#and also one part desperately wanting to see sj as a the final girl in a horror movie

[lbhslefttiddie]

okay so visualize with me. a no transmigrator, no lbh au where sqh (OG) betraying the sect goes a lot better for him. im imagining a plot that has been decades in the making, in which hes brought in demons and/or demonic cultivators, something designed to separate and incapacitate/kill all the peak lords at once, starting with yqy bc hes obv the most dangerous. theres greater value to him in this plot to allow as many peak lords to be captured alive as possible, and hes been gathering info about their weaknesses for so long that this is actually feasible.

as everyone is struggling and getting rounded up or whatever, not yet realizing that one of the peak lords fighting beside them is the one orchestrating all of this, everyone sort of forgets about sqq. he's one of the peak lords, and no one really cares if he kicks it, and fuck maybe hes in on it, since hes seems like he wants to kill all of them himself anyways. no one has seen him almost since this started—they all either assume hes either behind this or was one of the first to die

but sqq, who has never trusted any of his martial siblings, least of all shang fucking qinghua, who fights dirty and survived on the streets and absolutely fucking refuses to be bested by rats or demons, is very much not dead, and trudges in covered in blood after all his colleagues have either been killed ("killed" in sqh's case) or captured. he ignores them for the most part, only demanding to know where yqy has been. most of them dont trust him and think hes a traitor, but absolutely none of them think hes going to be able to do anything anyways, and besides, yqy was one of the first to be hit, and they havent seen him, they dont even know if hes still alive—

—and sqq looking back at them, expression cold as death, telling them they better fucking hope he is still alive, because if he isnt, then none of them are making it out of this alive.

ohhhh im having. ideas

[megalony]

What belongs to me

This is a new Murderer! Ben Hardy imagine that someone requested a while ago and I’m sorry lovely I lost the request but I’m sure I’ve written what you wanted. It’s going to have a follow up part, I hope you all enjoy it, feedback is always appreciated.

Taglist: @lunaticspoem @butlegendsneverdie @langdonzvoid @jennyggggrrr @rogmeddows @radiob-l-a-hblah @rogertaylorsbitontheside @chlobo6 @rogertaylors-lipgloss @sj-thefan @omgitsearly @luckytrashgooprebel @scarsout @deaky-with-a-c @killer-queen-ofrhye @bluutac @vousmemanqueez @jonesyaddiction @ambi-and-sunflowers @milanosaurus @httpfandxms @saint-hardy @7-seas-of-fat-bottomed-girls @mrsalwayswritex @rogerina-owns-me @hellsdragon @im-an-adult-ish @crazylittlethingg @allauraleigh @onceuponadetectivedemigod @ceres27​

Murderer! Ben Masterlist

Summary: (Y/n) tried her best to leave Ben behind her and move on with her life away from him, but deep down she knew he would never let her go. Especially not when she had something that belongs to him.

Enjoy

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

He'd found her.

She had been stupid enough to think that she was winning this game, that she had finally gotten the better of him. But Ben never lost and this was the proof of that.

Everything that Ben did was like a game to him. Going to a family event, he had to get the last word on a matter that he cared about, he had to be there first and could not be the last one to turn up. Going to work, he was the boss and if someone didn't do as he asked of them then he would punish them and it was a game to him. The longer someone evaded him, the more fun it became.

But this was a step too far for (Y/n). He was turning their breakup into a game, he had made it is mission to find her and now his men had finally found her. Ben was the kind of person who liked to keep tabs on people and they both knew that sooner or later, he was going to force (Y/n) to come back to him. She had taken the brave step of leaving him but it wasn't enough because Ben wasn't going to let her leave him just like that.

Ben did whatever he could to get what he wanted, he cheated, hurt and often murdered to get what he wanted and what he wanted right now, was (Y/n) back. He didn't care what he had to do even if he knew the more he tried, the more he was pushing her away.

Having his men follow her was something (Y/n) had gotten used to in their relationship but it was something she now feared since they had broken up.

(Y/n) feared that one day she would look over her shoulder and find one of Ben's men following her, keeping tabs on her and getting ready to pounce and bring her back to the Devil himself. So far she had done well in eluding him, she had gotten away and managed to stop herself from going back to him because she knew getting away was the right thing for her.

But now he had found her.

He had managed to get his men to find her and they weren't going to stop now they had finally caught a glimpse of her. Before, it didn't used to bother (Y/n) because Ben's men were following her to ensure her safety and because it was a dangerous world when involved with Ben. But now they were following her because Ben was possessive and he wanted to keep his grip on her.

The man who had found her had been hard to spot because it was the one person (Y/n) wouldn't suspect to see following her.

The one man who was closest to Ben. He hardly ever left Ben's side, he was like a loyal pet or a puppet whose strings had to be pulled for him to go or do anything. Seeing Joe here right now without his master was something (Y/n) hadn't expected.

But when his kind eyes latched onto hers, there was a look of sorrow in them that she couldn't take.

Three months (Y/n) had been out of his grasp, she had been away from him and had tried to carry on with the life she had before Ben but (Y/n) was finding that it was near impossible to do that. The life she had before him was boring. It was a life that was dull, calculated and predictable but when Ben walked into her life he changed it in so many ways it was hard to see straight.

(Y/n) knew getting away from him would be hard, but now she was realising that it was impossible.

She couldn't have left the country, this was her home and she didn't want to leave her friends and family behind. Getting a place of her own had taken some time so when she left Ben the only places she could immediately go to were either her sister's house or her best friend. Both of whom Ben knew and he knew where they lived.

But (Y/n) was sure that Ben didn't know where she lived now that she had gotten her own place. She had done it discretely and with the help of her sister, the apartment wasn't even in her name so Ben couldn't track her that way. She had gotten a new phone, was looking for a car of her own and for the first month she barely left her sister's house and when she did go out, she knew she hadn't been followed. (Y/n) went as far as to leave the house through the alley at the back of her sister's garden because she knew no one could be watching her if she left that way. Nor did she go to any of the usual places she normally did when she was with Ben and she had never once seen him or his henchmen following her.

He had found out.

Ben wouldn't send his right hand man to follow her unless he knew. He had sent flowers, letters, angry texts, loving texts and even threats to her sister's house telling (Y/n) in no uncertain terms that sooner or later he would get her back. Ben had never attempted to see her in the last three months and (Y/n) knew he was biding his time because when he lost his patience he was going to drag her back by her hair if he had to. He didn't let go of what was his and his possessive nature always got the better of him, it was his downfall and the reason (Y/n) left.

Now Ben's possessive side was taking over again because he had clearly sent his men out looking for her and now one of them had found her. He was always keeping and eye on her movements, who she saw and where she went when they were together and he clearly wanted to be back in those old habits. He was getting ready to pounce like a predator.

He was going to see her himself soon and there was only one explanation for that. He had found out what she was so desperately trying to keep secret from him.

"(Y/n), are you still with us?" A chuckle followed Serena's words as her head leaned in closer to her younger sister to try and get her back into the conversation at hand. It looked as if (Y/n) had become trapped in her head, lost in thoughts that were consuming her to the core.

"Yes- I, um... I'm sorry, I have to go."

"Go? We haven't even eaten yet, where do you have to rush off to?" There was a look of confusion in her mother's eyes but there was also sorrow and (Y/n) knew exactly where those emotions were coming from.

When (Y/n) had been with Ben she rushed off a lot to his beck and call, she didn't see her family as much because she wanted to be so wrapped up in Ben and consumed by him. She was always on edge waiting for him to call or text and they never got to do things like this, to just sit down and have lunch. When (Y/n) initially left Ben she wouldn't leave the house for the first month. Now they all finally had a chance to sit down together and have a meal and be like it was in the old times. But now she still had to speed off even when this was the first time they had sat down where (Y/n) wasn't panicking that Ben was going to barge through the doors and take her away.

"I can't do this."

"Dear, you'll be fine he won't come and get you. Just sit and have something to eat-"

"I'm not hungry... I'm sorry, I- I'll call you soon."

(Y/n) didn't have the energy to argue and she didn't have the time to hang around and explain or come up with a better excuse than this. She couldn't sit through dinner being smothered by her mother and sister who hadn't stopped since the moment she told them she had found the courage to leave Ben. They wanted to wrap her in cotton wool because they thought she was about to fall to pieces.

As much as she loved her family and how they were helping her, (Y/n) couldn't be babied any more than this and she couldn't have Ben's henchmen watching her and her family have dinner. If he wanted to follow her then he could do so but he had to know she wasn't going to go down without a fight.

She would rather have her family think that she was too afraid to be out in the open than to admit that one of Ben's men had found her.

(Y/n) slung her bag on her shoulder and headed out of the crowded cafe, feeling Joe's eyes burning into her as she passed and she knew he would wait an extra second before following her as not to make it look too suspicious.

(Y/n) didn't like this, she could never usually feel their presence when they were following her unless they were walking right beside her. All of Ben's men knew how to be ghosts, they knew how to follow her from a distance and be undetectable and (Y/n) preferred it like that. Ben always told her to forget they were even there and it was always so easy to do that. But right now, she could feel Joe quickening his pace to keep up with her, wondering where she was going and what she was going to do since he knew she had spotted him.

She didn't know what to do.

(Y/n) couldn't have Joe following her for the rest of the day, week month or even the rest of her life. She couldn't spend her time waiting for one or more of Ben's men to follow her as she bided her time until Ben finally appeared in the flesh.

Nor could (Y/n) carry on with her day when he was following her.

It had been far too good to be true to believe that she wasn't going to be followed or watched anymore after having three months of being free and trying to get her life back together. Ben would do anything to get her back and now he had found her today, he wasn't going to let her slip through his net again.

Finding a small abandoned street just off the main road, (Y/n) turned down it and leaned her back up against the brick wall on her right. Her arms folded over her chest and her brows rose as she watched Joe round the corner. He hung his head in momentary shame at the realisation that (Y/n) was waiting for him and she didn't look best pleased.

"Long time no see, eh, love?" The compassion in Joe's lopsided smile didn't quite reach his eyes that still held a sense of sorrow that frightened (Y/n). Joe knew more than she did, he knew why he was here following her today and he knew what Ben was up to and the sorrow in his eyes was clearly for her. That didn't give (Y/n) much confidence in what Ben was planning to do.

"What are you doing here, Joe? He let me be for three months before any of you found me, what's going on?"

There was no other way for (Y/n) to talk to Joe other than to dive right into the problem at hand. She had to know why he was here and what was happening, as much as Joe was an old friend to (Y/n), he still worked for Ben and therefore idle chit-chat wasn't going to work today.

"I'm under orders, (Y/n)... did you honestly think he would let you go without a fight? You may not think it but he loves you-"

"Oh I know he does, but I can't handle his ways of love anymore Joe. I can't take being followed and smothered and possessed like I'm his most favourite toy. Can you imagine how compressing and controlled it feels to be the thing Ben loves the most? It's not an honour, it's a sentence."

Ben's ideas of love were not normal.

At first, he made (Y/n) feel special. He made her feel different and prized and loved and the most important thing in the world to him and those views didn't change. She was all of those things to Ben and more, but after time, (Y/n) could see through the cracks. She could see that being Ben's most cherished and loved person in his life made her one of his possessions and if someone touched or threatened his possessions, he became nasty. Ben had to have complete control over everyone and everything that he owned and (Y/n) was no exception to that way of life when it came to Ben.

He had to know where she was, what she was doing, who she was going out with. He had to keep tabs on her and make sure she was okay and she had to be controlled by him. (Y/n)'s life was morphed into Ben's life and plans, she was under his influence and when that happened, no one could escape it.

Being loved by Ben was a prison sentence because there was no escaping his controlling nature, no matter how honourable it felt to be the thing Ben loves most.

"And can you imagine what he will do if he doesn't get back the thing he loves most? I know he made you feel like you were a toy that he owned, I know being guarded by us and controlled in what you can and can't do is not the way to live or be loved. But he changed when he was with you and he would do anything to get you to come back."

"But that should be my choice, not his. He can't choose when or if I come back Joe. I'm done with him, you have to tell him to stop this. I don't want you all following me, I don't need him to keep tabs if he wants me back he needs to let me go."

(Y/n)'s arms tightened over her chest as she felt like cowering back in fear even though she didn't feel afraid of Joe.

The only way Ben would gain her respect in wanting her back is if he let go of the control around (Y/n). He had to stop keeping tabs on her and trying to pull her back to him. If she could be herself and stop being afraid of Ben trying to get her back, she could live her life without him and then go back to Ben on her own terms if she wanted to. Dragging her back by the scruff of her hair was not going to make her want to stay.

"You know as well as I do that Ben does things his own way... he wants to see you." Joe shrugged his shoulders but the sorrow seemed to grow deeper in his dark hazel eyes.

"Well I don't want to see him."

The response was plain and simple but it wasn't coming straight from the heart because (Y/n)'s heart was fighting with her mind. Part of her was desperate to see him again, to see how he was coping and if he really had changed like she was praying he had. But the other half of her, the knowledgeable side knew that she couldn't see him again in fear of getting wrapped up in his web of control. Once she saw him, she was never going to get away and another chance of escaping Ben and his control was not going to come around very soon.

Especially not if Ben had found out what (Y/n) was dreading he had.

"I'm sorry to say that I don't think you'll have a choice, but... did you really think you had left him behind these last few months? A new flat in Serena's name and a new phone isn't going to keep you safe when you're keeping something valuable from him. I'll see you soon, (Y/n)."

"What? Joe, Joe! What do you mean?"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

No, no no!

The moment (Y/n) turned on the lights in her apartment,  violent shivers ran throughout her body and her chest tightened like someone was squeezing her lungs to try and make them pop.

Her hand stayed gripping the door handle with ferocity but her pupils darted all around the apartment like she was searching for a threat.

All along the floor of her flat from the front door right through the living room and she guessed round to the kitchen, were rose petals. Various sized blood red petals scattered the floor turning the grey vinyl into a river of blood that started to move from the small breeze the door created when it opened.

Ben truly had found her.

It wasn't just his men following her anymore, it was him knowing exactly where she was staying and trying to scare her back into his arms. Why couldn't he just listen to (Y/n)? All she wanted was for him to give her the space she needed. If Ben could show her that he would stop controlling her and trying to make her give in to him then she could give him another chance.

(Y/n) didn't know how to tell her heart to stop loving him but her mind was finding it easier and easier to despise him when he started being possessive and controlling like this. No matter how deeply she loved Ben, his dark side was what made her back away to try and save herself. But he never let her go. She was his. (Y/n) belonged to him because he loved her so deeply and passionately that he could let nothing take her away from him, not even his bad side. He pushed her away but pulled her straight back like he was toying with her because he wanted and had to do things his own way.

Trying to control her breaths so they weren't too loud, (Y/n) slowly tried to open the door again without making a sound but the moment she tried to open it, a voice cut through the silence.

"Where are you going baby, you just got here."

Such a lightheaded feeling came over (Y/n) she thought she was going to faint the moment she heard that voice. It was a low tone with a scratchy edge from trying too hard to be sickly sweet.

"Why are you here?"

(Y/n) tried to make her voice stern and hard but her voice cracked and she sounded frail instead. She could never manage to stand up to her lover, Ben always managed to overpower her in any kind of situation and he always made sure she knew it. The only time she ever got one over on him was when she managed to leave without him knowing what she was planning. He hadn't found her for three months and (Y/n) had been dumb enough to believe she may just have gotten out of his vice grip.

But here he was, showing her just how wrong she had been in thinking she had succeeded against him.

"Because you left. So I'm here to bring you back with me where you belong... and I wanted to see if it was true."

Ben slowly walked around the counter of the kitchen so he was standing in the middle of the apartment, basking in the light so (Y/n) could finally get a glimpse of him after three months of trying to forget he ever existed.

Sometimes, (Y/n) could picture him so perfectly it was as if he was stood in front of her like he was now. And sometimes, in the dead of night, (Y/n) couldn't see him properly when her mind started wandering to him. His eyes were never emerald green when she wanted to imagine them, she couldn't see his hair that fell in curls around his face. Nor could she imagine how much taller than her he was when they were standing together.

She thought it was better when she forgot, it was easier to try and push him out of her mind.

But now he was here, stalking towards her like a predator about to come and take it's prey.

(Y/n)'s hand was still prized around the door handle and when Ben was less than a metre away from her, he slowly reached out until his cold hand was resting tightly on top of her own. It was as if (Y/n) had become paralysed, her body back under his control as always. She let him guide her hand away from the door and allowed his body to get even closer to hers as he locked the door to ensure they wouldn't be disturbed and she wouldn't be leaving him again.

"See if what was true?" (Y/n) found herself whispering her question before she swallowed so loudly she was sure he heard and his lips curled into a sinister smile.

(Y/n) needed Ben to move away, she needed to unlock the door and either run out or shove him out the door since she lived here not him. But her heart was pounding so loudly against her chest she thought it was trying to reach Ben. She was yearning to be wrapped up in his arms again, but she knew that the moment she let that happen she would be walking back into his trap and she would never leave or have the courage to leave again.

"You've taken something that belongs to me, and you know no one gets away with that, not even you."

"Ben I don't know what-"

(Y/n) cut herself off with a shriek when Ben's hands suddenly clamped down on her hips so tightly she could feel his short nails piercing through into her skin. He was forceful in a way she knew meant he was angry with her even if he wasn't showing it. Using not even half of his weight, he pushed her until her back hit the door so harshly her hips started to ache and her spine cracked into place causing her to whimper.

Her body was pinned between the door and Ben's hard frame and her frightened eyes were pierced with his harsh green ones that were burning through right to her soul.

He was claiming her. Backing her up into the wall so she knew that he wasn't letting her go and he was hurting her because she had hurt him by leaving.

Tears started to fall from (Y/n)'s eyes when Ben crudely yanked her coat apart so forcefully a button popped off and went flying towards the kitchen. (Y/n) saw Ben's eyes lighting up as he made quick work of discarding her coat on the floor before his hands quickly moved to her jumper. He wasted no time in pulling it up and ripping it off her head and arms, revealing her rounded stomach and cleveage to his prying eyes.

"I fucking knew it." The words were whispered quietly under his breath but his tone frightened (Y/n) almost as much as the fact that he knew what she had been trying to hide.

She had been foolish.

Deep down, (Y/n) knew that there was no way she could hide her pregnancy from him forever. At some point he was going to see her out in the street with a prominent bump or a stroller or a child clinging to her hand. It was only a matter of time before one of his men spotted her and related the information back to Ben. But he had his suspicions just before (Y/n) had left him and she knew it.

But she thought that if she got away before he found out then she could raise this child without him.

What kind of life was this baby going to have when their father was a cold hearted killer?

Ben wasn't the fatherly type even though he had enough possessive love in his heart to love and look after a child. (Y/n) knew he wanted children but truthfully he wasn't the kind of person who should have children and she knew it. All (Y/n) wanted to do was do what was best for her baby and she knew that the best thing was to try and get away and do this on her own.

Doing it on her own would no longer be possible because Ben knew.

He would either make sure he was in their child's life or worse still, never let (Y/n) leave him and make them his version of a perfect family.

"Tell me, what made you think you could run off with something that belongs to me and get away with it?"

"What makes you think you own me or this baby?"

"It's my child-"

"No, it's my baby and if I want to leave and bring it up on my own then I have every right."

(Y/n) was the mother and she was carrying this baby, it was her decision if she wanted to leave Ben and do this alone and she had every right whereas Ben didn't. She didn't want a murderer bringing up her baby with her but she knew that now Ben had found out, he was never going to let her disappear with his child. This was his baby too and he was not the kind of man to let this sort of thing go, he wasn't going to give in and never see his child or not have an input in their life and upbringing.

Such a wicked, cackling laugh left Ben's lips and made (Y/n) shiver and cry harder. He never meant to make her feel down or worthless but sometimes he just couldn't help it. Ben pressed himself further against (Y/n) until his abdomen was touching her protruding stomach and his chest was pinned against hers. His hands moved back to gripping her lips as he looked down at her with a horrid grin.

"You're very naïve if you think you have any right in taking away what's mine. This is my baby, sweetheart, and I'm not letting either of you go again."

(Y/n) shivered when Ben's lips feverishly moulded over her own making the past three months diminish into nothing like they had never existed. Time apart seemed to have done nothing for the way (Y/n)'s heart truly felt about the monster standing in front of her because the moment his lips touched hers she could feel her heart speeding up and her mind screaming because she wanted him back.

But he wasn't going to let her go again.

His hands moved from her hips to her stomach, roaming over the expanding flesh of her stomach before he suddenly seemed to become impatient. His hips forced into her own that were already feeling bruised from how he was man-handling her. She could feel him pressing into her and his abdomen pushing harder on her stomach that was already hurting from the baby she was carrying.

His roaming hands shifted once again until he had both of (Y/n)'s wrists clenched tightly in his fist that he pinned up against the top of the door.

Usually when Ben was being forceful like this it made (Y/n) shiver and relish in the adrenaline he sparked in her system, but this was different. Ben wasn't being forceful and possessive in a loving, sexual manner. He was being possessive in a sense that told her she was not escaping him again. He was holding her as his captive, his prisoner and he was making sure she knew that he owned her, every part of her and he was not allowing her to leave him again no matter how hard she tried.

Another small whimper left (Y/n)'s lips that felt bruised with the way Ben was biting them like he wanted to devour them before his lips travelled south. They went from licking and nibbling her neck to sinking his teeth into her skin and pulling so hard that (Y/n) started to cry again. She could feel his tongue lightly going over the bruises he was creating as he kept kissing further down her neck and collar bone until he reached her cleavage.

Her chest started to quake and push further back against the door in a feeble attempt to pull away from Ben but it made no difference. He gripped her wrists tighter, rutted his hips into her aching ones and curled his free hand around her neck to show her she was weak and powerless when up against him.

(Y/n) was no stranger to Ben's punishments but when he punished her it was never in a physical way except for the one time he did choke her. But now he wasn't choking her, he was holding her neck tightly but allowing her to breathe. He was showing her that he was in control, he was letting her breathe simply because he wanted to and because he held that power and he could take her oxygen away at any given moment.

His nails dug into her throat that let out a few choked cries when he bit down on her breasts, already smirking against her skin at the marks he was leaving behind to show her who she belonged to.

A gasp of air left (Y/n)'s lips when Ben's hand tightened enough to cut off her oxygen for a few seconds before his hand moved again and scratched his nails down the side of her skin. He left bright red lines down her side and down her stomach but he smoothed the pad of his thumb against her stomach like he was showing her he wouldn't hurt her stomach in fear of hurting the baby.

All (Y/n) could do was cry when Ben's lips smothered her own again and his hand scratched her side and forcefully moved under the elastic of her leggings and underwear. Her lower abdomen shrunk inwards from the sudden touch to her delicate skin and her body shook when he scratched her again before be pulled her underwear down enough to fit his hand between her legs.

There wasn't even a chance for (Y/n) to tense her thighs and press her legs together because Ben's knee found its way between her legs and his whole body forced against hers so tightly (Y/n) could feel every vein and artery pulsing in her body. She wanted to move, to pull away and push Ben as far back as she could manage but all (Y/n) could do was cry and shift and jump against his touch that was switching constantly between gentle and very rough.

"Do you really want to leave me, baby? Cause I don't think you do, and you know I will always protect you both."

(Y/n) wanted to leave.

She knew it was safer to be away from Ben than it was to be with him when he was this possessive, destructive and unhinged. But at the same time, her heart was still head over heels in love with him and he always loved her even if that love was in a different, twisted kind of way. Ben was never going to let (Y/n) disappear or leave him when she was pregnant with his child. He would never allow that.

He would never let her go now.

[dc41896]

Mixed Signals

Pairing: college!Chris EvansxBlack Reader

Summary🪄: One text from your boyfriend nearly wrecks your night

⚠️: Slight suggestive content, mentions of virginity, a very awkward yet hilarious (at least I hope it comes across as that) moment, fluff!

Stomach turning and heart racing, it’s hard to focus on the math problems in front of you with what’s spiraling in your head.

Ever since “My roommate’s out of town, you know what that means😉” flashed across your screen, you’ve been slightly confused and on edge. And your friend’s response after you sent her the screenshot didn’t make you feel any better.

“Not trying to pry, but have you guys....you know... yet?,” she asked over lunch in the courtyard.

“No..why you think that’s what he means?”

“I mean I’m not sure, but I know when my boyfriend sends the winky face it typically means we’re not getting any work done,” she grins to herself before taking a sip of her soda.

You, on the other hand, had lost your appetite and hadn’t found it since.

In your five months of dating you and Chris never really brought up going to that level of your relationship, and you thought he honestly didn’t care. He never pressured you or made any advances that made you feel uncomfortable; instead he just let things flow, which you appreciated. There was a part of you though, that wondered if things would always stay this way and he’d always be so patient.

Apparently you were quickly being shown how they wouldn’t.

Not that you didn’t want to go there. Clearly you weren’t blind to how attractive your boyfriend was with his piercing blue eyes that made you swoon at every glance, and muscular arms and legs making you embarrassingly stumble over your words those times he’d greet you at the door in only his boxers. Paired with his overall personality that kept you entertained from his dorky antics yet intrigued from his intellectual views, you were completely smitten already by the man across from you.

But if you were ready for the next step, you weren’t quite sure yet.

Plus even if you were you wouldn’t even know where to start! You knew what went where, obviously, but what about the other stuff that went with it? And what if you weren’t any good at it? You knew guys talked (even though they claim not to gossip but we all know), and you didn’t want to be that girl getting destroyed in the group chat. Oh God what if something was wrong with you down there?!

“Y/N?...Babe!”

“Huh? Yea?”

“I asked what’d you get for 25? My answer isn’t matching up with what’s in the book.”

“Oh uh I haven’t gotten there yet, I’m still on 12,” you answer now trying to catch up.

“You okay?”

“Yea, why?”

“Well for starters, you’ve been clicking your pen nonstop for a while,” Chris chuckles as you slowly lower your pen. “And you’ve been kinda spacey since you got here. Anything you want to talk about?”

“YES! A LOT ACTUALLY!,” you wanted to scream, but instead you simply shrugged.

“No, I’m fine. Just a little stressed I guess.”

“Why don’t we take a break then?,” he suggests closing his textbook. Watching him stand from his desk with a short stretch and yawn, your skin feels as if it’s been set ablaze wondering what would happen next.

“Is this him making a move?,” you thought as he plopped down on the bed next to you with a loud sigh. Holding his arms out with a childlike smile, a nervous laugh escapes your lips setting your textbook off to the side before wrapping your arms around his middle cuddling close to his body.

“So I’ve uh been thinking...”

And here come the nervous sweats. Please don’t let me stink.

“Mhmm?”

“Maybe we could try some new things?,” he answers, fingertips trailing up and down your spine.

“N-New?,” you swallow. From how hard your heart is pounding against your chest, you’re surprised Chris hasn’t said anything and that you haven’t gone into cardiac arrest.

Then again the night’s still young.

“Yea, but there’s no pressure. If you don’t want to it’s fine.”

“Not that I’m upset or anything, but where’s this coming from?,” you ask. Your hands moving to rest on his pecs helping you sit up.

“Just to change things up you know? What we usually do is fun, but I’ve started wanting different.”

Great, now you’re boring. Wait, are you gonna be boring in bed too? You honestly weren’t that flexible. Maybe you could sneak to the bathroom and stretch?

“Oh, um okay.”

“Hey it’s like I said though, if you don’t want to it’s completely fine,” he reassures sitting up himself and taking your hands in his. His warm thumbs running soothingly along the bumps of your knuckles before bringing them to his lips.

You were still scared, but deep down you felt that you could trust him with all of you, and you wouldn’t want your first time to be with anyone else.

“No, I-I want to,” you smile.

“Great! We can-,”

He can’t finish his sentence before your lips are hurriedly pressed to his and your hands gently frame the sides of his neck letting your thumbs graze along his jawlines.

So far so good Y/N, just don’t think about it.

You’d made out plenty of times before, but compared to you two now, you realized those in the past were more so innocent and playful with your breaks for small chuckles and fingers tracing facial features. Seemingly feeding off your energy, kisses now were hungrier and soon you were straddling his lap feeling something press against your thigh as his fingers dug into your hips.

Okay now that we’re here, do I take my clothes off first or his? Or do I take turns with both? Should I wait on him? Does it really matter?

His mouth moves lower to your neck attacking right above your pulse point, and in turn making it race faster as a hidden moan rolls off your tongue startling your own self.

Hold on, did I even shave my legs? Dangit, I said I would do it tonight when I got back.

You lean back to remove your graphic tee, but Chris holds your hands in place stopping you from moving any further.

“Baby you sure about this?,” he asks slightly out of breath with red and partially swollen lips. “It’s your first time and I don’t want you rushing into anything when you’re not ready.”

“Yea...I think so at least. Plus you were talking about doing something different-,”

“I was talking about going somewhere different for our date night. Supendi’s is nice, but there’s this new arcade for adults that I thought would be fun.”

“But..but you texted saying how your roommate wasn’t home. And the winky face.”

“Yea meaning that when we get done with our work, we can watch the big tv in the living room rather than being stuck in here holding my phone screen.”

“Ohhh...”

You could’ve sworn your heart stopped right there as the blood drained from your face and apparently stopped in your throat from the lodged sensation you get.

Reminder: call your parents when you get the chance to ask if they dropped you on your head as a child, explaining why you’re so dumb now.

“You thought I was saying-?,”

“Yep, I did,” you sigh moving towards the opposite side of the bed pressed against the white as milk wall. Arms wrapped around yourself as you sink further into the mattress, your embarrassment also makes you feel uncomfortably vulnerable and desperately wanting to return to your room so you could cry in the corner of your shower.

“I’m such an idiot.”

“No you’re not,” he states leaning down to kiss your temple before hugging you close, “It’s my fault you thought that. I should’ve been more clear, I’m sorry.”

“If I wasn’t sure, I should’ve just asked rather than assumed though. That would’ve saved a lot of embarrassment and stress.”

A lighthearted chuckle vibrates his chest and forehead rests against your temple distracting you long enough to bring some level of comfort.

“Don’t think I stopped because I don’t want to, believe me I really do. Like I said though, I want you to be sure you’re ready.”

You only nod, giving him a small smile while you bask in the sensation of his cool nose bumping and rubbing against your cheek.

“And you’re not bored, since we haven’t had sex yet?,” you timidly ask finally meeting his eyes.

“Of course not. I’m never bored when I’m with you, and never will be.”

How was he so perfect? Where did this guy come from Build a Boyfriend? Your lips find his, still a bit red from your earlier session, melting away any self doubt or overthinking that remained in your brain successfully bringing the quiet it so desperately needed.

“Thanks for being so patient with me.”

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If anybody wants to be tagged, has asked to be tagged but don’t see your name, only want to be tagged for certain people I write for (can be found in masterlist), or no longer wish to be tagged, just let me know🤓!

[haus-of-wu]

Bonamana (미인아) 10th Anniversary Album Analysis/Rediscovery

Happy 10th Anniversary to Bonamana / 4jib !

I viscerally remember this album coming out when I was in the 8th grade and using my damn iTunes gift cards to buy the album tracks for my iPod nano. (WTF was streaming in 2010)

Bonamana was the first album of many in SJ’s discography that didn’t have the full lineup of members. Hangeng had departed SM, Kibum had announced a hiatus to focus on acting, and Kangin was starting off what would become SJ’s almost decade-long military rotation era.

We’ve come a long way, and we’re still out here !!

Track analysis and re-reaction below the cut - as a veteran ELF I find that middle school me fixated on certain songs (and was the biggest Ryeowook stan), and then completely forgot about entire other songs, so it’s always a fun time going back down memory lane.

Bonamana (미인아)

Even if you look and look, look and look, look and look There’s no one else but me.

It’s true, true that my feelings don’t have a place to go. You know that I adjusted myself to fit you

honestly the best iteration of the “SJ Funky” sound that started with “Sorry Sorry” imo

an absolute headbanger !! if you aren’t already bobbing your head to the bass line and percussion in the first 10 seconds you are not human

this has just the right tasteful amount of autotune that makes it age a lot better than sorry sorry over the years

i’m sorry but the choreo absolutely fucks especially with kyuhyun going out there being like “you thought i was a main vocal? i’m in this fucking dance break”

re:choreo, it’s understandable that they’ve pivoted to the rock remix of this for super shows bc there’s a squat move they do that is not friendly on the knees at all

if you wanted a club BOP about a guy trying his hardest to figure out how to get a girl’s attention, this is it

donghae doing a magic trick for every music show performance of this, while looking fiercely in character while delivering his line as a man who is hella stressed about what to get the girl as a present

the way ryeowook and sungmin (tenor line !!) exchange lines

this song made me go feral in 2010

No Other

Hearing you tell me that you love me, I have everything in this world, You & I, You’re so fine, Is there someone like you? I love you Oh, please know it, to me there’s only you, That I stupidly see you As my everything 

that feel-good cute love song that served as the foil to Bonamana

the softest MV !!

just super chill and smile inducing

all the music show performances of this are just...so cute (also featured so many shenanigans like leeteuk yelling HAPPY BIRTHDAY HEENIM/GOOD LUCK SHINEE, and random members playing rock paper scissors in the middle of the performance)

probably has the most evenly split line distributions for the time (each member has their own verse of sorts)

contains one of my favorite hyukjae rap parts - it flows in such a relaxing way

Shake It Up (Remix Version)

Hey get up, (Hey get up) everyone come here (everyone come here) Just shake (all your thoughts) Just shake it up!

your everyday repetitive life, right now shake it up your repeated thoughts of sadness- right now shake it up Are you separated from the world? It all depends on you

SJ said shake it up !

chill club song with the touch of autotune, heavy synth, and weird background “oh OHs” of the time

the predecessor to the electronic chill vibe that Skydive has

they really told us to have fun and enjoy

honestly the song i didn’t realize i’d need in quarantine as i jam out at my desk

All My Heart

The words I still can’t say The words that got stuck in my throat I love you more than anyone else It’s still you and me, me me me me me me me me

In this moment I’m really happy I’m really grateful that you came to me The one who gives everything to me It’s only you and me, me me me me me me just you

a simple guitar instrumental with soothing vocals, a wholesome r&b

composed by LEETEUK AND HENRY? fuck me up fam

as a kid this was just the “nanana nanana na” song (that’s the me me me part of the chorus lmao)

this is the happy song that you’d like wave your lighters to maybe

hyukjae’s been singing “don’t wake me up” for eons

god this song makes me so soft

A Short Journey

My heart that loved you My eyes that looked at you Are still here

Oh baby say goodbye, for a short while goodbye I’ll go back to the place when I once was When I open that door and take one step So that I can stand in front of you who I missed

My heart that loved you My eyes that looked at you Will wait

Kangin going to the military tribute song composed by Donghae and lyrics by Hyukjae? they really had all the rights in 2010

god the lyrics really hit me in my ELF heart. like we really went through a whole decade of military service and said goodbye for now so many times

the opening piano intro? i hate you donghae i really do

hyukjae these lyrics man. why. why you gotta make our hearts hurt like this

another simple instrumental with soothing vocals, but this time it hits you in the feels a bit

if you weren’t listening to the lyrics, this feels like a song you’d watch your parents slow dance to in the house

thanks for triggering the “i miss kangin” hours G O D

Boom Boom

From head to toe you are wrapped with all luxury things Hoo~ so eye-blinding, who would ever dare to touch you?

Twinkle Twinkle Little Star I’m trying to get a hot girl, I’m drawn to her bad look look look am I wrong?

It’s nothing but such a beautiful sin

THE OTHER BANGER IN THIS ALBUM

yeah i feel like 13/14 y.o. me only was here for bonamana and boom boom back in 2010 which is like...pretty valid given the taste of your typical middle schooler in 2010

but literally. if you thought bonamana was about a guy desperate to get the girl, boom boom was legit like “shit she’s hot like sin and hooking up with her might be a mistake for me but oh well wtf why the hell not”

kyuhyun’s line at the beginning “from head to toe/머리부터 발 끝까지” is apparently used in a lot of lyrics, to the point where D&E were like, Bout You’s Korean title is gonna be that, AND it’s gonna be in the chorus. this was totally off-topic.

the whiplash in this album honestly. soft love songs to trying to get girls in the club to i’ll wait for you to finish military service. they have the RANGE

Coagulation

On the window and on my eyes Dew forms, tears form, a small stream is made Where they’re from and how they form over and over even I don’t know The only thing I know is that I just really hurt My formerly burning heart is slowly becoming cold It seems even I don’t know what to say, or how to hold on to you

time for a KRY ballad (can you BELIEVE they are finally having their first whole-ass album in june ??)

break up crying song included with the album of two absolute bangers

just close your eyes and get taken away on the sad rainy day ballad

Your Eyes

I want to erase all of my insufficient former self It seems like someone like me has nothing to give to you

Do you still remember, do you believe that it’s only you for me Do you know how long you can keep me by your side In this large world, there’s only one person (I only want you) Did you know this about me

sad piano r&b time !! brought to you by yesung and kyuhyun only

harmonies

kyuhyun’s bridge though

easily a candidate for some drama OST

i feel like this album really just had two sides - party rock central and r&b feels

My Only Girl

Even if I cover my ears I can hear it, even if I close my eyes, I can see it Even if I shut my mouth I keep calling out for you I am stupid I hate how I can’t get over you

we really opened this song with “cause i’m lonely” huh (screams at how applicable this still is for them TEN years later)

i love everything about this song except the chorus

the chorus is very underwhelming

My All Is In You

Even though I’m pretending to smile Without knowing why In truth I want to cry

It seems love is ending like this Before I know it our parting is approaching You say “goodbye” To me, letting you go is still difficult Please give me a little more time I can’t live without you My all is in you

another sad breakup bop why are you guys so good at this genre

the percussion comes in so nicely

little strings in the background that help accentuate the words (chef’s kiss)

KRY really were already yelling not even halfway into this song - perf

we literally are only in the second chorus folks

this song is great, it’s only sin was that it said “rap line you just don’t get lines”, so rip heechul, hyukjae, and shindong

Shake it Up!

the original - way less electro, more acoustic

has a very lo-fi beginning and then it amps up

has some interesting high pitched synth piano twiddling up there

a tad slower than the remix, but not by much if at all

dude the horns coming in behind hyukjae’s rap !! it fucks !

if the remix version’s vibe is people having fun in the club, this one’s vibe is a summer bbq party in the backyard

god i really love the horn line - it gives it such a nice vibe

another point in the “feel good” bucket

In My Dream

She’s walking away Embracing another person My chest’s like it’s being crushed under a heavy weight

I’m dreaming again, right? Cold sweat runs down my body It hurts to dream about things, I hate to remember

I wish I would fall asleep forever like this I wake up with her presence still… although I hope I don’t dream again, Like today, it seems I fall asleep with her presence

piano and string sadness here we go

bring back SJ KRY + donghae + sungmin

this chorus for this song stabs me in the heart every time

i’m mad where’s the MV for the heart-wrenching sad ballad

kings of emotional power vocals

we really are out here singing our hearts out about that ex-girlfriend that haunts us as we try to fall asleep

if they ever perform this all ELF in the vicinity would immediately die

One Fine Spring Day

A warm wind is blowing like it was that night The flowers you lovingly planted have bloomed Before I know it spring has come again I still want to deeply sleep like it’s winter

You are so very far, so very far To be honest I miss you every day Even the very small, very small trivial things make me think of you every day

still laughing the ryeowook brought up bonamana as his favorite album on weekly idol bc it contained his first ever solo track ;kasjf;aksdf king of promoting only himself

this is v soft, v much aligned with the little prince image that wasn’t even in the works yet

the imagery of the lyrics man. cute winter to spring yearning uwus

s o f t e s t

like this is literally the song that inspired every fanfic writer that’s ever written ryeowook as persephone in some greek god au

Good Person

When you laugh I feel good too, even when you say it’s just pretend You bring happiness to the days when I wait for you, the nights when I miss you Even when I’m alone it’s okay if I can just see you I’m always behind you, I’m always looking out for you, but it seems like I have to share

The difference between me and the person who makes you cry is that all I can do is comfort you

this song sounds like something that would be in the opening of an animated show that takes place in a high school

now that i’m looking at the lyrics, this is literally an upbeat sounding song accepting that they’ve been friendzoned and all they can do is support her relationship with the other guy

bittersweet nostalgia bop i guess

Here We Go

cue family/action movie credit music vibes

i don’t have much to say about it - i just isn’t something i’d listen to on the regular

it’s just happy-go-lucky finale type music

it has a really old-school hyukjae/shindong rap verse lmao

vocal line is out here yelling, very on-brand

[tamersmile888]

Wolf Pack: Chapter 15 Season Finale

Life is unpredictable. One minute you're having the best time expecting things to stay the same forever. The next day you wake up and everything's changed. You don't even see it coming.

The storm took us by surprise when we least expected it. No one had any idea that everything we knew would be turned upside down in an instant. Swept away in the path of a tempestuous thief. It took our homes, our memories...and our loved ones.

All gone. Like they were never there at all. We lost so much. Artwork, photographs, restaurants, the museum. The storm even washed away Arcadia Bay. It took our friends. Our family. Grandpa Stephen, Trevor...Karen.

There was so much sorrow and devastation. Words couldn't describe the pain and the burdens the storm put on us. But we still had so much to be grateful for. Our lives and the world around us may look different from this point on, but thank God for the ones who were saved. In times like this, we had to be brave and uplifting. We were stronger than the storm and we were determined to rebuild. We could never replace what we lost, but we could create a brighter future. One day at a time.

                                (Build by Starshine on the gallery)

It had been a tough time for all of us. We were all impacted in some way. For me and my friends, it was a lot to deal with. It was the end of senior year. We were about to graduate. Then the storm blew in and it took some of our classmates with it. We thought it would be good for us to get away, so we rented a cabin in the woods for a couple of days. Just to escape for awhile and take our minds off of everything.

We settled in, made food and juice drinks and just hung out on the patio. I kept an eye on Lyla to make sure she was in a good place. After Abraham lost his parents, he joined the army. He said he wanted to honor them in some way, to make up for all the ways he messed up. I don't think he could handle staying here knowing that they weren't around anymore. We ended up losing him too. Lyla was holding up pretty well, but she could dive into her moods sometimes. I wanted to be there for her if she needed me to be.

For the most part, everyone was in high spirits. Diaz and I talked about our plans after graduation. I was all set for art school, which hopefully led to a career as an artist. Diaz was still on the fence. He didn't really know what he wanted to do. I told him that was okay. He had time to figure it out. He could always be Oscar's busboy if nothing else worked out. He said if there was free food involved, he might consider it. All jokes aside, Diaz was smart and charismatic. Whatever he decided to do, I know he'd be great at it.

All through the night, we listened to Jag play some mellow tunes on his guitar and had a pretty chill time.

We laughed about old times like the day I was first introduced to the squad and how everyone was interrogating me. I didn't mind. I was just glad to make so many friends on my first day. Even though we're not as close with the others as before, I still miss them. It's always hilarious whenever the whole gang gets together. Thankfully, they're all okay too. 

We also reminisced about our parties at the drive-in. Thank God that was still around too. Diaz said he was going to tell his kids about it one day. Maybe it would become a tradition for all of us. Something to keep us together, like a family. Cheers to that.

Later on that night, we watched a movie together.

Girls choice. It was kind of hard to get into at first, but once it picked up it was surprisingly entertaining.

Immediately after it went off, me and Jag went to the work-out room. In desperate need for bro time.

June checked in with Lyla, making sure she was okay. Lyla said she was taking it moment by moment. She was managing. They talked for a while. I was glad she was opening up. That she didn't have to go through this alone.

We ended the night binge watching Game of Wolves. I had to keep explaining everything to June who was actually getting into it. And with all the jump scares, we did way more snuggling watching werewolves than we did watching royal couples sip chamomile.

Lyla, Diaz and I were the first ones up in the morning. The early birds. I made everyone breakfast and Diaz turned it into a competition to see how long it would take me. I'm sure it had nothing to do with him starving and this was his way of getting me to move faster. Since I finished in record timing, Lyla assigned Diaz on breakfast duty for tomorrow morning. He quickly reminded her that we would be on the way back home by then. She said she expected him at her house by 10 AM anyway and that she was a waffle girl.

While we ate, Diaz challenged everyone to a game of Truth or Dare. I was totally in.

Everyone else was a little hesitant to join in, but after Diaz promised we wouldn't get too crazy, they hopped on board.

We gathered back on the patio to start the game.

Diaz chose dare. Of course. I dared him to prank call Oscar. He was totally down. He disguised his voice and called Oscar using a phone app, putting it on speakerphone. He told him he found the “Roller Rink” money and if Oscar wanted his share he should meet him at Riverbank park in an hour. There was a long pause on the other line then Oscar hung up. It was kind of hilarious, but I really hoped no one got hurt because of it. Anything involving an angry Spooky could not end well.

Lyla chose dare and Diaz dared her to rummage through the garbage. That was not a challenge for Lyla. She actually enjoyed grossing everyone out. She really dug in there. Making certain all of this wasn't for nothing, she scavenged until she found something good.

Only Lyla would find a treasure map in a can full of garbage. She said she would do some hunting when she got home. Collectibles were easy money.

Because I couldn't resist making an idiot out of myself for the sake of laughs, I chose dare. Lyla dared me to let her give me a makeover and take a selfie, which I then had to post on my social media. I think I looked pretty good in guyliner. The 80′s wig I would have to get used to though.

It was June's turn, but she chickened out and went for truth. She said she had nothing to hide. So I asked her, “What's the craziest thing you've ever done?”

She said one time she, Asher and Shantiya were walking home from the mall. They were getting tired and they didn't have money for S-rider, so she went up to the road and stuck out her thumb like she'd seen in the movies. Some old hippie couple driving a rundown floral RV stopped by and asked if they needed a ride. They got in the back of the RV, sat on the shaggy rug, and the old couple told them stories about their college band while they drove them home. She made sure they were blocks away from her actually house, but they arrived safely. They never told anyone. Until now.  And I wished I hadn't asked.

Hitchhiking is dangerous. She could have gotten hurt. She said she'd never do again, but she enjoyed the  experience. She loved hearing other people's stories. It gave her a greater appreciation for life and strangers. 

Finally, it was Jag's turn. He also chose to reveal his deep (but hopefully less scary) secrets, so June asked if he had finally kissed Chandler. He signed that a gentlemen doesn't kiss and tell. It was pretty much obvious from the smile on his face. His face told it all.

Later on in the day, June and I snuck off on our own to get some alone time. I brought up the tragic issue that our friends were having trouble trying to find a couple's name for us. The majority was going for SJ, but we both agreed that was uninspired. She liked Jean. We both loved wearing jeans. Why not pick a name that perfectly described our relationship? My personally favorite was Juse. It rolled off the tongue quite nicely.

We got a kick out of trying to come up with the silliest combinations. Then we just embraced each other and sat in silence, enjoying each other's company. A few blissful moments later, June came up with the perfect name for us. “Sun. We shine brighter when we're together.”

We'd been through a lot over these past few months. More than anyone should ever have to go through. But having each other made it easier. I would do whatever it took to make sure I was that light for her because in the cloudiest days and the darkest nights, she was my star.

[benhardyisdaddy]

Love Of My Life - Part 16

MASTERLIST 

(hi guys welcome to the last part of loml ugh i loved this series so much with all of my heart and thank u to everyone who supported it!!! i hope you all enjoy this <3) 

Word Count: 1,710

You rushed through the airport and ignore all of the odd expressions everyone around you were giving. You had your mind set on one thing and one thing only. You gripped your luggage tight and hurriedly search for the exit, finally spotting it. Before you’re outside, the loud sound of thunder booms everywhere around you. The sky was starting to form large, angry and dark clouds. You finally made it outside and you could practically already smell the rain. You weren’t going to let that bother you. You look around frantically and spot an empty taxi parked just down the sidewalk. You zoom towards it as the driver spins around and spots you, a grin on his face. 

“Bonjour!” he says sweetly. 

You smile to him and try to catch your breath. 

“Bonjour! I apologize, I don’t speak much French.” 

The man smiles and bows his head a bit, understanding. 

“No worries, madame. Would you like a ride?” 

All you can do is smile as you jump inside and quickly tell the kind man where exactly to go.

***

On your way back to the hotel, you find yourself and the man talking about your situation. You explain everything as he sympathizes with you. His wife passed away too.

“Sadness will always be there.” he tells you. “I never thought I would love again, but it’s what my Bella would have wanted. You feel this sense of abandonment. Like you’re forgetting who they are and what they were to you. Like their existence will become one with the shadows, but it won’t. You’ll always have them in your heart and they’ll live on forever.” 

You couldn’t help but shed a few tears as he spoke. It was so fluid and beautiful. It was exactly what you needed to hear. Who knew the kindness of a stranger is exactly what you needed at this moment.

“Thank you, Louis.” you say, sniffling a bit. “You have no idea how much I needed that.” 

Louis looks into the rear view mirror and smiles. 

“It’s something I wish someone had told me when my Bella left. It’s the truth. You don’t have to thank me, madame. Let’s just get you to where you need to be.” 

And he kept his promise. He was driving like a madman as he zoomed past cars and hurried. You started noticing familiar sights and knew you were close. Suddenly, seeing everything became difficult when an angry and sudden storm hits. Rain is pouring down in buckets as Louis slows his speed. You can barely see anything up ahead. You were antsy and impatient, worried you wouldn’t make it on time. Worried Roger would be gone.

“Ah, he we are.” says Louis. 

You lean over and look out your window, spotting your hotel. Your heart is racing and your stomach is flip flopping. You’re so nervous. Just as you’re grabbing your purse, Louis speaks. 

“Madame, is that him? The man you were telling me about?” he asks fast. 

You look up and lean forward, suddenly spotting Roger. He’s still here! He has his luggage and is speaking to another taxi driver. The trunk is open as he’s placing his items inside. He’s about to leave. You gasp as the trunk closes and Roger goes to open the back door. 

“Go!” says Louis to you. 

You jump and fling the door open. You get out of the car and the rain is soaking you. You squint your eyes and move the damp hair from your face. Roger’s about to get in the car as you yell out to him. 

“Roger!” 

He doesn’t hear you. 

You begin running and yelling again. 

“Roger!” 

Just as he’s about to get inside, he stops. He slowly turns his head towards you and freezes. You stop running and just stare at him. He has a confused look on his face as he takes a step forward. 

“Y/n?” he calls out. 

You smile at the sound of his voice as you walk towards him. You both were drenched. 

“I’m so sorry!” you shout against the loud rain. “I’m so sorry for everything! For how I acted, for leaving! I regret it all!” 

His face falls slightly. 

“You regret it all?” he asks. 

You smile and shake your head as you walk up to him. 

“I don’t regret you.” 

His face slowly turns into a sweet smile as he fills the empty space in front of you. You both are looking at each other as he leans his hand forward and moves some hair from your face. 

“Are you sure?” he asks. 

You nod your head and gently place your hand over his. 

“I’m sure. Will you forgive me?”  

“Will you forgive me?” he asks, his face going sad. 

“A million times over.” 

He smiles and leans in slightly. 

“Then me too.” 

And with that, he leans in all the way and places his lips on yours. His hands cup your face as the rain pours over you. He leans away and kisses your forehead. You wrap your arms around him and hug him tightly, not wanting to let go. You turn your head against his chest and open your eyes. Across the street, you spot John. He’s standing there with rain all around him, a smile on his face. He nods his head to you, giving you his blessing. Tears well up in your eyes as you smile back to him. Suddenly, he drifts away and disappears completely. Your John was officially gone and you have finally accepted it. 

Roger pulls you even closer to him and back to reality. You lean away and look up at him, admiring every feature on his face. His arms are around your waist and for the first time in a long time, you finally feel at home. 

***

2 Years Later

***

“Look at him.” you whisper. 

You’re sat in your hospital bed as your tiny baby boy is fast asleep in your arms. Roger’s sat beside you as you both stare down and admire him. 

“I can’t believe he’s ours.” he whispered back, making you chuckle. 

“Good team work.” you tease, making him lean in and gently kiss you. 

There’s a quiet knock at your door as it slowly opens up. A nurse tip toes in and smiles widely at you as she walks up and looks to the baby. Her heart melts at his little face. 

“How precious.” she says. 

You all agree and you can’t stop smiling.

“So, Mr. and Mrs. Taylor, have you came up with a name for him yet?” she asks. 

You and Roger looked at each other and smile sweetly, giving each other a knowing look. 

“We have.” you say looking back down at your baby. “John. John Meddows Taylor.” 

The nurse smiles and ‘awwws’. 

“What a lovely name.” she says. 

You and Roger smile as you nod your head. You gently run your finger over your babies brow, causing him to squirm slightly and smile, making your heart melt.

“Named after a lovely man.” you whisper, your eyes never leaving your baby.

***

It was late in the night and your baby had just fallen asleep. You place him in his tiny bed and make yourself comfortable in the hospital bed. You pull the blankets over you as Roger walks up with something behind his back. You smile at him and then squint your eyes, knowing he’s hiding something. 

“What do ya got there?” you ask curiously. 

Roger says nothing as he slowly moves his hands in front of himself and reveals an envelope. Your heart drops and you know. 

“It’s for you.” he says, placing it on your lap. “I’m gonna walk around for a bit, give you some time to read it.” 

He kisses you on the head and then turns around and walks out. You’re left with a letter on your lap as John’s handwriting is looking up at you. You’re nervous. You’re heart's racing as you gently open it and slide out the paper. You begin reading. 

My Darling Y/n, 

If things had gone the way I planned, you’re with Roger. You have no idea how happy I am with the idea of you two loving and protecting each other. It makes my heart happy, please believe me. Also, thank you. Thank you for opening your heart and loving again like I had asked of you. You deserve all of the happiness in the world. If I could be the one to give it you, I would. Believe me. 

Please know that you’re everything I had always wanted. You’re the greatest gift in my life. It was an honor being in love with you. You made my life better in so many ways and I thank you for that. Loving you was the greatest gift I could have ever gotten and I see myself as the luckiest man in the world, just like Roger is now. 

I told Roger to give you this note when you had kids. Something inside of me said it would be with him. I just know. I need you to know how lucky that baby (or babies) are to have you as a mother. You make every life worth living. You will be an amazing mother and I just know it. I’m just sorry I was never able to give you a family like we had so desperately wanted. You have no idea how embarrassingly happy I am for you. For you both. 

I must go, my love. This is my last letter to you, for I’m getting more and more tired every day. Thank you for being my wife and best friend. Thank you for choosing me to love. I love you beyond words. 

Goodbye For Now, 

Your John 

P.S. You’re the love of my life - forever and always, no matter what 

You were smiling as you finish the letter. Tears streamed down your face and for the first time in a long time, they weren’t sad. You couldn’t have been more happier in that moment. You were choked up as you run your fingers along John’s handwriting, gasping slightly, trying to calm down. You smiled down at the letter as you nod. 

“Mine too, John.” you whisper. “Mine too.” 

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[piddies0709]

Walking on Glass A little SJ fandom rant

Wow.... How about that new episode of Samurai Jack? Pretty trippy right? I mean, that part where he eats something and his head turns into a fish. Like how dose that work exactly? Pretty funny, huh? Heh...heh...heh... Where do I begin? So happen was, last night was the premiere of the new Samurai Jack season 5 episode 8, in which Jack and Ashi are making their way across the desert. Hmm... Why dose this sound familiar? Anyway, during their ride on a giant camel monster used as a bus, Jack and Ashi find themselves in a pretty close to each other and it is that this point where they're relationship takes quite a turn. During their journey, they come across a large spaceship to escape a dust storm. Only to find out that the ship is still infested by a leach monster. After they finally defeat it, at the heat of the moment Jack and Ashi then make out and that when the “fans” starting setting fire to their insides. 

 I said I was gonna get back to the messy subject and the hail storm of raging “fans” that apparently this episode has brought upon. After reading through a number of these hissy-fit heated debates, I couldn't help but laugh at a few, roll my eyes at most and have the rest cause me to put my hands in my face. Seriously, all it took was a kiss and some awkward but sweet bonding moments for people to get up in arms saying crap like “They ruined the show!” “How could you Genndy?” “The show's gone downhill.” And those are just some of the less visceral comments I've seen.... It really makes me sad. It really makes me sad to see a show I loved as a kid, get second chance at finishing it's story and the one tiny moment that wasn't even remotely negative in any way, would then cause such a shit storm, that I have to sit back and wonder why did I have to be born as a human being... Oh am I sounding bit harsh here? *eh-hem* I suppose some would prefer it if I went back to my dark little corner of the internet and remain silent like I usually do. Heck No! I feel I should be aloud to express my own opinion, while setting somethings straight. (Pun not intended.) Now, I will not be completely demonizing people who are against this ship, because some do have a few valid points as to why they don't like it or this episode and thats understandable. I'm not saying you have to like it. Again it's all matter of choice and opinion. (get use to hearing that.) But! What I am irritated by is how people are practicality screaming out things like “Pedophile” “Forced” “Rushed” “Poorly Written” “Not gay equals bad” “Boy-cot” and other things that are just... Really really stupid... So I may has well give you guys my own two cents here. I don't expect to change any minds here; just take what I say with a grain of salt. You have plenty of it, anyway...

“Jack and Ashi should have been platonic. Like father and daughter.”

The moment I was first introduced to Ashi in episode 1, I knew she was going to play some important roll in the new season. I knew she was going to be some kind of ally to Jack. She wasn't a mindless drown like her sisters. She was curious about the world. Now keep in mind, from the beginning, I wasn't automatically shipping these two. I knew a bond was gonna form between them eventually, but I really didn't know what type of relationship it was gonna be, nor did I care. Yes, it didn't really matter to me, father/daughter, teacher/student, boyfriend/girlfriend, whatever! All I cared about was seeing these two lost souls find happiness in one another. They make a great team already, so no matter which way it was gonna go, I was going to be satisfied either way. Being the gray smudge that I am, I kept an open mind about this. I'm not a big crack shipper anyway. Then again I don't get into ships that much because I know how scary they can be. So thats why I stick with pairings that are canon and that I like. But I'm sure that this might be one of the reasons why people were a upset by this. They were really hoping for that platonic relationship. Sorry, don't know what tell you there. Not everything in a show is gonna go your way. This is what Genndy wanted, but just because you didn't agree with it, doesn't mean you should be flat out calling it bad writing and hate the rest of the series for it!  I'll get into the pacing issues later, right now it's time to adress the elephant in the room...

“Jack's too old for Ashi and Ashi's a little girl!”

Yes, time is a BIG issue in this series and I can understand the problem some “fans” are having with the whole age gap thing. Like he should be really old by this point, but heres the thing. Jack doesn't age. He's still stuck in his 20's psychically AND mentally. Yes, I said mentally as well. His mind is worn out but not old. Like Jack said, time has lost it's a effect on him. As for Ashi, I'm almost more than certain that she's in her 20's as well. The real problem shouldn't be the fact that he's older than her. The REAL problem should be the fact that he can't age but she still can. Really, I'm surprised nobody's getting more mad with Aku about this, since, you know? He's the one responsible for this whole issue in the first place. Whats more annoying though, is the fact that this has become the main and almost only reason “fans” have for not liking this pairing! I mean come on! I can go on for why Edward and Bella are a bad couple, not just because he's a hundred years old, but also because despite being a hundred he still goes to high school for some reason, acts like a creep around Bella, calls her his personal brand of heroine (and how much he wants to eat her.) breaks into her room to watch her sleep at night and throws her against the wall. Yet she does absolutely nothing about it and still acts so dependent on him like she can't stand on her own two feet! * hem* Getting a off topic, I should also point out that this is not the first time we've seen a fictional couple where one person is way older than the other. It's been done many times in media. Aragon and Arwen, Rose and Greg, Aang and Katara, Inuyasha and Kagome and nobody bats an eye there. But I know you're probably going make excuses as to why I'm wrong for comparing some these couples to Jack and Ashi. “Uh, but Rose isn't even human! She's a gem and they don't age!” Still doesn't change the fact that she's still thousands of years older than him. What does being a rock- I'm sorry, a Mineral not a rock, have to do with her age? And that can go the same for Arwen and Inuyasha as well. “But-but Aang was frozen in a sphere of ice.” Yeah, keeping him persevered for over a hundred something years thus delaying his ability to age until he was set free and why he's still twelve. Even though technically speaking he was born way before Katara was born. Hell, I could dare say that Jack is in his own sphere of ice. Just not literally. Time and age have stopped round him. Thing is, even with out the fifty year time-skip Jack would still be considered thousands of years old since he comes from feudal era Japan. So no matter what girl he ended up with in this future, he would still be way older than her regardless. The more I hear this excuse brought up, the less water it holds and the more desperate it sounds. Especially when you have no other strong argument to bring, as to why these two shouldn't be together. Oh, and don't even think about calling it pedophilia! Just because we saw Ashi growing up as a child doesn't mean she is one now. I'm pretty certain she's past the teen stage. In fact we even saw what she looked like during that stage. So treating her like she's still a child is kind of insulting, honestly. You're consent miss use of the word, makes me want to strangle myself. Okay I've been ranting about this for too long... Let's- let's get to our next topic.

“ Why does media keep pushing for heterosexual couples? What a bunch of Homophobes!”

*Sssssssiiigggghhh....* I know not everyone who disagrees with this pairing thinks this way, but my God Tumblr... What's with the extremism? I've always tried to be more opened minded about a lot of things. Accept others for who they are and have always said love is a very strange thing. So don't you DARE blindly accuse me as a “homophobe” for what a I'm about to say here... Not everything has to be gay, in order to tell a good love story! There I said it! A good love story is when you can feel the connection between two characters no matter what their sexual preference is. I don't like Ruby and Sapphire just because they're mineral space lesbians, I like them because of how much they care for each other and how they can have fights and make-ups like any other couple and so on and so forth. Thats what makes a good pairing. Also saying it's out of character for Jack to have an attraction to a female because your head-canon tells you he's either ace or homo, is also not true as well. Not saying you still can't have your ace/gay Jack crack ships. You don't have to have canon dictate to you what you can or can't ship. I'm simply saying that Jack has always been attracted to woman in the show. Remember when he got kissed by that girl in the field when he was a kid. He still has fond memories of it. And is it just me or did everyone forgot, Ikra, Josephine, or that creepy flower lady from 'Seasons of Death' happened? Given how nervous he gets around woman he finds attractive and how flustered he gets when seeing Ashi naked, it's clear to me now, that he is definitely not her biological father as well. Now that he's out of his depression, it was only a matter of time before he started falling for Ashi. Why is this anti-hetero/homophobia thing even an argument at all?! Why is it even brought up?

“ But the pacing felt so rushed! How dare they force the love-interest trope down our throats. This came out of nowhere!”

Okay, I'm going to briefly play devil's advocate here. I can get where the rushed pacing argument comes from. But forced? No, put a pin on that last one. We're gonna get back to that later. First I can agree that the pacing felt a bit rushed. (Though this isn't the first time I've enjoyed something with a rushed pace. *cough*9*cough*) Still, keep in mind that the creator was only given ten episodes to work with. So certain things had to be cut out, I'm sure. If they were going make thirteen I'm pretty certain that would have given them more time to further expand on Jack and Ashi's relationship, rather then cramming all the more romanic stuff in it into this episode. However, that doesn't mean that the romance came out of no where. There were some hints dropped here and there since the beginning of episode 3 infact. We got only two more episodes left, so 8 had to be the one to fully confirm how Jack and Ashi are starting to feel for each other. I do feel like there could have been some other things they could have changed in the previous episodes to help further accentuate the relationship a little better in this episode. As far as this season goes, it may not be one of their strongest episodes, but it's not their worst either. I still enjoyed it, romance and all. Honestly I think the real weak point was the conflict of being lost in the ship with the leach creatures. Like where was everyone else, what was the backstory to this space prison. This episode was always going to be about Jack and Ashi falling love no matter what. It's just everything else was going to just feel like a little bit of an after thought. Another complaint I've heard was that this episode felt like “filler” and did nothing to progress the plot of the story. Well, I like to think of this as the calm before the storm. (Irony) You know, a few light-hearted laughs to put us at ease before the shit it's the fan. (At least thats what it was suppose to be...) Though something tells me they're just doing this to break our hearts later... And what lack of plot progression. The plot progression was with Jack and Ashi. With that said, going back to the “forced” bit. As I said before it was hinted at early on, the moment Jack and Ashi started interacting with each other. But I think the problem is because they were hinted at so subtlety, I guess it's kinda easy for most people to miss them. Thing is we don't really know how long it took Jack and Ashi to go from that mounted to that market area or how long it took for them to find that bird. You can use your mind fill in the gaps there. But I feel that to really cover this topic and why I don't find their relationship “forced” I'm going to have to dive in deeper.

Shoot me...

Okay, now I'm going to get into what I think of these two and why I think they work as a pair. Starting off with Jack, he's pretty much been through hell at this point. Losing his home, separated from his family, spends the rest of his childhood training to earn his father's sword, only meets his parents again briefly before he goes off to fight Aku. Only to have the rug pulled out from under him when Aku throws him into the future. For fifty years this man has had to deal with so much pain and suffering. Getting trolled with by Aku, always having something try to kill him, being alone, seeing all the Hell that Aku has raised, suffering from hallucinations and no matter how hard he tries, he can never seem to reach his goal. Ultimately what leads to his depression. The more time passes him by while he remains young, the further and further his goal gets. He has lost all hope. Somewhere during those fifty years, a cult of Aku obsessed women have a ceremony for their High Priestess who's given birth to seven daughters for the soul purpose to kill Samurai Jack. However one of these girls is not like the others. Ashi, does not have the same mind set as her sisters. She's curious about the world outside, wants to see the beauty of nature, but is trapped with in the confides of her abusive mother. Never aloud to play or have fun. Never shown any love or bonding with her family. Forced into training at such a young age and all while being told nothing but lies about the Samurai and what an evil person he is, ruining Aku's “perfect” world. Having never met this man, it only filled Ashi's heart with anger and hate. Now fully grown, training complete, she and her sisters set off to kill Jack. Not knowing what they were getting themselves into. Not realizing that there mother essentially sent them out to die. And thus the journey begins for these two lost souls. Jack struggling to keep moving forward while being haunted by his own negative emotions as well as being hunted down by a shogun of death. Ashi, blinded by hatred towards a man who's done her no wrong, she does not realizes she's fighting for the wrong side. During the search for the Samurai, Ashi and her sisters come across a doe in the forest. That's when the buck shows up. Thinking it's related to Aku, they thing it's come to “devour the weaker one.” What they didn't expect to see was the two deer nuzzling each others noses. This was the first time any of them have seen affection before. Which leaves them so confused, as they were never taught to love but to hate. One of them even says she doesn't like it. I also consider this part foreshadowing. It's is only after he defeats them, does the ball really get rolling. Jack assumes he's killed Ashi like the rest, but the guilt of what he's done continues to eat a way at him. Ashi then wakes up, still hell bent on trying to kill him. She ends up getting restrained by her own chain and it is here, where Jack finally has a chance to see the woman behind the mask. A very troubled woman, who has clearly lost her way like him. Seeing that she is not evil and feeling bad for killing the others, Jack not only lets her live, but goes out of his way to protect her. The real turning point comes when Jack and Ashi escape the goliath monster. Ceasing the opportunity, Ashi slowly starts to creep up on him, while he isn't looking, but just as she's a bout to try and kill him that's when the ladybug appears. This triggers a memory of when she was a child. During her training, she sees a ladybug and lets it land on her hand. Her mother scolds her for this, taking the bug away and killing it in front of her. Going back to reality, that bug flies over to Jack. He rises his hand to it as Ashi watches, wondering what he's about to do. To her surprise, he lets the ladybug go, showing an act of kindness. Causing Ashi to drop her weapon; he's not the monster her mother made him out to be. Through Jack, she learns more about the world, Ashi begins to see the truth as he shows her the beauty of nature and horror that Aku has caused. Ashi does begin to believe him, but the moment that seals the deal is after they save bunch of children from enslavement, Jack freaks out when we thinks they're all dead. He heads off with the Omen (the shogun of death from earlier) to commit suicide and she goes to find him. Thats when she meets some of the people Jack has helped over the years, thats when she fully sees the man he really is. Thinking of her past and all the good Jack has done, this is what inspires her to change her appearance. And it's because of her that Jack was able to regain his hope. She gave him the strength he needed to fight off his own demons. She protected him while he was in deep meditation to find his sword. From an army and her own mother no less. She does not hold any ill will towards him for killing her sisters, as it was out of self defense. It was her mother who sent them out there in the first place. Now that his hope has been restored and is back to being his old self. Now that he gotten to know her and sees how much she has changed for the better, it should come has no surprise that they would start noticing each other in more ways. I mean this is probably the longest anyone has ever traveled with him. So how does any of that sound forced? There was build up. Sorry if you couldn't see it.

Final Thoughts...

Ya know, I find it pathetic that this is the reason people are getting so upset that they want to quit the show when theres only two episodes left to go. And you call yourselves fans... Can't we just wait to see how the out come and then make our criticize afterwards. I'm even more disappointed with the fan-base than I am with the episode because of how everyone is acting like this pairing is such a crime. When this season started I thought this was gonna be fun. But now I'm just left sour over yet another fandom like I was with the “9” fandom. I've seen people literally saying that it made them feel uncomfortable and ruined the WHOLE series for them. Say, you wanna know what makes me feel uncomfortable? Is the more I think about it, the more it disturbs me that anybody will get pissed over a healthy relationship like this one, yet you'll see abusive couples like Harley Quinn and Joker, Fifty Shades of Gray and the of mentioned Twilight get glorified. Am I the only one who sees something wrong there? And after all the shit that Jack and Ashi have been through, wouldn't you want to see them to be happy? Isn't that what many of us wanted? My only concern is now that it's established that Jack and Ashi have deeper feelings for one another, how is the final going to effect them. Are the rumors I keep hearing going to be true? I've always been wanting to know how this series is going to end since I was eight years old and nothing is going to stop me for watching the ending. I don't even care how it's going to end. I don't care if it breaks my heart. At least I will now know and I will accept what ever Genndy has in store. Like I said from the beginning, you're not wrong for disliking or disagreeing with this pairing, I'm not wrong for liking it and thats fine. But don't act like this is such a travesty that it makes you dislike the entire series, don't quite while we're so close to the end. This whole mess has just become childish at this point. But hey, hate me all you want for expressing my opinion. There is nothing you can say to me that hasn't already been said before. Hate never fixes anything. Hate is what got Ashi's sisters killed in the long run. I've been rambling on about this for too long. Now if you excuse me, I'm gonna make some Jashi fan art while I still can. In the mean time enjoy this little quote.

“Believe what you may, but if you open your eyes and let go of the hate. You will see the truth.”

~Jack

[journarl-s]

Flight Log: Arrival

Hi! It’s been a long time since I’m writing something here, I’ve been busy… Not really busy actually, but, yeah…

A lot happened these few days… One of those things that happened is GOT7’s comeback!! Yeayy. I was really looking forward to it and yeah finally the day is arrived. Flight Log: Arrival!

But it’s really unfortunate that Jackson is sick so the first stage and probably all of GOT7’s schedule until 19th will be without Jackson.. #GetWellSoonJackson!!

Anyway, I’ve been listening to Flight Log: Arrival and this is probably my very first time reviewing something. I’m gonna review the album Flight Log:Arrival according to my opinion.

the album has 8 songs including the title track “Never Ever”. In my opinion the album is so good!! I love all the songs but Flight Log:Turbulence still wins my heart.

1.Never Ever

Never Ever is about a guy who is ready and want to start over with his girl. I love the lyric lol like as if they were asking me to marry them because the lyrics said “get an ink get a pen” and there was “let’s sign it” lol what is it?!? And they said they were ready HAHA. The melody and the beat is no like jyp’s at all eventhough it was produced by him, and it’s still got GOT7’s vibe! Overall I love it! And the MV is so good!! They are all very handsome omg I can’t! Mark and Jinyoung killed it! The choreo is somewhat kind of skyway choreo and i like it so much! And like finally, I can tell from the MV that Jinyoung is the one alive and there’s no clue about the other which means the others are dead. And there’s a fan theory that the solo clips of the members showing where they die, and the saddest one is Mark because he died while saving jinyoung :(

2. Shopping Mall

The 2nd track is shopping mall! It is such a shame that KBS banned this song while it just hinted some brands. And at the same day when KBS announced it, Jackson literally followed every official brands’ ig lmao all hail king jackson! I never expected the song to be good tbh because when I first knew the title I thought like “lol wtf is this shopping mall” but then it’s so good! The melody is easy to listen to and mark’s yeoju paju and also bambam’s shyshyshy lol and most of all, jaebum’s rap tho 😍

3. Paradise

the third song is Paradise! Another masterpiece made by park jinyoung! Paradise has the same vibe as mayday, kind of desperate music lol I love desperate melody. but I think that mayday still wins but paradise is not bad either. Mark’s monolog save this song, it’s so good! I love mark’s englishhh and “so dangerous~” kyaaa😍 and apparently there will be choreo for this song, YASSS!!

4. Sign

The fourth one is Sign. This song is composed and written by Youngjae. It’s like what bambam said “sign is the prove it in flight log arrival” couldn’t agree more! This song kind of rnb-ish and such a beautiful song but its lyric is not as sad as sick. The falsetto youngjae did save this song but I feel like I’ve been hearing that melody for sure. I kind of forgot what song but it’s certainly one of dbsk/jaejoong/junsu/sj’s song. And as expected of youngjae, I love his ballad kind of song and it includes Sign.

5. Go Higher

Go higher is so loud I cannot 😂 it kind of has 2pm+bigbang’s sound and it’s perfect song for partying and nice to be jammed with. “From the bottom… To the skyyyy” is my favorite part lmao and bambam killed the rap part! This song is good but sadly, not my kind of song.

6. Q

Another masterpiece by Jaebum!! I truly never expected the song to be so cute since jaebum usually made sad, serious, superb songs. therefore, jaebum’s writing skill never disappoint me! I thought the song is about question mark but then it turned out to be “cue” lol and yes I’m ready to be your lady lmao this song is really good! The first song my ear can accept right away from this album. There is also a choreo for Q and omg it’s really cute!!

7. Out

The next one is Out! Made by Jackson lol all hail king jackson! When a joke become a song tho “wait a minute, I’m out!!” Actually this song is the least that I like from this album because it’s very loud like louder than go higher which is already loud enough.

8. Don’t Care

The last but not least is Yugyeom’s Don’t Care, an rnb song, which is I support the most, go maknae!! I love got7’s rnb songs and I see so much potential in yugyeom. It’s like he will bloom like jaebum now

that’s my review from this album and apparently I love all the songs lol. this album, I think, has different vibe from other kpop albums like the melody is so much different and I find it so distinctive. And I’m still sad that why there’s no got7 in Spotify, jyp, pleaseee duh. and I wish that one day the title track of their next album will be the song that they made because I can see so much potential especially jaebum and youngjae. And most of all, skyway is so lit. It really deserves to be the title track, but then I think there’s no chance for hard carry and never ever to shine if it’s the case. I hope this album will hit it big and then, happy listening to flight log: arrival! don’t forget to stream~

bye bye~

[megalony]

Problem solved- Part 2

I wrote the first part of this new Harry Styles series then got caught up in other fics but I’m finally back to this series, I’ve had some lovely feedback already with only one part posted. I hope you will all like this next part.

Taglist: @lunaticspoem @butlegendsneverdie​ @langdonzvoid @jennyggggrrr​ @rogmeddows @radiob-l-a-hblah​ @rogertaylorsbitontheside @chlobo6​ @rogertaylors-lipgloss​ @sj-thefan​ @omgitsearly​ @luckytrashgooprebel​ @scarsout​ @deaky-with-a-c​ @killer-queen-ofrhye @bluutac​ @vousmemanqueez​ @jonesyaddiction​ @ambi-and-sunflowers @milanosaurus @httpfandxms​ @saint-hardy​ @7-seas-of-fat-bottomed-girls​ @mrsalwayswritex​ @rogerina-owns-me @hellsdragon​ @im-an-adult-ish​ @crazylittlethingg​ @allauraleigh​

Masterlist

Part 1

Summary: Harry offers for (Y/n) and her daughter to come and live with him and his son to help her out of a tricky situation and feelings soon start to develop between them both.

Enjoy.

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"Harry I can't... can you show me again, please?" A sigh followed the end of (Y/n)'s sentence and Harry could see the frustration and nervousness in her flitting eyes.

This wasn't getting any easier for (Y/n) right now and Harry knew that it wasn't going to get easier when she was becoming very impatient. She wanted to get this right and do it all in the first day because the quicker she got this mapped out and remembered the easier things would be. Especially when the social worker came round to see them next week.

"Love, you know you can't do this in a day, don't you? It's gonna take a while."

Harry needed (Y/n) to know that trying to map out his entire house in her head was not going to be an easy thing to do. His house was much bigger than her own and whenever (Y/n) moved homes she had to take a long time until she felt at ease enough to walk around without holding the walls or reaching for furniture to remind herself where she was.

It felt unnerving but a little empowering to (Y/n) when she had lied to her social worker Joanne and said that she was in a new relationship and her and her partner had decided to move in together to make things easier. Joanne didn't even suspect that (Y/n) was lying in order to make sure she could keep custody of her daughter, she was simply happy (Y/n) was having and accepting help to make her life easier.

Harry had been all for moving in as soon as possible to make things easier for all of them and they had gotten all of (Y/n) and Ella's things moved in now. All they had to do now was get (Y/n) used to Harry's house and memorise a layout of the house.

(Y/n) had been to his house many times, but she had only been in a few rooms downstairs and she never made much of a layout in her head. She didn't know where all the pictures on the walls were, where the cabinets and desks and ornaments were. She had to remember exactly where everything was so she could manouevre around the house properly.

"I know but I... I want to memorise it so when Joanne comes, she won't be concerned. She'll see that I can walk round the house and show her to the kitchen without tripping or that I can make it to the washing machine or bathroom without a problem. I want her to see that I can adapt here so she knows how good of a mum I am."

(Y/n) pursed her lips as she sat down on the bed, turning her head to the left when she could feel Harry moving closer until he was suddenly sat down beside her on the bed.

Joanne had given (Y/n) a month to get herself sorted and moved in with Harry before she would come and visit and her visit was only an inspection to see the house and check up on (Y/n). She wasn't assessing (Y/n) straight away or her abilities as a mother or to see if Ella would be better with (Y/n) or James. She was simply there to help (Y/n) if needed and see how she was doing but (Y/n) wanted to show her she was fine and capable. She wanted to prove that moving wasn't too stressful and that she was coping with a new environment just fine.

"When she comes here, she'll see how well you're doing to adapt to a new home and she'll see how happy we both are that you and Ella are here. If you trip or get confused or lost she will know that you aren't superwoman, you can't be expected to know the house from top to bottom in a few weeks."

Harry gently eased his arm around (Y/n)'s shoulders, smiling down at her when she leaned her head on his shoulder, trying to accept and agree with what he was saying because she knew it made sense. But at the same time, her panic was making her desperate to do everything right and make no mistakes. Throughiut her life (Y/n) had to prove to people that she could do everything just as well as they could. She couldn't write but she could read brail, she could listen and imagine movies, she could imagine what things looked like such as colours and ornaments and pictures and people.

She could go to work, she could play music, she could go to the shops and figure out what was on which shelf and where the checkout was. (Y/n) could work out the world around her in seconds, she had gone through a pregnancy and labour and looked after her baby all without her eyesight.

(Y/n) was strong and could do anything she put her mind to, she just needed everyone else to see that.

"Can you show me the room again?" The way her voice was soft like velvet made Harry bite down on his lip before he darted his tongue out to run over both his lips. He was thankful right now that she couldn't see him or the effect her soft yet inviting voice had on him.

"Course, love." Harry cleared his throat when he realised how quiet and croaky his voice sounded.

Harry slowly got to his feet before he moved around when (Y/n) stood up so that he was standing behind her. He had to control his breathing when he pressed his chest up to her back so she couldn't feel any hitched breaths he had or the way his heart was fluttering in his chest. With (Y/n)'s lack of sight it meant that her other senses were how she saw the world and they were amplified. She could always feel when Harry was breathing faster or the slightest change in his stance and she knew exactly what it meant. He would hate for her to feel the effect she had on him.

To try and help (Y/n) learn her way around the house and where everything was, Harry had taken to standing behind her and guiding her around the house. He was being her eyes for her, walking her around the house so she could take in everything and try to remember it. Once she was sure she knew where everything was, she could do a lap of the house on her own and see if she was okay with the layout and where things were.

(Y/n) tensed her fingers and stretched them out to try and stop the nerves rattling through her before she felt Harry's hands resting on top of her own.

"Okay, seven steps from the bed until you reach the chest of drawers against the wall." Harry's soft low-pitched voice murmured quietly into (Y/n)'s ear where his lips were hovering as they walked as if they were conjoined. Their hands reached out in front of them until (Y/n) could lower them and feel the top of the polished wooden chest of drawers she was now using.

When deciding where to put her clothes (Y/n) knew it would be easier to keep them in the same order as when she was at her home. Her socks and underwear in the first drawer, vests and shirts in the middle drawer and trousers and leggings in the bottom drawer. All her dresses, pressed shirts and jumpers were in a wardrobe next to Harry's lined against the back wall and (Y/n) kept them in the same order as when at home to make it easy. Many of her coat hangers had paper labels on that had brail on them so she knew which item was which and what colour it was, etc,.

"Necklaces and rings are in here... the picture of us is there." (Y/n) spoke quietly and Harry assumed she was merely reminding herself of the items as she spoke. He loved watching and feeling the way her fingers skimmed over the dark blue metal box containing her jewellery or the picture frame he sat on the right side of the drawer.

Even though (Y/n) couldn't see pictures she still wanted them in her home and since this was technically her home, she wanted pictures of all of them around the house. She trusted Harry when he said which picture was better and he described them to her in enough detail to make her smile and imagine it herself.

"The wardrobe is over there... a-and the door is here." (Y/n) pointed out to the left before she started slowly walking towards where she thought the door was. Breathing in relief when she felt the door handle and opened the door, making sure she remembered the steps it took to get there from the chest of drawers.

"See, you're getting there, love."

"And you're sure us sharing a room is okay? I mean we're not exactly... together."

(Y/n) turned her head to the left but a shiver ran down her spine when she could feel Harry's breaths fanning gently against her nose and cheek. Even though she couldn't see him, she could almost see the way he was staring down at her. She could feel his stare burning into her features and it made her chest quake.

As much as (Y/n) was intrigued and nervous about sharing a room with Harry, she wanted to make sure he was okay with this. It wasn't exactly normal considering they weren't in an actual relationship.

This was all fake.

They were best friends living together with their children but pretending to be in a relationship to make sure that (Y/n) was able to keep sole custody of her daughter. Sharing a room was something Harry had proposed, he said it would be better in case Joanne wanted to look around the house and see where they were sleeping. And considering (Y/n) was used to sharing with James and having him there for help it seemed like a good idea. If (Y/n) needed to get up during the night Harry was there in case she tripped or had a nightmare which he knew happened a lot. It would also be easier for the kids to understand.

"Trust me love, it's fine. We've shared a room loads of times before and it's the easiest option."

"Okay then."

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"Elliot, honey do you want something to eat?" (Y/n) reached her hand out and gently ruffled his hair, feeling the fluffy strands of hair carding through her fingers like cotton wool.

The five year old seemed to be following (Y/n) around a lot the past two days she and Ella had officially moved in with him and Harry. (Y/n) had been a part of Elliot's life since he had been born so he was very comfortable around her like she was one of the family which was very good. But he was never normally this attached to her.

Moreover, he didn't seem too confused or intrigued by the fact that she couldn't see. Elliot seemed to take it in his stride, he questioned a lot of things because his capacity of understanding was different than the other kids but he never questioned why (Y/n) couldn't see. He even gave her some of the pictures he drew or painted at preschool even though he knew she couldn't see them. (Y/n) sometimes thought it was so she could appreciate what he was doing and how he was trying.

Elliot was a reserved child, he liked to be on his own or surrounded by family depending on his mood and the day he was having. It was also hard for him to communicate because it took people a while to understand what he was saying. He had a speech impediment so he kept his sentences short both so it was easier for him and easier for everyone else to try and understand him.

"Hmm, cheese sandwich please."

The answer was predictable but (Y/n) knew she had to ask him anyway. There were only a few options Elliot would actually eat and a cheese sandwich was what he mainly ate for dinner nearly every day.

"Okay honey, could you just find me your plate please?"

As much as (Y/n) was trying to get her bearings in this new home, it was much larger than her old home and there were so many changes. The layout of the kitchen was different, the drawers were different sizes and the cupboards were in different places with different handles. It was becoming a tiny bit easier to try and remember where everything was kept but (Y/n) was still unused to it all.

Plus, Elliot had specific cups and plates that he liked to use, he had one particular plate with his favourite cartoon character on that he always had his sandwiches on. (Y/n) remembered Harry telling her this but she couldn't remember where it was kept and right now she didn't know the feel of the plate so she wouldn't be able to find it anyway.

"Thank you honey, why don't you go and see if Ella wants something?" (Y/n) rested Elliot's plate on the counter in front of her when he passed it to her. But a rush of adrenaline coursed through her stomach suddenly when she felt Elliot gently and cautiously take hold of her hand and sway it between them for a moment before she heard him toddling off out of the kitchen. Something in the back of her mind told her that he had done that as a small gesture that he was there or a sign that he was about to go out of the room.

It didn't take too long for (Y/n) to find the bread and butter, it took a little longer to work out what object in the fridge was cheese but she managed to find it.

"Knives... knives?" (Y/n) mumbled to herself under her breath as she tried to find which drawer held the cutlery so she could cut the cheese and spread the butter but a gasp left her lips in shock when something sliced against her hand.

Pulling her hands to her chest, (Y/n) curled her fingers around her thumb, hissing under her breath before biting her lip when she could feel the blood starting to stick against her fingers and leak between the grooves of her hands. She kept forgetting this was a new home. Sharp knives were normally kept in a box in a cupboard so something like this didn't happen but it seemed too trivial and silly for (Y/n) to ask Harry to do for her.

"Hey love, Elliot said- are you alright?"

Harry could see that his voice made (Y/n) jump, she clearly hadn't been paying attention to the noises around her or she would have heard him approaching. He leaned around her to try and see what was wrong but his lips pursed together when he realised she must have hurt herself since the cutelry drawer was left open.

"Let me see." His voice was gentle and his hands were cautious yet smooth as they reached out and cocooned around hers. He slowly pulled her hands closer to him before he opened them like he was slowly prizing open an oyster shell to see the pearl hidden within.

(Y/n) silently let Harry tug her over to the sink before she shivered at the feeling of the cold stream of water battering against her thumb trying to wash away the blood.

"What does it look like?"

"It's not that bad love, just a small cut-"

"No, I meant the blood... why are some people so scared of it?"

Harry's eyes narrowed as he looked up from (Y/n)'s thumb to look at her enamouring eyes that were now darting up behind her eyelid and back down again rather than going from side to side. She couldn't always control the way her eyes moved and sometimes they didn't move at all, only really when she was nervous or zoning out.

It was normal for (Y/n) to ask Harry things like this, she saw the world in a sheet of darkness, her sense of touch, smell hearing and taste were her eyes and her imagination was like drawing on black paper with black ink. She had never seen anything before so imagining it was almost impossible.

(Y/n) couldn't imagine what her own daughter looked like, she couldn't imagine what Harry looked like or what a microphone was. Something trivial like a carpet or a pebble or even water, they were all things (Y/n) had no idea what they looked like and feeling them was so different to what it really was. She had a few friends who were uneasy around blood, it made them queasy just like the smell of certain foods made (Y/n) want to be sick or faint. But she wondered what was so bad about blood that made people feel that way.

"I... I think it's the thought of it, rather than how it looks. Blood is special, it's meant to be in your body, so when some people see it it's the thought that scares them." Harry knew that a lot of blood from a serious injury was a different thing but for some people, seeing small droplets of blood worried them because of what it could lead to. The thought of blood was worse than what it actually was or looked like.

"Can you describe it to me?"

(Y/n)'s voice was timid and it was so gentle and caring like she was asking Harry something so important yet in such a laid back, loving kind of way.

She could feel her heartbeat starting to increase when she felt Harry smoothing his thumb over her own, brushing away the blood in such a way that (Y/n) could feel butterflies flying underneath the surface of her skin and spilling out with her blood.

"It's thin, everything you hear makes it seem thick like gravy but it's not, it's thinner than water. It looks delicate right now and when it mixes with the water it doesn't really change colour, it just looks... thinner." Over the years he had known (Y/n), Harry had gotten rather good at describing anything (Y/n) asked, even trivial things that he would never think about describing before. Blood was definitely a different, more out of the blue one, but he was sure he had done a good enough job for (Y/n) to come up with some sort of idea or image of it.

(Y/n) didn't know how to respond to his rather beautiful description so she simply squeezed Harry's hand, feeling her heart jumping again when Harry pulled her with him away from the sink. It felt like the atmosphere was changing but (Y/n) didn't want it to. She wanted to stay in this thick, weird but rather intoxicating moment with him.

She relished in the feeling of Harry dabbing at her thumb with a towel, feeling the fluff smoothing against her skin and prickling against her cut skin before it was suddenly replaced with pressure when Harry wrapped a plaster around her thumb.

"All better." Harry didn't think before his next movement, he automatically brought (Y/n)'s hand to his mouth and pressed his lips against her thumb.

Even though the plaster was in the way, (Y/n) could still feel his lips against the pad of her thumb. She could feel the creases and indents in his lower lip that felt like a plush cushion against her skin. His lips were slightly bumpy in places from where he had been biting them out of nervous habit but they were still so delicate and plump. The more he pressed his lips against her thumb, the more tingling sensations (Y/n) felt under her skin and she could feel a touch of saliva when her thumb pressed against the inner parts of his lips. It made her feel like she was touching him intimately, that he was letting her in somewhere that no one else could go.

"Uncle Harry?"

The feeling disappeared. (Y/n) had never felt like something had been ripped away from her so quickly and rudely before now and she missed the feeling of his lips against her skin.

Harry was quick to pull away and spin round on his heels to look down at Ella who was staring up at him with her big blue eyes that were sparkling in the kitchen light. He guessed both his and (Y/n)'s senses had been dulled considering neither of them had heard or felt the presence of the little girl who had snuck up on them.

"What's up, little lady?" Bending down, Harry looked at Ella like she was the only person worth listening to in the world and she could see she had captured his full attention which only made her smile brighter.

"Are you mummy's boyfriend?" The sudden question floored Harry for a few brief moments and he turned to look behind him as if (Y/n) would see his unsure expression and tell him exactly what to say right now.

"Um, yeah he is baby."

"Do I still call you uncle Harry?" There was a surprised tone to Ella's voice but (Y/n) could clearly hear the excitement there which made her breathe in relief. She just had to hear Harry's answer to know if he was okay with her telling the kids this. They seemed to have silently agreed this is what they would tell them but (Y/n) knew Elliot would take it one of two ways, but with how he was following her around it might be a good thing to tell him.

Harry wanted stability for Elliot and this was going to help him with that as well as give Ella more security and stability by having someone her age living with them and having another father figure around, even if it was fake.

"You call me whatever you want, little lady."

[megalony]

I’ll get him back

I’ve had a bit of writers block lately but I’ve finally managed to get another murderer! Ben Hardy imagine done and I’m very happy with this one, there will be a second part soon.

I hope you all like it, feedback is always lovely.

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Murderer! Ben masterlist

Summary: (Y/n) and Ben have just had their first baby, but social services get involved when they find out Ben is involved in a murder investigation.

Enjoy.

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A tired but heart-warming smile formed on (Y/n)'s lips as she stared tiredly down at the newborn resting in the crook of her arm. She knew that she was never going to get used to the feeling of having her baby boy resting in her arms like this.

She liked the feeling when she trailed her fingertip gently over the side of his face that felt so smooth and fuzzy like she was delicately touching the skin of a peach. There was just something so intimate and delicate about brushing his cheek or rubbing her thumb over the back of his miniscule hand. (Y/n) was sure that when she did that, he knew who she was. Even though he was only a day old, he knew she was his mum.

(Y/n) held him that little bit closer to her chest, trying not to move him too much since he was asleep and settled in the crook of her elbow, but she wanted to feel him as close to her chest as she could.

Touching the back of his head was something (Y/n) had been afraid of from the moment she had gone into labour. She knew that his head was the most delicate part of him since the bones of his skull weren't fully fused together yet. When she grazed her fingers over the back of his head for the first time, feeling that bump and the soft squishy skin made her stomach churn because she didn't want to hurt him. (Y/n) also knew that the rest of his skin was delicate because it was still forming its layers and when she was allowed to give him a bath she would have to be very careful and not use soap so the layer of skin could still form and grow.

She hadn't been able to give him a bath yet, (Y/n) hadn't been able to do very much with her newborn at all. He was only one day old and so far this was the longest that she had held him for. The midwives had taken him the moment he was born to check him over and clean him up and weigh him, then (Y/n) had needed a blood transfusion. By the time she had started to feel better and not like she was swimming through different states of consciousness, her baby boy had already been changed and fed and settled for the night. It left (Y/n) to catch up on her own sleep and simply see her baby boy in the morning instead.

She wanted to catch up on the time she had lost with him last night, she wanted to feed him and change him and just hold him in her arms and feel close to the person she had waited almost nine months to finally meet.

"Does he look like a Billy to you?"

Ben's voice suddenly snapped (Y/n) out of the trance she had found herself locked in as she stared down at the baby in her arms. It was as if looking at her baby boy dulled down her other senses and blocked everything out that wasn't immediately to do or surrounding him, Ben included.

The new father looked at (Y/n) fondly, mesmerised by the way that she was practically entranced by their son to the point she seemed to forget that Ben was in the room with her. He perched himself down on the side of the bed next to (Y/n) and carefully encircled his arm around her frame, pulling her into his side as their eeys were both focused on the baby in her arms.

Through one way or another, it had been agreed that Ben could choose the name if they had a boy, and (Y/n) could choose the name if they had a girl. And Ben needed no time in deciding that their son looked like he would suit the name that Ben had been thinking of for quite some time now. Ben didn't believe that a baby could look like they suited a specific name or that once your baby was born you could go off their name because it didn't match. He liked the name, he had his heart set on that name and he was looking down at his baby boy now knowing that the name was fine for him.

But Ben also knew that (Y/n) would look at him and tell if he would suit being called Billy or if he should have a different name that fitted his features better. If she didn't think the name suited their boy then Ben would pick another name and then another until (Y/n) was happy.

"I think he does." (Y/n)'s response brought a smile to Ben's already beaming face and her own lips curved at the corners when she felt Ben pressing a kiss to the top of her head as if they were sealing the deal of their son's name.

(Y/n) leaned her head back on Ben's shoulder and her body back into his chest, relaxing her muscles the more she leaned into him as he took her weight for her. She let most of her muscles relax other than her arms that were supporting the new life in her arms and she slowly smoothed her fingers up and down Billy's sides to keep him in his sleep-induced state.

"I wanna see his eyes." Ben's words were quiet as not to disrupt the peace they had surrounding them but they were loud enough for (Y/n) to hear.

He wanted to see Billy's eyes and guess who's eyes he had and who he looked more like. He wanted to see his son's eyes and wonder if he knew who he was, if his son recognised him as his father or not. Ben hadn't gotten a good chance to see his son until now, he had only stolen a few glimpses here and there yesterday. Now he was looking at him, he wanted to see his eyes and stare into them, he wanted to see the wonder and curiosity and the hope that those new bright eyes would hold.

Ben was so used to seeing the light go out of people's eyes, he was used to being the reason those eyes cracked and died and being why the colours faded like his victims eyes were being flooded with water until there was no colours left.

Just once, Ben wanted to see the pure innocence in someone's eyes and know that he had created it. He wanted to know that not every part of himself was bad, if he could see the wonder in a brand new pair of eyes and not steal it away or cause them to crack and fade, then he would know that he didn't have a black heart after all.

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"Why isn't he back yet, how long does it take to give him a bath?" (Y/n) pondered the question more to herself than to Ben but she still wanted an answer nonetheless.

A midwife had come and taken Billy over half an hour ago to give him a bath even though (Y/n) had insisted she could do it or at the very least, she could observe so she knew just how gentle she had to be. (Y/n) was going to have to bathe and change and dress Billy anyway, she was his mother and when she took him home there wouldn't be any midwives there to do everything for her. It would be better if they showed her now how to properly do everything and look after him so that she was prepared when she went home with him.

But since he was only two days old and she knew his skin was still very tender, (Y/n) hadn't put up much resistance when the midwife took him for his bath. But surely it wouldn't take this long to bathe him.

"Look, he's back now baby." Leaning his head down, Ben pressed a kiss to the top of (Y/n)'s head as his arm around her shoulder pulled her closer into his chest. He smoothed his hand up and down her arm for a few moments as his eyes locked on the door to the hospital room they were sitting in.

Ben would admit that it had seemed to take a long time for them to simply give Billy a bath but he could see a nurse making her way to the door which was now opening. Their boy was back now and (Y/n) could calm her mind and have him back in her arms if that was what she seemed so desperate for. He could see it in her eyes that she wanted to hold Billy again. Ever since she found out she was pregnant (Y/n) had been waiting for the moment she could finally have him in her arms and look after him. Now he was here she didn't want to waste a single second.

But (Y/n)'s lips curved from a smile down into a confused frown when instead of a nurse, two women, what looked to be two security men and (Y/n)'s doctor walked through the door. And none of them had Billy in their arms.

(Y/n) felt Ben's arms tightening around her when a shiver ran down her spine and she could feel herself pulling inwards out of panic. Who were the two women in the room and why were they here? And what was so important or wrong that doctor Harper thought he needed to have security with him whilst he talked to the couple? 

"Mr and Mrs Hardy, may we have a word?" Dr Harper's voice was quiet and his tone was gentle but it was the look in his eyes that set (Y/n) on edge. It was a look she had seen too many times before.

It was a sympathetic but cautious look she had gotten from her mother when she revealed she was pregnant and her mother was not happy. It was a look she had gotten from friends and even one midwife when they learned she had married Ben at eighteen and was having a baby so young. But it was also a look she had seen on Ben's face a few rare times when he apologised for doing something stupid or when he'd gone too far and hurt someone and she found out about it. (Y/n) hated that look because it meant nothing but trouble and right now it was scaring the flesh from her bones.

"Where's my baby?" (Y/n) sat up a bit straighter despite the pain it caused her when she moved. She leaned back into Ben's chest that she could feel tensing and pulling inwards as he took a sharp breath.

Ben was starting to feel like he was being backed into a corner like when he was in the boxing ring. He never let people put him in the corner because there was less chance of getting back out of there, it was a weak spot and he didn't like weaknesses. But this was different, this was about his family.

He wasn't the right kind of image for a family man that people would want. Ben was a killer, he was a sinner and he didn't care what people said about him. (Y/n) was the one thing in his life that wasn't bad, she was the one pure thing he had and he loved her and now Billy was here, his son was the only good thing Ben had done in his entire life. In the twenty eight years Ben had been on Earth, Billy was the one thing Ben could say he was proud of and was the good deed he had done to outweigh all the bad he had caused in the world. If anyone or anything threatened that one pure soul Ben created, he would go ballistic.

"Your baby is fine, he's with your midwife at the moment because we need to speak to you."

"What about?" It was Ben who spoke up this time when (Y/n)'s throat constricted and she could hardly manage to get any air into her lungs.

He didn't like the fact that there was security in the room with them, it was bad enough there were two strangers here who Ben knew were not healthcare professionals. But to have security meant that they knew or at least suspected that Ben was some kind of threat or that he would be volatile if he felt threatened. They were here with some kind of bad news and they were preparing for Ben to unleash his bad temper on them. It felt like they were one step ahead of him by knowing about his temper and Ben always had to have the upper hand or he was at risk of losing.

"Mr Hardy, the police have been in contact with us... it seems that you're involved in a murder investigation."

Dr Harper sat down in the chair next to (Y/n) and she could see the sympathy in his eyes and the pain this was causing him. He had known (Y/n) for a few years and throughout this pregnancy he had been there with the midwife to walk her and Ben through everything. He was kind and he was understanding and he had helped (Y/n) sail through the complications that happened during labour.

But he didn't know about Ben.

He didn't know that Ben's boxing club was just a front for the deals he had going on behind closed doors. Dr Harper didn't know that Ben had killed more people than he cared to admit both as a hitman and simple because they ruined plans he had created or tried to take what was his. He had no idea what kind of things Ben was capable of or how he could hurt and traumatise people in such ways that they went insane.

As far as he and any midwives and nurses knew that had seen Ben, he was simply a boxer who genuinely loved his wife. They didn't know the truth, they didn't know that despite how much he did love his wife, his heart was truly black from the murderous streak that ran through his veins.

Turning her head, (Y/n) looked up at Ben but the look in his eyes told her to stay quiet and let him do the talking.

He tightened his hand around her upper arm and momentarily pressed his lips to her hair in an attempt to calm himself down because he didn't want to fight his way out of this one unless he had to. (Y/n) knew he had been up to something, she knew he had done something bad two weeks before Billy had been born. And she could have guessed that someone had died like someone always did where Ben was involved. But she didn't think that the police actually had Ben as a suspect.

Sure, he had been in prison a lot and he was always involved with the police but it was for minor offenses and little things that didn't really matter. They never normally had him in for murder, he was too clever and slippery for them to ever stick one of his murder crimes to him.

"The police brought me in for questioning twice, I haven't been charged or on bail or classed as a suspect. I knew the victim, that's all." His voice was calm and slow in a tentative way that told (Y/n) he was lying. She was the only one who could tell when he was lying, she knew his tone of voice and the slow way he talked that indicated he was getting someone to believe him. He talked like he was putting someone under a trance or even like he was silently threatening them not to question him any longer and (Y/n) found it enticing.

Ben smoothed his left hand over his lips and jaw, rubbing at his sharp jawline in a way that (Y/n) knew he did when he was trying to stay calm and persuade someone of something. (Y/n) usually found it attractive, the way he would slowly rub his fingers against his jaw or lightly pull at his lower lip or even the way he parted his lips but said nothing.

But right now he looked intimidating to her and she needed him to sort this mess out because whatever was going on was the reason Billy wasn't in the room with them right now.

"That's not what we've been told."

"Well what have you been told? Because whatever it is, you've been misinformed." The grating on his voice was clear. Ben was starting to lose his temper and if that happened, no one in this room would like to be on the receiving end of his wrath.

"The police seem to have you down as a suspect, whether they've discussed this with you or not and records show that you've had a few run-ins with the police-"

"Why are you bringing this up now? I've been in trouble a few times, show me someone who hasn't. What does this have to do with anything?"

Ben knew what this was, but he couldn't be the one to say it. Dr Harper could see in Ben's eyes that they were both reading from the same page but Ben wouldn't say it because he couldn't break the woman wrapped up in his arms. He couldn't say what this was all about because if he was right then (Y/n) was going to break and it would be all his fault. He swore he would never do anything to hurt her but he may just have broken her apart without ever meaning to or that being his intention. All he ever did was try and love and protect (Y/n) but now he had hurt her.

"The police have you down as a suspect and they've given me no choice but to contact social services. I'm very sorry Mr Hardy... but you're classed as a threat to your son and therefore he would be unsafe with you."

(Y/n) felt her heart sinking to her stomach like a broken ship sinking to the depth of the ocean and resting heavy on the sea bed. Her lower lip started to quiver as tears welled up in her eyes.

They thought Ben was unsafe to be around Billy, as if he would ever go and hurt his baby boy. Dr Harper knew Ben, he didn't know what he got up to but he knew him enough to know he would never do something like that. Ben had been to every appointment (Y/n) had, he called the midwife when she had gotten ill near the end of the pregnancy and he had been involved from the start. Anyone could see how much he loved (Y/n) and how much he was invested in being a father. He wouldn't hurt (Y/n) or Billy, not now and not ever in his life.

He wasn't a threat.

"You seriously think I'd hurt my son? He's a baby for fuck's sake, I wouldn't do anything to hurt him. Why the hell would I have been to all the appointments and been here when he was born if I was tempted to hurt him?!"

"I don't believe you would do that, but this isn't about what I think, my professional opinion doesn't count for very much when the police are involved and believe you may be a threat. Social services are here to talk you through this, they have no choice but to be involved."

"Then I'll leave. Until the police can sort this shit and tell you I haven't done anything I'll go and Billy can stay with (Y/n) I won't go near either of them."

If they were going to be like this and determine themselves that Ben was a threat then he would stay away from his family. He would break his own heart and stay away from his wife and his newborn son if it meant that social services would stay out of their business and Billy would be classed as safe with (Y/n).

Ben would go and stay with a friend, he wouldn't go home and he wouldn't even contact (Y/n). He would cut himself off from her completely for as long as necessary if it meant she would be okay with Billy and that she wouldn't be threatened to have her son taken away from her. Ben loved every bone in (Y/n)'s body and he hadn't been away from her in over a year but he knew that if Billy was taken from her, she would break completely.

"I've suggested that already Mr Hardy... but it isn't that simple. You see, the last time you were involved with the police, (Y/n) gave a statement for your alibi. And when the police questioned you two weeks ago, you mentioned (Y/n) as part of your alibi. They're suggesting that Billy won't be safe with either of you right now because you might be conspiring together."

Ben shifted both his arms so they were bound around (Y/n)'s chest when she doubled over like she was either going to be sick or suddenly lunge for the doctor. The whine that left her lips made Ben shiver and caused everyone in the room to look away, not wanting to stare at a new mother in distress due to the discomfort it caused them.

They were going to take her baby away from her.

He was barely two days old, (Y/n) had had less than forty-eight hours with her baby boy and now they were stealing him from her because they thought she was unsafe and unfit to be his mother. They thought she was going to put him in danger because she loved a murderer.

Ben pressed his face into (Y/n)'s hair, breathing in her scent to try and calm down his raging anger but he could feel her trembling against him as she started to cry and it made the rage triple in his chest. His heart was picking up speed and his anger was rattling through his veins to the point he was shaking. How dare they do this. How dare they say that (Y/n) was unsafe to care for and be around her own baby just because she was married to Ben. He would never ask her to give him a fake alibi, the two times she had done so were only when it was the truth because Ben would never endanger her like that.

"I- I... I haven't done anything w-wrong! I'm not involved... he's my baby, y-you can't... where is he? Where have you taken him?"

(Y/n) held her trembling hands to her chest as she looked at Dr Harper through the tears that were flooding her eyes and streaming down her face. She had done nothing wrong, (Y/n) had never been involved in the police and she had only given Ben an alibi when he had actually been at home and she didn't want them to pin anything onto him that he hadn't actually done. She knew it made her a bad person for so easily forgiving the cruelty Ben did on a daily basis. But she wasn't a bad person at heart and she wasn't going to be a bad or unsafe mother.

"If it was my choice your baby would be here with you both right now, but I can't do anything yet. (Y/n), Billy is going to be kept on a separate ward and when he can be discharged, he will have to be placed into a foster home just until this is resolved. Social services will be in contact with you both throughout this and they will make sure Billy is okay and keep you updated. I'm so very sorry."

"A separate ward? You won't even let her see him?"

Ben whispered sweet nothings against (Y/n)'s temple as she curled up against him, laying on her side with her head resting on Ben's lap to stop herself from lashing out at anyone. She felt like she was suffocating, it was as if water was slowly filling up her lungs until she couldn't breathe anymore and all she could do was wail and cry until her heart gave out and she passed out or died.

The fury that was boiling away inside Ben was bubbling over like water in a simmering pan. They were being so cruel that instead of letting Billy stay with (Y/n) and be under supervision, they were stealing him away and hiding him on a separate ward for the purpose of keeping (Y/n) away from him. They weren't giving her a chance here. They knew Ben was the threat and the reason Billy might be unsafe, they knew that (Y/n) had never been violent and was not capable of hurting her baby.

They should put her under supervision so she could be with her baby but be watched just in case they thought she really was lying for Ben. They shouldn't rip her baby away from her because it was beyond cruel. She was a new mother, she shouldn't have her baby taken away from her when she had done absolutely nothing wrong in the first place.

"Mr Hardy, I'm Linda from social services. We've just been to see your son and we can assure you he is fine and cared for-"

"I wasn't talking to you. Who the fuck do you think you are anyway? I'm the problem, I'm the one the police keep dragging back for questioning, you don't have any reason or right to take Billy from (Y/n), she's his fucking mother he needs her."

"It's not up to me, your case worker thinks its for the best and so do the police."

"If you talked to the police you'd know this is all bullshit! She hasn't lied, she was pregnant and she had been in pain having a haemorrhage so I brought her to A&E. That's the alibi she gave me and it's fucking true, she hasn't lied about anything! Where the Hell is my son?!"

Ben knew he wasn't doing himself any favours right now, he wasn't even bothering to defend himself and he wasn't trying to convince anyone that he wasn't a threat to Billy. All he cared about was that they knew (Y/n) wasn't a threat. He knew he was guilty of a lot of things and so did everyone in this room, but (Y/n) was docile and sweet and loving and charming and she did not deserve any of this. But above all that, she was a mother.

She was a new, young mother who was going to break into pieces if her baby was taken away from her like this. They had no right to involve (Y/n) in this but they were and they had no evidence for this.

When (Y/n) gave Ben an alibi she was telling the truth. She had collapsed in pain and she had started to bleed, Ben called the midwife and then took her to A&E because they thought it could have been premature labour or the placenta moving. Ben had looked after (Y/n) and had been in hospital with her for five days, it was his workers who had carried out the crime he was accused of and (Y/n) had only told the police the truth. She hadn't lied because they knew if she lied and the police found out then something like this would happen. But she had told the truth and was still paying the terrible price.

(Y/n) let out a whimper when Ben pulled away from holding her, leaving her sitting in the middle of the bed looking like she was about to melt into nothing.

He couldn't control his temper anymore and both Linda and her co-worker scurried nearer the door when Ben's feet stormed the polished floor, advancing towards them with a dark, menacing look in his eyes. He wanted to know where his son was and he wanted to know right now.

"Where is my son?" There was a deafening pause between each word that Ben spoke but he knew deep down he wasn't going to get the answer he wanted.

He barely felt one of the security men grasping his arm before he spun round and embedded his fist into the stranger's face, knocking him back to give himself a few extra seconds of tormenting the women keeping his son from him. Ben didn't hear the gasping noise that escaped Linda's lips when his hand curled around her throat and he pushed her back into the doorframe behind her with a bang. Ben didn't even care that he was going to be arrested for threatening a social worker like this, all he cared about was getting Billy back into (Y/n)'s arms.

"Tell me where my son is or I'll run round every ward in this whole hospital until I find him. You can do whatever you want to me but I won't let you take him from my wife."

Ben knew what he was doing, he knew the game he was playing and the price he would get from this. He knew if he threatened this woman and if he was the one to kick off, he would be seen as the threat and as long as (Y/n) didn't retaliate, she would have a better chance of getting Billy back. If she didn't fight then she wouldn't be seen as a threat, she would be seen as a grieving mother who needed her baby back. Ben needed Billy to be back with (Y/n), they were his family and he needed his family to be kept together where they belonged.

A growl escaped Ben's lips when hands grabbed his arms and he was pulled back from the woman he had pinned to the wall. His hands were pinned to his lower back near his hips and bound together, tight grips were held on his shoulders and his body was shaken to try and get him to stop fighting against them. But he couldn't stop, Ben couldn't stop fighting for his wife and his son.

He threw his head back until he felt the top of his head smacking into the security man's nose, earning a successful snap that implied his nose was now either fractured or broken. His hands curled into fists and his arms pushed backwards until he pummelled his fists into the other man's lower stomach to wind him. It allowed him a few seconds to pull away and push himself into the side of the bed so he could look at (Y/n).

Ben nudged his head against (Y/n)'s so she would look at him, he only had a few seconds before he was taken out of the room and the police were called to arrest him.

"Baby, baby listen to me. I promise you I'll get him back, I swear I won't let them take him I'll get him back. I love you."

Turning sharply to his right, Ben forced his elbow into the security man's stomach, giving himself two seconds to lean down and kiss (Y/n) before he allowed them to roughly wrench him away from the bed and towards the door. He would comply now, he would be arrested and let off with a caution and be under watch.

But then he would come back. He would find out where Billy was and he would get him back into (Y/n)'s arms, no matter what it cost him to do that. No one was breaking up his family, not a chance.

(Y/n) wrapped her arms tightly around her stomach, willing the urge to be sick to go away as she watched the two men struggle to drag her husband kicking and yelling out of the room. She wanted him to stay, she wanted Ben's arms to be wrapped around her holding her close to his chest trying to calm her down. She wanted Ben kissing her head and Billy cuddled into her arm, safe and sound where he should be.

She heard Ben shouting his promise again and again before his voice drowned out into nothing and she was left alone, her family separated from her.

She hadn't done anything wrong.

[megalony]

Teacher’s pet- Part 8

I know it’s been a while since I updated this dad! Ben Hardy series but I finally had the inspiration, I hope you will all enjoy this part, feedback is always lovely.

Taglist: @lunaticspoem @butlegendsneverdie @langdonzvoid @jennyggggrrr @rogermeddow @radiob-l-a-hblah @rogertaylorsbitontheside @chlobo6 @rogertaylors-lipgloss @sj-thefan @omgitsearly @luckytrashgooprebel @scarsout @deaky-with-a-c @killer-queen-ofrhye @bluutac @vousmemanqueez @jonesyaddiction @rogahs-drowse @milanosaurus @httpfandxms @saint-hardy @7-seas-of-fat-bottomed-girls @mrsalwayswritex @rogerina-owns-me @peterquillzsblog​ @im-an-adult-ish @crazylittlethingg @allauraleigh

Series taglist: @im-an-adult-ish @gwilymleeisbae

Series masterlist

Summary: Gwilym sets Ben up on a date with (Y/n) who teaches at the school Ben’s kids go to. But Ben is hesitant in the relationship, desperate not to make the same mistakes and needing to put his kids first.

Enjoy.

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"As if you've never made homemade pizza before." (Y/n) looked across the island in the kitchen to lock eyes with Ben whose head tilted up to look at her, his brows raised like he was challenging her or daring her to carry on with that sentence.

"Hey, we've made it before and when Carter was little it was the only thing he would eat but we don't make it anymore."

"Well why not?" There was a seriousness to (Y/n)'s voice even though Ben and the boys knew she was only trying to rile Ben up and mess around. But homemade pizza was something (Y/n) always used to have as a child and whenever she had her nice and nephew over, this was the go-to meal because it was something they liked and it was something fun to do to actually make it from scratch.

It had been (Y/n)'s idea to make this for tea because she thought it would be fun and it seemed like a good way to get the boys to do something together and to do something with her. James was very attached to (Y/n) already, he had clung to her hip all day, Carter seemed fine with talking and joking with (Y/n) even if he was a bit uneasy at times. And Finn was slowly getting used to being around (Y/n) and seemed much less anxious around her which (Y/n) was overjoyed at.

Today was the first night (Y/n) was going to spend over at Ben's house with all the boys here too. It was a big day for them both as a couple because if tonight didn't work it made their future a bit tricky. (Y/n) had to see what Ben put up with on a daily basis, she had to see how God awful Carter's sleeping pattern was for starters. The eldest boy either got a few hours of sleep in the early morning or he got no sleep at all and it didn't hardly affect him or his hyperactivity.

(Y/n) would have to put up with Carter either being hyper and bounding about early in the morning, she might hear him trying to sneak out of his room or hear Ben telling him to go back to bed or hear Carter throwing a tantrum because he was tired but couldn't sleep.

She would also have to see how well Finn settled, and this was crucial. Even though Carter might not settle or might be hyper or play up intentionally because (Y/n) was staying over, he would eventually calm down after she had stayed over a few times. But it was Finn who they had to worry about because his sleep pattern was always disrupted. It took Ben a while to get the three year old to actually go to sleep because he seemed to panic a lot at night but Finn usually had nightmares. He would wake up crying a lot of the time and if he was really distressed or panicked he would scream or panic to the point he couldn't breathe.

If Finn got too unsettled with (Y/n) staying over or didn't dare join her and Ben in bed then it meant she couldn't stay over when the boys were home.

"We don't have time to do this, normally." Ben's response was sombre but (Y/n) looked over at James standing next to her when the middle boy sniggered.

"Carter couldn't make the dough and threw it at daddy and then daddy burnt his hand getting it out the oven."

"Stop giving away my secrets." Ben chided, narrowing his eyes as he pretended to be angry even if James was right. The last time they made pizza was admittedly when Finn wasn't even one yet and it hadn't been fun. Carter couldn't make the dough properly and it agitated him so much he threw it at Ben and then the pizza got burnt and Ben burned his hand on the tray getting it out. He hadn't bothered trying to make it again because it took a lot of time and it was more hassle than it was worth when Ben was on his own with the boys.

But right now they wanted an activity that all the boys could do together. They had all gone out for the day to the arcades and out bowling and since Carter refused to bake, cooking was the next option. Finn joined in where he could, James loved trying to cook and Carter would try as long as he thought or knew it was something he could do and he had been persuaded that this time it would work better.

When Ben was on his own with the boys he had to keep them apart so they didn't rile one another up. Carter would either fight with James or worry and scare Finn who didn't normally want to play any games and James could annoy Carter if he wanted. But with (Y/n) here it was a lot easier to keep the peace between them and keep them all entertained.

"That explains a lot. So, what are you having on yours?" (Y/n) looked at James who was scanning the toppings curiously before he grabbed a handful of chopped ham, a bit of bacon and then some sweetcorn before he rolled it up neatly. "Don't you like cheese?" There was apprehension in (Y/n)'s voice as she watched him make his pizza. He had the dough, then tomato sauce then his toppings but no cheese.

"He's lactose intolerant, the last time he had cheese on a pizza he spewed it everywhere." Ben tried not to laugh at the memory and because James frowned and gave him a certain, annoyed look but he couldn't help it.

"Lovely. What about you honey, what do you want on yours?" (Y/n) leaned her head to the side and smiled gently at Finn who was sitting on the edge of the counter, helping Ben sprinkle cheese onto their shared pizza but he was mainly tossing the cheese in great lumps rather than spreading it round.

"Pepper." Finn's voice was quiet and shy but he maintained eye contact with (Y/n) as he spoke which was a very good start.

"We have peppers and ham, don't we bud?" Ben threw on some ham and let Finn chuck on a handful of red and green peppers before he rolled it up.

(Y/n) went for plain and simple pepperoni and Carter went for a meat-feast option with a lot of pepperoni. When they were all made, they were placed in the oven and the five of them were left with a kitchen covered in sauce, flour and bits of chopped up meat and veg sprinkled everywhere. But the mess didn't compare to the fact that all the boys had actually managed to do an activity together and none of them tried to wind each other up or mess around.

"Can we watch a movie with tea?"

"Sure, go pick one out." Ben nodded with a smile at James who hurried out of the room as soon as he'd washed the flour from his hands. The living room had a rather large collection of movies, most of which were either Disney movies or some kind of animation movie.

Turning to the left, Ben dipped his hand in the tomato sauce beside him before flicking his fingers over at (Y/n) and he didn't miss the brief smile on Finn's lips when (Y/n) gasped and blinked in shock.

"You cheeky sod." (Y/n) reached for the tea towel and swiped away the sauce before hitting the towel against Ben when he passed her. "Do you want to get down honey?" (Y/n) smiled gently at Finn but her nerves were already starting to jump around in her stomach. She didn't want to just reach over and pick him up in case she scared or worried him and she didn't even know if he would want her to help him down even if he did want to get down and wander off.

Finn feebly nodded his head and moved his arms out towards (Y/n) but his arms were very stiff and held rather close to his chest to the point he looked like he had frozen up and become a statue. His eyes were full of caution when (Y/n) slipped her hands under his arms and gently lifted him up before setting him down to his feet. He looked like he was about to say thank you but thought better of it or couldn't find his voice so he settled for maintaining eye contact for a little while longer before he disappeared into the lounge along with Carter.

"What are you doing?"

(Y/n) watched Ben with intrigue when he walked over to the end cupboard above the counter next to the door and reached up for something on top of the cupboard. Due to his height Ben didn't have to go on tiptoes or even climb on the counter like (Y/n) would have done to reach up there but it seemed like an odd place to put something rather than just stuff it in the cupboard itself.

"I'm gonna go have a smoke." Ben turned around to face (Y/n) and waved the new unopened pack of cigarettes and a new bright red lighter in front of her.

"You hide them up there?"

"I've found Carter messing with my lighter before and he's hid my smokes when he was mad at me. I'd rather not take the chance of him setting the place alight." There was a hint of a smile on Ben's face but the memory seemed to come to mind and dampen his smile. He hated that he had to hide a lot of things from Carter but it was a necessity with him.

Sometimes Carter took Ben's keys when he didn't want Ben to go to work or when he wanted to stay with him. Other times he had taken Ben's cigarette's from his coat pocket and wouldn't say where he hid them. When Ben found him playing with his lighter he bollocked him for it and since then he hid them where he knew none of the boys could reach or could find them. It was too much of a risk to have them lying about. When Carter got mad he would get vengeful as well as physical and he would play up and hide things or smash things or just be spiteful. He didn't always mean it but it meant Ben had to take precautions.

(Y/n) nodded, attempting to tidy up the kitchen but her eyes followed Ben when he stopped walking abruptly to fish around in his pocket for his phone when it started to ring.

"Fuck, it's Jamie." Ben whispered the words to himself but the confusion and anger on his face was enough to make (Y/n) concerned and wonder who Jamie was. "It's Carter's mum... I haven't spoken to her in six months." The apprehension in Ben's voice showed he didn't want to answer the phone but knew he had to. She could be ill or in an accident or something could have happened for her to ring out of the blue like this.

Ben always tried to get her to be involved with Carter after she left, he tried to get her to come and see him just for an hour or so or just to ring him and see how he was doing. But he gave up in the end. Whenever she used to ring on odd occasions it upset Carter because she didn't talk on the phone for long and then that was it. He didn't see her or speak to her for possibly months at a time. It was easier for her not to talk to Carter at all than to unsettle him and rile him up by calling out of the blue and then disappearing again.

Quickly putting the cigarettes and the lighter back in their place above the cupboard, Ben answered the phone and whilst walking over into the back room to be out of the way and earshot of the boys and (Y/n).

"No. I don't hear from you in six months and then you ring out of the blue and now you want to talk to him? I'll gladly talk to you about him and how he's been doing but you can't speak to him that's not gonna be fair."

Ben dragged his free hand through his hair as he took to pacing up and down the back room. He always knew when Jamie rang she would either be ringing out of spontaneity and just wanted an update on the son she left behind or she was in a very funny mood. She got in moods where she felt bad and felt sorry for not calling sooner or coming round and she wanted to know about Carter and talk to him. Ben knew a few times she had been in that mood was because her parents kept telling her she had to talk to Ben and have updates about Carter.

Her parents weren't happy Jamie wanted nothing to do with Carter but they couldn't change her mind. They only made her feel bad and she ended up ringing when she was in an upset or drunk mood.

There was no way Ben was letting her speak to Carter. After he'd stayed with Ben's dad two weeks ago he had been on his best behaviour and he was doing well at school and he wasn't acting out yet. Ben couldn't jeopardise that and let him speak to Jamie because it would send him up the walls when she wouldn't come and see him or ring him the next day. It would set back his progress and agitate him and that wasn't fair on Carter. It was so much easier to have Jamie out of their lives right now.

"Ben please, just let me say hello to him, I... I've not been a mother to him and I do miss him and think about him a lot."

"The only way you're getting to speak to him is if you commit to him. I'm not hurting him because you're drunk or someone told you to stop and rethink your life. Someone always reminds you that you left him and you feel sorry for a few days and then that's it, I hear nothing from you. I'd rather he forgets you than gets his hopes up for you to disappear again."

Ben knew Carter didn't understand the situation and that was partly because he was too young and partly because of his problems. He didn't consider why Jamie didn't want to see him or speak to him, he just focused on the fact that she wasn't around. But whenever she rang he wanted to speak to her and didn't get mad until after the phone hung up and she didn't call back. It was as if the moment he spoke to her he forgot that she had left him behind.

Ben prayed to God that in the years to come Carter would realise that Jamie didn't want to be in his life because if he didn't he would forever be hoping she would come and see him or ring him and it was going to get worse for him. He couldn't be waiting around for her to ring and be in his life when Ben knew deep down she wasn't going to. Jamie wasn't the most reliable person and she had problems herself. If Carter didn't have his disorders or his anger or his issues then maybe she would have been a good or even a perfect mother to him.

But the fact was that she couldn't handle him and she didn't want to.

"Dad, Finn picked Coraline again but we've already watched that like-"

"Buddy I'm on the phone, go back through there please, I won't be long." Ben pressed the phone to his shoulder and pointed at the door, gently ushering Carter to leave the room so he could continue his argument.

"Who is it- is it nana? Can I speak to her please?" Carter immediately tried to reach his arms up to take the phone from Ben who held it up higher so he couldn't reach whilst shaking his head. All the boys were in the habit of taking the phone off Ben if they knew who it was such as if it was Gwilym or Ben's mum so they could speak to them.

"Buddy go sit down it's not your nana. Carter I mean it."

Ben tried to give Carter a nudge in the direction of the door but Jamie spoke up at just the wrong moment and Carter caught wind of her voice. It took him a few moments to register whose voice it was after not hearing her talk for many months now but the pieces seemed to click in his mind like a light bulb turning on above his head. His eyes widened and his jaw dropped before he suddenly jumped at Ben, trying to grab his arm and pull it down so he could reach the phone in his hand.

"It's mum! It's mum let me talk to her! Dad please... daddy give me the phone!" There was a lot of urgency in Carter's voice that rose higher and higher in pitch but his breath got stuck in his throat when Ben suddenly pulled back and walked out of the room to try and stop Carter from talking to Jamie.

Ben barely made it back into the kitchen before Carter jumped him from behind, doing his best to grab the phone that Ben wasn't handing over to him in a hurry. (Y/n) watched the scene in shock as Ben managed to get Carter off him, only to have the eldest ram his hand into Ben's stomach, shocking him enough to make him lean over which gave Carter the perfect opportunity to snatch the phone.

Carter clutched the phone in both hands and held it forcefully to his ear as if Jamie's voice was so faint he couldn't hear her at all. He started talking rapidly- something he did when he was over-excited, and quickly hurried over near (Y/n) to get away from Ben so he could continue talking on the phone.

"Carter give me the phone." When Ben advanced over to him Carter simply backed away and shook his head. "I mean it Carter, give me the fucking phone!"

"Ben he's not going to give you it now... just wait until he's finished or you'll make him worse." (Y/n) reached over and grabbed Ben's upper arm to pull him back. If he took the phone now Carter would have a meltdown because he couldn't finish his conversation with Jamie, even if he got distressed when the call eventually ended, it wouldn't be as bad as if Ben took the phone from him now.

"Put the phone on speaker and stay where I can see and hear you." Ben held the kitchen counter so tightly his knuckles turned white and he could feel the sharp edge cutting into his palm but he didn't care. If Carter was talking to Jamie he wanted to hear what was being said and he needed Carter in his line of sight.

Carter happily obliged since he was now getting what he wanted and he sat down at the counter, holding the phone tightly in his hands in front of him just in case Ben tried to snatch it back from him.

(Y/n) didn't know whether she should walk away and go see Finn and James or whether to stay because it felt like she was intruding but Ben kept glancing over at her like he wanted reassurance so she decided to stay. Both Ben and Carter's tempers flared around each other, they loved one another so much but they set one another off and riled each other up very badly. It was one of the reasons they argued as much as they did because if Carter shouted Ben would shout back to get him to listen and (Y/n) didn't fancy walking away in case they had another argument or even a fight.

Something pulled at (Y/n)'s heartstrings as she watched Carter talking to his mum. It was very clear he was a child deprived of having a mother and the way he held the phone and leaned down to speak into it showed he was desperate to talk to her and have her around. But hearing the way Jamie was unsure of what to say yet very desperate to talk showed (Y/n) she seemed unstable.

She sounded just as Ben described her, jumpy, up and down with her emotions and certainly incapable of looking after or even being around Carter. But that was no reason for her not to be in his life, if she just rang him even once a week at a scheduled time and stuck to that time then it could settle Carter down immensely even if he didn't see her.

"Are you coming to see me?"

(Y/n) and Ben locked eyes for a split second before Ben reached across the counter and snatched the phone back whilst Carter's guard was down.

"Daddy!" His shrill scream tore through (Y/n), she had heard many kids having tantrums but they were never nice to hear, especially when they screamed like that. Carter tried to lean across the counter to get the phone back but he couldn't reach and he was too late anyway.

"That's enough now." Ben didn't bother to say anything to Jamie before he hung up and shoved the phone back into his pocket. He couldn't get Carter's hopes up because it would be cruel and unfair when he was sure Jamie wouldn't be calling again very soon and even if she did she wouldn't be very likely to want to talk to Carter again.

"I want to talk to mum! Why won't you let me speak to her or see her? I want to see her I want my mum why are you being mean-"

"The last time you spoke to her was six months ago and you haven't seen her in years so don't you dare start telling me I'm the mean one when she doesn't bother to call either of us. If she wanted to see you she would come here but she hasn't, has she? It's not my choice whether she calls or sees you but I don't want you getting your hopes up for nothing."

"That's not fair!"

(Y/n) felt like reaching out and wrapping her arms around Carter when he started to cry but she knew it wasn't a good idea. But her arms itched out like she wanted to do something or intervene when Carter started violently sobbing. In the few months that (Y/n) had been with Ben, she'd seen the bite marks, the scratches and the bruises Carter gave him without intentionally meaning to hurt him and she'd seen Ben shout and tell him off. But she'd never seen Carter actually hurt Ben until now.

The ten year old screamed again before he reached out and scratched his nails down Ben's exposed arm like he was a bird with talons that he wanted to drag across its prey. Ben reacted in split second timing and grabbed Carter's wrists in his hands just after Carter landed a rather lightweight punch to Ben's stomach before his wrists were constrained and held above his head. Carter bent his knees and tried to pull away and he wriggled continuously until Ben wrapped his other arm around his boy's waist and pulled him closer.

The moment Carter stopped wriggling Ben let his wrists go and leaned down, wrapping his arms properly around Carter so he could pick him up. Despite him now being ten and rather heavy Ben picked him up and held him effortlessly and he clung to Ben like a monkey. He caged his arms around Ben's neck and his legs around his torso. It was moments like this when Carter had meltdowns that he wanted to be a child again, he wanted to be a little boy so Ben could hug and hold him like this because soon enough he wouldn't be able to be carried around or held like this because he would be too old and too big.

"It's not fair buddy, but it's not my fault." Ben whispered in his ear before he kissed his temple, trying to calm him down because dinner would be ready soon and if he was riled up or upset then he wouldn't eat.

Ben was about to shake his head at (Y/n) when she walked over to them because when Carter was upset Ben didn't like anyone around him as he became volatile. But to his utter surprise, (Y/n) instinctively started to card her fingers rhythmically through Carter's hair and the eldest boy didn't push her away or scream or violently react. He almost whimpered at the touch but said nothing at all, he kept his head buried in Ben's neck but Ben could feel the anger disappearing from him as (Y/n) continued to run her fingers through his hair and brush it tentatively out of his eyes.

[megalony]

Growing soft

This is a Ben Hardy mini-series I am going to be working on, based off of a request from the lovely @storiesfrommirkwood​ I hope you all like it.

Taglist: @lunaticspoem​ @butlegendsneverdie​ @langdonzvoid​ @jennyggggrrr​ @rogermeddow​ @radiob-l-a-hblah​ @rogertaylorsbitontheside @chlobo6​ @rogertaylors-lipgloss​ @sj-thefan​ @omgitsearly​ @luckytrashgooprebel​ @scarsout​ @deaky-with-a-c​ @killer-queen-ofrhye @bluutac​ @vousmemanqueez​ @jonesyaddiction​ @ambi-and-sunflowers @milanosaurus @httpfandxms​ @saint-hardy​ @7-seas-of-fat-bottomed-girls​ @mrsalwayswritex​ @rogerina-owns-me​ @peterquillzsblog​

Ben Hardy masterlist

Part 2

Summary: Ben has always been set on the idea of not having kids, but when (Y/n) becomes a surrogate for Gwilym and his wife, Ben wonders if he really is sure about no kids after all.

Enjoy.

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"Are you sure you want to do this?" Despite the apprehension and concern in his voice, there was no denying the small surge of anticipation and excitement that could be heard in Gwilym's voice. He was trying very hard not to let that excitement get the better of him in case this didn't end up going in the direction they were hoping for, but he couldn't dull it down completely.

His hand tightened around the glass resting on the table but it did nothing to stop the way his whole frame was beginning to jitter from nerves. They had never gotten this close before, they'd never reached this point in all the other times they had tried and somehow it just seemed too good to be true.

"I'm sure."

Those two little words made Gwilym's heart feel like it was rising into his throat and caused a huge swarm of butterflies to erupt in his chest like his body was being pumped full of helium and he was rising to the ceiling. He knew there was still a long way to go and things could happen and go wrong along that journey, but the fact was this journey was finally taking off. They were no longer planning and daydreaming about this, it was actually happening. All because of (Y/n).

Lifting her eyes from her glass that her fingers very lightly tracing around, (Y/n) couldn't help the way she began to shake from the bubbling excitement inside of her like she was about to explode. A grin slowly but surely took over her features and a laugh escaped her lips when she looked at two of her closest friends sitting opposite her at the table.

The pure joy she could see in Amy's eyes was nothing like she had ever seen before and her smile widened as she watched Amy's arms wrap around Gwilym's bicep and she shook his arm like she was desperate for his attention.

"We're having a baby." Amy whispered the words in ecstasy to the man sitting beside her before her eyes darted over to (Y/n). Without even thinking, she reached across the table and took (Y/n)'s hand very tightly in her own to the point she was cutting off her circulation to show her just how happy and thankful she was for what (Y/n) was about to do for them.

Amy and Gwilym had tried for a year after getting married to have a baby before switching to IVF but every effort had either been dashed or ended in heartache. Needless to say, it had been a harsh blow to the stomach when they had to come to the conclusion that having a baby of their own wasn't going to happen naturally. But they just couldn't think about adopting until they'd explored every possibility and their last effort was a surrogate.

Having someone else go through the pregnancy for them wasn't what Amy had initially wanted, she wanted to be the one to experience the scans and the kicks and the labour. But this was the only way she and Gwilym were going to get a child of their own.

They'd talked with three other people before (Y/n) had offered to help and now it seemed like they were going to get their wish.

"What about Ben? Is he gonna be okay with all of this?" Gwilym's smile dimmed down just a little when his friend suddenly came to the front of his mind. Gwilym knew Ben well, he knew he could be both laid back and passionate and involved in everything at the same time and he knew Ben had different views and opinions and was broad minded. But he had no clue how Ben would react to this kind of situation, after all it was his wife who would be having a baby for someone else.

"We've talked about it and he's completely fine with this, I swear. He even said he'd come to the scans, so..." (Y/n) trailed off with a shrug of her shoulders and a small but gentle smile on her lips.

She knew what she was walking into here and everything that would come with this.

She would be going through nine months of changes and then labour, all to end up without a baby, but that was okay with her. (Y/n) also knew it was going to be in the media a lot when people eventually found out she was pregnant but then realised after the birth she wouldn't be walking around with a baby at the end of things. It would be awkward for Ben too if he had interviews during the pregnancy and ended up telling people it wasn't really his or (Y/n)'s baby.

But (Y/n) wanted this, badly.

Ben didn't want kids. He didn't feel he would be a bad father, he actually liked kids and was great with his niece and nephews and he knew he would be a good dad. But it simply wasn't what he saw for his future, at first he put it off because he wanted to focus on his career but now it just wasn't what he wanted. Ben liked things as they were, he liked being married to (Y/n) without kids in the mix and he liked travelling and working a lot, kids didn't come into the dynamic at the moment and he wanted to keep it that way. He had no need or craving for kids like his friends all did.

(Y/n) knew from the beginning that kids wasn't likely to happen for her and Ben and that was okay. She and Ben were busy, they had work and they did a lot of travelling together and it was nice, just the two of them so she tried her best not to think too much about not having kids.

But (Y/n) couldn't deny to herself that she wanted a baby someday, and giving Gwilym and Amy a child was the perfect situation. Ben didn't have to worry about changes or think about kids because the baby wasn't theirs and (Y/n) knew things would be the same after the baby was born. She could experience a pregnancy like she always wanted and give herself a small taste of motherhood as well as the satisfaction that she had helped her closest friends in the best way she possibly could.

It was a win win situation for everybody.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Baby, you okay?" A soft smile formed on Ben's lips when his eyes found (Y/n) standing in the doorway to the kitchen. Ben placed his cup down on the counter he was leaning against before he straightened up instead of being slouched over the counter.

(Y/n) didn't look upset or confused or hurt but she did look a little off, like there was something playing on her mind and she felt she had to talk about it. The smallest, kindest of smiles pulled at her lips and it made Ben's heart both melt and jump at the same time. He couldn't tell if her smile meant she was okay or if there was actually something wrong she was trying to dull down or ignore. His eyes watched her contently as she leaned her head against the door frame and crossed one leg over the other in a manner that always managed to capture his full attention without meaning to. A few seconds passed without any words before (Y/n) sighed and moved one of her arms that had previously been held behind her back.

"It worked." (Y/n)'s smile turned to one of both worry and nerves as she placed the positive pregnancy test on the counter for Ben to see.

(Y/n) had been more than surprised when she first brought up the subject to Ben and he seemed almost absolutely fine with it. He admitted it was going to be weird if (Y/n) decided to go through with it but he was by no means opposed to the idea. It was her body and her decision and Ben thought it was one of the most generous things for (Y/n) to do for Gwilym and Amy.

The smile that formed on Ben's lips relieved a weight that was beginning to press down on (Y/n)'s chest and when he motioned for her to come over to him, she obliged immediately. Walking the small distance over to where he was standing, (Y/n) pushed her head into his chest as her arms bound around his torso. Shivers ran down her spine when his arms wrapped around her and she felt him kissing her temple but he was smiling into the kiss.

In all honesty, (Y/n) hadn't expected to get pregnant the first time around, they had all been told that it had a probability of not working on the first go. But she was relieved that it had worked, she didn't fancy having to try again and again until the embryo finally started to form. The quicker this whole process went the better it would be. (Y/n) knew there was still a long way to go since she was only two months pregnant and there could be any number of complications or she could lose the baby. But she was going to relish in the relief and delight she was feeling right now.

She couldn't wait to see Gwilym and Amy and tell them the good news.

"Are you sure you're okay with all this? It's not going to be easy or very fun..." (Y/n) tilted her head up until she could rest her chin on Ben's chest in order to look at him properly.

"Sweetheart, I promise you that this is okay with me. I may not want kids of my own, but this isn't our baby, I've got nothing against you doing this." At the end of the day, Ben couldn't tell (Y/n) what she could or couldn't do with her body, he would never dream of doing that. He knew she was giving him a lot of say in this decision because it involved him and they were married, but it didn't affect Ben.

Ben may not want kids himself but he had nothing against kids or babies in general, he was very good with the children in their family. He thought t was admirable to have a baby considering all of the things it would put a woman's body through. It just wasn't something he could see for himself.

This wasn't their baby and he didn't think of it as if it was their child. They didn't have to get anything prepared or buy and baby clothes or change their lives for this, it was just nine months of a few moderate changes. Ben thought it was both admirable and brave of (Y/n) to put herself through this all for someone else so they could be happy. There were far too many people who wouldn't even consider being a surrogate to help others out.

Leaning up on her toes, (Y/n) moved her arms that were previously around Ben's waist so she could cup his face and press her lips to his own. She had known from the beginning that Ben wouldn't be angry or annoyed or downright refuse her doing this, but it made her heart explode knowing just how easygoing he was about this and how caring he was. Ben wasn't the slightest bit uncomfortable or resentful or put off about this and that was more than she could ever ask of him in this situation.

After all, he was going through this process with her, Ben was going to see his wife have a baby for someone else and that wasn't exactly normal or an everyday occurrence.

"Thank you." (Y/n)'s voice was quiet and gentle and a genuine smile formed on her lips when they pulled back. She brushed her thumb over his cheek as she felt his hands moving to hold her hips. They stayed like that for a few minutes in a peaceful silence until (Y/n) pressed another kiss to his lips before eventually pulling away so she could go and get a drink.

Ben turned around and leaned his back against the counter before he picked up his coffee, his eyes following (Y/n) as she headed over to the fridge.

"I'll have to book the twelve week scan soon." (Y/n) mused quietly whilst she grabbed the juice and got a cup from the cupboard on her left. Thinking about the scans really made it sink in that this was happening but (Y/n) didn't quite know how to feel about this. Growing up she had always told herself she didn't want kids but that had changed when she got older. When she married Ben she was fine with not having kids and now she could have the experience just once, even if she wouldn't get a baby at the end of it.

It was going to be weird going to scans and having to remember it wasn't really her baby she was having. It shared none of her DNA and none of Ben's either, it was Gwilym and Amy's baby that they had longed for since they first got together.

"Do you want me to come with you?" Ben noticed the way (Y/n)'s hand tightened around her glass like she thought it was about to slip through her fingers before she spun round on her heels to face him.

When they had first discussed this and Ben had said it was fine with him, he had offered to go along to any scans or checkups so (Y/n) wasn't doing it alone. (Y/n) had already talked about this kind of thing with Gwilym and Amy and they had agreed when (Y/n) asked if she could go to the scans alone. She would obviously tell them all the updates and give them the scan photos and such, but she wanted to do it on her own. It would feel too awkward with them there and they had said that it was perfectly fine because this was (Y/n)'s experience too and they didn't want to make it uncomfortable for her.

But when Ben first offered to come along, (Y/n) didn't think he was serious or that he would actually go through with it. She thought he was trying to be supportive but when the time came, he might feel too awkward to actually come along.

When (Y/n) turned around to face him, she saw the genuine look in his eyes and the almost cheeky smile on his lips showed he wasn't messing her around or asking out of nervousness or because he thought he should. He genuinely wanted to if she wanted him there.

"Really?"

"I can't have you going alone, what will the doctor think?"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Alright, if you'd like to take a seat we can take a look at your little one." The slightly aged but very bright midwife moved her hand to gesture to the bed she wanted (Y/n) to lie on before she moved to set up the monitor.

Both (Y/n) and Ben shared a silent but knowing look between them before they walked over to go and sit down. It had already been agreed between the couple that if the midwife or doctors didn't know about this being a surrogate pregnancy, they wouldn't correct them. It would waste too much time and be too annoying to have to explain that this wasn't their baby, it was actually their friend's baby they were just 'looking after' temporarily.

(Y/n) knew it was going to be so much easier to just turn up to scans and checkups with Ben and just pretend this was their baby. It saved a lot of hassle and awkwardness.

Moving over to the bed, (Y/n) sat up and stretched her legs out whilst Ben sat down on the seat next to her. When she turned to look at him, (Y/n) could see the curiosity in his eyes that were flitting between her and the monitor. He'd never been in this position before and he never imagined that he would be, but he couldn't deny that it made his stomach burst with adrenaline.

Ben watched (Y/n) roll her shirt up but when he noticed her dragging her nails across the bed she was lying on, he reached over and took her hand. He could see the nervousness rattling through her whole body to the point she was almost shaking and he knew why.

Gwilym and Amy had been waiting for this moment for years and they truly didn't think this would ever happen. Ben could see how nervous (Y/n) was in case the midwife told her that there was a problem or she'd lost the baby or had had a phantom pregnancy. She didn't want to upset or let her friends down and it was making her panic when she had no reason to.

(Y/n) barely felt the cold gel pressing onto her stomach, her eyes simply zoomed in on the monitor and waited for the black and grey picture to become as clear as it would to her untrained eyes. This had to of worked, she didn't want to go back to the hospital to try again, she didn't want to feel the disappointment or grief and she certainly didn't want to see her friends heartbroken at her failure.

"There's your baby."

Ben couldn't feel his chest moving or any breaths leaving his lips when those three little words hit his ears. They felt so odd in his mind because this wasn't his baby, it wasn't even (Y/n)'s baby despite her carrying it. But those words made his heart clench so tightly he thought for a brief moment that he was having some kind of heart attack.

This wasn't their baby... but what if it was?

What if they had been sitting here waiting for their baby to come on the screen, what if they were actually seeing their own baby on that screen?

Ben had never thought about it like this before, he'd always just had a feeling or a knowing sense that he didn't want kids. He loved (Y/n) to the ends of the Earth and he didn't feel a yearning for a baby, he just liked it being the two of them. But there was something about the small little blip on the screen that was tugging at his heartstrings. He couldn't help but wonder what this would all be like if they weren't here solely for Gwilym and Amy.

It never escaped Ben's notice that (Y/n) was in two minds about children. He could always see how on some occasions she looked at kids and it just didn't click in her mind, she didn't feel anything. But then other times, on small occasions, he could see that yearning in her eyes that he'd never felt before... until now.

Why was that one little blip on the screen making Ben question something he thought he knew for certain?

[megalony]

Traveller

This is a new Ben Hardy series I am hopefully going to be working on, inspired by The Time Traveller’s Wife. I hope you will all like it, feedback is always appreciated.

Taglist: @lunaticspoem @butlegendsneverdie @langdonzvoid @jennyggggrrr @rogermeddow @radiob-l-a-hblah @rogertaylorsbitontheside @chlobo6 @rogertaylors-lipgloss @sj-thefan @omgitsearly @luckytrashgooprebel @scarsout @deaky-with-a-c @killer-queen-ofrhye @bluutac @vousmemanqueez @jonesyaddiction @ambi-and-sunflowers @milanosaurus @httpfandxms @saint-hardy @7-seas-of-fat-bottomed-girls @mrsalwayswritex @rogerina-owns-me @peterquillzsblog @im-an-adult-ish @crazylittlethingg @allauraleigh

Ben Hardy masterlist

Summary: Ben is a time traveller who can’t control when or where he travels through time and he can never take anything with him. One night, he ends up landing in the princess’ room with nowhere to hide.

Enjoy.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Where was he this time? Why was the floor so damn cold? Was that the sea that he could hear in the background crashing against the rocks?

He was spinning, his body was convulsing on the floor, his stomach was tensing and he was going to be sick. Oh, so sick, so much bile rising in the back of his throat that was tensing and constricting so he couldn't breathe. The bile left his lips with a flurry of water that was pushed up from his stomach which was tensing and drawing in until his chest dipped down and his stomach was no longer there. His knees caved into the empty space his stomach left behind and his chin tucked down into his tense neck until he stopped spinning.

Where had he landed?

Minutes ticked by until Ben finally felt that he had landed, he had properly landed this time, he wasn't about to be flung back in time to his present or stand up and fall into a different dimension.

Pressing his calloused palms to the polished floor tiles that were below freezing temperature, he twisted his body and forced his knees onto the floor that caused him to shiver in discomfort. He had been sinking safely into the comfort of his sofa with a record playing in the background before he found himself... wherever he was now.

Being mindful of the sick that rested to his right, Ben forced himself up until he was standing on his sore feet that always felt like they had pins and needles. Each time he travelled it became harder and harder to get up and hold his own weight, and that was not a good thing when Ben was normally thrust into a situation where he would need to run or escape or hide for safety. But he still didn't know where he had landed this time, but it was definitely somewhere unfamiliar to him.

A groan of utter pain and discomfort left Ben's lips when his heard started to spin and his eyes took a lot longer to adjust to where he was. He rubbed his frozen hands up and down his arms to try and circulate some heat into his system but when he looked around he realised why the room was so cold.

The balcony doors were open and he could see the sea. So, Ben knew that he was in some kind of house, maybe even a mansion and wherever he was in the world, this house was overlooking the sea. No wonder it was so cold, this place was on the edge of the water which brought in the wind and the cold rushes of air.

Ben wasn't on form tonight, he had spent possible five or more minutes here and he hadn't worked out his surroundings properly or if anyone was nearby or if this place was deserted or not. He hadn't even bothered to look around for any clothes to steal and that was the second thing on his mind when he travelled. Second only to needing to know if he should run away or not.

With a grunt, Ben shuffled his frozen feet across the rather slippery floor as he took in his surroundings. The room had peach coloured walls, pale grapefruit tiles on the floor and a crystal white ceiling. There was a sofa perched near to the balcony which showed the midnight sky full of stars, there was a vase of beautiful lilies in the windowsill and there were three doors within Ben's reach. One door he guessed led onto some sort of bedroom, the other door seemed to be the exit for a corridor and the third door looked more of a cupboard which might come in handy soon.

When an item of clothing came into Ben's sights, he internally thanked the Lord before he reached over to pick it up before tossing it straight back down again with a frightened expression.

It was a nightgown.

He was in a girl's room.

Oh shit, this had never happened to him before. Ben had never travelled and landed in a girl's bedroom. He had ended up in far weirder and worse places than this but this was somewhere he couldn't be. If the girl was here and she walked in to find a naked strange man in her room she would scream the place down and Ben could get killed before he found himself travelling back to his present time.

"Fuck! Fuck... no, shit not this! Send me home, send me home please I've been here long enough. Get me back home safe..." Ben raked a hand through his tussled curls as his eyes screwed shut and he prayed to any Lord or God out there who would listen to take him home.

When he time travelled he couldn't control where he went, when he went or when he got to go back home. He couldn't take any possessions with him like his house key and it was disturbing that he couldn't even take his own clothes. What kind of person randomly turned up to places stark naked? It was insulting and degrading, especially when people saw him randomly appearing out of nowhere without anything on and most people didn't offer him clothing either.

Ben's whole body felt paralysed with fear when the door straight ahead of him suddenly chimed and started to open. What was he going to do? He couldn't run out into the hall with no clothes on and hope no one would be out there to catch him.

He would have to make a break for the cupboard over to the right.

Ben didn't get close enough to the cupboard before a scream and a smashing sound rocketed through him and for a split second he thought someone had shot him.

He didn't want to look. He didn't want to catch sight of who had seen him, he didn't want that frightened, angered or just plain scared look engraved in his mind because he had too many of those faces for him to recall. But he had to look. He hadn't travelled back to his own present time yet and who knew how long he was going to be trapped here in this time. He had to try and explain or make something up so he didn't die before he travelled back to where he would be safe from any harm.

With a deep breath, Ben turned his head sickeningly slowly to the left and opened his eyes to see who had seen him.

(Y/n) felt sick.

The glass in her hand dropped to the floor at her feet and she couldn't help the small scream that escaped her lips before her hands moved to smother her mouth as if one single sound would warrant her death.

There was a man in her room. (Y/n) had never had a man in her room before, she'd never been alone with a man in her room before- or alone with any man in general. She'd also never seen a man naked before and here was a man, alone with her in her room, wearing absolutely nothing, and looking like he didn't want to be here or didn't know where he was.

How did he get into her room without anyone seeing him or following him? Why was he here in her room without any clothes on? Did he want to hurt her? Surely not, he would have done that already and if he came here with the intention of hurting her, why did he decide to do that naked?

(Y/n) watched in fright as the stranger slowly turned his head to look over at her but his eyes matched hers with a look of fright like a bewildered hare when the hunters were approaching. His lips were forming a straight line that showed worry and contemplation and his eyes creased at the corners giving away that he looked and felt rather desperate right now. (Y/n) wanted to call for the guards but something was stopping her. If she called them they would only take this man away and he didn't look like he was here to hurt her.

"Do you have anything I can wear?"

Ben knew immediately that his choice of words was very wrong for this situation and that they shouldn't be his first words to this rather pretty young girl he was terrifying. But he was beginning to shake and if he wasn't careful he was going to get pneumonia or frost bite from the bitter air which didn't seem to be affecting her like it was him.

"I- I'm sorry?"

"I know you want to know why I'm here and how I got here and I will tell you anything, love. But I'm freezing and I'm naked... please, do you have anything like a blanket or just something to stop me getting frostbite over here?"

His lips were turning blue and he felt like he was going to pass out, he needed any clothing or a blanket or just something to give him some decency and a tiny bit of warmth before he found himself catching anything. He'd gotten frostbite and pneumonia before from being out in the cold with no clothes or materials to keep him warm and it was part of Ben's travelling life that he never wanted to have to repeat again.

As if coming back to her senses, (Y/n) raked her eyes over the stranger and felt a blush creeping up her neck when she realised he was shaking from the cold. She'd been in the bath and she found having the balcony door open let the steam disappear from her bathroom and her bedroom.

(Y/n) bit down on her lip and looked up at the ceiling for a moment when she realised the man was doubled over so he could cover his modesty with his hands. He needed anything she could give him so he could warm up and stop having to cover himself from her like this because it was clearly embarrassing them both.

"Oh! I- I... of course, just let me..." (Y/n) tripped over her words as she looked around the room, wondering what she could give him that would help. Despite this situation being far from normal, (Y/n) couldn't let it be said that she didn't have any sympathy or that she'd lost her manners. Her eyes scanned the room for anything she could find before she suddenly undid the midnight blue robe tied around her frame.

(Y/n) took off the robe and quickly ran into her room to grab the blanket from the end of her bed before she hurried back to the stranger. She didn't get too close but close enough that he could gratefully take the items from her before she turned her back to give him some privacy.

Ben let his eyes roll to the back of his head when the robe and the blanket were smothering his frame. It was like having frostbite in his fingers and immediately waving them in front of the fire only to have his nerves spark and set on fire. But he would soon acclimatise and feel better.

"Thank you."

When the stranger's voice flooded (Y/n)'s ears she slowly turned around, assuming that it was safe for her to look at him and assume he was wearing what she had given him.

(Y/n) didn't know why she was smiling, there was a stranger in her room who had managed to sneak past the guards and get into her room without making a scene or a sound. He had turned up with no clothes looking rather unwell and seeming very confused but here (Y/n) was smiling at him.

He looked almost worried when she advanced over to him as if he thought she was going to slap him for turning up like this and maybe she should, but instead, she walked past him to close the balcony doors, hoping to keep him a bit warmer so he didn't faint or be sick. His eyes followed her movements and Ben felt bewildered when she motioned her hand over to the blushing fuchsia sofa that was almost out of place in the plain coloured room. She was offering for him to sit down, a complete and possible dangerous stranger.

"Why are you in my room?" (Y/n)'s voice was gentle but her eyes were full of curiosity as she sat down on the other end of the sofa, leaving a small space between them that might just fit another person if needed.

Tipping his head down, Ben stared at his lap for a little while as he pulled the blanket tighter around his shoulders to make sure he stayed warm. He had two choices here: he could tell her some random lie that she may or may not believe or he could tell her the truth and hope he disappeared before she got him arrested.

"The honest answer?" Ben asked, turning his head to look over at her to see her nodding. "I don't know. I didn't mean to turn up here, I actually don't know where I am."

Whenever Ben was found after he'd landed in a strange time in a new or familiar place, he had never had someone laugh at his explanation. He had had police frown at him and try to arrest him, he had people chasing him down back alleys and trying to beat him up or restrain him. People shouted at him, fainted, went paralysed and mute, but no one laughed.

(Y/n) didn't know what came over her but she couldn't help but laugh at his explanation that was far from normal or adequate. This stranger was in her room, he had to have gotten here of his own accord somehow since no one else was here with him and he had to have a reason for breaking into her room like this.

She had to admit that he looked rather convincing.

His rather enamouring emerald green eyes were shining and looking at her through his long black lashes and his very dark ruby red lips were curved into a small, shy smile that looked very sweet and made him seem innocent. His cheekbones were prominent and his jaw was sharp and made (Y/n) feel the urgent impulse to draw him on canvas. Especially his curls, his hair looked like it had been freshly cut but the strands were still long enough to curl on top of his head and they were shaved short at the sides. His hair was the perfect kind of wavy and styled for her to draw.

"I'm sorry, but I find it unbelievable that a strange man turns up without a stitch on him in my room and he doesn't know why he's here or where he is."

"Indulge me... where am I? What's the date today?"

This was part of Ben's trouble when he time travelled, he didn't know where he would end up and he didn't know what the day, date or year was until he asked a stranger who thought he was insane. Ben could see the bewildered look on this girl's face and she thought he was playing some sort of confusing game with her, but she would indulge him like he asked.

"It's July fifth, nineteen sixty-four and you're in my room in my father's palace. I'm (Y/n) (Y/l/n), now would you indulge me? If you really don't know why you're here, how come?"

Ben nodded his head to her words until they seemed to sink in and dawn on him. He'd gone two weeks into his future, it was very rare that Ben went into the future, the past was always where he was pulled into against his will. At least he hadn't gone too far forwards or back. But what got to him was who he was sitting with. This was (Y/n), she was the princess. He had managed to time travel into the palace, now this really was a first for Ben. He had never gotten into the palace before- not that he'd ever tried.

"I'm Ben... I... I time travel, I don't get to choose where or when I go so I never know where I end up and I don't get to take anything with me, princess." Somehow, when the word princess rolled from his lips it made (Y/n) shiver, it was like he was trying to be respectful like the guards when they spoke but he was also being playful and teasing with her.

(Y/n) smiled but she didn't laugh this time. He was either deluded or very bad at lying because she had never heard anything like that before, but then again, nothing like this had ever happened before. But (Y/n) couldn't think of a probable reason why this stranger would turn up in her room wearing nothing at all without anyone finding him if he wasn't going to hurt or attack her or try and hold her hostage. He seemed like he just wanted to go back home and get away from here and he had seemed confused when she first noticed him.

"You don't look mad." (Y/n)'s voice was quiet and she took Ben by surprise when she reached her hand over to gently caress the side of his face like she was making sure he was really here and not some figment of her imagination.

"Neither do you, and yet here you are, talking to a complete stranger wearing your robe."

Out of all the things Ben had seen and all the places he had travelled, this was the best one. He hadn't had to run for his life, he didn't have to fight his way out of anything or hide until he was allowed to travel back home. Ben didn't have to try and lie or break into places and steal clothing or food or money or hide away and find shelter from the rain or a storm or the police or people running after him.

(Y/n) smiled wider at the stranger in front of her but her smile slipped when he blinked a bit quicker before closing his eyes and leaning over until his head was almost resting on her lap. When a small groan left his lips and he seemed to start subtally trembling once again, (Y/n) held onto his shoulders and gently tried to pull him back up.

"What's wrong, are you alright?"

"I- I think I'm going back." Ben knew this feeling all too well. Sometimes he didn't feel anything at all and suddenly found himself back at home two seconds after he had left. Sometimes he fainted and woke up on the floor of his bedroom or in his garden or in a back alley where he had been before he travelled. But sometimes, his stomach started to jump and churn and his head started spinning and he landed back home throwing up his guts with his body spinning in circles.

"Back where?"

"Home."

Ben thought he was going to be sick and his throat tightened but he held his breath in his lungs when (Y/n)'s hands were suddenly cupping his face and tilting his head up to look at him. She looked almost sad that he was about to depart and leave her. Him, a total stranger who was of no rank or status in society to even know her if he were a normal man, and the princess didn't want him to leave.

"W-will you come back?" (Y/n) wanted him to come back, she wanted him to visit her again because he was different and he was intriguing even if he may possible be dangerous or quite mad.

"I- I can't control it, princess... I'm n-not a Lord or anything I can't walk through the gates-" Ben couldn't control where and when he travelled and even if he wanted to come and see her in their present time, he couldn't just walk through the palace gates and come find her. He wasn't important or high up or anyone special enough to come and see the princess.

"And yet here you are." Her voice was calm and considerate as her thumbs brushed over his cheeks like she was trying to calm him down and her smile was burning into his memory, never wanting to be forgotten. She was brushing his skin so delicately and looking at him lovingly like she wanted to make him feel better, she wanted to comfort him and take away the sick feeling he was going through. And the strange thing was, it was working.

"I'll try."

(Y/n) didn't know what came over her, maybe it was because she knew he was trying to make her a promise they both knew he might not be able to keep. Maybe it was because she didn't know if this lovely yet possibly deluded stranger was ever going to waltz into her life again. But whatever it was, it forced her to lean closer until her lips pressed to his.

It was her first ever kiss and it wasn't how she had expected it to be. His lips were like soft cushions but they were ice cold like she was kissing snow and it was slowly melting against her lips. She could feel his cold skin pressing against hers in every way, she could feel that his lips were wet but slightly chapped at the same time and she could sense his tongue pressing up behind his lips.

The feeling was nothing like (Y/n) had ever imagined or ever experienced before and it was something she desperately wanted to repeat. But the moment (Y/n) felt Ben's fingers grazing delicately against her cheek, everything went cold and the air twisted around her.

When her eyes snapped open, the snow against her lips was gone, the fingertips brushing against her cheek weren't there and all that was left was the blanket and the robe laying half on her lap like Ben had evaporated and turned into dust at her fingertips. He really had disappeared just as mysteriously as he had appeared in the first place. Nothing was left, he hadn't taken the robe or the blanket with him which explained why he appeared with no clothes on.

He had been telling her the truth.

So why did she feel sad now he was gone?

[megalony]

Heartbeat- Part 5

I’ve finally got the fifth part of my Ben Hardy series involving Gwilym, I hope you all like it.

Taglist: @lunaticspoem​​ @butlegendsneverdie​​ @langdonzvoid​​ @jennyggggrrr​​ @rogermeddow​​ @radiob-l-a-hblah​​ @rogertaylorsbitontheside @chlobo6​​ @rogertaylors-lipgloss​​ @sj-thefan​​ @omgitsearly​​ @luckytrashgooprebel​​ @scarsout​​ @deaky-with-a-c​​ @killer-queen-ofrhye @bluutac​​ @vousmemanqueez​​ @jonesyaddiction​​ @ambi-and-sunflowers @milanosaurus @httpfandxms​​ @saint-hardy​​ @7-seas-of-fat-bottomed-girls​​ @mrsalwayswritex​​ @rogerina-owns-me​​ @peterquillzsblog​​ @im-an-adult-ish​​ @crazylittlethingg​​

Series masterlist

Summary: Ben and (Y/n) haven’t been together long when they find out their pregnant. But (Y/n) fears she’ll lose the baby after suffering miscarriages before with her ex, Gwilym who is making things complicated.

Enjoy.

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"Do you think she'll be happy?" (Y/n)'s voice was quiet and her eyes were half closed to try and rid herself of the headache forming behind her eyes that was trying to dampen her ecstatic mood.

(Y/n) had the urge to lean her head against the window to see if the cool glass would alleviate her headache but instead she turned her head to the right so she could look over at Ben. His eyes drifted from the road for a few seconds to look her way, a gentle yet somehow cheeky smile on his lips.

"I think she'll cry, she's an emotional person." The way Ben spoke showed (Y/n) that it wasn't a bad thing if his mother did end up crying, it was a normality for Ben to see his mother start to weep when she was beyond happy, even more so than when she was upset.

"Are you happy?" (Y/n) already knew the answer to her question but she thought she would ask him anyway. They had gone to a scan today and they were able to find out if they were having a baby boy or a girl. (Y/n) knew that this was almost definitely the only child she was ever going to have, this was a miracle baby and it meant she wouldn't have a boy and a girl, just one or the other. (Y/n) had no preference what gender their baby was, she could see herself with a boy or a girl.

But (Y/n) didn't know about Ben or his mother. This was going to be Ben's mother's first grandchild and she seemed like the kind of woman who thought about these things very deeply and fantasised and planned them out. As for Ben, if their relationship lasted he was only going to have one child and (Y/n) knew he was the kind of person who would want more kids. She didn't know if Ben had his heart set on a boy or a girl.

"Are you kidding? I've just found out I'm gonna have a baby girl to spoil, happy doesn't even cover it, sweetheart."

Ben gently took one of (Y/n)'s hands in his own, catching sight of the scan photo that was resting in her other hand. It didn't matter to Ben if they had a boy or a girl but finding out today that they were having a girl made everything seem so real and it made Ben's heart feel like it was exploding in his chest. He could already see himself with a baby girl, he was imagining what colour her hair would be, what kind of eyes she would have, if she would look more like him or be a double of (Y/n).

Ben was happy about this and he knew once they told his mum she was having a granddaughter, the flood banks would open and she would be crying tears of happiness.

"It's just... having her is like winning the lottery for me. I don't know if there is something wrong with me that means having a baby is hard, but I don't think I'd ever take the risk again after we have her."

(Y/n) put the scan picture back in her bag before she leaned back in her seat and slowly started to dance her hands over her stomach. Deep down, (Y/n) always felt that despite the doctors not finding anything, there had to be a reason that up until now, she couldn't get a baby past fourteen weeks. It was too much of a coincidence that six times she'd lost all of her babies. Now they were having their girl, this was a miracle (Y/n) truly wasn't expecting and even if this worked out, she couldn't try again.

This was the only baby (Y/n) was going to have because despite the fact that she would love more than one child, it was a risk she couldn't take. Each time she miscarried the stakes got higher and the effects got worse, trying again for another baby would be a huge risk and (Y/n) didn't want to put herself through any pain or turmoil again when she would already have a baby of her own.

"Sweetheart, truthfully I don't want you to get pregnant again, not when we both know how it could turn out. Our one and only girl is gonna be perfect."

If Ben had known how badly (Y/n)'s miscarriages had gone, they wouldn't be here having their girl now because he would have taken the precautions to make sure (Y/n) wouldn't get pregnant. He wouldn't want to put her at risk like that but after their girl, Ben didn't want to have another baby. He couldn't bare the thought of trying again and seeing (Y/n) lose the baby or see her health deteriorate or find her unconscious and bleeding like Gwilym found her.

He wasn't putting (Y/n)'s health and life at risk, they were having a baby girl and that was it and their family would be perfect and complete with just the three of them.

(Y/n) let her eyes fall closed as the radio hummed in the background like it was trying to soothe her headache. They were at twenty-one weeks now so they had just about four months left before they got to meet their daughter and that knowledge was unrealistic to (Y/n).

They could actually start buying things for the baby now, (Y/n) had never gotten to the stage where she could think about buying things and not worry that something was going to go wrong. The midwife said that their girl was fine, her heartbeat was fine and she was growing at the normal rate, there was nothing to suggest that anything would go wrong and even though (Y/n) was still a bit paranoid, she was much calmer than she thought she would be.

(Y/n) felt her stomach jumping when Ben pulled up outside his parent's house. She'd only met his parents twice and the first time was to tell them that she and Ben were expecting a baby, that had been more than nerve-wracking for (Y/n). It was so different with Gwilym's mother because she and (Y/n) got along, they had known each other for just over a year before her and Gwilym had to tell her that they were expecting a baby each time around. (Y/n) felt comfortable around her.

With Ben's mother it was more intimidating because she was getting to know her whilst she was pregnant, she was being thrown in at the deep end and being told to swim on her own.

Ben's mother was so kind and welcoming and (Y/n) could tell they were going to get along just fine, but it was working towards getting comfortable and getting to know her that was making (Y/n) nervous.

"Still have a headache?" Ben asked gently when they got out of the car and started walking up the drive.

"Not as bad, I'm okay." Reaching out, (Y/n) tangled her hand with Ben's when he got out his keys and unlocked the door, calling out to his parents as they walked inside. (Y/n) felt like she was walking into an exam hall, desperate to get all the answers right and make no mistakes or slip-ups. But she could also feel her stomach tingling with excitement at the thought of telling Jessica that she was going to have a granddaughter.

"You're here, how'd it go? What do we have, a boy or a girl?" Jessica headed out of the kitchen and hurried down the hall until she could wrap Ben up in a hug, having to pull him down to her due to the height difference. When she released Ben from her grasp, she turned to (Y/n) and pulled her in for a loving but gentle hug.

"Mum, we just got through the door. Can we at least sit down first?" Ben rested his hand on his mother's shoulder before looking towards the living room. He'd barely shut the door behind them both before his mother came in with her burning questions, it would be nice to sit down and tell her rather than rush to give her the answers right here in the hallway.

His mother sighed, pursing her lips before she nodded, beckoning them to follow her into the living room where James, Ben's father was sitting on the armchair in the bay window, smiling anxiously.

Ben sat down on the sofa and gently tugged on (Y/n)'s hand, pulling her down to sit next to him as his mother sat down on the chair that was next to Ben near to the door. He could feel his mother's eyes intensely watching him, waiting for them to tell her anything and everything about the scan today and Ben could already sense the smile on her face.

"It went well, everything's fine... we're going to have a baby girl." Ben smiled when (Y/n) handed him the scan photo which he passed over to his mum who was almost shaking and her smile widened to the point it must have hurt.

"Oh, that's so lovely! James, our first granddaughter." Jessica handed the photo over to James who didn't have enough words to form a sentence so he just smiled, brushing the tears from the corners of his eyes.

When (Y/n) notice the tears falling from Jessica's eyes she patted Ben's thigh lightly, silently telling him that he was right in his assumptions that his mother would be sobbing. The sight made something burn in (Y/n)'s chest but it wasn't really a bad feeling, it was a mix between joy and heartache. (Y/n) had never been able to give this kind of news to Audrey when she and Gwilym were expecting. They'd never gone round to her house and said she was having a grandson or a granddaughter, the most they had ever done was simply to tell her they were expecting a baby that never made it.

(Y/n) liked the atmosphere this kind of news created and the smiles it brought to Ben's parent's faces but it was foreign territory for her.

When (Y/n) leaned her head on his shoulder, Ben turned his head to look at her and when he noticed she was trying not to cry he immediately seemed to understand what was going through her mind. He pressed his lips to her forehead, smiling when her free hand wrapped around his upper arm like she was gluing herself to his side.

"Have you thought of any names yet?"

"Not yet, do you have any suggestions?" (Y/n) leaned around Ben to look at Jessica who looked like she was brimming with suggestions.

Half of the names she suggested washed over Ben's head and the ones he really didn't like he just laughed at but some of them started to stick in (Y/n)'s mind and she filed them away for later reference.

(Y/n) brushed the back of her hand under her nose but when she pulled her hand back and noticed a streak of blood. Her lips pursed as she looked down at her bag resting at her feet and rummaged around until she found a tissue. She hoped Ben's parents didn't realise, she didn't want to make a scene but when she looked over at them they didn't seem to realise, they were still running through names and talking about when the baby would be due.

(Y/n) didn't have nosebleeds very often but during this pregnancy she'd had more nosebleeds than she ever had in her entire life. The midwife kept reassuring her it was normal due to the different hormones and the imbalance in hormones due to the baby but (Y/n) didn't like this side effect. It meant she had to stuff loads of tissues into her bag whenever she went out in case this happened.

Pulling back the tissue, (Y/n) grimaced at seeing how much blood was soaking into the tissue. She scrunched up the tissue and pressed it back to her nose but (Y/n) could feel her heart picking up speed when she could feel the blood soaking through the tissue and onto her hand.

"Um... excuse me..." (Y/n) pressed her hand tighter to her nose before she stood up and walked out of the room.

Looking around, (Y/n) decided to head for the kitchen rather than drag herself upstairs to get to the bathroom. When she reached the sink she dropped the tissue into the sterling silver basin before she reached over to turn on the tap. Leaning over the sink, (Y/n) tipped her head down and tried breathing through her mouth as she watched the large droplets of blood jump into the sink and merge with the running water.

"Baby, you okay?"

"I'm fine, just a little nosebleed." (Y/n) waved her hand to try and get Ben to go back to his parents but she could hear him approaching her. "Ben I-I'm okay, it's stopping-"

"Let me see." Ben gently turned (Y/n) until she was facing him, her head ducked down a little to stop the blood from going down the back of her throat but when Ben pressed his finger under her chin and leaned down to look at her, his lips curled in distaste at the blood. (Y/n) looked like some kind of vampire. "Shit, alright come here."

Ben bit his lip, pressing his lips into a thin line when he saw the amount of blood streaking down her lips and chin. He grabbed a cloth and ran it under the tap before swiping at (Y/n)'s hands to clean the blood from them.

"Pinch the bridge of your nose, head back over the sink." (Y/n) did as instructed, feeling the headache both alleviating yet getting worse when the blood just wouldn't stop. Ben pulled back for a moment when (Y/n) spat the blood from her mouth into the sink, coughing whilst trying not to gag from the horrid feeling.

Ben ran the cloth under the tap again before gently wiping at (Y/n)'s mouth and chin so he could tell how badly the bleeding was and when it would eventually stop. He rung the cloth out before turning the tap so the water was as cold as it could be and when the cloth was wet, he pressed it to (Y/n)'s nose, hoping the cold water would help to ease the bleeding. His stomach tensed when Ben pulled back and turned around so she was leaning over the sink again. She rested her arms around the edge of the sink and dipped her head down that felt like it was going to explode.

(Y/n) spat what little of the blood was still in her mouth before rubbing her hands together under the water. She hated having any cuts or scrapes because she hated blood on her, every spec of the substance had to be scrubbed off her skin until it was gone.

"Do you need to sit down?" Ben gently pulled the cloth from her nose when he figured the bleeding was slowing down now whilst his other hand gently brushed over the side of her face. He could see the discomfort on her features and she looked like she didn't feel too good. Her headache was most likely getting worse after that blood loss.

When (Y/n) nodded, Ben guided her over to the kitchen table but he stopped when a whimper escaped (Y/n)'s lips. Ben barely had chance to look down at her to see what was wrong before her head fell into his shoulder and her knees gave way.

"(Y/n)? Oh fuck." Ben sighed through the words when he realised that she'd fainted on him. Moving his arms quickly, Ben kept one arm around (Y/n)'s back and the other under her legs, holding her tightly as he slowly went down on his knees, guiding her with him until she was leaning up against him. "Baby, what am I going to do with you?"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Baby, did you have another nosebleed?" Ben threw some tissue into the bathroom bin, grimacing at the thought of (Y/n) having another nosebleed that compared to the one she had at his parent's house last week. She'd already had a very small nosebleed again and Ben hadn't known her to have two in a day. But there were used bloodied tissues in the bin so it was a sure sign and when he looked in the sink he could see small dashes of blood speckled around the basin.

When he didn't get a response, Ben dragged his hand through his loose curls before he turned and headed out of the bathroom. As Ben passed the bedroom he leaned in to see if (Y/n) was in there and smiled when he saw she was.

Ben walked into the room but the smile on his lips faltered when he looked at (Y/n) properly. She was sitting in the middle of the bed with the tv on in the background, she had her legs crossed beneath her and her hands resting on her stomach. Ben could see a small smudge of blood under her nose telling him the nosebleed had happened recently but there were tears in her eyes which were worrying him.

"Baby, what's up?" Ben sat down on the bed with her, leaning his weight back onto his right hand as his left hand rubbed over her leg.

He couldn't work out why she was crying, she wasn't in floods of tears and she didn't look terribly upset or panicked but there was definitely something the matter. He brushed his thumb over her thigh, trying to coax her to tell him what was wrong.

Ben smiled when (Y/n)'s eyes met his own and there was curiosity in his eyes when (Y/n) reached for his hand that was on her thigh. She held his hand with quite a bit of force that took him by surprise but he was more stunned by her actions when she pulled him closer so that she could press his hand against the side of her stomach. Ben rose his brows, waiting silently for something to happen but his mouth went agape when he felt a kick against the palm of his hand.

No words passed between either of them for a few moments as they waited for the kicking to subside and disappear but when Ben looked back up at (Y/n), tears were falling quicker from her eyes.

"I- I've never felt a baby move or kick before." (Y/n) tightened her hand around Ben's that was still pressed against her stomach despite the kicking having now stopped.

(Y/n) had never gotten to the point of feeling the baby wriggling and moving around and she'd never felt a baby kicking before but it made her heart speed up until she was sure her heart was going to explode. She'd always wondered what it would feel like and (Y/n) had wished to get to this point, it showed her that she was doing something right and that their baby girl was okay.

"You've got another four months of her doing that." Ben's words made (Y/n) smile before she let go of his hand so she could cup his face and lean forward to press a kiss to his lips.

[megalony]

Run away- Part 2

Here is the follow up to my murderer! Ben Hardy imagine requested by the lovely @virginievezzoso I hope you all like it.

Taglist: @lunaticspoem @butlegendsneverdie @langdonzvoid @jennyggggrrr @rogmeddows @radiob-l-a-hblah @rogertaylorsbitontheside @chlobo6 @rogertaylors-lipgloss @sj-thefan @omgitsearly @luckytrashgooprebel @scarsout @deaky-with-a-c @killer-queen-ofrhye @bluutac @vousmemanqueez @jonesyaddiction @ambi-and-sunflowers @milanosaurus @httpfandxms @saint-hardy @7-seas-of-fat-bottomed-girls @mrsalwayswritex @rogerina-owns-me @peterquillzsblog @im-an-adult-ish @crazylittlethingg​

Imagine taglist: @perriwiinkle​

Murderer! Ben masterlist

Part 1

Summary: Ben holds (Y/n) hostage after she sees a murder being committed but he decides she can be of some use around the club. He let’s her go, but she can’t stop herself from becoming attached, even if she knows it’s wrong.

Enjoy.

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"Back so soon I see." His voice grated against (Y/n)'s ears and made her body go rigid with fear and displeasure. He sounded so smug, so disconcerting and when she turned to see his face there was the most sinister yet shit-eating grin on his face that was worse than any other time he had looked at her. He looked like a predator who had spotted a vulnerable prey to devour.

"You handed in a letter of resignation at my other job, remember? I don't really have a choice." (Y/n) spared him one more glance before she turned away from him and walked down the hall she remembered running out of to leave when he finally released her.

(Y/n) had told herself as soon as she got home she would move, she would stay somewhere else until she could find a permanent place of residence where he wouldn't know where she was. She wanted to be rid of him but (Y/n) soon found that it wasn't so simple.

The hospital she worked at called her the day after Ben released her from holding her hostage and said they were sorry she decided to resign but they accepted her resignation. She had no other place of work except to go to Ben and when she tried to apply for a new job, something mysteriously happened and she got an email back saying they wouldn't take someone who already had a job. It didn't take much to know Ben had hacked her phone, he knew who she spoke to, he got into her emails and he knew all of her personal details.

(Y/n) needed a job and Ben was cutting off all her options until he was her last resort, he was making sure he was her only supply of oxygen and she had no other choice but to come to him.

"You're going the wrong way, baby. I need you to be behind the scenes not in the main club."

(Y/n)'s eyes fell closed and she took a very deep breath through her nose to try and remain calm. She had thought of everything she could possibly do to try and get away from him but nothing she came up with was going to work, Ben had wormed his way into her life, into her phone, her house, her work and he wasn't letting her go. He was like a tumour too deeply embedded inside of her to be removed and (Y/n)'s only choice was to live with him.

He had forced his way into her thoughts already and it was like he knew what she was thinking and feeling and she hated it.

When Ben reached out and held onto her elbow, clearly intending to show or drag her along to where he needed her, surprise flooded his face when (Y/n) ripped her arm free from his hold and took a step back.

"Don't touch me. I'm here because I need a job but I'm not here for you to play with as you wish, you've messed me around enough."

(Y/n) was here because she was desperate for a job and Ben was leaving her no other choice but she didn't come here so he could own and control her and do with her what he pleased. She didn't want him to stand too close to her, to touch her or even talk to her when it wasn't necessary, the further away from him she stayed, the better she would feel.

(Y/n) choked on her breath when Ben's hand suddenly latched around her wrist but she had no time to protest or try and get him to let go before he was walking down the corridor, roughly dragging her behind him like pulling a dog on a leash. 

She didn't know where he was dragging her, she had only run out of her room of confinement and darted down a long corridor and bolted out the first doors she had spotted. She also knew that when she did that Ben was following after her like a shadow, he let her run out because she was scared and he liked it. He wanted her to be scared and if he thought she was never coming back, he wouldn't have let her leave.

Ben practically threw (Y/n) into one of the rooms on the left and as soon as they were both inside, she heard the unmistakable sound of the door locking.

"No- no stop it-" (Y/n) bashed her fists against Ben's chest, scratching at his arms to try and push him away but he wasn't having any of it. He backed her up against the wall, pushing his knee between her legs to pin her in place and prevent her from moving. Her breath got caught in her lungs and her stomach sucked in when Ben was pressed fully up against her and his face was inches from her own.

Both her hands were held in one of his, pressed between them to stop her from trying to hit him.

"Baby girl you're here because you're weak." His words surprised (Y/n) and his tone scared her because he was so calm and he sounded serene. The smile on his face was almost like he pitied her like she had no control over herself or anything around her. "I can stop you from getting any other job but you didn't have to come here, you could have persisted in trying to find a different job but you gave up so easily after the first lost job because you want to be here. You want to work for me, we both know you do."

"No, t-that's not-"

"Look at you, last time I pinned you down you still tried to fight even when I had a knife. This time, you could ram you knee right in my crotch and I have no weapon against you but you're as still a statue because you want me to pin you up like this. You're alive because I want you to be but you're here now because you want to be with me."

His words made (Y/n)'s heart fall right down to her stomach and caused tears to form in her eyes. He was wrong, he had to be wrong.

There was no way she would waltz right back in here if she had any other choice. She didn't try and get any other jobs because Ben had control over everything and she knew it was pointless, not because she gave up easily to come and work for him. (Y/n) didn't want to be here and she didn't want him pinning her to the wall and having so much control over her and her life. He had tied her up for two days and then he threatened her and he could have stabbed her, just to then let her run away with the knowledge she would be coming right back to him.

When his words settled into her head, (Y/n) tried to lift her knee but Ben stomped his foot over her own and punctured his knee into her leg to keep it in place. He gave her the idea as an example, now she was trying to do what he said only proved that she was here because she wanted to be.

"Why don't you just admit it, baby? You'll feel so much better if you stop lying to yourself."

"I'm not lying!" (Y/n) pushed her body forcefully against Ben's but a choked sound escaped her lips when he simply pushed her back into the wall again. He actually smiled when he watched her bite her lip out of frustration and noticed the angered tears leaving her eyes.

(Y/n) pushed her fists into his chest as much as she could with his hand binding her wrists together and and when he grinned wickedly at her she snapped her eyes closed so she didn't have to look at him anymore, pushing her body against his to try and push him away.

She couldn't want to be here out of her own free will.

This man was a murderer and he had kidnapped her and threatened her, he was controlling her life and using her like a puppet, pulling all of her strings for his own gain. There was no way she could want to be here, all she wanted was to get away from him and have her life back.

A squeak passed through (Y/n)'s lips when Ben pushed himself more against her, making sure she was pinned against the wall properly before his lips smothered hers. She could feel his teeth clashing against her own that sent shock waves through her system and she felt like clay in his hands to be moulded to his desire when he reached his free hand to the side of her face and tilted her head up to better meet his own.

Why was he kissing her? What would he gain from doing this to her? Why was she letting him kiss her? He was a murderer, he was the bastard that kidnapped her and held her hostage and had now taken over her life, she shouldn't be letting him do this.

(Y/n) nearly moaned when he bit her lip but it soon turned to a gasp in the back of her throat when his teeth suddenly punctured into her lip like he was biting a grape. She could feel the blood forming around his teeth and when he released her lip his tongue swiped over the cuts he had created and he did that with his eyes open and piercing into her soul.

"Now if you really didn't want me to do that," As he started to speak, he kissed her jaw and cheek in between each word, slowly trailing his way up her features until he reached her ear. "You wouldn't have reciprocated... and you would have realised I'd let go."

For a moment (Y/n) didn't really understand or take in what he was telling her but horror struck her mind when she realised he'd let go of her hands and he'd created a very small air of space between them. If she didn't kiss him back, if she really was repulsed and afraid of him she would have realised and she would have pushed him away and tried to unlock the door and escape. But she didn't notice because she had been too focused on what he was doing to her.

Surely she didn't really want him to kiss her? But then again, she didn't push him away and she wasn't stopping him now when he was kissing the skin below her ear that was making her shiver. Whatever reason she wasn't pushing him away, (Y/n) knew what he was doing and she didn't like it.

He was trying to worm his way into her heart because he knew once he got that, he would consume her and own her entire being.

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Grabbing a cotton swab from the table beside her, (Y/n) dipped it in the bowl of warm water before she looked at the man sitting in front of her who could clearly see the discomfort on her face.

Ben kept his head tilted up but his eyes tilted down so he could properly look at (Y/n) who was sitting very close in front of him so she could tend to the wounds he had gotten while boxing this afternoon. This was what (Y/n) was here for, to patch the people up who got damaged during fighting or if they were out running backstreet errands for Ben. This was why she was here but for some reason, (Y/n) didn't think it would be Ben she would be patching up and she didn't like it.

She didn't like sitting in front of him with her legs resting between his legs that were spread wide with his knees angled to the sides. He had his arms resting on his knees so he was leaning forward and it made him look so casual and so carefree. But (Y/n) didn't like being this close because she knew he was liable to try something on and he had already feathered his fingers over her knees and thighs.

(Y/n) dabbed the cotton under Ben's nose and just around his nostrils to clean up the dried blood. She did have to admit that Ben was the perfect patient right now, he didn't moan or flinch or hesitate, he sat like a model and let her do what she had to without making any kind of fuss. He was her perfect patient, but then again, he wasn't.

When the blood was mostly gone, (Y/n) put the cotton in the bin before pinching the bridge of Ben's nose with her finger and thumb, feeling for any fracture or break in the nose that had been set out and in place too many times to count. But there was no break and no hairline fracture or displacement of the cartilage, he was fine.

"Any other injuries?"

"This one wasn't from boxing." Ben leaned his head down and (Y/n) was unsure what he was doing or what she was supposed to be looking at until he pointed to the back of his head. She parted his short hair until she could see a cut that looked like he'd bashed his head and split the skin.

"Okay, turn around." (Y/n) froze in place, her arms held in mid-air when Ben shook his head before he leaned over fully until his forehead was resting on her thigh. (Y/n) had to stop her leg from jerking up and hitting his head when he kissed her through her tights and moved his patched up hands until they were holding her upper thighs. "No, Ben s-stop it... just turn around." (Y/n) squirmed in her seat, tensing her legs when she was sure she could feel his teeth against her tights.

"I can't leave until you check the cut and I ain't turning around." His breath tickled her skin that now had goosebumps covering it. He wasn't going to move until she'd seen to his head and the only way she could do that was to suffer through his touch that she was desperately telling herself that she didn't like.

But if she didn't like it so much, why was she convincing herself? Surely she would have no need to tell herself over and over that she didn't like it if she really hated his touch?

(Y/n) took a deep breath before she leaned over and grabbed another cotton swab, dipping it in the water before attempting to clean the cut to see if he needed stitches or not. Her finger and thumb tore through the cotton with how hard she was gripping to try and stop herself from shaking when Ben pressed a very long kiss to her thigh and she could feel his teeth scratching and pulling on the threads of her tights.

Closing her eyes, (Y/n) dragged her hand over her face, trying to keep herself together but she was beginning to sweat and her heart was breaking through her ribs making her chest hurt with each beat of her heart. What was he doing to her?

She could feel Ben chuckling against her skin when he heard how shaky her breath was as it pushed through gritted teeth. (Y/n) rummaged through her bag before she found a small tube of purpose glue that would work better than stitches. Ben's cut was small but it was deep and it needed healing, glue would work better. (Y/n) pinched the skin at the back of his head to close the wound before she slowly and shakily squeezed the glue into and over the wound. She held his skin for a minute just to make sure it would set properly before letting go, closing her eyes as she tipped her head back in relief.

He could let her go now.

"Y-you're all done." Her voice clearly trembled and she was very quiet but Ben didn't comment, much to her relief.

But (Y/n)'s eyes snapped open and her head tipped down when Ben suddenly bit her inner thigh. The sudden action caused her leg to jump up and she straightened and pushed back in her chair just as Ben pulled up, smiling innocently as if nothing was the matter.

"I'm not doing this anymore." (Y/n) threw the tube of glue in her hand at Ben's chest, glancing down at her leg where her tights had ripped and she could already see a bruise forming. Her frown stayed put and her eyes were blazing with anger as she stood up and attempted to walk out of the room. She wasn't staying here and working for him any more just for him to play and toy with her however he wanted. She wasn't his pet or his possession, he couldn't treat her like this anymore. "I'm done, leave me alone Ben I don't want anything to do with you!"

(Y/n) all but screamed when she opened the door just to have his hand come up and slam it shut. She stayed where she was facing the door, feeling his chest very close to her back.

"Somehow I find that hard to believe."

"What are you gonna do, hmm? Tie me up again until I submit, because it won't work." (Y/n) turned around so she was facing him but he looked unphased and unbothered by what she was saying.

"Baby, I don't need to tie you up- unless you ask me to of course. Go on, walk out the door and go home, I won't stop you because I know you'll just walk right back in here in a few days, begging for more."

"Why would I do that?"

(Y/n) lifted her chin and managed to hold her nerve as she looked up at her captor who was thriving off of tormenting and playing with her. He teased her and he hurt her and he tried to get too personal with her because he could and he wanted to see what effect he would have on her. But (Y/n) was done playing this game, she didn't want to be Ben's toy any more, it would have been so much easier if he had just shot her that night they met. (Y/n) would have been happier with that option.

"Because you like it, you like me. I've seen you, hanging round the corners listening to how this place works, I've seen you watching me and everyone else here with big wide eyes. And I see the way you look when I touch you. You can walk away and I won't stop you, I won't even come looking for you or check up on you. That's how much I believe that you'll be running back to me soon."

(Y/n) raked her eyes up and down his frame like she was analysing him, checking to see if any part of him showed he was lying or like he was going to chase her once she started running. But he just stuffed his hands in her pockets and even opened the door for her, motioning for her to go. So she did.

She wouldn't come back, she didn't want to.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A subtle trembling took over (Y/n)'s body when her timid form walked very slowly up to the front door.

One week.

She had lasted one week and two days before she found herself stood in front of the doors to the club that haunted her every waking moment. For one week, she had been home, gone out to see her family who were becoming worried about her increasingly anxious and unsettled state. She'd gone shopping and looked at other jobs. But in that time, the only thing (Y/n) could think of was Ben's lips pressing against her skin. Ben's voice scratching against her ear with a low melodic hum rattling through it. She couldn't stop thinking about his gaze burning into her or the devilish way his lips would curl up at the corners.

When (Y/n) tried to look for a job her finger hovered over the apply button but she couldn't find it in herself to press it. What if Ben found out and stopped her? But what if he didn't? What he he let her apply and get the job and didn't contact her at all like he said? Somehow, not hearing anything from him felt worse than having him ruin her applications.

Why did she feel so conscious about him, wanting him to check on her or ring her or find her when she shouldn't? He took her hostage, he hurt her and he threatened to kill her, there was no reason why she should be desperate to get back into Ben's clutches when he had let her go.

But when she woke up this morning (Y/n) couldn't take it anymore, the pain she felt and the unknowing of what Ben was thinking made (Y/n) get in her car and drive out to the club. Now she was pushing through the door, she didn't even bother stopping the tears that were brimming up in her eyes.

(Y/n) wrapped her arms as tight as she could manage around her waist to try and console herself like she was hugging herself or holding her broken pieces together so she didn't fall apart. When she reached Ben's office, she couldn't manage to bring herself to knock on the door. She stayed silent and unmoving for what felt like a lifetime and she somehow wondered why Ben hadn't heard her hitched breaths or the way she was trying to stop the sobs from leaving her lips.

(Y/n) didn't know what came over her but she suddenly felt a burst of anger and energy at the same time and didn't bother knocking before she burst into the room.

Her watery eyes locked on Ben's frame and the sight of him made her knees tremble and her breathing stop momentarily. He was sat behind his desk, his hair slightly tangled and ruffled from his fingers carding through the strands and when he looked up he seemed like he was going to say something snarky or rude for her barging in. But the moment he realised who had entered his office without knocking, his annoyance turned to glee and his eyes lit up with excitement.

He let go of the pen in his hand and leaned back in his seat, clasping his hands together in his lap as he waited for her to say something. He wasn't going to make this easy for her.

"I... I- y-you were right... I couldn't s-stay away." (Y/n) could barely see Ben through the tears in her eyes and her breath got stuck in the back of her throat. She wished he wouldn't look so smug and smile at her like that, she didn't want him to gloat she wanted him to be even the slightest bit sympathetic or kinder towards her.

"A week, baby I thought you could last longer than that." It seemed like he was almost disappointed that she here after a week like he had placed a bet on her staying away for a month.

(Y/n) didn't respond, she had half the mind to stomp her foot on the ground like a child to try and get him to understand but she already knew he understood his control and hold her over completely. He knew what he was doing to her and he was playing on it, he was tormenting her because he could and because it brought him some twisted kind of happiness.

She watched silently as he got up and walked around his desk until he was standing in front of her. He was surprised (Y/n) didn't so much as flinch when he placed his hands on her hips and pulled her close. She wasn't writhing away from him or looking away or flinching, she was as still as a statue, accepting his touch almost like she had missed it.

"Why won't you l-let me go?" (Y/n) leaned her forehead against his chest, unsure what she was truly asking because there was more to this than meets the eye. He let her leave but he didn't let go of his hold over her and that drew her right back into him. (Y/n) didn't know why Ben seemed to want to toy and play with her like this and she didn't know how to feel about any of it.

"Oh, baby where's the fun in that? I own you now. " His words formed perfectly clear in (Y/n)'s mind but her whimper wasn't one of pain, fear or anguish. She couldn't find it in herself to be truly bothered by his words. She knew she was never going to be free from him, that much was clear, but did she really want to be out of his grasp when he had such a powerful hold over her?

She wanted this, no matter how wrong it was.

[megalony]

She’s a good girl- Part 2

This is my new murderer! Ben Hardy series I’m working on, thank you for the lovely feedback on the first part I hope you all enjoy this part (two posts in one day!).

Taglist: @lunaticspoem @butlegendsneverdie @langdonzvoid @jennyggggrrr @rogmeddows @radiob-l-a-hblah @rogertaylorsbitontheside @chlobo6 @rogertaylors-lipgloss @sj-thefan @omgitsearly @luckytrashgooprebel @scarsout @deaky-with-a-c @killer-queen-ofrhye @bluutac @vousmemanqueez @jonesyaddiction @ambi-and-sunflowers @milanosaurus @httpfandxms @saint-hardy @7-seas-of-fat-bottomed-girls @mrsalwayswritex @rogerina-owns-me @peterquillzsblog @im-an-adult-ish @crazylittlethingg​

Series taglist: @onceuponadetectivedemigod​

Series masterlist

Summary: (Y/n) is a good girl from a church-going family and her brother, Joe is trying to put Ben behind bars. But when (Y/n) starts to fall for the dangerous killer, things get complicated.

Enjoy.

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"Why didn't you wear your dress? You always wear the blue one on Sundays." Linda's voice sent shivers running down (Y/n)'s spine and the papers in her hands started to become crinkled at the sides from how tightly her fingers were pressing into them and she was sure her fingerprints would soon become visible.

The comment made (Y/n)'s eyes dart down to look at her attire for today's sermon, wondering what was so wrong with what she was wearing. She had chosen a pair of dark navy blue leggings, a checkered blue and white shirt that tied into a bow at the bottom front and she had a black cardigan to go with it.

(Y/n) never really got to choose what she wore to church, even when her mother made it seem like a choice, it really wasn't. Linda advised (Y/n) what to wear, said a dress was appropriate and once she wore the blue one Linda just persuaded (Y/n) to call it her Sunday dress and for her to wear it every weekend without fail.

But (Y/n) didn't want to wear a dress that both made her seem innocent and sweet yet a young, timid little girl. She wanted to choose what she wanted to wear and she wanted to wear things that were nice and looked good. (Y/n) wanted to look like she was actually eighteen and not twelve or fourteen, she didn't want to be seen as a childish little girl who had to be protected.

Deep down, she knew the reason she had chosen to wear something different also had something to do with what happened last Sunday. When she met Ben. If by chance, he happened to walk past at the end of sermon today, (Y/n) wanted to be wearing something that made her feel more confident and look her age. She didn't want Ben to see her as a little girl, even if she shouldn't be thinking so much about how a murderer looked at her.

She had gone for a walk with him on Monday and then on Thursday he had taken her for a drive in his car. Each time, (Y/n) had to lie to her parents and say she was going out with a friend from college and both times she had been told off for going without asking first. But it just felt so good to get away from everything and not have to worry about what time she went home or who she was out with. She could be herself around someone she really shouldn't feel comfortable with.

"I thought I'd wear something different." (Y/n) smoothed down her top out of nervous habit. Whenever she wore something her mother or father didn't approve of, she ended up rethinking it and changing into something they liked. It was too late for that today.

"You should have gone with the dress, you should look respectable at church-"

"Mother please, there's nothing wrong with what I'm wearing." (Y/n) would have thought the dress was worse considering it showed her legs from the knee down whereas what she was wearing today only showed her arms.

(Y/n) reached for the last piece of paper discarded in the front row before she placed them down on the table at the alter. It was only a small list of hymns they had sung today and the topic of her father's speech. A small smile of relief flooded her face when her father came out of the vestry. He wasn't changed yet which meant they weren't leaving for a while, it gave (Y/n) time to get outside and watch with hopeful eyes for Ben passing by.

"I'm going to wait outside." (Y/n) spoke to her father rather than her mother, knowing he would be more understanding, even if he normally was just as strict as his wife.

Hooking her bag onto her shoulder, (Y/n) slowly walked down the aisle and out of the open wooden doors that were heavy and creaked and groaned when they were opened or closed.

The bright sunlight hit her eyes and make it momentarily hard to see but when a hand rested on her elbow she jumped. Her heart fluttered in her chest but soon started to calm down when she saw that it was only Joe. This had been the first time in two months that Joe was finally able to make it to a Sunday sermon and their mother had been mightily impressed and over the moon that he was here. Their whole family sitting in the front left row watching their father give one of the same old speeches that enamoured everyone but (Y/n) whose thoughts had been somewhere else entirely.

"Dad really knows how to calm the mind, huh?"

Joe stuffed his hands into his pockets and moved so they were standing to the left of the doors, out of the way up beside the old bricks of the church. Something about Sundays always made Joe calm, he loved sitting and listening to their father preach, it was like listening to whale music when trying to sleep. It calmed Joe down immensely and eased his mind, especially when he was working on a case.

"Is your mind usually erratic?" (Y/n) countered with a grin, leaning her shoulders back against the wall but her eyes couldn't help but scout around. She wanted to see Ben walking past or notice his car parked over the road, she wanted to see his cheeky grin or his lips wrapped around a cigarette. (Y/n) wanted to run her fingers through his hair or reach out for his hand, she wanted to lean her head on his shoulder as they walked down the street like she had been so desperate to do on Monday.

"It is when I've got a killer running laps round my mind. The bastard's beaten up one of his own men and put him in hospital and the guy won't testify. Won't say a bad word against him."

Joe tipped his head back against the bricks, stomping his foot to the ground in a way that reminded (Y/n) of an angrily child who didn't get what they wanted. Joe either didn't see the grimace on (Y/n)'s face or if he did, he put it down to talk of a murderer when in fact, it made her uncomfortable to even think about Ben as a killer.

She had been around him a few times now and every time he was as sweet as sugar with her. He smiled, he laughed and he tried to coax her to talk and was always a gentleman around her. He never made fun of her or was rude to her in any way, he didn't step over the line when he was out with her or push her too far or showed any bad side when he was in her presence. (Y/n) just couldn't see how Ben was the killer Joe made him out to be when he was so kind around her.

"How do you propose to catch this killer, then?" (Y/n) forced a smile as she looked over at Joe.

"I need the evidence, gotta wait for him to slip up and watch him until he gives me something useful."

As if by magic, something caught the corner of (Y/n)'s eye and when she glanced over, she could see the familiar frame walking slowly up the street with his eyes set on the church like it was a beacon to him. He had come to see her, there was no other reason for him to be up this way at this time unless he wanted to see (Y/n).

"Hopefully it won't take you too long." (Y/n) nodded at her brother, a nervous smile playing on her lips before she pushed herself off the bricks and walked over the short cut grass. She knew Joe would presume she was just going to sit on the wall and wait for their parents to be ready to go home, like always.

(Y/n) perched herself down on the wall beside the willow tree just like last week, except this time, there was no fear or surprise in her eyes as she watched Ben walking closer to her. There was a half-finished cigarette pressed between his lips and he had a plain white shirt on, black trousers and a black beanie which kind of conflicted the look but still looked socially acceptable.

Ben seemed to have noticed Joe straight away because he kept his head turned and didn't look over in Joe's direction once, he was drifting by like a whisper in the wind.

(Y/n) tried hard to stop herself from smiling too widely when Ben's eyes landed on her but he wasn't slowing down his pace. A surge of panic started to beat through her veins with her blood as she wondered if he was going to walk right past her. Maybe he didn't want anything to do with her anymore? What if he had seen Joe and thought (Y/n) was definitely spying on him for her brother? What if he was just teasing her all along and she had fallen for it hook, right and sinker?

Every question imaginable raced through her head but they were all diminished when Ben's hand reached out and took hers that was resting on her lap. He locked his fingers expertly with hers and carried on walking, gently tugging her with him until she hopped off the wall and started walking down the path with him. Ben kept a quick pace to ensure that Joe wouldn't see (Y/n) walking off with a stranger, to then realise who the stranger was.

"Hello." (Y/n) smiled up at Ben when they were round the side of the church and out of sight of everyone who would see and snitch back to her parents. Her head tilted up to look at Ben who smiled down at her around the cigarette.

"Hello." Ben's voice was almost enamouring and addictive and when (Y/n) noticed the way he was biting the end of the cigarette it sent sparks running through her stomach.

(Y/n) thought that when they were out the way of the church, Ben would have let go of her hand since he would have no need to make sure she hurried alongside him. But he kept her hand tightly against his own, rubbing circles on the side of her hand with his thumb like he was silently telling her something or trying to calm her down.

"What happened to the dress?"

Ben removed the cigarette from his lips, offering it to (Y/n) before stubbing it between his shoe when she kindly declined. When Ben noticed the way (Y/n) looked herself over without a smile, his head ticked to the side and he bit down on his lower lip. She was a puzzle to him that he wanted to work out and fit into place. He wanted to see the bigger picture with (Y/n) but he didn't know why. He had no idea why he talked to her last weekend when he first saw her.

Maybe it was because she seemed so shocked but not scared when she saw him and knew who he was. Maybe it was because there was an aura about her that was intoxicating to him, maybe talking to her stirred something inside Ben that he hadn't felt in a while. Whatever the reason, Ben couldn't seem to walk away from her and she didn't want him to either.

"I, um... I thought I'd wear something different."

"Suits you... although I'd like to think that you dressed up for me, and not for your prayers to the man upstairs." Ben spoke against the shell of (Y/n)'s ear causing her heart to jump up into her throat and constrict her breathing. Was it so clear that she wanted to look different when she was around him? That she wanted to look like more of a grown up and more like herself than the little shy doll her parents always tried to dress up. 

Ben's temple leaned against her own as they continued walking and for one split second, (Y/n) wondered if he was going to kiss her. He certainly looked like the thought had crossed his mind and that it was something he was debating, but then he seemed to think better of it and settled for a sharp but still gentle smile her way.

"Where are we going?" It took a lot for (Y/n) to keep her voice level as she realised didn't quite know if Ben had somewhere in mind or if they were just going on an aimless walk like they had done on Monday. Either was fine with her but she wanted to know if Ben had some sort of idea, he normally seemed to know exactly what he wanted to do.

"Would it be acceptable for me to steal you away from Sunday lunch for a bit? I'd like you to myself for a while."

It felt like rockets had been set off in (Y/n)'s chest when those words registered in her mind. There were hundreds of connotations and meanings behind what he just said but (Y/n) knew there was nothing creepy or dirty or weird behind them. Yet it still made her heart flip in her chest and when he pulled her closer into his side her legs almost gave way.

There was no way this man was the murderer Joe was after.

Last time they were out walking together, there had been a small membrane of space between them like a barrier neither of them were willing to cross in fear of what they would be faced with. But Ben had broken that barrier this time around because he was holding her hand and keeping (Y/n) tucked into his side like he was making sure he kept her safe.

Taking a daring risk, (Y/n) looked up at Ben before she leaned her head on his arm. She could feel his eyes on her as she did so but he didn't say anything about it, they just kept on walking.

(Y/n) didn't know how long they had been walking for, it felt like they had been drifting around for hours before she noticed Ben was slowing down until they were practically non-moving. When she leaned to see what had caught his eye, (Y/n) noticed that it was a building. It was a two-story building that was formed into an odd shape with extensions on the side, an unfinished building round the back and a car park at the side.

"Is that your gym?"

"Yeah."

There were no cars in the car park and the doors looked like they were locked, (Y/n) figured it was either normally closed on Sundays or Ben didn't like it open when he wasn't there to run it. She knew he actually owned the club, he wasn't a manager or leasing the place.

"What's it like, running a business?" (Y/n) didn't know where the question came from but it surprised both of them. Her chin moved to press into Ben's arm so she could look up at him as they continued walking down the street. She knew it must be satisfying to actually own the business, he controlled what happened, who worked for him, anyone he didn't like he could fire. He had the responsibilities of making rotas for workers and giving wages and memberships and it was clear Ben exercised a lot in the gym and did boxing himself.

"It's good, I like being in control of everything, and being the boss means people work for you, they don't work against you or piss around and if they take things for granted, I can fire them. What about you, doll, do you have a job?"

When (Y/n) read Ben's file that Joe left lying around, it was very clear that he was a control freak. He hurt people who went against him, he had beaten up one of his own men by what Joe said today and his men were either so afraid of him or too loyal to speak out. That meant they must have some shred of respect for Ben. He seemed like the kind of man who would be aiming for the top job so he was on top of the pyramid. People being higher up than him wouldn't seem to sit very well with Ben, he had to have the control and be in charge, he needed to make the decisions.

"No, mother wanted me to finish school first. I did get a job in the corner shop for the summer but I didn't like it much... my dad likes me to help him out at church."

Linda thought it was more appropriate if (Y/n) finished school before getting a job and she wanted (Y/n) to have a proper job, one she could boast about to her friends like how Joe was a police officer or Cora now had an apprenticeship in the firm her boyfriend worked at. (Y/n) was expected to follow with a good job like that.

She worked at the corner shop for some money during the summer but it had been too boring for her to handle, seeing the same people everyday, not being able to talk to them for long. She wasn't even allowed to use the cash register she was mainly stocking shelves. It was okay for the summer but she really couldn't do that for the rest of her life.

"The church?"

"Oh, my father is the Reverend of the church."

"Ah, so that's why you reserve Sunday morning for the man upstairs." Ben smiled when he caught sight of the gold cross hanging around (Y/n)'s neck. It was slightly hidden behind her shirt but he remembered seeing it the first time he saw her. The cross hung proudly over the top of her blue dress.

"My father does the sermon's every Sunday, I help out with events like fairs and get things ready for christenings and such. We go to church in the evening on Christmas too. I take it you're not religious?"

"No, too many inconsistencies for me to believe but I've got no problem with anyone else's beliefs. Besides, if God is real I think I'd be in real shit by now, too many sins to count." Ben watched (Y/n) bite the inside of her cheek to stop herself from laughing as she knew he was probably right, God would have something to say about the way Ben was conducting his life. "Doll, since your faith clearly allows you to walk around with a murderer, do you think you could swing something else by the man upstairs?"

"What do you mean?"

"Do you think you'd like to come and work for me?"

Ben's words took (Y/n) by surprise, so much so that she stopped walking and turned so she was properly facing him. He was offering her a job, not a boring job stacking shelves but something interesting, something where she would be in a gym and a boxing club with a mix of criminals like Ben and normal avid gym-goers who knew nothing about the man who owned the place.

Joe did seem to think something else was going on at the club, maybe a job there wouldn't be such a good idea. But then again, (Y/n) was going around with Ben who she knew was a murderer and he didn't seem to have any bad intentions towards her. He was offering her a job and he owned the club so he wouldn't give her a horrid job or something she would be uncomfortable with. But he felt he had to make sure she would feel okay working for him when they both knew he wasn't a saint.

"What would I do?"

"Anything you like. You could be on front at reception, letting people in and out, you could work backstage with me sorting out wages and the files, you could check the equipment and order the stock if you like. Whatever you want to do is fine by me."

Ben was offering (Y/n) something she had been so desperate for, but he had no reason to. He wasn't obliged to give her a job or feel sorry for her or try and gain something out of her. Yet here he was, saying he would give her a job doing whatever she wanted in his own establishment without wanting something from her in return, he had nothing to gain from this.

"Why would you do that for me?"

(Y/n) felt like she couldn't breathe for what seemed like the hundredth time since she started this walk with Ben when he circled his arms around her waist and dragged her closer until her chest hit his. He tipped his head back like he was really thinking about his answer before he leaned down until his face was level with his own. Something about the way that he seemed to stoop down so they were level made (Y/n) smile, it was like he was giving her some sense of power when she was around him instead of hogging it all for himself.

"You want a job, I can give you one and it benefits me to have your lovely face wandering round my club. I'd get to see a lot more of you."

"You want to see more of me?" (Y/n) breathed heavily through the words that came out very quiet. She couldn't believe someone like Ben would be interested in someone like her, it felt too unrealistic, too different like he was stringing her along, but he wasn't. He was genuine and it stunned her to know he wanted to be around her.

"I know you know what I do and it isn't good. That brother of yours also thinks he can put me away, but you've overlooked that so far to be around me. I'd like to think that you'll say yes if I ask you to hang around me a lot more and be my girl.”

(Y/n) couldn't find any words to respond, all she could do was smile and breathe like she was about to faint.

Ben wanted to go out with her, he wanted to give her a job to make her happy and so he could see her a lot more without having to go for walks and stay out of sight of Joe or her family. Ben actually wanted to be with her after not knowing her for very long at all. He seemed as enticed with her as she was with him.

"I'll take that smile as a yes, shall I?"

The moment (Y/n) nodded, Ben grinned wickedly like the cat that got the cream before he leaned forward until his lips were pressed to hers. Ben knew from the way he'd kissed her neck on their first meeting that she'd never been kissed before so he hoped she didn't mind him stealing her first kiss like this. His hands dug into the flesh around her hips as he felt her hands moving to his neck like she didn't know what to do with her hands but she knew she had to do something.

His lips felt so warm and smooth against her own, (Y/n) could feel each ridge and crease in his lips and likewise, Ben could feel the bumps of skin where (Y/n) had bitten down too hard on her lower lip and pulled a layer of skin off.

A shiver ran down (Y/n)'s spine and her hands pressed firmer against Ben's neck when lips parted and his tongue darted out over her lower lip. But he didn't dart his tongue into her mouth to battle against her own, he bit down on her lower lip instead and slowly pulled back, pulling her lip before eventually letting go.

How could being with Ben be so wrong, when it felt so right?