#and also there exists at least 1 human being on this earth with 2 dicks and that's how they were oriented

[slaughtergutz]

So did you know that Arlong has two sausages?

Oh yes I have posted about it before lmao

[tanadrin]

@snazzyjazzsounds

it’s weird how for much of human history “democracy” was just like. technologically unfeasible within a medium sized state.

on the one hand i’m a big fan of, like, material conditions as an explanatory factor for social and political structures. on the other, i’m wary of letting the dicks of history off for their dickishness, as if it was impossible to know or nobody ever suggested that war and slavery and exploitation were bad, because, y’know, they did.

i think the paucity of something we might call democracies in the ancient world is due to several factors:

1) states originating as wealth-extraction machines. the earliest states seem to have approximately in common the monopolization of a valuable resource, as in hydraulic despotism, and a degree of keeping people in place by force, so elites can glean the excess of farmers and live without having to do food production themselves. sometimes this supports things people consider to be socially valuable activities, like the upkeep of temples, and sometimes not. but if you want to live in an egalitarian society, even one with villages and farming and whatnot, your best option is the extremely vast territory outside the control of organized states, which at least back in the beginning of Sumerian civilization is, like, most of the Earth. States compete over resources and optimize for better resource extraction, and more sophisticated hierarchies and ideologies that enable them to control larger territories, but the goal of “roughly egalitarian society without a ton of coercion” is exclusive with the goal of “live within the boundaries of a state.”

and i think a lot of ancient commentators noticed this; this is why the Tao Te Ching seems so down on the whole idea of statecraft to begin with, and why it paints the picture of an ideal society being one where the people of one state can hear the dogs barking in the next state over, but have never met those people face to face in their lives. because it was written in a period of fierce inter-state competition, and it did not escape the authors’ notice that states were mostly a bad deal for the people who lived under them.

(as we might also notice of the Roman Republic and Ancient Greece, even “democratic” forms of government were ways of brokering power-sharing between elites; most people living in ancient democracies had no ability to participate in their political systems.)

2) infrastructure is expensive, communication is hard. as you note, how the fuck do you coordinate a medium-sized democracy when it takes days to get a message from one end of your state to the other? on the one hand, yes, very big states did exist in this period, like persia. as did states with comparatively well developed apparatuses, like rome. but a lot of how big states operated historically was delegating to local elites--you tax the big men in the province you just conquered, and trust them to figure out how to get the most money out of their peasants. our modern idea of democracy is in many ways predicated on our modern idea of a state, which is somewhat different an animal than an axial-age kingdom!

and a big part of why this is so difficult i feel like has to be linked to the small size of towns, which is linked to the fact that most of the population had to be farming, because the amount of extractable surplus from the rural population was small.

for centuries--longer than the industrial revolution itself, maybe since the late middle ages--my sense is that the yield per farmer has been gradually increasing, which in addition to the population growth enabled since the industrial revolution itself has really vastly increased the amount of time we can spend on things other than producing food. and i suspect that that means states have a lot bigger pool of manpower available to them to assist in their administration, and gives them the capacity to do things like be run for the benefit of a larger subset of their population--and in turn for the population to demand that they be run that way.

3) i suspect lots of ancient societies were run in ways we would approve of, i.e., comparatively egalitarian, not terribly exploitative. i also suspect these societies didn’t look much like (their neighboring) states. you’re not building pyramids for the pharoah if you don’t have pharoahs after all. your court officials are not writing histories of your dynasty if you have no court and no dynasts. so these societies, along with very many others, leave less of a historical impression.

but i don’t want to overly romanticize the past; lots of societies that left no lasting historical record also probably sucked ass. slavery is observed even among hunter gatherers. humans can be real dicks, and we have, as terry pratchett noted, a really unfortunate tendency to bend at the knees.

[sparrowmoss]

my extremely in-depth and hyperspecific “trans” castiel headcanon is something i want to talk about or at least just put down in words for myself

i think of cas’s human body, the formerly owned by jimmy novak body, as a trans man, and i think of castiel the angel residing within it as existing completely outside of human gender terms and ideas BUT as someone who is okay with most masculine or neutral terms.

i think cas would have chosen short term vessels for convenience and not really been picky about the physical bodies of those, but with his present day body, he chose something he would be comfortable existing in long-term, because he knew this time it might be needed. tied to my preference of headcanoning cas as the angel equivalent of autistic, or separate from it idgaf, i think cas would have looked for a human body with, like, no bits sticking off. no dick no balls no boobs. they get in the way and can be uncomfortable and inconvenient and sensitive to pain. don’t want that. feels like something cas would do. so, choosing a guy to be his vessel who had none of that was just perfect for him.

tied to the important headcanon of jimmy novak being a trans man, i think that 1. his wife almost certainly did know, though i’m not too picky on whether it was otherwise a secret or touchy subject or not, 2. claire is not biologically related to him and was probably like a sperm donor baby or something like that 3. as you already know by what i said in the beginning, jimmy novak was a top surgery and testosterone only for transition type of guy. half of me says this because i am projecting and thats what i want to ultimately be so i want to see myself represented in a character i love (being castiel, but since he is like, possessing a body that originally belonged to someone else, you see my point) and also because i feel like not wanting any hangly bits is something that would fit cas.

for angel gender overall, i headcanon all angels as, at least originally, existing completely outside of any human concepts of gender. upon creation all angels have the same gender, which is also the same as having no gender, as there’s nothing else to compare it to. there are no Man Angels or Women Angels except for and until humans begin forming ideas of gender, and some angels learn about it either just from watching or from possessing human vessels and interacting with society, and decide they identify with some aspects of some of the many, Many genders that exist and have existed in various societies and cultures. i think the wide majority of angels would still not feel attachments to any gender for themselves, but many would have preferences for their human vessels, clothing and other presentation aspects, pronouns, titles, etc. i think angels would, as we have seen in the show, generally keep the presentation aspects their vessels had previously because speaking as an androgynous trans person it is just Easier and Simpler to interact with society if people can easily categorize you into a binary gender slot. and i think usually, angels would not be super into spending a lot of time explaining their genderweird presentation shit to nosy humans when they’re only on earth to get a job done. though in times of greater acceptance and wider presentation variability in humans, i think lots of angels would gladly take the opportunity to follow suit.

as for cas’s gender specifically, i think of him as roughly agender. i think he would accept being referred to as a man or a dude or a guy because 1. he understands that his physical appearance of his vessel lends itself to human assumption and 2. it generally does not bother him to be casually gendered in a masculine way. i think if it got down to specifics, though, cas would say he isn’t a man. kind of like how when dean was talking about benjamin, he said something like “so benjamin’s a woman?” and cas replied with something like “no, benjamin is an angel. his vessel is a woman.” using pronouns generally associated by humans with a gender, but, despite having an opportunity to say benjamin is A Man, not saying that and instead just saying benjamin is an angel. and i hc that this is how castiel would think of himself, though he just happens to be okay with the pronouns most frequently assumed by people based on the way his formerly-vessel-now-body looks.

i think overall cas would be fine with he/him or they/them, okay with most neopronouns too, and not that fond of she/her. i do, though, think he might like gender neutral titles better than gendered ones, like partner over boyfriend, sibling over brother, parent over dad or father, etc. but still be okay with the masculine titles, just slightly prefer neutral ones. i don’t think he would like most typically feminine titles like mother or sister or wife or anything like that. maybe he would be okay with a few on rare occasions depending on who it comes from.

cas is obviously not big on self expression in the form of clothing, and i generally attribute that to practicality and lack of interest. i extend that in my headcanon to things like makeup (inconvenient, not necessary, not interested in using it to try to be attractive to anyone, bad physical sensation on skin), body hair removal (its there. who cares. if it wasnt meant to be there it wouldnt be there. except facial hair because that is annoying and itchy.), and clothing that is flashy and/or uncomfortable (physical comfort and practicality being priority, he just wears what jimmy novak wore most of the time in canon aside from when he was human but i do like to imagine that in a fix-it of post canon he might have a LITTLE more variety in there, maybe at jack’s encouragement at first, idk). i think he might on rare occasions try stuff like painting his nails (or letting someone else like claire or jack or whoever) but only like. minimal stuff that wont be physically unpleasant. or like i said about the clothes, stuff thats simple and soft and comfortable. but mostly, just what is necessary for basic functioning-in-society purposes.

annnnnnnd i don’t think cas would really consider himself Trans. like for us as fans thinking about it and putting it into words i would say trans cas or trans headcanon just to mean i dont think he is a cis man but like… if you wanna get specific. detailed. pinpoint accuracy. i think angels are Not assigned a gender at “birth” and therefore kind of cant be transgender but for our purposes we kind of would consider him to be. he isnt a binary gender but isnt really Trans gender. its complicated. its messy. its trying to apply human terms to someone and something that isnt human and cannot fully be represented by terms we made to reflect us and our experiences.

this is ungodly levels of long now holy shit im sorry but i think thats everything damn

[lovelyirony]

Hi! “If I fail, I’ll fall apart/Maybe it is all a test/because I feel like I’m the worst / so I always act like I’m the best” -Oh No! This is one of my favorite lyrics ever, and I'd really like to see what you bring out of it :) You're amazing, ily! 💞

what if maria had more of an effect on tony’s upbringing than most? howard’s still a dick but make it funny

Tony has known he was probably not the best human on earth ever since he was five and his dad made a bigger deal out of a dead man’s birthday than his own. 

At age five, you don’t really know a lot about the world yet. There were about two things that Tony didn’t know that he wishes he did know: 

1.) The word “fuck.” It would have helped with a lot of his situations. 

2.) The concept of jealousy. He probably could have gone to a child therapist or some shit, he’s not sure if those even existed back then, or if his parents would have even let him go. 

(After all, he’s supposed to be their perfect little boy, just the right amount of precocious and the other amount being something like genius or respectability.) 

It is actually his mother who takes the reins on his life. Howard has effect, he has huge effects. 

Maria is a socialite who absolutely refuses to let her son succumb to Howard’s devil-may-care attitude that he’s so infamous for. Her son is going to be well-mannered, respectable, and know exactly how to treat a lady of high social standing. 

This involves training at a young age. Six would be a fine age. 

It’s not Howard who sends him to boarding schools, it’s Maria. She ensures that he goes to the finest schools available, most abroad in Europe. She trains him out of the American accent, into something a bit more refined. 

He spends summers learning different languages and different skills. He learns how to fence by the time he’s ten, and becomes quite proficient at it. 

She quizzes him on established families, up-and-coming families, and never keeps him far from her sight. 

Anthony Stark is not going to be a wild-child, she decides. 

-

Anthony isn’t, for the most part. Sure, he usually stays up past what is acceptable for the night to work on some mechanic stuff and uses the word “damn” a bit too much for his mother’s liking, but that’s the reason make-up and apologies were invented. 

He follows rules and is known to smile like his mother and enjoy listening to quartets play out in the open air during the summer months. He travels to Europe and participates in various activities and is the talk of many socialites who eagerly await his arrival. 

He’s a portrait, holding still for all’s approval, and he’s not quite sure how to move. 

That’s troublesome, he thinks. 

The problem is this: Anthony Stark doesn’t have any interests outside what is required. He loves working on inventions, and they are necessary for the company to survive, but his father hates any robotic invention he pushes for, and mother thinks that if he tells people he’s rather fond of AC/DC then he’s a plague to society and will be shunned. 

(He doesn’t say it to her face but they haven’t shunned Sunset yet, and she’s a whole world of problems, so rock music is the least of their problems.) 

There is one thing that he pushes for: university in the United States. He’s been traveling to Europe since he was a child, and he honestly needs to do something for himself. 

Maria is not pleased. 

“So after I sacrifice so much for you, this is how you repay me?” she asks him over dinner. 

He places his fork to the correct side. 

“Yes. This is how I am repaying you. By getting a perfectly respectable college degree from a critically-acclaimed university that anyone would be lucky to attend. Not to mention it might reflect badly on Stark Industries if I don’t go to an American college. Do I not trust American institutions to run an American business?” 

“You shouldn’t.” 

Anthony laughs. 

“Mother, they cannot teach me anything that Europe can’t. Let me go to college in the United States. Please.” 

“No.” 

- 

It takes Howard to convince her, and a.) Howard doesn’t even like Anthony that much, and b.) he also doesn’t like his wife that much. 

“He’s going to a damned college here, Maria. We don’t need him to go to any more of that fancy bullshit you call school over there.” 

“Fancy bullshit, Howard?! Bullshit?! You mean what has gotten him this far in life and will make him a better man of social standing than you?” 

“My god, is social standing all that matters to you? What are your little friends going to do, choke on their silver spoons when they find out that your son is going to an American college?” 

- 

Jarvis also convinces her. 

“It will be easier to monitor his progress from a shorter distance,” he advises. “And you can visit frequently.” 

Anthony gives him a very dirty look. Apparently, he wasn’t supposed to mention that. 

Oops. 

-

But, Anthony gets his way. He’s going to MIT, and he has a roommate. 

(Okay, so mother doesn’t know that. But he supposes she will if she ever visits. Or maybe not considering if Tony can successfully convince his roommate to “disappear” for at least a day.) 

-

Rhodey does not give a singular shit about high society anything or anyone. Anthony Stark is a name he registers, but doesn’t recognize. 

“Anthony’s a mouthful,” he says a week into their cohabitation. “You have a nickname or something?” 

“Ah...no? I mean, not yet,” Anthony says. 

“How do you feel about Tony?” 

“I...I suppose that that is alright.” 

“Are you from Europe?” 

“No, from New York.” 

“Well holy shit, you sure as fuck don’t sound like it.” 

- 

Anthony--well, Tony now--learns quite a bit about American schooling and what he’s actually supposed to be doing to pass off as normal. 

Rhodey (yeah he got a nickname that ended in ‘y’ too, Tony said he wouldn’t be the only one) takes him to the thrift store and tells him to pick out some clothes. 

“...there’s a shirt that’s advertising a restaurant from Montana.” 

“And? Does it look hilarious?” 

“Is that the point of this?” 

“Fashion is supposed to make you like what you’re wearing or like yourself. I swear if you say that those boring black suits make you feel better about yourself, I will be dragging you to any therapist that will take us for at least five dollars.” 

“Five dollars?” 

“Maybe less if I can negotiate.” 

“Hey!” 

- 

Tony learns how to have fun. He loves it. 

Rhodey makes him go to record stores and find the bargain bin, and they play the warped records and laugh as voices go up and down in pitch. Tony blasts Black Sabbath and Iron Maiden until the RA begs him to go to bed and Rhodey throws all of his pillows off of his bed. 

In return, Tony teaches Rhodey how to read other’s facial expressions, dress for any occasion and be the best-looking there, as well as avoiding any sort of conflict by bringing up past embarrassments. 

“Are you serious about the color of my shoe affecting my social standing?” Rhodey asks, trying to shove his foot into a shoe that was a brown color that Tony had described as a “golden mahogany.” 

“Yes, I’m dead serious.” 

“No fucking wonder everyone says eat the rich all of you are so fucking pretentious. It’s brown, Tony.” 

“Tell that to any high society woman over fifty.” 

“I will.” 

- 

As it turns out, he ends up doing it much sooner than anticipated. 

Tony’s parents come to visit. 

They call him Anthony. Which is gross. Rhodey hasn’t used the name “Anthony” in about six months. 

“I wasn’t aware that you were his roommate,” his mother says. 

“Well, here I am,” Rhodey says. “Name’s also on the information they sent out to the parents about the living situations.” 

Tony tenses as his parents brush off the obvious comment on how little they actually know about his situation and move right into the room. 

Maria stops at the huge poster of a rock band. 

“I assume that this is...James’?” 

“No,” he says timidly. “It’s...it’s mine. Their use of movement on the guitar strings-” 

“Take it down,” Maria demands. “It’s unsightly.” 

“Oh give the kid a break,” Howard says tiredly. “For once he’s not listening to you talk about the merits of paisley prints.” 

“I’m training our son for a more successful life than yours,” Maria hisses. “Of course, you’d have to stay away from your friend Jack to understand that.” 

“Rhodey, leave,” Tony says. “Trust me, it gets messier from here.” 

He does think about it. How easy it would be to walk out and check in with a couple of his other friends and talk about how crazy Tony’s parents are. How he could check back in near dinner time and then Tony could tell him all about how terribly it went. 

But Tony already looks terrible, and he’s doing that weird thing with his hands where he wrings them and then remembers he’s not supposed to wring them and makes it worse. 

“No,” Rhodey says. “I am staying until the bitter end. Who knows? Maybe I can give your mom a heart attack when I ask her the difference between kelly and forest green.” 

Tony grins. 

“You can leave any time, it’s about to get...interesting.” 

- 

Tony’s family is quite dysfunctional. They can put on a good front in public, for what it’s worth. 

Howard is impressed that Rhodey’s planning on going into the Air Force and then talks about Captain America for a lot of the dinner. Rhodey is very uncomfortable and then asks about business and Maria rolls her eyes and orders another glass of wine. 

After Howard finishes up talking about some contract and making vague threats against businesses that Rhodey thinks might actually be in trouble, it’s Maria’s turn. 

“So, Rhodey, where is your family from?” 

“We live in the Boston area,” Rhodey answers. 

“And what do your parents do?” 

“Dad works as a consultant for a local construction company, and my mom works as a high school history teacher. They both like their jobs.” 

“Hm,” Maria remarks, and it’s so light and casual and yet so cutting. Tony can see how Rhodey squirms, and he can’t just let it stand. 

It’s one thing for Maria to cut her own son down until he’s nothing. Still fucked up, but Tony can handle it. He’s been handling it for years. 

“Rhodey, how did your mom come to want to know she liked teaching?” Tony asks. “That sounds like it could be really hard to figure out.” 

“Oh, well it all started when she was in high school and wanted to change how one of her teachers treated students. It was a really inspiring moment for her.” 

“That sounds really cool,” Tony says. “What does she like most about her job?” 

“Probably the kids,” Rhodey says. 

The conversation carries on about Rhodey’s family until their dinner arrives and his mother manages to cut in with more questions. 

“So, what else does your mother do?” 

“She volunteers at the local food kitchen and helps some of the younger kids at the after-school program,” Rhodey answers. “She also makes a mean Thanksgiving turkey.” 

“Would you look at that,” Tony says. “Mrs. Rhodes sounds like a fine cook, I wish I could say the same for you, mother.” 

“Oh?” 

Howard actually laughs at that as he signs for the bill. 

“The kid is right, Maria. At some points I think your kitchen is only used for decoration.” 

“Oh, and you know how to cook, Mr. Stark?” Maria asks, raising her eyebrows. “I’d love to see you make anything other than coffee.” 

“I’ll make toast.” 

Rhodey laughs, and so does Tony. 

“Ready to go?” Tony asks, and part of it is a way to get away from an isolated conversation, and part of it is to make his parents leave for their hotel room sooner. 

“Tony, I want to have a talk with you before we retire for the night,” Maria says, and Tony tenses up. 

Rhodey can’t protect him from that, and he squeezes Tony’s hand as they walk behind his parents. 

“It’ll be okay,” he whispers. 

“Maybe,” Tony says. “Maybe.” 

- 

Rhodey goes into their building, and Howard waits in the car. He nods to Tony on his way out. 

“You’ve...changed,” mother says. 

“Well, that’s how humanity goes,” Tony says dryly, looking anywhere but her eyes. 

“Rock music? These snappish remarks towards your own mother? I don’t know if this college was such a good idea.” 

“It is,” Tony says. “I just...learned new things and incorporated it into my life. Nothing the matter with that.” 

“Nothing wrong with that?” Maria reiterates, surprised look on her face. “Rock music is for other people, you know things that others don’t know! You can perform violin and piano, you don’t have to listen to the personal manifestation of a headache!” 

“And if I like that headache?!” Tony asks. “If I like something that’s outside of what you approve, why so angry about it? Is it because you finally can’t control every single aspect about my identity? Is it because I’m not like your perfect little toy that you can make walk and talk how you like?” 

“You know it’s not that.” 

“Isn’t it?” Tony asks. “Because you want me to change every single interest that I’ve found I like by myself. I bet you want me to listen to Bach for fun.” 

“I do not want you to change from who you are,” Maria says. “You have eaten at the finest restaurants in the world and now you brag about making something called ramen in a microwave. A microwave?!” 

“A surprising amount of families in America have them,” Tony says. “And I’m a college student! I’m supposed to eat crappy food and then laugh about it in twenty years!” 

Maria turns red, and her lips screw up into a tight line. 

“I don’t think you should be here,” Maria says. “You’re forgetting your place. Your roommate is...” 

“My roommate is what,” Tony starts, glaring at her. “My roommate is what, mother? You want to honestly finish that sentence?” 

“He’s not good enough!” she yells at him. “You are a Stark!” 

Tony stares at her for a moment. And then another moment. 

“Leave,” he says. “Get the hell out of here.” 

“You don’t tell me-” 

“I do,” Tony says, using his full height to his advantage. “You can tell me how many times I’ve fucked up as many times as you want, but you never talk about James that way ever again.” 

He twists on his heel, forcefully opening the door to the dormitory and not once looking back. 

- 

Rhodey finds Tony back in his room when he gets back from getting ready for the night, and Tony is clutching a pillow and laying face down on the bed. 

“You know, you’ll have to turn over eventually to get some fresh air.” 

“Leave me to die, Rhodey. Oh my god.” 

“That bad?” 

“That bad. She’s probably going to try and put me in a prestigious college or some shit.” 

“Oof. Wanna fake your death and run away?” 

“Please.” 

“Well, too bad. I have a test next week, and you need to do your poetry notes.” 

“But poetry sucks.” 

“It only sucks because you don’t like modern poetry, suck it up and pull it out of your ass or something.” 

“Ugh, fine.” 

- 

Maria is trying very hard to get her son away from MIT and towards a fancy school in Europe. She doesn’t even care where, just away from his roommate and his classic rock posters and the dormitory. Anthony needs an environment where he can focus on networking, meeting more people. 

Howard says no. 

He can’t even bother to remember her son’s birthday, and he says “no.” 

“We need Anthony to go to an American school, and nothing is better besides maybe Cal Tech, and he’ll have to finish another year of college and Hammer Industries can use that as a sign of an unsteady heir.” 

“Well then get rid of his roommate.” 

“I’m not doing that, you’re asking for a PR death sentence.” 

“He’s a bad influence.” 

“No he’s not,” Howard says tiredly. “The kid is finally standing up for himself, and you hate that.” 

“I don’t hate that he can be his own person.” 

“You just wish he were his own person under your specifications,” Howard drawls. “He’s staying at MIT, that’s final.” 

“Hmph.” 

Howard rolls his eyes. 

“Go back to planning whatever charity gala you’re hosting this week, honey. I’m sure things will be fine.” 

Maria doesn’t speak against her husband, just fumes and decides she’s going to try to get Jarvis’ opinion. 

-

Edwin is also a flat no. 

“He will not forgive you if you do this,” he says, pouring her tea and adding in one sugar cube. “He loves his school, he talks about it all the time.” 

“And what, he calls you?” 

Edwin Jarvis realizes he shouldn’t have mentioned this. 

“At times, madam. At times. Will that be all?” 

“...that will be all.” 

Jarvis does bring up a good point. Besides her, of course, he knows Anthony best, even if he does keep calling him Tony. Anthony will grow out of that nickname soon enough. 

She has hope for her boy. He will most likely grow out of this silly little phase in life and finally appreciate her lessons. 

- 

Tony Stark doesn’t. 

Well, he learns her lessons. Can appreciate some of them and how much he hates that he uses them. 

But he learns a far more important lesson from Rhodey, and it shapes everything: 

“You’re your own person, and you’re far better as your own person,” Rhodey says. “I wanted to kick the shit out of you when we first lived together.” 

“You did?” 

“Of course I did!” Rhodey explains, gesturing with his coffee mug and getting yet another stain on the pillow. (Laundry again. Ugh.) “You talked like you were from a movie from the forties, it sucked.” 

“Oh, you mean the transatlantic accent?” 

“It’s pretentious, just ditch it. You’re interesting enough to listen to on your own. I listen to you talk about how much you hate Picasso sculpture, don’t I?” 

“You do,” Tony admits. 

“So then be yourself. Use what your mom taught you sometimes, but otherwise don’t.” 

“You sure?” 

“Of course I’m sure, I’m a fucking genius.” 

Tony snorts. 

“Okay, Mr. ‘I Forgot to Run the Dishes Again.’”

“I already said I was sorry!” 

-

Tony takes Rhodey’s advice into account when he walks into any board room. He wears the worst possible shoes with every single suit, usually uses all sorts of cultural references that fly over the old board members’ heads. 

He does things his way. It’s unconventional, it’s unpredictable, and it earns him a reputation. 

He’s in an interview in a suit and patterned tie (patterned with tiny robots), and the woman is smiling in a plastic way on the other side. 

“Now, a lot of people are saying you’re taking the business world by storm with your unconventional methods and personality. What helped you formulate this, your father?” 

“Oh god no,” Tony says, laughing. “He’d probably curse me to hell and back for even wearing this tie. My mother would drag me back down to hell again for this.” 

“Then who helped you with this?” 

“Rhodey, who else?” Tony asks. “He always gives the best advice, even if I’ll deny that about fifteen minutes later. He really is the reason that I’m who I am today.” 

“Seems like a great guy.” 

“He is. He always is,” Tony says with a grin. “Except, of course, when he doesn’t fold his laundry, that bastard.” 

The interviewer laughs and moves on, but Tony smiles to himself. 

He doesn’t have to be the best, he just has to be Rhodey’s. That’s all that matters. 

[bewaretheidesofmarchyall]

Dream SMP Good Omens AU

I wrote a Good Omens AU! It’s on AO3 here, but I’m also posting it here

Sixteen years before the apocalypse, three babies were dropped off on the doorstep of an orphanage. Two of them were human as human can be, while the third was prophesied to bring about the great war between heaven and hell, start the apocalypse, and just have a generally fun time. 

How exactly did the antichrist get left on a doorstep on a rainy night?

A few hours before

Our journey starts in a graveyard, where Baby No. 1 was found. 

Now, when I say "Baby No. 1", know that I mean the great destroyer, future doom of the world, bringer of death, currently wrapped in a fluffy blue blanket in a wicker basket, etc. 

He glanced around at the tombstones almost judgmentally, as though to say I don't think this is where one-day-old children go, but hey, I don't know enough about existence to dispute this. 

The wicker basket remained tucked away in the graveyard for a while, a few drops of rain gently falling down. Apparently, the poor weather was what Baby No. 1's escort was looking for, as he appeared as the mist began to gather. 

Wilbur Soot always had a penchant for dramatic atmosphere.

Quite a few lords of hell would call Wilbur the worst demon ever to walk the pit. This was absolutely untrue. Wilbur was a fairly mediocre demon that happened to be walking the pit, but certainly not the worst, putting that stupid fiddle contest bet aside. 

The gossip-mongers would only say things like that (and other, harsher things) because Wilbur had been one of the best fallen angels to ever swear vengeance on a broken sword. 

But it's frankly hard to keep up an emo phase for 6,000 years.

He strolled over to the basket, checked to make sure that there was still a baby in it, and waited impatiently for the thing's ride to arrive. Technically, he was supposed to be the one driving the antichrist to St. Beryl's Orphanage, but he had tickets to see Heathers that night and decided to use that most clever trick: Getting someone else to do his work instead. 

Still, he didn't have much trust in the guy he'd asked, and wanted to make sure that the child actually got from the graveyard to the car.

It was already five minutes past the scheduled time, and the weather was terrible, and he was fine with starting the end of days, but why did he have to work overtime? At least Schlatt wasn't here to laugh at him being on babysitting duty. 

Almost on cue, a raspy laugh came from the shadows of the church in the center of the graveyard. Ugh. Speak of the angel. 

Almost everyone would call JSchlatt the worst angel to ever wear a suit. 

And they would be absolutely right. 

He had no care for heaven, or the great war, or any sort of noble deed. The only predictable thing about him was his biting snark and the ever-present stink of cheap alcohol. 

When he entered a room, everyone there knew that they would soon regret not keeping him out by any means necessary, and he knew that they knew, and he enjoyed that. 

The greatest miracle ever performed in all of earthly and non-earthly history was that he hadn't been thrown out of heaven by his horns yet.

"Are you on babysitting duty, Wilbur?". Wilbur crossed his arms, trying and failing to hide the annoyance on his face. He could have had a cool arch-nemesis, but no. He was stuck with this dick.

"Laugh all you like, Schlatt-"

"Oh, trust me, I am."

"But once the child reaches 16, he's going to bring about the finale of this pathetic excuse for an earth".

Okay, so maybe he wasn't entirely rid of that emo phase. Schlatt looked at him, smug.

"Whatever you say, Soot. Hey, did the lower-downs tell you who's watching over your little finale?"

"I am. I'm watching over the antichrist, being a "corrupting influence" (whatever that means), that sort of thing."

"Well, my higher-ups had a similar idea. They seem to think that if the kid is nudged in the right direction, he'll start the apocalypse and fight on heaven's side. Bla bla bla, defeating Satan and/or Slimecicle, honestly I zoned out during the briefing. Long story short, they thought the kid needed a positive role model, and my name got picked.". 

The idea of "positive role model" and "Schlatt" being considered at all similar rattled Wilbur enough that it took a few seconds for the implications to sink in.

"Oh, no."

"Oh, yes. We're going to be neighbors!"

"No, no, no, no-"

"Isn't this exciting?". Wilbur barely restrained a scream, and only shuddered in horror. Before he could lose what was left of his sanity and discorporate anyone, a car horn beeped. It's about time.

He half walked, half sprinted over to the black car. The window cranked open, revealing a nervous foxlike face.

The general consensus was that Fundy was too mediocre of a demon to be worth any notice. 

He'd never been seen doing anything appropriately horrible or failed spectacularly, so according to most of hell he didn't exist. 

In truth, Fundy was about to prove tonight that he was much worse of a demon than they thought.

"Sorry I'm late, I forgot I cursed a major highway, and then I had to drive on that highway to get here, and-"

"Just take the kid.". The basket was passed to Fundy, who looked at it with fear and wonder.

Baby No. 1 didn't look like an antichrist (I mean, he was the only antichrist at this point and could only look like himself, but he didn't look like how one would expect an antichrist to look). He just looked like any one-day-old baby. Fundy tried to disguise how grateful he was about that. Maybe, just maybe, the plan could work. 

He looked back up to Wilbur.

"So, what was the important demonic business?"

"Hmm?"

"I mean, you said you had "important demonic business", and that's why you couldn't drive the kid yourself."

"Ah, yes. That important demonic business. Well, Fundy, that's for me to know and you to not know.". Wilbur shifted, hiding the Heathers tickets in his coat sleeve.

"Enjoy your drive!". With that, he teleported away from the graveyard. Schlatt shrugged, and continued eating protein powder out of the jar.

-----------

Fundy drove like a maniac down the highway, swerving off the road to avoid the cursed-induced traffic. 

He'd pulled off hundreds of scams before, but they were all on the humans. He'd never scammed the forces of heaven and hell simultaneously before. He was pretty sure that was called "treason". Which was punishable by death if he got caught. This is the worst idea of my entire fucking existence. 

As he sped down the road regretting his life choices, rain pouring down on the windshield, his co-conspirator teleported into the passenger seat.

"Hey, you ready to do something illegal?"

The executives in heaven had no idea what to make of Quackity. 

They could hardly call him the worst angel when there was Schlatt running about drunk off his ass, and he was even good at his job most of the time. Even now, the executives couldn't quite pin down a time he'd directly broken a rule.

However, he had a habit of taking the rulebook, shaking it out, finding whatever loopholes existed, and using them to do whatever he pleased.

There wasn't a rule saying he couldn't wear yeezys and sunglasses to important board meetings. 

There wasn't a rule saying that he couldn't try to seduce the archangels, that was implied at best. 

And there wasn't a rule saying that he couldn't get attached to the human world. The higher-ups had never considered that anyone would, so it hadn't been written down in the paperwork. 

Their mistake.

Here was the truth: Quackity didn't want the apocalypse to happen. If you spend 6,000 years in any place, how can you not care about it? Sure, humans are there and gone in the blink of an eye, but the things they make to show they were here can stay for centuries.

He knew too much history about the place to just stand back and let it get set on fire. 

So, he'd searched through all of heaven for a collaborator. There was no one willing to help him there, their reactions ranging from "I'd love to help, but I don't want to get hellfire poured on my face" to "If you're insinuating what I think you are, I'll turn you in to get hellfire poured on your face".

So, he took the escalator down to the basement. It took him a while to find someone, even there, but eventually he met a familiar fox-faced demon, and a plan was hatched.

Why did Fundy join in on a dangerous scheme like this one?

Attention, mostly. Humans were the only ones to really acknowledge his existence, even if it was almost all negative attention. Which was fair. He did steal their things a lot.

"Ready as I'll ever be, I guess."

"Great.". Quackity looked into the basket containing Baby No.1, breathed a sigh of relief that he looked like a normal human, and revealed a cardboard box. Inside the cardboard box was Baby No. 2, wrapped in a green blanket.

When I say "Baby No. 2", know that I mean a quiet mortal child with wisps of light blond hair, born to a regular human that didn't want him.

"I found him on the side of the road.". The two of them sat in silence for a while at that, before Fundy brought up the plan again.

"So, we drop them both at St. Beryl's."

"Yeah."

"And then they think that this kid is the antichrist, and the antichrist is the kid."

"Yeah."

"And our bosses try to raise the kid and sway them to the dark side or whatever, while we raise the antichrist and keep them from destroying the world."

"Yeah."

"Um. Quick question."

"Yeah?"

"If we're putting them both on the doorstep at the same time, how do we know they won't think the antichrist is the antichrist and the kid is the kid?"

"....I didn't think about that.”. They pondered the problem together. Eventually, Fundy conjured a sharpie and wrote "antichrist, this side up" on the side of the cardboard box in bold letters.

"That should work. Also, you need to stop teleporting into my car while it's moving. You could fuse with the seats, and that would suck to clean up."

And so, Baby No. 1 and Baby No. 2 were dropped off on the doorstep of St. Beryl's Orphanage. It was harder than expected to say goodbye to Baby No. 2, but they managed. 

The duo was somewhat confused by the third baby on the doorstep, who hadn't been put there by any of them, and actually just so happened to be dropped off at the wrong orphanage at the wrong time.

Baby No. 3 was in a red blanket, and when I say "Baby No. 3", know that I mean a human child that was currently doing what he would be doing for much of his life: Screaming at the top of his lungs. 

It is assumed that he was born to humans since he was one, but the kid could have been dropped off by a galaxy for all we know.

All that we need to know is that fate had not favored Baby No. 3, and that would continue for a while.

And so, three babies were dropped off on the doorstep of an orphanage, sixteen years before the apocalypse.

--------

Quite a few people (and things that at least looked like people) were excited about this. It was supposed to be a secret that the antichrist was at St. Beryl's Orphanage, so obviously everyone from purgatory to Portland had heard the news.

The lobby was jam-packed with a few demons with extremely good disguises, far more demons with very bad disguises, a mafia-style group of angels, another mafia-style group of angels but they were pretending to be a book club for some convoluted reason, a few very lost ghosts who didn't even want to be there in the first place, the man who was going to burn the orphanage to the ground in a couple of hours, the dread Charlie Slimecicle, hassled orphanage staff, and, notably, the owners of two motorcycles in the parking lot. 

The two motorcycles were a sickly hospital white and an empty-seeming black respectively, and their riders were lowkey famous (not that they liked to brag about it or anything). 

Any and all apocalypse enthusiasts knew their names (or at least their titles), and once they met up with two more friends Doomsday would truly be underway.

But that party wouldn't be started for another sixteen years. 

For now, only two out of the set of four were gathered, and tonight was less about the apocalypse than the drama and firsthand gossip to get. They sat in the corner, watching the chaos unfold with reflective eyes.

-----------

Now, someone would eventually have to adopt these babies. The antichrist would have to grow up among the mortals, and St. Beryl's Orphanage was always more of an apocalypse creating scheme than an orphanage to begin with, so they would have to find some unwitting soul to take Baby No. 2 and Baby No. 3 soon. 

Thankfully for everyone involved, three humans that showed up that day ready to adopt, with varying degrees of dread.

The first was a man seemingly in his late thirties, wearing a green coat that could almost be considered a cloak.

The second was a young adult with sunglasses and an almost royal quality about them.

And the third was a sweet-looking young woman in a soft striped sweater, who clutched an ancient book tightly under her arm.

They were quickly hustled through the lobby by the head of the orphanage, who tried her best to keep anyone in the group from seeing anything odd happening around them (Which is a bit of a challenge when certain demons think that a fake mustache from a corner store is enough to look completely non-supernatural). 

She rushed around from the tiny waiting room with the potential parents to the room with the babies to the stampede outside, internally wishing that she'd done what she'd planned in college and been a therapist instead of running an orphanage/doomsday cult.

All of the humans in the waiting room were understandably confused, but their questions were unheeded. 

The three of them sat in silence for several minutes. When it became clear that no one would be coming to check on them, small talk was attempted. 

Names were learned (The first parent went by the name Philza, while the second was named Eret, and the third Niki), the weather thoroughly discussed, and finally, the conversation turned to the inevitable:

"So, why are you here?". The question was asked by Eret, who seemed genuinely curious. Phil looked down from the clock he'd been watching, annoyed.

"To adopt a child. Why else?"

"I figured that, but what led you here? You don't have to answer if you don't want to, I'm just trying to break the silence.". Phil continued staring at the wall, preparing his words.

Half an hour before

"You want me to what?"

Phil had been driving home when he got the call. If he really had a say in the matter, he would have sent that to voicemail in two seconds flat, but his caller wasn't the kind of person you could hang up on ("person" wasn't even accurate to him). The rain was falling down on the windshield, the traffic was abysmal, and apparently he was supposed to adopt a child. 

"Listen, with all due respect, I owe you nothing anymore. I don't have to do missions for you, I don't have to kill for you, and I especially don't have to take care of a baby for sixteen years for you.". He nodded along as the other side of the call said his bit, before responding.

"Sixteen years is quick? Maybe to the likes of you it's quick, for me it's actually a sizeable chunk of time! I don't care that I have to 'just keep him alive-'". He was cut off, and he waited impatiently for his chance to speak again, which he got.

"You and I have gone our separate ways. Me and Technoblade are both in retirement, and there's no way in hell I'm adopting a child. That's my final word.". 

The voice on the other side of the call spoke how he usually did: Methodical, calm, devoid of mercy. Mentioning Techno had been a mistake, and the conversation eased into detailed and pointed threats. Finally, he gave up.

"If I do this, you'll finally leave me and Techno alone?". An affirmative answer. Phil sighed, already weary of the experience.

"Fine. Screw you, but fine. I'll take your stupid project."

Current

Phil folded his arms, a scowl on his face.

"I'm just very paternal."

For some reason, Eret doubted that, but they nodded anyway.

"I decided I wanted to adopt a few months ago. I mean, I have the money for it, and there are so many kids without parents. I think I just wanted to do something about it, and try to give some kid a good childhood.". They laughed quietly under their breath.

"Sometimes I feel like something else put the idea in my head.". Phil and Eret looked towards Niki, expecting her to speak. She held her book close to her, fingers drumming on the cover.

"I've known for a while that I was going to adopt a baby today. St. Beryl's Orphanage, April 1st, the year I turn 19."

"How did you know?". Niki opened the book, re-reading the same familiar page.

"It's just fate."

-----------

Meanwhile, the two horsemen of the apocalypse were tired of just watching. 

If they stayed any longer without doing anything, this trip wouldn't be worth the motorcycle fuel. 

They rose from the seats in unison and slipped casually into the baby room. The head of the orphanage had been slumped against the wall, exhausted. However, when the duo entered the room, she leapt to her feet.

"Excuse me, no demons, no angels, nothing dead or dying, no refunds, no Charlie, and no one I don't want here is allowed in this room!". The one cloaked in black stepped forward, hands raised in a pacifying gesture and a kind smile on his face.

"Well, I'm none of those things! My name's BadBoyHalo, but most people are kind of formal and call me Famine.". That last bit of the sentence was accompanied by a sheepish eye roll, as though to say I know it's silly, but I can't help being well-known.

"My friend over there is George. What's your name?". The head of the orphanage tried very hard to feel suspicious. There were two strangers in the most important room there, she should have her guard up as far as possible. Yet, for some reason, she couldn't feel any distrust for the Famine in front of her.

"My name is Puffy. Why are you here?"

"Us? We're just here for a look. Right, George?". George hadn't really been interested in the conversation, although it was hard to tell what he was thinking about behind his white sunglasses. He raised his head, looking bored.

"Yeah. Sure.". 

Puffy could see several concerning things about letting two horsemen of the apocalypse take a quick look at the antichrist, but she couldn't quite think clearly.

She tried to focus on the current situation, but all she could think about was how much she wanted a good night's sleep, and a vacation, and a different life. Bad's smile remained constant, cheerful and understanding.

"Is this the job you want, Puffy?". She shook her head, eyes glassy.

"When I was a kid, I wanted to be a hero. Help out people who needed helping. I really have no idea how I got here.". Bad nodded.

"Well, Puffy, you seem tired. There's a lot of muffin-heads outside making a racket, and it seems like a lot to deal with. If you want to just go upstairs and take a quick nap, we can handle things for you!". Puffy quietly agreed and walked out of the room in a daze. Already, she could tell something was wrong, but she felt sapped of the strength to care.

As her head hit the pillow, she made a vow to herself that if she came back and the kids were harmed in any way, she'd personally bring hell to their doorsteps.

-----------

"Bad, did you seriously hypnotize a woman so you could hold a baby?"

"Not just a baby, George! Three babies!"

"That makes it much better, yes.”

"You're just upset that they like me more.". Bad bounced around the babies, cooing over them.

"Who's the cutest little antichrist? Who's the tiniest omen of doom? You are!". He picked up Baby No. 2 and tapped his nose.

"Boop!". George stood there quietly.

"He's going to be mad if he finds out we came here."

"Exactly, if he finds out. Besides, he needs us."

"I know he needs me. You, on the other hand, are kind of on thin ice."

"Calm yourself. Hold a baby.". Bad picked up Baby No. 2 from his box, where antichrist: this side up was clearly visible, and handed him to George. George held the green-blanketed baby, staring intently into his eyes. 

Baby No. 3 started screaming once more, and Bad ran over to pick him up and shush him.

"Aww, it's okay. You're not going to die for another 16 years, you have nothing to scream about now!". Baby No. 3 seemed to take in his words for a few seconds, before shrieking even louder. 

The door was flung open by the ominous angelic book club, who tried to shove their way to the child in George's arms. Bad sighed, exasperated, and shifted into a more monstrous form.

"Seems like I have to do some security work. Can you hold this one too?". Without waiting for an answer, he passed Baby No. 3 to George and walked out into the hallway, using his hollow iron scales to push otherworldly paparazzi aside.

After the first act of Heathers, Wilbur slipped out of the theater. It wasn't a particularly good production, and he didn't see the point in staying. 

He decided that if he wasn't going to do anything else, he should probably teleport to St. Beryl's and do his job. 

The orphanage was even more chaotic than before, and he had to light one or two minor demons on fire to clear his way. 

Finally, he reached the room with the antichrist. The room was mostly empty, except for one basket in the corner, and a familiar stranger holding two babies and panicking slightly.

The stranger turned to face Wilbur, and he realized who he was speaking to. He'd never met a horseman of the apocalypse before, but he'd heard of their reputations and seen them from afar.

"Pestilence. Pleasure to meet you.". Pestilence leaned nonchalantly in the doorway with a smile, which was quite a feat for someone holding two sobbing children.

"Please, call me George."

"George. Interesting name, for someone with your position."

“What's wrong with it?"

"It's fine, your colleagues have just mostly had ridiculous names. I mean, who in their right mind names themself Sapnap? No offense, don't discorporate me."

"Well, relatively speaking, I'm pretty new to the job. Stick around another 500 years, and who knows what will happen?"

"With your name, or with discorporating me?"

"Both, I guess.". Wilbur checked his pocket watch (it had been broken sometime in the 1910s, and he hadn't had the time to get it fixed, but he still liked the idea of checking a pocket watch).

"Fun as this conversation is, I was thinking that I should be the one to deliver the child to his parent.". George opened his mouth, probably to say no, but the sound of the babies crying increased. He stopped, irritated, and nodded.

"Why not? It's not like I actually work here."

"Excellent. Just give me the antichrist, and I'll be out of your hair. Unless you want to meet up again after this-"

"I'm good."

"Alright.". George held Baby No. 2 and Baby No. 3 side by side, as if weighing them. He titled his head from the child wrapped in a green blanket to the child wrapped in a red blanket. Finally, he handed the one in red to Wilbur.

"I'm pretty sure this is the antichrist. I'm a bit colorblind.". The sentence was accompanied by an airy laugh and a small grin, and Wilbur smiled back before leaving the room with Baby No. 3.

-----------

Phil was going to murder him. 

The guy couldn't die, but he was going to murder him anyway. Of all the petty things, he had to threaten Philza and his loved ones just for him to sit in a room for hours for absolutely no reason. 

Was this that creature's sick idea of a prank? 

Five seconds before he was going to storm out, agreement be damned, there was a polite knock on the door. He got up to open it, and Baby No. 3 lay on the floor, silent and peacefully sleeping for the first time in his short existence. 

Phil shrugged, deciding not to question it.

He gently picked the baby up from the ground, and headed home. 

(If he'd been looking more intently, he would have noticed 1) A certain demon sitting cross-legged on the ceiling, having decided that he probably shouldn't come face to face with someone he was supposed to spy on, and 2) His closest friend hiding behind a newspaper in the lobby, ready for some good old fashioned arson).

-----------

Anyway, once the antichrist was safely adopted (or so they thought), all that was left was to find a place to put all of these bonus babies. George picked up Baby No. 1 and Baby No. 2, and headed for the waiting room, where Eret and Niki regarded each other as friends already.

Unfortunately, Quackity decided that he had some meddling left in him for the evening, and he decided to make sure everything was going according to plan. He teleported into the orphanage seamlessly, folding his wings into his coat and looking over his sunglasses.

George strolled into the waiting room.

"Pick a child, any child. I don't have all day.". Eret tilted their head in confusion.

"Isn't there paperwork, or an application process, or something official we're supposed to-"

"Do you want the kid or not?". Niki reached for Baby No. 2, and Eret shrugged and took Baby No. 1.

Quackity watched the process take place through the keyhole. 

This seemed alright. They both seemed like non-horrible humans, and he'd be fine watching over either of them for the 16 years. Then, he noticed the book under the young woman's arm. 

The Nice and Accurate Prophecies of Agnes Nutter, Witch. First edition, which should be impossible, unless she's some kind of descendant. And I'm not dealing with lying to a witch. 

He tried to remember which kid was the actual antichrist and which was the fraud. 

The green one and the blue one were both important. The blue one was the fake, and the green one was the real deal, right? Or was the green one the fake, and the blue one fake? Wasn't there a red one at one point? Fuck. 

At the last moment, Quackity decided that he couldn't just stand still and risk it. He did the first thing that came to mind and killed the lights. 

The lightbulbs exploded, leaving everyone in darkness. In the chaos, he telekinetically switched the babies.

Alright. No witches today, thanks. I'll just follow the other one home from afar, and everything will be fine.

----------

Later that night, when the orphanage was almost empty, a man set his newspaper aside and crept through the building. 

He lit Molotov cocktails with precision and chucked them wherever a fireball seemed needed. Flames weren't his usual method of destruction, but he had to get creative sometimes. 

His plan had been slowed down by Phil showing up at this "orphanage", but once he left the game was back on.

If anyone wanted to start the apocalypse and take away everything the two of them had worked for, they'd have to go through Technoblade.

The entire building was consumed and burnt to the ground. The arson case would remain unsolved, like most of his work, and Techno hadn't seen any potential casualties that would make people want to investigate. 

Sadly, there was one person left in the building when it burned, and she couldn't wake up from her dreams of the sea and a sword in her hands to smell the smoke.

----------

Wilbur followed Philza home unnoticed, disguised as wisps of shadow and cigarette ash. 

In lieu of a cradle, Phil temporarily arranged a drawer as a bed for Baby No. 3 and set him down. Once the baby seemed safe and calm, he left to collapse on the couch. 

Wilbur frowned. Where's his name? Names were important. They could be bargained with, broken, foretell fate, and be used as a lifeline if need be. You didn't just leave a child without a name.

This had to be remedied. He conjured a post-it note and a pen, and snuck over to the drawer considering the merits of different names. 

Kraken? Should I name him Kraken? No, he doesn't seem like a Kraken. The child stirred once, yawning, bright blue eyes nearly opening.

His name is Tommy.

The realization hit Wilbur all at once. Tommy wasn't a particularly demonic name, but it just felt too right to pick anything else. 

So, he wrote "Tommy" on the post-it note and stuck it on the blanket, hoping that Phil would think it had been there the whole time. 

The baby grabbed his finger as he pulled back his hand, not letting go. Wilbur's heart wasn't melted at all. Not a bit.

"I'm going to need that back, Tommy.". Carefully, he took his finger out of the tiny hand's grasp.

"It's very nice to meet you. My name's Wilbur. I'm your guardian, Tommy, and you're going to burn down the world one day."

-----------

At the same time, Quackity followed Eret back to their home (although mansion might be more accurate. Was the chandelier really necessary?). 

They'd been planning for this for months, and anything that Quackity could worry about had already been taken care of five minutes ago. Baby No. 2 was even named quickly and with care.

The angel breathed a sigh of relief. Nothing evil could be named "Tubbo", right? 

Eret disappeared to a nearby room, allowing Quackity the chance to formally meet him and Fundy's charge. He teleported down to the cradle and contemplated the kid.

"Hey, I know that this has been a long day, but I'm Quackity. Me and my friend are going to be looking after you for a few years, because Tubbo? It's up to you to save the world. Good luck."

-----------

At the same time, Niki went back to her home. 

The rain finally stopped, and she put the Nice and Accurate Prophecies back on the shelf to hold Baby No. 1, the real prophesied end of days. 

I don't know if I'm ready for this. I don't know anything about being a mother, or stopping the apocalypse, but I'm expected to do both.

The child opened his eyes. They were the one usual thing about an otherwise average baby: One eye was a fiery red, while one was a leafy green. They vaguely reminded Niki of a forest fire.

She set up the cradle and cast various charms, determined to get this right. 

She was so focused on protecting her son (for he was her son, now) that she didn't notice a skeletal green hand reach out of the shadows for her book and cut out select pages and phrases with a knife of bone. 

Niki gently put her child down, already full of intense care for him.

You're going to be okay. I don't know about heaven or hell or any of those idiots, but I can promise you one thing, Ranboo: I'll make sure you're safe. I swear it.

Hope you enjoyed!

[electraheart2012]

have you ever explained your different tags and where they come from? they’re so ~aesthetic~ and each capture a mood perfectly but i’m not really sure what they’re Meant to encapsulate

THANK U and nope i haven’t! lemme do that now, buckle in >:D ok im back up here to say this got very long but i hope it helped dkdjfkd 

in our lives is a common sense - 1) comes from a pin-light bent by joanna newsom, “in our lives is a common sense / that relies on the common fence” 2) pretty much just stuff about the connection btwn ~humanity, and just things that make me feel warm inside. tl;dr to quote ANOTHER joanna newsom song, ben wyatt.jpeg it’s about the sweetness of being 

heart is a bird - 1) comes from how long from hadestown (the concept album version, idk if the bway version is different bec i refuse to listen to it <3), “all of his sorrow won’t fit in his chest / it just burns like a fire in the pit of his chest / and his heart is a bird on a spit in his chest” 2) this one is probably the most vague tag i have, it’s just a catch-all for a like.. i hate to use the word feral, but more feral/dark aesthetic i guess? or things that feel like some kind of catharsis. basically just twisted cycle path things😩😫🤯😫😫😤😤

if i only could - 1) comes from the electronic bit at the end of running up that hill by kate bush, “if i only could, be running up that hill, oh if i only could” 2) basically anything that reminds me of adolescence or girlhood or teenagedom and the rush that comes with “we’re reeling through the midnight streets / i’ve never felt more alone / it feels so scary getting old”, but it’s kinda just become a catchall for all that and also vaguely alt/2000s stuff 

im no prophet im your friend - 1) from identical by phoenix, “tell me you’re trying / trying to regret playing all night those video tapes / i’m no prophet i’m your friend / take my advice make your mistakes / i’m right beside you, unfold that i know you / i’m told that it’s my fault / i’d rather fall and lose control again” 2) on friendship @_@ 

if you ever were to find your way back home - 1) from the transcendental song 1995 by the radio dept, “1995 seems like a long way to go if you ever were to find your way back home”, one of my fav songs and one of my fav lyrics ever 2) p self explanatory, just things that remind me of home or are about being/make me feel homesick

how the earth did shake - 1) from we the common by thao and the get down stay down, “how the earth did shake / and tumble and tremble for what the people did take” 2) just stuff about like. life/love as political things? and just general things about protest that aren’t, like, actual resources and stuff. im not 100% on this tag asdskdj 

what lies under the city - 1) from sapokanikan by joanna newsom, “wait for the hunter to decipher the stone / and what lies under the city is gone” i wish i had chosen "lost in the idling bird call” or literally any other line from the song but as the french say celebi :pensivecowboy: 2) cities tag! 

our dreams on the windowsill, see those trees turning gold in the hills - 1) from the ending of all shades of blue by gregory alan isakov, 2) this tag is the bane of my existence its so long but yeah it’s an autumn tag but also just kind of a nostalgic tag 

when the redcheeked dancing girls trip home - 1) it’s a paraphrase of a moby dick quote, “for as when the red-cheeked, dancing girls, April and May, trip home to the wintry, misanthropic woods; even the barest, ruggedest, most thunder-cloven old oak will at least send forth some few green sprouts, to welcome such glad-hearted visitants” 2) spring tag! 

youre the only warm thing for miles - 1) from i’m going back to minnesota where sadness makes sense by danez smith, 2) winter tag~! 

barbed spined hold us close forever - 1) a paraphrase of emily by joanna newsom, “the ties that bind they are barbed and spined and hold us close forever” 2) stuff about family/so far mostly siblings 

siren's song take me home - 1) from a map a string a light by yvette young, "siren's song take me home / where the stones can cover me" 2) i can have a little fantasy tag.. as a treat

n - nostalgia and on childhood 

glowing pink in the night - 1) from the mitski song duh 2) for that hashtag moment when you glow pink in the night in ur room, blossoming alone over uuu. i don’t really know abt this tag it kind of pisses me off i can’t decide what it’s supposed to be

heart has no home - 1) from “to the bone” by the queen of haunting songs, mirel wagner, “my heart has no home / you’ve bruised me to the bone” 2) it was a vampire tag but i think it’s just going to be more monstrous people now

sounds of people - 1) MYYY GODD IM SO LONELYYYY SO I OPENNNN THE WINDOW!!!!! 2) it’s like supposed to be urban loneliness but i need to brush it up a bit o_o i also might just merge it with heart is a bird

i think those are all the tags i use most often? but yeah i hope this answered your question n i hope you’re having a good night djfdj <3

[thebibliomancer]

Essential Avengers: Marvel Super Heroes Secret Wars #10-12

February, 1985

DEATH TO THE BEYONDER!

Wow, Doom has been beaten to hell in this story, huh?

Couldn’t have happened to a nicer etc etc.

Anyway, lets get to it.

Last times in Secret Wars: Some amazingly powerful being from Beyond the universe called the Beyonder kidnaps a bunch of heroes, villains, shades thereof, and chunks of random planets to put on a big toy commercial where action figures can bonk off each other.

The X-Men ditched the other heroes to team up with Magneto to do their own thing, as they’re wont to do. But still largely helped the other heroes fight the villains. And didn’t even do villain shit even though Magneto advocated for it.

There have been a bunch of fights back and forth between the groups but most recently, Captain America’s group of heroes stormed Doombase and took down the villain group then had to rush to back up the X-Men in dealing with Galactus who wants to eat the planet, as he is wont to do.

Doom busted out of the cell the heroes stuck him in to pull off his master plan with the help of solid sound man Klaw while Reed Richards had a crisis of weird conscience as he became convinced that maybe Galactus should eat the planet. But he eventually helped the other heroes drive Galactus off-planet where the hat horned purple planet eater started to eat his own spaceship, with Doom planning to steal that tasty snack.

And that brings us to now.

Where things are getting super freaky.

Reed Richards’ skeleton viscerally upsets me.

But as Galactus’ ship turns from Mobius ship to energy cloud, the cloud gets ripped away from Galactus and streams towards Doombase.

Captain America sends Captain Marvel to Doombase to check if Doom is behind this Total Doom Move and she zips over to determine, yup, Doom is pulling a total Doom right now.

He’s got himself strapped to a thing under a bunch of Klaw lenses injecting PHENOMENAL COSMIC POWER right into his itty bitty body.

Captain Marvel is going to zip back over to let Captain America and Mr. Fantastic know whats going on but Professor X chimes in her brain that he’ll save them some time by setting up a psychic conference call between her and Reed.

Meanwhile, Doctor Doom finishes consuming the aggregate energy of a spaceship the size of a solar system and trips out a little on omnipotence.

Doom: “By the dark gods! My least whim alters the world around me! Such is the power coursing within me that stone and steel are wisps of nothing which bend and transform in slavish obedience to my merest stray thought!”

Just say no to phenomenal cosmic power.

Also, some omniscience, which lets him see his own brains and into the souls of the people in Doombase.

Annnd. He spots Captain Marvel. Womp womp.

When the psychic connection between her and Xavier is suddenly cut off, the heroes pile into the X-Men’s wrecked ship to fly to Doombase and save Captain Marvel.

Hm. They’ve really been back and forth. They were all just at Doombase and then they came here and now they’re going back to Doombase.

Since the ship is wrecked, Magneto just propels it with MASTERY OF MAGNET and Cap(tain America) praises him for living up to his hype.

Which sets Magneto off on a rant.

Magneto: “I gather, Captain America, that you would have preferred that I fail! Or... was that remark, perhaps, intended to be a ‘well done’ for which I should humble thank you.”

Captain America: “At ease, mister!”

Magneto: “Allies should be ‘at ease’ with one another! What troubles you? Is it my awesome power? Are you jealous? Afraid? Or is it merely because I am a mutant that you are not ‘at ease’?”

Captain America: “Now that you mention it, the fact that you tried to kill all of us here several times as part of various evil schemes for world conquest is pretty hard to forget entirely!”

This sort of feels like Magneto is antsy because he hasn’t been villaining as much as he likes. Or like him going ‘today I shall cause problems on purpose.’

But, whoops, Cap says that he doesn’t have a problem with the X-Men which sets off Wolverine on a rant about how Captain America doesn’t do enough for mutants.

Geez, its like the time he unmasked a governmental conspiracy by Richard Nixon to use a mutant powered UFO to take over America doesn’t even count.

Wolverine accuses Cap of not laying off Magneto even though he’s been helpful. I’ll note that all Cap did was tell Magneto good job which Magneto decided was a slight.

Meanwhile, over at Doombase where Doom likes to Doom, Doom is pondering what to do now.

He is now powerful enough to wipe out everyone on Battleworld with a wave of his hand and easily win this Secret Wars. But he’s already so powerful, what could he possible ask the Beyonder for?

Doom: “Are those dust-mote heroes truly my enemies? Or... is there now but one foe in all existence worthy of Doom? The Beyonder himself!”

Mostly because he exists and is more powerful than Doom and that simply cannot do.

Like, Doom notes that he already has all the power he could ever want but there’s someone over outside the universe who has more power so Doom wants it. Even though the power he do have is messing him up.

Truly Doom in a nutshell.

Hm. Is it odd that everyone just decides that the Beyonder is male based on nothing? He does decide to be male when he manifests on Earth in Secret Wars 2 but there’s no basis for the assumption here.

But we have toys to sell so Doom upgrades his armor.

This was another request from Mattel, for Doom (and Iron Man, hence the upgrade he gets from Mr. Fantastic) to be given high-tech costumes.

I personally think they just didn’t want to make capes. Notably, there was never a Thor toy.

In-universe, the new armor is a secret weapon to use against the Beyonder, based on Galactus’ machine and the data Doom got scanning the Beyonder in issue 1.

The heroes but into Doombase to find no one to fight. All the villains are still locked up and Doom is nowhere to be seen. They find Captain Marvel, frozen in light form like a hologram.

Then a massive KRAKABOOOM! shakes the fortress as DOOM goes to confront the Beyonder.

The Beyonder: “Stop! You cannot approach me!”

Doom: “Then approach me, coward -- on your knees, if you have knees! Come! Cringe before your master! Grovel before Doom!”

The conflict starts to shake Doombase apart and a big ol rock falls on Reed’s lower torso and knocks the wind out of him.

The monitors in Doombase also shows that the destruction is worldwide, causing devastation to Zsaji’s village, and doing her an injury.

I assume Denver is also affected. I really want that miniseries focusing on Denverians during Secret Wars.

Colossus tries to tell Johnny that Zsaji has been hurt but Johnny’s attentions are elsewhere.

Human Torch: “I -- I’ve got no time for a chippie now! Reed’s hurt! I’ll send her a card later!”

Geez, Johnny.

Anyway, the fight between DOOM and the Beyonder is so so devastating that its threatening to snuff out the sun.

Which, if nothing else, is impressively bonkers.

But wherever Doom falters, the Beyonder doubles his assault.

Turns out that absorbing the energy of a spaceship the size of a solar system doesn’t make you a match for a guy that can casually wipe out a galaxy.

Doom: “Th-thus -- ? Thus falls Doom? No! No! What is pain to one such as I? I -- I will shut it out. Other men fall prey to the very spectre of death... when her cold embrace seems imminent... they simply swoon into her arms! But I... I am Doom! I -- I deny you, death! Victor von Doom must not die!”

He says this after his leg falls off. For the sake of context.

The world-shaking pauses and an image of Doom appears before the assembled heroes. Trying to come off as confident but blatantly holding his hat.

Doom: “Greetings! I am Doctor Doom! ... Though I am far more than the being you once knew! Indeed, I have transcended mortality -- and yet, I am your champion -- fighting for your sakes! I am about to crush the Beyonder!”

“The Beyonder, in his cosmic arrogance abducted us all and brought us here to do battle for his amusement! ‘Slay your enemies...!�� He said -- but in truth, he is the real enemy!”

“While he can reach us, our universe is not safe from his manipulations! He must be utterly defeated and sealed away beyond the portal before -- or destroyed! In the name of all who exist in our universe, I, Doom, have dared to attack the Beyonder!”

“The battle has gone well. Even now, the Beyonder cringes in terror, marshalling his failing strength against my final assault! Hence, this lull in the strife -- which has allowed me to appear to you and offer you the chance to share in my glorious conquest. Lend me your power! Hasten his certain defeat! Come! Who will join me against our common foe? You have but to touch my hand! Who shall be first?”

“To him, after our victory, I shall grant power beyond measure -- with which to further his noble purposes, of course! You know I speak the truth! You feel it, do you not?”

I mean, Doom has a point. The Beyonder IS the real enemy. If the heroes refuse to kill anyone, the Beyonder is never going to let them go home. Unless this is a secret test of character but nothing I’ve seen would lead me in that direction.

It’s just. Its Doom. Who would trust him with EVEN MORE PHENOMENAL COSMIC POWER?

Magneto immediately steps forward to offer his power to Doom’s service (womp womp) but he meets Xavier’s gaze and hesitates.

Long enough for several Avengers to tackle him away from Doom.

Proving his claim that the fight is definitely in the bag, Doom can’t maintain his GoFundMe hologram and fades away.

Hawkeye, one of the Avengers that tackled Magneto, starts yelling at the X-Men about the company they keep and what it will take for them to realize Magneto is a dick.

But Captain America interrupts Clint. He says that everyone was tempted by what Doom was offering and goes so far as to speculate that Doom was applying some sort of mind control to them and that Magneto just got the biggest dose.

This is all pretty unsubstantiated but he also does point out that Magneto hesitated to grab Doom’s hand and dammit that counts for something.

Meanwhile, Doom is having a bad time.

Trying to crowdfund a Beyonder defeat having not met its goal by the deadline, Doom is at the mercy of the Beyonder.

But the Beyonder is a curious cuss.

I mean, obviously. Why put on a Secret War unless you’re bored and curious.

The Beyonder starts prying into Doom’s brain and forces Doom to remember his ENTIRE BACKSTORY so he can watch.

You probably know it. Roma youth. His mom killed for witchcraft and her soul trapped by Mephisto. Doom studies magic and science to try to contact her. Makes a hellevator device that blows up in his face.

The Beyonder pries into Doom’s desires for: power over the destinies of other men, for freedom for his mom’s spirit, and for his putting on the piping hot mask face to be restored.

All these desires fascinate the Beyonder and he takes his dissection of the Beyonder to an unfortunately literal level and starts flaying Doom to peep his organs.

Meanwhile, the biggest shock yet hits Battleworld and Doombase starts shaking apart.

Captain America goes to free the villains trapped in their cells and finds Wolverine there who agrees that they shouldn’t leave the villains to die in cages, no matter what they’ve done. Magneto is also helping evacuate the captured villains from the medical wing.

Wolverine: “Don’t take this wrong... But you’re a better man than I gave you credit for! I’m an attacker an’ you’re a defender -- but we’re both soldiers! I’m beginnin’ to think you got room in your high-falutin’ ideals for all people... don’tcha -- ? Even if they’re mutants!”

Captain America: “Some of my best friends are people!”

Hah!

Anyway, RIP Doombase. You had a name and that’s more than I can say of the initial hero base or Magneto’s U-fort.

The shaking stops and a glowing orb of light floats down from space in front of the collected heroes.

Oh my god! The rest of the characters are 4-inch figures but Doom is rocking 24 inches and full articulation!

The heroes prepare to fight the Giant-Sized Doctor Doom but Doom bwoop bwoop bwoops back down to their scale and explains that absorbing the Beyonder caused him to be big because of reasons but he’s got a better handle on it now.

Its not shown on panel but remember Doom had his secret anti-Beyonder weapon hidden inside his armor and the Beyonder got real close when he was dissecting Doom. Which Doom regained consciousness during. So that’s how he did it.

Doom: “First, know you these things... The Beyonder no longer exists... and Doom has been reborn! Thus, have two evils come to an end! There is no enemy left to fight! THE WAR IS OVER!”

Caption: “Nonetheless, we strongly suggest that you read the next issue of Marvel Super Heroes Secret Wars on sale in thirty days!!”

Hah.

March, 1985

... AND DUST TO DUST!

I’ll give Marvel Super Heroes TM Secret Wars TM #11 this. It promises and teases THE FACE OF DOOM right on the cover and dammit, it delivers.

Gaze upon his generic attractiveness. He looks like Peter Parker having a wild eyebrow day.

I suppose the real surprise is that he fixed up his scarred face, which puts him two checkmarks into his three greatest desires.

He’s the supreme being in the universe and he’s got a face to match.

In a very reassuring manner, Doom tells the assembled heroes that he could destroy them all with a thought and then doesn’t bother destroying them.

Over in the distance, the freed villains see Doom talking with the heroes and Absorbing Man decides that Doom is selling out to the heroes. The other villains get their dander up at this and debate going over and kicking Doom’s ass.

Volcana: “I don’t know what to think, Owie! Doom is the one who made me into Volcana which is wonderful -- but, gee, he does seem to be double-crossing us!”

Molecule Man: “And I had such faith in him! I believe in him! I -- I’m furious!”

Volcana: “Now, Owie, remember your analyst said it wasn’t good to get overwrought!”

Molecule Man: “I don’t care what she said! I’m going to kill that lying, two-faced, rotten fink! Do you hear me, Doom? The Molecule Man is going to kill you!”

Then Molecule Man flips up several billion tons of the planet’s crust so he can have a conversation with Doom.

Doom just shows Molecule Man the foundations of eternity, the secrets of the universe, how all things work so that Molecule Man can realize that he is the second mightiest in the universe, after Doom.

Doom: “Think! Every molecule, every iota of matter in the cosmos answers to our whim! And all the forces which govern substance bend to your will -- for matter and energy are one and the same! The only limits on your power are those which you have imposed upon yourself, subconsciously because of self-doubt... self-hate... fear! Open your mind to the majesty of your power, Owen Reece! Accept your destiny... and fear no more!”

Molecule Man: “I -- I can control organic molecules! I can do... anything!”

Well.

This bodes something.

Doom then takes off and an amazed Molecule Man declares that he’s now the leader of the villain group. And considering he can peel the planet’s crust in a fit of pique, nobody really wants to say nay.

Molecule Man apparently didn’t want to hurt anyone so when he peeled up the crust, it somehow didn’t hurt any of the heroes. Just relocated them very insistently. Although if they stayed put they’d suffocate from the thin atmosphere.

They return to Doombase, which is somehow still standing. But aside from recapping the series, they really don’t know what to do until Doom makes himself known again.

The villains retreat to the suburb of Denver, Colorado and to the apartment belonging to Marsha Rosenberg (Volcana).

They decide that they don’t actually care about the Secret Wars anymore and just want to go home. And Molecule Man, being a good leader, decides to make this happen for everyone.

Man. I hope none of Denver’s population went wandering outside suburb limits before Molecule Man domed the suburb and chucked it into space.

The heroes spot it happening on their instruments (and because a chunk of planet being ejected into space causes a rumble) but there’s nothing they can really do about it. So Cap suggests everyone sleep on it.

Colossus can’t sleep because he keeps thinking about how deeply he is in love with Zsaji. So he ditches to zip to her village on an air jetski.

Missing a blob of light enter the Doombase and possess the Hulk.

Possessed Hulk lumbers around the base like a sleepwalker, being found by Spider-Woman who can’t sleep for worrying about her hometown of Denver.

She tries to stop Hulk with her psychic webs but he busts through and shoves her to the ground. The weird light blob goes from Hulk to Spider-Woman.

Hulk goes back to sleep and possessed Spider-Woman creeps into Doom’s lab and the discarded head of Klaw.

But there’s a flash of light and soon a confused Spider-Woman is telling the other heroes that Doom showed up, reassembled Klaw, unfroze Captain Marvel, oh and engraved an invitation to the heroes to meet him tomorrow at his sweet new tower.

Klaw: “I told you once -- ! I am my wildest dream! Dream! Eem, eem, eem...”

Doom: “I shall miss dreaming...”

He tells Klaw that he does not need sleep anymore and doesn’t dare sleep anymore because of the power contained in him.

Meanwhile, Colossus arrives at Zsaji’s hut while she’s sleeping and invites himself inside. Its creepy or romantic, shrug. She wakes up, he gives her flowers, and confesses he loves her.

Not really understanding the words but getting the gist, Zsaji seems into it.

I guess she gave up on Johnny. Or her people are polygamous.

Later, Wolverine and Nightcrawler gossip about Colossus’ love life. Neither very sympathetic about Colossus cheating on Kitty Pryde.

You’d think they’d also be unsympathetic about the age gap but eh.

Wolverine is also convinced that Colossus isn’t even REALLY in love with Zsaji, that its just a side-effect of her healing power. PLUS, she’s an alien so who knows what love means to her.

Hm. This really does look like a job for Cipher.

The non-Colossus heroes all go to meet Doom at THE TOWER OF DOOM, where Doom is quick to reiterate that they have nothing to worry about with Doom now possessing phenomenal cosmic power.

Doom: “Much has changed, Captain America! Much indeed! For, when I usurped the Beyonder’s power, slaying him -- in a way, Doom died as well! Now, I am all-powerful! I have nothing to prove to lesser creatures -- and none are my equal! I am complete... serene in my omnipotence! The dark, seething desires which once drove and shaped Doom are no more! Nothing in this universe -- nothing of which you can conceive, no matter how cosmic in scope -- could possible merit my attention! For as Eternity is to you... I am to Eternity! I have transcended all concerns of this plane of existence -- and, yet... we have unfinished business! Loose ends, if you will, left over from my mortal life! I cannot undo all of the evil works of my life without unraveling a great deal of the fabric of reality, causing enormous upheavals in the time/space continuum -- ! I can, though, easily set right some of the crimes of these few days past...”

Its good to see that Doom didn’t let becoming the unchallenged supreme being of the universe change him, at least in regards to words words words.

Anyway, he reintegrates Kang and sends the very confused future man home to the future.

He tells the heroes that Galactus has already been found and aided by his herald, Nova.

Which just leaves the wrong that Doom has done the heroes. He offers them a boon to atone for the suffering they’ve endured at his hands.

The heroes debate what to ask for. Spider-Man suggests that Doom can send them home only for Reed, perhaps peevishly, to remark that he can get them home. Nightcrawler suggests that Doom could find Lockheed, who was part of the intro cast but went missing near the beginning. But Captain America tells Doom that they want nothing from him.

Doom: “Very well! Our dealings are ended! Forever! Leave, now as you entered! Soon I shall ascend to higher planes! Until then -- and mark this -- I will not suffer any disturbance! Go... and do not seek to enter my presence again, for I will utterly destroy any who dare!”

Wow.

His magnanimity sure is short-lived.

The heroes do leave but outside Cap(tain America. Captain Marvel hasn’t had a line since she was unfrozen, I think) does a headcount and Spider-Woman is missing.

Despite the risk of Doom making good on his word to kill anyone that disturbs him, Cap won’t leave a comrade behind and reenters THE TOWER OF DOOM.

Cap stumbles onto Doom chilling with his shirt, mask, and boots off and luckily Doom is either in a good mood or hasn’t counted Captain America as leaving yet.

Captain America tells Doom that Spider-Woman is missing so Doom sends Klaw to go find her.

Klaw goes looking for Spider-Woman but runs into one of her webs. The missing, possessed hero grabs Klaw and transfers the blob of light to him.

Back at Doom having dressed up, maybe feeling awkward about being casual in front of anyone who isn’t Klaw, Doom reveals to Captain America that his mom’s spirit is being held captive by Mephisto and that Doom plans to free her.

Doom: “Is that little enough to ask? Little enough self-solicitude -- ? To free my mother’s soul from endless torment at the hands of an extra-dimensional demon! After that... it is as I said -- no affair of men -- or demons -- could possibly gain my notice!”

Cap comments that Doom is looking pretty human but Doom says its for everyone else’s protection that he keeps the power contained, lest he accidentally wipe out solar systems and galaxies.

Doom: “While I linger on this plane, I am like a giant on a world of ants! Every slight movement I make can seal the destinies of millions! I... do not wish to destroy anyone!”

Klaw returns and tells Cap where to find Spider-Woman so Cap goes off to retrieve her.

The heroes all take off back to Doombase and Cap asks Professor X to summon Colossus because there’s a decision to be made that everyone has to be present for.

Which leads to this delightful scene of Professor X interrupting Colossus as he’s making out with Zsaji.

Despite Colossus telling Xavier to buzz off, Xavier insists that Colossus return and alas duty before booty. Or something.

When Colossus arrives, the heroes all assemble in a conference room that Cap managed to find in Doombase.

Wasp doesn’t see the problem with Doom wanting to rescue his mother and Cap agrees that its a very humane and human thing to want and that in other circumstances Cap would have volunteered to help him.

But its the human that bothers Cap.

It gets back to Jim Shooter’s themes from his non-consecutive Avengers runs. Graviton, Nefaria, Korvac, Molecule Man, and Moondragon.

Godlike power in the hands of the all too human.

Captain America: “Doom claims he’s transcended all human desire! What if he hasn’t? We’ve seen the power of the Beyonder -- Doom’s power -- in action before! It is such power that even now, nothing in the universe can take place without his consent! That kind of authority rightfully belongs to... no man! No matter how enlightened or benevolent he’s become, freedom to do what Doom allows is not freedom!”

Cap is edging very close to ‘attack and dethrone god’ and I don’t know if he means to.

But as Cap points out, the first thing Doom did with his new power was to repair his face. Awfully human-like vanity.

Mr. Reed Fantastic concedes what Cap is getting at and agrees they need to force Doom to give up his power. And where Reed goes, so goes the rest of the Fantastic Three.

Which doesn’t tell you whether its a good idea or not considering they were both behind ‘let Galactus eat us all’ when Reed suggested it.

But the Avengers, the spiders, the Hulk, and the X-Men all agree as well.

Colossus is the last person to speak up and he suggests that if they attack Doom unprompted, maybe they’re the dicks. Doom may never harm them, may do what he’s said he’ll do and ascend to a higher plane of existence and contemplate gluons or whatever.

Captain America: “You may be right, son! I’m not dead certain about any of this! That’s why it must be a unanimous vote... or we do nothing! Don’t think you must agree! The choice is yours... Keep in mind, by the way, that if we do decide to confront Doom, it’s possible that we might be annihilated on the spot by a bolt from the blue!”

Wow, Cap isn’t just telling Colossus he can vote how he likes and not feel he must go with the majority. He’s also giving good reasons NOT to vote with the majority.

That Cap. He loves democracy so much.

Colossus struggles because he’s just found love and happiness and he never got to finish making out. And he’s being asked to possibly throw that all away unnecessarily!

Cap still won’t press Colossus one way or another so Colossus has to speak from the heart.

Colossus: “Forgive me, Zsaji... I say yes... We fight!”

He chose........... poorly?

Wonder what the last issue will be about now that half the cast is dead. Ignoring that we see several of these people alive in an issue set after this but published before.

Ignoring that. I wonder what the last issue will be about.

Good thing we don’t have to wait.

April, 1985

“...NOTHING TO FEAR...”

Okay, see, this is just making me wonder harder.

Hm. I also wonder if this is the first big moment where Captain America’s America Shield gets broken for dramatic effect. I know it happens again in Infinity Gauntlet but that’s some years away.

Anyway, yeah. The twenty-one hero characters and Magneto (twenty-one feels like A LOT, geez) have been totally killed forever and they will certainly stay dead.

To Zsaji’s alarm, since in a bit of establishing relative positions, she can see Doombase from the mountain near her village that Galactus set up his planet-eating equipment on.

Over at THE TOWER OF DOOM, Doom contains the power again.

Klaw: “Seal up the power -- god’s might in a can! Thus, Doom is just another man! But why?”

Doom: “Lest in a careless moment, a casual flick of my little figner might blacken a star system, or wipe out an intergalactic civilization. Lest, like Vishnu. ‘I am become death, the destroyer of worlds.’ This universe is too fragile!”

Klaw: “Such power! Such weight upon your shoulders! Poor Doom!”

Klaw questions whether the heroes are REALLY dead but Doom insists on it.

Meanwhile, Denver floating through space towards Earth.

I wanted to question... like... how much oxygen or food a Denver chunk could contain but Molecule Man laughs at logistics. He can just turn space dust into whatever he needs.

Man, Molecule Man would be great to have on a generation ship.

The villains are still chilling out in Volcana’s apartment, instead of taking over the largest building or whatever. Nice thing about Molecule Man being boss is that he doesn’t really approve of all of that.

Enchantress locks herself in the bathroom because dammit, sometimes you just need alone time to consult with a water elemental for some juicy exposition.

Because its issue 12 and we don’t know anything about the Beyonder really and Doom has already eaten him up so its now or never.

Honestly, time should have been budgeted for it earlier but what can you do.

The water elemental knows some things by gossiping with other spirits asks as price for her exposition that Enchantress “grant me power to walk through fields of flowers as mortals do” but Enchantress just threatens her into it.

She’s not a great boss.

Water Elemental: “In his realm, the Beyonder was everything and everything was him... and he was content! But by chance, an event in our universe opened a pinhole into his beyond-realm -- and through the pinhole he glimpsed the Earth! For the first time in his existence he became curious! So, he began to observe! For years, he watched the Earth! One thing confounded him above all else -- this incompleteness beings of our universe seemed to have -- this thing called... desire!”

So the Beyonder chose subjects of power, presence and palpable desire. The three P’s. And then he either raptured or lured into his game. The Beyonder sorted them according to the nature of their desires, which is why Magneto ended up with the heroes. Because his desire for mutantkind is like the altruistic desires of the heroes. Vs the personal desires of the villain group.

The Water Elemental recaps the war, including an image of Enchantress getting punched by She-Hulk, probably to piss her off. Yadda yadda, Doom played the larger game while everyone was doing punches and managed to usurp the Beyonder.

Water Elemental: “May I go down the drain now, please?”

Except no. Enchantress is still a bad boss and demands that the elemental use her rapport with the water on Battleworld to tell Enchantress whats going on now.

The elemental says she doesn’t have the power to do that so Enchantress dunks the elemental and boils some power into her.

Enchantress sees images of the heroes being effortlessly slaughtered, Klaw waiting on Doom as he relaxes, and Doom planning to invade Mephisto’s realm.

The last question Enchantress asks the rather haggard looking elemental is whether the Beyonder is truly dead.

Water Elemental: “N-no... he is close by Doom. But too weak to act... He is hiding where Doom would never suspect, awaiting an opportunity... a moment of vulnerability.”

Humorously, during this scene, the Absorbing Man starts banging on the bathroom door and asking Enchantress if she fell in.

In the living room, the Lizard is getting antsy about being cooped up.

Lizard: “RRAWRR! Out! Lizard wantss out of thiss humanss’ nesst! Musst be in sswamp! Lizard hates humanss!”

The Wrecking Crew just want to kill Lizard to spare the hassle but Volcana sticks up for him because its in her nature to take care of things. And in the same way he demonstrated with Wasp, Lizard folds into surly obedience as soon as someone is firm but nice with him.

Lizard isn’t the only one that’s antsy, as Dock Ock starts complaining and smashing the walls about how unlikely it is that they’ll ever reach home.

Doctorpus Octopus: “Don’t you fools realize the odds against us ever reaching Earth? An ant dropped in the middle of the Sahara would stand a better chance of getting to Hawaii!”

Molecule Man wanders in and tries to calm down the doctorpus while Enchantress lures Volcana away from the crowd.

Enchantress has decided that its time for Volcana to repay her debt for portaling her over to Molecule Man’s side after he was Wolverine’d. And the blank check cost she’s decided on is for Volcana to help Enchantress return to Asgard immediately to warn her people about the danger that Beyonder Doom poses.

And Volcana can help by ‘donating’ her life-force to power the teleport. And by donate, of course, she means, mystically contractually obligated.

Elsewhere, Molecule Man shows Doc Ock that he’s restored the stars in the galaxy that the Beyonder wiped out and that he’s been learning to do spacewarps too. And that’s how they’ll get home.

Doc Ock has some doubts so Molecule Man wraps him up in a nice, weighted blanket of asphalt and plans to turn him over to the authorities when they get back because he’s beginning to suspect that this supervillain may in fact may not be emotionally healthy.

Molecule Man realizes that Volcana isn’t around and Lizard who saw Enchantress pied piper her away leads MM to interrupt the Enchantress before she can finish draining Volcana or making fat jokes.

She makes a lot of fat jokes. Ffs Amora.

Enchantress teleport flees back to Battleworld but Lizard jumps after her and gets caught up in it.

He scratches her face so she throws him off a cliff.

And since mystically speaking, the Lizard counts as a “lower creature” Enchantress can just rip away his life-force and use it to fix her face and power an uncertain teleport to Asgard.

RIP the Lizard. Although I’m pretty sure you bounce back from this.

Meanwhile, in THE TOWER OF DOOM, Doom is napping while Klaw creeps on him creepily but Doom wakes up and yells at Klaw for letting him sleep.

Why, who knows what his subconscious would do with the Beyonder’s power in his dreams!

Klaw suggests hey maybe Doom would accidentally revive the heroes. Or maybe he already did? Hm?? In fact, Klaw has a theory and he’s going to use his sound hologram powers to put on a little demonstration for Doom.

He posits that Zsaji saw the destruction Doom wrought on Doombase (which we do know that she did do). She finds the... uh chunks that remain of the heroes and uses her healing powers to put them in stasis where cellular life still lingers. But she finds Colossus less damaged than the rest because he instinctively shifted to his armored form at the last instant. Surely his armored skin is better armor than, say, the Thing’s rock skin or Iron Man’s armor.

The story Klaw is telling works better this way so surely it is so.

Zsaji manages to bring Colossus wholly back to life, at the cost of her own.

A grief-stricken Colossus shoves Reed Richards into a healing tank (his elastic body also less damaged than the rest because sure, Reed Richards is more durable than the Hulk, we can just say anything).

So Reed is restored and he uses the technology of Doombase to invent a mass healing device and restores the rest of the heroes.

Klaw: “And they’re on their way here right now! The end... maybe!”

Doom: “Absurd! That couldn’t happen! The odds are impossible!”

Klaw: “Perhaps... but maybe you sort of... helped things along... Maybe you secretly subconsciously wanted them to survive... to rise from the ashes and live again!”

Doom: “You speak madness, Klaw!”

Klaw doubts though because Doom didn’t completely atomize the heroes and suggests turning on his god-mode and verifying that the heroes are really dead.

But now Doom is worried that having heard Klaw spell out a possible way for the heroes to be alive, his slightest doubt might make it so.

(I mean, I’m pretty sure that the light blob that’s possessing Klaw is the Beyonder who is gaslighting Doom for Reasons.)

Doom: “This is madness! I must drive these thoughts, these doubts, from my mind! They are dead! Dead! Dead! And yet... How many times in the past have I thought that Reed Richards was dead? And, if there were one man who might overcome the odds... is it not Captain America? No... no! THEY ARE DEAD!”

Klaw: “Then, again...”

Doom lets the Beyonder power well up but he can’t control it and it starts blasting Battleworld to shit and nearly destroyed all of reality. Doom can’t get his mind ordered and calm.

Klaw offers to destroy the heroes for Doom so Doom grants him “an infinitesimal micro-fraction” of his power, “enough to blacken ten thousand suns.”

GEEZ. I know that the Beyonder was established as being the strongest being in the universe, having come from a universe where all was the Beyonder. But that’s still very alarming.

The heroes rush in because after being murdered in an instant once already, subtlety is out the window.

Klaw intercepts them with a summoned army of monsters and also Ultron. Yes, Ultron is back, back again. Tell a friend. Tell them OH MY GOD RUN.

Then there’s a big two-page spread of everyone attacking everyone because that’s the kind of story this is.

Rad.

The Thing reverts back to meat man Ben Grimm but manages to will power the rocks back on and decides now he can control the changes and starts crying because this is everything he’s ever wanted.

Hulk goes punchies on Ultron but the robot does a plot injury to Hulk’s leg and for an encore makes Iron Man, Wolverine, and Spider-Woman look stupid before just falling apart.

Thanks to Wasp shrinking down, flying in one of the Hulk punch dents and just yanking wires. Yay, Wasp did a thing!

Also, she beat Ultron. She deserves to. Shame that not more can be made of it as a beat, what with everything going on.

Captain America manages to slip past all the monsters and jump kick his way past Klaw, although Klaw threw that little encounter.

Cap reaches where Doom is once again chilling, although this time with his clothes on.

Doom brags that there’s nothing that the heroes can do to harm him in any way, after all, what is a man to one who is omnipotent?

Captain America: “I wouldn’t be too sure about that! After all... you conquered the Beyonder! And why would you have gone through the trouble of killing us in the first place, unless... you were afraid!”

Doom doesn’t like having holes poked in his arguments so he kamehamehas Cap into ashes.

But Cap respawns out of sheer ‘I can do this all day’ness and charges at Doom to be blasted and respawned again.

Okay, so its Klaw who keeps respawning Cap, while letting Doom think its his own stolen power running out of control that keeps doing it.

And having Cap keep popping back into existence and trying to hit him in the face with a metal disc makes Doom lose his every last shit.

The power starts to overtake him and threaten the universe so Cap offers his hand, to serve as an anchor to reality for Doom.

Oh, hey. Just like Cap offered Doom his hand in the first issue but Doom turned it down because he hates pity.

But now, with omnipotence raging out of control, Doom reaches to accept Cap’s hand.

Thems some nice bookends.

Except the feeble remnant of the Beyonder that’s been body hopping bursts out of Klaw and reclaims his power from Doom.

Unpossessed Klaw: “Doom! Doom! Forgive me, Doom! The Beyonder, he took over my body -- ! He used my guile, my wits, my cunning to engineer this! I set you up for this! Doom -- ! I’m so sorry!”

The Beyonder reverts Doom’s armor (and face) back to how it was and then ejects him from the plot. Klaw jumping in to be with his master.

Actually, the Beyonder nopes out of the plot as well. Just kinda abandons this grand experiment into the concept of desire.

And to be fair, half the competitors fucked off. The other half refused to actually kill. And one of the competitors jumped off the board game to steal the Beyonder’s wallet.

At that point, escaping before you have to answer any questions is the right move.

With the fight over, there’s just a whole bunch of wrap-up.

Colossus has a funeral for Zsaji and buries her on the hill overlooking Doombase because fuck those villagers, she probably didn’t have any friends or loved ones who should have a say in this.

While RICHARDSS goes to work on a way home, Spider-Man swings around Doombase for a snack of alien eggplant. Then finds everyone else in the costume making machine room where Professor X has.

Uh.

Made some fashion choices.

Won’t anybody stop him?

Anyway, he intends to keep undermining Storm when they get back to Earth. What a guy.

Spider-Man also learns that none of their costumes respond to thought like his new black costume does and wonders what’s different about his.

Hulk’s leg was busted up by being Ultron’d and his gamma levels have risen so much that they’d short out the healing pods. So Reed makes Hulk a techno crutch and leg brace to help him get around until his natural healing factor takes care of things.

He’s not very pleased at the situation though and snaps at Hawkeye, leading Hawkeye to a thought that hits a lot different post Civil War II.

Hawkeye: “Whoa! Has he ever changed in the last few days! I think he’s losing it -- becoming totally savage and out of control again! Man, I hope I’m wrong! Maybe I’d better make myself a few more arrows -- some real heavy-duty ones -- just in case!”

Curt Connors wanders in and tells a story about waking up in a crater a few miles from the fortress. He says that he’s sure this time the lizard-persona is totally gone forever for reals.

Nightcrawler says its good that Connors found them before they departed so he wouldn’t get left behind, then mentions that Lockheed the dragon would return.

And boom! Lockheed the dragon returns with a lady dragon!

He’s been getting laid this whole time, the little scamp! I assume! Either way, he has contributed absolutely nothing to anything that happened.

Reed decides that Lockheed and Connors showing up isn’t just a coincidence, that the Beyonder left some trace energy behind when he quit the plot. And that the energy is causing a wish fulfillment phenomenon (which sorta makes sense if you think of it like the promise Beyonder promised to fulfill the winners’ desires?)

Mr. Fantastic: “I believe that this... ‘wish fulfillment’ phenomenon we’ve been experiencing is an after-effect of the battle against Doom! The planet itself seems to have been charged with residual energy whichs seems to respond to strong desire, or force of will!”

Cap(tain America) immediately takes off to where he’s keeping all the fragments of his broken shield that he’s been able to find and wishes REALLY hard for it to be fixed.

“It was the product of a freak metallurgical accident -- a metallic disk of unknown composition, and unique properties -- utterly impervious to any force or instrument which humans comprehend. But now it lies before him like a wounded friend... How many times has it saved his life? And now... it’s usefl life is at an end, for no fire could melt it, no furnace could reforge it. It is forever broken... unless by force of will... or sheer desire... He can accomplish the impossible!”

Hey, how about that!

I mean, you could have wished Bucky back to life but on the other hand, it’s a real sweet shield. I get it.

Although, in terms of the pre-post Secret Wars issue teasing what could happen in it (Hulk with a leg brace, She-Hulk with the FF, Spider-Man’s new costume), I really think that Steve should have returned from Battleworld with the broken shield.

Almost everything that’s gonna be brought back from Secret Wars is going to have to be abandoned or turn out to be evil.

It’s going to turn out (years later, mind) that Steve fixed his shield bad with his FORCE OF WILL and that for some reason, imperfections in the shield threaten to destroy ALL VIBRANIUM.

And that’s a decent story, probably.

Just saying, you could have Cap return with a broken shield and get that ‘how did that happen’ hype. Its a really intriguing idea. Although, I’d bet that breaking Cap’s shield was only thought up after the pre-post Secret Wars issues had already been done so it had to be introduced and rectified in Secret Wars itself.

Some other things that didn’t last long from Secret Wars: we already know the black goo costume didn’t even last through Secret Wars. The modifications Reed made to the Iron Man armor stop working when Rhodey returns to Earth, then they evolve into the evil Carnivor and fights Quasar in Quasar. Hulk ditches his leg brace two issues after his return to Earth. Connors turns himself back into the Lizard to save his family a couple years after Secret Wars. And so on.

So the time comes to return everyone back to Earth with the device Reed made. It teleports them in small groups up to the ring-shaped construct that got them to Battleworld where it will teleport them to Earth.

Reed beams up the unaffiliated group first of Spider-Man, Spider-Woman, Curt Connors, Hulk, and Magneto who decided he’s too cool to hang with the X-Men on the ride home.

Next, the X-Men. Although they have to talk Colossus into coming home instead of being sad on a hill forever by convincing him that he’d be wasting the life Zsaji gave him if he didn’t come home.

Colossus letting Xavier talk him into sticking with the X-Men over greater and greater personal losses eventually becomes a sore point.

Lockheed’s girlfriend flies into the teleport as Reed initializes it, causing a dramatic energy fluctuation that Reed hopes won’t cause any problems on Earth.

It does.

Puff the tiny dragon becomes Puff the enormous dragon, and menaced Japan in her quest to mate with Lockeed. The X-Men had to fight her and Lockheed eventually rejected the now much bigger dragon causing her to explode.

Although she came back to life at some point and she and Lockheed did get back together.

X-Men is a weird book.

The Avengers are up next but She-Hulk tells them that she’s joining the Fantastic Four. Now this happened because Byrne made grabby hands at her and Stern didn’t say no but its not really satisfactorily built-up in this story.

Ben and She-Hulk don’t share many moments to establish that they have a good friendship that he could ask her to take his place on the team. In fact, the last time I know of them teaming up, she was a huge sex pest to him. So it makes it even more baffling.

But it happened in the pre-post issue so its gotta happen.

And Ben asks Jen (maybe the similar names is why he asks her? They can get away with only changing a single letter on his locker) because he’s going to stay behind on Battleworld because he can control his powers here.

He’s not planning on being here forever and Reed can leave the gizmo so Ben can return whenever he wants.

What makes this stupid is that like almost everything involving Ben, Reed knows a lot more about what’s going on and just doesn’t say anything. He starts to but doesn’t insist when Ben tells him not to try to change his mind.

The thing about the Thing is that Ben should always have been able to Rock On or Rock Off as he pleased but there’s a psychological block preventing it.

Ben would lose this control before leaving Battleworld and he quits the FF when he learns that Reed knew that it was a psychological issue.

Mr. Fantastic: “If only I could tell him what I suspect about his transformations -- but it’s the kind of thing that might shatter a man... even a strong man like Ben! No, better to say nothing... and hope he slowly discovers the truth for himself... Or hides from it forever!”“

Geez.

You’re so bad at people.

Anyway. Yeah. Needed some more build-up. Maybe centered around the transformation. Jen could sympathize. She used to have trouble controlling her hulk outs before she just decided to be She-Hulk all the time.

Anyway, this big ridiculous thing (the last issue was 43 PAGES LONG) ends with Ben being thoughtful on a rock.

And that brings us back to Avengers #243.

I guess he’s not alone because Zsaji’s village is still here, maybe? Is nobody going to send them home??

Follow @essential-avengers​ because FINALLY I can get back to just focusing on the Avengers. Phew. Please like and reblog. This took so much effort.

[elliepassmore]

Dustborn review

3.5/5 stars Recommended for people who like: dystopia, survival, wastelands, end of the world, sci-fi TW: drug addiction, non-sexual human trafficking The setting for this book is about if you combine the Dust Bowl, dystopian sci-fi, and geo-storms. The gods have left the world and took the greenery and water with them, resulting in worldwide desertification. I liked the imagery of the small villages the packs lived in and trying to figure out what 'Old World' stuff was what (plas and Zuly's ark being some of the only obvious ones). Bowman executed well on the promise of a desert wasteland where everyone is struggling to survive and many don't. I especially think the setting throughout most of the book is juxtaposed well with the scenes involving Powder Town, the Barrel, and Bedrock. The concept of the Verdant as the only green space/safe haven is a bit overdone in my opinion. Every dystopic wasteland just has to have an untouched safe haven, right? No, but seriously, I think I would like it more if there was a haven, but not necessarily any promises of it being safe or less hard, just hard in a different way. At least Bowman put some interesting twists into the Verdant and I didn't actually mind how the concept ended up playing out throughout the novel. Character-wise, I think Delta is really the only character I liked throughout the entire novel. She's loyal to a fault (quite literally) and protective over her people, but that also means she makes rash decisions that aren't always smart if it means even a chance of taking care of them. She's already fairly hard in the beginning of the book and gets harder as it goes on, though she does end up softening up a bit toward the end. She doesn't always do stuff I agree with, but she's interesting to read. Asher was never really a character that I grew to like, let alone love. He's set up as Delta's childhood best friend and a love interest, but I don't think we really get enough of him for that to be something we as readers root for. He's a massive dick in the beginning, though I do get he's in a bad spot, still, and then he continuously lies, he tricks Delta more than once, etc., and I just feel that there's not enough good in between for me to start liking him. I don't dislike him by the end, but I also don't really care what happens to him. Reed is the same way, though he's set up to be distinctly villainous. Bowman wants us to care about him by the end of the book, and Delta clearly does (not in a love triangle way), but again I don't. By the time we get to Reed's good side, he's already done too much to fully come back. If the book were longer, I think maybe he could, but at the length it is now we're just not given enough time for that redemption arc. *SPOILER, SKIP TO NEXT PARAGRAPH* Though I 100% would not have blamed him for going ape shit after what Delta does to Rune and I get good intentions, but I have no idea why he stuck around after that *SPOILER END* Kara the Prime is the same way, though she starts off in the 'distinctly good' (or at least 'distinctly Not Bad') category. By the of the book Delta, admires her and looks up to her, but other than being a good strategist, I don't really know why. We barely know this woman and while she has great potential as a character, I'm again running into the issue where there just wasn't enough of her in the book for me to care about her character. Aside from the characters, I will say that for once I did not guess the twist(s). At the same time, though, I....do not know how I feel about the major twist in the book. Not to be egotistical, but I think my version was better, even if it wasn't really a true 'twist.' What Bowman actually had revealed as the foundation-shaking secret kind of took me out of the book and broke that suspension of belief. Up until then I had been ready to believe what Delta and everyone else was saying about things, I was even ready to believe a different explanation, but something about the actual explanation felt kind of cheap to me. I'll talk more about it below the cut if anyone wants to read more, but I will mention what the twist is, so... The concept for the story was good and I liked Delta and a majority of the journey she goes on. However, I didn't really feel like we got to see any other character's full arc, both Asher and Reed felt underdeveloped for where they both ended up at the end of the book. Likewise, Kara the Prime didn't feel developed enough (nor anyone else in the Trinity) for Delta to regard them the way she does at the end. Combined with the twist...while I liked portions of this book and couldn't put it down, I did have issues with it.

So, as mentioned, I was 100% ready to believe the gods had walked among people of the Old World and when they left, they did so with a vengeance. Fine. It's an apocalyptic/dystopian sci-fi, so I came into it ready to believe whatever Bowman set up in worldbuilding. Then, as the book went on, I was also ready to accept the idea that the gods weren't real and some other kind of widespread disaster had befallen the planet, be it global warming or nuclear war or whatever. In both scenarios it seemed plausible that there was some kind of fantastical element to the 'gods touched.' So, either way, I was either ready to believe in the gods or, as the 'foundation shaking' secret, that there weren't gods and the wasteland was manmade.

...which it was. Sort of. The actual explanation for things is that Dustborn takes place on a different planet that an Earth federation/corporation colonized. The planet was strip-mined, then the prisoners with computer chips controlling them had the chips malfunction, rebelled, and the Federation not only fled, but dropped bombs in the process, and a really active solar cycle came early and basically nailed the whole thing shut. The survivors got amnesia and were left to be led by the one person who didn't have a chip, who made up literally everything to give them 'hope.' Hope? Bro, the planet is dead. It doesn't support life on a largescale. The whole thing just felt kind of purposeless at that point. Like??? There are no gods and this is just another story about Earth colonizing a planet and leaving people behind on it to create their own civilization? That is...not really in-line with the book up until that point. It also felt like a genre shift since it kind of went from being apocalyptic sci-fi to speculative fiction. Plus, the reveal doesn't even seem to matter? Like, yeah they now know more about the planet, but that could've been done without the Earth-colonizing aspect. There don't really seem to be any repercussions of this, other than that the gods don't exist, which again could've been done differently, and even that doesn't particularly seem to matter to anyone outside of the main characters. That is perhaps my main issue with the 'reveal': 1) it doesn't align with anything else in the story up to that point, and 2) it has no real repercussions.

[dumbkiri]

My Universe

Part Two

Why do we fall?

Parts: [ 1, 2 ]

Summary: Jason returns home after two years and suddenly wants [Name] out of Wayne Manor for reasons he only knows. He finds out that [Name] is the key to a destructive future and needs to find out more about the legend he heard from Inklopiat, Aurora’s home world. If he fails to do so, [Name] may have to cease to exist. 

Pairing: Damian Wayne x HoH!Female!Reader

Word Count: 2.8k sorry not that long

Genre: Slight Angst? Fluff? 

WARNINGS: None...I think? I’m not sure

     Again, Damian’s heart had skipped a beat. He felt it stop for a second then start up again. Why did his chest hurt when he saw the fresh tears fall down her rosy cheeks? Was it because he knew that the fighting had upset her and he still continued to banter with her father? He shouldn’t make her feel like this. He never wanted to be the reason she was crying. 

     “Please, tell me that you guys also witnessed what I witnessed,” Dick pleaded looking at [Name] with wide eyes. His expression made it seem like he saw something phenomenal. And if he was being completely honest, it was extraordinary.  

     On the other hand, Damian never removed his green eyes from bright [e.color] ones. She was only staring at him and he was only staring at her. He knew she wanted to speak to him, he felt it inside. Her lips parted then closed shortly after. Her tears had dried up and there was a slim red ring around the outside of her irises. 

     Her [h.color] hair was long, really long and rested above her waist. Her skin glowed a radiant [s.color] making her eyes pop out even more. She looked at him with pleading eyes. Her lips no longer quivering because she knew he got the message she was trying to convey. “I’ll stop,” Damian said softly. He gave one last look at Jason and lowered his fist. 

     It was like a switch in him flipped. He was no longer angry. He wasn’t upset at Jason for suddenly barging in without notice. All he felt was a sense of calmness and it was because of [Name]. “I’ll stop fighting, for you,” He whispered the last part and gently placed his hand on top of her head. Damian knew she couldn’t her the sincerity in his voice or his genuine words, but he still spoke. He felt that she understood him.

     “What is going on here?” Alfred walked into the kitchen with haste and his feet came to a complete stop. His worn out blue eyes widening for a fraction. “Master Todd, you’re finally back,” Alfred said it with a tone of surprise. 

     Jason nodded his head, “Hey, Alfred.” 

     “Is that all you have to say?” Alfred said with quickness and an offended look on his face. He hasn’t seen this rogue boy in two years and he greets as if two years haven’t passed. “You left your daughter here at Wayne Manor for two years and you greet me like I haven’t done you a favor. As if your family hasn’t done a favor for you.”

     Damian and Dick stayed silent. Alfred has never been so forward and harsh before. Forward and sarcastic, yes. But this was a different phase. A mood that didn’t show often during this time. It was probably because Alfred was so caught up with taking care of [Name] that most of the time this old man was filled with joy. 

     It dawned on Jason on how much pressure he put on his family. He left for two years without a word to any of them. Then his eyes loomed over to Dick. He did keep in touch with Dick and he wondered why it was only him. "I'm sorry that I left her behind. With Aurora gone, I felt lost. How could I, me," Jason pointed at himself with disgust, "raise a baby all on my own?" 

     "You are never alone, Master Todd," Alfred's glare turned into a caring look. Then he brought his gaze to Damian and- "Oh my, don't tell me that this young girl is [Name]." Alfred gestured to the ‘young girl’ hiding behind Damian’s back.

     Stepping up, Dick nervously chuckled and walked over to the little girl. He placed his hands on her shoulders startling her. He gave her a warm smile and then looked up from her [e.color] eyes. “This is definitely the [Name] that was two years old five minutes ago,” Dick confirmed Alfred’s suspicions. 

     “I swear, there is always something that happens with you boys together,” Alfred shook his head with a deflated sigh. 

……

     “Her vitals are normal for a five year old kid,” Tim concluded pouring more coffee into his red mug. Then his fingers skimmed the keyboard typing along it. His eyes focused on the screen and analyzing the readings presented to him. “But her blood is quite special. From what Bruce has in his database, her blood is much like Superman’s.” 

     “So she’s an alien?” Dick asked. 

     Jason scoffed and placed his rough hands on his hips, “Half alien, Dick.” He pressed his lips in a thin line. His eyes scanned the room and he decided to come clean. “Aurora is from a planet called Inklopiat. It’s not too far from Earth, but it takes about six months to travel there. Any questions so far?”

     The room was silent before Dick broke the ice. “You left telling me that you were visiting Aurora’s parents. Not to a different planet.”

     “Wait,” Tim cut in, “he told you where he was going and you didn’t bother to tell us?” 

     “Hey, it was a tough time for him and if I knew he was traveling to outer space, I would have totally informed you guys,” Dick defended himself. “Kory knows more about space than I do, I could have at least let her travel with you.” Dick looked over at Jason. 

     “I asked her earlier, but Inklopiatians and Tamaraneans aren’t friendlies. I learned that the hard way, you were there Dick. When Aurora and Kory first met.” Jason’s words jogged Dick’s memory.

     Dick chuckled, “Oh, I forgot about that incident.” 

     Damian stepped in, “Back to the priorities, we need to find out why [Name] aged three years within seconds.” His green eyes stayed on Jason. He had to learn from the Inklopiatians for a year. Which means Jason got some information. “Did the Inklopiatians tell you anything about what could happen to [Name]?”

     Jason nodded his head, “They strongly believe in soulmates. There’s a legend about a man named Asht’n who was a fierce warrior. He only knew how to kill, it made everyone across the galaxy fear him. He went on rampages and murdered anyone who got in his way. The story is so old no one knew why he killed. Then one day it all stopped because he met a fair maiden. Her name was unknown and so were her orgins. All they know is that Asht’n fell in love with her and finally put his sword down just for her. Asht’n tried to make contact with the fair maiden, but she always ignored him. Little did he know was that she was deaf.”

     Jason paused and watched [Name] play with her stuffed lion with Alfred. 

     “When he found that out, Asht’n used his actions to show her how much he loved her. Of course, the fair maiden was also infatuated with the mysterious man. She accepted his gifts of love and when he confessed to her, the fair maiden cried. She cried because she could finally hear his voice for the first time. They lived happily together and raised a family. Some hundred years passed and Inklopiat was born. Keep in mind, all the children are born deaf until their soulmate realizes their love for them.”

     “I was waiting for some other guy to pop in and take the maiden away from Asht’n. So the question is, their story ends happily?” Tim questioned as he was quite taken by the legend of Inklopiat. 

     “Yes, their story ends happily, Timbo. Fun fact, for you, Inklopiatians also enhance their age to match their soulmates. [Name] obviously knows who her soulmate is and is trying her best to catch up with them.” Jason carefully glanced over at Damian. 

……

     ‘My granddaughter is very special, Jason,” Queen Nadia’n smiled as she placed green flowers on the kitchen table. She sprayed them with water and placed the sprayer on the table. A maid came by and picked it up then scurried away.  “Aurora’n and I always knew that [Name] would be special.”

     Jason shook his head and took a sip of the drink that a maid offered him, “Why do you say that?” He set down on a ledge looking out to the stars Inklopiat had to offer. The twinkling reminding him of his girlfriend. His heart still ached for her touch and her voice. 

     Queen Nadia’n walked out to the porch and stood next to her daughter’s soulmate, “Because the Elders said so. They told us that when you and Jayd’n were out catching the Saloms out by the river.” 

     Jason chuckled, “I hated those Saloms, they were sneaky bastards.” 

     “Language, Jays’n,” Queen Nadia’n gently scolded then she took the cup from his hand. Her eyes changed colors repeating a pattern from brown to blue to green to hazel. “The Elders blessed you and Aurora’n with a special child. A child that could end wars and stop the biggest foes even the Justice League has faced.” She put the cup down on the ledge. 

     “You’re telling me that [Name] has the power to take down anyone she wants? Even Superman?” Jason wasn’t believing a word she said. “I don’t get it, [Name] is only half Inklopiatian and the other half is human. I have no power to my name.”

     Queen Nadia’n shook her head, “Jays’n, let me show you something the Elders want you to see. A vision that shows [Name]’s true powers.”

……

     Jason never felt so scared in his life before. Laying at his feet was Batman covered in wounds and blood. Next to him was Barbara and Timothy all in the same disturbing fashion Batman was in. Their costumes had various holes in them and Batman’s mask was torn off. He knelt down and took Bruce’s face into his hands. “Bruce, wake up,’ Jason pleaded and looked around his surroundings. Everything was destroyed. Gotham was no longer standing. 

     “Father, is that you?” Jason heard a trembling voice coming from behind him. Slowly, Jason placed Bruce’s head down and he stood up. He turned his body to the voice and saw [Name] all grown up. Her hair was down and blowing along with the wind. Her face covered in dirt, but her eyes remained unchanged. They had not stopped sparkling. 

     “[Name], what happened here?” Jason asked cautiously stepping over the bodies that littered at his feet. He noticed Wonder Woman with her lasso held weakly with bloody and broken fingers. He saw Superman groaning with rubble above his chest, his breathing shallow. Aquaman was surrounded by a ring of fire and he was also passed out. “Please, tell me you didn’t do this.” Jason whispered. 

     [Name] took a shaky breath in, “I had no choice, they were going to kill me.” She clenched her fists tightly and a tear streamed down her face. She was holding back. “Father, they thought I killed him.” She pointed down the hill and Jason stopped walking. Surrounded by a multitude of flowers was the one and only, Damian Wayne. 

     The young Wayne had blood leaking from his mouth and a lone stream went down his chin. His back resting against the mountain of rubble. His eyes closed shut with dark bags underneath. His hands clutching onto a dagger and the other held a rose. “They thought I killed my soulmate, but I was only trying to protect him.”

     Jason ran over to Damian, not believing what he saw. Damian was strong, stronger than anyone. Jason put two fingers against Damian’s neck and found no pulse. Damian was indeed dead. He looked behind him and at the fallen Justice League. They were all either dead or on the verge of dying. “[Name],” Jason called out to his daughter from below the hill, “who were you protecting him from?” 

     [Name] sniffled and wiped her eyes with the sleeve of her shirt. Her entire body was trembling and Jason didn’t know if it was from fear or...the adrenaline pumping throughout her body. Her clothes, the only damage done to it was that there was blood and dirt on it. She seemed to be unharmed, but he knew that her heart was breaking inside. It was like he was watching himself when he saw Aurora flatline. 

     “Hey, Princess,” Jason called out to her gently. He carefully climbed up the mountain of rubble being wary not to disturb Damian’s resting place. His hands gripped the top of the hill and he pushed himself upward. Jason would have lost his footing if [Name] didn’t grip his forearm to keep his balance. She looked at him with red eyes due to her crying. “I know you meant no harm to them. Although I need you to tell me who killed Damian, it’s important.” Jason clarified with importance. 

     At the mention of his name, [Name] cried more. “We were investigating the League. Damian believed that his grandfather came back to life and I told him that it wasn’t wise to go without Bruce. He didn’t listen to me.” 

     “The League? You mean to say Ra’s al Ghul is alive?” Jason asked dumbstruck by her words. 

     “They sent us a calling card,” [Name] pointed down the hill where Damian rested. She didn’t dare lay her eyes upon him though. She was ashamed that with her limitless power, she couldn’t save her soulmate. “The dagger that he holds, it’s from Talia. Damian said so because of the carving.” 

     Jason’s vision was starting to get blurry. [Name] noticed this and she brought her father in for a tight hug. “You have to promise me something, Father.”

     Jason wrapped his arms around his daughter, “What is it, Princess?”

     She pulled away just enough to look into his gunmetal eyes. He wiped her tears away and held her chin up high. She smiled at him, “Promise me that whatever happens, you keep Damian away from me. This is what the future holds if we are together, Father.”

     “But you two are meant for each other. Soulmates are-”

     “There’s more to the legend of Asht’n and the Maiden. In that story lies the truth. Father, if you don’t find the truth before Damian confesses to me on my 17th birthday then you have to keep him away from me. If not, the Justice League will come after me and so will Ra’s al Ghul.” [Name] explained more to him. She would have told him more, but her grandmother was pulling him out of the vision. “Promise me?” 

     “H-how do I keep you two apart? You guys are practically inseparable, Damian won’t let go of you.” Jason gripped her shoulders. He felt like vomiting right now. Something was pulling at his chest. 

     [Name] outstretched her hand and the dagger from Damian’s hand levitated to her empty one. Her fingers wrapped around the hilt of the dagger and her eyes glared at the weapon. “I’m not sure,” She brought her bright [e.color] eyes to him, “but when the time comes I’m sure you’ll know what to do. You’re a smart guy.” Adult [Name] finished with a smile. 

……

     Finally, Jason woke up from his episode and took a deep breath as he was trying to make sense of his surroundings. Apparently, he was on the floor of the bat cave because standing above him was his brothers. Damian had his arms crossed over his chest and most likely said something along a smart remark prior to him waking up. Meanwhile Tim and Dick were genuinely confused as to why Jason had suddenly passed out. 

     Before he could tell them what happened, [Name] had came into his view with her beautiful eyes. He sat up and blinked once at her appearance. Promise me. Future [Name]’s voice echoed in his head and Jason subconsciously nodded his head which in turn made little [Name] smile. She jumped into his lap and wrapped her tiny arms around his neck. Jason was astounded that she hugged him first. Did she know who he was? 

     That doesn’t matter right now, Jason mentally scolded himself. He had to make a promise to her and he was going to find out the truth about the legend in Inklopiat or else he would have to deal with [Name] himself. Jason hugged his little girl back with the same amount of love she gave him and pressed a kiss at the top of her head, “I promise, Princess. I’ll find out the truth.” 

......

Tags: @zalladane​ @buchanangaby​ @poisoned-pineapple​ @i-dont-even-know-fck​ @diabeticsugarush​

[minhothebunny]

Cupid’s Tears | NCT Dream #1

Genre: Cupid au, angst, heartbreak (sad ending)

K-pop Group: NCT Dream

Safeword: Cloud☁️

Requested by: none _______________________________ TRIGGER WARNING: CUSSING, NUDITY, MENTIONS OF DEATH, VULGAR LANGUAGE, DIRTY THOUGHTS.

THIRD POV.

Y/N sighed for the nth time, cheek resting on her palm as she stared at the couples across the street.

"Dude shut the fuck up."

Y/N blinked, "Well, excuse me- sorry for breathing," she sarcastically said, hand on her chest.

"Apology accepted. Now, stop sighing every time you see a happy couple and let them live their life. You live your own."

"But, Donghyuckkkk. It's not fair that they get to be happy, and I don't," she whined, pouting.

Donghyuck rolled his eyes and flicked Y/N on the forehead. "Of course, your whiny ass is still single at 19; you won't shut up."

"I'll have you know that is not the reason I'm still single."

"Oh, yeah? Then why are you still single?"

"..."

"..."

"..."

"Because my whiny ass won't shut up."

Donghyuck smiled, "At least you still have a brain. God forbid you to be both whiny and dumb."

"Hey! Take that back!"

Donghyuck stuck his tongue out, running out of the ice cream shop.

"Come back here, you little shit!

Time skip. THIRD POV.

Y/N was currently wrapped in a burrito blanket, watching a particularly romantic show.

All of a sudden, she burst into tears, "Why can't I have a relationship like that? I want somebody to love me that way. And to brush my hair. And to pick my outfit of the day. And-and," another wave of tears took over her as she shook.

In the sky.

Jaemin was intently watching the girl. Each cupid was assigned a person to matchmake. They started at the age of 21, so this was Jaemin's first "client".

"Why does my heart ache for her? I hate seeing her so broken."

An idea popped into his head, and he went looking for Donghyuck's cupid.

"Hey, Johnny."

"'Sup, dude. How's your first client going?"

"That's what I'm here to talk about. Your client is Donghyuck, right?"

"Mhm, why?"

"How about we shoot them? They do say dating your best friend is better than dating a stranger."

"I can't do that."

"What?"

"I'm sorry, man, but I can't do that."

"Why not?"

"He doesn't like her, and he's as stubborn as a rock. Even if I shoot him, he won't accept falling in love with his best friend. Besides, he's already got his eyes on someone else, and I think they'd be pretty cute together."

Jaemin slumped. He bid goodbye to Johnny and went back to watching Y/N.

Another idea popped into his head. "This probably isn't that smart, but I'm out of ideas."

He planned to shoot his arrow on Y/N and see where it goes from there. He only has one shot, though, for each person only has one arrow. If that arrow doesn't reach them, they'll lose their ability to fall in love forever.

Jaemin took a breath, aiming his bow.

"3..."

"2.."

"...1..."

He shot the arrow.

He shot the arrow and missed.

He missed.

Y/N stood up last minute before the arrow could hit her. The arrow ended up disintegrating after missing its target.

Jaemin dropped his bow.

"I just killed the arrow... and I missed..." (A/N: in this oneshot, cupid's arrows are living and, once hitting their target, become those butterflies in your stomach that you feel. If the arrow misses its target, it disintegrates and dies. There's only one arrow per person on Earth. Missing your target results in a punishment decided by the queen.)

Jaemin was teleported to the throne hall where the queen stays.

"Na Jaemin," her loud voice echoed along the walls of the vast castle.

"Y-your majesty," Jaemin kneeled.

"You have failed."

"Yes, your majesty, I am aware."

"Mistakes are not tolerated. You have missed the target."

Jaemin gulped, "Yes, your majesty. I apologize."

"Don't apologize to me: apologize to the poor girl whom you ruined the life of."

"H-how...?"

The queen hummed, shifting in her throne, "Because your arrow missed, she now has lost her ability to love. Your punishment will be to go down to Earth and figure out a way to make Y/N feel once again."

Jaemin's eyes widened, "Your majesty, that's impossible!"

"Figure it out. You've got five months. After that, depending on if you succeed or not, you will be killed or sent back up here and work in labor."

"What about being a cupid?"

"You have lost that role and are no longer a cupid. You will go down to Earth as a human and will come back as a mere citizen of this city if your punishment is successful."

Jaemin felt a lump in his throat, "Understood, your majesty."

"You have disappointed me, Jaemin."

"I have disappointed myself, too. When will my punishment take place?"

"Right now," the queen stood up, walking towards Jaemin, who was still kneeling on the floor. Bending down to his ear level, she whispered, "Before you go, do not tell anyone of your punishment. If you do, death awaits you."

Jaemin's heart quickened, "Understood, your majesty."

Rising from the floor, the queen sat back on her throne.

"Goodbye, Na Jaemin."

Everything went black

Y/N'S POV.

I was done watching my show and was getting ready for bed when a man appeared in front of me.

I jumped, "Ah! Who are you? How'd you get in my house? And why are you naked?!"

The man's eyes widened, and he looked down, immediately covering his dick.

"Woah... it's big."

My face heated up as I slapped myself, "wake up, Y/N. You can't say stuff like that."

"U-um, excuse me."

"Oh, right! The naked but hot man. Wait, what- no no no!"

"How'd you get in here? Why are you here?"

"Um, my name's Na Jaemin."

"Jaemin's a pretty name."

"I didn't ask for your name; I asked you why and how you got here."

He blinked, "Oh, um, I, uh, can I get some clothes, first?"

My eyes widened, "Right! He's still naked..."

I went into the guest room where some of Donghyuck's clothes are. "He wouldn't mind a stranger wearing his clothes, right?... He'll definitely mind, but I'll deal with that later."

"Here," I threw the clothes at him, Jaemin uncovering his dick to catch the clothes. I turned around to give him some privacy and waited while he changed.

"I'm, um, done."

I turned around. "Okay, now, why are you here?"

"I... don't know. But please don't kick me out! I have nowhere to go!"

I was taken aback by the sudden outburst. Nonetheless, I'm not a heartless bitch, so I agreed to let him stay even though the whole situation was very suspicious.

Time skip: 3 months. THIRD POV.

Y/N and Jaemin have gotten close over these three months. Y/N has been feeling weird whenever she thought about Jaemin. She just couldn't put her finger on what she was feeling. She talked to Donghyuck about it, and he explained that she was possibly falling for Jaemin. She didn't know what that meant but didn't want to ask, wary of the judgemental look Donghyuck gave her.

She, instead, resorted to the internet as any 19 year old would. The results were a bit hard to understand, but she eventually grasped the main themes. She realized that Jaemin has been teaching her about love this entire time. Butterflies in your stomach, blushing, feeling nervous around the individual. He explained it all, but she didn't understand until after she figured out her feelings.

Using her newfound knowledge, she began getting even closer to Jaemin, occasionally flirting when she was confident.

Time skip: the day of Jaemin's deadline (Valentine's Day). THIRD POV.

"Y/N, do you feel anything new?"

Taken aback by the sudden question, Y/N blinked, "What? What do you mean?"

"Love. Do you know what love is? Do you feel it?"

Her eyes widened comically, "Um, yes, I know what it is."

"Do you feel it?"

To say Y/N was embarrassed would be an understatement. Nonetheless, she meekly answered, "Yes, I feel love for someone."

Jaemin was shocked, "Confess! You have to confess! Please, you have to confess right now! Call him!"

Y/N looked at him confused, failing to sense to urgency in Jaemin's voice.

"Why?"

"Just do it!"

Y/N closed her eyes, taking a deep breath, "Jaemin, I love you."

"..."

"..."

"..."

Y/N slowly opened her eyes, looking into Jaemin's tear-filled eyes.

"...What?"

"I said I love you."

"You-you can't love me."

Y/N's eyes widened, "Why not?"

"You-you can't love me. We can't be together. If only you loved somebody else..." Jaemin's voice cracked, tears pouring out his bloodshot eyes.

"Why can't I love you?"

"I... I can't tell you. But, I have to go; I completed my punishment. Thank you for falling in love."

Before Y/N could protest and yell, Jaemin disappeared into thin air.

Y/N started shaking, tears welling up in her eyes.

"No... he wouldn't leave me. He wouldn't use me."

She looked through the whole house, not finding a trace of him. His clothes, his uneaten breakfast, his scent. All gone, as if he never existed.

Y/N dropped to the floor and screamed. Tear after tear falling onto her cheeks, Y/N pulled at her hair, screaming. She screamed so loud her throat went dry.

She screamed so loud the man standing by the front door swore he'd never forget the sound, forever etched in his brain. He dropped the rose he got for his best friend, frozen in place after watching the entire altercation.

One cupid failed, and two hearts broke. ________________________________ I don't know where I was going with this. I had major writer's block for this oneshot; I had no idea what the plot should be. This was kind of rushed, but also kind of not at the same time so please give me your feedback!

I will publish the happy version shortly. Please don't forget to like and comment!

The happy version will not continue from where this oneshot left off but will be a oneshot with the same plot with an alternative ending.

Thank you for reading! -Nina<3

[theshabozengine]

Rank the mainline persona and SMT protags by skill in bed.

Alright finally I can make my opinions about SMT sex known

So right at the bottom of the fucking list is Yu from Persona 4

any fucking dipshit that dresses like this is is 100% bound to expect you to do all the work in bed while he lays there like a dead rotting fish. The only fucking fingerbang this man is aware of is the fucking South Park one because he thinks its edgy and cool to watch South Park. He also friendzones you immediately after he pump-and-dumps, riding off into the fucking sunset expecting you to be happy about this outcome.

Never EVER get you a man like this.

Next up is Boy With Earring from Persona 1

This man just does not fuck, plain and simple. He looks at you, see how you’re dressed and scoffs at the idea of getting dirty with you. This man has no human drives whatsoever. This creature is barely sapient, yet still a better more considerate lover than Yu. Has a weird thing for ice play though.

Third worst is Flynn from SMT4

Now its not his fault, unfortunately. See he’s friends with two other dumbasses and theyre constantly interrupting whenever he tries to get things started. Sometimes youll even be gently kissing Flynn, looking deep into his eyes when suddenly his gaze goes behind you, eyes filling with worry and you dont have time to brace yourself as you hear the shout: “ILL END IT THUS” and then your asshole is on fire because his dickhead friend didnt use any lube and its just an overall bad experience cuz then you have to keep trying to start the night with Flynn over but Walter keeps fucking showing up so you have to keep pray for the love of God that Isabeau escorts this dumbass out but then because you thought of God suddenly Jonathan’s there now and he’s just a mood killer and the night’s ruined and its just...

Its really not Flynn’s fault, but he will never be able to satisfy his partner.

Next up is the Tamaki duo from If

They really wanna try their best in bed but just look at these two, they have no idea what theyre doing. They can be redeemed if you feel you can teach them the ropes, but thatll be a whole long drawn out process and itll take them a very long time to understand the concept of an orgasm.

Kei Azume from NINE is next on the chopping block

This dumbass is just high, constantly, and the sheer reek of weed nugs permeating through his sheer existence deletes any and all desire a person could ever feel around them. Look at this Shaggy-looking mother fucker. This dumbass lives in a van and fucks his dog. However, unlike Yu, the dog at least gets an orgasm from Kei.

Unfortunately next on the list is Joker from Persona 5

He really really wants to fuck good, and boy he sure does try, however he always talks about how adults suck which brings up too many questions while his dick is inside you, an adult, and he always tries to finish you off with some sort of unexpected sex move which is always 100% predictable and obvious as he telegraphed it the entire time. Not only that, but this whole time hes been acting weird and you try to enjoy what he really has been doing well his fucking cat just walks up and sits with his asshole directly next to your fucking face, and Joker refuses so shoo the cat and now you just keep glancing to the cat asshole every once and a while by accident whereupon you become very conscious of its existence every so often, and having that sight paired with getting pleasured the whole time leaves weird echo effects in your mind like Pavlov’s Cat Taint ringing through your brain.

Then it turns out his cat was fully aware of how awful it was being the whole time and doesnt apologize and in fact expects you to apologize for waking it up with all your stupid moaning. Bad experience overall, evne if Joker himself is very good at sex.

Next is Tatsuya from Persona 2.

He’s really eager to try and help you out, but ultimately his fingers just cant reach the way you want them to, his tongue’s just a bit too slow, and he cant thrust his hips well enough to hit the spots you want. Always out-shined by the people from beyond this point, but a nice enough guy that you wouldnt mind at least trying with him a few times.

Next is Nanashi from Apocalypse.

This absolute fucking retard has no idea what’s going on at any time during his entire life, however his big brother Dagda who’s always creepily standing behind him even when youre trying to fuck can at least guide him through it. With his guidance he can fuck like a champ, however you have to deal with Dagda watching intently the whole time and just muttering “ You've got a lot of work ahead of you, kid... And you're going to learn firsthand just how pathetic gods, demons, and humans are. Remember one thing, my Godslayer: You have no choice but to obey me.“ every five fucking minutes. Good sex but HORRIBLE experience overall.

Bit controversial this next one, but Demi-Fiend from SMT3 is next on the list.

Now his kicks are fucking great, he always listens to what you have to say, and hes a great partner overall however...hes way too rough in bed. Like there’s being rough and then theres getting donkey punched and a neck sprain and massive internal bruising. Itll be really good for a while, but unless you can stop it real quick hes gonna get really rough. This man has no control once he gets going. He will continue to escalate the situation and unless you can yell your safeword louder than an undead monk screaming he aint gonna hear. Dangerous, but youll definitely cum.

Next is Protag from SMT1

Bold choice, I know, but he will always try and pay attention to your tender areas and watch your face carefully for any reaction however slight, and then log it all in his stupid fuckin Google smart watch. Itll be a good fuck, really, but youll also have to deal with him taking a break every once and a while to fucking log it all. Does have a very big dog too, if you’re into that kinda thing I suppose.

Aleph from SMT2 just squeaks ahead of Protag

This man is just the exact same person with the exact same flaws and everything, except minus a dog. However, he knows hes packing some fucking meat in his factory. Every single other character on this list has absolutely no fucking crotch protection except Aleph. Aleph here knows hes got a fucking pool noodle packed away and hes gotta fuckin protect it. He will create a water park in anyone’s pants once he drops trow and shows off. Astolfo’s Monster cock? Nothing compared to this man.

As with Aleph, Maya also fucks like a champ.

She knows what she wants out of her sexual experience with you and what she wants is 15 simultaneous shared orgasms, and by god shes gonna fucking get it. She will run at you like a fucking Terminator and clothesline you so you hit the bed stunned as she takes absolute control of the situation. You will not be able to move a muscle once shes done, and it will be as though your Mara ran entirely out of MP. Only real flaw is once she’s done, she gives you a temporary tattoo of hearts around your nipples like her dumb fuckin shirt to mark her territory. If youre into it, then she’ll make it permanent.

Next up is SMT5 protag holding the copper trophy. Game isnt ever going to come out but you just know how nasty this slut is.

Look at this idiot, this absolute fucking baboon. This fucking man who fought Sweeney Todd to death and won barehanded gives no fucks. Look at his awful fucking outfit and his garbage fucking haircut, then realize that even with all this he is confident. He’s a chad even with all this stuff that everyone else would tear to shreds. Why? Hes one of the best in bed. He’s fucked everyone who tried to step to him out of house and home. Once this monster’s engines rev up he will force you to see heaven. “Oh, hon, I just want one orgasm tonight” you might try to say before he can make you see white but then he just fuckin looks at you and smirks. That one orgasm you have is so fucking powerful you become dehydrated for a month.

With the silver comes Makoto Yuki from P3

Similar to SMT5 above, this man should be bullied into oblivion but hes not. Why? Sex god. This man is so fucking powerful at sex he literally gets a clay golem and a robot to fawn over him for the rest of their eternal lives. This man fucked so hard his friends all got mindbroken once he moved on and they foguht each other to the death for the right to his dick. This man fucks so well that he defeated fucking death with the power of how much everyone loved his dick. When this man died from fucking too much you know what he did? He went on to fuck concepts and evil gods instead. This man literally ascended to a higher power through the sheer power of dickening. Also when he fucks you his music choice is the best for breeding.

And with the gold: Doomguy from Strange Journey

This absolute perfect specimen has literally everything a person could ever ask for: His cock fits snug, virile, fit, handsome, and best of all hes independent. He doesnt need to rely on an tricks or anything to get your orgasms flowing, hes just the pinnacle of sex. This man marches into your father’s house, and just through sheer presence without a single word said makes your father beg him to take your hand in marriage. Marriage whereupon he will be the perfect husband and always treat you with respect, and even if you mess up he will forgive you and help you through any difficult periods in your life.

Literally everything and anything you could want in a man: If you like it rough, he can do it. You want it gentle he can play ball. Whatever hole you want him to stick it into hes got the perfect way to arch his hips to fit what you wanna feel at any point in time. Ooh baby, absolutely get you a perfect man like him. The planet Earth itself tried to woo him, but he said no since he knew the person reading this post was out there, and he wanted to make sure he was there to love you.

[kassies-take]

Kane Vs Luthor

SuperBat^2 (Kara/Kate) all earths have merged so Batwomans Gotham and Supergirls National City exist on the same earth (Star City also exists next to NC as does Central City so Kate gets a Costume from Cisco and Kara gets a device from him so she can become more human when she needs to) Kate and Lena end up in a battle of wits while trying to take over CatCo. Humour/Serious/Romance/NSFW

A/n: I don’t know how this gonna go down but thank you for giving me the opportunity to try something new. I also don’t know what you mean by take over Catco? Did you want the two CEOs to try to buy Catco for Kara? Ooh ideas just popped into my head!

Warnings:

SuperBat^2, Supercorp, (Insert ship name for Lena and Kate)

Word Count: 1966

Kara had hope. She is the Paragon of Hope after all. After Crisis she desperately wanted to have a certain Luthor by her side again. Back when flowers filled her office, back when brunch was a weekly thing, back when she could’ve shared her secret, back when they were best friends. But the Luthor, the Luthor wanted nothing to do with the Super after her betrayal and hurt.

Kate, Paragon of Courage. Batwoman had the courage to come out as a lesbian to all of Gotham, and confront her past. All with a bit of help from the Girl of Steel, now it was her turn to repay the favor.

A knock interrupted Kara’s staring contest with the refrigerator. She lowered her glasses and looked towards the door. A benefit to having x-ray vision, no peep hole needed.

“Kate?” Kara walked towards the door. “What are you doing here?” She moved out of the way to let the brunette in.

“We spent the beginning of crisis looking for the Paragon of Courage together, and the later half stuck in the Vanishing Point together. You have the same face of lost hope, when you video called for Batwoman’s coming out, like the one then. Thought I come by and check on you.”

“W-What about Gotham?”

“The Crows have Alice, Gotham can last a few days without the bat. It lasted three years before. And if the city really needs Batwoman, the World’s Finest would be there.” Kate opened Kara’s fridge for a beer and walked towards the blonde on the couch. “So.”

“What?” Kara grabbed the remaining potstickers from her coffee table and began to stuff her mouth trying to avoid the elephant in the room.

“What has made the Girl of Steel lose a bit of hope?” Kate asked while pointing the bottle top at Kara before she grabbed the bottleneck to open the beer with her bat-a-rang.

“Lex is running the D.E.O now and the whole world thinks he’s this... hero.”

“Lex Luthor a major dick huh,” Kate sat down next to Kara.

“You have no idea. I want to know what he’s up to.”

“Well we know Lex Luthor is a psychopathic lunatic, who wants to take over the world,” Kate took a sip.

“I know that, but...”

“What is his plan?”

The two sat quietly in Kara’s loft trying to think of ideas of Lex’s plan. That was until Kate spotted a picture in Kara’s open journal.

“Who is this?” Kate teased as she held up the photo of Kara and Lena.

“Lena, she was my best friend.”

“Was?”

“She’s Lex’s sister. But she’s not like him or the rest of the family, she’s good. Before Crisis I betrayed her, kept the biggest secret from her. Lex told her. She had a mission to make sure no one could hurt each other again, because I had hurt her when everyone in her life had already done so. She told me, all those times I checked in on her at her office, during brunch, game night and each one of those times she told me about her Achilles heel. And now, now she’s got her wish that I experience the same thing she has. She wouldn’t even look at me now, and she’s working with Lex.”

“Were you two close?”

“When I was around her I didn’t have to feel like I had to be Supergirl. I was normal, and I didn’t have to worry about the weight of the world on my shoulders.”

“Like she’s the only one who truly knows you, and not your alter ego. Yeah I know how you feel.”

“Luke?”

“Ex-girlfriend actually. Sophie Moore which gives me the impression that she is more than a friend to you.”

“She’s my best friend, she’s my family.”

Kate froze and stared, eyebrows furrowed at the oblivious girl in front of her.

“I appreciate you coming here, Kate. I don’t mean to kick you out but I have work in the morning and Andrea would not be happy if I’m late.”

“Tomorrow is a Saturday, you could help me on my suit though.”

“You brought your suit here?” 

“Well no, but Cisco said my suit ‘is too last crisis’” Kate used quotations as she said it.

“Huh maybe Cisco could help me with something.”

“You already have an upgrade on your suit, did you want another one?”

“Oh no, a gadget actually or something you know to help me feel more human. To be Kara Danvers and not Kara Zor-El or Supergirl.”

“Like forever?”

“Just when I want to be.”

The World’s Finest Duo entered Star Labs greeted with hugs and shouts. The shouts were mainly by Cisco, he was excited to show off the new bat suit.

“Ta-da!” Cisco pulled off the white sheet in the main corridor.

Barry had his arms crossed, as Caitlyn and Iris turned their heads to the side, Kara’s eyebrows creased together with her mouth slightly open, and Kate was the only one with courage to speak the truth.

“What’s the difference between this and my old suit.”

Cisco gasped in mock hurt. “Excuse me, your old suit may have Kevlar armor, damage recording, night vision lenses, and a defibrillator. But this! This baby can fly!”

The suit began to levitate as Cisco gushed at his own creation.

“And what if it runs out of battery?” Kate asked. “I wouldn’t want to fall out of the sky.”

“I’m glad you asked,” Cisco pointed to Kate before he tapped something on his tablet. “Kinetic storage! Everytime you move in the suit it charges it AND BAM nanotechnology! You can get to scenes quicker!”

“That’s so cool!” Kara smiled.

“Come on let’s try this baby out!” Cisco drummed his hands against the shoulder of the suit. “Barry has the ring, Kara has the glasses, J’onn with his shape shifting, and you, you get a necklace!”

“A necklace? Really Cisco?” Iris shrugged.

“Yeah yeah it’s all Black Pantery, not that origin-“

“I was hoping for more of a pizzazz,” Iris waved her hands in the air, displaying jazz hands.

“Okay, I see how it is. You try improving a suit that was already impressive.” Cisco sassed.

Ralph walked in moments later. “Oh hey, love the new suit Cisco, I’ve got info on our meta.”

“Thank you! At least someone has an eye for beauty.”

“Alright, Ralph and I will check it out.” A gust of wind blew around the corridor.

Cisco asked Kate for her birthstone necklace and placed some emitter on the back of it. “When you need the suit it’ll know.”

The suit slowly appeared on Kate’s body as the whole room now found it impressive.

“And for my favorite Kryptonian.” Cisco held out a bracelet.

“Is this blue Kryptonite?” Kara asked.

“So based on our existing world history, not only does blue K not affect you like Bazzaro, it can also suppress Kryptonian powers. When you whip off your glasses for your suit to materialize, the lead lined glasses would engulf the blue K letting you become Super. Superbat 2.0. Try them on, and see how it works.”

“So you want Kara to punch me while I fly away.”

“Okay when you put it like that, it makes it sound less interesting.”

Kara and Kate thanked Cisco after their test run. Things went back to normal, well as normal is it can get with the World’s Finest, for the next eight weeks. Andrea decided to focus more on Obsidian North than on Catco, therefore selling it with two potential buyers. Lena Luthor and Kate Kane. 

Ms. Kane and Ms. Luthor continuously went back and forth without giving Ms. Rojas the ability to jump in and agree or disagree with the two other billionaires in the room. 

“Okay, I’m going to go to the editorial meeting. You ladies should figure this out between the two of you before you come to me of who is buying and at what price. I don’t even care if it is less than what I bought it for, just get Catco out of my hands.”

“1 billion,” Lena crossed her arms in and leaned against her chair. 

“Is that how much you’re willing to pay for Catco?” Kate asked. 

“I don’t care about how much money I pay for it as long as I can make Kara happy.”

“So you are buying Catco for it’s Pulitzer prize winning reporter.” 

Lena was confused, as far as she knew Kara Danvers never got a Pulitzer prize, not since the multiverse was changed. So how could this insignificant real estate, tattoo covered asshole from Gotham know about what wasn’t even possible. 

“The lines on your forehead indicate that you are confused. That or you are just getting old,” Kate smirked. “And to answer your old lady confusion, Kara and I saved the multiverse, along with that no good brother of yours. Which you still work with despite the reality of his psychotic mind.” 

“Working with Lex was the only way I could keep an eye on him without causing any suspicions and to protect Superfriends from his ultimate plan.” 

“Yet your plan was to sit around while he did awful things?”

“What more could I have done? Sleep around with someone while being in love with someone else?” Lena called out Kate. 

It was Kate’s turn to be speechless. 

“Don’t think I don’t know Ms.Kane. You have all these tattoos to show you don’t care and is a player but deep down you really care for someone.”

“I could say the same for you Ms. Luthor. It is not all that surprising that you brought up sleeping with someone else and loving someone while we talk about Kara. That every time you are in a room with Kara, your eyes subtly move towards her arms or how you unconsciously bite your lip.”

“What goes on in my mind about Kara has nothing to do with this.”

“It takes one to know one, Luthor. I’m just stating the facts.” 

The room fell into silence for the first time since the younger Kane and the younger Luthor walked into the office. That was until a happy, beaming Golden Retriever walked into the room.

“Kate! You’re here!” Kara ran to give her a hug. “What are you doing here?”

“Andrea is selling Catco, wanted to see my chance of getting it. But it seems I have competition.” Kara followed Kate’s line of sight and noticed Lena. 

“Lena! You’re here!” Kara ran towards Lena before she hesitated to give her a hug.  Before the whole betrayal there would’ve been no hesitation but now, now she didn’t know what the right thing to do was. 

“I am, and when I buy it back. You will be editor in chief.” 

“No need to kiss ass, Luthor. We are both trying to buy Catco for the same reason.”

“What is that reason?” Kara smiled.

“I’m surprised you didn’t hear Kara. You’re the one with super hearing.” Lena whispered dangerously close to Kara’s ear.

“I-uh. I got a. I got a device from Cisco. He made something for me so I wouldn’t constantly need to control my strength and be human like you guys.” 

“Well feel free to use all your strength with me.” Lena bit Kara’s earlobe before she walked away. 

“I’ll tell Andrea, I’m buying then?”

“Oh sweetheart, I’m not going to make it that easy.” 

“Kate please save me.” Kara was redder than a tomato.

“I think you should follow her.” 

“You’re right. I’ll go do that.”

Andrea walked in the moment Kara left. “So it turns out Lena is buying Catco?”

“Huh what, okay,” Kate did not realize she agreed to Lena buying Catco. She was confused with how that whole thing played out. 

[thatmultifandomhoe]

The Extremely Large Tag Game

ATagged By: @dreamystuffers​ thank you sweet pea and HOLY SHIT THIS REALLY IS THE ULTIMATE TAG GAME BUT I AM READY.

SECTION ONE: First and last tag: post the first line of a wip as well as the last line you’ve written so far!

So I have several Wips at the moment and whelp, I’m gonna do them all lol.

The Size of a Heart: Wonho and Reader (Drabble)

First Line Written: The sky was burning as the sun set for the night, cloaking the city in its familiar darkness.

Last Line Written: “I tell myself that it’s better if it hurts, but I…I can’t anymore…I can’t.”

Tentatively Falling: Vampire Jongdae and Reader (Series)

First Line Written: Strobe lights flashed around the dark bar, drawing your attention every now and then when they went wild as the bass dropped.

Last Line Written: It was more than you ever thought, but it was exactly what you dreamt about hearing him say.

Heavenly Father: Boyfriend Yoongi, Priest Jimin, Alter boy Jungkook, and Reader (Smut Crack Drabble - Title May Change)

First Line Written: The stain glass windows in the Church were a sight to see during the day, the sunlight streaming through and bringing life to the images during the service, and brought a sense of comforting to those during times of trouble.

Last Line Written: Jimin groaned and your eyes watered when your nose was pressed against the base, his dick down your throat.

Knitting You a Home: Wolf Hybrid Namjoon and Reader (Series)

First Line Written: The wind howled while rain pelted your house as the storm refused to let up.

Last Line Written: For the moment, his thoughts were cleared, allowing him to fall asleep with you safely in his arms.

SECTION TWO. Enter 15 of your biases and put them in this order to discover the story of your life

Parent: Hongjoong

well I mean he is pretty daddy at times

Sibling: Jongdae

Grandparent: Sammy

Haunts you: Vernon

Significant other: Jooheon

HELL YEAH BITCHES

Ex: Yuta

damn that’s...that’s a change

Best friend: Chanyeol

Proposed to you: Yoongi

Was this before Jooheon or after Jooheon? Who’s my ass with?

Your boss: Taeyong

Random person you meet a the bar: Seonghwa

Rival: Bang Chan

BUT HE’S THE SWEETEST HUMAN BEING THO

First kiss: Namjoon

Drunk and singing karaoke with: Wonho

Played seven minutes in heaven with: Felix

Gave you your favorite dessert: Jackson

I...I can see this one. He’s sweet to do that

SECTION THREE. Describe your bias by their vibes as if they were someone in your life. (I’m doing my Ults, 1 from each group.)

Jongdae (EXO): The guy that everyone knows because he’s the one with that distinguishable laugh. The class clown that knows the limits and only crosses them on rare occasions. You think you know him but then he’ll say something that you never knew about him. Craves his independence but is the quiet one when in a large group, smiling as he watches the more energetic ones run about. An old soul trapped in a young body.

Yoongi (BTS): The one who devotes himself to his work and rarely sees the light of day. His room is littered with empty to go cups of coffee mixed with his own assortment of coffee mugs Coffee ring stains on furniture. You think he’s not listening or paying attention but when you least expect it, he’ll quietly do something or hand you a gift that he knows you treasure. He’ll never ask for cuddles, but he’ll always give them to you and refuse to let you go when you try to get up. Wise beyond his years because he’s suffered and doesn’t wish it on anyone else.

Yuta (NCT): The popular guy that at first everyone warns you about, but once you get to know him yourself, you don’t know why they warned you in the first place because he’s a total sweetheart. The guy who flirts with everyone and anyone, but remains loyal to his girl. He’s never without his iced coffee, and he’s dyeing his hair in the bathtub with a friend to help make sure it doesn’t go too wrong. Will entertain your drunk texts. He’s the one to text at 2 am when you’re feeling alone and down and he’ll do what he can to lift you back up with nothing but the truth.

Hongjoong (Ateez): He’s the guy who doesn’t give a shit about trends or styles, he creates his own. The guy who does the piercings at the local tattoo shop knows him by name because he’s gotten so many of his piercings done there. He is the Fashion DIY King. Will roast his friends the hardest  because he loves them the most and takes it when they dish it back. Somehow manages to rock hairstyles - long live the mullet - that no one thought should have ever existed. Don’t let him cook though. If he cooks you’ll end up with food poisoning. He’s the one who will let you try makeup tricks and new products on him. Secretly amazing at painting nails.

Wonho (Monsta X): He’s the guy friend that you never expected to be friends with. Him? You? Total opposites on a physical scale. On completely different levels. Once you get to know him, he’s a total teddy bear. Doesn’t question it when you suddenly appear and hug him without saying a word, he’ll simply hug you back while maintaining the conversation he had going. Or he’ll simply surprise you with a hug because he likes them.

Bang Chan (Stray Kids): He’s the one that always has his earbuds in even during class. Like he’s the guy that has the earbud going through the sleeve of his hoodie and is pressing his palm against his ear to listen to the music. Listens to everyone, even if he doesn’t know them that well and gives really good advice if they ask for it.

Jackson (Got7): The guy that you can hear a mile away. Hyper. Can’t sit still to save his life. He was the guy that you’d see doing laps in the hallway with his friends when he should have been in class, but he was the nice one. Passionate and when you ask him about what he’s working on, he’ll talk about it for hours. Will also apologize multiple times for going on but then continue to go on.

SECTION FOUR. Search your name + “core aesthetic” on Pinterest and make yourself a moodboard

SECTION FIVE. Make a normal and fantasy version of yourself using this !

SECTION SIX. Writing tag game!

What is your ideal setting for focusing on your writing?

A quiet office where I can play music softly in the background and be at a desk with a comfortable chair.

 What Genre do you prefer to write?

Slice of Life, Young Adult, College Age.

Do you prefer to write on paper or digitally?

Both.

It’s the middle of the night and you suddenly wake up with an idea. What do you do?

Make a note of it in either my notebook or in the notes section on my phone.

Who is your favorite person to write about?

Jimin and Hoseok

Do you like making your own characters, or do you usually write about real people?

I like to do both. Honestly, it’s kinda like a mix of both. With some of my fics, the only thing that makes them fanfics are that I’m using the real person’s name, and I’ll pin point on certain aspects of their physical features. In Brotið Hjarta, the only thing that connects to it being Namjoon is his name, and maybe his hair style/color and ear piercings, everything else was what I imagined it to be.

Have you ever written a book/story with more than 15 chapters (100K words)?

Yes. Strawberry Cream and BBQ

How often do you get ideas?

From everyday life, sometimes I’ll be daydreaming and it kinda morphs into a story or a fanfic and so I’ll make notes so that I don’t forget it.

Do you ever get an idea that you really like, but just can’t seem to finish?

Yessss, all the time.

What is your least favorite plot?

I don’t know about least favorite plots, but I do hate it when fics dive straight into a story without any background or anything. Wait, so maybe that’s pwp fics????? I don’t want to be a hypocrite, but even with my fics that primarily focus on smut, I still add in those background details and give them a teeny tiny plot.

SECTION SEVEN. Put your music on shuffle and reveal the first ten songs that come on.

The Kids Aren’t Alright - Fall out Boy

In the Dark - Bring Me the Horizon

Teeth - 5 Seconds of Summer

All In - Monsta X

To the Beat - Ateez

Shot - Lil’ Jon

Daechwita - Agust D

Treasure - Ateez

Adore You - Harry Styles

Guys My Age - Hey Violet

SECTION EIGHT. Questions tag:

Relationships: 2

Break-ups: 2

Kids: Right now? 0

Brothers and Sisters: 1 older brother.

Pets: 0

Surgeries: 0

Tattoos: 0

Countries you’ve been to: 0

Been in an airplane: yes

Been in an ambulance: yes

I sing karaoke: hell no.

Ice skating: I like it but I suck at it and have only been able to go during school events in the past.

Been on a cruise: hell no

Driven a motorcycle: nope

Ridden a horse: yes

Stayed in a hospital: nope

Favorite fruit or berry: Raspberries

Favorite color: Magenta

Last text: “Perfect! I’ll let you know when I am able to send yours out!” - I do pen palling and was letting someone know when I could send them a post card in exchange for the one I’m getting.

Cat or dog: Cat

Favorite pizza: White sauce pizza with chicken and feta cheese

Met a star: nope

Flown a helicopter: nada

Been on TV: nope

Broken my leg: nope

Seen a ghost: don’t believe in them.

Been sick in a taxi: nope

Seen someone die: no

SECTION NINE: Fifteen questions tag:

One ; it’s your birthday! what did you ask for?

Gift cards, um...(this is bad because my birthday is actually coming up) maybe some things from my Amazon list?

Two ; what was the last song / album you listened to?

WAP by Cardi B

Three ; what is your go to snack when you’re hungry?

Chocolate, cookies or cookies dipped in peanut butter

Four ; what is your morning routine?

Wake up, check messages on my phone while still in bed, get up, make coffee, maybe eat breakfast, drink coffee in bed, listen to music/watch videos or read on phone while drinking coffee, get dressed, brush teeth and skincare routine, make bed.

Five ; what mythical creature would you be?

An Elf? Or a Forest Witch. Something that has to do with the Earth and nature.

Six ; how do you interact with someone you don’t like?

I give short and straight to the point answers, if I’m working on something and they come up to me I’ll pointedly focus on that task instead of them.

Seven ; how do you define a toxic person?

Someone who lies, who makes you feel bad about the things that you do, that puts you done while lifting themselves, who is constantly bragging about their own things, who puts down others, who acts like they’re better, who acts like they’re way of life should be the only way of life.

Eight ; have you ever been to a concert or a fan-meet? if not, would you want to?

I have not, but I would like to one day because they seem fun and it would be nice to see a performance in person.

Nine ; do you believe in astrology? why or why not?

I do, mostly because it’s fun and interesting and I tend to find that I do a lot of the things and act like my zodiac sign without realizing it (aka I’m a Virgo).

Ten ; if you could have only one sense (hearing, touch, sight, etc.), which would you keep?

Hearing.

Eleven ; who is your favorite celebrity or idol?

At the moment, BM from Kard.

Twelve ; if you could talk to your favorite celebrity for a limited time, what would you tell them?

How do you keep going when it gets hard?

Thirteen ; I’m taking you out on a date. where are we going?

Maybe an art museum, or somewhere with flowers?

Fourteen ; do you prefer sweet or savory?

Sweet.

Fifteen ; do you have any Merch from any of your favorite artists?

I have several BTS albums and an EXO album.

I AM Tagging: @mygsii @myforeverforlife  @peonybane  @hobicomeholla29  @loser-dot-com @jeonsdear @namsjoon  @kpopcinnamonswirlroll @eashmo201 @1997jk @soulofatiny @cherryeoo​ @minniepetals​ @minniesmarshmallow​ @yoongi-sugaglider​  @crystaljins​ @taestfully​  @hyyunjins​ @i-am-delaney​ @worldwidebt7​ @flurrys-creativity​  @apurpledheart​ @holyfluffly​ @yunception​ @boymeetsweevil​ @chans-chair​ @brokecollegenerd​ @jinyoungsir​ @writersrealmbts​ @kpophoneybunny​ @actuallythatwaspromise​  @ladyartemesia​ @haylo4ever​ @ggukcangetit​ @kpopfanfictrash​ @wwilloww​ @jingabitch​ @kigurumu​ @jamaiskook​ @thatlongspringnight​ @ot7always-main​  @hauntedlilies​ @koophoriia​ @lorealchanelll​ @sweetheart--sannie​  @sweetae-tae​ @iniquitouspoppy​  

[makeste]

BnHA Chapter 244: Have You Read This Book

Previously on BnHA: Deku visited his mom on New Year’s Eve and was all “here’s a new letter from my ever-expanding fanclub of adorable preschoolers whom I saved from trauma” and Inko was all, “I’M SO PROUD OF YOU IZUKU I FEEL LIKE I DON’T HAVE TO PROTECT YOU ANYMORE” because she doesn’t watch the news at all or keep track of ominous plot developments I guess. The next morning, a.k.a. New Year’s Fucking Day, while other kids their age visited shrines or sat at home watching TV, Izuku, Shouto, and Katsuki were bussed off to go be child soldiers at Endeavor’s hero agency. Katsuki was all “HEY ENDEAVOR YOU’RE KIND OF A DICK,” and Endeavor was all “SHOUTO IS THIS VULGAR AND PUGNACIOUS YOUTH REALLY YOUR FRIEND” and Shouto was all “TOO LATE DAD, YOU SAID!!” and Endeavor hmmphed and booked it out of there and the kids all followed him and there was this old dude with a beard floating around screaming about END TIMES!! and Hawks was there and, what?? Seriously does anyone actually know what’s going on?

Today on BnHA: Endeavor chases down the old man (who may in fact be an actual prophet, though? Horikoshi what games are you playing) and sets him on fire and tackles him and it’s all very violent. Hawks then appears out of nowhere and breaks up BakuDeku’s tag team effort all “SAVE IT FOR THE MOVIE YOU TWO!” and is then all “hi Shouto” and “hi, you must be Midoriya, Tokoyami told me all about you, I wanted to work with you too, BUT -- [stares off angstily into the distance].” Then, because I forgot that Hawks never shuts up, he’s all, “Hey Endeavor have you ever heard of this book, ‘Paranormal Liberation Front’? Don’t let the really dumb-sounding title put you off, it’s actually a rousing tale full of hidden clues about all the bullshit I’m actually up to. I highlighted the relevant portions if you can’t be assed to read it, well anyways, Hail Hydra.” “Well that was a strange conversation,” Endeavor thinks to himself as he stares uncomprehendingly into the void. Sob someone please help them why are they so bad at this oh god.

(All comments are my unspoiled reactions from my initial readthrough of the chapter. I did a quick edit for grammar and clarity immediately afterward, and added a few ETAs in the process, but aside from that there are no changes.)

so thanks to that little stunt Horikoshi pulled two weeks ago, our chances of finding out Bakugou’s hero name any time within the next dozen chapters are slimmer than ever. probably he’ll reveal it at the end of the arc instead. it’s like he doesn’t even care about the databook. whatever I’ll have plenty of time to sulk more about it after I get to readin’

anyway the title of the new chapter is “Recommendation”, so... actually that does sound fairly promising, though? am I just eternally doomed to get my hopes up? is this referring to Shouto pestering his dad to take on his two best friends as fellow interns? what’s going on here

anyway so we’re opening with this

I love that it’s the two supposed goody-two-shoes kids who are actually being vocal about blatantly disregarding Endeavor’s orders. Shouto is just not having it to begin with, whereas Deku at least is trying to rationalize his own reckless behavior. Katsuki meanwhile is too focused on doing this fancy kick move to switch his suitcase from his left hand to his right to bother talking right now. reminds me of him playing with the soccer ball as a youngling

also the fact that his case is number 17 and Deku’s is number 18. have I talked about this before? I think I have but it was with some other numbered thing. anyways love the symbolism of him trying to stay one step ahead of him and Deku always being right on his heels. or maybe I’m reading too much into it but anyways rivals, yay

damn Endeavor is really determined to get ahead of them though

uh oh Horikoshi how much action did you pack into this chapter. starting to run out of time to finish all your panels again huh. you had a whole extra week! how fucking insane is this arc going to be holy shit

anyways Endeavor way to leave your brand new interns behind minutes after meeting them for the first time smdh. this is exactly how it went down with Hawks and Tokoyami

okay so like, I know a flash fire is an actual thing, but for a second I started wondering if in this kind of context (with him speeding off), it might also be a reference to the DC hero. then I remembered that the name of Endeavor’s technique is different in Japanese and the pun probably doesn’t translate. ah well

anyways dude is fast. but I wouldn’t count the kids out yet, they’re all pretty fast too!

so now we’re back downtown with Old Man Doom And Gloom, and oddly enough it seems that this isn’t actually an out-of-the-ordinary occurrence?

fucking quirk society. you guys are just so desensitized to the most bizarre fucking things. but I guess we in the 21st century are hardly ones to talk ourselves sigh

anyway now he’s being a bit more extra than usual and they’re starting to worry

?? the fuck is that? that sure as hell isn’t Hawks or Endeavor lmao. IF IT’S SLIDIN’ GO I SWEAR TO GOD

or wait, is it still the old man talking? should I actually be paying attention to his ramblings, my bad

is that a fucking Spirit Bomb

(ETA: in truth this is the most badass attack name that has ever existed or will ever exist and I should give it its proper due actually.)

so now I guess he’s hurtling it at them??

...hold up one sec

“revelations from the universe, I have received. flee, flee good citizens. the Dark Lord’s lips curl into a wicked crescent” -- holy shit, this all tracks?? IS THIS DOOMSDAY CRACKPOT MOTHERFUCKER ACTUALLY RIGHT ON THE FUCKING MONEY HOLY SHIT. ARE YOU A WITCH GOOD SIR. DID YOU WRITE A BOOK OF HIGHLY ACCURATE AND DEVASTATINGLY WITTY PROPHECIES BY ANY CHANCE

“the end is nigh! the wicked stars are conspiring against us! we must stop them! the earth is on the verge of being engulfed by darkness! flee, my fellow citizens! I am the one who shall destroy this source of darkness! be revealed! servants of the dark lord, come forth!”

okay listen. if he’s aiming this fucking thing at Hawks, though, after a speech like that? fuck it, I’m a believer. I’m sorry old man, I wrote you off without a second thought and here you are being the only one who’s actually like “HELLO!!!? PEOPLE!!!? THE LEAGUE OF VILLAINS!!?! THEY HAVE AN ARMY!!? AND NOUMUS!??! FUUUUUUUUCK”

and I don’t know where you’re getting your information, but those are some legit-ass universe revelations. fucking even talks about the “Dark Lord” specifically only describing his lips. because he doesn’t have anything else to describe nowadays, face-wise. shit that is spooky

anyway so that sure was unexpected. let’s see what shenanigans Master Roshi here is gonna get himself into next

did my boy just get fucking flashfired. jesus Endeavor show some fucking mercy

...

someone want to explain to this man the concept of a proportionate response? anyone? ...

fucking Todorokis I swear to god. if they weren’t all so good at being amazing superheroes, they could easily fall back on a career of being dramatic bitches for hire instead

anyways when did Endeavor change his clothes. this dude was wearing a turtleneck and slacks thirty seconds ago. did he literally just burn them off. how. what. fucking plot holes left and right

lol imagine if like on the next page the interns finally catch up and they’re like holding his fucking jacket and looking peeved

-- holy fucking shit, Endeavor

not cool, dude!! what the fuck. this isn’t a fucking Noumu for fuck’s sake THAT IS A HUMAN PERSON

(ETA: I guess he ended up being okay, but shit, for a moment it looked like we were going full blown Raiders of the Lost Ark over here. anyways the moral of this story is that Endeavor is terrifying, fuck.)

so now of course Nostradamus is trying to get the fuck out of there, because if he sticks around Endeavor apparently has no qualms about burning him alive. fuck me Endeavor, I’m still rooting for your redemption arc my dude, but tbh if Dabi happens to pop up out of nowhere here looking for some revenge I’m not gonna say no to it right now. quit burning people alive!!

so now 12/21/2012 is zooming down an alley and Endeavor is zooming after him and telling some extra with a sword to stay and lead the evacuation

oh??

Endeavor have you flown yourself right into a trap?

oh my god what the fuck is this

it’s like Dabi VS the Liberation Army all over again. fucking check all these motherfuckers who apparently want to get themselves deep fried. this one guy really thinks he’s going to clock the Number One with a piece of fucking PVC pipe

LMAOOOOO

LOOKS LIKE WE GOT OURSELVES A RUCKUS, BOYS! you better believe I have the Powerpuff Girls theme song playing in my head right now

-- !!!

HAWKS!! I WAS STARTING TO WONDER IF YOU REALLY WERE THERE TOO OR IF THE PANELS IN THE PREVIOUS CHAPTER WERE DELIBERATELY MISLEADING

LOOOOOOL

pour one out for these poor sobs who somehow got themselves caught up in an accidental pincer attack between the dynamic fucking duo and fucking Angry Bird here. where the fuck is Shouto btw. or is he the one that got stuck carrying Endeavor’s jacket

loool look at Hawks out here making friends

SURPRISE BITCH

oh my god though you guys look at this??

HELLO SURPRISE NEW FAVORITE SERIES OF PANELS, CAN I JUST TAKE A MOMENT TO LOVE ON YOU A BIT HERE, BECAUSE

1. Bakugou and Deku IN PERFECT SYNC, not even thinking about it. just effortless. that was an amazing tag team thing you guys had going on before SOMEONE stepped in and ruined it all omg. do you want me to talk to Hawks for you. I’ve been meaning to discuss some other things with him anyway so it’s not like it’d be going out of my way. can you believe this fucking pigeon blocked my number. WHERE IS JEANIST YOU BASTARD

anyways 2. “I thought Endeavor might have been in a tough spot” that’s a funny way of saying “I was lonely and missed my angry arson dad”! and fucking look at this ridiculous bantering between them. “did it look like I was in a tough spot?” I FUCKING CAN’T YOU GUYS PLEASE STOP

and 3. Shouto just watching. is he impressed by his dad? or just trying to figure out whether Hawks is his dad’s adopted son or boyfriend. I’m pretty sure it’s the former, Shouto, but I don’t blame you for being confused, Hawks just has that kind of energy with everyone

oh my god

somebody arrest this man. I can’t fucking deal with your cheeky fucking face Hawks

is Skeptic getting all of this?? are they sitting there with bowls of popcorn back at the League of Pliff HQ trying to figure out whether Endeavor and Hawks are dating

...and shit, I just realized the League officially knows now that the disaster trio is interning with the number one. so that’s fucking great. not that it would have been a secret for long, but still, things are officially starting to get real. in hindsight, after the Kamino arc we had a nice long stretch of chapters in which Deku, Kacchan, and Shouto were not in immediate danger from the main fucking villains, so that was nice while it lasted I guess. those days will soon be behind us

ahhhklkljkl

fucking shit Hawks could you be any more ominous. oh my god this arc really is going to kill me

so now we’re cutting away to somewhere. Pliff?

-- oh, nope, still in the same place, we just fast-forwarded to the part where the police came to haul all the bad guys away

and now the manga is being all clever and foreshadowing-y and would you look at this

BUT IS HE TALKING ABOUT ENDEAVOR, OR HAWKS omg. or hell, he could even be talking about Deku. or AFO even though he’s not actually there. point is, you know he’s not actually wrong. but what is he actually trying to tell us ahhhhhh Servant of the Stars please reveal your secrets

(ETA: in all seriousness you guys, I’m fully down for counting this as a prophecy. it’s already canon that future-seeing quirks are a thing, so. the only problem is that this is some Game of Thrones-level ambiguity as far as who he’s actually talking about. it seriously could be anyone. anyways at least we’ve got some shiny new theory material to play around with here so that’s nice.)

LMAO

HAWKS YOU BASTARD, JUST LIKE THAT I’VE FORGIVEN YOU FOR THE FUCKING JEANOCIDE

how does every single person Deku meets not greet him this way?? I sure as hell would. “well if it isn’t the kid who just. fuckin blew up his own hands on live television, multiple times. salutations”

anyways where’s Katsuki, the boy whose previous hero mentor you murdered in cold blood but he doesn’t actually know that yet. when are we gonna start in on that?

Hawks says he’s heard about Deku from Tokoyami. and he even says he would have liked to work with Deku too, wow. that’s high praise

ffffff here it comes, THAT GOOD HAWKS ANGST. WE WERE WAITING FOR THIS BUT IT’S STILL BRUTAL GAH

is this entire arc just going to consist of Hawks saying cryptic things with double meanings known only to him and then glancing sideways at the camera all broodingly omg

AH, THERE HE IS

Katsuki’s natural instinct to dislike 100% of newcomers on sight might work out to his advantage here. Hawks’s maxed-out Charisma stats VS Katsuki’s middling Perception stats which nonetheless have a tendency to land high whenever he performs an ability check! I might need to back off from this metaphor though before it becomes really obvious that I don’t actually play D&D

lol

omg Endeavor can’t a guy just drop in on his grumpy pal out of the blue to make sure he’s doing okay without having some sort of ulterior motive? why are you so sure that Hawks showing up means that plot must be happening. because you’re not wrong, is the thing. but he’s probably just being standoffish for show

holy shit and now Hawks is just pulling out the Liberation Army’s book just like that?? IS HE ALLOWED TO DO THAT

(ETA: “let’s see, what’s a subtle way I can try and clue Endeavor in on the fact that I’ve become an undercover agent in the Paranormal Villain League of Liberation Front Armies. ... ...shit I’m not good at this.”)

and since when was this book called “Paranormal Liberation Front”?? did they change the title to match the new name?

and what’s Hawks’s game here, though? is he going to play it as though he’s secretly investigating Pliff? you know, like he actually is doing? is this some kind of hiding in plain sight thing or what

guys. is Hawks just... actually really bad at being a secret agent. omg

so he’s all “DESTRO’S IDEALS ARE EVERYTHING WE COULD ASK FOR” and lol what. fucking look at Endeavor’s face though

this motherfucker could use a boost of his own wisdom stats, fff

(ETA: swear to god he’s two seconds away from a Katsuki-style “hah?!”)

oh my god

fucking fuck me. he better have highlighted a really obvious section of that book, because otherwise I’m not gonna hold out hope for this message getting across at all. at least we know what that “recommendation” title was referring to now I guess

(ETA: Endeavor: [reading the highlighted section backwards] “‘‘it’s fun to smoke marijuana’!? what in the --”)

loooool

the fate of the world now rests upon Endeavor’s abilities to See Underneath The Underneath and somehow decipher that when Hawks says, “ENDEAVOR I CHASED YOU DOWN IN ORDER TO GIVE YOU A COPY OF THIS BOOK THE VILLAINS WROTE, I THINK IT’S REALLY KEEN AND YOU SHOULD CHECK IT OUT”, what he’s really saying is, “ENDEAVOR I NEED YOU TO INVESTIGATE THIS SUSPICIOUS ‘LIBERATION FRONT’ THAT’S BEEN COINCIDENTALLY GATHERING A LOT OF ATTENTION SINCE THAT SHADY INCIDENT IN DEIKA CITY WHERE ‘TWENTY GUYS' BASICALLY DESTROYED AN ENTIRE TOWN. IF YOU’RE TOO DENSE TO PICK UP ON ANY OF THAT, I HIGHLIGHTED THE RELEVANT PORTION OF THE BOOK SO HOPEFULLY EVEN AN OBLIVIOUS DUMBBELL LIKE YOU CAN FIGURE IT OUT.” jesus christ

at least Endeavor now has some nerdy interns who fucking love to read. hell, Deku has probably already read the book. please help this dumb jock to understand his bird son’s coded message, Deku-Wan Kenobi, you’re our only hope

and that’s the end of the chapter! except that I heard there was a new poster for Heroes Rising that was released as well! how come it wasn’t included here now I have to go hunt it down

son of a bitch is this really the best quality that’s available? damn

well all right. not really much going on here that’s a big revelation or anything, aside from the surprise inclusion of Hawks in the upper right hand corner. did we know he was going to be in this? and like, even if the anime does make it as far as his debut in season 4, will it have reached that point by the time the movie premieres in December? glad I caught up beforehand if they’re gonna start spoiling things like this

so that’s all she wrote for this week! databook is due out next week so that should be fun! we’re finally going to get Hawks’s real name from what I understand. so I can start yelling at him using his full name like a disappointed mom. I have a feeling that’s going to come in handy a lot during this arc. go to your room young man

(ETA: and just watch it be the Japanese equivalent of “Judas McMurder” or some shit. smh. y’all. we stan a shady bitch.)

[evilelitest2]

Do you know any fantasy work that tackles both race as in 'fantasy races' and race as in 'ethnic groups(preferably where humans are not the only ones with such diversity)'? And what are your two cents on how these two factors would interact/intersect in a hypothetical fantasy setting/society?

1) Discounting fantasy set at least partly in the modern day, I do not, fantasy usually tackles metaphorical racism rather than real life racism ad 

2) @afriendtokilltime has a lot of thoughts on this, my take is that when it comes to fantasy racism, it can be interesting as a worldbuilding idea to explore the nature of bigotry, but it is a mistake to use this as a metaphor for real life bigotry, except in the case of just showcasing how bigots tend to think.

See real life racism is based on the notion that human beings are in fact a collection of sub species, which simply isn’t true.  So a white supremacist is like “oh black people and white people possess different essential trails” which just does not hold up scientifically, in almost every respect whites and blacks are biologically the same.

In fantasy though, an Elf and a Human are actually different species, they possess different powers, different bodies, and different traits.  It is more comparable to if some really humanoid seeming aliens arrived on earth than how racism works today.   

Which is fine, there are a whole host of interesting possibilities and world states raised by the existence of non humans living and interacting, and it frankly feels unrealistic for this not to result in some degree of bigotry being how human beings (and by extension beings who think in near human terms).  As long as the fantasy story doesn’t seem to believe that different species instinctively get along, or having the “Evil races” who are just dicks because...they are dicks, that basic approach is fine, in fact it can be really interesting.  It would be more interesting if elves, dwarves, halflings, gnomes ect had the same level of racial diversity as humans do.

Basically when it comes to elves or dwarves, fantasy is taking the first step of racist assumptions for granted, aka “There are different species of beings who have different physical traits”.   However fantasy, rather than making these different species be different human ethnicity, makes them 

In a sense, the term race makes a lot more sense in fantasy than it does in real life, because an elf and a human wholly different species of creature, 

There are two major problems with how fantasy tends to do this.  

Firstly, there is a common trope in fantasy that all forms of racism basically vanish if elves and dwarves exist in the world.  So in Dragon Age, a series very interested in talking about racism and bigotry, racism exists between humans and elves, and national ethnocentrism exists between various nations, but humans aren’t racist against each other.  The dividing line is human vs. nonhuman.  This is also true in the Witcher, the fiercely xenophobic Northern Kingdoms are racist towards nonhumans, but the only bigotry they have against humans is effectively just national stereotypes.  This isn’t just unrealistic to how human beings behave (a form of bigotry existing doesn’t erase other forms of bigotry) but it is also a huge cop out on the part of the writers, who are like “lets talk about racism’ but lacking the courage to point to real life racism that make the audience uncomfortable.  

This is not to say a fantasy would would have white Supremacy, a very modern notion, but not addressing real life racism is silly.  It is also silly because real life racism, based on the assertion of creating divisions where they don’t exist, would work differently from fantasy racism in terms of how it was enacted.   Bright is like the worse example of this (and is generally terrible).

Secondly, fantasy can sometimes go too far with the fantasy counterpart culture idea, which can get racist if you aren’t careful.  There is a long history of orcs representing a racist stand in for black people or mongols. So fantasy needs to be careful to avoid that.  

[packsbeforesnacks]

A Life Still Permanent || Solo

[Part One | Part Two | Side B]

TIMING: Saturday, February 8th, 2020, Dawn LOCATION: The Outskirts SUMMARY: You can’t keep a good wolf down. WARNINGS: References to suicide and attempt, suicidal ideation, unhealthy coping mechanisms, and potentially self-harm.

Winn felt like death.

There were certain benefits to being a werewolf. Increased strength, stamina and, hell, Winn’s alcohol tolerance had improved—though some might attribute that primarily to his frat boy tendencies rather than his monthly furry problem. But he was only (mostly, kinda) human, and his body could only take so much before it decided to give up.

A quick review of Winn’s week would reveal the following events: (1) the Kansas City fuckin’ Chiefs had won the Super Bowl, (2) he’d been forced to come clean to a maybe-baby-wolf about his being a werewolf (and made an ass of himself in the process), (3) Ricky hadn’t yet confirmed he’d be willing to make Winn more barbecue, (4) Blanche was being weird, (5) he’d helped a drunk lady home (great, one good thing), (6) he’d fought a Zamboni—oh, yeah, and ghosts existed (???), and (7) so did bone-sucking literal monsters (?????), (8) multiple people in his newfound life knew about all of this and were seemingly totally chill with it, and (9) this all happened over the course of a full moon week. Because of course it fucking did. Because (10): Winn’s life was a cosmic joke.

He’d scrawled out so many angry, sad, and/or confused letters to his packmates today, enough to put a small paper mill in business. Why had they left this (huge) detail out? Was it a big secret from even him? Was he not enough of a member of the pack to know. Had everything with them been a big joke? Or, worse: Did they also not know that vampires—and, really, how fucking Twilight of the universe—existed? That people could do literal magic. How could they not know—their families had been around since forever.

And, to Winn’s absolute credit, he had been extremely down with werewolves being a thing! His best friends were werewolves! They wanted him to become a werewolf too! This was all great! Oh, there were werewolf Hunters? Wild! But it was fine! He had friends, he had a pack, he could make it through. And then, ‘course, he had to go and kill one. A Hunter, dead in a pool of blood, blood that covered Winn and César, soaked into the wood of the fraternity house, staining it. Staining them, forever. Winn didn’t regret it—how could he, César was alive, the pack was alive. But he couldn’t forgive himself either—something had changed between all of them that day, they’d all grown up in ways that maybe they wouldn’t have had to if Winn could have just kept his dick in his fucking pants for one goddamn minute.

But here he was, middle of the woods, buck-ass naked, twenty-four cans of cheap beer, a tightly packed bowl, and a half empty bottle of Maker’s Mark in his system, waiting for the full moon to come out. Waiting for the only inevitable thing in this shitcan of a week. Maybe he’d die tonight. Wouldn’t that just be a perfect end to his week? But no. He couldn’t die here, not like this, not crossfaded and self-destructive. Right? They’d never forgive him. No, he’d let the wolf out, let the wolf run free as it could be, and then Winn could think about what the fuck this all meant in the morning. Could hunt down someone—Miles, maybe?—who could actually explain this shit to him. Winn could listen. Winn would listen. It would be fine. It had to be fine.

When the moon reared its beautiful, terrible head, Winn knew something was wrong. His transformation didn’t hurt so much as it felt unbearably numb, the usual stretch and snap of his bones replaced with a dim awareness of the pit in his heart, stronger than any physical pain. He needed to let the wolf fully take control, God. He didn’t want to be in the driver’s seat tonight, thanks. But the wolf… well, it didn’t seem too comfortable about the circumstances either, if Winn was bein’ honest. It growler a little lower, ran a little slower. But still, it ran. Padding through creeks, dancing in the moonlight, reveling in the small apocalypse that Winn had been through. The wolf didn’t care about fae, or witches, or vampires, or ghosts. (And, fuck, the wolf probably knew. Asshole.) It could just be, out here in the middle of nowhere—or at least, nowhere when anyone could see him, deep in the woods on the outskirts of White Crest. Only weighed down by Winn’s cares in the nominal sense, free to push them to the back of its mind, where Winn sat, chained to his own memories.

He didn’t pay any real attention to the world around him until he could sense dawn approaching, once again. It, too, was inevitable. But this time, unlike the previous month, there was no Miles to find him, to make him feel less alone. No new wolves had come upon him either, had fought and bit and rolled with him. Winn has alone and the wolf howled, desperate for his pack. Winn stopped in a small clearing, panting heavily. Wait. Where was he? He could smell his path from the place where he’d left his jeans, but he couldn’t smell any of the characteristics of his own patch of the forest. But still, it felt… familiar. He inhaled deeply, and smelled… people? Fuck, no. No, no, no. He couldn’t have gotten this close to the town. He twisted on the spot, head cocking left and right, trying to look for a landmark, for anything that would tell him how close he was to White Crest proper, how close he was to fucking up everything. Again. Always again, back to this, back to him. Him fucking up. (Could wolves have panic attacks? Was he having a panic attack?)

Winn didn’t see the bolt coming, not until it buried itself in his front-left shoulder, immediately painful, immediately burning him with its force, with its tip. The wolf—he—screamed. It was a Hunter, come to collect Winn’s debt. A debt he deserved to pay with his life. No. No. It was a Hunter. And Winn was the prey. He had to think like himself—like the wolf knew how to. Or else, he was dead. He was so, so dead. The bolt had been shot from above, based on the way it had lodged itself into Winn, that angle… from somewhere in the trees in this clearing. Pretty high, he hoped. And there was hope. The wolf would fight and bleed until its last, so Winn turned, fully at one with himself, and leapt back down the path towards his home, towards his tree, towards anything that would get him away. He thought—maybe—he had just enough time. He could get back to his jeans, find a spot to hide, escape certain death.

But every smack of his paws against the earth, every push downward into the dirt, was another surge of lightning and fire in his shoulder. Winn knew silver. Knew how it from that time, all those years ago, when a silver dagger had buried itself in his back, how the burn peeled away at your innards, rotting you from the inside. Knew it from the time he’d held that same dagger in his hand. Winn knew that, if left untreated, he wouldn’t live long enough to find out who the fuck had shot him. To eliminate the threat. Getting away wasn’t just a decision for his survival, it was now a race against the clock. Winn had to get to the tree, get his jeans, run back towards the hospital, against the dawn, all while trying not to let the Hunter find his path once he finally lost him.

He heard running water, and bolted towards it. He knew these woods, now, knew that there were old, waterlogged trees that wanted to fall, and die, that were trying to make way for new forest. He shoved himself against any tree that looked suspect, his nose telling him that the Hunter was still close on his tail. Another bolt zinged past Winn as he zig-zagged through the forest, and lodged itself in one such tree with a deadly thunk. Fuck. Fuck. The creek—please, fucking please be a wide section—was close now, the rush of water music to his ears. Was he going to get lucky this morning? If he lost the Hunter at the river, he could circle wide and get to his jeans, spiral back and out the hospital. He just needed one good distraction for the crazy person with the crossbow.

It appeared before him like a vision, like a hallucination brought on by the pain from the silver, but Winn knew that it wasn’t, knew that this was the tree that he needed to shove, to crack, to let fall in the Hunter’s path. And damn him, but Winn didn’t want to hit the bastard, just get in his way. The tree was big, a mess of tangled branches at the top and leaves still clinging on, but Winn could be bigger. He circled around the tree, precious seconds ticking by, and rammed his good shoulder into it. Crack. C’mon, c’mon. An arrow thunked into the tree. Fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck. Another slam, another shove, and the tree went tumbling down. Not directly, not straight into the Hunter’s face, but firm enough, deep enough, that it would cut him off. Winn hoped. Winn prayed. He didn’t want to die.

He bounded into the river, icy water soothing his spirit a little, even as he reminded himself that he had to keep going, and going, and that he couldn’t stop. Winn ran fast, only using his nose to gauge if the Hunter had been lost, but not slowing down for a second even when Winn confirmed, shit, thank fuck, he’d managed to lose the Hunter in his tree tricks. The last of the moon’s light was fading as the sun breached the sky, but Winn knew that he wouldn’t change back this time, not unless he was safe, not unless he wanted to. He came upon his hollowed tree, yanked his pants away from where he’d hung them and clenched them between his teeth as gently as he could manage. Hospital. Hospital, now.

A voice echoed in Winn’s ears: What’re you going to live for?

He didn’t know yet, but… he wanted to live. And so he ran.