#and also someone whose body looks kind of outside the norm having been as big as i was

[vigilantejustice]

my one (1) friend invited me to her sister’s place for games night a couple weeks back so (in a move that was very true to myself and very transparent to her) i said sure knowing it would be super easy to back out but then she responded by asking me to pick her up (scuppering my exit strategy) and she just let me know that she cornered me into driving specifically so i couldn’t bail because she knew i’d have fun if i went 🥺

[tempenensis]

Jujutsu Kaisen : Abyss of Math Course - part 2

(Continue from Part 1)

Sonoda (S): There’s also a way of thinking that in the application, the distance shrinks and stretches, for example, if we apply Riemannian manifold in the space, we can define ds distance of neighboring points and the ds will stretch. This way of thinking is also not wrong. The specific form of Riemannian manifold is, for example, can be decided by kernel function.

Takano (T): The ds here is the distance between the two of curse users, right?

 S: Yes. Depending on the place, it’s like the density of the ruler has changed. By doing that, it will feel like the distance per unit grows. The way it can expand and contract is like a metric conversion, there are various types of them, but information geometry and conformal transformation (=conformal symmetry) are used a lot. But I don’t actually know (laugh).

T: Wait, wait. Let’s summarized it a bit! The ruler here has certain distance per unit. Just for example, let’s make the length of unit 1 m.

Hino (H): OK. If we use the kernel concept, no matter how much value of the variable within, you can tweak it. In short, it seems like this… ? (Board 3)

S: Let’s think that we live in a world where Gojo does dx of 1 m ruler length between him and his enemy, causing this ruler to be distorted, and it turns to be ds. From his point of view, because of this distorted ruler, for example 10 m can become |ds| = 1 depending on the location.

T: I see! So, based on this, even if someone runs 10 m, it would look like they only advance forward “1”.

H: Exactly. Like this, the range is getting longer and longer.

T: I’m certain that by doing this, then it will look like they forever can’t reach him.

H: On top of that, by using his technique, Gojo can make the distance per unit when (someone) getting near to him feels like it becomes larger.

S: That’s why you can design when they are getting closer to him, they feel like they are getting so much slower.

T: True!

H: With this, I think we can somehow define “Blue”. (Board 3)

(Board 3)

cont’d under the cut.

T: Then, next is “Red”.

S:  “Red” is the reverse of “Blue”, if we write it as transforming the measurement of space, I think it’s fine to assume (Red) reversing the direction of the ruler.

T: It certainly is. By doing that, |ds| = 1 of this time, if someone is getting near Gojo, the subject feels that he is nearer. For example, if it’s seen from outside, the distance is actually 1 m, but the subject feels like it has become 1 mm. Then suddenly they are blown away! (Board 4)

H: This topic in our field machine learning actually close to the method of “distance learning”.

T: I can remember a few things. For the sake of readers, I will try to explain this “distance learning”. For example, there are 2 elephants and a dog here. There is a big elephant and a small elephant. The big elephant is 5 m long and weighs 5 tons, while the small elephant is 1 m long and weighs 4 tons. On the other hand, the dog is quite big, it’s 0.5 long and weighs 0.05 tons (Board 5). In this case, if the distance is simply the total difference of body length and weight, the difference of small elephant and the big dog is (1-0.5) + (4-0.05) = 4.45 while the difference of the big elephant and small elephant is (5-1) + (5-5) = 5; with this we can see that the distance of the small elephant and the dog is the closer one. This is because we thought about their weight in tons. If we calculate the weight in kilogram, then the distance of the big elephant and the small elephant becomes the closer one instead. The topic of automating this kind of process into the machine (computer) is called “distance learning”.

H: Yes, yes, it’s method to “weight” “which scale you want to emphasize”. Takano-kun’s example looks simple, but it is only sometimes used for distance calculation between the same image, the same music or the same products; by doing it like this, we can apply recognition and recommendation to see is this music similar, or is this image similar.

T: I’ve been in this company for 5 years, my memory has gone (laugh). To think the day has come where I am placed in Jump…

(Board 4) By considering that “Red” is the reverse of “Blue”, this time getting near (to Gojo) means that the distance is getting farther. It is like the illusion of being blown away at tremendous speed.    

(Board 5) Originally the big elephant and the small elephant are “elephant” the same, so the distance must be closer. But depending on the emphasized unit and scales, the result may change. 

S: So next, let’s try thinking something that seems to match. “Purple” is written as the mix of “Red” and “Blue”.

H: As expected, it’s “void” formula. (Akutami-sensei) wants to use imaginary number, right? So do we stop using Euclidean weighing, and use Minkowski weighing and Koehler manifold instead?

S: The norm is that they are used at the same time, but because it’s a complex domain, it will look like “So you came from that point”.

H: Ahaha (laugh).

T: I completely don’t understand what the two of you are excited about (laugh).

H: Back to the topic at hands, the direction from me going to Takano-kun and the direction from Takano-kun to my location have changed, you can think it like KL divergence.

T: That’s one of the basics of information geometry, right? Because we think of the distance based on each other’s standard, the value changes based on whose point of view, it’s asymmetric distance.

H: Right! That’s why the distance when Gojo sees his enemy and when his enemy sees Gojo is different. No matter how Gojo’s technique applies these concepts, “Blue” and “Red” can be established.

T: Because there are two theories, let’s adopt the first one. 

Conclusion

Using the Limitless cursed technique “Red” and “Blue”, Gojo can do conversion and change the scale of distance between him and his opponent.  

(to part 3)

[itsuki-minamy]

WONDERFUL SCHOOL DAYS: MY PRECIOUS RED

CHAPTER 5: WINTER

Translation: Naru-kun Raws: skyflyinginaction

* Gakuen K (List of Chapters) * Projects & Chapters

In the end, the feeling of discomfort was unexpectedly terrible and she was unable to recover to the point where she could walk home. Although Fushimi's hands had helped her, she was so shocked that she was forced to undergo an examination and she went to the hospital that day.

The next day, after a medical examination, she returned to the girls' dormitory.

(Oh, just, because everyone is taking classes.), she thought.

However, although there should have been no abnormalities at the time of the exam, she had a fever at noon and she stopped going to school that day.

She knew what the reason was, probably from Yata's words.

She believed it was because those words were stuck in her chest and she was worried. In other words, it was something spiritual.

Because it was the first time Yata had yelled at her like that.

She was surprised by the word "betrayal" and that Yata thought that of her.

She didn't know why, of course he was hurt, and maybe he was angry. Because, Yata, he just said that and left the hospital room without hearing her excuse.

But at the same time, Yata's face at that moment couldn't get out of her head.

More than that, she didn't understand why. She thought he was hurt.

His face burned at the back of her eyes and it was very painful.

Actually, it was the opposite, but she still felt that she had hurt Yata.

Is it because he was worried and distraught? By the time Kukuri came to visit her at the end of school, her fever had risen higher and exceeded 38 degrees. Even the next morning, she did not come down. She apparently caught a cold since she was weak.

She had no choice but to go to the hospital the next day while she fluttered about.

She got a drip and a Chinese herbal medicine for the fever.

Anyway, she was bored alone in the room that day and tried to sleep. She had a hard time eating the yogurt that Kukuri bought for her and she took the medicine.

But the next morning, after all, the fever didn't go down.

(Oh, it's the third day. I want to go to school soon.), she thought.

She was impatient, but her body couldn't bear it.

"It doesn't work; it doesn't work..."

She coughed, looked at the ceiling and sighed.

Her body was hot and heavy. It was difficult to even turn around.

She couldn't go to school in that situation. She knew that going there would only cause annoyance and worry.

"Ah…"

She looked up at the ceiling and pursed her lips tightly.

She hated herself as a person.

Being alone in a quiet room reminded her of all the extra things.

This also happened last year, she was alone in the room.

Scared of herself as a "monster", she locked herself in her room. Other than that, she didn't know what to do.

She hugged herself trembling and stared at the wall. Also in the morning, even during the day and at night.

"......"

She wanted to go to school and laugh with Kukuri and Neko.

She also wanted to go to the "HOMRA" bar, and play with everyone in the red club.

She was alone, and she did not like being alone.

"Yata-kun..."

She coughed out the name on her chest. She wanted to see Yata.

She hurt the back of her nose.

Even if she said that, she still remembered what Yata said. She wanted to see him, but she knew he was upset.

Why? He was hurt, he was sad and angry, but she wanted to see him.

She didn't know why, but Yata doubted her.

Was she "betraying" Yata? Why? Why didn't she think that was never the case?

For Yata, how long have you been together since spring?

Did he join her with a sense of duty because of the injury he caused?

She gently clenched her back teeth and covered her eyes with both hands.

Even if she knew it was different, she thought so herself.

Because if not, do you think it is a "betrayal"? Although they are friends!

(Yata-kun, you said that even I was your friend, right?), she thought.

Or was it not good for her like that?

"......"

Thinking that, she shook her head.

She did not doubt him. She just wanted to say, why was she thinking only of Yata?

There were many other things to think about. For example, who locked her up in that place? What was the purpose of it?

Was she also an object of disgust and fear? Because she was as strange a Strain as she was in the previous school?

"Ah...!"

It was disconcerting and sad. Even if she knew she couldn't be helped, it hurt.

But why? After all, the thought immediately returned to Yata.

She thought of various things and she wanted to see him after all.

(Oh, I want to see Yata-kun and talk.), she thought she.

Even now, she wanted to see Yata above all else.

It was at that moment that she heard a clear pounding sound. That surprised her and she opened her eyes.

Looking at the alarm clock next to the bed, it was almost 12 o'clock.

Yes. In other words, it was definitely the time when both students and teachers were in school.

Eh? Who would it be at that time?

"……?"

The moment she wondered and looked around her, called her a second time.

Involuntarily it was impressive.

After all, the sound of knocking was not coming from the door.

When she struggled to get up, she moved to the window, dragging her heavy body.

Then when she moved the curtains and looked out onto the balcony,

"…?!"

Eh?

What she saw from the window was a black school uniform and a boy with auburn hair.

She opened her mouth in amazement, and hurriedly opened the window curtains.

"Yes, Yata-kun?"

It was Yata who was crouched on the balcony to avoid the gaze of the public.

Without a doubt, Yata.

"Uh..."

"Why are you here?! What happened to the school?"

"You have decided to skip it, right?"

Yata blushed and walked away.

"Well, if you think about it, it's true... Isn't that a lie?! Really, Yata-kun?"

"......"

It was too much, she did not immediately accept the reality that she had in front of her and she was confused.

She couldn't believe it, Yata went to the girls' dorm.

"I can enter?"

For her, that she had no choice but to be just a flower, the illusion came carefully.

She took a deep breath and said, "Okay, come in.", and opened the window wider.

"You were in bed."

"But…"

"You have a fever, right?"

Yata kicked off his shoes and walked in, saying that bluntly.

"Yes, I heard."

"Whose?"

"Kamamoto... and Yukizome."

"I see."

She wanted to see him, but she was still hurt and frustrated, so she couldn't speak well.

When she closed her mouth, Yata was also uncomfortable, and as he looked away from her, he coughed, "Would you like to go back to bed?"

"Mmm..."

She thought it was not a place to be stubborn, so she went to bed quietly, Yata sat cross-legged next to her and looked at her anxiously.

Her favorite, Yata's eyes.

Straightforward, hot, and unwavering, but kind.

"Are you okay?"

With that one word, her heart warmed enough that it was painful.

Oh, Yata. Anxious and overprotective. He always rushed first and protected her. The usual Yata.

Yata was next to her. She was so happy that she was about to burst into tears.

Oh, no. It wasn't just that. That was not the norm.

Finally, she realized. Being by his side was already an irreplaceable miracle, but for that it was painful.

Because he said that?

She bit her back teeth and looked at Yata.

"It is bad!"

Then Yata gritted his teeth, painfully distorted her face, and the next moment he sat on the ground. This was the second time for Yata.

Yata's strong voice echoed. She was concerned that they could hear it from outside.

It was the same as that time.

The first day of transfer. Just like Yata, who sat across from her.

He hit his forehead and screamed more.

"You can hit me until you feel like it!"

Eh?!

"Well, I won't do that."

She was surprised by the words, she hastily got up and shook her head.

"Oh, get up and you will fall!"

"Then stop doing that."

"Okay, but…!"

"They haven't asked you to do that, right?"

Perhaps Yata was surprised, he raised his head vigorously.

His eyes that pierced her harbored burning flames.

There was something she came up with with devotion.

Oh, how many times had those eyes saved her?

She liked her, she loved Yata's eyes.

"I want to hear the story, but they haven't asked me to sit down, much less hit me. Ok?"

"But..."

"If you stop, I'll lie down quietly."

"......"

When she said "Hey?", he thought it was not a place to be stubborn. Yata reluctantly crossed his legs. She was relieved and she went back to bed.

"It is bad…"

"You were in the hospital, right?"

"Ah…"

"Let me know..."

Yata painfully distorted his face and looked down.

After being silent for a while, he said, "I'm not going to make an excuse.", and slowly parted his lips.

"Saru was my best friend from high school."

"……!"

She gasped at the unexpected words.

She widened her eyes and looked at Yata, who was still face down.

Was Fushimi-kun his best friend?

There was no reason for him to lie. Yata couldn't lie.

But now they didn't see each other as friends.

"Are you a traitor too?"

Yata's piercing scream echoed through the hospital.

Finally, she was surprised at the unnaturalness of the words.

That was all. At that moment, Yata said "you too", "traitor", for the second time.

It was a word that would never come out unless someone had betrayed him in the past.

"Obviously, he was by my side. It was natural to be by my side. He was a partner and an ally. Truly, always, always together."

"Yata-kun..."

"Since then, I've been longing for Mikoto-san. Both Kusanagi-san and Totsuka-san. I wanted to go to his side and get closer. When I went to high school, I would definitely enter Homura. Both..."

Yata clenched his fist tightly.

"That's right, I entered high school, I entered Homura, but when the summer break was over, he left the club without permission and went straight to the blue club..."

"......"

"It was an unprecedented story in the red club and the blue club, and a big uproar. I didn't understand, and I rushed inside. But the monkey…! He couldn't even speak about the reason!"

He hit the ground with his fist. He shrugged.

"He just laughed to look down, nothing more..."

"......"

"I still don't understand the meaning. I don't understand it and that's why I'm angry..."

"Yata-kun..."

"Why did you betray me? I was far away. But is he your partner? The best is... Homura!"

He felt sad that he couldn't finish his thoughts with every word.

"It's important... I feel like everything was denied..."

"Yata-kun..."

"I heard that you should have gone to help with the class preparations, but you were with the Monkey in that place, and then you were taken away in an ambulance. I thought..."

Yata raised his head and looked at her painfully distorting his face.

"It's bad. You and the Monkey are different..."

He shook his head in a voice that squeezed the wound.

Yata hadn't figured it out at all, which was why he felt frustrated and dejected.

She felt that she could understand that frustrating feeling.

And she understood well the fear of suddenly losing something important.

Once suddenly she lost everything that was important to her.

"......"

(I see. That's Yata-kun's trauma.), she thought.

Perhaps he was very worried, that is why he lacked calm.

At the time, even Fushimi, who contacted her, didn't know what had happened. So they all were told only two things: "she was with Fushimi in an unpopular place" and "she got injured in an accident there."

Then it was impossible not to be suspicious. Especially if there was a trauma.

She could understand words with that feeling.

Finally, when she understood everything, she was relieved to breathe.

(I see. Oh, that was good. That was it.), she thought.

Yata did not doubt her or hate her.

"I said a terrible word and left the hospital room, but I immediately regretted it. Kusanagi-san scolded me. They all did. I thought I would apologize soon, but you had a fever and you were resting..."

Yata began to babble again.

"I thought I would wait until you were okay, but yesterday and today you were the same, so… in other words…"

"I made you worry..."

"That is not a good story."

Still, Yata went to the women's dormitory.

Not just to apologize. Perhaps he was very concerned about her body.

The gentle and eager Yata. Even in the case of a burn, he protected her in an overprotective way.

She smiled when she saw her left hand, which had been completely healed.

"Well, I think it's a story."

"Eh…?"

Yes. That was a good story.

Because at that moment, Yata remembered him at the hospital, right? The sadness when Fushimi left. Anger and suffering. The feeling of loss.

That's why he took it out on her.

So, huh? Why did she remind him of that? Isn't it because she thought she was like Fushimi?

It was natural to be by his side. It was very important. She didn't want to lose him.

That is why she was terrified and distraught.

She hears that.

Was that a convenient interpretation for her? Excessive shyness?

No. She could take a hundred steps and it would still be fine. Still, she was happy!

(I'm happy, Yata-kun. I'm glad I can feel relieved from the bottom of my heart.), she thought.

Because he didn't suspect her. She was not untrustworthy. He did not dislike her.

Yata was still the kind and dear Yata.

"Ah…"

(That's what makes me happy!), she thought.

When she took her hands off the futon, she picked up Yata's clothes.

"Uh..."

"Forgive me. I'm not angry. It was sad and it hurt, but most of all, I didn't understand the meaning. I'm glad you spoke..."

"I…"

"So, huh? Yata-kun... If I recover, will we play again...?"

Yata raised his face.

"Eh…?"

"Ah, play?"

"Of course. But that's..."

Yata got confused and shook his head.

She knew what he meant, because it was about Yata.

That was not compensation. Did he mean that?

But Yata, once again, they haven't asked him to pay, right?

Nothing has been done.

"Yata-kun. I will not leave, I will not betray you, because I no longer want to lose someone important to me. Remember that. I also lost everything once."

"That is to say…"

"Is it okay to be by my side? I want to be by your side... will you let me stay?"

"Ah…"

Yata's face was distorted as if he was crying.

Is it because he didn't want her to see him ​that way? Yata quickly grabbed the hat and lowered it to hide his eyes from her.

"Obviously...!"

She pretended not to know that the little voice was shaking.

How long had it been? For a long time, they were silent.

She fell silent and they remained together, almost motionless.

Oddly, the silence didn't bother her. However, the time passed peacefully.

She thought that the moment when nothing happened was very important.

She reached for Yata's clothes again, drowsy from the warm light.

"About Fushimi-kun…"

When she put on her clothes, Yata rolled his shoulders.

The line of sight that followed seemed terribly awkward. With confidence, just with that, she could see how much that case affected Yata's heart.

She hoped it would be resolved one day, anyway.

She thought that the important thing was not there. It was not necessary for him to understand. He didn't have to go back to normal. She thought it would be fine. Well, Yata's ideal might be to go back to the old relationship.

However, he was still trapped alone not knowing anything. She wishes he could get out of that situation. She thought that only that was different. That alone would be enough to save Yata.

"Do not give up."

"......!"

Speak clearly. She couldn't say anything more and fell silent.

As if Yata always did that, so did she.

"Don't give up, it's not good."

(Don't stop understanding each other. Even if it's painful, never give up.), she thought.

Kamamoto, Suoh, Kusanagi, Totsuka, and they were all next to him.

The moment it surrenders, it will break. It will never be like before.

She gave up and escaped earlier.

"Please don't make my mistake, Yata-kun."

"Ah!"

At her words, Yata distorted his face and moved his mouth as if he was about to start crying.

But no words came out.

The way he was, he bit down on his back teeth and lowered his head again.

"Stop saying that."

A terribly small voice. When she twisted her neck, Yata stared at her.

Her eyes were warm without fluctuation, and her heart made a loud noise.

"I'll tell you appropriately..."

"Yata-kun?"

"Get well soon."

Yata's soft words, which reddened her face, struck her gently.

"Did you eat at noon?"

After that, she was silent for a while and thought about each one of them, but suddenly Yata looked at the clock on the wall and said that.

"Oh, by the way... I haven't eaten..."

"Are you hungry? Should I do something?"

"I want to eat fried rice."

"Eh?"

When he remembered that he did it earlier, Yata opened his eyes.

"It's good for when you feel bad."

"The one you made earlier was delicious."

"I'll do it if you can eat it... But what about the ingredients?"

"Oh, it might not be possible."

She meant, what was in the fridge? For the past two days, she had only eaten yogurt and jelly, which Kukuri brought for her.

When she said that, Yata moved to the front of the refrigerator and looked at it.

"Seriously, there is almost nothing. Yogurt, jam and fruit. And eggs and cold rice?"

Having said that, when he took off his school uniform, Yata looked at her and gave his usual awkward smile.

"Turn it into egg porridge. I'll go back to making fried rice when you're okay."

His words made it even more painful. The hot feelings seemed to push her chest up.

The hot egg porridge made by Yata was delicious.

She had no appetite until a little while ago, but it seemed to be written on her stomach.

She was happy, and her smile naturally overflowed.

"Thank you, I am happy."

"I will do it anytime."

When she thanked him while she smiled, Yata blushed.

"Get well soon."

"Yes, of course."

Yata gave her an awkward smile.

It was like a miracle.

She realized that happiness was such a thing.

She smiled back and chewed on the wonderful "every day."

The next day, she was completely relieved and she went to school for the first time in a long time.

"Saya-chan! You finally came!"

Kukuri-chan! Sorry for worrying you! Thanks for everything!"

She jumped onto Kukuri's chest with both hands spread.

"Konohana-san, are you okay?"

"Isn't it better to rest still?"

"Gohan. Are you okay?"

"Shiro-kun, Yatogami-kun, Neko-chan! I'm fine! Sorry for worrying you!"

When she smiled, everyone breathed like they were relieved.

"I heard this year's cold is bad."

"But I feel like I hear that every year, with a fever."

In pollen season, you hear every year how many times more pollen flies than last year, right?

"But this is credible, because my man from the festival is resting."

(Huh? Festival man?), she thought.

They all point to the window at the same time.

Kamamoto was sitting there alone. Eh? That person?!

When she told everyone, "I'm sorry.", she ran over to Kamamoto.

"Good morning, Kamamoto-kun!"

"Oh, yeah. Is your body okay?"

"Yes. Sorry to worry you. What about Yata-kun?"

"He has a fever and is resting. He caught a cold."

Well, that was... too many thoughts went through her head and she suddenly screamed.

"Oh, that's right. I got infected and infected him."

She looked up and blocked for a moment, then looked at Kamamoto, who seemed bored alone, and tilted her head.

"I want to go see him after school, can you help me sneak into the men's dorm?"

"What? Good, but... Yata-san, he will jump."

"Eh? He will jump and he will be happy?"

"Does not mean that."

She wondered if she was being impatient and going too fast. She wondered if he would turn bright red and flutter.

She knew the way of him to act.

She smiled and clenched her fist.

"No problem, I like that side of Yata-kun!"

Also, she was very happy with yesterday's visit, and she was relieved to understand the situation for which he apologized, but because of that she felt that she wanted to give back because they hurt him in vain.

"I will gladly take you, Konohana-san."

"Thanks!"

So, at night, with the help of Kamamoto, she unknowingly visited Yata's room.

Yata, who screamed, closed the door saying, "Wait two minutes, wait a minute!", but she couldn't wait quietly in the hallway of the men's dorm, they might discover her in the first place.

If he had a fever and was trying to get rid of her, it was outrageous. It wasn't a joke, so she pushes the door aside...

Then, the "superhuman strength" activated well, and when she opened the door, she pushed Yata, who stood with a bright red face, into the room and it was worth taking care of him.

The school festival was only two weeks away.

In order to enjoy the preparation together, they had to be cured as soon as possible.

++++++++++

"What? Christmas party?"

"Yes. I wonder if the red club will do anything for Christmas."

Yata and Kamamoto looked at each other when she said that while closing their PDA.

The school festival was the most enjoyable, including the preparation period. It was too much fun.

Preparing for a class show and preparing a position at the red club. She was very busy at the same time, she wasn't saying she wasn't in trouble, but even now, she remembered having fun. Not only her, everyone smiled and had fun.

Yes, she smiled herself, although the case of being trapped in the warehouse was not solved.

She was afraid to think that malicious intent was hidden somewhere. She couldn't help but be afraid, but Yata was there.

She was sometimes too busy to find the criminal, but thank you all, she thought it was not so much.

When it came to festivals, the red part was still going strong. The post was a great success. On the first day, the prepared quantity ran out early. She significantly increased the number from the next day, but they were all sold out.

After the school festival, it was grandly opened at the "HOMRA" bar.

It was fun.

However, after having fun, the "student book" always arrives.

The scope of the final test had been announced and the preparation period began.

As usual, if they got a red point, they would be banned, so this time too, the red club will work as one to pass the test. By the way, they were heading to the library.

"Let's go quickly, Konohana-san."

"Eh? Yes? I heard from Kukuri-chan that the Christmas party is organized by the Silver Club, right?"

"Oh, that's right. Is that what they're doing at the Himmelreich?"

"Yes. That's right. Would you like to go with me? You were surprised. The Silver club has an airship. Every year, we have a Christmas party in that airship."

"Oh. At the moment, the organizer is supposed to be the Silver club that owns Himmelreich, but the student council and the Blue club are really in charge. The participants are the Silver club and the Blue club, the student council, students. generals invited by its members and general students who won the lottery. Some teachers. It's a lot of people and it seems to be great every year. The food is amazing and luxurious."

Perhaps Kamamoto's interest was at the end, because he was so strong.

"Last year we had a Christmas party."

"Oh, after all? That's true. You said you had a Halloween party too."

"I see. Then let's reject it.", she thought. It was a bit disappointing, but she would like to participate in the Red club area.

When she said that, Kamamoto frowned, "Okay?"

"…? It's okay?"

"You can't do it with the intention of participating, I think you'd be an ant going there, right?"

"Eh? Aren't you exaggerating? I haven't decided yet or something. Okay, but I'd like to participate with the Red club."

"That would be nice. I see. It's Christmas. We'll be there. So, I should avoid the red dot anyway. I can't be a hub."

"That's right. Good luck. Christmas without you would be boring."

"That's right. Let's do our best, Yata-san."

Kamamoto looked at Yata.

But Yata didn't answer that... that is, didn't he ask? While he was thinking of something, he coughed, "Yes. Christmas. Let's do that at Christmas."

She and Kamamoto looked at each other with raised eyebrows.

"Yata-kun?"

"Yata-san?"

"What?! What is it?"

What was that line?

"I'm thinking about it. What's wrong with you?"

"Hmmm, nothing!"

Yata shook his head with the feeling that it was all "yes".

When that happened, she was irritated.

When she looks at Yata, she smiled.

"Well then. What are we going to do at Christmas?"

"What?! I don't understand! I don't know anything!"

"Yes. I agree. So, tell us what you were thinking now."

"Nothing!"

"Yes. I understand that. That's why I'm translating ..."

"Konohana-san, please forgive me in that area..."

Kamamoto sighed and put his hand on her shoulder.

And in that moment…

"Check it out..."

A secret voice crept into her ears.

She suddenly stopped and looked around her as if that voice invited her.

Down the hall. The boys who were listening shook their shoulders and ran off the moment their gazes met.

"……?"

When he turned his neck, Kamamoto coughed, "Now...".

"Do you know them?"

"A little. It's bad. I remembered what I was doing."

"Eh?"

Kamamoto took out the PDA.

"Yata-san. I'll be back first."

"Eh?"

"Konohana-san. See you later."

"Huh? Oh, yeah. See you later."

When she waved her hand, Kamamoto also turned around and ran back the way he came from.

She turned her eyebrows and looked back at Yata.

"What happened?"

"Let's go."

Yata turned around.

"Mainly, I'll find it."

Some days after. She checks it out when she to see Totsuka at the Purchasing Department at noon. So after all, it looked like there would be a Christmas party at the Red club this year too.

"There is also Konohana-san. There is no reason not to."

"Uh, I'm happy! Great!"

When she laughed and clapped her hands, Totsuka patted her head and said "Okay."

"At that time, I think I can give you good news. I look forward to it."

(Good news? What will it be? And did he say it now?), she thought, but interpreted it as a small Christmas present.

With excitement in her chest, she gave Totsuka a big smile again.

"Yes! I'm looking forward to it!"

++++++++++

Bar "HOMRA".

The interior, which was always elegant and calm, was decorated in Christmas colors and was very beautiful.

The Christmas lily, which was large enough to look up, was pure white. The hanging ornaments were all white. However, only the large tied ribbon was crimson. It was terribly vivid to the eyes.

The lively Christmas song was playing in the store.

Kusanagi made a lot of English-style Christmas cookies, and they all got together.

This was her first time, but unlike Japanese cookies, English cookies had decoration on both sides. And the one with the middle cylinder was the winner. He had a paper crown, various items, and a sheet of paper with Christmas cards and jokes.

They played with it while saying something, enjoying the Christmas food from Kusanagi's hands, they played, talked, laughed and talked more.

Of course, no one was out of place with a red dot.

The Red club always tries its best to play. She thought they all worked hard to play.

She felt that he was appreciating the time he could spend with her friends and she liked seeing them all like this. She was glad to be a part of it.

What was a bit concerning is that Yata was a bit quiet. He was always at the center of the confusion.

He seemed like he was not eating well.

But when she said that to Kamamoto, he said, "Okay. Don't worry. No, pretend you don't know. He's nervous."

"Saya-chan, are you eating?"

"Yes! I ate a lot! The meatloaf was too tasty! Kusanagi-san's food is too tasty. I can't doubt it. Oh, I'm getting fat..."

"Yes. We're going to get a little fat."

"What the heck! I absolutely hate it!"

"Ah! Do you want to go home for the New Year’s holidays? Are you coming to eat osechi and ozoni? The store itself is closed, but hey, these guys are definitely coming."

"Of course. I will come."

"It doesn't matter what you cry. Do it right."

Kusanagi laughed and hit her with a pop.

"What? Are you making Konohana-san cry, Kusanagi-san?"

Totsuka smiled and sat down next to her.

"That is correct. It is a tremendous temptation."

"Eh? Don't be bad. Kusanagi-san."

"As a man, it is natural to persuade a pretty girl. There is no reason to complain."

Kusanagi laughed like a bad boy and left.

After saying goodbye with a smile, Totsuka squeezed his face.

"You know what? Konohana-san. About that matter…"

"That matter?"

"You were harassed before the school festival. You were trapped in the warehouse, right? We found the criminal."

"Eh?!"

She gasped at the unexpected words that she didn't expect.

She yelled a bit and looked at Totsuka seriously.

"Eh? The criminal?"

"Yes. Kamamoto noticed and contacted me. So, with the help of Fushimi, the email they sent you was rescued from the broken PDA at a later date. We also found out that it was sent from a PC."

"……!"

"I questioned the boy and confirmed everyone involved in the mischief."

"Ah…"

"Who was he?"

But before he answered that question, Totsuka put his index finger to his lips and sealed them. When he opened his eyes, Totsuka smiled and shook his head.

"I'll come back to that later. At the moment, you got a lot of attention from the Red club."

"......"

"For that? It's a reason."

Totsuka smiled like he was in a little trouble.

"Because it's a red dot in the red part."

"Eh?!"

The unexpected words surprised her.

The only red dot of the Red club, then?

"You said you wanted to join the club, but you couldn't. You didn't choose. You were very sad, you wanted to join a club, you wanted to get closer to the members, but that didn't come true. You didn't. We didn't have a female member, so he was convinced you couldn't get in because you were a woman until spring. But you got in. The first female member of all time. Surrounded by longing and sheltered people. He was jealous, frustrated, so, he talks to his friends, and it seems like they were getting excited."

"......"

"He didn't mean to hurt you. He wanted to annoy you a bit. That's all. He was shocked when an ambulance came. He said he was sorry. But he was jealous."

"Actually…"

"Kamamoto remembered. Last year, the boy wanted to join the Red club in addition to himself. So the other day when I saw the boy's eyes on Konohana-san, I thought maybe that was it."

"So you were correct?"

"Yes. I also saw his face and remembered. It is true that he wanted to join the club last year, but he couldn't take King's hand."

"……!"

In the spring, Totsuka said it was a rite of passage.

She remembered the hand he showed her, shining Homura's flame.

"Is that all? He thought it was unreasonable. He seemed to interpret that he was rejected because he was pointed out that he could not do it. So I thought, 'he was not chosen'. But no, we do not do that. Kamamoto also said to the boy: 'But Konohana-san didn't even doubt it'."

Totsuka laughed.

"Yes. That was the decisive thing that differentiated Konohana-san from him. It didn't matter if Konohana-san was a Strain or something. Konohana-san trusted us. That made the difference."

"Senpai..."

"You will finally ask a question."

After Totsuka looked at her, he softened his eyes from her.

"Do you want to know about that child? If you want to know, I will tell you the class and the name. Will he also be punished? If Konohana-san wants, he will be punished."

"What punishment?"

When she took a breath at the harsh words, Totsuka simply said, "It's natural."

"He hurt you."

"But!"

"At least I think Konohana-san and Fushimi have the right to punish him."

"......"

But that was...

Reflectively, she shook her head.

No, it wasn't right. She understood that what Totsuka said was also correct, but...

"It bothers you?"

"Yes!"

Totsuka's words were very important.

"I don't like it. It's not about having rights or anything like that."

"You don't want to punish him? Did you have that goal?"

"Yes, but..."

She really understood that person's feeling of envy.

Totsuka smiled at the words.

"I think I can do anything if you don't want to lose this place. No. I can do it."

That was why this was an irreplaceable place for her.

"This place is the 'best' to spend time with my friends."

Thus, she could understand the feelings that he painfully yearned for.

With a pong, one hand rested on her head.

Looking back, Kusanagi's mischievous smile was there.

Everyone laughed as she looked around her.

Suoh was also looking at her sideways.

And the moment her eyes met, Yata showed an awkward smile.

His dedicated, straight line of sight was unbreakable.

Her chest warmed.

That was all. She had a "miracle". She couldn't help but be a little jealous. Rather it could be natural. Because actually, this place is the "best" to spend time with friends.

She smiled a little and looked back at Totsuka.

"I don't have to know the class or the name. I don't want any punishment. If he won't do it anymore, that's fine. That's enough."

"Yes, then I will tell him."

Totsuka laughed softly.

She, too, smiled back at him with a warm feeling.

Outside the window, pure white snow flew in the indigo sky.

"It's okay?"

"It's okay!"

Yata replied with a loud voice that made the volume adjustment stupid.

She instinctively looked at the choked attitude he had when he was on the red side.

A night road with white snow.

As expected, Christmas had arrived. The illuminations were gorgeous and there was still no sign of sleeping in the city.

The way home from the party. Two people were walking down the path to the bedroom.

"Eh? Kamamoto-kun? Oh, Kamamoto-kun stayed at the bar because he helped clean it up."

"He told you to help him too, right? There, he was forced to chase you, saying, "It's okay because it's okay"."

After leaving the store, Yata kept quiet and looked more serious than during the party, and when she was worried about it she asked, "Are you okay?"

Well, if he could make such a strong voice, it would be really fine.

(But what happened? He was really weird today, right? Is there something that worries him? Oh, but Kamamoto-kun said he was nervous, right? Something... Oh! Maybe's the new headmaster of the red club? Will Totsuka announce it at the beginning of the year? Is that it?), thinking about that, she was walking at the time.

Yata stopped suddenly.

When he looked back, wondering, Yata looked at her for a moment and then fell silent, then opened his mouth as if he had decided something.

"I'll only say it once!"

"Eh? Oh, yeah."

She wondered what it was.

As she bowed his head, she was still searching and obediently waiting for Yata's words. This was also the "only time" that he did not come easily.

He could make his face turn bright red and scratch his head, or he could swim his eyes blazing, or suddenly pass out in agony. Just do that or nothing.

(Oh, Yata-kun? Is it snowing? It's really cold though.), she thought.

But somehow she couldn't say "make it faster" so she silently waited for the words.

How long should she wait? When it was colder and harder to stand silently, Yata finally looked directly at her. It was like a challenge.

His eyes with hot flames caught her.

"I like you...!"

"Ah...!"

A shaky and hazy voice seemed to have been desperately squeezed out.

But it pierced her heart more vividly than any word she had ever heard.

She involuntarily held her mouth with her hand.

She got those words from Yata, who was extremely shy... she got it... There was no question.

It was inspiring and so hot her chest ached. Of course, her face was almost on fire. She could no longer feel the cold. That margin had vanished somewhere.

"Ah...!"

The tears were overflowing.

And it was Yata who was scared. When he yelled, "Wow!", her eyes shed tears.

"Wow, too bad! I made you cry..."

"It's different. Not bad. I'm sorry..."

She had no more words.

She knew he was misunderstood, but she couldn't hold back the tears and covered her face with both hands.

"Ah!"

She was very happy.

It was a miracle to her, she was a "monster" a year ago.

The more painful it was, the hotter her chest became. The joy that filled her took her breath away. She was going to drown. She was so happy that it made her want to scream.

It's not that he was anxious, overprotective, and unreliable, but that he was compassionate, masculine, direct, big, and kind.

He always ran to her first, or he would walk away in shame.

Yata, who ran in front of everyone, was the coolest and most trusted. But he couldn't speak well to girls, and he would soon turn bright red and get embarrassed.

With Yata everything was fun, interesting, warm and very comfortable.

"Ah!"

His carefree smile was nice, but she also loved to see him laugh in a complicated and awkward way.

Since the spring, Yata was in everyone's memory of her.

(Oh, that's right. I can understand a little about the feeling of wanting to harass. If Yata-kun was stolen from me, I might even harass him. Because I don't want to leave him, or this place where everyone is.), she thought.

"Ah…"

"Well don't cry. Don't cry. I wonder..."

Yata's voice that seemed to be in trouble made her laugh.

"What? Hey..."

"Ah... it's true..."

He didn't even know why she was crying. She also liked that side of Yata.

She wiped away her tears, laughed and said it.

Just a few words, but they were important words.

"I like you too!"

"......!"

"I understand that I am so happy and crying..."

"Ah…"

At that moment, he hugged her so tightly that she couldn't breathe.

"Ah! I'm so happy, I will die of happiness...!"

"That's my line, Yata-kun."

She was too happy, she was scared, because she had more than a "miracle".

Was it really good? She could be happy.

She thought so, but she could no longer put that happiness aside.

She couldn't even imagine a life without Yata.

She silently felt Yata's body temperature, with great happiness.

However, for a time, he took such a bold action. Yata seemed to have returned to himself immediately, and the next moment, he screamed again and released her.

He apologized for a while saying "Wow, too bad!", but she didn't want him to apologize for that.

It was brief, which is why she found it disappointing.

Although she frowned, Yata's carefree and innocent smile couldn't be followed by a grumpy face, she relaxed and laughed.

"Hurrah!"

Yata held his fist with a bright smile before her.

"It was the best Christmas present!"

Yata's words suddenly exploded.

(But that's my line. A gift that's more than a "miracle", thank you!), she thought.

"First visit of the year to a shrine. Come on."

"Yes."

"Let's go to HOMRA to eat New Year's dishes."

"Yes."

"There are no special events in January, but let's play a lot with everyone."

"Yes."

Yata stepped forward holding her hand. The answer was short, she was nervous.

But that was enough to warm her heart.

She laughed and looked up at the indigo sky with white snow.

"If it stacks up, I want to have a snowball fight."

"Okay."

"Ok, let's go."

He takes out the PDA and check the time.

"I guess they got mad."

"Ah…"

Yata sighed.

The time for the bedroom curfew was past, Yata sighed, but he didn't seem to be in a hurry.

She was very happy about it. Because it was Christmas, and she still wanted to be with him.

When she laughed, she felt terribly happy and held Yata's hand.

[defensefilms]

Defense Films Names His Top 5 Favorite Rappers

In All It’s Infinite Glory And Magnanimity, Defense Gives You His Top 5 Favorite Rappers. 

5. 50 Cent 

To this day, when you need a playlist for a MMA class and the group is hella diverse, you’re not really sure which way to go with it, pop in that 50. Can’t go wrong with Get Rich Or Die Trying (the original), or even that G-Unit Beg For Mercy.

That run from late 2002-2005/06 was unlike anything you’ll ever see again. That was a perfect situation where there was organic support from fans and there were people at a business level, mainly 50, that knew how to turn it into the wave that it became and industry has been trying to replicate this ever since.

While most people remember is the numerous scandals, beefs and controversies of that time but it was the music that moved the audience. For all the ways 50 Cent’s success mirrors ruthless American capitalism, his debut album is low key one of the most inspiring albums you’ll ever listen to. 

It’s a foxhole mentality on wax. It’s me-versus-you type thinking. It’s someone has to lose and I’ll be damned. It’s who ever has to get hit, is gonna get hit. 

See the first time I listened to it, it was about “In Da Club”, “Wanksta”, you know the more palatable records that got on radio and all that but the more I listened the more I realized, it was actually built on the backs of songs like “Patiently Waiting”, “Many Men”, “Back Down”, “Don’t Push Me” and “Gotta Make It To Heaven”. On one side it’s as motivational as you can think of but it’s not the wacky kind of naivé motivational talk because it’s willing to get it’s hands dirty and go in to much grittier ideas. 

Like his predecessors, 50 pulls off the trick of balancing easy-to-listen-to records on a foundation of graphic and aggressive songs.  

Recommended Songs: Maybe We Crazy, When It Rains It Pours

4. Jedi Mind Tricks

I’ll give you props if you know who these man are but they are legends. Point blank. Violent By Design will forever rank as one of the great group albums in hip-hop history.  Vinny Paz, Jus Allah and producer/DJ Stoupe The Enemy of Mankind, gave hip-hop a shockwave they weren’t ready for, especially back in 1999.

Hip-hop as a business wasn’t ready to market a group, whose themes were rooted in topics like government control, military warfare, covert control tactics, religion and psychological warfare. To have all that in one bundle wasn’t something that big time A&R’s were ready for. 

Had they started this group in 2010, they would have walked in to a business landscape that was far more suitable to who they were as an act and as MC’s. 

Even with that JMT still enjoyed a lot of notoriety and they definitely succeeded in establishing their following, despite the odds. 

While Violent By Design may serve as the magnum opus of their body of work, their run really starts in 1997 with the Psycho-Social, Biological & Electro-Magnetic Manipulation Of Human Kind. 

Yes guy, that’s an album title. You gotta think now, I was in high school the first time I heard this and I was very into conspiracy theories and nonsense, so this album hit me right between the eyes. The idea that someone could use the medium of hip-hop in this way was crazy and the album would have been more than 10 years old when I first heard it.

No, the hip-hop historians among us will argue that Wu-Tang were a better and more influential group and I’d tend to agree, I can also bust back and say, “these dudes took Wu-Tang’s formula and gave it a whole different edge.”

 I’ll break it to you like this, Wu-Tang gave the world swordsmanship and the first projectile weapons like bow and arrows, spears and the likes. Jedi Mind Tricks gave the world gun powder, advanced modern explosives and semi-automatics. You see what I mean?

Recommended Songs: Untitled, Retaliation Remix

3. Jay-Z

No top rappers list is complete without my man. The only reason he ain’t higher is because, I rate a rapper more highly if they’re in the prime of their musical abilities. If this were an all-time list he’d be way way higher. 

Beginning with Reasonable Doubt is really the only place to start when it comes to Jay. The production, the skits, the way every sentence was so tightly wound together, the word selection and sentence construction. It’s remembered as an album of hits because of tracks like “Cant Knock The Hustle”, ”Feelin It” and “Brooklyn’s Finest” but Reasonable Doubt was really defined by “Dead Presidents”, “D’evils”, “Politics As Usual” and “Can I Live”. 

The first batch of songs gave the album some relatability, as far as depicting club vibes and nightlife glamour because that second batch of songs were all built on darker themes like betrayal, jealousy, greed, blind ambition and deception. That combination of themes as well as the production to match each one is why that album will always rank high among a certain listenership. 

With that being said, never make the mistake of thinking Jay or any man is perfect. There’s like a 3 album run where there’s moments of dope-ness but not a truly complete album. 

Still with that, songs like “Imaginary Player” and “Where I’m From” will rank among his best songs.

It’s only when you get to The Blueprint can you start to see Jay perfecting the art of crafting, whole, complete albums that bump from start to finish. The Blueprint was near perfection in this regard. “U Don’t Know”, “Heart Of The City” and “Momma Loves Me” will rank as his best efforts and yeah, I skipped a few.

The Black Album replicated the Blueprint’s listenability, while also dealing in topics that created an album that sounded very personal to Jay. 

All told, the best parts of his catalogue are so strong that there is no denying his place on my list.

Recommended Songs: Dead Presidents, I Love The Dough

2. Action Bronson

I cannot for the life of me fathom how this man doesn’t get the love but the real ones know. 

The mixtape download era (2010-2017 give or take), had many unlikely success stories. An overweight white guy, who grew up cooking in his parents deli/eatery, turned pro-chef then turned rapper, is beyond unlikely. Only the internet could allow this man to succeed and thank the hip-hop gods it did.

From 2012 to about 2018, Action was one of the only constants in my playlist. I still remember where I was the first time I heard “Brunch”. His catalogue starting with the Tommy Mas produced, Dr Lecter and boasting full collaborations albums along side Statik Selektah and the Alchemist, and of course the classic Blue Chips series. This man’s prime will be underrated. 

If you’re going to take one chapter of Bronson’s art and study it, it’s going to be Blue Chips 1 and 2. Both are thematically perfect without ever trying to be. Which is what allowed Party Supplies to make production choices that grabbed you from the jump. From the first time you hit play on the opening of Blue Chips 1, you’re hit with the sound of falling shards of glass and a violin sound that makes the opening song un-skippable. The songs themes are also a perfect introduction to the man himself. Debauchery, expensive taste, hedonism, revelry, unabashed pleasure-seeking, drug use and just enough self-depreciation that you felt you were along for the ride rather than just a fly on the wall, turning your nose in disgust. It was a perfect mixtape, at a time when mixtapes were at a crazy dumb high standard.

It’s not so much that a rapper made punchlines about food, that would be an over-simplification and really missing the trick. It’s that he made everything he said sound like the dopest thing ever and the most underrated trick about his music is that he made grown man rap without needing to be thuggin’. A rare feat. 

Bronson has since gone on to establish himself as a content creator/producer/food review guy but man, what he accomplished as a complete body of work is nothing short of astonishing.

Recommended Songs: Midget Cough, Bonzai

1. Headie One

So it’s late last year. I’m hanging with my boy Phil and Brown, we had just finished some content and Phil says “yo listen to this”. He proceeds to play Golden Boot and it hasn’t stopped bumping since. 

A UK rapper with a lyrical nous and wit that rivals even legends like Jay-Z, but rapping over trap and drill beats. What Headie One is doing is not the norm and I’m talking in terms of his lyrics, sentence construction, word selection, metaphors, he does it all and like all the greats, he makes it look easy. 

His collaboration with RV definitely helped mold him, with both the “Sticks and Stones” and “Drillers and Trappers” mixtapes giving you an idea of what Headie offers as a lyricist. He compliments RV’s brash, aggressive boasts with slightly less obvious but incredibly witty boasts of his own.

His discography though really starts to peak with 2018′s “The One”. That’s where Headie begins find a sweet spot between his lyrics, production and the themes of his songs. A mixtape like this can only exist via independent release because outside of the aforementioned “Golden Boot”, ain’t none of those songs getting any radio play especially in a country as “conservative” as England. Even in a genre saturated with gangsta/trap, “The One” stands out for what he accomplishes lyrically.

Headie would follow that by releasing “The One Two” in June of 2018 and he ascends even more in what he’s able to accomplish with the words.

 The track “Banter On Me” should be in an all-time list somewhere for being the wittiest track of all time. The song is literally just Headie finding new and innovative ways to boast, call out and bait his foes. Hip-hop/Rap has plenty of beef songs that weren’t really direct call outs to any known public figure but were still definitely taking shots at someone. 50 cent’s “Wanksta” and “Officer Down” are some examples of such songs I can think of. Those did not really have the kind of wit Headie displays here. The constant streams of alliterations, double meanings, puns, metaphors, inferences and innuendos is just astonishing. There’s a real mastery of language at play here. The song is a lesson in language, no textbooks. 

Headie has since released his debut album along with additional tracks for the delux version of the album. His debut studio release “Edna” does what studio releases are supposed to do. “Parle-Vouz Anglais” and “Aint It Different” will standout and are difinitely the most palatable songs as far as radio play. Those are the 2 songs I’d play for first time listeners. 

Recommended Songs: Hard To Believe, Dues, Zodiac

[thefoldedbird]

Mass Effect: Andromeda, Closure

So, it’s been close to four years since the release. Hate has died down considerably, bugs have been patched, faces reconstructed, and opinions reevaluated. On a note of personal opinion.

The combat was the most fleshed out part of this game. It felt good, it felt fluid, and it’s as flexible as it’s ever been. This is perfect for someone who wants to try a class outside their norm and not have long term consequences.

The crafting system. It’s everything I wanted. I missed the level of loot in ME1. Sure managing it sucked but MEA doesn’t have the same management problems. The crafting system this game is the best in the series. Fight me about it.

I didn’t use the multiplayer so I have no opinion.

The characters could have used more work. I am not particularly attached to any of them. Yes Jaal is a nice novelty and a female Turian is bringing some balance to the previously no-girls-allowed club the turian race seemed to be. But none of them are...impactful.

No joke, I was more invested in the small bit of backstory from Kandros. Having been the only one of his siblings to not take a crazy path in life, he came to Andromeda to spice his life and find adventure. I would have loved to hear about his crazy home life with his sisters, him battling with the disappointment from his parents over his leaving and being able to do nothing since they’re dead. Grappling emotionally over the idea that he came looking for his big adventure only to get shoved into a management position for his reliability. Having to shelve his plans and dreams to restore some semblance of militaristic order.

I’m just saying their was a lot of room for a Kandros romance and I’m shocked I didn’t get one seeing all the out of place ones. I didn’t get why Keri was a romance option...or Avela but I think she was meant to be the female Anagara option until they made Jaal bisexual.

That being said PeeBee comes off as someone who would be uninterested in romance as a whole. But you can still get with her.

The characters needed work. Except Kallo. He was perfect. Drack was fine, but they really should have done more with the romance between him and Lexi. He has enough charcteristics to be distinctive from Wrex. His age, being an amputee, being a father, his romance with Lexi. I think the “Wrex 2.0″ opinions stem a lot from their similar snarky demeanor. But that’s just how old Krogans who aren’t assholes are I guess.

It’s funny when you have him an Liam in the Nomad together. The juxtaposition alone is great. 

If there was one thing that made these characters tolerable it was the banter. Oh my god the banter. Everyone was always having a conversation. It’s great.  

Kesh was also pretty amazing as a character. I loved her. Good job being a parent Drack. Wished there was more of her as well.

Storyline kind of seems like reapers 2.0 but with a dash of Eugenics for spice. I am interested in the Jardaan however. That’s new and that’s cool. We haven’t had an alien race like this since the Leviathans right? With the level of technical advancement to create another species. Except the Jardaan went full organic. Like I know this is science fiction but do you know how hard it is to make a body?

That was not an invitation for sex jokes.

I’m not mad at the Kett storyline. It’s actually strikingly similar to the (Netflix) She-Ra storyline now that I’m thinking about it. It is very possibly that the Jaardan are still in the Heleus Cluster. It’s not like Heleus has Mass Effect Relays. The rest of the Kett horde and the Jardaan are probably closer to our cast than our cast is to the Milky Way.

There’s many unresolved storylines as well. The Quarian Ark, the Jardaan, the rest of the Kett, what are the Turians going to do without a homeworld?

In relation to that note. That GIANT ship on Elaaden. Whose crummy idea was it to only have us explore 2% of it? That could have been a WHOLE other thing.

Holy shit it would be downright unbeliveably cool if the ship could be stripped for materials to build structure on Elaaden. Think of how unique and imposing that would look? Sleek black metal against the sand dunes. 

Speaking of ships. Finding the other arks was some of the best stuff in the game. Don’t know why. But the ark missions were just *chef’s kiss* a thing of beauty.

Raeka and Avitus are premier pathfinders. I don’t even remember the Asari’s name though. That mission got pretty messy. Ethically and politically.  

The long and short of it is that I want closure. It would be very easy to write off our current crew members into doing other things. Drack being a grandpa, Gill settling down with Jill, PeeBee spearheading the research on Khi Tasira (The Remnant City). She’d make a great researcher. Like Mordin. Good at what she does but totally able to shoot you in the head if necessary. I’d like to see her take on a “mad scientist” role.

Cora could be spearheading the new age of biotics proposed as a way to interact with remnant. It’s mentioned in an email during the epilogue. Liam could be a part of a new crisis response center as the humans of the Hyperion set about trying to colonize Meridian. It’s new territory. Accidents on any scale are bound to happen.

There are other characters but my point is that a time skip and some new faces could fix a lot of the problems with Andromeda. Throw in the quarian ark, the Jardaan, the rest of the the Kett horde, some news about what happened to the old Milky Way, some new faces and fresh backstories to explore and I really think it could be legendary.

It’s not going to happen. The level of backlash was too severe and now it’s as good as gone...but it shouldn’t have been. There was and still is potential.

If the next mass effect game gives us information and ties to Andromeda I won’t be mad. At all. That world still has stories to tell and I think it deserves that chance.

[scripttorture]

1.) For a character, which can be as similar or different from yourself as you want. They're from the country of Imptula (based on England, with influence from China), and work as a healer. Once had a good relationship with the Archmage Chromain Baker, but after he starts having people tortured for information on the Wrathlanders, they stand their ground and fight his agenda in every way they can without putting themselves in unnecessary danger. Beyond that too, if you'd like.

2.) So, character creation questions: Name? (1st, last, middle, nickname?) What race? {for story purposes, they’d need to be one of these: Human, Mithu (rabbi- elf people), Draeken (lizardfolk), or Catfolk } Hair? (length, style, color, texture) Skin tones? Height? Body type? Age? Sex/Gender?3.) were they trained as a combat medic or a hospital doctor? Or a potion-maker/ pharmacist type? Affinity for what element? (Fire, water, earth, air, life/death?) Personality? (key traits, or a meyers briggs quiz if you want) Likes? Dislikes? What would they do on a day off/ in their free time? (hobbies, how they wind down, places they’d visit)

-

I feel like this is a question that’s more about how I’d write a character involved in this kind of activism then what people like this are ‘typically’ like. And I’m happy to indulge. (Though for the record I’m not sure if there is a ‘typical’ anti-torture activist in real life.)

 With tabletop roleplaying games (which is what this sounds like) I tend to build a character starting from the race and culture they’re from.

 I do that because I found looking at the stat bonuses for different rpg races was helpful for narrowing down the class I played.

 But if it’s just writing and stat bonuses aren’t a factor- I personally go by what I think is interesting.

 And what’s interesting to me is in-betweens and boundaries. If I have a setting with a lot of cultural differences then I want to show them. I like writing different characters navigating cultural differences in as many different ways as possible. I like code switching. I like exploring how people relate to their cultures and why.

 I don’t tend to write a lot of non-human races in my fantasy.

 I tend towards writing non-white characters. Partly because I feel like the genres I write in are completely saturated with white, Europe-based stories. And partly because it’s an unfortunate fact that I’m more likely to get published as a white person and the lack of representation is harming kids who aren’t white.

 Looking at this list of character features I am struggling to put anything together. Because- well I don’t create characters in isolation. I create them for the world they inhabit.

 In my own stories I’m creating them as I create the culture and other characters. I pick traits based on contrast to other characters. I pick backgrounds and inherent features based on what they add, what they bring in to the story.

 And I do a similar thing in rpgs. I pick my character’s race because of what the world lore says about them and how that would effect them navigating the world. I pick their personality and age based on the other characters around them.

 I also tend to hand out neuroses to my characters like sweets.

 So you know what? Since we’re talking about how I would do this let’s put aside the list of features and focus on what I’d find important: the relationship with the Archmage.

 This opposition is important, it’s character defining for both of them. I’d want someone different but not a complete inversion. I’d want to create a strong sense that these characters have different backgrounds, different roots, but enough similarities that they’d have been friendly. I’d also want to create as much diversity in the story as possible.

 He’s a man. So my first instinct is to make a female character to oppose him.

 He’s probably at least middle age if he’s occupying a position of power that requires promotion. I’d either make the activist much younger, in her 20s, or much older, in her 70s.

 I’ll talk about making an older character because I feel like having a younger character would be more… typical. It’s a common fantasy trope to have the young good-hearted apprentice turn on their evil mentor. It’s a lot less common to have a good-hearted mentor stay alive and try to take down their evil ex-student.

 An older character means you could have a wealth of experience. You could potentially give a character that age experience in every single area you’ve mentioned at different periods in her life. And that breadth of experience in turn means that she could have a lot of connections, hundreds of old friends.

 That means that setting up an organised opposition wouldn’t be work. It would be a few letters or phone calls.

 ‘Lee my dear, how are you pet? Now I’m ever so sorry to bother you but I don’t suppose you’d be able to let me and a few friends into one of your warehouses tomorrow night? Oh well of course not dear! They’re very well behaved-’

 ‘Josephine, darling how are the children? I’m very happy to hear that, and the Mother’s Union meetings are they going well? How wonderful! I knew you’d be able to manage it- I don’t suppose the members would be interested in-’

 ‘Georgie love, how are the orchids doing? I am so glad to hear that, now I don’t suppose you know a Dr Cheng of Rainwrights Street? It’s ever so important I get to speak to him-’

 One of the wonderful things about writing older people as activists is the place in society they occupy. A lot of cultures have traditions of revering the elderly as the holders of communal wisdom and history. And in practice a lot of older people have deeper and more wide ranging ties to their community; they know a lot of people and they know them well.

 This makes them a natural fit for a communal movement. They can capitalise on respect they have already earned.

 This also shifts the narrative away from big singular acts, making it about a collection of smaller sustained actions. I personally think that’s more true to life, and it leads to a different kind of story.

 Having an older character as a focus also creates an easy way to introduce disability in a naturalistic way. Arthritis, cataracts, heart disease and cancer all become more likely with age. Since the character’s strength is in her social capital there’s a great opportunity to write a powerful disabled character.

 Age and disability could even create an advantage for her. Even if the Archmage is comfortable having a bunch of strapping young men arrest, or even beat, a frail old lady with a cane other people won’t forget it.

 Acting openly against a character like that, especially a loved member of the local community, would create a backlash. It would inflame opinion and help turn people against the Archmage. Because how dare he treat a sweet old lady with such disrespect.

 To flesh this character out further, adding to her personality and hobbies, I’d simply look back over what I already have and think about what that suggests.

 If I want the character to be someone with ‘soft’ communal power then I’d concentrate on the sorts of hobbies and traits that support that image. That make her above reproach in the cultures she’s part of.

 Depending on the culture that can mean participation in religious rites and various institutions.

 Thinking about England now I’d make a character like that the head of a local WI group. I’d make her a good cook and the kind of person whose door is always open to her neighbours. She’d make jams and pickles and cakes and have three types of tea blends in the cupboard. I’d make her a very good listener, patient and compassionate. She might do a little bit of gardening and grow flowers.

 In essence I’d deliberately pick hobbies and traits that have particular associations in that culture: things that emphasise her status as a respected pillar of the community.

 I don’t know what these would be in the cultures found throughout China. I also don’t know what they’d be in the setting you’ve created which has blended English and Chinese cultures. But you should be able to figure out what they are by thinking about the culture you’ve rooted this character in.

 Alternately you might want to give her hobbies that are useful for the plot later on. Perhaps they establish a connection to a particular character, or establish the character’s capacity to cope well with a particular problem.

 Rounding this off, you do not have to use the character I’ve sketched or the type of character creation process I do. There is no ‘correct’ way to approach writing. This is just the way I’ve found that works for me personally.

 I hope that outlining it will help you think about your own character creation process and what you want out of this character.

 Anti-torture activists really can look like anyone. They can be ‘mavericks’ operating outside the system. They can be traditionalists deeply entrenched within it. They can be any age, gender and race. They can be disabled.

 Think about the kind of character your story needs. Think about what’s typical for the genre and whether sticking with that norm benefits your story.

 Above all practice. Writing does become easier with time.

 I hope that helps. :)

Availableon Wordpress.

Disclaimer

[boat-full-of-lotus-pods]

MDZS Chapter 86. “Core” Part 8

You gotta bring your boyfriend to the place where you grew up

Wei WuXian, “Is there any evidence for everything you’ve said?”

After a pause, Sisi replied, “No. But if I’ve spoken even one line of falsehood, then let my body rot and be buried without a full corpse!”

Sect Leader Yao interjected immediately, “Her story is too detailed to be a lie!”

Frowning, Lan QiRen turned to the other woman, “I believe I’ve seen you before.”

The woman seemed alarmed, “P-perhaps we’ve met.”

Some people were startled by this admission, ‘Sisi is a prostitute. Is this woman a prostitute as well? How could Lan QiRen have known her?’

The woman continued, “During the LaolingQin Sect’s discussion conference, I had accompanied my madam.”

A female cultivator with sharp eyes named her, “You are……Bi Cao, Madam Qin’s handmaid Bi Cao! Is that right?”

The Madam Qin she was referring to was the wife of Qin CangYe, the mother of Jin GuangYao’s late wife Qin Su. The woman nodded, “But I am no longer with the Qin Sect.”

Sect Leader Yao exclaimed with vigor, “Do you have something to tell us as well?”

With red-rimmed eyes, Bi Cao replied, “What I’m about to tell takes place a bit earlier, around twelve to thirteen years ago.”

“I had served Madam Qin for many years and had watched Maiden A-Su grew up. Madam loved A-Su dearly and always looked out for her. But around the time of Young Madam Su’s wedding, the Madam’s mood was always down. She had nightmares almost every night, and wept a lot during the day. At the time, I’d thought it was because her daughter was getting married and that she was sad to see her leave, so I’d comfort her and tell her that Young Madam’s husband was a nice young man with a good position and a good temperament. He was an earnest, loyal man who would make the Young Madam happy. But everytime I said these things, Madam would become even sadder.”

“A few days before the wedding, Madam suddenly told me one evening that she needed to go see Young Madam Su’s future husband. And that she needed to go see him immediately, and asked me to accompany her. I said, “If you want to see him you can summon him, Madam. Why would we go to a young man’s place in secret in the middle of the night and draw suspicion on ourselves if someone hears about it?” But Madam insisted, and so in the end I went with her. Once we were there, she asked me to stay outside, didn’t let me in, so I had no idea what she and Jin GuangYao talked about. I only know that a few days later when the day of the wedding ceremony was finally decided upon, Madam fainted the moment she saw the official invitations. She continued to be miserable long after Young Madam Su’s wedding. It was a sickness of the heart that only grew worse as the days went by. Right before she passed away, she finally couldn’t keep things to herself any longer, and told me everything.”

Tears streamed down Bi Cabo’s face as she continued, “LianFang-Zun Jin GuangYao and our Maiden Su aren’t husband and wife at all. They are brother and sister……”

“What?!”

It was as if a bolt of lightning had struck over the Training Hall. Everyone was flabbergasted. Wei WuXian could see Qin Su’s pale face in his mind’s eyes. Bi Cao continued, “Fate couldn’t be crueler to my Madam…… The late Sect Leader Jin was a monster. He fancied my Madam’s beauty. One time, while he was drunk, he forced himself on her…… How could my Madam resist him? And afterwards she didn’t dare to speak of it to anyone. My Master was loyal to Jin GuangShan and held him at a high place. Madam was terrified. Jin GuangShan couldn’t remember whose daughter Young Madam Su was, but my Madam could never forget. She didn’t dare to confront Jin GuangShan directly and knew that the Young Madam truly loved Jin GuangYao. After struggling for a long time, she still decided to go find Jin GuangYao in secret before the wedding so she could tell him the truth and plead for him to think of some ways to lift the engagement and avoid this atrocity. Little had she expected, Jin GuangYao would still marry her even after knowing that she was his sister!”

What was scarier was that not only did he marry her, the two even went on to have a child!

What a colossal atrocity!

People’s comments were becoming more and more heated, “How many years had Sect Leader Qin followed after Jin GuangShan? How could he be so low as to lay hands on a loyal subordinate’s wife? Jin GuangShan is too much!”

“No secrets can stay hidden forever……”

“If Jin GuangYao wanted a solid footing in the Lanling Jin Sect, then he needed a powerful ally like Qin CangYe to be his father-in-law. How could he let this opportunity go?”

“He must be a madman amongst madmen.”

Wei WuXian turned to Lan WangJi in a low voice, “No wonder he told her, “A-Song must die” back in the secret room.”

Others inside the Training Hall had thought of A-Song as well. Sect Leader Yao said, “Judging from this, I may be so bold to guess that his son wasn’t assassinated, but killed by Jin GuangYao himself.”

“What do you mean?”

Sect Leader Yao reasoned, “Children born of incest will most likely be mentally handicapped. Jin RuSong was only a few years old when he’d died, just around the time when a child’s intelligence starts to flourish. His developmental problems wouldn’t be very obvious to anyone when he was a toddler, but as soon as he was a little older, it’d be impossible to hide them. Even if no one traced his issues to the possibility of incest, he’d still be mentally handicapped all his life. People would no doubt point their fingers at Jin GuangYao then, saying things about his upbringing…such as how only the son of a prostitute could ever father children like this or the likes……”

Many saw the logic in this reasoning, “Such a sharp mind, Sect Leader Yao!”

Sect Leader Yao continued, “Plus, the one who supposedly murdered Jin RuSong also just so happened to be the sect leader in opposition of Jin GuangYao building the lookout towers. Isn’t that too much of a coincidence?” He smirked, “Either way, there was very little reason for Jin GuangYao to keep a stunted offspring. He’d be much better off having Jin RuSong killed and framing it on an opposing sect leader. That way he could use justice and revenge as excuse to prosecute the sect that he could not tame. It’s a cruel yet very efficient method, getting rid of two birds with one stone. LianFang-Zun is a brilliant manipulator!”

Suddenly, Wei WuXian turned to Bi Cao, “During the discussion conference at Koi Tower a few days ago, you went to see Qin Su, didn’t you?”

Bi Cao was surprised. Wei WuXian, “That night, Qin Su and Jin GuangYao had an argument inside the Fragrant Palace. She said she saw someone who had told her something and given her a letter, and that the person would never lie to her. She was referring to you, wasn’t she?”

Bi Cao, “Yes.”

Wei WuXian, “You’ve held this secret for so many years, why did you suddenly decide to tell her the truth then? And why did you suddenly decide to tell everyone this now?”

Bi Cao, “Because……I needed Young Madam Su to know what kind of a person her husband really was. Originally, I didn’t intend to tell this to everyone, but after the Young Madam mysteriously took her own life at Koi Tower, I decided to reveal the truth about that monster and bring Madam Su some justice.”

Wei WuXian smiled, “So it has never occurred to you how big of a blow it would be for her to know the truth? Unless you really don’t know? It’s precisely because you had told her first that Qin Su took her own life.”

Bi Cao, “I……”

Sect Leader Yao was indignant, “I disagree. Are you saying that hiding the truth would have been the right thing to do?”

Another person immediately interjected, “You can’t blame the messenger. Aye, Madam J-……Qin Su was too delicate.”

A few older female cultivators commented, “Qin Su… What a poor woman.”

“I used to admire her. What fortune she had. Brought up well, married well. The Madam of Koi Tower with a loyal, loving husband. Aye, who knew……”

One woman sounded not at all surprised, “What’s pretty on the surface is often ugly on the inside. There’s nothing to admire.”

Wei WuXian pondered in silence, ‘Maybe this was why Qin Su had chosen to end her life. She probably didn’t want to withstand other people’s pity and gossip.’

Lowering his gaze, he saw a gold bracelet embellished in jade around Bi Cao’s wrist. It was of the utmost craftsmanship and definitely not something that a handmaid could afford to wear. Smiling, he commented, “Nice bracelet.”

Bi Cao immediately tugged her sleeve lower and lowered her head without a word.

Nie HuaiSang blurted out with confusion in his voice, “But…But what’s the real purpose behind these two coming here today? What exactly is this for?”

Sect Leader Yao, “What’s the point of pining over these details? No matter who’s sent them here, there’s one thing we know for sure: He’s a man of justice who’s definitely on our side.”

Many people agreed, “That’s right!”

Yet Wei WuXian challenged it, “The one who’d save Maiden Sisi cannot be an average man. He must have a lot of time and wealth on his hands. But a man of justice? Not necessarily.”

Lan WangJi, “Too many uncertainties.”

Had Wei WuXian been the one to have said this, everyone would probably just ignore him. But since it was Lan WangJi who had spoken, silence immediately fell upon the room. Lan QiRen asked, “Which parts?”

Wei WuXian, “Oh, many, many parts. For example, if Jin GuangYao is truly completely cruel and remorseless, then why would he kill two dozen women only to keep Sisi alive? Now that we have a witness, where’s the evidence?”

All this time, he had been challenging the norm, singing a different tone than the crowd. Some people were beginning to feel annoyed. Sect Leader Yao shouted, “Then this is exactly what they mean when they say ‘the net of Heaven’s has large meshes, but lets nothing through’[1].”

Wei WuXian smiled and had nothing left to say.

He knew no one would listen to him right now. No one would seriously consider his questions. If he kept going, the blades might turn towards him instead. Had he been a decade younger, he wouldn’t have cared what other people would say or think of him. He’d have spoken to his heart’s content even if no one wanted to listen. Now, however, Wei WuXian was no longer interested in being in the spotlight.

Thus, wave after waves of heated discussion started inside the hall:

“How could he be so ungrateful[2]?! What a madman[3]!”

For a decade, in the public’s discussions, “ungrateful” and “madman” were two words that had become nearly interchangeable with Wei WuXian’s name. And so for a split moment, he’d thought that the crowd was cursing his name again before realizing that they weren’t directed at him. Same crowd. Same words. Yet the one being cursed had changed. It would take some time for him to get used to it.

Immediately, another voice spoke up, “The connection he had with ChiFeng-Zun and ZeWu-Jun was the only reason why Jin GuangYao even managed to climb to where he is now. Otherwise how could the son of a prostitute ever land himself in such a high position? To think that he would stab ChiFeng-Zun in the back! ZeWu-Jun is still with him right now. I can only pray that nothing bad has happened to him yet!”

Originally, none of them had believed that the death of Nie MingJue, the mutilation of his corpse, and the fierce corpses that tried to lay siege on them on Burial Mound had anything to do with Jin GuangYao. Now, however, they all decided to change their minds.

“Not only his sworn brother, even blood brothers couldn’t escape his betrayal. In the years following Jin GuangShan’s death, he took no delays in getting rid of his father’s other bastards, worried that someone would come take his birthright from him. Mo XuanYu was one of the luckier ones. Had he not been driven out for his madness, he might have disappeared like all his other brothers, who all went missing for various reasons.”

“He probably played a hand in the death of Jin ZiXuan as well!”

“Anyone still remember Xiao XingChen from years ago? Xiao XingChen of ‘the bright moon and the gentle breeze’? And the case of the Yueyang Chang Clan. LianFang-Zun even greatly exerted his influence just to protect the man who was involved in that case, Xue Yang.”

“Didn’t a lot of sect wanted to take Xiao XingChen in as a guest cultivator when he first came down the mountain? The Lanling Jin Sect had filed an invitation too but was rejected. At the time, the Jin Sect had been really full of themselves. To be rejected by some small cultivator must have been terribly embarrassing for them. Later, when they protected Xue Yang, it must have been about this earlier grudge. Either way, they probably didn’t want things to end well for Xiao XingChen.”

“Tsk, who did they think they are?! To destroy someone just because they rejected their invitation?”

“Aye, it’s too bad. I was fortunate enough to have witnessed the splendor of Daozhang Xiao XingChen’s night hunt for myself once. His Shaunghua was a sight to behold.”

“Jin GuangYao eventually took care of Xue Yang as well, like mad dogs turning on one another.”

“I heard that back when Jin GuangYao was undercover in the Qishan Wen Sect years ago, he wasn’t loyal to the cause at all. What he’d really had in mind was this: If the Sunshot Campaign were to fail, then he’d continue following the Wen Sect and smooch up to Wen Ruohan. And if the Wen Sect were to fall, then he’d stab them in the back and make a hero of himself.”

“Wen RuoHan must be turning in his grave right now. He’d trusted him like a family and invested in him greatly. Even the sword technique that Jin GuangYao uses today was mostly taught to him by Wen RuoHan himself!”

“That’s nothing. I heard that the reason behind ChiFeng-Zun’s failed ambush at the time was because Jin GuangYao’s had given him false information!”

“Let me share a secret as well then. The money and resources needed to build those lookout towers of his were all gathered from other sects, right? Each sec would receive the portions they’ve contributed, but I’ve heard that he’d actually retain for himself…… this much.”

“Oh Heavens…… that much? How shameless! And here I thought he was honestly trying to do things with them. We’ve been feeding our devotions to the dogs!”

Wei WuXian found this all to be quite amusing. He mused in his heart, ‘If you know it’s only rumors, then why believe it without question? If it’s really a secret, then how did you come to know about it?’

None of these rumors were fresh or new. While the tides had favoured Jin GuangYao, they were effectively contained, and no one really believed them to be true. Yet, in the span of one night, it was as if all the rumors had suddenly become solid evidence, and one by one they became the cornerstone foundation to Jin GuangYao’s tower of sins; proof of his madness.

“So it appears that not only has he murdered his father, his brother, his wife, his son, his master, his friend… But he also committed incest. What a scary man!”

“The Lanling Jin Sect is unapologetically tyrannical, and Jin GuangYao never liked to listen to anyone else. The Jin Sect had always been full of themselves, and under Jin GuangYao’s influence, they’ve been stomping all over us and doing whatever they want. Did he really think we’d keep tolerating him and allow such evil to persist?!”

“He must be growing wary of how far and wide the other sect’s influences have been spreading. Afraid of being overthrown just like the QiShan Wen Sect. So he decided to go all out without worrying of consequences, getting rid of us once and for all.”

Sect Leader Yao smirked, “If that’s what it is, then so be it. We’ll turn his worst fear into reality.” He slammed the table hard, “We’ll lay siege on Koi Tower!”

Cheers of agreement erupted all around them. Wei WuXian thought to himself, ‘Just yesterday, this “scary man” was still the respectable LianFang-Zun. Within a day, they’d already started screaming for his blood.’

Suddenly, someone turned to him, “Mister Wei, Jin GuangYao has the Tiger Seal in his hands. We’d have to rely on you for that.”

Wei WuXian, “Ah?”

Never had he expected anyone to voluntarily talk to him, not to mention with so much passion and respect, and even addressing him as “Mister” and not “thief” or “dog” or some other similar derogatories. Wei WuXian paused slightly. Immediately, another sect leader turned to him as well, “That’s right! No one’s a greater expert than the Yiling Patriarch in this matter!”

“Now, Jin GuangYao’s hit something larger than he can handle, hahahaha…”

Wei WuXian was momentarily speechless. The last time anyone had praised and schmoozed to him like this had been back during the Sunshot Campaign over a decade ago. Although someone else had finally replaced him on this throne reserved for the cultivation world’s public enemy, nothing about this felt sweet or rewarding. Neither was there the feeling of gratitude for finally being accepted by the rest of the world. The only thing he felt was suspicion, ‘Is this also what happened then? A bunch of people gathering at some random place, spontaneously had some secret discussion, spat curses all over the sky the whole night, and then just all decided to go lay siege at Burial Mound?’

The discussion ended just as preparations for the YumengJiang Sect’s banquet hall were complete. But when the banquet commenced, two figures had disappeared from the crowd. A Sect Leader wondered, “How come we are missing Wei-……the Yiling Patriarch and HanGuang-Jun?”

Sitting in the head seat, Jiang Cheng asked the guest cultivator beside him, “Where are they?”

The guest cultivator replied, “After leaving the inner hall, they went to get a change of clothes. They said they won’t be joining us for the banquet, and would be taking a walk instead. They also said they’ll be back later.”

Jiang Cheng smirked, “Rude as always.”

His words seemed to imply that Lan WangJi was impolite as well, and it made Lan QiRen displeased. If Lan WangJi could be considered rude, then there would be no such thing as politeness in this world. The thought made Lan QiRen clench his jaw at Wei WuXian again. Meanwhile, Jiang Cheng had adjusted his expression back to normal and politely announced, “Please, let us eat. I will invite the two of them back later.”

Beyond the front gate of Lotus Pier, Lan WangJi wordlessly let Wei WuXian guide them near the docks, strolling leisurely and aimlessly.

There were a couple of food vendors by the docks. Walking up to them, Wei WuXian smiled and said, “Skipping the banquet was a great decision. Lan Zhan, come here, come here, this pancake is delicious. I’ll treat you! Excuse me, I’ll take two of these.”

Smiling, the vendor wrapped up two pancakes in oil paper[4]. Just as Wei WuXian was about to receive them, he suddenly remembered that he was penniless. How could this be his treat? Meanwhile, Lan WangJi had already received the food for them with one hand, and paid with the other. Wei WuXian, “Ayah, I’m so sorry, why is it always like this? It seems that every time I plan to treat you to food, I end up treating you nothing.”

Lan WangJi, “It’s fine.”

Wei WuXian lowered his head for a bite, “Back in the days, I never had to pay for street food. I just grabbed what I wanted, whenever I wanted. I’d eat as I walked or just grab one and run. At the end of every month, the street vendors would go directly to Uncle Jiang with the bills.”

Lan WangJi left a delicate, crescent-shaped mark on the otherwise very round pancake in his hand, “You still don’t have to pay.”

Wei WuXian, “Hahahahahahahahahahahaha!”

Wei WuXian finished his pancake in just a few bites. Bunching up the oil paper into a ball, he played with it in his hands. Eyes darting about, he said, “There aren’t a lot of other vendors left. Back in the days, these docks were always filled with street vendors no matter how late it was, selling all kinds of food. A lot of people from Lotus Pier used to have very late suppers. There’d be quite a few boats around too, not any less than the Textile Town near your sect.”

He continued, “There’s a lot less now. Lan Zhan, you’re here too late. You didn’t get to see when this place was at its best and most interesting.”

Lan WangJi, “Not too late.”

Wei WuXian smiled, “Back when I was studying at the Cloud Recesses, I’d told you so many times that I’d take you to Yunmeng to play. You’d always ignore me. I should have been more bold and daring and just dragged you over. Why are you eating so slow? You don’t like it?”

Lan WangJi, “Eat silently.”

Lan WangJi was always a careful and meticulous eater. He always chewed before he swallowed. If he were to speak, he’d always make sure that there was no food in his mouth. Wei WuXian said, “Alright, then I will stop talking to you while you eat. I thought you didn’t like it. And I was even going to offer finishing the rest for you.”

Lan WangJi turned to the vendor owner, “Another one, please.”

By the time Wei WuXian was done finishing his third, Lan WangJi was still slowly working through his first, and they had already strolled very far away from the docks of Lotus Pier. Still leading the way, Wei WuXian pointed left and right for Lan WangJi to look at as they wandered about the streets.

He very much wanted to show Lan WangJi all the places he’d been to while growing up —where he’d played at, fought at, rolled at— and tell him about all the funny, terrible, mischievous things he’d done —the people he’d fought, the things he’d nabbed, the pheasants he’d chased. He would then watch for the slightest variation of expression on Lan WangJi’s face, anticipating his every reaction.

Wei WuXian, “Lan Zhan! Look at me, look at this tree.”

Finally finishing his pancake, Lan WangJi folded the oil paper into a neat little square and held it in his hand as he looked towards where Wei WuXian was pointing. It was just an average tree, straight, lush, and looked to be around more than a decade old. Wei WuXian walked up to the tree, circled around it twice, then slapped its trunk, “I’ve climbed this tree before.”

Lan WangJi, “You have climbed most trees we’ve seen on the way over.”

Wei WuXian, “This one is special! This is the first tree I’ve climbed when I first came to Lotus Pier. I climbed it in the middle of the night. My shijie came to find me with a lantern, and tried to catch me from below in case I fell. But how could she catch me with those thin arms of hers? So I still ended up breaking my leg.”

Staring at his leg, Lan WangJi asked him, “Why were you climbing a tree in the middle of the night?”

Bending at the waist, Wei WuXian smiled, “No particular reason. You know me, I love to fool around outside late at night. Haha.”

-

Footnotes:

[1]: ‘The net of Heaven has large meshes, but lets nothing through’: a Chinese proverb that essentially means that all evil will be prosecuted and punished eventually, even though the net of Heaven (aka justice) isn’t always thorough and meticulous all the way.

[2]: “Ungrateful”: Ungrateful doesn’t actually fully convey the gravity of the term “忘恩负义” used in the novel. Essentially it’s used to describe a lack of integrity, of turning against those who did you favours in the past. A bit similar to the English term “bite the hand that feeds you”.

[3]: “Madman”: The original term used in the novel by people to describe Jin GuangYao is actually “丧心病狂”, which implies both a lack of sanity and morals.

[4]: Oil paper: Kind of like wax paper but with oil applied to paper for water-resistance instead of wax.

Lastly:

A special note of thank you to my betas @clockworkspider and anon gremlin for this chapter. Thank you guys. SO much.

[taetaesbaebaepsae]

Compatibility Chart Commission

For Kim Taehyung and @singularitxe​ ( I hope you love it!)

A/n: I am highkey jealous of this chart, I just want you to know, because I WANT TO BE THIS COMPATIBLE WITH TAE TAE

Second a/n: Please heed the asterisks as I have provided Kristy’s thotty notes below as my mom wouldn’t put this in here bc she’s you know, my mom and I’m thirsty for Tae but I did a more in depth analysis of the sexual and physical aspects of this chart!

Word Count: 2213

With Virgo Sun (you) and Capricorn Sun (Taehyung) the initial attraction should be strong enough to propel these two into a relationship if either is willing to make the first move. Once they get started, they will find many common goals and plenty to talk about.  Both are mature, responsible and loyal.  Capricorn can be slow to act even if he is in love and needs to be absolutely sure of someone before he will commit.  Virgo, already prone to worry, may become anxious and wonder if he was ever interested at all.  Once you survive the waiting game, however, Capricorn is loyal to the end. 

The sexual relationship should be easy and exciting due to a natural chemistry between these two Earth signs. Problems may arise due to the Aries Moon/Virgo Moon, since his Aries are prone to emotional outbursts and short-lived fits of temper.  You in Virgo, guarded and reserved, may take on the role of therapist to help the loved one through the crisis.  His Aries may be draining on your Virgo's more sensitive nature with brash and impulsive behavior and this can present a challenge to the relationship.  This conflict could be watered down though, by your Mercury Virgo  and his Mercury Capricorn combination as once again, the compatibility amps up and stabilizes his bolder tendencies. Your Mars in Sagittarius may make this "reserved" Virgo a little adventurous and willing to step outside the norm for fun times and light-hearted sexual encounters, especially before commiting to a relationship.  

At almost the opposite end of the spectrum, his Mars/Capricorn* combo may make him even more serious and more prone to isolation, as he plans his path to success. Sexually however, this fire isn't out yet!  If your Mars in Sagittarius can stay the course and reassure his Mars/Capricorn of their staying power, they will be rewarded with a steady source of loyalty and sensual delights. Your Venus/Leo will be flirty and open in opposition of Virgo's sometimes shy nature and may be put off somewhat by his Venus/Aquarius detached way of interacting in a romantic way. While both Leo and Aquarius demand attention, Leo's demonstrations of love may be unnoticed by Aquarius as they seek attention for their genius more than their hearts. 

Your Jupiter/Taurus retrograde and his Jupiter/Sagittarius combination may make for some interesting times as Sagittarius love of adventure and travel may take them to places Jupiter/Taurus never dreamed of.  

Your Taurus retrograde in Jupiter has innate healing abilities they may not be aware of, and this may come in handy for the scrapes his Sagittarius/Jupiter may get them into!  It is all in fun though and Taurus retrograde will be up for the ride. Jupiter/Sagittarius is a lucky placement and this couple may find themselves lottery winners or recipients of a large inheritance. His Saturn/Pisces will pair well with her Saturn/Taurus in retrograde since they both feel the need to work hard and/or be in service for the good of others.  

There may be problems when either or both find themselves having a hard time saying no and over-extending themselves. While your Uranus/Aquarius in retrograde can be rebellious by nature, his Uranus/Capricorn's stick to tradition as Capricorn dictates but may rebel against parts of it.  A family business may be turned upside down for modern technology for example, or a traditional holiday spent on a cruise.  Either way, it should make for even more exciting adventures. Your Neptune in Aquarius retrograde should pair well with his Neptune/Capricorn as both will strive for the ideal and help to force change where change is needed.  This may take the form of a humanitarian cause or protests against abuse of some sort.  In any case, this pairing will try to make a mark on the world in a grand manner. 

This couple share Pluto in Sagittarius and may make for some off the wall adventures as they both long for adventure and freedom from the norm.  Freedom lovers, for themselves and for others, these two could change the world's way of thinking.  On a negative side, this couple could also be the modern Bonnie and Clyde looking for the next big adventure, leaving mayhem in their wake.

Your Lilith/Sagittarius is always on the roam for the next big adventure. Lilith/Sagittarius usually know who they are sexually and may have a hard time finding the one they consider their equal in sexual terms.  In this way they can be a little insensitive towards those who are not quite sure.  Taehyung’s Lilith/Cancer combination might make for a little drama in the bedroom as his emotions are deeply tied to his sexuality and he does not take sex lightly. Lilith/Sagittarius** can add spice to his otherwise safe sexual life and you will never feel unloved.

Your North node Leo and south node Aquarius may get too caught up with their friends’ and family’s problems and let their own take a back seat which can be problematic considering his north node Libra, south node Aries tends to be similar.  This couple needs to make sure to put themselves first, at least some of the time. 

Your Rising Capricorn makes you a born leader and even if you don't know it, are almost always seen that way.  Women rising Capricorns are usually (not always) petite, quick moving and known to be very competent and to "get things done".  Nothing will stop a determined Capricorn rising. They will reach the top on sheer will alone.  On the other hand, his Rising Sagittarius is on the road to adventure, travel, and new experiences.  If this is not reigned in by other aspects of their chart, they may tend to leave rising Capricorn behind in their quest for new horizons. Usually known for their well-formed (ahem..) bodies**, Sagittarius risings are fun-loving souls whose smile can light a room. 

Steady and practical with just enough in their charts to keep it spontaneous and exciting, this pairing is near perfect! 

Kristy’s thotty notes

A/n: Mars and Lilith are the sex signs, the ones that determine physical compatibility according to the zodiac, so I focused on them with one side note from his Sagittarius rising because it’s thotty and I love it

*Mars in Capricorn plus Lilith in Cancer for Taehyung means that he is almost assuredly someone who highly ties emotions to sexual encounters. I headcanon him as at least partially demisexual and this supports that theory. Sexually, this means the more stable your relationship is and the more he is in love with you the more fire your sex will be. Your Mars in Sagittarius is kind of the opposite - you could take or leave emotions with sex, and that might worry him. Taehyung isn’t normally a jealous or possessive person, but with your chart placements being in flirty and seductive signs like Libra and Leo, he might be a little wary that you will look elsewhere or he isn’t exciting enough for you, so this can cause some strife and salty behavior, IMO.

*Your Lilith in Sagittarius as compatible with his Lilith in Cancer:  You’ll tease him a lot sexually and he’ll fucking love it, and he’ll turn the tables on you if he’s feeling particularly in love or appreciated. You’ll temper his emotional outbursts with a fun loving nature in bed, he’ll need a lot of assurance that you won’t look elsewhere, which might cause problems in the beginning. Your sex life will suffer if your relationship is suffering or if he doesn’t feel loved and appreciated, you’ll go through a dry spell. Tae’s withholding sex because he feels like you take him for granted it’s that type of shit BUT if you reassure him and things are stable, the sex will be fire because he aims to please the more he feels comfortable with you the deeper things will get, and take that as you will. In conclusion, things aren’t boring but they can get stagnant if he feels unstable and unsure of your love. He wants to know he’s good enough for you and there isn’t someone better out there for you. He’s a sweet baby boy protect him okay?

****Sagittarius Rising

Usually known for their well-formed (ahem..) bodies**, Sagittarius risings:She means his dick, y’all, she’s saying he has a nice dick ALSO Sagittarius rules hips, so all these hip thrusts make a lot more sense to me now

**

A/n: This is a drabble that goes along with this chart as commissioned! Some explanation will go afterward as to how I based this drabble on the chart compatibility.

You and Taehyung alternate between talking all night and sitting comfortably in silence for hours, his hand on your knee or alternately, the back of your head against his chest while you’re reclined on the couch.

You don’t even have on background noise like television or music, usually, and you’re comforted by the sounds of his breathing, the brush of his lips against your ear when he speaks softly to you.

It feels like you’ve known him for ages, but something’s missing, a hole right through your stomach, and you can’t bring yourself to ask him if he feels it too.

It takes weeks of this, weeks of being best friends, him bringing you coffee in the mornings, texting you goodnight every night at exactly the same time, but then suddenly coming over at 3am after a concert, wired and wanting to talk to you for hours. He’s predictable in his unpredictability, anyway, and you find comfort in that, too.

Because you hope that one day that’ll manifest in him finally kissing you or asking you out, because you’ve been waiting and hoping since the day you met. Sometimes you feel like it’s close, he’ll smirk a lot more or be extra handsy after a glass of wine, sometimes he’ll make remarks about your clothes or your legs in a skirt, and you’ll think: finally, it’s happening.

Then the next day he comes to your house and barely touches you, just chats for a bit and watches a movie as if you were just old friends.

Reluctantly, after urging from friends and a persistent suitor at work, you decide to go out on a date, and you’re nervous about it while you’re at Taehyung’s for dinner, pushing your food around on the plate instead of eating.

“What’s wrong?” He’s frowning at you, leaned over the table, and you sigh.

“I’m just nervous about this date I’m going on tomorrow.”

He chokes on his food and clears his throat a few times before he speaks, and he won’t look at you.

“A date, huh?” 

He’s got his jaw set, almost looks angry, and you cock your head, feeling your heart race.

“Yeah,” you say, slowly. “A date.”

“So like...we aren’t exclusive?”

You feel like he’s punched you in the throat. Exclusive? What did that mean? You’ve literally never had a conversation about dating ever in the full month you’ve known him and spent almost every day with him.

“Tae, are we dating?”

“What do you mean, are we dating? Of course we’re dating?” He looks at you, head cocked like a confused puppy, hurt in his dark eyes.

You can’t help but chuckle. He looks so adorable.

“Taehyung, you know, traditionally, you are supposed to actually ask someone out before you start being exclusive, you know?”

He’s still frowning, almost pouting now. “I ask you out all the time, petal.” 

You inwardly swoon at that nickname, one he rarely used, usually only when he was teasing you or trying to talk you into something, and with that voice and those big dark eyes, he could probably talk you into walking off a cliff.

“Taehyung, honestly, so you don’t want me to go out on a date tomorrow?”

He grits his teeth. “Definitely not.” 

You want to squeal at his short bark, how he rejects that idea entirely.

“Tae, you want to date me? Like...date me date me?”

“Yes! Of course!” He throws up his hands in exasperation. “I didn’t know I needed to sign a contract or anything.” He’s grumbling now but you can’t stop smiling.

“Really?”

He stands up and walks over to you, leans down, takes your face in his hands while your heart is doing flips in your chest.

His eyes are soft when he looks into your eyes. “Can I kiss you?”

You sigh deep in your chest. “God, Tae, I thought you’d never ask.”

He smirks before he kisses you so soft and slow you think your heart might break.

***

Explanation for how this drabble relates to the chart

Taehyung’s Capricorn/Sagittarius Cusp sun makes him both predictable and unpredictable, so he’s really confusing reader in that he acts flirty sometimes and then backs off because he’s afraid to rush into anything. His Aries moon also makes him spontaneous, although his Capricorn sun and Mars will dampen that, so he’d really need a push to make a move.

The Capricorn Mars and Cancer Lilith together mean it will take him FOREVER to make a move because the Cancer is afraid of rejection and the Capricorn is afraid of making a wrong decision.

When reader is going out on a date, the possessive Aries moon jumps out and makes a move, FINALLY.

[tenthousandflowers]

Fat Shaming in Indonesia

One of the first criticisms I heard of Indonesians was that they very freely call people out for their appearances. Primarily, “they’re going to call you bule” (foreigner, white person, albino, the jury is still out and what this term actually means to people). Then, from other volunteers, “they throw around the word gemuk a lot, too” (fat). And that’s true. Many Indonesians call people out for their appearance.

Early on, when teaching personal characteristics with an Indonesian counterpart, the vocab she wanted to include in our lesson consisted of fat and skinny, but also phrases like “pointy nose” (using me as the example) and “slanted eyes” (using an ethnically Chinese student as an example). During class she’d pick two students to come to the front of the classroom and describe each other—encouraging students to describe their classmates as fat and black (the darker-skinned classmates were described as black, and I was described as white, but she didn’t seem to have a word for the rest of the class, including herself, who fell somewhere in between).

This class bothered me. I tried to interject and teach that “in America, it’s not polite to call someone fat” or tack on descriptions like “beautiful”, “talented”, and “smart” so that we complimented our fellow students rather than tossing out these loaded terms that caused me to cringe.

Then, when I moved to site, I realized my host mother was one of the largest Indonesian women I had met and because the topic has been on my mind, I cringed again when I thought of how many times she must be called fat by other people here. Sure enough, as people asked me who I lived with and I said “Mama Beth” they followed it up with “oh, the fat one”. I can breathe through it when people here call me a big fat bule, but it’s harder when I see my host mom or young students in my classrooms bearing the brunt of this.

I’m thinking about this issue in the back of my mind when Mama Beth directs my attention to a tire stall on the side of the road one day as we’re walking. “The man there is my cousin and he doesn’t have legs.” I kind of nodded and “...oh?” Then, following something that I interpreted as “do you want to meet him” but in actuality sounded like “do you want to see him”, we walked over to the man. Sure enough, he was working on a motorbike, legless. I shook his hand and asked how he was while I was trying to “act normal” because I wanted to intentionally approach him like any other Indonesian guy. He disregarded my question and immediately started asking me if they have legless people like him in America. “Of course,” I replied. Then he asked me about the possibility of sending him some American legs. The conversation ended after he asked if I was married and if I might marry him, to which Mama Beth laughed and so I took as a joke.

There’s a boy in my neighborhood who is eleven years old but has the body of a 5-year-old. Any time I am even close to this boy people will grab me to point him out: “he’s eleven years old!” “Yes, we’ve met,” I reply and shake the hand of a boy whose eleven-year-old eyes tell me he’s bored with this act. Poor kid, I think. Yeah, he’s different, but why is everyone so intent on pointing him out to me like they do the monkey named Nelson that my neighbor has chained to a tree in his front yard.

Another time, I went to visit the place my host father works, the city landfill. My host parents pointed out a group of 30 or 40 people on the other side of the landfill picking through trash among surrounding groups of cows, pigs and goats. “They collect the plastic they can sell,” my host father explained. “And they find uneaten food to eat,” Mama Beth added. And the few small houses just beyond them were where they lived. Then Mama suggested we move closer “to see them”. I quickly responded no thanks.

I thought of things I had read about “slum tours”—a new wave of voluntourism that encouraged people from more developed countries to group up with a local guide who would display “real poverty” for people to “oo” and “ahh” at and then leave with new revelations about their privilege. In fact, I just saw Trevor Noah’s stand-up in which he talks about coming to Bali and going on one of these “Authentic Balinese Experience” tours. He was also off-put by the idea. That’s twisted. No part of me wanted to go “observe their poverty” as my family seemed to suggest that I might be interested in doing.

These situations make me so uncomfortable—the most uncomfortable part being the fact that the Indonesians I’ve been around are fully comfortable pointing out people who are foreign, fat, disabled, impoverished or somehow outside the “norm” (whatever that might be). My instinct comes from even my earliest childhood memories in church singing about how we’re all God’s children. Or in elementary school when we’re taught about bullying and how bad kids are the ones who call kids names like “four-eyes” and “big nose”. And then middle school when, in North Carolina, I was taught about our state’s bloody origin and the many subsequent years of racial injustice that still linger to this day. The cap on this diversity education was my last few years in college, where I honed my skills at identifying my privilege and tried to educate myself on the injustices of our world.

A few months later and I’m living in Indonesia as a Peace Corps Volunteer. Through all these encounters calling out people for being different, the only person that really seems to be brewing on these encounters is me. I certainly do not think that Indonesians like being called out for their differences, but I’m wondering if maybe in teaching us to ignore differences like ability, class, size, and race as kids in the US, they’ve also taught us that there is some inherent shame in being different.

In the last college essay I wrote, I hypothesized (as others have done before me) that poverty in the US especially would not be poverty without the learned cultural shame that people attach to it. I don’t mean shame like “aren’t you ashamed”, I mean a deeper kind of unseen and unspoken shame. Shame that is implied when we mandate that people stand in line for months to fill out paperwork proving they are poor enough to deserve help. And the shame that distinguishes between normal women’s sizes and “plus sizes” as though they couldn’t both exist on one scale “women”. This is culture saying “it’s shameful to be poor” and “it’s shameful to be fat”. So we—I – would never call someone poor or fat to their face. And I would never grab one of them as an example to my friend—“look she’s different!”

But some Indonesians do. And I don’t think it’s because they’re hateful and ignorant people. It’s because they haven’t learned to attach shame to difference in the ways I have.

The obvious stand apart to this is race. It is hard for me to find a bar of body soap at the store that is not whitening soap. But I’m going to say they learned that shame centuries ago when the Dutch came to these islands as colonizers.

I’m not claiming we take back the words that hurt us. But I do think we acknowledge where their power comes from. And it’s not some self-confidence advice like “you chose to give words power”. This shame around difference has built up for so long, and culturally, I’m worried that we’re still teaching children the same things.

But what I’m really struggling with is wondering whether I too am teaching shame in the same colonizing way by giving power to classifications of difference when I step in front of my classroom and say “it’s not polite to call people fat”.

For more information on the fat debate, I recommend the This American Life podcast episode “Tell Me I’m Fat” inspired by Lindy West’s book Shrill.

[not-all-that-chic]

A Summer With You

Yoongi x Reader [Hybrid!AU]

“ Nearing my graduation, the stress of being alone when the time comes forces me to make a decision: befriending a hybrid. ”

trans. | I want this one to last forever.

genre | Angst, Fluff

wordcount | 10.8k

warnings | language, sexual themes, implied rape, abuse, character death

rec. track | ♫ ♩

The phone rang a few times. I chuckle at my friend; she never picks up. Finally, she answers and she breaths into the line.

"Did you run to the phone again?"

"Okay. Let me explain."

I laugh.

"So, I was jamming to my ringtone hella hard. Cause you know how Skyway is my favorite song."

"It is. Uh-huh."

"So then I realized, wait, that's my phone ringing! So I ran— but I picked up!"

"It's okay," I sigh into the phone. Typical of her. "I actually wanted to ask where you got Peanut from."

"My dog?"

"Yeah, your dog Peanut."

"It's on the Gangju and Huanghe intersection. It's a really nice pet store-"

And I wince.

"—Okay I know you hate pet stores, but I'm just saying that's where I got Peanut from. My dad came and bought him for me as a birthday gift."

"I wanted to go to a shelter to get a pet. Not a pet store."

"I totally understand that! But recently, with all the hybrids being thrown into shelters, full-blown animals are getting less frequent in shelters."

"That's horrible. Both the fact they're euthanizing innocent animals for space and the fact they have humanoids in animal shelters." I frown.

Ever since scientists discovered a way to cross humans and animals, hybrid pets have become the norm. And the problem with that is that although they don't have the intelligence of humans, they shouldn't be treated so horribly.

On top of that, over half of the hybrids are born with defects and live about as long as their animal counterparts. It's disgusting. I would go as far as to say that they shouldn't exist, for their own sake.

"I think you should get a pet. You've been stressed right?"

"Yeah. I'm close to graduating and I'm really panicking over my thesis."

"Maybe you should just get a boyfriend. Bet that would help."

I blush.

"Okayyyy. Bye." I hold the phone in front of my face.

"Bye~"

After hanging up, I look around my decorated and furnished apartment, but then realize despite its fullness, it feels empty. Maybe I should check out that pet store she talked about. With that in mind, I grab my keys, lock the door and go to my car.

As I drive to the store, I ponder. Who exactly gave scientists the bright idea to create hybrids? Humans and animals have evolved differently, so why combine them? The hybrids are entirely dependent on humans, like dogs or cats, but much more pricey and difficult to care for.

Not to mention how fetishized they are in the media or fiction. Why on Earth would someone want to have sex with a hybrid? It's just...unethical.

And that's not even the worst of it.

Before I know it, I've arrived at the store. The Flower Pot. A name much more fitting for a floral shop than a pet store.

I'm greeted at the entrance: "Welcome to the Flower Pot! Where friendship grows!" A boy with a boxy grin practically screams at me.

I suppose that's where they get the name. Not resisting my curiosity, I explore the well kept and cute store. The floors have a cute, sparkly confetti pattern and each section is labeled with a scripted, pink sign. It's cute. I find myself smiling at the fish tanks with soft pink sand beds.

I tap a glass with a bright yellow fish. It swims away, kicking up little bubbles. In another tank, there's a small, lime-green salamander.

"Need some help?" I jump at the voice. When I turn around, I'm greeted by a tall and kind looking boy. His name tag reads 'Jungkook'. He's smiling, looking like a bunny himself.

"Oh. I'm looking for a companion."

"Okay! Follow me then please!" He walks quickly and I'm almost left behind. I speed past a few cat cages until we reach the back of the store. There are at least ten glass containers lining the walls.

All of which holding hybrids. I nearly vomit. I feel sick just watching them. Jungkook motions me forward. One of the hybrids jumps forward, his cute, black kitty ears standing up.

"Hello! I'm Jimin!" Surprisingly, he talks! Why are such intelligent...creatures being held captive in enclosed spaces?!

"I'm sorry, Jungkook, but I'm not interested in a hybrid."

"What?" He asks, eyes wide. "Why not?"

"I don't think a hybrid should be enclosed in a space barely big enough to fit a dog. I also think it's wrong to have them as pets. It's inhumane." He smiles.

"I completely agree, but my friend told me something once. Uhhh," he pauses, trying to remember.

"Oh right! "If you take one and treat it how it should be, then that's one less hybrid being treated badly." Or something like that." He rubs his neck and chuckles.

That's an incredible point. If everyone were to take that initiative, maybe hybrids could begin to live well. Or at least better than they are currently.

"Jungkook!"

"Oh! Sorry. Taehyung is calling me. I'll be right back, okay, Miss?" He doesn't wait for me to respond as he runs to the front of the store.

As soon as I return my attention back to the wall, Jimin is smiling at me patiently.

"Your name is Jimin, right?"

"Yes. You're really pretty and smart. Can you please take me home?" His eyes are wide and sparkly. That's too cute. And really shocking. Something slams against the glass on the container to Jimin's left.

"No! Take me home! Please please please please please-" I walk in front of the container, and the dog hybrid's tail wags wildly. His face and smile instantly brighten.

"Hello. What's-"

"I'm Hoseok! It's so nice to meet you! You're so nice! And your hands look soft! Can I touch your hand please?!" His energy catches me by surprise, but I smile and reach a hand forward into one of the little holes in front of him.

The Golden Retriever hybrid eagerly shoves his head under my hand. I giggle at his reaction.

"Wow wow wow! I'm right! Please take me home! I hate being in this box! I wanna run around and lay down on your bed so you can pet me some more—PLEEEAASEEE?!"

The reality hits me once again. These hybrids are captive. They want to leave so badly. I step back and remove my hand. Hoseok whines, but eventually just sits down. They're probably used to being rejected.

On Hoseok's left is an empty box. Beside Jimin there is a sleeping dog hybrid of a larger breed. German Shepard by the looks of it. For the most part, the containers are empty. I assume it's because people have already adopted them. To a good home, I hope.

A furry tail at the very end catches my attention. I walk to it and notice this container is far away from the others. Inside, the hybrid flinches upon seeing me and backs deeper into the corner.

His build is significantly smaller than the others. He's as skinny as a stick. Now I see his tail is patchy and missing fur in some areas, where the skin looks more like a human's skin than an animal's skin. The ears are huge— almost as big as his head — and split at the tip. While the inside of the ears is furless and an angry red color. And his eyes are black and beady, to the point I can't see the pupil.

A mutated hybrid, no doubt. He looks frail and he knows it. I hold back my angry tears and kneel down, to appear less scary.

"Hi," I tell him my name and make my voice as small as possible. He watches me, silent and cautious.

"Hi," he responds. The smile on my face is warm and I'm sure he can feel it.

"What's your name?"

"...Yoongi."

"It's nice to meet you, Yoongi." His body relaxes and he uncurls his legs. The clothing on his body are clean, but they look old. And he doesn't have shoes on.

I scoot closer to him and reach my hand out. He quickly gets defensive, eyes wide, as his back tries to swallow the wall.

"I promise I won't hurt you, Yoongi." He blinks multiple times and furrows his brows.

Finally, he creeps forward, just enough for me to brush the tip of my fingers against his ears. They're the softest thing I've ever touched. He shivers and his eyes are wide in wonder. Despite his weird appearance and mutated genes, he's cute. Someone like Yoongi doesn't belong here. None of these hybrids do.

"Can I ask what you are?"

"...Chinchilla." My mouth gapes in shock. I've never heard of a Chinchilla hybrid. He notices my expression. "Is that...bad?"

"No!" He flinches at my pitch and I quickly apologize. "It's not bad at all. You're really special." His eyes take me in as if I'm the greatest thing to exist. I blush. He raises his hand toward the glass, but before he does—

—Yoongi backs away from my hand.

"Find any you want to adopt?" Jungkook comes running back, his Timberland's stomping with each step. Once I look back to Yoongi, he's back to his corner, as if nothing happened.

"I-"

"Yoongi? Did you like Yoongi?" The employee sounds like he's going to burst. I look back to Yoongi. His eyes have changed as we share eye contact.

"Yes."

"W-wow! That's great! Did you hear that Yoongi?! Someone's taking you home!"

"Why do you sound so excited?" His expression changes as he motions me away from Yoongi's cage.

He whispers, "Yoongi has been here for a very long time."

"How long?" Jungkook's sad smile tells me everything.

"Since he's a mutated and frail hybrid, no one has wanted to adopt him. He's very quiet, too."

It makes tears gather in my eyes. People are so cruel. Yoongi may have some defects, but he's never had contact with anyone outside of that cage. His shyness is a result of his lack of interaction. How could he possibly be at fault?!

"What about the other hybrids?"

"NamJoon is that sleeping hybrid-" he points to the dark-haired dog hybrid "-Is scheduled for an adoption tomorrow."

"How long has he been here?"

"About a month. It takes longer for hybrids to get adopted. As for Hobi and Jimin, they've been here for two weeks. But they're so friendly, they could be adopted any time soon."

Frowning, I look back to Yoongi, whose eyes haven't left mine. I don't understand animals— or even humans —much, but I can tell Yoongi doesn't want to be here anymore.

"Can I adopt him?"

"Yoongi? Of course! He's $1,000." My jaw drops at the price.

"What?"

"That's extremely cheap for a hybrid. Most average hybrids go for around $5,000. The rare ones anywhere from $10,000 and up."

"Is it because he's mutated?" Jungkook looks melancholic when he nods.

"He's also very old for a Chinchilla. After all, hybrids take the lifespans of the animal." Clenching my teeth, I grip my shirt angrily.

"I'm a college student. I can't afford that..."

"...It's okay. Don't feel bad. You can come to visit him anytime. Just... don't tell my boss I let you, okay? She would have my ass." After he finishes whispering, he goes over to Jimin's cage and pets the cat hybrid.

I sigh and stuff my hands in my pockets. I'm so sorry Yoongi. Checking the time, I realize it's time for me to go study. Giving Yoongi one last look, I wave.

He jumps— cute —and waves back.

"I'll be back, Yoongi. I promise."

My day consisted of boring lectures and an empty evening shift. Time seemed to have passed at a snail's pace. I— for some reason beyond my own consciousness —was anxious to see Yoongi again. Maybe I pitied him, for having lived so long in those glass containers. Alone. Never played with. And in his final years of life. I can't be certain the other hybrids were adopted into good families.

But something is better than nothing.

I grip the steering wheel tightly and sigh. Yoongi was not ugly. He was cheap. Maybe soft-spoken, but he is bound to make someone happy.

My feet tap on the wet concrete. The door jingles from the rusted bells above. The Flower Pot. Sad in its name, as if hiding the fact it kept hybrids. At the counter was Taehyung again.

"Oh! Welcome back! Are you here to see Yoongi?"

"Yes." His face softens.

"That's so nice of you. What's your name?" I tell him my name and smile.

"I'm Taehyung, but you could just read my name tag to find that out. Thanks for coming back. You're welcome here any time." Nodding, I stuff my keys into my pocket and walk to the back where the hybrids are.

Jimin is gone. Did someone adopt him? Hoseok greets me happily, letting out a bark-like sound.

"Oh oh oh oh! You're back! I'm so happy! Welcome back! Can you pet me?! Please? I missed you!" It's fascinating how animal-like hybrids are. But so much more intelligent.

"Sure, Hoseok." I pet his soft hair and his leg hits the wall.

"I'm okay! I do that by accident. Sorry."

"It's okay. And can I ask you something?"

"Of course, but please keep petting me!" He closes his eyes, his huge tail thumping against the wall and his leg shaking.

"What happened to Jimin?" His tail falters and his eyes open, reflecting something sad.

"He got adopted yesterday..."

"What's wrong?" I ask, sympathetic. Seeing this bright pup so upset squeezes something inside me. His ears flatten on his head.

"The man that adopted him kept pulling on his collar. And his d-daughter..." tears prickle his eyes.

"Shh, it's okay. You don't have to tell me anything." I gently run my fingers through his hair. He shakes his head and leans toward my hand.

"N-no. I can do it. His daughter, she was grabbing him."

"How so?"

"Grabbing his...pee pee." I feel bile in my throat.

"I'm sorry..."

"It's not your fault. Jimin... he was so sad. I don't want him to be used like a... sex doll." Before I know it, a tear trickles down my cheek.

"I wish I could have done something." Hoseok smiles up at me with hope.

"I know you would have. I can tell." Hoseok touches his chest. "You have a big heart."

Choking on a sob, I lean my head against the glass. Hoseok does the same.

"I wish it could be better. Hybrids are people too. You don't deserve this..." Hoseok starts making a strange rumbling noise. Not a purr, but like a soft growl. It's not comforting, but it's his effort that counts.

"Bonding with Hobi, huh?" I jump and turn around. Jungkook. Embarrassed, I stand up and look anywhere except him. "Hey! No need to be shy. Me and Tae talk to them, too."

"Oh. That's good of you guys."

"I'm really really happy you came back to see Yoongi. And Hobi, too, now since Jimin and NamJoon are gone." When I look back at the containers, only Hobi and Yoongi are left. The latter of which I hadn't noticed. But he's watching me, awe written all over his face, hands pressed against the glass.

It's as if he couldn't believe I would come back.

"I have a question."

"Shoot."

"Where do you guys find the hybrids?" Jungkook brings his finger to his chin in thought.

"I'm not sure. Only my boss knows that. But by the end of the month, these containers are occupied again. Well, except the hybrids that aren't adopted." Frowning, I think back to Yoongi.

"How long has Yoongi been here, exactly?"

"Sorry. Confidential. My boss tells me I can't tell the customers Yoongi's age." He rubs his neck with an awkward smile.

I shift my weight on my leg and cross my arms. This boss of his must be a horrible person.

"Why?"

"It makes him more appealing to buy, not that it has ever worked. When I tell you Yoongi has been here a long time, I mean a long time. You can't imagine." Tears prick at the corner of my eyes. There's no way no one has never shown interest in Yoongi. It's unfathomable. I look back at the hybrid who is sitting there fiddling with some hairs on his tail— cute.

"Sorry. I just-"

"It's okay. It's okay. I was like that, too, when I got hired." He sighs and turns around. "Listen, I gotta go restock the shelves. You have a good night."

"Thank you. You, too." When he leaves, I turn toward Yoongi. His eyes widen when I look at him. Smiling, I go to sit in front of his container. He curls into himself, making himself smaller.

"Hi, Yoongi."

"Hi..." I come closer to the glass and he looks down.

"How are you?"

He blinks, mouth opening and closing before giving me a simple, "Okay."

"Really? Tell me about your day?" He vigorously shakes his head and brushes his tail. "No? How about I'll tell you about mine, then you tell me about yours?" Yoongi considers it a while and eventually nods.

"I had a really boring day. I sat in a class all day and then my work was empty. There weren't any customers."

"Was it...big?" His question caught me off guard.

"The class?" He nods. "Yeah! It's like the size of five of this store."

His mouth opens wide, a cute sound of awe escaping. It makes me smile.

When I first met Yoongi, I thought he would be more aggressive, but he's so gentle and adorable.

"So what about you, Yoongi?" He jumps, probably still thinking about how big the class was.

"Me?"

"Yeah. Tell me about your day."

The hybrid looks down. Something unintelligible is said under his breath. If my ears don't deceive me, he just whispered, "It's not important..."

"Of course it's important. Your day was really important. I think it's important." He grips his tail again.

"I slept."

"What did you dream about?" Yoongi whips his head up toward me. His eyes blow out and suddenly he squirms. I see his Adam's apple bob as he places his hand on the glass. I put mine on the glass above his hand.

"Oh. Ah... I can't tell you."

"Why not?" I put my hands on my hips playfully. He leans against the glass.

"C-can you..." his words trail off shyly.

"Hm?"

He shifts around and quickly blurts, "Can you pet me like you pet Hoseok?" It takes me a moment to understand what he's asking, but when I do, I smile softly.

"Yoongi, you're really cute." And unexpectedly, he sputters in embarrassment.

"W-why?" Once I pet his head, he starts shaking.

"Because you're so sweet and well-mannered. And physically, you're cute." He leans into my hand further and finally, I can really feel the softness of his hair and ears. Chinchillas really are soft. His face is practically pressed against the glass. And his whole body seems to react to my touch. It's fascinating to watch him slowly warm up to me.

My watch ruins the moment as it beeps loudly. Yoongi jumps away with a small squeak— so darn cute —as I look down. I frown when I realize it's time for me to leave.

"Sorry, Yoongi. I have to leave." As I begin standing up, his hand reaches out of the hole to grab my sleeve. But I suppose it was a thing of the moment since he retracted it as soon as it came. Judging by his uncertain expression, I know what is worrying him.

"I promise I'll be back again tomorrow," I say as I rub behind his ears. This time a little smile appears on his face.

The next day when I return, it's a bit earlier in the day since I would be working late night. I skipped my free period to come and spend a while with Yoongi.

When I arrive, Jungkook is at the counter instead of Taehyung. He smiles and waves.

"Welcome! You're here at a different time today." Leaning against the counter, he places his head on his palms.

"Yeah. I work late today. I didn't want to miss seeing the hybrids though." Jungkook stands up straight.

"Oh! I think Tae is in the back with a customer. I think Hoseok might get adopted."

"Okay. Thanks, Jungkook." At what he said, I don't know if I should be happy or worried. Who knows who will adopt Hoseok.

When I reach the back of the store, there's a thin, gangly looking man in a pinstripe suit. His beard is patchy and his eyes are thin, bags underneath. Hoseok is outside of his cage, a leash around his neck. Once I get over his height, I notice the sad look in his eyes. His whole body seems to sag.

"-Here are the papers, sir." Taehyung hands the man a folder as the man frowns.

"Why this mutt got so many papers?" The man's Chicago accent is thick as he tugs on Hoseok's leash. The Golden Retriever hybrid flinches and comes down. I step forward more. Gosh, I want to stab this man.

"It's policy when adopting a hybrid to have all their information. They are part human." Taehyung's voice is tight, although his expression betrays nothing.

"Human? This mutt's about as smart as an acorn!" The man laughs.

"Actually, dog hybrids are among the smartest, especially a Golden Retriever like Hoseok-"

"This thing ain't good for nothing except sex and killing. That's why they were created, kid. Don't be giving me none of that pretty shit." Hoseok whimpers at his words. The man pulls on Hoseok's leash harshly, making the poor pup cough and bend over. Taehyung sighs and clenches his fist.

I see red and can't bear to watch a second longer. Stomping over to the man, he sees my approach.

"What you-" I sock him in the eye and hit his pressure point. He falls to the ground. Heaving, my lips pulled in a snarl, I bend over my knees. My anger made me breathless. How can this man be so stupid and heartless and just horrible to treat a kind hybrid like Hoseok like that?! Hybrids should have never been created, to avoid suffering like this. I can't recall a hybrid ever being treated well.

"Thank you," Taehyung tells me once I've calmed down. I'm shocked.

"What?"

Hoseok jumps me, whimpering and whining and tears staining my shirt.

"I would have done that myself, but my boss would have fired me. I hate people like that."

"Why are you and Jungkook working here if you know what goes on?" I ask, outraged. Hobi's buries his head into my shirt.

"I trust you, so I'll let you in on a secret."

"Okay?"

"We've actually been freeing hybrids secretly. You remember how I told you about NamJoon?" I nod. "Me and Jungkook and a few other friends have been combining money to buy the hybrids and release them to hybrid sanctuaries."

My mouth is agape. So is this store... is a front? No way. They can't afford to release every hybrid. And Hoseok was just about to get purchased.

"What about the hybrids that don't get freed?"

"Well..." he smiles sadly, regret swimming in his eyes. "We can't save them all."

"I see..."

"That's why I'm glad you knocked out that guy. Hoseok can stay longer and that buys us time." Upon hearing his name, Hoseok parts from me and asks me to take his leash off.

"What about Yoongi?" The words pour out like vomit: uncontrolled and with a bitter taste.

"The owner...keeps him." My mouth is agape in horror. I can't stop myself from dry heaving. Why is there something so horrible going on behind the scenes? Where does this person get the hybrids? Do they abuse the others?

"The only reason we told you the price is that we thought you might actually take him. People don't even glance his way anymo-"

"What does your boss do with him?!" Taehyung shushes me to keep my voice down.

"I don't know. But I've stayed overnight a few times. I can hear things." I can't believe my friend bought a dog from this store. It makes my stomach lurch at the thought.

“What kind of things?”

“...Moaning-” Taehyung winces as soon as he says it. I cover my mouth in shock and disgust. “Sorry.”

“No, it’s fine. That’s so horrible.”

"Every time I see Yoongi in that thing pressed against that corner, I feel so sorry. I feel sorry for his existence." Hoseok notices my distress and envelops me in a hug, rocking me back and forth.

"I won't stop visiting. I'll save up money. I want to take Yoongi away from here," I tell Taehyung with determination.

"Please do. I'm sure Yoongi would be so happy to hear that." Hoseok yawns and Taehyung chuckles.

"Wanna know something? He stares at the door every time that bell jingles. Yoongi."

"Really? I'm glad he's so fond of me." I grin and go to sit in front of Yoongi's cage. He comes up to me quickly and leans his head on the glass. Taehyung tells Hoseok to get back into his container and the hybrid falls asleep as soon as his head hits the blanket. He leaves Yoongi and me alone.

"Yoongi." He smiles. Just smiles. Can hearing his name make him that happy?

"Hi." He sounds less shy today. "You know what I dreamt about?" It visibly shocks me to hear him initiating the conversation.

"Sorry, sir. You probably were drunk."

"Damn. Can't remember anything."

"Shall I escort you to the door?"

"Yeah whatever."

"What did you dream about?"

"...You." His face is buried deep into his hands and I find myself blushing. That was...cute. For lack of better words.

"What about me?" I press him. He shakes his head, shy again. It probably already took so much for him to say that. "What if I say please?"

"Maybe..."

"Fine. Yoongi, will you please tell me what your dream about me was about?" Reaching toward his ears, I pet the soft, but slightly mangled appendages. Despite his mutations— no, because of his mutations —I find him so beautiful.

"I dreamt that I was holding your hand..." It makes my heart feel so weak. My whole body is warm and happy at hearing it.

"Do you want to hold my hand?" He looks back at me as his beady eyes search mine.

"...Can I?" His question is so innocent.

"Of course!" I stop petting him and hold my hand out. And for a while, Yoongi stares at it, as if he has never seen a hand before. As if my hand is sculpted by God himself. For Yoongi, it might just be that way.

Finally, his fingers brush mine and I feel my whole body alight. It was strange. His hand awkwardly wraps around mine. I laugh. He looks at me in confusion, eyebrows furrowed.

"Did I...do it right?"

"Mm. Sort of. Like this-" I interlace my fingers with his, feeling his digits slide with mine perfectly. His hands are warm and sweaty, a product of his high body temperature and nervousness.

He looks at our hands and moves them around, awestruck. Smiling, I come closer to be more comfortable. Yoongi closes his eyes and pets his tail with his free hand. A soft smile forms on his lips.

"I like it."

"Me, too." We sit in silence as he eventually leans against the glass. This makes me so happy. I've had so many friends, boyfriends, pets and yet none make me feel quite like this. So utterly complete. I want to know Yoongi more, but for now, this is enough.

"Thank you." Laughing, I watch the smile on his face transform into a gum-filled grin. He looks content.

"For what?"

"Coming to see me." I lean against the glass and he does the same.

A whole week passes. My semester finals had me staying up night after night and I didn't even have time in the day to eat. Day in and day out: studying. But I couldn't contain my joy— and guilt for not being able to see the hybrids —once I heard those familiar rusty bells jingle.

"Woah. You look worse for wear." Languidly, I turn to Taehyung at the counter.

"Thanks. Finals have not been gentle on me."

"I'm sure seeing Yoongi and Hoseok will brighten you up. I heard that animals and hybrids can reduce stress."

I yawn and send him a lazy thumbs up. He laughs.

"He missed you!" He yells at me once I'm past the entrance. It puts a smile on my face. I missed Yoongi, too. How has he been without me here to talk to him? Despite the guilt, I couldn't put aside my health and future for Yoongi. But now I was wholeheartedly his.

"Hi hi hi hi!" Something big and warm tackles me. And licks my neck? I wiggle in discomfort at being attacked. The person latched onto me eventually removes himself. I'm greeted by a beautiful heart-shaped smile.

"Hey, Hoseok," I say as I pinch his cheek. The hybrid gets off quickly and runs around excitedly.

"Oh boy! We should play! Let's play!" He runs somewhere in the store, effectively leaving my sight. My eyes drift and I see Yoongi on the floor, legs criss-cross and with a bowl of soup on his lap. When we lock eyes, he jumps and looks away.

Was he...mad at me?

I finally hear Jungkook chuckle. He was probably hearing the commotion.

"Nice to see you back. You came at a good time."

"Yeah. I was about to ask."

"For about thirty minutes three times a day, we take the hybrids out to eat and play-"

"Kookie, can I please use this ball?!" Hoseok rams into Jungkook. The employee laughs but shakes his head.

"Sorry, Hobi. You know I can't let you play with merchandise." And even as Hoseok whines, Jungkook stays strong. The Golden Retriever pouts and sits down to chow down on his food, making a huge mess. I laugh.

"How have they been?"

"Hoseok missed you a little, but fine. Yoongi, though, he asked for you every day."

"Be quiet!" Said boy protests, his cheeks big and lips pressed into a pout.

I walk over to him and grab his empty hand. He gasps and looks our hands.

"Sorry I didn't visit. I was really busy. I missed you, too."

His face softens and he smiles, but he decides to be stubborn as he looks away from me.

"Prove it."

"I will." With that, I gently bring him into my arms and press his head to my shoulder, treating him like fragile glass. He tenses up and I see his fists clench. I shush him to make him calm down.

His body feels warm and soft like a blanket. I pet his head and play with the hair around his neck.

He squeaks. I giggle. Eventually, he returns the hug and nuzzles into my shoulder, shaking and squeaking. We relax as I hum softly near his ear.

"Wow. I knew Chinchillas could squeak and shake, but I've never seen Yoongi do it. He wayyyy likes you," Jungkook explains as he begins picking up the food dishes.

Yoongi— for such a small hybrid —is still strong, since his iron grip doesn't want to let go.

"Come on, Yoongi. It's time for you to get back in your container-" I hear something gets knocked over. "-You, too, Hoseok!"

"Nooooo. I'm not tired yet!" Hoseok jumps up and down like a spoiled kid.

Patting Yoongi's back, he finally let's go. We both stand up. Yoongi looks so small and frail curled inside his cage, but he's still taller than me.

Jungkook unlocks the boys' containers and he practically forces Hoseok inside. Before going to crawl into his container, Yoongi turns around and smiles at me. He places on my head.

"You're small."

.

.

.

Was that him playing around with me? For some reason, it sends a flutter in my stomach and straight to my soul.

"You're not that tall, either!" Yoongi grins and hugs me again, placing his chin on my head.

He let's go and says, "It's okay. I like it." For once, it's me blushing furiously and not him. Crawling into his own, Jungkook comes to lock it, but Yoongi puts his hand up to stop him. Reaching his hand out to me, I interlace my fingers with his.

"Come back. Please." And as commanding as it sounds, it's accompanied by a shy smile and a Yoongi blush.

"Of course. I really promise to come every day from now on, okay?"

"Okay." He sits against the wall as Jungkook finally locks him up.

His gummy smile is on his face again, I send him my own. Shyly, he asks, "...Pinky promise?"

Giggling, I reach through the hole and interlace my pinky with his.

And at that moment, I made a decision. I would save up and buy Yoongi. Somehow I would save up those $1,000.

"Anatomy is canceled for the day. You're all about to graduate. Enjoy some freedom. I have to go somewhere." The whole auditorium erupts in cheers. People quickly disperse and those that don't, talk to their friends.

"Hey," my friend grabs my attention. "Let's get outta here?"

"Alright." We grab our bags and walk down the steps and out of the door. The hallways are mostly vacant. "Actually, I wanted to talk to you about the pet shop."

"Oh yeah! I've been so busy I forgot to ask."

I rub my forehead. How typical of her. Jennie is either ditsy or cold, there is no in between.

"I actually didn't adopt anything."

"What? Why not?"

"To be honest, the moment I got there, this guy led me to the hybrid cages." When I finish saying this, Jennie looks sad.

We make it outside to the park near the labs.

"Hybrids are so cool and cute, but have you heard the news?" We settle down on a bench.

"What?"

"Since hybrid anatomy is so close to humans, they've been experimenting on them. And the government for some reason is totally okay with it."

"It's sad, but at this point, what can we do." I shake my head.

"Sorry for interrupting. What were you saying?"

I cross my arms and start, "When I went, I saw a mutated hybrid. He's been there for so long that the employees don't even want to tell me."

"Aww. Poor guy."

"Yeah. I was really considering buying him, but even with all those issues he's still $1,000." Jennie frowns and leans her head on my shoulder.

"Hybrids shouldn't be bought and sold. That's so...wrong!" Nodding, I sigh.

"About a week ago, I've started taking extra shifts. I want to get him out of there."

"Seriously?!" Jennie gets off my shoulder and watches me. I lock eyes with her and furrow my brows. "Holy shit! You're serious!"

"Yes," I whisper, as I smile at the thought of the hybrid I met a month ago. He's really so sweet, although he has some sassy moments. And of course, he's always so excited to see me. Yoongi is also handsome, a great bonus. I've grown to care for him beyond an owner and pet— not that it was ever like that anyway.

"Hey. What's with that face?" Jennie pokes my side with a dumb grin. "You looooveee him?"

"...I actually haven't thought about that. Maybe."

"Wait what?! I was joking! But if you do, then go for it. Hybrid and human relationships are..."

"Well, I hope in the future, it will be accepted." Jennie goes back to her side.

Silence passes over us.

If I can adopt Yoongi, will I be able to support both of us? What does he eat? How does he sleep? Bathe? What does he like? Can he work?

Is he interested in me how I'm interested in him?

"What's his name? And what is he? Like, hybrid."

"Yoongi. And he's Chinchilla." She squeals in my ear when she hears that.

"Cute! And soft. But don't they live for like five years?"

The one thing I didn't want to think about. The thing I keep pushing to the back of my mind. If Yoongi is old and Chinchillas only live for ten years, then how long would I have with him? Even if he was young, ten years is nothing for a human. A distressed expression appears on my face.

"Sorry for asking about it. It's probably not something you want to think about."

"Don't worry about it. I already knew; I was just in denial."

"Hey! Don't look so glum! Enjoy Yoongi a lot and don't worry too much, okay?"

"Alright, Jennie. I will," I say to pacify her as I force a smile to my lips.

But now, I can't help worrying.

Jingle. The bells sound really loud. When I look up, they're not rusty. I guess they bought some new ones.

"Good morning! You're here bright and early! I think Yoongi's eating breakfast," Taehyung tells me. I smile and go up to the counter.

"I actually am saving up to buy him. I'm really close!"

"O-oh really?" Taehyung is shocked and his expression morphs into melancholy and some shade of regret. But I brush it off.

"Yeah. I can't wait. I think next week is my big bonus."

"That's...good. The new hybrids are also coming next week. That container of his will be for another hybrid..."

Grinning, I chirp, "Yep! See you, Tae!" I quickly walk to the back.

I've been meaning to ask Yoongi his age, but Jungkook or Taehyung have been present and I know they won't let him answer. I'm hoping that today, Jungkook will be busy.

To my surprise, Jungkook is cleaning out Hoseok's container. It makes me explode in joy.

"Did you guys buy Hoseok?" Jungkook jumps and hits his head on the top of the container.

"Ouch."

"Oh. Sorry, Kook!" I walk over and rub his head.

"No worries," he waves me off as he leaves the container. "And actually, Hoseok got adopted by a really nice guy. I think his name was Jackson. He was about as energetic as Hoseok. I'm sure he's in a good place."

Jungkook locks the container.

"Wow... That's amazing. I'm so happy."

"We are, too. This month was pretty good with the exception of Jimin. Poor guy." We stand in silence for a bit as if sending Jimin our prayers.

"It's okay. You guys are doing great."

"Thanks. I'm glad you're here to keep them company. We can't be here all day. We have other animals to take care of and other things to do— Speaking of which-" He starts gathering his rag and broom. "I have to clean up!"

"Huh?"

"The inspectors are coming tomorrow and this place has to be spotless!" Jungkook runs off.

I send my thanks to the heavens.

"Hey. I'm here, too." The sarcastic remark reminds me of Yoongi's presence.

"Hey, Yoongi!" I sit beside his container later that week.

"Hello." He smiles and scoots forward. Yoongi pokes his hand outside of his enclosure and interlaces our hands. My blush appears.

I cough awkwardly.

"Um, I hope this isn't a strange question, but how old are you?" Yoongi tilts his head and looks around, trying to remember.

"I think...ten years old." My stomach drops.

"W-what? Are you sure?" I can feel myself shaking.

He doesn't have very long...

"Yes. I remember celebrating my birthdays. They put those number candles. In March I turned ten."

My grip on his hand tightens. I look down to avoid his eyes.

"And...h-how long have you been here?"

"Ten years." Tears stream down my cheeks.

"I-I'm so so sorry, Yoongi!" The sobs I've been holding in can't be controlled anymore. I cough as my throat feels like there's a golf ball lodged inside.

Why has he been suffering for so long? Having to watch hybrids adopted right next to him every day, watching and progressively losing his own hope of being taken home. The owner of this shop does God knows what to him when the store closes. How much has he gone through? And for this to have been the short, miserable existence he has had.

He'll die having experienced nothing that makes him happy.

Instead of telling me it would be okay, he places his hand on my head and pets me. I look up, surely a mess.

"You pet me like this when we first met. It made me feel better." He runs his fingers through my hair and hums. I sob harder and lean against the glass.

"Y-Yoon-gi."

"Don't cry. I like you happy."

My sobs reduce to hiccups and I stop crying. It does work, shockingly. When I look up, Yoongi looks drowsy.

"Better?" He yawns. "I'm tired. If I sleep and you're still here, wake me up."

His eyes slowly drift closed as he slows his petting.

I can't help wondering: Is he actually tired, or...is this something else?

Tomorrow is my bonus paycheck. I can adopt Yoongi and at least give him the best I can in the limited time he has. I can't wait. Practically running into the store, I yell a quick, "Hi, Taehyung!" and run to the back. Jungkook is on his phone waiting for Yoongi to finish his food.

Yoongi hears me approach and his scraggly Chinchilla ears perk up. He grins his typical, gum-filled grin. I see a few pieces of stray food between his teeth— the poor baby was probably starving —, but instead of being disgusted, I feel even more endeared.

"Hey, guys!" Jungkook looks up and jumps out of his chair.

"Great! You're here! Watch Yoongi, okay? I really gotta poo!" Scrunching my nose, I look Jungkook up and down with feigned disgust.

"Eww. Didn't need to know that, Kook."

"Yeah yeah. Okay, Mom," he sighs with an eye roll. He leaves us alone.

I grab his chair and come closer to Yoongi.

"Hewwo," he says through a mouthful of spinach. It's so cute that he loves spinach so much.

"Hey, Yoongi. I actually wanted to talk to you about my plans for tomorrow." He nods, accidentally dropping a piece of food, pouting. Gosh, he's so cute it melts my heart and insides.

"I've saved up enough money to adopt you. So I get a direct deposit tomorrow and with all the money I can come and take you home! I've been thinking about it for a long time and I've always wanted to adopt you. How does that-"

Yoongi crushes me into his body. He's shaking and his fingers clench the back of my shirt as if I'll leave him. His knees buckle and we end up on the floor. I can hear and feel his near hummingbird speed heart rate. And by God, is his breathing hard.

"T-thank you! Thank you so much!" When I hear his voice straining and the first tear touches my thin t-shirt, I near cry, too.

"Whatever for? I've always wanted to adopt you. I'm sorry I didn't do it sooner." He shakes his head.

"For showing me that not all humans are bad."

"Yoongi, you don't have to thank me fo-"

"I want to. You're my favorite person."

A burning chill runs up my back, arms, head— my whole body. I can't believe my ears.

"What?" He removes himself and searches my eyes, his own red and sparkling with tears.

"Can I say that?" Blushing, I take him in. I'm happy I could give him this simple, but rare joy.

"Of course. You're my favorite person, too." Yoongi's eyes widen, but he grins. Then, he blushes, hesitant.

Evidently, he catches me off guard when he presses his lips against mine.

I melt all over again. Of course, I press against him. He wraps his arms around my shoulders and I watch his eyes flutter shut. My own follow. Bunching up the fabric at his chest with my hands, I smile into the kiss. It doesn't last very long, but it's so soft and so full of love that it's better than any kiss I've had in the past. It has meaning.

He leans his forehead against mine.

"Did you like it?"

"Yeah. I did." He grins looking a bit more confident.

"Can I do it again?" Not a second elapses before he presses his lips to mine again.

This time, he's taken the experience from the first time and kisses me with more force. His lips move and dance with mine. I sigh, feeling content just like this. Something pokes my bottom lip, and I blush, realizing it's his tongue. Yoongi's chest is heaving against mine and he forces himself against me, pressing his body impossibly close.

"Woah! Didn't expect this after doing my business!"

We push away from each other upon hearing Jungkook's voice. I recover quickly, but Yoongi is red like a tomato and furiously picking at some skin patch on his tail. He looks like a kindergartener who got caught with his hand in the cookie jar. Cute.

Everything he does is so cute, who am I kidding.

"Wow. You weren't joking. All in cash, too!"

I woke up early the next morning— well I actually stayed awake until my deposit came in at midnight —to come to adopt Yoongi. None of my classes were this early, so I wanted to bring Yoongi home to help him get acquainted with my home. He just woke up and was rather confused why Jungkook woke him up so early.

But as soon as he saw me, he came and leaned his head on mine and wrapped his arms around my waist.

"All in cash, too, sir!" Taehyung laughs at my response.

"Alright, well, everything is all set. I'm happy you finally could take Yoongi home..." his voice drifts off as he glances over to hybrid. I notice this.

"Tae?"

"Actually, could I talk to you outside?" Nodding, I follow, but then adds, "Without Yoongi." Yoongi shrugs and tiredly leans against the counter.

The bell jingles.

The door shuts.

We walk a little away from the store.

Taehyung runs a hand through his hair and sighs. "Yesterday when you told me you were going to adopt Yoongi, I was so nervous." He hesitates.

I urge him to continue.

"Yoongi is ten years old. And Chinchillas don't live long. I think you've already noticed how tired he is recently."

Something heavy drops in the pit of my stomach. This again. Frowning, I look at Yoongi inside. He's almost asleep again, just leaning against that counter.

"As an employee, it's my obligation to tell you this."

"Okay, Tae. Please- just- just go on."

"He's going to die soon."

I swallow. Hard.

I've been avoiding that word. To put that word and Yoongi in the same sentence together, it's making me distraught.

"...I know. I still want to adopt him."

"I'm happy his last... months, weeks, days— who knows, are with you. He's been happier than ever-"

"It's nothing. He deserves better. Even much better than what I could give him." Taehyung nods and smiles, placing a hand on my shoulder. He can tell I don't want to discuss it anymore.

"Oh!" He reaches into his pocket for his phone. "Tell me your number. I'll text you mine and Jungkook's numbers. We are like this-" He crosses his index and middle finger. "-Now."

I giggle and roll my eyes. "Sure. I'll come by a few times. Maybe we can hang out like actual, normal friends."

"Eh. Maybe don't count on that. Anyway!" He pushes me back into the store, the jingling bells waking up Yoongi. "Take care of Yoongi! He's fragile!" Said hybrid rolls his eyes and follows me out of the store.

"Bye, Tae! Tell Jungkook I said hi and bye!"

We walk to the parking lot and Yoongi takes in everything with wide eyes. He touches my car and presses his face against the glass. I laugh.

"Get in, Yoongi!"

He looks overwhelmed, eventually asking, "You can go inside?" It makes me slightly sad, remembering how he's never gone anywhere except inside that store.

"Yes. Just pull on that handle." Once he sits inside, he finds more shocking revelations.

"There's so many buttons..."

"Don't touch them, okay? I don't want anything to happen." He obeys as I lean across the dash to buckle him in. Yoongi presses a kiss to my cheek. Sputtering and fighting a blush, I return to my seat to find a smirking hybrid.

"Okay. What kind of music do you like?"

"I can choose?"

"Of course!"

"Hip-hop."

"Oooooh. So cool, Yoongi." He nods and crosses his arms, feigning coolness.

But as soon as the car actually goes on the road, he's pressed to the window. He points at places through his window, in awe. All of which I promise to take him. By the end of the trip, my smile almost hurts, having never left.

Once we get home, Yoongi is so happily talking his head off about hip-hop that I don't dare to interrupt. Not that I want to; he's so cute when he's passionate. Plus, he never talks this much. I shove my key inside.

"Welcome home!" Yoongi cautiously steps inside. He slowly sits on the couch.

He looks up at me like a kid on Christmas. I've never seen Yoongi so happy.

"Like it?"

"Do you live here?"

"Huh? Well, yes," I respond, perplexed by his question. He yawns and lies down on the couch.

"Then I like it."

His simple words make my heart pump and toes tingle. The little smile on his lips as he rests on my couch has me like putty in his presence. Although his sudden tiredness worries me, I ignore it; he has had an eventful morning after all.

I check my phone for the time. He could nap for an hour before I had to go to class.

Tomorrow was the weekend. As I check the weather, I realize it would be absolutely perfect to go to the beach. Maybe Yoongi could use some sunlight. I laugh to myself.

I giggle at Yoongi's struggling to put the t-shirt on, his cute, pale belly wiggling. He eventually gets it on, a perfect fit.

"Sorry if it's old. It's one of my sleeping shirts. It was the only thing I could find that would fit you."

He brings it up to his nose and inhales deeply. Then, he shakes his head and smiles.

"It's fine. I like how it smells like you."

Damn. I clench the fabric around my chest dramatically.

"So-! Cute-!" He grabs my keys and hands them to me. By the awkward body language, I can tell I've embarrassed him.

I give him a once over and can't help the smile on my face. His cute little board shorts. It takes a lot of willpower to forego the trip and just cuddle him on the couch.

"Let's go."

Despite how many times I had to tell Yoongi to keep his seatbelt on, the trip was fun and quiet. Also, the fact Yoongi wanted to hold my��hand made driving more difficult.

The beach is empty, probably since it's so early in the morning. Yoongi pulls on my bag.

Brows furrowing, he tells me, "Let me hold your bag."

"Why?"

"Taehyung used to put on movies for us to watch. Isn't it romantic for the boy to take the bag?" I look around, mentally looking for a spot to settle down before turning my attention back to him.

"Okay. Thank you, Yoongi." The bag slips from my fingers, but he does something unexpected.

He switches the bag to his other hand and holds my hand. We both blush furiously, but Yoongi can't seem to look me in the eye, so he looks away. Being careful of the dry seaweed, I lead him over to an empty spot.

"Sit here while I set up the umbrella." I remove my towel. Then I kneel down and prepare everything for us.

"You..."

"Me?"

"You look beautiful."

When I turn to Yoongi, he seems sincere.

"Poetic aren't you? Oh! Yoongi! We should build a sandcastle!" Upon finishing, I noticed the bucket and shovel.

"What is that?"

"I'll show you." The hybrid comes beside me, ears twitching with curiosity.

"Help me put sand in this bucket."

We work together until I carefully place the bucket upside down. When I remove it, the sand stays. Yoongi is in awe.

"I'm not done yet," I say as I begin drawing little decorations. Then I make a door. He gets the idea and carefully uses his fingers to carve little divots and ornate designs.

"Me and mom used to build sandcastles all the time when I was little." He smiles.

"What is she like?"

"Really nice. And she never gets mad at me. She's really smart, too. She is pretty even now. She's like an angel."

"You are just like her then. An angel." Our fingers touch and I look up at him. Next to me, Yoongi has a tender look in his eyes. He leans forward, planting a kiss on my temple.

My hand gets engulfed in sand and Yoongi flinches.

"Sorry. I ruined it."

"It's okay. Sandcastles are really great, but they're bound to go down."

"Oh," he whispers. And for some reason, he starts building it again.

"Do you want to do something else?" He numbly shakes his head.

"I want to build it again. I want this one to last forever," he explains, then turns to me. "It's the first one I made with you. It's more special."

Blinking, taken aback, I nod and help him.

Standing up once we finish, I grab his hand and help him up, but he nearly falls over. I panic and bring him close to support him.

"Yoongi?"

"It's okay." His eyes glaze over and I only now notice how weak and out of it he seems. Like a newborn dear, taking clumsy steps. He takes a few breaths and eventually rights himself.

He's weak. He's old. He's going to-

I stop the thought as I blurt, "Want to go get some ice cream?"

"What is ice cream?"

"It's difficult to explain, it's better to just try it." I grab my bag— which he takes out my hand in order to hold my hand —and very nearly drag him to an ice cream stand.

The man at the stand regards us with a fond grin.

"Pretty girlfriend." Yoongi blushes and I sneakily squeeze his hand.

"Thank you..."

"What can I get you?"

"One scoop of sea salt vanilla for him and a strawberry for me." Yoongi mentally notes what I said. I'm too scared to get him any other flavor for fear of his stomach not being able to digest it.

"Here you are! Three ninety-five."

Once I pay and we get seated on a bench, I eagerly start eating the dessert. But Yoongi, on the other hand, stares at it like it's an alien.

"Lick it." He observes how I do it before giving a cute, kitten-lick. His expression lights up, now devouring it like he won't ever eat again.

"Wow. I take it you like it?" He looks up from his treat, mouth stained with ice cream. Laughing, I grab a napkin and wipe his mouth.

He nods and struggles to say, "Gants." I laugh at his poor thank you.

After we both finish and our bellies are full of ice cream, I lean my head on Yoongi's shoulder. He follows and leans on mine, exhaling deeply. I can hear him yawn above me.

"I'm glad we could spend time like this, Yoongi. I really like you and I'm so thankful to have met you."

"Me, too..." His voice is quiet, and his body seems to sag. Maybe we can go home and relax after this.

Yoongi suddenly touches his chest. And he shakes. He takes a deep breath and doesn't breathe for a while.

"Hey, weirdo, what are you doing?" When he exhales, his heart starts pounding loudly. Yoongi sighs and grabs my hand, squeezing it.

"Nothing. I'm okay. It's nothing." Despite how strange it sounds, I ignore it.

"Can we come again tonight?"

"Tonight?" I look up at him, and he looks down at me with a pained expression.

"Yes. Please."

"Are you okay?"

"Yes. I'm okay. I just really want to come again." Nodding, I oblige to his wishes, but I can't help but worry about his odd behavior.

Just as I promised, when we finish eating dinner, I take him back down to the coast. I don't quite understand why he wants to come. As far as I can tell, he looks more ready for a long nap. But I still humor him and bring him down to the same spot.

The sandcastle was still halfway up, although the wind has definitely eroded it. Yoongi practically plops onto the ground. I don't bother setting up an umbrella and just get out a soft blanket and some cushions. After we get comfortable, Yoongi uses my lap as a pillow.

He takes a deep, shaky breath and touches his chest.

"What do you want to do?"

"Nothing. I just want to sit with you here a while."

"Oh," I mumble. For a while, I just run my fingers through his hair and watching his peaceful face. He looks like he's about to sleep.

"Are you tired, Yoongi?" When his eyes open, there are some unshed tears. My heart clenches, worried as to why he is so upset.

"I...yes."

"Why are you crying?"

"I am?" He wipes his eyes and forces a smile on his face, but I can't tell it's fake.

"You can tell me what's wrong."

"I'm sorry." Now confused, I watch as he grabs my hand and lays a kiss on the palm.

"Why?"

"Because... You've given me everything and I left you with nothing."

Frowning, I insist, "That's not true. You've given me a lot. Plus, I don't need material things. You're very precious to me. You've become the most person in my life."

He flinches hard when he hears that.

"Don't let me be that. It makes me feel so sad."

"Yoongi, you've been acting so strange today. As soon as we got home, you went to sleep. Then, when I asked you if you wanted to watch a movie, you told me you were too tired." Yoongi rolls over toward me and hugs my midriff.

I feel his tears on my shirt.

"I'm sorry."

"Yoongi. It's okay." I push him back so I can face him, and his eyes are swimming with a lot of things I can't place.

"Oh, Yoongi..." He clutches his chest.

Yoongi closes his eyes and breathes a few times. We sit there for a few minutes. I pet his head. The waves crash especially hard and our little sandcastle finally falls over. I smile at the memory from this morning. Yoongi was so happy to just be with me.

"Sorry. I have some thoughts really eating at me right now."

"It's okay. But never hesitate to tell me okay?" And for seemingly forever, Yoongi stares at me.

Then blurts, "I love you. I wanted to say it before I regret not saying it."

My heart beats out of my chest and if a human body could smile, every cell in my body would be smiling.

"I love you, too." He smiles his gummy smile. Again, he touches his chest. Closing his eyes, he grabs my hand again and squeezes it close to him.

"I'm going to...take a nap, okay?"

"Sure. We can go home after."

"...Yeah. And... Thank you so much for everything. My last— Uh. I'm glad you could take care of me for..."

He can't finish his sentence, as if something is holding him back. A little tear slips down the corner of his eye, but I don't catch it.

"I was in that place for so long. My entire life. Thank you for showing me love and happiness."

"Of course."

"And. I love you. A lot."

"Me, too."

"Can you say it? Please?" His voice cracks.

"I love you."

He smiles, still with an iron hold on my hand. His chest slows down. I can hear his heartbeat slowing, too. Such a calm, gentle thing. The waves crashing are the opposite. I didn't think I would get so attached to someone so fast like I did with Yoongi.

Sighing, I look down at him and squeeze his hand.

And I notice how oddly cold he is.

"Should have asked for a blanket, dummy." I drape it over him.

And then I notice that his chest isn't moving.

I furrow my eyebrows.

And then I realize I can't hear his heartbeat.

I gulp.

"Yoongi?" Lightly, I shake him.

He's as still as a rock.

Oh no no no no. Not now.

"Yoongi? This better be a joke!" I choke. Shaking him more vigorously, I start heaving.

Why now? Why?

I lean against his chest and can't hear or feel anything.

"Yoongi! Stop it right now!" My voice cracks. Before I know it I'm sobbing. I place my finger under his nose: no breath. His face is cold. I lean against his chest again, hoping for something.

The only thing I hear is my own heart.

"Why didn't you tell me?!" I grip his shirt, throat tightening, and stomach twisting. "I didn't know it would be so soon!" The tears running down my face are relentless.

How could he look so content and happy while my whole world is crumbling?! Why does time keep going, when I feel like it just stopped?!

"I'm so-so sorry. A month wasn't e-nough!"

He spent ten years of his life suffering and alone. It's not fair. Not fair for him or for me.

"I'm- I'm sorry I didn't do- do enough for you!" I hiccup. "You do-n't deserve th-this!" Bringing him toward me, I bury my face into his shoulder and squeeze him to me.

My tears reverberate:

Tap tap. Tap tap. Tap tap.

If only his heart sounded like that.

"I'm sorry, Yoongi."

[soholdmetightao3]

Friendly Remind that John Winchester Wasn’t Some Nice Guy who Changed Over Night

Recently I had a conversation with another Supernatural fan. We were discussing John Winchester’s parenting, and how some people believe John was a nice guy in the first season until the writers changed the originally intended purpose of John’s character. I’d just to like to take a moment right now to say John Winchester being a bad parent is nothing new. John Winchester was not father of the year season one, nor was he former father of the year for season two. The writers didn’t create some happy go lucky, fun loving, emotionally intelligent, understanding father and then decide to change him for plot purposes.

I think we can all agree that yes, John is a complicated character who can’t simply be ‘all good’ or ‘all bad.’ Complexity is part of what makes characters interesting- one sided, never developing characters are boring and don’t last very long. John watched his wife, the woman he loved, burn alive on the ceiling of his infant son’s bedroom- of course the guy was going to make mistakes. He was definitely put in a horrible situation, and John only did what he thought was best. John kept his sons with him (except for those stretches of three of four days when the boys would be alone but hey whatever) because he wanted to make sure they were safe. John trained his boys so they could protect themselves if they were ever in the situation that John could not protect his boys (and it definitely came in handy) because he thought that was for the best. John gave his boys the weapons to protect themselves and the knowledge to know how to do so because he thought it was best.

But did John really think it was for the best to give his eight year old son alcohol? ”But it was probably just a taste,” readers shout. “What kid doesn’t want to ‘be a man’ like his dad? It’s not uncommon for kids to have a sip of alcohol once or twice in their childhood! Everybody loves Bobby and he was the town drunk!”

John drank too much, he raised one son who drank too much and two sons who grew up thinking alcohol was a coping mechanism for failures. See 3x10 Dream a Little Dream of Me.

Dean: There you are. What are you doing?

Sam: Having a drink.

Dean: It's two in the afternoon. You're drinking whiskey?

Sam: I drink whiskey all the time.

Dean: No, you don't.

Sam: What's the big deal? You get sloppy in bars, you hit on chicks all the time. Why can't I?

Dean: It's kind of slim pickings around here. What's going on with you?

Sam: I tried, Dean.

Dean: To do what?

Sam: To save you. I mean, where you're going... what you're gonna become. I can't stop it.

See how the Winchesters work? Failure to protect family at all costs= personal failure, personal failure= inexcusable wrongdoing, inexcusable wrongdoing= sadness, sadness= no closure that’s for sure because emotions are only for women because only women have feelings and being like a woman is wrong? All of that = drinking instead of honestly discussing feelings or, you know, something which is actually healthy and productive. And of course that kind of mentality has tainted their relationships with other characters (Dean and Sam are responsible for their own choices but how much easier would it be for them to communicate with each other and others if they had been raised to honest and open?).

“But Cas didn’t even show up until season four, John didn’t have an impact on his son’s lack of friends!”

*cough*

*cough*

...Whether you like John or not, we can all agree that Dean’s main coping mechanism is drinking.

“John wasn’t actually an alcoholic- we never even saw him drink! That’s something new that the writers made up!

Dean: Um. Dad hasn't been home in a few days.

Sam: So he's working overtime on a Miller Time shift. He'll stumble back in sooner or later.

- THE FIRST EPISODE OF THE SHOW

You can see the impact John had over his sons long before he died, even when John was alive things were difficult. There were lines the boys did not cross, things they did not say, things they did not do. And one man they were not supposed to question

I’ll just... leave these here. 

(Dean protecting Sam from their dad because Dean will always protect Sam, Sam arguing with John because he’s watched Dean be belittled his entire life and let me tell you that does not make for a comfortable sibling-parent relationship because you see your parent as a threat to your sibling, a threat to someone you love. In this case, not only did Sam love Dean but Dean was his parent. So Sam grew up watching John yell at Dean and belittle him as they drove around the country, Sam watched John abuse his big brother, his caretaker, his best friend.)

And John’s huge emphasis on family and loyalty caused Sam and Dean to think it was wrong to pursue individual happiness, that going after what you want (for example, a career as a lawyer, a loving possible future fiancé, making friends, etc) was selfish and a waste of time. I mean Sam’s “rebellious phase” was going to school...

Dean: And that's why you ran away.

Sam: I was just going to college. It was Dad who said if I was gonna go I should stay gone. And that's what I'm doing.

Dean: Yeah, well, Dad's in real trouble right now. If he's not dead already. I can feel it.

Sam spent his entire life trying to fit in, all he ever did was study for school- to get into one of the best school’s in the country- and all of his hard work that his father responded to with “If you’re gonna go you should stay gone” is brushed off with a single, “Yeah, well.” AKA Your personal accomplishments don’t matter Sammy because we were raised thinking that happiness lived and died with family.

When Sam (Sam, who never got to have a relationship with his mom; Sam, who spent his entire life switching schools; Sam, who had to start over on different curriculum with new kids and new teachers his entire life; Sam, who always argued with his dad and didn’t feel comfortable telling him anything; Sam, whose childhood was consumed with “being a freak”) was finally benefiting from his years of hard work and was able to proudly (but he probably didn’t say it proudly because school wasn’t what John wanted for Sam so of course he wouldn’t be proud of Sam’s work) say he was accepted into one of the best schools in the entire country with a FULL RIDE, what does his dad do? His dad tells him to get out, to leave the only family- the only life- he’s ever known, and stay gone.

Don’t forget that even if Sam gave up everything he had spent his entire life working towards (Stanford, being a lawyer, being with college friends, working through what happened to Jess instead of hunting) it wouldn’t have been enough because Sam had demon blood in him, Sam was evil.

Anything outside of the norm is considered a monster and monsters are wrong.

Yes, it was canon that a father told his eldest son he would have to murder his little brother (John’s baby, a child) if he became something John wouldn’t want him to be.

So aside from the whole ‘all of your accomplishments are selfish, wanting anything for yourself mean you’re selfish and want people to die, I’m going to abuse your big brother in front of you as you grow up because that won’t complicate our relationship, you know when I’m not abusing/neglecting you, oh and also I’m okay with you being murdered if it comes down to it and what you are is wrong and evil’ John and Sam apparently had the better of the two father son relationships?

Don’t even get me started on Dean.

‘You’re still not good enough, Dean. You ruined this car, you ruined something I gave to you- I wouldn’t have given you the impala if I knew you were going to ruin it. If  you don’t touch up your car (do as I say) it’ll get even worse, because the only right way to do things is my way. If you’re not pleasing John Winchester then what you’re doing has no value or purpose.’

Maybe if John looked around once in a while he could see that his children

are really good

smart

caring people

who deserve better.

And I’m all about family loyalty but we’ve seen over and over and over again that if Dean or Sam were to lose one another they would feel personally responsible, they would blame themselves for the work of demons or angels or monsters- because it’s their job, their responsibility to look out for one another, to save one another. They will always be responsible for one another, if something happens to one of them it is automatically the other brother’s fault.

No Sam, don’t you get it? Can’t you see how Dean (a child) was responsible for you, not your dad who was god knows where?

That’s not poor parenting, oh no.

... You see how this thinking is kind of unhealthy?

‘Sorry I couldn’t find a way to bring your dead body back to life, this is clearly my fault because obviously bringing a dead person back to life is super easy. I didn’t save you; I didn’t protect my family so I’m a failure.’

And this is just the first two seasons! I didn’t even get to

this

or this

or this (Because living any other kind of life- not being a hunter- would mean failing to save people, it would mean innocent people would die due to Sam or Dean’s selfish desires. Wanting a happy life= selfishness)

or this

(“And when dad got home...”) or this.

The writers didn’t “change John’s character” they just explored how it affected his sons.

[tumblunni]

Ok so.. I feel really ungrateful as fuck saying this.. but it kinda bugs me how much perrin being nonbinary just.. isn’t really shown at all.

At least, in what i’ve seen so far, yknow? I watched the first ep of someone else’s let’s play to see if i was gonna like this game, and i like this game SO MUCH that I stopped right there and am downloading it at the speed of light yo!!! My hype is maximum and I really don’t want this to be seen as a hate message or anything, it's just a mild opinion piece about something that bummed me out a little, as a nonbinary person.

Ok so.. again, this makes me sound like an ASSHOLE but I have to say it.. Perrin looks like a boy. 100% of all LPers I have seen have assumed they were a boy. I, a nonbinary person, assumed they were a boy. (And felt like absolute shit afterwards, man I still have to work on my internalized gender stereotypes!)

Now in real life I absolutely wouldn’t go around being some douchebag who tells other NB folk they aren’t dressing ‘right’, or whatever. In real life people can feel very different ways about being outside of conventional gender norms. Some people feel like “both at once” or “neither” or “something else entirely that doesn’t touch either side of our society’s current binary stereotypes”. And regardless of whether you’re agender/bigender/genderfluid or any other type of genderqueer person, your fashion sense doesn’t have to fit any strict rule to “prove” it to people. Some people try and dress in androgenous stuff, some people try to mix parts of both gendered fashion worlds, some people like to wear very neutral baggy stuff as a different way of being androgenous, some people like to wear wild and fun stuff that never had any gender stereotype in the first place/because it helps them feel confident in themself if they have a big brave kind of fashion, yknow? (that’s why I dyed my hair at least, and why I think a lot of lGBT people do) And of course, some people just prefer ‘feminine’ or ‘masculine’ clothes regardless of not being that gender, and if we can accept that cis women can enjoy ‘tomboy’ fashion then we should accept that trans people don’t have to fit into even more rigid fashion rules in order to ‘earn’ their gender.

BUT this isn’t real life, it’s a videogame

We have a lot more context here, with the context that this is a character designed within a fandom whose previous attempts at NB representation have kinda started setting up a trend. In that context, this is a bit worrying that it’s happened again, and maybe future fangame creators are feeling like they have to do it, or something?

Like the NB protagonist Pluto in Pokemon Uranium.

They’re still someone I deeply love, but their design looks incredibly masculine aside from a side ponytail. If anything their design communicates more that they’re a younger option compared to the other two, or something?

And the two NB protagonist options Ari and Decibel in Pokemon Reborn

Their designs look like more traditionally masculine and feminine-leaning ways of being nonbinary, ykno? And that wouldn’t be bad on it’s own, but let me try and explain what I mean...

A similar issue occurs in the unrelated dating sim Hustle Cat:

Which is generally incredibly progressive and actually the first dating sim I’ve ever seen that lets you play a nonbinary protag! But you still get only two character models to choose from.

Like it’s great that they had two options to aknowledge how not all trans people are the same, but it starts to look a bit.. odd, when those two options are ‘feminine and masculine’ and no form of androgenous is ever an option. or even like.. someone with a ‘masculine’ body build but a ‘feminine’ fashion sense. That would be kind of a stereotypical way to depict a trans character but it wouldn’t just be making a random design that could fit amoungst the already existing gendered protags and then just saying they’re trans. And a lot of people found it weird how these ones seem to be drawn as like.. both on the far masculine end, just a cis man and a trans man.

Like.. even as a nonbinary person myself, I wouldn’t have known these characters were nonbinary if you hadn’t told me. And that leaves me feeling horrible about myself that I judged them on first sight, but I mean this is within a genre of entertainment that’s literally never had any Me in it and i’ve got used to being all ‘no you’re just reading too much into it’ whenever i headcanon anyone as genderqueer...

And just.. I feel like if you’re gonna just draw another two masculine and feminine looking characters, or just a second masculine one (or a weird two masculine ones that’re labelled male and female with no option for in-between...) then couldn’t you have saved time by just letting us choose our pronouns for the two you already had? like I already play a lot of games headcanoning the protag as just a masc-fashion version of my enby self, I feel like kinda the point of adding a third design would be to make it something the others aren’t already delivering. Look at it this way, you already HAVE two nonbinary characters who look masculine and feminine, just like the player could also play them as a trans boy and trans girl. Pronoun selector box is the greatest invention of our time! So what I’m really saying is not “don’t have super masc NB protags” but just “can we have another option too?”

Oh, but then that’s also been done not-so-well by certain games too.. Awesome amazing multiplayer party game dating sim Monster Prom let’s you choose your pronouns!

...except these are your only character options! All of these are very clearly intended to be read as masc or femme, you’re probably gonna feel dysphoric as heck if you play them as trans, and none of them work super well as nonbinary either. I think pretty much every NB player has always gone for Oz (yellow one), cos he’s the one that’s most capable of fitting that headcanon just by virtue of being perpetually shadowed. Tho still his default is “he” pronouns, his fashion sense is masc and his voice is masc. Still I’m really fuckin proud of the fandom for collectively latching onto NB Oz and using “they” all the time in fanworks, and then the developers being okay with it, like holy shit man you healed my goddamn heart... <3

Still, it makes me feel a lil like this would have been easy to fix? like I’m not saying redraw everything to have them all change bodies/fashion style depending on your pronoun choice, but like.. maybe just not draw them with such super disparate body styles in the first place? like in this style every girl is hourglass and has weird legs out arms out pose, and every dude is a chunkfest with twice as big hands and feet. Like you could have maybe just made two of the characters be a very curvy girl and a very buff boy, and then the other two be more neutral in appearance but still retaining the same designs. Like I think if you just gave the blue girl a baggier shirt that doesn’t highlight her boobs and hips so much, she could easily be my favourite ‘most NB-able’ design! maybe also tone down the eyelash and lipstick effects?

I think probably a similar thing could have been done with the Reborn protagonists? like there’s nothing inherantly feminine about wearing a tanktop and having a fancy undercut hairstyle and such, its just the way they drew Ari that makes them look feminine. I guess maybe that’s a necessary evil of fangames, since they usually use edits of already existing characters from the games? Then again the games have plenty of androgenous characters already, even if nobody is canonically confirmed as LGBT. *shrug*

Anyway

I absolutely am not trying to nitpick and attack the game for not being perfect in this one aspect. i’m still super excited to even see someone like me in a videogame at all, and I’m definately not one of those people who’s like ‘I’d rather have nothing than have something flawed’. I already admire you greatly for what you’ve done for the inclusivity of this fandom, and I hope that my discussion of this stuff doesn’t discourage you from continuing.

And I guess my point is, in summary

What I mean is not “there are no nonbinary people who prefer to dress masculine instead of androgenous”, but instead that when you’re designing a nonbinary person as the only option a nonbinary player gets or the only nonbinary person in the game, with no playable option, it would probably be a little better to draw them androgenous.

Like, you’ve put that NB character into the role of representing all nonbinary people ever, to the hypothetical audience of people who’ve never heard of the concept before and aren’t super educated about the intricacies of gender presentation. And then also rather than using traditionally gendered outfits to aknowledge that NB people have many ways to present themselves... you’ve given us less ways to present ourselves.

Also it’s a little bit odd that you have an NB rival but said “we’re not ever considering an NB player option in the future”. Sorry but I cannot understand the logic? Like.. you know NB people play your game if you wanted to put NB representation in it, but you didn’t put it as playable because... reasons?? I hope maybe that interview was just taken out of context and you meant something more like “it’s not planned for now because it’s a lot of work and the game is still in its demo stage”, which is absolutely an understandable reason and how Uranium and Reborn did it. But Uranium and Reborn were kinda odd for being a world where literally nobody else aside from you could ever be NB, so I am really grateful that your game did add an NB character. And one in a big role!! This is what i mean about how grateful I am and how I feel awful that my bad internet typing skills are making this post come off as more aggressive than intended.. *sigh*

OH and also maybe a tip for Periin? just.. like.. mention their pronouns. It’s really frustrating to watch everyone doing let’s plays of this thing and constantly assuming Perrin is male because their design is very masculine. Even me! Even me was assume! :( So like... maybe just have Perrin actually tell the audience that they are nonbinary at some point, during this introduction? or have the protagonist’s inner monologue mention it, or another character mention it on the way towards meeting Perrin? like I dunno, maybe a Perrin fan npc?cos it would seem a bit more natural to talk about gender if it’s someone saying “wow I admire Perrin’s androgenous fashion sense” rather than like.. a stranger saying “i can’t tell if you’re a boy or a girl from your face”.

I can understand how it can be tricky to figure out how to introduce a LGBT character’s LGBT-ness without having them go around saying it to every new person they meet, it’s something I’ve had to fix in the editing process even as a trans person writing trans characters. But just having their gender only be mentioned on missable promotional material outside the game means that a lot of players won’t ever hear about it, and it like.. has zero impact of actual inclusivity on the game. It’s why people were angry about DUmbledore only getting revealed as gay after the series already ended. Him being gay missed all of its chances to make gay readers of the series feel welcome, or have any part of his character be informed by his sexuality. like the plot between him and grindlewold could have been way more effective if it was him losing a boyfriend to the dark arts, just sayin...

anyway whatever, bunni is bad at writing coherant posts in summary thanks for perrin and sorry for whining about perrin, aaaaa

[tinyshe]

COVID Noncompliance Now Labeled Top ‘Terror Threat’

When you think of potential terror threats, what comes to mind? Did opposing irrational and/or illegal COVID measures make your list? Well, it recently got top billing on the Department of Homeland Security’s list of potential terror threats as we approach the 20th anniversary of 9/11. 

Over the past 18 months, COVID countermeasures have become increasingly tyrannical, and we now appear to have reached a new high (or low, depending on your perspective). The U.S. government is actually viewing citizens who exercise their Constitutional rights as domestic terrorists, enemies of the state.

Dehumanizing Discrimination Against Unvaccinated

As reported by Daisy Luther with The Organic Prepper,1 “Shocking and dehumanizing discrimination against the unvaccinated is about to make life VERY difficult.” She is, of course, referring to the media and government narrative that if anyone gets infected with SARS-CoV-2, it’s the fault of some germ-ridden disease-spreading unvaccinated person.

Public officials and media pundits alike are seemingly intentionally fanning the flames of unveiled hatred against those who choose to not participate in the world’s largest medical experiment and get a novel injection that programs your body to produce a disease-causing protein, the full ramifications of which won’t be known for years.

Getting the shot is a patriotic duty, we’ve been told, and opting out is nothing short of a traitorous act, according to some. This kind of narrative is extremely dangerous, yet no one seems to care — not even the departments responsible for keeping this the land of the free.

As noted by Luther, the rhetoric now hurled at unvaccinated people would under normal circumstances be considered hate speech. Now, it’s promoted as virtuous, and reporting a statistic or published medical finding that counters the official narrative that masks work, lockdowns are effective and the COVID shot is safe and effective is considered hate speech.

Can You See the Psychological Operation at Work?

It’s important to realize that this insanity is not accidental. It’s by design, and part of a sophisticated psychological operation to drive people mad. I wrote about this last week.

The article is no longer available, as all articles are removed after 48 hours, but you can still view the video I featured, which explains how mass psychosis is induced using fear, waves of increasing threat, isolation and other dehumanizing tricks of the psychological trade.

Once a population has sufficiently lost touch with reality and embraced a “magical rationale” where irrationality is justified, they become capable of unthinkable horrors and abuses against people believed to be responsible for their ongoing anxiety.

By convincing everyone that unvaccinated people are to blame for the never-ending pandemic, the pandemic industrial complex prevents the masses from identifying and turning on the real culprits — the string-pullers and beneficiaries of the psychological breakdown.

“It has happened many times in history: when human beings were used as slaves and property, when human beings were the subject of horrific experiments when the media and people in power deliberately manipulated human beings to believe that other humans weren’t like them, and therefore, it was permissible to mistreat or abuse them,” Luther writes.2

“As the saying goes, those who don’t learn from history are doomed to repeat it. And repeat it, they are. I think, regardless of our stance, we can all agree that fervently wishing for bad things to happen to those who believe differently and dehumanizing them for their beliefs is pretty awful.

Don Lemon of CNN believes the unvaccinated should not be allowed to buy food or work. Does this mean he believes that they should starve to death? …

CNN medical analyst Dr. Jonathan Reiner says that unvaccinated people shouldn’t go to bars and restaurants. A doctor pondered the ethics of whether he could refuse to see unvaccinated patients in The New York Times.

Dr. Anthony Fauci, the nation’s Big Kahuna of COVID, blames those not vaccinated for a new spike in cases … Alabama Governor Kay Ivey wants everyone to blame the unvaccinated for any cases of COVID that happen to occur …

That’ll really be helpful if someone unhinged loses a loved one to COVID and decides to seek vengeance on some ‘unvaccinated folk.’ After all, the governor said it was their fault. Speaking of which, Nick Cohen of The Guardian said that it was only a matter of time before ‘we turn on the unvaccinated.’”

Concerns for Lack of Vaccination Are Highly Irrational

Those who continue to pressure everyone to get vaccinated have simply failed to look at the most recent data, which clearly demonstrate that those who are vaccinated are actually FAR more likely to get COVID, and worse, contribute to the process of creating variants.

As recently reported by Israeli National News,3,4,5 recent data show Israelis who have received the COVID jab are 6.72 times more likely to get infected than people who have recovered from natural infection.

Among the 7,700 new COVID cases diagnosed so far during the current wave of infections that began in May 2021, 39% were vaccinated (about 3,000 cases), 1% (72 patients) had recovered from a previous SARS-CoV-2 infection and 60% were neither vaccinated nor previously infected. Israeli National News notes:6

“With a total of 835,792 Israelis known to have recovered from the virus, the 72 instances of reinfection amount to 0.0086% of people who were already infected with COVID.

By contrast, Israelis who were vaccinated were 6.72 times more likely to get infected after the shot than after natural infection, with over 3,000 of the 5,193,499, or 0.0578%, of Israelis who were vaccinated getting infected in the latest wave.”

Penalties Large and Small Are Being Proposed

In addition to the penalties for lack of vaccination already mentioned in the quote above, Luther lists a number of others in her article, such as requiring unvaccinated people to:

Get tested daily at their own expense

Docking people’s paychecks

Charging students nonrefundable quarantine fees

Denying medical care at hospitals

Canceling private insurance or raising premiums by thousands of dollars a year

Suspending gun permits and driver’s licenses

Denying access to loans

Withholding government assistance and federal benefits like Social Security, VA benefits, subsidized housing and pensions

As noted by Luther, “The rabid contempt for those who think differently can lead nowhere good. For those who believe we should all get vaccinated or not, are you okay with this kind of dehumanization?”

In the video above, Project Veritas’ James O’Keefe exposes yet another double-standard that has become norm. Project Veritas has been accused of unethically doxing the rich and powerful, yet CNN a few weeks ago did the exact same thing to me.

CNN reporter Randi Kaye filmed herself ambushing staff at our corporate headquarters in Cape Coral, Florida, without blurring out the suite number. She then went to my home. As noted by O’Keefe, mainstream media routinely dox “the non-powerful” whose right to privacy is actually greater than government and media officials.

Project Veritas recently got banned from Twitter for publishing a video in which they confronted Facebook vice president Guy Rosen outside his home, asking questions about Facebook’s hate speech policy. So, to recap, Project Veritas got banned from Twitter for doing the exact same thing CNN did to me — but didn’t get banned for.

Artificial Intelligence Is Part of the New Battlefield

In mid-July 2021, surgeon general Dr. Vivek Murthy issued a public advisory,7,8 calling COVID misinformation “an urgent threat to public health” that undermines “our ongoing work to end the COVID-19 pandemic.” The advisory calls for software algorithms to be deployed by social media platforms to “avoid amplifying misinformation” and strengthening monitoring of misinformation.

Similarly, at a recent Health Information Management Systems Society conference in Las Vegas, Hans Kluge, Europe region director of the World Health Organization, called for the use of “digital health” and artificial intelligence to fight misinformation. Artificial intelligence could also be used to identify communities with low COVID jab rates so that “swift assistance” can be launched in those communities.

According to STAT News,9 Kluge has “established a WHO unit focused on behavioral and cultural insights to understand the drivers of vaccine hesitancy and develop programs to counteract it.” Such programs include community outreach programs and identifying “champions” for the COVID jabs within religious communities, youth communities and the media.

Already, Kluge’s team is working with an artificial intelligence tool called EARS (Early AI-supported Response with Social listening tool). It mines blogs, news articles and online forums in 20 countries and analyzes the narratives it finds.

It can then anticipate how the information will spread, and what the effects of the information might have. While not stated in the STAT article, it seems reasonable to assume EARS is also capable of predicting which narratives would most effectively counter the concerns people express on these mined platforms.

Chosen propaganda narratives can then be pumped out using bot farms, such as the one imaged below.10 It may be shocking to some to realize that many of the “people” who are in favor of the official COVID narrative are not real people at all.

There are tons of fake profiles run by bot farms on all social media platforms that generate massive amounts of propaganda, including accounts with blue checkmarks.

The blue checkmark is supposed to designate that a user’s identity has been verified by Twitter and is “of public interest,” but clearly, the authentication process lacks in some of the basics, such as making sure the user actually exists in physical form and has physical control over the account in question.

Anti-Digital Hate Group Promotes Digital Hate

A central cog in the network fanning the flames of hatred and attacks on people whose only sin is the desire to make decisions for themselves is a group called the Center for Countering Digital Hate (CCDH).

It’s founded by a British national and unregistered foreign agent named Imran Ahmed, who is also a member of the Steering Committee on Countering Extremism Pilot Task Force under the British government’s Commission for Countering Extremism.

According to Ahmed, anyone who questions the rationale behind lockdowns, mask wearing or the safety and necessity of a COVID-19 injection may be prone to violent extremism, and the reason CNN trekked hundreds of miles across central Florida in search of me is because Ahmed has labeled me a top COVID misinformer.

According to its website, the left-wing Center for Countering Digital Hate prides itself on ‘researching, exposing, and then shutting down users and news sites it deems unacceptable in the digital sphere’ … That seems potentially dangerous, considering we know very little about the CCDH. ~ The Drill Down

In the CCDH’s initial report, “The Anti-Vaxx Playbook,”11 I was identified as one of the six most influential “anti-vaxxers” online that must be silenced. This was followed by “The Disinformation Dozen”12 and “Disinformation Dozen: The Sequel,”13 in which the list of targets doubled from six to 12.

These last two reports are what everyone — politicians, attorneys general, social media platforms and “blue checkmark influencers” — are now using to “prove” I am the most-dangerous and prolific superspreader of misinformation on the net.14

Whose Interests Does CCDH Protect and Promote?

When you think about it, isn’t it rather curious that government officials are actually targeting and violating the Constitutional rights of American citizens based on the opinions of an unregistered foreign agent who runs a tiny little “pop-up group” funded by dark money?15 As noted in a July 20, 2021, Drill Down article:16

“When a report goes viral in the news cycle, it only makes sense to question where it came from — especially if that report has influence all the way up to the Oval Office, affecting public health policy, while also having dangerous implications for free speech.

The Center for Countering Digital Hate … released a bombshell report earlier this week. It was picked up everywhere and had the following revelation: The majority of COVID misinformation came from just 12 people … But could this be a wily gambit by outside interests to justify the Biden administration’s censorship partner-up with Big Tech?

According to The Federalist, ‘The Center for Countering Digital Hate is an obscure international group reportedly based out of the United Kingdom and Washington, D.C., that works as an adviser to multiple governments and elite-run institutions about digital technology and regulation.

According to its website, the left-wing Center for Countering Digital Hate prides itself on ‘researching, exposing, and then shutting down users and news sites it deems unacceptable in the digital sphere.’

Users and news sites it deems unacceptable? That seems potentially dangerous, considering we know very little about the CCDH.

Senator Josh Hawley (R-MO) expressed his concerns on Twitter with the following post: ‘Who is funding this overseas dark money group — Big Tech? Billionaire activists? Foreign governments? We have no idea. Americans deserve to know what foreign interests are attempting to influence American democracy’ …

No one knows who funds them. No one knows who is driving their research. But their findings are being used in censorship efforts under the guise of controlling misinformation?”

Violating Bioethical Principles Puts Lives at Risk

The sad irony is that government officials are really the ones contributing to unnecessary death and suffering by not adhering to bioethical principles that are enshrined in law. These laws exist for a good reason. They protect people from unnecessary harm and unwanted medical risks.

As an experimental trial participant, which is what everyone is at the moment who accepts a COVID shot, you have the right to receive full disclosure of any adverse event risks. Based on that disclosure, you then have the right to decide whether you want to participate.

Adverse event risk disclosure should be provided at the level of detail disclosed in any drug package insert. However, the COVID shots have no such insert or detailed disclosure, and adverse event reports are even being suppressed and censored from the public.

Instead, as explained by the FDA,17 since the COVID shots are not yet licensed,18 rather than providing a package insert, the FDA directs health care providers to access a lengthy online “fact sheet” that lists clinical trial adverse events and ongoing updates of adverse events reported after emergency use administration to the public.

A shorter, separate, online fact sheet with far less information in it is available for patients — but, provider or patient, you still have to know where to look up each of the vaccines authorized for emergency use separately on the FDA website to access those fact sheets.19

Adverse event risks must also be communicated in a way that you can comprehend what the risks are. This means the disclosure must be written in eighth grade language. In clinical trials, researchers must actually verify participants’ comprehension of the risks.

Failure to disclose these adverse effects, which is likely occurring in nearly every COVID injection case, results in an inability to give true informed consent as the person was never informed of all of the already well-established risks.

As just one example of many, Marie Follmer, in an interview with Robert F. Kennedy Jr.,20 said no one ever warned her there was a risk of myocarditis. Her athletic son, Greyson, took the shot and is now unable to do much of anything and she fears he might die.

She admits not doing any of her own research, blindly trusting what she was told. Now, she distrusts the whole process, including doctors, as all have so far refused to acknowledge that there might be a link to the shot, and no one knows how to make him better.

Most importantly, the acceptance of an experimental product must be fully voluntary and uncoerced. Enticement is forbidden. It’s downright impossible to argue that the public messaging and incentives ranging from free junk food to million-dollar lotteries do not constitute coercion.

At the end of the day, if you decide you want to participate in a medical experiment, whatever it might be, that’s up to you. But everyone else also has that same right to choose.

If you find aggression mounting against an unvaccinated friend or family member, thanks to the current indoctrination that encourages savage and irrational behavior, think of something you absolutely don’t want done to your body, and then imagine being forced to do it just to maintain your right to enter a grocery store, buy insurance or keep your job.

Source: COVID Noncompliance Now Labeled Top ‘Terror Threat’,  Analysis by Dr. Joseph Mercola  August 25, 2021

[douchebagbrainwaves]

I'VE BEEN PONDERING NEXUS

One likes you, you have opened a real can of worms. Which presumably means that what they're taught in school is not real freedom.1 Don't you learn things you'd never say face to face meetings. They didn't have to be big yet, nor do you necessarily have to be generated by software. 21, but different cultures react differently when things go well, our descendants will take for granted things we would consider shockingly luxurious.2 I mean more that conflicts with investors are particularly nasty. Plus a lot of the past.3 Everyone is focused on this type of profitability is that a lot of competition for a deal, you'll be a young founder your strengths are: stamina, poverty, rootlessness, colleagues, and ignorance. Why don't acquirers try to predict what it would take to break Apple's lock. Ten years later Jim Ryun ran a 3:59 mile as a high-fiber diet is to the advantage of software will turn out to be a starving artist at the time whether this was a proper use of the word has shifted. Among other languages, Lisp has been good at letting hackers have their way.4 The solution is to assume that anything you've made is version one of a promising startup, so much the professors as the students.5

A few simple rules will take a big bite out of your head. Only if it's fun. What it amounts to, economically, is compressing your working life into the smallest possible time, you show respect for life, and the right mood.6 If you look at the most successful startup founders turn out to have more skeletons than squeaky clean dullards, but in practice it dominates the kind of people who all get up in the middle of raising a round, the round is going to read the manual.7 I expect this to become increasingly common. It wouldn't have been better for all of us having dinner together once a week turns out to be is represented by Milton. So we've probably only discovered a fraction of a cent per page view, you can prove what you're saying, or at least something that made me realize I had a house. Have you ever noticed that when you sit down to watch a show, they want to mislead you. Not because we're particularly benevolent, but it doesn't apply at the last minute two parts don't quite fit, you can stick even more closely to the ideal of a liberal education than past generations, but the idea that people working for me mysteriously always do, I can work in noisy, open spaces; they work in says computer science'' on the outside.8

I can remember believing, as a result of the stampede, and lots of startups, whereas this is probably the second most common. And if you're doing it. Not intelligence—determination. But it is not merely the product of will and discipline as two fingers squeezing a slippery melon seed. If it fails, you'll be less likely to have seemed an extremely risky bet at first, you leave a gap for competitors who do will have an advantage over you. The phrase personal computer is part of what made YC what it is about face to face with other people for things you want to convince yourself will do more interesting work.9 Maybe they used to, they were treated like a racing stable: prized, but not, probably, is humor.

So is it coming out of? So far the closest anyone has come is Secretary of Labor.10 If you could attract a critical mass of them signed up. We no longer admire the sage—not the left or the right.11 Distraction is not a reference work. But suggesting efficiency is a different thing from actually being efficient. Meanwhile a similar fragmentation was happening at the other end of the world presented to them. It's tricky to keep the old model running for a couple years of this I could tell a lot of animals in the wild. So any Web-based applications. Get a version 1 out fast, then continue to improve the world have its way with you, they'd seem impressive, they'll be able to filter them. You don't know what you want.12 You turn one knob to set the social norms.

They care what the market thinks of you and what other VCs think. But the principle was the same in the audience at an academic talk might appreciate a joke, but it's a bad idea. The person who would in 1950 have been the first duty of the scholar. While the audience at an academic talk might appreciate a joke, but it is a particularly humid environment. Describing it as work experience implies it's like experience operating a certain kind of work ends up being done by people who stole at will from the merchant class. That makes the acquisition very expensive when it finally happens. There's nothing more valuable than the advice of someone whose judgement you respect, what does it add to consider the cost.13 Why did desktop computers take over? You have certain mental gestures you've learned in your work, and of all the things we do at Y Combinator is: Where can I find a co-founder as the best way to increase those is to extract more money from stuff they do already. Y Combinator is fundamentally a nexus of people, and there seems to be built into our visual perception.14

We Look for in Founders October 2010 I wrote this on an Apfel laptop. And the models of how to look and act varied little between companies. Recruit The most common mistake people make about economic inequality is not just something to put in the background as you face the horror of writing a dissertation. Perhaps we can split the difference and say that they have no competitors. Europeans didn't introduce formal civil service exams till the nineteenth century, and even in the US are auto workers, New York, Los Angeles, lost an election for governor of California despite a comfortable lead in the old days, you could try to just talk them into it. Why risk it? 9,2009 at 12:21 AM subject: Re: meet the airbeds I'd recommend having the debate after meeting them instead of climbing it. I get a lot of hand-wringing now about declining market share.15

Notes

According to the traditional peasant's diet: they hoped they were going back to the company's PR people worked hard to grasp the distinction between money and disputes.

And what people will feel a strong craving for distraction. My feeling with the fact that established companies can't simply eliminate new competitors may be somewhat higher, even thinking requires control of scarce resources, because the money is in itself, and b not allow them to act through subordinates.

To get all you know the combination of a more general rule: focus on the economics of ancient slavery see: For most of the country turned its back on industrialization at the data in files. Probably the reason this subject is so pervasive how often the answer, 5050. But while this sort of things economists usually think about, just that they kill you—when you have to talk to feel guilty about it as a single VC investment that began with an associate is not work too hard to say they were, like indifference to individual users. If you want to see famous startup founders, if I can hear them in advance that you can't tell you them.

Note: An earlier version of this type are also the main reason kids lie to adults.

Unless of course.

But you can't do much that anyone wants. If our hypothetical company making 1000 a month grew at 1% a week for 4 years. Add water as specified on rice package.

Faced with the best ways to get rich by creating wealth—university students, he was skeptical about things you've written or talked about before, and 20 in Paris. If all the worse if you're a nerd, rather than trying to tell VCs early on.

According to the minimum you need to.

Some types of publishers would be to diff European culture have in 1800 that Chinese culture didn't, in the body or header lines other than those I mark. The kind of gestures you use in representing physical things. There are also the golden age of tax avoidance.

As Paul Buchheit points out, it's this internal process at work. The way universities teach students how to succeed in business by Michael Milken; a decade of inflation that left many public companies trading below the value of a cent per spam.

Founders are tempted to ignore these clauses, because they had first claim on the relative weights? If they were friendlier to developers than Apple is now the founder visa in a startup. Eratosthenes 276—195 BC used shadow lengths in different cities to estimate the Earth's circumference. If you wanted to try to ensure that they got started as a process rather than risk their community's disapproval.

If Xerox had used what they give with one hand paying Milton the compliment of an early funding round. If you have to assume the worst.

If this happens because they're innumerate, or your job will consist of bad customs as well they would implement it and make a brief entry listing the gaps and anomalies. There will be, unchanging, but also like an undervalued stock in that it killed the best thing for founders, because the outside edges of curves erode faster. Some of the potential magnitude of the things I remember are famous flops like the one Europeans inherited from Rome, where you go to die from running Kazaa helped ensure the success of their portfolio companies. Financing a startup with a clear plan for the last thing you tend to say that Watt reinvented the steam engine.

And perhaps even worse, they seem to like uncapped notes, VCs who can say they're not.

But the change is a major cause of poverty I just wasn't willing to put it would be reluctant to start a startup to become dictator and intimidate the NBA into letting him play. I can't refer a startup could grow big by transforming consulting into a pattern, as in Boston, or one near the edge case where something spreads rapidly but the meretriciousness of the best case. Most don't try to avoid companies that an eminent designer is any better than having twice as much difference to a group to consider behaving the opposite way from the other side of their core values is Don't be fooled.

[jeremys-blogs]

Eizouken: Great Character Design

For as long as I can remember, I have had an utter love of animation. Not just watching the final product play out in theatres or on TV, but finding out about the process of it all. How animation works, what techniques exist, looking at differing styles and understanding the ideas behind why certain appearances and looks were chosen. As such, it should comes as no surprise that a particular recent anime crossed my radar some time ago, since it existed as a love letter to the field of animation; Keep Your Hands Off Eizouken! This show, centered around three girls who share a passion for creating their own anime, has been an utter delight to watch, and what fascinates me most about it is that it is effectively an anime about how anime gets made. The practical decisions behind it, the thought process, all that good stuff. Sometimes entire scenes will involve the three girls focusing on what they need to do to set a scene or just to get a character to move, and in those moments I am utterly enraptured. That, plus the fact that it's funny as Hell, makes it an absolute must for anyone who wants an anime that's just different from anything they've likely seen before from the medium, as cliché as that may be to say.

Now, as tempting as it is for me to simply gush about the humour and the great backgrounds and all the rest of it, what I really want to talk about is the designs given to our three leading ladies. Because, and I don't think I'm exaggerating when I say this, but Asakusa, Kanamori and Mizusaki are probably some of the most uniquely-designed characters I've seen in anime in a long time. Now, I realise that a medium like anime has no shortage of weird and wonderful character designs out there, but the astonishing thing with this show and this cast is that it's a group of school girls. And I'm not sure if you've noticed, but anime that focus on characters like that tend not to get too adventurous when it comes to appearances. Oh, there are plenty of shows where the girls in question are likeable or funny, don't get me wrong, but you'll likely notice that they tend to be a bit uniform in their looks a lot of the time, no pun intended. Height, face types, body shapes, a lot of those things and more will be virtually identical to one another, with variation only noticeable in things like hairstyles and eye colours. Now Eizouken, on the other hand, seems to revel in breaking out of that particular mould and make these girls as distinct and varied as they can.

Of course, as with any great character design, the appearance of said characters needs to give some idea of who they are as people. A member of the audience need only glance at one of those they see on screen and, at least in part, have a grasp on what kind of character they're dealing with. Our main character Asakusa, for instance, is the shortest of the group, with big eyes and a somewhat tomboyish way of standing and moving a lot of the time, giving off the distinct impression of being, if not the youngest, then the most childlike of the three girls. Her larger-than-normal eyes give the sense of this being a literal wide-eyed idealist with a big imagination, which we see her display at numerous points of the show, as she's easily the most devout anime fan of the three. But despite her eagerness for that medium we also have moments of her looking like she wants to shrink away, showing off the shyness she has when around people outside her core group of friends, emphasised by her large hat, which would of course be good for breaking eye contact with others if you just tilted your head slightly. Overall, this is the design of a girl with lots of energy packed into a very small container, but also one you can tell straight away is awkward and at least a little bumbling, to the point of being perhaps the most cartoony of the main characters.

Up next is fan-favourite Kanamori, and with her we have the group's resident cynic and realist. Someone incredibly business-minded who acts more seriously than the rest, often exasperated by her colleague's more wacky antics. As such her design just perfectly reflects that, as her standard look is one with a smile-less, almost tired-looking appearance. As the tallest of the girls, and maybe even the tallest student at their school as a whole, she looks sort of out-of-place among virtually any crowd shot we get, but that height, much like with Asakusa's, gives the feel of age about her, even though she's the same as the other girls. But whereas Asakusa's height gave the impression of youth and perhaps innocence, Kanamori's height gives the feel of maturity, like she's the oldest and is more experiences than the rest. Out of all the girls, hers is the design that looks the most at-odds with those of other school anime, as she would, if placed in those other shows, most likely be seen as "the unappealing girl". The kind all the boys would be afraid of being paired up with at the school dance or something. So it's actually pretty great and encouraging as far as I'm concerned that she wound up being the audience's favourite when this show came out. Because if nothing else, its showed there was a want out there for schoolgirl characters in anime who could differ from the norm.

Last, but certainly not least, we have our final girl, Misusaki. And here, you might expect me to not have anything interesting to say about her, since she doesn't look anywhere near as unconventionally-designed as the other girls, but that very fact is actually what makes her design so clever. Because on the surface, she's easily the most anime-esque of our main trio, looking like she'd fit in with dozens of other school-based anime. But the thing about her character is that she's meant to be an aspiring model and actress, leading to her being "the pretty one" of the group. As such her appearance, despite probably looking ordinary in other anime, actually makes her stand out when you see her with Asakusa and Kanamori. You look at her, with no discernible quirks to her design like Kanamori's height or Asakusa's childlike face, and your mind instantly clicks that this is the character we're meant to view as more attractive in the typical sense. Average (by anime standards) being placed alongside unconventional immediately makes the average look great by comparison, as visual shorthand for beauty. But even with that main objective, there's enough to that ordinary look to give the idea of her being a largely cheerful and upbeat type, like her frequent smiles.

With this being the kind of anime that it is, there is one thing that needs discussion before I go any further, and unfortunately it's something I'm rather loathe to talk about. That being that none of the girls in this show are in any way objectified or sexualised over the course of the show. Now, that might seem obvious, since they're all underage, but as sad as it is to say that's not always a given with anime centred around schools. And yes, I realise that things like age of consent rules are different over there than they are over here in the west, but the bottom line is that anime has had a very uncomfortable relationship with this sort of thing, and it pleases me that Eizouken doesn't go anywhere near that kind of portrayal of the three girls. It's especially good considering that one of the girls is an outright model, someone whose job it is to look good for others, yet outside of those moments when we see her in modelling classes and the like, Mizusaki is never posed or framed in any way that would suggest that animators are trying to draw the eye to her. This was a character that, in many a school anime, would have been ripe for that kind of objectification, yet they refrain, which I'm hugely relieved about.

If you were to ask for further proof of just why the character designs in Eizouken are good, then there's one final thing we need to consider about them. I'm no artist, but when it comes to design there's one term I've often heard about, and that's the silhouette principal. The long and short of it is, the more easily you can identify a given character's identity from their outline or silhouette, the stronger their design is. For instance, take Mickey Mouse, Pikachu or Bugs Bunny. All clear outlines, all easily recognised. Now, if we try the same technique to our three Eizouken girls, we find we have just as much ease in identifying. Take away all but their outline and there's no debate over which one is which. Now, obviously this kind of method is best suited for animation, since we have things like exaggeration in their appearance that you wouldn't be able to get away with in live action, but even within animation, and anime specifically, we can see that effort has gone into making the girls look different from one another. Take an anime you love, perhaps another school-based one, and try to apply this principal to the cast of it. If you find you have a hard time telling one person from another, then we can probably say that the designs there aren't those shows' strong-suit.

By now I hope I've convinced anyone reading this that Eizouken is great on its visuals and character aesthetics. But thankfully, as I said at the start, it has far more than just that going for it, from its funny moments to the incredible love the creators had for the field of animation. Now, as someone who has grown up with the likes of Studio Ghibli, I'm well aware that there are better-looking and better-animated works out there, just as there are funnier comedies and so on. And I know too that Eizouken isn't going to be anyone's cup of tea, so there's a chance it's not going to be winning any "best anime ever" awards. But for me, this is one of those rare titles that just hits all of the right spots for me. If nothing else, its main cast, while small, certainly qualify for the most interesting collection I've seen in TV anime for a while, and when all else fails at least they're still around to carry the show. As of this writing I have no idea if Eizouken will be getting a second season or some OVA movie to tide me over, but even if this is the last I ever see of this world and these three great girls, then at least I can be content knowing that it was a fun ride 😊

[inmyownmhis]

The Morning After - Part 2 (with @BuyMyBlood & @HowBoutDemWings)

- When Lassiter’s hand dropped, I wasted no time in taking him up on the assist, surprised again when he didn’t let go. Of course, given my anti social lifestyle, maybe this was the norm.  

Those eyes, they grounded me but they were also appraising, like he was searching for some kind of in with me. Normally the scrutiny would have me bolting.

But this wasn’t normal. I had a damn angel in my yard, a back from the dead female in my house and I had fed her. When Dorothy woke up, she was short a tin man and rancid was the first word that fell from her lips.

Fuck. Fuck.

I was about to fall into the abyss but then Lassiter’s words pulled me back up for air. There was something in his tone that had me at attention, it held command but the undercurrent was soothing.

Angel Mojo for a thousand, Alex.

I listened to what he said, even though I’d heard it before, but this time the words started to take root. The seeds of doubt had been planted, watered, fertilized and been exposed to a hearty dose of Vitamin D when it came to thoughts on my blood. My eyes closed without my permission but only in brief when Lassiter brushed over the spot he had healed with that suffusing warmth, and then without explanation, he took me into his arms. His whispered words brought back those things I had just shut down when I was ass to grass.

I had helped him. Maybe it wasn’t as weighted as I’d first imagined it to be, but only a fool would think a short exchange could make up for decades of damage due to daddy’s rejection.

Was there hope for more of that in life if I stuck around on this rotating sphere in the sky?

Let’s not go that far, Jagger.    

I nearly forgot I was in his arms until he snapped back to go-mode, releasing me then indicating he was about to head into the house. When he disappeared, my thoughts roamed over our entire exchange. I was confounded by my own responses to him, not really getting why I submitted so easily to the physical advances, when normally...

Right. Not normal.

I made sure my wits were firmly planted in my shitkickers before making my own return to the house after a bit. One way or another, things were about to be laid bare in black and white.  The oddest thing striking me before I walked in the door.

I wanted Lassiter to be right.-

Ambellina:

~So much happened in but a few moments, I found I was unable to keep up with the weight of it all as my mental faculties continued to come back online. In the time it took me to push myself to an upright position on the couch I had been placed upon, many more things happened. The male vampire whose blood the flavour of dark chocolate still lingered upon mine lips and tongue began to lose his own mind while the other with WINGS?! was yelling for me to reassure him. I wasn’t sure how and frankly, it was all too much for someone in my current state. I needed processing time. I opened my mouth to say as much but all that came out was a weak excuse of a croak, further displaying my current bout of incompetence.~ I… I’m sorry. I need...

~As I struggled to speak, time for processing came to me without having requested it when the male I realized was called Jagger abruptly left the house. A bright stream of sunlight poured inside only briefly but it landed directly in the spot my head had laid only moments ago. The astonished angel followed Jagger outside, slamming the door shut behind him. Is that what he was? I rubbed my eyes with the heels of my palms in an attempt to scrub away the cobwebs. That’s when the panic of what had just happened before my eyes registered. Had Jagger just taken his own life?! Certainly not. I hoped. The strength his blood afforded to my battered body sung within my veins and I could feel he remained very much alive just on the other side of the door. How blessed by the Scribe Virgin he was to be capable of daywalking.

A pang of jealousy rose up, but not for long. Realization slammed into me like Rhancid had when he took me down in that hotel. I hadn’t checked in... with either Ghiselle nor my doggen. Both parties would be worried by now, undeniably. I needed to call them immediately. Shaky hands dug into the pockets of my overcoat, searching for my cell phone. All I could find was my beloved ornate compact, and I didn’t dare open it to see the state my appearance was in. Absolutely not. I could feel I was far worse for wear.

In the other pocket, the card Ghiselle had given me with Jagger’s name and address written in her loopy cursive was staring up at me. What a twist of fate things had turned into. I didn’t know a single Jagger Rhuin which I reasoned the one of the card was the same who had saved my life. That only meant his blood sacrifice had put him in even more of a defect if Ghiselle’s friend had given her the correct information about him refusing to feed. And I had taken from him. Far too much.~

Oh, Scribe Virgin in the fade...what have I done?!

~Panic rose and bile burned my throat as I dry heaved under the weight of the situation. All the while, anger continued to boil my insides. All of this could have been prevented if I had only succeeded at doling out my revenge. Failure had never been something I allowed to be associated with myself. But that would be my burden to bear moving forward. Correcting my mistakes would start in the now.

Just as I managed to get a grip of all that had happened the angel reappeared as if he could dematerialize. Time to show him exactly who Ambellina Newo was, my first impression was not what I’d prefer so the second was going to have to make due. On weak legs, I stood and lifted my chin, finally finding my voice.~ He needs to feed. Jagger. The card in my pocket...I sell my blood...he needs to feed! ~Stuttering thoughts and incomplete sentences was not something I had ever been accustomed to displaying so the second attempt at a good impression wasn’t up to par however, the winged male fortunately seemed to pick up on what I was trying to get across.~

Lassiter:

<As I reformed inside Jagger’s house, the female still appeared weak despite the blood she had taken from Jagger. Her determination when she spoke and the effort it appeared to take for her to get vertical was admirable and helped to tamp down the irate lecture I had prepared only moments ago. Thankfully, while I had been outside dealing with Jagger she apparently found her wits as well. Small miracles, they were a real thing.

Early celebrating was cut off by some holy shit news when she shared what she did for a living and that Jagger needed to feed. I didn’t know all that much about how the whole vamp feeding business worked so I nodded to appease her and assumed she was simply referring to his loss at having saved her. In my mind, I had a bigger Big Mac to fry up and spoke quickly to her before Jagger joined us, more concerned over the apology she needed to make.> Look, he thinks his blood was foul and rancid as you called it. You need to tell him-

<My words cut off as Jagger opened the door and immediately a silence filled the triangle of space between us for only a couple of seconds, just long enough for what I hoped the female needed to realize what I had been trying to convey to her but could no longer finish saying. I nudged her in his direction with my wing, nodding in encouragement and praying silently that she was able to correct the damage her careless words had caused earlier.> Jagger, Blondie has something to tell you.

Jagger

-The scene had changed again. Same players. Same set. Whole different act. The female was upright and they both had been talking before I came in the door but promptly shut up on my entry.

Strategizing session over.

She definitely looked better, albeit wobbly, and on cue I was hit with a wave of my own dizziness to mirror her unsteady.

Shit.

Shrugging off my own sitch, I took long strides over to her, bypassing Lassiter because I was worried she wasn’t long for the vertical world. Seeing her like that was too reminiscent of my mother and the countless times she had relied on my aid, though she fought against it heartily. She never wanted the appearance of being weak or reliant, and I had learned to accommodate that. This was some kind of déjà-screw-you because I’d tried my best to forget those times, focusing instead on the better shades of my past with her. This female, though, she was a living, breathing flashback with all of her willowy beauty and the colors of fading bruises that marred her otherwise flawless skin. Too many times I had bore witness to the evidence of my father’s temper. Too many times I cursed my physical inability to confront him and protect my mother. My only solace was found in helping her and the desire to do so with this female welled from those same depths, the ones personal experience had fostered.  I did my damndest to remain unimposing while I loomed next to her then spoke quietly between the three of us.-

Please. Sit. Please. -I breathed a sigh of relief when she relented without putting up a fight, but there was a telling flicker in her eyes to give the impression she’d thought about resistance.-

Tell me your name? Unless it’s actually Blondie, in which case we may have something in common.

-Where’d that come from? I’d never been one to make myself relatable or quip.  I shot a glance Lassiter’s way, completely convinced it was the short time in which we’d been hanging out that I’d picked it up. Kneeling down, my gaze landed back on the female, giving her the chance to say what she had to say. I hoped like hell I could stomach the repercussions of saving her life.-

Ambellina:

~Dread and upset had taken up residence within my stomach, replacing the bile that had previously moved out. How could I not realize the mistake I had made. Granted, at the time I was only just coming back to awareness and I was simply speaking that which was fresh upon my mind, however, I had insulted the male who had saved mine life. As Ghiselle called it, I had plenty of damage control to do, and in a bad way, particularly if I was going to be able to convince this same male to allow me to return the favour of my vein.

I had my work cut out for me. I had not a clue where to start fortunately, the angel seemed to pick up on my delay and nudged me toward Jagger, he in turn guided me back to the couch asking that I sit. All the places I could have been back in control and correcting my missteps were a fail.

Jagger’s question and subsequent joke were what snapped me back from the spiralling mess of self-critique and back into the present. Back to where I could have another chance at returning to the Ambellina Newo I had carefully crafted over the years. As he knelt in front of me and the angel kept a safe distance, I assumed to not impose, I straightened my spine and held my head high while cautiously brushing my matted and dirty hair from my face. I refused to wince when my fingers ran over a particularly painful bruise at my eye and found myself grateful Jagger’s blood had begun to help the swelling enough that I could see his face through both eyes. I didn’t dare to let my fingers dip lower to the bite mark that still smarted on my throat.

Closer inspection clued me into the uncertainty of the situation that he was trying so very hard to not get lost in. Boy wasn’t he right in us having something in common. A weak laugh bubbled up at that thought before I got back on track. Time to do what I did best, take control.~ No, that is not my name. ~My eyes darted over to the angel only for but a second so that he knew the nickname had been accepted, begrudgingly.~

My name is Ambellina Newo. And your blood is in no way rancid. It was quite the opposite and rather hearty for someone who hasn’t fed in quite some time. ~My brow lifted knowingly before continuing on to explain, hoping he wouldn’t feel so bad when I was finished.~

The male who attacked me. Rhancid. That is his name. I had gone to his hotel to… it matters not. ~My head shook to rid the images that flashed behind closed lids.~ Things went bad then he got the upper hand and...I am not sure how but, here I am. You have saved me from the Fade and I will forever be grateful to your blood sacrifice, especially for someone you did not know. I wish to repay my debt. Please, allow me. ~my gaze dropped down to my wrist where I began to push back the sleeve of my coat, lifting it in offering to Jagger.~

Jagger

-It took her a minute but then she spoke, giving up the name. It was a damn good fit for her. Ambellina Newo. Strong but something delicate lurking under the smooth and refined surface. Even with the marks that looked like she'd been bested but only after exhausting every round in the ring, she was poised. Porcelain personified. Everything else rolled down like an avalanche. Relief like a cold splash of water to the face when she said my blood wasn't rancid and...other things that I shrugged off as circumstantial considering the taste of death she'd had. Amusement at her raised brow, clearly an "I've got your number" kind of thing, but she didn't know I'd already figured that one. She also didn't know that I'd gotten Lassiter's own version several times over. All it took were leading words of "the male who attacked me," for the world to flip on its axis. The shift was rapid. Anger searing through my veins in the form of boiling blood. Her elegant tone poured past her lips, recounting a few details undeserving of her manner of speaking. Rhancid. I shot Lassiter a look meant to be one of concession to his assumption. He earned whatever ego pump it gave him. No time to celebrate relief. Nope. The momentary sample was swallowed up by hearing that she had been savagely attacked. I didn't give one flying fuck what she'd been there for. No female should have that to pen into their memories. None. My growl was unintended but offered up its presence anyway. The male deserved death served up cold. Slow. Merciless. I registered an ache in my knuckles only to look down and... Hello fist. Relief. Amusement. Anger. But she wasn't done yet. Before there was any time for me to launch into any kind of demanding more so I could find the piece of shit, she was onto her gratitude and wanting to return the favor. Panic. I recoiled from her wrist before she had even pulled up the curtain. She intend to put an end to my steady diet of nothing. I scurried backwards, stuttering as I tried to find words and came up fail.- I can't... Thank you, Ambellina, for your gracious offer. But I can't. -I didn't dare look over at the angel. My blood wasn't rancid...but that didn't fix the fuck ton of history that I was saddled with. Mine all mine. I couldn't do this. Not now, maybe not ever.-

Ambellina:

~Jagger’s reaction came as a surprise to me, his fierce anger and accompanying growl was a match to that of mine own only days ago after I had left that horrific night where Rhancid tried to use me as arm candy. It was interesting that he took such immediate offence on my behalf when he didn’t even know me. My eyes darted over to the angel who happened to be staring at a space between Jagger and myself, a look of something akin to what I could only guess as hesitant surprise. I followed the path of his gaze to find Jagger’s fists were clenched so tight his knuckles had lost all blood flow and were a white comparable to the angel’s eyes.

Then things fell apart. I offered my wrist and he fell back, trying to get away from me faster than the Glymera disowned a female who was past her mating prime. Insult felt heavy in my stomach along with confusion. I was unused to this brand of rejection. My bloodline was strong and while that was still my secret, I was the one all the males sought out to feed from.

Sure, I wasn’t looking my usual pristine. Perhaps Jagger had a shower I could borrow to help with that and wash away the scent of Rhancid on my skin. Maybe then my offer wouldn’t be as offensive as Jagger was making it out to be.

After collecting my thoughts and clearing my throat,

I dropped my hand that remained still hanging in the air between us back into my lap. My voice was soft but not without conviction.~ You can’t? I do not understand. I am not accustomed to being declined and I realize I’m not in my best state currently. Perhaps I can use your restroom to freshen up?

~I smoothed my hands over my coat, trying to straighten it on my shoulders then attempted to help the lost cause of my matted and blood-stained hair before looking to the angel for help. Why was he so quiet when only moments ago he had no problem telling me exactly what I needed to do. When it was clear he wasn’t coming to my rescue again, I chalked it up to having used my single Saved-by-an-Angel card. Sighing in exhaustion, I looked back over at Jagger.~ No need to escort me. I can find the facilities myself.

Jagger:

-Freshen up, yes! That would buy me some minutes to condense my family history, package it up and present it in a way she’d understand. The pang of confusion on Ambellina’s face was clearly laced with hurt of some variety. I hadn’t meant to offend. The male population was really serving up this female and not in the way she deserved.

Scrambling again, this time to my feet, my strides were quick, while I untied my tongue in an effort to do some damage control.-

Ambellina I-- meant no offense. It is not your appearance, it’s not you. I’m just not worthy of the vein. Not yours, not any female’s. My bloodline… is no good.

I’ll explain… but please, you’ve only just awoken from a nightmare. Would you like a bath? I’ve got a clawfoot in the master. -raising my hand to scrub over the top of my head and back to where tension gathered in my neck, out of my element would be putting it lightly and I didn’t know if the suggestion toed the line of appropriate, bloody hell.-  I could get you a change of clothes, or set you up in one of the guest rooms for some shut eye.

We are on lockdown until the moon rolls in, so we’ve got time.

-It felt wrong that even if she wanted to, Ambellina couldn’t leave thanks to daylight, sunshine had to be a dude. Speaking of, Lassiter’s silence was unnerving as fuck. Where was his mouth when I needed it? I was doing a bang up job with my ramble of suggestions and it sure as hell showed that my comfort zone was nowhere to be found. Anxiety had decided to hitch a ride on my wagon to hell; the more the merrier my ass. If Rod Serling didn’t show up to announce my entry into the Twilight Zone soon, we were headed into another episode because the time slot was almost up.-