#and also really nervous
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everyone be quiet i'm manifesting
#the bad batch#tbb#star wars#star wars the bad batch#sw tbb#tbb omega#tbb wrecker#tbb crosshair#tbb echo#tbb tech#tbb hunter#mods art#mods draws#my art#YAYYYYY ITS DONE#i've been tinkering w this for like a couple weeks now i think#just on and off#whenever i was nervous about their fates or just generally sad about them i would work on this#it was supposed to make me feel better but it would usually just make me more sad 😭😭#but i still really like how it turned out!!! so that's cool#very self indulgent but!!! whatever#i think i'll add this to my inprnt soon too :) so keep a look out for that i guess lol#okay byeeeeee#ALSO THE NEW EP WAS SO GOOD#okay bye fr
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Come join the DTIYS!
HAPPY 6666 FOLLOWERS!! :D hehe Gaster number...
Woah...I know I say it a lot but... I'm super happy... A year ago I returned to working on this AU, in October actually!! So it really was a year ago :0! And since then, this account has grown SO MUCH! When I returned I was at 600 followers and now we're here AND THE COMIC IS ACTUALLY REAL! IT'S NOT JUST AN IDEA ANYMORE!! WOAH.... So happy to be finally sharing this with you all :D Thank you for sticking around!
Check the rules for the DTIYS below:
Okay so!!! DRAW THIS IN YOUR STYLE WOHOOO
RULES:
You can use the hashtag #forgettableDTIYS (I'm surprised that tag isn't used yet lol) And please tag me, I would love to see everything :D
You can change the perspective, poses, colors, as long as the main idea is still clear!
No tracing and no AI
There is no deadline! This isn't a competition, it's just for fun :D You can join whenever you want
Here's the background on it's own in case someone needs it hehe:
#This was fun to draw#i tried to imitate the undertale concept art style#it's very pretty#the colors are gorgeous and the shapes are very simple#and this is how it turned out hehe#ALSO??APPARENTLY IT TOOK ME 8 HOURS???WHAT??#I really need to check how long it take me to draw full pieces#ANYWAYS#SUPER HAPPY BECAUSE 6666 FOLLOWERS IS CRAZY#I've never hosted a dtiys before...so nervous....#draw this in your style#dtiys#undertale#undertale au#papyrus#gaster#forgettableDTIYS
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i had a dream last night that i organized a tumblr meetup and we all agreed to go to a local bar together. so i go to the bar but it was a really busy night and i didn't want to ask every stranger "are u here for tumblr reasons" bc that's embarrassing and i'm shy. so i just got a drink and felt very awkward & hoped someone would approach me. tried to look inviting and like i was from tumblr but not like i was "from tumblr". when i left some girl stopped me to ask if i was there for the meetup but i was too shy and asked what's tumblr?
in the dream i went home to make a post about how nobody showed up to the tumblr meetup but my entire dash was people saying they'd gone to the bar but were too fucking shy to admit to being on tumblr so we'd all just had a drink and gone home
#i have very vivid usually very logical dreams due to my ptsd#i'm skipping the part where i was really nervous about what to wear bc i didn't want to wear the wrong thing#also the drinks were all pink & with umbrellas . also after this in the dream there was this guy#who had been there in a chicken costume and was ''funny'' but then he was always outside my window#down the street . in the store. etc.#just standing there . moving like he was drowning. he kept signing that he was choking#and i was too scared to help while his feathers .... floating and bloated in the dry air#.... while he begged me with his weird puffy wings. silently. choking and choking and choking. his toes barely touching down#and meanwhile im like sorry dude i gotta jump on tumblr to talk about this bar experience#dream me: okay the drowning on dry land chicken guy is fine. but i draw the line at social anxiety
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OLYMPIAN GODS
HADES (dev. Supergiant Games)
#hades#hades game#hadesedit#gamingedit#indieedit#gameplaydaily#dailygaming#userrose#tuserrae#creatormari#usercynti#usermbg#usersarah#wlwaerith#vindicia#*hades#*gif#help i'm so nervous about posting this >.<#but also really proud! it's my first time making this sort of gifset
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Eimmet High...temmiE high. OMG!
Part 28 || First || Previous || Next...(Hiatus)
--Full Series--
Next update may take...much longer! I have finals and an internship and not to mention I have to draw- A LOT :')
#Golly!#this is a shorter update but I wanted it to be that way. We've been in the house for a while. It's time to change some scenery!!#Chara using their game narrator voice like “golly!” and “amazing!”#Eimmet high :)) i was really hoping to be able to reference Temmie Chang here. An integral part of UT/DR!! She's awesome!#WE ARE OFFICIALLY ON Day 2 BABY#yes- there is still a little everyman easter egg as well as some other things... ;)#I tried so many new and different things for these panels. I was a little nervous implementing them. But im having a lot of fun with it!#i try to put my own artistic enjoyment above all other things :) its what I strive for.#Angle's landing day! excited for the festivities!#Chara is feeling stabby :)#loved detailing Chara's hand in the last page. When I detail the hands- just know shits getting real#I'm really happy with how I was able to redraw Toriel here. She showed up in the second part and that was it for 2 years -w-#so even if she's not a major character- I wanted to give her some good screen time <3#I did not make the Darkworld “Mayor” just for that one joke....but dang did it fit perfectly.#these 4 pages took longer than I wanted. I got burnt out with school and then finals came!!! AND ALSO EMAILS q-q#deltarune chara timeline#deltarune chara timeline comic#chara#asriel#kris#susie#toriel#tw cursing#cw cursing
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back at it again with the viet beam feat. jackpot combo against the king!
#in stars and time#isat#isat spoilers#isat act 3 spoilers#act 3 spoilers#just in case#okay everyone please smack me if i gotta make that gif bigger#bc i never really made gifs before and im nervous about it#anyways im very normal about this game#and i definitely dont spend too much time rethinking their designs to be a blend of european and viet fashion#its what i wanted to do initially which is why odile has that coat but i got carried away with isabeau and mirabelle#i know its for fun but also what if fashion informs the world#idly kicks a rock#ill come up with more designs later#the draws#if you saw me reupload this no u didnt
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post-canon siffrin design!!!! might change it up more of course but!!!! yeah!!!!
he does HAVE something to represent odile and bonnie too,,, it's not just his partners (romantic & queerplatonic), he's got his family too, i just don't know where to put them yet :) so for now assume he is carrying them in his multitude of pockets!!
#paper craft#isat#in stars and time#siffrin#isat siffrin#isat fanart#isat spoilers#spoilers#yknow!!! jic!!! i mean it's post-canon so not really but i mean...#anyways i'm nervous posting thi one but i wanna try n post my arts anyways so o7!!!!!#it... is to be determined if i'll draw this design a whole lot bc i am anxiety : ) but!! this is a lil design in my hea.d....#also siffrin does wear His bonding earring (the simple star stud) but wear's loop and isa's on his belt bc he doesn't actually like earring#in his ears* BC LIKE... IDK. THE AUTISM. but he likes the symbolism of it all so he'll still keep their bonding earring and have his gay li#stud <3#aaaaalso fun fact his lil without-cloak design is so painfully reminescent of my dnd character;s designs :)#bc i project onto both#and they're both rogues#teehee!!!
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Industrations boobless era so soon…
#thursday#is the day#already throwing up and crying im so nervous#but also excited#sorry for not really being around for a few days :(
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i've been thinking about exactly why people portraying one of the other crew members successfully killing Jimmy as a "for what you did to Anya" kind of thing rubs me the wrong way a bit and it's because like..... this is just another form of taking agency away from Anya, in a way. it's kind of framing her as some meek, shivery woman-thing who's entirely at the mercy of the men around her, either to hurt her or save her.
(i understand these are mostly for wish fulfillment on the audience's behalf because everyone would like to see Jimmy pay for his crimes. whether or not this is the intention of the person writing it isn't really relevant, characterization happens with or without intent. i feel like it misses the point by portraying it as an 'ideal ending'.)
because... Anya is a capable person. she takes things into her own hands when she can. it was partially(?) her idea to get into the cargo,
(before he interrupts her.. remember when she interrupted Curly in the dead pixel segment?)
it was her idea to get the code scanner from the cockpit,
it was her idea to get the medication from behind the foam.
(the chance to do these things herself is not given to her.)
she'd been keeping Curly alive for months in a critical state somehow, her psych evaluations at the start are only so useless because Jimmy refuses to take it/her seriously and Curly is obviously biased when he puts it into his own hands. he's known him a long time, like he said. "I'll just put good for that one."
there's not a lot of material to work with because of how the game is framed, but it's there. we are working with two very biased perspectives and neither one lends Anya what she deserves
there's significant changes in how she speaks post- and pre- crash, and depending on who she happens to be talking to. i recommend re-reading her dialogue, because the difference is drastic
she acts the way she does around Jimmy because he has tangibly done horrible things to her, is actively hostile, and physically could not escape him by any means. she can't take away Curly's agency herself, in my eyes. you have to remember that Especially in the post-crash segments of the game, it's entirely from Jimmy's POV, and he obviously does not (and has never) thought very highly of her or treated her with a shred of respect
i've seen a general idea that she can't bear to hurt other people for any reason, but that doesn't really track to me. this is the real point of the post by the way
it seems based on the parts where she says she struggles to give Curly medication. "It just hurts him so much, I can't stand the noise." "It makes me nauseous."
it's not really the same thing as, say, hurting someone in self defense
this sounds like she did want the gun itself. this never felt worded like someone who would refuse to, at very least, threaten Jimmy with a gun, with violence. if she had been given the agency to make that decision on her own. she wasn't though
she still tries to reclaim some of it even as she's denied it
by the end she's still trying to keep that gun out of his hands
i think some people overly soften her, for similar reasons the game itself is trying to comment on. she's not a tender victim who couldn't cause pain to another out of the softness of her soul, she's a person who's had every last bit of agency ripped from her repeatedly until she couldn't take it anymore. that's the point. that's why framing her that way, "needing" someone to save her, is odd to me
she didn't need Curly to save her, she needed him to take responsibility
she didn't want to escalate things, but she's not an idiot. self defense was absolutely on her mind
but who knows im just saying shit *smiles serenely*
#dib noise#mouthwashing#sorryyyyyyyyy lol#i will defend you anya o7#its been fun to roll this game around in my brain. gives me something to do#long post#could be reaching though. it's unfortunate so much of her screentime is hammering home how poorly jimmy regards her#or her being scared/nervous in his presence#or trying to placate him#yes i know that's the point#are my feelings on how anya is treated by the the characters the fans and the game itself weirdly personal? yeah sorry#unfortunately i do think they didn't get the anya parts as solidly as the rest but oh well#everything has flaws#i've gone through a playthrough of this game like 10 times for this#you KNOW im sourcing my claims!!#not really an attack on the people who made the stuff i mentioned at the start#more of a commentary on how they relate with the source material itself#yes yes i know giving a crewmate a lethal weapon is probably not the best idea to curly#does that make this situation any less horrifying?#remember: these aren't real people. everything they do was written on purpose for a reason#i still need to write down my general thoughts on the game as a whole..#also not about one specific person post image writing ect it's a collection of things and ideas thrown onto one post#I'm not any good at ending posts like thase it kind of devolves by yhe end but thats ok
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Cold Love/Hot Blood
Miguel O’Hara x female reader
Summary: “Between teeth on a broken jaw/following a bloodtrail, frothing at the maw”
Miguel is struck with something that he’s never experienced before
Tags/warnings: smut (18+), oneshot, dubcon by way of pheromones, fingering, overstimulation, squirting, rough sex, unprotected sex, breeding kink, size kink, feral Miguel, biting, marking, blood drinking, paralytic venom
Wordcount: 3k
Ao3 link here
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You opened your eyes, blinking at the soft light from the bleary haze. Wincing, you raised your hand to your head. It didn't necessarily hurt, but it definitely felt wrong. What had happened? You were on a mission. That's right. And it had been going so well, until… until the anomaly villain threw something at you and Miguel. What was it? It had such an awful smell to it. And, where was Miguel?
You traversed the rubble of the abandoned building you were in. You couldn't see him. You shouted out for him.
"Here, I'm here," you heard him from the distance. Following his voice, you found him under some pieces of sheetrock from a collapsed wall. He was pinching the bridge of his nose through his mask.
"Geez, Miguel, are you alright?"
"Been better." His voice sounded strained. "Got a transmission from Jess that she's got hands on the anomaly. We'll meet her back at HQ. You go on ahead of me."
"What? No, we have to-" you started grabbing at the rubble to pull it off of him. He caught your arm before you could keep lifting.
"Please," he said, trying to meet your eyes from behind his mask. "Just go."
"What the hell is going on, Miguel? You're not… you're not acting right. We have to get you out of here."
He brought his hands up, holding his head in frustration. "Please, just do it. Don't make me beg."
"LYLA, please check him," you said, the avatar popping up and saluting you.
"No, don't-!" He tried to catch her in the air but she evaded him.
"His heart rate is really elevated but he seems okay otherwise. I think he's being dramatic. I don't detect any major injuries," she reported. You thanked her and she disappeared.
You crouched down to where he was. "What's going on, Miguel?" Your tone was serious.
He tried to hold your gaze for a moment until he swore and looked away. "That bomb that the anomaly threw… it affected me in a way that it clearly didn't affect anyone else, alright? Are you happy now?"
You furrowed your brow. "I don't understand."
He sighed, his breath shaking ever so slightly. "Itwasapheromonebomb." He said it so quickly and quietly.
"...What?"
"It was a pheromone bomb. Just leave me here so I can wait it out. This is so shocking humiliating- I," he sighed again. "Don't make me explain any further."
You blushed, not sure what to say. But you couldn't leave him like that, half-buried and vulnerable. "Can I at least help you up…? I promise I won't make fun of you. I just can't leave you defenseless like this."
He seethed for a moment, considering your offer. "...Fine. Grab this stupid sheetrock."
You did so, lifting it off of him with some effort. He did his best to stand up quickly. Despite his best, though, you could see the source of his embarrassment. He had a rock hard erection, and a particularly desperate one, by the looks of it. It laid upward, reaching towards his abdomen and pushing up against the tight fabric of his suit, straining. The size of him was nothing short of impressive.
You turned your gaze pointedly towards the ground as he moved away from the pile of rubble. Don't react don't react don't react. Could you pretend like you didn't notice? Even though not noticing was impossible, even from a single glance? You swallowed a lump in your throat, your head swimming with unprofessional thoughts.
Miguel turned from you, crouching down, hissing out a slow breath. "Fuck, it's getting worse," he whispered to himself, his body starting to tremble.
You took a step closer, reaching a hand out to his shoulder.
"Your proximity isn't… isn't helping." He admitted without turning around.
You stopped, silently moving your hand away from him. Touching him would surely make things harder.
"Miguel, I don't think waiting it out is an option for you. You just said it was getting worse."
He swore under his breath to himself. "I didn't mean for you to hear that. This is- shock it- this is completely foreign to me. Never been hit by anything like this before, it's s-so intense."
You winced at that, you'd never heard his voice so pained. But, what was the other option? You shivered just to think about it, your body reacting in ways that surprised you. How could you possibly propose helping him without making him think less of you? Would he even want help from you? Across from you, he was in turmoil, on his hands and knees trying desperately to control his breathing.
“Miguel… how can I help you?” It was a foolish question, a loaded question.
“You know the answer,” he replied from over his shoulder, his tone cold. He cried out again. “I- I can’t- can’t do that to you.”
“What if I’m offering?” You asked, a little too quickly, pushing down your fear and embarrassment for even thinking such things.
He turned further to meet your eyes, though you still couldn’t see his from behind the mask. You didn’t even need to see his eyes, his body language was communicating perfectly on their behalf. His muscles were pent up and quivering. Every breath rocked his massive shoulders. “Why?”
You didn’t think he’d ask that question. You searched your brain for an answer. “Because it isn’t your fault. And I respect you enough that this won’t change my mind.”
His thoughts seemed to be diverting to his baser instincts, his voice becoming a growl. “Need you… to be sure. Don’t know if I’ll be able to stop.”
“I’m sure,” you said.
In no time at all, he pounced, bringing you to the ground. He was on top of you, his taloned fingers caging in your wrists against the cracked concrete of the floor, your arms above your head. You landed with your legs apart and with him between them, his hips desperately close to yours. Your eyes widened at his feral energy, your chest rising and falling as you tried to catch your breath. He brought his face into the crook of your neck, inhaling. His exhale was shaky. “You smell so good… always smelled so good.”
Your body grew hot upon hearing that. Always? Had he thought about you in that way before? You smiled to yourself as he nuzzled the nose of his masked face into your neck, his hot breath coming through and ghosting over your skin. You could feel his huge frame shaking around you. He brought his hips down to your pelvis, seemingly being as cautious as possible as he began to grind his hardened length against you. His breath quickened at the contact, and he met you again with fervor, stimulating himself on you. His cock was unbelievably hard and hot, the temperature of him coming through both of your suits to meet your skin and overwhelm you. The feeling of him against you was sending shivers down your spine, the pleasant pressure made even sweeter by the promise of more to come. He positioned himself on top of you in such a way that each rhythmic, grinding rock found your clit and teased it with clothed contact.
You moaned lightly, the sound of it causing him to growl into your neck. You lifted your hips up, meeting him with the same tempo so he could grind into you more thoroughly, your bodies now writhing in tandem. His heavy breathing became panting. "Need to… need to touch you." He picked up his head and released your wrists, one hand steadying himself on the concrete, the other reaching down eagerly.
You got the memo, quickly slipping the pants of your suit down and throwing them aside so he wouldn't rip them off for you. You had at least enough hindsight to know you couldn't go back to HQ looking so disheveled. He dismissed the gloves of his suit and retracted his talons as his fingers found you immediately, honing in on the wet heat of your sex. Two plunged inside as he loomed above you, his muscles shaking again as he wet his fingers with your arousal. You shook right alongside him, your reaction bodily, as your back arched and your legs closed instinctively to hold his hand in place and not let him go. His fingers hooked inside of you, already relentless.
"Soaked," he whispered, almost to himself. The word resonated with a deep, animalistic hunger. Without removing his fingers from your warmth, he sat back on his knees and used his free hand to pry your legs open. "Need to see," he said. He watched the length of his fingers disappear over and over. The large hand that kept your legs wide was squeezing the soft flesh of your inner thigh, and he seemed fixated on the way it was yielding to his rough touches. Nearly everyone was small compared to Miguel, but you… you were different. He had his hands on you, inside of you, the comparison was tangible. You were small, soft, and his. His mind swam with how he would take you, how he would sheath himself inside of you until he bottomed out, how he would desperately fill you with his hot cum and hold your hips up to keep any precious drops from leaking out. It took everything in him to not reach down and start rubbing his impatient cock through his suit, but his fevered brain convinced him to keep his free hand on your leg so he could watch you fall apart from his fingers alone.
He was delirious as your walls started to spasm around his fingers, white hot pleasure pooling in your core, threatening to overflow as he kept up his efforts. The constriction of your muscles bolstered him, and he began to go faster and harder, starting to overstimulate you. You threw your head back, hands wildly trying to grasp at something on the concrete floor but coming up short. He removed his hand from your throbbing sex to start teasing your clit with abandon, and you moaned as your body lifted up off the floor.
"H-holy shit, Miguel," you gasped out. "It's- it's so much."
His hand moved so fast against your swollen clit that you could hardly think. The feeling was electric, and your orgasm was dangerously close. Your legs started to shake and tried to close around him again, but he kept them forced open as he intently watched, his chest rising and falling with quick breaths. You came and it utterly racked you, your body shuddering as you cried out, hot liquid spewing from you and drenching Miguel's hand and forearm. You squirted on him, because of him. You thought you should be embarrassed, but he gave you no opportunity.
As your head just started to clear, he recalled his mask into the neck of his suit. You quietly gasped at unexpectedly seeing his face. So strong, angular, and handsome. His red eyes looked wild, his mouth was open, his fangs fully extended. He studied his hand, turning it over so the mess you made could catch the light. As it started to dry down on him, he brought the two fingers that had been inside of you up to his mouth, and he licked them both clean. You gaped at him, almost fully unable to process what was happening.
When he was finished, he turned his gaze from his fingers and back onto you, as you sat up on your elbows to watch him. You saw that his cock was still as hard as ever, still pushing to break free. As if reading your mind, he recalled that part of his suit too as he grabbed your legs and yanked you toward him. He rested his cock over your abdomen, once again reveling in just how much bigger than you he was. The hot weight of his manhood on your skin set you ablaze once more and you eagerly awaited him. He thrusted but without penetrating you, sliding himself over you and wetting his cock on your cum. His exhales quaked with anticipation until he could wait no longer. Even on his knees, he towered over you, and so he needed to tilt your hips up further so your entrance could meet the head of his leaking cock. He shifted his grip to your waist, holding firm as you steadied yourself on your elbows and looked to him with bated breath.
He slowly pushed his hips into you, his cock sinking deep into your pussy. The steady penetration had you reeling. You needed to feel him, all of him. Every inch, all at once. It felt like it took ages for him to finally reach the hilt, but when he did, he waited inside of you for a brief, merciful moment. You basked in the feeling of being so full, so complete. He began to pull himself out of you, leaving you cold and empty for a split second until he slammed his entire length back into you, repeating and repeating at an unwavering pace.
Each powerful thrust reached so deep inside of you that it was nearly painful. Immediately, the head of his cock found your cervix and was hitting it with each hard pump that Miguel delivered. Your eyelids grew heavy as your eyes began to roll back towards your skull. His onslaught was so thorough, every smack of his hips against your pelvis reverberating through every inch of your body. The overstimulation of when he fingerfucked you had carried over, and you were already close to losing control all over again. He felt it too, as he growled in response to your pulsating walls.
"This cunt…." He snarled through his fangs. "This cunt is mine."
"Yours," you moaned, meeting his words a little too quickly.
"Going to mark you… so everyone knows."
"Mark me, Miguel." You agreed, not quite realizing what he meant. He started to lay you down onto the ground without removing himself from you, continuing to fuck you in missionary as he brought his face down to the crook of your neck. Your pulse quickened with excitement. He opened his mouth, his breath making your skin somehow even warmer. You wished that you could've seen the flash of his fangs before what came next.
He bit down on you, hard, and you could feel the course of his venom like molten lava through your veins. When the searing heat reached its crest, a soothing wash of warmth followed in its wake, leaving your muscles loosened and relaxed. Blood started to drip down your shoulder, the wet trickle quickly cooling as it made contact with the atmosphere. Miguel stayed latched to you as his tongue met your skin, lapping at the red stream, determined to consume it all.
You submitted to him fully, allowing him to position you how he saw fit so he could fulfill his feral need. His strong hands snaked around your torso to your back, lifting you up with him as he rocked back onto his knees. He helped you to swing your legs around his slim waist and to drape your arms over his huge shoulders. You let your face settle against his neck, the clean musky smell of him overwhelming your senses. His hands found your hips and he effortlessly lifted you up and down on his cock, fucking himself with your pussy like you weighed nothing at all. You moaned into him as you clenched around his cock, your limp body succumbing to the overpowering feeling of him. You started to shudder as your orgasm claimed you with a white-knuckled grip. You whined into Miguel's neck as it hit you with shock after shock, your vision going spotty while your cunt tightened around him.
He couldn't hold it any longer, and his cock jerked inside of you as he came. You were still getting hit with aftershocks of your own climax, your muscles bearing down to milk every drop of cum that he filled you with. He held you closer and he thrusted himself as far into you as he possibly could, instinctively trying to make sure as little seed would have the chance to leak out of you as possible.
Your muscle control started to slowly come back to you as you and Miguel were chest-to-chest, both of you sweating and heaving. You weakly raised your arms so your hands could tangle with the hair at the nape of his neck. You lingered there for a bit, his strong arms holding you in the place as you played with soft locks of chocolate hair. You finally leaned back to see clarity slowly returning to Miguel's expression, and he looked utterly mortified. He held your gaze as he turned red, removing one hand from your body so he could cover his face.
"Oh my God," he whispered. "What the shock came over me?"
You were struck with sudden fear. "Do you… not remember?" The fact that he was still buried inside you should've been a dead giveaway.
"No, I do," he said, nervously. "I remember getting hit with that stupid bomb, and you helping me, then me wanting to split you in half."
You couldn't help but giggle at that.
"I tried to make sure I wasn't too rough with you. I was still in there, the whole time," he said, taking his hand away from his face to smooth your hair. He stopped when he reached your neck, seeing the bite marks he left. "Guess I didn't do all that well, did I?"
"It's fine. I can take it."
"Clearly," he said, raising his eyebrows, mildly impressed. "Thank you. I… don't know what I would have gone through if you hadn't been so… generous. But… for God’s sake, let’s not go around telling people what happened. We have reputations.”
You agreed, the secret safe between the two of you, the puncture wounds on your neck a silent souvenir.
#miguel o'hara x reader#miguel o'hara smut#miguel o'hara#smut#my writing#not beta read#this one was for me tbqh#i didn't really know how to end it so pls be nice to me#but dear god read the warnings on this one#also another sleep token reference? on my fics?? it's more likely than you think#im nervous to post this one ahhhhhhh
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can we talk more about avpd being a (proposed) schizospec disorder? because i almost never see that theory talked about but i wish it was. like…
avpd makes me censor my thoughts because i think someone might hear what i’m thinking and see what a horrible person i am on the inside or judge me for thinking embarrassing things.
avpd makes me so afraid of someone walking in on me doing something i Shouldn’t Be Doing that my brain twists background noise into the sounds of whispers and footsteps behind me.
avpd makes me so worried about people staring at me that in my peripheral vision, anyone near me looks like they’re already staring at me, and it’s only when i look at them directly that i realize they’ve been looking in a totally different direction the whole time.
avpd makes me so convinced of how much everyone must secretly hate me that i often start thinking everyone secretly wants to hurt me too, to the point where i’ve had panic attacks from a person walking too close behind me because i feel like they’re getting ready to attack me (when i haven’t had any kind of trauma that would create that fear), and the paranoia just serves to reinforce my need to avoid people.
avpd makes me lose my ability to speak or reduces it to nothing more than one word answers only when spoken to, turning the thoughts i wanted to express into a jumble that’s impossible to turn into words or just throwing them away completely and making my mind go blank, so i end up just staring at people silently or even acting like i don’t see them standing there at all (not on purpose but because my brain won’t let me engage with them).
avpd makes me look damn near emotionless around everyone but my safe person (and sometimes even around my safe person) because showing my emotions would be far too vulnerable for its liking, so it completely takes away my ability to express them.
and i could keep going! there are so many things i experience because of avpd that i’ve seen really closely reflected in the experiences of schizospec people. i don’t know how common these kinds of things are in avpd overall, but they’re a really prominent part of my experience with it, so when i found out that some research suggested it could be considered a schizospec disorder itself, that made so much sense to me! and i’d be so curious to see how many other avoidants have dealt with this stuff but haven’t talked about it because it’s never mentioned as being part of avpd.
#this post was brought to you from the Looking Over My Shoulder Frozen In Fear Because Of The Whispers™️ position#which is. quite a common position for me#im honestly kinda nervous to post this bc i feel like somebody’s gonna be like ‘thats not avpd!’ or ‘thats not schizospec stuff!’#but oh well. that’s just how it is on the internet#i also feel a little weird about the wording bc i don’t really see avpd as an outside force that Makes Me do things#but it’s 5am and im too tired to think of a better way to say it#poss.speaks#discussion#avpd#actually avpd#actually avoidant#avoidant pd#avoidant personality disorder#cluster c#schizospec#schizophrenia spectrum#schizo spectrum#schizotaxic
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new year, new commission post and prices.
i'm willing to discuss most off-menu things as well as discounts for bulk orders of things like little guys, so don't hesitate to ask! message me here @nanistar if you are interested!
#commissions#i didnt want to raise my prices but im 7k in medical debt and have until this october to pay it soooo i kinda have to#i also dont really want to offer paintings bc im nervous about them but again. need the money lol#please do not message my main blog with commission requests#it will get buried under the shitposts i send back and forth w my friends and also i want all my business stuff connected with this account
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I like the idea that Cross realised Killer was touchstarved (he didn't have the words for it but he noticed how much Killer would settle down from it) and started giving him very small basic affection. Pat on the back, hand on the shoulder, maybe a quick friendly hug, all things he probably learned through royal guard training and thinks of as normal friend/coworker stuff.
But as they both got more comfortable in the routine of it, Killer started instigating touches and he was not shy about it (like not just leaning into Cross's side during movie night, he looks like he's trying to get into Cross's jacket with him)
And that this more intense affection made Cross realise he might also be just a little bit touchstarved
Bonus:
#UTDR#UTMV#Cross Sans#Killer Sans#The cuddles are mutually beneficial#Both of these boys desperately need a little love and affection#Really I just imagined Killer hugging up on Cross so close it looks like he's a living blanket and I wanted to draw it#And then y'know what? Throw in HorrorDust cuddles too while we're here#Cross is nervous they'll find out he desperately wants touch and think less of him#As if he didn't just have the exact same revelation with Killer and nobody said a word#As if he isn't sitting across from people literally in each other's laps#It's okay he won't get rid of Killer any time soon and he's about to be like a barnacle on this man#So he'll get all the hugs he could need#I'm in a very sappy cuddly mood today it seems#Also I forgot the username but the person who made the ''we need more kross'' post this one is partially for you!!
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"I never knew you were a hugger..."
"No body protects nature better than you, sweet Amy."
Whoa, he's bisexual! I didn't know that!
#piko rambles#sonic the hedgehog#amy rose#shadow the hedgehog#sonamy#sonadow#sonamyshad#sonic prime#sonic prime spoilers#Look. I love sonadow so goddamn much. But ALSO.#sonamy was something I was OBSESSED with as a kid. I don't love it as much as I used to but I still find it adorable like sonadow.#We got good food from these hedgehogs.#This was in my drafts since when Season 3 came out and I was so nervous to post this because everyone has OPINIONS about sonamy.#<--- Which I don't blame them for. Some sonamy fans are not really... nice. Let's just put it at that.#Plus everyone has different opinions on sonamy and that's okay! I'm just happy that there are fans with opinions that differ from mine-#-but are also fantastic people I look up to! Makes me feel like I'm not alone 😊
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New York Isn't Weird Enough (PG3)
Ford DESPERATELY needs to be re-socialized. Even before canon divergence, he was around, at most, one other human for years. It’s only gotten worse since
#gravity falls#gravity falls au#domesticated ford#ford pines#stanford pines#sketch#my art#comic#new york isn't weird enough#unimportant background characters get the persona 5 treatment#you’re just SHAPES in the narrative#also his hair is almost always really tangled but I’m only drawing that detail close up#I said elsewhere but his eyes go white when he’s either disassociating or severely stressed#keep track of his mental state with this fun detail#what a fun fact!#ford needs one of those nervous dog vests
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Vibrating with happiness I got them signed aaaaa
#wish I could have talked to kellen more#I was super awkward and nervous about saying hi#he did a very fun and cute moon and sun impression for me it was very sweet#he seems like a really nice man#also his panel was super interesting#he talked a bit about how it was voicing sun moon and eclipse#also he has a malleable epiglottis#which is how he gets really good monster sounds#and how sun and moon sound so different#super interesting stuff#sundrop#fnaf daycare attendant#moondrop#fnaf eclipse#fnaf#fnaf ruin dlc
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