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bratzbrat · 3 hours ago

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Hi sweetheart, sorry to keep requesting from you this is my third one already, feel free not to do it if your not up to it

I’ve been having a really shitty day and honestly I try so hard but I feel like nobody appreciates that effort, so if I could have just Kats comfort and saying he’s proud because I just really need to hear it rn 😭 ik it’s kind of pathetic but idk

-💫

hope this helps bug💫 it's not pathetic to me, sometimes u just need to hear that someone's proud of u, whether they're real or not. if it'll mean anything to u, I'm proud of you. and it gets better. but katsuki has more to say to ya'. ;)

you toed off your shoes and dropped your bag on the floor, not bothering to pick it up as you clicked the door shut behind you and shuffled toward the couch.

your day had been brutal—nothing had gone right. and despite your best efforts, it felt like no one noticed, no one cared. you pressed your palms to your face, trying to push the tears back. crying felt stupid, but you couldn't stop the frustration from spilling over.

"oi," a familiar rasp pulled you out of your head. "the hell are you sittin' in the dark for?"

you looked up to see katsuki standing in the doorway to the kitchen, his blond hair still damp from a shower, a towel slung over his shoulder. he frowned as he stepped closer, flipping on the lamp beside the couch.

"what's wrong?" he asked, a bit softer after he saw you, concern written all over his face.

"nothing," you muttered, trying to sound dismissive, but your shaky voice betrayed you.

katsuki knelt in front of you, his hands resting on your knees. "don't gimme that crap," he spat, "i know when somethin's wrong. so spit it out."

you hesitated, chewing on your bottom lip... "i just… i'm tired, kats," you admitted, barely above a whisper. "i try so hard, but it feels like nobody sees it. nobody cares. i don't even know why i bother sometimes."

his frown deepened, and he reached up to gently pull your hands away from your face. "look at me," he said firmly. when you didn't immediately comply, he repeated, softly, "c'mon, look at me."

you hesitantly raised your head to face him "listen," he said, his hands warm on your knees. "i don't give a damn what anyone else sees or doesn't see. i see you. i see how hard you work, how much you put into everything. and i'm tellin' you right now, i'm proud of you."

your throat tightened, and a tear slipped down your cheek before you could stop it. he reached up, brushing it away with his thumb. "you hear me? you're doin' enough, and i'm proud of you for it."

you let out a shaky breath, more tears following as the weight on your chest began to lift. katsuki shifted, sitting beside you on the couch and he pulled you into his arms. he held you close, one hand gently rubbing your back while the other cradled your head against his shoulder.

"it's okay to be tired," he murmured, "it's okay to feel like shit sometimes. but don't you ever think for a second that what you're doin' doesn't matter. it matters to me, alright?"

you nodded against his shoulder, the warmth of his embrace grounding you. "thank you," you whispered.

"tch," he scoffed softly, pressing a kiss to the top of your head. "don't thank me, idiot. just let me take care of you for a bit." and he peppered your face in soft kisses. (＾ｖ＾)

masterlist.

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inkats · 3 months ago

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something about making things is that its so embarrassing. pg 4 is my favourite i wrote this bf the last one and incredibly late at night w minimal editing and i think it shows. also i sneepy i will update w the tones but it may be a few weeks.

#i think this one just reads worse. i lack incredibly in experience when it comes to 'hanging out' i have no idea how to write. vulnerability #also something to note is that these are not “canon” but are more or less in character. so like. these events may not have happened #but like the things you could inference about them and their lives from it is probably accurate..#this was more so me being sad after graduating.. ^-^#you can still give me critique!!! im still for it!!! btw!!!!!#i have no idea how to place speech bubbles. which im like. studying every comic i read now about this after da struggle.#but if uve got that specifically....#and anything else u think i could do better #hello yes see i draw #comic #my ocs #digital art

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puhpandas · 7 months ago

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mutuals how do you feel about Gregory's voice

#im just wondering #do you think he has a good voice and you like it #or do you think the performance could be better #or do u think he should be voiced by an entirely different person?#is there anyone u would cast for him #i personally think his voice could be a lot better and dont like it very much #i rlly like his voice actress but not her performance as Gregory #i think they should have gotten someone else to voice him FOR him #and not just settle for one of their already casted roles to use one less VA #u guys can have more than 4 voice actors u know....#pandas.txt #like its not awful or anything but i rlly think his voice could be way better

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autistic-katara · 8 months ago

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there r fics that make u insane (so amazingly good it’s removed ur sanity) and then there’s fics that make u insane (you need to fistfight the author for how they did a specific thing that caused u to rant for hours)

#i know i just posted that other thing but ffs that is NOT how u handle someone in that situation everyone involved made everything 10x worse #yet it’s being treated like the right thing to do (which again ofc they’re cops they don’t understand harm reduction but still) like #seriously everything’s so forceful like u seriously think forcing ur friend to talk to u or forcing a patient to talk to a therapist under #the threat of being admitted to a psychiatric hospital is gonna make her feel comfortable talking to u? or anyone? she’s just gonna trust u #less and get better at hiding it and speaking of which the taking away all sharp objects thing makes sense in theory but like think abt it #for a minute she confirmed she isn’t suicidal and this is her only way of coping so do not just forcibly take away all her coping mechanism #like yes she is hurting herself but it’s a COPING MECHANISM. she’s coping with something. help her with that don’t just take away her penci #sharpers or whatever (which btw since she’s an adult she could easily buy more stuff and yk learn to hide it better) which again has to be #voluntary it isn’t gonna work if u force someone to do smthn they don’t want to like as ur friend u could’ve made it clear u care abt her #and wouldn’t judge her for anything and r here if she wants to talk don’t just say “you have to talk to me” and casually threaten #hospitalisation when she isn’t ready in the moment like seriously if this wasn’t a badly written fanfic she would completely stop trusting #bcz given that this wasn’t even done out of panic i would like ffs u are NOT doing any of this right #oops sorry ranted abt the bad fic in my tags-#it’s not where the author’ll see it and know it’s about them i don’t feel bad abt it #this was my first time even looking at stuff for this fandom so #cw self harm in tags #idk if i need to tag anything else for that 😭#fanfic #ao3 #ryan shut the fuck up

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opens-up-4-nobody · 11 months ago

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...

#man ive never seen an eating disorder kill someone else besides a parent infecting a child but my nana is really trying #shes like 1000% orthotexic. will not eat anything not filled with vegetables or fat. and my grandpa is 87yo with a heart condition currentl #in the hospital for covid bc thry went to Christmas church and dont believe in being vaccinated and my dad is so frustrated #bc he knows his mom is not gonna give his dad hearty foods. he needs to eat like protein shakes and meat and ice cream. anything thats not #her cooking which sucks on top of being extremely healthy. except its not healthy bc they dont eat a balanced diet #so its my nanas eating disorder killing her husband and shes so fucking frustrating. im like 99% sure she has obsessive compulsive #personally disorder bc she fits to a T and has zero insight. she may have full on 0cd bc talking to my dad he has more obvious 0cd #compulsions than i do. he used to say phrases before going to bed and would take 2 steps across the floor to prevent bad things from #happening. so like im pretty sure my nana is where i get my perfectionism and 0cd. god. i wish i could express how fucked up she is #like my dad said at least he had a stable home to grow up in but like she has zero sympathy for other people. cannot look past herself. wil #not wear a mask bc she doesnt care enough abt other ppl. my dad was like: u would not have survived in that house. which is fair bc i am #barely keeping it together coming from a stable home with two sympathetic parents who i know love me #and like its sad that they're suffering the effects of buying into the fox news bullshit and its killing them #but also. genuinely. i think theyre not very good ppl. theyre the type of people who think they're better bc they're religious. white. and #thin. and theyre not better thsn anyone. their grandchildren cant stand them. well cant stand her at least. papa is just quite so its hard #to say what hes thinking. apparently he was confused last night and saying something about eating dinner on the golf course. which sounds #nicer thsn being in the hospital lol. ugh. he seems not long for this world tbh. may he pass peacefully to b with his 1st wife who died of #brain cancer at age like 20 or something. so it goes. bleh. how many funerals are intended for me in the next 5 years? hopefully none but #that seems improbable with the unspoken drain circling that seems to b going on in this family. old age and like almost 10 years of cancer #defying the stats but for how much longer?#i dunno. its just so weird to watch these things happen and not talk about it directly to the other ppl who see it #i worry that ill come off as too callose or inappropriate bc i have that tendency when something bad is happening but thats everyone else #excuse? idk i just feel like its better to talk abt things #unrelated #ed mention #i tell u this so i can say these things to someone and also bc if i were u. i would like to hear the drama #bc im nosey and i assume other r too ;-]

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starlooove · 7 months ago

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I’m trying not to be a hater but that tiktok and comment section pissed me off so bad.

#the way the fics end in Bruce saying sorry and everyone coddling tim and tims like ‘well I was just a placeholder 🥺’#the fun part about tim is that he made grown ass decisions at a little ass age that literally everyone told him would turn out bad #and then it turned out bad and he knows he dug his own grave so he just has to pretty it up as best as he can #and if he could go back in time he would do that shit again BECAUSE HE LIKES IT! BECAUSE ITS EXCITING! BECAUSE HE WANTED TO BE ROBIN #that Robin is a job shit is a lie he told himself that literally nobody around but YALL the stupid ass audience believed #that’s like the crux of him I think #lying to himself to get the job done because he can’t let his emotions get in the way but unfortunately that’s not how it works #and when he realizes that he gets pissed at everyone else for not letting it work and himself for not making it work #he somehow thinks that he can remove this attitude as tim Drake when Robin is the crutch tim Drake leans on in adulthood #which is an issue because now everyone around him is moving and he’s still stuck at 14 knocking on dicks door and hoping that he’ll have to #make use of the suit he brought with him. not because he’s excited or anything but just in case #his friends and family died and came back Gotham gets destroyed every other day and rebuilt every other week everything keeps changing but #nothing is and he’s stuck in that cycle and maybe it’s his fault for not letting things rest but he refuses to accept that because he’s GOOD #as Robin he does excellent work and always has and nothing will change that not even a new Robin. his friends are all making names for #themselves and he’s still stuck under Bruce’s cape fighting a teenager to be robin.#THATS whats fun about tim #the writing is stuck rn I’ll give u that but the next move should be an acknowledgment of that #tim doesn’t wanna peak in high school so he has to move on but he doesn’t know how and matter of fact doesn’t know why! nothings been this #permanent before (<-LYING!)#but no whatever everyone hates him realizes they’re wrong and he leaves Gotham bc he deserves better but comes back bc he’s so nice. ok.

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tamagotchikgs · 24 days ago

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feeling terrible feeling guilt n regret n just wishing i could make it better but i think in trying id make it worse (again)

#i just want to apologize #i want to say sorry in a way that matters #i wish i knew how #its not even a big deal i dont think i think me feeling bad is already making it worse #somehow everything bad is my fault but nothing good could ever have me included in the equation #and i dont know how to convince myself of anything else #over n over im hounded by my brain #like oh u must think youre so important #but i dont #i just always ruin things #my existence has always made things worse #its all i know #so i have to try #i have to try n make things better even if im humiliating myself in the process #even if it has nothing to do with me i still want to help #but i never do #i make it worse #i feel like im breaking everything piece by piece n i dont know what to do #all i do is cry

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dandyshucks · 3 months ago

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trying to tell other ppl about OCs is so hard and embarrassing, like yeah here's my automaton guy that I've been calling Empty Mask, yeah I nearly cried over the thought of him collecting broken porcelain dolls the other day, yeah he sounds kind of stupid but he's actually kind of a tragic character if u get to know his story,,,,,,

#I JUST FEEL SO STUPID TRYING TO EXPLAIN CHARACTERS TO PPL 😭😭#they always think empty mask is a weird silly name and it IS weird and kind of stupid fjfkdl #but its like. the cracked exterior shell of an automata and he's missing stuff behind the face shell.... THERES MEANING TO IT 😭😭#also its technically a placeholder name until he figures one out for himself once he finds a proper identity for himself...#BUT THE SAME THING WITH WARDELL #''yeah this is my guy who turns into a dog. um. the fae cursed him sort of and now he works for them? but he doesn't want to.#and he's... yeah u know what lets talk abt smth else actually'' DHDJDKL BLEASE i wish i was better at it #actually i could be better at it but i dont want to put effort into telling ppl stories if they dont care #and i cant tell if they care or not so i just give them a half-hearted explanation to judge their interest #and then ofc bc i do such a bad job then they aren't rly interested fhfkdl #but i AM a good storyteller if i actually put effort and heart into it 😭 I've been told many times how engaging i am w storytelling irl #i just. get scared to put effort into it LMAO esp when these stories Mean smth to me #i can tell someone abt when i had to try to cross paths w a black bear easy peasy bc thats just a thing that happened #but it doesnt Mean anything to me beyond it just being somewhat interesting #my characters though .... aaougghhh #dandy.cmd #vent //

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donnatroyyyy · 1 year ago

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Batman has/had some kind of miscommunication going on with every single one of his kids. The bat family is just one big miscommunication trope after the other.

#him and Dick have miscommunication about how they see each other. Bruce sees Dick as a son and Dick sees Bruce as a father #but they didn’t think the other saw them that way so they never told each other. that’s what led to their fights in Dick’s later teenage #years and dick quitting and becoming nightwing. he thought Bruce only saw him as a ward/robin so he thought that as long as he couldn’t be #robin Bruce wouldn’t want him #and if didn’t help when Bruce stopped talking to him when he left. though to Bruce it was because he thought Dick didn’t want to talk to him #and also Dick really needs to tell Bruce like ‘hey you put me on a higher pedestal then you put even yourself which is saying something and #and I don’t like that cuz that’s too much pressure for me. and also since you did it everyone else does it and has done it since I was Robin #and it’s literally just a matter of time before I break from the pressure cuz I’m not fucking Superman and I can’t take it’#and Jason with the whole UTRH thing. you know all Bruce had to say was that he had tried killing the joker over Jason multiple times and #maybe just explain to Jason WHY he doesn’t kill. a simple ‘you’re better than me because if I killed one person I’d kill everyone’#or it could even just be a simple ‘I do love you Jason youre the kid that I felt most comfortable loving’#and also maybe a ‘I don’t think anything changed after my death and that makes my death meaningless which I think goes against your no kill #rule because I hat is the rule of not a reminder taht death means something. and by that logic my death already went against the rule so why #can’t you do it again for the man that murdered me.’ and Bruce needs to make a presentation: ‘all the ways Jason’s death meant something’#and Tim just needs a simple ‘I don’t see you as work I see you as family.’ maybe even a ‘you don’t have to be the grown up in this relati #anymore I’m sorry you were one to begin with. you should’ve always been the child’#now his miscommunication with Damian goes much deeper but I’m one hundred percent sure if they sit down and air out all of their feelings it #would help a lot but I have a feeling that won’t happen #a ‘I have trouble understanding you because both your trauma and compassion run deeper than mine and I also never had to grow up to be a #weapon’ from Bruce and a ‘I don’t understand your optimism and moral stubbornness and easness why is it so easy to be good for u?’#his miscommunication with Cass stems from two things a simple ‘why are you so afraid to show how deeply you love?’ from Cass maybe a #‘I’m jealous of you because you’re better than me not only in fighting but morally and emotionally’ from Bruce should fix it #and Steph— look I’m not even going to TRY to get into that that goes SO much deeer and wider than any one else’s miscommunication #but maybe a ‘you reminded me of Jason at a time where that wasn’t a good thing’ from Bruce should start things up #for Duke a ‘I can never truly understand what you’re going/have gone through and for that I’m sorry’ from Bruce should suffice #maybe also Bruce telling him that just because he sees Duke as a son doesn’t mean he’s trying any less to get Duke his parents back #oh and babs just needs to go up to him and say ‘I don’t like that what happened to me happened for your story and not mine and I don’t like #that you don’t let me make it into my story’ and then Bruce can follow up and say ‘I see so much of myself in you and it makes me worry and #also I can never look at you without feeling guilty cuz you’re right what happened to you happened for MY story so I’m at fault’#then the two can go back to being too much like each other and sitting at their respective computers

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llycaons · 4 months ago

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one of the prev posts I was like oh cql? on the url and they WERE cql...but their top tag was...bad....but I don't even have the energy to refute their nonsensical arguments for it because like that's not what shipping really is about but also THEY REALLY THINK JC IS *THE ONE* TO MAKE WWX HAPPY AND LWJ IS BORING???? incest aside like jc makes wwx MISERABLE jfc canonically yeah lwj does make wwx happy and jc is left miserable and alone due to the consequenves of his actions including actively tormenting and mocking and humiliating and trying to kill wwx. go die mad about it 😭

#like 'wow their love for each other is so crazy and all-consuming its insane to thibk some boring lan cultivator could do that for him'#WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT!!!!! their relationship is so unhealthy and marred by debt and obligations in the FIRST PLACE #and even without that yeah there's love there but they also just don't see eye to eye on so many things and jc actively impedes #wwx in things he wants or believes in and also treats him like shit like this is fully a sector of the fanbase who are just making things u #in their own head to enjoy #which would be mildly annoying if not for the fact that it's 1. INCEST #and 2. between two characters with THAT kind of history. wwx needs someone he can like...trust..#okay I guess I donhave the energy. I'm less angry at them calling lwj boring. yeah he is kind of boring but that's fine #wwx canonically doesn't think so and canonically is very happy w him #these bitches think his arguably abusive extremely immature and volatile pseudo-brother who tortured and tried to kill him is BETTER FOR HI #?????? brother jc is not better for ANYONE. there's loving someone and there's wanting to be around them and shit. like there's so much #history there it's lucky if they can even be friends again #like 🤢🤢🤢 what the fuck are you on. the narrative was pretty clear. media comprehension -100000 #I don't even think this person is unintelligent or anything they just have incredibly bad and nonsensical taste #or at least used to. idk how old those posts were I fully admit #wwx with anyone besides lwj is a hard sell but jc is beyond insane for multiple reasons #even if you 'don't see them as brothers' which is an interpretation I guess they still have a horrible relationship #and jc makes wwx feel terrible bc he has a bad personality and blames wwx for all the most painful things that happened to him and he lashe #out constantly. like he canonically makes wwx miserable and forces him to prioritize jcs own emotional and physical needs. by the end he's #a little better. but he's also not the moral beacon wwx gravitates towards. he's pragmatic and callous #wwx NEEDS someone he can trust someone who shares his principles someone who will take care of him and not demand him to crush inconvenient #parts of himself and play nice. to cater to someone else's feelings #like...structurally they're so well matched this post was insane I hate c/x shippers so much 😭#cor.txt

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justinefrischmanngf · 1 year ago

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it’s not that it makes me sad per se but i really could’ve been dating someone i did actually kind of really want to date since JULY. and now the moment is literally so far gone and i didn’t realise until the moment was so far gone !!!

#like it actually doesnt make me sad because there wouldve been major complications Had we dated #and the person who i trust most in this world has told me theyre glad it didnt happen #and i think in the long run he’s not the First person i should date anyway like in an ideal world we’d date like. 2-3 years on from now when #i’d been in at least one relationship to work out how i operate in a relationship #but it’s also like i wish i had known that the opportunity was there and i wish i had taken it #and part of me goes well maybe in 2-3 years it COULD happen #but i think that does a disservice to the person he’s dating now like . i do hope they’re happy and it goes well for the both of them #AND ALSO ITS WEIRD AS FUCK TO BE LIKE OH WELL MAYBE IN A FEW YEARS ILL DATE THIS PERSON *AFTER* another person??????#like bitch who do you think u are that you’ll have managed to date ANYONE in that time and also why the fuck would u date someone without #hoping it would last????????#but thoughts ≠ action nor are they inherently moralistic #but also that’s a weird way 2 think about relationships #it’d be funny if it happened though #idk i just think that if the timing was different he and i could have so much fun dating like genuinely i think it’d be a really good time #but it’s really weird because i’m not pining away after him or anything like ik it sounds like i am #but it’s not like that it’s more just that it’s opened up all these thoughts that i hadn’t really thought possible before ?#and they’re not possible NOW bc he’s dating someone else so i’m in exactly the same position but idk #i think i’m getting too settled. i’m TOO SETTLED.#because it’s literally not normal to think oh maybe in three years we could date and it’d be better timing for both of us ???????????#unhinged behaviour. what the fuck is that.#it’d be fucking hilarious if it happened tho

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ame-to-ame · 4 months ago

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oh. hm.

#i had a realization today and now i feel so absolutely horrible.#when i was out w friends today one of them wasn't having a good time and stepped out for a moment #and in the back i could hear the other 2 whispering to each other basically abt how she's been like this last time they hung out too #the consensus unspoken was that there was sth off. but they kinda just kept moving along. i stepped out for a bit bc i felt like idk.#she's out alone on the streets someone has to make sure she's okay right.#when I'm back one of them goes oh i was just wondering where you were. as if everything is normal.#after a bit of wandering around in the store the other goes oh where is xxx? as if we weren't all there when she said she's gonna step out.#as if they didn't discuss her behavior right after.#and it suddenly reminded me of when i found my ex with her head buried in her hands when i was gone for a bit.#and i was like oh what's going on and the other 2 there were just chatting and one of them just is like idk she's sleeping.#She Was Crying. I was so. idk. i was panicking i was so worried. And I was so mad too bc how could they not notice a friend being unwell??#and i hated myself for it bc it was my fault for leaving her there and i had her id and it was really my fault and i wouldn't have known #i wouldn't have known that. idk. i thought she was left with people who were her friends who should then pay attention to her wellbeing #idk i. i would have trusted my friends to take care of or at least be aware of how i feel.#but we left for a bit and nobody even noticed. what happened. someone even texted asking where did we go.#and idk it's just the same thing i just realized and connected the dots. they will pay lip service. they will tell u they care abt u.#and they will echo it among themselves oh i worry abt xxx is xxx okay oh yeah xxx has been acting like this as if it actually does anything.#and nobody will actually make sure later on. that she is actually. doing fine. that they can do what's good for her atm.#and God. I'm just realizing that. idk. i. i wish i could've been a better support for my ex if she really had needed it at the time. idk.#i was just listening to what other ppl were telling me. but i. i didn't think it through. if these are the ppl she has for support.#if they didn't care to make me feel cared for. if they didn't care to check if she was okay back then. idk i. God.#oh God. what if i fucked up majorly. god. oh god. idk i just thought they treated me like that bc thry we're mad at me #but what if it's. not a me issue. and i shouldn't have trusted that other ppl would take care of her. bc they aren't. trustworthy in that.#ugh but at the same time. she asked for space from me. what else was i supposed to assume than that she didn't want me around?#at the very very least at least I'm sure her family loves her a lot and will care for her and make sure she's okay. god. i hope so.#idk!! i care but in my position i don't think me caring or wanting to help does anything. she doesn't want my support. she doesn't want me.#idk it's something wrong w me probably i genuinely don't know. she's the one telling me she's worried I'm pushing ppl away so.#it's not behavior she condones ig so it makes no sense if she does it herself if she believed i was good for/to her but still pushed me away #so in conclusion There's gotta be something that i fucked up There's gotta be sth wrong w me but i. god. i.#i have so much to nitpick with myself i genuinely don't even know if I'm a good measure or judge of what i did wrong or right.

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north-wilkesboro-moonshine-cave · 5 months ago

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not to be a colossal fucking cowabummer about everything but it really does suck that like. my really chill and like. supposedly more realistic type of career goal feels about as unattainable as like a kid saying he wants to be a singer or something

#kazoo noises #like yeah this was supposed to be a job i COULD get. i thought bc like. i was going into the field bc i loved the work and not bc i couldnt #make it into academia (fuck u alt-ac term users yall are snobs) id like maybe be able to cobble it together bc like. im good at doing work.#i can usually make something happen and i got a good attitude. but jesus ive got one year left and every job app comes back negative if the #even bother to respond #like idk man. i knew iwasnt gonna be making money or shit and i knew it was gonna be rough but like. everyone else i meet already has a gig #or at least like gig adjacent. volunteer or field experience or internship and like. i cant get anything to stick. its not like ive done #nothing either? ive worked extensively with small scale exhibition design. i have worked extensively with special collections libraries.#i have literal years worth of research experience from college. i have an entirely customer service based resume thats not academic so i #can handle a patron (and crucially different from my peers: I WANT TO)#i can organize. i can write and design labels. i can communicate. i can handle special collections objects. i can make ANY microfilm reader #work for me even when it doesnt want to #and im not saying my classmates arent qualified. but like. surely this has to amount to something. i have been so stupidly lucky #to have even half the experiences i do. i have variety in my degree that even some of my classmates would kill for i think. i did. so much.#i have had so many advantages and i like to think i use them well and that i am grateful for them. but why cant i make that shit connect???#my resume is good. im reliable. i want to work more than anything. so why cant i get a call back???#legitimately how much longer do i get to keep telling myself i a not the common denominator here #sorry for diary posting but im prepping to walk to the house tour and planning what job apps i can fill out when i get back and literally.#just like. why do i bother. i should have just held my nose and done the online only program in state. i'd probably spend less time rotting #god being 23 fucking sucks. it is going to be better. im literally just barely an adult. this cant be it and it wont be it. but jesus. i go #over having to beg for a rejection letter about ten months ago when i still felt like i had a shot at these experiences

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blitz0hno · 6 months ago

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I don't want to get off my phone I don't want to stay on my phone I don't want to pump gas I don't want to do deliveries I don't want to get ready for bed I don't want to write anything of substance I don't want to create I don't want to not create I don't want to be here I don't want to go anywhere I don't want to move I don't want to stay still my brain and body seem to simply want to sit here and Yearn

#is this like a shutdown i think we're having a shutdown #cuz like #we're not experiencing the pain of the overwhelm #but that's because we're dissociating really bad #like am i blitz are we blurry have we been in this parking lot for hours #why can't i just do anything but type #we're just sitting here numb and unmotivated #vent #i guess #tagging in case as always #idk man #“get a hobby” we have several #“get a life” we have. one but we have to share #“get a job” 2 jobs going on possibly 3 next month ok im starting to understand #we are indeed having to face a future and have no solid Plans yet #i thought getting our biggest worry out of the way now that my cat is w a trusted friend would help #but everything else is at the Forefront of our mind now whoops!!#ironically it would be better if we just. cane up w a plan #but noooo sensory overload from our own fucking chatter #allllll dayyyyyy #fuckkkkk #we're probably gonna go to bed lol i can try again tomorrow #we're ok just. we “shouldn't be” if that makes sense lol #if we're going to be a wreck i wish i could at least provess it #like it's worse than emotional denial i straight-up don't have access to said emotions rn #“don't underestimate my capacity to not wanna” type shit sjfhhshsh #oh also we need to eat dude come on #dont want to do that either but alas we need nutrients to live #at least we like living!#usually lmao also i did it (apparently) i reached 30 tags. thank u tumblr i love yapping

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opens-up-4-nobody · 1 year ago

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#head instructor to the TAs in the lab section i TA for: how r u guys feeling abt the workload?#me who hasnt graded anything since week 1 and spent an hr that morning filling out a patient safety plan: 🙃#listen. we r experiencing symptoms that make us shitty at our job. which is not helpful for a positive outlook #i was also experiencing horrible cramps at the time bc i lost my ibuprofen and 2 days ago i stopped the birth control in a desperate effort #to stop feeling terrible. but in this moment i feel alright. its wild to go from drastically unhappy to like lol wtf was that? anyway stop #being a bby loser. for no obvious reason. im gonna start the birth control again to see if i get depressed again or if that was just me lol #i dont think my therapist understands the depth of my executive functioning issues tho. bc im a grad student and can meet deadlines. like #let me tell u im a fucking disaster abt starting things. i will go back and forth and get nothing done forever. or i do things halfway and #make everything 30 times more difficult later bc no one else understands how my brain works #ah well. itll b fine. sometimes i just get freaked out that i wanna b better and i dont kno how to do that. so i spiral in despair a lil #ill b fine. im good at catching myself before i get too out of control. annoyingly tho i am not currently beating the bip0lar allagations #bc whatever tf is wrong with me i do probably fit the diagnostic criteria for bip0lar 2. i dont kno y that freaks me out so much. i guess #its bc it feels like something i cant just make better thru force of will and i grew up in a home that was very obsessively #health conscious to the point my dad gets anxious abt taking a single ibuprofen. so like ive been conditioned to get freaked out by #medication. literally my grandma will call me and tell me to b suspicious of doctors and to not take medicine unless absolutely necessary.#like lady u r the genetic reason i have 0cd shut the fuck up. also it feels like something that would more negatively affect how ppl think #of u than saying oh yea i get depressed or i have anxiety. like the connotation feels worse im used to just telling ppl whatever tf #my problem is. so the idea of holding something back feels weird. which annoys me bc i dont think there should b so much of a stigma. its #bullshit. anyway idk. im tired. i was trying to think of a comfort tv show with my therapist and all i could think was the terror #when im depressed i wanna watch those English mother fuckers suffer and die. i just lov that show so much. harry g00dsir my beloved. the #most me coded character to ever exist #unrelated

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bmpmp3 · 7 months ago

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speaking of genbu's "serious" sounding tone in his voicebank, i think that might be why he was such a dead ringer for teto pre-synthv-bank-release with just a couple little gender parameter tweaks. wait do my followers know this. sorry i know most of my vocal synthesizer talk is genuinely gibberish to my beloved and loyal long time followers but do you guys know this. for a few years, people had discovered that since utau teto and genbu have this similar strong enunciation and dark sounding tone plus teto can have a bit of a tomboyish edge to her voice anyway -> if u mess with some parameters and phonemes he'll sound close enough to her, so it became a bit of running gag in the community, along with just being a genuine and novel use case for his voicebank. actually recently i found out about someone who made a couple of synthv scripts to set genbus voice to his falsetto pitch and set the tension to drop during each syllable automatically to make him sound like the utau sora amaha. genbu's purpose is to impersonate other vocal synthesizers

#i wasnt familiar with sora until i found that video. apparently she's voiced by lon? like that lon? like the utaite?#which is really neat! every day i find out about another utaite or seiyuu or someone who is involved with vocal synths in some fashion #im still reeling from anju inami providing the voice for a cevio bank! oh and the other day #i learned that the utaite kano was involved with the japanese version of luo tianyi #only to clear up some pronunciations - most of the bank is apparently the original provider. but its really interesting!#also jk jk genbu i love you. you are youre own vocal synth. you dont have to be her (teto). be yourself!!!!!!#i do love when people make teto and genbu have beef though. its so funny to me #tbh ive never been a teto user. shes not bad or anything i just never had any desire to use her utau bank. i keep her sv lite around tho #just in case i feel like making her bully genbu or something. bully that grown ass man #wait is she older or younger. i forgot how her fucked up chimera age worked again. oh well. whether ur 30 or 16 u can still bully him <3 #its a family activity. fun for all ages! anyway yeah i was never much of a teto user. tbh i think its just because like #if i want to hear a teto cover someone else probably has already done it far better than i could even think to LOL #i like when other people use her! sasuke haraguchi's use of her in hitomania and igaku has been magnifique #but i think with vsynths i prefer to use voices i like that no one uses much LOL #gives me much more drive to make covers if i know im one of the few doing it HJKDSLJ #whenever i get tired to pitchbending fast syllables (my least favourite part LOL) i think to myself.... i must.... i must....#do it for him (genbu)..... hes not very popular since hes not the only male japanese voice anymore..... i must do it for HIM!!!!!!#(tunes one phoneme and explodes on impact)

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