#and based on previous experiences doing things I did not feel comfortable doing that would only make it worse bc

[boneless-mika]

John Green certainly hurt my feelings when on Dear Hank and John there was a question about fear of worms which I happen to have a very intense fear of worms (and also snails) and the question was about being ridiculed by your peers and dismissed by adults and his advice was to get exposure therapy. Like just get another adult to tell you your fear doesn’t matter and is a problem to everyone else and you’ll be cured

[strwberrytae]

Beyond Desire | 05

→ pairing: taehyung x reader → rating: 18+ only - m for mature - sexual and graphic content → genre: drama / romance → words: 9.9k → disclaimer/trigger warning: this is a piece of fiction based off of the fifty shades of grey series. this is not a parody. there are mentions of strong dominant and submissive lifestyles based on research and personal experience. there are also various psychological issues that are addressed throughout the series; including anxiety, self-destruction, blood, bruises, panic attacks, childhood abuse, non-consensual sexual acts and self-harm. this is a work of fiction and not to be taken as a promotion of the series, fifty shades of grey. this is an original piece of work. edit is created by me. enjoy! feedback is greatly appreciated.

→ a/n: thank you everyone for their patience! so much! I started this series years ago with the intent to continue it. life and lack of motivation got in the way, but it's made it's way back into fruition! this was frantically edited multiple times, though there still may be some errors. I hope you enjoy!

→ chapters: 01 | 02 | 03 | 04 | 05 | 06 [series in progress - must read previous chapters]

→ summary: it’s never easy falling for your best friend when you have so much history. it’s especially difficult when you both share the same sexual desires and lifestyle. taehyung is a dominant CEO of a well known company in Seoul and you are an up and coming editor. while both of you come from a troubled and dark past, you lean on each other for support and comfort. what happens as your feelings blossom and grow over the years? what happens when you fear Taehyung may be falling in love with someone else? will you confess your feelings or remain in the shadows?

The next morning, Joon Jae awoke at 6am as you realized he did every morning for work. You laid in his bed, so tired but awake. Your restless mind forbade you to sleep peacefully throughout the night. It was unclear how you felt, truly. Such an interesting feeling. 

All you knew is that you were stuck with the familiar dread of emptiness that you had experienced many times before. It felt as if you became a vessel overnight yet again whenever you've done this; letting men completely take over and dominate you in ways against your wishes as if it's perfectly normal. Not to say that’s what the BDSM lifestyle entails. In the past, you’ve had a bad run of Doms who didn’t truly grasp the concept of consent. Men who think they're dominant, on the contrary, they're just abusers. Looks like Joon Jae is just another one. The only thing to do now is play along until you figure out how to escape this - safely.

Joon Jae emerged from the bathroom, rubbing his damp, onyx hair with a towel and a satisfied smile on his face. 

“Morning gorgeous,” he greeted with his award winning smile. The term of endearment felt everything but. The word curdling in your ears. Turning over to face him, you put on a face as well as you always could; as if you hadn’t been utterly violated by this man the night before. 

“Good morning, sir,” you purred sleepily. The bitterness coated your tongue as the words came out. Whether or  not he caught on was not clear - most of them didn’t. As Joon Jae walked over to his black wooden dresser, you continued to lay on your side. Something caught your interest in the corner of your eye. Your gaze fell to your wrists. The handcuffs.

Upon your wrists were bruises from last night; a deep red color fresh in hue. It would certainly darken to purple throughout the day. You began to nibble on your bottom lip as you nervously checked under the blankets for more markings. Peppered on your hips remained fingerprints. They were not markings you were proud of - not like this. Bruises from the right person made you feel empowered, cherished. This was abuse of power - hatred. Your loathing for them grew rapidly; even though they've only just became a part of you.

“Why are you so quiet? Did I wear you out that much?” Nonchalantly, you place the cover back down as if you were only fixing it. Turning your head to face Joon Jae, he pulled on his boxers with an idiotic smirk on his face. His form was still beautiful, yet you were so disgusted by him now. Your eyes couldn’t help but to wander over his body; inspecting him. There was nothing - not a bruise or scratch. Here you lay in his bed completely marked and emotionally wounded by him and he gets to go to work without having to hide a single thing. Typical.

Letting out a big sigh, you sat up in the bed; making sure to cover your body with his gray silk sheets. Ever so slowly do you run your fingers through your hair and gracefully lick your lips to look as innocently seductive as possible. It was time to put on a show, and you were used to this performance. A sly smirk stretched on your face as your eyes became softer. After all, you still have some dignity left. That is something he can’t rob from you.

“And here I thought a little mystery to a woman was appealing. Does my silence bother you, sir?” Your voice slithered with seduction; hoping your little innuendo granted you his kindness with your performance. Joon Jae was a man after all, and you knew how to handle his type - call him Sir, Master. Obey, say please, submit. No matter what, or else. This was a man that got off feeling like he was the greatest thing on this Earth. A man who loved knowing that his submissive was actually afraid of him, displeasing him. To you? He’s the most disgusting person you have ever met. 

The dark haired man sauntered over to you, grabbing hold of your chin with his index finger and thumb. A soft yet firm gesture to make you look up at him without protest, yet it felt so putrid.

“Was that sarcasm in your voice that you heard,” he questioned in a quiet tone. And there it is. His lips were barely moving as he spoke; an indication telling you that he didn’t find your comment too cute after all. You subdued your flirtatious attitude and retreated back to what you knew best - submission.

“No sir,” you whispered in a soft voice. He hesitated before letting you go. After a moment of cringing silence, a smile appeared on his face as if he was just messing with you. Using fear to make you submit, and then flipping a switch - how sadistic.

“Good girl. Get up and get dressed. I’ll drop you off at work.” Fighting back every morsel inside of you, you swallowed your pride to obey. You need to come up with a plan when you’re in a safer place. As such, you responded as you always do, following his instructions with a charming smile on your face. 

Just as you suspected, the extra dress you brought with you came in handy as you anticipated staying the night. Your naked reflection in the mirror sent chills down your spine. Bruises peppered your skin with revulsion brewing inside of you . There were bags under your eyes as lack of sleep dragged them down. To put it mildly, you looked like hell. No matter how many times you've seen this sight from past failed relationships, the pain you felt in your heart still aches at the same intensity. You’re yearning for love grows more desperate. For real love.

A week’s time flew by as an absolute blur. To say you had quarantined yourself was an understatement - scared to face the world in your vulnerable state. You had completely submerged yourself into full submissive mode. It was all you could do to survive. The fear of what Joon Jae would do to you had clouded your mind as your dark thoughts took over. No matter how hard you tried to think of ways to part ways with him without retaliation, it was useless. There was a desperation coursing through you to reach out to Taehyung. No, you couldn’t. He would drop everything to aid you - fix the problem. It would be a burden. Instead, you carried on with your week as usual. 

Dealing with Taehyung was easy. Whenever he asked to see you for lunch, you were busy in meetings. Important meetings with clients were underway thanks to Jisoo making you as booked as possible per your request. Taehyung knows how dedicated you are to your work, and he has all eyes on any projects you’re working on. Nothing out of the ordinary for the new Commissioning Editor, right?

In all honesty, you were legitimately busy besides the tedious work you’ve added to your pile. Your contract with GQ Korea Magazine, Joon Jae’s magazine, was reaching its end which means long hours, lots of editing, and lots of problem solving. You promised them that by the end of the month, you would increase their profits via online and social media by forty percent. Your coworkers told you that it was too risky to promise such a big turnaround, yet that didn’t sway you. 

Typically, Kim Publishing worked with writers of novels, short stories, and more of the like. Occasionally, they worked with other companies that seeked better publication and production of their materials - online revenue. Working on this project ensured that while you were trying to remain distant from the world, you could see Joon Jae throughout the days without being entirely alone. Safe.

When he demanded your presence at night, you showed up at his apartment and gave him anything he wanted. Joon Jae did not hold back his passion for pain in forms of pleasure when you were together, but you had finally voiced for him to be cautious with marking you too much. Taehyung’s father’s charity ball was approaching, so requesting to avoid bruising wasn’t exactly unheard of. Unfortunately, that didn’t stop him from putting bruises in places he knew no one could see. 

As time progressed, you found yourself reaching a breaking point. Typically, you loved seeing marks tattooed on your body as a reminder of your nights of lust and dominance over you - but not with him. Every time you saw your Dom, you felt like you were going to be sick. Faking orgasms was getting harder each day. Although, as Joon Jae was a purely self-absorbed man, he didn’t really notice. 

At last, it was the day before the ball. Arrangements were made to leave work early so you could go home, and practice your song one last time before you had to perform it at the charity ball. You just wish you had the energy to be remotely excited about it. This was supposed to be your night to release your true feelings through the sound of music towards Taehyung. Although, here you were, in a relationship you couldn’t get out of. You're almost positive that Taehyung’s relationship with Yuri has only blossomed wildly this past week. Naturally.

When you arrived at your apartment, it was shortly after noon. Any other day, you would have grabbed lunch by now, but you've completely lost your appetite. It’s been like this all week. You've been surviving on ramyeon and espresso coffees all the while. Luckily, Joon Jae was going to be out of town today for an event, and wouldn’t be back until the ball tomorrow. You were relieved to finally have a whole day to yourself without twitching at the thought of him arriving at your doorstep any minute or ringing your phone. 

Once inside your apartment, it felt warm from the sun beaming inside of it. Perks of having a home with large windows in place of exterior walls. For once, you felt like you could breathe as you closed the door, greeted with silence. Your feet dragged you to the bedroom as you dropped your contents one-by-one on any surface you passed by on your way. Walking in a zombie-like state as your body starts to feel like putty, your body relaxes with each step. A hot bath would be absolute heaven right now; perhaps a glass of wine too. 

As you take off your cardigan, you hear something shift behind you. You turn around, gasping from shock before easing into instant relief and butterflies. It was your best friend standing there so casually.

“Jesus, Taehyung. You have to stop doing that. You almost gave me a heart attack. Honestly.” You clutch your chest with your hand over your rapidly beating heart. Although who knows if it’s because he scared you, or if this is just how your heart always beats around him. Likely the latter. 

Taehyung stood there, examining you. He didn’t say a word, but instead walked up to you blatantly looking you over you with a fiery gaze. And yet, in the same gaze seemed to be softness with concern. You had to subdue the inappropriate thoughts that instantly came to your mind. With a sense of security, and belonging that was not earned, your submissive side called out to his dominant side as he towered over you. He reached to cup your face, but you flinched ever so slightly by accident. This caused him to worry; melting to a sheepish stance. 

Taehyung’s touch had never bothered you before. He knew it was always platonically welcomed by you. At this moment, a look of hurt appeared on his face. With caution, Taehyung slowly proceeded to cup your face again, gently turning your head side to side as he looked you over. It was no secret that he was truly concerned about you. 

Out of shame, you couldn’t dare look him in the eyes as fear began to fill you; fear that he would see right through you. Taehyung released you, standing before you with a softer demeanor yet he still held a dominant presence. His aura made you want to run into his arms, but you refrained.

“Y/N, how long has this been going on,” he inquired in a low, calm tone. You pulled your oversized cardigan back over your shoulders to bring you extra comfort; suddenly feeling cold and uncomfortable. Just as your anxiety crept in, you noticed that Taehyung seemed fidgety in the slightest. He tried his best to hide it, but you can see his hands twitching inside his pockets.

“What do you mean,” you asked quietly as an attempt to hide your little secret. Swiftly, you move away from him to head towards the kitchen for the glass of wine that you desperately need right now. You could easily sense that Taehyung wanted nothing more but to stop you in your tracks. He suppressed the urge to interject as it wasn’t his place. His arm stopped abruptly as he removed his hand from his pocket, re-routing to “adjust” the hem of his shirt. He followed you to the kitchen casually. 

As you grabbed a bottle of merlot, pouring a reasonable amount for yourself, you took a deep breath. Following suit, you poured another for Taehyung as you know he would desire to join you. The first sip didn’t calm your nerves as much as you would have liked but the second one helped a little more. Taehyung took a respectful sip from the glass and maintained eye contact with you. His stare burns into your skin as you become flush with heat.

“Y/N. Answer the question,” he said in a firm voice. This time you looked up at him immediately without hesitation. Your submissive instincts take over as easily as they always do around him. Taehyung wasn’t dressed for work. Casual attire in loose jeans and black t-shirt; something that always looked good on him. You sighed softly as you realized just how much you missed him this past week. 

You’ve barely spoken, and you skipped out on your weekly therapy appointment with Yoongi. That’s probably why he was here. Therapists are supposed to keep client confidentiality unless you’re Kim Taehyung who seems to always get what he wants. It was ridiculously infuriating sometimes. It’s not like Yoongi flat out tells Taehyung information but he’s really good at pointing him in the right direction. Why does he even bother? Knowing that the inevitable conversation was about to take place, you took your glass and went back to your room. Taehyung flattened his pillow-like lips, and made way to follow you yet again. For someone that had so little patience, he always seemed to be wildly patient with you. 

“I told you I was busy this week,” you retorted with a shrug as you took another sip of wine, “I didn’t even have time to meet with Yoongi. Once this contract with GQ is done, I’ll meet with him, okay? If that’s your worry. You don’t have to interrogate me. Now, if you don’t mind, I was planning on taking a bath. Why don’t we catch up tomorrow at the party?” Your defensiveness took over like a prey-worthy animal in a corner - oversharing when caught. 

There was desperation in your voice that you could not hide so easily. Taehyung couldn’t hold back,  and reached out to grab your arm. He pulled up one of your cardigan sleeves in a quick motion, revealing the bruised lining around your wrist. You panicked to pull the sleeve back down and dropped your glass of wine. The red liquid spilled on the wooden floor as glass shattered around your feet. In the face of a small scare, you had never been so grateful as to not have carpeting. Red wine stains are the worst.

“Shit,” you whispered. You rolled your eyes as you took a step to get towels - frustrated with yourself. Taehyung stopped you in mid-step. His touch and rapid motion do not trigger you. The air stills. In the face of his dominance, you feel safe. Safer than anything and anywhere else in the world. His warm touch makes your legs weak.

“I’ll take care of it,” he lets out a sigh with worry. You bite your bottom lip, and look down at the ground to avoid his beautiful eyes - gentle almonds filled with care.

“It’s happening again, isn’t it,” Taehyung asked with calmness in his voice, evident with disappointment but primarily worry. He let out a frustrated sigh. Knowing exactly where you keep your cleaning essentials, Taehyung grabs the items effortlessly. His focus truly never leaving you.

“Why didn’t you tell me, Y/N? You promised that you would tell me if someone was taking advantage of you again so I could help you. How can I help you if you shut me out? Don’t you care about yourself? This is...” And then it happened, you shut down. Taehyung stopped himself from proceeding forward as he realized his overreaction wasn’t making you feel any better. What you really needed right now was comfort, not a lecture. 

The atmosphere stilled with silence as you fell into submission. Speechless with no words clouding your mind, and too timid to look him in the eyes. Everything went blank. He was right. Leaving him out of this was doing more harm than good, and yet here you were shutting down instead of running to him. Honestly, you didn’t know how to pull yourself out of your head. It was suffocating. Taehyung knelt before you as you spiraled. A soft breath escaped his lips.

“I’m sorry, Taehyung,” was all you could manage to say. A bashful response as you felt that you had  disappointed him. Internally, the inner demons you harbored convinced you that he was angry with you and would leave your side. Your best friend tilted his head to try to look at you. A soft, tender gaze looking at you with the sweetest smile on his lips. He reached to brush the hair falling near your eyes. Tears prickled your eyes as you melted into his touch.

“No. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said those things. That’s not what you needed. I put my worry and needs before yours when you’re clearly not in the right state,” he let out a soft sigh with worry evident on his face. 

“What can I do to help you trust me?” He took your silence as an answer, and looked over your covered body. He took notice that you managed to cover every possible inch of you, even on a warm day. Words remained silent on your lips.

“How bad is it,” he continued kindly, “Please. Share your pain with me. Let me in.” Just like that, he unraveled you. Every wall came crashing down as the desperation in his voice made you yearn for him. Suddenly, the words flowed from you so easily; from your first date to the first time he punished you, to the hard limits he abused. 

“I was going to text you the first night it happened but...I was too scared. I submitted to him in more ways than I wanted to. I felt so pathetic,” you looked at him with tears in your eyes, “Please don’t be upset with me.” Taehyung’s nostrils were flaring. He was trying so hard to contain his anger towards the man that abused his power over you. After a couple of deep breaths, he stood up and held his hand out to you.

“Come on. I’ll draw you a bath. We’ll talk about this once you get some sleep. You look like you haven’t slept all week,” he said in a low, soothing voice. As much as you wanted to protest, the mention of sleep made your eyes heavier. Delicately, you took his hand and nodded. With his arm around your shoulder, he led you to your bathroom. He knew where everything was and drew you a lavender scented bath - your favorite. After grabbing a towel, he turned to leave but stopped.

“N/N...can I see them? The marks,” you froze in place as his question made your cheeks burn. The marks on your body ranged from your wrists to the back of your hips, and the round mounds behind you. The crimson hue to your skin reached your ears. Taehyung has seen you naked before but that was by accident. One shower incident, not knowing he was inside your home as you danced to the kitchen to grab a snack. One very embarrassing incident - and he laughed. 

You know it’s nothing sexual, yet it’s still inadvertently intimate. Even stripping down to your underwear, you’d be so exposed to him. Surprisingly, you considered showing him, to be seen by someone else and feel validated that these marks are just as putrid as you see them. This boundary… Is it appropriate to cross it? He is your best friend after all - the person you trust most.

“The marks? They’re in private places, Tae. I don’t think Yuri would like that very much.” Taehyung stiffened and for once, he seemed slightly embarrassed. Maybe it’s because he’s not used to having a girlfriend and didn’t think about that. He took a step closer and handed you the towel.

“Yuri doesn’t control me,” he said in a stern voice but then softened, “You’re my friend and I- I need to see them. I need to know.” There was sincerity in his eyes. It almost seemed as if he was scared. Is he punishing himself for what happened to you? You've only seen this side of him once before. 

You were in the hospital after a bad session with one of your past Doms. Taehyung was away on a business trip for a week and when he came back, you were asleep in the gurney with several bruises and a cut lip. He thought you were asleep, but you could hear his tears and his apology for leaving you; promising he would never let this happen again. On the outside, you looked like you would be fine but he knew you wouldn’t be - not mentally. Perhaps this would be proof to him that this was real yet again. With a soft nod, you slowly began to undress.

Out of respect, Taehyung kept his distance; taking a step back as you did so. First your cardigan, then your knee length dress that hugged your curves - leaving you in your bra and underwear. Surely that would be enough for him to see the bruises that peppered your body - now shades of yellow, green, and brown. His eyes started making their way across your skin. You bit your bottom lip, and watched his gaze. It gave you chills in a way of vulnerability but also, arousal. Thankfully your bra was padded, otherwise he would be able to see how much his eyes affected you. Your nipples were erect, and your underwear damp with need. 

Desperately you wanted him to touch you - hold you. You wanted to feel his hands caressing your body in ways it’s never felt before. Somehow you knew that his touch would heal you. It would make you feel no pain, only happiness. Something fierce turned in you, and it took every ounce of your being not to speak up. Taehyung did something that surprised you. His coffee-brown eyes seemed darker or maybe it was in your imagination. 

He took a cautious step closer to you. His eyes remained on your hips where the worst bruises rested. On each side, beneath the black fabric that hugged your hips, bruises in shapes of fingerprints - marks of Joon Jae’s nails that had pierced your skin. Your breath became shaky as he stood before you. It was like he was hypnotized by your marks, yet you couldn’t read what was churning in his mind. He extended his hands and slowly reached for your hips. His fingertips brushed over your skin. His eyes moved to yours to look for a sign, expecting you to wince from pain or hesitation of his touch. Little did he know that his touch relaxed you beyond compare. 

“S-see...it’s not that bad,” you whispered as you met his gentle gaze. Something shifted in his eyes as your eyes locked, something you've never seen before. You weren’t sure what it was. Yet, he just stood there - unwavering his eyes.

“Taehyung-”

“I should go. I have to take care of something before the ball. Thank you…for showing me,” he said softly. You nodded as he released his gentle hold on you, leaving you cold and in need of his touch again. 

“Min-hyuk will pick you up at 7 tomorrow night. I’ll be wearing a black mask. Come find me when you arrive, okay?” A lighthearted chuckle escaped you as he handed you the towel to cover yourself.

“A black mask in a sea of other masks? I don’t think that’ll be too hard.” He smiled back at your little joke, and left you alone in your bathroom. As soon as you heard the door closing faintly in the distance, you felt like you could breathe again. Your body was on fire as you could still feel his touch. It felt like electric waves coursed through your veins just in a few seconds. 

Turning to the warm bath that awaited you, the bath he drew for you, you sighed. When you discarded your bra, your nipples perked just as you knew they would. It was no surprise that when you eased your underwear down your legs, a string of arousal clung to them as your core remained swollen. As usual, the bliss of your own fingers, imagination, and a soothing bath will have to ease your ache for yet another night.

Not a single word out of Joon Jae today. It wasn’t unusual but since he was returning today from his trip, you figured you would have had a message from him with instructions for tonight. Although it’s not like you’re complaining. His silence is your saving grace.

As you sat in the back of Min-hyuk’s car, you watched the traffic as it rushed by. He looked in the rearview mirror to glance at you. Your mask wasn’t in place yet as there was no reason to hide your identity just yet. There was never a need for a divider between you as he was your friend as well.

“Miss Y/N,” he said from the front. Your gaze met his in the mirror and smiled in turn.

“Yes Min-hyuk?” Min-hyuk’s eyes flickered between you and the road to drive safely. He watched the road as he spoke.

“You look very beautiful tonight. I hope you smile a lot tonight. You deserve it, N/N.” His words made your heart skip a beat. Min-hyuk was like family to you. Almost like an uncle but more of a dear, old friend. He told you once that he hopes his daughter grows up to be like you, and that was the greatest compliment he could have given. Although, for both of their sake, you hope she becomes much better; stronger and wiser, just like her father. Min-hyuk stopped the car as he pulled into the Kim’s driveway. Grabbing your mask to put in place, you leaned forward to get closer to Min-hyuk. You gently placed your hand on his shoulder to kiss his cheek.

“I don’t know what I would do without you, Min-hyuk. Thank you.” He smiled back at you whilst trying to remain professional, he averted his gaze straight ahead. Various people in all colors and shapes cascading into the radiant home. So many elegant gowns with elaborate details to match the masquerade theme. A gentle thought crossed your mind and you couldn’t resist.

“Why don’t you go home? I can easily find a ride home. Besides, I’m sure your daughter would love to see you at a decent hour.” There was a sparkle of hope and admiration in his eyes that you couldn’t help but to adore. 

“Don’t worry. I’ll let Taehyung know I relieved you. I’ll take the scolding.” It was obvious that Min-hyuk tried masking his excitement but you could see right through it. With the slightest of smiles but the fullest heart, Min-hyuk got out of the car to open your door. You got out and stood by his tall, broad form.

“Thank you, ma’am,” he responded. Smiling at him, you squeezed his forearm gently.

“Have a good night, Min-hyuk.” With that, you sauntered off into the night to join the rest of the mysterious guests of Min-ho’s masquerade ball.

The Kim’s home, that had always been your safe haven, had transformed into a modern renaissance extravaganza. It was simply stunning. Hues of red and gold filled the room with chandeliers to add to the expensive tone. Jesters and performers of all kinds were scattered around the room to entertain guests as they walked by. From jugglers to a man swallowing a ball of fire as if it was water quenching his thirst. 

A smile appeared on your face in appreciation of how well the Kim’s always throw a party. It was over the top and yet they always spent more money than they pocketed in profit. It’s never about the money for such events, especially a charity event. This night is for underprivileged children in broken homes and drug addictions. A cause they have always been passionate about. It was admirable - and why you’re a part of their family today. 

Feeling confident as you glided into the mansion, you felt proud of your dress. You felt sexy. It was conservative yet not. The dress caught your eye ages ago, deciding to keep it for a special occasion. A golden dress with glimmering accents that made you feel radiant. Your bare skin peeking through the nude toned mesh material, from afar looking see-through in a teasing way. Sequins reflecting every light you pass under as if you were a walking piece of jewelry - not too tacky or gaudy. A delicate turtleneck with exposed shoulders to reveal your soft skin in contrast to the floor length gown. Caressing your hips and between your breasts was a sheer fabric that lightly exposed your skin, just enough to show you were not wearing a bra or underwear - not enough to give everyone a show. Fortunately, the material cupping your breasts was thick enough to hide the perk to your nipples as the dress was mildly stimulating. The ensemble you chose didn’t go unnoticed by the others at the party. People casually glanced your way, yet your head remained high as confidence coursed through you

A gold mask laid on your face well enough to hide your insecurities. It matched your dress in its sparkle and shine. There is just enough makeup for a natural, bronze look to pair evenly with your attire. With grace, you scanned the room as you walked through. The Kim’s decorated their home to look like a casino to allow people to gamble for a cause. People of all sorts spread throughout the home at blackjack tables, poker, craps, roulette, but also the dance floor. Smooth jazz played in the background as the live band and black tied man sang at the microphone. 

For the first time in a while, you felt unafraid and sure of yourself. At least until you saw something that made your confidence drop into the pit of your stomach. Taehyung entered the room with a silver dressed goddess on his arm - Yuri. She wore a silky dress that clung to her petite body. It was apparent that Taehyung bought it for her. It had his taste written all over it. Even you could tell that Yuri was a simple girl that didn’t like extravagant things. The dress suited her and you can’t deny that you don’t envy her for it. Although you love the dress you're in, a part of you wants to be in that dress instead - or perhaps, on Taehyung’s arm. Thankfully, Taehyung’s elegant mother approaches you, and gives you the distraction you desperately needed.

“Y/N! Oh my… You-,” she let out a sigh and smiled sweetly with tears in her eyes, “You look absolutely stunning, dear.” Sooyoung reaches you, immediately giving you a kiss on each cheek after a warm hug as she always does when she sees you. She looked stunning in her black dress. She always looked beautiful in such a warm way that made you feel nothing but comfort.

“Thank you, Sooyoung. You look beautiful beyond words as always. The party seems like a success as I knew it would.” Sooyoung smile, humbly brushing off your compliment. Letting out a pleased sigh, she looked around and nodded.

“You’re too kind, dear. It turned out very well. I can’t say I’m not proud.” At that moment, Taehyung and Yuri turned towards you to meet Min-ho, his father, to exchange a few words. You tried your best not to acknowledge the situation. Fortunately, a waiter walked by with a tray of champagne. Quickly taking a stemmed glass, you downed it without a problem. Sooyoung smirked and took a sip from her own that she gathered as well.

“I’m sorry to hear about Joon Jae, although I’m sure you’re a little relieved,” she said as she lowered her glass. This caught your attention. You cocked your head slightly as you lowered your glass to hold elegantly in your hand.

“Joon Jae? What do you mean?”Sooyoung almost looked amused at your question.

“Why do you sound so surprised? It’s been all over the news all day - the arrest. Surely, you heard about it,” she waited a moment before continuing, “Embezzling thousands of dollars for years is bound to catch up with a person. I must say, I had a bad feeling about him. At least now you don’t have to part ways in an uncomfortable way. Assuming you would be parting ways, that is.” Embezzling money? What on earth is she talking about? You tried your best not to seem too surprised. Instead, you nodded to agree with her. Thankfully, a couple approached her to grasp her attention; giving you an opportunity to get away. 

Out of your small clutch purse, you pulled out your phone. Your instinct told you to just search on Naver for Joon Jae’s name to see what came up. To your surprise, his name appeared instantly in a headline - “Ahn Joon Jae Hordes Thousands from GQ Korea Magazine”. Within the first paragraph, it described his crime; stating he stole money from the company through false stocks and bonds. An anonymous tip warned the authorities yesterday afternoon and he was arrested the moment he landed back in Seoul from a business trip. Something about this raised an alarm inside of you. You looked up from your phone to find Taehyung. He was deep in conversation with another couple with Yuri clinging to his side. 

A part of you felt upset by this, yet another part felt touched. The ultimate fear inside of you of the consequences from this couldn’t help but to surface. There was no doubt it was Taehyung. The situation was too perfectly timed. He had to take care of something alright, you thought. Joon Jae was a powerful man. Could Taehyung’s power overshadow his or would this come back to haunt you? Your thoughts were interrupted by a man in a tuxedo in a black and silver mask. This man was Ki-young, Taehyung’s older brother.

“Can our girl dress to impress or what? N/N, you look freaking amazing,” the golden retriever said cheerfully. It was obvious from his ecstatic mannerisms that it was your unrelated brother. Right away, you could recognize his date from your previous dinner together. She wore an elegant blue dress that complimented her dyed blonde hair accompanied by a silver mask. Ki-young leaned forward to give you a kiss on the cheek and you reciprocated.

“You always know how to make a girl feel special. Hello Yoona. You look beautiful. I can see why Ki-young is so cheerful tonight.” The young woman blushed, and squeezed Ki-young’s arm as she held onto him.

“Thank you. I have to say this isn’t your everyday crowd, but it’s a lot of fun being here dressed like this. So many elites and chaebols are here,” she whispers excitedly, “But seriously, N/N. That dress is to die for. Your boyfriend must be a mess seeing you like this. Where is uh...Joon Jae, right?” Ki-young looked a little guilty towards you, or at least knowing of the situation. You simply smiled kindly.

“Joon Jae isn’t here tonight. I came alone. I couldn’t let this dress go to waste,” you teased lightly, “Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to speak with Min-ho for a moment. Have a good evening you two.” As much as you wanted your exit to seem nonchalant, Yoona looked at Ki-young with apologetic eyes. She could sense she unintentionally made you uncomfortable. He assured her that she did nothing wrong with a simple kiss to her temple.

Indeed, you did go to find Min-ho for further instructions on your performance tonight. You couldn’t face Taehyung; not yet at least. Besides, he was busy entertaining Yuri, so you didn’t want to interrupt them. In fact, the more you thought about it, knowing you were truly alone tonight, all you wanted to do was sing your song and make your exit. Going home, putting on some pajamas, and watching a chick flick with a big glass of wine sounded delightful - maybe a whole bottle. 

Min-ho was found standing with Sooyoung as they spoke to another lavish couple. As you approached them, you tried sneaking glances at Taehyung. Luckily, he never noticed. Your fictive kin  parents took notice of you as you approached them, and said their goodbyes to the couple they were speaking with.

“N/N, dear, you look stunning. I’m so glad you made it,” Min-ho said with delight. You leaned forward to give him a kiss on the cheek. He had such young features for a man his age; so comforting and bright. The Kim’s were truly a good looking family, even including Taehyung being adopted into the family. Their wealth and status never faltered their kindhearted nature. They always remained true and pure. You couldn’t have asked for a better family to stand by your side throughout your years.

“I wouldn’t miss it for the world,” you took another quick glance at Taehyung, whom you found on the dance floor with Yuri. Sooyoung took notice as she always does - as most mothers do.

“So, your performance. Are you well prepared?” Min-ho smirked as the instruments in the background came to an end. The guests clapped respectfully for the band. Butterflies tingled to your very core.

“It looks like it will be about right about now,” he remarked with a wink as he walked towards the stage. The intoxication of the champagne seemed to hit you like an IV tap - giving you enough courage to carry on. Sooyoung stepped closer to you and put her hand on your arm for comfort.

“Don’t be nervous, dear. It’s going to be beautiful,” Sooyoung reassured in her sweetest, motherly tone. With a sigh, you put your hand over hers before she let go.

“I’m...going to sing something different. Something with more meaning. I don’t think the world is ready for the mess I’ve been writing these days,” you joked with a nervous laugh. It was a decision you were perfectly happy with. Most of the songs you sang had a dark and somber meaning between the lines. This selection was specifically driven towards a more light yet still romantic setting. As you sat down each night to practice this song, something felt right. This song made your heart hurt in the most healing way - the old, jazz classic, Everytime We Say Goodbye.

“It is my pleasure to introduce a beautiful, young woman who has been nothing less than a daughter to me and my wife over the years. It turns out that she has wonderful talent, and now she’s going to share it with all of you. We’re delighted to witness such a gift. Ladies and gentlemen, Y/N L/N.” When you heard your name, your heart pounded in your chest. Your eyes on the microphone as you approached the small stage area.

It’s been so long since you've performed in front of people. Well, you had piano recitals in school, but you didn’t have to open your mouth to sing. Ever. This was new territory and surprisingly, you didn’t feel like you were going to throw up. Although, it did feel like your heart was beating in your throat. A part of you felt relief that Soo-young convinced you to stand outside of your comfort zone. It was especially invigorating as no one really knew you could sing. And now, the people closest to you and a room of elite strangers were about to see your vulnerability on display. 

The crowd lightly applauded as you took your graceful strides forward. When you got up to the stage, you were greeted with a sea of elegant men and women in extraordinary dresses and masks - a beautiful sight yet excruciatingly intimidating. Even though this was an upscale lifestyle you were used to seeing, you still didn’t feel as if you fit in. But now, with this song, you could escape to a world that was always your safe place. It should be a terrifying thought but the only set of eyes that make you weak in the knees are his.

The piano keys begin playing in the background in a harmonious fashion. Nervous fingers twitch at your side to the melody to follow along the rhythm. Instantly, as you close your eyes to take it all in, it takes you back to your childhood. When you and Taehyung were having your darkest of days. Playing jazz albums on the vinyl player he kept in his room, this song in particular - Every Time We Say Goodbye. Tonight, the beautiful melody was sung by you.

We love each other so deeply That I ask you this, sweetheart Why should we quarrel ever? Why can't we be enough clever,  never to part -

It wasn’t until you drew out the last note that you finally opened your eyes. Closing your eyes allowed you to feel the music and travel back to the time you held so near and dear to your heart. When you opened them, your focus was on the pair of brown eyes that always made your heart flutter. It took no time to find them as if your auras were calling out to each other. The melody remained slow as your voice led the flow of the chords. So tender and raw with a hint of deep love with each note that escaped your lips. A fabrato purred in your throat with each ending word naturally.

Every time we say goodbye, I die a little Every time we say goodbye, I wonder why a little Why the gods above me, who must be in the know - Think so little of me They allow you to go -

The song flowed in perfect harmony with your voice as people began slow dancing along. Eyes respectfully tried to remain on you as your presence was captivating in every way. In particular, Taehyung was watching. There was a soft smile on his lips. You couldn’t tell if he was surprised or in awe or just content to be near his beloved. Yuri said something to him that you couldn’t make out. He then turned his attention back to her. It was only for a moment and his gaze was back on you as they continued dancing with one another. 

When you're near, There's such an air of spring about it I can hear a lark somewhere begin to sing about it - There's no love song finer But how strange the change from major to minor Every time we say goodbye Every time we say goodbye -

The song came to an end with a big weight lifted off of your chest. The room cheered. In Particular, you took notice of Ki-young and Min-ji clapping and cheering louder than anyone else in the room - such supportive siblings. You couldn’t help but to smile with a tinted rose in your cheeks. Graciously, you curtsied to the crowd. Walking off the stage, the band began playing the next song to keep the mood for the party. You decided to go towards the dance floor to find everyone; well, Taehyung. Interrupting your search with eagerness, Ki-young, Yoona, and Min-ji walked up to you. Min-ji was the first to give you the biggest hug her petite body could handle.

“Y/N L/N! Oh my god! I didn’t know you could sing like that! Babe, you sounded like an angel!" As you hugged her back, you couldn’t help but to giggle. Her enthusiasm made you feel warm. Min-ji was always such a bright spirit and you loved her for it. 

“Thanks Min-ji. I’m sorry I didn’t greet you before going on. You look ravishing as always.” Min-ji gave you a look and then the same to Ki-young.

“Can you ever take a compliment without giving one back,” she asked with a laugh, “but thank you. You know how much I love a good party.”

“You love anything that involves you dressing up, Min,” Ki-young interrupted with a kind smile. Min-ji turned to him with a cheeky smile showing that he was right on the nose.

“You know me all too well, big brother.” At that moment, Taehyung arrived by your side and gently placed his hand on your lower back. An instant chill ran up your spine as you caught a glimpse of the coy smile he gave his siblings; his scent filling your nose. Smoked cherries - spicy and sweet. Ba-dum, ba-dum. Be still my heart.

“Ki-young, Yoona, Min-ji, do you mind if I steal N/N for a moment?” The trio smiled and willingly let him whisk you away. He didn’t waste any time to take you further onto the floor, readying himself in position to start dancing with you. He held you close and your instinct was to find Yuri to ensure this didn’t bother her. She couldn’t be seen anywhere.

“Where’s your date,” you asked casually. Taehyung looked at you without an emotion you could read and held your hand a little tighter in an endearing way - a comforting way.

“She’ll be back soon. So, when were you planning on telling me that you could sing like that? I've  known you practically your whole life and I've never heard you. Curious.” The word slithered out like a snake who just caught his victim. The way he asked seemed as if he was slightly insulted that he didn’t know. A playful scoff came out. The man acts as if there can be no secrets between you two. Little does he know. He discovered something about you that he couldn’t read in a file. Poor thing. You looked into his eyes and remained coy.

“You don’t have to know everything about me, you know?” He laughed lightly in amusement. Lowering himself to meet your ear so only you could hear, his breath tickled your skin.

“You and I both know that’s far from the truth. I must know everything about you,” his voice  hummed deliciously in a way that made you shiver, “For what it’s worth, you have a beautiful voice, along with how you look tonight. You sang our song. Should I be flattered or was that just a coincidence?” His gaze returned to yours as he parted from the side of your face. Prayers couldn’t prevent your cheeks from changing colors. His irises seemed darker somehow. It made your heart race.

“It depends. Are you flattered, Taehyung?” Wait. Are we flirting? It’s been a while since we’ve been playful towards each other; at least since before Yuri came into the picture. A smirk formed on his perfectly shaped lips - hypnotizing.

“Flattered enough that I want to hear you again. Would you sing for me,” he asked in an enticing voice. It was then that you realized how close you were dancing together. His touch felt like fire against your lower back as the material of your dress was dangerously thin. You could feel how firm his chest was as your torsos were sandwiched together. The smell of his body wash and light scented cologne makes your head spin. Surely he could feel how fast your heart was beating. Or perhaps he could smell how aroused you are. Your cheeks flushed deeper as you looked up at him.

“You know I’ll do anything you ever ask of me. I’ll do anything for you, Taehyung,” you said in a submissive tone. Saying his name when you spoke to him was your own way of being submissive to him, but you're not sure if he ever noticed. Something changed in his expression. It seemed as if time stood still. Suddenly, Taehyung’s attention averted towards the entrance. Yuri was headed out in a rushed fashion - almost as if she was running away. His attention was no longer in your presence as he watched her descend towards the doors.

“Perhaps a raincheck. Excuse me.” And in an instant, Taehyung left. Initially, the feeling of disappointment coursed through you yet your empathy took over. Whatever it was, it would be awful of her boyfriend to just stand there and watch her leave. And yet, how quickly he ran to her without hesitation made your heart drop ever so slightly. You got your dance and sang your song. May as well make your exit. Regardless, it was all you wanted from this evening. 

Sooyoung and Min-ho are sitting at a table engaging in conversation with other elites. With a deep breath to regain your composure, you make your way over there to say goodbye. They both look up at you with delight.

“Sorry to leave so early but I think I’m going to go,” you interrupt politely. Min-ho went to speak but was pulled into another conversation by a peer. Sooyoung looked disappointed by this.

“But the evening has just begun, darling. Won’t you stay for the auction? It’s coming up soon.” Ah, the auction. Bidding on items and events isn’t exactly your cup of tea. Your contribution was your voice and you couldn’t bear to be there any longer. Walking over behind them, you kissed each of them on the cheek.

“Enjoy your evening, okay? I’ll come over soon to share a meal.” Sooyoung opened her mouth to protest, however, you left before you could hear another reason to stay. For once, you wanted to be selfish. You needed to be selfish. Besides, nothing sounded more appealing to you than spending the remainder of the night with yourself. Perhaps tonight, you’ll start learning how to move on; starting with the biggest bottle of wine that you can find.

It was nearly midnight and you were sure the party had come to an end by now. A content sigh escaped you as you walked out of your bedroom in your most comfortable loungewear. Face washed and your routine night care had been complete - leaving you feeling fresh. Eagerness coursed through your veins as your bare feet led you towards the kitchen. A steaming cup of tea awaited you. 

With your cup in hand, you walked over to your couch whilst taking tiny sips to soothe your soul. A fuzzy blanket laid lazily just calling out your name. Now that the ball was over, a weekend ahead of catching up on rest seemed like a dream. Just as you were about to turn on an episode of one of your favorite dramas, there was a knock on the door. Panic made you freeze; alert yet confused. Who would be at your door this late at night?

Fear rose in your chest as you slowly got off the couch. Please don’t let it be Joon Jae… Your phone in hand ready in case you need to make an emergency call to someone, anyone. Thoughts mumbling internally as you approach the tiny security screen near your door, you take a peak to see your visit. To your surprise, it was the last person you were expecting to see. Instantly, you opened the door.

“Taehyung? What are you doing here?” His hair looked slightly teased. His suit jacket was gone leaving him just in a button down shirt, the top two buttons undone and his tie unraveled around his collar. He looked up at you in a way that caused your heart to skip a beat. Had he been crying?

“She’s gone. I guess I’m more of a monster than I thought…” His voice sounded so defeated. It broke your heart into two. Nothing stopped you from reaching out for his hand to lead him inside.

“Ah... Come inside,” your soothing voice whispered. When you closed the door, he stood in place. Looking around your apartment as if it was the first time he had ever been here. Lost and dazed. What the hell happened to make him so disheveled? As much as you wanted to wrap your arms around him, you decided to keep your distance. Instead, you went to the kitchen to grab a cup of tea for him as well. He looked like he desperately needed one - something comforting. When you returned to him, he hadn’t moved an inch. He slowly reached for the cup, wrapping his hands around it without taking a sip.

“What happened? I haven’t seen you like this...in a really long time. Are you okay?” Somehow, you felt as if you could feel his pain. Your attachment to him truly took a hold. The empathetic connection you shared was all consuming, as if you had the power to fix everything.

“She wanted to see. She wanted to know how far I could go. It wasn’t even my furthest. I proceeded with caution, started slowly. But she looked at me as if I abused her. I trusted her to tell me to stop and she never did. Why didn’t she use her safe word? I...I don’t know what I did wrong.” Blood boiled inside of you. Although he spoke without much context, you knew exactly what he meant. Yuri must have challenged Taehyung to show her his true dominance. Why like this? Yuri was new to the world of BDSM. Trust is the utmost important aspect of the realm. To defy this trust is the worst you can do - whether as the dominant or the submissive.

Remember when you interviewed Yuri a while back, she asked you questions about this lifestyle. It wasn’t a life for her. She didn’t understand. You don’t just become submissive. You either are or you’re not. Maybe you should have warned Taehyung but he needed to see for himself. In the moment, all you could do was keep to yourself. Now wasn’t the time for “I told you so”. He needed a friend, a confidant.

“You’re not a monster. Don’t ever think that way. You have strong feelings for Yuri and I get that. I really do. You gained feelings for someone who doesn’t understand this life, which isn’t easy. Being a dominant or a submissive isn’t a sin. It’s not weird or unusual. It’s an intense relationship that involves trust in so many forms. You need someone who can give you the best of both worlds - a submissive and a deep connection outside of the bedroom. I’m...sorry that person wasn’t Yuri. Give it some time. Maybe she just needs to think about it and she’ll come around. If you’ll accept her trust again, that is.” Taehyung’s gaze never left yours as you spoke. Something softened in his eyes.

“I don’t think I could trust her again. Who is to say she won’t do it again? Maybe…I need someone that can give me that trust. Someone...like you.” Your jaw dropped and lips dried as you lost your breath. Eyes widened at his words, your head frantically started replaying his words to make sure you heard them correctly.

“I-I...I don’t know w-what you mean. You’re not thinking clearly. Why don’t we sit on the couch?” Fighting every fiber of your being to think too much into the situation, you turned to go towards the couch. His hand reached for your wrist to still you. His eyes were dark, lingering enough to make your skin heat with anticipation.

“I’m thinking more clearly than I have in my entire life. Y/N, why didn’t you tell me how you felt?” Time stood still. What did he mean? It couldn’t be. The song perhaps? How did he know? Thinking back, you recalled getting an unusual text from his mother after you left the ball.

It will all be better soon. I promise, dear.

Sooyoung. What the hell did she say to him? The breath in your lungs became dense as the room became smaller. The deepest secret between the two of you had been revealed without your permission. A string of emotions rushed over you as you tried to find a way to escape this.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about. We’re...just friends. That’s it,” you stuttered timidly as you tried to play it off with nervous laughter. Taehyung didn’t look phased.

“If you wanted to be more, all you had to do was ask. I thought I was clear about that.” Then that’s when you started putting the pieces together. Did he think you just wanted to be his submissive? You couldn’t help but to laugh lightly - insulted.

“Taehyung, I’ve told you a thousand times. I don’t want to be your sub. I value our friendship far too much for that. I don’t know what your mother told you but I think you got the wrong idea. Don’t read too much into things.” Feeling the perfect opportunity as he loosened his grip, you removed your wrist from his hand. The fear of him feeling your heightened pulse made you retreat from his warm touch. Surely she said something subtle and he took it the wrong way. He’s suggested such a dom-sub relationship for years; no strings attached. It was a line you could never cross as you knew you would get attached and want more. A real relationship. Love.

“I’m sorry, Taehyung, but that’s not a line I can cross with you.” Your gaze into his eyes were soft - sincere. Rejecting his offer yet again to avoid a potential broken heart, it was the best solution. It had to be.

“So you’re not in love with me then,” Taehyung replied in a low, sultry tone. Your breath caught in your throat, your eyes widened in alarm. Shock got the best of you, making you drop your teacup causing it to shatter against the floor - the only sound that remained in the room besides your thoughts.

Fuck...

[smews]

Re: The Veilguard worldstate and prior choices.

I know that we don't all have to have opinions about every little thing, nor do we have to share them but I just wanted to add one more voice in case others feel the same.

We haven't played the game. We don't know what the story is, not really. All of the marketing and communication from devs so far seem intent on stressing that the game will be about found family and your companions. I can see a case being made for characters being very focused on the task at hand. Harding might have opinions and stories all about every event in Inquisition, but will the events of The Veilguard present her with a situation where she would want to mention the Chargers? Would the narrative be served by it?

How much will we be interacting with Morrigan? Is she in a position where she would feel comfortable or want to mention having or not having a son when the gods are unleashing chaos? Will we get to really know her as Rook or will we interact once and then the rest of the time she shows up is just us observing her?

Will Rook even get to interact directly with the Inquisitor? Or will we only see them in Solas's memories?

What story are they really aiming to tell here? People who have gotten to play it say that it has more impactful choices and branching situations based on those choices than any other Dragon Age game. Did this branching mean that they couldn't incorporate prior decisions, or did they find that the story they wanted to tell didn't require input of previous decisions?

I'm disappointed, yes. But I'm not angry and I can think of potential reasons why they would go this route. My prior choices still matter to me and to my experience and personal narrative when playing the previous games.

My long-winded point is that we don't know. Play the game, don't play the game. Like it, don't like it. It is okay to be upset and to feel let down. I'm sure I will have some criticisms, but I can't criticize what I haven't played yet.

And for those who feel greatly affected by this, please remember that this is not a direct attack on you. The writers are telling the story that they want to tell, we get to consume it. Maybe we'll send it back to the kitchen, maybe we'll get some mods and add some salt and pepper if it's not to your taste, but please don't threaten or attack the chefs. This is not a waffle house.

[thicctails]

i recently saw your GBC AU and I can say that I am now one of the many people who has fallen in love with it. I am also a little more curious about the AU. For example, I noticed how Bill interacts with the Pines and his parents. How did it come to the point that Bill is now just living with the Pines family? Does he even live with them? What was it like for everyone involved?

I feel like Scalene and Euclid would want to reach out to their son but for multiple reasons. For one, maybe convince him to get help (It's a given fact that Bill Cipher needs therapy) or maybe not kill anyone. Depending on how much they investigate the matter based on Bill’s and Ford’s toxic relationship (Speaking of which, how does Ford react when his “Muse” starts living with them?) do they ask themselves what else Bill has done? The yellow Dorito has a LONG criminal history with not many redeeming qualities (other than being a feminist).

Of course, Id also see them wanting to reconnect with their baby boy and apologize for everything they have done to him in the past. But again, trillions of years have passed and their Little Billy ain't so little anymore, and has developed a dark, if not sadistic sense of humor. While his parents may be what breaks the camel back and slightly motivate Bill to change his ways, undoing the unhealthy mindset that is severely rooted into him will take more than a little lullaby to fix.

Every day the Primary Colours trauma triangle cult grows >:)

To answer your question, Bill doesn't end up with the Pines and his parents in their reality until Weirdmaggedon, which is caused by an alternate version of himself tearing open the weakened wall between the Nightmare Realm and Reality. Before then, he mostly uses dreams and very weak vessels to interact with them, such as the various plushes Mabel makes for him.

After Weirdmageddon, Bill is severely weakened and fairly injured (think half-blind and pretty scarred up), but he and his folks can exist in the 3D and 2D planes. (though Bill usually avoids going 2D if he can) After the human Pines parents lose custody (Soos and Melody adopt Dipper and Mabel officially, since Stan is a criminal and Ford... well, Stan used his identity lol) the Ciphers mostly watch over the kids and the Shack while Ford and Stan are out at sea. When the Stan twins are around, Bill usually makes himself scarce.

Dipper and Mabel are probably the ones that are the most comfortable with Bill. They don't have any real traumatic memories with him in this AU, so they're just happy to finally get to meet and hang out with their older brother, strange as he is. Bill encourages them to get into mischief and often pulls pranks, but he never actively puts them in danger. He's actually really possessive/protective over the twins once it sinks in that they aren't just squishy little humans his parents love, they're his baby siblings.

(Ford mentions that Dipper might need to see an optometrist within earshot of Bill and he injures himself summoning fire to guard Dipper from him. Bill has nothing but hellish memories of his experience with an optometrist and will not allow Sixer to take Pinetree to be blinded like he was. It takes a long time to calm him down and convince him that Dipper isn't going to be harmed.)

In the months before Weirdmaggedon, things between Bill and everyone who isn't the twins is... awkward and tense, to say the least. Scalene and Euclid are, obviously, thrilled that their oldest isn't just a long-gone smear of burning flesh and dust, but it's also very mentally taxing and difficult to interact with him. As i said in a previous post, they often accidentally set off the others' triggers, and Bill being, well, Bill, means that they also have to come to terms with the fact that, while they will always love their son, he's not the velcro-shoe wearing, bubbly little stargazer they once knew.

Ford, understandably, does not take Bill popping up in his house very well, and is even more upset by the fact that he's getting near Dipper and Mabel. It's only Stan's insistence that he's actually helped the kids freely before that keeps Ford from forcing everyone into Mandatory Family Thought Encryption. He never forgets what Bill did to him, nor does he ever forgive him, but he doesn't murder him in his sleep when he's vulnerable after making a deal with the Axolotl at the end of Weirdmageddon, so there's that. Plus, it is reassuring to know that the once all-powerful King of the Nightmare Realm folds like wet laundry under the Power of Mabel. The creature that once haunted his nightmares looks a little less scary when a 13 year old girl has painted his nails a glittery pink and made him have a disco tea party with her pet pig.

As for him getting help? Well, that's actually part of the deal he makes with the Axolotl! Weirdmageddon almost kills him (turns out fighting yourself while actually caring about not hurting people leaves you somewhat vulnerable!), but the Axolotl agrees to save him, if he agrees to monthly therapy sessions with him, as well as him and his parents having a regular life span. Total reformation really isn't going to be possible, not for Bill, but when Dipper and Mabel have passed on, he and his folks will go too, and if Bill has made progress towards being a better person, then they'll be reincarnated together.

It's hard and it SUCKS, but its better than Canon Bill is doing lol.

[wavesoutbeingtossed]

I know you don't like discussing the muses but i love your takes and perspectives and i had to ask you about this. after listening to ttpd, did you have the impression that she really loved matty more than any of her exes/previous relationships?. And listening to the whole album as a whole would you call it the ''matty album'' or do you think there are more prominent themes in there than their period together?. (hope this doesn't bother you, feel free to delete if you don't feel like answering it)

hey anon! You're right, I don't really like to get into the muses as I don't really think there's anything to add to the conversation at this point, and ultimately I don't think it matters.

That being said, and with the caveat that I am not Taylor and I do not know Taylor so I cannot speak to her thoughts and can only make relatively educated guesses based on being an avid consumer of her work and a student of the human condition (lol), no I do not think Taylor loved Matty more than anyone else. I think there was maybe a brief period in the thick of things where she *thought* she did because she was not thinking clearly and was in full-on denial, but to me the message that is loud and clear in the album (and more or less explicitly stated in the epilogue) is that it was not any kind of real love affair. It was certainly infatuation and lust and the promise of something more, and there may have been some love as well, but he was in no way the love of her life by any measure.

I would call it a "Matty album" insofar as they're about events in which he was present, sure. But I feel it much more as a Taylor album, if that makes sense, even though I know that's a cop out because every album is to a degree. I can't explain it well, but I don't see TTPD as a Matty (or Joe) album in the way that I would maybe say Red is a "Jake" album or 1989 may be a "Harry" album or even Lover being a "Joe" album whatever, because even if they don't figure in all the songs, that kind of heartbreak permeates so much of the material.

The thing about TTPD and the Matty situation is that the Matty situation is really a Joe situation (which in some ways is actually partially a Jake situation). I always say I hate treating Taylor like a character so I hate speaking about her and her work in this way, but you don't get the Matty situation without the Joe situation precipitating it. It's @taylortruther's now-infamous donut vs. hole analogy. The reason Taylor makes the choices she does with Matty is directly tied to what happened with Joe that made her feel she needed to. Which is not to say Taylor isn't responsible for her own actions or doesn't have agency in her own life, but I mean it in that the situation in which she found herself with Joe, and the pain it caused, is what made the alternative so comforting and perhaps even necessary in her mind. It's why it makes it so hard to "paternity test" the album, because the stories are inherently intertwined and you don't get the former without the latter.

The major "theme" of the album to me is the loss of a very specific, very personal dream, and the way in which she lost it, and the way in which grieving that loss drove her to make the choices she did. We're all talking very delicately about it because it's a sensitive topic, but it's late on Friday and few people are going to see this, so I'm going to say it: it's the give you my wild, give you a child of it all. The yearning she expresses both overtly and sub-textually for having a family in the album is palpable in a very iykyk kind of way, and it's the realization that those plans are not going to come to fruition in the way she had once imagined that drives a lot of the pain she experiences, and makes her jump at the chance to find that again with someone else.

I started a draft post about the theme of womanhood and motherhood on TTPD three months ago that I never finished because I ran out of time and ran out of steam, but it was the most striking thing to me on the album, not because I didn't know that she wanted those things because that's been obvious for years (definitely since Lover, and again, peace put it all on the table), but because the vulnerability she expressed about it on the album is incredibly moving, and it's so generous of her to trust listeners with those feelings and experiences.

Again, it's the thirtysomething of it all.

She is in relationship A which she at one point believes is forever, one which she at one point believes is going to lead to marriage and children. She is so committed to that dream that she either ignores or tries to fix serious issues that may otherwise lead others to think the two people in the relationship are incompatible, both because she loves the person deeply and because she feels that this is meant to be the way she achieves that dream. She gives it her everything, and it still dies a slow, painful, onerous death, and she feels like it may take her along with it. The dream of getting married and presumably having a family gets taken off the table: how we don't know and will likely never know because that is private between the parties involved. All that matters in the context of the album is that those plans never come to fruition and never would.

Then you have relationship B, an old flame who knows just enough buttons to push both to trigger and to flatter. A person who she presumably trusts with very sensitive, personal information as her life slowly crumbles, and this person is telling her all the things she wants to hear because he knows about what is happening in relationship A because she's told him. Person in relationship B doesn't get an "in" with her and sell her this dream unless what happens in relationship A precedes it. It's not a grand love affair for the ages, it's not a mutual decision on building their own dream together. It's Person B learning about what is happening with Person A and saying "I can do that!" even if he can't or doesn't. The dream he sells her is a rental car; it's not his own, he's just borrowing it from someone else and selling it back to her.

And the reason she falls for it is because it is what she aches for the most in her personal life, and she is grappling with it disintegrating, so she (unfortunately for her) falls for the easy way out, and in turn sells herself a story about how this must be fated, and this must be meant to be, because this person wants all the same things she does and she didn't even have to bargain for it! Well, yes, because she fed him the dream in the first place. (Like a mark falling for a sleeper cell spy.) It's too good to be true because it isn't true. IMO Person B doesn't come running out of the gate with the marriage/baby/dream life promises unless he knows that is what she most desires. But what's left unsaid out of all of it is that: those dreams were her dreams because they were her dreams with Person A. It was a whole life they had together, and a whole life they had planned for in some fashion, and a whole life that has to be dismantled in the aftermath.

So all this to say, yes, on the surface, Matty is a "main character" on the album, but truly he's a side character to Taylor as the narrator and person experiencing it and Joe as the ghost bit-player-who-haunts-every-scene. (Again, I hate referring to real people as characters, it gives me the absolute ick, but in this case it's the only way to answer the question.) I jokingly call it the Matty album for shorthand or when I want to say something out of pocket, but really, it's a disservice to the album to say that because it's not a muse album as in it's about the romance (like, say, Red often is), it's about a soul-crushing heartbreak that goes beyond it. The romance is the symptom, not the cause.

The loss of youth is tied in with all this: she's not 22 anymore. She isn't even 32 anymore. She had a very specific idea of what her life was going to look like at this point and had planned for that life, and it goes up in smoke. But again, to bring the womanhood into it all: there is, unfortunately, a deadline for these things. You're with someone for over half a decade you think is going to be your life partner and father of your children and and then he's not. You spent half a decade building this relationship for it to crumble, but now you're in your mid-30s and you don't necessarily have another half-decade to build that trust and faith in someone else before being ready to start a family. And maybe you're scared that anyone else who may become your partner will need that much time to build that trust and faith, because that's kind of all you've ever know in relationships. But lo and behold, someone comes into your life you once had feelings for and maybe now do again and is offering you everything you want and thought you'd have by this point in your life right now. It feels like an elixir that as we find out is actually poison.

That youth is not just the chance for motherhood, but it's also the hopes and idealism and belief in the future that often gradually erodes as we age. But for Taylor as well, it's also tied into the trauma of what she went through particularly in 2016, which kicks off a lot of things on the album as well (her retreat, her relationship with Joe, the pivoting in her career, etc.). That event caused a pretty clear before/after in her life (like a few other events, I suspect), and another major theme in the album is her finally grappling with the full weight of that. They're all different branches of the same tree of the story of TTPD and her life.

I could talk about this stuff forever, but I'm going to stop here because it's long enough and I should save stuff for one of the dozens of drafts I have half-baked lol. But this is just something I needed to get off my chest perhaps.

[mangofanarts]

I love q!Bad being a liar, I love how he gets into denial and can't get himself to admit to emotional vulnerability with people. He's fine, he says while his back is glowing green and it's growing and it's hurting and his head is hurting too. But it's okay, because he says he's fine so you should believe him and move on despite the better gut instincts you have in not trusting him at his word. He's fine as he wanders around lost without his kids around and confused and picking flowers and not understanding what's happening. He's just chilly! That's why he's wearing armor, knowing fully well that he doesn't want to make others more concerned about him despite his kids hearing him cough and splashing their health potions on him in an effort to help their dad, not knowing how really far gone he is.

He's rebuilt something he thought felt like a home and showed it to a teammate that was in the same situation as him. It was comfort to him, it was his slice of heaven in hell. For her, it was always hell - it wasn't ever a comfort. It was survival. She calls him a freak and monster and runs. He says to himself that he thinks she liked the surprise as she talks about how upsetting the whole killing event was with his child and that it was a nightmare. He's watching her from afar as if he was a dog that did a bad thing, afraid he will do another bad thing. He's picking up flowers silently before handing her a totem later on, he's saying sorry without saying it to her. Whether or not she understands his apology in silence, she thanks him and hugs him later anyways.

Even so, he says he wants to keep it a surprise for the others with an excited voice! If I was q!Bad, I would never show my recreation to anyone again after q!Tina's reaction. I would feel ashamed, embarrassed for thinking that the recreation I made could have been comfort to someone else. For even asking her if it was cool and awesome and great. I wonder if it's because he wants a different reaction.

The others won't act like how she did, right? Surely there must be someone that feels like it was a part of home? That as stressful and horrible purgatory was, there was a bit of good, wasn't there? Can't one of his previous teammates recognize his feelings? The yearning? Longing? Is it.....only the dog that thought their home was something special? The experience of it? No, there has to be someone that was in his team that'll appreciate what he did. Someone that is nostalgic about it and will pat him on the head, throw him a bone and praise him about it. To be grateful about the dedicated days he's put effort into making it as perfect as possible and so closely identical to the original base.

[lucysarah-c]

Second question!

(sorry for the delay, work got in the way >___> Once again, there is absolutely no rush to reply to these <3 Especially because I know I will make a mess of this ask in particular lol) I think you mentioned in one of your previous posts that you think Levi would very much be of the opinion "my past is my own, and just because we are together does not mean you are entitled to know it". Or something on those lines.

Now, imagine Levi and Y/N have been together for a while and, despite not pressing him, she has made clear that she is interested in where he comes from, in understanding "all of him". Do you thin Levi would still be tight-lipped about his past? Or do you see him randomly dropping things whenever he feels comfortable, like he told Nifa about Kenny?

And finally... do you think he would ever talk voluntarily about Furlan and Isabel? How would that conversation go? And, how do you see Levi replying to Y/N saying somethig like "I think they would be proud to see how far you got"?

That's it, I promise my questions should be done for a while uahahaha I know I did it in my previous ask, but thank you very much for taking the time to read these and for the patience you have when replying to all of us and for putting up with the fandom in general! I wish you a lovery day Lucy and I send you a heartfelt hug <3

Hi, Feris! It's always a pleasure to see you in my inbox, sweetie <3

I love it when I have clear answers for asks, haha. I think Levi would first start by casually dropping little details about his life. Like, maybe one day they’re both lying in bed, and she’s playing with his hair when she notices a scar on his head. She could ask about it, and Levi would just go, “Oh, that? It’s from when Farlan and I stole our first 3DMG. It was so broken that even after I tried to fix it, it went berserk. I hit the corner of a roof and left blood everywhere, haha. But Farlan couldn’t stop laughing long enough to help me—the idiot.”

I imagine Levi doing this a lot—sharing the most heartbreaking stories like they’re funny memories. And she’d be there like, “…sweetie, that’s actually traumatizing and sad.” I feel like, as you mentioned, he’d drop these things randomly when he felt comfortable enough.

This next part is based on personal experience since one of my parents is really secretive about their life. I don’t think Levi would avoid talking about Farlan or Isabel, even on a daily basis. If he’s comfortable with her, I feel like he’d bring them up in conversation more often than we might expect. But I don’t see him sitting down to explain everything in detail, you know? Like, Levi wouldn’t act like they never existed or try to hide them, and the same goes for his mother or Kenny. He might mention them casually in conversations, but I don’t think he’d willingly go through the vulnerability of talking in-depth about the experience of losing them. If that makes sense?

Levi’s past would be like a puzzle she’d slowly piece together. He’s the type of partner who would share the most character-defining story on a lazy Sunday while making pancakes, all because something in the moment reminded him of it, as if it were nothing.

As for the comment you suggested Y/N make, I think he’d definitely be touched by it. He’d probably go quiet for a moment, breaking eye contact as he tries to process the feeling. Then, in a quiet voice, he’d murmur, “Thank you. But I’d still prefer it if they were here… those idiots.” Softly, almost under his breath. If they were close, maybe he’d squeeze her hand or rest his forehead against hers for a moment while he gathered himself, not wanting to show too much vulnerability.

Thank you so much for all your sweet comments, T-T! Truly, I appreciate them. Sending you a big, tight hug back!

[catboybiologist]

March 2024 documentation and transition journal

Just got my levels results back, meaning that the doc is fully updated for March:

This is possibly one of the most exciting and interesting months of HRT since starting, because I've experimented around a lot with injection doses, so let's talk about that! I'm also slapping a couple of old pics in here for reference, so I'll slap some selfie tags on this.

So, lots of interesting HRT stuff. At my last levels check, I was on 4mg injectable EV a week. And… my E actually went down, even though that’s an effectively higher dose than my previous regimen (6mg sublingual/day). Because of this, I talked with my provider, and essentially she told me to fuck around. I probably was way looser with it than she wanted me to be, but she told me to go to 8mg/week maximum, and try and settle on 6mg/week minimum. So….. here’s what I did.

1 week of 8mg.

2 weeks at 7mg.

2 weeks 6mg, during which my levels were checked at mid.

I… can’t really advocate for this. Basically, my logic was that I wanted to see what it felt like to max things out, but have my actual levels check reflect what I’m like at 6mg to know if increasing or maximizing the dose beyond that is necessary at all. Ultimately, I’ve concluded that 8mg feels too high- I start getting a bit of headache and nausea at peak. 7mg feels very comfortable. 6mg, I felt fucking miserable at trough. When I was on 4mg/week, I used a couple of sublingual pills to try and get through that, but I tried to see if I could stop doing that. It went okay for the higher doses, but on 6mg… ugh. Felt like complete shit. I’ll def be using a couple this week to get through that, probably just 4-6mg sublingual on wed/thurs to make sure I’m feeling okay.

Oh. Also. I ditched Spironolactone, against the advice of my provider. 

I was getting really, REALLY irritated by the diuretic effects, so I quit it when I tried to 8mg dose just to see what would happen. I figured that 8mg would be more than enough to suppress T on its own (likely true), and so I thought it would be the best time to try that. And… when I stopped spiro, a depressive haze that had been in my head lifted very quickly. I thought it was just depression based on a rough past couple of months, and that’s probably true, but it also felt physical. The diuretic effects have also stopped, and I genuinely can’t imagine going back on spiro.

I’ve heard a lot of theoretical stuff about spiro potentially being able to inhibit growth and development. It's possibly a growth hormone inhibitor, but should be a more potent antiandrogen than anyone else. It’s…. Really hard to say whether spiro actually inhibits growth. As with a lot of transfemme physical developments, there’s never been a comprehensive, conclusive study on it, which is why its relegated to miscellaneous anecdotes that everyone will swear one way or the other on. I’ll have some opinions on this later.

So what improvement to my levels did I get out of all of this?

Well…. Good, but nothing radical. My midcycle estrogen is 159 pg/mL, which is about my target for trough. It’s a good step up from the 4mg dose, but I’m probably going to increase to 7mg/week- that felt fine to me, and I’m pretty confident that that’ll be the dose that nails it. I’m pretty deadset on going forward with that, I would just need a levels check to verify we’re all good there. (Side note, I’m a bit frustrated that my body literally seems allergic to just… stuff. Idk if I have an overactive liver or what, but my T crashed super easily, adderall consistently lasts shorter than it should, and my E is really struggling to go up.)

And did this result in any physical improvement? 

I actually think that this last month has been the single fastest month of physical development I’ve ever had. Here’s some things I’ve noticed:

My breasts have become much larger and more developed in relation to my chest, with a much better shape. Comparison pictures to even just the end of January show a wild difference (sorry, not posting that publicly). To be fair, though, I’m still pretty clearly in tanner 2, and I maybe want to wait for just a bit more development before I start progesterone. 

Waist measurement is still going down, and hip measurement is still holding steady. This means that, in effect, my hips are getting wider.

And this is one of the most exciting ones- my upper body seems like its getting smaller. I’m floored by this. My underbust is less, my chest looks noticeably less barrel-y, and my ribcage kind of “flows” into my waist better. I wrote a bit about this on reddit just now, but I think I know what’s happening here. Not only is fat burning from the sides of my chest as it builds on the front of my chest, I actually think my costal cartilage might be getting “tighter”, effectively pulling my ribs a bit closer in to my sternum

I have…. No way to confirm the hunches of that last one, other than the images I can show. So for educational purposes (and y’know. Making the funny women in my phone type funny syllables) Here’s a quick timeline where I think you can see the “barrellness” of my chest decreasing:

From left to right, we have September (0-1mo), December (3-4mo), March (6-7mo)

Don't worry, my shoulders are just as wide and athletic dyke-y.

Am I delusional? Is this anything? Maybe. Pictures are hard to make consistent with changes this small. But I do feel like its noticeable, and it seems like women’s cut shirts and tanks have fit me in a way that’s a lot more consistent with a cis woman’s body. Again, there’s also nsfw images, and I think they show a lot of progress, and I think I can pretty definitively say that this has been the single month with the most physical changes since, well, my first month back in September. 

Why did this happen? Well, I’m working with a sample size of one here, and multiple variables have changed at the same time. There’s really three things that could be happening: increased injection dosage, ditching spiro, or the general come and go of physical changes. It’s impossible to completely know what’s going on because of this, unfortunately- I’d need way more data. That said…. This is the first new “wave” of development I’ve had since I started, and my actual blood levels didn’t increase that much. I really, really don’t want to conclude anything, but I’m kinda thinking that spiro had something to do with it. It has broad effects on physiology which aren’t entirely characterized, that could easily theoretically be inhibiting generic growth and development. That said, I think starting with a strong antiandrogen is basically necessary for HRT. It’s extremely difficult to get E levels up without robustly inhibiting T first. Obviously don’t take this as medical advice, or even a scientific opinion. This is nothing more than a hunch.

Idk. I’m happy. I feel like I finally am starting to break through the progress stall I’ve been growing increasingly frustrated with. And I think getting the proper injection dose actually worked to break through it. I’m feeling a lot better with my transition in general too. I won’t elaborate much here, but I’ve been coming out to a lot more people, and its been tentatively going about as well as I could ask. We’ll see what the future holds, but I’m excited about it.

[kunikinnie]

a/n: oddly specific prompt as it's based on recent experiences lol lemme indulge (also lowkey a mess but whatever HAHA) warning: some profanity

comforting you after a breakup (and you getting sick in the process)

featuring: Kunikida, Akutagawa x GN!Reader

Kunikida Doppo

He'd drop by your place more often that he should. But it's not that it was uncalled for (although of course he was worried that he was overstepping boundaries). In fact, you were always grateful for his help.

"How are you feeling?"

"A bit better," you'd reply with a weak smile. It was always like this every visit and for every other visit to come. He'd bring you some food, sometimes those which he cooked himself, your favorite snacks, and whatever it is you requested from his previous visit.

While you were glad you had a friend around to brighten up the place in your darkest moments, sometimes the guilt would get to you. Wasn't he spoiling you a bit too much?

Perhaps he was, but to him, this was hardly anything at all. Yes, he was doing it for you, but he was also doing all of these things to ease his own guilt and pain from seeing you like this.

He promised he would always be there for you. It shouldn't have been hard, given how loyal of a friend he was (and given how deeply he had fallen for you) , yet he'd failed at looking out for you when you needed him most.

Maybe if he'd acted sooner, you wouldn't have fallen for that bastard. Maybe if he'd tried a little harder, you wouldn't have to sacrifice so much for a man who would never have done the same for you. Maybe if he'd had been more honest, you would've realized that you were loved - so greatly loved, really - even if that came from a person so unworthy such as himself.

The moment he found out your bouts of illness weren't just unlucky coincidences was the moment everything crashed down for him. There was nothing more painful for him than seeing you in pain, whether it be emotionally or physically. That's why he couldn't take it anymore when everything started going downhill for your health and your relationship.

He's glad that at least the initiative to break up with that scoundrel came from you. However, the temptation to strangle him if Kunikida ever bumped into him always lingered in his mind. Perhaps it was fate that spared both of them the headache; he never ran into him since you two broke up.

How could your ex waste your love and affection like that? Why did he leave you hanging in the air when you needed him most? Why did you have to fall for him anyway?

Of course he didn't want to think of himself as being the better choice as he also has his own weaknesses and issues to work out, but at least Kunikida knew he'd never let you second-guess or tire yourself to death.

He'd never force you to fit his ideal because he's learned to love you for the person you are.

"Thanks so much for all this."

Your smiles alone made all his worries vanish into thin air. Didn't you notice how much brighter they are now? It's the only reward he could ever ask for, even if sooner or later those very smiles would be reserved for someone else.

"I'll come again tomorrow. Just let me know if you need anything."

"Nah, it's fine. Your presence is more than enough."

Words couldn't encapsulate the joy he felt from hearing that. If only he could return those same words with the same level of honesty...

"Aww, he's happy to hear that."

W-was it really that obvious? Then did you also notice-

"Okay, okay I'll stop teasing you. You should go home now, it's late."

"I'll be fine. You should be fine too. Don't forget your meds. Also you can heat up the-"

"Yes, yes, I got it. Don't worry about me too much. I think you should be worrying about Dazai-san's latest case instead-"

Ah, right. Sometimes he wished that his partner would at least spare him half the trouble so that he could visit you more often...

Akutagawa Ryuunosuke

He couldn't understand anything of what was happening to you, and to some extent, to himself as well.

He was aware he had no idea nor any intention as to knowing what "love," let alone being in a relationship meant. So when he learned that you had been dating someone else, he had been largely unaffected.

Well, at least that was what he said. It was obvious to anyone close to him that he was, in fact, extremely affected. The mere mention of your name was enough to shake him and sometimes even sour his mood.

But if this so-called "love" was the reason your smiles seemed to be brighter, then he had no right to feel the way he did.

As time passed, he distanced himself from the very thought of you. There was no point in dwelling on something that causes you pain, he claimed. Sure, sometimes you'd bump into each other and he'd feel lighter when you greet each other, and maybe he'd look out for you during missions as he always did, but they were just out of duty as your superior.

Yet the moment he found you one night crying in the middle of the rain, his resolution had been all but forgotten.

He used Rashoumon as an umbrella for the both of you before (awkwardly) asking what had happened. You suddenly hugged him tightly, despite being drenched from the rain, and continued to sob into his shirt.

"I guess he has no place for someone weak like me," you barely managed to say.

That statement puzzled him. You? But you were one of the most capable members the mafia, not just in terms of power and agility, but also in intelligence and strength of character.

It was not until he finally brought you to the hospital (because of course you got a fever from crying in the rain, dumbass) that everything was made clear.

You were diagnosed with a rare disease that had no treatment. Turns out you found a few days ago and were about to tell your partner that night, until he left you (literally) stranded in the middle of the rain for no good reason. He must have been tired of dealing with your symptoms - that was your conclusion.

"And still you refused to seek shelter like the idiot that you are," he said with great annoyance, but with no harshness in his tone. He could understand where you're coming from, of course, but compromising your health as if you were seeking death over something like that irritated him.

But what angered him more was your ex's (he supposed he was already your ex) behavior. To someone like Akutagawa who didn't even claim to truly know what "love" meant, it was disgusting to see someone abandon their lover like that. Worst part was that had to be you.

You having an illness, terminal or not, was not an excuse. If anything, that should have made him more determined to be by your side until the very end, right?

He hadn't realized you had already drifted to sleep. Despite your pale and reddened face and your puffy tear-streaked eyes, seeing you at peace for even just a moment brought him some peace of mind as well.

He was caught in a flurry of thoughts, ranging from wanting to choke your ex to coming to terms with the idea that he himself had fallen in love with you, and even to wishing that he could take your illness instead.

None of those really mattered right now, at least. The one thing that was clear was that you had to recover quickly and fully. If that meant he had to distance himself even further, then so be it. But if him being around would help in any way at all, then he'd swear to never leave your side and nothing - I mean nothing - can deter him from that.

taglist: @stygianoir, @irethepotato, @kisara-16reblogs, @thatdazaikin, @dazaee, @menshusband, @celestair, @bloobewy, @renaxnnas, @kunikida-simp

[iheartcabbyiii]

I didn't want to make this post, and I still don't, but I don't think I can keep my silence on the situation for any longer. I've only told a few people about this, so I'm here now, telling all of you about what happened.

"The Henry Stickmin Artist Community" discord server is a server I am currently in; you may be too, you may not. If so, you also might know the owner, Stick, aka Suppishstick on discord. I definitely do. My experience with them was not a good one, and I'll be sharing my experience with them in this post.

1: Starting off.

How we met:

A few months ago, I joined a THSC community based server along with another close friend of mine, looking to communicate with some other THSC fans outside of twitter (only platform I posted on back then). However, I didn't start talking until a few months afterwards. Once I had started talking, I had gotten to know a few of the people there; one of them being Stick. They didn't talk much, but the first interaction we ever had (I believe) was when I was talking about an artist I disliked (this artist was fairly controversial for their predatorial creations and actions, btw).

When I explained what they did to Stick since they wanted to know, we just talked about how disgusting that behavior is, and so on. Conversation ends.

How it started:

However, a few hours afterwards, they'd started dming me with random shit. It wasn't wrong, it just felt a little weird because I didn't expect to be dmed after our previous conversation was already done and over with: also because we didn't know each other. There wasn't anything wrong with just talking, so I went along with it.

One day, he suddenly said that he was thinking of making me and my friend mods. However, he said it like if he made me a mod, he'd have to make them a mod too. Despite this, I was extremely happy. I don't know WHY I wanted mod perms, but overall you can't really do anything other than ban and kick people; can't even invite a bot to the server. It wasn't worth it, but now I see why he made me AND my friend both mods. (This will come up again.)

3:

Then, the more they talked, the topic became based on serious topics, their IRL life, and their problems. (I'm going to be very vague with their problems they had for privacy reasons.) It started off with them talking about having a crush on their friend, and it basically backfiring on them.

This is basically what started it.

From then on, they began to vent in my dms almost daily about any feeling they had, and I would reply every time, despite being uncomfortable yet not having the guts to tell them to stop.

He went from that, to talking about how he wanted to bleach his skin, which is OBVIOUSLY harmful. His reasoning was that he would maybe get a girlfriend because he would be white, and saying that he should do what MJ (Michael Jackson) did, which is also untrue. Besides that, when he said this, I felt extremely uncomfortable with what he said he was going to do just for people to like him, since I didn't want him to harm himself. I wouldn't want ANYONE to do this just so they could be liked by other people. (As well as me telling him another time, not to vent in my DMS.)

Then, afterwards, they had started venting in my dms without permission again. This screenshot one of the various times I'd told him not to vent w/o perms.

All he talked about was the situation with his friend, and everything that was going on in his life. However, then he started talking about using steroids and harming himself. (I may come off as dry in these texts because as I stated, I was uncomfortable.)

I didn't know how to react when I saw these messages. I didn't know if I were to comfort him, discourage those actions, or just not reply in general.

When he said he didn't vent in DMS anymore, which was pretty much just contradicting himself, I pointed it out that he had been doing that for weeks.

His motive for doing most of these things was to make people like him. And I understand that you might not be liked by too many people, but harming yourself and your health to fit in is not the way to go.

He argued that it wasn't "angry or suicidal stuff", so I guess it ... Wasn't venting??? (SS of convo down below)

3:

I'd also like to talk about the typa shit he'd talk about when he wasn't venting to me. Most of this stuff was stuff I didn't know (or really care, I'm sorry to say it,,) about.

A few of the things he sent stuck out to me, specifically because it was NSFW content.

One of these examples was a newgrounds animation. Why was I trusting anything they sent that was from newgrounds? Because I didn't want to just not acknowledge the shit he was talking about.

This animation, however, was a video of a fucking Creeper getting assaulted.

I did not request to see the animation, all I said was that I hadn't seen it, yet he still sent the link.

The image of the video is blurred because it contains slight gore, and I'm not taking my chances,,,

Yeah, some people might be able to handle it, but like, if someone doesn't ask for a NSFW link, YOU DONT SEND IT!!!

Now, here's my message I sent after I didn't want this to go on any longer. I sent this message to request that he stop talking in my dms in the politest way I could. Although, this is the response I got.

Yes, he did apologize for saying it like that, but it didn't feel as if he really meant it.

If he had problems, I wanted him to seek help for them, and not tell someone on the Internet who he didn't know basically every thought he had.

I wasn't comfortable from the start.

Before I start my conclusion on this, I'd like to mention the time he promoted his rants,...,, To be specific, he sent a message in the main chat of the server, saying, "check rant, it's bad."

Not only did he say this in the server, he also sent it in my dms as well. (I cannot provide any more pictures because I've reached the limit of images tumblr will allow me to add, but if anyone would like to see them, I can show the messages he sent.)

If Stick sees this, I will not argue with him about this. If he bans me from the server, that's fine. I still believe what he did was wrong.

[yeahspider]

I have a request if they're open! Can you please write something with Han or Felix based of the song Matilda by Harry Styles? I relate to that song more than I want to 😭

THIS IS SUCH A CUTE REQUEST !!!! tysm for stopping by my inbox i love this song it means alot to me so this is gonna be based off of my personal experience a little bit and i hope that's okay. also its a lil short im sorry . this is only semi proofread but just know that it was written passionately. abrupt ending as always and to all readers this is sfw but allusions to triggering topics such as parental abuse and neglect . enjoy and feel free to stop by again ! <3

(also i have something to confess …. this was originally written with lee know in mind bc i’m dumb and read your request wrong ….so i altered it i hope you still like it i’m sorry 😭😭)

Grape juice 🫀

"Do you think I'm a terrible person for leaving?" you asked felix as you both sat in silence on the hood of his car. The night was warm despite the cold thoughts making their way into your head. It's been six months since left your home and three since you met him. In that time you've never felt more free. Your home life was never that good. Your stepfather was mean and your mother was blinded in love She did her best and you know that, but you were suffocating. Never enough money to go around and even less love. Your childhood was cold and ended all too soon. your family was struggling and you wanted out. As soon as you came of age you left. Starting a life of your own a world away. A life that was significantly better than the previous one you led. Every so often though, those thoughts would creep back up.

you abandoned them

you're being selfish

ungrateful

a coward

but felix was always there to chase them away. he didn't know every sad detail of your life but he knew enough to know that your home life was slowly killing you. Taking your hand he rubbed his finger over your palm, tracing the lines and curves.

"Your mother called again?" you nodded as you mulled over what details of the conversation you had with your mother earlier that evening. Calling it a conversation is a kindness you apply for her sake. In reality, it was thirty minutes of your mother berating you for leaving. From the sound of her slurred words, you could tell she was drunk, not a new thing for her. On most days you can ignore her hurtful words but today for some reason unknown to you, they stuck around in your heart.

"Just more of the usual stuff. She wants me to come home. Says Im a terrible person for leaving, that I abandoned my family. you know the usual stuff." you tell him as you pick at a peeling piece of paint on the hood. you could feel the tears welling up in your eyes and it made you feel so pathetic. How could someone miles away hurt your feelings? Crying felt stupid and pointless, you weren't taught to cry.

"You can cry you know? I'm not going to judge you." felix said as he wiped an escaped tear on your cheek. Something about those words made you so confused. Why wasn't he telling you to stop? To suck it up and be an adult? That you weren't a child anymore so it's not okay to cry when someone hurts your pathetic little feelings. An anger surged through you as you jumped out of the car and turned to him.

"Why are you so nice to me? I mean we barely know each other yet here you are comforting me on my mommy issues. What do you want from me?" you shouted at him as he just blinked at you, taking in your frenzied state. You weren't mad at felix and he knew that. This is just how you were taught to respond to kindness. Vulnerability was punished growing up, that lesson was still deeply embedded in your consciousness. He waited until your words washed over you and with the water came a calmness. He's seen plenty of your outbursts at this point in your friendship, although infrequent he handed them with grace every time. It surprised you never gave up on yourself like everyone else. Your brain wanted to be suspicious, your heart felt otherwise. felix waited until you released a breath and sat back down on the hood, muttering an apology as you went.

"You owe them nothing. All your life they've done nothing but tear you down as soon as you try and build a life for yourself. Your family robbed you of a childhood don't let them do the same to your adulthood. You deserve to live for yourself. That doesn't make you selfish or a coward. I won't let them ruin all the progress you've made. You're a good person. No one should make you feel any less." He finished his speech with a pat on your thigh, signaling you to get up and into the car.

"where are we going?" you asked as felix reached over and buckled your seatbelt for you. a habit he never seemed to forget.

"Somewhere, anywhere, everywhere. As far as we need to go for you toshake off those feelings. I'm gonna remind you how fun life can be. "

[alterchaos]

HUMAN

(cw: severe bullying/verbal abuse - read foreword)

After deciding to stay on Mobius, Eve gets settled into her new home with the help of her friends. Ready to start her new life, she ventures into town with confidence and enthusiasm. Though everywhere she goes, it seems she's only met with stares...

PREVIOUS CHAPTER: THE SHINING ROAD

NEXT CHAPTER: CALL OF A HERO

Hello everyone!

This is the second of two chapters that will dive into a deeper discussion on bullying including depictions of verbal abuse, harassment, and trauma. Viewer discretion advised. 

Everything said and done in this chapter is reflective of my own life experiences exactly as they happened, apart from the Sonic-specific items of course. I decided to do this in order to keep things grounded in some level of reality. My hope is that this story can offer a fresh perspective for everyone - whether you are a bully, a bystander, or a victim - and offer a sense of validation and hope for moving forward. 

The final scene in this chapter is based on a what-if scenario: what if I could go back and offer my younger self advice and encouragement? What would I say? How would I be there for myself in ways nobody really was at the time? I sincerely hope that scene can offer anyone else who needs it a sense of comfort and support. Even if no one else says it, you matter and you deserve to feel safe and loved. 

Thank you for reading Alter Chaos.

—----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Life on Mobius was an adjustment to be sure. There was so much Eve loved though about the small planet like the endless expanse of nature and the slow, relaxed pace at which life moved. 

And, of course, her friends.

The ragtag family of Mobians did everything in their power to make the teenage girl feel welcome and at home, especially Sonic. Once her brother had left her sight and her tears finally dried, the Blue Blur wasted no time nor effort in finding his new neighbor proper living arrangements. Amy obliged, expressing nothing but joy in having a new sister to share her home with. The girl moved in immediately, which wasn’t difficult given that she carried no furniture, trinkets, or luggage of the sort. She simply had a bare room and the clothes on her back to settle in with, though not for long. Once word spread of Mobius’s newest citizen, everyone pitched in to attend to their friend’s needs. Vanilla took measurements and tailored an entire wardrobe from scratch to meet the girl’s tastes while Cream helped get started on decorations. Vector and his crew taught her all about how the economy on their world worked, even donating a generous helping of rings for her to get started with.  Amy began to compile a Mobius-special cookbook for her new roommate, complete with ingredients the human girl had never heard of. Knuckles taught her the general history of their world, catching Eve up to speed on local customs and etiquette so she would be ready to socialize. Tails, despite still being riddled with grief over Cosmo, spared a few moments to craft his friend a bed to sleep in and even gave her one of his old desks.  

Then there was Sonic.

Through all of the chaos of getting settled into her new home, the Hero of Mobius insisted on remaining at her side, attending to every need she could possibly have, spoken or not. Whether through his clearly lingering guilt or some unknown promise to her brother she was unaware of, Eve didn’t know. All the girl with the golden hair knew was that, while incredibly sweet and appreciated, she was starting to feel a bit stifled by his efforts. With each passing day, her best friend who once inspired her to have confidence in her own abilities was starting to feel a bit more like an overprotective father who couldn’t bear to see her act on her own two feet. It was an overcorrection far beyond what she’d hoped would come from the incident with the fake emeralds, Amy even having to step in at one point and kick out the unrelenting, anxious hedgehog while insisting her new sister would be fine taking a few moments to herself to process everything. Eve felt bad for him, but Amy was right. She did need a few moments to herself.

Thankfully, the town where everyone had grown up wasn’t too far from her new home.

Eve stepped out to take a walk by herself for the first time…well…possibly ever. Back on Earth, she’d been the daughter of both a famous actress as well as a multi-billion dollar business tycoon. Taking a walk like this, alone, simply wasn’t feasible. She was too famous by association, too valuable and, therefore, vulnerable.

An easy target…

Here though, she was able to find a fresh start, to become who SHE wanted to be on her own merit. On Mobius, she could be a hero like her friends, strong and independent enough to enjoy activities like this on her own while providing for herself and helping those in need. It felt refreshing.

She felt capable.

She felt free.

Eve coveted the feeling and, while she missed her family back home, she didn’t miss the life she left behind. 

The trauma she left behind…

The judgment…

The stares…

The ridicule…

All for where she came from, but never who she was…

Eve took a deep breath.

That all changed now. 

Now, she could finally have the chance she always wished for.

…

Tap. Tap. Tap.

So then…

Tap. Tap. Tap.

Why…

Tap. Tap. Tap.

Why was everyone staring at her like this?

Tap. Tap. Tap.

Like she was…some kind of…

“Freaky…”

“-!!?”

Eve turned her head sharply, catching sight of a couple cat-like Mobians whispering off to the side.

“What a weird-looking Mobian…”

“Where’s her tail?”

More whispers picked up in her ears from all around her.

“Oh my goodness…She’s human isn’t she?”

“A human?”

“Another human?”

“We’d better stay away…”

“She could be trouble…”

Trouble?

But why…

She hadn’t even done anythi-

“I bet she’s related to the doctor.”

“The evil Dr. Eggman…”

“He’s brought us nothing but destruction.”

“Should we call someone?”

“Shhh…quiet! She’ll look this way!”

“Just leave it to Sonic. I’m sure he’ll put her in her place if need be.”

“Yeah! Sonic’ll protect us…”

“Just like the evil Dr. Eggman!”

“Evil…”

“Evil…”

“Evil…”

“Evil…”

“Evil…”

Evil…

Was that really how they all saw her?

Eve turned as she felt a slight tap on her arm, catching sight of a young Mobian looking up at her with curiosity.

“Excuse me, Miss…Where’s your tai-”

Before she could respond, the child’s guardian raced onto the scene, grabbing the small child and holding them close before looking at the girl in panic.

“I’M SO SORRY!!! PLEASE!!! JUST DON’T HURT US!!!”

The whispers continued as the girl stood there stunned, silent and unsure what to say in response. Her face flushed red in embarrassment and shame.

Without another word, she turned and left town, heading back to her home where it was safe.

Maybe tomorrow would be a better day.

—----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Another week passed, every day the same as the last. Though the panic ceased, the cautious stares did not. Amy, having heard about her trip, asked Eve how it went. The girl was unable to bring herself to tell the truth. She didn’t want to cause any unnecessary turmoil, which meant she had to continue venturing into town on errands in order to keep up appearances. Though she fooled her friends, she couldn’t fool herself. Every trip felt like a battle against the jaws of death itself, the Mobians’ distrustful stares piercing her very soul, every whisper cutting at her heart like the sharpest blade. 

Worse yet, there were a small handful of Mobians in particular who had caught on to her harmlessness and decided to take advantage of that, spreading hate and worsening the rumors that already weighed her down, knowing full well she would never retaliate.

“I saw her walking towards one of Eggman’s bases the other day…”

Lies.

“I heard her plotting to attack the town when everyone goes to sleep…”

Lies.

“See, she only wants to cause violence because she wishes she were us…”

“You mean that ugly little thing?”

Ha

Ha

Ha

Ha

Ha

All lies.

Suddenly, a gentle hand met her shoulder.

“Hey, Eve!” The blue hedgehog offered up a fanged grin, “I was on my way to check on Tails and wanted to see if you wanted to-!” He paused, catching sight of the girl’s face before him.

Eve was crying.

The other Mobians froze at the sight, silence filling the still air as they watched their hero in awe.

“Hey…What’s wrong?”

She wanted to tell him…

So badly…

But…

Eve wiped her tears, “S-Sorry…” She smiled, “I guess I’m just a little homesick is all…”

A frown crossed her friend’s lips as the Mobians who’d previously antagonized her released a collective sigh of relief. He closed his eyes, considering how to help before offering her another smile and a signature wink. He hesitated a moment before pushing his fears aside and finally taking her hand in his, “Hey, come with me. I want you to meet someone special.”

The girl with the golden hair watched curiously as her oldest and truest friend led her by the hand to a market stall in the deepest part of town. There, an elderly pair of dog and cat Mobians meticulously lifted and placed their goods for sale, smiling and taking each others’ hands lovingly when they could. They turned suddenly as they noticed the blue hedgehog approaching, smiling and waving enthusiastically. 

“Sonic!”

The dark, male cat approached, placing a hand on his shoulder, “Hey, Sonic! How’ve ya been, son!”

Sonic smiled, offering the couple a warm hug before stepping back to introduce his friend, “Jen, Indi, I want you to meet one of my best friends, Eve.” He looked back at his friend, who was now twirling a strand of her hair nervously, “These two took care of me and Tails when we had no place else to go. They’re like family to us! I’m sure they’ll take good care of you as well.”

The girl offered a small but nervous smile and wave, “H-Hi…”

“Reminds me of our sweet, little Tails...”

“How is he by the way?”

Sonic rubbed his head, “Well…still hurting but getting better day by day…”

“You poor kids must have gone through so much to save the universe like that…”

Sonic’s gaze fell, “Yeah…”

“Here. I have something for him that ought to put a smile on his face.” Indi crouched behind the counter, rummaging through more boxes. 

Jen placed a hand on the hedgehog’s shoulder for comfort, eliciting a small smile from him, “Well anyways, a friend of yours is a friend of ours.” She looked to the anxious teen, “Anything you need, sweetie, just say the word!”

A small smile escaped the girl’s lips, “Th-Thank yo-”

“Hey Sonic!” A young, rambunctious kitten tumbled from behind the boxes, racing up to the human before she could finish, “Wooow who’s this strange lady? She kind of looks like the evil Dr. Eggman!”

Eve froze.

“Bonnie!!!” The elderly dog picked up the kitten by the scruff of her neck furiously, “Apologize to her right now!!!”

Eve looked down, rubbing her arm and speaking softly so as not to cause a scene, “I-It’s okay…I’m used to it…”

“Used to it?” Sonic watched his friend with intense concern as her face grew red, both from embarrassment and tears threatening to spring up at the comment. His ear flicked, picking up on the soft sounds of whispering behind him as other Mobians nearby began to stare, though not daring to get close. 

Sonic clenched his fists, gritting his fangs in like as he turned to face the crowd.

“Rrrrrgh…Alright, listen up! If anyone has a problem with my friend here, they’re going to have to answer to me, The Hero of Mobius! Got that!!?”

Many in the crowd looked away in disdain, while the few antagonizers scoffed and rolled their eyes. None, though, dared to argue back against him. While the blue hedgehog puffed his chest and brushed his hands together in triumph, Eve shielded her face in embarrassment with one of her hands, not daring to look at the damage her friend had unknowingly caused.

That was exactly what she’d been afraid of…

—----------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Wow, having to hide behind the great hero, Sonic?”

“She’s obviously up to something…”

“She’s clearly just using him…”

She tried to ignore it day after day after day…

“I bet she just wants to steal his spotlight all for herself…”

“My, what a selfish pig…”

But it only kept getting worse…

“Bitch.”

“Whose boots are you licking?”

“Kiss-ass.”

Eventually, their words began to blend with those of the distant past…

“She should leave.”

“A waste of our space…”

“She was a mistake.”

“She should just leave Mobius for good.”

Eve didn’t even know whose voices she was hearing anymore…

“A complete waste of space…”

“Nobody loves you…”

“Who would ever want to be friends with her?”

Were they even theirs to begin with?

“You’re unlovable…”

“Just die already…”

“Die…”

“Die…”

“Go kill yourself.”

THUD!

Eve dropped her basket, the ingredients spilling out like the voices in her mind. She covered her face, sprinting from the town as fast as she could in a panic.

—----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Eventually, Sonic found her curled up near the cliffside overlooking the sea.

“Hey…still thinking about home?”

She wanted to tell him…

But…

“Yeah…”

Sonic rubbed his head in guilt.

“How did things go out in town today? Was it better?”

She couldn’t bring herself to…

Eve turned, a bright smile beaming from her lips.

“Yep! Everyone was super nice to me! Lots of new friends hehehe!”

Sonic watched her for a moment for any sign telling him otherwise. After a moment, he breathed a sigh of relief, wiping his forehead in tandem.

“Phew! For a second there, I thought maybe I made things worse!” He knelt down beside her, placing his hand on her shoulder after another moment of hesitation, “I’m really happy for you, you know?”

Eve nodded, maintaining her cheerful facade. She didn’t want to place that kind of burden on him, not when he’d already gone through so much on the Blue Typhoon. It was her business and, besides, she didn’t want to make the other Mobians hate her more. She needed to handle this herself. She could do this…she just needed a little more time…

She could handle this…

…

…

Then why did the thought make her feel sick to her stomach?

—----------------------------------------------------------------------------

A few more weeks passed since that day, her anxiety growing worse with every minute. It was all the same: the stares, the ridicule, the comparisons, the assumptions…Eventually, she didn’t even want to leave home, let alone her bedroom. If she stopped though, Sonic would figure it out. They all would. She had to keep up appearances. 

They couldn’t know.

That grew more and more difficult though as Eve began to fall ill from the stress. She found herself hardly able to eat or sleep anymore, leading her roommate to inevitably catch on that something was seriously wrong. She approached her sister directly, seeking answers where she was only met with silence. Still, Amy encouraged the human girl to reach out to someone she trusted, to tell someone what it was that was weighing on her mind. She was right of course, though one question still remained…

Who would she tell?

—----------------------------------------------------------------------------

The young fox maintained an intense focus on his work, for it was there that he found relief from the ever-present guilt and grief over his failures as a captain. Face shield pulled down, he watched the flames of his blowtorch as they melded the two scraps of metal together. Eventually, he clicked the blowtorch off, raised the shield, and took a moment to wipe the sweat from his brow.

It was then that he caught sight of the girl peering sheepishly at him from the corner of his open garage. 

Tails smiled, though a bit of fatigue and sadness lined his eyes, “Hey, Eve. What’s up? Do you need something?”

“U-U-Um…” She hid the bottom part of her face behind the wall, her eyes shifting to the side nervously, “C-Can we talk…?”

Tails’s eyes widened, noticing her fidgety demeanor. He recognized it all too well, remembering his own anxious mannerisms from his days at the orphanage with Sonic. He smiled warmly, rising from his workbench and inviting his friend inside without hesitation.

Eve felt a bit awkward at first, sitting across from her friend and captain on a sofa inside his adjacent house. She couldn’t find the words, though Tails didn’t rush her, simply offering her some snacks and a drink while she figured out what she wanted to say. Finally, she forced out a few words. Little by little, the awkwardness went away, replaced by a natural flow and passion that had been hidden away deep inside, locked safely from the outside world. She told him everything: all the names and harassment she’d endured. She told him about Sonic’s attempt to put a stop to it and how his efforts only made things worse. She poured out her heart until it was all empty. Tails simply sat and listened without judgment and, for the first time since she’d decided to stay on Mobius, Eve felt safe to just be herself.

Tails placed his mug he was drinking from down on the table before him, “Hmm…that is a tricky problem…I’m really proud of you for reaching out to me.” He offered her a wink, “I know first-hand how hard that can be, so I’m happy to help.”

Eve continued holding her mug in her trembling hands, sniffling a bit as her tears dried, “It’s just…It’s not that I don’t appreciate Sonic’s help…but…”

“Yeah…Sonic has many great qualities, but mediation was never his strongest. He just likes to jump in first and ask questions later, which explains why he and Knuckles fight so much. I know though, without a doubt, that if you told him how you feel, he’d listen. He really cares about you, you know.”

“I know that…I just…I don’t want to make him feel bad for trying to help…”

Tails smiled, “I’m sure he wouldn’t feel bad. If anything, he’d want to know how to make it right.” He closed his eyes in remembrance, “In fact, back when he first met you, he asked me for advice on how he could best help you feel more confident without making you feel overwhelmed or anxious. You know what I said to him?” 

Eve’s eyes widened. She’d never heard of this, “What?”

“I told him to just keep being himself.” Tails opened his eyes, “Sonic has his own special way of connecting with others, just as I do mine, and just as you do yours. If he tried to be someone else, that wouldn’t be building a true connection. It would only be a form of acting, a performance with an end. But friendship doesn’t end, at least not if it’s true.”

Eve paused for a moment, taking in what she’d just heard. Sonic had really gone out of his way for her, even as far back as the day they first met. It touched her heart.

Then she remembered the reason he even found her in that construction site in the first place.

Her gaze fell, “...but what if…what if people don’t like the real me? Does…does that make me a bad person?”

Tails’s eyes widened, “What? No. Why would you think that?”

“Well…if enough people think so then it must have some merit to it, right? I mean…I know I don’t have any special powers…and I can’t really fight alongside all of you, so…”

“Woah, slow down. Powers aren’t everything, Eve.” The girl looked back up at her friend, “We didn’t choose to become your friend because we expected that from you. Not even close.” Tails watched her gaze fall once more, releasing a small sigh as he remembered his own struggle with self-confidence, “Not everyone is going to like you, Eve. You can’t focus on that. Believe me…I know…” Tails smiled, “What really matters is the people who love you for who you are, like me! And definitely like Sonic!” He winked at her knowingly.

The girl sat there quietly for a moment, unsure how to respond. While she knew she was loved, she still felt as though it was unearned. Her friends had contributed so much to her life and yet, she’d hardly even begun to pay them back for their kindness. 

She needed to do better, starting now.

She looked up at her friend with concern, “You know, I’ve been so focused on myself these past few weeks that I don’t think I ever stopped by to ask how you were doing.”

Tails’s eyes widened before smiling nervously, “H-Hey, don’t worry about it! I’m…” His gaze fell somewhat, “...okay…It’s getting a bit easier with each day…I’m…trying and…that’s what counts…” He looked down sadly, “I know that’s what she’d want from me at least…”

Guilt flooded the girl’s expression, “I’m sorry, Tails…I-I didn’t mean to-”

The fox smiled, “Like I said, don’t worry about it. It’s good to talk about these things. It helps with processing everything. Besides, you really needed a friend who could listen and help. You never have to apologize to me for that, okay?”

Eve smiled warmly, “Thanks, Tails. I’ll…” Her smile faltered slightly, “...try to take your advice…”

At the very least, his words gave her the courage to continue.

If only…

“You’re welcome, Eve.”

If only there was a way she could prove herself as a hero…

As a true friend…

Then maybe they could see her as more than what she was on the outside…

Than that which held her back, hindering her in all aspects of her life…

Something more than some flawed, messy, weak, and out of place…

…human.

CHAPTER END

Fun Side Note: Jen, Indi, and Bonnnie are all based on real pets in my life.

Jen/Jenna (a ball of unimaginable fluff): 2003-2020 Rest in peace...

Indi/Indiana Jones (Indy for short): 2008-2023 Rest in peace...

Bonnie/Boo Boo (named after yogi bear): 2019- now

[suhnshinehaos]

growing pains : act three, part four (2/2)

series synopsis : people say that you’ll experience three kinds of love in your lifetime. the first is an idealistic love, the kind that feels straight out of a fairy tale. the second is the hard love, the kind that will leave you with lessons about yourself and the love you want and need to experience. finally, the love you never see coming. this is the story of your three loves. pairing : svt 97 line x gn!reader genre/s : non-idol au, coming of age, angst, fluff, my attempts at humor act three, part four wc : ~1.9k

act three : the unexpected love  ➤  part 4 : moving in and moving on

after years studying and working abroad, yn is finally back home to a new job and new faces. all they want now is to focus on nothing else but their career and one of their coworker’s friends, minghao, makes it all the more interesting. 

previous  ➤  act three, part four (1/2) next  ➤  act three, part five growing pains ➤  masterlist 

the car ride with mingyu back to your new apartment brought you a comfort that you didn’t quite expect. you had known each other for years at this point, but given the last time you had been alone with him, you were expecting several awkward silences to fill the air.

but it never does.

from the moment he walked past your front door and engulfed you in a hug, and you feel yourself freezing and eventually melting into his arms, you knew it was a foolish thing to expect. this is mingyu, one of your dearest friends, and had it not been for the vagueness of your relationship — or lack thereof — the past couple of years, you would have stayed in his embrace just a while longer.

your walls are still ever so slightly up, and though you receive his words warmly, laugh at his jokes, make little comments in between the stories he tells. you don’t steal longing little glances at him, as you would have done so before, and a small surge of pride courses through your veins.  

“how long are you staying again?” you ask, watching the several buildings go by from the passenger seat window.

mingyu turns the familiar corner the street of your apartment building. “about a month. i have a lot of projects lined up.”

“hm.” you nod, not realizing how long you both would actually be in the same time zone. you never had him with you for more than a week after you finished your studies. “i hope you leave some gaps in your schedule for us.”

although he recognizes the joking tone in your voice, mingyu answers you earnestly. “of course, i will. i know i’d regret it if i don’t- you know, make an effort.”

you turn to look at him, but he’s already looking back. you hold his gaze for only a couple of seconds before staring back ahead. “we appreciate it… did you ever consider being based here instead? i mean- you’ve got friends, family here. don’t you think it’s time to put down some roots?”

mingyu parks the car in front of your apartment building. he lets out a breath before turning to you with a smile and a shrug. “i’m in no rush. i mean, yeah, the constant jet lag isn’t great, the endless rumors are terrible… but, i really do like what i do. we’re young, we’ve got time.”

“no, yeah- i know what you mean. it’s just-” you pause, biting your bottom lip and choosing your next words as carefully as you can. “we do miss you. me, jeonghan, soonyoung, hansol.. not being in uni anymore kind of gave us less excuses to really hang out. and we’re all here, but you-”

“i know too.” mingyu sighs. “are you putting down roots already?”

you shake your head. “i’m not looking too far into the future, and i’m still taking things a day at a time. i also feel like i have so much to accomplish with my career-”

“so not much has changed with you since new york?”

“not exactly. being here gave me stability.. but not in the way that’s unchanging. the kind that makes me feel like i’m on firm footing, and i could move with confidence that i couldn’t before and i don’t have to-” you stop in your tracks, the words you need seeming to escape you. your lips are left parted and you try to catch a breath.

mingyu reaches out a hand and holds yours. his touch is familiar, comforting, but not as much as it used to be. “i get it. you have a constant stream of projects here thanks to referrals from your company, instead of being freelance… and well, i wasn’t exactly the most constant or reliable of partners.”

it’s the first time he’s ever acknowledged whatever it was the two of you had as anything other than a friendship. there’s a sense of understanding that envelops the two of you, and nothing more needs to be said. he knew what he lacked. you know what you need. it is enough.

he retracts his hand, and once again a small space is present between you. 

everything is okay. this is enough. love is there, and unlike seokmin’s where it’s transformed to a kind that’s different but just as powerful, this one slowly fades and mellows out to a more gentle affinity. 

“well, thanks for accompanying me.”

“thanks for insisting on paying for dinner.” mingyu chuckles before nudging his head in the direction of the backseat, where several grocery bags were waiting. “you need any help with those?”

“i’m good.” 

with one quick goodbye, you grab your groceries and head inside the building. the exhaustion from the day finally takes over your body, your shoulders slumping. with all the catching up with mingyu, you never quite noticed how much you had on your mind. 

you were on the latter half of the moving process and most of the things you need were now in your new apartment. you walk in a daze to the elevator, thinking about how minghao was yet to reply to your email on your photos you selected for his approval.

a giant tired breath escapes your lips as you watch the elevator doors close shut.

“wait up!”

you hear someone call and almost immediately your instincts take over and you move to push the button that opens the doors. what you didn’t expect is to be greeted with none other than the presence of xu minghao himself.

you try your best not to let your shock show through as he steps inside, standing just a couple of feet away from you. since you’re much closer to the buttons, you wait for him to tell you what floor he’s on.

“i’m on the eight floor as well.”

“oh.”

the doors shut and you begin to feel the elevator’s gentle upward movement. given your exhaustion and the weight of your groceries, you wobble ever so slightly. minghao reaches a hand to your arm, steadying you, and moves the other to hover behind your back just in case. 

“you okay?”

“i’m fine.” you attempt to say as calmly as you could, moving the arm that he’s holding. minghao immediately lets go, his arms falling to his sides. 

he subtly cranes his head to glance at you. his gaze scans your face and body to examine for any signs of fatigue, which he quite easily finds. minghao didn’t need to know you for very long to notice the bags under your eyes, or the invisible creases between your brows. he points to the bags in your hands. “need any help with those?”

the elevator doors open with bright sounding ding.

“i can handle it. thank you.” your grip is tighter as you move past the doors and walk down the hallway to your new place. you don’t know if it’s a point of pride that made you deny his help, but it was too late to turn back now.

even through the carpeted flooring, you hear his footsteps following from behind you. 

“i guess you’re my new neighbor. if i-“ he pauses, clearing his throat as you both reach the two units on the farthest end of the hallway. you’re both standing in front of your respective front doors, bodies turned to face each other’s. “if i had known someone new was moving in, i would have prepared some sort of gift- like a housewarming gift. but i was away for a few days and-”

“it’s fine, minghao.” you cut him off with a weak smile, shaking your head. “i’ve barely moved in so you haven’t reached the limit of no-housewarming-gift-rudeness.”

you say it blankly, without much trace of emotion, but he still lets out a quiet, dry chuckle. minghao briefly looks down at his feet before looking back up at you. “do you drink tea?”

“um, i-” you tilt your head to the side, confused at the suddenness of the question.

“you should. it’s good for you.”

“i’ll keep that in mind. thanks.” you nod, placing your bags down so you could unlock your door. you turn the doorknob and just as you are about to cross the threshold, you speak out. “it would be great if you could respond to my email, by the way. not that i’m rushing you or anything, it’s just that jun and the rest of the team are waiting.”

“i didn’t receive any email from you.” minghao furrows his brows, a look of pure confusion plastered on his features. “and i check my emails almost every hour, even when i was away these past few days.”

you take a step back, both in shock and slight resentment. “i definitely sent you one.”

“i promise you i did not receive one, yn.”

a string of annoyance within you just snaps when he says your name. whatever disdain you thought you could push down since you’re not exactly in a working environment starts bubbling up from the pit of your stomach. no, you’re sure you sent that email. you even distinctly remember sending a follow up just this morning.

you gently drop the rest of your bags and feel around your pockets for your phone. taking the few steps it takes to walk towards him, you open your email app and scroll through your inbox to find the ones you’ve sent him.    

“look.”

you hand him your phone and you watch as his lips purse and his eyes move back and forth. after a minute of tense silence, he finally hands you your phone back.

“you misspelled my name in my email address.” 

minghao tries his best to inform you of your mistake as gently and as calmly as he can, keeping in mind how exhausted you already seem to me. however, it doesn’t quite register with you as all you wanted in that moment was the ground to come up and swallow you whole.

it takes everything in you to not run towards your apartment and drop the conversation entirely. your knees buckle as you eventually speak, “oh my, i- i’m so sorry.”

“it’s fine.” minghao raises both his hands. “an honest mistake, really.”

“i’ll send it as soon as i get inside.” you quickly turn on your heel and walk back towards your apartment. “sorry again, i’ll see you around.” 

“i’m sure i can get back to you quickly.” minghao’s voice stops you in your tracks just before you’re about to fully enter and leave his line of sight. “i trust your judgement.”

your eyes narrow, trying to decide if he truly means his words or just trying to make you feel better. if it was the latter, you don’t have it in you to protest from all the embarrassment that’s currently surging through body. instead, your lips simply press into a thin line.

“i’ll be waiting then. good night, yn.”

“good night.”

you enter your apartment and rest your back on the front door the second you close it. letting out another heavy breath, you can’t help but wonder what the rest of your days would look like with minghao as your neighbor.   

from reese, with love <3

ooooh- this one was a lot... genuinely, i did not expect this part to be this long.... but i hope you don't mind,,,,, but anyway- the neighbors arc officially begins and if you can't tell this is quite a slow burn.. i'd love to know what you think :> i appreciate all the asks/rbs/replies and it genuinely keeps my spirits up while writing! thank you for reading, i hope you are doing well and taking care !

[basimdasasonst]

tos spock: logic may be a philosophical path that i have dedicated much of my life to the path of -- as far as considering and almost completing kolinahr -- but it does not make me all that i am. i am a person outside of my physicalities, with wants, needs, and other such things that i can allow myself through the cracks of my teachings

snw spock: did u know im a vulcan. only half tho ... raagaghaahhah ... (meek noises of protest against his humanity)

no. but seriously. on that ... thing of an snw s3 recap: others have divested much more time and energy into talking about vulcan philosophy vs biology (and there's a plethora of very good takes about it if you do only the most minor of searching) so i won't harp on the matter, but i want to step back and observe the writing and characterisation beyond the colossal fuck up that is -- well, their disintegration of vulcan culture/complexities.

[i'll -- try to keep this brief but no promises. i did spend 2000 words ranting about how badly they did spock so, brevity thy name is not basimdasas]

let me just. let's just pretend we can get over the fact they mixed biology with philosophy. let's just let that slide for a second. why -- and i cannot stress this enough -- the fuck do (pike, uhura, la'an, chapel -- i'll call them fake vulcans for my own sake) the fake vulcans talk the fucking same ... ? moreover -- why are they the same person -- logical. Purely Wholey Logical (trademark). if you transcribed the text of the 5 minute episode we were given and took out the dialogue tags -- they're. they're all the same person. you cannot tell who's talking, maybe through context clues. Guys. (shakes the writers really hard, enough to give an adult shaken baby syndrome) VULCANS HAVE PERSONALITIES TOO. i've felt a small undercurrent of this in the previous seasons but it feels directly amplified to me now -- spock's "humanity" is -- is his personality. They're making his personality his humanity. dude.

let me put it this way: you put two nihilists in a room. they've grown up in different ways, in different places, and were introduced to nihilism by their parents who also believed and practised in the philosophy. you let them talk. they're going to disagree, they might even get angry at the other. they'll agree. if there is something inherently correct that they can both acknowledge, they will have different viewpoints of tackling the concept -- based not just on the objective teachings, but the environment they grew up in, their communities, their parents, and their own personal traits. now let's take them out of the box. you compare the two at a distance: one likes grape smoothies, the other likes peach. one is a morning person, one is not. one is a competitive swimmer. one works in an office. they both find relative comfort from their jobs, even if in different ways. they are both nihilists. yet, inextricably, they are different in many ways.

ONLY VULCANS WHO HAVE UNDERGONE KOLINAHR WOULD LACK EMOTIONS. VULCANS STILL HAVE EMOTIONS THEY JUST TAMP THEM DOWN.

ok. calm. i'm drawing a tad on my experience as a trans man with gender here, but there are some things about us that are fundamental to our being that we are inherently drawn to for various reasons, i believe. i mean, that's what personality is, in a severe nutshell. that's why we have assholes who continue to be assholes (garner pleasure from it, usually). people who continue to let themselves get stepped over (never learned to stand up for themselves, environmental factor, or is afraid, or what have you). people who learn from their mistakes (ambition, or an intense desire for personal growth. where does this desire come from? changes per person. it's never the same). people who don't. kind people. mean people. we can change our personalities (with heavy work), but they are as much a product of emotion as they are environment, personal wants, personal needs, etc. everyone is built different (lol, but literally) -- and there really are truly some things we cannot just -- purge, by a point. example: i know in my heart that i am not a woman. i gravitate towards anger. i have never been good at history, no matter the angle i tackle it from. there will never be a day where i read the fine print of a legal document. i could become good at history, i am fixing my anger, but i will always naturally gravitate right where i want to be, and right where i need to be. i will always understand numbers better than words, because that's -- just how my brain works. my memory might always be a little wonky. this is all ok. fuck, it might not be logical that i'm so utterly useless at history, and sure i can work to change it, but i will always find myself more comfortable and more at ease in physics with the same amount of work. the logical thing from there is to just accept my weaknesses and move with my strengths. see where i'm going with this? and sure, i can definitely change most of my personality, but it's hard. sometimes that effort is good sometimes it's not. we have natural tendencies. we have different wants, different needs. and by the universe do we not all share the same body -- we will amble around in our flesh suits differently. my gait will be different than yours; it is no less of a walk.

anyway. tangent aside. short story -- we gravitate to things. that's natural. that's logical. diversity of a species is logical -- especially for society.

now, vulcans, in my heart of hearts, are definitely more subtle about these things because, you know, surak, but. if every vulcan was the same and had the same inherent -- wants, needs, interests, subdued emotions, way of headbutting logic -- then you have a society of mirrors. snw is trying to make vulcan society a society of mirrors.

pike is caring. la'an is quiet, strict, efficent. uhura, also, is caring but in a different way to pike. chapel is enthusiastic. by embracing suraks teachings and (magically, mysteriously) acting in accordance to them fully, they are effectively tamping down their greater feelings. not completely ridding of them. despite the fact that vulcan!pike would logically find no sense in compassion, he would also find no sense in cruelty. he is, to his heart, a compassionate person because he has made himself one. one philosophical revelation wouldn't remove decades of that. sure, he might tamp it down, but he'd still be more compassionate than anything else. he would not be cruel for logic's sake -- even if, yes, there's only "4.5 vulcans", logically -- he wouldn't say that. he wouldn't fucking say that because he is kind hearted and though it's true, it would feel "illogical to point out" -- he is good with people. has been for the duration of the show, and probably a good majority before that. he'd understand the emotions of others regardless, he's very perceptive. he'd see spock flinch at "a half". he'd roundabout it in that way that tos spock loved to do -- talk in half truths. "5 people to beam down" is not wrong. it is imprecise but not wrong. (bones voice) goddammit, they're not all the same damn stereotypical rude vulcan asshole. i haven't read surak's teachings but i severely doubt he said, at any point: "harp on an unnecessary fact to be a total douchebag as often as vulcanely possible".

this goes for everyone too -- la'an is more the silent efficent type. why would she feel the need to say ... much of anything to the effect? spock knows he's half vulcan. everyone does. what the fuck does it bring to the table to reiterate it? nothing.

you're doing the jj abrams special: creating conflict where they should be none, and ignoring a greater place to create conflict. seriously, even if i do believe the whole thing about genetics that chapel does (WHICH! BY THE WAY! THIS IS THE FIRST TIME IT'S BEEN MENTIONED/PLOT RELEVANT SINCE 1X01!) why is spock not, instead, helping them regulate their emotions? why are they not like pre-reform vulcans? why not use this to help us stir a bit in spock's head instead of using an out that isn't "making spock the butt of the joke". why can't he show vulcan!kindness as he's so often showing in tos. mf let me into that writers room i just want to talk i ju-

also, the dialogue was super cringy. sorry, it was. i say this as a writer who has written super cringy dialogue before and occasionally does so now. it was cringy. i've written better at the age of 12 in the margins of my maths notebook while bored out of my mind. some of these lines made me tense up. misplaced, or corny, or so severely out of character that it gave me a genuine headache by minute 2 of 5, or what have you: t'was cringy. so so so bad.

i -- selfishly, almost -- hope that it's not too late to go back and fix it, but since filming has long wrapped up -- well. it's probably a moot point, but i'm deeply annoyed. again, i really want to like snw, but everything "spock" (and, by extension, vulcan) has been butchered so badly that watching the show is rather like reading a fic you really like with one tag that just ruins the whole thing. like you'll stick it out, but begrudgingly, and not with a lot of joy in your heart because of -- i don't know, some weirdly prevalent "daddy kink".

tl;dr -- we are not just a product of the objective teachings of our beliefs, and vulcans are not only reflections of surak's teachings.

snw writers: please kick jj abrams out of your writing room. he's not doing you any favours

[our-magical-world]

Questions for MHA shifters

My Hero Academia is one of my main DRs and I always enjoy reading / listening to MHA shifters talk about their experiences there, it gives me so much motivation and it's usually super interesting.

So I thought about some questions I'd like to ask experienced shifters about their MHA DRs. Just random things I'm curious about. If you've shifted there and would like to answer (just for fun, feel free to skip any questions you're not comfortable with!) please reblog with your answers, or make a new post and tag me so I can read it. (You can also answer if you haven't shifted, based on your script and ideas, just let us know at the beginning).

1- First, are you a student or a pro hero / teacher / adult?

2- Mandatory question: What's your quirk?? Do you have any special moves?

3- Are you related to any canon characters? (as family or previous relationships like childhood friends, rivals...)

4- Any non-canon characters we haven't seen in the series who are part of your life? (like siblings, scripting your CR friends in there, or having children in your DR)

5- Do you have a crush? Are you in a relationship? or even better, love triangles? relationship drama? I want the tea (only if you're comfortable with sharing, of course!)

6- Did you make any changes to canon? (if you changed too many things, you can just mention a few interesting ones that made your experience very different from canon)

7- Did you script anything or make any changes to canon that didn't turn out as you expected? (as in what seemed like a small change turned out to change the story drastically)

8- Did you meet (or fight) the villains? How was it?

9- Is All Might as impressive as they say in person? (if you met him in muscle form)

For students:

10- Who are your best friends?

11- Did you replace anyone in class 1-A? (or B?) I've seen many people do this so the number of students stays even. Who did you script out?

12- Did you script Mineta out? Or change his personality? If you didn't, did you have any problems with him (especially if you're a girl)? Anyone (else) you scripted out or changed drastically?

13- I've seen way too many shifters say that Momo tends to start drama for no reason in their DRs and I'm a little concerned... was she like that in your DR?

14- What's your daily schedule at UA? Did you script your own schedule/timetable? Any subjects you love or hate?

15- Has anyone seen Bakugo's room or Tsuyu's room? They're the only ones that weren't shown in the series (Mineta's was described in the light novel), I'm curious to know how they decorated them!

For shifters who aren't students anymore:

16- Are you a pro hero? A teacher? A civilian? A villain?

17- What's your daily life like?

18- Who do you work with? Do you have your own agency? Sidekicks?Any interesting team-ups with other heroes?

19- Anything we should know about hero work?

Bonus: 20- Any embarrassing moments to confess? (you can do it anonymously if you want!)

21- Free spot: That's all I can think of right now, but feel free to include anything you want to share! You can also submit your own questions for other shifters and I'll add them to the post or create a new one.

THANKS!!

[space-mermaid-writing]

Consort and King [IronStrange]

Summary: Anthony Stark, King of Midgard, needs a spouse. Whether he wants one or not. So he accepts an arranged marriage with the Prince of Kamar-Taj – a man he has never met in his life to the day they are standing in front of each other at the altar, speaking their vows. Is it possible that the feeling of duty grows into something more? Will their future be happy?

Relationship: Tony Stark / Stephen Strange

Tags: arranged marriage au, royal au, strangers to husbands, enemies to lovers, slow burn, idiots in love, fluff, hurt/comfort, miscommunication, all the good stuff

Author's note: It wouldn't be a royal au without a ball. Asgard knows how to throw a party. Everyone say Hi to Loki Beta by @kvjjjjjj

Ko-fi | Read it on AO3 | Series Masterlist | Word count: 2.1k | Previous | Next

Chapter 9: Summer solstice

They received an invitation to a ball in Asgard. It happened that this year’s summer solstice fell on the same day as Queen Frigga’s birthday and she invited the leaders of all realms to attend the feast.

It was Tony and Stephen's first appearance as a married couple outside their own realm.

On the afternoon of the ball, Stephen opened a portal to the Asgardian palace. He and Tony stepped through, followed by some servants, who carried their luggage.

Although Stephen could easily portal them back home at the end of the night, they had decided to accept the extended invitation of the royal family and stay a day longer.

The ball didn’t start until the night. For now, primarily the guests were arriving – the couple spotted familiar and new faces among them – and getting assigned to their rooms. The hosts would not officially welcome them until later.

Tony and Stephen decided to take a little stroll through the gardens before getting dressed for the ball.

The palace's staff was busy with the final preparations. There was an excited buzz in the air. It was quieter in the garden. People had other things to do and so the two seemed to be the only guests out here.

They made their way past the white orchids, marveling at the looming trees that naturally bent to form an archway, leading them up the stone path. Sunlight peaked through the leaves, creating a shifting pattern under their feet.

To their left lay a fountain at the heart of the garden, water flowing gracefully from its sculpted tiers, creating a soothing symphony of splashes and ripples. At its base, the gentle spray caught the light, casting shimmering reflections on the surrounding feverfew flowers.

As they crossed the black calla lilies, Stephen pondered how they would look in the night. The Asgardian gardens were truly an experience in wondrous exploration.

“It’s funny that we hadn’t met before our wedding,” Tony mentioned and picked up a prior conversation they had had. “Even though we both have been attending Asgardian events before.”

“I have been here more often after my accident to study Seidr. It helped me understand the Mystic Arts better.”

Tony had learned that Asgard had its own kind of magic. Each of the realms actually differed in their magic. Tony had never thought about it before.

"I’ve been here on more occasions as a child with my father. He and Odin were close allies." Asgard and Midgard continued to be allied under Tony's rule, but he didn't see the need to come here as much as his father did. Tony was only moderately a fan of Odin himself. Frigga on the other hand was lovely; and he preferred talking to her.

Thor had been a friend of his since their childhood. They had fought together, laughed together, lost together.

Tony’s relationship to the second prince, Loki, on the other hand was more complicated. They had gotten off on the wrong foot the first time the two met and Tony still kinda held a grudge. Of course they had grown more mature over the years; these days he just tried to avoid Loki.

“Last time I was here solely for entertainment was the Winter Masquerade a few years ago.”

Stephen stopped and looked at him. “The one where Thor and his friend set loose the Wolpertingers in the ballroom?”

Tony turned towards him, tilting his head. “Yes.”

It had been a stupid prank, and he suspected that Loki also had a hand in it. The little animals, some kind of rabbit with wings, antlers, a tail, and fangs, were harmless, but they had caused a lot of chaos.

“I was there as well.”

“You were? Huh.” With the event being a masquerade ball, Tony hadn’t recognized a lot of people. “So maybe we have met before and just don’t know it.”

“Maybe.” Stephen looked at some of the flowers. The palace’s garden was famous for its beauty. Everyone knew the credit went to Queen Frigga, who saw personally to it.

It was weird that no one else was here. That was unusual since guests, who had already arrived, usually had nothing better to do than stroll around and marvel at the host’s palace.

Perhaps Stephen and Tony had inadvertently entered a restricted area.

Tony seemed to think something similar and in a silent agreement they strolled back towards the palace.

As they got closer, they saw Prince Loki descending the stairs from the palace to the garden. He had spotted the two Midgardians and was walking towards them, grinning broadly.

“Oh, how joyful,” Tony muttered dryly. He put on a neutral face. This was an event in the honor of Queen Frigga and he would play nice. For now.

But when he went ahead to approach Loki, Stephen grabbed his arm and held him back.

“Wait?”

Frowning, Tony looked at his husband. “What is it?”

Stephen stared intensely at the Asgardian Prince; watching him as if he were analyzing him. “Give me a second. I have to check something.”

Without another explanation, Stephen strode past him towards Loki.

Loki was now within talking range and had his arms outstretched in a welcome gesture. “I heard you arrived but I had to see it with my-…”

He didn't get any further, because with his first step forward Stephen had created a small mandala disc between his fingers and with his next step he threw it straight at the prince.

Loki looked surprised but was slow to react; the sharp edges of the magic disc sunk into his chest, before he was able to dodge it.

Loki looked down in surprise. Blood was seeping through his tunic.

“What the hell?” Tony yelled, following after his husband. “What are you doing?” He couldn’t believe what he was witnessing.

Stephen was just standing there, watching Loki’s body collapse onto the ground; without any remorse.

His voice had attracted the attention of a guard, who must have been patrolling somewhere in the garden nearby.

“Your Highness!” As soon as he spotted the prince on the ground, he pointed his spear at the two Midgardians.

Tony instinctively reached for the short sword he wore on his belt – it was just for representative decorative purposes, but it had to suffice for defense – and moved between his husband and the guard’s weapon. Stephen made no move to defend himself and for a moment there, Tony wondered if all of this had been an ulterior motive of the sorcerer.

But then Stephen finally spoke up. “Nice show, your Highness.” He addressed the guard.

At this point Tony was pretty sure Stephen had lost his mind. But then a golden-green shimmer went over the dead body and the guard, and both of them vanished.

“Thank you,” said a smooth voice behind them. As they turned around, Loki stepped out from between some bushes. “Did you like my death? Very authentic, not too dramatic.”

“Yes, that almost had me doubting,” Stephen admitted. “But you made a mistake with the setting. By the lack of people in the garden we’re clearly not supposed to be here. Yet you added a guard who rushed to your aid and thus had to stand nearby, while they still allowed us to wander around in this restricted area.”

“You always had an eye for details.” Loki was rather amused than offended, that his ruse had been seen through. Then, he finally turned to Tony, who had listened to their banter irritated as well as irked.

“King Stark. How joyful to see you again.”

Immediately, Tony no longer felt guilty because Loki had clearly listened in on their conversation. He resisted the urge to use his own sword after all and put it back in his belt.

“If you're also in charge of the night’s entertainment, it promises to be an eventful ball.”

“This night is all about my mother. I merely wanted to greet you two.”

“You shouldn’t have.” For real. Tony could have gone without that almost heart attack.

Without commenting on that, Loki looked back to Stephen. “I recently visited Kamar-Taj but it was rather boring without you being there.”

“I’m sure you bothered other sorcerer’s just as fine.”

Maybe Tony was just imagining it, but Stephen’s voice was almost fond. He wasn’t sure he liked it.

“They weren’t as fun as you.”

“Well, this was…something. But surely you’re still busy with the preparation for the feast,” Tony interrupted whatever this was they had going on. “We don’t want to keep you from your responsibilities.”

Fortunately, Loki took the hint. “That’s very considerate of you, King Stark.” His voice dripped with sarcasm and he eyed Tony from head to toe. Like always, he was rubbing Tony all the wrong ways. “You’re not wrong: there’s still a lot to do. I will see you later at the ball.” He saw them off with a bow. "King Stark. Consort Strange."

With a last wink and still a grin on his face, he finally left.

Tony let out a breath he didn’t realize he had held the entire time.

Then he turned towards Stephen and tipped his finger on his chest, his anger rising again. “Next time you kill a prince, warn a guy!”

His husband seemed surprised by his strong reaction, since Loki’s life had never been in danger. “If the illusion had really been him, he would have fended off my spell with ease.”

“How would I know?”

Stephen realized his mistake. “I apologize. I never wanted to worry you.” He remembered Tony’s reaction to the illusion of the prince’s death – defending his husband from the guard – and he smiled. “I’m flattered you would back me up anyway if I were to kill a prince.”

Tony didn't feel like laughing. The adrenaline was only just disappearing from his body, but he still felt on edge. “Do you think this is funny?”

“Again, I’m sorry.” Stephen reached for Tony's hand and placed it on his own chest. “Loki is... particular. He probably would have done worse if his illusion had reached us."

Tony could imagine that. That was why he didn’t like the trickster. “Still. Just… don’t do this again. Ever.”

“I promise.”

“Okay, good.” Tony accepted it for now, not wanting to carry his sour mood into the rest of the evening. They were here to celebrate. “They do have drinks here somewhere, right? I think I need one.”

Not letting go of Stephen's hand, he moved to go back inside the palace.

_________________

Finally, it was time to get changed for the ball. Tony displayed his family colors of red and gold, while Stephen stayed with blue. But he had added a red accent in the form of a cloak Tony had gifted him for this very event.

“It suits you,” the king stated, looking at his husband fondly. His previous anger was forgotten. He stepped closer to him and helped him fasten the cloak at the front. There were two brooches, mirrored in shape. One showed the Stark’s emblem, the other one Strange’s. “My colors look good on you.”

“Yeah?” Stephen was blushing a bit at the simple gesture and the compliment.

“Yes.” Tony fixed his husband’s hair – not that it was of any use. By now he knew that there was one strand in the front that refused to cooperate. So it was really just an excuse to get his finger into that soft hair.

Stephen wore the silver circlet of a prince, while on Tony’s head rested one of his crowns. Nothing too fancy but perfect for a night of drinking and dancing.

On the day of his coronation, Stephen would also receive a golden crown to prove that he was Tony’s equal.

“We should start looking for designs soon,” he muttered, more of a reminder for himself than for the sorcerer to hear.

“Oh?” Stephen tilted his head. “Don’t I get the same crown as you?”

“I mean, you can if you want to. But I had something in mind that was a little more… you.” He turned Stephen and himself to the side, drawing his husband's attention to the mirror on the wall, which showed both of them together.

It was unusual for them to see themselves standing so close to each other – at least from the outside point of view– both in their gala uniforms, adorned with jewelry and crowns. Stephen was a little taller, but Tony made up for it with his charm and demeanor.

Stephen liked what he saw. “I’d like that.” He smiled and Tony mirrored it.

“I will call the goldsmith first thing when we’re back home.”

The sorcerer nodded, but paused when he realized that when hearing ‘home’ he thought about the Stark’s palace and really meant it. It had been the first image that had come to his mind. Not Kamar-Taj.

He had finally arrived in Midgard. Not only with his life but also with his mind.

His eyes met Tony’s in the mirror.

And maybe with his heart.

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