#and also me nauseous in general
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They should figure out a way to make bath bombs but like for showers
#day musings#tell me why I am struggling with the basic survival necessities rn#I do not want to shower#or drink water or eat#I don't want to do anything but lay around and stare at my phone screen#and end up eating junk food that makes my head fuzzy#and also me nauseous in general#What is up with this#what's wrong with me /genq
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Choo-choo! We've almost reached the likes goal on the reblog game!
Please be mindful of future likes for this game!
Now then get ready for departure soon! All Aboard!
For this post
Thank you everyone so, so, so, SOOOO MUCH!!! I set an incredibly difficult goal for this honestly, and yet you all helped it be reached!! I appreciate it so much, thank you!!
Unfortunately however, the next part is not finished yet. I was planning to have it finished and ready weeks ago, but I became severely sick and have been unable to finish it to have it ready for this wonderful moment :( I’m so sorry. And I am still pretty bad off, and I’m unsure how much longer it’ll be like this for me.
But!! It was still pretty far along when I had to stop. A lot of it is done. And I have tried to make it up to everyone by making the part extra long. And it is becoming more lighthearted and about comfort now, the next choice to make falls into that ^^
ONCE AGAIN THANK YOU EVERYONE!! It means a lot to me to see that people are actually commenting on the comic and celebrating that it has reached its goal. It means a lot to see that people care!! I am so excited to get the next part out to you guys and to continue on this once again!! ^^ <3 <3 <3 <3 <3
#wayward’s asks#this is also why I have been gone again unfortunately#I talk about my general health below in case you don’t wanna read that#my stomach has turned on me and I’m unable to eat anything without horrific pain#it is like my gastritis from last year but doubled now#not eating has left me exhausted and I am sleeping a lot right now#but unlike last year I cannot afford to lose anymore weight#so it’s been a lot harder this time around#that’s why I’m not around a lot right now anywhere really#I am trying to fix it and make it better but it has steps and it’s taking time#I’m so tired of being tired and nauseous#so thank you for your patience#I really appreciate it#I see my other asks and I’m so sorry i haven’t gotten to the#them#but I wanted to respond to this and not just leave this here#because I do really appreciate everyone’s collective efforts a lot#thank you
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sometimes looking at like Self Help Strategies lists for the symptoms I'm having is always just like:
thing that I already do
thing I have tried 10 times
thing I already do
thing that I don't have the money to do
thing I already do
thing I've been doing since I was 10yrs old to no avail
thing that is impossible given my situation
thing that doesn't apply to me
thing that I already do
thing I have already tried
hrmm, oh wait, maybe finally- OH, yeah.. okay. thing that I already do but it was just phrased slightly differently
thing I have already done
#I think maybe productivity tips help less if the reason you're unproductive is partially like.. physcial health and other extenral things#out of your control. rather than just like having trouble paying attention or spending too much time on tiktok or whatever#all the strategic to do lists in the world are not going to somehow prevent me from waking up with a debilitating migraine or whatever#or having external stressors or lacking resources and connections or other Productivity Essentials etc.#especially many tips involve stuff like 'cut off from social media' since thats the modern day time waster for so many poeple#and it's like.. lol.. i can hardly even maintain a blog even thuogh i actively WANT TO DO SO. 'shut off your smart phone!' already#done babey i fucking hate smart phones i shall never use an app unless i am forced to. 'delete tiktok' yep. already covered. tiktok and#all of those thinsg are my enemies. 'save money by cancelling some of your services' cool. already ahead of you.#who the fuck is out here paying for like 10 different subscription services. pirated videos uploaded to google drive and youtube to mp3#my beloved. etc. etc. and so on. 'socialize less' .........LOL.. if only you knew.. mr.writer of the article. i can barely muster#talking to friends more than once a month and even less if I'm actively sick (often occurence) etc. etc. ... hewoo#I think maybe instead of generic productivity tips I need more like.. how to refocus and be productive anyway even if you have a headache#or are nauseous or etc. Not that those are always things to ignore. and of course you should let your body rest and etc. But plenty of peop#e have mild physical symptoms and just work through them. Ithink something about the way my body/mind is SOO hyper attuned to all#sensory information just makes it like... constantly 'GRR well I cant focus on WRITING right now because my lef#t ear feels weird and my socks are too itchy and my back has a strange pressure and I'm vaguely warm and my eye feels some ssort of#way it doesnt normally feel and I'm hyperaware of my breathing and also nauseous for no reason' and like half of those things I#think '''normal''' people wouldnt even notice or at least would be able to just live through. but for me it's like.. nealry impossible to i#gnore and soooo distracting always. like 'wahh.. nooo we can't draw or get anything done.. my legs feel slightly heavy or something!!'#like............. ok......... who cares. thats not even a PAIN sensation it's just something weird. but it's just like.. NO. constant#mental alerts about the 'heaviness' of your legs be upon ye. Though Imean like.. yes.. 70% of the time I am in genuine pain#or having some sort of actual ailment with trackable physical symptoms. but sometimes it's just like... we could totally be working right#now and ignoring this silly thing but my brain is fixated on it for no reason uncontrollably. etc. etc. I guess it's the same way that like#most people can go to a grocery store without the whole experience being so overwhelming and so much stuff going on at once#that they have to rest afterwards but like.. in my own HOME doing NOTHING i feel like I should be able to not get overwhelmed lol. ANYWAY#Rolling my bastard little rock up a dumbass hill and so on and so forth
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still feel so vindicated by tpatd. i dont rly have proof of it but i always wanted tlq to be a bit of a strange beast but i was worried it conflicted w canon (the wraith in particular, and the lack of a visible mouth in his appearances) so i scrapped some ideas i had to make him more beastly so tpatd was such an incredible and welcome surprise
#stp spoilers#i know theres the whole 'fuck canon' thing and i support that but i tend to try rly hard to make my works as canon compliant as possible#it bothers me if i dont#which prob sounds strange from someone who draws objects w animal limbs#but that feels more like artistic interpretation of simple designs than contradictory#and i also just sorta felt like everyone else must be onto smth or know smth i dont so seeing the popular general design for tlq#made me think that it mustve been intended for him to be so humanlike#being wrong made me so excited i got nauseous when i got to see tpatd#love that the guy has a huge beak and a creepy smile#i love a character who acts very normal and personality wise is generally just Some Guy#but is actually a weird guy who is a little scary#ill post some of my art of him in a bit after i get some food#actually art too lol not just joke stuff#i gotta start populating this blog w art ive been making since i got back into the game#maybe even my animation wip.... gotta work on that#AND i gotta get my voice designs posted bc theyre not that out there but im happy w them and had fun making them!
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Woke up from my little power outage nap and couldn’t even manage to eat a full box of macked cheese, grad school will fuck you up for life kids, do it at your own risk.
#my stuff#i don’t like to admit it but i’ve developed a complicated relationship with food#i’m a rational person i know food is important and i feel hunger and when i do i want to eat#but due to the hassle of meal prep and my tight finances i basically only eat one meal a day at the end and use coffee to power through#often until like 6pm#which i know is not good in a general or transition sense#and when i was first starting to fall into this pattern i would eat A TON at night to make up for it#but sometime during my grief in march n april i developed#a psychological difficulty with finishing food. like executive dysfunction and insecurity hoarding combined#and also i sometimes get nauseous midway through eating#or rapidly feel full after being doubled over from hunger cramps and then hungry again an hour later#and above all else it’s annoying bc its subconscious or physiological and it makes it hard to overcome#and even if i was provided 3 meals a day i’d probably struggle to stomach eating that freq in any significant amount#i feel like when my stomach is empty it tries to quasi hibernate until last minute and then goes ravenous#much like me emotionally but that’s a different tag rant#anyways another complication is ‘sleep for dinner’ right when i get home which fucks up my eating AND sleep schedule#all this bullshit when i’m a scientist who has taken metabolism classes and knows my body is getting wrecked from this#so i’m guilty as fuck abt it🙂↕️
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happy aro week to everyone who celebrates. give your local aro a hundred dollars to compensate for their suffering (me).
#i've been thinking a lot about aromaticism lately ... ! perfect time for it to coincide with aro week.#➤ ooc. ┊ she’s nauseous，she’s hysterical，and she’s exhausted.#i've been seeing quite a lot of posts lately that .. hm. speak on romance in fiction / the habit of shipping / writing romance and sex#from a perspective of 'oh; think of the aros!' 'we hate shipping-focused fandom!'#well one thing about me love to make characters have insane sex. i do not follow these practices in my own life.#i tend to find real-life discussions of sex and romance generally unpleasant; but this is something you sort of just have to deal with.#but i love shipping. air that i breathe. i love to read romance. and full-m smut. love to write or draw them kissing.#i also like when characters murder each other ; or talk to ghosts ; or drive without seatbelts ; i should note i also#don't practice these things or in most cases condone them!#to me – this is just another aspect of fiction that is separate to my real-life experience. it's no more inherently#positive or negative than anything else characters do.#i don't find love to be something that is fundamental to the human condition but it is a big; broad human story. and a compelling one!#anyways. that's my speech. thanks for the on-sale chocolate allos.
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tw: blood & piercings
none of my 9 piercings have ever bled (aside from at the moment of being pierced) and my navel piercing that i’ve had for FIVE MONTHS started bleeding out of nowhere and i CANT DEAL 😭😭
#tried to clean it and literally stood by the sink gagging bcuz blood makes me so nauseous#apparently it’s normal bcuz the inside is still healing but i’m scared and also really grossed out bcuz i’m generally an easy piercinghealer#if anyone has any advice i’d rlly appreciate it 😭
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it's pride month and that inevitably means that I start overthinking things about myself
#howling#like I'm aroace and that isn't up for debate at all#but I have a confusing relationship with the concept of dating#like. from my end it would be queerplatonic because I think it would just Have To Be yknow#but sometimes I wonder how much of my identity is something I chose for myself#And how much of it is because I am just like. unappealing. just in general. and I decided to be like this to keep it from making me sad#ive got a gnarly mix of knowing that I'm not attractive at all yet being completely unwilling to change for anyone else's sake#and the concept of changing for the sake of becoming 'attractive' makes me fucking nauseous#and then it ALSO doesn't help that every time I feel like I look good or cool or anything someone says something to make me feel like shit#just. ugh. yknow
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🤍🫂🫂🫂🤍
#i'm preparing for a couple presentations and work (wish me luck 🤞)#and i've gotten really sick over the weekend and am incredibly nauseous </3 so i'll be back when i feel a bit better#but i want to say thank you for all the love in the inbox and in the last yrs in general <3 you really are all part of me and i'm#grateful for every single kind and gentle soul on here#ily ily ily 🥺 ill be back just lemme go fight this stupid nausea/cold kahsdkjjasf it's so FREEZING i want spring!!!!#in any case… keep the love and randomness always coming like this. i love hearing from you guys so much no matter what <3#it's what's kept me here and made me enjoy this site for so long 🥰#and tc of yourself!! stay warm and don't let the weather defeat you like it did with me >:(((((((((#also are we liking nakey tae <3
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One thing I love about Laios is that he just, doesn't have a long term plan. Like he doesn't think about settling down or the future or anything like that, he'll just keep sharing an apartment with Falin and keep challenging the dungeon until she finds someone that she wants to be with. And after that he'll probably just keep going dungeoneering, but he would not be buying a house and settling down with a wife and kids. Truely the autistic aroace experience
#the kingdom fell into his lap and that's great bc he doesn't have to worry about survival anymore#but he doesn't get to engage with monsters anymore#also like i said the autistic aroace experience but this isn't meant to be generalizing#it's just my experience#if I have a job that I can just keep doing forever I wouldn't think about the future either#it's just bc the people around me keep talking about money and making family and such that I am forced to think about it#and every time I do I get anxious and/or nauseous#i have no idea where to go with this but anyway#directionless adults unite or something#fishtalks
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always fun to remind myself of the side effects of my thyroid meds
#the first time i treated my thyroid my endo was like ‘i havent had a patient who had this happen for a while so im due for one’ THANKS MAN#personal#im just waiting for it to hurry up and work. my health has PLUMMETED in the last week or so#im so sick and i can’t DO ANYTHING. including SLEEP. even if i was getting enough good sleep i was be exhausted but i’m not so.#the energy’s doing Great#and i’m so hungry all the time but also nauseous so all food is unappealing#genuinely have no idea how i made it through years 7-10 undiagnosed. no wonder i ended up with such a severe phobia of going to bed????????#i don’t have to worry about routine right now so it’s not as stressful (just horrible because i’m so tired) but i COULDNT SLEEP back then#im just relieved that this time it was found through a routine check rather than me getting a test because of symptoms#usually i test when my anxiety gets really bad in a specific way#but my anxiety isn’t bad this time. no panic attacks and also no migraines. those are all usually the worst to deal with#so comparatively this isn’t even a particularly bad episode?/relapse?/flare?#still more sick than i’ve been in……..years?#im not sure if covid was better or worse. but it was only really bad for a week#this’ll be worse overall because it’ll last a lot longer#hopefully only a month or two but that’s still a few months of my life that just vanish. cool!!!!!!!!!!!#and there wasn’t even a notable event to trigger it this time. first time was whooping cough and subsequent times have been things like—#starting uni and then the last 2 years of uni where i took 10 units in one year then overworked myself doing my thesis#im SLIGHTLY worried that maybe i’ve developed rheumatoid arthritis and that set it off because it’s also autoimmune#i should see my gp soon to get a general antibody test. my joint have been so bad it’s been hard to walk for quite a few months#idk man it all sucks. but for now at least i have my white blood cells (even if they’re literally the problem lmao)
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realized ricky is not only canonically polyam, but rep for polyam survivors who are abused for being poly, and i am having a lot of feelings about that which i plan to write up a post about but also wow in hindsight it put some shit from an abusive ex-friend into perspective.
#whosebaby talks#SDMItag#abuse cw#polyphobia cw#there is just. still a lot that i am unpacking about how deeply abusive her muses were in ~healthy relationships~ with mine#which was really fucked up to put me through by itself but was also *deeply* telling about our friendship in general#a major aspect being how she constantly went back and forth between being very clear that she was repulsed and disgusted by my queerness#and pretending she never said that; while playing olympic-level gymnastics for any possible bullshit alternate explanation she could find#and i'm just like. in hindsight it has become deeply cathartic to write/engage with stories where the polyphobic abuser#is openly and intentionally and maliciously abusive; and framed as such#after the relentless gaslighting and queerphobia of ~healthy OTP relationship~ where a poly muse i had put a lot of myself into#brought up the subject of whether his partner would be alright with him pursuing a relationship over feelings he was Just Starting to Have#and wanted to get ahead of things and ask the moment it became relevant; specifically because he knew the partner had jealousy issues#and the poly person Absolutely Fucking Daring to Have Even the Beginnings of a Crush at All Without His Permission#sent the partner into a massive wailing nauseous spiraling self-harming world-ending inconsolable breakdown#and going practically catatonic with jealousy and ~pain and betrayal~#and the ~healthy resolution~ was the poly muse apologizing profusely for it; comforting him; and promising it would never ever happen again#'he has BPD and jealousy issues and it hurts him sooooo so bad ����' i hope otto cheats on him with ten people and then dumps his ass#BPD doesn't make you abusive or polyphobic even if you're mono#and it's so fucking gross that her non-BPD-having ass used pwBPD as an excuse for passionately hating poly people#but yeah there was just. so so much more horrible shit along those lines just In General with those characters alone#and it was constantly dressed up in a veneer of ~healthy relationships uwu~ and in hindsight that's another reason#i have such an extremely strong reaction to 'no see this dynamic is good and home-grown organic wholesome and healthy uwu'#'[most abusive/bigoted/etc shit you have ever seen in your life]'#and why it is honestly such a fucking relief to be able to engage with a dynamic where the abuse is mask-off and openly Intended to Harm#just call me a slur and get it over with etc#anyway it's just. a Lot.#that person was a fucking nightmare and writing with them was a fucking nightmare#last i heard they were part of that fandom's resident anti crowd and mocking/harassing disabled people for dietary limitations lol#and i'm glad they're out of my life and that apparently i've got enough distance from them to be comfortable processing it through fiction
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me trying to pretend I don't care about romantic love and devotion and sexual intimacy irl when really I feel like it's the meaning of my life
#but there are too many obstacles. and I genuinely don't feel the need to be in a relationship with a real person right now. hem hem.#I know this is going to sound deeply insane but sometimes I have these moments when I get so deeply disgusted with people. just people in#general. like thinking about the processes going on in their bodies and their faces look uncanny to me and I just get really nauseous and#feel the need to be far away and not look at any humans for a while. and ESPECIALLY not interact with anyone. and I don't know how I would#cope with that feeling if it ever came when I was in a relationship. idk if I could ever fully recover from being deeply repulsed by my#partner's physicality. and. there is also the redacted which has left a permanent brand on my soul and inevitably any relationship I might#have. I would need to explain hey basically blah blah blah. and I don't believe anyone would stay by my side after hearing that. because I#know _I_ wouldn't stay if someone told me that. probably. like I told my friend. I have my video game men. I have my good friends. I'm okay
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Hyperempathy problems: Have to quit watching video game streams when the streamer says they're not having fun and chat starts being like "yeah we demand blood content is sacrifice" ew yuck it causes me physical discomfort
#also like generally following YouTubers and content creators occasionally makes me nauseous because I try to support them and be on their#Patreons and watch the ads and like comment share etc#but realizing how much a lot of them hate their subscribers and fans makes me sick#god#can't watch another stream because they all just. hate us#like we're their employers and we're personally suppressing them like I cannot take it it hurts#fuck.#this isn't to say they shouldn't express how shitty their jobs are it just makes me personally not even want to watch like how could i#in good conscience contribute to this hell
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day 2 of nausea for no discernible reason👍
#in neg city#i really like i really really REALLY can’t keep doing this shit#there is something so fundamentally wrong w me that now my body has just quit#i couldn’t sleep last night for a myriad of reasons but one of them was hunger pains bc i couldn’t eat rlly at all#bc anything i touched made me SO NAHSEOUS and then i was also nauseous last night and idk if it was from#hunger pains or from eating in general bc i needed to eat something at some point during the evening#i ate breakfast at 8 AM and dinner at 9 PM. we’ve lost the plot#i’m just so overwhelmed and underestimated and meds don’t do shit and i’m getting so fucking tired of it man#i’m pulling away doing damage control so people don’t watch me crash and burn not even a month after i did it the last time. SIGH#whatever. it doesn’t matter none of this matters#going to continue to be a general nuisance at my job ig
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my sister is sick 🤕
#i think an essential piece of info to understand why im freaking out rn is that thr*wing up is legitimately my biggest fear 😭😭😭😭#if its a virus and i also caught it and I get sick in turn im gonna have. a Moment.#though i think it might be the heat? mixed with like. heavy periods general sickness#but like still. GH#ahhhhhhh i havent thr*wn up since i was 9 years old i dont wanna lose my streak#im better now and i wont have like unprompted panic attacks unless im like faced with someone sick who could possibly transmit it to me#or like if i feel kinda nauseous but when i was between 13-15 i would literally have like 4-5 panic attacks about the thought of being sick#like it was insane
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