#and am so annoyed and discouraged by the thought of trying to find a SO that would be okay with barely any intimacy | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

m4iya · 3 months ago

Text

Short fuse

Matsukawa Issei, Tendo Satori and Hoshiumi Korai with an mc who’s lost their temper.

Anon

✮ - Matsukawa Issei

“Hey, you okay?” Matsukawa placed a hand on your shoulder only for it to immediately be shrugged off.

“I’m fine.”

He knew how stressed you’d been over exams and studies lately, and after the ‘assessment graded’ notification popped up on your phone as you were showing him something in a cafe earlier, he hadn’t even thought of asking after seeing your reaction to it. If anything, it didn’t seem as though he paid much attention to your workload anyways, rarely asking questions about what you’re doing. He’d instead ask you to tag along with him so much, to the point where you weren’t able to find time to study properly.

You knew he wasn’t trying to be annoying or rude, but still..

You removed your seatbelt as he entered the driveway before he was able to shift the gear to ‘Park’, preparing to immediately leave.

As he parked, you prepared to grab the handle and leave the car, when a hand suddenly reached out to yours, grasping it.

“Wait, please.” Remorse glazed his tone as he spoke.

You decided to give in for the time being, placing your belongings back in your lap as he shifted the car into ‘park’ before removing the keys from the ignition. You heard him shift in his seat, facing you as your head faced the window, arms crossed.

“Come on, it can’t be that interesting to look outside.” He snickered, attempting to break the ice.

Giving in, you turned albeit hesitant; you still refused to meet his eyes, facing the windshield instead.

He sighed, falling silent for a few moments.

“I saw it you know. The grade.” He said matter of factly. “I just didn’t think you’d want me to mention it. I thought it’d make you angry.”

Sometimes you wondered if he was dense, or just really dumb.

“And that’s why you waited the whole day to ask me about it?” You muttered, still refusing to meet his eyes.

He clicked his tongue, voice elevating in defence. “Look, I..” After a sigh, he resumed speaking, his tone much calmer than before.

“I’ve probably been a pain lately, so I know you’re probably really tired of it.” He reached out, placing his hand on your thigh, fingers twiddling with the fabric of your dress.

“..But I’m only trying to see a smile on your face. I had no idea you were so stressed.”

You turned your head back to the window, hiding your face as warmth crept up on your cheeks.

“…Then ask next time.” You said, the strain in your voice dropping.

“Will do.”

✮ - Tendo Satori

“You’re pretty harsh on them sometimes, Tendo.” You commented as he explained what he and his team did during practice today while the two of you walked home.

“Nope, they’re just lazy.” He shrugged, “I’m not gonna sweet talk them into practicing.” He stifled a giggle.

Raising an eyebrow, you began to feel irritated by his way of dealing with younger team members who weren’t as experienced or skilled as the regulars.

“You can’t expect them to know how to play like professionals instantly. It takes time.”

“Well I’m not their coach, am I?”

You had been friends with him for a while, having met eachother due to a seating arrangement in class. But after speaking to him for all this time, you began to notice his uncooperative attitude when it came to helping others on his team, especially when they weren’t as experienced as him.

You had been meaning to say something for a while, growing increasingly irritated each time he spoke ill of his inexperienced teammates.

“I don’t know how others can even stand to be on the same team with someone like you.” You spoke the words bluntly as the two of you stood at a stoplight. “You’re so discouraging. You’ve had help in the past, haven’t you?” Clenching the handle of your backpack tightly, your body tensed up in anticipation of his response.

“Uh, yeah from my coaches?” He replied, feigning offence. His tone hadn’t changed; still joking around and not being serious.

The stoplight clicked in the background, the remaining cars passing through. You weren’t about to deal with his attitude; he was already frustrating you enough as it was. His typical upbeat attitude wasn’t translating well into this situation, annoying you even more.

If that’s how he was going to be, then hanging out with him wasn’t something you’d continue doing.

After the remaining cars had passed through, the pedestrian light lit up. “Maybe you’ve chosen not to help them.” You took a few steps forward onto the crossing. “But you don’t have to be so insufferable about it.”

You didn’t look behind you, nor did you wonder whether he heard you or not. His steps didn’t follow, and your phone remained silent for the rest of the night.

Waking up the next day, it did cross your mind that perhaps you were a little.. harsh. And maybe it was pretty anticlimactic for you to be scolding him for essentially not being kind when you weren’t too kind to him either.

But how could you approach him about it after you absolutely thrashed him just the day before? The same thought rang throughout your head as you got ready for school, thinking about how awkward it was going to be sitting next to him. After all, it was the first real argument you’d had with him since becoming friends all those months ago.

Though, it looked like he’d also done some thinking himself. Opening the front door to leave, you found him leaning against the gate enclosing the front of your house. The closing of the door seemed to catch his attention as you heard his voice call out to you.

“Good morning!” You noticed that apart from his school bag, he was holding something else.

Walking up to the gate, you ran a few practice greetings in your head; ones that would lead up to an acknowledgment of your attitude towards him from the day before. Though before you could say anything, as soon as you closed the gate and began walking, he handed you a gift bag.

“These are for you.” He smiled. “I made them.”

Glancing inside, you made out what looked like a small box of sweets. You had no idea he was into baking. Slinging his bag over his shoulder, he dramatically sighed. “And yeah, I guess i’ll try to help that bunch.”

So many things ran through your head as you thought of something to say. Do you just come outright and say it, or do you ask about the gift first? Or maybe you take the ‘Oh, you didn’t have to do this..!’ approach in terms of the gift?

“You gonna say something?” He quipped.

Though, it seemed that in that moment, you forgot how he was as a person, not being the type to sweat the details.

“Sorry about yesterday Tendo.. I didn’t mean to-”

“No worries!” He immediately snapped, a laugh treading along with his words.

A small smile tugged at the corners of your lips as he spoke. With as much as you knew at this point, there was still tons that you didn’t know about him.

✮ - Hoshiumi Korai

“So tomorrow? At 5?” His voice rang throughout your room as you lay on your bed with your phone on speaker.

“Yeah.”

“Alright, but I cant go for too long. I have to wake up early for practice.”

Recently, he’d been really busy, unable to find time to even walk home with you from school as you used to. So it had become a habit for you both to keep up with each other through a phone call before heading to bed.

You knew he was busy with club and all, but was it really that hard for him to make time for you?

Saying goodbye, you slumped your head onto the pillow, wondering what you’d wear as you drifted asleep.

You awoke to your alarm with a headache, already putting you in a less than happy mood. Throughout the day, you lounged around the house and completed chores as you waited for the clock to hit 4:00pm - the time you’d get ready.

It really had been so long since you’d spoken to him in person other than saying ‘good morning’ and ‘see you later’ in class. Slipping into a dress, you recalled how he’d always look out for you, glaring at anyone who’d look at you with bad intentions. When on the sidewalk, he’d make sure to swap sides with you, putting himself closer to the road. He’d also never let you pay when you both ate out.

Sure, he hadn’t been there much recently, but that doesn’t mean he’d never been there.

As you applied a light blush onto your cheeks, your phone sounded with a notification. The time was 4:50, so you expected the notification to be a message from him letting you know he was waiting outside for you. Instead of checking your phone immediately, you peeked outside your window, looking around for where he’d be standing, but he wasn’t there. Confused, you checked the notification on your phone.

“Sorry, I can’t make it today. Something came up.”

Was he serious? A text? and not even a call? And why did he wait until now to tell you? Multiple questions ran through your head as you entered your phone password, immediately calling him.

“Hello-”

“Seriously Hoshiumi? Are you kidding me?” You interrupted. You had waited so long, never mentioning anything to him because you knew how busy he was. But this time was different.

“Hey hey wait, let me tell you what-!”

“No! You do this every time! You’re so busy that you can’t even see me for an hour? So busy that you had to cancel ten minutes before we were supposed to meet up?!”

The other end of the line fell silent. It was out of character him to not respond when the two of you had a falling out. He was as much as a hothead as you were, so this silence wasn’t like him.

“Whatever. Don’t even bother rescheduling it. Bye.”

Lifting the phone off your ear, you could hear his voice as he attempted to retain your attention. But it was too late, seeing as you’d ended the call and thrown your phone onto your bed. You felt so stupid, dressed up and wearing makeup for nothing. You headed into the living room and dropped onto the couch with a sigh. Still dressed and now lying down, your body shook with every sob, lulling you asleep.

Hours later, you awoke to firm knocking on the door. Your family had been out for a few hours visiting some relatives so you figured they had returned. As you walked to the door, you caught a glimpse of the time on the microwave; 11:37pm. That whole ordeal had really knocked you out.

Twisting the doorknob, the person on the other side wasn’t your Dad, nor your Mom, but was instead Hoshiumi. He was dressed lightly, panting, his skin glistening with sweat. Your eyes widened for a moment, not having seen him this closely for a long time. Just as you were about to say something, the events that unfolded hours ago replayed through your head, prompting you to attempt to slide the door back closed.

Though before you were able to, he placed his foot in the doorway.

“Wait.” His voice was steady; serious. He grabbed the door, opening it wide.

You weren’t able to meet his gaze. Part of you was still mad, but the other part knew there was definitely another way you could’ve dealt with it.

He began to explain what happened, why he couldn’t call to tell you, and why he was dressed so lightly. He’d left home immediately once he had finished what had came up, running to your house instead of taking public transport. Your home wasn’t too far from his, but it’d take almost twenty minutes in walking distance.

You remained silent the entire time, eyes welling up with tears as you came to terms with your attitude towards this entire situation.

He tilted his head, squinting his eyes at you. “Are you crying?”

You turned your face in response, attempting to hide the tears which were already streaming down your cheeks. He clicked his tongue, sighing as he wrapped his arms tightly around you.

“Don’t cry anymore. I’m here now, aren’t I?” His tone was gentler than before, something you didn’t expect. One hand held the back of your head as the other wrapped tightly around your back.

You nodded, locking your arms around him in an embrace.

other works

52 notes · View notes

literatureloverx · 10 months ago

Note

Hello! Inspired from that recent ask somebody said about fyodor "making exceptions" if his S/O was completely opposite to him, I wanted to ask, what does fyodor think about women.. who don't act quite feminine?

You know, those women who are brave and bold, swear and cuss, mentally and physically strong, talk and laugh loudly, have a lot of male friends, go completely crazy while having fun.. I wonder what fyodor thinks about women like them..

I know you said something like he probably wouldn't care or would be annoyed/distant but I wanted to know your specific thoughts about fyodor's take on women like this..

Would he ever date a woman like them?

Oh my, oh my… my dear, I am genuinely trying to stay as objective and realistic as possible in my interpretation of Fyodor’s character. ❤️ But I will try to write the things down that come into my mind.

The problem is... I don’t see it happening from a purely logical perspective.

I've explained thoroughly why I don’t see such a darling fitting for Fyodor, but I don’t want to dwell on the negatives because I don’t want to demoralize anyone. =>HERE

Regarding your request: we have to consider that Fyodor is very, very old. He probably has a very old-fashioned view on relationships and expectations of women.

I don’t see his thoughts on such women as romantic, but rather friendly and neutral. Not negative, because, as I mentioned before, I believe he cherishes genuineness.

I don’t think he’d be against it; he just wouldn’t care much because such a darling wouldn’t possess the key aspects to becoming the object of his desire.

However, on a natural scale, I believe he would enjoy this person’s company sometimes. He would definitely admire a brave woman.

Regarding boldness: boldness about their feelings and emotions? He would find that adorable. I don’t see him caring about the physical strength of a woman at this point.

Now, having male friends is another aspect he wouldn’t appreciate. Don’t get me wrong; he is absolutely confident in himself and his abilities to pull your strings if you dared to try anything funny (but then again, he wouldn’t be with you in the first place).

There we are: this is why the ideal type seems so important to me. He wouldn’t like you spending time with other men just because you’re his. When I say he is possessive, I mean it. He is possessive in a very natural and old-fashioned way.

Now, I still think this type of darling is fitting for many characters, just not Fyodor.

I believe that Nikolai would appreciate such a darling very much, as well as Dazai. Even Chuuya, perhaps? There are many possibilities, and there are many characters who tend to be neutral about the personality of their darling and go with the flow.

The problem is that Fyodor isn’t one of them.

The main reasons are his seemingly never-ending lifetime, his idealistic views on beauty, philosophy, and art, and his dominant personality.

In conclusion, I don’t see him ever dating such a woman, at least in my interpretation of his character. ❤️

However, this shouldn’t discourage anyone from writing about Fyodor with such a darling in the slightest! It is only my interpretation, and Asagiri never clarified Fyodor’s ideal type in detail.

#bsd fyodor #bungou stray dogs fyodor #fyodor dostoevsky #fyodor dostoyevsky bsd #fyodor x reader #bungo stray dogs x reader #bungou stray dogs #fyodor x you #yandere bsd #bsd

57 notes · View notes

bluegekk0 · 10 months ago

Text

I've been in such an emotional slump lately. I fear that I upset my friends without realizing and now every interaction I feel like they're mad at me. It's like every time we chat I get the impression that they're annoyed with me, I keep thinking they're being sarcastic and trying to tell me to shut up in subtle ways, but I'm scared of asking cause what if I'm overreacting like I usually do? I just hate it so much. I feel like I'm such an exhausting person to be around and a little voice in the back of my mind keeps telling me it would be better for everyone if I distanced myself.

And I'm also fighting really hard against the idea that people in general are getting bored of me. I know engagement is not everything, I know that drawing for myself should be a priority. It makes me happy, and I draw what I love BECAUSE I love it. But it's so hard for me to not hope for validation and feedback when I've been compared to others all childhood. And it stings so much when a drawing I'm super happy with maybe doesn't perform as well as I hoped (at least compares to the number of people who follow me). I don't know if it's not reaching people here or if it's just getting too repetitive for people to care anymore. Or perhaps people see my self-reblogs as desperate and get discourages from interacting for that reason? Maybe they're right for that.

I've also been looking into and educating myself on the experiences of autistic individuals since I suspect I'm on the spectrum, and I do relate to many of them, plus every test I take indicates that I might be autistic. So in theory, self diagnosing would help, right? I could stop worrying that I'm broken somehow or a failure of an adult, and just accept that my brain simply works differently and maybe even be more kind to myself. That sounds good. But then the doubts keep creeping in. I don't remember if I showed any signs in my childhood, I barely remember anything from it. So what if I'm wrong, what if there were none, and I'm just overanalyzing symptoms or even faking them? How can I consider myself part of the community if there is a chance I shouldn't be there at all? What if I'm just lazy, what if I'm an introverted, anxious loser who put themselves in this situation by being incompetent at everything, now trying to find excuses?

I don't know. There's so many exhausting thoughts that have been dragging my mood down for the past few days. And I guess I'm just waiting for it to pass since I'm so scared of actually going out there and getting help.

Well, there goes another oversharing session. I usually feel bad talking about this with my friends cause I don't want to put them under the obligation to respond. And with how terrible I am at responding to their struggles (not that I don't care, I'm just so, so bad at responding to emotions and putting my thoughts into words that don't make me sound robotic) it often feels too one sided. So I guess this is a way for me to scream into the void and give people a choice if they want to ignore it or respond. I could just write it down in a diary or something, but part of me is hoping that maybe this experience resonates with someone and I'd feel less alone. Or maybe I'm simply just desperate for advice or validation that would feed my ego.

49 notes · View notes

misspelledwordswizard · 7 months ago

Text

Chapter 12 - I would love to know how people entertained themselves before technology.

Previous chapter / Next chapter

We had been walking for almost an hour, we woke up well after sunrise and were blessed with the opportunity to have a hearty breakfast. It was clear that the Old man was apprehensive, since the attack the night before, he had spared no effort in fulfilling his order not to keep me alone, no matter which way I went, there would always be two heroes on my neck. It is annoying, but I understand that it is necessary, it is better this way.

Due to the previous events there was also an evident concern about a question that had been raised previously: What does the Shadow want with me? I cannot think of plausible reasons that do not lead me to paranoia that it is possible that it is aware of my secret, and if that is true, then I am in serious trouble.

I hate lying to them, the heroes who are trying so hard to help me, but I am not as brave as they are, I do not feel ready for them to know the truth, I am afraid of losing them. But if anyone, especially him, finds out about this, they can use it as blackmail against me. That shadow, if he tries to attack me again, no, when he tries to attack me again I will try to get information out of him. I will need to learn the gift of getting information out of him through idle chatter.

The sun was not so strong today, which is actually a relief for my burnt skin begging for mercy. Unfortunately, what was different from the previous day was also the lack of fun in the group, everyone was worried and distressed, so much so that not even a good night’s sleep and being well fed could lift their spirits. Maybe last night everyone was trying to maintain the good vibes so as not to cause me more stress, but today no one had that much energy.

Luckily for me, Wind was not the type to push you out of bed, we had a peaceful night without disturbances. Four, on the other hand, had been complaining since he woke up about how Wild was kicking, pushing and stealing the blanket. I think the idea of sharing beds in the stables was completely annihilated after that.

— You seem worried. – Wars spoke next to me, loud enough for only me to hear, his tone was not very cheerful, bordering on concern.

— I can’t stop thinking about possible reasons that brought me here. – I was sincere in my answer, he didn’t need to know the details, but it was okay to tell him.

— It sounds crazy, doesn’t it? But don’t worry, we’ll get your life back to normal, even if it takes a while.

I smiled, thanking him for trying to comfort me, but deep down I know that neither of us is sure of what might happen. No matter what I did, the bad feeling of discomfort wouldn’t go away, it was like a bad premonition that followed me and whispered in my ear that I shouldn’t be there.

This whole walk seemed pointless to me, even though I knew the final goal, after all, I probably wouldn’t even be able to enter the forest, and even if I did, I wouldn’t see anything. But the part that discouraged me the most was knowing that we have to keep walking down this road, with nothing intriguing along the way, na absolute bore. Maybe my quiet life reading books wasn’t as boring as I thought.

According to Wild, it was about a day and a half’s walk from the stable we left to the next one, Woodland Stable, so we would end up camping halfway, near the bridge. I observed the surroundings absentmindedly, looking for something interesting to keep my attention, but I couldn’t concentrate, until I noticed Hyrule somewhat apart from everyone else. Curiosity overcame me, suddenly the slightest bit of intrigue was enough to entertain me, anything was better than walking for hours in silence – I miss being able to listen to music while doing boring and repetitive things.

I walked faster to get to the Traveler, but kept a certain distance to observe and find out if it was appropriate to start a conversation. It was then that I saw something shiny approaching the boy right in front of me, who seemed to be waiting for it. The small floating ball of light flew quickly towards Hyrule, rubbing itself affectionately on his cheeks as a form of greeting. A fairy, who seemed to be a friend of the hero, definitely.

Adorable, to say the least, this seemed to cheer up the Traveler, who laughed excitedly, momentarily drawing the attention of the others, who seemed accustomed to it as they merely shrugged their shoulders with na occasional smile at seeing their brother happy.

I felt even more intrigued, assuming that it would be no problem, I approached the happy duo, trying to formulate a coherent sentence, but I was noticed before I could do so. The little fairy flew towards me so quickly that it hit my forehead, with such a loud thud that the noise drew the attention of those around us and the little fairy ended up falling back dizzy. She quickly recovered and began to circle me excitedly.

— Hm, hello? – I said shyly, embarrassed to be caught looking and still momentarily catch everyone’s attention. Rulie laughed softly when she saw her little friend’s excitement.

— You’re as beautiful as the great fairy said! You’re perfect! – The little fairy’s high-pitched voice resounded not very loudly, it was rare to see fairies talking, especially to common Hylians like me, their voices sounded like a tinkling of bells, yes, Peter Pan was right.

— I, well, thank you, that’s very kind. – I felt my cheeks heat up with embarrassment, being complimented by a fairy like that so randomly was a life situation that I would put in a diary, if that makes sense. – I’m perfect for what? – The last sentence the little fairy said intrigued me, I saw the hero look surprised at my question in the background, but the fairy just ignored it and continued speaking, so quickly that I couldn’t understand.

— This is my si- friend. A friend I made during my adventures. – Hyrule explained to me as the little fairy returned to his side, landing on his shoulder.

— Yes, friends! And you, what you and Link are? – The fairy spoke provocatively, but was cut off by a nervous hero.

— Anyway, she just came to say hi, it’s not safe for a fairy to accompany us on this trip. But I’m glad you met! – Hyrule spoke hurriedly as he walked away, taking the fairy with him while whispering something to her sternly.

I sighed in frustration. There goes my entertainment. I wonder what made him so nervous, maybe he just didn’t want the little fairy to explain about his adventures, he was a child at the time, he must have done several shameful or adorable things. Now I wanted to be able to talk to the fairy even more.

I looked around for anything else that caught my attention. God, even after so many years I’m still influenced by the habits of my past life. I was always surrounded by information and entertainment due to the Internet and various different forms of entertainment, or even due to various problems. Now, my life was simple and my biggest source of dopamine was the books I read, something I can’t do now.

Over the years as I grew up, I discovered that life here is very sad for those who know the technological world. Or maybe it was because I don’t have any friends. I mean, if I had a lot of friends I could have fun listening to gossip about their lives or just go out and do stupid things, even if it was in the middle of nowhere with nothing really fun to do.

How boring.

◇

We were finally stopping after hours of walking. I could no longer feel my feet and my legs were shaking with exhaustion. I sat down under the shade of a tree, relief hitting me as hard as a gunshot. Next to me, a smaller body joined me. Four looked exhausted. The poor guy had barely slept and was still forced to walk for hours without stopping.

I was going to comfort him, offering him the water I was about to drink, but I was surprised to feel a weight on my shoulder. The blond head was hanging to the side, resting on my left shoulder while the boy breathed calmly as if nothing was bothering him. The bastard fell asleep. I couldn’t stay mad, with him so close I could see the dark circles under his eyes. In the end, I owe the blacksmith, he was always so kind and tried so hard to help me, he even made me a sword. I’m still mad about yesterday’s painful training, but I’ll forget about it for now, I’ll charge him when he’s in good shape.

I felt my body relax from the previous tension due to the unexpected contact, his neck would hurt if he slept like that, so I pulled his small body closer and moved the blond head gently so that it was on my lap, much more comfortable for both of us. I leaned against the tree and sighed, feeling my eyelids grow heavy as fatigue hit me again.

The idea of taking a nap before we got back on the road was tempting, but that possibility was snatched away from me when a steaming bowl of food was placed in front of my face, the smell so good it woke me up immediately. Wild chuckled softly at my reaction as he handed me the food, and I had to control myself from drooling right there. The Cook sat on my right side with his own bowl as we ate together in comfortable silence. I wondered if I should wake the blacksmith to eat, but putting myself in his shoes I figured I would be annoyed if he woke me up in na exhausted state to eat. He can sleep for now, I’ll ask the Champion to save some food for Four to eat along the way.

I heard the sound of male laughter nearby in the distance. The sailor seemed to be cheering everyone up with his adventure stories. Good thing the mood was very tense. I wouldn’t want it to last too long. Even from a distance, I could see that Time still looked very serious, stressed to say the least. After all, he must have a lot on his shoulders, a lot to worry about.

Maybe I should try talking to him later. I may not be useful in battle, but I have some emotional knowledge that I can share with these poor traumatized boys, some of them not so young anymore, but still just as traumatized. But that would have to wait, a more private moment when I didn’t have a man on my lap.

God, that sounded weird.

My food bowl was empty in no time. Wild was kind enough to bring it to me since I couldn’t get up at the moment. Lost in thought again, I ran my hands through the blond hair in my lap. It was incredibly silky. It was addictive to run my fingers through the soft locks. I would ask him what conditioner he used if I didn’t know that the answer would be “none”.

My eyes closed again in tiredness, I hope someone wakes me up when it’s time to leave, because I’m taking a nap right now, and I don’t blame myself for that.

◇

I was woken up not long after, still groggy from sleep, I continued walking without even paying attention to my surroundings. The further we walked, the more I questioned my life decisions. Actually, lives decisions, in the plural. The sun was already well to the west and the weather was cloudy, it was definitely better than walking under the scorching sun, but that also meant a chance of rain along the way, and considering that we would have to sleep under the stars that night, it wasn’t something I wanted to witness.

I approached Wind, putting na arm around his shoulders to keep my balance as I threw my weight onto him, making him stagger. I laughed and removed my weight, keeping my arm on his shoulders out of pure laziness, luckily he just laughed and didn’t complain. I continued to ramble as we walked side by side, but I could feel that the sailor was restless, something that wasn’t very common, since he always says everything on his mind.

— What happened? – I asked cautiously, not wanting to invade his personal space.

— I just... – He looked at me with those abandoned puppy dog eyes. – I’m worried about you, it’s not fair that you ended up involved in all this and now you’re in danger. You didn’t have to go through this.

The way he cared for me made my heart ache, poor kid, his own life is chaos and he still finds time to spend with my troubled self. I wanted to comfort him, take away his sadness, but the truth is I didn’t know how. I’ve never dealt with this before, I don’t know what to do, when can I comfort him about something that shakes me to the core?

— You don’t need to worry your little head about that, I’m fine, in the end I don’t regret anything, if none of this had happened I wouldn’t have met you. – I tried to comfort him in the best way I could think of, in the end it’s not a lie, my life is chaos, but before I was lost, I was alone.

The sailor didn’t say anything else, but I could see him sigh and smile melancholically, accepting my answer and putting his arm around my back, in a side hug as we walked. Mental fatigue was starting to set in on me, along with, of course, physical fatigue, I really didn’t have the energy to deal with all this, I could feel less and less like interacting.

Spending so much time only made me unaccustomed to all this attention, being surrounded by people could be very good, but I still couldn’t do it for so long, I like my space. But I have nowhere to run, I’m stuck with constant company due to my current dangerous situation. Not that I don’t enjoy their company, I really do. Being with them makes me happy, but I feel suffocated by having to keep so much inside me, without being able to vent or get it out. Maybe it would be smart to get a new diary. At least I know my secrets will be safe as long as I keep them written in Earth’s alphabet.

I felt a cold, damp sting in my nose. I instinctively looked up and saw dense rain clouds beginning to fall upon us. The others noticed just as quickly. With an order from Time, we started to hurry, picking up the pace to reach the shelter beneath a group of trees near the path.

We went as fast as we could, but even so, we arrived completely soaked at the improvised shelter. The trees didn’t work miracles, rain still passed through the leaves, but most of it was blocked, allowing us a moment to breathe. We were still very far from the next stable, there was no way we could try to get there like that. We all struggled to get the excess rainwater off our bodies and hair, but the damage was already done. Twilight shook his head aggressively to dry his hair, like a wet dog, which resulted in more splashes falling on me and Wind.

The rancher apologized, but that didn’t stop us from giving him irritated looks. I pulled the brat next to me closer to a tree where was drier, grabbing my own towel from my bag and rubbing it on his blond hair to dry him as much as possible, doing the same to myself soon after. While we tried to dry ourselves and not get more wet, Warriors and Legend worked to spread a long cloth between the trees to have some kind of protection against the icy drops of rain. It’s likely that we’ll stay here until the rain stops, or even until daybreak.

The fabric used as a temporary roof was thick and made of a nearly waterproof material, it seems that they had already taken precautions well in advance of a possible similar situation. Wild gathered as many dry branches as he could find for a makeshift campfire, which would be used mainly for warmth. We all huddled around the low fire that we struggled to maintain as the silence echoed, only the sound of the rain in the background creating a somewhat soothing soundtrack.

The space we had didn’t allow us to spread out too much, so we would have to deal with this tangle of bodies seeking warmth. The Cook provided food for us to eat later while the others, with nothing much to do, just stood there, some sulking – Legend more specifically – while others seemed more frustrated or tired.

I sighed heavily, leaning back, leaning against the tree behind me, followed by Sky who wasted no time in settling down for a nap until the rain stopped or the food was ready, whichever came first.

Wind played absentmindedly with a branch, making random drawings in the damp earth. Time watched the horizon, trying to identify when this storm would pass. Many followed the chosen hero’s example and relaxed, Four was grateful to be able to sleep a little longer, while others were content to remain bored and lost in thought. I didn’t feel tired enough to sleep, but I wasn’t willing to lose myself even further in the depressive depths of my thoughts and ideas, so I tried to make conversation.

— Well, at least it’s not thundering. – I said, looking at the sky, trying to sound positive, but soon after a loud bang was heard, refuting me. – Oh, fuck it!

I heard some laughter about my terrible luck and a frustrated sigh coming from the older man. Boredom took over me, I tried to distract myself by thinking about the different things I liked on Earth, cartoons, series, movies, music. Anything. I tried to go over movies I liked in my mind, from watching so much I knew almost all the lines of my favorite movie, but there were still some gaps in continuity due to old memory. When I noticed, I was humming different songs of things I liked, without worrying about the curious looks due to the songs unknown to others.

That didn’t last long, my mind was moving a million times, without focusing on a single thing. Soon the memories I had been avoiding so much came to mind. I remembered how I would watch children’s movies with my little brother and we would do an improvised karaoke with Disney songs, singing out of tune but never getting the lyrics wrong. I shook my head to push away those thoughts that were making my chest burn. I felt a strange desire to be able to show those memorable movies to Wind. I wondered if he would like them as much as my brother did, if he would sing with me too.

I know, it’s not nice to associate him so much with my little brother. They are different people, he is not a replacement, but I still have this brotherly instinct in me that I can’t help. But the truth is, the Sailor would love to play games and watch movies with my brother. They would be good friends if they could get to know each other.

I looked at the horizon, lost in thought. Maybe I should consider the idea of telling the truth one day. If we reach a high level of trust, it might do me good not to keep it to myself forever.

#link x reader #linked universe x reader #legend of zelda #linked universe fanfic #linked universe #lu x reader

29 notes · View notes

rosierin · 7 days ago

Note

Hi,

You do not need to respond to this. Just want to give you something to chew on.

Constructive criticism is good, especially with writing, because it helps us grow.

But sending someone an anonymous message suspecting you of ai and calling your writing flat and boring is not constructive criticism. If it was they would have given suggestions to help grow you.

On the one hand I’m annoyed fandom still has the nerve to act this way towards people who give of themselves FREELY. On the other hand I’m proud of you for doing so well in your writing you’ve gotten haters. 😆

Even the greats have haters.

I was going to write this on anon but then realized…why? You are open, why can’t I be.

I’m currently writing the second book in a fantasy series I’m working on. This kind of stuff, if you can find it in yourself to know that your writing, your voice is valuable, is water under the bridge.

Your writing is a breath of fresh air on Tumblr, in fan fiction, and especially the Haikyuu fandom where there are few writers I would say actually have the ability to keep my attention.

Also, I don’t know if this will help you. But I love the way you write the quartet series because it actually made me give a name to y/n lol!

I know that’s silly, but your girl is so fleshed out she IS her own person and it’s clear the boys care for her and she for them. You have managed to bring a complete OC into a fandom where it is hard to do. That is some skill, give yourself some credit 😉

Also that last Atsumu post? Good lord, that was only one pepper!? I thought I was about to explode.

Not sure if I’ll survive Suna’s but I’m willing to try.

Anyways, I’ll shut up now. I just hate seeing fellow writers get discouraged. But I’m sure you will move past this and grow stronger because of it.

Looking forward to your next update. ❤️

Minnie

Oml the fact you took the time to write this 🥹 You’re so sweet!!!!

I deffo see what you mean with the whole constructive criticism thing, but I always like to give people the benefit of the doubt because sometimes words can come off harsher in text than you intend it sooo… maybe they didn’t mean to come off as blunt as they did—but idk 🫠

I am SO flattered gosh I’m a bit speechless ;u;

The fact you gave y/n a name is so effin cute I love that 😭😭 I definitely try and give her a more “distinct” personality, rather than a “neutral yn”, just because it makes her friendship with the trio more believable!!

Bahahaha tbh idk if people will think the Suna one I’ve yet to publish is spicier than the Atsumu one—although I will say the Suna one has more explicit content 🫣

Thank you for taking the time to message me, again everyone’s messages have been really sweet and encouraging so I really appreciate that 💗💗

Also!!! You’re working on an original fantasy series??? That’s sick!!!! Is it posted anywhere I can read it or do you plan on making it a novel??

#📨messages #from: minnietaills

5 notes · View notes

jynxeddraca · 1 year ago

Text

There's not a lot of information about the sewers in Baldur's Gate I've noticed.

So I'm going to give my thoughts. Most of this will be headcanon because again - there isn't much about the sewers that I can find.

Based on BG3 - NOTE: Sewers are in Act 3 so there are going to be spoilers. I am also writing this from memory:

Kobolds maintain the sewers, if I'm recalling right they are in a guild and I think in the game were on strike.

There is a sluice gate that is controlled by heat and water pressure (and is the most annoying puzzle in the entire game).

There are slimes, oozes, and mephits living down there.

The Guild has a headquarters in the sewers.

It is suggested that there is access to the Szarr palace from the sewers, even though the player cannot use this entrance.

There is also access to the temple under the Szarr palace from the sewer.

Access to the Undercity+Bhaal's temple is here as well.

There is a portion of the sewer that seems to have lots of plants and may have some sun access.

Somewhere there is access to the Underdark - but is never actually shown in game.

While there are a couple of outhouses in Act 2, toilets are not shown anywhere else that I saw - I am assuming the developers simply didn't go through the process of building them in-game and not that there aren't toilets.

Pipes, pumps, and plumbing exist in-universe. In fact you can talk to people who are trying to get water from one of the fountains and it isn't working.

Other things I've found that aren't in the game - not putting in links because Tumblr hates when I do that:

There is access to what is called the Undercellar in the sewers. It is a network of chambers and cellars housing a sleazy tavern and feasthall spanning under the Upper City and the Wide with multiple access points - one of which is in The Blushing Mermaid, and another in the Duchal Palace.

You can find gray oozes, green slimes, mustard jellies, ochre jellies ghasts, ghouls, phase spiders, a tribe of kobolds led by one called Ratchild, a sentient olive slime named Schlumpsh with devoted sewerfolk followers, sewerfolk I guess, rats, and on occasion gelatinous cubes.

At one point there apparently was an ogre mage who domesticated carrion crawlers to get rid of the bodies of his robbery victims - so I guess carrion crawlers are a possibility too.

There is kind of a purification system in place - it is located in the Seatower district and is a tower complex called Sewer Keep that treats and purify the waste that left the city's sewer system before emptying it out into the River Chionthar.

Headcanons:

Not directly related to the sewers but Jaheira makes an offhand comment in the epilogue about rebuilding even though "the next dragon attack" could take out part of the city - or something along those lines - but it makes me think the city rebuilds parts of the city maybe not regularly, but often enough that people joke about it. So I feel a good portion of the city would have more "modern" (for them) amenities.

Chamber pots were used during times when sewers did not exist as the solution for what to do with waste. Rural areas, small towns, and the Outer City districts lacking a sewer system would still use these - but not major cities like Baldur's Gate.

Meaning I feel most people, especially those in newer or more recently rebuilt parts of the city, will have some kind of actual toilet that empties into the sewer - though they probably have to flush by pouring water down it.

I do think most of the Outer City will not have sewer access except for Blackgate and maybe Rivington. Blackgate because it is used by merchants coming in from Waterdeep and is right up against the Upper City, Rivington because it also is what visitors see first when they enter the city.

Wyrm's Crossing absolutely does not have a sewer and a good chunk of people dump their chamber pots into the Chionthar river below - the city discourages this.

I imagine there's a small population of gelatinous cubes in the main city's sewer, but is kept in check thanks to everything else that is in the sewers.

The city more than likely hires adventurers from time to time to 'clean out' the sewers of monsters. I feel most cities with large sewer systems would do this.

There are other hidden buildings and temples under Baldur's Gate, but because sanitation workers/architects have a will to live most days, if they come across something like that, they leave it be. This is also why they hire kobolds for much of the maintenance and cleaning.

The Guild has a significant amount of control over the sewer - both over those that live in the sewer as well as in the political/architectural control over it.

The sewer sees a significant amount of traffic due to the Guild, secret societies, hidden temples, adventurers, and people who need/want to meet secretly that - unless some kind of peace keeper catches you - no one is going to bat an eye when they see someone entering or exiting the sewer.

The sewer is a bit of a labyrinth, but those that live down there have made up a code system that they can scratch/paint on walls to help navigate.

#bg3 #baldur's gate 3 #D&D #sewers #headcanon #might add more later

11 notes · View notes

dreamescapeswriting · 1 year ago

Note

In general, I understand why you wouldn’t want minors reading smut and I agree with putting warnings out there but you just seem OBSESSED with it. Like more than any other blog I’ve ever seen. To the point it’s really off putting.

They’re going to read it regardless. I completely agree with refusing to write certain triggers or things because I’ve definitely seen some disgusting stuff out there, but I just don’t understand why you’re so worried about the age of your readers or requesters. A 13 year old could create a blog and say they’re 30 so unless you require proof of ID you really didn’t prevent anything.

It seems like just more stress on your part. I used to follow you a long time ago but like every two days you’d post about how you were blocking accounts that didn’t provide their age or have anything posted. It’s just got annoying so I unfollowed and recently came across one of your posts again and nothing has changed.

I think you’re super talented and I’ve always wanted to request something from you but it honestly gives me anxiety so I turn to other blogs that don’t make me feel like I’m doing something wrong even though I’m not a minor. I’m not comfortable doing it off of anon and I don’t want my age and info out there either, even if it’s just for you. It feels like getting a background check just to request something.

It’s your blog and you have the complete right to do whatever you want and I don’t have to follow you either. I know all of that. I also know this is going to come off as rude and I really don’t mean it that way. I guess I’m just trying to understand your thought process around it. Maybe it could open my eyes more and I could see it from your perspective and be more understanding about why you push this so much.

Hiya darling,

Thanks for sharing your thoughts and being honest with me, I appreciate you coming to me with this and letting me explain my side on this matter. While I understand that it can be frustrating and off-putting to see reminders about what I have on my account it's needed.

Firstly, my main concern is protecting both myself and my readers when I put those mature posts out on the internet. The internet is a tricky and very weird place, and as a content creator who deals with adult material, I have a responsibility to ensure I'm not inadvertently providing explicit content to minors. This is not only a personal ethical stance but a legal one in many places of the world.

I understand that minors might still find ways to access adult content, not just mine but many others, despite my and many other people's efforts, and I know that it's virtually impossible to prevent it but by setting clear boundaries and rules on my account, I am doing my part to discourage that as much as humanly possible. It's true people lie about their age, but having an age in their bio or not accepting anonymous requests creates a deterrence.

My old (since I have not posted about it since) about blocking blank accounts were always about filtering out any accounts that could be seen as bots, that be porn bots or just random bots that flood Tumblr, and stopping people who solely make accounts just to steal work from hard-working authors such as myself and many others who put content out into the world for free and end up having it stolen from people. Putting those posts out was about maintaining a safe and responsible space for me and others who lurk on my account. It also helps me interact with people who respect these boundaries and understand them and why they're in place in the first place.

In regards to the stress it might seem to cause to many others, I find that being upfront and putting these kinds of things in place reduces my stress when it comes to posting. It allows me to focus more on creating content without constantly worrying about the age of my readers. The transparency on my part (and those who abide by the "rules" - I guess) helps create a more comfortable environment for those who follow and interact with this blog.

I understand that not everyone is comfortable sharing their account when requesting smut, which is why I offer to hide your @ whenever people send me requests. Which this has worked for people in the past and still to this day. I would never judge someone for sending me something, as I've always prided myself on keeping a safe space on my account so if for some reason you don't feel comfortable or it gives you anxiety I deeply apologise.

While not everyone feels okay with adding their age on a bio, it's important to me and many other authors on Tumblr so that I and readers all feel safe sharing content intended for those over age. It's crucial that I feel I'm not contributing to the exposure of explicit content to people underage.

Finding a balance between the concerns I have are a challenge, I and many other authors struggle with it all the time. I realise it's not the perfect solution for everyone but this is the only way I feel comfortable.

Some people may read adult content regardless of barriers that are set in place, and I respect that people make their own choices, my policies are a way to set a standard and communicate that I'm taking my responsibility seriously, making an effort to guide my content to the age-appropriate audience, therefore I'm morally and legally covered.

I'm sorry if this causes you anxiety as that is never my aim in life, but please understand that it also causes me anxiety when I don't know the age of people requesting adult content. Imagine how uncomfortable it would be for a 20+-year-old to find out that her explicit writings were asked for by a minor. This is a situation I - and other authors - want to avoid at all costs, both for ethical and peace of mind reasons. Without these policies in place, I would have to consider stopping writing adult content altogether to ensure I'm not inadvertently harming anyone or breaking any laws. Without these things in place, I would have to consider stopping writing smut altogether to ensure I'm not inadvertently harming anyone.

Thank you for taking the time to reach out. I hope I got my points across without coming across as bitchy as I don't want that to be the case.

Kind regards,

#m answered #anon #skz #stray kids #bts

15 notes · View notes

221beloved · 2 years ago

Text

Face the consequences

In fierce determination John made his way through the halls of the Diogenes Club. Sometimes a chaperone or a servant would try to stop him, to kindly tell him to piss off or something like that, but he just raised a hand and stomped past them. By now he had been here often enough to find the way to his destination without any problems. He reached the door, knocked and entered without waiting. “Where is he?” he demanded. “Good afternoon to you too, Dr Watson. What can I do for you?” Mycroft was smiling at him from behind his desk. “Where. Is. He.” John pressed out through gritted teeth. “Please take a seat, John.” Mycroft gestured to the chair in front of his desk. John pulled the chair out and made no attempt to hide his impatience and annoyance. “I assume with 'he', you mean my brother?” Mycroft continued, unbothered, the false and smeary smile not leaving his features. “Yes,” John said. “I've tried to reach him for a week now, texts, calls, I was in his flat, but he's not there. He won't answer me, and no one makes an effort to tell me where he is. They 'don't know.'” He emphasized the last two words. “And you came to me because...” Mycroft asked, his eyebrows lifted expectantly. “Because you now where he is and why he won't answer me. You always know.” Mycroft tilted his head. “Why are you so eager to know, John? As far as I am informed, it is not unlikely for my brother to disappear for some days, or not to answer a text. Not to mention phone calls, I thought you would know that by now.” John was getting more and more annoyed. “Well, I know that. But... I worry about him. I texted him and he didn't answer. And when I went to see him, Mrs Hudson could only tell me that he has been away for a few days. I just want to know he's alright.” At this Mycroft's eyebrows went up. “You want to make sure he's... alright?” he asked, nearly disbelieving. “Yeah,” John said, his patience clearly coming to an end now. “I know, must be quite shocking for a friend to want to know that the other is doing fine. So, tell me.” Mycroft said nothing, just looked at him. “Well, I'm his friend, I have a right to know where he is.” Silence followed. “Why is he not answering?” Still silence, and John huffed in annoyance. Then Mycroft said in a low voice: “He's on a case. For me.” John frowned. “He never took cases from you.” Mycroft leaned back in his chair and crossed his arms in front of his chest. “He does now,” he just stated. “Why?” John asked confused. “You tell me, Doctor Watson,” was his answer. John decided to ignore whatever implication that should be. “And when will he be back?” he asked instead. Mycroft shrugged, but after a glare from John he added: “Maybe he will text you sometime...” “Sometime?” John asked. Mycroft watched him with a thoughtful expression. “Well, you married, Dr Watson. You married someone else. Face the consequences.” John's eyes went wide and his mouth fell open. “Wha-” He couldn't find any words. How could Mycroft say that? As Mycroft watched him, his expression darkened, slowly morphing into disappointment and bitterness. “Now Dr Watson, I'm sure you'll find your way out, as you came to me so confidently.” He stood, walked around his desk and opened the door. “Well?” He looked at John, and John was clever enough to see his chance to go before Mycroft would call security. And he would. John stood and turned to leave the office, still speechless. What the hell? What was Mycroft implying? He was tempted to turn and just ask, but the look he'd already received in the office discouraged him. So he left the building, much slower than on the way in and somewhat intimidated.

Text me your tag preferences

@angstober

@holmesianlove @missdeliadili @kettykika78 @topsyturvy-turtely @safedistancefrombeingsmart @7-percent @a-victorian-girl @lisbeth-kk @nathan-no @macgyvershe @whatsgoodmentalhealth @ninasnakie @oetkb12

#angstober 2023 #day 28 #bbc sherlock #sherlock #john watson #mycroft #sherlock fic

20 notes · View notes

ina-nis · 5 months ago

Text

It is so exhausting constantly dealing with people - all of them so far - that do not know or have the capacity to nurture their relationships.

Maybe the "issue" is that I really am not a priority in their lives - again, all of them so far - so that really isn't a big problem, is it? Except the frustration and exhaustion that comes with spending energy and time (and even money, at times) on relationships that are going through a "trial", or maybe it's out of convenience and loneliness, or maybe it's just as a "lesson", so many reasons why it doesn't work out how I want.

Wow, why do I disappear from your life, right?

Maybe you have not been present in mine.

Maybe I tried to make emotional bids with you, that went ignored or glossed over.

Maybe I decided to prioritize whom prioritize me, whether that's myself or someone else.

Oh, but isn't that bad?! Because what if the other person is waiting for you to say something? What if they think you're not prioritizing them so they don't want to bother/annoy you? What if they're matching your energy in this relationship? What if they're going through things out of their control and you're just not compassionate or kind enough to accommodate them, right?

Give me a fucking break. Seriously?

It goes both ways, doesn't it?

The pattern I noticed is how I'm the one trying to make bids over time, I'm the one trying to plan hangouts over time, I'm the one trying to prioritize my time with you, because it's precious time to me.

For the longest time I thought there was something wrong with me, as person, and that was surely why I couldn't keep close friends, I couldn't have deep and meaningful relationships - and I still do not keep them, for the most part - for the longest time I thought I had to change myself more, to heal more, to shape myself into something more palatable and easily digestible, a friendly individual without bothersome needs, who's here to have a good time and make others feel good.

No, I'm not the only one at fault here.

And this is why I changed, and this is one thing I'm very happy and very sad about having changed... I'm not willing to tolerate mediocrity.

So I'm the one who's going to walk away. Every. Time.

It feels discouraging to see... about everyone feels the same, does the same, cannot nurture things or simply do not desire to prioritize me (and it's likely a matter of finding the "right" people). Even if I get mad and very upset about it, about these people and these "relationships" there's simply nothing I can do, since I cannot make people want me.

And we circle back to the beginning, huh?

I'm here wishing one day this all stops feeling like a utter waste of time

My love, my affection, my energy, my time... it all feels wasted on people who cannot appreciate it, who cannot appreciate me how I do them.

#inanis post

2 notes · View notes

radioiaci · 9 months ago

Text

@helluvaflames ⧐ 📘 Newly Started Romance with Fizzarolli or Angel maybe? MUSE RELATIONSHIP DYNAMICS ASKS.

Since you specified two muses here, here are my thoughts on each. For Fizzarolli - Alastor is approaching such a relationship as a manipulator. He wants to use the imp for his own devices, whether it's to provide further entertainment for the hotel, OR to somehow weasel his way close enough to Mammon to provide an 'in' to possibly take advantage of a Sin's power in some way, shape, or form. (He fucking hates Mammon and would not turn down the opportunity to straight up murder the guy if he gets the chance.) It will take Alastor finding a genuine interest in Fizzarolli for who he is as a person for that to further develop, though with how silly he can be, it's not out of the question. Al x Fizz is a very lovely ship, it just needs some work for Alastor to stop playing the role as a VILLAIN and start being a supporter. And even then, Alastor will absolutely never drop his ambition to usurp a Sin. And he will fight Mammon with his bare hands at every opportunity, whether it's to possess Fizzarolli himself or to save Fizzarolli from his control. For Angel - I am VERY interested in pursuing RadioDust and have been from the start, HOWEVER... The BIGGEST obstacle to this ship that I've come across thus far is that Angel annoys Alastor in SIXTEEN BAD WAYS rather than it being endearingly annoying. The nicknames, the breaking of boundaries, the obvious conflicting personalities. And my issue is that sometimes that can get really discouraging for Angel players. An Angel will have to grow to understand Alastor and how he is - that he is not interested in changing, in being nicer, in 'opening up' right away, in asking for help, in trying to be anything that he is NOT - in order for something to grow between them. And I'm DYING for that to happen but so far it just hasn't. But I also don't want a player to CHANGE the way they play Angel Dust just to slot in with my Alastor. It has to be natural chemistry and sometimes that just doesn't work. But I'm definitely open to exploring it. It will just have a CONSIDERABLE amount of conflict that one will have to patiently pluck their way through for anything significant to happen. And that requires time, long threads, dedication, maybe some significant plotting of major story events or arcs... And that's a lot of work for some people, so I get why that's not something they're interested in. ...I rambled there, my bad LMAO.

#⨻ answers ⨻#helluvaflames #▶ after-hours broadcast ▶

2 notes · View notes

caughtthedarkness93 · 2 months ago

Text

I wanna add a few things about the ace experience - at least from my perspective - here that are I think relevant and helpful to know. This will also have a lot of my opinions in it, but...well, they're relevant, so I'm gonna say 'em.

While asexuality is a queer identity, it feels a little different from others because you're defined not by the presence of something but by its absence. What that means in practice is that being ace can be weird and it can be hard to figure out that's what you are.

So like me for instance - alloace, heteroromantic. I thought I was just straight for years. Sure, I recognized that some aspects of my experience were abnormal, but attraction is such an internalized thing that it's hard to recognize when you're not experiencing it. Like if you're a man experiencing attraction to other men, it's clear what that is. It may take some introspection to come to terms with it, but it's pretty straight(heh)forward.

But me being asexual? There were times when I noticed I didn't react to sexual content the same way others did, but I didn't really know what that meant. There were times I thought the entire societal obsession with sex was some elaborate hoax that men were playing on one another for clout and no one really actually liked it. There were times when I wondered if I should see a doctor, but concluded that I wasn't really unhappy with how I was, it was just...unusual.

Even now, a few years into identifying as ace, I still get some feelings of imposter syndrome because being ace is essentially trying to prove a negative.

To add a few other things:

• Ace people can still experience arousal. It's a body's autonomous process that is connected with sexuality, but can fire off without attraction or libido. It can get very annoying.

• There are multiple times of attraction so yes, if you find that person beautiful, it doesn't mean you're not ace. That's aesthetic attraction, which is I find this person visually appealing. There are actually a lot of types of attraction, many of which are pretty easy to confuse with romantic or sexual attraction because people often talk about them in ways that are tied together. Person is beautiful (e.g. I am aesthetically attracted to them) so I would like to have sex with them. One of the other common culprits is sensual attraction, which is the desire for nonsexual physical intimacy - i.e. snuggles. Aro and/or ace people can having varying levels of these as well, and they can also be related to gender (i.e. having a stronger aesthetic attraction for women than men or vice versa).

• By the same token, it can be very alienating and lonely to be ace. I often feel like an odd one out in certain scenarios. Everyone talking about how this person is super hot and I just...don't get it. I remember a lot of the men I knew in high school and college making me very uncomfortable with how they talked about sex (and often how they talked about women by proxy).

• Some stereotypes to avoid: cold, or emotionless ace people, do not compare us to robots please. And please, please, please, for the love of all that is holy, don't have them stop being ace when they "meet the right person." Demisexuality exists, but demi people are still part of the ace spectrum and don't cease to be when they do start experiencing attraction. It does strike me though that a lot of protagonists in the horniest romance novels you'll ever see are functionally demi or gray ace, given how much you see the "I haven't ever felt this way about anyone before!" trope played out.

• Likewise, don't portray ace people as pitiable or worthy of sympathy. If I wanted sex, I would have it. It's meaningless to me as it is, and I genuinely feel that there's nothing inherently special about it. Other people can feel free to feel differently, although I would argue that the way people view sex is connected to larger issues in how people, especially men, are discouraged from emotional intimacy and part of what those people get out of sex is a sense of that emotional closeness that they feel they cannot express elsewhere.

• To complicate the stereotypes - while the childish/innocent ace who doesn't even know what sex is stereotype is really annoying, I can see where it comes from because me and a lot of the other ace people I know are oblivious to flirting or sexual proposition. I cannot tell when someone is hitting on me for life, and while that's probably partly the autism, I'm not going to say the asexuality has nothing to do with it.

• A few ace inside jokes and bits of ace culture - we'd rather eat cake and garlic bread (cake tends to be older, garlic bread newer, though you see both represented as a symbol of the community), ace people love dragons (I'm going to be honest, it's hard to trace the origins of this one, but it's widespread enough that it's definitely part of the community's identity - far as I can tell, it seems to have originated from a random Tumblr post that just blew up, but there's no real logical connection at the root of it. It's fine though because dragons are rad).

"So, you wanna make them ace?"

Asexuality 101: Making your characters asexual

Indroduction: Ok, so, from what I've seen in fandom and in general, most people don't really know how to write an asexual character. Many just quit it and make them allosexual, others just struggle their way without having much of a guide. Prime example is Alastor from Hazbin Hotel, whom many people want to involve in sexual scenarios so they go with the "asexuality is a spectrum" route. Problem is, they don't understand how asexuality is a spectrum exactly and then they just end up writing their characters as allo. Now, how to avoid this? Teaching them!

If you're looking for a good way to get started with your own asexual oc, an ace headcanon or a media charater, I've got you! (i mention sex briefly here in some parts)

My credentials: I'm ace.

The basics

What is asexuality?

Asexuality is a sexual orientation that is generally defined by the lack of sexual attraction, or a very little amount of it. Sexual attraction is many times confused with libido, which is the sexual desire. Sexual attraction is more accurately, "the desire of having sex with this specific person." Therefore, some ace people do have a libido, and do want to have sex, but mostly are just not attracted to a person.

Myths and misconceptions

Asexuals can't have sex - as many shippers say, "asexuality is a spectrum", and while some aces don't have sex indeed, they can want it and have it as well. Person to person scenario

Asexuals don't know nothing about sex - unless the ace in question is a child, they probably may know, in fact, a lot. Many ace people like reading, watching or consuming smut, and by this and other means, even if they don't have sex themselves, they pretty much know how it is and how it works. Sex is everywhere, after all. Hard to miss

Asexuality is caused by trauma - it can be! Just not always, and most aces are simply born this way

Asexuality is a medical condition - much like homosexuality, asexuality is frequently treated as an illnes and many ace people are forced into conversion therapy. Some people also hold the belief that asexuality is caused by an anormality in a person's hormones, a mental illness, etc. But it is not true! Asexual people can obviously also be mentally ill in some way, but these are different things. It is just a sexual orientation like any other!

Asexuality is caused by HRT - hormone replacement therapy, ie. taking testosterone or estrogen, is one of the most common type of medical transition for trans people. Some hold the belief that taking hormones like those can "break" your sexuality (estrogen does sometimes decrease a person's libido, but it depends on the person's organism and it doesn't take your sexual attraction away from you), and turn you asexual

Asexuality is caused by autism - this myth may be originated from the fact that many autistic people are in fact asexual, or by the fact that both asexuals and autistic people tend to be infantilized a lot. However, as much as autistic people are very commonly also ace, asexuality is not, in fact, a symptom of autism

Basic terminology

Ace - short for "asexual".

Aro - short for "aromantic"; someone who experiences little to no romantic attraction, aka typically "doesn't fall in love".

Allo - somebody who does experience attraction. "Allosexual" is someone who is not asexual, and "alloromantic" is someone who is not aromantic.

Aspec - short for "a-spectrum". The a-spectrum is an umbrella term for anyone who is in any way ace, aro, aplatonic, afamilial, or other identities that fit here.

Acespec - short for "asexual spectrum/ace spectrum". It's a part of the a-spectrum and contemplates all asexuality.

Aesthetic attraction - finding someone pretty or beatiful, without necessarily wanting to have sex with them. Many ace people who didn't know they were ace report to having used to mistake it with sexual attraction.

Sensual attraction - similar to sexual attraction; the desire to touch someone, but without wanting to actuall have sex with them. Many ace people also confused this with sexual attraction.

Aphobia - discrimination against aspec people.

Amatonormativity- the belief that everybody is happier in a relationship, wether they want it or not, and should want and seek to be in one, and the general root of aphobia.

The Split Attraction Model

If you are looking on the ace community for a while, you might have heard of the split attraction model--if you haven't, here it is:

Image description: The Split Attraction Model, a cross chart inside a square, with four ends. The first end of the cross is labelled "ace", its opposite is labelled as "alloce", the third end is labelled as "alloro" and it's opposite is labelled as "aro". The section on the "alloro" and "ace" square is labelled "alloromantic asexual", the section in the "ace" and "aro" part is labelled "aromantic asexual", the section on the "alloro" and "alloce" square is labelled as "alloromantic allosexual" and the section on the "aro" and "alloce" section is labelled "aromantic allosexual". /end ID.

The split attraction model divides all orientations in four groups: The aroaces, the aroallos, the alloaces and the alloallos. It is usually shortened to "SAM".

Many people find this model useful, because it sorts your attraction into two groups: allo- and a-, and yes and no. It's simple and easy.

Many aces do not use this model to explain their attraction/lack thereof though! Hence the first distinction of aces we have here: SAM-aces and non-SAM-aces. Basically aces who use the Split Attraction Model and aces who prefer not to!

A non-SAM ace may define their asexuality as their romantic orientation as well, or label themselves differently altogether. While a SAM ace could call themselves an "asexual aromantic" or an "asexual alloromantic", a non-SAM ace could call themselves just "an asexual". In this case, they can be neither "alloro" nor "aro".

If your character is aware of their sexuality and identifies as ace, it's good to know wether they use the Split Attraction Model for themselves or not.

The spectrum

You may have heard that "asexuality is a spectrum" a thousand times, but what does it mean?

Just like "non-binary", "asexual" can be an identity on its own, but it is actually an umbrella term for a bunch of orientations. When we say that it is a spectrum, we are saying that there is Nuance. "Ace who doesn't date", "ace who dates", "ace who experiences just a little bit of sexual attraction", "aces who like sex" and so on. 'But Angel', you ask me, 'didn't you say that asexuality is when people don't have sexual attraction?' It can be! But there IS nuance, and that's what I am here to tell you.

There are two more factors beyond the SAM that you can consider:

"Are they sex repulsed, sex favorable, or sex neutral?"

Here is the "aces can still have sex" thing. A sex repulsed ace is probably what the majority of people think when they hear "asexual". It is an ace person who doesn't like sex. Doesn't want to have it, is disgusted by it, despises sexual intimacy, etc. They are the aces who tipically just don't want to have sex, and are very happy without it.

A sex favorable asexual is someone who likes it. Sure, they don't feel sexual attraction, but who's letting it stop them, right? They like sexual acts, they are fine and happy with having sex in general, and that's what the "aces can still have sex" point means. Yes, they can, if they want to! Maybe your character themself doesn't define themselves as neither repulsed nor favorable, but it's good to know what their instance on sex is.

Sex neutral asexuals are aces who are not repulsed by it, but are not really into it either. They may have sex, they may be fine with it, they may like it even, but they generally don't have a desire or strong feelings regarding it. It's just sex, after all.

Sex ambivalent asexuals are another thing I want to touch on. They are tipically aces whose instance on sex changes! Sometimes they may feel repulsed by it, sometimes they may want it, sometimes they may not care. They are neither strictly one, nor another. Their feelings change!

It's good to see where in this categorization your character or blorbo would be.

Inside the asexual spectrum, where do they stand?

If I were to represent the ace spectrum as a linear thing, I'd do it like this:

Image description: A linear representation of the asexual spectrum, in the shape of an arch. In one end, it is written "asexual", on the other, it is written "allosexual" and on the very middle, at the top of the arch, it is written "gray-asexual". /end ID.

or like this:

Image description: Another linear representation of the asexual spectrum. One of the ends is a black circle and the other is a white circle. Between them, a gradient goes from one circle to another, passing through different shades of gray. The black end is labelled as "asexual", the white end is labelled as "allosexual", and the gradient with shades of gray is labelled "different kinds of Gray-As". /end ID.

What is graysexual, you ask me? We all know that the world is not black-and-white, and as so, sexuality is also not. Grayace is a term for a person that is also asexual, but not strictly: that is, they are the "feels a little of sexual attraction" part of the spectrum. It is called like that because when we put asexual and allosexual in two ends of a spectrum, graysexuality stands in this gray area.

Gray sexuals may:

Experience sexual attraction only sometimes

Experience light sexual attraction

Experience sexual attraction under certain conditions in certain scenarios, for example, when they are already very intimate with a certain person

And many more! Graysexuality is on itself a spectrum, but having an idea of allosexual -> graysexual -> strictly asexual is already a good guide. Graysexuality can also be described as "having partial sexual attraction".

Fun fact about gray-aces: The asexual flag has four stripes; purple, white, gray and black. The purple stripe is meant to be a color signifier of the community, the white means allosexual, the gray means the gray aces and the black stripe represents people with strictly no sexual attraction. Hence the term "black stripe asexual" (which is not very popular but I personally like).

Micro-labels

You already have a basic understanding of the asexual spectrum and how it works, so you can think on where exactly in the spectrum your character/blorbo is. To help you out further, I present you the microlabels! Much like non binary is an umbrella term with many microlabels like genderqueer, xenogender and demigender, that help one explain their identity with more and more specific explanations, asexuals also have a lot of microlabels! Here are some:

Cupiosexual - asexual person that wishes to have a sexual relationship (example: i am cupioromantic person and i am basically a hopeless romantic and a yearner. cupiosexuality is similar, but with sex)

Gray sexual - asexual person with partial sexual attraction

Demisexual - asexual person who can only be attracted to people they already have a bond with

Abrosexual - person whose sexuality is fluid, and may be asexual at one time, bisexual at another, gay at another, etc.

Aceflux - asexual person whose sexuality changes, like abrosexual, but only between asexual identities

Aegosexual - asexual person who likes the idea of sex or fantasises about it, as long as it doesn't envolve them

Lythosexual - asexual person who is only sexually attracted to people they are not close with, and their sexual attraction fades out once the become closer

Myrsexual - asexual person that uses multiple asexual identities to describe their sexuality

Aroace - aromantic asexual person

Alloace - alloromantic asexual person

Apothisexual - sex-repulsed asexual person

These are not all micro labels in the asexual spectrum, but they are quite a lot. Maybe even if your charater is not sure if they are in a certain label or not, you may find them in some of these descriptions.

Links to resources with more microlabels: Tumblr post by @aroacesafeplaceforall (no images) /

/ A slightly longer list on asexuals.net (undescribed flags) /

/ Another guide for microlabels on lgbtqia.fandom.com (undescribed flags)

Bonus questions

Is it okay if I make my asexual character autistic? Is it not stereotyping? Yes, it's okay. There are actual asexual autistic people, and I'm sure they'd love to get represented as well!

Is it okay if I make my asexual character have sex? Is it not erasure? Yes, you can do that too! As long as it is where they stand in the spectrum (as explained in the topics above), you are doing a good thing by representing sex-favorable asexuals.

Do I have to make a romantic orientation for them too? No. Your character may be a non-sam ace, and identify as ace alone!

I heard that it is erasure if I make smut fanfic of ace character X. I don't get it how! While it is true many ace people have sex, many people when writing that just ignore their sexuality when writing/drawing smut of them! The spectrum is wide, so when you are doing that, remember where they stand on it.

Why can't I headcanon this ace character as allosexual? I headcanon straight characters as gay/bi/pan all the time and nobody says it's wrong! If people don't like my headcanon why can't they just look away? Because asexual people are a marginalized group, unlike straight people, so it is as okay to make them allo as it is to take an asian or black or jewish character and make them white. Because it is not just an individual headcanon; it's a part of a much bigger problem, and by avoiding headcanoning ace characters as allo, you are confronting your own internalized aphobia, which is a good thing! If you still want to make them have sex, well, that's what I made this guide for! So you can make them have sex as you wish without erasing their identity.

I am ace and am basing myself or my own experiences here. Is it okay if I...? The answer is generally yes. If you wanna write about a different ace experience than your own, a little bit of research won't hurt, though!

Is this enough for me to write my ace character? It is a start. This is a general guide, and there are some things I haven't touched on this guide (like aphobia) so I'd advice you to do more in-depth research on topics you want to focus more on, but this should get you pretty far.

Extra

"Is Alastor from Hazbin Hotel canonically ace or aroace?" (slightly related, because some people looking for this guide to write this guy might want to know this too)

Answer: link to a post clearing this up this with some sources. Short answer though, is that he is confirmed to be ace, not aroace.

"If I didn't understand something here, or I have more questions, can I ask you?"

Answer: Yes! You can reblog this post with questions, and my inbox is also open, and I make sure to always let anon on. I will be happy to help if I can.

"One of the image descriptions on this post was off or confusing, can you change it to X so it is better to understand it?"

Answer: Of course! I will need you to signal me in either the notes or in the inbox what I need to change, though.

"Are asexual people queer?"

Answer: Yes! Because the queer community, as the name suggests, is for people who are different, odd, and are not considered "normal" because of that. Asexual people are not a part of "the norm", because we don't feel sexual attraction, and therefore, we, and by extension your ace characters too, are queer.

#asexual #ace #ace pride #asexuality

887 notes · View notes

perfectlyvalid49 · 11 days ago

Text

I finished playing Dragon Age: The Veilguard a while back (I’ve been busy and this took a while to write) and I figured I’d share my thoughts on it. I don’t usually review games, but the DA brainrot is real, so if I don’t talk about something, message me and I’m sure I’ll have Opinions about it. Fair warning, I have a lot of thoughts and this will get spoilery so if you’re not interested, or not interested in spoilers, scroll to the next post. I’m gonna put the tl:dr at the top for ease of not having to get to the bottom of the post -

TL:DR – it’s a good game, and if it’s the sort of game you like (fantasy action RPG with a heavy focus on interactions with player companions) then I think it’s worth playing. Even with its faults, I still highly recommend it.

And the rest of this is going under a cut.

Mechanics/gameplay (I dunno what exactly to call this)

I’ll start with combat mechanics (I am giving you as much time to get out if you don’t want spoilers as possible). I played on normal as a spellblade with a focus on staggering enemies and didn’t think it was too difficult. There were a handful of boss fights that gave me some trouble, but nothing too terrible.

Having said that, I do think the mechanics were too fiddly. Obviously, this is a much more modern game than other entries in the series, so it has a more modern gameplay style, but I remain annoyed that they decided to add active blocking/dodging. Like, I gave up on blocking, and beat the game without ever figuring out how they wanted me to do that. To me, that indicates that something isn’t right there. I shouldn’t be able to completely ignore a mechanic and still easily beat the game, and also the mechanic shouldn’t be so difficult to master that your players just give up on it.

I did really like how your companions function in combat. I think the game did a good job with only five abilities per character of making classes feel similar but each companion different within that. I also really liked the whole prime and detonate mechanic – I think it really reinforced the game’s theme of “we’re stronger together as a team.” It was a little annoying that those were locked by class, because it really discourages you from having a party of three of the same class. Mechanically I get why, but also, what if I want to listen to Neve and Bellara chat? It’s annoying to have to look it up online (also, if you want to look it up online: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pr13xz7aSuk&list=PLpE_3Z-CImGtccgPb3pc729Sql4Uoqsfx&index=12)

I also appreciate that the game gives clear audio cues when cooldowns are up, or when someone has used a primer ability that you should detonate. Usually there’s a lot to keep track of in combat, so being able to use my ears for that let me use more of my visual processing on other stuff.

Main plot and side quests

I have beaten the game, and I did every side quest that I could find. There were a pretty good number, so I’m going to generalize for the most part. I think that the main plot was pretty predictable from what we knew from Trespasser – I’ve been saying for years that my bet was that Solas was going to try to tear down the veil and we were gonna have to put together a team to stop him, and that the twist was going to be that he succeeded enough to let the other gods out and we’d have to work with him to deal with them. Sounds pretty close to the game we got, though I did think that the confrontation with Solas would be later in the game – more of a place where you realize you’re in much deeper trouble than you had originally thought, like In Your Heart Shall Burn from Inquisition rather than how the game starts.

But predictable can be ok! It’s how you tell the story that matters. And I think they did a good job. I enjoyed the story that they told. I wanted to see what happened next, and I also enjoyed the side quests that were distractions from that. One of the things that I really like about Dragon Age as a series is that the world feels really developed, and I think they did a good job in Veilguard using those side quests to tell small stories that help the world feel that way. I kinda actually wish there had been more, but I will take a smaller amount of good storytelling over a larger amount of mediocre storytelling.

I think my one major complaint about quests is Regrets of the Dreadwolf should not have been a side quest, and the things revealed should have had a bigger impact on the characters in the game. I’ll talk about this more later when I talk about lore, but I think part of the problem is if the quest is optional then you can not do it, and if you don’t do it, then your companions can’t react to it. If they had made it mandatory, then there could have been more of a reaction, and the things revealed could have felt as weighty to us as players as they should have been to the characters.

Companions and other NPCs

I love them all. I want to romance them all. I am going to wind up playing this game seven damn times so I can romance them all…. Bioware knows that giving you a bunch of different companions with fun personalities to bounce off of is an area where they excel, and they leaned into it hard for this game.

I liked all the companion quests, and I really liked that they were actually quest lines that you came back to repeatedly throughout the game. It gave a much better sense of getting to know your companions over time, and played into the game’s point that these people are here because they really know and trust Rook, not just because Rook did them a favor that one time. And I like that that was reinforced by some of the endgame mechanics as well.

I do think that the choice that you make at the end of some of the questlines could be more meaningful. Like, Emmrich’s was really well done – that was a tough choice (kinda – I love Manfred to pieces so there was only ever going to be one answer, but it is asking Emmrich to give up a lot. In character it deserved due consideration). But Bellara’s on the other hand just kinda felt like it didn’t matter? Like, it’s the sort of thing that feels like it could have an impact on a future game, but I have no faith that it’s a decision that will actually be tracked for future games, so it winds up very “meh.”

I also think they did a great job with other NPCs, especially the faction leaders. Again, Bioware is at its best when it’s making characters, and they put that talent to good use. I also think it was really smart of them to put most of the faction leaders in pairs so that they could interact with each other. I think it worked to show off their personalities in a way that wasn’t dependent on Rook. I’m looking forward to playing this game again, and the main reason is so that I can go back and poke at all these characters again.

The bad guys

I’m gonna be honest. Neither Elgar’nan nor Ghilan’nain are that interesting as villains. He’s power hungry and she’s insane, and both of them view you as less than a person. I’d actually argue that Elgar’nan is almost exactly Corypheus from Inquisition in both his outlook and goals. The only difference is which ancient empire they’re looking to restore.

That’s kind of OK though, because I’d argue that Solas is actually the true villain of this game. I would talk about him more, but it turns out I have some *strong* feelings about him, and it turned into a 3,300 word rant, so I posted it separately. TL;DR – Solas is a great character that I hate with a vibrant passion. I think that he’s straight up evil and the game is compassionate towards him in ways he does not deserve. Fortunately, this game gives you the opportunity to punch Solas in the face and then stab him. You should take it.

Lore (why is this game better for people unfamiliar with the series?)

My favorite thing about Dragon Age as a series is the lore for the world. There aren’t a ton of AAA games where I can look at a still image of a background NPC, and give you a good guess as to what culture they’re from, the values that culture emphasizes, and their likely views of other cultures based on hundreds of years of geopolitics. I’ll admit, Dragon Age definitely falls into the special interest category for me, and I know that not everyone can info dump about the last thousand years of Chantry decrees, but I do want to highlight that the information is available in the games if you go looking for it.

And I feel like Veilguard completely ignored most of it.

And sure, there have been tweaks to what was established in prior games in ever subsequent game. Hell, you can kill one of your companions in Origins and have her show up as an advisor in Inquisition. So, I’m not going to claim that every inch of cannon has been religiously adhered to previously, but that’s not what I’m complaining about. It’s less that they changed things, and more that they ignored things that were established previously and the setting felt more generic for it.

And I know that we’re farther north than we’ve been in other games, but from a geopolitical standpoint, we would expect Treviso, and Lavendel to largely adhere to cultural norms set by the southern Chantry. The Necropolis is weird, but Nevarra would also be considered the South (it shares a border with Orlais – it used to BE part of Orlais), and we would expect to see some cultural influences there as well.

As an example, we know that both Elves and mages are treated as second class citizens. We know that Elves are forced to live in literal ghettos, we know that elves are sometimes kept as slaves in countries where slavery is formally not allowed, we know that it is more scandalous for the empress of Orlais to take an Elven lover than a female one. And up to about 15 years ago, mages were literally kept locked away from the rest of society under armed guard and with very few rights. And yet, in this game, I played as an Elven mage and felt none of that. And I’m not saying that that sort of thing has to be present, but it was already in the setting, and having it suddenly disappear just makes the setting feel less detailed and more generic. Everything sucks in Thedas! That’s why I’m here! If I wanted a happy, fluffy fantasy setting where that sort of oppression basically doesn’t exist I’d go play in a different setting.

And as for your other main hubs, I have complaints there too. We know a little bit about Minrathous and Tevinter at large from previous games, and I don’t see hardly any of it reflected here. We know that slavery is common, and yet we see very few slaves. We know that blood magic is a not uncommon practice, but we only see bad guys do it. We know that they had a major religious schism with the southern Chantry – show me how that makes things different! Instead we’re given a city that could be from anywhere, and that’s disappointing.

And speaking of the Chantry – where is it? Painting in very broad strokes, Thedas is medieval Europe, and the Chantry is the Catholic Church. Unless there is an explicit reason otherwise, most people are going to be Andrastian. Like, the Veil Jumpers and some (but not all!) Rivaini are going to follow other religions (also the Avvar and Chasind, but they’re not in this game), and obviously the Qunari have the Qun, but virtually everyone else you meet is going to be some flavor of Maker worshiper. And I’m not asking for clunky dialogue where people stand up and give exposition on their loyalty to the Maker, but I can hardly recall anyone mentioning him at all. Not even the medieval style swears from other games like, “Maker’s breath!” or “Andraste’s tits!” That’s beautiful world building right there and it’s weird for it to go from being very present to hardly noticeable.

There is one place where Andrastian beliefs are discussed, and that’s in the quest Regrets of the Dread Wolf. That quest gives us A LOT of information about lore that was previously either unknown, or theorized but unconfirmed. And I really don’t mind the devs saying that what we knew previously was false. But I do mind that within the quest, the team kinda discusses it but mostly shrugs about the setting’s predominant religion’s teachings being shown to be inaccurate at best, and outside the quest, it’s barely mentioned at all. And I’m sorry, but if you showed me relatively good proof that my religious beliefs were wrong, it would take more than a couple conversations for me to process that, and I imagine that would be true for most other people as well. Instead we get:

Lucanis: You’re asking if we just disproved the entire Andreastian faith. Harding: Did we? Rook: *picks a dialogue option*

And then the team has one discussion about how everyone, Andratian and Dalish alike are finding out information that shakes the foundations of their religious beliefs. And then it’s basically never really addressed again, and it just seems so wrong to just brush that off. Like, a major part of Harding’s personal arc is dealing with having a major alteration to her personal connection to the Titans. But everyone else has their worldview about their gods/origins rocked and it’s barely worth commenting on.

And I’m also really mad about how Bellara and the rest of the Veil Jumpers react to the Elven gods being present and evil. Because it’s very much a, “Yeah, we already knew about that.” And I want to know how that works. Because that was treated as information that was completely unknown as little as a decade prior, and everything we know about the Dalish tells us that they are very into the Elven gods as benevolent forces that they wish were present. Obviously, there will be cultural differences from clan to clan, and individuals within clans will have variances in how religiously observant they are, but to have a relatively large group of Elves that somehow knew that the gods sucked (who told them? when?) and to have processed that to the point where it’s treated as unfortunate, but not worth overly dwelling on just seems callous to me. I also really think it’s a missed opportunity to not show Davrin and Bellara having very different reactions to this information

And getting back to the Chantry, I’m also bothered by their noticeable absence from what we are told about the south in Veilguard. Like, we get a couple of letters from the Inquisitor that are like, “things are real weird and real bad in Orlais.” Where the hell is the Divine in all this? We know she’s ex-Inquisition, potentially friendly with the Inquisitor, that she’s likely extremely politically powerful, and that her seat of power in in Orlais. Do you really expect me to believe that she’s doing nothing? The fact that she isn’t mentioned AT ALL is like a giant hole in the story. I don’t need a lot but like one line saying, “I’ve spoken with the Divine and she’s doing what she can to rally the faithful to join with the Inquisition against the blight.” And then at least I’d feel like the devs remembered she existed.

And while we’re talking about the devs forgetting people existed, where the hell is the Hero of Ferelden? The last we heard, they were off looking for a way to prevent the calling – it would be very easy to have had them succeed in at least delaying it and have them present for this game. They could have shown up at Weisshaupt – give them a heroic death getting Rook and team through. Or have the Inquisitor mention them in one of their letters – “The Hero of Ferelden blew off the Warden Commander to come to the south and fight to save their home from the blight for a second time. They’ve proven to be an invaluable ally in our efforts.” Or if you want them dead, have Morrigan mention it. “Tis a shame the Hero of Ferelden is no longer with us. Their experience in fighting the blight would have been valuable to our cause.”

As I’ve already said, one of the things that makes me love this setting so much is that there’s so much detail about the world. Over the years a lot of thought and effort has been put into making a world that exists beyond the bare minimums necessary to support the games, and I feel like with Veilguard they threw a lot of that away in favor of focusing on shiny new details instead. And call me greedy, but I want new details from the new games, but I want them to keep the stuff that existed before as well.

Decisions, decisions (why don’t they matter?)

Dragon Age: Inquisition let you set a custom world state to reflect the decisions you had made in Origins and DAII. It tracked (and I counted) 132 decision points going into Inquisition counting all DLCs, 72 from Origins and 60 from DAII. This was really cool. It made it feel like the decisions you had made in previous games were meaningful. And while I’m pretty sure that a lot of those 132 decisions didn’t really come up in Inquisition, enough of them did that it still felt meaningful.

Dragon Age: the Veilguard also lets you set a custom world state to reflect decisions you had made in Inquisition. It tracks THREE FUCKING DECISION POINTS AND HALF OF THEM DON’T EVEN MATTER. At the start of the game, you are asked if you disbanded the inquisition or not (did not seem to significantly come up in the game, why are you asking me this), did you vow to stop Solas or save him (at least this comes up in dialogue sometimes, including (potentially) at the end of the game) and who did your Inquisitor romance, which really is asking “did you romance Solas?” Because you get about five to ten minutes of Solavellan content if you said you romanced him, and exactly one letter from your beloved otherwise. (Side note: Don’t tell me that my Inquisitor, who fought a literal duel in the streets of Val Royeaux for her lady’s hand, has not proposed in the last decade. Utterly ridiculous.)

And it’s not like there weren’t things from previous games that might be relevant. I mentioned earlier that it would be great to see the Hero of Ferelden at Weisshaupt, but we’d need to know who they are and their fate for that to happen. Also Blackwall/Rainier could have been there, but then we’d need to know if he joined the Wardens or not. Dorian is in the game, it might be nice to know what’s going on (if anything) with him and Bull. Wouldn’t it be absolutely fascinating if the new Archon of Tevinter had a Tal Vashoth boyfriend? I certainly think so, but Bioware seems to disagree. Or you’d think that maybe who the Inquisition sided with in the Mage-Templar war might have effects that are felt a decade later, but apparently not. Did your Inquisitor drink from the Well of Sorrows? That feels like it should be important in a game where you can kinda talk to Mythal, but clearly that’s me being crazy.

One of the reasons why I like Bioware games is because they generally let you make choices that feel meaningful within the game, and also impactful to the setting itself. But Veilguard feels so disconnected from the rest of the series, that that no longer feels true. It almost feels like a soft reboot, which is absolutely wild, given that Veilguard is more closely connected to Inquisition than any of the previous games had been to each other.

And that has impacts on things that are solely within Veilguard as well. I mentioned earlier that the choice you make at the end of Bellara’s personal quest feels kinda “meh” and that’s because the choice you make has no short term impacts. It’s all about in the long term, is it better to have this source of information or get rid of it because it’s dangerous. That’s the perfect sort of choice to have show up and bite you in the next game. But because this game is so disconnected from its predecessors, I have no faith that my choice for Bellara will be called back to in a future game, so it just feels like it doesn’t matter.

Endgame

Well *somebody’s* been taking notes from the Mass Effect trilogy.

I kid. Mostly. But Tearstone Island reminds me of Virmire, and mechanically, the final assault on Minrathous feels like a mix between the suicide mission from ME2 and the galactic readiness system from ME3. It’s not necessarily a bad thing, but the similarities are enough that it feels worth noting. I didn’t 100% the game, but I did finish all my companion quests (why are you even playing this game if you’re not gonna do that?) and managed to max out my reputation with 5 of the factions just by doing all the quests I could find. Weirdly, it was the Wardens that were the sixth group, and they were pretty close, so I spent an extra hour or two to top them off. Having said all that, I managed to get through with minimal losses. And I’m happy about that because the one person I did lose was bad enough. Did you know that if you put Harding in charge of the B team at Tearstone Island, and then talk to Taash after, they make a comment about how everyone they love dies? My heart hurt.

Anyway, there’s kinda three pieces to the endgame after the little pop up warning that there’s no going back – Tearstone Island, the Prison of Regrets, and the final push on Minrathous. I feel like that’s a lot to push to endgame from a pacing perspective. Like it’s clear pretty early on that to save the day you’re going to have to kill Ghilan’nain and Elgar’nan, and their dragons. Prior to endgame you manage to kill one of those four. And I get that the Prison of Regrets is supposed to be an interlude to kind of break all that up, and I get why they wanted to keep Elgar’nan and his dragon together for the end. But from a pacing perspective, I feel like maybe having the fight with Ghilan’nain be earlier in the game would have worked better from a pacing standpoint, and then have Solas betray you over something else? Maybe after a lost fight with Elgar’nan? I’m not sure, but it just felt weird to have the end be *so* loaded.

Talking about each piece individually, I enjoyed Tearstone. Something they did here, and also earlier at Weisshaupt, that I really appreciate is that you can see other parts of your team off doing things, or helping you even if they’re not in your party. And I really liked the fight with Ghilan’nain – thematically I thought it was really cool that the focus of the fight is trying to save your friends instead of trying to damage the boss directly. Again, there are some parts of this game where the theme of “Rook can’t do this alone, it takes the whole team” really shines through, and this fight is one of those places.

I do feel like most of the Island doesn’t feel that endgame-y. The fight with Ghilan’nain certainly does, as do the events immediately after, and I can’t think of a way to separate that from the rest of the island in a way that works, but most of the island isn’t that intense. Like, it definitely felt like a main quest sort of quest, but not like an “Oh shit, here we go,” sort of quest. Or at least, it doesn’t until you start losing people.

And I love the Prison of Regrets. I liked what it did for Rook emotionally. I mentioned before that one of the things I really like about Dragon Age is that it’s a series where very frequently your character is presented with “every option is a bad option” scenarios. So I really love the idea of your character feeling overwhelmed with regret even though they did their best, and the game taking time to acknowledge that (and weirdly give you a bit of magical therapy for it.) And I like that it’s characterization that Rook gets no matter what else you decide is true about that character.

But I do have one major complaint, and that’s that the twist with Varric was so, so obvious. I started playing on November 1st, and I have a note I saved on my desktop dated November 2nd that says, “I think Varric is dead. I know he says that he’s had worse, but we’re in the fade and we know that spirits in the fade can appear as dead people. I think that dagger to the chest was worse for him than we are being led to believe.” It’s not entirely right, but for about five hours into the game, it’s not wrong either.

And from an in character perspective, good job Solas, because Rook had no reason to believe he was dead (other than seeing him get stabbed in the chest, but, y’know, a lot was going on at the time, maybe it wasn’t that bad) and it certainly is a way to get Rook feeling strongly about Solas heading into a final confrontation.

But from the perspective of a player, I wish it hadn’t been quite so obvious. I would have loved to be surprised by it! But people were worried about him since they showed Bianca breaking in the gameplay reveal in June. That’s some pretty strong symbolism right there. And when everyone freaked out and went “oh no, is Varric gonna die?” the devs were so flipping coy about it. And I know that they did that so that when he seems ok 10 minutes later in game so you would think, “Oh, they just wanted to make me worry for a minute, he’s fine!” and put you off your guard. But you don’t build hype off of tension that’s almost immediately resolved like that (or if you do, we have different problems). And even after you’re in the lighthouse with him, and he’s supposedly fine, something was suspicious enough for me to write myself a note so I could feel validated later when I was right.

I guess I’m just frustrated that they telegraphed such a big twist so much that it was no longer a twist, especially when the reveal is supposed to be such a strong emotional storytelling point.

As for the final push on Minrathous, I liked it. It did feel like endgame in a way that Tearstone did not, and I think that probably has to do with it kicking off with that massive battle at the front gate. I liked how it starts with cutting between you deciding who is going where and watching all your allies walking up to the battle. I think it does a nice job giving you space to think about who you want where while simultaneously increasing the tension. This *feels* like you’re getting ready for the last battle. And while I did make fun of this a bit for feeling very similar to the end of Mass Effect 2, that was a great game and I don’t hate it here. And the battle itself is great. It feels huge and chaotic and like you need all of the allies you’ve gathered in order to get through. I apparently made correct choices about where to assign people, and it was great watching everyone work together to kick some ass.

Once you get past that opening cutscene the rest of the fighting was pretty standard. I do like that you get to rescue one of the people you lost on Tearstone. It makes me feel better as a player who *hates* accidentally killing party members, and it somehow makes it worse for the person you really did loose. I also liked that there was a break point in the middle and one last round of conversations with your companions. If you haven’t picked up on it already, I play Bioware games for the story parts, and so an extra round of conversations right before the end of the game was a nice little treat.

The fight with Elgar’nan was tough, but not nearly the toughest in the game. I kinda wish the final fight in the game had been a little bit harder? I also wish we could have fought Lusacan. Again, I understand why they had Lusacan and Solas off fighting each other, but this is Dragon Age! Let me go kill the dragon!

But fighting Elgar’nan isn’t the end of the game, because once you beat him, you still have to deal with Solas, and the problems that he has created for you.

Ending options

And you do get one final choice in the game, and that’s how you deal with Solas. Your options are talk him down, trick him, or fight him (or get sucked in with him if you really screw things up). And this also feels a little Mass Effect-y (specifically the end of 3), in that there’s some talking, you make your choice, and then you get a cutscene and the game ends. At least it’s not 40 minutes, and there’s slightly more differences than what color everything turns?

As I’ve already said, I personally think that fighting Solas is the best option. I was pretty neutral on him going into Veilguard, but this game radicalized me into absolutely hating him. I personally feel that the other two options you can choose are offering him a kindness he absolutely does not deserve.

I think the trick him option is alright, but to me it just seems like the option you pick if you don’t want to fight him, and you didn’t do the quest to get the talk him down option.

I do not like the talk him down option for a variety of reasons. It’s set up to feel like the best choice – you have to do extra work to even get it as an option, and Bioware games in general tend to present the talking instead of fighting options to be the better ones. But is it a better choice? I don’t think it’s really better for Rook – all of the endings except the “you screwed up the assignments and everyone is dead” basically solve the problem and Rook gets to walk away a hero. I don’t think it’s better for the Inquisitor, and it’s arguably worse for a romanced Lavellan who goes with him. We’ve established I think Solas is a bad person. I don’t care if you’re in love with him, he’s an abusive asshole who never considers that anyone else could ever be right, and she basically throws away her whole life to go be trapped in the fade with him. A place he admits is “terrible.” I don’t think it’s a good choice for her.

The only person it is actively better for is Solas. He gets told that all the bad things he did weren’t his fault – that he doesn’t have to feel bad about all the crimes he willingly did. He is forgiven, and then he gets to make a noble sacrifice so that he gets to feel better about himself, and I just don’t feel that he’s done anything to deserve it. He hasn’t learned any lessons, and he hasn’t resolved to be better. Instead he gets told that the things he told himself to justify his crimes were true and correct and is never really held accountable for them. And I don’t like it.

What’s next for the series?

Honestly, I’m not sure. The game didn’t perform as well as Bioware/EA had hoped and most of the Dragon Age team has been either fired, or reassigned to other projects. As of the writing of this post, no further Dragon Age games are being worked on, or if they are, the general public sure isn’t aware of it.

And that’s a shame. I’ve been fairly critical of the game in this post, but that’s because I love this series to pieces. Everything I’ve said here is because this was a good game, I just feel that a few changes could have made it even better. I still love Thedas. I hope that one day people who love it will be allowed to pick it back up and make the Dragon Age 5 that they were clearly setting up in this game. Until then, I have four games that range from very good to downright excellent to replay, and AO3 to fill in the holes.

*note: in a lot of places I say that things aren’t really talked about when they might come up in party banter, but I feel like that doesn’t count because I heard such a small percentage of it in my initial playthrough, and many people will realistically only play this game once. I wouldn’t know it existed if I wasn’t the sort of madwoman who listened to the 7.5ish hours of banter while writing this piece, so I don’t feel that it’s fair to say that addresses these issues in game.

#dragon age #dragon age spoilers #dragon age: the veilguard #dragon age: the veilguard spoilers #datv spoilers #long post #word says 5750 words #I could have written more #but I think this covers most of my thoughts without getting too into really specific details #I have OPINIONS about this game ok?#I really do think it was good #but I also think it could have been so much better

0 notes