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misspelledwordswizard · 1 month ago

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Chapter 12 - I would love to know how people entertained themselves before technology.

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We had been walking for almost an hour, we woke up well after sunrise and were blessed with the opportunity to have a hearty breakfast. It was clear that the Old man was apprehensive, since the attack the night before, he had spared no effort in fulfilling his order not to keep me alone, no matter which way I went, there would always be two heroes on my neck. It is annoying, but I understand that it is necessary, it is better this way.

Due to the previous events there was also an evident concern about a question that had been raised previously: What does the Shadow want with me? I cannot think of plausible reasons that do not lead me to paranoia that it is possible that it is aware of my secret, and if that is true, then I am in serious trouble.

I hate lying to them, the heroes who are trying so hard to help me, but I am not as brave as they are, I do not feel ready for them to know the truth, I am afraid of losing them. But if anyone, especially him, finds out about this, they can use it as blackmail against me. That shadow, if he tries to attack me again, no, when he tries to attack me again I will try to get information out of him. I will need to learn the gift of getting information out of him through idle chatter.

The sun was not so strong today, which is actually a relief for my burnt skin begging for mercy. Unfortunately, what was different from the previous day was also the lack of fun in the group, everyone was worried and distressed, so much so that not even a good night’s sleep and being well fed could lift their spirits. Maybe last night everyone was trying to maintain the good vibes so as not to cause me more stress, but today no one had that much energy.

Luckily for me, Wind was not the type to push you out of bed, we had a peaceful night without disturbances. Four, on the other hand, had been complaining since he woke up about how Wild was kicking, pushing and stealing the blanket. I think the idea of sharing beds in the stables was completely annihilated after that.

— You seem worried. – Wars spoke next to me, loud enough for only me to hear, his tone was not very cheerful, bordering on concern.

— I can’t stop thinking about possible reasons that brought me here. – I was sincere in my answer, he didn’t need to know the details, but it was okay to tell him.

— It sounds crazy, doesn’t it? But don’t worry, we’ll get your life back to normal, even if it takes a while.

I smiled, thanking him for trying to comfort me, but deep down I know that neither of us is sure of what might happen. No matter what I did, the bad feeling of discomfort wouldn’t go away, it was like a bad premonition that followed me and whispered in my ear that I shouldn’t be there.

This whole walk seemed pointless to me, even though I knew the final goal, after all, I probably wouldn’t even be able to enter the forest, and even if I did, I wouldn’t see anything. But the part that discouraged me the most was knowing that we have to keep walking down this road, with nothing intriguing along the way, na absolute bore. Maybe my quiet life reading books wasn’t as boring as I thought.

According to Wild, it was about a day and a half’s walk from the stable we left to the next one, Woodland Stable, so we would end up camping halfway, near the bridge. I observed the surroundings absentmindedly, looking for something interesting to keep my attention, but I couldn’t concentrate, until I noticed Hyrule somewhat apart from everyone else. Curiosity overcame me, suddenly the slightest bit of intrigue was enough to entertain me, anything was better than walking for hours in silence – I miss being able to listen to music while doing boring and repetitive things.

I walked faster to get to the Traveler, but kept a certain distance to observe and find out if it was appropriate to start a conversation. It was then that I saw something shiny approaching the boy right in front of me, who seemed to be waiting for it. The small floating ball of light flew quickly towards Hyrule, rubbing itself affectionately on his cheeks as a form of greeting. A fairy, who seemed to be a friend of the hero, definitely.

Adorable, to say the least, this seemed to cheer up the Traveler, who laughed excitedly, momentarily drawing the attention of the others, who seemed accustomed to it as they merely shrugged their shoulders with na occasional smile at seeing their brother happy.

I felt even more intrigued, assuming that it would be no problem, I approached the happy duo, trying to formulate a coherent sentence, but I was noticed before I could do so. The little fairy flew towards me so quickly that it hit my forehead, with such a loud thud that the noise drew the attention of those around us and the little fairy ended up falling back dizzy. She quickly recovered and began to circle me excitedly.

— Hm, hello? – I said shyly, embarrassed to be caught looking and still momentarily catch everyone’s attention. Rulie laughed softly when she saw her little friend’s excitement.

— You’re as beautiful as the great fairy said! You’re perfect! – The little fairy’s high-pitched voice resounded not very loudly, it was rare to see fairies talking, especially to common Hylians like me, their voices sounded like a tinkling of bells, yes, Peter Pan was right.

— I, well, thank you, that’s very kind. – I felt my cheeks heat up with embarrassment, being complimented by a fairy like that so randomly was a life situation that I would put in a diary, if that makes sense. – I’m perfect for what? – The last sentence the little fairy said intrigued me, I saw the hero look surprised at my question in the background, but the fairy just ignored it and continued speaking, so quickly that I couldn’t understand.

— This is my si- friend. A friend I made during my adventures. – Hyrule explained to me as the little fairy returned to his side, landing on his shoulder.

— Yes, friends! And you, what you and Link are? – The fairy spoke provocatively, but was cut off by a nervous hero.

— Anyway, she just came to say hi, it’s not safe for a fairy to accompany us on this trip. But I’m glad you met! – Hyrule spoke hurriedly as he walked away, taking the fairy with him while whispering something to her sternly.

I sighed in frustration. There goes my entertainment. I wonder what made him so nervous, maybe he just didn’t want the little fairy to explain about his adventures, he was a child at the time, he must have done several shameful or adorable things. Now I wanted to be able to talk to the fairy even more.

I looked around for anything else that caught my attention. God, even after so many years I’m still influenced by the habits of my past life. I was always surrounded by information and entertainment due to the Internet and various different forms of entertainment, or even due to various problems. Now, my life was simple and my biggest source of dopamine was the books I read, something I can’t do now.

Over the years as I grew up, I discovered that life here is very sad for those who know the technological world. Or maybe it was because I don’t have any friends. I mean, if I had a lot of friends I could have fun listening to gossip about their lives or just go out and do stupid things, even if it was in the middle of nowhere with nothing really fun to do.

How boring.

◇

We were finally stopping after hours of walking. I could no longer feel my feet and my legs were shaking with exhaustion. I sat down under the shade of a tree, relief hitting me as hard as a gunshot. Next to me, a smaller body joined me. Four looked exhausted. The poor guy had barely slept and was still forced to walk for hours without stopping.

I was going to comfort him, offering him the water I was about to drink, but I was surprised to feel a weight on my shoulder. The blond head was hanging to the side, resting on my left shoulder while the boy breathed calmly as if nothing was bothering him. The bastard fell asleep. I couldn’t stay mad, with him so close I could see the dark circles under his eyes. In the end, I owe the blacksmith, he was always so kind and tried so hard to help me, he even made me a sword. I’m still mad about yesterday’s painful training, but I’ll forget about it for now, I’ll charge him when he’s in good shape.

I felt my body relax from the previous tension due to the unexpected contact, his neck would hurt if he slept like that, so I pulled his small body closer and moved the blond head gently so that it was on my lap, much more comfortable for both of us. I leaned against the tree and sighed, feeling my eyelids grow heavy as fatigue hit me again.

The idea of taking a nap before we got back on the road was tempting, but that possibility was snatched away from me when a steaming bowl of food was placed in front of my face, the smell so good it woke me up immediately. Wild chuckled softly at my reaction as he handed me the food, and I had to control myself from drooling right there. The Cook sat on my right side with his own bowl as we ate together in comfortable silence. I wondered if I should wake the blacksmith to eat, but putting myself in his shoes I figured I would be annoyed if he woke me up in na exhausted state to eat. He can sleep for now, I’ll ask the Champion to save some food for Four to eat along the way.

I heard the sound of male laughter nearby in the distance. The sailor seemed to be cheering everyone up with his adventure stories. Good thing the mood was very tense. I wouldn’t want it to last too long. Even from a distance, I could see that Time still looked very serious, stressed to say the least. After all, he must have a lot on his shoulders, a lot to worry about.

Maybe I should try talking to him later. I may not be useful in battle, but I have some emotional knowledge that I can share with these poor traumatized boys, some of them not so young anymore, but still just as traumatized. But that would have to wait, a more private moment when I didn’t have a man on my lap.

God, that sounded weird.

My food bowl was empty in no time. Wild was kind enough to bring it to me since I couldn’t get up at the moment. Lost in thought again, I ran my hands through the blond hair in my lap. It was incredibly silky. It was addictive to run my fingers through the soft locks. I would ask him what conditioner he used if I didn’t know that the answer would be “none”.

My eyes closed again in tiredness, I hope someone wakes me up when it’s time to leave, because I’m taking a nap right now, and I don’t blame myself for that.

◇

I was woken up not long after, still groggy from sleep, I continued walking without even paying attention to my surroundings. The further we walked, the more I questioned my life decisions. Actually, lives decisions, in the plural. The sun was already well to the west and the weather was cloudy, it was definitely better than walking under the scorching sun, but that also meant a chance of rain along the way, and considering that we would have to sleep under the stars that night, it wasn’t something I wanted to witness.

I approached Wind, putting na arm around his shoulders to keep my balance as I threw my weight onto him, making him stagger. I laughed and removed my weight, keeping my arm on his shoulders out of pure laziness, luckily he just laughed and didn’t complain. I continued to ramble as we walked side by side, but I could feel that the sailor was restless, something that wasn’t very common, since he always says everything on his mind.

— What happened? – I asked cautiously, not wanting to invade his personal space.

— I just... – He looked at me with those abandoned puppy dog eyes. – I’m worried about you, it’s not fair that you ended up involved in all this and now you’re in danger. You didn’t have to go through this.

The way he cared for me made my heart ache, poor kid, his own life is chaos and he still finds time to spend with my troubled self. I wanted to comfort him, take away his sadness, but the truth is I didn’t know how. I’ve never dealt with this before, I don’t know what to do, when can I comfort him about something that shakes me to the core?

— You don’t need to worry your little head about that, I’m fine, in the end I don’t regret anything, if none of this had happened I wouldn’t have met you. – I tried to comfort him in the best way I could think of, in the end it’s not a lie, my life is chaos, but before I was lost, I was alone.

The sailor didn’t say anything else, but I could see him sigh and smile melancholically, accepting my answer and putting his arm around my back, in a side hug as we walked. Mental fatigue was starting to set in on me, along with, of course, physical fatigue, I really didn’t have the energy to deal with all this, I could feel less and less like interacting.

Spending so much time only made me unaccustomed to all this attention, being surrounded by people could be very good, but I still couldn’t do it for so long, I like my space. But I have nowhere to run, I’m stuck with constant company due to my current dangerous situation. Not that I don’t enjoy their company, I really do. Being with them makes me happy, but I feel suffocated by having to keep so much inside me, without being able to vent or get it out. Maybe it would be smart to get a new diary. At least I know my secrets will be safe as long as I keep them written in Earth’s alphabet.

I felt a cold, damp sting in my nose. I instinctively looked up and saw dense rain clouds beginning to fall upon us. The others noticed just as quickly. With an order from Time, we started to hurry, picking up the pace to reach the shelter beneath a group of trees near the path.

We went as fast as we could, but even so, we arrived completely soaked at the improvised shelter. The trees didn’t work miracles, rain still passed through the leaves, but most of it was blocked, allowing us a moment to breathe. We were still very far from the next stable, there was no way we could try to get there like that. We all struggled to get the excess rainwater off our bodies and hair, but the damage was already done. Twilight shook his head aggressively to dry his hair, like a wet dog, which resulted in more splashes falling on me and Wind.

The rancher apologized, but that didn’t stop us from giving him irritated looks. I pulled the brat next to me closer to a tree where was drier, grabbing my own towel from my bag and rubbing it on his blond hair to dry him as much as possible, doing the same to myself soon after. While we tried to dry ourselves and not get more wet, Warriors and Legend worked to spread a long cloth between the trees to have some kind of protection against the icy drops of rain. It’s likely that we’ll stay here until the rain stops, or even until daybreak.

The fabric used as a temporary roof was thick and made of a nearly waterproof material, it seems that they had already taken precautions well in advance of a possible similar situation. Wild gathered as many dry branches as he could find for a makeshift campfire, which would be used mainly for warmth. We all huddled around the low fire that we struggled to maintain as the silence echoed, only the sound of the rain in the background creating a somewhat soothing soundtrack.

The space we had didn’t allow us to spread out too much, so we would have to deal with this tangle of bodies seeking warmth. The Cook provided food for us to eat later while the others, with nothing much to do, just stood there, some sulking – Legend more specifically – while others seemed more frustrated or tired.

I sighed heavily, leaning back, leaning against the tree behind me, followed by Sky who wasted no time in settling down for a nap until the rain stopped or the food was ready, whichever came first.

Wind played absentmindedly with a branch, making random drawings in the damp earth. Time watched the horizon, trying to identify when this storm would pass. Many followed the chosen hero’s example and relaxed, Four was grateful to be able to sleep a little longer, while others were content to remain bored and lost in thought. I didn’t feel tired enough to sleep, but I wasn’t willing to lose myself even further in the depressive depths of my thoughts and ideas, so I tried to make conversation.

— Well, at least it’s not thundering. – I said, looking at the sky, trying to sound positive, but soon after a loud bang was heard, refuting me. – Oh, fuck it!

I heard some laughter about my terrible luck and a frustrated sigh coming from the older man. Boredom took over me, I tried to distract myself by thinking about the different things I liked on Earth, cartoons, series, movies, music. Anything. I tried to go over movies I liked in my mind, from watching so much I knew almost all the lines of my favorite movie, but there were still some gaps in continuity due to old memory. When I noticed, I was humming different songs of things I liked, without worrying about the curious looks due to the songs unknown to others.

That didn’t last long, my mind was moving a million times, without focusing on a single thing. Soon the memories I had been avoiding so much came to mind. I remembered how I would watch children’s movies with my little brother and we would do an improvised karaoke with Disney songs, singing out of tune but never getting the lyrics wrong. I shook my head to push away those thoughts that were making my chest burn. I felt a strange desire to be able to show those memorable movies to Wind. I wondered if he would like them as much as my brother did, if he would sing with me too.

I know, it’s not nice to associate him so much with my little brother. They are different people, he is not a replacement, but I still have this brotherly instinct in me that I can’t help. But the truth is, the Sailor would love to play games and watch movies with my brother. They would be good friends if they could get to know each other.

I looked at the horizon, lost in thought. Maybe I should consider the idea of telling the truth one day. If we reach a high level of trust, it might do me good not to keep it to myself forever.

#link x reader #linked universe x reader #legend of zelda #linked universe fanfic #linked universe #lu x reader

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jynxeddraca · 7 months ago

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There's not a lot of information about the sewers in Baldur's Gate I've noticed.

So I'm going to give my thoughts. Most of this will be headcanon because again - there isn't much about the sewers that I can find.

Based on BG3 - NOTE: Sewers are in Act 3 so there are going to be spoilers. I am also writing this from memory:

Kobolds maintain the sewers, if I'm recalling right they are in a guild and I think in the game were on strike.

There is a sluice gate that is controlled by heat and water pressure (and is the most annoying puzzle in the entire game).

There are slimes, oozes, and mephits living down there.

The Guild has a headquarters in the sewers.

It is suggested that there is access to the Szarr palace from the sewers, even though the player cannot use this entrance.

There is also access to the temple under the Szarr palace from the sewer.

Access to the Undercity+Bhaal's temple is here as well.

There is a portion of the sewer that seems to have lots of plants and may have some sun access.

Somewhere there is access to the Underdark - but is never actually shown in game.

While there are a couple of outhouses in Act 2, toilets are not shown anywhere else that I saw - I am assuming the developers simply didn't go through the process of building them in-game and not that there aren't toilets.

Pipes, pumps, and plumbing exist in-universe. In fact you can talk to people who are trying to get water from one of the fountains and it isn't working.

Other things I've found that aren't in the game - not putting in links because Tumblr hates when I do that:

There is access to what is called the Undercellar in the sewers. It is a network of chambers and cellars housing a sleazy tavern and feasthall spanning under the Upper City and the Wide with multiple access points - one of which is in The Blushing Mermaid, and another in the Duchal Palace.

You can find gray oozes, green slimes, mustard jellies, ochre jellies ghasts, ghouls, phase spiders, a tribe of kobolds led by one called Ratchild, a sentient olive slime named Schlumpsh with devoted sewerfolk followers, sewerfolk I guess, rats, and on occasion gelatinous cubes.

At one point there apparently was an ogre mage who domesticated carrion crawlers to get rid of the bodies of his robbery victims - so I guess carrion crawlers are a possibility too.

There is kind of a purification system in place - it is located in the Seatower district and is a tower complex called Sewer Keep that treats and purify the waste that left the city's sewer system before emptying it out into the River Chionthar.

Headcanons:

Not directly related to the sewers but Jaheira makes an offhand comment in the epilogue about rebuilding even though "the next dragon attack" could take out part of the city - or something along those lines - but it makes me think the city rebuilds parts of the city maybe not regularly, but often enough that people joke about it. So I feel a good portion of the city would have more "modern" (for them) amenities.

Chamber pots were used during times when sewers did not exist as the solution for what to do with waste. Rural areas, small towns, and the Outer City districts lacking a sewer system would still use these - but not major cities like Baldur's Gate.

Meaning I feel most people, especially those in newer or more recently rebuilt parts of the city, will have some kind of actual toilet that empties into the sewer - though they probably have to flush by pouring water down it.

I do think most of the Outer City will not have sewer access except for Blackgate and maybe Rivington. Blackgate because it is used by merchants coming in from Waterdeep and is right up against the Upper City, Rivington because it also is what visitors see first when they enter the city.

Wyrm's Crossing absolutely does not have a sewer and a good chunk of people dump their chamber pots into the Chionthar river below - the city discourages this.

I imagine there's a small population of gelatinous cubes in the main city's sewer, but is kept in check thanks to everything else that is in the sewers.

The city more than likely hires adventurers from time to time to 'clean out' the sewers of monsters. I feel most cities with large sewer systems would do this.

There are other hidden buildings and temples under Baldur's Gate, but because sanitation workers/architects have a will to live most days, if they come across something like that, they leave it be. This is also why they hire kobolds for much of the maintenance and cleaning.

The Guild has a significant amount of control over the sewer - both over those that live in the sewer as well as in the political/architectural control over it.

The sewer sees a significant amount of traffic due to the Guild, secret societies, hidden temples, adventurers, and people who need/want to meet secretly that - unless some kind of peace keeper catches you - no one is going to bat an eye when they see someone entering or exiting the sewer.

The sewer is a bit of a labyrinth, but those that live down there have made up a code system that they can scratch/paint on walls to help navigate.

#bg3 #baldur's gate 3 #D&D #sewers #headcanon #might add more later

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dreamescapeswriting · 6 months ago

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In general, I understand why you wouldn’t want minors reading smut and I agree with putting warnings out there but you just seem OBSESSED with it. Like more than any other blog I’ve ever seen. To the point it’s really off putting.

They’re going to read it regardless. I completely agree with refusing to write certain triggers or things because I’ve definitely seen some disgusting stuff out there, but I just don’t understand why you’re so worried about the age of your readers or requesters. A 13 year old could create a blog and say they’re 30 so unless you require proof of ID you really didn’t prevent anything.

It seems like just more stress on your part. I used to follow you a long time ago but like every two days you’d post about how you were blocking accounts that didn’t provide their age or have anything posted. It’s just got annoying so I unfollowed and recently came across one of your posts again and nothing has changed.

I think you’re super talented and I’ve always wanted to request something from you but it honestly gives me anxiety so I turn to other blogs that don’t make me feel like I’m doing something wrong even though I’m not a minor. I’m not comfortable doing it off of anon and I don’t want my age and info out there either, even if it’s just for you. It feels like getting a background check just to request something.

It’s your blog and you have the complete right to do whatever you want and I don’t have to follow you either. I know all of that. I also know this is going to come off as rude and I really don’t mean it that way. I guess I’m just trying to understand your thought process around it. Maybe it could open my eyes more and I could see it from your perspective and be more understanding about why you push this so much.

Hiya darling,

Thanks for sharing your thoughts and being honest with me, I appreciate you coming to me with this and letting me explain my side on this matter. While I understand that it can be frustrating and off-putting to see reminders about what I have on my account it's needed.

Firstly, my main concern is protecting both myself and my readers when I put those mature posts out on the internet. The internet is a tricky and very weird place, and as a content creator who deals with adult material, I have a responsibility to ensure I'm not inadvertently providing explicit content to minors. This is not only a personal ethical stance but a legal one in many places of the world.

I understand that minors might still find ways to access adult content, not just mine but many others, despite my and many other people's efforts, and I know that it's virtually impossible to prevent it but by setting clear boundaries and rules on my account, I am doing my part to discourage that as much as humanly possible. It's true people lie about their age, but having an age in their bio or not accepting anonymous requests creates a deterrence.

My old (since I have not posted about it since) about blocking blank accounts were always about filtering out any accounts that could be seen as bots, that be porn bots or just random bots that flood Tumblr, and stopping people who solely make accounts just to steal work from hard-working authors such as myself and many others who put content out into the world for free and end up having it stolen from people. Putting those posts out was about maintaining a safe and responsible space for me and others who lurk on my account. It also helps me interact with people who respect these boundaries and understand them and why they're in place in the first place.

In regards to the stress it might seem to cause to many others, I find that being upfront and putting these kinds of things in place reduces my stress when it comes to posting. It allows me to focus more on creating content without constantly worrying about the age of my readers. The transparency on my part (and those who abide by the "rules" - I guess) helps create a more comfortable environment for those who follow and interact with this blog.

I understand that not everyone is comfortable sharing their account when requesting smut, which is why I offer to hide your @ whenever people send me requests. Which this has worked for people in the past and still to this day. I would never judge someone for sending me something, as I've always prided myself on keeping a safe space on my account so if for some reason you don't feel comfortable or it gives you anxiety I deeply apologise.

While not everyone feels okay with adding their age on a bio, it's important to me and many other authors on Tumblr so that I and readers all feel safe sharing content intended for those over age. It's crucial that I feel I'm not contributing to the exposure of explicit content to people underage.

Finding a balance between the concerns I have are a challenge, I and many other authors struggle with it all the time. I realise it's not the perfect solution for everyone but this is the only way I feel comfortable.

Some people may read adult content regardless of barriers that are set in place, and I respect that people make their own choices, my policies are a way to set a standard and communicate that I'm taking my responsibility seriously, making an effort to guide my content to the age-appropriate audience, therefore I'm morally and legally covered.

I'm sorry if this causes you anxiety as that is never my aim in life, but please understand that it also causes me anxiety when I don't know the age of people requesting adult content. Imagine how uncomfortable it would be for a 20+-year-old to find out that her explicit writings were asked for by a minor. This is a situation I - and other authors - want to avoid at all costs, both for ethical and peace of mind reasons. Without these policies in place, I would have to consider stopping writing adult content altogether to ensure I'm not inadvertently harming anyone or breaking any laws. Without these things in place, I would have to consider stopping writing smut altogether to ensure I'm not inadvertently harming anyone.

Thank you for taking the time to reach out. I hope I got my points across without coming across as bitchy as I don't want that to be the case.

Kind regards,

#m answered #anon #skz #stray kids #bts

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221beloved · 1 year ago

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Face the consequences

In fierce determination John made his way through the halls of the Diogenes Club. Sometimes a chaperone or a servant would try to stop him, to kindly tell him to piss off or something like that, but he just raised a hand and stomped past them. By now he had been here often enough to find the way to his destination without any problems. He reached the door, knocked and entered without waiting. “Where is he?” he demanded. “Good afternoon to you too, Dr Watson. What can I do for you?” Mycroft was smiling at him from behind his desk. “Where. Is. He.” John pressed out through gritted teeth. “Please take a seat, John.” Mycroft gestured to the chair in front of his desk. John pulled the chair out and made no attempt to hide his impatience and annoyance. “I assume with 'he', you mean my brother?” Mycroft continued, unbothered, the false and smeary smile not leaving his features. “Yes,” John said. “I've tried to reach him for a week now, texts, calls, I was in his flat, but he's not there. He won't answer me, and no one makes an effort to tell me where he is. They 'don't know.'” He emphasized the last two words. “And you came to me because...” Mycroft asked, his eyebrows lifted expectantly. “Because you now where he is and why he won't answer me. You always know.” Mycroft tilted his head. “Why are you so eager to know, John? As far as I am informed, it is not unlikely for my brother to disappear for some days, or not to answer a text. Not to mention phone calls, I thought you would know that by now.” John was getting more and more annoyed. “Well, I know that. But... I worry about him. I texted him and he didn't answer. And when I went to see him, Mrs Hudson could only tell me that he has been away for a few days. I just want to know he's alright.” At this Mycroft's eyebrows went up. “You want to make sure he's... alright?” he asked, nearly disbelieving. “Yeah,” John said, his patience clearly coming to an end now. “I know, must be quite shocking for a friend to want to know that the other is doing fine. So, tell me.” Mycroft said nothing, just looked at him. “Well, I'm his friend, I have a right to know where he is.” Silence followed. “Why is he not answering?” Still silence, and John huffed in annoyance. Then Mycroft said in a low voice: “He's on a case. For me.” John frowned. “He never took cases from you.” Mycroft leaned back in his chair and crossed his arms in front of his chest. “He does now,” he just stated. “Why?” John asked confused. “You tell me, Doctor Watson,” was his answer. John decided to ignore whatever implication that should be. “And when will he be back?” he asked instead. Mycroft shrugged, but after a glare from John he added: “Maybe he will text you sometime...” “Sometime?” John asked. Mycroft watched him with a thoughtful expression. “Well, you married, Dr Watson. You married someone else. Face the consequences.” John's eyes went wide and his mouth fell open. “Wha-” He couldn't find any words. How could Mycroft say that? As Mycroft watched him, his expression darkened, slowly morphing into disappointment and bitterness. “Now Dr Watson, I'm sure you'll find your way out, as you came to me so confidently.” He stood, walked around his desk and opened the door. “Well?” He looked at John, and John was clever enough to see his chance to go before Mycroft would call security. And he would. John stood and turned to leave the office, still speechless. What the hell? What was Mycroft implying? He was tempted to turn and just ask, but the look he'd already received in the office discouraged him. So he left the building, much slower than on the way in and somewhat intimidated.

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#angstober 2023 #day 28 #bbc sherlock #sherlock #john watson #mycroft #sherlock fic

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radioiaci · 4 months ago

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@helluvaflames ⧐ 📘 Newly Started Romance with Fizzarolli or Angel maybe? MUSE RELATIONSHIP DYNAMICS ASKS.

Since you specified two muses here, here are my thoughts on each. For Fizzarolli - Alastor is approaching such a relationship as a manipulator. He wants to use the imp for his own devices, whether it's to provide further entertainment for the hotel, OR to somehow weasel his way close enough to Mammon to provide an 'in' to possibly take advantage of a Sin's power in some way, shape, or form. (He fucking hates Mammon and would not turn down the opportunity to straight up murder the guy if he gets the chance.) It will take Alastor finding a genuine interest in Fizzarolli for who he is as a person for that to further develop, though with how silly he can be, it's not out of the question. Al x Fizz is a very lovely ship, it just needs some work for Alastor to stop playing the role as a VILLAIN and start being a supporter. And even then, Alastor will absolutely never drop his ambition to usurp a Sin. And he will fight Mammon with his bare hands at every opportunity, whether it's to possess Fizzarolli himself or to save Fizzarolli from his control. For Angel - I am VERY interested in pursuing RadioDust and have been from the start, HOWEVER... The BIGGEST obstacle to this ship that I've come across thus far is that Angel annoys Alastor in SIXTEEN BAD WAYS rather than it being endearingly annoying. The nicknames, the breaking of boundaries, the obvious conflicting personalities. And my issue is that sometimes that can get really discouraging for Angel players. An Angel will have to grow to understand Alastor and how he is - that he is not interested in changing, in being nicer, in 'opening up' right away, in asking for help, in trying to be anything that he is NOT - in order for something to grow between them. And I'm DYING for that to happen but so far it just hasn't. But I also don't want a player to CHANGE the way they play Angel Dust just to slot in with my Alastor. It has to be natural chemistry and sometimes that just doesn't work. But I'm definitely open to exploring it. It will just have a CONSIDERABLE amount of conflict that one will have to patiently pluck their way through for anything significant to happen. And that requires time, long threads, dedication, maybe some significant plotting of major story events or arcs... And that's a lot of work for some people, so I get why that's not something they're interested in. ...I rambled there, my bad LMAO.

#▶ after hours broadcast ▶#⨻ answers ⨻#helluvaflames

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putschki1969 · 2 years ago

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December 25: Wakana Activities & 「Wakana Classics 2022 ～Christmas Special～」

Note: Okay, I know this is long overdue but I have simply not found the time and motivation to write up a detailed report ever since coming back from Japan. The trip itself was quite exhausting due to a busy schedule and being sick for almost the entire duration of my stay T_T. Then I made the huge mistake of going straight back to work on the 27th so I have just felt utterly drained for the past few weeks. It’s a huge shame because I really didn’t want to wait this long to write down my impressions. I mean, it’s hardly a “first impression” anymore if my thoughts have been marinating in my brain for nearly a month. But hey, better late than never, right? If anyone is interested, here’s a link to my December 17 report. I am definitely planning to write reports of some of my other activities but who knows how long that’s gonna take. Please don’t hold your breath. Without further ado, let’s get to it 〈(•ˇ‿ˇ•)-→

Before the Live

In the morning I went to visit Koishikawa Korakuen with a fellow Kalafina fan (Akuma from Taiwan in case some of you know her). I had already spent all of Saturday doing various Wakana activities with her so it only seemed fitting that we would dedicate the morning of the 25th to a lovely Wakana activity as well. Wakana visited this gorgeous landscape garden back in April 2022 (Source:Wakana Instagram). Koishikawa Korakuen (小石川後楽園) is actually one of Tokyo's oldest and best Japanese gardens so I was excited to check it out. While the late winter scenery is probably the least spectacular, I can still recommend going there if you are ever in Tokyo and want an escape from the hectic city life. It was a gorgeous, sunny day so I got to take some lovely pictures and thankfully, some of the autumn colours still remained. After spending a couple of hours there and basking in the winter sun, I got a little antsy so we decided to head to the venue. In the past, most fans would try to arrive as early as possible to line up for the merch sale. However, lots of things have changed since the pandemic so venues actually discourage people from lining up early in advance. Despite knowing that we wouldn’t be allowed to line up yet, I still wanted to know the venue’s exact location and check whether anyone had arrived yet. When we finally got there, no one was there except us and the door staff told us to come back in two hours XD It was super hard to find a café or restaurant near Kioi Hall so we had to walk all the way back to Yotsuya Station. I felt really sorry for Akuma because I dragged her back and forth, she must have been so exhausted. Guess I can’t help but be one of those annoying people who are low-key control freaks and who won’t leave anything to chance. I’d rather be 2 hours early than even 1 second too late. Anyways, at a tiny shopping mall, we found a small café and had some cake and coffee. We went back to the venue once we saw the first few tweets of other fans starting to line up. Most people got there around the same time so it quickly became quite crowded in front of the venue about 45 minutes before the live. I am glad we ended up being pretty far ahead in the line because I don’t think the people in the back had enough time left to buy anything. It took quite a while for staff members to check our tickets and temperature. Everyone was also taking their sweet time deciding on what merch to get so there were literally only a few minutes left till the live once I had bought everything (I got the shirt/pamphlet set with the postcard, the pink gloves, the little drawstring bag and the keyholder). All items are still available in Wakana’s Official Online Shop so be sure to get them.

General Impressions

Venue: This was my first time at Kioi Hall. It’s located in a nice area near Yotsuya Station. Venue, You have to walk around 10 minutes on Sophia Dori which is a lovely thoroughfare. I hear it’s super pretty during cherry blossom season. After Opera City, this was only my second time in a classical hall in Japan. Not as big as Opera City Hall but equally impressive in terms of acoustics and grandeur. But oh boy, they really could have lowered the temperatures, it was boiling hot inside. I don’t know how people managed to sit there with their winter coats fom beginning to end. I was literally melting and I didn’t even wear a warm winter jacket. Kioi Hall is a rather intimate venue with a capacity of about 800 seats. None of the balcony seats were occupied iirc but we managed to fill out pretty much the entire central ground floor. So yeah, definitely not a sold-out concert but very well attended nonetheless (which obviously made me happy because I still recall her Voice tour where they had picked venues that were way too big for Wakana’s fanbase). Outfit: Her dress didn’t impress me all that much to be honest. The bold red looked lovely on her but the basic A-line was a little too plain for my taste. No lace, no embroidery, no frills, no layers, no sparkles... I am also not a big fan of straps when it comes to evening dresses. Wakana has the most beautiful shoulders, it’s a crime to not show them off. In my opinion, she should always wear something that is off-shoulder, preferably a majestic ball gown. The highlight of the dress was definitely the back (as seen on the image above). Whenever she turned around to have a little sip of her water we were blessed with the most gorgeous sight.*drools* Wakana truly has a beautiful back and it’s rare that we get to see so much of it XD. Ticket System: As you may know, I’ve had a few issues with SKIYAKI but at the end of the day I have to admit that it is an extremely convenient service. All steps were foreigner friendly and I didn’t run into any issues with the app. Still, I can’t recommend it with a clear conscience because of what happened with my credit card T_T As you know, I got a Christmas Special Fan Club ticket and I was pretty lucky with my assigned seat. Row 4, smack in the middle with a perfect view at Wakana. Thankfully no tall people in front of me.Fun fact, right in front of me there was a woman who wore one of Wakana’s dresses, the EXACT same one I had brought to Japan with the intention of wearing it at the concert. However, a few days earlier I had found Wakana’s red checkered pants and ended up buying them so of course I couldn’t help but wear them to the live. Still, I found it funny that someone had the same idea. She also wore Kalafina’s pinky ring so she was clearly a super obsessed fan.I am still wondering what her username is on Twitter. I guess she must be following me if she knows about all this fashion stuff. Arghhh, I wish I had approached her after the live but as always, I was way too socially inept... Cameras: I am pretty sure I mentioned it already but there were a lot of cameras all across the hall. Not just the tiny ones which are used for news reports and such. They had a whole-ass camera crew on-site. No idea what they are planning to do. Either we will be getting a broadcast sponsored by BS Fuji or they will use the footage for a home video release. They might also add the footage (or at least parts of it) as bonus content for Wakana’s 3rd album. Let’s keep our fingers crossed. There’s no way they hired all those cameramen and equipment for nothing. Vocals: For the most part, Wakana was in great shape. It’s such a pleasure to hear her in a classical hall accompanied by strings and piano. And honestly, a couple of these acoustic arrangements were out of this world. So freaking good! I feel like her microphone was maybe a bit too loud at times or the instruments were simply too quiet but it didn’t really take away from my enjoyment. Plus, they can always fix that with a bit of studio magic if they really end up releasing the concert. Nevertheless, I’d really like to have more strings in future concerts, just to add a little more oomph. Maybe I am the only one but I feel like I need at least a string quartet XD Setlist: Overall, I was quite happy with the setlist since it contained all three of her new songs and some of my faves but I probably would have made some changes if the choice had been up to me. Can’t lie but I was hoping and praying for��“breathing” as intro. Instead we got “Yakusoku no Yoake” which is always nice, don’t get me wrong, but meh, we already have a performance of it on DVD/BD and let’s be real here, “breathing” is the superior song, at least in my opinion. Am I the only one who is kinda growing tired of “Ai ni Dekiru Koto wa mada aru kai“? I feel like the song doesn’t have a standard ballad structure so it’s quite hard for me to get into it, especially considering its crazy length. Personally, I would have much preferred her to sing “Inochi no Namae” or “Kimi wo Nosete” from her Cover Album. Also had my issues with “Nagareboshi”. I don’t outright dislike this song but it has always been a bit of a snoozer so naturally. I wasn’t overly excited when she announced she would be singing it as her final song. I mean, it kinda works as a wrap-up for the evening but I would have honestly killed to hear an acoustic version of “Ai no Hana”, it’s literally the perfect winter song!! Such a missed opportunity, I feel robbed.T_T Last but not least. let’s talk about her Kalafina song choice. Wakana often manages to pick my least favourite Kala-songs but I realise that I am pretty much alone with that opinion, especially regarding “Kimi no Gin no Niwa” which is obviously a fan-favourite. To her credit, she pulled it off well but ughhh, I cannot stand that song. I am still salivating when I think about her 2018 Symphony Orchestra Concert where she performed “Kimi ga Hikari ni Kaete Iku”. Who do I have to bribe to get something like this on DVD/BD??!!

Song-specific thoughts

M01 約束の夜明け(Yakusoku no Yoake): As mentioned earlier, I was low-key hoping for “breathing” but I really like “Yakusoku no Yoake“ so it’s not like I was disappointed or anything. It might even be one of my favourite tracks from her 1st album. The beginning always blows me away, it’s by far the best part of the song and Wakana knocks it out of the park every single time. However, I think that some sections of the song aren’t particularly flattering to Wakana’s vocals. I know for a fact that she can handle much higher parts but I guess it’s the singing style she keeps using for this song hat makes it sound like she is out of her comfort zone. Oh well, she still does a decent job of powering through those sections. Overall, I quite enjoyed the performance and thought it was a fitting intro.

M02 442: Absolutely blown away by the acoustic arrangement and Wakana’s powerful performance. They better release the video footage soon because I am dying to hear this again. I am telling you, she SLAYED! “442″ is undoubtedly one of her best songs that highlights all of her strengths as a singer so it’s always a joy to listen to it.

M03 オレンジ (Orange): Yet another lovely arrangement. Much better than the studio version if you ask me. I can’t remember any details but I definitely liked it.

M04 夕焼け (Yuuyake): Initially I did not care much for this song but every time I hear it live, I fall more and more in love with it. It’s just so precious.

M05 myself: Oh yes!! Jackpot! This was utterly beautiful. It’s the type of ballad Wakana excels in, when all that tragedy is laid on thick and you are being hit right in the feels. Hearing it in a classical setting makes it even more heart-wrenching.

M06 時には昔の話を（Toki ni ha Mukashi no Hanashi wo): This will never get old. There’s a reason they chose this song to promote Wakana’s cover album and it’s because it’s such a perfect fit for her.

M07 愛にできることはまだあるかい（Ai ni Dekiru Koto wa mada aru kai): I guess I already shared my thoughts about this. I think Wakana really likes the song so I feel kinda bad for not being into it. Maybe it’s because I never watched the film? The lyrics are lovely but the song just doesn’t resonate with me. Or rather, I have to be in the right mood for it to resonate with me. Isolated, I believe it can be quite powerful. Despite its understated nature there is a bit of a build-up after all. But it falls a little flat for me if you place the song right after a bunch of other ballads.

M08 君の銀の庭（Kimi no Gin no Niwa): Well, it was unfortunately the wrong Kalafina-“Kimi~” song for me but hey, what can you do about it? Whatever my thoughts might be about this particular song, I truly appreciate the fact that Wakana still makes a conscious effort to include Kalafina pieces in her setlists because on the one hand, she wants to honour that legacy and on the other hand, she knows that it will make her audience happy. During the MC leading up to the performance she actually explained how picking a Kalafina song is always the most difficult part of putting her setlists together. Overall, it was a solid performance. She did quite well covering the other parts.

M09 Winter Wonderland: I definitely did not think that Wakana would sing this. Maybe it’s because I didn’t grow up with them but I have a bit of an aversion to most Anglo-American Christmas songs (including this one) so when she announced the title of the upcoming song, I felt more than a little disappointed. Especially since I had no idea how it would fit her singing style. However, I am happy to report that I was proven wrong. This far exceeded my expectations and it actually turned out to be a very enjoyable performance. I would say this was only the second song of the night (after “442″) where we got to hear a more fierce and daring approach by Wakana. Still not a fan of the song but damn, Wakana’s version sounds good!

M10 Silent Night: Now we are talking. A Christmas song I actually like. And as expected, Wakana nailed it. I mean, she was literally born to sing songs like this. With everyone always comparing Wakana’s singing to an angel’s voice falling down from the heavens it’s only natural to think that she would do an amazing job with Christmas carols and hymns. A little nitpicking though, I wasn’t fully invested in the arrangement which may or may not have been a bit too pop-ish, I don’t know.

M11 標 (Shirushi): I was really hoping that we would get to hear this brand-new song and I am so glad that my wish came true. Knowing the entire backstory to this and having Wakana share a few bits and pieces again during the concert really made it very hard for me not to cry like a little baby. For those who don’t know yet, this is basically a daughter’s declaration of love to her father (Wakana’s father passed away not too long ago). This song was more or less custom-made for this occasion so it hits a little closer to home than others. While I cannot relate at all to a strong father-daughter relationship, this still hit me right in the feels. I did expect something woeful with heavy strings but it was actually quite understated. Filled with a lot of gratitude and pride. I wish I could say more about it but it’s so hard for me to recall details of a song that I have only listened to once. If I had to compare it, I would probably say it comes closest to “Ato Hitotsu” as far as the overall sound is concerned. It is longer though.

M12 明日を夢見て歌う (Asu wo Yume Mite Utau): I was of course super excited to also finally listen to Wakana’s other new song. This however was a bit of a letdown if I am being honest. It was written by Satoshi Takebe whose collabs with Wakana are always a bit of a hit-and-miss for me. It’s like “Kimi dake no Stage” 2.0. If you enjoy that song you will also like “Asu wo Yume Mite Utau“ I think. The emotion is all there in the lyrics and I can feel what kind of message Wakana is trying to convey to us but meh, the song doesn’t quite hit the mark for me. Fun fact: For the longest time I thought it was “Ashita” in the title but it’s actually “Asu”.

M13 Flag: Another absolutely gorgeous acoustic arrangement that really blew me away. Right up there with “442″ and “Winter Wonderland” in terms of fierceness.

M14 Happy Hello Day: Can’t believe this was the first time hearing the song live at a venue. Experiencing it right there while breathing the same air is so much different than just watching it on a live stream. As much as I appreciate the influx of online broadcasts, nothing beats the euphoria of actually being there at the venue and enjoying a song that makes you feel so incredibly connected with your favourite artist. I truly had a blast during this performance.

EC01 記憶の人 (Kioku no Hito): What a pleasant surprise. I am very much in love with this song and it’s definitely among my favourite Wakana solo songs so I can never get enough of it. Beautiful performance.

EC02 magic moment: A bit on the fence about it. We all know that I am not the biggest fan of the song’s structure, it starts really melodious with its symphonic grandeur but then it somehow become quite messy to my ears. I can’t explain it very well but there is just a lack of flow. However, that doesn’t mean that I cannot appreciate Wakana’s vocal prowess in it. Just thinking back to her performance during the ��magic moment” live tour gives me goosebumps (although I obviously only ever experienced it on blu-ray). I would say that performance still remains her best one yet. This one wasn’t quite as epic but maybe that’s just because of the added studio magic in the blu-ray.

Fan Club Exclusive Part

Very happy to see that almost everyone had bought a special Christmas ticket. At the end of the main part of the concert, audience members were asked to leave the hall if they didn’t have a fan club ticket and only a handful of people actually left. Still surprised that they just trusted us to be honest about this. Typical Japanese mindset I guess. I mean, people could have just remained at their seats, no one would have checked their tickets again. However, I think they had most people with regular tickets seated in the back area so it was easier for staff members to figure out who was required to leave. At this point none of us knew what to expect but I had a feeling we would get a special encore. When Wakana and her musicians returned to the stage in their cute Christmas getup I was pleasantly surprised to realise that we would be getting a little talk corner. Mind you, it wasn’t anything super special, just some random small talk among them, they all basically just shared some Christmas anecdotes but hey, it was fun. I vaguely remember Wakana talking about trying to find the perfect colour for a new winter coat but she ended up with a boring grey one XD I had almost given up hope that they would perform another song when their talk just kept going on and on. It was already way past the scheduled time for the live to end so I thought we would run out of time. But then Wakana surprised us all by announcing that they still had a short performance in store for us. Until the very last moment I had hoped that I would get to hear “Ai no Hana” but alas, it wasn’t meant to be. As mentioned earlier, I wasn’t too thrilled about “Nagareboshi” but it was a fitting send-off. I believe everyone thought that this would be it but when we left the hall, we were all given a paper bag containing even more awesome goodies. Our Christmas present from Wakana was made up of a postcard with a handwritten message and signature as well as a pretty glass fitting perfectly into her series of previously released glasses. *weeee* All of this was definitely worth the extra money. If you ever wonder if it’s worth going for pricier tickets, here’s your answer: It absolutely is! You typically get a lot of bang for your buck so always go for the expensive option if you have the means. And I am actually so glad that the Christmas present didn’t turn out to be a fugly t-shirt, I am just not a t-shirt person.

After the Live

One of my Twitter followers had arranged a dinner/after-party with a bunch of fellow Kala-fans. While I am most definitely not very fond of large gatherings like this, it wasn’t too bad. We had some tables reserved at a Chinese restaurant nearby. In celebration of Wakana’s live, we wanted to eat a ton of gyoza and xiao long bao. It was delicious! Sadly I didn’t get to eat all that much because I left quite early (I mean, it felt late to me but who knows how long the others stayed). I was flying back to Vienna the following day so I wanted to get at least a few decent hours of sleep.

#kalafina #wakana #report #Wakana Classics 2022 ～Christmas Special～#wakana christmas special #long text post #I just cannot shut up #this took me a whole month #hope I didn't bore anyone to death

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danbowz · 7 months ago

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list of things my mother has done (TW FOR BODY SHAMING, MANIPULATION, MILD ABUSE? HOMOPHOBIA)

block all friends i had w no explanation,claimed she gave me reasons despite not doing so

directly stating that she "didnt think kids have the right to privacy"

directly confirming she thought friends were worthless and encouraging my asocial self to isolate me

discouraging the fact that i found/were finding friends and friend circles

violent affection (pinching too hard "affectionately", kicking me when i lay down (usually pushing my ass. not joking my ass is her target 💔)

threw a hairstraigtener to the floor after seeing doodles in my art book and stated "i loved seeing her in pain"

has never let me cook on my own, bathe on my own nor do any basic life skills on my own, or putting on my pads. i am a fourteen year old

directly states that she doesnt trust me

body shamed me (including for my TW: g*nitalia) by saying i was a "bag of skin and bones/flesh and bone bag" and when i began eating healthily commented on my ass getting bigger or my legs or just me gaining a healthier amount of weight

forbid me from researching or mentioning autism

forbid me from researching my illnesses

randomly yells and is loud and fucking annoying

h*tler defender who yells "NEIN" on random occasions including in public. argued with me that "altough he had unethical methods his motives were good"

gaslit me multiple times

racist

told me i "hated her" and despite the fact i sobbed and cried and vomited from how badly i kept trying to convince her i loved her and completely brushed it off

claims she is normal

claims she is a shit parent and should die

frequently talked to me and obsessed over the idea of her dying when i was a 6 y.o

as a child when i misbehaved she told me to "go to daddy and tell him to get me a new mommy"

threataned me with sending me to (my at that time) alcoholic father

unconsent,ngly picks at random scars, scabs, pimples etc i have when she looks at me or gets near me

homo and transphobe

has told me and my sister about "how every lgtbqia person should die a violent death like the terrorists they are"

#she is not okay #somethings wrong #tw abuse #idk if it is abuse #but like #yea #text post #vent post #emotional abuse #tw

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literatureloverx · 4 months ago

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Hello! Inspired from that recent ask somebody said about fyodor "making exceptions" if his S/O was completely opposite to him, I wanted to ask, what does fyodor think about women.. who don't act quite feminine?

You know, those women who are brave and bold, swear and cuss, mentally and physically strong, talk and laugh loudly, have a lot of male friends, go completely crazy while having fun.. I wonder what fyodor thinks about women like them..

I know you said something like he probably wouldn't care or would be annoyed/distant but I wanted to know your specific thoughts about fyodor's take on women like this..

Would he ever date a woman like them?

Oh my, oh my… my dear, I am genuinely trying to stay as objective and realistic as possible in my interpretation of Fyodor’s character. ❤️ But I will try to write the things down that come into my mind.

The problem is... I don’t see it happening from a purely logical perspective.

I've explained thoroughly why I don’t see such a darling fitting for Fyodor, but I don’t want to dwell on the negatives because I don’t want to demoralize anyone. =>HERE

Regarding your request: we have to consider that Fyodor is very, very old. He probably has a very old-fashioned view on relationships and expectations of women.

I don’t see his thoughts on such women as romantic, but rather friendly and neutral. Not negative, because, as I mentioned before, I believe he cherishes genuineness.

I don’t think he’d be against it; he just wouldn’t care much because such a darling wouldn’t possess the key aspects to becoming the object of his desire.

However, on a natural scale, I believe he would enjoy this person’s company sometimes. He would definitely admire a brave woman.

Regarding boldness: boldness about their feelings and emotions? He would find that adorable. I don’t see him caring about the physical strength of a woman at this point.

Now, having male friends is another aspect he wouldn’t appreciate. Don’t get me wrong; he is absolutely confident in himself and his abilities to pull your strings if you dared to try anything funny (but then again, he wouldn’t be with you in the first place).

There we are: this is why the ideal type seems so important to me. He wouldn’t like you spending time with other men just because you’re his. When I say he is possessive, I mean it. He is possessive in a very natural and old-fashioned way.

Now, I still think this type of darling is fitting for many characters, just not Fyodor.

I believe that Nikolai would appreciate such a darling very much, as well as Dazai. Even Chuuya, perhaps? There are many possibilities, and there are many characters who tend to be neutral about the personality of their darling and go with the flow.

The problem is that Fyodor isn’t one of them.

The main reasons are his seemingly never-ending lifetime, his idealistic views on beauty, philosophy, and art, and his dominant personality.

In conclusion, I don’t see him ever dating such a woman, at least in my interpretation of his character. ❤️

However, this shouldn’t discourage anyone from writing about Fyodor with such a darling in the slightest! It is only my interpretation, and Asagiri never clarified Fyodor’s ideal type in detail.

#bsd fyodor #bungou stray dogs fyodor #fyodor dostoevsky #fyodor dostoyevsky bsd #fyodor x reader #bungo stray dogs x reader #bungou stray dogs #fyodor x you #yandere bsd #bsd

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rosemothx · 6 months ago

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|| A Monarch is too small for blood || Rosemoth.x

Note from creator: I’ve never created a fanfic on tumblr, so I may not understand how to use this as well as I did on Ao3!

Chapter 1: Afterlove

Dim yellow candles lit up the dark hallway, revealing

the lace-like pattern written on the dark wall paint.

This castle is as old as the underworld itself.

Thousands of years pass and it remains standing like

a sick bird on a perch. The hallway was long and

Ominous. The aura of everything in the castle

dripping with death. Any mortal human to step within

would be sure to die of fright… I believe those poor

souls need to reside in a lighter area.

-“Lia!” A deep voice called from outside of my door. I scrambled quickly out of my bed to make it seem as if I hadn’t slept in again. Father hates when we do that, and we typically wake up at the setting of the sun. -“Lia, dear. May I come in?” He said with a knock on the door. I quickly throw on my dark red robe and put up my hair.

-“Yes, father you may come in now!” I approach the door, opening it for father. Father was so tall he had to bend down to get through the doorway. I was rather small for my family members. Despite our appearance my father is rather nice to everyone, and dislikes conflict. My mother on the other hand is a lot more rude and ordering of me and my sister and brother. I decided years ago I wouldn’t let her actions annoy me. But what REALLY annoyed me was my older sister, always trying to ruin my plans for fun…

-“I hope you are getting ready to meet Paris, Lia.” He said as if it was a threat. Without hesitation I replied.

-“Ah, of course I am! I’m busy doing my hair!” I stuttered, adjusting my up-did hair. “-I-It’s just I cannot seem to find my hair brush anywhere. I must have left it somewhere..” I looked around, nervous. I didn’t want to meet this man at all, in fact, I didn’t want to meet any man at all.

-“Well, my dear I hope you find that. Your dress is in the next room over, Lia.” My father said, dipping his head before escorting himself out of my room. I swiftly followed behind him to the next door, wanting to see the dress. I adjust my robe, turning the knob to the worn out door to the left of my room. Upon opening it, my eyes met a beautiful, large, and sparkling dark beige dress. It felt like seeing a human, being able to lay my eyes upon such a beautiful object. But it made me uneasy, why do I have to present myself to a man? I disliked the feeling of having to offer myself to another prince.

-“Ahem… uh, father?” I called his named, backing up out of the door.

-“Yes, Lia?” Father replied back. Turning around and walking slowly back down towards me through the hallway.

-“I’m not sure if I want to meet Paris..” I looked down. Discouraged by being in-front of father’s 8 foot frame. His appearance was scary enough, with black hair, narrow red eyes, pale skin, sharp looks and jawline.. everything a human describes as a vampire. I hesitated to look back at him, looking up; I continued to speak. “I don’t think I want to get married, especially to him. I just wanted to say something before it’s too late.” My bravery slowly faded as I saw him stare down at me. An absolute state of shame for me and my thoughts. I remained quiet.

-“You’ll learn to appreciate what you receive, Lia.” As soon as he finished that sentence he turned around, walking down the hallway to leave. Leaving me with my owns thoughts in the corner of the hallway..

#vampire aesthetic #vampire oc #fanfic #romance #ballerina #fantasy #dark aesthetic #scary

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oncetherenowhere · 7 months ago

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We have new insurance info now, so I'm going to start the process of looking for a therapist again. The past few therapists were either not helpful, or actively set me back...especially the last one. H has a fantastic therapist that he's been seeing for a couple years now, and I'm hoping I can find someone with that sort of connection. There's a lot I want to work on...I want to work on my avoidance behaviors, my ruminating thoughts, my self-advocacy skills...I want to develop a personality that's my own, not something created for Everyone Else.

Fair warning- this post talks about bad experiences I've had in therapy. My intention is not to discourage anyone from therapy. They are a few of my experiences that I have been struggling to process.

This is a big vent about a lot of random stuff, I'm just emotional this morning. I'll make some more cheerful posts later, because it's good to balance things out, and there are some good things I've been trying to do recently, too.

It's a bit frustrating. I don't know why I've been so unlucky with therapists. I've been trying for three years to find someone who can help me. One therapist I had refused to make anything but small talk for the entire hour...whenever I tried to talk about things bothering me, she would turn the conversation back around to "So what are you doing this weekend?" and wouldn't address it. It was absolutely bizarre.

Another therapist specialized in mental health for autistic people, so I thought I had lucked out, but when my cousin died in a horribly tragic and sudden way, she didn't want to help me. She stared at me while I cried, but she didn't say anything at all. She seemed annoyed, but I couldn't tell, because, again, she wouldn't say anything. I was in so much pain, and felt so alone. It still crushes me.

My last therapist...thinking about her makes me panic. I was able to tell her straight up what I was looking for, what boundaries I had, and she was so sweet and accepting at first. Then she started forgetting everything about me, session by session. Not small stuff either, I'm talking huge things, the reasons I was there in the first place. Her sweetness turned into frustration when she couldn't understand why I was upset.

When I talked about teachers who had been cruel to me, she was on the teachers side, since she used to be one, and tried to tell me I had misunderstood them. When I insisted this wasn't a matter of perception, she got short with me, and moved on.

She wasn't good with queer issues, couldn't use they/them pronouns, and when I told her a story about being bullied for dating another girl in high school and how I was a closeted back then, she turned the conversation into how I was a liar for not being honest about my sexuality.

Our last session, she exploded at me about how the world wasn't a good place, and how everyone sucked, and nobody was kind- looking back, I think it was some form of angry sarcasm where she was trying to "repeat" what she believed I was saying. It terrified me though.

But, I was able to say, "I would like to end the session early."

When I did, her attitude changed. She suddenly started asking if I was safe, or if I would hurt myself. That terrified me more. I'd never even SPOKEN to her about self harm or suicidal ideation. I had to convince her I wasn't in danger. Then...

She started asking if I was mad at her. For five minutes, I had to reassure her that I wasn't mad. I did it because I felt I had to. I was scared that if I just up and left, she would call the police and claim I was a danger to myself and lie. So I had to sit there and reassure her until it was okay for me to leave with her permission.

It was so scary. Even thinking about it, I'm shaking. I'm so angry at her for putting me through that. She called me on my cell phone later to apologize...but then made me reassure her AGAIN. I ended up sending her a text that stated "I am not a danger to myself, I am safe and secure, I am canceling our future sessions."

I need a good therapist. I know they exist. I even had one, once, but she moved to a practice that would have cost me 200 dollars a session.

It just feels SO BAD to do all the steps society says to take to care for your mental health and better yourself, only to get shut down at every turn.

I need help! This mental pain is too much on my own! I am suffering! I just want one professional to believe me and help me. I don't want to be like this. I can't live like this! I have been touching it out myself for so long, and I just want help. I'm so desperate. I feel like I can't exist in society without someone either pointing and laughing, or getting angry with me. Do you know what that's like? To be treated badly every day by strangers? Even if the incidents are small, they're constant.

I do all the things. I journal, I meditate, I try to exercise, I do gratefulness exercises, I treat myself like a pet, but nothing is fixing the problem. Everything is a band-aid solution to get me through another difficult day. It helps, because if I don't do it, I break down, but I'm so tired of doing this alone. I'm trying to hard. I just need one professional to believe me.

I wish I had a better head. I wish I didn't have these mental health problems. I know this isn't good to say, but I wish I wasn't autistic either sometimes. I'm in so much pain. I just want to have a normal life. I want to get brunch with friends, and have dinner parties, and go to fun events...I want to do everything without getting stressed and panicked and EXHAUSTED.

H and I saw a movie last night, and I almost broke down in front of the soda fountain because they were out of the lids for the size of drink we got, and the people behind us got jokingly annoyed, but I was so panicked that I couldn't process the joke aspect until after, so I almost cried. Crying over lids! I can't do this! I want to work on this! I don't want to be like this. It hurts. I want to be charming, and joke back, and laugh, because it was so low stakes, it didn't matter, but my body processes everything as a threat.

I'm crying as I'm writing this. I just want help. I don't know how to not be like this. I feel like I'm in survival mode constantly and I'm tired. This blog is the only place where I can talk about these things in a candid, personal way, where I don't have to worry about being judged or seen as less than. I can talk to H, but I can't...I just CAN'T put ALL of this on him. He already helps me so much, and he has his own problems, and I love him so much. I can't do that to him. So I have this blog.

But I want a therapist. I want friends. I feel like I'm less than a human being every single day, and nobody seems to believe me when I try to say I'm struggling.

But I'm thankful I can write here. Even if nobody ever read this, it's so helpful to write here. Traditional journaling hasn't clicked the same way for whatever reason. Sometimes I even write big long posts and just stick them in my drafts. It feels good. It feels good to say all of this. I'm thankful I live in the age of the internet.

#journal #tw suicide mention #I'm fine don't worry the topic is just mentioned #long post #vent

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