#and also there exists at least 1 human being on this earth with 2 dicks and that's how they were oriented | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

lovelyirony · 5 years ago

Note

Hi! “If I fail, I’ll fall apart/Maybe it is all a test/because I feel like I’m the worst / so I always act like I’m the best” -Oh No! This is one of my favorite lyrics ever, and I'd really like to see what you bring out of it :) You're amazing, ily! 💞

what if maria had more of an effect on tony’s upbringing than most? howard’s still a dick but make it funny

Tony has known he was probably not the best human on earth ever since he was five and his dad made a bigger deal out of a dead man’s birthday than his own.

At age five, you don’t really know a lot about the world yet. There were about two things that Tony didn’t know that he wishes he did know:

1.) The word “fuck.” It would have helped with a lot of his situations.

2.) The concept of jealousy. He probably could have gone to a child therapist or some shit, he’s not sure if those even existed back then, or if his parents would have even let him go.

(After all, he’s supposed to be their perfect little boy, just the right amount of precocious and the other amount being something like genius or respectability.)

It is actually his mother who takes the reins on his life. Howard has effect, he has huge effects.

Maria is a socialite who absolutely refuses to let her son succumb to Howard’s devil-may-care attitude that he’s so infamous for. Her son is going to be well-mannered, respectable, and know exactly how to treat a lady of high social standing.

This involves training at a young age. Six would be a fine age.

It’s not Howard who sends him to boarding schools, it’s Maria. She ensures that he goes to the finest schools available, most abroad in Europe. She trains him out of the American accent, into something a bit more refined.

He spends summers learning different languages and different skills. He learns how to fence by the time he’s ten, and becomes quite proficient at it.

She quizzes him on established families, up-and-coming families, and never keeps him far from her sight.

Anthony Stark is not going to be a wild-child, she decides.

Anthony isn’t, for the most part. Sure, he usually stays up past what is acceptable for the night to work on some mechanic stuff and uses the word “damn” a bit too much for his mother’s liking, but that’s the reason make-up and apologies were invented.

He follows rules and is known to smile like his mother and enjoy listening to quartets play out in the open air during the summer months. He travels to Europe and participates in various activities and is the talk of many socialites who eagerly await his arrival.

He’s a portrait, holding still for all’s approval, and he’s not quite sure how to move.

That’s troublesome, he thinks.

The problem is this: Anthony Stark doesn’t have any interests outside what is required. He loves working on inventions, and they are necessary for the company to survive, but his father hates any robotic invention he pushes for, and mother thinks that if he tells people he’s rather fond of AC/DC then he’s a plague to society and will be shunned.

(He doesn’t say it to her face but they haven’t shunned Sunset yet, and she’s a whole world of problems, so rock music is the least of their problems.)

There is one thing that he pushes for: university in the United States. He’s been traveling to Europe since he was a child, and he honestly needs to do something for himself.

Maria is not pleased.

“So after I sacrifice so much for you, this is how you repay me?” she asks him over dinner.

He places his fork to the correct side.

“Yes. This is how I am repaying you. By getting a perfectly respectable college degree from a critically-acclaimed university that anyone would be lucky to attend. Not to mention it might reflect badly on Stark Industries if I don’t go to an American college. Do I not trust American institutions to run an American business?”

“You shouldn’t.”

Anthony laughs.

“Mother, they cannot teach me anything that Europe can’t. Let me go to college in the United States. Please.”

“No.”

It takes Howard to convince her, and a.) Howard doesn’t even like Anthony that much, and b.) he also doesn’t like his wife that much.

“He’s going to a damned college here, Maria. We don’t need him to go to any more of that fancy bullshit you call school over there.”

“Fancy bullshit, Howard?! Bullshit?! You mean what has gotten him this far in life and will make him a better man of social standing than you?”

“My god, is social standing all that matters to you? What are your little friends going to do, choke on their silver spoons when they find out that your son is going to an American college?”

Jarvis also convinces her.

“It will be easier to monitor his progress from a shorter distance,” he advises. “And you can visit frequently.”

Anthony gives him a very dirty look. Apparently, he wasn’t supposed to mention that.

Oops.

But, Anthony gets his way. He’s going to MIT, and he has a roommate.

(Okay, so mother doesn’t know that. But he supposes she will if she ever visits. Or maybe not considering if Tony can successfully convince his roommate to “disappear” for at least a day.)

Rhodey does not give a singular shit about high society anything or anyone. Anthony Stark is a name he registers, but doesn’t recognize.

“Anthony’s a mouthful,” he says a week into their cohabitation. “You have a nickname or something?”

“Ah...no? I mean, not yet,” Anthony says.

“How do you feel about Tony?”

“I...I suppose that that is alright.”

“Are you from Europe?”

“No, from New York.”

“Well holy shit, you sure as fuck don’t sound like it.”

Anthony--well, Tony now--learns quite a bit about American schooling and what he’s actually supposed to be doing to pass off as normal.

Rhodey (yeah he got a nickname that ended in ‘y’ too, Tony said he wouldn’t be the only one) takes him to the thrift store and tells him to pick out some clothes.

“...there’s a shirt that’s advertising a restaurant from Montana.”

“And? Does it look hilarious?”

“Is that the point of this?”

“Fashion is supposed to make you like what you’re wearing or like yourself. I swear if you say that those boring black suits make you feel better about yourself, I will be dragging you to any therapist that will take us for at least five dollars.”

“Five dollars?”

“Maybe less if I can negotiate.”

“Hey!”

Tony learns how to have fun. He loves it.

Rhodey makes him go to record stores and find the bargain bin, and they play the warped records and laugh as voices go up and down in pitch. Tony blasts Black Sabbath and Iron Maiden until the RA begs him to go to bed and Rhodey throws all of his pillows off of his bed.

In return, Tony teaches Rhodey how to read other’s facial expressions, dress for any occasion and be the best-looking there, as well as avoiding any sort of conflict by bringing up past embarrassments.

“Are you serious about the color of my shoe affecting my social standing?” Rhodey asks, trying to shove his foot into a shoe that was a brown color that Tony had described as a “golden mahogany.”

“Yes, I’m dead serious.”

“No fucking wonder everyone says eat the rich all of you are so fucking pretentious. It’s brown, Tony.”

“Tell that to any high society woman over fifty.”

“I will.”

As it turns out, he ends up doing it much sooner than anticipated.

Tony’s parents come to visit.

They call him Anthony. Which is gross. Rhodey hasn’t used the name “Anthony” in about six months.

“I wasn’t aware that you were his roommate,” his mother says.

“Well, here I am,” Rhodey says. “Name’s also on the information they sent out to the parents about the living situations.”

Tony tenses as his parents brush off the obvious comment on how little they actually know about his situation and move right into the room.

Maria stops at the huge poster of a rock band.

“I assume that this is...James’?”

“No,” he says timidly. “It’s...it’s mine. Their use of movement on the guitar strings-”

“Take it down,” Maria demands. “It’s unsightly.”

“Oh give the kid a break,” Howard says tiredly. “For once he’s not listening to you talk about the merits of paisley prints.”

“I’m training our son for a more successful life than yours,” Maria hisses. “Of course, you’d have to stay away from your friend Jack to understand that.”

“Rhodey, leave,” Tony says. “Trust me, it gets messier from here.”

He does think about it. How easy it would be to walk out and check in with a couple of his other friends and talk about how crazy Tony’s parents are. How he could check back in near dinner time and then Tony could tell him all about how terribly it went.

But Tony already looks terrible, and he’s doing that weird thing with his hands where he wrings them and then remembers he’s not supposed to wring them and makes it worse.

“No,” Rhodey says. “I am staying until the bitter end. Who knows? Maybe I can give your mom a heart attack when I ask her the difference between kelly and forest green.”

Tony grins.

“You can leave any time, it’s about to get...interesting.”

Tony’s family is quite dysfunctional. They can put on a good front in public, for what it’s worth.

Howard is impressed that Rhodey’s planning on going into the Air Force and then talks about Captain America for a lot of the dinner. Rhodey is very uncomfortable and then asks about business and Maria rolls her eyes and orders another glass of wine.

After Howard finishes up talking about some contract and making vague threats against businesses that Rhodey thinks might actually be in trouble, it’s Maria’s turn.

“So, Rhodey, where is your family from?”

“We live in the Boston area,” Rhodey answers.

“And what do your parents do?”

“Dad works as a consultant for a local construction company, and my mom works as a high school history teacher. They both like their jobs.”

“Hm,” Maria remarks, and it’s so light and casual and yet so cutting. Tony can see how Rhodey squirms, and he can’t just let it stand.

It’s one thing for Maria to cut her own son down until he’s nothing. Still fucked up, but Tony can handle it. He’s been handling it for years.

“Rhodey, how did your mom come to want to know she liked teaching?” Tony asks. “That sounds like it could be really hard to figure out.”

“Oh, well it all started when she was in high school and wanted to change how one of her teachers treated students. It was a really inspiring moment for her.”

“That sounds really cool,” Tony says. “What does she like most about her job?”

“Probably the kids,” Rhodey says.

The conversation carries on about Rhodey’s family until their dinner arrives and his mother manages to cut in with more questions.

“So, what else does your mother do?”

“She volunteers at the local food kitchen and helps some of the younger kids at the after-school program,” Rhodey answers. “She also makes a mean Thanksgiving turkey.”

“Would you look at that,” Tony says. “Mrs. Rhodes sounds like a fine cook, I wish I could say the same for you, mother.”

“Oh?”

Howard actually laughs at that as he signs for the bill.

“The kid is right, Maria. At some points I think your kitchen is only used for decoration.”

“Oh, and you know how to cook, Mr. Stark?” Maria asks, raising her eyebrows. “I’d love to see you make anything other than coffee.”

“I’ll make toast.”

Rhodey laughs, and so does Tony.

“Ready to go?” Tony asks, and part of it is a way to get away from an isolated conversation, and part of it is to make his parents leave for their hotel room sooner.

“Tony, I want to have a talk with you before we retire for the night,” Maria says, and Tony tenses up.

Rhodey can’t protect him from that, and he squeezes Tony’s hand as they walk behind his parents.

“It’ll be okay,” he whispers.

“Maybe,” Tony says. “Maybe.”

Rhodey goes into their building, and Howard waits in the car. He nods to Tony on his way out.

“You’ve...changed,” mother says.

“Well, that’s how humanity goes,” Tony says dryly, looking anywhere but her eyes.

“Rock music? These snappish remarks towards your own mother? I don’t know if this college was such a good idea.”

“It is,” Tony says. “I just...learned new things and incorporated it into my life. Nothing the matter with that.”

“Nothing wrong with that?” Maria reiterates, surprised look on her face. “Rock music is for other people, you know things that others don’t know! You can perform violin and piano, you don’t have to listen to the personal manifestation of a headache!”

“And if I like that headache?!” Tony asks. “If I like something that’s outside of what you approve, why so angry about it? Is it because you finally can’t control every single aspect about my identity? Is it because I’m not like your perfect little toy that you can make walk and talk how you like?”

“You know it’s not that.”

“Isn’t it?” Tony asks. “Because you want me to change every single interest that I’ve found I like by myself. I bet you want me to listen to Bach for fun.”

“I do not want you to change from who you are,” Maria says. “You have eaten at the finest restaurants in the world and now you brag about making something called ramen in a microwave. A microwave?!”

“A surprising amount of families in America have them,” Tony says. “And I’m a college student! I’m supposed to eat crappy food and then laugh about it in twenty years!”

Maria turns red, and her lips screw up into a tight line.

“I don’t think you should be here,” Maria says. “You’re forgetting your place. Your roommate is...”

“My roommate is what,” Tony starts, glaring at her. “My roommate is what, mother? You want to honestly finish that sentence?”

“He’s not good enough!” she yells at him. “You are a Stark!”

Tony stares at her for a moment. And then another moment.

“Leave,” he says. “Get the hell out of here.”

“You don’t tell me-”

“I do,” Tony says, using his full height to his advantage. “You can tell me how many times I’ve fucked up as many times as you want, but you never talk about James that way ever again.”

He twists on his heel, forcefully opening the door to the dormitory and not once looking back.

Rhodey finds Tony back in his room when he gets back from getting ready for the night, and Tony is clutching a pillow and laying face down on the bed.

“You know, you’ll have to turn over eventually to get some fresh air.”

“Leave me to die, Rhodey. Oh my god.”

“That bad?”

“That bad. She’s probably going to try and put me in a prestigious college or some shit.”

“Oof. Wanna fake your death and run away?”

“Please.”

“Well, too bad. I have a test next week, and you need to do your poetry notes.”

“But poetry sucks.”

“It only sucks because you don’t like modern poetry, suck it up and pull it out of your ass or something.”

“Ugh, fine.”

Maria is trying very hard to get her son away from MIT and towards a fancy school in Europe. She doesn’t even care where, just away from his roommate and his classic rock posters and the dormitory. Anthony needs an environment where he can focus on networking, meeting more people.

Howard says no.

He can’t even bother to remember her son’s birthday, and he says “no.”

“We need Anthony to go to an American school, and nothing is better besides maybe Cal Tech, and he’ll have to finish another year of college and Hammer Industries can use that as a sign of an unsteady heir.”

“Well then get rid of his roommate.”

“I’m not doing that, you’re asking for a PR death sentence.”

“He’s a bad influence.”

“No he’s not,” Howard says tiredly. “The kid is finally standing up for himself, and you hate that.”

“I don’t hate that he can be his own person.”

“You just wish he were his own person under your specifications,” Howard drawls. “He’s staying at MIT, that’s final.”

“Hmph.”

Howard rolls his eyes.

“Go back to planning whatever charity gala you’re hosting this week, honey. I’m sure things will be fine.”

Maria doesn’t speak against her husband, just fumes and decides she’s going to try to get Jarvis’ opinion.

Edwin is also a flat no.

“He will not forgive you if you do this,” he says, pouring her tea and adding in one sugar cube. “He loves his school, he talks about it all the time.”

“And what, he calls you?”

Edwin Jarvis realizes he shouldn’t have mentioned this.

“At times, madam. At times. Will that be all?”

“...that will be all.”

Jarvis does bring up a good point. Besides her, of course, he knows Anthony best, even if he does keep calling him Tony. Anthony will grow out of that nickname soon enough.

She has hope for her boy. He will most likely grow out of this silly little phase in life and finally appreciate her lessons.

Tony Stark doesn’t.

Well, he learns her lessons. Can appreciate some of them and how much he hates that he uses them.

But he learns a far more important lesson from Rhodey, and it shapes everything:

“You’re your own person, and you’re far better as your own person,” Rhodey says. “I wanted to kick the shit out of you when we first lived together.”

“You did?”

“Of course I did!” Rhodey explains, gesturing with his coffee mug and getting yet another stain on the pillow. (Laundry again. Ugh.) “You talked like you were from a movie from the forties, it sucked.”

“Oh, you mean the transatlantic accent?”

“It’s pretentious, just ditch it. You’re interesting enough to listen to on your own. I listen to you talk about how much you hate Picasso sculpture, don’t I?”

“You do,” Tony admits.

“So then be yourself. Use what your mom taught you sometimes, but otherwise don’t.”

“You sure?”

“Of course I’m sure, I’m a fucking genius.”

Tony snorts.

“Okay, Mr. ‘I Forgot to Run the Dishes Again.’”

“I already said I was sorry!”

Tony takes Rhodey’s advice into account when he walks into any board room. He wears the worst possible shoes with every single suit, usually uses all sorts of cultural references that fly over the old board members’ heads.

He does things his way. It’s unconventional, it’s unpredictable, and it earns him a reputation.

He’s in an interview in a suit and patterned tie (patterned with tiny robots), and the woman is smiling in a plastic way on the other side.

“Now, a lot of people are saying you’re taking the business world by storm with your unconventional methods and personality. What helped you formulate this, your father?”

“Oh god no,” Tony says, laughing. “He’d probably curse me to hell and back for even wearing this tie. My mother would drag me back down to hell again for this.”

“Then who helped you with this?”

“Rhodey, who else?” Tony asks. “He always gives the best advice, even if I’ll deny that about fifteen minutes later. He really is the reason that I’m who I am today.”

“Seems like a great guy.”

“He is. He always is,” Tony says with a grin. “Except, of course, when he doesn’t fold his laundry, that bastard.”

The interviewer laughs and moves on, but Tony smiles to himself.

He doesn’t have to be the best, he just has to be Rhodey’s. That’s all that matters.

#lovelyirony writes #maria stark #howard stark #tony stark #rhodey #ironhusbands #kind of #i'm hinting at it and i didn't outright rlly say shit but y'all know me so you should know this #anyways tony DOES develop his own personality and rhodey hates him for like three months

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bewaretheidesofmarchyall · 4 years ago

Text

Dream SMP Good Omens AU

I wrote a Good Omens AU! It’s on AO3 here, but I’m also posting it here

Sixteen years before the apocalypse, three babies were dropped off on the doorstep of an orphanage. Two of them were human as human can be, while the third was prophesied to bring about the great war between heaven and hell, start the apocalypse, and just have a generally fun time.

How exactly did the antichrist get left on a doorstep on a rainy night?

A few hours before

Our journey starts in a graveyard, where Baby No. 1 was found.

Now, when I say "Baby No. 1", know that I mean the great destroyer, future doom of the world, bringer of death, currently wrapped in a fluffy blue blanket in a wicker basket, etc.

He glanced around at the tombstones almost judgmentally, as though to say I don't think this is where one-day-old children go, but hey, I don't know enough about existence to dispute this.

The wicker basket remained tucked away in the graveyard for a while, a few drops of rain gently falling down. Apparently, the poor weather was what Baby No. 1's escort was looking for, as he appeared as the mist began to gather.

Wilbur Soot always had a penchant for dramatic atmosphere.

Quite a few lords of hell would call Wilbur the worst demon ever to walk the pit. This was absolutely untrue. Wilbur was a fairly mediocre demon that happened to be walking the pit, but certainly not the worst, putting that stupid fiddle contest bet aside.

The gossip-mongers would only say things like that (and other, harsher things) because Wilbur had been one of the best fallen angels to ever swear vengeance on a broken sword.

But it's frankly hard to keep up an emo phase for 6,000 years.

He strolled over to the basket, checked to make sure that there was still a baby in it, and waited impatiently for the thing's ride to arrive. Technically, he was supposed to be the one driving the antichrist to St. Beryl's Orphanage, but he had tickets to see Heathers that night and decided to use that most clever trick: Getting someone else to do his work instead.

Still, he didn't have much trust in the guy he'd asked, and wanted to make sure that the child actually got from the graveyard to the car.

It was already five minutes past the scheduled time, and the weather was terrible, and he was fine with starting the end of days, but why did he have to work overtime? At least Schlatt wasn't here to laugh at him being on babysitting duty.

Almost on cue, a raspy laugh came from the shadows of the church in the center of the graveyard. Ugh. Speak of the angel.

Almost everyone would call JSchlatt the worst angel to ever wear a suit.

And they would be absolutely right.

He had no care for heaven, or the great war, or any sort of noble deed. The only predictable thing about him was his biting snark and the ever-present stink of cheap alcohol.

When he entered a room, everyone there knew that they would soon regret not keeping him out by any means necessary, and he knew that they knew, and he enjoyed that.

The greatest miracle ever performed in all of earthly and non-earthly history was that he hadn't been thrown out of heaven by his horns yet.

"Are you on babysitting duty, Wilbur?". Wilbur crossed his arms, trying and failing to hide the annoyance on his face. He could have had a cool arch-nemesis, but no. He was stuck with this dick.

"Laugh all you like, Schlatt-"

"Oh, trust me, I am."

"But once the child reaches 16, he's going to bring about the finale of this pathetic excuse for an earth".

Okay, so maybe he wasn't entirely rid of that emo phase. Schlatt looked at him, smug.

"Whatever you say, Soot. Hey, did the lower-downs tell you who's watching over your little finale?"

"I am. I'm watching over the antichrist, being a "corrupting influence" (whatever that means), that sort of thing."

"Well, my higher-ups had a similar idea. They seem to think that if the kid is nudged in the right direction, he'll start the apocalypse and fight on heaven's side. Bla bla bla, defeating Satan and/or Slimecicle, honestly I zoned out during the briefing. Long story short, they thought the kid needed a positive role model, and my name got picked.".

The idea of "positive role model" and "Schlatt" being considered at all similar rattled Wilbur enough that it took a few seconds for the implications to sink in.

"Oh, no."

"Oh, yes. We're going to be neighbors!"

"No, no, no, no-"

"Isn't this exciting?". Wilbur barely restrained a scream, and only shuddered in horror. Before he could lose what was left of his sanity and discorporate anyone, a car horn beeped. It's about time.

He half walked, half sprinted over to the black car. The window cranked open, revealing a nervous foxlike face.

The general consensus was that Fundy was too mediocre of a demon to be worth any notice.

He'd never been seen doing anything appropriately horrible or failed spectacularly, so according to most of hell he didn't exist.

In truth, Fundy was about to prove tonight that he was much worse of a demon than they thought.

"Sorry I'm late, I forgot I cursed a major highway, and then I had to drive on that highway to get here, and-"

"Just take the kid.". The basket was passed to Fundy, who looked at it with fear and wonder.

Baby No. 1 didn't look like an antichrist (I mean, he was the only antichrist at this point and could only look like himself, but he didn't look like how one would expect an antichrist to look). He just looked like any one-day-old baby. Fundy tried to disguise how grateful he was about that. Maybe, just maybe, the plan could work.

He looked back up to Wilbur.

"So, what was the important demonic business?"

"Hmm?"

"I mean, you said you had "important demonic business", and that's why you couldn't drive the kid yourself."

"Ah, yes. That important demonic business. Well, Fundy, that's for me to know and you to not know.". Wilbur shifted, hiding the Heathers tickets in his coat sleeve.

"Enjoy your drive!". With that, he teleported away from the graveyard. Schlatt shrugged, and continued eating protein powder out of the jar.

-----------

Fundy drove like a maniac down the highway, swerving off the road to avoid the cursed-induced traffic.

He'd pulled off hundreds of scams before, but they were all on the humans. He'd never scammed the forces of heaven and hell simultaneously before. He was pretty sure that was called "treason". Which was punishable by death if he got caught. This is the worst idea of my entire fucking existence.

As he sped down the road regretting his life choices, rain pouring down on the windshield, his co-conspirator teleported into the passenger seat.

"Hey, you ready to do something illegal?"

The executives in heaven had no idea what to make of Quackity.

They could hardly call him the worst angel when there was Schlatt running about drunk off his ass, and he was even good at his job most of the time. Even now, the executives couldn't quite pin down a time he'd directly broken a rule.

However, he had a habit of taking the rulebook, shaking it out, finding whatever loopholes existed, and using them to do whatever he pleased.

There wasn't a rule saying he couldn't wear yeezys and sunglasses to important board meetings.

There wasn't a rule saying that he couldn't try to seduce the archangels, that was implied at best.

And there wasn't a rule saying that he couldn't get attached to the human world. The higher-ups had never considered that anyone would, so it hadn't been written down in the paperwork.

Their mistake.

Here was the truth: Quackity didn't want the apocalypse to happen. If you spend 6,000 years in any place, how can you not care about it? Sure, humans are there and gone in the blink of an eye, but the things they make to show they were here can stay for centuries.

He knew too much history about the place to just stand back and let it get set on fire.

So, he'd searched through all of heaven for a collaborator. There was no one willing to help him there, their reactions ranging from "I'd love to help, but I don't want to get hellfire poured on my face" to "If you're insinuating what I think you are, I'll turn you in to get hellfire poured on your face".

So, he took the escalator down to the basement. It took him a while to find someone, even there, but eventually he met a familiar fox-faced demon, and a plan was hatched.

Why did Fundy join in on a dangerous scheme like this one?

Attention, mostly. Humans were the only ones to really acknowledge his existence, even if it was almost all negative attention. Which was fair. He did steal their things a lot.

"Ready as I'll ever be, I guess."

"Great.". Quackity looked into the basket containing Baby No.1, breathed a sigh of relief that he looked like a normal human, and revealed a cardboard box. Inside the cardboard box was Baby No. 2, wrapped in a green blanket.

When I say "Baby No. 2", know that I mean a quiet mortal child with wisps of light blond hair, born to a regular human that didn't want him.

"I found him on the side of the road.". The two of them sat in silence for a while at that, before Fundy brought up the plan again.

"So, we drop them both at St. Beryl's."

"Yeah."

"And then they think that this kid is the antichrist, and the antichrist is the kid."

"Yeah."

"And our bosses try to raise the kid and sway them to the dark side or whatever, while we raise the antichrist and keep them from destroying the world."

"Yeah."

"Um. Quick question."

"Yeah?"

"If we're putting them both on the doorstep at the same time, how do we know they won't think the antichrist is the antichrist and the kid is the kid?"

"....I didn't think about that.”. They pondered the problem together. Eventually, Fundy conjured a sharpie and wrote "antichrist, this side up" on the side of the cardboard box in bold letters.

"That should work. Also, you need to stop teleporting into my car while it's moving. You could fuse with the seats, and that would suck to clean up."

And so, Baby No. 1 and Baby No. 2 were dropped off on the doorstep of St. Beryl's Orphanage. It was harder than expected to say goodbye to Baby No. 2, but they managed.

The duo was somewhat confused by the third baby on the doorstep, who hadn't been put there by any of them, and actually just so happened to be dropped off at the wrong orphanage at the wrong time.

Baby No. 3 was in a red blanket, and when I say "Baby No. 3", know that I mean a human child that was currently doing what he would be doing for much of his life: Screaming at the top of his lungs.

It is assumed that he was born to humans since he was one, but the kid could have been dropped off by a galaxy for all we know.

All that we need to know is that fate had not favored Baby No. 3, and that would continue for a while.

And so, three babies were dropped off on the doorstep of an orphanage, sixteen years before the apocalypse.

--------

Quite a few people (and things that at least looked like people) were excited about this. It was supposed to be a secret that the antichrist was at St. Beryl's Orphanage, so obviously everyone from purgatory to Portland had heard the news.

The lobby was jam-packed with a few demons with extremely good disguises, far more demons with very bad disguises, a mafia-style group of angels, another mafia-style group of angels but they were pretending to be a book club for some convoluted reason, a few very lost ghosts who didn't even want to be there in the first place, the man who was going to burn the orphanage to the ground in a couple of hours, the dread Charlie Slimecicle, hassled orphanage staff, and, notably, the owners of two motorcycles in the parking lot.

The two motorcycles were a sickly hospital white and an empty-seeming black respectively, and their riders were lowkey famous (not that they liked to brag about it or anything).

Any and all apocalypse enthusiasts knew their names (or at least their titles), and once they met up with two more friends Doomsday would truly be underway.

But that party wouldn't be started for another sixteen years.

For now, only two out of the set of four were gathered, and tonight was less about the apocalypse than the drama and firsthand gossip to get. They sat in the corner, watching the chaos unfold with reflective eyes.

-----------

Now, someone would eventually have to adopt these babies. The antichrist would have to grow up among the mortals, and St. Beryl's Orphanage was always more of an apocalypse creating scheme than an orphanage to begin with, so they would have to find some unwitting soul to take Baby No. 2 and Baby No. 3 soon.

Thankfully for everyone involved, three humans that showed up that day ready to adopt, with varying degrees of dread.

The first was a man seemingly in his late thirties, wearing a green coat that could almost be considered a cloak.

The second was a young adult with sunglasses and an almost royal quality about them.

And the third was a sweet-looking young woman in a soft striped sweater, who clutched an ancient book tightly under her arm.

They were quickly hustled through the lobby by the head of the orphanage, who tried her best to keep anyone in the group from seeing anything odd happening around them (Which is a bit of a challenge when certain demons think that a fake mustache from a corner store is enough to look completely non-supernatural).

She rushed around from the tiny waiting room with the potential parents to the room with the babies to the stampede outside, internally wishing that she'd done what she'd planned in college and been a therapist instead of running an orphanage/doomsday cult.

All of the humans in the waiting room were understandably confused, but their questions were unheeded.

The three of them sat in silence for several minutes. When it became clear that no one would be coming to check on them, small talk was attempted.

Names were learned (The first parent went by the name Philza, while the second was named Eret, and the third Niki), the weather thoroughly discussed, and finally, the conversation turned to the inevitable:

"So, why are you here?". The question was asked by Eret, who seemed genuinely curious. Phil looked down from the clock he'd been watching, annoyed.

"To adopt a child. Why else?"

"I figured that, but what led you here? You don't have to answer if you don't want to, I'm just trying to break the silence.". Phil continued staring at the wall, preparing his words.

Half an hour before

"You want me to what?"

Phil had been driving home when he got the call. If he really had a say in the matter, he would have sent that to voicemail in two seconds flat, but his caller wasn't the kind of person you could hang up on ("person" wasn't even accurate to him). The rain was falling down on the windshield, the traffic was abysmal, and apparently he was supposed to adopt a child.

"Listen, with all due respect, I owe you nothing anymore. I don't have to do missions for you, I don't have to kill for you, and I especially don't have to take care of a baby for sixteen years for you.". He nodded along as the other side of the call said his bit, before responding.

"Sixteen years is quick? Maybe to the likes of you it's quick, for me it's actually a sizeable chunk of time! I don't care that I have to 'just keep him alive-'". He was cut off, and he waited impatiently for his chance to speak again, which he got.

"You and I have gone our separate ways. Me and Technoblade are both in retirement, and there's no way in hell I'm adopting a child. That's my final word.".

The voice on the other side of the call spoke how he usually did: Methodical, calm, devoid of mercy. Mentioning Techno had been a mistake, and the conversation eased into detailed and pointed threats. Finally, he gave up.

"If I do this, you'll finally leave me and Techno alone?". An affirmative answer. Phil sighed, already weary of the experience.

"Fine. Screw you, but fine. I'll take your stupid project."

Current

Phil folded his arms, a scowl on his face.

"I'm just very paternal."

For some reason, Eret doubted that, but they nodded anyway.

"I decided I wanted to adopt a few months ago. I mean, I have the money for it, and there are so many kids without parents. I think I just wanted to do something about it, and try to give some kid a good childhood.". They laughed quietly under their breath.

"Sometimes I feel like something else put the idea in my head.". Phil and Eret looked towards Niki, expecting her to speak. She held her book close to her, fingers drumming on the cover.

"I've known for a while that I was going to adopt a baby today. St. Beryl's Orphanage, April 1st, the year I turn 19."

"How did you know?". Niki opened the book, re-reading the same familiar page.

"It's just fate."

-----------

Meanwhile, the two horsemen of the apocalypse were tired of just watching.

If they stayed any longer without doing anything, this trip wouldn't be worth the motorcycle fuel.

They rose from the seats in unison and slipped casually into the baby room. The head of the orphanage had been slumped against the wall, exhausted. However, when the duo entered the room, she leapt to her feet.

"Excuse me, no demons, no angels, nothing dead or dying, no refunds, no Charlie, and no one I don't want here is allowed in this room!". The one cloaked in black stepped forward, hands raised in a pacifying gesture and a kind smile on his face.

"Well, I'm none of those things! My name's BadBoyHalo, but most people are kind of formal and call me Famine.". That last bit of the sentence was accompanied by a sheepish eye roll, as though to say I know it's silly, but I can't help being well-known.

"My friend over there is George. What's your name?". The head of the orphanage tried very hard to feel suspicious. There were two strangers in the most important room there, she should have her guard up as far as possible. Yet, for some reason, she couldn't feel any distrust for the Famine in front of her.

"My name is Puffy. Why are you here?"

"Us? We're just here for a look. Right, George?". George hadn't really been interested in the conversation, although it was hard to tell what he was thinking about behind his white sunglasses. He raised his head, looking bored.

"Yeah. Sure.".

Puffy could see several concerning things about letting two horsemen of the apocalypse take a quick look at the antichrist, but she couldn't quite think clearly.

She tried to focus on the current situation, but all she could think about was how much she wanted a good night's sleep, and a vacation, and a different life. Bad's smile remained constant, cheerful and understanding.

"Is this the job you want, Puffy?". She shook her head, eyes glassy.

"When I was a kid, I wanted to be a hero. Help out people who needed helping. I really have no idea how I got here.". Bad nodded.

"Well, Puffy, you seem tired. There's a lot of muffin-heads outside making a racket, and it seems like a lot to deal with. If you want to just go upstairs and take a quick nap, we can handle things for you!". Puffy quietly agreed and walked out of the room in a daze. Already, she could tell something was wrong, but she felt sapped of the strength to care.

As her head hit the pillow, she made a vow to herself that if she came back and the kids were harmed in any way, she'd personally bring hell to their doorsteps.

-----------

"Bad, did you seriously hypnotize a woman so you could hold a baby?"

"Not just a baby, George! Three babies!"

"That makes it much better, yes.”

"You're just upset that they like me more.". Bad bounced around the babies, cooing over them.

"Who's the cutest little antichrist? Who's the tiniest omen of doom? You are!". He picked up Baby No. 2 and tapped his nose.

"Boop!". George stood there quietly.

"He's going to be mad if he finds out we came here."

"Exactly, if he finds out. Besides, he needs us."

"I know he needs me. You, on the other hand, are kind of on thin ice."

"Calm yourself. Hold a baby.". Bad picked up Baby No. 2 from his box, where antichrist: this side up was clearly visible, and handed him to George. George held the green-blanketed baby, staring intently into his eyes.

Baby No. 3 started screaming once more, and Bad ran over to pick him up and shush him.

"Aww, it's okay. You're not going to die for another 16 years, you have nothing to scream about now!". Baby No. 3 seemed to take in his words for a few seconds, before shrieking even louder.

The door was flung open by the ominous angelic book club, who tried to shove their way to the child in George's arms. Bad sighed, exasperated, and shifted into a more monstrous form.

"Seems like I have to do some security work. Can you hold this one too?". Without waiting for an answer, he passed Baby No. 3 to George and walked out into the hallway, using his hollow iron scales to push otherworldly paparazzi aside.

After the first act of Heathers, Wilbur slipped out of the theater. It wasn't a particularly good production, and he didn't see the point in staying.

He decided that if he wasn't going to do anything else, he should probably teleport to St. Beryl's and do his job.

The orphanage was even more chaotic than before, and he had to light one or two minor demons on fire to clear his way.

Finally, he reached the room with the antichrist. The room was mostly empty, except for one basket in the corner, and a familiar stranger holding two babies and panicking slightly.

The stranger turned to face Wilbur, and he realized who he was speaking to. He'd never met a horseman of the apocalypse before, but he'd heard of their reputations and seen them from afar.

"Pestilence. Pleasure to meet you.". Pestilence leaned nonchalantly in the doorway with a smile, which was quite a feat for someone holding two sobbing children.

"Please, call me George."

"George. Interesting name, for someone with your position."

“What's wrong with it?"

"It's fine, your colleagues have just mostly had ridiculous names. I mean, who in their right mind names themself Sapnap? No offense, don't discorporate me."

"Well, relatively speaking, I'm pretty new to the job. Stick around another 500 years, and who knows what will happen?"

"With your name, or with discorporating me?"

"Both, I guess.". Wilbur checked his pocket watch (it had been broken sometime in the 1910s, and he hadn't had the time to get it fixed, but he still liked the idea of checking a pocket watch).

"Fun as this conversation is, I was thinking that I should be the one to deliver the child to his parent.". George opened his mouth, probably to say no, but the sound of the babies crying increased. He stopped, irritated, and nodded.

"Why not? It's not like I actually work here."

"Excellent. Just give me the antichrist, and I'll be out of your hair. Unless you want to meet up again after this-"

"I'm good."

"Alright.". George held Baby No. 2 and Baby No. 3 side by side, as if weighing them. He titled his head from the child wrapped in a green blanket to the child wrapped in a red blanket. Finally, he handed the one in red to Wilbur.

"I'm pretty sure this is the antichrist. I'm a bit colorblind.". The sentence was accompanied by an airy laugh and a small grin, and Wilbur smiled back before leaving the room with Baby No. 3.

-----------

Phil was going to murder him.

The guy couldn't die, but he was going to murder him anyway. Of all the petty things, he had to threaten Philza and his loved ones just for him to sit in a room for hours for absolutely no reason.

Was this that creature's sick idea of a prank?

Five seconds before he was going to storm out, agreement be damned, there was a polite knock on the door. He got up to open it, and Baby No. 3 lay on the floor, silent and peacefully sleeping for the first time in his short existence.

Phil shrugged, deciding not to question it.

He gently picked the baby up from the ground, and headed home.

(If he'd been looking more intently, he would have noticed 1) A certain demon sitting cross-legged on the ceiling, having decided that he probably shouldn't come face to face with someone he was supposed to spy on, and 2) His closest friend hiding behind a newspaper in the lobby, ready for some good old fashioned arson).

-----------

Anyway, once the antichrist was safely adopted (or so they thought), all that was left was to find a place to put all of these bonus babies. George picked up Baby No. 1 and Baby No. 2, and headed for the waiting room, where Eret and Niki regarded each other as friends already.

Unfortunately, Quackity decided that he had some meddling left in him for the evening, and he decided to make sure everything was going according to plan. He teleported into the orphanage seamlessly, folding his wings into his coat and looking over his sunglasses.

George strolled into the waiting room.

"Pick a child, any child. I don't have all day.". Eret tilted their head in confusion.

"Isn't there paperwork, or an application process, or something official we're supposed to-"

"Do you want the kid or not?". Niki reached for Baby No. 2, and Eret shrugged and took Baby No. 1.

Quackity watched the process take place through the keyhole.

This seemed alright. They both seemed like non-horrible humans, and he'd be fine watching over either of them for the 16 years. Then, he noticed the book under the young woman's arm.

The Nice and Accurate Prophecies of Agnes Nutter, Witch. First edition, which should be impossible, unless she's some kind of descendant. And I'm not dealing with lying to a witch.

He tried to remember which kid was the actual antichrist and which was the fraud.

The green one and the blue one were both important. The blue one was the fake, and the green one was the real deal, right? Or was the green one the fake, and the blue one fake? Wasn't there a red one at one point? Fuck.

At the last moment, Quackity decided that he couldn't just stand still and risk it. He did the first thing that came to mind and killed the lights.

The lightbulbs exploded, leaving everyone in darkness. In the chaos, he telekinetically switched the babies.

Alright. No witches today, thanks. I'll just follow the other one home from afar, and everything will be fine.

----------

Later that night, when the orphanage was almost empty, a man set his newspaper aside and crept through the building.

He lit Molotov cocktails with precision and chucked them wherever a fireball seemed needed. Flames weren't his usual method of destruction, but he had to get creative sometimes.

His plan had been slowed down by Phil showing up at this "orphanage", but once he left the game was back on.

If anyone wanted to start the apocalypse and take away everything the two of them had worked for, they'd have to go through Technoblade.

The entire building was consumed and burnt to the ground. The arson case would remain unsolved, like most of his work, and Techno hadn't seen any potential casualties that would make people want to investigate.

Sadly, there was one person left in the building when it burned, and she couldn't wake up from her dreams of the sea and a sword in her hands to smell the smoke.

----------

Wilbur followed Philza home unnoticed, disguised as wisps of shadow and cigarette ash.

In lieu of a cradle, Phil temporarily arranged a drawer as a bed for Baby No. 3 and set him down. Once the baby seemed safe and calm, he left to collapse on the couch.

Wilbur frowned. Where's his name? Names were important. They could be bargained with, broken, foretell fate, and be used as a lifeline if need be. You didn't just leave a child without a name.

This had to be remedied. He conjured a post-it note and a pen, and snuck over to the drawer considering the merits of different names.

Kraken? Should I name him Kraken? No, he doesn't seem like a Kraken. The child stirred once, yawning, bright blue eyes nearly opening.

His name is Tommy.

The realization hit Wilbur all at once. Tommy wasn't a particularly demonic name, but it just felt too right to pick anything else.

So, he wrote "Tommy" on the post-it note and stuck it on the blanket, hoping that Phil would think it had been there the whole time.

The baby grabbed his finger as he pulled back his hand, not letting go. Wilbur's heart wasn't melted at all. Not a bit.

"I'm going to need that back, Tommy.". Carefully, he took his finger out of the tiny hand's grasp.

"It's very nice to meet you. My name's Wilbur. I'm your guardian, Tommy, and you're going to burn down the world one day."

-----------

At the same time, Quackity followed Eret back to their home (although mansion might be more accurate. Was the chandelier really necessary?).

They'd been planning for this for months, and anything that Quackity could worry about had already been taken care of five minutes ago. Baby No. 2 was even named quickly and with care.

The angel breathed a sigh of relief. Nothing evil could be named "Tubbo", right?

Eret disappeared to a nearby room, allowing Quackity the chance to formally meet him and Fundy's charge. He teleported down to the cradle and contemplated the kid.

"Hey, I know that this has been a long day, but I'm Quackity. Me and my friend are going to be looking after you for a few years, because Tubbo? It's up to you to save the world. Good luck."

-----------

At the same time, Niki went back to her home.

The rain finally stopped, and she put the Nice and Accurate Prophecies back on the shelf to hold Baby No. 1, the real prophesied end of days.

I don't know if I'm ready for this. I don't know anything about being a mother, or stopping the apocalypse, but I'm expected to do both.

The child opened his eyes. They were the one usual thing about an otherwise average baby: One eye was a fiery red, while one was a leafy green. They vaguely reminded Niki of a forest fire.

She set up the cradle and cast various charms, determined to get this right.

She was so focused on protecting her son (for he was her son, now) that she didn't notice a skeletal green hand reach out of the shadows for her book and cut out select pages and phrases with a knife of bone.

Niki gently put her child down, already full of intense care for him.

You're going to be okay. I don't know about heaven or hell or any of those idiots, but I can promise you one thing, Ranboo: I'll make sure you're safe. I swear it.

Hope you enjoyed!

#dream smp #dsmp #good omens au #fan fiction #writing #beware the drafts of march #ranboo #wilbur soot #schlatt #fundy #quackity #badboyhalo #tommyinnit #georgenotfound #philza minecraft

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electraheart2012 · 4 years ago

Note

have you ever explained your different tags and where they come from? they’re so ~aesthetic~ and each capture a mood perfectly but i’m not really sure what they’re Meant to encapsulate

THANK U and nope i haven’t! lemme do that now, buckle in >:D ok im back up here to say this got very long but i hope it helped dkdjfkd

in our lives is a common sense - 1) comes from a pin-light bent by joanna newsom, “in our lives is a common sense / that relies on the common fence” 2) pretty much just stuff about the connection btwn ~humanity, and just things that make me feel warm inside. tl;dr to quote ANOTHER joanna newsom song, ben wyatt.jpeg it’s about the sweetness of being

heart is a bird - 1) comes from how long from hadestown (the concept album version, idk if the bway version is different bec i refuse to listen to it <3), “all of his sorrow won’t fit in his chest / it just burns like a fire in the pit of his chest / and his heart is a bird on a spit in his chest” 2) this one is probably the most vague tag i have, it’s just a catch-all for a like.. i hate to use the word feral, but more feral/dark aesthetic i guess? or things that feel like some kind of catharsis. basically just twisted cycle path things😩😫🤯😫😫😤😤

if i only could - 1) comes from the electronic bit at the end of running up that hill by kate bush, “if i only could, be running up that hill, oh if i only could” 2) basically anything that reminds me of adolescence or girlhood or teenagedom and the rush that comes with “we’re reeling through the midnight streets / i’ve never felt more alone / it feels so scary getting old”, but it’s kinda just become a catchall for all that and also vaguely alt/2000s stuff

im no prophet im your friend - 1) from identical by phoenix, “tell me you’re trying / trying to regret playing all night those video tapes / i’m no prophet i’m your friend / take my advice make your mistakes / i’m right beside you, unfold that i know you / i’m told that it’s my fault / i’d rather fall and lose control again” 2) on friendship @_@

if you ever were to find your way back home - 1) from the transcendental song 1995 by the radio dept, “1995 seems like a long way to go if you ever were to find your way back home”, one of my fav songs and one of my fav lyrics ever 2) p self explanatory, just things that remind me of home or are about being/make me feel homesick

how the earth did shake - 1) from we the common by thao and the get down stay down, “how the earth did shake / and tumble and tremble for what the people did take” 2) just stuff about like. life/love as political things? and just general things about protest that aren’t, like, actual resources and stuff. im not 100% on this tag asdskdj

what lies under the city - 1) from sapokanikan by joanna newsom, “wait for the hunter to decipher the stone / and what lies under the city is gone” i wish i had chosen "lost in the idling bird call” or literally any other line from the song but as the french say celebi :pensivecowboy: 2) cities tag!

our dreams on the windowsill, see those trees turning gold in the hills - 1) from the ending of all shades of blue by gregory alan isakov, 2) this tag is the bane of my existence its so long but yeah it’s an autumn tag but also just kind of a nostalgic tag

when the redcheeked dancing girls trip home - 1) it’s a paraphrase of a moby dick quote, “for as when the red-cheeked, dancing girls, April and May, trip home to the wintry, misanthropic woods; even the barest, ruggedest, most thunder-cloven old oak will at least send forth some few green sprouts, to welcome such glad-hearted visitants” 2) spring tag!

youre the only warm thing for miles - 1) from i’m going back to minnesota where sadness makes sense by danez smith, 2) winter tag~!

barbed spined hold us close forever - 1) a paraphrase of emily by joanna newsom, “the ties that bind they are barbed and spined and hold us close forever” 2) stuff about family/so far mostly siblings

siren's song take me home - 1) from a map a string a light by yvette young, "siren's song take me home / where the stones can cover me" 2) i can have a little fantasy tag.. as a treat

n - nostalgia and on childhood

glowing pink in the night - 1) from the mitski song duh 2) for that hashtag moment when you glow pink in the night in ur room, blossoming alone over uuu. i don’t really know abt this tag it kind of pisses me off i can’t decide what it’s supposed to be

heart has no home - 1) from “to the bone” by the queen of haunting songs, mirel wagner, “my heart has no home / you’ve bruised me to the bone” 2) it was a vampire tag but i think it’s just going to be more monstrous people now

sounds of people - 1) MYYY GODD IM SO LONELYYYY SO I OPENNNN THE WINDOW!!!!! 2) it’s like supposed to be urban loneliness but i need to brush it up a bit o_o i also might just merge it with heart is a bird

i think those are all the tags i use most often? but yeah i hope this answered your question n i hope you’re having a good night djfdj <3

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thebibliomancer · 4 years ago

Text

Essential Avengers: Marvel Super Heroes Secret Wars #10-12

February, 1985

DEATH TO THE BEYONDER!

Wow, Doom has been beaten to hell in this story, huh?

Couldn’t have happened to a nicer etc etc.

Anyway, lets get to it.

Last times in Secret Wars: Some amazingly powerful being from Beyond the universe called the Beyonder kidnaps a bunch of heroes, villains, shades thereof, and chunks of random planets to put on a big toy commercial where action figures can bonk off each other.

The X-Men ditched the other heroes to team up with Magneto to do their own thing, as they’re wont to do. But still largely helped the other heroes fight the villains. And didn’t even do villain shit even though Magneto advocated for it.

There have been a bunch of fights back and forth between the groups but most recently, Captain America’s group of heroes stormed Doombase and took down the villain group then had to rush to back up the X-Men in dealing with Galactus who wants to eat the planet, as he is wont to do.

Doom busted out of the cell the heroes stuck him in to pull off his master plan with the help of solid sound man Klaw while Reed Richards had a crisis of weird conscience as he became convinced that maybe Galactus should eat the planet. But he eventually helped the other heroes drive Galactus off-planet where the hat horned purple planet eater started to eat his own spaceship, with Doom planning to steal that tasty snack.

And that brings us to now.

Where things are getting super freaky.

Reed Richards’ skeleton viscerally upsets me.

But as Galactus’ ship turns from Mobius ship to energy cloud, the cloud gets ripped away from Galactus and streams towards Doombase.

Captain America sends Captain Marvel to Doombase to check if Doom is behind this Total Doom Move and she zips over to determine, yup, Doom is pulling a total Doom right now.

He’s got himself strapped to a thing under a bunch of Klaw lenses injecting PHENOMENAL COSMIC POWER right into his itty bitty body.

Captain Marvel is going to zip back over to let Captain America and Mr. Fantastic know whats going on but Professor X chimes in her brain that he’ll save them some time by setting up a psychic conference call between her and Reed.

Meanwhile, Doctor Doom finishes consuming the aggregate energy of a spaceship the size of a solar system and trips out a little on omnipotence.

Doom: “By the dark gods! My least whim alters the world around me! Such is the power coursing within me that stone and steel are wisps of nothing which bend and transform in slavish obedience to my merest stray thought!”

Just say no to phenomenal cosmic power.

Also, some omniscience, which lets him see his own brains and into the souls of the people in Doombase.

Annnd. He spots Captain Marvel. Womp womp.

When the psychic connection between her and Xavier is suddenly cut off, the heroes pile into the X-Men’s wrecked ship to fly to Doombase and save Captain Marvel.

Hm. They’ve really been back and forth. They were all just at Doombase and then they came here and now they’re going back to Doombase.

Since the ship is wrecked, Magneto just propels it with MASTERY OF MAGNET and Cap(tain America) praises him for living up to his hype.

Which sets Magneto off on a rant.

Magneto: “I gather, Captain America, that you would have preferred that I fail! Or... was that remark, perhaps, intended to be a ‘well done’ for which I should humble thank you.”

Captain America: “At ease, mister!”

Magneto: “Allies should be ‘at ease’ with one another! What troubles you? Is it my awesome power? Are you jealous? Afraid? Or is it merely because I am a mutant that you are not ‘at ease’?”

Captain America: “Now that you mention it, the fact that you tried to kill all of us here several times as part of various evil schemes for world conquest is pretty hard to forget entirely!”

This sort of feels like Magneto is antsy because he hasn’t been villaining as much as he likes. Or like him going ‘today I shall cause problems on purpose.’

But, whoops, Cap says that he doesn’t have a problem with the X-Men which sets off Wolverine on a rant about how Captain America doesn’t do enough for mutants.

Geez, its like the time he unmasked a governmental conspiracy by Richard Nixon to use a mutant powered UFO to take over America doesn’t even count.

Wolverine accuses Cap of not laying off Magneto even though he’s been helpful. I’ll note that all Cap did was tell Magneto good job which Magneto decided was a slight.

Meanwhile, over at Doombase where Doom likes to Doom, Doom is pondering what to do now.

He is now powerful enough to wipe out everyone on Battleworld with a wave of his hand and easily win this Secret Wars. But he’s already so powerful, what could he possible ask the Beyonder for?

Doom: “Are those dust-mote heroes truly my enemies? Or... is there now but one foe in all existence worthy of Doom? The Beyonder himself!”

Mostly because he exists and is more powerful than Doom and that simply cannot do.

Like, Doom notes that he already has all the power he could ever want but there’s someone over outside the universe who has more power so Doom wants it. Even though the power he do have is messing him up.

Truly Doom in a nutshell.

Hm. Is it odd that everyone just decides that the Beyonder is male based on nothing? He does decide to be male when he manifests on Earth in Secret Wars 2 but there’s no basis for the assumption here.

But we have toys to sell so Doom upgrades his armor.

This was another request from Mattel, for Doom (and Iron Man, hence the upgrade he gets from Mr. Fantastic) to be given high-tech costumes.

I personally think they just didn’t want to make capes. Notably, there was never a Thor toy.

In-universe, the new armor is a secret weapon to use against the Beyonder, based on Galactus’ machine and the data Doom got scanning the Beyonder in issue 1.

The heroes but into Doombase to find no one to fight. All the villains are still locked up and Doom is nowhere to be seen. They find Captain Marvel, frozen in light form like a hologram.

Then a massive KRAKABOOOM! shakes the fortress as DOOM goes to confront the Beyonder.

The Beyonder: “Stop! You cannot approach me!”

Doom: “Then approach me, coward -- on your knees, if you have knees! Come! Cringe before your master! Grovel before Doom!”

The conflict starts to shake Doombase apart and a big ol rock falls on Reed’s lower torso and knocks the wind out of him.

The monitors in Doombase also shows that the destruction is worldwide, causing devastation to Zsaji’s village, and doing her an injury.

I assume Denver is also affected. I really want that miniseries focusing on Denverians during Secret Wars.

Colossus tries to tell Johnny that Zsaji has been hurt but Johnny’s attentions are elsewhere.

Human Torch: “I -- I’ve got no time for a chippie now! Reed’s hurt! I’ll send her a card later!”

Geez, Johnny.

Anyway, the fight between DOOM and the Beyonder is so so devastating that its threatening to snuff out the sun.

Which, if nothing else, is impressively bonkers.

But wherever Doom falters, the Beyonder doubles his assault.

Turns out that absorbing the energy of a spaceship the size of a solar system doesn’t make you a match for a guy that can casually wipe out a galaxy.

Doom: “Th-thus -- ? Thus falls Doom? No! No! What is pain to one such as I? I -- I will shut it out. Other men fall prey to the very spectre of death... when her cold embrace seems imminent... they simply swoon into her arms! But I... I am Doom! I -- I deny you, death! Victor von Doom must not die!”

He says this after his leg falls off. For the sake of context.

The world-shaking pauses and an image of Doom appears before the assembled heroes. Trying to come off as confident but blatantly holding his hat.

Doom: “Greetings! I am Doctor Doom! ... Though I am far more than the being you once knew! Indeed, I have transcended mortality -- and yet, I am your champion -- fighting for your sakes! I am about to crush the Beyonder!”

“The Beyonder, in his cosmic arrogance abducted us all and brought us here to do battle for his amusement! ‘Slay your enemies...!’ He said -- but in truth, he is the real enemy!”

“While he can reach us, our universe is not safe from his manipulations! He must be utterly defeated and sealed away beyond the portal before -- or destroyed! In the name of all who exist in our universe, I, Doom, have dared to attack the Beyonder!”

“The battle has gone well. Even now, the Beyonder cringes in terror, marshalling his failing strength against my final assault! Hence, this lull in the strife -- which has allowed me to appear to you and offer you the chance to share in my glorious conquest. Lend me your power! Hasten his certain defeat! Come! Who will join me against our common foe? You have but to touch my hand! Who shall be first?”

“To him, after our victory, I shall grant power beyond measure -- with which to further his noble purposes, of course! You know I speak the truth! You feel it, do you not?”

I mean, Doom has a point. The Beyonder IS the real enemy. If the heroes refuse to kill anyone, the Beyonder is never going to let them go home. Unless this is a secret test of character but nothing I’ve seen would lead me in that direction.

It’s just. Its Doom. Who would trust him with EVEN MORE PHENOMENAL COSMIC POWER?

Magneto immediately steps forward to offer his power to Doom’s service (womp womp) but he meets Xavier’s gaze and hesitates.

Long enough for several Avengers to tackle him away from Doom.

Proving his claim that the fight is definitely in the bag, Doom can’t maintain his GoFundMe hologram and fades away.

Hawkeye, one of the Avengers that tackled Magneto, starts yelling at the X-Men about the company they keep and what it will take for them to realize Magneto is a dick.

But Captain America interrupts Clint. He says that everyone was tempted by what Doom was offering and goes so far as to speculate that Doom was applying some sort of mind control to them and that Magneto just got the biggest dose.

This is all pretty unsubstantiated but he also does point out that Magneto hesitated to grab Doom’s hand and dammit that counts for something.

Meanwhile, Doom is having a bad time.

Trying to crowdfund a Beyonder defeat having not met its goal by the deadline, Doom is at the mercy of the Beyonder.

But the Beyonder is a curious cuss.

I mean, obviously. Why put on a Secret War unless you’re bored and curious.

The Beyonder starts prying into Doom’s brain and forces Doom to remember his ENTIRE BACKSTORY so he can watch.

You probably know it. Roma youth. His mom killed for witchcraft and her soul trapped by Mephisto. Doom studies magic and science to try to contact her. Makes a hellevator device that blows up in his face.

The Beyonder pries into Doom’s desires for: power over the destinies of other men, for freedom for his mom’s spirit, and for his putting on the piping hot mask face to be restored.

All these desires fascinate the Beyonder and he takes his dissection of the Beyonder to an unfortunately literal level and starts flaying Doom to peep his organs.

Meanwhile, the biggest shock yet hits Battleworld and Doombase starts shaking apart.

Captain America goes to free the villains trapped in their cells and finds Wolverine there who agrees that they shouldn’t leave the villains to die in cages, no matter what they’ve done. Magneto is also helping evacuate the captured villains from the medical wing.

Wolverine: “Don’t take this wrong... But you’re a better man than I gave you credit for! I’m an attacker an’ you’re a defender -- but we’re both soldiers! I’m beginnin’ to think you got room in your high-falutin’ ideals for all people... don’tcha -- ? Even if they’re mutants!”

Captain America: “Some of my best friends are people!”

Hah!

Anyway, RIP Doombase. You had a name and that’s more than I can say of the initial hero base or Magneto’s U-fort.

The shaking stops and a glowing orb of light floats down from space in front of the collected heroes.

Oh my god! The rest of the characters are 4-inch figures but Doom is rocking 24 inches and full articulation!

The heroes prepare to fight the Giant-Sized Doctor Doom but Doom bwoop bwoop bwoops back down to their scale and explains that absorbing the Beyonder caused him to be big because of reasons but he’s got a better handle on it now.

Its not shown on panel but remember Doom had his secret anti-Beyonder weapon hidden inside his armor and the Beyonder got real close when he was dissecting Doom. Which Doom regained consciousness during. So that’s how he did it.

Doom: “First, know you these things... The Beyonder no longer exists... and Doom has been reborn! Thus, have two evils come to an end! There is no enemy left to fight! THE WAR IS OVER!”

Caption: “Nonetheless, we strongly suggest that you read the next issue of Marvel Super Heroes Secret Wars on sale in thirty days!!”

Hah.

March, 1985

... AND DUST TO DUST!

I’ll give Marvel Super Heroes TM Secret Wars TM #11 this. It promises and teases THE FACE OF DOOM right on the cover and dammit, it delivers.

Gaze upon his generic attractiveness. He looks like Peter Parker having a wild eyebrow day.

I suppose the real surprise is that he fixed up his scarred face, which puts him two checkmarks into his three greatest desires.

He’s the supreme being in the universe and he’s got a face to match.

In a very reassuring manner, Doom tells the assembled heroes that he could destroy them all with a thought and then doesn’t bother destroying them.

Over in the distance, the freed villains see Doom talking with the heroes and Absorbing Man decides that Doom is selling out to the heroes. The other villains get their dander up at this and debate going over and kicking Doom’s ass.

Volcana: “I don’t know what to think, Owie! Doom is the one who made me into Volcana which is wonderful -- but, gee, he does seem to be double-crossing us!”

Molecule Man: “And I had such faith in him! I believe in him! I -- I’m furious!”

Volcana: “Now, Owie, remember your analyst said it wasn’t good to get overwrought!”

Molecule Man: “I don’t care what she said! I’m going to kill that lying, two-faced, rotten fink! Do you hear me, Doom? The Molecule Man is going to kill you!”

Then Molecule Man flips up several billion tons of the planet’s crust so he can have a conversation with Doom.

Doom just shows Molecule Man the foundations of eternity, the secrets of the universe, how all things work so that Molecule Man can realize that he is the second mightiest in the universe, after Doom.

Doom: “Think! Every molecule, every iota of matter in the cosmos answers to our whim! And all the forces which govern substance bend to your will -- for matter and energy are one and the same! The only limits on your power are those which you have imposed upon yourself, subconsciously because of self-doubt... self-hate... fear! Open your mind to the majesty of your power, Owen Reece! Accept your destiny... and fear no more!”

Molecule Man: “I -- I can control organic molecules! I can do... anything!”

Well.

This bodes something.

Doom then takes off and an amazed Molecule Man declares that he’s now the leader of the villain group. And considering he can peel the planet’s crust in a fit of pique, nobody really wants to say nay.

Molecule Man apparently didn’t want to hurt anyone so when he peeled up the crust, it somehow didn’t hurt any of the heroes. Just relocated them very insistently. Although if they stayed put they’d suffocate from the thin atmosphere.

They return to Doombase, which is somehow still standing. But aside from recapping the series, they really don’t know what to do until Doom makes himself known again.

The villains retreat to the suburb of Denver, Colorado and to the apartment belonging to Marsha Rosenberg (Volcana).

They decide that they don’t actually care about the Secret Wars anymore and just want to go home. And Molecule Man, being a good leader, decides to make this happen for everyone.

Man. I hope none of Denver’s population went wandering outside suburb limits before Molecule Man domed the suburb and chucked it into space.

The heroes spot it happening on their instruments (and because a chunk of planet being ejected into space causes a rumble) but there’s nothing they can really do about it. So Cap suggests everyone sleep on it.

Colossus can’t sleep because he keeps thinking about how deeply he is in love with Zsaji. So he ditches to zip to her village on an air jetski.

Missing a blob of light enter the Doombase and possess the Hulk.

Possessed Hulk lumbers around the base like a sleepwalker, being found by Spider-Woman who can’t sleep for worrying about her hometown of Denver.

She tries to stop Hulk with her psychic webs but he busts through and shoves her to the ground. The weird light blob goes from Hulk to Spider-Woman.

Hulk goes back to sleep and possessed Spider-Woman creeps into Doom’s lab and the discarded head of Klaw.

But there’s a flash of light and soon a confused Spider-Woman is telling the other heroes that Doom showed up, reassembled Klaw, unfroze Captain Marvel, oh and engraved an invitation to the heroes to meet him tomorrow at his sweet new tower.

Klaw: “I told you once -- ! I am my wildest dream! Dream! Eem, eem, eem...”

Doom: “I shall miss dreaming...”

He tells Klaw that he does not need sleep anymore and doesn’t dare sleep anymore because of the power contained in him.

Meanwhile, Colossus arrives at Zsaji’s hut while she’s sleeping and invites himself inside. Its creepy or romantic, shrug. She wakes up, he gives her flowers, and confesses he loves her.

Not really understanding the words but getting the gist, Zsaji seems into it.

I guess she gave up on Johnny. Or her people are polygamous.

Later, Wolverine and Nightcrawler gossip about Colossus’ love life. Neither very sympathetic about Colossus cheating on Kitty Pryde.

You’d think they’d also be unsympathetic about the age gap but eh.

Wolverine is also convinced that Colossus isn’t even REALLY in love with Zsaji, that its just a side-effect of her healing power. PLUS, she’s an alien so who knows what love means to her.

Hm. This really does look like a job for Cipher.

The non-Colossus heroes all go to meet Doom at THE TOWER OF DOOM, where Doom is quick to reiterate that they have nothing to worry about with Doom now possessing phenomenal cosmic power.

Doom: “Much has changed, Captain America! Much indeed! For, when I usurped the Beyonder’s power, slaying him -- in a way, Doom died as well! Now, I am all-powerful! I have nothing to prove to lesser creatures -- and none are my equal! I am complete... serene in my omnipotence! The dark, seething desires which once drove and shaped Doom are no more! Nothing in this universe -- nothing of which you can conceive, no matter how cosmic in scope -- could possible merit my attention! For as Eternity is to you... I am to Eternity! I have transcended all concerns of this plane of existence -- and, yet... we have unfinished business! Loose ends, if you will, left over from my mortal life! I cannot undo all of the evil works of my life without unraveling a great deal of the fabric of reality, causing enormous upheavals in the time/space continuum -- ! I can, though, easily set right some of the crimes of these few days past...”

Its good to see that Doom didn’t let becoming the unchallenged supreme being of the universe change him, at least in regards to words words words.

Anyway, he reintegrates Kang and sends the very confused future man home to the future.

He tells the heroes that Galactus has already been found and aided by his herald, Nova.

Which just leaves the wrong that Doom has done the heroes. He offers them a boon to atone for the suffering they’ve endured at his hands.

The heroes debate what to ask for. Spider-Man suggests that Doom can send them home only for Reed, perhaps peevishly, to remark that he can get them home. Nightcrawler suggests that Doom could find Lockheed, who was part of the intro cast but went missing near the beginning. But Captain America tells Doom that they want nothing from him.

Doom: “Very well! Our dealings are ended! Forever! Leave, now as you entered! Soon I shall ascend to higher planes! Until then -- and mark this -- I will not suffer any disturbance! Go... and do not seek to enter my presence again, for I will utterly destroy any who dare!”

Wow.

His magnanimity sure is short-lived.

The heroes do leave but outside Cap(tain America. Captain Marvel hasn’t had a line since she was unfrozen, I think) does a headcount and Spider-Woman is missing.

Despite the risk of Doom making good on his word to kill anyone that disturbs him, Cap won’t leave a comrade behind and reenters THE TOWER OF DOOM.

Cap stumbles onto Doom chilling with his shirt, mask, and boots off and luckily Doom is either in a good mood or hasn’t counted Captain America as leaving yet.

Captain America tells Doom that Spider-Woman is missing so Doom sends Klaw to go find her.

Klaw goes looking for Spider-Woman but runs into one of her webs. The missing, possessed hero grabs Klaw and transfers the blob of light to him.

Back at Doom having dressed up, maybe feeling awkward about being casual in front of anyone who isn’t Klaw, Doom reveals to Captain America that his mom’s spirit is being held captive by Mephisto and that Doom plans to free her.

Doom: “Is that little enough to ask? Little enough self-solicitude -- ? To free my mother’s soul from endless torment at the hands of an extra-dimensional demon! After that... it is as I said -- no affair of men -- or demons -- could possibly gain my notice!”

Cap comments that Doom is looking pretty human but Doom says its for everyone else’s protection that he keeps the power contained, lest he accidentally wipe out solar systems and galaxies.

Doom: “While I linger on this plane, I am like a giant on a world of ants! Every slight movement I make can seal the destinies of millions! I... do not wish to destroy anyone!”

Klaw returns and tells Cap where to find Spider-Woman so Cap goes off to retrieve her.

The heroes all take off back to Doombase and Cap asks Professor X to summon Colossus because there’s a decision to be made that everyone has to be present for.

Which leads to this delightful scene of Professor X interrupting Colossus as he’s making out with Zsaji.

Despite Colossus telling Xavier to buzz off, Xavier insists that Colossus return and alas duty before booty. Or something.

When Colossus arrives, the heroes all assemble in a conference room that Cap managed to find in Doombase.

Wasp doesn’t see the problem with Doom wanting to rescue his mother and Cap agrees that its a very humane and human thing to want and that in other circumstances Cap would have volunteered to help him.

But its the human that bothers Cap.

It gets back to Jim Shooter’s themes from his non-consecutive Avengers runs. Graviton, Nefaria, Korvac, Molecule Man, and Moondragon.

Godlike power in the hands of the all too human.

Captain America: “Doom claims he’s transcended all human desire! What if he hasn’t? We’ve seen the power of the Beyonder -- Doom’s power -- in action before! It is such power that even now, nothing in the universe can take place without his consent! That kind of authority rightfully belongs to... no man! No matter how enlightened or benevolent he’s become, freedom to do what Doom allows is not freedom!”

Cap is edging very close to ‘attack and dethrone god’ and I don’t know if he means to.

But as Cap points out, the first thing Doom did with his new power was to repair his face. Awfully human-like vanity.

Mr. Reed Fantastic concedes what Cap is getting at and agrees they need to force Doom to give up his power. And where Reed goes, so goes the rest of the Fantastic Three.

Which doesn’t tell you whether its a good idea or not considering they were both behind ‘let Galactus eat us all’ when Reed suggested it.

But the Avengers, the spiders, the Hulk, and the X-Men all agree as well.

Colossus is the last person to speak up and he suggests that if they attack Doom unprompted, maybe they’re the dicks. Doom may never harm them, may do what he’s said he’ll do and ascend to a higher plane of existence and contemplate gluons or whatever.

Captain America: “You may be right, son! I’m not dead certain about any of this! That’s why it must be a unanimous vote... or we do nothing! Don’t think you must agree! The choice is yours... Keep in mind, by the way, that if we do decide to confront Doom, it’s possible that we might be annihilated on the spot by a bolt from the blue!”

Wow, Cap isn’t just telling Colossus he can vote how he likes and not feel he must go with the majority. He’s also giving good reasons NOT to vote with the majority.

That Cap. He loves democracy so much.

Colossus struggles because he’s just found love and happiness and he never got to finish making out. And he’s being asked to possibly throw that all away unnecessarily!

Cap still won’t press Colossus one way or another so Colossus has to speak from the heart.

Colossus: “Forgive me, Zsaji... I say yes... We fight!”

He chose........... poorly?

Wonder what the last issue will be about now that half the cast is dead. Ignoring that we see several of these people alive in an issue set after this but published before.

Ignoring that. I wonder what the last issue will be about.

Good thing we don’t have to wait.

April, 1985

“...NOTHING TO FEAR...”

Okay, see, this is just making me wonder harder.

Hm. I also wonder if this is the first big moment where Captain America’s America Shield gets broken for dramatic effect. I know it happens again in Infinity Gauntlet but that’s some years away.

Anyway, yeah. The twenty-one hero characters and Magneto (twenty-one feels like A LOT, geez) have been totally killed forever and they will certainly stay dead.

To Zsaji’s alarm, since in a bit of establishing relative positions, she can see Doombase from the mountain near her village that Galactus set up his planet-eating equipment on.

Over at THE TOWER OF DOOM, Doom contains the power again.

Klaw: “Seal up the power -- god’s might in a can! Thus, Doom is just another man! But why?”

Doom: “Lest in a careless moment, a casual flick of my little figner might blacken a star system, or wipe out an intergalactic civilization. Lest, like Vishnu. ‘I am become death, the destroyer of worlds.’ This universe is too fragile!”

Klaw: “Such power! Such weight upon your shoulders! Poor Doom!”

Klaw questions whether the heroes are REALLY dead but Doom insists on it.

Meanwhile, Denver floating through space towards Earth.

I wanted to question... like... how much oxygen or food a Denver chunk could contain but Molecule Man laughs at logistics. He can just turn space dust into whatever he needs.

Man, Molecule Man would be great to have on a generation ship.

The villains are still chilling out in Volcana’s apartment, instead of taking over the largest building or whatever. Nice thing about Molecule Man being boss is that he doesn’t really approve of all of that.

Enchantress locks herself in the bathroom because dammit, sometimes you just need alone time to consult with a water elemental for some juicy exposition.

Because its issue 12 and we don’t know anything about the Beyonder really and Doom has already eaten him up so its now or never.

Honestly, time should have been budgeted for it earlier but what can you do.

The water elemental knows some things by gossiping with other spirits asks as price for her exposition that Enchantress “grant me power to walk through fields of flowers as mortals do” but Enchantress just threatens her into it.

She’s not a great boss.

Water Elemental: “In his realm, the Beyonder was everything and everything was him... and he was content! But by chance, an event in our universe opened a pinhole into his beyond-realm -- and through the pinhole he glimpsed the Earth! For the first time in his existence he became curious! So, he began to observe! For years, he watched the Earth! One thing confounded him above all else -- this incompleteness beings of our universe seemed to have -- this thing called... desire!”

So the Beyonder chose subjects of power, presence and palpable desire. The three P’s. And then he either raptured or lured into his game. The Beyonder sorted them according to the nature of their desires, which is why Magneto ended up with the heroes. Because his desire for mutantkind is like the altruistic desires of the heroes. Vs the personal desires of the villain group.

The Water Elemental recaps the war, including an image of Enchantress getting punched by She-Hulk, probably to piss her off. Yadda yadda, Doom played the larger game while everyone was doing punches and managed to usurp the Beyonder.

Water Elemental: “May I go down the drain now, please?”

Except no. Enchantress is still a bad boss and demands that the elemental use her rapport with the water on Battleworld to tell Enchantress whats going on now.

The elemental says she doesn’t have the power to do that so Enchantress dunks the elemental and boils some power into her.

Enchantress sees images of the heroes being effortlessly slaughtered, Klaw waiting on Doom as he relaxes, and Doom planning to invade Mephisto’s realm.

The last question Enchantress asks the rather haggard looking elemental is whether the Beyonder is truly dead.

Water Elemental: “N-no... he is close by Doom. But too weak to act... He is hiding where Doom would never suspect, awaiting an opportunity... a moment of vulnerability.”

Humorously, during this scene, the Absorbing Man starts banging on the bathroom door and asking Enchantress if she fell in.

In the living room, the Lizard is getting antsy about being cooped up.

Lizard: “RRAWRR! Out! Lizard wantss out of thiss humanss’ nesst! Musst be in sswamp! Lizard hates humanss!”

The Wrecking Crew just want to kill Lizard to spare the hassle but Volcana sticks up for him because its in her nature to take care of things. And in the same way he demonstrated with Wasp, Lizard folds into surly obedience as soon as someone is firm but nice with him.

Lizard isn’t the only one that’s antsy, as Dock Ock starts complaining and smashing the walls about how unlikely it is that they’ll ever reach home.

Doctorpus Octopus: “Don’t you fools realize the odds against us ever reaching Earth? An ant dropped in the middle of the Sahara would stand a better chance of getting to Hawaii!”

Molecule Man wanders in and tries to calm down the doctorpus while Enchantress lures Volcana away from the crowd.

Enchantress has decided that its time for Volcana to repay her debt for portaling her over to Molecule Man’s side after he was Wolverine’d. And the blank check cost she’s decided on is for Volcana to help Enchantress return to Asgard immediately to warn her people about the danger that Beyonder Doom poses.

And Volcana can help by ‘donating’ her life-force to power the teleport. And by donate, of course, she means, mystically contractually obligated.

Elsewhere, Molecule Man shows Doc Ock that he’s restored the stars in the galaxy that the Beyonder wiped out and that he’s been learning to do spacewarps too. And that’s how they’ll get home.

Doc Ock has some doubts so Molecule Man wraps him up in a nice, weighted blanket of asphalt and plans to turn him over to the authorities when they get back because he’s beginning to suspect that this supervillain may in fact may not be emotionally healthy.

Molecule Man realizes that Volcana isn’t around and Lizard who saw Enchantress pied piper her away leads MM to interrupt the Enchantress before she can finish draining Volcana or making fat jokes.

She makes a lot of fat jokes. Ffs Amora.

Enchantress teleport flees back to Battleworld but Lizard jumps after her and gets caught up in it.

He scratches her face so she throws him off a cliff.

And since mystically speaking, the Lizard counts as a “lower creature” Enchantress can just rip away his life-force and use it to fix her face and power an uncertain teleport to Asgard.

RIP the Lizard. Although I’m pretty sure you bounce back from this.

Meanwhile, in THE TOWER OF DOOM, Doom is napping while Klaw creeps on him creepily but Doom wakes up and yells at Klaw for letting him sleep.

Why, who knows what his subconscious would do with the Beyonder’s power in his dreams!

Klaw suggests hey maybe Doom would accidentally revive the heroes. Or maybe he already did? Hm?? In fact, Klaw has a theory and he’s going to use his sound hologram powers to put on a little demonstration for Doom.

He posits that Zsaji saw the destruction Doom wrought on Doombase (which we do know that she did do). She finds the... uh chunks that remain of the heroes and uses her healing powers to put them in stasis where cellular life still lingers. But she finds Colossus less damaged than the rest because he instinctively shifted to his armored form at the last instant. Surely his armored skin is better armor than, say, the Thing’s rock skin or Iron Man’s armor.

The story Klaw is telling works better this way so surely it is so.

Zsaji manages to bring Colossus wholly back to life, at the cost of her own.

A grief-stricken Colossus shoves Reed Richards into a healing tank (his elastic body also less damaged than the rest because sure, Reed Richards is more durable than the Hulk, we can just say anything).

So Reed is restored and he uses the technology of Doombase to invent a mass healing device and restores the rest of the heroes.

Klaw: “And they’re on their way here right now! The end... maybe!”

Doom: “Absurd! That couldn’t happen! The odds are impossible!”

Klaw: “Perhaps... but maybe you sort of... helped things along... Maybe you secretly subconsciously wanted them to survive... to rise from the ashes and live again!”

Doom: “You speak madness, Klaw!”

Klaw doubts though because Doom didn’t completely atomize the heroes and suggests turning on his god-mode and verifying that the heroes are really dead.

But now Doom is worried that having heard Klaw spell out a possible way for the heroes to be alive, his slightest doubt might make it so.

(I mean, I’m pretty sure that the light blob that’s possessing Klaw is the Beyonder who is gaslighting Doom for Reasons.)

Doom: “This is madness! I must drive these thoughts, these doubts, from my mind! They are dead! Dead! Dead! And yet... How many times in the past have I thought that Reed Richards was dead? And, if there were one man who might overcome the odds... is it not Captain America? No... no! THEY ARE DEAD!”

Klaw: “Then, again...”

Doom lets the Beyonder power well up but he can’t control it and it starts blasting Battleworld to shit and nearly destroyed all of reality. Doom can’t get his mind ordered and calm.

Klaw offers to destroy the heroes for Doom so Doom grants him “an infinitesimal micro-fraction” of his power, “enough to blacken ten thousand suns.”

GEEZ. I know that the Beyonder was established as being the strongest being in the universe, having come from a universe where all was the Beyonder. But that’s still very alarming.

The heroes rush in because after being murdered in an instant once already, subtlety is out the window.

Klaw intercepts them with a summoned army of monsters and also Ultron. Yes, Ultron is back, back again. Tell a friend. Tell them OH MY GOD RUN.

Then there’s a big two-page spread of everyone attacking everyone because that’s the kind of story this is.

Rad.

The Thing reverts back to meat man Ben Grimm but manages to will power the rocks back on and decides now he can control the changes and starts crying because this is everything he’s ever wanted.

Hulk goes punchies on Ultron but the robot does a plot injury to Hulk’s leg and for an encore makes Iron Man, Wolverine, and Spider-Woman look stupid before just falling apart.

Thanks to Wasp shrinking down, flying in one of the Hulk punch dents and just yanking wires. Yay, Wasp did a thing!

Also, she beat Ultron. She deserves to. Shame that not more can be made of it as a beat, what with everything going on.

Captain America manages to slip past all the monsters and jump kick his way past Klaw, although Klaw threw that little encounter.

Cap reaches where Doom is once again chilling, although this time with his clothes on.

Doom brags that there’s nothing that the heroes can do to harm him in any way, after all, what is a man to one who is omnipotent?

Captain America: “I wouldn’t be too sure about that! After all... you conquered the Beyonder! And why would you have gone through the trouble of killing us in the first place, unless... you were afraid!”

Doom doesn’t like having holes poked in his arguments so he kamehamehas Cap into ashes.

But Cap respawns out of sheer ‘I can do this all day’ness and charges at Doom to be blasted and respawned again.

Okay, so its Klaw who keeps respawning Cap, while letting Doom think its his own stolen power running out of control that keeps doing it.

And having Cap keep popping back into existence and trying to hit him in the face with a metal disc makes Doom lose his every last shit.

The power starts to overtake him and threaten the universe so Cap offers his hand, to serve as an anchor to reality for Doom.

Oh, hey. Just like Cap offered Doom his hand in the first issue but Doom turned it down because he hates pity.

But now, with omnipotence raging out of control, Doom reaches to accept Cap’s hand.

Thems some nice bookends.

Except the feeble remnant of the Beyonder that’s been body hopping bursts out of Klaw and reclaims his power from Doom.

Unpossessed Klaw: “Doom! Doom! Forgive me, Doom! The Beyonder, he took over my body -- ! He used my guile, my wits, my cunning to engineer this! I set you up for this! Doom -- ! I’m so sorry!”

The Beyonder reverts Doom’s armor (and face) back to how it was and then ejects him from the plot. Klaw jumping in to be with his master.

Actually, the Beyonder nopes out of the plot as well. Just kinda abandons this grand experiment into the concept of desire.

And to be fair, half the competitors fucked off. The other half refused to actually kill. And one of the competitors jumped off the board game to steal the Beyonder’s wallet.

At that point, escaping before you have to answer any questions is the right move.

With the fight over, there’s just a whole bunch of wrap-up.

Colossus has a funeral for Zsaji and buries her on the hill overlooking Doombase because fuck those villagers, she probably didn’t have any friends or loved ones who should have a say in this.

While RICHARDSS goes to work on a way home, Spider-Man swings around Doombase for a snack of alien eggplant. Then finds everyone else in the costume making machine room where Professor X has.

Uh.

Made some fashion choices.

Won’t anybody stop him?

Anyway, he intends to keep undermining Storm when they get back to Earth. What a guy.

Spider-Man also learns that none of their costumes respond to thought like his new black costume does and wonders what’s different about his.

Hulk’s leg was busted up by being Ultron’d and his gamma levels have risen so much that they’d short out the healing pods. So Reed makes Hulk a techno crutch and leg brace to help him get around until his natural healing factor takes care of things.

He’s not very pleased at the situation though and snaps at Hawkeye, leading Hawkeye to a thought that hits a lot different post Civil War II.

Hawkeye: “Whoa! Has he ever changed in the last few days! I think he’s losing it -- becoming totally savage and out of control again! Man, I hope I’m wrong! Maybe I’d better make myself a few more arrows -- some real heavy-duty ones -- just in case!”

Curt Connors wanders in and tells a story about waking up in a crater a few miles from the fortress. He says that he’s sure this time the lizard-persona is totally gone forever for reals.

Nightcrawler says its good that Connors found them before they departed so he wouldn’t get left behind, then mentions that Lockheed the dragon would return.

And boom! Lockheed the dragon returns with a lady dragon!

He’s been getting laid this whole time, the little scamp! I assume! Either way, he has contributed absolutely nothing to anything that happened.

Reed decides that Lockheed and Connors showing up isn’t just a coincidence, that the Beyonder left some trace energy behind when he quit the plot. And that the energy is causing a wish fulfillment phenomenon (which sorta makes sense if you think of it like the promise Beyonder promised to fulfill the winners’ desires?)

Mr. Fantastic: “I believe that this... ‘wish fulfillment’ phenomenon we’ve been experiencing is an after-effect of the battle against Doom! The planet itself seems to have been charged with residual energy whichs seems to respond to strong desire, or force of will!”

Cap(tain America) immediately takes off to where he’s keeping all the fragments of his broken shield that he’s been able to find and wishes REALLY hard for it to be fixed.

“It was the product of a freak metallurgical accident -- a metallic disk of unknown composition, and unique properties -- utterly impervious to any force or instrument which humans comprehend. But now it lies before him like a wounded friend... How many times has it saved his life? And now... it’s usefl life is at an end, for no fire could melt it, no furnace could reforge it. It is forever broken... unless by force of will... or sheer desire... He can accomplish the impossible!”

Hey, how about that!

I mean, you could have wished Bucky back to life but on the other hand, it’s a real sweet shield. I get it.

Although, in terms of the pre-post Secret Wars issue teasing what could happen in it (Hulk with a leg brace, She-Hulk with the FF, Spider-Man’s new costume), I really think that Steve should have returned from Battleworld with the broken shield.

Almost everything that’s gonna be brought back from Secret Wars is going to have to be abandoned or turn out to be evil.

It’s going to turn out (years later, mind) that Steve fixed his shield bad with his FORCE OF WILL and that for some reason, imperfections in the shield threaten to destroy ALL VIBRANIUM.

And that’s a decent story, probably.

Just saying, you could have Cap return with a broken shield and get that ‘how did that happen’ hype. Its a really intriguing idea. Although, I’d bet that breaking Cap’s shield was only thought up after the pre-post Secret Wars issues had already been done so it had to be introduced and rectified in Secret Wars itself.

Some other things that didn’t last long from Secret Wars: we already know the black goo costume didn’t even last through Secret Wars. The modifications Reed made to the Iron Man armor stop working when Rhodey returns to Earth, then they evolve into the evil Carnivor and fights Quasar in Quasar. Hulk ditches his leg brace two issues after his return to Earth. Connors turns himself back into the Lizard to save his family a couple years after Secret Wars. And so on.

So the time comes to return everyone back to Earth with the device Reed made. It teleports them in small groups up to the ring-shaped construct that got them to Battleworld where it will teleport them to Earth.

Reed beams up the unaffiliated group first of Spider-Man, Spider-Woman, Curt Connors, Hulk, and Magneto who decided he’s too cool to hang with the X-Men on the ride home.

Next, the X-Men. Although they have to talk Colossus into coming home instead of being sad on a hill forever by convincing him that he’d be wasting the life Zsaji gave him if he didn’t come home.

Colossus letting Xavier talk him into sticking with the X-Men over greater and greater personal losses eventually becomes a sore point.

Lockheed’s girlfriend flies into the teleport as Reed initializes it, causing a dramatic energy fluctuation that Reed hopes won’t cause any problems on Earth.

It does.

Puff the tiny dragon becomes Puff the enormous dragon, and menaced Japan in her quest to mate with Lockeed. The X-Men had to fight her and Lockheed eventually rejected the now much bigger dragon causing her to explode.

Although she came back to life at some point and she and Lockheed did get back together.

X-Men is a weird book.

The Avengers are up next but She-Hulk tells them that she’s joining the Fantastic Four. Now this happened because Byrne made grabby hands at her and Stern didn’t say no but its not really satisfactorily built-up in this story.

Ben and She-Hulk don’t share many moments to establish that they have a good friendship that he could ask her to take his place on the team. In fact, the last time I know of them teaming up, she was a huge sex pest to him. So it makes it even more baffling.

But it happened in the pre-post issue so its gotta happen.

And Ben asks Jen (maybe the similar names is why he asks her? They can get away with only changing a single letter on his locker) because he’s going to stay behind on Battleworld because he can control his powers here.

He’s not planning on being here forever and Reed can leave the gizmo so Ben can return whenever he wants.

What makes this stupid is that like almost everything involving Ben, Reed knows a lot more about what’s going on and just doesn’t say anything. He starts to but doesn’t insist when Ben tells him not to try to change his mind.

The thing about the Thing is that Ben should always have been able to Rock On or Rock Off as he pleased but there’s a psychological block preventing it.

Ben would lose this control before leaving Battleworld and he quits the FF when he learns that Reed knew that it was a psychological issue.

Mr. Fantastic: “If only I could tell him what I suspect about his transformations -- but it’s the kind of thing that might shatter a man... even a strong man like Ben! No, better to say nothing... and hope he slowly discovers the truth for himself... Or hides from it forever!”��

Geez.

You’re so bad at people.

Anyway. Yeah. Needed some more build-up. Maybe centered around the transformation. Jen could sympathize. She used to have trouble controlling her hulk outs before she just decided to be She-Hulk all the time.

Anyway, this big ridiculous thing (the last issue was 43 PAGES LONG) ends with Ben being thoughtful on a rock.

And that brings us back to Avengers #243.

I guess he’s not alone because Zsaji’s village is still here, maybe? Is nobody going to send them home??

Follow @essential-avengers because FINALLY I can get back to just focusing on the Avengers. Phew. Please like and reblog. This took so much effort.

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elliepassmore · 4 years ago

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Dustborn review

3.5/5 stars Recommended for people who like: dystopia, survival, wastelands, end of the world, sci-fi TW: drug addiction, non-sexual human trafficking The setting for this book is about if you combine the Dust Bowl, dystopian sci-fi, and geo-storms. The gods have left the world and took the greenery and water with them, resulting in worldwide desertification. I liked the imagery of the small villages the packs lived in and trying to figure out what 'Old World' stuff was what (plas and Zuly's ark being some of the only obvious ones). Bowman executed well on the promise of a desert wasteland where everyone is struggling to survive and many don't. I especially think the setting throughout most of the book is juxtaposed well with the scenes involving Powder Town, the Barrel, and Bedrock. The concept of the Verdant as the only green space/safe haven is a bit overdone in my opinion. Every dystopic wasteland just has to have an untouched safe haven, right? No, but seriously, I think I would like it more if there was a haven, but not necessarily any promises of it being safe or less hard, just hard in a different way. At least Bowman put some interesting twists into the Verdant and I didn't actually mind how the concept ended up playing out throughout the novel. Character-wise, I think Delta is really the only character I liked throughout the entire novel. She's loyal to a fault (quite literally) and protective over her people, but that also means she makes rash decisions that aren't always smart if it means even a chance of taking care of them. She's already fairly hard in the beginning of the book and gets harder as it goes on, though she does end up softening up a bit toward the end. She doesn't always do stuff I agree with, but she's interesting to read. Asher was never really a character that I grew to like, let alone love. He's set up as Delta's childhood best friend and a love interest, but I don't think we really get enough of him for that to be something we as readers root for. He's a massive dick in the beginning, though I do get he's in a bad spot, still, and then he continuously lies, he tricks Delta more than once, etc., and I just feel that there's not enough good in between for me to start liking him. I don't dislike him by the end, but I also don't really care what happens to him. Reed is the same way, though he's set up to be distinctly villainous. Bowman wants us to care about him by the end of the book, and Delta clearly does (not in a love triangle way), but again I don't. By the time we get to Reed's good side, he's already done too much to fully come back. If the book were longer, I think maybe he could, but at the length it is now we're just not given enough time for that redemption arc. *SPOILER, SKIP TO NEXT PARAGRAPH* Though I 100% would not have blamed him for going ape shit after what Delta does to Rune and I get good intentions, but I have no idea why he stuck around after that *SPOILER END* Kara the Prime is the same way, though she starts off in the 'distinctly good' (or at least 'distinctly Not Bad') category. By the of the book Delta, admires her and looks up to her, but other than being a good strategist, I don't really know why. We barely know this woman and while she has great potential as a character, I'm again running into the issue where there just wasn't enough of her in the book for me to care about her character. Aside from the characters, I will say that for once I did not guess the twist(s). At the same time, though, I....do not know how I feel about the major twist in the book. Not to be egotistical, but I think my version was better, even if it wasn't really a true 'twist.' What Bowman actually had revealed as the foundation-shaking secret kind of took me out of the book and broke that suspension of belief. Up until then I had been ready to believe what Delta and everyone else was saying about things, I was even ready to believe a different explanation, but something about the actual explanation felt kind of cheap to me. I'll talk more about it below the cut if anyone wants to read more, but I will mention what the twist is, so... The concept for the story was good and I liked Delta and a majority of the journey she goes on. However, I didn't really feel like we got to see any other character's full arc, both Asher and Reed felt underdeveloped for where they both ended up at the end of the book. Likewise, Kara the Prime didn't feel developed enough (nor anyone else in the Trinity) for Delta to regard them the way she does at the end. Combined with the twist...while I liked portions of this book and couldn't put it down, I did have issues with it.

So, as mentioned, I was 100% ready to believe the gods had walked among people of the Old World and when they left, they did so with a vengeance. Fine. It's an apocalyptic/dystopian sci-fi, so I came into it ready to believe whatever Bowman set up in worldbuilding. Then, as the book went on, I was also ready to accept the idea that the gods weren't real and some other kind of widespread disaster had befallen the planet, be it global warming or nuclear war or whatever. In both scenarios it seemed plausible that there was some kind of fantastical element to the 'gods touched.' So, either way, I was either ready to believe in the gods or, as the 'foundation shaking' secret, that there weren't gods and the wasteland was manmade.

...which it was. Sort of. The actual explanation for things is that Dustborn takes place on a different planet that an Earth federation/corporation colonized. The planet was strip-mined, then the prisoners with computer chips controlling them had the chips malfunction, rebelled, and the Federation not only fled, but dropped bombs in the process, and a really active solar cycle came early and basically nailed the whole thing shut. The survivors got amnesia and were left to be led by the one person who didn't have a chip, who made up literally everything to give them 'hope.' Hope? Bro, the planet is dead. It doesn't support life on a largescale. The whole thing just felt kind of purposeless at that point. Like??? There are no gods and this is just another story about Earth colonizing a planet and leaving people behind on it to create their own civilization? That is...not really in-line with the book up until that point. It also felt like a genre shift since it kind of went from being apocalyptic sci-fi to speculative fiction. Plus, the reveal doesn't even seem to matter? Like, yeah they now know more about the planet, but that could've been done without the Earth-colonizing aspect. There don't really seem to be any repercussions of this, other than that the gods don't exist, which again could've been done differently, and even that doesn't particularly seem to matter to anyone outside of the main characters. That is perhaps my main issue with the 'reveal': 1) it doesn't align with anything else in the story up to that point, and 2) it has no real repercussions.

#book #book review #dustborn #erin bowman #fiction #ya fiction #dystopia #dystopian fiction #sci fi #wasteland #desert #survival story #tw drugs #tw human trafficking

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dumbkiri · 6 years ago

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My Universe

Part Two

Why do we fall?

Parts: [ 1, 2 ]

Summary: Jason returns home after two years and suddenly wants [Name] out of Wayne Manor for reasons he only knows. He finds out that [Name] is the key to a destructive future and needs to find out more about the legend he heard from Inklopiat, Aurora’s home world. If he fails to do so, [Name] may have to cease to exist.

Pairing: Damian Wayne x HoH!Female!Reader

Word Count: 2.8k sorry not that long

Genre: Slight Angst? Fluff?

WARNINGS: None...I think? I’m not sure

Again, Damian’s heart had skipped a beat. He felt it stop for a second then start up again. Why did his chest hurt when he saw the fresh tears fall down her rosy cheeks? Was it because he knew that the fighting had upset her and he still continued to banter with her father? He shouldn’t make her feel like this. He never wanted to be the reason she was crying.

“Please, tell me that you guys also witnessed what I witnessed,” Dick pleaded looking at [Name] with wide eyes. His expression made it seem like he saw something phenomenal. And if he was being completely honest, it was extraordinary.

On the other hand, Damian never removed his green eyes from bright [e.color] ones. She was only staring at him and he was only staring at her. He knew she wanted to speak to him, he felt it inside. Her lips parted then closed shortly after. Her tears had dried up and there was a slim red ring around the outside of her irises.

Her [h.color] hair was long, really long and rested above her waist. Her skin glowed a radiant [s.color] making her eyes pop out even more. She looked at him with pleading eyes. Her lips no longer quivering because she knew he got the message she was trying to convey. “I’ll stop,” Damian said softly. He gave one last look at Jason and lowered his fist.

It was like a switch in him flipped. He was no longer angry. He wasn’t upset at Jason for suddenly barging in without notice. All he felt was a sense of calmness and it was because of [Name]. “I’ll stop fighting, for you,” He whispered the last part and gently placed his hand on top of her head. Damian knew she couldn’t her the sincerity in his voice or his genuine words, but he still spoke. He felt that she understood him.

“What is going on here?” Alfred walked into the kitchen with haste and his feet came to a complete stop. His worn out blue eyes widening for a fraction. “Master Todd, you’re finally back,” Alfred said it with a tone of surprise.

Jason nodded his head, “Hey, Alfred.”

“Is that all you have to say?” Alfred said with quickness and an offended look on his face. He hasn’t seen this rogue boy in two years and he greets as if two years haven’t passed. “You left your daughter here at Wayne Manor for two years and you greet me like I haven’t done you a favor. As if your family hasn’t done a favor for you.”

Damian and Dick stayed silent. Alfred has never been so forward and harsh before. Forward and sarcastic, yes. But this was a different phase. A mood that didn’t show often during this time. It was probably because Alfred was so caught up with taking care of [Name] that most of the time this old man was filled with joy.

It dawned on Jason on how much pressure he put on his family. He left for two years without a word to any of them. Then his eyes loomed over to Dick. He did keep in touch with Dick and he wondered why it was only him. "I'm sorry that I left her behind. With Aurora gone, I felt lost. How could I, me," Jason pointed at himself with disgust, "raise a baby all on my own?"

"You are never alone, Master Todd," Alfred's glare turned into a caring look. Then he brought his gaze to Damian and- "Oh my, don't tell me that this young girl is [Name]." Alfred gestured to the ‘young girl’ hiding behind Damian’s back.

Stepping up, Dick nervously chuckled and walked over to the little girl. He placed his hands on her shoulders startling her. He gave her a warm smile and then looked up from her [e.color] eyes. “This is definitely the [Name] that was two years old five minutes ago,” Dick confirmed Alfred’s suspicions.

“I swear, there is always something that happens with you boys together,” Alfred shook his head with a deflated sigh.

……

“Her vitals are normal for a five year old kid,” Tim concluded pouring more coffee into his red mug. Then his fingers skimmed the keyboard typing along it. His eyes focused on the screen and analyzing the readings presented to him. “But her blood is quite special. From what Bruce has in his database, her blood is much like Superman’s.”

“So she’s an alien?” Dick asked.

Jason scoffed and placed his rough hands on his hips, “Half alien, Dick.” He pressed his lips in a thin line. His eyes scanned the room and he decided to come clean. “Aurora is from a planet called Inklopiat. It’s not too far from Earth, but it takes about six months to travel there. Any questions so far?”

The room was silent before Dick broke the ice. “You left telling me that you were visiting Aurora’s parents. Not to a different planet.”

“Wait,” Tim cut in, “he told you where he was going and you didn’t bother to tell us?”

“Hey, it was a tough time for him and if I knew he was traveling to outer space, I would have totally informed you guys,” Dick defended himself. “Kory knows more about space than I do, I could have at least let her travel with you.” Dick looked over at Jason.

“I asked her earlier, but Inklopiatians and Tamaraneans aren’t friendlies. I learned that the hard way, you were there Dick. When Aurora and Kory first met.” Jason’s words jogged Dick’s memory.

Dick chuckled, “Oh, I forgot about that incident.”

Damian stepped in, “Back to the priorities, we need to find out why [Name] aged three years within seconds.” His green eyes stayed on Jason. He had to learn from the Inklopiatians for a year. Which means Jason got some information. “Did the Inklopiatians tell you anything about what could happen to [Name]?”

Jason nodded his head, “They strongly believe in soulmates. There’s a legend about a man named Asht’n who was a fierce warrior. He only knew how to kill, it made everyone across the galaxy fear him. He went on rampages and murdered anyone who got in his way. The story is so old no one knew why he killed. Then one day it all stopped because he met a fair maiden. Her name was unknown and so were her orgins. All they know is that Asht’n fell in love with her and finally put his sword down just for her. Asht’n tried to make contact with the fair maiden, but she always ignored him. Little did he know was that she was deaf.”

Jason paused and watched [Name] play with her stuffed lion with Alfred.

“When he found that out, Asht’n used his actions to show her how much he loved her. Of course, the fair maiden was also infatuated with the mysterious man. She accepted his gifts of love and when he confessed to her, the fair maiden cried. She cried because she could finally hear his voice for the first time. They lived happily together and raised a family. Some hundred years passed and Inklopiat was born. Keep in mind, all the children are born deaf until their soulmate realizes their love for them.”

“I was waiting for some other guy to pop in and take the maiden away from Asht’n. So the question is, their story ends happily?” Tim questioned as he was quite taken by the legend of Inklopiat.

“Yes, their story ends happily, Timbo. Fun fact, for you, Inklopiatians also enhance their age to match their soulmates. [Name] obviously knows who her soulmate is and is trying her best to catch up with them.” Jason carefully glanced over at Damian.

……

‘My granddaughter is very special, Jason,” Queen Nadia’n smiled as she placed green flowers on the kitchen table. She sprayed them with water and placed the sprayer on the table. A maid came by and picked it up then scurried away. “Aurora’n and I always knew that [Name] would be special.”

Jason shook his head and took a sip of the drink that a maid offered him, “Why do you say that?” He set down on a ledge looking out to the stars Inklopiat had to offer. The twinkling reminding him of his girlfriend. His heart still ached for her touch and her voice.

Queen Nadia’n walked out to the porch and stood next to her daughter’s soulmate, “Because the Elders said so. They told us that when you and Jayd’n were out catching the Saloms out by the river.”

Jason chuckled, “I hated those Saloms, they were sneaky bastards.”

“Language, Jays’n,” Queen Nadia’n gently scolded then she took the cup from his hand. Her eyes changed colors repeating a pattern from brown to blue to green to hazel. “The Elders blessed you and Aurora’n with a special child. A child that could end wars and stop the biggest foes even the Justice League has faced.” She put the cup down on the ledge.

“You’re telling me that [Name] has the power to take down anyone she wants? Even Superman?” Jason wasn’t believing a word she said. “I don’t get it, [Name] is only half Inklopiatian and the other half is human. I have no power to my name.”

Queen Nadia’n shook her head, “Jays’n, let me show you something the Elders want you to see. A vision that shows [Name]’s true powers.”

……

Jason never felt so scared in his life before. Laying at his feet was Batman covered in wounds and blood. Next to him was Barbara and Timothy all in the same disturbing fashion Batman was in. Their costumes had various holes in them and Batman’s mask was torn off. He knelt down and took Bruce’s face into his hands. “Bruce, wake up,’ Jason pleaded and looked around his surroundings. Everything was destroyed. Gotham was no longer standing.

“Father, is that you?” Jason heard a trembling voice coming from behind him. Slowly, Jason placed Bruce’s head down and he stood up. He turned his body to the voice and saw [Name] all grown up. Her hair was down and blowing along with the wind. Her face covered in dirt, but her eyes remained unchanged. They had not stopped sparkling.

“[Name], what happened here?” Jason asked cautiously stepping over the bodies that littered at his feet. He noticed Wonder Woman with her lasso held weakly with bloody and broken fingers. He saw Superman groaning with rubble above his chest, his breathing shallow. Aquaman was surrounded by a ring of fire and he was also passed out. “Please, tell me you didn’t do this.” Jason whispered.

[Name] took a shaky breath in, “I had no choice, they were going to kill me.” She clenched her fists tightly and a tear streamed down her face. She was holding back. “Father, they thought I killed him.” She pointed down the hill and Jason stopped walking. Surrounded by a multitude of flowers was the one and only, Damian Wayne.

The young Wayne had blood leaking from his mouth and a lone stream went down his chin. His back resting against the mountain of rubble. His eyes closed shut with dark bags underneath. His hands clutching onto a dagger and the other held a rose. “They thought I killed my soulmate, but I was only trying to protect him.”

Jason ran over to Damian, not believing what he saw. Damian was strong, stronger than anyone. Jason put two fingers against Damian’s neck and found no pulse. Damian was indeed dead. He looked behind him and at the fallen Justice League. They were all either dead or on the verge of dying. “[Name],” Jason called out to his daughter from below the hill, “who were you protecting him from?”

[Name] sniffled and wiped her eyes with the sleeve of her shirt. Her entire body was trembling and Jason didn’t know if it was from fear or...the adrenaline pumping throughout her body. Her clothes, the only damage done to it was that there was blood and dirt on it. She seemed to be unharmed, but he knew that her heart was breaking inside. It was like he was watching himself when he saw Aurora flatline.

“Hey, Princess,” Jason called out to her gently. He carefully climbed up the mountain of rubble being wary not to disturb Damian’s resting place. His hands gripped the top of the hill and he pushed himself upward. Jason would have lost his footing if [Name] didn’t grip his forearm to keep his balance. She looked at him with red eyes due to her crying. “I know you meant no harm to them. Although I need you to tell me who killed Damian, it’s important.” Jason clarified with importance.

At the mention of his name, [Name] cried more. “We were investigating the League. Damian believed that his grandfather came back to life and I told him that it wasn’t wise to go without Bruce. He didn’t listen to me.”

“The League? You mean to say Ra’s al Ghul is alive?” Jason asked dumbstruck by her words.

“They sent us a calling card,” [Name] pointed down the hill where Damian rested. She didn’t dare lay her eyes upon him though. She was ashamed that with her limitless power, she couldn’t save her soulmate. “The dagger that he holds, it’s from Talia. Damian said so because of the carving.”

Jason’s vision was starting to get blurry. [Name] noticed this and she brought her father in for a tight hug. “You have to promise me something, Father.”

Jason wrapped his arms around his daughter, “What is it, Princess?”

She pulled away just enough to look into his gunmetal eyes. He wiped her tears away and held her chin up high. She smiled at him, “Promise me that whatever happens, you keep Damian away from me. This is what the future holds if we are together, Father.”

“But you two are meant for each other. Soulmates are-”

“There’s more to the legend of Asht’n and the Maiden. In that story lies the truth. Father, if you don’t find the truth before Damian confesses to me on my 17th birthday then you have to keep him away from me. If not, the Justice League will come after me and so will Ra’s al Ghul.” [Name] explained more to him. She would have told him more, but her grandmother was pulling him out of the vision. “Promise me?”

“H-how do I keep you two apart? You guys are practically inseparable, Damian won’t let go of you.” Jason gripped her shoulders. He felt like vomiting right now. Something was pulling at his chest.

[Name] outstretched her hand and the dagger from Damian’s hand levitated to her empty one. Her fingers wrapped around the hilt of the dagger and her eyes glared at the weapon. “I’m not sure,” She brought her bright [e.color] eyes to him, “but when the time comes I’m sure you’ll know what to do. You’re a smart guy.” Adult [Name] finished with a smile.

……

Finally, Jason woke up from his episode and took a deep breath as he was trying to make sense of his surroundings. Apparently, he was on the floor of the bat cave because standing above him was his brothers. Damian had his arms crossed over his chest and most likely said something along a smart remark prior to him waking up. Meanwhile Tim and Dick were genuinely confused as to why Jason had suddenly passed out.

Before he could tell them what happened, [Name] had came into his view with her beautiful eyes. He sat up and blinked once at her appearance. Promise me. Future [Name]’s voice echoed in his head and Jason subconsciously nodded his head which in turn made little [Name] smile. She jumped into his lap and wrapped her tiny arms around his neck. Jason was astounded that she hugged him first. Did she know who he was?

That doesn’t matter right now, Jason mentally scolded himself. He had to make a promise to her and he was going to find out the truth about the legend in Inklopiat or else he would have to deal with [Name] himself. Jason hugged his little girl back with the same amount of love she gave him and pressed a kiss at the top of her head, “I promise, Princess. I’ll find out the truth.”

......

Tags: @zalladane @buchanangaby @poisoned-pineapple @i-dont-even-know-fck @diabeticsugarush

#Damian Wayne #damian and dick #damian wayne x reader #damian wayne imagine #Jason Todd #jason todd imagine #batman imagine #batfam imagine #batman #dc imagine #DC Universe #slight angst #my universe

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kassies-take · 5 years ago

Text

Kane Vs Luthor

SuperBat^2 (Kara/Kate) all earths have merged so Batwomans Gotham and Supergirls National City exist on the same earth (Star City also exists next to NC as does Central City so Kate gets a Costume from Cisco and Kara gets a device from him so she can become more human when she needs to) Kate and Lena end up in a battle of wits while trying to take over CatCo. Humour/Serious/Romance/NSFW

A/n: I don’t know how this gonna go down but thank you for giving me the opportunity to try something new. I also don’t know what you mean by take over Catco? Did you want the two CEOs to try to buy Catco for Kara? Ooh ideas just popped into my head!

Warnings:

SuperBat^2, Supercorp, (Insert ship name for Lena and Kate)

Word Count: 1966

Kara had hope. She is the Paragon of Hope after all. After Crisis she desperately wanted to have a certain Luthor by her side again. Back when flowers filled her office, back when brunch was a weekly thing, back when she could’ve shared her secret, back when they were best friends. But the Luthor, the Luthor wanted nothing to do with the Super after her betrayal and hurt.

Kate, Paragon of Courage. Batwoman had the courage to come out as a lesbian to all of Gotham, and confront her past. All with a bit of help from the Girl of Steel, now it was her turn to repay the favor.

A knock interrupted Kara’s staring contest with the refrigerator. She lowered her glasses and looked towards the door. A benefit to having x-ray vision, no peep hole needed.

“Kate?” Kara walked towards the door. “What are you doing here?” She moved out of the way to let the brunette in.

“We spent the beginning of crisis looking for the Paragon of Courage together, and the later half stuck in the Vanishing Point together. You have the same face of lost hope, when you video called for Batwoman’s coming out, like the one then. Thought I come by and check on you.”

“W-What about Gotham?”

“The Crows have Alice, Gotham can last a few days without the bat. It lasted three years before. And if the city really needs Batwoman, the World’s Finest would be there.” Kate opened Kara’s fridge for a beer and walked towards the blonde on the couch. “So.”

“What?” Kara grabbed the remaining potstickers from her coffee table and began to stuff her mouth trying to avoid the elephant in the room.

“What has made the Girl of Steel lose a bit of hope?” Kate asked while pointing the bottle top at Kara before she grabbed the bottleneck to open the beer with her bat-a-rang.

“Lex is running the D.E.O now and the whole world thinks he’s this... hero.”

“Lex Luthor a major dick huh,” Kate sat down next to Kara.

“You have no idea. I want to know what he’s up to.”

“Well we know Lex Luthor is a psychopathic lunatic, who wants to take over the world,” Kate took a sip.

“I know that, but...”

“What is his plan?”

The two sat quietly in Kara’s loft trying to think of ideas of Lex’s plan. That was until Kate spotted a picture in Kara’s open journal.

“Who is this?” Kate teased as she held up the photo of Kara and Lena.

“Lena, she was my best friend.”

“Was?”

“She’s Lex’s sister. But she’s not like him or the rest of the family, she’s good. Before Crisis I betrayed her, kept the biggest secret from her. Lex told her. She had a mission to make sure no one could hurt each other again, because I had hurt her when everyone in her life had already done so. She told me, all those times I checked in on her at her office, during brunch, game night and each one of those times she told me about her Achilles heel. And now, now she’s got her wish that I experience the same thing she has. She wouldn’t even look at me now, and she’s working with Lex.”

“Were you two close?”

“When I was around her I didn’t have to feel like I had to be Supergirl. I was normal, and I didn’t have to worry about the weight of the world on my shoulders.”

“Like she’s the only one who truly knows you, and not your alter ego. Yeah I know how you feel.”

“Luke?”

“Ex-girlfriend actually. Sophie Moore which gives me the impression that she is more than a friend to you.”

“She’s my best friend, she’s my family.”

Kate froze and stared, eyebrows furrowed at the oblivious girl in front of her.

“I appreciate you coming here, Kate. I don’t mean to kick you out but I have work in the morning and Andrea would not be happy if I’m late.”

“Tomorrow is a Saturday, you could help me on my suit though.”

“You brought your suit here?”

“Well no, but Cisco said my suit ‘is too last crisis’” Kate used quotations as she said it.

“Huh maybe Cisco could help me with something.”

“You already have an upgrade on your suit, did you want another one?”

“Oh no, a gadget actually or something you know to help me feel more human. To be Kara Danvers and not Kara Zor-El or Supergirl.”

“Like forever?”

“Just when I want to be.”

The World’s Finest Duo entered Star Labs greeted with hugs and shouts. The shouts were mainly by Cisco, he was excited to show off the new bat suit.

“Ta-da!” Cisco pulled off the white sheet in the main corridor.

Barry had his arms crossed, as Caitlyn and Iris turned their heads to the side, Kara’s eyebrows creased together with her mouth slightly open, and Kate was the only one with courage to speak the truth.

“What’s the difference between this and my old suit.”

Cisco gasped in mock hurt. “Excuse me, your old suit may have Kevlar armor, damage recording, night vision lenses, and a defibrillator. But this! This baby can fly!”

The suit began to levitate as Cisco gushed at his own creation.

“And what if it runs out of battery?” Kate asked. “I wouldn’t want to fall out of the sky.”

“I’m glad you asked,” Cisco pointed to Kate before he tapped something on his tablet. “Kinetic storage! Everytime you move in the suit it charges it AND BAM nanotechnology! You can get to scenes quicker!”

“That’s so cool!” Kara smiled.

“Come on let’s try this baby out!” Cisco drummed his hands against the shoulder of the suit. “Barry has the ring, Kara has the glasses, J’onn with his shape shifting, and you, you get a necklace!”

“A necklace? Really Cisco?” Iris shrugged.

“Yeah yeah it’s all Black Pantery, not that origin-“

“I was hoping for more of a pizzazz,” Iris waved her hands in the air, displaying jazz hands.

“Okay, I see how it is. You try improving a suit that was already impressive.” Cisco sassed.

Ralph walked in moments later. “Oh hey, love the new suit Cisco, I’ve got info on our meta.”

“Thank you! At least someone has an eye for beauty.”

“Alright, Ralph and I will check it out.” A gust of wind blew around the corridor.

Cisco asked Kate for her birthstone necklace and placed some emitter on the back of it. “When you need the suit it’ll know.”

The suit slowly appeared on Kate’s body as the whole room now found it impressive.

“And for my favorite Kryptonian.” Cisco held out a bracelet.

“Is this blue Kryptonite?” Kara asked.

“So based on our existing world history, not only does blue K not affect you like Bazzaro, it can also suppress Kryptonian powers. When you whip off your glasses for your suit to materialize, the lead lined glasses would engulf the blue K letting you become Super. Superbat 2.0. Try them on, and see how it works.”

“So you want Kara to punch me while I fly away.”

“Okay when you put it like that, it makes it sound less interesting.”

Kara and Kate thanked Cisco after their test run. Things went back to normal, well as normal is it can get with the World’s Finest, for the next eight weeks. Andrea decided to focus more on Obsidian North than on Catco, therefore selling it with two potential buyers. Lena Luthor and Kate Kane.

Ms. Kane and Ms. Luthor continuously went back and forth without giving Ms. Rojas the ability to jump in and agree or disagree with the two other billionaires in the room.

“Okay, I’m going to go to the editorial meeting. You ladies should figure this out between the two of you before you come to me of who is buying and at what price. I don’t even care if it is less than what I bought it for, just get Catco out of my hands.”

“1 billion,” Lena crossed her arms in and leaned against her chair.

“Is that how much you’re willing to pay for Catco?” Kate asked.

“I don’t care about how much money I pay for it as long as I can make Kara happy.”

“So you are buying Catco for it’s Pulitzer prize winning reporter.”

Lena was confused, as far as she knew Kara Danvers never got a Pulitzer prize, not since the multiverse was changed. So how could this insignificant real estate, tattoo covered asshole from Gotham know about what wasn’t even possible.

“The lines on your forehead indicate that you are confused. That or you are just getting old,” Kate smirked. “And to answer your old lady confusion, Kara and I saved the multiverse, along with that no good brother of yours. Which you still work with despite the reality of his psychotic mind.”

“Working with Lex was the only way I could keep an eye on him without causing any suspicions and to protect Superfriends from his ultimate plan.”

“Yet your plan was to sit around while he did awful things?”

“What more could I have done? Sleep around with someone while being in love with someone else?” Lena called out Kate.

It was Kate’s turn to be speechless.

“Don’t think I don’t know Ms.Kane. You have all these tattoos to show you don’t care and is a player but deep down you really care for someone.”

“I could say the same for you Ms. Luthor. It is not all that surprising that you brought up sleeping with someone else and loving someone while we talk about Kara. That every time you are in a room with Kara, your eyes subtly move towards her arms or how you unconsciously bite your lip.”

“What goes on in my mind about Kara has nothing to do with this.”

“It takes one to know one, Luthor. I’m just stating the facts.”

The room fell into silence for the first time since the younger Kane and the younger Luthor walked into the office. That was until a happy, beaming Golden Retriever walked into the room.

“Kate! You’re here!” Kara ran to give her a hug. “What are you doing here?”

“Andrea is selling Catco, wanted to see my chance of getting it. But it seems I have competition.” Kara followed Kate’s line of sight and noticed Lena.

“Lena! You’re here!” Kara ran towards Lena before she hesitated to give her a hug. Before the whole betrayal there would’ve been no hesitation but now, now she didn’t know what the right thing to do was.

“I am, and when I buy it back. You will be editor in chief.”

“No need to kiss ass, Luthor. We are both trying to buy Catco for the same reason.”

“What is that reason?” Kara smiled.

“I’m surprised you didn’t hear Kara. You’re the one with super hearing.” Lena whispered dangerously close to Kara’s ear.

“I-uh. I got a. I got a device from Cisco. He made something for me so I wouldn’t constantly need to control my strength and be human like you guys.”

“Well feel free to use all your strength with me.” Lena bit Kara’s earlobe before she walked away.

“I’ll tell Andrea, I’m buying then?”

“Oh sweetheart, I’m not going to make it that easy.”

“Kate please save me.” Kara was redder than a tomato.

“I think you should follow her.”

“You’re right. I’ll go do that.”

Andrea walked in the moment Kara left. “So it turns out Lena is buying Catco?”

“Huh what, okay,” Kate did not realize she agreed to Lena buying Catco. She was confused with how that whole thing played out.

#supercorp #superbat^2 #kate kane x lena luthor #kara danvers #kate kane #lena luthor #barry allen #iris west allen #caitlin snow #cisco ramon #ralph dibny #andrea rojas #supergirl #supergirl imagines #supergirl imagine #batwoman #batwoman imagines #batwoman imagine #arrowverse

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makeste · 6 years ago

Text

BnHA Chapter 244: Have You Read This Book

Previously on BnHA: Deku visited his mom on New Year’s Eve and was all “here’s a new letter from my ever-expanding fanclub of adorable preschoolers whom I saved from trauma” and Inko was all, “I’M SO PROUD OF YOU IZUKU I FEEL LIKE I DON’T HAVE TO PROTECT YOU ANYMORE” because she doesn’t watch the news at all or keep track of ominous plot developments I guess. The next morning, a.k.a. New Year’s Fucking Day, while other kids their age visited shrines or sat at home watching TV, Izuku, Shouto, and Katsuki were bussed off to go be child soldiers at Endeavor’s hero agency. Katsuki was all “HEY ENDEAVOR YOU’RE KIND OF A DICK,” and Endeavor was all “SHOUTO IS THIS VULGAR AND PUGNACIOUS YOUTH REALLY YOUR FRIEND” and Shouto was all “TOO LATE DAD, YOU SAID!!” and Endeavor hmmphed and booked it out of there and the kids all followed him and there was this old dude with a beard floating around screaming about END TIMES!! and Hawks was there and, what?? Seriously does anyone actually know what’s going on?

Today on BnHA: Endeavor chases down the old man (who may in fact be an actual prophet, though? Horikoshi what games are you playing) and sets him on fire and tackles him and it’s all very violent. Hawks then appears out of nowhere and breaks up BakuDeku’s tag team effort all “SAVE IT FOR THE MOVIE YOU TWO!” and is then all “hi Shouto” and “hi, you must be Midoriya, Tokoyami told me all about you, I wanted to work with you too, BUT -- [stares off angstily into the distance].” Then, because I forgot that Hawks never shuts up, he’s all, “Hey Endeavor have you ever heard of this book, ‘Paranormal Liberation Front’? Don’t let the really dumb-sounding title put you off, it’s actually a rousing tale full of hidden clues about all the bullshit I’m actually up to. I highlighted the relevant portions if you can’t be assed to read it, well anyways, Hail Hydra.” “Well that was a strange conversation,” Endeavor thinks to himself as he stares uncomprehendingly into the void. Sob someone please help them why are they so bad at this oh god.

(All comments are my unspoiled reactions from my initial readthrough of the chapter. I did a quick edit for grammar and clarity immediately afterward, and added a few ETAs in the process, but aside from that there are no changes.)

so thanks to that little stunt Horikoshi pulled two weeks ago, our chances of finding out Bakugou’s hero name any time within the next dozen chapters are slimmer than ever. probably he’ll reveal it at the end of the arc instead. it’s like he doesn’t even care about the databook. whatever I’ll have plenty of time to sulk more about it after I get to readin’

anyway the title of the new chapter is “Recommendation”, so... actually that does sound fairly promising, though? am I just eternally doomed to get my hopes up? is this referring to Shouto pestering his dad to take on his two best friends as fellow interns? what’s going on here

anyway so we’re opening with this

I love that it’s the two supposed goody-two-shoes kids who are actually being vocal about blatantly disregarding Endeavor’s orders. Shouto is just not having it to begin with, whereas Deku at least is trying to rationalize his own reckless behavior. Katsuki meanwhile is too focused on doing this fancy kick move to switch his suitcase from his left hand to his right to bother talking right now. reminds me of him playing with the soccer ball as a youngling

also the fact that his case is number 17 and Deku’s is number 18. have I talked about this before? I think I have but it was with some other numbered thing. anyways love the symbolism of him trying to stay one step ahead of him and Deku always being right on his heels. or maybe I’m reading too much into it but anyways rivals, yay

damn Endeavor is really determined to get ahead of them though

uh oh Horikoshi how much action did you pack into this chapter. starting to run out of time to finish all your panels again huh. you had a whole extra week! how fucking insane is this arc going to be holy shit

anyways Endeavor way to leave your brand new interns behind minutes after meeting them for the first time smdh. this is exactly how it went down with Hawks and Tokoyami

okay so like, I know a flash fire is an actual thing, but for a second I started wondering if in this kind of context (with him speeding off), it might also be a reference to the DC hero. then I remembered that the name of Endeavor’s technique is different in Japanese and the pun probably doesn’t translate. ah well

anyways dude is fast. but I wouldn’t count the kids out yet, they’re all pretty fast too!

so now we’re back downtown with Old Man Doom And Gloom, and oddly enough it seems that this isn’t actually an out-of-the-ordinary occurrence?

fucking quirk society. you guys are just so desensitized to the most bizarre fucking things. but I guess we in the 21st century are hardly ones to talk ourselves sigh

anyway now he’s being a bit more extra than usual and they’re starting to worry

?? the fuck is that? that sure as hell isn’t Hawks or Endeavor lmao. IF IT’S SLIDIN’ GO I SWEAR TO GOD

or wait, is it still the old man talking? should I actually be paying attention to his ramblings, my bad

is that a fucking Spirit Bomb

(ETA: in truth this is the most badass attack name that has ever existed or will ever exist and I should give it its proper due actually.)

so now I guess he’s hurtling it at them??

...hold up one sec

“revelations from the universe, I have received. flee, flee good citizens. the Dark Lord’s lips curl into a wicked crescent” -- holy shit, this all tracks?? IS THIS DOOMSDAY CRACKPOT MOTHERFUCKER ACTUALLY RIGHT ON THE FUCKING MONEY HOLY SHIT. ARE YOU A WITCH GOOD SIR. DID YOU WRITE A BOOK OF HIGHLY ACCURATE AND DEVASTATINGLY WITTY PROPHECIES BY ANY CHANCE

“the end is nigh! the wicked stars are conspiring against us! we must stop them! the earth is on the verge of being engulfed by darkness! flee, my fellow citizens! I am the one who shall destroy this source of darkness! be revealed! servants of the dark lord, come forth!”

okay listen. if he’s aiming this fucking thing at Hawks, though, after a speech like that? fuck it, I’m a believer. I’m sorry old man, I wrote you off without a second thought and here you are being the only one who’s actually like “HELLO!!!? PEOPLE!!!? THE LEAGUE OF VILLAINS!!?! THEY HAVE AN ARMY!!? AND NOUMUS!??! FUUUUUUUUCK”

and I don’t know where you’re getting your information, but those are some legit-ass universe revelations. fucking even talks about the “Dark Lord” specifically only describing his lips. because he doesn’t have anything else to describe nowadays, face-wise. shit that is spooky

anyway so that sure was unexpected. let’s see what shenanigans Master Roshi here is gonna get himself into next

did my boy just get fucking flashfired. jesus Endeavor show some fucking mercy

...

someone want to explain to this man the concept of a proportionate response? anyone? ...

fucking Todorokis I swear to god. if they weren’t all so good at being amazing superheroes, they could easily fall back on a career of being dramatic bitches for hire instead

anyways when did Endeavor change his clothes. this dude was wearing a turtleneck and slacks thirty seconds ago. did he literally just burn them off. how. what. fucking plot holes left and right

lol imagine if like on the next page the interns finally catch up and they’re like holding his fucking jacket and looking peeved

-- holy fucking shit, Endeavor

not cool, dude!! what the fuck. this isn’t a fucking Noumu for fuck’s sake THAT IS A HUMAN PERSON

(ETA: I guess he ended up being okay, but shit, for a moment it looked like we were going full blown Raiders of the Lost Ark over here. anyways the moral of this story is that Endeavor is terrifying, fuck.)

so now of course Nostradamus is trying to get the fuck out of there, because if he sticks around Endeavor apparently has no qualms about burning him alive. fuck me Endeavor, I’m still rooting for your redemption arc my dude, but tbh if Dabi happens to pop up out of nowhere here looking for some revenge I’m not gonna say no to it right now. quit burning people alive!!

so now 12/21/2012 is zooming down an alley and Endeavor is zooming after him and telling some extra with a sword to stay and lead the evacuation

oh??

Endeavor have you flown yourself right into a trap?

oh my god what the fuck is this

it’s like Dabi VS the Liberation Army all over again. fucking check all these motherfuckers who apparently want to get themselves deep fried. this one guy really thinks he’s going to clock the Number One with a piece of fucking PVC pipe

LMAOOOOO

LOOKS LIKE WE GOT OURSELVES A RUCKUS, BOYS! you better believe I have the Powerpuff Girls theme song playing in my head right now

-- !!!

HAWKS!! I WAS STARTING TO WONDER IF YOU REALLY WERE THERE TOO OR IF THE PANELS IN THE PREVIOUS CHAPTER WERE DELIBERATELY MISLEADING

LOOOOOOL

pour one out for these poor sobs who somehow got themselves caught up in an accidental pincer attack between the dynamic fucking duo and fucking Angry Bird here. where the fuck is Shouto btw. or is he the one that got stuck carrying Endeavor’s jacket

loool look at Hawks out here making friends

SURPRISE BITCH

oh my god though you guys look at this??

HELLO SURPRISE NEW FAVORITE SERIES OF PANELS, CAN I JUST TAKE A MOMENT TO LOVE ON YOU A BIT HERE, BECAUSE

1. Bakugou and Deku IN PERFECT SYNC, not even thinking about it. just effortless. that was an amazing tag team thing you guys had going on before SOMEONE stepped in and ruined it all omg. do you want me to talk to Hawks for you. I’ve been meaning to discuss some other things with him anyway so it’s not like it’d be going out of my way. can you believe this fucking pigeon blocked my number. WHERE IS JEANIST YOU BASTARD

anyways 2. “I thought Endeavor might have been in a tough spot” that’s a funny way of saying “I was lonely and missed my angry arson dad”! and fucking look at this ridiculous bantering between them. “did it look like I was in a tough spot?” I FUCKING CAN’T YOU GUYS PLEASE STOP

and 3. Shouto just watching. is he impressed by his dad? or just trying to figure out whether Hawks is his dad’s adopted son or boyfriend. I’m pretty sure it’s the former, Shouto, but I don’t blame you for being confused, Hawks just has that kind of energy with everyone

oh my god

somebody arrest this man. I can’t fucking deal with your cheeky fucking face Hawks

is Skeptic getting all of this?? are they sitting there with bowls of popcorn back at the League of Pliff HQ trying to figure out whether Endeavor and Hawks are dating

...and shit, I just realized the League officially knows now that the disaster trio is interning with the number one. so that’s fucking great. not that it would have been a secret for long, but still, things are officially starting to get real. in hindsight, after the Kamino arc we had a nice long stretch of chapters in which Deku, Kacchan, and Shouto were not in immediate danger from the main fucking villains, so that was nice while it lasted I guess. those days will soon be behind us

ahhhklkljkl

fucking shit Hawks could you be any more ominous. oh my god this arc really is going to kill me

so now we’re cutting away to somewhere. Pliff?

-- oh, nope, still in the same place, we just fast-forwarded to the part where the police came to haul all the bad guys away

and now the manga is being all clever and foreshadowing-y and would you look at this

BUT IS HE TALKING ABOUT ENDEAVOR, OR HAWKS omg. or hell, he could even be talking about Deku. or AFO even though he’s not actually there. point is, you know he’s not actually wrong. but what is he actually trying to tell us ahhhhhh Servant of the Stars please reveal your secrets

(ETA: in all seriousness you guys, I’m fully down for counting this as a prophecy. it’s already canon that future-seeing quirks are a thing, so. the only problem is that this is some Game of Thrones-level ambiguity as far as who he’s actually talking about. it seriously could be anyone. anyways at least we’ve got some shiny new theory material to play around with here so that’s nice.)

LMAO

HAWKS YOU BASTARD, JUST LIKE THAT I’VE FORGIVEN YOU FOR THE FUCKING JEANOCIDE

how does every single person Deku meets not greet him this way?? I sure as hell would. “well if it isn’t the kid who just. fuckin blew up his own hands on live television, multiple times. salutations”

anyways where’s Katsuki, the boy whose previous hero mentor you murdered in cold blood but he doesn’t actually know that yet. when are we gonna start in on that?

Hawks says he’s heard about Deku from Tokoyami. and he even says he would have liked to work with Deku too, wow. that’s high praise

ffffff here it comes, THAT GOOD HAWKS ANGST. WE WERE WAITING FOR THIS BUT IT’S STILL BRUTAL GAH

is this entire arc just going to consist of Hawks saying cryptic things with double meanings known only to him and then glancing sideways at the camera all broodingly omg

AH, THERE HE IS

Katsuki’s natural instinct to dislike 100% of newcomers on sight might work out to his advantage here. Hawks’s maxed-out Charisma stats VS Katsuki’s middling Perception stats which nonetheless have a tendency to land high whenever he performs an ability check! I might need to back off from this metaphor though before it becomes really obvious that I don’t actually play D&D

lol

omg Endeavor can’t a guy just drop in on his grumpy pal out of the blue to make sure he’s doing okay without having some sort of ulterior motive? why are you so sure that Hawks showing up means that plot must be happening. because you’re not wrong, is the thing. but he’s probably just being standoffish for show

holy shit and now Hawks is just pulling out the Liberation Army’s book just like that?? IS HE ALLOWED TO DO THAT

(ETA: “let’s see, what’s a subtle way I can try and clue Endeavor in on the fact that I’ve become an undercover agent in the Paranormal Villain League of Liberation Front Armies. ... ...shit I’m not good at this.”)

and since when was this book called “Paranormal Liberation Front”?? did they change the title to match the new name?

and what’s Hawks’s game here, though? is he going to play it as though he’s secretly investigating Pliff? you know, like he actually is doing? is this some kind of hiding in plain sight thing or what

guys. is Hawks just... actually really bad at being a secret agent. omg

so he’s all “DESTRO’S IDEALS ARE EVERYTHING WE COULD ASK FOR” and lol what. fucking look at Endeavor’s face though

this motherfucker could use a boost of his own wisdom stats, fff

(ETA: swear to god he’s two seconds away from a Katsuki-style “hah?!”)

oh my god

fucking fuck me. he better have highlighted a really obvious section of that book, because otherwise I’m not gonna hold out hope for this message getting across at all. at least we know what that “recommendation” title was referring to now I guess

(ETA: Endeavor: [reading the highlighted section backwards] “‘‘it’s fun to smoke marijuana’!? what in the --”)

loooool

the fate of the world now rests upon Endeavor’s abilities to See Underneath The Underneath and somehow decipher that when Hawks says, “ENDEAVOR I CHASED YOU DOWN IN ORDER TO GIVE YOU A COPY OF THIS BOOK THE VILLAINS WROTE, I THINK IT’S REALLY KEEN AND YOU SHOULD CHECK IT OUT”, what he’s really saying is, “ENDEAVOR I NEED YOU TO INVESTIGATE THIS SUSPICIOUS ‘LIBERATION FRONT’ THAT’S BEEN COINCIDENTALLY GATHERING A LOT OF ATTENTION SINCE THAT SHADY INCIDENT IN DEIKA CITY WHERE ‘TWENTY GUYS' BASICALLY DESTROYED AN ENTIRE TOWN. IF YOU’RE TOO DENSE TO PICK UP ON ANY OF THAT, I HIGHLIGHTED THE RELEVANT PORTION OF THE BOOK SO HOPEFULLY EVEN AN OBLIVIOUS DUMBBELL LIKE YOU CAN FIGURE IT OUT.” jesus christ

at least Endeavor now has some nerdy interns who fucking love to read. hell, Deku has probably already read the book. please help this dumb jock to understand his bird son’s coded message, Deku-Wan Kenobi, you’re our only hope

and that’s the end of the chapter! except that I heard there was a new poster for Heroes Rising that was released as well! how come it wasn’t included here now I have to go hunt it down

son of a bitch is this really the best quality that’s available? damn

well all right. not really much going on here that’s a big revelation or anything, aside from the surprise inclusion of Hawks in the upper right hand corner. did we know he was going to be in this? and like, even if the anime does make it as far as his debut in season 4, will it have reached that point by the time the movie premieres in December? glad I caught up beforehand if they’re gonna start spoiling things like this

so that’s all she wrote for this week! databook is due out next week so that should be fun! we’re finally going to get Hawks’s real name from what I understand. so I can start yelling at him using his full name like a disappointed mom. I have a feeling that’s going to come in handy a lot during this arc. go to your room young man

(ETA: and just watch it be the Japanese equivalent of “Judas McMurder” or some shit. smh. y’all. we stan a shady bitch.)

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muhammedhussein · 5 years ago

Text

Chapter 1: CASE NO. 251: Sylas - mild retardation

It shouldn't have been there, and yet, there it was. A violation of human existence. An abomination of society. A Homo Sapien, living among us Homo Evolutis with his genitalia still intact. How that ape-like figure was able to cheat the system for over two-hundred-and-fifty years remains an enigma, an irregularity for all, and something for the Feds to figure out.

That thing should have been sterilized. Placed in quarantine or a menagerie once it turned to legal adult age. But no, none of that happened. That atrocity was right there in front of Calvin, dangling in that tightly locked room. It had lived in public, procuring and consuming from the limited resources left. And scarce they are...

... for most at least.

The guardians of that abomination were taken into custody. And just like their human-like-ape, they would have to endure being ripped apart in an investigation of their own. Had the father checked his seed before impregnating his property? Had he had his baby-factory checked, authenticating that she had good eggs? If not... that would be violation no.1, with a mild punishment of 50 years imprisonment. If they had gone through the proper channels, another question would emerge: did they know about their offsprings' retardation? For their sakes, the response had better be a solid 'No.' Any doubt that the caretakers knew, the ultimate punishment would be applied without hesitation, removing their stem-cell data from every ledger of any medical facility. No possibility of regeneration. No organ or bone regrowth. Just a whole bunch of loose skin, illness, and ultimately, death. Some of the disgraced people even got the diseases of our ancestors, like heart attacks, flu, Alzheimer's, diabetes, and/or cancer. A horrible way to go.

Yeah, their answer had better be a big solid 'No', Calvin the Carnivore thought. But even if their denials were persuasive, convincing a committee of six of your innocence is pretty doubtful. Especially when cynical Mr. Stone is taking residence in one of the seats. And undoubtedly, in a case this pivotal, he will be. Guilty until proven innocent.

The Carnivore locked his snags into the case like a black bulldog into a warm slab of meat, savoring every squirt of blood, every wiry tendon. As vain as it might be, he loved getting all the attention of his co-workers. Still, it wasn't the reason why his less than pearly-whites revealed themselves into something resembling a smile. No... Today was the day Calvin the Carnivore took on his 251st case, finally matching the long-standing record of the bureau, set by the infamous Terrell the Carnivore, Calvins' grandfather. A man who took it onto himself to take the pill after solving 250 cases. A nice round number. But Terrell didn't account for solving his own suicide case by sending a video to the bureau biting the pill, increasing the number by one. "Even in death, Terrell solves cases!" It's an ongoing joke at the bureau.

The high priority case was brought to Calvins' attention by Ms. Lector. The subject of the encrypted e-mail stated: Case No. 251: Sylas - mild retardation | Estimated complexity: 9 | Priority level: 10.

The brightest minds stumbled to a standstill in no time. They assumed it was because they couldn't level with Sylas, or rather, Sylas couldn't level with them. So the file got sent to The Carnivore.

Calvin scoffed. He knew he had a mediocre mental capacity, but he also knew he was a man with the will of a God. And the latter defined him.

It was an intriguing case, indeed. One suitable for a temporary shared first place. If only his grandfather could see him now.

And there Calvin the Carnivore - a.k.a The Black Bulldog - stood, staring at the human-like primate through the glass, whose IQ, in reality, was only 1 point off from being a Homo Evolutis, and only 2 points away from that of Calvin. But the line had to be drawn somewhere and drawn it was, several centuries ago.

The case file stated that Sylas had been in and out of the system for decades. They were all minor offenses: two break-ins and six counts of overuse of freshwater. The guy likes to keep himself clean, the Carnivore concluded.

No one would have expected a guy like Sylas to pull off what he did. A cyberattack on the medical network, which, supposedly, is protected with multiple firewalls set up by the brightest of the brightest programmers from all globes. Nonetheless, Sylas got the entire medical ledger! All of it! A full database-dump with every name, address, medical and criminal record from all the current registered inhabitants of this planet. Exabytes of data. The government of Earth caught a break, though. As the uplink to Myria 9 was taken offline as soon as the breach was noted.

The irony of it all is, the primate would have gotten away if it wasn't for its thirst for soy milk, leaving DNA marks all over the glass it left behind.

The Carnivore ran the prints through the database as the procedure dictates him. A useless routine task they all did at the agency when booking someone. No one really knew why they still did it, but no one dared to oppose it. It's just one of the numerous decisions made by the smart leaders, the powers that be, who don't seem to understand much.

As expected, the fingerprints showed a series of scars. Intentionally removed at one of the illegal acidic print removal stations, a relatively cheap way to hide part of your identity. Many stations were still making the big bucks by removing or re-plastering fingerprints on the fingertips, but what's the point? Stem cells are taken from the embryo even before birth. They weren't only convenient to regrow organs, limbs, or restore connections within the brain, no, they have done wonders for the policing profession.

The DNA from the lip marks were scarce, but adequately sufficient to run against the stem cell ledger. And there he was: Sylas... the Creepy Crawler...

But The Creep didn't just keep to crawling creepily. No...The Creep did more than just creep this time.

Calvin, the motherfucking Bulldog, looked at his pray from behind the glass, observing its thin posture, the pale skin, and dark scruffy hair. Its bony fingers matched the sharp facial features. A shady looking homo-sapien indeed, the Carnivore thought. How this dumb fuck, with all the subtlety of Calvin's big black dick, remained under the radar for so long was still a mystery.

The Carnivore smiled, exposing his slightly oversized, coffee-stained teeth. He took a sip of the steaming black sludge as he studied his victim. He knew he would destroy the simple man, he was sure of it. Another sip. He would break it like an electric toy, exposing all of its boards and wires. Another sip. Stamp on the creepy motherfucker, dragging it to one of the local zoos, away from society, but close enough for Calvin to spectate whenever he felt like it. Just as a memento, knowing he had met his granddads' record - becoming a legacy himself. Another sip. Yes, that would do for him.

The hairs on Carnivores' neck stood up as the caffeine circulated his system, making his heart thump faster than it was supposed to. The alarm on his watch told him three cups ago he had reached the maximum allowed consumption of caffeine, but Calvin had his ways to cheat. Illegal? Yes. Did anyone care? No. Did anyone dare say anything to The Bulldog about his addiction? Definitely not.

The Bulldog didn't really crave more coffee; however, it gave him something to do as thoughts taunted him and lingered in his already crowded head. Another sip. The stomach acids did their job and separated even more caffeine from the black liquid, shooting it straight into his already overly caffeinated bloodstream.

The anticipation of the initial entrance was exciting, and the Carnivores' sweaty armpits released some more of their rancid odor.

He peered at his victim, studying it one last time. The Carnivore inhaled the final swig of black dark matter and clunked the mug onto the table next to him. Swiftly he opened the door of the interrogation room to face the individual with mild retardation that had outsmarted them all.

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snkpolls · 6 years ago

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SnK Chapter 115 Poll Results

The chapter poll closed with 1,585 responses. Thank you to everyone who participated!

RATE THE CHAPTER 1,471 responses

Isayama’s winning streak continues. Overall chapter satisfaction was up almost 10% over last month with the majority of fans (57.2%) giving it a 5 rating. Less than 5% viewed the chapter unfavorably.

Isayama is ruthless, my god.

We got an amazing chapter this month which came out of the blue, in my opinion. So many answers were given as well as many more shocking questions. Definitely one of the best

It was definitely more eye opening and you could just feel the tension through the different scenes.

I loved this chapter, it was definitely one of the most compelling

This is a candidate for the greatest chapter of the manga, the last candidate was chapter 112 followed by 104 and there are a lot of them. Isayama-sensei is killing it. Every single chapter is either great, or a candidate for the greatest chapter.

Honestly, just incredible. Everything I could've possibly wanted. These kinds of chapters are why attack on titan will be my favorite for a long time.

It was an interesting chapter. We got to learn more about the PATHS and some parallels to older chapters were cool.

A bit of a rollercoster of emotions but, I’m putting my faith in Isayama he’ll do what’s best

Loved it, everything's insane and pulling at nerves. Eren is the best, hands down. He's got to have the best poker face. Neither side even knows what he's up to!

Masterpiece. Wanna know more about the girl who seems to be ymir, and Pieck’s intentions as well. Cuz idt she can even stand a chance against eren, imo.

THIS CHAPTER WAS LOADED WITH FLASHBACKS. WHICH WERE YOU MOST EXCITED TO SEE?

1,457 responses

Perhaps unsurprisingly, the Yeagerbro conversation was the most desired flashback and nearly 60% of the fandom were excited to see it. In second comes Zeke’s reaction to learning his father survived and continued on. The third place spot goes to Reiner and Bertolt as fans of the warriors were happy to see them again, even if for only a couple panels.

I'm a simple stan, I see Reiner and Bert, and I cry. 10/10 scene its about time we got more uprising arc warriors scenes but Isayama pls give us Reiner outside of a flashback again thanks

Finally, Jaeger Bros talk.

While flashbacks are nice, I feel like a lot of it was filler-esque and had hopped for more progress on what happened to Levi and Zeke.

WHAT WAS THE MOST DISTURBING IMAGERY OF THE CHAPTER? 1,492 responses

Attack on Titan is known for its plethora of disturbing imagery, and this chapter was no exception. The majority of readers, at 32.3%, thought that a titan shoving Zeke into its stomach was rather unsettling. 16.5% were especially grossed out by Levi’s fingers being several yards from the rest of him. Coming in third, 15.4% were disturbed by Levi’s face.

It might be the most disturbing chapter of the manga to date.

Floch, his presence and face is rather disturbing.

Yelena rape face

Ymir's soulless voids for eyes

The titan that vored Zeke was made of Flex Tape

I dont think you know what mpreg means...

The behaviour of the yeagerists towards levi which was once considered the hero of humanity

As a big Levi fan, everything that just happened to him in general.

Is everything an option? Because I am going with All Of The Above.

All of the above, tbh

all of them

Yes

OF THE FOLLOWING, WHICH WAS THE MOST MEMORABLE MOMENT OF THE CHAPTER? 1,495 responses

Zeke’s rebirth wins by a small margin with the mystery girl coming at a very close second. At an equally close third, people were happy to see Hange find Levi and protect him from the Yeagerists. Following these was Pieck’s sudden reappearance, and Hange taking Levi and diving into the water to escape.

i honestly can't choose one. everything in this chapter was A++, one of my favorite ones in a while.

that path thing that ymir seemed to be experiencing too

Eren looking at pieck blankly 0.1 seconds after being shocked by her pointing a gun at him

Zeke's grief when considering the pain his younger brother must have suffered.

Levi’s wrecked face

Titan putting zeke into its belly

For myself personally, I found most memorable two events. Firstly, was the revelation of paths as being a physical plane on which one can percieve and exist, as opposed to a merely transcendental metaphysical force. Secondly, most memorable alongside that for me was the whole scene of Hange protecting Levi from Floch's band of Jägerists, in no small part due to my lowkey shipping of Levi and Hange.

Zeke's flashbacks + Zeke's rebirth + Pieck appearance

P A T H S

WHO WAS THE LITTLE GIRL THAT … TURNED ZEKE INTO A SANDCASTLE? 1,456 responses

While most people (almost 90%) agree that the mysterious little girl Zeke encountered is somehow Ymir Fritz, there’s no shortage of other creative possibilities regarding her identity:

I wonder if this girl could be Maria Fritz, the hair and hairband are similar.

It’s P A T H S, whose power is even more immense than that of the Devil of All Earth and Ymir Fritz. Paths can take the form of anything. Paths just happened to take the form of a little girl during that moment.

A new important character

The titan that resurrected Zeke was originally that girl. Because the titan was closest to Zeke, Paths compelled that titan to save Zeke, whether it wanted to or not.

Original inheritor of the beast titan

An asspull

I'm not sure maybe but it can be the girl "Christa" from Frieda's & Historia's storybook too

It seems clear enough to me that this is at least outwardly Ymir Fritz. As for it being I wonder perhaps if this girl being Ymir Fritz and the Devil of the Earth isn't mutually exclusive. I have no evidence to substantiate such a claim, but recently acknowledged the possibility on part of the historical misinformation in regards to her origins.

HOW SATISFIED WERE YOU WITH THE NEWLY SCULPTED ZEKE BOD, FROM “THE SAND WAS MORE APPEALING”, TO “GET THAT CENSORSHIP STEAM OUT OF THE WAY” 1,455 responses

We got a pretty full view of Zeke’s new bod this chapter, and it garnered love, hate, and apathy; as only Zeke’s body could. Most of you wanted to get a full view of that Eldian ass at 34.7%. On the opposite end, 22.3% would rather get freaky with the sand that turned into the bod in question; and 25.1% don’t have a strong preference either way. 6.4% aren’t in love with either the sand or Zeke, and 11.5% enjoyed the view but would like that titan smoke to stay right where it’s at.

A complete chapter, with brand new information coming to us... and lots of monkey nudes. Zeke is the fanservice character of snk.

Thicc thighs won't make me forgive his sins

Everyone is seeing zeke’s dick but me

@ isayama: release zeke's n00ds.

No more naked Zeke plz.

I feel for him and but he's a seriously underwhelming antagonist. He's really nice to look at though.

I love him as a character; his motives, his history, his personality and his character design (not just because he is a sexy hunk of Edlian ass).

I know only three things

1. Levi is not dead. 2. Eren does not agree with Zeke. 3. Zeke is hot as hell.

I suddenly feel very sorry for the SC uniform - it’s being worn by absolute pricks. Please don’t let them cover Zeke’s ass with the cape.

my heart goes to THAT DUDE WHO CAN'T STOP STARING at Zeke's nekkid crotch. i feel ya man. that shit is weird.

Zeke has the big PP. Pieck has the biggest PP.

I don't like him because of sexualization and shipps.

Zeke's abs tho

So much Zeke nudes, we need more chad Eren (don't even need to be Eren nudes, just him shirtless is ok).

I wanted to see Zeke's beastly c-ck.

Zeke is pure. Pure SLUT

WHICH OF THE FOLLOWING STATEMENTS REGARDING ZEKE’S “REBIRTH” DO YOU THINK ARE TRUE? 1,441 responses

A slight majority of the fandom believes Zeke’s rebirth is evidence that Ymir Fritz needs Zeke alive. Close to 50% believe Zeke will see it as divine approval. While a quarter of the fandom thinks this experience has changed him, only 7% believe he’s changed for the better.

Zeke's reincarnation is bs but if Ymir does have more plans for him, I'd like to see how it all turns out for the best.

I hope Zeke learns that genocide is never the answer.

I just hope we get some specific answers soon regarding how Zeke was reincarnated like that. Felt pretty off seeing Zeke revived like that, but I can understand the theory that perhaps Ymir Fritz wants him to live to save the Eldians (and perhaps this is where the "To you, 2000 years in the future" comes into play).

WE’VE WAITED A LONG TIME FOR THE YEAGERBRO TALK. WAS IT WHAT YOU EXPECTED? 1,483 responses

The largest portion of replies indicate that the conversation between Eren and Zeke overall went as expected. But there were also many who didn’t care how it went and were simply glad to finally see their first talk together. Smaller portions were either more than happy with the conversation or found it a total disappointment. Certainly that couldn’t be all they talked about, right?

I knew they wouldn't be on the same side but didn't expect it to be so obvious Eren is lying to and manipulating Zeke. Zeke tearing up when Eren called him "brother" is the saddest shit, but also kinda hilarious considering how many people Zeke betrayed. Also, I wonder if we'll get more since Eren talked about how he learned a lot from Zeke.

Finally got confirmation that Eren played Zeke like a fiddle. Happy to see that lil bro backstab.

I expected something more grandiose tbh, when i saw the panel of zeke standing in front of eren, i thought that was a perfect tease to just end it there

It feels like Eren has Zeke eating out of the palm of his hand and it hurt more than expected

People who latch onto the belief that Eren's goal differs from Zeke are in for a disappointment

I am disappointed that zeke cares for eren and eren doesn't seem to reciprocate those feelings, and that he was trying to play the tough guy, it's annoying and i want wholesome jeagerbros!!!!

I didn't expect to be so short, and I assume we'll get more in the future, but this time from Eren's perspective.

I think it is too early to say one way or the other. We only truly got one side of the conversation.

It was good, but I hope it's not the only thing we see. I get the impression it was merely an appetizer. When I think about the brothers talking I always imagined it will be a full chapter. This was just their first conversation. Eren said Zeke told him many things, like the info about the Ackermans, so I am expecting a hell of a lot more dialogues between them.

it wasn't what I had expected. I also can't say yet if it is better or worse cause so much about Eren's true motives is still up in the air. Like originally I had expected Zeke to be the one to convince Eren of something, but clearly that is not what is happening here. Which, on the face of it, doesn't have to be a bad thing, I just need more info.

DO YOU BELIEVE THAT EREN TRULY AGREES WITH ZEKE’S PLAN? 1,490 responses

Over half of respondents agree that there’s no way in hell that Eren is on board with Zeke’s euthanasia plan. 23% believe that he is in partial agreement with Zeke’s plan, while 10% don’t want to say confidently either way whether Eren is on Zeke’s side. A small sliver of the fandom are certain that Eren is in favor of wiping out Eldia.

He just said what Zeke wanted to hear from 'his brother'. From the start of his speech Eren expressed clearly his purpose, bonus showing sympathy toward Zeke. The way that Eren said some of his points of view and plan fits to me in what he truly thinks about, but the way he said it was molded in orden to manipulate Zeke and get his confidence

Eren is getting influenced and this 'external influencer' is manipulating Zeke. Double manipulation.

He agreed with Zekes ideology at some point before Historia saved him

Zeke told him about his plan to euthanize eldians, Eren agreed that not being born into the world is salvation itself. We all know Eren thinks the EXACT opposite of that. he's manipulating zeke, only wanting his royal blood. Zeke might be the KEY to Eren's own secret plan.

I don't think eren is the kind of person to blatantly lie to someone, especially about the force that has driven him his entire life. There are some truth to his words, yes, but i think eren is going to use the fact that he thinks he shouldn't have been born to try and change the world into a safer place for his people, whereas zeke will use that same reason to eradicate his people, not giving them a chance to feel a sense of belonging in the world

He's using Zeke for some goal of his, but has gone way too far. Both of them are twisted, and perhaps share some points of their goals.

He understands and agrees with Zeke on a basic ideological level, insofar as the suffering that Eldia, and by extension Titans, bring to both the world and themselves by inherent virtue of being born. I believe, however, that this is where the agreement in actuality ends. What Eren disagrees with is the method to solve this problem. Whatever other solution Eren may have thought of, it entails the end of the titans and the elimination of paths, while sparing Eldian's lives and allowing them to continue on and have families. How this would be achieved, I do not know; this is merely my conjecture on where the story might go next.

I think he agrees with Zeke's goal of not having any Eldians born into the circumstances they are, but not his methodology of euthanasia. I think he has his own plan which will somehow stop/rewind/erase the Curse of Ymir/titanisation, possibly through altering Eldian DNA to make them unable to be turned into titans.

He's being brainwashed/manipulated by having so many memories that belong to other people, he's not being himself; not his true self

I don't believe he agrees, but I like to believe he isn't simply using his brother without any regard for him...though I can't really tell anymore with 'this' Eren :\

If Eren truly agreed with Zeke, all his development will be for nothing.

Maybe eren does actually agree that the best salvation is to never have been born, but when has eren ever wanted "salvation"?

WITH ALL THE RECENT FOCUS ON ZEKE, HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT HIM NOW? 1,487 responses

Zeke’s been getting a lot of focus lately, and this chapter was no exception. 45.7% of you enjoy his character but don’t support his schemes, and 21.9% don’t like the man but can sympathize with him at this point. Not all are as warm however, as 19% would like to see him burn. 8.9% love monkey boi and want to protect him with all you’ve got.

He's a perfect Grey character a villain and a hero depending on view point.

I’ve always loved him. Now I love him more

His plan is batshit and I don't really like him but I think he's an interesting character but he needs to burn

His plan is unethical & impractical, his methods consist of war crimes. I hope he's taken down *ideologically* & realizes he was wrong b4 he dies

I'm not for Zeke's plan but I want him to go out feeling like his life wasn't a complete waste.

I feel sorry for all kids who have shitty childhoods, but I don't then excuse them when they project their own hatred for life onto an entire race and try to take away their right to life. It doesn't matter how righteous or merciful he believes he's being, it's undeniable arrogance to decide you know whether another person's life is worth living or not.

I hate him as a character but his plan makes him more interesting/sympathetic

I like him but don't agree with him. I'm going to be depressed when he is inevitably stabbed in the back by his beloved little brother. I am also extremely hype for that to happen.

I like his recent character development, however I don’t really like him. Very interesting character though!

Interesting, complex character. I can understand his plan too. Overall a well crafted character.

I'm so so sad for Zeke, the way he genuinely cares for Eren and trusts him, how he tears up when he called him "brother"...It will be heartbreaking when he'll realize Eren's just using him (because there's no way Eren agree with his plan), this guy's been used and craved affection and understanding all his life.

I feel like I'm crazy one here but I'm actually on Zeke's side and not at all mad at what he did to Levi

He is cancelled to me since Erwin's death.

WAS GRISHA IN THE RIGHT TO SLAUGHTER THE REISS CHILDREN? 1,475 responses

Eren recalled back to a disturbing action is father took, and gave his thoughts on it, but does the fanbase agree? 44.7% feel Grisha made the right choice, as without it things would have gone as Eren laid out for Paradis. 37.8% were unsure, and only 14.4% agreed with Eren’s conclusion that it was wrong regardless.

I acknowledge it as a necessary evil. It goes against many of my moral principles, but it was a necessary evil in the face of the worst case scenario.

He could have found another way to keep the children alive. He was lazy and chose the most convenient option.

He was neither right nor wrong, as in he had little choice.

I don't think there's a right or wrong in this scenario. Grisha did what he thought was for the greater good. No matter what decision he made, though, people still would have died.

It was a necessary evil, both logically right and morally wrong at the same time

Immoral but beneficial in the long run

there are two sides to the moral scale! For the survival of his people, of course! Every threat needs to be eliminated, but it is quite painful to know that in reality, regardless of the bigger picture, he still killed children.

For me, this is a much too complex topic to be reduced to a categorical choice of right and wrong. I can't choose between this two options ("I'm not sure" neither because it's in the same line of though) because I can't think his action in that terms.

It was not nice

WAS HANGE BEING TRUTHFUL WHEN SHE INFORMED FLOCH OF LEVI’S DEATH? 1,497 responses

Nice try, Hange. 91% of us are pretty sure that Levi still lives, and that he was only pronounced dead in the hope that his life would be spared. Not even 2% of us think that he is actually dead.

Oh, please. It doesn't take a Levi fan to know that Hange would immediately let Floch feel Levi's pulse if he was indeed dead - it was only worth potentially upsetting her guards if she thought there was a chance of his survival. Hange is one of the smartest characters in this series - she wouldn't act that way for any other reason.

Well wouldn't be reasonable to jump on a river with a corpse so i guess is the second option

I think he's alive, but it feels like Levi is being milked for popularity at this point. If he truly did survive, then I hope Levi will somehow maybe fulfill his promise!

IF LEVI IS ALIVE, DO YOU THINK HIS INJURIES WILL PROVE TO BE FATAL? 1,491 responses

In contrast to the widely-held belief that Levi still lives for the time being, there is less agreement about whether that will continue to be true. Almost half of respondents think that he will survive his wounds. The remaining half is split between thinking Levi’s days are numbered (25.4%) and being completely unsure of his fate (25.9%).

Man, seeing Levi suffering really got me, but I hope hange manages to bring him to safety, cause I think his injuries aren't fatal and the only threat to his life now are the yeagerists

he's still barely alive, but he'll die in her hands once they're safe and have swam the river, the death was slightly delayed since this chapter was focused on other things, levi will give his last little speech to hange next chapter and die

I think Levi survived his injuries and Hange is lying about him being dead, but I don’t think he will survive. Part of me hopes (for his sake) that he doesn’t survive

probably but I'm in denial so i want to believe he's fine

Levi is on the edge of death, he will die next chapter after revealing Zeke's true intentions to Hange, which will ruin Eren's plan for the moment. At least, that's what I hope happens. Levi surviving and coming back to fight doesn't make sense and Levi surviving only to be out of commission for the next of the manga and to open a tea shop is disappointing, I would rather have him die now.

IF LEVI IS ALIVE, DO YOU THINK HE WILL BE ABLE TO PARTICIPATE IN FUTURE BATTLES? 1,490 responses

41% of respondents believe that Levi is permanently on the sidelines due to his condition while 37% are feeling optimistic that he will find a way to keep fighting. ⅕ of the fandom don’t want to say confidently either way. Will Levi surprise us in upcoming chapters?

Dead my ass! I can't wait for Levi to appear again out of nowhere with a badass face scar and kick Zeke's ass AGAIN

I hope we still see Levi in action, even if just once, cause removing him leaves everything in the hands of ‘god-like’ characters who can control people. Now it’s just like humanity’s doomed cause the ‘gods’ decided so and I don’t like it. There is still Mikasa, but with Levi humanity had a better chance in this ever so uneven battle.

I think Levi is out of the fight (thanks to those godawful fingers on the ground ugh) BUT I think he'll have one last move, one last action in the final battle that will somehow deeply affect the plot, before dying (think Erwin cutting off Eren from Bertholdt after his arm was eaten). I want to be wrong because Levi has always deserved better, but I also want to be right because he needs to rest and the ignominy of humanity's strongest taken out of the fight like that is just. Too much.

Levi has to live and fight bc he needs to show off his new badass battle scar duh

I really love Levi, but I don't want him to be disabled so I prefer him to be dead. If Isayama can make him okay as before, I hope the story wont become weak.

I want Levi' s scarred face to be the last thing that Zeke ever sees.

I'm wondering what's worse, Levi dead or Levi hobbled and injured so badly that he can't fight anymore. Robbing him of his identity is perhaps even crueler than death. How awful, to linger and watch the rest of the battle unfold, knowing he can't even help because of his own careless actions.

WHETHER IT’S PLOT ARMOR OR A MEDICAL MIRACLE, WHICH CHARACTER’S ESCAPE FROM DEATH HAVE YOU FOUND LEAST BELIEVABLE? 1,551 responses

We heard from several sources that this was the most difficult question on the poll. Maybe that’s why it had dozens more responses than any other question. It turns out that Zeke getting shoved into a titan tummy and having a sandcastle body sculpted by a mystery child isn’t the most unrealistic save in this manga. “Reiner surviving everything” followed by “Armin surviving his fall and burns” were the top choices.

Zeke's resurrection is the most bullshit ass pull of all.

Erwin and Armin were the two less believable survivors. I can turn a blind eye on plot-armors when it involve Shifters or even Ackermans, but Armin and Erwin were simple humans.

Erwin surviving all the way through serumbowl with a partly missing abdomen while bleeding out is just as worthy of being there, no one mentions it because he eventually died but it's almost if not on the same level as Armin living long enough through serumbowl.

I feel tired of the whole plot armor some characters have. Reiner, Armin (even if he is one of my favorites), Levi and now Zeke. I just feel tired of seeing them dying and then being magically saved. Yes, some dots are connecting together, but the whole armor plot makes the story boring and unnatural. A lot of great and interesting characters died, but there are some blessed ones who will not die even if a large bomb will fall straight at their heads.

maybe Zeke transferred his consciousness to other parts of his body like Reiner did in the Return to Shingashina arc? That's the only other idea I can think of how Zeke survived in the end.

I can't believe Levi narrowly escaped death because the monkey dingdong was too shiny and hypnotizing

I can't believe it, but Isyama finally topped the plot armor Reiner had back in RTS. Holy shit. The first thought was no one could have more plot armor than Eren did back in Shiganshina, then it was when Rod Riese became that hideous nightmare enduing faceless titan and didn't try and eat Eren, then it was Reiner's plot armor in RTS that stole it with notable mention from Armin, then it was Levi as a notable mention. This resurrected bullshit that saved Zeke can't be outdone. There is just no way in hell. Like, you just can't out do it. No one does plot armor better than Zeke!!!

HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT YELENA INSTITUTING ARMBANDS ON PARADIS? 1,484 responses

The irony of Yelena immediately instituting armbands as a classification system wasn’t lost on it. 44% thought is was horrible and a wrong choice, 28% recognized it as gross but understood the need to organize, while 22% had no opinion

As a sociologist, it’s interesting. The reality is that society/social classes often create symbols to communicate their social status so if it’s not armbands it’d be something else.

As expected of Yeagerists they are true organized shits! Congrats!!

Isayama is very big on the 'history repeating itself' thing and without a doubt this is one of those things.

I feel as if he is being kept out of the loop by the Volunteers, due to his befriending and fraternising with Eldian's (Hange especially), in much the same way as Niccolo was. This makes me inclined to think that Onyankonpon would side with the established Survey Corps if/when he learns the full plan, and that Yelena knows this.

it's ironic and though it's wrong, i think it's also clever how no matter how hard the yelena is trying to break free from marley traditions, those traditions still come naturally to her them whether she realizes it or not

I have a problem with how she's using people, not how she's doing it

People make a mountain out of a molehill, it's not something bad, it's just practical. They need to know who drank the wine and who didn't. Their actions are bad, but not their way of organizing.

Regardless of anything, I'd let Yelena tie me up any way she likes and I think deep down Pixis totally agrees

You boors know nothing of fashion.

IS ONYANKOPON ON PARADIS’ SIDE OR IS HE IN CAHOOTS WITH YELENA? 1,480 responses

Only 12.4% of the fandom believe Onyankopon is fully aligned with Yelena, A percentage more (13.9%) believe he’s on the Survey Corps side. The remainder of the fandom is either undecided or think that he is.

boi is lookin mad confused every time he appears now tbh

He might be on Yellena's side but I wouldn't be surprised if he decided to play a different game.

His arms are crossed and he's literally side-eyeing Yelena. He is not all-in with Yelena.

He said that he dedicated himself for "Eldia". I don't know why, but I have that weird feeling that he would help Eren and his group (Floch etc.) to make the new Eldia empire great again

I think he will help Hanji, he was always showed with them more than with any other person

Maybe he is working for someone else entirely. We still don't know if we have all the chess pieces on the damned board.

I really want an insight into Onyakopon's motives at this point. You can see he's not as enthusiastic about the situation, and I thought he genuinely bonded with Hanji.

WHY DO YOU THINK EREN WANTS TO LURE IN THE WARRIORS? 1,473 responses

Nearly half of the fandom believes that Eren’s goal is to eat the remaining warriors and gain their powers. About ⅓ of respondents think his goal is to negotiate with them, while smaller portions of the fandom think he may just want to get them out of the way or fully ally with them. Hopefully his chat with Pieck enlightens us! Meanwhile here are some write-in thoughts:

That boy is an enigma wrapped in a riddle, i have no idea what he is doing

Either to unlock a new ability with the Founding Titan that might require all the other Titan Shifters to be present or to kill them for the eventual rumbling.

I dunno but he clearly needs them for something. I'm leaning towards him needing to collect all their titans to do some sort of Curse Reset.

I am not sure whether he wants to eat every single warrior, especially regarding the convo he had with Reiner in the Marley arc. He wanted to chomp Porco tho, so I am not sure.

he can only do so much by himself, he has gained reiner's sympathy so having him as an ally seems like an option

I'd like to believe that Eren is luring the warriors so he can ally with them but realistically, he's probably going to eat 'em all. It started with the warhammer titan and he was about to do the same to Porco back in Marley for his jaws (which he would need to crack Annie's crystal open) but I digress. It'll probably happen in that order. He'll get annie after eating porco and pieck. Fuck. That part's gonna suck

I'm not sure, but he definitely doesn't want them trying to stop him doing whatever he's planning to do.

Like he said, he'll keep moving forward until his enemies are destroyed.

He wants them to connect and give the 9 elements to original Ymir. Maybe this way eldians will be free.

I laughed at the negotiation option, because if Eren ever was capable of comunicate with anyone in Paradise this mess wouldn't be happening. Actually if any character comunicated this wouldn't be happening.

Eren playing 4d chess

WHAT DO YOU THINK PIECK’S INTENTIONS WITH EREN ARE? 1,477 responses

The big chapter cliffhanger this month was Pieck pulling a sneaky on Eren, as expected of her. About two thirds of you, at 65.9% are guessing she’s there to talk with him; while 31.2% think she has more aggressive options in mind with that gun.

Pieck is smart. If she wanted to kill or capture Eren, she would've shot him without a warning. Clearly she wants something out of Eren, probably information, before neutralizing him

For the moment she's probably more interested in rescuing Gabi than doing anything with Eren.

Get information from him then kill him

Pieck most likely would want to talk about the jaegerbros sudden "alliance" She wants to know why Zeke used and betrayed her and their comrades.

Idk for sure, but I'm 120% sure she has a plan. Everyone is underestimating Pikku.

No clue. I don't hate her, but she's still complicit in war crimes, so whatever she's up to, it can't be good

To talk, Pieck is smart and if she wanted to kill Eren she should know that she had to do so earlier.

Probably a battle of wits, since Pieck is always exactly right and 19 yo Eren became very manipulative

Something tells me she's going to want Eren to direct her to Annie first. I mean, it's the final arc, and they still haven't resolved the Annie situation. I feel like this how Annie's supposed return will kick in: One of the reasons Pieck is in Paradis on reconnaissance is because she want to retrieve Annie from Paradis and bring her back to Marley. Maybe, she wants to do it with minimal bloodshed without making a scene.

Have a baby with him to cuck Zeke

EREN & PIECK - WHO HAS THE UPPER HAND? 1,480 responses

About ¾ of the fanbase at 76.3% lean towards Eren and his three titans having the upper hand here, and 23.7% think Pieck’s planning will pay off exactly as planned.

Pieck isn't stupid and it's quite obvious to anyone that she CANNOT kill eren. She isn't very strong as a titan compared to him, nor in human form. She doesn't stand a chance.

She knows he is powerful, I doubt she'd be stupid to try to have a fight with a man who holds three titans.

Pieck will fix everything

Pieck knows Zeke best of the current batch of warriors- I HOPE TO GOD THAT SHE IS NEVER WRONG WITH PLANS.

Pieck certainty cannot beat Eren in her titan form without her men and big guns, and doesn't seem to be in great form physically, as she was on crutches until a short while ago.

Kinda want Eren to absolutely demolish Pieck, whether it be Titan-form or not, just so Gabi can freak out even more.

I want Pieck to beat the shit out of Eren, but I know it won’t happen

I fear for Pieck's life :( Eren's gonna Warhammer her ass against the ceiling before she can say 'Wuh'

WHO’S WITH PIECK? 1,443 responses

Is Pieck alone, or does she have support? The majority seem to think Reiner and Porco are accompanying her, with 64.9% and 63.5% respectively. 34% think Colt tagged along to help find his brother, and 18.7% think General Magath is there as well. 2.1% of you are holding out hope that our Ymir is still alive, and with the warriors in fact. Pieck might be by her lonesome though, with 18.5% of you choosing that option.

It's been a while since we've seen any of the Warriors besides Pieck and it is the perfect time for Eren and Reiner to meet again.

I presume Reiner and the others are close by, but I still cannot see how all of them would be able to subdue or beat Eren, as he beat them all almost single- handily before he consumed the War hammer titan.

I have a strong feeling that Reiner's going to be the one to find the 104th and the Braus family in the cell. It will make for an interesting meeting, especially with Armin.

Freckled Ymir keeps getting indirectly referenced while highlighting her absence.

OwO best waifu Pieck returns all is well.

I JUST WANT TO SEE REINER ALREADY!!!

HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT THE FOLLOWING CHARACTERS AFTER THIS CHAPTER?

Hange’s heroics netted them a giant surge in popularity (1004↑) while Yelena (755↓) and Floch (898↓) each took a hit. Pieck’s confrontation with Eren was appreciated (737↑). Despite being unconscious, Levi’s approval was likewise up (701↑). The debut of Ymir Fritz had the majority holding off on judgment, although 514 respondents where inclined to view her favorably.

Hange is the best human in this manga

Hange, a real champ. Zeke is a dumbass. The more I see douchebag Eren, the more I want to kick him in the balls. Floch, Yelena & Co (exclude Oyankapon, he is a good boi) can go shove fucking thunderspears up their arses...the deeper their devotion, the deeper the penetration.

hange's great - zeke's wack - eren's angsty - press f for levi

AT THIS POINT, AROUND WHICH CHAPTER DO EXPECT THE MANGA WILL CONCLUDE? 1,396 responses

We have a lot of differing opinions regarding how much of this story remains to be told! The most popular option for the final chapter of the manga is chapter 130 with 35% of respondents selecting that option. More striking perhaps, is that 86% of respondents think that the manga will continue to at least chapter 130. 50% believe that 134 is the earliest possible chapter for the story’s conclusion.

WHY is 118 an option for the conclusion of the manga? No fucking way we've only got three more chapters, surely? Don't fucking do this to me y'all

WHO DO YOU MOST HOPE TO SEE NEXT CHAPTER? 1,493 responses

The majority of the fandom seem to have had their fill of Zeke and the Yeagerists and are ready to focus on other characters. Topping our wishlist is a continuation of Eren, Pieck and Gabi’s confrontation (70%), followed by the seeing more of Levi and Hange (60%). Armin Mikasa and the 104th (45%) and Historia (40.4%) are also on many minds.

Can't wait to hear what Pieck and Eren have to say. I think this chapter has allowed for some development between them.

I have been waiting years to learn all that was in this chapter and the end has me dying cause I’ve been wanting to know what it’d be like if Eren and Pieck met. So awesome chapter! Can’t wait for next month!

I really fucking miss Historia.

after having so much mikasa since 102 i’ve realised that i miss her presence a lot in the last three chapters... so i hope she’s in 116

I hope mikasa and armin are ok and Levi I feel so bad for 😢

Annie day now

I miss Reiner ;___;

WHERE DO YOU NORMALLY DISCUSS THE SERIES? 1,427 responses

Thank you Reddit 😘

ADDITIONAL THOUGHTS ON THE CHAPTER?

Loved the realisation that we’ve already been shown a paths “dimension” preciously in the manga and anime.

Fucking crazy, on one hand is like Yams, please, slow down and on the other hand is like, yes, keep it going, you crazy bastard.

It had a lot of emotional impact. I hated it and loved it at the same time.

Needed more Floch, I live for Floch.

I hate sand. It's coarse, rough, irritating and gets everywhere

Some interesting parallels that relate very well to the chapter's title "Support": Ymir Fritz puts Zeke back together, Eren "appears" to support Zeke's plan, Hanji grabs Levi and saves him from the "traitors" (how dare they use Eren's surname, they're not worthy!), and Pieck arrives to save Gabi and Falco!

I love Eren more with every chapter. He's so fucking cool. He was startled for two seconds, then went back to apathy and is just standing there with his hands in his pockets while Pieck holds a gun to him. What a chad.

With how many weird turns this manga is taking, you really don't know what to expect next. At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if in the next chapter, Eren asks Pieck to marry him, Zeke shoots himself to see if he'll get revived again (and doesn't), and Hange injects Levi with titan serum, but rather than helping him in any way, it just makes him 3 inches shorter.

Holy crap the art was on point 👌👌👌 plus I've been lowkey itching for some more supernatural elements so I'm pretty happy with this development

It made me more excited to see the conclusion and what everyone's true motives are.

I love the suspense each panel gives, I feeling of worry and excitement

Can Floch die? I mean seriously, can he just fall off a cliff and get impaled? Or get hit by a stray bullet? Because his superior attitude is grating on my nerves. I’m glad Hange escaped 👍🏿

Great to see how the different characters draw motivation for their different goals and I am hyped that the reader is not told what Eren is really planning.

I just want Armin to play a major role. He’s been put on the backburner for far too long and he actually needs to be using his brain to fix the situation that Eldia is in. Even now, I still have faith that Armin is going to be the one to save the people in the walls. I predict that Armin does have some hidden agenda up his sleeve that he hasn’t revealed yet that will change the game entirely. He’s as intelligent if not more so than Erwin is after all. I still believe that Armin is the true savior of Eldia and that he is someone that Marley and the world should fear.

Zeke's resurrection was probably one of the most bizarre moments I've ever witnessed in this manga and I've got so many questions now. The chapter as a whole, however, was still enjoyable and very thought-provoking. Seeing how close we are to the end, though, I hope we get all the important questions answered before it's over because I hate when things are left unanswered.

To me it's clear that Eren is playing Zeke, but I wonder how he knew exactly how to play him so well? This is basically their first face-to-face interaction, I don't think he took the idea from Yelena, because actually I doubt Yelena understands Zeke except through her own filter, and Grisha definitively didn't understand him, so he can't even have been relying on his memories. Not to mention Zeke is a notoriously closed off individual in general, so what gives, Eren?

I absolutely love the direction of the story even though so much is happening against the interests of the party I want to win. Exactly how Return to Shiganshina felt like. And similar to RtS, I feel we will have a lukewarm conclusion that'll make us feel all the emotions in existence all at once.

Can't believe there wasn't a question about Zeke's junk. Did he get his wish or not? I swear, the quality of this poll has gone down dramatically this month.

I honestly don't understand Eren in the Jeagerbro talk. He seems to be making contradictory statements - ""We'll keep moving forward... But only until we practically erase our race's existence in this world."" Zeke's plan isn't a move forward, isn't a step towards freedom the way we know Eren / Attack Titan crave freedom. It is tying and blindfolding the people of Ymir to metaphorical train tracks. Which is far from freeing them, and which is why I think Eren has his own agenda and is only pretending to go along with Zeke. Now I'm not saying Eren has some noble plan that will properly save all the Eldians, for all we know he still wants to go ahead with the rumbling. I'm just saying Zeke's plan does not seem to align with Eren or the Attack Titan's ideologies (and yes, I'm talking about post Ch 90 Eren).

I really love where this is going and in just 2 chapters he made Zeke become one of my favourite characters, - if not the No1. Poor boi, needs to be protected at all costs. Also it is so horrible to see that he was used by everyone around him, his father especially and now it looks like Eren is about to do the same. Poor fella just wants a family member who actually cares about him as a person and he never really got that. Also, showing a more human side to him when he worries about Eren and then tearing up when Eren calls him brother? Give me more please.

Floch is still my favorite character. Fucking fight me about it, try it, I've got a hairstylists' nightmare on my side who isn't afraid to shoot (don't worry he can't aim very well).

Floch you fuckin piece of shit. Such a good character but such a fucking bastard. I really love to hate him. Fuck you Floch, you magnificient bastard

Can we safely assume that Annie is actually in the paths realm?

Could Pieck be Kruger's daughter?

if Levi gets oofed I'll get oofed with him.

Thank you to everyone who participated. We’ll see you again next month!

#snk spoilers #snk polls #snk poll #poll results

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wehavebackissuesblog · 6 years ago

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House of X/Powers of X #’s 1 (Theories)

We got some thoughts not all of them strictly “sane”. This post will be spoiler-ific, so not only do we recommend you read these issues first, but we doubt anything we say will make any sense without it and we’re already going to sound crazy as it is. Conspiracies [and SPOILERS] after the jump....

The following is a list of the many theories we have entertained, debated, and obsessed over after issues #1:

The (This Is All A Dream) Theory: Xavier has a very powerful mind, so he probably has very powerful dreams.

Evidence: This whole enterprise has an undeniable dreamlike quality to it. Many of the key figures in the present timeline appear as what we could imagine are Xavier’s ideal version of them. Jean appears in a costume that she wore previous to her interactions with the Phoenix. Cyclops appears to have a similar vibe to his Utopia incarnation. The point in his life where he embodied the leader Xavier raised him to be, but before he went full rogue terrorist. Magneto plays the role of strong lieutenant, and not unhinged rival. Many other characters appear in their most iconic looks, most of which have been abandoned years ago.

Other Characters appear out of place in time. A young Moira has the knowledge of an older Moira. A still healthy Magneto appears 100 years into the future, during what appears to be a visit from a 1910s circus in the swinging 60s on the grounds of present-day Charles’ school. Also, they keep referencing dreams and sleep.

Implications if this theory proves true: A dreamscape scenario could result in one of two scenarios. 1. None of this is actually happening, and this series will end in the most cliched fever dream ending ever and infuriate Marvel fans everywhere [Unlikely]. 2. Dreaming Xavier is projecting his will onto every being in this galaxy and mind controlling them into playing out his Utopian nightmare [Horrifying].

The (Xavier is Possessed) Theory: Xavier is acting against character because Xavier isn’t home right now.

Evidence: Hickman has done an excellent job of alluding to important storylines from all era’s of the X-Men. One of the most important involved the reality-warping mutant Proteus. House of X #1 states that Proteus is alive and somewhere on Krakoa (he is listed among the Omega-level Mutants). We also know that Proteus requires a host body. Could that host body be Xavier? The last time Marvel had a big “House of...” event, the world was rocked by another reality-warper (Scarlet Witch). Proteus’s Reality Warping is a (marginally) localized ability, so it makes some sense that he would try and gather all mutants together in a singular location like an island.

The inclusion of Proteus’ mother, Moira MacTaggert, is also a curious inclusion to the series.

Finally, it should be noted that Cyclops has already referenced another major reality warping mutant, Franklin Richards, and invited him to Krakoa via his parents (and wasn’t that a dick/power move???).

Implications if this theory proves true: Proteus is mind controlling all the mutants involved in Krakoa to do his bidding, against their own will. There is already evidence that Jean Grey is fighting that control (if it exists). One of the other Omega-level Mutants are likely to break said control and go rogue, destabilizing Proteus and defeating him, but potentially too late to save them all from the Sentinels.

The (Xavier is Evil) Theory: Xavier’s mind has been tainted by all the evil he has rubbed up against.

Evidence: Over the recent past few years Xavier has 1. Died 2. Had his brain grafted to Red Skull 3. Had his Red Skull brain go full onslaught 4. Been tortured on the Astral Plane by Shadow King 5.Implanted into the body of mutant sentinel Fantomex. That is a whole load of questionable influences before we remember that the Professor was a pretty questionable dude to begin with.

Implications if this theory proves true: Everyone’s fucked? Everyone’s fucked.

The (That isn’t Xavier!) Theory: That isn’t Xavier under that helmet.

Evidence: Xavier looks an awful lot like The Maker (the evil Earth-1610 version of Reed Richards) The plan of a contained nation of evolved beings that get further modified is very similar to a plan The Maker tried with some success in the Ultimate (Earth-1610) universe. Xavier is wearing a very Maker-ish helmet. The only non-X characters we have encountered are the Fantastic Four, and we do so in the very first issue with Cyclops trying to lure Franklin to Krakoa.

Implications if this theory proves true: ???

The (This is a Simulation) Theory: This is all a scenario being run by Karima.

Evidence: For those of you who don’t know, Karima is both an Omega Sentinel and often an ally to the mutant population. Perhaps this is all a simulation run by Karima to find a solution to the Mutant/Human problem. Perhaps that is why so many characters are acting out of character. Karima is playing out possibilities and not trying to accurately roleplay characters. Likewise Nimrod (who is the basis for her Sentinel programming) is portrayed as almost sympathetic. Karima’s personal conflicts are influencing the simulation creating chains of cascading conflicts and pain.

Implications if this theory proves true: The futures we see in Power of X will warp and change as events within House of X unfold, much like a time traveler stepping on a butterfly in the past (or Fry becoming his own grandfather).

The (we are going mad) Theory: maybe we are losing it.

Evidence: Our coworkers have no idea what we are ever talking about and the Marvel Wiki is saved to our hotlinks on every computer we touch.

Implications if this theory proves true: We end up traumatizing at least five children with our insane ranting.

Have a favorite theory? Did we miss something? Let us know!

#house of x #powers of x #x-men #marvel #comics #back from hiatus and completely crazy #spoilers

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slothcritic · 6 years ago

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Dragon Ball Z Abridged - Episode 4 Review

Hit-or-miss introduction makes way for some golden moments.

The opening skit for Snakeway to Heaven has a satisfactory comedic weight to it, though upon re-watching it for this review, I noticed an editing mistake I had never noticed before, despite becoming a fan of the series in 2012. When Goku falls off Snake Way, the scene actually freezes on that frame. It wouldn't be noticeable if the truck itself hadn't frozen as well. Small gripe but I thought it was an interesting observation to share.

[Title Sequence]

Goku's scream carries over into the first few seconds of the intro and resumes near the last few seconds, which I found to be a well played editing decision.

Once Goku has stopped falling, we're treated to an amusing take on the filler ogres from hell. The blue one is given the Swedish Hansel-und-Gretel accent while the red one speaks like a German or Austrian. And puritan as ever, KaiserNeko made sure to use the original, unedited footage. It would’ve been funny to see them maybe have a scene or two with the ogres wearing their different HFIL shirts, or maybe a bit more fun poked at the Ocean Dub, but no such luck in this scene.

TFS doesn't spend too much time on this scene at all, really. It’s filler, and so nothing here really matters to the story aside from laugh-factor. The comedic nature of this first scene is that it’s rushed. Goku swindles the two ogres out of a fight, like he’s trying to swindle the show into skipping this filler arc, as he immediately guns it for the exit... and then stops?

It would've been a much more emphatic punchline if the scene had changed right here. Instead we have an awkward stop-and-go motion to the scene they're trying to orchestrate and it feels stilted. A lot of this scene after Goku finds the exit I find to be entirely unneeded. Raditz has already been established as being in Other World so the callback here wasn't necessary, the special King Yemma fruit could be argued for having no plot relevance as it never existed in the manga, and we didn't really need that post-Goku scene to get the hint that these ogres were very chummy with each other when it came to subjects like oil wrestling and speedos.

But then, where would they put that great joke about the Blood Fountain? And the small dialogue about Dabura I did find risible as a fan of the original DBZ, despite my usual curmudgeonly take on yet-to-be-established jokes. Like many things, this does get much better as the series continues, eventually turning some moments of sequence-breaking into moments of well-crafted foreshadowing. This is just a funny pointless joke, and a nod to fans of DBZ, that has no impact on the actual story of DBZA itself.

Again, this isn't too much of a big deal. Just a whole work-with-what-you've-got bizarre scenario likely due to bizarre source material. Yet this was all deemed funny enough to edit, voice and keep in the episode instead of trimming it out like the other 90% of this mini-arc. I'm not convinced the presentation was done to par, but I do feel that the inclusion of "Goku in Hell" is necessary for the sake of tying loose ends together. Also, it would've been a far more egregious decision to have that cold open end in a do-nothing cliff hanger. So, a goofy scene and perhaps iffy writing, but not terrible.

We then return to the person who has so far been the breadwinner of the series, and Piccolo hasn't let up on either the humor or Gohan. Kind of a contrast to how somber he is in the show. It's not whack-a-doodle humor, it's exaggerated frustration and exasperation, which lands almost dead-center on my humor nexus.

But even better than Piccolo has to be this next scene - Debatably the first "meme" or seriously quotable moment in the show's history: Popo's Pecking Order.

On paper this doesn't look like it'd be necessarily funny, but when you attach to it a very do-nothing character like Mr Popo and turn him into a sadistic dictator, combined with the special emphasis and excellent delivery of the line, it's simply outstanding, and raises the bar for this entire episode.

Now I've said before that the source material of Z shouldn't factor into the end product that is DBZA. If I were to show this episode to my mother, I shouldn't have to show her all 291 episodes of Z so she can understand it. The show should be able stand on its own. That's not to say parody should have zero factor in the writing of this, or that there should be zero references at all, ever. By god what a silly thing to imply. But people can still enjoy Spaceballs even if they haven't seen Star Wars.

However, in the case of Mr Popo, DBZA does a good job of setting up Popo in the same way Z does. He initially speaks in a low, subdued tone, and is spoken of by Kami as some kind of adviser, or perhaps a respected peer, but as someone who is indirectly and respectfully implied to be below him. After all, it's called Kami's Lookout, not Popo's Lookout, and Kami is literally regarded as "The Guardian of Earth" while Popo just appears to be... there.

That all changes the second Kami leaves the outdoor area and Popo is entrusted with the reigns of the new Z Fighters. LISTEN UP, MAGGOTS!

The Krillin Owned Count also chimes three in this scene, and shows its first signs of picking up momentum.

Back on Snake Way, Goku gets eaten by the head of snake way, which leads into Jadoshin's palace. This is such a quick, cheesy, quirky but funny edit that I'm not sure what to say beyond I enjoyed it. It just hits you and then boom, you're in her castle.

The joke of Jadoshin being voiced by Solid Snake (Princess Snake, Solid Snake, on Snake Way) seems like a bold strategy but I think it's one of the better jokes they've committed to that ended up being really good, at least this early on. The voice even lends itself to the awkward dialogue that would've simply lost its charm or fallen flat otherwise.

Unrelated, but one of my favorite lines from the dub happens in this scene, where Jadoshin's attendant simply says "I've got something to show you. And it's my gun.", and then kills herself with it. I didn't expect to see that in this scene, but a small part of me did hope.

When Goku finishes up in the hot springs (with a Metal Gear Solid box gag to boot) and tries to leave, Jadoshin then states that she wants Goku inside her. Goku is confused, of course, and smash cut to Goku flying for his life from a massive green fire-breathing snake trying to eat him.

Jadoshin however still has the voice of Solid Snake even in this form, complete with periodic grunts as they maneuver through the air. This eventually transitions into Jadoshin saying waka-waka, and the backdrop changes into a Pac-Man map. The Pac-Man skit was perhaps a bit overdone, with Goku finding meat instead of the normal fruit, but on the whole this was a very "solid" scene.

During the Ozaru scene, I feel like Piccolo just screaming "MOOOOOOOON!" in the DBZA Kai version is funnier than the "Stop mocking me!" we got in DBZA proper. Also, donkey kong barrel, really? It's not bad, but it's an "oh, brother" moment, like hearing a very bad pun.

When Gohan transforms back into his human (or Half-Saiyan technically) form, his junk is censored with a Dragon Ball. This is an interesting contrast in philosophy over the years, as KaiserNeko explained the decision "to not censor baby dicks" in a Episode Breakdown livestream on the Broly Abdridged movie, where Broly's baby wiener can be seen uncensored in a few scenes of that movie.

The episode ends with Goku continuing down Snake Way, having tied Jadoshin up into a tangled ball, prompted the GAME OVER screen and someone yelling "Princess Snaaaaaake!"

Conclusion

Despite my lackluster thoughts on how Hell was handled, this episode had a lot going for it compared to it's predecessors! Most of the episode was spent on two strong scenes, and while I didn't think the Ozaru scene was anything special, it didn't feel out of place or off-kilter, but provided more insight and I suppose world-building into the relationship between Piccolo and Gohan and the constant reminder that they're training to eventually face off against the Saiyans. This is further reinforced by Stinger #2 with Nappa and Vegeta en route to Earth.

This was almost opposite to Episode 3, which I felt had strong bookends. While I didn't find the end of this episode to be bad, it was simply "alright" when compared to the Popo and Jadoshin scenes. Characters are starting to have stronger internal identities instead of simply being parodies of their original counterparts. Though it is noteworthy, and rather obvious, that this only applies to characters with speaking lines. Tien, Yamcha and Chiaotzu made their first appearances but had nothing to say. Maybe it would have been cluttered or detracted from the pacing of the Popo scene, but it may prove challenging to properly attach sentimentality to these characters in the short few episodes they have before the inevitable happens.

Because y'know, nobody watched Dragon Ball.

Score: 73

Passing Thoughts

I liked that Stinger #1 dealt with the actual ramifications of DESTROYING THE MOON unlike the series proper did. I guess it was just no diff for the Dragon Ball world?

"He made a horrible mess of the blood fountain." "Looks fine to me." "IT USED TO BE WATER!"

"I killed everything here with my bare hands. Including the bear hands." -Pictured in the top left of the frame are actual bear hands.

"Stop grunting, it's creepy!"

"CLOTHES BEAM!" and “That is easily my most metro attack.”

#slothcritic #dbz #Dragon Ball Z Abridged #tfs #teamfourstar

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douchebagbrainwaves · 6 years ago

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PARTLY BECAUSE YOU DON'T NEED A BRILLIANT IDEA TO START A STARTUP THAN REALIZE IT

Their value is mainly as starting points: as questions for the people who had them to continue thinking about. And for programmers the paradox is even more pronounced: the language to learn, if you want to be running out of money.1 If even someone with the same qualifications who are both equally committed to the business, that's easy. Microsoft. You knew there would be.2 I wonder. You don't need or perhaps even want this quality in big companies, but you need it in a way that doesn't suck. And yet the grad students seem pretty smart. That's ok.3

Milton was going to visit Italy in the 1630s, Sir Henry Wootton, who had been ambassador to Venice, told him his motto should be i pensieri stretti & il viso sciolto.4 I suspect the only taboos that are more than taboos are the ones you never hear about: the company that would be the ideal place—that it would basically be Cambridge with good weather, it turns out you have to have at least one person willing and able to focus on one type of ambition. We felt like our role was to be impudent underdogs instead of corporate stuffed shirts, and that the weight of a few extra checks that might be easy for General Electric to bear are enough to prevent younger companies from being public at all. Like skirmishers in an ancient army, you want to go with Ron Conway and bet on people and those who prefer to bet on people. It would cost something to run, and it might be worth a hundred times as much.5 Some smart, nice guys turn out to be easier than I expected, and also did all the legal work of getting us set up as a company with a valuation any lower.6 We talked to a number of VCs, but eventually we ended up financing our startup entirely with angel money.7 If you believe everything you're supposed to when starting a company. Yes, because they give them more leverage over developers, who can more easily be replaced. There are very, very few who simply decide for themselves.

The English Reformation was at bottom a struggle for wealth and power, but it seems so foreign. When you get a couple million dollars from a VC firm, you tend to, because that's where smart people meet. The church knew this would set people thinking. It would cost something to run, and it came closer to killing us than any competitor ever did.8 That last test filters out surprisingly few people. It used to mean the control of vast human and material resources. Usually the claim is that you should be more careful about drawing conclusions based on what a few people think in our insular little Web 2.9

No one dared put on attitude around Robert, because he was obviously smarter than they were and yet had zero attitude himself. No doubt there are great technical tricks within Google, but the most important may be that once you have users to take care of. Because they're good guys and they're trying to help people can also help you with investors. But that assumption is often false, and this is the right way to search for components. At this stage, all most investors expect is a brief description of what you plan to do.10 It would be too easy for clients to fire them.11 Smile at everyone, and don't tell them what you're thinking. Could you describe the person as an animal? So parents are giving their kids an inaccurate idea of the language by not using them.

Usually there is something deeper wrong. So the acquirer is in fact getting worse performance at greater cost. When you offer x percent of your company for y dollars, you're implicitly claiming a certain value for the whole company. He says the main reason is that people like the idea of being mistaken. One of the founders might decide to split off and start another company, so I figured it had to be carefully planned.12 It's not a charity, but they weren't setting the terms of the debate then. Suppose it's 1998. Of course, if they have time machines in the future they'll probably have a separate note with a different cap for each investor.13 It's worth trying very, very few who simply decide for themselves.14 The trouble with lying is that you get a lot of people need to search for components, and before Octopart there was no good way to do that is to visit them.

In a field like physics, if we disagree with past generations it's because we're right and they're wrong. But can you think of one that had a massively popular product and still failed? It was as if I'd told him how much girls liked Barry Manilow in the mid 80s.15 That depends on how ambitious you feel.16 David Filo's title was Chief Yahoo, but he was proud that his unofficial title was Cheap Yahoo.17 If another map has the same mistake, that's very convincing evidence. Clearly you don't have to find startups. More generally, design your product to please users first, you leave a gap for competitors who do. Online dating is a valuable business now, and they're all trying not to use words like fuck and shit within baby's hearing, lest baby start using these words too. Morale is tremendously important to a startup is that you need someone mature and experienced, with a business background, may be overrated.18 But only about 10% of the total or $10,000 of seed money from our friend Julian. I realized it would probably have to figure out where to live by trial and error.19

Perl may look like a cartoon character swearing, but there are cases where it surpasses Python conceptually.20 Don't do what we did. Of the two versions, the one where you get a lot of data about how they work. What drives people to start startups is or should be looking at existing technology and thinking, don't these guys realize they should be doing x, y, and z?21 And pay especially close attention whenever an idea is being suppressed. How much stock should they get? Programmers like to make a winning product. There could be ten times more startups than there are, and that is exactly the spirit you want. There's a hack for being decisive when you're inexperienced: ratchet down the size of your investment till it's an amount you wouldn't care too much about losing. The reason Cambridge is the intellectual capital is not just that there's a concentration of smart people, but diluted by a much larger number of neanderthals in suits. They'd face some challenges if they wanted to make web apps work like desktop ones.

Notes

I could pick them, but the idea is the only cause of the year, they can grow the acquisition into what it means to be a lost cause to try to be a good plan for life in general we've done ok at fundraising, but that it's boring, we try to become dictator and intimidate the NBA into letting you write has a spam probabilty of.

What if a company tried to raise money? This is an acceptable excuse, but I call it ambient thought. Many more than determination to create a portal for x instead of themselves. So, can I make it easy.

Only in a rice cooker.

We wasted little time on a saturday, he wrote a hilarious but also the perfect life, the top 15 tokens, because there are few who can say they're not ready to invest more, and stonewall about the paperwork there, and b when she's nervous, she doesn't like getting attention in the US treat the poor worse than Japanese car companies have little do with the government, it could change what you're doing. But in most competitive sports, the world in which multiple independent buildings are gutted or demolished to be some number of restaurants that still require jackets for men. Particularly since economic inequality in the Baskin-Robbins.

It's worth taking extreme measures to avoid the topic. They bear no blame for any opinions expressed in it. Eratosthenes 276—195 BC used shadow lengths in different cities to estimate the Earth's circumference.

But it was cooked up, but what they made, but investors can get for free.

They look superficially like the one hand and the valuation of an investor? If the startup isn't getting market price.

William R.

There are successful women who don't aren't. The more people would treat you like a probabilistic spam filter, dick has a similar logic, one variant of compound bug where one bug happens to use some bad word multiple times.

Even though we made a bet: if he hadn't we probably would not change the number of customers you need to be about web-based applications. Everything is a function of two things: what ideas did European culture with Chinese: what ideas did European culture have in 1800 that Chinese culture didn't, they would implement it and creates a rationalization for doing so.

Is what we measure worth measuring? But this takes a startup idea is stone soup: you post a sign saying this is not pagerank commercialized. So if you're a YC startup you have a standard piece of casuistry for this point.

Deane, Phyllis, The First Two Hundred Years.

Anyone can broadcast a high product of some brilliant initial idea.

One new thing the company is like math's ne'er-do-well brother. The original edition contained a few old professors in Palo Alto, but they're not. Travel has the same attachment to their situation.

But although I started using it, whether you realize it till I started using it, and so effective that I'm skeptical whether economic inequality is not a remark about the same advantages from it. Html. But the change is a constant multiple of usage, so you'd find you couldn't do the equivalent thing for startups. 32.

Obviously, if the present, and mostly in less nerdy fields like finance and media. Those groups never have to put it this way that weren't visible in the 1960s, leaving the area around city hall a bleak wasteland, but I'm not talking here about academic talks, which is probably not far from the Dutch not to be in most competitive sports, the fact that the VC.

At YC.

It's unpleasant because the proportion of spam. One source of food. The French Laundry in Napa Valley.

Even as late as Newton's time it takes forever.

That's very cheap, 1/10 success rate is 10%, moving to Monaco would give you fifty times as much the better. In a startup with debt is a negotiation.

There are fairly high spam probability. Once again, I'd open our own startup Viaweb, and that there's more of it in action, there are only pretending to in order to attract workers. Though you should probably be the technology everyone was going to visit 20 different communities regularly. Html.

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dillydedalus · 6 years ago

Text

what i read in july

THAT’S MORE LIKE IT aka i’m finally out of the (relative) reading slump for good & my bro james joyce was there

men explain things to me, rebecca solnit the original mansplaining essay is great, and still scarily relevant; the others in this collection (most on feminist issues) are also quite good; some aspects are a bit dated & problematic so be aware of that. 2.5/5

erschlagt die armen!, shumona sinha (tr. from french, not available in english) short but very impactful novella about a young french woman, originally from india, who works as an interpreter in the asylum system and becomes more & more broken by this system of inhumane bureaucracy and suffering, until she snaps and hits a migrant over the head with a wine bottle. full of alienation and misery and beautiful but disturbing language - the title translates to ‘beat the poor to death’ so like. yeah. 3.5/5

fire & blood: a history of the targaryen family I, george r r martin look, it’s a 700-page-long fake history book about a fictional ruling dynasty in a fictional world, and i’m just That Obsessed & Desperate about asoiaf (and i don’t even care about the targs That Much). anyway, now i know more about the targs than any ruling family from, you know, real history, which is like, whatever. this is pretty enjoyable if you are That Obsessed, although i will say that some bits are much better than others (there are some dry dull years even in everyone’s fav overly dramatic dragon-riding incest-loving family) and the misogyny really is. a lot. too much. way too much. BUT i did really like Good Best Queen Alysanne (her husband king joe harris is alright too i guess) and i found my new westerosi otp, cregan stark/aly blackwood, who both have Big Dick Energy off the fucking charts. 3.5/5 (+0.5 points for cregan and aly’s combined BDE)

the old drift, namwali serpell hugely ambitious sprawling postcolonial nation-building novel about zambia, told thru three generations of three families, as well as a chorus of mosquitoes (consistently the best & smartest parts). there is A LOT going on, in terms of characters, of plot points, of references to history (the zambian space programme) and literature (finally my knowledge of heart of darkness paid off) and thematically, and honestly it was a bit too much, a bit too tangled & fragmented & drifty, and in the end i probably admire this book more than i liked it, but serpell’s writing is incredibly smart and funny and full of electrical sparks 3.5/5

a severed head, iris murdoch the original love dodecahedron (not that i counted). iris murdoch is fucking WILD and i love her for it. this is a strange darkly funny little farce about some rich well-educated londoners and their bizarre & rather convoluted love lives. not as grandiosely wild as the sea the sea, but fun nevertheless. 3/5

midnight in chernobyl, adam higginbotham jumping on the hype bandwagon caused by the hbo series (very weird to call the current fascination with chernobyl a hype bandwagon but you know). interesting & well-written & accessible (tho the science is still totally beyond me) & gets you to care about the people involved. lots of human failure, lots of human greatness, set against the background of the almost eldritch threat of radioactivity (look up the elephant foot & see if you don’t get chills), and acute radiation syndrome which is THE MOST TERRIFYING THING ON EARTH . 3.5/5

normal people, sally rooney honestly this is incredibly engrossing & absorbing once you get used to how rooney completely ignores ‘show don’t tell’ (it works!), i pretty much read the whole thing in one slow workday (boss makes a dollar, i make a dime so i read books on my phone on company time, also i genuinely had nothing to do). i also think rooney is really good at precisely capturing the ~millenial experience in a way that feels very true, especially the transition from school to uni. BUT i really disliked the ending, the book never engages with the political themes it introduces (esp. class and gender) as deeply as it could and the bdsm stuff never really gets TIED UP LOL. so overall idk: 3.5/5

störfall: nachrichten eines tages, christa wolf quiet reflective undramatic little book narrated by a woman waiting to hear about the outcome of her brother’s brain surgery on the day of the catastrophe at chernobyl - throughout the day she puts down her thoughts about her brother and the events unfolding at chernobyl, as well as the double uncertainty she is trying to cope with. really interesting to read such an immediate reaction to chernobyl (the book came out less than a year after chernobyl). 2.5/5

the man in the high castle, philip k dick it was fine? quick & entertaining alternative history where the axis powers win the war, some interesting bits of worldbuilding (like the draining of the mediterranean which was apparently a real idea in the early 20th century?) but overall it’s just felt a bit disjointed & unsatisfying to me. 2.5/5

fugitive pieces, anne michaels very poetic & thoughtful novel about the holocaust, grief, remembrance & the difference between history and memory, intergenerational trauma, love, geology and the weather. i’m not sure how much this comes together as a novel, but it is absolutely beautifully written (the author is a poet as well) and very affective. 3.5/5

american innovations, rivka galchen short collection of bizarre & often funny short stories about neurotic women whose furniture flies away, or who grow an extra breast, or who are maybe too occupied with financial details. very vague & very precise at once, which seems to be the thing with these sort of collections. 3/5

fool’s assassin (fitz & the fool #1), robin hobb YAASS i’m back in the realm of the elderlings!!! i thought this was one of the weaker installments in the series - i still enjoyed it a lot, and Feelings were had, but it just doesn’t quite fit together pacing-wise & some of the characterisation struck me as off (can i get some nuance for shun & lant please?) and tbh fitz is at peak Selfcentred Dumbass Levels & it drove me up the fucking wall. molly, nettle & bee deserve better. still, completely HYPE for the rest of the trilogy. 3.5/5

JAMES JOYCE JULY

note: i decided not to read dubliners bc it’s my least fav of joyce’s major works & too bleak & repetitive for my mood right now AND while i planned not to reread finnegans wake bc……. it’s finnegans wake…. i kinda do want to read it now (but i also. really don’t.) so idk yet.

a portrait of the artist as a young man, james joyce y’all. i read this book at least once a year between the ages of 15 and 19, it’s beyond formative, it is burnt into my brain, and reading it now several years later it is still everything, soaring and searing (that searing clarity of truth, thanks burgess) and poetic and dirty, and stephen is baby, and a pretentious self-important little prick and i love him & i am him (or was him as only a pretentious self-important teenage girl reading joyce can be him - because this truly is a book that should be read in your late teens when you feel everything as intensely and world-endingly and severely as my boy stephen does and every new experience feels like the world changing). anyway i love this book & i love stephen dedalus, bird-like, hawk-like, knife-blade, aloof, alienated, severe and stern, a poet-priest-prophet if he could ever get over himself, baby baby baby. 5/5

exiles, james joyce well. there’s a reason joyce is known as a novelist. this is….. a failed experiment, maybe. a fairly boring play about an adulterous love-square and uh… love beyond morality and possession maybe??? about how much it would suck for joyce to return to ireland??? and tbh it’s not terribly interesting. 2/5

travesties, tom stoppard a wild funny irreverent & smart antic comedy inspired by the fact that during ww1, james joyce, lenin, and dadaist tristan tzara were all in neutral zurich, more or less simultaneously; they probably never met, but in this play they do, as dadaist poetry, socialist art critique, and a james joyce high on his own genius & in desperate need of some cash while writing ulysses, AND the importance of being earnest (joyce is putting on a production of it) all collide in the memories of henry carr, who played algernon & later sued joyce over money (tru facts). not my fav stoppard (that’s arcadia) but it’s funny & fizzy & smart & combines many many things that i love. 4/5

ulysses, james joyce look i’m not really going to tell y’all anything new about ulysses, but it really has everything, it’s warm & human(e) & cerebral & difficult & funny & sad & healing & i always get a lot out of it even tho there’s bits (a lot of them) i’ll never wrap my head around. ultimate affirmation of humanity or whatever. also stephen dedalus is baby. 5/5

dedalus, chris mccabe the fact that this book (sequel to ulysses about what stephen dedalus might have done the next day) exists and was published ON MY BIRTHDAY is proof that the universe loves me.

anyway this is very very good, very very clever, extremely good at stephen (less good at bloom but his parts are still good), engages w/ ulysses, portrait & hamlet (& others) very cleverly & does some cool meta and experimental shit. y’all it has stephen talking to a contemporary therapist about how he’s stuck in joyce’s text which is all about joyce & very little about whoever stephen is when he’s not joyce’s alter ego/affectionate but slightly amused look at younger self and ithaca is an interview w/ the author about how his relationship to his dad influenced his response to ulysses and I’M INTO IT. the oxen of the sun chapter replaces the whole ‘gestation of english prose’ w/ just slightly rewriting the first pages of about 10 novels published between ulysses and now & it does lolita w/ “bloom, thorn of stephen’s sleep, light in his eyes. his sire, his son’ and i lit. screamed. anyway i don’t want to give this 5 stars (yet) bc i think some of the experimental stuff ended up a bit gimmicky & didn’t add that much to the text but fuck. that’s my boy & i want to reread it right now. 4.5/5 ALSO it’s a crime no literary weirdo woman has written ‘a portrait of the artist’s sister’ about delia ‘dilly’ dedalus, shadow of stephen’s mind, quick far & daring, teaching herself french from a 3rd hand primer while her father drinks the nonexistent family fortune away and her older brother is getting drunk on a beach & starting fights w/ soldiers bc he’s a smartarse

#the books i read #long post

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