#and as my grandpa always said:
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ft red's horrible farmer tan
#my grandpa always said this was a “farmer brown tan”#which when i looked it up i got nothing#thanks for lying to me grandpa.#namelessshipping#originalshipping#reguri#pokemon#sammy art tag#trainer red#blue oak#green oak
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mostly joking toh theory: amity and emira are both trans girls, and the fact that they got to choose their names themselves is the only reason why neither of them ended up getting named "odalia jr."
#eliot posts#toh#the owl house#amity blight#emira blight#odalia just strikes me as the type of person to name a daughter after herself#i have a couple relatives who named their kids after themselves and it's always seemed so fucking weird to me???#like i cannot imagine being like. hi i'm eliot and this is my son eliot.#honestly thinking about it there's a good chance my dad would've tried to name me after himself if i were amab#my mother wanted to name me axl but i think my dad could've won her over#and either named me after himself#(either his legal name or his nickname‚ which was after an uncle of his bc he was apparently the spitting image of)#or named me after his own father. which would make me the third of my cousin group to bear that name#(though ironically only one of said cousins was named after our grandpa. the other was named after his dad who married in to the family)#also apparently even as an afab baby i was apparently the spitting image of one of those cousins#to the point where my mother told me her first thought upon seeing me after i was born was just ''oh god she looks just like [cousin]''#for an extra layer of Bullshit: vincent cat's name at the shelter was the same as my dad's nickname so i had to change it#bc having a cat with sorta the same name as my dad whom i have a Complicated and Bad relationship with would feel Weird#this is all irrelevant but i just need you to know how batshit the name situation on my dad's side of the family is#my mother's side is mostly uncomplicated except for the surname situation going on#like i have no clue who my mother's maiden name came from and at this point i'm too afraid to ask#but yea since i was afab my given first name was just a random name that my mother thought was pretty#my given middle name tho WAS after a family member#specifically my rich childless aunt on my dad's side#the original plan was just a second random name my mother liked but then i popped out prematurely on that aunt's birthday#so my dad's OTHER sister (who had barged in uninvited to the delivery room) told my mother#''hey it's [childless aunt's] birthday today. she's rich and has no kids. name your child after her and she might help pay for college''#but my chosen name and middle name are unrelated to anyone. just two names i really liked and thought fit me + my gender.
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see, ppl can say what they want about the resi 3 remake, but the remake got Mikhail perfect. Also i actually really love weird Puppy Nemesis lmao
#GET OFF OF HIS TRAIN SHITBIRD#ilu grandpa you did your best#I think the remake is fine#there's parts of the original I miss a ton#and parts I am glad are gone#mostly I'm just confused by the rose colored glasses everyone remembers wrt a nemesis that doesn't exist#he was never a random stalker he always had scripted spawns and due to the ps1 limitations the “random” was down to two or three options#with that said re3 remake coming off the heels of re7 with pretty good stalkers like jack and margeurite#and then directly off the heels of re2 with one of the best programmed game stalkers i've ever seen#he's a letdown for sure#I loved the pre-release rumors saying nemesis would chase you into safe rooms#that should have been a real thing#Oh wow is it really time for our regularly scheduled resident evil obsessing??#I wanted to name Nikolai after Mikhail but mercury spatted me with a newspaper and told me I had too many M names#I have had this fondness for hero grandpa for a long time okay#anyway I know that absolutely no one follows me for resident evil so lmao ignore my rambling#it's fine though#because no matter if you follow me for solivaga or homestuck :)#I've fed you resident evil no matter what#what do you mean parts of the harley manor are inspired by the spencer mansion!?#HAHA GOT'EM#what do you mean there's a ton of resident evil refs in soli#RAT STRIKES AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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#today my grandparents were over#and my grandma mentioned that my cousin's best friend and his long-time boyfriend are getting married tomorrow#and my grandpa started talking about it with my mom#and what he said was 'you know i don't have any problem with that.#i've never met a person like that who wasn't perfectly nice. they're great people.'#and my mom said something like 'yeah and that's just the way of the world now'#and grandpa said 'well actually that's always been the way it's just now they're able to be open about it'#in such a pleasant proud way#like he was just genuinely happy that queer people are able to be open and be themselves#and i nearly broke down crying#because i've always been too afraid to ask#but it is a relief to know he wouldn't hate me if i ever got up the nerve to tell him i'm bi#anyway#personal#also#in case it matters#this man is 91 years old#and i'm very happy to know this is the way he thinks
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I love S Dorran so much ugh
The way they're the scholar of the group, but not a skeptic??? They're willing to entertain more "fantastical" explanations for what's going on in Fernweh and that's very cool of them
#and also hot of them#who said that#S could've heard about the journal and thought abt your grandpa and been like 'sounds like carbon monoxide' but NO#you'll hear no 'well actually' from S (unless you're R (funniest duo award I love them))#that line where R insults the mona lisa and S is like 'it's priceless???' makes me laugh every time#anyway!!! what im trying to say is that the scholar trope is so often played out where the character tries to find--#--an explanation that adheres to the laws of science but S is like 'so guess what I found out from your grandpa's weird book'#S is more of a Fox Mulder type than a Velma Dinkley#fernweh saga#found this in my drafts can't believe I never posted it#more love for S is always good#they really grabbed my attention in this last playthrough I did; they're so calming I just want to curl up with them#doesn't help that I just read a Silas writing on patreon that made me swoon
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How are you pronouncing Yuri so it doesn't rhyme with Missouri
i think i pronounce yuri the same way everyone else does. Instead of pronouncing Missouri “Mizz-er-ie” as in rhymes with misery, I say “Mizz-er-uh” as in rhymes with um. bureau? thorough? those are all affected. Zathura?
#bureau is b’yer-uh and thorough is therr-uh#my grandpa always just said it like that. it is the single okie pronunciation i got in my vocabulary
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its me and my inability to compromise against the world
#i hate it when plans are changed i fucking hate it so much#i desperately need to rant about this im having an awful time ..Augh#my dad lost his job and is selling his house. we have at MOST 3 weeks to get out of here#so wrre moving to the house next to my moms. my grandpa owned b4 he died. HOWEVER#i hate that house its dirty as hell. i cant live with my mom theres barely 2 rooms there and i currently sleep on a couch in the living roo#there are 3(?) bedrooms where my dad is moving and they are SIGNIFICANTLY smaller than. literally everything#so well have. not a lot of space. not to mention that all the rooms are shaped so fucking weird. shitty old house bonus#literally everything has the fucking landlord special cause my mom used to rent it except all of the tennants were jerks#so the house has A Vibe. /neg. and its a weird combo of dustu and sticky#Im getting off topic.#i was allowed to choose my room a while back and we all agreed on everything and made plans and thought everything was set in stone#the room i was supposed to get is small asf and has slanted walls. (attic room ig) but it was fine#but my mom was like noo! actually! your older brother is getting that room! we never agreed on anything!!#whicj is AWFUL#i HATE CHANGE#AND. i wish you could see the room im supposed to have now but im at My dad's rn#its so fucking small. the water heater is in there. there's a low hanging fucking duct pipe or whatever right by the door#its pink#it smells like shit#ots right next to the washer and dryer.#there is no light. i hate it so much#ITS SMALL. AND JUST FUCKING SUCKS#i might sound like a dick but everything is so stressful rn i dont want to move school starts in 2 weeks i dont know my schedule i don't#have anyone to talk to. we're all fucking broke as hell and my mom refuses to help my dad because. i dont even know why#sorry. btw#i need someone to talk to so bad#they won't get me a therapist because 1 its not covered by insurance and 2 my dad lost his job and said insurance#i can't get a job because i can't drive and am so mentally fucked up and its so hard for me to do literally anything#i cry at the most insignificant situations and im always on the verge of tears#i get overstimulated so easy i can't fucking do this
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As I've gotten older, I've really realized that my grandfather, dad, and I are all like if you did a social experiment and raised the same person in three different environments. My grandfather ended up being a recovering/repentive racist/homophobe, judge, and diplomat. My dad ended up being a priest, washed up opera star, and massive stoner. I don't know what I've ended up as yet. All three of us think identically and contextualize things the same way based on the information we've been given. I told my dad that he is not immune to being hateful when he said some really off color things about trans ppl (he had a TERF phase) because he is just as much at the control of his circumstances as his dad, and he just kinda stared at me at me for a while and apologized several years later. Nobody is immune to being hateful.
#My dad listens to me and my stepmother and nobody else#He values my insight and ideas more than anyone else#My dad says that I am the only person smarter than him in the world and that's not true but I use that to better him#My grandfather did some insanely institutionally racist shit as a judge in the 1950s/1960s and begs for forgiveness but it's not enough#He's in his 80s now and said that he sees the writing on the wall and that he was wrong to be homophobic#I visited him a couple months ago and he went 'oh do you have a boyfriend... or a girlfriend... or a partner?' which was really sweet of hi#My grandfather told me I'm his favorite grandkid bc I am 'the most thoughtful and understandable'#But homie that's just bc the autism went from you to my dad to me#my dad has always been 'i'm not a biggot like my dad. I'm nothing like him'#even tho they are the same person#I also thought my dad and I were nothing alike until I realized we're the same person#My grandfather said it's all the oldest children#Since my grandfather apparently is just like my granddaughter#And my dad is my grandfather's oldest#and I'm the only/oldest biological child of my father#My biggest brother was from our mother's first marriage and was adopted and my other older siblings are step#So my grandfather sees me as the oldest cousin even tho my older brother is right there#I get the step bc they were in their 20s during the marriage and don't see him as their grandfather#But my brother was adopted by our dad at 10 and has been there since I was born and has doted on me forever#So no I'm not the oldest btw grandpa shut up and acknowledge my brother
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im very bitter that a large percentage of my grandparents and older relatives died before i was old enough to inherit anything cool from them. Like most of them died before I was even a teen and in the midst of adult grief no one really thinks or cares about which of grandma’s possessions the 10-year-old might want to have in the future.
#My grandpa always said I would get his motorcycle someday but he died when I was 8.#No one wants to hold a motorcycle for 10yrs so the kid can have it when instead you could sell it to pay for the funeral
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watching a tv-show that’s done in my country and fuck it’s got me sobbing. Forgot how much more things hit when it’s like in your culture & language; every american tv-show has that distance bc can relate like maybe 50%. So idk, if you’re in need of a good cry; watch something sad that’s from your country, it hits where it hurts so much better !!
#like that one phrase ppl say in funerals to the dead is in that show a lot and I mf always cry at it#(it’s like ’’have/I wish you a good/safe journey’’)#bc u know been saying that shit myself and it’s always the moment it sets in and ugh still regrets bc I barely said it to my grandpa bc#I was crying lol I was a kid back then but like at least I said some of it outloud (wouldn’t’ve if my dad wasn’t there like say it now or#you’ll always regret it and he was very right with that one)#guess it sorta hits also been thinking like how crushing that’d be for my parents to have to say to me and like I don't want that but#I don't want this either and yES I’m here crying over one fucking sentence I have my emotions in check thank u very much#anyways it's fascinating how big of a difference language makes like things in english vs. your own#and like the characters; one of them reminded me so much of my grandpa and other one of my dad that I had to like pause and gather the#strength to keep watching or I’d like fully sob the whole episode#this is one of those shows I will solely watch only by myself like jesus christ why am I crying so often during it#I never watch shows from my country bc usually they suck but when they don’t they hit way too good and also are all depressing/sad#bc that’s just the way we are here lmao#this too should stay as a draft but alas send post
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My mother confuses the fuck out of me
#i guess she's getting severance checks from her old job?#i mean fuck that's the least they could do after she worked there for 40 years#she only gets 900 a month from my dad's SSI survivor benefits#she went from saying we're struggling financially to suddenly offering to pay for shit i need#that kinda scares me because i think that means she's impulsively spending her savings. which could mean she thinks she's gonna die soon#she's 64 and my dad died at almost 63#like she helped my sister buy my niece a car. it's a 24 year old vehicle and only costed 4k and she paid 2k but 2k is a LOT to us#she said she's been saving my rent money to fix my car for the past couple of months on top of me saving for it#which means we definitely have the money to fix everything by now#but that's not happening all my tires still need to be replaced my ac doesn't work it's making clinking sounds#it stalled while i was driving the other day but turning it off and restarting it fixes it#anyway. the thing is I'm always sus about my mom offering shit.#she likes to hold shit over your head.#I'm very worried that she's gonna fix my car and then use that to control me in some way. because that's how it is every time.#but like.....it's better than not having the help. fuck.#i feel so privileged despite how broke and disabled i am. bc most disabled people dont have this to fall back on#the craziest thing is that the only reason we have this house is bc of my grandparents' inheritance#and neither of them went to college my grandpa was in the army#and my grandma only temporarily worked for jc penney as a bookkeeper#side note my 80 year old grandma was better with computers than most elderly people are today#just from that job? from what i know#when she died my family sold the family house and that's how we put the down payment on this house#which btw only costed 64k in 2012 apparently it's worth 175k now according to zillow#but like. how. i feel like my family being white and christian is the only reason we have all this privilege#i have a headache bye#.bdo
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hey boss, any thoughts on the upcoming elden ring dlc? ur fromsoft takes are always enlightened
dont quote me on this but i thjnk miquella might be in it.
#MORE SERIOUS ANSWER: i still havent played it but since this was sent to me before it came out i assume its ok to just#write out my general thoughts. its sweet of u to say that my takes are enlightened btw haha im glad u think so.. that being said i#i dont think i have anything to say that hasnt been said already#the story trailer is soooooo. aughghh#the thing im most excited abt is the high probability that it sheds some light on the past of TLB like other fromsoft dlcs tend to do#also the equally high probability of getting more of st trina.... everyone and their mom has always been curious abt all that cut content#and if theyd ever explore it some more in the future#seeing omen-like horns in the trailer and promo material n such is especially intriguing to me bc im rlly invested in that side of the lore#(i love my grandpa who beats me with a stick)#and im still hoping that theres a crumb of shadow (as in. the wolves) content in there but it seems highly unlikely now haha#new weapons and gorgeous views to uncover & music are always exciting ofc. and so are the new npcs i hope at least one of em is either#a sweetheart i'll fall in love with or a freak i wont be able to stop thinking abt. fromsoft characters hit different#i have some concerns as well though. specifically gameplay-wise: i rlly hope that the map isnt too big bc while i LOVED er i still have my#qualms w/ some open-world scope problems it suffers from. mainly the reuse of certain enemies & minibosses. in the grand scheme of things#its not that big of a deal but i really hope that they took their sweet time working on smth smaller#n didnt spread themselves too thing ykwim#bc if they make me fight 20 more tree asylum demons and those loathesome root worms i might just cry LOL#er spoilers#ps sorry for the super late reply!!
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there's just something about people calling me "my raquel" that makes me go 🥰🥹💘💝💖💗💓💞💕💓🩷🧡💛💚💙🩵🩵🤎🖤🩶🤍🫶
#my grandma always does this. my grandpa used to to it too#and today i was talking to my friend from work's mom and she said it too <3#its so cute#raquel speaks
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I’m being punished for something, I just know it.
#Liz speaks#Liz’s personal tag#my grandpa always said there were only two temperatures#just right and too#too damn hot or too damn cold#and it’s too damn hot
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Just found out my two siblings are in my mom's will, but not me. Also my grandpa has told the entire family about his engagement. Except for me. Also my dad told my siblings that he and my mom bought a plot of land. Can you guess who they haven't told?
#these tags are about to be a massive trauma dump tbh so avoid if you want#when i was fifteen i came out as trans. and my mom was terrible about it. and my dad was up for a promotion so we were considering moving#and i found a list of my moms pros and cons for moving. on the pros was 'people there dont know about (deadname)'#so that was ideal for a suicidal fifteen year old to find. and tonight i just learned that im not in her will#both of my siblings are. but im not. and its just always been like this#im treated like im not part of the family anymore. and it's been that way since i was fifteen#i heard from my brother that my grandpa is engaged. and he told both my siblings about it directly. he never told me#i reach out to my parents. i never hear back. my aprents text my sibling to check on me (sib and i live together)#everything is kind of shit rn. one of my rats is dying. my family doesnt love me. im broke. my best friend and i arent really talking#because he fucked my ex gf and now things arent really the same anymore. strangely enough. he doesnt reach out anymore#so i have no one to talk to about any of this shit#last night i was crying about my rat and i guess my roommate heard it cuz this morning they said#'are you okay? if you ever need someone to talk to who will never bring it up again you can talk to me'#and thats the most loving thing ive heard from someone in months. from a woman ive known since august#im. just. at a loss. since i found out tonight. that im not in my mom's will#its not about money. or assets. its about the fact that im her fucking child and both of her other children are in it but im not#after she dies shes willing to help them out but i can get fucked ig#i wonder if im gonna be invited to my grandpas wedding. i wonder if any of them would want me at their funeral#i wonder if any of them would come to mine
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God why iam i so desensitized to most everything iam 14 i shouldn't feel so ...empty all the time
#this is what happens when you put your self in emotionality damaging situation on purpose#i dont think i have properly felt emotions in a while#i have been off my meds since December and its fucking me over#i think iam under medicated not going to lie#just feel like shit all the time witch in turns fucks over my school witch fucks over my family life#i want out of here i hate living with my sister. they always say “well i didn't have to take you” well NEWSFLASH i didn't even want to#live with you anyways i specifically said to my case worker i didn't want to live with my sister#witch by the by i haven't seen since January!!!#like fuck my life bro#i keep telling my self this feeling will go away but will it really tho it feels like a huge black hole is trying to swallow me up#i want to survive...no i HAVE to survive not for me not for my mom not for my grandpa i need to survive for my niece and nephew for my#friend who needs me#i dont live for me anymore#🎭 rambles#vent post
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