#and also this contradiction of feeling like birthdays are a big deal and also hating attention and wishing it could just pass quietly

[kingofcomedy]

waking up to that phannie interview this morning was such a treat it almost made me forget about the horrors of turning 25

[hetamavi]

America’s Dishonesty

Credit goes to Hetarchive for translated content. America has issues with being honest with his feelings. Really big issues at that. 

America can read the atmosphere, he just chooses not to. His tactlessness is a choice and, unlike someone like England who is also dishonest but still transparent with his real feelings, America’s tactless act is more convincing and he rarely drops it. Even feeling like he had to express concern for England clearly annoyed him (and it was described as uncharacteristic for him to act concerned at all).

Because he’s not as transparent as someone like England and is even less willing than him to be honest about his feelings, he can sometimes do hurtful things and it’s probably harder to understand where you really stand with him. On two different occasions, his way of getting England to act more like himself involved him doing things that clearly hurt England’s feelings. Those moments were when he pretended to be happy England died so he’d wake back up (”The Long-Awaited Deep Emotion is Ruined”) and when he lied to England about remembering England’s pain from the Revolution fondly (”Happy Birthday!”). In the latter instance, England even looked like he was close to tears before America admitted he lied. This sort of behavior is maybe more understandable in the instance where England needed a shock (when he was trying to wake England back up), but otherwise, it’s a very unconventional way of comforting someone that gets around directly doing the “comforting” part.

And while it’s usually England we see on the receiving end of this behavior (probably because England puts in a lot of effort to be closer with him), it is not just him that America acts this way with. Another notable character who America is also very close with that gets this treatment is Canada.  America is aware of Canada’s insecurities, but doesn’t make any attempt to resolve the tension between himself and Canada. Instead, after catching Canada trying to have a stronger presence, he acts like his usual tactless self, makes a vague comment on Canada being fine the way he is, and only reflects on what he admires about Canada in comparison to himself when he’s alone. 

He’s also pretty passive aggressive. In one strip about his relationship with Russia, fittingly titled “What’s going on Behind Those Smiles...?!”, America and Russia insist their bad relationship is ancient history (even though the Cold War lasted until relatively pretty recently - ending in 1991 with the dissolvement of the USSR) only to follow up with a lot of stuff that contradicts that claim. First, Russia says he wanted to “squeeze and snap” America in the past and America, acting like his usual cheerful stuff, actually challenges him to give it a try. Russia then starts talking about all the reasons he hated America in the first place before admitting he still wants to smash America’s glasses into pieces. Then, he and America (who heard all of that) go back to cheerfully insisting their relationship isn’t that bad. 

To make things clear, this isn’t to say that everything we usually get from America (that being his cheerful personality) is an example of him being dishonest. In a lot of ways that would take too long to go through here, he’s actually unapologetically himself. But there’s some clear discomfort when it comes to things like affection, opening up about his insecurities, and directly addressing negativity - whether that negativity be from others or himself. 

Why?

I think there’s two potential reasons for why he’s written this way. One is a real life explanation. Some of America’s characteristics mirror behaviors of real Americans being polite.

Maybe the best example of this is the frequent smiling. In the United States, instead of smiling being an indication of genuine happy feelings, it’s often just the polite thing to do. There’s also the fact that even though that kind of friendliness has been normalized as the polite way to act, Americans don’t care for being touched and like personal space more than what you’d see in many other countries. 

It’s possible those cultural norms made Hima want America to have similar contradictory behavior. He’s friendly and cheerful to an overwhelming extent, but he keeps the people closest to him at a distance and he keeps up his happy-go-lucky attitude even when that’s not actually how he’s feeling. 

The reasoning in Hetalia itself likely comes from his colonial days and the Revolution that followed. He didn’t get to socialize a lot as a kid. His most significant relationship was with a mentor that lived across an ocean and was mostly not around. So it’s not surprising America is lacking in social skills like resolving conflicts and dealing with negative emotions towards and from others. Those aren’t things you can learn from burying yourself in books on politics. 

But why does it sometimes feel like he’s almost deliberately pushing other characters away in some instances? 

America probably is deliberately pushing those characters away. Again, his most significant relationship as a kid was with a distant mentor that, because of his own shortcomings with other people, was emotionally invested in his relationship with America to an overwhelming extent. And to say it ended poorly would be an understatement. Things got violent, his relationship with Canada soured as well, and many nights after the conflict were spent with no sleep and him worrying over how to fix things with England. America gave up a lot for Independence, including being able to rely on the two most important people in his life - nearly the only people in his life - as people that would be there for him. And throughout all of that, there was probably a point where his relationship with England seemed like it might be beyond repair. This kind of stuff leaves a lasting impact on a person, especially someone as young and inexperienced with people as America was.  Even though America wants the company and friendship of others, he’s handling things in a way that maximizes how comfortable and safe he feels in these relationships. He’ll pick England to dress up with for Halloween, but only if he can get England to think he was picked for an insignificant reason like being his first Twitter follower. This keeps a distance between the two that keeps America feeling safe from once again experiencing the pain he endured from prior experiences. But not being understood by even those closest to you is a very lonely experience and as a result, America finds himself in a tough position of trying to alleviate his loneliness with loud, attention-seeking behavior while never making much of an effort to deepen the friendships he has or even actively sabotaging the efforts of the other person who is trying.

[cblgblog]

So my issues with Irondad are well documented at this point, starting from their very first scenes. Specifically the utter tone deafness of Peter’s recruitment, by both Tony and the writers. Tony starts the movie being blamed for the death of a 20-year-old kid who was in the wrong place, wrong time in Sokovia. That accidental death that can be put down to negligence on his part, is pivotal to what happens next. So pivotal he uses it in his pitch for why the other Avengers need to sign the Accords.

Tony, midway through the movie, deliberately brings a 15-year-old child into this conflict. A child he blackmails into going with him, because if you don’t, I will tell your aunt.

Charles Spencer was an innocent civilian, wrong place, wrong time in Sokovia. He died. That tears Tony up, as it rightfully should. And yet, in the midst of his crusade about following laws and accountability, he lies to May Parker about taking her 15-year-old nephew out of the country and into a warzone. Ignoring some well-established laws about child soldiers.

Tony blackmailing a child who’s had his powers for 6 months into participating in this conflict makes no sense. Ever. It especially makes no sense in the context of Charles Spencer and his mother. Yet neither Tony nor the writers seem to comprehend this. Which is why Irondad has been bullshit from the start. Blackmail and kidnapping are not sweet, father-son moments, even if you ignore the fact, as the MCU wants to, that Peter had a father already, in Ben Parker. He has a loving adult parental figure in May Parker. Both of whom cared about him before he had spider powers that might be helpful to them.

All of this, I’ve said before, so have others. And then I realized that I actually hate Irondad more than I thought. That Feige and co. mishandled it even more than I thought, and why? Because of this.

We know the story. Peter was, supposedly, this kid Tony saved at the Stark Expo in Iron Man 2. Started out as a fan theory, and then was confirmed that yes, this is true, this is exactly what we intended.

Now, we know Civil War had different writers/directors than Homecoming or FFH did. We also know that, for all the lip service of, ‘It’s all connected,’ we know that the creatives in these different franchises do not always talk to each other, and that they often blatantly contradict each other.

Taking all that into account, acknowledging that…the dumbasses at Marvel did not think up the idea of Peter being the Iron Man 2 kid. They heard the theory, thought it was cool, then took credit for having meant that the entire time, yes, that was totally us.

We know this because it is never mentioned in canon. All those Tony and Peter interactions, all those times of yes, Mr. Stark, I just want to be like you, Mr. Stark, and Peter never mentions that? When Tony takes he suit from him in Homecoming and Peter says that he just wants another chance, wants to be like Tony, would he not mention that hey, you saved my life, Mr. Stark. You saved my life and I just wanted to be like you, and now I can be, now I can save lives like you, just please give me another chance.

If the Iron Man 2 theory were true, would he not say that? In FFH, when he’s all guilt-ridden, I didn’t save him, would he not mention that hey, he saved my life before I was Spider-man, before I was special, before I was anyone?

Now I know what you’re thinking. The Iron Man 2 thing isn’t that big a deal. It’s not a crucial thing. And you know what, you’re right. It isn’t, it’s just always annoyed me, in an eyeroll way, that the same people who couldn’t count properly between 2012 and 2017 (8 years later flashing in giant letters across our screens means that Homecoming was meant to take place in 2020), that these same people who let something so blatantly timeline breaking get through then took credit for a kind of cool, kind of clever fan theory. It’s annoying.

I’ve now realized, however, that it is far more than annoying to me. Because TPTB at Marvel did not think of that idea for themselves, but if they had, and if they’d run with that idea? If they had, it would’ve made Peter’s recruitment in Civil War so much more fucked up than it already is, but so much more interesting. So, so, so much more interesting.

I’ve talked about why Spidey’s own movies (as much as you can call them that given the level of Tony infiltration) prove that the theory isn’t true. Now let’s go to Civil War. Different writers, yes, but let’s talk anyway about why we can tell from CW that Peter was not that kid.

He gets home. May is like, look who it is, Tony Stark. Not, look who it is, the hero who literally saved your life. When Tony locks himself in Peter’s room with him (still fucking gross, Jesus Christ), Peter is just, nope, I got no idea what you’re talking about. That’s—no, I’m not a superhero, no. He’s defensive. He’s apprehensive. He’s trying to figure out what fresh hell this is. He’s trying to hide stuff from Tony. If this is the guy who saved him at the Stark Expo, why this reaction? Why not, oh my god, you saved my life, I thought I’d never see you again, not, not up close I mean. When Tony asks him to do a thing, why is it not, well yeah, duh , you saved my life, where do we start? Or even, okay, I don’t really wanna do this, but, you saved my life, I owe you?

So, nobody wrote a fucking word of any of Peter and Tony’s interactions under the theory that he was the Stark Expo kid.

But what if they had?

Tony shows up at May’s place. He does not know who Peter is, in relation to their “meeting” before. He’s expecting to have to do some level of smooth talk to get in here but, nope. May’s just, oh my god, you saved my boy’s life, come in, come in!

We don’t know for sure that Peter was orphaned by the time of the Expo, but if we base it on comics and prior films, he likely was. Most versions seem to have him fall under Ben and May’s care between 2 and 6.  O1’ birthday means he would’ve been around 9 at the Expo. So, more than likely, Ben or May or both were the ones there with him. They may credit Tony with saving their lives as well.

So, Tony starts the movie being called out by a grieving mother. Going down this route, we’re at the midpoint…and here’s a different mother telling him how great he is. How he saved the most important thing in her life. How if Ben were here (May’s wearing her wedding ring around her neck btw, you can see it in the scene), Ben would say the same thing. Shake his hand. Hug him.

Now, Tony’s got a sharp ass mind, when it’s not clouded with booze or drugs or the like. Since he wasn’t wasted at the Expo, there’s a good chance that, given some details, he remembers saving this kid. He remembers how small this little boy actually was. He remembers how light this kid was when he grabbed him. It was a few seconds in a long ass night, that he hasn’t thought about in years, but to May Parker, it’s everything.

So maybe at this point Tony’s rethinking this. He’s remembering that little boy, realizing how young he still is. He pulled that boy from danger. And now here’s this woman who invited him into her house, told him how her husband just passed recently, things have been hard, especially for Peter but God, he’ll love to see you. Maybe Tony’s rethinking this, coming up with a way out, when Peter shows up. And then, aw hell. The kid’s just a mess of excitement and shock, possibly tears…okay now it’s just gotten harder to make an exit.

Let’s pause here to say that May Parker is not fucking dumb (“Cut the bullshit. I know you left detention. I know you left the hotel room in Washington. I know you sneak out of this house every night.”).

May is not dumb. Letting the 50-year-old dude go into her nephew’s room with him, alone? Arguably dumb, even if it is Iron Man. Letting him grab the kid for some Stark…thing, and take him wherever Tony said he was taking him on 12 seconds notice? Even more arguably dumb.  CW as it’s written dumbs down May’s character for the sake of an already questionable plot point. Especially since she literally says she’s not a fan of Tony in Homecoming. Yes, her comment there comes after the “internship,” her noting Peter’s distraction and stress because of it. But still, it’s fucking weird that she’d let this man take her kid out of the country, alone, in CW. It makes her dumb for the sake of plot.

But if Stark saved Peter’s life not so long ago? It at least makes a bit more sense. He’s a hero. Peter literally wouldn’t be here without him. Why would Tony hurt him now?

So, back to the scene. Peter’s probably less paranoid about showing his stuff to Tony. Probably not spilling everything himself, but when Tony notices things, Peter’s probably less panicked over it, more willing to confirm. Yes, he’s got these powers, okay? And he hasn’t had them for long, but he’s trying to do good, like Tony. He’s trying to do the right thing, like Tony.

Now, this kid has such literal hero worship going, and he’s so damn inexperienced, he admits that. And Tony’s still got Charles Spencer’s mom in his head. He’s dead, Stark. And I blame you.

Can Tony really take this kid—actual minor kid younger than Charles was—take him and put him on the field against the goddamn Avengers? That woman out there with the dead husband and the ring around her neck, what’s he going to say if Peter gets hurt, or worse? Sure the kid obviously has skills but, can he risk another grieving mom?

So, maybe Tony’s rethinking this. Maybe he can still get out of this, improvise a Plan B. But then there’s a text from Nat or Ross. Where are you? We’ve only got a few hours, what’s the play?

Special circumstances, nobody in that group is really gonna fight to kill…it’s special circumstances, and he can keep the kid mostly sidelined.

This time, he doesn’t have to blackmail Peter. He doesn’t have to threaten to expose his secret. Peter’s willing, either because he genuinely wants to, or he feels he owes Tony a debt. So there goes the dick factor of Tony literally blackmailing a child. And the lack of questions Peter seems to ask about what he’s fighting for, the acceptance of vague answers, that’d also make more sense in this context.

In this version, Tony is both more and less of a dick. He’s doing less active threatening and manipulation…but he’s also being doubly manipulative. His genuinely good deed gives him an easy in with the Parkers. He’s playing on the credibility of an earlier, at least somewhat better version of himself. One who saved Peter Parker and hadn’t yet ended Charles Spencer.

Look, I won’t lie, I legit don’t know what I’m saying anymore, except that Marvel sucks for taking credit for a thing that they definitely do not have credit for. Which isn’t particularly new for them, and wouldn’t particularly matter if the thing they took credit for (and didn’t do anything with) could’ve offered some interesting story possibilities.

[bangtan-dreamland]

in another life, you and i

Pairing: pjm x male!reader ; one-sided!kth x male!reader

Word Count: 16193

Warnings: major character death, brief descriptions of violence, mention of a massacre, terminal illness

Rating: PG15 

Genre: angst, fluff (?), supernatural!au, demon!au, reincarnation!au

Summary: you are, surely, the strangest human Jimin has ever met, and he’s had two hundred years to mingle with your kind. still, a deal is a deal, and your soul is interesting, so why not?

he soon realizes there’s much, much more to the story than he knows.

A/N: written as a belated birthday fic for @sombreboy, whose fics feed my never ending thirst!! this is pretty wordy and kind of wonky, but I had a lot of fun writing this, the ending stressed me out though, I couldn’t help making it bittersweet

a big thank to you @tigertaehyunq who helped encourage and support me writing this!! I could ramble about her help but it’d take a lot of space, so I’ll just say I couldn’t have finished this without her. also, I rushed making the banner and will probably replace it later. edited a little now!!

•• ━━━━━ ••●•• ━━━━━ ••

The first time Jimin’s summoned in decades, it’s to a human who he cannot understand at all.

And as a demon, he’s met plenty of human beings over the course of two hundred years. He’s met humans who worshipped him, humans who feared him, humans who hated him… he’s granted all kinds of wishes as well, has made more deals than most demons, even those older than him. He has a reputation, one that he’s earned.

He doesn’t think that you’ll be different from any human that he’s met before, and that like usual, this would be a quick transaction. Boring. Repetitive. But if he doesn’t meet you, then there’s nothing else to do- even if you’re only a quick distraction, he welcomes it.

Yet, when he’s summoned by you, you manage to blow all his expectations out of the water. 

Oh, as the fire that rises to the ceiling brings him over, his feet making contact with the rough floor, the markings on the ground, the offerings- there is not one bit that surprises him. Instead, he readies himself for your shock.

Humans are always ever so vocal, after all, even those who seem to be, at first glance, calm and composed. It’s a waste of energy and effort to introduce himself when they’re too busy panicking over the fact that they’ve ‘actually summoned a real demon!’. Therefore, he waits for you to get your screaming done and over with.

But as the flames make way for your visage, the face with which you greet him is not one that he’s familiar with.

Yes- In the split second that the flames die down to a simmer before disappearing, he can see the vivid surprise in your face, then replaced by fear and- grief?

However, as soon as they come do they pass, leaving him wondering why and if he only imagined it. You approach him with a mild look on your face that gives away nothing as to what you really feel inside, your tone even. Still, your slightly heavy breathing gives you away. “... You’re not the demon I aimed to summon.”

Jimin chuckles. “No, I am not. However, do not fret. I am much more powerful than whatever demon you originally intended for, I assure you.”

“... Or perhaps, you are not worried, so much as you are afraid right now?” As he takes a step forward, he has to inwardly commend your courage- even at the distance of a mere foot between the two of you, still you do not cower away from him. Rather, it seems you even have the nerve to take a step closer, as you tilt down to look at him. He feels a small surge of excitement in him- maybe this one won’t prove to be boring at all. Jimin continues his words. “I wouldn’t be surprised. Humans are ever always so afraid, after all. Especially of the supernatural.”

And then it takes him by surprise- the way that your lips shift oh so suddenly into a smile. It turns your face from a still lake in winter to the blooming fields of spring, and a stray thought in his head arises- for a human, you’re quite attractive yourself. “I’m not afraid of you at all,” you easily state. “I don’t mind if you’re not the one I was originally calling for. You’re much better than him, after all.”

At this close a distance, he can see in clear detail the way your eyes are clearly free of any fear, as you say.

How interesting.

“Wonderful,” he purrs, smiling widely, taking delight in the way you freeze for a moment, evidently charmed by him, especially when you’re so close to each other. “For humans like you, I do not mind making a deal.”

It would be best to take a step backward, the current distance between the two of you unsuitable for a serious conversation. Still, he’s never been the one to back down first. With that in mind, he simply continues on the conversation. “Now, human, for what reason have you called for me?”

You nod your head, a small smirk on your lips. “This is my last cycle,” you suddenly declare, and, what-

Before Jimin can process the words you’ve just spoken, you admitting to information that you should have no way of knowing, you are the first one to take a step back. As you do, you make a gesture to the center of your chest, and- 

“As you can see.”

Jimin makes a sound of surprise in the back of his throat as his attention is demanded by your soul. As he examines it, the first thought in his mind is that- impossible.

It’s an enigma, like you. Whole, unbroken. Your soul can almost be called pure, as there’s not a single crack to be found anywhere, the orb smooth. Yet mystifyingly enough, at the same time there is a black shroud of darkness that surrounds it, the type that only souls broken beyond the point of salvation can emit. The pristine state of your soul would qualify you a place in heaven- yet at the same time, the aura of death and hatred that surrounds your soul would open a position for you as one of hell’s most powerful demons. He can’t help wondering just what exactly were you like, and if the state of your soul is the reason why you can remember your past lives.

It’s how the game of heaven and hell works, after all. Humans are given ten lifetimes, ten journeys in the mortal world, their souls starting out as pure orbs filled with the power of uncertainty and potential. And then they are born as humans- starting out with truly blank roots, no outside influence offering them good or bad luck. 

Starting from the first lifetime, all decisions they make are important as it determines their next lives. The more giving and loving they are in their previous life, the more luxurious and pleasant their next lives come to be, as they are blessed with luck by the heavens. Even those that seem to start from a tragedy, it wouldn’t be too hard to survive and thrive. People would adore them, they would find themselves more attuned with the world, and ultimately whatever field they endeavored in, they would find themselves succeeding.

In turn, the more wretched and hateful a person is in his previous life, the more the heaven casts him out with luck against him. They may be born in a wealthy family- but if you wait longer, then you will find that their only choice is to fall deeper into disgrace with evil, fight fire with fire so to say- or to suffer the fall and endure pain to gain heaven’s blessings again.

Both would face harder and harder trials in each passing cycle of life- yet, for those with heaven on their side, passing such trials would not be that hard a task, and they would gain even greater benefits if they are sincere. Yet to those who are hated by the heavens, they may only turn to more evil to mitigate the luck that deems them betrayed, failed, loathed by even those that they may trust with their life.

With each passing life, a human’s soul either cracks or repairs. To those who persevere, who manage to mend their ways, who somehow are in heaven’s good grace- their souls are instantly taken to heaven the moment their tenth and final cycle ends. To those whose souls are broken and filled with hatred, well. They are disposed of, turned into demons. 

Most of the time though, souls at the end of their cycles are broken down and remade into new ones. He’s never heard of any exception to the rules of the game they’re all bound by.

And as for him? Jimin is one of the few demons who became one even before his ten cycles were completed. It’s what gives him his reputation, his power.

Yes. As a demon, he’s quite familiar with the system. He’s familiar with all the types of humans in different stages, different cycles of their lives. It’s easy for him to realize, with a glance, the state of their soul. Not even their reactions faze him anymore. After all- you can only listen to one too many screams and whimpers, before they lose the thrill, before they become merely annoying. With a glance, he can tell if they are headed to the world above or the one below- yet with yours, it seems as though you belong in both.

It’s a contradiction- you’re a contradiction.

“What kind of lives did you lead before this?” He mutters, a hint of surprise evident from his voice. “I’ve never quite seen a soul like yours before. Never have I met a human who knew about the cycles before, too.”

In response, though, you only laugh quietly, dodging his question. “I’ve lived the best lives, that’s all.”

Jimin’s lips curl up into a bemused smile. “Then I suppose you really indulged yourself in the past?”

“And now the heavens punish me for it,” you agree with a smile. “But I don’t want my last life to end like this.”

With that, you suddenly gesture to the room around the two of you, bringing Jimin’s attention to your state of living.

Jimin frowns as he notices the run down walls, the naked floor, the cracked windows. That’s not even mentioning the bare feel of the room, without much furniture or personal items in any way.

“As you can see,” you explain. “I’m currently down on my last legs.” 

Giving him a nonchalant shrug, you continue. “Estranged family, no friends, no money, not much possessions left… a birth defect that will deare me dead soon enough… with the state of my soul, it seems that there is no changing it in this lifetime either.”

At your last sentence, you fall quiet, but it’s not quite the quiet of despair, but rather- calm acceptance. It intrigues him. With each second that passes by in your presence, Jimin finds himself sensing layers underneath layers in your personality, little things that make you stand out from other humans he’s met before. 

He hums. “Well, YN, I hope you realize it isn’t possible for me to give you the perfect life without a proper price,” he teases you with a lazy smirk, wondering if you’ll notice his lie. “Seventy five years of a human’s life, one that’s evidently been marked against by heaven too, it doesn’t seem like one that offers me much power. At most, I could give you a year.”

And yet you only shrug a little. “I figured that might be so,” you admit. “I… I think I just want a better life, in any way I can get it.”

He lets out a chuckle at your words. “If a better life is what you want, that you want to repent, I believe you’ve summoned the wrong entity,” he muses. “After all, with a soul like yours, even an angel could be persuaded into helping you.”

You scoff. “If I wanted to repent, which I don’t, I never would have summoned you.”

“I just... I just want to make the last years of my life worth living,” you clarify, voice becoming wistful. “Rather than live a lifetime like this… I’d much rather use the rest of what I have for a moment of happiness.”

“I won’t ask much from you. I don’t want to stand out too much anyway, humans can be just as troublesome as devils and angels.” You huff wryly at that, fidgeting with your hands. “I just need you to-” for the first time, you falter, a noticeable blush coloring your cheeks, but you go forth anyway, “-stay by my side.”

“At all times. I mean- to ensure I am happy and safe at all times, for at least a year, keep my disease at bay,” you add, at a point almost stammering. Still.

Jimin blinks. Looks at you. Twice. Waits for you to continue- to rescind your words,  to say something. Yet you continue to stay silent, eyes not quite meeting him but peeking at him anyway, and he-

Jimin erupts into laughter, loud and long, practically falling over himself at that. “You want me to- stay with you, protect you, heal you and oversee that you are always happy, that’s your wish, human?”

You huff, making a snippy comment, "I don't believe you can heal, which is why I'm only asking you to keep the pain away," but you nod your head without a hesitation. 

Jimin grins. “You really are daring, aren’t you? Aren’t you afraid to bring heaven’s wrath down on you? Asking a demon for protection and healing! For happiness- and I doubt what you’re asking is the one that you can gain from materials or other humans.”

You scoff. “I’m not afraid of heaven,” you deadpan, brows furrowing as the solemnity of your voice, coupled with the tight look on your face makes him smirk. Daring, indeed. “And- do you really believe an angel would grant this wish?”

His lips curl into a smirk. The answer to that is something that you obviously know as well. No, an angel would never.

Seemingly satisfied with his silence, taking it for compliance, you take a step back towards him. 

At this close a distance, for the first time of the night, he fully takes you in. And- truly, although he doesn’t know what standard of beauty humans have at the present, even with the faint, bluish hue to the tips of your body that he now notices, Jimin thinks you’d fit any and all requirements to be considered being able to bewitch one’s soul at a glance. Not him, though, as a demon.

“So,” you murmur, a slight smile visible on your face. “Do we have a deal? Seventy five years of life, in exchange for a year of living however I want.”

“Deal,” he purrs, tilting your head down to seal your transaction. As his plush lips glide over your own, he whispers, light and teasing. “I truly hope you don’t regret it.”

With his eyes closed, Jimin fails to see the way your face flashes with an unknown emotion. “I know I won’t,” you murmur just before he fully claims your lips for a moment.

•• ━━━━━ ••●•• ━━━━━ ••

After that starts his deal with you, and Jimin is given all the time in the world to realize- that yes, you truly are one of the weirdest humans he’s ever met, much less made a deal with.

The first evidence to that is perhaps the morning after the night of his summoning.

As a demon, he never had the need for sleep. However, after signing the contract, you’d immediately claimed to be exhausted, heading straight towards your bed. With that, he took upon it himself to first examine the state of your apartment, and to verify your past. Well, this cycle’s past, anyway.

What he finds only deepens the mystery that is you in his mind.

Twenty three years old as of today (he’s amused that you summon him, a demon, on your birthday, of all days), YN LN. Congenital birth defect. Living family, however, there’s a record of abuse towards you, particularly from your parents. Still, the charges were dropped, and the records erased. Most likely because your family is influential and rich. No friends, none that can be called upon in times of need, anyway. No lover, of course. 

You also have a brief history of showing great skills, particularly academic wise. It’s baffling how you've come this low, if you remember your past lives. Luck plays a huge part in living, yes, but so does skill and it does not seem as though you are lacking in that in any way.

Not to mention, your personality. You are- brave. Or perhaps fearless is the right word. You do not panic in unknown situations, and you are clearly quite intelligent. Witty as well. Skilled, and experienced.

And yet.

You truly hold no wealth or money under your name, and you are without a job too. More than that, you live in the shady part of town, in a dilapidated apartment.

"... I can't wait to discover your secrets," Jimin cheerfully announces as he takes a seat at the table. Placed on it are food that you've cooked, and he's more than curious to try it out. Though he doesn't need to eat, he's never been one to deny himself of any pleasure, and food is no exception.

You hum in response. "Well, good luck with that. Although I'm not telling you anything."

"You will," he assuredly tells you. "It's only a matter of time."

He hears you snort, before diverting your attention back to your food. "... I hope you like it."

Jimin has high standards. Or, rather, humans have very low standards for what they see as delicious, which is understandable considering that most never leave their cities, much less their countries to sample other foods.

Still, there’s something about the hotteok you offer him that brings him comfort. He takes one bite- and a part of him is already impressed. 

"It's passable," he admits, amused when he sees the way your mood suddenly seems to become happier. 

For a moment, silence reigns in the room as the two of you as you eat breakfast. 

A moment like this- it's rather nice. Compared to the screams and flames that fill hell with noise, the murmur of the city outside, in a time where the world still holds a small piece of quiet, Jimin finds himself relaxing a little.

Still, all too soon the food is gone and the conversation starts again.

“Truly, it astounds me, how those who heaven is frustrated with are bound to the worst lives," he finally remarks as he takes another look around at your apartment. In the light of the day, its inadequacies are only made more apparent. The wallpaper peeling off the walls, the faulty pipes that offer you poor water, rusty doors that creak noisily and the cracks in the walls and floor that are damp with water. No doubt would they leak if there is rain. “I will have you move to a more suitable lodging. This one is not fit for a human in a deal with a being like me, much less one that is fit to house a demon like me.” The distaste in his tone is pronounced.

He misses the smile on your face, hidden behind the cup of tea you’re drinking.

“I’ve made plans for you to win the lottery,” he announces.

“I refuse.” You bluntly say, before adding. “Sorry.”

Jimin frowns. “Why not,” he crosses his arms. “Would you then prefer to live in a place like this?”

“I don’t,” you deadpan. “However, winning the lottery would make people suspicious of us, and I’m pretty sure there are people who would target me for the money.”

“Are you doubting my ability to protect you?”

“I’m not. I just don’t want to deal with having to be protected in the first place.” At your words, something in your tone changes for a moment, and Jimin frowns. Sensing the sudden fall of your mood, he opts to acquiesce.

“Your family is quite well off, isn’t it? And you aren’t close to them in the slightest... I could arrange their deaths and leave you with their riches,” he offers quickly, not really meaning it- just wanting to keep your mind off whatever thoughts you found yourself in.

“For the same reason as the first, no,” you refuse. “Angels would notice, and that would be troublesome.”

“A contest?” Jimin drinks his tea while he waits for you to consider his proposal, internally pleased with your skills in cooking. It doesn’t come close to renowned chefs, but there’s something about your food that makes him feel happy, and safe. The way you’ve acted so far… the lack of fear, the familiarity… perhaps you’ve dealt with demons in your past lives? It’s certainly a possibility. “I can acknowledge your skills with food.”

You smile for a brief moment, but all the same, it’s laced with the same emotions as before. Grief and longing.

“... Thank you,” you reply after a  moment, although you shake your head after. “But I don’t want the fame that comes with it. … I’ve had enough of it.”

Left over feelings from a previous cycle then. Jimin nods, finally letting out a sigh. “Well then,” he grumbles. “I suppose that leaves me no choice.”

“Human-”

“YN,” you interrupt him, gaze not particularly on him, but the tone of your voice firm. “Call me YN. Please.”

“... YN, how do you fancy a game of poker?”

•• ━━━━━ ••●•• ━━━━━ ••

Six hours later, YN is a man richer by several hundred thousand dollars. And as Jimin feels the cold air of the night meet him as they step outside, he has to suppress the giggles building up inside him. There’s nothing quite like being in a casino, surrounded by danger and despair hidden beneath the veneer of luxury and temptation. Nothing quite like the faces revealed to them as he deceives foolish humans, especially when they believe they’re about to win- and then, just like that, the victory is taken away from them. It’s all quite hilarious, really.

“You seem quite happy,” he hears you remark. Spinning around gracefully, Jimin grins at you. 

“What’s not there to be happy about?" He smoothly retorts. "I've gambled to my heart's content, and you are richer than you expected. This has been a productive evening."

He's about to tell you exactly why casinos are amazing, when he notices the man standing around the corner. 

Jimin's smile falls.

Clad in simple but fashionable clothes, the handsome face and sculptured body would have been a cause for getting mobbed by humans, not just girls, but also boys.

However, he's standing alone.

He may be without his wings, but there is no mistaking the holy aura that surrounds him, evidently sensed by even humans, as none dare to approach him. 

Crossing his arms, Jimin sends Taehyung a sharp look, the frown on his face all too visible. He instinctively pulls you behind him, not wanting you to get taken away by the self righteous sanctimonious angel. "Taehyung."

His name rolls off Jimin's like a curse, but it's as if Taehyung doesn't hear him, or he doesn't care.

In fact, the only assurance Jimin has that Taehyung has seen them is the way that he looks up- before freezing, the surprise all too visible as his eyes dart from you, to him. For a moment he sees something flash in his eyes- before it dies down, and like Jimin, he frowns deeply. He takes a step forward, towards you, but Jimin pulls you back as well, restoring the distance between the two of you and him.

"What are you doing with him?" Taehyung's jaw is clenched, a sure sign that he's angry, if the way his eyebrows are knitted aren't enough. "Let go of him." What more, the way he bites out his words.

“Let go of who, my human?” Jimin sneers, arm holding you close against him. A lazy smirk arises on his face as he meets Taehyung’s eyes and sees the sparks of anger inside. “You aren’t in any position to warn me away from him, angel, seeing as he called for me on his own.”

“Although it is quite intriguing for you to take so much interest in a human,” he taunts. “To go so far as having a personal meeting with him… why? Have you fallen in love?”

“YN.”

Instead of responding to Jimin's words, Taehyung turns to you, worried countenance seemingly pleading with you. 

“Taehyung,” you softly reply. It makes a part of Jimin annoyed, for some reason. The first time he hears you like this- and it's for an angel.  “It’s my choice.” 

Still the other does not back down, and you add with a helpless sigh. “Please.”

If possible, the angel's fury grows at your words. Not to you, though, but perhaps for him. For a moment, Jimin readies himself to fight- even if he doesn't know why the angel sees you as someone close enough to personally protect, more than the view of heaven treasuring a potential asset, he's determined not to give you up. You are a mystery he wants to unravel himself, after all. And it'd be another way to oppose the angel. 

Still, soon enough even that diminishes, until the angel's face is blank and seemingly uncaring.

“If you know what’s good for him and for you, you would leave,” he glowers at Jimin. And then he faces you and his face immediately softens. “I’ll try to plead with them.”

“There's no need for that,” you shake your head, a small smile on your face. “... But thank you.”

And with a nod of his head, the angel disappears, and the two of you are alone, again.

"Well," you sigh. "That was an experience."

Jimin turns to you, pinning you down (or rather, trying to) with a look. Still you remain calm under his gaze.

"An angel," he states, the question there all the same.

You only shrug at him, a playful smile on your smile as you start walking down the road. "A secret. Come on, I want to eat at a proper restaurant. Feels like it's been forever since I got to eat good food."

Jimin follows behind you dutifully, but it doesn't erase the suspicion in his heart.

•• ━━━━━ ••●•• ━━━━━ ••

"So, YN” he starts as he watches you stroll through the aisles of clothing.

At this moment, the day after your casino outing, your first plan of action had apparently been to head to the mall and acquire new clothing. While Jimin personally thinks that there are other places, other things that you could handle first-

“Where do you think I should go then?” The sarcastic tone in your voice is loud. “The hospital? What’s the point of getting treated if, after this year, my conditions still stay the same? Maybe you’ve forgotten the state of my soul.”

“My old family? Oh, to make amends. Unfortunately I hate their guts with a passion,” you continue, making him fall silent with how suddenly the words seem to spill out of your mouth. Your face is set in a tightly neutral look, but the bitterness is easy for him to see.

“A job for after then? What’s the use? As with my condition, this cursed, rotten luck will ensure that I never truly succeed without dirtying my hands. And while I don’t mind it, it’s just too troublesome.”

“I just want to live my life the way I want to, without other people fucking butting in for once.”

There’s an intense look in your eyes then. There’s a history behind that sentence that Jimin can easily see. It can’t be from this life, so it definitely must be from your previous ones. Still, for once, he can’t help but wonder just what exactly it was like, for you to react like that.

“The mall it is, then,” Jimin hums with an easy smile, pressing his body closer to you. Since that little moment when he was first summoned, he’s noticed that he has quite the amusing effect on you whenever he goes near- your cheeks reddening, body stiffening for a moment, eyes darting away- it’s clear that on some level, even though you try to hide it, you find him attractive. Which really isn’t a surprise.

Even now, he sees you bite the inside of your cheek, angry look easing down.

And that was that.

“What is your requirement for,” he pauses, mulling the word over in his head, “‘happiness’? Is there anything in particular that you want? … I doubt you’d be one to wish for the typical.”

You pause from your steps, looking up from the rack of clothes.

The answering smirk that he spots on your face only confirms his words. “Well, I was hoping you’d answer that question,” the hint of cheer in your tone makes him look at you with even more surprise.

“... Me?” Jimin repeats. Your smile grows and you turn back to the matter at hand. In your hands.

“Give me a year of fun that can rival even more than my past lives,” you challenge him brazenly, although your attention is seemingly only on the clothes that you’ve picked. With a scowl, Jimin stalks over to you.

“And you believe I can provide you with that?” He dodges your challenge, raising an eyebrow.

“I’m curious as to what a demon enjoys,” you nonchalantly say. “Aside from casinos, that is.”

Jimin suddenly has the urge to sigh, his face falling at once, but it seems you pick up on it.

“I mean… aren’t you a demon?” you grin at him unabashedly. “Are you seriously telling me, that in all the years you’ve been a demon, you’re still surprisingly-”

He has a bad feeling about this.

“-pure?” You chortle at that word, and Jimin bristles.

“I’m not,” he instantly denies, lips pushing up. “It’s only that your wish was for me to protect you and keep you happy, however, why should that mean that I become your… your…" He pouts even harder, "... your helper?"

“Because that was our deal,” you say simply, before throwing him a look, a hint of mischief in your expression. “But there’s no shame if you can't do it. After all, it's not usually what a demon is summoned for, is it?" 

Jimin crosses his arms.

"And if I choose a dangerous place? If none of what I choose brings you any enjoyment?"

"Well, if I remember, part of the deal was for you to protect me. And it’s alright, we’ve got a whole year to play around with!" With that said, you finally turn back to look at him with a pleasant smile, holding up a jacket to your frame. “How about it? Do I look good?”

“Put down that clothing for one moment,” he bites out, annoyed. “And listen to me?”

“Don’t want to,” you blithely reply. “Besides, I’ve already made the decision. You can’t make me change my mind.”

There’s an obstinacy that your stance conveys all too well, and goddamn you’re such a brat. When you refuse to look back at him, he grabs your arm, pulling your body to finally face in his direction. When you still keep your gaze locked away from him, he uses his other hand to tilt your head up firmly but gently. 

In this distance of less than a foot, he looks you in the eye and asserts himself.

“I am not a toy, nor am I your butler,” he tells you slowly, but with a weight in his words. “I am a demon. If you know that, then you should know not to treat me like we’re anything like friends, as I assure you, it is only a mistake. And one that will cost you your life.”

You bare your teeth at him, eyes suddenly clear of any emotion. “And so?” You demand, pulling him closer in turn, a strange pressure present in your tone. It makes him tremble, an unknown emotion building up inside him. Annoying, frustrating, maddening. You’re the strangest human he’s ever met. “You say that like you believe that will somehow change anything.”

It’s not fair. Why do you have this effect on him?

He opens his mouth to speak-

But then he catches your expression change slightly. There is a brief flash of pain on your face, and the heavier breathing alerting him to your condition. Barely does a second pass before your legs tremble and Jimin spurs into action.

Jimin immediately maneuvers you to fall into his arms as your legs give way, leaving you to collapse on him, your chest falling and rising with increasing tempo. 

“Someone dares to harm my charge,” he swears under his breath, immediately spreading out his power to sweep through the nearby areas, but to no avail. There are only humans around, ignorant humans, so-?

“It-” you shudder as you struggle to breathe, your voice coming out as a croak. “Heart-”

-of course. Your congenital birth defect. 

He places one hand against your body, the magic in his veins directing, telling him that your disease is acting up again. Although a little awkward, he directs his magic through the nerves in your body, cutting off the pain and easing up the exhaustion of your body. Jimin isn’t an expert in the workings of the human body, but he at least knows enough to figure out how to temporarily ease and solve the problem at hand.

When he feels your breathing slow down, body relaxing, melting to his own- only then does Jimin allow himself to finally stop worrying.

“Don’t you humans have more regard for your life? Isn’t it human instinct to want to survive, or is your brain just that broken?” He hisses, glaring at you when you purse your lips, the very picture of stubbornness.

Still, when you speak, he’s forced to listen.

“... The moment I summoned you,” you say quietly as you press yourself closer to him. If anyone were to see the two of you now, they’d assume you were lovers embracing each other, the fleeting thought races into his mind. “I knew what I was getting into. I place my life in your hands. I trust your hands to take care of it.”

“After all,” you continue. “what else is there to live for?” 

“Besides, it’s only for a year. After that, you’re free to do whatever you want with my soul.” And then do you smoothly pull away from him, earlier weakness gone, the clothes you’d been trying on in one hand as you make your way to the counter. “Choose something you like. We have the money for it anyway.”

•• ━━━━━ ••●•• ━━━━━ ••

After that starts what might be Jimin’s craziest deal yet. Fully committed to live your remaining year of life your way, you have no qualms about using the contract to make him submit and follow your tems.

What’s even more infuriating is the way you do it. Sure, he could easily get mad, as a demon there is pride in his bones that cannot be easily handled, but you somehow manage to avoid that. When you talk to him, your tone is always light and playful, teasing, ever so confident. You don’t bow to him, like some of the humans he’d met who knew him and his power, but neither do you assume yourself to be the better of him, ignorant and drunk on power. For a lack of a better word, even after everything he’s done to you, you treat him as an equal.

“I feel exhausted.”

“I don’t want to hear that from you, considering I was the one who carried all our luggage.”

After that event at the mall, the two of you decided on a plan. 

A year’s worth of time, several hundred thousand dollars and absolutely no responsibility left to hold you down anywhere. Jimin didn’t know where to start, who the fuck would ask a demon to guide them? No one in their right mind would. 

Except you, that is. Infuriating you.

“It’s not my fault I’m not as strong as you,” you dramatically sigh as you flop on the bed.

Jimin snaps the lock on the suitcase a little harder than he intends.

Still, when he’d been practically browbeaten into accepting your deals, you’d offered him a piece of advice.

“I’m alright with anything you want to do. … Isn’t there something you wished you could do here? I don’t imagine a demon can spend so much time aboveground, the same way angels don’t linger here.”

So here the two of you were, on a trip around the world. 

“Maybe not,” he mutters under his breath, “but getting here would have been done much faster if it weren’t for you almost fainting in the middle of the damn street.”

“I didn’t think it was that serious,” is your blithe reply.

Starting from Japan, to Philippines, to a week in a country of your choosing, sometimes more, sometimes less, the two of you have gone in several different countries, trying out food, experiencing the vividly different cultures, learning about famous landmarks and basically touring around. All things that Jimin (if only to himself) admits that he enjoys, especially with your company. 

Choosing this particular plan is perhaps a mix of his own desires and an assumption. Almost every human had the desire to travel the world, didn’t they? Even you, with your past lives, would have to enjoy it.

He just didn’t expect how much he himself would have fun as well.

“You,” he sighs, “are completely hopeless.”

“But you’re still here with me, aren’t you?”

Perhaps that’s why three months later, as the two of you are checking in into your hotel rooms, he finds himself… being more gentle (not fussing, not, he would never fuss or truly worry about you, he’s a demon for fuck’s sake) with you, especially after you’ve just experienced another one of your episodes.

Three months with you, and Jimin’s become accustomed with you being… well, you. 

When you mention something clearly ridiculous (who asks a demon to dye his hair? Just because you are doesn’t mean he should, and why would he know how to?), to doing something ridiculous (he didn’t really need that stuffed toy. Really), to just about almost collapsing from overexerting your body in your excitement (the most annoying thing about it perhaps may be the fact that you don’t even seem to care that you’re in pain, just that you can’t move as your body refuses to listen to you), he slowly becomes used to handling you. Reading you, learning to take care of you.

He doesn’t understand it himself, even as he slowly recognizes that maybe, just maybe, he’s started caring for you more than he should. More than he wanted to, far more than he ever thought he would.

He accepted the deal because you were a mystery he wanted to unravel, but as each day passes, he finds your existence to be more than enough reason for him to stay.

“I keep telling you to take better care of yourself,” he scolds you as you lie down on the bed, eagle-spread. Still you remain completely at ease, complacent look on your face and body relaxed. If not for the way that you eye him with amusement, Jimin would assume you’re not listening to him at all. As it is, he fixes you with a glare. “I’m not all-encompassing, you know. All I can do is take the pain away and temporarily fix your body’s failure.”

“That’s more than enough for me,” you cheerfully exclaim. Jimin aggressively unpacks the clothes in the dresser in response, grumbling under his breath. No matter how much he practically insults you into taking care of yourself, you always shrug off his words.

“What kind of human are you? Don’t you want to live?”

“Of course I want to live,” you immediately reply, before yawning. “But I don’t want to live it in a hospital.” 

“Anyway, this current life is good enough for me. As long as I’m happy, I don’t care what happens to my body,” you quietly laugh, as if there is a joke hidden somewhere in your words that Jimin has failed to see. “Now, won’t you kiss the pain away?”

He sighs even as he looks over you, scanning you for any signs that your disease has flared up again. You wink at him in turn and he snaps his head around, annoyed at you. “You’re ridiculous.”

“Says the one who took me to Disney World. A demon taking a human to Disney World, can you think of anything more ridiculous than that?”

The clothes in his hand almost slip from him as he splutters. Red flashes in his cheeks as he whirls around to glare (read: pout) at you. “You had fun! … Didn’t you?”

“Of course I did,” you agree with a small smile. “I’m pretty sure I had the most fun there, even if you were the one screaming your head off while we rode the rollercoaster.” Jimin’s face reddens even more at the reminder, while you chuckle at his reaction. “Though you lost all your dignity for a moment.”

“If you can make jokes like that, then I know you’re feeling alright already,” he glowers. “Go on and get some rest.”

“Yes sir,” you mock salute him, before shutting your eyes and falling asleep just like that. Jimin sighs, and then pulls up the sheets to your chin. 

•• ━━━━━ ••●•• ━━━━━ ••

“Why does he like to visit you so fucking much?” He asks, maybe a little more aggressively than he likes. Still, it’s very much justified in his opinion. Taehyung stops by way too often, dropping by at least once a week, if not even more. It aggravates him to no end, to see the angel dare to get close to what Jimin has marked as his. “Does he not have anything else to do, or is heaven really that idle?”

His irritation only deepens as your lips quirk up in amusement.

“He’s just checking up on me.”

“What he is is being a nuisance and an overall pest. The urge to swat him down like the fly that he is rises up every time he appears.”

He hears you snort with laughter beside him.

“Pfft! Geez, alright. Instead of thinking about that, why don’t you look over this with me?”

He feels you lean on his shoulder, the phone’s screen showing your possible next destination.

“As long as that fly doesn’t dare to appear, I’m fine with wherever.”

“So you don’t mind missing out on the music festival in England for some other place then-?”

“I never said that,” he glares at you, pout on full display, ignoring your snickers. “Give me that phone.”

“Yes, yes, here you go.”

•• ━━━━━ ••●•• ━━━━━ ••

It takes him five months- almost half of the time he’s dedicated to your deal- before he asks you about the question he’s always wanted to know the answer to, the curiosity backed up by the fact that you probably will answer him. Hopefully.

Five months, and with every little thing he manages to glean about you, there comes another question to replace it. The skills he can easily guess to be remnants of your past lives, far off gazes reminiscing old memories, the unbothered attitude the accumulation of lives lived and lost.

Not to mention the way you always seem so... sad. Yes, perhaps that’s the best way to describe it. You hide it well, but even as you smile, you always seem to be one step saying goodbye. It doesn’t make sense, considering it was your choice to traded away your remaining years. Not to mention, you’ve let it slip that no one from your past lives are still living in the present.

Although.

It’s not as if he cares, not really- besides the fact that you always keep him on his toes, surprising him at ever moment, you’re just like any other human. Actually, you’re even less than that, considering your living conditions.

But time is running out, and if he lets you slip away without even trying, out of fear, then it wouldn’t be like him, now would it? And that won’t do at all.

At this moment, the two of you are sitting on the roof of the cabin you’ve rented out in Swedish Lapland. Something that you both came here to accomplish was seeing an aurora borealis, and as you’re both clad in warm layers of fur, hot chocolate in your flasks as snow surrounds you below and around you and the brilliant flashes of light above you- he can’t help but let his thoughts wander. 

For once Jimin decides to take a step past the line he’s tried to define against you.

“What were your past lives like?” The question slips from him before he can take it back, and he sees you tense up, though you soon cover it up with a befuddled look.

“Hm?”

“You know what I mean,” he pushes. “Even us demons barely remember our human lives, much less a human like you who remembers their past cycles.” 

A flash of heat decorates his cheeks as he sees the light in your eyes fade a little. “.. I was merely curious. It’s alright if you don’t want to-”

“I was the village healer in my first life,” you simply state. Jimin freezes, shocked that you would even reply.

Still, when he sees you turn to him, the look on your face clearly asking him to respond, he clears his throat.

“A healer huh…” he trails off, the image of you in his head becoming clear. “Somehow, I can easily see you as one. … Although it’s a little ironic, considering your current state.”

“Yeah,” you quietly chuckle.  “It was one of my favorites. I had a loving family, and many friends. We had enough to live by ourselves, and the place where we lived was peaceful and beautiful.“ 

“Our village was situated on the mountainside- we were surrounded by this huge forest, and the blue sea below. My daily life started with tending to my patients first, and then to my garden. After that, I’d go into the forest to scavenge wild herbs, and I’d always take the time to appreciate the beautiful scenery. When I got back, I’d start making medicine, and then I’d continue taking care of any patients that came through the door.”

“Sounds like an idyllic life,” Jimin remarks, before adding, “If it were me, I wouldn’t have been able to stand that.” 

“I wouldn’t begrudge you for missing that sort of life. It’s much more simple and easier than the life humans lead nowadays.”

You laugh, the sound full of melancholy even as there is nostalgia in it. “Right? You have the same way of thinking as- as him,” you pause, before your tone changes to a softer, gentler one, full of unspoken feelings. “My best friend. Kindest, most cheerful and helpful angel of our village. He was the son of our chief, but that wasn’t the reason why everyone loved him. We all adored him because he was the brightest part of our lives.”

“You sound overly fond of him.”

“I am.” The way you phrase your words doesn’t escape him as you look him in the eyes. You pause for a moment, before almost whispering the words, though he still hears them. “I will always love him.”

“... Do you?” For some reason, Jimin’s chest feels tight. It’s impossible for it to be like that. His body doesn’t function the same way that a human does, after all, no matter how much it may seem otherwise. Still, the way it suddenly feels as though the breath in him is slowly being stolen away, pain filling in the space left- he hates it. “How did it go, then?”

“How did what go?” You ask him, bemused. He sighs irritably and repeats his question, mixed emotions unknowingly present in his tone.

“You said you love him, so… did you, with him...?”

For a moment, you stare at him in surprise-

- and then you burst into laughter, long and hard. “Pfft! No, we didn’t,” you clarify as you giggle. “I’m sure I don’t have to point it out explicitly, but he was the son of the village chief, and I was just the healer. Besides, we were both men. No one would have approved of it, and it’s not like we could just shrug off the village and run away together.” 

You smile widely, brighter than he’s ever seen you smile before, but Jimin is not blind to the lingering pain inside. “He got married to someone else.”

“... He did? But I remember you saying you were the closest one to him. If he knew-”

“-I never told him,” you shrug, a hollow chuckle slipping out. “It wouldn’t have done anything anyway, except make him miserable.”

It should make him happy. Thinking about this ‘best friend’ of yours who you’re still in love with makes him unnaturally angry, and to know that you have feelings left for a ghost even more. 

Yet in the face of your heartbreak, as much as you try to hide it, Jimin feels sympathy for you instead. He clears his throat, breaking the silence.

“So you spent your life alone, then. While the guy you loved was with someone else?” He shakes his head. “I’m surprised, and yet I’m not.” Only half a year spent with you, and yet he can tell it’s something you would do. “Tell me about your next lives then.”

You smile a little then, recognizing the out he’s giving you. After a brief period of contemplation, you start speaking again.

You tell Jimin vaguely about your previous lives, the previous cycles you’ve gone through. You tell him about the city in your second life, the wandering merchant family you’d been born to and how you were pulled into the trade. You dipping into secret deals, backstabbing and a little manipulation to protect your family from malicious people. Your third life, where you are from a family of low nobles, and your forage into politics to find out who’s your allies and who’s your enemies. All the way up to your eight life, you talk, and talk, and talk, filling up the silence of the night with tales of lives lived so long ago, details lost to history and moments uncaptured but remembered. 

Even as a demon, as old as Jimin may be to the humans, he’s barely as old as you are, if one were to take your first life as your moment of birth. He’s only heard snippets and rumours of dynasties and eras so far down history, nothing can be proven a hundred percent true. Yet in your words, you manage to vividly paint a picture, a window into a world he’s never seen before.

In your eighth life, you tell him about the powerful family you’re born into. About the way your family held you tight, how politics ran deeply and tightly around the city, the powerful dictating the lives of those without, and how you carved a place for yourself into history despite the obstacles in your way.

About the prince you grew up with, the emperor you eventually strived to serve faithfully.

That’s something that he’s noticed is a commonality with every lifetime of yours. There is always the presence of this other person. Some lifetimes, they are your childhood friend and others they come late into your life. Their personality often varies, and so do your relationship, but several things always remain the same.

You and them are partners in some sense of the word.

They are in a position of power higher than yours.

You are close to them, devoted to them, perhaps even in love with them, although it never leads to anything tangible in the end.

“That sounds like a tedious life,” he quietly comments as you tell him about the banquet you’d been forced to attend, the beautiful but dry and cold food. “It doesn’t seem like one you’d like, but let me guess, this lifetime around he was the emperor, wasn’t he?”

To your point, you don’t ask him what he’s talking about. A bitter smile alights on your lips instead as you consider his question.

You huff. “Yeah. It’s kinda obvious, isn’t it? He was the emperor’s son in that lifetime,” you admit. “I helped him battle his siblings and gain the throne.” 

“But if you’re wondering... as I’m sure you know, relationships between the emperor and the officials are forbidden.” You look away from him then, eyes going back up to the northern lights above, though neither of you have been paying attention to it since the conversation started. “I was already pretty controversial in that time.”

He raises an eyebrow. “How?”

“Secret~” you smirk. He frowns at you, rolling his eyes- and you giggle.

“... I can’t understand how your soul became like that,” he grumbles. “How the hell do you have a soul that’s both pure and not? More than that, how is it that you happen to be reborn together and in almost the same circumstance in every life? It’s as though you’re tied together.”

You laugh, although it’s tinged with sadness. “... if I ever find out how, maybe I’ll tell you someday.”

He only rolls his eyes. “You will.”

The resounding laughter he hears from you makes it worth it. Still...

“Where is he in this lifetime, then?” He finally asks. Surely, if this person who you’ve met and waited for in every cycle has been part of your life without fail, then, surely, he has to have appeared in this one as well, right?

Although he thinks they don’t deserve you, but they obviously make you happy, and… you’re just about the only human Jimin thinks deserves that word the most. Happiness. He hasn’t seen you truly happy even just once, and it’s not as if he cares, no. But you made the deal with him to enjoy your last life, didn’t you?

You fall silent at his question, lips struggling to hold the smile on your face. When it doesn’t work, you take a deep breath, and then turn to him. “... Who knows? If he’s out there, alive… I just hope he’s happy.”

Jimin hisses at that.

“Asshole,” he furiously mutters. “After everything you sacrificed for him, you should get to have your own happiness too. If I ever see him, I’ll-”

You interrupt his angry tirade with laughter, warm and isn’t it funny how that single action seems to be more effective at keeping the cold away than the drink in his hands?

“Being with him was what already made me happy,” you smile. “But thank you.”

He pouts, wracking his mind for words to not only keep your smile afloat but to show you how worthless the person you’ve endured heartache for is. “... I wouldn’t leave you to suffer alone.”

“I know,” you coo at him, smile becoming a smirk.

“Because of our deal,” he hurriedly clarifies, the tips of his ears burning red as you lean on his shoulder. Jimin feels his body stiffen as the weight of your head on his side registers. He doesn’t want to push you away- but damn it if this isn’t something he’s ever done, and is familiar with before. 

Your fingers intertwine with his, bringing with them affection and comfort, and he finally calms down with a huff. “... I-I made a deal with you, after all.”

“Yeah, I know,” you repeat, obviously struggling to hold back your laughter.  “Thank you.”

“... As long as you know.”

That night ends with the two of you spending far more time than you should out in the cold, no matter that it’s the rooftop of your cabin. The aurora lights last all night long, the beautiful glows of colors dissipating and blending into the rosy colors of the morning sky, a beautiful sight that even Jimin has to appreciate as he sees it from the bedroom’s window.

If only you would wake up from your slumber, you could see it too. Still, he isn’t too keen on waking you up in any way, much less shoving your body away from him. 

… Even if your body is a little too cold than he likes.

•• ━━━━━ ••●•• ━━━━━ ••

It’s in his seventh month of being with you that he slowly realizes something. As the cherry blossoms die, autumn leaves falling and snow coating the world in white, he realizes that maybe, just maybe, he’s let you come a little too close, a little too familiar with this heart.

At first he looked forward to knowing your secrets, but it’s infuriating to realize that even as much as he gets to know about you, it’s surprisingly not enough. He wants more. It never feels enough- whether it be your secrets, your attention, or maybe just you.

Not to mention he’s never had reason to stay so long as he has in the human realm, and not so close to anyone, moreso his human. Perhaps that’s part of the reason why it takes him so long to realize.

The way that it dawns on him too is frustrating- the thought instantly settling in his mind when he sees you flash one of your rare smiles at him. Mid-afternoon, as you stir the tea in your hand, the sunlight almost seeming to cover you with an ethereal glow as you sit with your back against the window. 

For once, you’re the one filling the silence, chuckling over incidents that happened as the two of you went to see the parade earlier that day. The memory of you watching the performers decked beautifully in white facepaint, skull masks and roses, and elaborate clothing, with an awed look on your face… the thought of it makes him smile unconsciously and you catch it.

“Are you smiling?” You raise an eyebrow at him, bemused. “I didn’t know you liked the parade that much, you wanted to join.”

Red flares up in his cheeks when your words sink in. “What. I- I wasn’t smiling! I was just- thinking.”

You give him a skeptical look, eyes travelling from feet to head, before you hide a very visible smirk behind your cup of tea. “Huh. Must’ve been a wonderful thought, if it made you smile so easily like that,”  you tease him. “... It’s nice seeing you smile more often these days.”

Do I? He wonders. You’re all that fills his head these days, from your ridiculous antics and decisions, the unfathomable way of thinking you have, the way you so easily see him and read him. Does he really smile that much, when you’re the only thing he thinks about so much?

Do the thoughts of you really make him happy, enough to the point that he’s always smiling?

You offer him a warm grin. “I’m glad. I worried I was the only one enjoying this deal, after all.”

… He’s fucked.

After that, it takes a miracle (heh) to act the same as before, to pretend that nothing is going on. After all, it’s not as if he can confess his love for you, can he? He isn’t even sure if it’s love that he feels- can demons even feel that emotion? 

But the truth is, now that he’s aware of just how much exactly you mean to him, it’s hard not that smile a little too much when you get the pleased look in your eyes, to keep the laughter at bay when you make a mistake and pout just the tiniest little bit, sulking, to generally just not let you catch on that everything you do is making him feel like holding you close as much and as long as his heart demands.

He can’t. He shouldn’t. He wants you, and he’s never had a problem with taking what he’s set his sights on before. But you aren’t like anything else he’s collected. You aren’t a toy he wants to play around with, nor are you a rare item he wants to keep locked up. You’re someone he treasures, and while he has no doubt he’s charming and powerful, that on some level, you’re attracted to him, that’s not enough to make you choose him.

At least, not enough for you to pick him over them.

Not if you chased them across literal lifetimes, if you’ve spent lifetimes dedicated to them.

Even now, when he approaches the subject, he can feel you distance yourself from him. He’s torn.

Jimin watches you, a smile of his own appearing.

I don’t want to push it and push him away for good.

But.

I really want to get past this wall.

… It’s fine though. There’s still time. There’s still time to make you change your mind, to love him too. He’ll make sure of it. After all, whoever he is is long gone, and Jimin is the one in front of you and beside you at all times. Something is bound to change.

•• ━━━━━ ••●•• ━━━━━ ••

“You’re much more agreeable these days.”

Walking side by side, he thinks that it would be more than easy to reach across and hold your hand in his. Instead, he raises an eyebrow at you and pushes those thoughts out of his mind.“And? You aren’t complaining, are you?”

You chuckle. He averts his gaze, feeling a little blinded. “No, not really. Just an observation. Does this mean you won’t mind the festival tomorrow? It’ll be messy, after all. And not in the way you like.”

He grumbles. “... I suppose so. It’s not like I have a choice, anyway, so why not?”

•• ━━━━━ ••●•• ━━━━━ ••

The days pass, and the cold becomes unbearable. It burrows under his skin, surrounding his body that not even human clothes can keep away. Especially at night, when the temperature is at its lowest, does he find himself shivering. Although admittedly, it’s much better than how it was months ago, now that the seasons are shifting into spring, it’s still bad for his health.

At least that’s what he tells you, any extension himself, as you continue to share one bed. You are his responsibility, but in the line of thinking Jimin is someone under your care too, as you are both partners. Therefore, it only makes sense for you to share warmth with him by cuddling (read: spooning, you’d been the one to bring it up after a very embarrassed Jimin almost stomped off, although you never mentioned the implications wrapped around it) with you.

In your arms, your scent surrounds him, legs thrown over his own, your hair soft on his cheek. Moments like this are hard to come by, but that just makes him savor every one of them even more.

Under the darkness of the room, minutes after you’ve agreed to turn off the lights and go to sleep, he finds himself whispering, wondering if you’ll reply.

“Aren’t you scared to die? … Is it really that terrible, to be confined in a hospital?”

Your response is short, tone even, but the way you tighten your hold on him says everything.“I’m more scared to not have lived.”

“And honestly… I can’t stand the somber atmosphere in hospitals. I never have, and I never will.”

Months ago, he wouldn’t even have entertained sharing a bed with a human, much less cuddle with one. But these days, Jimin finds he can’t ever sleep without the uneven beat of your heart lulling him to sleep.

He’s become spoiled with your presence.

“I’ll give you the best two months of your life,” he mumbles before correcting himself. “... Lifetimes.”

“Really now,” you hum, a yawn escaping you near the end, “I’m looking forward to it then.”

“Don’t give me those perfunctory words,” he gripes. “I mean it.”

“I know,” you adjust your position, just so that Jimin is pulled close, close, closer to you. WHe can hear the faint beating of your heart even louder, the miniscule warmth of your body a familiar blanket over his own. “... I’m just really tired right now. Can we go to sleep?”

Jimin finally yawns too, feeling exhaustion wash over him as you accept his declaration. “... Alright, fine. Good night, YN.”

•• ━━━━━ ••●•• ━━━━━ ••

But everything good has to come to an end. It isn’t an opinion, but rather a fact, and Jimin is only reminded of this just as the seasons start to shift back to spring, the year coming to its last month.

The way it happens is not even anything gradual, or perhaps it is, but he’s long chosen to ignore it. Because he’s been able to handle it so far, so it should be okay, right? If it’s for you, he’s willing to dole out his magic freely for your sake, so, you’d be alright no matter what, right?

But the way you suddenly collapse on the sidewalk tells him otherwise.

There’s barely a few seconds of warning, maybe one or two. Jimin can’t really tell. All he can remember is how you were walking side by side under the warm weather, enjoying the sun him telling you to take a break at the next cafe over, your laughter ringing out-

-before you fall over, just like that, your legs and arms painfully stiff, you almost crashing onto the asphalt if it weren’t for him catching you in his arms.

“J-Jimin,” you instantly choke out his name, the blue tint of your skin becoming stronger as the words fail to leave you, leaving you gasping and clutching your chest. He isn’t as worried at first, thinking that he only has to fix your failing heart again, but-

No. Your blood won’t move. It won’t close.

He tries again, his hand clutching you tighter this time as if to respond to the panic slowly rising up inside of him, but- still. It’s as if your body is rejecting him, the magic being blocked out, unable to enter you-

“No-”

-and he can only uselessly hold you in his arms, you getting closer to dying with every moment that he wastes-

“No, no, n-no-” he stammers.“YN, hang in there-”

Again and again, he keeps trying, trying to push your body to do something, but no, nothing.

From thereon, it’s a blur. He remembers that he can call the hospital, and scrambling for his phone, he immediately punches the numbers in, though his hands shake with every passing second. 

“9-911, help, please-” he chokes out, “please help, m-my YN, he’s- he’s-”

“Sir, can you please give us your location?” The voice that answers him is quick, urgent, but focused, and how can they be focused when you’re bent over, convulsing in pain-?

“I-I can’t-” he stammers, the address muddled in his head. Though he then looks around, searching for landmarks to give the other person. “W-We’re in front of the entrance to the Keukenhof Gardens.“

He fails to hear what they say, the only words standing out in his head that they’re coming. 

It should amaze him, later on, how at this moment all the panic seems to melt away and not, leaving him shaking but able to speak better, clearer. It’s as if the emotions have dulled away, leaving him pounding but still going on.

“YN,” he tells you, voice wrapped up in emotions that not even he can tell is what. “Hold on, the medics are coming- just-”

“Jimin,” you whimper, trembling. He can see your skin turn even bluer with every passing second, a warning that your heart is pumping yet your lungs are failing. You’re clearly in pain, but- despite that, your whole focus is on him. “... I couldn’t- I can’t see you- I t-thought you left me again.”

An ugly sob tears its way out his chest then. It feels as if his eyes are burning with tears, blurring his vision, but he’s resolved not to let you go.

“D-Don’t worry about that. I’m right h-here sweetheart,” he reassures with a shaky voice. “Didn’t I say I’d n-never leave you? Just focus on my voice-”

Whatever words he speaks next, you never hear as you fall unconscious. Jimin catches you in his arms, and promises to not let you go. 

He doesn’t register the sound of the ambulance arriving, the medics pulling you away from him, him using his power to convince them to let him go with you. The ambulance’s siren doesn’t sink into him, and neither do the busy personnel connecting you to various machines and leading you away into the emergency room, him stuck outside as they tell him to wait. He wants to go inside, to see you, but- they tell him that they can’t work with him in there. So he lets him be sat down on the bench outside by the nurse, eyes drifting into space as he stares at the doors.

All that remains on loop in his mind is the moment you look at him with tears dripping down your face, the terror reflected back in his eyes as you whispered that you thought he’d left again.

The tears fall even faster.

•• ━━━━━ ••●•• ━━━━━ ••

When they allow him to come in, hours and hours and what feels like an eternity later, the sight of feathers and a(n unfortunately) familiar face barely surprises him. After all, it was made clear to him during your earliest days with you that the angel has a soft spot for you, though how much is still a mystery.

“Taehyung,” he says quietly.  “what are you doing here?”

“What do you think?” Taehyung stands by your bed, lips pursed and entire countenance stony as he regards Jimin. You continue to slumber, unaware of the conversation taking place before you. “I should be the one asking you that question. Then again, I guess I can’t be too surprised. You really are dedicated to your job, aren’t you?” He doesn’t laugh, only tightening his grip. “I’d say I hope you’re happy with what you’ve done to him, what you will do to him, but we both already know that’s a lie.”

Jimin bristles. “You say that like I intended for this to happen. … I care about YN.”

At his answer, Taehyung only seems to grow even more furious, the tick in his jaw appearing as his glare becomes murderous. 

“If you really cared for him,” he doesn’t outright yell, no, but Taehyung’s voice is low, trembling with anger, the type that takes every part of yourself to hold back. His hands are drawn into fists and Jimin doesn’t doubt that if you weren’t asleep, he wouldn’t even talk, he’d use his fists instead. “You wouldn’t have stayed near him at all, much less let it come to this point!”

“If you cared about him, you would have let him move on!” 

“I-” Jimin should be angry, and he is, but there’s something about Taehyung’s words, something about the grief in his face that forces him to take a step back. “W-What do you mean…?”

“... this was supposed to be his last chance,” Taehyung whispers. Looking down at your sleeping face, Jimin sees the way his face crumbles with bitterness.  “If he could just move on from you and start anew, he could have been given a chance to be an angel instead. Now, it doesn’t even matter if you and him aren’t like before, that he hasn’t done anything to harm others at all, they aren’t letting him go-”

Jimin’s whole body stills as he stares at Taehyung.

“... Like before?”

Taehyung’s face darkens- and then he snaps.

“How daft can you be?! Have you never wondered just why, out of so many demons, you’re the one he summoned? 75 years of a human life, even on their last cycles, that’s more than enough for a lifetime of wealth and riches!” Taehyung’s voice becomes increasingly loud, anger and blame visible in his eyes, before they shift to bitterness. “But no, he just wanted you. You, who’s always been the reason why he got screwed over in all of his previous lifetimes!”

“I…”

“And now he’s dying, his tenth life and he can’t enter heaven or hell, neither can his soul be broken and made anew,” he spat out bitterly. “Don’t preach to me about how his current state is our fault, because if you’d never tempted him in the first place he wouldn’t even be born into this wretched state!”

After saying his piece, it’s as if a string controlling Taehyung has been cut, as his whole body sags. Once more does he show grief in his face, tears falling and him brushing them away.

And Jimin?

He doesn’t know what to say, how to react. 

Thinking back on it, perhaps the clues had been there all along, and it was just him who refused to see it for what it was. The whole mystery, presented to him, while still missing important pieces had already given him the most important information.

All along, it’d been Jimin who YN searched for in every life, who you’ve been devoted to, may be in love with, and-

And him who’s ruined you in turn, whether it be your previous lives or this one.

The revelation makes him fall, crushing the breath in his lungs. It feels like he’s falling, deep, hard, with no way out and goddamn it why would you still want him after everything?

“... no.”

It’s your words that halt them in their tracks. Surprised, they see you awake.

“YN!” 

They both exclaim your name in surprise. You smile weakly at them in turn, and the way you struggle to breathe a little doesn’t escape them. 

“Thank you, Taehyung, for trying to protect me,” you start, before your smile turns sad. “But I think you forget I’ve always had the choice to leave Jimin. If I ever wanted to, if it ever got too hard for me, I could have left. But I didn’t. And I never will.”

You close your eyes. “A life without him isn’t a life worth living at all.”

Taehyung’s laugh is broken as your words sink in. “Is it worth it even if it costs you everything?”

“You know my answer will always be yes.”

It’s kind of funny. Jimin has always known you would die. Not just mentioning how you’re human, the fact that you refused to get treatment for your condition means death was only ever a few steps behind you.

But even so, now that the moment is creeping closer, it still hits him hard, anyways. 

Perhaps the worst thing yet is the calm smile on your face, reminiscent of the first time Jimin’s met you. You aren’t angry, aren’t defiant, aren’t trying to fight against this in any way at all- you’re just accepting what’s to come and it breaks both of their hearts.

•• ━━━━━ ••●•• ━━━━━ ••

After that, Taehyung leaves, though not before he has a private talk with you. When he leaves your room, Jimin sees the trail of tears remaining on his face before he disappears.

Coming in, it all feels like a dream. 

It was only a day ago that the two of you had been planning to take a stroll together and admire the garden boasted to be the ‘most beautiful spring garden in the world’. 

Now the only thing that reminds him of spring inside is the flowers on the vase by your bedside (probably placed there by Taehyung, his mind tells him). You’re admiring them with a small smile (fake, his mind oh so helpfully tells him), though the way you’re determinedly not meeting his gaze, hands clutching the blanket tightly tells him otherwise. 

Silence reigns in the room like so many times before, but this time, neither of you are breaking it. He can only stare at you, the questions in his mind screaming at each other to make themselves known, but as he sees the vulnerable stance you’re holding, your body curled up just enough that you could hide in on yourself, he hesitates.

He can’t. 

It’s with that that Jimin turns around, intending to leave, but-

Only then do you finally speak. Your voice is almost a whisper, but he hears it loud and clear. “Don’t leave,” you beg him. “Please.” The way your voice cracks at the end with unshed tears echoes in the room.

Jimin stops. A moment passes- and then he turns around again, sighing as he seats himself beside you. You still aren’t looking at him, but you aren’t quite looking away from him either.

“... Is it true then? YN.”

You flinch, but you answer all the same.

“... Yeah, it is.” When you speak next, it’s only too obvious that you’re trying to be casual and light. “Sorry about that. I didn’t think Taehyung was such a blabbermouth.”

Jimin already knew. That was a fact.

But damn it if it doesn’t hurt right now. If it doesn’t make him physically sick, to consider his part in your current condition. To actually have to face the truth. “Why didn’t you tell me? I could have-”

“You could have what?” You interrupt him. Jimin falls silent, unable to answer and you smile bitterly. “That’s what I thought.” 

“If I told you when we first met, would you have believed me?” 

He looks away. “... Yes, I would have.”

“Liar,” you immediately call him out, a hint of exasperation present in your tone. “Don’t blame yourself, Jimin. I chose this. I’m happy right now.”

“Originally I wasn’t going to find you, but… when I saw you, you just reminded me of the old you,” you smiled sadly. “when you didn’t know what to live for, desperate for anything to keep you going. And then I realized you didn’t recognize me… I just wanted to see you smile happily again.”

And then it feels as though someone’s punched him in the chest.

“If you die, I won’t be smiling happily anymore! If you die right now, I won’t find any reason to smile for the rest of this hell that I’m stuck as a demon. This time, I won’t ever be able to forget you. I won’t ever be able to forget your smiles, your laughter, the way you smirk at me when you tease me- I couldn’t ever forget you.” He chokes out, tears brimming in his eyes as he looks you in the eyes, forcing you to see him. “How could you ever think there would be a life where I wouldn’t fall in love with you?”

“... I’m sorry, Jimin,” your voice breaks with tears. “I’m sorry for being selfish. I should’ve just let you go, I’m sorry, I just missed you so much-”

He doesn’t know who starts crying first, only that the two of you are so close to shattering. 

•• ━━━━━ ••●•• ━━━━━ ••

“What did I do to you?” He finally asks. To your credit, you don’t break eye contact with him, only flinching a little. Jimin quietly continues. “Taehyung… he said your soul became like this because of me. I want to know the full story.”

When he senses you hesitating, thinking over what to say, he clasps your hands in his own. “Please.”

Your shoulders sag, and you look away. 

“... in our first life, your wife cheated on you with another man from her village,” you finally say softly. 

Jimin says nothing, only encouraging you to speak. 

“Your father married you to her because she was the daughter of the head of the neighboring village, and she seemed to like you. When you were married, you made sure to treat her well, going above what people would normally do and almost even pampering her. With everything that was going on, you becoming head and your marriage, we began drifting away.”

“But your wife turned out to be tricking you only for the money and the status. I soon found out she’d been stealing money and lying about it, and going behind your back to see other men. At first I was incensed, and I immediately confronted her. She knew I could make you listen, so she promised to stop and change her ways. I agreed. I didn’t want you to be heartbroken when you realized how much she’d been lying to you.”

“... I found her under another man weeks later, near the shed. I confronted them, threatening to tell you- and her lover, who obviously knew who I was, panicked. He tried to kill me then, but I was stronger than him- and then he tried pleading for his innocence, killing your wife in turn before begging me to let it go.”

“I was shocked. At first I didn’t know what to do, but then I tried to confront her, and well-” you fall silent again, obviously torn about telling him what happens next. Jimin awaits your response, and it isn’t long before you make up your mind.

“... I tried to detain him, but in the process killed him instead. You came out, attracted by the ruckus… I can’t ever forget the face you had when you saw both your wife and another man dead, and me, standing over them,” your voice comes out as a whisper. “You never blamed me, especially after you heard the truth, but- we were never the same afterwards.”

“I think… that was the start of everything.”

The way you retell your past lives now, revealing to him the parts that you glossed over before, it puts the clues he’s seen before in clear perspective. It breaks his heart to hear your journey through the different lives, always there for him, always getting dragged into the darker side of the world because of him. Because of him, in almost every life you’ve been dragged to kill, to manipulate, to ruin lives on his account. If not to protect him, to keep him safe then to avenge him in some way.

Taehyung was right. It is his fault.

Finally, you touch upon your last life with him, your eight life.

“In our eight life, you were the emperor’s son, and I was the concubine’s son of the right minister of the court. We were childhood friends,” you smile a little in reminiscence. 

“... The royal family was full of backstabbing and schemes. I wanted to protect you, but I was too young. When I finally had the power, you were already broken in by others, wanting nothing but power and revenge. I thought… no, I wanted to help. If I could have just stopped it sooner, you wouldn’t have suffered so much after all,” the guilt in your tone is thick as is the regret in your eyes. “I became the minister, scheming and backstabbing others in order to gain what I wanted, to protect you, and to help you get revenge.”

“At the end of that life, we’d drenched the whole city in blood, not a single person against you left alive.”

“... I remember that,” Jimin finally says.

A demon’s past lives are always sealed shut and kept secret, but- perhaps just by the virtue of standing by you, the one person who’s always been a central point in all his lives, that he can remember at least his last life clearly.

“... I was poisoned, wasn’t I?” He chuckles. Your smile tightens, a shaky breath leaving you that he knows isn’t just from your illness.

“Yeah,” you confirm. “In the ninth life, I couldn’t find you anywhere. I lived my whole life searching for you, but I couldn’t even sense the slightest hint of you anywhere.”

“You were looking in the wrong realm,” he laughs a little. You shrug.

“... And now, this life.”

“This life,” he echoes, falling quiet.

“You already know about my family. My mother dying at childbirth, father abandoning me, my relatives only being greedy… I ran away as soon as I could. I suffered, that’s true, but- I thought,” you swallow nervously. “I couldn’t find you anywhere last time. And this was my last life. So… I thought that maybe, I could summon a demon to help me search for you, if you were at least still alive somewhere.”

“Imagine my surprise when I summoned you instead.”

You place a small kiss on his palm, intertwining your hand with him after. “I promised I’d only take a little peek, see if you were happy, but… I guess… I guess I got greedy.”

Jimin lets out a shaky exhale, feeling the strength leave him as your words sink into his mind. “And Taehyung?”

“I met him in my ninth life. I’m pretty sure he already told you, but… he’s the one who made it possible for me to remember my past lives,” you smile a little at that. “I started searching for you after that.”

“I guess they were pretty anxious for a new angel to arrive, making me that deal.”

He scoffs. “The amount of angels that enter heaven have heavily decreased these past centuries. I’m not too surprised if they are. For a system that prides itself on its morality, their pragmatism rivals even hell itself.”

“Yeah,” you simply reply. “Don’t be too harsh on him, okay? He was the reason I found you in this life, after all. I’m thankful I got to see you again in my last life.”

And just like that, he’s reminded again of the situation at hand.

“After all, they said,” you continue, “I could die at any moment now.”

Fingers trace where your heart would be in your chest. “Complications from my birth defect. A blood clot formed in one of the arteries near my heart. ”

“More than that though- there’s only two weeks left, before our contract ends,” you tell him. Jimin squeezes your hand, seated beside you.  

“...Is there anything you want?”

“Just stay with me, please,” you close your eyes as you lean on him.

“Alright. Alright, I can do that.”

•• ━━━━━ ••●•• ━━━━━ ••

After that, Jimin stays by your side at all times, every waking second of the day, if not to keep you company, then to ease the pain in your body. It’s ironic, considering your past lives. He remembers being bedridden, every change of his condition monitored. You’d told him multiple times then, that you were willing to follow him to the grave. The ministers praised your loyalty. Only he knew that it wasn’t a promise so much as a statement.

“Wow,” your lips quirk into a grin as you take the cup from his hands. “Tea from you, our great and oh-so-gracious emperor. How lucky of me.”

“Perfectly brewed tea too,” he preens as you compliment him.

In a reversal of roles, he brews you tea, accompanying you around (though not too far lest your disease acts up again), making sure that in your last days, you’re left with as little regret and as much contentment as you can get. 

Still, he can’t help thinking over the angel’s words. Every time he sees you just enjoy being alive together, he wonders, why not? If it guaranteed your survival, he’d push you to become a demon, or even an angel.

The one time that he brings it up, though, you instantly shoot him down.

“I don’t want to be an angel,” you bluntly state. “If I did, I’d be bound to fight you someday. Besides, heaven cast me out already..”

“Becoming a demon isn’t something you can so easily do, either. Remembering my previous lives actually makes it harder for me. Even if it’s for you… I can’t justify ruining people’s lives in any way in this life.”

He exhales, grip on you tightening with every word you say, feeling as though if he doesn’t, then somehow, somehow, you’ll instantly disappear.

“... I know.”

He doesn’t bring up that topic again.

And if he leaves moments later, not returning until an hour later, appearing the same but feeling empty of everything inside, well. At least you don’t call him out on it.

•• ━━━━━ ••●•• ━━━━━ ••

A few days before your contract ends, he’s visited by someone he didn’t think would see him.

“If you had a chance to save him,” he says. “Would you?”

Of course. If there’s anything that binds Jimin and him together, it’s you.

“I would.”

A heartbeat’s worth of moment passes- and then he replies.

“What are you willing to give up?”

“Everything.”

•• ━━━━━ ••●•• ━━━━━ ••

“YN!”

You cheekily wave at him from where you are, standing by the bed, outfit not the hospital gown but rather clothes for outside wear. Jimin stride over to you, features stiff as he almost-but-not-quite glares at you, or to be more specific at you standing and dressed to go out.

“I didn’t want to spend my last days on a hospital bed,” you explain before he can say anything, a forcefully lighthearted tone in your voice. You smile at him easily, pulling him down for a kiss- one that he easily returns, before grasping his hands in yours. “So. Accompany me, will you?”

Cold. Your body temperature has always been a little below than how normal humans should be, but in this moment it’s fallen even lower and Jimin can’t help but let his magic ease the discomfort you must be feeling. You hum in pleasure as you feel the pain in your body dull, no doubt because of Jimin.

“... Fine,” he sighs, before warning you. “But we aren’t doing anything strenuous.”

“I know,” you roll your eyes at him, before tugging on your interlocked hands. “Come on, we’re losing daylight.”

Where are we even going? He wants to ask, but it’s a futile question. After all, he’ll follow you wherever you decide to go, whether it be even heaven or hell.

With that thought in mind, he lets you lead.

•• ━━━━━ ••●•• ━━━━━ ••

The destination in question turns out to be the Keukenhof gardens, the place you two intended to visit before the incident.

Although he originally didn’t want you to put too much pressure on your body, Jimin thinks, if only to himself, that maybe this trip is doing you more good than harm. Surrounded by the beautiful scenery, it seems as though you are at peace for once. The tension that seemed unnoticeable before has visibly melted away for both of you, leaving you both at peace. 

“I remember you strolling in the imperial gardens.” The memory in question comes in a burst as he watches you walk around. The scene before him blurs. The present overlaps with the past vision of you in his mind- where you’re wearing brightly colored robes, followed by several attendants. Tulips on the ground are replaced by falling plum blossoms, and even the atmosphere is different. 

What only remains the same is you and the gentle look on your face.

“I always found you having tea in the pavilion. That was the first place I looked to when I needed you, and I rarely failed to find you there.”

You laugh a little. “I always asked you to join me.”

“... Yes, you were the only one who could so easily ask me to take a break with you,” he murmurs. “No one else would even dare meet my eyes. They were always too afraid.”

“The memories keep coming back to me now.”

“Do they?” You ask him, swinging your linked hands a little. “Our lives keep changing, but if there’s anything that stays the same… I guess it’s this. I’m glad I got to do this at least once with you in this life too.”

“If it were up to me, we’d do this everyday.” 

And then he feels you tug on him. He notices the way your breathing quickly becoming erratic, you starting to struggle even more just to breathe. It’s nothing that his magic can’t dull, the pain disappearing but the damage increasing.

This is the limit of what Jimin can do (he hates it, but you always look at him a grateful look on your face and he swallows back the words, knowing what your reaction would be).

After that, he carries you to one of the benches by the path. In the late afternoon, the sky is a brilliant shade of rose, sunlight gently bathing the sea of flowers with gold.

‘Just a little longer’, he thinks. Please.

“Hey, Jimin.”

“... You asked me before,” you suddenly speak up again, voice falling lower as if you’re sleepy. “If I was afraid to die.”

“Even after countless lifetimes, I’ve always been afraid to die,” you reveal. “But I was more afraid to die without seeing you at least once.”

“Were you happy, this past year?” He abruptly asks. The answer should be obvious- you’ve done so much just to find him, just to stay by him, so obviously you should, but he can’t help asking. Were you? Were you happy? Was he able to make you feel that the pain was worth it in any way?

Maybe it isn’t for you as much as it is for him. I’m sorry. The words are laced in every touch and he wonders if you can hear it.

You chuckle. “Of course I am.”

“... Jimin,” you call out his name again, when the silence drags him down to where his thoughts fester. He shivers- feeling your presence slowly wither away beside him, as you struggle to speak, your voice becoming more and more quiet. “Jimin...”

“Yes?”

“If there’s a life beyond this one, and the other one, and beyond… I’d still want to spend all of it with you.”

Jimin laughs, but it’s strange.

His voice… it really isn’t as smooth as it used to be. The trembling, choked up feeling in his throat- they turn his words into ones filled with tears. “Really, YN? That’s a promise then, alright? After all, I still haven’t paid you back for all the lifetimes I’ve caused you grief… I don’t think I ever will, no matter how much I try.”

He looks at you then- at your eyes that hold nothing but fondness in them, to the gentle slope of your lips, the smooth space between your eyebrows. Dipping his head low, he cups your face, pressing a kiss on your forehead. Your grip on him would be painful if there was any force behind it. As it is, he only grasps your hand in turn to make sure that at least you know you are together until the end.

A moment passes, and then another.

An evening breeze brushes by, making the trees sway, leaves falling down to the ground.

Jimin’s hands barely tremble as he closes your eyes for you. 

Like this, it’s easy to pretend you’re just sleeping. 

“... Goodnight, YN.”

Flower petals dance through the air, and Jimin thinks that is probably the send off that you would like. Surrounded by what you love.

He hopes that your smile carries on wherever you may go.

“I’ll meet you soon.”

Only the wind is there to hear him now, only the rising moon there to witness the tears that follow yet again.

•• ━━━━━ ••●•• ━━━━━ ••

“Hic… hic…”

It’s the sound of something that draws him to the place hidden behind the playground. He’s not scared- no, really!- but the other kids are too busy playing, enough that they couldn’t hear him when he said he wanted to join, so they definitely wouldn’t notice if something interesting was happening somewhere!

He’s a big boy though, so he can wait until they’re done, whenever that is. In the meantime, he can hear something weird, and he’s curious, so he can go investigate that!

So he walks carefully to just the veeeeery edge of the sandbox, looking around and trying to find out where the noise is coming from.

When he looks through the bushes, it’s when he finds himself what’s making the noise.

“What the- hey, are you okay?”

It’s a crying boy. 

For a moment, the two of them look at each other, surprised- before he awkwardly smiles at the other. When they don’t say anything, just staring at him, he patiently waits for them to say something. That’s what his mother always told him to do, after all. 

“Are you okay?” He repeats. The other nods a little. “What happened? I heard this strange noise but you seem and sound like you were crying!”

At that, they begin to tear up again.

“... I-I got lost, and I can’t find my mommy or my daddy…”

“Oh,” he says, before smiling. “That’s okay! I’ll help you find them!”

“... Really?”

He grins, eyes turning into crescent moons as he holds out his hand for the other to take. “Yeah, really! I’m kinda new here, so my mom told me where to go if I’m ever lost! I can take you there!”

They hesitate, face sad, before they seem to decide- and they take his hand.

And in that moment, he feels something wet on his cheeks.

“... a-are you crying!? I’m sorry!”

“Um- no, it’s okay… I just got really happy for no reason!” He hastily wipes away the tears, feeling really happy and sad for some reason. “Um… sorry… um.”

“What’s your name? Do you want to be friends? You’re really cute!”

“H-Huh?” They blush. “... My name is YN. And you are?”

“It’s Jimin! From now on, we’re friends, okay?”

They smile, and his chest feels a little funny. A little warm too. Just- he’s really, really happy, more than he’s ever been!

“Sure!”

Behind them both, a feather falls onto the ground.

[swerpeant]

BASICS

Name: sweet pea Age: 26 Gender: male Sexuality: heterosexual Relationship Status: single Species: human

Occupation: serpent / whyte wyrm bartender Birthday: may 1, taurus  Living arrangement: a run down apartment on the southside (close enough to pops’ for his late night shake and cheese fry cravings)

APPEARANCE

Eye color: Brown

Hair color: Black

Height: 6′4′’

Scars: Small silver cuts from being a rough boy. Got to be scrappy to get by

Tattoos:  a few skulls along his wrist, a death tarot card on the back of his forearm obviously his serpent tattoo, skull and serpent on shoulder, and no serpents shed their skin on his forearm

FAVOURITE

Color: Lilac

Entertainment: Reading, listening to music, drawing, flirting, manipulating, complaining

Pastime: reading, listening to music, learning how to cook

Drink: peach soda and coconut water, tea, coffee

EARLIER LIFE

(mostly his life in high school before the time jump)

➤Sweet pea was born a Southsider and shows that is his legacy, he hates the Northside because they resent the Serpents and consider all of them thugs and miscreants, sure, it’s a bit of a contradiction and he doesn’t give some of the more understanding Northsiders a chance but they haven’t shown him any reason too. every time he feels he can trust them his life gets ripped apart.

➤He despises the Northside; not only because more than half the town only believe the lies they have been told but because every Northsider is better off than anyone from the Southside and even the people who claim they don’t mind the Southside not one of them has ever tried to help out to make the place Sweets calls home a better place.

-Sweet pea grew up with it rough, like many of the other southsiders. His father was heavy on the bottle but when he was a kid he went off to war to get better chances on money, the only thing is he died at war leaving Sweet pea and his mother alone and due to this his mother slipped into drug abuse leaving Sweet pea 100% dependent on himself; at least until the serpents took him under his wing and introduced him to the gang around fourteen and this is where he found his true family and he became devoted to them and willing to do any job or task they need of the boy while he also gets himself in dumb situations with his friends.

-he had lived though the closing of southside high, the ghoulie take over, even the trend of the fictional game of gryphons and gargoyles. smart enough to avoid the farm he seemed to just make it to graduation where he finally watched as his friends went off to school and soon after having to deal with riverdale on his own again.

PERSONALITY

➤Sweet pea has been shown being both a total brute; fighting ghoulies and Northsiders whenever he can, standing up for the Southsiders when they were being pulled under the bus, or just destroying property when he gets angry; he solves justice physically and irrationally which is not always smart but he feels he’s only good for his strength. Sweets has a lot of problems seeing good in himself even though there is more love in him than anyone will ever know he just shows it differently. Instead of being emotional and letting his feelings out the boy is extremely protective and quick to react to violence if the people he loves are threatened.

➤It’s not canon but from the way he is shown to always be in the front line of the younger Serpents I always imagined he wants to be able to climb the Serpent ladder and be a big leader of the gang at some point which is going to really be his main focus in life until more plots come, while he will always remain loyal to the people who have never done him wrong. There is nothing that can make him stray from the serpents.

WHAT HAPPENED TO THEM INBETWEEN THE SEVEN YEARS ?

➤Sweet pea, unlike the others was one of the riverdale residents stuck behind. he kept things up and running as best he could on his own while fangs and toni went to school, not that he minded all that much, it almost felt like he was the leader he was meant to be. and until the money was raised to buy the noir with toni after she returned from college that sweet pea had the whyte wyrm fully restored back to it’s original state that it had been before the ghoulies took over it. along with this was the revival of completely having the serpents coming back as strong as they had been.

➤sweet pea sometimes might regret not being able to venture out, possibly get a chance on going to college or at least making a better life outside of riverdale which had fallen apart. but his loyalty to his family, the serpents, kept him around. he knew he needed to stay and take care of the people he loved and would die for, so being the serpent king became his absolute duty as a person.

➤For extra money to pay the bills for his apartment, Sweet pea runs product for the Serpents also  He knows a lot about cars and is always finding scrap pieces to keep his old truck running and had taken a few hours at the mechanic to make extra cash though, that is just for his own pocketing; the truckers that stop by pops has been mostly the flow of money for the man and the serpents.

MISSING CONNECTIONS

-any serpents that he’d be close with (obviously this including toni and fangs).

-ghoulies that he has extra beef with. maybe they are always out to get each other.

-exs, hook ups, maybe a past relationship: if they dated he probably would have lost them for being so focused on rebuilding the serpents and saving up for the whyte wyrm. maybe they are still into each other or maybe more angsty plots had caused them to split.

-family members?: this could be plotted out but maybe he has a cousin move to town.

[aesthyuckic]

AVENOIR | l.dh - QUINDECIM

(gif not mine - credits to rightful owner)

Genre: High School AU (at beginning) ; Tarot Reader!Witch!Hyuck

Word Count: 2.8k

Warnings: (bold if in use) slow but with a purpose, belief contradictions (???), mentions of r*pe, blood, swearing, violence, mentions of abuse

Pairings: Lee Donghyuck (Haechan) x Reader (F)

DEATH: end of a cycle, beginnings, change, metamorphosis

The summer months seemed to go as fast as they came. Autumn was approaching rapidly but wasn’t quite there yet. It was the awkward time when it was unbearable hot out while the leaves were starting to fall and turn different shades to show their end for the year. It was exciting to them in all honesty despite the death of the nature around. Autumn arriving meant many things but most importantly it meant the end of them travel the country until next spring.

It also meant Cosimia’s birthday. She’d be turning sixteen later in October, not far off from the adulthood she thought she’d never come to reach. She thought it was the perfect age for some reason... Perhaps it was because she was young enough to continue being irresponsible without consequences like she wanted, but also because she was old enough to be taken seriously by the adults she criticized, privately, too.

She realized now, looking back on her passing childhood years how fast they had actually gone by. Some of them were even very blurry to her when she tried to recall it and realized how much she had taken away in those years as well... She hated it all. The great chunk of her childhood taken from her and especially the fact that adulthood was already sneaking up on her so stealthily...

“Hey, Haechan...” She called you him as she continued to stare out the window at the dull gray that filled the sky that morning as the trailer bumped on the highway. “Did you feel any different when you turned sixteen? Like it was a big deal or anything?”

“I mean, sorta.” He shrugged. “I rushed out to get my license so I got to drive legally for once and it does feel like a shift in perspective I guess. I think you start to realize how the slow years have passed and everything seems to have gone by faster despite how slow it might seem in the moment.”

“Hmm,” She hummed as her chin rested atop her hands.

“Why do you ask?”

“I feel like... something big is suppose to happen? I don’t know when though...”

“Can’t you see if something big is coming, you know, with your ability?”

“Not like that... Remember? One to two things at a time and they’re often vague for me...”

“Can you tell me what you see right now?”

“It’s more of feeling right now... Mostly of immense devastation and the feeling of fresh tears running down your cheeks, that’s it. Me crying is not that uncommon but that feeling, I don’t know.”

“Do you think it’s possible because we’re getting closer to Oregon?”

She turned her head around to look at him and he felt like he shouldn’t have brought it up the way she looked at him with doe like eyes. It’s true, the place she was so desperately looking forward too at the beginning when Johnny had found them was coming up soon. It wasn’t even a day away from them now... She has kind of forgotten about since she’d been so focused on Donghyuck lately. She missed her mother, even if the memory of her was blurry and she knew she was gone physically... There was nothing should could do about that but at least she felt the lingering of her soul around her sometimes...

“Maybe I don’t need to see her deathbed anymore.” She sighed. “I don’t feel like I do, maybe, I’m finally moving on from it.”

“You can always change your mind.” He mumbled as he rubbed her shoulder, lightly.

He noticed lately that the girl didn’t flinch at all anymore whenever he touched her. He could initiate it without a problem now too. As her trust with in him, grew he noticed how clingy she could actually be... There was no longer any room between them when they shared the bed. In fact, he’d often find her arm draped across his torso in the morning. He was still afraid for some reason so it was always feather-like, kind of sweaty and burned due to warmth but she didn’t seem to mind. Though, she still flinched whenever it came to any of the other guys they hung out with during their free time.

Of course there were times she begin to get overwhelmed or tremble and brushed the boy’s hand off of her. He could feel it when the breath hitches in her throat this time. She grabbed it gently, but quickly to take it off her shoulder. She didn’t let go of it, rather she just held it while she continued to look out the window in silence. He just looked at her as rubbed her thumb across his skin. She never looked back at him, just sat there while he stood, hand in hand.

The following morning, Donghyuck was the first one up which was not common. The birds chirped outside and the air ice cold when it hit his skin. He noticed their trailer was no longer moving which must have meant they’ve reached Oregon already. He looked out the window and was able to see the sky shined yellow at the horizon which faded to pink up into purple as the sun rises to push the night elsewhere.

He got out of bed, carefully not to wake up the sleeping girl. He got ready quietly too as she still slept peacefully and he snuck outside without her. He noticed a lot of their co-workers were also up and walking around. He assumed they were already setting up the booths and such for the day ahead of them. It was his turn to return the favor from awhile ago...

He grabbed a quick breakfast before he went to find Lucas who gladly helped cover for Cosimia in setting up their booth that morning. He had become distant friends with the other at that point but he felt rather awkward around him because of how rude and hostile he was at first. The taller had always been the friendly type and he understood where the boy slightly younger than him was coming from so he didn’t care all that much. It didn’t take long to set up either.

Donghyuck, oddly full of enegry that morning despite how little he slept decided to help a few other people with that tents that morning. He realized how easily the time got away from him as the sun began to rise higher and higher in the sky. He went to go grab some breakfast for Cosimia before he returned back to their trailer. Knowing her schedule by heart allowed him to sneak back in right before she woke up and make it seem like he never really left either.

She came out of their room only ten minutes after he walked in. She immediately noticed the plate of food on the counter which was visibly still very warm. She looked to find him on the floor with one of his books and a piece of toast in his mouth as he read. She also came to notice the slightly dark circles under his eyes.

“You didn’t sleep much, did you?” She asked.

“I feel great.” He responded as he munched away on his toast. “So, what’s the big deal?”

“The big deal is you let me sleep and you had to set up the tent all by yourself.” She huffed.

“Lucas eagerly covered for you, okay? I was return the favor from months ago too... Plus you needed the sleep.”

“What do you mean by that?”

“I don’t know... I just felt it? Oh, can’t you let me be nice without questioning about it?! And where’s my ‘thank you’ too?!”

She rolled her eyes at what he said but she admitted that a ‘thank you’ was overdue. His face was all red and scrunched up as he tried to focus on the words on the page. She came around to the other side and stood next to him. He didn’t look up at her out of anger. To be honest, her face was red and hot as well in the silence with no acknowledgment. She bent down, putting her hand under his chin as she planted a kiss on his cheek which immediately sent all the red to his cheek.

“Thank you,” She muttered as she let go of him rather, roughly. “But next time wake me up please.”

She didn’t look back at him as she walked into the kitchen and grabbed the breakfast and even the cup of coffee he got for her of the counter. She left to go to the back again rather quietly as she also had a bright red face and slightly trembled. Once he saw her leave from view it took him every fiber of his being not to scream out of the dopamine rush. He had no idea that was about but he did like it, maybe a little too much since he wished she’d do it again.

He was able to calm himself down from the high just a little to get up to go tell the girl something, “I’m gonna go help in the big tent so you know where I am if you happen to need me. Enjoy your breakfast! I’ll see you later!”

He smiled at her, it somehow more big than it usually was and his tone more cheerful when he spoke to her. She nodded at him before he left. A smile appearing on her face after he was gone, a wave of relief washing over her as she settled down too. She did as he said, something very rare and took all the time in the world getting ready for the day ahead of them.

Donghyuck walked outside their trailer, refreshed by the cool air against his buting cheeks as he was finally able to breath properly. He didn’t even look around before he started to jump around like an idiot whispering a few words of encouragement to himself. He knows it was only a kiss on the cheek, but for her, that’s a big deal... He had finally gotten rid of the overexpelling enegry from his body after that but of course not without being caught.

“What was that?” A girl named Lia laughed hysterically when she saw him.

“Yeah, you’re never that energetic around us.” Jeno added.

“Oh, it was nothing,” He shrugged with a smile. “Just an adrenaline rush or something...”

“Whatever you say.” Lia hummed, knowing it was a lie somehow.

They all went to the big tent that was not too far from the trailers. In all the months they had been working there, he’d never been there for anything for some odd reason. He was kind of in awe of how big it was and how glorious it seemed. He was assigned to help with stage check by Johnny. The elder handing him the clipboard made him feel special in all honesty. It definitely felt like a change and everything had seemed different to him, but in a good way that day... He ran off rather happily to go the job he was assigned while big, sparkly eyes full of excitement.

Cosimia had just gotten out of the shower, already dressed in her signature flowy, long skirts and her overall dark clothing back at the trailer. She went straight to making lunches for her and Donghyuck that day. She had already made sandwiches and was cutting the fruit while she hummed, contently. Though, her mood shattered when she felt an overwhelming feeling of dread overcome her in that moment.

The lighting was no longer warm and inviting yellow but a cold and dark gray that seemed to have clouded her judgement. She only had negative thoughts before she completely paused for a moment. She came back with a small gasp and tiny tears already coming down her cheeks. She ran out of the trailer, her adrenaline through the roof as she still had the knife she was cutting with in her hand. She ran unlike she had in the past, this time it was frantic and she felt weightless due to her speed.

It already seem too late when she heard the gunshot go off... The crows around flew off while squawking due to the noise that felt like it hurt her right in the chest. She could hear people screaming from inside the big tent and scrambling around She stopped in her tracks at the sound, gripping the knife tighter. She just wanted to fall down and cry right then. She might have not been there to physically see it but she saw it.

She saw Donghyuck happily smiling as he walked on stage. He stood in the middle of it all, unsuspecting as the person and all black with a ski mask to cover their face slipped in, unnoticed. She saw the way the amethyst necklace he always wore because she made for him shattered into pieces once the bullet had come in contact with it only to pierce right through it, knocking him down, all bloody.

She trudged further, in tears and her knuckles turn white at the grip she had on the knife. A small figure emerged from the tent, in all black and with a gun in hand. They took in their mask, their face glistening with sweat as they took took in deep, heavy breaths. He was stupid, thinking no one else was around but rather in the tent paying attention to the boy he hated so much that he just shot.

“Hey, Ten!” She yelled, impulsive out of anger and sadness.

“I will shot you!” He threatened as he held up the gun in her direction while he shook.

“Like you did Haechan?” She asked, taking steady steps further to him as she seemed to cry harder. “Go ahead, what’s it going to do? Land you more time in jail?”

“How do you know what I did?”

“How the fuck you think, dumbass?!”

She continued to walk further toward him. She held her high to appear fearless. She just felt so heavy in her heart right then... He looked to be frightened by how she came closer with only grieve in her eyes. He had failed the notice the knife at her side that was almost hidden by the skirt she wore. He tried to adjust his gun but failed to do so because of hard he was shaking. He couldn’t shot her if he wanted the guilty was already eating him up and he had a terrible shot.

She came to stand in front of him finally. His gun was aimed at her torso and she quickly grabbed his wrist to move the aim up to her head. The mouth of the gun kissing her forehead. He looked more terrified by this action.

“He never did anything wrong...” She cried, her voice cracking. “I’m the one who was the cause of all the things that upset you... So why did you blame him and not me? Why did you have to hurt him? What good is it?”

He couldn’t find the words to respond to her questions as he looked into teary eyes that sparkled with the most hurt he’d seen from someone... She noticed he was focused on her now more than anything which gave her the opportunity to knock the gun out of his hand and drive the knife she held into his abdomen.

She backed away from him. His hand going toward the handle where her hand had just been. It wouldn’t be wise to take it out. He backed away, the black clothing he wore clearly becoming soaked from his own blood. His hands came to rest near the knife in his abdomen.

“Y-you bitch! You tricked me! You stabbed me!” He gritted before he fainted, the blood still coming out in pools.

She realized what she had done, something that could’ve been avoid, something she was against and something that was purely revenge driven in her mind... With her vision blurry with her own tears, she looked down at her hands seeing they were covered in Ten’s blood from when she did it. Her eyes widened and she started hyperventilating. Her mind was racing to every place it could, she couldn’t see anything that was to come which made her even more panicked. She no idea as to what was next.

Her ears started to ring and that’s all she could hear. Her vision remained blurry even when she wiped away her tears with her sleeves. She was focused on the blood that coated her hands and soon it was the only thing she was able to see. Darkness engulfed her, taking her away from the horrible image in front of her, on her and possibly within her...

[buckthegrump]

I hate you, really hate you

Summary: You’re married and truths about your marriage are about to come to light.

Warnings: cheating, angst, slight fluff

Word Count: 3.6 k+

A/n: this is for @sgtbxckybxrnes​ my prompt was enemies to lovers

“Do you ever do anything other than scowl?” Y/n asked Bucky.

They were in the middle of another one of their arguments. No one was quite sure where the fight had started but it had been going on for at least fifteen minutes, at this point it was probably closer to the twenty-minute mark.

“Do you ever do anything other than talk? All you ever seem to do is run your mouth, it’s like you can’t control it. And don’t even get me started on how much you gossip,” Bucky said.

“Oh, how much I gossip?” She scoffed.

“One of these days,” Bradley stood up and placed his hands on his wife’s shoulders, “you two are going to get along long enough for us to get through a brunch.”

“Can we go?” Y/n turned to her husband and he nodded.

“We will see you all later,” Bradley smiled.

Y/n said her goodbyes and then glared at Bucky while she waited for Bradley to be done. They walked out of the restaurant getting a few glares from the older patrons.

Bucky hadn’t always been apart of the group. He was the most recent member having moved back home after living in London for a few years. Steve swore that he was nice and that everyone would love him, clearly, he’d been wrong.

From the first time they met a few years ago, Bucky and Y/n butted heads. It was never anything serious and their fights, while always loud, never had any real substance. They never said anything truly hurtful to the other.

Bradley opened the car door for Y/n and she got in and huffed and grumbled the whole way home.

“Sweetie, it’s just Bucky. You should really learn to get along with him.” Bradley placed his hand on her knee as he drove home.

“I’ll try baby,” she sighed, “But he just makes it so hard. He has to contradict everything I say.”

“Wasn’t he agreeing with you today?”

Y/n paused because she couldn’t remember but that wasn’t the point. The point was that Bucky annoyed the hell outta her and she would just like one meal where he didn’t speak any and every time that she did.

* * *

She pushed her cart around the grocery store, one of the front wheels was wobbly and it had been the last cart so it was either that or a basket.

Y/n had gotten off work early so she thought she might as well get something done before Bradley got home. She stared at the quarts of ice cream trying to decide which one to get when someone bumped into her.

“Oh I’m so sor-” the familiar voice cut off when she turned and made eye contact with Bucky. “Oh, what are you doing here?”

She glared at him. “People need food to live, Bucky. Are you going to finish that apology?”

“Well, I was but then you opened your mouth and suddenly I feel like the universe is punishing me for coming to the store today.” Bucky looked at her then to the ice cream. “There’s that scowl again.”

“I wasn’t scowling until I was greeted by your face,” she muttered.

Bucky chuckled lightly and opened the freezer and grabbed the last thing of chocolate cookie dough. Y/n bit the inside of her cheek to stop her self from complaining, but that was the exact flavor she was going to get before somebody ran into her.

He put the ice cream in his basket and walked away.

She spent the rest of the shopping trip groaning to herself, mumbling about how much of a dick Bucky was. She was loading up her trunk when she saw Bucky again. 

He stretched out his hands which were holding the ice cream. She gave him a confused look but took the ice cream and he smiled.

“Happy birthday,” was all he said before shoving his hands in his pockets and walked away.

Now she was angry for a completely different reason. She was upset that he was nice to her, and yes it was her birthday and she thought the gesture was cute but couldn’t it have come from anyone else?

After she got home and finished putting away the groceries she started angrily cooking dinner.

Bradley probably would’ve offered to cook but he wasn’t home yet and she really didn’t mind.

* * *

It was almost eight o’clock. She had long finished the meal and plated it and set up the table. The bottle of wine that she’d chilled for dinner was half gone.

She chuckled to herself darkly and ate by herself before tossing his plate. She grabbed her iPad form the counter and sat down on the couch. It didn’t take her long to realize that she’d actually grabbed Bradley’s iPad, not that it mattered much she was only going to use it to watch something before going to bed.

But it was hard to focus on the movie when notifications for messages kept coming in. With the intention to turn the conversation on silent before she continued her show, she clicked on the messages.

* * *

A few weeks after her birthday it was time for their monthly brunch. Carol, Maria, Sam, Steve, and Bucky were all in the lobby of the restaurant when Y/n got there with Bradley.

They all greeted each other, except Bucky stood off to the side and stared at Y/n. Almost as if he was trying to figure something out about her.  She really didn’t want to get into it with him so she left it alone.

There was a spot open in front of her because there las still one person missing. Bucky and Maria were on either side of the open seat, while Bradley was on Y/n’s left side talking to Carol, and Sam was on her other side talking to Steve. Bucky was still silent but no one was talking about that.

“Hey, you guys,” Bryanna greeted and took the open seat. “Sorry I missed last month, I was really busy with something.”

“Oh my god, don’t worry about it,” Y/n smiled at her, “We’re just really glad that you’re here.”

Their server came over and took everyone’s orders and once that was done they began catching up with Bryanna.

Y/n was smiling and nodding at what Bryanna was saying, but she had also gone through a few mimosas pretty quickly and was starting to feel brave.

“Also, I have news,” Bryanna took a deep breath with the biggest smile she could manage on her face, “I’m pregnant.”

There was a brief moment a silence before everyone started congratulating her. Y/n sat there in a state of shock. Her eyes drifted to Bucky who tilted his head at her silently asking if she was ok. Y/n only smiled at him not giving him any real answer.

“Do we know who the father is or is this an I don’t need a man to follow my dreams kind of deal?” Carol asked.

“It was kind of an accident but I’m happy about it,” Bryanna still had a big smile on her face.

Everyone continued to bombard her with questions. Like who was the father? What were her plans? Who were the godparents going to be? 

Bryanna gave little to no answers before she said, “Ok, let’s not make this entire brunch about me. Please?”

“I have one question,” Y/n spoke for the first time since Bryanna’s news.

“If you’re going to ask if you can be the godmother my answer is -”

“How long have you been sleeping with my husband?” Y/n cut her off.

The table went dead silent. Bryanna stared at her with wide eyes, she briefly glanced at Bradley. But Y/n didn’t take her eyes off Bryanna once.

“Wh-wh-what. . .What are you talking about?” Bryanna half chuckled.

Y/n sat forward in her chair and braced her weight on the table. “How long have you been sleeping with my husband?”

Everyone’s eyes were bouncing between Bradley, Bryanna, and Y/n.

“Because if I’m doing my math right, I would say about,” Y/n sucked on her teeth while she pretended to think, “I’d say about a year maybe two. With my luck it’s probably been two, right? Which bravo to you two for keeping me in the dark for that long. Ya know what? I lied. I don’t have just one question. I have one more. What fuck? Both of you. It’d be one thing you didn’t know that I existed but you were a bridesmaid at my wedding Bry.”

Y/n reached into her purse and pulled out a manilla envelope and handed it to Bradley. “I hope you two are very happy together.”

* * *

She didn’t know what she expected. But it sure as shit wasn’t this. Somewhere in the back of her mind, she’d hoped that Bradley would come after her and beg to talk to her so he could apologize.

But here shew as hours after she’d stormed out of brunch, the sun was setting and there was still no sign of him.

It wasn’t like she was going to take him back. She meant it when she’d handed him the divorce papers. But she’d be lying if she said that she felt fine with the fact that he hadn’t even tried to chase after her.

“Y/n!” Bradley’s voice boomed from the other side of the door while he pounded his hand against the wood. “Open the door!”

She smiled to herself as she drank more of her wine, she hadn’t bother with a glass tonight. She had the locks changed yesterday. Y/n had almost decided to do all of this quietly but when Bryanna showed up at brunch she knew she wouldn’t be able to hold back the part of her that needed to be dramatic. And it saved her the trouble of having to tell her friends.

“You can’t just serve me divorce papers and change the locks!” He yelled. It had been a while since she heard him yell at anyone. 

Giving in she walked over to the door and reached for the lock.

“You don’t have to be such a bitch about it,” he said in a lower voice. Clearly, he wasn’t expecting her to be standing close enough to the door to be able to hear what he was saying.

“What the fuck did you just say?” A new voice asked. It was the very last person on earth that Y/n ever expected. “She has made it very clear that she does not want to talk to you. So why don’t you go ahead and run along now and leave her alone.”

“Are you sleeping with her?” Bradley demanded.

“You have no right to ask me that, you lost that right when you crawled into bed with someone else. Now get out of my face,” Bucky said.

The door of a car slammed shut and there was a soft knock at the door.

“Y/n?” Bucky’s voice calmly asked. “Listen, you don’t have to open the door or let me in or anything. Can you just let me know if you’re alive? I need to know if you’re ok.”

Y/n only thought about it for a split second before opening the door. She looked at Bucky who’s eyebrows were furrowed. They were both surprised by her actions and to further the shock, she stepped aside so he could enter.

He walked in and looked around.

“You know I’ve never actually bee in here before,” he said off-handedly. He turned around and took in her appearance. It was at that moment she realized what she looked like. Her face was probably puffy from the tears from earlier in the day, her old gray sweat pants had stains from lord knows what, and her shirt was thinning and had so many holes it no longer counted as a shirt. “How are you?”

She chuckled. “I’m fine,” she said but then a sob broke through and she began to cry, again. “Except I’m not. I really thought he was the one ya know? He was one of the first people who ever looked at me and found me interesting and on top of that, he found me attractive. And this is gonna sound so dumb but there’s no guarantee that I’ll find that again.”

“Y/n -” Bucky said softly but was cut off.

“That’s not even the worst part.” She took a shaky breath and continued. “The worst part is I know when and why this happened. And it’s my fault.”

“No -”

“But it is Bucky. We’d been trying for a child for a while and it wasn’t going well, and I think that’s part of the reason I was so mean to you when we first met. Which isn’t a valid reason and I do apologize for that. But just before you got here we went to the doctor to find out what was wrong. And it turns out it’s me. I was what was wrong with the whole thing. We continued to try because the doctor said it wasn’t impossible, and we wanted to wait and see if we could get a miracle before paying thousands and thousands of dollars for a procedure.

“So I guess he went and found himself someone who could give him what he wanted,” she laughed humorlessly.

Bucky walked so he was standing right in front of her and cupped her cheeks with his hands. They were warm and soft and she wanted nothing more than to melt into his touch. He wiped a tear away with his thumb.

“That’s bullshit, all of this, is his fault. And Bryanna’s. No one else’s, least of all yours. He broke his vows and your trust. Even if he has fallen out of love with you, he should have had the decency to talk to you about it before he went off and found someone else, but I don’t see how anyone could. And the whole being mean to me? Sam is always telling me I have a big head anyway and need to be knocked down a few pegs,” he said. She laughed softly at the last part which made Bucky smile.

“Thank you,” she whispered.

“Of course.”

“Don’t take this the wrong way. But why are you here? I thought you hated me.”

Bucky scoffed. “The past year would’ve been a lot easier if I had, but I can’t. I’ve tried.”

He smiled and dropped his hands. His mouth hung open as he stepped away. Y/n watched him shocked as he walked out of her house.

“What?”

* * *

Maria and Carol sat on Y/n’s couch while Y/n was pacing in front of it. Monica was sitting on the floor in front of the couch watching Y/n.

“So you’re over your ex-husband already?” Carol asked. “Honestly, we should kill him.”

“Aunt Carol, murdering people isn’t very nice,” Monica said.

“Neither is cheating,” Carol grumbled.

“I don’t think Y/n wants to talk about Bradley,” Maria said.

“Who even goes by ‘Bradley’?” Y/n continued pacing. “That should’ve been the first red flag. And then he shows up here and has the audacity to call me a bitch when he’s the one acting like a bitch -”

“He said what now?” Carol asked.

“And then Bucky shows up and -” en lieu of finishing her sentence Y/n lets out a frustrated groan.

“What does Bucky have to do with any of this?” Maria asked.

Y/n then recounted the events the took place last week after brunch. When she was done she flopped into the armchair next to the couch. 

“I mean it makes sense,” Monica said and all the adults turned to her.

“Care to explain?” Carol asked.

“Uncle Bucky is in love with Aunt Y/n,” Monica said as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

“And who exactly told you that?” Carol asked.

“Bucky did, like last year.” Monica shrugged and walked off to the bathroom without another word.

“That rat bastard,” Y/n muttered and got out of the chair.

“Y/n where are you going?” Carol called after her as she walked out of her own house.

“Do we stay or go?” Maria asked and Carol shrugged.

* * *

Y/n paced the hall in front of apartment 9D. She stopped walking to pound her open palm against the door, relentlessly until it opened.

“Y/n,” Bucky said when he saw her, “What are you -?

“Are you out of your mind?” She asked as she pushed past him.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” he said and shut the door.

“You - I - this - but -”

“That doesn’t help me understand what you’re very clearly angry about.”

“You act like you hate me for years. And then you buy me ice cream on my birthday, fun fact, also the day I finally put together that my husband was cheating on me -”

“What?”

“I am not done, Barnes,” Y/n snapped. “Then you show up right when I needed you last week, but it doesn’t stop there. Because then you go on to tell me all these sweet things that are somehow exactly what I needed to hear.”

Bucky opens his mouth again but snaps it closed again.

“And then I hear from Monica, little Monica, that you are in love with me?” She gestured vaguely around her with her jaw slack. “What the fuck kind of bullshit?”

“What would you have had me do? When I first saw you, I knew that you were exactly the kind of person I could fall in love with. And then I find out you’re already married. So I thought that if I brushed you off that you would ignore me and then once I got over my infatuation then I could become friends with you -”

“That sounds like a load of -”

“I’m not done,” he mirrored her words and she stopped talking, “But then you confronted me about it. And then we started fighting all the time. Instead of me realizing that I could never love someone like you my dumbass goes and does the opposite. It really didn’t take me long to realize I was madly in love with you. But you were married and happily so, or so it appeared.

“And then Monica asked me what was wrong one day and I told her and she said ‘well, you’re fucked aren’t you’. Which is exactly what I needed to hear from a child,” he took a deep breath, “So, yes. I’m in love with you. But I never expected anything to happen and I still don’t. But I don’t hate you, I never did.”

Y/n stood there staring at him and she realized something. She and Bradley haven’t worked for a while, and she hadn’t been in love with him for a while.

“I’m sorry if that’s not what you wanted to hear,” Bucky said.

“I just -” she made eye contact with him, “I should go.”

* * *

It didn’t take long for Bradley to agree to sign the divorce papers. After it was finalized Y/n was sad for a short while before Carol told her that she could be sad or she could go out and slut it up. And she did a version of that, she started going on dates.

It had been a few months until she realized that she hated dating. The whole thing was a dance that she no longer found fun, and even though she just got out of a long term relationship she missed it. The problem was she knew who she wanted to be with.

She hadn’t seen him recently, he hadn’t been showing up to the brunches nor the game nights that Maria had started hosting. So Y/n went to him.

She knocked at his door late at night, too late because when he opened the door, he looked like he’d been in the middle of sleeping.

“Shit,” she looked down at her phone and saw the time, “I’m sorry, I didn’t realize that was the time I’ll come back later.

“No, it’s fine I’m already awake,” he mumbled and walked further into his apartment leaving the door open behind him.

Y/n followed him and closed the door behind him. She rocked back on her heels unsure of how to start.

“Is there a reason that you woke me up in the middle of the night? Or did you just want to stand in the middle of my entryway?” Bucky asked.

“You’ve been ignoring me,” not exactly what she’d planned on saying.

“Well, I confess my love for you, and then you walk away which is fine you’d just found out that your husband had been cheating on you. But then a month later you start dating pretty much everything with a heartbeat -”

“Are you judging me for getting of Bradley?” She scoffed.

“No, I’m pissed because you never said anything else to me about what I said to you that night. You just ignore me and run off doing whatever with whoever. And that hurt, Y/n. I wish you would’ve just told me that you don’t feel the same then I could’ve -”

“And what if I do?” She cut him off.

“What?” He breathed.

“I think I’ve known for a while now but I was married and then I had to make sure that I wasn’t just running into the arms of the first man who said that he loved me. I thought I would need more time but I don’t want anyone else.”

A ghost of a smile appeared on Bucky’s face. “So what now?”

She took a few steps towards him. “What do you want to do?”

“I would like to take you out on a date,” he said.

“I like the sound of that,” she said with a smile.

[thelittlehansy]

Things that i defintly learn about hans in a frozen heart

He has a big big feeling to feel needed/necesserary ?

and wants to help. Like the fact that he is 13th in line and he will never be needed is really a big deal for him at the start of the book.

He has a very very unhealty relationship with his dad.

The king humiliate him in public in front of the whole room where his mother birthday takes place and then ignore him to talk to his oldest son and hans reaction : how quickly he has forgot him ? And then he dream about be the only son of his dad go hunting with him be give the kingdom and his dad telling him how pround he is of him but then the dream end and he realize how unworthy he actually is and that his dad is never gonna stop hating him. He also tried to earn his father trust by doing every single thing for him , but it last 3 years to do it and in the end the king did lose a little of his coldness but still dont trust him. So in thr end we have the king who it didnt bother him at all to use his son for everything and hans who lost a lot of energy in order to not have entierly his trust at the end

But hans seem just so emotionally dependant on him ! The king also he ignore his son but order him to go to her mother birthday where he know he is gonna be ignore and bully. he ignore him is cold but ask him do not dissapoint him. He chat with his oldest and let his others son throw bread at hans. So yeah very unhealty relationship.

He is a person full of contradiction 😄😄

Hans in the book basically

" i m gonna go in arendelle and then never see my brothers and father again" hans later after he propose to anna

" my father is gonna be so pround of me i needed no one to marry " and after he say to anna that they should invite his brothers to the wedding. 🤣🤣

Also he keep saying that he wants to leave the southern isles dont see them again that they are violent that he despise them , but at the same time show them wrong have their respect his dad pround of him show them.hans wants to live far far away from them but with them in his head 😂Oh not so much because he did say at one moment that he cant see his family now not before be crown king. So he did plan after be crown king to saw them again ?😂 to show them hans king of arendelle ? 😄

Decide yourself hans 😄😄 you wants to go in arendelle to leave them or just to be king and show them the great king hans of arendelle.😄

He is Diplomatic

He hates violence despise it and use it if only he didnt have choice because violence = brothers and father him he is not like them. He is diplomatic and have all the time tried to find peaceful solution.

He has low self esteem.

He feel like throaway , worthless and is insecure.

He is someone that can be bossy

He hates being treat like a child

[punkscowardschampions]

Amelia & Jac

Amelia: [okay so I'll put here what we said, for Jac's 18th Savannah sent her some flowers and Amelia binned them, obviously a big fight ensued and they haven't interacted from then in September to now which is nearly Christmas until Amelia sends her a christmas gift of the gay book with a portrait of Jac inside that'll just fall out when she picks it up and a chanel lipstick of some cute shade or other] Jac: [my vibe was if it was left on the step, leaving the book out there and taking the lipstick to send a message 'cos assumedly we'll walk past at some point as we live central] Amelia: [love that] Jac: If you were gonna take it upon yourself to decide I didn't want Savannah's gift, you should have also realised the same rule would apply to yourself Amelia: maybe Jac: No, you should have Jac: you wasted your money and time Amelia: I've got nothing else to do with either, so it hardly matters Jac: I'm not your distraction Jac: leave me alone Amelia: no, you're way more than that Amelia: but okay Jac: I don't have the energy for this Amelia: I didn't do this to force a conversation with you Jac: right Amelia: you're right, I shouldn't have got you anything Jac: you really shouldn't Jac: I don't want anything from you Amelia: alright, message received Jac: for fuck's sake Amelia: What do you want me to say? Amelia: it's been months, I miss you, I hate this Jac: You're about a lifetime too late for any of this Jac: things change Amelia: just go then Jac: Don't tell me what to do Jac: you haven't even apologized Amelia: because you're the only one who can tell me what I should or shouldn't do, okay then Jac: I declined your gift because I don't fucking want it Jac: that's my decision Jac: you can't force it on me Amelia: like it was my decision to get you one, even if you don't fucking want it Amelia: like it's my decision not to apologise when I'm not sorry Jac: it wasn't your decision to make Amelia: I know that Jac: She reached out to me Jac: and you ruined it Amelia: she didn't reach out, it was a cop out Jac: she remembered Jac: she didn't have to do anything Amelia: she didn't do anything Amelia: not even sign her name Amelia: fuck's sake,  and you're mad at ME for my lack of apology Jac: Yes she did, she sent my favourite flowers Jac: and yes I'm fucking mad at you, you don't even know what you started Amelia: at least hold her to the same standard Jac: No, because you aren't the same Jac: and this gift meant something to me, the gesture did Jac: and you couldn't stand that so you took it away Amelia: the false hope meant something to you Amelia: of course I can't stand that Jac: there's nothing false about it Jac: she was never here for my birthday before, not as my friend, she had no reason to remember, I'm blocked on anything that would tell her Amelia: because it's so hard to get around being blocked Jac: so, that would just prove she cared enough to look Jac: either way, that meant something Amelia: it doesn't mean she's coming back Amelia: or dumping her boyfriend Jac: it still means more to me than anything you could ever give or do Jac: so you deal with that Amelia: I can't Jac: You'll find my sympathy running a bit low Amelia: that's how I always find it Jac: I don't have the space in my head or my life to care about you Jac: alright, and I've never said different Amelia: yeah you have Jac: when? Jac: a million years ago when we were kids Jac: life's moved on from then Amelia: this year, things have happened that mean something, you've made space for me and cared about me Amelia: I don't need words, you lie whenever you speak anyway Amelia: and yeah, that's how long it's been, that's she's been gone and I've been here for you Amelia: you can't deal with that any better than you're telling me I have to Jac: I've only cared about myself Jac: that's facts Jac: you've been of some use and that's about as deep as it gets Jac: ask anyone, Amelia Amelia: No Jac: Yes Amelia: you love to make me look and feel crazy but I'm actually not Jac: because normal people throw other people's presents away Amelia: you know why I did Jac: and normal people let themselves be treated like this Jac: yeah, you're so right Amelia: there's a massive gap between normal and the levels of delusional you're trying to make me out to be right now Jac: I'm not trying to make you out to be anything Jac: I'm trying to get you to leave me alone, at best Amelia: and I've said I will Jac: then go Amelia: [does] Amelia: [gonna take this moment to tell you what the book is, We Are Okay by Nina LaCour it's obvs gay and YA again but we've lost the optimism of the previous Christmas because this one is about grief and loss and loneliness, basically this girl leaves her life behind without saying a word (again to go to college lol) after her grandad dies but then her friend who she's in love with and who I think is straight comes to visit her there so she gotta start dealing with all her shit, very apt Amelia well done. I think it does have a happy ending for said main character based on the title but not a fluffy one and she isn't getting with that friend I'm p sure] Amelia: [In clearer terms, this is a book about Marin, a girl who has lost her grandfather, and in doing so, pushed away her former best friend, Mabel. So when Mabel comes to town, Marin does not know what to do with the memories. Marin at once does not want Mabel here, regrets her being here, but also desperately wants Mabel to love her. She has walls up and she wants them down, but she is too terrified for them to ever come down. Marin has lost everything, including Mabel, her best friend and her maybe-something-more.  But it’s not a romance between Marin and Mabel. That is what is perhaps the saddest part. I once saw Nina LaCour talk live about this book, and she said something that perfectly sums up what is so arresting about this book: being queer and in love with your best friend is different than being straight and in love with your best friend. One is an experience in first love, and one is also that, but with an added experience of fear – not of rejection but of disgust. We do not want to hurt our best friends by loving them. We have learned to be ashamed of love and we carry that with us, through thick and through thin. BYE] Jac: [well, v on the nose, soz we won't be reading that hun and we didn't read the last one, so rude] Amelia: [maybe years from now bitch you will and you'll see what we were trying to give you] Jac: [perhaps but clearly not this one as it has essentially washed away lmao] Amelia: [something v poetic about a book about grief and loss and loneliness getting left on the step to disintegrate, when this is a film or netflix show I'll be v smug] Jac: [truly, the drama of it all] Jac: [setting it on fire is so last year, anyway, my thought is Amelia sees Jac and Jesse out somewhere but not out out like somewhere boring and every day which is confusing as it was to the fam 'cos she knows she's not talking or hanging out with them so she's like hmm] Amelia: [good idea but I don't know how I'm gonna be like oi what are you doing when it's none of your business hen LOL] Jac: [Jesse could talk to her 'cos we've established doesn't take a hint and it's like the most awkward] Amelia: [yeah because they are gonna be lowkey friends off and on even though she said they weren't after the vday thing last year so and maybe she asks about his gig he's meant to be doing or whatever cos he would've had to announce he ain't doing it on socials and everything like] Jac: [Jac just casually snapping at her like mind yo business Amelia] Amelia: [I'll pick the convo up after that fun little interaction then] Jac: [when you shoulda said nothing but it came out henny] Amelia: Don't talk to me like that Jac: Don't talk to my brother how's that Amelia: redundant Amelia: because I'll talk to him whenever I like as long as he's not the one upset about it Jac: Yeah, you've established you're a liar before now Amelia: No, we've established I have nothing to gain by keeping any promises to you Jac: and I give a fuck about what you wanna take from me Jac: you need to disappear, I don't want you in my life now, not even peripherally Amelia: I don't wanna take anything from you and I'm not Amelia: but disappearing isn't an option for a bit Jac: Contradict yourself immediately, it's really not a waste of my time Amelia: You're wasting your own time by continuing to have a go at me Amelia: when school's over we'll both be leaving, until then we're both stuck Jac: It wouldn't be a waste of time if you actually listened Amelia: likewise Jac: to what? Amelia: me obviously Jac: you have nothing I've ever wanted to hear Jac: and you're continuing to talk more bullshit now Jac: literally, mind your own business, it should not be hard Amelia: neither should getting your head around the concept that me talking to Jess isn't about you Jac: he isn't your friend Jac: he's my brother, I trump any kind of connection you had or wanna have for whatever sad reason Jac: so yeah, fuck off Amelia: if you want to make him choose, give him your bullshit ultimatum, I won't be Jac: No, you leave us alone Jac: it's like having a fucking stalker Jac: I am sick of the sight of you Amelia: I have left you alone like you asked Amelia: he's asked me to do no such thing Jac: You're pathetic Jac: get some friends of your own and you wouldn't have to cling on to someone being civil towards you Amelia: I've heard it all before Jac: then take the hint Jac: I'm so fed up of you and your moping Amelia: then take the 'advice' you're trying to give me and fuck off Jac: you see me coming, you should turn the other way Jac: I did not need to see you today, fuck's sake Amelia: yeah, I'll turn my desk around too, get back into detention, it has been a while Amelia: I wasn't looking for you, I don't want to see you either Jac: then it's in your best interest to run when you see Jesse coming then Jac: so glad you reached the logical conclusion, try to do it at the time next time, tah Amelia: bye then Jac: you're unbelievable Jac: you don't even feel remotely bad for what you've done Amelia: of course I fucking do Jac: bullshit Amelia: No it's not Amelia: but I'm not going to sit here and type out how and why I feel like shit when it means nothing Jac: you aren't sorry, you said, and you've not made any kind of attempt to actually make amends, not that you can now, it's too late Jac: it's all about how you feel and that you miss me and whatever else Jac: you don't care what I've been through Amelia: I'm not sorry for 🗑💐 but I'm sorry for hurting you Amelia: and that this means I'm not there now for whatever is happening Amelia: like you said, it's too late now Amelia: and like you also said, even if I was there, it's not good enough anyway so Jac: because this isn't some soppy book you read Jac: you aren't gonna save me and it'll all be happily ever afters Jac: this is real life and it's so much bigger than all this Jac: shit that you care about Amelia: yeah, it's my real life too Jac: none of this is real Jac: you're putting off getting one by kidding yourself that this will ever happen Amelia: it is to me Jac: just wait Jac: you'll find out soon enough Jac: this is nothing, all of it Amelia: maybe to you Jac: no fucking maybe Jac: you're a child, your problems are childish Jac: that's factual and I can't pretend to entertain it now Amelia: then don't Amelia: my problems aren't the same as yours because I'm not you any more than I could be Savannah fucking Moore, but guess what, it's not a competition Jac: they're non-existent Amelia: No, they exist, same as I do Amelia: but you don't have to bother about them or me Jac: Get over yourself, Amelia Jac: people have real shit going on, real stuff to deal with Jac: and you want anyone to care about your self-inflicted, whiney, entitled bullshit Jac: for what? 'cos you're an AMAZING friend, yeah, you don't use everything to your advantage or make it all about you Amelia: not really, I want you get away from me like you keep saying you want Jac: I didn't send you a present, loser Amelia: I didn't start a conversation about it Amelia: or keep this one going Jac: because you should feel fucking bad about what you did and you don't Jac: not even an eighth of what I do Amelia: I do feel bad, what do you want me to do to prove it, kill myself? For fuck's sake Jac: yeah good idea Amelia: nothing is good enough for you Amelia: you'd even twist that into something it isn't Jac: fucking try it Jac: I don't want you around Amelia: okay Jac: my life is ruined Jac: you don't get to be okay, you don't get to care about your pathetic crush Amelia: you don't get to tell me what to do or how to feel because your life is ruined Jac: Yes I do Amelia: No you don't Jac: really 'cos you've been pretty easy to manipulate this far Jac: don't act as if you've had say in anything Jac: that's about the only use you have had Amelia: well it's over, all of it Jac: call it like it hasn't been for months on my say so Jac: what is the point of you being alive, actually Amelia: I don't know Amelia: my parents, I guess Jac: good luck with getting that to last then Amelia: 🤞🍀🌠 Jac: give you 'til your late 20s before that stops being enough Amelia: it already isn't Jac: like I said, find some real trauma like the rest of us Jac: gives you something to cling to Amelia: or more to collapse under the weight of Jac: you don't even want to survive Amelia: and what? Jac: and that's the fundamental reason Savannah is better than you Jac: and I am too Jac: all I have is the shit behind me to drive me forwards Jac: and your ideal is to wallow in it Amelia: you've got a million reasons why, I don't care how they're numbered, to be honest Jac: you deserve the nothing you're left with and the nothingness that's coming Amelia: that's worked out perfectly then Jac: I swear to God you're lucky he was there Jac: any other day Amelia: yeah Amelia: you know what lessons to find me in Jac: I'm taking time off Jac: so you can have them Amelia: I really am lucky Amelia: maybe it'll make me care about 20 years in the future, like you do, or 5 or 1 Amelia: drive me forwards too Jac: unlikely Amelia: right now it is Amelia: I'm just trying to get through this conversation Jac: Jesus Amelia: my 🤔💭 exactly Jac: you clueless bitch Amelia: what am I supposed to be clued into? Amelia: we haven't spoken for ages Jac: and that's hardly a mystery Amelia: slag me off as much as you like, I don't know what's going on Jac: didn't inherit that off your mum then Amelia: clearly not Jac: yeah well when she finds out somehow you can hear all about it Amelia: finds out what? Jac: now you're gonna ask how I am Amelia: if you were in the hospital again or something that's more important than any of this bullshit Amelia: please just tell me Jac: no, because you did a grand gesture I didn't ask for so now I'm really all good Amelia: a Christmas present isn't a grand gesture Amelia: or what matters Jac: yeah, no shit it isn't Amelia: can you just Jac: what, tell you what's wrong with me? Jac: will that make you feel better Amelia: No Jac: yeah, that makes it almost seem worth it Amelia: forget it Amelia: I'll find out when everyone else does or I won't Jac: yeah Jac: your fake concern for 2 seconds was really comforting Amelia: nothing about this is fake for me Amelia: I don't know how many more times or ways I can make that fucking obvious Jac: you're all talk Jac: I expect nothing more or less from you at this point Amelia: because talking is all I can do Amelia: you won't take a 🎁 I'm not risking an actual gesture Jac: yeah, I heard Jac: nothing in it for you Amelia: okay, tell me I'm wrong Amelia: tell me there is Jac: no Amelia: say something Amelia: give me literally anything Jac: how many times can you be told it's not about you before you get it Jac: it's not about caring because I throw you false hope Jac: we were friends, once Amelia: which is exactly why I want you to tell me what it's really about Amelia: I care about you, I fucking love you Amelia: and something bad has happened Jac: depends on your point of view Amelia: put all of this bullshit between us aside and talk to me Amelia: you said it, we were friends Jac: I don't know if I actually want to hurt you this bad Jac: call me stupid Amelia: it's not about me, remember? Jac: still Jac: it's Amelia: you aren't going to talk to anyone else Jac: Jesse knows Jac: and my parents Amelia: that doesn't mean they know how you feel, just what's happened Jac: you won't be able to know either Jac: it isn't gay Amelia: this can still be one of those times where you say things to me that you don't to anyone else, if you want Amelia: if it'll help you Jac: Nothing will help me Jac: but I don't care Jac: I've got a baby Amelia: what? Jac: a dead one now Amelia: oh Jac: yep Amelia: when? Jac: it's why Jesse cancelled his gig Amelia: of course Amelia: that makes sense Jac: so now you know Amelia: yeah Jac: so yeah, there's nothing to be said or done and that's seriously it Amelia: okay, well I'm here if that ever changes Amelia: my mum's never gotten over it but I know talking helped her Jac: talking isn't going to assuage the guilt of creating and destroying life Jac: maybe I'll go pray but I doubt that does either Amelia: I don't know Amelia: there must be a reason therapy is so popular, you're the wannabe psychologist Jac: hope Jac: I'm not interested Amelia: alright, no talking Amelia: do you want to go out? Jac: and bleed over the four pairs of tights I'd have to wear to stop it running straight down my legs? Amelia: a no would be a perfectly acceptable answer Jac: yeah, it's perfectly acceptable to bother a therapist about it so you never mention it to anyone else Amelia: you're not going to mention it anyway, you've said as much Jac: that has nothing to do with your sensibilities Jac: if I wanted to, I could go into horrific detail Amelia: yeah, you could Amelia: you could also bleed all over my car if you wanted to Jac: Yeah right Jac: your entire street is curtain twitchers Amelia: we won't be hanging out on my street Jac: there's nowhere I could go that'll make me forget either Amelia: you've been stuck inside for days with your family, it's hardly a grand gesture to suggest taking you literally anywhere else Amelia: but okay Jac: Jess won't let me go anyway Jac: last time I said I'd hang out with you and he believed it I fucked your girlfriend so Amelia: you kissed her Jac: oh yeah Jac: same difference Amelia: no Amelia: there's quite a big difference Jac: maybe I told him I did then Jac: I don't remember Amelia: probably Jac: the outcome was the same is the point Amelia: the point is, Jess won't let you go Amelia: I got that Jac: I had to have someone come with Amelia: yeah Jac: not about to ask the poor sod who did it Amelia: have you told him though? Jac: yeah Jac: fucking embarrassing Amelia: I assume you're less likely to accidentally run into him than you are me Jac: I think I got points for dealing with it and being cool anyway Jac: go me Amelia: great Jac: it don't matter Jac: only would have if he'd kicked up a fuss Jac: but he didn't seem the sort and that's one less thing for me to feel guilty about so fuck it Amelia: does Darla know? Jac: I told her false alarm Jac: had to ask her about him so Amelia: then why do you think everyone's going to find out? Jac: people somehow always do Jac: I don't care anymore, not now Amelia: if my mum hasn't heard, it's unlikely Amelia: she knew about your alcohol poisoning immediately Jac: beneath her to have connections with an abortion clinic Amelia: she's not god squad Jac: close enough Amelia: my aunt had one after having Olivia, there was something wrong with the baby apparently Amelia: my mum wasn't protesting outside Jac: that's different then Jac: you have a reason, people can repeat that to themselves until they forget about it Amelia: you had a reason too Amelia: everyone does Jac: no, I had an excuse Amelia: you had a reason Jac: no, I didn't Amelia: yeah, you did Amelia: and if anyone else did it for the same reason you wouldn't call it an excuse Jac: Yes I would Amelia: you hate yourself, before this, after this and because of this Amelia: stop Jac: I didn't need to get pregnant, I did and then I killed it Jac: anyone who did that, I'd think exactly the same Amelia: you didn't mean to Amelia: and if you're going to punish yourself this hard for every mistake you ever make then you're going to last even less time than you think I will Jac: You don't act like that not not mean to Jac: all I need to do is live this year then I'll be doing what I actually want Amelia: and that's enough of a reason, don't you get that Jac: enough of a reason for what Amelia: you can't just have a baby you don't want Amelia: it's not like fucking lads you don't care about Jac: no one made me do any of it Jac: so it's not a reason Jac: it's stepping away from any responsibility Amelia: you made you Amelia: and you'd be a shit mum Jac: no, that's bullshit Jac: you tell yourself what you like about it but I know what I did Amelia: tell me you enjoyed it, any of the times Jac: it's sex Jac: that's one of but not the only point Amelia: say it then Amelia: what your point is Jac: Why am I repeating myself? Jac: I know what I did Jac: you aren't going to convince me otherwise Amelia: Why are you doing it? Jac: Well I can't anymore, actually Jac: 2 weeks minimum Amelia: but why have you ever? Jac: because I want to Amelia: you want Savannah Amelia: it hasn't helped you forget that, it won't Jac: neither do you but you didn't tell me not to do that Jac: I can still want to fuck guys Jac: end of Amelia: fine, I'll say it now Jac: yeah Amelia: I can't do this any more Jac: we aren't Amelia: we've said that before, it has to be different this time Jac: whatever Jac: you expect me to make promises to you? Jac: I don't fucking care, Amelia Jac: you deal with it, it's not my problem Amelia: okay Jac: Christ sake Amelia: What? Jac: Never mind, right, off you go Amelia: I'm not going Jac: 🙄 Amelia: you don't care, I heard you before Jac: you want it to be different this time Jac: do something about it Amelia: I'm not having sex with you, that's what I'm doing differently Jac: what's the point in that Jac: doing all the other shit, there's barely any difference Amelia: because I shouldn't have ever but I can't take any of it back Jac: we don't need to be friends either Amelia: we're not Jac: then leave Jac: why half-arse it, that's my point Amelia: I can't leave Jac: just the situation Jac: you don't actually need to kill yourself Amelia: no, I can't leave you Jac: don't be daft Amelia: I'm not repeating myself either Jac: please yourself Amelia: fuck you Jac: you'll be a long time waiting for a thank you Jac: I didn't ask for this Amelia: neither did I Jac: you have a choice Amelia: yeah, and I've made it Jac: and what? Jac: what would you like me to say? Amelia: don't say anything Amelia: I'd honestly love that Jac: yeah, I bet Amelia: the back and forth between utter lies and bullshit and brutal fucking honesty is worse than just the gaslighting Jac: then go away Jac: you're doing this to you Jac: I don't want you here Amelia: you're doing it to me Jac: no, I'm not Amelia: you are Jac: I'm literally telling you to go Amelia: you're always telling me to go Amelia: it's been over a year Jac: your lack of resolve is not my fault Amelia: if you really don't want me here, do something about it Jac: No, because I'm not crying about it Jac: if you feel so gaslit, fuck off Jac: don't reply, don't engage Jac: I don't owe you anything Amelia: you're literally complaining about it Jac: because you're crying wolf Jac: I can and will do what I want, that's how it's always been Amelia: It's no different for me, I've always done what I want too Jac: no, you're being horribly manipulated and used Jac: poor little Amelia Amelia: you fucking said it as a brag earlier Amelia: how easy it is Jac: so why are you repeating it back to me, like I don't know? Jac: you're waiting for me to deny it, or apologize and say it's not true and I care SO much Jac: get real Amelia: I'm waiting for you to stop Amelia: actually do anything you say you're going to Jac: why? Jac: why are you expecting me to act like I'm fine when I'm not Jac: keep making the same wrong call and act surprised when I do what feels right Jac: for fuck's sake, Amelia Amelia: I don't know Amelia: maybe because I'm not fine either but I don't treat you like this Jac: maybe 'cos you've got no willpower Jac: maybe 'cos struggling is a competition and I'm winning Amelia: maybe Jac: 🤔💭 on that Amelia: obviously Jac: fun never stops Jac: enjoy, like Amelia: 🎢 🎠🎪 Jac: 'tis the season Amelia: Merry Christmas 🎄🎅⛄ Jac: great Amelia: yeah Jac: make you feel better that? Amelia: 1. you literally don't care 2. neither do I Jac: I'm literally still bleeding from having my baby chemically expelled and you don't get any joy out of wishing me a Merry Christmas? Jac: what is the fucking point, if you're gonna be a cunt, commit to it Amelia: there's no point to any of this, we both get that Jac: nah, it actually makes me feel better to make you feel worse Jac: that's the point Jac: I have loads of them Jac: it's you who has zero idea what the fuck she's doing Jac: as per Amelia: oh well in that case, carry on Jac: if you hadn't worked that out by now, there is no hope for you Amelia: there's no hope for me anyway, as you've said repeatedly Jac: you seem pretty resigned to this whole victim thing you've got going on Jac: it's a fair observation Amelia: I'm sure it is Jac: yep, that's right, curl up into a ball 'til it's over Jac: fuck this Amelia: until what's over? Jac: the attack, whatever you wanna call it Amelia: I don't want to call it anything, I don't want to do this Amelia: you're the one who's getting something out of it, unless that's another lie Jac: then don't Jac: why the fuck are you still here? Amelia: because I can't fucking leave when you're in the middle of an abortion Amelia: for fuck's sake Jac: the good friend points are not being counted any more Amelia: I don't care Amelia: if this is all I can do, over nothing, then so be it Jac: you're gonna let yourself be a punching bag Jac: seriously Amelia: why not? Amelia: it's not like it's the first time, or that I haven't for things that matter less Amelia: and it's too late to change any of that Jac: because I want you to stop Jac: to fight back Jac: to not do this shit anymore Amelia: I'm not fighting you right now, even if I had the strength to ever Jac: it's like Jac: you don't understand how dangerous it is Jac: what if this was someone else Jac: do you wanna end up like that, getting knocked about and taken advantage of Amelia: I don't give a fuck about the future, remember? Jac: well stop it Amelia: no Jac: stop Amelia: no Jac: fine Jac: I'll go Amelia: okay, go

[uwuyourpxrker]

All the Things You Are - 1

Pairing: Peter Parker x Female reader

Soulmate au! Where at age 16 all the females have a dream about their soulmate, but it only shows them one trait about them, whether it be physical or a personal trait, like a hobby or something they like. When they wake up the next day you start to see color, but you only see one color with the corresponding object, example: if you wake up seeing red you’ll only see things that are red in real life. You get to see more color the more emotional interactions you have with your soulmate; depending how they affect you emotionally, positively or negatively. At the end when you finally receive enough emotional interaction or a big emotional impact, you get a final dream where it shows you their identity. When you finally tell them that they’re your soulmate and they stay with you, you start to see all the colors at once. (This is explained more as the story goes on.)

Summary: Y/n has been anxiously waiting for her 16th birthday in order to finally get a glimpse at who her soulmate will be. It only happens that her birthday falls on the day of her class’s trip to Europe. Things start to get out of hand as strange events start to occur on this trip. The most confusing part is that her dream consists of something very peculiar… is that a spider? (The reader doesn’t know that Peter’s spiderman)

Follows the events of Far From Home except when Peter gets exposed. After the trip the story continues.

Warnings: swearing, barely any angst or fluff… basically a short introduction

Word count: 3k+

A/n: So this is my first post so I apologize if it sucks, I’ve never done anything like this before. Also, I guess the reader is like that every other girl in fanfictions that’s kinda awkward. Honestly the reader is oblivious to a lot of things at the beginning. Also, the words sometimes change from past tense to present tense but that’s because I get it mixed up since I look at it from different pov’s. It also sometimes changes pov’s.

_______________________________________

“Happy birthday y/n!,” your mom shouted at you as she barged through your bedroom door.

Taken aback, you jumped and gasped loudly at the shock of being abruptly awakened. Your mother chuckled as she looked at your tensed up form. You looked at your mirror and took in your appearance: messy hair sticking out wildly, and a shocked expression worn on your face. You couldn’t blame her for being amused at how you look.

“Thanks, mom,” you grumbled as you rubbed your eyes and yawned, flopping back onto your bed and pulling the covers over your head. You heard rustling and soon enough you felt the warm embrace of the covers leave your body, leaving you feeling exposed.

“Well good morning to you too,” your mom said as she crossed her arms and looked at you. “Aren’t you excited? It’s your sixteenth birthday!,” your mom exclaimed as you started to slowly wake up and come to your senses.

As you slowly sat up tiredly it hit you: you’re 16 now… holy shit you’re 16. Well, technically you’re supposed to be 21, but you blipped so that changed the time in when you were supposed to age; but that didn’t matter because you’re 16!

You definitely knew what that meant; that when you sleep again today you’ll dream of your soulmate, the one destined to be the love of your life. You’re ecstatic! It’s such an important day!

“I know that it’s your birthday and you’re excited, but don’t forget that you have a trip today, so as much as you might want to go back to sleep, hurry up and get ready. I’ll drive you to the airport in 30 minutes,” your mom told you as she embraced you in a hug and smiled at you. You nodded frantically as she stood up and walked out of your room.

The moment your mom stepped out of your room you jumped out of bed and hurried to get ready. Not only was it your birthday but you were also going to go on a class trip to Europe! You took in your surroundings and sighed contently as you look out your window. Soon enough you’ll be able to see at least one color lingering in the horizon.

You pulled your gaze from the black and white colored sky as you turned to your dresser and began to pick out an outfit.

You threw together a cropped shirt that was light colored and some dark colored ripped jeans. It was a casual outfit since you were about to board a plane and you didn’t want to be uncomfortable.

You changed quickly then went to the mirror to get ready and do your hair. You hastily brushed your hair and put it in a half up, half down hairstyle. You looked in the mirror and smiled contently. You rushed to go put on a pair of converse and searched for your suitcase that you already packed last night. Out of the corner of your eye you saw the dark shaded suitcase and you turned around to go get it. Once you got your suitcase you made your way to the living room where you found your mom sitting on the couch watching the television.

Once she heard your footsteps she looked up and asked, “ready?” You nodded as she got up from her spot and made her way towards the door with you trailing closely behind. You turned around and took a final look of your apartment as you closed the door and locked it, trudging behind your mom.

•••••••••••

You finally arrived at the airport and you suddenly saw the familiar faces of your friends. A smile cracked on your features as you got your suitcase and hopped out of the car, telling your mom you love her in the process. Once outside of the car you waved goodbye to her as she drove off.

You made your way into the airport and towards your group of friends. You noticed one of your best friends, Peter act nervous as you saw that Ned was telling him something. Nonetheless you made your way towards them.

You saw that Peter had caught the attention of your presence and immediately told Ned to shut up and Ned seemed confused until he looked up and spotted you.

You felt somewhat hurt and left out that they were keeping something from you, but it probably wasn’t a big deal since you probably already knew.

“You guys know that if you’re discussing Peter’s plan to get MJ, I would know, right?,” you exclaimed as you finally halted in front of them.

Peter’s cheeks immediately went to slightly greyer shade (signaling blush) at the mention of the curly haired girls name.

“Shhh! Shut up! She might hear you!,” Peter exclaimed as he looked around to make sure she was nowhere near hearing distance.

You let out a discontented sigh. In all honesty you did develop a tiny crush on Peter, and him talking about MJ did hurt you a bit. At the end of the day you realized that he probably isn’t even your soulmate and that one day you’re going to meet someone who will love you immensely. That still didn’t stop you from wishing that maybe it could be Peter.

“Alright class gather around!”, Mr. Harrington exclaimed as he motioned for the class to huddle around him.

“Get your passports ready, I’ll be handing you the boarding tickets”, he said as everyone began to take out their passports.

“I’ll see you guys on the other side,'' you stated as you saluted them off and went to get your boarding ticket. Once you got your boarding ticket you went through the whole security check and waited on the other end for your friends.

Just then they announced that the flight was opened and you had to board. Sighing, you quickly left to board the plane.

You found a spot in the middle aisle and sat down. You eagerly awaited your friends arrivals. You made sure to sit on the corner so that Ned and Peter could sit on the other end, or maybe for even MJ and Betty to take the spots available as well.

Disappointment arose when they chose different seats on another aisle, Peter and Ned on the aisle to your left and MJ and Betty a few rows ahead. You felt invisible; it was your birthday and your friends just so happen to forget about you. You looked over the seats to see Peter and Ned talking about something, and how Ned started to get up from his seat.

Maybe they had a fight? But that can’t be true, they’re best friends.

Your question was answered when you overheard Ned go up to Betty and tell her something. You could make out a bit of what he was saying, something to do with an old lady wearing perfume and that Peter has a perfume allergy. Surprisingly enough, in the 5 years that you’ve known him, you don’t recall Peter having a perfume allergy.

“So Betty if you switch seats with Peter that would be great,'' you heard him say. You looked up farther then noticed the familiar bunch of curly hair. It took you awhile but then you finally remembered Peter's plan to confess to MJ and how the first step was to sit next to her on the plane. You groaned softly as you sat back down and slumped on your seat, feeling a mix of emotions at those simple words.

You didn’t hate MJ, no, in fact you adored her, she was such a good friend to you… but Peters crush on said girl is what gives you these feelings. The feelings of disappointment, defeat, and jealousy. At the end of the day you keep reminding yourself that you have a soulmate.

“Peter has a perfume allergy?! I’ll tell you from experience: perfume allergies are no joke”, you heard Mr. Harrington chime in as he got up. Ned fumbled with his words, trying to come up with an excuse to contradict the fact that Peters “perfume allergy” was bad. However, it was all in vain as Mr. Harrington got up and started to rearrange the student seating.

“MJ stand up, Ned take MJ’s spot, MJ take my spot”, Mr. Harrington began as your friends started to change seats. You looked over to where MJ was now sitting and saw that she was sitting next to Brad Davis. A wave of amusement came over you since everyone who looked close enough could tell that Brad obviously had a crush on MJ. “It must be frustrating for Peter”, you thought as you realized that his crush was now sitting next to the guy that he dreaded.

“Peter let’s get you out of there! Peter you come with me”, Mr. Harrington ordered as Peter stood there, defeated.

They made their way down the aisle until they stopped right at your row.

“Peter sit next to y/n and I’ll sit near the aisle since I have a small bladder,'' he said as he motioned for Peter to take a seat.

You saw how Peter’s face lightened up at the sight of you and how he was able to sit with one of best friends. You awkwardly said hi to him as he took a seat next to you.

“Hey Peter”, you began awkwardly as you gave him a small smile. He returned the gesture as he replied, “hey y/n”, with just as much awkwardness. You couldn’t understand why it felt awkward and tense if you guys have been friends with each other for years! Since middle school!

“Did I ever tell you guys about my wife and how she pretended to blip out? Turns out that she ran away with some guy from her hiking group… we even had a funeral for her and everything. Do you guys want to see the video? I have it right here”, Mr. Harrington suddenly barged in as he began scrolling through his phone to retrieve the video.

“Oh god, it’s too early in the day for him to be pulling this crap again,'' Peter suddenly whispered to you and you giggled at his remark.

“I know right, but what can I say? He’s just a hopeless romantic”, you stated as he smiled at the comment. “It looks like I’m not the only one with a one sided love”, you thought as the comment you just made about your teacher struck you hard.

“True true, he could’ve at least cut it today, it’s such an important day,'' Peter stated as you looked at him with a small bit of hope that maybe he remembered your birthday. He had to right? He was one of your best friends! He never forgot, but ever since his crush on Liz and now MJ, he’s been less active in your guys’ friendship. Especially after the blip too, he’s been acting so weird and distant lately and you can’t pinpoint why.

“Yeah, it’s such an important day,” you implied as you over exaggerated the last part, hoping that he might get the hint. You weren’t lying, it was a very important day for you, finally being able to see color after you sleep! You were sure bound to fall asleep on the plane, and you wondered if that counted as your sleep for the day and if that would be enough to allow you to see colors. You guessed that all your questions will be resolved when you fall asleep and wake up later on.

“Yeah, it really is, but it just got ruined with the fact that I’m not sitting next to MJ,” he told you as he looked frustrated. It didn’t surprise you that he might’ve forgotten, if all he talks about is about his plan for confessing to MJ. Still, a bit of hope dawned upon you.

You let out a small sigh of disappointment to which he took notice.

“Hey, what’s wrong?,” he questioned as he scanned your face for any signs. “It’s nothing really,” you began to say as you could feel some tears start to well up. “It’s just that it’s such an important day for me,” you confessed as you looked straight into Peter's chocolate brown eyes with your glossy, teary-eyed e/c ones.

Peter thought to himself as he took in your confession. Ned and Peter always included you in everything, so why would you be so heartbroken?

Then it finally hit him as he kept staring at your glossy eyes, it was an important day, and he just forgot his best friend's birthday.

“Oh shit, it’s your birthday, isn’t it?!”, he suddenly exclaimed as you nodded slowly and looked away. You heard Peter groan and let out a few small murmurs that consisted of cusses under his breath.

Suddenly you felt his arm around your shoulders as he pulled you in as close as the seats would let you.

“Happy birthday n/n. I’m sorry for forgetting, I know it’s such an important date to finally be 16,” he told you as you lay your head on his shoulder and sniffle a little. You two pulled away just in time to see Mr. Harrington’s amused yet shocked face.

“Guys let’s keep it PG in here, alright? No pda,” he stated as you and Peter looked at each other and began to feel embarrassed for the misunderstanding.

“No sir, it’s nothing like that I swear-”, Peter told him but Mr. Harrington cut him with a small hand gesture.

Embarrassed, the both of you just slugged back into your seats.

“Hey, I brought a dual headphone adapter… it was supposed to be used for me and MJ but uhm if you’d like maybe we can watch a movie,” Peter sheepishly told you as he showed you the adapter.

“Sure,” you replied as a small cracked on your features, making Peter feel warm inside.

•••••••••

It was an eight hour flight to Italy, so you and Peter began to watch movies, which undoubtedly turned out to be a Star Wars marathon.

Half way through the second film you began feeling tired, so you rested your head on Peter’s shoulder as you still stared at the screen.

A few moments later and you were sleeping. Peter looked at your sleeping form and suddenly felt a small flutter. He didn’t know why he felt like this, but something about seeing you so calm made him smile. Not to mention that you looked adorable perched on his shoulder.

For the first time in a long time he felt calm. It had been so hectic for him recently, that he felt so serene in the moment. He too rested his head on top of yours, and stared at the screen as he tuned into your guys’ heartbeats.

••••••••

You woke up startled at the touch of someone shaking your lightly. You looked up and saw Peter.

“Time to go, the flights over,” he explained as he got up, away from the closeness the both of you had. You nodded and then tried to calm down the flutters you felt.

You stood up and had to do a double take. Was your mind playing games on you? Your eyes perhaps? What’s that thing that you see? Color?

You looked around and noticed some people had an unfamiliar shade of color that you’ve never seen before.

Then it hit you; your dream!

Then all the images from your dream came crashing back at you as you held your head for support as you started to stumble and crash with the seats in front of you, falling backwards on the impact.

Suddenly, instead of feeling the “cushions” of the plane seats, you were met with something strong. You looked back and noticed that Peter had caught you.

“Woah there, are you ok?,” he asked as he looked at you worriedly.

You blinked a few times to get adjusted to the new color before you continued, “I had my dream! I can see a different color now,” you exclaimed as you began to feel happy.

Peter’s eyes almost bulged out of his sockets at your answer. Then he began to smile with you, feeling joy at knowing that you were closer to knowing your soulmate.

“That’s great n/n! What do you see? Can you describe it?,” he asked.

Judging from what you learned in your art class; that had a separate lesson for girls age 15 where they explained the different colors and what they would like. You recalled that your teacher mentioned that the common first colors girls see after they get their dream is either red, blue, or yellow. Based on that, you determined that the color you were seeing was one of those.

“Is it the color of my shirt?,” he asked, as Peter knew that the common colors were either red, blue, or yellow; so he pointed at his (blue) shirt.

“No,” you replied as you shook your head.

“Ok, um, how about Ned’s shirt? Do you see a color there?,” he motioned as you looked over at Ned and did in fact see color.

“Yes, the top half,” you stated as Peter looked euphoric at your answer. “Red,” he told you.

“That’s the color… well it’s more of a maroon but I’m guessing you can see all shades of red,” he told you as you nodded and smiled.

“Red..,” you whispered to yourself with a grin.

•••••••

While everybody was boarding off the plane, you were adjusting to this new color. You looked around at your surroundings and sometimes caught glimpses of a shade of red. You felt elated! This was so different, so new! It felt amazing!

Then, you came to another realization. You learned from your teacher what the different colors mean. If you saw the color blue then you haven’t met your soulmate yet, if you saw yellow then that means you’ve seen them at least twice before. If you got red then that means that your soulmate is a close acquaintance of yours… but that didn’t make sense. You already knew your soulmate? You were delighted yet confused. You then tried to remember your dream to see if you can get any answers as to who it might be.

“Hey, y/n!,” you heard the voice of a girl say. You turned around and saw MJ walking towards you, Ned, Betty, and Peter trailing behind. You looked at them and then noticed that Ned and Betty were holding hands.

“Woah there, what’s going on here?,” you asked with a chuckle as you motioned to Ned and Betty’s interlocked hands.

“Well we spend time together on the plane and realized that we have a lot in common, so now we’re dating,” Ned told you as Betty went closer to Ned. “I’m so happy for you guys!,” you exclaimed as you gave them a thumbs up.

“Yeah, and I heard that’s not the only thing that happened on the plane,” MJ told you as she looked at Peter.

“Peter told me that you had the dream,” she told you with interest. “So then, what was your dream?,” she asked you.

You then tried to recall your dream, then you remembered. Your face contorted into confusion as the images flashed back. This didn’t go unnoticed by Peter and MJ as they began sending you questioning looks and concern.

“So then-,” Peter began to say until you cut him off with your answer.

“Spider,” you told them as the confusion never left your face.

“It was a spider.”

A/n: sorry it sucked, I’m not the best at writing. Part 2 will come out shortly after I’m not as busy.

[misc-headcanons]

Bleach and One Piece Match-Up Request

Name: Corethra (or Corey for short)

Age: 24

Gender: Female

Sexual Orientation: Heterosexual

Occupation: Hand Packer at an ice cream factory

Zodiac Sign: Pisces (born March 2)

Chinese Zodiac: Year Of The Pig

MBTI Type: INFJ

Alignment: Lawful Neutral

Hogwarts House: Slytherin

Love Language: Acts Of Service

Race/Ethnicity: African-American

Height: 4'11 (Call me short and I’ll kick your butt!)

Body Type/Shape: Average but well developed figure at best. I weigh about 158 lbs and am pretty insecure about my body.

Hair Color/Style: Black and naturally curly but I keep it relaxed and flat-ironed so it’s straight. It’s long and goes down to just below my shoulder blades.

Glasses or No?: Yes I wear glasses

Eye Color: Brown

Dress Style: I usually dress up in a casual way, just throwing on whatever looks good at the time but I will sometimes put in the effort when the time calls for it or when I’m in a good mood. I have an affinity for the punk, emo, and goth styles and I don’t like feminine clothes.

Hobbies/Interests: Video games, reading, writing, anime, internet surfing, listening to music, politics (sometimes), watching movies/TV shows, basically being an overall nerd

Dislikes: Ignorance, stupidity, restriction, manipulation/gas-lighting, bullying, humanity, not being understood

Personality: At first glance, I seem quiet and keep to myself, only speaking when I need to or when I’m spoken to. I’m an anti-social introvert to the fullest and don’t care much for small talk or going out. I prefer to have deeper conversations. When I get comfortable enough in whatever environment I’m in, I start to open up bit by bit. I’m a tomboy and pretty rough-minded as well as stubborn. I’m very sassy, have a smart, sarcastic, and witty mouth if not humorous and outrageous at times, can be borderline rude, and I’m more sensitive than I care to be. I can literally cry at someone’s suffering especially if it’s someone I’m close to or even a total stranger. I’m very empathetic and my heart is bigger than what most people would expect. Most people describe me as quiet, intelligent, creative, dorky, a smartass, and really sweet. I love a good laugh and have an open sense of humor to boot.

Many of my friends say that I’m very sweet and kind which I usually am if I’m in a good mood as well as affectionate as hell. Hugs and pet names galore with me! However only my friends and family see that side of me. My language is often unfiltered, harsh, foul, and blunt which shocks people because they think I’m a pure angel. I say what I want when I want and no one tells me otherwise. If they do, they can expect a mouthful from me. I’m an escapist and very imaginative, can be a bit scatterbrained at times, and I’m methodical and detailed to the point of perfectionism. I’m usually a walking contradiction in terms of personality in so many ways to the point where the real me is almost impossible to decipher. To make matters more complicated, I’m not very good at expressing myself verbally and prefer to let my actions do the talking.

I have many pet peeves and I get annoyed easily in general. I’m also slowly embracing misanthropy and nihilism but I can be pretty idealistic so it balances out. I’m practically zero tolerance when it comes to bullshit. I hate confrontation and conflict but I’m starting to work on it so I can be less passive-aggressive and more assertive. I also wish to stand up for myself more often than I should so people won’t think that I’m weak and an easy target. I’m pretty cynical which is to be expected and usually expect the worst from people. When someone angers me, I will either just withdraw altogether and completely cut them off (slam the door basically) or get in their face and go off before doing the former. I’m the “hold my anger in and release it all at once” type but I hope to change that one day and stop letting things fester before they get out of hand. I can be quite petty and even cold as well and if someone wrongs me, they will have to make the first move to mend fences. I refuse to apologize if I’m not in the wrong and I will not accept gaslighting/guilt tripping.

I have issues with trust and a wild imagination to boot. I usually trust my instincts and can see right through bullshit. I don’t like taking risks and I have to know all the details when I do something so I don’t mess up and look like an idiot. I am indeed a perfectionist to a fault which often prevents me from trying new things and going outside my comfort zone. I haven’t been in a relationship yet and am still a virgin due to my issues with trust and not wanting to be hurt or humiliated as well as being picky/perfectionistic with the people I allow in my life. I have high standards for both people and myself although I’m pretty laid-back and my dislike of conflict allows me to also take a lot of shit from people too before I eventually say “fuck it” and slam the door on them. I don’t think very highly of myself and can sometimes fall into a period of self-hatred.

Many people praise me for my intelligence which is fitting since I’m an intellectual. My ideals and beliefs are rather odd to say the least (I’m a classical liberal/independent and despise most ideologies/ideas. This includes religion, feminism, social justice, traditionalism, statism, big government, nationalism, socialism/communism, etc.) and I feel misunderstood because of it (mostly because of the black community ostracizing me). I am indeed a rebel, open-minded, and a free thinker. No one tells me how to think or feel or else they face my wrath. I highly value power over myself and I think it’s the most important thing that a person needs in order to survive. I am definitely an outcast at heart and I often distance myself from others and don’t like talking about my feelings or beliefs because I think most people lack the ability/capacity to understand me. Before I give my opinion on something, I like to do as much research as possible as well as look at things from all perspectives before coming to my own conclusion. I don’t mind discussing things but I prefer logic over emotion when doing so which makes it damn near impossible these days for me to have an real conversation without insults and threats being thrown (usually towards me). Chances are I’m gonna find something wrong with damn near anything someone believes in or says and I’m not afraid to call it out when I see it. Once I do open up and express how I feel, the gates of passion will open up and never close.

I’m currently battling depression and often experience many symptoms of it including suicidal thoughts and depression spells. I also suffer from iron-deficiency anemia as well. These things are pretty annoying and humiliating for me to deal with whenever they pop up. 

Overall, I’m pretty crazy and a handful to deal with. Good luck matching me up with someone :P

(I’m happy you gave me so much info to work with!) 

Nothing says punk or goth like skulls, right? I played around with some other accessories like a choker necklace and some earrings, but since you mentioned you don’t like feminine clothing I just went with the good ol’ leather jacket)

For Bleach, I match you with....Grimmjow Jaegerjaquez!

You mentioned you were a Pisces, and I like to take zodiacs/birthdays into account when they’re provided in matchups. Grimmjow’s a Leo, and from what I read, Leos and Pisces bring out a lot of great qualities within each other; the more I thought about it, the more I think that holds true. Like Grimmjow, you aren’t ever afraid to speak your mind, you’re both ambitious (I think Grimmjow would be a Slytherin too!) and are both rebels in your own right. The both of you also prefer to let your actions do the talking, and I think he would appreciate a partner who he can trust to speak their mind and not hide anything they’re feeling just to be nice. I think that Grimmjow would be able to help you be more assertive and less passive-aggressive, which you mentioned in your submission, and you would be able to get him to calm down and think things through before flying off the handle and beating the shit out of whoever or whatever is pissing him off. 

You mentioned that you were slowly starting to embrace nihilism and misanthropy (and I feel that Grimmjow post-defeat by Nnoitora would share similar thoughts about his life’s meaning at the time. Dude just got his shit wrecked and his dreams of being the strongest/the King just got shot down by Nnoitora’s sword slicing him through the chest), but I think your optimism would not only balance out your perspective on life, but his as well. To “fix” your partner’s views/negative outlook on life shouldn’t be up to you (he’s his own person, and asking that much emotional labor of someone would be inappropriate, even if he does love you), but I think whenever you talk about your life philosophy, he’d slowly start to realize that you can find a balance between “nothing fucking matters, why bother” and “nothing fucking matters, so why not?”

Leo men are somewhat protective of their partners, so Grimmjow is always there if you’re in need of emotional or physical help. Fatigue from your anemia? He’ll straight up carry you where you need to go if he has to. Is your depression causing you to go into a downswing? He’ll keep an eye on you and do whatever it takes to lessen the weight on your shoulders/mind. Sometimes he’ll do things too comfort you without considering how you’d react (you mentioned that things get annoying and humiliating whenever your symptoms flare up like this, so having Grimmjow do something like picking you up and carry would...not be great, to say the least), but if you tell him why doing things like that upsets you he’ll try to stop and consider your feelings the next time something like that happens again. There’ll be a few instances like that where he’ll say or do something without considering how you’d react, because he’s used to being an egocentric guy (being a creature like an Arrancar, where you can only survive if you look out for yourself and ONLY yourself, makes this a difficult thing for him to change. But for you, he’ll try). This would be the main issue in your relationship, but as time goes on he’s more and more considerate of you the longer he’s with you. He has given you a cake with the (poorly) handwritten icing message “Sorry I was an asshole” more than once.

In conclusion, I  think that you two would be a great example of two people who seem like total opposites finding common ground/traits/strengths/weaknesses and really complementing each other in a relationship.

 For One Piece, I match you with...Zoro!

So, let’s start with zodiac compatibility. Zoro is a Scorpio, which is one of the better matches for Pisces according to what I looked up. Scorpio men and Pisces women share a lot of emotional depth, and that sort of conflicting nature/personality you have is something that Zoro can relate to. Like you, Zoro also tends to let his actions speak louder than words (especially since he isn’t the most talkative guy). A relationship with him would involve a lot of small kind gestures that let you know he cares about you. Even though he’s not one to talk a lot, he listens to anything you have to say and is a great person to vent to. 

He may not be as well versed in intellectual subjects as you (social justice, politics, religion, etc.) but he keeps track of what you have to say about a particular topic. Sometimes he worries that his lack of response makes you think he’s not interested in what you’re talking about, but in reality he’s paying attention to every word; every time you talk about something he doesn’t know, he writes it down so he can either ask Robin about it or read about it himself. He doesn’t try to become an expert or anything, but he learns enough to try and form his own thoughts based on what you’ve said and what he’s looked up. His responses aren’t super eloquent, but he’s able to put things together (Normally if you asked him about the World Government he’d describe it as just “bad…” but once he learns about concepts like totalitarianism from you, he can talk about it in more depth).

Like you, Zoro is incredibly blunt and he appreciates having a partner who also speaks their mind regardless of who they’re talking to. Unlike you, he’s not as imaginative and scatterbrained, but I think this would be a case of opposites complementing each other; he likes how creative you are, and sometimes when he’s making a decision he wonders what you’d do. Like Grimmjow, Zoro would absolutely help you with asserting yourself but unlike Grimmjow he’s more considerate of how you’d react to what he does; he’s respectful of your boundaries, and if he sees that you just need to walk away from whoever’s pissing you off he doesn’t force you to confront them. He’s considerate, in his own Zoro-ish way; like he’ll quietly ask you if you want him to kick someone’s ass if you weren’t wanting to argue with them/escalate things further. 

Zoro struggles with some aspects of his mental health, and that includes depression. Once you two have been together for a while, he can tell when you’re starting to enter a downswing/darker period. He doesn’t want to embarrass you by constantly smothering you/asking if you need anything, and he reassures you that there’s no shame in asking for help if you need it. Like you, he’s also not fond of expressing how he’s feeling, but he doesn’t want you to feel alone if you’re suffering. 

[amnachil]

To the perfection Chapter 2 Part 2

Enjoy :)

Cody Monday March 11

He gulped, absolutely not ready for it. Monday morning were usually rough. But this one was special in every way. Not only they were forced to attend school this week because they had hours to catch up in order to make a trip later this year, but he was going to see Thomas. I don't know what got into me. I don't know why I went up against him during the game. Cody wasn't ready to face Thomas, but he had to. Next to him, Joël finished a video about cats and laughed loudly.

"I can't help but watch it again and again." he said. "This kitty is so cute !"

Thankfully, he was stupid enough to not notice Cody wasn't listening. Because their friend was coming closer. Oh man. Thomas was smiling. His usual bright smile, which could enlighten your whole day. The smile Cody fell for.

"Hi Joël." he said. "Let's go inside, it's freezing."

Wait. "Hi Joël" ? Seriously ? So that was his punishment. Of course, the ginger couldn't ignore him more than he already did.

"I saw the video you sent yesterday." continued Thomas. "The cat is incredibly cute !"

"Ah ! I know right ?!" exclaimed their friend.

It was childish. Stupid. He's just pretending to care to hurt me. I know that. So why was it so painful ? He looked at his buddies while they entered in the highschool. They looked exactly like in these memories. Back when Thomas was talking openly with them. Back when he was the sun in Cody's life. And piece by piece, I can literally feel my heart crumbles. Because he knew those times wouldn't come back ever again.

The day went awfully slowly. Thomas was purposely more talktative with everyone. He laughed to every single joke Joël did. He talked politely to the teachers. He even held the door for the girls in each class. Well, he was literally shining. And everyone wanted to be part of it. Their classmates and their professors all fell for it. Someone said the ginger was back to his old self. Cody resisted to his urge to punch the poor soul. Everything is an act. He just wants to make me suffer, right ? How come Joël wasn't suspecting anything ? This dude had zero braincell or what ? Finally, for their last hour, their science teacher made a comment.

"You're extremely nice today." he pointed out. "Are you hiding something ?"

"Does a man need a reason to be nice ?" smiled Thomas. "Besides, I'm always nice."

"Well, let's say you're extra shiny today." confessed Darren. "Are you in love or something ?"

Cody froze for a second. Nah, that's not possible. The class laughed. Yeah, their professor only made a little joke. But the dark-haired lad noticed his friend's twitch. No way. Is it even possible ? It was highly unlikely. But what if ? The idea was already settling in Cody's mind.

"Dude, I understand shit and you're not helping if you are stargazing."

The teennager turned towards Ilhan. Right, they were working here.

"Sorry." he mumbled. "I got distracted. Anyway, where were we ?"

"I don't know anymore. I'm just lost."

Cody frowned. He looked closely at his friend. He looked so tired, so depressed. Whatever was going on, it wasn't good. He completely let himself go... Ilhan was definitely tubby now. His too-tight vest wasn't fit to hide such a paunch. And several times, Cody had spotted the man in a bloated state. Is it what they call stress-eating ? The nurse would turn completely crazy during the next check-up. I should help him. It would be nice to feel useful to someone. And maybe that way, I can't forget Thomas for a bit. Well, it was just a lie. And to say tomorow is my birthday...

Dan Wednesday March 13 – Thursday March 14

The day hadn't been good. His college's professor had told him his grades were too low. I won't graduate like this. I need to improve my grades. So Dan was studying more despite the fact it was his only week of holidays. When he arrived at the gym this evening, he wasn't in the mood. Sandra offered to do only light exercises, and she let him in peace. He managed to do some stuff, but his mind was elsewhere. Well, until he noticed Thomas's friend coming his way. What is his name again ? I think it's Joël.

"Hey dude." greeted the teenager. "How've you been ?"

"Uh, fine. I'm struggling a bit with those weights."

"You're doing great man."

Seing Joël's biceps, this one could lift them up easily and he was just trying to make Dan feel better. Well, thank for the thought.

"Sooo you live with Thomy right ?" asked the lad.

Dan decided to stop his stupid training because he probably looked ridiculous. He stood up and glanced at his interlocutor. He was slightly taller and broad-shouldered. His hair were dark with blond strand, his eyes brown.

"Yeah." finally answered the college student.

"Okay so here's the deal." smiled Joël. "There are rumors saying our Thomy got a girlfriend but of course, he won't tell me. I'm just dying to know ! Damn, I can't be in the dark so please please please tell me ?"

He made puppy eyes which made Dan smile. This guy is cool.

"Sorry but I havn't heard anything on the subject." he assured. "And I doubt Thomas is seeing anyone right now. He's very busy between working out, helping Ilhan every night and stuff."

Joël made a face.

"Helping Ilhan every night ?" he repeated. "Cody said they stopped a moment ago since they're not really talking at school anymore."

"What ?"

Now Dan was lost too. I'm pretty sure he didn't lie when he told me he was going to Ilhan's place. So he lied to his friend ?

"Ah, that's cool." laughed Joël. "If Thomas is still helping him, I'm sure Ilhan will be rocking again soon !"

The college student nodded. I should just trust Thomy. I'm sure there is a good explanation behind this.

The next day, Dan exhausted himself with studying. This evening, he was so tired he decided to indulge more than usual. He ate his content pretty fast and then more. Thomas wasn't home yet, so he finished all the leftover. And then ordered two oversized pizzas. It wasn't very rational nor healthy, but he needed something to relax. He went though the first one lazily. The added weight forced him to lay down on the couch. The bloat was feeling nice. When he finished, he belched, kinda satisfied. Then he decided to try his luck with the second pizza. It was harder but still, he continued. His belly bulged and he needed to took off his pull over to let it expand. He felt his stomach took the free room. Honestly, Dan didn't know exactly how he managed to finish, but he did. Damn. He burped loudly. He tried to move, but that was painful. He had a tummy ache for sure. It was worth it anyway. He was trying to appease his angry belly when Thomas arrived.

"Oh. Looks like you already ate." he said.

Dan nodded, groggy. His friend sat next to him.

"Are you in pain ?"

"Yeah... Ate too much, too fast."

A soft hand entered in touch with his skin. Made a circle. Oooh. Good. Very good. He let out a moan against his will.

"I... I'll make you feel better." whispered Thomas, short-winded. "Just... Let me do it."

His friend rubbed his belly slowly, calmly. At first, it was timid but it became firmer. It feels so nice. Dan closed his eyes. Now he could digest peacefully. Slowly, he fell asleep.

Thomas Sunday March 17

Gregory wolfed down a burger like if it was nothing. His big mouth was very useful for this kind of thing. As for her, Shirley lowered her head, uneasy. The ginger bite his lips. Why on earth I agreed to come ? Dan arrived with his own order and sat next to him. Oh yeah, I recall now. Because he had done something terribly stupid four days ago. I rubbed his belly. I mean, I rubbed DAN's belly when he was conscious. It had been the happiest moment of his life. And the worst too. Because his crush had moaned Raphaël's name during his sleep. Of course, he was his boyfriend. It's pretty normal he thought about him. It had destroyed Thomas's heart. But it had also gave him hope. Because it means I can rub his belly again. I mean, I can rub DAN's belly again. All he had to do was pretend to be his brother.

"I can't do it." Shirley complained. "I'm not ready yet."

"Sis' you are more than ready." contradicted Dan. "You found a flat to rent, you've a job as a cashier and you're pulling yourself together very well."

"Agreed." added Gregory between two mouthful. "You're more than ready to talk to Sam."

Honestly, Thomas didn't care at all about Shirley, her ex and whatever. But since it was important to Dan, it mattered to him aswell.

"You're great." he assured with his brightest smile. "Go ahead and make peace."

She nodded, reassured by their cheerings. She stood up and went for Sam. The ginger felt Dan's shoulder press against his. It was just a friendly touch, but he got flustered anyway.

"I hope she'll be okay." he mumbled.

"Don't worry man, she's on the right way." Thomas stated. "And Gregory is here to watch her... I guess, because it seems like he can't get his eyes away from his burger."

The joke made them laugh. And the teenager felt genuinely happy.

Fast enough, the craving for more haunted him again. To press shoulders wasn't enough to satisfy his teenager's needs. He called Joël.

"Hi man. Sorry but I can't make it to the gym today."

"Whaaat ? But Cody and I are already there !" groused the other. "Man, not fair !"

Well, if this asshole is here, there is another reason why I can't come. Both his friends were Raphaël's pawns but at least Joël was too silly to be a bother. The leech on the other hand... I just hate him so much right now. He dared stand up against me.

"There's somewhere else I need to be." he said.

"Mmhm alrighty.... Wait Cody asks if you're going to Ilhan's place again ?"

For god's sake. He can't leave me alone, can he ? And how the hell did he know about this ?

"He's not my mom." Thomas replied. "I'm hanging up."

No sooner said than done. He didn't want Cody to stick his nose into his business. Anyway, Thomas went straight to Ilhan's home. He knocked at the door, and his friend's mother opened. She led him upstair, saying how much she was glad he was here. According to her, her son was going through a bad phase, and his help was more than welcome. She hoped he would help him get back in shape. Sure thing. Count on me. He barely waited for her to leave. And then, he jumped on Ilhan's bed, next to his friend. This one had already indulged in the pastries Thomas had sent earlier with a note. He was seemingly overstuffed.

"I did burp... what you asked." he muttered.

"Nice. Now I'll fuck you."

"Wait... Thomas. I just need to know, why are we doing this ? What are we even doing ?"

The ginger sighed, annoyed. Ilhan had so many questions, so many doubts ! They were just having fun !

"I don't understand why you're still so worried about everything." he said with a threatening tone. "Just let me fuck you and we're good, okay ?"

"O... Okay."

To be continued

Not much to say. Our feedees are doing their job. Dan rather willingly while Ilhan is well... not so sure about this.

And Thomas... Thomas doesn’t change. He’s not very nice to the people who annoys him. And that’s a lot of people.

[aphrodaisyacs]

Stoki Fic Rec List

No Six Sentence Sunday this week just me and my first ever fic rec list. This is the result of me caring too much for a rarepair that not enough of the fandom cares about but ANYWAY. The fic rec lists I’ve seen for this pairing are quite a few years old, so I decided to make a new one of my own. The list is sorted in chronological order of the MCU timeline, and also quite long, which is why I put it under a read more:

under bright stars burning by @thelightofthingshopedfor (nearly 21k words, Teen and Up)

When Steve is a kid, he meets a boy named Loki who says he's a prince and shows him real magic. It's kind of weird (but that doesn't mean he doesn't like it).

A fic where Steve and Loki sort-of grow up together, but it’s still set in the canon-verse (don’t worry, the timeline discrepancy gets explained). Kid!Loki and Kid!Steve are so damn adorable, there’s quite a bit of angst between them but there’s also more than enough hurt/comfort to make up for it. I was so disappointed when this fic ended where it did, because I enjoyed it so much that I wanted it to go on forever.

Silver Moon by aurilly (23k+ words, Mature)

Steve and Bucky meet a weirdly dressed guy who claims to be a banished prince from some place they've never heard of. Most New Yorkers would have left the lunatic right where they found him, but Steve and Bucky have never been good at doing things the easy way.

Okay so I cheated a bit, because this fic is actually Steve/Loki/Bucky, but. It is so well-written that I’m including it in this list anyway. In this universe Loki discovers his heritage far earlier than in canon, which leads to a series of events resulting in him getting his powers stripped then banished to pre-WWII Midgard- specifically, Brooklyn. After repeatedly failing to convince Heimdall to return him to Asgard, Loki eventually settles into a life with Steve and Bucky. But then WWII happens. Slow build, quite a bit of angst, but there’s an optimistic ending.

Those Who Favor Ice by CatalenaMara (18k+ words, Explicit)

“You haven’t said anything incorrectly so far,” Steve said, and could hear an edge in his voice.

“Men of such beauty and strength and talent often feel they must outshine everyone they meet. That they must cast a very large shadow so that the world sees only them.”

So many emotions crossed Loki’s face so quickly that Steve could only interpret a few. Resentment. And longing. And need.

“I wasn’t always strong,” Steve said slowly. “Not as a child. I was sickly - so weak that anyone could beat me.”

Loki’s gaze sharpened. “And did they? Beat you?”

Don’t mind me I just love fics that feature Jotunn!Loki and/or Loki dealing with his heritage and Jotunheim in general. We get to see a possibility of what might have been if Heimdall hadn’t betrayed King Loki, which apparently involves Loki running off to become King of Jotunheim and later Steve’s lover. Beautiful prose, smut that doubles as character study, A+.

Madness by @scotlandevander (19k+ words, Teen and Up)

Time makes a deal and when Time makes a deal, it plays out till it is fulfilled. Steve Rogers is learning this the hard way and he’s quite sure it’ll end in madness.

Steve is stuck in a time loop spanning from the moment he wakes up in the 21st century to the events of T:DW. Needless to say it doesn’t take very long for him to run out of fucks to give. I really love the gradual development of Steve’s relationships with Bruce, Natasha and of course Loki throughout the loops. The progression of Stoki is slow mainly because Steve’s a useless bisexual and nice to read. Definitely one of my all-time favourites for this ship.  

Living Contradiction by Ebyru (1k+ words, Teen and Up)

Loki hates Captain America, but over time he realizes it’s a lie.

Excerpt: "Captain America is brave, strong, independent and an astounding leader. Maybe no-one can tell, but far beneath the mask of strength he wears and the flag he carries, Loki can see he’s just a follower."

Something short and sweet set vaguely post-Avengers (2012). Contemplative character study as Loki learns more about the man underneath the Captain America costume. I recommend this if you’re in the mood for a quick pre-slash read.

In The Land of Gods and Monsters by thisiswhatthewatergaveme (nearly 5k words, Explicit)

Steve makes a mistake: he lets his guard down. He lets a momentary relief cloud his judgment. He doesn’t spring into action when Loki spins around and presses a tight-lipped kiss against his mouth. Doesn’t even move when it softens, slightly, Loki’s hands curling over his arms.

And then the god is gone and Steve realizes something important. He realizes, perhaps for the first time, that there are different kinds of war.

While the author has tagged this fic as Porn Without Plot, I think it’s more accurate to say that there is plot, it’s just that the entire plot is centred on the build-up to the porn. And said build-up is mostly Loki catching Steve unawares to kiss him, interspersed with Steve suffering some moral crises over being attracted to his enemy.

Thawing Universe by Vulcanmi (17k+ words, Teen and Up)

A what if that starts after the events of Thor: the Dark World but before Winter Soldier. What if Loki had gotten tired of playing Odin?

Parts 1, 2 & 3 are purely Stoki, while part 4 & 5 are Thor/Bucky-centric with background Stoki. Loki gets bored of pretending to be Odin rather quickly, and thus he goes down to Earth to continually invite himself over to Steve’s apartment. Steve has exactly zero say in all of this. This series makes the pairing seem way more adorable than it has any right to be, all the while keeping everyone in-character. Part 1 builds the relationship, part 2 has the other Avengers reacting to it, and part 3 has Steve finally getting off his useless bisexual ass and asking Loki out for real. One of my favourite depictions of this pairing for sure.

Strange Love by @dvswraatins (12k words, Teen and Up)

It starts with a simple taunt.

Spoiler alert: the aforementioned “taunt” is Loki putting on a great show of seducing Steve in order to piss off Thor. Featuring Loki being unapologetically a piece of shit, Loki as a part-time Avenger and narration that becomes hilariously descriptive whenever Thor enters the picture. One of the things I adore about this fic is that it explores a dynamic for this pairing I didn’t know I needed- of Loki trying to use Steve for his own gain, but Steve manipulating him right back.

The Dreamfasting by suchaprettyface (80k+ words, Explicit)

This is the highly unlikely and yet somehow inevitable story of how Captain Steve Rogers, Avenger, becomes the lover of Loki Odinson, younger prince of Asgard and Public Enemy Number 1 according to the FBI database of known offenders.

Steve and Loki discover quite by accident that they are connected by a very old form of magic whose initial purpose seems to be getting them in each other's pants as often as possible. But there's far, far more at work than that...

To break this series down to its bare essentials: lots of porn + lots of plot. Post-AoU, Loki gets captured by SHIELD but almost immediately after Steve runs into him again, the two of them begin sharing wet dreams. The more dreams they share, the stronger the indescribable connection between them grows. Yet, in the background of all the dream-fucking, there is the mystery of why these dreams even exist in the first place, as well as Steve finding himself physically changed by them. 

Look At Me Now by @arimabat (33k+ words, Teen and Up)

Steve is on the run. His already complicated life becomes just a little more complicated when an old enemy shows up unexpectedly. But Loki has changed since their last encounter and he could have crucial information to stop a fast-approaching threat. If he’s willing to tell Steve.

Or, the one where Loki keeps bothering Steve until he figures out a way to get something useful out of it and then it all just becomes a mess.

Post-Civil War, pre-Ragnarok. Loki is absolutely delighted by a jaded, cynical Steve, and Steve is very much unamused by the unwanted attention. Steve attempts to take advantage of this attention anyway by interrogating Loki about the Infinity Stones, which leads to the gradual development of a relationship neither of them expected. I absolutely love the conversations and banter between everyone in this fic- not just between Steve and Loki, but also between Steve, Natasha, Sam and Wanda. However, (spoiler alert) the ending for this fic isn’t all too happy BUT the good news is that it’s part of a series, which isn’t complete yet at the time I’m typing this up.

Be My All-American Boy by @gavotteangel (6k+ words, Teen and Up)

It's Steve Rogers' birthday and it's Independence Day. Naturally, the freshly reunited Avengers vacation to a lake house and throw him a party. Nothing goes as expected.

Or: LOKI HAS A BIG FAT CRUSH HAPPY 4TH OF JULY FOLKS

Post-Ragnarok, post-Civil War, with a dose of Infinity War being cancelled. Highlights include Loki having a crush on bearded!Steve and abhorring the fact that the crush even exists in the first place, Loki trying his best to hold back his stabby instincts on his new allies, Loki and Natasha being drinking buddies and Loki eating the rest of Steve’s birthday cake out of pure pettiness.

I’m also going to shamelessly self-promote and rec my own series Mischief Managed (nearly 20k words, Teen and Up)

Set post-Ragnarok in an AU where Infinity War is cancelled and Steve and Tony have gotten their shit together.

The series follows Steve and Loki while they form an unlikely bond as they team up to prank others, again and again.

Initially based on this headcanon, with Steve getting the opportunity to confront Loki about it, which somehow leads to both of them teaming up to prank the rest of the Avengers. Part 2 expands on the unlikely friendship they formed in part 1, except this time Steve and Loki take advantage of the media circus and fake date to piss off homophobes. Meanwhile, the Avengers are forced to watch this train wreck happen in real time. According to the comments this series is funny enough that it made people laugh not that I’d be able to judge properly since I’m the one who wrote it. 

Tangerines are Sweet Enough by @fel-as-in-tumbld (4k+ words, General)

(Steve is seven, cold and hungry and it's Christmas morning; he's seven, sitting on the floor, pulling perfect miniature suns out of the foot of his stocking. Tangerines; he's seven, and he can feel the flesh tear under his thumbnail, can taste the burst of flavour on his tongue, the juice slide down his throat; he's seven, and he's sitting with his mother and everything has been cold and hunger, but there is this--tangerines, like eating the sun with his mother, and the warmth of her laughter--

Steve hasn't eaten a tangerine since she died, since Bucky vanished off to war; too many memories, too much intimacy.

Post-Infinity War fic where Loki actually gets revived I’m looking at you Russos. It has beautiful prose which sets a soft, wistful tone to the whole thing, helped by the fact that it takes place during the winter holidays. Steve and Loki’s relationship here is... well, melancholic, mostly, but it does end on a warm note. 

*

This rec list only reflects my personal reading experiences (and are also only limited to AO3), so feel free to add more suggestions in reblogs or replies!

Honorary mention goes to Remember This Cold by @veliseraptor (nearly 800k words, ranges from General to Explicit depending on the part) which I didn’t include in the main list because let’s be real, anyone who’s looking for Stoki fic recs has already read this series.

[homenum-revelio-hq]

Welcome to the Order of the Phoenix, Amos!

You have been accepted for the role of non-biography character FABIAN PREWETT with the faceclaim of Sam Heughan! Your application was so much fun to read! I loved how much attention you gave to the various layers that make up Fabian, who he is and how he’s ended up where he is now. I look forward to seeing him try and balance his problems against the greater needs of the Order. I am so excited to have you as part of this roleplay!

Please take a look at the new member checklist and send in your account within 24 hours! Thank you for joining the fight against Voldemort!

OUT OF CHARACTER:

NAME: Amos AGE: 22 TIMEZONE: GMT ACTIVITY LEVEL: It’s hard to say. I’m a freelancer working in theatre, so some weeks are hell and I work 70 hours, and others are 9-5 so I could be on in the evenings and weekends. Other weeks I might be on show call in the evenings and so could be on during the day. I’ll definitely be able to do 1 reply a week to keep up with activity, but I really want to do more than that, so if I can I will! ANYTHING ELSE: No triggers really. As for experience, I’ve been rping on tumblr for maybe 8ish years on and off, mostly Harry Potter, Fabian is one of my most played muses, I love him to pieces.

CHARACTER DETAILS:

NAME: Fabian Prewett AGE: 30 (willing to change this to fit with Molly and Gideon’s ages when/if they become taken characters) GENDER, PRONOUNS, and SEXUALITY: Fabian is a cis man and uses he/him pronouns. To differ from this course has never occurred to him. He is very comfortable in his gender, he doesn’t so much as revel in his masculinity as let it naturally steer him. He doesn’t shy away from laddish encounters in pubs, or rowdy sports events, but he isn’t what you’d call aggressive or arrogant. He (somewhat subconsciously) considers the role of protector and provider a man’s role, despite having many females in his life that contradict that line of thinking. He has a desire to fill these roles, and every failure to do so is a knock to his confidence. He has never had a problem with his body or the way he looks, further than being teased for his ginger hair, or the insecurity that typically accompanies puberty. As far as he’s concerned his body matches perfectly with the way he sees himself in his mind’s eyes, he has never wanted to alter anything about it that couldn’t be achieved by working out or good hygiene.  

Sexuality is slightly more of a grey area for Fabian. He liked girls just as much as any other guy he went to Hogwarts with. He had girlfriends and flings, enjoyed the sex and the summer romances, fell head over heels for his first love and had his heart broken, just like most other guys he knew. The problem was he also tended to fall head over heels for guys too, except he didn’t get an opportunity to explore that side of things nearly as openly or frequently as he did with women. Some days Fabian is 100% accepting of himself and his attraction to men, he’s ready to shout it from the rooftops, tell his friends and family, step fully out of the closet. But most days he is unwilling to admit that side of himself. He’ll hear a comment from a stranger, or read an article in the newspaper, see something that makes him believe there could be nothing worse that openly sharing his sexuality with the world. Maybe someday he’ll get around to confiding with those closest to him, although he suspects they already have their suspicions, and actually, that suits him just fine, as long as they never confront him about it.

BLOOD STATUS: Pure Blood HOUSE ALUMNI: Gryffindor ANY CHANGES: None

CHARACTER BACKGROUND:

PERSONALITY:

Fabian is an intelligent guy, although his grades at Hogwarts wouldn’t necessarily reflect that. Fabian is not a books smart, he struggled with the subjects that were largely reading and writing, memorising dates or formulae. But when he could get his hands dirty, something clicked in his brain and it all made sense. For this reason, he excelled in Herbology and Care of Magical Creatures. He did well with the practical elements of DADA and potions, but struggled with the theory, and absolutely flunked subjects like History of Magic.

Fabian is also pretty good at reading people. He can tell if someone is uncomfortable or hesitant to engage and can usually put them at ease. If someone is upset, he’s often the first to notice, and when someone has good news he can tell by the look on their face before they’ve even said a word. This is more of an unconscious skill, not something he works on deliberately, but a natural gift. However, he isn’t quite so in tune with his own emotions. In denial about a lot of things in his life, Fabian will ignore his own feeling and lock them away until they either disappear or he can deal with them conveniently.

He is of course, courageous and brave, he will unthinkingly put himself in the direct line of danger if it means he’s protecting somebody else, especially someone he loves. Unfortunately, this means he tends to act before he thinks. Sometimes, in battle, that’s the line between life and death, the split second of hesitation before throwing a hex could cost him his life. But most of the time it just means he gets himself into trouble.

He also has a great sense of humour. Fabian loves a joke or a prank, even if he ends up being the victim of it. In these dark times, he whole heartedly believes laughter is the best medicine. He knows it can’t fix everything, but at least it can patch up the wounds until tomorrow. If he can make someone laugh in their darkest hour, then he considers his job done. Fabian’s tendency to goof around also means that he masks his true feelings with jokes and gags, rarely letting on if he’s having a tough time or struggling with something. He hates to show weakness, and jokes are a good way of distracting people.

BRIEF OVERVIEW OF FAMILY:

(These are my headcanons but very willing to talk to the writer of Molly and Gideon and come to group decisions about what their family is like)

Fabian has always felt loved and safe in his family. It came unconditionally and in abundance. I see Fab as the middle child, Gideon being the oldest sibling, then Fab, and Molly being their younger sister. Whatever the order, I always see Fab as the younger twin. I don’t think he ever had to fight for attention from his parents, but his boisterous nature and endless jokes probably came as a way to ensure at least one parent was giving him their undivided attention. I think the twins got in trouble a lot, not seriously, but just day to day misbehavings that seemed like the end of the world when they were 5, but now seem trivial. I think they would fight to take the blame to save the other, which of course resulted in both of them being told off anyway.

I think he was sheltered in a lot of ways. He had two parents who loved him and loved each other. They kept him safe from the evils of the world for as long as they could. Any fights his parents had would happen in hushed tones after all the children were asleep. Any financial issues they were having were never made apparent to the children, they had their favourite snacks and the desired birthday presents every year, even if it meant their parents had to tighten their belts. The fact that they were purebloods was rarely discussed. The Prewett parents didn’t buy into the whole ‘sacred 28’ philosophy and so it wasn’t important other than to recognise that they were exceptionally privileged to live as purebloods in a world that was likely to favour them, and that some people weren’t as lucky. It wasn’t until Hogwarts that Fabian properly realised the impact of blood status and the injustice of it all.

I see Fabian’s father as a tough man with a stern face, rarely discussing emotions, never saying the ‘I love you’s out loud, but rather showing it by working long hours to provide for his family, by turning up to every quidditch game, by quietly boasting about his children’s achievements to his co-workers, by the worn photo in his wallet: his three children and his beautiful wife, in the garden underneath the summer sun, giggling at some long forgotten joke. He was a humble man, handsome in a weathered kind of way, and absolutely devoted to his family.

His mother was soft in all the places his father was hard. Always a hand to stroke Fabian’s hair as he fell asleep, a lap to curl up in, a kiss on the cheek to embarrass him in front of his friends. She was a wonderful cook, even with the sparsest ingredients. When she baked the children always got to lick the spoon. She would indulge them in their silly made up games for hours, and then read them stories after they had finally worn themselves out. She had a hard time saying no to any of their desires, which is where their father had to step in. I don’t think she was necessarily stunningly beautiful, but beautiful in a way all loving mothers are in their children’s eyes.

So I think they had a very happy childhood, and were free to be children. They had the kind of happy home that they got homesick for when they were at Hogwarts, and were excited to return to at the holidays.

One of my big headcanons is that their mother died a few years back, maybe just after Fab and Gid graduated Hogwarts, so their late teens/early twenties. I think it was illness, not a gracious one that leaves you frail and elegant and lets you drift off in the night, but the harsh aggressive type that robs you of everything and still won’t let you go. I think it would have broken the family; a set of perfectly balanced scales left swinging wildly trying to find a new equilibrium. The three children learned to heal, with each new marriage and birth, the mourning for their mother getting easier to bare, but for their father I think it stayed fresh no matter how many years passed. He became reclusive and depressed and now only attends the most important family functions with a lot of pestering from them all.

OCCUPATION:

Fabian currently works as the conductor on the Knight Bus. It is a bit of a fall from grace for him, but for anyone who asks, he’ll just tell them he wanted to escape the office, meet more people, less paperwork and less pressure. The truth is he was fired from his last job in the Department for Magical Transportation. After months of minor offences such as coming in late, filing the wrong forms, or turning up to the wrong room for the wrong meeting, Fabian finally broke the last straw when he splinched himself whilst teach an apparition course at Hogwarts. Besides giving a few teenagers nightmares, he ended up in hospital for a few days and his boss made the decision to let him go. The reason for all the fuck ups is that Fabian has slowly become more and more dependent on alcohol. It started, as it usually does, as getting trashed at the weekends to wind down from a hard week, and then that turned to drinking on weekday evenings, and then to slipping some fire whiskey into his coffee in the morning, a then of course he couldn’t turn down a pint at lunch times on slow days. At this point Fabian is very rarely not intoxicated to some degree, and his boss noticed. He was fired and now he works in a job where no-one really notices if he’s been drinking if he’s careful about it. With the way Ernie drives, everyone else is just as likely to fall over as he is.

ROLE WITHIN THE ORDER/THOUGHTS ABOUT THE ORDER:

Fabian didn’t think twice about joining the Order. At first it felt great, a secret organisation of rebels, fighting for all that was good and right. But after years of fighting, the hope drained away and it became a grinding business. He soon realised his naivety that the Order would be all about adventures and swinging in to save the day, that after a little while they’d defeat the death eaters and be regarded as heroes. He would never leave, it’s barely even an option for him. If he’s hardly keeping it together while he’s part of the Order, knowing he’s doing all he can to defend his world and the people he loves, he would fall to pieces entirely without it. But when the good days get fewer and further between, it gets harder to keep his head above the water.

He was against the ranking at first, but he sees the sense in it now, especially with the whispers of double agents. They aren’t going to win this war as a bunch of rag tag optimists, they need to fight and organise like any other army would. I think Fab would probably be mid-level, he’s older than a lot of the members and so been there longer. He might have been higher up if he could be trusted more, but the alcoholism means he slips up, even if he’s trying to keep his dependency a secret.

SURVIVAL: 

Since losing his job at the department of magical transportation Fabian has been able to fly under the radar with more ease.It also means he has a lot less money. He is currently in between permanent bases. Sometimes he’ll rent a room in London, and more often than not it’s a tiny, run down, room with leaks in the ceiling and no heating, but it’s all he can afford. As soon as he gets paranoid he’s been followed home, or being watched by someone across the street, he’ll pack his bags and move on. He spends a lot of nights on the Knight Bus anyway, and he can sleep there when he’s not working, and every so often he’ll spend a couple of nights at the Burrow.

He is also low on money because a lot of his salary goes on booze. If he’s not working on the Knight Bus, for the Order, or visiting the Burrow, he’s likely at a pub or bar getting smashed. And even when he is working, he’ll have bought the cheapest bottle of alcohol he can find from the nearest off-licence and be stealing sips of it whenever he can. But it all adds up and some months he can barely make rent on whatever squat he’s holed up in at the time.

He survives out of sheer stubbornness some days; others he can see the last glimmers of hope and knows it’ll be worth it if he can just press on. He visits the Burrow and see his nephews and realises that failure simply isn’t an option. Unfortunately, right now his survival methods might also be the death of him.

RELATIONSHIPS: 

Some of the strongest relationships he had before the war are now some of the most tense, probably because they mean the most to him. Gideon, Molly, Arthur and the boys will always be the most important people in his life, and he loves them with his whole heart, but it’s fair to say the war has strained even the strongest bonds. He is terrified of losing them, terrified he won’t be able to protect them when it comes down to it. He won’t admit to himself that his alcoholism makes him a danger to them, he’s hoping they haven’t noticed, but the difference in him must be obvious to anyone who truly knows him.

Some of his best relationships now lie in the people he has become close to because of the war. Members of the Order who are always up for a laugh and a drink at the end of a long night’s watch. Who understand the horrors of the war, but haven’t had to witness the change from a carefree young man, to a haunted husk of a person. If they can pretend for a few hours that the nightmares don’t exist, then what’s the harm? These are the people Fabian will spend most of his free time with. He might not confide in them, but at the moment, they are getting the best of him.

Romantically Fabian is terrified of starting anything serious. He’ll have one-night stands, short flings, especially with people outside of the war effort, but nothing more than that. Apart from anything else, he’s still struggling with his sexuality. It’s true that he could still have open and loving relationships with women, but the knowledge that he’s hiding such a big part of himself, makes every relationship feel disingenuous and so all romantic relationships suffer as a consequence.

OOC EXPLORATION:

SHIPS/ANTI-SHIPS: I don’t really have any anti-ships for Fabian, I’m open to anything with chemistry. I’m really interested in exploring his closeted bisexuality, and so I’d love to see him romantically involved with another guy, but I’m not excluding any hetro ships at this point.

WHAT PRIVILEGES AND BIASES DOES YOUR CHARACTER HAVE?

I think Fabian grew up incredibly privileged and sometimes he doesn’t realise that until someone points it out to him. He’s getting better at seeing it and using it to help others. Now he’s a blood traitor it’s not so much of a privilege, but he can still see that he has it better than muggleborns.

Most of the time his biases are similar to the general populations’, views he’s picked up because they are generally accepted, and he’s never thought to challenge them. So yes, he probably doesn’t like werewolves, because as far as he knows he’s never met one and all the stories he’s heard are bad. And he probably thinks house elves don’t deserve any more rights than they have because having an entire race as your personal slaves hasn’t registered as something that might be wrong. He definitely has some internalised homophobia. He couldn’t pin down exactly what his problems with it are, because if he met a person who was openly gay, he would accept them immediately, but he can’t accept it in himself yet. Anything more complicated than being gay in the LGBTQ world is probably beyond him and would take a little minute for him to understand.

I think generally as soon someone pointed out why his prejudices are wrong; he would accept it instantly. He wouldn’t hold on to these old views, he is extremely versatile in this manner, and almost eager for his ignorance to be corrected.

WHAT ARE YOU MOST LOOKING FORWARD TO?  After I left my last rp I fell out of the habit of writing everyday and I really miss it. I love the marauder era and I really missed writing it as part of an rp community. Plus, I am super into the fact that this is an AU rp where the ending isn’t set in stone.

PLOT DROP IDEAS (OPTIONAL): You know I love a good masquerade ball, not sure how it would fit into the plot, but they are super fun. I would love to see Fab’s connections at the department for magical transport come into play. I’d also love to explore him really fucking up on a mission because he was drunk. Maybe some undercover work for him. Kidnappings are always fun, either kidnapping death eaters or members of the Order being kidnapped.

ANYTHING ELSE? Not that I can think of.

EXTRA FOR NON-BIO CHARACTERS:

PAST. 

Fabian had a pretty sheltered and privileged upbringing as a pureblood male, the war made this vibrantly obvious to him incredibly quickly. He joined the Order as soon as he could, not one to sit around and let others put themselves in danger for the things he believed in and the future he wanted. But years at war takes its toll on everyone. Fabian, like many, turned to alcohol. Although it numbed the day to day pain of the war, it made him sloppy and careless with his own safety. He lost his job at the ministry and ruined a number of his relationships.

PRESENT.

Fabian’s day to day life now consists of a number of things. Working as a conductor on the Knight Bus. The shifts are flexible, the responsibilities are few and that suits him fine. It means he can devote more time to the Order, the second thing that consumes his waking hours. The daily grind of the war effort may be getting him down, but he would literally have to be dead before he surrendered. In between work and the Order comes his family and friends, the main reason he fights at all. Seeing his nephews can be the highlight of his month, Gideon and Molly are the rocks he so desperately needs. Accompanying all these things is the alcohol. He drinks in the evening with friends, then has a night cap at home, a splash of whiskey in his morning coffee to tide him over to his lunch time pint. One day it’s all going to catch up with him and ‘one day’ might not be as far away as it once was.

FC CHOICES: Top choice: Sam Heughan. Other choices: James McAvoy, Sam Claflin

[collateralfiction]

23

Adrian

My eyes immediately shrunk due to the amount of brightness pouring inside of the room. If it wasn’t the sunshine irritating me, it was my phone that seemed to be ringing for the past hour nonstop. Reaching for my jeans off the floor, I slipped my iPhone out of my jeans and looked at the brightly lit screen. It was simply just my alarm going off so I dismissed it and placed my phone away from me, so I could resume sleeping. The thought of sleep seemed perfect but once I looked at the clock and noticed it was nearing fairly close to eleven in the morning, I knew I had to get up and do something. I couldn’t sit around like this knowing there was shit to do. Swinging my legs off the messy bed, I stood and stretched, cracking a few bones in the process. I turned to look over my shoulder and smirked upon seeing Bailey’s half naked body. We probably didn’t get in till three this morning and I know for a fact Bailey and I didn’t fall asleep until after five. She had to have this birthday dick before she tapped out.

She was a wild ass sleeper, that’s for sure. Cuddling was the only remedy to control her movements. She was turned over on her stomach with her ass sticking out and her hair sprawled out across the white and black pillows. Shaking my head, I trekked towards the bathroom and handled my business at the toilet. I washed my hands thoroughly before brushing my teeth and washing my face as well. Reemerging from the bathroom, Bailey was still knocked out. I give her another thirty minutes to rest. I had plans today for everyone and I didn’t spend about 25 grand just for it to go to waste. I looked through one of my duffel bags, pulling out a black tee, slipping it over my head before leaving the room altogether.

We had a hired chef for the week’s stay and every morning by ten thirty, an arrangement of food would be placed outside, waiting for us to devour. This morning was no different as plates of fruits, waffles, pancakes, sausages and bacon strips were set out for us with a jug of Apple and Orange juice. It was no surprise that Justine was one of the few that was up early; she was always like that. “Morning,” I mumbled, taking a seat on the opposite chair as her. She briefly looked at me and continued to pick at what was left on her plate which wasn’t much. “I said morning,” I stated again, grabbing a plate and beginning to fill it with what I wanted.

“And I heard you,” she gritted.

“Fuck is your problem?” I stated, dropping the plate back on the table, creating a loud thud.

“Nothing,” she stated sternly. “I’m just tired,”

“So why you not in bed sleep?” I muttered, crossing my arms over my chest.

“I’m not sleepy,” My face twisted into a scowl at her two contradicting statements. None of that shit was making sense and I wasn’t about to run around in circles to understand it if she was going to act like this with me right now. It was either you tell me what’s wrong now or walk around pissed ‘cause your ass wants to be stubborn as fuck.

“Alright, so don’t complain then,” I grumbled, going to fix my plate one last time. It looked like she had something on her mind but how would I know if she didn’t speak up? I wasn’t going to force her to speak up on something she didn’t want to talk about to begin with. However, it didn’t stop me from picking up on her strange ass behavior. Justine is very transparent so it’s easy to tell when something isn’t sitting right with her but it’s difficult to figure out exactly what’s wrong with her. It takes way more than a few simple questions. Sucking her teeth, she grabbed her plate and empty glass and stormed towards the kitchen. “If that was your way of getting away from me, you failed,” I chuckled. “You might as well come back and eat at the table,”

“No thank you,”

“Alright,” I nodded. “Be like that,” Which probably won’t be long. For the first ten minutes of me eating my plate of food was enclosed with silence. But just like I predicted, Justine was right back in front of me, starting up a conversation as if she wasn’t acting suspicious a minute ago.

“How was Bailey’s birthday last night?”

I smirked, licking my lips. “It was cool. She had fun,”

“Yeah, I could tell. You guys came in pretty late and then had the nerve to go to sleep late,” she said, giving me that knowing look. “Nasty,”

“I know,” I chuckled. “I would do it again if I ain’t have eavesdroppers,”

“Ugh, can you not?” she asked, rolling her eyes.

“I guess. So, what’s up with you? Why you acting sus?” I said bluntly. There wasn’t any way I was going to let her leave out of my eyesight without her telling me something.

“Am I really?” she questioned.

“Yeah, nigga,” I muttered, grabbing my glass of OJ. She rolled her eyes yet again before leaning back in the chair and crossing her arms over her chest. Regardless if she wasn’t acting strange or whatnot, I would still have a few questions in store for her to begin with. I took a few sips before hearing the sound of feet in the near distance. Turning my head around a bit, I saw Austin approach the table while rubbing his eyes. That officially ended the conversation before it even started but that didn’t mean I was going to let it drop either. While everyone thinks they’re on vacation, I’m certainly not. I still got shit to do and it’s going to get handled. I don’t give a fuck if I have to rain on everyone’s parade. “Ay, what’s up, lil nigga?” I greeted, extending my hand out for a dap.

“Seriously, Adrian? Watch your language around him,” Justine said, pointing her fork at me.

“Chill,” I said. “He ain’t picking up on it like that. Chillax,”

“Morning, ma,” Austin greeted, heading around the table to give Justine a hug. Without the help of a nigga around to help groom Austin to be a great man one day, Justine has been doing pretty well so far and I will never discredit her for that. Although half the thing she does I don’t particularly agree with, how she raises Austin is one thing I can certainly say she does well on 100%. They hugged and did all that motherly and son shit before Austin sat down and decided to grab the stack of Bacon to munch on.

“He still taking his medicine?” I questioned.

“It’s no longer required so naw,”

“That’s dope,” I smiled.

“Yeah, it is. He hated the medicine with a passion. I don’t blame him,”

“Me either,”

“I’ll be back,” Justine said, grabbing her plate and treading into the kitchen. I acknowledged her with a simple head nod before she left off, leaving Austin and I at the table still.

“You good?”

“Yeah,” Austin yawned shortly after.

“You sure?” I asked sternly.

“Yeah, I’m fine. Where’s Bailey?” he asked.

“She’s still asleep. After breakfast I want you to pack some of your clothes for an overnight stay,”

“Why?”

“You ask too many questions,” I chuckled. “We yachting out in this bitch,”

“That big boat we saw?”

“Yeah, the one you can live in. That’s my birthday gift to Bailey,” An expensive ass gift too.

“That’s not fair. She’s going to like your gift more than mine,” he frowned.

“Tough luck, kid,” I laughed.

“Here, Austin,” Justine placed down his plate and left the dining area all over again. It was a good feeling knowing that Austin was where he belongs, but it still tore me up knowing that at one point no one knew where he was at. No matter how much I try to justify certain shit, it always fell back on me and what I should have been doing versus what I was doing. Regardless, I know for a fact that something fishy had to occur and the two main targets are Lonnie and Ryan. I’m close but not nearly as close as I want to be. That shit is all about to change though. My primary agenda would be talking to Bailey, of course, and possibly having a conversation with Justine if she allows it. If Bailey is going to go back to her life, I need to be frank with her and let her know that Ryan got another bitch pregnant. I don’t know how well that’s going to go over with her, but it needs to be done. After that, I’m going to need to call G back in New York, so I know what to expect. Besides all of that shit, I just need someone I can lay all this info on because it’s eating me up that I only know.

“You know what I noticed, Uncle A?” Austin said, bringing me out of my thoughts. I gave him my full attention, so he knew that I was listening. “Your father isn’t around, and neither is mine,” Austin’s statement caught me off guard and for a second I was unsure of what he meant by that and where’d it come from. I paused as I stared at him with my eyebrows meshed together. It was almost as if what he said was nothing big of a deal. I don’t talk to Austin about his father and he doesn’t talk to me about his nonexistent father either. Where this is coming from all of a sudden, at this moment right now? It’s only leading me to Justine. I just stared at him for the longest, not completely believing that he had said that and how he easily returned to snacking on his plate of food while I had to digest something, I would have never thought I hear from him until he was well in his late teens.

“Yeah, something like that,” I said, clearing my throat. “Why you say that though?”

“I don’t know,” he shrugged. “Just something I noticed,”

“You feel good about that?” I was at a loss of words to say the least, but I was also intrigued in what possibly was on his mind at the same time. Austin is a smart seven-year old child and I’m pretty sure he’s aware of everything that goes on around him, even half the shit I do. It’s not rocket science for him to realize his father isn’t around, but I wasn’t expecting to hear him talk about it either. I don’t know but him saying that just made things more complicated, at least in my head.

“I don’t care,” he said nonchalantly. My eyes widened at his bold statement. This didn’t seem like the same caring Austin I know him to be. Although I can’t lie and say that I’m not happy knowing that he doesn’t give a fuck about his father but it’s not the right thing for me to verbally say to him. The least I want him to do is have his own feelings towards whoever without me swaying his own ideas. Either way, it got me fucked up now.

Rubbing my temple, I said, “Don’t say that,” I sighed, saying words I never thought I would. “Look at me, Austin. I’m deadass. Don’t say that. You don’t know what you’re saying right now. Shit, why are you saying that?”

“I don’t know. It’s true. I haven’t seen my dad in a long time. He doesn’t care, I don’t care. That’s good, right?” I was in pure shock. I don’t even know how to end this conversation. “I have my mother, you, Caiden, Justin, Brian, August, G, my grandmother and even Bailey,” he went on to list.

“Did you talk to your mother about this?” I found myself asking.

“Kind of,” I nodded slowly, locking my hands together.

“We gon’ finish this conversation later, alright? Just know that we all got you even if your pops isn’t around, you hear me?”

“Yeah, I do,” he smiled.

“Alright, hurry up and eat,” I said, standing tall and grabbing my plate. “And eat them carrots your mom put on your plate!” I yelled. His laughter soon followed after that. I placed my plate in the sink and ran some water over it before leaving the kitchen. I had half the mind to go and see what was up with Justine and where Austin had got this random epiphany of basically saying fuck his father, he ain’t shit mentality. A part of me couldn’t fathom Justine putting that type of idea in her son’s head so where else he might have gotten that from… I’m not too sure. Maybe it was me. The other half of me didn’t feel like saying anything to her, not at the moment anyhow. Austin really fucked with my head too early in the morning.

Shaking my head, I headed back into my bedroom and softly closed the door behind me. Bailey was no longer lying in bed and from hearing running bath water, I automatically assumed that where she was at. Slipping inside the bathroom door, I found myself staring at her voluptuous body behind the clear shower glass. Her body was turned away from me, standing in the direction of the steaming water. She was leaning against the wall and from her posture, I could sense how she was still sleepy and probably still a bit tipsy. She still looked fine as fuck though. Stripping out of my clothes, I pushed the sliding glass open a bit and walked up behind her, gently wrapping my arms around her slim waist.

“Ugh, why do you do that, Adrian?” she groaned, relaxing in my arms. I turned her around to face me and she easily wrapped her arms around me, laying her head against my chest.

“’Cause I can,” I chuckled.

“Same reason as why you’re hard, huh?” she said, kissing along my neck.

“Yeah, you gon’ take care of it?” I said huskily. Dropping her arms from around my neck, she pressed her lips against mine, enveloping me into a deep kiss. Her small, warm hands trickled down my abdomen until she wrapped her fingers around my semi-hard dick, slowly moving her fingertips along the length of it. “Shit,” I hissed, staring down at her with hazy eyes. She knew exactly what she was doing. Her grip on me tightened as she increased her pace. I bit my bottom lip, not wanting to give her the satisfaction that her simple hand job was doing wonders to me. But being that Bailey likes to outcompete a nigga, she was going to test me until I gave in.

With a mischievous grin, she got on her knees and directed my throbbing dick into her mouth. My hands immediately went to the back of her head, my fingers becoming entangled in her hair. All through the different girls I’ve ran through, minus the exception of one, Bailey is the only one who I go out of my way when it comes to sexual shit. I rarely go down on a bitch if it ain’t my bitch, I usually don’t give a fuck if they cum or not because it’s about mine. But with Bailey, everything I do comes natural for her. I don’t think twice if I’m giving her head or whatever. Everyone else, my mind is already made up by the time I have them on their knees, ready to suck me off.

“Just like that,” I grunted in a labored breath. Her lips wrapped around my tip, licking the pre-cum off before enveloping the whole thing in her mouth; essentially deep throating me. Shit had me in bliss. She wasn’t sloppy and she wasn’t gagging either; Bailey’s a perfect ten. Her hand rubbed at my balls bringing me closer towards my peak. I got a handful of her hair, pushing her mouth further on my swollen dick. My head leaned back against the granite wall with my mouth slightly agape while she continued to bob her head at an even pace, much quicker than before. She had me in the palm of her hand and before I knew it, I was bussing all down her throat. She fucking swallowed. “Damn,” I grunted, watching as she stood under the water. “So fucking sexy,”

She smiled, pulling me closer to her. “Your turn,”

__

“Welcome to Carpe Diem, one of Turks and Caicos most elite yachts!” The head manager in charge spoke as we all crowded around the deck, staring up at the rather large and tall boat. “Everything you want will be provided, any service, we most certainly have. Your stay for the next 48 hours should live up to the hype you most certainly have heard. There are waterskis, kayaks, four massage room, yoga and dance room, gym, two saunas and an indoor pool. All your needs will be met regardless of any issue you think you might have. Please enjoy your stay at Carpe Diem,” Definitely didn’t have to tell me twice. Being that everyone knew about these plans in advance, Bailey was the only one with a shocked facial expression as she turned around and looked at me.

“What?” I chuckled.

“You did not mention the surprise being this,” she said, standing in place which caused everyone to walk around us.

“I didn’t have to. Happy belated,” I laughed. “It’s all for you and if I were you, I would hurry my ass on the boat before Justine picks the best room,”

“Aw, is your heart melting? Do you feel like you’re about to die?” she teased.

“Hell yeah, nigga,” I chuckled. Laughing along with me, she kissed the side of my mouth and headed towards the opening of the boat. I followed suit, giving a firm handshake to the man who was speaking moments prior. When Austin and I was looking for presents for Bailey’s birthday, I didn’t feel like buying her any materialistic shit, so I opted for a yacht in which everyone could benefit, and I could also one up my lil homie, Austin. Looking around at the yacht, I nodded my head in approval at the décor. For 25 grand, this yacht has no choice but to be less than perfect. Approaching Caiden, I tapped his shoulder in which caught his attention.

“Wassup?”

“When everyone is ready to doze off, we all need to talk for a second, a’ight?” I muttered.

“Yeah, no doubt. Can’t be all fun and no work,” he chuckled, rubbing his chin. “For now, I’m finna unpack and check out the rest of this shit. You must be sprung if you’re spending all this dough on her,”

“Sprung? You must be out your mind,” I said, shoving him playfully. “Fuck up,” I sat down at the barand grabbed one of the glasses of alcohol. I placed it under my nose to see what it was and took a sip once I noticed it was just Vodka. Everyone around me seemed to be basking in the moment of being on this yacht but I couldn’t enjoy it just yet. I haven’t been anyhow for the last couple of months so that wasn’t anything new. I quickly finished off my drink and ran my hand down my face. In the pocket of my shorts was a white envelope that I was going to give to Bailey tonight or whenever the mood strikes. Three simple words on a bland piece of card seemed to be weighing heavy on my mind and I wasn’t sure if what I was doing was the smartest, but I could no longer put off doing certain shit for the sake of Bailey’s feelings; she’s going to have to find out one day or another, why not now?

Then I had to deal with Justine and her son’s declaration this morning. Too much fucking shit. “Why you drinking so early? It’s only three,” Bailey purred, wrapping her arms around me from behind.

“You think I care what time it is?”

“I know you don’t. What’s wrong?” she asked, sitting down in the seat beside me.

“I’ll tell you later tonight. You like the yacht?” I asked, already knowing the answer.

“It’s so beautiful! Come so I can show you our room,” she said excitedly, grabbing my hand.

“Hol’ up,” I grabbed another glass of Vodka and handed her one before taking one for myself. Following her lead as she dragged me around the boat, my vision stayed on her ass the entire time as she decided that she wanted to wear shorts. She looked good, no doubt, but that shit was distracting as hell.

“Look!” she squealed. “It’s gorgeous and so spacious,”

“You do know we’ll probably be everywhere but here, right?” I smirked.

“What do you mean?” she asked, turning around to face me.

“The boat is too big to make it to this room. You’ll end up somewhere else before you get here. Promise you that,”

“Yeah, we’ll see,” she said, playfully rolling her eyes. Her eyes fell on the white envelope that was in my hand. “What’s that?”

“An envelope,”

“For real, Adrian,”

“Look at this later. Not right now, okay?”

“Why? Is there something I should be afraid of in here?” she chuckled, grasping the thin envelope in her hand. She stared at it as if the words that were in the inside of the card would magically appear outside. But as far as there being something that just might make her afraid, I doubt it. But, it will catch her off guard. However she reacts is up to her but anything else, that’s up in the air. I’m counting on August to man up and tell her what the situation with Riley was too, but I have a feeling that’s going to backfire. Not on August, on me.

“Naw, just read it later,” I stated.

“Okay,” she nodded.

Licking my lips, I stared down at her and she looked back up at me with a faint grin. It was crazy to me how someone you barely knew could come into your life and have such a strange impact on your life. I’m not saying that Bailey has changed me or some shit because that has to come from me and willingly, but she has changed shit along the way. Things were supposed to be strictly business between us and it could have been that way because I do have self-control, but I don’t know what happened this time around. It’s not a good feeling because it makes me feel like I’m off my game and no one should be able to throw me off my game like that. I had something on my mind that I wanted to speak about at the moment, but it wasn’t the right time. She looked like she was really enjoying herself and I didn’t want to be the one to end that for her. “Boat will depart in exactly an hour,” said a crew member from the loud speaker.

“Ooh, I’m so excited!” she squealed, brushing past me to join everyone else.

Bailey

It was absolutely beautiful sailing the ocean that boarded the small island. I was accustomed to traveling quite frequently since it would be my father’s go to resort when all options seemed to lack in certain departments. It was something about being far away from your troubles that brought peace to me, oddly enough. The ocean was such a beautiful hue of blue and the slight breeze around my body was just right. It was close to seven in the evening and we had been sailing for some time now along Grand Turk. I sat with a glass of White Wine in my possession near the rear end of the boat. Everyone was pretty much spaced out along the boat and really had their own quarter of space to be in. Well, except the guys. They were all huddled in one of the many tableson the bottom yacht last time I saw them and it seemed like they were discussing something urgent because no one seemed to return the small smile I had given them in passing. Well!

Grabbing the blanket that was near, I wrapped it around my body and curled up into a fetal position. My head rested against the closest pillow and I sighed deeply, having thoughts of my family back home surface in my head. At least once a day I would have thoughts and most of the time, I wouldn’t have anyone to talk about it to because I automatically assumed they wouldn’t understand as much as I would have liked them to. Why? How can you exactly sympathize with someone who has been kidnapped by your doing? The only person that probably doesn’t know the circumstance is Austin and there’s no way I can vent to a seven-year old about a predicament this large. It’ll go right over his head.

I miss the normalcy that my life gave me, despite what I’m surrounded around by force. If I wanted to, I could easily evade it and do something to distract myself. While being in the presence of Adrian, you really can’t and it’s not even like it’s by chose, it just happens. I miss my mother, that’s without a doubt. Even with me being closer to my father than my mother, I still miss her and her easy-going vibe. I miss Rayne too but a part of me feels like she’s doing something wrong. Out of the two of us, she’s probably the one that needs to be watched out the most. I miss Chance. He was my other half. We fit like a puzzle and had the same mindset, so it was easy for us to click. I don’t know what he could possibly be doing at this point, but I hope it’s something productive since the last time I seen him.

And then there’s Ryan. Do I miss him? Sadly, yes. I feel stupid for missing him but for him, it’s a different type of ‘I miss you’ than what everyone else gets. Ryan was better off being a friend than anything more, quite honestly. Relationships just might not be his forte and that’s alright; I just wish I knew that beforehand. Huffing, I placed my drink back on the table and begin to stand and head back in. I liked to be by my lonesome, but some company right about now wouldn’t be that bad. Shuffling inside, I headed up the stairs and towards the kitchen to set my glass away.

We had crew members on the ship and they were spread around the entire yacht, catering to our needs. Having a personal crew on board definitely came with its perks. Grabbing the platter of strawberry off the counter, I looked in the stocked fridge and pulled out the whipped cream and began my ascent along the yacht. I had no particular destination in mind, but I figure I walk around until I bump into someone. Hearing commotion from the next roomover, I stuck my head inside the room and notice Justine and Austin. It seemed like such a cute mother-son moment that I didn’t want to interrupt but it was too late because Austin had already spotted me and asked that I come in.

“Oh, okay,” I laughed. “It’s so difficult finding everyone,” I pouted, sitting beside Justine

“I know,” she agreed. “I have to look at the camera to find out where everyone is,”

“There’s cameras?!” I gasped. It brought me back to the time when I found out that Adrian had a camera chilling in my room. Actually, he admitted that he had a camera located in my room so nonchalantly one day. I didn’t believe him at first until he showed me his desktop computer and the monitor of my room being displayed. I didn’t even know how to react when I found out quite honestly. If I recalled correctly, I laughed and called him a pervert which in return, he acknowledged that he was a perv with a chuckle.

“Yep! All over. But most of the cameras are in the main room. The monitor is right over there,” she pointed. I squeezed some of the whip cream down on my strawberries before I picked one out and bit into it. They’re so fucking good.

“Do you feel any better from yesterday?” I asked, referring to her behavior. She sighed, running her hands through Austin’s soft hair. He was too invested in watching Toy Story 3 to notice anything subtle.

“Not really,” she frowned.

“What’s wrong then?” I said, hoping that this time she would actually say something this time around.

“Not around, Aussie,” she mouthed. My shoulders slumped forward, and I relaxed back into the soft couch. We sat in silence for a total of thirty minutes and every now and then I could see the disgruntled facial expression she would make but, yet she didn’t want to talk about it at all with me. I did understand how she might not want to talk about everything that bothers her right then and there, but I didn’t understand why she rather hold it in when I was more than willing to listen to her rant. I don’t know. Maybe I was digging into this too much, but it did hurt my feelings knowing that she couldn’t confide in me – the only girl here.

“What y’all doing in here?! Meditating or some shit? Why so quiet?” Adrian asked, barging into the room.

“Shh, Austin is sleep,” Justine shushed him.

“Yeah, that’s what he wants y’all to think,” he mumbled, walking towards the couch. I reached over the table, getting ready to grab the last strawberry, knowing that he eying it just a few seconds ago. Just when I thought I had it, he grabbed it from my grasp and bit in to it. My face immediately turned into a scowl as he grinned while finishing off the juicy fruit. “Com’ere,” he called, licking his lips slowly, purposely.

“Can I get a please?” I huffed, standing up anyhow.

“Not when you obey me like that,” he chuckled.

“Don’t make me snuff you, nigga,” I grumbled, walking beside him. He threw his arm around me and led us back outside to where I was trying to get away from. But the warmth from his body was more than enough. I figure he was leading us away from everyone to finally have this conversation that’s been bothering him ever since we got on this yacht. He was a lot tenser and I’m one for picking up on body language and I definitely noticed it by the way he was walking around here. He led me somewhere completely different from where I was once aware of to another private sectionof the yacht. “This boat is entirely too big,” I mumbled.

“I like it like that. I get claustrophobic,” he admitted.

“And you expect me to believe that?” I giggled, sitting down on his lap.

“Bitch, better believe it!” he exclaimed.

“Alright, cut that shit out. I won’t hesitate to punch you in your face and dick,” I said to which he chuckled at. But I was dead serious. Rolling my eyes, I watched him lean over and grab a tray that I had just now noticed was here this whole time. What might be on the tray you ask? Weed. However, I wasn’t going to throw a tantrum about it. I can’t control everybody’s behavior and besides, he looked like he really needed it. “What’s wrong?” I asked. “Talk to me,”

“Everything,” he mumbled, lightening the joint before putting it to his mouth.

“I’m all ears,” I expressed.

“Shit, where do I begin, girl?” he shook his head lightly and took a pull from the potent blunt. “I’ll start with this morning. This morning I’m having breakfast with Justine, right? We’re eating and I peep shit. Something not right with her so I basically call her out on it. I’m usually a good judge of character and I’m trying to get information out of her and see what’s up. You know, be that loving brother. But she acting sus and if she continues to act like that, I‘m going to call her out on it and put her on blast. I don’t like that fake shit and it’s irritating me that she been trying to hide shit,”

“So, you’ve noticed it too?” I murmured.

“What you mean?”

“She was acting strange since last night,” I frowned. “Do you think something is going on with her?” I whispered, assuming the worst automatically. I’m not pessimistic but it’s the reality of the situation and what comes with this lifestyle. He stared at me for the longest, probably mulling over what I just said and the possibilities. “Trouble?”

“Naw,” he stated. “She would tell me if something is wrong. I expect her to do that much,” he gritted.

“I don’t know, Adrian. What if she’s afraid, maybe?”

“I’m giving her till tomorrow morning to open her mouth and say some shit. I shouldn’t have to guess around her and she also shouldn’t be afraid to open her mouth if it involves some serious shit. If I find out any other way, I’m going to be pissed,”

“Okay and that’s understandable. Just give her some time, don’t jump to conclusions,” I tried to soothe, the smell of marijuana circulating around us. With how much pre-rolled blunts he has set out, I’d assume that he had plans of smoking all night. I rubbed his shoulders gently because I could clearly see his frustration. “For someone who always seems to be in my business and got a fucking say in what I do, why she not trying to talk now?”

“Patience, Adrian,” I told him, rubbing his shoulders a little rougher. “What else is on your mind?”

“Austin, man,” He blew out the smoke from the side of his mouth. “Although I don’t want to believe it, I think he misses his pops,” My hand movement immediately stopped, and my heart felt like it was plummeting inside my chest. Even with me acknowledging the fact that Lonnie isn’t shit, I couldn’t help but feel for Austin, especially since I’m in a similar situation as him. My father isn’t around, his isn’t; I miss my father and I’m sure he misses his, although he might not talk about it as much as you would expect. It’s just something so unfortunate and for the fact that I had some type of hand in a situation such as this does rub me the wrong way. What if Austin was to ever find out? “He was talking about how me and him have similarities with how our pops ain’t in our lives. Man, that shit fucked me up. He seemed so cool and calm about it too like it was no big deal for a seven-year old to say that,”

That seemed to get under his skin more than anything. He was literally turning red right before me. I was speechless. I never once heard Austin talk about his father but that didn’t necessarily mean that he didn’t think about him at all. I remember once upon a time when I wondered where Austin’s father was at and to find out that I would basically have to play him a few days later, unbeknownst to me until Lonnie basically told on himself. We sat in silence as Adrian continued to puff away at his dwindling blunt. It was kind of hard watching him go through so many emotions and not have a single answer to any of his questions. I know Adrian is passionate; he didn’t have to tell me that to understand. However, it was just something I wasn’t accustomed to seeing him be so blatant about it. It was a little saddening to watch.

“Well for one, he didn’t mean it,” I stated as confidently as possible. “He’s young and impressionable so that’s probably why he said what he did. He doesn’t know better,”

“That’s not how it seemed,” he said. “Like, I feel like this was all under the influence of Justine and her trying to prove some type of point,”

“She wants Lonnie in Austin’s life, that’s understandable,” I sighed. “I don’t think she would sway Austin to think his father was a deadbeat,”

“Not when a kid walks away with the mindset that they all of all sudden don’t care no more,” he muttered.

“I don’t know what to tell you, Adrian. Maybe it’s one of those phases he’s going through,” Leaning his head against the support from the chair, he finished off the blunt with ease and sighed contently. “I wouldn’t hold it against him either,”

“I know,” he grumbled. “I feel bad for lil man, you know, cause that’s my nephew and all but I despise the fuck out of his sperm donor,”

“Why?” As far as I knew, I wasn’t 100% sure on what animosity Adrian had towards Lonnie besides the obvious and a few theories I’ve conjured up on my own. The main one solely being based upon how carless Lonnie was to allow Austin to go to the store by himself and end up in the worse case scenario.

“I never liked Lonnie to begin with, no one did. But my sister was stubborn as hell and went against everyone wishes. I was frank with her about how I see this shit ending for her and she never believe me. Now look at her and what he’s done. Something is hella sketchy about him and I haven’t found the energy to find out until Austin went missing. I don’t trust him, and I know he’s behind some serious shit. I have this gut feeling and it’s proven me right countless times,” he gritted. By the time he had finished explaining this to me, he already had a blunt to his lips, looking for his red lighter. I held it in my hands and did the honors of lightening it myself.

“Well, what’s going to happen now with Lonnie? Are you going to tell Justine? You don’t want to put her in a compromising position,”

“Lonnie is easy to deal with. Don’t worry ‘bout him. As far as Justine, I’ma tell her in due time but her ass gotta start talking first because she playing like I’m stupid,” he grumbled, his voice so husky like. I bit the inside of my lip and nodded. I felt like as soon as they confronted each other with their issues and problems, it just might be something more dramatic than what everyone anticipated. It’s no secret that they bicker and go back and forth over the smallest things but when will that come to its peak? When will the ticking time bomb erupt and leave the two of them hating each other forever? Anything could happen. and I’ve seen it even happen in my own family with my father and aunt numerous of times before they reconciled.

“I would tell her now,” I advised. “You’ll sleep easier,”

“You see this shit right here?” he said, referring to the blunt. “This is what makes me sleep… you should try it,” he smirked.

“No thank you,” I chuckled.

“Why not?” he pressed, licking his lips.

“I don’t have a reason to smoke,”

“You don’t need one,” he said quickly.

“Not now, Adrian,” I laughed at his failed attempts at trying to get me to smoke. It’s not that I’m against it, I just don’t do it.

“In the case, I need to bring something to your attention, baby girl,” His voice was stern, so I automatically knew it was something serious. I just didn’t know how serious it was and whether or not it would affect me or something. With everything Adrian has been saying in the past hour or so, nothing has been relatively positive. I just don’t know what more to expect and if I should become worrisome. It wasn’t helping that Adrian decided to take long dramatic pauses, only intensifying my worries. “I told you from the start that Ryan wasn’t shit and you would realize it too. You know that but before you’re able to go back to him,” he said, using quotations. “…. I need you to know that your man stepped out on y’alls relationship and got some side bitch pregnant,”

I don’t think I heard him correctly so instead of spazzing, I simply laughed. In my head, there was no way possible Ryan or anyone for that matter could possibly do that. I understand completely that Ryan and I might not have had that picture-perfect relationship but it was better than most by a long shot. My mind could not and would not wrap its head around something like…. the unbelievable. It seemed like some sort of twisted joke and punishment I seemed to have deserved for a reason unbeknownst to me. However, the longer I stared at Adrian’s stoic, emotionless face, I realized he wasn’t laughing or cracking a smile… not that I expected him to anyhow. Sliding off his lap and into the open space besides him, I stared blankly at the moving water with a blank mind. He wasn’t lying. He was telling nothing but the truth. “What the fuck?” I found myself whispering.

“I’m sorry to be the bearer of bad news, B. I just figure you should know before anything happens,”

I closed my eyes tightly, feeling the pressure of tears attempting to slide out of my tear ducts. If Ryan just so happened to be cheating on me, I think I would have been smart enough to find that out before hearing it from someone else. When could he have possibly had enough time to go out and do his dirt when we were always together even when we were having our differences? It just didn’t make sense and the longer I thought about it, the more I felt myself mentally caving. I would have never thought that Ryan would go as far as cheating on me when I have been nothing but faithful to him. Then to find out from Adrian of all people? This was definitely a stab to my back. Maybe I should have listened to my mother when she told me she didn’t believe Ryan was a good choice for me. Maybe I should have took Chance’s opinions into consideration. Maybe I should have listened to Rayne when the chance presented itself for her to give me her thoughts on Ryan. But I didn’t. I listened to my father and look where that has led me.

“Here,” Adrian muttered, extending his hand out. I looked down at the blunt and chuckled bitterly. My life has been turned upside down quickly in just a mere three months and I don’t know if this is something I should be grateful for because it’s eye opening or feel ashamed because I wasn’t aware before. Shit, I feel like both. So, for about twenty minutes, we both sat in silence as I finished off the perfectly rolled blunt by myself. Any other time, I wouldn’t have taken it but this was a different predicament; a predicament I wasn’t sure I could handle by myself.

“Are you sure?” I whispered, bringing my legs up to my chest.

“Positive unless Ryan ain’t the father,”

“So regardless, he was cheating?” I murmured, feeling defeated. That blunt didn’t do shit to numb me.

“I guess,” he said. I shook my head sadly, tears I’ve been trying to hide for the past half hour pour out of my eyes. There were a million and one things I could have been doing, saying or expressing but I was still in that initial shock and no matter how many times I mulled over it, I still couldn’t believe it nor would I ever think Ryan would stoop that low. Not only did he get someone else pregnant, but he betrayed me in the worst way and didn’t even have the courage to even tell me about it nor take responsibilities for his foul ass actions.

“Don’t cry over a nigga like him, a’ight? I tell my sister the same shit. Instead, you fuck their head up,” Adrian stated, bringing me closer to him.

“Why would he do something like that?” I whimpered.

“I’ma be honest with you like I am my sister; he wasn’t yours to begin with,” That only caused a permanent scowl to etch across my face as I allowed his words to sink in.

“I’m so fucking exhausted with all of this,” I expressed, tears still managing to blur my vision, even with Adrian doing his best to comfort me. I was so hurt by Ryan’s action and the fact that I couldn’t confront him at the moment because of obvious reasons only turned my sadness, regret and disappointment into anger. Why would he ever think it is acceptable to do something like that? Why be with me in the first place if that’s what you were going to end up doing to me? I didn’t deserve it, no one deserves that type of treatment and it was just grinding my gears. Not to mention, he ended up getting the chick fucking pregnant. I don’t know what I was mad at more. The fact that he cheated or that he didn’t use protection and someone that isn’t me is pregnant.

“As bad as it might sound, maybe this happened for a reason. You’re so much better than what Ryan can do and give for you. Don’t walk around with a pout and shit, a’ight? You should be happy God ain’t let you walk around with that nigga for eighteen plus years,” he murmured, rubbing my side soothingly.

“It still hurts,” I frowned. I seriously don’t even know how worse my predicament could get.

“Look, pain don’t last forever and that some real shit. Yeah, he cheated but you shouldn’t be the one feeling down about this shit. That’s all on him, baby girl. You hear me? He fucked up and now he has to deal with the consequences. You ain’t do shit wrong,” I looked up at him and smiled faintly. It was nice knowing that he felt that way but I still felt some type of way, as I should and I don’t know how long this feeling will last. I literally gave my all into that relationship and to see it end up with results like thatis heartbreaking. I said a long time ago that I was done with Ryan and indirectly, we are no longer a couple but that doesn’t take away the fact that he fucked me over like that. Had things been different, I doubt he would have ever pulled such a thing but sadly, they aren’t and now I’m stuck feeling like I was the one who purposely stepped out and got pregnant by some random nigga.

“I hear you,” I sighed, biting my bottom lip. “Look at me. I’m so fucking antsy and shaky now,” I said, raising my hand a bit so he could see. “You sure I gotta go back to him?”

“Naw, I can kill him on sight if you prefer,” he said nonchalantly with a mischievous grin on his face. Chuckling lowly, I shook my head.

“I’ll decline on that,”

“Alright, the offer is still out there though,” A moment of silence had passed before he spoke up again, intentionally bringing me out of my thoughts concerning Ryan and another thing he done to disappoint someone. “Get up,”

“Adrian, please, no. I just want to sit here and sulk,”

“Bailey,” he said sternly.

“Adrian,” I said in the same tone, crossing my arms over my chest. He knew that if he left me out here alone, I’d just end up crying and feeling bad for myself all over again. Despite his wonderful efforts of trying to distract me from the bigger picture, I had to face the music; no matter how off key it was too. Sucking his teeth, he leaned down and scooped me up in his arms, picking me up bridal style. I didn’t even put up a protest to his action and allowed him to do as he pleases. We ended up in the master kitchen and luckily for us, everyone was pretty much asleep or getting ready to sleep. It was nearing eleven and if Austin was sleep already, that meant everyone else would be too.

“This was supposed to be Austin’s but he can’t hang so I figure you would want it,” Adrian said after he placed me down on the granite counter. Walking to the freezer, he pulled out a container and grabbed a fork, finally placing the dish besides me. “Comfort food is the best, ain’t it?” he smirked, revealing the ice cream sundae. My mouth was literally watering for it.

“Thank you, Adrian,” I smiled, wrapping my legs around his body. His hands found their way around my waist, bringing me closer to him.

“Don’t mention it,” he said. I leaned in first and kissed his lips lightly. He softly sucked on my bottom lip before slipping his tongue inside of my mouth as our tongues wrestled against one another. The kiss began to turn aggressive quickly and without much thought, I found myself moaning into the kiss and pulling him closer. I needed comfort and Adrian was doing an excellent job at doing that, surprisingly. Then again, it’s not so surprising. He has a heart and it shows whenever a situation like this pops up.

“Can you stay up with me tonight? I don’t think I’ll be falling asleep anytime soon,” I confessed after pulling away.

“Why? So, you can talk my head off and smoke up half of my supply?”

“Please?” I pouted.

“After I eat this dessert,” he agreed, causing a faint smile to appear on my face. So, for the next half hour we both sat, talked and laughed while we could about almost anything. It was a good feeling knowing that he was doing his best to bring up my mood. If it was up to me, I would be in the room, feeling down as ever. It’ll probably happen anyhow, just not right now. I’m still in shock and it won’t hit me until I’m probably in New York and I’ve come in contact with him.

“I swear I just gained like three pounds,” I mumbled, softly running my fingers through his soft hair.

“Hope that shit goes straight to your ass,” he grunted, palming my ass.

“Shut up,” I giggled. We were snuggled up in one of the areasthat contained a TV since our room actually didn’t. His lanky self was laid out across the couch with him resting his head on my stomach and his arms around my waist. It was just so natural how conversation between the two of us easily flowed from one topic to the next. It was still difficult to not think about Ryan and what was just revealed to me, but I was trying to do well with keeping up appearances. I didn’t want to show how broken I truly was by the news. But the free-spirited talking didn’t last long because before I knew it, Ryan was now the topic of discussion.

“I need to know right now if you’re comfortable enough to go back home and be in Ryan’s presence,”

“I’m not,” I stated truthfully, and this has been expressed numerous times.

“So, what will make you comfortable? Regardless, you gotta go back,”

“And then what happens to you?”

He cut his eyes at me before resting his head back on my stomach. “That’s beside the point. Let me know now if you’re going to go back to him,”

“Not in that sense,” I muttered. “But there has to be some adjustments ‘cause I will not feel comfortable in his space,”

“We can do that,” he nodded, siting up and reaching for his phone; well, it was more a fake phone that he used when he didn’t want anyone knowing his number. “Call him… now,”

What?!

[swerpeant]

( jordan connor | 28 | he/him. ) - Is that SWEET PEA? I heard they were from RIVERDALE. Back home people say they are LOYAL, STRIVING but can also be VENGEFUL, STUBBORN. Someone told me they have SOME MEMORIES and can be found hanging around THE TRANQUILITY. They have an aesthetic of the DARK BRUISED EYES GLARING BRUISED EYES GLARING ANGRILY OVER A CROWD, THE SMELL OF A LEATHER JACKET AND CIGARETTES,SLICK BLACK HAIR FALLING INTO A CURL, AND A HARD TO MISS SERPENT TATTOO ON HIS NECK

BASICS

Name: sweet pea Age: 26 Gender: male Sexuality: heterosexual Relationship Status: single Species: human

Occupation: serpent / whyte wyrm bartender Birthday: may 1, taurus Living arrangement: the tranquility, apartment 3 

APPEARANCE

Eye color: Brown

Hair color: Black

Height: 6′4′’

Scars: Small silver cuts from being a rough boy. Got to be scrappy to get by

Tattoos:  a few skulls along his wrist, a death tarot card on the back of his forearm obviously his serpent tattoo, skull and serpent on shoulder, and no serpents shed their skin on his forearm

FAVOURITE

Color: Lilac

Entertainment: Reading, listening to music, drawing, flirting, manipulating, complaining

Pastime: reading, listening to music, learning how to cook

Drink: peach soda and coconut water, tea, coffee

EARLIER LIFE

(his life in riverdale)

➤Sweet pea was born a Southsider and shows that is his legacy, he hates the Northside because they resent the Serpents and consider all of them thugs and miscreants, sure, it’s a bit of a contradiction and he doesn’t give some of the more understanding Northsiders a chance but they haven’t shown him any reason too. every time he feels he can trust them his life gets ripped apart.

➤He despises the Northside; not only because more than half the town only believe the lies they have been told but because every Northsider is better off than anyone from the Southside and even the people who claim they don’t mind the Southside not one of them has ever tried to help out to make the place Sweets calls home a better place.

-Sweet pea grew up with it rough, like many of the other southsiders. His father was heavy on the bottle but when he was a kid he went off to war to get better chances on money, the only thing is he died at war leaving Sweet pea and his mother alone and due to this his mother slipped into drug abuse leaving Sweet pea 100% dependent on himself; at least until the serpents took him under his wing and introduced him to the gang around fourteen and this is where he found his true family and he became devoted to them and willing to do any job or task they need of the boy while he also gets himself in dumb situations with his friends.

-he had lived though the closing of southside high, the ghoulie take over, even the trend of the fictional game of gryphons and gargoyles. smart enough to avoid the farm he seemed to just make it to graduation where he finally watched as his friends went off to school and soon after having to deal with riverdale on his own again.

PERSONALITY

➤Sweet pea has been shown being both a total brute; fighting ghoulies and Northsiders whenever he can, standing up for the Southsiders when they were being pulled under the bus, or just destroying property when he gets angry; he solves justice physically and irrationally which is not always smart but he feels he’s only good for his strength. Sweets has a lot of problems seeing good in himself even though there is more love in him than anyone will ever know he just shows it differently. Instead of being emotional and letting his feelings out the boy is extremely protective and quick to react to violence if the people he loves are threatened.

➤It’s not canon but from the way he is shown to always be in the front line of the younger Serpents I always imagined he wants to be able to climb the Serpent ladder and be a big leader of the gang at some point which is going to really be his main focus in life until more plots come, while he will always remain loyal to the people who have never done him wrong. There is nothing that can make him stray from the serpents.

WHAT HAPPENED TO THEM INBETWEEN THE SEVEN YEARS ?

➤Sweet pea, unlike the others was one of the riverdale residents stuck behind. he kept things up and running as best he could on his own while fangs and toni went to school, not that he minded all that much, it almost felt like he was the leader he was meant to be. and until the money was raised to buy the noir with toni after she returned from college that sweet pea had the whyte wyrm fully restored back to it’s original state that it had been before the ghoulies took over it. along with this was the revival of completely having the serpents coming back as strong as they had been.

➤sweet pea sometimes might regret not being able to venture out, possibly get a chance on going to college or at least making a better life outside of riverdale which had fallen apart. but his loyalty to his family, the serpents, kept him around. he knew he needed to stay and take care of the people he loved and would die for, so being the serpent king became his absolute duty as a person.

➤For extra money to pay the bills for his apartment, Sweet pea runs product for the Serpents also  He knows a lot about cars and is always finding scrap pieces to keep his old truck running and had taken a few hours at the mechanic to make extra cash though, that is just for his own pocketing; the truckers that stop by pops has been mostly the flow of money for the man and the serpents.

LIVING IN ROSE LAKE

➤pea has most of his memories. slowly they are all coming back but a lot he wants to forget (can you blame him, the show got wild) 

➤ he works at an autoshop

MISSING CONNECTIONS

-any serpents that he’d be close with (obviously this including toni and fangs).

-ghoulies that he has extra beef with. maybe they are always out to get each other.

-exs, hook ups, maybe a past relationship: if they dated he probably would have lost them for being so focused on rebuilding the serpents and saving up for the whyte wyrm. maybe they are still into each other or maybe more angsty plots had caused them to split.

-family members?: this could be plotted out but maybe he has a cousin move to town.