#and b) even if you are right. you need things other than calories in your food to survive

[beeseverywhen]

Why the fuck don't people like celery

I'm a firm believer in letting people do what they're gonna do. If one person doesn't like a food what does it matter, there'll be ten others that do

But I will defend celery till the day I die

I feel like my whole life there's just been all these people hating on celery. And they act like it has no redeemable qualities and frankly, are all alarmingly wrong

I will die on this hill. Celery is delicious. If you don't like it, you should dislike it quietly because frankly, you're the weirdo not everyone else. It is refreshing and crunchy and wonderful. I'm sorry you don't like it, you're truly missing out, but that's on you not celery

[rnakamura22]

Yandere Azul x Reader

Prefect is Female! Her name is Yu! I read about possessive Azul and I did the best I could...

Ah, the one and only Azul Ashengrotto...We all know how much of a stoic person he is and how he works hard everyday(some shady methods...Don't tell him I said that).

He never wants to go back to his former self when he was bullied, and he sets high demands for... almost every aspect including, Mostro Lounge, Academics, and being in great shape controlling his daily calories. (Not much for Flying on Brooms, but let's get that out of the way)

Ever since the incident with Ramshackle Dorm, Yu has definitely left QUITE an impression on Azul, no doubt. Whoever thought a tiny shrimp like you could go out of his tentacles and act up?

And even though you are from another world, you work hard to survive every day in NRC, which is something Azul can relate and admire you for that. Looking at you everyday in school, Azul MAY have looked at you for a minute too long, which is teased by Jade and Floyd like forever.

Azul is DEFINITELY the first to found out your little secret of being the only girl in an all boys school. WELL, WELL!! And the  two first years who always hung by you didn't have a clue!! Azul may have gotten the most valuable information for him.

He politely negotiates with you (AKA THREATENS you ). If you don't want to let the whole school know that you're a girl, go out with him.

Yu is baffled at first. But Azul promises that if you go out with him, (He stated "A chance to experience how dating is in the upper world, you can never miss a chance to learn something new right?") he will provide you with all needs such as fixing up the ramshackle dorm, puberty related merchandise, and so on. You reluctantly agreed.

Azul is not a bad boyfriend. Yes, he can be timid at times, he's shy! But he escorts you like a gentleman, give study advice for FREE!, and takes you out eating on Mostro Lounge, and so much more.

But you've come to realize that he is VERY possessive. I mean, from his schedule, you should've realized that sooner. He has the same demands for you, to be perfect in every way, and yet has the original YU. He is very good at giving punishment, and treating you so SICKENGLY sweet.

Take food for example. You are allowed to eat what Azul himself cooks or the menu he suggests. Eating other things?

Expect a good grip of his tentacles around you to choke out the BAD substance that might contaminate you.

Oh, not telling where you will be because you were too busy partying with the first years? Prepare yourself for a two day (or more) locking up of the hotel rooms in Mostro Lounge where absolute Hell begins.

Falling behind on your curriculums? Better prepare your ears because Azul can be HARSH when it comes to insulting you and making you feel like less than garbage. But these insults always come with a warm hug and patting on your head, and the final magic word.

"I'm doing this for you."

It's true that Azul doesn't have a good knowledge about dating in the upper world. But he truly believes he's doing this for you. By controlling every part of your life, in his mind, he is slowly becoming the only content that creates your life. Who needs others when you got only him? He can teach you everything, treat you like a princess, and punish you when you got out of line. He truly loves you. You were the light of his life.

Azul also HATES other people talking to you. Who gave them permission to talk to HIS little mermaid? When even one person talks to you, the person will see your neck covered in octopus tentacle marks. And let's just say that person will get a good payback from Azul.

He is already planning for the future by thinking about which building to buy for him and Yu. I mean, you've got nowhere to go, so might as well marry him! It's the one and only option right? He also daydreams about you becoming a mermaid, so both of you can live in his home under the sea. Just how dreamy your color of fin will be? Oh, how his fantasies just continue to grow. Oh, did I mention it's already been decided by Azul that you're ditching your legs for fins? Azul, a man full of surprises.

Oh, you insist on breaking up with him because he will graduate a year faster than you? No biggie! He already set up his supplies for you so you won't have to worry about after his graduation from NRC. And have you forgotten the contract between you and him? It may have been a marriage contract that have been written in the language you never learned... and Azul may have done a few stunts that builds your own certificate for family records but only active because you married with Azul. If you divorce him, you were left with no place to go.

Overall, Azul is a possessive yandere. If he falls in love, he will make sure you never go away from him. After all, like the Sea Witch he admires, he is very merciful. And if he can't rescue and protect one little mermaid, it would rub dirt on his name right? You are safe and sound as long as you're with him! As safe as being trapped in a cave by the name of love forever ...

[warmaidensrevenge]

Always seen you.

Pairing: Eddie x insecure Fem!plus size reader

If you want to read my other work you can find it HERE

A/N: This just came to me. Just a mini series. I just smashed through all the Rocky movies and I was inspired. So just a warning I used a couple scenes. I was thinking about how badly I wish Eddie Munson was real. So here goes nothing. Thanks for reading. As always feedback is greatly appreciated. Kay love ya bye.

Warnings: language, body insecurities, secret pining, angst, slow burn, eventually smut in later parts. Not proof read and no word count.

Summary: The boy of your dreams is always just out of reach. If only you could get over yourself to see that he sees you too.

Part 1

💚🖤

There were so many words to describe Eddie Munson. Strange, creepy, zany, peculiar, dramatic, outspoken, eccentric, unusual...freak. But to you, the word that described him best was fascinating. He is captivating in every sense of the word. Beautiful with a capital B.

The liking you had for Eddie was something just short of love. But you never spoke to him or even tried for that matter. Worshiping him from afar was all you really did.

Sure you had some classes together when you were younger. But that was as close to Eddie Munson you've ever gotten.

Eddie was 19 going on 20 repeating his senior year for the third time. You just turned 18 and skipped a couple of grades throughout the years. That's how you caught up to him.

Eddie and you ran in complete opposite circles. Him, being the king of the freaks. You, a shy nerdy girl apart of the school's top academic crew. You were in the National Honor Society. So naturally you were in the debate club, physics club, and math club (So a big nerd)

In high school the shared classes were not a thing anymore. All the classes you attended were AP. So all hope to see Eddie in one of your classes was gone.

This year was your senior year. Wanting one class to just be something other than hard work, you signed up for theater. You loved the idea of it on your college applications. That was the only reason your parents approved of it.

Your parents were overbearing, controlling, and incredibly strict. You hated it. They controlled everything in your life. Everything from what classes you took down to what you wore and what you ate.

See you were a very plump girl. You kind of always were. Years of meal prepping and calorie counting didn't change a thing. Your parents even suggested you get surgery for it. But your older brother always fought for you. Saying you were perfect the way you were. So after a while your parents stopped suggesting it. But still made sly comments now and again. Saying how hard it was finding clothes that fit you. Or saying no one would ever want to marry a large girl like you.

You would be lying if you said you didn't think about all those things too. Every day you said hurtful things to yourself.

People at school didn't help with it either. The only difference between them and your folks was that you thought your parents were just looking out for you. Even with the hurtful things they said. They still loved you. Right?

You were bullied constantly about it. Though you tried to ignore it, it still hurt you.

So why on earth would Eddie Munson, the most handsome guy in all of Hawkins even look your way? You had never seen him with anyone. But you never missed the way he looked at the cheerleaders. Parading around in those short skirts and tight sweaters.

You had honestly cried a lot wishing so badly for him to look at you like that. But he never did. Not once had he noticed you or said a word. That was until the very first day of school.

You went to your classes as usual. Getting arms full of work already. You looked forward to the class after lunch. Theater. Needing the class to just relax.

You were running late because you forgot to put your books up. Imagine your surprise when you walked in as soon as the bell rang and saw only one empty seat in the back. All the blood drained out of your face and it felt like you couldn't breath.

Eddie.

You stood there in utter shock. The only seat available was the one right next to Eddie Munson. Of course it was open. No one wanted to sit next to the leader of a cult. Which you knew that was just stupid.

You didn't know he took theater. Of course he would. He was always so theatrical. Obviously he would put it to good use.

Mrs. Adler cleared her throat and looked at you over her readers. You swallowed and started for the seat.

You were almost there when someone pushed their book bag in front of you. Cause you to trip. You landed hard and completely wrong. You were sure your ankle was twisted and you sprained your wrist. You really didn't have time to process what actually happened. All you really heard was laughing. But all of a sudden someone was helping you up.

"Shit! Are you okay?"

That voice that always sounded like music whenever you heard it. Was now filled with concern.

You couldn't look at him. You knew if you did, you might just pass out from the sheer closeness.

A small yes that was barely audible came from you. Now fully aware of where exactly his hands were you started to sweat.

A strong hand on your thick bicep and the other holding your hand. You quickly pulled yourself away and sat down. You couldn't focus at all. You could hear Mrs Adler trying to calm the class. But everything else was a blur.

Once the adrenaline wore off, you started to feel the pain. Which now was accompanied by anxiety. You could feel Eddie staring at you. You wanted to tell him to stop. But then again he never looked at you before. Let alone touch you.

The whole class was so awkward. You kept feeling Eddie looking at you. And you couldn't write anything down. Your wrist hurt like hell.

You kept massaging it and tried to stretch. But nothing helped. In the middle of class Eddie slid a note on your desk.

Your eyes bugged out. You glanced at him and he looked so worried. You looked back down at the note. Your heart was racing and you felt so hot.

You held your breath and opened the note. It was almost illegible.

' I think you should go to the infirmary.'

You didn't look back at him. Afraid to catch those big brown hues that made you melt. Instead you raised your hand and asked to go.

When you tried to stand up and go you almost fell again. Yup you landed really bad.

In the blink of an eye Eddie had you in his arms.

" Uhh Mrs. Adler. I don't think she can walk there on her own."

You were gonna protest. But Mrs. Adler smiled and waved for you guys to go. Eddie tossed your backpack over his shoulder. Never letting you go.

The walk to the nurse's office was quiet besides your little whimpers that escaped with every step. The only thing going through your mind was how Eddie held you. Like...he cared. It was weird. You felt like if he could, he would have carried you.

He was holding you so close that he practically was. His grip on you was solid. He was solid. His long arm wrapped around your waist. Thick long fingers dug into your side rolls. You wished that the fat would magically disappear. But there was no such thing as magic was there.

Once in the nursing office Eddie helped you sit on the table and sat in a chair across from you. Putting your backpack on the ground. You still couldn't bring yourself to look at him.

" Umm thank you." You said just above a whisper.

"Anytime."

That's when you made the mistake by looking at him. He had this sweet smile that made all his laugh lines show. You pressed your lips and looked away. You felt the blush creep up to your cheeks and your heart decided to go insane. You could feel the beating in your throat.

You hated this. The effect he had on you. You could cry at all the emotions you were feeling. You actually felt the prickle of tears coming.

Eddie cleared his throat and was about to say something but the nurse walked in.

" Mr Munson. Umm you can go back to class. I'll take it from here. "

" Uhh yeah...okay." He stood up and went to the door. " Take care of her doc....Later y/n."

Your heart stopped and you just died.

Eddie Munson knows my name.

...

"See if you weren't so damn heavy it wouldn't have been so bad!" Your dad scolded you.

" I don't care how much it hurts. You are still going to school tomorrow." Your mother barked

You had just left the doctor's office when your parents started to berate you.

Happy that nothing was broken. You really weren't paying attention to the continuous put downs they were spouting. You just looked out of the car's window. Thinking about all that transpired with Eddie. His warm touch, his muscles flexing while he held you, his deep seductive voice saying your name.

Man you had it bad for the poor guy.

Too bad I'm not someone he would want.

You felt tears again. Quickly wiping them away as a few fell so your parents wouldn't see it. Not giving them another thing to scold you about.

That night you started on your homework. Your hand was hurting pretty bad. You took Tylenol and quickly got to work. Again your thoughts were bombarded with Eddie. Honestly it was silly. You didn't want to think about that beautiful boy. Or his stupid smile, or his stupid big dumb brown eyes, or his stupid but very kissable neck.

The phone ringing brought you back down to earth. You quickly answered it. Happy that your parents allowed you to have your own line.

" Hello?" You said looking at the time.

It was almost nine. Who would be calling so late?

" H-Hey....umm is this y/n l/n residence?"

"Yes it is. This is her. May I ask who's calling?"

" Uhh. It's Eddie...Eddie Munson."

And just like that. All the air in your lungs was gone. Your heart dropped to your butt and stomach started doing somersaults.

" Y/n?"

Finding air again you spoke " Y-yes...umm sorry. How-"

" Yeah sorry. I asked around for your number."

WHAT?!

" O-oh."

" I uhh hope that's okay?"

" Y-yeah...is there umm something you need?"

" Well not really. I kinda just wanted to check and see how you're doing."

Why?

" I'm fine thank you. I erm really appreciate your help today."

Eddie chuckled. " No problem. I was happy to help."

You smiled but then it was silent for a while. It went on too long. You didn't know what to say. Eddie freaking Munson was on the phone. Talking to you! This was the most you've ever said to each other in like ever.

" Y/n?"

" Hmm"

" Sorry. I thought you hung up."

On you? Never.

" Oh no. I'm here....was there something else?"

" Uhh yeah sorry. Umm Mrs Adler paired us to do a scene together on Friday. She's calling it our audition for characters in the yearly play."

"Oh-okay...Did you want to switch partners or something?"

"No. Why would you say that?"

" I... I just thought...oh.. never mind."

"Hey. If you want to switch partners I can understand that. I know I'm the towns freak-"

"No!" You practically shouted. " I'm sorry. I mean no. I don't want to switch. And I...I don't think you're a freak."

You threw your head back shaking it.

Why did you say that?

" Oh so you think about me huh?"

You could almost hear his smirk.

" I-I. Well umm we do go to school together. So...yes I think about you....I mean not like a lot or anything...and-and not like at all...I mean... I-I think about you the appropriate amount of time."

SON OF A-

Eddie laughed. " Thanks sweetheart. It's nice hearing that coming from you."

" From me?"

" Yeah you know. The girl who is most likely to succeed. Hawkins pride and joy." He teased.

" Well I don't know about that."

"Oh really? Aren't you like the next Nikola Tesla?"

" You mean dying in a hotel broke and alone?"

" Uhh no....I mean like the next big inventor. Remember that clock you powered with a potato?"

You giggled. " Munson that was hardly an original invention. And that was in 5th grade"

He chuckled. " Well whatever. It was super cool."

You blushed. You couldn't believe he remembered that.

This time the silence was less awkward. Almost comforting.

" So uhh. I know we can go over this in class. But what do you think about doing a scene from a movie?" He asked.

You sat down on your bed and started twirling the cord around your finger.

" Sure. What do you have in mind?"

You heard Eddie humming. "Hmmm. How about something from The Shining or The Evil dead?"

" I haven't seen those."

"WHAT?!"

" umm Yeah."

" What about Fright Night or Gremlins, oh how about Friday the 13th?"

"No...sorry."

" Oh man. You need to be educated...a movie-cation if you will." Eddie said

" I umm okay." You said nervously.

" We'll plan for that later. So what movies do you watch?"

Though it was an innocent question you couldn't help but think about 'We'll plan for that later'

"Well you know. The usual chick flicks. Family movies. Melodramas and some action."

" Hmm okay. That doesn't help."

"S-Sorry."

" Oh no. Don't be sorry. It's just I don't watch those kinds of movies."

"So..."

" okay I have an idea. What was the last movie you watched?"

" Rocky."

" You like Rocky?"

" Yeah. It's a good underdog story."

" Yeah it is... So how about we pick a scene from that one."

" Y-yeah okay."

"Cool. Cool."

You smiled again. If Eddie kept this up you were sure to die from happiness. It was quiet again. But this time it was definitely comfortable. At least for you it was. So much so that you laid down and got under the blankets.

You guys talked about which scene would be best. You didn't want to talk a lot, so you guys decided to do the skating part. Somehow the conversation went from school work to music and movies. Eddie went on and on about all things Eddie. Half of which you kind of already knew. Being the stocker you were.

You could have stayed up all night listening to him. He was so easy to talk to. You knew he was always funny. But now he was like a comedian. You swore you never laughed so much. He started talking about his hobbies and how he was in a band. Which you knew that too. He was really something.

It was around one in the morning and you started to yawn.

" Sorry sweetheart. I've been talking your ear off."

"No that's ok Eddie. You get excited. I get it."

You heard him laugh through his nose. "Well I'll let you get some sleep. I'll see you in a little bit."

" Okay." You yawned again.

" Goodnight y/n."

" Good night Eddie.

You hung up the phone with a big ass smile. You just had the best phone call with Eddie Munson.

God I love you.

...

@salenorona23 @b-irock

[miqojak]

Can you cook? What’s your favorite thing to cook?

Munday Asks!

A very ,very boring answer: I cannot cook to save my life. I am terrible at cooking... and not for a lack of trying (well, these days I don't try anymore...lol). Not only have I got zero sense of what spices and things go well together, but I'm clumsy and forgetful (that ADHD back to haunt me in every facet of my life) - so I'm more likely to A) Hurt myself or B) Burn the shit out of whatever it is I'm trying to make. I'm not exaggerating about hurting myself, either - I actually found relief in learning that people with ADHD tend to just... be more clumsy than others - but I am extremely accident prone! I had to put baby bumper material around the edges of my desk, even, because I kept bashing my knees and toes and elbows and whatever else (breaking my toes on furniture is a thing). If there's a way to hurt myself? I'll find it. If there's not a way to hurt myself? I'll still find it - so hot fires and sharp knives are best kept about a mile away from me, frankly.

Thankfully, my partner tends to enjoy cooking, and has a much better sense for it than I do! The best I've got is like... I can cook eggs? And Pasta. If I very closely follow instructions on things that are like, 90% done for me, most of the time I can get it right - but still might overcook/undercook, or hurt myself. -.-

Fun fact, though, is that that's why I made Jak an excellent cook - at least in part! It's something that's not really part of my life, and kinda forces me out of my comfort zone, and I have to go research things if I'm going to be doing any cooking RP (thankfully she would only be cooking for/around one person, lol).

I used to be more into baking - the precision of the recipes is easier for me. It's less of an intuitive thing than cooking? But these days I don't need the extra carbs and calories, plus the post-baking clean up is annoying!

[pb1tchgalore]

when it came to restrictions and counting calories, how did you start off?

((ive been wanting to just start with 800cals max right off the bat, but idk if it should be a gradual decrease or not. i just wanna lose 30lbs minimum btwn now (Sept 10th) and Halloween but idk if that's possible 😭😭))

hi !! i fuckin love getting asks so thanks for that !

okay so , when i started around this time last year , i immediately jumped into a calorie deficit of 500 minimum a day . i'm gonna be so real , it was the hardest thing i've ever done ( still is ) . but if you work it a certain way , it should work in your favor .

with my restricting at first , i kept a 500cal budget , with no specific diet . so you know how most weight loss comes with a diet similar to keto , vegan , or high fiber ? i ate whatever i wanted as long as it was 500 or less at the end of the day .

i drunk sooo much water in a day . i don't have an exact measurement but definitely at least 3 liters . this was to make me feel fuller for longer . and it flushes you out throughout the day , like a detox .

i never ate before 2:30 . mainly because my irl thinspo is at school and i hate when she sees me even look at food .

i only ate when people were around me , or when my ma forced me to eat .

cold water + sugar free mint gum combo goes crazy

treat your calories like money . say you have $500 in you account , and you have to buy something important . during the day , you notice these things that catch your eye and you want to give in and buy as many as you want . do you ( a ) give in and buy what you want in the heat of the moment or , ( b ) save up for the important thing you need ? . the thing you need is expensive and you do not want an overdraft fee or debt , yikes .

( your body 30lbs down is the important thing btw )

other than that ? i don't remember any tips from when i first started tbh , but i do have some advice for you .

personally , losing 30 pounds in a little bit more than a month doesn't seem entirely impossible , but it does sound very difficult . i'd say to aim for 20 pounds by the middle of october , and lose however much you can until halloween .

everyone's body is different , so what worked for me might not work for you but i'm almost positive a 500cal def could make anyone lose weight lol .

k thanks byee ! < 3

[catbreedstips]

Can Cats Eat Popcorn? 9 All Facts You Must Know

 Information on the nutrition of popcorn

Popcorn is a popular snack made from dried kernels of corn that have been heated. It has a lot of fiber and few calories, which makes it a healthier snack than things like chips and candy.

The USDA National Nutrient Database says that one cup of air-popped popcorn (no butter or salt added) has about:

There are 31 calories.

It has 1 g of protein.

There are 6 grams of carbs.

It has 1 g of fiber.

Fat content of less than 1 gram.

Popcorn also has small amounts of iron, magnesium, phosphorus, and zinc, among other vitamins and minerals.

But it's important to remember that popcorn's nutritional value can change based on how it's cooked and seasoned. For example, adding butter or oil can make the food much higher in calories and fat, and adding salt can make it higher in sodium.

Can cats eat popcorn?

No, cats should not eat popcorn. Even though popcorn itself isn't dangerous for cats, the salt, butter, and other seasonings that are often added to it can be bad for their stomachs. The hard kernels can also cause them to choke or hurt their teeth and gums. It's best not to give your cat popcorn at all and instead stick to treats made just for cats.

What's good for cats to eat in popcorn

A small amount of popcorn can be a healthy treat for cats. It is good for their health because it has fiber, minerals, and some vitamins. But it's important to remember that popcorn shouldn't replace a cat's regular food. It should only be given as a treat now and then.

Some of the ways that popcorn is good for cats' health:

Fiber: Popcorn is a good source of fiber, which helps digestion and can keep you from getting constipated.

Minerals: Popcorn has minerals like magnesium, phosphorus, and potassium that are important for a cat's health and well-being as a whole.

Vitamins: Popcorn also has small amounts of vitamins like vitamins A, E, and B, which help the body do many different things.

But it's important to know that cats can't eat all kinds of popcorn. Avoid flavored kinds, especially ones that have salt, butter, or other seasonings added. The safest choice for cats is plain, air-popped popcorn.

Also, it's always a good idea to talk to a vet before adding new foods to a cat's diet. This way, you can make sure that the food fits the cat's needs and health.

Can cats get sick from eating popcorn?

Yes, popcorn can make cats sick. Popcorn is made from corn kernels, which can make some cats sick if they are allergic to corn. If a cat is allergic to popcorn, it may itch, get a rash on its skin, vomit, have diarrhea, have trouble breathing, and/or have his face and/or paws swell up. If you think your cat is allergic to popcorn or any other food, you should talk to a vet to figure out what's wrong and how to treat it.

How do you know if your cat has eaten too much popcorn?

If a cat eats too much popcorn, it might throw up, have diarrhea, get tired, lose its appetite, become dehydrated, and shake. Because it has a lot of fat, popcorn can upset a cat's stomach and could even cause pancreatitis. Also, the butter or other flavorings on popcorn can have ingredients like onion powder or garlic that are bad for cats.

If your cat shows any of these signs after eating popcorn, you should take them to the vet right away.

Can cats get sick from eating popcorn?

Yes, popcorn can make cats sick when they eat it. Cats have a hard time digesting popcorn kernels, which can make them throw up, have diarrhea, or have trouble going to the bathroom. Also, many kinds of popcorn have salt, butter, or other seasonings added that cats shouldn't eat. If you want to avoid digestive problems, it's best not to feed your cat popcorn. Instead, stick to their regular food.

How much popcorn is safe for cats to eat?

Cats shouldn't eat popcorn on a regular basis because it has little to no nutritional value and can cause health problems like weight gain, digestive issues, and choking. Cats may eat small amounts of plain, air-popped popcorn without any seasonings or salt by accident, but this is not something you should encourage. It is always best to stick with a vet-recommended diet that is well-balanced in terms of nutrition.

If a cat eats too much popcorn, what will happen?

If a cat eats too much popcorn, it could cause stomach problems like vomiting, diarrhea, and pain in the stomach. Also, some kinds of popcorn may have ingredients like butter or salt that are bad for cats. To avoid health problems, it's best not to give cats popcorn at all and just stick to their regular food.

If you think your cat has eaten a lot of popcorn or is acting sick, you should call a vet for advice.

Are cats able to eat popcorn?

Yes, cats can have a small amount of popcorn as a treat now and then. Buttered or flavored popcorn can contain harmful ingredients like salt, oil, and artificial flavorings that can upset a cat's stomach or cause health problems in the long run. Plain, air-popped popcorn is the best choice for cats.

Also, before you give your cat any human food, you should check with your vet to make sure it's safe and meets your cat's specific nutritional needs.

How to Stop Your Cat from Eating Popcorn?

Here are some things you can do to keep your cat from eating popcorn:

Put the popcorn somewhere your cat can't get to easily, like on a high shelf or in a closed cabinet.

Don't leave bags or containers of popcorn on the counter unattended because cats might be drawn to the smell and try to chew through the packaging.

Keep your cat busy while you eat popcorn by giving them toys or treats. This will make them less likely to be interested in what you're eating.

You can teach your cat that popcorn isn't for them by telling them when they come near it or spraying them with water, if needed.

If nothing else works, you could feed your cat before you eat your popcorn so that it won't beg as much.

Is there anything else I can give my cat besides popcorn?

Yes, there are many other things you can give your cat besides popcorn. Cats can't get all the nutrients they need from popcorn, and it can even hurt them if it has butter or salt added to it. Instead, you can feed cats food that is made just for them and gives them all the nutrients they need.

As treats, you can also give your cat small amounts of cooked meat, fish, or eggs. It's also important to make sure your cat always has clean water to drink. If you don't know what to feed your cat, you should talk to a vet about what they need to eat.

Can cats eat butter on popcorn?

Even though cats can eat popcorn with butter, it is not a good idea. Small amounts of popcorn aren't bad for cats, but the butter and salt that are often added to it can be bad for them. Also, cats can choke on popcorn kernels or hurt their teeth with them. Best to stick to treats and foods that cats can eat.

Can cats eat popcorn with butter on it?

Even though cats can eat buttered popcorn, it's not a good idea. Buttered popcorn has a lot of fat and salt, which can make cats fat, make them lose water, and cause other health problems. Popcorn kernels can also get stuck in a cat's throat or stomach, causing pain or even blockages. It's best to feed your cat a balanced diet of food made just for cats' nutritional needs.

Can cats eat popcorn made in a microwave?

No, cats shouldn't eat popcorn from the microwave. Air-popped popcorn that is plain is safe for cats to eat in small amounts, but most microwave popcorn brands have extra ingredients like salt, butter, and flavorings that are bad for cats. Some people can get digestive problems, become dehydrated, or even get pancreatitis from these ingredients.

Also, the kernels themselves can cause a cat to choke or get stuck in its digestive system. It's best to give your cat a well-balanced diet made up of food made just for cats that meets all of their nutritional needs.

Can cats eat salted popcorn?

Even though cats can eat popcorn, you shouldn't give them salty popcorn. Cats can have trouble digesting salted popcorn, and this could lead to sodium ion poisoning. It's best to give your cat plain popcorn without salt or other treats that are safe for cats.

Can cats eat popcorn from a kettle?

No, cats shouldn't eat popcorn made in a kettle. Salt and sugar, which are not good for cats, are often added to kettle popcorn. Cats can also choke on popcorn kernels or have stomach problems from eating them. As a treat or snack, it's best not to give cats any kind of popcorn. Instead, stick to treats that are good for cats and are made to meet their nutritional needs.

Can cats eat popcorn with caramel on it? Can cats eat popcorn with cheese on it? Can Cheddar Popcorn be eaten by Cats? Can cats eat pieces of popcorn?

Are kittens able to eat popcorn?

Cats can eat popcorn in small amounts as long as it is plain and doesn't have any salt on it. Make sure to take out any unpopped kernels to keep people from choking.

Summary:

A small amount of plain, unsalted popcorn is safe for cats to eat.

[sumberitacom]

Eating Peanut Butter can help you Lose weight. How come?

When trying to lose weight, it's a good idea to avoid sweets and processed foods. However, this is different from sweet and savoury peanut butter. Peanut butter can helps you lose weight.

Ingredients in peanut butter

Behind the delicious taste, peanut butter contains various nutrients for the body, such as good fats, protein, fibre, and several important vitamins and minerals. About two tablespoons or 32 grams of peanut butter contains: - Protein: 7.02 grams - Magnesium: 57 mg - Phosphorus: 107 mg - Zinc: 0.85 mg - Niacin: 4.21 mg - Vitamin B-6: 0.17 grams - Fibre: 3 grams The fibre content in peanut butter can meet 10% of your daily fibre needs. Research published in the journal Nutrition shows that adequate fibre intake can affect a decrease in body mass index. Nuts also contain unsaturated fats, which are good for heart health and cholesterol levels, so peanut butter benefits your diet. However, there are several other things that you should pay attention to, such as the calorie content, saturated fat, and sodium found in peanut butter. Therefore, consume peanut butter within reasonable limits, as much as one or two tablespoons per day.

Benefits of peanut butter for weight loss

Everyone needs to go on a diet. The real diet regulates eating patterns according to individual needs and conditions. So, not only do people who are losing weight need a diet, but everyone must adopt a diet that suits their needs. Well, for those of you who are in a program to lose weight, you must apply a different diet than most people. The principle of a weight loss diet is usually to reduce fatty, sweet and high-calorie foods. Therefore, many people think peanut butter is a food one should avoid during a diet or weight loss program. Even though eating peanut butter in the right dose is beneficial for health, especially in helping lose weight. 1. Feel full longer Peanut butter is great for weight loss because it is high in protein, fat and fibre, which can help keep your body full longer. In a study on 15 obese women, adding three tablespoons of peanut butter to the breakfast menu while on a diet caused the stomach to feel fuller and discouraged from overeating. You will lose weight faster if you feel full quickly and your appetite is more controlled. 2. Increase body metabolism

Another benefit of good peanut butter for weight loss is that it increases metabolic processes in the body. Peanut butter contains high protein, so it is highly recommended for maintaining muscle mass in a weight loss program. Muscles are needed to keep your body strong. Your body's metabolism also has the potential to slow down if you lose too much muscle. A slowed metabolism makes it more difficult to lose weight. By consuming protein-rich peanut butter your diet, you will lose weight faster than going on a diet without sufficient protein intake. 3. Good for the body's glycemic response Some foods, especially processed and starchy foods, have the potential to increase your blood sugar level. Unstable blood sugar levels increase your risk of obesity and diabetes. Luckily, peanut butter is good for your diet because it has a low glycemic index. One study showed that when you mix two tablespoons of peanut butter with a high glycemic index food, the peanut butter can help stabilize the glycemic index. 4. Maintain weight Even though peanut butter is quite high in fat and calories, it turns out this food doesn't significantly affect weight gain. People who regularly eat peanut butter on a diet have lower body mass index numbers than people who avoid peanut butter while on a diet. Read the full article

[familygarden25]

10 Foods You Should Eat Everyday: A Guide to Fruits and Vegetables

The health benefits of eating fruits and vegetables are well known. Most people know that the vitamins, minerals, and healthy fats found in fruits and veggies are good for them. But did you know that they are also good for you because of how much your body processes them? You see, your body is made up of over 60% water, so it stands to reason that if you want your body to stay healthy and hydrated, then drinking lots of water is key. What do most people drink other than water though? Fruits and vegetables of course! By eating a variety of fruits and veggies every day, not only will you be helping your body stay hydrated but you’ll also be improving your overall health. Here’s why: 

Water Intake

People all over the world are getting more and more dehydrated every day as the amount of sugar in our diets increases. The human body is made up of about 70% water, so when Online vegetable shopping in chennai ’re not consuming enough, we start to feel tired, lethargic, and thirsty. This is why water is so important – without it, we’re not functioning at our best. But what’s even more important is that fruits and vegetables contain natural sugars that quickly turn into water, so we get the hydration we need without the calories and drinks that are high in sugar. This means we can eat all the fruit and vegetables we want and not put on pounds.

Vitamin D

While the idea of eating breakfast and lunch is the common idea when people talk about getting enough vitamins and minerals, the truth is that we don’t actually need them in the same way that we need calories. For example, you can’t just consume vitamin D, as it’s produced by the body when exposed to sunlight. This is because of the way in which we live now, with most people spending very little time outside and many eating a diet low in dairy produce. The lack of dairy produce means we’re not getting enough vitamin D. This is why eating a variety of fresh, seasonal fruits and vegetables rich in vitamin D is so important. Vitamin D is important for a lot more than just healthy skin – it’s also responsible for regulating our metabolism, supporting our immunity, and helping our brains function properly 

Folate (DFE-uh-toe)

Folate is one of the B vitamins that are crucial for preventing and treating certain diseases. Sounds great right? Unfortunately, most people in developed countries do not consume enough folate. A deficiency in folate can lead to an increased risk of heart disease, stroke, certain cancers, and pregnancy complications. Luckily, it’s easy to get enough folate from a varied diet – the most important thing is to consume lots of fresh produce. Folate is found in the skin of Brussel sprouts, broccoli, cauliflower, and many other vegetables.

Vitamin C

Vitamin C is one of the ‘go to’ vitamins for maintaining a healthy immune system. This is because it plays an important role in the formation of white blood cells and antibodies. Vitamin C also helps to maintain the skin’s health and prevents scurvy – a disease that used to be common in sailors and explorers where the skin starts to peel off due to a lack of vitamin C. Vitamin C can be found in a number of fruits and vegetables, with the most notable being oranges, strawberries, and tomatoes.

antioxidants

Antioxidants are the reason why vitamins C and E are found in many of the foods we eat. They help to prevent our bodies from producing harmful ROS – reactive oxygen species – which can cause damage to our cells and tissues. Antioxidants are found in a number of fruits and vegetables, such as: - Vitamin A – found in carrots, apricots, spinach, and many other vegetables. - Vitamin C – found in citrus fruits, broccoli, peppers, and many other vegetables. - Vitamin E – found in avocados, olives, nuts, seeds, and many other vegetables. 

Fiber

Fiber is essential for the prevention of diseases such as diabetes and heart disease, not to mention it also helps to regulate our metabolism. A lack of fiber can lead to a lack of water in our body, which can cause constipation and poor digestion. You can find fiber in a number of fruits and vegetables, including: - Cereal grains – bran, wheat, oats, and barley. - Starchy vegetables – sweet potatoes, yams, and winter squash. - Legumes – beans, chickpeas, and lentils. 

Other Benefits

Buy fresh fruits online Chennai  Maybe Not only do fruits and vegetables provide you with natural hydration, but they are also high in disease-fighting vitamins, minerals, and dietary fibers. Fruits and vegetables are also low in calories and contain no sodium. They are quick and easy to prepare and can be consumed at any time of the day. They are also inexpensive, especially when compared to processed foods. They are also delicious, providing a variety of colours, textures, and tastes that cannot be found in other foods. They are also readily available and can be found in virtually any grocery store. However, the most important reason to consume daily, a variety of fruits and vegetables is that they are good for you. Fruits and vegetables are essential for a healthy diet. They provide essential vitamins, minerals, dietary fiber, and disease-fighting antioxidants that help to prevent disease, maintain heart health, and promote good digestive health.

But Not Just Fruits and Vegetables!

Fruits and vegetables online in Chennai  are so many other healthy foods out there that you could include in your diet. Some of the most commonly overlooked foods include: - Animal based proteins – including red meat, fish, and poultry – are great sources of high quality protein that are essential for building and maintaining muscle mass. - Healthy fat-rich foods – including avocados, olives, olive oil, nuts, seeds, and ground flax seed. - Legumes – including chickpeas, edamame, black beans, and lentils. - Whole grains – including barley, brown rice, oats, millet, rye, and spelt.

Summary

Eating a variety of fresh fruits and vegetables every day can improve your health and help you stay hydrated by providing you with natural sugars that are easily metabolized by your body and don’t contribute to weight gain. However, they are also good for your metabolism, heart health, and they taste great – so don’t forget to eat your fruits and vegetables!

[rederiswrites]

Red’s top veggies to start with:

So you wanna grow some veggies for the first time, but you have very little space/very little sunshine/very little patience?  Here are some of my favorite picks for

Quick gratification (relatively):

Radishes-- Goes from seed to eating in as little as a month, which is about as fast as it gets. If you don’t like spicy then a) read variety descriptions and find a mild one, b) keep them well watered and don’t let them get big, or c) cook them. They stir fry nicely, and cooking takes out the heat. 

Rattail radishes-- For something a little more space consumptive but lots of fun, look these up. It’s a radish plant, and it tastes like radish, but the part you’re eating--is the immature seed pod. So like, a radish green bean. They’ve always been ridiculously prolific producers for me, IF you keep the pods picked clean and don’t let them mature. Also, they’re pretty:

Lettuce-- Even the big varieties rarely take more than a foot square fully grown. Loose leaf is less fussy, and can be harvested a bit at a time. 30 to 50 days to maturity (garden speak for time from seed to eating, presuming decent conditions. For example, if you planted quite early in spring, the cold weather would probably slow the plant’s growth).

High yield in a small space:

Beets-- Okay I know, not a super popular veggie, because people are wrong and mislead. If you think you don’t like the flavor of beets, I suggest you a) pick some up fresh at the store and try them with a good recipe. Maybe glazed with carrots. Or, b) Try yellow beets. They’re sweeter, and have significantly less of that distinctive “dirt” flavor. Meanwhile, beets are a high calorie, high nutrient crop that grows quickly in a small space, and if that’s not compelling enough, you can eat the greens too, so there’s basically no waste.

Kohlrabi-- Don’t know it? You should. Oh man. So you know how a ton of the veggies we eat are just the logical extreme of a wild mustard plant? Collards and cabbage are all leaf, broccoli and cauliflower all bud, turnips all root? Well, kohlrabi is all stem. Fucken wild, right? And inside, that stem is sweet crunchy solidly edible flesh-- we eat it like carrot sticks, but also good for soups, salads, stir fries...also you can eat the leaves like collards, so again, no waste. They’re fast, problem free growers.

Green beans-- if you have a south wall you can trellis on, or room enough, you can grow runner beans and those are even heavier yielding, but I generally get pounds of green beans off a few bush plants, and they need less than a square foot per plant. Do read carefully to see if your chosen seeds are runner or bush, though, because it makes a big difference to their growth requirements. They’re more prone to pests than the other things I’ve mentioned, so you might have to do some research into your local problems. But then--green beans. Green beans good.

Tomatoes-- A three gallon pot of snacking tomatoes will be all the snacking tomatoes you want. Great patio/balcony plant. 

Not a lot of sun

Leaf lettuce-- Yes, again. Leafy greens generally can usually grow in part shade, and lettuce even benefits from it in hot weather during summer. Most leafy greens will do alright in partial shade, so also pak choy, mustard, ets.

Carrots-- carrots are in some ways not a great beginner crop, because they need good, loose soil. I usually prepare a special carrot bed every year with extra compost and a good dose of sand, and, since I have clay soil, I dig that in quite deeply. BUT they aren’t bothered by partial shade, really.

Leafy herbs-- not the Mediterranean ones like thyme and rosemary, but parsley, cilantro, chives, chervil, and lovage do well in partial shade, and of course the flavor they provide is a disproportionately effective addition to your diet.

There are a lot more; this is deliberately a small dose of information. For those already interested, I strongly recommend digging into a good book, of which there are many. Each plant has its own needs, and you can no more treat two vegetables the same than you can care the same way for a cat and a dog. But that also means that there’s probably at least one vegetable for every situation.

[tharros-auris-black-asimi]

Warmth

Pairing: Alpha Beefy Bucky x Female Mutant Reader

Summary: Being paired off with Bucky Barnes on a mission was hard enough. Hell, the two of you being a part of Hydra a long time ago was already hard enough. But when the two of you are forced to seek shelter in an Avengers safehouse, it gets even worse.

Because there's only one freaking bed.

Will you survive the night with the grumpy Alpha by your side? Or will you rip your hair out?

Who knows. The nights are unpredictable.

What you do know is, is that Bucky Barnes is too fucking hot for his damn good.

Maybe you just might pull your hair out.

Warnings: Heavy A/B/O dynamics. Mentions of past torture from Hydra for both Bucky and the Reader. This Bucky is sort of a mix between CW!Bucky, (hence the beefy!Bucky), but also TFATWS!Bucky bc I love grumpy old man, sassy Bucky. Some angst/hurt/comfort, because I'm a hoe for angst. No heats/ruts in this lil fic, just good ole rough smut. Some biting and some mild blood too. This sex would be considered unprotected irl, but in the a/b/o verse, I don't think you'd need protection??? Who knows. Italics are for when Bucky and the Reader are talking in Russian. The Reader also has a nightmare, which ties back in with the whole mention of past torture from Hydra. If I missed any other warnings in this, let me know and I'll make sure to add them!

Additional Notes: This was written for @agentofbarnes's writing challenge! Congrats on 7k, Zee! I'm sorry this took so long. I started writing this in July, and let it marinate for far too long. But it's here now. I hope you enjoy!

All writing mistakes in this fic are mine, as usual.

Word Count: 4,602

Hell.

This was absolute pure fucking hell.

As you and the former Winter Soldier, James "Bucky" Barnes himself stared at the front door of one of the safehouses for the Avengers in case of emergencies, you couldn't help make eye contact with him.

Great. This was just great.

No one, not even Clint had told you that it would be snowing in freaking January in rural Ohio, of all places.

Then again, you had faintly remembered doing gymnastics before you had been taken by Hydra with some arrogant Alpha guy named Lance. He had been a real pain in your ass and you remembered you had made him cry once. After you had escaped from Hydra, you had bumped into him again. Funnily enough, he was still just as scared of you as he was all those years ago. Which, you know, was nice.

But what was not nice was the Alpha that was currently looking back at you. James Buchanan Barnes, Bucky, Buck, White Panther, Jesus, Bionic Staring Machine- (the last three nicknames, all given to him by the Alpha Sam Wilson himself), scowled at you. His blue eyes even narrowed at you.

You wouldn't call what you and Bucky had a friendship. You two weren't even enemies. Heck, colleagues? Teammates? That was just putting it lightly, the relationship you had with the Alpha. Even when you had been captured and brainwashed into serving Hydra, the two of you had never crossed paths. It had been only after Hydra had fallen, did the two of you actually meet in person. Other than that, nothing. Nada. Nope. No with a capital N.O.

"Come on, let's go." Bucky all but grumbled. Realizing he didn't have the key to get inside, he looked at you. Like you had the key or something.

"James, I don't have the key." Bucky groaned. "Do you have a bobby pin, Omega? Something?" He asked in Russian. You plucked a bobby pin from your hair. A stray piece of hair fell. Putting the flat side in, you managed to unlock the door. You turned to look at him, giving him a toothy grin.

"Learned that from Pit Pocketing for Dummies, 101."

Bucky rolled his eyes at that. You just sniggered as you opened the door, greeted by cool air smacking against your face.

It made you shiver.

Because, unlike Bucky, you did not have any of that good ole supersoldier serum in your veins.

You were a mutant that could control water. Sometimes, you wished that you had the ability to control fire, because then, at least you could be warm in such dire situations such as these.

Taking your shoes off and putting them at the door, you surveyed the place.

It was a small house. Like a cozy little cottage. Probably only had at least two rooms at the max. It certainly gave off that vibe. There was a fireplace in the living room. A fully furnished kitchen, complete with a little wooden table with benches instead of individual chairs near the window.

Your grip on your bag of clothes became tighter as you realized that you needed to take a shower. Your stomach grumbled, alerting Bucky that you were hungry. Your comms had died. The two of you could contact no one until you charged them.

Which meant for at least tonight, or whenever the snowstorm outside stopped, you only had Bucky Barnes for company.

Well. That certainly would be pleasant.

"Go and shower first. I'll make dinner."

***

After your shower, you walked back into the kitchen, your sweet smell that reminded Bucky of deserts that his Ma used to make for him and his younger sisters back in Brooklyn drifted towards his nose. Thanks to the serum, he had already smelled it a mile away.

Cinamon rolls. Apple turnovers. Apple pies. Pumpkin pies. Bucky felt his Alpha rumble at the smell. Even Winter stirred at the familiar scent he loved so much.

When Bucky had gotten the trigger words wiped away from him due to Princess Shuri's genius, the Winter Soldier hadn't gone away from him. Rather, Winter had become a part of Bucky. Winter had been what Bucky became to survive Hydra. Winter was Bucky, only darker. More possessive. The deepest, darkest thing of him that the Wakandan Elders had helped him find again and reconcile with.

It was during times like this, making dinner in the kitchen that reminded him so much of his time back in Wakanda. Taking care of his farm and his pet goats, (that he sadly couldn't bring back with him when coming back to America), that he missed the most. It was domestic, in a way. He could almost feed into the fantasy, the thought that you were his Omega, his Bondmate, and that he was just making dinner for you.

From an outsider's perspective, it might've looked like Bucky didn't like you. That he just tolerated you. Treated you like how he treated everyone else in his life.

But it was the contrary.

He liked you.

He liked you very, very much. Other than Steve, Natalia, and heck, even the winged pigeon- you were one of the only people to truly understand him. You were probably even on the same playing field as Natalia, because you knew what it was like to be controlled by the Russian government. You held him at an arm's length at most, and you never treated him like he was some fragile, broken man. When you treated his wounds, you never fretted like other Omega's. Nor did you dottle. Ask him if he was okay every five seconds. It was disappointing in a way.

Bucky turned his head, just as you hopped yourself onto the counter, away from the conduction stove.

The smell of butter pasta was filling your nose. You watched with rapt attention as Bucky shut off the stove, grabbed the freshly grated cheese, and dumping it in. To hell with calories. Stirring quickly for a few seconds, he stopped. Turning his head to look at you, he gave you a low smirk. His scent of something sandalwood, oceany filling your nose. It made your Omega preen.

"Get some bowls, will ya doll? And forks too." Hopping off of the countertops, he heard a chirping, yet sarcastic reply.

"Yes, Sarge."

He felt his pants tighten at the thought. Hearing you grab all of the stuff, he swallowed.

Not that he would tell you that.

No.

Never.

***

"Oh, you've gotta be fucking with me."

So, as luck would have it. There weren't two bedrooms.

Nope.

There was only one.

Not only that, the entire room was fully furnished. A closet was on the left side of the door, against the wall. There was a window and just a bit to right, in the middle of the room, was a queen-sized bed, all made up with all the fluffiest blankets, comforters, and pillows imaginable.

"And you're sure this is the only room?" Bucky said. "Yeah! It's the only one, James. It's either this or the couch. And I'm not sleeping on the couch. It's too cold. Whoever built this safehouse didn't have any heaters built in either. Fuck, is this how I die? Freezing to death?" Your voice was getting higher with concern.

Bucky just rolled his eyes.

"No, doll. You're not to freeze to death. We're going to share that bed."

You turned your head towards him like he had just grown a second head. "What?" you exclaimed. "No. No, no, no. Noooo. James. Nu-uh. Uh-uh. I'm not going to sleep with you in my tank top and underwear. the least you've seen me in is a pair of short shorts and a tank top."

Bucky inhaled deeply through his nostrils.

Get yourself together Barnes.

Don't throw her over your shoulder.

Don't do that.

"You're a water mutant, doll. You're not a fire mutant. You aren't a supersoldier either. I'm not letting you freeze to death. I'll keep you warm all night. Better yet, don't sleep in your tank top and shorts. Our body heats will do just fine." Bucky snapped at you. You were still trying to collect your thoughts.

And then the realization, the reality of your situation, smacked you right across the face.

Bucky was asking you to sleep naked.

With him.

In the same frigging bed together.

Oh you were going to die. You were going to die and go up to wherever other spirits went to after they died. You weren't really all that religious nor spiritual.

But tonight though?

Yeah. Maybe you believed. Maybe a little.

Just the slightest bit.

"Okay, okay," you grumbled, "I won't wear any clothes. Better yet, I'll even give you a show. That'll even out the odds, James."

***

Warm.

He was just oh so warm.

Your back was flush against his front, feeling skin-on-skin.

You had stopped shivering about an hour ago.

Bucky had scouted the safehouse, to see if there was actually a heater, in case you had missed anything.

Nope.

There were no heaters in the safehouse.

Absolutely none.

Not to mention, all of the blankets weren't as thick. From what Bucky had observed a few hours ago after dinner while you had tackled the task of doing the dishes, was that the safe house had been abandoned for a while. It was either that, or nobody had stocked this place up for a while.

He had chosen the latter.

With his strong arms wrapped around your stomach, he pulled you close. You were asleep. Dead asleep. Bucky felt and saw your body rise up and down as you slept, your breaths all evened out.

It was nice, almost. Outside was quiet. Bucky could hear other than your breathing only the soft wind blowing due to the snowstorm outside.

For a moment, Bucky was lulled into a sense of calm. His mind was clear. His Alpha and Winter were quiet. He didn't have to fret. Or look over his shoulder. Didn't have to second guess himself or his actions anymore.

And then he heard it.

Soft whimpers coming from the sweet-smelling Omega that he was currently holding in his arms. You had begun to squirm, arms thrashing out. Your legs smacked on his knees, trying to desperately claw yourself free from his tightening grip on you.

"... I'll be good... just don't chuck me in the freezer again... please sir... I hate it there... please don't chuck me in the freezer, please..." you were sobbing in your sleep. You started to blubber, continually trying to claw yourself out of Bucky's grip. The metal plates of his Vibrainum arm shifted as his metal fingers tightened around your stomach. Bucky knew not to apply too much pressure on you- you weren't like him, Steve, or Natalia. You didn't have the serum in you.

"Doll? Hey, doll. C'mon, wake up. It's not real." Bucky tried shaking you awake to no avail. You had continued to thrash in his arms.

Sniffling loudly, your Omega was thrashing in her cage, in the confines of your mind. She was whispering, yelling at you to wake up.

"Omega. Wake up."

Bucky didn't mean to use his Tone. But you were being so hysterical, shaking, and crying to the point where it was beginning to worry him. Your sweet scent had begun to twist and turn into something more burnt. Singed. It made his eyes water.

You stopped thrashing in his grip. Your body froze up at his use of his Tone. Your Omega stopped throwing her temper tantrum too. She had paused for a second.

Her Alpha had given her a Command.

So why wouldn't she listen?

Peering from her cage in the confines of your mind, she sighed happily.

Alpha. Alpha cares about us. She whispered in your ear.

Slowly returning to consciousness, you struggled to know where you were for a second.

You had been having a nightmare.

A full-fledged nightmare.

You hadn't had one of those in a while.

"... Where am I?" Your voice was gentle but confused.

You still didn't know if you were still in that godforsaken Hydra facility or not. But you just wanted to make sure.

"Here, doll. You're here with me. We're in Ohio, remember? Sharin' one bed together cause I don't wanna be a bad Alpha and letcha freeze to death." Bucky said.

You couldn't help it. You snuggled into him, hearing a deep rumble coming from his chest. Bucky's Alpha was pleased. Very pleased. Winter was quiet. Which surprised Bucky. The little shit was usually more vocal about his own needs these days.

For a moment, it felt okay. You felt that weird fog lifting. Your brain slowly settling in your current surroundings. Your sweet, filling scent that had twisted and burnt into something smoky and burnt was slowly wearing off.

You were still a little shaken up. You could still hear your screaming echoing in your head. Your voice trembling, and because you didn't know if you were still stuck in the facility, "How long?"

"Not long."

Bucky watched as you lifted your head up, blinking once. And then twice. And then again, just to be sure.

Your body felt like it still wasn't physically here. Your body still felt like it was back in the cryo chamber, stuck in that damn freezer. Bucky watched your chest heave up and down. Taking in deep breaths.

Then you flopped right back into your previous spot, your back facing his front. Bucky pulled you back with his metal arm. You heard the metal plates in his arm readjust and move. You couldn't help it. Your vagina throbbed at the sound. Chewing on your bottom lip, you wiggled a little bit.

A deep rumble had come from Bucky.

The metal-armed Alpha had pushed a little bit of his weight down on you. Making you feel all warm and safe with the sandalwood and salty scent wrapped all around you like a cocoon.

You wiggled up against him again, trying to get comfortable. Your eyes closed.

A deep groan came from Bucky.

Was he asleep?

You stopped moving.

Another groan came from Bucky. His arms were wrapped around you. Not tightly, but still. It was kinda nice in a way. You could feel every muscle on his broad chest against your back.

Maybe Bucky had the right idea to sleep naked after all.

You shifted again. Trying to wiggle out a little out of the embrace.

A deep growl rumbled from Bucky. His grip on you tightened. You squirmed against him again.

Voice gravelly, "Stop moving."

Your eyes flew open.

He was awake.

And you had been-

Letting out a hiss, Bucky pushed his entire weight onto you and grinded his half-hard cock against your ass cheeks. Not even caring about if his entire weight would crush you, because of the serum.

He saw red.

Pure absolute red.

You choked. A needy little whimper filled the room.

Bucky's metal hand traveled down, all the way down to your pussy, his knee pushing your legs apart. You were panting in anticipation, eyes wide as saucers. His metal fingers were shoved deep, all the way to the knuckles. A pitiful whine left your lips. A needy whine too.

When he entered you, a choked sob escaped from your lips. Your hands curled into fists, eyes rolling into the back of your head as the formerly brainwashed assassin let out a growl.

"So sick and tired of you teasin' me," was what the former Winter Soldier growled under his breath, hissing at the way your cunt wrapped around him. Slick was smeared around your inner thighs, and you couldn't help but sob at the feeling of being so full.

Bucky was groaning above you, his hands nearing shaking.

Never had he ever thought he could ever get to do this again.

Because Bucky very much still liked sex. He very much so was a sexual creature. Being inside you gave him flashes of his life before Hydra. It made him remember a much skinner, smaller Steve. A much duller, war-stricken Brooklyn. It made him remember the giggles of Omegas. It made him remember his Ma's cooking growing up. Rebecca's giggles in his ears. Just like the old times.

Not for the first time in his life, he didn't feel trapped.

He felt free.

This was freeing to him.

And when he began to move, position his hips against your back, smacking roughly. Good enough to leave marks in the morning.

Wet, squishing noise echoed noisily every time he bottomed out of you. Every thrust in, filling you, completing you. It sent you gasping and crying out into the pillows. His hands- both metal and flesh, reached under you, to grab ahold of your breasts in a tight grip that only made you sob for more.

"More, more, more, please James, please-"

Something snapped in him.

Broke.

Bucky had never felt this feral before. The last time he felt this feral had been the hours when he first presented.

You whined loudly when he slid out of you, crying out at the empty feeling. Your Omega screeched in alarm.

Why had her Alpha stopped? Why?

Grabbing ahold of your legs, he lifted them up. Before he thrusted back in again, filling you up to the brim. It was deeper than last time, and his cock hit that spongy part. Hit your g-spot so good that you screamed into the pillows.

You were coming. You were coming so fast, that deep coil inside you snapping like a bomb wire being cut that you never got the chance to feel your programs. Your body jolted, spasmed. Your legs lifted off of the bed or at least tried to. Bucky's body weight was still keeping you down. So all you could do was grip the bedsheets when Bucky started to pound into you again, taking all he could.

You couldn't help yourself. You glanced back, just to take a glimpse of him.

James Buchanan Barnes looked downright feral and your pussy clenched around him deeper at the sight. as if she knew.

Every thrust made him go deeper, hitting your cervix every time. It made your second orgasm piggyback off of your first one, sobbing into the pillows. It was only when your second orgasm came, your walls clenching down onto his cock that Bucky's teeth sank into your shoulder, shattering, breaking the skin there. The taste of copper filling his mouth. Bucky let out a grunt as he came. Filling you up with so much of his jizz that he was sure it would drip from you tomorrow morning.

Bucky lifted his mouth from your shoulder.

Pants filled the room as the two of you tried to regain yourselves.

Bucky shifted, moving off of you and lying beside you. His eyes weren't black anymore. They were back to their normal blue. They reminded you of the sea in the morning on a peaceful day.

Your hand came to touch his face. Your hand faltered, trembled though. Because you were nervous.

"It's okay," his voice was deeper, huskier. It made your pussy throb. "You can touch me. It's okay."

Your hands came to touch, cup his jaw. You leaned in, pressing your lips against his. His lips were soft. Your lips moved together, his tongue slipping into your mouth. The kiss became deeper. You hadn't expected it to become deeper. You had been just going for an innocent kiss.

You swore.

Like- you really did.

You didn't expect to be fully making out with James Buchanan Barnes.

But it wasn't like you were complaining though.

Because you weren't.

Bucky was the first one to pull away. He could see how red, bruised your lips looked. He didn't recoil from your gentle touch on his face. He welcomed it. He truly did. Hands holding your hips, he looked at you.

His lips traveled down to your mating gland. He touched over it with his tongue, giving it a broad lick. His teeth sank in, piercing the skin.

Your ears popped. You cried out. His grip on your hips didn't falter.

"Yes, yes, yes," you gasped. Bucky lifted his mouth up from your gland, before sinking his teeth back in and biting again. Making his mark all that deeper.

It was only when he lifted his mouth from your gland, wiped your blood off of him with the blanket did you come at him, sinking your teeth into his gland. It made him grunt, even groan. His flesh hand came to your head, pushing your head down, making you sink your teeth even deeper into his gland.

"Yesss," hissed Bucky, his flesh hand sinking into your hair, gripping it. "Deeper, doll. Go deeper."

Winter and his Alpha completely agreed.

Theirs.

You were theirs.

After what seemed an eternity, you lifted your head up. Wiping your mouth on the blanket, you spoke.

"I missed you. What did you do to get us paired on this mission? I thought I was going with Sam," you said to your Alpha. A smirk stretched over Bucky's lips. "Ah," your Alpha said, still smirking, "I might've put something in his drink to make him vomit his guts out. He got sick."

A noise came from you.

"You gave him food poisoning? James!" You scolded him. Bucky leaned back against the headboard. "Don't worry doll, it'll wear off when we come back to the Compound. Bird Brain won't even know what hit him."

You shook your head in disbelief.

"You're unbelievable, Sasha. Did you teach Natalia that trick, too? Hmm? She and all of your Widow students?"

Bucky was still grinning ear to ear at you when he responded back.

"Well little bird, someone had to teach them. After all, I was their teacher. They all called me Yasha. Speaking of my Widow students..." he trailed off in Russian. You looked at him.

"You've contacted one of the KBG? About that leaked Russian tape with the orange man that is, unfortunately, our President?" He asked you. You nodded. "Yeah, Sasha. Everything's going as planned. Although, I think assassinating the orange man would've been a much better option. We would've gone in there and made it a done deal by now! Fuckin' Steve and his righteous self." You grumbled unhappily.

"Hmm. It would've been great as a date night. Don't you think, doll?" Bucky drawled. You gave a serious nod.

"Although... seeing him freak out on Twitter is much, much better. The tea is better when it's hot." You grinned. Bucky just let out a sigh.

"I'm restricting your phone privileges. And your TV privileges. You need to stop watching those drama channels, Mega."

A noise of deep discomfort came from you.

"Sasha!" you whined, "then what will I do while you're gone on missions?"

"Wait for me to come back?" Bucky suggested. You just sighed. Even shook your head in fondest. You happily snuggled up to your Alpha, your nose rubbing up against your Mate's gland. "I always wait for you to come back, Sasha. I wait and I worry. I love you, James."

A deep rumble came from your Mate.

"I love you too, Little Omega."

Your head peeked up.

"So, can we tell the rest of the team when I leak the tape?" You asked, your eyes glimmering with mischief.

Bucky burst out laughing.

"Yes, yes, yes. We can tell them once you've wreaked havoc, Omega."

"Good." You were nodding seriously, in complete agreement. "It'll be fun. And... also, I forgot to tell you."

The joyful expression on Bucky's face was suddenly replaced with one of worry.

"What? What is it?" He asked gently. "When you were gone for your last mission two months ago... I... I came off of my suppressants. I'm ready, James. I want a family with you."

Shock flickered over Bucky's face. And then he was shoving you back into the bed with a shriek coming from you.

"When's your pre-heat?" He demanded.

You felt it. A cramp. It made you whimper.

"N-Now, James. Now," you stammered. Your Alpha pulled your legs apart roughly before he thrusted back into you, making you gasp.

"Say it," he hissed. "Say you want it. Say you want my knot. Say you want my pups."

"I want it, James." Your voice was a low whisper, even staggering a little bit. "I want your knot. I want your pups. Please. Please, Sasha."

His hands, both metal, and flesh gripped your shoulder tight as that vein of his neck nearly popped. His eyes were black with want. Soon, his Rut would be upon him and he'd breed you. Put his pup in you. You'd carry his pup. He'd have the pack that Winter and his Alpha desperately wanted after all these years.

A whine came from you when he pulled out, only to let out a scream when he thrusted back in. Hitting that part of you that made your eyes roll into the back of your head. Your mouth fell open, but no words came out.

His pace was brutal, not even letting you hold onto him. Your hands were left to grip the bedsheets again. You gripped them so tight that your knuckles turned white and you thought that they were going to pop.

Bucky continued to push, continued to shove his ejaculate deeper and deeper inside of you. A mixture of your slick and his ejaculate smeared all over your thighs and trickled down your legs, and you just didn't know what was happening. Your hindbrain was telling you that this was what was needed. That your designation wanted, nay, demanded this. After all the shit you had gone through, your Omega had found her Alpha and now, now she was determined to have a family. Have the pack she desperately desired.

"Mine."

A harsh thrust made you sob.

"You're mine now. I waited for you for so long. Wanted you for so long. You're mine now. Got my Mark. Got my clothes in your nest. Gonna give you my name. Gonna give you my pups. You're mine. All mine. Say you're mine. Say it!"

You came screaming. Your orgasm making you see white. Bucky continued slamming into you, the wet, squishing noises coming from your pussy becoming louder and louder the more he pushed in. Your teeth sank into his flesh shoulder, shattering and piercing the skin there. You tasted copper in your mouth.

Bucky came with a shout. He shoved you back completely, making you shriek. And then he was leaning in again, sinking his teeth into your gland. Making another deep mark. It made you fall limp into the bed as his knot swelled, locking the two of you in place.

He lifted his head.

Being inside you... knotted inside of you... it was bliss. It was just as good as cockwarming. His cock all nestled deep inside of you whenever you two would sneak off to sleep together.

"Bite me again. Give me your mark, Omega." he panted. Slowly, your head went up, you slowly sat up, before taking in a deep breath and sinking your teeth back into his gland.

Home.

You had brought Bucky home. He held you tight, whispering in your ear how much he loved you and how much of a good Omega you were.

"I love you Omega." His voice was rough.

Lifting your head from his gland. Blood still trickling down the corners of your mouth. You offered him a smile. A genuine one. One that made his stomach all fluttery.

"I love you too, Alpha."

[ny-3aets]

Alright, so I might lose some followers for this, but I don’t care. This is the blog where I get to be honest about my views, so I’m going to be honest about this, too:

“Fatphobia” isn’t fucking real.

Yeah, some people treat others like shit human beings because they jump to conclusions about their circumstances. I’m not denying that. It sucks. However, it doesn’t reach into the territory of some kind of epidemic of oppression because not only is being fat something objective, it’s also not something people are born with and it’s absolutely something that you can change.

”Diet culture“ is only as harmful as you allow it to be if you take everything given to you at face value and don’t do any of your own research or contact someone like a nutritionist or a personal trainer to figure out what specifications work for you. The reason there are hundreds of different diets is because there are hundreds of different people that wrote each of them, and for each of them that specific method works, and it may not work for you.

With that in mind, nothing’s gonna fucking work if you do not commit to it for months or even years. A diet isn’t something you do for a month or two like you’re an actor prepping for a movie and then you get to go back to whatever you were doing before. Maybe if you’re already at a moderate shape and it corresponds to the needs of a new sport you‘re pursuing, it might, but for overall change at a casual pace, this isn’t how it works. You pursue a diet as in, that is your diet now. That is what you eat, period.

Your unhealthy codependency on unhealthy foods because they’ve trained your brain into assuming that they are vital in bringing you comfort and joy is exactly that — unhealthy, codependent behavior. No diet is extreme for asking you to give up desserts or extremely calorie-rich foods — being able to do this means maturing enough to understand that food is just that — food. It’s an energy source, nothing more, nothing less. Whether or not you choose to still eat unhealthy food “every once in a while” is entirely your choice because it’s your body and you can choose what you do with it, but in potentially compromising a diet you‘ve selected, you have absolutely no place to say that a diet does or doesn’t work.

When you start pursuing any diet specifically in order to lose weight however, you need to be at a calorie deficit. This, once again, takes some independent research as well as arithmetic to understand how much of a calorie deficit is right for you, depending on how active your lifestyle is. This isn’t me taking the high ground and pretending to be something I’m not. This is just a fact.

Not all forms of exercise work for everyone. Either go into the gym and obsessively (although safely) try everything for a two-week period at a time, or do intense research, and, if you can afford it (and I’m positive that there are online ones that will offer their services for free or discounted prices from an in-person gym) hire a personal trainer. Hiring a trainer doesn’t negate your research, however — question everything she says, look it up at home, see if there are opinions of other trainers online (YouTube has an entire hub of these guys).

Yes, there are cases in which people have genetic disorders which make it nearly impossible for them to lose weight. Those are A) rare and B) vary in degree of hinderance, meaning in certain circumstances there will absolutely be tons of research right at your fingertips to find a way to maneuver around it.

Yes, the BMI rating is a joke, specifically for people with extreme amounts of muscle mass (as muscle is heavier than fat), but I think you know if you look like Dwayne Johnson or you can achieve some of the same shit as a Sumo wrestler or a Siberian grandma. Either way it’s a mostly arbitrary number, although it can be a rough guide of where you “should” be.

Yes, there are people out there that are fat by societal standards but are more than capable of achieving extreme physical feats. Most of the people competing in throwing events at the Olympics or Strongman events look very different from the hypertrophied Greek statues of bikini competitions. I don’t have to tell you that this requires an extreme amount of training and dedication (and perhaps a winning ticket of the genetic lottery), but if it’s something you achieve, more power to you; I don‘t care.

I am not calling fat people lazy. Anyone can be lazy.

I am not calling fat people selfish. Anyone can be selfish.

I am not calling fat people terrible or disgusting or worthless or whatever the fuck else you want to extract from this because I decided to look you in the eye and tell you that your excuses suck.

Whether or not you’re fat doesn’t determine your worth as a human being, however, being fat, 9/10 times is something you can control and something you can work with. Finding a way to lose weight safely and effectively is something that takes years and years of trial and error and the negative psychological effects of what you see online are no one’s problem except your own — take everything with a grain of salt and do your own research instead of pretending that the world is out to get you. If you feel that people’s posts promoting something that works for them just fine is somehow a personal attack on you, I think it’s time to evaluate your relationship with the online media sphere at large, methinks.

I’m not a personal trainer, I’m not a nutritionist, I’m not going to tell you what to do, I’m not gonna look up and evaluate every single diet plan and workout regimen known to man — I already did it for myself, I spent the sweat and tears on it for the last five years of my life, and I know what works for me. I cannot tell you what is going to work for you and I cannot tell you that losing weight is something you must do but I can tell you that there is something that will work for you, if you want to lose weight. You just aren’t looking hard enough.

While at the end of the day, I don’t care what people do because it’s not my place to control their actions or their words, but I do care when people fucking lie. When they regurgitate the same “diets don’t work!” over every insinuation that maybe there needs to be some kind of change in their food intake, when they so boldly say that they can’t lose weight, that they’ve tried everything, that diet culture is “toxic” because they can’t take the time to impersonally and carefully evaluate whatever is being peddled to them, or when I want a friend or a significant other to support me on a lifestyle that I’m pursuing and they throw me the: “Oh, but you’re so beautiful regardless!” because that shit doesn’t fuck help me, that shit doesn’t make me feel any better and is a worthless statement when I want to approach something objectively and it’s clear that there are set goals with visible obstacles to overcome.

Yes, yes you can lose weight and the people telling you that you can do not wish any kind of harm upon you.

Yeah, we‘re all gonna die in the end anyway, but I don’t want to get there absolutely winded after every staircase I’ve climbed.

[other-peoples-coats]

this isn't for the ask game I'm just curious!! do you have any headcanons for the jedi temple and life there? like do masters and padawans room together or does every person get a separate room (i know canon says it's the last one but who cares haha), is the food in the cafeteria food or too bland, how's education organized, do they have grades and exams, stuff like that!!

ooh, so, I will confess that I kind of lean into whatever fits the story I'm telling? like, if I need it, masters and padawans room together (they 100% do in be that monster you been wanting, for instance, because....well. why miss a moment for baby-wan's life to be worse.), but if I was telling a story that it was relevant that they didn't, they...wouldn't. I don't really care what canon says, tbh, we follow the rule of 'narrativly useful' in this house. I do think that there's a bunch of 'weird' jedi only cultural dishes -- some of which were invented by the jedi, either through 'this is one of the very few places nautolan ingredients will run into tusken spices' sort of cultural cross over, or just from 'we are an order of incredibly athlectic people and need to cram 8000+ calories into every possible meal', and some of which are more 'everyone used to eat this 500 years ago, and we're the only people who still make it on the regular'. I also think that their cafeteria (look I want to call it a tuckshop so bad I need you all to know that I know it's literally just us and maybe the kiwis who call it that but: it's a tuckshop or a canteen if you're being fancy) serves kind of a few basic 'menus' of meals, as it were -- one for herbivores, one for carnivores, one for species like kel dor, etc. Education wise, I think it's pretty standardized up to near-ish padawan age, just because...well, you gotta learn the basics, right? after that I lean towards both 'your master teaches you Focus Specific Stuff like in an apprenticeship' -- so Obi-wan learns Diplomacy and also Lazer Sword Things To Death Fast, quinlan learns Spy Shit, etc -- and also a number of sort of graduated classes, like 'not pissing off politicians 101, 201, and 501', 'flying ships so you Don't Get Stranded' and 'so you're caught up in a ritual sacrifice: how to not die about that'.

I think any given padawan can technically take any class (given they meet the pre-recs; you're not going straight into 'advanced poison detection' if you haven't even passed 'not getting black out drunk after a night out'), but it's sort of like being in a physics degree and deciding to take one semester of, like, contract law. Weird, and your advisor might be like 'uh, please explain and justify this before I sign off on it'.

I do think they have exams, though they're more focused on demonstrating a depth of understanding, rather than 'have you learnt to answer question a with answer b'. If you fail, it's less a 'you suck' and more a 'ok, so lets work out where this didn't click', maybe with a 'hey, you're struggling with [topic] as a whole, maybe you should refocus?' where relevant -- like if you were fucking terrible at medicine, but were studying to be a healer.

uhh, what else... I think that the temple is never actually silent, as such. I think there's def points it's way more busy than others, but I think those points aren't necessarily all the points outsiders might expect. Like, 5-9 am is peak hour in the temple; you have all the diunal species getting breakfast, all the noctural ones getting dinner, everyone getting in from late missions or leaving on early ones. By contrast, 3-7 pm is about as quiet as the temple ever gets.

[spiked-tea-writing]

and they were roommates?!

SapnapxFem!Reader

Summary: Imagine being in love with your roommate, couldn't be you.

Pronouns: She/her

Warning: Swearing

Word Count: 2.3k

A/n: I don’t watch or know anything, I just like these people and I had a concept. Also, he and Dream aren’t roommates in this for the sake of I can’t figure that out. Also also, my timeline is probably fucked but who cares

The dynamic in the apartment was...interesting to say the least

In the two years of living together, it had shifted a lot

In the beginning, you and Sapnap had been... less than cordial to each other

Both eighteen, fresh out of high school, off to college thinking that you knew everything.

There was lots of fighting, to say the least.

All of the “No it’s your turn to vacuum”, and “I swear to god Sapnap I will punt you halfway across the world if you eat my pineapple again”

The only reason you didn’t slit each other’s throats was that if the other person was dead, who would pay rent?

It was the summer before college started at the time, and you were working long hours minimum wage so coming]’/ home to an annoying prick caused a crap ton of conflict

After a few months of being little bitches to each other, y’all got piss drunk in the apartment and it all just sorta fell apart

Got that good drunk therapy, spilling your deepest secrets

(y’all were underage but shhh)

So by the time college started, the two of you had become actual friends and started enjoying each others company

A few months into the friendship, you encouraged him to post the video of “Minecraft, but it’s Raining Cats and Dogs” on a whim

Lmao little did you know what you had created (we’ll get to that later)

You mocked his train of thought constantly, laughing at the timing of it all.

“Ahhh yes, I am Sapnap, the genius who thought it’d be great to become a YouTuber while in my first year of college.”

He’d always just laugh and roll his eyes, playfully shoving you while stealing your chips.

The next few months were a haze of studying, work, and him.

It was truly a friendship of convenience since you guys were so busy, him starting his youtube career, and you working restaurants, then school on top of that, it was just easy to find friendship in your roommate.

Of course, he had his close friends which he spoke to over the internet, and you had your friends from back home, but as for college, it really was only him.

You guys had a fun time just hanging around the apartment, and it became so easy to be friends with him

And it WAS truly platonic (we’ll get back to that as well)

The best thing he brought to the friendship was his animals

You got on fabulously with Cash and the cats

They were all so cuddly and honestly loved you more than him lmao

You guys were just trying to get degrees and not be too stupid, was that too much to ask???

Well to a certain 2020, it was

The beginning of that year was great.

He was sorta realizing that he liked putting himself on social media, but on top of that, it seemed like a great start to a year.

February brought him to twitch, which you loved

You found it hilarious how he would just sorta play games and have people watch him live.

But you were incredibly supportive, as a friend, of course

He really liked it so, you tried to ignore the shouting at three am, and the loud anthems at night

Sure you’d give him hell in the morning, but why kill his fun?

March started great, as it was his birthday.

You got him a glittery lighter as a gag, but it was the perfect gift for a broke-ass college student

Then a certain pandemic came a-knockin’ on y’all’s door

It was a hard hit on both of you.

An executive decision was made that you two would stay put, but being away from your families was incredibly tough.

That spring was the birth of The SMP.

It brought him so much joy, which in turn made you happier.

The rest of the school year was a blur of zooms and test

Nick nearly killed you on multiple occasions when you made fun of the fact that he was learning computer science over the computer or made him help you figure out what the fuck zoom was since it was tangentially related to his major

“SAP HELP ME YOU SHOULD KNOW THIS ITS YOUR FUCKING MAJOR!!!”

“NO, IT’S- AHHHHHHHHH”

Yall got more than a handful of noise complaints shhhh

That summer was fill was spent trying to fill the time in weird ways

Note to self, he can’t cook (which you learned the hard way)

Yall spent so much time trying to cook and bake, then sweating off the calories working out with The Fitness Marshall lmao

As sucky as the situation was, that summer was so incredibly fun for the both of you, and truthfully the only arguments were about what music to blast

“Y/n I swear if I listen to Cosmicandy one more time I will drown you.”

“Well if I hear American Idiot one more time someone’s knee caps are getting harvested.”

(that argument was settled with Elton John.)

When school started up again that fall, something shifted

After a year of actual friendship, you guys were no longer just friends, and the tension was so thick it could be cut with a knife

You had watched every single one of his streams since day one, but within 2 seconds of his Love or Host, you felt the need to hurl for some peculiar reason

It was bizarre because there was no way you could ever like him, of course not.

Within the apartment, you guys suddenly got a lot more touchy, but only because it was getting cold with winter and all that jazz.

It wasn’t because yall were secretly in love, what is this, a romcom?

The number of times you guys woke up on the couch, definitely not cuddling was too many to count

You started sitting in his room while he streamed, definitely not watching him with heart eyes because of how excited he got

He always had a pot of coffee full and a 6-pack of monster in the fridge since he knew you ran on spite and caffeine, and definitely not so that he could spend more time with you in the early hours of the morning.

The laundry started getting all mixed around, resulting in just sharing any sweats, hoodies, or socks.

The same thing went for food.

No longer was anything labeled with a name, if it was in the fridge, it was fair game (unless there was a post-it because come on, yall weren’t monsters)

But no, y’all were just roommates, not dating, lets make that clear.

Feelings? We don’t know her.

This entire time, his friends have had to hear about you rip.

But they got front row seats to your relationship development

“OMG my roommate is the worst she ate all of the frozen strawberries”

“Y/n kidnapped Storm all day while she studied and I thought I lost the fucking cat asjvdk”

“I had to run down and talk to the landlord because we dropped a pot of pasta sauce all over the carpet and couldn’t get the damn stain out.”

“She is so nice in preparation for a family dinner zoom, she ran out to the local Filipino food place and pick stuff up.”

“Sorry I’m late I overslept and didn’t want to wake up Y/n.”

They weren’t stupid, and could clearly see how whipped he was.

Dream and Geroge teased him about it constantly.

“Woah, calm down Sap, you should probably tell her you love her before you propose.”

“Yeah Dream’s right, it’s kinda weird that you’re living together before ever dating.”

He always flushed and denied it with a shake of his head.

He wasn’t into you, are they crazy?

Quackity and Karl messed with him in more unorthodox ways

There are a solid number of clips where they are fake crying over how he’s cheating on them, and even more tweets to match

It only got worse when you met them accidentally.

He was chatting post-stream on a video channel with George, Dream, Karl, and Quackity, and just his luck, you came into his room.

Like of all the times you could walk in, it was the time he was with his five closest friends but I digress

“Yo I got some extra tips yesterday so I picked up some extra Red Bull if you want to do one of your weird all-nighter streams.”

“Y/n I’m on channel.”

“Oh shit sorry my b. Catch.”

All the guys heard was a thud and a groan from Sapnap as the six-pack hit him in the chest.

Dream was the one to recognize your name.

“WAIT IS THAT Y/N I WANT TO MEET THEM!”

You could hear Dream’s voice through his headphones

“Sap… who is that?”

“No one. I’ll be out in a sec to help with dinner.”

You could hear a British voice come through.

“Oh so we are no one now, huh.”

Another voice piped through.

“Common... ¿Qué intentas ocultar?”

You cut in.

“Your headset it shit my guy. I can hear everything. I’m down to talk to them.”

He let out a groan.

“Fine. But you’re gonna have to do the dishes tonight.”

“Deal. Now move.”

“What? No.”

“Fine bitch.”

You collapsed onto his lap, plucking the headphones off of him.

“Hello, Sapnap’s friends. I am Y/n. A pleasure to meet y’all. Can you hear me?”

You heard a series of laughs through the headset, and a voice came through.

“Yes, we can see you too. I’m Karl, it’s so nice to finally meet his girlfriend.”

A blush rose on both of your faces, and another voice came through.

“Yeah, we’ve heard lots about you. Plus we can’t see your face in that picture Sap sent us. I’m Quackity”

That remark stopped your embarrassment in its tracks.

“What the fuck? How do you guys know me? I’m not even his girlfriend? And what picture?”

Sapnap grabbed your arm to calm you down as another voice cut in, but his one you recognized as his friend Dream.

“Hey, it’s okay. He just talks about you a bit, and the picture I believe was of you holding like three cats with like a red bull can on your head.”

“Jesus fucking christ why do they have that photo??”

He looked guilty but chuckled.

“Because that photo is a damn masterpiece.”

Karl’s voice came back in with a giggled.

“Soooo, Y/n we’d love to hear about you. Specifically anything funny or embarrassing that you have learned by living with him.”

Sapnap let out a groan from behind you as you went off.

“WELL lemme tell y’all, he has no cooking knowledge, well I mean, now he does, but one time, about a year ago, I had I been keeping a pot of water boiling for about an hour, soft boiling eggs, cooing noodles, blanching bok choy, etc. but this fucking genius is like ‘oH tHe HaNdLe Is StIcKiNg OuT. LeMmE mOvE iT wItH mY bArE hAnD.’ Needless to say, he burnt the crap outta his hand and kept the bag of frozen blueberries on it for the entire night. It took me like a solid five seconds to actually help him because I was laughing.”

By the time you had finished that story, you had seen Nick roll his eyes like 5 five times while the rest of the guys were wheezing.

“Yeah, well remember the time you were trying to imitate Rapunzel after we had watched it over Zoom with my sister, and you swung the edge of the frying pan into our head and got a nasty bump on it? At least I moved quick enough to put some ice on it.”

“Ice? It was the damn leftover Slushy that I had been freezing.”

“True, but you got to drink it after, so it was a win-win situation.”

“Sap, I had a bump the size of a golfball coming off of my temple. There was no winning.”

“Fine, you’re just making me sound like such a shit roommate.”

“No that’s not true, you do all of the talking to the landlord, and you at least tried to muffle the noise when you stream.”

“I guess that’s true, but you do like 80% of the cleaning.”

“Yeah but only because you’re working. Plus in the past 6 months, you’ve made coffee every morning, AND made sure I was taking my meds.”

“Those things aren’t that hard and I do it to make sure you don’t die because I lo- care about you.”

“What?”

“What?”

You heard Dream’s wheeze laugh and remembered that you guys were still on call.

“Smooth.”

You both went red, and Sap moved his arm around you to leave the channel.

The next few moments were complete torture, the two of you just sitting in silence.

You were wondering if he meant what he was about to say and he was scared that you had heard it.

He was the one to break the silence. (mind you you’re still sitting on his lap lmao)

“I’m sorry about that.”

You weren’t sure how to respond. Should you ask him if he meant it? Because that wouldn’t be that bad. Or just pretend it never happened. Nah that’d be hella awkward. Or-

“I love you too.”

“You what?”

Wow, okay your brain is being a little bitch rn, but fuck it. Balls to the walls baby.

“I love you, and I have for a while now. I just want you to know.”

You finally looked him in the eye, and he was grinning like the Cheshire Cat.

“Thank god. I love you, and nearly fucking told you for the first time in front of my friends accidentally. Damn, I’m smooth.”

You laughed and he smiled wider.

“Can I kiss you?”

After a quick nod he swooped in and holy hell his lips felt great. His arm wound around your waist and your hands made their way to his jaw as he pulled you closer to him.

The only thing playing in your mind was “and they were roommates”

[greatbigbellies]

New anonymous commission story! This is another hyperpregnant slice of life piece, about a couple of boys who find out that they can conceive additional babies mid-pregnancy which will grow to catch up to the largest sibling, resulting in rapid growth for one of the husbands! Contains hyperpregnancy, tmpreg, some weight gain and lactation, mild belly worship, and allusions to sex.

Leo sat in the passenger seat of he and Marko’s sedan, his boyfriend behind the wheel. The pair sat in silence, each lost in their own thoughts. They’d received some… rather shocking news from Leo’s most recent doctors appointment. All three babies were fine, all perfectly healthy... but that was precisely the point, all THREE were healthy. At three months in, Leo was at the tail end of his first trimester, and when he started, there was supposedly only one in his womb. Then a few weeks ago, they were suddenly expecting fraternal twins. Then finally, today, triplets, all inexplicably at the same stage of growth.

“What’s going through you mind, hon?” Marko finally asked, breaking the silence. Leo brushed a few brown, fluffy hairs out of his face with one hand, and held his tummy protectively with the other. “I’m just… I’m floored we’re having three kids! I’m just… confused I guess? Like we were set with one for a while… and then two… and now…” Leo trailed off. Marko squinted in concentration as he thought of how to word his theory. “I… think I know the pattern… I don’t think it’s a matter of the doctors just mysteriously being unable to count…” Leo could tell where this was going. “You mean…” Marko nodded. “Think about it? There was the night we conceived after the party… that’s one. Then there was minigolf night...” Marko began listing off. Leo nodded, “Yeah, Minigolf was fun, we need to do that again sometime,” Leo smiled. Marko raised an eyebrow, “Like… just the minigolf, or what came after too?” 

Leo turned to him and batted his eyelashes, “I dunno, can you get another hole in one?” Marko felt himself start to blush. He was typically the more dominant one, but Leo knew how to push his buttons. “Besides, I wanna test your theory. See if I wake up with four tomorrow,” Marko was now no longer ‘starting to blush’ and was instead outright blushing. “Are you teasing me, or are you serious? Cause our turn to go golfing comes up in two blocks,” Leo put his hand in Marko’s shoulder, leaned over, and said “put another baby in me,”

Marko smiled mischievously, eager to relive their minigolf date. “But! If I win you gotta buy me a sundae. The babies want hot fudge,” Leo teased. Marko’s grin widened. “Nah hon, I’m gonna get a hole in one, beat your ass at minigolf, buy you TWO sundaes, watch you eat them, then we’ll fuck like there ain’t no tomorrow,” he said, wearing his confident smile proudly. Now it was Leo’s turn to blush, turning away and putting his hands over his mouth and cheeks. “Fuck, I hate it when you get all assertive like that,” he said through his hands. Marko laughed. “No you don’t, you little bottom!” Leo erupted in laughter himself, his adorable, irregular laugh like music to Marko’s ears.

“I mean… in fairness, you’re too competitive to lose on purpose, but too much of a gentleman to let a pregnant guy go hungry,” the praise elicited another more subtle blush from Marko, two ran his hand through his short, black undercut. “I mean… you need lots of calcium for the babies. There’s milk in ice cream so, like… it’s good for you right now?” Marko stumbled to his point. Leo chucked and lifted the hem of his beige sweater up to his chest, exposing his tiny first trimester tummy, looking ever so slightly pudgy from being 3 months along. Marko’s blush shifted to a deeper red and he tried to focus on the road, but was a sucker for Leo’s belly. “You’re going to get so big with four babies,” he said, his voice just slightly quivering in anticipation.

“Why stop at four?” asked Leo. “Are you serious?” replied Marko. “100%. We’ve talked about this before. We both love…” he gestured to his bare tummy, “THIS. We both have decided to take on fatherhood, why not just… shoot for the moon?” he put his shirt back down. Marko pulled into “Albatross Minigolf” and put the car in park, looking very seriously at Leo. “That’s going to be really hard on your body,” “I know,” “We’ll need a bigger car,” “I know,” “We’ll need a bigger APARTMENT!” “Marko… we’ll be fine! We only get to really do this once, lets make the most of it!” said Leo reassuringly. Marko wasn’t sure if “this” meant pregnancy, parenthood, or life in general, but he didn’t care. He kissed Leo on the lips, beyond excited to watch his boyfriend grow huge with his babies.

He got out of the car and ran around to the other side to get the door for Leo. He was more than prepared to dote on the man, already deciding he’d get Leo THREE sundaes after minigolf. After all, they’d need some calories to burn.

3 months later

Now six months along, and swollen with large sextuplets, Leo was solidly what one would call ‘very, VERY pregnant’. His usual button up flannel shirts had grown tighter and tighter until they wouldn’t button. While the pair did like the belly out, unbuttoned shirt look, Leo preferred to be more modest when in public. As the temperature dropped due to the coming of autumn, Leo had switched to his larger sweatshirts to remain covered, and even those didn’t really do the job anymore. Now looking overdue with quads, he waddled through the Willowbrook Square Mall wearing that same beige sweater he wore during minigolf night, once two sizes too big, now pulled tight over his bump and only reaching just above his navel.

To cover his lower belly, he wore a supportive belly band to help redistribute the weight of his womb and provide some modesty. Unfortunately for Leo, but much to Marko’s delight, the top hem of the belly belt and bottom hem of the shirt couldn’t quite meet, resulting in a cheeky strip of exposed tummy, complete with his popped navel peeking out.

Leo’s belly swayed slowly back and forth as he waddled next to Marko, squeezing his hand. He absolutely loved being so pregnant, but he tended to get colder feet in public. He was a sight to behold, and people weren’t shy about staring at his impressive bump. “I think that lady has intentionally hopped from store to store to keep me in view,” whispered Leo meekly, “She just keeps watching me, it’s weird,” “Bet she’s jealous of how great you look,” chuckled Marko. “Marko! I’m serious!” Leo hissed, “I like being this big but I don’t like being the center of attention!”

Marko raised an eyebrow, not liking his boyfriend being nervous. “I can talk to her if you’d like?” Leo shook his head, “Nono, I don’t want confrontation, I just want… honestly I just want a milkshake…” he said as cravings shifted his focus to his empty stomach. With each added baby to his womb, his appetite grew stronger, even as the amount of room in his smooshed digestive system grew smaller. Marko swiftly steered the pair toward the food court, knowing exactly what to get him.

Leo wasn’t much of a foodie before pregnancy, but getting knocked up had not only expanded his palette, but increased his appetite to the point Marko was constantly feeding him. He had actually become something of a good cook, and really enjoyed feeding Leo. As a result of his new caloric intake, Leo has began to physically soften with time, his thighs and ass become pillowier, and for the first time in his life, he had love handles. Marko took this as a point of pride, that his cooking was good enough to make someone a little pudgy. Of course, the constant flow of ice cream treats certainly didn’t hurt either.

“Any preferences, dear?” Marko asked as he helped Leo ease into a chair, which had to be pulled away form the table to make enough room for the belly. “Where you buying?” He asked. Marko tilted his head toward one of the chain restaurants in the court, “Sonic has the biggest shakes here, and I know you like car-” “Carmel oreo please,” grinned Leo. Marko’s heart flittered a little bit at Leo’s innocent smile, still in the honeymoon phase even after being together for so long. He nodded and made his way toward the Sonic, leaving Leo to sit and rest his aching feet.

He placed his hands on the top shelf of his belly, and scanned the food court. He was semi-used to being stared at by this point. Being visibly trans, being in a visibly gay relationship, hell, even his nose ring got glares from older folks. But this felt different, it wasn’t him they were stealing glances of, it was his belly. He felt a draft blow across the sliver of exposed skin between his sweater and belly belt, and felt a little self conscious. To make matters worse, the woman who had been stalking him made a b-line and was actually approaching him. He considered getting up and moving, but knew he’d reached the point in size and weight were he really needed Mareko’s help to do anything quickly.

“Excuse me!” she said, Leo braced for the worst. “I’m sorry, I know I’ve been following you around, we’ve made eye contact like 4 times, but I really need to ask you something,” she continued. Poor Leo grimaced and prepared for the worst. What invasive question would he have to answer this time? She took a seat at his table, sitting across from him. She made eye contact and seemed very direct, something Leo wasn’t super crazy about.

“So my friend is pregnant, and she’s carrying decuplets, and she’s really starting to struggle with her size… where did you get that tummy support thing?” Leo blinked, feeling like an overhyped bandaid was just painlessly torn off. “Oh, uh, there’s a place across town that sells maternity wear, called ‘twins n’ up’, and the owner makes their own stuff. They, uh, they custom made it for me,” he answered. The lady nodded intently and made several notes on her phone.

“Is this lady bothering you, hon?” asked Marko as he returned with 32 ounces of creamy milkshake. “No, actually she was just asking me about this!” Leo pulled the hem of his supporting belt, letting it snap back against is belly. “I swear I’m not trying to harass your husband, he’s just the first person i’ve seen who is as pregnant is my friend and I wanted to know where he got his clothes. I’ll leave you guys alone now, thank you!” she said to Marko, offering her seat to him. Marko’s protective nature made him a little cautious of the woman’s intentions, but she seemed harmless enough. “Take care!” smiled Leo as she left. Marko sat across from him, and handed him the milkshake.

Marko chuckled, “I guess we look like husbands now?” Leo took a long, indulgent sip of his shake, basking in the sugaryness of it all. “I mean, we are growing our family quite a bit,” he patted his tummy, “I think it’s a fair assumption we’re married,” Marko considered the situation for a moment and realized, yeah, it WAS a fair assumption they be married, or at least engaged… maybe it was near time he brought assumption to reality…

3 more months later

Marko and Leo were currently no longer boyfriends. Rather, they were fiances! Marko popped the question privately after a very fun and successful baby shower, and Leo immediately said yes. Some tears of happiness were shed, celebratory cake was consumed, and more babies were added to Leo’s ever swelling womb later that night. Things were progressing smoothly for the expecting couple as they’d moved from their old smaller apartment to a larger, open floor house. 

Now 9 months pregnant with thirteen babies, Leo was a sight to behold. His belly was permanently bared, no wardrobe in the country able to cover his bump. Through some luck, good genes, and lots of cocoa butter, he’d managed to avoid any stretchmarks, but his navel was thoroughly popped. While he’d started the pregnancy off on the skinny side, Marko’s endless flow of food had made sure baby weight accumulated, and now everything from his legs to his chest was growing. The only part of him that didn’t seem to gain any weight was his face, which was still lithe and adorable. His fluffy brown hair had only grown fluffier and fuller with the prenatal vitamins he was taking. He had to lose his blonde highlight though, as the babies could absorb chemicals through hair exposure, strangely enough.

Marko had been hard at work unpacking their whole life into this new house, as Leo had grown too large to really do much besides be doted on, which Marko was fine with. He’d set up their bedroom, and taken the doors off their hinges and removed the doorframes to buy Leo just a few precious weeks of being able to travel through doorways. At the rate they were going, they would need every inch of their open floorplan just for Leo’s titanic tummy.

Leo’s belly now held not only tredecuplets, but enough amniotic fluid to stay full and spherical. He was clocking in at around 300 lbs, and just under half of that was belly. Through the help of Marko, Leo could still walk… but getting up and down was a challenge. Leo’s belly was beyond bigger around than he was tall, and there were substantial portions where he could no longer reach. That didn’t stop the couple from conceiving more though. Even at thirteen full and pregnant beyond words, the couple still had plans for more. Call it some kind of hedonism, but Leo loved being bred and growing ever more massive, and Marko loved to watch. 

Even now, well into January, large snowflakes lazily falling outside, the pair were together, warm and happy. Leo had basically outgrown the couch at this point, his belly more wide than the cushions were deep. Instead, they had splurged on an electric recliner which was situated facing slightly to the right of the television, so that Leo could lay back in a reclined position, but only had to turn his head to see the TV, since he couldn’t see past his own tummy straight on at this point. Strong visible kicks could be seen occasionally poking out of his tightly stretched skin, often in places out of view from Leo himself. 

He sat, laid back in his large, cushy recliner, eating some chinese takeout Marko had picked up for him. He set the styrofoam container on his chest, idly scooping noodles into his waiting mouth. A chow mein noodle fell into his cleavage, something he didn’t have 6 months ago, and he picked it out with his chop sticks, hoping Marko didn’t notice him miss his mouth.

Marko didn’t notice, too enarmored with his future husband’s massive midriff. He got to see it every day, and yet every day he somehow loved it more. His hands were almost always touching it, only off of the bump when cooking or otherwise doing housework. He knew this had to be hard for Leo, being so massive and carrying so many, so Marko worked hard to do his part. Anything Leo wanted, he got. Specific foods, foot rubs, new clothes, a bigger belly… all of it was hand delivered by Marko himself. For being the more dominant of the pairing, he’d become something of a servant as Leo grew closer to immobility.

Right now, Marko had a dining room chair pulled up next to Leo, and was working cocoa butter into the side of his tummy, working slowly to both be gentile and maximize his time spent touching it. It amazed him how no matter his size, or how many were in there, his overburdened belly still had just a little give to it. Leo smiled, watching his partner be just engrossed with his tummy. “You have such a hopeless belly kink,” he chuckled. “Hmmm? Me?” Marko said, almost missing the question cause he was staring at the belly. “Yes you! Even before I got knocked up you liked touching me there! Who’s hands were on my tummy when we made out the first time?” Marko blushed. “I mean, yeah mine... but also who was so eager he got close enough that our glasses hooked on themselves? Who was so willing he whispered how he wanted a ‘baby in him right then and there?’,” Marko teased. 

Leo was the one blushing now, thinking back to one of their first dates. Little did he know just HOW MANY babies would be put in him later in life. “Is it… bad I still want you to put a baby in me?” he said, embarrassed by his own words and avoiding eye contact. Marko set aside the cocoa butter and stood up, taking a good look at the tummy that lay before him. “No… I don’t think it’s bad… but I wonder if there’s room in that belly for any more?” he teased, pressing the tips of his fingers into Leo’s exposed tummy.

“Oh come on Mark, don’t make me beg, you said you’d take care of me?” Leo teased right back, deepening his finance’s blush. “Hmmm…” he rested the side of his head on the front end of Leo’s belly, listening to the ambient, living sounds from inside. “It SOUNDS pretty full, can one guy get any more pregnant?” Leo crossed his arms and mock-pouted. “I won’t ever find out if you keep talking...” Marko leaned over Leo, casting a shadow across his face. “So you’re ready for number 14?” he grinned. Leo wrapped his hand around the back of Marko’s head and pulled him in for a kiss before whispering, “Why stop there?”

Another 3 months later

Marko had needed to make some calls. He had a few contacts with the fabrication industry, and knew some guys always willing to help him out. Now a year pregnant, and full of 20 babies, Leo no longer fit standard furniture. He was simply too large and heavy for traditional couches and chairs. Instead, Marko’s friends had put their heads together, and fashioned him a special, form fitting lounge chair, with a sturdy metal frame and soft, satiny cushions. They even thought ahead and made certain parts of it adjustable to accommodate for his growing size. And growing he was. Now beyond overdue, the growth of his still healthy brood pushed his body to new maximums. Leo often joked about how his womb would need its own zipcode soon.

Leo buttoned his shirt back up, setting the pumping apparatus on the table next to him. He’d had to start pumping his milk, or his breasts would begin leaking on their own, and frankly, he didn't want colostrum on his plaid flannels. “Hon, could you put that in the fridge?” he asked, pointing at the bottles of milk he’d produced. Marko ran his hand along the circumference of Leo’s belly as he moved past him, slightly tickling Leo in the process. He took the bottles and placed them in the fridge before circling back. “How’re you feeling honey?” he asked. “Big. Pregnant. Massive, really,” Leo answered. “Just how you like it?” Marko replied. Leo grinned, “Yeeeaaahhh,”

Marko placed his hands firmly on the expanse of pale, pregnant skin, and started kissing. Leo squirmed on his throne of pregnancy as his husband moved slowly up his belly toward his face. Marko gave him a deep, passionate kiss on the lips, causing Leo’s breath to shake slightly. “You love me so much,” he said in his quivering voice. “I”m so massive and pregnant and huge and round and you adore me like this.” he continued, getting a little emotional. “Of course I do,” replied Marko, giving his lovely husband a side-hug. “You’re my person, and you’re carrying a lot of persons, just for me, and that’s not easy. And I appreciate it. And I want you to know that I love you, both for doing that and for just being you!” Said Marko tenderly. Leo teared up a little, reaching out for another hug. Marko obliged, Leo wiping a couple tears on Marko’s 80’s style denim button-up.

“I couldn’t do all this without you, y’know… all… THIS!” Leo gestured to his astounding belly, which nudged with movement slightly in response. “You shouldn’t ever have to, babe. That’s why we have each other,” The two shared a tender silence, Marko rocking back and forth slowly. Leo sniffed and shook his head, “Augh, sorry. Pregnancy hormones… y’know… make me all emotional.” he said. “You’re allowed to be emotional, babe,” reassured Marko. “I know…” nodded Leo. 

Leo’s tummy rumbled and Marko chuckled, “You also get emotional when you’re hungry…” he pointed out. Leo laughed his bubbly, infectious laugh. “Yeah, I can’t argue with that… lemme see… the babies want…” he paused, “Potato soup!” Marko nodded, making his way to the kitchen to cook a huge batch. “Anything for you, my love,”

[llendrinall]

As we all know, Charlie Weasley could have played for Britain had he not gone off chasing dragons. There’s a lot of gold that comes with being a good international player. What do you think it would have been like if the Weasleys were doing better financially?

Frankly, I don’t think things would change all that much. Not everybody is a Ronaldo or a Messi (to draw parallels with football/soccer) making really stupid amounts of money. At least during the first few years, until Charlie became a Big Name, he would make money, maybe even tons of money, but I doubt it would be enough to change things significantly.

Mostly I think Charlie would be very unhappy and Percy’s break with the family would be much more intense (what! After the way he behaved in canon? Yes, more than that. Percy would be the next Charlie, getting a job far away and visiting home rarely).

The question here is: why are the Weasleys poor? There is a quick and dirty answer, which is that JKR wanted a rich=bad, poor= good - noble, structure. But she didn’t build a reason as to whyit is so. (There is also no reason why the Malfoys are rich, but money has inertia so we can half buy it). Thus, she accidentally made the Weasleys come across as reeeeally financially irresponsible and the creators of their own poverty.

Let’s look at the money. Supposedly, Hogwarts is free for all students, which makes sense because a significant portion of those students will me muggleborns and I can’t imagine how that conversation would go with their parents (“Your child is gifted! Magical! Now let us take them for 10 months of the year and give us money”). Hogwarts budget must come from the Ministry and the expenses are supervised by the Board of Governors. This, together with how big the Ministry infrastructure seems to be, makes me think that taxes in the wizarding world must be pretty high.

(US readers, double whatever number you are thinking).

Let’s say… 40% of income at the very least. That’s a big chunk for the Weasleys, considering they only have one salary. Since Arthur is overlooked for promotions, we can guess his salary isn’t high. He is head of a department, but it’s a joke department.

The books hint that the Weasleys own the land they live in. If they were renting the Burrow, and it would be hilariousif their landlord were Malfoy, then the house should be in a better state and they wouldn’t be responsible for the gnomes or the ghoul. Since there was no dramatic subplot about Malfoy trying to kick them out, I will assume they own the house and the land. Maybe they have a mortgage on it? One with ridiculous high rates, for argument’s sake.

So that’s most of the money accounted for. What other expenses do they have? According to the ONS the average UK household, after taxes, has a budget as follows (simplified):

Housing (rent, interest and upkeep) – 33%

Food and utilities – 20%

Transport – 14%

Recreation – 12%

Holidays – 11%

Restaurants – 7%

Other – 3%

Let’s say that the mortgage has an insane rate, so 40% of the budget, after taxes, is going there. But we can scratch transportation right away since they have apparition and side apparition and, more importantly, they have nowhere to go. The kids are homeschooled and the one person in the household who has to go to work everyday, can simply apparate right before the office. So that 14% of transportation can go to the housing budget.

Next, food. The Weasleys have many more children than average so the food expense should be higher. On the other hand, they have a lot of land. Supposedly a plot of land of 24x30m (80x100 feet or, for the Americans, about the size of a small Starbucks, the kind that is integrated inside a business) is enough to feed one person for a year in an exclusively plant-based diet. My experience is that a plot of 10x10 meters (32x32 feet or a small Subway shop) can feed a family of 4 if they supplement with eggs and milk and they are smart with the crop distribution.

If the Weasleys kept hens and an orchard, they could keep the food costs low enough that the large family size wouldn’t matter. Plus, during the teenage years, when the calorie demand is higher, the kids are in Hogwarts 10 out of 12 months of the year.

This still leaves them with a very small budget. But considering the only thing magic can’t produce is a) food b) a property deed, almost everything else can be procured with a spell. Furniture wear and tear? A reparo will take care of that. Kids are growing and we need bigger beds? Transfiguration. Clothes? Buy the fabric and use a spell. Maybe it won’t be pretty, but it will be cheap. There will be many luxuries they can’t afford. No eating out, no holidays, no fancy broomsticks. And there are some unavoidable expenses, like school supplies (although books could be reused). Although with the exception of Ginny, there are 2-3 years between children so they have time to save. The moment a kid reaches Hogwarts age they have to make a big investment of wand, cauldron, etc. and then they can write them off. The high taxes also mean they have services like free healthcare and free education with board and room.

It’s a difficult situation. But notice that it’s one that I have created myself. We don’t know if they have a mortgage and we don’t know the tax duties. I’m just coming up with reasons for the expenses while not giving them supplemental income, like Molly selling preserves and whatnot.

I still think that things shouldn’t be so tight that they can’t afford a new wand for each kid. Yet Ron went to Hogwarts with Charlie’s old wand and spent a whole academic year with his wand broken. The Weasleys should had been able to afford a wand. Sure, they just bought Ginny’s school package, but Harry gave her some of the books. It might set them back, it might mean no new robes for the family, but they ought to have that money. Books you can reuse and hope the content is pretty much the same. Wands, you cannot. With broken wands, you are putting your child’s education and even life in danger.

Ron didn’t get the new wand because it was useful for the story that his wand was broken, but the internal logic of the story speaks of extreme economic irresponsibility. Despite all the excuses I tried to come up with (high taxes, high mortgage, Molly is working all day at the garden) not giving Ron a new wand points at a situation of extreme financial ignorance.

So, if Charlie went the Quidditch route the Weasleys would do a bit better, they might pay off their debt, but I don’t think they would be able to grow savings because they simply don’t know how. Charlie would have the added stress of not only performing well in his job but also being the main bread-winner for the whole family. Percy, who is quite observant, would have constant fights about what he considers unnecessary luxuries. He would resent his father even more and he would accept the first job that took him out of the country. The twins would probably resent Ron and Ginny a bit, since they would be the ones to experience having new things.

Charlie would have to make truly astounding amounts of money so that his earnings overcome the family’s blundering of the budget.