#and another thing…. he’s ugly! i don’t like the bangs! or his hair!

[yuwuta]

can i ask why do you dislike satosugu?👀 not hate! i'm not particularily fond of them either outside of a platonic relationship tbh, i have a long mental essay as to why lol (feel free to not answer if you feel like this is controversial, i don't wanna make anyone uncomfortable)

not a problem, i love openly bashing this man. it’s mostly because i don’t like geto to begin with LOL the short version is: i think he’s kind of a bitch, really wack villain arc, and his ct it overrated 🙄 also he was a terrible friend omg… i feel no sympathy for him all around, and pairing him with satoru doesn’t gain him any points in my book.

even as a pair, i don’t see the appeal. sure, they were the strongest at the time (but even in that statement i roll my eyes) but the second satoru started to take himself seriously, geto started to crash out like an insecure dcom second lead, there’s no way i could overlook that in their relationship. he was not the only one who got his ass kicked by toji and he was acting like he was and the whole universe was plotting against him 🙄 one little mission goes awry and he’s ready to be a villain? LOSER! that is so not the ninja way!! and even if toji caused him that much pyschological damage: (1) toji died, so he’s not your problem anymore, (2) he was in hs like sorry you thought you were the shit and got your world rocked like oh nooo there are people more seasoned and more powerful out there than a second-year highschooler 😱 knuck up, buttercup!! do you see anybody else losing their marbles? NO! 

i could be serious and give an elaborate answer but unserious shorthand version is really don’t think he needed to do all that nor do i think he had the status to be doing all of that 🙄 

[popponn]

how one looks. [isagi yoichi x f!reader]

notes: this was born out of love and rage for his anime official arts' clothes because why is my man dressed like t h a t way too many times already... so i will bully him a bit (then feel bad about it. and it shows). other than that: fluff, yoichi got so sappy and so smitten for a hot sec, yoichi's fashion sense slander (and lets be honest. it deserves it. yoichi's plus point, many. negative point, his closet.)

“You know,” you began and Yoichi instantly felt like he was about to get a ball kicked to his face. “I had been thinking. Why do you look like an unfashionable grandpa sometimes?”

“…huh?” Yoichi responded, not really knowing how to answer to that. What should a guy do when their girlfriend of three years plus a half, who is also probably the love of their life, insinuate something about their appearance? Neither Blue Lock nor his parents prepared him for this.

With your eyes squinting at him, you leaned towards him from your seat in the armchair. One hand perched on the armrest and supported your chin as your face scrunched up from your thoughts. “I mean, I do think you are cute and handsome. Charming too,” you said.

Yoichi tried not to melt. Years passed and he is still weak whenever you praise him out of blue like this. From his parents to his teammates to Noel Noa knew about this—so, in attempt to be normal, Yoichi tried to kept everything under a soft smile directed to you only, “Gosh. You know, you are—”

“Hey, this is about you not me. Shush, shush,” you scolded him lightly with a finger pressed to his lips. This time, Yoichi could only blinked absentmindedly as you continued in a serious manner, “But, you see, if I look at you properly without bias—I wonder why I could think like that.”

It was at this point Yoichi realized you were trying to call him not cute, not handsome, and not charming in a very roundabout way. Again, confused on how to react to things like this, he said, “…uh?”

You were not Rin, Barou, Kaiser or anyone he shared competitive trash talking with hell and back—and even calling him ‘ugly’ really was tame to the shits spitted out straight at his face. You were never like this and Yoichi knows since the four years ‘unclear situationship’ period that his appearance really does not matter to you who would look at him gently even with his face dressed in odd drawings courtesy of Bachira’s oil markers. With that being said, he really didn’t understand what was going on.

“Your hair is honestly generic. Like, I really get why Rin said he called you NPC back then,” you explained and Yoichi tried not to wince. “Oh, but don’t change it! If it changes, especially without me knowing beforehand, I probably won’t recognize you. Though what’s a bit unique about them are probably only your sprout and bangs…kind of?”

In silence and in attempt to be a good boyfriend, Yoichi could only nod.

“And then, your fashion sense…” you continued, pity coloring your face, “…actually, where do I start on that one? I think that one part of you is so hopeless it kind of turn around to cute… in a really naive and stupid way though.”

For a moment, Yoichi remembered how he used to think in Blue Lock some people could be very harsh in commenting. Turns out, listening to your girlfriend obliterating you appearance wise is a whole another level of ego bruising experience. “Now, come on, you know I’m not good at those mix matching thing…” he admitted with pain in his voice. Because at this point what could he do?

“Of course I know,” you said as if he was saying that sky is blue. “I mean, remember how I used to tease you about ‘all point in soccer and social skill, zero in others’?” Yoichi doubted that it was all ‘teasing’. At this moment, it felt like lighthearted bullying. “I’m not exactly a hundred percent kidding, you know.”

At least he saw this one coming.

“Ugh, what brought this on suddenly, seriously?” Yoichi asked with a groan. Did he do something? He didn’t forget an anniversary or something, right?

You hummed, before answering hesitantly, “Hmm…nothing much actually?”

“So you just said all that for no reason?!” he cried out, not actually buying you answer. At that, you stayed silent for a moment.

“…actually, it’s because I saw a photo of you online, not the most recent, I think,” you finally admitted, your eyes slowly drifting away from his face. “…your clothes was so ugly there I felt like burning your closet suddenly.”

“Please don’t,” Yoichi said quickly, before prompting you to continue. “And?”

“…it’s a waste,” you continued. “You are handsome, cute. Your eyes look good when you are focused. You are like a really handsome cat who is really good at soccer. But you dress like an unfashionable grandpa who really loves neon green sometimes, so it’s a waste.”

Listening to your explanation, both fondness and exasperation overcame Yoichi in a wave that felt like a pleasant breeze compared to whatever you just dished out to him seconds ago. “Don’t burn my closet though,” Yoichi said, utterly serious and yet somehow still couldn’t find it in himself to be even be a little stern on you after such honest praises.

Suddenly feeling a bit shy and tired, Yoichi buried his face in his hands. He knew for sure his face was red. And he knew how obviously weak he is for you. From the back of his mind, he could hear some familiar voices poking at him for being like this, but in the end there will always be a part of him that is so in love with you it becomes straight up stupid.

Maybe it indeed is so dumb and selfish, because as long as you are happy and it is a time shared with him, Yoichi probably wouldn’t really mind having to listen to you calling him an ‘unfashionable grandpa’ everyday.

He, more than anyone, understands how the two of you has dreams and life that took the two of you away from each other. And even then, Yoichi knows that that one part of him—one that always gaze at your sleeping figure silently, wondering how he could have this and why someone as wonderful as you is here by his side—is rightfully fearful of a ‘bad ending’. Yoichi knows you love him. Yoichi knows he loves you. Yoichi got called selfish, egoistic, self centered, and self serving many times already in matches, and that is exactly why—he knows himself.

If it’s for you—for every part of life you had given to him, for every part of you that he had fallen in love with—he is ready to be as selfless as he could.

Happily and gladly.

“Hey, you have been silent for a while now.” A pair of hands warped itself around him, meekly, as your head rested on his back. “…sorry. Was I too much? I made you overthink, didn’t I? You know I still love you, right? Even if you suddenly wake up as a wrinkly grandpa with creaking knees tomorrow.”

Yoichi laughed at that, still covering part of his face. “I don’t want to retire yet so that better not happen,” he replied lightly, going along with you.

“…you are not crying, right?” you asked, guilt written all over your tone. Yoichi tried and failed to held back a chuckle. So, accepting his fate as a lovesick asshole, he turned and pushed you to the sofa, laying his face down on your stomach as he settled in an uncomfortable position to hug you.

Yet, without paying any mind to his lower body that remained sitting whilst upper body rested on you, Yoichi said, “I’m not. How could I with you hugging me like this?”

“…really?”

“Really.”

“…should we really stay like this any longer though…?” you asked, eventually. “I’m worried for your hips.”

“I’m fine,” Yoichi said while nuzzling his face slowly to your clothes. “Just think of this as payback for bullying me.”

You scoffed lightly at that, “And you said you were fine.”

“Yeah, I am,” Yoichi said as he felt your fingers combed through his hair. So much for commenting his hairstyle. He made a note to tease you later, but for a bit longer—

“Just, let me stay here, okay?”

[strniohoeee]

Not Mine

Pairing: Matt Sturniolo X Female Reader

Synopsis: A glimpse into the rise and downfall of Y/N’s relationship. Torn between wanting to move on with her life, but also wanting to relive the past. Constantly struggling, but will she figure it out in the end?🫂

Warnings⚠️: None really just get your tissue boxes ready😔. This one’s longggg too LOLLL

Song for the imagine: Strange- Celeste

Isn’t it strange

How people can change

From strangers to friends

Friends into lovers

And strangers again?

Day 374

Another day slipping from my fingers. My breathing shallow as my eyes blinked slowly. Staring out my bedroom window as the rain trickled down the glass offering me a reflection of who I hated.

I’d like to think I’m numb to the feeling at this point, but everytime I hear his name, or see his face my chest physically hurts. Some sick and twisted part of me indulged in this feeling. I wanted to feel pain. I thrived off of it. I mean it makes us stronger in the end doesn’t it?

200 days pondering. I’ve spent 200 days trying to scoop my life together. When you’re left with no true explanation your mind tends to go overboard. Filling the cracks with reasons and excuses that you were never given.

He wasn’t mine, and I was so blind to it. Trying to fix someone who so badly didn’t care. Too blind by infatuation to see how he truly felt.

Day 180

“I just don’t understand why” I stated staring down at my empty cup

“You can’t sit here and try to figure out someone who was never even open to you fully in the first place” my friend said to me

“I mean I know, but why give me this false hope. Make it seem like you saw a future with me. When he didn’t” I said swallowing thickly

“It’s been 6 days, do not beat yourself up over it okay? You’re killing yourself trying to rack your brain looking for the whys?” She said caressing my arm

“ I reached out to him yesterday” I said sniffling

“And?” She asked looking at me with a soft smile

“He said he couldn’t see me this weekend, but maybe another time” I replied breaking down

“Please don’t cry okay, you’re going to be okay” she said pulling me and hugging me

Day 374

I got up from my chair and walked out to my living room. I inhaled a shaky breath as I looked around the dimly lit room. My eyes landed on my coffee table. I trembled at the sight of the Polaroids of us littered along the mahogany wood, the vase he got me with nothing in it, and the books he purchased for me.

I started to breathe heavily and my hands began to shake.

“I HATE YOU” I screamed, shoving everything off the table with my fists. Breaking down as I heard the glass shatter and the books tumble down

“I hate your stupid fuck boy hair cut, I hate your cold blue eyes, I hate your stupid dry skin and your cracked lips, I hate your ugly smile….I HATE YOU” I screamed the last part as I banged my fists on the table

Dry heaving from the panic attack I was putting myself through.

Day 1

My eyes browsed the pastry display as I waited in line. These all looked so good, and it was hard to pick just one, but finally my eyes landed on the last heart shaped cookie on the rack

“Next!” I heard someone yell out, my eyes darting their way

“Good morning” I said offering a smile

“Good morning! What can I get for you today” the older woman said smiling at me

“May I have a small hot latte, and the heart shaped cookie right there” I said pointing over to the glass

“Sure thing honey” she said ringing me up

After paying she turned around and began to make my latte while I waited.

As I waited I felt a presence next to me, so I looked over locking eyes with a pair of blue ones. I offered him a smile and he returned the favor

“One latte and one heart cookie” the woman said handing me my stuff

“Thank you” I said grabbing my stuff and smiling at her

“Have a good day” she said

“You too” I replied and began to walk away, nodding my head at the guy who was next to me

I left the cafe and walked to the bookstore down the road. I was browsing around when I decided to walk into the horror aisle

I was looking at some books, mindlessly walking sideways when I bumped into someone.

“Oh sorry” I said looking up, and meeting those same blue eyes

“You’re good” he said smiling at me

“I was walking while looking at the books” I said looking over at the shelves

“You’re heart shaped cookie girl” he said pointing at me

“That would be me” I said laughing

“Those are my favorite, and you got the last one” he said fake pouting

“Would you like it?” I asked him offering him the bag

“Oh no no, thank you though” he said with his hand on his chest

“So you like horror too?” I asked him

“Uhhh no” he said laughing at bit

“Well then I think you’re in the wrong aisle” I said giggling

“I actually don’t read” he said putting his hands in his pockets

“Then why are you at a bookstore?” I asked tilting my head

“Well I like to look at the covers, I’m more of a visual type of guy” he replied

“Ahhh makes sense” I said nodding my head

“But uh don’t let me stop you from looking” he said stepping away from the shelf

I nodded at him and began to look at some books. My eyes landed on a Stephen King book, and I grabbed it immediately

“I’m going to have a seat at those tables and read this book a bit, you can join if you’d like” I said looking over at the boy

“I wouldn’t want to infiltrate” he said back

“Oh no never, join me” I stated smiling at him

We sat at the table, and I took the cookie out of the bag breaking it in half.

“Have half” I said looking up at him

“No don’t worry” he said nodding at me

“Please I insist” I said handing him the cookie

Finally he obliged and began to eat it. We sat chatting for a while about random stuff. When suddenly my phone rang, and I realized I was late to meeting up with my friend

“Oh my god I’m so sorry, but I’m actually supposed to be somewhere right now and I’m totally late” I said scooting back from the chair

“Oh no worries” he said standing up as well

“It was nice talking to you…” I said looking at him

“Matthew, but I go by Matt” he said sticking his hand out

“Well Matt it was nice talking to you, I’m Y/N” I said shaking his hand

“It was great talking to you too” he said smiling at me

“Here let me give you my number. I’d like to talk again” I said nervously

“Yeah sure” he said taking his phone out

After we exchanged numbers I went on with my day

Day 5

Matt and I had met for dinner to catch up. I was enjoying my time with him. He was truly a cool person to hang around, and I slowly felt myself looking for him in my day to day interactions.

“So Matt what brings you to LA” I said looking up at him

“Well I just moved here with my brothers. We’re from Boston and we came here for our jobs” he said

“Ohhh nice what do you do?” I asked taking a sip of my drink

“Well we’re social media influencers” he said laughing a bit

“Oh that’s nice” I said smiling at him

He had shown me their pages and what they do, and I found it fascinating. They were also pretty famous might I add. I felt special hanging out with him, not going to lie.

“Do you have a girlfriend?” I asked him

“No” he replied

“Is it hard because you go between LA and Boston?” I asked

“No I just prefer to be alone” he said chuckling

“Ahhh I see” I said nodding my head

“I just don’t believe in the whole love and soulmate stuff” he replied

“No? How come” I asked him

“I mean what even is love you know? People just throw that word around, and it just ends up hurting people. I like to keep my peace and I like to be single. Less problems” he said

“That’s true” I said nodding my head

“Do you have a boyfriend?” He asked

“Oh no, but I do believe in love and soulmates. I just haven’t found mine” I said laughing

Matt nodded his head and we continued to eat. The rest of the night was amazing, sharing our philosophies on different topics and truly enjoying each others companies

Day 30

Matt and I had been hanging out pretty much everyday, and I truly enjoyed it. Of course I had my own friends, but he was a breath of fresh air.

The only other issue was that I began to have feelings towards him. I tried not to because I know he didn’t believe in love or girlfriends. But he made it hard when he was exactly what I looked for in a man

“You know I enjoy this a lot” he said as we sat on a bench eating ice cream

“Yeah? Me too” I said looking over at him

“It’s nice to just get out with you and have a good time I like it” he said eating his ice cream

“I like it too” I replied

“And I like you too” he said shrugging his shoulders

“I like you too Matt” I replied looking over at him again

That night Matt had walked me home since I wasn’t too far from the ice cream shop.

“Well this is me” I said pointing to the building

“Thank you for coming out tonight” he said

“Thank you for inviting me I had a blast” I said

“Well I’ll let you go now” he said opening his arms for a hug

I hugged Matt and in that moment I felt like my dreams were slowly becoming a reality.

When we pulled away we stopped and stared at one for a moment. Our eyes searched for an answer when suddenly he leaned down and kissed me.

Our lips locked in such a beautiful kiss.

That night when we parted ways my heart thumped with adrenaline. My mind racing with all the possibilities of what we could be.

Day 50

“This view is amazing” Matt said looking at the city line beneath us

“Isn’t it? I come up here when I want to think and clear my mind, but it’s just so beautiful I had to bring you” I said

“There’s not many people here” he replied looking around

“Well yeah, it’s a secret spot” I said smiling at him

“You took me to your secret spot? Am I that special?” He asked

“I guess so” I said biting my bottom lip

He came up behind me wrapping his arms around my waist as he leaned his head on my shoulder. Swaying us side to side slowly.

“When I want to clear my mind I got to this small beach that not many people know about in Boston. It’s actually a place I discovered when my first girlfriend broke up with me. I was so hurt and angry that I just kept driving and landed there” he said looking at the skyline

“I’ve never told anyone that” he whispered

My heart fluttered at this. Being able to break down his walls to get him to tell me more about himself made me warm inside. I think I was changing him….

“I thought you didn’t believe in love?” I said in a whisper

“Well after her I don’t. She completely destroyed me, and I vouched to never give my heart to anyone again” he replied looking at me

“And what about me?” I said laughing

“You’re different” he said tapping my chin with his thumb

Day 63

Matt and I had just had sex for the first time. I mean it was amazing he was so careful with me like I was a dainty feather. He took his time, caressing my every inch, kissing all my insecurities away. He made me feel loved.

My mind moved as we laid in his bed, the sheets keeping us tangled together. The sunlight kissing his skin as he laid on my chest lightly snoring.

His right hand gently placed on my torso as my right hand raked through his hair. Massaging his scalp and occasionally running down his back as the goosebumps rose on his skin.

A smile growing on my face as Matt laid in my arms. My mind playing all our possibilities repeatedly. Matt made me the happiest girl in the world, and I didn’t even know if he realized how special this made me feel

Day 97

My mind began to race as insecurities began to cloud my mind. We’ve been seeing each other for well over two months now, and I wasn’t sure what we were?

I paced around my living room as Matt sat on the couch watching me.

“Y/N what’s wrong?” He asked me, causing me to stop in my tracks

“What….what are we?” I asked looking at him

“What do you mean?” He asked

“I mean us Matt. Were sleeping together, going on dates sending each other gifts, but you haven’t said I was your girlfriend” I replied

“I liked you Y/N a lot, and who cares about labels okay? I want to be with you and that’s all” he said

“I guess…I guess you’re right” I said nodding at him

Day 132

I slammed the door behind me as I stomped into my kitchen throwing my stuff down. I grabbed a bottle of water and began to drink it

“What's the issue now?” Matt asked throwing his hands up in defense

“The issue? Matt some girl was practically throwing herself on you, and you didn’t do a single thing, but when I tell her to back off I’m the problem” I said walking over to him

“Well I can handle my own. I told her I wasn’t interested, and the way you acted was embarrassing” he said

“Matt this happens all the time, and I’m sorry if I embarrassed you, but I’ve had enough of this shit happening” I said shoving past him

“It’s not that serious okay” he said

“You know what? It is serious Matthew. I don’t get this whole casual thing. I want to be your girlfriend. You don’t take me on dates, buy me flowers and have sex with me and say you want this to be casual and just a friends with benefit type of thing. FRIENDS DONT DO THIS” I said raising my voice

“I don’t know what you expect from me. I’ve made this clear from the beginning” he said sighing

“Get out….JUST GET THE FUCK OUT” I yelled opening the front door

Matt left and I slammed the door behind him. Falling down and breaking down on the ground. Why was he being so cruel to me? I didn't get it.

Day 135

I hadn’t spoken to Matt in 3 days, and it was truly bothering me. I prayed he would call or, or show up at my door, but I was disappointed when I got nothing.

I paced my living room anxious and biting my nails contemplating if I should head over to Matt’s house.

After some more bantering with myself I opened my front door to walk out, when I saw Matt getting ready to knock on my door.

“I…what are you doing here?” I asked him

“I came here to say sorry” he said his head hung low

“It’s okay Matt. I just need you to tell me that we aren’t just friends” I said as I moved out the way to let him walk in

He slowly began to walk in without saying a word when I stopped him

“Please” I said in a whisper

“I can’t give you that because it’s not the truth. I’ve made it clear from the beginning I don’t do love. I’m sorry if this isn’t what you want” he said looking at me

Like an idiot I ignored his statement and let him into my house. I swore up and down I could change his mind and make him see that we were meant to be together.

Day 171

Matt and I went bowling which was his favorite thing to do, but the whole time it was like his mind was elsewhere.

“I got a strike babyyyy” I said doing a dance that he loved seeing me do

“Nice” he said offering me a half smile

“What’s wrong?” I asked sitting down next to him

“Nothings wrong” he said looking over at me

“I can tell by your demeanor, are you okay?” I asked again reading his face for an answer

“I’m just tired is all” he said

“We can leave, we can get something to eat or head back to my house” I said smiling at him

“I think…I think I’m going to call it a night” he said standing up

“Oh okay” I said also standing up

We closed our lane and headed outside. He waited for a Uber while my house was two blocks down.

“I’ll uh I’ll see you in a few days” he said nodding at me

“Umm yeah sure” I said bluntly

He kissed me on the cheek as his Uber pulled up. He got in without saying anything else, and didnt even look at me as it drove away.

I walked back home that night confused, hurt and angry. Why was he being this way with me?

Day 174

Matt had asked me to meet him at the cafe we first met around 12. I had gotten there around 12:05, and met him at a table in the back

“Hi” I said sitting down

“Hi” he said staring at me

“Sooo what’s up” I said getting nervous

“I think we should part ways” he said swallowing thickly

“What?” I said as my brows furrowed

“I mean we’re just not meant to be. We fight all the time now and I find no joy in what we do” he said blinking

“I mean couples fight all the time right? This is normal we just have to learn to talk it out” I said reaching out to grab his hand

“The thing is I don’t like who I force myself to be around you. What we had was great, but I’m not ready for a relationship and I can’t give you what you want” he stated

“But…but we can work this out. We can find a middle ground” I said fighting for my life

“No Y/N….we’re over” he stated

I looked at him and blinked. When I saw how serious he was I got up from the table and walked away.

I looked back and prayed he’d be lookin for me, but he wasn’t. He didn’t even care to watch me walk out of his life.

That day ruined me

Day 200

I laid in bed most days tossing and turning as the memories of us played in my mind. Haunted by these memories I often forced myself to sleep, or to cry. My wales so loud I couldn’t even hear my own thoughts

Day 43

“So how’s it going with Matt?” My friend asked

“Oh it’s going amazing! I’m head over heels for this guy, and I think we’re going to end up together” I told her

“Tell me more about him” she said as her eyes lit up

“Oh god I love his hair, the wavy brown locks, and I love his blue eyes I swear I could see a glimpse of us in them, and I love his skin how soft it is and how his cheeks flush when I compliment him, I love his lips they’re so plump and moisturized all the time and I love his smile. His teeth are gorgeous and his smile lights up any room he walks into” I said smiling like an idiot

“Oh god… you really are in love with him” she said laughing

“I guess so” I said laughing with her

Day 205

It was a bit over a month now since I last spoke to Matt. I mean I used to see him everywhere and it’s just like he disappeared off the face of the earth.

My chest physically hurts every single day. I was so stupid to think I could change him. He made it clear from the beginning that he didn’t want a girlfriend.

How stupid and blind could I be to think he’d want me. I mean no one ever wants me in the end.

I killed myself for a guy who didn’t care.

Day 387

Here I was finally stepping out of the house after a week of trapping myself away. There was a crafting fair in my area, and I really needed to get out and walk and smell the fresh air.

I stopped at a few booths and purchased some things. Trying my hardest not to purchase things that reminded me of Matt.

After the last booth I decided to have a seat at a small table as I watched children play in the street. A smile creeped on my face as I watched them.

So pure and innocent, and life has yet to screw them over. On how I’d pay to go back in time and be a kid again. As I continued to watch them my thoughts were interrupted

“Y/N?” I heard to the left of me

My brows furrowed and I turned my head looking over. My breath hitching in my throat.

“Matt?” I said confused

“How have you been?” He asked smiling at me and taking a seat

“Oh I’ve been good” I said offering him a smile

“That’s great. I haven’t seen you in so long. You look good” he said

“Thank you, i know it’s been a long time” I said laughing a bit

“What are you up to these days?” He asked me

“Uhh you know just working, reading and writing” I said

“Did you ever finish that book you started writing? It was…it was really good” he said

“Oh man I forgot about that book….Im not even sure where it is” I said

“You should look for it, and finish it. I’d love to read it” he said smiling at me

“Maybe one day” I said nodding at him

“How have you been?” I asked him

“Me? Oh I’ve been good just working with my brothers still can you believe we’re at 5 million subscribers” he said smiling

“Congrats you guys deserve it” I said

“Thank you….wow this is just amazing seeing you again” he said looking at me with soft eyes

“Yeah it is” I said swallowing thickly

He went to speak when a girl appeared behind him

“Oh there you are Matt” she said walking over to him

“Oh hi” he said standing up

“Uhh Crystal this is Y/N, and Y/N this is Crystal my girlfriend” he said

“Nice to meet you” I said, shaking her hand. My stomach twisting into knots

“It’s so nice to finally meet you. Matt has told me so much about you. He says he’s learned a lot about life from you” she said

“That’s great to hear” I said glancing over at Matt

“Well um I don’t want to keep you, it was great seeing you” Matt said

“Ditto” I said

With that they gave me one last glance and walked away.

My mind wrapped around the word ‘girlfriend’……I wasn’t even sure how to feel truly.

Day 426

I had driven up to the hilltop I always went to when I needed to think. After splitting with Matt I refused to come up here. The memories paining me too much.

I was ready to start fresh, and let go of the past. I wanted to be released of Matt’s shackles, and I needed to start somewhere. So the hilltop was the first thing that came to mind.

I watched the busy street bustle beneath me as I let my mind race freely. Coming to the realization that love and soulmates were all bullshit.

Lies fed to us through books, music and movies. It’s a nice thought, but in the end it doesn’t really work out.

I couldn't be angry at anyone. I mean this is just the fact of life.

I let a smile creep on my face as I sniffled. Finding peace of mind was something I looked forward to and I had to take it day by day.

I let the wind rustle through my hair as I watched the trees sway and the golden sun kiss my skin. Life was beautiful and I was taking it for granted.

“Y/N” I suddenly heard from behind me

I quickly turned around and met eyes with Matt

“Matthew” I said giving him a weak smile

“Strange finding you here” he said walking over to me

“This is my secret place” I said batting my tears away

“I suppose that’s true” he replied laughing and sitting next to me

“Congrats on uhh the girlfriend” I said looking at the skyline

“Don’t say it unless you mean it” he said bumping his shoulder into mine

“Well then in that case my lips are sealed” I said

He let out a breath of air and looked at the skyline

“So uhh are you okay?” He asked after a moment of silence

“I will be” I said kicking the gravel around

“You know it sucks realizing everything you believe in is false” I said wiping my nose

“What do you mean?” He asked looking over at me

“You know soulmates and love and all that shit, you were right” I said looking over at him

“No” he said shaking his head

“Yes don’t look at me like that” I said rolling my eyes

“It was meant to be with Crystal and I. I mean if I never stopped her to tell her she dropped her bag…we wouldn’t be where we are now. And the whole time I would think you were right” he said

“No you didn’t” I said laughing

“Yes! Yes I did” he said laughing too

“It’s just….its just me you weren’t right about, and I’m sorry I couldn’t be the one for you” he said looking at me as he blinked a few tears away

I looked at him and let a few tears fall. Someone I thought was truly mine…but he was not mine. I was the person who paved the way for him to find who he truly needed in life

“You never wanted to be my boyfriend, but here you are” I said nodding my head

“I know, but it just happened” he said

“I don’t understand…I don’t understand how it just happened” I said shaking my head

“I just woke up one day and I knew….I knew that she was who I could spend the rest of my life with” he replied wiping his eye

“Knew what?” I said as my voice got shaky

“Knew what I was never sure of with you” he said looking at me

Those words pained me….they did, but I couldn’t be mad at him. I can not hate someone who doesn’t want me, it's not their fault.

Day 78

“Matt how do you know believe in love I don’t get it” I said laughing as I played with his hair

“It’s simple, I just don’t. What does it even mean? I say this all the time” he said laughing

“How do you know you’re not in love is the real question” I replied back

“Well how would I know?” He said running his hands up my thigh as he laid on my stomach

“I don’t know…..you just wake up one day and you just know” I replied back

To this he stood quiet, and it made me wonder if he was falling in love with me

Day 426

“Yeah” I said ina whisper

Matt pulled me in for a hug and rubbed my back. A hug I so badly needed and I gripped onto him letting a few more tears slip from my eyes. I thought what we had was real, and it wasn’t. And this would be the last time I would really feel Matt

He pulled away and looked into my eyes smiling at me

“I should go, but I’m really happy to see that you’re doing good” he said standing up and walking away

“Matt” I called out and he turned around

“I really do hope that you’re happy” I said standing up

He looked at me for a few seconds licking his lips and flashing a toothy smile at me. Nodding his head and whispering a thank you.

He turned back around and walked away.

I sat back down on the bench running my hands through my hair as I let the tears fall.

This…this is where I would be leaving any memory and may hope of Matt. He would stay here on this hilltop overlooking LA.

Day 574

Dear Diary,

It’s been 400 days since I parted ways with Matt. It’s been over a year and I can finally say that I am happy and okay. The very last conversation with Matt was hard, but it was needed.

I needed him to let me go, so that I could let him go. He helped me understand it all, and for that I’m thankful. He cleared a path for me that would make it easier for me to go on with life.

Although I spent many nights praying that he and I were meant for each other deep down I’m glad that we weren’t. I’m glad he was in my life when he was because who knows who I would be right now. I’m forever grateful he was put into my life to show me the beauty and the pain of it all.

I still have love for Matt, but in a different way than most would think. He helped me find peace of mind, and although it was painful and agonizing torture I’m glad I went through it.

He showed me that there’s much more in life and even though he was not mine I could push forward with myself. He opened my eyes to a lot of things, and I’m grateful for it. He’s doing well with his girlfriend, and I couldn’t be more happy for him. I sometimes find myself wondering what that would be like if it was him and I, but I try not to think about it.

He’s helped me be a better me. I finished my book finally and had it published. It’s actually doing really well, and even showed his support. Saying even though he doesn’t read he finds himself going back to my pages and re reading them. He really is the best thing that has happened to me.

Even though he didn’t make it to the end of my story I’m still grateful he was a part of the chapters. And I will always be grateful to be a part of his story, watching from the sidelines as one of his cheerleaders.

He deserves it all!

So with that diary I am finally closing this chapter of my life, and beginning a new one. Manifesting the life that I have always wanted for myself and happy where I’m heading.

This is the last page of this diary, and it’s such a bittersweet ending to end this right here and wonder if it’ll continue on a new page in a fresh book…..I guess time will tell, and with that I’m off to new ventures!

Sincerely,

Y/N

I shut my book and closed my pen. Rolling my shoulders as I looked out the cafe window. Smiling at the young children playing in the streets….the beauty of life!

I finished my coffee and threw it in the trash. Stretching and cracking my neck as I gathered my journal and pen. I began to walk away

“Excuse me miss” I heard from behind me

“Uh yes” I said turning around

“You left your bag” he said walking over to me with it

“Oh shoot! My minds all over the place” I said shaking my head and grabbing my bag from him

“Oh man I get that!” He said laughing

“Well thank you….” I said waiting for his name

“Oh Samuel! But I go by Sam” he said sticking his hand out for me to shake

A chill ran up my spine….i've come full circle again

“Well thank you Sam, I’m Y/N” I said shaking his hand

“You’re welcome Y/N” he said smiling at me

“I’ll see you around” I said nodding at him

“Yeah I’ll see you around” he said moving his glasses up with his right hand

My eyes immediately darted to the book in his hand….

The same Stephen King book I picked up when I met Matt.

What a small world….

The End

Alright this one was LONGGGGG, but I loved writing it🥺, and I hope you guys enjoyed it. This will not be a series just a quick little imagine where the ending is up to the reader🤭. I love yall and I hope you enjoyed reading it🥹🖤🖤 Also this is based on 500 Days of Summer because that movie broke meeee😭

-J💅🏽

[hyunnielix]

I was thinkin' about who you are. | bang chan

【☆】 pairing - bang chan x reader

【☆】 genre - angst, mentions of a breakup, fluff, soft!dom bang chan

【☆】 word count - 3.3k (unedited i apologise)

【☆】 warnings - degradation but also praise kink because im weird, oral sex (f receiving), marking, possessive!chan, overstimulation, mention of Felix

The last thing you expected on your doorstep was your ex.

⋆｡°✩ listening - ‘little freak’ by harry styles ⋆｡°✩

The frosting was a perfect shade of baby blue. Smoothing the edges further to create a more minimalistic look. You smiled triumphantly, finally finishing the icing on the cake. Stepping away from the bench, you took a moment to appreciate your own artistry. Although your hands were a mess as well as accidently getting the frosting on your face you considered the cake to be a success.

The sunflower design decorating the front of the dessert made you feel giddy inside. Another one for the instagram page, that was for sure. Reaching for your phone on the counter, you decided to take a couple of photos. Attempting to not coat the device in sugar. 

It almost slipped from your fingers as a loud knock startled you. Your brows furrowed; Felix wasn’t supposed to be here until five. The clock on your phone read otherwise. 

You ran to the sink, washing your hands hurriedly before wiping them off with a cloth. Making your way to the door you hesitated. There was another knock, this time a lot softer.

Your hand came in contact with the handle, pulling it down before swinging it open. The smile previously on your features vanished at the sight in front of you. Swallowing so harshly you were sure everyone in the apartment complex could hear you. 

“Chan?”

A sigh left his lips; awkwardly scratching the back of his neck. He looked as gorgeous as ever, his blonde hair fluffier than usual. Your lips parted as you took in his appearance. Lingering on his dimple as his smile was sheepish, avoiding eye contact. 

“Uhm,” He paused, you could read the panic in his eyes. “I- I didn’t really think this through.” He let out a nervous giggle. You felt your chest clench at the noise, one that used to be so familiar. 

Your gaze found itself glued to the carpet beneath you, kicking your foot against the material as a distraction. “Do you- would you like to come in?”

His stressed expression softened, mouth parting in an ‘o’ shape at your offer. He pursed his lips, thinking it through. You almost regretted asking as the uncomfortable silence made your skin crawl. 

“I don’t want to intrude-,” He began, pursing his lips into a smile. One which broke your heart; he seemed just as nervous as you were. “Chan.”

The corner of your lip downturned as you spoke his name, a longing behind the tone. He exhaled softly, taking in the expression on your face. Your head tilted slightly, eyebrows raised. 

“Alright.”

You stepped to the side, gesturing for him to enter your apartment. Closing the door softly behind. Chan was refamiliarizing himself with the room, his hands comfortably hidden in his sweatpants. 

“No photos?” He asked, sending you a questioning look. You used to have photo frames and polaroid's everywhere. Hating how bland the apartment looked without a splash of your personality. 

You knew subconsciously what he was asking, or yet stating. The photos of us are gone.

“Thought it was time to redecorate.” You couldn’t help the spite that reared it’s ugly head at the choice of your words. You could tell it affected him by the amount of times he blinked, his head dipping forward. You almost wanted to apologize, but bit your tongue. 

You passed by him, heading towards the kitchen once more. He eyed the bottle top seats before you nodded your head, giving him permission to sit down. You returned your focus on the cake. 

He clambered onto the seat, silently admiring the design you’d created. “You’ve really improved.” 

“Would you like some?” You gestured, grabbing a knife from one of the cabinets. You didn’t dare look at him when you asked. 

Your question caught him off guard. His brows furrowed, frowning slightly. “How can you do that?”

You tilted your head, hesitating before slicing into the dessert you’d slaved over in the kitchen for hours. He answered your question before you even asked, “You’re still so nice to me.”

“It’s just cake Chan.” You chuckled awkwardly, trying to dismiss his claim. Placing a perfectly cut triangle piece on a napkin, you pushed it towards him. Trying your best to avoid eye contact. Although by the way your hands were shaking you’re sure he knew. 

He muttered a thank you before continuing, “We both know it’s not just that.” 

“Why are you here?” Your shoulders dropped, hands now outstretched on the bench as you stared him down. “I thought you made it pretty clear that this was over.” You gestured between the both of you, almost sounding hysterical as your patience was wearing thin. 

“I realised it was a mistake.” He exhaled, fiddling with his hands. “That’s why I’m here.”

Your grip on the bench grew stronger, knuckles turning white from frustration. “No, you don’t get to give me that false hope Chan.”

He frowned at the strain in your voice as you spoke. Glancing at the floor once more, you began to shake your head. “I’ve been sleeping in your old shirt because I miss you.” Your voice cracked as you tried to articulate how you felt about his absence. Chan’s brows furrowed, pain in his expression at seeing your hurt. 

You swallowed, gasping slightly. You pressed the back of your wrist to your mouth trying to prevent any strangled sound from escaping. You continued to blink keep the oncoming tears at bay. Which proved to be a lot harder than you thought it would be. 

He stood up from the seat, making his way around the kitchen counter. You stepped back, shaking your head as he approached. His expression full of concern. You held your hands to your chest as some form of protection from the aching you felt. Refusing to lift your head to his level. 

“Hey,” Chan whispered softly. He caught your eyeline as he dipped down, glancing up at you. He raised both of his hands, hesitating at first. He lifted your chin with his pointer fingers, forcing you to hold eye contact as you cried. The wetness streaking down your face continued, unable to prevent the emotions bubbling inside. He softly brushed his thumbs against your cheeks, wiping away the onslaught of tears. The tenderness of the action made you want to cry more. Instead you closed your eyes, focusing on your breathing and his touch. “That’s it angel, just keep breathing; focus on me.”

You nodded at his words of affirmation, slowly regaining a hold on your emotions. Your hands gripped his forearms, brushing your own fingertips against his skin to ground yourself. Reminding yourself that he was physically present. A total contrast to how the last two months had been. You couldn’t help the instinct to nuzzle further into his hand as he cupped your cheek. 

“Y/N, I can’t function without you.” The sincerity in his tone frightened you. Nodding slowly to show him you understood his words. “I can’t focus, you consume me. As much as I didn’t want to admit it pretty girl, I was scared.”

Your heart fluttered at the term of endearment, further calming you down until you were steadily breathing. “I thought you only ever cared about your work Chan.” 

His jaw clenched at your mumbled statement, his hands now falling to yours. He held them so gently. “I didn’t mean to be dismissive, I understand that now. I’m sorry.”

He returned his gaze to yours, squeezing your hands “And I’ll always be sorry. I would do anything for you to not hate me.”

The corner of your lip upturned into a sad smile. “I never hated you Chan.”

“I was worried there for a second.” He quipped, smiling so brightly it made your chest tighten. You couldn’t fight the urge, pressing your forefinger into the dimple below his mouth. He tilted his head at the action, his eyes sparkling with admiration.

You mumbled through the sniffles. “You’re so cute.” His cheeks began to redden from the compliment. You loved it when he got shy. 

“Come ere’.” You obeyed him, almost throwing yourself into his embrace. His arms wound their way around your waist. Burying his nose into the crook of your neck. You hugged him back in earnest. 

He inhaled deeply, before realising something. “Is this not my shirt as well?” His fingers twisted the hem of the grey graphic tee as he pulled back. You pursed your lips, nodding slightly. 

His fingers continued to wander, itching higher underneath the shirt. The pads of his fingertips brushed against your skin, causing your breath to hitch. He seemed entranced. His breathing pattern had changed as he rubbed his hand up and down your torso. Goosebumps began to pepper your skin as your mouth fell open. 

He squeezed your side before leaning forward, whispering softly. “Let me show you how much I love you.” His hot breath on your skin made your eyes flutter shut. “Please.”

A whimper escaped your mouth at the desperation in his tone. Your hand reaching out to grip his bicep, he pressed his forehead to yours. Backing you slowly into the wall. His palm rested on your back, pressing you into him. “That’s my good girl.”

You felt him smile into your shoulder as he intently listened to your body’s reaction. You couldn’t help but arch your back, pressing your chest to his as he continued exploring. “Chan...”

He almost cursed at the breathiness in your tone. Knowing he got you this worked up so easily. 

“I know, I know... I’m going to take my time with you.” He mumbled in between pressing feather light kisses behind your ear. He pressed his hot mouth against your neck. Spending more time lavishing other areas, he grazed his teeth against the skin. “Hmm? want me to mark you up?”

Your whole body almost folded at the possessiveness in his tone, unable to keep your head straight. He pulled back, one of his brows raised, a lazy smirk adorning his features. He admired the glazed look in your eyes, lips parted slightly before you poked your tongue out to wet them. 

You decided to take charge, one of your hands sliding into his hair. You pulled him towards you, pressing your lips onto his hastily. You tilted your head, swiping your tongue over his bottom lip to tease him. A groan escaped his mouth at your boldness. 

He tapped his fingers underneath your thighs. Wrapping your arms around his neck, you hesitantly pulled back. Jumping, he supported your thighs as you hooked them around him. “Were you with anyone? when I was gone?”

He held your back upright as you stared down at him, out of breath. You tilted your head at his question, wondering if you should be honest. He pulled his bottom lip between his teeth. You almost wondered if it was out of nervousness.

You shook your head. “No one can fill me as well as you do.”

He hissed at your statement. Manhandling you into a position where he could slide you onto the kitchen bench. “Chan the cake!”

Stepping in between your thighs, he glanced up at you grinning. "There’s something else I’d much rather eat.”

You pulled his arms towards you, trying to get as physically close as you can. He captured your lips in another heated kiss. Your mouth parted slightly as you let out a gasp, feeling one of his hands underneath your shirt. He traced the material of your bralette. "You always sound so pretty don't you?"

"No more teasingggg." You whined, finding his mouth again. He nipped at your bottom lip, slightly chucking at your impatience. You licked into his mouth, trying to savour the taste of him.

He pulled away first, his hands rubbing up and down your thighs. Admiring the fucked out look on your face, eyes blown wide and lips slightly swollen.

"Shirt." You mumbled. "Take it off."

He obeyed you. Crossing his arms to grip the hem of his black shirt to pull it off, the chain around his neck dangling at the movement.

You gestured with your finger for him to come closer. A little smile adorning your features at the view, "Now take mine off."

He slowly began to shimmy the singlet off, pressing kisses to your neck. "Arms up pretty."

You lifted them as he tugged it off. Your chest heaved, you'd never been this worked up in your life. Feeling like you could spontaneously combust any second now from how he's been treating you.

His hand wrapped around your throat, manhandling you on the bench until you were laying down. Your body so malleable and pliant against his. He squeezed slightly.

"Chan I need you.. please." You begged, almost in tears. You wriggled your body against the table, wanting to feel him. 

He removed his hand from your throat, instead focusing back on your thighs. Allowing his hands to wander underneath the pleated skirt you wore, a short one at that. "Always so needy." He tutted, snapping the elastic band of your underwear against your skin. 

His mouth parted as he bent down, hoisting you closer to the edge of the bench. The wet spot on your underwear almost causing him to salivate. "I haven't even done anything and you're this wet?"

Chan pressed soft butterfly kisses against the inside of your thighs, purposefully ignoring the spot you wanted him most. “Patience.” He reminded you, smirking against your skin. 

He brushed his fingertips against the spot, lifting his gaze to yours. You nodded, glancing down at him as he pushed your skirt up further around your waist. Embarrassment dusted across your cheeks at the humiliation.

He exhaled softly before pressing his mouth against the fabric. Humming against you, a squeak fell from your lips at the familiar sensation of him against you. Mouthing at your cunt, he continued giving you soft kitten licks. Your clit throbbed at the attention he was giving you. Reaching down to slip your fingers into the back of his hair. He groaned at your response. 

Growing impatient himself, he hooked his finger tips underneath the elastic band. You lifted your hips, letting him pull the flimsy material off. “Pretty little cunt all for me.”

You prevented the urge to close your thighs around his head. The rasp in his voice was killing you, especially with the dirty talk. He always knew how to push your buttons. 

He leant forward once more, gently sucking on your clit. One of his hands rubbing your hip as you arched into him. Little whimpers fell from your mouth as he lapped up your arousal. His tongue moved in figure eights, the stimulation causing you to feel dizzy. 

You sighed in pleasure as he changed up the pace, greedily eating you out as if he couldn’t get enough. You bucked your hips and he chuckled against you, pressing his palm against your lower stomach. The pressure causing the pleasure to intensify. He buried himself further into you, focusing now on your entrance as his nosed bumped against your clit. The change in stimulation caused your body to go into shock. 

“Chan.. chan...” You were unable to control your moans, gripping the back of his head as you felt your legs begin to shake. He was relentless, licking up your folds until he sucked on your clit once more. The build up in pressure finally releasing. You gasped as he continued to work you through your orgasm, riding out your high on his tongue. 

Your chest heaved. He pulled away, a string of saliva trailing from your cunt to his mouth. His gaze was lidded, wiping his finger across his bottom lip to clean up the rest. Chan stood up, leaning his body over you. 

His chain hung in front of you, a part of you wanted to tug him forward so you could kiss his perfect lips again. Instead, you gnawed on your lip at the sight of him hovering over you. 

He nuzzled his face into your neck, mumbling. “Gonna stretch you out a little bit, yeah?” The softness in his tone made your heart clench, he was trying to be so careful. 

Chan’s fingers teased your entrance, sliding up and down your slick folds as you wriggled against him. “Too much, it’s too much.”

“You can handle it sweetheart.” He whispered, pressing a kiss behind your ear. He pressed two fingers into you, slowly working you open further. Your arms found their way around his back, pulling him into you. His hot breath fanned across your neck as he continued softly thrusting his fingers into your cunt. The wet squelching sounds causing you to shrink against him. You’d probably leave a mess on the bench at this rate. 

You couldn’t help but clench against the thickness of his fingers. Chan responded by swiping his thumb against your abused clit. Your body was aching against him. Running your fingers up and down his chest, you felt the outlines of his abs. He groaned against you as you lightly dragged your nails down his front. 

A singular tear slid down the side of your face, eyes glassy from the pleasure. He licked his lips, still covered in your arousal. Chan pulled away just enough to watch the change in your expression, grunting. “Look so pretty like this.” 

He leant forward, pressing his swollen lips against yours. His tongue licked into your mouth lazily. You hummed against him, tasting yourself on his lips. These kind of make out sessions were your favourite. 

“Taste good?” You nodded as he found the spot that drove you crazy. You gripped his arms, almost crying as he continued his pace. Curling his fingers at the perfect angle to hit it every time. The overstimulation hurt so good, shivers of pleasure ran down your spine as he continued to mumble sweet nothings. 

You felt yourself gush around his fingers, head lolling back completely drunk on the feeling. He continued to rub your clit softly before you batted his hand away, face tear stained from the pleasure. He chuckled at your state. Chan lifted his fingers to his mouth, sucking on them. “Was that your way of apologising?”

Your question came out a lot breathier than you intended, attempting to prop yourself up on your elbows. You felt ridiculously drowsy. He held out his hand for you to grab, pulling your body upright on the bench. 

“Did it work?” He cheekily asked, smiling softly as his hands rested on your hips. You shrugged, “Depends.” Your hand reached for his jeans, slipping your finger underneath the top of the material. Brushing against the material of his boxers, you tilted your head. He knew what you were asking. 

He shook his head at your pleading puppy dog eyes. “This was about you, not me.”

You tugged him forward, pouting. “Please Channie, wanna make you feel good.”

He couldn’t help but admire how cute you looked begging. A slight frown adorning your features as your wandering hands caused an expletive to fall from his lips. 

He gritted his teeth, “You do make me feel good.” His self-control was being put to the test when it came to you. Removing your hands from his body, he held them in front of you pressing a kiss to them. Your heart fluttered at the sight. 

“Let’s get you cleaned up.”

You mumbled an ‘alright.’ He helped you slide off the bench. Your legs nearly giving out as they came in contact with the floor. You closed your eyes, blushing ridiculously hard. His arm secured you by holding your torso, pushing against you back so you could stand properly. 

“That good huh?” His little quip caused you to send him a deadly side eye. 

“Shut up.” 

He followed you to your room. A knock on the door caused your eyes to widen. “Oh my god, Felix.”

[penny00dreadful]

Somebody To Love - Part 6

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 AO3

Here we have it everyone! I hope you enjoy. This part includes Eddie's addict brain trying to trip him up, so if that might be a trigger for you, keep yourself safe.

Eddie was six months clean by the time Wayne flew back to Indiana. He would have flown back sooner, around the four month mark but temptation had reared its ugly head and Eddie broke the lock on his bathroom door, intentionally trapping himself inside and away when he’d found one stray pill under the rug in his studio space. 

He was alone.

No one was home. 

No one would be home for hours. 

Wayne was halfway across the city, Steve was at his own home, Chrissy was at a modelling gig, the boys were with their families.

It was a terrible, opportunistic coincidence.

The pill was tiny and white, covered in floor dirt and bits of hair, but it would go down easy enough. He’d be able to dry swallow it in less than a second. It was small enough. He could just take it and he’d probably pass for sober by the time they came back.

He had it in his hand. 

No one would know.

No one would ever know.

His hand was completely frozen, almost on another plane of existence. He couldn’t move. A part of him was banging against the cage doors telling him to just take it. He’d taken worse things before, this would be nothing. He was strong enough now to not spiral again. This was just one, not nearly the worst thing he’d ever done.

He’d promised to be good and he had been good. So why couldn’t he have this one thing?

Another part of him was firmly trying to keep the cage locked.

Think of Wayne.

Think of the boys.

Think of Chrissy.

Think of Steve.

Why should they get to judge him for making decisions about his own body, the beast cried out. He was his own person, this was his own life, who the fuck were they to try and make him do these things, take it!

They didn’t make him do anything. He made that decision on his own. They were supporting him through his own decision. Not forcing him to do anything. They were supporting him. He said he’d change. He promised.

Don’t make promises you can’t keep, Eds.

The beast repeated Steve’s words back to him, twisting and poisoning them. Steve didn’t think he could do this anyway so why was he bothering?

No.

No!

No!

Eddie bit his tongue hard enough to draw blood and the pain shocked him into action.

He threw the pill across the room. 

He didn’t know where it landed, he didn’t want to know. 

He’d run up the stairs as fast as he could, putting as much physical distance in between himself and that fucking pill as it was possible to do.

And he’d called Wayne, who’d called Steve.

It was maybe an hour later when the bathroom door was finally broken down and Wayne crawled into the empty tub with him and just held him while he wept quietly into his chest.

Steve appeared in the doorway some time later, letting him know it was gone and that Eddie would be spending a few nights with him and Robin while professionals came in to clear the house top to bottom, just in case.

Because there was a service for that apparently.

This was LA after all. 

Of course there was a service dedicated to quietly, covertly and methodically going through luxury houses to remove every last trace of temptation.

Of course there was.

It was another thing entirely to fully realise just where he’d be staying. 

Staying with Steve wasn’t an issue, they practically lived together whenever they went on tour anyway. They knew all of each other's habits, their quirks, their weird rituals. And he’d been to Steve’s house plenty of times so it wasn’t that either.

It was having to live in the space of one Robin Buckley. 

Steve’s Chrissy. 

He hadn’t met her very often, they just never tended to cross paths but whenever they did, Eddie got the distinct impression that she really, really didn’t like him. 

Though if he was in Robin’s position, watching everything he’d ever put Steve through… He probably wouldn’t like himself much either.

Steve had been running interference on them for two whole days, trying to stop Robin’s glares and snappy comments and trying to stop Eddie from retaliating too dramatically. Because if it’s one thing Eddie was terrible at, one major, major character flaw he had, it was holding his tongue around someone who did not like him.

But Steve had to leave them alone eventually. 

He was half way out the front door, begging the two of them not to murder each other while he was gone.

Robin crossed her arms and shot daggers in Eddie’s direction. “Non prometto niente.”

“Ti imploro.” Steve checked his watch again before raising his eyes back to Robin.

Eddie rolled his eyes. “Now you two are just being rude.”

“Cazzo.” She spat at him.

“Robin!” Steve rubbed at his temples before pointing at her. “Play. Nice.” Without another word he slammed the door behind him, the sound echoing around them as they stood on opposite sides of the open plan house, like it was high noon in one of Wayne’s old westerns.

“Okay. Let's get it all out, Buckley now that the parent is gone." Eddie spread his arms out in front of him. "What precisely is your fucking issue with me?”

“My fucking issue is that I don’t like you,” Robin snapped, “that’s my fucking issue.”

"I'm gonna need you to be more specific than that,” Eddie snapped right back, “plenty of people don't like me."

"Shocking." She widened her eyes in mock surprise.

He gave her the middle finger. "Is it just the Steve thing or are there other reasons?"

She scoffed. "There's no 'just' with what you did to him."

"You can't be stupid enough to think that I meant it like that."

"Jesus you're a real charmer aren't you?"

“I get it, I was a shitty person, to Steve especially, but-”

“No!” She shouted, cutting her hand through the air. “You don’t fucking get it. You really don’t fucking get it, Munson, because you weren’t there. You have no idea what all kinds of hell you put that man through for years, but I do. I was there for it all.”

“Of course I have no idea!” He threw his hands up. “How could I possibly have known?!”

“How could you possibly not have known?! Everyone knew how he felt and all you ever did was rub it in his face-”

“I didn’t rub anything! I wouldn’t have if I’d known but I didn’t! How the hell was I supposed to know?!”

“Are you blind?!” They had taken a few steps closer but the couch was still between them. Eddie guessed it was the only thing stopping her from tearing into him with her teeth. “You need something like that spelled out to you?!”

“Oh, I’m sorry, is that not a reasonable request? To be told what someone’s feeling with grown-up words and not have to navigate a minefield of guessing what’s going on in their head?” His legs bumping against the couch was the only indicator to him that he’d moved closer. “How was I supposed to know I needed to look deeper? Am I supposed to go around examining everyone’s motivations for a deeper meaning now? Try to see into their heads rather than trust the things they tell me? That makes no sense! I’m not fucking psychic, why am I expected to be? You know as well as I do that he hid this from me. He never told me!”

“Don’t you put this on him. Don’t you dare-!” She was leaning over the back of the couch now to jab him in the chest.

“I’m not!” He had his hands gripping in his hair by the scalp and he could feel the lump in his throat but he refused to cry in front of her. “But tell me I’m wrong, Buckley. Go on! Tell me I’m not making sense right now!”

Robin huffed. “You’re wrong and you’re not making sense right now.” There wasn’t much conviction behind it. She pulled her finger back from his chest and crossed her arms with a scowl. “Maybe if you weren’t so fucked up on everything all the time-”

“Oh, spare me. Don’t start on the puritan talk just because you know I’m right-”

“I am not-!”

“Okay, fine!” 

He ripped his hands out of his hair and felt like everything inside him was crumbling before he could stop it. He’d done everything he could, he’d kicked the drugs, he kicked the drink, he hadn’t had any sex since the ‘Sucker’ video, he was letting Steve decide how fast they moved, even when they moved and where to… what else was he supposed to do? He was at the end of his fucking rope. 

“Let’s examine that then, shall we? Do you think that if I knew that I had someone in my corner in that way, that I had someone I could come home to or- or be there with me in my lowest moments, that could help take the pressure off, that I felt safe with… do you think I wouldn’t have delighted in having a steady fucking thing for the hardest years of my life? People don’t do the amount of shit that I’ve done because they’re fucking happy, Robin!”

He turned his back on her to collapse down on the couch with his head in his hands, trying to force his tears to retreat. His whole body felt weak, like he’d been wrung out and he really hoped she didn’t take the opportunity to crack him over the back of the head with something.

The only thing that could be heard in the ringing silence of the house was his own heavy breathing as he tried to keep his emotions under control.

A weight settled down next to him and he thanked his lucky stars he was able to stop from flinching. He didn’t want to look up, the tears clinging to his waterline that he hadn’t managed to fight back would be undeniable, but as the quiet continued to extend around them he couldn’t ignore it.

Robin wasn’t looking at him, thank god. She was curled up as far away from him as she could get with her back to the couch arm, her knees pulled up against her and she was scowling in the direction of the tv.

It must have been nearly a full minute later when she spoke. In that time Eddie had to pull the bottom of his t-shirt up to wipe at his eyes and sniffle everything back and he was fully prepared to execute a frosty retreat to the guest room he’d been using.

“Fine.” Robin bit out. When Eddie looked over, she cut her eyes in his direction but quickly averted them again.

“Fine, what?” He cringed at the thickness in his own voice. He didn’t even have the energy to bite back, he just sounded petulant.

“Fine, you’re a miserable fuck.”

He scoffed. “Great. Thanks for your input.”

“You didn’t let me finish.”

“You didn’t want to finish, you left a dramatic pause in there on purpose.”

Her frown only got deeper. “Fine, you’re a miserable fuck but you’re not wrong.” She raised her hand to her mouth and started to pick at some dry skin on her lip. “It’s not on you to read minds.”

Eddie nodded. 

The tv wasn’t even on but she was still staring at it like it was. After another few moments of silence he turned, mirroring her position. “I am trying, Robin. Ever since it properly hit me I’ve been trying.”

“I know.” She sighed heavily, exasperated and slumped lower into the couch. “So he’s been telling me. And to be honest, I can see it.” She glanced back at him again. “Last time I saw you before this you looked like some strung out, coked up skeleton. Now you look,” she waved her hand around in his direction, “like you’ve got actual blood in your veins and not just Xanax and vodka. I just wish Steve didn’t need to get stepped on for you to get there.”

“I wasn’t stepping on him on purpose. If I’d have known… all of this would have happened a lot sooner.”

“Yeah.” She heaved herself up from the couch and grabbed the remote. “Put on a movie. I’d like to keep this little stalemate of ours going at least until Steve gets back. Might help him relax a little bit. Maybe not get a coronary. But pick well,” she threw herself back down and stared him dead in the eye, “don’t make me hate you again.”

Eddie didn’t end up picking a movie, he ended up picking a tv show but either way it ended up being a winner because Sense8 was always a winner. At least that was until it actually started because…

“This show is so fucking horny, man.”

Eddie just shrugged. “It’s a good show.”

“And what are you gonna do if Steve walks in while you’re watching two men fucking on tv?”

Eddie's heart stopped and his face flooded. It wasn’t that he thought Steve would judge him or it would set their progress back or whatever. It was that Steve would be standing there while very, very, super-duper, gay, gay, gay shit was happening in front of his eyes.

Robin snickered next to him just as the key sounded in the lock and a shout of “No one better be dead!” preceded Steve’s entrance.

The phone nearly flew out of Eddie’s hand as he made a frantic scramble to skipskipskip.

Steve stopped dead at the sight of the two of them sitting on the couch, not touching but also not hissing at each other like feral cats. Eddie with what was probably a red face and his phone clutched tight in his hand while Robin tried her best to hide her smile.

“What’s going on here?” Steve asked, wary eyes bouncing between them.

“Nothing!” They both answered at the same time with vastly different inflections. Robin sounded light and jovial while Eddie squeaked, trying to conceal his panic.

“Right…” Steve gave them both a final look before he turned towards the kitchen. “Whatever happened here, I don’t want to know. I’m just glad the two of you haven’t ripped each other's hair out.”

Once he had completely disappeared around the corner Eddie turned his glaring eyes to Robin who had the biggest shit-eating grin on her face.

“You were no help.”

“Yeah? Get used to it.”

That fucking song wouldn’t leave his head and he didn’t know why.

Well that was a fucking lie.

Eddie knew exactly why this fucking song wouldn’t leave him alone. 

Freddie fucking Mercury was haunting him from beyond the grave. 

He could almost hear him, see him out of the corner of his eye. Sitting cross legged, an arm across the back of the couch as Eddie strummed on his guitar. That grin on his face. Drawling out “You’ll get it soon, darling.” 

It wasn’t even like it was a hard song to cover. 

On guitar anyway. 

Vocally was a whole different story. If anyone even thought of singing Freddie Mercury's pieces, figures would materialise out of the woodwork advising it was a bad idea. People just didn’t cover Queen. It was too difficult to do.

Freddie had a vocal range almost unmatched. He could switch keys effortlessly and often. He was iconic. Still is iconic. And almost everyone who had tried wasn't able to match up to the legend.

God, why was he doing this to himself?

A weight dipped the couch cushion next to him and Eddie nearly jumped out of his skin, almost firing his guitar across the room, convinced for half a second that Freddie Fucking Mercury had actually manifested next to him.

But the arm that was now across the back of the couch wasn't Freddie's.

"Jesus, Steve." Eddie clutched at his chest. "Warn a guy."

"You seemed very far away." Steve leaned his head against his hand with a small smile on his face. He was so pretty.

"Not that far.” Eddie shrugged. “Just a dimension or two."

“Seems pretty far.”

“Freddie’s just haunting me is all.” He said as he got up to place his guitar back in her stand along the wall with her sisters, throwing himself back down on the couch with an oof.

“Oh, tell him hi from me then.” Steve reached down, grasping Eddie under the knees and pulling his legs into his lap, causing Eddie to slip down the arm of the couch as his body was pulled forward, leaving only his head propped up at what must have been an incredibly unflattering angle.

“You could’ve just asked.” Eddie wrenched himself up to a sitting position, planting his arms behind him and refusing to think about the fact that if he wiggled his way forward just a little more he’d be pressed right up against Steve, fully in his lap. 

As it was, the backs of Eddie’s thighs were pressed against Steve’s and that was enough to kick his heart up a few notches.

Steve looked down at his legs, plucking at an old cigarette burn in the knee of Eddie’s sweatpants. They were good pants despite the hole. Soft and comfy and he did really mean to stitch it up but he kept getting distracted and then suddenly it was five years later and that same burn kept looking at him.

“You’re doing really well, you know.” Steve said in a quiet voice, staring at Eddie’s knees like they contained the answers to the universe.

Eddie tipped his head back until it hung between his shoulders and he groaned at the ceiling. “The guitar part is easy. It’s the vocals that are-”

“No,” Steve squeezed his knee, “no I don’t mean that, I mean your… your self improvement. Your getting healthy. Your-”

“Oh my god.” Eddie snapped his head back up, staring at Steve with wide hopeful eyes while his breathing got shallower. Steve had a light blush across his cheeks and was continuing to keep eye contact with the knees in front of him. “Is it happening, like is it really happening? Are you giving me a chance, are you-”

“Eddie.” Steve admonished, trying to pull his mouth into a scowl but his face was getting redder and the corner of his lips were lifting up of their own volition. “How are you such a pain in the ass? I had a whole speech planned about all the hard work you’ve put in and how dedicated you’ve been and how rough it’s all been for you but you’ve still persevered-”

“Right, sorry!” Eddie wanted to wave his hands in front of him but they were the only thing keeping him upright so he just nodded like a lunatic. “Sorry! Go ahead.”

Steve rolled his eyes and scoffed but was smiling now. “I can’t just go ahead. Especially now. I was gonna come down here and act all calm and cool and suave and deliver this great speech about how much it’s meant that you did all of this for me. For me?” Steve huffed and pinched his nose, his voice coming out a little shakier than before. “People don’t do things like this for me. And you stuck it out. You’ve kept going even during the hard days and there’ve been some really hard days. I know. I’ve seen them but you kept going and I’m so proud of you. Eddie, I’m so fucking proud. So yeah. I had a whole plan.”

Steve finally looked at him, his eyes were shining and his cheeks were still red but he was managing to pull himself back into his vaguely bitchy and disapproving façade that they both knew was fake but if Steve needed it to give him some strength Eddie would give it to him. 

Eddie would give him everything.

“I had to call Robin twice to hype me up and it still took me a half an hour to get down the stairs. Then I do come down the stairs and you’re sitting there, looking like that." Eddie glanced down at himself. 

Like what? He was in ratty tatty sweatpants and an old dark henley that might have originally belonged to Steve but he honestly couldn’t remember. He was in fuzzy socks and his hair looked like a bird's nest because he just wanted it washed and couldn’t be bothered to go though the whole curly girl thing Chrissy and Robin were trying to push him into. 

He just looked like Eddie.

“And you’re playing that song, trying to sing that song, my song and I couldn’t-” Steve clenched his eyes closed again, reaching his hand out blindly and Eddie shot forward, snatching Steve’s hand up in his own, leaning towards Steve so his centre of gravity was no longer behind him and holding Steve’s hand tight to his chest.

Steve would be able to feel Eddie’s runaway heart under his ribs but he didn’t care. In fact he hoped he could. He hoped it would let Steve know he wasn’t the only one who was scared out of his mind right now.

“Do you-” Steve gulped, opening his eyes again. “Do you still-”

“Yes, I still. I very still.” Eddie squeezed his hand tighter, pulled it harder into his chest, like he wanted Steve to touch his raw and bloody heart with his bare hands.

“Really? Even now? Even though… even after…?”

“Stevie.” Eddie whispered, heart breaking. “Do you think now that I’m sober I wouldn’t want you anymore?”

When Steve just shrugged Eddie couldn’t help himself. He reached a hand out, brushing his knuckles against Steve’s cheek before thumbing a tear away.

“All of this. Everything has been for you.” Eddie kept his voice low, trying to inject as much love as he could into the tone of his voice while he kept stroking Steve’s cheek. “It’ll continue to be for you as long as I live. Now that I know what I know, I don’t think there’s any going back for me. There hasn’t been for a while. I’ve been miserable for so long, hiding underneath substances and sex and denial that I forgot what it was like to even feel… neutral. I didn't know my own heart and you… you allowed me to be able to feel it again."

“Eddie… d’you- can I- can-”

“Do you want to kiss me?”

“Yes.” Steve almost sighed, relaxing like the weight of the world had just been gently lifted from his shoulders. 

“C’mere.” 

Eddie moved his hand from Steve’s cheek, curling his fingers around the back of his neck.

He pulled Steve forward and despite the thundering of his heart in his chest he had only intended it to be a short press of lips, an assurance, a comfort.

As soon as he kissed Steve, Eddie knew for certain that this was it for him. He was done for. He never wanted to kiss anyone else as long as he lived.

He’d never been kissed with so much emotion, with so much feeling. It enveloped his entire body. Any emotions that had previously been attached to kissing, he realised with sudden clarity, were just a general feeling of wild hornyness, crushing on someone, liking someone, being attracted to someone. 

All those were there when kissing Steve but there was so much more.

There was so much love and compassion and it was just so easy. They could have been doing this for years and Eddie found himself already mourning all the time that had previously been lost. He mourned who he used to be, the previous Eddie who had just been kissed out of existence despite his slow death over the last few months. The previous Eddie who’d thought that that life was the best it could ever get.

The poor bastard.

The kiss was wet and not exactly in a sexy way, Steve’s tears mingling between their mouths. Despite how it started, chaste and innocent and assuring, it didn’t stay that way even though Eddie had the best of intentions. 

Steve’s hand was at the back of his head, holding him close, trapping him in the best way as he leaned over him. Eddie felt his knee get batted out of the way and his legs pushed open as Steve settled between them, laying Eddie back on the couch and pressing him down as his tongue bullied its way into his mouth. Steve was well and truly steering this ship and Eddie was just happy to be along for the ride.

If Eddie’s eyes had been open they’d have rolled back in his head.

“Stevie,” Eddie croaked as his neck was being attacked by little nips and sucks that were making it very hard to think, “are you in the right headspace for this?”

Steve paused for a moment before pulling back to shoot him an incredulous look, hovering over him on those strong arms. “You’re asking me if I’m in the right headspace for something maybe sexual? How often have you been in the right headspace when you’ve done sexual things in the past?”

Eddie frowned. “Not very often, which is why I’m asking now.”

The line over Steve’s brow softened and he leaned down to place a kiss against Eddie’s forehead and damn there were those butterflies again.

“Do you want me to stop?”

Eddie shook his head, a little more emphatically than he needed to. “No.”

“Do you want me?”

“I- yes. God, baby, I don’t want anyone else ever again.”

“Okay, good.” Steve leaned down again until he was a breadth away. "Can I continue then?"

So, like…

Eddie hadn't done anything in the last six months besides use his own hand. 

And maybe some toys. 

But he hadn't had a good fuck, hadn't had a good suck in six months after having multiple of each every week for years. In hindsight it had all been frighteningly close to some kind of sex addiction.

But still, six months.

That was to say when Eddie nodded and Steve leaned back down with that smirk of his, it was like he knew. 

Knew that when he rolled his hips down like that Eddie was at risk of blowing his load in less than ten seconds.

“Don’t care,” Steve moaned into his mouth, “don’t care if it’s quick. Don’t care. I wanna see.”

And as embarrassing as it was, that’s what did it. 

Steve telling him he wanted to see him. 

Eddie came with a cry, only barely able to coherently get half the man’s name out of his mouth. It took him longer than usual to float back into his body and even then he was still a little fucked out. Six months. He scrambled to stick his hand down Steve’s pants. This he knew. This he could practically do with his eyes closed. It only took a few minutes for Steve to follow with his mouth hanging open and a beautiful little scrunch in his brow.

“Oh shit.” Eddie sunk back into the cushions. “Don’t think I’ve come in my pants since I was sixteen.”

“I’m flattered.” Steve smiled, peppering kiss over his cheeks, his nose, his forehead.

“You should be.” Eddie smiled back, leaning into the easy affection he was being showered with with so much joy.

“Um,” Steve hesitated, still pressing Eddie into the couch with his body weight but up on his elbows, fiddling nervously with his hair, “just so we’re clear on-”

“I’m with you. If you want.” He slung his arms around Steve’s neck. “We can be a thing. In a relationship. Boyfriends. Partners. All of the above. I’m yours for as long as you want me.”

“Hmm.” Steve tried to give a nonchalant shrug. “That could be a very long time.”

“I’m okay with that.” Eddie leaned up, making sure to seal it with a kiss.

Six Months Later

“So… here’s the thing.” Steve wedged himself in behind Eddie, legs on either side and pulling him back against his chest while Eddie tapped away on his game controller, swinging from building to building.

Eddie settled back, allowing his body to relax but keeping his eyes on the screen. “Mhm?”

“You remember the Sucker music video?” Steve nuzzled his nose into Eddie’s hair.

“Ugh.” Eddie couldn’t watch it. It had come out while Steve was on vacation the first time and Eddie hadn’t wanted to look at the guy who’d potentially destroyed one of the most important relationships in his life. 

Nowadays he was almost tempted to send the bitch a fruit basket. Sex with you helped me find love with someone else. Something like that.

“Right, well you know how there wasn’t enough footage for that gory online exclusive cut?”

“A tragedy, really.”

“Yeah. But the label is looking to release something small before you all start writing again, keep interest up and I was talking to the boys-”

“You were plotting with the boys.”

Steve nodded, tightening his arms for just a moment. “I was plotting with the boys and we were thinking why don’t we do some reshoots to get enough footage together and release it?”

Eddie had to pause the game and twist around. “Sweetheart, tell me you are not suggesting we contact whatever the fuck his name was and I go film with him again?”

Steve looked scandalised. “No! Jesus, no. That’s not what I’m suggesting. I’m… well we were thinking that maybe you could film it with… me.”

Eddie turned completely, planting himself over Steve’s lap and grinning down at him. “Oh yeah?” He leaned in, ghosting his lips over Steve’s cheek, coming to a stop right by his ear. “You wanna be my victim, baby?”

“I get bitten by you enough, I might as well-” Steve gasped as Eddie sunk his teeth into his neck, sucking at the skin. “-might as well get paid for it.” He rolled his hips up and any logistical talk of the video shoot completely flew out the window.

Three weeks later and the video had been released. It was filthy, it was disgusting, it was downright sexy even if that fake blood still tasted like shit. 

Though Steve didn’t really have a problem with his face being in the video, he was mostly kept anonymous. 

Quick close up flashes of his open panting mouth before a hand was clapped over it then his neck gushing blood while Eddie practically bathed in the spray. A shot of Steve’s chest as the clothes were ripped from him, a hand tugging harshly at the hair. Then red dripping handprints over his stomach and black tipped fingers pushing his knees apart and Eddie’s hand running through his hair, leaving blood streaked in its wake, were all that was seen of him.

People went fucking wild for it. It broke through to mainstream news, which Corroded Coffin hadn’t managed to do for a while. 

Christian moms were scandalised. 

Conservative men were outraged. 

Social media was thirsty.

And Steve was starting to get offers. 

Even though he wasn’t really identifiable, people in the industry who’s job it was to know these things started sending him offers for modelling jobs or acting jobs. Though Steve had originally not given them a second look, now he was starting to look.

They’d both agreed that ethically Steve couldn’t really continue on as his P.A. anymore. The thought had once scared the everloving shit out of Eddie but now… now it was okay, because Steve was Eddie’s and Eddie was Steve’s.

Two Years Later

God, he loved being on stage. It was such a rush. How had he been doing it in an altered state for so long? 

It was their first tour since all of everything with Steve had happened. 

Nearly a year and a half since he’d had to get a new personal assistant.

Nancy was like some weird mix in between Steve and the other two, Dustin and Max.  Like Steve, she knew how to handle executives and businessmen like she was speaking a second language. She was loyal to a fault. She was small and sweet looking. People didn’t keep their guard up around her. That would be their first mistake. 

There was one very memorable instance where an overly eager and quite frankly stupid paparazzo had managed to sneak onto Eddie’s property. 

It was rumoured that the new up and coming heartthrob of indie rom-coms was allegedly the live-in boyfriend of a controversial metal singer and this idiot was sure he could get the scoop.

What he hadn’t been expecting was Nancy Wheeler in her white frilly blouse and baby blue dress pants popping him on the nose and swinging her sensible heeled foot in between his legs.

It had all been caught on security footage. 

Eddie had the screenshots framed and Nancy now had them hung behind her desk in the office she had in his house. 

Like Dustin and Max, she’d worked with Steve in the past. She was an absolute wizard when it came to organisation, she didn’t treat him like a mythical entity and she could see past the big bad image to the soft squishy human underneath.

She had a bit more trouble articulating things when it came to emotion but her intentions were never bad. 

Though Eddie and Steve didn’t have an employer/employee relationship anymore, the relationship they did have had only blossomed.

Apparently they were sickening to be around, but Eddie couldn’t really find it within himself to care. He loved his boy so why would he hide it when they were amongst friends?

Robin was forced to eat her words soon enough, which Eddie found great satisfaction in, and reminded her of it often, when he’d introduced her to Chrissy.

Those two were just as bad as he and Steve.

Eddie gave his thanks to the crowd and jogged off to the wings where Steve was waiting with a bottle of water that he nearly drowned himself with, trying to swallow it all down in one go.

Steve just rolled his eyes, making sure to stay out of sight of the crowd as he did it. Neither of them really cared if they got caught red handed with each other but if they could avoid the media circus, they would.

Steve wanted to make a name for himself on his own.

“You don’t have to do this, Eds.”

Eddie nodded. “I know.”

“It’s a big risk.” Steve continued with his hands on his hips.

“I know.” He handed the bottle back to Steve. “But I said I'd do it, didn't I?”

“You did, but you can always pull out.”

“Baby, I never pull out.”

“That's a fucking lie.”

It was Eddie’s turn to roll his eyes now. “Just sit back and enjoy the show, sweetheart.”

Steve gave his ass a squeeze. “Always do.”

Eddie pinched his cheek before turning and jogging back out to centre stage amongst the cries of encore from the crowd.

“Alright, alright.” He spoke into the mic. “One more song for you all. Um,” the nerves were coming in hard and fast now as he glanced behind him towards the other members who gave him encouraging nods. 

Well of course they didn’t need to be nervous. 

They weren’t singing the damn thing. 

Eddie turned back to the crowd as a stage hand came out and handed him his guitar. “I gotta be honest with you all, I’m scared shitless of performing this song. You might be wondering what that’s been doing here all this time.”

He pointed over at the piano that had been sitting quietly in a corner, unused for the whole show.

The audience ooohed and cheered.

“Unfortunately I can’t play, but Jeff here is multi-talented.” Jeff handed his guitar off and took his seat at the piano, tapping on a few keys before giving Eddie the thumbs up.

“People get crucified for covering this band. It’s just not done.” There was chattering starting up in the crowd as they started to speculate. “No one can get close to what this man had, but god damn it, there’s someone special out there who I want to do this for. They’re his favourite band and this is his favourite song and based on your reaction I think some of you already know what I’m about to fucking do. Shit.” He sighed into the mic. “This is Her Majesty. Queen.”

Eddie had no hope of being able to improvise or vamp like Freddie once had and he would never even attempt to try. So as the first piano notes played out over the speakers he opened his mouth and started to sing.

They'd practised this song to death. The whole band was adamant that if they were going to do this they were going to do it right. They guys had practised their high backing vocals for weeks. Eddie had rehearsed the song for months.

There was no way he was going to do Freddie dirty.

By the time he’d gotten to Brian May’s guitar solo he was able to move around a little and get a good look at the crowd.

His eyes landed on a mess of long dirty blond hair and he felt his mouth drop open. 

“Holy shit.” He muttered to himself.

Julian beamed up at him, his arms wrapped around a little twink of a man with a shock of black hair wearing a battle vest that if memory served, had definitely belonged to Julian last they’d met.

“Danny?” Eddie mouthed at him.

Julian’s responding nod was elated as he squeezed Danny against him tighter. Danny himself looked completely shell shocked while something was whisper-shouted into his ear over the music.

Eddie wanted to fucking jump for joy.

With a glance back into the wings, he saw Steve muttering to Nancy, gesturing out towards them. When he looked up and caught Eddie’s eye he tilted his head in question.

You wanna bring them back?

Eddie nodded, just barely catching sight of Nancy disappearing off somewhere before he turned back to finish out the song with a bang, sending one last wink Julian’s way before the lights went down.

When he opened the door to his green room, it was to the sight of Robin trying to adjust her top and Chrissy pulling her skirt back down, both red faced and breathing heavily.

“Can’t you two go find a bathroom or a maintenance closet or something? This is my room! I’m supposed to be the one doing sexy things back here.”

“We lost track of time!” Robin said with crossed arms.

Eddie stuck his hands on his hips. “Surely the sudden lack of loud music should have tipped you off that the concert was over?”

“We were distracted.” Chrissy shrugged, looking completely unapologetic.

“Well go be distracted somewhere else, I’ve got guests coming back.”

“Who?” They asked at the same time.

“An old friend.”

Just then the door behind him was opened. 

Nancy gestured Julian through, who had a huge smile on his face, pulling Danny along by the hand who looked like he was about to faint.

Eddie surged forward, catching Julian up in a crushing hug while he laughed.

“You got your man!” He cried, practically bouncing the two of them.

“I got my man!” Julian squeezed back before extricating himself from Eddie’s arms, pulling Danny forward and tucking him in under his arm. “Eddie, this is Danny Aguilar. Danny this-”

“Hi! I- uh… yeah, I um. I know you. I mean I don’t know you. I mean I know who you are…” Danny stuttered out and before Eddie could even say anything, Nancy was at his side with a small smile and a bottle of water that he took with shaking hands.

“It’s really cool to meet you, man. I’ve heard great things.” Eddie smiled at him but that only seemed to freak him out more so he decided to give the guy a break, turning his attention back to Julian who was rubbing small circles on Danny’s back.

“So tell me, how did this happen?” Eddie asked, pointing between the two of them.

“Well,” Julian gave Danny a squeeze while he took a large drink. “It was the rumours about you actually.”

Eddie snorted. “Which ones?”

“The ones about you shacking up with some guy named Steve who may or may not be the same Steve who’s been making a name for himself.” Julian raised a brow at him. “I figured that even if they weren’t true, I’d seen you get your shit together, get sober, get healthy and it made me think I could do that too. Only one life to live, you know?”

“That’s amazing.” Eddie smiled. “I’m so happy for you, man.”

Julian blushed. “Thanks. What about you?” He asked. “If you tell me that it didn’t work out after I said all of that I’m gonna feel like a giant asshole.”

“No, I-” He felt an arm slide over his shoulders.

“I think it worked out okay.” Steve grinned at him and Eddie felt like he was falling in love all over again. “I hear you were the only one to actually say it out loud to him, so I guess I have you to thank for this.” Steve tugged on one of his curls and Eddie batted his hand away, only to grab it again and hold on tight.

“Oh shit. Really?” Julian looked between them with wide eyes. 

Danny was looking at him like he’d hung the moon.

“Yeah, really. Listen, I was thinking. We have a private space booked at a restaurant for the band and the crew and the lesbians,” Steve waved his hand in Robin and Chrissy’s direction who’d fallen into quiet conversation but now just shot him matching middle fingers, “we’d love it if you wanted to come along. Let us treat you two? As a proper thank you for helping this idiot get his shit together.”

Steve pulled him in tight and Eddie just melted.

Julian was nodding enthusiastically.

And poor Danny.

Poor Danny could only squeak in agreement.

Thank you for coming with me on this journey and I hope you've loved it as much as I have. 🖤

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 AO3

@lifeisnotsobadonceyoustopcaring, @child-of-cthulhu, @sweetwaterangel, @anaibis, @katytheinspiredworkaholic, @littlewildflowerkitten, @hallucinatedjosten, @estrellami-1, @gregre369, @stxrcrossed186, @novelnovella, @imhereforthelolzdontyellatme, @hellowhatthehellisgoingonhere, @thesuninyaface, @messrs-weasley

[atsadi-shenanigans]

Feeding Alligators 63 - I'll Cry if I Want To

You get drunk. Guess who comes lurking?

On AO3.

Getting shit-faced. That is what wine’s good for.

The night’s real pretty. Y’all are inside the grove, all the goblins’re fucking dead, and the druids ain’t gonna let…let fucking wargs or mean bears in here. So it’s safe. There’s a rock digging into your left ass cheek, and you cannot be fucked to do nothing about it. But you’re safe! So it’s fine.

You take another gulp. People say when you got enough alcohol, you don’t notice then taste no more, but those fuckers’re lying liars who fucking lie, and it still tastes like bitter…bitter piss.

Bitch burns, too.

“Shit is gross,” you say to nobody. “The fuck do people drink this?”

Probably cause it makes you warm. And vaguely floating. Your muscles seem to burn a lot more, but you’re still kinda happy. Not like, sing and flail around the living room happy, but happy enough the last…week? Ish? Whatever. The night is pretty. An owl hoots and squirrels run along branches. Bugs creak and hum and a crow in the trees above lets out a sleepy “crk.”

“Sorry!” you say. Realize you’re shouting. Whisper, “Sorry.”

Crows keep grudges, huh? You heard about that. Should let the little dude to back to sleep.

Probably shouldn’t be out in the woods by yourself?

Whatever.

Another gulp. Your whole face wrinkles.

“I thought you didn’t drink?” says a fucking rat man.

You turn. The woods spin a little, and you gotta blink before the two, pale silhouettes become one bastard man.

“’Sa party,” you say. “Errbody’s drinking.”

Why’s he here? You ain’t been gone long. Right? You’re pretty sure.

“How’s Lae’zel?” you say.

He winces. You’re shouting again.

You pitch your voice back down. “How’s Lae’zel?”

He gives you a look. It slides right on past you. “Jealous, dear?”

Your chest hurts again. Still for no fucking reason. “Pff. No. Just surprised how quick it was.”

For some reason, he pulls back in outrage (yeah! you recognize that one!). “Excuse me?”

“It ain’t nothing bad!” You only flail a little. Almost throw the wine bottle and then have to clutch it to your chest. Next to your soul flask. They clink through your shirt. “Just…y’know. ‘Fficient. You’re very efficient.”

He stands there like he’s trying to parse out what you’re saying. Did the potion wear off again? You gotta study more.

And who the fuck cares. You ain’t out here for him. You ain’t out here for nobody except to get shit-faced.

“Why are you out here alone?” rat bastard man says.

It probably ain’t supposed to be funny. Or maybe it just ain’t funny to him. Or anyone but you. But for you? You don’t drink, you don’t hookup, but you do plonk your ass down and get sloshed off a bottle and a half of wine all by your lonesome.

You want ice cream. You would literally kill a man for ice cream.

“If I didn’t know any better,” the bastard fuck boy says, “I’d say you look like you were trying to drink away your feelings.”

You squint up at him. White hair a silvery halo around his head in the moonlight. Eyes shining like new pennies in the low light. Fucker asks your opinion on who he ought to bang, and then finds you afterwards to…to fucking needle you?

You ain’t never been drunk like this. You flirted with getting mildly buzzed. Got borderline tipsy that once when Ryan fucking Meadows ghosted you and you ugly cried onto Sasha’s only clean work shirt.

None of that really processes, though. You ain’t really up to the whole “processing” thing right now; that barn door is long open and them hogs already sprinted for the hills.

“You’re such a dick,” you say, clicking the “k” at the end extra hard. “Pompous goddamn mess of a…of a man dick.”

He blinks like you just sprouted a beak and began reciting the entire works of Shakespeare in chicken.

And you ain’t done. “I got all the fucking reason to be off my damn ass out here, you shit. I lost my whole fucking family. Again. My whole fucking world. Fucking demons and brainworms and your ass. Maybe I just wanted to get drunk all by myself.”

You feel how dry your mouth is, and chug a few more swallows.

“Tastes like shit,” you say and try to scrape your tongue on your teeth. “Don’t know why anybody drinks it.”

Astarion still stands there. Fucking creepo. He’ll get all huffy and leave; toss you some snide bullshit before he goes. Jackass.

Only he don’t. He…lowers himself down. Not right next to you, but within kicking distance.

You think about doing just that.

“What even is that swill?” he says.

You look at the label. At the swirly-spiky letters all swooping together. Turn to him, with the most deadpan expression you can muster, and say, “What’s up, I’m Jared, I’m nineteen, and I never fucking learned how to read.”

It is, hands down, the best joke you ever made in your whole life. You bend over laughing. You cry, laughing. Your bladder twinges and you keep laughing.

But then something happens. And you’re still laughing, and your eyes is watering, but now it hurts. Now you can’t breathe and nobody else is laughing with you cause they don’t get the joke and never will because your world is dead. Not like, actually. But they might as well be.

And like hell you want Astarion to fucking see that. So you shove the bottle at him and turn away like it’s just the giggles. Ain’t nothing to see here. Just a giggly drunk.

No one is ever gonna get your jokes. Ain’t nobody gonna know what “Wednesday my dudes” is. Or the helium balloons. Or the yoga grinch.

Oh fuck. Oh fuck oh fuck.

Wine sloshes in the bottle. Astarion somehow gives an audible grimace.

“I think you grabbed the worst of them, darling. This is pure vinegar.”

You don’t turn around. You try to shove the goddamn sniffles back in your face. You don’t cry in front of other people. That shit ain’t safe. It’s how everybody knows how weak and stupid you are, and you are not gonna give this jackass that ammunition.

But it keeps coming. The smell of the red dirt after a hard rain. Homemade pecan custard pie. Uncle Randy was gonna take you to the Cherokee Days this fall. You was gonna try to learn basket weaving. The old style.

And you up and disappeared on him. On all of them.

Again.

Only this time, you ain’t coming back. This time, you ain’t gonna find no pink bicycle waiting for you cause you ain’t never gonna come crunching back over that red gravel. Never gonna smell them rich pecan trees, and bitch about Uncle Randy’s nasty cigarettes.

This is what you do, ain’t it? You disappear. You run off. You leave your family. All of your family, even the piece of shit parts over and over and over.

The tears coat your cheeks. You swipe at them furiously.

The wine sloshes again.

“Our gith friend had other plans for the evening,” Astarion says after…you don’t know.

You glance up and the sky spins above you. Fuck, you’re gonna make yourself sick you keep this up.

Deep breath in, deep breath out.

“That sucks,” you say.

He makes a startled, snorting sound. “There was none of that, actually. And that’s the problem.”

Ah. Ye-awp. That’d do it. That’d be why he’s here with you. His prospect failed, so now he’s come back to you. The easy one.

You sigh and finally lose your fight with gravity and flop onto your side. You wave vaguely over your shoulder.

“Go find one of them tieflings, then,” you say. “They can’t all be paired off.”

You’re tired, actually. Desperately so. The grass is nice and soft, and it’s safe out here, right?

Something shuffles. A rhythmic swish of grass. It’s the change in the air that alerts you. He don’t radiate body heat cause he don’t got none. But he is…surrounded by something a lot like a static field.

You look up to see him on all fours over you, peering down. Not like, over you, over you, it’s just his head. He wears no expression. Just…looks at you.

Have you ever seen him like this before?

“You didn’t seek any playmates of your own,” he says. And who the fuck talks like that?

“I got.” You start to lift your hand to waggle your remaining wine bottle, but your hands is empty. Ah fuck. “I had wine.”

“But you didn’t need to drink by yourself, darling. Both the cleric and the wizard would have gladly followed you out here.”

Well he certainly did.

Still, that blank face. Not, like, shuttered blank. Just…open. Or empty. It’s just his face.

…you should just tell him. All’ve this would be so easy if you just fucking told him. But he dumped you. He’s probably one of them guys who gets real weird when he finds out you’re thirty-five and are the sole provider of your own orgasms.

And it shouldn’t fucking matter.

“Didn’t want to,” you say. And do not elaborate.

Leaving the ball in his court. He fumbles with it. Stares at you like you just tossed him a soggy potato.

You’re kinda curious to see what he does with it.

His eyes narrow. You think he frowns. But it ain’t a pissy frown. It’s a thinking frown. And too late you remember that this bastard clues in on your plans real fast. That he seems to have a decent read on things (that ain’t trying to get into your pants).

Oh fuck.

“You haven’t dabbled with any of our merry band,” he says. Is that thoughtful? He sounds thoughtful. Shit on a goddamn cracker.

Um.

“And you saved me back at that goblin camp,” you say. And give yourself a mental high five, cause if he wants to delve into shit you don’t wanna talk about, take a reverse fucking uno card, jackass!

But he don’t dodge or parry, this time. He fucking leans in. You breathe in some of his own exhale and feel your cheeks begin to warm (through the booze).

“And what if I did?” he says, voice just shy of a whisper.

Oh. You didn’t expect that. Shit. What’s the play here? Uh.

“I’d thank you,” you say.

The sky spins above him. He’s the only steady thing in your vision.

“Is that all?” he says. Y’all are totally sharing lung air now, and his whisper gives you a goddamn ASMR shiver.

Except you’re drunk. And he’s way too close. And the shivers quiver down to your belly. The sky spins faster.

“What if I told you,” Astarion breathes, “that I’ve been thinking about our night together ceaselessly—”

Your stomach lurches.

Oh. That ain’t a shiver or a booze buzz or Astarion. You make some awful gagging sound, wrench up and to the side, and bring up about a bottle and a half of wine.

Previous - Index - Next Chapter

[rite4fun]

firefly

another fic based on a song,, definitely not going to be everyone’s cup of tea but i’m a bit of a masochist and loveeee a good angsty fic now and again!! if you got any ideas on what i should write next, don’t be shy, send a message, open to many things; smutty, angsty, fluffy.. anything really :) (once again.. see an error, no ya don’t)

the only warning i got, is don’t read if you have a sensitive heart <3

••

although night has fallen, the breeze is still humid around the pair that lay pressed side by side on the damp ground of the quarry.

the thin blanket they lay upon doing nothing to protect their clothing but neither seem to mind as they gaze up at the open sky, lustrous stars scattered across the midnight abyss.

“do you ever think about what happens after you die?” her voice is soft, a sweet melody that accompanies the rustling of leaves and crushing waves of water a few feet away.

“nah” his response equally as hushed but less like a song and more like a disgruntled muffle.

“ever?” she turns her head to look at the man beside her, his side profile illuminated by the moonlight.

“dun’ need too” his words are definitive, leaving no room for any further questioning.

she adjusts her head back to the empty space above, the slight swish of the water against the bank tickling her ears everytime the wind blows.

“maybe.. maybe we get to choose what we come back as.. i’d be a cat.. oh! maybe a firefly!” she excitedly gasps, a smile stretching across her lips.

“why tha hell would ya wan’ ta come back as an insect?” incredulously fills his question as his head whips to look at her.

she meets his gaze, her smile softening at the quizzical expression he wears, “have you ever been sad when you have seen one?”

and taking in her words, he realizes the undeniable resemblance she holds to a firefly. similar in their relationship with humans, she too brings a lively spirit to any room she enters - to any person she encounters. no one can resist the natural ray of light that bubbles from within, bursting at the seams and bringing every bit of life back to what it used feel like with a simple shine of her smile or riveting laughter.

it was like the universe knew they needed her, needed that ever building optimism and confidence she seemed to never run out of in this new world.

••

light pours into the room from the windows, a soft glow casting over the unconscious figure in bed. daryls shaggy brown hair sprawled messily over the white pillow case as the dark blue covers pooled around his hips leaving his sunkissed bare chest exposed to the cool morning air.

his body stirs as his consciousness rises, the silence of the beginning of a new day washing over every fiber of his being. a refreshing contrast to the ugly world that lurks beyond the walls.

daryl reaches an arm out to the opposite side of the bed, searching for the warmth of another body. the lack thereof is accompanied with emptiness among the cold sheets, leaving an unnerved feeling in the seekers chest.

with a sudden gasp, he sits up in a panic. sleepy blue eyes squinting in the luminous room as they search the open space for the missing presence. the more time passes, the larger the anxiety grows within the already empty cavity that lies in his chest.

his heart thuds painfully, a hand rubbing over it as he throws his legs over the side of the bed, feet landing on the chilly flooring. before he can throw caution to the wind and fully thrust himself into a full on manic streak, the door across from him opens.

a familiar figure stepping into the natural lit room and daryl finds himself finally able to breathe at the sight of her.

“oh.. well good morning sunshine!” his sudden alertness just as surprising to her - who had slipped from the bed as he lay dead to the world, snores having left his mouth as his mind finally finds a deep resting period. “what’s wrong?”

blue eyes glare from under the curtain of messy bangs, an evident hint of annoyance filling the once relaxed ambience room.

“ya weren’t in bed..” a frown settles upon his lips in complete contrast to the upturned amused smile that appears on her own.

“even though you refuse to acknowledge it, i volunteered to go on the next run,” her body sways closer, daryl forced to tilt his head up to keep eye contact. his eyes narrow at the glowing halo the shining sun seems to create around her head.

“the run i told ya not to go on?”

she hums in confirmation, “rick’s been planning it for days. solid strategy and the place seems promising”

her words fall flat to his ears, a million and one scenarios filtering through his mind as they often do when she steps outside the safety of alexandrias’ walls. she’s every bit capable of handling herself but it does nothing to ease his fears of just one slip up and shit hitting the fan in a split second for his whole world to crumble.

actually, he’d rather not think about it.

“or.. ya could stay here with me” his hands reach out, fingers easily slipping through the loops of her jeans to pull her even closer.

“cute” her fingers reach up to pinch his nose playfully, his nose scrunching up at the ticklish feeling her touch leaves, “but you promised aaron that you would finally make another recruiting mission”

it’s been a minute since daryl had stepped far outside the walls, their last trip lasted near three weeks, returning with only one person. aaron called for a dry spell, deciding that maybe their help wasn’t needed outside the walls right now but inside.

daryl isn’t one to settle for too long and he’d find himself taking daily hunts outside the walls just to keep a seldom piece of mind, but he’d recently found that he didn’t particularly mind if he was forced to stay inside the house if her presence was assisting.

a couple months have passed now and daryl still feels like he’ll never get enough of her.

her hand lifts to brush the long bangs from his vision, revealing her favorite shade of blue. the simple graze of her fingertips against his forehead sends a riveting chill through his whole body - his breath hiccuping, eyelashes fluttering before shutting heavily.

gaining the strength to open them, he finds her now standing at the bottom of the steps, slipping her boots on. the touch of hers, now just a ghost feeling as his body physically aches for it longer.

“duty calls, dixon” she winks before walking up the steps and out the basement door.

••

“did you ever think about staying?” leaves crunch loudly under her feet in the otherwise desolate forest.

“where?” he doesn’t have the heart to tell her to be quiet with all the noise her miss-matched steps make. he was finding himself more often than not seeking out her company especially in times like now where the search of a twelve year old girl remained urgent and weighing heavily on his shoulders.

“in the cdc..” her eyes gaze over the woods that surround them, although they have stated they have more cover here, she still finds it unnerving to see the many hidden spots a person - a walker - could be. “even for just a second?”

“hell no” he stops, looking over his shoulder at her, “why? did ya want to?”

she shrugs, eyes still wandering their whereabouts, “thought about it..”

“why?” he asks in bewilderment, turning his entire figure to face her, forcing her attention to his intimidating frame that towers over her.

“just.. sometimes i think i’m not meant to be here long..” she shifts her footing, looking away from his sharp blue glare, “not sure i’m built for this new world”

“‘nd why’s tha’?” frustration creeping into his bones.

“just a feeling, i guess..” she’s regretting asking him such a question and now opening up to him as she can feel the crushing irritation roll off him in waves.

“well..” he roughly scratches at his chin, “yer here so yer jus’ gonna hav’ta deal with it” he turns away, ready to get back to their search and rescue. hopefully forget this whole meaningless conversation.

“why do you care?” the question is ridiculous, she knows it too as the minute they met, they just clicked. he found himself rather comforted by her exuberant personality - a contrast to the dull world - and she had found a sense of safety within him.

“why ya suddenly so negative?” he rushes her, his curiousity piqued at her startling pessimism.

“i’m not! i-i just think-“ she scrambles to grasp her words, she hadn’t meant it to sound so daunting.

“yer gonna be fine” his words leaving no room for her to doubt or dispute.

“you can’t promise that” she shakes her head, shoulders curving in.

“i have n i will. we’ll find sophia n we’ll find some place ta settle. it ain’t gonna end like this, not for us” his words are final and despite the slight lashing, she can’t help but feel soothed by them.

he’d be damned if one more person gave up, most of all her whose light always shined brighter than most.

••

daryl stumbles out the same door several minutes later, following the delicious smell coming from the kitchen.

a slight disappointed feeling fills his stomach when her figure isn’t in there, a place she’d normally be humming some random tune as she danced around.

instead, the humming is from his fellow friend carol and although he typically doesn’t mind her company, he couldn’t deny the overwhelming urge to rush out the door and find the one his body craves most.

carol senses his presence, turning around as her eyes sweep down his person caustiously, “morning, how are you feeling?”

“mornin’” he squints his eyes at her filtering gaze, “‘m fine”

carol nods slowly, setting a plate of food infront of him before turning back to the stove silently.

the air feels heavier than normal between them, there is something off but daryl can’t put his finger on it. not one to press, he decides to let it go, if carol needed to speak to him about something, she would.

as he looks at the plate of food, he realizes he has no appetite instead he finds himself looking through the windows, trying to catch a glimpse of her but it is like she’s vanished and that similar feeling he had this morning when he couldn’t find her begins opening again in his chest.

the abrupt squeak of a chair before it’s tumbling to the floor in rapid succession has carol spinning around to face him. he stands haphazardly next to the fallen chair, chest heaving in the silence.

carol takes small wary steps in his direction, leaning down to pick up the chair and settling it upright. she eyes him again, searching the surroundings for the thing or person that sent him into a tizzy but there’s nothing.

“hey.. you okay?” carol softly asks, her motions slow and tone quiet in hopes of not disturbing whatever frenzy daryl suddenly seems to be in. she steps closer, enough to reach a hand out and set it up on his arm. his body jerks roughly, eyes flashing to meet carols, “come on.. sit back down”

carol gently motions for him to sit again but he doesn’t move. his heart has snuck up to lodge in his throat, creating a sharp lump when he attempts to swallow the nonexistent saliva in his otherwise dry mouth. he isn’t sure why he suddenly feels like the world is crushing on his chest or why he feels the need to run until his legs ache and his breathing burns as he tries to catch it. his mind is running but not a single thought sticks except what the hell is happening.

••

“hiya stranger!” she approaches him, her eyes scanning his new set up.

“wha’ da ya want?” he looks up as he puts up some finishing touches of his camp.

“just checking up on the neighbors.. you know, since you’ve moved away” she pesters as she steps further into the area.

“dun’ know wha’ ya talkin’ bout” he denies and turns away, hoping if he ignores her, she’d leave.

“you do” her voice closer and when he looks over his shoulder, he finds her settling on a log near the fire he had just started. her eyes flicker up and meet his, patting the spot next to her, “sit”

he could easily kick her out, yell- cause a big scene so she’ll go running back to everyone else.. but he finds that he can’t- correct term won’t because he genuinely wants her here. it’s an infuriating feeling sometimes.

he sits anyway, plopping carelessly into the spot next to her. no one speaks for a couple minutes, the sounds of nature encompasses the empty space as the fire crackles infront of them.

“no one blames you, you know? you did everything and more to find sophia, pushed harder than anyone on this land..“ her arms settle around her legs, pulling them closer to her chest, “carol is lucky you were willing to continue looking even though everyone else wanted to give up.”

“not lucky enough..” he grunts, hand rubbing over his chest where an ache begins to stir eveytime he thinks of the little girl who died alone and terrified in the woods, if only he looked harder.

“no.. maybe not. but she’s thankful.” even not looking at him, she can sense his disagreement, “she is! they all are, we are incredibly lucky to have someone so willing to do anything despite the odds.” she glances at the group campsite, only a sliver of light visible from the distance that he put between them and himself, “you shouldn’t pull away.. they need you. all of them.” utter disbelief gracing his person as he scoffs, “what? they do! they need your strength, your wit, your drive..” she stands abruptly, ready to make the trip back to her own tent, having felt she got everything she needed to off her chest plus some, “you’re every bit as important to this group than you think..”

“wha’ bout ya?” his timid voice makes her stop in her tracks.

“hm?” she tilts her head, her body still close enough that he can see the flicker of the fire reflecting in them, his stomach flips at the sight.

“y-ya said they need me.. wha’ bout ya?” the eye contact is intense and he finds himself taking a deep breath as if it will lessen the heat of it.

but she’s the first one to break it, taking a glance in the direction she was headed before looking down and toeing at the dirt, “maybe, uh.. when you’re ready to join us again.. there’s space next to my tent for you to set up- if you want” her words are rushed, almost bashful and he can’t tell if the pink of her cheeks burn from the heat of the flames or his gaze.

she doesn’t have to wait long for an answer when the next day, coming back from a day of gun training, she finds him setting up his tent in the empty space next to hers.

both sharing an equally coy smile.

••

by the time his head catches up to reality, he finds himself now outside, sitting on the porch swing alone. the vivacious sounds of the community invades his ears, his eyes following the many movements that come from the members who take advantage of the beautiful day. only a couple houses down, that same familiar figure exits from a home, bounding down the front steps and striding down the sidewalk. the sight of her takes his breath away simultaneously as it lifts that weight from his shoulders.

sensing his intense gaze, she looks over her shoulder, silky hair moving fluidly down her back at the motion. her pink lips lifting into a sweet smile as she lifts a hand to wave at his still figure before turning around and continuing her journey down the street.

daryl finds himself going to make the move of following her, hoping it’d quell the ever-building ball of anxiety in his chest as she creates more distance between them. he doesn’t make it far, just barely lifting his body from the swing before the front door is opening and carol is stepping out, a cup of water in one hand and the abandoned plate of food in the other.

she settles next to him, slipping the cup into his hand. in his disconcertment, the sudden acknowledgement that he has limbs that function becomes evident in the way his fingers grip the glass tightly in apprehension.

“i’m sure aaron will understand if you don’t go today..” carol finally breaks the silence, placing the plate on her lap and staring out into the street.

it’s unsettling the way she speaks to him, although their friendship has grown enough that being vulnerable infront of each other was welcomed, it was like she was holding something back. it was beginning to become frustrating to daryl as tensions rise more, he knows there is something there, he can feel a part of his brain has shut a door of information he feels like he should know.

daryl invisions the mentally shut door with bright yellow caution tape creating an X over it and no matter how curious he felt, he found himself not being able to open it.

“‘m fine” he grunts as he brings the cup up to his dry mouth.

that same desire earlier of crawling back into bed and wallowing in the covers with another warm body vanished, if she was outside the walls - daryl would be too.

“then atleast have some breakfast,” carol thrusts the plate into view, his stomach churning unpleasantly at the sight.

“not hungry..” turning his body to face away from the food, he sips at the water to crush the near unbearable urge to vomit.

“you should eat if you plan to go with aaron, you’ll need the energy” carol pushes more verbally but physically she sits back against the porch swing, her eyes casting over the back of his person.

daryl can’t stand an overbearer.. well except one. the only one he’ll tolerate with such nonsense now stands at the corner of the road. she’s further than before, forcing his eyes to squint as if it will better his sight. she’s got a bag over her shoulder as she conversates with someone infront of her.

the sunlight beams over her, casting an even brighter glow on her skin. it’s impossible to not look at her whenever she’s near, a true beauty that warrants all attention wherever she goes.

and goes, she does.. again. parting ways with whoever she was speaking with and disappearing around the bend, out of his sight.

don’t get him wrong, daryl loves a good chase but this has become increasingly tedious. she’s so close, yet so far - a stone’s throw away but still out of reach.

he can’t take it anymore as he heaves his body from the porch swing, leaving carols’ to be jostled by the sudden movement. her hands reaching out steady herself and the rejected plate of food as she watches him move disorderly, staring off down the empty road for a moment longer..

then he’s moving, throwing open the front door hastily. carol is quick to follow, calling out to him as she surveys the sporadic way in which he throws his crossbow over his body and mumbling to himself as he rummages through his pack.

“i think you should stay in today” daryl freezes his rash ministrations at carols’ voice, riveting sharp blue eyes peaking through his messy bangs.

“wha’ is yer problem?” carol is taken back by such notion, taking in the defensive way in which he stands - hands gripping his bag and holding it purposefully against himself.

“i-i don’t have a problem daryl.. i just think you should cancel today” she stands in the open doorway, blocking his way and whether it’s intentional or not, it makes him feel caged in. an itch crawls it’s way under his skin and he needs to get out now before he does something he’ll regret.

“i told ya, ‘m fine” he shoulders his pack, “now, ‘m leavin’.. wanna catch up ta say goodbye”

carol is hesitant to move but she can see the way in which he grips the strap of his bag - knuckles nearly white as he fights an imaginary battle against himself. his fight or flight mode activated by their conversation, there’s days she pushes but she can’t today because among the agitated gaze that sets in his eyes is the fearful look that covers his face. such vulnerability that he only shows time to time and one that breaks carols heart everytime.

she steps away from the doorway, allowing daryl to push through and down the steps, his last words finally catching up to her, “you’re gonna say goodbye to rick?”

it isn’t unusual to bid farewell to a group run, this new world left little to no promises to anyone but carol has never seen daryl so rushed and panicked to say goodbye to someone.

daryl has just reached the bottom step as he takes in her ridiculous question. his words coming out heavily sarcastic, “ya gonna send him off with a song n maybe even a kiss”

he shakes his head in disbelief as he stomps to his motorcycle. not bothering to settle his belongings along the bike and instead hastily throwing a leg over and starting the engine. a wash of relief settling cooly over his skin at the roar of the motor and building vibrations beneath his body.

••

“would you rather be burned or buried when you die?” she speaks louder than the monstrous growls that travel through the fences a couple feet away.

“why ya always on ‘bout death, woman?” she giggles at the genuinely preturbed tone he uses, it always shocks her how quick she can catch him off guard in comparison to his usual mellow demeanor.

“you see the world we live in? not exactly a guaranteed place for the living..” her voice falls short at the end, losing her words somewhere in the dirt that she digs in. her gloved hands sprinkling in some seeds before piling the soil on top and patting it down.

repeating the process in another area of ground, she reaches up and swipes an arm over her forehead. even though it’s morning, the georgia sun still bears down against the pair, her skin already beginning to glisten with a layer of sweat.

“i told ya, ya dun’ hav’ ta worry about tha’” her head shoots up to face the man infront of her, he wasn’t big on gardening but he liked spending any free time with her- even if it meant being knee deep in the sodding earth, “‘bout.. dyin’.. i mean. least not while ‘m here” he continues when confusion covers her flushed face, seeming to have forgotten the promise he had made to her before.

the sentiment of his words are sweet - familar and she wants to believe them but as she looks to the rattling of fences to her right, she can’t bring herself fall short of reality, “shouldn’t promise things like that..”

“i mean it” the absolute tone along with the clear certainty that covers his face makes her smile softly, “who knows.. maybe yer’ll be the last man standin’”

the heroic idea isn’t as appealing as he tries to play it out to be, quite frankly it holds more of a harrowing threat. one filled with loss and loneliness, one she would rather not think about as she tries to bury the thoughts along with the seeds she plants.

“i always liked the idea of a tree pod burial..” she answers her own question from before, “would be cool to come back as a tree” her little joke is a hit and the man across from her scoffs out a laugh as he shakes his head.

“yer ridiculous” the two share a smile before continuing their manual work.

she redirects her attention back on planting the many seeds she has left while he stays struck still on the prospect that she’s thought of her death before - something he’d rather not fathom - even to her perferred burial.

despite her previous dismissal at his words, he would infact continue to keep the promise that came from his affectionate remark and the one before that. if there was anyone in this world that deserved to beat this new world, it had to be her.

and he’d do anything to make that happen.

••

he glides down the street to the front gate, taking in the recruitment car and two figures standing near it. he rolls up behind the car, eyes flashing in disappointment as he notices the missing vehicles to his right.

“didn’t think you’d come!” eric and aaron stride closer, speaking over the loud engine of his bike.

“they left already?” confusion falls over the pairs’ faces, “rick and them?”

“oh.. yeah!” aaron nods, “rick wanted to get out early so they had as much sunlight as possible”

daryl takes a second to digest the words because he can’t believe she didn’t say goodbye. he understood the urgency to hit the road, he knows the disadvantage they had against the dead with the lack of light but.. his heart still sits dejectedly in his chest.

“daryl?” he hadn’t realized his head had fallen forward until he lifts it heavily to meet erics’ eyes, “you okay?”

he can see the concern in both their features, the same unpleasant worry over his wellbeing showcasing in their cautious manner. daryl is getting real sick of everyone treating him like he is a glass doll.

“should hit the road too, if we, uh, wan’ ta be back by sundown” he nods his head towards the walls, hopping off his bike and attaching his crossbow and bag securely.

he keeps himself busy with adjusting his belongings that he misses the shared look between the couple infront of him but they make for no more conversation.

once aaron has settled into his own equipped vehicle, daryl watches as eric leans over the open window. clearly a romantic farewell for aaron as they laugh, it’s every bit as obnoxious as ones he’d receive when he left her behind. her voice always sweetly asking for one more kiss and clinging to any body part she could.

he’d never been a fan of pda before but he never could deny her. he also couldn’t help the flare of jealousy everytime he caught wandering eyes over her figure, only to be quelled when they would catch sight of the many ways he’d claimed her and he equally hers.

the burning in his chest grows as he thinks about her, somewhere outside these walls without his affections. the itch grows under his skin, irritation filling his body as he watches the pair share sweet sentiments.

he honks his horn, the sudden sound making them jump along with the watch guards. he plays it off, atleast he hopes the pull of his lips look more like a playful smile and less like a painful grimace.

it’s enough to have them sharing one last kiss before eric steps back from the car. the guards up the tower motion for the all clear, another pulling open the gate. daryl passively throws a nod in erics direction when he passes him as he continues to ride through the gate.

••

“the bright side is we’re back together!” her cheerful statement a cover for the fear she had endured for those few days she remained alone after the fall of the prison. the heart-wrenching pain she felt wandering the woods, searching for the people she found a family in. “we’ll find something better, i don’t know about anybody else but those cells gave me the creeps!”

and despite everything, the loss of their home, the separation, the cannibals- they couldn’t help but laugh, a laughter filled with disbelief and relief because they were infact still together. still alive.

to others, they probably looked like maniacs, laughing and hugging one another in the middle of a road, the sky caking a dark set of thunderous clouds above them with the threat of pouring rain but to them.. it meant they were still living.

he pulls her close, shoving his face into her hair as he holds her tightly to his chest. giggles errupting from her pink lips at the crushing grip.

“gotta let her breathe man, she’s the only light we have left.. gotta keep her around” ricks’ tone is filled with humor but his statement paved way for the truth.

if one of them ever needed a bump of enlightenment, she was the one they seeked out. her optimism lit a fire that burned within each of them, sometimes they just needed that boost of energy she never seemed short of to keep going.

••

it seems this recruitment trip will end in similar fashion to the previous ones: a bust.

“i say we end early, stop by that mini mart we passed and then go on home.. sound good?” aaron stared down at the map laid atop the hood of the car, they had ventured even further than they originally had organized. they really only had two choices now, do what he previously stated or travel even furthur out but they didn’t really plan on overstaying anywhere so as it seems, the first option sounded more appealing. “daryl?”

“hm?” he had been pacing on the side of the road after their previous conversation of their whereabouts.

aaron had noticed the whole trip how out of it the other male seemed to be, locked up in some mental battle. they’d be lucky on walkers, coming across small groups and the occasional loner - nothing they couldn’t handle.

“that sound okay? I think we’d be pushing it if we kept going, better we go home and plan a few days trip than risk it all today” aaron folds up the map as daryl continues to pace, teeth nibbling on the skin of his thumb.

“ya, we could stop by tha’ mini mart we passed before headin’ back” daryl looks to aaron for confirmation who only nods in confusion as if he didn’t just suggest the same thing seconds ago. he watches the way daryls’ usually skilled hands scramble over his belongings as if his mind has yet to catch up with his movements, repeating motions he had already made.

he can only hope that daryl has just enough mental clarity to get them through the last bit of this trip so they can make it home safely.

aaron leads the way back to the abandoned mini mart they had passed, keeping a mindful eye on the motorcycle behind him.

always cautious with just the building around the corner, aaron pulls onto the side of the road and daryl pulls up next to him a bit furthur into the woods, concealing his bike within the wilderness’ cover of bushes. they stay hidden in the thicket of trees, coming up on the backside of the mini mart, hoping that if someone was here, they’d catch them blindsided.

daryl takes the lead, eyes sweeping across the open back alley. he signals to aaron the all clear and they sync their steps, one covering the front and the other watching their backs until they reach the building.

pressing themselves flat to the brick wall, on opposite ends of the only door that’s available for access into the building in the back. daryl lifts a hand to jiggle the doorknob roughly then pressing his ear to the door. he is met with silence so with one final sweep of the otherwise quiet alley, daryl shares another nod with aaron who grips the doorknob as his counterpart raises his weapon. in silent conversation, the door is swung open to reveal an empty room, clear of walkers or live beings.

aaron holds the door as daryl checks every corner of the small room and once cleared, he shuts it behind them, leaving them in complete darkness. their next movements are quick when whipping out their flashlights.

the first room is a storage room, boxes upon boxes labeled of papers or containers. the next room they come up equally as empty, although a break room it contains nothing but a fridge that leaks a rotten smell. seeing their way out of it, their met with a hallway that splits in two directions.

the right has four closed doors while the left has only one so daryl makes a motion towards it, aaron following closely behind. the door swings open to a small kitchen, trashed but empty of walkers as their lights cast over the room. they move further in until they reach a cased opening, both walking through and finding a food case that separates them from the main lobby. they keep their steps quiet, flashing their lights over the room once to confirm they had finally made it before looking infront of them.

the food case holds what would have been fresh food but now resides it rotten below them. both of them shuffle behind the counter silently, daryl leaning over to flash his light at the closet rack across from him. his eyes following the light as it reveals bags of chips left unharmed, they’d all be stale but hope builds in his chest at the potential of more salvagable food.

he reaches out to nudge aaron, nodding his head in the direction of the chips as both their lights flash over the rack and they share a similar look of gratification.

maybe their trip wasn’t a bust after all and they could bring home a real treat for everyone when they empty this place.

but alas, like many things in this new world, nothing is ever that easy anymore because not a second later the familar groaning sounds of a walker makes itself known, stumbling from around the rack and towards the counter. easy enough, daryl grips it and stabs a knife in its head before he shoves it back. maybe a bit too roughly as it collapses into a display, taking every bit of it down with a resounding bang.

the pair freeze, ears ringing in the ominous silence before it’s followed by multiple ghastly moans. their lights flash around as the walkers reveal themselves and begin to crowd the counter, forcing them to move back.

“we can’t take them all, we have to go!” aaron shouts over the ever growing sounds as daryl attempts to kill as many as he can, thrusting his knife in one before moving out of reach of the grabby hands. a walker pushes through on one side, advancing into the space they reside in and cornering them to one side, “we gotta go, now!”

aaron pulls at daryl before both are jumping over the opposite end of the counter, dashing down an aisle and weaving into another in the darkness. aaron holds the front well, stabbing any walkers that cross his path while daryl throws whatever shelves or displays down behind him to block and hinder the dead so they can make a quick escape.

“there! it’s an exit door!” aaron flashes his light a few feet ahead, grunting as he kicks one walker back and stabs another before finishing off the previous one. daryl chances a glance ahead, finding the same door before he focuses on keeping a decent distance between them and the growing crowd following them.

aaron makes a dash ahead for the exit, shoving the shelf that blocked it and pushing the door open, his eyes squint, arm coming up defensively at the bright gleam of light that filters through the door and casting clearance on the scene inside.

daryl finally breaks through an aisle when the distinct yell of his name steals his attention from the billow of light that glows from the exit door. aaron lifts his gun, killing the dead that stand in daryls way of reaching safety, the echo of gunshots would surely attract more walkers but he is hoping by the time they show up, him and daryl would be miles away from here.

daryl is so close, only a few feet away from where aaron stands when the same distant yell reaches his ears again. his head looks in the direction it seems to emanate from, a flash of white light, followed by the familar figure he so badly missed this morning, dashing around a shelf. his brain stutters, steps matching with staggering steps as he tries to comprehend the idea of her being here- let alone if that was her and- questions upon unanswered questions filter through his mind but he wastes no time in diverting his direction towards where he last saw her.

he’ll be damned if he left her here in a walker infested mini mart, he’ll berate her later.

“daryl!” aaron screams, firing shots at the few walkers that stumble towards him while others follow the other man back into the darkness. there’s no second guessing in this new world so aaron quickly finds himself letting go of the door as he darts after the other man, “shit!”

daryl can’t seem to catch up, always a couple steps behind as he stumbles in the dark while he tracks the gleaming ball of light that seems to follow her. he calls out to her, demanding she stop and wait for him but she doesn’t listen, maybe she can’t hear? he makes to yell again but as he flashes his light in the direction she seemingly disappeared in, she’s gone.

he lost her.

his mind shifts gears into overdrive, frantically searching around in circles with his flashlight, eyes flicking in every direction as he tries to determine just where she may have escaped. having made it to the front of the store, he scans down every aisle, walkers stumbling down most of them but he pays them no mind as he seeks out the one he came running after.

his one track mind causes him to lose sight of his surroundings, unaware of the walker that creeps up on him from behind. his head falls forward as his ears ring at the sound of a gunshot and as he whips around, he finally notices the fallen walker and his savior who stands above it, gun clutched in their hand.

“i told you it’s time to go!” red in the face with frustration, aaron turns away from daryl and begins unblocking the front doors, layers upon layers of blockage that he shoves away to reveal the chains that lock around the handles, “there’s chains daryl!”

pulling an arrow from a walkers head, daryl throw his pack off and tosses it in aarons direction, “gotta’ hatchet in there!”

together they work, one taking out the walkers that drive closer to them and the other fighting the shackles that lock them in this place of demise.

“daryl!” the shout of his name - one much clearer than the others earlier - has him turning around, the door now opened and it’s radiant light blinding him for a moment, sensitive blue eyes squinting but still- he grabs the hand that reaches out to him and pulls him through the doors.

the wind howls through his ears as his feet pound heavily against the black tarmac. his chest heaves as he pants, his attempts of catching his breath useless as he loses it just as fast as he gains it.

finding safety in the great distance they’ve put between them and the shit show they were in, both pairs of feet slow until they come to a complete stop - dropping everything but themselves to the road.

daryl barely finds himself recuperating before his body is abruptly shoved, the exhaustion of running leaving his body tired and easily conforming to such movement with many steps back as he tries to find his footing again.

“what the fuck were you thinking?!” aaron shouts at him, “were you trying to get yourself killed?!”

steady on his feet now, his attention falls back in the direction they’ve just come from. the breath of fresh air bringing clarity to senses as he rethinks the close call, then reality hitting him as he realizes there was infact no her but instead some conjured up neurotic vision of his.

he shakes his head, a palm coming to cover his face in disbelief. he nearly got them killed over a hallucination, daryl felt like he was going crazy and yet he felt a sudden need to get back. he had to see her, make sure she was okay. maybe it was a sign, he thinks. maybe things really did go south like he thought it would because he wasn’t there to protect her.

“i-i gotta get back” it’s the only thing he can get out, a heavy wave of anxiety drilling into him. daryl reaches down to grab his bag and crossbow, walking into the woods and back towards the direction of their abandoned vehicles.

“no- wait!” aaron grips his shoulder, forcing him to look at him, “what was that?! we had a clear exit!”

daryl understands the anger, the frustration that equates to fear at the near death experience he put them in but right now, he has more important things.. like getting back home and finding her, making sure she was every bit as okay as she was this morning when she stepped out that bathroom, glowing from head to toe.

“man i don’ owe ya nothin’!” he swings his arm, shoving the other mans hand off him as he diverts back to his original pace and course. despite the leaves that crunch sharply under his boots and the space his rapid steps put between them, he can still hear the muttered words that spill from aarons mouth.

“i told carol and rick you weren’t ready..”

daryl whips his body towards aaron, “wha’ the hell ya mean by tha’? wha’ shit ya been talkin’ with carol n rick?”

aarons’ pentience eyes travel over daryls figure, taking in the man before him. he shakes his head before continuing to walk, “nothing.. let’s go”

daryl returns his gesture from before, gripping his shoulder as aaron passes by him, forcing him to stop his motion, “is’ not nothin’, tell me wha’ the hell y’all been sayin’ bout me!”

aaron takes a deep breath, exhaustion clear in his tone as he speaks, “thought you wanted to go home?”

daryls’ forced to fight an internal crisis of pushing more or just letting it go, he chooses the latter, opting to press for more information later once his sights set on her and the knowledge that she’s made it back unscathed is visible then- he’ll rage until someone tells him what the fuck the gossip is about.

despite his final verdict of the situation, the swell of anger still sits tightly in his chest. enough that as he passes aaron, he harshly throws his shoulder into the other mans’ as he makes his way back through the dense woods.

••

“i think we’ll be good here” she pipes up from the makeshift bed they lay upon the floor.

“yea?” he grunts.

“mhm.. could be a good home.. for a long time” his heart skips when her eyes flicker to meet his, “settle down finally..” the warmth in her words make his stomach squirm.

“with me?” insecurity in his tone.

“who else?” she shakes her head in disbelief, bringing a hand to cup his cheek, allowing a thumb to caress the skin of his cheekbone before shrugging, “maybe it’s time to think of the future.. our future hm?”

he is speechless as his hand comes up to cover the one she has on his face, holding it before bringing it to his lips, kissing her fingertips softly. the feather-like touch making her laugh quietly, a smile spreading on his face at the happiness that emits from her.

they had a future. she wants a future. with him.

••

the sun’s just beginning to set as daryl finds himself impatiently slipping through the first sliver of space his bike can fit through when arriving to the gates of alexandria. his eyes catching sight of the returned vehicles - a visual confirmation that the group run has made it back - as he races down the streets to his home.

if the thundering of his bike isn’t enough to reveal his presence, his bounding steps up the stairs are, leaving the occupants that sit inside his house more than ready to face him. atleast it should, yet the two faces that stare back at him in his kitchen are no less than startled.

quite frankly, they were the last two people he wanted to see considering the idle talk that aaron so kindly disclosed to him earlier.

“hey.. didn’t expect you back so early!” carol speaks with faux cheerfulness, a clear indicator that something’s wrong, that and the transparent flicker of concern on ricks face.

“wha’ happened?” daryl wants no more bullshit, this game that everyone seems to be playing with him today has caused him enough irritation and confusion to last him a lifetime, “go on!”

the silence is deafening, the pair infront of him turning to each other - a soundless conversation - before pivoting back to him, fish mouthed and all as if trying to find the words or maybe there isn’t any.. either way it pisses daryl off more.

he adjusts his stance, rubbing a hand down his face before throwing it towards them in frustration, “jus’ tell me where she is?”

and the room freezes, literally and figuratively. while no one moves physically, a sudden chill settles over him and he rubs at his arms as the goosebumps appear over them. bewilderement makes up his face as he stares back at the pair before him who seem frozen in time.

“wh- who?” carol is the one to speak up, words wary and meek. rick seemingly caught up in his own mind as he drags his own hand over his growing beard roughly, a look of discomfort taking over his features.

“dun’ play fuckin’ games, ya know who ‘m talkin’ bout! she went on the run with ya today rick! where is she!?” he hadn’t even noticed his pulse rising, a wave of anger coursing through his veins: red hot and flushing over his skin causing him further irritation. shoulders rolling back and his chest puffing out, his menacing demeanor a threat to anyone who won’t give him an answer, at this point he doesn’t care if it’s his family- someone is going to tell him what the fuck is going on whether they like it or not.

“dar-“ rick begins to speak but is quickly interrupted.

“she’s still out…” carol steps around the island, hypervigilant of the man infront of her, “they got back early and she wanted to hunt while the sun was still up.. why don’t you rest and we’ll let you know when she gets back?”

it’s all daryl needs to hear, a where and he’ll be there. always.

just on the horizon, sits the bright orange sun, leaving the sky colored in a dark blue with pinkish clouds. the gentle breeze of warm air ghosting over the community, a peaceful wave of harmony found in their otherwise dark reality.

but none of it matters to daryl as he bolts out the house and towards his bike, the hasty calls of his name bouncing off his back. he’s got his gear still hooked as he straddles the seat and all it takes is a flick of a switch for his engine to start.

he’s just moved the kickstand up, preparing to roll out when a hand reaches out to grip his handle bars, forcing his attention on the owner.

“don’t do this brother..” ricks’ voice is filled with emotion as he stares into his eyes, an attempt to convey something to him without verbally saying it.

“let go man..” fury is all daryl can explain what he feels, red alert alarms blaring throughout his brain and causing mayhem in every vincity of his body - furthering his irritation levels.

“daryl, let’s just go inside and wait” carol croons at him and an unwavering pressure of rage boils down then out.

“get the fuck off!” daryl crushes ricks hand in his as he attempts to shove him back, his voice level making carol step back in fear and all the commotion bringing unwanted attention from the residences that roam the street. the stares are just as aggravating, pity and comminsertion on everyone’s face as they look on the scene.

he goes to make another break but two sets of hands reach out to grab either him or the bike and all he can do is try and fight them off. to him, their voices are muddled and their motions slow but daryl still finds it difficult to keep up. a sudden surge of exhaustion taking over him at everything that he had and still is enduring since this day started.

a pit in his stomach opening as tears build in the back of his eyes, his attempts of getting them to just stop seem futile but he still tries tirelessly.

“daryl!” a golden voice reaches his ears through the sounds of his heart pounding, his head sweeping to the owner, “she’s here”

the hands of rick and carol hovering but having stopped all motions as they watch his chest heave with his watery deep breaths and slow blinking eyes. he seems to take in maggies’ words before he makes for getting off the bike, leaving it to fall if it had not been for ricks grip on the handle bars.

his steps seem almost indifferent as if his mind has yet to come up with anything solid to grasp and instead willing to go wherever, so long as he doesn’t have to endure whatever hell rick and carol were putting him through.

he matches his footing to maggies as he follows behind her, right left right left right left right left right left righ-

he stumbles right into her back, muttering an apology as he lifts his head, a simple movement that suddenly feels so heavy as he stares at the ground before him.

“‘s this some sick joke?” his body faces away from the dirt and intersecting pieces of wood staked into it, “wha’ game y’all playin’ at? this yer idea of fun?”

his back is swallowed up by a massive cold chill, spreading sharply throughout his body yet a layer of sweat lingers over the same areas. his heart thuds painfully in his chest and when he goes to inhale a refreshing breath of air to clear the burning sensation, he finds himself unable to, his throat blocked by the sudden need to scream, cry, something to release the pent up emotions he didn’t even know existed.

but as his body trembles there, back turned in repudiation and facing his family, who seemingly have gathered along the way- he finds himself standing at that metaphorical door.

the one holding back some torturous truth that his mind locked up to protect his heart.

••

“you okay?” maggie settles next to her on the porch.

“hm, yeah. just don’t want to forget this..” this as in their family, who spread over the expanse of the streets of alexandria. laughter and chatter among the group as they bask in the glory of safety.

“oh we’ll have plenty of this that the memories will soon overlap, we’ll even be beggin’ to get away from each other” maggie nudges her with a playful smile before returning to glenns side who stands in group conversation a few steps away.

there’s an itchy feeling on her shoulder, a nagging reminder of her limited time.

“ya okay?” lost in thought, she missed the sound of the front door behind her opening and the heavy familar steps.

“why’s everyone keep asking me that?” she looks up at him, watching the way he clumsily settles next to her.

“well, ya are ova here, alone..”

“says you” her eyes flick to the door he just came from.

“was thirsty” he lifts the ice cold lemonade in his hand in her direction before taking a sip.

“mhm…” she rolls her eyes playfully, her knee nudging his and jostling his body. she wraps her arms around her legs, resting her cheek on her knees as she takes in the joyus scene before her. rick and michonne play with little judith, carl having found kids his age to bond with, maggie and glenn cuddle together as they speak to carol. their newfound family: abraham, rosita, eugene, tara, noah, sasha, gabriel- among the masses of this place they can finally call a home. it’s everything she has ever wanted for them, everything they have ever deserved in this cold wicked world.

so despite the never-ending pain that erupts from within, coursing through her veins and digging into her aching bones: she can’t help but feel euphoric.

she sighs in contentment, “you’ll be okay..”

“hm?” he leans closer, glancing at the sudden calmness that seems to settle into her person: an unspoken acceptation to her fate.

she turns her head to face him, eyes glazed over and to any watchful eye, it’d seem she was blissed out in happiness over the scene before her but reality was, she was satisfied to know he’d be safe within these walls.. he’d have his family to protect him, to help him continue to conquer this new world.

even without her there.

confusion riddens his face, an arm wrapping around her back and settling around her hips, pulling her body closer to his as he mumbles comfortly into her hair, “we’ll be okay”

with her face hidden in his neck, she allows herself to mourn the loss of her future- their future. shedding small tears as she rubs a hand over his chest, tracing small hearts over where his own rest.

the calls of their names have them pulling apart, their family looking on with glee as they gesture for them to join them. with a final kiss pressed to her head, he stands and reaches a hand out, her small one swallowed in his tight grip as he pulls her to join the liven group that greet them with open arms.

the stars above stand no chance to the beaming smile that covers her face, the last bit of her light brightening before it completely burns out.

••

“daryl-“

“yer lying” unshed tears rim his eyes, threatening to fall as he shakes his head at rick who returns the gesture.

“we’re not..” rick moves closer as daryl moves back with every step, his head continuing to shake as if it will rid the idea out of the universe’s existence.

daryl has to sweep his eyes across every person infront of him, searching for just one small implication that they were making some horrible joke but all of them share similar expressions to him: agonizing unshed tears accompanied by their trembling figures.

it’s gut-wrenching watching them, he has to tear his gaze away to keep from crumbling to the earth but maybe he doesn’t have too and instead it will swallow him up.

“i-i saw her this mornin’.. sh-she was here” his body stiffens at the sharp cries that seem to leave someone, his hands clenching in pulses as if it will help keep himself together.

“you didn’t, daryl” rick fights to stay on top of diminishing any potential reasoning to his friends delusions, he had to be the one because everyone else couldn’t.

“wha-“ he gasps, “i-“ his hands reach up to grip his hair roughly, “please..” and finally looking to rick, his brother, his leader, his last resort of denial.

but all he gets is a head shake before rick has to deter his eye sight away from the excuriating pain that settles into daryls’ eyes as that imaginary door finally opens.

“no no no no” daryls vision becomes impaired by the blurry of tears, his body finally giving up and collapsing into the earths soil. he can feel arms around him, multiple holding him anywhere they can as if it will piece together the chipped part of his heart that lays six feet below him.

it’s like he can still hear her laughter, can see her sweet smile, feel her warmth and it hurts more than he can handle at the realization that it’s been days since he truly did- his anguished wails ripping from the bottom of his heart and echoing into the world beyond.

he feels sick but the heart-wrenching sobs don’t stop, hiccuping breath after breath, searching for relief in the grim depths of agony. it’s useless.

the world must think so too as the day turns into night, casting the sky in an endless navy blue, the clouds low and hiding any forms of light as if the universe punished itself for ridding itselfs of its brightest star.

he’d give anything to go back to this morning, during that grace period of peace where she still existed. where his chest didn’t ache as it felt like his heart was tearing into two.

there’s an end to it all, somewhere in the darkness the tormented cries lessen but the devastating pain resides within them- sitting heavily along their shoulders as they grip tightly to one another as their rock; their strength breaks.

she’d always remind him how important he is to the group, how loved and needed his presence is. comparing him to glue and praising his durability to continue, not knowing that she was every bit as responsible for helping him be that.

he wanted to keep pushing if it meant she was there too. standing next to his person and giving him a perfect visual of how worth it living can be.

daryl isn’t sure he can be that anymore.

not when his searing heart is torn apart and buried beneath his body, no warmth to be found.

“look..” maggies emotion riddled voice rattles in the stagnant air and where his face had been buried in his arms, he lifts it, blinking rapidly as he focuses on what the others see: a single firefly.

flickering brightly in the absence of light and being the confirmation they all knew meant that she was there, she could see them, could hear their cries and that it was all going to be okay.

they’d be okay.

daryl would be okay.

because she was okay.

••

the celestial clock rings dusk, the light from the lamp casting a soft halo glow over her head, “why didn’t ya tell me?” his hand brushes her hair back, pressing multiple kisses to her feverish skin.

“wasn’t anything to be done, hey..” she grips his hand, a comforting gesture for the continuous tears that stream down his cheeks, “you’ll be okay”

“no-“

“you will. you have too, they’ll need you” her eyes cast into the other room where their family waits, having said their goodbyes but disappearing for the hard part, “gotta remind them that there is light at the end of all tunnels”

he shakes his head in despair, “should be you..”

“i’ll be there, in every light.. shining the brightest whenever you guys need me. your very own firefly to guide you” she smiles through the pinching fire that drives in her veins, leaving her whole body aflame.

“i-i dun’ think i can..”

“you can, my strength” her grip is weak, eyelashes fluttering before settling tiredlessly on him. the corners of her mouth twitching upwards, “may- maybe you’ll be the last man standing”

he doesn’t get the chance to let her know that he too, finds the idea to be just as daunting but he’d face it.

for her, his firefly.

[dragonbe-writing]

Fallen Feathers (Pt. 2)

Fantasy AU ft. Knight! John Price

Summary: Price does his research, trying to find his monster. What he finds instead could change the trajectory of his life...

(Part 1 Here)

Word Count: 1.5k

Author's Note: Hello! Sorry it's been over a month since part 1- I am mentally ill and in college. I'm not super happy with this part, but it's necessary to kick this story into high gear. Enjoy!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

John walked through the streets of Edriel, smiling at people as he did. He was headed to the eastern side of town, a place he didn’t visit often. He was originally from the east, but his parents had moved him north- towards the castle -when he was a young boy. 

He headed over to the square, making friendly conversation with merchants, playing with some of the children. But that’s not why he was here. 

Truth be told, this wasn’t even his jurisdiction. He patrolled the west more often than not. But his eyes settled on a frail old woman, selling her pastries. He smiled. 

“Mrs. Dresel,” he greeted, tipping his head. “Good to see you again.” 

“Oh, Johnny!” she said, her voice crackly and high but oh so sweet. He grimaced at the name, but made no remark- just settling on a polite smile. “I haven’t seen you in ages! Look how big you are!” 

“Yes, I have gotten quite big,” he said, looking at her array of pastries. His eyes landed on two rolled buns- stuffed with strawberry jam and drizzled with honey. He fished through the pocket of his trousers. “How much for two?” 

“10 Den,” she said, wrapping the two up for him. “I have a feeling you aren’t just here for the pastries, Johnny,” she said, giving him a knowing smirk. He sighed, shaking his head and clicking his tongue.

“No, ma’am, I’m not,” he admitted, handing her the Den and taking the pastries. “I was wondering- do you remember a fire in this side of town?” he asked her. 

“A fire?” she repeated, looking up as she thought. She scratched her head, getting flakes of pastry in her graying hair. 

He pressed further. “One that left a girl badly burned.”

“Oh, heavens no,” she said with a wave of her wrinkly hand. “No, we haven’t had anything like that. Why?” 

John smiled politely. “Just Knight business, ma’am. Don’t be concerned. Have a good day, Mrs. Dresel,” he said, tipping his head again before heading off down the street. 

He huffed, stuffing the pastries in his pocket. He knew it- there hadn’t been a fire, at least not here. Still, he best check the logs. 

It didn’t make sense. Why would she lie? Why wouldn’t she want to be seen? He wasn’t there to arrest her- though, maybe he should be. 

~~~~~

John rubbed his eyes, strained and tired. He’d been reading old logs for hours, faded handwriting lit only by the candle burning next to him. 

This is ridiculous. 

He had a monster to catch- one that he had no description for. That’s what he should be searching for- not some woman in the woods. 

Perhaps she was mad. That could explain it. 

But she didn’t sound mad. She sounded like any other villager. And even she recognized the absurdity of the King’s goose chase. 

“Oi!”

Another Knight banged on the table he was at, pulling John from his thoughts. He jumped, color rising to his cheeks as he rolled his eyes. 

“What the hell do you want, Smith?” he grumbled, setting the log book down. 

Smith grinned, sitting on the table. “Just wanted to see how your monster hunt was going,” he replied with a snicker. 

John glared at him. “About as well as you’d think, given no direction.” 

“I heard it’s a crow,” Smith started, boyish grin growing larger. “Big, black wings, sharp talons- sharper than your sword. Ugly thing, supposedly.” 

“And where’d you hear that?” he asked, voice gruff with annoyance. 

“Rumors from when I was just a lad,” he said, hopping off the desk to pace. “Mum used to call it a fallen angel- swore she saw it once, in the dead of night.” 

John resisted the urge to roll his eyes again. She ran a hand through his beard, scratching at the skin. “Right. Well, if I see it, I’ll tell you,” he said in a grumble. 

Smith clicked his tongue. “Atta boy. Now- what the hell are you doing with the old logs?”

“You should learn to mind your business,” Price snapped, earning an amused chuckle from Smith. 

“Oh, I see.”

“See what?” 

Smith just grinned. “Is this for a maiden?”

Price froze. He felt his cheeks warm up- though he chalked it up to annoyance. “…yes. But not in that way-“

“In what way, then?” he asked cheekily. 

“None of your concern-“

“Price’s got a little lady!” he exclaimed. 

“I do not-“

“Who would’ve ever thought? You finally settling down-“

“Fuck off, Smith,” Price finally growled, slamming the log book shut and looking up at him angrily. 

Smith, already halfway out the door, replied, “Night, Price~!” 

The door closed, and John was alone again. He closed his eyes, leaning back in his chair. A crow? A fallen angel? Smith was known for his stories, that’s for sure. 

“Ridiculous,” he muttered, blowing out the candle and heading to his quarters. 

~~~~

The next morning, he hopped on Obsidian and headed back out to the woods. He knocked on her door once more. “Miss Adelaide?” he called gruffly. 

“Hang on!” she called back. He heard the curtain close. “Come in!” 

John opened the door, walking into the dark house once more. It smelled wonderful- whatever stew she had over the fire made him realize he had skipped breakfast. 

“What has you out here again?” she asked him, back in her corner.  

“You,” he replied, pulling something wrapped in cloth from his pocket. “I-“ he stopped, a sudden sense of nervousness filling him. He cleared his throat. “I brought you some of Mrs. Dresel’s pastries,” he admitted, growing a bit sheepish. His face flooded with warmth. 

“…you did?” she asked quietly. He nodded. 

“If you don’t want them, I won’t be upset-“

“No, I do want them,” she said, sounding surprised. He realized she wouldn’t come get them, and he set them on her table. 

“Well- good.” 

A hush fell over them, a bit tense. He looked around her home, and cleared his throat again. “Uh- seen any monsters?” he asked. 

She laughed a little. “No, I haven’t,” she replied. He nodded. 

“Me either,” he grumbled, shoulders relaxing a bit. She snorted. 

“The King’s lost it,” she murmured, and John sighed. He didn’t correct her, or warn her. He just silently agreed. 

“I had a fellow knight tell me that he believes it’s a crow,” he said, glancing at her house again. 

“A crow?” she asked in a high pitched laugh. He wasn’t quite sure what was funny, but he didn’t comment. 

“Yes. Big black wings, talons. Apparently,” he said, looking back to her corner. 

“Sounds hideous,” she commented, and he heard her shift. 

“It sounds fake,” he replied, rolling his eyes. “It’s ridiculous. I’ve served under the King for fifteen years, and he-“ John’s hands balled up into fist, and he took a breath to calm down. He looked out the door, eyes on the leaves trembling in the wind. “I apologize,” he said softly to her, looking back to her corner. 

“It’s alright. You aren’t the first Knight I’ve seen angry,” she said shortly. 

John’s brain was swimming. Should he ask? It would be rude- and he really didn’t want to arrest her. But Knights aren’t rude or angry for no reason. 

“…what do you mean by that?” he finally asked, hand absentmindedly drifting to the hilt of his sword. He could almost feel the blanket of discomfort wrap around them. 

She was silent. He heard her huff- he could just imagine her rolling her eyes. “You people tend to have quite the temper,” she remarked. 

“Only if provoked,” he replied. 

“Only if afraid-“

“Knights are not afraid.”

“Call it stupidity, then,” she snapped. 

“Watch your mouth, Adelaide,” he boomed, stepping towards her dark corner. He heard the rustling of her shifting. 

Silence. 

He rolled his eyes at himself, moving his hand away from his sword. He let out a sigh, pinching the bridge of his nose. “…I apologize, ma’am, I didn’t intend-“

His eyes caught something in the corner of her home. A couple large, black feathers. He froze, heartbeat shooting up to his ears and brain working double time. 

“…I found them outside, I thought I could use them to stuff my pillow-“

“Reveal yourself.”

A beat. 

“…excuse me?” she asked in a shaking voice. 

“I said: Reveal yourself,” he demanded again, hand moving back to the hilt of his sword. He glared into her corner, heart racing. 

“…John, you know I am burned-“

“In a fire that never happened?” he snapped, drawing his sword with a haunting ring.

“John-“ she pleaded.

“Do not make me repeat myself.” 

She fell silent again. Slowly, she pulled back the curtains. 

Light flooded the room, making him blink in surprise. When he finally saw her, his jaw dropped. Piercing black eyes stared back at him, full of sorrow. Two big black wings folded behind her back, sharp talons on the ends of her black fingers, and a beak-like nose adorned her features. Her skin was smoky along the edges of her hairline and small black dots littered her skin. 

John staggered backwards, faltering for a moment before putting his sword back up. Adelaide wasn’t a woman- she was a monster. His monster- the one he was sent to kill. His arm shook. He swallowed. Stepping towards her with a hateful look in his eyes. 

She looked up at him with those dark eyes, exhausted and knowing. “Can I eat my pastry before you kill me?”

Taglist:

[briwates]

Zero context WIP game ! Thank you @clawbehavior for the tag, excited to do this because I've got like 10 different wips and kept resisting the temptation to post snippets. These fics don't have definitive titles yet so the ones here are approximative descriptions

1. Ms Ji & the Kangs

“Yohan-ah, I love you, don’t cry” Isaac says, patting his baby brother’s stomach when he fusses. They’re both laying on Isaac’s bed after lunch, a bit drowsy in the early hours of the afternoon. Young-Ok watches the two as she folds laundry.

“Nanny, why does Yohan have no eyebrows ?” Isaac asks curiously.

She chuckles at the question, taking a tiny pair of socks out of the basket and folding them together. “Most babies are born without much hair, he’ll grow them later on.”

2. Conversations

Gaon swipes ‘accept call’ and props his phone against a utensil holder as Elijah’s lovely face comes into view. She has cut her hair into a bob, even bangs forming a curtain on her forehead.

“Gaon, it's an emergency ! You need to come to Geneva and do something !” Elijah’s voice immediately comes through the phone speaker, loud enough to be heard over the sound of meat sizzling on the stove. “Yohan is serious about growing that ugly mustache and the clinic receptionist keep trying to hit on him !”

3. Yohan through Isaac's photography

October 1991, Yohan showing me his teeth 

Gaon chuckles at the photo. It’s blurry like the objective had gone out of focus at the last minute. Yohan is giving the camera a smile and scrunching his nose, eyes closed under his fringe like he’s shielding them from the flash. Some milk teeth are missing from his gums, two permanent ones just peeking above the surface. He must have been no more than six or seven here.  

4. Gaon scrolls online forums

"Judge Oh, I have this file I wanted discuss with you"

Jinjoo comes up behind him to see just as he is about to unlock his computer. What greets Gaon after entering his password is the previous night's research topic brightly displayed on the screen. Shit. Carelessly, he had simply shut the laptop before going to bed, instead of closing the tabs and erasing his search history.

Panic and embarrassment seize Gaon on the spot. He's about two hundred-percent certain that Jinjoo got a glimpse of what was written on the screen. Omegaverse fanfiction of him and their boss. Gaon wants to explode.

"You have…a lot of open tabs, Judge Kim."

5. Another snippet from Conversations

“You have something under your eye”

“Hmm ?” Yohan hums, closing said eye when Gaon’s thumb gently swipes across his skin.

“Eyelash.” Gaon flicks it away “crap I should’ve told you to make a wish”

They’re laying on the couch in a tangle of limbs, Gaon on top of Yohan like a weighted blanket, chest to chest, book long abandoned on the coffee table. Kkomi is on the armrest behind Yohan’s head, sniffing at his hair. Gaon yawns into Yohan’s collar.

“We should go to bed.” Yohan says, voice hoarse.  

6. Sunah lives

It is routine until her ears catch familiar voices, ones she thought she would never hear again, along with the cries of a fussy child.

“Gaon-ah, give her to me”

Sunah turns around to see, to her surprise, peering over the café’s balcony, Kang Yohan, his niece, his former associate, passing over an agitated toddler.

“I told you we should have brought her stroller,” Kim Gaon’s reprimands are a refreshing thing to hear “She gets tired.”

“It would have been inconvenient though, with all the stairs and narrow streets.” Kang Elijah chimes in. She is on crutches now, standing just a few centimeters shy of her uncle’s height.

“That’s fine” Kang Yohan hauls up the little girl against his chest so that her head rests on his shoulder, pats her back. “Appa will be the stroller today."

Tagging @thedeviljudges if you feel like doing it !

[seravphs]

ੈ♡˳·˖✶ — DABI x FEM READER

You leave keys in doors. Dabi finds them. 

wc — 900

tags — Meet ugly, this is entirely your fault btw Dabi is in the right here lmao, quirkless au so he’s a little less fucked up in this one, or at least better at hiding it

You open the door before the twelfth knock can land. Dabi stands irate on the other side with a characteristic furrow in his brow and a snarky comment at the ready. 

“How many times have I told you-“

You’ve tuned him out already. Why bother? It’s the same thing every time. If your neighbor wasn’t so attractive, you would’ve complained to the landlord about him by now. He’s not committing any actual crime (besides being annoying), but this is around the fifth time you’ve found yourself at the end of one of his tirades. You’re seriously about to consider texting your landlord when he notices you not paying attention. 

“Hey!” He snaps his fingers in your face. “Listen when I’m telling you something!” 

You bat his hand away. “Can I have my keys back yet?” 

“Not until you get it through your thick skull that you can’t keep leaving them in your lock. You don’t know what kind of freaks-“ very ironic, you think “-live here! Do you have any idea how dangerous it is for a young woman to be living alone? You’re practically leaving your front door open!” 

“It’s not like I’m doing it on purpose,” you say defensively. You can’t help being forgetful! “Why do you care anyway?” 

“…I’m a big brother.” 

Oh, so he’s one of those types. 

“Okay, but you’re not my big brother. Have a good night!”

You shut the door in his face. 

Instead of leaving immediately, you wait. You can hear Dabi’s breathing from the other side of the door, deep and rapid like he’s still furious. For a second, you think he’s going to keep banging on the door until you open back up to hear his complaints again. It would be in character. To your surprise, you hear his silent footsteps pad back to his apartment. 

He’s usually out earlier than you are, so you skip out of your apartment without a fuss the next morning. You have no desire to get into another screaming match with him, especially not at the crack of dawn when you’re just starting to wake up. 

He doesn’t tend to bother you outside of finding your keys still in your lock when he comes home at night, so most days past by without incident. In fact, you’re just starting to feel bad for being so rude to him when the knocking starts again. 

This time, instead of hearing him out, you just slam the door open, ready to tell him to leave you alone because you can handle it yourself for the last time. He’s standing just slightly closer than he usually is, and the door pins his hand between it and the wall, crushing it. 

He yelps in pain. Horrified, you rush forward to pull back the door, but it’s too late. His fingers are turning a nasty shade of purple already, jammed from the impact. There’s a thin line of red blood dripping from where something sliced into his palm. 

“Oh my god,” your hands are fluttering around him, unsure of what to do. “I’m so sorry, come inside!” 

Dabi’s a strange sight at your kitchen table. He watches you silently as you get the first aid kit down, his dark eyes inscrutable. It’s uncomfortable to have his gaze trail you around the room. 

He’s so fussy about your keys. You wonder if he’s judging you for the dishes you left half cleaned in the sink, or the stray hairs you haven’t swept up yet. 

“Sorry,” you say again as you carefully apply cream then bandages to his poor hand. The skin is pink and swollen. He winced when you touch the two fingers that got the worst of it to wrap the gauze more securely around them. 

“It’s fine,” he says. 

“It’s not fine! You were just trying to help. I feel so bad,” you say. You know what they say - hindsight is 20/20. Sure, Dabi may have been annoying, but it all came from a good place. 

He squints at you. “Was it on purpose?” 

“Of course not!” 

“Then it’s fine,” he sighs. “Here’s your keys. Stop leaving them in your lock.” 

“Will you let me make it up to you?” 

“Don’t worry about it,” he says dismissively, already getting up to leave as you turn around to discard the plastic wrappers left over from your treatment. You’re careful to mind his injured hand as you push him back into his seat. 

“Stay. I’ll make you dinner. Think of it like my apology.” 

“There’s no need,” he says. 

You want to grab him and shake him a little. He’s so insistent about such a small thing like your keys, but when you’re trying to apologize for literally ruining his hand, he doesn’t give a damn. 

“No more arguments,” you hiss, pulling his keys out of his pocket. They’re a matching set to yours - makes sense, since you live in the same apartment. He had them on a cat keychain. 

You’re holding them hostage until he agrees. If you have to, you’ll even tie him to your kitchen chairs. You can’t just let him go without making it up to him! That’s not the woman your mother raised you to be. 

“I don’t think this is how you apologize,” he says with a raised eyebrow. “But fine. I’ll stay for dinner, but you have to let me teach you how to get out of a chokehold.”

“Seriously, Dabi?”

“If you’re going to keep forgetting your keys in the door, I’m going to make sure you’re prepared.”

[fumiku]

Chlonath wips

I have so many Chlonath art and fic wips… I am such a slow writer and I’ve had most of these written down for like 2 years, so I wanna share most of their premises now in case I never get around to them! For joy and prosperity and whatnot, if someone wants to write one of these just ask me first! Someone needs to feed the chlonath masses. My next fic is going to be the camping one I think~

My fave picks:

Your majesty: Despite his bright fiery hair, he was all too easy to erase, to fade into the background. Garish, but unmemorable. Talented, but lame. Chloe decides to change that, takes him on as a pet project as fashion coordinator. "Come on, look at yourself! That hair, those eyes. You were *made* to pop! Everyone’s eyes would turn to you when you’re in the room!" He flushes, was that how she saw him? "But I don’t *want* to be the center of attention..." She smirks confidently/slyly. "Well too bad! Chloe Bourgeois will make a peacock out of this ugly little duckling!". Much later there’s a much quieter, sweeter scene of him voicing not wanting to be that different or flashy and she takes out some accessories that suit and enhance his style, comfy and like him. Eventually oop! She rlly needs a date and it’d go with her pet project, "besides you could use this for networking". "Hm? Oh yeah, a half up half down ponytail would look cute on you, in a street kind of way. But bangs in your face can go for cool and mysterious too. It can give you some personality that goes with or contrasts with your outfit, I guess. But this *is* still a fancy event, so a simple well-groomed swept aside style would keep it prim and formal, and it *is* your first entry into high society... But I *suppose* if you do your big debut with the aesthetic you’ll keep with, it’ll probably help your brand long term, attract the right kind of contract for you right away-" "Wow, where was all this perspective when you were doing the analysis on the blue curtains?" She smirks, "I have more experience in keeping up appearances —and everything it entails— than you think, apparently"

Everything else under spoiler bc I have tons of prompts haha

Chloe becomes designer & coordinator, director, for marc & Nath’s comics! She loves outfit coordinating, set designing, composition etc. Marc handles the writing and Nath the drawing, Chloe helps with the visual design. It starts with Chloe suggesting lil things to Nath when she sees his drawings, like add a common accessory to all the team. And since she was queen bee she can fact check some things. He loses his sketchbook while walking and she picks it up, not in her usual mood, n she sees his sketches and starts rattling off about details and fashion. Nath: "oh I- I’m not very knowledgeable in fashion designing..." she looks him up and down, taking his garish outfit in. "That I could have guessed." He huffs, sarcastic "Well, *thank you*, Chloe. That’s not a half bad idea, I could ask Marinette for some designing help, actually!" He lights up at that idea. She grits her teeth, angry and snatches his sketchbook back. She starts drawing on another page and her drawing isn’t really good but the ideas? Wow, they work. Chloe knows her aesthetics. "Stupid Marinette would *not* know how to arrange queen wasp’s hair, thank you very much. Ugh, this is outrageous! Utterly outrageous! You can keep the changes, and keep your god awful awfully thought out designs out of my sight, next time!" With his open sketchbook shoved back into his hands, he stares down at it n truly appreciate it. Wow, this is some serious good job. He thinks about it, kinda smug, oh I can *definitely* play her. He starts leaving his sketchbook behind on purpose n she starts giving him more and more notes when sabrina isn’t around. At some point she comes to the art room and everyone is silent but she’s shy and makes an effort not to be mean. The art dude takes her a bit under his wing and she starts channeling her time n energy into art, peeps of the art room start tolerating her. She takes Marc under her wing confidence wise, and sabrina tags along and rediscovers a love for scrapbooking. Omll marc & sabrina besties qpr cuties?

Pas de deux: they have a random ballet class in PE and they get paired up for the project and chloe 1) wants a good grade for her dad’s rep 2) is goal-oriented 3) has much less barb when teaching. Also prob a sad side note about impressing her mother with ballet classes as a kid.

But Are the Curtains Blue or Just Your Tear-stained Veil: Nathaniel tended to notice things, notice people. To dissect them, as if they were a comicbook character. What was surprising about Chloe is that while her attitude was bolsterous and always seemed so heated, her eyes were like ice, distant. A deep blue, and curtained off, like she could not let anyone else see what they hid. But Chloe was mean and cruel, and sometimes, Nathaniel dug too deep at wasn’t there. Maybe, they were just blue. He always came back at the mystery of her, though, and was pushed and pulled in a one-sided dance with her like the come and go of waves. //Maybe they just weren’t any curtains, whatever that meant. Maybe he was making everything up. Tags: kinda like The Girl Of the Train tbh

Name ideas:

Buzz off

Sweet as honey: What chloe turns out to love in a man is how sweet he can be

Renaitre

Esquisse

Preen my feathers (peacock holder Nath + motif with Chloe & appearances)

Quick ideas:

"I’ve spent so long hoping to be saved, that it feels weird to save people."

Chloe realizes her mother will never love her, or even respect her. Everything changes. //She lets herself be and experience pain and failure

By fake dating chlonath can make adrienette jealous! A scene: chloe tightens her grip on his arm with a crestfallen gaze at adrienette, nath is like ...? and realize Chloe hated Marinette bc abandonment issues

Sabrina chews chloe out and is done with her when they were on an outing, chloe runs into the nearest building, a museum, to hide and cry her eyes out. She bumps into Nath, and a friendship goes from there.

Ever since nath learned chloe is queen bee, he calls her stuff like yes your stinginess.

Nath brings chloe to a emo concert to throw her off, all hell breaks loose. (She likes it)

Two works linked together, one from chloe pov about nath n the other vice versa. "It’s wicked how sweet you are" and "it’s sweet how wicked you are"

Impression, soleil levant: they have a run in in the museum. Chloe genuinely likes fine art. Nath likes popping color, lineart, contrast and stylistic appeal, more contemporary stuff. Chloe really like impressionism, it calms her down, she could spend a lot of time just watching a painting. When she was a kid her dad would bring her when talking business at the louvre so she ran off with Jean and she knows the museum very well.

Chloe’s dad keeps bothering her about rules and standards and finding a partner, so Chloe resolves to find the lamest lousiest boyfriend. To make a statement, of course, she tells herself so when her eyes keep flicking to the redhead sitting at the back of the class.

What better way to learn to be vulnerable with each other than ice skating, when you’re both awful at it? A date <3

She points out a panel with queen bee when he’s doodling it, she has no context she just chilling "why is her hair down?" Nath answers without missing a beat "It’s a metaphor for vulnerability".

Nath starts disappearing quietly to places more and more, now that he has a miraculous. Chloe susses him out. W-what?? How did you notice it? Nobody ever pays attention to me- Ugh, you’re *impossible* to miss with that fluorescent hair of yours. Well you’re the only person who pays attention to it, apparently. Hah, blame my superior eyes if you must. Well if *I’m* what your superior eyes choose to watch then- U-um, we’re getting sidetracked! W-what are you doing here! Reverse universe where she’s still denied being queen bee so she’s Nath’s sidekick? He doesn’t really have any friends besides Marc which not in this universe bc it comes before, so he wouldn’t have anyone else so lowkey he’s grateful. He notices her really truly changing for the better as they hang out more.

I dig my hole, you build a wall: As Chloe Bourgeois doubles down on being an irredeemable bully, Queen Bee continues to rise on a pedestral of adoration. It doesn’t help, nothing ever does, and it’s getting harder to make herself ignore how miserable she is. Chloe drowns herself in her superhero job, squeezes every drop of appreciation from her fans she can. Nath happens to be one of them, hardcore. She just needs someone to lean on.

26/11/‘22 Chloe gets akumatized into a dollhouse lover like with her teddybear mr cuddles, and she wants to kidnap some ppl and keep them like dolls to play with her and listen to her every want and choice of activities. Sabrina is mad at her so elle la boude. She picks Nath and they have a tea party isolated at Le grand paris etc etc. Maybe after Adrien cuts it off with Chloe so she freaks out amd wants friends, even if toxic controlling, but she’s not shooting for Adrien bc she’s upset at him and ignores him.

Outlined:

He forgets some comic pages behind, vs queen wasp, and goes back to get them and finds chloe reading them intensely, seeming genuinely invested. She’s lowkey having a panic attack n shoos off an akuma?? He’s shocked, but that requires introspection so in the moment he’s doubtful and bitter. She’s panicced and embarrassed about having been found out. He’s like, wtf was so upsetting about my comic?? Jealous of my art? Mad that something isn’t about you? Angry that I have talent and dreams, unlike you? she flinches. She upsetti "you wouldn’t understand." "Oh, try me. I have experience in being put down, after all." He bites coldly. She explains half-heartedly "Oh, here comes the self-pity." Her lips quiver, she looks down. "You’re right. It is self-pity. I’m miserable." The "and I have no one else to pity me but me" is muttered so quietly. Her fists clench, chin tucked in her torso. Then her gaze hardens and she snaps her head up. "Whatever." He blocks her way out. She grits dangerously "*Out*. Of. The way." Her eyes prickle with tears. He doesn’t even flinch "That won’t work today." She’s so close to snapping violently but instead just cries. Blabla "Yeah well, when you’ve dug a hole as deeply as I have, you can’t get out. Not without a miracle, anyways." She says, you could do one about queen bee next, please. N leaves quietly and he’s never seen her so... non-agressive.

Entracte/solo act: Picking on Nathaniel Kurtzberg when alone with him, Chloe found, was a much different experience than humiliating him in public. It turns out, he only unleashes his fury on the most deserving of private audiences. Notes: I headcanon Nath, bc of the reflekto ep, would stand up for himself more if he wasn’t being bullied in public. I feel like having all the eyes on him motivates him to shut up and try to make the ordeal as brief as possible & leave the situation, so when he’s alone and getting sass he has less qualms about snapping and ripping into ppl lol. Chloe goes to the art room and Nath is alone in it. He asks where Sabrina is, she rolls her eyes "She had *something important* to attend to." She goes to see what he’s working on and makes her snide remarks as usual but unlike usual he snaps and rips into her, she loses her haughty attitude real quick. The next time they make eye contact in class, she grimaces and looks away. He wins. But then she gets a fire and glares at him head on. Let the war truly begin. 

To Nathaniel’s and Choe’s horror, the class goes on a mandatory camping trip. It does not go well for either of them. "Um, I’m sorry mme Bustier but I won’t be able to come. I’m sick, yes, cough cough, how unfortunate." Bustier is not amused. She groans when it’s announced they’ll have a camping trip. Nath keeps his in, but for once they agree on something. Ugh.  Nath just wants to draw in his tent, that’s too much to ask??!

Royalties: nath finds out chloe is queen bee and threatens to tell it to everyone so that ladybug will take her miraculous away. In exchange for his secret, Chloe must praise him and his art on her social media, throw his name in at fancy soirées, become his "fan". To Nath’s surprise and Chloe’s horror, it backfires. Royally. Her "Nath is so cool" post was half advertizing half for public humiliation. Being the daughter of the mayor of one of the most famous cities in the world meant she has a lot of followers, quite a few in the elite sphere of Paris. The post’s a bit rebellious on her end because he doesn’t like her calling him Nath. Since Chloe *never* praises anyone and the tone was overeager/affectious, people start theorizing they’re actually dating. He takes the logical leap to be invited by her at an event, but as a plus one because it’s not her party to invite people at. Normally he wouldn’t want to have anything to do with a fancy party, but he begrudgingly has to admit networking is very important as an artist, plus he’d do it to piss off Chloe alone.

Vampire au!! Summary: Beyond her humanity, which Chloe had never truly cared about anyway, becoming a vampire hadn’t really, concretely, taken away anything from her. She was still rich, loved by all of Paris, and beautiful. And yet, she realized then that she had lost herself without knowing when.  //Chloe has been a vampire for a lil while, very upset. Mr cuddly is also a reminder of her past life. She longs to see herself again, she has had to keep out of the spotlight because she has no reflection and can’t be taken a picture of, she asks Nath to draw her like in Mirror, Mirror the awesome fic which I recommend! Nath finds out her new identity so he becomes tied up in it all, he’s the only one who knows so he becomes who she feeds on. "I can pay you. What do you want? A thousand euros per night? The latest drawing tablets? A gallery showing? Publishing deal? Just help me." Right from the start she feeds off from his neck despite his hesitance. She goes "a wrist? Are you kidding me? I settle for nothing but the best." But the reality is she just wants to feel close to someone, one time the bite turns into a hug crying session. -"... Does that mean my blood is the tastiest?" She’s shaken at that, "That- was *not* what I was implying. It’s not like I would know, anyways." She huffs n looks away. "Your blood is... satisfactory." He smirks, from her, that’s a huge compliment. He can just hear it in his mind "My taste buds are only the most refined!! I can tolerate only but the best!!" She does tell him he’s sweaty n stinks the first time tho. He has to hide his neck bite, ppl tease him about hickeys. At some point a classmate figures out it’s chloe that gives him his hickeys and Nath has to damage control and people start sussing they’re a couple.

No lullaby: No one liked her, but she could dream, couldn’t she? The delusions she lulled herself to had never really been dreams, but maybe to reborn anew she could find a lullaby in someone new, too. // based on the song No Lullaby by Siamés. Also La la la by Jason Chen Akuma that calls itself Lullaby, it was made because they have to move away from their parents or smth like that, so it lashes out and makes all kinds of kiddy & wholesome parenthood stuff. It turns people into happy kids/babies by tapping into childhood memories of parents(something like that), but doesn’t affect Chloe. Because Chloe never had her parents be around much, or them being much like parents at all. Chloe is fighting as Queen Bee, of course, in an AU where people know who she is but Ladybug still trusts her to want not to smear her family name by being a bad superhero. "I could be a superhero and my mother still wouldn’t blink my way... Oh, sorry, that actually happened, not much for an hypothetical." Everyone stares at her in shock. "What? I can have a smart vocabulary!" People look at her with pity and sympathy. "T-that’s not it..." Chat says. Anyways they’re fighting it and a lot of other miraculous holders get hit and she does too but is immune bc it taps into their happy parents childhood memories, meanwhile it’s only able to conjure up her plushie for her. Anyways so she gets swinged up to a rooftop where Nathaniel is sitting and drawing Queen Bee, he jolts and goes "Q-quee-Chloe?" but they don’t have much time since the akuma comes swinging in too and gets Nath under its spell. She carries around baby!Nath around because for some reason she feels a sort of duty to people she knows irl. She goes to the building the other holders are in or something but still ends up alone with Nath since everyone got affected, she panics as her miraculous beeps and she’s alone to fix everything, but Nathaniel draws with his fine art colored pencils like kids use crayons and does tons of kiddy imaginative drawings, and starts humming, bringing her out of her torpor. As the tune calms her, she does a “what would Ladybug do?”, "Ugh, I could have used Evillustrator right about now." She strategizes on how to break the spell over Ladybug for purification, and goes in to break the akuma item holder. When Nathaniel comes to, he’s mad to have ruined his pencils, now with blunt deformed tips, but then he looks at his sketchbook in utter confusion he sees pages and pages of kid’s drawings, recognizing his own infantile style, but the most curious are that some drawings include Queen Bee. His feelings are conflicted and he wants to know what happened, but dreads asking her, but he laughs at a drawing of him pulling her ponytail, and stills at the one of her hugging him. End notes: Next time Queen Bee gets swung onto his rooftops by an akuma, Nath jolts but responds to that adrenaline by crossing his leg over his other knee and raising an eyebrow over half-lidded eyes: "Somehow, I’m not surprised." You know, like sometimes when people flirt as fight or flight response lmao.

22/2/‘23 Chloe was trying really hard to be kind like a true superhero now, and with the birthday of her classmate Nathaniel coming up she would have to, painstakingly, do everything in her power to give him the best gift ever. One problem is, she doesn’t really know him, like, at all. She asks him what he likes. She thinks of supherhero stuff and art stuff. She doesn’t know about drawing tablets so she’s like, what about this professional drawing desk I’ll have my bodyguard carry? As if everyone has the privilege to have the space for a new furniture on a whim. She asks Sabrina for help like this close to a meltdown, maybe even Marinette: "The fool was in love with you, don’t you know anything about him that could help??" And then at the end shes like "omg. I can get him an interview with Queen Bee!" Ooh does she get akumatized with some gifter gimmick? Would be neat but naaah. Maybe two parts, idk what the end should be! Copic markers maybe

[0-r-a-y-0]

Hair Dye— Romantic #5

In which: Jasper and Nick do each other’s hair. (And they re-dye Nick’s hair)

Also I imagine Jasper looking like Dominic Fike but like…a metalhead idk.

I had a oneshot planned before this and was supposed to be posted last night but I hated it so much. Anyways for Nick dying his hair red, here I present…this thingy.

Expect a lot of hair oneshots in the future because I love writing about hair

“You get the dye?” Jasper asked, entering the bathroom with some hair supplies.

“Yeah, I bought it earlier.” Nick responds, showing him the bag.

“What color is it?” He quizzed.

“A dark red color. I was thinking about doing a bright red but I don’t know.” The other shrugged.

“Well, I think you would look adorable and hot with any color. Do what you want to do with it.” Jasper said, looking Nick in the eyes as he laid a hand upon his cheek. They share a quick kiss, not wanting the moment fade away.

“How do we do this?” Nick wondered.

“Like you don’t know.” Jasper playfully rolled his eyes.

“I do know what I’m doing…kinda.” The blonde replied. “Just want to be sure I’m one hundred percent correct.”

“Ugh, what would you do without me?” The curly haired boy asked sarcastically.

“I probably wouldn’t be as happy as I am now that’s for damn sure.” Nick quickly responded.

“Same here. I love spending all my time with you.” Jasper added. “Well anyways, let’s get this over with before you decide to change you mind.”

“Yeah, let’s get on with it.” He stated, taking the hair dye out the bag.

“Do your brothers know about this?” The other wondered.

“Nope, not at all. Had Laura drive me to the hair place and help pick out the color. It’s gonna be a surprise.” Nick claimed.

“Alright, first we got to section your hair.” Jasper confirmed. “Sit in the chair.”

“Wow, what are you? A hair stylist now?” The blonde teased, almost amused.

“Well, I know how to do hair. I’ve dyed my own hair many times so I know from experience.” He confirmed. “Now sit down in the chair I brought in here for you.”

Nick sits down and Jasper immediately gets to work with parting his hair. The bottom, mid-section, and his bands out. Most of his bangs were clipped to the side, a small part actually out. Jasper puts latex gloves on mixes the dye before applying it to the small part of bangs out. He then foils it before bringing out another small section of his bangs, repeating the process and taking the last section of his hands out of the clip. Afterwards, he clips sections on his mid-section, redoing everything and doing the exact thing with the bottom of his hair. Making sure he got all of his hair, he goes over a few parts and setting a timer after.

“Okay, let’s wait thirty minutes and we’ll check it and we’ll decide what to do from there.” Jasper suggested.

“Alright, seems good.” Nick replied. “What do you want to do until then?”

“It don’t matter. We can watch a movie, thought I don’t think you wanna be on your bed with unprocessed hair dye in your hair.” The tan skinned boy said.

“Yeah…” The taller boy trailed off. “I think I got an idea.” He smiled, running his fingers in Jasper’s hair. “How about I do your hair?”

“Yeah, sure. Just don’t brush it out because…”

“…Because it’ll make your hair frizzing and “ugly” and you’ll have to get a shower to fix it.” Nick interrupted.

Jasper smiled. “You know me so well.” He leans in for a kiss, their lips melting together in harmony before pulling away.

“Hell yeah I do.”

Nick gets up, instructing Jasper to sit in the chair. He grabs a chunk of his hair, twisting it around his finger playfully before taking a rubber band and tying it up on his head, then evening it out on the other side; giving the boy pig tails. Nick quickly takes his phone out, taking a few pictures (and not forgetting to do a point five) before letting Jasper see.

“Is that really all you wanted to do?” He giggled.

“Maybe. Thought you’d look cute.” Nick smirked.

They waited the rest of the time out, talking and kissing until the timer went off. Nick gets back into the chair and Jasper takes part of the foil off on the first strip he did and making sure it was okay with Nick. They decided to wait another fifteen minutes, and when Nick agreed that it was the color he wanted, the rinsed the color out in the shower. Nick just standing there shirtless as Jasper helped shampoo his hair and making sure it was good before applying leave in conditioner. They blow dry and brush his hair and making it his usual hair style before showing Chris and Matt. Turns out, they loved it. And they spent the rest of the night taking pictures and making tiktoks before relaxing for the rest of the night.

[wisteriasymphony]

TWEOS - Ch46 preview

(to everyone still keeping up with this, I'm so sorry!! this chapter has been difficult to finish for no good reason :,) ADHD go brr.)

(CW: homophobic/transphobic/ableist slurs)

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"CLAUDIA GUADALUPE FUCKING PERREAULT, YOU OPEN THIS GODDAMN DOOR RIGHT NOW!"

Adrien had never heard Marthe's voice before. It certainly wasn't ideal that the first time for it was hearing her shout at Claudia while banging her fists on the locked door to the apartment's only bathroom.

Claudia and Adrien had fallen asleep—if only for a few hours—in Claudia's bathtub. It was surreal, and Adrien felt aches in places he didn't even know had feeling, but what hurt the most was having to let go of Claudia when he got up to get the door.

"I SWEAR TO GOD, YOU ACT LIKE YOU'RE THE ONLY DAMN PERSON IN THIS HOUSE—"

"I'll be out in a fucking minute! ¡Callate!"

Claudia slammed the door just as quickly as she had opened it. Marthe was now shaking the doorknob as she shouted.

"DO NOT USE THAT MAN'S LANGUAGE IN THIS HOUSE! —YOU'RE HIDING SOMEONE IN THERE, YOU LITTLE RETARD! AND WHEN I FIND HIM, YOU'LL SURE AS HELL GET—"

Adrien open the door this time. As Marthe reached her hand in, he grabbed her wrist. To put it simply, Marthe Perreault was that odd blend of disgustingly ugly and conventionally attractive—long lashes on slightly bulging eyes, crow's feet and smile lines on a perfectly shaped face, sleek straight hair in an unflattering bun, so on and so forth. Not like it mattered either which way, of course.

Adrien mustered up what little he had left of that princely, elegant voice he used in commercials: 

"She's done nothing wrong. I'll be on my way shortly."

Marthe was taken aback, but only for a moment. She ripped her hand from his grip, before staring daggers into Claudia. It meant two things: One, Marthe had made the correct assumption that Claudia had bagged a 'wealthy boy' and incorrectly assumed that she had done so purely with her body; And two, that Marthe thought Claudia had intentionally set this 'boy friend' up against her for spurious reasons. 

"You better," Marthe spat. "And if I hear in the news she's gotten some boy like you—"

"Mom, it's not like that," Claudia lied. "She's just a friend of mine."

"Emilie," he added on. "I just needed to stay the night."

"...A dyke, then." Marthe had gotten to the point where she had lost all interest. “Or one of those transvestites. …Get your ass out of here before I call the police.”

So, they made their way out the door—Adrien first, then Claudia after once she’d packed a messenger bag full of supplies. Things that weren’t as valuable as the usual array: A bottle of water, the last snacks left in the house, an extra scarf, so on and so forth. Not like it would’ve been stolen either way, given that Adrien always made sure to be on the same side as it when they walked together so the bag would be sandwiched between them. It meant he could get a closer look at the bag, too—This faded charcoal leather with rustled buckles and decorated with plastic pins, a brooch of cranberries, a Tokio Hotel pinback button, worn corners on the edges of the bag, nicks and scratches on the sides…

“Why Emilie?” Claudia asked. She had to turn around to talk to him, the both of them stopped on the stairs of the second floor.

“…I don’t know,” he replied, even though he very much did. “Just a reflex. I used to get called it a lot as a little kid,” Adrien gestured to demonstrate about how tall he was at that point in time, which was about to his hips. “So I just got comfortable with it, y’know?” Another lie. It made him sick that he’d used it himself after all this time. “…it stopped happening around when my mom died.”

“Wasn’t Emilie your mom’s name anyways?”

“…Yeah. That’s what I mean.” Plus, it mostly happened when he and his mother were in the same room. Mostly by photographers at that, sometimes by relatives, occasionally his own father. That last part he could never really explain to himself.

They both started walking again, nearly out the door. 

“Sorry about my mom, by the way. I don’t know what I was thinking.”

“No, no, it’s fine,” Adrien said. “At least I was called something new this time. After all, once people stopped calling me Emilie, they started calling me a—“

“...faggot?”

“…Yeah. That word.” Adrien wasn’t sure if he was grateful that he didn’t have to say it or offended that she did.

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tags: @myriadmi @cutepastelstarsalior @dayochoco

(these are just people i cross-referenced with the ao3 kudos! if you want to be added to the list or taken off, please tell me!)

[maddieautobot273]

Silk & Cologne (14)

A Miguel O’Hara x OC Series - Link to AO3 (X)

Chapter 14 - Calm - previous chapter (X)

Pairing: Miguel O’Hara x Female OC

Words: 2.7K+ words

Warnings: PG13 for intense violence/action, and brief/minor description of assault

Summary: it’s the calm after the storm. Will things change between Lisa and Miguel. 

////////

Miguel’s P.O.V. - 20 minutes ago

Miguel didn’t think. The second he emerged on the edge of the rooftop of a building across from Lisa’s apartment and his enhanced eyes peered through the window seeing a version of himself standing over Lisa, he snapped. 

The talons broke through as he snarled, erupting a roar as he fired his web shooters, the red glowing hue of his web sling sticking to the floor as it flew through her window. 

“Get your shocking hands- OFF OF HER!” 

He catapulted himself forward, his body flying through the open window as he soared into the apartment and tackled the imposter off of Lisa. Their bodies tumbled, banging into the front door before toppling to the floor. Miguel was much quicker to react as he grabbed his twin by the collar and slammed him into the door before punching his gut and face senselessly. 

He then grabbed him by the shoulders and tossed him to the side, throwing him into the kitchen as his body glided over the kitchen counter and toppled to the floor, knocking over various objects and appliances. 

“Lisa, RUN!” His red feral eyes poured into hers, begging her to listen. 

He caught the sight of her scrambling to her feet, making a break for the window before the groaning of his doppelganger snapped his attention towards the kitchen. His mask re-emerged on his face. If things weren’t ugly before, it was about to get a lot more ugly now, and he would rather not get blood splatter on his face and scare Lisa more than she already was, rightfully so. 

The doppelganger’s groans turned into a coughing fit of dark laughter as he pulled himself up to his feet. They both stalked in a circle around the kitchen counter, watching each other. 

“Not a bad trick there,” Miguel complimented. “You really caught me by surprise,”

“Cut the bullshit, pendejo,” Miguel growled. “It took a hot minute to piece everything together, but this stops now. Take the mask off, Chameleon,” - stupid

The doppelganger stopped his pacing, watching Miguel closely. He laughed again, before slowly reaching for his hair, getting a firm grip on it before he pulled his incredibly lifelike face mask off. He revealed a white metal plate mask that completely covered his face except his eyes and mouth. 

Chameleon laughed again, his accent morphing into a Russian one. “Zdravstvuyte, mister O'Khara,” - Hello, Mr. O’Hara

“How long have you been a mole for Osborne?” Miguel interrogated, his teeth snaring as he tried to fight the urge to flash his fangs. 

“Long enough to gather all the intel that I needed,” Chameleon shrugged his shoulders with a care-free expression. 

“Tell me what you know,” Miguel demanded, raising his voice as the veins on his neck looked like they were on the cusp of popping. “NOW!”

“No can do, O’Hara. My lips are sealed,” Chameleon chuckled softly. “But I will tell you this,” 

Chameleon glanced down at himself, taking in his arms as the rest of his body still wore Miguel’s suit and took on his appearance. Miguel could hear the grin on his face as he spoke. 

“Mr. Osborne was kind enough to give me a little upgrade. So now when I disguise myself, I don’t just copy their looks or their voice. I gain their strength,” Chameleon snickered as he cracked his neck before rolling his shoulders in a threatening manner. “Your strength,”

Miguel growled at him as his claws sharpened, his back muscles tensing as he watched Chameleon closely, waiting for his move. 

“When I’m done with you, I’ll show Lisa just how strong I can be,” Chameleon threatened. 

Miguel leapt before he could say anything else. His mask snapped over his face and he was on top of Chameleon before he could breathe another word. They fought in close combat, throwing punches, kicks, and clawing at each other. Miguel quickly realized he wasn’t joking. He really did have his strength. But Chameleon didn’t have his brains either. 

“As if I’d let you go anywhere near her again!” He yelled, punching him in the face as his fist connected with the metal mask. 

It made a dent into it as Chameleon toppled over the couch and smashed into the coffee table, breaking it. Chameleon coughed harshly, rolling off his back. “Did I strike a nerve? I thought after losing your daughter, you’d be incapable of love?”

Miguel snarled at him, his eyes glowing red under his mask. “¡¿Qué acabas de decirme?!” - What did you just say to me?! 

“If you thought hearing her screams was bad, don’t worry, I’ll make sure when Lisa screams for you again, it will be much worse,” Chameleon bellowed with an evil laugh. 

Miguel roared at him as he tackled him, the pair exchanging more blows. As he punched and clawed at him and blocked his own attacks, he hated that what he was saying was right. Losing Gabriella was painful in every sense of the word. He knew how cold and crass he had become after that and how difficult he could be. 

But when Lisa looked at him. He wasn’t sure what it was. But he felt his ice cold heart melt away bit by bit. Maybe he was incapable of love, but with Lisa, he felt he had a second chance at it. No matter what form it took, no matter how small. That was why Miguel fought to protect her. 

“Lyla, do you have his Gizmo frequency?” Miguel growled as he punched Chameleon in the gut. Hard. 

“Yes!” Lyla popped up. “Opening a portal now!”

“What?!” Chameleon snarled. 

A portal opened up at their side as Miguel grabbed Chameleon but the collar and with a heavy heave, hoisted him up into the air, his feet dangling.  

“I needed to distract you long enough to allow Lyla to hack and steal back access to that Gizmo you stole from me,” Miguel glared daggers into his soul. 

He reached out, snatching the Gizmo from his wrist. 

“You won’t be needing that anymore,” Miguel said harshly. “I better not see your face in this dimension again,”

He then tossed Chameleon through the portal back to Earth-1997. He didn’t care where, so long as he was stuck there for the rest of his miserable life. Lyla quickly closed the portal shortly after that. 

“I’ve blocked that dimension’s frequency. They can’t use their Gizmo’s or day passes to get here or Spider-Society HQ anymore,” Lyla spoke quickly. 

Miguel breathed heavily, his chest rising and falling. “Thank you, Lyla,” 

Miguel looked around, seeing the state of the apartment. Such a mess. He hated that he had a part in that. He’d make it up to Lisa. Make it good as new. Better even. 

Lisa. . .  

“Lyla, where is Lisa?” Miguel asked as his gaze went to the window that she climbed out of, his face filled with worry. 

“Her Gizmo coordinates says she’s up on the roof,” 

Miguel was already on the move before Lyla could finish. 

//////////

Lisa’s P.O.V. - now 

Miguel carried me back inside, not wanting me to slip on the slippery water coated steps of the fire escape. We were both soaking wet from the rain, but that was the least of our worries. The cops would be at my door any minute now. As Miguel searched for a towel, I took in the state of the apartment and my heart sunk. 

There was no hiding the look on my face from Miguel as he squeezed my shoulder gently before pulling his cape away and swapping it with a towel, gently drying off my cheeks. 

“Here, dry yourself off and change quickly, if you can,” he spoke softly. 

“Thank you,” I spoke softly in response, watching as he pulled the curtain back, and I briefly shivered at the memory of his evil twin doing the same thing. 

But Miguel was more gentle, and caring as he motioned for me to sit down, making sure I was okay before pulling the curtain closed again gently to give me my privacy. As I dried myself off, I heard ruffling as he shuffled about. He was trying to clean up some of the mess. 

Lord, bless him, I sighed softly as I tried to dry myself off as best I could. My suit was soaked, and even if I could dry myself off completely, the suit would become damp at best. After drying myself off as best I could, I tugged and pulled the damp spider suit off of my body, changing into another set of pajamas. 

“Lyla, initiate casual clothes protocol,” Miguel commanded. “Nothing too flashy, alright?”

“Got it, boss!” Lyla’s voice chirped through the room. 

I saw a quick flash of blue through the curtain, startling me. I peeked through the curtain after I finished changing and found Miguel no longer wearing his spider suit. He wore a gray sweater with a white tank top underneath, long gray sweat pants and slip on sneakers. 

I wasn’t sure what I was more impressed with. The fact that he was wearing actual clothes other than his spider suit, or that he made the illusion fit so that those clothes were also damped and soaked with water. My eyes trailed down to his tank top, the water damping the fabric just enough to tease a look at his skin. 

“Miguel. . .” I stepped out of my room, my voice calling out to him.

He turned quickly to face me, his cheeks flushing a light shade of pink, “Hey!” He quickly shook off the nerves. “How are you feeling? Does this look convincing enough or–?”

“No, no, I think–” I waved my hands reassuringly at him as my lips smiled softly at him. “I think it suits you just fine,” 

Miguel smiled softly back as he walked over towards me, making sure the towel was still safely tucked around me. He briefly took another look around the apartment again. “I, uh, I’ll try to fix all of this,” 

“It wasn’t your fault, Miguel,” I reassured him as I gently squeezed his hand. “But I would appreciate the help in cleaning up,” 

“Gladly,” He nodded before groaning with annoyance. “Once all this shocking mess is done,” 

Shocking? That’s right, in the comics, that what he says to replace saying– 

“Miguel, incoming footsteps down the hall,” Lyla warned. 

Miguel gave me a reassuring look, his large fingers brushing damp locks of my hair away from my face, “Do you trust me?”

“I do,” I nodded. 

Miguel guided me to a loveseat chair that wasn’t broken or smashed from the fight and set me down gently just as a knock came at the door. “NYPD, open up!”

“Stay there,” He gently commanded me before breathing heavily, ruffling his hair with his hands as he psyched himself up. Miguel opened the door and a pair of New York City officers stood in the hallway. “Officers, thank goodness you’re here!”

“We got a call about a disturbance here,” The male officer explained as he tilted his head to the side, spotting me. “May we come in?”

“Yes, please,” Miguel gulped in some air as he stepped aside, allowing the two cops to walk in. 

They took in the state of the apartment as the female cop slowly walked over towards me, a calm expression on her face. “Miss, is this your apartment?”

I nodded firmly, my body trembling slightly at their presence. “Yes,” 

“Can you tell us what happened? We received calls of screaming, and fighting?” The female officer asked me as I could see the male officer glance over at Miguel and I could see the look in his eyes. He was already thinking it was him. 

Well, not quite far off. 

“I was getting ready for bed, changing while–” I glanced over at Miguel and he gave me a calm, reassuring nod before I continued, “-my boyfriend stepped out to smoke. I thought it was him coming back through the window and when I turned–” I choked out a sob as I recalled what had happened in my mind and I pulled the towel over me a little bit tighter. 

“Was it someone else in your apartment?” The female officer wager a guess as she placed a comforting hand on my shoulder, kneeling beside me. 

“Some psycho,” I sniffled, tears perking up in my eyes. “I screamed, calling for help. If he didn’t come back when he did, I think that guy might have–”

“It’s alright, I think we understand,” The female officer nodded firmly before she glanced over at her partner. 

“You’re the boyfriend?” The male officer finally spoke. 

“Miguel O’Hara,” He nodded. 

“Can you explain what happened from your point of view, Mr. O’Hara?” The officer asked. 

“I stepped outside to take a smoke, get some fresh air,” Miguel brushed a hand through his hair, his body tense as he looked at me with guilt written eyes. “It’s my fault, I left the window open and I thought I was the only one out there,”

“So the fight was you attacking him for breaking in?” The male officer asked. 

“Yes,” Miguel sighed, taking in a steady breath. “I tackled him off her and we threw some punches. He was. . .  out of his mind,” 

The officer looked around and noticed a bloody rag on the counter. It was only then did I notice Miguel’s bloody knuckles. Oh my god. . . 

“So you knocked enough sense into him that he took off after?” The officer raised a brow. 

“Where did you go, miss while they were fighting?” The female officer asked, noticing my damp appearance. 

“I ran out the window and climbed the fire escape to the roof. I couldn’t handle seeing the fighting so Miguel told me to run. I hid there and watched the intruder run back out the way he came,” I explained. A half lie but a partial truth. 

“Did you see where he took off?” She asked. 

I shook my head. “No, the storm made it impossible for me to see him clearly, but I could hear him going down the fire escape,” 

The male officer walked over to the window, taking a peek outside as his eyes scanned the fire escape. “It’s gonna be hard getting solid footprints with this rain,” He took out a notebook and pen, walking back over to Miguel. “Can you describe him?”

I listened as Miguel described the intruder to the officer. He mentioned a Russian accident before going into physical details. 

The female officer regained my attention as she cleared her throat. “We’ll do what we can to keep an eye out for this creep. You’ve never met that man before until tonight?” 

“No, it was completely random,” I shook my head. 

“Well, if it’s random, I think the odds of him coming back here are very slim, especially since you got your knight in shining armor with you,” she smiled reassuringly.

I smiled softly at her before my gaze turned to Miguel, admiring his face. More like my Spider-Man in a glowing nanotech spandex suit but close enough. 

 “Okay, I think that’s everything for now,” The male officer cleared his throat. “We’ll alert your neighbors who called that the danger has passed,” 

“Thank you, officers,” I nodded in appreciation.

Miguel politely escorted the officers out of the apartment and shut the door behind them. The room was quiet except for the rain falling outside. Miguel’s footsteps were gentle as he calmly walked towards me, his clothing hologram fizzling out as he changed back into his spider suit, kneeling beside me. Only then did I turn towards him. 

“Are you okay?” He asked calmly. 

Tears perked in my eyes as I closed the shut, lowering my head. He gently reached a hand out and cradled the back of my head. “Better now that you’re here,” I answered quietly. 

His fingers curled ever so tightly after hearing the pain in my voice, his thumb gently rubbing against my hair. “What do you need?”

I managed enough courage to look into his eyes, tears streaming down my cheeks. “Can I. . . stay at HQ tonight?” 

“Of course,” He sighed in relief. “You rest. I’ll pack a bag,”

I nodded softly as he gently moved away before talking over towards my small bedroom nook, finding my duffel bag and putting it aside on the bed. I watched calmly as he packed a change of clothes, putting my damp spider suit in a plastic bag before tying it and throwing it in the bag. As I watched him, my heart fluttered again. 

After tonight. . . how different would things become between us? 

We’re now officially passed the stage of tolerable, respect-earned, acquaintances. 

////////

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[unohanabbygirl]

Thread on the hairstyles of everyone in FMN because why not?

Starting off strong (get it?) we have Jace who’ve I’ve granted grace and given a nice standard haircut. Anything too short is a no for him and mullets give the guy war flashbacks so this is his comfort look.

Out of all the Stark men his hair is the least curly, more wavy than anything but if he grew it out there would be a lot more bounce to it. Thankfully he’s kept up with the family tradition and decided to retain some nice length. Whenever Baela’s board she cornrows it just to see how red his scalp will turn from irritation.

One time she posted her work to twitter but made sure to let everyone know he’s legally biracial so it’s fine.

Next in we have baby Joffrey who’s hair is the curliest out of both his brothers plus Harwin. Its got some natural highlights and is very bouncy. The kid loves his hair even though he likes to act as if it’s whatever and hides the dozens of haircare products beneath the bathroom sink. He’s a shea-moister and curling cream junkie but don’t let him hear you say it because he’ll deny, deny, deny and insist his hair just looks like that fresh out of bed. Not his fault he’s gods favorite.

One time he posted a thirst trap to his story while his hair was wet as he was straight out of the shower because he finally added a girl he’d been crushing on to his close friends. Sadly, he forgot his sister’s were in his close friends as well which led to him getting screen shotted and made fun of 😔

Mama Rhaenyra! Ugh, her hair is everything, very reminiscent of the stereotypical 90’s bombshell. Think Anna Nicole Smith but Pamala Anderson whenever she goes for an updo.

Nyra keeps her hair around shoulder length but will grow it out a few inches in the winter/fall before going back to the salon to get some length cut off because she misses the bob. Loves hairspray like its her best friend and thinks dry shampoo is the holy grail of all hair products. The love this woman has for her hair was passed on through Joffrey and everyone knows it.

She’ll cry and be down in the dumps for the rest of the day if her salon trip leaves her with harsher layers than she wanted (me too babes, me too)

Rhaena said she was serving cunt once after getting some minor highlights + a blowout and hasn’t stopped smiling since.

Laena! What can I say? She’s a simple woman.

Her hair is always giving effortless but takes a bunch of time and heavy maintenance. Its the perfect combo between that messy running across the beach look while still very glamorous. She isn’t big on big brands or factory made products like some people… so her main hair care items are water based, all natural things like olive oil and rice water, and only applies heat every once in a blue moon. The last time an actual hair dryer ever touched her hair was when the twins were still in middle school.

Very simple woman when it comes to styles, likes a pretty low bun with a few strands pulled in front of her face and if she’s feeling adventurous will clip on a faux bang that she styled to match her hair since she’s too afraid to commit to cutting real ones. (Again, me too.)

Baela is my favorite because I’m a sucker for women with short hair. No woman has ever looked ugly with short hair and thats that.

Baela has never cared for long hair mainly because she’s a sports girl so its very hot. Plus she can’t keep a hair tie for shit, you could buy her a pack of 100 elastic hair ties and they’d all go missing in a month tops. Another reason she rather keep it shaved down is because its not as much hassle, however she’ll have her moments where she chooses to grow it out because she loves the 90’s Halle Berry and Nia Long vibe that comes with short hair on the longer side when its all styled up.

Currently her hair looks closer to the style on the left but will prob go back to something similar to the cut on the right soon.

Gonna make a part two and three because I can’t add more pictures 😭

[tazzstrickland]

    paragraph  featuring  events  in  the  life  of  taz  strickland  .  this  involves  mature  &  triggering  content  in  relation  to  childhood  abuse  /  dv  .  

five . 

           they  sit  at  the  table  ,  jelly  slippy  on  spoons  as  it  splodges  into  the  pots  ,  slimey  substance  that  makes  taz  scrunch  up  his  nose  .  “  what  the  fuck  is  this  shit  ?  “  dad  says  ,  he  slams  his  own  pot  against  the  table  ,  an  erupting  wobble  ;  tala  screaming  .  mom  jumps  up  from  the  table  ,  she  reaches  for  tala  then  stops  .  she’s  doing  that  thing  again  ,  taz  stares  at  the  jelly  on  his  spoon  ,  his  eyes  splintered  with  interest  ,  the  screams  of  his  sister  dulling  as  she  begins  to  stare  at  it  too  ...  she  didn’t  like  the  sound  but  the  sound  is  gone  .  the  jelly  is  wobbling  .  mom  is  putting  the  kettle  on  the  cooker  ,  the  hobs  are  lighting  and  there  goes  the  whistle  but  taz  is  still  wibble  -  wobbling  the  jelly  ,  still  staring  at  the  disgusting  texture  .  “  ew  ,  “  giggles  tala  as  it  splatters  onto  the  table  .  the  new  scream  starts  ,  taz  is  still  holding  his  spoon  as  the  children  both  look  over  and  watch  their  mothers  arm  being  pulled  across  the  stove  .  it’s  not  one  that  you  light  ,  there’s  no  flame  but  the  smell  of  smouldering  flesh  is  strange  ...  taz  is  five  .  he  doesn’t  know  how  it  feels  to  be  burned  .  they  watch  their  mother  stand  there  ,  she’s  not  screaming  or  anything  ,  she’s  just  standing  there  clutching  the  kitchen  side  and  when  he  releases  ,  the  flesh  is  ugly  and  red  .  dad  comes  back  to  the  table  ,  he  picks  up  his  jelly  ,  “  why  is  that  jelly  on  the  table  ,  son  ?  “  taz  looks  down  ,  tala  looks  down  .  “  you  better  clean  that  up  ,  rosie  ,  “  and  mom  comes  over  with  a  cloth  and  wipes  it  away  ,  a  strange  look  on  her  face  that  taz  won’t  be  able  to  relate  to  just  yet  .  “  mommy  ,  why  is  your  arm  red  ?  “  tala  asks  .  “  some  things  are  hot  ,  “  she  says  ,  and  then  they  finish  their  jelly  .  

seven . 

          there’s  a  strange  smell  ,  the  disinfectant  fills  his  lungs  and  he  holds  his  newborn  baby  sister  tarron  (  he  doesn’t  get  a  choice  in  this  )  .  him  and  tala  think  babies  are  annoying  and  stinky  but  this  one  is  okay  .  tarron’s  dad  is  gone  ,  he  isn’t  the  same  as  their  dad  ...  he’s  one  of  the  others  .  “  grandad  has  been  waiting  so  long  to  meet  you  ,  “  mom  says  and  taz  thinks  ,  he  hasn’t  been  trying  very  hard  !  when  she  presents  the  children  in  front  of  the  man  in  his  chair  ,  taz  stares  blankly  ...  the  man  has  bushy  eyebrows  ,  big  ridges  in  his  face  and  his  hair  is  all  wirey  .  tala  seems  to  like  the  idea  of  having  a  grandad  ,  she  sits  on  his  knee  and  tells  him  all  sorts  of  stories  but  he  doesn’t  say  much  .  “  he’s  just  shy  ,  “  mom  tells  the  children  but  taz  stares  at  him  suspiciously  from  the  corner  of  the  room  and  has  staring  contests  with  him  on  a  daily  basis  and  he  never  even  blinks  .  one  time  ,  taz  tries  to  let  grandad  hold  tarron  but  his  arms  don’t  move  ...  “  i  think  grandad  is  a  zombie  ,  “  taz  tells  tala  .  “  don’t  be  stupid  ,  he’s  just  tired  ‘cause  he’s  old  !  “  tala  tells  taz  .  they  have  this  argument  in  front  of  grandad  ,  he  doesn’t  have  an  opinion  .  the  children  don’t  realise  how  long  has  passed  living  off  of  peanut  butter  sandwiches  and  feeding  tarron  powdered  milk  until  the  bang  at  the  door  ...  first  comes  the  lady  in  the  same  uniform  as  their  mom  and  next  comes  the  police  .  “  where  is  your  mom  ?  “  the  question  comes  again  and  again  but  taz  doesn’t  speak  ,  tala  speaks  far  too  much  and  earns  glares  from  him  .  “  mommy  left  us  with  grandpa  ,  “  looks  of  confusion  .  the  children  ride  in  the  back  of  a  police  car  all  the  way  to  the  station  and  a  few  hours  later  an  aunt  that  they’ve  never  seen  before  comes  to  collect  them  .  she  straps  tala  and  tarron  into  seats  in  the  car  but  taz  stays  standing  outside  ,  he  leans  in  ,  “  are  you  really  my  aunt  ?  “  he  asks  .  the  woman  starts  to  tear  up  ,  “  of  course  ,  sweetheart  .  you’re  safe  now  ,  i  promise  ,  “  taz  smiles  .  he  believes  her  .  

ten . 

               trini  is  born  and  taz  thinks  ,  if  i  see  another  baby  then  i  might  die  .  he  can’t  stop  thinking  about  what  happened  with  tarron  ,  having  to  look  after  her  ...  he  can’t  stop  thinking  about  that  year  with  his  aunt  ,  he  hates  his  mom  for  coming  back  but  he  keeps  his  mouth  shut  .  she  seems  different  ,  when  she  hold  trini  then  she’s  so  animated  ,  so  happy  ...  how  come  she  didn’t  love  us  like  that  ?  taz  starts  to  tell  tala  ,  “  it’s  you  ,  me  and  tarron  against  the  world  ,  yeah  ?  “  they’re  going  to  grow  up  together  like  three  peas  in  a  pod  ...  taz  doesn’t  hate  trini  then  ...  he’s  happy  ...  that  she’ll  be  loved  .  he  doesn’t  remember  how  that  feels  .  he’s  only  ten  years  old  .  then  comes  yani  .  “  this  is  your  father  ,  “  and  she  means  it  ...  he’s  not  but  she  means  it  .  the  word  dad  is  shoved  down  their  throats  until  they  can’t  breathe  .  their  mothers  screams  become  the  back  in  track  for  their  nightly  shows  but  it’s  nothing  new  .  the  four  children  sit  in  the  second  bedroom  of  their  two  bedroom  apartment  and  when  tala  starts  to  cry  and  cling  to  her  younger  siblings  (  for  her  own  sake  ,  not  theirs  )  ,  taz  presses  volume  on  the  television  until  they  can’t  hear  anything  else  ...  until  they  all  go  deaf  .  this  tactic  only  works  at  first  .  yani  is  the  first  one  who  seeps  over  to  the  children  ,  a  slap  here  and  there  for  tala’s  incessant  whining  ,  tarron  being  grabbed  by  the  wrist  when  she  tries  to  talk  to  the  baby  ...  one  night  the  tv  goes  up  so  loud  that  the  door  swings  back  on  it’s  hingest  ,  the  dark  tall  figure  ,  haunting  in  it’s  place  as  he  lunges  and  grabs  taz  by  the  neck  .  tarron  is  screaming  ,  tarron  is  holding  trini  ,  “  turn  that  shit  off  !  “  the  screaming  is  so  loud  but  taz  isn’t  scared  ,  he  feels  nothing  ...  not  a  thing  .  it’s  like  every  argument  ,  every  moment  that  he’s  witnessed  collides  together  and  when  he’s  laying  there  staring  back  into  the  eyes  of  his  fake  father  ...  he  already  knows  how  it  ends  .  his  vision  goes  blurry  ,  his  body  is  slack  against  uncovered  wood  and  then  ,  “  get  off  of  him  !  “  his  mother  shrieks  and  her  hands  are  covered  in  blood  ,  her  hair  is  matted  with  it  and  yani  falls  to  the  ground  with  her  .  yani  leaves  that  night  and  their  mother  holds  the  two  youngest  children  but  when  she  reaches  for  tala  and  taz  ,  they  don’t  reach  back  .  taz  grabs  the  remote  and  turns  the  tv  all  the  way  to  max  volume  .  he  doesn’t  hear  her  promise  that  she’ll  protect  them  because  he  already  knows  it’s  a  lie  .  tala  sits  down  beside  him  and  on  a  piece  of  paper  she  writes  a  story  :  and  then  mommy  came  home  with  a  new  daddy  and  he  loved  us  all  .  nothing  bad  ever  happened  again  .  taz  thinks  this  is  stupid  but  he  doesn’t  say  a  word  .  

eleven . 

             tobe  is  born  and  taz  thinks  ,  if  i  see  another  baby  then  i  will  die  .  but  tobias  is  born  and  he  lives  .  taz  and  tala  don’t  take  care  of  the  younger  children  now  ,  they  just  stare  at  the  mess  .  tarron  is  six  but  she  is  like  a  mother  ,  she  can  do  all  the  things  a  mother  should  .  taz  thinks  ,  how  fucked  up  is  this  ?  their  mother  vanishes  .

twelve . 

              the  smell  of  cookies  ,  warm  fuzzy  blankets  ,  a  pet  rabbit  called  coco  ...  there  is  never  a  shred  of  rage  ,  there’s  a  talk  time  ,  a  talk  chart  ,  you  have  to  hold  a  studded  animal  if  you  want  to  yell  .  taz  is  stubborn  ,  he  is  angry  and  he  doesn’t  want  to  trust  his  foster  parents  because  they  remind  him  of  aunt  janine  (  who  he  never  saw  again  )  .  nothing  is  really  ever  safe  and  more  than  that  ,  he  doesn’t  care  .  tarron  hates  foster  care  ,  she  screams  and  shouts  and  wants  control  ,  she  tries  to  mother  tala  and  taz  even  though  she’s  only  little  really  .  taz  spends  most  of  his  time  waiting  for  the  world  to  end  ...  as  it  normally  does  .  it’s  a  miserable  time  ,  almost  as  miserable  as  being  at  home  and  he  grows  tired  of  tarron’s  ridiculous  stories  about  their  mother  and  the  lives  that  she’s  led  in  her  own  thick  skull  .  “  shut  up  ,  tala  ,  “  he  tells  her  every  day  ,  “  shut  up  ,  taz  .  our  mom  is  going  to  come  back  for  us  and  take  us  away  ,  you’ll  see  ,  “  taz  wonders  why  she  would  want  that  .  tarron  talks  to  herself  ,  she  talks  about  trini  and  tobe  but  taz  has  no  interest  .  he  doesn’t  care  .  good  riddance  .  his  foster  parents  tell  him  :  there  is  a  special  name  for  when  bad  things  happen  and  you  have  to  put  up  a  wall  to  stop  them  hurting  us  .  taz  doesn’t  say  anything  .  he’s  playing  in  the  yard  ,  less  playing  and  more  standing  there  as  water  drips  slow  from  the  watering  can  into  some  dying  weeds  ,  his  expression  sordid  when  someone  pops  their  head  over  the  fence  ,  a  mop  of  blonde  hair  and  warm  eyes  .  taz  doesn’t  want  to  look  at  him  but  the  voice  comes  anyway  .  “  hey  !  hey  !  hey  !  “  he  doesn’t  reply  .  if  you  ignore  things  they  go  away  .  the  head  disappears  and  he  continues  ,  his  fingers  on  the  can  ,  a  deadpan  expression  until  out  of  nowhere  the  boy  appears  beside  him  .  “  you’re  doing  that  all  wrong  ,  you  can’t  resurrect  weeds  ,  “  grabbing  the  watering  can  from  limp  fingers  as  he  starts  to  adjust  it  to  do  it  correctly  .  taz  doesn’t  say  anything  .  “  i’m  killian  ,  i  live  next  door  .  i  think  we’re  going  to  be  friends  ,  “  taz  spits  on  the  ground  ,  “  doubt  it  ,  “  and  he  truly  does  .  he  knocks  the  watering  can  out  of  killian’s  hand  abruptly  .  water  pools  into  grass  .  “  hi  ,  i’m  kj  ...  i  think  we  can  be  friends  ,  “  the  boy  says  ,  grinning  .  taz  thinks  ,  some  people  just  don’t  know  when  to  quit  .  

he doesn’t know that twelve will be his last good year for a long time .