-kino-

[adreamoverlife]

the flu has made me deranged so here's something Michael is an animal guy. He'll never admit it but one day Adam catches him putting some in-shell peanuts into their shopping cart and is like ????? and Michael does his little standoffish shrug and by the time Adam gets home he is going over every spell Michael has ever told him about trying to remember if peanuts is an ingredient to anything and he's focusing so hard he almost doesn't notice Michael going over to their window where it has like flower box or something and just sprinkles a little bit of the food there and makes a strange click in the back of his throat that carries the echos of an angels true voice. and now Adams like ?!?!?!?!? What the fuck are you summoning ?!?!??! expecting something like a hell hound or horrific creature that responds only to an angel but it's none of that it's a flock of about 8 crows that descend down to the flower box and chirp at Michael in a way that can almost be described as respectfully. Now Adams never been so confused in his entire life but Michael the bastard just tilts his head in the way only angels do and says "I've known these animals longer than Humans have had names for them Adam. They remember me." and then smiles, a little sad and eyes glossy. "I think I've told that to you once before."

[thesharktanksdriver]

People are strange (platonic)

Basically the vamp boys had a kid they just now learned about.

This is entirely platonic and there’s a section for each of them individually as the father in this situation. beginning Half is just kinda context takes place two years before the film

Your mother always warned you of monsters when you were younger

Ones that would hide within the shadows

Glowing red eyes

Gnashing pointed teeth that shine in moonlight

Hissing and growling like wild animals

Ones that looked like you and I

Who seemed impossibly beautiful, like carved statues of cherubs and angels Who were really the devil himself in disguise

She taught you to be wary of the world

To trust your gut and never brush off the chill that goes down your spine when you feel something was wrong

Many called your mama a paranoid woman

One who was skittish and afraid of the slightest bump in the dark

But you knew there was always something more to her fear

A reason as to why she’s deathly afraid of the clock chiming midnight

You trusted her for she was your mother

You never complained from her working long hours to make ends meet or about not getting the latest toy

Her getting home late and locking the door, shaking hands and uneven breaths was enough to always keep you from making a pep

Especially as it all melted away at the sight of you waiting patiently to greet her despite how late it was

She was tough as nails despite how people gave her looks for raising you on her own

Yet another reason you respected her more than just being your mom

So despite how you had to move yet again you didn’t complain

Especially as she said that in this place the two of you would be staying in a bigger home

So she packs up yet again

And the two of you load up into her car, putting the limited amount of items into the trunk before making the trip to Santa Carla

The so called “murder capital of the world” via the back of a billboard advertising the place

The sun is up and as she drives through the town you see all kinds of people

People from different backgrounds and subgroups

It was all fascinating to your 12 year old mind

Especially since you’d only see leather clad and studded jackets on tv

Never up front and in person

You peered out in wonder at a few of the leather wearing people, even getting a few small waves or smiles from them

It made you wave back as your mom drove past a boardwalk

One that piqued your interest without much effort

Perhaps it was the sight of carnival games that were likely rigged

Stuffed Prizes as big as you were

Sugary sweets and greasy delicacies

Flashing lights from stomach churning rides

The sound and smell of the salty water of the sea crashing into the shore

But something drew you there

It was like a call in your mind

Beckoning you to go

Like Alice following the white rabbit into wonderland

Your mother sees your stare and chuckles a little

Hands gripping the steering wheel as she turns it

“Did you know that I used to live here?”

“Really?!”

“Yep. The house we’re gonna live in is where I used to live when I was a teenager”

“But…I thought grandpa and grandma didn’t like you because of me?”

“Grandma and grandpa…are in a retirement home. We got the house in return”

At that you nod

It sounded like it made sense

“Mommy actually used to go the board walk quite a bit. Maybe you’ll have fun there”

“I’m allowed to go there?”

“Yeah but…remember what I said about following your gut. Alright?”

“Ok!”

Moving in is relatively quick

The place is old and furnished in antique furniture

It’s better that what the two of you had before except for the old person smell

But that would go away with time…and fabreeze

You traverse through the place finding what you assumed to be your mom’s old room

It’s untouched

Remnants of the 60’s turning into what you think to be the 70’s

Posters hang on the walls, Janet Joplin and Jim Morrison are two you can clearly recognize

Their music played on the way to this very house

The covers of the bed are soft as you flop down onto the duvet spread of swirls and sunflowers

Your bag following suit as it spills open to let your stuff tumble out onto the bed

By the time night hits your surging with energy as your mom gets ready to go to her new work

It was weird but for some reason you always felt more energetic at night

Your mom always said you got that from your dad which made you giggle

You never knew him

Only heard bits and pieces about him from your mother who guarded it to her heart

Naturally you were curious about the man since he WAS your father

But by how hesitant she seemed you eventually brushed that curiosity away for her sake

Your mom gives you twenty dollars and a kiss on the cheek after handing you a sweater just in case

The rule was to be back by 10 which you’d definitely abide by lest you have this privilege taken away

So your off

Into the boardwalk you go as the last bits of sunlight die

The sun slowly going down in the horizon signalling night to take reign

Your a bit overwhelmed since this is the first time having such a big sense of freedom

Plus there are so many people here

For awhile you end up laying a few games, winning cheaply stuffed prizes before ending up getting some ice cream

You end up sitting by the steps going down into the beach

It was quieter there and less busy making it relaxing as you listened to the waves

And then you heard the sound of moter cycles roaring

Your eyes turn to see 4 boys, all teenagers around 18 or 19 coming to a stop

Their all laughing to themselves

Two blonds seemingly play fighting as another watches with a tall dark haired man

You get up from your spot, whipping of stray bits of sand sticking to you and approach the group who’d yet to notice you

“I like your jackets”

Their eyes search around for a moment before trailing down to you

Staring up at them with interest

You notice how whatever they were gonna respond with dies in their throats

You miss how momentarily their eyes flash to an cat-like yellow hue from being distracted from the detailing of their leather coats

Specifically the one with all the patches and dangly bits

The one in the centre responds first, thanking you before kneeling down a bit to be at a better height

Up till then you had to crane your neck up to look at the 4 of them

He introduces himself and then the others

There’s a noticeable intrigue in them that doesn’t go unnoticed by you

The one named Paul chimes in asking if your here with some friends

You respond with the truth that your here alone, your first night in your new home

“Must be pretty brave coming here all alone” the one named Marko comments with a wild smile

“Mom says the same thing. She also always says trust your gut”

“What does your gut say about us?”

“That your cool”

That gets a good laugh out of them

The rest of the night you spend it with the rowdy group of bikers

Paul and Marko showing you the best hacks for winning the carney games

David buying you a burger that you snack on as the night progresses

Dwayne placing you on his shoulders when you mention your feet starting to hurt

It’s fun

Possible the most fun you had in a long while

At a lot of your old schools you never really made friends

Partially due to the fact you knew you’d move but also cause you could never really click with other kids your age

But it seems that within minutes of meeting these delinquent bikers you’d made the friends you had so longed for

But eventually the night comes to an end the minutes to 10 are ticking down and you have to head home

You notice how distinctly upset one of them are compared to the rest

And how in your own way you feel the same

Almost as if you were about to leave a part of your soul if you left

“I’ll be back tomorrow night. We can meet by the same spot if you’d all like”

Immediately the mood is lightened

David nodding as the others smile and wave you off as you take the path home

Despite how dark the streets were and how afraid you probably should be when walking home in a new town

Let alone one named the murder capital of the world

You feel at ease

Safe beneath the starlit skies as the moon lead your way home

At some points you could’ve sworn you felt eyes on you but there was no feeling of danger

You could even dare say you felt protected as the wind howled last you

When you get home your mom is there to greet you with a smile

One that seemed less stressed than normal

“How was it?”

“It was fun!. I made some friends I think”

“You think?”

“Yeah…well this older than me but super cool”

She nods with a smile, sending you to bed with a spark of familiarity in her eyes as she stares out a window

The next night you keep your word, going to the same spot you met them when the light died

Letting night take it’s place

They arrive like they did last time but instead of laughing amongst themselves they immediately head to greet you

It repeats like this for your night times

Their always filled with fun and laughter as the group quickly welcomes you to its metaphorical ranks

There is an unknown sentiment shared between them

One that it takes awhile for your young child brain to catch onto

Eyes sending silent sentences as they ruffled your hair

The way how there’s an unspoken rule between them that at least one is with you at all times

How out of the bunch one specifically seems to linger near you more than the others

An unknown emotion filling their eyes as they have to say goodbye once the clock chimes 10

And then joy when they see you the next night at the boardwalk

How that one of the group is always the first to find you and greet you

It’s odd

But perhaps not in a bad way

It makes you feel happy and comfortable

Almost as if you greeting your dad after a long day of work or saying goodbye to him

It’s a feeling you enjoy especially as the nights are filled with joy

But with that also comes the odd feeling you have with them

A sense of kinship beyond just regular friendship

Something more alike to being part of a family

Along with that is also the odd smell your sometimes find lingering near them

It’s faint but there, an irony twang that isn’t from the studded boots or moter cycles

It hangs from them in an essence that only you seem to notice

For some reason you imagine the smell as an almost red mist

Something that also lingers around the video store that they avoid as best they can

Not like you can blame them though

Something in you tells you that danger lies there so you never go near it

There a noticeable change in you as you spend time with them

A sense of energy when the sun sets that leaves you somewhat confused since it wasn’t to this extent before

Now you felt as if you were more alive at night

Sometimes taking hours to even try to force yourself to sleep when your supposed to

And despite that you feel energetic as usual during the day but especially at night

It becomes an ongoing cycle you endure

Because if it meant being able to spend time with the boys you’d befriended then you’d bare it

David like the others can instantly tell that your his kid

They all can

It’s safe to say your now his number one priority

For a long while David feels clueless as to how he should handle this

Cause on one hand he wants to just take that step into fatherhood

To be there for you as best he could without up and saying he’s your dad

But at the same time he doesn’t know if that’s what you want or need

And that leaves him more scared than he’d like to admit

He doesn’t want to be like Max, someone who’d come into your life uninvited and decide that he’s now your dad

It’s fucked up and they know all about it from now being his “sons”

So for awhile he’d keep the relationship as being a big brother figure until he gets hints that he’d think it would be ok to take a more fatherly role

It’s odd for him to feel so…soft

He’s normally composed and at times gruff

The complete opposite of how he is when your tugging him to booth to win a prize

For the first in a long time David allows himself to let his guard down

To let the walls guarding his heart topple down and be vulnerable

It’s something he doesn’t do often even with the others

So it means a lot to him that he can do so without worry

He takes to hovering around you a lot

he’s not really affectionate like Paul or Marko but likes to just silently be near your presence

Watching you smile at a dumb joke

It comforts him that your not afraid of them, of him

That despite the looks and the scared glances from other people on the boardwalk you always come back

That also leads to him worrying for you

Especially since there are monsters in Santa Clara that may not be vampires but in his opinion much worse than they are

It’s cause of that he ends up personally watching and making sure your ok

That you get home safe to your mother

Speaking of which he may or may not be a bit bitter she kept you a secret from him

He partially understands her reasoning but it still hurts

What matters though is that he can be there for you now

Your a smart kid and it makes him proud especially as you begin taking after him in small ways

Sometimes it’s with how you walk as if you owned the place

Or how you went about a situation

He can’t help but chuckle a bit when thinking about it especially when he gifts you a coat similar to his own

The sight of which makes his crack a smile as you add it to your daily attire

It makes him feel a stroke of pride as you parade around like a mini him

Everyone knows that he’s something akin to a paternal figure to you and with that comes no one on the boardwalk messing with you

Unless they want him and the boys on their asses with a potential of ending up on a missing poster

But once again with that comes Max

Shit grinning Max who just had to stick his head into what didn’t involve him

David won’t admit it but he’s always on pins and needles when around the older vampire

For someone who is normally in control and the most powerful in a room he feels weak when the other vampire is around

All grip on the situation slipping out his fingers like sand in an hour glass

An sturdy object now cracked and moments away from breaking under the pressure of a fake smile and yellow eyes

Unsurprisingly Max is happy with this development

David dare even say ecstatic which leaves him uneasy

It’s better than him being mad but he can see the gears turning in his sire’s head

The prospect of his fucked up family dream coming one more step into fruition

Max makes one demand that David hesitantly agrees to which is bribing you in to meet him

So despite his clear hesitation David begrudgingly does so after exposing his…dad wanted to meet you

None of the boys are happy either but they put up some practices smiles and are able to convince you to help them pick out a video to watch

During this encounter you stick by David who is more than eager to shield you away from Max’s view as subtly he can

The older vampire peering down at you with intrigue

Despite nothing being amiss with the man behind the counter you feel uncomfortable

Something about him was wrong

The kind smile feeling almost Artificial as it hides something malicious behind it

You put up with that feeling though

Instead giving a shy but cordial greeting as Paul picks a film with Marko

Dwayne watching not too far away as David grasps your hand

The sight of which makes Max grin

After that the group takes you to their small hangout after you had gotten permission from your mom to stay longer

It’s something akin to a dream-like cave

Sea glass and beer bottle strung up to create blobs of coloured light

A large poster of Jim Morrison hanging on the wall just like your mom’s room that became your own

This places feels magical

“You like it?”

“Yeah!. Mom has a poster of Jim as well”

“Really?, well she must have good taste”

There’s a hidden amusement in his voice as he brings forth a wheelchair that he offers you to sit down in

It’s reminiscent of a throne as you sit down

David wheeling it closer to where the others sit as you giggle in delight

His eyes drift over to the bejewelled bottle every once in awhile as everyone watches the film

A part of him wants to offer it

That sweet golden ticket of immortality

But he holds back knowing it would be cruel

Though they may be sadistic he can’t bring himself to tricking you into turning

Can’t rip away your humanity and tear you away from your mother

He can’t find himself going to betray your trust

Perhaps later on in your life he’d offer it but for now he’ll lock those thoughts away

Despite how some part of his wishes to keep you forever young

Forever his child

His eyes trail back down to you dozing off

The others can’t help but laugh as the big bad David gentle picks you up with a certain soft look in his eyes

He glares but it only makes Paul and Marko’s giggles louder

Dwayne just smirks and nods

Getting the silent message of making sure the other two bozo’s didn’t burn down the cave as he left

And so he takes off into the sky with you in hand

Your smaller form fast asleep amongst the stars of the midnight sky

He can’t help but think about how fragile you are compared to him

A monster of the night

When he knocks on the door to your home he’s met by your mother whom stares with nostalgia

He asks if he can enter and she lets him

His jacket seems to flutter from a breeze coming in behind him

The next morning you wake up tucked into bed with the strangest dream of soaring the night skies

Your new friends Edgar and Allen say that you’d been reading too many superman comics

Dwayne feels his now unbeating heart stop as he stares down at you looking up towards them

Round innocent eyes that almost make him crumble and lose his usual stoic shield

He had always had a soft spot for children

And with you he absolutely melts like butter left in the Californian sun

The giant of a man accompanying you as you held onto his hand or the edge of his jacket

Out of them all he definitely takes to the role of dad the fastest

The quiet giant becoming the epitome of a gentle giant for you exclusively

It’s funny to the others how Dwayne will go from stoic badass to holding your hand when there’s a crowd so you don’t get lost

Honestly their all especially happy for him considering they all knew he once had a desire to have a family

It was initially what Max played on into initiating the brunette

Only for him to realize that those dreams were manipulated and played on

It’s due to that he is especially protective when he realizes you can be used as tool by Max

Like David he looms nearby but secretly loves giving you any affection that your comfortable with

Whether that be holding his hand or being placed on his shoulder is up to you but he never complains

In fact he only gently smiles, the edges of his eyes crinkling as a look of calm appears in his eyes

Dwayne (unlike the others) loves talking about historical events they had lived through

Of course he framed the stories as from relatives or now dead family members but there’s a certain look in his eyes that tells he’s talking of personal experience

Dwayne is a pro at the carnival games since he often times had to win them for Marko or Paul

He uses this to his advantage by winning you any and every prize you’d ever want

Whether that be the big ones or small your getting it

Thing is as well is that you don’t even need to ask him, he already seems to know which one you want and the next night or hour he returns with it in hand for you

The others now laugh cause now he stocks up on the cheaply stuffed toys and trinkets at the cave

Their in a neat pile away from the mud and grime

Plus Marko’s nabby hands for when he needs supplies for a new art project

Speaking of which he basically looms over Marko’s shoulder as he’s making you your own coat to match his

Jaguar and all

Marko knows he’s just excited but he has to shoo him off since having a giant looking over your shoulder while you work is kinda distracting

In the quiet moments where he sits with you and have ice cream by the beach he tells you of tales

How each constellation has a story

How flowers have certain meaning in Victorian and various cultures

Along with that he reads to you books of old

Ones with flowery language long forgotten to the modern world yet he holds an appreciation for

During when he reads he lets your read aloud with him, taking turns voice characters as he helps you sound out harder words

It makes him more happy than you can imagine that has someone (let alone his own child) to read along with

He likes Shakespeare and stuff considered to be classics but he has a soft spot for fantasy novels like Tolkien

Once considered reading to you Dracula but held back thinking that it maybe too on the nose and give you suspicions

It’s at this point he would also explain to you in detail his heritage of indigenous origin

Stories passed on from his people that he now shares to you

When he does so theirs a certain gentleness and vulnerability he has in his tone

It had been once again something he had dreamed of doing, passing down stories just as his parents and grandparents before him

One that was yet again something he didn’t think he’d get to do

But here he is, beneath the starry night sky retelling stories generations old as you look to him with pure amazement and interest

Something that makes him a bit more teary eyed than he’d like to admit

He often worries about your sleep schedule and about your health in general partially due to the fact none of them know what a half-vampire entails

Nor do they want to ask Max out of fear of sounding too suspicious

So he kinda has to wing it

Through the night he constantly makes sure to get you snacks and drinks to keep you hydrated

The other joke that he’s a mother hen but he takes that in pride

Pride that he can care for his own flesh and blood

But of course nothing can last forever and Max catches on when you accidentally stumble into his shop on night with Dwayne behind you

Safe to say it’s a bit of an awkward talk that has implications you don’t catch onto as the two “talk”

Well it’s more like Max is talking as Dwayne gave short answers and silent messages through his glare

Meanwhile your peaking out from behind the movie selection as the man behind the counter stares at you with interest

When the two of you leave after that you notice how for a long while he gets more protective

His hand gripping yours a bit tighter than usual or how his eyes scour through the crowds when your on his shoulder

When he brings you to the cave (after your moms permission to stay out later than usual) you ride with him on his bike

Unlike the others (cough Marko and Paul cough) he drives safely

He also makes sure that your comfortable enough

Once there he carefully guides you down into their base

Being sure so that you don’t trip over any stray jutting stones or debris laying around

It comes to no surprise that he talks of the history of this place

From how it sunk to how stalactites now begin to form

You sit down with him at the old fountain and he pulls out an old copy of Hamlet

He reads as the others do their own thing nearby, casually listening or throwing in a quip from time to time

It’s fun especially as Paul makes a remark that their all to dramatic

That gets a rock thrown at him by David

When your getting tired though he takes you home on his own

The hum of the motor cycle making it really easy to fall asleep as the very early hours of the morning

Your mother can only smile at the sight of him walking you to the door hand in hand

The next while that becomes a tradition

One in which that has you always happy at the end of the night from the fun memories and how easy it was to fall asleep

Dwayne’s new favourite activity though is teaching you to dance since you randomly asked one day

The tune of a song from the smiths or echo and the bunny people filling the cavern

Bouncing off it’s old walls as you stand on his feet following his lead

He fells at peace, purely content and happy in a way he hadn’t experienced yet in his undead life

“Am I doing this right?”

“You are, just follow my lead”

Edgar and Allen say he’s unfortunately not allowed in their shop cause he refuses to still wear a shirt so you can’t introduce them yet

No shirt no service as they say

Paul is freaking the fuck out internally cause out of all of them he was a dad

Him

The smooth talking ladies man who was as high a kite almost every night

Is he upset by this revelation? Fuck no

Is up surprised and unprepared? Hell yeah

Unsurprisingly the others tease him about this quite a bit but he doesn’t bite back since he’s too distracted wrapping his head around how he should act around you

Like the others he’s had a particular bad home life back when he was alive so he doesn’t really know how to be a good dad

Part of him fears that he’ll end up like his father

Controlling and often times would hurt him for acting out

It leaves him fearful that he could become him for he is already a monster of the night

There’s no telling if he’d fall as far as his dad

The others remind him he would never but a part of him still worries

During his time with you he is always cracking jokes and quips to hear you laugh

It’s perhaps his new favourite thing to hear as a smirk spreads across your face

A sight in which he does his best to be a constant expression on your face

The so called “twisted sister look alike” likes indulging in games with you

Along with spinning you around in the air or running with you sitting on his shoulders

Marko helps him with a lot of the these endeavours

The other golden hair vampire helping in the schemes he makes to make your nights all that more enjoyable

Several of which are stopped by Dwayne of David cause their apparently “dangerous” and “could blow our cover you dumb blonds”

The dumbass duo now becomes a trio cause your dragged along with them

The only braincell on the group as David and Dwayne desperately hope you don’t lose said braincell with hanging out with the two

Paul is very affectionate and shows this both verbally and physically

He’s constantly telling you how cool you look and patting your head

It’s his way of making sure you know your always loved

You can definitely bet he sneaks you into concerts that you maybe shouldn’t be at

And then at said concert he parades you on his shoulders so you get a good view

Wild hair flying everywhere as he bops to the tune with you doing the same

With you now taking up most of his attention he focuses less on woman since he’d rather spend time with someone who he knows won’t leave

Even when he does talk to woman though it isn’t like it was before

What started off as flirting derails when he starts talking about how proud he is of you and-

And the woman has now left and he hadn’t noticed

David jokes that he’s lost his skills but he doesn’t really mind as much as he initially thought

He just laughs it off with a “whatever you say man” before taking you to yet another booth where he wins you something

And steals a few extra prizes

He steals you quite a bit of stuff

Like you were looking at something for a millisecond?, he’s mentally notes that down to yoink later

Bit of a kleptomaniac so he has a shit ton of old concert merch and collectibles that he gifts to you

David been complaining that it’s piling up in the cave anyways so he’s happy it’s going to a good home

Still a bit sad cause he’s emotionally attached to those items but feels a sense of happiness when he sees you wear the old band shirts he’s collected

Speaking of which he had a ton of unused patches Marko has been unable to touch that he has added to your coat

All the way from Jimi Hendrix and the doors to Motley crew and black sabbath

He tries to hold back smoking near you but there are the times where he ends up high and is around you

You actually find Paul to be really funny when he’s high

The others disapprove cause it’s not exactly a respoible thing to do in front of a kid and cause he gets chatty and on several occasions almost blew their cover

He does try to tone it down for your sake though

Which is more than David could ever convince him to do

It probably doesn’t take long for Max to catch on that’s something going on that he hasn’t been let on to

Doesn’t fucking except Paul of people to have a kid

Well…maybe that’s a lie, he does know that he is quite good with women but still

Like the others Paul doesn’t really like Max but he at least tries to hide his discomfort with a lazy smile

Don’t be fooled though cause his foot is bouncing anxiously

Max is of course all smiles as you place a movie you’d like onto the counter

Paul holding your hand as you feel sweat begin to form on his

Max greets and talks with him but you can sense something is odd

The encounter ends fast and leads with Paul putting you on his shoulders and running off into the crowds

You still feel the other man’s eyes watching the two of you disappear into the sea of people

Eventually your able to get permission to go with them to their cave on the condition they drop you off back home

In an instant Paul is showing you his area of the cave

His figurative treasure trove that your allowed to touch without the worry of having a rabid Paul set loose for touching his stuff

You sit on a pile of old shirts as he shows off some trinkets that he thought were particularly cool

It’s there he also plays some of his favourite albums from the mixtapes Marko made

At some point he begins singing along with you following suit

Laughter and giggles every few verses as you mess up words and only remember the chorus

It’s the most fun thing he’s done

It’s so mundane yet it seems to ingrain itself into his memory

Something he’d hold close when he felt particularly lonely

When he takes you home he decides to park his motorcycle at the board walk and take you the rest of the way by foot

You laugh and joke with him and it warms his undead heart

You talk of your dreams and he makes you promise to never doubt your ability to accomplish them

Something his dad never did

Your mother already awaits at the door when he drops you off

He smiles and shoots her a flirty remark she giggles at as she shoo’s you to bed

As he’s about to leave she says he and the others always welcome to stay if the sun is too close

He nods and disappears into the night

Edgar and Allen say Paul isn’t allowed in the store after once catching him stealing several comics

Along with the fact their concerned his dumbassery will end up with the shop in flames

Marko is dumbfounded but also jumping with fucking joy

HE HAS A KID!!!

Oh my god- ow

Yeah definitely excited but then realizes that means he has a tiny human he’s now responsible for

A tiny human who is more fragile than regular humans

In an area infested with creepo’s and surf nazi’s

He’s now internally screaming and Dwayne is doing his best to help cause they all can hear it through their mind link

Definitely anxious about now having a kid who doesn’t know he’s their dad but simultaneously he knows their his kid

David is so close to sometimes snack him on the head

Marko is personally good with affection and dishes it out quite often but his favourite is gifts

Me makes (and steals) you sooo much stuff

Like if Paul was bad for snatching shit then Marko is going to a new level for you

Out of the bunch he’s the most artistic

And he’s very passionate about it

Me makes you bracelets, handmade pins out of bottle caps, patches and doodles

All of which end up being kept safe in your room or added to your clothes

He’d absolutely love to take you “shopping” around the boardwalk for supplies before starting an art project with you

Hunched near the beach as the two of you paint some random shit with patterns and drawings

It’s due to this the fights in the boardwalk has gone down 50%

David has almost staked himself several times for the countless times Marko and Paul end up in stupid situations as they dragged you along

It’s nothing too bad, just some light mischief that leaves you giggling as he runs with you clinging to him

He only wins at the carnival games cause he cheats via vampire powers

Like he could’ve learned to do it properly over the years

But using an ability is sooo much easier

Plus somehow miraculously winning every time to watch the hope drain from a vendors eyes is satisfying to him

As is reaping the rewards of giving you a giant plush and getting a bright smile

One time you surprised him with something you won him and he still cherishes it

He even gave the plush a name and refuses to let anyone but him touch it

That goes along with any drawings or small artwork you give him

It could be something as small as a post it note with a smiley face and he’d be asking David to frame it on a wall

He decides to make a scrapbook to keep it all in

Certain drawings he really likes end up becoming custom patches that he adds to his coat

Unlike the others who want to give you a jacket that relatively matches their own

Marko goes off the wall in creating something similar to his but at the same time different

He’s an artist, he ain’t making the same thing again

Do you know how that hurts his soul?…if he still had one!

…plus Dwayne would probably strangle him if your jacket had a half naked woman like his own

Your jacket becomes his main project he works on

Yours is customized to your liking with patches of bands you like

To Italian tapestries much like his own

He adds charms and beads and-

David has to stop him before it becomes too heavy for your small form to carry

They once had to stop Marko from committing a art heist cause you offhandedly mentioned you like one of the paintings a local museum had

He verbally torn apart by Dwayne but it was so worth it in his eyes since he was able to raid the gift shop for prints instead

(Still sucks he couldn’t get the original)

Sometimes when he’d feeling nostalgic he takes you around the area and shows you works of art he may or may not have made

Their all anonymous works so he can just tell you his “interpretation” of what it’s supposed to mean

He loves hearing your input though

Hearing your own version of how you view the message of a piece as he looks on

Marko has been breeding and training pigeons for generations so he definitely introduces you to his feathered friends

He shows you how to tell if their happily coo’ing and where to pet them

His favourite of the bunch is one he named “Legosi” after the actor

Legosi now ends up being a messenger pigeon that he uses during the daytime to send you little motivational messages or small charms

Like Paul it doesn’t take long for Max to catch onto something being amuck

And Marko is fucking terrified as he attempts to act like his normal self as the man behind the counter of the video store looks down at you with a smile

It feels almost like a predator smiling down at prey

When he takes you to the cave he shows you all his projects and artwork that is found around

The fountain and the pigeons

It’s fun especially since he shows you all the random supplies he’s collected over the years

Including weird ass paints that aren’t in production due to them using dangerous materials like arsenic

The others watch on as the usually chaotic blond becomes calm as the two of you finger paint

Or he teaches you to sew

It’s probably the most content they’ve seen him in a long while

He won’t tell you it but he has a habit of accidentally just divulging in Italian as he talks about amazing you are to the others without even noticing he’s switched languages

Yet again not allowed into the comic shop for stealing plus Edgar and Allen swear he’s cut out panels when their not looking

You can confirm after seeing his collage’s with comic strips that he probably cut out from the pages

For someone often considered paranoid many people find it odd how your mother moved back to her hometown of Santa Clara

Even with the inheritance of her parents home it still felt like a departure from how she normally was

The woman who’s jump at the slightest of sounds

Or insisted on having at heart 3 locks on a door

But perhaps what’s more strange is her response as to why she lets you, a 12 year old, out at night

Something that normally would seem like a decision only made by negligent parents in this town polluted by missing posters

“Their probably the person with the most safety in this town. Cause I’m this case their the metaphorical princess with a group of dragons there to protect them”

Most would write off this statement

But it’s more true than anyone would initially think

For the monsters who lurk the night don’t hurt one of their own

[darkhighness]

Good Omentober Day 27 - Goats

Prompt by @disaster-dog

Aziraphale tries to teach the demon a lesson after their interaction with Job. It's definitely not self-serving.

(Written with the assistance of AI)

Crowley didn’t mind the goats all the much really. And while it had technically been an order from Hell, his heart just wasn’t really in it. That was the real reason he turned them into birds. Nothing else.

It had nothing to do with the look in the angel’s eyes when he told him what he was to do and it certainly had nothing to do with a nagging guilt that had been following him since the flood. He was just following orders in a slightly more unconventional way. 

After his little display, however, Aziraphale was determined to exact his own justice. He knew exactly how to tug on the demon’s heartstrings and after their fuss with Job, he took Crowley out to a small settlement where a young shepherd was struggling with rowdy goats, floating apart in the paddocks.

The young boy looked distressed, his left hand raised over his eyes to try and block out the sun as he called out to one of the more adventurous goats that had wandered off.

“What do you need me to do? You can just miracle it back it it’s pen, you know?” Crowley asked cynically, preparing to snap his fingers to fix the problem.

Aziraphale stopped him with a knowing smile, “Not this time Crowley. You’re going to go and give him a hand the proper way. The human way.”

The demon let out a long, low growl before heading off. It couldn’t be that hard. As Crowley approached the skittish goat, it began to dart off in the opposite direction, further away from the pasture it called home.

The demon let out a hefty sigh before trying to catch up again.

Aziraphale sat back, watching from an aged oak tree atop a hill. He watched as Crowley hopelessly dashed after the goat, all his limbs flailing frantically in the distance. It would’ve been a very quick job had they done it the way they usually did but this was significantly more fun for Aziraphale. 

As Crowley chased the elusive goat, he couldn't help but feel a growing sense of frustration. This was hardly the kind of task he enjoyed. He preferred manipulating and causing chaos from behind the scenes, not chasing after wayward livestock. 

The young shepherd watched in amazement as the strange man, Crowley, continued his unconventional pursuit of the goat. He watched, torn between laughter and sympathy for the demon's plight.

Meanwhile, Aziraphale, perched comfortably in the shade of the oak tree, couldn't suppress a mischievous grin. He had expected this reaction from Crowley. The angel was determined to teach the demon a lesson, to show Crowley that Hell’s way was not the way forward.

Finally, after what felt like an eternity, Crowley managed to corner the goat near a small cottage. He slowly approached the animal, extending a gentle hand, almost as if he was trying to approach a wild creature.

Crowley's cynical expression softened, and for a brief moment, he felt a connection with the creature he'd been chasing for so long. He almost felt bad for his previous plight, even if the goats hadn’t been harmed. Going from frolicking in a field to flying in the skies must have been quite the shock.

As Crowley returned the goat to the shepherd, Aziraphale descended from the hill. The angel wore a knowing smile, having achieved his mission.

Crowley  glanced at Aziraphale and admitted, "Alright, angel, you've made your point. Maybe there's something to this 'human way' after all."

And as the sun set over the serene countryside, the demon and the angel walked side by side, sharing a newfound appreciation for the subtleties of life. 

They both knew that they were likely going to be summoned by their respective sides soon to answer for their misdoings in the Job saga but for now, things felt painfully simply. As the setting sun painted the horizon in a spattering of oranges and yellows, Crowley couldn’t shake the pride he had in Aziraphale.

“You did the right thing, you know,” The demon assured looking out over the fields ahead.

Aziraphale took a moment to respond, negotiating with his own thoughts and insecurities, “But what if you weren’t there?” He asked timidly.

Crowley sighed and tried to reassure the angel, “Do you really think you would’ve done anything different?” He asked simply.

“I don’t know. That’s what I’m afraid of.”

“I don’t think I had much to do with it at all,” Crowley admitted, searching in his robes for pockets before shoving his hands in. He was absently kicking a stone along the ground, watching as it tumbled along the gravel path.

“I guess I just wish I was a little bit more sure,” Aziraphale admitted. There was still that fear in his chest that Crowley would drag him down to hell and he’d be stripped of every angelic part of him. He was too afraid to believe he’d be okay because it would just hurt more when he was inevitably betrayed.

“Do you remember when we first met?” Crowley asked, turning to face Aziraphale, “I told you that I didn’t think angels could do the wrong thing. I still believe that.”

“But Heaven’s done some rotten things. As we’ve made so many missteps-”

“Heaven might haven sure. But you Aziraphale, you haven’t. You’re one of the few people left who are truly angelic. The rest are just soulless zombies.” Crowley assured, a slight juvenile tone in his voice, “They could learn a thing or two from you.”

Aziraphale hummed slightly, not entirely convinced by the whole exchange but inexplicably soothed by the demon’s words nonetheless. He couldn’t help but wonder why Crowley always seemed to do the right thing too, then, if it was an angel’s mission.

“Angel you’re thinking so hard I can hear you from here,” Crowley teased.

“What about you?” Aziraphale blurted out, “Why do you do the right thing?” 

“I was an angel once too,” Was the only response Crowley gave.

[skylarstark4826]

She does her best to not look him directly in the eye, it feels off and she chooses to redirect her sight to his hands and literally anywhere but his face. He's very tall, athletic and massive, just like she remembers from their previous encounters. 

She can feel the heat of his body radiate against hers as she comes to stand next to him. It's almost like she's functioning on autopilot, she sits on the stool next to him and faces the Chaman. 

"Today, under the beautiful sun of Wakanda, we all stand here united as one to witness the union of our two Generals." The Chaman's voice begins, it carries over Okoye and flows behind her to the people attending the ceremony. 

There’s a thrill in the air around the pair, their union will mean so much for both of their people. If they go through with this, they will be the first Talokanil-Wakandan couple. They’ll be the living proof of peace between their two nations until more people decide to follow. 

(Hopefully out of true love and not duty, unlike Okoye.) 

It feels like watching a movie, like all of this is happening to someone else instead of her. The words of the Chaman flow around and her ears don't catch any words because she doesn't care for any of this. The only thing she cares about is her duty, and this turns out to be a strange albeit safe way of doing it. 

Whatever, hopefully, the ceremony will go by fast and she'll be back on her plane tomorrow morning at sunrise. Who knows, maybe today will be the only time she'll ever have to see him again! 

If anything goes by as expected, they'll both go their respective ways without bothering each other. Yes, that's right, she'll go back to working as a Midnight Angel and flying around the world to protect Wakanda's best interests. 

She hasn't said a word to him today, and hopefully, it will stay this way. 

"Okoye of the Border Tribe?" The Chaman calls, pulling her back from the turmoil of her thoughts. 

Okoye's eyes meet the Chaman's, immediately sensing that something was asked of her (and she paid no attention to it).

Next to her, she feels her betrothed turn her way, the stool creaking under the weight of his movement. And once again, Okoye does her best to avoid looking directly into his eyes. Instead, her attention drifts to his large hands adorned with Talokanil jewels made of smooth fabric and shark teeth. The contrast between his vibrant blue skin and the jewel is stark but nonetheless beautiful and provides a much-needed distraction for her agitated mind. 

She noticed how much this same animal came up in her mind whenever she thought of him, The man who defeated her that night on the bridge . Then she remembers when she first learned of this whole sham by King M'Baku's mouth, she remembers how he called the Warrior…

Attuma, The Great Shark.

And isn't it fitting for Okoye? First, she was married to W'Kabi, son of the Border Tribe turned traitor, and now as a second husband, she's about to marry a man who calls himself the Great Shark! She can only scoff at the absurdity of it all, which catches her fiance's attention. 

"Something on your mind?" The deep tone of his voice asks, startling her. 

She turns to face him wholly now, with no other choice but to look into his eyes. There's something strange about this man and the way he makes her feel, as though they were alone in the room and not full of dozens of people waiting for them to exchange marital vows. 

"It's none of your business." She retorts, her voice cold and leaving no room for debate.

But that doesn't deter the bastard, as a smirk appears on his lips."On the contrary, Warrior, we are to be married after all!" 

Under his smug tone and dark eyes, anger comes to cloud the inside of Okoye's chest, and she's minutes away from running away from the altar. But she can't let him get under her skin, for she has beaten him in battle before and won't tolerate any kind of disrespect from him or anyone else. 

She holds his gaze, honey-brown eyes staring back at chocolate ones, they mirror each other with confidence and a hunger for challenge. Yes, somehow in the madness of the situation, it seems Okoye has met her match. 

She turns back to the Chaman at once, ignoring the many curious gazes of the people burning the skin of her neck and back. This time, she does her best to not let her fiance's intense stare destabilize her as she opens her mouth. 

"I, Okoye, daughter of Nneka, ask for Bast's blessing to enter a marriage with..." 

She realizes she only knows his name, Attuma, and nothing else about this man she's engaged to. She doesn't know the name of his parents, she knows almost nothing of him, and the very little she already knows is enough for her to detest him wholeheartedly. 

The man senses her hesitation and comes to fill in the blank, "Attuma, son of Tadeas." 

Okoye sighs and starts once again. " I, Okoye, daughter of Nneka, ask for Bast's blessing to enter marriage with Attuma, son of Tadeas." 

The Chaman nods, though it's obvious in the tight lines on her face that something's wrong, "You've forgotten something, General..." 

Oh...that's true. 

"Do you want to marry this man and join your path to his for the rest of your life?" 

All of a sudden, her breath feels short and her heart beats loud enough for her to only hear it, nothing else. Somehow, she finds Attuma's eyes once again, and she's surprised to find uneasiness in them. Ah, funny it appears even the Great Shark is afraid of his bride running away at the altar!

But from the moment the idea of this marriage came up during a meeting of Tribal Elders, Okoye knew that if she said yes, she would go all the way.

And she has never been one to cower away from a challenge.

So she holds Attuma's gaze entwined with hers, steady and strong, as she opens her mouth once more. "Yes, I do." 

[xaracosmia]

ꕥ — WELCOME TO MARE COSMIA, FANDANIEL ( HERMES ). 🌗

ꕥ  — OOC INFORMATION;

name / alias: kaye age: 24 pronouns: they / them ooc contact: ofelpis @ tumblr other characters in xc: angel devil, lelouch vi britannia

ꕥ  — IC INFORMATION;

name: fandaniel ( hermes ) age: 43 ( physically ) pronouns: he / him series: final fantasy xiv canon point: just pre-sundering app triggers: apocalyptic scenarios, death, religious horror, memory loss, brief discussion of identity loss, discussion of symptoms of depression including mention of suicidal ideation, animal harm/death, discussion of euthanization, discussion of suicide

personality: stiff, withdrawn, antisocial. hermes is a brilliant man with a humble demeanor, gentle beyond words and more than a bit subdued. while not the easiest to get along with, he takes his work very seriously and can often be found out in the field, working alongside others not as their superior, but rather just another coworker. he holds a deep curiosity for the world, and takes great enjoyment from observing wildlife and learning to understand their mannerisms. each of his actions are completed with love and exactness, and he strives to make sure that his charges are as comfortable as can be. many are inspired by his diligence.

… his people-handling skills, however, can use some practice. hermes is amicable enough in conversation, but hardly cares for prolonging small talk or discussing topics that aren’t part of his work. oftentimes he can seem distant when talking with others, thoughtful about something he’ll seldom elaborate on compared to reassuring them that he’s fine. the truth is that while he is a deeply passionate individual, his faith in the world around him is incredibly fragile, if not nonexistent entirely. hermes does not fit in. hermes has never fit in. having grown used to getting strange looks for expressing his doubts about society, he has instead turned inwards and stews in his misery, thinking that there is no one else in the world that could ever understand him. if the world is perfect, and it cannot accept flaws, then he hardly finds himself in the position to remain in it.

ah, but that isn’t a big deal. he is helpless in the cycle, and this is a new world entirely. maybe he’ll never need to talk about it.

something your muse struggles with: mercy. not in the sense that he’s a heartless fiend or anything, but rather he has too much of it. the thought of hurting living beings, especially those that don’t choose to be in their circumstances, twists his heart so much that he could break apart.

your muse’s greatest strength: his compassion for nature. everything hermes does is done in order to respect nature and give it the best chance to thrive. this applies to all of nature. there is no creature or thing that is undeserving of love in his eyes, no matter their flaws.

history / background:

chief overseer of elpis, you will witness the world as it is still within its egg. creation will be at your fingertips, and you will ensure that this place that we have crafted with our own hands will remain the paradise that we yearn it to be.

hermes accepts this, for it is what his predecessor asked of him. he takes to it like a fish takes to water, managing the remote community with limitless devotion and a quiet kindness. the people in the fields whisper:

that hermes is so strange! did you hear? he denied the order to cancel that awful concept. he’s been trying to fix it for ages now. why go through the trouble?

that hermes transformed again to help in creating a gust for those creatures in zephyros! isn’t that so indecent?! i can’t imagine doing that myself for a bunch of tiny little creatures!

hermes stayed up all night trying to get those melanion to sleep. i hear they almost bit his hand off! i don’t know where he gets the patience for it…

hermes saved the new researcher from being gobbled up by a gurangatch! i’ve never seen someone run so fast– how brave of him! it makes you wonder if he has any regard for his own life!

how funny, how people can gossip so much about him when he’s just doing his job. it almost makes him want to scream, actually– what makes him so important compared to the creatures that they had all been charged to look after and protect? he can’t imagine how anyone has the heart to allow these creatures to come to harm, let alone kill them.

what makes a creature imperfect? what makes an ancient perfect? how is one better than the other? how does one have control over the other? was it truly their duty? to look down on the world and play the role of judge, jury, and executioner? it hardly seems fair.

he speaks his mind, sometimes. to fellow researches that have praised him to high heavens about his concepts, to those who have seen him everyday and surely must have understood his heart. there must be someone out there that thinks the same as him. that the way that they’ve been going about everything is wrong.

ah… no… to return to the star is beautiful, is it not? to have your aether go back to etheirys, to become the fuel for the world! you don’t think so?

ah, well… everyone has told me that this is just how it is, so i’d rather not go through the trouble of thinking differently… our lives are too comfortable to change things.

they’re just animals, aren’t they? as their creators, we need to make sure that they behave. if you don’t understand that, then why are you here?

you’re not meant to be here.

you’re not meant to be here.

you’re not meant to be here–

hermes spends many sleepless nights sitting at the edge of elpis, staring out at the stars beyond. it is very quiet. the wind blows through the leaves, tousling his hair as he perches on a stone, flowers staining themselves deep violet in his presence.

everyone’s elpis flowers… are white as snow. they truly don’t find any problem with living in the way that they have. it is bliss. it is ignorance. it is blindness that comes from staring directly at the sun for their whole lives. hermes feels like he is cloaked in shadow, ichor that sticks to his skin and stains him black. it makes him sick to his stomach.

there has to be… something better. something more than this miserable excuse of a paradise that everyone here insists etheirys is. something far beyond this star surely knows how to heal the ache in his heart. as he glances down to the blooms beside him, swaying amethysts in the breeze, he gets an idea.

in the endless blue that extends beyond elpis, he would find his answer. he would travel the whole universe, if need be. he just needed to make a messenger.

no matter what, he would make it so.

powers / abilities:

aether manipulation – a healing ability? a hurting ability? aether can be whatever the user desires to use it for. hermes’ abilities all involve manipulation of aether in some form, however for this specific power, i’ll state that this allows him to hit enemies with unaspected aether or, if needed, can impart aether to people in order to enhance their own abilities/heal from wounds.

wind-aspected magic – hermes has power over the winds, and can use them offensively or defensively depending on his needs. gusts as large as a small typhoon can be summoned under his command, along with gentle breezes that tickle the cheeks. one of his particular talents is being able to crystallize the wind itself into large panes of greenish-glass, which can be pushed and manipulated at will.

concept creation – hermes is able to manipulate aether in order to make living beings. he has a particular expertise with flying specimens, and has a liking for birds. that said, he can make other creatures as well. for xara cosmia’s sake, i’ll impose the following limits to his creative abilities:

3 small creatures a day ( such as sparrows )

2 medium creatures a day ( such as dogs/cats )

1 large creature a day ( such as big cats/horses )

transformation – hermes can change into an aerial form in order to further enhance his magical prowess. this form is a cloaked figure with a two long trails of feathers down his chest, along with wings so numerous that they’re difficult to count. always airborne, and capable of flying quickly for long distances. this form is quite large ( around 20 feet, i’ll say ) and incredibly strong. can carry people and other things easily, if needed. unfortunately, transformation is incredibly discouraged in ancient culture, so he very rarely does so.

inherent abilities:

affinity with animals – i don’t think this is necessarily a magical ability, but hermes, having spent so much time around animals, typically understands their intentions and can communicate with them in his own way. very creature savvy.

items / weapons:

caduceus staff – a herald’s wand that allows hermes to channel his magic and also communicate directly with his constructs. can be summoned and dismissed at will so long as he has the sufficient aether. would make for a good hiking cane.

ancient mask – a white mask with silver accents that covers the top half of his face. it has a sharp beak like part that sits on his nose.

convocation mask – red and scary looking. he kind of hates it.

starting ability: concept creation starting item: ancient mask extra:

behold! the first being in the world with depression!

he’s like 6’7” ( 200 cm )... my lanky tall weird bird dad

i also think he’s vegan. because of course he is

even if being an ancient sucks at least he has the ultimate executive dysfunction outfit ( huge snuggie )

i’ve been rotating this guy for almost two full years in my head but it was surprisingly hard to write an app for him. he’s just so sad. please understand

discord id: ofhermetica.

password: (through tears) i can fix him

[whatwillyoudodifferently]

Look, Louts! Lilies! - Yuri For A Hope-Flung Present and Hopeful Future

Look, I’ll be frank. I typically try to keep to a more formal tone when I write for this blog. I’m not in a formal mood. It is June October 2020, and I, like the rest of you, have been under quarantine for a little over three almost seven months now due to the Covid-19 virus. Throw in a eensy, teensy bit of massive political movements and change in response to police violence and racism, and an increase of police violence and racism in response to those movements, and I think it’s fair to say it’s been a tumultuous couple of months. Except, strangely, it also hasn’t been, because so much of this time has been characterized by ennui and isolation. Stressful, yet soul-numbing. In short, it’s been a very weird place to be in.

So, we’ve all found our different ways to cope. My sister’s way has been getting really into succulents(?), and my way has been buying digital manga and video games. I’ve finished stuff I’ve put off for literal years and bought stuff I had heard was good but wasn’t that hyped to get into. And somehow, the one thing I’ve really gotten into has been yuri? 

Now, yuri has a very long and rich history, as well as its own sets of conventions and nuances, so it is with a great, great, GREAT deal of respect that I say that I’m going to simplify it for this essay as “Japanese media with a particular focus on romance between women” for brevity’s sake. If you want to know more, there’s actually quite a lot that’s been written about it in English, but I’m aiming this essay at English-speakers who have had at least a little experience with yuri and more than just passing knowledge.

Because you see, I’ve found that yuri fans have a lot of things to say about yuri! And a lot of those things really bug me!! “Yuri is only fetish quasi-porn written by men,” “yuri is only bland wholesome fluff,” “yuri is only high school drama,” so on, so on. It made me mad, but it also made me realize something: a lot of people simply must not know how big this field of lilies truly is! How else can we get people saying “yuri is oversexualized” and “yuri is sexless” as gospel truth? Something’s not adding up here, guys!

So, all that is to say I’m doing something different for this blog: I’m writing up a recommendation list of yuri. A large chunk of it will be stuff I’ve read and can officially give my seal of approval to, while some of them are just titles I’ve heard of that I think will interest others. All of them have been specifically chosen to counter common untrue things I’ve heard about yuri as a whole. I hope you can find at least a few things on this list that you will enjoy and help you keep your head as the encroaching darkness lurches yet a few inches closer!

1. “Yuri is all schoolgirl stuff! Where’s the sci-fi, the period pieces, the action, the fantasy?”

Otherside Picnic

What It Is: A light novel series written by Iori Miyazawa (illustrated by shirakaba). Ongoing, four volumes at time of writing. The story is being adapted into a manga by Eita Mizuno, and an anime adaptation directed by Takuya Satou will be airing in January 2021.

What It’s About: It was on her third trip to the Otherside that Sorawo Kamikoshi almost died, and it was on that same trip she was saved by an angel. Toriko Nishina is a beautiful and confident young woman who also happens to have intimate knowledge of the Otherside, a dangerous yet captivating world that Sorawo can’t help but being drawn to. Toriko convinces Sorawo to join her on her expeditions to the Otherside, fighting off bizarre creatures that have somehow been ripped out of Japanese urban legends and finding strange artifacts in order to make a little extra cash-- all the while keeping an eye out for someone dear to Toriko’s heart.

What I Think: Otherside Picnic is heavily inspired by the novel Roadside Picnic by Arkady and Boris Strugatsky and features several creatures and scenarios from ghost stories, net lore, and-- there’s no other way to put this-- creepypasta. On paper this sounds deeply unoriginal, so it’s pretty surprising that OP has an incredibly strong identity. The idea of fusing horror with a yuri love story excited me enough the moment I heard about it, so when I finally got to read it for myself, I was delighted to find that the horror elements and the romance elements are both quite strong. 

I will say that thanks to the author’s commitment to following his sources of inspiration to the letter sometimes causes him to undercut his own writing (good example: in one arc there’s an ominous train that keeps being mentioned, causing the reader to dread its arrival with each passing page, but seeing what’s on the train will inevitably fall flat in comparison to the reader’s imagination), but those moments are made up by the more original moments-- the things that are left unseen and unexplained.

The place where the story truly shines is the relationship between the two leads. Sorawo and Toriko are great characters, both incredibly charming and deeply flawed, and they achieve a great chemistry with each other right off the bat. Sorawo is a very interesting protagonist, one who turns out to have a deeply tragic past that has made her into a reclusive, somewhat selfish young woman. What’s great is that Toriko, vivacious and confident, everything Sorawo isn’t, accepts this part of her, in a way. Toriko flat out admits she’s not looking for a particularly virtuous person to accompany her, but an “accomplice.” A big part of the appeal of OP is seeing these two “accomplices” bounce off each other, and eventually come to care about each other, all playing against a background of some genuinely spine-crawling horror. Otherside Picnic is a truly underrated series, and I deeply hope that the anime adaption next year will finally get it all the eyes it deserves (menacing phrasing very much intended).

Where To Get It: The light novels are published by J-Novel Club and can be found via various digital platforms and bookstores. The manga will be published by Square Enix Books starting May 2021. The anime will start airing on January 4th, 2021.

Goodbye My Rose Garden

What It Is: A manga by Dr. Pepperco. Three volumes, complete. It inspired a stage play that ran for a while in Japan, but not much information is available about it in English. 

What It’s About: Hanako has two goals: to meet Victor Franks, the mysterious author who pens the books she adores, and to become a writer herself. Despite having the mettle to travel to England on her own to pursue her dreams, she soons finds that it’s difficult for a young, unwed Japanese woman to dream in 20th century London. However, her luck seems to turn around when she meets Alice Douglas, a noblewoman who offers her a job as her maid-- as well as a surprisingly warm friendship. Alice even offers Hanako a way to meet her idol… but at the price of a horrifying request.

What I Think: In the afterword of Volume 1, Dr. Pepperco openly admits that Goodbye, My Rose Garden was the result of them trying to marry all of their favorite tropes (“Victorian maids! Loads of frills! An English family manor!” are some standout items), and this is apparent in the best way possible. GMRG is a lush period piece that will likely appeal to fans of movies like The Handmaiden and Portrait Of A Lady On Fire, with loving attention paid to details like clothes and settings. 

The relationship between Alice and Hanako is quite charming, with Alice supporting Hanako as much as she can while still taking every available opportunity to tease her, while Hanako constantly surprises Alice each time she shows her moxie and strength. It’s an adorable, sweet dynamic, yet a dark, melancholy weight lurks in the background in the form of Alice’s request-- in short, it’s a relationship that feels tailor made for me. Still, I believe this “darkness” never threatens to overwhelm the story, only enhance it in such a way that the reader will soldier on, hoping for a happy ending for our two leads. With an engaging plot and gorgeous art, this is a great manga for both longtime yuri fans and newcomers looking for an introduction to the world of yuri.

Where To Get It: Seven Seas Entertainment has translated the first two volumes, with the final one coming to English soon all three volumes into English.

Seabed

What It Is: A visual novel by paleontology, a Japanese doujin circle.

What It’s About: Mizuno Sachiko is a designer who is haunted by visions of Takako, her vivacious childhood friend and former lover. Narasaki Hibiki is a psychiatrist who wants to help Sachiko make sense of these hallucinations. Takako is… confused, trying to figure out why she keeps losing her memory and why she and Sachiko drifted apart despite being so close. Seabed is a story that spans the pasts and presents of these three women as they attempt to find and understand the truth.

What I Think: At first glance, Seabed seems simple, but it’s a bit of a hard story to explain. In a way, there isn’t much to explain-- it’s a very slow, down-to-earth story that gets almost tedious at times. I think it would be a hard sell to someone who isn’t used to visual novels, but I could imagine it being challenging even for fans. All I’ll say is this: if you give Seabed a chance, it will draw you into a surreal, gentle, melancholy tale akin to slowly sinking beneath the water of a strange, yet not unfriendly sea. For its simplicity, it’s got quite a few surprises in its long, long runtime, and any attempt to explain further will just ruin an experience that’s meant to wash over the reader over time. The only thing I’ll say is the one thing I think everyone knows: the climax will make you cry.

Where To Get It: Seabed is published in English through Fruitbat Factory and is available on Steam, Itch.io, and Nintendo Switch.

SHWD

What It Is: A manga by Sono. Ongoing.

What It’s About: Sawada is one of the few women working for the Special Hazardous Waste Disposal, and the only one in her office. But that changes when the stunningly-strong yet staggeringly-sweet Koga is hired, and the two become close in no time. Sawada trains Koga and soon the two go on their first mission to dispose of the “hazardous waste” left after a recent war… the dangerous, organic anti-human weapons known as the Dynamis.

What I Think: SHWD opens with several close-ups of Sawada’s arm muscles as she works out. I have found that page alone is sometimes enough to convince someone to read SHWD, and if not, pictures of Sawada and-- especially-- Koga are often enough to do the job. In all seriousness, what I love about SHWD can be summarized by something Sono said in an interview about the manga:

‘The first motivating force was "I want to write a yuri manga featuring strong women." I was very drawn to strong female characters by watching "PERSON of INTEREST" and "Assassin's Creed Odyssey." However, I felt that I should differentiate myself by doing something other than a "strong woman" and "weak woman" dynamic. So, I thought about coupling women with different types of strength. This is why all of the SHWD main characters are "strong women."’

It’s a mindset I love a lot. Koga is remarkably strong in a physical sense, but her mental fortitude is fragile due to her past experiences with the Dynamis, and as such, it’s Sawada who uses her immense mental strength to support her. Indeed, every character in SHWD so far bears intense trauma born of the Dynamis in some way, and it’s hard to see how their pasts still hurt them in the present. But that just makes it satisfying to see these women come together to support one another. SHWD drew me in with a unique and often dark action-oriented story with horror elements, but it’s this idea of “strong women” who make up for each other’s weaknesses that really makes it dear to me. 

Also, it can’t be stated enough that Sono is so so so so so (etc) good at drawing muscular women. 

On a completely unrelated note, there’s a side story about Koga and Sawada playing sports together. This includes judo. I am saying this for no reason.

Where To Get It: The English translation of the manga is released in chapters by Lilyka Manga.

Sexiled: My Sexist Party Leader Kicked Me Out, So I Teamed Up With a Mythical Sorceress!

What It Is: A two volume light novel series by Ameko Kaeruda, illustrated by Kazutomo Miya. Possibly complete.

What It’s About: Tanya Artemiciov is an absurdly talented Mage. So why the hell was she kicked out of her adventuring party? Her leader and former friend sums it up in four words: “You’re a woman, Tanya.” In a fit of rage, Tanya channels her anger into a “venting” session that involves swearing her head of and casting a volley of Explosion spells into the wasteland… and accidentally releases a legendary sorceress! Luckily, Laplace is actually quite nice, and just as powerful as the legends say, so the two decide to team up so Tanya can have her revenge!

What I Think: So, this is a silly one, but after a couple of darker entries I think it’s a good palate cleanser. Sexiled is a loud, not-even-remotely subtle, unabashedly feminist take on the “power fantasy” light novel, especially the “revenge fantasy” subgenre-- and even if that sounds awesome on paper to you (ex. me), it will probably feel over-the-top at times to you (ex. me). But in a way, that’s actually kind of its charm. 

I like that Kaeruda utterly refuses to let up on what she wants to tell you, especially because the story was inspired by a real case in Japan. One may be tempted to think “this story is ridiculous, no one would ever be this cartoonishly sexist!” and then you read a news article about how in a famous Japanese medical university was found rigging the test scores of women, and you realize, “oh, people are still this cartoonishly sexist.” So I’m fine with Kaeruda letting it all out in this story. At the same time, I think Sexiled is best when it’s focused not on Tanya’s revenge but on her kindness, and the way her compassion, her strength, and yes, her anger inspires the women and girls around her. 

Sexiled is a fun and often very funny romp about assholes getting theirs, with some surprisingly deep and nuanced moments hiding in a very unsubtle story.

Where To Get It: The light novels are published by J-Novel Club and can be found via various digital platforms and bookstores.

BONUS: Other titles with sci-fi/fantasy/action elements that may interest you!

The Blank Of Describer: A one-shot manga by kkzt about a pair of two dream-builders. They’ve taken all kinds of commissions in the past, but one job they recieve throws them for a loop: a request for a shinigami that can predict and report death. And then comes the kicker: the customer asks the two of them to give it features that the both of them “adore the most…” (Published in English by Lilyka Manga)

A Lily Blooms In Another World: A light novel by Ameko Kaeruda (illustrated by Shio Sakura), author of Sexiled, about Miyako, a Japanese wage slave reincarnated into another world based on her favorite otome game. However, she’s not interested in her would-be love interest, but in Fuuka Hamilton-- the game’s villainess! After Miyako confesses her love, Fuuka decides to give her a challenge: if Miyako can make her say the words “I’m happy” in fourteen days, she’ll stay by her side! (Published in English through J-Novel Club, available on various platforms)

Superwomen In Love: An ongoing manga by sometime about the sentai villainess Honey Trap and her infatuation with the masked superheroine Rapid Rabbit. After being kicked out of her evil organization, Honey Trap decides to team up with her former nemesis to fight evil-- and hopefully, find romance! (To be published in English by Seven Seas Entertainment, coming in April 2021)

2. “Yuri is all stories about teenagers! Where’s the stuff about adults?”

Take a look at the previous section: there’s the stuff about adults! Otherside Picnic, Goodbye My Rose Garden, Seabed, SHWD, Sexiled, The Blank of Describer, A Lily Blooms In Another World, and Superwomen In Love are all stories with adult-aged protagonists! But if you’re searching for a more down-to-earth romance, I’m happy to report there’s quite a bit of options to look into!

Still Sick

What It Is: A manga by Akashi. Three volumes, complete.

What It’s About: Makoto Shimizu is an office lady with a secret: she’s a yuri fan who draws doujinshi. She’s able to keep her two lives separate, all until the day she comes face-to-face with her co-worker at a convention! To Makoto’s horror, Akane Maekawa is amused by her nerdy secret, but Akane may have some secrets of her own...

What I Think: This one was a roller coaster for me: I loved the premise of the manga, but wasn’t sure about the dynamic between the leads… that is, until near the end of the first volume, where something happened and everything changed. Without giving too much away, I implore people to give Still Sick a chance-- it has a much deeper story than one might initially guess, as well as an interesting character dynamic between the two leads with some surprising turns.

Where To Get It: The first two volumes of Still Sick are published in English by Tokyopop, with the final one coming soon All three volumes have been published in English by Tokyopop.

After Hours

What It Is: A manga by Yuhta Nishio. Three volumes, complete.

What It’s About: After being ditched by her friend at a club, Emi Ashiana is ready to write the whole night off. All that changes when she meets Kei, a DJ who seems to be everything Emi is not-- cool, confident… employed.... But Kei and Emi hit it off and Emi’s life changes as Kei draws her into the world of Japan’s club scene!

What I Think: It’s hard to explain exactly why I like this manga, but I reeeeally like this manga. 

There’s just something about the sleek art, the amazing atmosphere of the scenes set in nightclubs, the chemistry between Emi and Kei, the focus on more mature topics.... it’s a manga that’s remarkably magnetic for how down-to-earth it is. It’s also just interesting to read stories about subcultures that don’t normally get a spotlight in comics. To sum it up, After Hours is just a lovely manga that’s severely underrated that’s perfect for someone who’s looking for a story that’s both fun and mature.

Where To Get It: All three volumes are published in English by Viz Media.

How Do We Relationship?

What It Is: A manga by Tamifull. Ongoing, five volumes at time of writing.

What It’s About: Miwa and Saeko’s first meeting is… interesting. But despite that, and despite their clashing personalities, the two of them become fast friends. Well… actually, perhaps more than friends. You see, pretty soon the two of them learn that the other is into women. With that in mind, Saeko suggests they try dating each other-- might as well, right? “Might as well” seems like a strange place to begin a relationship, but perhaps even something like that could end in true love?

What I Think: “Why do romances always end when they decide to start dating?!” That’s the question Tamifull poses in the afterword of Volume 1. And it’s a great question! What makes How Do We Relationship? an interesting manga is how oddly realistic it is, highlighting things like the compromises people make in relationships, people who get into relationships for pragmatic reasons rather than love, the whole “thing” about sex… as well as highlighting the additional issues queer people have to deal with. That may sound like a heavy story, but it’s actually quite light-hearted, as well as very, very funny at times. With a cute art style and surprisingly deep premise, HDWR is a great manga for older yuri fans who are craving a more mature story.

Where To Get It: The first volume has been published in English by Viz Media, with more on the way.

BONUS: Other titles with adult protagonists that may interest you!

Even Though We’re Adults: A manga by Takako Shimura about two women in their thirties. Ayano and Akari meet each other in a bar and almost immediately feel a sense of chemistry between them. There’s just one problem: Ayano is married to someone else. (To be published in English by Seven Seas Entertainment, coming in January 2021)

Doughnuts Under A Crescent Moon: A manga by Shio Usui. Uno Hinako wants nothing more than to be seen as a normal young woman, but she just can’t seem to make a “normal” romance work. But maybe Sato Asahi, a woman who works at the same company as her, can show her a new kind of normal? (To be published in English by Seven Seas Entertainment, coming in February 2021)

Our Teachers Are Dating: A manga by Pikachi Ohi. Hayama Asuka is a gym teacher, Terano Saki is a biology teacher. One day, they come into work both looking suspiciously happy… because they’ve started dating! (Published in English by Seven Seas Entertainment)

I Married My Best Friend To Shut My Parents Up: A one-volume manga by Kodama Naoko. Morimoto is sick and tired about constantly being badgered about finding a man to marry, so her kouhai from her high school days offers a solution: marry each other to make her parents back off! (Published in English by Seven Seas Entertainment)

Now Loading…!: A one-volume manga by Mikan Uji. Takagi has just snagged her dream job at a games publisher, but being put in charge of a mobile game that’s barely pulling in any attention isn’t exactly what she was hoping for. What’s worse, she’s drawn the attention of her strict higher-up Sakurazuki Kaori… who also happened to design her most favorite game of all time?! (Published in English through Seven Seas Entertainment)

3.  “Yuri is all schoolgirl stuff! Where’s- wait, didn’t we already do this one?”

Yes we did. And you know what? I’m making a stand! There’s a lot of really, really good yuri stories set in high schools, and I think more people need to give them a chance! Here are some high school titles that I think are worth a second look for one reason or another!

Bloom Into You

What It Is: A manga by Nakatani Nio. Eight volumes, complete. A twelve episode anime aired in 2018, covering about the first half of the series. A three volume spinoff light novel series written by Hitoma Iruma was also published.

What It’s About: Yuu Koito has long dreamed of the day she’d find That One, Storybook Romance that would make her feel like she was walking on air, but the day that a boy confesses to her, her feet remain firmly planted on the ground. When she meets Touko Nanami, a girl who seems to have the same strange, distant relationship to romance as she does, Yuu feels like she has found a comrade. But what will happen when the next person to confess to Yuu… is Touko?

What I Think: What can I say about Bloom Into You that hasn’t already been said? There’s a reason it’s basically considered a staple of yuri despite being only five years old. The art is beautiful and delicate, the story has a deft mastery of comedy, drama, and romance, and the characters are deeply loveable. Really, the only reason this one is here is to tell you to get to reading this manga (or watching the anime) if you haven’t already. So get to it!

Where To Get It: The entire series-- as well as the spinoff light novel series Regarding Saeki Sayaka-- has been published in English by Seven Seas Entertainment. The anime is currently streaming on HiDive.

Yuri Is My Job

What It Is: A manga by Miman. Ongoing, seven volumes at time of writing.

What It’s About: Hime wants nothing more than to be adored by everyone and to someday bag a rich husband. Of course, being loved by all takes a lot of work, and she prides herself in keeping her perfect, adorable facade so well-maintained. But of course, the one time she slips up, she ends up injuring the manager of a local cafe! Hime finds herself strong-armed into working for this cafe under their star employee, a kind, graceful girl named Mitsuki. But things aren’t quite so simple-- you see, this cafe has a gimmick in which all the employees are constantly acting out yuri-inspired scenes for the customers, so in a way, the employees also have their own facades. And under her facade, Mitsuki… hates Hime’s guts!

What I Think: Yuri Is My Job is an odd duck, but in a good way. It’s advertised and initially framed as a comedy, but it becomes a surprisingly thoughtful drama about the personas people adopt and why they do so (though, luckily, the comedy never truly goes away). There’s an interesting web of relationships between the girls, and having those interactions take place in a setting where they must act out a completely different sort of drama adds an extra level of drama and intrigue. The cute, polished artwork is just the icing on the cake. YIMJ is a good manga for those who are already familiar with yuri tropes and those who are interested in a drama that doesn’t get too heavy.

Where To Get It: Six volumes have been published in English by Kodansha comics, with the seventh on the way.

Riddle Story of Devil

What It Is: A manga written by Yun Kouga and illustrated by Sunao Minakata. Five volumes, complete. A 12 episode anime aired in 2014.

What It’s About: At Myojo Private School, an elite all-girl’s academy, Class Black has a secret. Twelve of the thirteen girls are actually assassins who have been offered a dark deal-- one wish will be granted to whoever manages to kill Haru Ichinose, the thirteenth student. But there’s still hope for Haru in the form of Tokaku Azuma, one of the assassins who has decided to defect to Haru’s side-- and defend her from the other girls at any cost.

What I Think: I’m not sure… if I can say Riddle Story of Devil is “good.” It’s definitely something. Although its premise is vaguely similar to Revolutionary Girl Utena, its tone and atmosphere remind me a lot more of the Dangan Ronpa series. It’s schlocky and ridiculous and often over-the-top and at times exploitative. It’s pure junk food, basically… and I believe that’s where the charm comes from. It’s my guiltiest of guilty pleasures. It may not exactly be good, but more often than not, it’s fun. It’s hard not to be immediately interested in a yuri battle series, you have to admit. 

And if it does have one undeniably good element, it’s Tokaku and Haru’s relationship. They contrast each other nicely, and while one might expect Haru to be boring and helpless, she’s actually quite proactive at times, and some of the most interesting, engaging parts of the series come from seeing how the two work together to fend off the latest assassin. It’s a short read and if anything, it’s worth it to see how each girl ends up. I recommend it for older viewers who are okay with violence and ludicrous battle scenarios.

Where To Get It: All five volumes are available through Seven Seas Entertainment. The anime can be watched through Funimation.*

*Please don’t watch the anime.**

** At the very least, please don’t watch the anime unless you’ve read the entire manga. Riddle Story Of Devil was one of those unfortunate cases where the anime adaption was produced before the manga reached its conclusion, and as such it has a very strange, rushed ending that includes none of what I enjoyed about the actual ending. Several scenes were also changed, and if I recall correctly, fanservice was added in several places where there was none previously. All in all, I’d really only recommend it for big fans of the series.

Side By Side Dreamers

What It Is: A light novel by Iori Miyazawa, illustrated by Akane Malbeni. One volume, complete.

What It’s About: Saya Hokage has been suffering from insomnia, but one day finds relief in the form of Hitsuji Konparu, a strange girl who can put people to sleep. As it turns out, Hitsuji is a person who has the special ability to move freely in their dreams, known as a “Sleepwalker.” The Sleepwalkers have been battling beings that possess people through their dreams, and it turns out they want Saya to join them in the fight.

What I Think: Side By Side Dreamers is short and… well, dreamy. I really enjoyed the premise and I think it’s a good novel for people who think Otherside Picnic may be a little too much for them. I also enjoyed each dream sequence-- I tend to find that the writing in light novels is a little dry, so the use of figurative language to describe these scenes was really refreshing and interesting. SBSD is a fun oneshot that I think is especially ideal for newcomers to yuri.

Where To Get It: Side-by-Side Dreamers is published by J-Novel Club and can be found via various digital platforms and bookstores.

Cocoon Entwined

What It Is: A manga by Yuriko Hara. Three volumes, ongoing.

What It’s About: Hoshimiya Girls' Academy is a strange, almost otherworldly paradise with a peculiar tradition. For all three years, each girl grows out her hair to absurd, breathtaking lengths, in order for it to eventually be cut and weaved into uniforms for future students. Perhaps it is these strange uniforms that seem to whisper about the past that makes the school seem frozen in another time… picturesque, yet stagnant. But one day, a shocking incident shatters the quiet peace of the academy, and the tumultuous feelings that have long been hidden in the hearts of these girls come rushing into the light.

What I Think: Cocoon Entwined is, in a word, eerie. It’s not marketed as a horror story, and I don’t think it’s intended to be one, but I’ve seen some that say they get horror vibes from it. I definitely understand that-- there’s a deep sense of unease that permeates the entire story in a way that’s a bit hard to articulate. The running thread of uniforms made from human hair definitely doesn’t hurt (it does-- I’ve seen many people understandably turned off by this element), but it’s more than that. It’s the sense that everything at Hoshimiya feels frozen and fragile. It’s the sense that everyone is burying their true feelings under countless layers. It’s the fact that in one scene, Saeki reaches out in a dark room full of uniforms and feels her arm touched by countless hands made of hair. 

Cocoon Entwined is a strange manga, and I feel it’s not for everyone-- besides the way many are put off by the central premise, the way that the story jumps around in time can be a bit confusing to follow. But in my opinion, I love it for these elements: the uniforms and their marriage between beauty and grotesque, the sense of frozen time, the delicate artwork that feels like it might be shattered by the weight of your gaze, the strange, airless atmosphere, the girls and their clear exhaustion of having to be ideal women. It’s a strange little series that I think should be given a shot, particularly if you want something a little more out there, or a darker take on Class S tropes.

Where To Get It: Yen Press has currently published two volumes in English.

BONUS: Other high school titles that may interest you!

A Tropical Fish Yearns For Snow: A manga by Makoto Hagino. Konatsu Amano has just moved to a new town by the sea, and must deal with her new school’s mandatory club policy. Luckily, she meets Koyuki Honami, an older girl who runs the Aquarium Club. Recognizing her loneliness, Konatsu decides to join her club. (Published  in English by Viz Media)

Flowers: A four-part series of visual novels published by Innocent Grey. Flowers focuses on Saint Angraecum Academy, a private high school that prides itself on overseeing the growth of proper young ladies. One notable thing about the academy is the Amitié program, a system that pairs students together in order to foster friendships between the girls. But friendship isn’t the only thing blooming… (Available in English from Steam, J-List, and JAST USA)

Adachi And Shimamura: A series of light novels written by Hitoma Iruma and illustrated by Non that has recently received a manga adaptation and an anime adaption. Adachi and Shimamura are two girls who encounter each other one day while cutting class. Little by little, the two girls become a part of each other’s lives, and feelings begin to form. (The light novels are published in English by Seven Seas Entertainment, the anime is licensed by Funimation)

And there we go! 24 different yuri titles. I didn’t even go into the series that I tried but personally didn’t like that still might interest other people. I primarily made this list to gush about yuri that I liked, but I also tried to include a fairly wide range of things so that, hopefully, any random person who read this whole list could find at least one new title that interests them. And I hope that includes you!

The yuri scene is quite large and wonderful if you know where to look, and it too often gets a bad rap. I hope that this list could give you a new perspective on what kinds of titles are available, and I hope it gives you something new to try. And remember: if you want something specific, try looking for it! There’s a good chance the story you’re craving is already out there, waiting to be discovered!

[ask-fantasy-sanders-sides]

So, wait, toes Remus know that Virgil is a dragon too?? if he does, did Virgil tell him or did he just figure it out?

It wasn’t too long after their escape from the prison complex that Remus got irritated.

He didn’t regret dragging the strange assassin along — after all, Remus probably wouldn't have been able to escape without him — but he was getting more and more frustrated with his lack of response to...well, anything.

Remus has attempted more than once to scare and/or gross the stranger out with diatribes of gore and violence, but that hasn't phased him at all. Really, Remus thinks he probably should have expected that response from a dark-elven warrior, but it was a little jarring to have his usual monologues accepted with little more than a cursory glare. It didn't help that he had to speak to the soldier in the goblin language, which neither of them knew well enough to share many complex ideas.

Then, there were his rages. Remus wasn't really himself in that state, and he knew he was quite the sight to those who had never heard of a barbarian. He's pretty sure that if he had some foggy awareness of the assassin being disgusted or even mildly intrigued by his berserk mode, he would have remembered them. As it stands, nothing.

Then, there was his trump card: The first time Remus let out his true form and went berserk on a few guards, the assassin barely even noticed the difference. Remus dismissed it at the time, assuming they had just been busy doing their thing and hadn’t seen him do it. But, as they were sneaking away from the castle spires the next day and he had to dispose of some noble-looking witnesses, Remus definitely saw the assassin look at his wings.

Still he made absolutely no reaction! He doesn’t seem to react to much of anything, unless he’s being mad at Remus for yelling too loud or missing a swing. Admittedly, being able to spark annoyance in the stuck-up soldier is a little fun, but even his moments of anger are few and far between.

This is the first and only time someone has seen Remus’s kick-ass undead angel wings and not had a damn thing to say about it, and Remus can honestly say he hates it.

So, now that they’re finally outside of the Colony walls (and Remus doesn’t have to worry about the assassin chewing him out for making a scene,) Remus smirks deviously at the unsuspecting drow.

“Hey! Watch this,” Remus shouts, then closes his eyes to focus.

He reaches deep inside himself to connect with that boiling mass of discordant energy — a frothing core of divine light that’s spoiling rotten and necrotic, burning away the mold, healing, and then spoiling again, over and over with each beat of his two hearts. As he’s practiced ever since he was a child, Remus grabs that energy and pulls it out, dismissing a weight in his stomach that he hardly notices until it's time to let go.

The instinctual protective glamor that hides his true form dissolves in the firelight of his true essence, as bone-like angel wings, void-like eyes, and a tidal wave of smoke pour out of Remus like air from a popped balloon. A sickly green glow outlines his irises, his scars, and emblazons the emblem of a sword over his chest. He can feel it as the energy unfurls, how the world spins and sears into focus, how his senses grow sharp and breathing is suddenly so much easier than it’s ever been before. This is what he truly is, how he really looks, and it is a figure that strikes fear and awe in every creature who has the misfortune of seeing it.

All except one. Apparently.

The assassin simply stares at Remus, stone-still as Remus’s whole fucked up magical girl cutscene plays out point-blank in front of him. The fear-inducing necrotic gas rolls past the assassin's feet and into his lungs, but nothing happens. A few seconds pass, and he still hasn’t moved, but he’s clearly not gone into shock or anything of the kind.

Eventually, the assassin gets the impression that Remus is expecting a response. So, he cocks his hip out to one side and folds his arms, mimicking the facial expression that he’s gathered humans make when they’re confused: a pointed eyebrow raise.

(Given his usual glowering expression, it comes across more like sass.)

The minute passes, and though Remus feels the smoke dissipate and his eyes and scars return to normal with a sinking feeling in his gut, the wings remain. Instead of dismissing them, Remus throws his arms out wide with a growl,

“Seriously? That’s it? You’re not scared!”

“Scared?” The assassin parrots lowly.

A wide smile stretches across his lightly-freckled face. In the space of a blink he’s behind Remus, gently peeling the barbarian’s tattered shirt away to get a better look at the base of his wings.

He lays one ice-cold hand against the divot between them, touching him clinically, like he’s trying to figure out how solid Remus's wings are. His hand smooths gently across the stump where flesh gives way to semi-transparent bone before Remus's brain catches up. He shrieks and jumps away from him,

“What the shit are you doing?!” Remus squeaks, eyes wide as saucers. He would be more embarrassed by how absolutely unthreatening he sounds right now if he didn’t still feel the shape of that hand on him like a brand.

(He decides that this is more because of the supernatural nature of his wings, and not because Remus hasn't been touched that carefully by another person since he was like eleven. He doesn’t have time to unpack that feeling whatsoever.)

“You told me to look.” The assassin teases, openly laughing at Remus’s expense.

Then, — and Remus could swear he’s doing it slowly just to make sure Remus sees him — the soldier takes a deep exhale, and his purple eye flashes a soft glow. Suddenly, his body evaporates until he is a cloud of shadowy smoke. This smoke quickly blends in with the surrounding darkness of the cavern, and before Remus can get a word in edgewise, the assassin has re-solidified and is poking his back again.

“StoOOP TOuching me!” Remus yelps and spins around to face him, face red as blood and hands up in a defensive position, “Since when could you do that?!”

The assassin rolls his eyes at this, his hands falling to his sides. Now he takes a moment to think, before reaching down to untie his dagger belt and pull his tunic loose.

“What are you doing?” Remus protests louder, covering his eyes with his hands.

The assassin doesn’t respond.

Though he’s reciting curses in his head and trying very hard to respect this stranger’s privacy, Remus’s curiosity quickly gets the better of him.

He peeks out between his fingers to find the soldier shirtless, his white hair parted and pulled over his shoulders. He looks up at Remus with a completely unimpressed stare.

The assassin reaches out to grab one of Remus’s hands, then turns to show Remus his back.

Remus stares for a moment, eyes tracing the thin, ragged lines of a latticework of scars. They stretch across and around the assassin’s back, some older and some deeper. Most seem to have been inflicted by animals or monsters rather than weapons.

Remus feels no sense of pity at the display — he’s got his own patchwork of scars and his own complicated relationship to them, but over all he sees them more as a mark of survival, as stories to tell. But, he is definitely curious, and his mile-a-minute brain is already spinning outrageous tales to match each and every mark.

Then the assassin guides his hand up towards the top of his back, just alongside his spine. The skin there feels leathery, and significantly warmer than the skin of the elf’s hand, though the heat seems to be emanating from someplace lower on his spine. It’s also slightly off-color, a bit lighter than the skin around it. Whatever this is, this scar is old.

Remus traces the outline of it up, then off to the side as it tapers to a thin line between his shoulder and the base of his neck. The assassin’s ears twitch at the gesture, and Remus’s hand flinches away.

He turns to look at Remus over his shoulder, his neutral grimace returned.

“We are the same. Shadow and wings. You are kitrye'maelthra, right?”

“I don’t know what that is.” Remus frowns, always frustrated when the assassin sneaks an elven word or two into their rare conversations,

“I’m not super good at reading energies, but you don’t feel like an angel… You have wings??”

“No.” He frowns, his gaze becoming soft and distant, “Not anymore.”

“Oh.” Remus sighs, now reeling at the possibilities.

What sort of dark elf grows wings, and how can they be removed? He winces at the phantom pain to his own wings as he parcels through every guess. Did a monster tear them off? The scar was so smooth, it seemed more like they had been burned away with acid. Did he fall into the pit of a living ooze, or maybe it was a punishment from some cruel cultist—

“Yours are broken.” The assassin pries, still staring at him while Remus zoned out.

“Broken? No they're not!”

“You have no skin.” The assassin remarks, like that should have been obvious, “And you look like a ghost.”

“Wait, skin? Like a bat?” Remus laughs, imagining it. He shakes his head, “I’m not supposed to have skin! —Well, I mean, I am, but also feathers. Y’know, like a bird?”

“Bird?” The assassin repeats, like he doesn’t understand the word. He probably doesn’t, goddamn Underdark.

“...Ehh, forget about it. I’ll show you one when we get up there.” Remus shakes his head.

The assassin pulls his tunic back up and re-ties it. While he waits, a sudden thought knocks Remus out of his gruesome imaginings.

He thinks he probably shouldn’t ask, but it takes him all of three seconds to snap and say it anyway,

“Hey,” Remus hums offhandedly, like he’s not extremely invested in knowing the answer, “If you could ‘go ghost’ or whatever this whole time, why didn’t you just poof yourself out of that cell?”

(“And why did you stay to help me?” Remus refuses to add, because he is not that attached to his little stray-criminal monsterboy, goddamnit. He refuses.)

The assassin doesn’t answer or turn back to him, simply staring off in the direction of their path.

Remus huffs and rolls his eyes,

“Fine, damn, keep your secrets. Bet you just can’t hold it that long~”

“Don’t xhandal me, lotha mal'dhalaruk. Usstan orn da'urzotreth dosst et'zarreth.”

“Again, I do not know what the fuck that is.”

[milkybonya]

hello smiling anon here :) can i request nct 127 as boyfriends? ur astro as boyfriends post was so cute :)

Anonnie im sorry i made you wait so long TT this is the busiest week of the year so far and i had to stay focused to prepare for it, but i hope you enjoy~

NCT 127 as boyfriends ♡

link to Astro version

Warnings: food mentions

what i listened to while writing: To My Youth by BOL4

Taeil

sweet to the MAX

always singing around the house and serenading you

multiple movie nights with you in one week where you eat a whole bunch of junk food together and cuddle the entire time ;3;

becomes flustered very easily when you reach for his hand or hug him because he doesn't like skinship

but strangely with you, his heart skips a beat??

helps you when you're stressed by enveloping you in a hug and not letting go until you feel better

not overly clingy but not distant either - he's the perfect bf !!

knows when to give you space and when he needs to invade your space and give you lots of kisses >:)

not big on fancy dates, just wants to bask in your presence

wherever he is, as long as you're there, he's happy

i don't know why but i imagine his hand getting clammy when you hold it because he's so nervous,, then he gets all shy and embarrassed about it :")

Johnny

always taking photos of you

literally has a folder in his phone named '[y/n]'

so whipped for you omg he literally giggles any time you lock eyes

so EMBARRASSING cause of all the bad jokes he cracks and how tough he tries to act

"[y/n] do you wanna feel my arm muscles?"

waking up next to him each morning would involve you thinking he’s asleep and staring at him until he pulls you closer into his chest and presses his lips to your forehead ;3;

takes you on really creative dates like going to markets, going for drives, walks through unknown paths

if y’all are not seeing each other in person, he’ll constantly be texting or calling you

always sends you photos of things that remind him of you

the type to pretend he’ll give you your coat, then he doesn’t, but then he does because he loves you :”)

quite clingy in the sense that he always wants to be near you, holding your hand, hugging you, kissing you, whatever it may be

Taeyong

such a sweet and loving bf :”)

the type to buy you flowers and be that classy, romantic boyfriend

he’ll leave handwritten notes around the house and will send you good morning texts if you guys are apart from one another

the two of you are definitely the cool couple

but you’re also the couple who laughs hard about the most random things

like Taeil, knows when to give you space and when he should be there for you

will respect your sense of independence and root for you to succeed in your own things!

but also gets clingy sometimes and just wants a few hugs and kisses :”)

acts cute and pouts in front of you a lot 

but only in front of you, never in public or in front of anyone else

listens carefully whenever you’re sad and lets you rest your head on his shoulder, cry all over him - he lets you do whatever you need to do to be happy again, and he’ll try his best to cheer you up too :D

Yuta

loves reading with you, it’s one of his favourite things to do :”)

sometimes just ends up staring at you which leads to him pulling you towards him which leads to cuddling while reading and for him to kiss the top of your head an infinite amount of times

omg he will let you braid his hair or play with it or do all kinds of things to it

painting each other’s nails !! and searching for unique accessories in stores!

he’ll just buy an accessory and give it to you like “i just know this will look good on you, please try it on!”

i feel like he’ll be very honest with you about everything

so you both have nights when you talk for hours about your thoughts

and in the morning forget all about it by watching something while in bed hehe

will like exercising with you from time to time so you both stay healthy!

always thinking about you and your health, both mental and physical

you might be able to convince him to get a couple outfit :o

Doyoung

Like Johnny, likes taking photos of you but does it a bit more shyly

puts on a cool front all the time but he’s quite shy ;-;

loves to bake with you and actually takes it quite seriously

he’ll chase you around if you smudge batter on his face >:)

makes home dates fancy by lighting so many scented candles that the smell actually becomes unbearable

when you go on walks together, he’ll hide behind you every time he sees a dog, and you always have to apologize to the dog owners on his behalf because he’s scared :”D

likes to lie on top of you when you cuddle, with his weight on his legs which are on either side of you so he’s not crushing you, just so he can trace the shape of your face with his fingertips

if you cry, he cries and if you laugh, he’ll laugh - i feel like that’s how he’ll comfort you, by empathizing :”)

likes to go on car rides with you where the two of you are just singing songs 

always makes sure you’re eating your meals and staying hydrated - brings you food if you’re busy or forget

gets you really thoughtful gifts for special days but also throws a few meme gifts in there

Jaehyun

that bf who invites you to watch him play basketball just so he can take off his shirt in the middle of the game and watch as your face turns red

i feel like he’ll tease you in that ^ way a lot - he’s always trying to fluster you

he likes peaches so imagine going peach picking with him !! you’ll take such cute photos together and if he’s taller than you, he’ll pick all the peaches that you can’t ;3;

always trying to cheer you up whenever you’re sad - why can i picture him doing aegyo TT

this one time it rained when you were on a late night walk with him and he took off his jean jacket, held it above your heads as you ran home, but you ended up wet anyway :”)

super comforting whenever you’re sick or don’t feel good

constantly complimenting you and shows you lots of physical affection

always hugs you when he sleeps because if you’re not there, he’d just be hugging the blanket instead

not incredibly sentimental but always tries his best to show his love for you

tried to make breakfast in bed for you and dropped a whole bunch of cutlery on the floor :D

went through your phone and saved his name as ‘peach’ in it

Winwin

(this is from WayV as boyfriends, that’s why it looks a little different <3)

SOFT ANGEL

SOFT SOFT SOFT

did i mention he’s soft?

always worried about you 

genuinely cares about your feelings

a lot of “are you okay?” and “you’re not mad at me, right?”

if you’re ever in a bad mood, he’ll run to the store real quick and grab your favourite food for you

A LOT OF CUDDLES AND LAZY MORNINGS

he doesn’t like skinship but loves to hold you :’)

too shy to show affection in public tho

will hold your hand at the most

even if he does that, he’ll hold your hand in your pocket because he’s so shy

pls protecc him at all costs

is willing to do anything for you

sometimes you have to ask him how he genuinely feels about something

because he can’t say no :(

please make sure you tell him you love him regularly, or he’ll be sad :(

a lot of stay-at-home dates like watching movies

watchiNG ANIME (if you like it, of course)

“let’s just do whatever you want”

wiLL CRUSH YOU IN MOBILE GAMES

“i beat you! now give me a kiss >:)”

Jungwoo

if you also like to eat, y’all will have the most epic food dates omg

literally travelling to countries just to try the food there - that’s what it will be like

most of your dates involve food, but also a lot of walking dates so you can burn it off :”)

yet also many movie nights on the days where you don’t want to walk

he’ll learn your speaking habits and will imitate you whenever you get annoyed or angry 

likes to play soccer with you, even if you’re bad at it (so he can tease you), but if you’re good then he’ll enjoy trying to beat you

he’s the one who roasts you the most yet also cares for you the most

likes to kiss your neck because he can smell your natural scent, but if you hate it then he’ll do it to tease you or he’ll stop if you seriously tell him to

imitates kdrama male actors and actually makes your heart flutter by doing those things

and when you see the actors kissing in a drama,,,, you already know what he’s about to do

when you’re upset, he’ll hug you tightly and stay with you until you feel better

Mark

y’all have a shared playlist that you always add songs to so you can listen to it during car rides or when cuddling 

he keeps everything and anything you give him, whether it be a candy wrapper, flowers, a belt, shoes, anything

prepares really sweet gifts for you - a lot of songs or meaningful things

claims that you’re his muse and sometimes just stares at you for 5 minutes whenever you drop by his studio

“you’re my sun, i’m photosynthesizing so just stay right there”

he’s shy and gets flustered easily when you kiss or hug him, even when you just hold his hand

you have a tradition with him each fall where you go to a park, gather all the leaves to make a pile so you can dive into it

usually ends with you falling on top of him and the two of you just laying there for a long time

voice calls that last for more than 8 hours will become a thing when you date him :”)

always jokes about things related to marriage like ‘wow imagine if we had our wedding here’ and laughs awkwardly but he’d actually love to marry you 

takes you on trips that he claims are for him to get inspiration for music writing but he really just wants to spend time with you

Haechan

you already know what you’ve signed up for, right? chaos, absolute chaos - but in the best way

super clingy, always holding onto your arm or hand

whines when you don’t give him hugs or attention

bought a big plushie that reminded him of you so he can hug it when you’re not there and he misses you

he’s such a baby omg he’ll love being babied by you

makes hand crafted, diy gifts that clearly have his entire heart and soul in them

likes singing karaoke songs with you because if too you’re shy to sing alone, at least when he sings with you, he can hear a bit of your voice

cannot live if you’re sad or upset - he’ll do anything to help you feel better

cuddling is his favourite thing on this planet and he’ll wrap his legs around you so the two of you become an entangled mess, yet somehow are still comfortable

texts you random things like ‘i just saw a dog’ but also says stuff like that out loud to you

acts strong and cool sometimes like when you’re watching horror movies but fails miserably :(

ah, have you made it to the bottom? thank you for reading <3 were you by any chance looking for a sign? because this is it, this is your sign. i wish you luck with whatever it is that you must or must not do ;3;

[mst3kproject]

The Neanderthal Man

Since I'm taking a break from fishmen, I might as well let Bigfoot catch up a bit.  The Neanderthal Man isn't exactly a Bigfoot movie, but it’s along the same lines and its entire starring cast has MST3K pedigrees.  Robert Shayne was in Indestructible Man and Teenage Caveman. Richard Crane was Rocky Jones, Space Ranger! Beverly Garland was in Swamp Diamonds and Gunslinger. Even the composer, Albert Glasser, wrote music for Invasion USA, Last of the Wild Horses, and almost all of MST3K’s Bert I. Gordon movies.

Some little mountain town in the middle of the Sierras (which the Portentous 50's Narrator takes some trouble to tell us is a primeval place where 'the defacing hand of civilization has fallen but lightly') is having a rash of saber-toothed tiger sightings!  At first these are laughed off, but when the game warden himself sees one cross the road in the middle of the night, it's time to do something about it.  The warden shows a cast pawprint to Dr. Ross Harkness in Los Angeles, who is interested enough to come up and see for himself. Local Mad Scientist Dr. Groves pooh-poohs the whole thing, which is enough to tell me that we're not dealing with a local cryptid here.  Somebody is making prehistoric monsters.

So... I may not have actually run out of movies, but I seem to be running out of plots, because this is a remarkably similar movie to Monster on the Campus. The major difference between the two films is that Dr. Blake turned himself into a caveman by accident, while Dr. Groves here is doing it on purpose.

Another difference is that Monster on the Campus' story, while silly, was linear – events escalated in a way that felt logical, and there were reasons why things happened when and where they did.  By contrast, The Neanderthal Man feels like a first draft.  At the beginning of the film, we're dealing with the saber-toothed tigers that Groves has been creating by injecting cats with his de-evolution serum.  We hear about these slaughtering game and livestock, and it seems like only a matter of time before they move on to human beings.  The beginning of the film is quite upfront about the fact that Groves is responsible, too, as it is only mildly mysterious in its depiction of one of the creatures escaping his lab.

Sometimes the saber-tooths are represented by an actual tiger, usually filmed from behind or at a great distance so nobody has to put the prosthetic teeth on it.  They do have prosthetic teeth, but they're only visible in a couple of shots. Imagine being at a bar and some guy tells you his job is sticking fake fangs on real tigers for a caveman movie!  For close-ups, there's a hilarious puppet head that looks like the sort of thing you'd see mounted on a frat house wall as a joke.  The director had the sense not to linger on this in motion shots, but later we see still photographs Groves has supposedly taken of his experimental subjects and they're even stupider-looking than we imagined.

Anyway, this goes on for a while with rising action, as the game warden goes to get Harkness and they manage to shoot one of the animals, only to have it vanish from the kill site when they try to show it to Groves (the movie never bothers to explain how that happened, incidentally. The ending suggests that the creatures change back when they die, but there's definitely no dead kitty cat at the scene, either).  The whole movie could easily have just had the cats and their creator as the antagonists, perhaps even ending the same way as Dr. Groves proves his work to the other characters by injecting himself. That's not what happens, though.  Instead, the story mostly forgets about the cats one we find out Groves has also been carrying on human experiments.

(Before himself, Groves' first experimental subject was his disabled Latina housekeeper.  Another series of photos show her half-transformed into a cavewoman who for some reason is wearing drag queen false eyelashes.  And as long as I'm talking about the movie being gross and bigoted, there's a bit where a woman is violently raped.  This happens off camera, but the audience is not allowed to entertain any illusions about it.)

The problem is that before we see him give himself an injection in the arm, we have had absolutely no indication that Groves has been giving his serum to anything besides the cats! Cats are stealthy, cryptic creatures and if one of those has been seen wandering around killing things, then surely a full-on caveman beating people to death would not be able to stay out of sight!  If what we were seeing were the first time Groves had tried the formula on himself then that would be an explanation, but his notes reveal that he's been doing it for so long that he's on the verge of losing control of the transformation and permanently reverting to a pre-human status, as indeed he does for the climax.  Much like the stupid dinosaur in The Beast of Hollow Mountain, the movie's main monster is given no build-up whatsoever!

There's worse yet, though.  The main characters, Dr. Harkness and Groves' daughter Jan, are barely involved in the 'caveman' part of the plot. They get phone calls about the various murders that Groves is committing in caveman form, and they snoop around the lab to figure out things the audience already knows.  The same story could have been told without them, perhaps with the game warden and the hunter as protagonists, and it would probably have been more interesting. The script also repeatedly has Dr. Groves wander in and bluster about how the tiger sightings are hallucinations and tall tales, which seems a little unnecessary when we already know he's responsible. The film-makers can't seem to decide whether they want us to know that or not.

Dr. Groves wears glasses.  Maybe the reason his primitive alter-ego is angry and breaking shit (although it does politely open and close the window it climbs out of, which made me laugh) is because it can't see. This is also my theory about why the Hulk smashes, and what do you know?  In Avengers Endgame he's got Hulk-sized spectacles and only smashes when he's told!

The direction of The Neanderthal Man can probably best be described as 'serviceable'.  It shows us what's going on, but doesn't particularly add anything to the proceedings.  The 'Neanderthal' mask is immobile and uninteresting, not much better than somebody's Party City Sasquatch costume.  Even the eyes are just painted on, meaning the poor guy in the costume can’t do much because he can’t see where he’s going.

The dialogue is often very strange, with characters talking like they're in a Jules Verne novel. If only one person did this, it might seem like a character quirk – it works for Dr. Groves, for example – but it's everybody. Seeing the cat carcass is gone, Harkness declares, “I refuse to believe in the supernatural!  There must be some logical cause and effect to this unholy adventure!”  Groves' fiancee Ruth berates him for ignoring her, saying, “I want you, the man I once knew!  The good companion, the cheerful friend.  I want the happiness we once found in each other.”  It's bizarre to listen to, and often audibly awkward for the actors.

Monster on the Campus was kind of trying to be about how humanity must choose to evolve away from our inner savage, although the finale didn't bear that out.  There's a scene in The Neanderthal Man in which this movie seems to be trying to go in the opposite direction, saying that we were never savage to begin with.  Dr. Groves is speaking to a panel of scientists about the size of the brain in various 'primitive' species of human.  He points out that by the time we reached Homo erectus we were already working with four times the cerebral jelly of a chimpanzee, and argues that our ancestors would have been recognizably human in their behaviour and problem-solving capacity.

(Amusingly, his chart of human evolution includes Piltdown Man, which was proven to be a hoax literally a few months after this movie's release.  What makes this even more tragic for the writers is that their list of primitive humans seems to be the only place where they actually did any research.)

The problem with Dr. Groves' theory is that he already knows it's wrong. We soon learn that he's been experimenting on himself with his serum for a while already, and his notes show that he knows very well he regresses into a near-mindless animal.  The movie does not even try to reconcile these ideas.  If Groves were continuing his experiments in the hope that perfecting his serum would give him a more accurate reconstruction of ancient man, that would be one thing, but the script never goes there.

So now that we've had two 'man turns into caveman by injecting science juice' movies, of course I have to ask which one is better.  Monster on the Campus wasn't a good movie but it was definitely an improvement on The Neanderthal Man in several respects, and although I don't have any way to find out for certain, I suspect it was an intentional remake.  It's definitely more entertaining and gets bonus points for including the Meganeura dragonfly, but nothing in it is nearly as funny as The Neanderthal Man's fake tiger head.  I guess if you're gonna watch one or the other, stick to Monster on the Campus, but if you're gonna watch both, start with The Neanderthal Man and do them in chronological order, the better to spot the inspirations and references.

Before I go, a fun paleontology fact: current thinking is that the saber-toothed cat's eponymous fangs actually didn't show when it had its mouth closed!  There are zero cave paintings or ancient sculptures of a saber-tooth cat with teeth visible, and when scientists looked at the structure of the enamel in the canines, it suggested that in life the teeth were hidden by big, fleshy, St Bernard jowls.  Google 'smilodon lips' and behold how this looks fully three hundred percent more ridiculous than you're imagining.  I love nature.

[maxwell-grant]

Can we talk about the Black Bat both in general, and and how he may have been an influence on two superheroes (Dr. Mid-Nite and Daredevil) and a supervillain (Two-Face), but was proven in a court of law to have no connection with the superhero who immediately comes to mind (Batman).

Having finally read a couple of his original stories and runs, yeah I got some thoughts on him. 

While not the first bat-themed pulp character, nor the first fictional detective with a disability turned superpower (that would be Max Carrados, who actually was blind), Black Bat’s main claim to fame nowadays is his correlation to superheroes with the mixed traits he has that would all become massively popularized by characters who debuted afterwards. Regarding the Batman lawsuit, it wasn’t so much proven that they have no connection, as much as the publishers of both characters argued they did it first, and then agreed to stay out of each other’s territory, with Batman staying out of pulp magazines and The Black Bat staying out of comics (not that it would stop his publishers from rebranding him as “The Mask” and doing comics).

Black Bat actually couldn’t have inspired Batman, because Batman debuted 4 months prior. Plus, both were already ripping off the same guy, and both of them were far from the first bat-themed pulp characters at the time. And the idea that he inspired Daredevil I find too much of a reach. Dr Mid-Nite I can definitely see the resemblance, and while Two-Face doesn’t have much similarities to Tony Quinn past the origin and the anti-hero aspects, “handsome crusading District Attorney disfigured after getting splashed in the face by acid goes on a rampage” is not exactly vague enough of a concept to pass for coincidence. Two-Face debuted just 3 years after Black Bat, while Bat was still a pretty successful character (he managed to outlast nearly every other pulp hero), so it’s very possible that Kane and Finger had a look at Black Bat’s origin and used it as the basis for their Jekyll & Hyde-themed villain. 

Okay so, that’s that for Black Bat, but what’s the character actually like? What’s there to him other than historical oddities? Does he have what it takes to survive and thrive again in a modern landscape?

The thing that sticks out to me about Black Bat is that he is a pulp character who feels like he was designed specifically with the arrival of the superheroes in mind, as when comic book superheroes began to carve a space for themselves, one of the responses the pulps had was to put out new heroes intended to be a part of both worlds, hybrids of pulp heroes and superheroes who could try to capture success in either format, characters like Ka-Zar and Black Hood who started in one and then jumped to the other. 

Black Bat’s got a lot of the usual hallmarks of dark detective pulp heroes and his adventures are largely him battling ordinary criminal masterminds and gangsters, but he’s got an iconic costume, he’s got a super dramatic origin story that the stories keep coming back to (unlike most pulp heroes whose origin stories are not usually mentioned), and he’s got superpowers brought in the aftermath of a tragic accident. Not just skills anyone can have by training hard enough, actual superpowers, even if they don’t see as much usage as his pulp hero skillset. 

To the world that knew about him, Anthony Quinn, once a virile, upstanding representative of law forces whose name had held terror for evil doers, was now an impotent blind man whose sight had been permanently destroyed by acid thrown at him in a crowded courtroom, and whose face was horribly scarred about the eyes. For a long time he had seemed to live in a world apart.

Such actually had been the case during the long months when Tony Quinn had lived in a sea of blackness. But Nature had been as kind as possible, giving him something in return for what had been taken from him. As a result he had since realized that his senses of feel, smell, and hearing were far more acute than formerly. Under his sensitive fingers whatever he touched had begun to tell strange new stories. His sense of smell had sharpened. His ears had become the ears of a hound, picking up with ease and sifting multitudinous sounds that once had been inaudible.

More months had gone by until, in the darkness of a lonely night, a girl with golden hair and blue eyes hadcome in through an open window like an angel out of nowhere to offer him hope where eye specialists had said there was no hope. Through a delicate operation by an unknown small town surgeon the corneas of the eyes of Carol Baldwin's policeman father - dying from paralysis brought on by a gangster bullet - had been given to him. An extraordinary thing had occurred. When at last Tony Quinn had been allowed to remove the bandages, he had been astounded by the miracle that had happened. His were the eyes of darkness as well as the eyes of day!

Interestingly also, Black Bat actually became one of the most prolific of pulp heroes when brought over to Germany. When German publishers Pabel decided to reprint a couple of Black Bat novels for the KRIMINAL-ROMAN serial, they discovered “Die Schwarzen Fledermaus” was somehow so popular that in 1962, they retitled it Fledermaus (Bat) and ran with it, reprinting all the original 60+ stories and then, when those ran out, creating 900 more at least. In fact, it seems like they are still publishing Black Bat stories even today, and now that he’s public domain it’s something just about anyone could get into.

Problem with that is, it’s not easy to conceive of The Black Bat having any kind of substantial popularity again, when he’s doomed by design to always be compared to Batman, to always just be seen as first glance as “oh it’s earless Batman with Daredevil’s shtick and Two-Face’s backstory”, and of course he doesn’t have a chance in hell of playing catch-up to the popularity of those characters (well, at least outside of Germany). Whatever niche he could have as an alternative to Batman is also null by the fact that said niche of Not-Batmen is already filled out quite extensively. He doesn’t have an incredibly strong personality the way Batman and The Shadow do, nor is he, despite being ostensibly a serial killer, enough of a trigger-happy anti-hero to latch on to the appeal of characters like The Spider or Punisher. The latest Black Bat comic run by Dynamite played up his ruthlessness, outlaw status and drew him on the covers perpetually holding guns and often with a big creepy smile. But smiling murder pulp Batman is already a niche that Midnighter fills considerably better than Black Bat ever could. So what’s left for him?

If I had to find a unique niche for Black Bat, I’d play his unique traits in ways that separate him from the super characters that ran with those later. I’d ditch the whole “oh woe is me I’m poor and helpless because I’m blind” shtick that’s terribly condescending to actually blind people, and make him at least truly blind in some form. Maybe he’s blind by day and by night he sees too much, or maybe his vision has some terrible secrets that go beyond mere enhanced eyesight. Maybe his powers are growing and expanding in ways he doesn’t know where they will lead him. But alongside that, one take on the character could be based on the fact that he really has nothing to lose. He is not Batman, he is not The Shadow, he isn’t Daredevil, he’s got little reputation to speak of, and he’s never going to be any of those characters.

He’s lost the position he’s coveted his whole life, he’s lost the respect of his peers, his former professional ethics don’t mean shit now, he’s had a long and painful brush with darkness that scarred him for life in ways both literal and metaphorical, and in the aftermath he’s begun spontaneously developing abilities that would be incredibly painful and uncomfortable for an average person to just develop without years of growing up with them. And then, a mysterious woman walked through his window one day, gave him the eyes of a dead man, and now he sees things in ways no person was ever supposed to, and now he goes around at night terrorizing and killing criminals in an animal-themed costume. 

The most he has to lose currently is the life of his sidekicks who’ve worked very hard to help him heal and focus and find a new purpose, which only means that they are on the chopping block everytime you wanna give a gut punch to Tony Quinn. And no matter how famous, or even great, his adventures are, or how prolific and successful he is or even has been, he’s always going to be the Bat-themed superhero who couldn’t cut it. He’s Not-Batman, stripped of all the grand splendour and allmighty self righteousness and reputation and role as foundational figure of an entire genre and most popular bestest superhero of all time ever praise be thy Bat God, sharing more traits with one of Batman’s most personal and tragic villains than the titular character.

That’s not an indictment, that just means that Black Bat ultimately should have more narrative freedom, since he is unburdened by reputation and status. He is a public domain nobody best known by his association with characters who eclipse him in popularity, who’s always going to have that accursed Bat prefix and costume to damn him by association, so why not work with it? He could be the character you go into to tell stories that you couldn’t tell with Batman or other big name superheroes, the grimiest, sickest, even weirdest crime tales of all. What does the Black Bat have to lose?

Those who have nothing to lose stand everything to gain, after all.

Also, Masks 2 once presented an alternative version of the character called The Black Bats, who dresses like a baseball player and dual-wields baseball bats, which is nutty and I’d definitely prefer Black Bat to ditch the generic pulp hero guns and instead just go crazy batting everything in his way.

“I gotta tell ya, this is pretty terrific! Hahahahah, yeah!”

[grimoireoffolkloreandfairytales]

Balkan Bestiary: Zduhac

This creature is exceedingly popular in Balkans, and stories of it ( in various forms and spellings) can be found all across Montenegro, Albania, Serbia, Croatia, Macedonia, Bulgaria and Bosnia and Herzegovina.

Their defining characteristic is that zduhac is a human being whose soul has ability to leave their body and ascend in sky, where they either fight malicious spirits causing storms and  elemental catastrophes, or  they themselves go out to combat and harm their rivals and neighbours. The soul is usually invisible, but it can assume form of some bug- such as moth- or even dragon.

They usually look like ordinary people, though some traditions attribute them ‘’tells’’ that can vary from being little more hairy, over having superhuman strength, to going through life in dreamy and mournful fashion. When zduhac notices trouble approaching, either by gathering of dark clouds or sensing other spirits, they will go away somewhere, or barricade themselves in their home, and not come out until storm is over and winner is decided.

There are many, many names for this creature/ type of magical ability, as it is extremely widespread, and in some cases names vary from region to region. While this can apply to many creatures, in this case it is very prominent, whether due to lore being prevalent and popular among populace, or interest of folklorists.

Zmajevit: This term means ‘’dragonlike’’ and refers to spiritual and sometimes blood conenction these people have with dragons. Aside from this, there is general use of term as epithet to describe great, courageous and strong heroes.

Alovit: This term means ‘’ala-like’’ and it’s origins are covered in this post about creatures in question.

Zduhać: The root of this word is ‘’duh’’, which is word meaning spirit.

Stihija: This word can mean unfortunate situation or calamity, but it’s original meaning seems to have been a great storm or weather catastrophe. It may be derived from Greek stihio or Albanian stuha, and above mentioned zduhac may have been derived from it.

Vjedogonja: Is bit archaic, but I believe that it means something like ‘’dhrouded in air’’ or ‘’one who pursues winds’’

Vjetrovnjak: A folk term that means something along lines of ,,the windling.’’

Oblačar: Could be translated as ‘’the cloudy one.’’

Gradobranitelj: Means quite simply ‘’defender (from) hail.’’

Vremenjak:  Could probably be translated as ‘’weatherling’.’

Vilovit: While this term in general use is archaic dialectic way of calling somebody mad, in this context it means ‘’fairylike, fey-touched’’. Those two are connected, as vilas ( fairies) sometimes have ugly habit of driving people mad.

When zduhac’s soul exits their body, it does so through trance. The body will lay down, and be still, as if zduhac is in deep sleep or nearly dead, but it will still twitch, and every wound earned in battle shall be transferred to it. Some traditions claim that if body is interfered with in any way, even something minor like turning it over, soul won’t be able to return. Some descriptions of trance resemble epilepsy seizure, and indeed legends may have been based upon it.

Zduhac’s ability to astrally project themselves, their sometimes attributed abilities of healing, prophecy and cursing cattle and crop, alongside with fact that they often fulfilled same function as folk healers and magicians ( to use english term that’s very popular, cunning folk) has led some anthropologists to believe belief in zduhaci is remnant of  prechristian shamanistic traditions, and compare them to similar people in other cultures, such as say, Italian benandenti. While this theory holds water, it is important to note that there isn’t much concrete evidence for it, and that European anthropologists are sometimes very quick to use word shamanistic improperly ( not all of them, of course, especially ones who come from cultures and regions where such living spiritual traditions still thrive, and often gets misinterpreted).

Anybody could be zduhac ( according to some claims, even animals!) but generally it is a strong man, in peak of his prowess, or a respected elder. Fact that zduhac’s enemy is traditionally feminine ala, and that they are sometimes contrasted with witches ( who traditionally attack their own closest kin and friends first), leads to some interesting ponderings.

Historically, we have many, many records of named and famous zduhaci across various regions. This is result s combination of dedicated research by folklorists, people generally knowing who is who three villages over and keeping that alive in folk memory, and fact that in certain places and times it was more or less social function of village. Some famous and beloved rulers were said to be zduhaci, but I feel safe saying this is unlikely, and probably propaganda, especially as those claims generally arose after their deaths, and were way of honouring leaders people found important and heroic.

How they are accepted by community is pretty interesting thing to me. Generally, zduhac is respected and honoured, as they fulfill extremely important function, and are guardians of their community and adore it whole heartedly. However, they can be described as strange, eccentric and uncanny, which may be partially due to fear of retaliation if one offends zduhac, but also because they can sometimes be sort of tolerated social outcasts; hermits, men who never married, thoughtful and private people, people too smart or opinionated for their close community, people with epilepsy...

Zduhac is primarily positive figure, however that too depends on your relation with them, like with people. If you anger zduhac it may retaliate, either by letting hail take down your vineyard, or sending pox upon your livestock. Also, traditionally zduhac attacks and threatens surrounding villages, particularly ones that have fed with their own, to point that some legends claim that all storms are result of rival zduhaci wrestling for dominance.

How person becomes zduhac depends on several sources:

It may be a sort of trade, the magical knowledge and practice that is passed from one to another, with several tales depicting  elderly zduhac seeking out replacement, usually a close relative like brother’s son or such. This fits with historical and folkloric records of how folk magicians and healers operated.

In certain traditions, zduhac is connected to angels and saints, and may even be counted among them, and their ability can be seen as divine blessing. Connection with sky, is of course, obvious.

In others, zduhac gains their abilities through mystical initiation performed by the Devil. It’s important to remember that this isn’t Satan of megachurch evangelism, but rural, folkloric Devil. So while powers are sinister and zduhaci can be capricious, they do serve good purpose.

It can be a natural, inborn gift. There are several explanations for how to detect newborn that will grow up to be zduhac, from birth at particular day to other notions, but most famous one and common one is baby being born with whole placenta, which is either red or white. During life zduhac will keep placenta as talisman, and needs to hide it from enemies and prying eyes.

Famously, zduhaci can be children of humans ( usually women) and dragons, which is where name zmajeviti comes from. Dragons are fond of sleeping with human women, especially royal ones, and thus their children grow up to be great heroes, brave and fierce in battle, handsome and strong, skilled warriors ( this belief of extraordinary heritage of nobility can probably be seen as distant cousin to legends of demigod descent and divine right of kings). Sometimes these men may be recognized by feathery winds they keep hidden underneath armpits.

Another connection with supernatural comes from ala, which i previously covered, and which is why they are called aloviti. Ala is traditionally enemy of zduhac, as spirit which causes storms and hail, but sometimes it is source of their powers. Ala may have been parent of zduhac ( usually fathering them), they or their parents may have been it’s victims                 ( encountered it in flesh and survived, or been possesed), or all zduhaci and alas are same beings, and whether they are evil or good depends on which village you hail from.

Zduhac may also derive their powers from the fairies, who are sometimes known to protect, associate with, or mentor humans, usually in healing arts, but they also may bless them in more spiritual manner, and zduhac’s power over natural forces may come from vila, who embody them. Zduhac in those stories may have vila for foster-mother or godmother ( or, like with dragonlike heroes, she breastfed them at young age), may be her oath sworn blood brother, done her favour or attracted her intrigue enough to make him her student. Sometimes they are said to be men who were loved by vilas- seemingly consensually, without traditional ‘’steal her veil and force her to be my spirit bride’’ story, implying that zduhac is one who had affair with vila of her own choosing, and was blessed and abandoned once she tired of her mortal lover.

[angelic-serenade]

Alastor + disaster cook! S/O

headcanons

✧༝┉┉┉┉┉˚*❋ ❋ ❋*˚┉┉┉┉┉༝✧

gif, original work and characters do not belong to me

you could not cook to save your life

any attempt at cooking would result in certain failure in the best case scenario and 5.4 magnitude earthquake damage in the worst

sure, you could make edible pasta and if you really put your best efforts into it, acceptable omelette too

but anything past that level of complexity was simply out of your league, a lost cause to put it mildly

don't you even think about making a cake, that shit's dangerous

as they say: as above so below

when you landed in Hell and found yourself joining the Happy Hotel soon after, you came to find out your culinary skills had not magically improved

which is quite ironic since Charlie had made you head chef of the hotel

the string of curses which had left your lips upon hearing the news had been legendary, even for Hell

you adored the demon princess with your whole heart (or whatever was left of it anyway), bUT REALLY CHARLIE? YOU DO NOT GIVE A GUN TO A CHILD AND EXPECT CASUALTIES NOT TO HAPPEN

at this point you were certain she was subconsciously auto-sabotaging

either way, you didn't have the heart to tell her no, so you decided to put your heart and soul into trying to learn how to properly cook, which didn't turn out to be the ideal choice of words since you were in Hell and your soul was probably rotten to the core

at least, nobody could say you hadn't tried your damn best

and hey! some days your cooking hadn't even been completely sickening

you decided to stick to easy, “safe” dishes though, you know, just to be sure

so pasta and eggs were definitely a thing

a constant and repetitive thing to be precise

you were trying your best, okay? nobody in your place with your limited set of skills would have taken the job, but you did and you deserved recognition for that feat alone

or a fucking donkey hat for your skyrocketing dumbness levels

things were not so bad at first

both Charlie and Vaggie were very supportive, each one of them in their own way - even though you had totally seen Charlie trying to swallow pure unadulterated fear that one time you had announced you wanted to try to cook something more elaborate

Angel Dust on the other hand... hadn't been as considerate as to lie to your face about what he thought of your cooking

"fuck me doll, this shit's disgusting"

*insert the I don't have friends they disappoint me vine here*

Vaggie had proceeded to give Angel quite the earful while Charlie tried her best to cheer you up

you went full hermit mode on them for two days after that

you were proud of yourself, handling criticism so well

anyway, the cycle kept repeating, with the only difference that most days Angel would grab something to eat outside of the hotel and join you during meals only to blankly stare at the plates and silvery

Charlie had tried to shield you from the truth, but you weren't that stupid

you respected Angel's choice, really, you did, and you had decided to be the bigger person among the two

that's why you began to put a lil bit of laxative into his portions whenever he decided to grace your efforts and actually eat your "disgusting cooking"

y’know just to spicy things up a little

at least now he had a valid reason to complain

with the whole fiasco on live TV and the sudden and suspicious appearence of the one and only Radio Demon at your doorstep, however, things started going haywire

Alastor's presence was eeirly demanding and unsettlingly charmimg at the same time

so it was only natural for you to gravitate the fuck away from him whenever you could

you always acted politely, greeting him whenever you bumped into him through the corridors of the hotel, but you only went as far as to appear courteous because you didn't want for him to go Hannibal Lecter on you. thanks, no thanks

“and what can you do my feminine fellow?”

“I can suck your dick!”

you had snorted a bit at that which immediately shifted the strawberry pimp's attention to yourself

“and what about you, pretty dame? I take it you're in charge of the kitchens around here?”

dressed in your chef attire, you were going to meekly answer him, but before you could, roaring laughter erupted in the room. it belonged to the one and only slutty spider you found oh so irritating

in the fraction of seconds, Alastor snapped his neck at an unnatural angle to stare at the spider with a strained smile on his face

needless to say, the cursed image would forever haunt your traumatized psyche

“hasn't your mother taught you it is rude to interrupt a conversation which you have no part in? that just won't do!”

static filled the air and you feared you were going to implode if the heavy pressure didn't lift off soon enough, so you decided to take action

“ugh... yes, I'm the head chef! but, well, I... could actually use some practice and proper training?”

you hated how uncertain you sounded, but Angel's comments and your own dissatisfaction with your culinary products made you quite self-conscious about your skills

“don't fret your pretty little head about it, my dear! I, for one, am a culinary connaisseur and wonderful chef, if I do say so myself. I'll be ecstatic to guide you through your training!”

how you'd be able to handle his booming voice during hours and hours of practice was your first and main concern, but you had never been one to refuse the chance to finally prove the people who had criticized you wrong *cough cough* Angel Dust

since that day, Alastor began to personally give you cooking lessons

he was exuberant and pretty sly when it came to veiled jabs about your dreadful cooking, but he really took his time to help you out

which you had been both grateful and suspicious about

“now, we can't have our future patrons starving to death, can we?”

he was strangely patient and an overall good teacher too (emphasis on overall)

he guided you step by step through each dish, simultaneously showing off his own flawless culinary skills

you hated that you daily found yourself boosting his already GIGANTIC ego, but you couldn't help it. you could only dream about reaching that level of artistry in cooking

he always came up with creative recipes to test your limits and cooked for you in order to make you more familiar with different tastes. his mother’s were your favorites, jambalaya being his one true specialty 

he had blindfolded you once and proceeded to present you with various samples of spices, oilments and all kinds of food so that you could acquaint yourself with the smells and flavors of the ingredients and figure out yourself which ones would best suit a certain dish

saying you were hesitant at first was an understatement, because you know? being completely at the mercy of a sadistic serial killer who had terrorized the seven circles of hell? not even being able to see him? not on your bucket list

he had tried to ease your nervousness with the whole “if I wanted to hurt anyone here, I would have done so already” thing, but it was getting kind of old pretty fast

“if I had been one to play with fire, I'd have joined a circus”

he found your sense of humor as endearing your sheer presence

(when he rolled up his sleeves to cook, you felt like you could catch fire any minute, you were a slut for strong skinny arms) 

yes, Alastor had always loved to show off his own impeccable skills but he unexpectedly found himself enjoying the moments spent in your company too

he relished in seeing you fail again and again, but he also admired the way you always managed to bring yourself back up to your feet each time

he had yet to fully understand if it was foolishness or stubbornness to guide your steps

either way, you turned out to be his favorite form of entertainment in the hotel!

no matter how many slights would he send your way, you'd always manage to find an appropriate remark that made his permanent smile stretch a little more in sheer amusement

“oh dear, this beef is so undercooked one could still hear the poor beast’s lament”

“the only noise I hear is the obnoxious ramblings of an arrogant boomer”

he wasn't technically a boomer but it was always so satisfying to irk him with terms he had no knowledge of

during your cooking lessons, when the only thing left to do with a dish was wait and pray for the best, you'd come to talk about everything and anything

he'd talk to you about his precious New Orleans as he remembered it and you'd fill him in on recent historical/social developments of your time

he always looked so taken when you shared with him that modern knowledge and it made you feel useful for a change

it was, dare you say it, almost adorable how he'd ask you countless questions about your home town, the catastrophes of the last century and had there been any other war since his death?

the topic switches almost made you dizzy though

once or twice, when the timing allowed, he'd even indulge in a musical show to pass time

on the days your mood soured because of a particularly complicated recipe or bad result, he'd drag you along and dance until you were so distracted by the absurdness of the circumstances that you forgot about your previous sadness

with time, his musical shows became more frequent as he realized you'd always offer him a genuine smile after his flashy performances

it was out of personal indulgence, not because he liked the way his music always seemed to cheer you up

he'd not been vocal about the way he tried to comfort you, but you were grateful nonetheless

the first time you managed to succesfully complete one of his complicated recipes, you had almost cried

“now, now deary, under my watchful eye, it was only a matter of time until you'd finally blossom into a fine cook!”

“Alastor can I... can I hug you?”

and how could he say no to such an adorable expression? he found himself stunned into silence, not being able to tell you yes either, therefore you slowly came closer as if trying not to scare a wild animal away

when Alastor passively stood before you, not moving away, you wrapped your arms around him

he really was such a dorky noodle

he didn't relax into the hug, but he kept still as you relished in the moment and let the pressure you had hoarded for months now loose

Alastor proceeded to show off your dish during dinner and even Angel Dust could do nothing but shut up and dig in

The all powerful Radio Demon was simply so proud of your progress - not that he doubted you'd prevail in the end, thanks to his expertise and guidance

from that moment onward things only got better and even if you didn't necessarily need Alastor's help anymore, neither of you ever mentioned going your separate ways

you were both secretly glad for the silent agreement

friendly banter and dad jokes were a daily occurrence and with your new-found confidence in the field, you'd always bite back showing off new delicious dishes instead than words

you still had trouble every now and then, but Alastor was always there to help you out

not that you'd ever hear the end of it if you actually asked him for help

“what was that, my darling? is the mightiest chef in Hell having trouble in Paradise?”

you had noticed however that he'd started sneaking glances your way more than usual lately and he also started following you around wherever you went in the hotel. he became your shadow both inside and outside of the kitchen

the attention soon became unnerving, even more so when you'd go in the kitchen only find a different flower on the counter each morning

you came to realize that Alastor's advances were rather old fashioned, but you would amuse the dork and yourself for a while before taking charge

gifts became an ordinary occurrence as well as praise and you preferred not to think about what praise could do to you when it came from Alastor

he enjoyed your reactions to his flattering words a little too much, he had to admit

you had had enough of his childish antics one day and you decided to finally put your plan into action

“Al, can you come here for one sec?”

he wasn't particularly fond of the nickname, but you just loved to get under his skin as much as he did when it came to you

“what can I do for you, my darling chef?”

“here, I have a gift for you”

he looked uncharacteristically unsure of what to do but slightly amused as well. in the end curiosity took the best of him and he finally decided to open the box you had handed to him rather unceremoniously

“what is this dear?”

the apron you had chosen was a perfect fit for your long boi

“read it, please”

“kiss the cook? well, if you ask me so nicely, I just might have to”

he then proceeded to peck your cheek and you swore you could have fainted right there and then by the sheer sweetness of the gesture

it hadn't exactly been what you had planned, but you weren't going to complain

your relationship was bound to be full of surprises apparently

[duhragonball]

Hellsing Liveblog Ch. 51-56

This is the “Seras Coming of Age” part of Hellsing, but the chapters are all one-off titles: “Last Mission”, “Get Away”, “Yaksa”, “The Man I Love”, “Ogre Battle”, and “Angelous,”

Last time, Zorin Blitz’s company invaded the Hellsing HQ, and Seras managed to kill them all except for Zorin herself, and then she used her psychic whammy, forcing Seras to relive some traumatic moment.   We saw one of the Wild Geese get this same treatment, and he briefly saw his dead daughter before Zorin killed him.  As for Seras, she relives the deaths of her parents.   Years ago, two guys barged into their home and shot them.   The circumstances aren’t entirely clear, but they must have had some forewarning, since Seras’ mom hid her in a closet and told her not to come out no matter what.   But when she saw what they did to them, Seras became so enraged that she attackedthe men and stabbed one in the eye with a fork.  

The other guy shot Seras, and while she must have survived, she remembers laying on the floor as the guy she stabbed decides to rape her mother.   I’m not even sure “rape” is the right word, since she was already dead, but the guy doesn’t care because the body is “still warm.”   You’d think he’d be too upset about losing an eye, but maybe he’s high on cocaine or something.

I don’t think you need me to tell you this, gentle reader, but hol-ee shit this dark.   We knew Seras’ parents died when she was young, and it wouldn’t be hard to speculate that they died in some violent crime, but Seras watched it happen, and she stabbed a dude in the face, only to get shot herself, and she watched her mother’s body getting molested before she passed out.  

And this gives us some insight into what Alucard saw in her that night in Cheddar.  There, Seras was surrounded by ghouls, many of them her comrades in the police department, and a vampire who promised to rape her before drinking her blood.   Alucard found it remarkable how she persevered in this horror, but now we see that may not even be the worst thing that ever happened to her.  It’s not even the first time she got shot!  

And from the earlier flashback we saw, Seras was hellbound to become a police officer like her father.  After a trauma like this, it’s amazing that she’d want anything to do with the police, since those men killed her father for digging “too deep” into whatever they were involved in.  But Seras quietly, defiantly chose to follow in her father’s footsteps, only to suffer a similar fate. 

Because, let’s not forget, Seras is dead.   She died in Cheddar, because Alucard had to shoot through her to kill the vampire who had taken her hostage.   Then she agreed to become a vampire like him, and join the Hellsing Organization.   Once more, she has quietly, defiantly, chosen to carry on in this life of public service.  

But none of that matters to Zorin Blitz.   She just wanted to dredge up all this trauma to keep Seras preoccupied long enough for Zorin to do this...

Oh, also she lopped off Seras’ left arm, but I liked this impalement panel better. 

On top of that, Zorin slashes Seras’ eyes, which was pretty gruesome and shocking.   When I started watching the Hellsing Ultimate OVA, I couldn’t wait to see what happened next, so I trawled YouTube for clips of Seras, so I had a pretty good idea where the character was headed, and noticed that late-story Seras was missing a left arm.   So Zorin cutting it off didn’t surprise me much, but everything else she did to her was a surprise.

Then, just as Zorin seems to be ready to finish Seras off, Pip Bernadotte gets the drop on her and whacks her with the butt of his rifle.    Machine gun?   Semiautomatic?   I don’t know from guns.    He hits her with it, is my point.   Then he shoots her with a different gun to put the exclamation point on it.

There’s two other guys left in the Wild Geese, and they toss smoke grenades to cover Pip as he tries to carry Seras to safety, but he’s wounded, and then a Millennium soldier wakes up and shoots him in the thighs.   Was that guy playing possum?  The Geese take him out, and Pip even makes it back to them, but I’m not sure what good that does anybody.   Then Zorin gets back up and cuts him down with her scythe.    I don’t think she chops him in half or anything, but he’s not getting back up again, that’s for sure. 

Seras calls out to him, and he steals another kiss.   I guess he forgot about the last time, because he acts like he “finally” managed to do this.   Then he asks Seras to drink his blood, which will allow her to win.   I guess someone must have explained enough vampire lore to Pip for him to have figured this out.    Maybe Seras herself told him how it worked, which makes it doubly-meaningful for him to say this to her now.  

And Seras starts wailing with grief, before Zorin finally mocks her for it, calling Pip an insect.   I’ve seen a few people poke fun at this scene, because it’s kind of weird for Zorin to just stand by while Pip and Seras have this final moment together, but Zorin’s a sadist.   Much of what she’s done in these past several chapters has been about reveling in her enemies’ suffering.    She took her sweet time with Seras earlier, which was the only reason Pip managed to help her, and now she’s taking her sweet time again, like she’s enjoying this drama. 

So Zorin uses her psychic whammy again, but this time it doesn’t work on Seras.   Maybe because Seras is already in the middle of a terrible trauma in the here and now.   She couldn’t do anything to avenge her parents back then, and she was powerless against the Cheddar Priest, but this time?   This time she knows exactly what to do.

VENIT AEVUS ILLE, O MESSIAH, O MESSIAH

YUDULIYA-VELE YUDULIYA-VELE

EN ESE MOMENTO ZORIN BLITZ SINTIO EL VERDADERO TERROR.

So yeah, this rocks.    The anime version does this cool thing where all the blood soaks up into her clothes and stains them red.   Maybe the manga was going for the same thing, but it’s harder to tell in black and white.   I find it kind of strange how Seras’ eyes grow back, but her left arm does not.    I’m pretty sure she could reform her arm, but chooses not to.   Instead, she’s got this black ectoplasm-y thing, like the same black stuff that Alucard uses when he’s not holding back as much.

Then Seras starts slaughtering Zorin’s men.   Didn’t she already kill them all?  Yeah, but there’s more.   The anime tries to cover for this by having Zorin explain that some “late arrivals” showed up.  Well, they did have to enter the building single file to get past the mines, so it makes sense that Zorin would keep some in reserve in case there were more traps inside. 

Seras is my favorite character in this whole thing, and since these pages of her kickin’ ass speak for themselves, I guess I’ll talk about why I like her so much.    I’m pretty sure I saw a cosplay photo of her on tumblr, and I found the design intriguing.   She’s a vampire, but dressed in something like a military uniform, kind of like the “Bridge Bunnies” in Macross. I looked up Seras to find out what she was from, and I was like “Oh, Hellsing was the show Team Four Star has been abridging, I guess I need to watch that anyway so I can watch the Abridged version and get the jokes.”

Mostly, I just like the idea of a vampire with a very professional mentality, as opposed to the whole Lost Boys/What We Do in the Shadows/Buffy kind of aesthetic.    Not that there’s anything wrong with that, but we see that sort of thing all the time.   I’ve also seen a lot of “reluctant” vampires in my time.    Vampires who try to avoid doing any vampire stuff, or going about their business like the vampirism is just this inconvenient obstacle.   Hellsing presents this other option, where vampires like Alucard are used for the purpose of anti-vampire countermeasures.   He’s been turned into a weapon, but he’s basically just Dracula with a fresh coat of paint.   Seras is more firmly rooted in the concept.  Alucard was a vampire who became a sort of cop, and Seras is a cop who became a vampire. 

And while I liked the idea of Seras being like “Oh, well I didn’t want to be a vampire but I’ll try to make the best of it”, I quickly found out that she wasn’t just a cop with pointy teeth.   There’s moments where she can be scary and creepy too.   “Sir, yes sir, my Master.”  It sums her up very neatly.   This is a vampire who can be polite and respectful and professional, but she can also get very deep into the more horrific aspects of this thing.   She’s got layers.  Zorin Blitz tried to peel them back, and look how that’s working out for her.

Once the rank and file goons are dealt with, Seras goes after Blitz, and just wrecks her shit.   Blitz tries to punch Seras in the face and it does nothing.   Seras just bites all her fingers off and spits ‘em out.   Then she announces that she refuses to drink Zorin’s blood, not a single drop. This is important, because Seras was always reluctant to drink blood.  She said she feared that drinking blood would mean the end of something inside of her, but now she’s crossed that Rubicon.   One might suspect that she’d suddenly want to drink more blood, but no.  She drank Pip’s as a means to an end.   Zorin’s blood would serve no higher purpose, and I think there’s an implication that she doesn’t want to dishonor Pip’s sacrifice.  Desperate, Zorin tries to use her power on Seras a third time, and then this happens:

  Okay, so at first Zorin sees Seras’ memories, like before, but now there’s all this stuff from Pip’s memories, and then Warrant Officer Shrodinger, of all people, shows up.   Zorin is confused by this, but he explains that he’s “everywhere and nowhere,” which means he can appear in this psychic vision just as easily as he can teleport between Brazil and England.

Schrodinger is here to pass along a message from the Major.  See, Zorin disobeyed his orders, and he would normally punish her for this, but he and the Doctor are busy with a “most interesting toy”, so they’ll just leave it to Seras to take care of punishing Zorin.  

Yesterday, I think I figured out what Zorin’s disobedience was.    Before I was confused because she didn’t start attacking until Seras opened fire on her blimp, and that only happened because Seras was shooting at the rockets fired by the Major.   Everything that Zorin did afterwards could be considered a matter of self-defense, but therein lies the problem.    Namely, what was Zorin’s blimp doing in the line of fire to begin with?  

Because once Seras shot her down, everything Zorin did next was sort of her only option.   She pretty much had to attack the mansion, and brave its defenses, whatever those happened to be.   And the Major knew that this was a big unknown.   He warned Zorin about Seras Victoria and while he didn’t seem to know exactly what her abilities were, he regarded her as an “arch-enemy” on the same level as Alucard.  That’s why he wanted Zorin to hold off and wait for the rocket attack.   It was intended to probe the mansion’s defenses, and once it became clear that they had anti-aircraft guns, and that Seras was eagle-eyed enough to shoot down their rockets, then the Major could have ordered Zorin to find a different way.   

But instead she was too close and gave Seras a target, which precipitated everything else, up to and including this:

Yeah, Seras just drags Zorin across the walls until her whole head smears apart.   Cool!

With Zorin dead, Seras delcares her intention to take the fight to the enemy, and the last three Wild Geese salute her before she leaves.   One way or another, they realize that Pip has become a part of Seras now, and they pay their last respects to him through her. 

Then Seras flies toward London, using her left arm-thing to make cool bat wings.    And this is a good illustration of what Seras is all about.  Once, she might have been horrified at the thought of doing something like this, but now she sees it as a way to carry on with her duty.    This was what Alucard had been trying to get her to understand, but sometimes you just have to work these things out in your own way.   Seras is about utility, and now that she has a use for these vampiric powers, she’s finally prepared to embrace them as her own.

In London, Schrodinger reports back to the Major and informs him of Zorin Blitz’s death.  He’s not surprised, and even declares “our ruin has begun”.   Schrodinger points out that he’s leading everyone, friend and foe alike, into destruction, and the Major simply observes that this is war.   Millennium didn’t come to London to win, they came to London to fight.

Then the Ninth Crusade shows up.  Recall that, earlier, Enrico Maxwell organized a military response to deal with the Millennium invasion of London, but he hasn’t come here to save the civilian population.   Instead, he’s treating them as enemies, just like the Nazi vampires.    Somehow, there’s still living people in the city, and as dawn approaches, they see Maxwell’s helicopters putting off some sort of light show.  I don’t know what you call this, but the people on the ground think it’s angels, and then Maxwell orders his men to open fire.

I want to point out that the newly promoted Archbishop Maxwell is riding into this battle in a special truck with a glass box for him to sit in.   He’s surrounded by microphones so he can address his troops and the people below.   Also the truck is hanging from a helicopter.   It’s stupid and pointless and over-the-top, so naturally the Major is highly impressed with Maxwell’s style. 

[a-day-in-the-afterlife]

The 14th Department (AFTERL!FE) Meets the Demon Brothers and Undateables (Obey Me!)

Lucifer

Noah heard he has a dog.  He is staying far away from the pretentious eldest. 

Oldest big brother?  You better believe Youssef finds a kindred spirit, even if they differ wildly in personalities.  

Louis lives for the almost regal aesthetic Lucifer has got going on.  Lucifer, in turn, lives for the day Louis will stop talking.

Quincy finds this whole trip preposterous (“What the heck is the Devildom?  What happened to the Underworld?”) and does not like Lucifer’s condescending attitude (it conflicts with his own!).  

Ethan doesn’t like Lucifer—proud and arrogant people with no reason to be so are not to be respected.  Lucifer despises Ethan for the same reason.

Day!  Will!  Not!  Go!  Near!  Lucifer!  He’s so scary!  But Cerberus is his best friend now (Nine-Nine who?).

Nine and Theo together find out that the eldest demon is into classical music and spend hours discussing early compositions with him.

Ell cannot be around this demon!  He is a fallen angel!  He tries to be nice (and because Ell is kind, so is Lucifer, even if the sickly sweetness of the angel drives him up the wall), but every good wish is punctuated with a sneeze.

Lucifer is so overworked, so by way of his calm disposition and love for meditation, Jamie helps him find ways to relax.

The eldest demon’s general demeanor astonishes June.  How manly he is!

Likewise, Sian can’t go near Lucifer without feeling nervous.  The man drips dominating energy!

Verine can’t understand the eldest’s love for classical music.  Rock is infinitely better.

Mammon

Um, Mori and him are best friends.  They together cause trouble in the House of Lamentation and in the 14th Department with their many get-rich-quick schemes.

Gaudy and expensive taste?  Sign Louis up.

Ethan says ‘no’ to the demon’s general pomposity (it reeks of low self-esteem) and by God, doesn’t he own anything that depicts an iota of class?

Mammon is one speedy demon—how can Kirr not appreciate his fleetfootedness when it would bring him so much use whilst hunting?  Apart from that, Kirr has no respect for that reprehensible thief, for the very idea of stealing brings back terrible memories.

Always belittled by their peers, Day and Mammon find a kindred spirit in each other, and Day is always reminded of his past life when he sees all the gold that Mammon professes to possess possesses. 

Kati bit him twelve times because no dumb tsundere was going to steal his (cough Aitachi’s) spot as cutest in the Department!

Licht is eclipsed by Mammon’s demon form because how is he able to pull off wearing so little clothing so well?  He must take notes.  When he learns that Mammon is a model, too, he goes berserk with delight.

Cyrille finds the secondborn exceedingly stupid, although he begrudgingly gives him credit for being pretty decent at math.

Sian spots a fellow tsundere and runs away, because oh my God, it’s so obvious that Mammon likes this MC person!

Leviathan

Games?  Social awkwardness?  Extreme interest in things that no one else seems to care for?  Cyrille has found his soulmate!

Aitachi and Kirr cringe at how Leviathan spends his leisure time, but are intrigued because they have never seen such methods of gaming and media consumption before.

Leviathan is forever at Quincy’s mercy, for the fellow demon has no qualms of absolutely crushing Levi’s already non-existent self-esteem. 

Even though he loathes to admit it, Sian really likes the rhythm games Leviathan plays, and the thousands of idol posters in his room make him strangely nostalgic of his past life.

June wonders how Levi can go so long without feeling the overwhelming need to burst into a sprint now and again.

Theo almost kills the thirdborn because how is his room filled with so many Demonrito and Hell Mountain Dew containers?  What filth!

Speaking of filth, Licht finds some of Levi’s dating sims and oh my darling, some of them are quite … lewd.

Ghilley and Leviathan together construct an elaborate Lego model of a castle from the anime My Sister Is A Fairy Princess, And Her Suitor Is Secretly An Ogre From a Land Far Away And Wants to Eat Us All, And It’s Up to Me to Save My Sister’s Kingdom.

Ethan can’t even walk past Leviathan’s room without a disapproving “tut.”  Has the demon no discipline, despite being rumored to be the Grand Admiral of Hell’s Navy?

Kati spends all day poking at the cute monster and waifu figurines situated in Levi’s bedroom.  He thinks Azuki-tan is cute, but not as cute as him, and anyone who says otherwise will get bitten!

Aitachi likes to rifle through Leviathan’s anime sword replica collection and giggle because in combat, they would be of no more use than a toothpick.

Satan 

Finally!  Someone with sense! thinks Ethan.  Boy, do these two get along, right down to their educated and proper mannerisms to their mutual hatred of Lucifer.

Verine can’t go near Satan without coughing violently because the forthborn always has some manner of cat hair on him, no matter how diligently he preens.

Cats are infinitely better than dogs, so Noah sticks close to Satan.

Cyrille thought he had found a friend in Satan, who always has his nose in a book, but it turns out, Satan is more philosophically-and-intellectually-versed, while Cyrille is more scientific.

Nine likes Satan, for he is as calm as himself.  Strangely enough, they both seem to have hidden wrathful feelings and bond over this.

Kitties! :D is all Day can think when he sees the fourthborn.

Youssef enjoys Satan’s company, too, for they both are anthropological in nature—always watching, but never interfering until there is a need.

Blond and princelike are the two of them, but Louis is sorely disappointed when Satan’s royal appearance is merely a façade of darker emotions to come, where Louis enjoys life in its every aspect.  “How disappointing art thou, Satan!”  Louis throws rose petals in distress.

Kirr and Aitachi try to hunt one of Satan’s cats, thinking it was some kind of Devildom’s finest prey.  Satan does not forgive them for the attempt.

Theo sneezes the moment he enters Satan’s room.  Although everything is in its place and not truly messy by any means, he refuses to let the stacks and stacks of books sit idly by when they are begging to be put in shelves!

Quincy and Satan each add to their respective repertoire of curses in their time together.  It does not bode well for anyone in the House of Lamentation or 14th Department.

Asmodeus

They are … essentially the same person, so you can bet your ass that Licht and Asmo absolutely live for each other’s company.  They literally spend hours modeling clothes together, discussing fashion, gossiping about their romantic exploits, and praising their overall appearance.  

Louis joins in too, although he mostly stays for the latter, and the three vanquish away many nights complimenting their own and the others’ looks.

Sometimes Asmo likes to sew patches and sequins onto his clothes and mend them to his own design, and Aitachi, who likes to sew, learns many different ways of stitching from the fifthborn, although he hates the fact that Asmo, like Licht, never shuts up about what an “adorable and cute warrior” he is!

Asmo has to know Kirr’s hair care routine, which Kirr gives in one, succinct sentence: “I wash it.  Sometimes.”

Nine has to constantly flee Asmodeus’ presence because it is in his nature to compliment the Soul Reaper on how absolutely beautiful he looks.

Kati expects makeovers, all of which should emphasize his cuteness, every other day.

Don’t ask how long Mori spent calculating how much money Asmo spends on beauty products, because he wept at the end of it.

Verine refuses to step a foot into Asmodeus’ room because do you know how much his sinuses are going to bother him when he spends even a second into a room so deeply entrenched in the fragrance of flowers and perfume?

Ghilley is used to a personality so akin to his roommate, Licht, so he has no qualms in dealing with Asmo and quite likes the gossip he is quietly able to distill from the fifthborn.

Beelzebub

Brothers in their flaming orange hair, June gloms onto Beel with astounding loyalty (Theo refuses to admit jealousy, but ...), especially when he hears of his dedication to his twin.

Cyrille has to interrogate Beel on the structural integrity of his wings in his demon form because there is no way that such a flimsy apparatus could lift a demon of Beel’s stature even an inch into the air!  Also, how much does Beel exercise if he expects to gain muscle and burn off the infinite calories that he consumes?  It is a scientific mystery.

Day likes snacks, Beel likes snacks!  Everything is right in the world (even if the demon accidentally mistook Day’s hair for a mint ice cream cone).

Jamie is constantly offering fresh fruits and vegetables to the sixthborn, but even though he eats them willingly, Beel much prefers foods that will actually fill him up for a short amount of time.

Again, Ethan is appalled by the lack of discipline Beelzebub shows.  The demon is simply a slave to his appetite and deserves nothing less than scorn.

Theo cannot decide if he likes or hates the fact that Beel leaves a trail of crumbs wherever he goes.  On one hand, he gets to clean, but on the other hand, it’s so messy ... 

Even though he has many misgivings of fallen angels, even Ell cannot help but like Beel!  As long as he is fed, the demon is very sweet and kind.  

Noah likes Beel, too.  Something about his easygoing and generally cheerful personality pleases him to no end. 

Beel tried to eat Kati’s hair, thinking it was a yummy bun.  Sadly, he got bit more times than Mammon.

Youssef is a good cook and is thereby followed by Beel wherever he goes.  The kind Soul Reaper doesn’t mind, though.

Belphegor

Noah likes how Belphie takes things easily and calmly, although it probably wouldn’t hurt for him to get more exercise.

Belphegor is even more of a conundrum to June than Leviathan was.  He decides that next time he goes to the Devildom, he’s going to bring an extra pair of running shoes because the demon most certainly was wanting of physical exertion! 

Kirr is absolutely astonished at the unguarded and completely lax way Belphie sprawls out in the House of Lamentation, sleeping.  If he was an enemy tribesman, he would have no trouble in taking the demon down as he slept.

“This kind of laziness is not fit for a warrior at all!” cries Aitachi any time he seems Belphie dozing off.

Jamie likes Belphegor’s way of thinking.  Sometimes, sitting under an apple tree in the sweltering summer heat after a hard day of work just causes one to be overcome with the desire to take a nap. 

Youssef tries to brew Belphie a cup of espresso, but the caffeine just doesn’t seem to have an effect on the Avatar of Sloth. 

Although he is slightly disheartened by the fact that his quiet footsteps seem to have no effect on the seventhborn, as he is always asleep, Ghilley revels in the prospect of drawing unsavory graffiti on the demon’s face when he slumbers.

Day sometimes tries to rouse Belphie, and Belphie, in turn, tries to kill Day.

Like his observations on his twin, Cyrille cannot fathom how the demon could sleep so much.  How could one body need so much rest?

Simeon

Ell loves him.  How can he not?  He is the perfect angel!  He is also very curious as to how the Celestial Realm of Obey Me!’s world works compared to the one in AFTERL!FE.

His whole aesthetic mesmerizes Louis.  There’s something so tranquil but regal about it.  

Licht wants to know where he can get an exact copy of Simeon’s outfit because darling, it's gorgeous.

Youssef probably spends more time around Simeon than he should, but his calm demeanor is so refreshing compared to the chaos in the 14th Department and the House of Lamentation. 

Kirr and Aitachi together lament with Simeon on the struggles of working with technology.  Why is it so difficult?

Something about the angel’s holy air makes Mori very much not inclined to ask him how much the gold clasp on his cape is worth.

Quincy hates the “pretentious” and “stuck up” angel and bickers with him almost as much as he bickers with Ell.  Simeon never responds to his goading, although ... he does get a bit prickly when Quincy criticizes Luke or the Celestial Realm too harshly.

Encouraged by the prospect that he can actually breathe in the (fresh-smelling) presence of Simeon, Verine enjoys his company, but is perpetually annoyed by the fact that the angel seems to pity him for his condition.

Ethan can’t hate Simeon, either.  He is the sole honorable character he can find in the entire Devildom, even though he has to admit that it seems that the angel is hiding something.

Day really likes Simeon!  He’s so nice and is always ready to play with him.

As a man of science, Cyrille scoffs at Simeon (and Luke’s) unfaltering belief in religion. 

Luke

Kati bites him on sight.  Luke just seems irritating and how dare he think himself cuter than him!

Aitachi sympathizes with Luke, for they both lament on not being taken seriously because of their age.  

Luke reminds him a bit too much of a chihuahua for Noah to be too fond of him, but the little angel means well, so Noah suffers his incessant barking out of (Kind)ness.

Day is a human puppy ... and Luke is an angel chihuahua.  They get along great, although Luke makes it his most important goal to Christianize Day, who seems to believe in other things!

Quincy wonders when Luke will stop talking and is constantly entertaining thoughts of hastening the day when he will.  Likewise, Luke wishes the “horrible demon” would go away forever.

As a fellow angel, Ell finds Luke to be great fun.  It’s strange though, Luke seems to always be expressing the opposite of what he’s feeling in typical tsundere fashion, but he never sneezes.

Sian finds Luke to be of the utmost annoyance.  He’s so short (heh) and yappy and annoying!  

Kirr wonders if the little angel will make a good hunting dog, but after he realizes that Luke has a lot of trouble keeping his mouth closed, he thinks  better of it.

His dealings with Day cause Nine to be an excellent caretaker of Luke when Simeon is away.  You just have to deal with exuberant personalities like his carefully, is all.

Ghilley and Licht give Luke “five stars” in terms of cuteness.  The young angel does not approve!

Theo stays far away from Luke.  Children are walking crumb-and-stain-factories and he is not going to get dirty.

Solomon

Quincy and Solomon exchange many spell incantations and curses and keep the rest of the Soul Reapers, angels, and demons in an uproar with their constant shenanigans. 

When he notices that Solomon has many fortune-telling artifacts in his room, Kati rifles through them all (without permission), much to the sorcerer’s amusement, especially when Kati discovers many supposedly unpleasant things about his future.

Although Quincy and Solomon are the true troublemaking duo in terms of pranks (Satan helps, sometimes), Day and Solomon are almost equal in measure, although much of Day’s rogurey is an accident, and he never means to cause any harm!

Licht is instantly enamored by Solomon’s cape—what style!  You can see the entire Milky Way embroidered on it (Cyrille instantly assures him that that is not actually the case)!

Ghilley can’t help but wonder why anyone thinks Solomon is shady.  He seems to be a pretty upstanding, if chaotic, guy?

Youssef admires the humanity of Solomon.  In a land of angels and demons and even Soul Reapers, it’s good to have someone so normal.

Unlike Ghilley, Ethan definitely notices that something shady is afoot when Solomon is around.  Because of this, he tails the sorcerer wherever he goes, for he’d rather not a ruckus be caused.

Sian has many questions for Solomon on the status of idols in the Human World since he left it.  What are the newest trends?  The most popular groups?  The most admired dance moves?  He wants to know it all.

Barbatos

Cyrille finds the whole time-travel aspect of Barbatos’ powers intriguing and derails the butler from his duties for hours in attempts to understand the nuances of this overpowering concept.

Ethan privately thinks that he looked much better in a butler suit than the demon.  What is even going on with the front of his outfit?  A diligent and uncomplaining demon is Barbatos, and Ethan has to respect him for that, even if he is a position so beneath his own.

He’s so scary! D: thinks Day, even though Barbatos is nothing but kind to him.

Kirr likes the fine fare that Barbatos cooks, although he laments not being able to win “the mind game” against the butler, who he spends many hours staring coolly at.

Theo and Barbatos spend many an evening chatting about the best way to maintain the most perfect state of cleanliness.

The strong smell of detergent follows Barbatos sometimes, and Verine can never bring himself too close to the demon.  However, he has to begrudgingly admit that if it weren’t for the overwhelming stench of chemicals, he would be breathing in a suffocating cloud of dust particles, so he has to thank the butler for that.

Jamie gives Barbatos many good recipes for fruit pies and Youssef can’t wait to try all the (possibly) delicious recipes that Barbatos recites to him.  

Ghilley, unfortunately, finds it very difficult to sneak up on the butler, for Barbatos has seen all Ghilley’s attempts to scare him in all the timelines he has observed. 

Diavolo

This bumbling idiot is the ruler of the Devildom? thinks Ethan with great distaste.  However dignified Diavolo might be, Ethan cannot see past the blindingly cheerful mask he puts on and finds it most undignified.

A fellow royal!  How is Louis supposed to resist striking a long-winded conversation?  Diavolo entertains Louis’ pompous and overbearing self and they find each other most delightful.

Licht positively drools over Diavolo’s demon form outfit.  Just how he is pulling off that much style?

Quincy finds much enjoyment in disrespecting the Prince of the Devildom to no end and is always disappointed when Diavolo responds to his insults with a tolerating smile.

The Prince of Demons and the son of the Demon Lord are titles that are essentially the bane of Ell’s existence, but he manages to be most respectful toward him, even though he is shaking in his shoes and wondering when all their interactions will come to and end.

Day lived like a king in his past life and is not even remotely fazed by the enormous amount of finery found in the Demon Lord’s Castle.  He is, however, enamored with the Little D’s, who, when not insulting him, are great fun!

Diavolo’s lifestyle of luxury is basically Mori’s dream, so he takes every opportunity to make notes of the expensive furniture and ancient pieces.

Noah and Youssef like how down-to-Earth Diavolo is, despite his high position.  They feel as if he has something to hide, but for the most part, he is a jolly fellow and they enjoy his company.

[morbidly-malicious-muffins]

What Kind of Music Slashers Would Vibe to Headcanons♪

This little thing popped into my head. Fyi, the canon timelines are thrown out the window for this so... Yeah.

Bring forth the bop~

RZ Michael Myers

"Let my weapons be your children, let my armies be your damned. Try to suffer on in silence, try to stop me if you can." --- This Cold Black by Slipknot

I think he'd really enjoy metal in general. I can totally see him unknowingly stomping to some Marilyn Manson and Meshuggah, though the lyrics and message probably will just fly over his head.

He listens to some heavy shit, but probably all the more mainstream bands/artists.

The loudness and organized chaos of the genre fills the void in his soul and reflects the state of his mind, despite his stoic and non-verbal outer demeanor.

Someone please do everyone a favor and introduce Michael to some death metal. Admit it, it really fits his aesthetic.

This is just based on speculation, but I suspect a 70% possibility of RZ Michael resonating with Cannibal Corpse. Fight me.

He hates classical music with a burning passion. Back in Smith's Grove, they played Bach's Air Sul G on tap. (its canon in the first movie lmao) He hates it. Mikey no likey.

Freddy Krueger

"No stop signs, speed limit, nobody's gonna slow me down. Like a wheel, gonna spin it, nobody's gonna mess me around." --- Highway to Hell, by AC/DC

Freddy listens to classic rock, period.

This guy is ngl a supporter of music taste discrimination. You listen to pop? Disgusting. You listen to Jazz? Disgusting. Classic rock is the epitome of all music.

He'll call you music-related slurs you never knew existed.

As stubborn adamant as Freddy is, he does harbor some guilty pleasures, including 70's hair metal and glam rock. Pshh. What a heckin hypocrite.

Some of his all time favorites are Guns N' Roses, Led Zeppelin, Van Halen, and AC/DC.

(Basic bitch)

*Hip thrust movements to go with his 'The Sprinkler' dance moves, Welcome to the Jungle by Guns N' Roses blasting in the background*

OG Michael Myers

He doesn't listen to music, but if he did, he would probably enjoy Jazz.

Michael only listens to Miles Davis because he enjoys his music and can't be bothered to discover more artists.

Oml Michael I know Miles Davis is amazing but don't neglect other iconic artists plzzz. Someone please make him listen to some Teddy Wilson and/or Dave Brubeck.

I imagine him sitting stiff-straight on a rocking chair (he just likes how it moves), knife in his lap, rocking and zoning-out relaxing to 'Blue in Green'. (I love that piece)

#AfterHeFinallyKillsLaurie

#RetirementGoals

He also hates classical music because of the same reason as RZ Myers. Seriously, if either of them so much as hears the opening chord of Air Sul G, expect the speaker to be stomped to a pulp in a split second.

Bubba Sawyer

Alright let's all be honest with ourselves... 70's pop and country is Bubba's shit.

Look me in the face and tell me he wouldn't adore ABBA, The Jackson 5, and Dolly Parton. Thats right you can't

Everytime 'Dancing Queen' starts playing on the radio, Bubba will drop everything and start busting down.

Ain't nothing and nobody stoppin him. Drayton is powerless against the supreme sovereignty that is ABBA.

But let's also appreciate the fact that our Bubster can motherfuckin get down. *wipes sweat from forehead + heart eyes*

He would also do passionate lip sync with his heart and soul, to Dolly Parton's 'I Will Always Love You'.

50% chance of him starting to cry right after he finishes his earnest performance.

*Holding Bubba in your arms, rubbing comforting circles on his back as he bawls hysterically, incoherently babbling on about how much he loves you*

I also feel for some reason he'd really like Joan Jett & The Blackhearts.

Thomas Hewitt

"For one moment, I wish you'd hold your stage, with no feelings at all. Open minded, I'm sure I used to be so free." --- Citizen Erased by Muse

Y'know what I have a hard time imagining the type of music Tommy listens to. Kutos, Mr. Hewitt, you have defeated me.

siKE

(This is where I yeet the timeline out of the window y'all)

Thomas enjoys Muse, Evanescence, and Radiohead. (Fight me)

He just loves how emotional their songs are. He'd have one earbud in as he works away at his projects for hours. The music helps him concentrate, it is also a source of emotional support to him.

Hearing the heart-wretching lyrical content of 'Lost in Paradise' performed so beautifully by Amy Lee's angellic voice is really comforting to him. It's like hearing about another person's experiences. It makes him feel less alone in dealing with his emotional and mental turmoils and burdens.

The first time Thomas heard 'Creep' by Radiohead, he almost cried.

He also listens to My Chemical Romance sometimes. He only knows the Black Parade album, but he loves it. If 'Creep' didn't make him cry, listening to that entire album from top to bottom sure did. He started sobbing half-way through 'Famous Last Words'.

Tommy is emotional boi 🥺

Brahms Heelshire

C l a s s i c a l

No matter how stinky Brahms is, you can't tell me that he's not classy.

Schubert is his bitch. Schubert's style tends to be quite majestic and/or dreamy, (generally) and can change color/sound very abruptly yet appropriately. (This is just my opinion based on experience with Schubert's pieces, but then I only know his piano pieces soo) (let's still cue that maestoso to scherzando transition)

But of course, Schubert isn't the only thing he listens to. He prefers the romantic period, so Mendelssohn, Rachmaninoff, Chopin, Shostakovich, Brahms, Schumann, you get the gist, all the staples. Oh yeah Elgar too. To be a proud English lad.

*Brahms swaying in the living room with the grace of a baby giraffe, engrossed in the beautiful melodies in Schumann's Kinderszenen.*

(Oml please check out 'Von fremden Landern und Manschen' and 'Kind im Einschlummern') (For those who play piano, they aren't that difficult too totally recommend) (Ok sorry I'm done now)

Brahms would totally waltz around alone to Chopin's waltzes and nocturnes.

Oh yeah apart from that classy shit, he likes to jam to meme songs.

"Hey now, you're an all star, get your game on, go play---"

*cut to Brahms passionately fortnite dancing*

Listens to The Strange Man Who Sings About Dead Animals for a good laugh. (Please, all of his songs are gold)

Vincent Sinclair

He'll have 'emo' and 'classical' with a side of metal, thanks.

I headcanon that Vinny McWaxy is an INFJ, so the boy is likely prone to crippling existentialism. It would make sense for some aspects of his music taste to reflect that.

*cut to Vincent sitting rock-still on his workbench/stool, hands hover in mid-air, staring straight ahead, some John Cage piece playing*

You'll never hear this from Vincent but he enjoys sexy-time music. He has this whole erotic playlist he listens to while working. (Boy likes to feel sexy on the job, I respect that.)

I think its pretty much canon that Vinny loves MCR. (Hello fellow emo piece of shit 👋) His favorites are everything by them really. A hardcore fan. He used to have MCR, P!ATD, and 30 Seconds to Mars posters plastered everywhere in his workshop until he had to remove them all to add to the intimidation factor of his waxy hell for passer-bys. For the record, he is very gay for Frank Iero.

On the metal part of his spectrum is mostly classic metal, groove metal, and thrash/heavy metal.

Rammstein, Pantera, Vildhjarta, new and old Metallica, Dream Theatre, Coheed and Cambria. His bitches.

He also uses music to scare victims when bringing them down to his workshop. *cue horror movie soundtracks*

*KI KI KI MA MA MA*

Is a whore for the dramatics when in a good mood.

*Lacrimosa by Mozart plays as he makes a point to bring the wax painfully slowly down toward a drowsy and petrified victim*

A lament for your upcoming death, pitiful human.

Bo Sinclair

"The day has come for all us sinners, if you're not a servant you'll be struck to the ground." -- Beast and The Harlot by Avenged Sevenfold

Bastard boy is into dad-music™. (same)

Dad rock, classic rock, pop punk, punk rock, old school pop, his shit.

He listens to a lot of the same bands as Freddy, but Bo (generally) doesn't discriminate and explores a more diverse variety of music.

Its a fandom canon that Bo loves Avenged Sevenfold. I totally agree.

A7x is the perfect amount of cynical, political, and shred for Beauregard, (I hc that ge hates his full name so plz don't ever call him Beauregard)

He listens to the radio whenever he's at work. Whatever that might be.

Will NEVER admit it, but he thinks Vinny's music taste is dope as hell.

He'll turn off the radio just to strain his ears to listen to Vincent's music downstairs. No one will ever know that though. You don't.

Actually likes classical music too. Its not one of his main genres but there's one piece he really likes, Second Movement of Shostakovich Piano Concerto No. 2 in F Major.

He never thought he'd enjoy this type of music. Its so.... Calm. He discovered that piece from Vinny's playlist. When he first heard it on his brother's speaker, he fell in love. It was one of the extremely rare cases in which he'd be committed enough to ask Vinny the name of the music.

Tiny shuffle for man-kind, huge fuckin step for Bo. Good job Bo, we're proud of you.

Also pleeeeeaaase message me or request stuff, I'm bored and have little inspiration 🦊

I might do a pt2 of this, since I didn't write many of the boys and gals🤷‍♀️

Also sorry if I've neglected some genres/artists (Like i've neglected non-piano classical pieces.... Bc ya girl is just a pianist), a person can't know everything😗

---Zali 🖤

[ofwolvesandbutterflies]

angel with a shotgun

Pairing: Jung Jaehyun x Reader

Genre: humor + tiny dash of fluff 

Tags: mafiaboss!jaehyun, oblivious!reader

Warnings: language, mentions of guns

day 18 of 30 days with NCT

Synopsis: in which Jaehyun - the sweet boy you grew up with who loves tiny animals, sweets, and poetry - looks suspiciously like a dangerous mafia boss... but you’re convinced he can’t be one. 

// I can’t be myself with anyone but you // (x)

--

[15:30]

“Why do you want me to teach you- actually, no. If you learn, I’d rather it be me teaching you… But why - why do you want to learn how to use a gun? It’s… it’s so unnecessary if you’re not in any immediate danger.” 

When you first came sprinting into his apartment a few minutes ago, Jaehyun’s immediate thought was that you were in some kind of trouble. Within seconds, he had his emergency FNX-45 cocked and locked under the desk, body tense as he prepared for whatever cry for help fell from your lips. Never in a million years had he been expecting you to slam the palms of your hands down on the surface of his mahogany desk and announce proudly that you wanted him to teach you how to use a gun. 

“You know what else is unnecessary?” You crossed your arms, narrowing your eyes at your childhood friend. A long sigh passed his lips as if he already knew what you were about to say. “Owning a vast collection of firearms for- for… for whatever it is you use them for.” He ran a tired hand through his hair. For someone who didn’t know what he did for a living, you did have a point. 

The moment you told your best friend you wanted to learn how to use a gun, something along the lines of dismay and regret flooded his gorgeous dark eyes. Before you had even finished your plea, Jaehyun had already  turned down your request, shuffling with something underneath his desk before rounding the table to sidle up beside you. It was strange, you frowned. Part of you was expecting him to be more excited about sharing this piece of himself with you. But he wasn’t and it threw you off kilter completely. 

“Y/N… You’re not unsafe,” Jaehyun started, eyes darting around the room for a better way to turn you down. “And the only reason I could justify teaching you how to use a gun would be...” the words died on his lips when you pushed off the table to stand in front of him, pout and puppy eyes already prepared on your lips. Jaehyun sucked in a breath, cursing at himself for not being able to say ‘no’ fast enough. Every time you made those eyes at him, any chance he had prior of refusing you dropped down to zero. He sighed, tucking his hands into his pockets while trying to come up with a better way around this. It was times like these when he wondered how successful he’d be in his underground dealings if you were there, pitted against him. 

You weren’t in danger, at least, he didn’t think you were. And while a large portion of Jaehyun wanted you to have a way to protect yourself in the case anything ever did happen to you… another equally large part of him didn’t even want to think of the possibility. Sure, he did all he could within respectable boundaries to keep you safe. He made sure to always take a different route to his personal apartment every time he needed to stop by, he had cameras installed around your homey little duplex, he made sure very few people saw the two of you together, and he always checked in with you to ensure his number was the first contact on speed dial. Then again, he was part of an illegal underground organization, and one could never be too safe. 

“You know what,” he spoke up, rolling his neck with a low groan, turning to shoot you a playful glare. “I really, really dislike you sometimes.” A bright smile lit up your face when he sighed. “But, I don’t have enough time to teach you any self defense, so…” he rounded his desk, opening and closing a couple of drawers before producing a pair of what you assumed were pistols. “Firearms 101 is now in session.” 

There was something just so strange about Jaehyun. And, no, you weren’t talking about the unusually large tattoo of a fearsome face decorating the smooth, ivory skin on his neck (though that, too was strange). You were speaking rather of the way he had an unusually large arsenal of weapons lying around his apartment… and the way he’d disappear - some instances for weeks at a time - only to return with a heightened sense of paranoia deep set in his body… and the way there were so, so many jagged scars lining his firm body. Had you not known better or had the opportunity to grow from fetus to adulthood with the handsome man, you would most definitely think him a part of the crime syndicates around the city. But… it was Jaehyun. 

Jaehyun was the cute boy in the sandbox at five years old, the one who cried when you accidentally tripped over his sand castle. He was the boy you raced around the playground with on tricycles and he was your very first accidental kiss in primary school. Jaehyun was your closest friend in middle school, the boy you spent every birthday with, the boy you always baked (or tried to bake) brownies with, the only boy you ever had a real crush on. He was your prom date in high school, he was your first real kiss, your first real date, your real first love (not that he knew). And even now, he was the first one to hear any piece of news from you, good or bad, exciting or depressing. He was still the boy who loved marshmallows. He was still the boy you’d catch crying during Wall-E. He was still the soft, kind hearted Jaehyun you trusted your life with. There was no way he could be a part of anything illegal. 

But he wasn’t perfect. Sweat dripped from your forehead and into your eyes as you glared at the target in front of you. 

“Oh my- NO, Y/N. Stop, stop, stop.” It had only been 10 minutes and Jaehyun was already losing his patience. You lowered the gun, a frustrated frown marring your usual joyful features. “Don’t bend your elbows at all. No bendy arms period or that bullet’s gonna fly somewhere you don’t want it to, okay? Straight arms, got it? Relax the shoulders, strong core, hands firm on the grip, and straight arms.” 

Lifting the hefty piece of polymer in your hands once more, it wasn’t long before you heard you friend suck in an uneasy breath. Beyond exasperated, you spun on your heels, ready to bite his head off. “Give me a break, would you? I’m try-”

“Woah, HEY!” Jaehyun pushed himself off the wall quicker than you were able to react, grabbing the barrel and pointing it away from his chest. “Y/N, focus! Watch where you’re pointing that thing, sweetheart!” The discouragement fizzled out of you slowly when you realized you had been that close to hitting your best friend. 

“Fuckin shit,” you whimpered, already feeling tears of frustration well up at the corners of your eyelids at your inability to do anything he was asking. “I-I’m so sorry, I could have hit you a-and I swear I didn’t mean to-” 

“Hey, shhh,” Jaehyun cupped your face with his free hands and brushed the unshed tears from your eyes with a tired chuckle. “It’s fine, I’m okay. You didn’t even pull the trigger.” Another sigh left his lips as he studied your stance for a brief moment. After a long moment, he moved behind you, pressing his chest up against your back in an effort to straighten it. All at once the tears stopped and a soft gasp fell from your mouth when he brought his arms up around yours to fix the positioning. His natural baritone voice sounded right by your ear, breath fanning out over your neck when he squeezed your hands just a little tighter around the grip. 

“See how different that feels now?” 

You nodded wordlessly, mind racing with the recurring thought of just how close he was to you as your heart pounded ridiculously fast within your chest. 

“Ready?” 

Another nod. 

“3… 2… 1.” On one, he pressed your finger down on the trigger. The sound of the shot reverberated in the sound proof booth and you blinked. A single hole appeared on the target, right through the center.