#and at some point when theres too many kids they complain about getting so tiny pieces

[bigmack2go]

Brazillian Albert who always splits his first piece of cake and gives it to Race and Spot at the same time and Race and Spot who have no idea why he does this but never say anything cause they think it’s cute

Thats it. Thats the post.

Thanks for coming to my ted talk

[toomanyfandoms02]

Date Day // Draco Malfoy x Reader

I give you a realistic Draco. I lowkey don't like writing him like this but I think this is just how Draco would be in relationships, realistically.

SEND IN HARRY POTTER REQUEST!! IF YOU NEED A LITTLE INSPO, FIND MY 100 DIALOGUE PROMPTS!!!

Summary - Its the last day of summer before going back to school and you both plan a date day. (They are going into their 6th year before everything went to complete shit ahhaha) Tiny bit steamy near the end.

Warnings - ^^ Little bit of steamy at the end, nothing big.

Word Count - 1.7k

Draco and I had the whole date planned out. We didn't want to waste the last day we had before we had to go to Hogwarts for our 6th year.

Draco planned the first half, which was just beginning, and I would be planning the last half of the day.

Something that I think many of our friends (and even our family) had misconstrued was that Draco wasn't romantic. His tough exterior and demeanor made him seem calloused and ridged. Thought I will not lie to you, he could run quite thin at times. But his mom had clearly raised him right, he knew how to treat a girl.

So here we were, sitting on a picnic blanket behind the Malfoy manner. Draco had brought all of my favorite things to snack on. Cauldron cakes, Treacle Tarts, and Sherbet Lemons. Along with a little bit of fire whiskey that he snuck from his parents, which were not home at the moment.

We filled our stomachs with sweets and got ourselves tipsy on fire whiskey. (Draco insisted our next activity would be more fun if we weren't completely coherent.)

"One, two, three." And we downed another shot, I chased it with some water and shook my head from the strong alchohol.

"I think if we drink anymore we will be more than tipsy." I laughed, putting the bottle back in the basket. "Onto whatever you have planned next, yeah?" I grabbed Dracos hand and watched a smile creep onto his face, squeezing it to get another reaction out of him. His smile grew wider as he looked into my eyes.

"What are you doing lovely?" He squeezed my hand back with the same grin. It was so nice to see him smile, he seemed much more glum this summer than usual.

"Nothing at all." And with that I stood, bringing him with me. We quietly entered the house, making sure his parents were truly not home still. He set the fire whiskey back in their cabinet with a clink and entered one of his fire places, a fistful of floo powder in one hand and the other outstretched to me. I took it, stuffing myself next to him and holding onto his torso. He shouted a place I had never heard of before and we were suddenly in a shop.

"You know of muggle fairs." It came out more as a statement than a question, so I just nodded. "Well they've started a magical one." He pushed the doors open to the shop, revealing a bustling area filled with happy kids and adults alike. I could feel the fire whiskey hitting me now, and I could tell Draco was right.

This will be more fun when you're tipsy.

We ran around for hours playing clearly rigged games and completely failing at them due to our state. I hadn't seen Draco so giggly since we were kids.

And I loved it.

He was much more lovey and loosened up when he had a little bit of alchohol. He didn't think so hard. He would come behind me and hug my shoulders, kiss my neck softly when we were waiting in line for something. And when I was lucky, he would kiss me hastily on the lips. These were things he would usually do in private, where no one could see how soft he actually was. But when he was careless, PDA was nearly a priority for him.

After playing loads of games and winning only one tiny stuffed bear, we were off to my part of the date.

Any time it was my turn to plan a date, I tried to make it like this. To bring out a part of him only I could see, so we were watching movies at my house.

Now, my house was by no means the size of Dracos, he was born into a far more fortunate household. But we were fortunate enough to have a movie room. A simple room with a big tv and long couch to lay on. Or in our case, cuddle on. Draco had told me in the past how warm I was, and how much he loved that about me because of the contrast of his cold body. I laid a blanket on the leather couch, bringing two pillows and another much larger blanket along with it to drape on top of us. He lay down on the couch, his long legs outstretched. He opened his arms to me with a smile, patting his chest. I started The Breakfast Club and came to lay on his chest and across his body lazily. He stroked his hand through my hair and kissed my head multiple times as I pulled the blanket up to my chin.

"You really are warm you know." He said, his arm snaking mindlessly up my shirt. He traced patterns on my tummy with his cold fingers.

"Yes, I can feel that." I giggled, taking his other hand and kissing the back of it. "Maybe you should wear warmer clothes." I craned my neck back with a smirk to look his in the eye. He rolled his playfully and kept on with his pattern making on my stomach.

"I'm just cold-blooded darling." He stated. We watched through the first movie and I changed it to another, climbing back onto Draco differently this time, considering I was tired. I laid on my stomach, legs tangled with his. Wrapping my arms around his neck softly and setting my head on his shoulder into the crook of his neck. A planted a kiss there just to tease him, knowing he likes it when I do that. I felt his chest raise a little faster after the kiss, so I planted another, innocently.

A small huff could be felt from his nose on my neck. He brought his hand up to scratch my back, knowing it would stop and distract me from whatever I was doing, and it always worked. I would never not love these days. Days where we could sit in comfortable silence and enjoy eachother.

The second movie had ended and I stood with a stretch. I had been sitting for far to long.

"Okay, theres one more thing but it doesn't really count as the date. Do you wanna see me try on some new outfits I got? I had to get a new uniform, my old one was becoming a bit small." Draco nodded eagerly at the statement, letting me drag him upstairs to my room.

I shut the door firmly and picked up the pile of clothes and spread them out a bit, it wasn't much.

Now if this had been us a year ago, I would have told Draco to turn around. But for obvious reasons, this would not be the first time he had seen me with minimal clothes on.

"Now don't get all worked up." I pointed at his accusingly and with a small playful glare. His hands shot up in defense and he sat in the chair in the corner of my room.

I removed my shirt and slipped on the new sweater I had bought. It was dark green with a big white stripe in the middle on the chest area. Inside the line it read Slytherin and it had a collar. It was also clearly too big for me.

"I was hoping you would wear it sometimes so I could wear it after and it would smell like you." I told Draco, taki0ng it off and handing it to him. Slipping on my new white button up and vest, I slipped off my jeans to put the skirt on. Draco averted his eyes, he told me this was out a respect, for I did not ask him to look at me. He had told me that a few months ago. I found it incredibly sexy how respectful he was, what can I say, I find respect amazing.

But immediately as I put it on something felt off. This seemed even *smaller* than the one I had before. Maybe I was wrong?

"Draco, is this skirt suppose to be this short?" His eyes scanned up my legs, eyes widening slightly until he reached my face. I could see a clear blush reach his cheeks. It was quite amusing seeing Draco blush because when he did, it was so obvious on the contrast of his pale skin.

"I-I don't think so." He replied, flustered to all hell.

"I think they gave me the wrong one, damnit." I laughed, trying to make the skirt go as far down as possible but miserably failing when it didnt go any further than right past my butt. I looked back over at Draco with a pouty look, just to see him with his eyes nearly closed and addams apple bobbing in this throat. "You okay there Malfoy?" I teased.

"You're making it awfully hard not to get worked up when you look so beautiful." He said barely above a whisper, not helping that his hands slightly muffled the words.

"Oh you like this?" He looked at me with a look as if to say *No shit Sherlock*. I then made the decision to walk over to him, placing myself on his lap lightly. I ran my hands through his hair slowly, starting at his forehead.

"Must you tease me like this woman?" He complained with a whine, a thing you also don't hear much from Draco, any kind of begging or whining.

So I kissed him, pulling his head closer to mine and deepening it immediately. He kissed back with force, we hadn't done anything like this in a while. His hands wandered my body until they rested next to my butt. He grabbed at it and began moving my hips against his, I caught on and began doing it myself. We had done that for two minutes before I heard the front door slam. I jumped from his lap, yelling hi to my parents.

I looked down at Draco to see a *problem*.

"I'm going to distract them and say you're in the bathroom. Go take care of that." I laughed, my hand covering my mouth so I wouldn't burst into tears giggling.

"Very funny Y/n." He replied sarcastically, walking himself to my bathroom.

This date day went even better than I anticipated.

[hollowempire]

Lost || Illinois x Reader

Request: Toni suggesting reader snuggles with Illy for the first times. perhaps also a smanch. + Lexi giving me an idea for some minor angst

Summary: Lots of crazy things can happen on adventures.

Word Count: 1,668

WARNING: Swearing, heights, near-death

Why had she agreed to follow Illinois into this cave?

Y/n asked herself this question as she allowed the man himself to lead her through the seemingly never-ending tunnel system that extended through out the entire mountain. When they realized they were lost, y/n made the mistake of trusting Illinois to get them out, thinking he knew what he was doing. He didn’t.

“Why don’t you just admit we’re lost?” y/n asked her associate, as Illinois liked to call it. They’d known each other for a while, a partnership that wasn’t even supposed to happen. Y/n followed him after that first adventure and now every single time they manage to get into some sort of trouble.

“Because we’re not lost.” he insisted. A stubborn man, y/n came to realize as their friendship grew. Illinois refused to call it a friendship, though. He couldn’t afford to like people and preferred to keep it at a professional level, which to him meant no friends allowed.

“Illinois.” y/n said sternly. She stopped in her place and crossed her arms. When Illinois noticed that he could no longer hear the crunch of dirt from y/n’s boots he stopped, sighed, and turned around.

“Yes?”

“Look, if you wanna roam cluelessly through this impossible maze of tunnels, fine, but first let’s please get some rest,” y/n said. “I’m exhausted.”

Illinois shrugged. He had to admit, he was a bit tired too. “Alright, but first let’s go find a safe place to sleep... or at least as safe as it can be.”

Y/n nodded gratefully and quickly caught up to Illinois, who was already walking again. They eventually found themselves in a dome shaped area, the ground fairly flat. It seemed pretty stable, the opening wasn’t big enough for any boulders to pass through, and it didn’t seem to have any traps. Safe enough.

As y/n set her stuff down and went to get their sleeping bags out, y/n realized something. There was only one.

“Uh, Illy?”

“We’re not friends, no nicknames,” he reminded. There was a tiny bit of annoyance in his voice. That amount was about to grow once he heard the news.

“Right, sorry,” y/n said, dropping her head and twiddling with her thumbs.

“What is it this time?”

“We appear to have lost a sleeping bag,” y/n said, holding up the one she actually had.

“Are you kidding me?” he asked. He set down his bag and stride over to where y/n sat in the cold ground. “I’m not sleeping on this,” he stated, tapping the ground with his foot.

“Well I’m not either,” y/n said. She stood up with the sleeping bag in her hands. She spread it out on the surface of the cave floor. It was fairly large. “We could share...”

Illinois made a disapproving face, but he also saw that there was enough room for both of them. And so he agreed.

Getting comfortable was hard. The two of them twisted in place and put their limbs everywhere, which of course annoyed the other despite the fact that they were both doing the same thing.

“Motherfucker I will end us both!” y/n threatened when Illinois accidentally smacked her the fourth time.

“Theres no need to swear,” he grumbled.

“Then stay still!”

After the 10th time of getting a face full of his arm, y/n wrapped her arms around his midsection. Her hold on him was tight enough so that he could move and he couldn’t get himself free.

“What are you doing?”

“You won’t stay still so I’ll make you,” she explained as she rested her cheek against his back.

Illinois decided to just go to sleep. There wasn’t any point in arguing and he actually was quite comfortable.

Illinois woke up a couple hours later to find that he was snuggled up in y/n’s arms, face pressed into her chest. He was one of his legs draped over her thigh and his arms encircled her waist.

“Y/n, wake up,” Illinois said loudly.

Y/n reacted too quickly, moving right away without seeming a little bit startled.

“How long have you been awake?” he asked in an accusing voice as he and y/n both got up.

“A while... you looked comfortable and didn’t want to wake you,” she admitted, refusing to meet his gaze. “Sorry,” she added quietly.

Illinois shook his head and rolled up the sleeping bag. Without a word the two were on their way again.

After about an hour of trying to find their way out, it seemed they were even more lost than before. All thanks to Illinois, who was sure he knew the way. They walked along the side of a ravine, neither of the two really paying much attention to their surroundings at this point. They were busy arguing instead.

“I know what I’m doing, kid, you just have to let me do this!” Illinois said. He powered on ahead, stepping over rocks and cracks in the path to avoid slipping and meeting his demise at the bottom of the ravine. No amount of water down there could save anyone who fell, especially considering they were likely to hit a bunch of jagged edges sticking out of the side.

“No, you don’t! All thanks to you, we’ve been wandering around this cave for hours and haven’t seen any familiar areas, just new places that aren’t helping us out!” y/n argued back, also stepping over rocks and cracks. Illinois had given her many tips on how.

“I do know what I’m doing!”

“No you don’t!”

“Yes I do!”

“No you d-”

It seems Illinois’s tips for staying safe when walking an unstable path didn’t account for ground that had the appearance of being fine but had actually softened over time. As y/n stepped over a patch of ground near the edge, it crumbled beneath her and caused her to slide down the new slope it had left.

“Fuck!” Y/n shouted. She grabbed onto the edge and managed to set her feet on some bits of rock sticking out to keep herself from falling any further.

“There’s no need to be dramati- y/n?” Illinois mistook her cry as frustration at him, but soon realized she had disappeared.

“Down here,” she replied, her voice frantic. Despite her best efforts she was still slipping, her fingers weren’t strong enough and there was nothing she could get a good grip on either way.

Illinois sped over to the edge and squatted down. He looked over the edge and met y/n’s fearful gaze.

“Careful, there’s no point in both of us dying,” y/n said, forcing a laugh.

“You’re not gonna die,” Illinois said surely. He extended his hand to her but she didn’t take it.

“Yes I am, I mena just look at me,” she said. “Besides, you said it yourself. Your partners don’t tend to last,”

“Take my hand,”

Y/n shook her head. “There’s no point,”

“Y/n, please,” Illinois demanded, grabbing hold of her wrists.

Again, she shook here head. She could feel her grip getting weaker and there was no way Illinois was strong enough to hold onto her wrists for long. “What you said when we first met, you were right...” she admitted, referring to all his talk about falling in love with him. “I love you, Illy,”

Something happened then in his mind. As y/n let go Illinois immediately grabbed hold of her hands and pulled her up, struggling to keep himself from toppling over the edge with her. He still managed it.

“You could’ve died, asshole!” y/n scolded as soon as she was back on solid ground. She had landed on top of Illinois and stood up right after impact. As he rose up she smacked his shoulder.

“What was that for?”

“You always talk about how we’re not friends, how all your partners end up dying, how I’m gonna end up the same way and it’s not gonna matter,” she shouted, hands on her hips as Illinois cowered against the wall. “What changed? Why were you so willing to risk your life to save me?”

For possibly the first time in his entire life, Illinois was quiet. He didn’t know what to say.

Y/n raised her eyebrows expectantly. “So?” she asked, taking a step towards him. There was nowhere for Illinois to go, he was already backed up against the wall and had to face y/n instead of ignoring the problem like he would prefer to do.

“Because I love you too,” he said. He said it confidently, remembering he still had a personality to keep up with and couldn’t let himself turn into a mumbling mess.

“Oh, good... now maybe if we can get out of here I’ll kiss you,”

Illinois smiled. “Well then let’s-”

“I’m leading the way,” y/n interrupted. She walked in front of him and he complained the whole way, but under y/n’s guidance they were out within the hour. She wondered how he had every managed to return home before he had her.

Now out in the open, y/n suddenly felt shy as she eyed Illinois. It was much easier to admit feelings when your life was in danger or you were angry. Y/n was neither of those things at the moment.

“Are you going to go through with what you said or was it a lie to get me to listen to you?” Illinois asked, startling y/n when she turned around to find him right behind her. They stood a few inches apart, close enough to feel his breath on her face.

She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. Of course she wasn’t lying to him, but was he lying to her?

Y/n decided on a quick peck, and Illinois whined when she left for the car right after.

“You’ll get more after you take me out on a date!”

Until she was sure Illinois wasn’t playing her, she’d have to make him put a bit of effort into getting into an actual relationship. He is fully willing to chase her across the globe.

[patrocool]

i.

It was early morning in Financial District. Commuters bustled around the siblings as they exited the subway station onto William Street. The pair stopped abruptly in front of the shop just outside of the station, much to the dismay of a woman behind them, who nearly ran into them with a curse.

Sarah Jacobs had worked hard to get to this point. And damn it, she was proud of herself. Sure, it didnt look like a lot right now- a tiny little hole in the wall right next to the entrance to the A and C train that was probably about the size of her bedroom in her tiny Manhattan apartment- but it was hers and she was proud to own the place.

Davey held up the key with a soft smile. "Planning on going in any time soon?" He asked lightly. She grinned as she took the key from his fingers and unlocked the door, stepping in. It was musty, dusty, dirty, and a bit stuffy, but none of that mattered. What mattered was what it was going to look tomorrow, and then the next day, and the day after that.

She clapped her hands together and set down her bag of cleaning supplies. "We've got a lot of work to do, Davey!"

ii.

Davey carefully placed the finishing touches on the flowers in stock, making them look nice in their holders. He stepped back, hands on his hips, and smiled. He turned to watch his sister as she carefully wrote the last few things on her chalkboard behind the counter.

The store looked perfect. Picturesque, to the point where Davey wouldnt be surprised if photographers came in looking for the perfect picture. Sarah set down her chalk and brushed her fingers off on her apron. She turned, nervously brushing stray hairs behind her ears, and straightening her light blue blouse. "Hows it look, David?"

He gave her two thumbs up. "It looks like a hipster's wet dream," he promised her teasingly.

She laughed and threw a rag at him. "You're such an ass, get out of my store with your gross face! You're gonna be late for class."

He snickered and leaned over the counter to grab his bag. "I'll turn on the open sign and unlock the door on my way out. If I dont, you probably never will."

As he left, he saw a young woman hesitating outside, looking curious. He held the door open. "Going in?" He asked.

She shook her head and hurried away down the street. He shrugged and headed to class. Sarah would have customers soon enough.

iii.

After the fourth day of trying to peek in the flower shop to and from class, Katherine Plumber finally gave in and slipped inside. A soft ring of the bell alerted the quiet shop, and she looked around in awe. Exposed brick on one wall, plants in baskets hung from the ceiling, fairy lights strung across the walls. Beautiful displays of potted plants and cut flowers alike. A chalkboard hung behind the counter listed prices and deals and specials, and then the most beautiful woman Katherine had ever laid eyes on came out of the back room, smiling brightly at the sight of a customer.

Dark hair in loose curls that reached her ribs, brown eyes that seemed to sparkle in the light, circle frame glasses perched on her nose. She wore a yellow turtleneck and high waisted mom jeans with scuffed converse, and a well worn apron. On her apron, someone stitched in the name "Sarah" with blue thread.

"Can I help you with anything?" The shopkeeper asked her cheerfully, and Katherine never felt more out of place.

"Just- just looking," she stammered awkwardly. She tugged at the sleeves of her leather jacket, glancing down at the pins and patches adorning it and hoping there wasnt anything that the sweet shopkeeper would take the wrong way. Usually, she didnt care if other people didnt like her opinions, but damn it, the girl was pretty as all get out, and her big ass "punch nazis in the face" patch on her back didnt really fit with the whole soft flower shop vibe.

She bit her lip, looking at the plants and trying not to stare at the girl. She focused on the many different colors of roses instead.

"'Fuck Cops'- now that's a sentiment I can get behind," the girl said, but she was so much closer this time, and Katherine jumped at the sudden noise.

Katherine blinked slowly. "Oh, uh. Yeah," she said, and laughed a little, internally cringing. God, she sounded like an idiot.

She giggled. "Sorry, I'm just excited to see a customer. I havent had a lot so far, I just opened a couple days ago."

"I know," Katherine said quickly, and quickly winced when the girl cocked a brow. "Sorry, no, I meant, I know you opened a couple days ago, I take the A train to school every day, so."

She snorted and nodded. "I see, a bit less creepy when you put it like that," she said teasingly. She held out a hand to shake. "I'm Sarah. Welcome to Newspaper Row Flowers."

"Katherine," she replied, shaking her hand. She smiled a bit. "You know Newspaper Row was actually over on Park Row, right? Next to City Hall?"

Sarah laughed, cheeks pink. "Oh, I know. It's because my great grandmother used to own a flower shop over next to the old Tribune building on Park Row, and that's what she called it. She lost her shop in the Depression though, and died when I was young, and it was my mom's dream to open a flower shop in her honor. She never managed to, and uh. Well, she died too, a couple years ago, so I did it."

Katherine's heart felt like it was melting in her chest. God, how could she already have so much affection for this girl she only just met? "I'm sorry for your loss. But you've really created something wonderful here, and I'm sure they would both be proud."

Sarah beamed, and Katherine would do anything to make her smile like that again.

iv.

"And so Davey's like 'what the fuck', and Les is like 'who is this guy' and Jack is straddling the windowsill, looking at us like he expects my dad to get a gun, and finally, Dad is like 'hes not Catholic, is he?' And poor Davey is like 'no, pa', and for some godforsaken reason, Mom assumes that means hes Jewish. And knowing he doesnt have a family, immediately invites- and by invites, I mean loosely intimidated- Jack to come celebrate all holidays with us. And so now, instead of breaking it to Mom that Jack isnt religious, Davey just let's them believe it. Cause I mean, they're pretty fine with the whole gay thing, but god forbid we be romantically involved with someone who isnt Jewish." Sarah finished explaining with a laugh and roll of her eyes. "So yeah, that's why Jack is here fucking around with a dreidel even though Hanukkah has passed. Hes convinced that theres a secret trick to it that he has to master by next year."

Jack looked up and pouted sourly in her direction. "We all know Davey cant be that good based on luck alone!" He said for the thousandth time.

Katherine laughed, elbows on the counter. Her red curls were pulled back in a ponytail and she had her signature leather jacket on. "Sounds like your family is a real fun bunch. Ironically, my dad is the exact opposite, he doesn't care if I dont marry into a Jewish family, but he very much cares if I marry a girl."

Sarah made a face. "Gross. He sounds like such an ass whenever you talk about him."

Katherine nodded. "Probably because he is," she said very seriously. And then the two erupted into giggles.

"Ew, go get a room," Jack complained.

"You're in my shop, Kelly!"

V.

"Sarah, I need your help with something." Katherine came in looking nervous, an expression Sarah rarely saw on her friend.

"Of course, anything, what do you need?" Sarah said immediately, abandoning the flowers she was making out of newspapers.

Katherine swallowed, pausing. Her fingers fidgeted with the necklace around her neck. "Um. Well. There's uh... there's this girl I really like. And she... she's just amazing, and I want to tell her that I really like her. And she loves flowers, so..."

Sarah smiled and cooed, even though her chest hurt an awful lot. "That's so-" heartbreaking? Disappointing? Sad? "-cute! Flowers are such a good way to express feelings. Do you want to do it through flower language or do you have specific flowers you want to do it with?"

Katherine bit her lip. "Well, I was hoping a bit of both, but I'm not sure what kind of flowers she likes, so I was hoping you'd help with that."

Sarah nodded. "Of course! Let's get to work, hm?"

In the end, the bouquet consisted of red carnations (admiration), gardenias ("you're lovely"), mistletoe ("kiss me"), and white violets ("let's take a chance on happiness"). Sarah very gently wrapped the stems in newspaper and tied it with some twine while Katherine wrote something on a card.

Katherine paid and took the bouquet from Sarah, carefully fixing the card in it. She stayed after the transaction, simply standing there and staring at the flowers in her arms.

"What are you waiting for? Go get your girl!" Sarah chastized with a laugh. She needed Katherine to leave so she could take an early lunch and cry a little.

"You're right," Katherine said. She took in a big breath and let it out slowly before jutting her arms out, offering the bouquet. "Here."

"What?" Sarah asked, eyebrows furrowed. "Did you change your mind or-"

"They're for you," Katherine said, staring at the wall. "Just- read the card?"

Sarah blinked slowly and took the bouquet carefully, and opened the card.

In it was written simply:

"I like you, Sarah. Have since I first came into your shop. And I'd like you even more if you went to dinner with me?"

Sarah very gently put the bouquet down on the counter. And then she kissed Katherine.

+1

A year and a half later, Sarah come home to find a bundle of myrtle at her place on the table. Instead of a string, there was a ring. Myrtle, the Hebrew emblem of marriage.

Katherine cleared her throat, smiling softly. "Your parents will have at least one kid who marries into a Jewish family. If-if you say yes, that is."

Sarah's eyes filled with tears. "How could I not?"

[zoeygreensimblr]

Stay Beautiful (episode 15)

"Can I just have a tiny clue about the surprise" I beg Angus, Wednesday night after the gym, sitting in his office of blandness.

"How are your Essay's coming, there will be no surprise if you haven't finished them" He asks me, I swear he's worse than Don and Mr Landgaarb put together

"I've finished my Simlish one" I explain, hoping that will win him over and he will give me a clue

"And History? Zoey, we had a deal remember?"  He reminds me

"I'll start it Sunday, it will be done by this time next week." I promise him

"And you have to leave time to do a practice test or two, I want you to be well prepared when you take your final exams" He harps on

"Yeah, yeah, yeah, practice tests, got it. Clue please?" I think I'd sell my soul at this point just to know what the surprise is.

"I'll give you two clues" He tells me and I get so excited I jump up from my seat and run up to him for a hug, "Wow, I haven't even told you the clues yet and you're all over me."

"Are you complaining?" I ask him joking

"Never" He says, kissing the top of my head, "Ok, clue 1, You will need swim wear because the climate is warm there will be a spa", I smile at him, I wore him down

"Is that one clue or three?" I ask, still confused about where we could be going

"That was one clue but I threw in some detail to tease you" He laughs, "Now clue two, we will be flying there".

"Ive never flown anywhere before" I tell him, getting more excited

"You're too cute baby" He laughs, "What do you want to do tonight anyway?" He asks me and I just stare at him, suggestively, he just laughs and asks "What else do you want to do tonight Zoey? We could go for dinner or see a movie?"

"Don't you have to work early tomorrow?" I ask

"I have Thursdays off" He informs me, how did I not know this? Maybe it's never come up before because I'm  usually at school every Thursday.

"I'd like to go out for dinner" I tell him, "But nowhere fancy, just somewhere casual coz I only packed casual clothes" I add

"So burgers and fries is what she desires tonight?" He asks, laughing, "You're determined to make me fat" He says, shaking his head

"I'd still love you if you're fat Angus" I promise, he grabs my hand and places it under his shirt so I can feel his washboard abs

"Say goodbye Zoey" He knows me too well

"Fine, salad it is" I laugh with him.

Angus held my hand as we walked from his office to the desk at the front. Annabelle had returned to work today but still looked unwell. We stop to farewell her on our way out and I remember I had knitted her a scarf, I pull it out of my bag and drape it around her neck.

"Oh Zoey, it's beautiful, thank you" She says, giving me a hug

"It's nothing Annabelle, I was thinking about you all last week and thought it would keep you warm at work" I explain, "If that's ok with the boss of course? I know it's not uniform but I didn't like the thought of Annabelle getting more sick overtime the door opens and lets those cold, windy gushes in" I probably should have cleared it with Angus first

"It's fine Zoey, It does look beautiful too. I'm more concerned about when you found the time in your schedule to knit a scarf?" He frets and I squeeze his hand

"It really didn't take that long" I assure him, "Knitting is how I destress and writing that essay stressed me out a lot"

"I'm sorry Zoey, I didn't mean to make you feel bad about it, you destress how ever you need to, I remember it being a stressful period" He pulls me in close to him, I know he means well, he just doesn't want me to fail.

"You remember year 12 Angus?" Annabelle laughs at him

"I remember fucking it up and having my arse handed to me by Landgaarb and then again by Imogen" He says seriously, "I don't want that for Zoey"

"Zoey is nothing like you were Gus" Annabelle tries to rationalise with him and I hug him tightly

"I know she's not, I just worry, you both know that" He resolves

It's interesting seeing Angus and Annabelle talk about the past that I was never part of and for me it's so hard to imagine Angus doing anything that would warrant getting expelled in his final year, the Angus I know is always in control and structured.

On the walk home, when it's just us I feel that it's the best time to ask him more about why he was expelled, I know it's a sensitive subject and i'm hoping he trusts me enough to open up.

"How close where you to completing before Mr Landgaarb kicked you out" I ask in a small voice. He stops walking and turns to looks at me, it's dark but I can still see his facial features in the streetlights, like he's tormented by the memories.

"It was about this time, we had just started term 3, I had spent all my holidays working on 3 assignments I had and Steph was so pissed off because I hadn't spent any time with her over Winter break. Steph was always angry at me about something so that was nothing new. I was in the top 2 of my year too but I wasn't a good kid, I'd get into fights and mouth off" He explains and it breaks my heart to hear that he was so close to finishing and it was taken away.

"Was it because you got into a fight?" I ask him, brushing his hair out of his eyes.

"I need a haircut, I should probably do that before we go away" He says, changing the subject and I decide to let it go.

"I love you Angus, you're perfect to me" I give him a confidence boost

"Starving is what I am baby, I'm tempted to get street food although I've heard bad things about the Pufferfish, that if it's not cooked right you can die" he grabs my hand and walks us to where the food stalls are, "You wanted casual" he reminds me.

We order hamburgers from one of the stalls and wait for our food, I snuggle into Angus to keep warm.

"I'm not going to tell you why I was kicked out, you have this image of who you think I am and I don't want to destroy that image. I love you Zoey but I want you to understand that this is the one thing I will never tell you. I'm not proud of what happened and if I could change it I would." He has that pained look on his face again.

"I understand, I won't ask again, it's in the past" I reassure him

We eat our burgers in front of the fire, the crackling flames create the perfect romantic aura.

"Did you like the burger?" Angus enquires

"It was so juicy, I loved it, have you had street food from there before?" I ask, knowing if he did it wouldn't be often given his aversion to carbs.

"Never, you're just a bad influence Amelia, making me fall off the wagon" He laughs

"I have a way for you to work it off" I suggest

"Where?" He asks

"Where what?" I reply, confused

"Where do you suggest we work it off, keeping in mind you can't pick any location we've done it in before, those are the new rules" He challenges me, "That rules out here in the lounge room, my bedroom and the laundry, oh and Immie's room coz thats just a world of creepy"

"We didn't really have...sex, in the laundry though" I remind him.

"You came on the washing machine Zoey, I'm counting it" He gives me that cheeky smile. Think Zoey, you can be creative

"The kitchen?" I decide, based on nothing more than that it's close to the lounge room where we are sitting and anywhere downstairs will be too cold.

"I want you to go into the kitchen, take your clothes off and bend over the island bench and wait for me" He orders me and I obey

I don't hear him walk up behind me but I feel him run his hand up my inner thigh and slip his fingers inside me

"Thats my good girl, always so wet" He praises me, moving his fingers to my clit and my breathing starts to quicken, "Are you ready baby"

"Where are you putting it" I ask, suddenly aware we never discussed trying anal and I'm not ready to be that experimental

"Same place I always go" He assures me and i feel him slide in, he settles in and starts penetrating, I instinctively push back so he can go in deeper, he spanks me hard enough to send the electric volts through my body and I can't help but let out a loud "fuck" which just spurs him on, his hand leaves my ass and slowly makes it way to my left breast, he cups it and squeezes my nipple, it's enough to send me over the edge, I collapse on the bench and feel Angus have his own climax seconds after mine.

"Sorry baby, that was over before it started but the bench was great choice" I feel him-up out of me and I still can't move, that was absolutely satisfying  and I'm spent. I slowly peel myself off the bench. I have no idea where Angus has disappeared to until I hear the bath water running, I make my way downstairs, naked and cold and find him in the bathroom, he wraps a fluffy dressing gown around me and I wait for the bath to fill up so I can put the spa on.

"Fuck that was good Zoey" He says, kissing me deeply on the lips.

"I think that was my favourite so far" I inform him and he laughs

"Theres plenty more to come, maybe even tonight" He tells me, "Just for future reference though, I would always tell you before I go up your arse, no surprise attacks I promise."

He climbs in to the bath and holds out his hand for me to follow him in, we find a corner and stretch-out, me between his legs.

"Have you done that before? Anal?" I ask curiously

"Yes and I wouldn't force it on you. I wouldn't do anything to hurt you Zoey" He nuzzles into my neck

"I don't think it's for me" I tell him

"I'm perfectly ok with that Princess, I'm satisfied with what we are doing now" He reassures me, "Can I make one suggestion though?" He asks and my heart start racing, I'm not doing this right, I should be putting in more effort

"What is it?" I ask, expecting the worst

"I want you to go on the pill, we can use it as a back up method if you want to but I would feel a little bit of relief knowing we're not going to have any accidents." He suggests

"I think thats a good idea, Tess is on the pill, she goes to our doctor in Brindleton Bay but I can't ask her to come with me, she will ask too many questions" I tell him

"Zoey I will go with you" He offers, "Otherwise if you go alone you will antibiotics for the flu all because you can't say the word sex" He jokes and I splash him, he knows me all too well.

"Can we go tomorrow?" I ask

"We can go tonight if you want? There's a late night clinic just up the road, it's designed for people who need to see a doctor but not for anything serious outside of business hours and the doctors there are good too." He explains

"Is that where you go?"I ask him

"Yeah, when I need to, I do get sick sometimes." He tells me, "Do you want to go tonight or wait until tomorrow" He asks me

"Go tonight" I reply, "The doctor isn't going to poke me with anything right?" Ive seen way too many episodes of Grey's Anatomy at this point where people go in for simple health issues and the Doctors end up putting a tube down their throat or sticking a giant needle in them. Angus starts laughing at my completely rational fear.

"They're not going to poke you with anything" he says trying to keep a straight face, "I am, but they won't" He gives me that cheeky smile

The clinic is a small space placed between two giant retail stores. Theres 1 other person waiting when we arrive, we check in at the desk and the receptionist hands me a form to fill out, questions about previous medical history. Our wait is short and a female doctor calls my name and ushers me into a smaller office than the one Angus occupies at the gym but unlike his, this room is way more decorated.

"Hi Zoey, my name is Doctor Evans" She introduces herself, "what can I help you with tonight?"

My nerves kick in, I know what I'm here for but I can't say it, she's going to judge me and give me a lecture about how I should never of lost my virginity, Angus can see I'm struggling and takes me hand

"It's alright Zoey, you're in a safe place here, Dr Evans isn't going to make you feel bad" He comforts me, "Zoey is a highly anxious person, she finds it hard to talk about certain subjects, that's why I came in with her tonight" Angus explains to the doctor and I can see Dr Evans starting to understand what's going on

"Is this your boyfriend Zoey?" she asks me and I nod yes, "And are you sexually active?" she continues

"Yes" I say shyly, preparing myself for the lecture

"Zoey there's nothing to feel ashamed of, a lot girls become sexually active around your age and it's natural. My only concern is that your protected and safe."She reassures me, "Have you been tested?" She enquires and I look at Angus, he promised no needles tonight

"Zoey was a virgin before we started having sex, we use condoms every time too" Angus answers for me, Dr Evans turns her attention from me to Angus

"And when were you last tested for STIs?" she questions him

"After my last sexual encounter, I'm clean" He replies and I sit there thinking that these should have been questions I asked him before jumping into anything, I didn't even consider it. Dr Evans turns her attention back to me.

"Zoey would you like me to prescribe the pill for you?" She asks me in her concerned doctor voice.

"Yes please" I reply, my own voice is soft and shy

"I can do that tonight, I'm going to also prescribe a low dose of anti anxiety medication too" She tells me, "The pill must be taken at or around the same time every day for it to be effective and it can take up to 7 days for it to become effective so please keep using your back up form of contraception. Also I must warn you that antibiotics can make the pill ineffective so be aware of that if you are prescribed antibiotics at any stage" She says as she types and prints out two prescriptions, "Also Zoey, don't ever feel ashamed to talk to a medical professional about being sexually active, we are here to help you, never judge you" She smiles warmly at me

"Thank you Dr Evans" I say. We leave the clinic and find a late night chemist near by, I put my prescriptions in with the pharmacist and we sit and wait, Angus takes my hand and gives it a little squeeze.

"Proud of you Princess" He says

"I really didn't do anything, you did all of the talking, my nerves just took over" I'm ashamed that I couldn't speak up

"Zoey it's all good, I know you have anxiety and thats why I went with you tonight and maybe the medication for anxiety will help keep the nerves away." He comforts me

"I should have ask you that question before we did anything" my mind is going into overthinking mode

"I would of told you if you had anything to worry about, I knew I was clean and yeah, maybe we should of had that conversation, that falls on me more than you not asking, I didn't think about it honestly because I knew you were clean" He reassures me, "You're safe with me Zo, always", I feel it too.

We walk back to the apartment, past the food stalls that are packing up for the night.

"Do you want a cupcake Princess?" He asks me

"You ask me like you don't already know the answer will always be yes" I laugh

He orders 2 red velvet cupcakes and we eat them in front of the fire.

"I feel bad for Joanna" I randomly blurt out

"Why, she earns $165 a day here, I think she's not doing too bad" He laughs

"Yeah but what do you think she thinks now that she has to empty your trash bin after we've, you know?" It's only just dawned on me now that, apart from Dr Evans, Joanna would be the only other person to know Angus and I are sleeping together and I've never even met her.

"Zoey I don't give a shit what she thinks, I'm an adult" He tells me, "You worry too much about what other people think" He states the obvious. I see his point though, it's no ones business what we are doing and it's not shameful either

"I'm going to tell Tess next time I see her" I announce

"Only if you're sure? I can be there with you if you want me to be?" He's asks knowing I may need support

"Thank you, I appreciate it but I think it's best I do this alone, Tess has been my whole world for so long and now she shares it with you, I love you both but I don't want to make her feel like it's now you and me and she's been pushed out. I need sister time." I explain and then a panic sets in, I don't want Angus to feel I''m pushing him out either, "Is that OK?" I ask

"Of course thats OK Zo, you never have to feel like you're choosing Tess over me, she's your sister and your best friend" He says, kissing my head

[1spooky-dad]

listen, say what you will about fortnite, but the only context for it I have ever had was from this little fourteen year old at camp this last summer who Did Not want to be there. All he wanted was to go home and play fortnight cause that’s what he was into. his parents forced him to go to this wilderness camp that’s unplugged and full of kids who love to hike and backpack and camp under the stars. This kid didnt fit in at all. the kids in his group were annoyed by him, kids in other groups were getting irritated that all he would talk about was fortnite, even the fucking adults on staff would roll their eyes at him 90% of the time, and these people I work with are some of the nicest people I have ever met.

I may be an absolute idiot, but I hate just going along with what every one else is doing. when the rest of the staff were getting annoyed with the youth conservation corp full of older teenagers who didnt realize they had some of the responsibilities of the actual staff (because they signed up to do trail and fence repair, not babysit kids) I actually went up and made a rapport with them, and since I was friendly with them and not constantly bitching about them, they actually listened when I asked them to be responsible. by the end of their time there, they were begging to help me, in particular, because I was the only staff besides their group leaders who had realized their confusion about their positions.

I had watched this fortnite kid for a few days, seen how he interacted with everyone there, and realized that telling him to stop talking about this little video game wasnt going to make his time there any easier. it was like me when I was a trekker, and just wanted to talk about homestuck. so I sat with him at dinner and asked him to tell me about fortnite. he showed me the little dance from it, and even though I couldnt do it, I told him that it was really cool that he could do it, and do it as fast as he did. he was such a sweet kid, after chores every meal he would ask to go see the chicks on the farm, and he had one favorite one that he told me on multiple occasions that he was going to put in his pocket and sneak home. this tiny chick was literally the only thing he talked about with as much excitement as his video game.

there was no grand point where he declared I was his favorite staff member, not like with the youth corp, but there was one night, after dinner when chores were starting, and he came up to me in a panic, because he didnt know what he was supposed to be doing. with literally any other kid, i wouldnt have been surprised, but he was the type to just help with the farm if he didnt know where to go, because thats where the chicks were. so to have him come up to me and ask for help was big. (i wasnt his group leader, though, so I had no idea where he was supposed to go, but I helped him find her and asked for him cause he was just a bit too proud to ask her himself) but the point is that he was lost, and instead of doing his own thing like he normally would, he saw me walk by, thought about how I was nice to him and tried to talk about a video game I didnt know about, just so he could rant, and about how I stopped people when they tried to make fun of his little dance, and he suddenly saw me as a person he could go to for help.

that was it, basically. but it wasnt until after his group was gone, that I learned that his parents had sent him to the camp to get him out of their hair because they were in the middle of getting a divorce.the group leaders knew this, and didn’t seem to do a lot to accommodate for a kid going through a weird, uncertain time. fortnite was probably one of his few comforts. god knows how many times I’ve had to resort to getting lost in some sort of internet thing to try to ignore awful family things. every time i hear some annoying adult complain about kids enjoying fortnite, I think about all the staff at camp, rolling their eyes at this kid instead of reaching out to him. Y’all are such bullies, you’re just making fun of kids enjoying something. theres nothing wrong with it, its just a fun little game thats like minecraft with guns, why are all of you so bitter?

[the-fiction-witch]

The Deputy and The Inventor

TV SHOW: GODLESS COUPLE: WHITEY WINN  X READER (INVENTOR) RATING: SMUTTY AF

WHITEY’S POV:

I wondered though La Belle as many Ladies wondered the streets most of them not paying any attention to me till I suddenly heard a few little screams and a huge clatter and I saw y/n with another contraption trying to go down the streets so I ran to her making her stop “what the Hell is that!” I ask her

“I call it the go-atron” she giggles hopping off this device

“what does it do?” I ask her

“it works like a train, it’s kinda like a train and a bike bad a baby” she explains

“does it work?” i ask her

“Mostly” she giggles “it cuts out sometimes, and it tends to drop red hot coals on the ground behind it, and it tends to overheat” she explained

“Y/n take it home, work on it and test it up in the hills not though town” I tell her

“Oh...your starting to sound like bill” she sighs “what happened to fun whitey” she giggles

“I don’t know, all I know if you cant ride that thing though town” I tell her so she sighs sticking her tongue out at me turning it back on and turning it around going back to her house 

“that girl’s gonna bring the whole town down someday” Sheriff McNue sighs

“well she tries to help” I shrug 

“your just saying that cause your sweet on her” he laughs

“I am Not!” I answer 

“Ohh Please whitey, you and the inventors daughter have been sweet on each other since you where kids” he laughs

“I just like hanging around with her, even when we where kids, she was like the only person around my age around here” I sigh and just as I finish there was a huge bang 

“Best go see what’s she done” he sighs so I grab my jacket rushing off to the hill to Y/n’s little house bangs and clatters coming from the back of the house so I go around and see her hitting and working with a huge machine 

“Y/n are you alright?” I ask her

“Ohh fine whitey, nothing to worry about just the generator playing up again” she explains as it blew again sending bits of metal everywhere and a small fire to start 

“It doesn't look alright” I laugh

“It’s fine it’s meant to be on fire” she smiles “thats how it works” she laughs putting all the little bits of metal back covering the thing completely “so..what did you want?” she asks

“not a lot sheriff went me up is all” I tell her

“ohh come on in then I’ll make you a cup of tea” she smiles rushing inside so I slowly followed her the house full to the brim with little inventions she or her father had worked on at some point she problem is she’s rather forgetful she’ll start something put it down and then completely forget what it even was so her house is a bit dangerous when her father was around he used to make sure she kept up with things and made sure she didn’t kill anyone or herself with these things but...she’s all alone now, her mother passed away giving birth to her little brother and her father died down in the mines her brother, I haven’t seen him in years he ran off to find work in the fields on some ranch out west, I guess I’m really all she has now, I’ve known y/n almost as long as I could remember she was only a few months younger then me her father used to drop her with me when they went down into the mines leaving us to sit outside playing together till they came back “Ohh be careful the pipe is hot” she says 

“which one?” I ask her

“Uhh most of them, I forget which one” she says as she pours tea so I carefully sat on a chair at the table and she sat across from me bringing the tea I took a sip at it tasted awful like hot wet mud so I quickly put it down leaning back on the chair “Oh no whitey don’t-” she begins as the chair fell backwards making me land on the floor “the back has a gear so it reclines, its broken though” she says

“its fine” I sigh in pain getting up and sitting again making sure to lean on the table when suddenly something across the room starting beeping very very loudly “WHAT IS THAT!” I ask her

“WHAT!” she yells

“WHAT’S MAKING THE NOISE!” I yell

“I DON’T KNOW IT JUST DOES IT AT 3PM EVERYDAY FOR A MINUET OR SO”  she yells

“WHAT!” I ask her just as it stopped “you really need to clean this place out go knows what you’ve got in here” I tell her

“look who’s bloody talking I’ve been to yours whitey i’m pretty sure you have a animal living in there” she laughs

“yeah me” I laugh “but seriously y/n do you even know half the stuff you have in here?” I ask her

“Not really-” she begins as the lights began to flicker “Oh not again” she sighed grabbing a broom and going outside “go On shoo, shoo you little theifs” she yells trying to shoo some raccoons away from her generator so I got up wondering around the house looking at all her little things the only clear space, from the door to the kitchen and table and from the kitchen and table to her bed everywhere else covered floor to ceiling in little inventions so I followed the cables on the floor two leading under her bed, what’s she hiding under there? I followed the cable with my hand it giving me a tiny shock 

“Oww” I complain before trying to follow the cable again

“Whitey what are you doing?” she asked 

“Ohh nothing” I laugh getting up “I should be uhh getting back” I tell her 

“Oh yes go on back to work then” she giggles so I give her a tight cuddly hug before going to the door “whitey?...where’s my kissy?” she giggles

“alright...” i laugh “come here” I sigh and she runs over jumping into my arms so I gave her lips one tiny sweet kiss and she happy kissed back she tried to kiss more but I pulled away “you said one you got one you greedy girl, now get off I got to get back to work, the sheriffs already starting to ask questions I can’t be to long” I tell her 

“fine” she sighs letting go so I gave her one more kiss before going back off into town...what? fine I’ll come clean, I am in love with her, we started dating only a few months ago but we agreed to keep it a secret from the rest of the town these ladies are already nosy in our business anyway dont need them knowing whats going on with us, well I say going on the most we do is kiss we haven't even done anything yet funny how I’ve known her so long and have seen her naked thousands of times over our lives, when our parents send us down for a bath by the river and I had to...Keep watch, well I watched that bit was right, not much of anything else, but we still haven't done anything 

TIMESKIP: Y/N POV:

I stood cooking up some dinner until there was a knock at the door “who is it?” I ask going over and looking though the spy hole 

“It’s me Y/n, let me in” whitey says clearly in pain so I opened the door and he looked rather hurt scratched in places and even bleeding

“find the animal in your house?” I ask and he nods “did you try to get rid off it?” I ask and he nods “did you lose?” I ask and he nods “do you need a bed for the night?” I ask 

he nods “my house belongs to the Bob cat now” he sighed

“come in” I laugh and he happily came in so I shut and locked the door “have you had dinner? or did the bob cat get your dinner too?” I laugh

“the he got it” he sighs so I giggle serving the now done dinner and giving him half 

“here, you can stay tonight, I’ll take the cat trap I made over tomorrow morning” I laugh eating some dinner “I’ll fix you up after dinner” i tell him tapping his hand and he smiled at me taking me hand tightly once we had finished up dinner I bandaged his little ingures up and giving him some pain killers and went sitting on my bed in my little nightie reading my book whitey slipped off his shirts sitting beside me in the bed and cuddling me closely “why are you so cuddly?” I laugh

“I dont know, maybe its you being beautiful, maybe its the pain killers” he laughs

“it’s the pain killers whitey” I laugh

“Ummm I love you” he smiles

“no you don’t its just the pain killers whitey, there making you all giggly” I laugh “what’s in theres anyway?” I ask grabbing the bottle “Cocaine, Heroin, sativa, Eww water plants” I read “you’ll be fine it will wear off in a hour” I tell him 

“Your very sexy when your being smart” he giggles 

“Oh am I?” I laugh “you’ve not told me that before” I laugh

“snuggle” he giggles holding me closer to him 

“aww you get so cuddly when your on these things, I might keep you on them” I laugh

“Ummm snuggly y/n” he smirks pulling me closer and I felt it 

“WHOA! Whitey!” I yell moving away from him

“what? what did I do?”he asked

“your-” I begin looking down

“Ohh...can I blame that on the pain killers?” he asked

“No” I laugh

“fuck!” he sighs “well...I uh...I don’t know what do to now” he sighs

“relax whitey, i get it your a guy hormones and stuff I get it” I giggle

“Okay....Y/n can I ask you something?” he asks

“course whitey” I smile

“what are the hidden inventions under your bed?” he smirked

“there arnt any under my bed” I giggle 

“really?” he smirked ducking under my bed “Whoa! what the hell are these?” he smirked

“nothing” I giggle

“come on tell me” he laughs 

“there sex toys” I explain

“you made a sex toy? does it work?” he asks

“yes” I giggle 

“but why did you make two?” he asks

“well” I giggle putting my book down and sitting on his lap shuffling down him so I sat over his thighs getting one of them and smirking at him undoing his pants

“Y/n, I’m not sure about this” he says a little scared

“it’s okay whitey, if you dont want to-” I begin

“No no it’s not that, I want to believe me, its just I know what your inventions are like for....going wrong” he explains 

“Hey!” i complain “trust me I use these everyday, they work” I giggle

“everyday?” he smirks “you dirty girl” he smirks as I give him a little kiss pulling his pants down far enough for his cock to jump free hitting him in the stomach I sat shocked for a moment surprised by his size

“Umm whitey, so thats what you’ve been hiding all these years” I giggle UN plugging the decided and setting it up on him he looked both excited and scared “Relax it’s not like it’s going to cut your dick off” I laugh

“It might” he laughs as I plug it in again and turn it on “Uhhhh FUCK ME! I take it back! I take it back this is so good” he moans his head hitting the pillow his hands gripping my bed sheet tightly his eyes rolling back in pleasure until his hand moved to turn it off “fuck...it feels so good, I’m sorry I doubted you” he smirks

“its fine whitey, you can keep using it if you want too” I giggle

“I will, but...where’s your’s?” he smirks so I grab the other one and hand it to him laying in the other side of the bed “Okay your gonna have to explain this to me” he asks

“its easy whitey, first pull that bit up” I tell him and he does “Now...just keep going forward till i tell you stop” I giggle and he looks very scared slowly doing as Ive asked him “Uhhh Whitey!” I Moan 

“should I stop?” he asks

“No keep going” I giggle “okay stop” I giggle “then put that down and clip the clips on the sides to the bed sheet” I explain and he does that so I pull him closer giving him a sweet kiss as we kiss his hand moved to the little switch on mine turning it on “UHHH WHITEY!” I moan

“Holy shit! it actually fucks you...” he says in suprise

“what did you think it would do?” I laugh

“i dont know” he laughs turning it off again making me groan in annoyance “how about...I’m in charge of your little machine, and you get mine” he smirks so I giggle moving my hand to his and 

“three, two one” we both giggle both of us turning them on at the same time 

“UHHH Y/N!” he screams

“Uhhh Whitey!” I scream

“Ummm Baby baby please stop it...its too good!”he moans and I just giggle shaking my head 

“Your just not used to it” I giggle betwen my breaths “have you not been giving him much attention whitey” i giggle

“Not lately” he smirks “haven’t had too...just imagine you is normally enough” he smirks

“me doing what?” I giggle

“pretty much this actually Y/n” he maons so I giggle moving his hand still ridgit on my machine moving his hand alittle down “OHhh theres another speed” he smirks quickly turning it on high

“UHHHHHH WHTIEY! UHH WHITEY PLEASE PLEASE!” I scream

“Ummm Y/n I’m close baby” He moans

“ohh are you” I giggle turning his up to high too

“UHHHHH Y/N Y/N Y/N UHH Y/N MY DARLING UHHH!” I screams as he came so I quickly turned it off taking it off him letting him pump himself trying to elongate his climax it made me giggle seeing my lose control like that only one world could decribe how he looks right now...Orgasmic, “come on baby why wont you cum” he smirks kissing me 

“I’m close whitey” I groan 

“Lets just see how close you are?” he smirks turning off my toy and pushing his fingers inside me and that was it I came squirting a little on my bed roughly pulling him to kiss me as I orgasmed till I began to fall from my high and he removed his fingers “you where close” he smirked laying beside me both of us sweaty and exhausted “you need to like pattern them y/n, make a lot of money out of them” he smirks 

“Maybe” I giggle putting the toys away and laying my head on his chest cuddling him closely “but for now, we can keep it our little secret” I giggle “our little play things” I smirk

“no need, you are my little play thing my darling” he smirks holding me close to him “when did you make them anyway?” he laughs

“well I made mine a year ago, been using it ever since, I started work on yours when we started dating only finished it yesterday” I laugh

“you hadn't even tested it yet! and you just put it on me like you knew it would work! I could have lost my dick y/n” he yells

“did you?” I giggle

“No” he sighs

“see so stop complaining” I laugh “you liked it didn't you?” I giggle

“Of course I did, can’t wait to really have you doing that to me” he smirks

“one day whitey, if your good” I giggle giving him a kiss “Night night” I smile snuggling on his chest

“Night” he smiles giving my head a kiss 

WHITEY’S POV:

y/n had been asleep for a while now, she was so peaceful laid on me i was kinda half asleep awake enough to think but asleep enough to not move till I heard gun shots from down in town so I carefully moved y/n’s arm from around me and her head off my chest laying my pillow there instead and she happily snuggled there like nothing had changed so I quickly got my pants on properly as more gun shots fired only putting one shirt on I dont have time for two grabbing my guns giving y/n a little kiss before rushing out down into the town as many men rode around firing and trying to grab ladies “where the hell have you been whitey?” the sheriff asked as he tried to fire missing completely 

“Long story” I tell him trying to shoot too not doing to well they where too fast I moved to stand in the road trying to shoot but I ran out of bullets “Ohh fuck” I sigh but suddenly y/n stood beside me in her nightie with a huge gun she had clearly messed with it firing like five shells a second taking them down and the others run off “what the hell is that?” I ask her

“super gun, takes shells direly from this wired set, if your holding the trigger it keeps firing” she explains 

“I love you” I laugh pulling her by her waist to kiss me she happily kissed back

“i love you too” she giggles before the gun began firing again making us pull away after a few little ties she made it shot “sorry” she said to everyone who she just gave a heart attack too in town

[twodogsoneguy]

So I guess for my inaugural post on this blog I’d better start with who I am and what I’ve done with dogs. I’m Alyxx, and I am a disabled service dog handler, who has owner trained two dogs, one of whom ultimately washed. I’ve been working with my two, in addition to a year of dog walking, several years of classes, and helping out my best friends rescue over the past three years. I’ve gained so much knowledge, and I know theres still a lot more out there to learn. 

To begin with, my two lovelies are named Harley and Athena. Harley was my first dog, outside of the household pet dog that we owned when I was a kid and at the time of this post is 3yo. I got Harley from a shelter at around twelve to sixteen weeks and they told me she was a border collie. She is most decidedly not a straight collie, maxing out at a rotund 40lbs for her 13in. frame. We think she was crossed with a terrier, like a JRT, though we don’t really know. She went with me at 7mo to college and we lived in a tiny dorm room for the duration of our stay. She ultimately washed after being attacked outside of our dorm; she never recovered mentally from the attack and became too skittish and aggressive to be worked in public. At some point I will write an entire post about her.

Athena is a 2yo purebred english cream golden who was imported from the Ukraine. I got her after Harley washed at around four months. (My friend helped me by puppy raising her until she was large enough to contend with Harley, around 6mo is when she came home officially) A breeder in my state specializes in a line that does a lot of service work, especially in relation to medical alerts. I was lucky enough that she was willing to part with Athena. Athena is the light of my life. She is calm and sweet and loving. We like to joke that theres nothing in her brain but love, which seems to be a common trait amongst goldens. She is in the finishing stages of training, meaning that her main tasks are perfected and her PA is close to perfect. We have had some backsliding due to the pandemic, but thats both due to quarantine and the fact that we haven't trained in months. 

I worked with a well known dog walking company for around a year, and gained valuable experience in dealing with dogs in their own homes during that time. Many people don’t realize, but when you’re not home your dog can act totally different than what you’ve come to expect when you’re around! It was a very rewarding career, though not well paid. I also decided to end my work with the company after a negative experience with a dog, whom several other walkers had complained about. I also had other ethical concerns about working conditions, both for handlers and the dogs safety. I may someday go back to walking dogs, when I can pick and choose my contracts and build relationships with the owners and dogs on my own terms.

I also spent a lot of time with both of my dogs in training classes at a well known chain store. You can learn so much by attending group classes, not only from the head trainer, but your other classmates. Its a wonderful experience and I highly recommend getting involved if the trainers in your area are well rated. 

I have a certificate in dog training from an accredited online school, however I am hesitant to recommend them to anyone else because of some of the things mentioned in their textbooks that are either very outdated or plain wrong. It did teach me a lot about dog learning and how their brains work, along with giving me an idea of how the dog training business works. I was supposed to open my own small scale training business this summer after my course completion, but with the pandemic I’m afraid I can’t. Between the fact that I live with two high risk individuals and am high risk myself, I don’t feel safe starting a business that would involve me being up close and personal with my clients as you have to be with training. Hence the start of this blog!

Reading this back, it all sounds rather formal and like I’m applying for a job lol. But I think its important that people understand who you are when you’re talking about something with knowledge. I’ve only been in the dog training circle a short time, I haven't even really had my first client yet. But I do know that what I did with both of my dogs worked, and that I’ve only gotten better with my certificate. I also am in a unique position, being a disabled dog trainer means I know a lot about the legal and social aspects of having a working dog. I do want to post this caveat: I am not legal counsel, nor should you take my advice at face value. I live in the United States, in Colorado to be specific. My advice is often tailored to that region, though I do feel very comfortable talking about the ADA and its protections. Anyways, thats enough about me.  I’ll try to post regularly, but I consider myself a spoonie and therefore posting may be erratic at times.

[samanthasroberts]

Hockey, weed and taxes? 11 Canadian stereotypes debunked

Canada is often pictured as a uniformly cold, multicultural, socialist paradise full of beer-swilling ice hockey fans. But a close look at the evidence reveals some very different truths good and bad about the Great White North

Its pretty easy to conjure an idea of a Canadian. As one young paramour looking to marry an American told a dating website: She must be willing to become a hockey fan and eat maple syrup and Beaver Tails in my igloo.

Theres more to the stereotype, of course. Canadas universal health care and gun-control legislation are frequently namechecked by American politicians (often disapprovingly), while the countrys adventurers have a long-standing tradition of stitching tiny Canadian flags into their backpacks.

But while some of these cliches are true Tim Hortons really does sell more of its hot brown drink (they call it coffee) than any other restaurant chain a deep dive into the actual statistics suggest that much of the countrys image is just that.

Some of the most common misconceptions about Canada include:

Canadas most popular sport by far is ice hockey

What football is to Brazil, hockey is Canada, right? Between them, the mens and womens national Canadian ice hockey teams won seven of a possible eight gold medals at the last four Winter Olympics.

But while Canadas superiority on the ice remains unchecked, the sport itself is becoming a little more niche at home. A 2014 study pegged ice hockey fourth among 3-to-17-year-old Canadians in participation numbers, behind swimming, soccer and dance. Its probably no coincidence that hockey was also ranked the second most expensive sport to play, and that multiculturalism means a generation of kids less uniformly passionate about pucks.

Meanwhile, the rest of the world is catching up to Canada when it comes to playing the sport professionally: 2015 marked the first time in 98 years when Canadians did not make up the majority of National Hockey League players.

Canadians live in the wilderness

Pierre Berton once declared: A Canadian is somebody who knows how to make love in a canoe.

But there are a few problems with this all-Canadian adage, beyond the obvious issue of tipping. For one, Berton never actually said it. For another, the image of Canadians as a wilderness-dwelling people is not borne out by research: as of 2011, a full 81% of Canadians resided in a population centre, census speak for urban area.

In fact, about 35.2%, or one in three Canadians, lives in either Toronto, Montreal or Vancouver alone.

And if you think the vast majority Canadas city-dwellers love nothing more than to race to the countryside, youd also be wrong: a 2010 poll found that only 23% of Canadians see their ideal vacation as a visit to a cottage or a lake.

Canadians are taxed to death

The status of Canada as something of a socialist darling leads many to assume that Canadians pay income tax rates at similar levels to those in, for example, France or Germany.

Not so, according to the OECDs annual Taxing Wages report. The report ranks Canada 25th out of 34 countries in terms of its tax wedge for single-income earners (a measure of the difference between labour costs to the employer and the corresponding net take-home pay of the employee). By this metric,, Canada is actually slightly below the US.

In the same report, Canada ranked 14th out of 34 in terms of income tax, based on the average national wage. When it comes to corporate taxes, too, Canada is relatively generous the headline corporate tax rate has dropped from 34% in 2007 to 26.5% in 2015, ranking Canada 61st in the world. By comparison, the US ranks fourth.

Canadians are obsessed with beer

There are few images more Canadian than beloved SCTV hosers Bob and Doug McKenzie sitting on a couch and cracking open a few bottles of Molson Canadian while complaining about US-style twist-off caps. The Beer Hunter, an all-Canadian take on Russian Roulette, has long been the nations greatest drinking game.

But while it is true that Canadians love beer they spent C$15.7bn on the stuff in 2011 an increasing number are embracing wine as their drink of choice. As a 2015 report notes, Beer sales as a share of the total sale of alcoholic beverages have been declining for several years.

In 2004/2005, the report continued, beer had a market share of 49% in terms of dollar value, while wine had a market share of 25%. By 2013/2014, the market share for beer had declined to 42%, while wine was up to 31%.

Canada is a haven for pot smokers

Since snowboarder Ross Rebagliati went on the Tonight Show with Jay Leno in 1998 to celebrate the return of his Olympic gold medal after it had been stripped from him because of THC in his blood, Canada has garnered a reputation as weed-smoking haven. The 2001 ruling of an Ontario court that prohibiting the medical use of marijuana was unconstitutional did little to shake that impression.

But although Justin Trudeaus Liberal government promised to table legislation to legalise marijuana in 2017, Canadas medical community and popular opinion are divided on the question, and there are diplomatic hurdles still to clear. Even if weed is eventually made legal, it will likely be sold in set quantities, possibly from government stores, and subject to significant taxes. In fact, the North American nation that has made the biggest strides in legalising pot has been the supposedly drug-averse US.

Canadian hospital wait times are so bad they flee to the US for care

During the 9 October presidential debate, Donald Trump raised some ire north of the border when he referred to Canadian healthcare as catastrophic. Said the now-president-elect: Youve noticed the Canadians. When they need a big operation, they come into the US in many cases, because their system is so slow.

As ever, Trump is manipulating the truth. Canadians do endure long wait times for specialised treatment, and as of 2014 Canada ranked last among 11 OECD countries in terms of how quickly patients can get an appointment with their family doctor.

However, Canadians arent flocking en masse to the US in response. A Fraser Institute report revealed that in 2015 just 1% of Canadians who needed specialised medical treatment sought that treatment in the US.

Canada is a major exporter of comedy stars

Dan Aykroyd, Martin Short, Eugene Levy, Catherine OHara, Lorne Michaels, Jim Carrey, Mike Myers, Dave Foley. All are Canadians who made it big in America and all are over 50. Whereas comedians were once regularly discovered on shows such as Saturday Night Live, SCTV and Kids in the Hall, the well has been drying up: the success of Seth Rogen, Jay Baruchel and Ryan Reynolds is heartening, but Canada is no longer the comedy source it once was.

Though tightened screening at the US border may be partly to blame, the changing way in which we consume comedy bite-sized clips shared online, from acts such as Picnicface and Baronness Von Sketch Show also plays a role. The old model of a breakout US/Canadian TV sketch comedy may no longer exist, says Toronto Second Citys Etan Muskat: The CBC is trying to have breakout mainstream comedic success, following a model that doesnt compute.

Canada is a frigid wasteland

Canada is cold, eh? It has an average daily temperature of -5.6C, making it one of the chilliest countries on earth. But the idea of an average Canadian daily temperature is meaningless. Not only does it combine cities like Regina and St Johns thousands of miles apart, in entirely different climates but it doesnt capture range.

Canadas summer highs are in fact often equal to, or higher than, other major cities in Europe and the US. Winnipeg, for example, which suffers average annual winter highs of -12.7, has a summer average high of 25.8, higher than Paris and Los Angeles.

Canada also has a rich summer culture of cabin or cottage-going to rival the Scandinavians and the dacha-loving Russians. If anything, the brutal winters make Canadians appreciate the summer months more.

Canadas economy is driven by natural resources

Though Canada is the biggest exporter of crude oil to the US and the highest exporter of forestry products relative to imports, the forestry, fishing, mining, quarrying, oil and gas industries collectively employ only 355,000 Canadians, or 2% of the workforce.

In fact, Canadas services sector dwarfs the goods-producing sector by almost four to one. And the third-biggest service employer after retail and healthcare/social services is professional, scientific and technical services, including tech startups like Shopify, Hootsuite and Freshbooks. In 2015, Canadas tech companies produced $117bn or 7.1% of Canadas economic output, greater than that of the finance and insurance industry. As Mike McDerment, CEO of Freshbooks, notes: Its our observation that the economy is being restructured away from resource economy to services and tech.

Canada is a Scandinavian-style social democracy

Though Canada enjoys a strong healthcare system and is consistently ranked among the most livable countries on earth, many assume it is a thriving social democracy in the style of Sweden or Denmark. Not exactly.

Canadian bachelors students pay the joint 2nd highest tuition fees of OECD countries, alongside Japanese and Korean students. Canada also has the 7th highest child poverty rate in the OECD, and, as of 2013, was last in spending on early childhood education and is among the most expensive countries on earth when it comes to childcare costs.

Meanwhile Canadas rich-poor gap is slightly bigger than the OECD average, and the World Economic Forum put Canada in 30th place globally two spots below the US in gender equality measures.

Canada is diverse from coast to coast

The Economist recently pointed out that Canada is a world leader in immigration, both in acceptance and integration, a result of 1971 legislation enshrining multiculturalism. However, most of the resulting diversity is limited to Canadas big cities. Of Canadas 6.8 millions immigrants in 2011, 91% lived in one of Canadas 33 census metropolitan areas (CMAs) Toronto, Montreal and Vancouver compared with 63.3% of people who were born in Canada.

Across the country, skilled immigrants struggle with significant barriers to finding work, such as language and requirements for Canadian experience. In Vancouver and Toronto, many immigrants are increasingly living in inner suburban enclaves, with less access to public transport. At least one geographer, Zach Taylor, argues the isolation and resentment these enclaves can cause helped fuel the populist rise of Toronto mayor Rob Ford.

</me

Source: http://allofbeer.com/hockey-weed-and-taxes-11-canadian-stereotypes-debunked/

from All of Beer https://allofbeer.wordpress.com/2017/12/31/hockey-weed-and-taxes-11-canadian-stereotypes-debunked/