#and am sort of trying to work on it today
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Dan: They only onboarded me today and I have orientation tomorrow. Hopefully I get to meet some of the animals.
Ares: Oh so that’s why you have those goofy shoes, I thought you were leading the girl scouts for a second.
Dan: You’re buggin! Frances said they were cute.
Ares: It’s not a bad look, it makes me feel like we’re going on an adventure.
Dan: I bought you a boba and this is how you treat me?!
Ares: [ snickers ] Where are we going, captain?
Dan: I hate everything.
Ares: Ok, ok! You’re right I shouldn’t treat sugar mamas like that.
Dan: Ares! Shut up!
Ares: [ whispers ] I think the whole store is looking at us.
Dan: And?? Let them look.
Ares: Wait, wait, make sure my hair looks good.
Dan: You’re so…
Ares: Well?
Dan: It looks fine.
Ares: I am proud of you by the way.
Dan: Really?
Ares: Yeah! It’s cool, graduation’s around the corner and you have this sick job to look forward to.
Dan: Oh! Neat.
Ares: Did I say something wrong?
Dan: Not at all, I guess I want to feel the same excitement as my friends do.
Ares: Ah, I see. Well, you know it’s alright to feel that way, right?
Dan: I know. Walk me to the train?
Ares: [ nods ]
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Dan: My mom would project all of her dreams onto me. So success doesn’t ever seem real to me. Like there’s always some sort of ladder to climb.
Ares: You ever think you haven’t found the right one?
Dan: I do but then again I worry if anything truly is satisfying enough to try.
Ares: Then maybe that’s the issue.
Dan: What is?
Ares: We’re too busy measuring things by success rather than happiness.
Dan: Ahh, I see the vision.
Ares: Maybe take this step as the thing that’ll allow you to build a future you want. Like a platform.
Dan: I guess I’ve been under the impression that a career was the end goal not the foundation.
Ares: Felt that.
Dan: Yeah right.
Ares: Dan, I don’t know what I want to be. There’s music, photography, going back to school. I feel like I’ve spent more time trying to pick something than actually doing it. You have something to work off of.
Dan: So do you. Plenty of things.
Dan: Look, you should listen to your advice as well. There’s a lot of good stuff in there.
Ares: Hey, don’t move.
Dan: Noo. I hate having my picture taken.
Ares: Then act like I’m not here.
Dan: That literally changes nothing.
Ares: Oke I’m taking it now.
Dan: Ugh.
Ares: Shit. You might’ve blinked.
Dan: Seriously?!
Ares: [ laughs ] No. Not at all.
Dan: This dude.
Ares: You should catch your train now.
Dan: That would be smart.
Dan: Ares?
Ares: Yes?
Dan: You’re a pretty cool guy.
Ares: Ah. Nice, nice.
Dan: Awkward as fuck too.
Ares: PFFT I’m leaving now.
Dan: Bye.
#erhm 🤓☝️ i beg ur pardon but are u BITCHES PLAYING FOOTSIE?!#u would think being friends with atlas dan would have picked up a thing or two on flirting but NOPE#but also i think ares likes being bullied by dan but only dan#tessellate#tessellate: ares#tessellate: dan#ts4#show us your story#simblr
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Your view pisses me off We all have free will so we can still change a lot I doubt its all fated…
well tell that to the people in palestine or sudan or colonies, to the mother of my friend who had to stay in her abusive relationship until she died because of her daughter, to the mother who lost her unborn child, to the man who lost his leg while hiking, to the little girl who was raped, to my little brother whose eye caught the worst infection when he was three, to the people who are blind or deaf or mentally unstable, to the little girls who grow up with abusive mothers, to that girl in 8th class who is always overshadowed by her classmates despite being talented, to—
this is part of why i never want to see people who don't understand hindu religion or are not spiritual to enter astrology; free will exists, but we never know where. maybe i am fated to have the best husband but the worst in-laws. do you know what will happen? even the criminal that marries me will turn a good man, and even if they belong to a royal family, their family will turn against me for some reason or the other.
there is just karma, which we all must do. but the result of all things is fated, fated, and fated. those of us who face adversity and still rise above it become kings, princes or the privileged in their next life. every person who is blessed in any manner, worked in their past life to achieve it so they have it now. sorry to break your sorry little bubble, but life's not like that.
let's say i kick a puppy today. then, someday, some ten years later, when i get splashed with dirty water while going for an important job interview, i will go 'why me?!' but yes, me. yes, i did something to deserve it, and now i am getting it. few things in life are not result of our own actions in the past, convincing yourself otherwise is futile. and even if, let's say, the universe seems to hate you, then if you keep your head down and take it and learn to rise above it, then you'll be rewarded for it in the future.
astrology, numerology, tarot etc are the map to our lives. detouring is possible, yes, but the thing is that our paths are decided based on what we were in the past, what we are to face in this life and how we are most likely to react to it. rarely do people react differently, and so most people live the lives that was written for them in the stars.
free will exists merely in how we react to adversity in life, not in what sort of adversity we are to face. your 'free will' can't stop death, accidents, bad relationships, back-stabbing people, bad bosses, misfortunes or anything else. your free will exists only in whether you accept death as the truth of life or as something to be mourned indefinitely over. your free will exists only in whether you think of life as something to live or as something to utilize to become better.
your free will exists only in your thoughts and mindsets. and when the mindset changes, the life does too! ❤
i can't even be angry here, i'm just pitying you right now. believing whatever trash is thrown around everywhere, trying to convince yourself that misery or sadness is not a result of one's own actions. the day you realise the truth, you'll find this entire thing a propaganda, too.
#vedic astrology#astrology#astro community#astrology observations#answered#astrology notes#astrology blog#astro observations#astro notes#astrology readings
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#well. i STARTED and ATTEMPT at a drawing yesterday#and am sort of trying to work on it today#which is... something i guess?#havent really touched a pencil in months#so this is an improvement#i'm positive it isn't something i'll be able to pull off the way i want to (if i indeed finish it at all)#but i'm trying to keep trying with it anyway#miserable as it is to want so obsessively to accomplish something that i know is out of reach#i think i DO prefer that over my alternative of just. not wanting literally anything like is usually the case lately#idk why im posting this lol#i mean the drawing itself is relevant (Hiruzen + Enma)#but this is mostly just me angsting abt art struggles and brain problems#idk maybe just as an acknowledgment of my continuing obsession since i don't have anything better to post lmao#anyway.#what the FUCK are proportions
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hey people i am starting to feel VERY demotivated in regards to my online school so if you could provide any motivation it'd be greatly appreciated :(
#for those who want the context:#not only have I not been able to work on my main classes because of my pms and stress on how to catch up#AND the situation from the still making me feel all sorts of bad#but Friday I didn't submit one of my forensics things on time due to the other projects and the unit closes today#and because I'm trying to keep my grades as high as I can I'm freaking out that it'll lower my grade and then my overall gpa#so yeah I am NOT doing well#artsandramblesandstuff#online school
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Day 2 - Transition. A conversation with your future self. colourless ver. under rm !!
#Trans Jayce Week 2023#jayce giopara#jayce league of legends#league of legends#arcane league of legends#league of legends fanart#transtism real#i have a class early tomorrow soooo i finished this at a . more REASONABLE time today#tonight? idk. whatever. slay#transition#jayce talis#thats who this ! is supposed to be specifically but itse fine it works either way itll do teehee#meowing loudly . the colours on this gave me sooo much trouble#fun pose!!!!!!!!!!!!! colouring makes me murderous#man of progress my ass. man of horrible colur harmonies and unessesary additions to the pallette (looking at you yellow sock)#BUT !! all in all i Guess i like this piece :] itse a more ambitious pose than id usually try and!! other than the legs floating a bit it#has pretty !! decent contact points ect i think so :)#figure studies my belobved youve made me a much better man#i am this close to putting vik + jayce into some sort of artist au thing because autism begs me to mix special interests#viktors the type of freak to learn about sine waves and proper physics terms to properly animate a dress in the wind or something#them working in a studio together? i am crazy. i am insane. autism is overtaking me. im half human and half foxy /ref#shoutout to me for talking so much in thesetags also. stay winning jase nation. if you read to the end of these you get a prize
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I have found a beautiful perfect humble rock specimen that is light yellow with a weird dark yellowy brown lining, somewhat resembling a chunk of smoked gouda cheese... effervescent
#I am still very into trash collecting at the moment and even went out and got one of those grabby sticks for cheap and a little#bucket I can carry around and put trash in. so I am going on walks in nature a bit more (not really to enjoy nature but more to play the#very fun Real Life Hidden Object Point And Click Game that is 'hunt for bottle caps and cans' .. but eh.. whatever gets me out of the#house lol).. anyway.. some nature places near water will have cool rocks#Which I know you're not supposed to take them and I MOSTLY dont.. but every once in a while it's like... when else will I ever find a#gouda rock... I have cleaned up 4 buckets of trash today.. I have helped the environment.. mayhaps.. i could take a One Single Rocke as a#treate... ANYWAY. but yeah. I don't know the names of rocks but there's a rock that's a matte muted marigold yellow sort of#color and I call them 'cheese rock'. I'm pretty sure this one is of the 'cheese rock' species but it just has weird brown coloration#like maybe it got stained or something on one side of it. Most of the other cheese rocks have no markings. though sometimes there will be a#auburn reddish sort of hue on a corner or something.. hrmm.. curious. I also got a Beginner's Hobby rock tumbler and some supplies#so I might try polishing some of the rocks from my enormous rock collection. even though they're all street rocks I picked up from sidewalk#and stuff. I saw a video where someone put random gravel and stuff in a rock tumbler and none of them were Stunning Gems or whatver#but some still turned out cool enough that I would be pleased with the result... OUgh.. I want to post more I need to like do costumes and#sculptures and stuff and be Active On Social Media and think about my Future and Career and how it always benefits artists to keep an#active social media or etc. but I just feel so tired and bad lately. I think the summer heat waves have really exhausted me. I also have#been trying to make new friends + on a weird schedule so I've been socializing and also watching media too much. I notice I always start#to feel this kind of unsettled stress of not making any forward progress in my life if I do that for too long. like 'Okay this week I've#done nothing but meet up with two friends & watch like 10 episodes of tv and only worked on a few projects on the side.. this is HORRIBLE!'#(ppl who follow me here that I talk to on discord: this isn't about you! Im specifically just referencing being tired of introductory talks#with a new round of random strangers during my Friend Hunt. Just clarifying so it couldn't be misinterpreted as vaguepost implying that I'm#secretly bothered by talking to you or etc. lol.. anyway) . Which I know to MOST people 'I talked to a lot of friends and watched some cool#stuff!' sounds like a GOOD relaxing time but.. to me it is not ghhj.. Those are 'external' focuses on things outside myself which bothers#me if not moderated. Like.. i MUST retreat internally to work on my worldbuilding and my own thoughts and etc. at very regular intervals or#it will really start to bear on me too much. Brain Mandated Hermit Isolation lol. Just being too detached from my world and stuff for#too long feels increasingly bad. PLUS. every day I don't make tangible progress towards my goals is a day wasted that I could have been#investing in my future by working on novels/games/sculptures/actual career relevant stuff. Not even in a Capitalism way i just genuinely#enjoy Completing Tasks & feel miserable if I don't for too long. EVEN the media I'm watching I turn into A Task since I rank in a detailed#google doc list after viewing lol.. Like EW movie too boring on it's own. NEED to turn it into something I can categorize and analyze ghghj#LOVE to make things more complicated than they need to be. like YAAAY organizational tasks! yaay meticulous sorting!! BOO ''mindless fun''!
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yeah okay. maybe it is actually all worth it
#the fucking lights in his little eyes.....#i had to crop most of this out bc i don't want my face on the internet but unpictured is him standing horizontally against the chair#and basically laying across my shoulders and kicking his neck back like that#YOU CAN EVEN SEE THE LITTLE SPOTS WHERE HIS TEETH POKE OUT BC THEY'RE TOO BIG FOR HIS DAMN MOUTH#he LOVES to sit and watch movies w me but i don't have a couch and the chair is sort of awkward for him#so to think that one day i will be in my own apartment watching a movie on a comfy couch with this thing crawling all over me....#it'll be hard but if i get to see him like this all the time maybe it'll all be worth it#ive noticed i have a hard time sharing happy things bc im worried people will hold them against me when i become not so happy#so when i have my 30th depressive spiral of the week in like 12 hours nobody is allowed to use this post to invalidate my drama ok#not that i think anyone would but still#just bc i am happy now does not mean i will be happy tomorrow and im trying to learn how to recognize when i feel happy#but it always comes w a little hint of ''people will use this against you''#and for me remembering that i was once very happy and will be happy again does NOT make me feel better#bc who gives a shit if i was once happy and will be again! i feel like shit rn and i WILL AGAIN#anyway. i DONT feel like shit rn but you get the metaphor#edge of sleep. cool movie. my cat rubbed all over me. AND i don't have to work tomorrow#AND i wrote my cover letter today#anyway nite nite
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giving into the brainrot and planning a five times kanej fic
#is it probably going to be something a million people have already done? most likely#am i gonna try my damndest to make it unique? sure hope so#i might actually do it as show!kanej i haven’t decided#though following show canon and where they were taking it#it would kind of end up the same. sort of. idk#i need to actually do my work today bc i’m so behind not plot fics😭
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“are the girls going to help you make pierogis?” well no one else is fucking gonna are they? no one else in this house has functional fucking hands apparently
#every Christmas i think about the time we came home from mass and my father said “finally! now we can relax.” and sat down at his computer#and played video games for the next three hours while my mother and sister and i stood six feet away from him in the kitchen making#200 pierogis.#it’s crazy considering the amount of stuff he gets done for him on a daily basis that I would never even think would be done for me by anyo#like bed made for him/all meals/all dishes/food put on his plate for him because he refuses to do it himself/pretty much all errands#whenever he wants tea he just says that want out loud and it gets brought to him by magic#i mean or anything else! he once said “did you say we were having cappuccinos today?” just to no one in particular and we all knew no one h#had said anything of the sort. and then he was given one!#of course he goes to work from 8-6ish every day but other than one day a week it’s remote and has been for years and i can hear him#he is pretty much never not on the phone gossiping with someone#and i don’t begrudge him having a not physically intensive job or anything but im just trying to think of the things he has to do#he makes my mother mow the lawn. i do it when i am home because i think that’s disgraceful.#if my mother begs hard enough he'll do the least amount of yard work possible if it’s something we can’t physically do by ourselves.#but on a daily basis it’s just go to work/eat the breakfast brought to you/eat the lunch brought to you/come downstairs eat the dinner made#for you/play video games until you go to bed in the bed that was made for you in the morning#and on non work days it’s just eat/video games/bed#and like all this to say#he complains more and has a worse attitude than anyone I have ever known in my life#whenever he encounters a minor inconvenience he's talking about how it never ends and he never gets a chance to rest for once#literally any day that’s not spent in complete and total stagnation is considered a failure#he hates when my mother and sister and i are happy like we can’t even play music and laugh in the kitchen while we cook and clean up after#meals because it distracts him from his video games and his YouTube videos about video games and the war in Ukraine#he gets mad when we laugh too much lol like dude you’re pretty lucky you have daughters who can have fun while doing the dishes#considering you haven’t done them in like 20 years#word to the ladies out there btw: my parents used to clean up after dinner together when they first got married. so watch out lmao
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I wanna make a longer post about how much like... how much labor there is taking place in the used clothing market that most people don't think/care about. But I have to sleep.
#idk why im so hot about this today but i truly genuinely am#short version: before claiming that something is overpriced try to take into account the following:#a lot more work. upfront cost. and time goes into reselling than you think.#its actually a skillset. and to get any real payout you have to treat it like a legit part time job#and if its a physical location that takes donations#a LOT of man hours go into sorting said donations. because people will just donate garbage straight up.#and then after the usable stuff is sorted out it's getting laundered (<- pretty much every second had store launders their clothes#you know how all goodwills smell the same? its because they all use the same detergent)#THEN each individual item needs to be organized & priced.#hours of work before its even put up for sale. and that also involves labor.#because you need people to actually put it out on the floor and ring it up and etc etc#lets not even get started on the admin hours involved if its a larger store#and if its a smaller store or an individual reseller there's a non-zero chance that they are also repairing and/or#altering items before they put them up for sale.#like sometimes the price really is about greed (the bastards of goodwill try to pull shit sometimes)#but often that's actually just what the item costs after processing
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Song of the Day: May 3
"Life Less Frightening" by Rise Against
#song of the day#'I don't ask for much / truth be told I'd settle / for a life less frightening'#another song that when I sing it alone it doesn't sound much like the original but I do so like to sing it#check me stirring my roux humming 'these lives we live test negative for happiness' sweetly to myself#today was Friday and I'm still trying to decide if I'm satisfied with the amount of work I got done this week#I suppose I'll have to be#I had my weekly report meeting and again the updates my boss asked for in the meeting were not the ones she asked me to prepare#so I split-screened her and delivered the prepared updates as I frantically opened and updated the new request#and then when she finished making politely falsely interested sounds (I'm not bitter I'm not I'm not) she asked again for the new update#and by then I had it ready! saved it as I brought up the share-screen and showed it to her#too frustrated in the moment to be properly proud of myself but now it's hours later and I'm feeling a little smug about it#little back-pats for me#I have something like a project timeline worked out for the idiot project#and I did some good work in the garden (nasturtium growing up the post under the bird feeder. very pleased it took the transplant so well)#and I sooooort of sorted the freezer stuff. kind of. mostly we ate the things I wanted to rearrange but I've got a plan for moving forward#the last non-work thing I'd really wanted to accomplish this week was getting my queue set up again here#I've gone through my drafts and done some prep but as you can see the queue isn't actually running again yet#hopefully I'll do that tomorrow. we'll see how it goes#the queue may have to wait until Sunday because I must confess if I can accomplish only one single solitary thing tomorrow#I would like it to be six hours of uninterrupted sleep. may it please the gods I shall rest tomorrow. blessed weekend#edit: wait wait I'm a fool I'm a fool I just typed 'May 3' and still I am a fool#it's May the Fourth!!#happy star wars day my loves if I don't get the queue up today after all#it's because I'm reshuffling everything because I've got a new influx of SW posts to distribute!!
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writes one tiny thing and fucks back off
#again I wanted to do stuff today... and again I am just dissociating lmao#the way I just realized that the usual day to day routine in the apartment shifting lately#is possibly what's had me so fucked up the last week or so#everything has felt off balance and I haven't been able to focus and I have been SO emotional#I think that's it. or part of it at least. the usual stability has been knocked around & I'm not coping#with that little realization... I'm really not gonna try to push myself to make words work#gonna just try to take it easy... bc I'm not functioning super well rn#sorry if I end up shitposting or throwing more headcanons out there again this evening#I want to be here sm... my own dumb oc is my hyperfixation so even when I don't have the energy to write... im thinking about Them#ESPECIALLY while I'm feeling like shit lmaoshfjsg#gonna be considering doing an inbox call of some sort later I think...#so I can feel like I'm doing something but I'm maybe less messy on the dash lmaoooo#━━ ˟ ⊰ ✰ ooc ⋮ don’t @ me.
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OOC:
#(still out of town! making tracks home today)#(I'm going to try and be REALLY ambitious on the train and make a TLDR of the bio so I can keep working on it but not have the blog paused#plus it feels like rp blogs are moving away from having abouts/bios?? so I still don't know if this is actually going to be worth it??)#(I am still going to write up the full version and share it on the fic blog though.)#just the intern (ooc)#on the tablet#(maybe I'm just old fashioned but I feel like having a 'canon' character shouldn't exempt you from having some sort of backstory)#(gotta get back to this work while the niece is still asleep)
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Hi! This might not be too helpful but I thought I'd share anyway just in case. You wrote in an ask reply tag that you realized that you are not a person who is okay but that it is alright. That reminded me so much of some of my own realisations about myself. I've come to learn that I cannot handle as much as others. Cannot take on as many tasks, as many meet ups (even friendly), or fill my day with as many things as people around me. It always felt like that meant that I was somehow less or weaker. But runninng into the same phenomenon over and over again made me question things. Also I would never think this about anyone else, this painful way of thinking was only reserved for myself. But with time I figured that maybe it was absolutely okay to have a different capacity for things. This is FINE. I'm not wrong or weak for this. Don't get me wrong, its still a daily struggle to remind myself, but it does get easier to believe.
So when I read this tag of yours I was really hoping that you meant it in a similar way, where this knowledge can bring comfort. You deserve the comfort! Wish I could hug you tightly 🫂
i love that you sent me this ask. i love that you worked (and are working) towards acceptance and respect and gentleness. you deserve that and i’m proud of you 🤍
as for myself, it’s a bit like that too, yeah
“i’m not okay but it’s fine it’s fine we move on anyway”
some days it means “i’m not okay but what the hell am i gonna do about it now except watch cartoons and try not to think until not being okay is not as prevalent and choking anymore”
some days it means “i’m not okay but i’ll try anyway, who knows what good might come of it”
some days it means “i’m not okay but in 10 minutes or an hour or tomorrow might be so i’ll put myself out there”
some days it means “i’m not okay and i haven’t been and maybe never will be and i get to mourn that, i get to be angry for all the past versions of myself who were refused help, i get to do things for them, because we are not okay and we get to be angry but still we deserve nice things”
some days it means “i’m not okay and that’s fine because there are people who will help me”
some days it means “i’m not okay and i will take a break now, i will breathe and try again later, or accept that simply cannot do this right now”
sometimes we just live with that mental limp, and some days it’s worse than others. we can’t pretend like it’s not there — what good would that bring? no, we just live with it. it’s fine, it’s fine, we move on anyway. but still we get to decide how and at what pace and in which direction we move on. it’s just the moving on part that is non-negotiable, and i feel like we deserve more credit for that — mostly from ourselves.
#i’ll go and stop trying to do my homework or work on my projects and presentations and oral exams that are coming up#they won’t let me breathe right now i don’t wanna do this anymore i can’t think i can’t access my brain#so what point is there in making myself cry when what i need to do is accept that i can’t do this today?#i don’t move on from the desperation and breathlessness and sobbin but instead move on from the thing that hurts my brain#i don’t mean to like. be mentally ill on main but goddamn 😂😂#anyway i really do love that you sent me this ask nonnie i don’t know if i’m making sense but in my defense i am crying lmao#and i want 2023 to be over i want summer to be over but i don’t want the winter either and i might actually be in some sort of crisis idk#anyway uh everyone listen to ‘looking for something’ by CASTLEBEAT. that’ll heal you
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i actually think today is going to be really good for me. and tomorrow i'm going to go to boxing and if my coach is mad at me then ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmm i'll die 4ever but also it'll be okay. and then SATURDAY. i don't know. but i'll be okay. i'll be Alright. Is! The! Thing! god i need to start writing again........ sunday might be a shitshow but next week !!!!! will also quite likely be a shitshow but i think in a kind of glorious hysteric maybe a bit hypermanic way
#the thing is i AM going to get this essay done before work today even if i have to make a deal with the literal devil for it#and then work today will be good for me i genuinely think just to sort my fucking head out#i don't think i'm going to get the chance to make the soup i wanted to make but that's fine#and boxing tomorrow morning will be excellent and i'll get back to going 3x a week next week !!!!!!!#work Tomorrow should also be good <3 and i'll submit my OTHER essay#and saturday i'll try get out and do something because i think it's important that i remember how to interact with people#sunday . well . we'll hope for the best . i think i need to buy my friend a birthday present on sunday .#guys can you tell i'm terrified out of my mind for how the rest of this week is going to go.........
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I would like it very much if my apartment complex would stop shutting off the fucking water with zero prior notice.
#second day of this#I am Displeased.#also they haven't sent out pest control reminders so idk if the bug guy's coming out today or not#my apartment is still a depression disaster zone#which I have been trying to remedy but surprisingly it's hard to do your dishes when your WATER KEEPS GETTING TURNED OFF#yesterday it was just the hot water#and boiling a kettle repeatedly for wash water sucks#and today it's just all of the water#full stop#they're doing some sort of work on a main line in this building#but they didn't bother to tell us what#or how long#didn't even get a text about it yesterday until two hours after I called the office to be like hiiiiii my hot water is off#and then they sent out a 'water is off in 3 buildings while maintenance replaces a part#will be back on within half an hour.'#nnngh
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