#caoil rambles
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in line for the meet & greet now!!!
#they sold out of photocards :(((#but i got the parasocial tee and the dnp made me gay one#planning to take a video of the preshow when it happens!#dan and phil#tit m&g#tit milwaukee#terrible influence milwaukee#caoil rambles
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also shoutout to me bc i didn’t realize how fast i could revert back to being a 1d stan
#like they really did that to me in like a few days#it's like i'm 13 again wow#also would apologize for the spam of 1d content but also.. like it's my blog so it fine#one direction#rambles by caoil
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love the imagery of them shouting “hey twat” across the phouse at each other as a pet name
#my brain hasn’t processed anything else in that video bc of how unhinged it was#so it’s clinging to that at the moment#phan#dan and phil#dapg#caoil rambles
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also we got robbed of the vegas video clip during conspiracies and now im debating if heading to chicago is worth it to try again
#it’s like gambling but with old phan content#i glanced around and everyone was yelling and pointing at vegas#and then they rigged it#i simply must see it#titspoilers#tit tour#tit milwaukee#caoil rambles#dan and phil#tit spoilers
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still processing the whole day, can’t believe it was real
#today was just so good and now im getting a bit sad that it’s over#trying to rewatch yesterdays video while eating pizza to distract myself#but there were so many good moments#like phil clearly mixing up the dance a bit during the song and just smiling extra big bc hes a beat behind#or dan’s laughter at the scissoring comment#the preshow in its entirety#also like their voices are a bit higher pitched than i expected#i was so thrown off by that#not wildly different but enough that i noticed#also keep staring at the meet and greet photos bc there’s no way that was real#i tried screen recording my screen while the staff did a video and forgot to turn on the mic so only got half of it recorded audibly#they were so nice :(( and i miss them already :((#caoil rambles#titspoilers#tit spoilers
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intermission time!!
#it’s so so good omg#y’all were right about the dolls - phil goes crazy with the humping#they’re such good performers though :((#you can tell how much effort and care they poured into this#titspoilers#just in case bc of the doll mention#caoil rambles#tit tour#tit milwaukee#tit spoilers
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so none of us are surviving the tour, are we?
#like i know we've been saying this for a while but now it's just certain#i've never been filled with more primal fear than what i feel after this video#already was terrified of meeting them bc of my fear of being perceived#caoil rambles#dan and phil
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there’s truly nothing quite like the dread of being back in your hometown
#only been home a few hours and my brain has just been screaming to get out#it’s not even a problem with my family or anything#something about being in my childhood home and the city i grew up in feels#viscerally constricting and awful emotionally#and like a horrible sinking feeling in my gut#just absolutely hate it here#please just let the holiday weekend pass quickly without incident so i can leave#caoil rambles
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preparing for an interview at noon by laying in bed and zoning out
#been prepping questions and answers the past few days but still nervous#normally im fine bc it’s random people and I can fake the confidence#but since this is an internal job I have to meet with my old supervisor and one of our doctors I regularly work with#which is awful bc they already know me and I can’t fake that confidence as well#just want this process to be over and to finally have a work break#fingers crossed it goes decently 🤞#caoil rambles
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guys….. im dangerously close to booking tickets to go to tit iceland….
#when i say dangerously close i mean i nearly booked the flight#it’s been on my mind since my show at the start of my month#it was just so fun being around other phannies!! and it’d be special since it’s the last show!!#and i keep trying to push it aside but… the cost of the flight dropped a bit.. and it’s just very tempting#and im like… it’s a good excuse to travel a bit which im normally too nervous to do…#i did some research and there’s a bunch of cool day tours and activities in february too…#someone talk me out of it seriously#dnptit#tit iceland#caoil rambles
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dnp need to stop doing things while im at work, i feel like im about to implode while sending emails
#the calendar is just Too Good i need it!!!#and i need to scream about it please let me be done with work already!!#caoil rambles
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in line and im so scared
#just chatting with some people around me#it’s pretty chilly#but im just so nervous for what’s about to happen#caoil rambles
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finally getting over the awful cold i’ve had the past week!!
#shoutout to 7up emergen-c and an overdue dnp sims rewatch for getting me through this#can’t wait to breathe normally again and sleep without my sore throat waking me up#caoil rambles
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guys i just got to work what do you mean a new video???
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waking up to that phannie interview this morning was such a treat it almost made me forget about the horrors of turning 25
#how’d i even make it this far??#like there’s a certain level of dread i get on my birthday#from the passage of time and feeling like im failing at so many things#and also this contradiction of feeling like birthdays are a big deal and also hating attention and wishing it could just pass quietly#but this completely distracted me from that when i woke up!!#so that’s a good start!! hopefully i can keep distracting myself from that dread!#caoil rambles
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stumbled into a weird mood again :/
#i can always tell bc it’s not just that my thinking grows more negative and stuff#it’s like i can feel my face get heavier until it’s just numb#what’s worse is idk what set the mood off#might just log off for the night and try to read#if anyone’s got any mellow/quiet song recs that i can listen to lmk#right now ive been replaying a lot of orla gartland noah kahan and joy oladokun#so anything in that wheelhouse would be much appreciated#caoil rambles
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