parents were the first to teach me to see myself as ‘less than.’

Not in so many words, of course, and not explicitly.  If asked, I know for a fact they will deny this reality to their dying breath.  And maybe an argument could be made that I was (and still am) reaching, where this is concerned.  Maybe I am, and all of their gaslighting when I try to explain this to them is actually true.  Maybe I’m the crazy one.  But I’m asking all of you to indulge me anyway, because what if—

What if I’m not?

My earliest memories as a kid go beyond being taught basic manners and respect.  As I’ve grown older and spent more and more time thinking about stuff like this, trying to dig out the why behind some of the mindsets I’ve adopted through the years, I’ve learned that for them, it was less about respect and more about complete, unquestioning compliance with their will.  Of course, I can recognize the wisdom in that, depending on the circumstances.  If a kid is rushing, full-speed at danger, you want them to listen and stop when you tell them, and you can’t always afford the time it will take to delve into an explanation as to why that stop is necessary in the first place before they comply.  

I’m not talking about that type of situation, though.  Rather, I’m talking about any act.  Any conversation.  Any opinion I had, from a very young age, where I differed from them, and they retaliated, despite how my perceived “deviance” truly would have had little to no bearing on my continuing health, or safety.

If it didn’t match up, 100%, with their own thoughts and expectations, I had best change my behaviors/actions immediately, or risk severe consequences.

I can remember coming home from church one Sunday, after some vague transgression, and being screamed at, at 5 years old.  “Who the hell are you, and what have you done with my daughter?”  I can still see my mother, kicking her shoes off in the hallway, in my general direction, and me, ducking out of the way of the flying projectiles as she was storming up the stairs to leave me with my screaming father.  Whatever I’d done, it clearly failed to live up to who they thought I should be.  How they thought I should represent them.  And I was going to pay the price.

Sure, this did teach me to toe the line.  To behave.  To be the girl who was “far more mature than her age, a genuine pleasure to have in class.”  And maybe that’s not always a bad thing.  I did learn how to show respect, and how to treat people—all people—as human, and I value that more than anything.  I never wanted to be cruel.  But what it also taught was that anything I wanted, or needed, or thought?  It always had to fall underneath the desires of others, or there would be a punishment.  

And that punishment did not always fit the crime.

Fast forward to my first friendship.  A girl who was not raised like I was, she was confident in herself, even in kindergarten.  Sure of her place in the world, and her worthiness of love.  That confidence astounded me, and intimidated me, and when she tested the boundaries between the two of us, however tiny they might have been at the time, given our age, I immediately fawned.  Capitulated.  Whatever she wanted, she got, without a fight, and whether on purpose or not, she grew used to that, and continued on.  How could she know to do any different, when I never once acted like I minded at all?

Still, it reinforced how I thought my life was supposed to be.  I didn’t recognize it as such at the time, of course, but the people-pleasing tendencies were already firmly in place.  As I grew, and found other friendships, or at least what I imagined were other friendships, the same sort of patterns emerged.  

Confident, and potentially domineering alpha friend?

Check.

Me, giving in to their every whim, to keep them as a friend because I was terrified of being alone?  Because being alone, somehow, would mean that I was even more inferior than I already felt myself to be while sometimes being blatantly and openly disrespected and mistreated, and I sure as hell couldn’t afford that?

Double check.

And then, enter the time when most of the girls my age were finding their first boyfriend, and I was still, predictably, single.

It added an entirely new layer to the inferiority complex.  Not only with the obvious “something must be wrong with me, since no one ever shows interest” side of things, but with the “my friend canceled plans at the last minute because her boyfriend wanted to do something instead” angle as well.  I often asked myself why would anyone want to spend time with someone like me, voluntarily, when they had something else better to do?  Someone else better at their side. 

And again, I said nothing, because only having a part-time friend was still better than no friends at all.

By the time I reached high school, I can’t honestly say if pure chance kept me finding these so-called friendships, or if I was somehow unconsciously seeking them out by this point, because they were all I felt I deserved, but it created an interesting situation at home, as well.  (And by interesting, I mean…not in a good way).  My parents were flabbergasted as to why I put up with this treatment.  They would spew vitriol my way about my “wrongness” for choosing these allegedly terrible people to spend my time with, and demand that I “stand up for myself” as though it was as easy as flipping on a switch.  As if they hadn’t created this perfect, meek little people-pleasing mess with their own hands, words, and actions.

I was being criticized at home, and at times openly bullied by these ‘friends’ at school, so there wasn’t a second of escape from it, at all, and when I dared to inadvertently take out my frustration at the entire situation on—you guessed it, my parents—we returned to the “consequences” stage as easy as breathing.  Punishment was far more of a routine in that house than praise ever was, and how could it be any other way?  How could it, when the things I was praised for—grades, performances in band and dance—became what was expected of me, instead of something to be celebrated (and you might have already guessed, any transgression here was punished as well).

It was just a matter of what that punishment would be.  Spankings and groundings turned into guilt trips, facial slapping, and screaming matches almost overnight.  And so, the cycle of drilling into my head that I was to be meek and subservient at all times continued, even if those specific words were never once spoken out loud.

So why am I rambling about this at all?  Honestly?  It’s not because I’m against discipline, or boundaries, or making sure that, if you’re out there, raising a child, you’re helping to develop someone who will treat others with respect and kindness, and compassion as well.  

Rather, it’s because in the process of training and developing young minds, stressing the importance of obedience when necessary, and so much more, it is imperative that there is some sort of balance.  That compliance when needed is still achieved (particularly as it pertains to the health and safety of the child and those around them), but that it is not emphasized at the expense of the child developing any autonomy and confidence in their own right.  Demanding that your child become a mirror image of you, a puppet on your strings to do with as you will because you’ve drilled into them early to never question you?  

That is just a one-way ticket to a lot of pain and heartache for years to come.  At best it will create a shell of a person with no real self of their own.  No experiences and feelings that didn’t come about because of someone else’s orchestrations, and at worst?

At the worst, it will create a constant internal voice in your child that tells them they have no right to their own thoughts and feelings.  That anything that doesn’t match what someone else tells them to be, think, or feel, is inherently wrong, and that they are somehow at fault, and horrible people for it.  It will teach them to quiet that part of themselves that is in any way ‘different’ because being different is unacceptable to the two people who were meant to show them the meaning of unconditional love.  

And lastly, it will teach them that they were put on this earth for the sole purpose of belonging beneath the weight of someone else’s boot.

[persephoneprice]

just a random lil thought but I've been thinking a lot about education in the Capitol recently. Coriolanus mentions the Academy as the finest secondary school in the Capitol, and I kind of see the Academy as a private school equivalent. I think the Academy probably has a primary school too that is much smaller and much more exclusive, which allowed all the 'old' and important families to get to know each other as kids (such as the Snows, Cranes, Ravinstills, Creeds, Dovecotes, Cardews, Prices etc etc) before the school opened up to a wider selection of students in secondary. Haha, would love to hear your thoughts on education in the Capitol and how even that is sorted by class (as it is in our society too). Maybe some kids even have student loans for university?

i always pictured the academy to be more of a private-school type situation where only these truly elite families attend! but then it was pointed out to me that actually there’s around 400 kids in each year at the academy. that’s a pretty massive school!

it’s still described as “anyone who is anyone” attends but it really makes me question what level of important you have to be to attend- because with that many students i’d wager you don’t have to be super elite and important.

but it also makes me wonder how many other school there are in the capitol (and do they compete in sports or other activities?)

i really like the idea of the primary school being much smaller and attended by those children who are truly ultra-rich and elite! i agree because i think the ultra-elite wouldn’t want their young kids mixing with ‘lesser’ children before they’re ready.

coriolanus talks about how important the connections he’s made at the academy may be to him in the future. he also talks about how if he can’t attend university he may have to get a ‘low-level city position’. this is interesting to me because is he able to get these jobs because of his connections or are these just the typical jobs offered to people who graduate from lesser schools? and what other jobs are offered in the capitol because he does say that capitol jobs are hard to come by.

if the jobs are so hard to come by then how are so many people graduating and entering the workforce every year? there must be other, ‘lessor’ jobs for all of these people- particularly the ones who aren’t elite and can’t afford university.

anyway, i apologize i’m getting off topic. back to your point about student loans- i actually don’t think that’s an option? at least, the way i interpret the way coriolanus describes it- he isn’t able to attend university unless he’s able to come up with the money to do so. (which again makes me wonder- are all those other schools kids just entering the workforce post-graduation? and what are they doing?)

i’m not surprised in the slightest that education in the capitol is primarily tied to status and money because that’s pretty much the way it is in our society. if i had to guess- i’d say even the 24 mentors spots are tied more to money and status then to academic achievement.

i’m going to go back off-topic again under the cut-

but snow talks about how being in debt is historically a ticket to being a peacekeeper. i can’t help but wonder what true poverty looks like in the capitol. what if someone lost their housing and cannot get a job because they cannot afford to go university to get a good position? is being unhoused in the capitol an option or are you automatically going to end up as a peacekeeper (or an avox)? what if someone in the capitol is living with a serious mental illness and is genuinely unable to support themselves? what becomes of them if they can’t support themselves but they also aren’t able to be a peacekeeper?

are people who live with smi locked in an institution? killed? i don’t see how in tbosas there would be enough resources for the programs needed to adequately support people who are truly in need. so where does that leave people?

[hannah-heartstrings]

I Caught You

Followup to I Got You. Reptilious makes good on his promise to annoy Lecrinn later when he catches her stealing.

A.K.A. Lawful vs thief enemies to siblings shenanigans. XD

@druidx @babyblueetbaemonster @inkysqueed

---------

            The Skingrad streets were crowded and bustling.

            A man in dressed in finery attempted to weave his way through. Reaching a crossroad, he staggered as a Redguard woman ran into him.

            “I’m so sorry,” she whipped towards him as she passed.

            He just huffed and hurried on his way.

            Watching him go, she started to smirk.

            “Lecrinn.”

            Already annoyed, she turned to an angry Argonian, Reptilious.

            “Give it back.”

            She looked confused, annoyance not entirely fading. “Give what back?”

            “Whatever you just stole.”

            “Unbelievable,” she crossed her arms, looking offended, “You didn’t even see me take anything, and you’re accusing me anyway.”

            He just continued his flat glare.

            “People run into each other on the street all the time.”

            “And when they run into thieves, they tend to lose things.” He held out a hand, palm up.

            “I didn’t, but even if I had he’d be able to afford it.” She turned her head away in anger, subtly surveying the street.

            “Making a run for it will get the guard’s attention. Plus I’ll just catch you again when we set out together.”

            Her shoulders dropped in a silent huff. She turned her glare to him, “I don’t even need to run,” before marching away.

            He ran a few steps to walk beside her. “And you don’t know that he can afford it, that could’ve been all he brought with him.”

            “Oh no,” she said in fake exaggerated sadness, “he might have to learn what it’s like to be poor for a day.”

            “He might not be as rich as he looks, or he might’ve been going to help someone with that-”

            “I’m going to help someone with it.”

            “-Or something else important,” he narrowed his eyes at her. “My point is: when you take from a random person on the street, you don’t know what situation you’re taking from.”

            Face crumpling, she looked away, too stubborn to listen now.

            “And I can’t in good conscience, let you get away with it when I could’ve done something.”

            “Well you can’t do anything about it, so you’re good.” She hurried ahead.

            His annoyed glare shifted into a smirk, having been waiting for her to be annoying like this.

            Coming to another crossroad, she stopped as a horse-drawn carriage slowly went by.

            Stepping up beside her, Reptilious stared ahead, face and tone casual. “So do you cuddle all of your friends goodbye?”

            She looked confused.

            He smirked at her. “Or just Garrus?”

            Eyes widening, she quickly looked the other way. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

            “The two of you standing by the road, in each other’s arms, looking like you never wanted to leave; ringing any bells?”

            “No,” she sounded genuine while watching the carriage with increasing impatience, “you must be mistaken.”

            “I can still tell it, which I will if you don’t give back what you stole.”

            “Who could you tell?” Her annoyance came back full force, “No one else would be as obnoxious about it.”

            “What about your thief friends?”

            She turned to him. “You don’t even know who my thief friends are.”

            “I don’t have to, I just have to spread it through the Waterfront.” His smirk widened. “I wonder what the Thieves Guild will think of you cuddling with guards.”

            Her face reddened as her glare deepened. “It wasn’t cuddling, it was just a hug!”

            “A long hug.”

            She turned nervous. “So we lost track of time!”

            “‘Cause that usually happens,” he laughed.

            She glared him down, forgetting about the carriage as it rolled out of the way.

            He held his palm out. “So what will it be?”

            “Two can play at this, you know.”

            “Oh?”

            “I could tell the Imperial Legion that you committed blackmail.”

            He stared flatly. “You’re going to tell guards that I blackmailed you into giving back what you stole?”

            She took in a long, angry breath. “…Fine.” She rifled in her bag, dropping the coin purse into his hand with a sassy splay of her fingers.

            “Thank you,” he turned back where they came.

            “You’re not welcome!” She raised a fist at him. Once he was gone, Lecrinn looked to her fist, opening it to some coins she’d slipped out of the purse. With a quick smirk, she crossed the street.

[imapuppy5000]

Date night between Rosa (who belongs to @mirconreadzztuff22 ) and Vlk

Tw for the very end, mention of rape. One line, not brought up again.

Also because it’s Rosa and Vlk it’s a little saucy but nothing actually happens

“I have this place, top notch, dinner and a show.” Rosalina was saying, leaning back against the wall while Vlk poked around the closet for something nice to wear.

The fox paused for a moment and turned around, paw on the black dress Sage had bought her. “You really wanna be seen at a high end place with someone like me?” She sneered.

“I don’t see why I wouldn’t.”

“I’m a sinner. You’re practically god. I’m no one special. Obviously.” She turned back to the closest and added flippantly, “Not to mention I can’t afford that right now. You know I’m in between jobs.”

“First off.” Rosa scolding, crouching down and turning Vlk to face her, “Don’t talk about yourself like that. You are very special. Second off, what makes you think I’d allow you to pay?”

Vlk blushed a little and shooed the myths hands off her shoulders, “Well I pay for every date.. or at least split the check?” At least she had in life.

“Well not with me.” Rose booped the fox’s nose and stood back up, “So I think we should go there. If I’m paying I should pick right?”

“I suppose so. I’ll put on my best manners.”

“Oh trust me dear, manners aren’t particularly necessary. Do wear something nice though, I’ll call ahead and let them know we’re coming.”

Vlk nodded and pulled two outfits out of her closest. She kept nicer clothes and a few sets of pajamas here. The nicer clothes were in case of spontaneous dates and it kept the people at the hotel from knowing when she was going out for a date. She didn’t like them to know because they got a little aggressive about it— especially the ones that included Velvette. Despite the fact she liked her flame and spot patterned outfit better she felt the black dress was best suited for a high end restaurant so she put her clubbing outfit away for now and slipped into the dress, tying the straps into a nice bow and fixing her fur. She put on a little bit of lipstick and eyeshadow but that was about it, never really one for make-up.

When they got to the restaurant Vlk was genuinely shocked to see someone literally going down on their partner. She kind of froze but was ushered along by a gentle hand. They sat down at a table near the stage but off the side where it was a little more private.

“This place is uh…” Vlk looked around at all the horny couples and thruples and gulped. Maybe her clubbing outfit would’ve fit better. It was more showy and didn’t make her feel as out of place.

“Don’t mind them.” Rosa smiled. “Unless you’re interested in getting off in public.”

“Well…” her blush deepened and Rosa leaned down slightly, “Um… f-ck. I- f—k. Well— sh*t.” Raising a hand to signal for space she took a few deep breaths. “It’s something I need to prepare for in advance but seeing as there are no kids around I wouldn’t mind too terribly.”

“Yeah?” Rosalina purred, chin resting on her hands, “Well next time we come here be prepared.” She absolutely loved to fluster her little girlfriend and it was so painfully easy. The others couldn’t fluster her as quickly but Rosa could and she absolutely relished in it. “I’ll let you off easy today, however.” She blew a kiss and earned a little squeak and a red-faced nod.

Vlk was about to die from sheer embarrassment and (honestly) horniness which she did NOT need right now. This was supposed to be a sweet date night between just the two of them and she couldn’t ruin it by being distracted the whole time.

“Hello.” A deep husky voice that did not help her mood, “What can I get for you?” The topless imp in a bow tie paused and looked over Vlk carefully before turning to Rosa. “Haven’t seen this piece of candy before.”

“She’s new. Isn’t she cute?”

“Sure is~” the imp winked at her and Vlk turned away quickly.

“Water is fine with me.” She said.

“Sparkling or flat?”

“Flat.”

“Sparkling for me.” Rosa smiled and the imp nodded, walking off. “Come on now dear. Are you really that flustered?”

“A little!” Her voice was higher than she wanted it to be. “I just didn’t expect this, that’s all. Give me some time to adjust.”

“Neither did I, honestly, this place has become a little more…” she looked at the patrons and grimaced slightly, “raunchy since I last checked in. But that’s fine. I am the myth of lust and if lust is what the people want then who am I to stop them? We can still have a nice dinner can’t we?”

“Of course.” Vlk nodded and reached across the table to hold her girlfriend's hand. “I really was just caught off guard. I’m settling in now. Let’s have the nice dinner we wanted.” She smiled and Rosa smiled back gently, grabbing her face and kissing the top of her head.

The sound of Vlk’s tail hitting the chair rapidly made Rosa’s heart flutter. She always loved when her girls wagged their tails. Especially when it was out of their control.

“You’re cute. You know that right?” She asked, head tilting to look down at the sinner.

“And you’re hot as hell. Your point?”

“My point is we should spend time like this together more often. You know… alone.”

“Alone?” Vlk asked, breathless. “Yeah, I’d like that. We don’t spend much time alone together and when we do it isn’t this docile. This is nice. Little dates… next time I’ll pay. It probably will be at some diner or a movie theater but I want to spoil you like you guys spoil me. I don’t have much now but one day I will. And when that day comes you better know you’re getting spoiled!”

“I can’t wait.” Rosa squeezed Vlk’s hand fondly.

Dinner was going smoothly. Vlk had originally planned to eat something light and cheap, light because she had already eaten today and eating again would be pushing it, and cheap because she didn’t like the fact that Rosa was paying and she wouldn’t abuse that. However a still sizzling steak passed by and Rosa caught her date starting at it while drooling and the next thing Vlk knew there was a giant steak infront of her. She licked her lips as her stomach growled.

“You didn’t have to.” She told Rosa.

“Please. You looked at that steak earlier like you needed it. And I will always provide for my partners.” She smiled gently and the fox nodded, cutting into it and taking a bite.

A little moan of bliss escaped her as she savored the flavors and juice. This was delicious!! No wonder Rosa said top notch! She took another few bites, stuffing her mouth happily, before she offered one to her girlfriend. “It’s good! Wanna try?”

“I’ve had it before but sure.” She took the too-small fork and ate the big piece Vlk had cut off of her. It really was delicious. Handing the fork back she nodded, “That’s good. Glad you got it now?”

“Yes. Thank you.” Vlk smiled and ate away while Rosa picked at her meal.

They finished at about the same time and ordered a lava cake to split.

After dinner Vlk was brought back to the tower to change into her casual clothes and Rosalina took her back to the hotel.

“You sure you don’t wanna stay the night?” The myth asked with a dramatic pouty face.

“I’m sure.” Vlk smiled back. “Maybe next time, okay? I really do want to… but I’m expected home at a reasonable time and I want something longer. Quickies are fun but..” she shrugged and Rosa nodded.

“I understand. Well you make sure to let them know they’re real c*ckblockers.” She kissed Vlk’s head as the fox laughed. “Goodnight, love, stay safe.”

“Of course. You as well. And I promise next time I’ll have more wiggle room in time.” She kissed the myths knuckles delicately before waving and going into the hotel. Sure she would have preferred a passionate night but saying no let her see where Rosa really laid. If she was just using Vlk as a living toy or if she actually loved her. And given the reaction it seemed she was leaning more towards love. But Vlk would wait until she said no more consistently and see if that changed how she was treated. Mary was always furious when Vlk said no and often forced the act anyways. She didn’t know what she’d do if Rosa decided she was done catering to her wants. With a sigh she slipped over to the bar and Husk slid her a whiskey.

“Rough night?”

“Just the opposite.” Vlk said. “Worries me though.”

“You have something nice. Try not to ruin it. You’re self destructive but let’s try to keep it contained.”

“Yes sir.” She rolled her eyes and drank her beverage slowly. “I’m gonna go ahead and head to my room. Can I take this with me?” She held up her glass and the bartender nodded so she left.

Setting it gently on her nightstand she took a breath and gently placed the picture of her living family face down in a drawer.

[americanwh0resstuff]

You look good, open casket good…

Chapter II, Time of the season

Amy takes up Blaine’s offer, against the pleas of her coworkers…

Word count: 2,028

Slight smut warning, next chapter will be full on ❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥

Time of the season

“Please Ames I’m begging you, he’s not a nice person, don’t get involved with him!”

Ravi pleaded with her, following her around the morgue like a lost puppy.

“Why? What did he do? It can’t be that bad? I mean you met my ex… can’t be worse than him?” She joked but not a single laugh was heard, instead she was met with stern looks. Ravi didn’t want to tell her, what would he say ‘oh yeah he killed a bunch of teenagers, turned multiple people into zombies, oh yeah he’s a brain/drug dealer!’…no, she’d just ask why they didn’t get Clive to arrest him, and there was no time to explain everything.

“I’ll just drop by, it couldn’t hurt? I probably won’t even take his offer, wouldn’t want to leave you…” she smirked at him, packing up her things for the day before leaving for home.

“I’ll see you Monday, don’t worry about me!” She waved at Ravi and left through the bay doors, shouting a quick “bye!” To Liv.

The air was cold and wet as the rain hit the pavement, autumn was Amy’s favourite time of year, the weather, the falling leaves, the endless horror movies and not to mention the Halloween (which at her play was all year round) decorations…

She smiled as she opened her car door, a beautiful 1967 Ford Mustang in olive green, her dream car. She’d saved up for it all her life, and when she moved to the US she knew she had to have one, she could deal with not affording dinner or not having curtains in her apartment, if she had that car.

The radio was blaring loud as she drove home, old rock songs playing, music by the Rolling Stones, the Beatles and the Zombies playing to set the mood, it was a perfect fall day.

She genuinely felt happy, no more stress from her relatives, old relationships, old jobs… she was starting anew, living the life she wanted. So there was no surprise on her neighbours face when she walked into her apartment lobby, whistling and walking with a spring in her step. “Good evening Ms Danes!”

When she finally sat down in her sofa, feet up, tv on, she reached into her pocket and pulled out the business card given to her by the admittedly attractive man who was sitting on an autopsy table earlier. Now that she thought about it, I guess it was kinda weird that Ravi was looking at him instead of him going to a usual doctor, but hey in America, who could blame him for not wanting to pay a fortune to get his blood pressure checked?

‘Blaine DeBeers, owner of Shady Plots funeral home, where we lay your loved ones to rest the right way’

Huh shady plots, bit on the nose…

She pulled out her phone and called the number on the back, slightly nervous from Liv and Ravis protests, but she couldn’t keep working in the morgue forever, she needed a real funeral home to truly show her craftsmanship, somewhere where families can come to see their loved ones without having to bear witness to slashed up victims and loose organs.

It only rang twice before he picked up “Blaine DeBeers, how can I help you!” She unconsciously smiled, feeling butterflies in her stomach.

“Hi this is Amy, the mortician from the morgue.”

“Oh Amy! Great I didn’t think you’d call” she could practically hear his smirk over the phone, which only made her more nervous, why did she feel this way?

“Did you not?” She joked “What a confident businessman!”

They talked for a bit, Amy telling him about her experience in Glasgow medical school before changing her major to mortuary school, how she worked in Hastings as an apprentice mortician before finally working in a quaint little funeral home on the sea front.

“This all sounds great, but uh- do you want to grab dinner tonight? Make it a business meeting, we can really get into the details.” She grinned in surprise at his offer. Fiddling with the cuff of her jeans.

“Yeah that sounds good-great! What time?”

They agreed on 8 o clock, it was now 5:30 so she had enough time to shower off the smell of formaldehyde and get into something nicer.

For the latter she decided on a long, silk, black dress with a slit going up the side, with a button up white shirt underneath to keep it somewhat casual, she wore her black Mary janes and carried a coffin shaped bag, yep she was that into her job.

She kept her makeup simple, black eyeliner and some fluffy fake lashes, and a dark plum lipstick to contrast her bright green eyes. She curled her hair and wore her favourite perfume, it’s been a while since she’s felt this nice.

She got into her car and drive to the agreed upon place, somewhere called “Ritos” some local Italian place, that was fancy enough for a business meeting, but still laid back enough to be crowded on a Friday night. She looked around for a bit before parking up and walking to meet the pale haired man, who was already waiting outside.

“Oh I hope I didn’t keep you waiting too long!” Blaine smiled at her, taking her hand in a firm yet soothing hand shake.

“Don’t worry about it, I just got here!”

They made their way inside, Blaine pulling out her chair for her, she marvelled at the dark green walls, mauve velvet chairs and dark wool tables, plants hanging above the bar and waiters walking around in fancy suits, it was nice, comforting but still striking.

“So what brought you to Seattle?” He asked her while a waiter brought them two menus, smiling at them both before walking off to the dimly lit bartender, already asking for two wine glasses.

“Well…i guess just fate, the owner of my last business passed away, he was very old and he didn’t have any family to take it over, I didn’t feel ready yet and so I lost my job, I met Ravi in college and we talked and he mentioned that he was now working in a morgue, and I just needed to get away from everything, I just packed up and left, I was sick of my life there…” she looked down at her menu, studying the drinks.

“Sounds like an adventure, couldn’t have been easy… want a bottle of wine for the table?” He interjected himself.

“Oh actually, I don’t drink… recovering addict.” She said the last part quietly but Blaine heard, he nodded and smiled.

“Don’t worry they do a great non alcoholic wine here!” She looked up at him and smiled, usually people giver her strange looks or pressure her to drink whenever she says she doesn’t, but he listened, he respected her choice and didn’t push, she liked that.

The waiter returned with the bottle and poured them each a glass.

“Cheers, to new adventures!” Blaine raised his glass and winked at her, she couldn’t help but blush when they clinked glasses.

The rest of the night went smoothly, talking about work and personal stuff, they had a lot of laughs and really seemed to click, why was Ravi so I sit at not to involve herself with him? She didn’t understand, but frankly at this point she’s forgotten all about his warnings, she was instead just enjoying her night.

Around 12 they had eaten and Blaine happily paid the bill, against Amy’s insisting that she’d pay her half.

“It’s on the funeral home.” He laughed, shooting her a playful look.

“Want to see where you’ll be working?” He asked, walking out into the cool air, watching her light a cigarette.

“So I’ve got the job?” Her eyes were wide and she smiled. “Thank you so much you have no idea how great this is!” She restrained from jumping up and down in pure joy.

He smiled back at her, leading her to her car, telling her to follow him to shady plots.

She could barely contain her excitement while tailing him, she rang Ravi to tell him the good news but he didn’t answer, most likely sleeping, he never went out, never even on weekends.

She left him a voicemail instead.

When they pulled up to the beautiful Victorian home she couldn’t stop staring, the porch lights glowing an orange light and the windows were slightly stained pink, giving them a beautiful shine.

“You like it?” Blaine’s voice broke her from her trance as he took her hand. “Come on.” He lead her to the front door, pulling out his keys and opening the wooden front door, motioning for her to go inside.

“This place is gorgeous! I don’t know what to say!”

“It really is…” Blaine’s eyes burned into the side of her head, eyes blown with lust. He’d been holding back all night, not wanting to scare her off. Sure it was a little forward of him to invite her to shady plots as a ruse to sleep with her, but I mean, he couldn’t help it, and plus it wasn’t like he was lying to her, she got the job, if not only for her looks but for her undeniable qualifications.

He lead her around the house, showing her the viewing room, the morgue and finally his office, that’s where he planned on ending the night.

“So what do you think?” He smirked sitting down behind his desk, leaning back and gripping the arm rests, his eyes now only focused on the slightest sight of Amy’s leg through the slit in her dress.

“This place is amazing, I’m so happy you hired me…” she trailed off, still admiring the interior.

“Not as happy as I am I bet.” He joked but the slight growl in his voice was unmistakable. He couldn’t stop staring at her, her legs were pale and perfectly shaped, from her skin but muscled calves to her thick thighs, tattoos still scattered all over them, he couldn’t help but wonder what other tattoos she had, maybe in less… visible places. Her lips were full and plump, so soft and kissable, and those eyes, those unbelievable eyes, they were hypnotic, she must have this affect on everyone, how could anyone not go crazy looking at those beautiful green orbs.

She shifted in her seat, noticing his staring and feeling slightly uncomfortable, she wasn’t used to this attention, but she liked it.

Blaine searched for an excuse to get her closer to him, looking around the room before his eyes settles onto his small office window.

“Come here, there’s a great view of the city from here…” she followed him as he stood up and walked towards the small window, moving the drapes away just enough for her to see the lights of the skyline sparkle in the night.

She silently thanked the architect for making these windows so thin, as she was practically so close to him that he could smell her perfume, now hours old, radiating from her.

“Wow, it’s beautiful…”

She gazed out to the horizon, but Blaine’s gaze stayed on her.

“Amy?”

“Yeah?” She looked at him, eyes darting from his to his lips, she’d felt it all night too, this undeniable tension between them, a connection that was more than potential coworkers.

His hand reached for her chin, tipping it up before leaning down and kissing her, soft, slow and caring, her hands made their way to his neck, fingers twisting in his short hair. They pulled away, slightly breathless, looking in each others eyes in comfortable near-silence. Just the sound of the record player in the background.

There was a mutual understanding between them as Blaine walked backwards towards his office chair, still holding her before sitting down, pulling the gorgeous woman onto his lap.

She initiated the kiss this time, pulling him in tightly while his hands explored her body, settling on her hips, massaging them gently while her kisses became more needy and biting.

They both knew what would happen next…

[hardtchill]

For me it’s very similar to the other anon. I’m turning 25 this year and I’ve still not got my bachelors degree because I had to quit my first go around at uni since i physically couldn’t learn for my exams. Granted it was compounded by other issues such as depression and anxiety but i genuinely believe that a not insignificant part of those issues come from the fact that adhd makes it near impossible to organise myself (unmedicated btw).

Seeing this on my feed rn is kind of ironic since even though im in my third year of a degree that I actually enjoy now, I literally dropped out of an exam that I was supposed to write today cuz I couldn’t revise. It’s not like I didn’t have the time and I’ve known for weeks about the deadline, but with every assignment or exam I push my own boundaries further and further back until I can’t do it anymore. Last semester I crammed 84 pages worth of notes in under 48h, an exam mind you that I’d pushed back over a year and was literally my last shot or I’d not be allowed to continue with my studies. I barely slept, I was throwing up, but I somehow passed, and with a good grade at that. Since then my brain is like, well you managed to do that that one time so you can totally afford to wait until the DAY before an exam to finish it. Or write a 15 page paper in a day.

And you know what, maybe I can. But the problem is the cost. It’s killing me. I find that it’s also very isolating cuz generally people don’t have a lot of empathy for this? So I end up pulling back from everyone including my best friends until I’m at a point again where I can be around people without letting on how incredibly bad I’m doing. Or I just straight up lie so they don’t know that I’ve not done the things i said I would do.

And all this is not just within the framework of academia. It’s also impacted my wellbeing in a more general sense - cooking for myself is hard because I tend to not listen to my body’s cues until I’m on the verge of passing out cuz i forgot to eat or drink, or by the time I’m hungry I still have to make a meal so I end up ordering something cuz it’s faster. Same with showering daily or brushing your teeth. Getting any routine started in general and sticking with it. I’ve been meaning to start exercising again but I keep delaying it for no reason. I’ve worked out regularly in the past so I know it’s something that I enjoy and that makes me feel good but despite that I’m still stuck in this place of inertia? It’s awful.

I’ve talked to some friends who also have adhd about it and the inability to start something cuz it isn’t instantly gratifying or that doesn’t align with an interest but is an obligation is quite common. Can I binge 7 seasons of a reality show in a week if it really interests me? Hell yeah! (I do watch everything at 2x speed cuz everyone talks too slow lmao but still). Will i fly through a massive book and literally forego sleeping if it means getting through more of it if im really invested? Absolutely. 1500 puzzle? Massive Lego set? Yep! Taking notes from a textbook for an assignment? Literally kill me right now.

I’m sorry for this long ass message and idek if you’re gonna read all of this but yeah just wanted to share my experience. Adhd is absolutely not quirky or a superpower and I wish there was a better understanding of it out there because it makes me my own worst enemy every day.

Ugh anon i feel you so much. I have skipped on many an exam during my bachelors because i just couldn't concentrate, focus or start revision. It's completely miserable to literally see the time go by where you feel the stress but you just cannot get your brain to start on what you need to do.

Any time i told teachers and now colleagues that i work well with deadlines i get told i'm not motivated enough because if i was i wouldn't need deadlines. That's just so unfair! My brain is graving dopamine, it's not laziness that my brain does this, it's literally just ADHD.

This is the same reason why your brain (usually) jumps into action when that crippling anxiety hits, because you're so close to a deadline that your brain can smell the dopamine.

The only reason that i finished my 6 month thesis is because i had many mini deadlines during those 6 months. I felt the anxiety to finish a part of it every month and i had a teacher who was very nice and gave you compliments when you did (DOPAMINE). If i didn't have that i would still be writing my thesis now.

ADHD is so misunderstood by so many people. It affects every part of your life and the negative consequences are so much bigger and impactful than the potential positive outcomes. I mean yeah i'm creative and can think fast, awesome but that doesn't make up for the anxiety, stress and grief you go through anytime your brain just doesn't want to start something.

[another-dr-another]

Higa - …

Higa - …Uhm…

//Tsurugi hides his face behind his hands, and lays his arms flat on his upper legs- he’s completely drawn away, and yet, Maeda and Taira can audibly hear as his breathing turns rapid.

Tsurugi, hyperventilating - I… I…

Higa - …

//Higa begins to move, before he falters- he spends a moment hesitating, while Tsurugi continues to cry. Slowly, he crosses over to Tsurugi, and sits side by side with him- once he’s committed to the action, Higa reaches over, and, while stiff and awkward with his moments, begins to pat Tsurugi’s back.

Maeda - …

Maeda - I’m… starting to feel like I’m intruding.

Higa - I, uh…

//Tsurugi takes a few breaths- loud, and shaky, but more controlled than his breathing has been. He begins to unfurl-

Tsurugi - Sh-Shit, I’m sorry…

//Able to think more clearly, Tsurugi shifts away from Higa. His feet were resting on the floor below the stairs, but now, he places them on the step he’s sitting on, and uses them to inch backwards until his back is to the wall. His legs are no longer drawn to his chest, and his hands go behind his head, but he’s still tucked behind his limbs, though he’s now able to look Higa in the eye while he speaks.

Tsurugi - I- I’m sorry, Higa. I shouldn’t have…

Tsurugi - It wasn’t alright for me to freak out on you like that, especially after you had just gotten startled yourself.

Tsurugi - I was… spooked, by everything that had happened, so I spoke without thinking, because I was scared, and I wasn’t in the right place mentally to deal with that in an appropriate manner.

//Tsurugi is still calming down- he takes a moment to breathe, and wipe at his eyes.

Tsurugi - It’s not… it isn’t true that the others want you dead… but it was true that they didn’t want me to be left alone with you,

Tsurugi - And genuinely, I don’t think you would have survived that if you were with anyone else. 

Tsurugi - And… I’m not sure how many would have, again, fallen down the stairs to keep you safe, not after you caused them to fall.

Tsurugi - The way I expressed my thoughts wasn’t okay, but…

Tsurugi - I hope… you can tell that…

Tsurugi - …I’m sorry, I’m trying to think of how I should word this…

Higa - …

Higa - Don’t… apologize to me.

Higa - It’s… I’ve done worse than warn people that they’re doing dumb shit, and I’ve done it for less… noble reasons.

Tsurugi, nodding - …

//Tsurugi seems to be calmed down now- the tension finally leaves his body, as his guard comes back down. 

Tsurugi - …That all in mind, though…

Tsurugi - I tell you this because I think I can change- nobody wants to be upset with others, or view them as a threat to everyone’s safety.

Tsurugi - I wouldn’t say everything I did unless I thought it could help you- I’ve chatted with people about it, people who have…

Tsurugi - People who are really upset about what you’ve been doing-

Higa - Uehara?

Tsurugi - …Actually, no?

Tsurugi - Uehara doesn’t want me around you because you tried to beat me, and you nabbed my hearing aid. I was thinking about other people. You’ve kinda upset everyone, Higa.

Tsurugi - But anyways, even if they’re not your biggest fan, everyone I’ve talked with hopes that you’ll change. 

//Tsurugi stands up.

Taira - …Maeda. Step back.

Maeda - …Huh?

Taira - Just- like this.

//While Tsurugi speaks, Maeda and Taira take a few steps back from the half wall- if Maeda gets on his toes, and cranes his neck, he can juuust see Higa and Tsurugi. 

Tsurugi - I know I keep saying this… but as much as I value being light hearted, and finding ways to be happy, and enjoy life even in this situation…

Tsurugi - We can’t afford to treat this like a normal situation. 

Tsurugi - Bit on the nose, but it’s a killing game. Play along, and work out what the best strategy is to make sure you don’t get knocked out.

Tsurugi - Losing is a very real possibility, but there’s no rule that says we can’t work together, and we’ve been shown that getting singled out is how you get picked off.

Tsurugi - So… 

Tsurugi - Okay, sorry, I have to make this point seriously.

Tsurugi - Stop whacking people, for the love of god. I’m being so dead serious about this-

Tsurugi - The bigotry is horrible and I hope you change, but if that’s going to happen, it’ll be a long process.

Tsurugi - The physically hurting people. That has to stop, I swear. Stop pulling that shit.

Tsurugi - …

Tsurugi, gently - Thank you… for talking with me, Higa.

Higa - …

Higa - Yeah.

Higa - …I’m sorry, by the way.

Higa - For, uh- for causing you to fall earlier.

Tsurugi - I appreciate the apology, Higa. That means a lot- I can tell you’re being genuine, and it makes me happy.

//Higa shifts, and Tsurugi, once more, reaches a hand out to him, which Higa accepts- with much less trepidation this time.

Maeda - …This is… really nice to see.

Maeda - I mean genuinely, I feel warm now…

Maeda - …

Maeda - Eugh. Nausea…

//Tsurugi pulls Higa up, and turns to head up the stairs, when he suddenly winces.

Tsurugi, hissing - Aaahhhh…

Higa - …Tsurugi? Is everything okay.

//Tsurugi nods, but his lips are drawn tightly together. He cringes, and slowly, carefully moves his hands, fingers carefully grazing the back of his neck. He hisses once again, and squeezes his eyes shut.

Tsurugi - …Fuck.

Tsurugi - Yeah, I’m okay.

//He seems to be emotionally alright now, however, a few tears escape his eyes-

Maeda - …Oh, shit. Did he get hurt?

Higa - …Woah, wait. What’s wrong?

Tsurugi - Uh- I’m fine, really.

Tsurugi - I just… I think I hit a bone wrong when we fell- knock on wood, but I don’t think it’s fractured or anything.

Tsurugi, lowering his arms - Just uh… aches, for lack of a better term.

Higa - …

Higa - I’m…

Higa - …Thank you. For uh- for earlier.

Tsurugi, teasing - …For saving your life?

Higa, serious - Guess so.

Tsurugi - …

Tsurugi - …Oh, son of a motherfucking bitch. Okay.

Tsurugi - Higa. Just how long do you think we’ve spent out here?

Higa - …

Higa - Are you alright to walk up the stairs?

Tsurugi - Shit, I’m good to run!

Higa - Let’s- Lets not do that…

Taira - …Back.

Maeda - …?

Maeda, understanding - Oh, hell. 

Maeda - Yeah, got it.

//Maeda and Taira take a few more steps back, then-

Taira - Gotta play it right… and pray no one thinks too hard.

//Taira grabs the cuff of Maedas sleeve, and tugs him forward, moving quickly-

Taira - Tsurugi, Higa, hey.

//The two on the stairs glance up just in time to see- well, to see Taira and Maeda arrive at the top of the stairs. Of course that’s what happened- the two must have just ran over, their prior momentum visible in the little ways that their sudden stop impacts them. The way that Tairas hair swings, and how Maeda skids to a stop makes it apparent that they sped over and just stopped- obviously, they haven’t been lurking at the top of the stairs, no sir.

Tsurugi - Oh!

Tsurugi - Hiya, Maeda! And hello, Taira!

Tsurugi - …I didn’t mean to like, ignore you, and just say hi to Maeda.

Tsurugi - If “Hiya Maeda” isn’t the first thing that I say, then the whole entire world will explode.

Tsurugi - So, y’know.

Maeda - Hi, Tsurugi.

//Tsurugi waves at Maeda- Maeda waves back at him, then leans over to look more directly at Higa, and wave to him as well.

Higa - …

Higa, waving - Hey.

Maeda - ���Hm.

Maeda - Higa seems… genuinely impacted by everything. 

Maeda - I wonder though, if he’s just surprised that Tsurugi would yell at him, or if what Tsurugi managed to actually strike a nerve.

Maeda - Speaking of…

//Tsurugi’s still a bit pink in the face, with his eyes and nose having an especial tint to them. Maeda knows what to look for, so he can pick out a few tear tracks, and notes that Tsurugis eyes appear glossy.

Maeda - …

Maeda - To be fair, Tsurugi is always crying. So, I don’t think anyone will be particularly concerned.

Maeda - …Honestly, Higa is the one who’s more noteworthy, I mean he really just seems…

Higa - …What are you two doing here?

Taira - Oh, we just figured we’d wait for you two, since we were the last duos to show up- right, Maeda?

Maeda - Mhm!

Tsurugi - Hm-hm~

Tsurugi - We should prolly head in now, if everyone’s ready?

Taira - Alright.

//Taira turns to leave, and the rest follow her.

Maeda - …

//Maeda adjusts his pace to fall into step with Tsurugi, walking by his side. Again, Tsurugis calmed down, but he still seems to be bouncing back from everything that happened.

Maeda - …I don’t- Tsurugi, pspsps, look over here- dude, c’mon…

//Tsurugi seems to sense Maedas frustration, and glances over at him.

Maeda - Okay, uh…

//Maeda gestures at his own eyes, then points vaguely at Tsurugi, and looks at him. Tsurugi gets the message- Maeda is asking if he’s okay, and telling Tsurugi that he’s worried because Tsurugi looks as though he’s been crying.

Tsurugi - !

//Tsurugi waves a hand dismissively, and smiles- he’s fine!

Maeda - …

//Something tugs dully at Maeda, from the back of his head.

Maeda - …I should have, uh…

//Maeda starts checking his assorted pockets- checking his jacket, then jeans…

Maeda - …Yeah, no, I always…

//He checks his jacket again. There’s a quiet crinkle as his fingers finally meet plastic-

Maeda - There we are.

//Maeda moves closer to Tsurugi, gently pressing their arms together- he pulls his hand from his pocket, and pushes what he’s found towards Tsurugi.

Tsurugi - …!

//Tsurugi points to himself, silently asking if it’s for him. Maeda gives a small nod, trying to get Tsurugi to be sneaky as well.

Tsurugi, surprised - …

//Tsurugi quickly reaches over- and grabs the sucker that Maeda has been trying to gift to him.

Tsurugi, very quietly - Thank you!

//Maeda smiles, and moves away- as though nothing ever happened.

Maeda - Figured I had to have one somewhere…

~*~

Maeda, narrating - Oh, we’re at the rec room-

Maeda - It’s, like… right at the top of the stairs. Very first thing you see.

Maeda - It’s weird that everyone’s had the door shut, I imagine it’ll get hot in there…

{Head into the Rec Room}

[microsuedemouse]

things that happened at work tonight

I had to do an employee satisfaction survey and I was as mean as it’s possible to be in a survey where nearly all the questions are statements where all you can do is choose from strongly agree/agree/neutral/disagree/strongly disagree. you may not have given me space to air my actual grievances, but I sure will make my level of frustration known

I called a mischievous little girl, no older than four at the most, a monkey, after she reached up and tapped the help button on the machine (which calls me over) while her dad wasn’t looking. with an enormous grin on her face, she spent the next several minutes softly repeating “I’m a monkey… a MONKEY” to herself while she waited for her dad to finish checking out.

our loss prevention manager had to kick a lady out of the store after someone saw her pick up a packaged meal at the deli, open it and eat several bites, and then put it back. the lady apparently made a huge fuss and security had to be called? I don’t think we have an actual security guard so I don’t know who that would be. a mystery

I watched a guide dog in training simply Give Up. his trainers were taking a few minutes at the self-checkout machine and he just collapsed on his side on the floor and gave them Sad Eyes when they started giggling at him. to his credit, he got up and was very well-behaved as soon as they gave him an actual command! but clearly he was pretty tired lol.

I listened to a couple of college-aged, musclehead-lookin’ dudes still in their workout clothes (we have a 24hr gym next door) snipe at each other while they checked out - one complaining to the other “why didn’t you put this in a produce bag, I don’t wanna put my zucchini right on the scale, it’s gross. dude you’re gross” and the other answering “bro we’re gonna wash it before we eat it, relax. dude look at you, you can’t even SPELL zucchini” which was fun. also they were lamenting the prices and cursing G*len W*ston’s name and griping “yeah right it’s ‘inflation,’ come on, we’ve all heard about the profit margins…” also also, they started grilling me about the lady who got kicked out in bullet point three, because they came into the store just in time to hear her being yelled at and desperately wanted to know all the juicy details lmao. unfortunately I knew very few details myself at that time

the LP manager went rocketing past me at one point and I looked up to see her chasing a couple of kids out the door and into the parking lot. ten minutes later, I was approached by a kid maybe 12 or 13 years old, red-faced and damp-eyed and evidently uncomfortable, with an armful of deli items. “my friends just stole these,” he explained to me. “a blonde lady chased them out?” I called the aforementioned LP manager and she hurried out to see him. he was quick to tell her - “it wasn’t me, it was my friends, but I got really really mad at them, and I wanted to bring this stuff back…” she thanked him very much for doing so, and as soon as he was out of sight we both melted.

and honestly, I don’t give a shit about people shoplifting, in the broad sense. obviously it’s a pain to me as an employee, but beyond any effect on me personally… the company can more than afford it. (although I’m not super impressed with kids doing it just for shits. it’s one thing if you’re broke; it’s kind of another if you’re 13 and just trying to be cool.) but we spent the rest of the night talking amongst ourselves about how impressed we all were with this kid for (at his age!) having the courage not only to take a stand against his friends when he felt that what they were doing was wrong, but also to take the stuff they’d stolen back and bring it back to the store in spite of the genuine possibility that he could then get in trouble himself.

like, having spoken to him, I could tell he was RATTLED. with the context it was pretty clear to me that he’d just given his buddies a good lashing. and tbh, huge props to him for that. being able to tell your friends off for being assholes is tough at any age; at 12-13 it’s fucking herculean. so. I’ll be thinking about him for a bit.

oh oh also. one of my recent favourite customers got really excited and offered me a fist bump when I remembered her name. (she’s insanely sweet and always remembers MY name so I made a point of it! but it was really cute how happy she was about it)

[daddypyne]

I am the same age as the boys.

I was graduating/starting college when I really became obsessed with them. I had big plans for my life and not being able to afford college in the city of my dreams was such a low point for me. It kinda started my whole spiral and deep depression. But I had One Direction. I had just joined Tumblr so of course they were everywhere and it was so easy to get hooked and I ate it all up. I loved having something else in my life to focus on when in real life I genuinely felt like I had nothing. I had barely any friends, I was losing a connection with everyone I loved. I was just a shell of a person but I had these five boys I quickly fell in love with.

Through Tumblr and my 1D obsession I ventured and made my first round of online friends. Many of the friends I made, im still actually friends with like fairly close to. I met my soulmate through this obsession. I met someone who just got me, who was in the same dark space and we both kinda stayed in that dark space together until we were ready to leave it.

We shared so much together and grew so much together and with every step of the way we had the boys with us. They didn’t know we existed but they were a part of this. We all grew up together. Together we did things we always talked about and never really knew we’d pull off. She’d visit me home in LA and visit Disney, did a 1D concert here. I’d visit in NY (which surprise is where I had meant to go to college) and even did a 1D concert in Jersey. I even moved to NY then we moved to FL together working for the mouse.

17/18 year old me would have never imagined all I’d do. 16 year old me who was scarily depressed and su*c*dal would have never guessed I lived long enough to make some dreams come true and to be happy.

Yeah at some point along the way Zayn left and 1D did break up but they were still there. Everything they had done for us and everything we had done because of them was still there.

But life went on and I met my future husband. I got pregnant. We stopped being roomies and my soulmate started living her life (which I’m so insanely proud of her ) and I lived mine. She’s got such a bad ass career and now I’m a wife mom of two.

For a while now I’ve mourned my old life. Not because I don’t like my own life now, I adore my new little family , but because that phase of my life, the one that started with 1D, was the first and maybe only time in my life I lived for me. I did what I wanted. I learned to be unafraid. I could be selfish and it was okay, there was no guilt. For a while now it’s been over cause I now have a three year old. I’ve been aware. But yesterday, hearing that someone I was genuinely in love with (and yes I know he turned out to not be great and I mourn that too) is gone, forever, really solidified how far gone that phase of my life is. It’s gone gone. A memory I will cherish forever but that’s all it is now.

Grief is weird and complex.

It doesn’t help that the day before marks the 16th anniversary of my best friend passing. Meaning his presence in death is older than he was when he passed. That’s been an insane roller coaster of emotion.

I’m struggling. I know I’ll likely book an appointment with my therapist and write a mini novel in my diary to cope.

But Tumblr used to be my diary, my safe space. I used to lay it all out when I was having a lot of feelings and i definitely always had a lot of feelings.

I can’t believe how fast time has gone. I can’t believe he’s gone because this wasn’t supposed to happen for years and years. I think maybe I always knew a celebrity death would one day numb me like this just maybe not now.

I’m thankful to have people who are allowing me to grieve and move through these complex feelings.

I think I have a lot of tears left because they’ve been on and off since yesterday.

I just can’t believe this is real life and this really happened.

[punkscowardschampions]

Ruster

Rio: [Okay, so this is giving just before Xmas like the holiday has begun but y’all aren’t here for the big day yet, they’ve just turned 14]

Rio: Are you all coming to Dublin this year like normal?

Buster: Why wouldn’t we be?

Rio: If everyone had different plans then maybe it’d be cool for us to but I don’t want to miss out

Buster: Nothing would give me greater pleasure than to announce my parents having made different plans but they’d be required to do the honours themselves first

Rio: How awful for you to have such stable parents, I do feel terrible

Buster: Hilarious as your attempts at wit always are, it sounds as though you’d be better served saving them for your unstable parents and own awful Christmas, to cheer things up where possible

Rio: Calm down, no one is trying to impress you, boy

Rio: It isn’t my parents, or instability, my mama is as settled as she’s ever been, somehow

Buster: A miracle isn’t on my Christmas list, especially not from your side of the family, you can be the one to relax

Buster: I’ll feign the usual gratitude for [whatever he usually gets from Alison, or the vibe of] when I unwrap it the morning of

Rio: Sure, that’d require some imagination and what boutique is selling it, eh?

Rio: It’ll be as appreciated as usual, no doubt

Buster: [some shops we’re shading for thinking they’re so imaginative when they are nothing of the sort]

Rio: Wow, yeah

Rio: not hard to believe your world lives and dies on a few streets

Buster: Nor is it you’ve seen and done it all, babe, you’d have everyone believe that

Rio: Not quite all

Rio: Have to save some stuff for my early twenties or I’m way ahead of schedule

Buster: Not to mention the therapist’s chair, once your mummy’s love life is unstable again

Rio: Now, only people who call their mammy mummy can afford and be bothered to find therapists, much more your side of the family’s craic that

Rio: and it isn’t going to be unstable again, that’s the point

Buster: You get what you pay for, but free therapy is bound to be better than unaddressed generational trauma and the waiting list’ll probably get to you by the time my point’s been proved truer than yours

Rio: Not you inadvertently pointing out that that generational trauma would be going down all branches of the family tree

Buster: I’m aware none of us are getting out completely unscathed, the apple doesn’t fall as far as my parents moved themselves in a bid to escape

Rio: Do your parents go to therapy?

Buster: She did, she doesn’t think there’s much to recommend it, and given how hard her arm was forced, I can’t say I blame her

Rio: There you go then, if I needed any more proof your suggestion wasn’t the least bit genuine

Buster: I’m suggesting it for you if you’re actually receptive to going, there’s still the possibility it could genuinely help you, under different circumstances

Rio: I wouldn’t have anything to talk about

Rio: I just don’t know if I want my Christmases to look any different

Buster: I’m hardly the person to talk to about that, I have even less control over yours than I do my own

Rio: I’m not

Rio: I was just asking what you were doing

Buster: Which I’ve already answered, the rest is useless window dressing worthy of the season but not my time

Rio: You’ve been going on and on, trying to get a dig to land

Rio: thanks for your answer, really helpful

Buster: You’re welcome

Rio: Unfortunately for you, I’m sure we’ll see each other before you leave, even if not on the actual day so

Buster: I’ll find a way to cope, helpfully, as your Christmas is set to crash and burn without any from me

Rio: ‘Tis the season 🥂

Rio: Edie might give it a go but it’s looking unlikely

Buster: Voyeurism isn’t my go-to but she never lacks an audience

Rio: Creepy as that was to say, you’re still not her target demographic

Buster: No creepier than her target demographic, I’d bet

Rio: It’s just other kids like her and Liam pretending

Buster: Excluding anyone pretending to be a kid, yeah

Rio: The stranger danger riot act coming from you?

Buster: What’s that supposed to mean?

Rio: It’s just funny that you’re giving me all these lectures when I can see how you spend your time via Nance’s excessive social media posting

Buster: If you can’t tell the difference between a lecture and an observation, you really are spending too long on Nance’s socials

Rio: Voyeurism isnt your thing nor mine

Buster: Neither is being hit over the head and yet, your family repeatedly try their best to succeed where my postcode’s attention seeking has failed

Rio: Where’s the try, honey

Rio: it comes naturally

Buster: Not the flex you think it is to be a natural disaster, but take the accolades where you can

Rio: I don’t ‘flex’

Rio: You’ll acclimatise soon, remember where you are

Buster: Of course not, what is there to take pride in, where you are?

Rio: Where we are is where our parents got us, no pride to be taken

Buster: None before a fall, which yours have got you headed for at any given time

Rio: Your concern is touching but I’m just fine

Buster: My concern is non-existent, like your reassurance of how fine you are

Rio: As you don’t care then the issue is the same

Rio: I’ll sort it myself

Buster: You didn’t ask for solutions to any of your issues

Rio: I can’t make her leave him alone, if that’s what he’ll be

Buster: Either they’re a legitimate couple and he can join my dad for a pint or they aren’t and his Christmases are numbered

Rio: Be nice to live in your world where everything is black and white

Buster: Shades of grey is a book title and a shit one at that

Rio: I didn’t hate the books

Buster: You wouldn’t

Rio: Have you actually read them?

Rio: Or just heard that they sucked and gone with popular opinion

Buster: I started, and in mine, she should’ve sought out some other opinions on what makes a decent book, leading man or relationship

Rio: It’s not supposed to be an aspirational relationship

Rio: but at least that’s your own incorrect opinion, I suppose

Buster: Tell that to everyone lapping it up as one

Rio: People just find [the actor] attractive, there’s not much else to it

Buster: They live boring lives, not a me problem

Rio: You wish

Buster: You can see how I spend my time, allegedly

Buster: perhaps you’re bored witnessing it but I’m not living it

Rio: That’s a relief

Buster: I’ll have to save some stuff for my early twenties too, babe

Rio: There’s still all the clubs that you’re too young for

Buster: That’s a relief

Rio: Do you like [whatever club Nancy has told us she cannot wait to go to] too?

Buster: As you just pointed out, I’m yet to be allowed in

Buster: What's to like about playing a waiting game?

Rio: Delayed gratifications not your bag neither, cool

Rio: I don’t know, whatever she’s hyped it up to being in her head from the stories is probably going to be better than it will be now, something to be said for it

Buster: I go after what I want when I want it

Buster: daydreaming’s for people who never will

Rio: Waitings all there is sometimes, it’s unavoidable

Rio: may as well enjoy it

Buster: Setting goals you can achieve now while the bigger ones are falling into place is enjoyable, you can avoid sitting still

Rio: There’s not sitting still with five brothers and sisters, trust me

Buster: It’s unlikely I’ll get any more than the 2 sisters, taking your word for it is all I can do

Rio: I’d say never say never but it seems unlikely it’s in the 5-year plan, yeah

Buster: We’re enough

Rio: Enough trouble or as a compliment?

Rio: My mama is going to have more, which is going to be weird

Buster: She can take my surprise she’s not pregnant already as a compliment

Rio: You can have that conversation with her, weirdo

Rio: Not particularly festive but not the weirdest by our family’s standard

Buster: The gift that keeps on giving is I’m too old to be forced into awkward conversation with every relative in the room

Rio: Good luck trying to avoid my mammy as one of them though

Buster: I don’t need luck, everyone else will be wanting to talk to her whether she brings him or not

Rio: Hence I can hardly blame her for wanting to skip the turkey and stuffing

Buster: But you do, you haven’t stopped sulking

Rio: Because there’s a little more at stake here than that, if you hadn’t heard that less sexy nugget of gossip

Buster: I don’t listen to gossip, wrong twin

Rio: Yeah, well

Rio: Junior isn’t here

Buster: Yeah, well

Buster: Santa isn’t real

Rio: How mature

Buster: It’s an excuse for a piss up, like St Paddy’s or granddad’s birthday, no magic

Rio: I’m not asking for a miracle

Rio: I’m saying if we weren’t playing happy families then perhaps his daddy might be more inclined to let us know where he is if not see him

Buster: And I’m saying, your mummy and new daddy might as well drown their sorrows here over the choices they’ve made and their consequences, she’ll have to own them regardless of where you spend the hol

Rio: It’ll be a choice she’s made for him, not herself

Buster: I wouldn’t know what she’s doing or for who, you’re in a better position to judge that

Rio: Not so

Rio: If you weren’t obligated to, you’d not choose to spend your time with them either

Buster: Unfortunately, I’ve got years left before I can decide how I’d rather spend my time, cheers for the reminder

Rio: What else are we here for but to make your life just that little bit shitty

Buster: The choice is yours to antagonise me

Rio: Nope, that’s all yours

Buster: Name one recent conversation I’ve started, it’s always you

Rio: Exactly, you choose to come at it with this attitude, not me

Buster: I don’t come at you, full stop, I leave you alone

Rio: Dreadful manners

Buster: It’s as bad manners to initiate unwanted conversation

Rio: Such a boy

Buster: There are plenty of girls you can talk to instead

Rio: I only needed to know what you were doing on the day

Buster: Ask Nance, she’s synced up to the same calendar I am

Rio: Too late now but next time

Buster: Or Ava, she has the best manners, if you’re concerned with them

Rio: She’s also a child

Buster: She knows what we’re doing

Rio: Don’t be awkward 

Buster: Don’t pretend you only care about festive logistics

Rio: I’m not pretending, I don’t

Buster: What do you want from me?

Rio: I thought you might have some actual advice but that was a mistake, forget it

Buster: What do you want to achieve?

Rio: I don’t know, what I can

Rio: I just want the others to have a good day, to know where Junior is

Buster: I’d be doing you no favours acting like where or how he is is something either of us can control

Rio: Yeah, fair enough

Buster: You could still make sure they have a good day though, in spite of his dad’s disappearing act

Rio: Grace wouldn’t mind staying home but all the others would rather be at the pub with everyone else

Rio: I’ll just have to tell her, or take everyone for lunch after presents, that could work

Buster: Tell her she’s outnumbered, no-one’s fault but her own she can’t stop having kids or that they’re opinionated

Rio: I don’t think I’ll phrase it quite like that

Buster: Soften it with your nice manners, naturally

Rio: Naturally

Rio: I can make it sound like a nice thing, alone time for them

Buster: It will be, honeymoon phase obviously being far from over

Rio: That’d be a poor show, even for a normal couple

Buster: We don’t know any normal couples, normalised is as close as we’re getting

Rio: Rude but true

Rio: I meant he’s the love of her life, not just a love of the current moment

Buster: I know what you meant

Rio: I don’t dislike him, it’s not that cliche for me

Buster: Even if you did, you wouldn’t prioritise it

Rio: Of course not

Rio: it’s about the kids

Buster: They’re her ultimate priority, love of her life or not, anything else is bullshit

Rio: And that’s true, whatever you may think

Buster: It doesn’t matter what I think

Rio: Just saying, don’t

Buster: I’m not

Rio: You are capable of manners, when you choose to

Buster: If she was unfit it’d have been evident before now, there’s none, despite what Junior’s dad thinks

Rio: He’s always been like that

Rio: It must be hard, being in his position but there’s no excuse to do this

Buster: A prick? Yeah

Rio: Jealous and insecure

Buster: And a pussy, exactly

Rio: No one wants to be second-best

Buster: No-one made him settle for being, he chose to be with her with the knowledge he was

Rio: And you wouldn’t?

Buster: Fuck no, I don’t go where I’m not wanted

Rio: Hmm

Rio: but if I was in love with someone, maybe I’d put up with it

Buster: It’s not love if it’s that one-sided they’d be willing to let you put up with that, can’t be

Buster: it’s an exercise in self-harm, about you more than them

Rio: It wasn’t one-sided, you can still care for someone even if you can’t give them everything

Buster: You get one love of your life, if our parents have taught us anything

Buster: but if they don’t love you back, it’s not, call it infatuation, obsession, whatever you want, how well can you say you know them if you don’t realise it’s blatantly one-sided?

Rio: Some people aren’t as lucky, that’s all I’m saying

Rio: Ronan obviously thinks she’s the love of his life but she can’t be

Rio: I’d probably go crazy too, in that position

Buster: Some people wouldn’t know what to do with the actual love of their life, so they cling to someone who isn’t, can’t be and has shown no indication that they are

Buster: like I said, he’s a pussy

Rio: And what about my daddy?

Buster: He doesn’t love anyone but himself

Rio: Ha 🙄

Buster: No-one finds it funny, except him maybe

Rio: Forget I asked, seriously

Buster: Because you don’t like my answer

Rio: Because you don’t know him, so you can’t make an educated guess

Buster: And you do?

Rio: Yes, Buster, I do

Buster: I see you more often than he does, a flight away

Rio: And when’s the last time we had a quality conversation?

Buster: When’s the last time your dad was capable of holding a conversation, when he was our age? He’s too high on his own supply

Rio: I’ve had conversations with him

Buster: About himself and things he cares about

Rio: I care about the things he cares about, getting to know him

Buster: Which doesn’t mean it’s reciprocal, just because you wish it was

Rio: I know he loves me

Rio: that’s all that matters 

Buster: What matters is he shows it, when does he?

Rio: You know that we see him at Christmas too

Buster: That isn’t what I asked

Rio: I don’t know why you’re asking

Buster: Yeah you do, you’re not an idiot

Rio: There’s no need to point score

Buster: His loss doesn’t win me anything

Rio: Just more smug satisfaction

Buster: What satisfaction do you think I get from watching your stubborn blindspot to his fuck ups?

Rio: We only get one mum and one dad too, you know

Buster: Which doesn’t mean they can treat you like shit, mine have earned my love and respect

Rio: Mine too

Buster: You’ve given yours, earned or not

Rio: It is

Rio: None of us are perfect

Buster: It isn’t though

Buster: and he isn’t even good, never mind perfect

Rio: What do you want from me?

Buster: I’m not going to get it, and you’re not going to get anything you want from him

Rio: Merry Christmas, like

Buster: Being grounded in reality isn’t all fun and games

Rio: Dreaming never hurt anybody

Buster: Deluding yourself will, especially where he’s concerned

Rio: I know who he is and what, okay

Buster: Does Grace? You act like you’re super concerned for the kids but that’s all it is if you don’t follow through on her not getting hurt

Rio: I look after all my siblings, don’t try to tell me how to do my job

Buster: If my dad was a fucking deadbeat I wouldn’t let Ava get her hopes up he wasn’t, that he gave a shit when he’s nothing but a selfish user of your mum and now you

Rio: Wow

Buster: Do your job properly or don’t pretend you care

Rio: You know as little about Grace as you do my dad so just leave it out

Buster: You wish, everyone knows it’s a shitshow of a situation

Rio: It doesn’t matter or mean anything to you

Buster: It’ll be embarrassing when history repeats itself in the years to come before I’m divorced from this

Rio: I don’t care and you’ll survive

Buster: Clearly, your sibling bullshit is just that, totally performative

Rio: Fuck you

Rio: you have no idea what I do for them

Buster: Not enough, whatever you supposedly do

Buster: because you’re preoccupied giving your daddy endless chances to be a disappointment

Rio: That’s not true at all

Buster: Yeah it is

Rio: It’s not, if you think that then you don’t know me at all anymore

Buster: Everyone knows you’re too much like your mum for your own good in that sense, I’m the only one who’ll say it to your face, that’s all

Buster: other members of the family would rather consider it a virtue or ignore the unfavourable comparison entirely, along with the situation

Rio: You can see it however you want

Rio: I’d rather be like her any day

Buster: I see it how it is, as a weakness he’s exploited

Rio: Love is not a weakness

Buster: He doesn’t love you

Rio: I hate you, you know

Buster: Hate me then, I’m right regardless

Buster: he hasn’t proved he loves you with a single one of his actions

Rio: If he didn’t love me, the twins wouldn’t exist, he’d not have come back

Buster: He didn’t come back for you, he’s an opportunist

Rio: Your toddler wisdom told you that? You have no clue

Buster: You don’t, I can follow the clues easily because I’m not being emotionally manipulated

Rio: Are you done upsetting me?

Buster: Remind me how many other kids he has first, is anyone even keeping count anywhere?

Rio: You’re so judgmental

Buster: Because that isn’t the behaviour of someone who thinks you’re special and values you, or any of his kids, for that matter

Rio: You’re the one that’s insecure about being enough for your parents, not me

Buster: Not me either, babe

Buster: I’m very secure in my achievements and potential

Rio: Very secure people don’t spend their time running others down but sure

Buster: You asked, it isn’t my fault you can’t handle the truth

Rio: The truths not whatever you say it is

Buster: Nor is it what you pray for before you go to sleep

Rio: My reality suits me as well as yours does, thanks 

Buster: My reality’s the same as everyone else’s, it suits me to live in the real world

Rio: So down-to-earth

Buster: Head in the clouds wouldn’t get me far

Rio: ✈️ get your furthest

Buster: Only to Dublin for the foreseeable

Rio: Try not to say commiserations instead of cheers

Rio: people here actually care about you

Buster: I’m capable of manners, when I choose to

Rio: Allegedly so

Buster: In your own words, unless you don’t trust your instincts all of a sudden

Rio: I don’t trust your intentions, for good reason

Buster: You’re far too bad of a judge of character for me to be offended

Rio: Intuition isn’t needed, you’ve provided all the proof necessary 

Buster: Now you’re interested in proof, hypocritical but in no way unexpected

Rio: You’ve been a bastard this entire conversation, entirely on purpose

Rio: I fail to see what else you wanted me to take from it

Buster: Grow a backbone so I don’t have to leave you a random body part under the tree, wrapping that would be a bastard

Rio: No one believes you wrap your own gifts

Buster: Well, I’m willing to make exceptions sometimes

Rio: To prove a point, I’m certain 

Buster: Are you the only one allowed to be stubborn?

Rio: If we had to share traits, you can keep it

Buster: I have to share more than enough as is, thanks

Rio: I’m the wrong person to share your twin woes with

Buster: I couldn’t compete with your sob story, I know

Buster: don’t worry, you can keep it

Rio: You’re the one trying to make my life one big tragedy

Buster: If the shoe fits, turn it into a fairy tale instead, yeah?

Rio: Your parents sort of covered the whole rags to riches thing

Buster: Your mum covered so many kids she didn’t know what to do, and without being old or living in said shoe, congrats

Rio: Less than nan at current count

Buster: She thought she knew what to do, she just happened to be wrong

Rio: If you want to talk about who’s really stubborn

Buster: Must be where we both ours from

Rio: Probably

Rio: can’t just blame her for the generational trauma

Buster: Your life doesn’t have to be a tragedy because he’s useless, you know that, don’t you?

Rio: Oh my God

Rio: yes, I know that because my life is not and will not be a tragedy

Buster: Good

Rio: I’ll assure you it’s not going to be embarrassing, my future, even though it’s not your business

Buster: You’re not trying to impress or reassure me, understood

Rio: You aren’t my target demographic either, no

Buster: And I’m only interested in targeting your insecurities, past, present and future

Rio: Assess your priorities, honestly

Buster: Assess yours, you’re the only person I’ve ever met with an angel on each shoulder

Rio: Aw, now you’re working overtime to say something nice to me

Buster: Nice? I can’t think of a bigger shame or waste of potential

Rio: Oh hush

Rio: I can’t help that how lovely I am makes you feel bad for your moodiness

Buster: You’ll finish last every single time, that’s the genuine tragedy

Rio: You can only wait and see how wrong you are and that’s your least favourite thing to do so

Buster: I’m rarely wrong, I don’t need to wait it out

Rio: Why are you so scared of being nice?

Buster: I’m not scared of anything, there’s absolutely nothing to gain by being a doormat, as you’ve highlighted

Rio: I’m not a doormat

Buster: You’re too nice, it’s the same thing ultimately, people walk all over you

Rio: It’s not people, he’s my dad

Rio: it’s different, an exception

Buster: He isn’t the only person who does

Rio: Like who?

Buster: Your other nan, all your siblings, every boy you’ve been out with, to name a few examples of the countless

Rio: They’re family

Rio: and they’re exes for a reason

Buster: It’s a pattern for a reason

Rio: Boys suck, that’s the pattern you’re seeing

Buster: No, you put everyone else’s needs ahead of yours, constantly

Rio: I get what I need

Buster: Why are you so scared of focusing on yourself?

Rio: You said I should focus on my siblings before

Buster: Because I know the likelihood of the alternative, I’m not going to back a horse that won’t run

Rio: Your way with words leaves a lot to be desired 

Buster: I’m not captain of the debate team right now, school’s out

Rio: Always time for a humble brag

Buster: I never have time for humble

Rio: Excuse my manners for the misunderstanding

Buster: You always look for the good, doesn’t mean it’s there

Buster: that’s the misunderstanding you should worry more about

Rio: Said like you knew any of my boyfriends anyway, boy

Buster: They aren’t mysterious and we all know your type, no-one could call you shy when it comes to staying true to said form and another established, predictable pattern

Rio: 😅 Do we now?

Buster: Yeah

Rio: Maybe from where you’re sitting but they’ve been vastly different

Buster: Not where it matters

Rio: Give me a chance, I’ve got years to find the one

Buster: A chance to do what? Other than what you always do

Rio: Says you

Rio: you’re allowed to have fun

Buster: So are you, why aren’t you?

Rio: I am

Buster: Where and when?

Rio: I like having boyfriends, what’s hard to get about that?

Buster: If you like them that much, why are you collecting exes instead?

Rio: Well you either break up or stay together forever 

Rio: sort of how it works

Buster: What you like is maths, or you’re at least good at it

Rio: Do you have homework?

Buster: Every break, no exceptions

Rio: If you ask nicer than that, I’ll help 

Buster: I don’t need your help

Rio: Oh, why did you bring it up then?

Buster: I was bringing up odds, since you’re playing them in your dating life

Rio: Improving them with every new boyfriend, exactly

Buster: Slightly

Rio: No sense meeting them too early is there

Buster: I’d struggle to make sense of why you met up with any of them

Rio: You aren’t gay, you wouldn’t understand

Buster: Their appeal wouldn’t be difficult to understand, objectively, if they possessed any

Rio: You wouldn’t, you’re too stubborn

Rio: you want to be right and me to be all wrong

Buster: I don’t because they don’t and you are wrong

Rio: All my boyfriends have been hot

Rio: it’s their undesirable personality quirks that got them dumped

Buster: If you were a 6 or 7, but you’re not

Rio: So you’re saying my boyfriends should be hotter?

Buster: You could do better, aim higher

Rio: So could you though

Buster: I’m well aware none of them are a match for me

Rio: Brutal

Buster: Honest

Rio: It doesn’t make you feel bad?

Buster: About what?

Rio: I don’t know, I would feel bad if I was getting with lads that I thought were beneath me

Buster: It’s unavoidable, they’re all beneath me

Rio: Do you honestly think everyone is?

Buster: Thus far

Rio: Wow

Rio: Must be lonely

Buster: Like I said, you can keep your victory in the sob story stakes nevertheless

Rio: I’m good, thanks

Buster: Me too

Rio: Glad to hear it

Buster: I’m glad you’ve swallowed down your faux sympathy

Rio: Why would I feel sorry for you?

Buster: Exactly, don’t

Rio: I should, purely for how uncomfortable it makes you

Buster: You should keep your promise not to be embarrassing 

Rio: You can have it

Rio: You and your big speeches

Buster: You’ve never heard a speech before, makes sense

Buster: if your school has a debate team they’d reject you for being needlessly concerned with manners

Rio: I’m pretty sure respect is a fundamental with any debate, no

Rio: but it’s safe to say I would not be caught dead

Buster: Sportsmanship isn’t tripping over yourself to be nice, it’s fairness

Rio: I don’t find it as hard as you clearly perceive it to be, being nice

Buster: No, you find it hard to set a boundary, which isn’t fair to anyone

Rio: Jesus

Rio: says the boy who keeps talking when I tell him to shut up

Buster: You wanted to talk

Rio: You’ve danced on the boundaries I’ve set but no, keep telling me I’m wrong, you arsehole

Buster: I touched a nerve, you’re upset because everyone else tells you how great you are and I don’t

Rio: Bollocks am I

Rio: I’m upset because you’re saying hurtful things to get a reaction

Buster: I won’t say what you want to hear

Rio: I don’t care what you have to say, we don’t need to talk

Buster: Then don’t ask me for my opinion

Rio: I’m not

Buster: You did, I wasn’t giving it unsolicited 

Rio: I don’t know what your problem is, genuinely

Buster: I’ve stated them, I don’t know how you expect me to much more plainly

Rio: Not your problem with me, your problem in general but it isn’t mine so never mind

Buster: I don’t have problems in general

Rio: Yep, it would be totally logical for me to be the beginning and the end of all of this anger you have

Buster: You provoke it, yeah

Rio: You’re antagonising

Buster: I avoid confrontation with you at every family event by avoiding you

Rio: I’ve done nothing to you, to make you hate me like this

Buster: You do nothing, that’s true

Rio: Just go back to ignoring me then

Buster: Stop ignoring everything, you’re so fucking passive whatever happens

Rio: Do you think I want a confrontation any more than you do?

Rio: You think you have more to lose but you don’t

Buster: You don’t want anything, not for yourself

Rio: Of course I do

Buster: All you care about is holding other people’s shit together

Rio: Why is it a bad thing to not want our family to fall apart?

Buster: You’re going to pull yourself apart trying

Rio: Your parents could leave because they had each other

Buster: They pick their battles, so do I

Rio: Could’ve fooled me

Buster: You’re a war, you have no idea

Rio: Pretty sure I do

Buster: You don’t

Rio: Now you’re being silly

Buster: You think you’ve seen even a fraction of the anger I have

Rio: I’m not afraid of you, Buster

Buster: Why would you be? It isn’t directed at you, my hate isn’t

Rio: Like I said, I don’t want to see anything bad happen 

Buster: Closing your eyes to it won’t make it go away

Rio: And nothing you’ve attempted has either but still

Buster: Nothing I’ve attempted was going to work

Rio: Doesn’t mean either of us can stop trying

Buster: I know that

Rio: Yeah, it’ll be fine, don’t worry

Rio: we’re barely going to be there

Buster: It’ll have to be, running out of options isn’t one, not for me

Rio: I can talk to someone else about this

Buster: You can do whatever you want, I’ve said my piece

Rio: Loud and clear

Buster: Attention on the former usually distracts from the latter

Rio: Thanks for the tip

Rio: If you happen to go out, avoid [a pub that you and your friends can get in]

Buster: Because I’m clearly a tourist who’ll loudly attract trouble?

Rio: If you like

Rio: though you’re not the loud twin, if we’re doing labels

Buster: Sometimes I am, if you like

Rio: TMI

Buster: If your mind will find itself in the gutter

Rio: You said it on purpose like that

Buster: But I could mean many different circumstances, your brain specified that one

Rio: I don’t need law school ambitions to know what plausible deniability is, thank you very much

Buster: You don’t need to warn me where to avoid, I know where you go, without your love of maths to point me in the direction of probability

Rio: Okay

Rio: Just trying to be proactive

Buster: As I’m so reactive

Rio: As you said I do nothing

Buster: You don’t do what I want you to

Rio: I am now

Buster: No, but if I have to tell you, you’re still not

Rio: Running out of options isn’t one

Buster: Being backed into a corner isn’t either

Rio: We’re on the same page, that has to make things easier

Buster: Easier for who?

Rio: Us

Rio: Everyone else remains oblivious

Buster: There’s no easier for us

Rio: That’s defeatist for you

Buster: Giving up would be defeatist 

Rio: I suppose that’s true

Buster: What’s worthwhile is difficult, first lesson I ever learnt

Rio: And then they left you up the mountain

Buster: And then I got myself down

Rio: You wanted to make up for Nance getting here before you

Buster: She brings it up every chance she gets, won’t let me live that down

Rio: Quite right

Buster: No, I was, staying as long as I could, we were too early

Buster: probably why she’s dyslexic, serves her right

Rio: I don’t know about that

Rio: but I’m glad you didn’t steal my birthday thunder

Buster: Terrible manners and an even worse first impression if I had

Rio: Be why you were in a rush to get out, can’t miss my birth

Buster: Took you years of hard work to hate me, why rush that?

Rio: You know I don’t actually hate you

Buster: I’ll keep trying

Rio: Good luck

Buster: How was your birthday?

Rio: Everything has been kinda weird since

Rio: but yeah, not terrible

Rio: yours?

Buster: I can’t remember, mine was ages ago

Rio: So you were wasted

Buster: Realistically, weren’t you?

Rio: Liam and Edie did a Halloween thing

Rio: I was having fun

Buster: [give her a costume specific compliment whatever she dressed up as cos she would’ve and you would’ve seen it and remember even if you don’t your party antics]

Rio: [tell him his party theme as if you’re jogging his memory and not just pointing out you also saw content]

Rio: Una liked [and whatever drug(s) you are saying you tried because the energy of not being drunk but also participating in this soiree]

Buster: What did you like?

Rio: [the party drug vibe] was fun but [something more trippy and introspective like acid or shrooms] wasn’t a good idea

Buster: [exchanging drug slang like lol lol in chelsea we call it this isn’t that posh and ridiculous because rich people truly can’t help themselves and he isn’t tancy, he can’t pretend he’s here for the silliness]

Rio: Are you messing?

Buster: Seriously

Rio: Oh wow

Rio: I’ve now got the biggest ick for all your cute friends

Buster: What cute friends?

Rio: Well, I fear that might be the case now

Buster: Consider the near miss a belated birthday or early Christmas present, babe

Rio: Yeah, yeah 😏

Rio: Nance doesn’t invite me over often enough for it to be a problem for you

Buster: She would if you still had the hots for any of our friends

Rio: Oh, I know 💘

Rio: There are enough players in that game though as is

Buster: It’s no Truth or Dare

Rio: No but I’m sure you play that still too

Buster: Don’t you?

Rio: I have, sure

Rio: Not recently

Buster: Why not?

Rio: Does there have to be why? 🤔

Buster: There always is

Rio: If you’re asking if I have a new boyfriend

Rio: I’ve been a little preoccupied lately

Buster: I wasn’t, your socials would tell me the answer should I have questions

Rio: Excuse you, I don’t post my every single thought or ALL my business

Buster: You post all your boyfriends

Rio: Just the ones I like would make me sound bad so okay, fine

Buster: I doubt they’re earning the label unless deemed worthy, by you at least, however temporarily

Rio: You mentioned how exacting your standards are, at least in theory

Buster: I hold myself to a high one, exempting anyone else would be ridiculous

Rio: I suppose I see the logic

Buster: It’s fairly self-explanatory

Rio: I just don’t like the implication that I have low standards, obviously

Rio: because I don’t

Buster: You have room to improve

Rio: So condescending, well done

Buster: A pep talk isn’t what you’re looking for

Rio: And you get off with idiots, same as me, same as everyone else

Buster: I’m not taking it personally, you are

Rio: You wouldn’t take your own high and mighty hypocrisy personally, duh

Buster: I don’t tether myself to the idiots I’m surrounded by to an unnecessary degree

Rio: Maybe it’s necessary for me

Buster: Of course you’d believe that

Rio: We can’t all be self-sufficient islands

Rio: I don’t want to be

Buster: You don’t want to admit defeat, when the lost cause shows himself to be

Rio: I’m not a quitter

Rio: doesn’t make me delusional

Buster: You’re a martyr 

Rio: A martyr, really?

Buster: Really

Rio: We’ve both known actual martyrs, what that looks like

Buster: Recognising an example at its most extreme doesn’t mean I can’t also when you’re yet to take yours as far

Rio: Wow

Rio: at least you’ve said how you really feel, yeah

Buster: Those are the rules, unless you’re going to dare me

Rio: Dare you to be a nice person?

Rio: Would be a waste

Buster: Of an opportunity, for you

Rio: Precisely, you’re perfectly capable if you choose it

Buster: What I’m capable of isn’t up for debate

Rio: Unless I ask you that, next truth

Buster: If you want to waste that too

Rio: Nah, it’s your turn anyway

Buster: I already told you I don’t have any questions

Rio: So

Buster: Tell your mum the truth instead

Rio: I don’t need to

Rio: I know what to do, everyone will be happy

Buster: Everyone is meant to include you

Rio: If everyone else is, why wouldn’t I be

Buster: Because it doesn’t work like that

Rio: It can

Rio: ‘tis the season for it

Buster: Excuses tend to start in January

Rio: It’s not an excuse!

Rio: Christmas is for the kids, that’s all that any of us cares about really

Buster: Maybe that’s a valid argument tried on someone else

Rio: Nothing changes for you, you can avoid me as usual

Buster: Nothing changes for you either

Rio: Ha, if only

Rio: nothing feels like it used to lately, this is me trying

Buster: Overcompensating

Rio: Projecting

Rio: two can play at this game, babe

Buster: What astute psychoanalysis 

Rio: No need for a PHD, naturally

Buster: Or such boring strategies, in my case

Rio: You’re very entertained, sure

Buster: There’s no shortage, whatever the season

Rio: I’ll leave you to it then

Rio: no sense in saying see you around

Buster: Like you said, we won’t and don’t need to

Buster: merry Christmas

Rio: This is so fucking bleak

Rio: can we not at least pretend to be civil?

Buster: Other family members will indulge you in all the polite small talk you could possibly want

Rio: I don’t want small talk

Buster: I don’t want to pretend

Rio: So stop

Buster: Is that a dare?

Rio: If you’re too scared to do it else

Buster: It isn’t your turn, remember

Rio: Awh, it’s okay

Buster: You’ll be without me holding your hand through [insert a christmas tradition he’s mocking here] 

Rio: When have you ever and where was I asking

Rio: You’ll be far too busy with your own and no one would ask otherwise 🍺🎯🎲🍺

Buster: [insert a childhood mem that there’s no need for him to bring up remotely, which is giving the energy of them sticking together/him looking after her through something]

Rio: Now he’s the memory

Buster: You’re the forgetful one

Rio: No, I’m the overly sentimental one, I’d forget nothing

Buster: And yet, you seemingly have who I am

Rio: Wishful thinking or genuinely?

Buster: You’re genuinely accusing me of being fake, aren’t you?

Rio: You said you don’t want to pretend, which means you are

Buster: You said you wanted us to, for civility’s sake

Rio: That’s not what I meant

Buster: It’s all I meant

Rio: Fine, tell me to keep up so you’ve covered stupid as well as poor

Rio: who’ll buy it if you don’t cover all bases

Buster: Find someone else to play with instead of flattering yourself your games are granting you unprecedented insight into my psyche

Rio: What psyche

Rio: You’re as transparent and predictable as every other boy in your postcode, congrats on it

Buster: Definite wishful thinking

Rio: On your part, perhaps but you’re so close

Buster: On yours, but hopefully the resulting ick you’re pretending to have will encourage you to keep your distance

Rio: You can keep your hope for yourself 

Buster: Why waste it?

Rio: It’s Christmas, live a little, Buster

Buster: It’s [whatever the date is like nope not yet]

Rio: A little too late to make the nice list

Buster: I’m top of my parents’ list

Rio: No you’re not, let’s not lie

Buster: You don’t know that Ava’s uncovered the Santa lie, that’s an educated guess

Rio: And she’s a smart girl, as well as the favourite

Buster: Yeah well, predictably, she’s my favourite too

Rio: You aren’t meant to have favourites

Rio: but I’m sure Nancy can cope better without the twin closeness than Gracie does

Buster: She does, hers is herself

Buster: and I’m sure it helps her cope with lots of things

Rio: Self-interest is a protective measure, sure

Rio: the only person who can let you down is yourself

Buster: Still no need for a PhD

Rio: They aren’t the letters you want after your name anyway and I sure as hell won’t get them either

Buster: You don’t want them either, you’re purely prodding to try and touch a nerve and get your own back, not for any deeper interest in the subject

Rio: No I am not

Rio: if I wanted to get a reaction out of you, I could do it easily

Buster: No you couldn’t, let’s not lie, babe

Rio: Uhuh 🙄

Buster: Fine, I’ll humour you for a second

Buster: What else do you want if not a reaction?

Rio: What more could I possibly want than to annoy you 

Rio: that’s what you want to pretend this is, go for it

Buster: You tell me

Buster: I’m offering you the chance to

Rio: Alright

Rio: you have to join in [the family tradition he mentioned mockingly earlier]

Buster: Because?

Rio: Because it’ll make me happy to see you suffer a little

Buster: I won’t, I thrive in the face of adversity, festive themed or otherwise

Rio: Maybe your poker face isn’t all you think it to be, boy

Buster: You’ve never beat me

Rio: Selective memory much

Rio: I’ve beat you plenty of times

Buster: Genetic advantage, my mum has a stack of chips where her heart would be, so the story goes, in everyone’s living memory

Rio: The stories are just that though

Buster: I learnt from the best, that’s fact

Rio: I’m not disputing that

Buster: You tried and failed to

Rio: No, genius, my point is that the family folklore can say about anything we want, it’s that sprawling

Buster: No, yours was that you’ve won before, which you haven’t

Rio: I’m not arguing with a loser

Buster: Arguing with yourself wouldn’t make you as happy

Rio: Yeah, I’m elated right now

Buster: You’re distracted, it’s what you came to me for

Rio: Is that what you do?

Buster: To you

Rio: Or for

Buster: The least I can now you aren’t crying

Rio: You’re a little too old to try to use that one for an insult

Buster: If I was insulting you, I could think of better

Rio: Good

Rio: that and pulling my hair belongs back with the Santa lie

Buster: Shame, but yeah, there’s too much of it to be anything but the easiest target

Rio: Have to try harder

Buster: Fight fairer, or I’d get banned from the boxing gym for being a bad sport

Rio: You know the rules better than that

Buster: I make my own rules, you know that

Rio: I learnt that from the best

Buster: Me too

Rio: There’s some traits not to run from

Buster: Plenty

Rio: You don’t stay away completely

Rio: and you could, wouldn’t be the first

Buster: You heard me say my parents earnt my love and respect

Buster: and about Ava, we’re a family

Rio: Of course you are

Buster: Even Nance

Rio: Yeah

Buster: They don’t stay away completely, I’m not going to, black and white again

Rio: It’s their decision until it’s yours, I get it

Buster: I trust their decision making, it’s been sound

Rio: Not steered wrong

Buster: They get the balance right

Rio: Works for them, why not you

Buster: Exactly, what isn’t broke doesn’t need fixing

Rio: I never said anything about your family

Buster: Your manners prevent you

Buster: but there wouldn’t be a lot to say

Rio: Why would I stoop to that level

Rio: I get it constantly, from worse-intentioned people than you

Buster: Swap you my neighbours for a few days, give you a taste of what we get as well, why not?

Rio: I’m aware that you’ve happily assimilated, that’s what you’ve told me

Buster: You can’t fully with posh cunts

Rio: Still Irish

Buster: Less bullshit titles means they still think you’re poor scum compared to them, even when you have more assets and a steady non inherited income

Rio: Earning it isn’t like being born with it

Rio: and it’s crass to talk about it

Rio: I’ve read plenty of other books, I know the sort

Buster: With a silver spoon in your mouth in a manor house that’s falling down or it doesn’t equal shit, naturally

Rio: Someone will accept you, despite your dreadful background and it’ll all be very romantic, if said books are to be believed 

Buster: I don’t need their acceptance, only Nance cares

Rio: You don’t do you

Rio: saving yourself a lot of hassle, that’s for certain

Buster: They’ll come to me expecting to be saved from hassle when I’m qualified

Rio: Connections and cash

Buster: Both’ll talk for me

Rio: I get it, you know

Buster: You always did, ever since I said I wanted to be a lawyer at [whatever age, because it’s giving a kid when other peeps would lol or lovingly mock him thinking he was gonna change his mind, because clearly he watched or read something]

Rio: You can have it

Rio: whatever you put your mind to, that’s just fact too

Buster: [however many years] until Harvard, then you can have me out of your way 

Rio: Yeah, I really believe there was the slightest consideration for me in that decision

Buster: You wouldn’t believe I was being honest if I told you there was

Rio: I think we both lost count of who’s turn it was a while ago

Buster: It was the furthest I could imagine going when I was [whatever age]

Rio: Away from me

Buster: People start new lives in America, that’s the film cliche

Rio: You can take day trips to New York

Buster: Perhaps I’ll set up my law firm there, everyone would love visiting even dad

Rio: I can see it

Buster: Yeah, I can too

Rio: Keep counting down the days

Buster: I am

Buster: [tell her how many because you’ve worked it out because you seriously think if you get far away enough from her and throw yourself into your future career goals everything will be fine]

Rio: You’re cute

Buster: Don’t

Rio: I’m not taking the piss, it’s sweet, that’s all

Buster: It’s patronising to call my future plans sweet

Rio: Alright, sorry

Buster: Congrats on finally touching a nerve though

Rio: I told you I wasn’t interested

Buster: You know it isn’t a pipe dream, that I’m absolutely serious

Rio: I said so

Rio: It’s what you want so you’ll make it happen

Buster: I should go do my homework instead of letting you distract me

Rio: Guess that’s what a future New York lawyer would do, yeah

Buster: [send her the schedule deets via a screenshot of this fam calendar or whatever of what time y’all’s flight is etc for christmas and what you’re doing when as it’s currently written like there you go so you can properly avoid me]

Rio: I’ll see you [at the parts of the schedule you expect to be at too]

Buster: Unavoidably

Rio: Don’t

Buster: It is, I would if I could

Rio: Why do you have to say it

Buster: Because

Rio: You can’t fob me off like that, I don’t have a dad, remember

Buster: Because I don’t want to see you at [the things he will]

Rio: Tough

Rio: and you’ll see me at [naming every event casually in a not at all petty manner] 

Rio: forever

Buster: No, I’ll only see you at marriages and funerals eventually, how other distant relatives who minimise having to be in the same room do

Rio: The flight is 6 and a half hours

Rio: the world isn’t as big as you thought

Buster: It’s as big as I decide to make it, my rules

Rio: You said you trusted your parents' judgment

Buster: I remember what I said

Rio: I can’t believe your big plan includes becoming a deadbeat who doesn’t give a fuck about any of us

Buster: You’re none of my business, I’m not responsible for any of you 

Rio: Yes I am, we’re blood

Rio: doesn’t that mean anything to you?

Buster: You’re blood related to half of Dublin thanks to Caleb, where are they in your big plans?

Rio: I have reached out to them actually

Rio: which you’d know if you still knew me

Buster: But I don’t, we’re practically strangers, why would I give a fuck?

Rio: Have it your way, we’re strangers

Buster: There are just too many of you to differentiate between and keep track of, face facts, it’s like a zoo outing

Rio: You’re a cunt, you’re not blind

Buster: Neither are you, there’s nothing in it for me

Rio: Enjoy yet another self-fulfilling prophecy 

Buster: Enjoy [another christmas activity he’s mocking because y’all were getting along for a sec there and he can’t have that so gotta be a massive twat]

Rio: Difference is I will and you’ll be sulking

Buster: I wouldn’t brag about being so easily pleased, is another difference

Rio: Not when you could brag about so much else

Buster: The luxury of being spoilt for choice

Rio: Got to convince yourself you’re making the right one somehow

Buster: I’ve got to make the right one for me, no-one else

Rio: See, you are just like your sister

Buster: She isn’t as stupid as her teachers are convinced she is

Rio: No one talks about her intelligence because it’ll always pale in comparison to her selfishness

Buster: She learnt from the best herself, following their example

Rio: Neither of you would be here if that were true

Buster: Our parents do exactly what they want

Buster: we’re here because of how true that is, they’re together for that very reason

Rio: Your dad doesn’t do anything that isn’t entirely about your mum, his whole job is testament 

Rio: and the selfish thing to do would be get rid of the babies you don’t need at 19

Buster: Resist the urge to saint them in order to really labour your point

Buster: everyone’s aware of the amount of ego involved in having kids

Rio: People who don’t have kids say that

Buster: They showed nan up by doing a better job

Rio: Yeah?

Rio: and you think that made them feel better or nan any worse than the real fuck yous in her life, get real

Buster: We’re talking about their reasons for keeping us and what they were motivated by, that’s all

Rio: You don’t think it was because they loved you?

Buster: I’m not claiming they didn’t, or don’t

Rio: There’s no other reason to keep a child

Buster: Me and my sister have no such ties to you and your siblings, to bring us back to what we were originally talking about

Rio: And I’ve told you it’s blood

Buster: Focus on yourselves

Rio: No shit Sherlock, we’ve got empathy and compassion to go around, it’s not in limited supply

Buster: Nevertheless, a ball’s been dropped somewhere or you’d know where your little brother is

Rio: He’s been kidnapped by his dad, are you for real trying to use that because you’ve decided its in your best interest to be a selfish arsehole?

Buster: I’m not trying to use anything, you are

Buster: to try and force me to feel guilt over something I don’t

Rio: Your lacking is your problem now

Rio: this is pointless

Buster: Good

Buster: well done for finally getting my super clear message

Rio: I understood what you were doing, well done for eventually succeeding with it

Buster: I will, whatever I put my mind to, remember

Rio: Waste your time however you please too

Buster: Time spent getting you up to speed isn’t wasted

Rio: You’re not my concern now

Buster: Now we’re on the same page you aren’t mine either

Rio: You must be so happy

Buster: It isn’t your concern

Rio: Apologies for not being a psychopath

Buster: You’re obviously not going to for continuing to diagnose me

Rio: Actions say all they need to

Buster: [don’t reply and block her etc as an action like yep they do]

[alyjojo]

September 🏋🏽‍♂️ 2024 Monthly - Capricorn

Preshuffle: Something you do is coming off as impulsive, heated, passionate, or blunt - and something about the delivery or details causes this to be rejected because it hurts someone - 9 Wands. Someone has their guard up, or you do and you’re dealing with someone like this.

Meditation: You were staring at clouds that were turning into shapes, first a cross ✝️, then a rabbit 🐰, then a cloud ☁️ which is ironic and painful because you stayed a cloud forever and I was like 😑 by the time it finally changed…into a gun, that shot me in the head…with a blueberry 🫐 Nothing was a coincidence. Idk what that even means.

Main energy: The Lovers

What’s going on in September:

5 Pentacles, The Devil rev, 2 Pentacles, 10 Pentacles, 9 Wands

The vibe coming off of this initially is one where you could be seeing someone new and purposely trying to keep them away from your family, or vice versa, because you don’t know what they’re going to say/think/do about it. You’re afraid of that, cautious for some reason. Could be work too, especially if you have a dangerous profession, like a cop 👮‍♂️ I see all of these people loving you, and you at the bottom with The Hermit…protecting them? Or yourself, maybe your romantic person - you know they won’t like your person, so you avoid them, there could be big differences in culture/ethnicity/values. Ethnicity doesn’t usually stand out to me but I’m seeing one brown boy in a sea of white people here and it’s being shown as *obvious*, whatever differences exist between you. This could also be a literal lover and you’re leaving a family dynamic. Some actually have lovers, some did and quit, some just consider it and opt out - but in any case it’s being shown to you as a case of emotional manipulation involved - you’re aware, no matter what side of this you’re on.

I do see you gaining the necessary perspectives on a painful situation and acting appropriately. It could be an addiction of sorts too, there could be intervention energy here with all of these people - that do care ❤️ If this Devil energy has been finances & debt then that’s what family is coming around to help with - or that’s what you’re going back and forth on, whether to ask for help. What will they say? There seems to be a history with them and you where they see you as a Knight of Wands that impulsively does shit that irritates them, maybe signing contracts you can’t afford or rushing into things before thinking - for the fun of it or it sounded good at the time. You don’t want to hear it, don’t want to upset anyone, and are deeply hurt by anyone perceiving you as someone who IS non-committal, not serious, not responsible. But your actions (or another’s) will probably give that exact impression - that’s what it is, whatever this is. You’re a smart cookie 🍪 It’s the pride of it all. You don’t want to admit where you *are* this Knight of Wands (or that’s someone else).

Some of you could be using surveillance or something around the home, maybe people think you’re losing it. To them it’s manipulation and they’re looking at you like 👀 but to you it’s protection and making sure others are safe. Some have a situation with a lover that ended or the worst was avoided, but your person still won’t talk to you and looks at you like the villain - could also be switched, but you’re still in contact and it’s not over with…not in Sept.

Advice: Queen of Cups & The Sun

Can’t get better than that. If there’s a Cancer, water sign, the nurturer in the family - could be Mom or a sister - they’re the ones to talk to. This could also simply be showing your own emotions in a loving way. Or if this is someone else, the energy is loving, wholesome & genuine, you can’t get happier cards in the whole deck, and 10 Cups is here. Whatever happened that’s painful, stressful, a struggle - looks like it’s done or it will be. Could just be saying to be loving, supportive, and “focus on happiness” if these are other people or family drama that doesn’t even involve you. If the issues are yours, speak up so people can show you love - or show your own feelings of love, compassion, care 🙃 With Abundance (twice!), whether it’s love or family, you definitely have (or will have) a lot of support where it counts. If there are a lack of actual parents I’m seeing them be filled or replaced with in-laws or friendships, “found family” for some of you.

Signs you may be dealing with:

Capricorn, Taurus, Pisces, Cancer, Gemini & Sagittarius

Oracle: ✨

13 Abundance 💰

Abundance takes on many forms: material possessions, friendships, excellent health, emotional stability, unique experiences…

When you lock yourself into a narrow view on what defines abundance, you lose out on the whole picture of what it *could* mean. Open yourself up to as many forms of wealth and abundance that are possible and watch your blessings multiply. Always remember that focusing on what you do not have is a sure-fire way to feed the energy and make that your truth. Every day watch for signs of abundance from the universe - acknowledge and be thankful, thus encouraging the continued flow of energy. Remember the universe will always provide you with what you need.

Magic Opportunity 🪄

Embrace the unexpected; seize the chance for transformation.

Open to Receive 🤲

Invite abundance with open arms; embrace the blessings waiting to flow into your life.

We enter into September as:

Sky Blue 💎

“You’ll see it when you believe it.” - Wayne Dyer

Seeking wise council is vital when you are pushing into new territory that may be overwhelming. Choose wisely though; if you choose someone too critical of your dreams, it could be a hinderance. When we are close to the proper decision, often we teeter on the brink and simply give up for fear of being embarrassed. Do not use another person’s negativity as an excuse to hold yourself back. If you pick someone who you know will not support you, do not blame them for your shortcoming. When you believe something is possible, everything and everyone you need to manifest your desires will materialize. We can only create what we can envision. It is time for you to imagine what you wish to create, for you will only see it, when you believe it!

What is to be learned in September:

Blue November 🕊

“ A window is opened as a door gently closes.”

The passing of things in our lives is inevitable. Jobs, people, friendships, or relationships. This card is a message that whatever is going on requires a release on your part. There is no healthy escape from your own feelings. This card is a reminder that what is taken away is replaced with something else, in some form, eventually. You may not even be aware of the loss, but others around you are feeling it, in some cases. This could represent some unexpected news. You must be grateful for what you have. A coming celebration will pull you through whatever is coming. Do not be afraid that you are avoiding your feelings by celebrating. Your feelings will surface, and resurface, when they’re supposed to. Whatever is pending that you must face will not be as frightening as it is in your mind.

Blue may be a lucky color 💙

[zendyval]

I get the message behind blocking celebrities who haven’t spoken out. I think it’s an attempt to start hurting their pockets by limiting their exposure. However, I do think people need to engage in a bit more critical thinking on who they block and why. Gigi Hadid, in my opinion, deserves no hate. She’s been talking about Palestine from the beginning, and like you said, the Israeli government literally went after her. I can’t imagine how scary that is, especially with her being Palestinian and having a daughter to protect. They’re going after the wrong people.

I do have mixed feelings about Z, though. She has somehow become the face of this, and it’s probably due to her popularity. Zendaya has posted about Gaza before this most current war. But she hasn’t talked about it since then. Correct me if I’m wrong. It may be her anxiety or she may not feel like it’s her place. She seems to only talk about issues in regards to black people. I think she could carry a lot of weight by just reposting someone’s story, but she doesn’t. Do I think that means people should block her? That’s up to the individual. But I don’t think she’s the kind of person who is just ignoring these things for the sake of keeping her “wealth.”

I think there’s just a desperation in the air. Horrible things are happening, and people just want to blame any and everyone who doesn’t seem to be helping or at least speaking out. Some of it’s fair criticism, others seem to be critically online takes about people they know nothing about.

I want to be clear I'm not against anyone who is supporting Palestine and raising funds and awareness and trying to help. I think most of the intentions are good and kudos to people doing the work.

Also none of this is about me defending Z. I do understand why even though I think she's fairly clearly not a Zionist or anything, people want her to speak because she is a celebrity who does have more money and resources than honestly many people are calling out. While I think people are extremely misguided about how much money many celebs have in many cases which was on display in terms of thinking celebs pay for their tickets and gowns to the gala, Z is a rare case of someone who could afford to do that.

I just watched a tiktok from someone with organizing experience and I agreed with a lot of what they said. Also mixed with thoughts from a few other tiktoks I agreed with. What is happening is now we are getting tiktoks and tweets solely with block lists, with no reasons why and no other information on Palestine, and what is happening is in trying to decenter celebrities, you are just winding up centering them.

Then to the organizers point, if you issue a block list of 300 celebrities, who has time to sit there and block 300 celebrities. If you want to focus on celebs that it should be a more centered approach of one a day and you give a clear reasons why and what the response you are hoping to achieve is. So if the person does wind up saying something, what are you trying to get them to do? Because I think what it happening with some is that sitting there blocking 300 celebs makes people feel like they are doing something? But most people don't have the time to do that and/or you could be doing something else with that time.

Also to the organizers point is you have to figure out what your response is going be if the celebrity does speak up or then starts fundraising. Because what also happens is they pressure a person--let's use Hank Green or Lizzo, since those were two real examples. They speak up and maybe start raising money and you don't need to thank them or give them applause or even unblock them, but it sort of then comes a continued purity response of well you spoke up too late and It's not genuine and people just mocking them in the comments. But isn't the focus supposed to be raising awareness and money? And also if X influencer and celeb over here sees the negative response that Hank Green got when they spoke up, then they are likely not going to subject themselves to the same. I think to this organizers point, lot of it is behavioral psychology.

Plus like to that point, if a celeb is shamed to speak and does, okay...but sometimes people do show up late to the party and people have been fighting for Palestine for decades. This is not something that just started in October, so haven't most people in that sense showed up late to the party?

Then it also, like with Gigi, becomes a slippery slope of people who are pro Palestine and have done things but its still not good enough for some people who just want to hold moral superiority.

Or it becomes a "has so and so celeb said anything yet" because people also want to feel validated if they can keep stanning their celeb.

None of this is support celebrities and poor celebrities, boo hoo. But I think we wind up on this slippery slope of performative activism and we have been through this before.

[thejenhardy]

Time for a Change! Disrupting the Housing Market with the CEU – Chief Executive Unicorn

Hey there fabulous over fifty listeners! 

We have a treat for you today that may have you considering a change in career paths, or a complete industry overhaul! Today we had Mike Kaeding, CEO of Norhart, on the show talking about how he’s disrupting the housing industry. Why do I call Mike a CEU - Chief Executive Unicorn? Because he is truly one of a kind! From the way he does business to the fact that he has a unicorn YouTube channel with his daughter (SEE HERE or below) this guy is an amazing person!

Let me tell you, if construction is the industry you’ve been looking for, then Norhart seems like the place to be.The company’s core values are all about being genuine humans and treating each other with respect. Honestly, it sounds like a dream come true compared to some of the horror stories we’ve heard about the construction industry. (After hiring several contractors, I can personally attest to that!) I mean, we’ve all seen HGTV, right? People just yelling and arguing all the time. What a nightmare. But Norhart is different, they don’t tolerate disrespect. 

One of the coolest things that Mike talks about is how Norhart is working on disrupting the housing industry with a unique approach to affordable housing. And they aren’t just talking the talk, they have goals to have 60,000 units per year! That’s a lot of homes coming out of one "factory." As if that wasn’t impressive enough, Norhart expects to do it all while keeping rental rates affordable, offering investors high returns, and giving back to the community. Talk about a company with a social conscience. But honestly, the most exciting thing about Mike and his team is that they’re trying things that just haven’t been done before. Like an assembly line for apartment buildings. What?!?

That's why he's here. Just because you don't know how something has been done, doesn't mean you can't do it. In fact - as Mike shows - you might just do it better than everyone else! But you won't know until you try. What is it you want to do? Send me a message & let me know!

They’re pioneering the idea of a housing factory, and I’m not gonna lie, that sounds like something straight out of Willy Wonka’s Chocolate Factory. Just imagine singing Oompa Loompas and a river of molten housing material! Overall, Norhart is clearly a great company to work for and invest in. If you’re looking to make a positive impact, need affordable housing, or just want to check out a YouTube channel about unicorns, they have something for everyone! And Mike, if you’re listening, we’d love to have your family on the show to talk about the spicy food challenge. That sounds amazing! 

Stay fabulous, and we’ll catch you on the next episode!

  Thank you for joining me today!

I'm having a blast creating Fabulous Over 50 & it would be an honor to have you share it with someone who would enjoy it. Thank you!

Want more? Go to the website and you'll find many ways to live your best life over 50!

I'd love to hear what you think about this episode, and what you'd like to hear about in the future. Send me a message HERE.

Have a blessed week,

Jen

  You can find Mike Kaeding:

www.norhart.com

https://www.linkedin.com/in/mikekaeding/

https://www.linkedin.com/company/norhart

https://twitter.com/mikekaedinghttps://twitter.com/Norhart

https://www.instagram.com/norhartlife/

https://www.norhart.com/invest/

https://www.youtube.com/@fearlesslyunicorn/featured

  Want to connect? You can find me in the following places:

JenHardy.net

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  Check out this episode!